#jfc nat i LOVE this
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rosie-dear-rosie · 2 months ago
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I feel like we don’t talk nearly enough about Taissa and her axe motif.
Out of the three(?) yjs with weapon motifs Shauna and her knife, Nat and her gun, Tai and her axe. I think what makes the axe really unique is how nonviolent its use cases are compared to the others. Mainly, collecting lumber.
She’s not slaughtering or butchering but it’s equally important. Ultimately she keeps the team warm. She’s reliable, sturdy like the wood she cuts, in doomcoming they chat about how much they think Tai resembles the trees. She’s their heart. Their moral compass. Despite her seemingly cold and rational exterior she’s the one doing her best to keep everyone morally grounded.
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julesnichols · 2 years ago
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Misty and Nat hugged during the reunion photo 🥺
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bunni-bun · 8 months ago
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are you ever disgustingly in love with someone and you sigh dreamily every time you see them and your heart flutters and it's really gay and ridiculous and you giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush?
unrelated, do you also love nat chen or are you louis chiang?
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pleasetakethis · 11 months ago
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New favorite ep of the season acquired the moment it opened. Some shippy rambling in the live blogging ahead.
If you know me at all, you know right off the bat that I AM UNHINGED ABOUT THIS EPISODE.
NATPEGGY YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS
THE BACKSTORY INTRO!
"What are new friends for?"
THEM SHOWING OFF THEIR MOVES TO EACH OTHER !!!!!
Wasp, too??? Yasss, all the ladies!!!!!!!!!!
Peggy and Nat already working so well together in combat and the level of trust that already exists between them, I just--slkdjflasdjfklajflajlfkjas
Them sassing Loki !!!!!!
Intro credits: Elizabeth Olsen???? Wanda's here, too????? Super spoiler alert: I waited so long for her to show up 🤣
Me and the Watcher feel the same about Captain Peggy Carter <3
The role reversal when Peggy picks up Nat in that slick ass car while Nat's running... guhhhhhh.
I am here for all versions of evil Steve, including brainwashed.
SCRUFFY SKINNY STEVE!
CA: TWS parallels got me in my feels, too. Peggy/Nat is THE SHIP for me, but there's something about Peggy/Steve that hits just right the same way as Tony/Pepper, Steve/Tony, and Steve/Bucky.
The framing of these shots got me--Peggy in the background pissed because she wasn't told about the rumors of the Hydra Stomper, while Nat (listening) definitely knew about Steve:
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AHHH, PEGGY'S FACE WHEN SHE REALIZED NAT KNEW:
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AND DIDN'T TELL HER:
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SDALKFJLAKJFLAJS
Natasha quipping "Didn't see the point in breaking your heart twice," fucked me up, oh.
DILF old man Bucky <3 Bucky getting to grow old!!!! WIBBLES.
Guess it's gonna take both of the loves of Steve's Rogers life to get through to him? lmaooo
Peggy is the perfect mirror of Captain America Steve. In goodness, selflessness, AND their particular brand of self-righteous selfishness. I love both of them for it, but especially Peggy <3
Bucky standing up and saying Steve would be stupid enough to do the same for him. 😭 Bucky trying to get through to Steve. 😭
"What can I say, Peg? I'm a sucker for a good love story." Damn, that hurts for a million different reasons. oh, Nat. <3
UMMMM the way Nat sits back and says, "You know, I always wondered how you got all those G.I. boys to follow a woman into war? Question answered." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRAIN EMPTY! ONLY PEGGYNAT! And Nat couldn't be more obvious if she tried, but she does it so well and Peggy is distracted.
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Are you kidding me with the framing of this shot?
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I feel like it's foreshadowing but IT SCREAMS pining. A lot of pining:
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Barton introduced Peggy to dad rock <3 fuck yes
Widow bites interrupting the kiss, lol.
Peggy being a weak point for Nat, to the point Nat gets nabbed by widow bites, JFC.
Peggy will die for Steve, the same way Steve would have died for Bucky--ughhh I do not like but I understand.
"Mission accomplished." !!! Hot damn, that was slick, A++, AND Nat tells Peggy she doesn't want to fight about it. 😏
THERE WAS A MUSICAL!
BAMF Melina. Love to hate her when she's on the wrong side, parent/child issues me in a weird way these days and this ep got under my skin.
But also: guhhhhhh these Widows.
"This isn't us! I am done fighting, Steve. [drops shield] I have been fighting for so long: to end the war, to forget what I lost. I'm… I'm tired." oh, Peggy.
oh, Steve.
oh, Nat.
This ep got me in the feels, all of them.
Peggy going back for Nat AND them running out together <3
Ugh, Nat and her transparent, "Okay. Let's hit the road." Just: THEM.
...and oops, Peggy's gone.
But then! OOOO, this Fury! AND FINALLY, WANDA!!!!!
Overall: similar in ep 4 in that it was close to the emotional impact of Stephen's ep in the first season but still missed the mark (and tbh the Tony ep hit harder, but more because of Tony's characterization--Peggy is fairly consistent, Tony is not, so getting him so right (for me) was incredible). I adore this ep, I love Peggy, I love Nat, I enjoy this universe, and I hope we visit their universe again (if not, there's always fanfic, my beloved).
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cdyssey · 2 years ago
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Yellowjackets 2.08 Reactions
CW: Cannibalism
The opening scene of Mari and Misty helping Lottie pee is harrowing. Jfc. One thing that it’s high time for me to give YJ flowers for is its unflinching look at the human body. It’s unafraid to show us what the body does and how it functions in every facet. It’s gross at times, and yeah, that’s the point. Having a body can be gross; what comes out of it is abject.
MISTY CALLING MARI OUT!!!!!! WOW, THAT WAS GOOD. But now I’m sad for Mari. All of these girls are so fucked up.
Every time Akilah talks about her baby nephew, I wanna cry bc I have a baby nephew and I’d do anything in the world for him.
NOT FUCKING NUGGET BEING DE A D. GODDAMMIT.
THESE GIRLS ARE SO FUCKED UP.
If I had a nickel for every time Taissa has called out her teammates for talking to corpses, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Shauna returns to the group and they’re all so happy and tipsy; just five minutes ago, all these women were howling and dancing in the flurrying snow.
“Well, I didn’t have a fucking tape measure.” KQKWDJFNWK
Misty: “I should have done it myself.” Yeah, lmfao.
Van immediately knowing that Tai is lying to her.
VAN JUST YEETING THE KEYS OUT INTO THE WILDERNESS QOOQKDOWEK
The girls are fighting!!!!!
Lottie plays the peacemaker here. THE SHARING SHACK!!
Shauna, anguished, disgusted: No.
That cut from Lauren to Liv was so good.
Jesus, that shot of the two Tais in the window.
Oh, my fucking god. Belt soup. They have to eat belt soup.
(Even months and months after her death, mere weeks after they literally ate her, they’re still consuming Jackie Taylor.)
“Lottie took it from her to protect us.” Such a goddamn fascinating line because the implication is that if Shauna hadn’t been allowed that catharsis, she would have wrought vengeance upon them all.
“Maybe Lottie dying wouldn’t be the worst thing.” Goddamn. It’s a mirror of Nat telling Jackie’s remains that she was the lucky one.
Coach Ben and Nat’s relationship is still one of my favorite things ever. God, I’ll never forget their moment in the woods at Doomcoming.
Ben seems much more invested and present here (and while he’s rifling through Javi’s drawings) than we’ve seen him look all season; Misty really got through to him!!
Oh, my God. She almost tried to eat the mouse skeleton. (Like Shauna, if Akilah had to, she’d eat a creature that she loved to survive.)
Taissa hearing the dripping as well hhhh. THAT FUCKING BLOOD IS TERRIFYING.
I always get chills when I think of the theory of Mari’s hallucinations possibly portending her death as Pit Girl.
Matt the Cop is the FUCKING WORST. Every time he says something with that smarmy grin, I grind my teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can he fucking look Callie in the eye?!
Go, Callie, for video taping him!!
“The other-just-as-problematic cop has your back. Congratulations.” I LOVE HER.
That fucking low blow about the cannibalism. KILL KILL KILL.
Eurghdhhdh, the photos of Adam.
WOW, THE GIRLIES (cough, Misty) DID THINK OF THE TATTOOS.
Jeff doesn’t back down from Kevyn, underscoring his utter loyalty to Shauna, the lengths he’d be willing to go to protect her, and I really do love him for it.
The girls are fucking SNIPING at each other in the Sharing Shack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Yeah. I’ve had Van’s address for years. You could’ve just asked me instead of outsourcing.” AKQKQOWIOWOWWJJDNSJE. Goddamn, never change Misty.
OH, ALL THE SECRETS ARE COMING OUT TONIGHT, HUH? YEAH, I’M HERE FOR IT.
MISTY NOT EVEN HESITATING TO GO FOR THE JESSICA ROBERTS REVEAL!!
“And, fuck, Shauna, it’s not like you couldn’t use the money.” GOD GOD GOD GOD?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND THEN JUST STRAIGHT UP CALLING NAT AN ADDICT.
CLAWS OUT TONIGHT.
Misty’s concern for Ben here is so touching, esp. right on the heels of her adult self saying that she fixed things, like she always did. She’s fucked up in a thousand myriad ways, at least a hundred of which the other girls are not, but it’s a testament to the show’s writing and Samantha/Christina’s acting, that it’s genuinely clear that she believes she’s doing it for some greater good.
Nat tenderly caring for Javi. 😭 So glad that young Nat’s getting some more screen time. I’ve missed her!!
“You’re a good person. And I’m sorry for… ever making you feel otherwise.” Sobs. Listen, Travis gets it.
“If I die, don’t waste my body.” Goddamn. Even on the verge of death, Lottie’s thinking about what’s best for the collective.
“Oh, wait, maybe those were her hands.” AKKQKWDNWJNSS. Van, I fucking love you.
“Misty, you are nothing if not proactive.” / “Thank you?” AOQOQKWOWJIWJWDJD.
SHAUNA’S FACE WHEN MISTY SAID THAT RANDY MENTIONED JEFF EJDJEND.
I’m so fucking glad this secret is coming out—all cards on the table!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love that shirt on Elijah. Really makes his eyes pop. Walter possibly being a fuckin’ snitch. I think it might be a misdirect, though.
THIS JEFF NIGHTMARE JESUS.
“Why the fuck would I like it?” AWMEKKEWMSN
The nightmare told us something we’ve deeply suspected for a long time: Jeff loves Shauna, yeah, but he cannot fucking handle the wilderness within her.
JEFF KNOWS ABOUT WILDERNESS BABY.
THIS BEING THE FIRST FUCKING TIME CALLIE HAS LEARNED ABOUT HIM.
GOD GOD GOD
Callie reacting with absolute devastation when she hears this. She loves her mom so much.
This talk between Jeff and Callie is so goddamn tender and good. But his emphasis that she doesn’t have to bear her parents’ burdens is tragic in light of the fact that, Jesus Christ, she already has. From the moment Callie Sadecki entered the world, she was a product of all the effed up shit her parents had gone through, and now she just learned that for herself.
Shauna saying “Me either” at being unable to imagine being in the cabin without Lottie. Like, girl, YOU PUT HER IN THIS POSITION. WOQKWKWOWNDDJNDNDS. YOU’RE SO FUCKED UP ASNDNSND
Taissa: “You lied to me.” / It’s personal for Tai after all the shit she and Shauna have gone through together.
This Tai-Shauna back-and-forth is brutal. The reaction shot to Lottie just made me realize that she’s been quiet during all of these exchanges.
“… I probably would have fucking killed them.” Shauna’s unflinching honesty here is so, so good. Every uncontrollable impulse she’s had this season has been unexplainable to her, but she knows for certain that she would have killed, even if it meant hurting her friends. She’s done far worse to them before.
Hell, they’ve all sunk their teeth into each other, with equal amounts of violence and all-consuming love.
Oh, God. Lottie doesn’t believe in therapy and psychological needs anymore. 😬 And ironically enough, Nat is the one who is advocating for talking it out.
ARE THEY DRAWING CARDS TO FUCKING HUNT
OH GOD I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE LATER
THEY START IN THE FIRST WINTER?!
THE QUEEN CARD
AND THEY’RE ALL COMPLICIT. THEY’RE ALL STANDING IN THIS CIRCLE BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THEY’RE MAKING THE CORRECT CHOICE OF ACTION. HOLY GODDAMN SHIT
Tai’s visceral sigh of relief when Van doesn’t draw it.
JAVI FUCKING RUNNING TO HIS BROTHER. I’M UNWELL
NATALIE?!
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
And they’re all in goddamn tears.
JACKIE TAYLOR’S FUCKING NECKLACE FOR GOOD LUCK.
I AM SICK. FUCKING JACKIE FLASHBACK.
THE GIRL WHO HAUNTS THE NARRATIVE; SHE WILL ALWAYS HAUNT THE NARRATIVE.
SHAUNA THE BUTCHER. THEY WERE GONNA SLAUGHTER HER IN THE CABIN.
I love how Ben steps out for a few hours and the team decides to resort to ritual killing and cannibalism.
“Wait. You’re gonna have to look me in the eye.” Shauna is visibly terrified. Jesus Christ. It’s one thing to carve up something that’s already dead—a deer, a bear, your very best friend—it’s another thing entirely to hold a knife up to the throat of someone you love and slaughter them.
TRAVIS SAVING NAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT THE GIRLS FUCKING HOWLING AS THEY GO HUNTING. THIS MAKES THE SCENE LAST WEEK WHERE THE ADULTS WERE HOWLING SO FUCKED UP!! THAT WAS THEIR HUNTING CRY!!
This needle drop is insanely good.
Adult Shauna, right on the heels of the girls sacrificially hunting Nat: “None of that was real, Lottie.” GOD GOD GOD
“Natalie’s right, look at what we lived through.” NAT, WHO LITERALLY GOT HUNTED!!!!
OH GOD. LOTTIE MATTHEWS FULLY SUGGESTING THEY SACRIFICE ONE OF THEMSELVES. GIRL.
LOTTIE HAD THE EUTHANASIA DRINK ALL PREPARED. JESUS
“It is quick and it is also painless.” Unlike the death that those hunted will receive—i.e. Pit Girl.
“Misty, you did actually kill someone.” AKWMSNSNDNNSSN.
Van is the only one whose big secret didn’t get revealed in the circle.
“Why don’t you just volunteer to drink it, Lottie?” HOLY FUCK. THE DISDAIN
LOTTIE IS REALLY ON THE VERGE OF CONVINCING ALL THE WOMEN THAT THIS IS HOW IT GOES.
Ben, while ur doing the good work, your girlies are hunting Natalie in the woods.
Javi trying to save Nat too. 😭 And this is the most he’s spoken this season since talking to Ben in that one episode.
THE WAY THEY BREAK OUT OF THEIR ANIMALISTIC STATES WHEN JAVI FALLS THROUGH THE ICE.
THE GIRLS ALL STANDING THERE.
MISTY ACTIVELY TRYING TO FACILITATE THE DEATH.
“If you save him, the others will get you.” AND SHE’S FUCKING GODDAMN RIGJT
AND NATALIE STOPS STRUGGLING. BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO LIVE.
TRAVIS AND JAVI BOTH TRIED TO SAVE HER. I’M
THIS IS THE MOST UPSETTING FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY GODDAMN LIFE
IT’S A REVERSAL OF THE WHITE MOOSE.
I’M NOT WELL.
NOT VAN SAYING THE WILDERNESS CHOSE.
THIS EPISODE IS UNREAL. HOW IS IT EVEN MORE UNHINGED THAN “DOOMCOMING?!”
THE PROMO THE PROMO THE PROMO THE PROMO
THE WOMEN ARE GOING TO FUCKING HUNT ONE OF THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN 2021!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRAVIS EATINT HIS BROTHER IS SO FUCKING. IT IS?????
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finnfhone · 1 year ago
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S2 EP36 LIVEBLOG - DNDADS SPOILERS
It is sooooo long like. So long
-THIS FUJKIN INTRO
-god they're all so dumb
-terry Jr has a gun . Watch out
-glenn close 🤝 taylor Swift
-Heart of gold and a pirate smile (chip coded... oops wrong podcast)
-😧
-Lincoln wears contacts??? Huh wha???
-oh God oh ew OH GOD OH EW
-so many last names why I love it
-Preteen drinking NORMAL 👀
-NOT THE BUCH
-rip normal the first time he saw the doodler was the cambucha
-terry marlowe--- oh yeah terry marlowe
-HI DAD
-take my money Anthony
-🙀
-its startinggg
-go on without me" LINCOOOLN
-roll off battle music rn
-NAT20 waaargh
-'a cool part of the narrative bullet' how silly.
-lot of B Words. They already went to hell it's fine
-jfc I missed them
-dude holy fucking shit dungeons and dragons beyond
-I ACCIDENTALLY WENT BACK TO THE BEGINNING
-🙂 im normal
-OH SHIT WHAT what what what
-"my boys... and Terry"
-is terry jr going to die cuz if so I will cry so much I'll dry up like a raisin
-3 nat 20s, 17min in
-dude why is Terry doing this :0
-Hermie is going to... sulk--- SKDHDBEN
-"stop using guns to solve things" lookin at you us government
-one. Single yellow flower. SOMEONE DRAW THIS OR I WILL
-oH great hEAvens
-😱🙀
-HE is making me.. who tf is he
-haha I don't get these references
-dude this podcast is so real . Appreciate
-oh Terry doesn't have a stepdad.. but scary does
-terry jr discovered polyamory
-BETH NO
-ad break... grab a snack...
-WILLY /NEG
-Normal is Not Strong
-Terry opens the pickle jars <3
-dispell
-Terry and Scary both love astronomy cuz I said so
-oh no terry sad face ☹️
-OH GOSH. HERMIE WAS PROJECTING ONTO NORMAL. HERMIE NEEDS
-oakworthy real
-oh lord the black parade be coming
-i forgot they were wearing red bull suits
-mmm pizza cutters? Why is this a theme
-whoever divorced first is a loser! Ready, fight!
-theyre literally in sync im screaming
-oh shit they want Scary but she's not home rn
-Taylor is a genius (lying?)
-IM SCREAMING IM DYING IM CHOKING ON TEARS
-Hermie SHAPESHIFT Hermie SHAPESHIFT
-hes depressed so it'll work (I'm crying)
-"but they'll climb up again!" I love you Linc <3
-Terry is not good at this... run bitch ruuun
-is Hermie gonna be a scamster again?
-oh shit they failed
-kersploosh !!
-"hey boys" the silly silly little guy
-its not up to Anthony! (lying?)
-Taylor is a loser I love him so much
-just had a ship idea that would never work. Swiftligoth
-LINK WHAT KID DOES THIS. EXCUSE ME
-ooo poem
-⚠️scary sadness alert (may cry)⚠️
-AH.
-oh nosies tERry Jr ;;(
-hip hip! Aw. Hip hip! Aw.
-oh gosh what is Terry doing
-dont do this to us man dont you fucking dare
-DONT DO THIS TO US MAN DONT YOU
-OH. NO. NO. NO. NO.
-NOOOO WHAT NOOO NOO NO GRANT????!!!!?! OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK OH JO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT
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aceofwonders · 2 years ago
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feat, nat 20, tpk, and background & vibe for rhydian!
thanks ;) // dnd player asks
—Feat: What's one habit, trick, tip, etc. you picked up from another player?
definitely using google sheets for character sheets that I picked up from tabby (@thewildmother) it’s so nice to use and lots of fun customizing the colors for each character!
—Nat 20: What's the most memorable RP scene you've been a part of?
GOD the way my brain fucking stopped working while trying to think of something! I’m gonna for with a scene from the curse of strahd game I was in…wherein the party got picked up in a carriage and given a ride by strahd himself! the TENSION was INSANE and my stupid little ranger boy flat out refused to help strahd and got fucking bit for it 💀 (so many rp scenes in that game were Juicy as hell I loved it so much)
—TPK: Have you ever had a game go completely off the rails? TPK? How did you adjust?
I don’t know if this one will count cause the adjusting happened in between games BUT the most insane thing to this day was running the etharia campaign and my sorcerer telling me at the very last second of the wedding planning session that she wanted to get a scroll of true seeing from their wizard friend…and me knowing that the main antagonist of the game, the archdevil, was going to be attending the wedding in disguise and he was now going to be revealed because of this?! I was going NUTS adjusting how the wedding session was going to go! it honestly shifted the entirety of the rest of the game (got a really cool speech/convo with the big bad out of it and it Slapped)
—Background: Does your PC get up to anything that you don't narrate often? Any background habits, activities, plots? Do you share these through other avenues (e.g. a group chat, table cross-talk, posting online)?
oh so much…rhydian is always Observing (with that fucking high passive of his jfc), usually while doing activates to keep himself busy (boy really needs a distraction these days) fletching arrows, other little woodcarving projects, collecting plants (for poisons/stuff for cian/or just cause they’re pretty), probably also keeps track of plants and animals they come across in a journal. I do try to share as much as possible outside of the game cause this boy is not very talkative atm lmao
—Vibe: How does your character get along with the party? Does your group talk about party dynamics outside the game?
he’s getting along with the party well so far it's still hard for him to get super close at this stage cause he’s Going Through It atm! he probably feels closest to cian?? as the other resident “elven plant boy” there is certainly things to bond over (there’s also the fact that cian reminds him of his brother) but also minah is the only one to unlock major bits of his backstory so far so rogue bonding is on the fast track now and leo is slowly making it father figure territory so that’s exciting! he’s still slightly annoyed with riya some of the time but he also thinks she’s cool af so it’s complicated lmao
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no-te-lo-voy-a-dar · 2 years ago
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I am here once again, bc I am having brainrots about the pack(TM) and I had to infect you with those thoughts as well. I am very sorry
So remember how the MCU's Doctor Strange got dropped into the a/b/o au/g&c verse? Cause now I'm thinking about the pack(TM) being dropped into the MCU- post Civil War or post AoU-
Just the thought of g&c Peter stiffening and snarling at MCU Tony who's just kinda lost bc the Peter in the MCU follows him like a little duckling- But this Peter is snarling and hissing, and there are these people are surrounding him, protecting him-And all these people are making weird, animalistic noises, chirping and cooing- making sounds that could not be made from human vocal cords-
All of them just don't smell right, or look right- The pack(TM)'s eyes glint golden sometimes, and sometimes they go to completely communicate in low growls and chirping- There's some hierarchy within the group, but none of the non-g&c characters can tell what it is-
The thought of Loki appearing before them, and the remainder/present Avengers getting out their weapons- and them knowing now that if Loki had really wanted to take over New York, he could have-
And Stephen Strange (pre-Multiverse), seeing the g&c version- with two formidable magic users-
And also, I want to see/write MCU Matt and Frank reacting to the g&c trio bc I think it'd be hilarious- Maybe after this meeting, MCU Matt checks up on his version of Spiderman and that cascades into Peter gaining a 'dad'-
I am rambling but I just wanted to bounce some ideas off of u, babe
yeeeeEEEEAAAH PACK THOUGHTS LET’S GOOOO please there’s no need to apologize
ohmygod the pack post Civil War in the MCU world would be such a fucking mess, although if they meet them post AoU i feel like things could have been better for the MCU group due scoldings of the Pack, so, for the sake of angst, let’s go with post Civil War (8
Tony would ABSOLUTELY think “oh they have a Peter too, this shit easy, watch me” and try to approach him all smiles and prancing around only to get a full on growl that sounds like a big dog about to bite his fingers off, but instead of launching at him, Peter curls around himself or steps closer to someone of The Pack, while the adult is most likely glaring at him. MCU Banner would definetly be fascinated by their bodies being capable of making such noises and would probably try to ask so many questions but R, Frank and Wanda do feel like it’s bordering on them being specimens or lab rats even if there’s no physical prodding so they answer very short and cut sentences until Banner gets the hint (NO WAIT, THIS BANNER IS ON FUCKING SPACE FIGHTING ON SKAAR LMAO, MAKE IT VISION THEN, AND RHODES THE ONE TO TELL HIM TO STOP jfc i forgot most of the lineups)
the idea that even non a/b/o world individuals can smell their scents is interesting, like its similar to how people get lingering smells after like, baking, or being near a bbq for half a day - the smell is faint if u don’t pay attention but it’s definetly there - the golden and flashing eyes is unsettling, to them all it screams wild magic rather than something else (perhaps Nat remembers MCU Loki’s blue eyes and how odd they looked) and the way they actually snarl and bare their sharper than theirs teeths? damn
Tony would probably make some comment about “oh, kinky” if/when he saw Matt’s bond marks and even tried to touch them and that results in a whole different mess of Matt being on top of Tony growling and no one from the Pack stopping him, ALL their eyes being golden and R and Frank are more like ready to ALSO jump Tony - it’s probably MCU’s Peter who stops the situation
ooooh, Pack Peter not knowing how to feel about MCU Peter,,,,
the Loki of The pack is very different and MCU people can tell it and yet they don’t trust them and are wary of them, and even if Loki is not affected Wanda and Stephen will cuddle their god and reassure him of how much they love her
MCU Stephen seeing a healtier version of his yet with more shaky hands and a softer look on his eyes despite the obvious maturity there - so many juxtapositions
okay but imagine the reason MCU Matt and Frank meet their Pack selves is because Pack Peter decided to follow MCU Peter and so Pack Matt and Frank are following him because “jfc this kID-” and end up finding their counterparts - who see them interact with Pack Peter and Matt wonders if his world’s Spiderman is the same as this Peter and so checks him out - tries to reach him...which is, harder, because this Peter is so blinded by his admiration of Tony...Homecoming would be different tho, now Peter knowing Daredevil has been trying to aid him and well...Tony took his suit, but there’s a whole mess to deal with, and Tony didn’t listen and maybe his other self was onto something....
have this wall of text back then úwú
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notroosterbradshaw · 1 year ago
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Get up, A. I've got some fic to catch (and make up) for:
maybe flirting one of the many tag chasers that frequented the Hard Deck.
Bradley Bradshaw, ladies and gentlemen.
The woman that he has spent the last three months trying to get over.
Oh, Bradley. I’m just sitting here judging him like the ruthless love of my life that he is.
He was just boring as fuck. 
How Bradley is well aware he’s the sexiest mf’er in the room. And nobody can deny 🎶
Politely chuckling with Zach fucking Collins instead of unabashedly laughing with him. 
Zach fucking Collins needs to be seen to as per DM.
“Wait, what?” he asks settling a hand on your waist to turn you towards him. He genuinely had no clue where you’d gotten that from, “I didn’t want to break up.”
Oh dear. This can only end… sexy.
You look so hurt, and all he wants to do is pull you to his chest. 
Don’t think, do!
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“It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done,” you tell him quietly as you walk back to Collins where he was still wrapped up in whatever small talk Nat had been forcing on him.
“The hell it is,” he says to himself, resolve firm in his chest. 
Get her, Bradley. Something tells me… he may not have to work very hard.
You hadn’t been back to the Hard Deck since you ended things with Bradley.
Reminding EVERYONE, nothing good happens here.
And god, you feel terrible about thinking about him like that when you’re literally on a date with another man. But not guilty enough to stop yourself from checking him out every chance you got.
Not a date, just a placeholder.
Concern turned into flirting, “you’re too pretty for a concussion” he’d told you. While the line was cheesy, the snug denim shorts he was wearing were decidedly not. And then flirting turned into an invitation to meet up later that day where he could properly apologize in the form of a great night out and drinks on him. 
An ode to jorts.
There was no way you could ever forget the way he had worked you with his fingers in his Bronco parked at a scenic viewpoint along the coast. How it felt to writhe on his lap with your dress rucked up your thighs as he rasped dirty praise in your ear. 
It would be impossible, impossible to forget!
“Baby, Collins is as bland as that gluten free bread you keep trying to trick yourself into liking.”
Howling, howling, Alexa! You know I love a good one liner and jfc, this has me pinned up against a wall, gagging for air.
“Biblically,” you hear him huff under his breath, for your ears only.
Cackling still. I will never not love unexpected humour amidst drama.
“Well, the dart board is finally open. How about we play couple rounds?” Zach suggests, settling his hand on your shoulder.  
Oh, this poor boy and his reality check. Completely oblivious.
Having been banished by Jake for being “pathetically sulky”, he was sitting at the bar by himself staring into his untouched Old Fashioned. Which worked just fine for him, he wasn’t in the mood to be around anyone other than you.
When the captain of the sook brigade calls you out, you must be showing how bad you’re doing haha
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you turning down the hallway towards the bathrooms, and he struck with another bad idea. Probably the worst one of the night. 
The timing as this song just starts on the telly. Oh, the tension as it mounts. This fic is building PERFECTLY remembering i've been reading this over many disrupted hours.
“I’m the only one who gets to see these on you,” he growls as he pulls out his hand to yank down your zipper.
Contentious as it was date three with fucking Collins?! Begs for extra drama gotta say.
You look like you’ve been fucked.
As it should be frankly.
“You owe me a favor,” she says pointing at him, before turning that finger on you, “And you, owe me brunch. Preferably with bottomless mimosas. Because I just saved both your asses from getting caught by Penny. And now I owe Jake a favor. So, you owe me big time.” She gives you both a knowing look before walking away.
God’s work, Phoenix. As always. Saving her men… or finding ways to destroy them later.
Per-fucking-fection.
Bad Idea
Summary: After being deployed, all Bradley wanted was to have a fun night out with his friends and let loose. That is until he sees the woman who broke up with him, who he still isn’t over.  At his bar. With another man. And then he is in the mood to make some bad decisions. 
Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Female Reader
Warnings: mutual pining, a little angst, smuttt. Minors DNI
Length: 6.3K
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After being deployed for three months, Bradley had been looking forward to getting off that carrier and having a night out with his friends. Having a couple more beers than he should, kicking Hangman’s ass at pool, maybe flirting one of the many tag chasers that frequented the Hard Deck.
He wants to let loose a bit. Just for a while. 
The team is scattered around the bar. Some are hovering around the pool table, a few others hogging the dart board. He’s seated at one of the stools around the pool table, half listening to Fanboy recount some of his amusing antics during basic flight training in between lining up his shots, when he feels Phoenix nudge his arm to get his attention.
“Oh shit, is that…” she starts and trails off. 
He turns around in his seat expecting to find some friend from a former squadron or someone they went to TOPGUN with, and instead he sees you. 
The woman that he has spent the last three months trying to get over.
And you’re here in front of him looking entirely too comfortable with another man.
Keep reading
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librarianayda · 6 months ago
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Kaity rewatches/Liveblogs Ratfish! (Part 1)
Spoilers under the cut!
Okay, I guess also non-spoilers slash rambling under the cut. Have to do a few after work things first, then it's time for a Game Changer re-watch (part 1) and NEW Game Changer (part 2)! Woo!
♡ the immediate chaos of ally omg
♡ oh yeah. I've already seen Katie's billboard (pictures of), so I guess we know she won something 😂
♡ GranNma sWeetie right out the door. I love it
♡ is Katie's just a long dig at Sam? Omg
♡ did I just break my glasses? Fucking grant
♡ "He's a bad guy." "I'm describing the person I'd like to be." Grant! Grant.
♡ okay, yeah. After the smartypants episode, Jess's is not surprising at all.
♡ omg, Katie talking to her computer and expecting it to talk back 🤣
♡ A BUG WITH A BIG ASS
♡ okay, but the strategy here is 1000000% Brennan! Brennnan is trying to not be Brennan and ends up being more Brennan what a journey, truly
♡ damn, even Rekha thinks this is Rekha
♡ who's a little goober?
♡ the fucking editing on this is fucking brilliant
♡ why do they all sound like fucking Beardsly? Good question, Zac
♡ the complete and utter chaos that is ally fucking beardsly pretending to be Brennan is just... chef's kiss
♡ OH! They were trying to figure out if the public knew about IsaBaby Roland! That's why there's a weird pause with the twooooo? Cats?
♡ still a fucking work of genius god I love ally
♡ oh yeah. There's the person I don't know. The bio is pretty fucking cool though.
♡ IT DOES SOUND LIKE VIC OR BRENNAN
♡ ally was so on their game and then choco taco fucking broke them
♡ the juxtaposition of ally being SO FUCKING SURE that Bug with a Big Ass is Rekha while playing Brennan Lee Mulligan who is actually playing Bug with a Big Ass is just something really special, actually
♡ that tells me that Jackson Alberta is being played by a gay man and I'm trying to isolate which one Ohmigod ally
♡ so is real life ally also just nat 20's mixed with nat 1's?
♡ moose
♡ omg grant and katie
♡ AllyBrennan calling out BrennanBrennan
♡ I fucking love GraNma sWeetie
♡ maybe they're all ally
♡ the Rekha Brennan storyline is hilarious
♡ grant... maybe I'm Steven?
♡ that does feel like Tao!
♡ omg ally got grant right but thought it was wrong hahaha
♡ woo go Rekha and Katie!
♡ aw zac :(
♡ okay but GraNma sWeetie is the best character!
♡ "I mean I guess someone has chosen to come out and mock me all day."
♡ sleepover starter pack!
♡ ally and zac omg
♡ graNma sWeetie won't give out her real name, but she will give out her social security number 🤣
♡ I'm the belle of the ball omg I love you zac
♡ oh my god grant.
♡ okay, but if it were me I would say uh... oh wait fuck I don't have a character nevermind
♡ but also Brennan's answer is 10000% a Brennan answer because it's no answer so therefore it's winning
♡ jfc grant
♡ IT REALLY DOES FEEL LIKE VIC
♡ this is a huge moment for everyone but me
♡ grant's here? I thought he had covid?
♡ okay! but this comment presents two REALLY interesting points! Because we know from BingoCeption and the Time Loop episodes that Grant DID have covid, and they had to rush to find replacements for him. Which is why Zac's social card and Brennan's stamp were both made for Grant. SO! This episode presumably takes place filming wise AFTER those two beginning of the season episodes did. BUT! everyone is currently in their own hotel room, which means possibly grant was still testing positive for covid but was asymptomatic and able to play this particular game? Idk. I'm just.... ahh!
♡ the fuck is the ratfish?
♡ they show a person, but my question hasn't changed. Who and what is the ratfish??????????
Okay, time for part two!!! Gonna do a separate post for that one and just share a bunch of my favorite screenshots from part 1 below.
... can you tell I've been watching a lot of dimension 20?
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fandom-panda · 10 months ago
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Liveblog-ish Dimension 20 Fantasy High S1 Ep12 & 13
(time stamp of slightly after what im talking about) my thoughts/questions/reactions. just so its easier for you to read/know what im talking about
ep 12(10:30) i can’t believe that grogug thought he was his own dad. that really do be a nat 1 result lol
(15:30) idk the names of half of the players are but i love how riz’s player is helping ally with how to play
(22:20) akshdjsh “we think therefore you die”
(1:31:00) omg fabian on his motorcycle gOING UP THE STAIRS
(1:45:30) YES!!! ADAINE PUNCHED AELWIN IN THE FACE!!
(1:57:00) im so proud of adaine 🥰
ep 13 (12:10) ok acab and all that but i love how fast adaine responds with “i feel unsafe”
(27:45) istg that banker guy is a part of the fuckin cult front bank isnt he
(28:30) AKSHDJSJ BILL SEACASTER CALLED THE BANKER DUDE A THIEF. ALARM BELLS ARE GOING OFF IN MY HEAD
(38:20) andbdjdn “fantasy google”
(42:10) OMG SIOBHAN YOURE SO SMART. THE KVX IS KALVAXIS THE GUY WHO DID THE BAD. also omg brennan’s little smile. 😊
(42:30) WTF DOES RIZ’S DAD WORK FOR KVX?!?!? WHY DOES ADAINE KNOW ABOUT RIZ’S DAD?!?!?!?
(52:38) omg i love zelda sm
(56:40) ohhh my god im getting sm second hand embarrassment oh god. its kinda cute but like ack
(58:00) the poor ice elemental always sounds so distraught whenever they ask for something other than ice cream 😭 i wanna give him a hug
(59:10) omg zelda’s ancestors were mainads
(1:08:45) HOLY SHIT THE HARPY WAS THE SHIP OF KALVAXIS?!?!?!?
(1:11:42) omg this is breaking my heart. 🥺 poor fabian
(1:29:30) holy shit. the harpy and the cerulean are the same ship
(1:41:00) omg zelda didnt lie about her family being like mainads
(1:44:45) ohhhhhh shit aelwyn got broken out. jfc
(1:53:28) ohhhhhhh shit biz is a bad guy noooooo
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overclocksaa · 3 years ago
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tales of suspense #52
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yeschefthankyouchef · 1 year ago
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i’m so perplexed right now because i LOVED this chapter but i’m also going to HATE the consequences of this chapter sjsjsjsjsjsjsj. gonna have to revisit this domesticity when the storm that this is going to cause actually hits.
“Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves”
oh god not the funeral…. i’m not brave enough for this - the show spared me but i should’ve known that you wouldn’t sksjsjsjs
“Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.”
this is such a soft moment in such a dark time and i’m living for the contrast.
“It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.”
jfc it’s not even 10 AM and i’m bawling on the couch - that must be a new record.
“you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.”
the absolute most dangerous pipeline to follow but also inevitable for baby unfortunately
“The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.”
i feel so attacked rn - i think i need to be billing you for my therapy. this was everything i imagined i would feel from a funeral scene but also somehow so much more gut wrenching at the same time.
“The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago.”
damn. he didn’t even go? this is so on brand for him yet i also get why he wouldn’t want to go? but also hes simply never there for the people around him when they need him the most.
“not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.”
the way these traits so often run in the family…. carmy you need to look in the mirror before you’re even more sad and alone than you already are
“Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.”
oh my god is it baby? it has to be baby
“Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him”
he is so ‘why so many word when few word do trick’ coded
“The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas”
i know this is a serious moment of contemplation for baby but this just made me laugh so. hard. THIS is so on brand - man finds a product he likes and never strays again. *edit - OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE LAVENDER TOO WHY AM I CACKLING
“The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed.”
yeah it painfully didn’t go unnoticed - fuck youuuuuuuu(lovingly)
“to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.”
the way he can still have that domesticity if he just pulled his head out of his ass, smdh
“Yo, what the fuck Baby,”
listen when she cut her hand i was so excited because ✨oooooh he’s gonna bandage her up✨ and the absolute sass is making it 1000x better. their banter gives me life lol
“It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you.”
she just like me fr
“he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.”
he is so stupid it pains me, ITS BEEN YEARS MY BOY!!! he is such a self saboteur
“Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours.”
the way he’s so capable of being what she deserves but puts an expiration date on it anyways - i want to slap him into next week
“Did you maybe wanna join me,”
omg it’s a date
“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.”
going to draft willie into my war against carmy being a fucking numbnut
“I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home”“Can you do that for me?”
i need him to shut the fuck up because i’m about to go full whore
“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?” 
AGHHHHHT THINGS ARE GETTING LUKEWARM!!!! it’s still so bittersweet tho bc i know he’s going to go back to being a grade a asshole once she leaves new york. for how many times he’s acted like he’s changed he’s really giving her trust issues
“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.” 
i can’t even blame baby because i know i would let this man emotionally destroy me a thousand times over
“Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.”
oh my god my brain is malfunctioning, i truly am in awe that this is your first time writing smut
“You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later”
SAY IT AINT SO….. oh god the way my stomach dropped…
“Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing”
SHUT UP THIS IS WHERE THE POLAROID SYD SAW CAME FROM?!!!!
“He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.”
miss ma’am you lied to me - things got more than lukewarm in this kitchen!!!! now they need to translate this energy into present day!!! god i’m breathing so heavy about this line alone.
interlude two | anyone who had a heart
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masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |
pairing: carmy x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | carmen berzatto x his delusions | carmen berzatto x self-sabotage | fem!reader x weakness for short slutty men with blue eyes | fem!reader x slutty gold chains | fem!reader x BEING FUCKING WEAK FOR SMARMY CARMY |
summary: the devastion of mikey's passing pushes baby into the arms of the man she loves the most.
warning(s): death | grief | funeral | refusal to grieve | denial | kinda delusional behavior | unhealthy coping mechanisms | angst | fluff | longing | mutual pining | idiots in love | love drunk carmy | probably ooc!carmy | wise willie | zero accuracy regarding new york | baby letting men pump and dump her | SMUT | P IN V | UNPROTECTED SEX | SOFT!DOM READER | VANILLA SEX | EMOTIONAL TENDER SEX |
wc: 17.3k
edited to the best of my abilities. if things don't make sense i apologize!
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March 1, 2022
The rain rhythmically bounced off the umbrella in Richie’s hand. Both of you huddled under the slightly too-small object, the majority of your bodies dry, but each of you felt your fair share of rain land squarely on you. The child in front of you, dry as a desert, her small stature an advantage.
All that could be heard was nature's tears singing against the various umbrellas and the voice of the priest that seemed to just drone on and on.
Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves.
You had all but ignored the empty seat situated next to Natalie, not wanting to believe the truth of the situation. As you stared at the coffin resting several feet in front of you, you couldn’t help but wonder what the cold lifeless body lying inside looked like. You knew there was only so much that could be done to make a body with a hole in its head presentable, and that a closed-casket funeral was for the best.
It was selfish, but you wanted one last look at Mikey. Did he look peaceful? Was he finally freed from the vices that had for so long controlled him? You so hoped that wherever he was, wherever his soul found its spiritual comforts he was at peace.
A tug on the sleeve of your coat drew your attention. Looking down your eyes met Eva's, the little girl insisted on standing with you, her small toddler hand securely wrapped in your adult one. It felt a little odd to be standing here like this, a buffer between a family that was no more, while also serving as the memory of one family’s missing piece.
She raised her arms in a signal to be picked up. Funerals were no place for children to be, but what good was lying to them about the realities of life? You gently lifted her into your arms sitting her on your hip comfortably. Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.
You felt Tiff step closer to you, arm wrapping around your waist so she leaned into Eva’s back. The comfort of the small family surrounding you keeps you grounded to the moment in front of you, not allowing your mind to think of the pain Mikey must’ve been in, or the voicemail that had gone unchecked for the past week.
Funerals were a funny thing for you, the last one you attended was your mom’s. And it wasn’t a competition, but her death was easier. That’s the thing with terminal illness; death is inevitable. You would never be prepared for any death in your life, but it was a bit easier knowing your mom didn’t have a fighting chance. Her decision to leave this realm behind was harder, but knowing her passing was painless and of her own volition helped.
But Mikey’s death was different. It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.
And it wasn’t like anyone wasn’t privy to his substance abuse, but none of you knew the depths to which it ate away at him, how it slowly killed him and he kept pushing on for the sake of others.
Maybe you should’ve asked him more about how he was doing when you interviewed him. Maybe you shouldn’t have sent him a portion of your article. Standing at the cemetery as the funeral continued, even with little Eva cuddling into you and Tiff and Richie surrounding you; you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.
Eva was asleep against your chest as you made your way to the fresh grave, Tiff in front of you and Richie closely behind doing his best to cover your small group with the umbrella. The rain hadn’t let up as you raised your dirt-filled hand over the pristine casket, this didn’t feel right at all. You had yet to cry since Sugar called you days ago with the news, it felt as though you were numb to the truth. Maybe it was your mind's way of protecting you.
But as long as the casket remained closed, and you never got one last peek at the man who had taught you that you deserved more than what you settled for. You could pretend for just a little longer that none of this was real.
Releasing your grip on the dirt you watched as it splashed across the top of the casket mixing with the droplets of rain. You hesitated for a minute turning your back on this casket felt too final, like leaving this cemetery would be closing a door in your life you were desperate to keep open.
Richie’s free hand came up to your shoulder, a soft squeeze pressed into your jacket. You looked back at him the same hurt and pain you were feeling reflected on his face. He gave you a small nod as a way to let you know that it was okay to walk away, that he understood the hurt you were feeling.
As Tiff walked off to her car, you held Eva in one hand and allowed Richie to grip your other. The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.
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March 12, 2022
Carmy sat on his lawn chair watching the rain splash against the window that led to his balcony, the funeral program rested lazily on his lap held in place by his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He didn’t realize it but this had been his routine since he learned of his brother's passing.
He would come home not even bothering to change out of his work clothes and plop down in the creaky lawn chair, usually on his balcony but recently the weather hadn’t been calm enough for that.
Light up a cigarette and just bask in his despair.
The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago. The newly acquired folded paper joined his after-work routine for the day after being left on the island in his kitchen since receiving it. 
Carmy wasn’t sure if he was angry at Mikey for choosing death, or if he was more hurt by what they would never again be able to experience with each other. He felt like once again Mikey had left him behind, not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.
The decision to skip the funeral wasn’t as hard as most would have thought. What good would Carmy have to offer by being there, it's not like anyone needed him. And anyway, he couldn’t just drop everything happening here in New York for a day, life didn’t work that way for him. 
Carmy knew he didn’t hate Mikey, he just didn’t understand his choices recently. Didn’t necessarily understand how much the prescriptions had fucked with his mind. And maybe in a selfish way, he wasn’t ready to understand, to forgive Mikey for leaving him so soon. Nothing to even show for the loss of the person who inspired him most besides the funeral program as an ugly reminder of what he could never be again.
A soft knock rang through the quiet apartment, the man inside happy to ignore it, sure it was just one of his neighbors doing whatever weird shit they usually did. He removed a cigarette from his pack standing up and setting the program in the chair before grabbing his lighter and moving to open the window.
He heard it again, this time a bit louder and more urgent sounding. Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.
No one had ever shown up at his apartment this late, not even the woman across the way who periodically tried to charm Carmy all kinds of inconvenient times of the night. The knocking finally stopped as muffled voices carried through the hallway outside his door.
Carmy wouldn’t consider himself a nosy neighbor but he did find himself a bit curious who was knocking at his door at such an hour it alerted another tenant. Cigarette sitting between his lips he made his way to the door, ear leaned against it as he tried to catch bits and pieces of the conversation happening out there.
Having no such luck he resorted to checking the peephole to find his neighbor outside her door talking with a woman who appeared to be soaked to the bone. Carmy watched for a moment, he couldn’t place it but something about the unknown woman looked familiar to him. He continued watching his neighbor motioning for the woman to wait outside for a moment while she grabbed something from her apartment.
Carmy was ready to return to his initial smoke break but found himself stopping as the woman faced his door. Heart stopping as he took in features he would remember for a lifetime. He quickly moved to unlock his door, throwing it open only to surprise the ghost of a woman standing in his hallway.
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You ceased your knocking as you heard a door opening behind you, turning to face a woman who appeared to be around the same age as you. From her appearance, it didn’t seem like you had woken her up so you were grateful for that fact.
“You’re making a mess in the hallway,” her eyes traveled over your form. Your figure sopping wet from the downpour you just escaped from.
A tired sigh left your lips, “Um, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know the guy who lives here?” Your hand motioned to the door that was at your back that you had just been knocking on. 
“You a friend or something?” The skepticism in the woman’s voice irked you, it was a yes or no question there was no need for her to give you the third degree.
You nodded trying to keep your cool. You were tired, dripping wet, and you weren’t even sure if Carmy was home. “Yeah, something like that.”
She gave you another once over before shaking her head back and forth, “No I don’t, sorry.” She began to close her door before you called out to her one last time.
“Wait sorry, is there any way I could use your phone, mine is dead,” you presented your phone as evidence, you didn’t want to be in this woman’s presence any more than she wanted to put up with you, but you needed to at least call a cab.
The subtle roll of her eyes caused the grip on your phone to tighten, luckily though the woman gave you a gesture to wait there before returning to her apartment.
You let out a sigh of relief, head dropping as your thoughts raced. You had no idea what the hell was going through your mind when you booked the last-minute flight. Having found Carmen’s address written on a forgotten piece of paper lying in the kitchen of the Berzatto family home.
The excuse to Sugar was that you had to meet with a potential interviewee for an upcoming article and couldn’t reschedule. You had already been in Chicago for longer than you originally planned, so what was one impromptu plane ride to the east coast?
There was no sign that the woman you bothered was coming back anytime soon so you decided to cut your losses, you would find a pay phone or something to use. You turned around sending one last look at Carmy’s door, the feeling that this was all for nothing setting in.
You went to pick up your bag from the ground when the sounds of a door unlocking caught your attention, raising back up to your full height as you watched the door you were initially knocking on harshly swing open.
Separated by a threshold Carmen Berzatto stood in front of you clad in his disheveled chef whites looking just as exhausted as you felt. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry if this trip did end up paying off, but after five years without him, five years of hurting and hoping you could no longer hold back all the emotions the man evoked within you.
Your trembling lips raised into a pathetic smile as your eyes took all of him in, “Hi Carmy.”
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The water dripped off of you as you awkwardly stood in the entryway to Carmy’s apartment. You watched him rush around to tidy up his apartment, he hadn’t said a word to you yet just opened his door wider with the expectation that you would enter.
“Carm,” your trembling voice doing nothing to stop the scrambling of the man in front of you.
“Carmen.” The name left your lips a little louder this time, finally gaining the man’s attention, his entire being turning in your direction but eyes never meeting yours. “Uh, could I maybe take a shower?”
Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him. As you walked through the apartment to his bedroom you couldn’t help but take in just how Carmy-like the living space was.
Lacking personal touch and like he was ready to flee at a moment's notice; the only commitment the man could make was being a chef apparently.
You stopped in front of the bathroom looking around his room before finally focusing on him. “I, do you think I could borrow some clothes?”
Again Carmy nodded the man acting as though his voice box wasn’t working. You watched him move around his room wondering if he’d ever award you any form of attention or verbal acknowledgment. He stopped for a minute eyes finally finding yours, “Go ahead and get cleaned up, I’ll leave these on the bed.”
Your eyes found the contents in his hand before it was your turn to nod and head into the bathroom. You started the shower searching for a towel and washcloth as you waited for the water to heat up. This whole trip could very well be a mistake, but there was no going back now, you were here, and you had already used your miles. 
Slipping out of your wet clothes felt like a struggle, the heavy fabric clinging to you like a second skin. You quickly stepped into the shower, not wanting any of the water to go to waste. The steaming water helped to relax you, all your worries about your visit being set aside as you basked in the warmth radiating around you.
After standing under the shower head and allowing the water to caress your skin, you reached for the products Carmy had lined up in his shower. The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas. Looking at the bottle in your hands you couldn’t help but think of all the ways in which Carmy wronged you, why you had allowed him to constantly hurt you, a fact you still couldn’t figure out.
And you couldn’t stand here in his shower glaring at a bottle the whole time you were here either. You took your time lathering your body allowing the calming aroma of lavender to invade your senses. Finishing you returned everything to its proper spot before rinsing your body and shutting the shower off.
Stepping out you wrapped the large fluffy towel around your body not chancing a glance at your reflection as you exited the bathroom. The door to the bedroom was closed and the clothes you saw in Carmy’s hands earlier sat in a neat pile on the bed. You perused the selection of a clean pair of boxer shorts, one of his many crew necks and a pair of socks were laid out for you.
The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed. 
You would have to forgo a bra but you’d been in much more uncomfortable positions with Carmy than this. Dressing you made your way to the door, stopping for a moment to allow yourself a deep breath, you couldn’t be sure what you would be walking into. Along with the fact that you were in a city you had never been in and your return flight wasn’t for two more days, Carmy was your only option. 
The warmth in the apartment slapped you in the face as you left Carmy’s room, the heater had been turned on. You followed the trail you had first taken finding your way to the living room that doubled as a kitchen.
“Sit,” you were almost ready to argue with Carmy’s demanding tone, but the food situated on the island counter stopped you.
You made your way to the lone stool taking a seat, trying not to marvel at the food in front of you. Carmy’s water bill would be high for the month, you had apparently been in the shower long enough for a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup to be made. Carmy still hard at work making something on the stovetop sans his chef jacket.
Eyeing the food in front of you, you couldn’t help the way your mouth watered. You greedily picked up a slice of the grilled cheese and dipped it into the hearty soup, The sigh of appreciation not going unnoticed by the chef a few feet away from you, a small smirk gracing his lips at the quiet sound you let out.
“Good?” The question caught you off guard, mouth still full, swallowing the bite in your mouth you set the rest of the sandwich down, eyes zeroing in on Carmy’s biceps that were put on full display by his form-fitting white shirt. 
“I’ve had better.” Carmy caught your shrug as he placed a steaming mug next to the rest of your food, doing his best not to outright smile at your stubborn attitude. He moved to lean his back against the sink, arms crossed over his chest as he studied you.
“Fuck Carmy,” the sigh left your lips reluctantly. “It’s actually fucking great.” So enthralled with the food set in front of you, you missed the pink blush that dusted across Carmy’s cheeks. The heat in the apartment almost felt like too much as the lewd words left your lips.
“Ahem, I uh, I’m gonna get cleaned up. Make yourself comfortable,” Carmy watched as you waved him off, the food you were eating stealing all of your attention.
Carmy watched you for a moment longer, still shocked that your physical presence was here in his apartment. He wasn’t sure what prompted this visit, or if he even deserved your attention after all the immature shit he had pulled. But he was thankful to see you doing well, to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.
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The mug of hot chocolate in your hands helped to send warmth through your body. You were still sitting at the stool not sure what to do as Carmy freshened himself up. Now that you weren’t shivering cold and rushing through the apartment you could finally take in the less than cozy abode. 
It wasn’t much but you were sure it was enough for Carmy, taking a few sips of your drink you began ambling around the apartment, mug still gripped in your hands, a tether to reality. The living room wasn’t messy but more so what you would describe as Carmy’s version of organized clutter.
A small couch and television helped to offer a homey feeling. The out-of-place lawn chair caught your eye, and the corner of your lips quirked up at how fucking Carmy it was. You made your way to the window it was sitting in front of, the New York skyline at this time of the day still a sight to see. The rain gliding down the window felt like it matched the steady pace of your heartbeat.
Turning to the lawn chair the contents in the seat grabbed your attention. Leaning over you picked up the unassuming paper, a jolt of sadness rushing through you as you read over the program. The funeral a week ago is still stuck in the back of your mind, the closed sleek black casket haunting your eyelids every night.
You quickly replaced the program in its original spot. You had come here intending to confront Carmy about his absence, but the more you stood in his apartment, the more you realized you weren’t actually ready to hear Carmy’s truth.
48 hours was all you had here, if you decided to use it as an escape, so be it. You would have to return to the reality that Mikey was dead sooner than later. You were allowed to let yourself use the time spent here as an escape from reality. You could use your time here to reprimand Carmy for his life decisions, or you could use the borrowed time to relish in finally seeing him after five years and try to figure out the back and forth the two of you have been participating in for a majority of your lives.
Mikey would understand, he wanted you to be happy, so it was okay to pretend for a little while that he’d be waiting there in Chicago when you got back right?
You made your way back to the kitchenette needing a distraction from the very thoughts you were running away from. You finished off your hot cocoa before grabbing your remaining dishes and heading to the sink. Washing dishes was the first distraction you could think of. 
As you made your way to the sink the sound of a door opening and feet padding across the floor could be heard. Quickly turning on the faucet you reached for the dish rag sitting in the sink, a sharp gasp escaping your lips at the pain that shot through the base of your palm, the running water easily turning a translucent pink color.
Snatching your hand back you spotted the blade of a knife that was covered in drops of your blood and haphazardly hidden under the dish rag. Your good hand reached to move the dish rag and grab the offending object. 
Finally getting a good grip on the knife, you were shocked at the familiarity of it, the personal initials carved into the handle proving your theory. The last time you laid eyes on these they were neatly tucked away into a luxurious gift box that Carmy discarded just as easily as he discarded you the morning after Christmas. 
And you thought they had been left in the same spot all these years, collecting dust in his childhood bedroom. But as you held a knife from the set in your hand, and your eyes moved to the remaining set delicately placed on the counter not too far away, you realized that to be nowhere near the truth. 
“Yo, what the fuck Baby,” your attention turned to Carmy’s voice behind you his figure clad in a pair of sweats and a white tank top. That stupid fucking gold chain that you had dreamed of taking between your teeth one too many times glistened against the firmness of his chest.
The delicate grip on your injured hand tore your eyes from the sinful chain. Carmy’s eyes raised your hand to his face examining the seriousness of the wound, “What happened?” 
“Cut myself,” you raised the knife in your hand to show him, watching as his eye darted between you and the tool he took so much pride in owning.
“What the fuck did you do that for?” Carmen Berzatto’s attitude would never cease to surprise you.
You scoffed quickly snatching your hand from his grip, and walking to grab the dish towel hanging from his oven, “I didn’t do it on purpose you fucking idiot.” 
Carmy began rummaging around in his cabinets his search not continuing for too long before he made his way over to you, first aid kit in his grasp. You were honestly surprised he owned one sure he’d rather bask in his pain than take care of himself.
Your good hand shot out aiming to grab the first aid kit from his hands. The slight slap to your hand caused your mouth to drop open, who the hell did he think he was?
“Give me the kit Carmen.” You watched as his eyes met yours, the once blank expression on his face morphing into a frown. 
“Don’t say my name like that,” you rolled your eyes before reaching out once again, only to receive the same result. “Just let me help you. Why are you being so fucking stubborn!”
You raised your eyebrows not expecting Carmy to yell at you. Your hand reluctantly came up between the two of you so he could bandage it up. It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you. 
The two of you sat in silence as Carmy cleaned the cut, the consensus was that you didn’t need stitches so the ointment and bandages Carmy had would do. You watched as he worked, hands delicately mending your wound he was so focused on.
When he finished you lowered your hand watching as he cleaned up before you made your exit to the living room, sitting on one side of the couch. Your back was to the kitchen as Carmy finished tidying up, the only sign he followed you out was him walking around the couch in your peripheral.
He joined you on the couch choosing the safe option and sitting directly across from you, the space speaks volumes. You brought your legs up to your chest, if this was a month ago you probably would have let all your hurt and anger guide you in this moment. 
But as life taught you, the universe was eager to snatch away people you thought you had forever with. 
It was silent for a little longer, the both of you avoiding eye contact. You finally turned to face him wanting to understand the choices he made regarding the situation between you two.
“Carmy?” You rested your chin atop your knees as he finally provided you with his full attention, “Did I do something wrong?”
His eyebrows raised, whether, from shock or surprise, you couldn’t be sure. You watched as his eyes darted across the room like he was looking for an anchor. You weren’t too sure who adult Carmy was, because the boy you used to know easily held conversations with you, even the tough ones. 
“I just…I want to understand you, Carmy. And I want to know why I’m not good enough for you,” as soon as those words left your lips it was like you were looking at 18-year-old Carmy again. “I thou-we seemed to be in a good place after Christmas dinner, but then I woke up alone and…and it felt like we were back at square one like you ghosted me all over again.”
You were staring directly into Carmy’s eyes, it was hard but it needed to be done. You needed him to see, to understand how much his actions continued hurting you. 
His hand raised in a gesture you had seen too many times to count, fingers running through his hair. If he didn’t want to have this conversation you couldn’t force him to, but you also wouldn’t keep allowing him to run in and out of your life when it was convenient for him. The two of you were friends once, and you weren’t going to allow him to continue exploiting the love you had for him.
Your arms wrapped around your propped-up legs, a security blanket for the words you were about to force out. “You can be honest with me, Carmy. If you told me you wanted nothing to do with me I’d be on the next flight out of here.” You waited for anything, a sigh, words, but all you got was his steel blue eyes staring you down in the space across from you. 
A sardonic chuckle escaped your lips as you quickly wiped the tears racing down your cheeks. Head falling back to stare at the ceiling as a way to not allow Carmy to see your tears, before calming yourself down enough to meet his gaze head-on.
“I can’t be the only one that wants more for us Carmy.” You could see the light reflecting off the glazed film in his eyes. “And I don’t think I am. But you’re inconsistent with your feelings, and I know it’s wrong of me to spring this on you considering the circumstances…but I just need honesty Carmy, that’s all.”
You said your peace, but you weren’t sure what else you could say to try to make him understand and maybe that was the problem, maybe he didn’t want to understand. You leaned into the couch cushion for comfort. The distance stretching between you was nowhere near as hurtful as the silence.
The fatigue from your flight was beginning to set in, you rushed everything to make it here that you hadn’t realized how much of a toll it took on you. 
Carmy watched you from his side of the couch, arms crossed against his chest. There was so much he wanted to say to you but didn’t know how. He knew you deserved the truth, but it had never before been asked of him in this context. He was scared of the fact that he wanted more with you; it  frightened him.
The idea he had of the two of you in his head was intoxicating and unnerving all at once. He could admit to himself that he dreamed of a life with you, and found himself lost in thought too many times to count about what it would be like to come home after a long shift to you there waiting for him.
Carmen was intoxicated by the idea of spending the rest of his life with you, a continuous beacon in your life that surpassed the title of friend and edged into something more. But he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.
Loving you unnerved Carmy, firstly because he wasn’t sure how he would know he was in love with you or not. And secondly, he didn’t know how to love you and wasn’t sure if he was capable of it. If there was one thing Carmy knew it was that you were deserving of a life-altering love, a love that transcended lifetimes if possible.
But he was almost positive he couldn’t be that person for you, he wasn’t deserving of you.
“I uh, I tried calling you,” Carmy stopped to collect himself, he wanted to talk to you, to let you understand him like you once did. “You changed your number. And that’s not an excuse. I understood why. I just…I guess I took it as a sign that there was nothing left for us.”
His eyes met yours searching for any sort of reaction, any form of acknowledgment. Your puffy eyes and tear-stained face stared back at him, his heart clenching in his chest at the emotional distress he constantly put you through.
“I um,” a placating smile raised to Carmy’s lips as he fumbled with his fingers as a distraction. “I can’t-Baby I-we both know I can’t give you what you deserve.” Carmy did his best to play off the watery undertone in his voice, eyes quickly darting up to yours as he heard your sniffles.
Carmy watched as your head rapidly nodded up and down, a sad knowing smile stretching across your lips. The tightness in his chest increased tenfold, his hand coming up to press into the middle of his chest, hoping to alleviate the pain. 
“I um, I think I would like to go to sleep if that’s okay?” You raised your head to look at Carmy, you told him you would accept his rejection, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to hurt. 
Carmy nodded getting up and walking towards you, holding his hand out to help you up. You allowed him to grasp your soft hand in his firm calloused one, head down as he led you to his bedroom. He motioned for you to sit down on his bed as he escaped into the bathroom, coming back a moment later with tissues in his hand.
You avoided his eyes as he bent down on his knees in front of you, gently using the collected tissue to dab at your puffy face. You couldn’t help the sorrowful laugh that escaped your lips, the scene reminded you of when the two of you were growing up and Carmy would always help clean your face after a good cry.
A tight smile formed on his lips as his eyes met yours, the two of you probably thinking of the same memories. He finished drying your face before returning to the bathroom to throw away the tissues. Carmy helped you up from the bed to pull down his comforter before allowing you to get in.
He watched as you scooted over to make room for him awaiting his entrance, “Uh lemme just tidy up out there.” Both of you knew it was an excuse but neither were brave enough to admit it. 
Carmy quickly left the room heading straight for the small duffle you had brought with you. He was sure the rain had soaked through your bag and wet your belongings. Making his way to the closet where his washer and dryer were located he easily fit your clothes into the wash, not wanting you to be stuck in his clothes for however long you were there.
He found your laptop bag in there as well, quickly removing it from its confines and drying it with a clean kitchen towel. Placing the laptop on his counter he made his way around the kitchenette to clean up the mess your blood made and finish off the dishes you hadn’t been able to wash. All of this was a distraction to the warm body he knew was waiting up for him in bed, he felt the urge to prolong the inevitable but realized he might never get this chance again.
Carmy quickly finished his clean of the front room, it wasn’t up to his usual standards but he could no longer deny himself the thing he wanted most in that moment; to wrap you up in his arms and hope he’d never have to let go.
Making sure all appliances were off and starting the washer, he quickly made his way back into his bedroom, closing the door as quietly as he could. He stood in the middle of the room for a minute, the figure peacefully lying in his bed not something he was used to. Carmy quietly crept over to the empty side of the bed lifting the covers and allowing himself to slide in.
Carmy knew you weren’t asleep and any other time he might’ve felt embarrassed to be so eager to be near you, but something about being in your presence felt right. Carmy made sure to scoot close to you, arm moving to wrap around your midsection and bring you closer to him, the need to feel your body pressed against his barely being satisfied.
His face found its way to the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath, the lavender scent he loved so much dancing across his senses. The sigh you let out into the night was a sign that you both wanted this just as much.
Carmy moved his head up a few inches, lips brushing against the ‘B’ hidden behind your ear. There wasn’t a day he didn’t think about the hidden ink stain or the words you said to him when he first found it.
Pressing one more soft kiss against the inkblot Carmy felt as you relaxed into him. Your warm body in his arms once more provided a feeling of bliss he wasn’t aware he needed.
You both knew the position you were in and the soft caress of Carmy’s lips against your skin, was a direct contradiction of the claims he made earlier. But neither of you would be the voice of reason in these 48 hours you had together.
Whatever happened between the two of you during this time would be welcomed with open arms. You and Carmy were on borrowed time, there would be time for regrets later, but as Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours. 
“Sweet dreams Baby.” 
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Carmy looked most at peace while sleeping, the stress and exhaustion seemed to have melted off of him as his mind transported him to the land of dreams.
You had been awake for some time now, Carmy’s presence helpful enough to allow you a few peaceful hours of sleep. But the inevitable thoughts of a life lost would always haunt you through the night. So here you were watching the slight rise and fall of Carmy’s chest, his lips parted slightly. He looked adorable like this but you felt a little weird just watching someone sleep. 
Your hand raised gently moving the waves out of Carmy’s face, leaning in slightly to press a delicate kiss on his forehead before quietly making your way out of the bed. It was a little tricky to open the door without waking Carmy but you had managed.
Leaving the hallway that led to Carmy’s room you entered the living room, searching for the duffle you brought with you. Only to find it open on the floor, your toiletry bag the only item that remained in the bottom of the bag. Confusion swept across your face as you tried to figure out where the rest of your belongings were.
Looking around the living area you spotted your laptop resting on the counter, your laptop bag sitting on a towel next to it. You would figure things out later. The first thing you wanted to do right now was to brush your teeth.
You quickly tip-toed back into Carmy’s room and the bathroom quietly shutting the door behind you and beginning your morning routine. Now refreshed you exited the bathroom, a small smile gracing your lips as you took in Carmy’s still-sleeping figure. 
Perusing the fridge and pantry you found a lack of any edible food. The few things available allowed you to whip up some French toast. You were no chef and maybe you should’ve left the cooking to Carmy but you were hoping this could be an olive branch for the two of you. If Carmy didn’t want to be with you romantically, maybe the two of you could work on mending your friendship.
Carmy woke up to an empty bed, his first thoughts that you had escaped in the night, his heart clenching a bit at the thought. He couldn’t be mad he pulled the same stunt on you, turning to lay on his back he stared at his ceiling, mind racing as he thought about the conversation from yesterday. 
Carmy knew he wanted to be happy, and he also knew he wanted that with you. He just didn’t know the first thing about romantic love or how to explicitly make his wants clear to you. It seemed as though he’d never get that chance, you were serious about catching the next flight out. 
Sitting up in bed he looked around, trying to gain his bearings. The sound of his bedroom door opening jolted him from his thoughts. He watched as you walked in with two plates in your hands, the smell of French toast invading his senses. His eyes found yours as you stopped in the doorway a small shy smile sent in his direction.
“I made us breakfast,” Carmy watched you make your way towards him, taking a plate off your hands as you sat on the bed in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind French toast, you uh didn’t have much to work with.” 
Carmy’s eyes subtly lit up at the fact that you were still there, that you hadn’t left. “No, yeah this is great, you uh, used cinnamon and everything.” The shy teasing smile on Carmy’s face caused a small chuckle to bubble out of you.
The two of you ate in silence for the most part, each of you stealing glances at one another while the other wasn’t paying attention. Shy smiles sent each other’s way when one of you would catch the other’s eye. 
You watched as Carmy took the plate from your hands and made his way to the door, you sat there for a moment watching him walk away before getting up and following behind him. You silently took a seat on the stool at the counter watching as Carmy began cleaning the remaining breakfast dishes.
The stretch of his back muscles under the tank top he was wearing was a sight to see. It surprised you a bit how toned Carmy was considering he lived and breathed being a chef, you didn’t expect him to have free time to worry about his physique. 
You waited as Carmy finished sending him a small smile as he finally faced you. He made his way to you, the two of you separated by the counter, his forearms resting on the counter accentuated his toned biceps.
“I actually need to go to the farmer’s market today,” you waited to see if there was anything more he had to say but the silence drew on.
“Oh, I can stay here, I have work to finish.” You gestured your hand to the laptop not far from the two of you, trying not to let your disappointment show.
“Did you maybe wanna join me,” Carmy waited for your response, eyes darting around your face hoping you would say yes.
“Do you…want me to join you?” You could laugh, the two of you sitting here beating around the bush like two teenagers. 
You waited as you took in Carmy’s shy demeanor, the blush rising from his neck, you were tempted to point it out but didn’t want him to close himself off like you were used to. 
“I want you to come with me to the farmers market.” Carmy made sure to look you in the eyes as the words left his mouth, sure that he was red in the face but wanting you to know how much he wanted to spend time with you. 
The two of you stared at each other for a while, the toothy grin on your face mirroring the his smaller one. The small nod of your head was everything Carmy needed to see for his heartbeat to calm down. He watched as you giddily got up from your seat presumably to get ready.
“Oh um did you do something with my clothes?” The smile didn’t seem to be leaving your face anytime soon.
Carmy cleared his throat hand raising to scratch the back of his neck, “Yeah I, uh I washed them, they’re in my closet.” 
You couldn’t deny that those words made your heart pick up speed a bit, the idea of feeling giddy that your clothes were in Carmy’s closet was a bit childish, but you would take what you could get at this point. 
“Oh, okay I’ll just go get ready then.” Your hand gestured to the room behind you.
“Yeah,” Carmy couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of you getting ready in his apartment, it was almost like he could pretend this was his reality.
“Yeah,” you didn’t know why you were acting like a love-struck teenager but Carmy just brought it out of you.
“Okay,” Carmy nodded his head signaling you to take your leave.
“Oka-.”
“Baby just go get fucking ready.” A huff of laughter escaped Carmy at the way you were acting.
Carmy stood by the counter watching as you ran off to prepare yourself for the day. He couldn’t stop the smile from gracing his lips as he listened to your melodic laughter sing through the emptiness of his apartment.
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You had split from Carmy a few booths back, the two of you deciding it was for the best. Your constant wandering off to booths that intrigued you put Carmy in a panic when he would look to see you no longer at his side. 
It was your first time in New York and you were just happy to take in this small portion of what the city had to offer. The farmer’s market here was similar to the ones you’d been to back home, though the weather would take some getting used to, not like you needed to. You’d be back in Chicago before you knew it. 
You found a small flea market-type area towards the back of the farmers market. Vendors gathered around selling handmade items and keepsakes. A few minutes into your perusal of the area you found a vendor selling handmade clothing items. A pretty cami dress caught your eye that the vendor exclaimed you just had to have, and who were you to turn down a beautiful dress selling for a decent price in the streets of New York.
With the dress nicely tucked away into a paper bag gently swinging from your arm, you decided it was time to make your way back to the entrance of the farmers market and wait for Carmy. On your journey back you stopped at a vendor selling handmade leather goods, a particular leather wallet drawing your attention.
The familiarity of it caused you to let loose a shuddering breath, the small item reminded you of Mikey’s wallet. Although his was more used, worn in. Standing on this street and looking down at the pristine wallet in front of you was almost like looking at a replica.
You remembered asking him once why he chose to use the ratty old thing and the smart-ass response he had given you. The fact that an inanimate object that had no ties to Mikey was causing this sort of reaction inside you, felt too real, it felt like grief was prepared to sink its claws into you. 
And you couldn’t allow it, because you were in New York finally on somewhat good terms with Carmy. And Mikey would be waiting for your return to Chicago, eager to hear about your time with his little brother. 
“Would you like to buy it, miss?” Your eyes found the vendors, a forced smile tracing your lips.
You slowly shook your head feeling a little bad for turning down goods from a small business, you just didn’t need the wallet, especially not one that would remind you of him every day.
The walk back to the farmers market felt melancholy: the promise to yourself to compartmentalize Mikey and his situation was becoming harder the more time you spent alone. Your search for Carmy became more urgent the longer you couldn’t find him. The racing images of Mikey’s casket swirling with your recent moments spent in Carmy’s presence. 
You didn’t want to burden Carmy with the debilitating thoughts you were having, not wanting to ruin the good thing the two of you had going. Neither of you brought up the elephant in the room and it seemed like neither of you was going to. The both of you content to live in momentary bliss for the time you had together. 
It felt like you were spiraling and all because of some stupid too similar fucking wallet. You finally made your way to the entrance of the market hoping Carmy would know to look for you there.
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Carmy gathered the ingredients necessary for the dinner he planned for tonight, luckily for him the restaurant was closed on Sundays so he could spend the day with you. 
He still wasn’t sure that any of this was real. You showing up outside his apartment at two in the morning, holding you as you slept, and now adventuring out to the market he frequented, it all felt like a dream.
There was one last stop Carmy needed to make before he met up with you. He made his way to the old flower vendor who was always the first one here to ensure he set up a show at the entrance. Carmy had his fair share of conversations with the man but had never actually bought any flowers off of him, but today was the day that changed. 
“Carmen is that you?” Carmy raised his head from the flowers he was glancing at, the old man sitting on the stool smiling his way.
“Yes sir. How you doing today Willie?” Carmy wasn’t much into friends or acquaintances since the two of you parted ways all those years ago, but Willie was a special case. Always kind, on Carmy’s first visit to this particular market the older man had explained to him the layout and gave him insider information about what times were best to come to ensure he got the freshest ingredients from each vendor. 
“You thinking about buying something today son?” The older man rose from his seated position plopping the paper he was reading in his place.
Carmy nodded eyes going back to the various flowers to choose from. This wasn’t Carmy, he had never done something like this, not willingly at least. But he knew flowers could symbolize different things, and have different meanings. And if he couldn’t figure out how to be straightforward and speak with you, maybe a hand-picked bouquet could solve that issue. 
“Looking for anything in particular?” He glanced at Willie, a slight frown marring his face, he genuinely had no idea.
Carmy chuckled, hand raising to scratch the nape of his neck, “I’m not sure Willie.” He felt a little embarrassed. How was he to translate his feelings to you through horticulture if he knew nothing about flowers and their meanings.
“Well help me out boy, tell me who they’re for an maybe I can whip something up for you.” It was like perfect timing as Carmy heard your voice trickling into his ears. You were standing on the other side of the entrance phone to your ear as you spoke to somebody, a look of exhaustion on your features.
Carmy’s eyes caught yours as you glanced in his direction, he watched that beautiful smile appear as you quickly ended the call with whoever you were talking to, smile mirroring yours as you two stared at each other across the distance. Your hand raised in a shy wave smile growing wider as Carmy reciprocated the gesture. 
“Now Carmen, why didn’t you tell me these were for your old lady,” Carmy’s head shot around to find Willie smirking at him from his side of the booth. “Is that the young lady in that picture you keep in your wallet?” 
Carmy watched frozen, as Willie moved around his booth, trying his best to figure out when the older man had ever caught a glance at the picture of you two. “Uh, she’s just a friend sir.” 
“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.” The flowers in Willie’s hand were used to point in your direction. 
“I saw the way she looked at you just now son, that girl is in love,” Carmy listened as Willie began constructing the bouquet, ears tuned to what the man was saying. 
“I’ll give it to you straight boy, you’re gonna regret every chance you didn’t take with that young lady. Now I don’t know the situation between you two, but what I do know is that you look at that girl like she invented oxygen, I know because that’s how I looked at my Debbie.” Carmy was raptly intrigued with Willie’s words, watching the sad smile take over his lips as he mentioned his recently deceased wife.
“And from our interactions you don’t seem to me like the type to let rare opportunities pass you by,” the bouquet seemed to be pretty much finished, the older man just putting the final touches. “Now you give that pretty young lady this here bouquet, you make her a nice dinner like I’m sure you planned. And you let her know how much you appreciate her.” 
Carmy nodded his head rapidly trying to take in everything the older man said. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Willie wave you over to them.
“Excuse me miss? Why don’t you come on over here and join us.” Carmy could feel the panic rising within him.
“N- Willie No don-.”
“Hush up boy and introduce me to your lovely girl.” You stopped next to Carmy eyes widening as you took in the unknown man's words. 
You looked at Carmy as he brought his hand up to swipe across his mouth, a tight-lipped smile lining his lips afterwards.
“Hi sweetie I’m Willie Carmen’s only friend in this city,” you laughed as the man winked at you before holding his hand out listening as you introduced yourself. 
“It’s nice to meet you Willie, you have some beautiful flowers, do you harvest them yourself?” The man in front of you waved off the compliment with a serene smile on his face.
“My wife and I started selling at this market 20 years ago. This is my first year without her.” The smile on your lips faltered as you offered your condolences.
“Now I don’t wanna keep you too long, but this bouquet here is for you to miss.” You looked at Carmy before your eyes found Willie’s again, your cheeks warming at what the man was insinuating. 
“Oh um, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?” Your wallet was out and ready in your hand, Carmy’s hand shooting out to stop you as he thrust money forward. 
“Y’all put that money away now,” Willie shook his head scoffing at the idea of either of you paying.
He held out the bouquet in your direction, the smile lining his face urged you to take it. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful bouquet, the colorful assortment helping to ease the foreboding feeling you had earlier. 
“Our friend Carmen here chose each of those flowers,” you looked in Carmy’s direction, the blush on his face so endearing to you. “I went on ahead and tucked a card in there with their meanings. You two make a fine pair, don’t let life get in the way of the love you share, you hear me?”
You nodded avoiding Carmy’s eyes like your life depended on it, easily listening to the wisdom Willie was bestowing upon the two of you. 
“The world is kind but she is also cruel. She will take away the things we love even if we’re not ready to part with them. Love each other loudly and with no regrets, it's always good to see young love prosper.”  The sad look in Willie’s eyes pulled at your heartstrings, you stood there wondering if he had any regrets. 
The clearing of Carmy’s throat finally drew your attention from the wise older man in front of you. “Thank you Willie really, but we should be heading home.” 
Willie nodded a pleasant smile on his lips, “Damn right! The two of you holdin up my business.” The older man shooed the two of you off a chuckle followed his gesture. 
“It was nice meeting you Willie, thank you again for the beautiful bouquet.” You sent him one last wave before you and Carmy moved away from the booth.
“It’s a gorgeous bouquet Carmy,” you glanced over the flowers before your eyes locked with Carmy’s, a loving smile splitting your face. 
Carmy smiled, unconsciously reaching out to move a stray piece of hair from your eyes, hurriedly dropping his hand and clearing his throat. “Let’s get them home and into some water yeah?” Carmy’s eyes darted around doing his best not to stare at you for too long.
You looked down trying to hide your smile, the word ‘home’ filled you with warmth. Your hand reached out to intertwine his with your own, avoiding Carmy’s eyes as they finally focused on you, “Lead the way.”
The gentle squeeze of your hand in Carmy’s made you smile, the two of you making your way back to his apartment. Neither of you mentioned holding hands as you journeyed home, just like neither of you said anything as you melted into his safe embrace on the subway ride.
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The two of you entered the small apartment, your laughs filtering through the hallway and into the entranceway. A run-in with Carmy’s neighbor across the hall was responsible for the now-dying laughter between the two of you.
“Is she always like that?” You stopped allowing Carmy to help you out of your jacket before he hung it up. You turned to him, taking the bags out of his hand as you made your way to the kitchen. Setting them on the counter before searching for something to hold your flowers. 
Carmy followed behind you after removing his own coat, hands falling to your waist as he moved around you to unload the few groceries he had gotten for tonight. “She uh, airdropped me a nude once, so right now was pretty tame I guess.” 
Your headshot to Carmy’s everything in you holding back the laugh that was desperately trying to escape. “Poor girl. Did you send one back?” You nudged your elbow into his watching as the blush on his cheeks deepened.
He maneuvered around you trying to ignore your teasing, “God no, we uh went out for drinks once, it was cool.” 
The crumbs he was giving you surprised you, “And nothing like came out of that?”
“I dunno was something supposed to?” Carmy made sure not to give you direct attention, mortified that he was even having this conversation with you in his kitchen.
“Well did you want it to?” You didn’t know why you had latched onto this topic of conversation so hard, it reminded you of the times Carmy would ramble to you about Claire. And if you were just spending the weekend with a friend wasn’t this the type of conversation you should be engaging in? 
Carmy turned to you as you finally found a glass big enough to support the bouquet, he watched as you filled the glass with water before trimming the stems. “Not with her, no.”
You looked up to see Carmy finally looking at you with a serious expression painting his flushed face. You couldn’t help it as your eyes dropped to his lips, clocking the subtle peak of his tongue poking out as he wet his lips. 
Carmy made his way towards you, Willie's words from earlier bouncing around in his head. He pulled the flower from your hand and placed it in the large glass he wasn’t even aware he had. He cleared his throat hoping he had enough confidence to get these words out.
“I’m gonna start on dinner, and you’re gonna go get ready,” his hand came up to hold the left side of your jaw, finger finding the spot behind your ear he always took special care to remember. “I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home.” Carmy stopped watching as you nodded your head showing that you were paying attention.
“Can you do that for me?” His eyes traced your face looking for any signs that you were uncomfortable.
Your lidded eyes lazily blinked up at him a quiet ‘yes’ escaped through your parted lips. A small smile rested on Carmy’s lips as he leaned in to plant a delicate kiss on your forehead, lips lingering for a moment too long.
He reluctantly removed himself from you waiting for you to scurry off. Surprised when you took a step closer to him and leaned in, a gentle press of your lips connecting to the corner of his. Carmy watched as you pulled away and smiled at him before taking your leave.
Carmy stood in his kitchen for a minute, heart racing as he realized what he had just done. The only place Carmy had ever been in control was in the kitchen, so maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to take control in that moment, well that and Willie’s lecture.
He was sure it would never happen again as he began preparing the ingredients for the lasagna he planned to make for the two of you. 
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You and Carmy had switched places a few minutes ago after he walked in on you wrapped in a towel and profusely apologized  for almost a whole minute. You easily slipped into your dress while Carmy was in the shower. 
As you walked into the living room you could smell the delicious aroma of the cuisine Carmy prepared for the two of you. You were glad to be out of Carmy’s presence for the time being, your brain doing its best to process the moment the two of you had shared in the kitchen. 
The cold shower you took did nothing to calm down the feelings swirling around inside you. You had never seen Carmy so in control of anything in his life, the demanding tone he used with you earlier almost had you making a fool of yourself right there in his kitchen. 
A constant beep coming from the oven drew your attention, you quickly made your way to the kitchen grabbing a towel to remove the hot dish from its place resting in the oven. You couldn’t help but marvel at the pretty lasagna in your hands. It was a bit weird to describe food as pretty, but the presentation was generally pleasing to the eyes.
You walked to the countertop to set the dish down, turning to search through the kitchen for plates and utensils. Having a slightly hard time as you had no idea where anything was located at.
“Baby?” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, not having heard him make his approach. 
You turned in his direction, a light laugh leaving your lips. It was a bit comical, the two of you dressed nicely, feet bare in his New York apartment. You took in his appearance biting your lip as you spotted his chain that encouraged you to do sinful things. He was dressed in probably the only slacks he owned, the ankles cuffed since he wasn’t wearing shoes. The deep green crew neck hugging his body was similar in color to the dress you were wearing, the unexpected matching caused another laugh to leave your lips. 
The box in his hand finally caught your attention, it appeared to be a present of some sort. You pointed at it with the random spoon you had picked up while searching for cutlery. 
“What’s that?” You furrowed your brows as you watched Carmy revert to his usual shy self. 
He held the gift out to you, “Go ahead, open it.” Your hand brushed his as you took the box from his hold feeling a bit giddy at the unsolicited gift.
Carmy held his breath as he watched you open a five-year-old gift in his kitchen. You looked beautiful and he wanted to tell you but couldn’t seem to force the words out too enthralled with the intimate atmosphere that had been surrounding the two of you since earlier in the kitchen. 
Carmy was a fool for leaving you the morning after Christmas and knowing that he let Mikey down when it came to you haunted him. He was glad to have these days with you, it wasn’t healthy but the two of you were providing a distraction for each other. 
“Carmy oh my goodness,” the gasp of your breath brought Carmy back to reality. His cheeks warmed at seeing you so happy. “How much did this even cost you, these things are like relics.” Your eyes flashed to the smile on your face seeming to brighten up the kitchen.
“It doesn’t matter, I bought this for Christmas and just…I never sent it.” He was prepared for you to scold him for his stupidity, tell him you didn’t care for the gift, and that you couldn’t play pretend with him anymore. 
The press of your warm body against his surprised him, quickly wrapping his arms around your waist. Holding onto you so tightly scared that if he let you go then you would disappear and he’d realize this weekend was just a dream.
“I love it Carmy really, thank you.” Your arms were still wrapped around his neck as the two of you gazed into each other's eyes. 
“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?” 
You wasted no time before you leaned forward pressing a sweet kiss into his lips lingering for a moment to translate the love you felt for him. Carmy’s hand moved up to your jaw, keeping you locked in place against him, his tongue slipping out to caress your bottom lip.
You slowly opened your mouth allowing him in, the softness of his tongue exploring the warmth of your mouth. The kiss was slow, sensual, all the pent-up emotions being shared between the two of you. 
The rhythm Carmy set was easy for you to follow along with, you took the chance to suck on his tongue a bit, losing yourself in the feelings this one kiss was bringing forth.
You parted from Carmy reluctantly, a small smile raised to your lips as you watched him chase you for more. A soft moan escaped you as he began decorating kisses down your jaw and to your neck, tilting your head back to allow him better access, surprise painting your features as he raised you to sit on his counter. 
Carmy continued to study you with his lips, tracing down your pulse point and across your collarbone. It would never be enough for him, he would never be able to satisfy his hunger for you no matter how much of your skin his lips could paint. 
The soft whimpers snatched from your lips going straight to his groin, his hips unconsciously canting against your leg that was in perfect alignment. 
“Touch me Carmy…please,” Carmy swore he could cum from the sound of your begging alone.
But he stopped his ministrations, the realization that he had no idea what he was doing hitting him like a ton of bricks. 
You watched as Carmy pulled away from you chest rapidly puffing up and down as the confusion swept across your face. “Carmy?” Your voice trailed off you couldn’t help the hurt you were feeling, here you were sitting atop Carmy’s kitchen counter dress hiked up to your waist the lacy underwear you had chosen to wear in full view, the straps of your dress pulled down precariously low that the top of your areolas was peeking out. 
You quickly adjusted the top of your dress before hopping off the counter and pulling down the hem. Eyes filling with tears as you were brought back to prom night, memories re-playing all the hurt that came after it. 
Carmy’s head shot up from its place in his hands the tears in your waterline and the way you had shrunken into yourself making him feel like a complete fucking asshole.
“Shit no Baby…I-Fuck!” Carmy watched as you jolted a little at the shout of his voice, he was fucking this up more than it already was.
“Hey, hey,” he closed the distance between the two of you, raising his hands to your jaw and forcing you to look at him. “Baby, I-I’m sorry it's just…I don’t,” Carmy took a deep breath trying to gain his bearings. “I’ve never done this stuff before.” 
Carmy’s eyes followed the emotions crossing your face, a frown painting your face before your eyes widened and your lips parted in the shape of an ‘o’. 
“Carmy…have you never been intimate with anyone before?” Carmy knew your question wasn’t teasing or malicious but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at having to admit this to you. 
“I uh, you were my first kiss…and my second kiss just now,” Carmy hung his head in shame, blush rising from his neck to stain his cheeks. 
“Oh my goodness I’m such an asshole,” Carmy looked up at you a chuckle escaping him at your declaration. Your hand reached out to rest against his cheek thumb caressing back and forth. “Carmy I thought you were rejecting me.” Now it was your turn to feel shameful, your first thoughts being selfish ones as opposed to waiting to hear Carmy’s explanation. 
Carmy’s hand came up to grip yours on his cheek, head turning to place a soft kiss on your pulse point. “Let’s sit and eat, yeah?” Carmy waited for your response, smiling at you as you nodded. “I wanna spend as much time together as we can.” 
You pulled him into a sweet kiss, his hands squeezing your waist at the feeling of being able to freely kiss you “I’d like that.” You pulled away the two of you sharing bright smiles as you moved to have the dinner Carmy had so lovingly planned out.
Neither of you pointed out the fact that things would be coming to an end for you two tomorrow, but you’d bask in this loving atmosphere for all the remaining time you two had together. 
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You could feel soft lips pressing into the space behind your left ear, your first instinct was worry. Confused by the warm body pressed into you from behind strong arms gripping your waist as though you would disappear at a moment's notice. The memories of the last day with Carmy led you to relax.
A quiet sniffle finally woke you up enough, your eyes opening to the dimly lit room. A familiar head of hair tucked snuggly into your neck, and slight huffs of breaths could be heard.
“Carmy?” The raspiness of your morning voice echoed around the room, you could hear the breathing quiet down a bit, concern spiking in you. 
You began turning wanting to comfort the man you had been in love with for most of your life, it was a struggle as the arms around you tightened but you finally turned to your side Carmy burying his face in your t-shirt-clad chest.
“Carmy, honey,” the lack of response was beginning to worry you, you had shared your fair share of cries with Carmy throughout your friendship but considering the circumstances that brought you together this time around, you couldn’t help but freak out a bit. “Hey, hey look at me yeah?”
“I-I just need a minute please.” The crack of Carmy’s voice went straight to your heart. He maneuvered so the top of his body was laying on your chest and stomach, his lower body settling gently between your legs. 
You leaned forward pressing a lingering kiss to his head before lying back down and slowly stroking your fingers through his hair, wanting to make him as comfortable in this moment as you could. You were content to hold him all day if that’s what he needed.
The two of you laid like that for a while, Carmy’s breathing and sniffling calming down after a few minutes. You watched as Carmy propped himself up on his elbows, pressing a small kiss into the fabric of your shirt over your stomach, a small smile rising to your lips as you watched him.
“Talk to me, Carm?” You watched as he looked up to you, pretty blue eyes swollen from the tears he’d been shedding. 
Carmy moved up a little resting his cheek against your sternum arms wrapped tightly around you, “Uhh, Sug called, said Mikey left something for me.” 
It was quiet as you let his words sink in, a shuddering sigh leaving you as your hands unconsciously began running back through Carmy’s hair. 
You felt Carmy’s hand slip under the shirt of his you were borrowing, fingers gliding across the skin of your stomach lazily tracing circles. The small gesture helped to relax you a bit.
“Did she say anything else?” Your fingernails softly scratched into Carmy’s scalp, the two of you trying to touch each other as much as you possibly could.
Carmy’s chuckle drew your attention, “She uh, asked me to come home.”
Your nails stopped for a minute before you started up again, heart jumping a little in your chest at the idea of Carmy coming back to Chicago, “Are you…going to go home?” The hope in your voice borders on desperation.
Carmy was silent for a moment, hands moving to lift your shirt just underneath your breast before he placed his warm cheek back in its previous position. The news skin-on-skin contact sends chills through both of you. 
“Everything with Mikey kinda made me think about us.” Carmy’s thumb came up, to caress against your rib, dangerously close to your breast. “It just kind of puts into perspective that the people you care about can be here one day…and gone the next.”
The avoidance of your original question was not lost on you, but Carmy opening up may have been better than whatever argument the initial qualm might impose. 
“Baby I-,” you looked at Carmy as he adjusted his position one hand resting against your sternum, his chin plopping onto it. “I um.” He stopped, you followed his movements watching as his eyes closed and he took a deep breath.
“For a while, I’ve known that I feel something for you, but I-I don’t think I can give you what you want.” Your hand slipped from his hair to cup his cheek, hanging on to every word leaving his lips.
Carmy leaned into the palm of your hand, letting himself melt into your touch, cherishing the few moments he had left with you. “And I can’t promise any commitment after today.” The rapid beating of Carmy’s chest could be felt on your stomach, the crack in his voice raising a small smile to your lips. 
You sat up in bed. Carmy looked up at you as you held his chin in your hand, thumb softly tracing his lips as you committed his features to memory. The tiny scars marring his face, the few beauty marks dotted around, connecting them would create a new constellation you swore you’d remember forever. 
Carmy was honest with you, and that’s all you asked of him. Neither of you could promise each other a happy ending after you parted ways and while that hurt, it didn’t make sense to ruin the remaining time the two of you had left dwelling on the future.
“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.” 
Carmy’s lips pressed into your thumb before he gently cupped your neck and reached up so your lips connected. This was only the third kiss the two of you shared, but the intangible love and intimacy that could be felt through the single press of your lips would never dwindle, not for as long as the two of you surrounded yourself with each other.
He raised to his knees both hands entrapping your face, all his passion being poured into this one kiss. Carmy was slightly above you now, the angle forcing you to raise your head to stay connected. His thumb began unconsciously caressing the ‘B’ behind your left ear, a small part of you that had stuck with him ever since he discovered it five years ago.
The kiss intensified as you slipped your tongue between his lips, hands gripping onto his hips as he towered above you in this position. Your tongue moved languidly inside his mouth, small noises escaping the both of you.
Carmy pulled the hair at the nape of your neck, the motion removing your lips from his. “Did you mean what you said?” His breath left him in a huff.
“What?” You were slightly out of breath yourself, confused at what the hell Carmy was on about. 
“What you said about this,” his thumb swiped back and forth against the ‘B’ inked into your skin. “Would you take my last name?” 
You bit your lip, eyes lidded as you searched Carmy’s face, hand moving to grip his soft chin between your forefinger and thumb raising onto your knees so the two of you were eye level.
“Would you like that Carmen? If I let you give me your last name?” A patronizing smile graced your lips, the air between you charged. 
Carmy surged forward hungry for a taste of you, his hands gripped your hair to tug on it a strangled gasp leaving you. The strength with which Carmy took your lips into his forcing your back into the mattress beneath you two, his body hovering over yours. 
Your hand left its place on his chin sliding down to his shoulders caressing the little skin his tank top allowed you to feel. Hands traveling across his chest, the feeling of his toned body under your palms making you needy. You finally made it to the hem of his shirt tugging it up to give you access to the warm skin of his torso.
Carmy parted from you, snatching the shirt over his head before diving back in. Lips leading him to his favorite feature of yours. Your hands wrapped around his shoulders pulling him flush against you, Carmy’s lips ravished your neck as he nipped from your jawline down to your pulse point, teeth sinking in a bit harder.
“Fuck Carmy.” The delicious feeling of Carmen's body against yours, his lips exploring you, hands gripping the skin of your revealed waist. All of it led to the thrust of your hips up into his, it was selfish but you needed him, not that you would force him but whatever he would give you would have to be enough.
Carmy’s sharp intake of breath drew your attention as his hips relentlessly ground into you, hand wandering up your shirt to cup your breast thumb accidentally tracing your nipple. 
Your loud gasp alarmed him. He quickly parted from you saliva connected your lips together as you both took in each other’s disheveled appearances.
“Did I-did I do something wrong?” Sweet Carmy worried that he had ruined the moment. 
You sat up rapidly shaking your head as you stared into his eyes, the both of you breathing heavily, “No, no it was great I promise.”
Carmy nodded gently tracing your jawline as he looked at you, “Baby…I want this moment with you.” The mumble made your heart race, this was a big deal it would change whatever this relationship between the two of you was. 
“Carmy…we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.” You searched his eyes hoping he didn’t feel pressured by the noises you were making.
“Have you…done this before?” Carmy forced himself to keep looking at you regardless of the blush he could feel painting his cheeks.
The small nod you gave relieved him a bit, “Does that bother you?” You didn’t think Camry would mind but you knew the male species could be unpredictable. 
“God no, I just don’t wanna disappoint you.” He finally looked away from you embarrassed to have admitted something so personal. 
“You won’t.” You sent him a small smile before guiding his hands to the hem of your shirt helping him to pull it over your head. Watching his beautiful face take in everything you had to offer him. 
His throat bobbed as he took in a large gulp, you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, proving you’d have to take the reins on this one, not that you minded. The thought of telling Carmy how to pleasure you warmed you up even more. 
Your finger reached out to lift Carmy’s chin, directing his eyes to yours, “What do you want to do to me, Carmen?” 
You watched as he blinked eyes tracing your figure, “I just wanna appreciate you, Baby.” The words left his lips in a whisper.
You were taken aback never having heard that before while being intimate. His hands slowly settled on your waist, the safest option “How should I…do that.”
You smiled moving one of his hands to cup your breast, shuddering at the skin-to-skin contact, “We can start with kissing, then I want you to do whatever feels right okay?”
Carmy nodded, giving your breast a slight squeeze a whimper drawing out of you, taking account of your reaction he gently began rubbing his thumb across your pebbled nipple watching your body writhe at the small action. 
He leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss into your forehead, lips moving to your left cheek then your right. A small kiss pressed into each of your closed eyelids and the tip of your nose. Each corner of your lips got its turn before his lips found the space between your nose and upper lip. One more kiss pressed into your chin before finally ending with a sweet kiss to your lips, cherishing every inch of your face he had kissed.
Carmy made his way to your jawline, starting at the right side and tracing to your left, nipping every so often as he continued his journey. Lips slowly tracing from your jawline to your neck, he wasn’t sure what it was but seeing your neck on display for him made him feral, his hips grinding into your as he decorated your neck in love bites. 
“Lay down f’me.” You eagerly listened watching as Carmy planted another soft kiss into your lips before following the map of your collarbones. Lips pressing into your upper chest as both hands came up to softly knead your breast. 
You could feel Carmy’s hard-on pressing against you, as much as you were enjoying this, all you wanted in the world was to finally please Carmy. You slipped your hand between your bodies sliding into the waistband of his boxers, hand gripping him as a strangled moan parted his lips. The soft caress of your hand against him caused his head to spin, this felt different from the times he would stroke himself thinking about you.
“Does this feel good, Carmy?” Your voice was a little deeper, more sensual as you questioned him. “Do you wish it was me making you cum on those lonely nights, hmm?
“Fuck…yes.” The whine of his voice went straight to your core, spurring you on more. 
Your strokes became a little firmer, applying more pressure to provide him more pleasure. His length twitched against your palm the more you rubbed. Carmy had lost all sense of his own ministrations grinding into your hand while still on top of you, he could feel himself close to ecstasy the feel of your warm body underneath him making him lose all control.
“Ba-Baby stop.” You froze immediately forcing your hormones under wrap, Carmy’s comfortability your priority. 
“Are you okay Carm?” The worry in your voice was obvious as you removed your hand from its grip on him. 
“Ye-yeah, I just want to please you right now.” Carmy’s hand moved to grip your rib cage thumb running back and forth against your under boob, “Can I continue showing my appreciation.” The slight desperation in his voice caused you to rapidly nod your head. 
Carmy gave you a small shy smile, moving to kiss the spot he had been tracing during this time. His lips painted across your whole torso, paying extra attention to your stomach, ideas he wasn’t ready to give merit to racing through his mind as he did so.
Finally, he paused at your hips, the solid cotton panties you wore obscured his path, nose caressing the front of your panties as he took in a deep breath allowing your aroma to invade his senses. “Are you going to take off my panties, Carmy?” The condescending tone in your voice went straight to his throbbing cock.
He nodded, wasting no time in peeling the fabric from its home around your hips, ready to replace it with his bare hands. Carmy raised to his haunches, unconsciously licking his lips at the sight of your naked body sprawled so prettily across his bed. All of you on show just for him.
Carmy returned to his previous task lips pressing wet delicate kisses into each of your hips bones, a lingering one placed at the base of your pelvis before turning his attention to your thighs. Lips trailing down your leg special attention paid to the crook of your knees and ankles. 
Carmy’s eyes found yours as he placed the last kiss on your right ankle, both of your pupils blown from the sequence of events that had just taken place. 
You beckoned Carmy forward urging him to find you once again. As he drew closer you grabbed one of his hands placing it on your right breast before moving it down so it caressed the rest of your torso, and down your pelvis finally stopping before the place you needed his touch most.
This was your way of giving him an out, the two of you could stop right here if he wanted to, the slight nod of his head told you otherwise. 
Your grip on his hand changed as you grabbed his forefinger and middle finger, your free hand parting your lower lips as you traced his fingers through your slick, a filthy moan escaping into the bedroom as Carmy’s calloused fingers finally stroked you.
“Do you feel that Carmy?” He nodded his head, eyes not leaving yours for a minute. “It's all for you, you made me feel this good.” 
You moved his fingers lower watching his face as you glided his two fingers into you, biting your lower lip at the hunger in you that was finally being tended to.
Carmy’s mouth fell open as he watched the ecstasy wash over your face, lost in the feeling of touching you in the most intimate way he had ever touched anyone before. His head dropped, eyes watching as you slowly swallowed his fingers, in and out the movement making him achingly hard. 
Carmy’s lips dropped to your ear a shy whisper caressing your ear, “I want to be inside you.” The vulnerability in Carmy’s voice caused you to bite your lip, satisfied that he was finally speaking up about what he wanted. 
“You are.” You teased him, clenching around his digits as his eyes drank you in.
You let out a whine as he removed his fingers from your grip, hand pressing your hip into the bed as he stared you down. “Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.  
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” You watched as he slipped out of his boxers, stroking himself as you watched and waited for your instructions. You motioned for him to lay atop you more noses brushing as he got into position, “I’ll guide you, but I need you to go slow okay, it’ll be a tight fit.” 
Carmy nodded his head, neither of you daring to ask about any contraception too lost in the thoughts of finally connecting in ways the two of you had only dreamed of.
You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later.
A smile split your lips before you surged up to capture Carmy’s lips, needing to distract yourself.
You guided him to your entrance only allowing the tip to go in to not overwhelm Carmy. Your mouth fell open in the shape of an ‘o’ as Carmy eagerly thrust into you, your hand raised to his shoulder to stop his movements.
“Carm, slowly, please.” His eyes met yours taking in the slight pain that his intrusion had caused, he nodded hand raising to cup your cheek.
“You look so beautiful like this.” A tender moment was shared between the two of you as you urged Carmy to continue his journey, shuddered moans escaping the both of you as he reached the hilt.
The feeling of finally being full with Carmy made you emotional, both of you just taking a moment to gaze at each other. Appreciating the finality of this all, Carmy leaned down to kiss a tear running down your cheek that escaped, his own eyes welling up, neither of you could find the right words to cement how much this moment meant to the two of you.
Carmy pulsed inside you the movement caused you to clench around him, “You did so good for me Carmy.” The praise went straight to his cock, eyes rolling back at how good a few words made him feel. 
“Can you move for me, Carm, it’ll make us both feel good.” The soft thrust of his hips was enough for you. 
He continued the slow motion of his hips, eyes connected with yours as the ghost of those three words he struggled to say filtered between the two of you. Your hand raised to wipe the single tear sliding down his cheek.
Nothing in the world could take this moment from the two of you. If Aphrodite could tell the story of your love she would describe it as a tangible heartbreaking thing always growing, and most times fleeting. Something both you and Carmy could touch, feel, and breathe. The love filtering between the two of you was clear as day to anyone who had a heart. 
The warm muscular hand pressed into the flesh of your hip bone driving you crazy. The fingers pressed into you harder and harder with each accompanying thrust. One hand pressed into the pillow by your head keeping the body atop of you from crushing you under its weight. You appreciated the cautionary position, but you had longed for this connection for what felt like ages and you would gladly welcome the weight of the perspiring chest burying you further into the mattress.
A golden gleam caught your eye taking you away from how the tattooed knuckles flexed against your hip every few seconds. You looked to see his golden chain dangling back and forth above your face, taunting you. The sway of the metal matched the rocking motion of his hips, the synchronicity of the two things driving you absolutely wild. Eyes concentrated on the gold chain it was almost like a switch was flipped in you and the catalyst was that fucking gold chain.
Your eyes moved to his face, his pupils blown wide as he stared down at you. You parted your lips his intense gaze causing you to clench down on him unconsciously, his eyes rolling back as his hand left its spot on your hip traveling up your torso thumb softly brushing over your nipple as it found its destination cupping your cheek with such intensity you were sure the shape of his thumb would be imprinted onto your jaw.
His eyes found yours once more, his thumb moving a few inches to softly caress your bottom lip. Your mouth opened on instinct to leisurely suck on his digit a hoarse ‘Fuck’ leaving the warm body that was making you feel so good. You released his thumb, feeling it tug at your bottom lip as his hand found its way back to your cheek.
You watched him above you, the ecstasy in his eyes warming your skin, you’d do anything to be able to please him if he always looked at you in that way. The flash of gold from his chain caught your attention again, the angle of his thrust causing you to gasp, a softly whispered moan of “Carmy,” leaving your lips. Carmy’s chain hovered above your open mouth begging to be taken between your teeth, you appeased your desires, your tongue latching onto the chain as you brought it to settle between your teeth. Carmy’s hips fucking into you at a slightly faster pace, your leg wrapping around his waist the heel of your foot pressing into his back to bring the two of you impossibly closer. 
“Fuck-Baby, shit!” Watching Carmy struggle for words had never been as sexy as it was at that moment. Knowing that you were the cause of his incoherent muttering. 
“Please, Carmy,” another gasp ripped through you, your teeth losing hold of Carmy’s signature gold chain. “Mmm yes, Carmen. Just like that.” You settled for whispering in his ear, the new position you had chosen had his head resting against your collarbone, his ear directly next to your mouth. You could feel Carmy’s hand moving from your cheek to clench your jaw between his thumb and remaining fingers. His hand moved your head to reveal your neck the feeling of soft wet kisses making a path to your ear, Carmy’s thrust slowing slightly.
You could feel his breath against your cheek, the soft whine he let out as your cunt clenched around him. His lips pressed against the shell of your ear, “Say that again.” His rough voice traveled through you, the thumping of your clit beating faster and faster.
“Just like that.” You moaned wanting to please him as much as he wanted to please you. 
His fingers dug into your chin, the roughness of his touch causing a high-pitched moan to leave your lips. “Sa-say my name?” The request made your head spin.
“Carm-,” Carmy’s hand returned to its earlier position holding himself above you causing your leg to drop back to the bed.
“N-no,” the strain in his voice was evident as he tilted your head down to stare directly into your eyes. “M-my name sa-say it. Please.” 
You bit your lip his whiny plea going straight to your clit. Your hand reachesdup to match his fingers gripping his chin firmly. Your blown pupils searching his wide doe eyes. It was hard to distinguish where the blue began and the black ended. Your faces were inches apart, you could tell from his breathing that your grip on his chin stirred something inside him. The soft rocking of his hips into yours caused your bottom lips to caress each other in the rhythm he had set.
“Carmen.” The syllables of his name left your mouth in a wanton moan, there was a moment where the thrusting of Carmy’s hips came to a slow stop before he surged forward and messily captured your lips in a kiss full of tongues and moans. Carmy’s hips began rutting into yours, the speed and intensity sending you both into a spiral. Your hand lost its grip on his chin to slither between your bodies matching Carmy’s pace and applying it to your clit. 
The grip on your chin was gone as Carmy’s hand followed the path yours had previously taken sending a soft squeeze to your breast. “Te-teach me how.” God you could’ve cum from that sentence alone. You began rapidly nodding your head before placing your hand atop his own guiding his index and middle finger into generously massaging your clit. 
“Car-Carmen, don’t stop please don’t stop.” Your voice leaves you in a sharp cry.
“Yeah? Is this good?” Your unabashed moan did more to answer Carmy’s question than any words could.
“Carmeee, I’m gonna come, please.” The banging of the headboard against the wall an indication of just how fast Carmy was thrusting into you.
“Whe-where should I-,” You could hear the slight panic in Carmy’s voice, assuming he was on the cusps of an orgasm as well.
“In me Carmy jus- all of it.” His fingers pressed into your clit going at a pace your brain couldn’t keep up with.
The speed of Carmy’s breathing increased. His head finding its way back into the crook of your neck, lips scattering kisses across your neck, “I’ll give it to you all. M’ gonna give you everything.” The sound of Carmen’s voice so quiet you weren’t sure if he had intended anyone else’s ears to hear it.
Whatever Carmen’s intentions his words were the last thing you needed to hear before bliss took over your senses. Your orgasm washed over you in waves, the intensity causing loud moans to escape your lips, clenching Carmy’s cock so hard you were sure it must’ve been painful. 
Riding the high of your orgasm, Carmen’s deep drawn-out groan vibrated into your neck as you felt him give two final rapid thrusts before the dam he had been holding back finally burst inside you. You felt his thrust slow down as he began peppering kisses across your face, “Thank you, thank you.” His voice trailed off into a whisper before his full body weight settled into you.
Now that the bed was no longer threatening to put a hole through his wall, the only sound filling the bedroom was the panting breaths you and Carmy were letting out.
Carmy looked up at you, the wetness on his cheeks matching yours. His forehead leaned against yours the vulnerability the two of you had for each other on full show. Breaths of love were shared between you as your lips gently touched. You knew the words you wanted to say at this moment, felt them so deep in your soul that your tears wouldn’t cease their downpour.
But you also knew how flighty the beautiful man in front of you was, it hurt but you would once again have to swallow your love for this man to ensure he remained in your life.
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You laughed as Carmy hovered atop of you the Polaroid he gifted you in his hands the device raised to his eye. Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing . Carmy nudged your arm, he had been snapping photos of you for a while now, both of you ignoring the fact that he should have been getting ready for work instead of laying with your naked body barely covered under him. 
“Show me that smile, pretty girl,” you slowly moved your arm, the smile splitting your face hard to control. “You seem to like my chain so much, I want to remember what you look like in it.” Carmy could be devilish when he wanted to, the way he would sometimes gain confidence and say what was on his mind, throwing you for a loop.
Your eyes left the camera in his hand as you stared at his face, so enchanted with who Carmy was as a person. Only being jolted out of your trance as the Polaroid fluttered out of the camera and landed on the center of your chest. 
Carmy moved the camera smiling down at you before picking up the photo and examining it, the corner of his lips ticking up in a half smile. He placed the picture on the other pillow where all the other Polaroids were sprawled out. You watched as he set the camera down next to your head cupping your jaw before leaning down and pressing a firm kiss into your forehead a mumbled ‘Perfect’ escaped his lips. 
“Will you take a picture with me Carmy,” your words came out shyly hoping he would agree. You felt his nose nuzzle into your neck planting a small kiss on your tattoo before moving to lay next to you in the bed. 
You reached over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek before grabbing the camera from its spot by your head. You raised it watching as the soft smile graced Carmy’s face, your eyes not wanting to leave the perfect view of his side profile that you had fallen in love with, finger accidentally slipping, the sound of the camera shutter filled the space between you too.
Carmy pulled the photo out waiting for it to develop as he looked in your direction. A wide grin took over his face just by looking at you, your hand began lowering the camera before his hand shot out and raised your hand, and the camera back up quickly pressing your finger into the button to capture this moment in time. 
You let him grab the camera from your hands before he placed it on the nightstand, once again holding your face in place as the two of you shared your softest kiss yet. 
— — — —
You watched as Carmy maneuvered around his room slipping into a clean pair of chef whites, he was late and you could tell he was panicking on the inside but didn’t want to worry you. The two of you had wasted away in the shower washing each other's bodies and holding each other under the hot spray of water. Neither of you wanted to leave the confines of the shower, knowing your time together was finally expiring.
You sat on the bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them, a fresh pair of panties, and his deep green crew neck from last night your only form of clothing. The tension between the two of you had been broken the moment Carmy realized just how behind schedule he was, shoving reality down your throat as the game of pretending the two of you had been playing was finally snuffed out.
Carmy’s eyes landed on you in his rush clocking the glaze of your eyes, head not rationalizing why you might be upset at the moment. Finally gathering all his necessities he rushed over to you kneeling in front of you pressing one last kiss onto your forehead.
“I’ll be home soon, yeah.” You closed your eyes, the words breaking your heart into pieces.
“Yeah, be safe okay?” Carmy smiled, capturing your lips in his for the last time tonight hand cupping the back of your head to hold you in place.
The two of you separated small side smiles mirroring each other, both of you knew that Carmy would return home to an empty apartment tonight, but neither of you would voice that truth. 
You followed him to the front door needing to see him off before your return to Chicago. He opened the door lingering between the door and the hallway hand gripping yours before pressing a soft kiss into the pulse point at your wrist.
You shared small smiles as Carmy made his way to leave, sending you one last wave before he disappeared down the hallway.
Your closed the door, forehead pressing into it as you stood there trying to gain your bearings, doing your best to control your tears as you knew this moment was inevitable.
A soft “I love you, Carmen.” Breathed into the empty apartment soft enough for it to feel like a ghost had whispered those words and not you.
But not quiet enough that the man who returned on the other side of the door missed the declaration. 
Heart thudding in his chest. His hand ready to turn the keys in the doorknob dropped to his side. His feet shuffled backward as he took one last glance at the door before reverting to his journey to work.
He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.
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a/n: idk what to say really…enjoy : ) [actually no this is my first smut so please let’s learn from carmy’s mistakes and don’t come for me 😉] i’m like the only person on the planet who thinks i’m funny that’s how laughable it is 😭
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drbobbimorse · 5 years ago
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“If Sharon Carter is going to be reduced to someone's love interest I'm gonna be salty.”
Stfu and go away please. Female characters can be badass and still find love, and they are allowed to. Being an emotionless, loveless badass is cool and valid, but denying characters emotional attachments and even love to suit your personal vendetta against that character is so boring and trite. Sharon has been a badass and a love interest for her entire comic existence and neither fact negates the other: she’s a badass boss bitch who just happens to be with her soulmate and happy and in love. The fact that y’all can crackship two women who’ve never spoken a word to each other or crackship two straight guys together but rant about this one underutilized character being “reduced” to a love interest is so tired and transparent. Just say you hate Sharon and go away with your faux concern already, we don’t want you here
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cdyssey · 2 years ago
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Yellowjackets 2.09 Reactions:
Oh, boy. Here we go. 😭
CW: Cannibalism
I’m so nervous—I’m gonna be sick.
NOT “ZOMBIE.” OH, GOD GODDAMN.
Travis’s relieved Natalie has broken me, already in anticipation of what’s going to fucking happen next.
THE WILDERNESS CHOSE.
I’m so sick over Travis’s visceral sobs—that’s his baby brother. He just got him back, and now he’s gone. (Kevin did such a good job here. Hhhhhgh.)
Lottie about to go all in on the euthanasia tea, but everyone else immediately protests. It’s Shauna who talks Lottie down from the ledge.
SHAUNALOTTIE HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, BABY!!
Shauna giving the rest of the adults a wink, wink, nudge, nudge over Lottie’s shoulder as Lottie weeps. I feel for Lot so much. She just doesn’t want to be alone in feeling the way that she does. How much of her life has she been alone—the only one burdened by “visions,” sent to Switzerland for years, the teenage girl turned venerated prophetess??
“This is just about us.” It always has been. The six of them together. They were the power shakers in the cabin: the leaders, the butchers, the devoted worshippers, the hunters.
Shaunalottie handhold. <33 My superpower is that I can ship any configuration of the core six if they look at each other longer for two seconds.
“Yeah, except we got over it.” Natalie, ma’am, no, y’all, did not. <3
The makeup team is doing a stellar job in both timelines—the dark lines beneath Adult Tai’s eyes and Lottie’s injury makeup are really great.
Goddamn, poor Lottie.
“You started this. It’s done.” In the wilderness (and in the adult timeline as well), the girls are always looking for ways to foist the shame and responsibility away from themselves. Lottie started it. It chooses. Et cetera., et cetera. But they all became wrapped up in the darkness at some point or another. They all stood there silently as Javi disappeared below the surface of the water.
“Lottie is pleased with the wilderness’s choice.” Misty putting words into Lottie’s mouth. If Lottie is their deity or their priestess or saint or what have you, then Misty is a false prophet, spreading a malicious truth and sending the girls careening towards that gaping maw that they’ve all opened together. She’s the closer.
The sadness in Shauna’s eyes. Javi adored her. They shared quiet moments of kinship together. He carved her a wolf, and she saved that boy once—told him to run and possibly prevented him from dying during Doomscoming. But she was complicit in his death, and now she’s going to fucking dismember and eat him.
Shauna’s shaking hand. The tears slipping down her face. Sophie fucking Nélisse.
The fact that it’s Tai, Shauna, Nat, and Van who are at the butchering. This is Javi’s funeral.
GOD, SHAUNA COVERING HER EYES SO SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO FACE HIM. I’M UNWELL, UNWELL, UNWELL.
Van to Tai: “Or if she is [sick], then so are you.” It’s a deep cut for Tai who has spent most of her adult life trying to hold on to her hinges and create a perfect facade of a normal life.
What’s Van trying to get Tai to do? 😭
THE SPLIT WALL BETWEEN NAT AND SHAUNA IN THE KITCHEN IS SUCH A GOOD DIRECTION. AND THIS NEEDLE DROP.
“Do you Google yourself a lot?” AKQKWKJDJDNS. Callie Sadecki, I love u.
Callie’s gonna get that gun by the end of the episode.
Jeff really thought he was sending Shauna to a spa WNWKWOWKDS.
The cops. 😭 Kevyn, I like you, but Matt can go fuck off.
Nat trying to protect Lisa. God, God, God.
“I appreciate you trying to teach me… forgiveness. It’s a nice idea.” JESUS.
IF NATALIE SCATORCCIO DIES, I S2FG
Ben’s momentary joy at seeing Shauna at the butcher’s table again, thinking someone bagged an animal.
THE LINGERING SHOT ON THE JAVI REMAINS JFC
Ben’s ready to get Nat and nope the actual fuck out.
“You’re not like the rest of these girls.” / “Actually, I’m worse.” […] “I let him die in my place.” God, it’s the way that Nat does have it in her to accept responsibility, how she shoulders it the most unflinchingly of the entire cabin.
“You’re a good person, Coach. You really don’t belong in this place.” Sick. It’s an echo of Travis telling Nat something similar last week.
Oh, this Travis-Van conversation is brutal. Van, the consummate survivor, is just happy to fucking be alive and she won’t feel shame for that.
We’re seeing a lot of manipulations in the cabin so far. Misty twisting Lottie’s words, and now Van rhetorically giving purpose of Javi’s death. Interesting roles for these two especially because they’ve been the “worshippers” and “followers” for the most part. But as we’re learning, that role doesn’t go without influence.
WALTER SINGING “SEND IN THE CLOWNS,” ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONDHEIM SONGS?!?!?! Elijah has a very good voice!!
Kevyn Tan is so hot. It’s sad that he’s a cop. :(
Hot cocoa… the drink Jackie drank in her death dream…………
I objectively know that Shauna changed her name to Sadecki, but it doesn’t feel real to me. She’s Shauna Shipman forever.
Jeff should have changed his name. <3
“You’re being awfully judgy about Mom considering this all started thanks to your lame attempt at blackmail.” FVFXCVGC. She’s such a mommy’s girl. <33
“The American family is crumbling, Callie.” WKWMSNSNWKWJSN.
Oh, God. I’m fucking terrified about Callie wandering around on the compound. If anything happens to her, I’ll be ill.
Jeff trying to take the fall for Shauna. “I did it to protect her.” God, I fucking love him.
WHAT THE FUCK KEVYN
GODDAMMIT
WALTER
I’M UPSET. THIS IS THE WRONG FUCKING COP
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MATT
Walter: “Hiya, me again.” Jeff-Walter meet cute over a dead body. <3
“Jeffrey! Does anyone call you that?” / “Yeah, my mom. No, she… she doesn’t.” HAJDNSSJ.
I am really upset about Kevyn, though. Alex Wyndham did such a good job of imbuing him with a lot of emotional complexity for a fairly slight role.
Ben being unable to start a fire recalls Jackie in the last season finale!!
THE HEART?!?!!))2)$3&2&28182&3;$3
GIVING TRAVIS THE HEA R T
OH GOD HE HAS TO CONSUME HIS BROTHER’S FUCKING HEART??????????
THE LITTLE WOLF STATUE. GDI
FUCKING RAW
SICK SICK SICK
APPARENTLY, SIBLINGHOOD IS EATING YOUR KID BROTHER’S HEART RAW. I—
How does this boy go back to his mother and look her in the eye, knowing that he ate his brother? Goddamn
This needle drop as adult Lottie prepares for the hunt is stellar.
🎶 “God is afoot. God never died.”
NOT TAI AND VAN CANCELLING THE CRISIS TEAM. GIRLIES, ALL OF YOU ARE IN A CRISIS.
I’m utterly terrified.
The women standing around a fire preparing for another hunt… God, last night, they were dancing around a fire, reveling at the snow. And there’s so much tension now about who is playing pretend and who is actually gearing up for a slaughter.
LOTTIE BRINGING A REAL ASS KNIFE.
CALLIE’S GOT THE GUN.
Fucking Matt the fucking cop.
The women’s haunted reactions to the queen card. They all remember what actions—what horrors—they committed by its name.
“I’d like to shuffle those some more.” The tremor in Shauna’s voice. Even if she thinks it’s fake, the trauma is absolutely real.
Van’s not trying real hard to deescalate this situation, huh?
I’m gonna need parallel GIFs of Van not drawing the queen and Tai’s reaction from both timelines. 😭 So, so good. The difference between them. Relief vs. Realization
“Is this what you wanted to happen?” Tai gets it, horrified. Van has always been a true believer.
“Because you know what happens if you do.” OH, GOD, IF THE GIRLS DIDN’T DRAW, WERE THEY AUTOMATICALLY CHOSEN?!?)$2!:$$:$2&3
MY HEART IS IN MY THROAT
OH, GOD. THEY’RE GONNA KEEP GOING AROUND THE CIRCLE UNTIL SOMEONE IS CHOSEN. SICK SICK SICK
THE FLASHES TO THEIR TEEN SELVES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
NOT MY SHAUNA. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
AND SHE WAS THE LAST SHUFFLER TOO. OH GODD
THE MASKS. OH GOD. AND IS DARK TAI HERE.
YEAH, THAT’S GOTTA BE HER
JESUS
THE WOMEN HAVE ALL REVERTED TO THEIR PRIMAL SELVESS AAAAAA
“YOU CAN SUBMIT OR YOU CAN RUN.”
OH GOD. WAS THERE SOMEONE WHO JUST FUCKING SUBMITTED?????
“So you’ve all actually lost your minds.” THEY HAVE. JESUS.
“You know there’s no ‘it,’ right? It was just us!” / “Is there a difference?” WEEPING. VOMITING. GNASHING MY TEETH. NO, THERE’S NO DIFFERENCE.
“Oh, fuck off.” BABY GIRL, I LOVE YOU.
GOD, how is Shauna the most sane of them all right now?!
Lol, the close-up of the Adam case is so… clunky AKDKWJDNS. Lmfao.
And God, I really hate that the Adam/Jessica murders are going to be pinned on Kevyn. He was a decent dude. He was a good dad. He was soft on the Yellowjackets. He deeply cared for Nat. And now he’s collateral damage in the trauma spiral the survivors are on.
CALLIE SAVING SHAUNA. HELL FUCKING YEAH.
“Callie!” The ungodly terror and disbelief in Shauna’s voice.
“She’s so powerful.” The awe and reverence in Lottie’s voice. Callie’s got the wilderness in her too.
And we’re also indirectly reminded of teen Lottie’s obsession with the wilderness baby here.
Shauna pleading with Callie to put the gun down. Oh, God. Oh, GOD. Mere episodes ago, she could barely put the gun down herself.
“But she was going to kill you.” I’m so fucking unwell about traumatized mothers and their traumatized daughters.
Shauna’s feeling of betrayal at Tai especially—both of them have severely fucked up each other’s trust lately, and that scars them deeply.
“It was Van’s idea.” YEAH, TAISSA TURNER, BUT YOU WENT ALONG WITH IT!!!!!!!! ANWKDKWKDJ
“She’s like this because of us.” HHHHHHFHGFDG. THEY MADE THAT TEENAGE GIRL THEIR SAINT.
The girls hugging Lottie. 😭 Mari being so happy that she’s okay.
Van being the storyteller, oh, God. And she’s clearly recounted the plots of old movies to them before. That’s so precious.
Lottie: “I never wanted to be in charge. It chose me, I think… because I was the only one who knew how to listen.” Heartbreaking. I love the emphasis on hearing/listening here. It’s the sensory element that the wilderness seems to be most associated with along with sight (or the lack of it). “We hear the wilderness, and it hears us.”
NATALIE LEADER. NAT ANTLER QUEEN?!
Misty and Van on either side of adult Lottie, bandaging her wound, holding her—her most devoted followers.
“You were always its favorite.” And Nat just coming undone.
AUGHHHHHHH!! LISA?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BACK INSIDE. THE WOMEN ARE BEING INSANE
“We tried to kill you. And it wouldn’t let us.” God, what a line. The fact that Lottie implicates herself in it, even though she literally had nothing to do with the actual hunt. She’s accepting responsibility and blame for it anyway. She’s taken Misty’s words to heart.
LOTTIENAT HAND KISS. GAYS WE’RE WINNING
Akilah’s little curtsey was so cute.
MISTY MAKING NAT LAUGH. OH GOD GAYS WE’RE WINNING.
here’s how mistylottienat can win
VAN NUZZLING HER FACE AGAINST NAT’S HAND. HERE’S HOW MISTYLOTTIENATVANTAISHAUNA CAN—
Oh, God. Travis placing her hand against his heart. I’m so fucking sick.
That tortured Shaunanat head bow!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK yeah
Sophie Thatcher’s smile. My fucking God
MISTY ON GOD
MISTY ON GOD
WHAT THE FUC K
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
FUCK OFF SHOW NO
OH GOD NAT
NOT HER
NOT NATALIE’S DEATH REALM BEING A GODDAMN PLANE
MISTY’S UTTER GODDAMN HORROR
THEY’RE ALL SO DEVASTATED
WHAT THE FUCK SHOW
GODDAMMIT YELLOWJACKETS
JAVI JAVI JAVI
OH GOD, THE BOY SHE CONDEMNED AND HE’S COMFORTING HER
“I’m not supposed to be here.” SOBBING. SHE JUST FOUND HER GODDAMN WILL TO LIVE. SHE WAS GONNA GET SOBER. WHAT THE FUCK
SHE DIDN’T WANT TO DIE
“THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE WE BELONG.” OH GOD. A REVERSAL OF WHAT SHE TOLD BEN EARLIER IN THE EPISODE
“WE’VE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS.”
NAT SOBBING. I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS.
TEEN LOTTIE????????????????????? PLACING A HAND ON HER HEART
“It’s not evil. Just hungry. Like us.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Misty fucking sobbing is ending me. Christina Ricci.
“I’m so sorry. Oh, God.” I’m not well.
NO. NOT THEM CHALKING UP HER DEATH AS A GODDAMN OVERDOSE. THAT IS SO CRUEL.
FUCK.
I’M SO FUCKED UP
GOD LOTTIE IS JUST.
SHE TRIED SO HARD TO SAVE NAT
“Walter, I killed my best friend.” I can’t fucking do this. Oh, God. Misty tried so goddamn hard to keep her alive too.
“It’s going to be okay.” / “Natalie’s dead.” No, it won’t be okay. That was their teammate, their leader, their goddamn friend. They loved her. They hunted her. They loved her. They killed her.
Vantai promising to visit Lottie. That’s kind of the girlflops, but God, Van’s plan to keep Lottie out of an institution failed anyway. And now Nat is dead.
“We have it what it wanted. It is pleased with us.” And she looks at Van: “You’ll see.” Jesus fucking Christ.
THE CLOSE UP ON CALLIE. THE LITTLE GRIN FLIRTING AT HER MOUTH THAT SHAUNA FUCKING SEES. AND IT’S DEVASTATING TO HER. She now knows that her daughter has it in her too.
Shauna rage-jealousy journaling AMSMSNMSD. She’s so petty. <3
BEN SET THE GODDAMN FUCKING CABIN ON FIRE?!!???$))))2&2@1@&2&2!3!3$3
SO UPSETTING
GOD, JUST. He condemned them because he thinks that they’re monsters, but what the hell has he become himself?
THIS SHOW
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natthemess · 6 years ago
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People actively reaching out to me for once, telling me to take care of myself and that they're worried and asking if I'm okay really should be a wake up call huh?
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