#jez rambles

[jamietarttsdanglyearring]

So you know how we have all agreed that there will be an airport scene next scene, and discussions on who’s going to chase Ted at the airport? Here’s my pitch. Everyone. The Richmond boys, Rebecca, Roy, Keeley, Nate, heck let’s get Nate to drag his parents and Jade into this, Trent, Beard and he brings Jane too. Will and his mom, Higgins and his wife and kids, Phoebe and Roy’s sister, Mae and the pub trio. Maybe some of the team drag their families too. Even all the other journalists who do the press conferences, that dude who always calls Ted a wanker, Dr Sharon, the staff of Ola’s, Rebecca’s mum, Barbara somehow gets involved. I could go on, but I think I’m out of character ideas. Wait, throw in Mae’s niece Claire in.

I just think that be cute and funny.

[jamietarttsdanglyearring]

i am partial to "swimming with the fishes" myself

i know that "unalive" is part of larger worrying trend of self censorship but if you really are in a situtation where you have to avoid the words "die" or "kill" the english language already has centuries worth of much better euphemisms. the iconic and perennial "six feet under"? the lovely imagery of "pushing up daisies"? "shuffle off this mortal coil"????? literally anything from the monty python dead parrot bit???? you have so many options. please try to be more creative at least

[dracoj]

nothing more romantic than buying your loser boy bestfriend a course of intensive therapy as a moving out gift

[saranootnoot]

Poke

STOP TOUCHING MEEEEEEEEEE

[effrvsnt107]

Why are Mark and Jez so codependently homosexual

[fcb-mv33]

Wdym the only Max feature on Sky Sports for his home Grand Prix is about his fucking father??

[chronicowboy]

we rescued a surfboard rubber duck from the canal

[baiika]

ღ [ For fun ]

Romantic attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Sexual attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Aesthetic attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Sensual attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Romantic attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Sexual attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Aesthetic attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

Sensual attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme

[jamietarttsdanglyearring]

Howard would kill on A03

Is anyone else dying to know more about the papa smurf x skeletor slashfic?

[mortifying-macaroni]

WOW! You must need a chiropractor from the way you've been carrying the VTM:B fandom. We stan a femme Atlas 🥰😍

FEMME ATLAS!!! I AM CHOKING ON MY COKE AND VAPE! You are a darling and I stan you right back, BUT I don't deserve that much credit. I really, really don't. It just so happens that I have a bit more time on my hands at the moment now that I'm back in my hometown. Anyways, I don't want to make this about myself entirely, so I'd rather take this opportunity to turn the spotlight onto some of my artist mutuals who deserve attention.

@its-sixxers I admit, before I became (somewhat) chronically active in my posting game, I was just a shy lurker of hers and, then and now I can honestly say that she's the true backbone of the Tumblr vtmb community imo, without a shadow of a doubt and for good reason. I can only dream of at least being close to reaching her level of composition which has me gasping, vibrating and pleasantly convulsing (I struggle with arrangements so bad it's not even funny). Adore the style, the seamless lighting and the complementing choice of color. Like, I still can't believe we're mutuals. I am staked to the ground in disbelief.

@arc-tu-rus Recently became mutuals with them and oh maw gaaaawwwd! There's something very nostalgic about their style and it's so comforting for the eyes. I can't find it in me to properly explain, but damn something about it is very gothic European-reminiscent and the Slav in me was beautifully shook. Definitely looking forward to appreciating more of their lovely work.

@aztarion Ok. I know she's more of a werewolf the apocalypse and vtm night road girlie, BUT it would be a crime against humanity if I did not include Jez because she's been a tremendous support to me and I can't thank her enough. Not only that, but oh brother, just the way her portraits slay the everloving soul out of me and I'm suddenly turned to a rambling mad junkie begging for more eye ecstasy (no, like fr MORE plz if you're reading). I need to steal her rendering secrets as if it's the Krabby patty recipe.

Go follow and reblog from these astounding artists right now if you haven't and just look at how amazing they are! They're all unique/distinct in their own ways, yet the talent is equal!

[jamietarttsdanglyearring]

2023 really is the year of me realising Jamie Tartt gives me gender envy hey

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hiiii

Could you write some birthday fluff with old nihil? I need simp material 😭

Hiii! You didn't specify if you wanted headcanons or a fic, so I included both. I love your url, btw - Jez

Papa Nihil birthday fluff

Nihil is a man who hit above a hundred years old. In his case, every birthday he hits is expected to be a celebration of him living this long. And as much as he likes attention, people politely saying "we're happy you're not dead yet" just doesn't feel the same way as genuine birthday wishes. Honestly, at this point, he kinda stopped liking his birthday.

Yours, however? Yours is completely different. He loves your birthday.

Even at his age, he's still got flare. He will throw you a really great party at the Ministry. Anything you like will be there. And a shit ton of gifts, too. Anything to see your eyes sparkle this one, certain way that shows your excitement.

However, should you not like big parties, he's prepared for that, too. He plans the day to be packed with fun. It might still end up a bit overwhelming (both for you and him, considering his age) but at least he's trying.

As soon as he found out when your birthday was, Papa Nihil reserved it as a day off, even if it was months away. He wrote it in his calendar and had someone remind him, seeing as his memory could fail him sometimes.

Fortunately, this time, he rememberes. Not only did he remember, he was counting the days! He planned everything, or at least as much as he could. A nice breakfast (made by a Sibling of Sin because Papa Nihil is not allowed in the kitchen after almost burning down the Ministry by accident), going out for a nice walk and getting a personal saxophone concert from him. Just... Be mindful he would need long breaks with his oxygen machine between the songs. His lungs aren't what they used to be.

Also, you know that one restaurant you like? He rented the place. The entire place. Just so you could enjoy yourself. He's paying for everything, eat all you want.

After you're done at the restaurant, he takes you whenever you want. Opera, theatre, cinema, you name it. Just don't expect him to pay attention to the movie or play. He will spend the entire time watching you like the love-struck fool he is. He will let you ramble on for as long as you please and it doesn't matter if you're talking about quantum physics or what the ancient people ate for breakfast, he will listen. Just don't ask questions about it later. For your sake, not his. He doesn't want you to get upset because he didn't remember anything you said (it's actually pretty convenient for him to use his age as an excuse in this case). He doesn't want you upset in general, he thinks you look so sweet whe you smile, you should always be smiling!

"Come on, don't be sad, I'll buy you ice cream, let's go." he held your hand in his and if age would allow it, he'd drag you to the nearest ice cream parlor. Get whatever you want. Make him spend as much as possible to atone for his crime (being too much of a simp to hold a conversation).

If you get ice cream on your face, he's gonna grin like an idiot. He will not do anything about it, you look too cute. Consider carrying around a small mirror, just in case.

"Are you cheered up now? Good, good, now let's head back." He took your hand again, taking you to the limo that just arrived to take you two back to the Ministry.

Once you two reach your destination, Nihil excuses himself, telling you to meet him later. He'll send out a Ghoul for you, wanting to make the surprise even more grand.

It was already dark outside when you saw him again. The Ghoul took you to the room where the band practiced before rituals. He wasn't dressed like he always was. He wasn't wearing the Papal robes. What he wore instead was an outfit you've only seen on the old videos of his performances. His make-up was reapplied, looking much more like it did back then. Nowadays it was usually slightly smudged.

He even got the Ghouls that performed with him back in the 60s to join him on the stage once more for this oh so special occasion. You giggled quietly as you sat down on the one chair in front of the stage.

Papa Nihil, or rather, considering his current appearance, Papa Emeritus Zero, smiled at you and blew you a kiss with a slight, yet very scenic bow. He would bow deeper, but his back didn't allow it.

"This right here..." he spoke into the microphone with a mischevious glint in his eyes. The eyes you adored so much. "Is a special, one night show for someone incredibly dear to my heart."

He blew you another kiss before he nodded at the Ghouls to start playing. You recognized the song immediately. Mary on a Cross. His greatest hit.

And while his voice might've not been as smooth as it was years ago, but it warmed your heart, slowly bringing you to tears at how sweet his gesture was. How he decided to do this just for you.

Once he was done and bowed again, you stood up and waited patiently for him to get off stage to stand in front of you. You giggled happily, giving him a sweet kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck a he held your waist.

"Thank you, Papa." you smiled, kissing him again. "I believe it I should show you my gratitude for all this."

"Oh? And how do you intend to do that?" he hummed curiously, grinning like an idiot, the lines of black face paint on his lips smudged a bit.

"By going down just like Holy Mary." you whispered into his ear.

You both chuckled at that before leaving the Ghouls to their buiness as you two slowly walked to his bedroom, about to have a very busy night.

[gasmeros]

Regarding the ask game what’s the S1 solstice to boat au about???

hi foamyyyy! i talked about it a bit in this post

it's basically a winter solstice au where. it's like. im ficjign struggling how do i explain this quickly. fucjing. fuck it, my snippet is half the fic notes, i dont have much of any proper writing to share for this one anyway

content warnings include mindless rambling, zhao, and threats of violence/execution

s1 winter solstice episode au, very much adjacent to that tumblr post (linked) about zuko getting locked up with sokka and katara and them figuring out about Zuko's fucked up family life.

similar but we bypass the actual verbal conversation by having zhao do taunting stuff cuz he be like that. he says stuff like episode 3 about ozai not wanting zuko back, about him failing his 2ish year long search, about how when they drag him back home, there might even be a public execution for his crimes, wouldn't that be nice? nothing but the best for the prince. and maybe zhao will even get to watch. ("he wouldn't." "can you really be certain, my prince? after what he did to your face? and just for mouthing off, too. how would he punish a real crime?")

then zuko showing how desperate he is to not get dragged back to the fire nation by doing some fucked up dangerus type of fighting back. like, wiggling, screaming, biting, full on child in a grocery store who has learned how to glue themselves to the floor type of reaction to being arrested, except this child has fire and no limits. good chance for that idea where zuko superheats a metal gag and bites through it, burning himself in the process. would be neat to have zuko spit a shard of almost molten metal at zhao cuz fuck him. maybe keep the whole scene chained to the pillar instead in some other room like these fics usually go?

so water siblings realize that something is most definitely Up based on zhao's words and Zuko's reactions, and when roku starts to tear the temple apart, they hit a wall where they realize that zuko's been trapped by the lava flow like them, and while they have appa to hop onto, he doesn't have an escape. so cue these kids being Kind and promptly yanking him along cuz the alternative is zuko burning alive

so we get Bison Time, wherein zuko's still not a fan of anything that's happening, but compared to how he was acting with zhao, he's downright pleasant. which is not to say that he's actually pleasant, he is very much being an angry brat who's like one second away from trying to fight them while still on the bison. the siblings have a lot of questions, because what zhao said about banishment and two years searching and public executions was fucking wack and they need to know why he said that, why zuko fought so hard that he thought burning his mouth as bad as he did was an acceptable trade off. they know why, but they need to hear it.

zuko does not let them hear it. he yells and doesn't answer any questions and demands they put him down or else. bits about the mouth burns obviously bothering him, just cuz im me and im predictable

they end up going to drop him off at his ship cuz his crew wont attack without a command, and zuko's not so dumb to make them attack the bison he's on. they end up making him swear to not do anything until after they fly away

potential bit where they fly over to Zuko's ship, still in fire nation waters, and find its got a zhao shadow. so zuko, while not at all wanting to actually say it out loud, does not want to go back to his ship until the shadow leaves or they're out of fire nation waters, cuz he will absolutely be arrested. cue more gaang being concerned about the arresting thing, and zuko basically pulling his own teeth to ask if he can wait on the bison until it's safe.

Eventually theyre able to land on zuko's ship without risk of zuko being arrested. zuko keeps his word and doesn't let anyone attack until after they leave, and THEN. aang is a smartass and takes advantage of that by just. not flying away :) so zuko can't do anything, cuz then he'd break his word!! that's pretty fuckin dishonorable!! zuko would like to murder aang.

(really aang needs a moment to talk with the siblings because if what he gleaned from the conversation is true, he can't in good conscience just leave zuko to his fool's errand for an abusive father. they need more information, and they have to do something, cuz this is not ok. the siblings agree, though with much more caution because that's been forced into them by growing up in a war)

cue s1 gaang and zuko tea party

and so the whole fuckin fic takes place on zuko's ship cuz aang is be a pedantic little snot and zuko's autism sense of honor wont let him break a promise

i have maybe 300 words of actual writing for this, and im not sure how i feel about those words. this is like one of the first fics i tried to write for atla, which, like most of my atla fics, has dug itself a very comfy hole to sleep in. i'd love to get anywhere with it, if only i had the motivation

[jezstarzz]

Hello there ♡

₊⊹⁀➴ My name is Jezzie, but please call me Jez! I'm just another person on here shitposting and talking about their life. Sometimes posting pictures if I'm confident enough! Warning for me being an absolute dumbass and insomniac.

₊⊹⁀➴ Pronouns are they/it/she, and i am Neptunic! Not currently looking for any relationships, however. It's complicated.

₊⊹⁀➴ Silvertyping: aaaaasssssaaaaaqqaqqwwwqaaaaawawaaqqaaaaaaaaaq

₊⊹⁀➴ Check out my friends! @costasella

//ooc: Welcome to my pressure oc Jezzie's blog! Please no NSFW interaction, although flirting and the such is tolerated?? Ooc will be in yellow, and in character is white or black, whichever is the regular for you <3 Main blog is @wiishfulthinking, where i post art of her unrelated to this and other stuff. Mod goes by they/them. Also, lore will be revealed in posts, starting from the beggining of their arc to the end.

Tags:

Rambling/talking in character: #Jezposting

Answering asks in character: #Jezansweringg

Pictures in character: #Picsofmeeee

Reblogs in character: #Woagh,,,coolstuff

Mod posts: #Ellisupdates

Thank you for listening! -Ellis //

Also! I found out what blinkies are! Here is some of my collection;

[praeteritus-memories]

"I never understood the necessity of such trivial nonsense." Jezebel remarked. It was 'Valentines Day' and frankly she could do without then adoration of couples and their incessant love-ramblings.

Or perhaps - she simply wasn't sure what to do on such a day. When she's surrounded by such things. Everywhere she turns, there's someone else there gawking at another. It got creepy some of the extremes people went to, to accomplish what they hoped for.

She would find somewhere to lay low. Perhaps the stables where she could avoid it all. Even as night fell, she could hear the quiet whispers of lovers sneaking about. A surprise startle to chase them off, waving her cane with some not-so-nice things to say about their behavior.

She didn't mean it. She just wanted them to go away. [Alucard]

"I knew I would find you here." When Alucard was alive, Valentine's day was a bit different than it was in this day and age. It wasn't some kind of party that noble held as an excuse to drink themselves into a day long coma, but a day where humans just use it as an excuse to do basic human needs and affection.

Still, he was gifted fine wine by the Hellsing organization as part of a silly tradition so why not use that as an excuse to have a moment of relaxation in the night with Jez who he was clearly growing attached to.

"I used to understand it when I was human." Sitting next to her with only the moonlight giving some light at this point, he opens up a little basket of wine glasses and the bottle of wine. "Now, I don't understand the point in it." More like he didn't feel there needed to be a special day. If you cared for someone, do it every day instead of just one special day.

"Care for a drink with me?"

[saranootnoot]

Guys I'm mentally ill for Felix, I would let him sacrifice me/hj