#jewishjoke

[usnatarchives]

Hanukkah speech tips for Pres. Clinton, 1998!

From Israeli gov’t speechwriter to Clinton NSC staffer Blinken, 1998

Middle East Trip - Menorah Lighting 12/98, from Anthony Blinken's Files, ca. 1994-1998, Records of the National Security Council Speechwriting Office (Clinton Admin.), ca.1993 -2001.Clinton Presidential Library. NARA ID 23903818. 

--Sixth in our first-ever 8 days of Hanukkah Tumblr series of surprising Hanukkah-related National Archives records. By Miriam Kleiman, Public Affairs--

Suggested Hanukkah joke, part of guidance from an Israeli gov’t speechwriter to Anthony Blinken, for President Clinton’s December 1998 visit to Israel:

President Clinton visited Israel four times during his two terms, and his 1998 visit overlapped with Hanukkah. Clinton Presidential Library records include this fascinating memo from Israeli gov’t speechwriter Jacob Maor to Clinton NSC staffer Anthony Blinken (12/3/1998).

Maor noted that the tremendous Israeli support for the President (after his “Shalom Haver” eulogy for Rabin) had dropped. Maor assured Blinken that these “anecdotes and humor” will help “recreate the warm loving attitude for your boss” and “will be highly appreciated by the Jewish people.”

SUGGESTED  Hanukkah “Ideas and humor”

For President Clinton’s 1998 Israel trip. From Jacob Maor to Anthony Blinken, 12/3/1998. Emphases added. 

* Make a joke about Hanukkah gelt! Suggestion: “Uncle Sam came to visit you [on] Hanukah, and is bringing you some Hanukah Money.”

* Use traditional Hanukkah greeting - “might have an effect like... ‘Shalom Haver.’ Great impact.”

* Relate the Middle East peace process to Hanukah symbolism!

Hanukkah is 8 days, Wye River Accord negotiations were 8 days!

The Wye Accord, like Hanukkah candles, brightens our world!

The peace process is like a dreidl - when it stops moving, it falls!

President Clinton is like the Shamash candle, the worker, “the servant of the Menorah.”

Israelis may need a broader perspective. Suggested wording: “sometimes it seems to me that you revolve around yourselves” like a  dreidl. 

EXTRA CREDIT!!!

* Note the Hebrew letters on the dreidl and cite David Ben Gurion: “In Israel, in order to be realistic, you have to believe in miracles.

Extra, extra credit: “You’ll surprise them even more, if you’ll note that he passed away exactly 25 years ago last week.”

*** Use the oil/falafel joke (top of post) at tonight’s candle lighting! Hag Hanukkah Sameach!  

FYI - in contrast to the tone of these suggestions, here’s President Clinton’s 1998 Hanukkah greeting:

ICYMI:

1st Night: 1956 patent application for an unusual menorah with cowboys, horses, tassels, and perhaps mistletoe.

2nd Night: 1926 Sefer Sipur Nes Hanukkah from Baghdad.

3rd Night: the White House Hanukkah party invite with a Xmas tree!

4th Night: mention of Hanukkah in the Rosenberg Trial Grand Jury testimony.

5th Night: 1st Pandemic Hanukkah, 1918

[kirjavayava]

There’s a joke to be had here, where if you make it the Passover episode, and he hears “144 eggs” and then says, “well that might get us through the first couple of days if we’re careful...”

Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”

You really have lost control of your life.

[alexminhtran4]

The Jewish Food Taste Test – Toddler Edition Bagels, matzah balls and gefilte fish ... #blogema #bagels #dcjewish #gefiltefish #jewishfood #jewishhumor #jewishjokes #jewishkids #jewishtoddlers #kosherfood #matzoballs

[nechamaelle]

#bucketlist and done! Yes, there’s #grilledchicken in my #macandcheese ! ( and #avocado and #hotsauce ) #koshereats #notcowmilkmacandcheese #notcowmilk @daiyafoods #daiyafoods #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #bucketlistfood #jewjokes #jewmemes #jewmeme #eatstagram #eatingfortheinsta #instaeats #nomnomnom #nodairy #nodairynoproblem #nodairynocry #nodairyneeded #kosherjokes #jewfunny #jewishjoke #jewishjokes #kosherftw #meatandmilk (at New City, New York)

[0oxcfc27qp8qk5gf86zzoasb0wd-blog]

Mark Foster shares his view on the holidays from a jewish perspective

[petsqui]

Hey, pets also make for great comedy #familydog Featuring Gerard Harris @hardspear ・・・ #NewYorkers and #Bulldogs, come laugh, share some slobber and make me a marginally less unhappy man in #AttentionSeeker at @theatrerownyc Dec 6/8/9 Tickets: link in my bio #nyccomedy #nycstandup #nycstorytelling #nyctheatre #nyctheater #nycperformance #newyorkcomedy #newyorktheatre #bulldog #newyorkstory #newyorker #dogsofinsta #petsqui #jewishmother #britishhumour #jewishjokes #britishhumor #jewishhumor #britishcomedy #britishcomedian #storytelling #standup #oneliners #adhd #bulldogsofinstagram

[shtickler]

"For five thousand years we were a wandering people. Then we found cabanas and country clubs." #JewishJokes

— Richard Goldring (@sweatshortz) May 13, 2014

[temple-menorah-redondo-beach]

👉🏽A Passover riddle👈🏽 What does this photo show?

Scroll down for answer.

Wait for it.

The parting of the red “C.” 😉

[losthussein]

The Chrysler building, where Christ was born. #nooffense #jewishjoke #NYC

[shtickler]

It's #rainin Katz n Deli's.#jewishjokes

— Cracka Don® Comedy (@CrackaDon1) January 3, 2015

[shtickler]

Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat. #JewishJokes

— Belgradeoholic (@Beogradoholik) September 16, 2010

[shtickler]

My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about." #jewishjokes

— Ralph Tegtmeier (@fantomaster) February 24, 2011

[shtickler]

#JewishJokes How many Gentiles does it take to screw in a light bulb? Doesn't matter since only one is getting paid for it.

— Kara Alesandra (@KaraAlesandra) May 28, 2011

[shtickler]

My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." #jewishjokes

— Ralph Tegtmeier (@fantomaster) October 17, 2013

[shtickler]

My TA calls Halloween in madison Halloween-kah cause there is 10 days of it. #JewishJokes

— noah (@nyurek40) October 31, 2013

[shtickler]

My favourite quote from the Jewish Cardinal-"You know why a sepharadi was apointed C.Rabbi? 'Cause the bishop is an ashkenazi #JewishJokes

— Yasmin Goldschmidt (@yasminimini1) October 31, 2013