#jesus christ this game is long and complicated

[fellhellion]

i'm still so confused why there are so many people who dislike gwen. this is godot ace attorney all over again lmao

of course this isn't universal but imo a large chunk of the dislike for gwen for the second film specifically come from fans imposing their audience omnipotence (and thus recognition of how things are being tonally presented within the film = assurance that miles is heroic and right for rebelling against canon conformity even with the risk the cast believes it poses to his universe, and he will be able to sucessfully find another solution) upon gwen and just not. placing themselves within the shoes of the character and understanding these are not theoretical stakes to them.

they are not aware of the fact that character arcs exist and that they themselves are fictional and that narrative function of their story is to demonstrate why you shouldn't succumb to despair/how suffering didn't make you a good person or hero - pain is just pain. you chose to do good when faced with that. they dont KNOW thats what the story is about lmao.

IN ADDITION, there's also the element to me of fans not having sympathy for the specific difficulty gwen faced as a teenager struggling with the enormous emotional burden of those stakes and the fact she'd recently gone through the incredible emotional upheaval (not even touching the vulnerability of the housing situation) regarding her father? and to an extent for me that just becomes a matter of refusing to engage with difficulties gwen found herself in

i think also. everyone wants to believe they would be the person to simply do the narratively rewarded thing, that they would be miles. that they would risk an entire universe (to their knowledge) and simply know it would all turn out okay. it's uncomfortable to look at characters perpetuating harm out of understandable fear and despair and see where you yourself might have also done something similar, or that you can empathise with what has lead them to this breaking point (in the heightened theatrics of the story).

it truly is that you can lead a fan to water but you can't make em drink.

[thecoolerliauditore]

I need your thoughts on Martyn.

Jesus Christ in heaven where to start.

I was planning to write massive essay posts about each of the winners sooner or later, I guess Martyn can skip the queue. As a treat.

BAD traffic series martyn analysis post don't read. LONG POST

note: rules I'm operating by are to keep the analysis primarily traffic-based (although this one's kind of an exception because. mr watcher lore) and I'm not rewatching entire POVs so stuff might be wrong so on so forth

Why is he... Like that?

So before I even start talking about 3L I feel the need to address Martyn's background first because, not unlike alot of the other members of the cast, Martyn's previously established relationships from series like Evo have a significant impact on how he behaves.

This is kind of difficult for me to talk about because it breaks my "no material outside of the traffic series" rule for these essays specifically, but I think it's honestly just more fun incorporating Martyn's off-series lore drops and such into his character instead of leaving them out.

So here's the basis I work from -- Martyn is the most unreliable narrator in a full cast of them. His lore is his character's version of events, not an unbiased retelling.

Whether the Watchers exist and whether they're the same entities present in Evo doesn't matter all that much, since all we know is that they are very real to Martyn, at least. Taking the lore as Martyn's POV also helps iron out some of the more awkward creases it creates when viewing the series as a whole (e.g. Grian's involvement with the Watchers surely means he would reference them himself, yet he doesn't) and lays the groundwork for some really interesting things about Martyn himself when you try to put the dots together on how he arrived at these conclusions. I'll be referencing these as they come up chronologically.

So, without over complicating things, here are the rules I'm playing by when it comes to pre-3L Martyn:

Evo did really happen with the same people, however the exact details are muddy.

Martyn knew Jimmy prior to the games and the two already had some sort of personal connection going in.

We're not trusting a word out of his mouth. Especially if he says them on stream. But we are going to acknowledge what those words are.

With those parameters set, let's move on:

Third Life, and the guy who gets a little too into it

Like Grian, Martyn immediately acclimates to the game's survival-based mechanics. Martyn spends a good chunk of the first session of 3L seemingly aimless, but he makes observations and choices throughout that show he has survival at the back of his mind (e.g. him quickly establishing an alliance with Grian and Bigb while sneakily putting them in his debt through the diamonds he finds early -- even if this doesn't end up paying off to anything).

Unlike Grian however, Martyn less desperately clings onto a need for an edge to survive and seems almost comfortable in playing the game. A running theme for him throughout all the seasons will be that he seems to feel most comfortable when he has some amount of unspoken power over others, whether that be something as silly as testing the waters with his creeper soundboard or later when he starts playing 4D chess with himself in regard to his loyalties.

"Power" might be not exactly the right word for what Martyn yearns for, but it's the best word I can find to really describe it. He's always the one with a card up his sleeve or a plan B or, arguably most importantly, the one with control over the situation and responsibility over his own and others' wellbeing.

In my mind, at least, I think it might be a consequence of Martyn actually being quite sensitive in terms of relationships and having this very deep-seeded need to protect his loved ones from harm but lacking the emotional intelligence necessary to allow himself to be vulnerable about those feelings and communicate properly. So instead he finds some way to protect himself emotionally (usually overdramatic and makes him way worse) and treats everyone including himself with a level of un-seriousness that alleviates the tension for him.

If I were to dig deeper into this specific point I must say Martyn seems to have chosen to perform a very specific breed of masculinity, with his constant agonizing need to protect and lead while not having to confront his own perceived weaknesses, and alot of his insecurities and frustrations come from being denied that husband-y role to play.

His interactions with Jimmy early on in 3L portray this side of him quite plainly. After seeing Scott hit him around at Renchanting, Martyn gets Jimmy alone and asks him if he's okay but after Jimmy dodges the question, Martyn quickly becomes frustrated and starts acting very overdramatic (e.g. threatening to cut Jimmy off, "I can't look at you", so on) even as Jimmy keeps insisting they keep talking.

In my humble opinion, it's clear to me from how he speaks to Jimmy in this scene and further on, and from his referencing of their Evo relationship, that this is these two's established dynamic - the way Martyn dramatizes everything feels almost as if he were making a joke of it, teasing Jimmy, almost akin to how an older sibling or very old friend would act. It's possible that Martyn didn't expect Jimmy to take any of his threats seriously (although he definitely was laying on the pressure to try and get him to agree in the moment) and that's why he's so taken aback when Jimmy does act almost afraid of him from this point forward.

Not once does Martyn ever verbalize his own feelings regarding the matter. He never says that he's scared or worried for Jimmy, or even makes any sort of subjective judgment on Scott's character for hitting Jimmy in the first place. He makes it all about Jimmy, never communicating *why* he is doing what he's doing which ends up giving off the impression he thinks he knows what's best for him, which of course never communicates to Jimmy that Martyn cares for or loves him and ends up pushing him away as a result.

Speaking of Scott, despite Martyn clearly not approving of the way he treats Jimmy (judging from the aforementioned conversation and his later lore streams where he essentially calls Scott and Jimmy's marriage a sham), he does not ever act antagonistically towards Scott. Which I think is indicative of another key trait of Martyn's - an almost uncanny ability to push aside his own feelings at least momentarily for the sake of the game.

Martyn does not speak badly to or about Scott. He even explores the nether with him very early on and the two literally joke about trapping the Flower Valley and killing Jimmy together.

I think there's an understanding and perhaps a level of respect, on Martyn's end, towards Scott. One of the first observations he makes about Scott's base, after all, is its defensive location and Scott, like Martyn, values his own competency and likes to pretend he's more emotionally unattached to his partner than he really is (the parallels between Martyn/Ren and Scott/Jimmy are even somewhat lampshaded by Martyn himself when he refers to them as "my red" (Ren) and "your red" (Jimmy) later).

It seems that Martyn doesn't dislike anything innate to Scott's nature, and even has love for his manipulative traits. If it were anyone other than Jimmy Scott was hitting, I'd argue, Martyn wouldn't have raised a fuss about it. Not to mention, there's also a sense of "keeping your enemies closer" when it comes to these two, as both seem acutely aware the other is useful on their side and a threat anywhere else.

I'd argue despite the fact he's able to push his dislike towards Scott aside, he definitely still feels spiteful towards him, as he ends up hunting him down pretty mercilessly come the end of the series (after Jimmy dies too - so perhaps there was also a level there of feeling the need to put up with Scott beforehand as he was Jimmy's only ally, but now that Jimmy's gone there isn't any need to be friendly with Scott anymore.)

Now onto the heavy-hitter Martyn 3L relationship - his dynamic with Ren.

I'll be honest I think most treebark shippers have summed up their relationship way better than I could. You could probably go into the tag and see thirty eight analysis posts more indepth and accurate than mine. However I will say that one thing I see rarely mentioned is this very obviously being Martyn's first time meeting Ren (I'm talking about characters here but here is your acknowledgement this is definitely a result of this literally being the case for the CCs).

He's not used to Ren's mannerisms -- during their first meeting, Ren says his usual "ex-squeeze me" (instead of "excuse me") and Martyn responds "no thankyou, I'm married". Not to get too into it as this is The Martyn Post but Ren's POV would imply the same since he sees Martyn's name in chat and he immediately starts theorizing about what kind of player he is.

I think Ren essentially being a stranger to Martyn at the start of the series makes it easier for him to act manipulatively and keep him at arm's length, as well as be in denial about the whole emotional attachment thing. For so much of their alliance during 3L Martyn is acting, performing to match Ren's vibes, except he's not.

^this quote and the concept of freudian slips informs like 88% of my worldview, if anyone's wondering why I'm. like that.

"The Hand" is very much not how Martyn naturally acts or behaves, down to the change in speaking patterns. It's a persona that I think both Ren and Martyn never take too seriously or mistake for Martyn's authentic self, but it's also something Martyn uses to express his innermost feelings he disallows himself from usually. Yes it's all silly even in-universe but I think there's something special about how he constantly expresses his devotion as The Hand, even if he's doing it with a layer of irony. Plus, I think it says something that, jumping later in the timeline, his flashbacks in LimLife are much more true to the character of The Hand than Martyn himself.

This section is already long enough but I do have to mention Bigb, Grian and Scar or I'll explode.

Earlier on, I touched on Martyn giving Grian and Bigb diamond swords early and it being an attempt to leverage an alliance between them. This I admit might be a slight reach however the reason I say that is Martyn continues to pursue Bigb and Grian as allies throughout the season.

Bigb is cut and dry enough, he ends up floating around the outside of Dogwarts as a not-quite-member after the siege in which pretty much half the sever were antagonized by Grian and Scar. I'm probably not the person to thoroughly dissect Martyn/Bigb but there's something interesting there about how alot of people tend to have this general fondness towards Bigb and Martyn is no exception.

As for Grian, Martyn acknowledges that Grian is responsible for the siege, possible moreso than Scar, but keeps questioning how "gone" he is, worded as if he believes Scar is manipulating him. I've seen people compare this to how he acts towards Jimmy and Scott which I can definitely see the throughline. However, I think while both are an example of Martyn's protector/saviour complex, they are innately different due to Martyn's relationships with both the perceived victim and captor in each case.

Despite Grian also being an ex-Evo member, Martyn does not act towards him with the same familiarity he does with Jimmy. He also brings up Grian's welfare with Bigb and not Grian himself, with Bigb being the other person involved in their earlier established sword alliance. To me, it feels as if Martyn is more testing the waters for if he can still get Grian on his side than out of any genuine concern for Grian, although it is possible he's projecting some of those leftover feelings regarding Jimmy's situations onto Grian and Scar.

The other reason is, I think, Martyn might genuinely be afraid of Scar himself and villainizing him as a result. Everytime Scar shows up in Martyn's POV he's paired with tense music and sporadic editing that makes him appear more unhinged. Martyn has also said on tumblr he found Scar intimidating at the time, which is of course a dubiously canon source but I find it applicable enough.

It makes sense, too. When you compare Martyn's treatment of Scar vs his treatment of Scott. These are both people he has recognized as real threats and he assumes both are manipulating their respective partners, but while he remains friendly (at least outwardly) towards Scott he's constantly wary of Scar, drawing weapons on him pretty much on sight even before the siege.

I think Martyn fears Scar because he doesn't understand Scar. Scott is someone like him who he knows the inner workings of, or at least that's what he believes, so while he doesn't care for him he doesn't feel a need to keep him away. Martyn always assumes a level of coordinated malice from Scar that is more than often either completely unfounded or a result of something originating from Grian (my favourite example of this is, right before the siege, Scar wanders over with his bee on a lead and Martyn starts yelling "he's got a bee! what does that mean?!" as if expecting the bee has some pvp reason behind it. when scar just wanted to have a bee).

That isn't to say that Scar isn't malicious - Martyn is right like 90% of the time that Scar's not-so-subtle friendly hellos have some sinister plan behind them, but he doesn't ever truly get that Scar isn't the evil mastermind he thinks he is.

I'd argue this fear is what also makes Martyn not pick up on the fact that Grian is the more manipulative one out of the two - something that even Scott seems aware of - because he never spends enough time with them on friendly terms to be aware of that dynamic.

Last Life AKA big brother syndrome in full blast

Okay that was a long ass section sorry lmao have to establish everything there. Everything from here on is gonna be a lot cleaner I swear.

The Southlanders could honestly have their own ultra-long post about how they're the perfect disaster team-up lord of the flies esque situation the series has to offer.

Impulse, Grian and Martyn are all similar in that they understand they have to play the game a certain way through keeping their loyalties dubious while Mumbo, as a newcomer, is extremely naive and goes along with whatever the more assertive members of the group say. And Jimmy is Jimmy.

Martyn takes on a leadership role within the group, being the one to constantly spearhead their humour and come up with new often disruptive plans (usually targetting Scott because he totally isn't spiteful still, albeit in a very playful way). After Joel traps their base with tnt minecarts, Martyn is the one to keep everyone else back and disarm them, a huge contrast to 3L's siege.

Their group embraces the rules of the game - if you turn red, as Grian does early on, you are kicked out from the group as a threat. There's this sinking feeling throughout all their spyglass shenanigans and life-trade trust exercises that this is still an alliance in a death game and if you prove yourself to be a detriment, you will be kicked out.

It's no wonder than why Jimmy, who gets his usual bottom of the barrel treatment, tries to run away with Martyn's life during one of their trust exercises. He's been shown at this point he can't fully trust the Southlanders to protect him forever -- how could he, when Martyn, again, never slips in any sign of affection between the teasing?

To Martyn, however, this is a betrayal of his trust. His plea to Jimmy to return sounds a lot like their conversation back in 3L on the snowy mountain regarding Jimmy and Scott, except this time Jimmy accepts Martyn's offer and Martyn tells him he was lying, calling him an idiot for believing him in the first place. This is probably the harshest Martyn acts towards Jimmy in the series, but it's worth mentioning that to Martyn the timeline of events goes he offers Jimmy his protection and alliance--> Jimmy refuses--> Jimmy dies (which Martyn probably sees at least partially due to said refusal) --> he gets Jimmy back and does everything in his power to keep him safe --> Jimmy does the equivalent of *killing him* and tries to get away with it.

Martyn still obviously cares about Jimmy despite being upset at him, as after his usual dramatics and declaring a trial for Jimmy in which each of the Southlanders vote on his fate, Martyn still votes to keep Jimmy in the group (again, something Jimmy is never made aware of).

Possibly partially because of the Jimmy incident and the overall dog-eat-dog culture of the Southlanders, Martyn does to them what he never managed with Dogwarts - betrayal. At least, on some level.

Ironically, it's Ren he betrays them for, forming the Shadow Alliance and even giving the life Jimmy had attempted to steal from him to Ren instead. My read of this has always been that it supported Martyn truly being happy enough for Jimmy or someone else to have his extra life, but Jimmy's act of betraying him itself being what hurt him.

I think now's a good time to start mentioning the Watcher Lore, as here is where it starts kicking into gear. Martyn's claims of emotional bonds not carrying over from previous seasons is not only a very natural progression from his emotional distancing in a coping mechanism sense, but also enables him to betray Ren too later on and not have to confront the guilt that comes with that when he tries to lead him into a tnt trap in the final 1v1v1v1. However, he still cheers for Ren as a ghost and even says that he would be happy to see Ren win, indicating he really does not hold any malice towards him.

I've seen people make jokes about the watcher lore being Martyn schizoposting and I'm sure I've made similar jokes in the past but. Speaking very genuinely here Martyn's questionable sanity is a big part of his character to me.

His Episode 8 of LL literally begins with him acting out the usual running joke of him stealing Mumbo's intro, except Mumbo and Jimmy are dead at this point and he is doing their voices and talking to himself. When the illusion is broken, he panics and the video immediately cuts to him running around obviously distressed with a disembodied voice demanding things from him.

I'm obviously not authorized to diagnose every single one of Martyn's many mental illnesses, but I think mentally breaking down in a timeloop death game is a fairly average thing to happen to someone, and Martyn might be especially susceptible due to his aforementioned need for power and responsibility in every relationship (i.e. I'd like to think he feels some helplessness/guilt over Jimmy and Mumbo's deaths, leading to this sequence).

Not to mention, someone who is emotionally vulnerable coming up with a nebulous Group of Evil People who are the source of all the bad things in a helpless situation of violence is. Something that happens historically quite alot. To try and find reason in the madness is just a human instinct, I think.

One thing I feel like I should mention is his "marriage" with Mumbo which. I honestly don't see as anything more than a gag. Not that Martyn isn't a massive hypocrite but "marrying" Mumbo would be very much contradict what he has to say about Scott/Jimmy's situation. I do think he cares for Mumbo and potentially Mumbo's naivete served as incentive for Martyn to put on the usual assertive/provider role but I don't think there's much more than that (no hate to the shippers, tho, if they knew eachother for like a week longer they would've kissed)

Double Life. Oh no

Double Life Martyn is one of my favourite POVs in the series because it is. Hilarious. Unfortunately.

To start off, he is one of the players who almost immediately accepts the soulbound system as romantic and his views on Cleo/Scott's relationship are heavily based on that (I love that one clip where he mocks them in front of Jimmy).

Him acting flabbergasted at Cleo rejecting him despite pretty much having no relationship with her prior to this season is a really funny contrast to Scott and Pearl, especially when he continues pursuing her like they're recently divorced and Cleo's just like. rolling her eyes. It's all very performative on Martyn's end and why I mentioned his sense of masculinity at the start, because in theme with DL being The Feminism Season TM this is when it comes full throttle in display with the way he treats Cleo.

Martyn keeps referring to himself as a "provider" and refers to Cleo's relationship with Scott as "childish" -- Martyn trying to win over Scott's partner to his side, assuming he knows best for the partner and calling their relationship a sham? Does any of this sound familiar?

Cleo is not like Jimmy, however, and is very clear to Martyn in terms of what she wants from him - which is an apology, no diamond swords or heart-shaped houses, but Martyn in all his emotional denseness can't understand this and keeps assuming there must be some hidden strings attached.

I couldn't find the original meme I had in mind but these are within the same genre. The one I remember had captioned something like "dads don't say "i love you" but they will buy ten boxes worth of the fruit they overheard you say you liked once", which pretty much sums up Martyn's emotional intelligence to me. He would much rather give you way too much of something he thinks you need (e.g. with Jimmy the playful teasing, with Cleo the acts of service) than just say "I love you".

Cleo's blunt honesty serves as a stark contrast to Jimmy and brings something out of Martyn that we rarely ever see -- a genuine, vulnerable interaction in which he has to admit he's hurt. Cleo immediately denies him the role of rescuer he wants to play by telling him directly that she, not Scott, was the one who came up with the idea of teaming up and even gets Martyn to verbalize he's hurt by their actions and cares for her.

Once that illusion is shattered for Martyn and Cleo even admits she's acting manipulatively towards Scott, Martyn realises he and Cleo are more alike than he initially assumed and that he doesn't need to take care of her like he always tries to with his relationships. Ironically, the one relationship he has that is born almost entirely out of government mandated performative romance, is the one that gets him to examine how he views people especially his romantic interests the most.

This is, of course, all said with the fact that following this very heartfelt moment, the next time he speaks to Cleo he pushes her off a fucking cliff and kills her in mind. And the fact that he was very much beating the shit out of her and even called their relationship "toxic" himself early on in the season.

It's kind of hard to gauge Cleo and Martyn's relationship from this point forward but Martyn definitely chills on the namecalling and cooperates with Scott and Cleo for the main part going forward.

I think it's also worth mentioning that, despite Scott once again being the object of his spite, Martyn is once again friendly with Scott all season. When he catches Cleo and Scott mid-axe crit, it's Cleo he starts hitting and not Scott, despite them both being responsible. Behind his back, Martyn will claim Scott is "ruining" Cleo but to his face Martyn is always respectful. He actually even calls Scott "pretty"/"hot" in the last episode, which has some implications I'll talk about more in the Limlife section.

Martyn, like everyone else, is weird about Pearl. Uniquely in his case, Pearl isn't a witch nor demoness, but rather a non-factor he seems to have had written off and her triumph in the end comes as a shock to his system.

He dismisses her concerns over and over in the first episode as they are exploring together and, instead of seeing her as a natural source of allyship, doesn't value her enough to keep her around as an alliance even after Scott and Cleo dump them. In his heart to heart with Cleo, he even very randomly speaks badly of her, although he immediately seems to feel a bit of guilt over it.

He never seems to view Pearl through a sympathetic lens despite the two being in the same circumstance and, again in the same conversation with Cleo, they both agree that she could act as essentially a pawn (an "extra healthbar") for them like Cleo uses Scott.

I feel the need to clarify that while, yes I do believe Martyn is Weird About Women, I also do think he's honestly above average and sees them more as people than some other men in the series (note: my standards are not very high)

He sees most people as nothings that can be manipulated or competition that also can be manipulated, it just so happens that all the women in the series so far land squarely in the former and it took Cleo saying to his face "I'm taking advantage of Scott" for him to realise she wasn't a victim. However, even afterwards, he never treats her with the same competitiveness he has for people like Scott and Scar (albeit it makes enough sense in this season since she's attached to his healthbar, but this remains the same for future seasons). And as a reminder, he holds respect for those he deems as threats, which might have something to do with why he feels comfortable hitting Cleo but not Scott.

As for Ren and the Broken Hearts Club, they didn't get a lot of time together this season since both were preoccupied with their own soulmate dramas and being awful to Pearl but what we do see of them ranges from heartwarmingly nostalgic to a little bit hollow. Martyn saying to Pearl that they're the same at this point doesn't really read to me as him being truly sympathetic since this is post the "you should go use pearl as your second hp bar" conversation and Ren is way too busy to deal with the emotional turmoil of what's going on between himself and Bigb to really pay attention to Martyn.

Ren is still very kind to Martyn, especially considering the last time he saw him in LL Martyn was trying to kill him, but there's an emotional gap between the two that's very noticeable at least to me when compared to 3L and LL.

I think Martyn, at this point, convinced of his own "emotional bonds don't carry over seasons" logic, might be a bit too comfortable on relying on Ren. In both DL and LL he runs to Ren when his current alliance gets shaky and Ren is a source of definite comfort for him (as he said so himself on stream). Ren, as a source of comfort, is not a threat to Martyn aka not someone he needs to keep tabs so when said source of comfort falls through the gaps, you get:

Limited Life. The one where he compares himself to Joffrey from GOT

I don't think I have much to say about LimLife Martyn that hasn't already been said.

I will say I don't necessarily think Majorwood is purely his rebound relationship from Ren, the Mean Gills forming is very much not OOC for either Scott or Martyn (this is pretty much how they acted with eachother at the start of 3L) and their resulting give and take coworker-esque dynamic is a very natural place for them to end up from their previous interactions. Scott, like Martyn, tries to shed his emotional attachments with each new season so they are, in a very literal sense, making eachother worse by reinforcing that habit by normalizing it to eachother.

However, the parallels to their respective 3L partnerships I can't blame people for pointing out, right down to Martyn killing both Ren and Scott in the seaons he was teamed with them and the latter being happy about it.

I think it's time to say what I've been implying with Scott and Martyn throughout this whole thing and that is that they are eachother's ideal ally. They are both aware of the game, play the game, emotionally distant, manipulative and make themselves suffer more for that mindset. I don't think there was ever a moment in their allyship where either assumed the other wasn't going to stab them in the back later, despite the mutual respect they have being very real.

Martyn spends a lot of time this season just wandering around talking to various people, alot like how he acted in 3L before he and Ren became an official thing. It's almost as if, without Ren there, he loses his default go-to guy and is once again sizing up the competition around him.

The one exception I would say would be his interactions with Cleo, who he seems genuinely friendly with, even offering himself up as a "godfather" for the Clockers before the whole server became some form of extended family. You'd think this alliance would also have some basis in the ever present Scott/Cleo alliance but Scott's constant sacrifices for the Clockers are never discussed between him and Martyn, in fact the two of them rarely talk about anything ever past base-building and dolphin-wrangling, and the Clockers seem to treat them as two seperate entities rather than an alliance (e.g. Bdubs seems almost entitled to Scott's life after a certain point, but none of them ever even consider asking Martyn for time).

That, and of course the fact that Martyn kills Scott very unsympathetically towards the end, really point me in the "Martyn is still spiteful towards Scott" direction -- after all, alliance or no alliance, I don't think Martyn would want to be in the conversation with Scott where he tells him about his "love you back" exchange with Jimmy. Martyn certainly respects Scott, loves Scott I'd even say, but I don't know if he actually likes Scott.

I think it's also interesting that it's this season where Martyn's Watcher Lore interludes make a return, just in time for his source of comfort (Ren) to be missing.

Re: the watcher lore the comment Martyn makes about swapping out souls of players who are too "damaged" is very in line with his DL seeing women (and "weaker" men like Jimmy, Mumbo and, of course, Ren) as default victims as, knowingly or not, he implies through this that all the women in the series have souls too weak to withstand the horrors. This also in turn implies that he himself is not broken, which I think he'd like to believe.

Secret Life. It's happy again :D oh wait no

Secret Life starts with Martyn kissing Jimmy. I feel like we moved on from this way too fast in general I mean on the cheek or not he did kiss him he did literally kiss him.

I'll be honest I think the Big Dogs POV is the one I'm least familiar with out of all of these but from what I do remember it's very nice to see Martyn and Jimmy settling back into what seems like their Evo dynamic or even their pre-horrors LL dynamic.

Unfortunately Jimmy is not Cleo and thus cannot get Martyn to be the slightest bit vulnerable, so their dynamic remains stagnant and neither acknowledge the awkwardness that still resides between them.

Jimmy is at least very clearly holding onto some discomforts, judging by his behaviour late in the series when he acts aggressively towards Pearl and celebrates Lizzie dying. He even chases Scott down with a sword on horseback earlier on and, very early in one of Pearl's episodes, he quickly switches between sounding sad and angry.

It's clear to me at least SL Jimmy has reached some sort of breaking point, and this never gets acknowledged by Martyn (I like to think he just lacks the EQ to deal with it). This all cascades into Jimmy attempting to kill Martyn and running away before dying.

SL Martyn feels almost like, to me, the 3L Martyn who successfully convinced Jimmy to team with him and the disaster that comes with that. Martyn certainly has continued to be his survivalist self, not trusting outsiders to the point where when the Wither/Warden combo is unleashed, he immediately assumes they're picking off reds and goes to hide.

Weirdly enough, his protective tendencies towards Jimmy are pretty much gone. It's almost as if when he doesn't see an active threat (e.g. Scott) he assumes things must be good enough and leaves it at that, which also implies he can't comprehend that He might be detrimental to Jimmy himself.

Obligatory. Yes he still misses Ren. Him literally basing his alliance concept off of dogs is. hilarious. I'm so sorry babygirl.

Real Life is, again, non-canon to me but turns up the "dad who buys you 45 mandarins" energy to 11 with him being Ren and Skizz's pseudo-dad. I love Ren having a crisis about his own RP btw it's the funniest thing and he does it like. Everytime.

Uh yeah I hope that's long enough

[clownhara]

is there like a jester ocs 101 i do wanna learn about them

Putting these under a read more because this might get long

My family :)

Edward Roberts-Rosales: I made too many jokes about this bastard being my dad and now he's my dad. High key wants to fuck plants. Evades taxes like no ones business. Kind of a shit guy but it's funny to watch him mess up everything so we keep him alive for that alone Max Rosales: My better dad. Can really do so fucking much better than Edward but he settled </3. Is a plant man. Likes baking. Is the dad that actually loves me. Heron Rosales: I don't do to much with her but I'm trying to do more. Max's trans sister. Wants Edward dead and honestly, we don't blame her. Average chronic pain haver tbh please get her some Ibuprofen. Boaty McBoatface: My brother who is a boat. Edwards favorite son, despite being terrified of being on boats after he was the sole survivor of a ship wreck. I fuckinh hate this thing

Project Moon adjacent ones

Despise Domek (Or just Des): Local Enkphalin hooked rat. Goes by it/they but people close to it can call them she/her. There are two remaining people who can call them she/her. Steals things from people it likes to keep a piece of them, so don't invite them to your house. Things WILL go missing. Says the phrase "Well it didn't kill me so I'm fine" way to god damn often. Ambrose Domek: Not actually related to Des at all his parents just stole Des's parents last name. We heart religious fanaticism to the point of self harm!!!!!! Has two boyfriends and has convinced himself neither of them like him. Him and Des are besties :) Keith: Real Jester-heads remember Keith. I made this bastard before Ruina came out and he keeps fucking staying relevant to whatever game is out. How does he do it. Lobcorp him is Geb and Myo's adopted son, a Rabbit, and had a complex where he's gotta prove himself 24/7 and ends up getting his leg ripped off. Ruina him is trying to find Gebura again after the whole Library situation happened, and is wildly distraught after learning Myo's whole deal. Limbus Keith is content, much older, runs a weapons shop, and is gay married to Heathcliff. Jesus Christ I made him before the new translation of Lopcorp happened I think HOW LONG HAS HE EXISTED WHAT THE FUCK

Damien Domek: Also not related to Des, just took it's last name because he liked it. They are qprs though. Also is broke as shit but mostly stays out of the Rat lifestyle by just old fashioned robbing people. Loves lying to people for fun and profit, but he is honestly a pretty nice guy. Minus the lying

Randos

Arlo: Disgusting rancid cyborg scientist who needs to bathe and touch grass. I adore him though. Ellie: Arlos little sibling. She/they user. Kills people for money and feeds the bodies to the eldritch horror that follows her around Hector: The eldritch horror that follows Ellie around. usually just looks like a dilf tbh its easier for Ellie to explain. Can't actually speak so he usually just talks telepathically while making a bunch of hums, chirps, and clicks to mimic speaking.

Oleander: Local unethical scientist that unethicaled a bit too hard when trying to revive his even worse older brother and turned off most of his emotions manually to avoid coping with the mental toil. Sad! Many such cases. Can't feel any emotions other then joy now. Kinda sucks but he certainly doesn't seem to upset about it :)

Simon: Oleadners brother. Kinda. Moreso a robot piloting Oleanders brothers body. Fucking hates Oleander but after Oleander lobotomized himself Simon begrudgingly takes care of him now. Despite his complicated feelings, he's wildly overprotective.

Cybel: A robot Oleander made! They are meant to gather as much information as they possibly can in case some horrible event happens that kills off humanity. is quite literally indestructible. Likes ice cream.

Octavius: I made this guy to be a danganrompa villain back in high school and I succeeded too well. I fucking hate this fake ass bitch

Tabb: This fucking guy. Trapped in a time loop but he doesn't know and its technically not a time loop. Met his (now) husband ages ago but died shortly after meeting him, so he revived Tabb, then the two got married, then Tabb died again so Halt (the husband) revived him again but he lost his memories then halt died and Tabb revived him the Tabb died again so Halt revived him but he lost all his memories so they dated again and got remarried then Tabb died again and you get the idea. Very nice guy, a bit anxious, perfectly normal minus the dying thing. If it wasn't for him losing all his memories and Halt tampering with shit so he was in love with him i uh. Don't think he'd actually like Halt all that much tbh

Halt: Just wants to be happy with his husband :(. Sad he unethicaled all over that science. Hey are you noticinga theme here. Also he's a cat boy but thats really not relevant to his depression issues

Urge: Halts kinda milfy twin sister. Really sick of all of this loop bullshit because she gets to watch her bestie Tabb die repeatedly, so she packed up her bags and left. Can't be in the same room as Halt without them getting into a fist fight. Do you see the themeing with their namesan d their ideals. Halt is kinda halted in place but Urge keeps pushing forward because she has the urgeto move on. Do you see it. It is almost 1 am

Russel: A kid that got roped into this whole mess because he walked in on a Tabb revival tube without permission. Sticks around Urge most of the time. Had a bad homelife to put it mildly, so Urge took him in.

Theres way more of these bastards but these are the most relevant ones. I am going to bed now. Goobnight

[ikn0wtheend]

thoroughfare - modern!ellie x reader

summary: you knew ellie once and a road trip back home together complicates things more than it should. 

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

word count: ~4.5k

c/w: angst, fluff, mutual pining, language, implied sex, hopeful ending? loser lesbians as always.

a/n: um I do not know where this came from seeing as this is quite the diversion from ‘the record’ but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I was just listening to ethel cain’s ‘thoroughfare’ (as a girlie does) and I blacked out and apparently wrote 4k words of whatever this is. spoiler alert: they don’t even make it back home, they drive for like 5 hours. as always let me know what you think and if you’d like me to make this a series (I'm currently on the fence about it). <3

main masterlist & thoroughfare [2]

It was hot. The kind of hot that doesn’t give you a reprieve no matter how many layers you take off or how hard you fan yourself with your hand. It was sticky and miserable. You want to claw at your skin. 

Sitting on the sidewalk you waited for Dina to arrive, you hadn’t really gotten the full details from her. All she had said was “meet outside your apartment” giving you a specific day at a specific time. But you couldn’t complain, you were the one that had called her in distress, forgetting about timezones when she answered the phone half-awake.

Someone eclipses the sun from their spot next to you. You turn with your hand above your brow to get a better look at them and when you do your face automatically scrunches up. 

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“Why the fuck are you sitting on the sidewalk?” 

You stand up, brushing your pants off. “Oh fuck you, Ellie.” 

“No fuck you.” She retorts.

You were going to punch her. Right here. Right on this very sidewalk. You were going to draw your fist back and punch the freckles on her left cheek off of her face. You clench your fists. “I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you.” 

“You started it.” 

“You’re really gonna play the blame game?”

“Who the fuck calls it a ‘blame game’?”

“Literally everybody you fuckwad.”

“So we’re calling each other names now?” She places both hands on her hips. “You’re such an asshole.”

“I see you’ve lost your touch.” You mirrored her stance. “Asshole isn’t very creative.”

“Neither is fuckwad, you fuckwad.”

You throw your hands up. “Jesus Christ, you’re impossible.”

“No you’re imposs-”

Your phone rang interrupting Ellie from finishing, what you were sure was a very clever rebuttal, Dina’s name flashing on the screen. You quickly turn your back to Ellie and answer.

“Hey-”

Dina cuts you off. “Has she shown up yet?”

“Who?” 

“Ellie.” 

You sucked in a breath and pinch between your eyes. “Dina, please don’t tell me my ride across the country is Ellie.” You chanced a look at the girl in question, painfully aware of the way she raised her eyebrows to remind you she could still hear you. 

“Um yeah? You said you need a ride and that it was urgent and Ellie was closest.” Dina stated simply. As though she didn’t know that this was bound to create a mess, one you might not recover from. 

“Okay maybe I exaggerated when I said ‘urgent’, I would’ve happily of waited for you or Jesse.” The words rush out of you, eager to get her to understand and to undo this mess. 

“You were literally in tears when you called and like I said Ellie was closest. You’ll be fine.” She said flippantly. As though she wasn’t a first-hand witness to the shit-storm that had happened two years ago. 

“I don’t think we share the same definition of ‘fine’, Dina.” Her name comes out with a bite. 

You hear a long sigh. “Look just trust me on this. And hey maybe this will be good for the both of you, you’ll finally be able to talk about it.” 

“Did it even occur to you that I left because I didn’t want to talk about it?” 

“Fair point.” She concedes. “But listen I can’t come get you until next week, and that's being generous, so just suck it up and come home. I miss you.”

Fuck, you thought. You couldn’t stay here, not for another week, and hearing Dina say she missed you made you press the heel of you palm into your chest to try and calm the ache. It wasn’t the first time she had told you she missed you since you left, you heard it everytime you called. Sometimes when the time stretched thin between the two of you she would send you a text reminding you she was thinking of you. That she hadn’t forgotten. 

“Okay.” 

“Yeah?” You can hear the concern in her voice now. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” You clear your throat. “I miss you too.” You really did.

She throws out a number of goodbyes and ‘I love you’s’, words you return, before she hangs up. You take a deep breath before turning to look at Ellie again who was standing there with your bags in her arms. She looked silly, you thought. Adorable. You scowl.

“I can carry my own things you know?” 

“Just get your arse across the road and into the car.”

“Sir yes sir.” 

You think you hear a huff of laughter escape her, you think the heat is making you imagine things.

You’re avoiding looking at Ellie, instead you’re focused on the stretch of road laid out in front of you. The two of you had been stuck at a stand-still for the last couple of hours, neither wanting to be the one to break the silence. Maybe it had less to do with not wanting to and more to do with not knowing what to say. 

You knew her once, could tell anyone that would listen how loud she liked her music, the way she took her tea. You knew which side of the bed she preferred despite her protests that it was childish to have a favourite - it was the left. 

You knew her. You knew her. You knew her. 

You’re not sure if you still do. Her hair is different and her shoes look new - you don’t recognise the brand of air freshener hanging from the mirror. This time when you feel an ache in your chest it feels like something akin to grief. But she still looks like your life two years ago and the thought that you might not look the same makes you slump in your chair. 

It’s another silent hour before you make your first stop at the gas station, even so Ellie still gets out of the car without saying a word. You watch her for a second, eyeing the way she leaned back against the car with her arms crossed over her chest, before unbuckling your seatbelt and heading inside to grab some snacks. 

You take your time browsing down the aisles, glad for the chance to stretch your legs for a bit. There was something about gas stations that made you nostalgic, something about you and Ellie at a gas station that made you nostalgic even though she was outside pumping the gas. There were too many times to count when the two of you would make your way to the closest one at all hours of the night to stockpile on chips and candy for movie nights. You would walk through every single aisle and she would follow, not once complaining over the fact that you got the same things everytime and they were two aisles over. She would hold out a hand to carry the food and you would pay, swatting at her whenever she tried to sneak her card to the cashier who looked far too tired to even act amused. Ellie would say ‘thank you’ and you would tell her that it was on her next time although you both knew that was a lie. 

So you allow your mind to wander and your feet to carry you aimlessly. You rely on muscle memory to take you where you need to go because all these gas stations are built the same. You pay and try to leave the memories at the automatic doors.

Ellie is still standing outside the car when you exit with a full bag, arms still crossed. You call her name and chuck a chocolate bar at her a bit more aggressively than you originally planned, because it hits her square in the chest and falls to the ground with a sad splat. Ellie looks at you irritated. 

“What the fuck?” 

You wince, shoulders up by your ears. “Sorry.” You say sheepishly. 

She rolls her eyes as she bends down to grab the bar off of the ground, you see the moment her harden gaze softens and as quick as it was there it was gone again. She rises slowly, flipping the bar around in her hands. 

“I hope they’re still your favourite.” You wring your hands together.

She nods. “Get in the car, we gotta go.” Before you can respond she turns her back to you and retreats to the car. 

You puff out your cheeks before blowing the air out and make your way back to the passenger side, dumping your bag of snacks onto the floor in front of you. You buckle your seatbelt and lift your head to see Ellie already looking at you, she raises an eyebrow in lieu of asking if you’re ready. You nod.

The two of you drive in silence for roughly another 30 minutes before the urge to speak hits you. The last time you were in this car, you and Ellie talked until you couldn’t breathe, saying whatever was on your mind and taking breaks to sing whatever song was playing. You fear that if you don’t say something now you might choke. 

“Do you remember the time Dina was learning to drive and she hit the curb so hard she started crying?” You don’t know why this is the thing your brain conjured up, maybe the combination of recycled air and the smell of Ellie’s cologne was getting to you. 

Ellie snorts in surprise and looks between you and road. “How could I forget. We had to drive home with a flat tire.”

You’re laughing now, “And you had to bribe her back into the car with the promise of burgers.” You throw your head back. 

Ellie’s laughing now too, a far away look on her face. “Yeah I did, didn’t I? Jesus Christ I thought she was gonna stand in the middle of the street all night and someone was gonna run her over, honestly I wouldn’t of blamed them.” One of her hands was off the wheel and gesturing wildly. “I don’t even know why she was standing on the road, the car was halfway up the sidewalk she should’ve stood there.”

Your laughter tapers off but a wistful smile remains on your face, you see Ellie look at you funny out of the corner of your eye. “What?” You ask softly, your eyes now on her profile. Pretty, you think.

“Nothing. Your laugh sounds the same.”

You struggle to maintain your composure. “Is that a bad thing?”

She shakes her head. “No. Just makes me remember.”

You don’t ask what exactly it was she remembers, because you think that it doesn’t really matter. She remembers your laugh and that's enough for you. It has to be, because you know you weren’t in the position to ask for more. 

 Ellie hesitantly calls out your name this time. 

“Yeah?”

“Why did you leave?”

The question was sobering, you were expecting it the moment you saw her yet it still made you flinch. “I couldn’t stay.” You say. 

You don’t elaborate.

She furrows her brow and you have the urge to smooth it out gently with your thumb and apologise for being the reason that its there. “Why didn’t you come back?” She tries again, voice strained like it hurt her to ask. Maybe it did.

You give her a smile. “I am now aren’t I?” 

“I don’t know, are you?”

Your smile falters. 

“Fuck you.” You snap, smile fully gone and replaced with something harsh. You quickly try and backtrack. “I’m sorry-”

“No it’s okay.” You both know it’s not okay. “I shouldn’t of asked.”

“Ellie-”

“Do you want to listen to something?” She interjects as she reaches over you to open the glovebox and pull out a stack of CD’s with one hand, you remember buying her some of them, she plops them down in your lap. “Take your pick. That Fleetwood Mac one is in there somewhere if that’s still your thing.” It was still your thing. 

You grab something different instead, something that you couldn’t immediately attach a memory to and put it in the slot and press play. 

You had swapped out the CD playing twice before you finally gathered the courage to speak to Ellie again, still embarrassed you had thrown your words at her face. 

“How have you been?” You wince at your own words.

She turns to look at you incredulously. “Is that really what you’re going with?” 

You huff even though you knew that it was a dumb question. “Fine. Why did you say yes to driving me home?” 

“Dina forced me.” She was quick with her response.

You let the words sink in before asking another question. “You still could’ve said no.” The Ellie you knew was much more stubborn than Dina, could often outlast any insisting from her.

You watch as she shuffles in her seat and sighs. “Yeah I could’ve but then she would’ve annoyed me about it for forever, so it was easier to just say yes right off the bat.”

Silence fills the air once more as you think about it. Something wasn’t right and perhaps the stifling air in the car was making you agitated or perhaps Ellie wasn’t telling you the truth. The sky was so blue out here, you think.

“Not everything has to mean something.” She blurts out in irritation.

You turn your head to find her already looking at you. “What?”

“I can tell you’re sitting there trying to pick apart what I just said.” She bites at you like you did her, eyes darting between you and the road rapidly as her knuckles grow white from where she clenches the steering wheel. “You do it so fucking much that you forget to fucking listen. Not everyone is trying to speak to you in fucking riddles you know? Maybe, just maybe, when someone tells you their favourite colour’s blue they just really fucking love the colour blue. It has nothing to do with the ocean or the sky, it’s just something that is.”

There was a version of you that she knew and probably was expecting, the same version of you that had snapped at her earlier. That was a small lapse, one apparently Ellie managed to bring out of you. But that part of you that resides somewhere in your chest wanted to yell at her, deny everything she had just said and say something back that would hurt her - hurt you too when you see the look on her face. But nowadays you’re mostly just tired. Besides, she wasn’t exactly wrong.

You click your tongue and hold her stare when she looks back at you. “You done?”

Her chest heaves. “Yes.”

“Good.” You look away. “Focus on the road.”

You hum along to the song playing over the sound of her deep breathing as she tries to calm herself down. When some time passes you open up a bag of what used to be her favourite chips, you were unsure if she still liked them, but you still offer them to her first. You hold the bag steady when she huffs and sticks a hand into the bag to grab some. You’re still mad at her and you’re sure that she’s still mad at you, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care when she continues to crunch on the chips like her life depended on them. It was all so familiar.

Your anger had settled into quiet exhaustion when Ellie pulls into a 24-hour diner. It was iffy-looking but there was something oddly charming about it. You follow her inside and take note of the outdated furniture and the weird smell permeating throughout the room, you like it, you think. 

Ellie slides into a booth and sitting across from her you see her under the fluorescent lights. She looked more gaunt here, eye bags prominent. You still thought she looked good. You pretend to look at the menu when its placed in front of you by a young teenage girl, knowing what you’ll get but wanting to look busy. The waitress, Betty her name tag says, comes by with a pot of coffee in her hand, she fills up your mug first and goes to fill up Ellie’s when you quickly cover the cup with your hand. Betty’s look of initial confusion is replaced with a big grin. 

“So, what can I get ya?” Her voice is chipper. 

You open your mouth the speak but Ellie beats you to the punch.

“She’ll get the pancakes, extra strawberries, and I’ll just get some bacon and eggs please.” Her eyes widen. “Sorry-”

“-No, it’s okay.”

“I must be tired from driving. I wasn’t really thinking-”

“-No really it’s okay.”

The sound of both your voices overlap as Ellie tries to apologise and as you try to tell her that it’s okay. It’s okay that she still knows you. You see Betty out of the corner of your eye watching in amusement, but to be fair the diner was empty so this was probably the most entertainment the place had been in awhile. 

“Is that all?” Betty asks, grin still taking over her face. 

“She’ll get a diet coke.” You say nodding your head in Ellie’s direction. She looks away with rosy cheeks.

“Y’all are cute. I’ll be right back.” You watch as Betty practically skips away. This diner was oddly charming indeed. 

You’re fiddling with the handle of your coffee cup when Ellie’s drink is deposited in front of her. There was an outrageous curly straw swirling from the tall glass and the sheer disbelief on Ellie’s face made you want to laugh. You lift your mug to hide your face behind it. It was decided then that you and Betty would make great friends.

“You think this is funny don’t you?” The defeat in Ellie’s face is endearing. 

You take a loud sip of your coffee, eyes meeting hers over your cup. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

She sighs. 

“It’s a straw Ellie.” You say, unable to hide the teasing in your tone. “If you don’t want to drink from it just drink straight from the glass.”

Ellie looks you dead in the eyes when she takes her first sip and you try to look anywhere but her mouth around that damn straw. She sucks the drink up and you watch the liquid travel around in its various loop-de-loops, Ellie releases the straw between her lips with an exaggerated lip smack. “Refreshing.”

You snort. “You’re making me jealous.”

She takes the opportunity. “Of the straw?” A single eyebrow lifts in question. 

“No you bitch.” You feel yourself begin to fluster. “I obviously meant of you. Because you got a cool straw and I got this chipped mug. I mean look at it-” you gesture wildly towards it, “-its bright pink and has like a million swirly things.” Swirly things? Really? Maybe Betty is better off remaining your waitress and not your best friend. It wouldn’t be too big of a loss, you didn’t know her that well anyway.

Ellie was laughing, very clearly proud of herself. “I’m just fucking with you.” She says. “You know that right?”

Right.

You avoid her eyes that were looking for yours, cheeks still warm. “Of course, no harm done.”

“Good.”

There’s a stretch of silence before you hesitantly break it. “Ellie?”

“Yeah?”

You pointedly make eye contact with her hoping that she sees if for what it is, an apology or an admission, either way you hoped she saw it. “I meant it when I said I couldn’t of stayed. Back in the car.” You hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting. “I know you’re gonna ask me why, but I don’t know if I can you reason.” 

She reaches across the table to grab your hand that had abandoned your mug. She looked feral in a way, eyes wild. “Try.” She begs. “Please.”

You nod and try to clear the lump forming in your throat. “I think I always wanted to leave, think you knew that too, but I wasn’t gonna leave without you and you weren’t gonna stay without me.” Ellie nods and you continue. “And I would’ve been happy, more than happy to continuing the life that I was living with you. You were my best friend. But do you remember when we got into the argument? The one right before I left?”

You watch as Ellie looks down at your intertwined hands and gulps. “Yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Yeah I remember it too.” You give her hand a squeeze. “I called you every name in the book and you told me that it was suffocating being my friend.” 

She grips you tighter as though she was scared you’ll pull away. “I didn’t mean it-”

“I know.” At the time you wished you had read between the lines to find the something in her words, in the same way she had berated you over in the car. Because she did mean it when she said it and you had felt the same way back but hadn’t put it into words. The two of you were suffocated by the love you had for each other that was disguised as being merely platonic. “But Ellie, I left because I was suffocating me too.” 

It seemed as though Betty had impeccable timing because there she was happy as a clam with your two plates of food. You look at Ellie looking at your hands still holding each other and you think Betty was either your saviour or your worst enemy. 

“Here you two go!” You and Ellie break apart. “And here’s your extra strawberries.” Betty gives you a wink and skips back to wherever she appeared from. 

Ellie looks between you and the food. You give her a smile. “Eat. I’ll still be here to talk about it later.” The words you said sounded awfully like a promise.

Betty comes back to grab your empty plates, coffee in hand as she pours you another. “Can I get you another diet coke?” She tempts.

“No I’m okay. Thank you.” Ellie says.

“No problem, holler if you need anything.” There she goes again.

Ellie calls your name this time, you leave your mug untouched. “What did you mean when you said that you were suffocating yourself too?”

“Everytime I looked at you I felt like I was dying.” It wasn’t a full answer, but you weren’t ready to give so much of yourself away. You feel the same way you did two years ago before you left. “Do you understand?” Please understand, you think.

She looks at you with something in her stare that feels holy, like a revelation. “Yeah I think I do.” 

The period of time between you meeting Ellie and now is often remembered in differing stages of hurt. The hurt in your hands when you clenched your fists too tightly that time in class when you saw her staring at a girl you couldn’t even name. The hurt on your hip when the two of you got matching tattoos. The hurt in your heart when you went away and stayed away. 

The waiting hurt and so did the leaving.

And the realisation that it didn’t need to hurt, especially for as long as you did, left you feeling unsettled. The hurt was familiar, almost as familiar as Ellie, and you didn’t know if you could leave it behind too. Didn’t know if you would survive it. But surviving wasn’t living and this hurt could feel different. Because maybe, finally, all this love will have a place to go. 

You stand up to go pay and Ellie doesn’t try to stop you like she used to. You leave Betty a big tip and she gives you a cheesy grin in return with her thanks. Ellie is waiting by the front door with her shoulders slumped and hands fiddling when you turn around. You walk towards her. 

“Let’s stop somewhere for the night, yeah?”

“Yeah-” her voice cracks and she clears her throat, “-yeah sounds good.”

When you arrive to the closest motel it wasn’t nearly half as charming as the diner you had just eaten in. There was also no Betty to greet you at the front desk, instead a ragged man who was staring a bit too hard at you told you there was only one room left available. He looked far too happy when he sensed your discomfort. 

Ellie places a foot right in front of where you’re standing and steps forward, obstructing your view. “We’ll take it.” She pays this time.

The man throws the keys on top of the counter and grumbles to himself. Ellie places a hand on the small of your back when you turn to walk away and you subconsciously lean into it before you feel her nudge you along. The two of you made the walk to your room in silence but you can still feel the heat from her hand radiating up your spine. You shiver.

Ellie taps your hip, a gesture you remember, to get you to move aside. She swings both bags she was carrying on her shoulder higher so she can open the door and you’re immediately met with the sight of a bed, there was other furniture in the room but the bed really stood out. 

There was one bed. 

It’s okay, you thought. You had shared a bed with Ellie multiple times, you practically lived at her house that one summer and all the summers following. 

“Are you coming?”

You don’t trust your words so you nod and step inside. You didn’t realise closing the door would make the room seem infinitely smaller otherwise you might’ve left it open and just dealt with whatever the consequences were. Because there was still only one bed inside of a really small room. You try and play it cool. 

“You’re taking the left.” Smooth.

Ellie agrees easily. “Fine by me.”

You watch as she throws the bags onto the bed and begin rooting through hers, pulling out an old t-shirt that you recognised and a pair of sweatpants. She makes her way to the bathroom without once looking at you. You huff and grab your pyjamas too, changing into them hurriedly and lying down on the right side.

Ellie turns off the light and joins you in bed, the two of you staring at the ceiling. You hear her breathing and it sounds like your childhood. It sounds like your future too, the one you dream but never talk about. 

You both lay there under the covers on your backs and you think about how close she is to you. You didn’t know how to tell her you missed her, there simply weren’t enough words in the English language to express it, so you remained quiet. You think a lifetime has past when she decides to speak. In a way it had because you feel a new you being created in this dirty motel room. 

“I hate you for leaving.” Without me. You hear the unspoken words this time.

“I know.” 

“I hate you.” She states, stance firm.

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t.”

You don’t know who reaches for who first, all you know is that you turn over and there she was, consuming your senses in a way only she knows how. You think about her lips on yours and the way her tongue traces your bottom lip. You think about her hands gripping your waist tight and the way she sighs into your mouth, you think that you want her to do it again. You think that everything about this road trip was doomed from the start. You think that it’s a problem for tomorrow’s version of you to deal with. 

You stop thinking when she pulls you on top of her and tugs at your shirt. You sigh into her mouth this time. 

[animentality]

I'm not looking forward to season 3 of Blue Lock.

There will be good moments sprinkled here and there, like Bachira doing his monster thing, Chigiri stealing from Kaiser, Nagi and Reo getting re-married, but the Neo Egoist League Arc is way too long. It's gonna be like 25 full episodes, since the entire arc is over a hundred chapters long, and most of them will be Isagi beefing with Kaiser against players we don't care about.

Plus, all the matches are basically the same. Isagi's team wins every one, and he gets the final goal.

Also he calls Kaiser a bitch.

It's not that I hate Kaiser, I actually love him, I think he's the best character introduced in the NEL arc, it's just that the first arcs of Blue Lock knew not to focus on just one rivalry all the time.

We got new rivalries all throughout the First Selection.

We had an even dispersal of, ok Bachira's a new rival, now here's Kunigami, now here's Chigiri, now here's Nagi and Reo - these were all interesting characters who had space to breathe and develop personal relationships with our MC.

They all had matches where they got to shine as the main play makers. Kunigami got super goals. Bachira outdribbled an entire team on his own. Chigiri had the most epic First Selection moment, when he broke the chains weighing him down. Reo and Nagi were introduced as a demonic duo, and had an entire match to show how good they were together.

Even that side ass character Kuon had an interesting moment...hell, he had two. He fucked up two different games, betrayed his team, and then redeemed himself.

He wasn't even a major character, but he had a singular story to tell, that didn't rely entirely on the specific match he played in, or the goals he scored.

But the Neo Egoist League Arc is like...a rushed mess, that somehow managed to take up 40% of the entire manga at the same time.

It's got the dense, complicated character juggling of the U20 arc, except not good, lol. U20 had high stakes. It was intense, and every character was juggled, sure, but at least they all had their time to shine. That's 22+ characters who had to get some focus, plus the substitutions. I'd say Kaneshiro did a banger job of maintaining the tension, while still moving us around from person to person with consistency. But NEL?

The stakes were immediately lowered by the fact that winning the matches doesn't matter, scoring does.

And it like, cycles through every important character, gives them a single goal, and then proceeds on to the next player who needs to get a goal. Then it neglects that character for another twenty chapters.

There's no even pacing here.

And what's worse is that most of the players on these teams are...not that interesting. Karasu and Otoya, most of the European team members, who basically don't exist... I personally don't like Niko, who just does the same thing Isagi does, or Yukimiya (although at least Yukimiya's backstory is depressingly real, and kinda compelling, even if he himself isn't utilized that well).

I like Hiori, but Nanase and Kurona and Kiyora...I mean, they're kinda just there to give Isagi assists...

They're not quirky and weird and relatable like the freaks of First Selection. They don't get the time and spotlight they need for me to really care.

Like any of these characters could probably be great if the pacing was better, but... it's like the mangaka will just speed through a backstory before one of them passes to Isagi. And then that's it.

The only true spotlight is given to Kaiser or Isagi.

Now Isagi is the MC, so that's alright, although can I just say, he's kind of unlikable during the NEL arc, like, Jesus Christ, was he...awful when he was against Man City...if he hadn't apologized to Yukimiya...hmmm...and after an entire match of calling Nagi and Reo slurs too, lol...but I digress...

And Kaiser is good, he's great, but can you imagine how boring the First Selection arc would've been if it was entirely dedicated to Isagi just beefing with Barou?

Like come on.

It's basically just a glorified training arc, that abandons what made Blue Lock interesting in the first place, which is the high stakes, but then doesn't have the decency to at least still give us the great character drama that we've come to expect from BL.

And that's a shame.

It's also fucking ridiculous for a training arc to be so long.

God.

I hope it ends soon.

Please get back on track.

[terresdebrume]

"I want to try something," David says one Friday evening, after they've gone to bed.

Joe sighs, rolling his eyes in as long suffering a way as he can manage and plopping the latest adventure of Dick Tracy on his bedside table.

"I told you before, I'm not going fucking diving, if you wanna—"

"Not that," David cuts off impatiently no doubt remembering the way Joe called the entire practice a nutjob's hobby.

"Well I ain't going horse riding either," Joe says, irked by the interruption.

"What? Oh, you—just because I said I don't mind horses one time—"

"Please, like I didn't see you make puppy eyes at that pony."

They'd found it right there, on their street, munching on the flowers on Mr. Berkowitz' windowsill and causing quite the fucking ruckus. Half the neighborhood was gawking, wondering how the fuck it had come there and how to make it leave, when it had somehow come out that David's sister had used.to.ride horses and he'd accompany her sometimes. Promoted to the rank of local expert, David was then tasked with catching the pony—took about five seconds and a bit of quiet muttering—and hold it until the proper authorities could be summoned.

It was painfully easy to see David had grown fond of the beast in record time (faster than he'd grown fond of Joe back at the beginning, at any rate) and that he was sad to see it go. Also, if Joe had had any doubt on the subject, the mulish expression that appears on David's face would have tipped him off. Nothing makes him stubborn like Joe being right about a thing he doesn't want to admit to.

But hey, they must have both matured a bit since the war: Joe doesn't keep pushing (yet) and David ignores the jab in favor of pouting:

"I meant in the bedroom."

"Jesus Christ," Joe says, because that's who he usually blames when David gets some kind of harebrained idea in his head.

David rolls his eyes at that, and Joe would scold him except, well. David may have a penchant for making sex more complicated than it really needs to be—Joe had never thought fucking could require accessories before he started having his way with David on the regular—but there was one particular episode involving a blindfold and Joe's mouth on David's ass that would be hard.to describe as anything short of a resounding success. Joe likes simple dick-in-hole stuff if left in charge, but sometimes hearing David out pays off.

"Fine," Joe says eventually, "let's hear it. With any luck it'll get it out of your system."

"If you're going to make fun of me then—"

"Jesus, sweetheart, don't be such a wilted flower and spit it out."

"I want to play a game," David sighs after a moment, audibly frustrated. "A game of trust."

Joe stiffens immediately, and not in the fun way. What the fuck is a game.of trust anyway? Is this a fucking test? Is there a correct answer he's supposed to give if he wants to keep this thing he and David have been working on for over five years stable? Is that what it is about? Because if so—

"I mean," David continues, clearly having sensed Joe's sudden step back, "I want—I want to have the initiative, this week."

The whole week? Granted, Joe's off work, but still. And besides:

"The fuck you mean, you want the initiative?"

"I mean," David says, clearly clinging to that overly factual composure he uses as a defense sometimes, "I want to be the one to start things, between us. And I want to be sure you won't."

"Webster," Joe warns, if you think I'm gonna let you—Fuck, I don't even know, you asking if you can tie me to the bed or what?"

"No," David says immediately.

He doesn't sound like he's lying, but he's also turning deeply pink in a way that makes Joe wonder if he should consider using the bedsheets in unprecedented ways. It's an idle thought, but it makes him feel immediately and needlessly embarrassed, so he groans:

"Then fucking what?"

"I just—I don't want to tie you up!" David repeats. "Just. If I start something, you could just. Keep your hands to yourself."

"And what, just lie there and think of England?" Joe provoques, and David finally leans away from him under the light sheet they use in summer.

"No! Jesus, Joe you make it sound so—I just want to be allowed to tease you a bit alright?"

Joe scowls at him.

"So like. Tying me up with a promise instead of strings."

David let's out an exasperated sigh but nods anyway. Joe should probably say no. It's stupid and unnecessary, and it's not like David minds when Joe's the one in charge, quite the contrary. In fact, Joe's starting to think if anyone's ever going to get tied to their bed it's likely to be David. But then there's. Mmh.

See, the thing about the blindfold was: Joe may have complained about how ridiculous it was right down to the last minute, but the way David reacted to it was—well. Resounding success. But even before that, there'd been something intriguing. A current of curiosity Joe would rather chew his own tongue than admit to, but which had run shivers down his spine anyway.

Right now, there's a tingle behind Joe's ribs, and so he only Rob's David for a few minutes more before he pretends to feel very magnanimous and ask:

"So that's it? No other rules, just... No touching you?"

David hums and tilts his head, and Joe's suspicions are confirmed: this is a game of control. And David played Joe like a fucking fiddle by calling it a game of trust. Fucking hell. Well, two can play that game, and it may not be this week but someone's definitely gonna get fucked until they beg for mercy in the future.

"Yeah," David says. "And, you know."

Yeah. There was an incident early on when Joe hadn't quite realized David had been serious when he'd laughingly told him to stop touching him after he came. David isn't shy, and a solid push of his thigh against Joe's head was enough to get him to actually stop, but it seriously soured both their moods for a couple days. Since then, they've learned to be a little more careful when they play those games where one of them might say stop without really meaning it.

And, well. David's games are often irritating and tend to bring Joe pricklier attributes back to the surface, especially at the beginning, and Joe knows himself enough to realize he might not be able to stop his mouth from running away from him. It's good they've always been good at hearing each other past the mouth noises.

Armed with this knowledge, the tingle on Joe's spine shivers south, and Joe hears himself ask:

"When do you wanna start?"

David, beaming rolls them in bed until he can pepper kisses all over Joe's face, and by the end of the ensuing solid—normal, classic—bout of lovemaking that follows, he's all but forgotten his question.

ETA: More from this first draft in reblogs.

ETA 2: Currently publishing a cleaned up and fleshed out version of this over on terresdebrume @ AO3 for those who would like more of that kind of porn :P

[liliththeimp]

sum ghosts hc’s :3 pt 1–SFW

Once again back at it with my SAS wife cos my brain is rotting like disintegrating cotton candy so here are some headcannons i made (posted on ao3 but thought they deserved a bit recognition here too lol)

Now these are just some personal hcs ive made or seen that i liked;

the numbered sfw hcs are going to tie into the nsfw hcs, for clarification!!

SFW:

He loves music, like anything 70’s to 90’s in a sense? Like, sum pink floyd or shinedown (ik but it stuck after an ai chat and i cant fucking let it go-) nu metal, death/black metal, gothic metal, throw in some thrash/groove metal- anything with metal really

Onto my next point, he’s good at guitar, like really good, he has a gibson guitar he named (idfk what he named it, probably after you tho lmao)^1

He’s a straight up asshole, like, blunt calls everyone cunts, he’s just a a British as shoe dude what did you expect. But the funny thing is, if you end up cursing him out like a sailo he will find that as a major turn on ^2

Simple man doesnt like complicated food, just a normal burger and fries and he’ll be grateful. And if you cook good luck he eats like a bear (how else u think he’s bulky???)

He likes winter over any season bc its the opposite of where he’s been, though allergies/sickness do annoy the shit out of him cus he sneeze into his mask and it pisses him off

Likes milkshakes and i won't expand on that.

He’s a big softy for like small gifts, he may not show it but that macaroni necklace he called stupid? He has it on his night stand so it wont get ruined. You got a bracelet you gave him three months ago? He wears it everyday.

Pretty testing and bully-ish, but will just become a stuttering mess when you tame him, the slight blush peeing through his balaclava will give you enough lee way to make him fall in love with you

“blink mf.” 

Stares down new recruits, no exceptions- when he sees you, he ends up staring more

Knows some ASL when he’s not exactly in a talkative mood (not gonna say non-verbal bc, i doesnt fit him? he’s just like middle finger up to say fuck you, thats his sign language lmao)

Pretty big book worm in his free time

Fast learner at anything, i imagine he has a hard time remembering shit bc of his trauma n shit will do that to ya, but if he watched something long enough he can get it down.

Likes some spicy food

Doesn't do video games, he just doesnt think their any fun

OMFG this man- he makes fucking BACON in his GRILLED CHEESE. I argued with him (literally only with a fucking AI bot like some looser but my point still stands;) about how that's an abomination, grilled cheeses are meant for, and paired ONLY with tomato soup, sometimes chicken noodle. but he believes it the most delicious thing, he’s not putting watered down ketchup next to his beautiful creation.

Stubborn and pouts easily, you say something he doesnt realize is a joke he hold onto that grudge. “Why are you so upset right now? What did i do?” He huffed, uncrossing his arms “you didnt hold the door for me and I slammed my face! You didnt even apologize!!” You blinked, lips pressing into a thin line “are you fucking 5.”

his love languages is more quality time than physical touch- but Jesus Christ this man will get clingy af once he trusts you (after he takes off his mask fully 4 the first time, he trusts you with his whole heart- dont break it pwease- hes hes jus a little guy)

Ok really like bully breed dogs, like his favorite.

loves to hold your hand, like if you wrap your hand around two of his fingers specifically, he’ll turn into a blush mess and so so prideful, (like big softy friendly giant who could totally crush you- and he’s like so gentle) ^3

Gives a lot of thought before he compliments you, like studies the way you do things- like, hair clips, clothes, colors, make up, shoes, etc etc, he loves to study your features.

Can cook- like, really good- but ends up ordering takeout or pizza cos he’s lazy

On his trips, like when he get deployed longer than a couple of months, he brings back sand for you from the places he’s been and you have a small shelf full of small files of the sand (unlabeled btw, you just know which is which)

tries not to get angry or lash out or get like, cold or distant with you bc he really cares he’s just scared of fucking up and you leaving once you see how broken he is

Does all those horrible jokes, his voice is slow and gruff and just- gravelly? Like, he talks like the Grimm reaper himself and makes a yo mama joke

Doesn’t know how to ask for attention so he’ll come up behind you and tug a strand of your hair or nudge you- shit he’s thrown pillows at you then stares at you with a straight face “cuddles.”

“Not arguing with a dude with big brown eyes. Like, whatever you say beautiful”

he loves eye contact wen talking about serious shit- like, complimenting you, or saying i love you, he wants you to look him in the face and understand how much he means it….yet you turn into a blushing stuttering mess when he does, and he laughs to himself ^4

Stares at ‘settings’ on his phone to avoid social situations. Argue with the wall.

in the thickest, most unintelligible, uninterpretable British accent possible “YA KNO’ WHAT YOU DIR’Y ‘ITTLE CUNT—”

Incoherent British slang, colonizer alphabet soup if you will.

plays hello kitty island adventure or cooking mama un-ironically

Can’t spell “gynecologist” (geneycologist/ gin-i-colo-gist) or “bologna” (balaonie/ balony)

If there’s ever a baby in the store or something, and the baby is staring at him, he’ll make funny faces (mainly cross his eyes and makes small sounds)

doesn’t think he’ll be a good dad, but still thinks about it- believes he’s not good enough for a family ^5

Anywho continue onto part 2 here for spic stuff you perv >:3

[malwaredykes]

I'm so curious to know what your favorite dlc is! And if it's Old World Blues(mine too) then what's your second favorite?

AND which dlc would be Leigh's favorite experience?

i actually picked up honest hearts as the beginning of my Refreshing My Memories Of The DLCs campaign, as its been a hot minute since i last went through them.

But, yeah, old world blues is my favorite! its got its highs and lows, and for sure the quests arent The most fun, but i think its just overall really charming. sure, tonally its a bizarre addition, but thats what makes it work.

i REALLY dont like the dlcs overall though asjkhkjfhsdkj. ive complained before about what the addition of ulysses' plotline does to the games story, which is to say it cheapens it A LOT through unnecessary contrived backstory. ive also complained before about ulysses himself being suuuuch a deeply insufferable instance of Chris Avellone Character which is a shame because he couldve been awesome. i rly dig the whole "many couriers in the mojave are caesar's spies" and as far as ~legion-sympathetic companions~ go i think "ex-legion guy with a long complicated history with caesar, whos disillusioned with pretty much every existing faction, and whos just kinda weird and with experiences far removed from yours" would probably be the best way to do it. i also think jotchua graham cracker is kind of... i dont wanna say a complete disappointment because i Dont mind him being a mormon who went on to be caesar's legate and who then Found Jesus Again, i think thats kind of great and hilarious actually. obviously the way honest hearts frames it is aaaawful but the "mormon -> Outright Genocidal Fascist Leading An Imperial Campaign As In Literally Building An Empire -> born again christian who thinks hes saving everyone around him with his faith in his lord jesus christ may he save you as he saved josh" pipeline kind of rules like. yeah lmao. but aside from that as The Burned Man i just donnnnt like what hes got going on. like first of all thats not really how burn scars work. id get into more detail here wrt post-healing discomfort and scar compression but Anyway. hes just. not what i expected from a guy who got set on fire and then fell down a canyon lmao. he should be Wrecked. the explanation of how he survived is such a cop-out too and honestly the line about surviving because the fire within him etc fully deserves to be on etsy products because it absolutely is some This Is My Fight Song bullshit like its such a meme. idk. the lack of physically disabled characters in fallout has always bothered me a lot, and in this case, like, yeah the scars are disabling, he is disabled, but youd think the Falling Down A Canyon part wouldve permanently affected him too.

ANYWAY enough about that. my second favorite, if one can say that, is dead money. the characters are very likeable... the dlc itself is kind of hellish though. like its just Not Fun. but we get to meet veronica's ex gf AND dean domino and dog/god are awesome.

and as for which one leigh has the most fun in i have to say honest hearts purely because it takes part somewhere really nice. like shes loving the place She Really Needed This. whereas the other dlcs are kind of

[anothersmilingcrittersau]

Ok I think tumblr is eating my asks- BRO WHAT WHY AMNZBXGDEYUWMZN Either you havent seen the notes I sent u or Tumblr ate them so in teh first case take your sweet time its 100% otay but in the SECOND CASE then just tell meh if you saw them or not ill send u the notes any otehr way so in the MEANTIME: Yall know what TIME IT ISSS!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ *RIGHT long one w/Eleanore and the Bubbaverse YIPPIE!!*

*LMAO Imagine if the Bubbaverse played like complicated monopoly or smth and they had to ring up Eleanore to clarify teh rules bc they forgot teh rule book* Badass: "Step into teh courthouse BITCH!" Eleanore: "*Inside "courthouse" and standing like on a pedestal* *through laughter* What is-WHAT IS GOING ON YALL JUST SAID YOU NEEDED MY HELP" OG Bubba: "Right so I failed my task MISERABLY-" Eleanore: "Realy?" OG Bubba: "YEah thanks to THIS DOOFES *points at Badass* I failed it like MINUTE ONE and I cant remember what the game decides on re-rolling soo.." Eleanore: "Right- ok- you cant- So theres a difference between "failed" and "havent done yet" OG Bubba:"But I have failed my task miserably-" Eleanore: "Then you CANNOT RE-ROLL *knocks down makeshift javel and like the backround goes black and only his outline can be seen for a moment and his eyes glow white or some shit*" Dumba: "well he-JESUS CHRIST" Eleanore: "*suprised at his own ability to be DRAMATIC* WHATTTT" Clay: "through laughter That was REALLY SERIOUS!" Eleanore: "THAT WAS SO DRAMATIC! I LAYED DOWN THE👏 RULES IN THIS GAME!" (Based on that one Secret Life episode fro YT) if Tumblr eats this istg-

LDFGNLSKDG-- YESSSSS

I love this. and I *have* been seeing them, I've been meaning to draw a few of them but crk is taking up my entire frontal lobe atm(fnaf reference???) but yeah- I'll be drawing some of the things you sent :]

[murdleandmarot]

Hi hello to you! For the ask game(s), 2, 6, 10 and 14? And 🖐️🐌🎭 (for bluebelle, I'm not aware if you have other ocs :0)

YAYYAYAYAYAYAY MORE BLUEBELLE ASKS!!!!!!!

Hi hello!!!! Thank you so much!!! Ooo these ones are making me think……

2. She is 1000% down to do whatever shenanigans of the week the rest of the gang is up to. When I think of this, I’m mostly picturing her with other OCs, but in general, if it’s her friends, and she’s comfortable enough, though she’s not as loud with her ideas, she will 100% help you rob a bank.

6. It definitely depends on the situation. She doesn’t encounter many situations that go against her moral code, but if she did, it wouldn’t take much more than a threat against her or the people that she loves. Bluebelle will stick to her morals, but she is not willing to risk injury or harm to her friends, or to herself, though the latter of the two depends on the situation, and how bad morally the action is.

10. Bluebelle’s backstory is already pretty much a fairytale au, but that’s still a go to, but outside of that is a detective sitcom with the rest of the gang. And this is not because I’m watching Psych for the first time what do you mean.

By Detective sitcom I mean anything from Murders She Wrote to Scooby Doo. Just her and her friends investigating spooky situations. It’s so so fun.

Bluebelle would be the quiet type best for gathering intel undercover, as a security guard or something, mostly where her job would be snooping around. She would NOT be good at talking to suspects or witnesses. She could just if push came to shove, but it’s just not her forte.

14. Bluebelle just really, really wants to be loved and trusted. Victoria is her person, so she really, really cares what she thinks. Misto and Plato definitely less so, but only by a slim margin. Bluebelle cares so so much for her people, and wants them to do the same for her

I’ll do the silly emojis under the cut bc whew this got long :DD

I already did the handshake one :)))

🐌: this snail is now her new best friend. She will not go anywhere without this snail. Bluebelle has been trusted with this snail’s life and she will NOT fail.

🎭: Probably Mary from JCS(Jesus Christ superstar).

Woah…another alw musical…..is it too late to say I’m sensing a pattern….

I think she’d really relate to I Don’t Know How To Love Him, and probably have a pretty easy time dipping into those complicated and upsetting feelings you have to be in to sing that song, (I am calling myself out 100%).

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Doctor Who, but Chronologically 30

Okay OKAY so we have just watched the Christmas Armistice of 1914, but now we move on to one of my favourite episodes of ALL TIME. In fact, full disclosure, this is one of my favourite TV episodes of anything ever. This is one of my go-to options for comfort TV. If I’m ill and sad and cwtched up on the sofa, this is in the Emergency Elanor First Aid Kit. I love it. I love it so much that I will not be quoting any of it, because if I do, I will be posting the whole script. You cannot imagine the extent to which I had to sit on my hands so I wouldn’t do a full episode review accidentally.

It is 1926, my friends, and this is the Unicorn and the Wasp.

Tennant and Donna are back!!!! DREAM TEAM. We haven’t seen them since they were running around Pompei in episode one, my lord that was a while back now. And Jesus, what a return to quality. The companions have been failing the Sexy Lamp Test for so long. The only break was Martha in the Human Nature two-parter, and that was an emotional wringer. But here!!! Donna!!! You could NEVER replace her with a sexy lamp. She is 1000% the co-protagonist. She and Tennant are best friends and they love each other intensely and platonically and they travel through time and SOLVE CRIME while being, at all moments and seconds of every single scene, two halves of a whole idiot, and it is joyful and wonderful and amazing.

Okay okay so

They land in a country manor in England, a part expertly played by Llansannor Court in Wales if I’m not much mistaken, and the interiors are 1000% Tredegar House because I know my Welsh country manors. The Doctor and Donna get ludicrously excited about going to a garden party in 1926, all giggly. They even go and get dressed up, by which I mean Donna does – she exits the TARDIS and gives a twirl.

“What do you think?” she teases. “Flapper, or slapper?”

“Flapper, definitely,” the Doctor beams. “You look lovely.”

… I am having violent flashbacks to Capaldi calling Clara ugly.

Anyway they meet Agatha Christie in time for an honest-to-god murder mystery. It’s fucking phenomenal. It’s silly and camp and the murderer is a giant wasp, except in true Agatha Christie style, there’s a complicated twist involving a secret pregnancy, an expensive gem, the hot young woman (played by her from Rogue One) actually being an accomplished jewel thief impersonating a socialite, and a prodigal reverend. One of these people is the aforementioned giant wasp, except the joyful sci-fi plot is really running around a playground with a balloon and giggling, so it has been primed to kill people in libraries with lead piping like a Cluedo game.

I literally cannot list every moment I love. It’s just too many. So I shall try to name check some top moments:

“MAIDEN”

“It was a good once”

“I am Inspector Smith from Scotland Yard, and Miss Noble is the plucky young girl who helps me”

“Copyright Donna Noble”

“Major snap out of it. No, right out of it –“

“HOW IS HARVEY WALLBANGER ONE WORD”

The ENITRE reveal scene holy shit

“Ah, let’s see, it’s filed under C” *box contains a Cyberman part, a Carrionite egg, a bust of Caesar, and cables*

Fuck. I just. *clenches fist* I love this episode so damn much

Okay so plot threads. Well! No new info about Donna’s back, unfortunately, so nothing to tick off there. Only, as ever, things to add. There’s a scene where Donna is comforting Agatha (and finding vital clues), and she explains that her last partner ran off with a giant spider. That’s a hell of a thing. Oh, also Donna made her second reference to bees disappearing. But that’s it.

Fuck me but I would burn so much Capaldi for so much more Tennant/Donna.

Anyway the list of plot threads is now going under a read more, Christ on wheels

“She” (an unknown person) is returning (perhaps River returned as Missy. Maybe Me? Maybe Clara???!)

There is something on Donna’s back

An entire planet, Pyrovilia, just… disappeared, somehow. (Maybe because the TARDIS is exploding??? Saturnine was also lost, and that WAS because of the TARDIS exploding. The lion man’s planet was also lost but he was a bit of a knob about it if I’m honest.)

Amy is maybe dead (she’s not)

The Doctor has been cubed (he’s out, but how?)

River is possibly blown up  (unless she’s Missy)

The TARDIS has blown up  (It’s fine now. Except it’s sort of melting now because it’s corrupted, but it’s fine again)

The universe appears to have ended  (the universe is back again)

The Doctor has employed(?) Nardole

(And Nardole was “reassembled???” Nardole had glass nipples and invisible hair?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE)

There’s a vault in the TARDIS and it contains Missy but we don’t know why (sometimes she knocks for the bants)

What has happened to all these companions and where are the new ones coming from?

There’s an immortal Viking girl now. Her name is Me and she’s now looking after the people the Doctor abandons

What’s With The Silence?

Why was Rory entirely unconcerned by the entire world suddenly going silent when that is Not Normal and should have been, at the very least, extremely disconcerting?

What did the Doctor do to Queen Lizzie One?

Who is Captain Jack Harkness? (Is he the one who gave the companions a warning about the lone cyberman?)

Why is Amy seeing a one-eyed woman in a vanishing window?

What’s with the Doctor’s future involving getting shot by an astronaut?

Is Amy pregnant and why is it inconclusive?

Who is Sarah-Jane Smith?

How is the Doctor Bill’s teacher and why/where does he have an office?

What is going on with the Cyber War and the Cyberium???

Who did the Doctor lose to Cyber Conversion?

What happened with the Other Cyber War?

What happened with the Third War that deleted the void?

Why does Rose seem particularly important?

What’s with the Weeping Angel statues, and why can’t you blink at them?

What order do these Doctors go in? (Eccleston, Tennant, uncertain, Smith, Capaldi, Whittaker)

Which companion just… forgot the Doctor, and how?

Yaz and Vinder are about to die as Mori/Mwri/Muuri

There is a Lupari shield around Earth.

What’s a Time War?

What’s the Rift?

What’s Bad Wolf?

What happened with Amy’s pregnancy?

In which war did the Doctor become a war criminal, and how?

Who is the Master?

Why has Amy forgotten Rory?

Is Rory plastic or not?

Why is the Doctor sulking on a cloud?

How exactly does the Doctor have a cloud?

What exactly happened with Strax to, uh, tame him?

Which friend killed Strax?

Which friend brought Strax back?

Where did this lesbian lizard and human couple come from?

What happened with Clara as Souffle Girl and the Daleks?

How does Clara actually join?

Why so many Claras?

Why is Missy apparently in robo-heaven?

Why is probably!Missy pushing Clara and the Doctor together?

What is Trensilor and what happened there?

Who is Handles?

The Doctor is about to be dissolved by a beautiful geode man

The universe is being crushed by the Flux

Will the Doctor open the fobwatch?

Sontarans are invading Earth again

Who is Kate?

Who is Osgood? Another name of Clara’s again?

The fuck is the deal with the Grand Serpent

Does Martha get to go to an ice cream planet with 12-fingered massage aliens?

How did the Doctor forget Clara?

Who is Bill’s puddle girlfriend Heather?

How did Nardole die?

When does Bill get Cyberman-ed and die?

When does the Doctor shrink and enter a Dalek called Rusty?

Whittaker is falling to her death rn

Was that ring relevant?

Does anyone know the Doctor’s name?

When did Yaz talk to Dan about fancying the Doctor?

When did Dan talk to the Doctor about fancying Yaz?

Who was the Doctor’s wife?

What's happening with the bees?

What happened with Donna's ex and a giant spider?

[ninjagirlstar5]

You've seen me ramble about the problems with Kanade and Chapter 3, so you know how I feel. It really does feel like LINUJ went for pure shock value instead of anything narratively satisfying. I like your take on the idea, where instead of just the shock and horror, there's actual purpose and character behind it.

The twins do really seem like they would be a great cautionary tale of mutual toxicity and obsession, and I like the idea of them reuniting only because there were people in need during The Tragedy.

And I admit I'm biased, but I'm always happy to see more stories where Hibiki actually survives ^^

OH yeah, I have. I've read most (if not all) of those asks on the ASOOT blog as they were coming out and it made me realize how bad SDRA2's Chapter 3 is. And when I actually sat down to play the game myself with my friend, I went from knowing that Chapter 3 is bad to actually experiencing how bad it was for myself. Like, it went from, "Oh, it's kinda okay so far, but I know the shoe is gonna drop at some point-" to "OH WOW, it really IS that bad, dear lord." Like, Jesus Christ, this chapter was...a lot and yet full of nothing at the same time beyond just shock value. It's not as if the whole serial killer thing couldn't have worked, the problem is that all the people that's closely connected to the case gets axed all in one go, and it's kinda just...never brought up again. Like, come on. If you're going to go THAT far, at least give it SOME kind of importance to a character connected to this shitshow, like Hibiki. Who got killed off alongside Kanade. Like, thanks, I hate it. There's so many things wrong with Chapter 3 and how Kanade was handled that the best thing to do for both is to just rewrite it all from the ground up. So when my brain started giving me ideas on how it could be rewritten, I decided I needed to get it out of my system and tried to approach it in a more human and complicated way than something as twistedly evil to the point of shock value. Kanade is at least more pitiable here since you can actually understand her on SOME level but never excuse her actions as she's still toxic in her right towards Hibiki (who's also toxic to her in return). She's just not being a serial killer about it.

AND YEAH, that's pretty much what I was going for for them. I wanted to keep the nuances of their relationship on how they're mutually toxic to one another since that's very interesting to see. There's no such thing as a "perfect" victim, as there are many that have done messed up things in response to what they've been put through but still desperately needing help or even an intervention from a reasonable authority figure, and Hibiki and Kanade could've been great examples of that. But one actively chooses to change while the other doesn't...at least in one of the interpretations of how their rewritten relationship could end as would be revealed in the Chapter 6 version of this. Ngl, I wasn't sure which interpretation I liked more as I can see both versions happening, with Kanade and Hibiki coming back together through the Tragedy as some events are able to give people an opportunity to bond and mend what's broken back together again, while other times not even a world-wide disaster will get someone to change and things remain broken due to one side having an unwillingness to hold themselves accountable for their own actions. Both are feasible in this rewritten version and I decided to let this be something for other people to decide for themselves on whether or not Kanade and Hibiki can mend their relationship after being separated for so long and if the Tragedy can bring them back together through their charity events. After all, some people have their limits and Kanade still did a lot of horrible things to other people, so it really depends on whether or not you'd believe it'd possible for them to repair their relationship, even after so many years of not talking to one another. A possible rebuilt of their relationship that unfortunately gets nipped in the bud thanks to Mikado's killing game reverting them back to a state where their old toxic behavior was at it's peak, and one of them ending up killing and getting executed because of it. Either way, we could've had doomed siblings instead of...whatever the fuck canon is.

And trust me, me and my friend are right with you on that. We really wished Hibiki had survived and complain about it every now and then whenever we bring up Kanade and Chapter 3. It's just...such a waste to kill her off like that. My girl deserved better.

[kanraandchrome]

Opinion on the LIs of MCL New Gen

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT RED SHADOW LEGEND. Anyways, here are my two cents about the characters, their designs and hopes I have for their routes.

Devon

I really love his eyes full of wonders, since you have to be extrovert and always searching for new ideas when you work in event management (how to market it, how to please both the clients and the people you're going to source the project to, finding catchy sentences or downright awful puns) but I love his hands even more, the way the interior is lighter, his long fingers, it reminds me of Mahershala Ali's hands and I hope he was one of the models to create the character. His hair are also a nice touch, especially the colors blending ! Seeing him in bright colors is refreshing, he seems fun and full of peps ! Sure black clothes give a more classy vibe, but we're managing events not burials. And do you even know how bright are the colors of some African clothes (search for dashikis, they are amazing and bright and joyful and...) ? I'm overall really happy to see a black man not bald nor fully dressed in black because god forbid they wear colors.

I'm hoping for a route like Rayan's, with a bit of conflict because dating your boss can lead to a lot of inequalities and risks for the low-rank involved, but I'm pretty sure we won't get a lot of dramas this season (apart coming from players who are so chronically online they can't not play a game that will make them miserable but that's another issue). I think he might have an ex ? Or past relationships that failed because his balance between work and personal life is bad ? Maybe Candy and her freshness/ability to surprise him and take him out to touch grass will be the balance he needs ? Honestly I'm hoping for praises from him, awful puns, dad jokes and a lot of complicity.

Roy

Oh, is he gonna be the Castiel of the game, but more chill ? People seem to love him a lot already and I can't fault them, he's handsome, looks nice and has tattoos (you can see it on his right shoulder, the black strip). His long hair looks very nice to braid, and I can just picture him as the outdoor guy, the one who always want to see the places the events are gonna take place since he's probably very good with spatial thinking !

He looks a bit "bland" at first sight, but I'm sure he'll show another side, probably more caring once he notices MC is not here to only get in his pants. He looks like he'd listen to any rant without taking side and just feed you until the anger dies down. Himbo maybe ? We'll see ! But he looks like the most gentlemanly of them all and I'm sure he'll be the one to ask Candy out first, probably after a date to the beach or so. Dake style but less flirty ? he's my least liked LI so I have a hard time thinking about possibilities about him.

Amanda

Oooooh she looks like a Targaryan !! Joke aside, she looks preppy enough and is probably the most down to earth of them all (and not just because she's a Taurus). I'm thinking that maybe, she'll get Yeleen's kind of personality ? The fair but harsh one ? She'll get the job done for sure, and the color palette is really soft and fashionable. Having a plus size LI is already a remarkable step forward, but making her so pretty AND dateable ? Now that's improvement.

And I can already picture people saying "they'll ruin the wlw romance like they did with Priya" but Jesus Christ and all his Apostles combined, didn't you notice Chino wasn't the one managing it ? That all the mistakes you blame on her are actually Uncoven's creators' mistakes ? That they sabotaged everything (MCL, Elda S2) just because they were so woke and so enlightened ?? Now that they're out of it, I'm pretty sure we'll finally have nice things, and without misandry nor biphobia. I'm hoping an enemies or rivals to lovers with her, just like I hoped one with Yeleen uwu.

Thomas

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HIM FROM THE START. Ok time to be serious, his design is really nice, the high cheekbones, the milky white skin, he lost his freckles but gained piercing eyes looking directly in your soul and his curls look so nice to ruffle. He has the most guarded pose out of the four and is skinny, which gives us two "no six pack abs" characters (thank Gods beemoov). I don't know if he still plays the guitar, but that could be one of his special interests along a lot of things we need to discover about him.

My guess is that, as we saw him being precocious, he's neuroD and will be the harshest without meaning harm. You ask him something and he answers the raw truth, which could give a very good dynamic depending on the Candy's personality, which could also give us an interesting dynamic when dating or falling in love ? Like not touching but hesitantly grabbing her sleeve between two fingers, or gifts, or stuttering, or all of the above. I just hope he's aloof enough for Candy to have to "run after him" (no harassment involved) just to show him she cares about him, and so he could open up at his own rhythm. A soft slowburn or an abrupt hook up ? I don't know, I hope he surprises me a lot !

[cant-get-no-worse]

So, I'm a relatively new FCB fan and I've been doing some research about why the club had a downfall. What I understood was that everything went to shit since Neymar left. Plus he didn't even have any legit reason to leave apart from more money being offered by PSG. People say he left because he was in "Messi's shadow" but that's not true. All I saw was love and appreciation for him by the fans and his fellow players. Especially Messi. He treated him with so much love and respect. Even now, after going through so much shit at PSG, Neymar doesn't seem to want to leave that club. In my opinion, he is one reason why Barcelona went downhill. The club spent so much money on his replacements which all ended in failure. I think if he hadn't left at that time, Barcelona would be in a relatively better place right now. Maybe I'm wrong but that's what I interpreted. Please correct me if I'm getting it wrong or if I missed some important thing amidst all of this. I have nothing against Neymar, he's a wonderful player, but I can't help but put a little blame on him.

Hii ! I love ranting about this stuff, so warning: long ass ramble, I'm putting it beneath.

I think it's fairly common for people to assume Neymar's departure in 2017 was the thing that started FCB "downfall" (which is a pretty dramatic term in of itself), because it's such a public move that made everyone talk. It's a transfer whose consequences on the market value of players and the way we appreciate those is still underappreciated; genuinely, that Neymar saga is mad, it changed everything (to me, for the worse). But the decline of FCB, the institution, began way earlier than 2017. 2017 is kind of, the first most visible consequence of every prior stuff.

Everything was a mess by 2006/2008, for the team & institutionally wise. It got better from 2008 - 2012, under Pep Guardiola (coach) & Laporta/Rosell (presidents, although both not v good men) & which is now commonly referred to as the "golden age" of FCB's recent History. Then, from 2012 on, everything kind of started to decline. It's not very visible since we won the treble in 2014-2015 (KING SHIT VISCA BARÇA VISCA CATALUNYA etc. etc.) , but already behind the scenes it was rocky as hell. Political stuff, power struggles within the board, etc. Even that 2014-2015 "golden" season was a mess, what with the breach of the Transfer Regulations (we couldn't sign players until 2016), firing of our sporting director, firing of medical/staff members, lies about state of finances, restriction of said finances, Messi/Enrique/Chelsea conflict, etc. That 2014-2015 team winning the Treble effectively masked to posterity & the general public how fucked up the club's politics were at that time. But on the long run, that bad gestion did end up affecting that team that arguably should've gone on to win way more in 2016 - 2017, what with the bunch of talents we had in hands.

Then there was the Neymar stuff in 2017, Iniesta leaving in 2018. Of course, by then the mess that was the cub began to reflect on our style of play; by 2017/2018 already we weren't playing as good as we had. There were moments of brilliance of course, games to remember, iconic ones, but still. It was already falling, there were ovious issues, weaknesses, boring times, some alarming performances. I think that 2018-2019 UCL campaign symbolizes everything that had changed since that 2015 UCL ; we didn't have a team, we had one guy, surrounded by too unstable performances from players around. As football proves times and times again, you can have the current best player in the world, if he's alone, you'll never win shit. You'll win games, not competitions. That's the beauty of the sport, you need a team, or you'll go nowhere. Ultimately that "downfall" confirmed itself by more harsh and evident results, with the 2019-2022 period being rock bottom. Jesus Christ that period.

As for that Neymar stuff: it's so real complicated. And not as black/white as it appears. As a FCB supporter, when he left, I despised his guts for a bunch of years, genuinely. Many still do, just look at the comments under the rumors of his comeback; large portion of culers don't want him there, because we really saw it as a treason. A guy who left for money and some more fame. I guess you can say the fact that most culers still haven't swallowed that pill six years later is a testament to how much we loved him.

First, let me state that it's fucking tragic, for him as for the club. He left at his prime and, arguably, wasted it at PSG (tell anyone from 2015 that Neymar Jr doesn't have a single Ballon d'Or to his name and they'll rightfully laugh at your face) ; while Barca drowned as well, failing to find a proper replacement (FCB players were upset with the board at that failure), as you said. Had he stayed, as Pep said, and had the club managed itself better (but that in itself prompts the argument of: could they really? After all the decline started in 2014?) we could've won at least one, if not two UCLs. Honestly, now that we can take a few steps back and reflect, it seems none of the parties (except PSG, who propelled itself forward on the European scene) benefited from that move. But in truth, there can be a million reasons he left. We don't know if it was a personnal initiative or one of his family. We don't know how the Remontada and the aftermath really affected this decision. We don't know if he's the one that wanted to step out of « Messi's shadow » or if his father/agent pushed him to. We don't know if it's because Barcelona rendered public some elements of his contract, effectively breaking the trust his side had towards the club. This mess is a mix of money, ego, power, ambition, personnal relationships, psychological stuff in the brain of a 25 years old and his surroundings, Barcelona being Messi's club (whether you want it or not, it has been true since 2009. Barcelona and Messi were (still remain) synonymous, and that in itself paused a problem later on), PR/image manipulation/communication, and background stuff we'll probably never know of/or much later. The guy even pushed to comeback to Barcelona a mere year or two later. The whole Messi part is a theater play in of itself, between a starstruck kid who went on to play with his idol, who became friends and formed the most successfull Trident of the decade with him, who upon each occasion praises him and rambles about their friendship/love for each other, yet leaves. I mean, the guy reportedly told others he was leaving the club on Messi's wedding, without telling Leo - if that doesn't indicates you how fucked up/messy it was in his own head, Jesus. And yet the friendship Neymar had with other FCB players showed through the very summer he left, what with them posting a pic together following the legal actions of FCB against him. So yeah.

I think part of why he stayed at PSG after they retained him from going back to Barcelona is because he's, like every great player, a winner, he wants to get everything, he genuinely wants to give Paris what he came to do, but also cause, in the long run, he's trapped himself there. The more time passed the more it became that kind of need: he wanted/needed his move to mean something, he wanted that UCL so he could feel like he didn't waste so much time and talent and prime there. All in all, it's a bit tragic, I could ramble about it for hours but I'm gonna cut it short now cause that's not your ask lmfao.

Conclusion to the essay: Neymar's transfer to PSG didn't start anything, rather was the consequence and the accelerator of a decline that began years prior in the institution's background. Hope it helped bring some elements to the table, anon! ❤️

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Trolls World Tour

So I'm learning more and more that the Trolls franchise is not what I was led to believe for such a long time now. Because I really did actually like the first one a good bit. So how does its sequel hold up? Well...

We once again follow Poppy and Branch, this time on a quest to stop Barb, the Queen of the Rock Trolls, from stealing the six strings that create all music types in the world of the Trolls (Rock, Pop, Funk, Classical, Techno, and Country). Barb's plan is to unite all Trolls under Rock exclusively, so its up to Poppy (who is struggling to learn what it means to be a good queen) and Branch (who's struggling to confess his feelings for Poppy) to save the day.

Yeah, pretty simple, very "questy" premise here, kinda feels like the structure of a video game in a weird way? Like our crew rolls into the various territories of the other Troll tribes and we get to see a little taste of who they are and how they live but none of it is really that in-depth, which is... fine, I guess, whatever. There are certainly some... interesting themes they're trying to get across here, like historical rivisionism and even overcoming racism??? I think?? But of course, because this is a kids movie, its all very simplified into "we're all different and that's ok!" because well, they're not gonna make it that complicated for the little kiddo brains this is clearly targeted for.

As a result, we get a much simpler movie than even the last one, which was already pretty simple. The characters from last time around are all pretty much the same as before, Poppy is still upbeat and eternally positive (though her arc here is pretty satisfying of her learning to listen to others and that she doesn't know best all the time), Branch is still The Best Character in this goddamn franchise, the side characters are all just... there. And as for our new characters, none of them really stood out that much except for Barb. She's a pretty fun villain! Very punk rocker, very sassy and sharp, and she even gets a few good moments to give her depth by the end and make you ok with her eventual redemption. She's cool.

The music is a little more varried this time around too, because well, it has to be given this movie's premise. So we get some tastes of country and funk and rock alongside the usual pop, which is still the most prominent genre for sure. There are even hints of classical, raggae, even goddamn k-pop because lord. Though I will admit, when they started singing Gangnam Style I think I lost about three years off my life jesus christ.

The visuals are just as lovely as the last though, dedicating itself to an even more arst and crafts asthetic than the last. The homes of all of the other types of trolls are really fun and varied and fit nicely with the style of music they're trying to embrace. There's nothing too fantastic going on here with the animation, but its still very nice to look at all the same.

So yeah, Trolls World Tour is... fine. It's perfectly watchable, just like its predecessor was. I would dare to call it mid, which explains the score I give it below, I guess. It just... exists. And that's all I can really say about it.

Overall Rating: 5/10

Verdict: WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TWO ALL MOVIE?!?!?!?!

Previous Review (Abominable)

Next Review (The Croods: A New Age)

[whatharrysang]

Harry Styles & time

Harry Styles

Sign Of The Times - It's a sign of the times 

Sign Of The Times - Have the time of your life 

Only Angel - End up meeting in the hallway every single time

Fine Line

Canyon Moon - A time under the canyon moon 

Treat People With Kindness - All we ever want is automatic all the time 

Treat People With Kindness - Maybe (all together now) we can (one more time) 

Harry's House

Music for a Sushi Restaurant - Late night, game time 

Daylight - Daylight, you got me callin' at all times (ooh) 

Daylight - You ain't got time for me right now 

Matilda - You're just in time, make your tea and your toast 

Matilda - I don't believe that time will change your mind 

Cinema - I guess we're in time 

Cinema - You all the time (time, time) 

Love of My Life - But it's on all the time 

Love of My Life - I take you with me every time I go away

Songs Harry wrote for other artists

I love you - Every time I try to fight it, everything just turns out wrong 

Changes - Gettin' drunk with their friends for the first time Changes - Watchin' daytime TV 

Changes - Gettin' drunk with my friends for the first time 

Someday - It's been such a long time

One Direction Songs Harry wrote on

Everything About You - I still feel it every time 

Same Mistakes - Think that we got more time 

Back for You - But every time you wake up 

Back for You - And every time we both touch I only want more 

Summer Love - Had the best time, and now it's the worst time 

Summer Love - Make the last time just like the first time 

Still the One - But I remember all the times and all the words we said, yeah 

Irresistible - Midnight ain't no time for laughing 

Story Of My Life - And time... is frozen (the story of, the story of) 

Story Of My Life - And I'll be waiting for this time to come around 

Where Do Broken Hearts Go? - Yeah, it took me some time but I figured out 

Fool's Gold - Oh, every time 

Change Your Ticket - We've still got time left 

Change Your Ticket - Why don't we take some time? 

Change Your Ticket - Why don't we take just a little more time? 

Perfect - Or the arms that hold you any time you want them 

Perfect - 'Cause I can be the one you love from time to time 

Perfect - And if you like cameras flashing every time we go out oh yeah 

If I Could Fly - Know that I'm just wasting time 

Olivia - And time is irrelevant when I've not been seeing you 

Walking In The Wind - We had some good times, didn't we? 

Walking In The Wind - Any time you're needing me 

A.M. - Break these clocks, forget about time 

A.M. - Remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?

Unreleased Songs

5280 Miles - And you've done the same for me a thousand times 

Already Home - The last time we met, I can’t forget what we parted ways with 

Baby Honey - And I swear that I'm not thinkin' 'bout you all the time 

By Your Side - If we're running out of time baby,

Coco - Are a moment that’s stuck in time 

Complicated Freak - Turned up too late one too many times 

Endlessly - But every time I got up and I walked on

Half the World Away - 'Cause there's a time, there's a place 

Half the World Away - There's a time, there's a place 

Him - It breaks my heart evеry time 

Him - I still think about you all the time 

I Just Wanna Love You - A week ago you said to me: "We've started running out of time" 

Jesus Christ, Happy New Year - You’ve been having the time of your life 

Lay Down - We were never meant to make it this time 

Lay Down - But we need a little time alone 

Oh Anna - Every time I see your face 

Part of Me - Spending money all the time 

Part of Me - But you’ve been told too many times 

Part of Me - So can we just go back in time 

Pick You Up - Last Time I Saw You 

Something I’ve Been Waiting For - I’ve been here for years wasting love, wasting time

Spanish Girl - Take your time, hurry up, falling, falling in love, 

Too Much Sauce - I'm a good time, make you feel alright 

Too Much Sauce - I'm a good time, we can fly some place Too Much Sauce - I'm a simple boy, but I'm a good time sally 

Too Much Sauce - Have a good time, make you feel alright 

Too Much Sauce - 'Cause I'm a good time, make you feel alright 

Too Much Sauce - (I'm a good time) 

Too Much Sauce - (Good time, make you feel alright, keep you up all night, you'll never want it back) 

Trouble - I still taste the time we kissed 

Trouble - I think of you all the time 

Without You - Each time with different meaning 

Without You - I know we’ll move on as time carries on