#jesus CHRIST thats so many tags please enjoy
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Not to vent but but really fucking tired of my enablers acting like they’re the fucking victim and I’m really tired of people dming me on Instagram playing the victim and I’m REALLY really tired of just all of this I’m fucking general
I didn’t call out my abuser for anyone but myself oh my god. Oh my god this isn’t about you I waited so long for this cathartism. I was pushed to suicide by this fucking man who had the audacity to tell me he didn’t give a shit. I had my dignity and independence stripped of me. I lost fucking everything I had I didn’t call him out so you could gossip about me being or play the victim in a situation that isn’t about you
The audacity to tell me I’m too harsh. That I shouldn’t be mad at the people who helped him cheat or abuse me. Fuck off. Fuck all of you for assuming you know anything about firsthand what I went through because I can assure you my entire abuse experience isn’t in a single google doc
#vent#abuse#suicide#tw tags<#jesus fucking christ#sorry for venting but im genuinly so sick and tired of this#if you wanna be a coward and not tell me what you have to say to my face whatever#i get people mightve had toxic experiences wirh him ok thats fine i understand#but he... emotional verbally and sexualky abused me he sexually assaulted me he tore down whatever i had left#and he ENJOYED it. he did it for amusememt. i was his fucking toy#you were someone he talked to a couple times a week#a toxic experience isnt the same an abusive i understand its fucking shitty but please#so many people keep making my abuse story about them and its almost heartbreaking#I DID THIS FOR ME THIS IS FOR MY FREEDOME AND MY VOICE#if u cant tell am not doing well💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙i hate being alive
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hi!! i really loved your "being best friends with the inarizaki trio" and i was wondering if you could do a "being best friends with tanaka and nishinoya". thank you!!!!
— BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH TANAKA AND NISHINOYA
includes - nishinoya yuu and tanaka ryuunosuke
a/n - hi bub!! i’m so happy you liked my post about being bsfs w the inarizaki trio pls enjoy <33
google search bar: ‘define loud and annoying”
- a pic of your guys showed up <3
- jesus christ these boys are so protective over you it’s crazy
- 2 hype men for the price of 1
- sneaking out and getting food with them at 2am
- tutoring them so they can go to training camps
- YALL BITE EACH OTHER SO MUCH its basically yalls love language
- they literally start complaining if you don’t go to their games
- they always fight over who’s spare jersey you should wear
- one time you got a jersey that had ‘9′ on it because it was their numbers but added together but they misunderstood and thought you were supporting kageyama
- kageyama was so confused why his upperclassmen where glaring at him whenever he entered a room
- tanaka and noya forced kageyama to buy them meat buns after practice
- poor bby was so lost but he still did it anyways
- they think you look hot when you’re mad
- so. many. petnames.
- like at this point they don’t ever call you by your real name
- feeling insecure? sad? lonely? yeah not on their watch
- be prepared for cuddles, snacks and hugs galore
- if you’re crying they do 2 things:
1. threatens whoever or whatever made you cry no matter what is
2. hold you so tightly and declare their undying love for you and maybe a lil forehead kisses
- MOVIE NIGHTS EVERY WEEKEND
- scares you as much as they can because they love your reactions
- they take up 80% of your free time because they insist that you can’t handle being without them
- one time you cancelled on them to hang out with saeko for a girl’s day and 20 minutes into your shopping trip you saw them running straight towards you
- you tried to run away but you were outnumbered </3
- always sharing snacks at the back of the classroom
- they always tell you to stay away from other boys because they’re gross and don’t deserve you
- but if you do get a boyfriend, 9 times out of time, they would hate him
- to them, you’re their soulmate, bestfriend and everything in between
- and this musty boy thinks he’s good enough for you? no <3
- they’re the type of people to give backhanded compliments
- but they never take it too far because this is still the person you chose and they SOMETIMES respect that
- but if a miracle happens and they do actually like your partner then prepared to be teased 24/7 (as if you don’t already get teased)
- also for some reason if they ever post chaotic groups pics of you guys and they tag you? it’s not even in you, it’s on their buttcheek
- ceos of platonic flirting and i love yous
- at the end of the day, they are the most loyal, loving and supportive best friends you’ll ever have
- pls their comments on your ig posts *chefs kiss*
- its always them hyping you up
your comment section:
okay best friend, get it i guess
marry me??
please step on me i would do anything
LICK ME TEASE ME TOUCH ME FUCK ME
for any of the boys in this comment section. go choke they’re mine 😋
did you take my hoodie?
choke me
lol sit on my face
YEAH THATS MY BEST FRIEND YALL SUCK IT
gc name: soulmate shit *insert lip bite emoji* anyways this is a convo before a party
noya; hey hotties
tanaka; i just took a massive dump and i think i just lost 10 kilos
noya; what’s it like being a fucking idiot NOW WHERES MY BABY 😩🥰
tanaka; i thought i was your baby
noya; no ❤️
noya; babe
noya; my dear
noya; my love
noya; honey
noya; cupcake
noya; my sweet pea
noya; schnookums
tanaka; sweetheart please just answer
you; i have arisen from the dead
tanaka; lol same what are y’all wearing send pics
*the three of you guys send pics*
you; TWINS
noya; TWINS
tanaka; TWINS
noya; babe
you; yesss
noya; WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE LOOKING SO DAMN FINE ALL THE TIME
tanaka; she’s even wearing the necklace we got for their bday 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
you; you guys like or should i change??
tanaka; pump ya brakes do not change you’ll be doing everyone a favour by blessing them with your looks 😌😌
noya; bubs pls don’t. we get free drinks when you dress sexy 😾
you; i gotchu
tanaka; glad doing business with you 🤝
noya; we on our way now angel
you; okay see you soon bubba 🥰
noya; KENSKDKWHEIDNEOWJ
noya; okay see you
#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x you#haikyuu#haikyuu hcs#hq nishinoya#haikyuu!!#hq tanaka#hq x reader#nishinoya headcanons#nishinoya imagine#nishinoya x reader#nishinoya x you#nishinoya x y/n#nishinoya hcs#tanaka x reader#tanaka headcanons#tanaka imagine#tanaka x you#tanaka x y/n#tanaka hcs
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Hi Charly! Could you do a headcannon about Fred and his virgin girlfriend having sex for the first time? But she’s feeling self conscious because he’s more experienced and she’s worried about not being as good as his past partners not me projecting or anything 🙃
as a virgin who cant drive this request really resonates with me
welcome to the fred show pew pew
ill stop.
17+ IF YOU ARE TAGGED AND DON’T WANT TO BE TAGGED IN SMUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW
warnings:NSFW, vaginal penetration, loss of virginity, fingering
ok so
first i wanna get into fred before you came around
his sex life specifically
i think fred likes to have fun
nothing wrong with that
so yeah he's been around the block
a few times
so he knows what he's doing when it comes to sex
he takes pride in how good he is honestly
but i also think his first time wasn't all that
he probably lost his virginity rather young
14 maybe 15
the girl was 16 maybe 17
and he kind of pressured himself to lose his virginity after hearing his amazingly cool older brothers talking about 'this bird i shagged...'
it was bill
and fred loves bill
idolizes bill
so in his efforts to be just like him he had to lose his virginity
which he did
but he was beyond nervous and fidgety
he's almost certain the girl felt so bad she lied and said she finished when really he was in there for two minutes TOPS
but he got better over time
also he made sure that the person he was with finished first because he's still a little embarrassed abut that first time
george is the only person who knows about his first time, he didn't want anyone else to know
ESPECIALLY bill
anyway
so by the time you guys start dating fred is very experienced in the bedroom
you are not
you are a virgin
thats ok
😌
i feel like fred would just assume your not a virgin if you didn't tell him otherwise
because 1) you are drop dead gorgeous and could get it literally any time you wanted
and 2) he just assumes everyone does it unless told otherwise
you would be talking one day and somehow your first times would come up and fred would go beet red and admit how terrible it was for him
and then you'd kinda just 🙂
because you don't have a first time story
fred would not catch on at first
he would be very confused
then you'd go pink and come out with it
"...i'm a virgin, freddie."
he was honestly surprised
but once he noticed how genuinely uncomfortable you were admitting it, like it was something bad
he'd go into protective, comforting freddie mode
would go above and beyond to tell you that it wasn't a bad thing at ALL and he wishes he would've waited
and then he goes
"now that i know, i'm going to make sure your first time is amazing, love."
then he'd kinda just pause and go red again as he thought about what he said
"i mean, assuming you'd want your first time to be with me. totally cool if not, but i reckon that would be rather odd considering we are dating... unless you are breaking up with me...wait don't break up with me."
you'd just giggle and pull him into a kiss
"i want my first time to be with you, only you."
"i am so glad we are on the same page."
ok fred would go ALL OUT to make sure your first time was amazing
unforgettable
and you ARE finishing.
it would be over summer
you're staying at the burrow for the next month
and fred has it all planned out
you had told him you were ready a few weeks ago and he told you he wanted to surprise you for your first time
so you've just been waiting
he'd set up a cute little tent in the meadows of the burrow
string up some lights in the trees
plethora of blankets and pillows in said tent
wait i forgot their tents are like huge inside
aW WAIT IT WOULD BE LIKE A WHOLE CUTE LITTLE ROOM
STOP🥺
anyway
he'd have some food
some water
many condoms
he's so excited
oK so the sun would just be setting
and fred says he has something to show you outside
he also knows with a full house no one is going to come looking for you two, but just in case george knows the plan and is there for damage control just in case
so you go out with fred and hes practically skipping and hes all giggly
and you are starting to feel his giddiness so you guys are just this giggly mess together
then he gets to the spot
the sex tent
and it's beautiful
you are blown away
and he is just so happy seeing you happy
so you guys eat a little
talk
have some fun
he will feed you food to be romantic
you will get a grape dropped down your shirt
fun times all around
and then your eyes kinda lock
and his are all crinkly from laughing
his freckles just a bit more prominent in the summer season
you are suddenly hit with this intense feeling of love
how much you are in love with him
how much he's in love with you
and you're sure you've never been more ready than you are right now
fred is feeling floaty
you are looking at him with this look in your
and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy
he'd reach out to cup your cheek, his thumb gently running across your cheek bone
then he'd pull you closer and rest his forehead against yours
your nose would brush and he'd run the tip of his nose along your nose before placing a kiss on it 🥺
you push forward and capture his lips in a kiss
and its on.
he pulls you into his lap
you guys are in heavy a make out
his hands are on your ass
your hands are in his hair
then he pushes you closer with his hands on your butt
the feeling of his hardening cock in his trousers against your clothed clit has you shuddering because jesus christ almighty
you've never felt anything like that before
you whimper into his mouth and fred is sure he's died and gone to heaven
so he does it again
after a few more times youre moving your hips on your own accord
you'd never admit to him that you'd fantasized about this very moment
in this very position
but instead of him it was a pillow you were grinding against
anyway
you guys moved to the bed in the tent
fred pulls away and he's holding your face in his hands so gently and looking at you with so much love
"I need to know that you are completely certain that you want this. I need you to be absolutely sure, love."
"I want this. I want you."
there was no hesitation in your voice
so he'd slowly take off both your clothes making sure that at any given moment he's got more off then you to make sure you never feel uncomfortable or embarrassed
so like if you've got your shirt off, fred has his off two and is working on his pants THEN he'd move your pants
now you are in your bra and underwear
he's in his briefs
and he can't help but take you all in
your skin
your curves
each dip and line
everything about you is just so beautiful
and he's just barely touching you as he's dragging the back of his fingers down from your neck to your belly button just watching as your skin erupts in goosebumps
he's never seen anything so beautiful
i think it was in that moment that he knew, no matter what, he would always be in love with you
all of you
he looks for your approval before reaching behind you and unhooking your bra
when your bra comes off thats when you get the butterflies in your belly
and lets be honest
on the inside
fred's a mess
like he might get choked up
regardless
the tiddies are out
fred leans down and starts to place slow, loving, kisses across the skin of your chest and in the crook of your neck before trailing them down to your breasts
you let out a shaky breath as he takes your pebbled nipple into his mouth
his hand moving to tease the other one
he's sucking and licking the sensitive nub making you breathless
then he'd drag his tongue down to your belly button then just below it before sucking a hickey onto your hip
he'd KISS IT AFTERWARDS TOO 🥺
he'd look up at you silently asking if you were ok and if he could remove your panties
you nod
youre nervous and excited and just ready
so he pulls off your underwear
and suddenly you feel very naked
but you also feel more comfortable than you ever thought you would
because it's fred
and he's your best friend
and he's just so
comforting
and you'd trust him with your life
so its a positive experience
his brings his thumb to rub gently circles on your clit before running two fingers up your slit to collect your juices
you let out a breathy moan as he slides a single digit into your entrance
his head is resting on your thigh placing sweet kisses on the skin as he adds in a second finger
his other arm is hooked around the thigh that his head is resting against, with his hand falling just close enough to your cunt that he can rub slowly, tight circles on your clit
you cum pretty quickly from fred's intense, intimate fingering
and he makes sure to make a show of putting his fingers in his mouth moaning at the taste of your release
he moves up to your lips, pulling you into a kiss
and you can taste yourself on his tongue
and there is something so erotic about it
that has your pussy clenching
ok so he pulls off his boxers and you audibly gulp
he's
l a r g e
and he notices your apprehension
he doesn't want to lie and say its not going to hurt
because in all honesty it might hurt
fred presses a calming kiss to your forehead as he lines himself up with your entrance
"im going to go slow, alright. if at you want me to stop tell me, ok, bunny?"
"ok, i might be bad at this."
"never"
aND HE'D SAY IT WITH SUCH A SWEET SMILE AND THIS LOVING TONE
BECAUSE YOU COULD NEVER BE BAD AT ANYTHING EVER IN FRED'S EYES
ESPECIALLY THIS
BECAUSE HE THINKS YOU ARE LITERALLY PERFECT
AND HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH
anyway
it does hurt a bit
its uncomfortable
you do get a little teary because of the dull burn of the stretch
and fred's heart aches seeing the way your face screws up in discomfort
but after a few minutes
and a few kisses from fred
youre ready for him to start moving
he starts off slow
the pain is starting to dissipate
and it begins to feel really good
like really good
i forgot to mention it earlier but fred IS wearing a condom
back to the story
so pretty soon you guys are enjoying yourselves
fred is kissing on your neck and lips
youre tugging on his hair and letting out breathy moans and whimpers into his ear
you cum a second time before fred spills into the condom
he slowly pulls out
and the feeling of emptiness after he does so is your new least favorite feeling
you are just craving to be near him, to be impossibly close
he pulls you into his side and starts peppering kisses along your hairline
and his fingers are running up and down your back
and hes just holding you so tight
stop🥺
"i love you, bug."
"love y'too, freddie."
your slurred words made it lear to him that you were starting to fall asleep
you guys would have to wake up super early the next morning and sneak back into the house
and you'd both be super giggly and cuddly and just hanging off each other
fred wouldn't want to let you go and would pull you back into him every time you tried to leave and go into ginny's room (where you were staying)
aW then for the next few days you guys just cant keep your hands off each other
and you both are so in love
sHUT UP I LOVE FRED WEASLEY
tags:
@siriusement
@amourtentiaa
@lifeofkaze
@theorangedrummer
@erinruby003
@famdomhideout
@an2402lths
@escapingrealitybyreading
@readyg0erge
@maybesandohnos
@therealhouseelvesofhogwarts
@onlyfreds
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I didn't expect to get tagged but here we are. As you all will be able to tell in a bit, I am a massive Quackity fan
Thank you for tagging me @skeetlehands!
who is your favourite member on the smp?
Look, I love them all but these have a special place in my heart.
Quackity, Slimecicle (I am fully aware he just joined but I still love him), Schlatt, Tubbo, Eret, AweSamdude, and Ponk.
They're just great in and out of character and just have comforting vibes.
when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?
I gotten in during the Pogtopia era since it took me a while to get access to the streams.
I mainly gotten in with the Sad-ist War animatics along with me trying to catch up on Quackity's VODS. Just someone that I was already familiar with being an easier shift into story and learning others through him
what is your favourite part about watching the smp?
Just watching everyone interact with other and just seeing the plot progress in real time. Its literally just dnd but with extra steps but I enjoy it so much
The improv that they all do is amazing and how everyone have different approaches to their characters makes my writer's side so happy with dissecting everything.
What piece of cursed lore is your favourite
That Wilbur canonically fucked a fish and Philza canonically fucked a Samasung fridge and just seeing the fanbase try to change into something that will at least make a bit more sense.
Im included in this, I basically joined the side that has Sally being a mermaid shapeshifting pirate. Mainly because of pirate Fundy
Who is your favorite duo on the smp
Slimecicle and Ranboo: They're the same person but in different fonts, you can convince me otherwise
Schlatt and Quackity: They managed to be super funny together with all of the jokes and balanced with making a very realistic abusive relationship work. It was always fun seeing them flirt with each other for a joke then get hit with whiplash when canon comes in to remind me that this isnt healthy
Tubbo and Tommy: They're two dumbasses who share the same braincell but then they constantly lose it and Tubbo mainly has custody of it
Wilbur and Schlatt: I just enjoy seeing Schlatt messing with Wilbur and occasionally flirts with him to get Wilbur more pissed off
Who are your comfort streamers
Quackity and Slimecicle are comfort streamers
Eret, Fundy, and AweSamdude are my comfort people (meaning I dont watch them as much but I find comfort in their presence. And the other two are also under this category)
Who is your favorite character
Quackity due to how complex his character is and yet how it looks so simple
Schlatt because is just a villian who knows how to play the game without getting caught
Tubbo, watching him trying to be hopeful with everything destroy around him and he just slowly become used to everything going wrong
AweSamdude because he is just trying his best to be a father figure others and I just got family issues
Who do you think the best actor(s) on the smp
Imma skip over the ones that we all already said and get into the ones that dont get enough praise
Quackity: Just how he managed to make his character seem so basic but in reality its really complex. And just seeing the shift from him being a chaotic force of nature to being a serious character that is trying his best to reach something that has been hanging over his head is just *chefs kiss* and he always delivers amazing lines on the spot.
BadBoyHalo: He is doing great right now, even though he is a bit rusty with starting he still manages to get into character and stay in character the entire time. When slowly easing in, you can tell its a bit forced but once he finds his footing, he knows how to deliver his lines.
AweSamdude: His entire bit where he was getting rescued from the egg fucking hurt. How he sounded weak from the entire thing and tired to where he just wanted to rest was so well. And I know he can act more energetic when he was accidentally dragged into playing a cop during Quackity's and Bad's date
Fundy: You guys need to give him more praise for his acting because he is fucking amazing at it. The little touches to how he voice when speaks is so good along with his body language in game. He knows what he's fucking doing and I love him for that. And when he snapped, it made complete sense if you payed attention to his character
I didnt add Ranboo because he's automatically at the top section due to him being a dnd player. Same goes to Slimecicle even though he hasnt acted yet. I dont make the rules. You play dnd, you know how to act
What are your favorite quotes
I dont have favorite quotes, just dialog heavy scenes.
Before Doomsday, Quackity going to take his horse far away from L'Manberg, it being the one thing he cares about. It was just so good
The entire Schlatt and Quackity argument in front of the white house
The meeting between Schlatt and Quackity with Schlatt yelling out to him in a taunting way to where Tommy and Quackity are trying to figure out what happened to the tnt. I constantly rewatch it to feel the adrinaline pumping to feel something
Wilbur's slow descend into insanity and talking to Tommy. Just showing his paranoia and fears consuming him, him projecting his fears into Tommy as an attempt of manipulation, and his hero complex shift into villian one
Schlatt's winning speech of him projecting it as something that was bound to happen no matter what. The amount of charisma and confidence that was in his voice as I was watching Tommy hiding underground in fear was just a perfect scene
Tommy's argument with Dream when everyone is protecting Tommy. Its the small details of Tommy taunting Dream to kill him, knowing he wont no matter what. Him telling everyone to protect Tubbo and everyone listening without hesitation.
The debate that Quackity and Dream had for like 11 or 14 minutes. All of that was completely unprompted unscripted, it was just so satisfying seeing someone stand up against Dream for the first time and actually beating him. Sure it was in a verble conflict but it still counts as a defeat
Be honest, who do you simp for? (Ayo if anyone says Tommy or Tubbo I will🗡)
Schlatt, Quackity, and Slimecicle
Its pretty obvious, I dont really try to hide it
Whats your favorite stream
Uhhhh I dont exactly have one so none I guess
Whats your least favorite streams
Im sorry, but all of the Jackbox stream. You need a specific group of people to play together in order to actually make it funny and keeping the energy throughout the entire thing.
After a bit later, everyone has a tendency of pandering to the audience and repeat jokes. They managed to beat jokes to the ground faster than Tiktok AND Twitter.
Dont get me started with DreamTeam being in there. They're funny in thier own rights but the shipping jokes get so unfunny so quick and they dont know how bounce off of others well. The only exception to this is when Quackity, Velvet, and Ant were playing with Sapnap and Dream. And thats because they decided to mess with the straight white guys into accidently saying offensive shit and seeing those two suffer with trying tiptoe around was so amusing
Whats something about the smp fandom thay makes you sad
This doesnt get me sad, just frustrated and its mostly towards dsmptok and dsmptwt but sometimes this fandom doesnt fucking know how to analyze characters. Like when everyone jumped on Tubbo on being the bad guy when he was a kid trying to use old tatics that knows that worked before and stand up for himself
How when one person decides to do something that they believe is right, everyone just throws the term villian arc around
When one person does one good thing the suddenly everyone accepts into them being good and not ever looking into it.
For fucks sakes, I saw people keep saying that Quackity was turning into Dream or Wilbur and I just sat there being confused on how they conntected those dots that were in different books.
Its so frustrating to read through. But here on dsmpblr, you guys actually understand character analysis, are able to critique them and able to love whoever you enjoy.
Another thing is how this fanbase really puts everyone on a pedestal or objectify them. Just completely forgetting that they're human and treat the streamer as a character. Like, yeah they're playing up a persona whenever they're making content but theres a difference and you shouldn't hold them up like that.
You cant use the argument of "They're young, they dont know any better", when I first entered my first fandom (I was like 11/12), I fully understood that theres a boundary between me and the creator. What they are on screen is a persona but they're still human and I should treat them as such. Its just something that bugs me and its unnerving to see whenever people start getting wierd about it
Final bit is just how the twitch chat acts. They all force the streamer to follow the 'main' plot of it being Tommy or Techno or whoever the fandom chooses to have a favorite, completely ignoring the fact that they are their own character. No one wants to meta game because where is the fun in that but the fucking chat gets so annoying when the streamer goes against fanfavorite of the week. It drains the fun of it being multiple pov's and different characters.
When Slimecicle was barely starting stream I saw so many people spam "Go with Ranboo" and not let him even get into lore first. I hated that I knew it was coming but it was still so fucking frustrating seeing them try to boss him around. Please just let people live outside of the 'main' plot, not everything revolves around your favorites. Now shut the fuck up and let them play
What about the smp fandom that makes you happy?
The people that create art, animatics, theories, playlist, or write oneshots
All of you creators are great and deserve so much more respect then what the fandom gives you because jesus fucking christ they're all so fucking rude. You guys are the ones that are carrying this fandom on your backs and I fucking respect yall for that
________________
Time for da spead: @nixavia @dambette404 and @mocha-is-lost yall dont need to join.....unless😳😳😳
#this is long as hell#sorry#ALSO THANK YOU SKETTLE FOR TAGGING ME#I THOUGHT I WAS MOSTLY AN ANNOYANCE TO YOU FOR CONSTANTLY SENDING IN SOME LONG ASS ASK#dream smp#mcyt
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ralbert for the hc. . thinv. g
ok these are kinda all over the place????? like the ones where theyre not dating yet arent necessarily before the ones where they are dating. its just kinda. scattered. oops sorry
warnings: 100% swearing. if its ralbert you can basically guarantee that theres swearing
●ok so theres this period of time where nobody can tell whether al and race are dating or just doing bro things like they always do
▪probably bc these two have always been so physically affectionate???? there isnt really a noticeable change after they start dating▪until jack and finch see them making out against a wall and decide to just leave them be without making any noise▪but yeah thats 100% how the boys find out▪"you guys didn't know we were dating????"▪"no wtf you've always acted like a couple we just thought it was the typical Bro Behaviour" ▪they all bust out laughing at that one●race LOVES the snow which is 100% ironic bc he gets cold so easily (can you tell im trying to do as many snow hcs as possible)▪albert doesnt like the snow. he doesnt. understand. race. ESPECIALLY because race gets cold so easily▪"baby why dont you just come inside i can just make hot chocolate and we can binge watch hallmark christmas movies a month too early,,,,,,,"▪"nOo Oo al the snow is so pretty"▪"youre prettier"▪"nice try but im not coming in"▪"aw damn"●has race stolen albert's sweaters during the winter??????? Absolutely ▪has albert cared??? of course not. look at his boy. he looks fucking adorable. he cant take that sweater away from race even tho hes already stolen half the sweaters in al's closet▪one time race was half-asleep on the couch when al got home late from a graphic design workshop and he was in one of albert's sweaters▪al thought it was tje cutest thing hes ever seen▪he didnt want race falling asleep on the couch tho so he Scooped him up and put him down on their bed▪"youre so sweet albie,,,,,,,,, i love you"▪thats the first time either one of them has said i love you since they started dating?????? albert is Shook bc it feels so different now▪"love you too, racer"●these two 100% went through a taylor swift phase together and You Can't Change My Mind▪it includes the ones a lot of people know like shake it off, blank space, etc. but also so many other ones▪they have a whole ass taylor swift playlist but they never really delete it after they get past their phase???▪so al absolutely brings it back when race is going through a breakup▪so here they are. two teenage boys, singing/yelling along to taylor swift songs. ft. like 6 tubs of mint choco chip ice cream and 8 boxes of tissues▪race feels so much better afterwards????▪gives albo a lil kiss on the cheek ▪"thank you, albie"▪albert dasilva? blushing????? pshhhh. nahhh (read: absolutely 100%)●yall Best Believe race can bake like nobody's business and albert Lives For It bc he can barely bake a batch of cookies▪however, the only food race can cook w/o nearly burning something down is italian food▪so usually albert cooks▪but baking???? yall this boy CAN BAKE▪thats actually the reason albert starts falling in love w/ him LMAO ARE U REALLY SURPRISED▪literally theyre like 13 or 14 right? and race has baked a batch of brownies and albert is in HEAVEN when he tries one▪"i think im in love"▪"hahaha with me or the brownies?"▪".....the, uh,,,,, the brownies, duh"▪lol no its race AND the brownies but he doesnt totally know that yet●if youve read my more recent fics u might remember race's sisters▪if noT, he has 4 sisters ok. two older, two younger. he is the middle child. What A Life▪siblings from oldest to youngest: veronica, ilia, race, rosetta, elsie▪albert and race have been best friends since childhood so albert and race's sisters know each other really well. theyre all Pals▪literally???? race's sisters Love Him▪when they find out race likes albert they do not let it go. for a second. race is Actually terrified theyll expose him in fromt of albert one day▪best believe they go WILD when they find out race and al are finally dating ▪the first time albert comes over after theyre dating all 4 of race's sisters TACKLE HIM▪"HELLOOOO FUTURE BROTHER-IN-LAW"▪albert is so absolutely stunned afterwards and race is crying w/ laughter●these two swear. so much. its really funny yall▪once jack dared them to go a whole week without swearing and they didnt realise how hard it would be▪"albert you fu----- fabulous human being, you"▪"stop being such an a----- aDORABLE person, race, my heart cant handle it"▪its actually very wholesome but the week is hell for those two▪the next monday theyre both like "FUCK yes we can fucking swear again thank goodness"▪its a very swear-heavy week to make up for the last one. the boys are Really Amused●race is so full of energy all the time its actually kinda weird for albert to see him tired or drowsy before nighttime▪but he knows if he gives race any form of caffeine or sugar the boy will practically be bouncing off the walls▪so he chooses to enjoy his time w/ sleepy race while it lasts bc while its pretty unusual its also absolutely adorable▪race is even more cuddly than usual when hes tired/sleepy ngl and i mean,,,,,, albert isnt complaining▪al lives for the lil smile race has on his face when hes tired and albert has just kissed his forehead or something. its so cute he swears hes gonna explode●albert is Wonderful at poetry yall cant try me on this i will take it to my grave▪race has no idea about this until they have to write a poem for english▪very open-ended assignment. a poem of any style about anything you want to write about▪albert says his is about one of the best gifts hes ever received and it turns out▪the poem is abt race▪and its REALLY well written half the class is saying 'awwww' and the other half is near tears and smiling▪race is part of the other half. except he starts crying. did i mention hes emotional as hECK●shsjjfjgs amusement park dates▪these boys live for them (also i rlly just want an excuse to write about amusement park dates)▪kind of chaotic bc race bruises really easily AND hes really clumsy so if he and al have to part ways for a bit he might look like shit when they reconvene and albert is like "do i have to fight somebody or did you just do something dumb and get yourself hurt again"▪"........the latter"▪"jesus christ, race. youre such a disaster. but i love you"▪"love you too albieeeeee"
×××
sahjkhdks i love them so much. i think i got a bit carried away with all of these lmaooo so i hope you like them!!
-sanj 💕
tag list:
@but-let-us-seize-the-day
@one-candy-cane-please
@suddenly-im-respecsable
@intoomanyfandomstopickaname
@be-more-chill-evan-hansen
@aw-jus-let-em-try
@bencookisagod
@well-the-kids-do-too
@auspicioustarantula
@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn
@have-we-got-news-for-you
@not-a-scab
@newsiesgarbage
@pineappapizza
@andthewoildwillknow
@concrete--donuts
@stopthe-presses
@thomasbeingthomas
@i-love-loki-and-sherlock
@maxvanna
@spot-me50-papes
[if you want to be added to my tag list, please shoot me an ask or a message letting me know! i’d be happy to add you!]
#newsies#newsies live#newsies 1992#race higgins#racetrack higgins#albert dasilva#ralbert#sanj scribbles
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I am not my insecurities reflection- a truthful based oneshot
IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ
Ok, this will be a long author’s note but please bare with me as this is very important for you to understand this oneshot. For some context here because I havent posted alot about her yet, this is a oneshot about my Dc oc Gracie Lucio, set kinda in the same universe(i guess) of the teen titans judas contract movie( with Damian as robin) and its a oneshot written partly out of a vent of my own body image issues and partly out of an expression of how I’ve learned to look past said issues slowly.
But this gets very angsty until the end
Now to give a bit more context for the piece itself. The oc herself, Gracie Lucio( because I havent posted any art of her yet) for the reader’s understanding, she is not human, she is a werewolf(it feeds into her story so dont get me started on it alot of research went into this aspect of her character and it plays into her body issues)and body wise looks similar to Dick in the first season of Young Justice. Shes a naturally thin figured , broader shouldered girl who could( if she really wanted to) pass as a feminine boy with short jaw/ barely chin length hair( think of a thick messy longish pixie cut of dark hair). So shes naturally lean and lanky and a little underdeveloped for a 13 year old girl and as a heroine she has toned muscles from years of hero work. Most wouldnt see her having too many insecurities about her body image and appearance, but in truth shes riddled with them. She ages a bit differently than humans, it takes her body longer to develop and even then in some areas it develops differently all together. She struggles to gain any extra weight or build up natural feminine curves, something she wants. She WANTS to look like other girls her age, with more developed and heavier bodies, with curves and more weight and an actual figure. But with a supernaturally high metabolism added on top of a already genetic based thin figure and a intense and sometimes rigorous training and workout routine plus her work as a heroine gives no leeway to gain really any extra weight, its always worked off one way or another. And this causes...comments to be made about why she looks that way by civilians. and though she never shows it publicly she takes many of these, usually not flattering and sometimes cruel and rude, comments to heart(much like I used to unfortunately) and it worsens her negative feelings. This is a small story of her seeing those problems and issues and trying to face and overcome them. This is more centered around Gracie and Dick and Jason and their platonic and sibling like relationship as they help her through her darker times( again, this is partly me expressing my own personal struggles with body image (which arent the exact same as the character but the language and the comments are very similar)and partly how those two helped inspire me to have more confidence in my body no matter what I look like) and also a deeper peek into her complex relationship with Damian(but thats not the biggest focus) Sorry this was so long I mightve info-dumped a little but its important to understand the story. I hope you guys enjoy?
This is also told in Gracie’s point of view
This will cover some pretty deep kinda issues like body image problems and over eating and weight loss/gain and mentions of eating disorders without really discussing them and bullying so if that upsets you in any way now is the best time to scroll past for your own sake, I dont want you to upset yourself over my crappy emotional writing
I do not look that bad.
That’s what I have to force my mind to accept as I look into the mirror, meeting my own aqua green eyes hesitantly.
I always hated looking in the mirror lately, especially after training or after bathing, like now as I stood in the middle of my room in a slightly loose training type sports bra and spandex shorts. I don’t even want to glance down at my body, out of fear for seeing the same thing I always do.
‘She so skinny...is she eating right’
‘She needs to eat more and gain some weight’
‘what a twig for a superhero’
‘how have bad guys not snapped her in half? Jesus Christ I could probably break her with a sneeze!’
‘What a bad influence shes setting for young girls with such an thin figure!’
‘I think He needs to eat more Christ that poor boy must be starving! Why isn’t Nightwing feeding him more’
The flashes of comments flooded my mind the moment my eyes flickered down to the rest of me. To my thin, unfeminine figure. My underdeveloped and flat birdcage of a chest. To my lanky, toned, too flat stomach. The pinched waist figure. The flat empty expanse I called hips that blended too well into my too dainty looking bony legs. I looked too fucking skinny. And maybe they were right...as a hero I was a role model to those younger than me, and I promoted a Bad Body Image for girls to idolize with my lanky boy figure.
And it was a horrible body type I had no goddamn control over.
My species was not an easy one to live as, especially not intermingled with humans. The team knew, the team understood, but the rest of the world didn’t. As a lupinotuum pectinem, or lycanthrope which in easy translation is simply “Werewolf”, my whole body inner workings were different. Most of my kind were naturally lean and thin, like tall healthily thin model athlete body types and in general the females, even alpha females, were practically born twig like almost. And on top of that our bodies developed....differently. I was not raised by a pack or by my own kind after age 8, so even I didn’t know the full extent but females bodies took longer to grow and it made it very hard for them to gain weight because of the unnaturally high metabolism. Add being a superhero who once trained under a certain league member to the mix and you go from being the “healthy and admirable” type of skinny to the “unhealthy and concerning”type of skinny.
I hated it, and I hated my body. I hated pictures of me from the neck down, because they all looked the same no matter who they were with. And I saw the comments everyone made. Whether its a surprise photo Garfield took dragging me into the picture to commemorate something or another or me taking pictures around Gotham or Blüdhaven with Dick on the social media Gar helped me set up, or even the rare photos I’d get to take with Jason or Damian or Tim and get to post. Every time the flood of comments were the same. The same things I now repeated over and over as I looked over my body angrily.
OMG look at that poor girl is she ok??? She looks like she needs to be hospitalized!
Christ almighty BB isn’t it too early to be posing with skeletons?? LOL
Dude not funny that girl must be anorexic or something.
Such a cute sibling couple but sweetie you need a fast food break to add some fat to those bones!
Fuck kid go eat something instead of taking pictures
Awwww you two look real happy! I hope you’re on the way to lunch or something!
Holy shit your guy’s size difference is so vast its almost worrying
how are you even alive with that little weight
Go eat some junk food or something before you pass out
OMG look at her shes so small and stick like! Her clothes look like they’re hanging off a scarecrow!
That girl cannot be healthy tell me someone is making her eat more
Every time its always the same damn thing....
I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned away from the mirror nearly in disgust and went back to changing into more casual clothes, bitterly noting how my clothes did in fact seem to hang awkwardly on my body as if I was too thin for them to fit correctly. Like they always did lately.
Ew look at her she looks so gross all stick-like like that!
What a fucking twig of a girl! Are those her ribs poking through her shirt??
Bitch go eat a fucking hamburger you need some damn food in you.
God that weight cant be healthy you need a doctor!!
“Kid? Yo kid you in there?” My head jerked up from the comments flooded screen of my phone to meet Jason’s eyes, catching the quirk of his eyebrow as he sat across the diner table from me. We were at a diner he favored whenever he came into town to visit, a little family owned treasure with delicious and greasy food and the sweetest staff on earth. We frequented the spot during his visits, our own personal little thing since we’d gotten closer. I plastered on a smile and ignored the slight narrow of those blue eyes, the small furrow of his brow got as I snapped off my phone and set it aside.
“Sorry Jay, BB tagged me in something dorky and I got distracted. So what were you saying?”
He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t the most convincing at that moment but I kept that damn plastic smile on my face and snagged some of his curly fries right in his face, making him crack a smile and smack my hand away from his tray.
“ Hands off my food, eat your own wolfie.” I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname I’d been branded and let the plastic smile slowly be replaced by a more genuine one as we began chatting again, grabbing my over sized cheeseburger and finishing every last bite and moving onto the large fries and two milkshakes, hopelessly praying that maybe this time the calories would stick and trying to push away the comments to the back of my mind. I was with Jason and we were having a damn good time, and I wasn’t going to let those comments ruin his visit...not again.
You should be ashamed. All you’re doing is promoting bad eating habits looking like that.
You’re such a bad influence for young girls who idolize you with such a horribly unreachable appearance.
Shes too bony to ever be considered pretty
Does she have a eating disorder or something?
I stiffened instantly startled by a hand on my shoulder, turning off my phone instinctively and making the endless comments disappear into darkness before whoever could see them over my shoulder. The hand was big, calloused, and gentle and I felt myself relax as I looked up behind me with a smile.
“ Hey Dick, did you need something?” He smiled down at me with that big bright smile that made all the dark thoughts and feelings melt away and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, blue eyes meeting aqua green.
“ Well I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything right now or if you’d want to go catch dinner with Kori, Dami, and I. I noticed that you’d skipped your usual early dinner....” I wasn’t surprised he noticed, he normally did...
Once again that smile plastered itself on my face as I told him I’d love to, and to just let me go get changed into something better. I saw his hesitation at the fake smile, practically smelled it on him and prayed he wouldn’t bring it up right now, god please don’t ask now or I might just break...
Maybe god is listening because he didn’t mention it and just told me to meet them by the front doors of the tower in ten.
How are you not dead yet?
Jesus Christ stop promoting your eating disorder like its a good thing!
She looks so sickly is she ok? :(
Yeah shes sick, sick in the damn head for posting such disgusting pro-Ana pictures
How can you post pictures with a clear conscience looking like that?
Some “superhero”
I was wrong, no god was listening to me.
Dinner was rough to get through, even if it didn’t start that way.
For once I didn’t have to worry or dread possibly checking my phone for anything, I turned it off by the time we got to the restaurant. I even got a small compliment from Damian on our way in, though it was more a snark at me not tripping up the stairs. But it was Damian so I snapped right back with a smile, knowing he didn’t really mean it. Sitting beside Dick and across from Damian, I nudged his foot with mine in a silent gesture to cheer up even a little. He huffed through his nose but I saw his body relax and it made me relax. Those moments before the food came, our chatter and soft laughter as we looked over the menu, and the soothing knowledge knowing that Dick pulled me and Damian along to this dinner so we would go out on a date ourselves, ever the best brother and wingman. The mood was light and pleasant and I could see even the ever sharp and moody Dami lighten up a little by the time we ordered. Maybe the mood shifted into something different as we waited for our food and I was sipping on my tall glass of iced cola, when Damian’s fingers casually brushed over the top of my unused hand that laid peacefully on the table. The gesture was subtle and light, quick enough to miss if your senses weren’t sharp. I didn’t acknowledge it and neither did he, a silent understanding that words would just ruin whatever this was. I accepted that happily, as he was much more engaged in the conversations and even smiling a little more during them as he debated with Kori on leading strategies. Things were pleasant, comforting at that table in those few seconds before the decline, Dick smiling and chuckling at his lover and little brother, Said lover and brother having a more upbeat discussion about different leadership styles and their effects, and lightly debating which work better for what. And Damian’s hand next to mine, ever so lightly brushing against it in his wordless way to say I was still there and at even the smallest twitch I’d have his attention again. Dick ruffled my hair and asked how my online courses were coming along, since I didn’t attend schools publicly and I was more than happy to babble about my classes, and my current work in them. It was nice and I was happy, all the horrible feelings from before draining away as I tuned everything else but these three out of my enhanced hearing. Why had I even felt so shitty when I had great people like them in my life?
Then I heard it as that damned supernatural hearing tuned back in to the rest of the world.
The words and whispers and mutters and the blatant gossip and bad mouthing.
“Look at that younger girl sitting at that table dear...shes so thin I think she should be in a hospital not a restaurant.”
“Ewww mom look that girl looks like a skeleton!”
“ Honey shush….”
“Is….is that girl ok?”
“Dude of course she isn’t just look at her shes unhealthy as fuck. Probably has some kind of eating disorder too or something.”
It all flooded over me and all of my happy mood washed away under the wave. I couldn’t tell if the others could hear them so I grit my teeth tried to tune it all back out, trying so hard to focus more on Kori’s explanation of her points. My hands began to curl up subconsciously, making Damian’s attention snap to me. Fuckin I….no, I cant tell him...I shouldn’t. I forced my hand to uncurl and that stupid smile sprawled across my lips as if someone had put tape over them. I saw his eyes narrow and near begged mentally for him to not say anything or for Dick to distract him...anything.
“Ahem….your meal.”
I have never more thankful to a waitress before in my life...until I saw the look she gave me as she placed my admittedly large order of food in front of me, something that was normally a platter for two people’s worth of beef and sides. I caught the judgmental and suspicious look she had glancing between me and my food and I felt shame burn all over, starting to hang my head to avoid that damn look.
“ If this is all our food then your job is done. Don’t you have OTHER tables to be serving?” Damian’s curt and sharp tone cut through the air and briefly through my shame. This waitress knew nothing about me and i certainly owned no one any explanations about my eating habits, so why was she hanging around giving me looks about my food…?
“ Damian don’t be so rude!” Dick cleared his throat and I felt his strong arm wrap protectively around my shoulder as he leaned close to the edge of the table while Kori’andr apologized for Damian’s attitude vaguely. But I could hear it, there wasn’t much life to her apology. It sounded like a politely required apology, almost...defensive?
“ I am so sorry about my little brother Miss. He’s also sorry. But do you need anything else since we seem to be all set here but you’re still hanging around when you must be very busy…?” Dick’s words were sweet and cheerful, but there was an edge to his tone that gave a clear warning. His arm around me tightened a little protectively as he gave one of his signature charming smiles that could light up half the damn city as he then inquired if there was some sort of problem. The waitress stammered that there wasn’t any problem and that it was fine and for us to enjoy our meal before scampering away to continue her work. I felt other patrons eyes most DEFINITELY on us now and I couldn’t help shrinking into the taller man’s side to hide.
“ I’m sorry this keeps happening…” I murmured to him as our respective dates started eating and slowly reviving their conversation, moving on to mission recounts and training while Damian shot a dark look at the other patrons that made them look away. Dick gave my shoulder a squeeze and i moved closer for that familiar warmth and comfort...my chest felt heavy and my appetite had died and I wanted to curl up in my room and die of the shame. But I couldn’t, he wouldn’t have let me. So instead I instinctively sought out the safety Dick’s presence brought me, like a protective older sibling whose arms I could be enveloped in and forget about the harsh world outside them.
He knew without words, catching my body language before anyone else at the table. He knew me best.
“ Do you want to leave? We can get to go boxes and enjoy this meal all the same back at the tower, or even mine and Kori’s apartment. Is that what you’d rather do?” It was tempting, oh god it was so tempting to just say yes and let him lead me away while I re-gathered myself, same way he did when we were both 13 and living under the same roof...before…
I shook my head and forced those thoughts to the very back of my mind. I was in a dark enough place of mind already without that.
“ N-no...you guys set this up...i...i don’t want one nosy waitress to ruin our whole meal. Lets just eat ok D?” He smiled at the nickname and ruffled my hair with a nod, both him and Kori making sure I knew if things got too uncomfortable we could leave and the heaviness eased a little at their consideration. I started picking at my food and slowly regaining my appetite, once again nudging Damian with my foot to start up conversations. I ignored the words for the majority of the dinner, we even began to enjoy ourselves again. The last straw was probably as we were paying and putting leftovers in to go bins. I was admittedly nibbling on food out of my bin, despite starting to feel full.
“ I swear you are a bottomless pit sometimes Gracia.” I rolled my eyes at Damian’s remark and gave him a small smirk as I licked my fingers clean.
“ This bottomless pit can still kick your ass in training wonder boy~” He grunted and I saw the challenge glow in his eyes as he smirked back, an excitement for tomorrow’s combat training flaring up between us.
“ You really shouldn’t mix up your delusional dreams with reality alpha PUP.” I said something snarky back and we began to bicker halfheartedly over who was winning. I finally snapped shut my leftover box and stood with Damian as we stared each other down confidently, Dick chuckling at our competitiveness.
“ Tomorrow morning’s combat training will certainly be interesting with these two all riled up already.” The words didn’t fully process as I cracked my knuckles and squared up to the admittedly….taller boy.
“ Last I checked Damian I was ahead 11-10. And tomorrow, I just cant wait to make it 12.” He gave a hard laugh to my face and faced up to me with a smirk as our other two companions stood and shooed us more in front of the table so they could leave their seats. He opened his mouth to say something likely scalding and snarky back at me when the worst comment pierced between us both like a goddamn bullet.
“ Damn, I never knew such a sickly, too skinny bitch like her could eat like such a fat fucking pig.”
I think I stopped breathing as my body flinched at the following laughter. The man was clearly on the tipsy side and sitting at a larger table with a group of laughing friends, though the one who said it was standing next to the table with a drink that reeked of the cheapest alcohol this restaurant probably sold, and he didn’t stop there. Oh god of course he didn’t stop there. He kept laughing and loudly making obvious comments at me and openly mocking me and how much I ate to his table, either fully aware of what he was doing and that we could clearly see and hear him or too drunk to really care as more insults and name calling that I had heard and seen and read plenty of times before fell from his mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears as the next few moments happened slowly.
I thought I had seen anger plenty of times before, the worse being the one and only time someone made a malicious joke about my appearance to my face when I was walking beside Jason and it took all my supernatural strength to drag him off and away the guy before he murdered him in broad daylight and to keep him walking to wherever we had been heading.
I had seen pissed, but I had never seen downright hellish fury until that moment when I looked at Damian and Dick.
I had seen Damian mad, and angry, and pissed, a few times in our first meetings at me personally. I had seen Dick mad, angry, and pissed off a a fair chunk of times, even if they had never been directly at me. I had never seen this expression on either of them in those times. And in those few moments that passed almost in slow motion and Damian began to lurch forward with murderous intent the thought finally hit me. ‘ Was this...the first time these two had really heard the comments about me? Oh god…’ I felt like I was moving in honey as Damian stalked past me and I tried to reach out to him slowly, a gleam to his eyes that made my blood go cold.
If someone was to ask me in the future what I believed Death looked like, I would say with completely conviction that death would have the exact eyes Damian had in that moment: lethal, merciless, and furious. And he would have Dick’s cold expression, a look I never wanted to see on the normal cheerful man’s face ever again.
Time snapped back to a normal speed like a whip and my hand grasped nothing but air as Damian stormed over to the man.
“D...da--”
“What did you just say you disgusting drunk.” I might’ve shivered at his tone and I felt Kori’s hands on my shoulders tugging me back protectively as she looked down at me worried.
“ Gracie...don’t listen to him, there’s no reason to cry.” Cry? What was she talking ab--
That’s when I felt it, something warm and wet sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I...I was crying. My walls and my limit of bottling things in for one day was crumbling away as I watched Damian go to confront the man, my voice disappearing under the surge of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t even say his damn name. I felt frozen and helpless as Dick stalked after Damian, fists clenched.
I had to do something say something anything to stop them before things went badly I had to I had--
“Eh?What the fuck did you say to me brat?”
“ You heard me you worthless piece of filth. Apologize to her, now.”
I needed to do something anything as I felt myself crumbling. Why wasn’t Dick stopping him why
“ And what if I don’t pipsqueak? You gonna hit me? Now scram. Maybe take your little bitch to a hospital for treatment instead of parading her around a restaurant with normal people!”
“ He might not do anything, But I will. Now take it back before things get messy.”I think my body began trembling as I watched panic swelling. I just wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to see this unfold, I just wanted to be home at the tower curled under my covers to simulate the warmth of another person holding me. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere else then stuck in this nightmare.
So I moved without thinking and lunged, aiming for the back of Dick’s jacket to grab and ready to swallow any shards of pride and beg to leave. Instead I collided with Damian’s back and rolled with it, hugging him tightly from behind and tugging back with a whimper.
“ P-please you two...l...lets just leave...please lets just go home please…” Kori grabbed Dick’s arm firmly and tugged him back.
“ Dick...shes in the midst of an anxiety attack, let it go and lets leave. We need to get her out of here.” He took a difficult deep breath but nodded glaring down the man harshly enough that he flinched and scurried to the bar with his tail between his legs mumbling insults. One of his friends started to stand and began nervously apologizing, though one vicious look from the boy I was holding shut him up fast. It took me and Kori working together to drag the two out of the restaurant and the ride home was tense and silent. I couldn’t look at any of them, instead opting to stare at my feet wiping my eyes.
“ Does that happen often. People talking about you like that.” His cold tone made me flinch a little. At this point I was so upset and anxious and emotionally drained on the inside that I thought Damian was mad at me of all people for what happened. Those dark thoughts began to slowly bubble up to the surface and my insecurities screamed that he blamed me for what happened in the restaurant. I remained silent, too upset to answer. I heard his growl of annoyance and I began to hunch up, ready for a verbal fight.
“ Damian drop it for now. Shes in no right place of mind to talk about it.” Dick warned from the driver seat with a low voice that reminded me he was also upset and angry. When we got back to the tower I didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, I just bolted for my room as fast as I could, at a inhuman, unnatural speed that they couldn’t keep pace with.
I stayed locked in my room for three days, not willing to face any of them the next morning during training. Everything was heavy and hurt and it was hard trying to rebuild those shattered walls of protection, that image of unbothered confidence. I stayed in bed locked away from the world and curled up under the weak protection of my sheets mostly unresponsive to those outside it.
The first to come knocking and checking on me was Kori, asking if I was ok and if I needed to talk. She left after a little while of trying for a response unsuccessfully though, saying she’d come back to check on me later. It was maybe an hour later that Garfield came knocking, asking why I’d missed breakfast AND training. His voice was concerned as he asked if everything was ok and if I was even in there. The concern poked painfully into my silence, tempting me to speak and make myself vulnerable.
Vulnerability killed. I knew that first hand. So I forced myself to stay quiet until his knocks and footsteps faded away.
The rest of the day passed in a bit of a self deprecating blur, only marked by Kori’s two other attempts at my door. The last one I barely noticed as exhaustion kicked back in and I drifted off into an unsteady sleep
The next day after I woke up things still went by in a near timeless blur. I could hear my phone buzzing and vibrating and rattling for my attention but I left it there on the nightstand unnoticed and curled further under the sheets, lost in a slate tinted world of dark thoughts and darker temptations. But that day was harder to drift away through.
The first to stop by was Jamie, knocking a few times and calling out to me with concern and worry clear in his voice as he asked if I was ok. He asked if I’d eaten at all since yesterday, since he hadn’t seen me leave my room. The thought of eating made my stomach stir and my body curl around it ashamed. He knocked a few more times after that, his voice growing a bit more worried at the lack of answer. After awhile I heard him walk away and I barely lifted my head as I hugged my too skinny too unhealthy body close, feeling those blaring imperfections and flinching at myself.
It was no wonder everyone said those things...if so many people said them so often then they must be true.
The next to come by was Raven. She only knocked twice and gave a small sigh.
“ Gracie...I know you’re in there. If you need someone to talk to...my room is in the next hall over, and I will be here to listen. I wont force you to come out...just please remember you aren’t alone here. You have the team behind you.” I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep my ensuing whimper silent. The words, soothing and reassuring in context, stabbed into my heart and my resolve. I WANTED to depend on them, to throw open the door and break down under the assurance I could and would not be treated differently after, and be assured and comforted and remind of the positives. I wanted it so badly I was scared of it. Or maybe...I was scared of it NOT happening as those damn fears and insecurities and dark thoughts sowed heavy doubt through me. She lingered a little longer than Jaime, eventually her footsteps disappearing. I remember meekly poking my head from the sheets to stare absently out the half covered windows lost in thought, time slipping by me once more to the point I almost didn’t register Garfield and Kori both stopping by my door again at least twice more worried.
When Dick stopped by as the sun was setting was when the harder pain set in.
I heard the knocks and ignored it in favor of the changing color sky the sunset offered, my room washed in a dim orange and amber gleam. Then I heard his voice, soft and sick with worry from the outside and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Hard.
“ Gracie...C’mon Gracie-girl please open the door. We’re all worried about you...I’m really worried about you. You haven’t eaten for a day and a half...Please let me in...” I almost broke completely at the pain in that familiar voice, the voice I never wanted to be the cause of being in pain or anguish again.
Well looks like I did a GREAT job of preventing that didn’t I?
He knocked again, asking and pleading and trying to reason, anything to get that door to open. My eyes burned with hot fresh tears and I curled up into a tight ball whimpering softly and breaking my vow of silence.
“....D-dick...p-please...j-just leave me a-alone…I-i just need some t-time alone…”
My voice came out pathetically weak and shaking with tears, which I know he heard. There was a silence for a few moments, perhaps shock that I actually answered this time. I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks as he sighed and reluctantly muttered that he’d come check back on me tomorrow and that there was leftover dinner ready for me to heat up on the kitchen counter before he slowly walked away. His fading footsteps echoing in my ears. Was my heart breaking on every step away? I couldn’t tell. That feeling slipped into the dark thoughts that followed the setting sun. Dark thoughts that also reminded me of the one person who HADN’T come to check on me, and the resulting pain of his absence.
The third day had been mostly quiet. It was almost a painful relief, quiet meant no additional pain of--
“ Gracia.”
That one word coming from Damian’s mouth sent so many things through me and sent any resolve I had spiraling away. His tone was a forced kind of neutral, he sounded as if he was trying to stay calm but it wasn’t exactly working. There was something to his voice I had no energy to figure out. He didn’t knock and there was silence for a few moments but I felt his presence remain.
“ You haven’t eaten since the restaurant.” No questions with him, he didn’t need to ask, always calm and analyzing.
“ ...You cant just stay in there forever Gracia.” A stern lilt to his voice, weakly enforced by the faint sound of his hand on the door. I could only whimper and curl up more. There was another stretch of silence before he sighed and his footsteps continued down the hall.
He was the only one to come check on me, a blessing and a damnation.
The day and night went by so listlessly I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to banging knocks on my door. The volume grated on my sensitive hearing and made me flinch. Who would even be knocking like that…?
“ Oi. Kid. I know you’re still in there. Open the door.” Jason’s hard and no shit taking voice shot through me. Why...Why was Jason in the tower? Why was he in the city?
The knocking continued relentlessly, unlike the others. It even got louder and angrier.
“ Kid I said open this goddamn door.” There was no request or plea in his voice. It was a command, a harsh, cold command. I tried covering my ears with my hands and curling into a tight ball as the knocking continued. He wasn’t about to give up to a little girl.
I knew this too well.
“ Graciea Rosica Lucio I swear to god if you don’t open this goddamn door in the next couple second I will break it down. Now get off your fucking ass and answer me.” I don’t know what it was, but hearing his threat sent my body into mechanical motion, trudging over to the door and reluctantly unlocking it and letting it slide open with a low hiss, the banging finally ceasing. I couldn’t look him in the face, empty and ashamed it took threats to get me to open the door. So I stared dully at his boots and took in his scent as he grabbed the front of my shirt and dragged me back inside. I stumbled clumsily along with as he sat me on my bed and stood in front of me. I kept my gaze down towards his knees, the smell of nicotine wisping off his body in a way that told me he very recently had been smoking, no less than an hour ago most likely. Smoke and city is what filled my room. There was only a beat of silence before he spoke.
“ Look at me.” I lifted my head and stared at his chest and his crossed arms, unwilling to look him in the eyes. I couldn’t bare to see what kind of disappointed look he likely had on his face. Perhaps I didn’t want to see my reflection in his eyes, see the sickly, disgusting and bony figured girl with greasy hair and dark circles under dulled eyes and sallow cheeks. I heard the slight growl that rumbled from the back of his throat in warning and I briefly wondered if I would be forced to look him in the eyes. His arms uncrossed and I prepared myself for anything.
Anything except for two big plastic grocery bags filled with fast food bags and orders was dropped onto my lap, the contents still hot. I blinked slowly once, twice, and finally got enough courage in my confusion to look up at his face. When I did I was a little startled.
“ Eat. And you aren’t moving until those bags are polished off understand me?”
He looked visibly angry, eyes narrowed and mouth locked in a fearsome scowl with eyebrows furrowed. But his eyes were soft and worried and it took me a minute to realize worry was what was making his scowl so harsh. He crossed his arms across that broad chest again and I realized he was in his work gear, all the way down to the guns strapped to his thighs. All he lacked at the moment was his helmet and domino mask, his dark hair messier than usual and the white streak falling between his eyes. We had a staring contest and in those pupils I saw myself, I saw the shell I had become and it made me sick, breaking me briefly from the depressive haze.
How the hell had I let myself fall this far, this deep?
We didn’t speak until he grunted, eyes narrowing more in a way even those concerned blues didn’t weaken the glare as he spoke gruffly.
“ You better start eating before I start just shoving it down your damn throat.” I knew he would too. He wasn’t fucking around, I didn’t doubt he’d follow through with any threats made. Slowly I looked down at the pile of food and reached for the first bag, pulling it open and blinking fast as fresh tears stung my eyes.
It was from our favorite diner, and it was my usuals two cheeseburgers and large lightly salted fries with a second order of fat steak fries and fried pork strips. He’d even gotten all the little sides I enjoyed with it and I looked back up at him with a pained look. Maybe that look made him relax because his expression softened slightly, his voice quieting to something gentler.
“ C’mon now...I brought you all your favorites, now start eating...it’s been three days and your body cant handle that. We can talk after.” My shoulders slumped as all the tension stored in my body dissipated a little as he continued to speak, like a tightly pulled strong finally cut loose.
“ Kid I’m not mad at you. No one is. So just eat the food and then we’ll figure shit out, just like we do on any other visit.” I think the tears started falling because his face got blurry and there was warmth in my face. If I did start crying he didn’t say anything, just nodded at the bag. I gulped and slowly but surely pulled out one of the burgers and slowly took a bite, struggling a little to swallow it with a throat that was closing up from emotions. Once I did though my hunger kicked me hard and I began devouring the food, one bag after another.
It took me about a half hour to finish both plastic bags but I did, followed by slamming through at least two water bottles and one thick milkshake that almost made a mess. Jason simply watched over me as I ate from his spot in front of me. The silence was almost soothing, not painful as it had been before. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I looked back up at him and we made eye contact.
“ So are you going to tell me what happened? Really happened?” I broke his gaze to stare towards the floor as the acidic shame began to creep back over me. He sighed.
“ C’mon kid just let it out already. Who am I to judge? So why don’t you trust me like you USED to and tell me?” Those words shot through my heart and head.
I...I wasn’t trusting him...trusting anyone...I…i...
It was like Jason opened a flood gate.
It all came spilling out with a new surge of tears and mid sentence cracking sobs, my body physically heaving from the intensity as it all came out. All the months of insecurities and pain and doubts and fears and comments and negativity and hate and bullying came rushing out like a tidal wave and Jason took to all, listening to everything without a single word as I let everything out and let myself break down completely, wails and sobs replacing words eventually. I felt him shift and kneel in front of me, felt big strong sturdy hands grip my shoulders to steady me and keep me anchored as I buried my face into my hands and gasped out cries and pained wailing yowls that filled the room and spilled out of it. I vaguely remember the sounds of multiple hurried footsteps coming towards the door but I didn’t care. All I felt was Jason’s hands on my shoulders and his steady, continuous heartbeat in my ears as well as he strong breathing. One set of footsteps dared to enter the room and hurry over, only stopped by Jason’s calm voice.
“ Let her get it out, its the only thing that’ll help.” The footsteps stopped and eventually the wails faded into blubbering whimpers and whines and hiccups, constantly sniffling. I lifted my head to look at him through blurred eyes and got one brief sight of Dick standing behind Jason that sent me into a whole new wave of sobs.
God I’ve been nothing but selfish and now I’d fucking hurt Dick again even when I swore I’d never do that again and i--
I let out a high pitched whine that turned into pathetic blubbered and wailed apologies. Over and over like a broken record I couldn’t stop apologizing to them for everything even parts that weren’t my fault in any way I still apologized for it I just couldn’t stop. Jason’s grip on me tightened only slightly before slipping away and for a single moment I was terrified I’d annoyed him with all the apologies and was about to add that to my list of them when two strong arms wrapped around me and and Dick’s scent surrounded me.
“ Shh shh shh shhh….shhh Gracie its ok now shh shh its ok I got you its not your fault…” I sniffled and wailed out more sobs and begs for forgiveness as I clung to him like he was a life preserver. And at that moment he was. He hugged me tighter and practically cradled me into his chest stroking my hair as he murmured reassurances, assuring me I was well forgiven and it wasn’t my fault. Everyone got insecurities especially when facing so much negativity. How I was so strong for fighting it for so long regardless. But it was ok to not always be strong and be able to handle it. That he was there and it was ok now. It took awhile but eventually all my noise quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and the occasional whimper as my trembling and heaving finally eased away into a limp tiredness. I felt exhausted but in a way different than the past couple days. I felt lighter and the more Dick spoke gently the lighter and more relaxed I felt,all the pain easing as he banished every dark thought one by one.
“ You ARE a hero Gracie.”
“ you aren’t a skeleton or a scarecrow or a twig.”
“ You are not too bony.”
“ You’re beautiful.”
“ You aren’t sick and you don’t need any doctors.”
“ You’re ok. The way your body works and retains weight naturally is not your fault.”
“ You’re only thirteen you’re still growing kiddo.”
“ I was scrawny and thin until I was at least sixteen Gracie its not that uncommon.”
“ You do NOT have to hold yourself to stupid human beauty standards.”
“ You’re beautiful to us, that’s all that matters.”
“ You’re ok, you have us.”
Each and every statement cleared my mind and I slumped against him with tears still falling down my cheeks. His hand carefully cupped the back of my neck in a soothing gesture to ease the wolf side of me, adding a very small amount of pressure to ensure the sense of security and safety the movement brought. I whispered out a hoarse thank you, my throat sore and raw but already beginning to heal. He smiled into my hair and I let my eyes slip shut in contentment. I felt...stabilized, as if the whole world had been constantly tilted dangerously under my feet for months and now it had finally been returned to normal, balancing me once again.
I felt a second, no technically third, hand tangle itself into my thick and greasy hair and ruffle it affectionately, fingers tangling themselves in the dark chestnut locks.
“ We’re always here for you kid. Whether you like it or not. You can be honest and confide in your inner circle Gracie. We aren’t going to look at you any differently...so next time don’t keep your mouth shut.” My nerves settled and I leaned into his hand with a loud hiccup, making him snort. I looked up and saw both older men smiling down at me, both with their own kind of soft expressions. I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose and smiled back shakily, feeling like everything was going to be ok for the first time in a long while.
I learned a few things a few hours later, after I’d fallen asleep in Dicks arms and woke up on the couch out in the Tower’s game room with Garfield and Jaime looking after me. My head was resting on Garfield’s leg and he had his elbow rested on my upper arm comfortably as he and Jaime played some kind of two player video game, keeping their voices lower than usual to be considerate of me sleeping. Opening my eyes was difficult as they felt dry and crusted and stung from crying so much. But my throat was no longer sore. When they saw I was awake they paused the game and and told me they were happy I was up, as I had been out cold for at least a solid couple hours. That was when I learned the first thing : Dick and Kori had informed the team of the incident at the restaurant after the first day I stayed locked up in my room, and Garfield had let it slip in his rage that he thought I had finally stopped getting those comments, and confessed that I’d been getting bullied and harassed about my appearance online for months. What I found out was all those months what I failed to notice was Garfield fighting back on my behalf every chance he got. He defended me, constantly called people out for harassment and even worked on getting some of the worst and most aggressive ones banned. For months he’d been do it as relentlessly as he could, filling his own social medias with both our pictures and his constant defense and positivity towards me to fight it back. It got lost in my own comment section so I stupidly didn’t realize. It warmed my heart knowing he’d kept my back even when I never noticed or mentioned it, though he waved it off and just gave me his big old smile telling me it wasn’t that big a deal,
“ After all, you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat!” And he wasn’t wrong. But I still hugged him tight in thanks anyway, an embrace he happily returned as he warned me next time I lied about being harassed there’d be hell to pay.
I assured him there wasn’t going to be a next time anymore and for the first time in months finally wholeheartedly meant it.
The second thing I learned was Jaime told me during those first two days I was locking myself away Damian had gone back to the restaurant and used Bruce’s name to hunt that guy that had been harassing me down and gotten a few hefty harassment charges and minor endangerment charges slapped onto the guy, throwing in a sob story of how I was now in emergency care in the hospital because of him. I knew he didn’t throw his last name around often, didn’t exactly like having to do so to be taken seriously. The fact he did for me…
I had a lot more feelings for Damian after that knowledge.
The third thing I learned was that the only reason Dick and Kori hadn’t come by to check on me yesterday was was because they spent the entire time hunting for Jason to get his help with getting me out, and when they DID find him he stormed for the tower and made it there before they did somehow, he was that angry.
As they were telling me this and retelling a very tense video call between Nightwing and Batman during the second day Damian came in in his full Robin attire, regarding us stoically. When I saw him I stood and the room quieted as I approached him, the both of us observing each other. When we stood a foot apart I stared into his masked eyes quietly and he looked into my tired eyes. I saw his mouth start to open to speak and my body lurched forward without me, hugging onto him tightly.
“Thank you...you didn’t have to do that for me thank you thank you thank you…” He was quiet and I was about to let go and move away when I felt his arm come around me and grip the back of my shirt, returning the embrace. Neither of us was at a point that we were really physically affectionate by any means but my heart swelled when he hugged me back, leaning his head against my own and allowing me to bask in the warmth of his arms and his scent. When I felt him roll his shoulders I took that as my cue and slowly pulled away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek as I did before retreating back to give him his space.
I think I saw his cheek flare pink but I’ll never say for sure because that would mean admitting just how red my own cheeks were.
I’d love to say that after that everything ended happily and perfectly and things went great forever and ever. But I cant, life doesn’t work like that.
But things did get better.
I was under heavy supervision several weeks, with almost stricter watches on my food intake to make sure I didn’t try to over eat or try to force weight gain. Bruce had me stay with him and Damian for a few weeks as well to make sure I didn’t slip back into that dark place. It was a bit smothering at times...but in all honesty I welcomed the smothering because I knew it meant how much they all cared. And staying with Bruce again...it brought up my mood believe it or not. Being in the manor brought back happier memories of my childhood and seeing the man I considered a fatherly figure more often perked me up. Plus I got to see Tim a lot more than usual in those few weeks, a perk and joy all in itself as he kept me company when he wasn’t too busy with his work. Tim was also the one who disabled all comments on my social medias one calm rainy evening in the lounge. I was grateful and he patted my head after as he read his case files. I think I might’ve fallen asleep against him, I cant say I fully remember. With each passing week I felt better and better. It took a long time for my self esteem and confidence to rebuild itself, but it got some jump starts. Perhaps the best part was two months later after a sparring session with Kori. She was giving me tips on striking with a staff when Dick and the big bad bat Brucie himself walked in.
“ Batman? Has something happened?” He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder.
“ I’m going to borrow Gracie for a few minutes.” Dick gently took her hand and smiled as he whispered something to her as he led me out of the training room and placed a long bottle of what looked like red chewy vitamins into my hand. When I looked up at him confused he gave me some of the best news of my life.
“ These are specially created vitamins designed to accommodate your body’s inhuman metabolism. Tim helped me create them. They're designed to help regulate fats and carb distribution in your body and allow your body to hold onto and gain more weight without immediately burning it off. Take one every week and in a few months you should be up at least one weight class if not more as long as you keep to your regular healthy eating habits, just like you wanted. By Tim’s calculations within the year you should gain enough weight to have a thicker figure, though you may always retain this thinner “ballet-ques” figure...you will more closely resemble the figure of girls your age.” I stared up at him then at the vitamins and sniffled, fighting off tears of joy. All those weeks with Tim and his seemingly just curious questions about my species and their anatomy...the “ case files”...I owed Tim a lot for this.
“ It was Dick’s idea, after all that happened two months ago.” The softer tone brought a smile to my face and I nodded, barely restraining the urge to hug Bruce while he was in the cowl.
“ T-thank you...thank you this means more to me than you know…” He nodded and turned to leave but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face as he walked away.
And once he had I ran back into the training room and tackled Dick to the ground with a ecstatic howl, shifting mid leap into wolf form and licking his face in gratitude, making him laugh as he lazily tried to push away my affection.
I started taking them that day, and it took a few months for a noticeable difference to take place, but it did. My clothes and uniform stopped hanging off me like a walking scarecrow and I started developing the beginning of a feminine figure. I stopped trying to stuff my face too much at every meal and with every week after my self esteem raised back up a little higher. Maybe people saw it in the big, wide crooked smiles in pictures of me now, no matter who they were with. Or maybe the team saw it in the fact I stopped trying to hide my body in layers of clothes, walking around in my favorite tank top after missions instead of over sized sweatshirts and shirts, or the fact I didn't mind sudden pictures taken of me. Regardless it showed and in time I was more than happy to show off that confidence. Throughout it all Jason made near constant visits between jobs to make sure I didn’t have too major of setbacks and Dick stayed by my side as often as he could, supporting me and being a physical reminder almost that I was never alone.
And I didn't feel alone.
And one day as I was getting ready for an outing I paused in front of the mirror and looked at myself, looked at my slightly more filled out tank top and the small curve of slightly more defined hips and an actually fairly filled out stomach, a fuller figure to match my broader than normal shoulders. I slowly looked into my own eyes and after a moment I began to smile.
Somehow….I didn't hate looking into the mirror as much as I used to.
“ I do not look that bad. I look fine.”
“ Gracie c’mon you coming? C’mon the others are gonna leave without us!”
I smiled at my reflection wider before running off out of the room after Jaime’s voice.
“ Im coming!!”
I dont look that bad.
And now I could finally start to see that.
The end.
OOOOOOOH ITS FINALLY DONE ITS FINALLY DONE!
Ive been working on this for three months now and it was really difficult to finish. Originally it wasnt supposed to be so angsty but...it turned out really angsty at the end.
@phantommoonpeople
@kid-crashed
@call-me-n0ni-chan
Tagging those I know will want to read this
I hope you all like it!!
#My writing#oneshot#dc#dc comics#dc oc#Gracie lucio#dick grayson#Jason Todd#Tim Drake#Damian Wayne#bruce wayne#garfield#jaime reyes#koriand'r#raven#damian x oc#nightwing#redhood#Red Robin#robin#starfire#beast boy#blue beetle#ANGST AND FLUFF#angsty#hurt/comfort#happy ending#trigger warning#tw: body image#tw: body shaming
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o god i fucking....i fucken watched the death cure
god it was one of the best things i’ve ever watched but it WRECKED ME
ok i literally only have like??? 2 cons the rest are PROS HOLY FUCK AAAAA I HAVEN’T??? FELT THIS SATISFIED WITH A FILM/FILM FRANCHISE IN A LONG TIME THANK YOU TMR
cons
that random thomas and teresa kiss near the end??? lmao what (listen it dont mind book teresa but movie teresa is uhhhhh)
thomas wrote teresa’s name and NOT newt’s on the grave thing??? i mean im glad newt’s was still there and was centre stage with teresa’s but still lol
PROS
newt lookin completely iconic at all times pre full on crank mode??? what a fucken ICON
i honestly think they handled the story changes really well but still kept to the story to the point where i genuinely enjoyed it more than the 3rd book
they succeeded in making ava that rly complex character which is great
tHEY BROUGHT GALLY BACK JUST LIKE THE BOOKS HHHH
literally all of the moments thomas and newt had together?? pOETIC CINEMA (i might go over all of the ones i can remember through the emotional cloud of tears currently circling my brain)
i actually really liked that they didn’t go the whole thomas and brenda route like i know we hear it’s been months but still it would have felt too rushed??? thanks for the nice platonic relationship wes
jorge was great and im glad they didn’t kill any of the ones who didnt die in the books like frypan tHANK YOU
literally evetything felt rly smooth and clean i lov???
they put bits in that were in earlier books taat they couldn’t fit in the earlier movies!!! rose took my nose i suppose!!! we’re all bloody inspsired!!! etc etc
god when they found minho and thomas and newt were so happy and !!! it was rly fucking sweet
paradise looks really nice and just??? so glad
i’ve always loved how they show how much the trio (and everyone rly) cares about each other like there’s so many good connections in the books/films and they did so well with those
how in the glade they wrote the names of the alive and then crossed them out when they died but this time they wrote the names of the DEAD AAAAA BOOKENDS 4
newt being so fucknig sweet and selfless and not waiting to get the serum but instead helping thomas bc minho is their priority aAAAAAAAA
listen they bput so much more focus ontop newt’s death and all the others saw his body and it felt so much more impactful??? i was in complete tears and with the LETTER and everything (which i’ll be discussing in the next section c; )
i haven’t had many films or any piece of media that really made me feel so emotional and take me on such a journey but jesus fucking christ genuinely this film got me it was abolsutely incredible
ok so super mega ultra pros aka thomas and newt things that GOT ME
ok but their connection was so genuinely strong and amazing in this film it REALLY made up for the scorch trials film lmao
newt being his emotional stability until he starts succumbing to the flare and then thomas had to become NEWTS physical stability??? POETIC CINEMA i mean newt was the ONLY ONE who talked thomas out of beating the shit out of gally holy fUCK
newt knowing that thomas was gonna run off and knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop him, so instead he tags along because HE’D FOLLOW HIM ANYWHERE
wE STARTED THIS TOGETHER WE MIGHT AS WELL END IT TOGETHER
just??? all the hugs and pats and making sure the other is okay??? gOD
when newt showed thomas the flare veins stuff and thomas immediately is like nope we’re gonna fix you, lmao mOOD
lmao the thing that caused newt to have that flare induced anger outburst was thomas still caring abt teresa?? listen im not saying it’s a good way to react bc...it’s not but still uhhhh 🤔🤔🤔🤔
god newt calling him tommy?? fuck
when newt gave him that lil memento got me and the please tommy please??? mMMMMMMMMMMMMM
ok thorough the scuffle i couldn’t actually tell if thomas or newt ended up....killing newt but oh god fuck newt’s last word was tommy and god thomas looked fucknig broken and it was that (and beforehand, teresa’s promise that he could save newt) that had him go to teresa AAAAAA
speaking of, teresa KNOWING that bringing up newt would be the best way of getting through to him bc thomas cares abt him so much and needs to save him and aaaaaaa (listen....thomas is Bi he loves teresa and newt and he never gOT TO REALISE WITH NEWT AAA)
‘could i have really saved newt?’ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA o god thomas has to live with that NO
thomas literally dragging newt with everything in him because hr abolsutely refused to give up on him mmMMMMMMMM
o god the letter the fuKCING LETTER listen....it wasnt in the books o i DIDNT SEE IT COMING like i know there was A letter in the book but it wasnt as genuinely heartfelt and sweet and sad as that oh god i was full on sobbing and sniffling and oh god
i cant remember the exact words bc oh god that was hard but newt talking abt not being scared of death but scared of forgetting was so sad aaaa
the bit that was like ‘i knew i’d follow you anywhere’ and that he’d do it all again hHHHHHHHHHHHHH and him saying that thomas deserves to be happy and o god listen...newt was in love with his ass he was oh my fucking god and like...even if you dont believe that they still had the BEST dynamic in the entire gotdamn series it was genuinely beautiful i??? listen they were frodo and sam thATS WHAT THEY WERE AAAA IT WAS DONE SO WELL
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Caught Web Handed
Series: Peter Parker Imagines
Relationship: Peter Parker x Reader Warnings: Swearing cause I swear a lot get used to it or don't read my stuff Word Count:2,000+ A/N: Typed this before my shift! Enjoy my darlings :)
[Reader's POV]
"Now just do the equations worksheet over the weekend, you have a quiz on formulas on Tuesday have a great weekend everyone!" the teacher waves to us before walking back to her desk. Putting your notebook away you zip up your bag.
Slinging the straps onto your shoulders you pick your phone up off the lab table. Taking your beanie and putting it on your head. You start to walk towards the door when a hand grabs onto yours. Looking at your hand to the body thats connected to the other one. You smile realizing it's your boyfriend, Peter Parker.
"Baby, I'll see you over at my aunts tonight for dinner right?" he asks looking at you with a cute smile. Nodding you quickly peck him on the lips.
"Yes I'll head over there after school,I offered to help her cook" walking hand in hand the two of you leave the room. Fixing your glasses you push them back up the bridge of your nose.
“No wonder why Aunt May larbs you so much” his laughter making you smile, it’s so damn cute. It was his Aunts way of saying I love you and since you started dating she says it to you too. Now you’re a part of the Parker household.
Peter kisses you goodbye once you two reach the end of the hall. He said he had to go do something for the Stark Internship. Your friends joked he was cheating on you but you all knew he wouldn’t. Peter wasn’t like that all, he reminded you of a love sick puppy.
Walking down the hallway next to you, you pass through a sea of people to get to the doorway. Peter was long gone by now doing whatever for Mr. Stark. Zipping up your windbreaker you step out into the windy environment. It was fall in Queens and quite chilly to be exact. Holding onto your skateboard as you step down the entrance steps.
Teachers stood outside watching as people left. Their eyes monitoring everyones behavior some eyes on you due to your skateboard. Leaving the school grounds and placing your skateboard on the ground. Placing your maroon Van clad foot on the black board. Your eyes looking down at the Spider-Man sticker you made to decal it.
Pushing off with your left leg you stand fully on the board. The wind blowing against your skin as you roll down the street. Using your left leg to push for more speed. Music playing in your headphones as you make your way to Peter’s place. The streets turn into a blur as you make your way down. Skating across crosswalk ,thankfully no one next to you. You hated skating and having to get off if there were more people trying to cross.
A red blur passes by capturing your body sending your skateboard off into the street. Headphones popping out of your ear as a cars honking fills the air. A scream leaves your mouth as you see you’re not on the ground connected to the lovely Earth. Seeing your skateboard get snapped in half broke your heart. The man driving the car slammed on his breaks flipping you off.
You were held in strong arms making you snap back into reality. Looking up you see it’s Spider-Man. Words couldn’t even form in your mouth. Your jaw was ajar and probably broken open from shock. He swings another web descending from the perch he was holding you on.
“Watch where you’re going bitch!”
“Hey buddy that’s not how you talk to a lady!” He shoots a web hitting the man in the mouth. Another web securing his hands to the wheel.
“I-I don’t even know what h-happend I was just crossing the street I-”
“Don’t worry, he was the one who almost hit you trying to speed through a light… Are you okay?” his voice sounding worried as he placed his hands on your shoulders. The eyes of his mask narrowing as he looked at your body.
“I’m fine thanks to you Spider-Man, my skateboard not so much” you sigh pointing over to your crushed buddy who was murdered.
“Can I offer you some web transportation today?” his voice sounding very familiar. Your mind just couldn’t process anything at the moment after what happened.
“Thanks but I have to go help make dinner tonight, maybe I’ll see you around Spiderling”you wink at him before walking over to the guy trying to get the web off. Pulling out your brass knuckle rings you slip it on. Raising your arm you punch his back window.
“That’s for Zippy you impatient fuck” Checking the road you cross it and pick up your murdered pal. You’ve had him since you were in middle school.
The man looks over at you like you’re insane. His face angry but he couldn’t say anything cause it was muffled. Flipping him off you make your way down the street. Putting your headphones back in your ears you turn the music up. Secrets cover to Shape of You starts up making you grin. Singing along you continue your way to Peter’s apartment.
-
“Sweetie can you grab me the vegetables I washed? they're in the sink in the colander” May asks as she chops up the onions her eyes watering slightly.
“Got it” giving her a thumbs up you walk to the sink pulling the colander out. Water droplets drip so you shake it a few times before setting it on the counter.
Grabbing a cutting board you place a zucchini on the board. Opening a drawer you find a knife and pull it out. Hitting the drawer closed with your hip you begin to cut the vegetables. May instructs the way you should cut as she slides the onions into the sauce pan. Elvis was playing in the background as the two of you cooked.
May and you talked about what was going on at school. You told her how your art piece got picked for a contest. Peter was more the science smarts you were the artsy one. Total polar opposites but love each other so much. It was also a plus for having a smart boyfriend, he’s your own tutor.
Sticking the pan in the oven you set the timer for an hour. May was cleaning up the kitchen while everything was baking. She had the sauce on a simmer to keep it warm till Peter gets home. Lifting your backpack off the ground you carry it to Peter’s room. Walking in his room and stumbling on his shoes. Kicking them to the side you roll your eyes.
Going to the bottom bunk you set your bag on the made bed. Leaning against the wall you cross your legs. Pulling out your laptop you open it up to Tumblr. Scrolling through your feed on the Spider-Man Blog you had. You’ve been trying to capture pictures of him and thankfully you had your camera set up in your glasses.
Taking them off you flip a latch open and plug a micro usb into it and the usb into the computer. Downloading the file you upload it and add a caption. Adding the tags you want and post it to your blog. Pressing play you watch as you’re hoisted up and how you look up to see Spider-Man. Watching the clip again smiling cause you knew it would get loads of reblogs. Closing your laptop you unplug your glasses.
Putting them back on your eyes adjust being able to see clearly again. You could see without them but the world seemed more clearer with them on. Thankfully your dad knows how to add technology to things so you were able to have him customize the glasses. They were perfect because you were able to capture footage of him.
Moving to the edge of the bed you freeze seeing the door close on its own. Quietly getting out from under the bunk bed your feet step onto the floor. Looking up you see Peter on the ceiling crawling. A strand of a web hanging from the door closed. He jumps down quietly and gracefully, his back to you.
“You’re Spider-Man?” You blurt out making him jump turning around. A look of fear plastered on his features.
“N-No I’m not” Peter’s voice panicked as his suit slides off his body. His muscular body coming into view making your eyes grow wide. Peter wasn’t like this before,where did this body come from? What the actual fuck was happening?!
“You were on the fucking ceiling Peter Benjamin Parker” your voice rising a bit from what you saw. He covers your mouth pinning you against the ladder of the bunk bed. Peter looks back at the door becoming dead silent.
“Quiet please, May doesn’t know..” He looks you in the eyes, his eyes begging you practically. Nodding he lets go of your mouth stepping back.
Watching as he slides out of the suit. Pulling on a sweater he had draped over his desk chair. His hands pulling down the sweater covering his prominent abs. A blush on your cheeks as you look away from him. Jesus Christ you didn't know he had that body hidden under the clothes he wears.
“How long have you been hiding this from me” crossing your arms over your chest shifting your weight to one leg. Your hip popping to the side as you waited for an answer.
“It happened a few weeks before we dated…I just feel like I need to do something around here while I can.. Mr. Stark made me this suit, it used to be this homemade one but now I have thi-“
“HE made your suit?” you ask in awe looking at the suit on the floor. A lightbulb going off in your head, looking back up at Peter you point at him.
“This is the Stark Internship isn’t it or is it just a cover? Holy fuck you’re working with Iron Man” Peter’s smiling at your freak out moment that you were having. Your boyfriend is Spider-Man.
“You’re not mad at me?” he looks at you with the sweetest eyes, he reminds you of a puppy sometimes. Shaking your head no you pull him into a hug. His strong arms wrapping around you tightly.
“I’m just mad you didn’t tell me cause I’m your biggest fan” you give him a playful glare as he lifts you up.
“Do you know how hard it was to keep this a secret? You’ve almost found my suit so many times while you’ve been here” Peter laughs lightly setting you down on the ground. The door opens to show May peeking her head in.
“Hey I- Oh Peter I didn’t know you came in!” Peter turns around kicking the suit under his desk. May raises an eyebrow looking at Peter’s tense body.
“Dinner will be ready soon, Peter put some pants on” she closes the door leaving the two of you in Peter’s room. Peter jumps hitting the ceiling open a small latch. He hooks the suit up closing it letting out a sigh.
“Now why don’t you show me the footage you captured today” Peter grins pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose. Your eyes widening at his statement he just made.
“What do you mean?” You look away heading towards the bottom bunk.
“You really think I was just saving you or coming out of nowhere? I did that so your blog could get tons of hits” He sits down next to you on the bunk a content sigh leaving his lips.
“Son of a bitch” you laugh shoving him slightly only to be pulled into his arms. Peter kisses your forehead making you smile.
“Don’t think I didn't notice you charging your glasses in class today, my Spider Senses tingle more around you the most” his smirk growing only making you roll your eyes. He was such a smart ass but he’s yours and you were so content with your life. Daily content because Peter is a part of it.
For the remaining time you showed him the clips of you caught of him. Him asking you how you got certain angles or how you did certain shots. Dinner was ready and the two of you headed out to the dining room table. May being a hoot with her jokes with Peter. Life was great and even greater knowing your boyfriend is the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man .
#tom holland#imagine#tom holland imagine#tom holland x reader#imagines#i write stuff#imagine blog#follow my blog#peter parker imagine#peter parker x reader#peter parker#peter parker x you#marvel#marvel imagine#spiderman homecoming#spiderman imagine#Tony Stark#stark industries#stark internship#MCU#mcu imagine#boyfriend imagine#peter parker fan fiction#Tiemeupspideyfam
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hi i dont know why but i love being annoying so if you wanna see me expand on my tag rant from earlier and talk about fat characters please click under the cut. skinny or even average weight writers take a look, it aint personal but please,
[also im going to be using the word ‘fat’ quite liberally, a word i dont love but its easiest to apply. in this post its referring to all body types that are heavier (have more room for love ❤︎ ) than average]
holy fuck im gonna make this a Big Deal because i just downed a whole mug of coffee in about two minutes so heres some things that need to be destroyed
fat characters being the Doofy Sidekick to the Competent Hero
fat characters helping the main character by accident 99% of the time
fat char is friends with skinny/avg char, and both are ‘uncool’ but the skinny one is the kind of ‘uncool’ that wears beanies and is actually fashionable/smart, while the fat one is our definition of uncool with ugly clothes, rude demeanor, and the whole relationship just looks like its the ‘cool’ uncool(skinny) taking pity on the fat one
Big hulking powerhouse
fat characters being good at cooking/good with food*(more on this, there are exceptions)
fat characters being one-dimensional comedic relief with like four minutes of feelings sprinkled across three episodes to make it seem like the writers actually cared
y’all know i’ll add more if i think of it but lets just start because i have literally nothing better to do with my time
fat characters being the Doofy Sidekick to the Competent Hero
holy fuck....hoooooollyy fuck!! this whole??? thing!! where fat characters are the dumb sidekick needs to STOP!!! i mean, you’ll never see a main character thats not either skinny or buff anyway(usually, female and male, respectively) ((also steven universe is the exception to pretty much this entire post because they do multiple fat characters well, with diverse personalities and interests. crazy.)) and they usually just slap a sidekick on for a supporting role, comic relief and The Obligatory Weight Representation all in one for simplicity but. thats can stop any day now. constantly the Main goes off on some big quest to a magic world where the Sidekick can’t follow, and more than often they are, to use a particularly relevant phrase, ‘fat and happy’ and rarely question it. if they do, its a one-episode arc.
i mean i understand if theres only supposed to be one main character, but at least present it that way. dont kind of tease at a partnership if you arent going to develop the partner, fuckass. dont have fights and then make-ups where they bump fists and go “partners???(/equals/bros/team,etc)” “yeah, partners! :) (etc etc etc)”
its worth noting that this dynamic is mostly in male&male friendships because a girl who isnt pixie thin, heaven forbid, and a girl who has one best friend but not, also, a group of 2-4 other, less close but still “besties!!!” friends, ever comes to exist.
and then, in the same lines, we have
fat characters helping the main character by accident 99% of the time
where, whoops, and a ha-ha, the Fat Sidekick drops their Food Item!! and, haha, oh look, ew, haha GROSS !! theyre still gonna try to get it back!! but? whats this, by accidentally throwing/grabbing at the Food Item, they defeat the Villain of The Hour and save the day!!!!! ahhah what wacky hijinks!
yeah, im sure you’ve seen it, or minor variations of. and can i just say? fuck this trope with a red-hot iron poker. seriously. its disgusting. theres other ways the Fat Sidekick Accidentally Helps, but its mostly by knocking something over, or sleeping. so, moving on,
fat char is friends with skinny/avg char, and both are ‘uncool’ but the skinny one is the kind of ‘uncool’ that wears beanies and is actually fashionable/smart, while the fat one is our definition of uncool with ugly clothes, questionable social skills, and the whole relationship just looks like its the ‘cool’ uncool(skinny) taking pity on the 'uncool’ uncool (fat) one
i pretty much wrote all of this in the title. don’t do it.
Big hulking powerhouse
fat people can be nimble, fluid, and elegant. thank you. goodnight. *drops mic*
*runs back to pick up mic* on a side note, skinny people can be clumsy but stop the trope where the clumsiness is cute and only lands them in the arms of their crush. clumsiness knocks shit over. clumsiness can cause damage and hurt feelings resulting from honest mistakes *sets mic gently down on the floor this time*
fat characters being good at cooking/good with food*(more on this, there are exceptions)
obviously, cooking/food talent is an applicable trait that can come from their background. say a parent was a chef, or they grew up having to cook for themselves. if you give reason and background as to why they talented in this area (which, frankly, you should do with every quality), it can be fine! but when your Fat Character (i mean, if you;re writing the trope im discussing rn, im assuming you’re dull enough to only have one chubby/fat character) is just, good with food. when your fat character is just, a good cook. when your fat character is just, able to tell ingredients by smelling something, FOR NO REASON, then you need to back up and fucking stop.
we may eat more than average but that doesnt mean it comes from just, wanting to eat. for me personally i eat when im stressed, bored, or sad, which i am almost always one of. its different with everyone though. many lorge people wont mind if you message them asking for advice on why they eat the way they do. some will. please just be sensitive.
fat characters being one-dimensional comedic relief with like four minutes of feelings sprinkled across three episodes to make it seem like the writers actually cared
this is. probably the worst. i see it most in younger audience targeted shows, granted, but the fact remains that when some character needs to make a crude remark for the sake of the plot, 90% of the time or more its the fat one.
and to the second part of this trope, fat characters are overused so much for dumb jokes they get abused to the point of disuse, to which the show/book writers respond with a single episode/scene/whatever where they show Real Depth™️ (usually over the loss of a burrito or some fuckery, but its connected to dead relative or some shit so they can be emotional without losing that Important Quality Where Food Is King), which is the equivalent of the writers picking up a dropped piece of steak that the dog licked, rinsing it off in the sink, and putting it back on your plate with a smile and a “here, kiddo. ready to eat again.” but if you were paying even a smidgen on attention you can see all the hair and dust still on it. and it looks thoroughly unappetizing. as it should.
here are some fun tips!!!!!!!
---fat people can have interests in athletics. like. jesus christ. i know this might blow some of your minds, but fat people can enjoy sports. and, even crazier, you dont absolutely have to make a joke about their being out of shape every time they take a step
try this: FUCKING SUBTLETY. if your characters go to a high school, maybe the fat character(s) and their friends all walk together when they technically should be running laps, and you dont make it look like an act of pity. (I.e., instead of ‘oh, F.C., want me to slow down and walk with you? :)’ try ‘oh man, F.C., running sucks and i dont wanna. may i walk with you?’)
---fat people can obviously also have sedentary interests. sewing, drawing, math, board games, i can go on. they can have all the interests all people have in real life
---fat characters dont always have to be motherly, give big soft warm flab hugs (though those are nice) and be protective. fat characters can be upfront, a bit mean, but still a good person/liked.
---fat people can be wanted!!! a character can have a crush on a fat person and have it not just be a comedy joke thing!! crazy i know!!!!! fat people can be involved in real romance where the arc doesn’t center around how great the skinny one is for loving them *despite* their body!!!!!!!! i fucking hate when it implies a fat character is loved *despite* their body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---ideally, their eating habits can be subtlely portrayed as part of their character. maybe they have a little more for lunch, or take two dessert. maybe in the background of their room theres a few extra food wrappers than their friends. (note these are things i, personally would support). If you’re feeling nervous about it, its better to not write any ‘signs’ of it than overdo it, but 99% of the time the key is it existing, but no one comments on it in the story,
---seriously, stop making every kind interaction about FC’s weight from a skinny character an act of pity. i think this is one i react especially strongly too because of my personality, but its important overall.
here are some horrible Fat™️, in the generalization of the term, characters that I think are portrayed disgustingly overall, maybe there’s a scene or two exception, but mostly. these fuckin suck.
Howard (Randy Cunningham, 9th Grade Ninja) <this show is pretty garbage overall tho so
Toby (Trollhunters)<this show is actually worth a watch, if you can stomach his portrayal at certain times
here are some lovely Fat™️, in the generalization of the term, characters that I think are portrayed pretty darn well to end this post on a good note
Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Hunk (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
Steven (Steven Universe)
<<yeah there’s not a lot to go on for either side because fat characters that are actually relevant to the story are a rare find indeed>>
TL; DR!!!! FAT PEOPLE CAN BE LITERALLY ANYTHING!!! THEIR BODY TYPE IN NO WAY RESTRICTS THEIR INTERESTS, TALENTS, OR CHARACTER TRAITS
#this is a writing thing i guess if skinny ppl need the reference but i mostly wrote it because im bitter#god this is so fucking edgy#i just wanted to be Informative#and then 5 months later im gonna see this in my archives and think 'damn i rlly thought this would help ppl at the time lmfaooo'
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