#jess say sike RIGHT NOW

[corporatefrog]

꒦‧₊ ꒷ Sleepovers w/ Team Stan [Headcanons] ✧.*

✧.* tags: comedy, college au

✧.* Charactions: stan marsh, kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, butters stotch

a/n: I haven't had a sleepover in years and this has made me want to have one with my friends so badly.

masterlist

Monthly sleepovers are a friend group requirement

Cartman is invited on a month by month basis depending on how much of a bitch he’d been in the past month

It’s a great way to keep him in line

“Why do the gays get a pride month and there’s nothing left for us straights?”

“That’s strike 3.”

“WHAT! I didn’t even do anything this month! Who the fuck died and made you king of the sleepover?!”

“Uh- I don’t know. The sleepover behavior etiquette contract that you signed with blood.”

“God fucking DAMMIT.”

You all go to Stan’s usually since it’s outside of town so you can be loud if you want

And get blasted but thats a tale for another time

After the sun sets, the real party begins

Aka eating pizza and talking shit 

“Clyde doesn’t know how to do laundry”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m literally not. I was at Tweek Bro’s and he spilled some of his drink on his shirt and he goes ‘Now I’ve got to throw this away.’ and I almost choked on my drink, I swear to god. I told him he just needed to wash it and he deadass goes ‘How do you do that?’”

Butters gets so much tea just from overhearing it or people complaining to him 

He LOOKS like a nice guy who empathetically listens

But Professor Chaos on the other hand is remembering every juicy detail about what Bebe sai to Nichole at the mall last week 

Just saying- when the gossip girl south park account comes out, you know who’d behind that shit

Just Dance competitions FOR SURE

Butter is a kpop stan i can feel it

Yall do dynamite and he’s DEMOLISHING 

I said before than stan is the type to only move his arm

But that’s totally kyle

Kenny and Stan go ALL OUT 

That guitar hero gave him mad rhythm

But they get so into the full body dancing that the remote doesn’t pick up the right movements and they end up with like 30 points 

They always TRY the tetris one 

But their ambition outplays their actual ability and it ends with them falling into a pile on the floor

I feel like New Girl would be a group favorite binging show 

“Stan you’re so nick miller coded”

“If I’m nick miller, kyle is the most schmidt to ever exist” 

“Schmidt is fucking hilarious so that’s a compliment. Nick is just an alcoholic.” 

“Okay man fuck off you’re just mad that you can’t be winston.”

“Yeah that’s because I’m winston and Butters is Jess.”

“Yn you’re fucking Robbie.”

“Kenny say sike right now before I throw your soda out the window.”

You all DEFINITELY try to play true american 

And it goes TERRIBLY

Why would you play a game where you have to jump from surface to surface with someone prone to dying 

After the 3rd time Kenny falls off a chair you guys stick to uno or some shit

Midnight taco bell adventures 

they know your fucking order and get annoyed whenver you pull through the drive through

Like god these dumb fuckers again

But you give them a nice tip

And feast on the taco bell in the parking lot while laughing at whoever did the dumbest thing during the night

Wonderful vibes, truly immaculate

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

also another season where they don’t k word the black woman without giving her any ounce of happiness ever just so 2 yt characters can find each other be happy and raise her black babies maybe I am the biggest Benedict s4 stan actually yes I love a Mr #Bridgerton thats not Colin! and the yt girl being one that hates woman/marriage and kids yeah like back it up y’all can give Cress another yt character whos a evil bully happiness but cant marina on🔝of taking her kids + labeling her bad mother so Eloise #Bridgerton who hates kids can be best mom ever be fr

the #Bridgerton writers room is a joke thing place I know they ain’t seriously not only about to make yet another black character be the horrible bad mom but also having her k word herself so 2 yt characters and one of them is Eloise who hates kids marriage and woman in general+

be the best mother of her black babies so people can say she saved them black kids from their horrible bad mother and they never had a real mother until yt Angel Eloise showed them love an what a mother is I will actually k word myself in front of you and change the trajectory of

y’all life if y’all do not say sike right now @shondarhimes @bridgerton I know y’all hate black characters (John what y’all made Daph do Simon) and black woman especially (case in point QC lady Danbury story Marina/Simon mom) because this is 4th black character y’all k1lling off

nah this can’t be real all that for Eloise #bridgerton and Cressida Cowper is insane of all the woman y’all could do all this for y’all picked the worst ones of them all nah Bridgerton Jess and Shonda are just jokes who hate black woman and black people the only real explanations

can’t believe I’m actively wishing for the downfall of my fav character show it’s really become that serious look what y’all made me become when all y’all could was give Marina a divorce and let her have the house and kids and called it a day but no what would #Bridgerton be

without black woman and black characters dy*ng so white people can be happy right @bridgerton @shondarhimes cuz that’s the only explanation for this whole Marina arc and arc for Cressida a pure evil cruel person get not only get happiness but a whole happy ending but Marina can’t

who’s never done anything? but Cressida who’s for years bullied and being mean cruel can? what’s the difference I wonder between them why can one get happy ending according to Jess N Marina can’t is it visible difference or?what is it 🙏🏾 let us know why one gets it the other dont

like just give Marina a divorce(show isnr historic accurate or book accurate anyways)have LW pen tell the queen who’s her BFF now to annual that wedding if y’all cant breathe without those 2people getting together just free my girl Marina from dea*th her and her kids from y’all

it is not that hard give the house to her since she’s lady crane +Pen gives her 20K as apology for what she did to her + #Bridgerton have 🏡 for Eloise and marina left over can move into eveyone wins y’all get y’all yt people together happy and marina is alive happy with her kids

[slashhinginghasher]

Staring at someone's ass is barely even a blip on Marena's radar. She'd only insult Asa for it if she was trying to piss him off.

Now, if she found out about Asa's occasional necrophiliac tendencies, however...

Asa: I reiterate - you're with Jesse

Marena, who knew Jesse got turned on by killing/mutilating and used to rape his victims but didn't know about the other stuff: ... say sike right the fuck now

Asa: *watching Cricket's ass as she walks away*

Marena: You're a disgusting pig.

Asa: She's mine, I can look any time I want.

Asa: And you're with Jesse, you have no right to judge.

Lmao Jesse’s pig behavior is unrivaled. But I think Marena would save that insult for something particularly obscene, like…. I dunno right now, but it’s gross I bet.

[ameliora-j]

we’ll get you eventually☺️

is... is that oliver?

[monstermoviedean]

hii I'm just curious, i read your tag about a jacting choice at the end of 1x02 when he gets a kiss? what was the choice he made there?? I'm extra curious cause I just rewatched that ep last week hehe :)

friend, i am SO happy you asked about this because i have been quietly losing my head over this since i watched 01x02 again. okay, so dean's been flirting with haley the entire episode, right? we also saw him flirt with jess in the pilot, so we're supposed to be getting the point that dean is a ~*ladies' man *~ (ugh). they hit this again in dead in the water, hook man, etc., like this is how they want us to think of dean. and up until this moment he's going full flirt! here are some examples (all from 01x02).

but then, haley actually makes good on all the flirting and kisses him on the cheek. and instead of the cocky, haha-you-like-me flirtiness, he does THIS

he is absolutely stunned here. he can't look away from her face. the way his jaw drops. the hard swallow (which goes on to be a patented dean winchester emotion). he's totally shocked. and i think it's because he's not prepared for tenderness. he's prepared for flirting or for sex, both of which are not necessarily emotional for him. look at how he reacts when andrea kisses him at the end of 01x03 (on the mouth, which i think helps him navigate the situation). but the cheek kiss? that is kindness. kindness that he does not get and thinks he does not deserve. so he's watching haley, waiting for her to say sike, because he thinks she has to be messing with him (but also hopes she isn't). it makes so much sense for us now that we know who dean is, but in the second episode? that doesn't fit with the way they wanted us to view him at all. hence, it is the original jacting joice. i rest my case.

[shirleyjacksons]

if emilia clarke is playing jess i’m going to lose it please say sike right fucking now

[cloveroctobers]

IBRAHIM JARVIS —

IG info/bio: @/OFFICIALRAHIMJARVIS | 130k followers | pro🏌🏿, & yes i was on that dating show...don’t obsess over other people, obsess over water, stay hydrated friends!

22 (23) years old

From Birmingham, England

Pisces sun? + Virgo moon + Cancer rising

Parents are both Afro-Antiguan and Barbudans + migrated to The UK once they were pregnant with their first child

They’ve been married for over 20 years

He gets his height from both of his parents

His mother keeps her hair buzzed short, cooks the best Antiguan food + loves creole seasoning, she’s 5’11, & works as a bank teller

His father is 6’5, works as a substance a*use counselor & does not believe in tough love as a way of showing you care about your children. He learned that the hard way growing up

Ibrahim is a pro golfer & dislikes tiger woods, “he’s a proper arsehole, typical American yeah?”

Got into the craft thanks to his maternal grandfather who was also into golf along with other sports & taught him all he needed to know. At first Ibrahim didn’t like it, found it rather boring & would rather stick to video gaming but his grandfather wanted to break his grandchildren out of staying in the house all the time

It kept him fit and also relieved any anxiety Ibrahim had in life and he had a good amount

He’s got an incredible swing, thanks to his long arms

He’s 6’3

Has three older brothers: Jesse (27) , Keithroy (25), and Reuben (24)

He loves working out and spotting other people, feels likes it’s a team effort & he’s a team player

Drinks gallons of water on a daily and nothing else, it’s even better if he puts fruit in it

Always eating fruit, for breakfast/with or after his dinner. Rather eat fruits than vegetables...yes he’s an adult but he can’t stand broccoli or radishes

Canon: hates seeing other people test their fruit to see if it’s ripe or not. But it’s fine when he does it himself, he just thinks about all the germs that are on other peoples hands when they’re doing so; it physically makes him sick & irritated if he ends up touching the fruit that’s mushy/lumpy

He’s a big fan of comics. Always has been since he’s a kid and has a huge collection of them, his oldest ones are packed away in a couple of crates (in his loft room that he uses as a extra storage room) since he no longer has space in his room. Yes he has no shame (and shouldn’t) of having them on display even tho his oldest brothers clown him for it

Massive fan of black panther & was hyped when it first came to theaters. Saw it three times in one day

Was heartbroken when Chadwick Boseman p*ssed

He’s awkward at expressing himself & sometimes it makes him feel misunderstood & it’s frustrating

Hates people that come up with these ideas of him instead of allowing him to collect his thoughts and speak them the right way

Yet he can be the type of person that wants to ignore issues and hope they go away

He wishes people had enough patience like he did with others in the world

He seeks advice from his dad, since he’s a counselor & everything yet it’s slightly different?

Can be a sweetie & very romantic in relationships

Will do the most (he won’t see it that way) & drop $ on you if he wants to...buying things, trying & failing to DIY, doing wealthy ppl shit, expensive trips— canon: taking his girl to Spain? Was it? Or Italy? I don’t remember... the whole 9

Had 1 gf before the villa. He broke up with her for being too flashy with his things & found that she wouldn’t have liked him if he didn’t have a bit of money

His parents live with him. “They’re basically my roommates until or if they find a house they like.” He didn’t go overboard once he got his first paycheck, he didn’t need a mansion but he did go big enough, industrial style but homey with some minor modern touches for his dream home—he didn’t want it to feel cold or penthouse-like

Isn’t too flashy on the socials but will post something every now & then if he feels the need to show it

Doesn’t post much of his face, mostly what he’s doing in the moment...lots of golfing pics!

Dresses like a dad but it works for him. Loves a good snug polo & plaid trousers/regular that are cut above the ankle, “those are highwaters innit?!” “No mum, it’s the style.” Rolled up jeans, tall white socks & some patterned, baggy sweaters, fancy hats, picks oxfords over sneakers, etc...

Definitely takes the time to iron/steam/press his underwear & socks

Enjoys getting his hair braided, isn’t tender-headed at all (must be nice)

Only grows his hair out during the fall/winter seasons or cuts/gets a shape up

When he posts about his tournaments or time at the golf course, he can always count on Bobby to comment the usual... @/returnofdamckenzie: do you ever have moments where you Reenact troy bolton on the lovely green grass? @/officialrahimjarvis: Idk whether to block u or have a laugh mate, yes i had to look him up!

Dated Jo for about 5 months after the villa until she broke up with him, finding that their lifestyles were too hectic for them to continue, at least that was her public statement to the fans but they really grew apart & the “love” was no longer there

Ibrahim seemed to be more upset about it than Jo in the beginning resulting in snappy replies for awhile, which again stems from him not knowing how to express himself

She checked up on him A LOT, almost as if they never broke up but Ibrahim felt like he needed his space now. They talked it out the best they could over dinner and got closure but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting. He just didn’t think it was needed to be calling each other everyday to see how they were both holding up. If they were done, then that’s what they should be

Jo didn’t see it that way. She still cared for Ibrahim, that didn’t mean that they had to stop talking in her view. She wanted to know how he was coping, and was known for “sticking her foot in her mouth” so that was also a flaw in their relationship

She would say certain things that touched on how she was feeling but didn’t express them at the right times & then there was Ibrahim who didn’t know HOW to say the things he felt which left jo to assume things

Ibrahim was back to the single life and he hated it. He wanted someone he could come back home to, someone that wanted to be with him for the long run. A part of him feels like Jo wasn’t planning to be with him for the long run in the first place and in a way that was okay? Sometimes you don’t know where you’re going in relationships but there should be some sort of goal? Maybe? At least that’s what he thought. Yeah they had fun but he wanted more someday

He was still young he didn’t need to be hung up about it right? Sike. He didn’t know how to take things lightly. That wasn’t how he was built. And to get comments about his ex relationship and have fans dragging him about his choices in the villa A YEAR later!!! Was disheartening

Shannon seemed to be doing well. He thought they would still be friends, at least that’s what she showed before she left the villa. Before he got her dumped. They talked a couple of times since then, jo personally wasn’t a fan of that—Shannon didn’t care but it was clear there was some tension still there

Until he contacted her just to realize she probably had his number blocked but her IG was public and she had a new man & was traveling about

His dad and Reuben were the only ones rooting for them

He had no choice but to be happy for her. Who was he to come in between that? Not that he wanted to but it’s a natural reaction to wonder after a fresh breakup, “what if?”

Talks to Priya every so often now. He seems to find comfort in her, it’s the same for her on her end

His mother has a feeling Priya is the one her son will end up with. Even if she is older...Keithroy also liked her the best

While Jesse seemed to be the only one who supported his relationship with jo

I honestly thought he would have liked Hannah in the beginning but idk if it was him or Gary that said she was too unrealistic when it came to love? I think they both said something along those lines which is odd since it seems Ibrahim has no problem treating his girl like a princess

Probably only has one special dish that he can cook the best & it’s gumbo. otherwise hes out of the kitchen or having his personal chef cook for the family

Goes live on twitch—when he has time, playing many games with the boys from the villa, which pleases the fans

Talks to them all as much as he can

Noah seems to be the first to always text back since Bobby is the one who’ll start off responding in minutes then forget to text back cause he’s off doing handstands or booping people on the nose or some shit, Gary always ends up busy doing something with his nan or for Lottie—but Noah’s always around

They seem to be the closest outside the villa, they mesh well & hang out the most when they can

he likes having his sound on & LOUD when he texts! There’s something so satisfying about hearing the clicking of texting to him

Watches a lot of sports on the Telly, it doesn’t have to be just golf. Usually watching that sport sends him right to sleep while the others keep him active/vocal...yes he’s a tv yeller

Holds sports parties at his home & invites all of his family & mates, he HATES having to clean up afterwards. If it wasn’t for his mum he would save the cleaning until the next day yet he doesn’t mind cleaning his car twice a week

Continues to make his violet man drink & wouldn’t be opposed to someone giving him a endorsement deal for it

Is the “I love everybody!” Drunk

Enjoys yard work over cleaning the house

Has his own customized golf cart that he keeps in his garage

He likes driving that more than his Buick suv tbh

Wants kids some day, not too many, not too little just right— he’ll probably have two but for rn his Doberman pinscher is his bby

Either ends up with Priya with slight insecurities that she’s too good for him or he falls in love with a tennis player, either way I’m fine with both

Crushes/his type? : Jojo Levesque, SERENA WILLIAMS, China McClain, Brie Larson, Victoria Pedretti, Nathalie Emmanuel, & Keke Palmer

Listens to: Aminé, Big Sean, Frank Ocean, Brent Faiyaz, Pink $weats, B Young, Ali Gatie, Russ, Raveena, Jessie Reyez, Rayana Jay, Cosima, TianaMajor9 etc...

Anthem = Lucky Daye, “Buying Time”

[justauthoring]

Unexpected Guest [J.P.]

Request: Any chance you could do reader bringing Jesse home to meet her family only to discover her (adoptive) dad is Walter. Idk I just think it might be funny bit of a cliche soz

A/N: Hope you don’t mind that I never really specified if that reader was adopted or not. It felt a little weird to make the reader so, but I also didn’t want to go off completely from your request; so I just never specified it.

Please don’t plagiarize my work! Word Count: 1,112

Jesse’s heart quite literally dropped to the pit of his stomach when he saw whose house exactly he was pulling up to.

“Well, there’s no way this ends well.”

And if he’d been nervous before, it was ten times worst now. Before Jesse knew it, he felt his nails digging into the padding of the steering wheel, fully parked but unable to step out of his car because he was stuck in his own mind, just staring at the all to familiar looking house. Jesus, he couldn’t help to think with a shaky exhale, what are the fucking chances.

For a moment, Jesse’s tempted to just turn around and avoid the whole thing. He’d make up some stupid excuse later on why he couldn’t make it and then he could avoid this whole thing, the inevitable, for a least a little bit longer. That way he’d be able to prepare himself in advance and even though he’d still be a fucking nervous wreck, at least it wouldn’t be a surprise like it is now.

But, then, Jesse remembers how excited you’d been last night when he’d agreed to your proposal. The way your eyes had lit up and you’d practically jumped at the idea of Jesse finally meeting your parents. I mean, the two of you were already living together, so it was a surprise that he hadn’t met them yet.

Now, Jesse knew why. That gut feeling? He’d been right to listen by it.

He couldn’t do that to you. Couldn’t break your heart like that. He’d never live it down, and besides, he would never get rid of the guilt that would manifest inside of him because how was he supposed to explain to you, his girlfriend, that he couldn’t make it to dinner to meet your parents (which you’d been more than just excited about) because, oh, hey, your father? Yeah. I cook meth with him. And your mother? First time I ever met her, she told me to leave your father and your entire family alone. Making it clear she did not like me.

Yeah, that was a hard one.

Inhaling sharply once and then deeply the next, Jesse forces his limbs to move. He forces himself to step out of his car and walk up your driveway before, far too quickly, he’s at your front door, lightly knocking.

He hears footsteps and then your nearing voice; “it’s him! I’ll get the door.” There’s a moment of silence and then, right against the door, Jesse hears you call back to what he assumes your parents; “I haven’t told you his name because I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Well, a surprise it certainly would be.

And why hadn’t he ever asked your last name? He lived with you, for Christ's sike! Or... had you told him, and he just hadn’t bothered to remember? Either way, Jesse was seriously questioning himself in that moment.

“Jesse!” You call with a bright grin the second you pull open the door. Well, there goes the surprise. Jesse doesn’t have to see your father, and even your mother, to imagine the looks on their faces at the name that leaves your lips. “It’s so good to see you,” you call out lightly, pulling Jesse in with a quick kiss to the cheek.

Forcing a smile to his lips, not that he isn’t happy to see you, more that he’s just freaking the fuck out, Jesse leans into your embrace. “Yo,” he grins, leaning back as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Missed you.”

You smile warmly, “missed you too, Jesse.” Slipping your hand around his wrist, you gently tug Jesse forward; “come on, my parents are just this way.” Jesse, in seconds flat, finds himself stood in front of Walter, his partner, and Skyler, his partner’s wife, his chest tight with uncertainty. “Mom, dad, this is--”

“Jesse.” Walter cuts in for you, eyes narrowing. You don’t really notice the glare or the looks upon your parents faces, but Jesse certainly does.

However, you are confused; “you know him?”

Walter blinks, turning to you. For a moment, he seems confused and then it seems to occur to him, oh, yeah, my daughter doesn’t know that I cook meth with her boyfriend, and he blinks. “Uh, yeah, yeah,” he laughs lightly, slipping his hand into Skyler’s as she just continues to stare blankly at Jesse (which he most definitely notices and is extremely uncomfortable by). “He was my, uh, my student once.”

“Really?” You question, quirking a brow as you lean into Jesse’s side, oblivious to the looks of your parents. “Jesse, you didn’t tell me you were taught by my father.”

Yeah, because I didn’t know he was your father until now. “Must’ve slipped my mind.”

You turn to Skyler then after a quick roll of your eyes, “mom, you haven’t said anything.”

She blinks, sharing a quick look with Walter before plastering a smile on her lips, sticking her hand out. “It’s, uh, nice to me-meet you, Jesse.”

He easily takes her hand, “you too, Mrs. White.”

You, still too excited to really notice anything, slip your hand out of Jesse’s, turning to the infant sat at the highchair at the dinner table. “And this is Holly,” you call out, taking your baby sister into your arms and walking back over to Jesse who turns to you. Jesse, despite the looks hard on his back, calms slightly when he see’s the adorableness that is your younger sister, grinning widely.

Gently, he takes Holly’s hand in-between his thumb and forefinger; “well, aren’t you just the cutest.”

“And Flynn’s home too,” you say after a minute, rolling your eyes. “But he probably won’t leave his cave until dinners ready.”

“Hey, man,” Jesse calls out, meeting your gaze briefly, “I don’t blame him. I did the same thing back at my folks’ place.”

You hand Holly to Jesse who only manages to stutter out incoherent words, noticing the way Mrs. White’s eyes follow his moves carefully as you turn to your parents. “Mom, dad? Everything okay?” They haven’t moved yet.

They blink, once, twice, then; “oh, yes,” Skyler quickly says, moving towards the kitchen. “Please, make yourself comfortable, Jesse. Dinner should be ready in a half hour or so.”

“Thank you, Mrs. White.”

Whispering silly things, Jesse bounces Holly slightly as you fall back into conversation with him, a never wavering smile on your lips. As the two of you converse, Jesse isn’t oblivious to the look Walter keeps on him, even sat at the dinner table. Looks you’re completely oblivious to.

Well, tomorrow was certainly going to be an interesting day at work.

-

Let me know what you thought?

[s1x-foot-deep]

jess you are NOT implying Concoction in sandwich form say sike right now

sorry im 100% serious i wanna make a putrid sandwich that will make me gag <3

[mbappelingz]

Not Jesse leaving the team

Say sike right now

[starryandersen]

I will keep requesting JT/Tyson for as long as you're willing to write them. 35!

35) “this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

-

Call JT a bit of a groomzilla, but everything is going wrong. The flowers might not be delivered on time, the cake got dented on its way to the venue, they’re a couple seats short for the reception, and their minister got the fucking flu the night of the rehearsal dinner. JT is nothing short of panicking.

It doesn’t help that, due to one very superstitious Compher family, he hasn’t been able to see or in any other way communicate with Tyson and he is the only person right now that JT wants to see. He just wants to get married to the love of his life with little to no roadblocks in the schedule, is that too much to ask? He can’t do anything to fix it, he’s stuck in a side room in this huge, elegant estate and yes, he is about one mishap away from dramatically fainting backwards onto the chaise, thank you very much.

Jesse is fixing her up her makeup in the ornate, full body mirror, and Morgan is nowhere to be found, doing her best to sort out the flower ordeal and finding someone who is qualified to marry them. JT runs his hands through his hair, trying to ignore the way his blood pressure is rising by the minute. Jesse turns around to glare at him, pointing a fan brush threateningly at him.

“Don’t touch your hair, I spent way too much time on that for you to mess it up with your groomzilla stress. Morg’s got this under control, and Mom’s helping her. You have the two most competent women fixing this, don’t freak.” Jesse scolds him, which is bold of her considering JT is older than her. She’s the smarter of the two, however, and she’s right. If anyone can get this done, it’s Morgan and Valerie Compher. He opens his mouth to say something, though the words haven’t really presented themselves to him yet, when a loud knocking comes from the huge oak doors that lead out into the hallway. JT groans, inviting whoever it is in, bracing himself for yet another way that his wedding is about to get screwed up. Instead, Tyson Barrie, Mikko, and Gabe all spill into the room.

“Comph! We found someone to marry you and Junior.” Barrie exclaims, out of breath and his suit all out of sorts. JT’s heart lifts, and he could kiss the three of them right about now. He grins, gesturing for them to go on. Gabe holds up a grainy, black and white certificate with a web address at the top of the page. “Gabe became an ordained minister last night. Got the approval this morning.” JT baulks at them, eyes threatening to shoot out of his head, before he launches himself at the three of them, tackling them into a hug.

“You guys are fucking lifesavers, holy shit.” He breathes, with an armful of three bulky hockey players, as Jesse snaps pictures from behind them. Bless his stupid fucking team, he loves them more than anything else right now. A tone rings through the room, Jesse’s loud notification noise, and she laughs, like she can’t believe what she’s reading.

“Mom’s got everything figured out, the flowers just got here.” She informs the four of them with a relieved smile, and JT could cry. Everything is back on track and fuck, if he doesn’t just want to marry Tyson and get wasted and be done with this whole wedding thing.

So that’s how JT ends up standing at the altar with half of the Colorado Avalanche roster and a bunch of his buddies from Michigan, plus his sisters, Gabe holding a stack of marked up index cards, listening to the organ drone on. The doors down at the other end of the aisle open, and JT braces himself to finally, after two days of seeing approximately none of Tyson, to see his fiancé standing there, ready to walk down the aisle.

Except, Tyson isn’t there. No one is, and JT begins to panic. He whips his head around to find Jesse’s eyes, as a gasp ripples through the hall. This is so, so much worse than anything that had happened leading up to this. At the end of the day, his only saving grace through the tumult of chaos that was his wedding day was the fact that, by the end of the night, he would be married to Tyson. Now, not even that is going his way.

“Fuck, where is he? God, this wasn’t supposed to happen.” JT stresses, wringing his hands nervously. He keeps glancing at the open, empty doorway as if the next time he looks over, Tyson will be standing there, finger guns and all, yelling, “sike!”

And, in true Tyson Jost fashion, he does. Well, sort of. A voice comes from down the hallway, and then a red faced, lump of beautiful, clumsy hockey player comes barreling down the aisle. He skips the ceremonious slow walk and goes crashing into JT, flinging his arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry, my arm got stuck in a vending machine, don’t ask. JT, I’m so sorry, you know I’d never leave you like that.” Tyson is panting into his ear, trying to get all of the words out of his mouth at once. JT laughs, pulling him tighter and trying to drink up the way Tyson feels, how he smells, that familiar comfort that grounds him no matter where he is. Everything is going to be just fine.

[callmetippytumbles]

Thoughts on THOTS: Chapter 14 Peen Parade

So after a lot of encouragement from @lizzybeth1986, @violetflipflops and @feisty-mary, I have decided to gonad up and start posting stand alone reviews instead of bumming off of Lizzy. So here we are.

So this has been quite the week.  So much to discuss. Let’s make like the Black Eye Peas and get it started. Heads up, its a long one.

I feel like PB has been very generous this week.  They are like, “Call us Santa & Co. ‘cuz we outchea giving gifts to all the LI stans” PB: Here you go Liam stans. Liam Stans: Thank you, PB

PB: We see you Drake stans, here is something for you too. Drake Stans: Thank you so very much, PB.

PB: Maxwell stans? Maxwell Stans: Yeah? PB: I don’t know if we have anything for you Maxwell Stans: *faces fall, eyes well up with tears* PB: Sike! We got y'all too. Maxwell Stans: 

SUPERCALLAFRAGALISTICEPIALAHOLYFUCKINGGODTHANKUIVEWAITEDSOSOLONGTHANKU 

Hana Stans: What about us? PB:

I am a Liam stan, but even I feel away about Hana’s treatment these past few chapters. I mean a lot of her diamond scenes are initiated on the idea that she is helping you impress someone else.  I haven’t really tried to romance Hana so I can’t speak to the romance part. We were in Hana’s home country for the last TWO chapters but the diamond chapters with her don’t offer very much about or even center Hana. Hana is from China but the folklore about koi cam from Liam? I could go on but there are people who talk about this WAY better than I do.  I am just saying it’s one thing to make a point to include a diverse, LGBTQ+ character there, its another to do so in a meaningful way.  If Hana is there simply to be an endlessly supportive bestie and a love interest but doesn’t really get the same careful development that the other male love interests get this relegates her to a token.  That’s messed up.

I wouldn’t quite call it the Ultimate Sausage Fest because nobody’s dicks touched.  I would call it a Peen Parade. Lots of dudes and shitty gaudy parade clothing.

Like Home Alone 2, we are lost in New York. Everything about this chapter is like:

No seriously.  So. Many. Questions. I will get back to those. For the sake of being linear I want to address something. That fuckass bitchass assass voicemail that IT left to MAXWELL. I am over here listening like:

I have a phone too Demon.  Why didn’t you ring up MY line directly?  I know why: You’s a bitch. Not that Meredith Brooks “I’m-gonna-reclaim-bitch” bitch or Lizzo’s “I’m-100%-that-bitch” bitch. Nah. I mean bitch as in you are a coward. Also, this is a fuckass task to set up some real fuckery in the coming chapters. Maybe even force a book three.  

I am surprised that the Demon didn’t show up at all. In fact, the Demon has been conveniently absent a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exactly looking to see that dusty heifer befoul my sight.  But the Demon not being around means that IT is up to something. What that something is, I don’t know.  

For instance IT could be also looking for Tariq too.  Tariq could be minding his business at some riddiculously expensive restaurant doing a great job at being not in Cordonia but a shitty job at keeping a low profile. 

He is talking to a waiter like “I would like to go off menu and have a fillet mignon, medium rare but slightly more rare than medium with a Bearnaise sauce…” Before the waiter can tell him that he can’t go off the menu like that, the Demon shows up in a hoodie and Drake’s sunglasses like this:

“How 'bout a side of knife?” IT says and then stabs Tariq in the chest. I mean Connie may not literally be a MurderKing, but that demon being a MurderQueen2B? Would not put it past IT.  

Also can we talk about the ring, why did A Demon use Dean’s engagement ring from RoE? I thought IT would have at least wanted William’s ring from RoE. Then again, the ring is to symbolize a union with a man IT doesn’t give a solitary fuck about what so ever.  If she doesnt care about the man why would she care about the ring?  Personally, I am just going to take it as one of many indications that this was indeed a fuckass errand.

Drake was there, he wants to dress up Liam like a pirate.

Okay, with that out the way.

Well questions.

Drake, I know that you are simple ass dude kind of dude. I can appreciate that.  I just can’t suspend my disbelief that you are really going wedding gift shopping for your best friend who is a monarch at NotIKEA or at a hardware store. What are you thinking? I know this has more to do with PB only having so many backgrounds than Drake actually being this inept. PB either make the background you need or rethink your story.  

Anyway the whole point of the shopping trip is to gift Liam Jess’s compass from RoE and for PB to force Halle to demonstrate terrible taste by putting Drake in those god awful sunglasses.  Drake didn’t protest because he only knows about whiskey, beige food and meat, and whatever his official job is in court.  Issa look. I will get back to these terrible ass clothes later.  Just know I am in my feelings.

This UN dinner is a fraud! How did Halle have to talk to some Italian ambassador in Capri but doesn’t talk to a single dignitary other than the Champagne Mami? How come Halle had to be there, Liam has to be there, Champagne Mami has to be there but the Demon is conveniently missing? 

What about the rest of the female members of the court? 

A UN dinner is the perfect place for a multiligual, ambitious woman like Kiara who would like to work for any of the foreign ministries to network.  I will not under any circumstances believe that Kiara was like “It’s ShondaThursday. I can’t!” Especially in the age of DVR and HULU.  Apparently Kiara was there in passing.  She was the one who recommended the roof to Maxwell.  Knew that Kiara is too smart to pass up this opportunity.  Still sucks not to see her though.

I could believe that Penelope would skip this.  Penelope hates parties like this which is something that she said at the last foreign dignitary party. The Demon isn’t going to be there. Penelope can be like “Well if Madeleine isn’t gonna be there, I am skipping the bullshit too.  If anyone is looking for me I will be hugging up on some dogs at the animal shelter. Deuces." 

I might believe that Olivia may not show up for a few reasons. One, free food and booze is not a motivator for her as it is for the rest of us simpletons. Nothing is as good as anything in Lythikos. Even the air in Lythikos is more airy-er. NY air smells like piss.  Olivia could skip the entirety of NY for that reason alone. Two, since the courting season or whatever Olivia does not give a fuck about participating in royal court.  She’ll be there when she’ll be there. Lastly but also most importantly, Connie done fucked up when he thought to threaten The Duchess of Lythikos. Olivia is a lot of things, but she isn’t the one.  Sure ain’t. Olivia didn’t come to that sad, retirement community center party because she was busy doing this:

Making some calls…

Training…

She is coming for that ass Connie.  She may pull the plug before Halle.  The only thing that could possibly keep Connie from getting his whole ass handed to him by Olivia as opposed to aggressive end stage lung cancer is if Connie tells her the whole truth about her parents.  I could see Olivia at least pausing to get those answers. Then she’ll be like:

Why isn’t Hana there? She is a member of the court and has no reason to miss this.  It’s not like she is scouring New York for practice puss.  I can appreciate that so much of Hana’s life is in flux right now. However I do not see Hana as the type to just let herself be driftless without some kind of anchor even during a time like this.  While she is unsure of what she wants or what’s next I think that Hana would have still come to the UN shindig.  If anything else, Hana knows how to be at an event like this, can benefit from networking, and it could be affirming for Hana. Not in this massive way but in that she knows how to do this. So I call bullshit.

Hana can’t be in attendance but Maxwell can be there to embarass the whole fuck out himself? I know you have home training.  Why are you like this? It’s not the time to literally play with your food. Maxwell really has no sense of time and place whatsoever. This is why Bertrand has to get you together sometimes.

As for the Champagne Mami herself, I really like her. I know that she could be in on the fuckery if not an active participant of whatever that Demon is up to. However, I still really like her and I am going to make her my mom now.  I could see Champagne Mami and Halle just living, enjoying each other’s company. They are cackling in the corner of some stuffy ass party in the UK. Waiter: Would you like some spotted dick? Adelaide: Are the spots something that can be cleared up with antibiotics? Asking for a friend. Halle: Girl, you so bad! Adelaide: No you are. *They cackle together loudly*

So, at any minute PB is just gonna be like:

So the Demon is not even the duchess of its country, just a county. Your inferiority is showing again heifer.  Maybe the Demon takes all of its time wielding the little power IT has in a way that inflicts pain because it reflects how truly powerless IT feels. Hmm.

That tidbit came from the .000003 seconds that Justin dropped by.  He certainly made his time count.  If I have to assemble a team to beat A Demon I am picking Justin and Olivia.  Dassit. Justin is a great strategist that can outsmart the Demon and Olivia is additional brain power + brawn.

I am really happy for Maxwell stans.  Y'all have been waiting, biding your time, and your patience and persistence has paid off. I am hoping that the romance upgrade includes some character development for him. I did not play the scene for romance but Halle and Maxwell do have a real moment where she thanks him for making this experience happen for her. If Maxwell didn’t think that Halle could make Liam happy he would not have been inspired to sponsor her.  His sponsorship made this whole experience possible. So even when he regresses in a way that makes me wonder if he has any untreated brain injuries, this whole experience is thanks to him. I am glad that is acknowledged in writing.

Maxwell stans you are one step closer to making this happen:

I am happy with the Liam diamond scene this week.  He is literally crazy in love with Halle.  I ain’t mad at it.  He gets sweeter and sweeter every time we are alone with him.  He is so sweet I am actually concerned that Halle is going to wake up and Liam has transformed into a Haribo gummy bear.

But Liam also did this:

What are you trying to say? This only tells me that Liam hasn’t actually tasted a Cordonian Ruby straight from the tree recently if not longer. I think Liam’s perpetual boner for Cordonia could be having an adverse affect on his taste buds. Them apples are nasty raw. Just a fact.

I know if Liam and Halle were to literally start fucking in Central Park, Hana stans would rightfully start a riot. With that said, I know that he has that on a list somewhere.

These clothes.  Bruh.  We need to talk. 

Drake’s was the least offensive since it was really the sunglasses that killed it. 

Halle’s dress is kind of matronly.  It reminiscent of what a girl would wear to a cotillion.  Halle is literally waiting to be presented to black high society arm in arm with the son of Dr. and Mrs. Henry Fontaine. And even when Liam got to dress down, Halle had to stay in this awful get up.  So now Halle has to be out here looking like some budget Glinda the good witch holding hands with a dude in joggers. Yuck!

As for Liam’s outfit, I am here for the tight shirt, I am not as bothered by the novelty aspect of it (it might be kind of cute). Liam picked the pants. I now know that Liam has never shopped for his own clothes a day in his life and it should remain that way. Liam has many talents but clothes shopping ain’t one.  Liam is a fucking king and he can live without ever having to learn. He will be just fine.

What really has me feeling a way about these clothes is two things.  One, for all of these cothing options you have to pay diamonds.  You pay your hard earned money to dress poorly.  Spending that money but still coming out like Ugly Betty. On top of that insult, not only did you spend money on this, PB has the whole entire nerve to blame Halle (MC) partially (Liam, Halle made the top) or entirely (Drake’s outfit is all Halle) for these poor satorial choices.  Halle’s character has been assassinated y'all.  Halle has been defamed.

So Bertie is back just in time to tell us that we are going to LA to look for Tariq.  I am not sure what finding Tariq is going to do.  Connie is the one behind all of the bullshit.  Unless the Demon did something to blackmail Connie, I don’t see how this clears the way for Liam and Halle to get married.  Also, I guess your enemies did get bolder Connie.  How effective is your leadership if the Demon can blackmail its way directly to the throne?  Also, what does the Demon have over you that you just can’t diffuse?

So we are going, going, off, off ,to Cali, Cali. At least Liam is letting us use his jet. How much do you want to bet that we are going to end up on a beach so PB can use that beach background?  Maxwell stans are probably going to taste Maxwell’s dick before Drake stans will taste his. That has to sting, but not as much as Hana stans not having a passing mention of Hana in this chapter. Y'all better get your ducats ready. Liam stans may not really see Liam. I am a little sad, but PB is not disrespecting me as intensely and thoroughly so Imma shut up and let it stand.

I still want a panda for my royal wedding. I would also like to kick that demon into a pit 300 style.

Also wrapping up my first fan fic.  I hope to have it out in the next couple of days. “Why am I saying that here?” asked nobody.  I need peer pressure to make me stop being so nervous and get it done.

[urburn]

dear...

i know you’re sleeping or probably working knowing your schedule but I’ve worked out tonight that my circle of people i talk to about my depression is very very very small. to be exact only 2 people know of my crumbling mental state and im only comfortable enough with 1 to open up about it all without hiding it like i do when you all see me. i think a lot of them know that i get depressed at times but i don’t like talking about it or showing it to anyone especially you guys so yeah I worked out tonight that even tho you guys know a bit about it, I’m not comfortable talking to you about it. and i don’t think that’s healthy but i don’t know what to do.

i tried talking to EC but it just doesn’t feel right. i tried dethan and he somehow made it about himself. it’s probably my fault because i don’t act like it so it doesn’t seem like im asking for help but mate, i don’t really know what to do. i want to be able to talk to you guys about it all but i don’t know how to or even if i want to. i know you’ll all be there for me but it just all feels fake, like they’re just going though the motions of what they’re meant to say when someone seems down.

i guess im telling you this because it seems like you’re similar to me, i think idk. now i think about it maybe im wrong. idk you’re one of my oldest friends but we never see eachother anymore so idk.

look basically tonight was fucking funny, i would have roasted anyone in my position and i am having a laugh. but it’s just happened to come around when im in a low period which has been going on for like 2 weeks now and like even tho i know my mates are joking, i keep telling myself that it’s all true and it’s basically reinforcing and validating the negative talk i keep telling myself.

i think the most cursed thing is the fact that the night was when i decided fuck it let’s just get back into getting with people after jess. like i did bits here and there and had a few things but like that was the first time i think i deserved it like i felt good about myself. it felt like i was finally starting to stop blaming and torturing myself over jess but it feels like the universe is like fucking sike.

idk what im doing hey, the person i normally talk to went to bed so I’m just kinda lost with what to do and who to talk to so im just sending it and hoping this isn’t a burden on you because i kinds just need to talk.

and to be honest im too scared to send any of this to you. It feels like if i do then shit becomes real. so im probably just gonna retreat to my tumblr and post this there. you’ll probably never see this but I’ve typed it so might as well document it so i can laugh at myself when i supress it all again. anyway, thanks for your time my guy over the years dude.

[wincensfw-blog]

Queen of the Damned

I just rewatched this movie because I was moving and found it in my boxes and I am honestly disappointed by it. I'll explain why.

Queen of the damned is a tale about the vampire Lestat (I know how it's name, I'm just cutting through the bullshit because you won't see the queen that much). It's an adaptation of the book Lestat by Anne Rice. Lestat wakes up after centuries of sleep, intrigued by the sound a local band produces in an abandonnes house. He goes to them and promises them fame and success if they accept him in their band. They do and it's how the movie/book starts. I'll explain in clear points what was negative and positive. We'll start with negative.

The baiting :

This is the jacket, what I see is Akasha (played by Aaliyah) on front with behind her Lestat (Stuart Townsend). So, you would assume by this presentation that Akasha would have an important screentime right ? SIKES, you were wrong ! She is first introduced at 30:11 in the movie (as a fucking statue, a very pretty one though), and she disappears until 49:25 in, where we get to see more of her character. So yeah, if I come for a powerful black lead, I'd like to see them for more than half the movie. Thanks.

The symbolism

We start strong with a black vampire royalty (I was so fucking happy like I remember jumping up and down as a kid), but Akasha kills Enkil. I mean if she wants to reign alone and have all the power she desires, good, perfect even. She don't need no man ! But then, she gets this infatuation about Lestat because what... He shows himself as he truly is to mortals ? I guess it's enough to be friends but give him the title of king ? Try again.

He doesn't have what it takes to be king but I liked this couple because they could have had something. Turns out no. He just betrays him for the love interest who is a whole other negative point to herself. Which leaves him to rule the vampire world with his girl, who happens to be white. Yeah... See what it did there ? Black excellence replaced by white mediocrity. Again.

(Okay maybe I'm reading too much into this, racism is not everywhere but you have to admit that it's... meeeeh.)

Jesse

I know it was a popular trope to have some common girl discover her love into powerful supernatural beings (Bella in twilight, Luce in the Damned series are examples between SO many other) but I swear, why couldn't they make them... I don't know, less common ? And I know it was intentional when I see the panel of characters that we had : The band (they have really diverse styles in them and I think they are inspired by Kurt Cobain, Jolyne in JJBA, Yasu in Nana, etc...), Enki and Akasha, Marius and the international vampires, Lestat, most of the people seen in every big location (The concert, the club, etc...). Add to this that the costumers are very talented so yeah.

And I know that in every movies we need a character that teenage girls in heat need to identify to for mercy purposes, etc... but for fuck sakes she is just irritating. Jesse is a cocktail of bad decisions, trying too hard and please-take-me-oh-weird-stranger. Her whole plot line is boring to me. Like wow, your aunt was a vampire, you study supernatural, good for you dude. But she is better than Bella though.

The vampires

Why so little vampire ? Why so cliché ? Why are they afraid of Lestat and not Akasha ? Why is it so easy to kill them ? Is there a hierarchy other than royalty and the rest I wasn't informed of ?

They focused too much on the romantic aspects and that leaves less time to focus on universe elements (yeah, that's in writing 101, organise what you write so you can explain). They focused so much on it I'm surprised they didn't do a Suicide Squad introduction of characters (just kidding, it's just me being bitter).

Akasha

She's my boo. She's beauty, she's grace, she'll bite you in the face but the demeanour oh dear lord. Did the producers really had to make her belly dance everytime she moved ? And out auto tune on her voice ? No. It's kind of distracting actually but it has it's charm. She's extra.

(By the way, I know damn well that Suicide Squad got REALLY FUCKING INSPIRED BY THIS BECAUSE WHEN YOU SEE THEIR GODDAMN ENCHANTRESS IT'S A WHITE AND MEDIOCRE VERSION OF AKASHA SO FUCK OFF AND GO BACK INTO YOUR LANE WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE. AND CARA DELEVIGNE CAN'T ACT FOR SHIT SO YOU CAN'T EVEN PASS IT OFF AS AN HOMMAGE NOW.)

And I don't think writing her to be this over-confident personality who is so confident in herself she cannot fathom that someone would betray her until it becomes almost naive was a good idea. I think Akasha would actually be more vigilante and careful about who she thrusts and who she includes in her inner circles, that would make her an even more interesting villain since she wouldn't be blinded by her confidence. (I haven't finished Anne Rice's book yet but I don't think she would write Akasha like that either, it's just seemed like an easy out for me). Maybe making her triumph over all of the other vampires and actually seek some sort of punishment for Lestat could have been interesting. I mean, if you replaced the pseudo-build up of Lestat and Jesse's Romane, you could use this time to actually develop something like that. An interesting point.

Anyway, on to the positive points now.

Akasha

I know, I know she was in the negative points but she's what made this movie really interesting for me. I loved her the second she appeared on screen. She has good lines, is well played, somewhat funny and she knows what she wants. She is determined and you don't want to see her defeated in the end.

The soundtracks

Amazing, it's what introduced me to rock and metal music. When you see the whole line up for a movie like this I have to applause. Honestly, you can go and watch the movie only for the soundtracks, they convey the atmosphere in such way you can't mistake in what kind of movie you are. 10/10.

The costumes

They are diverse, very pretty and do their jobs of underlining what is important about the characters (wealth and power for Akasha, originality for the band, Bdsm and darkness for the vampires, plain for Jesse).

Marius

He is the comic relief but on contrary of many other you can't just say he's here only for the laughs and you could take him out it wouldn't change a thing because it'd be false. He is a father figure for Lestat, his conscience in some way. Plus I like the game he plays with David.

The cinematography

Maybe it's just me but I real love it when movies have this darkness about them. With dark colours and tones. Well I'm a big fan of 1995-2010 horror movies. You know what I am talking about, the Friday 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street, House of wax kind of atmosphere.

The decors

Just the bath scene is enough for me (bath, sex, roses, Aaliyah and Deftones ? I'm in) but I can't say I don't adore he rest of them. The crypt, The beach, Death Valley, where Lestat found the band, everything. This movie is magnificent when it comes to details.

So yeah. It's my humble opinion on the matter. It really is a good movie even though I stated it's negative points. Queen of the damned is worth watching and rewatching. Go ahead, be a pig, grab popcorn, your favourite underwear and enjoy.