#jess pretends to have a life

[sarcasticallyinclined]

i forgot to take my adhd meds so i spent 3 hours making a shipping chart instead of like. having dinner

[sarcasticallyinclined]

THANK U I LOVE THEM and yes i still have kirby squeak squad and i've completed it like seven times

and bubble was a very good choice, i love the all the iridescent highlights

Happy birthday to my favorite sibling, @sarcasticallyinclined !!! 🎂🎈🎆

You asked for a Kirby magical girl, so I decided to do Bubble Kirby from Squeak Squad since that was the first one we played (and I think you still have it???).

[stranger-awakening]

it's actually so embarrassing when someone i know in real life asks me about my writing because it's like yeah i'm a writer i'll always be a writer but that very much just manifests with fics these days and i'm not about to tell my manager that so i have to pull up some vague oc idea that's been rolling around in my head for over a decade to cover my own ass but that requires the precursor of hey this is an idea i've had since i was a teenager and then it looks like i'm not writing at all and that is only partially true and so on and so forth

[ghost-with-a-teacup]

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐈𝐧 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 (𝐈𝐈)

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x F!Reader

Summary: After you reveal the truth of what your relationship really was between you and Miguel, everyone's keen on learning more. So what better way to give a little more insight than a dinner at your shared home?

Warnings: None~ Just back again with silly shenanigans and the softest of fluff :3

A/N: Hello, everyone! After the first part of 'What's In Between' blew up (you can read it here, thank you so much by the way, you're all so sweet), many people have asked for a part two, so here it is! Enjoy <3

The moment you break the news to them, the volume of the table booms to a fever pitch as everyone begins talking at the same time.

“W-WHAT?!”

“Married? No way,” Hobie says.

“How long have you been together?” Pavitr asks.

“I can’t say I saw this coming…” Miles says, eyes widening in surprise.

Miguel had been watching you the moment you snuck up on the group, but with the newfound panic from everyone he couldn’t help but make his way over to the commotion.

“You’re all being loud, what are you yelling about now?” Miguel asks, walking over and standing by your side.

“HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US YOU WERE MARRIED?!” Gwen shouts.

“You never asked,” he blinks, “and also, it’s none of your business.”

“Miguel, as your best friend I am deeply offended that you haven’t told me after this long, does our friendship mean nothing to you?” Peter says, hand on his chest in pretend hurt.

“You are not my best friend,” Miguel deadpans.

“After I opened up to you no less, I mean, you were the first person I told about Mayday! All the details-” he continues, ignoring the comment.

“Not by choice,” he mutters.

“Does no one know about this?? At all???” Pavitr asks, “I mean, you two are married.”

“I mean, Jess knows about it,” you gesture, and she only grins.

“And now all of you do too,” Miguel sighs. “Vida mía, I thought we talked about this,” he admonishes.

“Oh, c’mon, it was cute how they were all trying to figure it out for so long. I was starting to feel bad,” you say, smoothing your hair back. He only stares at you for a moment before sighing.

“Fine,” he relents, “Can’t do anything about it now anyway.” He smiles softly at you, and the group watches in awe as their cold leader softens in your presence, but his gaze quickly grows dark as he turns back to the group.

“One word of this to anyone outside of this group,” he says with a pointed finger before trailing off, allowing everyone to fill in the blanks as to what he might do.

Everyone’s faces pale like a sheet at the unnamed threat (well, except for Hobie, he only watches with blatant amusement on his face), but you only laugh.

“Miguel, don’t threaten the kids,” you giggle. “Don’t worry, he’s all bark and no bite,” you whisper to them with a wink.

“Hey, that’s what I say!” Peter says.

“You are his best friend after all,” you grin.

“I have never said those words a day in my life,” he scoffs, but you ignore him, eyes lighting up with an idea.

“Oh! I have a lovely idea, how about you all swing by our place for dinner later? We never have guests,” you suggest.

Gwen gasps, “Really?”

“This…maybe doesn’t seem like the best idea,” Miles says as he shrinks down in his seat at Miguel’s glare towards you.

“I have plans tonight…though I don’t think they’d mind if I cancel,” Hobie says nonchalantly, but everyone knew there was no way in hell he’d miss something like this.

“What am I, cat litter?” Jess asks. She was the only person to have been at your shared home, having joined around the same time as you, and being one of the few people Miguel fully trusts.

“You know it's not like that, Jess,” you turn to her with a grin.

“Absolutely not, it's already a liability that they know querida, now you want them traipsing into our home?” Miguel argues, and you narrow your eyes at him, never one to back down from a fight. While it got on his nerves, it's what he loved about you too. He needed someone that wouldn’t take his shit.

“Miguel,” you say, giving him a look. “All our enemies are literally in alternate universes who, aside from those small tears, have no way to go cross-dimensional, let alone find us in the expanse of a universe. Besides, I think it would be nice,” you say, and Mayday seems to agree since she climbs right up into your arms, babbling happily.

“And don’t think I don’t know you have a soft spot for this lil ragtag team,” you smile, bouncing up and down as Mayday laughs.

He huffs, “I am anything but soft, especially for them. They never listen, don’t follow protocol, are immature, and the list goes on.”

“He’s lying,” you whisper, covering your mouth from his direction as though that would stop him from happening. Mayday grabs your hand though, playing with your fingers happily. “See how his ears are turning red?”

At that, his ears turn more red and the group tries to stifle their snickers to no avail.

“Querida,” he warns. “Do you feel the need to share anything else about me? Or have you had enough,” he asks, poking your shoulder. You place a hand on his bicep with a gentle smile, and his expression softens much to his dismay.

“Honey, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you grin. “Alright, it’s settled then! You’re all coming over tonight.”

~

You hummed softly to yourself as you moved around the kitchen, preparing the food for dinnertime when everyone would be coming over.

Then, you feel the hair rise on the back of your neck as a familiar presence makes himself known, strong arms wrapping around your waist as his head rests on top of yours.

“Vida mía, the food smells good,” he says softly before sighing. “But I’m not very happy with you today.”

You let out a sigh of your own as you turn off the stove before turning around in his arms to face him.

“Miguel, my love,” you say, smoothing out the collar of the pullover he wore before looking up at him. “I know you well, don’t I?”

“More than anyone,” he says, the corner of his mouth lifting the tiniest amount as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Then it’s safe to assume that you’ve been wanting to hang out with more people in the Society apart from work-related things?” you ask, placing your hand on his chest.

“I can’t afford anything like that in this line of work, you know that querida,” he sighs, that familiar hardened look in his eyes for a moment.

“Miguel, your only friends can’t be me, Lyla and Jess,” you pout.

“Vida mía, you are my wife,” he says.

“Yes, and it's miracle enough that I was able to grow close enough to you to get to that point,” you chuckle, “so my existence in your life is proof itself that you are capable of growing close to people. I’ve seen you, I think you’re ready and deep down I know you don’t always want to be perceived as the cold and unfeeling leader of the Society. Why not start with them?”

“That’s not a decision for you to make,” he says, glancing away from you.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” you apologize, feeling a bit guilty that you threw Miguel into this without warning. “I should have spoken to you about it first but who knows. Maybe this is a good thing, opening your heart a little more,” you explain. “Don’t think I realize you’re the hardest on them because you believe in them,” you smile.

He huffs before pausing to think for a moment. “Sometimes I wonder when you snuck your little way into my head, querida.”

“Admit it, you’re growing soft,” you giggle softly.

“Never,” he counters, tickling your side which makes you scrunch up your face as you laugh breathlessly.

“OKAY! Okay, you’re one soft fluffy teddy bear, happy?” you say which only makes him continue with even more fervour.

“That is the most ridiculous thing I think I have ever heard you say, querida,” he snorts but finally relents.

“Yeah….I can’t even say that with a serious face,” you chuckle. “But you do have your moments, tough guy,” you smile, leaning up on your tippy toes to press a kiss to his lips.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” he rolls his eyes. That’s when the doorbell rings, and immediately your eyes light up.

“Oh! They’re here!!” you say excitedly, escaping from his grasp as you move to open up the door.

“Here we go,” he murmurs to himself, and you turn to face him.

“What was that?” you ask.

“Nothing, vida mía,” he replies, and you narrow your eyes in disbelief.

“Behave, Miguel,” you tell him.

“Wouldn’t dream of anything else,” he replies, and you grin before opening up the front door.

There, you find Miles, Gwen, Pavitr, Peter (alongside Mayday of course), Hobie and Jess all standing outside, chatting amongst themselves before turning to you.

Miles almost looks like he’s in disbelief like he couldn’t really believe this was your home quite yet.

“Hi!” Gwen starts.

“Took you lot long enough,” Hobie says. “Was starting to think we'd have to build a fire and cook it ourselves.” Gwen punches his shoulder, to which he lets out a little “Ow!”

“Sorry about him,” Gwen apologizes.

You just find yourself laughing at it all though.

“No apologies needed, we were a little preoccupied. Come on in, make yourself at home,” you say, opening the door a little wider for them to make their way through.

“Not too at home though,” you hear Miguel say, leaning into the foyer from the living room, arms crossed over his chest.

“Ignore him,” you say, giving him a pointed look to which he just stares at you blankly. “Dinner will be ready soon, I just have to set the table and we can eat, alright?”

“It smells delicious,” Pavitr says, “I’m starving.”

Mayday seems to agree as she crawls up from the baby carrier onto Peter’s head, making grabby hands from the top.

“Someone’s hungry,” Peter chuckles. “Got anything she can eat?”

“I have a few things, don’t worry,” you smile.

“It really does smell really good though, but it always does,” Jess adds.

“It’s nothing special,” you say sheepishly. “Just some of Miguel’s favourites.”

You guide them all into the living room. “Settle in! I’ll be done in a snap,” you say.

As you make your way back to the kitchen (with Jess joining you to help out), back in the living room the squad of spiders settle in almost hesitantly, a watchful eye monitoring all of their reactions.

No one dares say anything, only sitting around nervously.

“So…nice weather we’re having,” Peter says, trying to lighten the mood but even Mayday gives him a deadpanned expression.

Miguel sighs. “You’re all acting like there’s a ticking time bomb waiting for you to speak before setting off,” he says, still leaning up against the doorway.

“We don’t know, mate. Is there?” Hobie jokes, but Miles’ face drops anyway.

“There isn’t, for the record. I can be harsh but I’m not evil,” Miguel scoffs before making eye contact with Pavitr who looks like he wanted to ask something but was holding back.

“One question,” he says simply with a nod.

“How long have you two been together?”

“…a little over 4 years now,” he replies.

“How did you meet?” Gwen asks.

“I said one question,” he says before your voice cuts in.

“My universe was one of the first he visited! He hated me back then, though,” you laugh as you walk back in. “Speaking of which!! I have some things you might all want to see after dinner,” you grin mischievously.

“I thought you said I was the one that had to behave, mi corazón,” Miguel says, a warning tone in his voice.

“And I am, aren’t I?” you say, poking his side playfully. “Anyway, dinner’s ready,” you say, leading them to the dining room. “I know it's not much but-”

“How in the hell is this not much??” Hobie exclaims, and you just shrug. “You should see dinner with my family, then you will think that it’s not much,” you say with a chuckle.

On the table sat a wide expanse of food, all of Miguel’s favourites from Mexico. Empanadas as the appetizer, alongside pozole, ceviche, enchiladas, and chicken with mole poblano all served with a side of rice, beans, or homemade corn tortillas depending on each person’s preference.

You can see Miguel’s eyes visibly brighten as he looks at the food, settling in at the head of the table with you by his side.

“Come eat!” As you say that, everyone sits down before beginning to eat, everyone heading straight to what appealed to them the most.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted,” Miles says, eyes closed in bliss.

“Oye, don’t let your Mother hear that, kid,” Miguel says, but the corner of his lip was upturned in the tiniest of smiles. The most he would allow himself around this many people.

“Thank you, Miles,” you smile.

“This, uhh, how do you say it again? Poh-zuhl?” Gwen asks, and you laugh out loud as she turns pink, meanwhile both Miguel and Miles cringe slightly.

“I’m sorry for laughing, sweetheart. You’re almost there; it’s pronounced like ‘poh-zoh-lay’,” you say kindly.

“Ohh, okay gotcha. Pozole. It’s really good! Feels…comforting, almost,” she says.

“Yes,” you say, glancing at your husband with a soft smile, “it’s Miguel’s favourite. Says it ‘tastes like home’.” A chorus of ‘awws’ go around the table, while Miguel only holds the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

“Alright, alright. Enough with the cheesy stuff, let’s get back to eating, yeah?” Hobie says before shoving his fork back into his mouth.

~

Once dinner was finished (and after both Miles and Gwen insisted that they did the dishes despite much argument from you), everyone was settled again in the living room laughing and talking together, and while Miguel only said a few things here and there and sat by your side like a lost puppy, he did seem to be enjoying himself.

“Alright! Now, before everyone goes back home, I have one more thing I’d like to show you,” you say once it quiets down a bit. Standing up, you make your way over to a large bookshelf you and Miguel had built together when you first moved in together.

“I’ve gotten tired of having only myself to show these photos to, so this is the perfect opportunity,” you smile.

“Querida-” Miguel says, holding out a hand to block your way but you look at him with pleading eyes, and he can’t do anything but relent. He couldn’t say no when you looked at him like that.

With a triumphant ‘haha!’ you grab a photo album labelled with a date and a single word; ‘Ours’.

Everyone crowds around as you place it down on the coffee table, and you open it up to the first page.

Gwen is the one that gasps first, eyes wide with awe.

“You both look so beautiful,” she says softly.

There, front and centre was a photo of you and Miguel on your wedding day. You were smiling wide at the camera, a bouquet of your favourite flowers in hand while Miguel only looked at you with an expression so in awe it was as though you painted the stars in the sky.

“You clean up nicely, big man,” Hobie comments, and Pavitr nods.

“Weddings, my favourite,” Jess says, a fond expression on her face as she thinks back to her own husband.

“I had a bird fly into my face at my wedding…but they are nice,” Peter says, rocking Mayday gently as she naps away after the hearty dinner even despite the commotion.

You continue to flip through the photobook, pausing periodically for a little anecdote about each one. Miguel had long stood up to make room for everyone else, but he looked at you in the same way he did on your wedding day.

Like you were the light of his life, the one good thing he had amongst the millions of universes parallel to his own. Like you were his everything.

~

“Admit it, you like them,” you smile, the house finally quiet after everyone headed home. He only rolls his eyes before pulling you into his lap, his face going into the crook of your neck as he holds you close.

“There is a big difference between ‘liking’ and ‘tolerating’, sweetheart,” he says, rubbing circles into your hip soothingly.

“Yeah, yeah, tough guy. Whatever you say,” you reply, wrapping your arms around his neck and settling into his touch with a happy sigh.

You both sit there for a moment in silence, the two of you weren’t ones to fill silence with mindless chatter. If words needn’t be said then they weren’t.

“That was…nice, though,” he admits softly after a little while.

“I know,” you whisper.

~

~

~

“That won’t happen again for a long while though,” he says, pulling away to look at you, crimson eyes pleading with you wordlessly.

You can’t do anything but laugh.

Taglist (for those who requested a part two): @lotustv @mars-ifuknowmeirlplsgoaway @elliewilliamsactualgf @randomhumans-blog @iluvkonig @phillygraves @gothgirlziez

[ellieslittleslutt]

College!Ellie Head cannons

i saw @cheyisagirlkisser do this and i love it so much so please go check out her page, i literally start fan girling over what she writes🙏

MEN DNI!!!

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ majors in engineering and sometimes takes art classes if she feels like it.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ ellie’s dorm is basically just a display case of everything she likes. she has her limited edition comics up, dinosaurs figures, posters and vinyls all around.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ this girl cannot stay up past midnight. by 10 she’s already crawling into bed getting her phone out to doom scroll until she passes out.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ i know she has a whole collection of funky socks in her wardrobe. she picks certain pairs based off her outfit or her mood.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ listens to music like a life line. whenever she’s walking to class or in class she always has an earbud in blasting her music.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ she just randomly has a tattoo gun in her dorm and whenever she gets bored she gives herself a new tattoo.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ in the kitchen she has a certain section of the fridge she dedicated to her funky magnets and the rest of the block caught on adding their own and she loves it.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ the day joel was helping her move in the first thing she did was plan out all her posters and where her action figures are.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ joined a dnd campaign and plays with them three times a week and sometimes you tag along just to watch her get into the story. you love how passionate she can get with it.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ her diet is mainly just granola bars and fruits she keeps in a small basket snacking on them through the day.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ she really really likes taking your clothes. if you guys just had sex she will take your panties or tank top that you wore and keeps them in its own spot in her wardrobe. you’re aware that she does this but pretends that you don’t know so that you can watch her get red when you ask about it.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚speaking of sex she gets shy each time staying under the blankets while you finger her (loves being sub)

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ loves skin to skin so much that each night you come over she’ll sleep only in her boxers cuddled to you.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ she brought her ps4 down into the tv room so she can play all her games and her dorm mates hate it so much. once she got really high and went down to play uncharted waking everyone up.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ her sketch book is filled with sketches of you doing random things and just cats. whenever shes out she takes her sketch book with her and sketches each cat she sees and then goes to pet it.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ when she misses you she’ll lie in bed listening to your playlist on the brink of tears, you just went the grocery store to get her snacks.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ actually really good at turning in work but gets so stressed doing it you have to sit there with her helping her through it (can be taken two ways)

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ hates getting drunk but loves getting high but the one down side is that it’s harder to hide from her RA.

˖⋆𐙚₊˚ when she gets dragged out to a party by dina and jesse she mainly stands around following them around not knowing what to do so she just listens.

a/n she’s such a cutie patootie and sorry if this sucks i’m half awake rn and barely able to type.

[seokgyuu]

→ GENRE: smut, college au, crack, angst, bits of fluff MDNI! → PAIRING: Jeonghan x Afab!Fem!Reader (Feat. Seokmin x Afab!Fem!Reader & Seungcheol x Afab!Fem!Reader) → SYNOPSIS: you have never been a person who turns down a challenge, but when your best friend challenges you to hook up with 13 boys in one semester you kind of wish you were.

→ WARNINGS: mentions of death and funerals, alcohol consumption, angst, lowkey depression or at least depressive phase, multiple smut scenes, p in v sex, unprotected sex (who would have thought!), degradation (usage of words: slut, whore), car sex, fingering, more p in v sex, more fingering but in a public space, anal sex, cum play, tell me if i missed anything! → RATING: M

→ WORD COUNT: 17k

previous ; masterlist ; next A/N: oh... hi! guess what!! this is the last chapter before the epilogue!!! oh my god. thank you to everyone who has been reading this absolute chaos of a fic. as always i wanna thank @wongyuseokie for the amazing banner & divider! i also wanna thank @bitchlessdino for betaing this for me! ilysm! also @starlightkyeom for knowing nothing about the fic but reading over a portion for me i wasn't so sure about!! ily jess <3 alright, i have decided to put the taglist at the end for once, so don't be alarmed!! have fun reading and remember we writers thrive on replies, reblogs and asks about our work! (also lets pretend i was punctually with the date)

The atmosphere was gloomy. The rows were filled with people, quiet classical music was accompanying the figures walking into the room one by one. With everyone dressed in black, it almost felt like a black and white movie had it not been for the ray of sunshine shining onto the casket standing at the front of the room. 

When everyone found a place to sit, Soonyoung slowly walked over to the podium, completely dressed in black - he had even dyed his hair for the occasion. He held onto the wood in front of him and looked over at the casket, a single tear dropping from his eye that he was quick to wipe away. 

“Thank you all for coming,” he said. “I am sure she would be thankful for every single one of you.”

The faces in the front rows looked sad, not a single smile to be seen. Seungcheol next to Vernon, Seungkwan to his right. Then there were Jihoon and Joshua, Mingyu and Wonwoo. Chan and Minghao, Jun and Seokmin. Even Jeonghan sat there, a tissue tapping onto his eyes. 

“Y/N was a kind, kind soul,” Soonyoung continues. “Kind and outgoing, she would always be there for her friends.” He paused and looked into the audience, searching for one specific face he didn’t seem to find. Clearing his throat, he got back on track.

“She was funny and adventurous, and her biggest priority in life was that stupid fucking challenge that now has brought her into the grave.”

“Even before I could hit!” Jeonghan shouted and threw his used tissue at the casket.

The casket you were laying in.

Wait what? 

Soonyoung nodded, pointing his index at Jeonghan with a sob.

“Yes! Yes, Jeonghan, before you could hit. Before she could finish that challenge that destroyed her long year friendship with-“

As if on cue, the doors to the room flew open, a brightly smiling Jiwoo walking in a pink sparkly dress on her small frame in her hands a basket filled with petals of flowers the same color as her dress. She spun around once, letting the petals fall on top of her and onto the floor.

“We are free of her! Finally, finally free!” She cheered and without any hesitation, the whole party of people joined in, music blasting from invisible speakers, everyone’s clothes suddenly in the brightest colors. 

That’s when your body jolted awake, a cold sweat running down your back as you stared into the darkness of your bedroom. Your heart was pounding at triple its usual speed, your hair a mess around your face and it took you a good thirty seconds to understand all of it had been a dream. A dream that, probably, wouldn’t even be too far off in case you did end up dying tomorrow. You fell back down onto the mattress with a sigh, hands rubbing over your face. How awful to dream about your own funeral. And how even more awful to know that your best friend wasn’t your best friend anymore. 

You had never struggled with being alone before. You liked your time alone, liked to be by yourself. Or at least it used to be that way. Because now, as you walked through the busy university campus, you suddenly felt like there was nothing worse than being alone. That was how your days went on, how the last few weeks of the semester flew by. Alone with deadlines that at least kept you busy enough to really notice. You had dropped your Friday class to avoid seeing Mingyu at all costs, and your new go-to coffee shop did not have a barista with the name of Joshua working there. It all could have gone back to normal, avoiding men and doing work for your classes.If only there wasn’t Seungcheol checking in with you every few days, making sure you were okay and not beating yourself up too much.

He was somehow the only person not making you feel worse even though he probably should have been the number one man to avoid. His calls lifted you up, and made you feel like at least one person still cared about you in this mess. Made you feel like you didn’t completely fuck up your life, your friendships, and possibly the relationships between several people. Whenever you asked him about him and Jiwoo, he would just say that it was going to get better eventually, that she couldn’t be mad at him forever. You hoped he was right. Not because you had any hope left she would ever stop being mad at you (since you were mad at her too and didn’t think that would change for a while), but because Seungcheol didn’t deserve to be hated by his sister for something you caused. 

“Thank you.” The barista smiled as she handed you your coffee. The pastel colors of the interior soothed you as they always did and when you sat down at one of the tables in the back, your headphones back on your head, you finally allowed yourself to be glad the semester was over. Well, classes were over. The semester technically lasted until the new one started in a couple of months. 

Settled in your seat with a book and some good music blasting in your ear, you were ready to spend the afternoon in the coffee shop - but destiny had a different plan. Your phone went off, a call came in, and your eyes flickered to your screen, your heart jumping when you saw the caller ID. 

“Hi,” you spoke into your phone, your hands clasping around your coffee mug.

“Hey, you.” Cheol’s voice once again calmed you down almost immediately. 

“What’s up?” 

“I wanted to congratulate you on finishing your classes.” The way his voice sounded you knew there was more than just that. You kept quiet, eyebrows slowly raising as you waited for him to keep going.

“And I was wondering if you’d like to join me on a business trip to Singapore for four days. Before you say anything, this trip has been planned for months and my sister was supposed to join but, you know. So, it is already paid for. We have a beautiful hotel with a beautiful pool, the ocean right outside. I think a vacation would be good for you, baby.”

Baby. You couldn’t even fight the heat spreading through your body. You quickly shook your head and cleared your throat, considering his offer for a second. A trip to Singapore with Cheol, already paid for. Taking Jiwoo’s place… it all sounded like a disaster disguised as a free vacation. But then again, you had never been to Singapore before. In fact, you didn’t even remember the last time when you had been on a vacation. Chewing on your bottom lip, you fought with yourself internally. Did you really deserve to go on a vacation? It wasn’t like you weren’t the one responsible for all the damage that had been done, after all. 

This wasn’t an easy decision to make, surely. Your thoughts ran through your mind like they were taking part in a marathon, making it hard to keep track of them. On one hand, a free vacation to one of the most beautiful countries definitely wasn’t in your own budget. On the other hand, though, Seungcheol would be there. Maybe even Seokmin. Jeonghan, perhaps. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. 

“I’ll join the trip on one condition.” 

“Condition?” Seungcheol sounded surprised. For good reason - he was offering you a free trip and you had a condition. Talk about brazen.

“I’ll come on the trip if you agree we won’t have sex.”

There was silence on the other side and you shoved your mug between your hands, glancing around the room and happily noticing that no one was paying you any attention. The other guests were either engulfed in their own conversations or working on their laptops with headphones on. 

“Okay. If that’s what you want, I’ll respect that.”

Now, it took you a few seconds to understand that Seungcheol had agreed without any interference. Your eyebrows lifted and a smile tugged on your lips.

“Alright then. When do we take off?”

It was two days later, when you got another text from Seungcheol. 

Buy yourself some nice things, baby. My treat, of course ;)

The second the ‘ping’ announcing the text had finished ringing in your ears, the doorbell followed suit. Perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised, considering who you were going on vacation with. Quickly, you pressed on Cheol’s contact, calling him as you walked over to your door, calling up whoever was down there. It must have been one of Seungcheol’s men, you were sure. You just didn’t know who it might be.

“Yes, darling?” 

God, the sound of his voice… mixed with the words he said - there was no doubt he didn’t know what he was doing. 

“I thought the whole trip is ‘your treat’, Cheol? What is this about?” 

The small chuckle he let out on the other end of the line made your stomach turn and flip. 

“And it is. But… can a man not want the girl he is courting to have some new clothes to accompany her on the trip?”

Heat immediately started making its way through your body. ‘The girl he is courting’? This little…

“So, what? You’re just deciding I need a new wardrobe for our trip?”

“It doesn’t have to be just clothes, darling. Buy jewelry, a hat, a water bottle. Just let Vernon drive you around the shopping district, alright? Pick whatever you like.”

Vernon was coming? You felt another wave of heat, but this time mixed with ice as well. You hadn’t seen Vernon since that night. Did Seungcheol know about that? He probably did. As much as you wished it wasn’t affecting you anymore - the whole weight of the challenge and what had happened during it caused yet another wave of shame and guilt to almost run you over. Seungcheol was really trying here. Taking you on this trip, even sending someone he most likely knew had slept with you to take you shopping. It felt surreal and it took you a second to notice the knocking on your door. 

“Fine, I’ll go with him. I just-,” you stopped mid sentence, once you had opened the door, expecting to see Vernon and being completely thrown off by it being someone else.

“You just?” Seungcheol sounded a bit confused.

“I just- uh, I just don’t really know what to say.” 

Seokmin was standing in front of your door in a simple gray suit, white button up underneath the jacket. His warm eyes were filled with silent wariness and you felt a lump forming in your throat.

“That’s okay. Just enjoy yourself, Y/N. Call me later, if you like.”

You nodded as a response, slowly lowering your phone and hanging up the call.

“You’re not Vernon,” you finally said and Seokmin coughed through a laugh.

“Yeah, that, uh, that’s true.”

Silence filled the space between the two of you for a few moments.

Just like Vernon, you also hadn’t really seen Seokmin since the two of you had slept together. Only that day when you had met Jeonghan and saw Jiwoo again, he had been there as well. He had been there and seen you angry and hurt and, god, he had wanted to take you far away from all of it; from Seungcheol and his sick way of feeling like he was helping you, from Jeonghan who turned out to be someone you knew from your past, someone who had hurt you so deeply, and finally from Jiwoo and her hypocritical way of thinking. 

Seeing you again only made Seokmin realize how badly he had missed you. And how fucked up it was that he had. 

“So, where is Vernon?” You finally broke the silence and Seokmin cleared his throat.

“He’s home. Something in his family came up and he asked me if I could take you instead.”

It was true - Vernon’s mum had needed help with something at their house and so he had asked Seokmin to take over the driving duties, obviously not aware of what kind of door he had just opened. Seokmin hadn’t told anyone about the feelings he harbored for you, in fact, he hadn’t even really admitted them to himself. 

But seeing you again, alone without Seungcheol or Vernon or anyone else present… it kind of made it hard to keep pushing away the inevitable. 

“Right. Uhm,” you felt your face heat up, not prepared to leave your apartment in the slightest, “come in, I’ll get ready.”

The treacherous heart inside Seokmin’s chest jumped at the invite. He nodded and walked past you, trying to ignore your scent and the way it made him feel. Stop being pathetic, he tried to tell himself as he continued inside, taking his shoes off once the door closed between the two of you.

“Do you want some water? Or coffee?”

How you managed to sound casual - you truly couldn’t tell. It wasn’t like the two of you had left off awkwardly back then. At least not really. But then again, what about your life right now wasn’t awkward? Seokmin and you had slept together and then he had kissed you after, helping you back into your underwear, saying sweet things, and giggling against your cheek. 

The memory crept back into your brain and you swallowed it down, trying to forget how you felt when he had been so gentle, so kind. It had almost felt more intimate than the sex itself. 

“Water is fine, thank you.” 

You nodded at his response and made your way into the kitchen, grabbing a glass from one of the cupboards. There were a thousand thoughts in your head, spiraling and forming new ones with every passing second, but you decided to ignore them. 

It was silent between the two of you as you got his water ready, finally placing the glass in front of him on the table. He looked up at you, thanking you quietly. Then, just as you were about to turn, his fingers grabbed around your wrist gently.

“Y/N,” he said, “are you okay?”

Something about the way he asked this question… it touched a part of you, you hadn’t known was there. The part of you that was still young and scared and ashamed. Of course, you had come to terms with most if not all of it being your own fault, your pride had been more important to you than anyone’s feelings - including your own best friend. 

All the calls with Seungcheol, yes, they had helped you. He was someone you admired, someone you maybe even felt something for that went beyond admiration. And as much as he eased the aching in your heart, as much as he cared about you and told you not to beat yourself up too much - whenever the call ended it all went back to zero. Seungcheol was still Jiwoo’s brother, he was her family. And when push came to shove, he would always choose her. And that was fine, that was how it should be! In this case, you guessed, it was thanks to Jiwoo not giving him that ultimatum that he still called you, still allowed himself to care about you. 

No one else had asked you if you were okay besides Seungcheol. And now Seokmin had and you almost let the dam you had built so carefully break down. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You replied finally, pulling your hand out of his grasp and giving him a small smile over your shoulder. Seeing his face, his eyes, the way he seemed to really want to know your pain, wanted to take it away from you as good as he could - tears were close to spilling down your cheeks. 

“Y/N-,” he began again, but you just cleared your throat.

“I should get ready. I’ll be right there.”

Seokmin watched you hurry into your room and pressed his lips together, deciding to ignore the glass on the table and your obvious lie. Instead, he followed you, opening the door you had just shut and watching you turn around to him with wide eyes.

“Seokmin-,” but he was the one to interrupt you this time.

“You’re not okay, are you?” He came to a halt in front of you and placed his hand on your cheek, staring into your eyes so intensely it almost caused your knees to give in.

“It doesn’t matter, Seokmin,” you whispered then, “I am the one who caused all of this. I made everyone miserable.”

“That’s not true. You can’t keep blaming yourself for things other people played a part in as well, Y/N, that’s not fair.”

“Fair to whom? To me? Seokmin, I… I hurt so many people and for what? A stupid challenge that means absolutely nothing! It was nothing but my pride that was on the line, Seokmin. I let my pride win over anyone else’s well-being. I hurt people, I broke friendships apart, I made siblings hate each other, I-”,

“You can’t seriously think that all of that is just your fault, Y/N. There were other people involved, people who knew better than you. Seungcheol should have known sleeping with you would make Jiwoo uncomfortable. He did it anyway! He didn’t care about her feelings just as much as you. I don’t see him beating himself up half as much as you, I don’t see him shutting out everyone. I don’t know everything that happened, but I promise you, Y/N, it’s not all your own fault. You made mistakes and that’s okay, that’s human. You’re just human, you are allowed to make mistakes.”

Now, tears were rolling down your cheeks, your heart swelling and hurting just the same as you listened to Seokmin’s words. 

“If it’s okay, why does it feel so incredibly shitty?” Once again, your voice was merely more than a whisper. Seokmin wiped away your tears with his thumb, his eyes still staring into yours.

“Because you care. You care about those you’ve hurt, Y/N. You’re not even close to the horrible person you think you are.”

The first sob escaped you and you fell against Seokmin’s chest, his arms quick to catch and hold you against him. He patted the back of your head, letting you sob into his jacket without a second thought. 

Maybe, just maybe, he felt a little too comfortable with you in his arms considering you were crying. But he allowed himself to feel this way for just a while. Allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy of you choosing him over Seungcheol. How many hours had he spent doing that in the time he knew you? He didn’t dare to count. 

For a while, you stayed like this. Crying in Seokmin’s arms, feeling comforted by his warmth and his worry. It was different than with Cheol - Seokmin genuinely seemed to try to understand you while his boss stayed on the surface of it all. He acknowledged your pain but never tried to dig into it, or figure out where it was all coming from. It was refreshing, especially after you hadn’t seen Soonyoung in a good while, ever since that fateful party at Joshua and Mingyu’s place. 

“Thank you,” you finally breathed out after a good ten minutes of standing there, slowly parting from Seokmin to look up at him. It almost took your breath away - how he looked at you. 

“No need to thank me, I am glad to have helped you let some of it out.” He smiled down at you, his hand moving from the back of your head back to your face, slowly caressing your cheek before tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

This is dangerous. 

Suddenly, his proximity dawned on you. His touch tingled on your skin and your stomach turned, heartbeat speeding up. His face was so close, if you moved just a little closer… 

And then he did move, just slowly with his lips slightly parted, his eyes unsure and yet so full of determination to take what he wanted. He wanted to kiss you so bad, wanted to feel the softness of your lips, show you how much he cared for you.

You turned your head. Cleared your throat and tried to ignore the heat in your cheeks.

“I should get ready. Wash the crying off my face and change. You, uhm, you can wait in the living room.”

Seokmin felt himself blush, nodding and quickly moving back, parting from you in the process. Probably for the best. 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll wait there. Take your time.”

And when he turned around and left, you sank down onto your bed for a few seconds trying to catch your breath. How did you always end up in situations like these? You shook your head, ignoring the thoughts for now, and got back up, walking into the bathroom to wash your face. 

As Seokmin and you strode through the shopping street in silence, you couldn’t help but feel lighter. While still worried the internal crisis and weight had subdued immensely all thanks to one push from the man on your right. 

You glanced at him, taking in his tall frame and focused eyes. Earlier, when he had asked if you were looking for something specific, you had suggested evening wear, considering the trip would contain a few business dinners you’d probably attend as… well, as Seungcheols date. If you could even call it that. At this point, being “just” his date felt… odd. Not entirely how you saw yourself in his life, but then again, how did you see yourself in his life? As of right now, you were merely the girl responsible for his strained relationship with his sister, the girl he wasn’t allowed to sleep with for the next couple of days and perhaps even ever again. You hadn’t really made your mind up about that yet. 

Seokmin held the door for you when you reached the first store you had decided to go into. Normally, you would never go into a high fashion place like this to buy clothes, but considering Seungcheol was paying and he was loaded… why not.

“Welcome”, a nice looking woman with a black bob and shining white teeth greeted you. Seokmin presented her with a slight bow and a smile himself and you quickly followed him, letting your eyes roam over the shelves right after. 

Everything in here was beautiful. There wasn’t much on display - something high end shops apparently all did the same way. 

Quickly, Seokmin filled the woman in on what you were looking for and once the words “budget doesn’t matter”, she suddenly became your new best friend. 

You were thrown into a private room where she and two other women in the same elegant work uniforms as her, offered you and Seokmin champagne and continued to bring in small cakes and finally dresses in all sorts of colours and shapes. 

“Jesus,” you mumbled under your breath and Seokmin chuckled next to you on the light red velvet couch, bringing the glass of champagne to his lips.

“Anything catch your eye?” He pointed at the rack of dresses the women had just brought in. Biting down on your bottom lip, you got up from the couch and looked at them more closely, a few of them definitely up your alley. 

One was long and dark red like wine, a slit on the side and no sleeves. You told the woman from before, who had introduced herself as Soyeon once the budget had been made clear, and she immediately brought it to the changing room hidden behind a thick cream colored curtain to your right.

You also chose a short yellow dress embroidered with white roses and a mid length hazel off shoulder one that looked incredibly beautiful. 

Seokmin watched you thanking Soyeon with a smile on your lips, disappearing behind the curtain a second later to try on the dresses you had picked out. Also presenting Soyeon with a thankful smile, he finally sat in one of the comfortable looking light pink armchairs facing the dressing room. 

It took you a few moments, but soon you came out in the first dress. The air around Seokmin became suffocating. You looked stunning. The red dress fit you like a glove, every curve of yours on display. Seokmin had trouble staying seated, shifting on the armchair. 

“What do you think?” You asked, turning around once and looking at the handsome man again. He cleared his throat.

“I think you look beautiful.” 

Now, it was you who felt suffocated by the air around you. Heat rose in your body and you felt a smile creep onto your lips.

“Thank you. I quite like it myself, too.” You turned to face the full-body mirror to the left framed in gold and took yourself in once more. Yeah, it definitely was beautiful - you were beautiful. 

“Would you like some champagne?” Soyeon came back, holding a tray with two glasses of champagne, giving the two of you a wide smile. Seokmin declined as he was still driving, while you accepted with yet another smile. 

Soyeon’s eyes stayed on you once you’ve taken the glass from her.

“Miss, this dress looks like it was made for you!” She announced, placing the tray down on the end table between the armchairs. Your smile grew and you turned to look at yourself again.

“Thank you, Soyeon. I think I’ll try on the others as well, but this definitely makes the next round.”

Seokmin chuckled.

“Y/N. If you like them all, you can get them all.” He raised a brow and you slowly moved to face him.

“I- are you sure?”

“Of course.” Seokmin gave you a warm smile and you couldn’t help a happy giggle escaping you. Soyeon let her gaze dart from you to Seokmin and back.

“The two of you make a lovely couple.” She chuckled, giving you a wink.

Immediately, your smile died and made room for widened eyes and a dropped mouth. A lovely couple? 

“That’s very kind of you to say, Soyeon, but we actually aren’t a couple.” Seokmin rose from the chair and walked over to you, “WWe’re just… friends.” 

Somehow your eyes found his and you felt like you were back in your bedroom earlier. It wasn’t scary to be vulnerable around him, more so the opposite. Maybe, in another life, you could have met under different circumstances and be what Soyeon had thought you were. 

“Oh, of course. I apologize." Soyeon left shortly after and you found your way back into the dressing room, trying on another dress. You ignored the yearning feeling for what could have been and moved on, shoving the feeling as far back into your mind as you possibly could. 

Seokmin looked at some other dresses and picked out a few, asking Soyeon for skirts and tops as well, which she brought over just a couple minutes later. 

Trying on pretty clothes lifted your spirits and almost made you forget all your worries. For a while you could just be as you had been before, a normal girl with nothing on her mind but clothes and getting her degree. You didn’t let any negativity creep up on you for as long as you could - only losing your composure when you tried on a short black dress and found the zipper to be stuck. 

Cursing under your breath, you tried to pull it up once more only to fail. 

“Seokmin? Could you help me in here?” You called out for the assistant and he immediately rushed in, pushing the curtain back and finding you clad in the sexiest little black dress he had ever seen. When the curtain fell shut behind him, he swallowed.

“What- uhm, what’s up?”

“I can’t get the zipper up, I think it’s stuck.” You explained and he nodded slowly, walking closer and bringing his hands to your back and the zipper. 

Fuck, this is torture, he thought, his eyes scanning the smooth skin of your back, noticing you weren’t wearing a bra, which only made this situation so much worse. He swallowed again, clearing his throat before trying to get the zipper up. His fingers graced your skin as he succeeded on the first try, his free hand carefully pushing your hair over your shoulder, causing you to shiver. In fact, all of the current predicament made you shiver. Seokmin’s fingers on your skin, his breath on your neck, his proximity. Your heartbeat sped up, nails digging into your palms. When did you become so weak?

Once the zipper was up, Seokmin knew he should move. He couldn’t, though. Not when your perfume tickled his nose, not when your body heat was slowly mixing with his. Not when all he had to do was lean forward to kiss your neck. He allowed himself to wonder, allowed his mind to go there - his lips on your neck, your eyes falling shut as you enjoyed how he felt. His hands on your waist, caressing you softly. Allowed himself to think about turning you around and kissing your lips, still remembering the taste of them. Oh, how much he wished to kiss you again and if it was only that. Kiss you breathless, kiss you until your mouth was red and swollen, kiss you until you begged him to never stop. 

He didn’t let any of that happen, of course. 

But that didn’t mean you didn’t wish for him to. 

While not being able to read his thoughts, the tension in the air surrounding you tasted just like his thoughts. Sweet and hot and forbidden. His touch burned you like fire but instead of it hurting you, you craved more. 

Your eyes flashed to his in the mirror and an image of him taking you right there pierced through your mind. Judging by the way he looked at you, you figured his own thoughts weren’t far off from your own. 

“Done,” he breathed and you found yourself turning around to face him, his eyes boring into yours. Every inch of your body was burning for him, yearning for his touch. He was so close, just like in your bedroom, if you just raised your hands to his nape you could bring him down to you, could kiss him the way you wanted to…

“Thanks,” you mumbled back, the tips of your fingers itching to touch him. 

It took every bit of self restraint Seokmin had in him to avert his gaze and take a deep breath.

“I think you should take this dress, Y/N. Seungcheol will love it.” 

Then, he walked out. 

Oh. 

You blinked a few times, staring at where he had just stood before. He had left. Really just… left you here. While a part of you was hurt another one was relieved. He had made the right call. 

Or at least that’s what you kept telling yourself. 

Something changed after that. After leaving the store with four new dresses, two new skirts and a good amount of new tops and a blazer, Seokmin and you visited five more stores before calling it a day. You had gotten more clothes and purses and accessories than you would probably ever need, but considering it was all on Seungcheol… You were more than fine with it. 

Seokmin drove you home, your bags on the backseat and you envied them. As lifeless objects, they weren’t submitted to the unspoken words, the thick tension and the longing in the car. Your eyes were glued to the windshield, not daring to even look at Seokmin. 

Feeling about the same way as you, Seokmin was glad he was driving, focusing on the street and traffic instead of you. His heart was heavy in his chest and he realized just how fucked he was. 

When he parked in front of your building, the engine stopped and nothing to distract him anymore, Seokmin took it upon himself to leave the car first, moving around it to open the door for you. It took all of his willpower not to kiss you when your eyes met his. His mind raced with inappropriate thoughts again and he quickly averted his eyes, hurrying to get the bags out of the car.

“Thanks for bringing me home, Seokmin.” You said, biting down on your lip. He coughed.

“Of course, let me help you get these upstairs.”

It hung in the air, growing more and more dangerous the closer you came to your apartment. The elevator ride was almost unbearable, worse than the car and you hoped and prayed you could get this over with smoothly. Bring him inside to just put the bags down and bid him goodbye. 

The second the elevator doors opened with a ‘ping’, you almost sprinted to your door, opening it as quickly as you could. Seokmin was on your heels and you let him in first, closing the door behind you and regretting it immediately. 

Now, Seokmin and you weren’t just in close proximity but also in private close proximity. 

The bags found their way onto the couch table, Seokmin not yet having turned around to face you since he had entered the apartment. 

“Well, that’s all,” he said with a strained voice. He sounded just like you felt. A subtle nod followed his words and when he turned around, his eyes immediately landed on yours. 

“Yeah, th-thanks again.” You stumbled over your words, feet glued to the floor. Even if you had wanted to, you wouldn’t have been able to move. Seokmin, though, he did move. He moved closer to you, looked like he floated, coming to a halt when all that separated you was one arm length. 

“Anytime, Y/N.”

You were suffocating. All air was leaving your lungs instead making room for another wave of longing. Your hands were once again balled at your sides and your body was still frozen, your heartbeat ringing in your ears. 

“I should probably leave.” He said but didn’t move. 

“Probably, yeah.” Your response was merely a breath. Seokmin swallowed. 

Then, he was suddenly right there in your space, his hands on your waist and his head just inches from yours.

“Tell me to go and I will,” he breathed, “Tell me you don’t want me and I will never look back.”

“I-,” you blinked up at him, the itching back in your fingertips, “I can’t do that.”

He sucked in his breath, eyes roaming your face for just a second before he finally closed the last few inches between you.

His lips were still as soft back then. Soft and warm and perfect and, god, where did he learn to kiss like this? 

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pushing your body as close to his as possible. His tongue slid over your bottom lip and you allowed him in without hesitation, melting against him. 

He moved his hands to the small of your back, feeling your heat meeting his and he couldn’t hold back a moan when your tongue met his. How long had he craved you? How many times had he dreamt of this moment – of you back in his arms, of your lips on his, of your body pressed against him? 

All coherent thoughts having left your mind, you lead him to your bedroom, not parting from his lips even once. Your hands ran through his hair, feeling his soft strands between your fingers. 

The kissing didn’t stop until your legs hit the bed. While you fell down onto it, your back on the soft mattress, Seokmin looked at you with eyes full of hunger and need but also affection so strong it made your skin tingle. He rid himself of his suit jacket and his shoes, helping you discard your own right after. Then, he got on top of you, his elbows keeping up as he kissed you again. Your hands moved over his back, feeling his muscles under his shirt. He was built like a god, like someone people worshipped back in the day. Someone who deserved to be worshipped now as well. 

His thigh slipped between yours and you moaned against his lips, hands now resting on his cheeks as you moved your hips against his thigh, earning a moan from him in return. You needed to feel all of him, needed to feel how hot his skin was, how his skin tasted. So, you moved your fingers to his dress shirt, unbuttoning it with ease and Seokmin moved to kiss your neck, biting into your sensitive skin and making your pussy throb with even more need. 

Shoving his shirt off his shoulders only moments later, your nails dragged along his back, the softness of his skin confirming your suspicions. He was perfect. 

Nothing about this felt like back at the office when the two of you had fucked the first time. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t full of only sexual tension. There was more this time - but you refused to acknowledge it at this moment. Instead, you kept rubbing your core against his thigh, feeling him flex. 

He remembered you doing that the last time too. Remembered your whimpers and moans, remembered how beautifully you had come around his cock. Twice. He growled and moved back up, kissing you hard. He sat up slightly, taking you with him and helping you out of your shirt. Your bra was back on your body and he began kissing your soft skin while you moved your hands to your back shortly, unclasping your bra and letting it fall off your frame. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Seokmin took one of your nipples into his mouth while his hand squeezed the other, your back arching against him. There were no words to describe how much you wanted, needed him and your core throbbed pathetically. 

Pushing you back into the pillows, Seokmin let his mouth roam over your neck and chest, moving down and ridding you of your pants as well. He could smell your arousal, his head dizzy. Oh, how ready he was to taste you. 

Sliding between your legs, he pressed his thumb against your clothed folds, feeling just how wet you were. He groaned as he circled his thumb on your clit, your moans becoming more desperate. His hunger only rose, fingers slipping your panties down, allowing him the perfect view of your glistening pussy. 

Without hesitation, he dove in, tongue lapping at your juices. Your hands flew to his hair, nails digging into his scalp as you cried out his name, hips rolling against his face as he devoured you. 

Tongue flicking against your clit, circling and sucking it into his mouth. If it were up to him, he’d eat you out for days on end. You tasted sweet and bitter at the same time, had him addicted to you within seconds. He reveled in the way you tasted, one of his fingers sneaking up your thigh and finally sinking into your awaiting hole. You gasped, hips rolling harder against him now. He chuckled.

“You want it bad, don’t you, darling?” His breath hit your core and you nodded, eyes rolling back into your skull when his finger began thrusting into you. But you needed more, needed all of him.

“Seokmin, need more, please.”

He obeyed, pushing another finger inside of you, two fingers now filling you over and over. And yet, you still craved more. You wanted him. 

“N-not enough!” You cried and Seokmin licked up your folds, a shiver running down your spine.

“Tell me what you need, baby. What do you want?”

“You, need you, Seok!”

Seok. The nickname made his cock twitch. 

“You have me, baby.” He was teasing you. And you were falling for it.

“Your cock, Seok, p-please, need it so bad.”

“There we go, was that so hard, my love?”

Quickly, Seokmin pushed down his pants and underwear, heaving himself up, one hand grabbing your thigh and pushing it back as he settled between your legs again. Kneeling in front of you now, he took his cock into his hand, precum already dripping onto your duvet, and brought it to your entrance.

Inch by inch, he pushed himself inside of you, his eyes never leaving your face. You just looked too fucking breathtaking. Arousal so clearly displayed on your features, his cock twitching once he bottomed out. The way your pussy clenched around him, as if to suck him even deeper had him moaning your name desperately. 

“Move, Seok, please move,” you whined, hands grabbing for his forearms and he let out a low chuckle.

“Anything for you.” He thrusted once, both of you moaning in unison. 

Then, he thrusted again, thrusted slowly and controlled, his cock feeling perfectly smug between your walls. Your legs hooked around his hips and he fell forward, his lips finding yours again in a desperate kiss. Along with the kiss, his thrusts also became less controlled, the pace picking up. His hand roamed your face, grabbing it possessively, his tongue thrusting into your mouth, your own tongue getting entangled with it in the most delicious way. 

“You feel so fucking perfect,” he whispered against your lips and you bit down on his lip, kissing him harder. His hips moved at perfect speed, his cock hitting your sweet spot with every thrust. He held you like you were precious, like he never wanted to let you go again. And perhaps that was true. 

Feeling himself nearing his climax, Seokmin moved quicker, groans now escaping him every few seconds. His sounds were bringing you closer to your own climax, hips chasing his movements as you licked into his mouth, nails back to leaving marks on his broad back and shoulders. 

Oh, how good he took you, how perfect he held you. How gone you were for him. 

Your climax rushed over you when he thrusted especially hard, your pussy clenching and twitching, engulfing his cock in another wave of wetness. You moaned loudly, nails digging into his skin and he hissed, sitting back up and leading his hands to your hips. His eyes had gone dark and wild. 

The way he fucked you through your orgasm and chased his own was just like his eyes. He was quick and hard, chasing his own high like a madman, like you were nothing but his little perfect toy. And you loved every second of it. Your back arched from the bed and your moans turned into screams of pleasure. A second climax followed you first and this time you allowed yourself to fall even harder - squirts of liquid shooting out of you and onto his cock and your bed, making him see stars as he finally came, pulling out of your warm heat and letting his ropes of white paint your stomach and breasts. 

“Fuck,” he breathed out, falling down onto the bed next to you, pulling you into an embrace, head resting on top of yours. You were still breathing heavily and his drying release started to feel uncomfortable on your skin, but you didn’t dare move out of his arms. Despite the realization beginning to creep into your mind, you decided to just pretend. Pretend like you hadn’t just made everything so much more complicated. 

The promise you had made yourself to not pursue any of the men you had slept with for the challenge was broken, forgotten and didn’t matter anymore. You should have felt horrible. Defeated and disappointed in yourself.

But you didn’t feel any of those things as you felt Seokmin’s heartbeat against your own, his arms pulling you even closer and his lips pressing a kiss onto the crown of your head. No, you didn’t feel bad at all. And that scared you. 

You didn’t stop Seokmin from leaving to get a washing cloth to clean you up. You also didn’t stop him from slipping back into bed with you. And when you both fell asleep, you didn’t stop that either.

When you woke up, there was no trace of Seokmin in your bed or your apartment except for a note pinned to the fridge.

Duty called, I’m sorry. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow - Seokmin

You stared at the note for a few moments, letting the day before play over in your mind. There was no doubt that the decision to sleep with Seokmin and let him spend the night didn't look too good on your track record. And that didn’t even involve how much you had felt during the sex with him. How different it had been from the first time back in Seungcheol’s firm, how different it had been from any of your last sexual encounters. 

Sighing, you averted your eyes from Seokmin’s note (and any thoughts about him) and instead looked over to the couch table where all of your bags from the shopping trip were neatly organized. Seokmin had really taken the time to clean up the mess from the day before. God, he was just too… good. In all honesty, you didn’t deserve the goodness of that man in the slightest, he had to be aware of that as well, right? 

After turning to make some coffee and drinking it on your little armchair deep in thought, it was an hour later when another ringing disturbed your bit of inner peace. 

Someone was at your door and whoever it was softly knocked now, causing you to frown. It couldn’t be Chan, right? He wouldn’t dare to come here when the past few weeks you had successfully avoided each other, would he? 

Slowly, you made your way to the door, looking through the peephole with your heart beating like a drum in your chest. 

But it wasn’t Chan standing in front of your door, but Soonyoung. Your eyes widened for a second, before you opened the door with a swing, catching Soonyoung by surprise.

“Soonyoung,” you said, “what are you doing here?”

“I-,” the man before you cleared his throat, “well, I missed you. Not- not in like a, uh, romantic sense. Just… hanging out with you. I miss that.”

There was no stopping the warmth around your heart. It captured you and swallowed you whole. Made you jump into Soonyoung’s arms, pressing your face into his neck, hugging him closely. 

“I missed you too, Soonyoungie.”

It truly felt like there hadn’t even been weeks of no contact. You and Sooyoung sat down on your couch, talking about everything you had missed in each other’s lives during the time of no talking. As it turned out, Jiwoo had tried to win Soonyoung back but he had turned her down. You felt a slight sting in your stomach hearing him talk about her. As much as you tried not to think about her, it wasn’t exactly easy. She had been your best friend for so many years and somehow all it took was a few months for it to break apart. 

“So, you’re really going on vacation with Seungcheol and Seokmin?” Soonyoung was chewing on his bottom lip, his legs pressed against his chest, arms wrapped around them. 

You nodded.

“Yup. And Jeonghan, most likely.”

“Oh shit, that’s gonna be… tough.” He scratched his head. Something about his eyes avoiding yours was suspicious.

“What?” You raised your brows.

“Well… you could finish the challenge, right? if he’s coming too, I mean.”

You opened your mouth, only to close it again. Then you shook your head.

“No. I’m done with that challenge. If I weren’t so attached to this apartment I would have left it weeks ago. Just leave everyone behind and start anew - maybe even move to a different city.”

“Even me?” Soonyoung pouted and you rolled your eyes, laughing slightly.

“No, of course not.” You patted his shoulder.

He smiled.

“But still, Y/N. It would kinda… be the perfect end to all of this, don’t you think? Just finally putting the last nail in the coffin. Not to mention it would piss Jiwoo off so much.” 

His smile had turned into a grin. You scoffed.

“I don’t want to piss her off, Soonyoung. I think I’ve done enough of that for a lifetime. And also, what makes you think I’d even want to sleep with Jeonghan after all that happened with him?” You grimaced.

“Maybe because he’s hot?” Soonyoung tilted his head, giving you a knowing grin. Groaning, you threw a pillow at his head.

“Okay, and? You make me sound so shallow.”

“You are, at least in this specific, uh, situation. You wouldn’t have slept with all of us if we weren’t at least somewhat hot.”

Now, he wasn’t wrong about that. Clicking your tongue, you gave in.

“Fine, I admit that my main focus during the challenge was to, well, bed people I found hot. Happy now?”

Soonyoung laughed, throwing the pillow right back at you.

“Bed? Pretty sure we’ve done it on this couch as well as the shower and the dining table, Y/N.”

You felt your cheeks heat up, shaking your head.

“It’s just a random saying, don’t be so literal, Soonyoung.” 

The two of you talked for the rest of the evening, Soonyoung deciding to stay the night (on the couch!)  and drive you to the airport in the morning. It didn’t matter how many times you told him you’d be fine taking a cab, he still insisted. How wonderful to have at least one friend bring some familiarity back into your life. 

Your suitcase barely closed, but it still found its way into Soonyoung’s trunk, joined by your backpack and a small handbag. For now, you didn’t allow the nerves to get the best of you. Sure, this was most likely an idea set up to fail, but it could still be fun! 

It had been quite the talk you had with Seungcheol about letting someone come pick you up that had not been pre-approved by him, but after pointing out that he was not your boyfriend (and neither was Soonyoung) he gave in and sent you the correct address you had to come to. Because, of course, the man only flew private. 

Music was playing quietly in the background as you and Soonyoung sat in the car, waiting for the light to turn green.

“So,” he began then, Dua Lipa’s voice singing about not giving an ex another chance in the background, “you and Seokmin, what’s that about?”

You could feel his eyes on you, burning a hole into your cheek. Clearing your throat, you attempted to play it cool.

“What do you mean? We just had sex, you know, like I had with you.”

“Yeah, but no.” Soonyoung raised his brows, looking back at the windshield when the light switched colors. “You and I fucked, Christian Grey style and all. No “making love” or something. But what you told me about Seokmin and you two nights ago… that’s different.”

Oh, how badly you wanted to disagree. Tell him it wasn’t different. That just because you and Seokmin had slow and intimate sex didn’t mean there was anything else going on. But perhaps starting to be true to your feelings and discussing them with someone you trusted wasn’t the worst idea.

So, you sighed. 

“It’s complicated. Yes, there definitely was something. Ever since I met him for the first time there has been… something. When Seungcheol made him and Vernon watch, I was extremely focused on Seokmin and it irked me that he didn’t… you know, do anything. And after I left, he still stayed on my mind. Even with Mingyu, I-,” you took another deep breath, “it doesn’t make sense, it truly doesn’t. Seokmin and I had only so many encounters and yet he somehow managed to linger in my mind the same way Cheol or Mingyu have.” 

“Doesn’t that mean something then? That maybe he’s the one?”

The one? What did that even imply? That you fell for him? That you should be with him? 

“I don’t believe any of the guys used for the challenge can be ‘the one’, Soonyoung.” You told him, your face serious. “There is too much baggage there. My baggage that I’m not ready to face yet.”

Soonyoung allowed himself to dwell on your words for a few moments, taking a left to enter the highway and taking you to the airport. 

“You know, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. No one will deny that some of the choices you made weren’t idea, but you’re aware of that. You faced the consequences of your actions and realized your mistakes – and I think that says much more about you than anything else.” He switches lanes and glances over to you for a second.

“Y/N, it is not your fault these guys fell for you. You didn’t lead them on, you didn’t promise them anything - and that includes me. You need to stop blaming yourself for our feelings when you can’t change anything about them. Wonwoo took everything the way he did because that’s who he is - not because you told him to react that way. Granted, you could have not fucked Chan at Mingyu and Shua’s party, but it happened and what’s done is done. From what I’ve heard and what you’ve told me you never told anyone you wanted something you ended up taking back. You were always true to yourself and your needs and wants even when you got caught up in your feelings sometimes. All of that does not make you a bad person.”

His words hung in the air, swirling around your head and leaving your mouth to dry and your eyes to water. This sounded a lot like what Seokmin had told you. Making mistakes was human and facing your own was a step in the right direction.

“That’s what Seokmin said, too.” You wiped over your eyes with the back of your hand. “He told me I was being too hard on myself, just like you.”

Soonyoung smiled.

“See, two against one, Y/N. We live in a democracy after all.” 

You laughed, shaking your head and looking out the window to your right. Just like with Seokmin, you felt lighter, happy that Soonyoung was back in your life and there when you needed him. 

“Fine. I’ll… just see what this trip brings. As much as I’d love to forget about my feelings for Cheol, they do exist. And as long as I haven’t figured that out, I don’t know how smart it was to sleep with Seokmin.”

“Don’t forget your feelings for Mingyu.” Soonyoung took the exit for the airport, a grin playing on his lips. You clicked your tongue.

“Thanks for the reminder.”

“Oh, you are very welcome.”

Five minutes later, Soonyoung’s car was waved through to the part of the airport that was reserved for private fliers. He parked his car outside the main building and helped you get your suitcase out of the trunk, all while you glanced at the glass entrance door every few seconds. You knew Seungcheol was already there - was Seokmin with him? And what about Jeonghan? 

“Alright,” Soonyoung held out his arms, “have a safe trip and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

You laughed, accepting the offer of a hug, and patted him on the back when your arms were wrapped around him.

“Thank you, Soonie. I’ll text you when we land.” 

A big part of you longed for Soonyoung to join you, to be the one person you could confide in during what was surely going to be an eventful trip. 

But alas you watched him drive away, taking with him all the confidence you had hoped to keep. Confidence, you would surely need to survive the upcoming days. Heaving a sigh, you grabbed your suitcase and bag, finally making your way over to the entrance door, smiling and slightly bowing at the security standing in front of them. 

After giving them your name and handing them your hand luggage, you walked through the glass doors and into a grand hall with only three gates. Two of them were empty, one was a little crowded with people you knew all too well. 

Seungcheol had not yet spotted you, too deep in a conversation with Seokmin. 

Vernon was sitting on one of the rows of comfortable looking chairs, head down and focused on his phone. 

Your eyes looked from Seungcheol and Seokmin to Vernon and further to the left - and you couldn’t help but stop in your steps and gape. 

Jeonghan was talking to a tall figure in a well fitted white dress shirt and black dress pants and there was no way this was happening right now. 

“Y/N!” Seungcheol had spotted you, a bright smile on his gorgeous face as he jogged over to you, his hand landing on the small of your back as he leaned forward to plant a kiss on your cheek. 

A kiss that should have felt sweet and nice in any other situation, but not when Jeonghan’s earlier conversation counterpart stared at you with wide, pretty brown puppy eyes. Not when you had not been prepared to meet him here at the same time as Cheol and Seokmin. Not when you had done everything in your power to forget him.

“Ah yes,” Jeonghan smirked, “meet our German translator. I think you go to the same university, Y/N - do you know Kim Mingyu?”

This little shit. He asked a question he already knew the answer to. There was no way Jiwoo hadn’t told him about Mingyu, nor was there any chance this hadn’t been his doing. 

Seungcheol’s smile didn’t falter when he looked down at you, but it did once he saw the look on your face. Something stirred within him then. Jeonghan had been the one to bring Mingyu on board - best of his year, TA for a well known professor, almost fluent in German. Seungcheol didn’t think much about it, after all, Kim Mingyu was a common name in Korea. But now, seeing the way you stared at the man he hired… it wasn’t hard to connect the dots. 

Mingyu, meanwhile, let his gaze wander from your face to the arm Seungcheol had around you. His body heated up, all these moments of missing and trying to get over you suddenly plummeting to his feet, joined by his broken heart. How many nights had he contemplated calling you? How often had he thought about driving over to your apartment and making you understand how much you meant to him? How wrong you were about cutting him out of your life? And now you stood here, in front of him and his new boss touched you like he knew you, like he had done this a thousand times before. Mingyu’s hands balled.

“The captain just informed me, they are ready for us.”

Seokmin’s voice disrupted the awkward silence and all of you looked over at him. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, a big part of you wanting to run out of the hall and chase after Soonyoung. 

You didn’t though. You followed the others outside and onto the private jet, going for the seat furthest in the back, happy when it was only Vernon who sat in the seat opposite yours with a sheepish smile. 

Singapore was incredible. 

Driving from the airport to your hotel had already taken your breath away. Your eyes had been glued to the window and for a while, you forgot about the rather uncomfortable situation you found yourself in. Thankfully, you shared the car with Seungcheol who was busy on a phone call and didn’t really pay you any mind, while Vernon was driving. Seokmin was in the car ahead with Mingyu and Jeonghan going over the schedule for the week. 

Once you reached the hotel, Seokmin checked all of you in, giving you your roomkey in the form of a card first, his eyes meeting yours for only a second. You admired his ability to act like nothing had happened between you as much as you hated it. Rationally, it was better for him to act nonchalant toward you. But your heart told you something different. 

Then again, your heart was doing a lot of things at the moment - jumping between the sexy CEO still on the phone, his suit jacket hanging over his arm and shades on his perfect nose, the newly hired translator with his hands buried in his pants and his eyes searching for yours, and finally the assistant who handed out keycards to everyone and looked amazing in his beige linen two piece. 

Getting out of the lobby and into the safety of your own room was undoubtedly the best decision right now. And yes, once the door was closed behind you and no one else was around anymore, you finally felt like you could breathe again. The plane ride over had been horrible - the only thing holding you back from somehow jumping out of the plane had been Vernon who told you about this girl he had met and was going to go on a date with and the book you brought. 

Six hours had felt like seventeen and only now were you able to actually reflect what was going on. Walking further into the room, you took out your phone and connected it to the wifi, immediately shooting Soonyoung a message.

You: Major SOS, MINGYU is here!!!!

Soonyoung: Mingyu??? WHAT???

You: He was hired as the fucking translator

You: I think I’m gonna be sick

You: Worst part is… I’m pretty sure Jeonghan planned this. Little fucker.

Soonyoung: Jeonghan???? Woah, what the fuck?? I’m so sorry

Soonyoung: What are you gonna do?

You: I have absolutely no idea. I have to get ready for an event in a few hours, I might just… idk… die or smth

Soonyoung: okay first of all, no dying on my watch. you’ll be fine, just… talk to them. maybe its good they are all there? maybe you can like, you know, figure out who you want

You: … 

You: yeah no, i’m taking a shower now, bye!!

Locking your phone and throwing it onto the bed, you realized Soonyoung had sadly not helped you with the situation. Fine, maybe you had only talked to him for like… five seconds, but still! You truly didn’t expect yourself to be realistic right now. 

Hopping into the shower made you at least feel somewhat better. Washing the flight and the guilt off your body while redirecting your thoughts to the fun you’d surely have at the dinner party; dressing up and doing your make-up and feeling pretty always helped you feel better. And a twisted part of your brain was even excited about looking your best with Seokmin, Seungcheol, and Mingyu to see. Maybe even Jeonghan - showing him what he missed out on and such. 

Yes, you decided then when you sat in front of the mirror in the hotel room, you wouldn’t let this tear you down. You wouldn’t let them see how much this affected you. Instead, you’d look your absolute best and make them wish they had you for the night, when in reality none of them would. 

Just as you’re about to finish your makeup, still wrapped in the soft white bathrobe the hotel provided, you heard a knock on your door. Quickly, you got up and stalked over to the door, opening it with a swing.

Seokmin stood in front of you, his face hard like stone, not even the slightest emotion creeping over his features when your eyes met. You hate to admit that your heart stung at that.

“Mr. Choi has asked me to let you know you’ll be riding in the car with him again. And for you to be ready in half an hour. Does that work for you?”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you crossed your arms, leaning against the doorframe.

“What’s going on with you?” You asked him, ignoring his question. 

“I asked you a question.” He dodged you. Your jaw tightened. 

“Fine. Yes, that works for me. Now, what’s going on with you?”

Now, you spot a shift in his face, just a millisecond, but you’re sure it was there: pain. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nothing is going on with me, everything is fine.”

“Why are you lying to me?” You almost reached out, your fingers itching to touch him - just like two days ago. While the tension wasn’t as loaded as back then, you could still feel the invisible string that tugged you toward him. 

“I am not lying,” he responded now, his eyes staring into yours, “I’m truly fine.” 

He wasn’t fine. He was the opposite of fine. But how could he tell you? How could he let you know that Seungcheol had found out about him picking you up for the shopping spree instead of Vernon and how he had belittled him because of it? How could he let you know that he was nothing compared to Seungcheol. Not to mention Mingyu now showing up, handsome, tall, perfectly built Mingyu with the same interest as you. How could he tell you his heart was hurting and screaming for you to want him the way he wanted you? 

There was no way he could ever share that with you, not here, not now. Not when he knew your history with Seungcheol and judging by the way you and Mingyu had looked at each other - there surely was history with him, too. And Seokmin? He was just… someone you slept with twice. Someone you had seen three, maybe four times at best and he really thought he could compare with that?

“Seokmin…,” the soft sound of your voice almost broke him. But he just cleared his throat.

“Like I said. Be ready in half an hour and come down to the lobby.”

When he turned around and walked away, you felt like he had taken a part of you with him. 

In the black dress you had bought with Seokmin, you stepped out of the elevator. There was no doubt that you’d take the men’s breath away once they spotted you - and that was exactly what you were going for. With your best poker face, you clutched your purse and strode over to where you saw them all standing in the lobby in fine suits. 

Seokmin was focused on his phone, Seungcheol was talking to the hotel manager and Mingyu was speaking with Vernon. Jeonghan was seated on one of the comfortable looking dark green velvet sofas and spotted you first. Sucking in a breath, his eyes roamed over your body - taking in every curve, the dress hugging you like it was made for you. He licked over his bottom lip and got up, walking over to you.

“Now, would you look at that.” He tilted his head when he reached you, eyes glinting in the light of the lobby. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Want to take a picture? It’d last longer.” 

Jeonghan chuckled, raising his hand to his chin, rubbing it softly as he continued to look at you.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll have you looking like this saved in my mind forever now.” 

The other men now became aware of you too, all of them close to losing their composure when they saw you. 

Ignoring Jeonghan, you walked past him and stopped in front of Seungcheol.

“I heard I’m driving with you?” 

He looked dashing. But then, when did he not? A dark red suit fitting him perfectly, a black dress shirt underneath, open just a few buttons and showing a silver chain. He was really testing your “no sex” rule. 

“Indeed, you are.” He held out his arm, his eyes never leaving you and your hand found its way around his biceps, letting him lead you outside. 

It took everything in you not to glance at Mingyu or Seokmin. 

Vernon was in the driver’s seat in the limousine, but the window between him and you and Seungcheol was shut. The second Seungcheol got into the car after you, the door shut, he effortlessly grabbed you by the waist and pulled you onto his lap. 

You yelped at the sudden lifting and stared down at him with wide eyes. His hands were holding you down thigh and yours flew to his shoulders when Vernon started the car and began to drive.

“Seungcheol, what-,” you began, but the man beneath you shook his head.

“I do the talking, princess,” he scanned your face, “you and Mingyu, what is the situation there? And don’t lie to me.”

A lump formed in your throat. Of course, he’d ask about MIngyu. Cheol wasn’t stupid, more so the opposite. You bit down on your lip.

“He was… one of the first few people I slept with for the challenge,” you began to explain, “but we kind of, well, had a thing going on. Nothing exclusive, obviously, but still. We continued to see each other and sleep together.”

“So, like us?” Cheol’s eyes couldn’t hide the hurt and you felt your stomach drop.

“Yes, but also no. It was different with him and-,”

“Easier, you mean.” Cheol’s face hardened and so did his grab on your waist, “it was easier because he’s not your best friend’s brother.”

God, he was being more dramatic than he needed to be. You sighed, hands moving to his nape.

“Cheol, listen to me. Yes, it was easier, I won’t lie to you about that. But just because it was easier doesn’t mean I feel anything more for him than I do for you.”

What you had considered to be soothing words, only made the stone on Cheol’s face turn even harder. His hands moved, one of them lying on your thigh, while the other moved further up, making your eyes widen again. His fingers brushed against your breasts, causing a shiver to run down your spine. Then, he was on your face, softly caressing your cheek. But while his touch was soft, his face surely wasn’t.

“I told you before, Y/N,” he whispered, “you are mine. You’ve said so yourself. Every time I fuck you, you scream you’re mine.” The hand on your thigh moved up, goosebumps erupting on your skin as he stroked the inside of your thigh, fingertips finding your core. You gasped slightly.

“Seungcheol- I- I told you the condit-,”

“That was before I knew another man who you feel something for will be on this trip,” he shoved your panties to the side and it was utterly embarrassing how wet you had already become from just these few touches. 

“I need to remind you, princess, need to show you that only I, only Daddy can take care of you. Will you let Daddy take care of you, princess?”

You couldn’t have stopped the nod even if you had tried.  

He crashed his lips against yours right then, and your brain short circuited. It all went so fast. Fingers shoving your panties to the side to slide into your cunt, fucking into you at no mercy, your fingers nearly cramping from how hard you dug them into his nape. 

“Look at you, look at how easy it is for me to fuck my fingers into you, princess. How willing you are for Daddy, isn’t that right?”

Your eyes rolled back, a long moan escaping your lips. This man really knew how to push your buttons, how to get you dripping, how to crave more. 

His lips moved from your lips to your neck, sucking on your skin and licking over the small marks he left. Motherfucker, you think, marking me right before an event? Is he for real?

The thought vanished though, when he pulled his fingers out of you to open his pants, getting out his cock in record speed. Eyelashes fluttered as you looked down, mouth watering as you saw his big cock, red angry tip with precum inviting you to lick it off. Swallowing, you let your tongue run over your bottom lip, luring a chuckle from Cheol.

“Aw, does daddy’s little slut want to suck his big cock? Are you hungry for it, baby?” You felt your cheeks heat and you raised your head to look at him again, eyes saying more than words could. Cheol swore under his breath, hands back to your hips.

“As much as I’d love to have your mouth on my cock, we don’t have long and I intend to fuck your pussy full of my cum.”

With one quick move, he got your hole right where he needed it, shoving his cock upwards into you. You cried out, nails now digging into his clothed shoulders. Bottoming out, Cheol licked over your lips, your own tongue meeting his and inviting him into your mouth. His hips began their restless pace, holding you down with his one hand, while the other cupped your cheek, the kiss becoming more and more desperate and hot. Your body heated, the coil in your stomach already beginning to tighten. 

“Fuck, you don’t even know how much I missed this pussy,” Seungcheol groaned against your lips, his cock fucking up into you hard and quick, hitting you right where you needed him. 

“D-Daddy, f-feels so good!” Your voice was whiny and loud and you were pretty sure Vernon could hear you, praying to the universe he didn’t get affected by this and drove you into a car. But then, maybe this wouldn’t even be a bad death - split open on Seungcheol’s cock. 

“Yeah, you like getting fucked like a cheap whore, isn’t that right?” His lips searched for yours again, tongue and teeth getting caught up as his cock twitched inside of you. Your cunt clenched around him, craving his release as much as your own. 

“No one can fuck you as good as me, princess. Daddy is the one who can give you exactly what you need.” 

Vernon took a very sharp left turn, making Cheol lose his balance. Quickly, he saved the two of you from falling to the floor of the limousine, you finding yourself on your back, your dress completely raised up and Cheol on top of you, his cock still buried inside of you. He groaned at the different angle, his head falling back as his hips chased his own high. You grabbed for his arms again, crying out his name and arching your back, needing him deeper, needing him closer. 

But Cheol fucked you the way he wanted, fucked you to reach his climax, to claim you as his. He wanted you to walk around that dinner party (read as: around Mingyu) with his cum dripping into your lacey panties. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he breathed out, the mere image of you on his arm saying hello to his business partners with his seed inside of you bringing him much closer to the edge. 

“Yes, yes, Daddy, pump me full, fuck,” your head was spinning at this point, your pussy throbbing, stomach tightening. You were close, too, ready to give him your all.

Just that, when Cheol came with your name on his lips, thick ropes of white filling you, he pulled out right when his own orgasm was over, his fingers only pushing his cum back into you, his lips turned to a menacing grin. 

“Wha-,” you blinked up at him, but Seungcheol only leaned back, your panties springing back to their place. He wiped his fingers on the inside of his suit jacket and chuckled.

“Oh, you thought you were allowed to cum, princess? After fucking Seokmin the other day?” His eyebrows shot up and your face turned pale. So, that was why Seokmin had behaved that way. Seungcheol had found out.

“Cheol, I can explain.”

“No need, my dear,” he pulled a hand through his hair, checking himself out in the tinted window. He looked ethereal as always. “But for the record, when you finally come to your senses and choose me, my cock is the only one you’ll be choking on, got it?” His eyes shot you a look full of rigour that, funnily enough, just made your pussy throb even harder. 

“S-Sir, we- we have arrived.” Vernon’s voice now sounded through the limousine and your head only became hotter.

“Wonderful,” Cheol smiled, “I’ll wait outside the car, darling, maybe check your makeup and hair, you look a little… ravaged.”

The party was an absolute bummer. 

At least for you.

Seungcheol had lead you inside, a smirk on his face you wished you could punch right off. With your brain back on inside your head and not down between your legs, you realized just how fucked up the car ride had been. Seungcheol was possessive and rude and you- and you were a complete fool. A fool that was too easily swayed by the man now standing a few feet away, Mingyu next to him and talking to the men he had actually flown here to meet. 

You stood in the corner of the room, a standing table in front of you. A glass of white wine stood before you and you lazily sipped on it once in a while, trying to ignore the throbbing between your legs and Cheol’s release soaking your already drenched panties. Not exactly the perfect predicament for a fun evening. 

And it was just about to get worse.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jeonghan placed his glass of what looked a lot like whiskey on ice next to your wine and leaned forward, elbows propped on the table. 

“Go away.” You just mumbled, bringing your glass back to your lips. Jeonghan pouted slightly.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be so mean to me.”

“You hired Mingyu because you knew exactly who he was. Tell me why that’s not enough reason to be mean to you, even if we leave out everything else you’ve done?” 

Jeonghan clicked his tongue, standing back up, his back straight.

“You’re a smart woman, Y/N.” He looked at you, took in you body in the dress, let his eyes wander down your back and to your ass, to the way you had your thighs pressed together, shifting slightly on your feet. His eyebrows rose.

“Well, thanks. Now, leave me alone.”

“Should I really? You look like you could use some help.” 

Your head turned to look at him and the knowing smirk on his lips nearly caused you to lose your footing. 

“What are you talking about?” You shot at him, placing the glass back down.

Now, Jeonghan slowly leaned forward his mouth only inches from your ear. You hated the effect it had on you - how his breath on your neck suddenly intensified the throbbing in your core, how your nipples stiffened against the soft fabric of your dress. 

“I have seen enough horny women to spot them from a mile away, darling.” He licked over his lips. “And I would not mind at all to get you out of this… unfortunate situation.”

As if to underline his statement, his fingers graced your back and you flinched slightly, eyes widening as you stared at him.

“I’m- I’m not-,”

“What? You’re not horny?” He tilted his head, fingers slowly traveling down, brushing against your ass. “I feel like that’s just a very bad lie, Y/N.”

Fuck. His touch truly made electricity shoot through your body. Your need for release was going to win the battle, you already knew. And when you dared to look over at Seungcheol, finding him still focused on his business talk, remembering it was his fault you were feeling this way, you knew there was absolutely no need for you to fight anymore. 

“Just so you know, though,” you looked back at him, voice low for only him to hear, “I’m full of Seungcheol’s cum.”

It most definitely shouldn’t have made his cock twitch as hard as it did, hearing these words from you. Jeonghan moved closer to you, his fingers now finally finding their way between your legs. And, holy fuck, you truly were drenched.

“Only makes it wetter, who am I to complain?” 

And then his fingers shoved your panties to the side, just like Cheol had earlier. He didn’t wait, didn’t hesitate, no, he just shoved them right into you, your body jerking forward a little, both of your hands holding onto the edges of the table to steady yourself. 

“Now, now. Behave yourself,” Jeonghan whispered into your ear, his body placed behind yours, one arm leaning against the table. From an outsider's perspective it just looked like you two were having a very intimate conversation. 

He worked his fingers quick and hard, your legs spreading even more for him. It almost made you angry how good he was. How he was about to make you cum with seemingly no effort at all. 

“You like this? All these people around us?” His breath truly was going to get you over the edge. “Are you into people possibly catching you? Secretly want them to know what a pretty little whore you are, getting finger fucked in the middle of a million dollar deal?” His lips now met your nape and you literally felt your soul leave your body. Holding back your moan, your fingers cramped around the edges of the table, your hips meeting his thrusts as subtle as you could. 

“Are you close, darling? About to cum all over my fingers, hm?” Now, he licked over your sweet skin, your eyes falling shut as you concentrated on the way his fingers hit your sweet spot over and over again, and only a few seconds later-

“Fuck, don’t stop”,” you cried as quietly as you could. The whimper you let out made Jeonghan rock hard in his pants. His eyes were looking down on where his fingers sunk into you at perfect speed, his own low moan making your orgasm rush over you, pussy pulsating around his fingers as he fucked you through it, his eyes glassy as he wondered how good you’d feel around his cock. 

“Good girl, came so prettily on my fingers.” Pulling them out, he discreetly turned around, sucking them clean and seeing heaven. How could you smell and taste so goddamn perfect?

Your eyes slowly fluttered open again, relief washing over you when you saw that no one had noticed what had just happened. You cleared your throat and sat back up, drinking another big sip of wine.

“Come to my room,” Jeonghan’s hands were on your hips, his erection pressing against your ass. You hated the small cry stumbling over your lips.

“As much as I… appreciate your help, Jeonghan, I will not sleep with you.” You hoped your tone came across more serious than you actually felt about the statement. Jeonghan groaned lowly, bringing his forehead to your shoulder.

“I know how much you want me, darling. You were practically begging for my cock with your pussy. Fingers aren’t enough for you, you need to be filled with cock, need to be pumped full, that’s what you’re into, isn’t it? I can give that to you.”

His cock was so fucking hard against you. And even though you had just climaxed, your body burned with want. Still, this was Jeonghan. And you wouldn’t fuck him. You couldn’t.

“N-No. I- I don’t want you.” Pathetic. Everyone could tell you were lying. Especially Jeonghan. He chuckled now.

“Fine. I’ll be waiting, though. In case you, you know, change your mind.” 

Then, he walked off. And you were desperately needing some fresh air. 

You couldn’t catch a break that night. 

Standing at the reiling of the balcony, staring out at the magnificent skyline of Singapore was Mingyu. 

You wanted to turn around and leave, but just as you were about to, he moved his head, catching you in the corner of his eye. He immediately turned around, his eyes searching for yours.

“Y/N.” The way he said your name, so full of longing and hurt and love made your heart flutter and break at the same time.

“Mingyu.” You felt yet another lump forming in your throat. 

He walked over now, his long legs bringing him to you in only three steps. For a minute, neither of you spoke. Only your eyes seemed to communicate. All the memories of the two of you played behind your eyes and you knew, deep down, you missed him. 

“I- I wanted to call you so many times.” Mingyu finally broke the silence. You lowered your head.

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Don’t say that.” His hand was trembling as he placed it onto your cheek, bringing your head up to look at him again. “Don’t say that you didn’t miss me.”

Shit. Could he read your mind?

“I told you-,”

“Is it because of him?” The pain in his voice made you want to rip your ears out and throw them off the balcony. “Are you in love with him?”

“Mingyu, this-,”

“Answer me, Y/N. Are you in love with Seokmin?”

Wait, what?

“Seokmin?” You asked, your eyes blinking up at him. 

“Yes. I saw the way you look at him. The way he looks at you. I walked out of my room earlier today and you were talking to him. He seemed… in pain. He looked just like how I felt.”

Your head began racing and so did your heart. In love with… Seokmin? Not Seungcheol? He didn’t ask you about Seungcheol, but Seokmin? Something seemed wrong and at the same time…

“I- I don’t know. Mingyu, I am… I am in no headspace to be in love with anyone.” You shook your head, grabbing his wrist with both of your hands and pulling his hand from your face. It almost killed you to see the look in his eyes.

“You felt something for me, didn’t you? You… you had feelings for me, right?” He was asking for too much. He might not know, but he did. Shaking off your hands, he now brought both his hands back to your face, taking a step closer to you.

“Tell me right now, Y/N, that you never had feelings for me. That I was never on your mind as more than just a friend with benefits. If you can’t tell me that, I swear I’ll leave you alone.”

The heart in your chest was about to stop. His words reminded you too much of Seokmin and what he had said before you had given into your longing. Everything inside of you screamed at you to say something, to tell him you never felt anything. But just like Seungcheol, you know he’d see right through your lies. So, you pressed your lips together and lowered your gaze.

“You can’t, can you?” Mingyu whispered, thumb caressing your cheek. Then, he dipped his head and kissed you, kissed you with all of his might, with his heart and soul, with all he could ever give you. 

And for a moment, you let him. Let him kiss you, and kissed him back. Arms hanging down your body, but your eyes closed and your head tilted up. You let his tongue swirl around yours, let his hands grab your face like he never wanted to let go. 

But then you remember Wonwoo. Remembers Chan. Remember what he’d lose and how foolish it would be of him to choose you over friendships. Remember that he might not even be the one you want, that your heart is torn and divided between three. So, you pushed him away. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I just- I need to go.” 

You turned away from him and ran, not caring when he called after you, not caring when your feet brought you back to the party and you downed another three glasses of wine. 

And when you saw Jeonghan leave, it only took you five minutes to follow him up the elevator. 

The knock on the door was drowned out by your own heartbeat. On a scale from one to ten, this was probably a ten on how dumb this decision was. And yet. Sleeping with Jeonghan would, (a) distract you from your pain and, (b) mean you had finished the Challenge after all. You allowed yourself to concentrate on those two arguments and bit down on your lip when the door finally swung open, revealing Jeonghan with his suit jacket discarded and the first few buttons of his shirt undone. 

He looked absolutely angelic. Or as angelic as a devil could look, at least. 

And the second he realized it was you, the angelic aura changed into the one of what he actually was. His grin made him almost look feral.

“I knew you’d come.” He said before pulling you against him, the door falling shut behind you. Your breath left your body and your eyes looked up at him, big and round, and Jeonghan wanted nothing more than to devour you. 

“This doesn’t change the fact that I hate you,” you mumbled, eyes glued to his. His grin only grew.

“I always thought hate-sex to be the absolute best.” 

His kiss made your body shake, your hands flying to his hair, digging your fingers into his scalp. His hands grabbed your thighs, lifting you up, your legs immediately finding their way around his waist. You could feel him against your core, your dress shoved up to your stomach. 

He walked over to the bed, dropping you down onto it. You looked at him, eyes dark and mouth red, and he only grinned, flipping you over the next second. You let out a surprised yelp, which turned into a moan when you felt his lips on your nape, kissing down your back and down to the zipper of your dress, opening it with nimble fingers. Every inch of skin he set free, his lips found and kissed, shivers continuously running down your spine. 

Together, you freed yourself of the dress, leaving you in only your ruined panties. Jeonghan stared down at you, at your perfect body on his bed, hair sprawled over the sheets, goosebumps on your skin. He kneeled down onto the bed, leaning over you and kissing down your back again, fingers caressing your sides as he moved. 

Delicious moans escaped your throat, only making Jeonghan grow even harder in his pants. Kissing and licking his way down, he stopped at the waistband of your underwear, telling you to lift your hips. Said and done, he pulled the underwear off you, leaving you completely bare before him.

“God, aren’t you just beautiful, darling.” He licked over his lips, hands now groping your ass, making you cry out in pleasure. He groaned as well, the firm skin off your ass making his cock twitch. He quickly moved down, pushing your hips forward and heading face first into your soaked folds. 

You let out a high-pitched moan when you felt his tongue on you, his nose bumping against your throbbing entrance. He devoured you like you were his favorite meal, hands still kneading your ass and thumb carefully pressing down on your rim. You jerked forward, pleasure shooting through your whole body like an electric shock. He chuckled against your folds, licking through your folds and finally letting his tongue thrust into your cunt, thumb applying more pressure against your rim. 

“Oh, gods”, you couldn’t help it, couldn’t help when you came just then for the second time that evening, your orgasm rushing over you. Jeonghan was more than happy to collect your release with his tongue, your taste addicting. He thrusted his tongue back into you, only to pull back and move up, his tongue finding where his thumb had been before. Your fingers gripped the bedsheets and an even louder moan was heard throughout the room, having you hoping and praying the room was soundproof. 

Jeonghan thrived on your sounds and continued his spiel, tongue flicking around your rim, getting it nice and wet, very slowly letting it sink into you, all while his right hand moved to your pussy, thumb finding your clit and circling it the same way his tongue was fucking into your rim.

“Fuck- fuck!” You saw stars around your head, saw your next orgasm only minutes away. Licking over your rim one more time, Jeonghan moved back, using his hands now to get rid of his own clothes.

“Who would have thought you like it up the ass, darling. What do you say? Should I prep you and fuck you pretty ass?” As if to underline his question, he slapped your asscheek, making you whimper. 

“Y-yes, please, f-fuck,” your mind was clouded with desire and Jeonghan groaned, hands now getting rid of his pants and briefs, throwing them down to your clothes on the floor. Fully naked now, he let his fingers brush over your back again, finally grabbing ahold of your hair and pulling you up. You let out a breathless sound, pussy throbbing.

“Mhm, then I shall do just that… but first.” His hand grabbed around his cock, jerking it off a couple times before bringing it to your pussy and pushing into you. Your moans were music to his ears. You sounded even better than he had ever allowed himself to believe. 

He began to fuck your pussy then, his hand still pulling your hair back as his hips moved against yours, his balls slapping against your ass over and over as he sped up his pace. 

“Fuck, even with Seungcheol’s cum still inside you, you’re so fucking tight, baby.” He breathed against your ear, biting down on your earlobe. You shuddered and nodded, not entirely sure what you should say or if you even could at this point. 

Jeonghan’s movements became more rapid, chasing your high more than his, knowing he was still going to get your ass and come all over it later. The thought alone almost made him spill into you, his cock twitching dangerously.

“Come on, darling, come on my cock. Don’t you want me to fuck your ass? Want me to spill all over it later, hm?” 

As much as he would have loved to pump you full, he’d be more than happy with getting his load onto your body. You cried out, pussy pulsating as your third orgasm neared. And when Jeonghan brought his thumb to your clit, rubbing circles onto it harshly, black dots appeared in front of your eyes when you reached your high, cunt vibrating around Jeonghan as wave after wave of pleasure hit you. 

“Yes, that’s right, come on my cock, my pretty little whore.” He fucked you through it, mouth hanging open as he watched the way his cock kept disappearing into you. 

When he let go of your hair  moments later, you fell down on youR hands and knees, your body still tingling from your orgasm. Jeonghan quickly got down from the bed and opened his suitcase, finding what he needed right then. 

“Stay like that, darling.” He hurried to the bathroom, quickly dampening a towel and cleaning his cock of your juices. He might be an ass, but he still didn’t want to endanger you or him. Once he was done, he practically ran back to you, grabbing the lube he had put on the bed earlier.

“Be a doll and lay down, just your ass up in the air- exactly like that, good girl.” You found your head in the pillows, your breath ragged as you wiggled your hips. You really craved him inside you.

Jeonghan made good work of preparing you. Lube on your hole, on his fingers, slowly working you open enough for him to finally sink his aching cock into you. 

And when he did, he swore he saw the gates of heaven. 

“God, fucking hell,” he groaned, his nails digging into your lower back as he bottomed out. Your eyes rolled back and you felt yourself shiver from pleasure. 

Doing his first thrust, Jeonghan almost felt himself spill right then and there. 

“You feel so fucking good.” 

One, two, three more slow thrusts and he felt like you were ready for what he needed. He tried his first harder and quicker thrust and you whimpered, shoving your hips against his.

“M-more.”

Oh, he was very willing to give you more. Placing his hands on your waist, he threw his head back and fucked into you hard and quick, your walls squeezing him so absolutely fucking perfect he almost believed it to be a dream. 

“Fuck yeah, such a good girl, letting me fuck her ass like that.” He leaned forward, sinking even deeper into you and his head hung low as he couldn’t control his groans. His hips crashed against yours over and over, your body needing another release. And when your own finger found your clit, rubbing it desperately, you felt another blackout coming.

“Fuck, are you coming again?” Jeonghan bit down on his lip, eyes rolling back and he pulled out at the exact moment his cock squirted out his load, thick and white and looking like art on your perfect ass. You came just then, your body quivering and you fell forward onto the bed, Jeonghan collapsing right beside you, his chest heaving. 

Five minutes, you told yourself. You were just going to give yourself five minutes before you’d leave to your own room. 

Just that, when Jeonghan got up and got a towel to clean you up, five minutes hadn’t even been over and you were already fast asleep. 

–

How easy it would be to blame it on the alcohol. But sadly, you hadn’t even been that drunk. Jeonghan was already awake when you sat up in his bed, the blanket pressed to your still naked body.

“Sleep well?” He asked over his shoulder. He had already showered, hair still a little wet. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” You asked, ignoring that he was naked from the waist up and getting up. Big mistake, you realized, when you felt an ache in between your legs and… further back. 

Jesus, you really let him fuck your ass. 

“For what reason?” Jeonghan chuckled.

“Pretty sure people who had hate-sex don’t spend the night in each other’s rooms.” Mumbling, you searched for your clothes on the floor, growing slightly panicked when you didn’t find them.

“Look over there,” Jeonghan pointed at the closet, “your dress is in there. Your underwear, though, I fear that didn’t quite survive yesterday.”

The heat in your cheeks was almost laughable. Continuing to ignore him you grabbed your dress from the closet and quickly slipped into it, thankfully succeeding again to zip it up yourself.

“Well, uhm, I should go then.”

“Breakfast is already over downstairs, but I’d be happy to take you to my favorite brunch place.” Jeonghan smirked at you, knowing full well you were not going to accept his invitation. 

“I think I’d rather starve, thank you very much.”

Funny thing, this timing. 

Opening the door to Jeonghan’s room and stumbling out, your shoes dangling from your hand and your body still sore, you felt all the color wash away from your face.

Seungcheol, Seokmin and Mingyu all stood in the hallway, probably waiting for Jeonghan. Your breath got stuck in your throat, all their eyes set on you.

“You forgot your pur-,” Jeonghan came out after you now, his eyes immediately catching the three men standing there. His smirk came back when he handed you the handbag.

“Guys, I’ll be right there, just need to put on some shoes!” He winked at them and disappeared back into his room. 

The sound of the door closing brought you back to the here and now. Without even second guessing it, you turned away from the three men who haunted your fragile heart and began walking to your own room.

Of course, they followed you. 

Of course, they called your name. 

And of course, they all stood there with their eyes on you as you looked for the keycard in your purse right outside your door.

“Please tell me you didn’t actually sleep with Jeonghan.” Seungcheol.

“Why would you do that? After the balcony, I- I thought…” Mingyu.

“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, please- please tell me this is not what it looks like.” Seokmin. 

Fuck, your head was hurting. 

Everything around you was a blur and you finally found the keycard, taking it out and pressing it against the pad, pushing the door open. 

“Y/N!” All three said in unison. And finally, you turned and looked at them. One by one.

Mingyu, on the far right. Tall and handsome and with hurt on his face like you hadn’t seen before. Hadn’t you told him? That you weren’t good for him? That he deserved better? Yet, he was here, standing in front of you and still wanting you. Your heart squeezed inside your chest, in fact, all of your insides felt like they were squished together. Mingyu, who had given you a sense of normal, who had made you laugh, who had understood your desire to finish the challenge, who had stayed by your side and promised to wait for you. 

Seungcheol, in the middle. Broad and beautiful and with sadness in his eyes you didn’t think he even had in him. In some twisted way, you knew he loved you. He wanted to be yours and was sure you were his. But he was also the reason you and Jiwoo weren’t friends anymore. He and his charm and the way he made butterflies erupt in your stomach whenever he touched you. He, who matched your energy and who wanted to take care of you. 

Seokmin, on the left. Strong and pretty and just as pained as the other two. But there was more behind his eyes. More longing and regret, more needing to be reassured he hadn’t imagined all that had happened between you two. You weren’t stupid and you also weren’t blind. Of course, you had felt it too, of course the encounter at your place had been more than anything you had ever thought could happen to you. But you didn’t really know him, did you? Seokmin wanted to know you. He wanted to know every bit of you. Seokmin wanted to be with you, wanted to be what you needed at all times.

And you? 

You, in front of them, took a slow step to the side with trembling lips and let them walk past you one by one into what would be the most important decision of your life. 

taglist @ariachavez168, @sandcasltes, @amiga-qmilagraso, @learnthisfeeling, @cersti-mo0, @nixtape-foryou, @minahoeshi, @listxn, @starlight-night0, @havetaeminforbreakfast, @kwonranghae, @haogyuslut, @a-dramatic-girl, @lovercuff, @grapefruithan, @whyokoa, @lovercheol, @cosmicupoftea, @learnthisfeeling, @knucklesdeepmingi, @wonusworldd, @baldi-2, @seventeencaratworld, @kingalls00, @1-800-jeonwonwoo, @hoeforhao, @p-dwiddle-blog, @tsukimiyuukun, @urfavtallgirl222 @Jordand2012, @lcvejordyn, @Jeanjacketjesus, @gaebestie, @hara-98-fan, @human-wthout-dreams, @eburneon, @xiusmarshmallow, @spbrax, @speaknowlwt, @lvlyjisung @yogurttea, @novalpha, @woo8hao, @hgma @akemiixx01@tsukimiyuukun @volitina @haoxiaoba @justhere4kpop @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken, @miriamxsworld, @lexix001, @avyskai @punkhazardlaw, @lostmembrane @magicshop1913 @tigerhoshii @wonuskie, @myseokjinji, @mrtyhqr, @becarat, @f4airyjjosh, @taellien, @lovelyakane, @mauge92, @teeskz, @Kayjcozz, @xyren1, @jeonjungkaka, @nsfwseungcheol, @babybae-shisui, @djisfantastic, @wakandabiitch2, @mailight (if your user is crossed out, i means tumblr is a bitch and wont let me tag you)

[thriftedtchotchkes]

old dogs don't change

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: weeks after sleeping together, your no-strings-attached agreement goes up in flames when joel goes on a date with another woman. you make sure that never happens again. (sequel to keep it on the low)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, ex-boyfriend!joel, jackson era, tlou 2 jesse appearance, age gap, hurt, angst, smut, unprotected piv, post-breakup sex, rough sex, public sex, rough oral (m!receiving), exhibitionism, possessive behavior, jealousy, alcohol use, briefly dating other people

word count: 10.6k

You have no idea who she is, but you bet she’s a total bitch. Is that mean? Maybe. Do you give a shit? Nope.

To be fair, you’d probably say that about anyone Joel started dating after you, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be true. Sure, you've never actually talked to her…or seen her before in your entire life, but that’s beside the point. She’s cute and bubbly, and everything you’re not, and that’s the point. 

It’s honestly a little comical how different the two of you are, and you can’t help but wonder if Tommy did that on purpose. You know he was the one who set them up. Everyone in the dining hall was talking about it this morning. The latest, hottest piece of gossip, bouncing from table to table like a cruel game of telephone. 

He probably thinks he’s protecting his big brother, but you think he needs to mind his own fucking business. It’s not like he knows anything about your relationship, not really. Well. It’s not your relationship anymore, is it? And Tommy, along with everyone else in this town, blames you for that.

Poor Joel, dumped by the biggest bitch in Jackson, who took advantage of his kindness and patience for years, and broke his heart when all he did was love her. Selfish, cold, and uncaring. Nothing like the pretty, perky girl sitting next to him in the booth they’re sharing at Seth’s. 

If only they knew what really happened.

The bar is especially busy, even for a Saturday night, so you figure no one’ll notice you blatantly glaring at them. It’s not like you care, anyway. You’re feeling warm and loose, and maybe a little too tipsy for your own good, but tonight, you get to do whatever the fuck you want. 

Because Joel’s sitting ten feet away with his arm slung around another woman, and it hurts. 

It sucks way worse than him avoiding you since the last time you slept together, after all of the things you did and said on that couch. The things he said. You shoo away the thought with another swig of beer, wishing you were drinking something stronger. It's for the best. 

If you get any drunker, you’ll probably end up doing something stupid, and the last thing you need is to prove everyone right that he’s better off without you. But you can’t seem to shake the anger that’s starting to simmer below the surface. 

With the emotional toll this night has already taken, you kind of don’t want to. So, you surrender to it. Fuck him. He’s a piece of shit for parading his new girl around right in front of you, and for breaking off your agreement without so much as a word. 

If he wanted to see other people, he should’ve opened his mouth and used his big boy words. Then again, he’s always been terrible at that, so why are you surprised? 

Maybe he’ll fuck her tonight. Touch her all of the ways you like because that’s all he knows anymore. She’ll moan for him, soft and sweet, gentle in her affection, just like she’s touching him right now. But it won’t satisfy him, and when he’s panting on top of her, chasing that all-consuming release only you can give him, you know he’ll be pretending she's you. 

Asshole.

You’re still watching them, shooting daggers from your spot at the bar, when your wish from earlier is granted. Two overflowing shot glasses topped with lime are placed in front of you, and you look up to see a very attractive dark-haired, brown-eyed man smirking down at you.

"Looked a little lonely over here," he says in a raspy baritone even lower than Joel's. He clinks the top of your beer bottle with the bottom of his own. "Thought you could use some company, maybe another drink."

Well, he’s right. You could use some company, and you’d love another drink. There’s no harm in having a little fun, right? If Joel’s doing it, then there’s nothing stopping you.

"So, both of these are for me, then?" you smile coyly, reaching for one. He nods, his own smile widening.

"Could be. Can I join ya?" he gestures to the empty stool next to you. 

He has this cocky look on his face like he already knows you'll say yes, and in your inebriated state, you think it's kind of hot. It reminds you of Joel when you first met. How he knew exactly what he wanted and wouldn't give up until it was his. Until you were his.

You consider him for a moment. He’s young, maybe even younger than you, and obviously confident enough to make a move on you. Fleetingly, you think he might end up being that stupid thing you do tonight, but then you down one of the shots and decide you don't actually care. 

What turns out to be tequila burns the entire way down, and you immediately pick up a slice of lime. You’re hyperaware of the way his eyes lock onto your mouth as you suck on the sour fruit, lingering when a droplet of juice dribbles down your chin. 

It’s not a total surprise when he reaches up to thumb it away, but you are taken off guard by how strange it makes you feel. The pad of his finger is disappointingly smooth, no weathering or even a hint of a callus. You're not sure why that matters to you, but you can take a decent guess.

You chance a glance over at Joel's table and, of course, you have his full attention now. His entire body looks tense, from his hand clenched on the table to the prominent vein bulging angrily in his neck. 

Good. Now he knows how it feels.

Looking back up at your mystery guy, you run your tongue along your bottom lip, catching any remaining lime before you finally give him an answer. 

"Sure. Pop a squat, cowboy," you giggle. It doesn't even sound like you and feels wrong the second it passes your lips, but as long as Joel heard it, that's all that matters. "You got a name?"

He replies, but you're too busy keeping an eye on Joel in your peripheral to catch what he says. In the back of your mind, you think that’s probably a good thing. You'd rather not know, especially if you do end up taking him home. 

Mystery guy laughs at your noncommittal hum and you realize you’ve been caught. But he doesn’t seem upset. It’s clear he’s amused by your obvious interest elsewhere and that piques your curiosity. 

Any other guy here would’ve been pissed by your apathy, especially if they’d bothered to buy you a drink that you accepted, but apparently not this one.

He sits down on the stool next to you, pulling it close enough that his knee presses against yours. You unconsciously lean into him, your skin erupting in goosebumps despite your growing unease.

He's...baffling. A total enigma. You can’t figure out what his deal is or why he’s choosing to keep pursuing you when your eyes have been glued to another man all night. 

The thought of letting this continue long enough to find out is a little thrilling. Might as well see where this goes. If it escalates, you’re more than confident in your ability to care of yourself.

But it happens sooner than you expect. His hand finds the back of your stool and, then, his lips are suddenly right next to your cheek. You can feel the warmth of them as he tilts his head to whisper in your ear.

“Look, not try'na to overstep, but…,” his eyes dart to where Joel’s sitting, unreservedly ignoring his date. The poor thing barely notices, chattering away about something not nearly as important to him as watching you. His gaze returns to you, and you can feel him smirking. “You wanna make that guy you've been staring at all night jealous?"

That’s—wow. You didn’t see that one coming. He’s got a lot of audacity to assume that’s something you’d want, let alone offer…what? His services? 

But, then again, he isn’t wrong. Joel’s been the only thing on your mind since you walked into Seth’s tonight and saw him with her. He’s always on your mind if you’re being totally honest with yourself. It’s plain to see, obvious to every single person in this bar including the man himself.

You eye your mystery guy curiously for a second before nodding, your lips quirking into a small smirk. Maybe it’s time to prove to Joel and everyone else in this judgmental town that you’ve moved on, too. That you’re not the sad, bitter shrew that deserves to be alone.

"Yeah, actually, I do," you reply cautiously. But there's still one lingering question that has yet to be answered. "I just…why? I don’t get why you’re helping me. What are you getting out of this?”

He shrugs, and somehow you can just tell by the look in his eyes that there’s no hidden agenda. You’re not sure how you’re just noticing, but he has kind eyes. This whole time, he’s been nothing but patient and attentive, like Joel always was—...is? 

Was.

You almost wish you could fall for someone like this man instead of pathetically clinging to your past. Maybe you’ll at least get a friend out of this crazy night, if nothing else. But then you remember one, tiny problem with that idea.

“Can you tell me your name again? I promise you have my full attention this time,” you smile sheepishly. He chuckles good-naturedly and, again, doesn’t seem to hold it against you.

“It’s Jesse,” he says with a deep, southern drawl you should probably be more attracted to. “And let’s just say I know how it feels to want someone ya can’t have.”

You nod slowly, understanding perfectly. Except—you didn't realize up until this moment that that's exactly what you want. Someone you can't ever have. 

And it took seeing Joel with someone else, his body pressed up against a woman that isn't you, to realize it. Well, that fucking sucks.

You decide not to ask about Jesse's situation. It's not your business and, anyway, you're both trying to feel better about your circumstances, not worse. 

There’s a silent sense of camaraderie between you that tells you to throw caution to the wind. Tossing back the second shot, you turn your stool to face his, literally and figuratively turning your back on Joel. 

“It’s really nice to meet you, Jesse,” you murmur, and you genuinely mean it. He grins, leaning in slowly, still giving you time to back out if you want to, but you don't. 

Eat your heart out, Joel Miller. This one's for you.

"S'nice to meet you, too," he replies softly. 

Then, his lips are on yours. The kiss is wet and open-mouthed, and yet he handles you so delicately. He cradles your face in his hands as his tongue brushes against yours, and you moan softly into his mouth, letting your body get lost in the way he feels. And he feels so—

Much different than Joel. 

All you can think about is how much you miss Joel's rough touch, the way he'd thread his fingers through your hair and tug you into his mouth, nearly devouring you whole. Joel kissed you like every time might be the last, right up until it actually was. 

Fucking hell, why can't you just enjoy this without him ruining it for you?

You try to forget about it, about him, licking into Jesse's mouth a little more aggressively, and he groans, his body eager and responsive. It's probably more than you should be doing in public, sitting at a bar surrounded by people but, hell, you want them to see. 

They can say whatever they want about you. You're done giving a shit.

And, boy, will they have a lot to talk about after tonight. Joel makes sure of that. It happens so fast, you barely register that Jesse’s lips aren’t on yours anymore like they should be.

One moment, Jesse's hands are trailing down your sides to your waist, and the next, he's being forcibly dragged off you. Between you stands a broad, imposing figure ensuring you stay separated.

Your mind goes blank, and all you can do is watch in shock and disbelief as Joel lets loose on him, his words possessive and almost nonsensical. 

"The fuck you think you're doin' touchin' her like that? Y'need to learn how to keep your hands to yourself, kid, before ya get yourself in trouble," he grits out angrily. 

To his credit, Jesse stays cool and collected, but it’s not enough. There’s already a few pairs of eyes on you, drawn by the physical altercation, and it won’t be long before the rest of the bar notices the impending fight.

"Respectfully, sir, s'long as the lady consents, I'll put my hands wherever she wants," Jesse replies, standing his ground. He tries to move around him to return to your side, but Joel fixes him with a look that sends a shiver down your spine.

"S'that really a good idea?" Joel sounds menacing and looks even more so the longer the conversation continues. 

You’re still numb to everything unfolding in front of you and it’s not until Jesse’s next to you again, snaking an arm around your waist, that you finally come to. The reality of your situation hits you like a ton of bricks and now you’re mad. You open your mouth to retaliate, but Jesse cuts you off before you can get a word in.

“There a reason it wouldn’t be?” he turns the question back on Joel and you tense, anticipating a less-than-friendly answer. Jesse squeezes your hip in reassurance, but it does nothing to soothe your unease. He doesn’t know Joel like you do.

“Kid, do I look like I’m fuckin’ around? Take your hands off her and walk away. M'not gonna tell you again,” he all but growls, taking a threatening step forward. 

Neither of you back down. Jesse’s arm stays firm around you as your nails bite into your palm. It's taking everything you've got not to make a bigger scene than you already have.

You knew it. Since the breakup, you’ve been trying to reconcile this increasingly unfamiliar man with the Joel you gave your entire heart to all those years ago. With each passing month, the differences between the two become more and more obvious.

He's angrier now and has so much less patience. It's not that he's unkind. You know that no matter what his circumstances are, Joel will continue to be a good man. But he has a hair trigger, especially when it comes to you. 

And he wants. God, he always wants you. It’s not that you didn’t have an active sex life before everything fell apart. He just...fucks you differently now. Possessively and without restraint, like he needs to be sure you're satisfied enough to never need anyone else. The agreement to keep sleeping together was actually his idea. And it worked for a while—until it suddenly didn't. 

Now, you're forced to come face-to-face with that reality. Sitting at this bar, you spent the entirety of the night believing he'd decided he didn't want you anymore, that he was ready to find happiness in something simpler than sneaking around with his ex.

Except, it's starting to feel like maybe that's not as true as he made it seem. Like he never should've gone on this date in the first place.

"What the fuck, Joel?" you hiss, fighting to keep your volume under control. Not that it matters. The entire bar is staring at you, their eyes ping-ponging back and forth like they're watching a tennis match. "Back the fuck off. Now. This is none of your business."

"The hell it ain't my business. Some kid's runnin' his hands all over another man's girl and y'think that ain't my business?" 

His trembling hands clench into fists at his sides and, while you’re betting the rest of the bar thinks he’s preparing for a fight, that isn’t Joel. It might be you, though, if he keeps this up.

"Excuse me? And whose girl am I—yours? Because I'm pretty sure your girl is sitting over there in that booth. Or did you forget about your date?"

For a moment, he actually has the nerve to look ashamed, like he feels bad about leaving her all alone at their table and for humiliating her in front of all these people. He avoids her crestfallen gaze, likely not ready to face the hurt he’s caused. 

But it only lasts for a second before his eyes darken again, focused solely on you. As if Jesse, his pretty date, and everyone else in this bar disappeared, and it's just you and him. This conversation doesn't include them anymore. It's a private matter now.

"We're leavin'," he says with finality, his tone leaving no room for argument. 

He should know better. That's not how things work with you. You’re a fighter, a trait he’s always loved about you, even if your ire was directed at him. Back then, it rarely was.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'm leaving with you," you scoff bitterly. "Go back to your date, I'll go back to mine, and we can forget about this. All of it. We're done, Joel."

He shakes his head, mouth tipping down into a frown like he's thinking something over. Then, he huffs out a laugh. Like, an actual laugh, and you start to think maybe he really has lost his mind.

"Y'know, I really don't think we are, darlin'," he drawls dangerously. 

He's on you in an instant, his hand wrapped tightly around your arm as he drags you out of the bar. You briefly consider resisting, but he's moving too quickly. All of those shots you downed combined with the beer you drank earlier go straight to your head, and you're suddenly overwhelmingly distracted by the feeling of his skin on yours.

Fuck, it feels like it's been so long. In reality, you know it's only been a few weeks but, god, you missed it. His hands on your body, anywhere at all on your body. You'd hate how quickly you forget about Jesse if you could think about anything else but those familiar, rough fingertips.

The way they dig into you, reminiscent of how he'd squeeze your thighs or clutch your waist when he was making love to you.

...Wait, what? No...no, fuck. Why is he making this so difficult? Why—Christ...why can't you just leave each other alone? If he never planned on letting you go, he shouldn't have broken up with you. And if he still wanted you this badly...all he had to do was ask. You would've said yes in a heartbeat.

So, you let him steal you away, out into the brisk, wintry air that does little to cool your fury or the heat beginning to coil in your belly. The door shuts noisily behind you, and you immediately wrench your arm out of his grasp before he can say a word. It's your turn to talk now.

"What is wrong with you? You can't just...fuck, you can't do shit like this!" You're seething, practically shaking in your rage, and his expression doesn't look much different. 

"And you can? I dunno what the hell you were thinkin' gettin’ cozy with some goddamn kid, lettin’ him touch ya like that in front of the whole town," he reiterates harshly. He's starting to sound like a broken record. It's the only leverage he's got, and you both know it's flimsy at best.

"Some kid? Jesse's a fucking adult, clearly more mature than you," you bite back. "And it’s a bar, Joel. That's what people do at bars."

Joel scoffs, and you can tell he hates the way Jesse's name falls from your lips. Especially when those lips were on yours not even ten minutes ago. 

"And who are you to decide who can and can't touch me? You broke up with me," you continue resentfully. "You don't get a say anymore."

At that, his face becomes unreadable. He didn't need the reminder, and you know that, but it needed to be said for both of your sakes. Sometimes you think maybe he actually forgets it was his choice to give you up. That he didn't realize his decision would hurt you as much as it hurt him.

"So, what? You gonna take him home then, let him fuck ya?" He leans in close, so close you can feel his soft, graying curls against your temple and the coarse drag of his beard across your cheek. 

"Kiss ya here—," a finger trails delicately down the side of your neck to his spot above your collarbone, then continues down to where you've been aching for him for weeks, "—taste ya here." 

You slap his hand away before he can get any further, but your reaction only spurs him on. How could you forget? He likes that.

"Y'know he can't make ya feel as good as I do. Fuck you just how y'like it, make ya cum as hard as I do," he drawls confidently, almost smugly, in your ear. "Don't ya?"

It's less a question than a statement, because you both know he's right. Joel knows your body better than anyone ever has, maybe even better than you know it yourself. Just as much as you know his. And it's sort of funny. You were thinking the exact same thing about him with his date earlier.

"Sure, Joel. Just like you were gonna take that girl home, right?" You raise an eyebrow, turning your head so your lips graze his skin. "Pretty little thing like her, I bet she likes it slow and romantic. She’ll probably even stick around for a snuggle and some pillow talk. You'd love that.”

Even as you mock him, the sneer marring your face doesn’t quite meet your eyes, and the spiteful nature of your words tastes acrid as they pass your lips. He’s so good at that. Always able to bring out the worst in you to prove his point—that he’s no good for you.

But you stand firm, your chest pressed flush against his in a show of determination. You're still in control here, unlike Joel, whose fingers are twitching noticeably at his sides like he's just itching to get his hands on you again. 

"Maybe I would. Liked it with you, didn't I?" he murmurs wistfully, and that catches you completely off guard.

His words are almost too gentle to belong in this argument, and it doesn’t feel fair. What's worse, he looks like he means them. You’d prefer the fight, the aggression of the man who dragged you out of the bar. Not this. Not these traces of your Joel. 

You can already feel your resolve slipping, and the rapid thrum of your heartbeat tells you to let it. When his hands finally take their rightful place on your waist, he’s in control again.

The cool evening air is suddenly stifling, and you’re starting to feel like you’re suffocating, your thoughts a jumbled, heated haze of anger and fear and want. He squeezes hard enough to pull your hips into his and you unintentionally buck, allowing his hands to travel up your shirt. 

There's an intensity to his gaze, tinged with an unexpected tenderness. He almost looks...sated. Fulfilled, now that you're back in his arms. But not completely, not yet.

"You still haven't answered my question," he mutters. His hands splay across your ribcage, high enough for his thumbs to tease the undersides of your breasts.

You bite down hard on your bottom lip, sliding your hands up his chest to push him away so you can catch your breath, but your body won't cooperate. It's been well-trained to crave his touch. Exhaling sharply through your nose, you fist his shirt and instead pull him impossibly closer.

"You asked a lot of questions tonight. You're gonna have to be a little more specific,” you pant heavily.

It's getting more difficult to think, now, with the warmth of his body against you, his thumbs shifting higher to stroke your stiffening nipples. He urges your hips forward again to meet his, and you can already feel him straining in his jeans.

You whimper helplessly, unable to curb the way your body's reacting to him, and the soft sound causes something in him to snap. He suddenly backs you up against the hard brick of the bar's exterior and begins to grind languidly into your stomach. 

"Y'really believe that boy can take care of a woman like you? Hm?" He interrogates you, his voice gravelly and uneven in your ear. "Tell me I'm the only one who can give you what ya need. Wanna hear ya say it."

Fuck, you can't lie to him. As much as you want to, it's just one more thing your body won't allow you to do. Not when he's working you up like this. 

"You're the only one," you moan around your admission. He's still crowding you into the wall, his hands greedily roaming your soft curves.

His eyes meet yours, darting quickly to your mouth before he leans in to kiss you passionately like he’s rewarding you. It only lasts for a second, one deliciously fleeting second, before he pulls away. You’re not sure why you let him. Or why you kissed back.

"Who's the only man who can make ya scream?" he demands a little more urgently.

"You, Joel,” you murmur obediently, your lips already parted and ready for your prize.

And he acquiesces—another insistent kiss that doesn’t last nearly long enough. This time, you chase him, but he jerks his head back. He still has one last question for you. Except, this time, he looks afraid of the answer. 

"Whose girl are ya?"

He whispers it so softly, you barely catch it over the whistling, nighttime breeze. As he brushes a few ruffled strands of hair behind your ear, you answer without hesitation. 

"Yours, Joel."

His entire body relaxes. Now, he's complete.

"Damn right, you are—"

Then, the front door bursts open next to you, and he's abruptly cut off. Joel is quick to tug you around the corner into the alleyway before anyone can spot you, but he's not fast enough to keep you from seeing who just left the bar.

Jesse.

And there it is. A shock to the system, enough to clear some of that smoky, nostalgic haze and bring you back to the present. But as everything hurtles back for the second time tonight, this time around, you can’t be mad because he’s right.

Of course, you're not Jesse's girl. As pathetic as it sounds, you'll always be Joel's because he’s the only one who can take care of you and give you what need. The only man who can make you scream. But that goes both ways.

Even though he’s been picking fights all night, he hasn’t raised his voice once. It's not the way he wins his battles. So, maybe it's time to remind Joel Miller that there is someone who can make him scream. But he isn't allowed to unless you say so.

It all feels eerily familiar—his fingers digging into your waist and your lips crashing into his hard enough to bruise. You lead him deeper into the alley, back to where the glow of the string lights above the bar can't reach you, before you separate from him. 

Neither of you wants to be the one to say it, but it needs to be heard. Here, in the dark, you can be his completely, but once you part ways and return to your empty beds, that's it. Just like last time. The reasons for your breakup are still very real, and that means your relationship can't be.

"Only here. Right, Joel?"   

He stays silent for a moment, his gaze filled with deep longing and sadness. It almost makes you want to take it back. Take him back. So, when he shakes his head and cups your cheeks, kissing you like this might be his last chance, you're not surprised in the slightest.

And after this whole night—this whole confusing, fucked-up night—you let him. Right now, he needs this. Maybe you do, too.

His lips taste like whiskey and relief, and you return his kiss with all of the passion and fervor he’s pouring into you. You’re both a little frantic in the way you touch each other, but as much as you don’t want it to, it makes perfect sense. 

Those few weeks without each other felt like years, and now that his hands are back on your body and his voice, deep and dulcet, is in your ear telling you how badly he wants you, you don’t want to let him go again.

You grind the heel of your hand into the front of his jeans and his responding groan pleases you more than it probably should. This. This is yours—his pleasure, his attention, him. They belong to you and you alone. Not his pretty, perky fucking date. 

The sudden possessiveness stuns you for a moment, but it's not enough to stop the feeling from consuming you. This must be how it feels for Joel. It's potent and feels so, so…right. You're starting to think you've felt this way for a while.

"I needed you, and you made me wait so fucking long," you gasp against his lips, and the fingers cradling your face tense. You’re still fisting his shirt, nearly hard enough to tear, and you wrench it up from where it’s tucked into his pants. 

"M'sorry, darlin', I know. I know I did,” he rasps back, following your lead and dropping his hands from your cheeks so he can unbuckle his jeans. “M'gonna make it up to ya. Tell me what you want, I’ll give it to ya.”

You want everything. Everything he has to give, you want it all. After everything you've been through, the hurt he caused you, you deserve it. And right now, what you want is for him to feel so good, he'll never go on a date with someone who isn't you ever again.

Sharp gravel bites into your bare skin as you drop to your knees in front of him. He's already so hard under all that heavy fabric and looks desperate above you. Just as desperate as you are for him to replace the flavor of Jesse's tequila and lime on your tongue with something saltier and headier, and undeniably Joel.

You hastily unbutton and unzip his jeans, not wasting any more of the precious time you have left together, before tugging them down just enough to free his cock and balls. He looks...fucking mouth-watering—flushed and red and leaking, and so goddamn thick. You wrap your hand around him and he sighs gratefully, dribbling precum onto your fingers.

"This is what I want," you finally reply, keeping your eyes locked on his as you lean forward to lick a broad line up his cock. He hisses in a breath through his teeth, his thighs already beginning to tremble, and you brace your hand on one. "But you're gonna be quiet, okay? I'm gonna suck your cock and you're not gonna make a single sound."

His expression darkens, but he agrees to your terms, nonetheless.

"Sure, darlin'. Whatever you say," he nods, gazing down at you with furrowed brows. He cradles your face in his hand and brushes his thumb along your cheekbone.

The affectionate gesture isn't lost on you, but this time you accept it. Instinctively leaning into his touch, you revel in it for a brief moment before his cock pulsing a frantic rhythm against your palm becomes an unignorable distraction. But a welcome one.

"That's my boy," you mumble against the tip. Just as a pained noise escapes his parted lips, you swallow him down as far as you can take him, purposely gagging yourself on him before you can dwell on the words that accidentally just tumbled out.

Your boy. Your boy. It echoes in your mind, ricocheting wildly and painfully like a bullet. Before you can take it back, maybe even to keep you from taking it back, he buries his fingers in your hair and holds you in place. You choke around him, trying your best to breathe through your nose, but in doing so, you take in a lungful of the heady musk at his base.

The familiarity of it all sends you reeling. He only gives you a second to adjust before he's fucking into your mouth and biting back a litany of needy sounds that rival your own wet, audible gagging. Your grip on his thigh tightens as your throat relaxes, allowing you to take him deeper, and you can feel yourself clenching around nothing every time he grazes the back of your throat. 

Tears stream down your cheeks and he wipes them away with a much too tender swipe of his thumb, even as he continues to force you up and down his cock. But you're too lost in your pleasure to notice anymore. So fucking good, you feel so, so good. But you need more, and you're not willing to pull off of him just yet.

Tugging down the front of your shirt, you roll a sensitive nipple between your fingers, and, god, that helps. You imagine they're Joel's and it amplifies the sensation, though your fingertips are still too smooth and delicate. Then, they're replaced by exactly what you've been yearning for all night. 

“You don’t even know how beautiful y'look like this,” he grits out, his fingers running through your hair with one hand and roughly cupping your breast with the other. His hips stutter, and you moan around him. “Fuckin’ perfect. How are ya so fuckin’ perfect?”

Beautiful. More beautiful than her? Well, you must be, because you’re the one here on your knees, choking on his cock, and she’s still sitting in the bar wondering if her date will ever come back. 

He won’t.

You preen without meaning to, your eyes blearily finding his while you drool around him, dripping saliva down his balls and onto your bare breasts. It's as if the visual alone has him thrusting into your mouth faster, pushing your limits only as much as he knows you can take. You must look like a wet dream right now, his wet dream, with your watery eyes and swollen, split-slick lips wrapped tightly around him.

Yet, he's remained so, so quiet this entire time, just like you told him to. Joel likes his sex loud, regardless of where you are and who might hear, so if he’s following your rules, that means something. 

It means he'll do whatever it takes to have you. The realization crashes over you like a bucket of ice water, and then you're pulling off of him. 

“You’ll give me anything, right? Anything I want?” your voice cracks around the question, wrecked from the effort of taking him. His hips chase your hand as you continue to pump him, matching his previous, unforgiving pace. 

“That ain’t a question, y’know I will,” he replies breathily and without hesitation. 

You gaze up at him, praying your eyes convey all of the need and anguish and hope you've felt since the last time you slept together. Since the last time you were his.

“Fuck me," and you won't accept anything less than his all. Not that half-assed shit he would've given her. "Fuck me."

He understands. His heart rate kicks up, thrumming wildly against the palm of your hand, and you know he does.

The growl that rumbles through his chest is nearly soundless but powerful. An entire night's worth of tension culminating in a single exhaled breath, just before he drags you up and spins you around, bending you over against the wall. 

Bracing yourself on the harsh brick, you rush to give him better access, arching your back as he tugs your pants and underwear down to your knees. A callused hand runs upward, following the notches of your spine, while his other spreads across your waist, pulling your hips back onto his so you can feel him, heavy and leaking against your bare ass.

God, he’s so close to where you need him now. His knuckles graze your skin as he grips the base, pumping himself before the blunt head of his cock nudges your entrance.

But then, for some godforsaken reason, you feel a wave of panic. Time suddenly feels like it's running out, worsening with every subtle movement he makes. The ticking clock of your and Joel's relationship, perpetually stuck at two minutes to midnight, has sprung to life and that terrifies you.

You don't want him to stop—fuck, you don't want him to stop, but you know neither of you will last long once he's inside you. The build-up was too intense and this entire night has you both wound up so tight, you could snap at any moment. 

You need to savor this. The way you failed to on your couch all those weeks ago, and might not get to ever again.

“Slow,” you tell him over your shoulder, and it's equal parts a command and a plea. If this is the last time, then you want to feel it. Every thick inch of him, while he still belongs to you. “Just…go slow.”

He nods, shifting forward almost imperceptibly so he can watch your lashes flutter as you brace for the stretch.

"Don't need’ta tell me. I know how ya like it," he replies gruffly.

He does. For now, you won’t overthink it or let yourself get lost in the nostalgia of his cock nestled inside you. You’ll just enjoy it. Sex with Joel has always been mind-blowing, and here, in a dirty alleyway, pressed up against the exterior of a bar, you bet it’ll be life-changing.

It stings like it always does when he breaches your entrance, no matter how wet you are for him. Together, you hiss in a sharp breath, mutually adjusting to the overwhelming stretch that quickly ebbs into something addictive.

"Tight as all goddamn hell," he mutters to himself, rocking into you languidly. He takes his time, relishing your walls enveloping him, mesmerized by the way you suck him in until he's buried to the hilt. 

"Would'ja look at that," he continues in awe, tracing where his cock is forcing you to yield to him. "Greedy fuckin' pussy, ain't she? M'not goin' anywhere, don't'chu worry. Gonna take care of ya...make ya feel so fuckin' good..."

He's starting to babble. Not good. Not good at all. 

Broad hands grip your ass, pulling your cheeks apart so he can see how tightly you’re gripping him, and it's too much. His hips buck, startling a pained whine out of you as he rams into that spot. The one deep inside you he can only reach when he’s fucking you from behind. Your cunt clenches, fighting to keep him there, and he growls low in his throat, hungry and territorial like a wild animal.

"There it is," he nudges it again, purposefully this time. You barely manage to bite back a sob as you gush messily around him. "Christ, honey, y'sure ya still want it slow? 'Cus it sure don't sound like it."

He's patronizing you. He knows exactly what he's doing—that's his spot. He also knows it makes you loud as fuck. But he wouldn’t. There’s no way he’d go back on his word, not after he promised he’d be discreet.

"Joel. Don't," you warn him shakily, but you're already too far gone to be intimidating. 

He pulls out until just the tip is still inside you, huffing out a distinctly calculated breath.

"Don't what? Don't make ya cum nice and loud on my cock? 'Fraid I can't do that, darlin'."

That's all the warning you get before he slams in hard. Your jaw drops, and you're positive you couldn't have stopped the wail punched out of your chest even if you'd tried.

Wrong. You’re wrong again, and you should’ve known better. It’s not the first time he’s gone back on his word, remember? Joel’s shitty lack of communication is why you’re here in the first place. Sure, he agreed to be quiet, but he never said anything about you.

He establishes a brutal pace that has you scrabbling against the wall for purchase and slapping a hand over your mouth in a futile attempt to muffle the desperate cries being forced from your body.

Please, don’t be outside. Please, please, Jesse. Don’t still be outside. 

But your luck's officially run out. 

Heavy mahogany crashes into solid brick, echoing down the alleyway, and a raucous group of people spills out onto the street, barely 30 feet from where your ass and tits are out for anyone to see. Then, the deep baritone of Jesse's voice cuts through the rest, and your blood immediately turns to ice. 

You're fucked. You're about to get caught and expose your secret to the entire town, except...Joel isn't stopping. Fuck, he's—

Yanking your entire body up and ripping your hand away from your mouth, rutting into you like he was just waiting for an audience. He snakes a hand up your stomach to palm at your chest, squeezing firmly to anchor himself as he fucks up into you with all the force he can muster.

And it turns you on so much, you finally stop caring. Fuck it. Fuck this town. Fuck everyone in that bar who made you feel like a goddamn pariah for months, crucifying you for the unforgivable sin of getting your heart broken. 

You hope his date's standing out there, too, so she can hear everything she'll never get to have. So they can all see that Joel Miller isn't the crushed, cruelly dumped old man they all thought he was.

Your moans ring out, loud and high-pitched, all but drowning out the messy slap of his hips into the drenched curve of your ass.

"That's it, darlin', let it all out," he chuckles darkly against the shell of your ear. Your next moan tapers into a drawn-out keen that he mimics, his thrusts getting shallow and sloppy. "S'for me, right? Let 'em know you're makin' all those pretty noises just for me."

Christ, you're close. And he's as close as you are, you can feel it. You turn your head, nodding jerkily into his shoulder.

"S'for you, Joel—mmph, just for you. Only for you," your words slur as he continues to bounce you on his cock. 

"Tell 'em you're mine, darlin’. Not just here," he pants raggedly, desperation coating his words. "Everywhere. You're mine everywhere."

The voices are getting closer, about to pass the mouth of the alley, and the ice in your veins quickly thaws, turning to molten lava. They'll definitely be able to able to hear you, but can they see you? For the umpteenth time tonight, you decide you really don't give a shit. You've got none left. You and Joel, that's all that matters now. 

His hand drops between your legs, thick fingers swirling tight, slick circles into your clit while he waits for you to confirm what he already knows. You've said it again and again—weeks ago, wrapped up in his arms, and earlier tonight, after the worst argument you've had since the breakup. 

And you’ll tell him again in this alley as you cum blindingly hard around his cock. Third time's the charm.

"Y-yours, Joel. I'm always yours."

His hips completely lose their rhythm, and he barely has time to breathe out his contentment before the violent convulsing of your cunt and contrasting serenity of your words send him hurtling over the edge.

"That's my girl."

He crashes his lips into yours, swallowing every noise you make as the group finally comes into view. Their drunken chattering and roughhousing aren't enough to draw your attention away from each other, but the depraved sounds of Joel continuing to fuck you through your release captures theirs almost immediately.

A few of them stop to squint into the darkness, trying their best to pinpoint what everyone already knows is happening further down the alley. As they inch closer, they can just barely make out two connected figures, and the wind carrying muffled gasps and labored breathing with it into the street all but confirms it.

"Y'all seein' this?" they whisper amongst themselves, but in the inebriated state they're in, they might as well be yelling.

And that's what pulls you and Joel back to reality. Shit. Shit. So, this is it, then. You tense in Joel's arms, waiting to get called out as the slutty girl who seduced her ex away from his date. Hell, they're not even wrong. You can feel his cum dribbling out of you, and can't help but think maybe you'd deserve it.

From where you're standing, you recognize each and every one of their faces under the string lights, and you know damn well that none of them can keep their mouths shut. Except...wait a second. They're still glancing back and forth between you and Joel in the shadows and each other. 

Oh. The fucking shadows. None of them can see shit. They have no clue who the hell they're looking at. Joel must've caught on around the same time you did, because now he's backing up, putting more distance between you and the looming crowd. Before they can get any closer, one of the younger guys cuts in front to block their path.

“C’mon, it's probably a couple’a teenagers. Just let ‘em be," he drawls, glancing back at you. Your eyes lock, and you're suddenly so grateful, you could cry. It's Jesse. He shoots you a wink before turning back to the group, shaking his head in mock admonishment. "Don't act like y'all weren't doin' the same damn thing at their age."

By some miracle, it fucking works. They all laugh in agreement, appeased by Jesse's quick thinking. One by one, they follow each other out of the alley and back onto the road to continue their original path home. Jesse lingers. 

"Glad y'all figured things out," he calls out over his shoulder, giving you privacy to tug your shirt back up. He clears his throat awkwardly before continuing, "Look, I, uh...distracted as many people as I could from comin' over here, but if y'all were gonna be that loud, maybe you should'a figured things out at home."

Jesse shakes his head again, chuckling to himself as he shoves his hands into his pockets.

"Anyway, y'all have a good night, now. Get home safe."

As he jogs away to catch up with the rest of the group, you start to laugh, too. You can’t help it. It feels cathartic, relieving some of the tension of this overly eventful night.

Joel’s body begins to shake behind you, his chest rumbling with what you realize is deep-bellied laughter. It gradually increases in volume as it melds seamlessly with yours; transitory, white clouds of condensation that intertwine, then dissipate.

You feel him slip out as he starts to soften, and then he turns you to face him, carefully crowding you into the wall. He kisses you again, this time slow and deliberate like you asked him to earlier. His tongue meets yours, gasps exchanged and treasured like you have all the time in the world. 

When he parts from you, it feels reluctant, but he stays close, whispering his next words against your lips.

“M’gonna get ya cleaned up, alright?” he mumbles, dropping his arm from around your waist to run his fingers up the cum leaking down your thighs. You shiver as they continue up, slipping his release back inside you. “Don’t…,” he continues, squeezing his eyes shut as his forehead drops to yours, “…just—don’t go anywhere. Please. I’ll be right back.”

Maybe he’s trying to protect himself from the response he anticipates you’ll give him, but that seems silly after everything you’ve been through tonight. You cup his cheek and thumb the coarse, trimmed hairs of his beard, willing him to open his eyes. He does, hesitantly, one then the other, and you offer him a soft smile.

“I’m not going anywhere, Joel.”

An intoxicating breath fans across your face, and the taut muscles in his neck and shoulders loosen. His lips match the soft quirk of your own and, then, brush fleetingly against your cheekbone as he backs away and disappears through a metal side door you didn't notice before. The moment it clicks shut, you slump against the wall. 

Christ. Your mind is simultaneously blank and racing a mile a minute. Taking a deep breath, you let your head thunk into solid, grounding brick while you wait for even a single coherent thought to take root. What now? What happens next? 

There's no coming back from tonight. You both made choices you'll have to answer for, but, for some reason, that doesn't seem so scary anymore. The clock is ticking, but there's time. Plenty of it.

You're still lost in your reverie when Joel gets back with a thick wad of damp paper towels. You snort at the idea of him suddenly appearing in Seth's kitchen and having to explain himself, but maybe the racket you kicked up right outside his door was explanation enough.

"Seth didn't give you any shit for stealing his stuff?" you ask as Joel drops to his knees and coaxes one of your legs over his shoulder.

The cold air has already started to leach the warmth from the paper towels, and they feel cool as he slides them along your soiled skin. He huffs out a laugh.

"Nah, the kitchen was empty. Think they're startin' to close up for the night." 

When he finishes your first thigh, he surprises you by leaning in to press a soft kiss against your freshly cleaned skin. He nips at you teasingly before starting on the next one.

You hum in response, threading your fingers through his hair and watching fondly as he pays careful attention to his task. He continues to wipe away his drying release, trailing his lips down your thigh as he goes, until he finishes at your knee.

He gazes up at you with a charmingly crooked grin, and that’s when it finally slips out. The single coherent thought you’ve been waiting for.

“I love you, Joel,” you murmur, brushing your fingertips across his cheek. 

His smile falters. Then, it drops completely and your heart shatters. You don’t understand. But that—no. No, it doesn’t make any fucking sense. After everything that’s happened, how could you have been wrong again?

Joel sighs, grimacing as he slowly gets back up. He braces himself on one knee, clearly aching more than he's letting on, but when you reach down to offer him a hand, he refuses your help.

“S’fine, I got it. Just…,” he gestures to your jeans, still hanging loosely around your knees. You pull them up, fighting not to feel humiliated as he rises to his full height. 

You search his eyes for…something. Anything. Any indication of what he’s feeling right now, but they’re blank. Cold and distant, just like they were the night he left you. 

No. He doesn’t get to do this to you again. Not after everything you’ve been through. Not without an explanation. Not if he doesn’t want to lose you forever.

“Tell me why you broke up with me."

For a long time, you genuinely believed you could live without knowing the truth, but somewhere along the line, it began to eat away at you. Now, you want the real reason. He owes you that, at the very least.

You wait while he either works himself up to it or tries to figure out what bullshit to tell you this time. Once his hands settle on his hips, you know with absolute certainty it's the latter.

“Darlin’…,” he starts wearily, but you shoot him a look that stops him in his tracks. He doesn't get to call you that right now, and he knows it. Pausing, he nods grimly before beginning again. "We already talked about this. I’m no good for ya. It was only a matter of time before ya woke up one day and realized it for yourself.”

There it is. That same bullshit reason. You scoff bitterly, not surprised in the slightest.

“What the fuck does that even mean, Joel? We were together for years. If that was gonna happen, don’t you think it would’ve already?" you counter angrily. 

You're trying not to get emotional. This can't be a repeat of what happened last time, but it's dragging up too many painful memories. It's always the same fight. You can't do this anymore.

"You know what? Fuck you," you seethe as your self-control slips completely. "Fuck you for making that decision for me. You had no right."

At your words, his face crumples and he has the nerve to look ashamed. Maybe even a little hurt. His pained expression makes your heart ache, yet a nastier part of you believes it's only fair that he feels this way, too. He sighs, his eyes dropping wistfully to his feet.

“I did what I thought was best," he mumbles quietly as if he doesn't want to be heard. It's hard for him to say this out loud, and you realize it's because he's finally telling you the truth. "I just…I thought you’d be happier with someone else, someone who could give ya a family. Kids. I gave you up so you could have the life ya always wanted."

You eye him incredulously. The life you always wanted? Sure, you and Joel had toyed with the idea of having a family once upon a time, but that was never a dealbreaker. He should've known that. He should've brought it up before deciding to destroy your life together over an idealized fantasy.

“Oh, here we go. Joel, the fucking savior. Mr. Fix-It, swooping in to save everyone and solve every problem," you hurl back venomously. But it was a cruel thing to say, and you immediately hate yourself for it.

Rationally, you know his intentions were kind. He probably even thought he was being selfless. But he hurt you, and, through your tunnel vision, that's all you can see. You push yourself off the wall, stalking closer to where he stands, still refusing to look at you.

"So what, you thought you’d dump me and I’d immediately shack up with some other asshole? Is that really what you think of me?”

His eyes shoot up to yours and his fingers begin to tap restlessly at his sides. Now, you've pissed him off. 

“Don't go puttin’ words in my mouth. That ain’t true and you fuckin’ know it," he all but growls, his body shaking with a turbulent combination of frustration and adrenaline.

You're starting to feel it, too. This conversation is overwhelming both of you, but he still hasn't told you everything. There's a piece missing, keeping all of his disjointed reasonings from adding up. He's holding back and it's time for him to stop.

“Then what is, Joel?" you plead with him to give you a definitive answer. One that finally explains why you had to lose everything. Ellie, your home. The love of your life. "What’s the truth?"

Then, everything he's kept bottled up inside and allowed to poison his happiness claws its way out as a single, unwavering statement. 

“I’m too fuckin’ old for you!”

The silence that follows his admission is deafening. You watch in shock as he runs a hand through his hair in frustration. He's never yelled like that before or looked so defeated. By something as innocuous as his age. 

It isn't something you'd ever considered, not before your relationship and never once during. But he did. His bottom lip starts to tremble as he turns and takes a few steps away from you.

“Every day, I’d watch ya…offerin’ to take more shifts, spendin’ time at the school with Ellie and the kids," he says softly, shaking his head as he works through his next words. "And every day, I’d feel it. My body givin’ out on me, more and more. My blood pressure’s up, my goddamn knees are creakin’. Couldn’t even fuckin’ stand up on my own just now." 

When he turns back to you, his eyes are wet with unshed tears. He feels too far, but you know you can't go to him, yet. He's not finished.

"You can do better than that. You deserve better than that," his voice cracks and your whole world blurs into a wash of colors. “You’re gonna outlive me by a mile. I’m an old man, darlin’. It wasn’t fair for me to keep ya.”

For a while, you just watch each other. Tears overflow and continuously spill down his cheeks and yours, but neither of you moves to wipe them away. 

None of this is fair. You're both miserable and heartbroken, perpetually yearning for a love you've told yourselves you can't have. Months ago, Joel made a choice for both of you. You won't make the same mistake he did.

"I didn't want fair, Joel. I wanted you. A life with you...," your face screws up as you fight back a sob, "...the rest of my life with you, however long that is."

Joel takes a tentative step forward, carefully reaching out to touch you, but stops himself before he can get too close. He looks afraid...of you. Scared of the consequences of allowing you back into his heart. 

A sob escapes your chest, then, and you wrap your arms around yourself, suddenly bitterly cold and wanting nothing more than for Joel to hold you. To tell you for the first time since the breakup that he loves you and, regardless of time, won't ever stop.

So, you cross the alleyway and cup his wet cheeks in your hands, wiping away his sadness and, hopefully, his fears. He melts into the poignant familiarity of your touch and it makes you brave. This time, you'll be brave enough for both of you.

"Don't I deserve that?" you whisper, close enough to share his next breath. He watches your lips, hanging onto your every word. "Don't you?" 

His eyes meet yours, and it finally happens. The moment Joel gives in and decides to let himself be happy. He nods slowly in your grasp, reaching up to cradle your hand on his cheek. 

"Dunno what I deserve, darlin'. Not after the things I've done and the hurt I put ya through. But if I'm...if this is really what ya want...," he hesitates, his voice thick with tears and, yet, still that full-bodied, twang that sounds like home. "I'm yours. 'Til my last breath, I'm yours."

He kisses you before either of you can start crying again, and it's all there. The love he kept under lock and key to protect you, released from the prison of his own making.

His kiss feels different again. There's no hunger or rush, and the possessiveness—the need to devour everything you have to give so there's nothing left for anyone else—is gone. He's sure, now, that there's no one else you'd rather give yourself to.

His arms circle your waist and he pulls you closer, crushing you into time-worn chambray and sullied denim as you continue to explore each other like a pair of horny teenagers. Two lovers learning to give and take for the first time. Time passes slowly in this space you've carved out for yourselves, even as the moon continues to rise in the night sky and floods the corridor with light. 

Then, noisily and as if right on cue, the last-call crowd stumbles from the bar and immediately catches what the previous group missed. You and Joel separate, dazed but unhurried, to find that it's them. 

It has to be fucking kismet that, of everyone in Jackson, the first to witness your reconciliation would be the biggest blabbermouths in the entire town. The same women who talked shit about you every day for months and constantly vied for Joel's attention, standing there with wide eyes and slack jaws.

Their varied expressions almost make you want to laugh, and you can't help but snort unattractively into Joel's shoulder. Half of them are glaring at you, and the rest look either devastated or genuinely surprised. Guess you were better at hiding your arrangement than you thought, not that it matters anymore. It's a relationship again, and everyone's about to know all about it. Joel clears his throat, drawing their attention back to him.

"Evenin', ladies. S'there somethin' we can help ya with?" he drawls, breaking out the Southern charm that endeared every single one of them to him in the first place.

They all shake their heads, looking a little too pleased with themselves once the initial shock wears off and they realize you've just given them the gossip of the century. After a few fake, high-pitched pleasantries, they slink away as quickly as they came, already chatting to themselves about some shit you'll definitely hear tomorrow at breakfast. You watch them go, feeling oddly liberated.

"Guess the cat's outta the bag, huh?" You wrap your arms loosely around his neck, still chuckling softly to yourself. Joel huffs out a laugh, too, bending down to kiss the crown of your head before nodding in agreement.

"'Fraid so," he muses, amusement and a hint of something lighter glinting in his eyes. 

You haven't seen him this relaxed in a long time. As he holds you in his arms, he leans a fraction of his weight on you to ease the night's strain on his back and knees, and it makes you feel needed. Relied on. That's new, Joel depending on you like this. Things are going to be different this time around, you can tell. They already are. 

You hum, ruminating on what awaits you after your first night back in your own bed, in your own home. What everyone will think and say—to your face and behind your back—when they find out you're back together. Though, the only opinions you give a shit about are Ellie, Tommy, and Maria's, anyway.

So, yeah, you're a lot of things right now: exhausted, yet relieved and so full of hope. But you're not afraid, the cat and the bag be damned.

"I'm not," you tell him honestly as you pull away. You let your hands trail from his shoulders, down his arms, until his hands are in yours. 

Tugging gently, you walk him backward out of the alley, away from the bar and plummeting winter chill, and any lingering, prying eyes. Even the moon and stars have no stake in what comes next. This moment, right here and now, belongs to you and Joel, alone.

"Take me home, Joel."

The light in his eyes burns brighter, amusement giving way to adoration and contentment. He's been waiting for this, to be given the privilege of keeping you safe and taking care of you the way he needs to—it's how he shows love. 

He slots his fingers between yours and leads you down the empty streets of Jackson. 

"Darlin', nothin' would make me happier."

thanks for reading!

[hgfictionwriter]

Revelations: Part Three

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: If you are going to be with Jessie, then you need to accept that her daughter - and this ex - are now a part of her life. You meet them for the first time and try to determine if this is something you can endure.

Warnings: Angst. Language

A/N: Rest of series is here.

Jessie's phone lit up as a text came in and your eye was immediately drawn to it. While she had kept her phone on her at all times the past few weeks, she now kept it out in the open - perhaps some unspoken gesture to show that she had nothing further to hide.

Still, seeing Sara's name come up on her phone sent a sharp pain through your chest.

Jessie cleared her throat uncomfortably and shot you a fleeting look as she leaned forward on the couch to grab it. She opened the message in such a way that you could easily see it if you so chose to read it.

It was upsetting one way or another for you, so you might as well know exactly what was being discussed. You feigned indifference, pretending to continue watching TV, but you fully read the message.

"Hi. There's a fair this weekend with kids entertainment and stuff. I was thinking of taking Zoie. Do you want to come?"

"And, if you think Y/N is ready or wants to come, you can bring her and she can meet Zoie."

"I know she just found out and you said she's struggling a bit, but I think it's okay for her to meet Zoie at this point. Just let me know and I'll tell Zoie she's going to meet Y/N."

Jessie fidgeted as she read the message and clicked her screen off hurriedly and set the phone back down on the coffee table. You scoffed bitterly.

"Oh good. You've been talking to her about me behind my back. That's amazing, Jess," you said with a false smile and an empty laugh. "And so good to know I have permission to show up."

Jessie took a steadying breath and turned to you with a pleading look.

"I know that looks bad," she said. You sat back and gave her an even stare, inviting her to offer an explanation. She sighed heavily. "I mean, it's a lot for a young kid to suddenly meet this parent she didn't know existed and then to add another person to the mix right away, so..."

Your teeth clenched together. Though the logic stood, what spoke louder to you, whether she was saying it explicitly or not, was her defending this woman over you. It was your worst fears about this whole situation coming true.

She mattered more than you. You were an outsider.

You clicked your tongue as your anger and resentment - things you'd tried to cap since this all came to light - began to froth and boil over.

"Well forgive me for not knowing how to navigate this and knowing what's fair and right. I can't say that I've ever encountered this," you said curtly. "Everything's just so fucking complicated now."

"I know," she agreed with a heavy sigh.

Her reaction did nothing to satiate you. Instead, your frustration with everything - with her; with her choices - continued to amplify. Accusations that had flit about in your mind now bled out onto your tongue.

"Well maybe you shouldn't have been so fucking stupid."

Your words hung in the air.

"I'm sorry," she said tentatively after a beat. "I basically just told her that you knew now and-"

"That's not what I'm talking about!" You exclaimed and she was silenced into submission. "I'm talking about this whole fucking situation!"

She sat meekly, looking at you out of the corner of her eye. Your chest felt tight and tears began to burn behind your eyes. You stared hard at her, silently challenging her to offer a rebuttal, some consolation, anything, but she sat wordlessly and eventually your face screwed up with grief.

"I'm so fucking mad at you," you cried. You wanted to spit the words, show how upset and outraged you were, but instead your voice was shaky and small. You sniffled. "I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I know you don't want to hurt me. But everything's fucking different now. Everything I had planned - we had planned - it might as well not exist anymore.

"I'm so upset, and this all your fault. You didn't even care about this girl! And you got her fucking pregnant? Are you stupid?! What's wrong with you!"

Jessie winced at your reproach. Your shoulders hitched with a suppressed sob while you stared her down. She quietly took your beratement.

"I know you know how to use a fucking condom. You haven't even cummed inside me for God's sake. But you'll risk fucking her? Was her pussy that fucking good?! What the FUCK, Jessie! Now you've ruined both our lives!"

The words were out of your mouth long before your mind could properly process - and vet - them.

She sat up straight, her eyes shimmering with tears now as she looked at you.

"I know I fucked up," she said with a strangled voice. "I know it was stupid. And irresponsible. I had one stupid moment where I wasn't The Responsible One, The Mature One - always worried about the future. I was just having fun. And yes, yes," her voice broke, "now there are consequences. And I'm so sorry they're affecting you. But," she swallowed hard, "they've affected me too, you know. And, yes, it's my fault, but the future - as we both planned it - I've had to grieve it, too. And I feel so fucking horrible for doing this to us, but, if you give it space, there's good here. I've ruined your life? It's different, but it's not ruined."

She gave a laugh that was sad and bewildered all at the same time.

"When I found out, I thought the same. I was beside myself and terrified. I was just praying that this would all go away. So much regret. But once I met Zoie?" Jessie's mannerisms changed, her expression grew lighter and softer. "I didn't feel that way anymore. How could I look at her and feel like my life is ruined? And I'm really hopeful that you'll feel similar when you meet her."

Anger and resentment still swirled inside your chest. Now she was trying to make you feel like a bad person? Probably not her intention, but it felt like a criticism. You blinked through your tears.

"I'm glad you can feel that way," you told Jessie, an edge in your voice. "I don't know how I'll feel. All I know is that right now, it all feels so unfair." Your lip trembled and you hated that you couldn't control it. "And it feels like you've left me behind." More tears fell and you hugged yourself tightly. "It feels like you have a whole new life and you built it entirely without me. I just blinked and you're gone. And now it's on me to try to catch up."

"Baby," Jessie said with a mix of love and regret as she pulled you into a hug. You resisted momentarily before allowing her to embrace you. Your emotional resolved failed as well and you began to sob in her arms. She rubbed your back and held you tightly while she kissed your head. "That's not the case at all. And I'm so, so sorry that I've made you feel that way. I know it's been so much, but you are the most important person to me.-"

Lies. You couldn't be anymore.

"-I want you by my side. There's no one else I want to build a life with. And I'm sorry that I've made it feel otherwise. I love you so much."

Your body shook as she hugged you. There was so much to mourn, but most prominent right now was this realization that this was the first period in your whole relationship where you haven’t felt content in her arms; where she wasn't the solution. Your safety.

You felt conflicted. A large part of you still desperately wanted her. You still loved her to your core. But part of you was desperate to escape.

"I don't need to go this weekend," Jessie said softly as she kissed your head.

Your stomach twisted in knots.

If you wanted a future with Jessie, you needed to get onboard. You couldn't stand on the sidelines. You couldn't hold her back. She was never yours alone, a thing to possess and keep, and this was a good reminder of that.

You had to integrate yourself and be a part of this, as uncomfortable and intimidating as it felt. Maybe things would be easier if you just dove head first.

You relented.

"Let's go."

She pulled back slowly to eye you skeptically. She tucked your hair behind your ear. "We really don't have to," she assured you. "I don't want to rush you. There's plenty of time."

"I want to meet her," you affirmed.

Jessie continued to study you, but her face slowly lit up and she laughed quietly. "Thank you. Honestly. This means so much. I really think you'll fall in love with her. I want us to do this together." She tamped her burgeoning excitement and spoke in earnest. "You sure? Because I also fully understand if you're not at this point yet."

You didn't break your gaze.

"I'm fine, Jess. I'll be okay."

----

"Are you ready?"

You weren't.

"Yeah," you said with as reassuring a smile as you could conjure.

"I love you more than anything. You know that right?" Jessie said as she leaned over the center console in your car and gave you a sweet kiss. You nodded. "Okay," she said softly as she grabbed the keys. "And nudge me and text me if you get overwhelmed and want to leave at any point. Okay?"

"Yes," you breathed as patiently as you could. Her offer was considerate, but it seemed to just emphasize that you were fragile and that - as she'd told her ex - you were struggling. You'd be damned if you gave an admission of weakness today.

You two got out of the car and Jessie held your hand as you made your way to the entrance of the pop-up fair. You looked idly around and tried to take deep, but subtle breaths, as your heart steadily began to pound louder and faster in your chest.

You watched Jessie out of the corner of your eye and saw when a small smile crossed her face. She began to wave.

You followed her gaze to see a woman and a young child standing alongside the path. Your eyes fell to who must've been Sara. She was unfortunately beautiful and it made your insides churn. Between Jessie's good looks and this woman's, no wonder Zoie was so cute.

You hated it. And you hated yourself for even thinking it.

Soon your eyes fell to Zoie. She smiled ear to ear upon seeing Jessie and looked up to Sara for silent permission before running towards Jessie.

You made sure to smile, but beyond that you weren't really aware of what you were doing or how you were acting. You were so transfixed on how Jessie shot you a quick smile and squeezed your hand before releasing you and embracing Zoie, lifting her up with an exaggerated groan and placing her on her hip.

"Oh my gosh, are you taller than last week? You seem it," Jessie joked as she kissed Zoie's cheek, pulling a laugh out of the little girl. "You must've been eating your veggies all week, then."

"Ew," Zoie laughed as she turned back to Sara.

"She hasn't been so bad," Sara said conspiratorially as she approached, pinching Zoie's cheek playfully as she spoke to her daughter. "Hey honey? Not since I told you you need to eat your veggies if you want to be big and strong like mama Jessie."

You almost fucking choked.

'Mama'? 'Mama Jessie'? Jessie had severely neglected to tell you she held such titles already and it made you sick to your stomach.

"Hey, Zo, I have someone that I'm really excited for you to meet," Jessie cut in with a broad smile as she angled her body towards you. "Zoie, this is my fiancée, Y/N."

You tried to rally and refocus. You smiled and gave her a wave.

"Hi Zoie, it's so nice to meet you," you greeted. She tucked her head into Jessie a bit and gave you a shy smile and raised her hand in a small wave. "I really like your shirt," you offered warmly as you pointed to it. She laughed shyly, her cheeks growing pink so much like Jessie's would.

"Oh yeah, cute puppies," Jessie agreed as she gave a gentle poke on the cartoon image on her daughter's shirt.

"Mommy got it for me yesterday because she said we can't have a real puppy," Zoie explained with a bit of a pout.

"Yeah?" Jessie laughed. "Were you asking for one?"

"Our neighbour got a new puppy and I got to play with him. I really want one," she answered.

"Well, listen to your mom for now. A puppy's a lot of responsibility. Maybe someday you can have one," Jessie replied.

'Mom'. When Jessie said that to her kid, it was supposed to be about you. That was supposed to be your kid on her hip that she was looking at so adoringly. But it wasn't.

Your eyes flicked over to Sara who was laughing at the whole exchange and you just felt like your chest was turning inside out. You tried to ignore your pulse pounding in your head.

Zoie still looked disappointed, but less so and eventually hope filled her eyes.

"Can you get one? Then maybe that means I can play with it too," she asked Jessie with a grin. Jessie laughed and looked at you; you immediately caught yourself and slapped a smile on your face.

"I'm afraid not," she replied, amused. "A puppy's too much responsibility even for us."

Zoie was watching you curiously now.

"I like your hair," she said quietly.

"Oh," you said in surprise, your hand coming up and tucking it behind your ear self-consciously. "Thank you. That's very kind of you. I bet you get compliments on your hair all the time. It's very nice." You steeled yourself. "Just like your mama's."

She giggled, burying herself further into Jessie's arms.

"She's been so excited to meet you," Sara said as she walked around and held out her hand with a smile. "I'm Sara. It's really nice to meet you."

You smiled at the woman who was stealing your future wife away from you. Someone who Jessie chose to fuck freely - recklessly, irresponsibly - and knocked up, forever skewing your paths forward.

You shook her hand.

"Hi. I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you, too."

"So. Want to head in?" Jessie asked as she set Zoie down. The girl nodded enthusiastically. Jessie gave an exaggerated gesture of her head towards the gates. "Let's get going then."

Jessie looked at you, smiling affectionately as she took your hand. Still, you could see the way she keenly gauged you despite her easy going air. She was nervous about you. What you were thinking, what you were feeling.

Rightfully so. Because right now you just wanted to grab the keys out of her pocket and drive as far away from here as you could.

Instead, you held her hand and walked alongside her.

As the four of you explored the grounds and activities, it became obvious to you how comfortable the three of them were together. Sure, Sara and Jessie were a bit awkward, but much more comfortable than you'd expected. It had only been a couple of months, but the three of them - in your opinion - looked like an honest to God family.

And it fucking hurt.

You tried to stay engaged and to be open and positive, but you couldn't help but feel so...other. Like a spare. You felt out of place. Like you were intruding. It's like you were suddenly transplanted into another life or reality. This couldn't possibly be your life.

You could see how Jessie tried to involve you. You'd wondered if she'd behave differently with Sara there, but she didn't. She was affectionate and sweet and it was one small reprieve in this sea of hurt and uncertainty.

Hell, as much as you wanted to despise Sara, you couldn't deny she was open and inviting towards you.

Although, you guess you'd be feeling pretty confident too if you swooped in and usurped a five-year relationship.

Despite your efforts, a cloud of realization fell further and further over you that this was some kind of newly restored natural order. If Sara had realized sooner that she was pregnant, maybe Jessie wouldn't have gone to London. Or even if she went, maybe Sara would've gone with her and, maybe, in time, they would've fallen in love.

Regardless, this - two parents enjoying a local fair with their kid - is exactly what their life would've been. You, on the other hand, wouldn't be here.

The only reason you were in Portland was because of Jessie. Because she came to London you met and fell in love. The way your love had grown and how your relationship has deepened, it felt too good to be true.

Well. Maybe it was. Maybe it was never truly meant to be.

At some point, Sara was in the washroom and Jessie was retrieving an order of food from a kiosk, leaving you and Zoie sitting together, holding the table.

"Do you have kids?" Zoie asked as she swung her legs back and forth on the bench seat. You blinked momentarily in confusion, but smiled out of habit.

"Me? No," you said, hating how your tone dipped in disappointment. You cleared your throat. "No kids." Zoie seemed to contemplate this.

"Okay. Mommy said you didn't. So, I guess I don't have any siblings. But I didn't think I had a mama and now I do. But if you and mama have a kid then I'll have a sister or brother, right?" She asked, looking up at you with her big, dark eyes. You forced yourself to maintain your smile and banish any waves of sadness that threatened you.

"That's right, sweetie," you said softly. She smiled quietly.

"I think I'd really like to have a little brother or sister someday."

Your smile cracked momentarily and you found yourself looking over your shoulder to seek out Jessie. You found her easily; you always did. But when you'd normally smile subconsciously just at the mere sighting of her, now your stomach felt heavy with uncertainty.

You smiled at Zoie again.

"We'll see, I guess."

It felt like a lie. Jessie and you had always agreed that you'd have kids together someday, but it felt like that had been ripped out from beneath your feet. It was like she'd jumped ahead, leagues ahead of you and you were now all alone with this empty dream.

In time, you and Jessie bid Sara and Zoie goodbye, the little girl even giving you a quick hug around your legs before returning to her mother's side.

Jessie tried valiantly to not push too much on the drive home, but she couldn't hide her keen interest in deciphering your takeaways and feelings. She was so hopeful and earnest and, well, you felt ashamed for being anything less than happy.

Zoie was legitimately sweet and so cute. She was lovely. And above all, was clearly thrilled to have a new parent in her life. Who wouldn't be thrilled to have Jessie in their life?

And try as you might to detest Sara, there was nothing outwardly horrible about her. You know, other than she held the space and role in Jessie's life that should've been yours. You had to fend off a pang of jealousy any time she smiled and laughed with Jessie over Zoie.

Truth was, you felt conflicted. Out of sorts. It wasn't that you didn't like Zoie. You did. It was just...everything. And at some point, Jessie's eagerness felt oppressive and smothering. Like today was supposed to be some magical moment that would resolve and rectify everything. It felt like you weren't allowed to still feel upset.

Eventually, your lack of enthusiastic validation got to her and soon you were on the couch with a show on, but with neither of you paying attention. Now you were both sullen and withdrawn.

Jessie fidgeted on the couch and was texting rapidly back and forth with someone. You could see out of the corner of your eye it was Janine. You couldn't help yourself.

"Talking about me?" You challenged.

Jessie took a calming breath and gave you a slow stare.

"Go on. Tell me what you're saying to her about me," you pushed, voice prim and hoity.

She exhaled. "I'm just telling her how the day went."

You chuckled dryly. "I bet your recollection to her is different than what you told me," you said with a grin that didn't reach your eyes.

"Why are you being like this?" Jessie asked, frustration creeping into her voice.

"I just want to know what you really thought," you carried on undeterred. You held out your hand for her phone. "Let's see."

You never demanded things like this before. You didn't used to be distrustful or hostile either. But, everything was different now.

"Oh my God," she muttered irritably under her breath as she discretely rolled her eyes and pushed her phone into your hand rather firmly. She sank deeper into the couch and crossed her arms. "Go ahead," she said in a flat tone.

You smirked smugly, though you felt unhappy. You scrolled up to the start of their conversation and took a deep breath as you started to read.

While you felt self-righteous moments before, as you read through their conversation, that too-familiar pit in your stomach grew heavier.

You weren't sure why you were expecting to see negative messages from Jessie about you - she'd never said bad things about you before. And sure enough, she placed no blame on you. Instead, you saw her talk about how great you were today. How sweet you were to Zoie. That Zoie was shy at first, but took a liking to you and even asked her when she could come visit you two at the apartment.

Instead, you saw her express disappointment in herself because despite all of that, you were hurting. She just couldn't seem to manage to do anything other than hurt you lately. Her disappointment in how she failed to navigate this better. To make it easier for you.

Then, worse, her own upset. That she felt helpless in a way. She told Janine how you said she ruined your life, and when she sees you hurting she can't help but wonder if maybe she did. It's difficult and confusing hating herself for that, but at the same time loving Zoie and hating feeling like she needs to apologize for having her. She didn't want to feel guilty or ashamed of having her. It felt like she needed to apologize for Zoie's existence, but she doesn't want to do that. And she can't tell you any of this because you've already supported her so much and made so many concessions for her. You had enough to worry about and to manage. You didn't need to worry about her too.

You looked over at her with misty eyes.

"You didn't ruin my life, Jess," you said quietly.

She looked at you, but didn't respond. You carried on.

"And you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of Zoie. She doesn't deserve that at all," you added. Jessie simply gave a nod of acceptance.

"I'm angry about things and I'm hurt, but, none of this is directed at her. Please. It's just been...a lot for me to adjust to."

"I know, baby," Jessie said as she took your hand and kissed the back of it. "I appreciate everything you're doing more than you'll ever know."

A heavy silence fell over you two. Jessie's head was down and she stroked the back of your hand as she held it in both of hers. When she spoke, her voice was small and she was too afraid to meet your gaze.

"Do you still love me?"

Love wasn't the question. Love wasn't the issue. The question was, is love enough? And to that, you didn't know the answer.

Still. You squeezed her hand.

"Of course."

A/N: Tag request - @valuyhh

[cheyisagirlkisser]

Ellie Williams HCS💫

Wholesome/Fluffy Ellie x Fem! reader headcannons bc I’m burnt out on writing smut

Gorgeous pics taken by ellsgirll on pinterest click here to see more!

•Ellie loves to write about you in her journal. She’ll pretend to be all “whatever” irl but if you saw her in that garage, laying on her tummy kicking her feet, her pen effortlessly writing your name over and over again..

•Ellie doesn’t talk about you to Joel, and if he asks about her crush on you she will grumble and look all embarrassed, but she does mention you a ton to Jesse. Jesse may give her a hard time but he thinks you would be the perfect girlfriend for her. She needed someone to listen to her stupid space rants, afterall.

•When you first found out Ellie plays guitar, you BEGGED her to play a song for you. She laughed it off as if it weren’t a big deal but was secretly excited she found a chance to impress you. She’d play an old song Joel taught her and it was the sweetest thing. If Ellie weren’t so oblivious, she’d realize that you melted like a puddle right there.

•Ellie was nervous about inviting you to go with her to the winter dance. Jackson’s versions of events were actually pretty fun. People made the best of what they had, and she always looked forward to going and sometimes having a beer or two. However, she was only anxious about it all this time around. When she finally built up the courage to ask you to go with her, you looked genuinely excited. It made her heart flutter and her palms sweaty.

•That dance was a bit awkward but probably the best night of her life. You actually danced with her and she loved the feeling of being close to you, of almost holding you how she wanted to for months now. And the next morning, she’d be ranting to Jesse about how you gave her a kiss on the cheek after she walked you home.

•Ellie would find ways to become paired up with you for patrols or lookouts.

“Hey, Maria. Jesse and Dina want to take the creek trails together. I guess I’ll take Jesse’s place or whatever..”

•Patrols with Ellie were always fun. You’d goof off while she made fun of you. Things felt so right with you, and sometimes when it was summer and the two of you were on foot, you’d hold her hand. You didn’t even mind that it was sweaty.

•Ellie who FINALLY asked you to be her girlfriend when she realized how badly she wanted to kiss you and be yours. When you immediately said yes and planted another kiss on her cheek, she laughed but pulled you in for a real kiss. A real kiss with her soft lips, a grasp onto your waist, and the brush of your noses.

•Things were easy with Ellie, love was easy. She was a little shy, but you were patient with her. She fell in love with you like it was drinking water, always in need of you but feeling like you were the healthiest thing to depend on. She’d call you petnames like “Babe” and always opened her door to you when you missed her. Her bed was cozy, and she was a safety that was so easily there. If only time could freeze her there in Jackson.

Seattle HCS with angst next if this doesn’t flop🙏

[vampire-cupid]

Josh finding out you’re not wearing any panties? (Ignore if boring lol I’m not creative)

Oh I love this! I might have rushed it a bit because I have to leave for work in a bit but I hope you still like it ^^

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

Curses left your lips as you looked through your bag.

How is it possible that all your panties were gone?

You are very much aware that your boyfriend has a habit of stealing them, which is why you normally pack extra.

But now you found yourself in this situation.

No panties and thanks to Jess accidentally spilling beer over your jeans the day before.

Looking down at yourself, you were glad that Josh’s shirt was long enough to cover you. You just had to wait until the laundry was dry, that’s it.

Once again making sure that you really wouldn’t just flash everyone, you left the room and walked over to the kitchen. Chris and Ashley were already awake, sitting on the couch and giving you a “good morning” as you walked past them.

In the kitchen you found the pantie thief, innocently making a coffee.

Walking over to him, you give him a hug, wishing him a good morning with a kiss on the cheek.

Getting a kiss in return, you grab a mug for your coffee as well, not realizing that you just flashed your ass to Josh as you stretched up.

With your coffee in hand you turn back to your boyfriend, not realizing the dangerous glint in his eyes.

Before he could do something, Sam who just woke up, moved to the kitchen.

Like a zombie, she filled her cup with coffee and sugar before joining Chris and Ashley in the living room.

With a giggle you lean over the bar, laughing after Sam “A good morning to you too.”

The only respond you got was a muffled groan.

Before you could lean back, you felt someones hands under your shirt, fingers circling your pussy.

Feeling Josh press his back against yours, he whispers in your ear “I didn’t realize you were into this.” His husky voice making you shiver.

The chance to defend yourself was gone as you heard footsteps approaching, the weight from your back leaving, meaning that Josh stepped away.

With a sigh, you just focused on Chris who looked around.

“Have you seen Josh somewhere?”

‘Josh?’ You thought, ‘Wasn’t he right behind you?’

But a sudden lick against your core told you otherwise.

Jumping at the feeling you apparently startled Chris who’s focus was now on you.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes-yes. Just a bit jumpy this morning.” You tried to laugh it off.

Josh meanwhile was having the time of his life, his hands keeping your legs spread enough to reach your heat with his face, licking and sucking against your clit until you were dripping down on him.

“So, do you have any idea where Josh is?” Chris asked again.

“I think he just carried out the garbage, he should be back soon.”

During your talk with his best friend, Josh turned around, now his tongue could reach your entrance while his nose came in contact against your clit. He knew how you loved the feeling.

Holding your upper thighs, he pulled you down on his face.

It didn’t take long for his face to get coated in your juices.

You still tried to somehow shoo Chris away, hinting that he should rather wait with Ashley.

But he wouldn’t listen, instead sitting down opposite of you and rambling on about how he doesn’t have any chances with her.

Normally you would listen to his rant but right now your only focus was on trying to not make a sound.

But you couldn’t hold back a squeak as Josh pushed two of his fingers inside you.

Pretending to cough, you moved your hand down to Josh, hopefully pushing his head away.

But Josh just moved his fingers faster inside you, sucking harshly on your clit and you felt your orgasm approach quickly.

This time you couldn’t help the quiet whimpers that forced themselves out of your mouth.

“Are you sure you are ok? You look a bit flushed.” Chris asked, moving his hand to your face to feel your heated cheeks.

“I think I’m getting a cold, could you maybe grab me some medicine from the bathroom?”

Finally Chris moved.

As soon as he left the kitchen, you let yourself drop on the bar, not able to hold back any longer as you whimpered in your hand finally reaching your peak.

Josh dutifully licked up every drop you would give him, kissing for pussy for a job well done before finally getting up and hugging you from behind.

“You should go commando more often.” He chuckles, kissing your cheek before hastily grabbing a towel as Chris came back.

[sarcasticallyinclined]

i have less than 2 weeks to figure out if i wanna do anything for my birthday :/

[ghostofskywalker]

i did a clone fic rec list a while ago, but i thought that a second edition to that would be a nice thing to add to my clone-uary event. i still have some requests that i'm working through from it, but it was great to go back through my old reblogged recs and work through some of the stuff that's been sitting in my "marked for later" for an embarrassingly long time 😂

the link to the fic itself is from whatever platform i read the work on! clone names and fic names are in alphabetical order, and if an ao3 author did not mention a tumblr username on their profile or in the notes of their fic i didn't tag anyone.

key:

a ☀️ means the link is for tumblr

a 🌙 means the link is for ao3

a 💫 means the fic was a gift for me in a @cloneficgiftexchange event (as my previous rec list pre-dates the first exchange!)

Cody:

Roses Are Red and Violets Are... Orange? by Emerald_Hills 🌙

Somewhere to Start by @cioneo ☀️

The Way You Look Tonight by @miseries-mistress ☀️

Crosshair:

Hangin' on the Telephone by TeaTime4BeeTime 🌙

Shy General by @stellarbit 🌙

Snowfall by @happy-beeeps ☀️

Take Me Out by @masterjedilenawrites ☀️💫

Unspoken Confessions by @crosshairlovebot ☀️

Echo:

A Wonderful Life Day by @apocalyp-tech-a 🌙

My Heart is Yours, and so are my Brother's by @ireadwithmyears 🌙

Not Alone by @mylifeisactuallyamess ☀️

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice by @melliejellybellybean ☀️💫

Fives:

Attempt Seventeen by @kyzyner 🌙

"Have we met?" by @goosewriting 🌙

Lucky Number Five by @isaidonyourknees 🌙

Fox:

Best Place to Sleep by @clone-anon 🌙

Let The Sun In by @exxasperatedauthor ☀️💫

Howzer:

The Heart of a Senator by @eclec-tech 🌙

Hunter:

Crash Landing by sparkofsaryndipity 🌙

don't go by @221bshrlocked 🌙

Something Borrowed, Something Blue by @dreamie411 🌙

Jesse:

A Night to Remember by @toomanybandstocare ☀️

Mischief & Mistletoe by @jetii ☀️💫

The Hand You're Dealt by AyicanPrincess 🌙

Kix:

Kickstart my Heart by @happy-beeeps ☀️

Lieutenant Levendy and the Case of the Haunted Supply Room by @orbitalmirror 🌙

Stay For A While by ImogenInSpringtime 🌙

Rex:

Confessions by @corrieguards ☀️

Kiss it Better by @honeydjarin 🌙

playing pretend by @captn-trex ☀️

Snowed In by @captainsophiestark ☀️

Tech:

Analytical Artistry by BlackLothWolf 🌙

Circumstance by @captainpains ☀️

half a heart (without you) by @starboytech ☀️

Wolffe:

Handcuffed by @masterjedilenawrites ☀️💫

talkative by @sinfulsalutations 🌙

Unexpected Confession by @ladysongmaster 🌙

[nuetralizedevangelist]

❝sleeping alone ❞ || william h. bonney x f!reader

| A/N- was listening to flatland cavalry and i couldn’t resist a short n sad fic abt billy bc i’m evil

| WARNINGS- a sad man who misses his girlfriend a verrrryyy small mention of death and war.

william h. bonney x reader angst? fluff?

as billy lays alone in the hostel bed he quickly begins to regret agreeing to jesse’s proposal of this job in lincoln county. he’s almost a days ride away from you and he has no idea if you’re okay. he can’t believe he used to sleep like this every night, no one to hold.

his mind wanders to the prayers his mother used to lay over him and joe, before everything turned sour in his life. he can’t remember the last time he prayed, feeling like no one’s listening. he doesn’t need a god when he has you, but he doesn’t have you right now.

he clasps his hands together just like he did all those years ago. “i haven’t done in this in quite some time, sorry if it’s not uniform prayer. i just want my girl to be okay without me, and for her to healthy and safe. oh! and for me not to get shot. amen.” he suddenly feels very stupid and confused as to why he thought his words into the empty air would assist him at all, but anything’s worth a shot. especially when it comes to his girl.

he rolls onto his side, just like he does every night with you. he holds a pillow to front pretending it was you instead a bag of feathers. he never realized how warm you were until he couldn’t feel your warmth at all. his eyes drift close and he falls asleep to memories of you.

eight hours away by horse, you lay alone in your shared bed with billy. only it’s not shared for a while, it’s just your bed. he’s working, he loves working! you thought trying to make yourself feel better about being by your lonesome. the bed feels like it’s miles long with just your body inhabiting it. you stare at the stationary sitting on your desk, illuminated poorly with one candle.

you write slowly and methodically to billy. he won’t be home for months so you figured you’d might as well start the letters. you write paragraphs upon paragraphs of how much you miss him, how much you love him, and how quiet the night is without his laughs filling the air. you trail off and start telling him about the town gossip you’ve heard but eventually get back on track. spraying your perfume over the pages and an invisible kiss by your signature, you fold it up and press the wax to seal it.

billy and jesse walk back in the saloon below the hostel’s doors. “oh! mr. billy you’ve got a letter! from a lady” the young boy wiggles his eyebrows and hands the letter to billy. he tries to fight the smile but jesse pats his back, rather hard but a kind gesture nonetheless. “the girl of yours is already sending letters after a day? you’ve got her wrapped around her finger.” billy shakes his head laughing. “that’s where you’re wrong, it’s the complete opposite.” he confesses and walks up the stairs to read your letter in private.

he instantly notices the scent of your perfume and all of the tension in his body melts away. he’s smiling like an idiot the entire time he’s reading but holds your letter to his chest after. he walks over to his own desk and begins his own letter to you, he might not see you for months but he’ll be damned if he can’t talk to his girl.

he consistently writes to you and letting you know what’s going on and how stressful things have gotten. you’re proud of him for switching to tunstall’s side because it was the right thing to do, you’ll always admire that about him. the worry for his well-being overtakes the admiration as you quickly gather your necessities and get dressed. you’re out the door and mounting your horse within the hour, riding to lincoln. you’d rather walk to hell and back than not see billy before he gets hurt.

you reach lincoln county much faster than you expected, maybe your horse sensed the desperation leaking from your pores. you ask a kind-eyed woman about tunstall and she directs you a few minutes north. you thank her make your way slowly to your destination. as your eyes focus on the beautiful country home in the dark, your heart flutters. you almost feel sick with how anxious you are, your eyes haven’t laid on billy in three months.

you quickly tie your horse to a fence post and rush towards the door, knocking rapidly. an unfamiliar man opens the door and smiles at you. “how can i help you, madam?” he speaks confidently with a british accent, this must be tunstall. “oh well, um, i was just wondering if billy was here?” he snaps his fingers and turns his head to yell for billy.

billy’s stomach dropped upon hearing his name being called, he’s thinking it might be jesse trying to pick a fight but when his eyes settle upon you his world stops. everything slows down but his heart speeds up to impossible levels. he smiles wide and laughs while running to you. his arms envelope you and you’re drowning in his scent, squeezing so hard he thought you might’ve bruised a rib. “what’re you doin’ here, doll? did you ride here alone? do you know how dangerous that is? have you ate? are you okay?” you giggle at his ambush of worried questions and put your hand over his mouth. tunstall walks away with a grin, never seeing billy so happy.

“yes i rode alone, yes i know the dangers, no i haven’t ate yet, and yes i am okay. i just couldn’t take the thought of you being so stressed with the possibility of getting hurt without me here. i also figured it was due time for a visit.” you mutter softly, never taking your eyes off him. drinking in the sights of the man you love with every fiber of your being.

he quickly ushers you inside and guides you to a main room. “gentleman, this is my girl.” he introduces you and you smile and manage a slight wave. “this the girl you’re always talking about and never shutting up about how pretty she is?” billy goes slightly red and opens his mouth up to talk before closing it. just nodding at the embarrassment. you smile up at him “you tell people how pretty you think i am? you’re so sweet! that’s adorable.” billy sighs and leads you to a seat at the table and fixing you a plate for dinner.

as you both lay together that night in the same bed, everything makes sense in the world. you understand war, they just want this feeling to be safe. your eyes begin to fill with tears as you’re just so relieved and happy to be with your love again.

“i was gettin’ real tired of sleeping alone. considered climbing into bed with charlie but i don’t think he’s as warm as you.” you laugh and gently slap his chest.

all is right in the world, because your world is filled with love.

[halucynator]

False Fronts

part 1 of 4

Pairing: Theodore Nott x fem!reader

Warnings: fake dating, arguing, not proof read and my writing 😔

Summary: Being asked to fake date someone to get a petty ex off their back is the worst possible way of being friend-zoned. You, however, were willing to take any chances to get as close as you could to Theodore Nott.

there will most definitely be a part 2

i will absolutely credit @berryzxx for helping me and giving me ideas for this haha

sorry if anyone's name is Jess ily i swear mwah <;33

he's such a cutie tehe

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4: fluff angst

You were going about your usual business, wandering the empty corridors of Hogwarts. The prospect of Defense Against the Dark Arts class, particularly with Umbridge as the professor, filled you with dread. Determined to delay your arrival as much as possible, you lingered, reluctant to head to your lesson.

As you strolled through the corridors, distant murmurs reached your ears. Tracing their origin, the faint echoes evolved into a heated dispute—a boy and a girl embroiled in a passionate disagreement. Step by step, you closed the distance until their fervent voices became distinct and clear.

"Look, Jess, it's over. O-V-E-R." You could hear the boy say to someone who you could only assume was called Jess.

"But I don't want it to be over! I still love you! Please, I'm sorry!" The girl, presumably Jess, begged.

"Well, you should've thought of that before you went and cheated on me." His response cut through the air, chilling in its icy tone, sending unwelcome shivers down your spine. Whoever he was, his disdain for Jess was palpable. His voice was unmistakable, you having heard it all your life. You knew who it was.

He sauntered off, leaving both Jess and you dumbfounded. Peeking around the corner to catch a glimpse of the boy, you inadvertently crashed into the very person—Theodore Nott—you were trying to observe.

As you collided with Theodore Nott, his demeanor shifted from the tense confrontation to one of mild surprise, his dark eyes locking with yours in an unexpected encounter. You stumbled back a step, catching your breath as you met his gaze, both of you momentarily stunned by the abrupt intersection.

"Y/N," Theodore uttered your name, a flicker of recognition dancing across his features before settling into a composed mask. "Sorry about that. Didn't see you there."

Your mind raced, trying to process the scene you'd just witnessed. His confrontation with Jess seemed far more serious than a typical teenage quarrel. Sensing your curiosity, Theodore's expression shifted a glint of something unreadable in his eyes.

"Listen," he started, his voice lowering to a hushed tone as if sharing a secret. "I need a favor, and I think you might be the perfect solution."

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, unsure where this conversation was heading. Theodore hesitated for a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing.

"Jess won't leave me alone. She's been causing a scene ever since things ended between us. I need... I need someone to help me out, to pretend to be with me, just to get her off my back. It's purely for appearances, nothing more."

His request hung in the air, unexpected and oddly intriguing. Theodore Nott, asking for your assistance in a situation as serious as this. You weighed his words, contemplating the implications of what he proposed, your mind swirling with questions about why he'd chosen you for such a peculiar task.

"Please. I'll ask nothing more of you. Just some PDA. Slight touches, whatever you're comfortable with."

The allure of being close to him warred with the fear of playing a role in a situation that could easily spin out of control. Yet, despite the inner turmoil, a glimmer of hope danced in your chest—an opportunity to be near Theodore, even if it was only as part of a facade.

You'd been friends with Theo for what felt like forever. He trusted you, and that meant a lot. Sure, there was that fear of being stuck in the friend zone, but when you thought about it, the chance to help him seemed more important. He wanted this, and he was your friend. So, yeah, you wanted to be there for him.

After a moment's hesitation, you gathered your resolve and nodded in agreement, your voice surprisingly steady despite the fury of emotions raging within you. "Alright, Theodore. I'll help you out."

A flicker of relief crossed Theodore's face, a barely perceptible shift in his expression that hinted at gratitude. "Thank you, Y/N. I owe you one."

As the weight of your decision settled in, you couldn't help but wonder about the implications of what you'd just agreed to. Theodore's proposal was both thrilling and nerve-wracking, and the realization that you were about to embark on a fake relationship with someone you genuinely cared for made your heart race with both anticipation and anxiety.

Theodore glanced around, as if to ensure no one else was nearby, before leaning in closer. "Let's meet later today and discuss how we're going to pull this off, alright? Preferably somewhere private."

Nodding in agreement, your mind raced with a million questions, but you managed to offer a reassuring smile. "Sure, Theodore. I'll be there."

As he walked away, you were left standing there, your mind spinning. The whole idea was thrilling, but it also felt like stepping onto a rollercoaster without knowing the twists and turns ahead. For now, all you could do was wait and meet up with Theodore and realise the depths of the situation you just put yourself into.

Either way, this fake dating thing just became your reality, and you had no clue where it would lead.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡*:☆

hello, hi! read part 2 here :))

[screamforyani]

cariño

warnings ↠ dubcon-ish?, enemies with benefits, handjob, edging, implied intercouse towards the end

a/n ↠ i know this is very out of the blue but i watched atsv and i cant get miguel out of my head

wc. 1.1k

“untie me,” hissed miguel, fangs jutting as his blood-thirsty eyes followed you. 

you let out a hollow laugh the second those words escaped his mouth and met his penetrating stare. to say you and and miguel were enemies would be an understatement. there was something about this guy that irked you in the worst way, but could also turn you on like no other.

the feeling was mutual. you’d never admit a word of this if it wasn’t - not even to yourself. you and miguel had a weird thing going on, the sort of thing where the line between hate and lust grew thinner with each dark, loathing stare he shot you. 

maybe you’d had his cock in you a couple of times. twelve, to be exact, though not that you were counting (because you totally weren’t). not your proudest moments, but the sight of him on his knees, tangled in a weaving of webs made you forget it. his muscles bulged with every endeavor to free himself from your little trick. which was hilarious, because if they were any tighter, they’d burst right through his spandex. 

not that you were complaining. 

“hm, let me think about it,” you hummed, pretending to be deep in thought. “no.”

“i said - untie me. now,” miguel roared, as if it would make any difference. 

you crouched before him, pouting. “what’s the matter, spider-man? can’t handle other people telling you no? you don’t get to be the boss of everyone, cariño.”

you waved your finger in his face, to which miguel responded to with a lean forward as if he were going to bite your wrist off, but you were too quick. 

“woah there, bitey,” you taunted. “get it? that rhymes with spidey. hilarious, don’t you think?”

miguel spat, “you annoy me.”

“it’s a pleasure,” you said, merely grinning. then, you pointed to the extended talon behind his back where his hands were tied, asking, “can i borrow that? thanks.”

you used his talons to poke a hole in the lower half of his suit, promptly tearing at the spandex until the hole expanded. miguel wasn’t exactly pleased, not yet anyways, barking, “what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“more than you deserve,” you whispered, widening the gap until his half-hard cock was freed. that you inevitably already saw. for obvious reasons, it was difficult for spider-men to conceal their hard-ons. “you guys freeball under these suits? that’s crazy. i mean, not that you’re gonna catch a hard-on fighting the spot, but you never know. i mean, what if some really sexy villain just hits… the spot. get it? the-”

“the spot. yes, i get the joke. shut the hell up,” miguel grumbled, irritated.

you giggled. his annoyed face was too hot. of course, you were riling him up on purpose.

licking a line down your palm, you gently grabbed his cock, stroking him in your hands while looking him in his angry eyes. you saw his features tense, the part that didn’t want to be angry surfacing. the part that wanted to be relieved.

that was all that was wrong with this cranky guy. he just needed some relief in his life, and who better to provide it to him than you, the spider-person he never wanted on this team in the first place but took in because jess had insisted you could be useful. and you were, in more ways than one. not that miguel would ever admit that, though.

“fuck,” miguel grunted, writhing again, though not in an attempt to escape. you knew how to pleasure him and that was your saving grace, but you also knew how to tease. “could you be any slower with that?”

“i could, actually. watch this,” you retorted, now pumping him in no particular hurry. you had time to waste.

your leisure movements were killing miguel slowly. literally. he groaned, “well, could you go any faster?”

“i could,” you repeated with a lilt. “but you’d have to say the magic word.”

“go faster!”

you gave him a mocking frown. “i don’t think that’s it, o’hara.”

“do i have to?”

“do you want to cum?”

miguel winced his eyes closed, heaved a huge sigh, and huffed, “please, go faster.”

“wow, you hit the lottery,” you said, quickening your pace. you loved watching his brows furrow with pleasure, sweat beading at his face.

miguel bit his lip, wanting to be mad at how you satisfied him. it reminded you of when he was buried balls deep inside of you, his weight resting on top of your chest while his teeth clamped into your shoulder, not for the purpose of extracting blood but to smother the sounds of pleasure that escaped him when your cunt was squeezing his dick. almost like he would rather die than let you know you were good for something.

it didn’t matter, though. the telltale signs of arousal manifested themselves in plentiful ways from his body, like the taut ache in his pants when you turned him on a little too much. he got so hard for you, it was ridiculous.

and you were having a ball (you were tempted to make a joke, but resisted for his mental sake). there was something about having an insanely large, strong man who could potentially crush you to smithereens squirming at your mercy. it made warmth spread through your chest and the slyest grin curl onto your lips.

miguel’s hips were thrusting into your palm, an obvious sign that he was on the brink of climax. you’d come to know it by now - he started to lost control, the reins slipping out his hands. and you loved it. you loved how he was a slave to his urges and not the other way around.

“you almost there?” you asked, in spite of being fully aware. 

miguel offered you no words, but the look on his face and his unstill, restless body said enough.

that was when you got the bold idea to withdraw your hand at the very last second, depriving him of what could have been. his wrath was instant. you saw his hips flail in a desperation you’d never seen of him before, his fluttering eyes snapping open to cut at you.

“oopsies,” you sang, smiling innocently.

that was the very last straw for miguel and he broke out of your restraints, having enough of playing weak. you gasped, caught off-guard when he switched on a dime, throwing you against the ground and hovering over you. you parted your lips to speak, but he was quick to shoot a web over your mouth. 

“you talk too much,” miguel growled, cutting your own spandex with his talons, and was pleased to find you were very wet. he fixed himself between your thighs, leaning into your ear to whisper, “and for the record, nobody decides if i cum, cariño.”

[freesia-writes]

I don't have it in me to write full scenes, so here are some fun little drabbles of what it might be like to party with some of the boys on New Year's Eve! PLEASE feel free to add your own and use the tag #2024cloneNYE

Shoutout to @lornaka for the sweet helmet art. Find other dividers like these here.

Tup - Tries to take you somewhere neat to see fireworks, holding your hand and glancing at you sheepishly every now and then, but gets lost along the way. Is simultaneously frustrated at himself and nervous at what you’ll think of him until you pull him into a side alleyway to show him some fireworks of your own. 😎

Jesse - Is so delighted to be spending the evening with you that he nearly gets into three different fights with troopers at the bar because he's just so dang excited. Dances your ass off then takes you out for street food, where he does get in a fight with a handsy vendor. Gives you the best kiss of your life at midnight. 🥴

Fives - Tells you to wear a disguise. Dies laughing when you show up and he is wearing a simple poncho while you have donned a huge fake mustache. Sneaks you both onto a large cargo freighter that is scheduled to depart from Coruscant a bit before 00:00, so that as it’s slowly lifting into the sky, you get a bird’s eye view of the fireworks all around you. Of course, he now needs to figure out how to get you both off the ship without being caught. 🥸

-=-=-=-=-=[SORRY BABES, no Corrie dividers!!]=-=-=-=-=-

Fox - Shows up at your apartment in sweatpants and cracks up at the side of you as you open the door, as you are in sweatpants as well, even though you both had said you were going to “go celebrate” together. But you both knew exactly what you meant by “celebrate”, and you watch crappy holofilms while snuggling on the couch, dozing off until the sound of fireworks rouses you. You gaze blearily out the window, watching the flashing colors as you’re nestled into his arms, then you both drift back to sleep after a feeble “whoo!” 😴

Howzer - Dresses to the nines to take you out to dinner but feels awkwardly self-conscious about it until you distract him by coaxing him into sharing stories about his squad, which light him up immediately. Then he’s got nothing but soft admiration for you, insists on two desserts, and walks you to your front door to finish the evening with a tender kiss. Comes running back to knock on your door about 10 minutes later when he realizes it’s just now midnight and “he kissed you too soon.” The oversight is quickly remedied. 🤭

Hardcase - Finds out where they're setting the fireworks off from and sneaks you in. You both tuck in a tiny little corner between a huge metal structure that holds the firework launchers, and when they start going off, it's so loud that you can't help but squeal. Hardcase also yells in delight, catching the attention of nearby employees, and suddenly pretends he's escorting you off the premises after you'd been discovered sneaking into the area. 😂

Gregor - Grabs some wraps at a food truck and takes you to some random little park where a galactic Mariachi band (they exist, ok?) is playing sweet beats. Dances with zero shame, with and without you. Drags you up a nearby hill to see fireworks and produces a bottle of champagne seemingly out of nowhere. Forgot glasses though, so you take swigs out of the bottle and choke on the bubbles and foam. Spins and dips you at midnight and finishes with the sweetest kiss.

Tag List?! Are y'all even here anymore!? 😂

Join the tag list by commenting for the discord server link or filling out my form.

@techhasmjolnir @falconfeather23435 @ladylucksrogue @padawancat97 @baddest-batchers

@anxiouspineapple99 @yunggoblin @littlefeatherr @cw80831 @all-mights-babygirl

@totallyunidentified @lightwise @moonstrider9904 @clonemedickix @dangraccoon

@nursekyra @callsign-denmark @heidnspeak @stardusthuntress @lune-de-miel-au-paradis

@ivyyyyy @kashasenpai @followthepurrgil @littlemissmanga @littlemissbshine

@crosshairscrustysock @lamiliani @skellymom @burningnerdchild @galaxyofthoughts99

@sweeticedtea @starrylothcat @mxkyrie @reader6898 @eyecandyeoz

@trixie2023 @vrycurious @youreababboon @photogirl894 @subbing-for-clones

@yve-barr @salaminus @ezras-left-thumb @etod @dhawerdaverd

@techsgalaxy02 @shadowphantomreaper @violatiger8 @flowered-bicycles @nursekyra

@eternal-transcience @somewhere-on-kamino @plotlessvoid @morerandombullshit