#jerobertsthoughts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Afraid

You make me feel like...

I should be afraid to lose you

And that you

Could easily get over me

I will admit in the beginning

I used to be... afraid

But now I just want peace

Peace of mind

Peace in my home

Free of the thoughts

That you would leave us alone

Leave everything behind

Like it never meant nothing

That it wasn't apart of our journey

To become better

A better you

A better me

A better family...

But you act like

You want me to be afraid

That one day

Both of your feet will be outside of this relationship

And that it was so easy for you

To walk away

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I write my truths

My faults...

The hurt I feel

You've read it all

I am an opened diary

I have nothing to hide

Every post you see is how I feel inside

It may seem one sided

But I'm sure others can relate

Anything I've said is up for debate

I've been at this for years

And at times it seemed like a struggle

This writing thing fits to me like pieces of a puzzle

I write for you, I write for me

My words can be meant for anybody

I don't want to stop

I'm so close to the top

It's been written

And I hope you all can bare witness

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I Wasn't Ready

I wasn't ready... To see you like this Knowing that you're gone forever I wasn't ready... To cry my heart out At my loss... my heart break I wasn't ready... To kiss you for the last time Or touch you for the last time I wasn't ready to see that casket close To place the one and only rose I ever gave you

On your casket before you were placed in your final resting place I wasn't ready... To drop to my knees Begging the Lord please to give you back to me I wasn't ready...

To say goodbye

S.I.P Isa 1974-2024

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Easy To Love

It's easy to love me

Yet, you make it seem so difficult

Play me music

I love music of all kinds

Show me art

I love art, I even make it some times

Read me a book

I love books, I get so excited when I receive one

Take me somewhere I've never been

I love nature, I love to explore

I love to sight see, it makes me feel free

All these things makes it so easy to love me

Where is the difficulty?

[jerobertsthoughts]

I could fill pages upon pages with how much I love that girl

But now...

The pages are only filled with my tears

Writing how lost I've been

Losing a friend

Death did not become of her

But she's dead to me...

All these years I've been trying to make peace with it

Then social media reminds me

And the wounds are cut open again

To play fiddle with my heart strings

Daring me to reach out to no avail

She's never there...

For me to say the least

But I love her

It won't go away

It follows me every where

Then sneaks up on me when I least expect it

This feeling is hectic

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I'm not hurting anymore

I'm not completely healed either

I'm just taking my time treating these wounds with the love I have left

Remembering the words that cut so deep

Remembering every single time I accepted what I didn't deserve

I'm not crying anymore

My emotions have left me high and dry

To reap what I didn't sow

Even though I am partially the blame for being so forgiving of deceitful things

Remembering how love had me weak in the knees

Remembering all the times I fought with you not to leave

Now I'm a carrier of love scars

Reminders of what someone who I once loved had done to me

For trying to give my love to them

...I'm not in love anymore

I've finally said it

Even though I don’t mean it

Just tired of bandaging love wounds

While trying to love you

While trying to protect myself

From being hurt

From being covered in love scars

[jerobertsthoughts]

Worth Losing

Is it really worth losing everything

Is he worth the happiness I so longed for

The love that I grew into with you

The heart break that I had to witness

Just to get here

All these years later

Right where I thought I belonged

With you...

Then he came along and showed me different

He gave me excitement

He created passion that I've never received

But where's the love

I had no desire for it

I just wanted for once to feel wanted

With the best intentions

Even if it was worth losing everything I built with you

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

My favorite hiding place is the notes section on my phone

It makes me feel at home

No one can hurt me there

I can express myself

I can laugh, I can cry

I can be the inner child I hold inside

I am free

I can write whatever bothers me

It gives me hope

It keeps me motivated

To create stories that I hold inside of me

It doesn't bother me if no one reads it

It still makes me happy

To be able to create this magical place

That I hope will never go to waste

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

If only I could have poured into you less

And loved me more

I wouldn't be hurting now

Battling emotions that could make or break my future... with you

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Photographs

Look at us

Smiling in every photograph

A perfect picture of happiness

Looking like the perfect couple

Looking like we were meant to be together

Enjoying each other's company

Enjoying you loving me in the moment

Wondering now

If you were truly happy

If you ever really loved me

Like you do in these pictures

Wondering if you wanted to be with me in these priceless moments we shared

Our love was supposed to last forever like in these photographs

Capturing our happiest moments

Capturing our love for each other

Capturing us...

At different moments in time

All I have left is these pictures of us

Memories of all the happiness that showed

Memories of all the love that growed

In a picture

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

She said yes

Without hesitation

Without a doubt in her mind

This was what she wanted

She patiently waited on this day to come

Wondering what it would be like

How special he would make it

She said yes

Realizing now she walked into this naked

Blinded by the illusion that he was the greatest love of all

Forgetting his demons

His disrespectful tongue

But he made her feel loved

On the outside

She said yes

Now she's full of regrets

Of what he's promised

Covering up what's eluded

All these years of pursuing

His love and affection

They are now misguided lessons

She said yes

Because he's made progress

He's becoming the man of her dreams

Nothing is as it seems

He's proud of this ring

It's a big step towards everything he said she deserved

She said yes... and now the rest is awaiting history

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Loving You

I want to love you completely

With every word that I write

In hopes that you could feel how deep my love flows for you

I mean no harm when I insert our strengths and weaknesses into poems being read by the world

I feel as if what we have is in every love story that's been written

I'm not searching for perfection in you or us

I have everything I need right here

In these words that I write about loving you

[jerobertsthoughts]

These feelings...

Are not mine

They are yours.

I just somehow

Put them into words

That your voice was deprived of reciting.

I heard your silence

It spoke volumes...

The rapid beating of your heart.

Being indisposition to express such things

That normally go unsaid.

Tormented by the thoughts in your head

That no one seems to understand.

Until there was me!

Your voice of reasoning

Unapologetically bold

Expressing what your actions foretold.

Making them all listen

To our feelings...

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

When I think of Valentine's day...

I think of us cooking together and feeding each other

I think of romantic setups and the expression on your face after seeing it

I think of you pulling me up to dance with you

And you whispering to me "I love you too"

I think of our deep conversations and the smile that crosses your face

I think of you holding me close and kissing my forehead

I think of the poems that we've written to each other throughout the years

I think about how you've conquered all of my fears

When I think of Valentine's day

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I wanted forever with you

I realize now that it will never come true

Our love wasn't what I thought it would be

Never thought that after all of these years you weren't in love with me

I was just an empty void in your life

Begging to be your wife

Because we created this life together

We called it forever

A place that I thought that I would always be

Until you told me you've only tolerated me

Words that broke my heart

Because I gave you my best parts

That you used to your benefit

And now I'm ending it

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I really can't afford to take any more losses. I've come too far, and I've worked too hard to fail again.

-Jeroberts