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ampintherain · 4 years ago

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I’m Yours:

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Chapter VI

Y/N is Kenny Ortega’s ‘niece’ after going through a rough breakup, Kenny decides to fly her over to stay with him, will her broken heart mend?

(Female Reader, NO SMUT, Romance, Friendship, THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FANFIC/IMAGINE, I hope it’s good, Kenny is lifelong family friend so reader calls him Uncle Kenny. I’m British so the writing is going to be British so like ‘mum’ not ‘mom’ yanno?)

Warnings: swearing mostly

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“I don’t need to” he said, causing my heart to flutter, the things this boy does to me.

Y/N

“Hey! you!” I heard the voice of a Canadian from behind me, I turned around and saw the smiling face of Charlie coming towards me, his torso lowered as he ran towards me with his arms open, I raised my eyebrow at his antics before I was lifted in the air and spinning around, I squealed at the sudden change and lightly tapped Charlie’s shoulder to put me down,

“Let go of me you weirdo” I laughed before Charlie let my feet hit the ground, he stared down at me with a cheesy grin plastered on his face, I rolled my eyes playfully and pushed Charlie towards the trailer, “you, Charles, have to get ready. Busy day today” I smiled, just as I opened up the door to costumes and pushing Charlie lightly,

“Okay beautiful, okay” he said, laughing at me as he closed the door behind him, I blushed at his kind words and turned around to see Madison and Jadah smiling at me,

“Girl, he totally likes you” Jadah stated just as I came up to them, I scoffed playfully and laughed at the statement, “he does! Everyone can see it but you” Madison nodded in agreement, pulling my arm and linking hers with mine, Jadah doing the same.

“He’s always around you Y/n, he always needs you nearby” Madison smiled, “it’s cute, it’s like he always wants to check up on you” she continued to tease, I rolled my eyes at the girl,

“You’re so funny” I drawled out sarcastically, walking with the girls to set, as we walked the girls continued to list the things that ‘obviously show’ that Charlie is ‘in love’ with me,

“He steals glances at you every single chance he gets. He is with you every single time we’re on a break” Jadah started, Madison nodding in agreement, I groaned, the list also contained this:

-I am the first person he goes to every single morning before shooting.

-He watches my Instagram and Snapchat stories repeatedly

-He has my post notifications on

-Madi and Jadah hear Owen and Jeremy tease him about me every day

-Charlie always fixes his hair and clothes every time I’m nearby

-He calls me and only me, beautiful, gorgeous, lovie.

“And and AND! Miss L/n, did you know that every time we’re in a scene and Kenny yells cut, the first thing Charlie does it come up to us and asks if you thought he looked good in the scene, or if you were impressed with his acting or if you thought-“

“Okay okay!” I sighed, cutting Madi off, “oh look, there’s Sav, I’m gonna go. See you guys later” I unlinked my arms with the two girls and ran over to Sav, calling her name,

“Oh hey sweetie” Sav smiled as she wrapped her arms around me, “oh look, there’s lover boy” she whispered in my ear before turning me around by my shoulders, I smiled as Charlie wandered over to us dressed as Luke,

“Ew what do you want Stink” I joked, as Charlie wandered over to us dressed as Luke, smiling,

“You” he answered simply, causing my heart to do a flip, I can’t seriously be falling for a guy this soon, really? I thought to myself, it’s not possible. I shouldn’t. Charlie quickly eased my thoughts as he engulfed me in a tight hug, “I want you” he whispered just within ear shot, “to stop calling me Stink” he pushed me away before running off to set towards Madi, Jeremy and Owen.

I watched as everyone started the scene, and since the girls had mentioned their list, that was all I could really think about. It was like my senses had heightened and I noticed everything that Charlie did. He really did steal glances at me, he really did adjust himself whenever he thought I was looking.

“Right guys, cut. 2 minute break, I’m just gonna check on the scene and see if there’s any adjustments needed for the scene” Uncle Kenny announced, and that was when I saw Charlie pull Jeremy and Owen to the side, they huddled together, I tilted my head to the side and saw Charlie look back over to me, I scrunched my nose at him playfully before beckoning him over, Charlie suddenly went wide eyed and ran his hands over his jeans, he bounced on his feet slightly before heading over to me,

“Uh hey, wassup?” Charlie asked, almost nervously, I smiled up at him and took a hold of his hand, his nerves eased slightly,

“Hey, you were really good” I assured, tugging lightly on his hand and smiling up at him, “you’re little grumpy face is so cute” I complimented honestly. I watched as the nerves washed away and Charlie beamed down at me, my hand still in his as I felt his thumb run lightly over mine.

“Really?” He questioned, I nodded enthusiastically and continued to smile at the sweet boy in front of me, he bounced on his feet and swung our hands slightly, “Thanks Lovie” he smiled,

“You’re most welcome” I replied, he booped me on the nose, causing me to scrunch my nose slightly,

“You’re cute” he tilted his head to the side, staring down at me with his gorgeous eyes, I could feel a blush slowly creep up on to my cheeks, I averted my gaze,

“You’re so silly” I laugh at him, trying to cover up the effect his words had on me, he smirks down at me and turns to look at the set behind him,

“I should get back, are you still gonna be here when I’m done?” He questioned, I looked at Charlie with an ‘are you serious’ look,

“Seriously Charles? Of course I am, I have to wait for Uncle Kenny” I laughed, he slowly nodded, mumbling ‘right’ repeatedly before chuckling and letting go of my hand and running over to the set.

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“Hey” I heard a voice speak from above me, I looked up to see Marcus, one of the cast assistants smiling at me, “can I join you?” He questioned, pointing towards the seat in front of me,

“Oh sure Marcus, of course” I smiled slightly before looking back over to the set, watching my friends do what they did best, I glanced back over to Marcus to see him staring at me whilst drinking from his water bottle, “you okay?” I questioned cautiously, becoming slightly concerned at his prolonged eye contact,

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just admiring your beauty” he winked at me, Marcus was around my age so it wasn’t weird, and it wasn’t like he was unattractive, in fact, he was the exact opposite. He had these piercing green eyes, floppy chocolate brown hair styled down the middle like Leo Dicaprio in Titanic, his nails were painted black, his face was dotted with freckles and he had a small nose ring... however, it still made me feel uncomfortable and I couldn’t really explain why.

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Charlie

I glanced over to check up on Y/n, like I do every single day, I couldn’t stand not being near her, I hadn’t even known her that long and it was like she consumed every thought.

“Who’s that?” I questioned, tapping Jeremy on the shoulder lightly, pointing slightly over to Y/n sat facing some guy, they were chatting and I could tell that Y/n wasn’t feeling too comfortable by the way her laugh wasn’t as joyful as it usually is, and how she was shuffling in her seat.

“Oh, that’s Marcus, he’s Tori and Sacha’s cast assistant” Jeremy explained, “he’s like 21” he continued, I nodded and overheard Kenny call for a 30 minute break, that was enough for me to put on the blinkers and make my way over to Y/n.

I wrapped my arms around her from behind, my arms draping over her shoulders as I rested my chin lightly on the top of her head, I felt Y/n jump slightly as the sudden contact of my arms on her, she tensed slightly before I watched her glance down at the bracelets donning my wrists, her body lost all its tension and she traced her soft fingers over my exposed skin on my arms “Hey Lovie, we’re on a break for a half hour, wanna come grab lunch with me?” I asked, Y/n looked up at me and then over to Marcus,

“Uh yeah, you two go. Um it was nice talking to you” Marcus mumbled, getting up from his seat “I needed to get back to work anyway” he laughed shortly before heading over to Sacha’s trailer, Y/n stood up and smiled at me,

“Thank you... I was feeling kinda awkward” she giggled slightly, I tilted my head slightly as a signal for her to explain, I knew it was something more than what she was letting on, “my ex, he um dressed and looked similar to Marcus, kinda made me feel weird” she explained simply, I tugged her arm lightly and brought her into my arms, rubbing my hand up and down her back, I could feel her body shake slightly as small and quiet sobs left her body,

“Hey, hey” I whispered quietly, resting my chin atop her head once again, “he isn’t worth these tears beautiful girl, you deserve so much more” I soothed, Y/n sniffled slightly before removing her head from my chest, she wiped away her tears and looked up at me, her eyes glassy, she smiled weakly and nodded,

“I’m not even crying over him... it’s just, I don’t know...” she sighed in defeat, I waited for a few seconds before Y/n continued, “I just feel like maybe I don’t deserve to be loved, I was with him for so long and for half of it, he was with somebody else...” Y/n mumbled, fiddling with her t-shirt nervously,

“You” I began, taking her hands in mine to stop her fiddling, “my Lovie, you are more than deserving. You deserve the world and more, he just is too blind and stupid to see how amazing you are, you’re beautiful Y/n, so beautiful” I cupped her face in my hands as she looked down,

“But Quinn is everything I want to be, she’s so so beautiful, I don’t know why I thought Zac would just want me, always, y’know? Especially considering Quinn was always around... I was so stupid” Y/n sighs in defeat, I watched as she went to speak again, about to tell me more self-deprecating words but before she could I cut her off.

“Nope, don’t say anything else misses, I don’t want to hear you put yourself down anymore okay?” I stated as I took her hand and began to walk with her to catering, I walked slowly just in case, I didn’t want anyone in catering to hear this sensitive conversation with Y/n “Look Y/n, you’re incredible, I’ve never met this Quinn but I can guarantee you that your beauty goes above and beyond what Quinn has. Not only physically but your personality is the most beautiful thing. Zac was stupid to let you go but he’s done the rest of the world a favour because now us single guys have a chance at having you.” Y/n blushed slightly at my words before laughing and shaking her head,

“That’s not true” she stated, dropping her head, she continued to walk as I stopped in place, I pulled her back lightly, “it’s not Charlie...” she continued

“It’s one of the truest things I’ve ever said, look Y/n, you’re perfect, absolutely perfect, I have never met anyone as beautiful as you and I doubt that I ever would. Zac truly is the biggest doofus” Y/n giggled at my use of words, “he is! He’s an idiot for letting you go Angel, he truly has done the single guys a favour because we are always searching for a girl like you. A girl with a kind smile, joyful laugh, twinkling eyes. You are everything that anyone would want” Y/n looked up at me through her eyelashes as a tear slipped out, I quickly caught it with my thumb, wiping it away.

“Really?” Her voice cracked, half smiling up at me, “you really mean that?” I nodded happily,

“I really really mean that” I assured, “come on now Lovie, let’s go get some food” I changed the subject quickly in order to make Y/n feel a bit lighter in mood, I bent down and tapped my back,

“What are you doing?” She laughed.

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Y/N

“Get on” Charlie whined, I rolled my eyes and jumped on Charlie’s back, he adjusted my comfortably before walking further towards catering,

“So what’re we having this time?” I questioned, Charlie shrugged, “how about waffles with peanut butter, bananas and maple syrup?”

“Oh definitely! That sounds like the best, I’m gonna have some pringles with mine though” Charlie said as he placed me back down on the floor, we walked together through the catering hall before grabbing our food,

“Your obsession with putting pringles on things is disgusting” I joked, rolling my eyes. We both sat down at a table with Owen, Jeremy, Madison and Savannah. Jadah was still grabbing food with Sacha and Tori.

“Look at this Charlie, look, Y/n knows how far to go- this waffle looks amazing” Owen said, pointing down at my waffle, “I bet you it will taste great” I nodded and offered Owen a bite, he accepted happily and nodded approvingly, “see? Yep. Amazing... but this! This travesty in front of you. Too far” I laugh at Owen’s dramatics and continued to eat my waffle,

“Don’t knock it unless you try it O, this is amazing” Charlie said as he squashed the Pringles in his waffle and took a bite, i scrunched my face in disgust as Charlie munched happily.

“Nope... I’m with Owen on this one. It’s gross” I said,

“Charlie, you’re nasty” Madi joked, causing the table to laugh, “you need to be checked” she continued, Charlie rolled his eyes and continued to eat his concoction happily.

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“Hey Y/n/n” I heard Charlie call at the end of the day as I was walking towards my Uncle Kenny, I stopped in my tracks and turned around, smiling up at the bouncing boy,

“Hey Bub” I smiled, the new nickname causing Charlie to blush slightly and smile at me, “what’s up?” I questioned, Charlie began to shuffle on his feet nervously, “hey... Charlie... talk to me” I assured soothingly, Charlie took a deep breath and nodded

“Okay, so” he began, looking everywhere but me, “Iwaswonderingifmaybeyoupossiblywantedtogoutwithmetonightmaybe” Charlie said quickly, so quickly that I couldn’t pick up what he was trying to say,

“Huh?” I asked, tilting my head, “I didn’t catch a word of that Charlie” Charlie took another deep breath and finally brought his gaze to me, keeping eye contact, I watched as his pupils dilated causing me to tilt my head in confusion,

“Okay okay... right” Charlie mumbled, still looking at me, “I was wondering” he began as he fiddled with his fingers, I reached over and took a hold of his hand smiling, his nerves quickly dispersed as his eyes searched my face, “I was wondering if maybe... you would wanted to go out with me tonight...? It’s fine if you don’t want to, I get it like you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and you’re still hurting, I get it but” Charlie rambled, I giggled at his adorable state and shook my head,

“Charlie, I would love to go out with you tonight” I smiled, Charlie looked up at me and scrunched his eyebrows together,

“Really?” He asked, “you really want to?” I nodded and swung our hands together,

“I really really want to” I went up on to my toes and planted a light kiss to Charlie’s cheek,

“O-okay, right. I’ll pick you up at 8?” He questioned, I suddenly was glad that today was a half day shoot, it gave me enough time to prepare and possibly go shopping to get a new outfit,

“8 sounds perfect” I smiled, Charlie nodded and jumped lightly on his feet before pulling me in for a hug, leaving a light kiss on top of my head and suddenly running off to his trailer, waving goodbye to me.

“I told you he liked you!” Madi yelled from behind me, I span on my heels and half smiled at Savannah, Jadah and Madison all huddled together smiling widely at me,

“Okay okay” I gave in, “you three are geniuses, but can you please help me out? I have no idea what to wear...”

“Oh my god, shopping?” Savannah questioned, Tori came up from behind me, wrapping an arm over my shoulders,

“Hey girl,” Tori smiled, “I heard shopping” she joked, “what’s the occasion?”

“Well our lovely Y/n has got herself a date...” Jadah trailed off before rushing over to me along with Sav and Madi, they all cuddled me in and squealed with excitement,

“Wait wait... with who?” Tori questioned excitedly, “is he cute? Do we know him?” She continued, we all pulled away from our hug just as Charlie walked past with Owen and Jeremy, he glanced over at the small huddle of girls and smiled at me, my lips pursed in pursuit of trying to hide my smile as I glanced down at the floor, “no way! I knew it!” Tori whisper-yelled.

“Okay I get it, you all told me so” I laugh, “now can you please help me!” I begged, tugging on Tori’s arm, the girls laughed and nodded, I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Kenny telling him the situation and he quickly replied saying it was all okay and that he was going out for the evening with Mr Reyes anyway.

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“Okay so we’ve settled on this dress right? Have you got anything to wear with it?” Savannah questioned as she held up a burnt orange dress, I nodded,

“I just don’t have any shoes” I admitted, the four girls in front of me nodded, Madi took a sip from her smoothie before pointing over to a shop,

“Why don’t we try over there?” She asked once she had taken a sip of her drink,

“Yeah why not, let’s go” Jadah agreed, I quickly ran over to the counter with the dress for the date alongside some other clothes that I just wanted to buy because sometimes I just couldn’t help myself before going back over to the girls, Jadah took me by my hand and walking with me and the rest of the girls to the shop Madi had suggested. We looked throughout the shop, each girl picking up shoes and showing them to me for my approval.

By the end of the 3 hour shopping trip, each girl had bags upon bags of clothes, accessories, shoes and anything else that they wanted to buy, me included. “Well I’d say that was successful” Savannah commented, causing us all to erupt in short laughter, “it was fun having a girls day! We need to do it again” she continued,

“Oh for sure, this whole thing was very therapeutic” Tori agreed we continued to walk further towards a the parking lot before we all went our separate ways, Mr Reyes was picking up Jadah and Madison, Tori was driving Savannah back home and Uncle Kenny was picking me up.

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Charlie

“Owen! I haven’t even planned out this date properly, it kinda happened in the spur of the moment. Where do I take her?” I ranted as I paced through the living room,

“Charlie... I don’t think that Y/n is going to be the kind of girl that really cares about where you take her, I also think she’s the kinda girl who would want a date that isn’t classed as ‘basic’ you get what I mean?” Owen said in an attempt to calm me down,

“Okay okay... so what do I do? I’ll pick her up at 8 and then I could take her to a small diner in Vancouver and then we could go to a viewing point maybe? Dude I don’t know” I stressed, tugging at my hair,

“Charlie... that’s the best idea, that will work perfectly okay? Do that, I’m sure she’ll love it” Owen said, I nodded and huffed, still stressed out. “You really like her don’t you?” He questioned, I sighed and sat down next to my best friend,

“Yeah man... She’s had me since day one, I’ve been hooked. She’s just beautiful, she’s so perfect. She’s kind and caring and funny... I just want to show her what it’s like to be truly loved because Zac, her ex, treated her like shit” I explained, looking over at the clock on the wall,

“You better start getting ready dude” Owen spoke my inner thoughts as he patted my back and pushed me upwards off the couch, I nodded and walked over to my bathroom to start getting ready.

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Y/N

“You nervous Star?” Kenny asked as we entered the apartment,

“Can you tell?” I questioned back, he nodded slightly, “It’s been so long since I’ve been asked on a date, I hardly ever went on dates with Zac. I think in the entirety of our relationship, we went on like 7 dates” I explained, Kenny took me into his side and patted my head lightly,

“Well I know my Charlie, he’s going to give you the best date of your life okay? No need to be nervous, just think of it as two friends going out, everything will be fine okay?” Kenny assured and he swayed with me. I nodded and rested my head against his chest, “you, kiddo, need to start getting ready” he said as he lightly patted my upper arm, I nodded and carried my bags into my bedroom.

Once I got into my bedroom, I tipped up each bag and watched the contents fall onto the bed lightly, I rummaged through the pile of clothes and shoes before pulling out the burnt orange dress and some small heeled black boots. I placed those items further up my bed before putting everything else in it’s rightful place. As soon as I had finished putting everything away I pulled out my black turtle neck top and my black socks that went up to just below my knee, I placed those items on my bed alongside the dress and boots.

I quickly hopped into the shower, washing my hair and body and shaving over any growing hairs, I stayed in the shower for around 20 minutes longer than I should’ve due to listening to my music and performing a non-existent concert. I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body and rubbed my hair dry before brushing my teeth and putting on a face mask, I dried my hair with a hair dryer before curling it lightly, letting my hair flow freely once I had finished. I peeled off my face mask and wiped away any residue before applying some natural looking makeup and swiping some nude coloured lip stick across my lips, I set my makeup with some setting spray and placed some curling moose in my hair and hair sprayed it to keep the curls.

I applied some moisturiser to my body before spraying some deodorant and my favourite perfume, I stepped out of the shower and promptly got dressed, I searched for my black crossbody bag that was hidden somewhere in my wardrobe just as my phone chimed, I wandered over to my desk and picked up my phone to see the message from Charlie

>my favourite Canadian🇨🇦- Hey, I’m outside. No need to rush though okay? Come down when you’re ready Lovie ❤️

I smiled down at the text, although it was a small gesture but it was the first time he had sent me a heart and I couldn’t help but feel my heart race.

<I’ll be down in a second, just grabbing my bag ❤️

I rushed into my wardrobe and pulled out my bag before checking myself over in the mirror, Hm, I like it. I thought to myself as I twisted my body to look at the side and back of my outfit.

I rushed out of my bedroom, stuffing my keys, purse and phone in my bag, “you look beautiful Star” Uncle Kenny smiled at me,

“Thanks Uncle Kenny, I gotta go though, Charlie’s waiting for me” I said breathlessly due to the nerves kicking in again,

“Okay Munchkin, you have no need to worry or be nervous okay? Besides nerves are a good sign, it means you like him” Kenny said as he cuddled me in,

“I do like him, I really like him... I shouldn’t though should I? I mean Zac and I broke up not that long ago and I” Kenny promptly cut me off,

“You texted me 3 weeks before the break up with Zac saying that you were feeling off about the relationship, you convinced yourself it was a blip but you knew that you two were heading south. I see the way you look at Charlie and how he looks at you... and how you two look at each other. You liking him is not a bad thing okay? You can’t help what your heart feels so, you go and have fun. You got your keys?” Kenny asked, I nodded and pointed towards my bag, Uncle Kenny ushered me towards the door and waved me off as I rushed down the hall to the elevator.

“Hey” Charlie said as I left the main building, see Charlie stood outside of his car holding a sunflower, “you look beautiful... sunflowers are your favourite right?” Charlie questioned as he handed me the flower,

“Yes they are... and thank you, you look very handsome” I complimented, Charlie was wearing some brown boots, dark blue jeans with a plain white tee and brown courdory jacket. I twiddled the sunflower in my fingers, Charlie opened the passenger door for me and closed it after I had sat inside.

“You okay?” Charlie asked as he drove down the street,

“Uh yeah, just not really used to dates, I haven’t been on many” I admitted, Charlie’s jaw instagntly dropped,

“Wait... you serious?” He questioned “Zac’s such a loser man, if I was him, I’d be taking you out on dates every week” I smiled over at Charlie, “I’m serious”

“I know you are” I replied, “so where are we going?” I questioned, scrunching my nose, Charlie placed a single finger up to his lips, “it’s a secret is it?” Charlie laughed,

“Yes it is Lovie.” Charlie turned the music up and continued to drive for another 10 minutes until he pulled up into a parking lot. “We’re here” he said as he put the car into park, I unbuckled and went to open the door, “ah ah ah, what’re you doing?” He questioned,

“Opening the door...” I said obviously, Charlie tutted at me before ordering me to stay still as he hopped out of the car and opened my door for me, “oh you’re such a gentleman” I joked as I slipped out of my seat, Charlie took my hand in his instantly and intertwined our fingers- yeah Charlie and I had held hands before but never interlocked, this was another small detail that caused my heart rate to race. Charlie closed the door behind me with his spare hand as he moved our interlocked hands over my head so his arm was behind my neck, I readjusted my hand so it held his comfortably as we walked towards a cute diner that had a 50s style to it.

Charlie opened the diner door for me and walked us over to a spare booth, I slipped into the comfortable seat across from him, “this place is so cute” I smiled, looking around at the pink and dark mint green colours of the diner, I reached over and grabbed a menu and looked back up at Charlie, “what?” I questioned as I saw him staring at me,

“You’re just so beautiful” he sighed happily before he reached and took a hold of my hand again using his other to grab a menu and look through to figure out what he wanted.

“What can I get for you?” A waitress asked tapping her pad with her pencil lightly,

“Can I have the Neopolitan shake and the cheeseburger and fries please” I asked, the lady nodded and wrote down my order,

“And can I have the same but with a lemonade?” Charlie said, the waitress nodded and smiled at us before walking off and giving our orders to the chef. I looked over at Charlie as he ran his thumb over my knuckles before lifting my hand up and placing a kiss to my knuckles.

Our food came quite quickly and Charlie and I ate just as quickly, talking slightly in between. Uncle Kenny was right, it was like two friends just hanging out, however Charlie consistently added cute little moments, whether it was taking my hand in his or leaving a few kisses on each of my knuckles or dropping in compliments every now and then. Soon after we had finished, the waitress had come with the bill, “what’re you doing?” Charlie questioned as I reached into my purse,

“I’m paying for my half...” I said, Charlie shook his head and snatched my purse from my hands, “Charles!” I stated, reaching across in an attempt to get my purse back,

“Nope. No. I’m paying. I asked you out on this date, so I’m paying, the next date you can pay” Charlie said as he sent me a wink, I huffed and sat back in my seat, watching Charlie pay for our meal. “Now come on, the dates not over yet Angel” he smiled as he handed my purse back, I tilted my head in shock and slid out of the booth, Charlie tucked me into his side and we thanked our server before leaving the diner and getting back into the car.

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Charlie

I pulled up and parked my car at the viewing point before clambering out and walking over to Y/n’s side, I shook my hands in an attempt to calm my nerves “it’s okay Charlie, it’s been going well so far” I whispered to myself “everything’s fine” I continued before I opened the passenger door, I took ahold of Y/n’s hand and closed the door behind her, I brought us to the front of my car and sat on the hood, tapping the spot next to me for Y/n to sit.

“Wow” she said as she saw the lights of the city, “this is so beautiful” the girl next to me snuggled into my side voluntarily and I slowly wrapped my arm around her shoulders bringing her in closer, playing with the curled ends on her hair and that was how we stayed, sat in comfortable silence, her soft hair falling over my fingers as I twirled the curls, Y/n’s hand placed softly on my chest drawing faint pictures.

“Hey” I said quietly after 15 minutes of the comfortable silence, “are you cold?” I questioned as I felt the girl shiver in my arms,

“No no, I’m fine” she smiled and waved me off, I shrugged my jacket off regardless as I knew she was lying, I draped the jacket over her shoulders and watched as she slid her arms through the holes, wrapping the jacket around her torso tightly,

“You look good in my jacket” I said, playing with the collar before pulling her hair out of the back of the jacket that it was tucked within, Y/n blushed and lowered her head, her gaze focusing on the sleeves of my jacket, I tilted my head, this is is Charlie... I thought to myself, I sucked in a deep breath before slowly breathing out to try and calm my nerves, I lifted my hand and tilted her head up to look at me, I watched as her pupils dilated once they had focused on my face and smiled at her, “okay... I’ve been wanting to do this for weeks...” I trailed off causing the beautiful girl in front of me to become confused, her eyebrows knitting together slightly and she bit the inside of her cheek, twisting her mouth to the side.

“Do what?” She questioned, I didn’t reply, instead I cupped her face lightly in my hands and brought my face closer to hers, I felt Y/n close the gap as my eyes fluttered shut, I leant in closer and before I knew it my lips were on hers, they were softer than I ever imagined and they tasted a bit like the shake she had earlier, our lips moved in perfect harmony but before I knew it, we were both pulling away.

“Sorry... was that” I said before I was cut off by Y/n’s lips back on mine for a short but sweet kiss.

“It was perfect” she smiled, I nodded and pulled her in for one more kiss, quickly becoming addicted to the feeling it gave me.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 💜

♡︎Taglist: @thesweetestsinner @ifilwtmfc @ashleyleblancx @chloepart03 @obxflowr @nocturnalherb16 @spn-marvel-nerd @jenfox25 @siennanoelle01 @sovereignparker @dpaccione @robbstarkmademedoit ♡︎

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toomanystoriessolittletime · 5 years ago

Text

Hate to love you

Summary: Walter Marshall seemed to hate you since the first time you stepped into the police department. But when you found his daughter sitting on your desk one morning, and began to spend time with her, he seemed to warm up to you.

Pairing: Walter Marshall / F!Reader

Wordcount: 1.926

Warnings: smut

A/N: This is based on a request: can you maybe write walter marshall smut one shot where the reader is his new coworker and at the beginning they hate each other but then he sees how good the reader is with his daughter and falls for her?

Masterlist

Taglist:

@ladyreapermc / @theolsdalova / @greenmanalishi / @itsmydreamlifethings / @palaiasaurus64 / @celestial-vomit / @penwieldingdreamer/ @its-jb86 / @notyourtypicalrose / @babypink224221 / @blahdragonageblah / @alexakeyloveloki / @fanficsrusz / @solariumss / @starlite13 / @ly--canthrope / @mytbel0st / @mrrightismrreeves / @oddsnendsfanfics / @ravenpuff02 / @sofiebstar / @chamomilebottom / @keiva1000 / @agniavateira / @peaceinourtime82 / @dearlybelovedluke / @diehadess /@mis-lil-red / @watermeloncavill / @mary-ann84 / @siriussnape07 / @desperate-and-broken

“What did I do now?” You asked sighing, looking up at the grim face of Walter Marshall. You had started working at the police department only a couple weeks ago and for some reason the both of you seemed to push all of each other’s buttons with just looking at each other.

“I need all of these looked through and marked if there are similarities.” He sighed, throwing a bunch of files on your desk, his fingers on the bridge of his nose. He looked tired. Not that you cared.

“On it. Gonna do that first thing in the morning.” You said, pushing off your chair and grabbing your coat.

“No. I need that now. There’s a murderer on the loose…” he said, urgency in the voice.

“I know that, and I would do that but my mom is at the hospital and I need to go and see her before her surgery tomorrow.” You said, crossing your arms in front of your chest as you looked up at him. He glared at you, the muscles in his jaw twitching.

“First thing tomorrow.” He finally agreed.

“Wouldn’t have stayed here even if you begged me in your knees, Marshall.” You grinned sweetly up at him before you turned around and left.

A girl was sitting at your desk when you got in early the next morning. Frowning you stepped closer.

“Uhm. I am pretty sure you’re too young to join the police.” You said. The girl looked up at you, long dark locks framing her face.

“My dad would never let me join the police anyway.” She rolled her eyes, making you chuckle.

“What are you doing here then?” You sat down on your desk.

“School is canceled for today and my mom had to work, so Dad took me with him. Because a thirteen year old can’t be trusted alone at home.” She sighed exhausted.

“It’s not easy being a teenager.” You said.

“Tell ME about it.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“So what is your plan for the rest of the day?” You asked.

“Don’t know. Can’t even log into the WiFi here because dad refused to give me the password.”

“What’s your name?” You asked.

“Faye Marshall.” She answered.

“As in grump… uhm Walter Marstall?” You asked, making her giggle.

“Exactly like grumpy Marshall.”

“Well, Faye. Do you want to help me find a murderer?” You asked, her eyes lighting up in excitement.

It was almost three hours in when you felt like someone was watching you. You had given Faye the files that had to be checked for the same locations. It were so many files you were almost glad you had a little help.

“And what are you doing here?” You heard Marshall’s voice.

“We’re doing important police work dad, leave us.” Faye said, not even looking up at him. You sucked both of your lips in as you looked up at him. He raised an eyebrow at you.

“That better be not the red files I gave you to check.” He said.

“Sure. I gave your teenage daughter the red files to check. Next up she’s going to sort the evidence chamber. Who do you think I am?” You shook your head disbelieving.

He rolled his eyes.

“Is it okay if I leave her with you? There’s a suspect…”

“It’s fine. Lunch is on you though.” You said. He nodded and turned around to leave.

“Thank you.” He said over his shoulder before he was out of the door.

It turned out that Faye would be off school for the entire week. Which meant that she became kind of your shadow. Not that you minded. You liked the girl. She reminded you of your niece who you only saw twice a year because she was living so far away.

During the week you had her help you with everything that wasn’t too intense. You had lunch together every day and today, on the last day, Marshall even joined you.

“And you still want to join the police?” He asked Faye.

“Yes. If it’s only half as cool as this week. You’re so cool.” She said looking at you.

You heard Marshall chuckle.

“Wow you must have really impressed her. She’s bored to death when I tell her about work.”

“That’s because you are always so dramatic dad.” Faye rolled her eyes. You chuckled looking at him and could see the hint of a smile on his face.

“Dad did you know that she has never been to Jeremys?” Faye asked.

“Yeah what is this Jeremys Faye insisted i had to try?” You asked.

“They have the best burgers in the city.” Marshall explained.

“You should take her Dad. She’s cool.” Faye said.

“Yeah. She is.” He said, looking at you. And for a moment there was something in his eyes you couldn’t name. But it made your breath hitch.

“Okay. I have to go. My mom is getting out of the hospital today.” You smiled, already getting up from the table.

“See you Faye.” You waved at her.

Marshall walked you to the door of the cafeteria.

“Thank you for this week. You saved my ass.” He said. Smiling shyly you shrugged.

“No problem at all. She’s a bright young woman. You should listen more to her. She’s…”

“The best thing that happened to me.” He said how fully smiling.

“Hey so… do you have anything planned tomorrow?” He asked. Frowning you shook your head.

“Not really. It’s Saturday so the usual…”

“Can I take you out to dinner?” He asked, catching you by surprise.

“As a thank you for this week.” He added. You looked at him thinking that if he would smile like this more often, he wouldn’t look so grumpy.

“Pick me up at 7?” You asked.

“Sure.” He grinned.

“I thought you hated me.” You whimpered, feeling him pull down your pants. He had picked you up at 7 sharp, looking straight out of a movie with his dark jeans and dark dress shirt tucked in his pants. He had even trimmed his beard, his eyes looking warmly at you. Marshall had taken you to Jeremys and you had to admit that the burger you had was one of the best you had ever had.

And some time during your night out, Marshall the grumpy detective became Walter. The guy who made you laugh and who looked at you like you were the only person in the room. He had kissed you good night and at the first contact of his lips on yours you had decided that you wouldn’t ever be able to live without it.

Walter who was right now kissing up your leg, his big hand sneaking under your shirt.

“I didn’t hate you.” He said.

“Well I hated you.” You huffed, giggling when he tickled your side.

“I really didn’t.” His face was above yours, his fingers running down your jaw.

“I see woman like you come in every year. Thinking the world is at their feet. But I was wrong in my first impression.” He cupped your cheek. You let your hands wander into his soft hair.

“You’re exactly the opposite of the impression I first had of you.” He bend down to kiss you softly.

“And Faye practically dared me to ask you out and she hates ever single woman I ever went out with.” He chuckled.

“That smile really does wonders to your grumpy face.” You smiled up at him. Your hand running down his back to pull the shirt out, quickly opening the buttons to push it off his shoulders. You leaned up, kissing his chest, inhaling his manly scent.

He pushed you shirt up, leaving you in only your underwear beneath him.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, kissing you, his lips wandering down your throat, stopping in the Valley of your breasts. He looked up at you, as if to ask if you were okay. Nodding at him you bit your lip when he pushed the cups of your bra down, his thumbs teasing your nipples until the nips hardened. Only then did he lean down to close his mouth around one of them, flickering his tongue, making you arch your back against him, your hands buried in his hair as you quietly moaned his name.

You pushed against his chest, making him kneel on your bed as you reached for his belt, opening it, your hands pushing his pants down. Biting your lip you reached for his cock, not even surprised by his length, stroking it slowly as you looked up at him. His hands went to your back, opening your bra. Both of his hands palming your breasts, making him hum.

“Perfect.” He mumbled. One of his hands left your breasts, going straight between your legs, finding you soaked. Breathing out with a huff you looked up at him as he bend down, kissing you deeply as he slowly pushed you down to lay in your back. He shrugged his pants off, reaching for your panties as you brought your legs up, pulling them off.with your legs resting against his chest he looked down at you, his hands holding your ankles to his chest.

The anticipation of him filling you to the brim nearly killed you. Gasping as he kissed your ankle, you bit your lip as he slowly parted your legs, leaning down so his chest brushed over your nipples.

You felt his cock poking against your folds, making you moan. He reached down to stroke his cock through your folds.

“Usually I’d prepare you but fuck I wanna be inside of you..” he groaned, lining your cock up at your entrance.

“Just fuck me Walter.” You sighed, moaning when he slowly pushed in. You felt every inch of him as he worked himself into you. He rubbed circles on your clit, relaxing you more, making you take him completely.

“Fuck…” You gasped when he was buried inside of you, your arms holding on to his back. He looked at you, his face concentrating on you.

“Move… please.” You whispered.

Slow and deep he set a pace, making you whimper against him. One of his hands behind your neck pulling you towards him to kiss you. Moaning against his lips as he thrusted harder, you rolled your hips to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck…” You moaned as he flickered your clit more harshly. Warmth pooled in your lower belly, your climax building.

“Fuck…” he groaned as your walls squeezed him when your orgasm washed over you, his names on your lips as he kept thrusting into you.

“So fucking tight…. gonna cum…” he groaned, pulling out of you, spilling his cum on your stomach. Catching your breath you looked at each other.

“I will still hate you at work.” You said after a while, making him chuckle.

“As long as I get to punish you when we’re alone after work, I’m okay with that.” He grinned.

“Punish me?” You asked, narrowing your eyes. Nodding he reached for your hands, pulling you to knee in front of him. You felt his cum running down your body.

“Wanna find out?” He asked with a mischievous grin.

“God yes.” You sighed, shrieking when he picked you up and carried you to the bathroom.

#fanfic #fanfiction #request #walter marshall #henry cavill #walter marshall x reader

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xlady-saya · 5 years ago

Text

if magic exists, you’re the closest thing [fic]

Relationships: andrew/neil, jerejean, side aaron/katelyn, side alvarez/laila

Summary: The concept of love is not one Andrew understands.

For a long time, it escaped him. It's always fuzzy, always distorted. He'd given up on it long ago, so why is he still chasing answers?

Whatever the reason, he's content to blame Jean Moreau for a lot of things, Katelyn too.

It's their fault he's here, at the happiest place on earth.

Tags: disneyland fic, andrew thinks a lot about love, fluff, comfort, references to canon abuse/past

Read on AO3!

Andrew never liked the concept of time travel; there’s no one distinct moment he’d go back to personally, no tragic world event he’d try to stop like in the movies.

However, due to today’s events, he might just forgo that opinion to say he’d gladly go back to make sure Disneyland never existed.

Then, maybe he wouldn’t have to listen to Kevin’s nagging.

"You two cannot blow off Jeremy Knox!" Kevin rages, hands planted on the kitchen counter as Neil deftly works around him. Andrew's not quite sure what he's doing; he asked Neil for some ice cream a few minutes ago, and the sounds of clattering dishes and spoons are way more interesting than whatever Kevin is saying.

Andrew leans back into his beanbag chair, content to demolish Aaron in Mario Kart in the meanwhile.

"Yes we can," Neil says, like it's the simplest thing in the world. Andrew almost smirks.

It is; there's no way in hell Kevin's making them go to Disneyland on top of scouting recruits in California. Andrew doesn't understand why Queen Day can't just make another pit stop in Los Angeles after visiting the other recruit he has lined up in Washington.

Andrew exhales slowly, trying his best to keep his attention on the screen while he thinks about Neil. He's not sure when that became so difficult.

Alas, Andrew knows why he's being forced back to California. Neil cares far too much about Exy and his duties as vice-captain to miss out on something so essential. He picked out some of these recruits this time around, and he wants to see them in action. However, in this case it's not even one of his picks, and all they need to do is drop off paperwork. Neil has been trying, futilely, to convince Andrew he doesn't need to come.

The consideration is appalling. Andrew's grip on his controller is enough to make the plastic creak. Neil knows all too well California is a sore spot for him, but not the area they're going. Andrew couldn't care less.

Besides...Andrew's not letting Neil travel that far all alone.

Nothing, not even his past, is going to keep Andrew from going with him to make sure he doesn't die or worse. It wouldn't be a problem if Kevin were accompanying him, but he's got his own recruits to scout.

Neil is capable, Andrew thinks. He doesn't need protection, but it won't stop Andrew from offering it.

He chooses not to think about how one day, he'll have no choice but to stay behind. One day, he'll live apart from Neil and have to trust that he'll be okay.

He swallows down the dread he doesn't want to acknowledge, and claims first place.

"Motherfucker," Aaron spits, but immediately clicks the next level for them. If he can sense Andrew's mood, he doesn't comment, but...this helps.

And then he hits Andrew with a blue shell, and Andrew has to wonder why he shared a womb.

Andrew channels the uncertainty elsewhere, like kicking Aaron's ass and listening to Neil wave Kevin off. The rest of the time, he blames his nerves on the five hour flight he'll have to make in the very near future.

"We're not going," Neil says again, firmer this time. It's a tone that always sends Andrew's protective instincts into overdrive, Neil's temper flaring. But, it's just Kevin, which means there's more amusement than danger at play here.

Neil simply doesn't want to deal with it, so Andrew finds his voice. "Fuck off."

Kevin sputters, no doubt whipping around to where Andrew is sitting. He's not sure why Jeremy Knox is so set on taking them to Disneyland, but Andrew doesn't care enough to think about it. He's trying to do the bare minimum on their trip, and the USC Trojans are trying to make life difficult.

As Kevin groans on, Andrew hears the slightest indication of Neil stepping towards him. Neil's walk is distinct, in that it's nonexistent. Andrew often tests his hearing on how well he can sense Neil's approach.

And then, Neil is in front of him, and the world narrows until it's just Neil, crouched down with a bowl in his hands. Andrew hates what he's begun to call the Neil Effect, since it really has no concrete explanation, at least not an acceptable one. He gets second place in the game, and ignores Aaron's gloating for once. He'll get him back later.

There's something proud in Neil's eyes, self-directed, and that's when Andrew looks down to the bowl of ice cream.

Ah, now he remembers.

They hadn't been able to go grocery shopping, so the only thing in the freezer was boring vanilla. Disappointing, but Andrew's sweet tooth didn't care at the time. He needed dessert, no matter how lackluster.

However, this isn't just vanilla ice cream. There's large chunks of Snickers and peanut butter cups mixed in, haphazardly so, but well enough that someone obviously put in the effort.

Someone being...

Andrew looks between the bowl and Neil's steadily brightening expression, unwilling to linger on the fact Neil took the time to become a Cold Stone apprentice for the sole purpose of pleasing Andrew. It's all a waste though, because when he takes the bowl from Neil's hands, the reluctant words come out anyways.

"You're it for me."

It's not really a confession, since Andrew has known this for a while, but it still stings his pride a bit.

Neil blinks at him, tilting his head in that way that has Andrew glaring extra hard. "Hm?"

"Nothing."

He shoves the biggest spoonful he can manage into his mouth, and deserves the icy burn he gets for it.

Thankfully, before Neil can pry, Kevin is back at it again. Andrew's not sure if it's for better or worse.

The Queen himself rounds on them, blocking the television. "One of the best strikers from one of the top teams invited you to hang out for the day," he says, solely at Neil. He knows well enough that Andrew doesn't care about ranks. "How does that not excite you?"

An appropriate question, though. Why wouldn't it excite Neil?

"I don't know anything about Disneyland."

Neil plops down next to Andrew, indifference well conveyed. However, Andrew knows better. The restlessness in Neil's muscles is slight, but not surprising. There's a lot of things Neil doesn't know about, and while he normally wouldn't care, the idea of a place known for crowds of people probably isn't something Neil wants to explore.

It's not like the striker grew up with any exposure to the hundreds of movies or songs.

"It's an amusement park you loser," Aaron chimes in, and Neil scowls at him. Andrew pauses mid bite, surprised. A little. His brother's brand of comfort is the exact opposite of the what the word entails; it's a contrary, scathing thing, nearly as bad as Andrew's. But Andrew can detect it still, and that was definitely it.

Not that Neil would know though. The striker crosses his arms and sticks out his tongue, but Aaron's attention is already on getting Kevin the fuck out of his way.

"I don't care, I don't want to go," Neil responds petulantly, the words eaten up by the harsh impact of a pillow hitting Kevin's stomach.

At least he moves enough for Aaron's game to resume.

In the middle of Neil's protests, the door opens, admitting another one of Andrew's problems.

And she's unpredictable on top of it.

"Hi sweetie," Katelyn calls, punctuated by the slam of the front door. Andrew tries not to cringe at the name, nor his brother's dreamy sigh as Katelyn waves at them all. She walks over to kiss Aaron on the cheek before her attention is back on Neil's constipated face, which she blows past without a second thought. Oh, to be a cheerleader. "Go where?"

Kevin tears his gaze away from Aaron at the reminder. "Neil, you have to go to Disneyland, just fucking deal with it. You might be able to get some helpful pointers from Jeremy. Plus, don't you want to check on Jean?"

A cheap trick, and one that absolutely sours Andrew's mood despite the sweetness in his mouth. The protective itch is back from hearing Moreau's name, and he tugs Neil a little closer out of necessity.

Another reason for them not to go: Andrew's not sure he can stop himself from murdering the ex-Raven. Victim of Riko or not, he'd put his hands on Neil.

"If he wasn't doing okay I'm sure he would've reached out on his own," Neil counters, seeing through Kevin's appeal to sympathy. Neil, while he gets along with Jean better now, doesn't worry about him nearly as much as Kevin does.

Kevin can visit him then, if he's so curious.

As if Andrew said the words aloud, Kevin's stare intensifies. "Are you kidding--"

"Wait," Katelyn interrupts without care, and Andrew actually looks at her. He's been giving her that privilege a lot more now. Not everyone is dumb or brave enough to cut Kevin off, and even the striker looks impressed. Andrew's immediately thrown by the quality of her stare, the determination. Neil makes a strained noise in the back of his throat, and well, he does know Katelyn better. "You guys are talking about Disneyland? Like...Disneyland Disneyland?"

The existence of a knock-off Disneyland is certainly a topic Andrew will explore with Neil later.

"Oh no," Aaron whispers, and that's all the warning they get.

Neil leans further into Andrew's personal space, almost guarding. Like he senses the catastrophe too. "Uhh, yeah?"

Katelyn screams.

Andrew's hand on the back of Neil’s neck keeps him from jumping out of their seat, but Katelyn's got a one track mind as she rushes for him, plopping down on the ground as Aaron checks his ears for ringing.

The only satisfying part is that Katelyn pushes Kevin out of the way in the process. He goes reeling back with a yelp, very unbecoming of royalty.

"Oh my god! Neil you have to go, it's so fun!" Katelyn cheers, clapping her hands together softly. She chooses then to show Neil her backpack, adorned with about 100,000 Disney pins. Just an estimate.

As if Neil knows what any of them are. Neil barely blinks at Elsa's face before Katelyn's back to talking his ear off. "I've been trying to get Aaron to go with me for months but we don't ever have the time. I have a super long list of stuff I want! If I give you the money will you get them for me?"

Katelyn bites her lip rather hard then, like she almost let a 'please' slip, and Andrew doesn't try to think about the consideration. Katelyn clasps her hands together instead, like a plea.

Andrew figures the only reason her forehead isn't on the floor is because she knows better than to have any faith in a boys' dorm room.

"Whoa, whoa," Neil says, raising his hands in the face of Katelyn's puppy eyes. "I'm not going--"

The puppy eyes turn into those of a Rottweiler. Andrew doesn't know why all his previous judgements are being so twisted on this mediocre Thursday night, but whatever.

"Neil," Katelyn breathes, patience tested. "It's the happiest place on Earth."

Andrew's eyes flit to Neil's, communicating the same thing: bullshit.

Neil's confused expression falls into downright boredom, watching Andrew swirl the remains of his dessert. "Katelyn, I don't know how to tell you this, but I actually don't care."

Aaron wheezes at the same time Katelyn deflates.

"Josten--"

"B-but..." Katelyn turns her shining eyes on Aaron, cutting off his warning like a shiv. Andrew almost doesn't want to watch his brother be this pathetic. "Aren't I right, babe? Neil just has to experience it, he has to!"

Andrew hears Kevin open a bag of chips.

"I--um," Aaron tries, glancing between Neil and Katelyn's pout. It takes him about...two attempts to make words. "Yeah Josten, you have to."

"Wow," Kevin mutters, off to the side.

Neil glares at Aaron's weakness, but he had to know Aaron would be useless from the start. Aaron can't say no to his girlfriend.

What a loser.

"Katelyn, I'm not going," Neil tries again, dutifully not looking at the Disney-vomit backpack Katelyn keeps inching closer to him. "Andrew and I are just stopping by to drop off paperwork for one of Kevin's new recruits and that's it."

Kevin takes a deep breath, like he remembers he started this argument in the first place, but is cut off by Katelyn's backpack hitting the floor.

Neil is the only one who seems to take it as a threat, and he holds up a hand for Kevin to shut up. Now, Andrew knows most mafia movies are unrealistic and stupid, but he thinks he's had enough actual exposure to make a good guess.

This feels like some kind of standoff between two troublesome redheads, and he meets Aaron's confused stare with his blank one.

He wishes everyone would get out of his dorm.

"Okay, I get it," Katelyn says slowly, words spaced out by deep breaths for effect. Andrew would think she's a theater major, not biology. Neil watches Katelyn's hands fold in front of her, eyes hard. "I didn't want to have to do this."

Neil quirks a brow, somewhat amused.

"Neil."

"Katelyn."

"You owe me," she says, and the room freezes. Owe. Haha. That's a very dangerous word to toss around in the presence of Andrew Minyard, especially concerning his boyfriend who he's sworn to protect. Andrew turns on her with a frown, but she's undeterred by his ominous stance, fixed solely on Neil. "From the time. With the thing."

Katelyn flips her wrist back and forth then, an almost meaningless gesture, and no one knows what she's talking about

Except for Neil.

The striker's face goes red, and Andrew chooses then to squeeze the back of his neck tighter. Neil's not panicking, Andrew knows, but it's an instinct. Katelyn's smug smile is starting to piss him off, and he shakes Neil sharply.

"Neil," he says, voice even despite the tension in his limbs. "What--"

"We're going to fucking Disneyland," Neil says with a groan, slumping into the edge of the beanbag chair. He looks far from distressed, more...like he's been bested.

Katelyn cheers, jumping up to hug Aaron, who still has no idea what's going on.

Same.

"I'll get my list ready!" Katelyn rips out her science notebook, nearly tearing some neatly written equations. Not that she cares, in the moment. "Oh Neil, you're the best!"

Andrew drags Neil by the chin until their gazes meet, and Andrew hates when Neil looks sheepish. It means he's up to no good. "Neil, she can't force you to--"

"She's not forcing me," Neil sighs, tugging Andrew's sleeve until he lets their fingers link together. Neil's smile is rueful as he slots his eyes over to where Katelyn is scribbling on her homework, and he makes sure no one is watching when he slides Andrew's hand against his cheek. "Trust me when I say...I made the bed I'm about to lie in. I honor my deals too. Okay?"

Neil is such a problem, because he knows Andrew too well. He grinds his teeth, but he comes up with no argument. It's Katelyn, so it's not like the deal Neil made is anything life threatening or degrading, but Andrew's curiosity is annoying regardless.

Maybe when his pride dies down a little, he'll ask.

"Whatever you say," he scoffs, but keeps Neil's hand tucked against his side. "I still didn't agree to--"

Andrew looks down to where Neil fiddles with his shackle bracelet, still shining around his wrist because of how well the striker takes care of it. Neil tilts his head, and oh, oh no.

Andrew glares at the offending gift, given by his own hands and delicately tied around Neil's wrist. If he knew it would be this much of a weakness, he would've thrown it in the ocean.

"Andrew?" Neil asks, squeezing his hand, and Andrew doesn't know what to do other than curse Katelyn, himself, and then Walt Disney.

"I hate you," he mutters, and Neil's all too happy to hear it.

It takes Andrew about five minutes or so to determine that Jean Moreau is in love with Jeremy Knox.

It takes even less time for Andrew to decide he doesn't give a fuck. In fact, Andrew's not sure why he notices in the first place. He doesn't care about those things, but maybe it's just that they're so obvious, Andrew's can't help but pick up on it.

The long glances, the way Jeremy keeps reaching up to fix the stupid headband on Jean's head...

Gross.

The landscape in Andrew's mind has a tremble in it today, so there's no way for him to tell for sure why the two of them are so apparent to him. The air around him gives him a lot of things to linger on; disjointed laughter, cheery music, and less upsetting, the smell of fried desserts. It ties a rope around his brain and leads him in different directions, leaving only Neil as his weight. No wonder the Jean Moreau shitshow managed to slip in there somewhere.

Andrew doesn't even have the energy to be annoyed at that, at his inability to reign himself in and decide what to cast aside or focus on. His gaze scans the massive crowd in front of him, behind him, painfully aware that he's surrounded.

That Neil is surrounded.

He sighs, and the sound makes his boyfriend flinch in relief. Like he forgot Andrew was there, and is now all too happy that he is.

Calm down, junkie.

Andrew's fingers itch for a cigarette, but that ship had sailed as soon as he stepped through the Disneyland entrance. He thinks this, but he's actually not particularly anxious. He's not Neil, who needs to know all the quickest ways out of a place and who takes a large crowd as an invitation to slip in and disappear.

That's mostly where the itch comes from, Andrew realizes with only some irritation; he's hyper-aware of Neil, and all his reactions. The striker keeps glancing around at the streams of people, the bright colors and signs inviting them to a landscape with no laws or reason.

It should be everything Neil hates, and Andrew watches his blue eyes trace the cobblestone and directories.

"Beautiful isn't it!" Jeremy gestures to the road leading up to main street, and some of the tension in Jean's shoulders notably dissipates. "Did you know Disneyland brings in an average of--"

"50,000 people a day," Jean deadpans, as if the thought still makes him queasy. He gets a genuine laugh out of Jeremy for it, so Andrew guesses that was the point all along.

Andrew remembers everything, and he did not need that useless fact. But alas, now it's stuck.

Neil's body is surprisingly still beside him. Calm.

Andrew pauses, waiting for Neil to show some sign that he can't handle this. It's not a reflection of any kind of weakness Andrew thinks he has, he simply knows that sometimes Neil pushes himself where he shouldn't. Andrew considers this a loophole in their non-finalized deal. He lets Neil fight his own battles, but Andrew is not afraid to step in and put a stop to the ones Neil doesn't know he's in.

But, to Andrew's unintentional relief, Neil doesn't look two seconds from a panic attack. The striker’s face settles into a deadpan expression, a habit stolen from Andrew himself. There's no tremble, or fidgeting, or sign to tell Andrew to drag Neil back to their hotel and hole him up there.

Neil simply looks fucking done, and Andrew couldn't agree more.

Their unfortunate companions are there to remind them it's only the beginning.

"Oh my god, what should we do first?" Jeremy Knox babbles, stupid Mickey ears on his head, and Andrew watches with only some amusement as Neil leans back an inch in fear. The striker never did know what to do with genuinely happy people. Katelyn, he's come to understand based on the things they have in common. Their protective instincts and tempers ghost over her sheltered lifestyle and talkativeness, though Andrew still doesn't get how Neil stands her. Renee he simply hadn't trusted; Neil had seen the darkness beneath the smiles, but in time, he'd come to trust and value her as well.

Jeremy Knox is a different story, and currently even Andrew doesn't know how to feel about him. Such optimism and ignorance to the real world are things Andrew would normally write off in a person, but there's something swimming beneath the surface in Jeremy Knox's eyes that has him rethinking.

In short, Andrew gets the vibe that if pushed far enough, Jeremy Knox might actually have the capacity to snap over Disneyland. Disneyland.

That kind of madness is something Andrew can't help but recognize in people, and he keeps an eye on Neil as a result. He should've known; who gets custom Disney ears the color of their fucking school?

"Uh..." Neil tries, but he's apparently speechless. Andrew reaches down to tug on Neil's belt loop, and he won't ever say it's out of comfort. Neil takes it like one though, scooting closer, and the urge for nicotine is less powerful for a moment.

There's no avoiding it, and he despises feeling trapped. They're going to have to spend their whole day here. It really isn't their kind of place, but Andrew has not right to wonder how they got roped into this.

Andrew glares at Neil’s bag. He didn’t bring it for them.

That's why they're here, because Neil has a two-page souvenir list in his backpack courtesy of Aaron's girlfriend.

Andrew's scowl returns at the memory, and he turns it on Jean.

Just because.

"Jean, what's your favorite ride?" Jeremy asks, eyes shining. Neither Andrew nor Neil asked for the recommendation.

"Indiana Jones," Jean answers, seemingly without thinking too hard on it, and his eyes shine when Jeremy beams.

"Mine too!"

Gag.

Andrew's opinion of Jean Moreau has not improved over the past year. Andrew promised Neil he wouldn't confront the man while they were actually at the park, but it's a talk Andrew will eventually have if he has anything to say about it.

He's different though, that much Andrew can tell. The backliner still curls in on himself, making himself as small as can be despite his height. The tattooed '3' is dark against his pale skin, but the sun has taken out some of the starkness. Jean always keeps his hands in front of himself, as if ready to guard against an attack, but his shoulders are less stiff around his new team.

They're observations, nothing more. Andrew couldn't care less about Jean Moreau's life or happiness. It's all his own to deal with, but Andrew cannot ignore the changes, since they mirror Neil's own.

Speaking of Neil...

He's still trying to find a polite way of telling Jeremy he has zero clue about what Disneyland has to offer, and Andrew notes that Neil must've sensed it too: Jeremy's batshit opinion about this place. Otherwise Neil would never hold back the usual bluntness.

Andrew would pay to see it.

Jean tugs one of Jeremy's Mickey ears, gesturing to the entrance. "The girls are here."

Neil's demeanor breathes a little when he sees Laila and Alvarez approaching; he likes them, and even Andrew knows they're not nearly as annoying as their teammates. They're walking hand in hand, the same Trojan ears glistening on their heads.

What is it with these people?

Andrew lets the greetings fall into the background, but can't say he feels awful when Laila cracks some dumb Exy pun, making the edge of Neil's lips twitch in a smile.

Another thing the girls have to offer: they seem to know when Jeremy is about to launch into another tirade.

"Jeremy cool it," Alvarez says, holding Jeremy back by the hoodie before he can get anywhere further into Neil's bubble. "Neil's not going to remember everything about all the different sections, just let him explore."

For a split second, Jeremy's face scrunches up, like he ate something foul. "He needs to know not to go to....that place."

Laila rolls her eyes. "You mean Star Wars--"

"Stop."

Laila turns her aggravated stare on her girlfriend, but all Alvarez offers is a shrug. "He's right."

Neil turns to Andrew as if he'll understand, but he does not.

Jeremy's eyes flit around the park to all the decorations, the crowd a sea of Mickey ears, planning out where to drag them. And the rest of them allow it. Team dynamics don't interest Andrew much, but they're not following Jeremy out of fear. They're treating this journey, along with Jeremy's eccentricities, as inevitable and maybe even endearing.

Andrew wants to leave.

Then Jeremy gasps, staring down at his empty hands. "Neil, you and Andrew have never been here right? Maybe I should've gotten you a map, for the experience, you know?" Then Jeremy tilts his head up, in that haughty way Kevin might after lecturing them on an exy skill he acquired. "It's fine though, I know where everything is. You're in good hands!"

Andrew seriously doubts that.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Jeremy says, plopping his giant backpack on the floor. Andrew wonders if he packed for the possibility of them being stuck there for eternity. It's a gift for Jeremy Knox to be able to make Andrew's day that much worse. He pulls out two custom sets of ears from his backpack, styled in white and orange. Palmetto colors.

No.

"You guys can match," Jeremy says with a wink, and Neil looks torn. On one hand they're orange, on the other hand they're absurd.

But of course, Neil's obsession wins over, and he grabs for a pair of ears without hesitation.

Andrew can't.

"I'm not wearing those," Andrew states, uncaring of how the rest of them flinch. Neil's the only one not surprised, but he's giving Andrew that face, and Andrew has to hold himself back from telling Neil to stop.

We're in public, control yourself.

But Neil just sighs, fixing the ears to his head. They clash with Neil's reddish-brown hair, bright and sparkly.

Andrew hates being gay.

He ignores Jean's glare as Jeremy holds the other pair of ears to his chest. More evidence, Andrew realizes, and the pathetic kind too. Jean can't stand the thought of someone hurting his not-boyfriend's feelings.

"O-oh," Jeremy says, but his smile is back, undeterred. He spins to face Neil, who miraculously, doesn't flinch. "Well, I guess I'll wear them then! Neil, you and I can match! I don't want you to be alon--"

The stream of consciousness in Andrew's head comes to a jarring halt, tires screeching.

Unacceptable, absolutely not. He doesn't even have a moment to think about why, or stop himself from being so ridiculous.

He snatches the ears from Jeremy's hands and puts them on, refusing to meet Neil's smug stare.

"Shut up."

And thankfully, Neil does, but others do not.

"He's as bad as you babe," Laila whispers behind him, and he practically feels the heat radiating off Alvarez.

"Can it."

Andrew catches Jean's sigh of relief in his peripheral, and isn't quite sure why he agreed to not kill him in the happiest place on Earth.

"You guys look great!" Jeremy comments, but Andrew is already walking ahead, eager to be anywhere else.

That, and he's pretty sure the churros are this way.

Neil keeps up with him easily, given his strong legs, even knowing Andrew is deliberately trying to not look at him. Neil's gaze is a warm, affectionate thing, one Andrew will never be used to. Neil's so distracted, he almost trips, and Andrew hooks his arm around Neil's waist to right him. They're connected for merely a second, but Andrew's arm feels like it's on fire.

"Focus," he growls, but Neil doesn't take it as a threat. He never does.

"Mm, I can't," Neil says. "I like them. I like them on you."

"They're hideous."

"So our uniforms are hideous?"

"Yes."

They reach the churros, and Neil buys him three.

Jeremy starts to babble again as Andrew digs in, and Andrew can't help but notice he buys Jean one without being asked. The ex-Raven doesn't look super pleased with the sweetness, but he eats it anyways.

And throughout all the chatter, Jean won't stop staring right at Jeremy.

Why does Andrew keep noticing? He might just be able to blame Katelyn for that too.

Ever since he picked her up from Eden's, she's been responsible for a lot of unacceptable thoughts in his head. All because of one, stupid line of reasoning.

"I know, I know a lot of people use the word and they don't mean it, or they don't act like it but...that's on them. That's not real love, the actual thing, the definition. Just because people use the word incorrectly doesn't mean the feeling isn't real."

Real love. Already, there's so many things wrong with that phrase. Katelyn doesn't see it as subjective, Andrew doesn't see it as anything at all. Devotion, protective, consideration...they are all things people would perhaps put towards the definition, but they neglect the absences as well. Absence of hurt, of blame, of judgement.

That's the half so many people don't get right, and even if they do, Andrew cannot see how it could be wrapped up in a word.

He watches Jean sigh and lean into Jeremy's sphere, and thinks of how his brother looks at Katelyn. It's eerily similar.

Andrew would not use the word love normally, so he reaches in to pluck Katelyn's idiotic definition out from the past to see if it applies. The pretty parts are there; Jeremy is constantly aware of Jean's presence, careful to steer him to the edges of crowds, to check if he's alright. On the opposite end of things, Jean just looks like he'd burn the so called happiest place on Earth to the ground if it meant being able to listen to Jeremy's prattle.

He's not willing to analyze much more than that, not with Neil by his side. It puts pressure on the stone in him, dropped there by Katelyn that night at Eden's and steadily growing with every moment he spends around his boyfriend.

"I think we should definitely go on Indy though," Jeremy says, leaning in to take a bite of Jean's churro. It's so stupidly romantic Andrew wants to vomit. "I want to see Jean get scared again!"

The girls smirk, though a minute later Alvarez is teasing Laila just the same. Jean's face is colored red, not with shame, but innocent embarrassment. Not becoming of a Raven, but then again, Jean never wanted to be one.

"I was not scared, I had never been on the ride before!" Jean crosses his arms, and his teammates look at him in the way the Foxes look at Neil. Complete adoration.

"It scared him to death," Jeremy says to Andrew and Neil, trying very poorly to whisper.

And, without breaking eye contact with Jean, Andrew says: "If only."

Because really, if only.

Jean's the only one besides Neil who takes the statement as intended, as in completely seriously. The backliner's face goes white, staring at Andrew and waiting for it to be a joke. He has to know deep down it's not.

Jeremy holds his stomach from how hard he's laughing. "Ha! You're a riot Andrew," he wheezes, and Neil regards him as neutrally as he can. It's hard, when Jeremy sounds like a dying seagull.

Andrew pulls out his phone, avoiding Neil's gaze. Technically, he only promised not to physically confront Jean at Disneyland, nothing else. "That's me, comedy king."

Without looking up, Andrew opens his notes app and sidesteps Jeremy until he's closer to Jean. He has no qualms about calmly typing out the words 'I despise you' before showing it to him.

Honestly, no other Raven is this easy to read, but Andrew supposes it has more to do with Jean's complete revival than anything else.

Jean reads the message, blinks, looks at Neil as if to confirm his suspicions, and then nods slowly.

Well, now he knows. It'll be a good way to put a pin in things for now.

When Andrew walks back over to his churro holder (see: Neil), the redhead is shaking his head, grin way fonder than it should be.

It takes around fifteen minutes for them to ditch the group, and for Andrew to stuff his pair of ears into Neil's backpack to never see the light of day again.

It's absurdly easy, they barely have to duck into the crowd or put their heads down. Despite Jeremy's insistence that Andrew and Neil see all there is to see, he'd hardly taken his eyes off Jean. In fact, the two are so engrossed in each other they barely notice the girls, who seem to weirdly not mind.

Jeremy is the talker, and Jean is only too happy to go along with it, soaking in every nonsense opinion even when he seems to not understand the relevance or importance. Andrew wonders if this so called 'love' truly makes people that uncaring, but then again, he knows it does. He's watched his brother fawn over every dumb little detail of Katelyn's life. Once, she'd gone on a ten minute tangent about her colored pencil coordinated note taking system. Aaron had been fascinated, not because he cared about the content of the words, but because of Katelyn herself.

Andrew doesn't understand, but his mind conjures up the image of Neil peeking over the top of a bus seat, the hours floating by.

They find a good spot to sit down on Main Street near the castle, perfect for the people watching Neil likes to do. Andrew's on his third churro with a fourth lined up, and if Neil's wallet is crying about it, he doesn't seem to mind. The striker's legs dangle lazily from the bench they're on, swinging in time with the cheery music blaring through the speakers. Andrew brought him here to escape the crowd; Neil always preferred to watch, to catalogue the different types of people. Disneyland, at the very least, should have an interesting variety for Neil to judge and pick apart for the nonsensical survival guide in his head.

Page ninety-two: signs of regret-filled parents. That's how Andrew would guess it's organized.

But no, Neil's staring right at him. Andrew could feel it mid chew, the striker's gaze penetrating and brighter than any of the thousand balloons he's seen flying around.

Andrew managed to hold out for about half a churro, no longer, before giving in.

Neil's triumphant smile is an indication he was all too aware of the game.

"Are they good?" Neil asks, and it's enough to make Andrew pause. He watches the way Neil adjusts those stupid ears on his head, the way he licks his lips to mimic the place Andrew assuredly has sugar on his own.

Rather than answer, and before he does something stupid, he shoves the end of the churro into Neil's mouth. It's not an uncommon occurrence.

Neil barely yelps before dutifully taking a bite. Andrew waits for the usual scrunch of his nose, the disgust at the sweetness. Still, Neil will never refuse something Andrew offers him.

"Not bad," Neil says, chewing slow. There's sugar on his lips now too, and Andrew realizes he made an error. "Still too much sugar."

Unheard of. There's no such thing.

With a scoff, Andrew wipes the excess sugar off Neil's lips with his thumb. "You disgust me, Josten."

It doesn't sound as convincing as it used to, and Neil's triumphant smile only grows wider. Only then does he sigh and lean back, staring into the sea of people who love wasting money. Andrew will never get the fascination.

There's a good distance between them on the bench which Neil hasn't tried to close, and won't until Andrew says otherwise. Andrew's not in the mood to feel his weight, not today. It wasn't brought on by anything specific, but Neil abides like he always does.

Neil doesn't seem any less content.

"I can't believe they haven't noticed we're gone," the redhead says, far from disappointed. The relief is something Andrew can relate to. It's been about an hour, and they've done nothing, but Andrew knows he's having a better time this way.

The last thing he wants is to watch Jean and Jeremy obliviously flirt and fawn over one another with no outlet. Andrew's not sure if they'd be worse if they were actually dating, and part of him considers just dropping the bomb on them to ruin any kind of movie moment they might have at this godforsaken place.

"I can," Andrew mutters, but doesn't elaborate. He's sure Neil hasn't actually noticed the pining, not with Andrew nearby, and certainly not with everything else going on. He doesn't need to know, because then they might have to talk about it.

Andrew doesn't have all the words for that yet.

Neil hums, interpreting the words in his own way. "Jean does seem...better. I guess he would be more focused on his friends. At least now Kevin will stop complaining, I'll get to tell him Jean's doing just great."

The topic of Jean Moreau isn't much better.

He's not able to keep all of his glower locked down, and he ends up making a passing school teacher flinch. "I don't care how he is," he says through his teeth, and Neil stiffens.

Yeah, wrong thing to bring up. Not as bad as the times Neil will drop his mother into conversation, but not good regardless.

Neil sighs, fiddling with his bracelet again. It's what he does when he wants to touch Andrew but won't. "Andrew, Jean is--"

Andrew turns the intensity of his stare on Neil. They've had this talk before, and he's not trying to bring it up again. Contrary to what other people may believe, he's not adverse to having difficult conversations with Neil. Arguments, even.

They happen, but...

There's something about it; Andrew won't say it's comfortable, but he simply knows it won't change anything. He and Neil disagree sometimes, but it seldom turns into a screaming match or the silent treatment. More often than not, Andrew's willing to keep coming back to a topic if it means they reach a compromise. He doesn't yield that way for anyone else, but Neil doesn't make it feel like submission or defeat. It's why it doesn't make Andrew nearly as antsy as he originally believed it would, when they started their this. For them, it's problem-solving.

This however...this is one thing Andrew can't excuse. Not yet, maybe not ever. They keep having to step away.

"Don't," Andrew says. Neil's eyes hold no fear, and they shouldn't. Andrew's not saying it unkindly, it's the truth. "Whatever you say will not change my mind. Not with this."

Not when it comes to people hurting what's mine.

Andrew's hands curl into the edge of the bench, the splitting wood a comfort. He's strong, his hands have the power to kill, to fend off. Why that's so important in this moment...

When Neil still doesn't look like he understands, Andrew reaches forward to flick the shackle pendant around his wrist, almost on instinct.

And well, guess it's become a weakness for them both.

Neil sighs, and bites his tongue in a rare show of restraint. The striker keeps back every counterpoint and argument, which he surely has handfuls of, and puffs out his cheeks. Any other moment it would be...maybe not so annoying.

But not cute.

Some of the trembling in Andrew's frame leaves; he's not dumb enough to think this is over, Neil is too stubborn. But for now, the striker accepts it.

Though, not without being infuriating. Neil's gaze pierces him, sticking Andrew to the spot.

"I'm safe with you Andrew," Neil breathes, and Andrew's not willing to acknowledge how Neil quickly aims for the root of the problem. It's a spike through Andrew's chest. Again, Neil races ahead of Andrew's own thought process at the most random times.

So that's it. Andrew thinks. A promise.

It won't happen again. Neil has no way of knowing that, but he wants Andrew to believe it; nothing will hurt Neil so severely again because Andrew won't allow it. Andrew will thrash and bleed before it happens again, but Jean Moreau is a reminder that it can, even when most of the guilt falls on a dead man. There will always be others, lurking in the shadows. Weapons, threats.

But still, with all his paranoia, Andrew can't even tell Neil to be quiet, because to refute such a statement feels wrong in a number of ways. Neil's trust is something he earned.

Andrew hums instead, and refuses to repeat the obvious. Instead, he pushes Neil back by the shoulder, his back hitting the bench and forcing Neil to loosen up.

Better.

"I can't believe a place like this exists," Neil sighs, giving into the calm Andrew lends him. Andrew's not sure if he means it from the perspective of a runaway or not. Disneyland would be an enigma to most people with Neil's past.

"You don't feel happy?" Andrew says with a sneer, taking in the fighting families and crying children. He knows there's equal parts people smiling and having fun, and he's choosing to center himself on the negatives, but he's not in the mood to apply Bee's advice for once.

"Well if I did it would be because of you," Neil says, grin smug from the stare Andrew turns on him. No one needs his sappiness. "But I don't really like that word."

Haha.

Andrew pokes Neil in the leg, more like a jab, and Neil jumps. "Stop stealing my lines."

Neil snorts. "I just meant in terms of this place. Doesn't it feel untrustworthy from the get-go if you advertise your park as the happiest place? It can't actually be."

It's amazing how hard Neil's brain works when it comes to unimportant topics. "Careful, if Jeremy hears you he'll have a meltdown."

"That would be interesting though."

"And potentially homicidal."

Andrew makes a note to bring Kevin if he ever has to return here. Kevin won't be able to keep his distaste hidden, and he'll get to really test the Jeremy Knox theory.

"Have you ever been to an amusement park?" Neil asks a moment later, voice low. Treading lightly.

It's not a particularly bad memory for Andrew though, and he only shrugs. He's no longer shocked about how much he talks to Neil. It's easy, not draining.

"Mostly for school, I wouldn't waste time with the rides," Andrew says, and feels the memory of old dollar bills in his hands. Sometimes he'd be lucky enough for his foster homes to provide him money for food, sometimes not. "Carnivals were easier. I could just go off and find some abandoned corner to smoke or wait it out."

No one ever cared to come looking for him.

Despite his sweet tooth, he seldom had the actual money to spoil himself with the fried foods either. He makes up for that now, obviously.

Speaking of, he wants a frozen lemonade at some point.

Neil's eyes are devoid of pity, but Andrew knows he could quickly turn that understanding gaze into a rage-fueled one if he chose to provide any of the details.

He doesn't. He never enjoyed things like amusement parks, and he doesn't mind either way if Neil does, but part of him is simply at ease, here on this stupid bench.

Neil's protection can't reach back into the past, no matter how badly the striker would like it to.

"Everyone always talked about Disneyland as the best place in the world," Andrew offers instead, waving his hand around. If anything, the sheer size of the park is the most impressive thing about it. The other kids in his classes couldn't let it go; family vacations, dream dates, etc.

The hype around the park never died down no matter how Andrew aged.

Compared to Neil sitting next to him, the park is without.

"And your verdict?" Neil asks anyways, because he tries not to assume when he can.

Andrew's not sure why his heart reacts the way it does to that.

Neil's stupid ears pair with his Palmetto hoodie perfectly, and he looks like the pumpkin Cinderella would've taken to the ball. The fierceness of him isn't softened in the slightest by it though, his vulnerability comes from his eyes, the way all his alarms become inactive in Andrew's presence.

Andrew craves it, this complete, unyielding trust.

He hates how Neil can make any situation interesting.

"It's annoying," Andrew eventually says, rolling up his churro wrapper into a tight ball. He misses the trash can when he tosses it, and ignores the disgruntled stare he gets for it from a park worker. "Not awful."

Neil straightens up, too proud of himself. "Are you saying that because of the churros or because I'm here?"

"Be quiet."

Neil, because his death wish inclination isn't as active today, doesn't point out the non-answer. The striker just hands him money for another churro, though he's considering beignets.

Neil watches the way Andrew stares at the money, seemingly content to allow Andrew this indulgence. "I remember kids talking about it when I was younger. I could never understand why such a crowded place could be so fun. Much less the lines or overpriced food. But..."

Andrew clutches the money tight, but it's a poor substitute for Neil's hand. "But?"

"But well, it's not like I ever got the chance to try it out." Neil gestures to the precise decorations, the ornate buildings, and his eyes flit down the trolley lines like they remind him of a destination far worse. Andrew never asked Neil if he train hopped before. Neil sighs, his nose scrunching from the sweet, candied scents in the air. "Maybe I would've loved it. Then I'd be a lunatic like Jeremy."

It's meant to be a joke, but Andrew understands. That's the strangeness of the unknown. Had things been different, had they been raised like anyone else, there's no telling what they could've been like.

But things weren't different. Andrew isn't foolish enough to reflect on the past with bitterness or entertain what he could've been like if only. The asinine exercise would do nothing for him, for his future.

The future he's coming to anticipate and accept, because Neil also refuses to look back. It's still a globby, hard to see mess right now, but the more days pass with Neil by his side, even it begins to take shape.

But he doesn't have room in his chest to say all that, so instead he tugs on Neil's headband again. Snug.

"You're already wearing the ears," he drawls. As if Neil forgot, his hands fly up to tug on one of the ears, and Andrew is helpless to save the image forever.

"I should probably take them o--"

"No."

Just...no.

It's hard to make Neil blush, but when it happens Andrew makes sure to catalogue it. He watches the color spread on the bridge of the striker's nose, and then Neil laughs, a light and fleeting sound. Andrew hears it over everything else.

Neil turns on the bench, hugging his knees to his chest, and Andrew is moving to face him without thinking about it. "I feel like...if the others were here they'd say we're wasting the opportunity," Neil muses, pursing his lips. "Like we should be going on rides and watching shows."

"That's everyone's problem then," Andrew waves the thought off, tracking Neil's lips. He's not ready for a kiss, but he's warming up to the idea.

But, Neil seldom brings up things pointlessly with him.

"It is," Neil agrees, and Andrew presses his thumb into the crease of his boyfriend's brows. Neil doesn't flinch. "But they might be right. I guess I can't expect to have the same opinions now as I did as a kid on the run. I should at least be able to say, yeah I went to Disneyland slightly more adjusted and I still don't see what the big deal is."

Ah, the point emerges. Andrew will admit...

"You don't seem anxious," Andrew observes, because he expected Neil to be very nervous.

Neil tilts his head, and Andrew has to make him stop doing that. "What?"

Andrew leans back, and Neil follows the touch instinctively before getting a hold of himself. "If you really felt you were wasting time, you'd be all fidgety and irritating."

"I didn't say I felt like I was wasting time, just that I maybe should," Neil sighs. Andrew isn't sure what he means, but he doesn't have time to think about it when Neil's impish grin comes back. "But no, any time I spend with you isn't a waste."

Andrew leans in, slow and insistent, and lets Neil tense in anticipation of a touch, a kiss. Then, Andrew pushes his face away. It's what he deserves, and Neil bites his tongue.

Huffy.

Neil slumps back, but the pouty thing he's doing dampens the scowl. He needs to not spend so much time with Katelyn.

"You've become a sap, rabbit."

And it's dangerous for both of them. Andrew doesn't mean for the words to come out so light, but what's the use in correcting himself?

"I get it from you," Neil shoots back, and oh, now he chooses to read Andrew's mind. At the twitch of Andrew's mouth, Neil smiles, the kind reserved for Andrew and Andrew alone.

Andrew's nerve endings are still a little fuzzy, but he tugs Neil's sleeve until he follows. He brings Neil close enough to feel Andrew's heat, to smell the cinnamon. This works, for now.

And Neil, despite being somewhere people dream of visiting, looks totally focused on him. When he gazes down the trolley lines again, the expression is much more promising.

"Who knows? It might be fun if we went now, with all the foxes," Neil wonders aloud. "Not sure, since I think the closest thing to a ride I've ever been on is a train, and not legally."

Well, there's the train hopping question answered.

But that's it, he supposes. He feels nothing about this place, or any amusement parks for that matter. Even in his tumultuous childhood, he experienced them, never understood the appeal.

Neil's never had the opportunity to try. He's never been able to form an opinion.

Andrew thinks that's at least one aspect of his freedom Neil should have, even if it is something so trivial.

Andrew sighs; what has he gotten himself into?

Neil Josten is a whirlwind of an individual, but he's Andrew's.

That's what Neil would say, without hesitation, every time.

'But I'm yours.'

Andrew really does need a cigarette, but that frozen lemonade will have to do. He stands up, making a show of brushing himself off. He can feel the tilts of Neil's head behind him, for fuck's sake.

"C'mon then," Andrew says, turning around to adjust how crooked Neil's headband is. Another problem he didn't need, but it's too late now. Damn merchandise. When Neil still makes no move to get up, Andrew tugs his bangs. "Let's go on a ride."

Neil's jaw opens and closes, but Andrew is already turning away from him. Neil's fast, he should be able to catch up. "W-wait, are you sure?"

Neil scrambles to his feet, and Andrew can't look directly at him. He's sure there's something bright and shiny swimming in those eyes right now, and that's far too much.

He tries to go through his mind for what he knows about Disneyland, and asks himself if he's in the mood to be up high.

No, not today. Neil has him feeling far too much already.

"I think the Matterhorn is enclosed," he says, in lieu of an explanation, and knows Neil will get the meaning.

Neil grips the straps of his backpack, reigning in the energy as best he can. Andrew wonders when he'll work up the nerve to tell Neil he doesn't have to when it's like this. Even without touch, Andrew promised to take everything Neil had to offer.

He's not sure if Neil can sense the feeling, but his face softens anyways. "Okay...yeah!"

Neil falls in step beside him, and Andrew revises his previous statement with only mild displeasure. He doubts he will ever have enough of this.

The Matterhorn was, what a shocker, a bad idea.

Andrew will never say he tries to make his driving a comfortable experience, but he knows his road raging still would've been a more pleasurable time than being thrown around on that poor excuse for a ride.

The bumpiness of the Matterhorn was also not helped by how tense he was; he felt like a cutting board in a blender, trying to force away the unrealistic thought of Neil flying off the edge and plummeting to his death during the whole two minute affair.

A forty-five minute wait for two minutes of back pain that'll last the rest of the day.

"Well that sucked," Neil says with a wince, stretching out his back slowly. Andrew pointedly looks elsewhere. "Why do people do this for fun? I feel like my spine got ripped out and then put back in the wrong way."

Andrew wants to tell him to stop being so dramatic, but for once Neil's words are accurate.

They tried. No one can say they didn't try.

"Nevermind you were right," Neil says as Andrew orders them a lemonade to share; Neil ignores the glare Andrew gives him for chugging the first half in one go. Neil sighs from the rush of citrus, placing the cold cup to his forehead. "Can we go home?"

"Doubtful, unless you want to walk," Andrew sighs. He retches the lemonade away from Neil, pushing away his grabby hands. An admirable tactic, but fruitless. "I knew carpooling was a stupid move."

"Hey, we take offense to that."

Neil tenses on instinct, like the hypocrite he is. He's so used to being the shadow, the nosy meddler who overhears everything. Andrew would think he's more than deserving of being on the receiving end if he wasn't so annoyed himself.

They turn to find the girls grinning ear to ear, and Andrew notes right away how there's no smiling bundle of 'I love Disney' with them.

Jean and Jeremy are nowhere to be found.

How 'bout that.

Alvarez unlinks her arm from her girlfriend's to ring out her damp shirt; Andrew notices they're soaked from head to toe, sneakers squeaking from their drenched socks. It makes Andrew grimace on the inside; it should feel atrocious, but the girls are beaming.

"So you two do act like a couple," Laila says, and Andrew's not sure he gets what she means. He does decide she's his least favorite of the two though. "I had some doubts."

Andrew couldn't care less about that, but Neil's a different story. Defiantly, Andrew silences his boyfriend before he can even go on his tirade by shoving the lemonade back into his hands.

An acceptable sacrifice; Neil's aware they don't seem like the stereotypical couple, but he hates having his feelings doubted.

He hates it even more when people doubt Andrew's, and Andrew pushes the thought of Katelyn's suspicious expression at Eden's out of his mind.

What other people assume about him is not his problem.

"Why didn't you just buy him his own lemonade?" Alvarez asks, her eyes flicking over Neil's expression. He's calming down, but the aggravation is there. Guess not all the Trojans are oblivious.

Andrew takes the bait for what it is, no energy to be contrary.

"Neil doesn't need that much energy, and he'll drink mine no matter what because he's annoying," Andrew says, and sure enough, he hears the slurp behind him, an alert that Neil basically sucked down the rest of his drink.

One down, several to go.

"It's true, I am," Neil chimes in at that, refreshed. It's then he actually seems to pay attention, scanning the girls from head to toe. "Why are you guys all wet?"

Laila claps a hand over Alvarez's wolfish grin before she can even respond to that, and Andrew is glad. He really didn't want to hear it.

At least Neil would get the joke this time.

"Splash Mountain," Laila replies hastily, like they have any clue what it is. "Horrible build-up, decent pay-off. Jean hates it though so it's the best way to make sure we don't run into them."

At her own words, she checks behind her, like Jeremy Knox can appear at the mere mention of his not-boyfriend.

They probably shouldn't stay in the same place too long.

"Outside Star Wars anyways," Alvarez adds, prying Laila's hand off her mouth for .2 seconds.

"Hush, he'll hear you!"

Then, Alvarez must lick her girlfriend's hand, because the goalie retches away with a disgusted yelp. "Hey! Gross!"

"Wow, you don't love me."

It's punctuated with giggles, and Andrew stuffs his hands in his pockets; why that word decides to plague him today, he's not sure. He wouldn't say the girls act as useless as Katelyn and Aaron do, but their dynamic is still distinct.

Affectionate.

Andrew turns his hard stare at the ground. No, no. It's still not right.

Neil, oblivious to Andrew's plight, squints at the empty space where Jean and Jeremy should be. "Wait...you guys ditched them too? Why?"

"They had the same idea as us," Andrew mutters, but Neil's lightbulb still hasn't gone off.

Laila's grin is as sardonic as it gets. "Ah, so you noticed?"

Andrew doesn't respond. He's steadily reaching his word quota.

Knowing the only chance of Andrew saying anything is by asking himself, Neil turns to him, too searching. "Noticed what?"

And oh, Andrew can't avoid talking about it after all, can he? He's not sure why he doesn't want to, there hasn't been much cause for concern with Neil lately. Not for months. Maybe not ever, but Andrew had been in denial there for a while.

Perhaps Andrew just hates being in this limbo, where he doesn't even know how he feels about a topic yet. It's happened before, but it's no less disconcerting than the other times. The jealousy, the concept of understanding, their first time...

His mind, a traitor, reminds him none of those situations ended horrifically.

"Moreau is in love with his captain," Andrew mutters, and watches the moment Neil blanches. No stopping the floodgates now. "Original."

Something in Neil's gaze twitches. Andrew's hasn't seen the look before, but it's surely not good for him or his pulse. Andrew turns his stare to the ice cream cart in the distance, but his sweet tooth is done for the day.

Another unfortunate reality.

"God, so they really are that bad," Laila groans. "For a second there, we thought it might just be us."

Alvarez scoffs, crossing her arms and putting all her weight on Laila. It must be a common occurrence; Laila huffs, but makes no move to push her away.

"We've been trying to get them together for ages," Alvarez continues, twirling her finger around like a never ending cycle. "We ditch them literally every single time in the hopes they finally have their moment."

Both their expressions fall then, truly defeated. Laila sounds at her wit's end, and Andrew feels little sympathy. "But, no such luck."

Andrew can't even begin to pick apart how uselessly optimistic that is when idiots are concerned, but Alvarez seems to be tracking his every movement for some type of reaction. He should've never said anything, but she'll learn soon enough; he's not an easy read, despite a hot-headed outlier.

Neil blinks at them, a complex math problem with cliche romantic plots instead of numbers. "They're...into each other?"

The look he gets from the girls is similar to the pitying ones he gets from Allison whenever he says something particularly misguided about fashion.

Laila puts her hand on Neil's shoulder, patting him slowly. "Oh Josten, your face right now tells me all I need to know about you."

Then, the double shot of pity is poured right down Andrew's throat.

"You got an oblivious one too huh?" Laila says wryly, and Alvarez chokes.

"Hey."

Andrew won't dignify that with a response, but he figures it's obvious anyways.

Laila snorts, tugging on Alvarez's ear lobe. "But yeah, Jean totally wants to husband Jeremy. It's so painful. Disneyland is supposed to be romantic, but--"

Alvarez finishes the thought with a fart noise. Andrew's not sure why he speaks up, the conversation is so beneath him, and he blames Bee. He never used to talk so much before he realized that it actually helped his mind move down the endless river.

"Movie moments like that will never happen," Andrew says, nothing condescending or dismissive about it. It's the truth; he learned long ago that the grand gestures people expected seldom come to fruition. They could sit Jean and Jeremy at the table for two with violins playing around them and it most likely wouldn't do any good.

People won't do anything until they're ready to acknowledge how they feel, and even then they might not. Andrew never thought that was such a bad thing; shutting down a feeling, weighing the pros and cons of a decision until ultimately trying to be rid of it.

It was better that way.

He knows though, had he never let that go, he wouldn't have Neil next to him.

He also knows Bee would call that a good thing, the release of a way of thinking that he's yet to acknowledge as completely outdated.

None of that realization shows on his face.

"You sure sound fun," Alvarez mutters, but she's smiling in a way Andrew hates.

"Andrew's the funnest person I know," Neil adds, unhelpfully adding to the upbeat of Andrew's heart. If Neil could stop ruining the English language on purpose that would be great.

The girls wait for Neil to reveal it as a joke, but seconds of Neil's blank stare kill any chance of laughter.

No, Neil is completely serious. And maybe he's right, after all the good Trojan captain himself did call Andrew a riot.

Laila purses her lips after a moment. "Right..."

"Anyways, you better get a move on if you don't want to continue enjoying your date," Alvarez says, glancing behind her suspiciously while checking her watch. Laila's hand entangles in her girlfriend's, and Andrew notices the charm bracelet there. He wonders if it's a gift from Alvarez.

He's seen a similar, custom one on Katelyn's wrist for the longest time. He's about to ask himself why people are so obsessed with buying jewelry, before realizing he's in the same boat.

When did he come to permit this?

Ugh. He's not running around that particular race track again. "It's not--"

"We're going to go get drinks in the Star Wars cantina," Alvarez interrupts, hastily beginning to tug her girlfriend in that direction. Guess it's later than she thought. "Jeremy will come this way soon. He has a very specific itinerary."

Of course he does.

"Any...slow ride suggestions?" Neil asks before they go, and Alvarez squeaks when she runs right into Laila's strong back. Neil steadfastly ignores the glare Andrew sends him, though if they do have to go on more rides, Andrew would prefer something smooth.

The Matterhorn can burn.

"There's the storybook ride?" Laila says, pointing behind them down the path. "Or It's a Small World?"

Alvarez huffs. "There's a joke there somewhere..."

Andrew doesn't mean for it to happen, but his memory is a steel trap, with a layer of unpredictability wrapped around it. He can't stop it, can't turn it off. For the briefest of moments it brings him the image of a homely kitchen in California, his fingers tracing the carvings in the table while he watches Cass cook dinner. It smells good; he remembers. Of course he remembers, the dish, the ingredients, down to the stains on the tile and which cabinets were open.

The song Cass hummed from between her lips.

He'd never heard the real song, never cared to look it up online or search up the ride itself. But he knows the name, knows the tune.

"What's that?" Neil asks, and whether he means to or not, his voice pulls Andrew out of it. Not even just that...Neil has a way of firmly planting Andrew in this new reality he's forged and tailored.

For the better, Bee's voice reminds him.

Laila smiles, no doubt connecting the ride to memories of her own. Happier, softer memories. Andrew could have those too, if he wanted. It would just take some revision, overwriting. "It's just a boat ride, and it kills time for sure."

Just a boat ride. That's all.

Neil nods, turning to Andrew while the girls walk away. It's getting later; Andrew can tell by how blue Neil's eyes get, highlighted by the darkness. They're haunting in a way, like the unexplored bottom of the ocean. Horrific things lurk in the depths, but there's something pleasant about them too, calming in their mystery. Maybe because to Andrew, and only Andrew, it's familiar territory. Andrew has never felt that level of ease from something, but Neil's stupid expression is too soft when he speaks. "How about it?"

How about it? Hm.

Andrew looks off into the direction Laila pointed in, debating on if he should put himself through that. Is he ready to put himself through that?

He could take this step, he reasons. He could try to overpower the terrible memory with one of Neil, with the feeling of his weight beside him. Is it worth it? Will it work?

No, he can't think of it like that.

It won't erase anything; Andrew's not so naive to think he will ever be rid of the image in his head, the sound of Cass's voice. But...maybe he could make the crystal clear image blurrier, faded around the edges until his mind wavers, until he can no longer make out the scenes as well as before. Instead, his brain will default to Neil in the future. Whenever he hears the cheery tune, Andrew will think of his stupid headband and sugar-kissed lips.

Stronger, sturdier memories.

He's allowed Neil to implant them before, and it hasn't backfired. The process is not always easy, or without pain, but it's been worth it every time. Andrew sees no reason to mess with a working strategy.

Andrew grabs Neil's wrist, the firmest contact they've had all day, and something in him sighs at the same time Neil does.

He leads the way.

As soon as Andrew hears the tune as they enter the tunnel, he wonders if he made a mistake. Not because of the memory, though that's definitely there. No, it's the tune itself.

The music is loud, repetitive, with no lull. He's not sure how someone can work on this ride and not quit immediately. He should've expected it though, so the blame is on himself. It won't be over anytime soon either. The boat they're in is moving at an agonizing speed, but it's a relief for his back. The slow glide makes him painfully aware of the soreness in his legs, the heaviness of his eyelids.

The spotlights are pointing at the monuments and walls, leaving the riders in the shadows. If Andrew squints, the people in the boats ahead of him look like nothing more than silhouettes for the briefest of moments. Unreal, specters.

The song continues, and Andrew reevaluates. It's too late to get off the ride, and the song might be called fitting; there's a weird eeriness to it, along with the surreal feeling of the park noises being completely blocked out. It's silent, for being so loud, so irritating. But after a while he's sure he'd become numb to it, and then what would be left?

All he can hear other than the singing is the gentle slosh of the water and the occasional hushed voices of the people in front of them. Like the wind. He feels like a ghost on the ride, wispy and drifting in and out of centuries. The tune is ageless, has probably been around for decades, long before Cass started to hum it.

Somehow, it's a comfort. Cass had been insignificant, another way to separate her memory from the ride itself.

Some of the tension leaks out of his shoulders, and having Neil beside him lessens it further. There are two free seat rows in front of them; the line hadn't been too long at this time of day, and Andrew feels an inkling of gratefulness.

It's the closest thing to privacy they've had all day, he realizes, and some of the fuzziness from earlier dissipates. The static in his brain has had time to even and sizzle out; it's taken hours for him to get to this point, but when Neil lets a quiet 'yes or no' pass between them, the answer is easy. Certain.

Andrew pulls Neil against him, and Neil follows it up by entangling their fingers together. He hardly hesitates anymore, doesn't treat the gesture like something with an expiration date. Andrew privately thought it would be the case, but...he's yet to be tired of it.

It's not so rare anymore, holding Neil's hand.

They pass the first display of dancing puppets, just as the song repeats 'it's a small world after all' through the speakers. Andrew can feel Neil's wry smile before he sees it. "It really is a--"

"Finish that joke I'll kill you."

Neil throws his head back in the first sign of genuine joy from a ride, and Andrew thinks this is already better than anything else they'd previously done. It's less intensive, with just enough chaotic energy to appeal to Neil's sense of humor.

They're not the type of people usually caught dead on these kinds of rides, but the creepiness feels warmer than any of the other joyful displays Disneyland had to offer. Neil's laugh echoes off the high ceilings, and he smothers it quickly.

But Andrew's mind remembers, and he plays the cut off sound on a loop far more intense than the tune of the ride itself. He mixes them together, until they can't be pried apart.

When they pass the German section of the song, Neil looks at him expectantly, and the look Andrew gives him is unimpressed. Mischief dances in his boyfriend's eyes anyways, and again, it's not cute. It's not like Andrew is going to suddenly start singing along just because it's in German. Though, Neil's reaction might be worth it.

Neil critiques the lyric translation anyways, like it's not the simplest song to mass produce.

"This isn't so bad," Neil sighs as they pass under another archway to a different section of the very small world. His finger is starting to tap along on the back of Andrew's hand, and he's not sure if he should put an end to it before it gets stuck in Neil's head. Then he'd have to hear Neil humming it over and over, and while not as traumatic, there's only so much Andrew can take.

"Other people would probably call it torture," Andrew says, gesturing to the lifeless faces of the puppets. He wonders if there's any conspiracies about this ride online, he's sure Neil would get some morbid kick out of them.

"Wimps," Neil replies haughtily, and no, Andrew's pulse does not jump. “I’m a torture connoisseur.”

He bastardizes the word so bad Andrew almost feels bad for France. Almost. When did Neil start thinking he was funny?

"That's not even remotely how you say it." Andrew untangles their hands purely for the purpose of flicking Neil's earlobe. Neil grabs for it again as soon as the punishment is doled out.

Junkie. "You speak that language..."

But Andrew's accusations mean nothing to Neil, per usual.

"I'm dumb remember?" Neil reminds with a shrug, and Andrew grits his teeth. He's still unsure how he feels about this; Neil's mind is vast when it comes to a lot of things. Languages, math, world knowledge, how to kill a man, basic things.

But otherwise...the ignorance can be...

Attractive.

Andrew almost gets off the boat from admitting it to himself. Dumb jocks with runner's hearts is a type he guesses, and it happens to be his.

Or, scratch that. Neil can't possibly fall into a group. Had more than one Neil existed, the mafia would've surely met their demise as a whole through a combination of violence and general dumbassery.

"You milk it on purpose," Andrew decides to say, because Neil does. Because no, Neil's far from dumb, he just knows what gets under Andrew's skin.

Neil chooses not to respond to that, predictably.

"It's just not as bad as I expected," Neil continues, leaning his head against Andrew's shoulder. He gives a long sigh, and Andrew's sure it can't be comfortable. As at ease as he is in Neil's presence, there's always a hardness there, a tension coiled in his body. Yet, Neil leans into him like a pillow and seems to cherish the steadiness.

For a while, they just listen to the song.

Andrew's not quite sure if he agrees with the message, but he doesn't care in the moment. He's come to acknowledge lately that he shares quite a bit with other people, much to his chagrin. Though in the grand scheme of things, he's eons away from them all.

Primarily, he doesn't like to think he could replicate this...feeling, whatever it is.

Certainly not enough to assign an overused word to, one stamped onto every relationship like a barcode. 'I love you.'

He's never admired the words when other people used them. Is that fair, he wonders. Does it matter? He's stuck between a rock and a hard place; the need to be contrary itches at him. He shouldn't want to feel that way, shouldn't have to label this feeling as love...

And it doesn't feel right anyways.

He does not want to fit an insincere mold, but he doubts he and Neil ever could. They never have. This would not be so easily destroyed, toppled.

They simply share too much, and Andrew thinks back to his goal of replacing every bad memory with Neil. That's not an accident, or a desperate quick fix. That instinct is there for a reason...

Cass. Funny how his two separate problems seem to come together. Cass is an appropriate example. Andrew knows, better than anyone, that she hadn't loved him in Katelyn's definition, if that's what love even is. If love can be broken down like that, if it's real. Devotion, consideration, loyalty.

Andrew sighs; he can't go that deep into it. It's too much, bogged down by layers and layers of terrible experiences that have only just begun to be pushed aside like weeds. Never ripped out. The roots have taken hold, but they're withering.

Maybe it's because he's so tired of thinking about it that the words come out. He peers down at Neil against him, at the top of his head where the auburn curls are so within reach, and confesses to Neil's crown. He doesn't blame the need to admit things to Neil as influenced by love, it can't possibly be so contained. He just...something pushes him to work this out. "Cass would hum this, every now and again."

Andrew's not sure what he wants the reaction to be, but when Neil responds, Andrew's soul relaxes, so it must be what he needed. Neil goes rigid within an instant, robbed of the peace afforded them. Andrew didn't mean to throw it into their quiet bubble, but he doesn't regret it. These things aren't inconvenient. Andrew gives these pieces of information to Neil now, like he always has. Willingly, and they're received in kind.

Neil shoots up, eyes frantic when they meet Andrew's. He sees so many things in those blue eyes: rage at Cass, concern for Andrew, and things Andrew didn't ask for but will receive for as long as Neil is here. Neil looks frantic, and two seconds away from dragging them as far away from this place as possible.

Neil's voice is a whisper, sharp and desperate. "Why did you--"

Why indeed? Why come on this ride?

Andrew's puts all his boyfriend's worry and guilt into an early grave.

"I hate having her in my brain," he answers, and knows it's not an excuse. Being on this ride is far from traumatic, more therapeutic than anything, but he almost recoils. He's only ever admitted those things aloud, the pent up resentment and anger, in the privacy of Bee's office. Even then, it's pulling teeth. For so long he framed his time with Cass as the only blip of light in his life. But it had come with a price, and Andrew knows now it hadn't been remotely worth it. For so long he tried to protect that outlook, but now he wants it stained, blacked out. He just never knew it would be so hard to blot it out with his own hand.

And if that was not love...

Neil flinches, but Andrew keeps going, daring him to say something. He needs Neil to know he's serious, so he makes it personal, shared. "You're the obnoxious one, telling me to overwrite things all the time. That's what this is."

That's why I'm okay with this. It's you.

Andrew can see the moment Neil remembers; they'd been sitting on the roof, and Neil had asked him to only remember the good things, even if for just a moment. Andrew's not the best at employing this, and sometimes he vehemently denies the ability to do so, but not with this. Not today.

That feeling cannot be replicated; Andrew turns the idea in his head again and again, never getting closer.

But one thing is certain...

Neil's expression softens, and Andrew squeezes his hand before he flicks a look up at the bright orange monstrosity on Neil's head. "Now, this ride will just remind me of how terrible that headband is," he says, and Neil should at least be able to read between those lines. "Nothing else will come first."

I will latch onto you instead. Andrew never wanted that before, to cling to some idealized outlook again. But Neil is not that; Neil is painfully real. Sometimes he misinterprets, other times he keeps too much to himself. But at the end of the day, Andrew trusts him to do whatever it takes to remain by his side for as long as he chooses to be there.

Andrew is the same way; he can't go back to how it was before.

Andrew's not paying attention to the displays around them anymore, but he can feel his mind melding the images and the tune together with Neil's expression. Open, vulnerable, welcome.

Neil sighs a moment later, muscles relaxing. Not once does his hold on Andrew loosen, but he knows better than to pry about Andrew's past. Andrew has made it clear; this moment is not about an old memory.

Neil leans back, moving further into Andrew's space. "Mm, should I say something else annoying, make the moment stronger?"

And ah, back to normal already are we?

Andrew flicks the back of Neil's hand. "You just did."

He'll log that away too, as aggravating as it is.

"Yeah..." Neil breathes out with a laugh, his thumb rubbing small circles into Andrew's skin. Physical touch, muscle memory...Andrew needs all of it for this to work. He gladly focuses on that while Neil thinks; Andrew can tell solely from the crease in his brow the striker has more on his mind.

Neil's not necessarily like Andrew, he won't keep these things to himself for prideful reasons. He needs to let them out, or they will eat him up.

He's bad at hiding it too.

"Hey Andrew," Neil says eventually, and Andrew's ready for the words before they're even in the air between them. He'd been expecting this, dreading it, but not okay with putting it off any longer. He needs Neil's help, unfortunately, to piece it all together. "You said Jean was in love with Jeremy."

One day if life is especially cruel, and Andrew outlives Neil, he will make it his mission to pick the man's brain. Something in that stubborn subconscious always seems to anticipate the winding roads Andrew is currently stuck on, even when Neil actually has zero clue.

He's not so upset by this anymore.

Carefully, Andrew turns Neil's palm over to trace the heart lines. If he put them on a map, would they cross through all the places Neil's been? "I did say that."

And he's been re-thinking about if it's true. Who knows if Jean and Jeremy are actually in love. As much as he likes to compare them to his brother's and Katelyn's nauseating displays, affectionate looks and blushing cheeks can't be all there is to it.

Andrew had been stupid to chalk it up to just that. Not even Katelyn would've. And if that's the case, Andrew might never be convinced of Jeremy and Jean's feelings. Attraction sure, but he doesn't care enough to dig deeper.

There's not an equation to test levels of protectiveness, or comfort, in order to determine an abstract and troublesome thing like love. And why would he need to test his own feelings against such a thing anyways? He knows...he knows this is something he will keep for as long as he can.

"I thought you didn't use that word," Neil offers when Andrew is quiet for too long, debating on the best angle to attack this from. Neil tends to do that, when Andrew himself hasn't figured things out yet. If he poses questions that open up other doors, it clears the mess away. He notes how Neil says 'doesn't use' instead of 'doesn't like' or 'hates,' because it's true. Andrew isn't repulsed by the word, just annoyed with it and all its aspects. He does not get it.

It's like he told Katelyn...

"I don't, but only because it's untrustworthy," Andrew replies, rubbing the back of his neck. He's not making sense, not even to himself. He's simply trying to see if he's open to the idea of throwing out his old opinion, the one where the concept of love is something twisted beyond recognition. Fake. Overly reproduced.

It's far more difficult a feat than simply overwriting a bad memory. This feels more invasive, but Andrew knows he wouldn't be thinking about it if there wasn't something important lodged beneath.

Neil squints, unaware of Andrew's turmoil. "So you were insulting them?"

The game show buzzer in Andrew's head rings; nope, that's not it.

"I was applying Mrs. Minyard's definition..." Andrew tries not to sound too bitter. The whole reason he even let this issue cling to him is because of Katelyn. She's the worst.

"Katelyn?" Neil asks, but doesn't question further after Andrew nods. Andrew assumes he's used to this, and it's entirely likely he's had a similar conversation with Katelyn. Andrew won't think about that either.

Neil nods. "Okay well, do you care if they figure it out?"

Again, Neil strikes out, but it helps Andrew to eliminate the background noise in his head.

"No, it makes no difference to me," he says. He couldn't care less what becomes of Moreau's romantic life. "Though it would be annoying if we have to do this again."

Another forced outing surrounded by dense morons...

Andrew's had to deal with enough obliviousness.

Neil smirks. "You know, Kevin might flip out if they get together."

Ah, another rare pro...

Neil leans away, regarding Andrew like he's taken on a new sleuth role. He rubs his chin too, to add to the drama of it. Maybe Andrew should get him a monocle, if he's going to be this much of a fuck. "So...if you don't care if they realize it, why think about it at all? I'll be honest, I didn't think you'd care about something like this."

Andrew's not quite sure why or if he does either. It doesn't have to be a thing that applies to them, if he doesn't want it to be.

Their this is unique. Andrew had been so resistant to using the word 'love' because it had been spit on and turned to bile, misused by people throughout his life. But in doing so, he ignored the times people used it genuinely. In the past, he would've contested that. He would've said it was never genuine, never earned. The commercialized concept wasn't something he'd let himself have in common with others.

But lately, Andrew finds that having some things in common with certain people isn't reprehensible. And in this case...

Aaron's voice comes barreling through his head, steering Andrew to destinations he couldn't find before. And well, now he knows why his brain can't let go of Aaron and Katelyn as his go to example.

"Our feelings for them are the same."

Yes. Andrew had slowly begun to accept that. Maybe that's why his brain wouldn't write off Katelyn's words so easily.

Begrudgingly, Andrew admits there's a lot more to his brother's relationship than pure affection, even when most of it is behind closed doors. Katelyn had been there through the worst parts of Aaron's college life, and she'd never once judged him or ignored the ugliest bits. Not even when he hated her, could Andrew look past those things. They meet her own definition, and Andrew's simply choosing to extend some trust to his brother. Aaron says he's in love, so Andrew believes him even when he doesn't believe in the feeling's history, in the way it's manipulated.

And well, if his feelings are the same...

Well, he guesses he can try to accept that too.

"I was testing it," Andrew answers, without much struggle. Katelyn's definition, any definition. Andrew looks at Neil straight on then, and the striker's grin fades. Something crosses over those eyes, like for once Andrew is ahead of him. "Love. I think I'm trying to decide if I...want to say it."

If I want to say 'I love you.' If it applies at all.

Not need, but want.

Is it something heavy, or is it something inconsequential?

It feels wrong, but Andrew knows he's reached the crux of his problem. This is where all his restlessness stemmed from, his observations about Jean and Jeremy, about the girls...

It had nothing to do with them, but everything to do with whether or not he'd ever want to have that in common with them.

He'd ignored the fact he most likely already does.

But the words...he never would've bothered before. They don't mean much, other than the weight society has put on them, and Andrew's never cared about that. He doesn't need them to know this is something sturdy in his life, and he doubts Neil needs them either.

It's more...this is another thing life took from them, took from Neil. They've never expected to regain everything; they never feel like life owes them.

It has nothing to do with that. It's just the same as with a lot of other instances; Andrew wants to give these things to Neil, because Neil is his.

Does there have to be some deeper explanation or justification for it? Even if there is, Andrew stops looking for it.

He waves off Neil's shocked expression, and doesn't ponder why it's there in the first place. He's been in the wrong before, assuming he's the only one who thinks about stuff like this. It's possible this has been on Neil's mind too, but that's not the point.

"I don't mean now, or anytime soon," Andrew corrects. No, no. He's not there yet, and it's not like it's some milestone they have to reach. Andrew doesn't like to think it could encompass how he feels, but maybe his biggest issue with this is that...he's not sure he hates the idea of it anymore. The word. One day, he might be able to say it and know it means a lot more than what other people think about it. And that would be enough. "But one day."

The shadows of the displays wash over Neil's expression, and Andrew can't pull anything out of it. Neil stares, hand still curled impossibly tight in Andrew's.

Andrew won't take back anything he said, but Neil's silence is beginning to unnerve him. He could have overstepped he realized, he should've asked for Neil's opinion at some point, weighed it against--

"You know, Aaron talked to me about this once," Neil offers finally. It's not what Andrew's expecting him to say. Then, Neil's face twitches, and Andrew can tell he's...holding back a smile. "That night you picked Katelyn up, we talked about...yeah."

Yeah.

Andrew knows the gist of what happened, Neil filled him in. Guess he didn't reveal all the details though.

Neil's laugh is a breathy, comforting thing this time. "He made me think about it. He asked if I loved you."

Neil smiles wryly, an expression he's begun to pair with Aaron lately. It's not a glare or scowl nearly as much anymore.

Andrew stills, but relaxes in the next second. They'd both been subject to the same thoughts after all, Andrew just didn't realize how similar the sources were. Aaron and Katelyn are menaces, and they don't even realize it.

Andrew doesn't feel nervous, or anxious. The way Neil feels about him is obnoxiously stone-like and unmovable at this point, as much as Andrew still sometimes tries to act like it's not. Neil won't say anything to make him doubt that.

"I said I did," Neil continues, like it's obvious. Andrew's pulse hiccups a little anyways. Stupid. "But I didn't know if I ever wanted to say it to you. It's more like...well obviously I do feel that way right? In the whatever—traditional sense."

Traditional. Ha.

He's not sure even Katelyn's definition is truly traditional in its selflessness.

Neil clears his throat, palm clammy in Andrew's own. Second by second, Andrew feels lighter. Neil's rambling is a strange salve, one more thing they have in common. Too much thinking, when the answer doesn't have to be so complex. Neil tries to glance away, but Andrew grabs his chin, keeping them face to face. He wants to have all this forever, every expression, every blink.

Neil swallows, but his smile stays, making a liar out of him before the words even leave his mouth. "But one word doesn't seem like enough, and if we did say it wouldn't it just be for other people's satisfaction? I don't need it to know you feel the same way..."

Andrew shakes his head in disbelief. Neil. Only Neil would expect that from Andrew. Andrew's mind exhales.

The convoluted mess of words echoes Andrew's own thoughts throughout the day, but it's never sounded clearer. No, it's true, one word will never be enough, but Andrew thinks if he could come to associate the word, the phrase, with this feeling, unique to them...

It wouldn't be so damaged anymore.

It would still be theirs, and no one else's. He'd have his own definition, to overwrite the rest.

"But even then..." Neil adds, quietly, his voice dancing with the song still playing around them. The lyrics are in English again, and Andrew knows the ride will end soon. Cass is barely a blip in his mind now, compared to Neil's words, the ones which mirror Andrew's. "I still thought it might be nice, one day, to say it. That doesn't make sense, does it?"

Logically no. All the contradictions, the back and forth...feelings are a strange thing and that's one reason Andrew's always hated them. There's no rhyme or reason, and there's two sides to each one. All justification is ruled out by one thing and one thing alone: 'I still want to.'

And in that sense, Neil's words make perfect sense.

But he can't confess all that; instead he cups Neil's face in his hands, smoothing over the scars like he always does. The roughness is a constant, familiar. "I hate you," he says, with no heat. It makes both of them blink, and Andrew realizes it's been a while since he said it. That too, has changed. But in this case, he thinks it's more than fair. He's feeling more than he possibly knows what to do with. "Yes or no?"

The fact he asks makes Neil snort; it's nostalgic, because...they don't ask as much these days. But Neil's 'yes' echoes loud and clear as they pass under the final archway, and for the first time all day, their lips meet. Neil sighs into him, his hands coming up to rest over Andrew's, breathing in the unspoken promise.

Nothing was decided, nothing fleshed out. But it didn't have to be.

One day, maybe.

They're both more than okay with that. Besides, Andrew did always say proof meant more than words.

And he has mountains of it to last in the meantime.

With only a little annoyance, Andrew admits he fell into the trap without meaning to; they shared a kiss at Disneyland.

Andrew pulls away as the sunlight begins to pour over them, and he squints, already missing the ride. Quiet it was not, but not as bad as the sounds and size of the crowd. If he ever does have to come back, he knows it will be a place to stop.

It makes him think of Neil, first and foremost, and he's long since stopped denying himself that.

Neil tries to help Andrew out of the boat, but Andrew swats him away for being a shit. He doesn't need help. As revenge, Neil smirks at him once they're walking down the exit path, adjusting his ears just to be even more irritating. Not cute. "Wait, so this means you admit Katelyn and Aaron are in love. Can I tell them?"

Andrew rolls his eyes, and Neil laughs. He'll never live that one down, and if Neil wants to survive he'll keep it to himself.

Mockery aside, Neil links their hands together, and Andrew pushes his face away before accepting the touch. Neil hasn't stopped smiling.

"Something to say Neil?" He says with a glare, and though he knows it's a joke at best, it makes that obnoxious warmth in him surge.

Neil smiles wider, dragging Andrew down the path with no idea where he's going. Andrew lets him.

"No," Neil throws behind him, humor lacing his tone. Gradually, the corner of Andrew's mouth twitches. "Not at all."

"Andrew! Neil!" Jeremy's voice booms from across the pavilion, and they both freeze in their analysis of where the best hiding spot would be in the entire park (Andrew is making a case for Toontown, but puts a pin in it).

Their time alone is officially over.

"Shit," Neil mutters, hand still linked in Andrew's. Normally at the sight of people they know, he'd pull away for Andrew's comfort, but Andrew keeps his grip firm.

He wants this today. Neil beams, sighing at the rest of the group's advance. It must be twice as sad now, since Neil knows.

Jeremy and Jean follow with the girls in tow, and as they get closer Andrew can see Laila's resigned smile. She and Alvarez have been caught too, despite their best efforts, and Andrew can tell nothing has changed.

The 'magical moment' they'd tried to pull out of Jean and Jeremy didn't happen, just like Andrew knew it wouldn't. Regardless, they're as hopeless as ever.

Jean trails close after Jeremy, eyes scanning his strong back while Jeremy keeps looking to make sure he's following. They're still dancing around one another, oblivious, but that's their own problem to sort out.

Still...there's a shift in Jean's features that wasn't there before, and Andrew is all too happy to wither it away with a glare.

He's accepting, not forgiving.

Whatever realizations Jean came to today have no other impact on Andrew other than an urge to get as far away as possible from it.

But there's hours to go.

Hours more to go, with Neil's hand in his. The striker throws a knowing grin back at him before pulling him forward, probably dead set on meddling as much as possible.

With the promise of 'one day' still fizzing strong in his chest, Andrew follows.

There's no more memories of this place to overwrite, so he has no choice but to crack open the door a little for some new ones.

That, at least, he can handle.

#andreil #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten

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cravingcrazewriting · 5 years ago

Text

Hard To Understand {Treebros}

English was a hard language to learn.

Okay, that was an understatement, but when you speak German, already a hard enough language for English speakers to comprehend, they expected you to pull the weight.

Which Evan thought was dumb, but whatever.

The point was that he was in a sort of messy apartment with a single mother who was letting him stay with him, because she was apart of the foster care system and always wanted a kid of her own. She was the most fluent in German and despite having a busy schedule, still would have time for Evan.

He didn't ask why she didn't have any children. He knew better to get into her personal life like that. But he did know was that she was getting remarried to some guy named Paul Heere, who was trying to learn German for Evan's sake. He even had a son himself, named Jeremy or something.

Evan doubted he'd get adopted, because he'd recently just turned seventeen and was nearly an adult. He couldn't be on his own till he was eighteen, though.

Heidi drove him to his first day, which was in the middle of the school year, and that alone made him uncomfortable. She talked to him mainly through German all throughout the car ride, talking about how she wished he'd make new friends and that he'd have a good day.

Evan didn't think either of those options were probable, but he didn't tell Heidi that.

Inside the school, he had to rely on the four years of English knowledge he'd gathered (he wasn't fluent by a long shot) to get his schedule.

"Don't worry, your teachers know you're new so don't fret if you're late," the secretary had told him while handing him a generic schedule that of course, was in English.

He managed to make out that his first period was 'Government', which okay, he supposed he'd have to learn about how the U.S. government works, so it should be interesting.

But Government was a lot harder to understand than Evan gave credit for. It was in general just complicated and had certain regulations he had to follow. Like the draft, for instance, but Evan wasn't a U.S. citizen, didn't know if he'd actually become one, or if Heidi and Paul were willing to adopt him. He had a lot of questions but was too nervous to ask them, so he spent the rest of his first period translating his schedule.

His next class was accounting, which wouldn't be so hard if he didn't have to translate every word problem on his sheet. He'd seriously had been hoping the teacher would at the very least help make sure his translations were correct, but no, they just gave Evan the sheet and went on their way.

The whole day was a hassle, to say the least, and a lot of it was wasted by translating stuff that the teachers should've previously had done for him.

Jared was apparently the son of Heidi's friend, who'd asked him to hang out with Evan. That didn't exactly happen. Jared said hello, that he'd help him to get his mom off of his back, and said some type of insult at a long haired teen walking to presumably a lunch table.

The poor guy was tall and skinny, but that didn't mean he didn't have any form of muscle on him. He had a slight build on him, with long, curly brunette hair waving all around his shoulders. Everything about him was sharp, his face, his eyes, even the shape of his body, but was covered by a soft hoodie, trench coat, and ripped jeans.

Evan could decipher a good majority of what he was saying. He was asking Jared if he wasn't... being funny enough? No, that did not make sense, especially with the angry expression the latter was holding. It was something about a joke, but that was all he got.

Before Jared walked off, he called the guy a freak. Which well, isn't that smart? Leave a foreign exchange student alone with a fully fluent English speaker who probably doesn't know German.

He made a small noise, which could've been mistaken for a laugh, because it was short and nervous.

The taller teen snapped at him, asking what he was laughing about. Evan tried to reason that he wasn't, but all he could really say was 'no, I'm not' over and over until he was shoved into the lockers.

Afterwards, a girl that looked a bit younger than him with long, blonde hair that had faded blue streaks ran to his aid. She was wearing a jean jacket, t shirt, and jeans. She was asking way too many questions for him to decipher, and he was growing closer and closer to a panic attack as it was, so he just scrambled to get up and ran to the bathroom (thankfully the signs were a dead giveaway) to try and calm down. He was just so overwhelmed with everything, and wanted to go home.

The rest of the day didn't get any better. He felt so tired and worn out from lunchtime, and with how much stuff he had to translate, it didn't leave a lot of time to actually get work done. A few teachers already translated the homework for him, which he greatly appreciated.

In his open eighth hour, he began typing out a therapy letter. Heidi had been talking to his new therapist, who apparently recommended that he wrote them. He was meeting with him that day.

Evan vented to Heidi on the phone, speaking fast in his heavy, German accent. He talked about needing to translate everything, how the teachers only understood so much of what he was saying, and how he could barely understand his classmates. Heidi tried to sympathize with him, and assured him Dr. Sherman was one hundred percent fluent in German, which Evan found hard to believe, but he tried to, anyway.

The letter was mainly in German, mostly because it was easier for Evan and it was a test to see if Dr. Sherman wasn't lying. It basically talked about how shitty of a year he was gonna have because no one cared about the German speaking kid, that he was shoved, and that no one would care or notice if he disappeared the next day.

But the tall, dark dressed teen appeared in the lab, his letter in hand.

"I um... I wanted to apologize for earlier," he said, shifting his weight every now and again, "I didn't mean to freak out on you."

"Um," Evan couldn't believe he had to uphold a conversation with the guy who shoved him. "It is okay. I am not mad."

"You're not from around here, right?" That surprised Evan, because no one had really acknowledged it. "I've heard you're from Germany."

Only a few bits and pieces made sense to him, but he got the gist of it. "Yes. That is correct."

"Do you miss it? Germany?" They crossed their arms.

Evan furrowed his brow in thought. "There is... not much to miss. I had..." he suddenly shook his head, "I am in foster care. I have no friends."

The teen's expression fell, "That really sucks. I'm sorry..."

Evan shook his head, not wanting to think about that. "How do you know I come from Germany? What is your name?"

"Word gets around when someone new shows up," again, only bits and pieces, "And I'm Connor."

Evan smiled weakly at him, sort of wanting the conversation to end. "I am Evan. It's nice to meet you, Connor."

"Evan?" The taller teen, Connor, pulled out a sheet of paper. He read the top. "Is this yours? It has your name on it."

"Yes! It's... homework, in a way," Evan took the paper, relieved in the fact that he wrote it in German. It felt private that way. "I am... seeing someone after school... to talk to..." he snapped his fingers as he tried to remember the word.

"A therapist?" Connor offered.

"Yes!" Evan beamed. "You are terrifying!"

Connor suddenly looked like he'd been slapped in the face.

"No! I did not mean that! People are terrifying, not just you! It is..." he trailed off, thinking for a moment, before suddenly remembering the word. "Anxiety! It is what my foster mom calls... social anxiety."

Connor made a face, "I guess that explains a lot."

"And because English is hard," he shrugged sheepishly.

"Um, if you want, I could give you a little help? I know it's probably weird coming from the guy who... pushed you, but maybe I could make it up to you?" Connor offered, smiling weakly.

"Oh," the offer was a surprise to Evan, and despite not wanting to being around Connor a lot, he needed both the help and practice. "Yes. I accept."

Connor set down his satchel and dug through it, before pulling out a pen. "Got something I can write on?"

"Uhh..." he looked at his letter, and handed it to him, not really caring if he wrote on it. Dr. Sherman would be happy to see he got someone's number, at least.

Connor took the letter and wrote in the back of it. He just wrote his number and name. "Text me later so we can arrange a time, okay?"

Evan smiled weakly, taking it back, "Okay."

It was hard at first, getting used to a new situation with someone completely new who hasn't exactly left the best first impression. But Connor was smarter than Evan previously thought, because he was trying to learn German to make things easier for him. There was a lot of miscommunication at first, but slowly, they started to understand each other better and better each day. They even hung out outside of study sessions, either at the park, the old orchard, or Evan's house (Connor didn't want him to go to his house).

What was once a disliking for Connor slowly turned into liking, but evolved into love, and not just the platonic best friend love. Actually in love, with how Connor messed with his hair when he was nervous, or how he'd soften up when he knew Evan was struggling with anxiety or other things. He couldn't help but stare at him unabashedly, whenever the opportunity showed itself, like when Connor faced the opposite direction of him.

That was exactly why he didn't tell him anything. Despite staying with Heidi for almost four months, he was certain she was going to give him up and send him back to Germany. Evan wasn't sure if long distance would even work out. He knew it was hard to, anyways. Plus, he was certain Connor only saw him as a friend.

One day though, when Connor was dropping him off at home, he saw a black car outside his house and paled. It was the same car he'd arrived in when he met Heidi, and was dropped off in. It was a Jeep, he realized, unlike before.

"Evan? What's wrong?" Connor noticed his distress.

"It's- my social worker," he said slowly.

"Why're they here?" He growled at the black colored car parked in front of them.

Evan bit at his lip. "Whenever they come, they are taking me away..."

Connor's hand found Evan's arm and clutched it. "They are not taking away my best friend."

"You do not have a choice..." he muttered, "It is my mom's..."

"We could run away," Connor declared. "They can't take you away if they can't find you."

"They will look for me. I... tried running once. It did not end well," Evan shook his head. "It will not work. I do not want say goodbye but..."

"You're not legally an adult yet. They can still tell you what to do," Connor filled in, looking away.

Evan just nodded sadly. "I do not want to go... I would miss you..."

Connor stayed silent, his hand staying on Evan's arm. He didn't want to let go of him, because if he did, he'd be taken away. Even though it was inevitable, it was ground, saying that was Evan was still there, that he hadn't left just yet.

"We'll have to go eventually," Evan whispered, gazing at the hand on his upper arm.

Connor nodded shortly, a small sign Evan recognized as him being upset. Finding the smallest amount of courage he could muster, he reached over the cup holders and brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

This was enough for Connor to put a hand in his cheek, like he was urging him closer. Call it his imagination, or whatever, but it made the distance between them so small, and it was only getting smaller. Just before it happened, Evan realized they were about to kiss, and despite fearing the fact that they'd be separated, he couldn't help conjoining their lips, letting his worries disappear, even if it was for a moment.

He clutched onto Connor tightly, despite the gentleness of the kiss. He wanted to be even closer to him, to climb onto Connor's lap, or pull him on top of him, something more, but yet at the same time, it was all too much. Connor had moved his hand from his cheek down to his neck, subconsciously stroking Evan's Adam's Apple which make him jump into surprise, but also made him lean into it because it felt so nice. Connor was always so gentle with him, whether it was checking a bruise (Evan was extremely clumsy) or greeting him with a hug after a panic attack, it was welcoming and soothing, but most importantly, not suffocating. The opposite of that, in fact.

They separated and pressed their foreheads together, panting as they began to catch their breaths.

The most fantastic part?

Connor's hand never left Evan's arm. Not once.

"That was- amazing," Evan shut his eyes, refusing to move even an inch. It was like the magic of that moment would shatter if he shifted even just a bit.

"You- you liked that?" Connor sounded surprised, and when Evan opened his eyes again, Connor was staring back at him.

"I like you, Connor. A lot. More than just best friends do," he insisted, meeting Connor's gaze.

"Good," He let out a shaky breath, "Cause I do, too."

Despite the situation, Evan began to laugh. How ironic everything was, and how it was about to be ripped away from him, and he could only laugh and cry because it just wasn't fair. He finally had Connor, but he was about to loose him.

"What's so funny," Connor squeezed his arm, his voice laced with worry.

Evan shook his head, tears falling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. "We have spent- f-far too long just... liking each other from a distance, when we could've gotten together sooner... We could've had more time together as... something more."

Connor brushed away some of the big, blotchy tears from his cheeks, despite more escaping. "Hey. I'm not gonna give up that easily. I still want to be with you, and I'm more than willing to do long distance if you are."

Evan sniffled, "I... I don't know, Connor. Long distance usually does not work, and there's so much for us to loose."

Connor smiled weakly. "What's there to loose? We can make it work."

"Du bist meine Welt," Evan whispered shakily.

Connor paused, and licked his lips. "I... I don't know what that means..."

"You are my world," he repeated, running a hand through Connor's wild, messy hair. "I admit that I didn't actively try to make friends... I saw no point, especially knowing that I could be taken at a minutes notice. But you... you forced your way in, and filled an empty place in my life I didn't know I needed. I know you might forget me, but... I won't forget you."

He quickly leans over and pecked his cheek, before moving to give another to his jaw. "You're fucking insane if you think I'll forget you," he muttered against his skin.

Evan laughed, "I always thought I was non important. Glad to be proven wrong, though."

Connor pulled away, and the space was aching. He pulled out the car keys reluctantly.

Evan began to move at last. "We, we should go..."

When they exited the car, Connor briefly released his arm, but once they were side to side, he curled his fingers around Evan's. He held onto Connor tightly, because it was probably the last time they'd be there, side to side. The ironic thing was is that he was never told when he was being taken away. The social worker showed up, said, "It's time to go.", and Evan would pack up all his things and go (he was a fast packer).

He was already trembling by the time he was inside. The social worker, with long brown hair, dressed in all black, was talking to Heidi, having her sign some forms. She turned around and smiled at Evan.

"Was ist los? Soll ich meinen Koffer nehmen?" Evan asked her, fidgeting with his hands.

"Nein, heute ist ein besonderer Tag," she smiled.

"Worüber redest du?" He looked up at her.

"You are being adopted," she stated, looking back at Heidi, who nodded.

Evan stares, mouth agape. "Wha- r-really? But you... don't have much time with me..."

"That doesn't matter to me," Heidi shook her head, smiling. "With how much time we've spent together proves that you're apart of this family."

"Wait, what was that other stuff?" Connor walked over, raising an eyebrow.

"I asked if I needed my suitcase, but she said no, because today was special. When I asked why, she uh, well you know what she said," Evan clarified.

Connor started to smile. "So you're staying?"

"I am. Like it or not," Evan desperately wanted to grab Connor's hand, but he still didn't know what they even were. They didn't exactly have time beforehand to discuss it, and they thought he was leaving, as well.

"I do like it, though," Connor smirked ever so slightly.

"Even though we are both hard to understand?"

"We find our own ways, Ev. I can usually find some way to figure out what you're trying to stay."

Evan just nodded in silent agreement, taking his hand at last, because how was he supposed to argue with that?

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #deh #treebros #connor #evan #convan #jared kleinman #german #forgein speaker #transfer student

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imaginefan · 5 years ago

Note

What they did that caught your attention. Enzo, Stefan, Kol, Jeremy, Elijah, Jake, Adam, Chris, Cole, Clay, Campbell, Will, Harry and Gordie.

Enzo

He was fiercely protective of you after the first time that you jumped in front of him, he went out of his way to make sure that you were out of harm's way and that there was no way that you could do anything stupid.

You raised an eyebrow as you looked at him and he pushed the knees pads towards you “You know the point of this is to make sure that I can protect myself.” You muttered and you looked at him and he continued to push the padding towards you. “We’re already on a padded mat!” “And this is going to make sure that when I hit you I won't hurt you.” He argued. “You're not going to hurt me.” You rolled your eyes. “Better safe than sorry.” He shrugged. “Are you serious?” You asked, his face didn’t change “you're serious.” You snatched the knee pads from his hands before putting them on because you wanted to learn to defend yourself and he wasn’t going to teach you without those.

Stefan

Stefan knew a lot about a lot of things and you loved listening to him talk about it but you loved listening to him read more than anything, his voice was calming and when you couldn’t relax you got Stefan to help you. “Stefan!” You whined as you collapsed on the bed. “What’s wrong?” He asked. “I can’t sleep.” You mumbled, Stefan had been over to make sure that you were safe, after the events of the day he was worried that you might have been in danger and decided that he would stay over to make sure that you stayed safe. “How can I help you?” He asked. “You know how.” You smiled batting your eyelids. “You want me to read.” He asked with a small smile. “Please…” You pleaded and he rolled his eyes before walked over to your bookshelf to find a book.

Kol

Kol never looked at you like he was scared of you, most people even other witches looked at you like you were a weapon, you could look into people’s minds but you never did it maliciously or at least you tried not to.

“Where’s your coven?” Kol asked one day and you looked at him and shrugged. “I don’t know, they kicked me out when my parents were killed.” You answered. “Why?” He asked. “They never liked me so when my parents weren’t there to vote against it they kicked me out.” You explained. “I was a dangerous monster.” “Dangerous… Always but your no monster.” Kol answered. “You’ve had great power all your life but you never hurt anyone with it.” “People are wrong about you.” You mumbled leaning forward and linking your hands as you did. “All of them.”

Jeremy

Jeremy’s ability to be soft no matter what had happened beforehand and what he had seen was what caught your attention, no matter what you both had been through he never let it define who he was and he was always gentle with you.

You leaned up against Jeremy on the sofa he was watching something while you were reading, he could feel you weight shifting constantly as you tried to keep yourself away, he glanced down at you and saw that your eyes were fluttering so he gently took the book from you and twisted so that you head could rest on his chest “rest up, I’ll take you upstairs as soon as this episode finishes.” He promised, so you let yourself fall asleep.

You were woken when he sat you on the bed he grabbed one of his shirts and helped you put it on yours before slipping his over your head and then help you out of your jeans he tucked you into bed before changing himself and joining you. “I love you.” You confessed as you snuggled into his side. “I love you too.”

Elijah

After the witches got to you Elijah had nothing but a calming effect on you, all negative moods were easy for him to deal with he’d be able to get you to focus on something else and when he wasn’t around you would use memories of him to ground you.

It seemed like you had been pacing for hours when Elijah walked into the room, he gave a soft smile before walking towards you gently taking your shoulders to stop you and centre your attention “What’s wrong?” He asked. “What if this doesn’t work?” You asked. “What?” He asked. “You guys always tell me about the fact that you can’t die but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about you… All of you.” You said. “I promise you that I will do my best to keep everyone safe.” He smiled moving his hands so that his thumbs run over your cheeks. “And yourself.” You added and he nodded. “And myself.” He confirmed pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head as you smiled at the feeling of peace just for a little bit.

Jake

Jake was dedicated to finding out the cause behind his brother’s death and you loved that there was nothing that seemed to be able to draw him from the path, while he was looking you did your best to help him but sometimes he would put himself in danger to get the answers that he wanted.

“Jake maybe you should slow down.” You suggested and he shook his head. “I can’t this’ll mean nothing if we stop-” “For an hour, Jake this all still early days, you’ve got clues but nothing solid, no one is going anywhere, I promise you that stepping back for a second is not going to change anything.” You pleaded and he sighed. “I’m sorry.” He said softly as he pulled you into a hug and you sighed. “Don’t be this determination is one of the reasons that I love you.” You confessed.

Adam

Adam had patience which you never had and when you got frustrated he seemed to appear out of nowhere with the perfect words to help you calm down and would even show you some magic just to help you.

You gave another groan of frustration as you looked at the school book in front of you, “what’s wrong?” He asked. “School work.” You answered flipping your book away from you and crossing your arms like a child. “I don’t it.” “That’s okay, you probably just need some time to think about it,” Adam suggested. “I’ve been thinking about it for hours.” You complained and he smiled before throwing your coat at you. “Then let’s not think about it.” He smiled sticking his hand out to you.

Chris

Chris was sarcastic at the worst of times and that never ceased to make you laugh, you knew that you shouldn’t laugh but there was no way of stopping it sometimes you tried but even the small giggle made it out of your mouth.

“Chris!” Piper called as you leaned back on the sofa. “You very relaxed considering there is a threat looming.” “Ahh well, your calling Chris I need to be in a perfect position to laugh and not fall off this sofa.” “What is that supposed to mean?” Chris asked appearing behind you. “You have a way of adding humour to any situation.” You answered leaning back a little more so that you could see him. “Mm.” He hummed, in all honesty he never really saw it himself but if you were smiling then he was happy too.

Cole

Cole was a mystery that was enough for you, it was often that you saw him but you never really got the chance to talk to him that is until he took a particular interest in you too and you were given the opportunity to learn.

“I’ve seen you here before…” He said as he stood in front of you. “Yeah I work here.” You smirked as you leaned forward on the counter. “Hmm.” He smiled. “So what time do you finish?” “5.” You answered. “Why?” “Don’t worry I’ll be here to pick you up.” He winked before walking away

Clay

You were new and the one thing that caught his attention was when he was tutoring Jeff in the library and you walked past you heard them talking and they both seemed a little confused, you glanced down at the paper and smiled to yourself instantly understanding it, you leaned over Clay pointing at the paper. “You're gonna want to carry that over.” You said as you jotted everything that you were saying down. “Woah who are you?” Jeff asked, smiling as he looked at the papers. “I’m (Y/N), I’m new here just saw that you guys were having a bit of trouble and thought that I would help you.” You answered with a shrug. “T-thanks.” Clay managed to say and you winked before going to find the book that you needed for the homework you had just gotten. “You should ask her out.” Jeff encouraged and Clay’s eyes followed you as you disappeared around the corner, he should ask you out but he can’t do it on his own, no you were the one that asked him out because he was cute and quiet and you loved that about him.

Campbell

Campbell didn’t seem to care about anything that anyone said about him and you never understood how he did it because it seemed like everyone was talking about him but the first time that you spoke to him it was when you were in class it was a simple interaction but it stuck to you. “Hey do you have a spare pen?” Campbell asked as he tapped your shoulder. “Oh yeah.” You answered as you dug through your bag before leaning back and passing it to him with a smile, now despite the fact that you had never really spoke to him before you both left an impression on each other because you were the only person that Campbell actually gave a pen back to.

Will

Will was very real, he didn’t hide anything and it was rare that you could find a boy that you was that honest in the world that you lived in “Hey Will.” you smiled as you sat next to him at lunch. “Hi.” He smiled “what are you doing over here?” “Thought I’d come sit with you.” You answered with a shrugged. “Is that bad?” “No not bad for me anyway.” He answered. “Huh?” You asked. “Well it’s not going to do you any favours being seen with me.” He explained and you shrugged. “Now whoever said that I cared about that.” You smirked.

Harry

You were at one of his parties and despite the fact that you looked like you hadn’t been to a party in your life you knew how hold your own, there were boys that were coming over and trying to get you to leave with them but you broken someone’s finger when they got too touchy and they decided against trying anymore, you’d been making yourself drinks and it seemed like you could hold your liquor well. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.” Harry said as he leant against the counter next to you. “Does that bother you?” You asked as you glanced at him for a second before your eyes moved back to the crowds of people stumbling around and making a mess. “Just wondered who you are here with…” He shrugged and you looked at him. “A friend.” You answered. “Just a friend?” He asked. “Why would I tell you that?” You asked as you pushed off the counter. “It’s not like you care.” Then you were gone, he was the only one that didn’t push it that night that you remembered.

Gordie.

Gordie saw you outside one day and he didn’t understand what you were doing out, it was cold and dark and it didn’t seem like there was anyone else there “Hey (Y/N) what are you doing out here?” He asked. “Hm? Oh, I’m watching the stars.” You answered as you gestured to the sky. “Sometimes I come out here because it’s quiet and you can see everything out here.” You explained and he nodded smiling. “Maybe one day I can bring my telescope out here and see if we can find anything interesting,” Gordie suggested and you looked at him, your eyes widening. “Seriously?” You asked the excitement in your eyes made him happy. “Yeah of course.” He smiled. “You're amazing.” You complimented me. “I try.” He winked before settling with you to watch the stars.

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that-was-anticlimactic · 6 years ago

Note

Y-you have Lloyd as Jake headcanons???? Do you mind sharing them?

heck yES

Okay so Imma start with some reasons why Lloyd is Jake to me

So, Jake says in Upgrade “my parents won’t be home so it’s all right, they laundered money now they’re on the run… which means the house is empty so that’s fun”

Jake’s parents are criminals and he’s alone, Lloyd’s father is evil and his mother left him at a boarding school for bad boys and essentially he is alone.

Both Lloyd and Jake essentially had no one to teach them and guide them in life, therefore both of them have trouble being a good person sometimes

Jake, for example, knows that Rich isn’t the best person, but he kind of just let’s him be an a-hole. Not to mention, when Jeremy is writhing in pain on the ground at Sabaro’s, Jake’s initial reaction is “the freak’s freaking out”

Lloyd, for example, was not the best kid (being left at Darkley’s didn’t help either), he was essentially / technically a criminal and thief and he didn’t always treat people the best.

After I Love Play Rehearsal, when Jake talks to Christine, he mentions how he feels the need to be the best all of the time, and how much pressure he feels to, essentially, be himself.

Lloyd is the freaking green ninja. He constantly feels the need to be the best and constantly feels pressured to be the best and to be strong and such.

They both feel like they have to be happy because you can’t be popular in school if you’re sad and you can’t save the world if you focus on your problems. You can’t lead after school activities or lead a team of ninja if you get too much in your head.

Speaking of activities, let’s talk about the fact that Jake literally does almost every after school activity and leads a good chunk of them. He most likely does this because he’d rather be at school all day long than in an empty house all by himself. He also throws parties that he invites so many people to, because he’d rather be with too many people than no one because he’s been alone so long. It’s a good distraction.

Lloyd distracted himself from absentee parents by trying to be evil, by absorbing himself into all of this evil business, into revenge, freeing the serpentine and pitting them against each other, even perhaps with comics and training later on.

They also both had a broken leg (or legs Jake sorry hun :/ ) at one point

Okay so I feel like Kai would be Rich and let’s be real here, Kai would burn down a house to save Lloyd in a heart beat (which is essentially what Rich did, he burned down Jake’s house to kill himself so that his SQUIP couldn’t control him and spread the SQUIPS)

Okay but Lloyd would dress like Britton Smith’s Jake rather than Jake Boyd’s Jake. Like, he’d start by dressing like Jake Boyd, with the red jacket and jeans, but when he grows more confident and more comfortable with himself, especially after the “SQUIP situation” (or Nadakhan situation because Nadakhan is the SQUIP to me lol) and he’d feel so much more comfortable being as colorful as he wanted!Lloyd isn’t as “smooth” as Jake, but he is definitely as adorably oblivious to some things

Speaking of, after the Nadakhan / SQUIP incident, he works really hard to be a better person and not to be as ignorant to the way people treat each other and how he treats people but sometimes he still falls into old habits and he can act like an a-hole towards others but he feels so trashy after he realizes what he’s done or when someone tells him

He moved in with Kai / Rich after the incident too, because he finally talked to someone about how much he hated being alone all the time

The whole gang is all about self-care and such now because they all realized how much they needed it because they can’t save the world and help each other if they can’t love themselves and Lloyd’s way of self-care (aside from moving in with Kai) is dropping activities and things that cause extra stress

On that note, if this AU is still kind of a high school AU then it’s clubs that he absorbs himself into (as well as thievery and young!Lloyd season one stuff), but if it’s not school, then along with the thievery and such he is still in like a bunch of clubs and teams like bowling or a book club as well as working like three jobs because he’s alone in the world, but drops almost all of it (aside from a job) so that he can take time to do other things that he needs to do and and get his life back on track. He still has fun, he just makes sure that he doesn’t try and do everything just for the sake of not being alone, because he realizes that he’s not anymore

Even though he had the jobs, he still did (borderline) illegal things because he wanted to impress his dad and maybe his mom (he knew nothing about her, for all he knew she was evil too, she did drop him off at Darkley’s) but he didn’t want to be a complete thief because at the same time he really didn’t want to be like them because they left him and so he stopped himself from being terrible

He still struggles with not focusing on living up to standards that the world and his title as the Green Ninja created for him. His friends help him with that as much as they can but taking the pressure off of his shoulders is hard

It’s also a little scary for him because all of his life he knew he had to be this, and act this way, and just be the way the world perceived him because of his dad and his title as Green Ninja, and attempting to break free from that and be more relaxed and more openly him and not what everyone wants him to be is difficult.

(I love the word essentially in case you couldn’t tell) That’s the most I think I can like… articulate right now? I’m having trouble wording some of it, particularly the happier ones- a lot of these were kind of sad??- maybe I’m just more tired than I thought lol, but I can picture it all so clearlyyyyyyy! I hope those made sense? I like… lived in a BMC / Ninjago AU for a solid few weeks straight and I still think about it a lot so I have a lot of feels and opinions on this! (also Jake Dillinger is like… my 1.5 favorite BMC character for so many reasons and I’ve done character analysis’ on him so many times like when I’m driving I’ll speak them to myself or I’ll think about it as I fall asleep or in the shower or during school when I daydream… I love this boy he’s so underrated !) ((actually… I don’t think I’ve ever fully written one out for him… I know I’ve written an eight aged long Chloe analysis / oneshot type thing but I don’t think I’ve ever officially done Jake… I’ll have to do that someday…))

anyWAYS I love my boy Lloydie-G (thank you for that so much by the way I love it ahh) and I hope that made a lick of sense! Have a great night or day or whatever time it is for you when you read this :)

(this is what I mean by Britton’s clothing vs. Jake Boyd’s red jacket and jeans and tank tops and stuff. Like I can see Lloyd in those, but like… I get more of a Britton Jake vibes more than Jake Jake vibes) (BUT I LOVE BOTH VERSIONS OF JAKE EQUALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH EXTREMELY TALENTED AND BOTH STYLES ARE AMAZING AND FIT AND I LOVE OKAY BYE)

#ninjago #ninjago lloyd #im bmc trash

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platonic-with-mothman · 6 years ago

Text

Reactivation

Summary: an honest mistake ends up reactivating the squip. and the squip has some plans for jeremy which might include a certain tiny arsonist.\

warnings: Swears, vore, panic, digestion mention (none occur), unwilling pred, unwilling prey.

Note: This is Post!Squip times. Rich is gonna seem a little more timid and shy, and not as loud as normal

Bold italics= Squip

Regular italics= Jeremy’s thoughts

“Thanks for inviting me over, dude.” Jeremy turned back to his new found friend, Jake, and smiled. They never really got along before, but recently, they’ve been hanging out at school, and jeremy decided to finally seal the deal of absolute friendship…

playing Apocalypse of the Damned.

“No problem, man” Jeremy replied, sitting on one of the cushions on the floor, pointing to the other one. “When do you think Rich will get here?” he had hoped soon, the last time they had spoken was in the hospital, and he really wanted to get to know the real Rich. but Jake shrugged, grabbing one of the controllers and flopping down on the other cushion, so he was laying on it.

“Eh. rich is always late. He’s probably outside wondering if he really wants to come in” Jake laughed, turning on his controller. Jeremy gave Jake a look, and he continued “Well whatever happened with you and him really must have made him uncomfortable around you.” jake playfully pushed jeremy “what, did you try and eat him or something?”

This was something normally joked about by other Giants, talking about eating Humans was strange if it wasn’t mentioned, but jeremy couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable hearing about it, because it really happens, and usually the human doesn’t come back. He sputtered, stammering out a no, which makes jake laugh

“I’m playing Heere.” he said between laughs “I know you.if anything, You’d try to deny that it was possible” which was true, he would try and say that only some giants could, but that was a lie. He was perfectly capable of eating anyone physically, but if he wanted to, no way. Somehow that instinct wasn’t inside of him.

“S-should we go back to the game” jeremy said, changing the subject. Jake nodded, smirking. They played only a few rounds before the doorbell rang. Must be Rich. the boys paused the game

“Since he’s cool with me, I’ll go.” Jake picked up his Gatorade squeeze bottle, taking a drink and handed it to jeremy “Have some.” jeremy took the bottle, and took a drink, expecting it to be water, but coughed when he felt the carbonation hit his throat. He barely recognized the taste.

“What is that” he said through his coughing fit. When jake replied, all the colour drained from his face.

“Uh, Mountain Dew? The only soda i can actually stand.” he said, running up the stairs, “I’ll talk to rich for a bit to make sure he’s cool” and just like that, he was gone. Jeremy covered his mouth, horrified. ‘Okay maybe...maaaaybe its okay. Maybe its not so bad after all. Nothing has happened so far so maybe’

That's when his whole body was shocked. He dropped the bottle and curled up. No no no this can’t be happening again.

Target inaccessible

No…

Calibration required, please excuse some minor discomfort

Another long zap made him yelp in pain, he could see in front of him a glitchy figure, getting more and more lifelike by the second

Calibration Complete

Access procedure not needed.

Welcome back Jeremy Heere. We knew you wouldn’t leave forever.

Jeremy let out the breath he was holding, all the pain going away. He sat up, backing away, he didn’t even realize he had tears falling from his face, which he promptly wiped away, the squip was turned facing away from him, white suit, slicked back hair, how he remembered him. He spun to face jeremy, and looked almost surprised to be there. The Squip smiled at him, sending a chill down jeremy’s spine. He felt like he was about to have a panic attack.

“Jeremy! I knew you wouldn’t give up on yourself!” the squip sounded genuinely happy to see him, which was weird on more levels than one. “What made you change your mind?”

“Nothing! you monster!” jeremy yelled, covering his mouth right after, he didn’t want to alert anyone that something was wrong, especially Rich, he’d been through too much anyways.

The squip laughed “don’t forget I’m in your mind Jeremy” jeremy scowled. He couldn’t wait to get this parasite out of his head again.

“jeremy! “ he heard Jake running down the stairs, someone in his hands. Jeremy stood up, pretending everything was fine. ‘Guess who finally decided to show up!” jake opened his hands. And there sat rich, he was wearing a sweater and black jeans, probably trying to hide his burn scars, and looked down. This was not the rich he remembered, and why did he look so… appitizi--WHAT?

‘Get of my head.” he thought to the squip. The squip shrugged

“Its a normal thing to be thinking about that jeremy, with you’re kind, you shouldn’t shy away from true feelings.”

‘Well I didn’t think about this before you showed up’ jeremy pushed himself out of his thoughts, waving at rich. The human looked up at jake, probably for reassurance, and the giant nodded. Rich waved back.

“Wanna keep playing?” Jeremy asked. Jake nodded, placing rich on the table. For the most part, jeremy did a damn good job of ignoring the squip…only a few times did he actually reply, telling it to shut up.

After a few more rounds, Jake got a call from his parents, and it got a bit heated, and he ended up leaving. Then Rich and Jeremy were alone together.

“So…” jeremy broke the silence. “How’ve you been? Recovery going...well?” he didn’t really know what to say. What do you say to the person who you haven’t spoken to since a catastrophic incident that happened a year ago?

“Good… the doc has said i’ve been doing really well.” he replied, jeremy couldn’t help but love rich’s lisp. It reminded him that he wasn’t the same bully he was before

Wasn’t he the one who got you in this mess the first place”

‘Go away”

“He’s the reason why I’m here right now. Why you and michael fought, why you got a squip in the first place.”

“He’s different now”

“Of course he is. He’s weak now. You’re the one with the upper hand now. You can do what you want.”

“Not what I want, what YOU want.”

“uh … jeremy?�� Rich asked, nervously. “You’ve been pretty quiet, are you okay?” Jeremy and the squip looked back at rich, and jeremy couldn’t help but see what the squip was talking about. Last year rich was strong, loud, bold, even for his size. Now he’s quiet and shy. Kinda embarrassing.

Jeremy shook himself out of these thoughts, knowing his Squip was planting them. Jeremy nodded quietly. And rich seemed to realize something, jeremy could see it in his eyes.

“You still have it. Don’t you?” the squip looked impressed with his discovery, while jeremy felt mortified, and in a moment. Rich was in jeremy’s hand. The squip was controlling him again. This. was. Bad.

“Let me go!” Rich yelled, pushing against jeremy’s flesh, panic rising.

“I- want to b-But.. Why should I?” he was cut off by… himself? The squip was using as a puppet again. He looked back at the computer, with fear, it just smiled.

“This is for your own good jeremy, show whos dominant.” the squip placed his hands on jeremy’s shoulders, and instantly jeremy began speaking again.

“If you were in my position, would you put me down?” jeremy asked, and rich frantically nodded, trying to make jeremy let go, but jeremy held his hand closed. “What if you were squipped.” rich stopped, almost looking shameful. They both knew the answer. “Exactly”

“I’m different now! I promi-- Wait! Please!” the squip made jeremy bring rich closer to his face. He knew what the squip was going to do, and he was dying on the inside, wanting it to stop. Not only for his sake, but for the human’s in his grip.

“I-I’m s-sorry” he muttered before the squip made him shove rich into his mouth. As predicted, rich screamed, trying to pry jeremy’s mouth back open, but it was no use. He screamed for help. And jeremy hated to say this, but rich actually tasted...good. he didn’t know if It was the squip messing with him or how he actually felt. Maybe he didn’t want to know

“Jeremy! P-Please let me out!” Rich pleaded with the giant. Jeremy just kept rolling him around in his mouth. Jeremy began fighting back, trying to open his mouth, but the supercomputer had other plans.

“Swallow.”

And just like that, rich was inside of jeremy’s throat, it hurt. A lot. Rich stretched his throat to lengths he had never felt before. He groaned in pain, and he winced. Jeremy turned to the squip, glaring, but the squip just looked proud.

Once Rich was past his throat, and he could speak, jeremy screamed out in pain, running upstairs, which oddly caught the squip off guard. He raced towards his father's liquor cabinet, opened a bottle of random alcohol. The squip appeared, holding a hand out

“don't you dare jeremy! you will--Ichido watashi wa futatabi akutibu ni shite kōkai!” while the squip spoke, he chugged a huge gulp, silently apologizing to rich, who had just landed in his stomach and began squirming around. He cringed at the taste, wanting to immediately spit it out, but he knew it was for the best. And almost instantly, the squip began glitching out. Then it shut off completely.

He held a hand to his stomach, horrified at what he had done to rich. The human squirmed, panicked out of his mind.

“R-Rich oh god…” rich froze at jeremy acknowledging him, and began squirming again. He cringed, feeling every move that rich had made, it was so so wrong.

“Jeremy! Please I-” jeremy hushed him frantically

“I know! I’ll get you out as soon as I can.” he whipped out his phone, going to message michael.

‘Code red’ he sent. It took a few seconds for a reply

‘Fuck. coming’ he sighed, dropping his phone and holding his belly, rich really did a number on him, the squip must have dulled the pain a bit, because it hurt like a bitch.

“Let me out” rich quietly pleaded once again. “Before….before”

“Its okay… Its a giant thing… you’re gonna be fine” he was surprised that Jake hadn’t told rich that yet. Rich fell silent, he stopped fighting. Jeremy wondered what he was doing in there, but before he could ask, his front door swung open.

“Jeremy! I got it!” it was michael, holding a whole bottle of homemade mountain dew red. Works just the same… just tastes worse.

“Michael!” he yelled from the living room, but quieted his voice when he felt rich cover his ears...weird “I’m in here”

Michael ran into the room “hey. Got your text… why are you…?” michael slowly gave jeremy the bottle, which he quickly opened and downed a bunch of the drink. He held his head as the zapping began again. Michael dashed towards him holding his best friend and trying to calm him. Luckily no hospital trip, the squip hadn’t been in THAT long.

Jeremy took deep breaths as the pain died down. Looking up at michael, who was smiling at his friends wellbeing. He immediately pushed away remembering rich. He must’ve been horrified at being drowned in two different types of liquid. Jeremy placed a hand on his stomach. And michael gave him a weird look.

“Everything okay jere?” michael knew it was a silly question, but he had to make sure.

“Its… rich…” he breathed out. Michaels eyes widened, and a grin formed on his face. He began laughing.

“Are you serious?” jeremy shot him a look that told him to stop. “It was an accident. The…. the squip..”

“Don’t worry man. I can help you get him out... just let me..” michael ducked his head down, placing it on jeremy’s stomach. “Rich?! You good?”

The giants heard rich squeak in surprise, making michael laugh and jeremy blush. “M-michael?” the human called out, pressing against the stomach. Michael began lifting jeremy’s shirt, ignoring the other giants protest. They both watched the little bulge in his body move around, while it freaked jeremy out, it fascinated michael.

“Yeah Rich its me!” he turned his attention back to jeremy. “Here's what you need to do. You can feel him, right” jeremy nodded. “Good, focus on him, clench your stomach muscles and push him upwards, your body will be able to do the rest.”

Jeremy nodded, taking a deep breath and doing what michael had told him, it took a few tries to actually get michael back up his esophagus, but once he did, his body just pulled him back up into his mouth,he coughed, bringing his hand up to his mouth, spitting rich out on to it. He brought his hand down, revealing a terrified rich.

He was covered in saliva and shaking to no end, but not because he was cold. Jeremy brought rich closer to his chest, holding him in a strange hug. The giant and human were both breathing deeply. And jeremy apologized. Surprisingly, rich accepted it.

“It...it wasn’t you. I realize that” jeremy smiled, and rich returned it. “How about we...not mention this to jake next time we hang out?”

“You don’t have to tell me twice”

----------------

and we’re done!

#soft vore #be vore chill #prey!rich #Pred!Jeremy #safe vore #unwilling pred #unwilling prey #unwilling vore

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hazelmariewrites · 6 years ago

Text

The Inside Story

San Francisco, 1973 Lorraine Weston has had it with not being taken seriously as a journalist. When her boss turns down her idea for an undercover look into the cults following the Manson trials, she decides to pursue the story on her own. Will her tenacity lead to the perfect piece, or will it put her in grave danger?

TW: Violence, Murder

Word Count: 6,827

San Francisco, 1973

Now is not the time to take risks.

Lorraine Weston laughed and threw the fortune, along with the now broken cookie, into the trash bin next to her desk. She had never been one for superstition, so she wasn’t going to let some silly fortune cookie stop her plans to confront her boss. Lorraine had been writing for the San Francisco Chronicle for two years. She had just graduated from the University of California with a degree in journalism when the job was offered to her, and she eagerly accepted. She regretted the decision as soon as she received her first assignment—“Ten Lesser Known Uses for Crisco”.

The assignments never became any less demeaning, but Lorraine refused to give up. During this radical time for feminism, she took pride in her everyday fights against male chauvinism. Rather than quit her job and look for something better, she wanted to prove herself. The person to prove herself to was Bob Haney.

Lorraine had just finished clearing away her lunch when Bob stormed through the front doors and stomped his way down the crowded hall where the journalists worked. Bob was a short, plump man, but he had a way of making people overlook this with his big actions. He took long strides, swinging his arms hard back and forth with each step. A cloud of cigarette smoke followed him everywhere he went. He was loud, as well. He demonstrated this as he called across the hall, “Lunch break’s over, folks! Back to work!”

Lorraine saw past Bob’s façade. She was able to ignore his act and see instead the little things he missed, like his undone pants zipper and his nervous, erratic breathing. She wasn’t afraid of him like most of her colleagues. It was with confidence that she rose from her chair and followed him into his office.

It was a small room, which Bob had seemed to fill with as much unnecessary furniture as he could. His desk was far too big, even for him. Two red velvet chairs sat facing it, with an orange sofa against the wall next to it, hardly used. Bookshelves, potted plants, and floor lamps were scattered throughout the rest of the room.

“Hello, Mr. Haney,”

Bob spun around, startled by Lorraine’s presence. “Christ, Lorraine,” he said, “Don’t call me that. You know I like to keep things cool around here. I’m just Bob.”

“Absolutely, Bob,” Lorraine replied with a warm smile. “I was wondering if I could have just a moment of your time.” Bob sighed, sitting down behind his desk. Lorraine pretended not to notice the way his chair creaked beneath him. “I suppose,” Bob replied, putting out the last bit of his cigarette in a glass ashtray, “but please make it quick. I’m a very busy man.” He gestured for Lorraine to sit in one of the velvet chairs, but she did not.

“Maybe you already know this,” Lorraine began, “but I’ve been working for your newspaper for two years now, Bob. I’ve given you all I could in regards to the best dishes to serve at Christmas dinner, and which household cleaning techniques are timeless. I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me, but I’m not living up to my potential.”

She paced the room as she spoke, maintaining eye contact with Bob, who seemed to be growing more uncomfortable the longer she spoke. He shifted in his seat, which cried out for help.

“I’m done writing these puff pieces,” Lorraine concluded. “I’d like the opportunity to show you what I’m capable of.”

Bob pulled out another cigarette and lit it. “What do you want? Watergate?” he asked, the tone in his voice making it clear that he wasn’t offering. “I can’t put just anyone on Watergate,

Lorraine. It’s a big deal. History in the making. We need the facts.”

“I can give you the facts,” Lorraine shot back at him. “But I don’t want Watergate. I have my own idea in mind.”

Bob raised his eyebrows as if to say, Let’s hear it.

“Cultists.”

“Manson’s old news, man!” Bob laughed. He took a drag from his cigarette and blew out smoke as he spoke. “No one cares anymore.”

Lorraine shook her head. “That’s not true. There have been reports of several copycat crimes in San Francisco, as well as other cult activities that seem to be unrelated to The Family. There is a subculture growing right under our noses, and I think our readers need to be warned. I want to show them how these people think. I want to go undercover.”

Bob choked on his smoke. “No way,” he said once he finally caught his breath. “That is way too dangerous. Can’t risk it.”

“If it were a man bringing you this idea you wouldn’t think twice about it.”

“Oh, don’t give me that feminist bullshit!”

Lorraine stood directly in front of Bob and placed both hands on his desk, leaning down so that she was eye level with him. “I can do this,” she said. “You’ll see.”

She spun around and left his office, ignoring him as he called out for her.

Lorraine began visiting local clubs and bars in hopes of finding her way in. She guessed that she wouldn’t have a lot of luck at the discos, so she mostly stuck to hole-in-the-wall places.

It took almost a month, but her persistence paid off.

She took notice of the young man because of the upside down cross scratched into his upper arm. She knew from her research that it was common for cultists to carve symbols into their skin. This, along with his long black hair and dark clothing, gave her hope.

“Battle scar?” she asked, taking a seat next to him at the bar.

He turned to her with indifference. “Something like that,” he replied.

“My name’s Sheila,” Lorraine lied, extending her hand. The young man looked at it, but didn’t shake it.

“Jeremy,” he said.

“Nice to meet you,” Lorraine said, retracting her hand. She looked down at her striped turtleneck and blue jeans and wished she had worn something that might have impressed him. “So, what’s your story?”

Jeremy sighed and took a long swig from his drink. “It’s a drag,” he replied. “I doubt you’d be able to make it through the whole thing.

“Try me,” Lorraine said.

Jeremy shook his head and laughed in a way that lacked humor. Lorraine knew she was about to miss her shot, so she called the bartender over. If there was one thing she’d learned about men in her lifetime, it was that nothing sweetened their moods better than alcohol. Before the bartender made it over, however, Jeremy stood up from his seat.

“I’m getting out of here,” he said, grabbing his jacket. “It was nice meeting you, Sherry.”

Lorraine tried to stop him, but failed. She was pretty sure he’d said her name wrong on purpose, which stung even when it wasn’t her real name. She ordered a drink for herself and had just taken her first sip when Jeremy’s abandoned seat was filled.

“He looked like a total loser anyway.”

Lorraine looked over and saw a petite girl with long blonde hair and a floral print dress. She made Lorraine feel a little less out of place.

“Oh, yeah, I guess,” Lorraine said.

“My name’s Amy,” the petite girl said.

“I’m Sheila,” Lorraine said. Even if Amy wasn’t a part of Lorraine’s story, she didn’t want her real name getting around that particular scene.

“So, Sheila,” Amy said, “what exactly attracted you to that guy? Was it the eyeliner?”

Lorraine laughed and quickly thought of a lie. “I just got out of a relationship, and I guess I just liked the fact that he’s nothing like my ex-boyfriend.”

Lorraine expected sympathy from Amy, but instead she rolled her eyes and groaned. “Men are pigs, Sheila! They’re disgusting, they’re stupid, and they’re entitled.”

Amy’s outburst took Lorraine by surprise. She let out a startled laugh.

“Why are you laughing?” Amy asked. “You know I’m right.

Have you ever heard of Margaret Hamilton?” Lorraine shook her head.

“Of course you haven’t. Margaret wrote the code that was used on Apollo. She put humanity on the moon, dude! But who gets all the glory? Those stupid assholes they sent out there!”

“Wow,” Lorraine said, “I can’t believe I never knew that. Is that really true?”

“Of course it is! Sheila, baby, there’s a whole world out there that men have hidden away to keep this illusion that they’re more powerful than we are.”

Lorraine thought about this. She was ashamed that she didn’t know about Margaret Hamilton. She considered herself quite educated, and she genuinely did care about women’s rights.

How had she let herself be fooled?

“I can see the disappointment on your face,” Amy said, placing her hand comfortingly on Lorraine’s back. “It’s okay. I was like you once. But then I met a group of women who changed me.”

“Who are they?” Lorraine asked. Something about Amy’s intensity made her wonder if she was on the right track after all.

“I like you, Sheila,” Amy laughed. “You’re very driven. I can take you to the girls and introduce you, but I can’t promise they’ll like you.”

Lorraine decided go with Amy, although she had no clue where it might lead.

Lorraine wasn’t expecting an hour and a half ride in Amy’s station wagon, but that was what she got. The drive was filled with Joni Mitchell’s music and Amy’s ranting. Lorraine remained uncharacteristically quiet until Amy pulled over and stopped the car.

“Do you guys always hang out in the middle of nowhere?” Lorraine asked.

“We like privacy,” Amy responded. She reached over into the glove compartment and pulled out a silk, paisley printed scarf.

“Tie this around your eyes.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can’t let you know where this place is until the girls have accepted you.”

Lorraine took a deep breath and followed Amy’s order. She wondered if she’d trusted this stranger too quickly.

“I’ll lead you, don’t worry,” Amy said. She got out of the car and went around to Lorraine’s door. Lorraine took her hand and followed nervously behind her into the woods. She stumbled along, feeling twigs snapping and rocks rolling beneath her feet. As they walked further she smelled the rich smoke of a large fire, and could begin to feel the heat as well. Then, she noticed voices.

“Hey, it’s Amy!” came a soft female voice once they’d gotten closer.

“I’m back,” she confirmed, “and I’ve brought someone with me.”

Amy removed Lorraine’s blindfold, revealing the scene in front of her. She saw a small cabin, in front of it the large bonfire she had smelled, surrounded by two women and, surprisingly, one young man. One of the girls had short brown hair and wore a plaid button up with blue jeans. The other girl was olive skinned with long black hair in tight curls. She wore a knee length, lilac colored dress. The man was bare chested and wore a pair of blue jeans. None of them were wearing shoes.

“Sheila, these are my sisters, Alice and Katherine,” Alice said, pointing to the dark skinned girl and the brunette, respectively. “Tim over there is an honorary member of our group. A special friend.” She winked after the last comment.

Lorraine said hello, hoping that her anxiety was passing as excitement. She was beyond thrilled to have lucked into the very situation she was searching for, but now that she was there she couldn’t help but get nervous. What if she messed it up? The door to the cabin opened, and out walked the most beautiful woman Lorraine had ever seen. She was tall, with dark red hair that fell down in soft waves to her waist, which was curved like a pear. She wore a long white gown and, like the others, no shoes. Lorraine thought that the woman’s feet looked more clean that everyone else’s.

“Welcome home, Amy,” the woman said with a voice that was somehow both soft and compelling. “Who is your friend?”

“Her name is Sheila,” Alice answered. “She’s seen the truth and is ready to learn more of her power as a woman.”

Lorraine hoped the group didn’t notice how profusely she’d begun to sweat. She needed to impress them so she could learn more.

“Hello Sheila,” the woman said. “My name is Veronica.

I’m pleased that you’re able to join us.”

“Th-thank you,” Lorraine stuttered, blood rushing to color her face.

“As you can see, we’re a very selective group of people. We worship our mother goddess, Athena, and make sure to exclude the unworthy from our practices. She deserves only the most devoted. Do you think you could devote yourself entirely to the mother goddess?”

Lorraine’s heart pounded. She’d been imagining this scenario for weeks, but she still felt unprepared. She was about to join a real cult—but she knew it would be worth it.

“Yes. . . Yes, of course I could.”

Veronica smiled. “Alice, Katherine,” she said, “take Tim into the cabin. Amy and I need a moment alone with our new friend.” The girls complied, draping themselves over Tim in a way that made Lorraine consider the meaning of ‘special friend’.

“Come, let’s sit by the fire,” Veronica suggested. She took the sole chair, leaving Amy and Lorraine to sit on the ground.

“Tell us about yourself, Sheila,” Veronica said.

Lorraine thought about whether or not she should tell the truth. She didn’t want them to know too much about her, but this was also her first time going undercover and she didn’t want to get caught in a lie.

“Well, I’m twenty-three years old. No husband. No kids.” “That’s good!” Amy said. “You’re a smart woman. You’re independent.”

“What do you do for a living?” Veronica asked.

“I’m. . . a writer.”

“A writer? What do you write?”

“Oh, um. . . Just silly things.”

“Silly according to whom?” Veronica’s mouth pursed into a look of

disapproval. “You should take pride in your work, no matter what it may be.”

Lorraine knew she had to lie at this point, obviously. There was no telling what they would do to her if they knew she was a journalist.

“I write children’s books,” she said. “But I haven’t had much luck getting published, so I waitress to pay the bills.”

“Children’s books?” Amy said with a scoff. “You can’t do better than that? You’re proving everyone right who says women are just here to nurture!”

“Amy,” Veronica hissed, glaring at her underling. Amy’s eyes widened for a moment before she hung her head sullenly. “There’s nothing wrong with what you do,” Veronica continued, reaching down to run her hand softly over Lorraine’s hair. Lorraine loved the feeling. “You’re a creative woman fighting to make ends meet because you refuse to give up on your passion. It’s commendable. Amy just gets a little too excited sometimes.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Lorraine said. “She was just speaking her mind. That’s good, right?”

Veronica glanced at Amy over her shoulder. “Around here we like to use our brains first. Right, Amy?”

Amy nodded quietly. The interaction didn’t sit well with Lorraine. She hoped that she would be able to deal with Veronica’s icy exterior if it were ever directed at her.

Veronica smiled, and it was like a switch had been flipped, changing her persona back to the warm, inviting one she’d begun with. “Let’s go inside, shall we?” she suggested. “We can show Sheila where she’ll be sleeping.”

Lorraine followed Veronica and Amy to the cabin, noting that Amy seemed to be slowly cheering back up. The cabin seemed bigger from the inside, mostly because there was very little furniture. There was a black leather couch and matching armchair in what Lorraine supposed was the living room, and a small card table in the adjoining kitchen. The place reeked of pot and there was quite a bit of garbage strewn everywhere.

Veronica and Amy led Lorraine through the room to a small hallway with two doors. Upon opening one they found Alice,

Katherine, and Tim mostly naked on one of four twin sized beds. Lorraine realized that her earlier assumption about Tim’s role in the group was right. He grabbed his jeans and fumbled to get them back on as Alice laughed and Katherine pouted.

“Man, things were just getting started,” Katherine whined.

“There will be plenty of time for that later,” Veronica assured her, patting Tim on the head. “Right, Timothy?”

Tim’s mouth opened and closed a few times, wordless, before he nodded quietly. Alice, still wearing nothing but her white cotton panties, rose from the bed and put an arm around Lorraine’s shoulders.

“So, are we getting a new sister?” she asked. Lorraine was about to embrace her undercover alias and confirm enthusiastically, but Veronica spoke first.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” she said. “Sheila has to prove herself, just like everyone else did.”

Lorraine’s stomach dropped. “What do I have to do?” she asked.

“We’ll discuss that later,” Veronica replied. “You must be exhausted. You can sleep in Tim’s bed tonight, and one of the girl’s will share her bed with him.”

“I’ll do it!” Katherine volunteered cheerfully.

Amy stomped over to where Tim was sitting and yanked him off the bed forcefully. “I’m the only one who hasn’t had him tonight,” she said. “It’s only fair that he sleeps with me.”

Katherine rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. As everyone took to their beds Lorraine realized with dread that Tim’s was the bed they had just been using.

“Okay everyone, be sure to thank your mother goddess before you fall asleep,” Veronica said as she was about to turn out the light.

“Wait, can I use the restroom?” Lorraine asked. “Unfortunately, there is only one bathroom in the cabin, and I don’t share it,” Veronica said. “Everyone else goes outside at the edge of the woods. There’s a flashlight by the door.”

Lorraine thanked her and headed through the cabin, grabbing the flashlight on her way. She marched quickly out to the woods and made sure no one had followed her before pulling out the small notebook and pencil she’d been keeping in her pocket. She placed her flashlight on the ground so she could write.

October 5, 1973

After weeks of searching, I’ve finally found the subjects of my story. There are five of them—Veronica, Amy, Alice, Katherine, and Tim—and they live in a cabin in God-knows-where. I’m going to have a hell of a time getting out of here when this is all over. Veronica is obviously the Manson of the group. Everyone else grovels at her feet. She has her own bedroom and bathroom while everyone else must share a room and use the bathroom in the woods— and they all seem happy to let her have these privileges! I need to find out how long this has been going on, and why Veronica has so much power.

Lorraine put her notes away and headed back to the cabin, anxious about what would happen in the following days but sure that she needed to follow through with what she had started.

The next morning Lorraine woke up to a crushing blow to the ribs. All the air was knocked from her lungs and she struggled to refill them as Amy squirmed around on top of her.

“Good morning, new sister!” she shouted, raising her arms in the air to expose her unshaved armpits. Lorraine tried not to stare at them—or at her breasts, as she was not fully clothed.

“You heard what Veronica said,” Alice reminded her, rolling over in her bed to face them.

“Oh please, getting accepted is the easiest thing,” Amy said, finally sliding off of Lorraine’s chest. Lorraine took a deep breath before tossing her blanket aside.

Amy let out a loud, monosyllabic laugh. “You slept in your clothes?”

“Well, I didn’t have anything else,” Lorraine replied. She watched in surprise as Alice yawned and sat up, revealing that she was completely nude. Lorraine felt her face heating up as she looked over at Amy’s bed and realized that Tim was naked as well.

Amy reached into a drawer and pulled out a white ball of fabric. “Here,” she said, tossing it to Lorraine. “You need to get comfortable.”

Lorraine held it up to see that it was a cotton dress that was very much see-through. She reluctantly stood up and changed, turning her back to everyone as if they wouldn’t be able to see her body through the dress once she got it on. She hid her pencil and notes in the waistband of her underwear while Amy, Alice, and Tim took turns going to the dresser and getting their own clothes.

“So where is Katherine?” Lorraine asked, suddenly noticing her absence.

“It’s her turn to make breakfast,” Alice replied, opening the bedroom door. She inhaled deeply through her nose. “Smells like waffles!”

Lorraine followed everyone into the kitchen where Katherine was indeed making waffles.

“Good morning!” Amy said, kissing Katherine hard on the cheek. She was definitely the most cheerful of the group.

Katherine turned around and shushed her. “Chill out, Veronica’s still asleep. You’ll wake her.”

Lorraine took a seat at the small card table with everyone else. “So, what’s next for me?” she asked.

“That’s up to Veronica,” Katherine said, laying out a plate stacked high with waffles before taking the final seat. “She’ll find a way for you to prove your loyalty.”

“What did she make you guys do?” Lorraine asked, waiting for everyone else to fill their plates before she grabbed a couple of waffles for herself. Amy passed around a bottle of syrup.

“Oh, we can’t tell you that,” Alice said. “At least, not until you’re officially one of us.”

“Well, what about your history? How did you all come together?”

The girls all looked around at each other and Tim stared down at his waffles as he chewed slowly. Lorraine worried that she might be asking too many questions, but finally Alice spoke up.

“Well, Veronica started it all,” she said. “She was married to a fascist pig who beat her a lot. Finally she got sick of it and left him to live out here on her own.”

“She’s so brave,” Amy said, and everyone nodded in agreement. “She has such a strong, powerful mind. She came out here and she had all these brilliant breakthroughs about male-dominated societies and how if more women could just get out here like she did, away from it all, they would realize that we’re the true leaders and we’ve been suppressed all along because men are so afraid of losing their control over us.”

“She found me first,” Katherine said. “It must have been about two years ago. I was in such a bad place. I was selling myself on the streets to buy dope. I was fucked up, man. But then Veronica found me and brought me here. She helped me come down from the drugs through meditation. It was tough, but she got me through it. Now I just do psychedelics—pot and shrooms, you know? It was just us for a little while, until I found Alice.”

Alice smiled and took Katherine’s hand. “Katherine overheard me getting torn into by my boss at the park one day,” she said. “I was a nanny for his little boy, who was just as rotten as he was. I turned my back for only a moment and the kid had fallen off the swings and smacked his head on the ground. I couldn’t take it, so I yelled right back at the son of a bitch and he fired me. I guess Katherine liked my spirit. Then a few months later I brought Amy home.”

“I’m so grateful that she did,” Amy cut in. “I was living with my parents and it was such a drag. They thought that because I was only sixteen that they should get to control my whole life. Especially my dad. He never let me go anywhere except for church and school because he thought I was going to come home stoned or knocked up. Lucky for me he wasn’t very smart so I was able to sneak out when he was asleep. I was going to concerts every weekend, and that’s how I met Alice. I’ve been here for about five months, so it was my turn to go out and find a new sister!”

Amy grinned at Lorraine before taking a huge bite of her waffles. Lorraine swallowed hard, fighting to hide her shock at Amy’s story. She was very energetic, but Lorraine never would have thought that she was so young. The poor girl was kidnapped and didn’t even know it.

“What about you, Tim?” Lorraine asked. He hadn’t said a single word the whole time Lorraine had been with them, and she was starting to suspect that he wasn’t allowed to. He looked up at her with wide eyes.

“After Alice came along we decided that we needed to practice our dominance,” Katherine answered for him. “Plus, we needed to embrace our sexuality. We brought a few guys out here but we only wanted to keep one, at least for now.”

Alice leaned in close to Lorraine. “Tim had the biggest cock, that’s why we chose him.”

Tim’s face turned red as he choked on his food. The girls all laughed.

“If you’re trying to practice being dominant, why do you have a leader?” Lorraine asked, immediately regretting it as the girls all gave her the same cold stare.

“What do you mean?” Katherine asked, her voice stern. “Well, it just seems like Veronica treats you all the same way the men in your lives did.”

No one moved or spoke. With all the girls still watching her, Lorraine felt pressed to continue.

“Why should anyone be dominant, anyway? Why can’t we all just be in control of ourselves and no one else?”

“Veronica isn’t dominating us,” Katherine snapped. “She’s guiding us. She’s earned her place as the head of the household, and we respect her because of it.”

There was a creak in the floor and as she turned, Lorraine realized that Veronica had been listening—and she had no idea for how long. She struggled to find words, but Veronica spoke first.

“Come, Sheila. Follow me.”

Lorraine nervously rose from the table and followed

Veronica out of the cabin. She was led to the opposite end of the woods as she’d gone the night before, and not far into the trees there was a small shrine.

“It’s okay to be curious about our intentions,” Veronica said once they reached the shrine. “I understand why you think that equality should be our goal, but I think that if you spend some time with our mother goddess you’ll realize that women are naturally superior and that we’ve been held back long enough.” Veronica knelt in front of the shrine, so Lorraine did the same. There was a one foot tall statue of Athena surrounded by various candles and crystals. Veronica struck a match and lit the candles.

“I’ll let you be alone,” she said, standing back up. “Come join us inside when you’ve decided if you think you belong here.”

Lorraine waited until Veronica was back inside the cabin before pulling out her notebook and pencil.

October 6, 1973

Well, I got some answers. It seems that Veronica started seeking out followers after leaving an abusive husband. What surprises me the most is that she started out doing something good—she helped Katherine give up dope. Or maybe Katherine was just easy pickings because she was so drugged up. I can see why these girls were brainwashed so easily. Katherine was shooting dope, Alice had just lost her job, and Amy was only sixteen!

Somewhere out there her parents are going mad looking for her. Hopefully I can track them down after I leave this place. I’m still not sure how Tim got dragged into this mess, but I’m sure the promise of endless sex had something to do with it. Now I have to go back inside and convince them that I’m on board so that I can find out what it takes to become one of them. Then, hopefully, I’ll have my story.

Lorraine tucked away her notes and blew out the candles before going back to the cabin. Inside everyone sat at the table, waiting.

“Well, did the mother goddess speak to you?” Veronica asked.

“Yes, she did,” Lorraine answered, standing before them. “I see now that I was wrong, and I’m ashamed that I’ve let myself be put down by the man for so long. I have so much potential, as all women do. If you’ll have me, I would love the opportunity to learn from you.”

Lorraine hoped that she sounded genuine. Katherine, Amy, Alice, and Tim all watched Veronica, waiting along with Lorraine for her response. Finally, she stood and walked over to Lorraine.

She placed her hands on Lorraine’s shoulders.

“You have so much to learn,” she said. “You’re lucky you found us.”

The girls all cheered. Lorraine’s shoulders sagged with relief.

“Thank you. Thank you so much,” she said. “Just tell me what I have to do.”

“You’ll find out tonight,” Veronica said. “I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. Alice, will you go and get what we need?”

Alice hopped up from the table. “Of course,” she said, and then she left the cabin.

“I don’t expect her back until late,” Veronica said. “Until then you can help the others with the chores. I’ll be in my room, meditating to prepare for tonight.”

As Lorraine helped clean the dishes she hoped that she could do what they asked of her, and that it would make a good story.

Lorraine ran her hands down the black silk dress she’d been given to wear during the ceremony. Night had fallen, and Alice was expected back at any moment, so everyone was busy preparing. Lorraine’s dress clung to her body, so she decided to hide her notes—which she’d been adding to all day—under Tim’s mattress.

“How’s it going?” Amy asked as she entered the room. A smile quickly spread across her face. “Man, that dress was made for you!”

Lorraine smiled at the compliment. She’d spent her whole life trying to be seen as a strong, powerful woman, so she rarely wore dresses. If there was one thing she would personally take away from her experience, it would be that she could still be strong while allowing herself to be a bit more feminine.

“You’re going to do great,” Amy said. “I can feel it. There’s this energy radiating from you, and I can tell that you’ll do anything to get what you want. This trial will be a piece of cake.”

As if on cue, Alice arrived in the doorway. “Alright, everything’s ready,” she said, taking Lorraine’s hand. She placed a pill in her palm. “This’ll take the edge off, make what you’re about to do a little easier. Just remember that you’re taking back what’s rightfully yours.”

Lorraine had no idea what the pill was. She popped it into her mouth but didn’t swallow. She followed Alice and Amy outside, where the bonfire was burning bright again. While no one was looking, she let the pill fall out of her mouth and onto the ground.

Once they got closer to the fire she saw that Veronica and Katherine were waiting, but Tim wasn’t there. She thought that he must be excluded because he’s not an official member. She made a mental note of this for her story.

“Welcome,” Veronica said, holding out her arms. She was wearing the same gown as Lorraine, but in red. “Let us begin.”

Amy and Alice joined Katherine at Veronica’s side, leaving Lorraine to stand alone, facing them. Veronica began with a general prayer to Athena, and then spoke about Lorraine.

“Mother Goddess, this young woman has come to us in need of guidance. She has much to learn, but much potential. Reach out to her, and if she is worthy, let her show us through her actions here tonight.”

She stopped and remained silent for a moment. Lorraine was beginning to wonder if she was supposed to say something next when she heard a sound from the woods. She couldn’t quite make it out at first, but as it got closer she clearly recognized the sound of muffled screaming. She turned and saw Tim emerge from the trees, dragging a body behind him. Lorraine’s heart sped up.

“Sheila, Amy tells me you’ve met this young man,”

Veronica said. As Tim pulled the man closer, Lorraine realized that it was Jeremy—the man from the bar. Amy smiled next to Veronica, but her eyes looked worried and frightened as if she hadn’t known this was the plan.

“Uh, yes,” Lorraine said, “I mean—sort of.”

Tim let go of Jeremy, but his hands and feet were tied so that he couldn’t get up. He thrashed around wildly.

“You approached him and he rejected you, correct?” Veronica asked.

Lorraine nodded, staring down at Jeremy in horror. She had no idea it would come this far. Technically Amy was kidnapped, but she’d come here of her own free will. This was so much worse. Why had they brought him here? How could she help him without compromising the story?

“Sounds like he needs to learn his place,” Veronica continued. “Tim has been a good boy, but with you joining us I’m afraid there won’t be enough of him to go around. So, tonight you’re going to help us welcome Jeremy to our home.”

She reached down and picked up a long stick, then lit it with the bonfire. She handed it to Lorraine. “Burn him. Not enough to kill him, but enough that really hurts. We have to break his spirit.”

Everyone watched and waited. Lorraine looked down at Jeremy, who was looking back at her with pleading eyes. His face was covered in sweat and dirt. It felt surreal to see him like this, so different than he’d been the night before. It occurred to Lorraine that if she had swallowed the pill she’d been given, its effect might have tempted her to go through with it. The sense of power was overwhelming. But her mind was clear, and she was strong.

“I can’t do that,” she said, throwing the stick into the fire. Amy gasped, Alice shut her eyes in disappointment, and Katherine glared through Lorraine. Veronica tilted her chin upward.

“I thought you wanted to take control,” she said. “This is how you do that.”

“No, it’s not,” Lorraine argued. “If I do this, I’m giving up control to you. I don’t care about having control over some random guy—an innocent man. I care about having control over myself.”

Veronica smiled sadly and turned around, her movements hidden by the shadows of the fire. “You heard her, Tim.”

Tim quickly grabbed Lorraine’s arms and held them behind her back. Veronica turned back around, wielding a large knife. Lorraine immediately started fighting to free herself, but Tim was much stronger than her.

“Wait, maybe we can talk to her,” Amy said, grabbing

Veronica’s arm. Veronica pushed her off, slicing Amy’s hand in the process. Amy cried out and fell to the ground.

“She’s made her decision, and so has Athena,” Veronica replied. Katherine and Alice stood behind her quietly as she moved toward Lorraine.

As Lorraine fought against Tim’s hold on her, she felt his sweaty hands losing their grip. She slammed her head back against his face as hard as she could and he stumbled backward, finally losing her completely.

Veronica screamed and lunged at Lorraine, but Lorraine jumped out of the way. Her victory was short lived, though, as Katherine and Alice pinned her to the ground in the next moment.

“Stop, please, I won’t tell anyone,” Lorraine screamed, knowing that it was hopeless. She tried to think of a way out, but she couldn’t move and Veronica had gotten up and was standing over her with the knife. Her hair was messy and her dress was covered in dirt—her perfect image gone.

“This is for Athena,” she said, raising the knife. Lorraine wanted to shut her eyes, but she couldn’t. She watched helplessly, screaming desperately—but before Veronica could plunge the knife into her, Tim came up from behind and struck her in the head with a rock.

Veronica crumpled to the ground and Tim jumped straight to Alice. “You fucking bitches!” he shouted, his hands tight around

Alice’s throat. “I can’t take this anymore!”

Katherine jumped up to help Alice, freeing Lorraine.

Lorraine grabbed Veronica’s knife and stood on wobbly legs. Katherine looked up at her and screamed in anger. She abandoned Alice to attack Lorraine, and the knife slid into Katherine’s abdomen. She fell to the ground next to Veronica.

Lorraine looked over at Tim, who stood over Alice’s dead body—her neck snapped. They watched each other silently for a moment before Tim darted off into the woods. Lorraine looked back down at Katherine. She wasn’t dead, but she would be.

Jeremy’s muffled screams caught Lorraine’s attention again. She knelt down and pulled the tape off his mouth and then used the knife to cut him free. “There’s still one more!” he cried, pointing behind Lorraine. Lorraine turned around to see Amy curled up on the ground, sobbing.

“I’m so sorry,” she cried. Lorraine rushed over and pulled her to her feet. In her frightened state Amy seemed much more her age.

“It’s okay Amy, I’m going to get you home,” Lorraine said.

“Where are the keys to the car?”

“In Veronica’s room,” Amy answered, her body still shaking. “I’m so sorry, I never knew they would do something like this. When I joined they made me kill a rabbit, that’s it!”

“It’s okay, just wait here,” Lorraine told her before turning back to Jeremy. “Watch her, I’ll be right back.”

Jeremy seemed hesitant, but he didn’t argue. Lorraine ran into the cabin and through it to Veronica’s bedroom. There was a queen sized bed and a television set, which didn’t particularly surprise Lorraine. She spotted the car keys on the bedside table and grabbed them, then rushed to the other bedroom. She grabbed her notes from under Tim’s mattress and considered changing out of the ripped, filthy dress, but Jeremy and Amy were waiting for her so she didn’t. She met them outside and they made the walk to the highway where the car was still sitting.

“Can you drive?” Lorraine asked, tossing Jeremy the keys. “I don’t even know where the fuck we are,” he said, climbing into the driver’s seat.

“Neither do I,” Lorraine said. She got into the back seat with Amy so that she could console her. “Just follow the signs back to the city and go straight to the police station.”

Ten minutes later Amy had cried herself to sleep. Lorraine pulled out her notes and wrote as fast as she could, filling up most of book with the story of this twisted group of girls and their warped sense of women’s empowerment. When they reached the city the sun was coming up and everyone was beginning their work days.

“Wait, can we make a stop first?” Lorraine asked. Jeremy looked back at her like she was insane. “It’ll be quick, I promise,” she said.

He let her out in front of the Chronicle’s front doors and she assured him again that she would be right out before rushing upstairs. The hall was already bustling with busy workers trying to get the next issue. Lorraine was about halfway across the hall when everything started slowing down. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, and she’d caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window as she’d entered so she couldn’t blame them. She reached Bob’s door and stormed through it without knocking.

“What the fuck,” Bob yelled, spinning around in his chair. He was on the phone, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He looked Lorraine up and down and quickly put the cigarette out. “I’m going to have to call you back later, man,” he said, hanging up his phone. “Lorraine, baby, what the hell happened to you?”

Lorraine walked up to his desk and slammed her notes down.

“Just read it,” she said. “I’m going to be tied up for a while, but you can get someone else to tidy up any errors. The content is there, and it’s good.”

“What exactly am I reading?” he asked wearily, picking up the notes.

“The inside story,” she answered.

#stories #short story #historical fiction #thriller #horror #psychological horror #rachel greenwood #cult #manson #writeblr #writeblr community #the inside story

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quoththeraven-never-more · 6 years ago

Text

Boyfriends

Pairing: Jeremy Knox x Jean Moreau The boys deciding upon a label!

Read it on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16130750

Jean had just tugged on a shirt after his shower when Jeremy shoved a piece of paper into his chest. He caught him by surprise, but the year and a half that Jean had spent away from the nest had done wonders for his nerves and he simply rolled his eyes at the other man.

Jeremy beamed up at him. "Hey, take me to this?"

Jean blinked and then peeled the note off his chest, looking down at it. "What is it, Jer?"

"Well, read it and see!"

Jean rolled his eyes and then chuckled, scanning the paper quickly. "A dance? You want to go to a dance?"

"Yes. I need to bring a date, and, well, you're the closest I've got, right?" Jeremy’s hair was damp from sweat, curling up by the nape of his neck and beading up by his collar.

Jean shrugged and then gave him a small smile. "Yeah, alright."

Jeremy grinned and crossed his arms. They weren't boyfriends. Not officially. They'd kissed, once or twice. Ten times, maybe. Jean had been uncomfortable at the start- it had been a pretty weird night- but once they'd started cuddling up together, spooning, he’d warmed up to the idea of having Jeremy close like that, both emotionally and physically.

Jean wasn't too affectionate though, and Jeremy knew this was just him being nervous about a relationship of any kind. Physical affection was hard to come by in the nest- understatement of the year- and so, Jean didn’t really know what to do with it when he was presented with it. It was valid, it made sense, but Jeremy still yearned for more. More kissing, more hand-holding.

And more dancing.

Jeremy had always liked dancing. Slow dancing, especially, his mother had taught him when he was a kid, his feet on top of hers. And he was excited about the dance. Ecstatic, really. However, he was worried Jean would back out and leave him alone. That would be the worst, he was pretty sure.

Jean brushed against him as he put the flyer in his locker, so he wouldn’t forget it. "Of course I'll go with you, Jeremy."

"You'll dance with me, yeah?" Jeremy ran a hand through his hair. Still drenched with sweat after practice, it stuck up at all sorts of angles, falling down slowly.

Jean stared at him, his cheeks flushing, and he reached out to push it back to how Jeremy usually kept it during practice. He knew that Jeremy liked it when he was more affectionate, so he ignored his own awkwardness and let his hand linger a little. "Of course, did you think that I would leave you alone?"

He messed up his hair and then smiled again, Jeremy’s curls tumbling down again. "I was trained to dance when I was very young, you know."

"You were?!" Jeremy went a light shade of red. He was lucky that they had the changing room to themselves, otherwise Jean probably wouldn't have been as affectionate as he was. The rest of the team had gone by the time Jean usually showered, so they were left alone there a lot. Not that Jeremy was complaining.

Jean nodded and then glanced around the locker room, leaning in to kiss him. "My parents intended to sell me, they wanted me to be valuable."

Jeremy frowned and then let his fingers graze along Jean’s jaw. He hated hearing about how horrible Jean’s childhood had been, but he didn’t begrudge the man the right to talk about his past. Jean’s mental health was worth more than the fact that Jeremy got angry whenever he heard about it, anyway. "Right, right."

"Go and shower, Jeremy." Jean chuckled and then turned Jeremy's face away. “You’re sweaty.”

"One second!" Jeremy's hands drifted to Jean's sides and he grinned. "Will you teach me how to dance later then, so I don't look like an idiot trying to keep up?"

"Of course I will." Jean kissed him again, and then took his hands. "Do you want me to wait for you?"

"Do you want to wait for me?" Please say yes.

"Of course. I'll be here, Jeremy." Jeremy left another kiss on Jean's cheek and started getting out of his clothes as he went to take his shower.

Jean stretched his shoulders out and sat down on the bench, letting his legs stick out as he waited for his not-boyfriend. He wasn't really sure what he was to Jeremy, but he wasn't complaining. Staring at Jeremy's ass as he went to the shower, he definitely wasn't complaining.

Jeremy was gorgeous. His stature wasn't a factor in the slightest, in fact, it made him even cuter, more attractive. Jeremy was up to his shoulder, and that made it all the easier to spoon him and give him cuddles. He was soft, and it was adorable.

Not to mention his body was spectacular. Barely a mark on it, which Jean admired and adored. Jeremy hated when he complimented it, he thought he was too short, too fat, too thick, but Jean thought he was perfect.

Jeremy came out of the showers with a towel around his waist and his fringe flattened down over his forehead. Jean couldn't help but stare.

"You okay?"

Jean shrugged, and then looked him over again, before starting to gather his things. Jeremy never took too long to get dressed, and then he would be eager to get back to the dorms. "You're beautiful."

"Aw, shucks, Jean. Just wait till you see me all dolled up, in a tie and everything!"

Jean raised an eyebrow and then laughed, a quiet, delicate sound. "I could say the same."

* * * * * * * *

Jean had never taught anybody how to dance before, never mind someone who he was actually attracted to. Attraction at all was a fairly new thing for him, but he ignored that train of thought as he held his arms up for Jeremy to take them. There was no room for his wallowing, not when Jeremy was smiling and eager against him. They had cleared the area they needed in their shared dorm room, shoes and fallen pieces of clothing being pushed under the bed, and out to the corners of the room.

"Like this, put one hand on my shoulder and hold my other hand."

Jeremy snorted as he wrapped a hand around the man’s shoulder, almost having to go up onto the balls of his feet. "You're so tall, Jean, it's difficult!"

His light-heartedness was lost on the boy, who seemed to almost find the lesson to be mechanical. Maybe it was, for him. Jean kept his movements very clean and precise, showing Jeremy exactly what to do. It didn't seem to be very fun to him at all, but he was happy to be there with the shorter man.

Jeremy sighed eventually, tugging at Jean's shirt. He didn’t want this to be a chore for Jean at all. "Can you kiss me?"

Jean kissed him the same way he always did though, firm and passionate. His grip tightened on Jeremy's hand too, and he pulled the man closer. Jeremy let him pull away when he was ready, and he hummed thoughtfully. "Are you going to kiss me at the dance?"

"Would you like me to?" Jean raised an eyebrow.

"I would. But if you're not comfortable, that's okay." Jeremy knew that Jean’s boundaries were more like barbed wire fences than lines in the dirt, and he didn’t want either of them to get hurt.

"Then I will." Jean chuckled and then kissed his forehead.

"You want to?'

"Yes.” Jean chuckled and then spun him around, a clean movement that probably looked impressive. Jeremy really had picked the right partner. "Kissing you is nice."

Jeremy giggled. "You're a really good dancer..."

"You're a good student, actually."

"I am?" Jean nodded as he hummed and then turned him again, swaying gently. He seemed to be relaxing into it, having more fun with it.

Jeremy felt like he could dance with this boy forever.

He'd never liked a boy before. He wouldn't have even described himself as bi-curious. Then again, he hadn't ever had interest in anyone, only little crushes here and there. Being with Jean almost felt overdue, felt like it was something he'd been missing all this time, all these years.

Jean seemed to feel the same way too, even if they hadn't made it official. Jeremy had no idea why they hadn't made it official, either.

Maybe they were both nervous.

Jean had had enough of letting his fear get the best of him, though. The last twenty years of his life had been dominated by fear, and he didn’t want to let that define him anymore.

"Jeremy?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"Are we..." He didn't know how to say it, but he wouldn’t let that stop him. Jeremy wouldn’t laugh at him anyway. "Am I your boyfriend?"

Jeremy hummed. It felt like a loaded question, but he was sure that they were on the same page. "I... well, yeah... I think I would like that if that's what you also would... like."

Jean blinked and then bit his lip. "I've never... are you sure you want to?"

"I think so." Jeremy huffed. "I'm- I've never either, I don't know what I'm doing. I like us kissing. And I think- and I've never really thought about it with anyone- but I think I'd like more too."

He huffed a short laugh, and then pulled the other man closer again. "And I just like you a lot, Jean Moreau."

Jean reddened and then slid his hands down to Jeremy's sides. "I feel the same."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Jean moved them to the music. "You're the best thing in my life."

"I... I am?" Jeremy looked so pretty. He deserved so much, and Jean felt he could only give so little.

Jean kissed him, moving a hand up to thread through his hair. "You are."

"Oh, Jean, you're so..." Jeremy reached up on his tip toes and pressed a kiss to Jean's lips. "Handsome... romantic... perfect!”

Jean shook his head and then twirled him again, chuckling. "I think you have those dances learned well by now, Jeremy."

"We're gonna be the stars of the dance, huh? All eyes on us?"

"Probably, yes. Although, it will just be because you look good in your suit."

"Not because I'd be kissing you, no?" Jeremy teased lightly. Jean grinned then, showing off the chipped tooth that Jeremy loved. It was rare, and it still took Jeremy's breath away whenever he saw it.

"Maybe that too."

Jeremy brought his hand up to the side of Jean's mouth, thumb tracing his lips. "I can't wait for the dance, then."

"Kiss me?"

When Jeremy kissed him, this time, they ended up on the bed. And Jean's shirt ended up on the floor. As did his jeans, and Jeremy's shorts.

Boyfriend.

Man, that was sweet.

#aftg #jerejean #jeremy knox #jean moreau #my fic #tfc #trk #fluff #ship #shipping #fluffy domestic #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king

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midnight-circus · 6 years ago

Text

alphabetical OC meme

filled this out for Lord Asshole bc i cant write anything so i may as well fill in questionnaires instead

also numerous numbers and at least one section were missing when i copied it so idk what happened there

under the cut bc its Long As Hell

A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? // Independence lmao. He could get through his whole life relying entirely on himself if need be. He wouldn’t be happy, but he’d survive. He’s also naturally intellectual and has never had to try very hard in academia.

2. what activities have they participated in? // literally what does this mean. Safe to say he’s not exactly playing team sports.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? // He’s had to work extremely hard to shed the bad habits learnt whilst growing up in a white aristocratic dysfunctional family. Other than that, he’s a talented pianist – the only thing his mother was ever proud of. Also sending work-emails that don’t make him sound like a total dick. still working on that tbh

4. what things are they bad at? // Honestly, anything creative. He’s very intelligent but has absolutely no artistic talent, and he’s not at all imaginative – creating something out of nothing when it doesn’t have a logical or scientific basis is pretty beyond him.

5. what is their most impressive talent? // In his original AU, and any fantasy AUs I force him kicking and screaming into, swordsmanship. He’s pretty untouchable with a blade.

B: Basics 1. what is their hair color?// Dark brown, close to black.

2. what is their eye color? // Also dark brown.

3. how tall are they? // 6’2

4. how old are they? // He fluctuates depending on the AU, but his default base-age is 34.

5. how much do they weigh? // Generally between 150-180lbs, depending on his age, eating habits and mental state. When he’s going through stress, his eating and sleeping patterns are the first to nosedive.

C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair? // His posture leaves a lot to be desired. He slouches pretty badly, and to be honest his height makes it difficult to get comfortable in most regular chairs. He also manspreads, though to be fair his legs are about 3 miles long and it’s hard to know where to put them honestly

2. in what position do they sleep? // Either on his side or his front. Never on his back.

4. what is their major comfort food? why? // oh man sugar. His eating habits aren’t good at the best of times, but when he’s feeling Mentally Ill he’s prone to 4am binges of as much sugar as conceivably possible in one sitting. He then goes for a 5am run until he throws up, so yknow. all nice and healthy.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down? // Elrick. Gross. Also Kat, to be fair.

D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name? // He’s very fond of Nordic design and tries to keep vibrancy to a minimum, because he’s a boring bitch. Light walls, dark woods, pretty stylish furniture but no chrome Thank You Very Much; accent colours would probably be dark blues or greens. Plants, but only if he doesn’t have to water them because he Will forget and they Will all die. He’s also anal as fuck and despises mess and disorder, which makes living with Elrick fuckin interesting to say the least.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room? // however they wanted as long as it wasn’t pastels bc a man has to draw the line somewhere

3. how do they decorate their own room? // muted, calm, maybe a little regency – he accessorises more in the bedroom than he does in the rest of the house, gold accents here and there, that sort of thing. Less austere, more opulent. At the end of the day, he’s from an aristocratic background, however unhealthy his upbringing was – he can never quite shed the appreciation for luxe.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear? // He dresses well – very put-together, if very monochrome. He doesn’t do casual very well and will avoid jeans unless he has no other choice. He would quite literally rather die than wear shorts. As for colours, generally blacks, greys, dark jewel-tones (maroons, dark greens, dark purples, etc). Very rarely light colours, and if he does wear light tones he layers them – a white shirt under a dark leather jacket, for example. As for accessories, he stays simple with a decent watch (Patek Phillipe, thanks, none of this Rolex bullshit) and two rings (wedding ring and onyx signet ring – family heirloom, the only one he has). He knows how to dress to suit himself.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends? // >:[

E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality? // For the most part. How he behaves has been moulded over many years by how he thinks and feels, and it’s hard to shed the habits of a lifetime. EG, he’s very neurotic and it does have an impact on his organisation – if his mental state slips into decline, so too does his command over his surroundings and his ability to keep things on track.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm? // Again, for the most part. A key element of his upbringing was the overbearing sense of being watched, being judged, being on display; one behaves the way one is expected to behave, and one never deviates from that path. Obviously he fucked that one right up when he started putting dicks in his mouth, but it still remains something of a mantra.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing? // Neither, really. He doesn’t follow trends because he’s actually 70 years old and doesn’t know what they are, but nor is he particularly unconventional. He does his own thing because he has no idea what anybody else is currently doing.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads? // oh god no. he has a twitter account but the last time he used it he got drunk and tweeted at jeremy paxman that he was a cunt so he doesn’t really engage with it very much

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own? // People are left to figure it out. He doesn’t go out of his way to make friends or advertise his personality – he’s friendly when he needs to be, but is not the sort of person to go out actively socialising.

G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature? // His height makes him pretty popular and he knows how to dress well. He also has that particular ‘tall, thin, dark hair, pale skin, heroin-addict-esque’ chic that some people tend to go for. He doesn’t really get it, himself.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality? // He’s witty in a very dry way – a little sharper than run-of-the-mill sarcasm.

3. what benefits come with being their friend? // Ok honestly? Money lmao. idk man you’d have to ask Kat bc she’s the only one who’s lasted this long

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike? // Though he projects an aura of self-assurance, he really doesn’t like very much about himself; his upbringing and unhealthy relationship with Catholicism did a number of his self-esteem. He’s proud of his intellect and knows he is smarter than the average person, but other than that, not a great deal.

5. what parts of others do they envy? // General happiness. He’s a melancholy person by nature and doesn’t tend to feel a swell of positive emotions for no reason – he can’t help but feel there’s something inherently wrong in his brain.

H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room? // n e i t h e r bitch his internal temperature must remain on an even keel at all times. Probably cold, if he was forced to pick.

2. do they prefer summer or winter? // Winter because it means he can wear layers

3. do they like the snow? // yes but he’ll never admit it. he finds it romantic. that must never be repeated.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity? // lying in front of the fridge cursing God

5. do they have a favorite winter activity? // coffee dates. Independent coffee shops, mind you – fuck Sbux.

I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality? // Gay

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality? // he spent more than half his teen years wishing he was straight

3. have they ever questioned their gender? // No

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT? // mother denies it completely, father kicked him out, brother doesn’t give a shit bc he’s bi as hell himself

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out? // He was forced out at 16 when he was caught with a boyfriend in the boathouse of Darlington estate – it marked the end of an already abusive parental relationship. To be honest, it’s hard to say if he would have ever had the courage to come out himself.

J: Joy 1. what makes them happy? // Feeling loved. He got very little of that in his youth.

2. who makes them happy? // Elrick has an uncanny ability. Who’d have thought it.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy? // He particularly loves Dancing in the Dark by Springsteen, and All Along the Watchtower by Hendrix. Neither are very joyful songs, granted, but they’re two of his favourites.

4. are they happy often? // He’s contented often, and he enjoys his life. ‘Happy’, though? Not sure.

K: Kill 1. have they ever thought about suicide? // More than once.

2. have they ever thought about homicide? // Not with any real intent. In a modern AU, anyway – can’t say the same for any of his other incarnations.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who? // Way deep down somewhere, he’d be tempted to say his father.

4. who would miss them if they died? // More people than he knows.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone? // lmao the tax agency probably. His father wouldn’t be happy, per se, but perhaps it would solve a problem.

L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit? // Black cherries.

2. what is their least favorite fruit? // fuck bananas, honestly

3. are there any foods they hate? // Peanut butter can die, and also asparagus can also die.

4. do they have any food intolerances? // Not that he knows of.

5. what is their favorite food? // Probably Thai or Korean.

M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son? // He technically has a son already. Kat wanted a child and she trusted Logan above an anonymous donor, so one stressful jack-off session, a weird experience with a baster and eight months later, Rowan showed up early. Logan technically has no parental responsibilities or rights, but he’s involved in Rowan’s life nonetheless. And then there’s Bastian, whose own father leaves a Little To Be Desired in the emotional department, let’s say, so ultimately he winds up taking on that role as well.

2. how many children do they want? // One’s enough, ta, and that one doesn’t even live with him. In seriousness, he’s always idly thought about children in his life, but not with any real seriousness – he plays his role with Rowan well and he’s a great uncle to Bastian, but kids wouldn’t suit his and Elrick’s lifestyle.

3. would they be a good parent? // Yeah, he probably would.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter? // Demetrius or Victor for a boy, Ophelia for a girl. How else will people know he’s a pretentious bitch?

5. would they adopt? // Nah

O: Optimism 1. are they optimistic or pessimistic? // Total pessimist.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others? // No and he cannot stand it when other people force optimism into entirely inappropriate situations.

3. are they good at giving advice? // lmao not unless it’s legal advice. Then yes, absolutely. Just don’t cry on his kitchen floor.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them? fukkin Katherine. She’s the only one allowed to get away with it.

5. were they always optimistic/pessimistic? // Yeah, he was a pretty dour, anxious little kid from the start.

P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait? // From a professional perspective, he’s extremely clear-headed and analytical, and it serves him very well as a criminal prosecution lawyer – there’s not much that slips by him, and he can spot a loophole coming a mile away.

2. what is their worst personality trait? // He’s … difficult to get along with, for a lot of people. Not nasty as such, but he’s sharp-tongued and quite quick to anger in situations outside of his job, particularly when stressed. He also has a tendency to look down on people (particularly people who aren’t considered ‘smart’ by his standards) and let’s be real, he’s pretty classist – it takes him a long time to come to terms with Bastian’s relationship with Fabian. Elrick is more than happy to call him out on this.

3. what of their personality do others love? // Didn’t we already do this?

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities? // god he cannot abide people who aren’t punctual oh GOD he hates people who aren’t punctual

Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help? // Not unless he’s literally dying

2. do they ask questions in class? // to be honest, he generally didn’t need to

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable? // Depends on the context, but he generally tries to avoid giving out personal information.

4. do they ask weird questions? // He keeps his weird questions to himself and Googles them later.

5. are they curious? // By nature. It was curiosity that got him into the godawful mess he ended up in re: his source material.

R: Rules 1. do they follow rules? // Generally yeah, aside from the occasionally joint now and then. Although saying that, he does run very much on his own moral code, so I suppose he follows rules as long as he agrees with the sense and logic behind them.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent? // It’s odd, his instinct is to be strict but he would also loathe the thought of being anything like his father, so he might swing entirely the other way in an attempt to avoid that. Hard to say. He definitely wouldn’t be like … a fun, playful parent because that’s just not in his nature, but it’s possible he’d relax his own rules significantly. Although he is fairly strict with Rowan, it’s for Rowan’s benefit - he needs rules and boundaries to be comfortable, and Logan’s not a traditional ‘father’ in that case anyway.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule? // he was ‘consequenced’ pretty fuckin badly for daring to kiss a boy

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking? // oh god probably, he has more regrets than he can count

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous? // He’s not got a lot of time nor respect for people who follow rules totally blindly without having some sense of self-critique.

S: Streets 1. are they street-smart? // Depends on the AU, but for the most part he’s too privileged.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets? // no because he’s actually horrible

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets? // No, but he has gotten in a fight in a bar. Kat will not let him forget it.

5. are they cautious when out? // A little paranoid, perhaps, but it doesn’t stop him.

T: Truth 1. are they honest? // define ‘honest’

2. can they tell if someone is lying? // Yes, it’s literally his job.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying? // Nope. He’s a consummate liar.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about? // he lied and told Elrick that yes, he’d had sex before their first time, and then regretted it twenty minutes later when they were forced to stop because he almost died. it's fine. they worked it out

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will? // not really – he plays his cards very close to his chest. Nothing gets out if he doesn’t want it to.

U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied? // Only by his parents.

2. have they bullied anyone? // Not directly to anyone’s face, but he’s definitely made some unpleasant comments.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully? // If his father counts, yes.

4. have they ever been doubted? // Only from ages 2 to 34.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something? People don’t tend to expect the piano-playing, somehow.

V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often? // what is this question set. Incidentally, yes – he has a problem with running until he’s exhausted and tends to vomit after that.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches? // no?? I guess not???

3. are they good at comforting someone ill? // lol he could be better. His levels of sympathy leave a little to be desired.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes? // he doesn’t, really. He generally dislikes being fussed over too much and denies he is sick until he’s unable to stand up, at which point he’s forced to accept it whether he likes it or not.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting? // what is this question ASKING

W: Water 1. do they drink enough water? // Actually probably yes – it’s one of the few healthy habits he has.

2. have they learned to swim? // yes

3. do they like to swim? // ehhhhh he can take it or leave it

4. can they dive? // he went to an expensive private school of course he can dive

5. can they swim without holding their nose? // yes

X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music? // Classic rock – nothing after 1989, thanks.

2. do they have a favorite song? // Hendrix’s Watchtower is up there, as mentioned, along with Don’t Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. He has favourite playlists, rather than favourite songs.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer? Blue Oyster Cult in general is a favourite, as is Black Sabbath and Springsteen.

4. can they sing well? He does ok. His voice isn’t fuckin Grammy material or anything, but he can hold a note.

5. can they rap? lmao

Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them? // lol

2. what inspired you to create them? // LOL

3. were they different when they were first created? // oh god yeah. Prototype!Logan was a fucking mess, he’s undergone some serious reworking since the early days.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters? // he’s my comfort-zone, honestly.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them? // his internal monologue of disdain suddenly being interrupted by Oppressively Gay Thoughts

Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal? // He likes watching birds, but only from a distance.

2. do they like animals? // Nah, he’s really not much of an animal person. Loud and messy, for the most part.

3. cats or dogs? // Cats, if he has to pick.

4. what’s their dream pet? // A taxidermised one.

5. do they have any pets at the moment? // A Birman cat named Saskia. It’s the only animal in the entire world that he loves. He doesn’t like cats – he likes his cat.

#logan1

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to-be-sentenced · 7 years ago

Text

Stanley Denbrough beats the Devil

Part 1- The two times Helen Frank was a bitch, and the one other time she was a complete bitch.

It was a well-known fact Stan hated the PTA. Correction, it was a well-known fact that Stan pretended to hate the PTA. Anyone who really knew him knew that Stan loved the drama of the whole thing. At least he would have loved the PTA if it wasn’t for one thing. Helen Frank.

Helen Frank, was (in Stan’s own words) a heinous bitch. She was gorgeous, looking as if she’d just stepped out of the after portion of an anti-aging advert. She was the envy of all the mother's in the playground, long honey blonde hair, a tight waist a perky pair of (obviously plastic) breasts and a rich husband to hang off. She was also, a terrible person. Stan had heard rumours at the school gate, her talking bad about other parents, or worse other children and even a few that she was cheating on her husband. Stan was never one for rumours though, given all the ones that had been spread about him when he was a kid, but he'd seen it with his own two eyes.

Stan had no idea why this woman was talking to him. He knew who she was (obviously). Helen was the queen bee, all the mother's hated her and admired her in equal measure. He had no idea why someone like that would want to talk to him as they waited at the school gates, but from the way her gang was hanging around her he felt as if he was being initiated. Maybe she wanted a token gay best friend, who knew. The conversation had started pleasant enough, just about their kids, but quickly turned when another mother pulled up.

The woman was obviously having a bad day, her curly red hair was pulled into a sloppy ponytail, there was something that looked like coffee spilt down her blouse and she looked exhausted. Stan smiled at her as she looked over, but he was the only one who did, the other mothers glared as if offended by her presence,

“She’s such a slob,” Helen said unkindly, her friends nodded in agreement.

"She works," one of them stated as if it was tragedy.

"Those poor children," Helen said in such a fake tone Stan could have slapped her, "still if she works so much she looks like that, it's no wonder her husband left her." They all laughed unpleasantly. Stan noticed the mother looking over, she looked embarrassed.

"Excuse me," he said politely. Helen nodded as if she was allowing him to leave. Bitch.

"Hi, I'm Stan," he greeted cheerfully, the woman looked surprised she was talking to her.

"Beverly," she told him, “listen if you’re here to make fun of me I’m really not in the mood, okay?”

“Make fun of you?” Stan asked, Beverly nodded.

“You’re one of Helen’s drones, right? I saw you talking to the bitch,” Stan was taken aback by this. He’d never heard anyone so openly dislike Helen before, especially with her so close. He could feel Helen’s eyes on the back of his head, they were staring. Beverly waved sarcastically.

“Yeah, well I was, then I realised I didn’t want to be friends with a mean girl cliché,” he said coldly, Beverly laughed.

“I like you Stan.”

The second time she wasn't talking to him, but Stan was almost certain he was supposed to hear.

He and Eddie were stood at the school gates. He was glad Eddie was there, Bev worked late on Tuesdays and Thursdays and ever since Stan had earnt the wrath of Helen the other mothers had avoided him like the plague. It was all going fine until Holly came up to them, Georgina running behind her, trying to keep up with her much smaller legs, holding hands with Harry who brought up the rear.

Holly grinned widely as she approached them, showing off her two missing front teeth.

"Hey Mom," she said to Eddie, keeping her distance because she was a cool eight-year-old (at least she thought she was) and cool eight-year olds didn't hug their parents when they picked them up. Georgina followed Holly's example and hung back the six-year-old thought the world of her (basically) sister. Harry had no such reservations and quickly moved close to cling to Eddie’s leg.

"Miss Robinson told me to give you this," she handed Eddie the note, which Eddie skimmed over. The other parents watched with interest and Eddie sighed as he scanned it.

"What did you do now?" He asked once he'd finished it. It was a familiar tone; one Stan had heard him use with Richie far too often. Holly mirrored her father's trade mark response.

"It wasn’t my fault!" She claimed.

“Harry, stay with Uncle Stan okay?” Eddie shot an apologetic look at Stan and took his daughters hand as they began to walk back toward the school.

"Carry your own bag, you have arms, don't you?" Eddie told her, as Holly tried to pass off her bag to him.

Helen clicked her tongue disapprovingly at the pair, taking her son's backpack as he charged off to play with some other children whose parents were still talking.

"That girls always in trouble," she told her friend who was wearing a similarly disapproving look, "speaking out, fidgeting, they call it ADHD, I say lazy parenting."

"My Jeremy told me she never finishes her work, and they just give her good marks because she has a price of paper from the doctors," her friend said, eager to agree.

Stan felt a rush of rage of his friends’ behalf. They'd adopted Holly when she was six, partly because she was ADHD. Lots of parents weren't willing to even consider her because of it. Sure, Stan wasn't sure how they did it, it was chaos at their house, what with a dog and another three kids (four if you counted Richie which Stan sometimes did) but he knew that they were good parents and he didn't appreciate it when people said anything otherwise. He turned to say as much when he felt a gentle tug on his jeans.

"Pops, Harry says they're going to walk Mildred after they get back, can we go too please?" Georgina asked sweetly. Helen was staring her down, as if challenging him to yell at her in front of his kid.

"You'll have to ask Uncle Eddie when he gets back," he said.

"That's yes," Georgina told Harry smugly, she enjoyed being the older one, "Uncle Eddie always says yes." Stan kept his mouth shut about Helen, he refused to give her the satisfaction.

The third time came after Stan had joined the PTA.

"I’m lonely," Bev had begged him. The school had asked her personally to join because of her experience in design, which had been fine when they’d also had Richie there who was also forced to join because he was somewhat know, and useful for raising the profile of the school, but recently he’d been kicked out for making ‘unhelpful comments’ leaving Bev alone.

“You’d like it,” Richie told him. The three of them had taken the kids to the park after school and were watching them play, Mildred the Labrador weaving between them barking merrily.

“Really?” Stan asked, Richie nodded.

“Lots of people to make fun of,” he said, the offer was tempting. Eventually they wore him down.

It was at his first event, a summer fair he'd done the buying for. Well he'd bought what he was told, though he thought Helen was somewhat reluctantly impressed when he'd managed to haggle the prices down. Though to make up for it he’d heard her make some comment to her friend about him being Jewish. Original.

Stan was talking to Ben and Bev, though he was beginning to feel like he was 3rd wheeling a little. They were waiting for the raffle to start and parents and kids alike were milling awkwardly around the hall. Waiting. Stan’s eyes automatically roamed the room for his husband (he hadn’t said anything to either Ben or Bev for the past five minutes and it was getting awkward) when he saw him. Right next to a familiar head of honey blonde hair.

Bill always felt awkward at these things, all the other parents seemed to have friends and Bill couldn’t find Richie or Eddie anywhere. Maybe he should start picking Georgina up more often, then he might know someone.

“Hi your Bill, right?” Someone asked, Bill turned around to see a smiling woman behind him, “the writer?” she added.

“That’s me,” Bill stuck out his hand, which the woman took.

“Helen Frank,” she said. That name sounded familiar, but Bill couldn’t quite place it. He smiled at her politely, at least he wasn’t on his own anymore.

“You’re Georgina’s father, right?” she asked, Bill nodded, “Henry’s always going on about her. I think he has a bit of a crush,” Helen said.

“Oh, he’s the one who sits next to her yes?” He asked, he vaguely remembered the name.

“That’s him, of course she won’t be quite ready for boys, yet will she?” Helen joked.

“I don’t think boys are quite ready for her yet,” Bill said, much to Helen’s amusement.

Stan watched the two laughs carefully, frowning as he saw Helen place a perfect hand on his husband’s shoulder. He politely excused himself from the conversation.

Stan and Bill had never much been into PDA, even when they were younger, unlike Richie and Eddie who still made out like teenagers (much to the disgust of their children). But as Stan approached the pair he knew he would have to channel his inner Richie (something he never wanted to admit).

“Hey Billiam,” he greeted, planting a kiss on his husband’s forehead.

“Hey Love.”

“Hello Helen,” Stan offered much more coldly, putting an arm around Bill’s waist and pulling him close. Helen’s smile slipped off her face.

“Hello Stan,” she greeted just as coldly. Bill looked between the two of them, having no idea what was going on. He coughed awkwardly, breaking the icy tension.

“Well I have to go and announce the raffle,” she said, “but call me if you want to set up that play date,” she told Bill, who nodded politely. Stan did not.

“What was that about?” Bill asked, amused as Helen announced the raffle. Stan hadn’t yet moved his arm from around Bill’s waist. Stan shook his head, not even sparing a look toward him. He glared at Helen who glared back.

From that moment, it was no longer just dislike between the two, it was outright rivalry.

To be continued.

#stenbrough #bill denbrough #stanley uris #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #mike will be in the next part #i promise #stenbrough fic #the losers club #Stephen kings IT #it 2017 #you know the drill

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insertniallurlhere · 7 years ago

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Illusions. Chapter 1.

Yeah I know I said I was writing this like three years ago. It's been a draft on my computer for a long time now. I'll post it here and see if anyone actually still notices things I do since I've been kinda inactive for awhile. Sorry. xx

It was 3 a.m. I couldn't sleep. All I could do was think about my life and how much it's changed in just a years time. It had been so different from what I had expected when I left home. I knew if I wanted it to get better I had to leave. I'd known this for a long time now but for some reason I couldn't leave the man next to me in bed. I was under the young and naive impression that we could have the perfect life together. The whole picture perfect movie scene dream. We planned to leave home and live our lives together the way we wanted. It only took a few months of living together for me to realize that our life wasn't at all what I had dreamed it up to be. He wasn't the same once we left home and he didn't keep any of the promises he had made. I had been living herewith him for a year and so far it had been the worst year of my life.

I sat up in my bed and kicked the covers off of me. I looked at the bruise I had on my thigh before softly pressing my fingertips against my cheekbone feeling the fresh bruise that had been left there. I looked down at my wrist to see his handprint wrapped around it. I knew I had to leave. I knew it a longtime ago. I couldn't live like this anymore. He had just been progressively getting worse and worse. I just had nowhere to go. WhenI ran off from home with him I think I burned my bridges. My friends and family had never liked him but I didn't listen. I was blind because I thought I was in love and he had convinced me how great things would be. I was convinced he was all I'd ever need, but I nowI see how wrong I was. I didn't leave in good terms, so I knew I couldn't go back. My brother and my dad were the only people who still kept in contact with me. It wasn't a whole lot of contact but they tried. I think it hurt them the most when I left. My mom was really the one who was mad at me for leaving.

I got out of bed as quiet as possible and packed all the necessities I would need to get back home. I knew it would get hot as the day went on especially as I got closer to home. I couldn't dress appropriately for the weather or everyone would see my bruises. I wanted try my best to hide those from my family. My only option was a long sleeve shirt and jeans and that couldn't happen or I would die from the heat when I got back toArizona. I put on the longest pair of shorts I had and they only halfway covered the bruise on my thigh. I put on a tank top and a few bracelets to try and cover the bruising on my wrist. It wasn't completely covered so I found some string and just tied a few pieces around my wrist until it was covered enough. I tried to put makeup onto cover the bruising on my face but that didn't work like I thought either. I had my backpack completely stuffed with things I would need along with a second bag that slung around my shoulder. I had most of my things but had to leave some of the less important stuff behind.

I snuck out of the house avoiding the passed out bodies in the living room. They were still here from a party the night before. A party that I didn't want to have or be apart of but what I said didn't matter to anyone. I was thankful to even get out of the house without anyone noticing and stopping me. I tried to walk to the bus station as quickly as possible. I needed to get out of town before he or any of his friends woke up. I knew they would come looking for me and make me go back. If I went back and his friends had left I knew I would end up paying for trying to leave. I was scared it would be worse than the few bruises I had from arguing with him yesterday.

I finally got to the bus station and bought a one way ticket to my hometown. I knew the bus ride would be a few hours long but it was worth it. It was worth facing my mom and swallowing all my pride and going home than continuing to live with someone who treated me so terribly. I only had to wait for about half an hour for the bus to arrive. I was tired from not having slept the night before but I was too scared to fall asleep. Scared that my not so loving boyfriend would be somewhere close behind me. Scared that I would get home and my mom wouldn't let me back in the house.

I was a couple of hours away from home and the bus had stopped to get gas. I went over to a pay phone and called my dad in the hopes that I wouldn't break out into tears. The phone rang three times before he answered. I had missed hearing his voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's me."

"Brooklyn? Brooke are you okay? Where are you calling from?"

"Yeah I'm fine." That was a lie but what was I supposed to say over the phone?

"Are you sure? Why are you calling at seven in the morning? From a pay phone? Or even calling at all?" My stomach flipped a little thinking he wouldn't want me to come home.

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. I'm not at all bothered by it. That kinda came out wrong I guess. I'm your dad and you can call anytime you want. I was just wondering because you never call." I knew it was best to just come out with it. It just had to be one of those things like ripping off a band aid.

"Can I come home?" There was no hesitation at all in his voice before he answered.

"Yes. Of course you can come home. Do you need me to buy you a plane ticket or come get you or what?"

"Actually I'm taking a bus and I'm already halfway there. Can you pick me up at the bus station?"

"Absolutely, but you know I would have bought you a plane ticket or come and gotten you."

"Yeah but it was more of a last minute decision and I didn't have the money for a plane ticket. Are you sure I can come home? Will mom be okay with that?"

"Yes. You're our child. You are welcome in this home anytime you please."

"Okay I have to go now." I told him the time and place of where to pick me up before I hung up the phone and I felt a little better knowing at least my dad wanted me back. I got back on the bus and was just wishing for the time to go by faster. The further I got away from that town the safer I felt. I got excited as we got closer to the bus station. I was so ready to be home and feel safe and at ease. I got off the bus and found my dad waiting for me. I immediately smiled at him and ran to hug him. He squeezed me super tight making me remember the fading out bruises I had on my ribs.

"What happened to your face?"

"Oh-uh...I was playing volleyball with some of my friends and got hit in the face. It's not a big deal." That was the farthest thing from the truth considering I didn't even have a single friend in that town. I didn't get it from doing something fun. I got it because my boyfriend was belligerently drunk and got a little carried away when he was angry. My dad nodded as he took my bags from me and walked us to the car.

"Have you not been eating? You've lost some weight. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day." Truth be told I had been missing a lot of meals lately. We hadn't had a lot of money and I was too unhappy to eat anything.

"We can go get something from a drive-thru and you can eat it on the way home."

We got home and while I had missed my mom and brother I was kinda thankful that they weren't home. I was however a little more excited to see my brother than I was my mom. My dad handed me my bags when we came in and pointed at the staircase.

"Your room is still up there the way it was when you left. If you want to go put your stuff up there you can. Are you tired? You can take a nap if you want or shower and get freshened up. Your mom and brother won't be home for a couple of hours."

"Do they know I'm here?"

"No I didn't tell them. I figured it would be a nice surprise." I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.

"Maybe for Jeremy. Mom might not like it as much."

"Your mother loves you. She just has a hard time swallowing her pride and I think you can relate to that because you got that from her. You are both just stubborn, but I am thankful you swallowed that pride and came home." He kissed my forehead and I smiled to myself realizing he was right.

"Me too. I'm gonna take this stuff upto my room."

"Alright. I'll be down here." I went upstairs to see my room had remained the exact same since I left. I unpacked some of my bags and went back downstairs. I sat on the couch next to my dad as he watched television. We were both quiet for a few minutes before he spoke up. "Is that another volleyball injury?" I was confused at first but then I saw him looking at the bruise on my thigh peeking out from the edge of my shorts. I nodded my head and tried to pull my shorts down a little to cover it. He patted my knee and went back to watching his show. I hung out with my dad for about an hour before going up to my room. I layed on my bed just to try and gather myself and relax but I ended up falling asleep. I woke up a little later and started to go downstairs. I stopped at the top when I heard my dad talking to someone who I assumed to by my mom.

"Brooke is home. She's in her room."I heard a chair move and footsteps until my dad stopped them. "WaitI'm not done talking. You can see her in a minute." I assumed that was my brother trying to come see me and not my mother. I was so excited to hang out with my brother again. He was one of the ones that didn't hate me for leaving. My mom on the other hand I was nervous about.

"She's taking a nap. She left the bus station in her town at like five this morning. She's a little tired. Also I want you to be nice to her. I know you are happy she is back and I want you to let her know. I don't want to hear you say I told you so or anything like that. Let her know you missed her. I know you two sometimes clash a little because you have the exact same personality but if you could try I would appreciate it and so would she." I knew he was talking to my mom about being nice to me because he knew there would be no problems with my brother. I was also glad my brother wasn't a part of that conversation because I didn't want him to know the truth. At least not yet. My mom's voice interrupted my thoughts. It was so good to hear her voice again.

"I of course missed her and love her but we knew this would happen. If she had listened to me none of this would have happened."

"I didn't say for sure that's what happened. I'm just saying it's a little strange that she left town at five in the morning and came back covered in bruises. She says they are from playing volleyball with friends and they very well could be." I felt my heart sink into my stomach knowing that he had seen through my volleyball story. "That's why you don't need to tell herI told you so or anything like that. If my guess as to what really happened is true it took a lot of courage for her to come back home.I need you to swallow your pride and make her feel welcome." I went back to my room and layed in my bed not really feeling like facing my mom yet especially after I finding out they didn't really believe my volleyball injuries. I fell asleep again for about twenty minutes before I felt a ball hit me in the butt. I rolled over to see Jeremy in my doorway. He came in as I got out of bed. He hugged me and stepped back.

"God, I've missed you Brooke."

"I missed you too."

"It's good to have you back. You look like shit though. You've lost a lot of weight and you were already skinny before. Are those bags or bruises under your eyes?"

"Both. You asshole."

"Sorry. You just don't look too healthy. Are you okay?"

"What did dad tell you?"

"Nothing. He said Brooke is in her room if you wanna go see her. Tell her dinner is gonna be ready in a minute." I was glad dad hadn't told him about what his true suspicions were about the reason I'm home.

"Well the bruise is from playing volleyball. I got hit in the face with the ball.The bags under my eyes are because I'm tired. Also I just didn't have a lot of money while I was away and I had to pay bills before I could buy groceries.I'll gain the weight back living here though."

"Dad is making your favorite so let's go eat."

"Wait, is mom mad? How is she acting?"

"Dad didn't tell me you were until after he told mom and she has just been quiet since before I even knew. She hasn't said much of anything, but I think she is excited to see you."

I walked downstairs after my brother and went to the kitchen to see my mom setting the table. She either didn't see me or was pretending to not see me. "Hi mom." She looked at me and smiled.

"Hey sweetie. Good to see you back around the house." I looked at my dad and he smiled back at me. I sat down at the table next to my brother and my dad brought the food to the table. We all made plates and I silently stuffed my face with all my favorite foods. I knew I had lost a little bit of weight but only from hardly eating anything for three weeks since my now ex boyfriend had stolen all my money. I didn't know it was a noticeable weight loss and I knew I would gain the weight back fast once I started eating proper meals again. After dinner I tried to help my mom with dishes because she still hadn't said much to me. I didn't think she was being rude it was just an awkward situation because when I left we had been in a big fight that had never been resolved.We had a great relationship we just didn't always see eye to eye and that sometimes made things difficult for us. I wanted her to at least talk to me. I started washing a dish and she stopped me.

"Oh you don't have to do that. You've had a long day. Just go relax if you want."

"I want to help."

"Alright. Are you glad to be home?"

"Yes."

"Are you here permanently or just visiting?"

"I mean I don't plan on living here my whole life but it would be nice if I could stay longer than a visit."

"Of course you can. Why did you come home in the first place?" I shrugged my shoulders and she let out a breath. I knew she wanted to ask all the questions my dad told her not to ask and I was glad she wasn't. I knew she cared and was worried we were both just bad at showing emotions with each other sometimes. Jeremy came into the kitchen as I finished cleaning the last dish.

"Do you guys want to watch a movie with me and dad?"

"I'm actually still really tired. I think I just want to go to bed early." I finished silently helping my mom clean the kitchen and went back to bed needing to get some sleep. It was nice being able to sleep peacefully and knowing I was in a safe environment.

The next day I woke up and looked in the mirror. It still took me by surprise whenever I woke up and saw the frail bruised reflection instead of the happy and healthy version of myself. Thankfully with all the sleep I had gotten most of the heavy bags beneath my eyes had disappeared. Unfortunately, the bruising had not. I went downstairs still in my pajamas and with my hair messed up from sleeping. I started making my bowl of cereal for breakfast and Jeremy came in.

"Hey! Me and my friend are gonna hangout by the pool today. You are more than welcome to join. Were just gonna chill and have a few beers."

"How old is your friend? You aren'told enough to buy beer."

"He is. Just come have a few beers and hangout with your brother. Like old times."

"Old times? I've only been gone alittle more than a year."

"A lot can change in a year."

"I'll think about it." I knew I was acting distant and I didn't know how to go back into being the old happy me I always was. I could also tell my brother was trying to help get me back to that. I guess it would just take time. I wanted to hang out with him and have things be normal again. I just wasn't thrilled with the idea of wearing a swimsuit and having the bruises on my thighs and ribs visible.

I contemplated it for far too long and decided I would hang out with my brother and this friend of his I'd never met or heard of. I went upstairs and put on my swimsuit. It didn't fit as well as it had the last time I wore it. It was just a little more loose but not too noticeable. I stood in front of my mirror looking at my body wishing I would gain that weight back sooner and the bruises would disappear. The swimsuit didn't hide any of the bruises and I wasn't ready to answer any questions about them. I quickly found a coverup and decided I would just lay out and stay in the cover up. I needed a little bit of sun to make me look a little more healthy. I put on big sunglasses to hide part of the bruise on my face since one of his friends was coming over. I made sure all my bracelets and my cover up was positioned to hide the bruises before going outside to the pool.

Jeremy was out there plugging in a radio and I sat in one of the lounge chairs. He turned to look at me and smiled. "I'm glad you decided to come out. My friend just texted me and said he's on his way."

"Who is this friend? Have I ever met him? Does he have a name?"

"We had a couple of the same classes in college while you were gone. His name is Niall and there he is."I looked to see where he was pointing and I saw the gate to our deck open and his friend walk in. He had on his swim trunks and white t-shirt and an arm full of beer. He had on black ray bans and looked at me as soon he closed the gate.

"I'm Niall."

"So I've heard. I'm Brooke."

"So I've heard." He smiled showing me his perfect white teeth and boyish grin. "Jeremy's sister?" I nodded my head and he walked over to the table that I was sitting next to and put the beer down. He opened the case of beer and Jeremy came over to the table. They both grabbed a bottle and Niall opened a third bottle. He lowered his sunglasses down on his nose and looked at me over the rim just showing me his baby blue eyes. He pointed the beer bottle at me silently offering it to me. I took the bottle from him and he smiled as I thanked him.

"No problem." He sat in the chair next to me and Jeremy turned on the radio. He had his legs on either side of the chair and leaned forward. He set his beer down and took his shirt off. I caught myself staring at the way the muscles in his back moved as he undressed. He leaned back in his chair and I was thankful I had on sunglasses so he couldn't see me blatantly staring at his torso. His abs weren't the most defined but you could tell he had them. I felt wrong for even looking at one of Jeremy's friends like that but he had a great body. His obviously fake blonde hair and blue eyes made him look sweet and innocent but his tattoos covering his arm and part of his shoulder gave him some edge. I had always been attracted to the bad boy image, but look where that had gotten me. I ran off with the last bad boy type and that turned out to be a disaster.

I didn't even know if Niall had the stereotypical bad boy attitude or not. I was just judging him by his tattoos, the way he carried himself, and the slightly devilish grin he had given me earlier. He offered me beer which I guess was polite but that was all I knew about him. He took a swig of his beer and looked over at me.

"So Brooke..."

I looked over at him, "So Niall...?"He quietly laughed a little.

"Jeremy told me you ran away from home. Quite rebellious don't ya think?"

"Well I was twenty so it hardly counts as running away. I just moved out for a little while but I'm back."

"Why did you decide to come back?"I didn't like that he just immediately started asking these questions and was making me out to be a rebel.

"I just came back."

"Oh. It's a touchy subject?" I shrugged my shoulders and he continued. "Let me guess...you ran off to live with your boyfriend and I'm assuming that ended so you're back." He had a cocky smile on his face like he was so pleased to have been able to guess why I had come home.

"Yeah that's over. Why are you asking all these questions?"

"Sorry. I'm just trying to talk to you...get to know ya a little."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to sound rude."

"It's cool. I get it. I was asking personal questions and this is the first time we've ever properly met." Jeremy came over with a volleyball.

"You guys want to play volleyball in the pool?"

"How do you play volleyball with three people dumb ass?" Niall laughed at me calling him a dumb ass,but that was just our normal sibling banter. Jeremy shrugged his shoulders and sat down. "I'm not really interested in volleyball anyways but if you and Niall want to play I'll help set up the net and I'll keep score." He and Niall both stood up and went to get the net. They started putting it up and Jeremy looked over at me.

"I thought you said you'd help put up the net?" I groaned and walked over to them. "Keep groaning andI'll push you in the pool." Once we had everything set up I sat on the edge of the pool and stuck my feet in the pool. I became the referee for the game because both of them argued about the points.The game finally ended and it was a one point difference so they joked around about who actually won. I was still laying back in my seat when Niall came back and sat in his. He looked over at me and just stared for a second until I looked over at him.

"So, why have you not been in the pool yet? Take off the cover up and the sunglasses and get in." I reluctantly pulled my sunglasses down and showed him my bruise.

"Volleyball accident. Don't really feel like showing it off." He sat up and leaned closer to me to see it better. I didn't want to be attracted to him but the way he leaned closer to me sent a slight surge of energy through my body.

"That's a pretty little shiner ya got here." I smiled as I put my sunglasses back up. Somehow the way he talked about it didn't make it seem so bad.

"It's not pretty or little but there isn't much I can do about it." He sat back in his chair as Jeremy came back over with more beer for all of us. I felt like Niall was talking to me more than he was talking to Jeremy but I just thought maybe he was trying to befriend me.

"So the sunglasses hide the bruise? You just gonna wear 'em everywhere you go until it goes away?"

"No, the sunglasses are because it's sunny." I looked over at him and smiled and he returned it along with a small laugh. "They just also conveniently hide my bruise."

"Honestly, I think it looks kinda badass. You also might get a nice tan line from the sunglasses. You are gonna look like a raccoon with a black eye." I laughed at him and took the glasses off setting them on the table next to me. I looked over at Jeremy was changing stations on the radio and dancing a little. I looked back at Niall.

"He's a little tipsy I think."

"Yeah I know. He's kind of a lightweight, but I look out for him when we are with other people. He has kinda become like my little brother."

"Well he is my little brother so I'm counting on you to continue looking out for him. How did you guys become friends?

"I saw him at a couple parties. We hung around the same crowds. We just kinda became friends. It's not much of a story is it?"

"Guess not." Jeremy made his way over to us. He went to grab another beer and Niall said something before I could. "Hey Jeremy, why don't you take it easy."

"I'm not even drunk yet."

"I know, but your parents are coming home in a little bit. Why don't you sober up instead of drinking more so you don't get in trouble." I stood up and Jeremy looked at me.

"Where are you going? Are you done hanging out with us?"

"Yeah I think I'm going to eat something and then take a nap." I looked down at Niall and I wasn't sure if he was looking at me or not because he had on his sunglasses as well. "It was nice meeting you. Watch out for him." I pointed at my brother who had opened the beer anyways.

"I always do."

"Alright. See ya around."

"Yeah looks like you will." He smirked up at me and I felt like he was flirting a little. I kinda wanted to flirt back. After everything with my ex I definitely wasn't ready for another guy to come in my life and besides years ago Jeremy and I promised to never get involved with each others friends.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day until my dad came home from work. I talked with him for a little while and it was as if I had never left. As if I hadn't dropped out of college and abandoned my friends and family for an abusive relationship. When it got closer to time my mom came home I became nervous. I knew my mom loved me and I loved her too but I knew our conversation was a ticking time bomb. I knew we were gonna have to talk about me leaving at some point. She came in said hi to me and my dad and went into the kitchen. She started cooking dinner and my dad went to help so I went to my room.

Later I was called into the kitchen for dinner and to my surprise saw Jeremy sitting at the table with Niall.The only empty seat at the table was next to Niall so I sat by him. I didn't expect much conversation to happen at dinner tonight especially not from Niall since we had just met, but he leaned over to me.

"Tried to cover that bruise with makeup?" I just looked at him out of the corner of my eye as my mom set out plates and my dad brought out the food. I had tried to cover it but it didn't work so I didn't think it was a noticeable effort. I started putting food on my plate even though I wasn't that hungry, I had become accustomed to not eating a lot in a day. I just stomached it anyways because I knew I looked unhealthy and was underweight. I knew it would make my dad happy to see me eating. I didn't want them to think that I was this unhealthy looking because I was choosing not to eat. I was this frail beat down figure of myself against my will.I was shoving a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth as my mom spoke up.

"So are you going to go back to school this year? Getting a job? You can't just sit around the house all day."

"It's summer."

"You're an adult. You don't get summers off." My dad cleared his throat and shot my mom I look butI continued on.

"Jeremy does?"

"Jeremy goes to school the rest of the year. You do not."

"I've hardly been back home for twenty-four hours. I'm sorry I don't have a job yet."

"I just wanted to know what you're planning to do with your life? I'm only this hard on you because I love you and want to see you succeed in life."

"You aren't this hard on Jeremy."

"I would be if he wasn't enrolled at university but he is. It's always been understood that if you are in school you can live here while you get an education. If not you can live here until you get a job and get on your feet. I just wanted to know what your plans were. I'm not forcing you to go to school if you don't want to go to school. I realize it isn't for everyone. I'm just saying if you don't you need to find a job and if you do you need to start applying to go back to school."

"I can't even have just one day back free from all serious conversation. Maybe I just need a small break."

"You can take some time to re-adjust your life. I just wanted to know if you had any plans. If you enroll in school you've got the rest of summer." I sighed and rolled my eyes. I saw my mom start to get a little irritated at my action but my dad looked over at her again and she stopped herself before speaking. There was an uncomfortable silence in the room and it was off putting for everyone. No one in the room looked the slightest bit comfortable. Especially since Niall was there but every one else in the family was used to him since he was apparently around all the time. I just hadn't been there to get to know him as well as the rest of my family had. The table stayed in that awkward silence and I hated that I was the cause of this rift in the family dinner. I stopped eating my food and started pushing it around with my fork.

Jeremy finally broke the silence by asking for someone to pass him the garlic bread. I looked up from my plate and Niall's hand quickly reached out in front of me for the bread basket. I flinched a little and he gave me an apologetic look. It was quickly followed up with him looking like he was curious why I flinched but somehow he didn't make me feel weird about it. He smiled when he noticed I was starting to feel weird about being so jumpy.

"Easy. I was just getting the bread."

"Sorry. I don't know why I flinched."He gently smiled and I started pushing my food around again and looked at my dad to see if he noticed me flinch. He looked at me andI could see the anguish in his eyes. I knew that he knew these bruises weren't from playing volleyball with my friends. Thankfully he had only seen the bruise on my face and possibly a portion of the one on my thigh. "Can I go to my room?" My dad nodded his head and I stood up from the table. I noticed Niall's eyes were on me as I walked away. I stayed in my room for a few hours even though I had originally planned to help my mom clean up from dinner. I just didn't feel like facing her or hearing any of what she had to say.

I couldn't stand to be around my dad either because he knew what really happened and it was killing him. I could tell he hated that I went through that. I could see it in his eyes the way he looked at me. He looked at me like I was an injured puppy and I wanted to prove that I was alright or at least I was going to be alright. I didn't want to be looked at like some innocent victim. I got away and that's all that mattered to me. I just couldn't go out there and see my dad feeling sorry for me and continue to lie to him. Once I assumed everyone was getting ready for bed and Niall had gone home I went to take shower. I felt like I needed to somehow wash away everything and try to ignore the talk my mom decided to have with my in front of everyone including the boy I had known for a matter of hours.

After I started getting prune-y I got out of the shower. I grabbed the towel and got the excess water out of my hair before drying my body. I wiped the steam off the mirror and looked at my body. I already felt like I had gained a few more pounds. I just wished the bruise covering my torso would go away.Along with the ones on my thighs, face, wrists, and arms. I put on my underwear and a bra just before I heard the door open. I looked over to see Niall's shocked face. I grabbed my towel and quickly tried to cover the huge bruising along my torso as he tried to make out an apology.

"Oh my god. I-I'm so sorry. I didn't think anyone was in here." I had gotten the towel around my body as he was stammering. He went to shut the door and muttered out another apology. He shut the door and I grabbed my forehead and let out a deep breath. I had known the guy for a matter of hours and I wasn't making too great of an impression which was probably for the better considering the rule Jeremy and I had about friends. I hadn't really been trying to impress him but I couldn't deny there was something about him that made me feel excited and interested in knowing more about him. There was something about him that was so inviting but he had this almost mysterious vibe about him. I couldn't quite get a good read of him but I was sure his impression of me couldn't be great.

--Let me know what you think! I've had this saved to my computer since like 2014 so I thought instead of just deleting it someone might read it so let me know if that someone is you?--

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