#jena please dont look

[polymathemadraws]

Down in the dirt searching for my eyeballs

Hoping they’re there somewhere with my morals

Aim through with the cross hair when you’re blindfold

But you hit it right every time - god said so

[a-lonely-tatertot]

Finding Home Ch. 5

A/N: Yall I am soooo sorry this took so freaking long!!! but its done and I hope yall like it this was so much fun to write even if it took over a month because of school and stuff but its here so yeah! please dont forget to comment or reblog they mean so much too me :D and thank you @bookwyrminspiration for editing and helping me get this out as fast as i could  word count: 5096 tw warnings: minor panic attack, mentions of volence, and invasion of privacy

Chapter 5: Starting of a Fire

 Sweat dripped down her spine as thoughts raced through her head. Sophie didn't quite understand how it had happened, all she knew was that somehow she had Tam's memories. Memories of Linh and arguing and Denver. How had she gotten in his head? Did Tam know she had seen his memories? She hadn’t touched her telepathy in years. School was hard without it, but she had her memory, and she didn't want to know what her human friends were thinking; Fitz had somehow ingrained the rules in her brain. But somehow, after years of barely even thinking about it, she had managed to reach Tam's mind, which was probably hundreds of miles away, and had looked at the exact memories she was thinking of. 

    Memories Sophie had no right to. Fear solidified in her stomach, a weight she didn't quite know how to bear. "Soph? Sophie, you up?" Amy called from the hallway. 

    The pillow behind her looked so soft and tempting to fall back into, but no matter what telepathy crisis she was having, she had a life to get to. "Yeah, I'm getting there." The words came out rough from sleep. 

    Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she plugged in her headphones and started her wake-up playlist. Mystical powers could wait until after breakfast. 

    Amy rode the bus with her to work, Their Saturday routine. Amy had tutoring with Jena (bless her heart), and Sophie who had worked at the cafe across the street. Normally she would work all day and get home around the same time Amy did from her afternoon shift. It worked well, and they would sit at home afterward juggling homework and takeout. 

    "That guy's picking his nose," Amy said, breaking the unintentionally tense silence. 

    "That's so gross, why would you say that?" Sophie whispered incredulously. No matter how hard she tried, her eyes couldn't leave the man who, unfortunately, had a finger up his nose.

    "Ha, now you can't unsee it!" Amy grinned triumphantly. Annoyed, Sophie grumbled back and went silent. She stared, lost in thought, not fully present. 

    "Why are you so tense?" Amy said softly, as if she didn't quite want Sophie to hear. In the back of her mind, she thought it sounded like when she used to hear human thoughts.

    "Hm? I'm not tense," Sophie lied, only to have Amy turn to her in surprise.

    "I didn't say that you were," Amy responded quizzically. 

“But I heard you?” Sophie said. Was she hallucinating? No, she couldn’t be, she wasn’t crazy. Amy was still staring at her, eyes boring, brows furrowed. Studying her, Sophie really didn’t like being studied. Her tone bordered annoyed when she finally asked, “What?”

“Why’d you read my mind?” Amy asked, eyes narrowed and her tone hushed. “Isn't there rules against that?”

It took a second for Sophie to process what Amy was saying. She hadn’t meant to listen in, but she hadn’t meant to go through Tam’s memories either. Was she losing control again? It was two minds; it could mean nothing, it wasn’t her fault, it was an accident! But what if losing control of her telepathy is only the beginning? This- the worrying, the panic, malfunctioning that reminded her she was only an experiment and a weapon- it was supposed to be over. Why wasn’t it over?

Too deep in her panic, Sophie was unaware of Amy grabbing her arm. The bus slowed down and Amy dragged her out of the bus and as far away from the swarms of people as she could. “Sophie? Soph you with me?” Amy asked desperately. In response, Sophie could only nod. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought, oh, this is a panic attack. The want to run, to move, to get away, exploded in her body everywhere at once. The walls around her mind fell next, and she heard everything at once. Her head pounded, her eyes watered and her knees gave out. She crumbled to the ground and Amy sank in front of her. 

Hands gripped her shoulders, hard but not in the way she knew. It wasn’t trapping but comforting, grounding, a reminder of where she was. Amy’s hands moved, one to her arm and one to the back of her neck. Amidst the screaming thoughts of passerby chaos and pain, Amy knelt in front of her, pressed against her and one thought rang louder than the rest.

I'm here. I’ve got you. You can enter my mind if that’s easier, it’s gonna be okay.

Sophie wanted to cry with relief, if she could have talked she would’ve shouted with happiness. She choked in a breath, focused her mind, and plunged her mind forward.

Amy let out a sharp breath but stayed quiet. After over a year and a half of being in no other mind than her own, it was surprisingly underwhelming. It was weird, feeling her body in one place but knowing her mind wasn’t with it.

Hi? she thought.

You're loud, geez, Amy responded. How’re you doing?

It's easier to block everyone else out if I focus on you, she said. The pain was still horrible but she was getting there. One by one she matched her breaths to Amy’s and started to block off the other thoughts. Built her walls, brick by brick, until the suffocation of thousands of thoughts loosened and the migraine calmed. 

Eventually, Amy spoke. So, when did this start happening?

Losing control? After Fitz taught me what to do it hasn’t happened, Sophie responded.

No unintentional mind reading? Nothing? Amy had her there. Unintentional mind-probing more like. 

Sophie took another deep breath and leaned away from her sister but kept her eyes shut to block out the world. Last night, she started, I somehow got ahold of Tam’s memories. The ones of Linh and him when they first arrived here.

Amy remained silent, the only sound their breathing. A beat passed and Sophie opened her eyes to find Amy studying her, eyebrow quirked. Go on, she finally thought.

Except Sophie didn’t quite know how to go on. In an impulse decision, she brought Tam’s memories to the surface of her mind. With a brief Brace yourself, she transmitted them to Amy and watched her reaction as the scenes played before them. 

When it was over, and the scene of Tam and Fitz faded, Amy was silent yet again. “Oh shit,” Amy whispered, meeting Sophie’s eyes.

With a chuckle, Sophie bitterly responded, “Yup.”

“Have you told her?”

“No?” Sophie gaped. “How would I even say that? ‘Oh yeah so in my sleep I accidentally watched your brother’s memories and learned all the shit you didn’t tell me. hope you don’t hate me or anything’?”

“Okay, yeah, that's a pretty bad conversation starter,” Amy agreed. “I don’t know how, but you need to tell her. This is pretty big.”

“I know,” she said with a sigh and Amy’s face softened with relief. Standing up she continued, “I guess we should get moving, we don’t want to be late.” As they walked, Sophie tried not to think about how she intentionally avoided saying “I will”.

 -

Hours passed, tedious as always. Taking orders, making coffee, cups and bags, and people. So many people. Somehow Amilia's head survived. A few slip-ups, when a part of her mind would get distracted. When the muscle memory of her tasks wasn't enough and she had to rack her brain to remember an order only to get flooded with thoughts that definitely didn't help her remember. 

At one point, when there was barely anyone in the small cafe, Amilia had an idea. Her gaze flicked over the cafe, from the plants scattered decoratively to the tables she had yet to clean. Taking a breath, she tried to open her mind up to one of her coworker's thoughts. To see if she could after all these years only blocking off her powers. After a few tries (and tripping over a bucket of water) she managed to do it. With enough focus, she could open her mind and build walls around the thin connection between her and her coworker's minds. 

She grinned, letting herself celebrate her small success for a fleeting moment until the door opened again with a ding and she was back at the register. The order was simple as Sophie plugged it into the small device. Her voice struggled not to sound bored as she called out the name when it was ready and returned to her cleaning. It was all so boring; her mind wandered to Linh coming over. She felt her heart flutter at the same time dread settled. Not now, Amilia told herself as the small bell rang again and she found herself back at the register.

"Amilia!" Jena called, sauntering her way into the cafe like she owned the place. That's what Amilia liked about the girl, how she wasn't intimidated by anything. Natalie trailed behind her with a tired look in her eyes. 

"I need like three coffees," Natalie groaned. 

"You won't survive three coffees," Amilia laughed, already starting to place their orders. It was the same every week, Jena with the most amount of sugar added to her coffee and Natalie with just straight black. Jena paid as an apology for whatever hell studying ended up being. 

Nat hummed appreciatively when James, Amilia's coworker, gave them their order. In one move she downed the entire cup despite it being burning hot. "Ahh that's the shit," she mused.

"How did your throat not just disintegrate?" Amilia asked bewildered.

"I'm just not a weakling," she retorted. "Also your girl is coming over once your shift is over if you haven't forgotten."

'Your girl', Amilia knew, was referring to Linh who had planned to come and hang out that afternoon. Which, after the events of the morning, she had entirely forgotten. "Fuck," she hissed. "My shift is almost over so hopefully we can get home with time to spare to clean?" 

The apartment desperately needed cleaning, covered in piles of homework and dishes and trash that they only occasionally had time to take out.

Thirty minutes later the sisters were rushing onto their bus home, catching their breath as they grabbed the handlebars. When they finally arrived home, the tall glass building taunting them in the daylight, Sophie took the stairs two at a time and practically kicked the door in. She ran around the apartment in a fury trying to figure out where she could stuff things when she heard murmurs. 

"How long do you think it'll take her to notice?" Linh's unmistakable voice asked.

"Eh give her a second; She's in the zone," Amy responded, clearly trying not to laugh. Slowly turning around, praying desperately that her face wasn't as red as it felt, Sophie faced the figures leaning in the doorway.

"Hi?" she said tentatively, but it came out more like a question.

"Hello, sweetheart. We didn't mean to interrupt," Linh responded with a grin.

Sophie tugged at her eyelash in embarrassment, "I totally just ran right past you didn't I?"

"Yup," Linh chuckled.

Sophie groaned and buried her face in her hands. "It's nice to know you care about order though," Linh said, gently pulling her hands away from her face and placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

Amy chuckled, walking in behind Linh, "Y’all are too soft for me. I'll be in my room." In a half-hearted response, Sophie stuck her tongue out as she passed. Linh's arms were comforting around her as they snaked their way around her waist. Instinctively Sophie leaned into her touch and wrapped her arms around Linh before burying her head into the crook of her neck. The first thing that Sophie realized was that Linh was much taller than her, in all the memories she had Linh was shorter,but here she was, taller, and Sophie leaning against her instead of the other way. The second thing was that Linh was warm like a blanket or a human heater. Compared to the rest of the world, which was gradually getting colder because of the fall, Linh felt warm like home, like something familiar. 

"We should probably move," Linh whispered, mouth against the top of hair.

Sophie hummed, "But you're comfy."

Linh laughed sweetly, "You were in the middle of cleaning, I don't wanna interrupt that."

Pulling back, Sophie surveyed the room. Unfortunately, it was still in need of some cleaning. "I can do that later; you're here right now and I wanna spend time with my girlfriend."

Linh just shook her head, "I like cleaning. It's relaxing, and you can introduce me to that music you've been screaming about."

Vaguely she remembered texting Linh late one night about the new band she’d found and how Linh just had to listen or she would die. She grabbed a cup from the kitchen, reluctantly started the music, to which Linh started moving slowly. "We can start in my room, it's probably the worst," Sophie said, stopping her brain from overthinking it before it was out of her mouth.

With that, they started cleaning, which was surprisingly more fun than it would seem. Now and then a song would come on and Sophie would throw down whatever she was holding and do an impromptu dance party. Linh would just laugh and watch her with those eyes that were full of adoration and pulled at Sophie's heart, pulled Sophie farther and farther into this dream of reality.

She avoided thoughts of what Linh was, of the memories she wasn't supposed to have seen, they but nagged at her over and over. Feet moved, things fell, and they laughed and danced, and Linh- Linh just wouldn't stop smiling. The small motion pulled at her heart and it was just like she imagined. It reminded her of the days during the war that they'd sit and sort through the clues, and for once Sophie found herself longing for that time. 

"Hey, babe?" Linh called from the closet as Sophie shook herself out of her haze.

"Yeah?"

Stepping out there was something in her hands. It was a postcard. She cocked her head to the side trying to rack her brain where it could've come from. "It says it's from Kull? The hell kinda name is that?" Linh said.

No-  Sophie stumbled a bit, no it couldn't be. But no, she remembered. Three weeks after being at the new apartment she got mail. Not some shipment for her, a postcard, with four words written on it. With shaking hands Sophie grabbed the card out of Linh's hands like she was in a dream. 

I'm here, always. - Mari

Far deep inside of her, under layers and layers of running and hiding and nights of crying, something broke. She was lonely. She wasn't alone per se; Amy was there, Linh was there, giving her those concerned eyes and crinkled eyebrows, but she was lonely. Sophie missed late-night pancakes, and endless days laughing and baking hands filled with flour (distantly she wondered if that's why Fitz had fallen in love with baking), she missed the hard exterior who had the best hugs and always knew what she was doing. She found herself missing Angie too, the weekends they'd play scrabble and laugh at how Angie would win every time no matter how hard she and Mari tried. Sophie longed for late nights sitting in Tommy's attic, the lawnmower boy across the street that always came in for banana pancakes while unironically humming the song under his breath (she asked him about it once and he just said it was always stuck in his head). They used to play late night games until it was one in the morning and Mari was calling and asking if she was coming home (most nights she didn't, too busy laughing and trying to throw popcorn into each other's mouths). And something inside her realized she missed those nights. She missed the random people she'd fallen in love with, the late nights filled with laughter and shakes instead of nightmares and tears. 

Glancing up she studied Linh's face. It was a mix of concern and confusion, a bit of hesitance, and a lot of wonder. The sudden urge to cry hit Sophie like a brick wall and she did. She cried quietly, knowing that this wasn't something that needed to be cried over yet she needed to do it anyway. Strong arms wrapped themselves around her and Sophie buried her head and tears into Linh's shoulder. "What do you need?" Linh asked after a moment of rubbing small circles into Sophie's back.

"To go home." Linh jerked back, confusion and bewilderment evident in her eyes because home to Linh would never be a small town with a dirt road and covered in trees, it would be a world of brokenness and misplaced ideals that forced her, them, to fix it. It would be a world of shimmering crystals and jobs she never wanted. She didn't know Sophie's was the exact opposite. Sophie explained, the town and what she left behind, not why because it felt stupid, but she explained what Mari was, her friend (mother figure? The one who knew her better than anyone else?), she said she left, and she needed to go back. 

"Okay," Linh said, a finality. And Linh pulled out her computer, and an hour later they had plans and were packing and it all felt too rushed to be real. It felt weirder when Amy said goodbye from the bottom steps of the apartment; she would be coming up the next day with the gang's van. It felt weird, like moving through jelly when they stepped into the Grayhound station and Sophie was left staring at her ticket and at the bus in disbelief.

"Soph," Linh whispered after a beat, "I think you're supposed to, you know, get on the bus."

Sophie knew the functions of buses, better than Linh most likely; she knew that one was supposed to step in it, choose a seat, wait for it to stop, and if it was the desired location one would step off of the bus. If her life were the movie she watched with her parents when she was little, she would walk gracefully, with soft music setting the mood, and when she would sit down, she would let out a breath that she wouldn't know she was holding. She would watch out the window wistfully, and at some point, the music would get quieter and the image of her would fade into the memories of herself meeting Mari, a speed-up of the year she had spent with the woman would play. The music would rise, and the scene of her running trying to hold herself together in the pouring rain. The camera would follow as she ran to the bus stop, as she grabbed a ticket and made it to the last bus for the night with her little duffle bag and tears picture-perfect, the ugly sobs that wracked her that night were just not movie material, and the scene would switch just as she was sitting down in the memory to her standing up, with a new determination in her eyes, in the present.

But, this was not some multimillion-coming-of-age story with a bow on top.

Because Sophie herself was too much of an emotional mess and a real person (term used loosely and does not apply to being a secret-elven-war-hero and more used in the sense of the emotional trauma and not knowing how to function normally that comes with being a secret-elven-war-hero) to be the star of a movie. Who would pay money to go see someone with human emotions also fail at life when they can just look at themselves or the people around them for free? 

"Earth to Sophie!" Linh snapped in front of her face.

"Yes, I'm alive, huh?" Sophie rushed.

Linh snickered and made Sophie blush more than she wanted to admit. "I was wondering if we were actually going to get on the train?" Linh said gently.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry it's just weird, I needed a minute," Sophie apologized.

Linh smiled slightly and gently intertwined their fingers, "I get it, and I'm here for you." Instinctively she leaned into the touch, but a knot of guilt and anxiety tied in her stomach along with thoughts that she had tried desperately to keep out of her head all day. What are you hiding? If I said anything would you still be here? Or will you run from me too?

They found their seats, and Sophie managed to steal her way to the window seat. She stuffed her bag under the seat in front of her and found herself stopping. She let out the breath, she hadn't realized she was holding. A pit settled in her, a deep and endless feeling that she could get lost in. Down down down it went filled with black and heaviness she was so desperately trying to ignore. Her uncertainty scared her the most. It was like the Neverseen, she never knew how long her peace would last or how quickly it would be ruined. 

Hopefully, she could make this last another day. Another night of this feeling, of safety while holding Linh's hand. She wasn't quite ready for this to be over, to rock the boat, to ask about what Linh did. It was selfish, but Sophie was a selfish person. 

The man at the front of the bus, the driver, stood up holding the microphone, and started to say something probably about rules and destinations, but Sophie couldn't hear a word he said. At that moment her thoughts were flooded as the boundaries she built came tumbling down. "Fuck," she whispered, she could barely hear herself. Squeezing her eyes she tried not to cry and kept her head down. This time it wasn't nearly as bad as the street which had so many more people, but still, her head pounded and she dug her nails into her fingers resisting the urge to pick at an eyelash. Surprisingly, it was pretty easy to hide the pain from Linh, whose sole focus was the driver's words. She clamped her jaw shut and focused on the pain in her palms, trying to forget about the migraine. The Grayhound suddenly roared to life and started to move jostling Sophie back into her seat, the motion making it worse. "Fucking christ," she hissed as a particularly loud thought rose to the surface. 

"Babe? You okay?" Linh asked, putting her hand on Sophie's arm, finally noticing that Sophie was very much not okay. It took everything in her not to snap something sarcastic back. 

Instead, she went for a hopefully convincing smile and said, "Yeah I just need to run to the bathroom."

Linh chuckled as she got up. "I told you to go before we left." Sophie nodded in response as her head continued to pound and she reached up to pick an eyelash. She tried to hide the pain as much as she could walking towards the back, holding her balance surprisingly well as the jackhammer in her head continued.

She made it to the bathroom, which was smaller than she expected. Sitting on the closed toilet (it was the size of a portapotty and she wished there was somewhere else to sit) Sophie counted her breaths. Slowly, she opened her mind. It was as bad of an idea as it sounded. The pounding got worse like the thoughts were trying to crack her mind, but Sophie was determined. Sifting through the loud barrage of words and ideas she searched for the quieter voices. She found her way downward (not really but it was the only way to describe the feeling) pushing thoughts to the side building a guarded bridge from her mind. A tiny wisp of thought caught her attention, a blank spot between the screaming. 

Gotcha, she thought triumphantly. 

Pushing forward, imaginary brick by imaginary brick she created a path to the silent mind that was most likely sleeping already. With a push, she found her way in as gently as she could, taking refugee in the calm. She allowed herself a breath before she started to build her mind walls around the second one. One by one the minds faded to the background like static until she was finally at peace in the stranger's head. It felt weird, to say the least. The walls were up, she was fine, she was protected, and yet she felt reluctant to leave. Like she should figure out who this person was. Why did she care? That was a good question, Sophie didn't quite have an answer.

As she was about to leave, pushing away her conflicting thoughts, a memory, tinted blue appeared. She shouldn't have looked at it. That was her first mistake. There were rules against this intrusion, she wasn't supposed to see it. And yet she was curious. So, against her better judgment, Sophie stayed and Sophie watched.

She could tell from the start the memory clearly wasn’t happy. It started in what looked like a bathroom. Dark and grim, dimly lit. They were staring down at the sink, something dripping from their face. It might've been blood. The door opened and the person's head swung, Sophie caught a glimpse of dark hair in the mirror before her attention was drawn to the figure in front of her. 

Dangerous eyes matched a dangerous frame. A red and black striped shirt peeked out from behind a gray jacket rolled up to the man's elbows. Peaking from under the edge of the sleeve was the end of an anchor. Dark eyes were accompanied by a smirk that made Sophie's hair stand up. "What do you want?" a high voice said, presumably the owner of the memory. 

He only raised an eyebrow in response leaning against the wall.

"Oh stop that little act," the voice huffed, "No one’s gonna see you here.”

His face relaxed and for a beat it was silent, then, "You're being reckless."

Saying nothing, the view shifted back to the sink. "I've got nothing to lose," they murmured. Pale hands with bruised knuckles gripped the edge of the sink.

"Yeah? Well welcome to the club," he said gruffly. "The whole reason this little group exists is cause every single one of those people? Guess what, they've got nothing else to lose except this place. And I'm not risking their safety for you."

"Nice to know you care," they said with a huff.

The man's eyes were tired as he pleaded, "Look, you know I'm not great at emotions, but try not to pick a fight with every single person you come into contact with out there?"

"Yeah, I'll try," breathed the voice, defeated. 

"And Linh?" the man kept speaking, but Sophie couldn't hear. Words were muffled as they looked up, and Linh's—her Linh’s—face stared back at her in the mirror. 

Startled, Sophie stumbled out of the memory, out of Linh's mind (why was it Linh's mind?) all together. The wall of the bathroom smacked against the back of her head as she jerked back into herself. "What the hell," she gasped. "What the hell." 

A beat passed till Sophie stood, bumping her knees against the wall across from her. It was awkward trying to maneuver her way out of the miniature-sized bathroom (it didn’t even count as a bathroom). Finally, she pushed the sliding door back to let her out and tried to avoid eye contact with anyone that noticed her. Fumbling her way out, still slightly trapped in her haze of how’s and whys and Linh Linh Linh- she almost passed her seat when Linh tapped her.

Sophie didn’t hear what she said, it all going in one ear and out the other as she tried to mask her intense waves of emotion and thanking the universe that Linh wasn’t an empath. She avoided Linh’s silver eyes, dodging her worried looks.

“I’m fine,” Sophie barked. “Just rattled, wondering what I’m gonna say to Mari,” she lied of course the thought of Mari hadn’t even crossed her mind until then. But when she started to talk she couldn’t stop herself, “It’s just been a long time you know? I don’t know if she even wants to see me. I left her just in the middle of the night with barely a goodbye after a year of living with her and her taking care of me and-“

There was a hand holding hers and another cupping her cheek. “Hey,” Linh whispered, her breath tickled Sophie’s cheek. 

“H-hey,” she stuttered as Linh brushed her thumb under Sophie’s eye, wiping off the tear she didn’t even know was there.

A small smile captured Linh’s face, it made Sophie wonder how this girl was the same one who used to be so so angry. she probably still is, part of her thought before she shoved it away.

“We’re already here, on this bus on our way; this is the point of no return. Okay? And this may be the point of no return, but you’re not alone. I’ve got you and Amy’s coming up tomorrow. You’re not alone in this. Whether she wants you to come or not cause of how long it’s been since she asked, you need this, you can’t just bury this,” Linh said, her hands stayed cupped around Sophie’s face and her eyes held her gaze firmly. 

Sophie let herself nod as she noticed how close Linh was. Part of her wondered if she was supposed to kiss Linh (that’s what couples did right?) but another was stuck turning Linh’s words over in her mind unable to stop thinking, But isn’t that what you did? Bury and bury and bury?

Linh’s smile grew and she felt herself smile too, even if it was small and her mind was too busy overthinking for the aching in her chest to register. They turned away from each other, Linh with a small remark of how tired she was and Sophie grabbing her headphones from her bag. Plugging them in, a desperate attempt to shut out her mind, she felt Linh's head on her shoulder and that smile returned and grew as Linh sighed and curled into her side. For a brief moment, she convinced herself that the girl in the memory was not the same girl she knew. For a fleeting second, Sophie pretended that she couldn't feel herself setting the fire to the beginning of the end.

[takingcourage]

The Start of Forever - Part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Pairing: Drake x MC

Word Count: 2,387

Series Summary: The wedding has passed and the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria are free to begin their lives together away from the constraints of court. While honeymooning in Texas, they’re confronted with questions from their past that raise implications about their future. (Slight AU)

Chapter Summary: Drake and Jena spend some time alone after a difficult conversation with his mother. 

Author’s Note: Whew! Apologies for the unexpected hiatus on this story. Now that I have some free time again, I should be able to finish posting this story. I appreciate your patience through the long delay!

Tagging: @andy-loves-corgis, @carabeth, @speedyoperarascalparty

All things considered, Karen Walker had been rather more understanding than she’d expected. As Jena loaded her cereal bowl into the dishwasher, she thought back over the painstaking conversation that had ended less than an hour before.

Drake had not underestimated the effect that their news would have on his mother. On learning that her son had been given a duchy, color had drained slowly from the older woman’s face until a dull white shell was all that remained. In spite of her polite responses, the visceral reactions had been painful for all three of them.

Shortly after their previous discussion had finished, Karen had pulled Drake aside for a private word. After what she'd seen over the past eighteen hours, Jena could only hope that the woman was doing him no further damage.

She tried to convince herself that she’d done nothing but hurry along the inevitable, but guilt assailed her all the same. This certainly wasn’t the way she’d envisioned this day going. At this point, so much of their morning had been consumed by unpleasant conversation that she wondered if Drake would want to leave early for their night back in Dallas. She glanced a the stovetop clock, trying not to get her hopes up.

The quiet intonations from down the hall were at least somewhat reassuring. There had been no yelling -- of that was certain. If she was venturing to guess, she didn’t think she’d heard anything that sounded like crying either. Both seemed like signs in favor of productive conversation between mother and son.

Jena found a rag draped across the head of the faucet, dampened it, and set about clearing crumbs from the table. As she finished the final swipe across the width, she sensed a presence coming toward her.

“You don’t have to do that, Wittman.” The soft-spoken words startled out of her thoughts, despite her intuition.

“I know. But I needed something to do.” She cupped her hand underneath the cloth and shook the contents into a nearby trash can. “You doing okay?” Having rinsed the rag, she returned it to its former spot and rubbed her hands down the front of her jeans.

“Fine.” His brown eyes were trained on her, and she raised a quizzical brow as he opened and shut his mouth. Eventually, the words ventured forth. “Would you be interested in going riding? I was hoping to get the chance to show you around the ranch…”

“I’d like that a lot, actually,” she assured, still taking in his appearance.

Drake looked tired. It was evident in the exaggerated slackness of the skin around his eyes. A pang of guilt plagued her as she contrasted this with their time at the cabin. He’d been so peaceful there. After all of the stress she’d seen on that face in the past months, it sickened her to think that she’d been the cause of more.

“Good. We may as well get over to the stables. Have you ever actually saddled a horse, Wittman?” He raised his brow in challenge.

“No, but I think I’m about to learn how.” 

“Just as long as you don’t go scaring the horses. I don’t want to have to reenact that rescue from the derby.”

Jena scoffed at the slight, shaking her head in disbelief as she followed him out the front door. “You know that’s not how it happened, Walker.”

“Of course not,” he acquiesced, treating her to a half smile. She rolled her eyes and fell into step at his side, slipping her fingers into his. 

Jena had only ridden horses a few times during childhood, but she’d adjusted to the practice fairly quickly after coming to Cordonia. When she wasn’t taking day-long treks for foxhunting, she found that she actually enjoyed it very much -- especially when she was fortunate enough to have her husband’s company.

Riding around his family’s property spawned memories of exploring Valtoria with him on horseback, and she felt a pang of longing for their home. There was so much waiting for them when they returned. As much as she had enjoyed the honeymoon, some part of her was giddy at the thought of starting real life together.

Today, however, she was focused on Drake’s wellbeing. Other than the extremely thorough instructions as he’d guided her through the process of saddling the horses, he’d been fairly quiet since coming to find her in the kitchen. Jena's mind overflowed with words that could fill the silence, but nothing felt right. She breathed a grateful sigh when he chose to speak instead.

“I was pretty upset with you this morning, Wittman. I was sitting there drinking coffee and thinking that you were being unreasonable -- that you’d judged my mom too harshly. I’m not so sure anymore.”

The uncertainty in his voice halted her instinctive response. Jena breathed out slowly through her nose, biding her time in case there was more he wanted to say.

“I’ve never felt so angry with her before. She can doubt me all she wants, but doubting you -- I never thought she’d go that far. That’s a line she shouldn’t have crossed. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore...”

“For the record, I didn’t want to be right,” Jena admitted softly, grateful that they kept their horses at a relaxed pace so that she could meet his gaze. Her heart clenched at the distance in his deep brown eyes. “I just know what it’s like to defend someone who doesn’t deserve it. Finding out they’re not who you thought they were...it’s a hard pill to swallow.” She fiddled with the leather reins between her fingers, hoping that she was treading lightly enough to cause no offense.

“Your dad?” he asked simply.

Nodding, she met his eyes. The distant look gave way to a tenderness that mirrored her own worry for him, and she was struck by just how broken both of their families had been. “I wasted a lot of years making excuses for him, Drake. When I finally forgave him, it wasn’t because he’d done anything to deserve it. I just needed closure.” Drake stretched out a hand and she took it gratefully before continuing. “I don’t want you to have to go through all of that with your mom. I hope you’re able to figure things out and find a way to start over, but please don’t beat yourself up about it if you’re not.”

Her husband sighed, taking his time to respond as he turned his gaze to the horizon. “I sort of have to. I mean, dad’s not around any more. She doesn’t exactly have anyone else.”

Jena shook her head in an attempt to clear the conflicting emotions. She’d realized long ago that his protective instinct would have a propensity for getting them in trouble. She just hadn’t expected the trouble to take this form. “You always want to defend the people you care about, Drake. It’s one of the first things I noticed about you -- one of the things I love most about you too. But sometimes you have to think about protecting yourself. Sometimes that may even mean letting others protect you.”

“I don’t like to have people worrying about me.”

“We’ve been over this before…”

“I know. And sometimes having you around to worry about me is a good thing. I wouldn’t have come clean with my mom if it hadn’t been for you.”

“I hope it was the right decision.” She’d spent the past several hours second guessing her encouragement from the night before. “Did things...go okay?”

“Heh.”

She waited several moments, but he elaborated no further. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she ventured finally.

“Just that I think it’s going to take some time for her to adjust to the idea that I’m a noble and that I’m staying in Cordonia for good. But I think some part of her is proud too. Maybe someday she’ll come around to the idea that I’m not just wasting my life over there.”

“Does she really think that?” The words felt strangled as Jena worked them out of her throat. So many of her early interactions with Drake became clearer as she considered Karen’s likely influence.

He clicked his tongue to encourage the horse, but her question remained unanswered. Several paces later, he came to a sudden stop. Jena pulled the reins gently and dismounted to stand beside him in the tall grass.

“We’ll let the horses graze for a bit.”

She stroked the mare’s bony cheek and dropped the reins, putting her hands in her pockets instead. Squinting against the mid-morning sun, she followed Drake to a line of fencing nearby. Green stretched before them on every side, the light wind stirring long blades of grass into mesmerizing waves. She wondered vaguely if this was the sight that had enticed Karen to come back from Cordonia. Out here, in the warmth of late spring, it wasn’t hard to imagine the appeal that this land must have held.

Drake leaned against the nearest post, a wrinkle forming between his brows. With ease, Jena mounted the fence beside him, steadying herself with a certain hand.

Did I cross a line? Why hasn’t he answered my question? Jena hated the thought that her carelessness might have caused such distress. A week ago, she wouldn’t have been so bothered by the thought. Now, as this man’s wife, she felt some measure of responsibility to read his mind. The notion was ridiculous, but present nonetheless. Just as she was clearing her throat, he spoke.

“I’m not sure what my mother thinks anymore. She didn’t take it very well when I moved back to Cordonia. Wanted me to forge my own path instead of running back to the palace.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Going back?” At her nod, he continued. “I had a lot of questions at the time, but in a way, mom’s right. I’d been following Liam around for so long that it was easier to just settle back into that when I came back from the States. It took me a while to find where I belonged in all of it.  But no, I don’t regret it. Cordonia is home.”

“You’ve found your way now. And with or without the courtly graces, you’re still Drake Walker,” she beamed encouragingly. “I just wish your mom had taken the chance to get to who that man is.” A fresh sting of remorse accompanied the words, and she looped her fingers around the hand that rested beside her on the fence.

Drake interlocked his fingers with her own and lifted his face tentatively. “I think I’d like for her to get the chance to.”

Her pulse quickened at the meaning that underpinned his words. Biting her tongue, she shifted her weight toward him and took in his pensive expression.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He hiked a hand through his hair. “But I’m not sure I’d ever forgive myself if I cut the relationship off completely. I’d always wonder if things could have been different. I’m not saying that I want to come out here for Christmases or anything, but--” preoccupied, he ceased speaking as she squeezed his hand. 

“I’ll support whatever you choose, Drake. I can’t say I have a very good first impression of her, but I respect how much she means to you. If I had any hope of my dad changing for the better, I’d probably make the same choice.” Her tone grew wistful at the impossible notion. “But I think we’re going to have to find a compromise. I don’t want you bending over backward to make her a part of our lives if she won’t even meet you halfway. You can’t do that to yourself, Drake.”

“Agreed.”

“So she’s going to have to understand that there are boundaries she can’t cross. It’s going to take some time for us to establish trust again.”

“Sounds fair to me,” he considered, stroking her knuckles with his thumb as he looked to her face. “She’s been through a lot, Jena. I don’t want to put her through more than she deserves.”

“I know,” she responded quickly to the flash of pain in his eyes. “But if she puts you through more than you deserve, she’ll have me to contend with.” Although her tone was light, they both knew that the threat was genuine.

He hoisted himself onto the fence beside her, dropping his hands to his sides. “I never thought I’d be so happy to get back to Valtoria, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

She offered a wry smile. “I am too. I know we’re going to try to work things out here, but I can’t wait to get back to Dallas and then home.”

“It’s the last night of our trip, Wittman. How do you want to spend it?”

“Seeing as it’s the last night of our honeymoon,” she emphasized, “I was thinking room service, hot tub, and…some drinks.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind.”

“I’m not going overboard though. We’ve got a day full of traveling tomorrow.”

“We’ll sleep it off on the plane.”

“Maybe you will," she joked, hopping down from the fence. “I’ll be awake for it all.”

“Even if I keep you up all night?”

Jena threw him a look over her shoulder. "That didn’t exactly work for the trip out here." He extended a hand toward her and she settled into the space between his legs, running her palms against toned thighs that were stretched taut from his heels pressing into the lower rail.

"I’ll take that as a challenge.” The glint in his eyes sent tendrils of heat through her core.

“Just keeping you on your toes, Walker.” 

Drake shook his head at her accompanying wink. 

“Ready when you are,” she announced, rising to the tips of her toes. Drake cradled her cheek in his hand and leaned into the kiss. His lips were soft and warm, heated by the morning sun. She snaked her arms around his waist and melted into him with pleasure. When she finally pulled away, it took several moments for her head to clear.

The kiss told her all she needed to know. They would make it through this.  Together. 

[hwrteyee]

Woahh redraw // redesign of an old creepypasta oc

Its name is Jennifer/Jena Bennett Solace !! he uses she/he/xe/it pronouns, it prefers xe/it being used the most though, and uhhhh trust me you dont wanna see what xe looked like at the start,, just

♥︎please DO NOT trace/copy/repost/heavily reference my art/ocs.

[majorkirastan]

1 to 30. if your answer isnt clown.wmv you are a certified bonafide cuck

thats nice but im going to give actual replies.  know that in my heart the answer is clown.wmv

1: A song you like with a color in the title

im going with rainbow connections by garfunkel and oates because rainbow is basically just a bunch of colors

2: A song you like with a number in the title

music jail, pt. 1 & 2 by they might be giants (does this count as one song.  i think so,)

3: A song that reminds you of summertime

wonderland by caravan palace because it slaps smh!

4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

black parade by mcr.  why?  reminds me of middle school me and i ABSOLUTELY want to forget her bitch ass

5: A song that needs to be played LOUD

immortals by fob ngl it slaps

6: A song that makes you want to dance

birdhouse in your soul by they might be giants.  it, also, slaps albeit in a different manner

7: A song to drive to

call them brothers by regina spektor simply bc i like the song.  i cant drive

8: A song about drugs or alcohol

gasoline by halsey.  we r all basic on main tonight

9: A song that makes you happy

i cant decide by the scissor sisters even tho its uhh kinda wack

10: A song that makes you sad

most of my music ngl but lets go with under my skin by jukebox the ghost

11: A song that you never get tired of

again, most of my music ngl.  but uhh go get your gun by the dear hunter

12: A song from your preteen years

literally the entire black parade album do Not do this to me i still have all the words memorized

13: One of your favorite 80’s songs

dont lets start by tmbg.  i had to fucking look up when all my music came out because i dont know fuck about shit but dont lets start dropped in the 80s suck my ass

14: A song that you would love played at your wedding

cant help falling in love bitch its a classic!!!! but specifically the jena irene version because listen its good

15: A song that is a cover by another artist

i know approximately one cover and it was my answer to the last question please dont hurt me

16: One of your favorite classical songs

beethovens 5th fucking slaps and if you think it doesnt go hard im legally obligated to eat your epidermis

17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

this is truly goddamn testing me because i dont listen to a lot of duets but probably rainbow connections again

18: A song from the year that you were born

i could not find a single song that i have saved that came out in the year i was born and i want to do this with songs from my library so.  die bitch

19: A song that makes you think about life

anything by mother mother dont @ me.  maybe no one to nothing in particular???

20: A song that has many meanings to you

lets see how far we’ve come,, by the matchbox 20,,,, because i enjoy it but i cannot listen to it without thinking of h*mestuck smdh!

21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title

oh ana by mother mother

22: A song that moves you forward

you are such a loser by garfunkel and oates dont @ me bitch!

23: A song that you think everybody should listen to

i do not want people to listen to my music ever because i get embarassed.  maybe the wolf by siames

24: A song by a band you wish were still together

& by tally hall.  tally hall is in fact still together but on an indefinite hiatus so it counts ok,

25: A song by an artist no longer living

hey brother by avicii smdh

26: A song that makes you want to fall in love

im IN love bitch but uhhhhh the whole world and you by tally hall makes me think abt gf so theres that

27: A song that breaks your heart

i dont even care about you by missio ig?

28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love

oh god,,,,,,,,, pretty little head by eliza rickman maybe?

29: A song that you remember from your childhood

one week by the barenaked ladies.  but also a lot of tmbg songs specifically the flood album

30: A song that reminds you of yourself

i dont fuckin know maybe problems by mother mother

also yall can send duplicates and try to make me answer with another song but im warning you if i couldnt find an answer this time youre not getting one buddy

[melien]

Replies... all the way from a month ago. I know I haven’t been active lately, for some reason I’ve got back into drawing and some other stuff that prevented me from playing sims (those who know please don’t expose me), but I’ll try to post and catch up as often as I can. Also I’m ill and certainly not anticipating going back to university because catching up with studies is going to kick my ass. Thankfully, after 3829138 years, I have finally stopped freaking out over my amount of saves and just decided to play what I want and how I want, without self-pressure that didn’t do me good. And thank you guys for accepting whatever I post, it really means the world to me! I never thought the Satellites would receive such a warm welcome.

P.S. forgot to add, sorry if I’m ignoring any tags! I honestly have lost count with what I did and what I didn’t do but I appreciate every single tag a lot.

blurrypxls said: I’m genuinely sobbing

Past Megan don’t cry

simsandthensome said: I love the eyes! Those contacts are amazing *o *

Thank you! I absolutely love them *-*

simlovinggirl said: They’re adorable even as aliens :D ♥

I know right! There’s just something about them :3

simlovinggirl said: *swoon* i’m so glad I keep getting to see pictures of him even if he is gone in the actual legacy :D

Of course, legacy is not the end! I dont think I’ll ever forget Tobias :3

simlovinggirl said: Beauty ♥

simlovinggirl said: She’s so gorgeous ♥ ♥

Thanks! I’m now basing all my new sims off Blizzard lol

simlovinggirl said: Yes you can do a triple heir *-* she’s adorable :D

Haha no matter what she’ll definitely stay in the house for a while together with her spouse!

simlovinggirl said: How do you make such adorable sims all the time!! ♥

Awwww man :3

simlovinggirl said: This makes me love Nate even more than i already did :D

I hope I’ll get to show his side of events one day!

simlovinggirl said: I mean i know you’ve got like 1000 things going on, but i love them :D I’d love to see something with them ♥

Again, thank you :3 Maybe someday when I’m in a mood for berries! (yeah, sometimes I am in a mood for berries)

simlovinggirl said: Welcome back :) As always, just post whatever inspires you and if nothing does than just relax and enjoy some more you time :) ♥ ♥

You’re always super sweet and yesss I’m now following this principle!

simlovinggirl said: I hope your feeling better after your break :D Glad to see you back! I missed you and your cute sims on my dash ♥

*showering you with hearts*

romeo-and-simulet said: yassssss

YASSSS

simnights said: Forever one of my fave custom worlds

create-a-sim said: sweet jesus, I need it so much

I’m happy to get more people learn about TS3 Strangetown! It’s amazing

simlovinggirl said: AHHH!!!! Awww she looks so cute in your game ♥ ♥ She has the special Melien touch :D Love it, can’t wait to read more :D ♥ ♥

“Special Melien touch” awwwwwww I’m blushing

create-a-sim said: so bright! :D

plumboblures said: love the yellow-magenta combo, and hey, it’s annoying dog :D

simmreaper said: not gonna lie, first thing I noticed in this picture was the wallpaper xD.

davidmont said: Awwww

davidmont said: The wall paper is so beautiful too I love the colors

I’m happy that you like my nonexistent decorating skills guys! The annoying dog wallpaper was made by the amazing Stephaniesim along with the other nerdy patterns and I screeched when I first saw it *-*

aliengrove said: But a cute grump

A very cute grump :3

romeo-and-simulet said: a vampire in the desert would be a bit ironic wouldn’t it

Hmmm you’re actually right... here’s another reason why it would be problematic

romeo-and-simulet said: I’m rhea

thinking about the universe

usagisims said: she’s so cute! so much swag lol

Indeed! I love her for that *-*

romeo-and-simulet said: GURL THAT POSE MAKES ME CRY

WHEN I FOUND THIS PICTURE IN MY FOLDER I CURSED THE PAST MYSELF FOR NEVER POSTING IT (I think I never did)

davidmont said: 😍😍😍😍

Waffle faces are the best

simlovinggirl said: lmao, Rhea does not look happy about that xD Poor Sierra ♥

romeo-and-simulet said: I love that first one! so mischievous

The fine example of funny sims expressions :D

hcz0307 said: cute!

Thanks ♥

romeo-and-simulet said: EMBRACE ME GOAT MOTHER

plumboblures said: TORIEL IS BEAUTIFUL OH MY <3

THANK YOU I WAS ESPECIALLY NERVOUS ABOUT HER

stephaniesim said: I take it all of these captions are going to be from the musical :3

Well, almost all of them :3

lavisims said: OMG I love her so much!!

Thaaaaaanks! I really tried to create a nice version of her so I won’t end up with spear of justice shoved up my ass

berrysweetboutique said: Loving this series

Thank you Berry ;___; it made me happy

romeo-and-simulet said: otp

OTP x100000000000

romeo-and-simulet said: the souls let me die

It was a final touch before queuing and boy I’m extremely happy with it

romeo-and-simulet said: THE TOOTH GAP

That’s my headcanon :3

simmeronnie said: Omg the gif is so adorable ;-; and thank you too!

I almost always use puppy gifs at these asks, they’re the best :D

romeo-and-simulet said: the refin'

Ba-dum-tss

romeo-and-simulet said: hand model

simlovinggirl said: So graceful :)

And the “best hands” award goes to Rhea

simmeronnie said: Your sims are so cute it should be illegal :D

cookiemonsterrsims said: AAAAAAAAAAA SO. CUTE

Awwww guys ;____; I guess these custom teeth I downloaded recently contributed to the cuteness of my recent sims

romeo-and-simulet said: THE GREAT ATTICUS AND ASTORIA CUTIE

I SEE WHAT YOU DID HERE

simmeronnie said: I’m gonna repeat myself a little but SHE’S SO CUTE

simlovinggirl said: She’s so gorgeous I love her :D :D

create-a-sim said: she’s SO ADORABLE mdgmdjgdjwjgw I can’t

I’m so so so happy that you love her, I hope her story won’t disappoint too :3

simlovinggirl said: Awww she’s so cute preggy!

She is *-*

romeo-and-simulet said: its a save point

DEFINITELY

romeo-and-simulet said: this is goals

Squad goals & picture goals

katatty-main said: i loved jena during this arc! 💙💙

I always think that I could have done it better but I’m happy that you did *-*

romeo-and-simulet said:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(that’s what nabias does to people) ♥

romeo-and-simulet said: i could say some slightly indecent things about cakes but i won’t because this is a feelsy scene that doesn’t need my filth all over it

This reminds me how I liked the Birthday Cake song and played it on my birthday until I learned what do the lyrics mean

[saltynemo]

Rainstorm

WHATADO Everybody, Its your boi Nemo back at it again with another Fanfiction. I thought about doing a Tyler Joseph fanfiction but I wasn't in the mood for making a smut, so I made a fluff! Sorry if its kind of long, but other wise, I hope you enjoy it :) (This is Jena from the future: This is one of my first stories written so pls excuse errors)

Summery: Y/n is having a hard time dealing with a storm, and Tyler decides to calm her down

Type: Fluff

Warning: !Cute Tyler!, Storms

Requested?: Nope

Word Count: 1.7k (1,728 words)

PT.2

So without further a do, P-P-P-P-PLAY IT:

You look outside to see nothing but dark clouds and raindrops smeared on your window. A storm was heading over you and your boyfriends house rn, and it was horrible. You didnt mind thunderstorms that much, but since your boyfriend, Tyler, was running late, it worried you. He told you he would be home at 5:00 pm, but its already 5:35 . Today was the day you would see him after what seemed like forever, since he was gone on tour. You imagined him being in a car accident, which brought tears to your eyes. Following those thoughts was a loud clap of thunder, which drove you to hide your head under the sheets and burst out into tears. Clips of Tyler being in a hospital bed or, even worse, a coffin made you cry even louder. Just then, you saw lightning flash outside your window, following a rumble of thunder. You were scared of everything at this point.

You were crying so much that you didnt hear Tyler come through the front door and into yours and his room. "Hey hey hey, whats wrong?!" Tyler said, putting down his things and running to the bed. You picked up your head and removed the covers from your face. You instantly hugged him. "Y/n, im here..please dont cry." Tyler said, petting your head, trying to calm you down. "Im sorry I was late, the rain slowed me down." he added. "I-i thought you were in a c-car accident or something worse...i was s-scared that y-you g-g-ot hurt.." you stuttered out, sniffling as well. "Aw, baby im so sorry you had to go through that.." he said patting your head. He sat besides the bed and pulled you onto his lap. You leaned your head over his shoulder, trying to calm down (you failed that part). He rubbed your back: "Hey, shhhh your fine..im here with you." Tyler said, making you become more calm.

All of the sudden, Tyler starts singing softly. His voice is like an angel. He starts singing one of your favorite songs, Truce. You start to calm down, knowing Tyler is holding you in his arms, the rain is slowing down, and a song is being sung. "Stay alive, stay alive, for me. You will die, but now your life is free.." Tyler sang, stroking your hair. You stopped crying and lifted your head from his now soaked shoulder. You face him and look into his dark eyes: "Take pride in what is sure to die..." he finishes. You lean your forehead onto his so your nose is touching his. "I love you, Tyler. Thank you." you say, pecking his lips softly. "I love you too, Y/n." he says, rubbing his nose against yours. You both chuckle at his action. You look outside your window: "Hey, it stopped raining!" you cheered. Tyler came over and also looked outside. "Wow Tyler, your voice does wonders." you chuckled. He laughed and smiled, crinkling his eye a bit. "Yea, hehe. I guess it does. Thanks." Tyler said, walking away to the bathroom. "Hey, Ty?" you called out to him. "Whats up?" he said, washing his hands. "Is it alright if we go out to eat? I dont feel like cooking.." you asked, hoping for a 'yes' answer. "Yea, sure baby! Where do you wanna go?" he replied, turning off the sink and walking out of the bathroom. You didnt want fast food, so you had to think of a nice restaurant. Tyler leaned on the wall, waiting for an answer. "How about *insert cliche Italian restaurant name*? We havnt gone in a while." you stated. "Yea sure! Sounds nice. But we cant go like this, we need to get dressed.." he said, laughing a small bit after. "Agreed!" you said, laughing as well.

Tyler heads to the shower, while you head to your closet. You pick out a nice black dress that ends at mid thigh. You pick up a black and white choker, hoping it will be a nice touch. You look in the mirror and you are happy with what you see. You hear the shower stop and sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for Tyler. Tyler comes out with a towel rapped around his waist. He pauses, looking you up and down: "Nice outfit, your gorgeous, Y/n." he said, smiling a little bit. "Thank you, Ty." you cooed. Tyler stood there for a moment, staring at your face. "You ok?" you chuckle. "Oh-oh yea, Sorry. I was blinded by beauty [(cringe cringe cringe)]." he laughed, walking away to the closet. You laughed at his words: "Nice save." you complimented. Tyler chuckled in response. He put on a nice black button up shirt and some dress pants. He didnt bother tucking in his shirt. "You ready?" Tyler asked. "Yep! Lets get going before the rain starts again." You replied. Tyler began walking out to the front door, you followed. He grabbed the keys from a little shelf by the door and headed out, locking the door behind you both. Once you reached the car, Tyler opened the passenger door for you. "Thank you" you said. "Anytime" he said, adding a smile. Once he turned on the car, you headed out to dinner.

*TIME SKIP brought to you by Patrick's fedora*

"Here you are!" the waiter said, bringing you and Tylers food. "Ah, yes. Im starving. Thank you" Tyler said, laughing a small bit after. The waiter put your food down. "Would you like anything else?" she asked. "I think were ok, thanks" you cheered, happy that the food is here. The waiter walked away to the kitchen. "So, how was your to-" you asked, suddenly cut off by a loud crack of thunder. You jump at the sudden noise. "Whoa! That was loud!" Tyler said. You sat there for a moment, shaking and wondering what just happened. "Hey, Y/n? Are you ok?" Tyler asks, concerned. "Im, i-m alright." you finally say. "Lets just eat.." you add, digging into your food.

After what seemed like a hundred noises from outside, both you finish your food. The waiter comes around and places the check. You get out your wallet to pay, but Tyler stops you: "Ill pay, its fine." he says. "If you insist." you say, laughing a little bit. "Lets get out of here, before it rains." You say, grabbing your things and heading for the door. Tyler held the door open for you and you thanked him. You headed for the car door, and, once again, Tyler opened the door for you. "Thank you" you said, following a smile. He smiled back and headed for the wheel.

The ride home was quiet (except for slight thundering), but not akward. Occasionaly, he would look over to see if your alright, and look back to the road. Once you he pulled into the drive way, he got out quickly to open the door for you. You got out of the car and headed for the door, waiting for him. Tyler unlocked the door and let you in. "Im gonna go take a shower, Ty!" You call out to him while you walk to the bathroom. You take off your dress and everything else and jump in the shower. The hot water hits you emediatly, making you feel relaxed

After a good 30 minutes of taking a shower, you hop out and dry off. You get your pajamas on and step out of the bathroom. "Hey Y/n/n. Finally out of the shower, I see" he jokes. "It felt good, ok?" you say, laughing. "Wanna watch Netflix?" Tyler asked. "As long as we dont watch Fight Club again" you say. "Whatever, what do you wanna watch then?" Tyler asked, dissapointed. "How about...Deadpool." you chuckle. "Ah, why not. Lets watch it" Tyler says, smiling from ear to ear. You smile and hop onto the bed with Tyler. You lean your head on his chest while he searches for the movie.

*TIME SKIP 1 HOUR brought to you by Tylers Left Thumb*

The jokes the movie made never got old, even though this is about your 50th time watching it. A major fight scene was taking place and you didnt want to miss it. Your eyes were glued to the screen. Tyler was tracing cirlces on the top of your head. He kissed your forehead lightly. All of the sudden, you saw a lightning flash outside your window. Before you could cover your ears, a loud crack was heard and all the lights went out and it was pitch black. You screamed and hid in Tylers arms. "Shh shh shh, its okay baby, im here for you. Tylers here.." Tyler whispered, rubbing your back softly. Your head was in his chest and your arms were around him. You let out some tears from the noise of thunder. Tyler turned on his phone flashlight for some light in the room. "Here baby, get under the covers..youll be ok, im here" He said, letting you go so you can get under the covers. He stood up and took his phone so he can get to his backpack. He picked up something but you couldnt see what it was. He jogged back over to the bed and layed back down next to you. Tyler rubbed your head and kiss your forehead: "It will be fine, honey. Just wait till the power comes back on.."he said. You were still crying a little bit, but you tried to calm down. Just then, you heard Tyler softly start playing his ukelele. You looked up into his eyes while he played. "Wise men say..only fools rush in...But I can't help..falling in love....with...you" Tyler sang. You smile from ear to ear and lay your head down on the pillow. He continues to play softly, calming you down. "Shall I stay...would it be a sin.." Tyler sings. Angels were jelouse of his voice, his voice was amazing. "If I can't help....falling in love with you.." he sings. I sit up and kiss him lighlty on his lips: "Thank you Tyler..I dont know what i would do without you.." you say, now leaning your head on his shoulder. Tyler puts his ukulele down besides the bed and kisses your forehead lighlty: "I dont know what i would do aswell, your my everything. I cant stand to see you cry.." Tyler cooes. You take your head off his shoulder and put it back on the pillow. "Lets get some shut eye.." Tyler says, laying down. You kiss his nose softly, making him scrunch up his nose. You both laugh. You turn your back away from him, trying to find a comfortable position. Tyler scootches close to you, wrapping his arms around you. "Goodnight, baby" he whispers. "Goodnight Ty" you say..drifting off to sleep.

(Sorry for any errors or POV switches. Over all, I hoped you liked it :D) (BTW THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LIKES!! Send me a message or something like that if you would like a second part to this :)) )

[ricenotes-blog]

a lil introduction

helloo!! my name is jen (short for jena <s>[with one ‘n’ lol]</s>) and welcome to my new studyblr!! ahah here are some simple facts about me

♡ im full korean but raised in canada (but im still fluent in korean, i had to learn it the hard way lol)

♡ im 13 years old, im going to 9th grade this fall!! 

♡ i made a studyblr to have a community that can keep me motivated for the rest of highschool and i wanted to have some type of platform i could keep some of my studying life on so i can look back on when im 80 and the world is ending lol

♡ another reason is that my grades are pretty good overall but i get low percentages so i want to be more confident in my grades and such.

♡ during my free time, i like to play video games and watch anime hehe(◕ᴗ◕✿). my favourite video game is persona 5 and my favourite anime is charlotte!!

♡ my favourite subject would have to be math and science (for now lets see how grade 9 is going to change that lool

♡ my biggest inspiration for a studyblr would be @studyquill and @studyign because they were the first people i found on youtube about studying maybe about half a year ago from now? i didnt know about the tumblr community but i found out about the studying community on youtube lol

 yea that should be it for now! im not very fond of talking about myself so this is kind of weird lolol

please dont hesitate to talk to me, give me feedback, advice etc. i believe the best way to live is to be open about anything new! well, thank you for reading my little introduction and ill try to post whenever i can!!

hehe jen ouuuuuttttt✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ☆.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ*:₀｡

[ryorchestra]

Live 2019

Ryorchestra 小埜涼子(pf&flute)  Ryoko Ono 臼井康浩(g)  Yasuhiro Usui 武藤祐志(g)  Yuji Muto 石垣篤友(b) Atsutomo Ishigaki 片桐伸和(dr) Nobukazu Katagiri 白木佐也加(vo&pf) Saayaka Siraishi 松田大二郎(vo) Daijiro Matsuda

Ryorchestra EURO tour 2019, it's starting soon! we are looking forward to meeting you each venues. please dont let this chance slip away!!! yeahhhh!!

Ryorchestra EURO tour 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_bEnecZIpc

Sep 2019 26 Paris / Le toriton http://www.letriton.com/

27 Munich / Glockenbach Werkstatt https://www.glockenbachwerkstatt.de/veranstaltungen

28 Wurzburg / Freaksshow https://www.facebook.com/events/felix-fechenbach-haus/freakshow-artrock-festival-2019-w%C3%BCrzburg-27-28september/638646749961482/

29 Jena / Café Wagner e.V https://www.wagnerverein-jena.de/?page_id=3940/#cafe

[hamelaisley]

Chapter 6

"god what is taking her so long?!?!?" jena asked. it had been like 20 minutes and jen still wasnt back.

"maybe you should go get her" josh said. "or we could take a cab"

"no ill go get her" jena said. she walked to the bathrooms where jen had gone.

jena came back with jen. jen was obviously crying in there. her whole face was red and puffy and her eye makeup was all smeared.

josh didnt look at jen.

"cool ok lets go" jena said. they all walked out of the club to jens car.

josh got into the backseat because he didnt want to be closer to jen then he needed. jena also sat in back.

"ugh you know what josh??? im so tired i dont think im up for a sleepover tonight" jena said. "but i would really like to take you up on that offer another time"

"a sleepover?" jen asked quietly.

"ya" said jena. josh could hear jen quietly crying. he almost felt bad. almost.

when they got to jenas house she kissed josh on the lips and got out of the car.

"you can sit up here you know. i dont bite" jen said.

"im fine back here" he coldly said.

her face looked heartbroken when she shrugged and started driving.

"you didnt answer any of my calls"

"your right i didnt answer any of your calls"

"josh" she said. her voice cracked when she said it.

"yeah you know what just let me out right here i can walk home or call a cab or something"

"josh please dont be like this!!"

"stop this car or im jumping out"

jen stopped the car on the side of the road.

"josh im begging you please stay. please dont leave" jen said. she was crying now.

"what part of i dont want anything to do with you didnt you get???!?" josh angrily said.

"josh i lo-love y-you"

"fuck you jennifer i dont care anymore"

josh got out of the car and left jen crying hard in the front seat.

-XX-

"its okay jen dont be nervous. whatever happens is suppose to happen" josh said.

two months ago josh and jen were having sex in hawaii when the condom broke. it scared them both to death but they thought that if jen were pregnant they would know by now. but she had been throwing up for a week now and they were worried. jen held the pregnant test in one hand and joshs hand in the other.

she already peed on it so now they were just waiting for the results.

josh put his hand on top of the pregnancy test and looked at jen.

"jennifer you know ill never hurt you right????"

she smiled at him.

"i mean it jen. i will never hurt you. no matter what happens i love you too much to ever hurt you. all ill ever do is protect you. so if were gonna be parents its okay because i will never leave your side and will always take care of you okay??? no matter what happens im here for you always and forever. your not in this alone were in this together. all of it"

when josh was done he moved his hand so that they could see the results.

they were negative.

jen knew she should be relieved but she couldnt help but want that with josh. a marriage a family a forever.

"i love you josh" she said.

"i love you too jennifer. im glad its me and you against the world because i wouldnt want it any other way"

"me either" jen whispered. "me either"

Chapter 7

it was a month sense josh and jena went out. they had fooled around a lil but jena said they needed to stop because they were hurting jen.

and they were. jen lost probably like 15 pounds sense that night and always looked really tired. there scenes together were awkward and sometimes jen had to stop in the middle because she just couldnt do it.

josh was sitting in his trailer and he heard someone knocking on his door. he went and opened it. it was jen.

"c-can we talk????" she asked. her eyes were red and puffy like she was crying.

"about what???!"

"about us"

"no" he shut the door in her face. he heard something push against the door and start crying. are you kidding me josh thought.

he opened the door again and jen was sitting with her knees to her chest crying.

"okay FINE we can talk" said josh.

jen didnt move. josh sat down next to her. he felt bad. he was treating her really mean.

"look jen im sorry i treated you so bad you dont deserve that.......im sorry. for everything. for prague and for hurting you and for treating you like crap and just for all of it. im sorry.

jen looked at him. "im sorry too josh" she smiled. "i miss you josh"

"i miss you too jen"

josh used his hand to wipe away some of her tears. suddenly jen pulled forward and kissed him.

josh was so surprised but pulled out of it fast. "jen what the fuck?!?!"

"im sorry i dont......i dont know....."

"your with nick!!!! why would you do that?!?!! do you have a thing for hurting the people who love you or something like that??!?!? because you keep fucking doing it!! why cant you just stop????"

"because i love you josh not nick"

josh got up. jen started to panic.

"no please josh please im sorry im so sorry i missed you so much please dont leave please josh i need you........"

"look jen i need sometime.........maybe we can be friends again but........."

"josh i dont want to be just friends!!!!"

"well then i guess we wont be anything"

"josh i-I broke up with nick. im not with him anymore its ok. we can go back to the way things were. please josh. please"

"no jennifer"

"what about that night in the garden josh?!?!!!!? huh?!?!!!? what about that night???!?!!?"

"i was a different person then"

"that doesnt-"

"goodbye jen" josh said and he closed the door to his trailer.

-XX-

the garden was so pretty. there were flowers everywhere and a cute little pond where there were lots of green frogs on lily pads. the garden also smelled good like flowers because there were alot of those.

"omg josh this place is beautiful" jen said. josh took her to a bench and they sat on it.

"yeah it is isnt it" josh said. he took a little bag out of his pocket.

"whats that???" jen asked. josh opened the bag up and took what was inside it.

it was a charm bracelet. "it was my grandmas" josh said and he put it on jens wrist.

"its one of my prized possessions....."

"josh.....are you sure you want me to have this?????"

"my grandma told me to give it to the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with"

jen smiled. "oh josh......."

"think of it as a promise. a promise that i wont ever leave you. even if this relationship doesnt work out theres nothing that could make me stop loving you. your my soulmate jen"

"i love you josh"

"i love you too jen"

-XX-

jen sat outside joshs trailer and played and looked at her charm bracelet. jen knew she should probably give it back but she couldnt. she was still holding on to the hope that josh meant what he said that night. that this was just a bad time for them but josh would still love her because she was his soulmate and he was hers. but she kinda didnt think that was gonna happen. she messed things up really bad and they probably wouldnt ever be the same.

she felt the tears coming again and she took the bracelet off and put it down for josh to find later. she left after that.

Chapter 8

josh only had one scene left to do in mockingjay part 2. so even though his head hurt because of his hangover he was pretty happy when he got on set.

josh opened up his script to find the scene he was gonna do today.

he was not happy when he found it. of course it was with jen of course. why wouldnt it be???

"oh there you are josh!!! you ready to film your last scene???" the director francis said.

"ya i guess" he said. he put his script down and walked to where he needed to be. jen was already there. she looked like she cried all night instead of sleeping.

"do you two know what your doing????" asked the director francis.

jen and josh nodded.

"ok then.......action!!!!"

"katniss i remember about the bread. we were outside at the end of the day. i tried to catch your eye. you looked away. and then…....for some reason i think you picked a dandelion"

jen nodded.

“i must have loved you a lot”

"y-you did" jens voice cracked and she had tears coming down her cheeks.

"and did you love me???" asked josh. he wasnt sure if this is katniss and peeta or josh and jen.

"yes" jen whispered. "i loved you so much and i still do"

francis looked over the lines really confusedly because that wasnt jens line.

josh glared at jen. "why do you keep doing this?!? why cant you just stop it and run away with fucking perfect nick huh???!! what the fuck is your problem?!?!!!? havent you hurt me enough?!?!?"

"i dont love him josh!!! i cant love him because hes not you and i made a mistake okay we shouldnt have broken up and nick was a mistake and im a mistake and.......and.......josh you said you wouldnt hurt me!!! me and you against the world remember?!?! you said you loved me too much to do anything but take care of me and that no matter what you wouldnt leave my side!!!! and.......and......." jennifer was crying too hard to finish. the tears turned into sobs and snot and sadness.

no one knew what to do. francis stood totally still and totally silent. no one moved. everyone just let jen cry.

-XX-

it was the night jen went to pick up jena and josh. jen got out of her car and tried not to cry. josh hated her and she knew it because he would walk home to not have to ride with her. she blew it. josh moved on with jena now. jen was nothing to him now.

she went into her house.

she took her macbook and walked up to her room. she turned the macbook on and opened to the folder where she kept her video diaries that she did to keep her mind off being away from josh.

she hit record.

"i fucked it up. he officially hates me now. i broke him more then he broke me and now hates me. which is what i wanted i guess but......was it??? was it really ever what i wanted??? because here i am.........talking to myself........ because.........because i love him.......... i still love joshua ryan hutcherson and i dont know what to do about it"

Chapter 9

josh walked to jen and grabbed her hand and took her to his trailer. he got her a box of tissues and held her until she stopped crying. even when she wasnt crying anymore she didnt move.

"we need to talk" josh calmly said. jen looked up.

"okay"

"jennifer why did you ignore me for 3 months????"

jen looked down. "i.......always wanted a family of my own. when we had that pregnancy scare i realized how bad i want it.......and how bad i want to have it with you josh. but i cant get it here. not in hollywood.....so i wanted to run away with you and when you said no it.........felt like everything was ruined. that you didnt love me not really. and so i went to nick for comfort and.......distractions-"

"-sex"

"to try and get away from what hurt which was you. but i missed you so god damn much i........i listened to every voicemail you ever sent me but i couldnt call you back. it hurt too much......and when i saw you again for the first time in 3 months i felt like i couldnt live without you but i had to and........the thing with nick .......i knew it would never work out because i dont want him i want you and it just made me feel guiltier and.........oh josh. im so sorry.

"i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you......i still do. your my soulmate. but i need to know.......do you wanna spend the rest of your life with me????? am i your soulmate????"

"yes josh your my soulmate. your it.........its you josh........it was always you. i love you.. im sorry about everything. i wish i could go back in time......."

josh wiped a tear off her cheek.

"its okay jen. and you were right back there. i said id always be there for you and i wasnt. it was me against you in the world instead of me and you against the world and im so sorry"

"josh why did you kiss jena???"

"to try and forget about you"

"did it work???"

"well im here arent i????"

jen smiled. josh stared at her.

"yeah i guess you are"

"nothing could ever make me forget you. ive been hopelessly inlove with the girl in the white dress from the very beginning and will be right up until the end"

"promise???"

josh took a bag out of his pocket and took what was inside out. it was the charm bracelet. he put it on her wrist.

"promise"

Chapter 10

jen and josh sat on the couch in their jens house talking about how fun but also how sad the closing party for mockingjay part 2 was. when jen and josh are both silent josh starts to talk.

"i dont know what im gonna do without these movies" jen said. her eyes were watering.

"ya same here......im gonna miss everyone so much. liams so great and sam....well hes just sam and-"

"josh.......the movies are over. as in im not gonna get to have you in my life everyday. we both have so many movies were doing. how are we gonna make time to see each other???"

"we can visit each other on set all the time. we can do long distance alight???? its okay jen well be okay"

"you dont understand.....how can i not have you in my life everyday??? josh i dont even know who i *am* without you!!!" jen started to cry.

josh wrapped his arms around her. he looked at jen in his arms and took a big breath. he turned her so that jen was facing towards him.

"i know ive already given the big version of this speech so right now im gonna keep it small. i love you. one more time just because it feels really nice to say. i love you. i feel like ive been bottling this up forever because ever time i say it it feels like the first time. i love you."

jen blushed. "josh you dont have to........"

"look you were right in prague. me and you. were perfect for each other and i want to spend the rest of my life with you. run away with me jennifer. well go anywhere you want i promise. just meet me at the train station at 7:45 tomorrow night"

jen started to say something but josh stopped her first.

"dont give me an answer now. i dont want an answer now i want you to think about it long and hard. and i dont want to have to convince you to go jen. i just want you to be there. and if your not there thats fine. i understand......"

"ok"

josh put a piece of jens hair behind her ear.

"im.....im gonna kiss you now if thats alright" he said.

jen nodded as josh titled her chin back and pressed his lips to hers.

-XX-

"you came"

"of course i came. josh your my home now. im at home when im with you. wherever you are is where i want to be"

"well then lets go be, shall we?"

prague...dedicated to becky

PRAGUE

Chapter 1

"we could run..........you and me. we could go now and never look back"

"are you serious???"

"i have money saved up josh. i could get us new identities. create a escape route. for now just keep up appearances.........,go to berlin like were gonna shoot. well leave to go to prague from there"

"what are you saying jen?????"

"im saying i wanna be a real person again........with you. thats what you want right???? i mean this is it josh. will you run away with me????"

-XX-

"aaaaaand action!!!!" yelled francis lawrence.

any other time this would have been joshs idea of heaven. working with his friend all day. but now.... it was just really awkward and he couldnt wait until the wrap.

josh started to mumble his lines but was cut off by jen.

"im really sorry francis but........i cant do this right now......." she said and then walked off to her trailer.

it had been like this ever sense....ever sense prague.......

-XX-

josh walked up to the train platform trying to find jen. suddenly he saw her standing with a suitcase and wearing a red jacket with cute black heels on. she spotted him and immediately smiled at him. he walked over to her.

"hey!!!!! i was starting to think you werent coming!!!" she said.

josh looked down at his shoes. jen didnt notice or care. jen pulled a folder out of her purse.

"k so here are our new identities. for now on your name is thomas campbell and mine is elle sinclair. we can talk about there back stories or whatever on the train ride to prague" she said.

"jen........." josh said.

"oh dont worry about the ride......... its only a hour long and if your bored you have me to talk to" she said.

"jen i.......i dont think we should do this........."

jen looked kinda confused.

"what do you mean?????"

"i mean we..... we made a promise that we would make these movies. we have a responsibility to the fans and everyone in the movie to finish it.... this is our life jen. this fairytale about running away is nice but this is where we belong. in hollywood. living our real lives....."

"josh its not that simple....... you dont understand but everything here is fake.....but this" she said and grabbed josh's hand. ".....this is simple. this is our real life. we have to go josh...... are you coming????? please come with me josh....."

josh paused and let go of jen's hand.

"i cant......im sorry........"

-XX-

josh walked up to jen's trailer and knocked.

"jen its me.....please let me in........"

"josh no. i dont want to talk to you now"

josh could tell she was crying.

"jen......."

"go away!!!!!"

josh leaned against the door and felt a single tear on his cheek.

"ok" he whispered.

Chapter 2

things were awkward on set. jen was avoiding josh and it was making him feel awful and lonely. he was always talking and laughing with her and now that he wasnt he felt empty and hurt. he hated being alone because then your forced into listening to your own thoughts instead of someone elses voice. god he couldnt wait for this to end.

but.......but what if this awkwardness never ended?? what if jen never forgave him???

he stared at the script in his hands. he was trying to memorize his lines because he had to and to distract himself from the situation with jen. it wasnt really working. he looked out the window of his trailer and saw jen in her own trailer looking straight at him. but when she saw that he saw her she looked away.

josh threw the papers on the ground frustratedly. he needed to talk to jen. even if she didnt want to talk to him. fuck, hed tie her up and force her to listen if thats what it took.

he walked out the door and to jen's trailer. he knocked and waited for her to answer nervous that she wouldnt. but she did. thank GOD thought josh.

"hey" jen said not looking at him. she was wearing a pretty white dress that would probably blow in the wind if it was windy. it reminded josh of the first time he saw jen.

-XX-

he put some cologne on his wrists and pulled on the jacket he was wearing. then he looked in the mirror and fixed his hair. he felt like a girl but he wanted to look perfect before meeting his co-star jennifer lawrence. they talked on the phone a few days ago and he has instantly fell in love with her. she was so funny and comfortable with who she was. and josh knew she was gorgeous. he saw her at the oscars when she was nominated for winters bone. she was irresistible to josh even though he didnt meet her in person yet. but that was going to change in a few minutes if josh didnt die from his heart beating so fast that it fell out of his chest.

he looked at his watch and took a deep breath. if he didnt leave now he was gonna be late.

he left his house and got into his car and drove to jen's house. when he got there he couldnt help but laugh at the garden nomes in the yard of her house. they were cute just like her.

josh wiped his sweaty hands in his pants and rang the door bell. jen answered.

joshs mouth went dry when he saw her. even though she was wearing a super simple white dress she was still breathtaking stunning. her eyes were the bluest blue josh had ever seen. her lips were full. her cheeks were pink like she ran to the door or something, and she had a cute button nose. jen smiles and you could see her dimples.

"well what are you waiting for silly!!!!! come in the damn house its frickin cold outside hahah" she said.

josh did as was told and went Ito her house. suddenly he stopped and just looked at her. he didnt think it was possible to be more attracted to this girl but that was before he saw her in person. it was love at first sight for him.

oh god josh thought im inlove with a girl and i dont even know her full name.....

"uh.....jen???"

"thats mizz lawrence to you" she joked.

he laughed. "k so this is kinda super weird but i was wondering........ can you tell me your middle name????"

she looked at him silently for a few seconds before saying something. "shrader. my middle name is shrader" she said.

"jennifer shrader lawrence" josh said. and it was the most beautiul name hed ever heard.

-XX-

"hey......can i come in????" josh asked. jen nodded her head "yes" so josh went in.

"look josh about the other day........"

"its ok jen. really its fine like dont worry about it" josh said.

"i just really miss you so much. what happened in prague......im so sorry jennifer for hurting you. i didnt mean to hurt you. and i want us to go back to the way things were. please????? i dont wanna loose you.......... i love you"

"josh.........."

josh cut her off as he leaned forward and kissed her. to his disappointment though, she pulled away after a few seconds.

"josh..........we need to break up."

Chapter 3

"josh..........we need to break up."

out of all the things josh thought jen would say that did not even make the list. he expected that theyd need to talk some things out but.........

"....i....jen what?"

"josh its.....please dont look at me like that....i just think that were not the same people we were when we first fell in love.....i dont want to ruin our friendship"

she was right about one thing. they werent the same people they were when they first fell in love. the old jen would never do something like this to him.

-XX-

"oh you can do better than that!!!" jen yelled at josh as she flew through the air. josh laughed and pushed her back harder. his arms were getting kinda sore. who knew that pushing someone on a swing could be so much work??

"jen my arms are tired." he complained. "im gonna take a break"

"your WEAK JOSH HUTCHERSON. YOUR FUCKING WEAK!!!"

"well not all of us can be nicholas fucking hoult jen. maybe you should call him so that he can come push you" he said. but right after he said it he wished he didnt. it wasnt fair to jen. she didnt know how much it hurt him to see her with nick. and even if she did he didnt have a right to be mad. it wasnt her fault that she loved nick and not him.

"look jen im sorry" he shouted up to her. she ignored him.

he stepped back away from the swing and sat down. he watched her for a little while until suddenly jen let go of the swing and literally went flying through the air. he knew she did it on purpose because she was laughing like an idiot the whole way until she hit the mulch. but even then she was still laughing. josh ran over to her to make sure she was okay. her knees were scraped and her hair was messed up and had pieces of mulch stuck in it.

"i wanted to come sit with you but i didnt want to do the whole slowing down thing normal people do when there done swinging" she told him.

josh rolled his eyes and laughed.

"god dammit jen!!! you know i love you but you can be such an airhead sometimes!!!" he laughed. jen didnt. she stared up at him and met his eyes.

"you love me????"

josh started to panic. did he say that out loud???

"josh....do you???? love me????"

he couldnt tell if she was kidding or not. he could easily get himself out of this one. of course he loved jen. she was his best friend!!! but for some reason he didnt want to get out of anything. he wanted to tell her. there. in the hawaiian park under spring clouds.

"i.......jennifer how could i not??? ive loved you ever sense that very first phone call. sense i very first saw you. ive loved you every time weve laughed and every time weve fought. i loved you when you had a boyfriend and i loved you when i had a girlfriend. ive loved you during my proudest moments and my weakest moments. ive loved you during nothings and somethings and everything in between. so yes jennifer i love you. ive been hopelessly inlove with the girl in the white dress from the very beginning and will be right up until the end."

jen didnt say anything for a while. instead she just took his hands in hers and leaned into him so that there faces were pretty much touching. josh fought the desire to just lean forward and take those perfect lips into his own.

finally she said something. "so you DO remember what color dress i was wearing when we met!!!"

josh smiled. of course thats what she got from that.

"ya i guess i do"

"josh??"

"ya????"

"we broke up. me and nick"

josh tried not to look excited. not that he really was. he was just worried about jen.

"why would he break up with you??? your the most perfect girl in the world and if he doesnt see that then he doesnt deserve you!!!!"

"i broke up with him josh...."

"what???? why???"

"because i love you too"

and then like belle and her beast there lips met taking away the beast and leaving only a prince.

-XX-

"jen thats bullshit and you know it....." josh said to her. "you know i hate being lied to......why dont you just tell me the real reason???"

jen sighed not looking him in the eye.

"josh after prague i.....was hurt. you hurt me when you said no. it made me feel like you didnt love me and i......called someone who i knew still loved me....."

"huh??? who???"

"josh.....i called nick"

Chapter 4

"josh.....i called nick. okay?!? i called nick and one thing led to another and we decided to give our relationship another chance. im sorry josh. i didnt mean to hurt you......."

josh felt his eyes start to sting with salty tears. how could she do this to him???

"did you screw him???"

"what??"

"i said....did you screw him"

"josh......."

"answer me"

".....yes. but josh you need to understand that you hurt me....."

he didnt hear anything that she said after that. her lips were moving but there was no sound. he stared straight through her.

"josh........josh please say something......."

"you.....jen you *cheated* on me??" josh asked.

"it....we were on a break and i was hurting josh you need to know that please know that"

josh fell out of his daze after hearing that.

"god jennifer you are so full of shit"

"uh excuse me?????"

"and to think i actually felt bad about prague.... i called you 273 times after that jennifer. you didnt answer 273 times. and it turns out that was because you were too busy sleeping with someone else????"

"thats not fair-"

"actually i think it's perfectly fucking fair jennifer. god i worked my ASS off for this relationship. i felt guilty for those whole three months we didnt talk. i missed you. i just wanted to make things better and i was stupid enough to think that you wanted that too!! god im such a idiot!!!"

jen was mad.

"how dare you say that stuff to me??? do you think it was easy for me to not talk to you for three months??!?!" she yelled.

"well after what you just told me ya i do!!" he shouted.

"i thought we were taking a break!!!"

"you know what??? fuck our friendship. you fucking disgust me and i dont want anything to do with you. not anymore"

jen didnt say anything.

josh stormed out of the trailer taking jens silence as his time to leave.

-XX-

"jennifer.....im so sorry. i was scared. scared to leave behind the life ive worked for my whole life. im a coward and im sorry. i shouldnt have left you in prague. i love you"

"i know that your mad and hurt and i know that i made you feel like that and im sorry im so fucking sorry. i love you jennifer"

"its been a week now......jen your scaring me. im worried about you.....please call me so i know that your ok??"

"jen im going crazy here.....its been a month sense i last kissed you......touched you......or fucking saw you...... i know your ignoring me but..... stop ok?? i miss you"

"jen......the decision that i made in prague. i know what it looks like. i know that it looks like i chose being an actor over.......over being with you. but thats not what happened. how i feel about you is real. very very real. and i know that you know how ive felt about you for a long time..... i told you.....we told each other and......and.........look jen i know that i probably hurt you. your probably hurt that i didnt run away with you in prague........but jen......i love you. i love you and i cant live without you. so.......please call me back"

the smell of pool water and listening to his voicemails was making jen feel dizzy. she held the phone to her ear and tried not to cry. but what she and josh had.......it was over now. she was never going to let herself get hurt like that again. she was stupid to think that josh would ever run away with her. her fairytale of running away from the fame and getting married and having kids and just living.......it was never gonna happen. and part of her knew she knew it wouldnt happen before this but that didnt make it hurt less.

she took the phone away from her head and looked at it one more time before she threw it into the pool.

"hey babe who was that???" nick asked.

"no one" she said. she leaned down and kissed nick on the ear. "absolutely no one"

Chapter 5

josh was so mad at jen he didnt even know what to do. the only thing he knew was that he had to get out of here before he exploded. so he went to the only place he could think of.

"oh hi josh" jena malone said when she saw it was josh who knocked on her trailer door.

"hi jena" josh said. jena opened the door a little bit more. he didnt move.

"well what are you waiting for silly!!!!"

josh felt like he was gonna throw up when she said that. even though jena didnt know that that was what jen had said to him when they first met didnt mean it didnt bother him a lot.

"i.....actually was wondering if i could maybe......take you out tonight??"

she smiled when he said that.

"ya id love to!! just let me get my purse and we can go k??"

"ya sounds good"

-XX-

"josh??? what are you doing here??? its midnight!!!" jen said after she opened her hotel door to see josh standing there with daisies.

"tonights our last night in hawaii" he said.

"ya so we should be sleeping because getting back to LA is gonna take forever"

"no.....we should be walking to the picnic i set up on the beach for us so that we can sleep on the plane" josh said. he took a purple daisy and put it in jen's hair. after that he gave her them.

jen smiled. "alright lead me to it"

they walked down to the beach holding hands. josh loved holding her hand. it made him feel so connected to her.

"oh my god josh this is awesome!!!!!" jen said when she saw joshs picnic.

they sat down and started to eat. jen looked up at the night sky. the moon was full and reflecting on the ocean.

"this is the most beautiful thing ive ever seen" she said. she was looking at the full moon.

"sure is" josh said. he was looking at jen.

-XX-

"so where are we gonna go????" asked jena. they were in joshs car.

"lou's" he said.

"whats that????"

"a club"

"oh fun"

on the drive there joshs phone started buzzing and didnt stop.

"sheesh!!! someone must really wanna talk to you!!!" jena joked.

"huh....weird" josh said.

when they got to the club josh checked his phone"

37 missed calls from Jennifer Lawrence and 37 new voicemails. his phone started buzzing again.

josh glared at his phone before turning it off. screw her josh thought.

josh went inside the club and saw that jena had already ordered them some drinks.

"just a few shots" she said. josh smiled. this was just what he needed to get his mind off jennifer shrader lawrence.

it got later and josh and jena got more drunk. they decided to go dance on the dance floor.

josh watched jena dance and realized how pretty she was. he never thought about jena like that before because he was too busy thinking about jen like that. he got close to her and started to dance with her.

"you are so gorgeous" he said. she laughed.

"your not do bad yourself handsome" she said.

josh leaned in and kiss jena. he pulled her waist closer to him and she put her hands around his neck.

"do you wanna come home with me???" josh asked.

"yeah but were gonna have to wait because were both to drunk to drive" she said. "lets see i called her like 20 minutes ago to come get us so.... oh there she is!!!!"

josh turned around to see who jena was talking about.

standing there was jen with tears on her cheeks. she looked at him and ran to the clubs bathroom.

"whats her deal....." jena laughed.

josh didnt care about jen anymore. he couldnt care about her. and besides what right does she have being hurt when she was the one who cheated on him?!?

josh smiled at jena and kissed her again.

with each second he kissed jena he could feel himself thinking less about jen.

this was just what he needed.