#jean's route spoilers

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Day 274—technically, yes it's after midnight, no I haven't gone to bed yet, it's still yesterday shut up about it—and this time I've got a super duper messy thumbnail sketch for an idea I had playing while Jean D'Arc's route in IkemenVampire. It will have accompanying fanfic eventually—or will accompany fanfic. One of them.

Anyway Jean's route hurt me in my soul and now I can never play any other route ever again because none of them will live up to Jean. This man needs a hug, a nap, a whole lot of therapy, and as many marorons as he can handle... so naturally that means I need to dial the angst up to 11 and eat it for breakfast :D

[accirax]

I think I remember you making a theory about who would die and when in Eden’s Garden. Now that the title of chapter 1 has been revealed, (and the title usually at least loosely relates to the themes/victim/culprit of the chapter), have your options on who might bite the dust this chapter changed?

Project: Eden's Garden Chapter 1 Killer/Victim Theory

Ooh, an Eden's Garden ask! It's been a while since I've gotten to talk about this game, so, thanks :D

Funnily enough, the inciting incident of this ask isn't actually real. I haven't made a full death prediction for P:EG, mostly because of how little information we have as to the characters' full personalities and, perhaps more importantly, their bonds with each other. Your memory might be a combination of my mastermind ranking (and its update), that one time I rambled about different fangan writing styles (including the logic behind a first victim), and some off-the-wall speculation about what a ch2 victim Eva might look like in another meta discussion post mostly focused on DRDT. I made some offhand comments about potential victims and killers (especially in the early game) in all of those posts, so given my history of discussing DRDT's death order, I can see how that post might have formulated in your mind. Alas, it does not actually exist.

Still, with the first chapter of P:EG coming out soon (ish), I'd be delighted to spare some speculations as to who might be on the chopping block for the first chapter, least! My usual apologies for this taking so long, but this time, I also wanted to replay the prologue since I was kind of hazy on what actually happened in it. However, this extensive writing period has given me additional time to think of what I want to say, and hopefully come up with a convincing theory as to what may happen.

(Spoilers for Trigger Happy Havoc, SDR2, and V3, as well as some very minor spoilers for SDRA2 Chapter 2. You only need to worry about them if you wanted to go into SDRA2 completely blind.)

The Title

The first step here is obviously to take a deep dive into what the title could actually mean or imply. I keep wanting to think that the title refers to death, but that phrase is "beyond the veil," not "beneath the veil." "Beneath the veil," as far as I can tell, isn't a commonly recurring phrase. Plus, it's not like saying that there's going to be a death in this chapter is anything mind blowing, nor does it help us narrow down who would die.

So, let's take a step back. "Beneath the veil" implies that somebody is hiding something, because there's a piece of fabric concealing their face, and therefore their true intentions. However, it's not necessarily a super successful concealment, because (according to a quick google search) most veils are transparent. The character(s) this title refers to may only be partially concealing their hypocrisy from the group, as opposed to being fully undercover. Notably, veils are often (in Western culture, at least) associated with weddings. The choice of the word "veil" could implicate our local Matchmaker as the beholder of the hypocrisy.

Speaking of hypocrisy, I think that's the key word in this title that can help us pin down the central characters and themes of this chapter. As defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, hypocrisy is "a feigning to be what one is not or believe what one does not, especially the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion." In simpler terms, it's lying about or double-crossing something that you believe in to make it look like you have the moral high ground.

Therefore, in order for a character to fit the themes of this chapter, they have to have something they're actually hypocritical about. Take Ulysses, for example. In what way is he pretending to be better than the others around him? What core beliefs has the game shown us that he has that could be weaponized against others? I don't yet see anything compelling, and therefore, he might not be super important to this chapter.

Combining the title with the way the prologue ended, I definitely think that this first chapter is going to be about Damon's point of view being proven correct. Meanwhile, the rest of the students will secretly struggle with morality and their desire to kill while pretending that everything's cool. You know, like how most killing games start! (Other than the protag being such a downer.) It'll be interesting to presumably witness this typical group dynamic from the perspective of an outsider. Being someone who's used to tearing others' arguments apart, I wonder if Damon could be better than the average person at finding the hidden meanings and opinions behind others' words. I just think it'd be super funny if he were listening in on a breakfast conversation and it was just like--

Ingrid: Keep your chins up, everybody! If we can keep our heads on straight and trust in one another, I'm sure we'll start figurin' out how to get out of here! Damon: ("We'll start," implying that no progress has been made thus far. Combined with that if clause, Ingrid's frustrations that no one is thinking clearly and she's found no one to trust become obvious.) Eloise: Right...! It's like my dad always said: "in union, there is strength." I'm sure he'd be happy to hear that all of us are on the same page. I wish I could tell him... Damon: (Sounds like someone has been obsessing over the thought of going home.) Wolfgang: There's no need to worry, Eloise. I won't let any of the despicable killers in this academy keep us from our families. You can count on me. Damon: (Jesus Christ.)

Anyways, victims and culprits! I'll be discussing the top 5 most likely students that I can see filling each role.

The Killers

As much as I'd like to talk about the culprits second for the sake of drama, it'll be a lot easier for me to talk about potential blackeneds first. I think I've said this somewhere on this blog before, but who a victim is really depends on who the killer is. After all, the victim was only targeted because of the killer's rationale. A victim can be random, but a killer is pretty much never random. So, who could be filling our first blackened spot?

#5: Diana

Despite her placement as #5-- AKA, above 11 other students that I won't be talking about in a role as the killer at all-- I actually don't really like putting Diana here. To me, her fears and hopes for the future read as genuine. And, while a character who starts off fully sipping the hope Kool Aid can obviously come to murder in the end, for Diana, I don't think it would happen so fast. If she isn't secretly evil, I think it would take at least one murder to make her crack under pressure.

However, I can't argue that Diana has a compelling argument for the title of hypocrite. Simply put, she's the character in the prologue who seems most invested in everyone working together and being friends, without any personal power-seeking agendas. Therefore, if the veil in question is that of promoting friendship, Diana would be the most extreme example to use to prove the point that friendship in Eden's Garden Academy (at this point in time) is a fruitless endeavor.

#4: Wenona

After discussing my reasons for suspecting Diana, Wenona might come as a surprise. Does she really fit the theme? Out of all of the characters who could be hiding behind a guise of teamwork and being a good person, is she really the best fit?

Well, while I think it's likely that the main crux of the hypocrisy this chapter will be about remaining unified and trusting one another, that theme can always be interpreted in multiple ways at once. We could have characters who are hypocritically pretending to be nice while harboring ill intentions, and characters who are hypocritically pretending to be meaner than they are looking down on the nice folks while secretly being soft inside.

That's more of what I'm getting at with Wenona. If she were the blackened, I think the hypocrisy would be "pretending to be strong and better than other people while actually being just as weak as the rest of them." As the Ultimate Entrepreneur, Wenona seems to take a lot of pride in herself and her skills. She has the same sort of snobbish demeanor that Damon has when it comes to assessing the less academic of the talents recruited to Eden's Garden Academy.

Wenona is a cutthroat genius when it comes to social politics and financial practices. Even if this killing game wasn't in her initial plans, she'll obviously be able to crush it. She isn't trapped in here with Tozu; Tozu is trapped in here with her. That's what she wants everyone to think.

But, if she does become the blackened... how much of that attitude is really real? I'm imagining a scenario in which Wenona's reason for killing is less "fuck this shit I'm out" and more genuine fear for losing her life at the hands of the killing game and/or never returning to her regular life. When asked why she killed the victim, she tries to fake ruthlessness, but in the face of her execution, the clear truth is that she was just afraid of dying. Thus, Wenona would spend the majority of the daily life hypocritically sneering at the "weaker" students like Toshiko or Diana for not being tough enough to cut it in the killing game, before ultimately proving herself as the weakest link in the end.

#3: Eva

From the Prologue alone, we can already tell that Eva is a character who easily has strong enough opinions to potentially become a hypocrite. But, wait-- wouldn't her killing someone actually line up perfectly with the argument she made?

How is that hypocrisy?

Well, although Eva is certainly of the opinion that someone will kill, she acts as if she's above it herself. If it's been a while since you've seen the Prologue, that could be easy to forget. However, after she makes her initial statement that someone here will kill because they have too much to lose, she starts talking about how pretending that everything is fine will only make people more vulnerable to being killed. She directly accuses Wolfgang of doing this purposefully in order to better his own chances of succeeding as a blackened.

Most of her statements use the pronoun "you," which, whether referring to anyone in the group or Wolfgang specifically, does not include Eva herself. You, Wolfgang, are making a mistake that will lead others towards their deaths, murders that will happen by your guys' hands. Me, though...? (I'm tight as fuck!!!)

After criticizing Wolfgang so harshly, Eva would be the biggest hypocrite if she was actually the one to be the first killer. Even though Eva was doing the other students a favor by telling them the harsh truth, she did so in a way that put herself above them. She's let everyone know that she's smarter than them for immediately seeing straight through the killing game, and for not falling for Wolfgang's obvious manipulation tactics. If the rest of the students then learned that Eva played directly into the killing game's hands by becoming its first killer, I think they'd have every right to call her a hypocrite.

As for Eva and Damon, I think that making Eva the first killer could be really interesting for Damon's character. That's because, whether he'd admit to it or not, I think that Damon does align with Eva more than anyone else at this point. They were working together to promote the idea that pretending that nothing is wrong is dumb at best and harmful at worst. Damon doesn't seem like the type of protagonist who would be super vehemently against the idea of killing another student himself.

Thus, if Eva did become a killer, it would give him a startling window into what he would look like if he had decided to forsake this academy and kill. Every assertion he's internally made suddenly sounds flaky and desperate when coming out of the mouth of someone on death row. And, now that he's been betrayed by Eva too, why do some of the counterarguments the other students are making against Eva's claims sound more and more legitimate...? I think Eva's death as a killer could be the perfect wake-up call to Damon that his cold and calculating demeanor might not be as perfect of a plan as he acts like it is now.

However, much like Diana, I do think that Eva's reactions are genuine-- in this case, genuinely coming from a place of wanting to save the other students as opposed to wanting them all dead. Even if it would be compelling if Eva turned out to be some massive hypocrite, that doesn't mean that the setup for that being the case is actually there. We've seen so little of all of the characters so far that it's hard to provide textual evidence as to why I think this is the case, so unfortunately we'll just have to rely on my gut feeling. Every day I have to remind myself that it's okay to say "it's just my opinion" in the Just My Opinion essays. Sigh.

#2: Wolfgang

I feel like (as compared to something like DRDT) I have so little of a finger on the pulse of the P:EG community in terms of knowing what's popular opinion and what's not. Is Wolfgang's placement here a surprising take? Are people surprised to see that I have Wolfgang listed as a potential early killer as opposed to a final boss antag/survivor? Are people surprised that he's not #1???

Anyways. Hypocrisy. Wolfgang. It's so obvious that I feel like I don't even need to say it. I mean, I already did say it in this very post. Eva has already called Wolfgang out for hypocritically claiming to protect everyone while actually increasing the odds that someone could be taken advantage of. Wolfgang claims to be a defender of the people, but as soon as he hits the Trial Grounds, he seems to fixate on proving his viewpoint correct over all else. In the Chapter 1 demo (really mild spoilers for that, I guess), the literal last thing we leave off on is Damon calling out Wolfgang for being a hypocrite when it comes to investigating the school. Wolfgang Akire, Ultimate Laywer? Nah, I only know Wolfgang Akire, Ultimate Hypocrite.

Going back to my analysis of how early deaths work (here's the link again if you didn't read/refresh on it before but want to now), if P:EG is a project that wants to make their early deaths out of characters that are really visible, then Wolfgang is perhaps the best choice for that. The only other possible rivals he has in that regard are Damon or Eva.

Given how visible Wolfgang has been, it feels inevitable that this chapter will revolve around his hypocrisy somehow. The question is whether that would result in him dying or not. And, part of that question for me returns to what I mentioned at the beginning: how much does the fandom expect that it would result in him dying?

Make no mistake, this isn't an effort to people please by going along with what most people believe to be true. It's an effort to deduce which option would read as a more surprising and satisfying answer to a mystery posed in this mystery series. If the fandom is really caught up on the idea that "Wolfgang is P:EG's Byakuya/Nagito/Kokichi antag character, and that character MUST make it to the end after opposing the protagonist all the way through!!!", then it would work as a successful subversion to have that character die early, and leave the audience questioning who will come to fill the void in the story that Wolfgang left behind. However, if the audience has already broken free of those expectations and see Wolfgang as someone whose biases and neuroses could easily lead to him snapping early, then actually making him the first killer could turn out kinda boring.

I think I'm of the latter opinion at this point, although I could obviously just be biased in thinking that others share my opinions because my opinions are the main ones I've heard. Even if Wolfgang is a really obvious fandom's favorite edgy antag archetype, I can't deny that there's a lot of really good thematic setup in the Debater vs Lawyer department that I feel like the writers will want to reap the payoff from. It would be a shame to let whatever twisted worldview Wolfgang is cooking on "go to waste" by having him exit the story so early. But, I'm also always a fan of riffing wildly and unexpectedly off of the preconceptions of a killing game that Danganronpa fans have built up in their minds, so I would neither be too surprised nor mind at all if the writers did wind up letting Wolfgang flame out early, as long as they have a plan for what happens next prepared.

#1: Jean

Despite what I was just complaining about in Wolfgang's section, I'm almost certain that this will come as a surprise to people. Does that make me a hypocrite, too? Yay, how thematic!

Jean does not seem like the typical first killer. He's way too silly and entrenched in his theming. He's an oddball character! Accirax, weren't you literally the one who said that oddball characters don't die in Chapter 1?!

Oddballs tend not to die in Chapters 1 or 2. This is because oddball characters are generally created to supply a very niche kind of comedic relief[...] Any character deemed worthy of being included in a fangan occupies one of 16 highly contested slots. So, if you include a character for the purpose of making jokes with them, you'll want to get your bang for your buck! It’s hard to fit every joke you have in mind into only a chapter or two. The best example I could come up with for a (canon) oddball who dies early is Teruteru. In his case, the writers likely anticipated that his hyper-flirtatious nature would get tiring if it continued on for too long, and thus, exhausted all of the jokes they wanted to make in Chapter 1 before his exit. An oddball who dies this early has a limited shelf life, and is likely accompanied by other oddballs who can pick up the comedic slack.

Why, I sure did! Thank you for remembering that one niche argument in a really long post about a completely different series, imaginary person. However, that logic is why I initially wasn't suspicious of Jean either. With a bit of investigation, however, I've landed on him as my most likely choice.

Let's start with the hypocrisy. Although not necessarily the loudest voice on the subject, Jean, too, is someone who has strongly advocated for unity and friendship in the face of the killing game. It was easy for me at least to forget, but he has a bit of a leadership position in the Prologue, a bit behind Wolfgang. Even Damon can surprisingly attest to the command he can wield when he needs to.

It makes sense that, as a Ship Captain, he's all about getting people to work together under his leadership to accomplish amazing feats. Therefore, while not as obvious about it as Diana or Wolfgang, Jean would also be someone who could only commit a murder hypocritically.

Like, you can't just say this and then selfishly try to win the Class Trial to protect your own life. Well, not without speaking from beneath the veil of hypocrisy, anyways.

However, as I just admitted three sentences ago, the argument for Jean fitting the hypocrisy theme is weaker than someone like Diana or Wolfgang. So, what chose me to pick him over those two, or someone else at a similar level? Well, for that, we'll have to go over my...

Project: Eden's Garden Chapter 1 Murder Theory

HA HA! You thought we were merely conducting narrative analysis, but we're taking a look at evidence as well! It is a bold choice to try to predict who the blackened will be based on the murder committed when said murder hasn't even been committed yet, I'm aware. However, it's the choice of location that made me lean towards Jean. And, while it's no guarantee...

... I find it really likely that this will be the site of the murder. It screams murder location to me. Why the hell is there all this water on the floor if it won't be relevant in some way somewhere down the line? It's also locked in as the first area that you investigate closely. This doesn't have to mean that a murder will happen here, obviously-- none of Makoto's classroom, Hajime's beach, or Kaede's classroom become murder locations-- but it still does mean that this location will leave a lasting impact on your mind. The first time you ever get to wield the controls in this fangame is to investigate this room. And investigate it, we did.

I feel like locations that become murder relevant are often investigated in a much more specific way than ones that aren't, especially in cases where aspects of the room are critical to solving the mystery. This often includes them having CGs and/or cutscenes to illustrate the location's functions at work, and potentially be art used for a truth bullet in the future. Off the top of my head, I can remember a couple of times this happened in v3.

To use a fangan example, it also happened at least once in SDRA2.

(translation by Johnny Youngster)

The P:EG basement area was investigated to hell and back during Eva and Damon's first introductions. Like, can't you imagine this being truth bullet art?

Anyways, down in this basement that no innocent student has any good reason to visit, there's a conspicuous vent we've investigated in detail that looks over the Dining Hall, which several students are inclined to visit at various points in the day.

It has gaps in it that are wide enough to see through, and perhaps wide enough to use a weapon through. Even beyond something like a poisoned spear or the like, if you could shoot a gun through these slits, it could be enough to take someone out. Damon has very conveniently already removed one of the grates in the way, which will make it easier for the killer to do their malicious deed, and perhaps even make it easier for them to figure out that they could remove the other vent as well.

Now, it is true that Damon and Eva had to work together in order to reach this vent, which could make it difficult for the killer to utilize. However, it's obviously not impossible. If the killer were tall-- say, six feet tall, an entire half foot taller than Eva-- then it's possible they could access it on their own anyways, especially if they possessed any sort of climbing ability. The killer could also have an accomplice with which to create the same sort of setup Damon and Eva made (although, to Jean's credit, if this were the case, he'd probably be the one on the bottom -> not the one holding the weapon -> not the actual blackened). Or, they could use the cardboard boxes and duct tape that have conveniently already been identified in this room to make some stairs.

Although, that raises a problem, doesn't it? The entire floor of this room is covered in water.

A cardboard box would likely have structural issues if you put it in the water and then tried to stand on it. Maybe it could work if you put several cardboard boxes inside of each other...? Or if you just quickly used them as steps to hop up before fully leaning your weight on the generator. Regardless, we have other problems. Even if Eva has proven that the water won't electrocute you if you step in it, it's still an issue. If you step in the water with your shoes on and then try to quickly flee the scene, you'd leave wet footprints and damning damp ankle evidence behind. You could take your shoes off and roll up your pants like Damon does, but that could cost you precious time.

If only there were someone out there who was already wearing waterproof shoes...

... and maybe even a cloth or sash of some sort to wipe them off with before leaving the room.

Even Jean's character conception makes sense to me from this perspective. For your first chapter, you need a character who can be a kind and friendly leader type whose betrayal will rattle the more friendship-inclined of the group, and you need them to wear waterproof shoes. Leader plus waterproof shoes... well, that could be a ship's captain, couldn't it?

In this case, Jean's oddball nature is actually a boon to him in pretty much all manners. Despite relying so much on the gimmick of "I'm not a pirate!", Jean does seem to have a serious side to him. That duality gives him some clearly articulated character depth, even if it may not be explored much in the main plot. The striking nautical gimmick makes it harder for him to fade into the newly introduced crowd. He's quickly recognizable at a glance, making it easier for the casual viewer to remember him in the long gulf between chapters.

Speaking of being memorable, Jean is placed right in front of the tree when the characters in the Tree of Knowledge room are introduced.

He also stands there before the 0th Class Trial.

(Using this screenshot even though it's blurry just to show that these are different points in time.)

It's not as memorable of a spot as Eva, Grace, Wolfgang, or Toshiko (who go around and introduce themselves with Damon and thus get top billing), or even as Eloise and Desmond (who at least get their own room), but it's still notable. Between my own playthrough and others', I've seen people go around the circle with Ingrid first or Ulysses first, but everyone always talks to Jean right after they enter the room. The dark trunk is a great contrast against Jean's bright orange design, so he's really striking standing against the door. When I think of this room, I know exactly where Jean is, while the others are... somewhere back there. If I'm right, it's a subtle way to make sure that all players have at least some connection to Jean before he dies, and possibly even to make the first post-Trial gathering feel a little emptier with that super-highlighted spot empty.

I do want to touch on the narrative again, though, because that's more important than the murder plan that may or may not just be my own invention. I maintain that, right now, Diana or Wolfgang make more sense as someone who would illustrate the hypocrisy of pretending to be friends while actually murdering for their own purposes. However, depending on how Chapter 1 plays out, I think that Jean could be just as good as them, if not better. There's been some foreshadowing that Jean might take on a leaderly role in the group, but at the moment, it's been pretty focused on Wolfgang alone. However, if Jean starts to take on any sort of leadership position, even if it's mostly in the background or as the heart to Wolfgang's brains, I think he could work just as well as Wolfgang.

So, that's my prediction for now! The most likely blackened is Jean, with Wolfgang and Eva as backups, and Wenona and Diana as backups after them. But, in the case of any of them being the killer, who would they kill? Obviously, the answer may differ slightly depending on which of them (or someone else) it is, but I'll try to come up with a good aggregate answer.

The Victims

While my victim ideas will still be roughly ranked in order of likelihood, know that there's a lot less difference between #1 and #5 here than on the killers list. And, along that line of thinking, I'm a lot less confident in these predictions than in the killers', in the sense that I would be less surprised if the victim was none of the five characters discussed below than I would be for the killer. But, at any rate: the five most likely victims.

#5: Kai

I could definitely see some personal bias coming in to me placing Kai here. Not because I dislike Kai-- actually, he was quite possibly my favorite character coming out of the Prologue. I love a funny pathetic drama queen. I just remember, after first playing that Prologue, having the fear that Kai would turn out to be the first killer, thus eliminating my so-far favorite from the game. Obviously I've since removed him from my likely killers' catalogue, but I still can't shake the feeling that he could be an early death.

Kai is an easily recognizable and memorable character. You know who he is near-instantaneously-- take one look at him and you're already saying, "oh god, the influencer." He's really talkative, already having taken up a lot of screen time in his "arc" of being terrified by the body to being too lazy to participate in the Trial to eventually blabbering his way through it anyways. He also already has a defined dynamic with Damon. Even if I can't necessarily say that Damon would be sad to see Kai gone at this point (sorry Kaimon shippers), he'd have to have some sort of personal reaction to it. I could see him eventually recognizing something along the lines of, "it's weird to not have Kai around bothering me anymore."

It's no surprise that Kai is a popular character in the fandom, because he has all the traits to take on a role like that. However, that sort of characterization is a double edged sword. When considering the killing game as a whole, it's hard to come up with a first victim who will still be remembered and celebrated by the end of the entire saga (assuming that's what you're going for). However, despite not being a super critical character to the story*, I could see Kai continue to be featured in fanart and included in fanfiction due to his humor and pretty boy appeal long after his demise.

(*I'm not saying that Kai couldn't be a super relevant character if he survives Chapter 1, I'm just saying that, if he is the Chapter 1 victim, I don't think it would be in a Mukuro/Twogami/Rantaro Early Mystery kind of way.)

Kai is definitely one of those characters that I see in a crux position, where they're either going to be a super early game character or a super late game character. And, to be honest, despite what I've said here and what I believed after playing the Prologue, I actually now think Kai might have the legs to go long game. Although he could just be a bit of a cowardly funny guy who can't handle the circumstances and instantly drops dead (sort of like what was originally planned for Hiro in THH), Kai does seem to have a lot of... issues. While I originally thought those might just play out in his FTEs-- which is still theoretically possible-- I think the story might take more time to dive into them. There's also a clear arc before him of initially not rising to the killing game's challenge, but eventually being forced to take things seriously and give it his all.

There're also the comments that Grace made in Kai's introduction about him a dictator. From what we've seen of Kai so far, that label seems really hard to believe. If his character ever needs to rise to that dictator status, he'll probably need more time to do it.

I'm also applying some... meta knowledge here. I'm pretty sure I remember from watching some of the San Japan interviews that Kai is at least one of the writers' favorite characters, which is a bold take if he does die literally first. Also, I just learned from trying to look up what Kai and Damon's ship name is that apparently three of the staff artists ship Kaimon. Could that indicate that Kai and Damon might survive together...? I could definitely just be looking into things too much with both of these, but it's hard for me to not consider all the evidence at hand.

Anyways. Kai could really easily be taken out first, or he could have a major role to play yet. In either case, I'm sure this speculation will be fun to look back at in the future.

#4: Toshiko

Hey, maybe I can make that wedding veil thing have meaning after all.

Part of what I was considering when coming up with my list of potential victims is what sort of rationale the killer would have when choosing who to kill. Obviously, with the method I described in Jean's section, it's possible the criteria would be "whoever walks into the Dining Hall alone first," which is essentially random. However, that doesn't give me much to work with, so I tried to assume something more specific than that. However, I also didn't want to make it too specific-- like Peko targeting Mahiru in SDR2 Ch2 due to a prior conflict-- because that forces me to pin down my killer too hard, and might rely on information I simply don't have.

Instead, we're looking for a broad category, like "Sayaka wanted a manipulable man." Honestly, the "I want to kill but I don't have a specific image in mind of who" apparently doesn't happen too much in canon, but I think it's a really useful one to consider. Would the killer want to target an unpopular person so that anyone could have a motive to kill? Would the killer want to target the smartest person around so that they'll have fewer hurdles to deal with in the Class Trial? Would the killer take out the weakest and most vulnerable target because that's all they could manage, or even because they want people to believe that's all they could manage?

To go along with the hypocrisy theme, I think that the killer taking out an easy target for simplicity's sake is a very plausible option. Especially if the killer is a strong person like Jean, there's that added injustice of, "dude, you couldn't even pick on someone your own size?"

If that is the case, Toshiko is an obvious choice for someone who's small and easy to beat in a fight. (Kai follows these guidelines too, to an extent.) Other than her small size potentially making her harder to hit, I could imagine anyone being able to overpower her with relative ease. This part is more of a shot in the dark, as we haven't seen any daily life play out yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if Toshiko's notably younger age leaves her with few friends around the school. Thus, she might more often be found alone, making her easier to ambush and giving the killer more time before somebody realizes something is wrong.

Toshiko is also in the group of Eva, Grace, Wolfgang, and herself who got additional focus via conducting introductions with Damon in the Prologue. Including the first victim within that group would be a great way to give their character with the least screen time a bit more before they die off.

However, I also have my doubts that this will happen. It's just... such a bold move to kill the literal child as you're drawing first blood. Like, obviously I picked it for the hypocrisy-themed chapter because that kind of thing would make you look like a monster, but, would anybody really bite?

I also just kinda get the vibes that Toshiko is set up to be more than the first victim. While uniquely making her a child could be intentional, if the first killer is meant to look extra heartless, I don't understand where the Ultimate Matchmaker talent would have come from in that case. I guess she could matchmake or otherwise psychoanalyze people in the Chapter 1 daily life before she dies...? Maybe the killer could be worried about her figuring out how they're feeling and want to silence her. Actually, okay, that's convincing enough.

Picking Toshiko goes against my gut instincts of where Eden's Garden is headed, but I can't deny that there are sensible arguments behind Toshiko dying first as well. Or, maybe I'm just delusional. I'll leave that up to y'all's judgment at this point.

#3: Diana

Uh, kind of the same things that I just said about Toshiko, as well as my arguments for Diana being the killer. Diana also appears to be pretty weak, so it wouldn't be too hard for others to overpower and kill her. I also didn't forget that she too is a child, although she appears much more mature than Toshiko due to 1) being a high school senior as opposed to a high school freshman and 2) having an industry job rather than however Toshiko's business functions. You could still use the argument of "why would you kill someone who still has so much life left to live," although it might feel a little awkward when characters like Mark are only one year older than Diana and Toshiko is (presumably) still standing right there.

Really, though, the main reason why Diana ranks this high is because she's so darn nice. Even if people might see her as a little ditzy, I still feel that she'd have the most unilaterally "why did you choose to kill such a sweet person" response across the board. Depending on who the killer is, that choice could be hypocritical. If it's someone like Jean or Wolfgang who had been trying to convince everyone to work together and shaming those who didn't conform, eliminating someone who was happily following along with your plan could be considered hypocritical.

However, I still think that Diana is more primed to have a surprisingly deep run than a surprisingly short one. If Diana died first, then her character is "nice girl," and that's it. What about all of that weird mastermind coding?! My new theory is actually that Diana will be killed at some point because people think she's the mastermind, even though she's actually innocent. (That, or The_Humbugg is right and Diana has autism, and the mastermind coding is a galaxy brain method to ensure that viewers are wary of her for reasons that are entirely not her fault, much like how neurotypical people might instinctively find autistic people unsettling/shifty even when they aren't trying to be. I love The_Humbugg's video everyone should watch that.)

I was actually at first worried for her in Chapter 1 for that reason, until I remembered that (currently, at least) the students haven't been told that there's a mastermind among them. (Assuming there even canonically is, I might add.) Obviously, they could learn about that in Chapter 1, but at that point, just put it in the Prologue. Then the fandom could be sure in the long hiatus that speculating about a mastermind had a point, and potentially start thinking about how a killer could react to that information.

Still, Diana's extreme friendship stances make it easy for me to fit her into the hypocrisy theme in either the killer or victim position. But, if she can use her chameleon skills to fade into the background for just one chapter, I think she might have a long life ahead of her.

#2: Wolfgang

Anybody think this dude is just... flying too close to the sun?

Perhaps this placement is a remnant of the past: when my sister and I were first playing through the Prologue, we totally thought that Wolfgang gave off first victim energy. Except, funnily enough, we thought it was because he was kind of a bland, friendly character who clearly didn't have much going for him, if he was burning one of his voice lines on "Miss Madison!". We were fully taken aback when he popped off in the Prologue trial, and agreed that he wouldn't be a first victim for those reasons anymore. However, he could still die first for other reasons.

Other than Damon, it's hard to argue that any character gets more of a spotlight in the Prologue than Wolfgang. Hell, he might even beat Damon in that regard. It may just be the fandom's penchant for fawning over pale, skinny, antagonistic men, but Wolfgang certainly felt like the most after-the-fact-discussed character to me. However, it's possible that Wolfgang is being set up as a huge figure in the Prologue and Chapter 1 daily life because that's all the time he has to shine. It's possible the Prologue trial was conceptualized under the rationale that the Ultimate Lawyer should have to attend at least one Trial.

While Wolfgang isn't necessarily easy to overpower, it's easy to see how any killer would want to off him so that they don't have to face him in the Class Trial. Even if Damon did a considerable amount of heavy lifting, the majority of the Class sees it as Wolfgang's skills that got them through the Class Trial. He certainly displayed how ruthless he was willing to become against those who spat in the face of what he called justice. If I were becoming the blackened, I'd be worried about facing off against him in the Class Trial. One easy way to prevent that from happening is to cancel his attendance.

Also, while I said I didn't want to get too into the details of any killers in particular, should Jean be the blackened, things could get extra spicy. If I'm right that Jean and Wolfgang could come to lead the group together, then killing your co-leader because you're afraid he could properly bring you to justice is just extra salt in the wound.

But, now it's time for the counterarguments, naturally. Everything I said about the lost potential of having Wolfgang cap out at first killer is probably even more true if he's the first victim. The whole "lawyer versus bargain bin" thing would only actually be applicable to one Trial, even if the memory of Wolfgang's Trial prowess would probably hang over Damon's head for a while. More decisively, if the game is going for an ethos/logos/pathos thing, I have a hard time seeing who would fill the ethos shoes quite as well as Wolfgang did. I guess Damon could eventually step into that role, coming to embody all three...? However, it might be a little early to set that arc in motion.

Again, maybe it's just an inability to shake my initial assumptions, but I still have the vibe ingrained in my mind that Wolfgang will be a shockingly early death. Well, shocking to some people. Not me or Venus, though. But, I won't be shocked if he lives, either. Wolfgang will be a narratively important character, we just need to see how exactly he'll go about it.

#1: Eva

Wow, Eva gets to be the third character included who introduced themselves alongside Damon and the third repeat character from the killer's list! Unfortunately, it seems like I'm not predicting that she's going to make it even as far as the third death in this killing game. Tell me that statement's a lie...!

I think I'll actually start out with some of the counterarguments this time, because they relate to things I've said about other characters. Like Diana, I did initially call Eva to mind because I thought people would think she's suspicious, and perhaps kill her under the assumption that she's the mastermind. However, that's once again probably not going to be the case, because the students don't currently know whether there's a mastermind among them or not. Also, going back to the ethos/logos/pathos thing, I think there's a pretty decent chance that Wolfgang will be ethos, Damon will be pathos, and Eva will serve as logos. There are... probably better options for a replacement logos (including Damon just double wielding with truth and pathos bullets) than a replacement ethos, but Eva is probably still be the best fit. Given that no one trusts her (ethos) and everyone thinks an emotional argument would be a lie (pathos), all she has to convince people is the cold hard facts (logos).

Also, you can't ignore that Damon, Wolfgang, and Eva could just be a really obvious protag/antag/support trio that will all make it to Chapter 5 or whatever. I'm hoping for something a little less vanilla than that, but, hey, that's just me. It's their game and they can do whatever they want.

However... The_Humbugg comes in clutch once again! I won't fully reiterate all of their points, but basically, they bring up a lot of solid arguments about how Eva might have additional information about the prior killing game in which Cara died. Even beyond the possibility that Tozu might stack the killing game in a way that could subtly target Eva, unlike Kai, she does feel like she's being written as the Early Mystery. Also, if she's the one bringing up information about the prior killing games, it's possible another student could "connect the dots" themselves and assume she's somehow behind this one.

Beyond those more far-reaching speculative points though, I do also think that Eva being a victim would fit with the themes of hypocrisy. Specifically, the veil part. Given that the killer is (probably) "beneath the veil of hypocrisy," they aren't just hypocritical, but they're hidden beneath their hypocrisy. They might not even know that that veil is there. So, essentially, killing Eva-- the one who's been directly calling people out for their poor assumptions-- would be the killer succumbing to vice and doing anything to shut up the nagging voice that's accusing them of wrongdoing. They can't come out from under the veil of hypocrisy and confront it face-to-face, so they wind up only furthering their hypocrisy in an attempt to hide from it.

Eva is also in the top three most highlighted characters of the Prologue, between introducing herself alongside Damon (bonus points for meeting Damon first and in special circumstances) and her little speech at the end of the Class Trial. Even more than Wolfgang, to me, her heightened involvement in the Prologue feels like an inclusion to get her more content before an early death, rather than setting up a major character with other relationships and plot threads down the road. That's just my gut instinct, though.

Final Thoughts

And with that, Eva's section is over. I do want to make quick mention of Cassidy, though, because I know a lot of people think that she'll be the first victim. I think it's because of where and how much she's appeared in promotional material...? To be honest, I don't really see it, but I probably would have listed her sixth for lack of other ideas. She is another character whose jokes made her very memorable after only one chapter, and I could see her getting on someone's nerves enough for them to choose to strike back against her. Again, won't be super surprised if it is her-- because, to reiterate, I don't have incredibly strong feelings about who the victim will be-- but I didn't have much of my own to add for Cassidy speculation.

Well, you askers have done it again (/pos). You got me to ramble for way too long about Fangan Possibilities. It's fine; I think that geeking out over various fangan theory essays is important for my account and my personal ecosystem. Perhaps next time, I'll have a bit more evidence to look over if the first chapter is out by then. Or, maybe I'll have a thought of my own after rewatching/replaying the prologue again, or somebody will send me another ask that I take WAY too long to respond to.

Thank you again for the ask and your patience, @thefandomenchantress! I hope you and everyone else enjoyed. Until next time!

[shorlinesorrows]

just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin

[natimiles]

Natiii hiii

If your requests are open, is it alright if I request a part 2 of the platonic sibling headcanons for your favourite Ikevamp boys? Where they find out that reader, their precious beloved little sibling, is actually in love with/dating Dazai. I think it would be hilarious xD

Take your time, and remember to put your own health first! ❤

Hi hoooo, Silveeeer! (if you don’t get it, you don’t get it; and it means I’m really old)

Platonic relationships are so cute! Half of them would die if the reader dated anyone, to be honest, HAISUEHSAUIEHSAUIEA. But oooohhh, it was fun to imagine my dearest Isaac! 🤍

I'm sorry it took so long and I hope you liked it! 🤍

gn!reader with a sibling-like relationship with them starts to date Dazai | Isaac, Mozart, Jean, Arthur, Theo and Vincent, and Napoleon

Tags: minor spoilers for Dazai’s route; platonic relationships; sibling-like bond; teeny-tiny suggestive parts for Mozart, Jean, and Theo and Vincent (but still sfw, don’t worry!)

Notes: kind of a part 2 of this post, where gn!reader has a sibling-like relationship with them. 

Isaac

“I’m dating Dazai.” — Do you hate him? He feels like you do now.

He was never overprotective or one to pry into your business, but he felt like he should tell you something about it. You are his dearest younger sibling, after all.

He won’t try to separate you not exactly. He just wants to make sure you’re okay — stop glaring at him!

He will ask for Napoleon’s help to have a talk with Dazai. Napoleon is there just giving moral support because he has nothing against the writer. Isaac is in such distress after this talk, he probably got some gray hair. Dazai teased him, and Napoleon didn’t help.

He will tell you about this and every other time Dazai teased him or pulled some kind of prank on him. Might he remind you it was Dazai who gave him wine and said it was juice at the last banquet?

He can finally have a proper talk with Dazai — without being embarrassed or teased — a few weeks later. He can see now that Dazai really cares for you, and his teasing has lessened (but didn’t stop; it never stops).

Just remember your brother is a contrarian, okay? He’ll complain and grimace when he sees you two kissing, but he’ll help you out if Dazai ever tries to avoid you again. He really hopes you two stay together forever; he wants to see you happy.

Now stop bringing him apples every day with the excuse that you’re taking care of your family, Dazai!

No, Dazai, he doesn’t need someone too! Stop trying to set him up with random people!

Mozart

“Dazai asked me out and I said yes.” — “Pfff, no, you didn’t.”

And it’s not because it’s Dazai. It’s because you’re dating. That’s it.

Overprotective brother activated successfully. Every breath you take, every step you take, he’ll be watching you.

Seriously, he’s watching you two like a hawk. You thought Theo had brother issues? Pff! He won’t leave you alone. Or he’ll try to not leave you alone, but Dazai is too cunning and he always finds a way to evade Mozart and take you with him. Your brother might be fuming by now.

He doesn’t even try to talk with Dazai; he just knows he’s not worthy of you. No one is.

You end up having ‘the talk’ with Mozart. Does he remember when he was having a composer’s block, and Dazai helped? That’s how you start your list of “why Dazai is the safest vampire you could date”. You end the list playfully asking if he’d prefer if you dated any of the other writers, like Arthur, and you swear his eyes twitch with only the thought of it.

He tries to keep his pettiness in check for you. Keyword: try. Spoiler alert: he’s not good at it.

He never sees bite marks on your neck, so he thinks everything is okay and still… decent. He freaks out when Arthur points out that Dazai might be biting you on other parts of your body that don’t show when you’re fully dressed. You want to kill Arthur, while Dazai is just giving that closed-eyes smile of his.

Congrats, overprotective brother is back again at full force.

Jean

“I’m dating Dazai.” — “Alright.”

Chill brother ftw!

Sweet, clueless, and innocent brother doesn’t see anything wrong with your relationship.

He’ll just make sure this is what you want and that you’re really happy. He doesn’t need much assurance. He trusts you, and he knows you never lie to him.

He doesn’t have a problem with Dazai, so why should he be worried? 

However, he will miss spending more time with you in the beginning of your relationship. So Dazai makes sure to include him in your plans sometimes. He might even help you teach Jean how to write and read. (This is too wholesome to imagine)

Jean doesn’t even know what ‘the talk’ is. The roles are reversed: Dazai ends up having it with him, and you’re freaking out. It ends well though; it seems your new boyfriend didn’t say anything weird. This time.

His only problem might be if he sees you two leaving the same room in the morning. He won’t think much of it until Arthur makes some comment about it. And now Jean thinks you two need to get married. Congrats and thank you, Arthur.

Arthur

“Dazai asked me to date him.” — “Oh, hell no!” — “Oh, hell yes!”

Anyone but him! Seriously! If you don’t want any of the other residents, he can introduce you to someone! He has some acquaintances downtown... That’s when you hit his arm and glare at him. Okay, message received.

He won’t have ‘the talk’ with Dazai, he can’t stand the idea of having this conversation with Dazai. 

Again, are you sure you don’t want someone else? If you want a writer, even Shakespeare could be acceptable… You hit him again. Fine! Shakespeare wasn’t acceptable either anyway; he was just desperate.

Dazai doesn’t tease Arthur, so your brother will bring up the times Dazai teased you, like that time you two got stuck downtown because of the rain.

And you bring up the times Dazai helped you, or when he tried to cheer you up. You even list all the times he tried to help him, and Arthur was rude to him.

Touché.

Canonly, he wants to see you breaking Dazai’s masks. So he might accept your relationship just so he can see it and finally be able to read him. Spoiler alert: he still can’t read Dazai, and it drives the sore loser him crazy sometimes.

But you can, so he has to shut his mouth and support you. He’ll be happy for you, eventually.

Theo and Vincent

“I’m dating Dazai.” — “You’ve got the worst taste in men.” — “Oh, congrats! Can we all have lunch together sometime?”

Guess who said what.

Vincent is really happy for you! He already knows Dazai, so he doesn’t need to make sure he is a nice person for you. 

Theo is not happy for the exact same reason: he knows Dazai.

He protects you like he protects Vincent and sometimes even more because you are younger. Did you know Dazai goes to the casino? What else does he do downtown? Do you know? Do you seriously trust him?

You have to throw back at Theo that he goes to the pub with Arthur all the time. What does he do there? Why does he only come back in the morning? … Okay, he got it.

Theo promises that he’ll try to contain his brother issues if you’re too upset with him. He doesn’t promise he’ll succeed. Vincent is gladly there to scold him every time.

Vincent will ask if two can pose together for a new painting, while Theo will glare and curse a lot. It’s a lovely painting that you hang in your bedroom.

They’ll both be mad if you shed a single tear because of the writer. Dazai better run, and he better run fast because an angry Vincent is even worse than an angry Theo.

“Sleeping with Dazai is one step removed from sleeping with Arthur.” (he actually says it in Dazai’s route) WAIT. You haven’t slept together yet, have you? HAVE YOU? Vincent had to drag him out of the dining room because Dazai gave that signature smile of his and said, “Oh my, I can’t remember.”

(Imagine Theo lashing out, and Vincent just goes, “Calm down, they just slept together! What’s wrong with sleeping?”)

Theo will try to find a way to have ‘the talk’ with Dazai without you and Vincent knowing. It’ll turn out surprisingly fine, and he starts to trust Dazai a little more. A little.

Arthur is talking about the bite marks not being visible when you’re fully dressed again, just so he can see his best friend losing his mind. Vincent doesn’t understand what’s the problem; he thinks it’s in your arms or some innocent place. God bless this angel.

Theo is back at glaring and cursing.

Napoleon

“Dazai asked me out.” — “Alright, have fun.”

Chill brother ftw! #2 

He knows Dazai and he has nothing against him.

He trusts you and your decisions, so he won’t pry or be an overprotective brother mode.

He taught you self-defense and he knows you’ll come to him if you need something anyway.

He will talk to Dazai, but it won’t be exactly ‘the talk’. He just wants to make sure he’s not just killing time with you, even though that’s not something he believes the writer would do… But he’s gotta make sure. It was nice, like friends chatting to catch up on their lives, y’know?

If Dazai runs away from you like he does on his route before you start dating, he will not be pleased. But he will try to help you out, if you ask.

If a single tear is seen in your eyes, you bet he throws the chill-brother-state-of-mind out of the highest window of the mansion along with Dazai.

Seriously, he won’t freak out about your relationship, and he won’t do anything unless you ask him to. He really just wants you to be happy.

He’ll try to read Dazai’s books. Gotta support family.

(Can we imagine him ruffling your hair and then ruffling Dazai’s hair? Okay, sorry…)

Masterlists

[orangejuicekiddo]

i need to talk about this i apologize so: SPOILERS for the umbrella academy season 4 1) jean and gene are the best, justice for jean and gene. me when crazy southwesterners. 2) I'M SO MAD ABOUT KLAUS. he was handled so awfully this season, left to die with almost everything unresolved, extra trauma, and all his character development reversed. not a word about dave, even though the first thing he reaches for in the box of umbrella stuff are his dog tags. biker gang scenes made me deeply uncomfortable. 3) FIVE AND LILA. five cares about his family so much, that's been established over three entire seasons. he wouldn't hurt diego by taking his wife. i hate when shows take this route for duos, let them be friends, they made great friends. even if five did have to have a romance arc (which he didn't), why not make it with someone who's not his sister in law? gross, especially to shoehorn it in after aidan was legal. hate it 4) previous relationships are completely ignored. to be fair, dave was forgotten about with no resolution after season two. but sissy, ray, and sloane? ray comes up once, sloane is mentioned in passing, sissy is forgotten about altogether. lila and diego are written completely out of character 5) six episodes was obviously not enough time to tell the story they wanted. i think if the season was the usual ten episodes it would have been drastically better and more fleshed out. durango and marigold could have been explained, the subway could have a reason at all, the new powers and janky marigold they drank could've been fleshed out a bit more. why is lila shooting lasers from her eyes? why did viktor's powers change colors? why is five warping to the subway in the first place?

anyway this season was all over the place. not canon. show ended after season two, they all went to therapy and viktor and sissy got married.

[sleepynxri]

“In hindsight, I should have looked at the instructions"

A/N: THE DEMO IS FINALLY OUT OMG!! Congrats to the devs and the whole team for releasing the demo!! I love it so much to the point I think I'm the first one to make an x reader of it lol. But I chose my favorite (for now)Vince!! And a certain person might like it as much as I do hehe. I might not get his full personality right since it is still the demo and the characters might change their personalities depending the route you pick on the official release, but do enjoy everyone! And requests will be open until further notice. And of course spoilers for the demo!!

P. S. The reader is demisexual! If you don't know what it is it means a person who feels sexually attracted to someone after creating a close bond with them! It made sense to me since in the demo the mc was a bit rude and judgemental in their thoughts regarding their interactions with the different love interests. But hey! If you don't like it then just ignore this part! Enjoy it however you like hatchlings!

Pairing: Vince Matador x gn! reader

Warnings: curses, no use of Y/N only You/I

What did I get myself into?

A sigh of exhaustion released itself from your mouth as you headed out from the diner where you now currently work at.

Who knew that you had to use the first few weeks of your summer in an unknown town after your car suddenly broke down in the middle of nowhere?

Fuck Fate and itself.

You started on walking around the streets of the said town, it was interesting to say the least. Almost everyone in this vicinity at least knew each other if they were a neighbour or a regular. You felt out of place whenever someone pointed out or asked if you were new around.

The only thing that wavered your mind was the interaction inside Cup o Jo Mama. The new part-time job you’ll be doing until you’re able to pay for both the hostel you were staying in and the repairs of your broken down car. (Srsly how did I should have checked it out before going on a long ass fucking road trip??)

Chris was quite a timid character to have as a co-worker, but I am quite the observing person to see how he changes personalities so directly. It concerns me sometimes but it wasn't my business to get into anyone’s personal lives.

And that Wyatt fellow…. Can’t say that the headlines were wrong about his looks. He was attractive, but his personality is that of a stereotypical rich people lifestyle. It's best to not not meddle myself into his work and business, if he was staying in Brine Bay in the meantime.

Placing your headphones over your ears, you started to tune out the noises, you needed some alone time after all the shit that just happened. Familiarising your steps to avoid on getting lost - (Fuck you btw Dante) again.

Clicking your tongue slightly in annoyance after remembering a certain front desk employee who didn't tell you the actual direction towards the diner you were supposed to go in.

Without you knowing, a familiar sheriff and an unknown male suddenly were seen in the corner of your eyes. Jean looked optimistic as ever, but to your surprise- he was with someone else who looked like the opposite of him.

Why not see what they’re up to?

So… . The guy’s name is Vince. Jean momentarily left you both together to help with the white haired males socialising skills. You didn't mind, but you did feel guilty for forcing him to be with you. So you thanked him for staying with you.

You didn't expect the male to give you a half- smile. It almost caught you off guard. It was so pretty…

You shook your thoughts away and gave your own warm smile. Vince was a nice fellow, since he didn't know what to show you, you suggested that he showed the areas where he likes to stay at. You bonded with him with his different favorite places in Brine Bay. You were touched on how he could trust you to these places. You knew it held something for him to show you these areas.

Then you met Kevin….

You almost laughed loudly after hearing the nickname Vince gave him.

A fucking highlighter? You didn't think the male held so much humor. (Or your humor is just broken)

Kevin was a nice fellow. A bit flirty (then again who isn't? Almost everyone - not Dante- has started flirting with you before you could even muster a response to any of their introductions) but a passionate theatre kid.

‘pre’?? Is that a word or a different language? You’ll probably ask the next time you interact with him.

After saying goodbye to the green haired male. You and Vince were left alone together again. You pointed out how it was getting late so you and him started your way back to your hostel.

“Are you enjoying yourself? “ You paused after hearing Vince’s words. You… didn't expect someone would ask this question towards you. I mean it is technically your first day here after all.

You can feel the stare of Vince from the corner of your face as you racked up an answer for him.

“I… . Can't say much. My car broke down, Jean found me, he drove me here, I met a lot of people, found a part time job… . It's overwhelming to say the least” a flash of worry crossed the eyes of Vince as he tried to find the right words to reply.

But you beat him to it.

" But… I am enjoying it. I never expected to have an adventure while on summer break. It's new…. But not unwelcoming" a chuckle escaped your lips as you watched the sky growing darker.

“That's… . Good to hear” Vince relaxed his shoulders with another pretty smile he has. Your heart flutters after seeing it again. This was the second time you’ve seen it but you already knew you’ll always remember that smile he has.

Exchanging numbers with him was… eventful. It was cute to see him flustered while nervously asking if you wanted his contact number (who wouldn't accept his advances?)

You knew you had to take your chances and placed “Vimpire" as the contact name for Vince. (He’ll probably be disappointed but who’s to say he’ll just chuckle after you have him a silly nickname)

You told him your farewells and headed back to your temporary room. Doing your nightly routine and wearing your night wear.

You decided to call someone before heading off to sleep. The first person that popped up from the idea was Vince.

“Ah.. who is it?"

“You forgot about me already?" You teased slightly with a small chuckle as you looked outside the windows while watching the luminescent sky radiating from them.

“It's you… . I-i didn't expect that you would be calling me already” you wanted to tease him more but you asked him first if he arrived home already. He was still walking from home and you both decided to stay in the call for a while.

“Can I ask… why the sudden call? “

Fuck it.

" Is it bad that I wanted to hear your voice before I head to sleep? “

A pause could be heard from the other line. You grew worried when the call suddenly hung up and you panicked. You tried texting him but he suddenly beat you to it with a call.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I panicked!" A rush of apologies came after you answered the call. It was a relief to hear that you weren't stepping over boundaries and you asked him if everything was alright.

He reassured you, telling you that he just took time to process on what you said before. You couldn't see it but he was smiling on the other side of the phone (if Jean saw this he would be supportive yet teasing the poor boy).

“Hey uhm… if you have time after your shift ends… I could show you more around town? “

You were shocked again after hearing his words. This is the second time you got shocked by this man alone. You wonder what he got plans for you next.

" I would like that” you smiled warmly from the invitation. As you both continued chatting until you both shared your farewells.

You yawned and stretched your body and headed off to sleep.

You hope you can see Vince’s smiling face again.

Threads of You: Beyond the Bay

Lavendeer Studio Discord Server

Disclaimer: I am not part of the Lavendeer Studio team, I'm just placing the links here to whoever wants to play the game or wants to join the server for more updates and upcoming events!!

[oneknightstand-if]

Camelot Dream Sequence is a Go!

Update 1: Chapter 2 Part 1 - Camelot Dream Sequence

Some people's hopes & dreams about their Camelot incarnation are about to be crushed.

Play the Updated Beta Test

(Since this has moved to a new hosting site, your previous saves are unfortunately probably not going to carry over. Pray for my server.)

Additional Word Count: 48,000+ New Total Word Count: 678,000+ New Total Word Count (Sans Code): 493,000+

Note: You can view the game code on my site the same way you do on Dashingdon just add /scenes to the end of the URL.

Next Update

Finishing the Minor Allies section of Merlin's Guide

The Fencing Club Route

I'm going back to Chapter 1, if you don't see me in a month, send help.

Link to New Polls on the Update (Which don't auto close in a week like the Tumblr ones)

More (Fiddly) Info on the Update Behind the Spoiler Cut...

The Update Also Includes...

New option to stop packing early in the packing section.

Hair highlights have been tweaked so only flamboyant colors (blue etc) activate the 'striking' flag

Clarified that the Fairy Princess option removes the 'mute' flag

Clarified 'hecatomb_rue' as Adrian’s screenname

'Low-neck T-shirt & Jeans' vs 'Low Neck Shirt & Jeans' bug fixed

Intimidation bug fixed (stat was increasing after viewing the stats menu)

Loredump Pro achievement bug fixed

Fixed inventory bug that wouldn't let you draw your sword/gun/knife during the protect Merlin sequences

Monster-under-the-bed stat check has been made easier

Lowered threshold to receive willpower boost

Increased fear threshold for easier passing of some stat checks

Raised threshold for possession check at certain parts

Various other stat + flavor checks have had their thresholds tweaked

Fixed bug where not changing your opinion of Adrian made the game assume you had a good relationship

Harry Potter references now gated behind choosing a Harry Potter related dialogue option.

2 new shortened versions of the MC customization scene now available

New relevant characters have been added to the Minor Allies section of Merlin’s Guide to Arthurian Lore

A Bit More Info on the Update Mechanics

You've basically got 2 time slots available in the dream before you wake up. The Castle & Courtyard paths take 1 time slot each. Completing Arthur's path takes 2 time slots in total, but you can also just do the first part of his interaction at the barn & one of the other paths instead.

[rjthirsty]

A collection of moments from IkeVamp + my thots

I played Ikemen Vampire for 3 years. I did really enjoy the game even though I've dropped it now. I just felt done with the story. I was happy where it was.

Of course, I collected a lot of screenshots from playing all the routes several times. And it seems here are some from around the same time because they were grouped in my photos together.

Ah yes, the event with the pure blood sandwich due to the aphrodisiac in the blanc.

Comte is a voyeur. I can dig it.

Leo has to tie the dress up, but he called Comte Daddy and I can't fucking get that out of my mind. Do you think he's said it when Saint Germaine is balls deep in him?

I honestly don't remember Arthur saying this. Ever. And my memory is really good. Guys, I remember the first event I ever did in Obey Me in January of 2020. But I can't remember why Arthur would ever complain about someone not believing he was a thoughtful bloke.

I like this next one.

Sebastián tells MC this after she dismisses her own hobby. I think it's something that needs to be said more. Love the things you love and be unapologetic about it. Be fucking you. Be big. Be too much. Be loud. It's okay.

Ah, these next two. Haha. They are from Theo's route but barely considered spoilers.

MC is eavesdropping on Theo, and Jean catches her. He asks what she's doing, and Theo hears them. She makes up a lie about them just shooting the breeze, and for some reason, Jean plays along.

The next is after MC finds out everyone is a vampire because they all kept it from her, and Jean says this. Lol. He's such a himbo. I love him.

Lastly, Mozart being pathetic and I love it. I wish he always looked this mopy. I like pathetic men. Lol.

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Day 272, Flirty's colored and I went back and added a bit of shading to the eyes on everyone that had open eyes! :D

[apolloscastellan]

Never quite buried | loss of my life chapter 4

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Tashi Duncan x Patrick Zweig x FemaleTennisPlayer!reader

Summary: Your life had always been divided in two: before you met Tashi and after you met Tashi. The second you had laid eyes on her for the first time you knew you had been changed. You were soulmates, meant for each other Nothing could ever tear you two apart, or so you had thought. You could've pinpointed the junior U.S. Open as the night that changed everything. Now you have to juggle your hate-love relationship with tennis with your love-love relationship with Tashi and the two guys who you can't seem to stay away from. Tennis, after all, was only one of the most fucked up relationships of your life.

Warnings: challengers spoiler, challengers content warnings, super minor character death, terrible mother figure, use of y/n, polyamory.

Word count: 6.5K

A/N: Please let me know what you think bc my motivation is severely lacking rn, i feel like i'm writing into the void

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Tashi remembers perfectly the day your retirement from singles hit the news. It was all everyone could talk about. First, it was the statement on your social media. A well thought out paragraph about your struggles with continuing to enjoy tennis the way you used to and deciding to take a new route, it ended with a promise for more and better news soon. Then it was the teasing posts from Adidas, the “she is not done just yet” and the “love conquers all”. It all came to a peak with the release of the pictures of you and Patrick. Both of you wearing matching Adidas apparel, practicing in the private court you had in your backyard. The chemistry between the two of you was obvious to everyone who saw them. There was a glint in your eyes that no one had seen since you went pro. She knew the smile you were giving Patrick all too well, it used to be reserved for her. 

Her and Art, who had just very recently reconnected, sat on his couch for hours watching the tennis channel, waiting for updates. The relief they felt when it was announced that you were not quitting because you were fatally injured, as everyone had originally thought, was short lived. Neither of them spoke as the commentators showed the images of you and Patrick. Practicing, giggling, getting closer, him giving you that teasing smirk they both knew, you throwing your head back laughing, him beaming at you when you weren’t even looking, both of you focused on the ball, kissing… They both thought about turning off the TV, hitting some balls to work out how they were feeling, but then you were introduced into the set, a vibrant smile as you walked in, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt too big to be yours. The Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy logo only confirmed the obvious. You shook hands with everyone, sitting on the sofa they had reserved for you.

“Y/n Y/l/n, thank you for being here” the older man said, over the clapping of the crowd.

“Thanks for having me!”

“What a day it’s been for all of us, tennis fans. You’ve had us on the edge of our seats! First we mourned, now we’re celebrating… Please tell us why did you do this to us?”

“I am so sorry! I am, I really am” you laughed as the man teased you, God how they missed that laugh. “I have a flair for the dramatic, I must admit, and I am, in a way, saying goodbye to my career as I know it. It’s the start of a new chapter, and it’s really exciting, but it is also a goodbye and it felt right to give it its proper moment. I didn’t realize so many people were going to be so upset about it.”

“Why the switch? Why decide to give up singles completely?”

“I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, it was painful and I had started dreading every second of it. Fortunately, I am in a position where I can decide I don’t want to keep doing something that is bringing me down, so I took advantage of it. I didn’t want my stubbornness to completely ruin my love for tennis. I thought I could step back, maybe take up teaching and try to find that passion again. I was going to quit regardless, so this playing doubles thing happened at just the right time.”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that! You’ve decided to become a full time mixed doubles player with Patrick Zweig, who is a challengers player, somewhere in the two-hundreds. You are currently ranked number one in the world, how does this happen?”

“I think rankings and numbers can be misleading sometimes. Sometimes a player is not playing their best because of external reasons, or simply because they are not meant to be where they are. I think me and Patrick are meant to play together, I really do. And if you can’t trust anything else, trust this: I am really competitive and I hate losing, I would not put myself in a situation like this if I really thought we couldn’t win.”

“From what I’ve heard Zweig and you are committed to each other both on and off the court. You’ve never been open about your private life in the media, and he is the first boyfriend you’ve ever made public, what’s different about him?”

They couldn’t take their eyes off you as you let a bashful smile spread on your face.

“I mean…  Everything. I am pretty possessive of my privacy and we still don’t plan to share everything we do, but the truth is that I have never been open about any boyfriends because I have not had any serious relationships since I went pro. Patrick and I will be playing and training together so I thought it was bound to come out, so to me, I'd rather have that happen on my terms. And I do think Patrick is very different to all relationships I’ve had before, in the best way possible”

Art swallowed, refusing to look at Tashi when she turned to watch him. He didn’t deserve to be jealous. He knew that, if he had treated you right, you would still be together. That knowledge didn’t change how he felt.

“How does that happen? How does one manage to make the Y/n Y/l/n fall in love with them?”

“Well, me and Patrick met each other a while ago, at the U.S Junior Open, actually. He won it, I got second, we hit it off instantly. But it was one of those situations where it’s never the right time, you know? We kept missing each other, we were in relationships with other people, and we ended up drifting apart when I went pro. And then, funnily enough, we bumped into each other at an Adidas party about a year ago, and the rest is history.”

Art couldn’t bring himself to be angry when the TV shut off. He turned to look at Tashi who stood there with the remote in her hand, not looking at him. 

“I’ll see you in ten in the court. We need to work on your serve.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, grateful for the excuse to take his feelings out on the ball. To think about anything that wasn’t your smile as you talked about Patrick. He didn’t say it out loud, but he knew Tashi felt the same way, the sudden urge to train had not come out of nowhere. 

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

You look down, shaking your head as Patrick crashes his racquet repeatedly against the floor. The umpire’s voice ominously announcing the score. You raise your face back up when Patrick gets given a penalty. Art walks nonchalantly back to the bench, you can feel Tashi’s smug grin beside you. You make eye contact with your husband and shake your head, he rubs his face with both hands, then nods. As much as you both don’t really care to win this tournament, he knows you’ll be angry if he just lets it go, gets angry and in his head and lets Art have it on conduct alone. So he sits back and waits, ready to be better, to prove himself to you once again, like every time he steps on the court.

Earlier that week. New Rochelle, New York. August 18, 2019:

Tashi is working, writing stats on her computer when she sees Patrick walking towards her from the corner of her eye. She rolls her eyes as he stops behind her, pointing at her screen before he speaks:

“He’s not bad, I played him at a few of these things when I did singles.”

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be practicing to not humiliate your wife before she carries you through the U.S. Open?”

“I just finished, thanks for caring.”

“Wonderful” she says, not a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Hey, come have a cigarette with me, I have to talk to you.”

“Yeah I don’t smoke, and I’m not talking to you.”

“Neither do I. It was just an excuse.”

She looks back at him, unimpressed, but he doesn’t let up. He stands there, staring at her until she gives in, closing her computer and standing up. Patrick is not sure what he is doing. He probably shouldn’t be doing anything at all, if he’s honest with himself. But he has dug a hole too deep to jump out of now, so he is going to follow through. He is doing this for you, he reminds himself, no matter how angry you’ll be with him at first, he is doing this for you. They find an empty alley and look back at each other, Tashi waits for him to speak, he takes his time collecting his thoughts before he does.

“I’m gonna propose something to you and it’s going to make you angry. It’s going to make you very angry,” he can’t help the smirk growing on his face, her expression doesn’t let up. “I want you to be our coach next season.”

“What?”

“Our coach is retiring, we need someone else. I want you to be our coach from next season on.”

“Does she know you’re offering me this position?”

“No, not yet. But she will, and she’ll agree with me.”

“You know that’s bullshit. Plus, why would I want to coach you guys? I already have a highly successful athlete under my wing.”

“Yeah, but even if he wins the Open and completes his career grand slam, Art’s still gonna retire as someone who was really, really good. That’s what you guys will have done together. But imagine if you could get your hands on us. Imagine if you could make us great. You’d go down in history. We have a couple more seasons. We still have a couple more good seasons and I need you to bring it out of us. What do you think?”

He doesn’t expect Tashi to slap him, turning his face completely, although he really should have. He mumbles a curse under his breath.

“How fucking dare you?” she sounds angry, too angry for his stupid proposition. “You want me to give you my best piece of advice? To coach you? Ok, quit.”

Patrick can’t even begin to think of a response, the murderous gaze Tashi gives him fixes him to the spot.

“Quit right now, right fucking now, quit.”

“What are you talking about?” he is too shocked to be offended.

“You’re dragging her down. She should��ve gone down in history as the best ever player. She would have broken records. She should have been good enough to beat the men, and she is what? Going around playing mixed doubles with you? It’s pathetic. Quit, and maybe she’ll have a chance at being an ounce of what she should’ve been.”

“You’re fucking joking”

And now Patrick is angry too. Because he is tired. He is so tired of the endless comments and judgment. He is tired of being blamed for ruining you and your career as if it hadn’t been your decision. As if it hadn’t been your idea. As if he was capable of ever doing that to you. As if he hadn’t begged for you to think it over a million times before you took a step that you wouldn’t be able to come back from. As if he hadn’t been the sole reason the world of tennis hadn’t lost you completely. As if he didn’t try harder than he had ever tried to be enough for you and make sure you never resented him or regretted being with him in any way. The thing that makes him the most angry, though, is that it’s Tashi. And how dare Tashi, the woman who had abandoned you and ruined your love for tennis in the first place, blame him for something she had pushed you to do. Something that was nobody’s fault but hers.

“You must be fucking delusional if you think for just one second that I would ever, ever, ask her to give up on her career for me. You know whose idea it was to play mixed doubles only? Y/n’s. She thought of it, she asked me to do it, she orchestrated every single little detail. And you wanna know why she did it? Because she hated tennis. She was going to quit. She couldn’t stand the thing she loved the most anymore. And you wanna know what made her start to hate tennis, even though her love for it never wavered before, not even with her borderline abusive mum who only loved her for her talent in it? You, Tashi. You did. You ruined tennis for her. So get the fuck off that high horse you continue to ride everywhere, because if there’s one person here to blame for ruining her career, it’s the one I’m looking at.”

He is out of breath when he finishes speaking, and he doesn't know what to do. He has so much shit he wants to throw at her, so much resentment for all that she had put you, and him, through. But he can’t say anything else, the second Tashi’s expression falls, even if it is only for a moment, he can feel his heart shatter inside his chest. No matter how much he hates Tashi, how much he resents her, he loves her. He loves her so much it hurts deep inside his chest, like an ache that is so present he had almost forgotten it existed. But looking at her right now, he feels it, pulsating all through him, and he knows, with a certainty he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge before, that he will never not feel this way about her.

“You don’t know what you’re saying” her voice is stern, but Patrick knows her too well to believe her tone.

“You hate me” it’s not a question. “And you hate her too. Me, for having her. Her for having the career you deserved. And it’s driving you crazy, because as much as you hate us both, you also love us. And as much as you love Art, you hate him too.”

“Excuse me?”

“You hate him because he is just Art, that’s all he can ever be. He will never be me, and he will never be her. And as much as you love him, just Art will never be enough for you.”

“I don’t know what gives you the right to speak about my marriage…”

“The same thing that gives you the right to speak about mine. Does Art know about Atlanta?” he cuts her off.

The pure, unfiltered shock on her face lets him know he has caught her off guard. She did not expect him to know about it. She collects herself quickly, but she doesn’t say anything.

“You keep saying you came here because Art needed matches, but I think you came for something else.”

“You think I came here for you?”

“And for her” he says nodding. “I’ve been signed up for this tournament for months, there’s no way you didn’t see my name in the participants list.”

“You think I came here, to throw it all away for you?”

“Maybe you just wanted to see us…”

“I don’t need to see you to know that you look like shit, and she should get as far away from you as soon as possible.”

She starts to walk away, decisively.

“I’m going to beat him,” he says, it stops her in her tracks, she turns her face to look at him. “If we both make it to the final I’m going to beat him.”

“Even if you did, it wouldn’t change anything.”

“It would break him, you know it would.”

She shakes her head and starts to walk away, too exasperated to come up with another hurtful retort about his failed career. She jogs after her, catching up with her pace almost effortlessly. He grabs her arm, makes her stop walking. He pulls up a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans.

“My number, in case you change your mind about the coaching… Or about seeing us again.”

“I won’t.”

He nods, shrugs his shoulders. Then, he watches her put the note in her pocket. He smiles.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

Patrick hasn’t looked away from you even once. You know even though you are looking into your lap. You are hyper aware of every single person around you. Most accurately, you are hyper aware of the woman next to you and the two men playing against each other. You play with your ring as you feel Tashi tell Art to focus. When you finally meet Patrick’s eyes he doesn’t smile. He raises his left hand and kisses the ring on his finger without breaking eye contact as the umpire announces the start of the next set. He crosses paths with Art as he makes his way to the other side of the net but he doesn’t move his eyes from you until he is getting ready to serve. You know then, with absolute certainty, that he is doing this for you.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

Even though Patrick and you both know why you are sitting in the stands during practice time instead of walking around the venue, or actually practicing, you are still shocked when you see Tashi and Art walk into the court. Your hand reaches for Patrick, holding on to his thigh as if on a rollercoaster that is suddenly going down. You both try to look composed and careless, but you don’t know if you are doing a good job. Art and Tashi do the same, pretending they can’t see you, even though you are the only other ones there and you stick out like a sore thumb. Patrick and you talk to each other, although neither of you would be able to recall anything said during your conversation, and share the fries you had bought before walking over. You pretend you just casually stumbled to sit there for a snack, that you hadn’t checked the schedule to figure out what time and what court Art Donaldson had for pre-match practice. Art hits the ball like he hasn’t been able to hit it in a while, grunting as his racket made contact with it. Tashi looks at you for a second, then back at Art. She nods, satisfied. You want to run away, want to erase that satisfied smirk from her face and your memory. But you stay glued to your seat, hand in your boyfriend’s thigh, heart pounding, and you take the way they ignore you like a punishment.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

The wind is relentless, the trees hitting against the window making repetitive thwack noises that remind Patrick of the sound of the ball hitting the racket. You have been answering emails and making calls to finish preparing things for tomorrow, the U.S. Open, and whatever lies in store for you both after that. Patrick knows that you’ve been messaging potential coaches and though the guilt pit on his stomach keeps growing, he can’t bring himself to say anything to you. He hopes you haven’t set in stone anything, because he is still delusionally confident that Tashi will accept his offer. He knows he should help, whatever you are doing affects him too, but he is too nervous to do anything productive so he just lays around, throwing a ball against the ceiling, or the wall, or whatever he can find. After the third time the ball slips from his hand too early or too late and hits you, you stand up and point to the door.

“Leave, right now” he makes no attempt to move. “Patrick, I mean it. I’m working and I know that you are nervous but you’re stressing me out so go down to the sauna, or get a drink or something that’s not going to make me ask you for a divorce or have to spend the rest of the night finding a place to hide your body.”

Patrick smiles as he stands up. He picks one of the keys from your bedside table and walks over to you, kissing your head before making his way to the door.

“I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, love you too. Leave now, please.”

He giggles all the way down the elevator. He doesn’t feel like drinking, which means he doesn’t feel like making a fool of himself tomorrow for getting drunk the night before a match, especially not in front of Art and Tashi. So he walks around until he finds the sauna, maybe that will help him calm down. But as he gets naked and opens the door he can’t believe his bad luck. Although there is a white towel covering his face, there is no denying the naked man sitting right in front of him is Art Donaldson. Patrick doesn’t think there’s a world where he wouldn’t recognize him, no matter how much he’s changed from that scrawny blonde boy he once knew like the back of his hand. He thinks about turning around, walking out, pretending he never saw him, and finding something else to do for the night. But there’s no way Art hasn’t heard the door opening, and Patrick has never been one to run from conflict, not really. So he steps forward, lets his mind get a little bit caught up in the past, sue him he hasn’t seen this guy in years, and opens his mouth:

“Can you do me a favor? Can you not like, demolish me tomorrow?” He says it with the inflection of a pick up line, and before he can even finish his sentence Art is pulling the towel away from his face and looking at him like he already knew that it was him standing at the door, even before he said anything.

They are both smiling as Patrick pulls the sauna door closed and walks toward Art. He is acting far more comfortably than he feels, but if he stops to think about what is actually happening he might start shaking and poop his pants, which would be a terrible thing seeing as he isn’t wearing any. He gets way too close to him, and raises one of his legs on the bench, dick fully on display. Art makes a valiant attempt pretending he doesn’t look down.

“Hey, congrats on being a Phil Tire’s Town Challenger finalist.”

“Yeah, you too” Art says, looking forward to not have to look at Patrick, who is smiling far too wide for the situation they are in and the past that they have.

“Hopefully the wind dies down by tomorrow and we can have a fair fight” Patrick lets himself pretend this is normal, like they are two competitors getting ready for the final, maybe even pals catching up after not having seen each other in a while.

Art doesn’t let him have a second of the little fantasy he’s made up in his head, though. He slides down the bench, getting as far away from him as he can without looking like he is actually running away.

“C’mon, can we talk?” Patrick says, and his voice sounds pitiful even to his own ears.

“Can you put your dick away” Art’s voice is stern, but he looks him in the eye for the first time since he walked in, so he counts it as a win.

“This is a sauna,” Patrick scoffs, putting up a fight so Art won’t notice he’d do anything he told him to. “Look, we've been here for a week and we haven’t said two words to each other. It's just… it’s silly, man. It’s dramatic. I mean, really, why are you so angry with me?”

He sits down, obeying Art and covering his dick. Art is finally looking at him, really looking at him. It has the same effect it did back when they were kids, Art looking at him makes him feel brave. He can’t stop himself from rambling on.

“Look, I don’t buy that it’s because of Tashi, I don’t think it’s because of what happened to her. And I hope it’s not about Y/n, because you have no right… So, I think, maybe, you’re just really disturbed by the fact that they could’ve been into someone like me. Both of them”

“Tashi liked you when we were teenagers.”

“Sure, but I just got married to the girl you said was the love of your life.”

“I ended things with her.”

“And you regret it every single day of your life,” Patrick knew, because it was the same way you and him felt about him and Tashi, “and you know that Tashi does too.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We both know that if Tashi had been a little more brave back then, she would’ve never taken either of our numbers. If she had been a little bit more honest with herself, she would’ve swept Y/n away and neither of us would’ve had a chance with either of them.”

“That still happened when they were teenagers. When we were teenagers.”

“Huh” Patrick looks thoughtful. “When they were teenagers…”

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You slip out of your room in a t-shirt that is definitely not yours and the first shorts you stumble across on your way to the door. You can’t sleep and Patrick’s soft snores, which you often find endearing, are getting on your nerves. He doesn’t stir, even as you close the door softly behind you. You don’t know what you are doing, or where you’re going. You take the stairs down, needing to move your body for a little bit. You walk outside, feeling like no matter how hard you breathe in there’s not enough air in your lungs. You lay your weight against the brick wall of the hotel. You get your breathing under control after a couple minutes of staring at the sky trying to look for constellations you don’t know the name of anyways. When you turn around, to go back inside the hotel, you realize that right next to where you were standing there’s a window to the hotel’s bar. There, sitting down, nursing a glass that you can only assume contains something strong, already staring at you, is Tashi Duncan. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you let your feet guide you inside. Then, instead of going up the stairs like you should, you take a right turn and walk right into the bar. Tashi finds you immediately, having been looking at the door. You don’t understand what you’re doing, but before you can think about it you are sitting right in front of her. You haven’t looked at her this up close in years. You search, but you can’t find many differences. She looks exactly like the girl you knew with her hair a little shorter. You wonder if it’s the same on the inside, if the million secrets you knew about her still hold true. If you could still tell which of her smiles were fake, or when she was about to cry but was trying to hold it down.

“I heard you gave up,” she whispers after a minute of staring into each other’s eyes.

“I quit singles, I didn’t give up,” but you can tell she doesn’t really believe you, so you scan her, trying to find something else to talk about. Your eyes lock on the ring in her finger. “That’s a gorgeous ring.”

Your fingers find your own ring instinctively. You don’t know if you’re trying to make sure it’s still there, or if you are trying to ask your dad for strength. Her gaze lowers, first to your ring, then to her own.

“It’s his grandmother’s.”

You nod, you know what that means. Art had always talked about wanting to propose to his future wife with his grandmother’s ring. Back when he fantasized with you about it, it was your hand that ring ended up on. He always talked about taking you to the residency so you could meet his grandmother, completely sure she would love you and give you her blessing immediately. You think of your own sentimental family ring, unsure you would ever be able to trust anyone enough to carry it, no matter how much you loved them.

“How is she?” you ask, more out of politeness than anything else, you never got to meet her, after all.

“She died. Stroke”

You grimace, knowing the feeling of losing the one person who truly believes in you too well.  You look around, trying desperately to find something to say, you will your brain to remember the million icebreakers and conversation starters you had been forced to memorize for the awfully boring networking parties your mum used to throw for you. You come up with nothing, so you look back at her and lean over the table and she imitates you. Your faces inches away from each other. You feel drunk even though you haven’t had a single sip of alcohol all day. You don’t question it, Tashi always made you feel like you were going crazy and a little bit drunk. It must be that what pushes you to say what comes out of your mouth next:

“I miss you.”

She doesn’t say anything, but she leans further over the table, getting impossible close to your face without touching it. Then, when you are completely sure she is going to tell you to go fuck yourself and leave her alone, her hand makes her way to the back of your neck pushing you towards her until your eyes meet. There might be a million things that have changed since the last time you did this, but kissing Tashi Duncan feels exactly the same as the first time you did it. It feels like coming home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“You’re right” Art says finally, leaning his back against the wall. “I do find it disturbing.”

“There’s no need, man. Lots of girls were into me, but only one of them wanted to marry me. I’ve always thought that was not what I was for, so I don’t know how I did it.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

Patrick feels his entire skin burn with the way Art looks him up and down. He curses in his head the years they’ve spent apart and the secretive, mature person Art has become, he can’t read him like he could. He can’t tell if he is teasing, or trying to humiliate him. He can’t tell if he’s angry, or just as desperately sad as he is.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You don’t know how but you and Tashi have stumbled onto a hotel room that you don’t recognize. It’s much bigger and fancier than yours so you assume it’s hers. You want to ask where Art is, if he is about to walk in on the two of you making out on his bed, but the way she is kissing you makes you forget about everything. You roll onto the bed, hands on either side of her face as hers roam your body freely. It’s too much and not enough simultaneously and you moan and pant on her lips. It’s everything you’ve always dreamt of and you can’t help wanting more. More of her and her body, of her lips, more of her heart. You try to not be greedy, take what she gives you, and soon you’re seeing stars and rolling over, breathing with difficulty.

“That was…” 

“Yeah” she mumbles.

“So… What happens now?”

“What do you mean what happens now?” she seems confused as she stands from the bed, walking around until she finds your clothes.

“We just had sex,” you say, obviously.

“Look, we shouldn’t have done this. It was a mistake.” She throws your t-shirt at you, you put it on slowly.

“A mistake?” you’re getting angrier by the second, but you don’t want to yell and alert whoever is sleeping in the room next to this one.

“Yeah, we will act as if nothing happened.”

“What about Art?

“He doesn’t need to know,” you shake your head as you finish putting on your clothes.

“That’s fucked up.”

“Do not act as if I was the only one who cheated! Aren’t you and Patrick dating?”

“I never said that! You can’t just run away from everything you refuse to accept. You haven’t talked to me in years!”

“Yeah, and it should have stayed that way.”

“One day you’re going to wake up and realize that everything you’ve refused to accept all your life is catching up to you, and by then, it might be too late.”

“Get out” she says, instead of replying to what you said, you don’t need to be told twice.

You manage to hold back your tears until you are standing in front of the elevator. You’re fully sobbing when the doors open, revealing a very confused Art. You see him step towards you, but you refuse to let either of them continue breaking your heart. You step backwards, then turn around. You run until you find the stairs. By the time you make it back to your room you look like a mess. You knock on the door, you must have left your key in Tashi’s room but you are too upset to care about that or waking Patrick up. His entire face changes when he opens the door. Worry taking over his expression.

“Y/n, what happened? Where were you?

You fall onto his arms, sobbing. He leads you in, closing the door behind you. You don’t speak until you’re both seating in bed.

“I saw Tashi… And I… We…” you don’t say anything else, but you don’t need to, he understands.

He holds you through the night. The next morning, you forfeit the tournament and go home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“Honestly, I thought you’d be happy I was in the draw” Patrick is not ready to let it go, to shut up and walk away from Art, he doesn’t know when’s the next time he’ll be able to talk to him again, so he runs his mouth. “I mean, you’ve always wanted to beat me in a tournament, and two weeks before the open… It’s the perfect confidence booster.

He settles on cocky because he doesn’t know what else to do. He has never been very good at being vulnerable, not with Art, and no amount of therapy is going to make him start now, when he can see how done he is with him from a mile away.

“I know what you’re trying to do right now,” Art smiles.

“I’m not trying to do anything, Art,” but he doesn’t know if he’s telling the truth. “This is a challenger, I don’t need to play mind games with you.”

“Right, you don’t give a shit.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that…”

“We both know that you have a considerably higher stake here than I do.”

“Do I?”

Art laughs, but there’s no real humor to it. Patrick does too, trying to conceal the way he is sure his entire body is shaking.

“Oh, fuck… Where do you get your swagger from, man?” Patrick can tell, from the way Art is looking at him, that this is the part that’s going to hurt, he doesn’t try to stop it. “I mean you come in here swinging your dick around like I’m supposed to be afraid of it but do you realize how embarrassing it is that you are here right now?”

“Not quite as embarrassing as you being here,” Patrick has never known a way to back down, so he stirs the pot.

He’d rather have Art yelling at him or humiliating him than not talking to him at all. His therapist would not be very proud.

“I’m just stopping by, man. You would live here if it wasn’t for her” there’s a pause, suddenly Patrick wants to take everything back, run away with his tail between his legs, but it’s too late. “You know, I’ve always tried to figure out what happened to you, but the more I thought about it the more I realized… It’s what didn’t happen. You never grew up. You still think you can talk to me like you’re my peer because we came from the same place, because you’ve managed to stumble into some of the same competitions. But it’s not about where you came from in tennis, Patrick, it’s about winning. And I do, a lot. And you only do because you tricked Y/n into playing with you. But one day, she’s going to wake up and realize she wasted her entire fucking life in a pathetic man who thinks he’s the shit because he won the junior U.S Open a trillion years ago. And then, you’ll be left with what you deserve: nothing.”

“You’ve never beaten me,” he says, as if it’s what matters out of everything he said.

He says it because if he focuses on what Art said about you, he might cry. He doesn’t want to cry, not in front of Art, not right now. He doesn’t have enough willpower to fight him, like he knows he should, like he did with Tashi.

“So what? I haven’t beaten most of the guys who play in these things, or the ones who only make it into the big tournaments playing doubles. This is a game about winning the points that matter.”

“I don’t matter?” he doesn’t know why he says it, or what he is expecting to get in return.

“Not even to the most obsessive tennis fan in the entire world,” his voice is monotone, tired, Patrick wants to crawl out of his skin.

“We’re not talking about tennis.”

“What the fuck else do I have to talk to you about?”

“I wanted to come in here to wish you good luck, Art,” he says, and he means it.

“That makes no sense,” Art scoffs, looking away, he’s talking to himself more than Patrick.

“I wanted to say that I’m looking forward to it, I miss playing with you,” he is being vulnerable, but he knows Art won’t believe him, which is probably why he says it in the first place.

“Yeah,” he nods his head and he looks amused, but Patrick can see right through him, he’s about to finish him off. “Well, I don’t miss playing with you, man. I’m too old for it.”

As soon as the door is closed behind Art, Patrick lets himself drop onto the bench. He tells himself he is not going to cry. There’s tears running down his face by the time you open the door of your room to him. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to, you understand.

[avastrasposts]

The Pilot and his Girl - ch. 22

I never know what to say when introducing a new chapter because I don't want to spoil anything! So just read and I hope you like it 😊😊

Series master list

Chapter 23

Word count: 6.4k

Warnings have their own post (and contain spoilers)

For once you wake up before the shrill of the alarm, the old wind-up clock still ticking away on Frankie’s bedside table. Twelve minutes until it goes off with a ring that reaches your neighbors. Since your neighbor is Pope you’re well aware of this, his loud banging on the wall almost drowning out the alarm when he’s in that mood. 

You roll over and stretch out, your movements disturbing the bed enough to pull a low growl from Frankie. His arm is warm across your waist and when you roll over to face him he tugs you closer, tucking your head under his chin. 

“Don’t wake up yet, cariño,” he mutters, his voice rough from sleep. 

“The sun woke me up,” you mumble against his neck, “it’s almost time anyway.” Frankie’s hand smooths over your body, his fingers dragging softly over your back, as always they pause over the scars on your waist, just below your ribs. The gunshot wound healed over now, only rough patches of skin on either side of your body betraying what a close call it had been that day five years ago. 

“Five years to the day, Frankie,” you say, as his fingers circle the top scar. 

“Don’t remind me,” he grumbles, his fingers leaving the scar and slipping down to cup your ass instead, “five fucking years in a QZ, almost six years of this infection bullshit, and no end in sight.” He pulls you tighter, tugging the blanket over your heads, cocooning you under his warm skin and dim light. 

Almost six years had passed, none of them easier than the next but at least you were both still alive, still together. Still in Arlington and still living in the same building as Pope, Benny and Hannah. But the effects of society coming to a grinding halt became  more and more pronounced with every year that passed. Electricity came and went, blackouts were common. Hot water was rare now and often ran out before everyone had a chance to take a shower. But those were the things you got used to eventually, like patching every item of clothing until it fell apart, duct taping shoes until the holes were too big to fix. Greasy hair, broken fingernails, always wearing clothes slightly too big because you couldn't be picky about sizes when you needed a new pair of jeans after your old ones were so threadbare you couldn’t even use them for rags. But you did anyway because the end of the world unfortunately didn’t mean the end of your period. 

Rations getting smaller and smaller was harder to deal with, going hungry most days was rough. There was some food production up and running in some parts of the country, and there were less people to feed, a lot less people. But transporting food, or anything, between QZ:s was still a very dangerous business. In the no man’s land between QZ:s, raiders and infected roamed, each lethal in their own way. Only the most hard core smugglers had the skills and the guts to leave the QZ and scavenge for supplies or trade with other smugglers. 

Unfortunately for you, that was exactly what Frankie and Pope were now doing to make the ration cards last longer. Pope had lasted less than six months with FEDRA before he got fed up with the C.O. Feigning PTSD, he got himself discharged, telling you he preferred that to risking FEDRA lock up for punching the commanding officer. Together he and Frankie signed up for menial labor jobs inside the QZ, but it didn’t take Pope long to find new smuggling partners and new routes, going back to the job he’d done in Franklin. 

At first he didn't involve Frankie, his friend working through withdrawals and treatment for his very real PTSD. Benny had tracked down a FEDRA officer who used to serve in the marines and had worked with veterans after his retirement. The elderly man, Herb, seemed to be exactly what Frankie needed. His cut the bullshit, Morales, attitude had Frankie mentally sitting up straighter after their first meeting. It took time, but little by little, he was able to use the tools Herb taught him to stop his mind from spiraling out of control. The nightmares were still there, but less frequent and less frightening, and waking up from them got easier. As they lost their power over his mind, sleep without drugs became less intimidating. Quitting them cold turkey turned out to be too difficult, but with Herb’s advice, you took control over them, giving Frankie one tablet at night to help him sleep. Gradually you gave him smaller pieces, until eventually Frankie decided he’d sleep without them. He’d still wake up in a cold sweat most nights, but now he could bring his mind under control and go back to sleep. It didn’t always work, but you made Frankie promise he’d wake you up if he couldn’t fall back to sleep after a nightmare. It made the nights less frightening when he knew he could bury his face in the crook of your neck, breathe in your sleep warm skin as you wrapped your arms around him. Sometimes that was all he needed, to pull you tight against him, feel your hands stroke his hair, down his back. Other nights he needed to talk about the nightmare, or something else, distract his mind enough so that he’d feel sleepy again. Whatever he needed, you made sure he had it, challenging him whenever his old habit of doubting his worth crept to the surface. 

You needed him as much as he needed you, he gave your life meaning in the grim reality you now lived in. If Frankie was by your side, with all the love he gave you, there was still a reason to get up every morning and face the QZ. And you made sure he knew that, that his very presence made you feel calm and safe, and above all, loved. And you made sure he always knew how much you loved him, how if you had to choose between life before the outbreak without him, and life after the outbreak with him, you’d always choose life with him, despite the cordyceps virus and the heartbreak it had brought. Frankie was the center of your universe and you didn’t let him forget that for a single moment. 

After about a year of Frankie doing menial work and meeting Herb at a makeshift office in his apartment twice a week, Pope asked Frankie if he wanted in on the smuggling. FEDRA had once again cut the number of rations they would pay and smuggling would help with that. You had to give Frankie credit, he didn’t say yes to Pope straight away, he came back that night and sat down, telling you what Pope had suggested. It scared you, the idea of Frankie, and Pope, going outside the QZ. If something happened, chances were you’d never know, they’d just never come back and you’d be left worrying and wondering. But their smuggling made sure there was enough food on the table for the three of you, and supplies that sometimes made the difference between life and death; medicines, especially antibiotics, were hard to come by and there were several people in the QZ who owed their life to Frankie and Pope being able to get their hands on certain medication. So, reluctantly, you told Frankie to work with Pope. And honestly, you’d rather they work together than with someone else. Years of serving together had made the two of them in sync, perfectly suited to handling the dangers of smuggling in and our of the QZ.

One of the dangers was being caught by FEDRA. They’d banned smuggling as soon as the QZ’s were up. Or not so much the smuggling as leaving the QZ, strict quarantine rules were in effect and anyone caught breaking them was punished. At first it had been only quarantine, fines and maybe time in a lock up. But by the time Pope asked Frankie to join him, the official punishment was public execution, although that had never been enforced yet. 

Other QZ:s had fallen when people, both smugglers and others, had snuck in after being exposed to infected. Franklin was one of them, a small group of survivors had turned up a few days after the Franklin radio tower had gone silent. They said the breakout had occurred at the main market for trading, two people had suddenly turned and those bit as the market erupted into panic had been too afraid to face FEDRA, preferring to pretend nothing had happened. In those early days, many people still chose to live in denial of the infection. 

The survivors from Franklin had been put in quarantine, half of them had turned within the day, and Arlington FEDRA had deemed it too risky to let the rest in. They’d all been executed. Pope had left FEDRA shortly afterwards, he’d been assigned to the firing squad, his eyes black when he told you the story.   

By now Frankie and Pope had been smuggling for four years, establishing routes and connections both inside and outside the QZ. Today the plan was to go on a short run outside the QZ to meet up with smugglers from a nearby, smaller QZ. They were going to a location they’d been to many times, the route cleared from infected long ago and usually very safe, at least as safe as it could be outside the QZ. But they’re meeting with a new group to set up a new trade. The group had been recommended by smugglers Pope had been working with since the beginning, so he trusted them. But meeting new people and establishing a new trade was always risky. Pope had a long scar on his right forearm as a reminder from a new trade gone wrong, only Frankie’s quick trigger finger had saved him that time. 

“I need to get up, Frankie,” you mumbled into his chest, he still had his arm around you and judging by his breathing, he’d almost fallen back to sleep.

“No,” came the drowsy reply, his arm tightening around you. “You stay here with me today, fuck everything.” 

“Lovely as that sounds, if I’m late you know they’ll dock my pay, they’ve been worse than ever lately.” You wriggle out from under his heavy arm as Frankie grumbles in protest, but he lets you go. He has to push himself out of bed too and as you head to the shower to see if there’s any hot water this morning, he sits on the bed rubbing his eyes. He’d only woken up once in the night but it had been one of his worst nightmares. It was a recurring one replaying Lucía’s last moments, the loud gunshot echoing in his mind always woke him up, and when he opened his eyes he’d see her face floating in the darkness above him. Shoving the image away, he pushes himself off the bed with a groan and heads to the bathroom. 

Frankie follows you to the shopping mall that still houses the kitchen, although the FEDRA HQ has left and moved into a warehouse area that had been unharmed in the bombing. The warehouses had been converted into barracks, storage units, and holding cells. The latter more frequently in use than ever as FEDRA cracked down with increasing force on any civil unrest in the wake of ration cuts and stifling control over the population of the QZ. 

Outside the entrance to the mall you wrap your arms around Frankie’s neck and pull him close, leaning your forehead against his. 

“Be careful and come home to me,” you whisper, the same thing you always say to him before he leaves. He nods and kisses you before pulling away. 

“I love you, stay safe, hermosa.” 

“I love you too, stay safe, Frankie.” 

When you step into the mall there’s more people than usual around, and most of them seem to be gathered at the FEDRA notice board on one side of the large area. 

“What’s going on?” you ask Kim, one of your co-workers who’s standing on the edge of the crowd. 

“They’ve cut the number of ration cards they’re paying again, and coffee is no longer available with cards, neither is powdered milk. And they’ve cut the cooking oil ration in half,” she shakes her head and adds in a low voice. “People are gonna get pissed, especially about the coffee, everyone knows coffee is still served at FEDRA HQ every day.”

Another one of your co-workers, a young man called Peter, pushes through the crowd and joins you. “C’mon, let's get to the kitchen,” he says and grabs Kim by the arm, pulling her along and jerking his head for you to follow.  “What’s going on, Pete?” you ask but he doesn’t reply, until the door into the kitchen’s changing room has closed behind you. 

“They’re banning congregating, no groups larger than two people are to meet anywhere except if you’re in a family, starting tomorrow,” he says, shrugging off his coat. 

“How are they even going to enforce that? There’s six of us in the kitchen alone, everyone works in groups larger than two. Are they going to have guards everywhere?” you ask incredulously. 

“I don’t know, but the notice said anyone reporting on illegal congregation or ‘disruptive conversations’ will be rewarded with extra ration cards.” 

“So they’re trying to make people tell on each other,” Kim says, her voice grim, “they really are fucking facists.” 

“That’s not the worst of it,” Peter adds, “from tomorrow, the curfew five pm unless you have a special pass from FEDRA, if you’re on a late shift. And being caught outside after curfew puts you in lock up for a month, and then you’re assigned to the FEDRA work detail.” 

The FEDRA work detail was made to do all the jobs no one else wanted, disposing of bodies, sewage sweeps and cleaning, or assigned to the most dangerous jobs, like clearing the area around the QZ of infected on a regular basis. If you volunteered for them it paid well, if you were assigned to it as a convict, it paid nothing. Those people lived at the FEDRA lock-up and lived off basic rations for the term of their incarceration. There was no court system so the length of the stay was arbitrary, most didn’t survive long enough to see the end of their term. 

“They’re going to have riots on their hands soon,” you said, putting away your jacket and bag in a locker. “Between ration cuts and the ban on trading clothes and shoes, not even being able to meet with friends is going to push things over the edge.” 

Peter and Kim nod as the three of you make your way into the kitchen for your shift. 

You run into Benny as you get back to the apartment block that evening. He’s still with FEDRA, sharing an apartment with Hannah two floors above Frankie and you. Today’s the first time you’ve seen him in a few days, he’s been away on assignment and it’s good to see him back and safe. It looks as if he’s had time to shower and he’s just returning with a bag of groceries, holding up the door for you after you give him a hug. It’s almost funny, before the outbreak, you wouldn’t necessarily have hugged Benny or Pope every time you saw them. But now, with the ever present risk of each goodbye being the very last, you always hug them when you see them again. It’s also why you always tell Frankie you love him and to come home to you, when he leaves. You’re well aware that he might not come home, you push that thought to the back of your mind as often as you can, but you don’t want your last words to him be something mundane like ‘see you later, babe.” 

“Do you and Frankie wanna come up for dinner tonight,” Benny asks as you make your way up the stairs with him. “Hannah won’t be back until late but I need to talk to Pope and Frankie.” 

“They’re working on the far side of the QZ today, I’m not sure when they’ll be back,” you tell him, “but if they’re back in time for dinner we’d love to come up.” You’re pretty sure Benny knows exactly what Pope and Frankie does, how they supplement the ration cards they make doing odd jobs for FEDRA, but it’s never been acknowledged so you keep it vague. 

Benny nods and pauses on your landing, “Come up when you can, they can join us when they’re back,” he says, “I was given a nice bottle of whiskey by a guy today, I saved his ass a couple of days ago, guess he was feeling grateful.” 

“Sure, let me just shower and change and I’ll be right up,” you reply, giving Benny a wave. 

A short, and cold, shower later you’ve changed and left a note for Frankie that you’re at Benny’s place. He lets you in when you knock on the door two floors up. You’ve brought some leftover arepas from last night, corn flour is one of the crops not affected by the cordyceps fungus and is now a staple in the QZ. . 

“I miss bread so much,” you grumble as you hand the arepas to Benny, and he nods. 

“I’d kill for a grilled cheese,” he nods and your mouth waters at the thought of it. 

“And pizza,” you drool and Benny groans. 

“Don’t, don't make me think of pizza. That I really would kill for!” 

There were attempts at growing wheat crops that weren’t susceptible to the cordyceps fungus, but so far the batches produced were too small. And tending the fields was dangerous work when they weren’t fenced off. And you needed a lot of fence to fence off whole fields. But FEDRA often informed the public of encouraging news like these to keep morale up, and it was needed. Almost six years into the outbreak, morale was at an all time low and falling. There were still reports of vaccine research but so far there wasn’t even a way to slow down the infection once someone was bit and you remained skeptical to all reports of a vaccine. 

Benny pours you a generous measure of the whiskey and you laugh as you see the four fingers in your glass. 

“Trying to get me drunk, Benny?” 

“Na, if I remember correctly, tequila is your poison,” Benny chuckles and pours himself an equally large glass.

“I’m never drinking tequila again, even if you do find a bottle,” you grin. “Did Frankie tell you that’s how I blurted out that I love him the first time? Way too drunk for that kind of honesty.” 

“No, he never told me about that,” Benny turns down the heat on the stew simmering on the stove and sinks down onto the couch, you curl up in the opposite corner with your drink.

“It was that time I accidentally asked you if you were any good in bed,” you laugh and Benny grins. 

“I vaguely remember, I was pretty drunk myself that night,” he chuckles and sips the whiskey.

“Did you ever manage to hook up with that blonde you were trying to make me help you with?” 

“No, but I went home with her friend instead,” Benny gives you a wicked grin and raises his glass to you in a toast across the sofa.

“Of course you did,” you snort, toasting him back. 

“So you told Fish you love him while drunk on tequila?” Benny asks when he puts his glass down. “I always thought he was the first to crack and declared his undying devotion to you on your second date.” He’s grinning and you lean across and slap his arm.

“Be nice, Benjamin,” you chuckle before leaning back, “I think we were both pretty nervous about saying it, Frankie has so much baggage and I had a pretty shitty relationship behind me too. So while drunk on tequila I told him, while we were still at that bar, he took it well though, thank god.” 

“He was crazy about you from the first night,” Benny smiles at you, “I’ve never seen him so relaxed around someone he was dating as he did that time you guys ran into me and Will at breakfast, remember?” 

“Vividly,” you laugh, “Frankie might’ve been relaxed around me, but he was not happy you guys were there.”

“Was that a breakfast date or had you just…?” Benny shoots you another wicked grin and you have to lean over and slap his arm again. “I’m just asking,” he laughs, swatting your hand away, “Frankie did look very pleased, if you know what I mean.” 

You roll your eyes at him but can’t help but laugh, Benny was right on the money of course, that was the morning Frankie had proved he could make you come four times in short succession, turning your legs to jelly in the process. 

“What do you think, Benjamin?” you snigger and he tilts his head back and laughs out loud. 

“I fucking knew it!” 

“It was almost seven years ago, Ben, why do you even care?” you giggle, Benny has an infectious laugh and it’s impossible to be offended by his question. 

“Because I like being right, even if I had to wait seven years to confirm it,” he raises his almost empty glass to you in another toast. “To Catfish, and his enormous dick.”

You’ve raised your glass but almost drop it as you gasp with laughter, doubling over on the couch. “You are the fucking worst, Ben!” 

“Hey, I’ve been in enough changing rooms with Fish to know he’s packing some serious business, I’m just happy you get to enjoy it.” Benny’s laughing almost as hard as you are and neither of you hear the knock on the door. 

“Look at you two, getting drunk on a Tuesday evening,” Pope snorts as he looks in on the two of you on the couch from Benny’s front door. Frankie’s standing behind him, smiling at you. 

“Hey guys!” Benny calls, “We’re just reminiscing about some serious business,” he waves his drink in your direction with a grin, “C’mon in and join us, we’re sharing aaaaaall the stories.” You start giggling again, the whiskey has gone straight to your head and you feel all fuzzy around the edges, and even more relaxed now that Frankie is home safe. He pulls off his boots and sinks down behind you on the couch, kissing your cheek from behind as he pulls you into his chest. 

“Hermosa, did you let Benny get you drunk?” he smiles, the cool tip of his nose skating across your skin as you lean back into him. 

“Only a little, just a little bit tipsy,” you say, “I have no tolerance for alcohol these days.” Frankie feels warm and solid behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist and you drop your head back onto his shoulder, turning your head so that you can breathe him in as you press your lips to his warm skin. 

“Oh, she’s so drunk,” you hear Pope chuckle from across the room. 

“She’s not drunk, she only had a glass of whiskey,” Benny says, getting up to heat up the stew for dinner.

“Did you pour the drink, cariño? Or did you let Benny serve you? Because I’ve seen the size of his servings.”

“It was a pretty big drink,” you admit, “but I didn’t finish it,” you wave your hand at the table where your glass still sits. 

“That glass is empty,” Pope says and you pull yourself up from Frankie and look down at the very empty glass.

“Oh, I guess I did drink it all,” you say, and drop your head back on Frankie’s shoulder while he chuckles, you can feel his chest vibrating under you. “Benny distracted me, we were talking about you and that time we had breakfast with him and Will.” 

“You guys had totally just done it,” you hear Benny giggle from the kitchen and Pope snorts, he’s heating up the arepas, the smell of toasted corn starting to spread through the apartment. 

“Benjamin,” Frankie sighs from behind you, “don’t make me smack you.” 

“I’d like to see you try, Morales,” Benny challenges with a grin, raising his fists like a boxing champ, “Actually, I’d use your girl as a stand in, she’s lethal these days.” Benny adds and you smile at him. Praise from Benny on your fighting skills was rare and didn’t come easy. He was a tough teacher but he’d been drilling you every week since your gunshot wound had healed, taking his assignment from Frankie seriously. These days you felt fairly certain there were few people in the QZ who’d be able to take you in a fight, with the exception of Benny, and maybe Frankie and Pope. Benny didn’t even pull his punches with you any more, and he was finding it harder and harder to actually get a hit in without going into full combat mode. 

“Alright, dinner’s ready, c’mon on over,” Ben says, turning off the stove, and Frankie pulls you to your feet. 

“Let’s get some dinner into you, ‘not drunk girl’,” he smiles as you wrap your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes and bumping your nose to his. 

“I didn’t tell him how you made me come four times that morning,” you whisper and to your delight, Frankie’s ears turn pink as a blush creeps up his throat. He quickly checks behind him to make sure Pope and Ben didn’t hear but they’re busy, before he turns back to you. 

“And I’ve beaten that record several times since,” he smirks, an unusually smug look on his face, as he drops a peck on your nose.

Benny’s stew is mostly beans and root vegetables, a few bits of rabbit to add some flavor. There’s a small rabbit farm in the QZ, set up in one of the parks, and despite the rabbit population being small, there was sometimes rabbit meat available with ration cards, especially if you were high up in FEDRA as Benny was.

Almost six years in FEDRA had seen Benny climb almost to the top, but still one rung under the final top layer. The man in charge of FEDRA was still the C.O. who had taken over shortly after you’d arrived in Arlington, an obnoxious scumbag named Cox. And for whatever reason, he detested Benny. Personally you thought it was because Benny was respected and liked by those who served under him, something Cox was not. And Benny wasn’t one to suck up to the higher ups just to get a promotion, you had to earn his respect. Cox was a weak leader, surrounding himself with ‘yes men’ by giving them special privileges and collecting favors. Benny refused to play his game so he was stuck as patrol leader with few advantages despite being one of the longest serving soldiers in FEDRA. 

As it turned out, this was the reason Benny wanted to talk to Pope and Frankie tonight. You felt yourself sobering up, helped by the food and the water Frankie had poured for you and at the end of the meal, you all returned to Benny’s couch, the men with whiskies in their hands, you with a coffee. 

“How did the smuggling run go today?” Ben asks, looking at Pope, who all but sputters into his drink. He throws a quick glance at Frankie who looks equally flustered before he looks back at Ben. 

“Ben, dude, I don’t know….”

“Cut the bullshit, Pope, I’m not blind.” Ben leans back on the couch and puts his feet up on the low table. “I know you and Frankie have been smuggling for years. And I want in.” 

You could’ve knocked Frankie and Pope over with a couple of feathers, they exchange another glance and Pope slowly puts his glass down on the table, “What do you want in on, Ben?” 

“Listen, Cox is being worse than ever. The lack of supplies means he’s got less to pay his inner circle of cronies, who keep him in charge. So to compensate, he’s cutting the rations for everyone, FEDRA soldiers too.” 

“Why is Arlington so low on supplies?” you ask. “From what we hear, other QZ’s are doing alright, no ration cuts and none of this bullshit about stopping people from meeting and hanging out.” 

“Because Cox knows he needs his supporters happy if he’s to stay in power,” Benny says, “and he’s having to give them more and more supplies.” 

The inner circle around Cox, the ‘yes men’, are all intimidating, grim looking men, quick to anger and quick to use violence to get their way. The inhabitants of the QZ fear them and the arbitrary punishment they deal out. That fear keeps Cox in power, no one challenges him, not even the soldiers. You’d asked Benny about it a couple of times and he was certain Cox would order him on a suicide mission the second he sensed that Benny was challenging his power. And with Hannah to look after, he wasn’t prepared to risk it, so he kept his head down and was passed over for promotion. But now he was prepared to risk getting involved in smuggling, things must be bad, you thought. 

“I can supply you guys with information,” Ben says, looking at Pope and then Frankie when neither of them say anything. “I know the patrol routes, the times, and I see all the reports of supplies that are found. With my intel you could even hit some of the supply caches outside the QZ.” 

Frankie, always the quiet one, who thinks before he speaks, looks over at Pope with raised eyebrows, questioning him. He shrugs his shoulders and looks over at Ben, “I’m not gonna pretend your help wouldn’t be very useful, man.” Pope leans forward, elbows on his knees, looking up at Ben under his eyebrows, “But if you get caught, or Cox catches wind of you helping smugglers, you’ll be out of FEDRA and he’ll probably put you on FEDRA work detail if he can, proof or no proof.” 

“I’d like to see him try,” Benny growls, leaning forward to match Pope’s position. “This situation with Cox is going to blow up, sooner or later. And I don’t mean that I’ll lose my temper and punch him. The QZ is going to blow up, people were already unhappy, and with these new regulations…” Benny’s voice trails off as he mimics a bomb going off. 

“People at the kitchen were not happy about the new rules,” you say, “with FEDRA trying to get people to snitch on each other, it really feels like it’s turning into a police state.” 

Benny nods, “Things are brewing, and Cox is petrified, hence the new rules, but he just made things worse. And if things do blow up, I wanna be on the right side, and that side won’t be FEDRA.” 

“Ok,” Pope says, “if you want in, Benny, I’m fine with that, of course,” Frankie nods in agreement as Pope continues. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re risking.” 

“I know, don’t worry about it.” Benny replies, “And I’ll get you as much info as possible but eventually I have to leave FEDRA, and then I wanna join you outside the wall too.” 

You’ve been listening to the exchange with growing unease, it had always felt like Benny being in FEDRA gave both you and the guys an extra layer of protection, if something went wrong. But with Benny talking about how the QZ might erupt into violence and him leaving FEDRA made you nervous. Life was hard enough without having to worry about FEDRA’s unjust rules and on top of it all, with Pope, Frankie and now Benny, involved in smuggling, you feel like you were the only one not helping out. Just continuing to work for FEDRA in feeding the soldiers and bringing in less and less ration cards. 

“Maybe there’s something I can help with too,” you say, “like be a look out for when you guys come and go.” Frankie is sitting next to you and even before you’ve finished the sentence you can see him shaking his head but you ignore him and look at Pope, “Santi, you’ve said a couple of times you’ve had close calls because you had no early warning of patrols, maybe I could help with that?” Pope opens his mouth to answer but Frankie cuts him off, “No, I’m not letting you get involved with smuggling, cariño,” his hand is around your wrist and he’s squeezing it gently to get your attention, his eyes suddenly anxious. “I wouldn’t be able to focus on what we’re doing if I know you’re out there too, I need to know you’re safe so that I can concentrate.” 

“She’d be safe, Fish,” Pope interjects, “She’d be in one of our look outs inside the wall, just keeping an eye out fo-.” Frankie gives Pope such a dark look, it cuts him off and Frankie turns back to you. 

“I know you want to help, but I can’t let you, please, cariño, you’ve got to understand that.” 

You put your hand over Frankie’s and nod, “Ok, I understand Frankie, I won’t push it.” You see his eyes soften as he puts his hand on your cheek. 

“Thank you, hermosa.” 

The front door opens and Hannah walks in, looking tired and annoyed, just returning from her evening shift at the kitchen. You often worked the same shifts but recently they hadn’t been overlapping. 

You all greet her as she slumps down into the couch next to Santi and he gives her a hug, her head dropping onto his shoulder with a big yawn. 

“Let me get you some dinner,” Benny says and gets up, “Do you want a whiskey too? I got some good stuff today.” 

“A tiny, tiny one, thanks Ben,” she says, and twists her back around, stretching out her sore muscles. 

“Come here, hermana, let me help,” Santi says and makes her shift so that he’s behind her and can dig his thumbs into her shoulders, rubbing over the knots. Hannah sighs and drops her head forward as his thumbs work their way across her back. 

“Thanks, that feels amazing.” 

“Tough shift, you’re back kinda late?” you ask, used to how exhausting the evening shifts can be in the kitchen. 

“Yeah, but I wasn’t late because of the shift,” she replies. “You guys heard about the new curfew?” 

“Yeah, but that’s not in effect until tomorrow,” Ben says, coming back in and putting a bowl of stew on the table alongside a fairly large whiskey. 

“Tell that to Cox’s guys,” she scoffs. “They stopped a bunch of us coming back from the kitchen and demanded to see our permits and then threatened to throw us in lock up when none of us had any. I told them that’s only from tomorrow!” You see her eyes flash with anger and Santi taps her shoulders to make her relax again. “One guy, Peter, you know him,” Hannah looks over at you and you nod, you’d talked to him only this morning, “he told them they had no right stopping us now, that they were out of line and they grabbed him and started beating him up!” 

“What?” Benny spits out, “I’m gonna fucking throw them in lock up!” 

“Is he ok, Hannah?” you ask and she shakes her head. “I don’t know, they took him in  for ‘disturbing the peace’, he was bleeding but not too badly. But the fucking nerve on them!”

“I’ll check on him tomorrow,” Ben growls, “make sure he’s ok and get him out of there.” 

“And they let the rest of you go?” Santi asks, his hand still rubbing her shoulders. 

“Yeah, I guess they got the action they wanted, beating some poor guy up,” Hannah sighs, rubbing her hand over her face before picking up the bowl of stew. 

Later that night, as Frankie crawls into bed next to you, he has a worried look on his face again. 

“I don’t like the sound of what’s happening in the QZ, with Cox and his guys,” he says, pulling the covers up over you both and propping himself up on his elbow so that he can look at you. “Please be careful, and maybe come straight back home after your shifts, unless you absolutely have to go somewhere else.” 

“I’ll be fine, Frankie, you know me. I always keep my head down and stay out of their way,” you cup his cheek, running your fingers over his scruffy beard and he gives you a crooked smile. 

“I know, but you know me too, I always worry about you.” 

He lets you pull him closer and you easily find his lips with yours, making him part them for your tongue as he sinks down next to you. You give him a soft peck before you tuck yourself into the crook of his neck, his arms finding their places around your waist and under your head. 

“Love you, Frankie,” you mumble, sleep pulling you under. 

“Love you to, hermosa,” he whispers close to your ear, pulling you a little bit tighter against himself. 

Of course it was Hannah that became the spark. Hannah, the high school teacher, who Will had fallen in love with and married because her heart was so firmly in the right place, who kept his head steady with her unwavering instinct to protect the weak and always sided with the troubled teens at her school. For as long as Will and the guys had known her, she’d taken in every stray she came across, cats, dogs, hedgehogs, birds, kids. If there was a small creature, lost or injured, Hannah would take it in and nurse it back to health. The running joke was of course that Will was one of her strays, lost after years in the military, finding a woman who saw past his hard core military persona and let him find peace with her. 

While you kept your head down and avoided the FEDRA soldiers, especially the ones you knew were close to Cox, Hannah couldn’t keep silent when she saw someone being treated badly. 

And that got her into trouble and ignited the QZ.

Chapter 23

Taglist: @pimosworld @i-own-loki @casa-boiardi @littlenosoul @stormseyer @mxtokko  @javicstories @nunya7394 @welcometothepedroverse @harriedandharassed @meveispunk @hiroikegawa

[natimiles]

Hellooo it’s the same anon from before :)

I was wondering if you could write (only if you want to! No pressure whatsoever :D) platonic headcanons or scenarios for your favourite IkemenVampire boys with a gn!reader (age is up to you). I feel like our vampire men, however handsome they are, would also be great older brothers (albeit a bit outdated on technology ahaha)

Again, please don’t write this if you don’t want to :) it was just a thought in my head and I really enjoyed your work of the IkemenVampire characters with the reader that has a tattoo, but you take priority :D

-🥀 anon (if you allow it ofc)

Hii, dear 🥀

Sorry, I’m a slow writer haha. I was finishing another fanfic, but here we go!

Sometimes I feel they have a brotherly relationship when we’re not in their routes, so I really liked it! It's my first request, so that adds to the excitement, hahaha.

I wrote them separately, I hope it's how you wanted it (:

A gn!reader with a sibling-like relationship with them | Isaac, Mozart, Jean, Arthur, Theo and Vincent, and Napoleon

Tags: gn!reader; minor spoilers from their routes.

Isaac

He accepted Comte’s offer to have some alone time for peaceful work. With the little school he and Napoleon had set up, he didn't want any more responsibilities in his life. However, as always, things never seemed to go his way.

You’re stubborn and clumsy, and he can’t make sense of half the things you do. However, for some inexplicable reason, he’s intrigued by the challenge of understanding you. Before he knows it, you’ve become a part of his daily life.

You make sure he has all his meals and encourage him to leave his room sometimes, at least to go to the garden and get some sun on his skin. You even took care of him when he was sick, never leaving his side until he was better. You talk about what you remember studying about him in school and how he should consider being a professor here. You pester him until he does what you want and pretend to cry when he runs out of patience, just to make him feel bad for the outburst; but you’re also there when he needs to talk and always defend him from others (you’re the only one allowed to tease him about the apples).

“Hey, Newt, fancy a slice of apple pie?” You managed to get Arthur to stop calling him that. You might’ve even threatened him.

He always looks for you now, whether he needs advice about his new job, has a problem, or wants to grab a meal at that downtown cafeteria. He’s happy when you seek him out for advice or to hang out on a day off. Having you around is comforting; he’s no longer alone. You’re the family he’s always wanted, and he’ll protect you with everything he has, which mainly involves glaring at others while blushing (this man is not a fighter). He still enjoys spending time alone, working. He’s aware that you’ll come looking for him if he spends too much time locked in his room.

He probably won’t say much if you meet someone you like; he’s not overprotective. However, he’ll attempt to meet them to determine if they’re a good person (he might even call Napoleon to help him with this).

Mozart

When you arrived at the mansion, things were lively, and he despised it. You’re a troublemaker; it’s obvious. Comte once warned them about how dangerous it could be to cross the door without him because they could get lost. Yet, you managed to cross it by accident! Looking back, that was a red flag already, but you keep doing stupid things every time, so it’s hard to say which one really is the red flag. He should stay away, but for some reason, he feels an urge to protect you.

As time passes, and he grows accustomed to your presence (and your chocolates, ahem), he realizes that you’re not only his new best friend but also family. In his first life, he was the youngest son and was very close to his sister, so he finds solace in your company and the new sibling-like relationship you share. 

You two are joined at the hip in no time. You’re definitely his favorite person in the world now. Congrats, you got yourself an overprotective brother — but he means well. Arthur touches you? Mozart’s there in a second with a handkerchief in hand, ready to clean you of those scoundrel’s germs. You cut your finger? He helps you bandage it. Are you taking care of the violets in the garden? He’s there beside you, keeping you company while he composes a new piece.

He loves playing for you and always shows you his new pieces first. Your opinion means a lot to him, even though you may not be as versed in music as he is. If you encourage him to play and attend more aristocratic parties, he might even give it a shot. His trips downtown have become easier since you helped him overcome his fear of carriages, so he’s gradually getting used to them.

He might even teach you a thing or two on the piano if you’re interested, so you two can play together for the residents, just as he used to do with his sister. He’s a surprisingly patient and kind teacher. It’s a side he only reveals to you and Jean, and even the soldier never sees his friend smile fondly at anyone else.

God help the person that falls in love with you. He won’t be creepy about it, but he’ll be condescending until he’s certain they deserve you and his trust. The two of you now understand Theo and Vincent a little bit better.

Jean

He’s confused about why you want to be friends with him. He doesn’t think he deserves it, yet you persist, and something inside him just allows it. As you start teaching him how to write and read, he notices how patient and kind you are.

He’s the sweetest brother you could get. He feels like you’re his older sibling (and probably is, considering how young he died). He will protect you whenever you need, after all he’s a trained soldier. He shows you his diary and everything he writes. He asks for advice and always listens intently to what you have to tell him, because you don’t judge him even when he’s having a bad day. He’s interested in your stories about the future, he can’t understand how there’s such technology (the poor guy lived in a century that didn’t even have electricity yet).

You help in his shop when you can and you take care of him. You’re the only person who can actually make him eat/drink something, at least some blanc so he doesn’t starve himself again. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. He doesn’t want you to leave him and lose another family, so he makes an effort to care at least a little bit about himself, and you praise him every time you notice it.

A customer asks for something he doesn’t know how to write yet? “Wait a minute, please, I’ll ask my sibling how to write it.” And the customer is confused, because he didn’t know Jean had a sibling.

If you fall in love, he’ll be so happy for you! Obviously, he’ll be wary of them at first, but he’s such a chill brother. He’ll miss spending more time with you, but he’ll be happy to know you’re happy.

Arthur

Chaos. That’s what happened ever since you two met. Comte might have lots of gray hair now, because of you.

He tries to scare you out of the mansion, but you laugh. He hits on you, you yawns. He threatens to bite you, you bite him first and he yelps so loud, everybody came to see what happened. And when you challenge him to a game, he doesn’t lose but it’s really close.

He is observant and really smart, so he notices fast that he really enjoys your company and wants to hang out with you more, even though he doesn’t see you in a romantic way. You make him feel confident about himself again, like his own writing, and even consider being a doctor once more. He protects you from the idiots and teaches you all he knows about card games, and you actually win twice. That’s his sibling!

You become his partner in crime, but don’t think he lets you do everything you want. He’s actually really responsible when it comes to you. He locks himself in his room sometimes, but when you do it he drags you out and makes you eat something. If you’re sick, he takes care of you and sleeps on the floor beside your bed until you’re good again. Once Isaac tried to bite you when you cut your hand, and he just put his hand in front of Isaac’s mouth to protect you. When you go out to the pub with him and Theo, no one dares coming close to you, they know your brother can be scary when he wants.

You’re going out with someone? He won’t pry much, but he wants to know if you need some advice or if something happens. He knows very well how people can be with their desires, and he just wants you to be ok. Don’t get him wrong, he doesn’t want you to keep your chastity nor anything like that, he just wants to make sure it’s all consented and protected. Are you in love with them? Oh, that’s nice! He can’t wait to meet them! 

Theo and Vincent

First of all, you can’t become a sibling to just one of them. Theo would be devastated and Vincent would certainly miss his brother. That’d end up with the three of you as a family anyway, so…

Vincent’s been nice to you since the first moment, so it’s not hard to befriend him. But Theo is a different story. He actually just starts to try being nice to you when he sees you defending and helping Vincent with his emotions. You also help him with his work and some problems from his previous life, and he ends up grateful. And the three of you are inseparable now.

Theo likes to hear you talk about the arts from the future, Vincent hears your ideas for painting and likes to use you as a model, and you make sure they’re healthy and eating while working. They have a strong protector feeling towards you, you’re their youngest sibling. 

You're really proud of your new family. The first art exposition you help with is actually a success because you talked so much about your brothers that everybody got curious. You protect them with everything you have. Theo still calls you hondje, but you can’t blame him. You bark and bite anyone who tries to mess with them, and he says he can almost see a wagging tail when they come home, and you greet them.

You start painting, even if you don’t know how to do it. Vincent is patient enough to guide you and teach you the basics. Theo tries to be supportive, but what the hell is that paint supposed to be? If you look upset about his comments, he’ll apologize and give you a stack of pancakes to cheer you up.

May the lord have mercy from the person that falls for you. Vincent is an angel, but he doesn’t want you getting hurt, so he’ll find out if they’re trustworthy before being too nice. Theo is savage from the first moment he meets them. You’re upset with him and he can’t stand it, so he’ll try to be a little nice. Keyword: try.

Napoleon (I already see him as an older brother)

He tried to help you from the first second you passed the door, so you bonded quickly. He has the urge to protect you since you seem pretty reckless on your own. He likes taking care of others; he already has Isaac as a younger sibling, so he certainly doesn't mind having you too.

He helps you get used to this new century, giving you a tour through the city and assisting you with some chores. You help with his and Isaac's school; the kids love you so much that he can't help but find it endearing. You quickly come to rely on him, as it's really easy to trust him. You ask for his help whenever you need it, even if it's as simple as teaching you how to dance so you can go to a ball, and he gladly helps you.

He’s not overprotective; he offers his advice and trusts you’ll make good decisions on your own. However, he makes sure to draw the line for Arthur, he doesn’t want you getting hurt or bitten… Ok, he might want to overprotect you sometimes. He’ll teach you self defense, just in case.

He’ll try not to pry too much if you fall in love with someone, you’re a nunuche but you’re trustworthy. He knows you’ll come to him if you need something or if your heart gets broken — and may the Lord have mercy if it actually happens.

Masterlists

[fateandloveentwined]

Characterising Valjean: masks and struggles

Okay, so jvj's sudden intense self-deprecation towards the end of part five has always eluded me. Like, where did that come from? Hadn’t he already turned over a new leaf with the bishop and with Cosette?

Les mis has many themes, but if we cast aside all the themes focusing on french insurgencies and her people, abstract grace and love and Progress, at the heart of the brick we find her characters, and to look at Valjean, perhaps there are two things that explain his abject self-deprecation and wretchedness/misery which were so pivotal to his last chapters in the book and central to his overarching character.

below has absolutely no regard for spoilers proceed with caution lol thanks

I. Masks and veneers.

It is my sorry fate that, only ever able to command respect that is fraudulently obtained, that respect humiliates me and inwardly oppresses me, and if I’m to have any self-respect others must despise me.

cough erik poto

As stated patently in his final ruminations, JVJ never considered himself successful. Everything he did which he was respected and lauded for, it was attributed to disguised versions of himself, Monsieur Madeleine and Fauchelevent. As valjean he never achieved anything of worth, he was terrified in his first days in paris hiding from javert's pursuit and finding the convent, he never felt anything of worth as valjean but a criminal and convict pursued for the entirety of his life.

Throughout the book, he lived a struggle between accepting valjean and donning another disguise that would be some other benevolent man: the extensive deliberations on his way to Arras (who am I?), his timidity after Cosette's marriage in which he deemed his work done — either he is to don a new identity or resume the one he hid away for the many past years; towards the end, as Cosette and Marius were increasingly besotted with each other, he withdrew, letting Javert arrest him again under conditions — he resigned to the resumption of his fugitive identity.

In all these years, his convicted past self loomed over him unfailingly, especially considering his canonical rearrest after Fantine’s death — in spite of all the good he did in the world he was never, in essence, a free man of his mind.

Which brings us to our second point.

II. Jacob's wrestle

The terrible struggle of old, of which we have already seen several phases, began once more. Jacob wrestled with the angel for only one night. Alas! how many times have we seen Jean Valjean forced to grapple with his conscience in the dark, and struggling frantically against it!

The bring him home reprise in the finale is SO poignant, even more so than the original number because of what it truly meant to Valjean in the book. The musical "redeemed" many characters by painting them in a better light: Javert, with his misguided understanding of religion vs. reading the law as bible; Eponine, with her scream saving jvj's household at Rue Plumet. As for jvj, his many wrestles with faith were downplayed for the sake of simplification, going as far as to him praying earnestly for Marius’ life at the barricades in the musical when in the book, let’s face it, he was physically saving Marius but in his mind he probably didn't understand why he was doing something so foolish.

Predestined fates do not all follow a direct route. They do not run straight before the one who is predestined. They have dead ends, blind alleys, obscure turnings, daunting crossroads offering several alternative routes.

And so with the musical where all these mental struggles were downplayed, in the book he wrestled with the faith he has chosen, first during his torturously slow tread to Arras (who am I?), his ruminations on Marius (akin to heart full of love reprise), and his final confession to Marius — so many times had he struggled; there's the idea that God redeemed him through the bishop, and he did good as a man — yet still why had his life been so tortured and full of agony? At first I questioned the use of the title “the miserables/the wretched” — for les amis de l’ABC, the destitute people of the republic, I could see their wretchedness, but for Valjean — as the main character, why was the title so unfitting of the main character? But no. Internally he was wretched, he was pitiable and miserable, and in the aura of his bring him home we forget about his moments of wrath flung out about his faith and life philosophy, blunt anger at the injustice not of the world but of how his life had been — unredeemed, in spite of; the arrant, incomprehensible fear of being pursued and hunted, the resignation to his fate at the very end: moments at the sewers, before javert and before the loving newlyweds.

As such so profound it is, towards his final moments in the musical he reprises “God on high” and prays to bring himself home, he yields to the things in life he doesn’t like and defers to God’s judgement, the faith he has followed on and the bargain he has made so many long years ago — it was not at Arras that his soul truly belonged to God, it was at these final moments where he prays that he has lived his faith through — and that was when I felt jvj’s character fully unravelled.

It was a starless night and extremely dark. No doubt, in the shadows, some immense angel stood with wings outspread, awaiting his soul.

---

oops this has gone on for way too long but i was itching to dissect jvj and have put it off for so long since reading the book i just had to do it for myself anyway.

Also living for all the nonexistent COMC Edmond Dantes and JVJ crossovers because discounting the timeline they share too many similarities in knowledge acquisition imprisonment and faith and pretences to not have met and had many an interesting tete-a-tete.

*quotes taken from christine donougher's translation. explains my tendency to use wretched over miserable lol.

[defectivevillain]

invisible string

pairing: robert x reader

reader’s pronouns: he/him 

cw: spoilers for robert’s route, mentions of alcoholism/unhealthy drinking, allusions to neglect

author’s note: the title is absolutely from invisible string by taylor swift. go give it a listen! :)

There’s been a strange amount of tension between Robert and you recently. The two of you have always had a strange sort of tension between you, but within the past few weeks, it’s been almost unbearable. You swear that Robert’s gazes are turning infinitely more focused and heated—a notion you hadn’t thought to be possible. 

Amanda has been away at college for a little over two years now. She loves the college life and, as much as you miss having her around, it’s amazing to see her flourishing at school. She even had a photography exhibit of her own work this past month—something that you flew all the way to Home Institute for the Arts to see. You're immensely proud of her; She’s grown up so fast. 

Meanwhile, you’ve been going about your life back in Maple Bay. Things are about the same as they were two years ago. Thankfully, you’re far more accustomed to the neighborhood now. You can’t help but feel grateful as you reflect back on the leap of faith that drove you to move to Maple Bay. You hardly knew anything about the area—just that the house would be great. It’s crazy to think about how many new friends you’ve made in your neighborhood and, hell, just on your cul-de-sac. 

Robert is probably the dad you’re the closest with, in your curious little group of fathers. The two of you met at Jim and Kim’s, when you’d been looking for an excuse to leave Amanda and her friends to their sleepover at your house. Your first meeting had been a little strange, but, then again, most good things are. You remember what you had thought of Robert at the time: handsome, mysterious, alluring. All of those things still apply, of course, but you’re starting to unravel the mystery of the rugged man. 

You hadn’t seen a lot of Robert after your nighttime conversation about his regrets in life, his desires to be a better person. You didn’t want to force your presence onto him when he was in such a trying time, so you forced yourself to be content with the rare, spontaneous late-night texts from him. As Robert focused on himself, you decided to get to know the other fathers a little better. Before long, you’re meeting up with Mat every week at his coffee shop, helping him test products and brainstorm ideas. Hugo, Damien, Joseph, and you start weekly book-club meetings, which are really just an excuse for Hugo to rant about his students. Brian and you will occasionally meet up and hang out (read: brag about your daughters) on weekends. Craig will drag you out of bed for a morning run sometimes. Robert never quite slips from your mind, but you’re able to distract yourself pretty well. You resist the compelling urge to send him a message on DadBook and ask after his wellbeing. He’ll be fine. 

Indeed, Robert is entirely fine. After your somewhat flimsy level of contact for a year and a half, he breaks his silence and asks you to meet him at Jim and Kim’s one night. You reply almost instantly and agree. The ensuing minutes are comprised of you throwing on a million different outfits. Nothing feels quite right. Eventually, you settle on a midnight blue sweater—Amanda’s present to you at the holidays—and jeans. Your daughter isn’t here to make fun of your panic, but you can hear her teasing you in your head regardless.  

When you walk into Jim and Kim’s, you’re unsurprised to find Robert sitting off to the side in a booth. Mary sits across from him. You head over to the table and say hello, hesitating for a moment as you stare at the booth. Where should you sit? Mary solves that problem for you, as she slides over and pats the seat next to her. You roll your eyes lightheartedly and sit down, pretending not to notice Robert’s burning gaze. 

It’s nice to talk to Robert again. Hell, it’s nice to talk to Mary too. Then again, she seems to be pretty tipsy right now. She’s swaying in her seat, a strange haze in her eyes. Robert doesn’t seem to be concerned about her. You aren’t worried either—Mary has proven countless times that she can hold her liquor. The three of you talk through the night. Mary retells the story about those infamous pot brownies she found someone making and you laugh far louder than you should. Robert’s eyes twinkle and he hides his mouth behind his hand, evidently amused. 

The three of you have another round of drinks. Mary downs her whiskey in one go, prompting you to raise your eyebrows at her. She doesn’t seem to notice your surprise, as she continues discussing something with Robert. Their conversation ends a few minutes later and, to your surprise, Mary’s gaze is now focused on you. 

There’s a strange gleam in the woman’s eyes. It almost looks hungry.  You haven't been on the receiving end of that gaze since the night you first met. Dread coils in your chest. Mary leans impossibly closer, very nearly causing you to fall out of the booth. You grip the table for support. Just as Mary’s eyes begin to gleam, she’s interrupted. 

“Mary,” Robert warns, a murderous expression on his face for reasons you can’t quite discern. Mary blinks at him and her gaze immediately sharpens. A smirk rises on her face. You don’t know what that could possibly mean, but you get the feeling that Robert knows, because he glares at her in return. 

“I see how it is,” Mary remarks lightly, not at all threatened by Robert’s pointed glare. “Slide over, hon. Time to find my next victim...” You get up obediently, allowing Mary to rise out of her seat at the booth and walk away. She sends a wave over her shoulder. You huff out a laugh upon noticing that, within these few moments, she already has some poor sap ensnared. You turn back to Robert, fully intending to crack a joke, only to notice that he’s entirely silent. It isn’t his normal type of silence—there’s a troubled expression on his face as he stares at where Mary had just been sitting. 

“Robert?” Robert promptly breaks out of his reverie. His gaze returns to you once more. It takes all your willpower not to wilt under his commanding stare. For a long moment, neither of you say anything. You move to sit down, but Robert instead slams a hand on the table and gets to his feet. 

“I’m done with this.” You don't get the chance to ask him just what that means, before he’s grabbing your wrist and yanking you to follow behind him. His grip is loose and despite your rising adrenaline, you decide to go with him anyway. Robert steers you out of Jim and Kim’s with a singleminded determination. He turns on his heel and walks into the narrow alleyway between the bar and the building next to it. Quick as lightning, Robert pushes you into the brick wall behind you. His hands are on your shoulders and he takes a deep breath, looking down to the ground for a moment. 

“Robert...” You breathe, your heart hammering in your chest. You don’t know what to say, so you keep quiet. 

“I’ve spent these past few years trying to become a better person,” Robert begins, an unreadable expression on his face. His fingers twitch as he grips your shoulders. “I made up with Val, I curbed the unhealthy drinking habits... I’ve done everything I could to become that better person that I knew I could be.” There’s a long pause of silence. Having long familiarized yourself with Robert’s aptitude for silence, you decide to let it go.

“I don’t loathe myself,” Robert remarks, his eyes flitting about your face. There’s something significant in the pause that he takes before continuing to speak. You’re suddenly brutally aware of his proximity—the musky scent of his cologne, the strange gleam in his eyes. “Not anymore.”

“Robert, that’s-” You try to say, but he cuts you off. 

“Even so, there's been something off,” Robert says, his eyebrows furrowing. “That conversation we had two years ago has been constantly running through my head.” You blink at Robert in disbelief, completely thrown by his uncharacteristic honesty. 

Admittedly, the conversation from two years ago has been weighing on your mind too. You think back to the exchanged promises under the pink petals of the cherry blossom tree in your yard. Robert asserted that he wanted to become the person you deserved. You had pulled him in for a hug and reassured him. 

“I wanted to see-” Robert says, breaking you out of your thoughts. He shakes his head for a moment. It’s clear that being this verbose is taking a toll on him. You put a hand on his shoulder for a moment and the man pinches the bridge of his nose. “-if I still have that chance.” The statement isn’t a question, but Robert raises his eyebrows at you and waits for an answer. You meet his eyes and nod. 

You’re pretty sure you understand what he’s alluding to, but you could be wrong. Robert isn’t making any movements, instead deigning to stare at you in the dimly lit alleyway. For several seconds, the two of you are entirely still. Just as you’re about to ask for clarification, Robert presses you into the wall and kisses you. His hands slip from your shoulders down to your waist and you loop your arms around his neck, earning you a satisfied noise from Robert. 

Just as soon as the kiss begins, Robert is breaking away from you. You look at him in confusion, admittedly feeling a bit of whiplash. The man doesn’t let you stew in your confusion for very long, however, as his head falls and he nips at your collarbone. You let out a strangled breath and tangle your fingers in his hair. 

This exchange is giving you deja vu. You remember your night at Robert’s two years ago, the devastated look in his eyes even as he ran his hands up your skin. There’s no trace of that misery or grief in his expression now. Robert seems more confident now. He had been confident before, but this time, it seems different. He seems more assured of himself. 

Before long, your lips meet again and you smile. 

[yanderepuck]

I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS

@cirilla-fiona-riannon is translating Drake's route and she has the first two chapters done BUT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Aka spoilers

So we get some bro moments with all the guys which is really cute BUT WHAT PEAKED MY INTEREST is that the trio are all friends with everyone at the mansion like its nothing.

They aren't trying to stay in the shadows and its like Comte and Vlad found each other in Paris and just picked up their friendship. WHICH MAKES SENSE.

This is technically a WHOLE new story. No rivals, which also means that Vlad has only brought back Charles and Faust. Wellington, Gilles, and all of them never came back because it also seems like Shakespeare never worked with Vlad.

Shakespeare is at the mansion when Drake comes along and no one bats an eye that he is there. He does live int he Villa, but it seemed like he was talking with Mozart and Jean when the three of them entered the room. But he doesn't seem tense at all or trying to hide anything.

BUT WHAT ANGERS ME IS THAT DRAKE AND SHAKESPEARE RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENS WITH CHARLES AND NAPOLEON.

But that's an gripe for another day(aka tomorrow when I read Charles' route)

BUT WHAT I'M GOING TO LIKE ABOUT THIS is that with EVERY OTHER ROUTE, we knew about past events bc we read them. We knew Vlad was the enemy, we knew he brought back people, we knew Shakespeare was shady. BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE ANYMORE.

FAUST EVEN MAKES MEDICINE FOR SEBASTIAN. But even though we knew he had some sort of illness, that seems to be only in his route, because (at least int he translation) they don't point out that it is that kind of illness, just that he wasn't feeling well.

CHARLES AND DAZAI ARE BESTIESSS

We also learn about why the door has been weird for the last couple of routes. If you read Faust's route you know that they can't changed time too drastically. Faust was simply trying to save the orphanage and he almost got erased from time (cybird would have done this a little better but I digress). So wither it be God or something else, they don't like that Comte and Vlad have been able to time travel and that being caused a distortion in the door. I'm glad we finally got an answer for this, but that answer wasn't so important.

Up until now its really only been Leonardo who has pointed out how he can tell the differences between vampires and humans and I was starting to get the feeling that it just happened to be a special ability of his. But no. Comte points out that Drake is part human and vampire, meaning he's a demi just like Napoleon SO MAYBE WE WILL FINALLY GET ANSWERS.

I probs won't be talk too much about the route itself, but these kinds of little things. But I do love that Drake immediately got into a fight with Napoleon.

[dark-falz]

PSO Timeline of the Profound Sadness (Detailed lore timeline regarding Episodes 1&2,)

There's also stuff about Phantasy Star 0 in here too because they take place in the same universe! But I'm trash and didn't beat it and it was years ago so idr shit I'll go back to it one day ok promise anyway

LONG LORE POST completely spoiler

Inhabited planet Coral is drained of natural resources. The government, organizations called "The Alliance of Nations" (includes 10) , and "Black Paper" initiate the "Pioneer Project" to find a new planet to colonize. They are gifted from a passing asteroid with Photon energy. They use it to backtrack where it came from to find a place to inhabit. After approx. 7 years, Ragol is found. Coral mentions; Shino: RAcaseal, purchased & passed down to Zoke Dr. Calus: was working on an AI, also named Calus, who developed his personality. Calus dies before the AI is completed. Dr. Jean Montague: 11 yrs. old approx, researches D-Cells brought back from probes with Dr. Osto, create MAGs* which are the beginning of the MOTHER/Delta program 7 yearsish later (travel is heavily disputed among sources apparently but w/e) The people on Pioneer 1 included; Heathcliff Flowen: Deputy Army Commander Rico Tyrell: Pupil of Flowen, Scientist, Hunter Dr. Osto Hyle: Lead researcher Mr. & Mrs. Graves: Photon Engineer, Geneticist WORKS (Government military) AI: Olga, Calus, & Vol Opt (meant to assist with Pioneer 1 research and step 2 of MOTHER) - AI Purposes: - Vol Opt: Security - Calus: Information - Olga: Contact, nearly identical specs to Calus (unsure if these two count as AI as they aren't mentioned much) - MOTHER: evolution & control - Delta: Caretaker of MOTHER Established buildings Gal Da Val Island - Research Facility (Houses Delta/MOTHER Vortex and will house Olga) Mines - Robot building plant (+All mine enemies) - Houses Calus (EPI)& Vol Opt - Dr. Osto's first lab (mines 2) Forest - Central Dome: supplies, communication center

Exploration begins followed quickly by construction. Animals are noted as friendly and docile.

Dr. Osto & Graves create a mutant life form for unmentioned reasons, it starts off small, but has the ability to self-replicate.

Ruins are discovered by Flowen. Military WORKS sends in investigation team. Everyone becomes possessed, then dies turning into the bad guys as portrayed in the quest: From the Depths. Flowen leads a second team in. Falz is unsealed and kills everyone but Flowen, leaving him wounded. When he escapes, Falz is sealed again.

Flowen's wound is infected with both D-Cells and Parasitic Gene Flow, causing them to be alive in their own. Osto calls this a "D-Type Factor". Flowen knows his time is short, and pledges his body to Dr. Osto for research under 2 conditions. - A letter is set to his family informing them of his death. - That pioneer 2 is postponed/stopped from reaching Ragol (Spoilers: Neither request are honored)

Flowen is unaware of the Central Control Area's existance until he is brought there.

Olga is moved to the SeaBed, where Osto had been working on developing a super soldier. Construction of the Cental Dome is completed. Flowen's body is merged with Olga in hopes of controlling it. In failure Olga Flow is dumped into the Testing Subject Disposal Area.

Scientists tried moving De Rol due to his size. De Rol kills the scientists and escapes through the ducts. Its tentacles that stab you during battle is what caused the mutation of the cave's dwellings'. (Barbra Ray is a speculated open or salt-water variant)

War continues on Coral and the 10 Nation Alliance is weakening. Instead of telling the Government to stop Pioneer 2, Osto calls Ragol a "Paradise World" and gets the approval to make bioweapons.* Pioneer 2 starts route.

Animals becoming violent and infected causes Rico to begin investigating. Rico activates the pillars upon investigating them, being under the impression they were built to commemorate the landing of Pioneer 1 from the government, however concluding this was a lie. Rico investigates until her demise and leaves confirming messages that: the ruins is a spaceship from the Algo star system of the Original Phantasy Star series to seal Dark Falz, the reborn Profound Darkness every 1000 years to reborn itself from hate as the seal weakens.

On Pioneer 2, Dr. Montague is working on developing Elenor/Mother 00 and Ult/Mother 01 and Elly Person begins contact with Calus.

Pioneer 2 reaches Ragol (approx 7 years)

Explosion caused by Dark Falz in Central Dome occurs when connection is attempted, everyone from Pioneer 1 is killed with the exceptions of Mutated Rico & Mutated Flowen.

Vol Opt's security system is breached due to explosion and corrupted due to unusual Photons & D Cells causing everything in the Mines to attack.

Calus reaches out to Elly for "help" but has been corrupted and craves a human body. Elly backs up & stores his data before he shuts himself down.

Military attempts to take over Ult following Dr. Osto's plans. Eleanor & Ult fuse to become MOTHER, briefly, as due to abnormal Photon energies, its too much for Eleanor.

Calus data is used by Pioneer 2 to begin development of the "CALs system." This is part of a navigation system any Hunter can access. (Like Rico's messages, the floating things that drop you info in episode 2, is part of "Calus".)

Natasha Milarose receives a message from someone on Ragol leaving the impression that someone from Pioneer 1 is still alive on Gal Da Val Island.

Going through VR testing with Elly before permission to reach the island, Calus has form of a FOmar. (techincally there are 2 one with red eyes and one with blue eyes, one loves Elly and wants to be with her aw the other is always basically on the clock doing what its suppose to. ((Assuming this is due to abnormal photons and having 2 of the same system on top of each other which is CAL system active in VR field as well as on Elly, the operator, but no info.)))

Flowen leaves messages using Olga AI through the terminals you use to unlock the Central Control Area. (all terminals in the Seabed belong to Olga)

Calus enters the MOTHER vortex in expectation of being evolved with a true physical form to be with Elly.

Delta admits Dr. Osto abandoned her and the MOTHER system. (though the "abandonment" could have been due to a multitude of reasons with how full his hands were getting.)

I think this mostly wraps up the timeline covering entirely episodes 1&2

Extra stuff:

Flowen's full dialogue

MAG* - "A mag is a core of D-Cells surrounded by metal plating. The D-Cells are kept in control by an "Emotional AI". This means any mag is actually a cyborg of some sort, because they are a fusion of living and mechanical tissue. This is also why spraying them with various medical items causes them to change their shape so drastically.

"This is also why they can do the Photon Blast. The mag is able to absorb the energy from your photonic attacks on enemies, and also to absorb the pain from hits and turn it into photon. They had mags doing PBs on Coral, where the blasts did not take on a particular shape. The things you see in your PBs on Ragol look the way they do because the abnormal photon count, and D-cell count on Ragol is really high. The PB animals look like dark enemies, but with light color bodies. This is the influence of Ragol." - Translated from The Book of Hunters (Eleanor & Ult also carry D-cells)

Bioweapons - The bioweapons scientists of Pioneer 1 were making included using D-Cells, Parasitic Gene Flow, and living beings. This extended from animals, to plants, to even the scientists themselves in efforts of creating a "super solder". The reason behind this is because Falz is seen as an eternal entity, and that's what the scientists want to harness for themselves. Montague does a similar process, but instead using monster parts and photon energy from the mutated creatures, as oppose to mutated genes, to create weapons.

Links to information that helped me accumulate all this: phantasystardynasty PScave (I have dialogue with Flowen's text linked, if you want dialogue from another quest, just change the text between "script/" and ".html" to the quest of the dialogue you want to look out without spaces) Fandom Wiki (multiple pages from this one) This Tumblr post