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kremeforkian · 3 years ago

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kian lawley x female reader

once again, all fluff. whatever that even means. (not a writer).

summary: you never asked for help as your mental health slowly got worse, not liking when you seemed vulnerable or weak.

ignore the random paragraphs. the app decided to let me know that my paragraphs were too long. so judgemental. i’m not sure if i even like this one, my writing was all over the place. anyway, don’t let me stop you from reading.

It had been a hard month. you’re anxiety was creeping it’s way back, eliciting old habits to plague your daily life. you felt held back. a sense of dread had found a home in your stomach, tossing and turning, always making you feel like something bad was ahead. you kept brushing it off. it’ll go away. you, of course, had kept this from kian. you felt that him knowing wouldn’t do him any good. putting others first had always been a natural instinct of yours. it had been especially bad that morning. on the verge of a full breakdown, that was ignored, you had gotten ready as usual. waitressing at a cafe down the street had been a side job of yours for a few years, never getting tired of the homely, welcoming space you felt safe in.

as soon as you stepped through the door, the small bell signalling your awaited arrival, you felt all eyes on you. casuals greeted you with a smile whereas others took a quick glance in your direction, completely uninterested. you still couldn’t help but feel on-the-spot. you went about your shift as normally as possible, taking orders and greeting customers. the welcoming atmosphere had changed into something that made you uncomfortable. you felt that peoples smiles and happy attitudes towards you were not genuine. running away and finding somewhere to hide was a very seemingly ideal option for you.

nearing the end of your shift you found yourself in the alley beside the cafe, phone in hand, pacing. the number at the top read ‘ki’. you pressed it, yearning to hear his voice. after a few rings he picked up. “hey baaaaaby” kian said, giddy about you calling him during your shift. “hi ki” you said casually, trying to rid your voice of the nerves that filled you. “hey, are you alright?” he asked you softly. “mhm” was all you had found yourself being able to say, suddenly feeling choked up by that one question. “y/n..what’s wrong?” he had suspected for awhile that you hadn’t been feeling your best, but with your skills of hiding your emotions, he couldn’t be sure. the concern and care his voice had almost made you burst into tears then and there, standing in the middle of the cafe’s change rooms, a dirty cloth in hand. “..nothing-uh..nothing. i’m fine. just wanted to..say hi.” you forced out, voice heavy. “y/n…” “oh shit, my boss is calling me back to work. bye kian.” you rushed, voice shaky, “y/n, isn’t your shift about to en-” you hung up amidst his questioning. what is wrong with me. you scolded yourself, feeling embarrassed.

you decided a stroll would be good for you. you clocked out a bit early, your boss urging you to once seeing the flustered state you were in. instead of hearing straight home, you ended up finding yourself on a boardwalk that reached out into a vast lake. you wanted to go there to think but your mine seemed blank. you were upset and tired, but no tears came. you sat there, time ticking by, phone occasionally lighting up with calls and texts. you found it hard to find the motivation to actually get up and go. you’re mind was someplace else. the buzzing of your phone caught you off guard. your mind finally becoming more aware. you didn’t check who was calling you, just lazily answering. “y/n?” kian’s voice cracked out of the speaker. ”hello?” you said in a small voice. “y/n!” he sighed out of relief, “are you okay? where are you?” he rushed out, in a panic. you were a bit confused as to why he was so worried. “why? did something happen?” “what! y/n, no one knew where you were for two hours!” he sounded worn out, frustrated and confused. two hours? you could tell he was pacing as he spoke. “oh” you replied. he picked up on the distant vibe that came from each reply. you sounded drained. “y/n..” “i’ll be home in 5 minutes.” you hung up the call.

walking up towards the door, you were fiddling with your keys, getting ready to let yourself in. before you could even get to the unlocking part, the door flung open, a warm body enveloping you in their arms. kian’s cologne filled your nose, his taller figure making you feel safe. you could hear his heart beating rapidly. your tense body suddenly weakened. you felt like you’d reached your tipping point. all the silent, hidden struggling weighed down on you. unable to hold yourself up anymore, you collapsed into kian’s hold. he gripped you tight, making sure you wouldn’t fall. he slowly brought you both down towards the floor, seating himself against the wall beside the door, leaning you up against himself. jc, oscar, crawford, ryan and will were inside. they had obviously been called over when kian was freaking out. they were watching in deep concern, also being some of the many who had been trying to contact you. they had not known the extent of your struggling. seeing you in that way shocked them. they worriedly mumbled to each other whilst walking away, deciding to give the two of you privacy.

his hands brushed against your back soothingly as your body shook with each silent sob. tears rushed down your face. “shh..it’s okay y/n,” he said softly in your ear, “you’re fine, y/n, i’m here.” you felt so, so tired. once your body had stopped trembling, kian lifted your head up, holding your face between his hands. tears still rapidly ran down your cheeks. the sight of this made his heart wrench. he attempted to dry the wetness of your face with his sleeve but it was a futile attempt. he whispered “why didn’t you say anything y/n..” you stayed silent. “you don’t need to be scared to tell someone that you’re not feeling okay.” he was right. you were scared. that was not something you wanted to admit. the look on your face said it all. he pulled you into a hug, holding your head against his chest. your body slowly became more tired, weakened from your previous display of emotions. he stood up, still grasping on tightly to you. he walked you both towards his room, you leaning against his side for support, red eyed with pink blotchy cheeks. the sound of the door closing alerted the boys. they looked at you, eyebrows furrowed in worry. you didn’t look at them, deeply embarrassed. they looked at kian, silently asking if talking to you in that moment would be a good idea. kian shook his head. the boys silently mimicked that they were leaving, ryan mouthing ‘text us later’.

you both lay in kian’s bed, his hand running through your hair. “y/n?” “hmm?” you hummed quietly, exhausted. “from now on, i need you to tell me when your not feeling okay, even if you’re feeling the tiniest bit off. i don’t want you to keep struggling by yourself. i’m here for you and i want you to feel like you can tell me anything.” kian said. “i love you ki” you whispered, lifting your head up to look at him. the care he had for you was evident in his eyes. “i love you y/n”.

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kbuggg3 · 4 years ago

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JC Caylen Imagine: “Don’t Be Sorry”

Today's has been a pretty eventful day to say the least. While my boyfriend JC was out with some old friends who came into town to visit him, me and my dad got into a fight... again.

But the thing that hurts the most is not only is this the 4th time in a row he's been caught, but I'm the one that keeps witnessed it. Your probably wonder "the 4th time? Why do you keep falling for his bullshit?"

Welp. He's my dad. I'm not just gonna give up on him completely. When we would catch him doing something he would let fake tears fall from his eyes as he was apologizing to us and we would forgive him.

And then we'd catch him again, he'd apologize, we'd forgive him. It was an endless cycle. But this time I knew I can't get my hopes up to high anymore.

My mom always told me it takes years to build trust and seconds to destroy it. I felt that. He didn't only ruin my trust with him, but my trust with everyone else. I let everything that happened get to my head and now I have major trust issues. With the exception of one person.

JC Caylen

Before i met JC my life was pretty miserable. I lived in Florida with my mom and my older sister. After my mom and dad got divorced, my family slowly started going down hill.

My dad was barely in the picture due to his constant sneaking around as he was hooking up with random people and getting drunk and being so lazy that he never even bothered covering his tracks, allowing us to discover his dirty little secrets for ourselves.

My poor brother was clueless. Had no idea what his own father was doing behind his back and we didn't bother telling him because 1.) he was a very sensitive boy at the time and 2.) he looked to my dad for everything. My dad was his role model.

After awhile of all of this, my sister was diagnosed with depression. Not too severe but even the smallest bit can make you feel like shit. And as for me, I struggled with self love. Because I didn't really have a good male figure on my life I looked to guys for verification.

But after i spent a week with him and the rest of the O2l house at Vidcon i felt like my life was finally picking up. Fast forward a couple years and my sisters depression is gone, my brother grew up to be an amazing dad of 2 kids, and as for me, i stopped looking for verification in guys and me and JC started dating.

We've been dating for 2 years now and he has been nothing but amazing. I love him so much and I know he loves me. Ever since we've started dating people have been telling me they've never seen me so happy before or they've never seen me smile or laugh that much before.

I just wished he was here to comfort me right now. I haven't told him what happened yet. I didn't wanna ruin his day. He was hanging out with some old friends of his who flew down to visit him.

I wasn't gonna burden him with my stupid family issues while he was out with his friends. I turned on a random disney movie and began to watch as I continued to cry at random times when the old memories would pop up in my mind.

I would squeeze my eyes shut and burry my head in my pillow trying to make them stop but they never went away, no matter how hard i tried. Eventually I decided enough was enough. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to call JC. I grabbed the phone and went to his name in my contacts. I dried my tears and took a few deep breaths to stop myself from crying so he wouldn't notice and be too worried.

After attempting to recollect myself, i pressed call, holding the phone up to my ear as i heard it ring. A few seconds later the line picked up and i heard his sweet voice on the other end.

"What's up baby." JC said in a super deep voice cause you to giggle only slightly.

"Hey JC. Um, I was just wondering when you were gonna be home?"

"Is my girl missing me already?"

"What do mean already you've been gone for hourrrrsssss." She groaned causing him to chuckle.

"I know baby I'm sorry. I'll actually be home soon."

I sighed with relief before responding, "Thank god!"

"Is everything ok (y/n)?"

Shit. Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.

She sniffles a little and swallowed hard.

"Y-ya baby why do you ask?" My breath was uneven and he could tell.

"No no. Your not ok. I'm coming over right now."

Don't mess this up (y/n) he's having fun. Don't ruin his day.

"JC it's fine. I'm gonna be ok. Just go hang out with your friends. Have fun!"

"Gonna be?!"

I pulled back and cringed at my own words. Shouldn't have said that.

"Gonna be ok??? (y/n) what happened???" JC exclaimed again. She sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"JC I'm-"

Tell him your fine. He's with his friends. He doesn't need this right now.

Tell him what you tell everyone else in your life. Your fine.

"It's my dad again." I said with tears in my eyes.

What the fuck (y/n)! How could you?!

He can tell by my voice I was crying.

"Fuck. Baby I'm coming over right now." He side sternly. Was he mad?

"N-no JC it's ok really I-"

"No! (y/n) it's not ok! Baby he's put you through so much shit and I'm tired of it! You don't deserve that! You nor your family!" He began to shout a little and it caused her to cry harder. Not because I'm scared of him. But because he cared so much and that meant the world to her. He's the only one who gets it.

He did a deep sigh and you already knew he was running his hands through his hair and pacing, something he did when he was stressed, nervous, or in this case pissed off.

"I'm coming over. I'll be there in a few just hang on ok?"

At first no words were spoken. She didn't want to agree because she still felt bad about burdening him with it. But she was going to lose her fucking mind if he wasn't holding her ASAP so she finally spoke a barely audible "ok".

Immediately the phone call was ended. (y/n)'s phone slid out of her hand and onto the floor. She sat there curled up on her bed for awhile, staring blankly at the floor as her head was leaned on the head rest.

The thoughts and images filled her head again and she began to cry and cry and cry. "Go away." She whispered with quivering lips. "Go away!"

Not too long after the phone call she heard keys rattling as whoever was on the other side, who she assumed was JC, tried to open the door. She then heard footsteps quickly going up the stairs.

Her teary eyes slowly looked up to the door and saw the door knob slowly being turned, then the door opened revealing her boyfriend. In her mind she was smiling, finally being able to see him, but on the outside she unintentionally showed the opposite.

They made eye contact and (y/n) saw the sympathetic look on JC's face. She hated it when people would look at her like that and he knew it. He just couldn't help it. It makes her feel weak and helpless even tho those are the exact words that describe her in this moment.

When she saw the look on his face she quickly looked away, turning her head to the side and squeezed her eyes shut as more tears slipped down her cheeks, slightly embarrassed by her fragile appearance.

She felt the bed beside her dip down meaning JC was now sitting next to her on the bed.

"Baby..."

JC gently touched her chin and moved it to where her eyes had nowhere else to look but his.

"I... I am so sorry."

After looking into his beautiful brown eyes, (y/n) finally gave in and buried her face in his shoulder as she sat in his lap in a straddle like position.

Her arms were tightly wrapped around his neck and the more she cried the tighter she would hold on. In return JC would squeeze her back, both arms wrapped around her waist. He then began to run his hand through her hair and draw small circles on her back in a soothing motion.

JC continued to whisper little nothings in her ear as she gripped his shirt that was soaked with her tears.

"You don't deserve this."

"None of this is your fault."

"You're an amazing girl."

"You're my amazing girl."

After a few minutes or so of them sitting in silence, JC asked her if she wanted to lay down and cuddle while they watched a movie. (y/n) could only nod her head as they repositioned themselves to where she was laying on JC's stomach with her face still buried in his chest. He put on her favorite Disney movie "Finding Nemo" hoping it would encourage her to lift her head and hopefully help calm her.

When she heard the music play softly from the TV she slowly and hesitantly lifted her head from JC's chest as she positioned her head to where she could see the movie displayed on the large screen. JC smiled at her and kissed the top of her head. Occasionally throughout the movie he would rub her back soothingly, play with her hair, and give her kisses on the top of her head or forehead, causing (y/n) to smile slightly.

"Thank you... Seriously," (y/n) said quietly. He was surprised at first, judging by the fact that neither of them have said a word to each other for about an hour (not in a rude way of course but because there was no need for words. They just needed time to think and relax). "No problem, baby. I love you so so much."

(y/n) look up at him, resting her chin on his chest. He noticed how the red puffiness in her eyes went down and there was not a tear in sight, causing his heart to warm and a smile to make its way across his face. "I love you too." They shared a short but sweet kiss and went to sleep cuddled up in their bed as "Finding Nemo" continued to play and lull them into a deep and peaceful sleep.

ngl I hate writing sad stuff (unless y’all request it obvi) but I got this idea and couldn’t get it out of my head so you’re welcome. If you have any requests and/or feedback let me know plz! Love y'all💋 ~Kbug :)

#jc #jc caylen #jc x reader #jc caylen x reader #knj #kian and jc

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