#jazz completely destroys him and she has so much fun doing it

[demonic0angel]

Court Story Idea

TW: the Joker

Where the Joker is being prosecuted for his crimes within the Ghost Zone and each side (defendant and plaintiff) is able to choose the lawyer for the other side. So that means that the Joker is able to choose an attorney for the plaintiffs AKA Jason, along with other victims, both alive and dead. (For drama’s sake, let’s say that the Justice League is there too, along with the younger generation of heroes.)

When everyone hears this, they’re like ??? Because isn’t that just going to help the Joker??

And the Joker, realizing this, is looking for the most weakest, most vulnerable person to exploit within this ghostly court room and he looks at the back of the room…

And finds Jazz, who’s sitting in a corner behind King Phantom, head down, trying her best to be unnoticed, nose in her papers as she’s writing down what’s said as the court reporter.

And the Joker picks her.

Nobody understands why everyone from the Ghost Zone is suddenly either 1) flabbergasted, 2) completely delighted, or 3) laughing so hard that it’s like they’re about to die a 2nd time.

Because the Joker chose the only person in the room with an actual law degree who is not only the big sister of the literal Ghost King, but also loves children, is fiercely protective of them, and most importantly, has never gotten the opportunity to show off her hard earned degrees in criminology, psychiatry, or law until now.

(Inspired by this post where someone says that Jazz would be the court reporter)

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Hi hi hi, I would love to hear more of your Dan thoughts! I'm intrigued!!!

>:]!!!!!!!!!! >:D!!!!!!

Ok ok so I've never really tried to put my thoughts into words before so this might be a bit of a mess usually I'm just rotating him in my mind but yes yes yes I have Dan thoughts I want to share my Dan thoughts

I only focus on agit at the end so this is pretty spoiler free for that I think maybe. Thumbs up emoji

Dan is a fun character because despite only having one episode we can still tell alot about his personality and such, as he's rather bold with it and is a fusion of two characters we do see alot, and it really shows! I flip between saying Dan or more Danny than Vlad and saying that they're basically equal in the fusion, but I think a good way to describe it is that he takes different aspects from them, for his appearance and memories he very much takes after Danny, but his personality and how he acts n talks oozes Vlad. Yknow??? If I'm saying the right words here. Dan works so well as a fusion because he also manages to feel like his own character as well

Dan is made from the two's ghost halves, so I'm a fan of the theory/thought I do believe I've seen before that he's based on the ghost halves. Like. Vlad used his ghost form and powers for scheming, attacking, gaining power, and so on, I'd easily imagine he doesn't use it nearly as much as Danny. Danny had to use his ghost form mostly for fighting other ghosts, very frequently, and also used his powers for his own benefit as well, though not nearly as extreme as Vlad. As Danny was in his ghost form more, and as it was more connected to his ghost form (phantom just being an inverted Danny VS Vlad's completely different from himself ghost form, even down to body type) it makes sense why Dan would be more Danny focused, especially in terms of his relationship with others and memories. Vlad's things don't matter to him nearly as much. I mean, he seemingly couldn't find Vlad's new hideout that was under a Welcome to Wisconsin sign, and its ghost zone entrance behind a football

"The only remaining portal, the one my idiot cheesehead archenemy has? As soon as I find it that's going too."

He doesn't respect Vlad in the slightest or seem to care about him. Danny found Vlad's portal almost immediately. So either Dan simply couldn't remember things Vlad liked well enough to guess, and/or, he truly couldn't care less and didn't bother too hard with the search. Both makes sense, and since Vlad is fully human that very likely adds to the contempt and not seeing him as threat enough to find the portal quickly.

Something interesting, is the fact Dan knows Vlad had a portal at all, Dan partially destroyed Vlad's castle after being formed and its clearly in a different location now, unless that cave Vlad is in streaches all the way to his castle's basement Dan hasn't bothered checking? Which is. Unlikely. Which means Vlad had to make a new one. And Dan knew he did. Much to think about there I believe.

I do also think Dan actually doesn't remember his past terribly well. I know I know I just said he's focused on Danny's memories and life, and he is! But also. Its a bit separated from him, the episode itself actually points out him forgetting things about his family several times, it really does feel like they're trying to stress to you, really hammer it in that he's forgotten them some way. It's mentioned offhand like 2 or 3 times.

When Jazz confronts him and admits she knew about his ghost powers he says "You knew?" So??? Softly???? Like PLEASE listen to that line especially after hearing how he usually talks oh my GOSH??!?!!?!?!?! AUGH. slamming my hands on the floor I could make a whole separate thing just thinking of that interaction alone. God. He never knew she knew, it took him by genuine surprise for a moment. And just????? Augh??!???!?!!?!?! He had one family member always in his corner and secretly looking out for him, she believed in him and knew he was trying to do good and she had been waiting for him to reveal it to her in his own time but that time never came because she'd died and haiabsjahasguaaaai u ghjjfhdhfjshauhghhhhh

When Danny enters the future Valerie immediately thinks he Dan, she doesn't question it in the slightest, or question him saying "I have really bad feeling im the one responsible". Before attacking she says "You can't fool me this time Phantom". I take this as either meaning Dan has disguised himself as a young Phantom before, or Valerie is so used to his tricks and and finding new powers that him suddenly looking younger doesn't phase her in the slightest. I do like the idea him disguising as a young Phantom before more. It seems very probable considering he can be Danny Fenton. But this interaction also makes me wonder if Valerie knows, or ever learned that Fenton is Phantom, the trick from before easily could've been Fenton. "The explosion at the Nasty Burger, you, Tucker, Danny's family- and it was all your fault!" She's points her blaster at Phantom while saying that last bit. It makes me wonder if her saying "Danny's family" is showing how she doesn't know he's Danny. There's still other options like her knowing but not admitting he's Fenton, or her knowing he was Danny once but isn't anymore, hence saying "Danny's family" instead of something like "his family". Honestly, her knowing or not are both equally likely. As I said in my tags before, Dan seems to like to get a rise out of people, to get a reaction, he very easily could've told her in an attempt to anger or devastate her, and at the same time he simply could've not bothered at all. I think I prefer the option of her not knowing personally

I don't think I could describe Dan more concisely than I did before, he likes to get a rise out of people, revel in reactions. He twists the past to credit himself for the Nasty Burger explosion after he more than likely blamed himself for it as Danny. He likes to seem in control. He's dramatic. He hates being insulted. Hates losing. He's very casual about alot of things he does.

He caused destruction in both the human and ghost world, the first thing he did upon entering Amity was completely destroy the ghost portal, with plans to destroy Vlad's. I'm not sure what his plan in the end was, but after destroying both portals, I must point out that Dan has the power to summon his own ghost portal with ease, a power I believe is quite rare, I think other than Dan only Wulf has it, though do feel free to correct me on that. So he would've been one of the only people who could go in or out

He was actively trying to/did ruin the lives of the ghosts he knew

Powers. Ohhh boy powers. When I started my DP rewatch my initial plan was to actually take note of every power Danny uses to know what he can do, and by extension Dan. I didn't. Oopsies. So most I can focus on here are what Dan shows in the episode, other than the obvious

I do like thinking on ice powers, and what that means with Dan, obviously he's never shown to know them as they're not introduced until season 3, the writers themselves didn't know it'd happen lol. But in universe, that's something to chew on, Dan never met Frostbite, so if he ever unlocked this power he would've had to figure out the problem and train it on his own, and then there's the potential that Dan never learned, and the ability for ice powers eluded him due to fusion. The ghost sense is a result of his ice powers after all, and Dan's ghost sense isn't a breath of cold blue air, so that could be a sign of this power being one he doesn't have

But moving onto more straightforward powers

Dan destroyed Amity Park in a very short amount of time, all on his own, as while the Fright Knight had been there after the shield went down, he's simply never seen again after that, makes me think Dan just ordered Fright Knight to chase Valerie to Fentonworks and leave after

Related to Amity Park, while there are other destroyed buildings around, the land surrounding the ghost portal is a completely barren wasteland, no doubt from Dan's attempts at destroying the forcefield over the years, and simply scaring residents.

One could argue Dan was the reason lighting was striking around the forcefield, weather manipulation I wouldn't doubt is in his wheelhouse, especially since he's shown to have electrocution powers, at least it looks that way to me

Dan has fire powers, at least immunity to fire. Fire rises after he enters the lab through the cracks he put in the floor, and when he's thrown into truck it bursts into flame. Both instances of the fire happening I suppose you call coincidence, but his immunity to fire at least is undeniable

Dan can force Danny to detransform, and shorted out Danny's powers while holding onto him. This is also the moment where it seems like mild electrocution

Dan can suspend people in ectoplasm, Sam and Tucker also seem frozen completely for a scene, and in a later scene move their heads n such around

He can use a time medallion to enter the exact time and place he needs/where Sam and Tucker went

He specifically used the word fused to describe putting the amulet in Danny, which I find interesting. Entering something while intangible seems to be what causes fusion. Though more to it than that since ghosts can possess other ghosts (or was that a special case since the only example I know is Poindexter possessing a still half ghost Danny🤔)

Dan can form ropes of ectoplasm that can wrap around and trap people, as well as using ecto energy to cover people's mouths to stop talking

Dan is very resilient, I mean, he literally flys through a light pole non-intagabily and doesn't even react. He, while injured from it, did pretty much tank 1 ghostly wail, and still got up after the second, but was weak enough after to be sucked into the thermos

Dan seems to have minor technology powers, nothing major, but like, he does make himself appear on Valerie's watch so he can tell her about the ghostly wail

The ghostly wail of course, which is naturally much stronger than Danny's version. Can destroy nearly all glass in future Amity Park, destroys all the ghost shield towers one by one in a line, makes the Fentonworks building fall down when directly hit. Flips tanks and makes helicopters lose control. Destroyed Ember's vocal cords somehow

He can duplicate himself very easily, and become one again with the same ease. He turns into to a gas form to dodge Valerie's grenades

---

I don't have the time to focus on his behavior in AGiT rn, but it lines up with my thoughts. I do like the confirmation that Dan wanted Danny to suffer as he had/didn't think it fair for Danny to get a second chance to save his family. And it deeply trapped by his own emotions and just unwilling to admit it. I can still skim the book to think about powers. I put AGiT powers in this own little section to be skipped if you don't want spoilers

-He 100% has fire powers no doubt about it now

-I should've described his ability to suspend people in ectoplasm as telekinesis

-Can make shields, usually briefly and by swiping his arm

-When Dan emerges from the rubble, he briefly turns it into lava, and then water, I cannot be sure if this is because of having Clockwork's powers, or just his own at work

-His powers seem to turn blue rather than green, but its hard to tell for certain. But we do know his fire is blue so it's not completely out

---

In conclusion I'm very normal about him and have watched TUE a reasonable amount of times thank you amd goodnight <3 (lying voice)

[blueisquitetired]

“What Went Missing” and “Things Lost and Found” unholy fusion.

You should probably read them both to understand everything, but tldr: Colress does some mind control

With guest appearances of my friends from discord! Including the author of “What Went Missing” herself- @the-digital-pen !

Emmet gets mind controlled, while in a separate universe Akari also gets mind controlled. But uh oh! Turns out Akari got sent to the incorrect future. Thankfully, benevolent Arceus sets her right…. While accidentally sending Colress with her. Now there’s two Colress’s with two brainwashed trainers and yup. The Colress’s are pretty jazzed about having someone to match their intellect and compare notes to each other.

Anyway, the two mind controlled trainers fixes one major problem in Colress #2’s plan- the fact he has to take care of a sniveling brat. It’s so easy! Just a bit of rewiring and there! Now she thinks Emmet is her dad. Emmet is given the vague task of “take care of her” when he’s not doing other stuff and now their hands are free to do science in peace.

And now Emmet has to to “take care of” a kid.

Of course, behind all the mind control, Emmet is a good human being so “take care of her” means things like: make sure she’s getting three meals a day, give the child physical affection, tell the child that she is loved, ask about how the child is doing, etc etc. He’s still super out of it and mostly going through the motions, but Akari is literally programmed not to notice and is pretty okay with this.

Other fun things include: because of the fact she calls him Dad, Emmet has slowly been internalizing that since it aligns with the orders he has been given. As far as his staticky brain is concerned he is both a shadow and her dad. not Emmet of course He also doesn’t know her name because no one bothered to tell him (the Colress’s just call her “the child” so he also calls her “the child”) (which slowly shifts to “my child” over time)

He also is getting pretty close to her subconsciously, the little bits of Emmet that are still in there are slowly growing to love his daughter verrrrry much. which makes it difficult when she starts to loose herself over time, both the part of him that cares and the “take care of her” part of him being lowkey distressed about her decline

(Also, imagine Emmet being ordered to hurt/kill her and has a psychotic break where he just crumples)

In the end Ingo would obviously get them out like in Pen’s fic- but now there’s an extra layer of Emmet’s early recovery days just constantly asking after his daughter (he keeps getting out of his hospital bed to find her and they usually have to transfer her over to his bed to get him to stay down)

Also, poor Ingo. Both his brother and daughter are mentally destroyed- and both are under the impression that Emmet is Akari’s dad. And while he’s glad Emmet was taking care of her, he definitely has complicated feelings about the replacement. And Emmet has to have the same crisis when he recovers enough to realize that his kid isn’t actually his

Also, I imagine in the relatively early days Akari releases all their Pokémon when they sleep and Emmet let’s her because that’s not breaking any orders, so they sleep in a big fluff pile that probably helps the mental well being of Emmet’s poor pokemon

For extra angst points consider: Emmet recovers a bit faster then Akari so he gets to be conscious while his (daughter?? Niece???) is completely out of it mentally

Extra extra angst: even after things get better Akari’s brain was so screwed up she legitimately can never tell them apart- even when they where different clothes. So they’re both just Dad to her- the nebulous entity that is both Ingo and Emmet

(Yes I use light mode. It’s funnier this way)

Emmet, wandering around the plasma frigate:

Colress: what are you doing

Emmet: looking for my child

Colress (kinda thrown about the MY part): uh… okay. Why?

Emmet: it is dinner time. She need to eat dinner

Colress (marveling at the strange scientific self evolving disaster he has created): ….she’s out. You can wait for her in your room

Emmet then precedes to sit in his room staring at a wall for six hours as he waits for his daughter to get home

Drayden: he only responds to either shadow or Dad. We chose the lesser of two evils

Emmet, who was checked into the hospital yesterday and just woke up for the first time: where’s my child it’s dinner time

Five nurses and Ingo trying to hold him down: Sir please

Nurse: you need to lay down

Emmet: where is my child teenagers need sleep

Nurse, sobbing: please

Someone grabs Akari from her own hospital bed and puts her on his and THEN he stays down

Emmet keeps getting up in the middle of the night because Akari told him she doesn’t like sleeping alone- hence why they sleep together in a giant Pokémon cuddle pile

Even when they’re in the same room the nurses have to pry him out of Akari’s hospital bed every morning

[cleverthylacine]

StarWave?

Before I answer, which Wave? I think you probably mean Soundwave but you could have also meant Shocky.

OK this is anon so you won’t know I asked.  I’ll just have to do both.

Starscream/Shockwave: maaaybe? could be fun! Mad science love affairs are always fun, and you know that each of them has at least one angle, usually more.  I would like to see this in a fic. I’m particularly fond of Shockwave discovers An Emotion fics so I am all for it.

Starscream/Soundwave: NOPE

This is almost NOTP for me, but it’s not as much of a NOTP as Cosmos/Soundwave is, so at least there’s that for ya?

First of all...Ravage/Soundwave is my OTP, except in Cyberverse where there’s no evidence Ravage ever existed. Now, Soundwave has two hands (and an immense number of cables even in G1 where you only see them a couple times). But I prefer that his other hand be attached to either Jazz or Megatron.

If they do it in Earthspark I will be very disappointed unless it’s a “Soundwave has two hands” situation involving both Ravage and Starscream.  I don’t know enough about ES Starscream to have an opinion on whether he is good enough for my space husband, but...Ravage/Soundwave is my absolute OTP, and in Earthspark, they have shown us all the cassettes giving up on Soundwave except Ravage. I know that it’s probably not going to happen because idiots will consider it bestiality despite the fact that she’s smarter than Bumblebee is, but that doesn’t mean that anything which replaces it will be easy for me to love.

In Cyberverse, Ravage doesn’t exist, but in Cyberverse, Starscream is the absolute worst, and Soundwave is as always the king mech of my heart. Plus, Soundwave and Hot Rod have hearts in their optics even at first when they’re still annoying each other, so in CV I ship Hot Rod/Soundwave, and yes, Soundwave has two hands, but CV Starscream is a Quint collaborator who tried to destroy their universe.  I like Starscream generally, but not this one.

In G1, I can’t see it.  Soundwave is deeply loyal to Megatron and Starscream keeps trying to murder him.

In Prime, people who write this are almost always Megatron haters and Autobot stans. And they make Soundwave helpless, which I hate. Megatron is pretty gross in TFP and he’s terrifying, but he respects Soundwave and they’re obviously very close. Every Starscream/Soundwave TFP fic I have ever read involves Megatron raping them both and usually getting one of them involuntarily pregnant, at which point they flee to Optimus and his amazing Autobot healing spike.  Gross. This makes me puke.

Megatron is an asshole when his brain is on dark energon, but he loves Soundwave at least as a friend, and since he was an ex-gladiator turned freedom fighter, I really don’t see Megatron raping anyone ever. Addictive, hard drugs make you do worse things than you’d ordinarily do, but usually they only make you do things completely outside your moral compass if you’re desperate to get them and someone else who has them is making you do that thing.

Ravage is canonically dead in TFP, but I like to think that Megs and Sounders both loved her and that this might even be part of what’s making Megs so whack, although he’s clearly not over his divorce from OP.

Anyhow, it’s possible that I could like this maybe if the people who wrote it weren’t always trying to make me pity them both and worship OP’s dick.

In IDW1, even Riptide, who is not on anyone’s top 10 IQ list, has managed to notice that Ravage was in a messy triad with Megatron and Soundwave and that Ravage is being forced to make a decision that Ravage does not want to make or acknowledge. The way Rav and Wave met in IDW is super romantic, and nothing shouts “broken triad” like telling your lover to go murder the other third of your triad when that person betrays you both and also you want to know which of you two she loves most.  Meanwhile, I don’t see enough interaction between Starscream and Ravage to have any basis for shipping them.

In TFA Soundwave is robot Pinocchio and not really Soundwave so who cares?

In the UT Soundwave is a Unicron agent and Starscream is desperately trying to be good so I don’t see that happening either.

[redrobin-detective]

Coming at you with a submit because I was thinking about Danny Phantom, and y'all, I had a fuckin' THOUGHT

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but I had a Thought and now I need to share it or my brain will combust. So. Reality Trip, right? A very fun episode, as far as I remember, other than the most painful "Status Quo is God" moment I've ever seen in a show right at the tail end of the episode. SO MUCH good character development, thrown the hell out like a sack of moldy potatoes. But you know the bit that I'm really bothered that we lost? That dawning moment of comprehension when jack and Maddie not only knew Danny's secret, but that he never trusted them with it. I mean, think about that moment! Imprisoned by Freakshow or whatever the heck his name is, and there they are, thinking about how Danny had been struggling alone with his half-ghostliness all this time, and wondering why he never thought tot ell them. Then in comes Jazz, not usually one to kick someone while they're down, but fuck it, she's had a long day, she's tired, she's out of fucks to give and she says "Oh I dunno, maybe it's because you talked about VIVISECTING HIM ON A DAILY BASIS WHY DO YOU THINK HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING" It's a golden moment, but then it just--drops off. We don't see them coping with that knowledge, that their own son was terrified of them and expected to be hated, tortured. We don't see the guilt of them realizing that they were obliviously discussing torturing and truly killing him over breakfast near every day, that he had to look at them from the wrong end of a gun they were carrying more than once. It gets ignored by the episode, right to the end, when they offer their love and acceptance, and Danny is delighted, right before he destroys near everyone's memories of the whole fiasco. He could have left his parent's alone, had that support and love he desperately needed, but he didn't. And if we look for an excuse other than "The writers didn't want to change or develop anything"--why would he do that? Because he still didn't trust them? Because he lived with that fear for so long that, though he intellectually knew they loved him and wanted to help him in spite of his ghost-ness, he emotionally couldn't accept that fact? Now, on to my fucking THOUGHT.

Suppose their memories didn't quite fade, not completely. Maybe, when Danny used the Infinity Gauntlet or whatever, he wiped the memories of everyone but himself, his friends, his sister--but, for his parents, some small, quiet part of his subconscious desperately wanted that acceptance still, and the memory wipe ended up impermanent. Everything went back to normal, but Jack and Maddie were left with the odd sense that something was...off. A lack of interest in hunting Phantom. Horrible guilt when looking their son in the eyes. A sudden, subtle aversion to touching their ecto-weaponry. And as the days go by, their memories would trickle back in, until they remember entire thing, right up to Danny using the gauntlet to wipe their memories. And all they can do is try not to crumble under the realization that Danny didn't feel safe enough around them to trust them with their memories intact. Even after their attempt to reach out, he was still afraid of them. It makes a horrible sort of sense, they know. They've been unintentionally, unknowingly, terrifying him for some time now. You don't get over that overnight. They don't tell Danny that they know. Not right away. But things begin to change. He gets home way too late as Fenton, tries to come up with a half-baked excuse as to what kept him from home so long. His dad looks up briefly, but turns his attention to some contraption he's busy tinkering with. (Jack caught a brief glimpse of a vicious bruise beneath the hem of Danny's shirt. He looks away. He doesn't trust himself to keep his expression under control.) Danny doesn't get the scolding he expects. His dad reaches out to ruffle his hair and gently tells him to take a shower and get some rest, he does have school tomorrow, after all. When Danny gets to bed, he finds a warm heat pack waiting for him. He assumes its from Jazz. Later, Danny brings his report card home. Middling or failing grades. He braces himself when he shows it to his mother. He's too busy looking at his feet to see the flicker in Maddie's expression, something pained, that lasts all of a second before fading into something resembling a gentle sternness. She simply suggests avenues for him to try if he's having trouble with the material.

And it goes on, over the weeks. Phantom spots Jack and Maddie at his fights, sometimes. But they don't fight him. They barely look at him. He doesn't notice right away, but slowly, they stop using ecto-guns. Soon the really dangerous weaponry is hidden away in lockers, reserved only for really bad circumstances. The surgical tools are completely gone. They stop talking about dissection altogether. Danny, as distracted as he is by his obligations, doesn't notice right away. But eventually, notice he does.

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

S3 ep5

Current emotional status: FEAR

Cthulu Max has been on the rampage for a whole week!?

Ew, the narrator

Oh man, are they sending the airforce after him?

I really like Cthulu Max's design

Momma Bosco 💗

Oh hey, Norrington and Papierwaite are alive.

Superball are you saying you tried to send the Maimtrons up Max's--

Also he's acting president while Max is... deposed of.

Superball is only giving Sam until 6am :(

Featherly!

"Wandering around the moleman tunnels is no fun without Max."

"You got it all wrong, we're trying to help Max." "We will help him... to a generous serving of ass whooping."

"That is one rabbit who will be multiplied... into 2,000 smoldering pieces."

Carol ran off with Blustet

"I only want her to be happy, is all." Aw, Curt

Superball just admitted to having separation anxiety from Max

Ok Momma can't come but Papierwaite and Norringron can.

I like Norrington :)

GASP

Is it?

It is!

SYBIL!!!!

RETURN OF THE QUEEN

Oh, she is very pregnant

She was a wizard at one point?

She's gonna help!

Superball there's no such thing as acceptable losses

Abe has his body back

"Four score and seven tons of raw power"

HE CAN FLY NOW!?

Sybil, I love you, but why did you mod someone else's car???

Grandpa Stinky I love you

Oh, he just handed us the recipe for once.

Asdfff the spore maxes swarming Grandpa

They stole Grandpa's hotdogs

"We must feed the host! Piglets and sphinkters make us stronger!" "We regret nothing!"

Grandpa hasn't slept in three years

Sam just casually taking the last of Grandpa's corndogs

The spores are trying to get it

Lol Sam slapped them

Sal's alive!

He's hiding from Sam :(

Lol we can control Cthulu Max with Corndogs

Ew, the cornstarch got mixed in with the giant puddle 🤢 Looks gross

Love how Sybil completely ignores the Flaming Max head

Also the look of disappointment on the spore's face made me laugh

Fifth trimester???

The way the one Max spore by Grandpa's truck is bobbing in circles with his mouth open is making me laugh.

Sam showing concern for Sybil because she’s preggers 🥺

Her being pregnant with Abe's child implies that statues have working genital in this universe

She put a weiner scented airfreshener in the desoto

At least Sam and a Max spore seem to like that (of course they do)

"Sybil you're the best!" Hell yeah she is!

Sam's mind went to the color bar codes to prevent being traumatized by Sybil's oversharing

We drowned the desoto

Asdfgh Sam just botched slapped one of the spores for trying to say "that's none of your damn buisness."

Ew, Max's spine is pointing out

Oh hey, Satan and Jurgen

Why is Jurgen wearing his old fashioned clothes instead of his emo clothes?

Lol Sam snuck into frame to shout "Go Mets! New York rules!"

"--besides it's just a good and noble thing to do." "You're not familiar with my previous work, are you?"

"Sam, what happened to you to make you so cynical?" Gee, Jurgen, I wonder what could have possibly happened.

Oh so the water tower counts as vegetable oil because Momma did something to it

Pfft we can replace Satan's microphone with a corndog

Omg they jumped off the building to avoid Max

Oh, they're fine, and the oil is in the giant puddle.

I'm thankful to Featherly for giving us an egg but I'd have preferred not to watch him lay it. Granted it was just in a cartoon way but he still made weird noises

Also TRANS FEATHERLY 2021

"I desperately wanted to see that, sir. Ask him if he'll lay another one."

Oh hey, the Flaming Max heads helped heat up the giant desoto corndog

Since I'm playing this in 2021 the Maimtron's song references are super dated, which defeats Superball's efforts

Oooh! A unique opening sequence???

Oh this music is jazzy af

Sam really doesn't like the Max spores

Sam how do you already know what Max's insides look like???

"Even when he's not a collasal monster Max's food comas can last for weeks."

Ok we wake Max up with the coffee beans, right?

Yup!

The gi Max spore is so sad he doesn't get to come 😢

"But I'm a horrible monster!"

"I suppose Max's brain always looks like a living room?" "Well, Max is host to all kinds of weird parasites, and he likes to he a good host!" WHAT

No really, this brings up so many questions about lagomorphs. Are they some kind of Symbiote or something?

And a previous episode confirmed Max is amphibious

Max has tumors!!!

It shocked Sam!

"Eugh! Get away fake Max!" "Do you find my warmth... alarming, Sam?"

"What do nightmares taste like, anyway?" "Pepsi"

Max wants to be author 💗

He also writes fanfiction about Flint 🤣

I'd unironically read his books.

Tina Belcher voice: Friend fiction

Max has an experimental fusion jazz band???

"He just killed a great white shark--"

Max being completely unable to describe a woman is very gay of him. Good for him.

Max's brain teleported everyone to different parts of the body.

Found Sybil in the gym/legs

The brain is broadcasting Sam's thoughts???

Sam couldn't think of a joke for the medicine balls :(

"Wow Max is looking pretty buff. Would it be too weird if I asked him to turn around?"

Sam! Stop thinking bad things about Sybil's pregnancy she can hear you you putz!

She's upset with him now

"Can you believe this guy?" "I find the entire situation to be very contrived and misogynistic." Same spore Max, same.

Sam stop being so mean omg!

"I changed Sybil, I totally get the whole parenthood thing now." "Really now?" "Tax deductions."

In Max's inventory now

Y'know, I never really thought about it as a storage house

Hit The Road reference :3

Baby roach hatched in

"Pa..papa?" "Now I am little champion, now I am!"

Max has a Maximus shrine

Sam turned into a roomba!

Aw, he named it Sam Jr 🥺

We won Sybil back through his love of Sam Jr

Found the conjoined twins

Huh, Max lost as eye. Does that mean he has a glass one, or do lagomorphs have regenerative abilities?

Pfft we have to play twister to control his arma

The brain is messing with things again

Oh, we need a roach to operate the game because of radiation

Well, let's kidnap Sal

Oh, poor Girl Stinky. She's really going through it

Aw, Sal feels bad

Sal?

Honey, are alright?

He's dying???

He's not immune to irradiation!?

Oh no, he's gone

I'm so sad 😞

Gotta pick up Sam Jr. Before I control Max

They mad Max do a magical girl pose

Ugh the narrator is back

Wait, what?

He's Max's brain??? SUPEREGO???

WHAT

"I was always ignored" Yo if my super ego was as pretentious as you I 'd ignore it too 😤

He wants to kill himself and Max???

I know Max had a self loathing complex but holy shit

The super ego is perfectly fine with destroying half the east coast what a jerk

Just noticed Sam's tie is red. Had no idea about this while drawing PI!Sam lol

We have to help Max get his memories back to use the ASTRO projector

Skunkapes has three Sam clones imprisoned

Sam had canon ocd?

Gasp Gordon???

No, it's Sammun Mak

I love him, little child tyrant

Just make him a mobile brain in a jar and let Sam and Max adopt him

Why is Grandpa here?

He isn't talking like Stinky

Too polite

Sam sees it too

He's a space gorilla

They switched brains?

Found the cloning g chamber

Let's go to Momma's first

CONE OF SHAME CONE OF SHAME CONE OF SHAME

Superball is "wracked with guilt"

"Keep it together Superball. Sam will be able to save the day. He always does."

Ok, let's go to the cloning facility

I'm still thinking about poor Sal yo

FLIIIIIINT!

He's punching space apes!

Girl Stinky really playing up the evil Mistress role

The doggleganger has a bomb on him!!!

Wait so Girl really is a mermaid??? I thought that was just her aestetic

God I love Flint

Haha we tricked Skunkape with scooby doo villain tactics

Got the robot

Her water broke... and it was pennies

Max wants to save Sybil! 😭🥺💕

Super Ego is here

Oh now he wants to save Max

The only thing here are those records

Super Ego waved goodbye

Cthulu Max is cute when he cries

Wait What?

His head is on fire!

The maimtron hit him!

He waved goodbye... and teleported away.

He exploaded!!!!

He promised he'd take Sam with him and he didn't!!!!

AAAAAAH

I thought the dead Max thing was popular angst fanon fic thingy!

We're cloning Max?

It didn't work 😭😭😭😭😭

Superball ran off crying

Oh God the credits are just Sam walking sadly what the hell

He's not even stopping to fight any crime 😢

💔💔💔

God the way he's clinging to himself

What?

The elevator???

MAAAAX

he's back???

Past Max???

He blew his Sam up???

Wait hold on I'm glad they're together again but this doesn't fix anything

There's so much trauma from this season

All the horrible things that happened during 301-304 happened in like 3 days tops, then Sam had to deal with Max being a monster for a week before watching him die!

And the new (?) Max had BLOW HIS SAM UP!!!

And they left the franchise like that for a decade????

What the hell?

I want to be happy but this shit is going to consume my brain for the next week at least what the hell

Aaaaaaah!

Like maybe they really do just brush it off but it feels unlikely

I know Max has a connection with his other selves so it'll be easier for him to adjust but certainly Sam is going to notice the discrepancies since he doesn't get the same deal

Someone told me there were multiple endings hold on

Aw, they walked off into the sunrise together

But still

AAAAAAAAH

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 06

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 2.7k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Another part :D please let me know what you think and all that jazz. If you enjoyed it, please consider reblogging to let others find it too! :)

; Flower Masterpost

-

You don’t get very long to swoon over the date to yourself, for the very next morning you wake up to an abundance of texts from your two very impatient best friends. It’s a wonder your phone has any battery left given how many messages they’d sent into the group chat you all shared and it’s with more than a little bemusement that you respond to them both by asking if they’d sent enough.

That had only inspired a barrage of even more messages, leading to you simply telling them both to come over. They would have done that anyway, you knew that, but the official invitation at least gave them the excuse that they were wanted.

Which they were, because of course you wanted to gush and squeal to them along with analyse every bit of the previous nights date. It had been too late when you came home for them to come over and you’d felt tired, bone-weary even. Unlike your effervescent friends, you often liked to say that you had a social battery.

You were happy to socialise with people you got on with and understood until that battery depleted, upon which you simply wanted to go home and recharge. People took a lot out of you, and events like last night were particularly draining for you due to your nerves.

As such, you’d gone to sleep at 11pm and ended up sleeping straight through till 10am, completely oblivious to the impatience of your best friends. But now they were here, in the living room of your small apartment and practically sitting on you in their desperation to hear all about your night of debauchery.

That was a joke, they knew you well enough to know that would never happen.

Though they had been thoroughly entertained by his dick vomit story. Poor guy. He hadn’t even met them and now he was forever associated with a story like...that. You’d apologise whenever you saw him again, or at least before they ever got to introduce themselves.

Still, it was fun though as you retold the events of the night to them. They were charmed by the fact he’d taken you to an escape room and you knew that it meant a lot to them that he’d been so careful and sweet regarding your shy personality. The fact that you were talking about him with such enthusiasm and that tiny smile that said you were trying to hold back a grin told them everything and you sensed their overwhelming happiness for you.

“I can’t believe you went on a rant about to milk an almond.” Chungha groans, dainty hand slapping at her forehead before she runs her fingers through her long, ice-blonde hair. Her face was completely empty of makeup but you’d already promised her that you’d do it for her later. She had a date herself tonight, which you and Soyeon were pleased about.

Unlike you though, she’d met this guy through her work. You hoped it would be good for her though, even if boyfriends did often take your friends away from you for a while. 

“Well he started it. Or did I? I don’t remember. Either way, he completely agreed with me. The first people to do things must have been truly wild. I mean, think about it. Who was the first person to look at a cow’s udder and go ‘...I’m gonna have me some of that!’” You point out, eyes wide as you tried to convince them of your point.

Both of them just stared at you before Soyeon sighed deeply, flopping back onto the couch and shifting until her fluffy sock covered feet were in your lap. You pushed at them lightly, nose turning up but she ignored you completely, just letting out a deep groan.

“I mean...you’re not wrong. It is weird. But that is so not first date conversation!” She lets out another groan that sounds almost like it comes from her stomach and you feel your body heat up in embarrassment.

“Well he didn’t complain. If anything, he encouraged it. Asked me how do you milk an oat?” Your voice is defensive, lips pursed in a petulant pout and there’s silence from them both for a minute. And then Chungha is running her fingers down your arm with a defeated smile, shaking her head.

“It sounds like you’ve got a winner there girl.” Everything goes quiet for a few minutes after that and you feel the stirring of anxiety and panic in your stomach that you’d done something wrong. It only takes the tiniest signal from your brain before your body goes into overdrive, muscles tightening while everything feels like a livewire and your mind begins to run over the date obsessively, picking over anything that you think you were too forward or stupid on.

Anything to prove that you’d made an idiot out of yourself and that you would never hear from Jung Hoseok again.

“Do you think I messed up?” The words are so soft, every syllable laced tightly with fear and worry as you stare down at the fuzzy pink socks Soyeon is wearing. They have prancing unicorns on them and pretty rainbows. You’d bought her them for Christmas last year and had a matching pair of your own in your extensive sock drawer.

The two of them don’t need to be experts to hear the vulnerability in your voice and they’ve both known you long enough to know that your mind is compulsively finding ways to convince you that everything went wrong. That Hoseok had been weirded out by you and didn’t want to see you again, despite his commitment to texting you.

Guys did that, didn’t they? Said they’d text or call and never did.

Maybe it was a stereotype or something. Who knows. But the sickness in your stomach tells you that it’s probably true here.

“Hey, hey no. Don’t do this. Don’t do it sweetie, don’t you dare take a good and fun date like that and twist it negative in that pretty head of yours. It genuinely sounds like you both had a great time. And you said yourself that he didn’t complain about your conversations, he even encouraged them and went along with you! He sounds like a great guy!” Chungha says earnestly, grasping your hand tightly between her own and squeezing with an encouraging smile.

Soyeon pokes at your stomach with a toe, giving you her own smile from where her head rests on the large Pusheen pillow that sits with pride on your couch. You hate touching feet so you don’t do anything, simply give her a glare that just causes her to smile prettily.

Unlike Chungha, she has nothing this afternoon so has decreed that she will be spending her time with you instead. You both had a ton of true crime documentaries to watch on Netflix!

“He does. And he walked you to your car. Besides all that, you sound into him. Don’t talk yourself out of it.” Chewing on your lip, you let out a quiet hum and shrug your shoulders. As much as you love your best friends, it was sometimes frustrating when all you wanted to do was vent and be negative when they were so persistent on cheering you up.

You knew why they were doing it, and you appreciated it. But getting out of your slumps had always been hard. And your mind found it far easier to destroy happy moments than to let go of the negative.

“Yeah but…” Chungha places her hand over your mouth gently, pressing just hard enough that you can’t say anything before raising her brows with a soothing smile. 

“No but’s. They’re not allowed in this conversation. Not unless you want to tell us what his butt was like. I mean...did you see it? Not naked obviously, but like...you know...in his jeans. Some guys have amazing asses.” And with that, you chuckle, the looming aura of sadness still prevalent inside you but momentarily pushed aside as you recall her ex. He had indeed been blessed with an ass.

“Ahh...unfortunately not. He looks like one of those guys who’s...moderately blessed in that department. Not that I was looking. Well I was totally looking. But he fills his jeans nicely, so there’s that.”

“Yeah but he has tattoos and piercings. That makes up for any lack of bubble butt. Besides, you don’t wanna date a guy with a better ass than you. That’s just depressing. Think of the squat envy you’d have.” That comes from your splayed out friend, slapping her own thighs with a pout and you roll your eyes at her, thoroughly amused.

“Please, you don’t have to worry about any butt envy or anything. Your ass is fine. My ass has too much going on anyway, maybe I should give some to him.” You lightly pinch Soyeon’s leg, laughing as she yelped and then pouted at you, rubbing at the place before waving her feet in your face.

Immediately you’re recoiling away, landing almost on top of Chungha who just watches you both playfight with exasperation.

“Maybe so, but it’s nice to have something to grip you know? Both male and female.” Soyeon says with a grin, wiggling her brows at you suggestively and you heat up at the idea of grabbing Hoseok’s ass like that. And then you think about him grabbing yours and you can practically feel the ghost of his hands on you.

It makes you shudder in delight, the fantasy a wonderful image and Soyeon giggles as she feels the movement from you.

“Oooh, you like that. You wanna touch Hoseok’s ass?” She teases and you stick your tongue out at her childishly.

“Okay...in the interest of honesty...I want to lick every tattoo he has until I’ve committed them all to memory and then just...bite him. Anywhere. I don’t even care where. Oh god, his neck. Guys...his neck is just so freaking...urgh. And his fingers! Argh, they’re just...long and perfect and all I could think was…” You break off then, body heating as you squirm at the thought of everything you’d just said while you press your hands to your hot cheeks, embarrassed at what you’d blurted out.

Everything was the truth and you knew that they could tell. What you most certainly were not telling them was that you’d imagined tracing along his tattoos with your tongue. Which had then led on to a delightful fantasy of him pleasuring you with his own tongue, that delightful ball piercing combining with those long fingers in your mind until his name had been a gasped prayer of satisfaction and pleasure in the quietness of the night.

And then suddenly your phone vibrates, the sound loud on the table in front of you and all three of you jump in alarm at it. There’s a moment of silence before you all look at each other and laugh, feeling ridiculous that you’d all gotten scared of a phone notification of all things.

Reaching out, you grunt as Soyeon accidentally kicks you in the stomach before your fingers grasp your phone. Your friends were adamant that your phone case was uncool, but you didn’t care. You liked the flip phone case, the design a cute and overly cartoonish strawberry in hot pink and mint green.

Eyes widening, you stare at the lit-lock screen in disbelief before Chungha is poking at your arm, leaning over to try and see what’s got you so shocked.

“What is it? Has your dad accidentally posted in your family chat again?” Yeah, he was never living that moment down when he’d accidentally sent a sext that was supposed to be for your mom into your family group chat. “Is it...oh my god. It’s him! Soyeon! He’s texted!”

Her squeal is appallingly loud, causing you to turn and glare at her yet you can’t find it in yourself to shush her. Because you want to squeal loudly as well as she’s right, it’s Hoseok. He’s texted. Like he said he was.

“Isn’t it supposed to be too over eager to text the next day?” Is all you say, your tone confused and you recognise that what you’ve just said it stupid. But you can’t think properly right now because all you feel is pure elation that sizzles and crackles in your veins, the nausea of panic earlier to now turn into nausea of excitement while you try your hardest not to smile.

He’d texted. Just like he said he would.

“Oh shut up woman. Are you seriously gonna turn him down messaging you?! This a sign he likes you! Really likes you! It’s not even noon and the man is trying to talk with you again! Answer him!” Soyeon says and you realise that she’s gotten up, peering over your shoulder at your phone screen as well.

Quietly, you unlock your phone and read the message from him a few times before licking your lips and responding.

Jung Hoseok [11:23am]: Hi. So...about that Instagram?

Jung Hoseok [11:23am]: Also, I know you’re not meant to double text but...last night was fun.

The second text comes in before you can properly respond and your eyes widen, noting that he seems to be pretty eager just like they’d said. Or at least...being polite.

Y/N [11:24am]: Hi...same. Hope I wasn’t too...weird

You send him your Instagram handle as well, wondering whether or not you’d posted any dumb photos on there recently. Before you can get too worked up over it though, you push the thought firmly away and decide that he’ll just have to put up with it. He didn’t seem to have been bothered by your quirks last night, and if he wanted to pursue anything further then you’d rather he realise sooner than later.

Jung Hoseok [11:26am]: Nah, you were fine. Best first date I’ve ever had

Jung Hoseok [11:27am]: I also found this out this morning and thought you’d like to hear, Fact Queen

Jung Hoseok [11:29am]: Did you know...Stan Lee almost made the Power Rangers. Saw it on a documentary I’m watching

Y/N: [11:30am]: The Toys That Made Us? On Netflix? It’s great!

Jung Hoseok [11:32am]: It is! Thought I’d tell you anyway

Y/N [11:33am]: :)

He goes quiet after that and you realise that your friends have both been sat silent, holding their breath as they read the conversation between you both. And when you look at them, your eyes widen when you see the matching broad grins they wear.

There’s a second of hesitation before they both squeal and wrap their arms around you tightly, squeezing you so hard.

“Oh my god! He so likes you! He gets you! Oh my god! Girl! You’ve lucked out!!” Chungha shrieks, shaking you violently by the shoulders while Soyeon is slapping your arm lightly in her excitement. Their positive energy is infectious and you find yourself laughing in response, the happiness inside you bubbling higher at Hoseok’s words.

He’d enjoyed last night. Really enjoyed it, if he was to be believed.

And not only did he not mind your weird sense of humour or fact based response mechanism, but he reciprocated it with something he thought you might find interesting. It made you feel warm and gooey.

Another vibration causes you to look down at your phone again, noting that there’s no new message this time from him. Instead, you see that someone called ‘jungsevenfold’ has followed you on Instagram.

Clicking on it, you see that it’s Hoseok’s profile. And just like his Facebook, it’s a hodgepodge of casual photos of him and his friends and more artistic and aesthetic photography shots. Shyly, you follow him back and then note the notifications that pop up on the bottom.

“Oh...my god. This guy is gonna be whipped for you.” Soyeon snorts and you heat up in embarrassment, wanting to deny her but unsure how to.

Because he’d already viewed and liked at least 5 of your images. And he’d even left a comment on the photo you’d taken before you left for the date last night, the angle and light perfect to make your make-up and outfit look its best.

jungsevenfold: beautiful! :)

[retphienix]

I Have A Lot To Say So I'll Read More This.

The short of it?

I'm glad I played Joker- I played it because I wanted to know how DQM evolved when it reached the DS and I got my answer.

It's mediocre. Not bad exactly, I enjoyed playing it, it adds some REALLY appreciated features to the DQM series and if you were playing it at release it had online play which plays well with the post game content which I haven't touched by the time I wrote this:

-but there are some engine/console specific things that made it a drag and there are some parts of the game that are just weaker than the previous games which is amusing since the previous games were simple GBC titles.

And finally, I don't really recommend playing through Joker 1. Can't speak on the sequels, but Joker 1 was a pretty middling experience for me so I'm the wrong person to get a positive recommendation from.

And since the opportunity presents itself: If you like monster RPGs and haven't tried it- go emulate Dragon Warrior Monsters 2 for the GBC, it's really good and also if you emulate you can fast forward the GBC era grind if that's your taste- really a win all around.

On to my rambling:

I debated on writing, rewriting, rewriting, and better presenting my thoughts on this game and the series as a whole but nah, Joker ain't getting that, I'm ramblin'- lol

I will split it slightly between "The ending" and "The game as a whole" though.

Ending:

1:07 - This is slightly a 'game a a whole' thing but honestly it's funny to me that you unlock a permanent repel in this game by doing the main quest. I entered this dungeon feeling strong enough to beat the game, so I just avoided 90% of encounters entirely.

5:00 - I genuinely got a laugh out of Sparkpug's whole deal in this finale. Not story wise, that's fine, no complaints- I mean that Sparkpug is clearly built to be a monster that can carry an ineffective team. He's clearly meant to be bred a few times and a god tier member of a potentially inexperienced player's team- but I literally never used him after the intro.

So during this scene it's supposed to be like "I'm a demi-god monster, you can't possibly beat me" and I'm thinking "Dude, you're like level 10 and shit tier, you can't win, this is hilarious."

Obviously it's a real boss fight and not 'face the monster you once had' but I was having fun roasting him behind the scenes of this recording.

45:00 - What an entirely unexpected change of pace.

Like, I had it spoiled for me by a screenshot that Dr. Snap becomes a monster or something- but I thought maybe he was always a monster or something, and also I got a bad look at him.

HE TURNS INTO A BODY HORROR BEAST, THAT'S NUTS.

Genuinely a highlight of the game.

52:00 - I fucking laughed what a meaningless exchange where the payoff is saying "He was stupid!", it's honestly just silly and dumb but not necessarily bad just dumb lol

55:00 - Not a great 'you won' victory lap. Like at all. Kinda feels like they should have just made this all a cutscene where I appear back at town and see that Solitaire is the leader now etc etc.

I kinda don't understand why it's a victory lap at all? Because all anyone says is "They picked a weird successor to Snap >:(" or "Snap went to the island? I bet he was stopping the calamity :)"

If you have 2 lines of dialogue prepared, maybe don't make a victory lap???

1:00:00 - What a fucking stupid payoff lol

Like sincerely, Solitaire does NOTHING the entire game! She's meaningless from start to finish! And the 'surprise' is that she's the new commish??? And she got the position because she's a rich spoiled brat??? Like LITERALLY that's why????????

What a stupid fucking ending lol

Now her proposed evolution of the contest is fair enough, I mean it's childish as hell, but to be fair- more contests is a fine idea especially since prior games and this game demonstrated the public's interest in watching monster fights. And the goal being to fight her as the final fight is fucking egotistical and stupid- BUT- it does play into the fact that the player didn't get to fight her the whole game so it's whatever?

1:03:00 - This is both the best and worst lol.

This game has no story, like at all, it's fucking empty front to back, and only explodes with like- 1 event at the very end.

This moment is a montage of memorable moments with your 'best friend' Sparkpug. It's cinematically very nice to be honest! Even includes a moment I don't remember at the arena which probably didn't happen lol.

So visually it's cool- I dig seeing the camera zoom out as we run across the beach, and the flashback moments intersplice over us making our way to the scout memorial- that's very well done.

The content is empty lol

As I said there's no story, these moments are nothing lol

And that's that.

All said the ending was a very nice challenge to face with my team- I had to abuse items like mad but I MADE IT! It was a GOOD fight.

The rest I've already said.

On to the game as a whole:

I have issues with this game, but there's good too. It's really like 4 steps forward 6-7 steps back it's weird, it's really weird.

Positives are neat!

> First and foremost- TRAITS!

Monsters in Dragon Quest Monsters have always had a problem with keeping their identity for long. The way I'd explain it to an outsider to the series is that Monsters DO have special stat variance and intended movesets and all that jazz- but the breeding system completely and entirely destroys that relatively early into the game.

While a monster might normally have really high defense and low other stats while knowing buffing magic- breeding, EVEN UNINTENTIONALLY, will have that same monster come out with 9 billion attack and all ice magic.

Monsters in DQM have a habit of becoming canvases for the breeding effects rather than their own mons- and this is undeniably a downside. It makes the game feel unique, it doesn't 'hurt' it, but when by mid-game monsters are more easily identified as sprites rather than strengths and weaknesses or even types (family) it's a slight downer on the series.

Traits fix this a lot by making every specific monster have unchangeable traits which offer things like "immunity to x type of damage" or "higher crit chance"- it's small, but it gives each monster more identity.

> Second and secondmost- SKILLS!

The older games didn't use trees, it used each individual spell as a potential pass on during breeding.

Each monster could have 8 spells, and when you breed two monsters you pass on all 16 spells to the offspring (they don't learn them all at once, they learn them as they level up) as well as the natural spells the monster would learn by level up.

So in the older games it is really easy to end up with a refined and overpowered list of 8 spells on each of your monsters.

Now spells are tied to Skill trees and your monsters can have 3 skill trees total (which are passed on as OPTIONS when breeding).

All to say skills do a lot for removing the "Master of all, weakness of none" spell lists that the older games made trivial to make, now you have to limit your builds and be more specialized- also they added skills like "Attack up" to add more variance to a build- instead of having spells you might just have high stat buffs as skill trees.

Overall I think Skills are an improvement because coupled with Traits it makes each monster feel much more specialized and unique and less like a sprite with no identity.

> Breeding is improved.

This is very much because of skills and traits- again- but also the system is just improved in general. Instead of being told "That's a monster you haven't had before!" and judging your decisions based on the name of the offspring breed, now you get to see a small sprite of the resulting monster to help you decide- ALSO instead of getting 1 result for every combo (to the point where you have to back out and choose Monster A + Monster B and Monster B + Monster A as separate options), you now get up to 3 results to pick between for every breeding opportunity.

It's just better.

> The engine is impressive.

At least to me. This is a DS title using (from what I read) a rework of the DQ8 PS2 game's engine- it certainly looks like it.

Combat models are nice, using moves looks nice, overworld exploration looks nice- it looks nice.

Now for some negative and general nonsense- all of which is more often than not 'weird'.

> I gotta be unfair and say "The Story" first and foremost.

DQM 1 and 2 are not intense story games. They aren't.

But they both knew how to handle their story well for what they wanted to tell, I can and will praise both for their narratives because they know what they are and do it well.

DQM:J does not. It's fucking bad.

Basically: The overall story doesn't exist- you're told to be a spy, but that comes up 1 time towards the end of the game and LITERALLY doesn't matter at any other moment INCLUDING the one time it comes up.

You have NO meaningful objective from the start up until near the end of the game. You show up and have no goal- so you get told to get some crystals with no meaning behind it (not even a lie because they are clearly evil- not even a lie to motivate you! NO MEANING IS PRESENTED! JUST DO IT! TO DO THE CONTEST I GUESS! WHY? SHUT UP!)

So 90% of the game time you're not doing anything meaningful. So what about the islands? Any small narratives to keep things moving?

NO!

NOT AT ALL!

So you go 90% of the game having no real objective, just kinda wandering forward mindlessly- and then the game suddenly goes "Oh! Guy who seemed sus! He's evil! He's gonna unleash the calamity that you were 'kinda but not directly' working towards with your dog! You know, that plot point that's kept vague and paid 0% attention to the entire game? Yeah it's happening! Aaaaand you're done! GG!"

Basically there's just nothing going on in this game, it's all background noise until the last 10% of the game. And that's lame.

DQM1 had a light story- but from the very intro cutscene you have a clear objective which makes every action you do seem relevant as you are working towards that goal.

From the start of the game you know "My sister is gone! The king says a magic wish can get her back! I'll go do that!" and then you do!

DQM2 has a much better story!

You have a goal from the start (The kingdom is physically dying and you have to save it by getting a new plug!) AND it has stories for each world you visit!

THAT'S MILES BETTER! THIS GAME COULD HAVE DONE THAT FOR THE ISLANDS!

Anywho. Story is lacking and empty and lame especially when DQM2 has a similar format but does every part better- you have a clear objective you're working towards AND side stories to keep the light narrative moving!

WTH!

The spy plotline doesn't matter! It could have been used to build suspicion on who's the good guy!

The islands are so empty of story!

DQM2 has a fun mix on how a rival character works which makes every world interesting to see how they get involved!

This game has a rival that does NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

It's just such a step back from the previous games, it's weird to see DQM 1 land a solid simple story and DQM 2 build a great format to expand the story going forward- and then DQM:J just slams its head into the dirt and wipes out.

> Game's slow.

The engine switch is a good thing overall, but it makes combat slower (a lot), adds loading screens to combat (primarily), and they didn't bother speeding up the grind from previous games.

Because of the grind still existing which isn't a problem in and of itself- the game becomes SLOW AS HELL because the engine makes that grind take longer.

Also world exploration is slow which is to be expected when moving from 2d to 3d, but this is countered by adding things to the world to find or do- and Joker tries but it's still noticeable. The world exploration isn't a problem, it just stands out alongside the combat being slow as hell.

The engine change was a great thing- but it feels like they should have put more work into speeding up combat to counter the slowdown of load times and flashy animations.

A GOOD WAY TO FIX THAT MIGHT BE XP!

> Music ain't great in my opinion.

DQ has amazing music. This game has some weak renditions in my opinion. The CELL HQ theme song is a pretty good poster child for the worst there is, but just in general even the better music is lacking compared to the chiptunes of the GBC or the better mixes of the main series.

Maybe it's unfair, it's a DS game, I don't know, I just know I ended up just muting most of the game because it didn't sound great. I played the GBC games OSTs instead for a large portion of my playthrough. I listened to videos instead for the bulk of the game.

It's just not pleasant to me, sorry to say.

> XP!!!!!!!

I'm being a spoiled ass on this but yeah!

XP SUCKS IN THIS!

There aren't good placed to grind until you beat the game! (apparently)

The first level blatantly has too low xp which makes you grind before you can tackle the boss of the island- and the late game has you mindlessly grinding low xp rewards in order to be ready to face the final boss.

It's WEIRD!

Why is it so low!

> Tech is weird!

I could ramble on this alone but here's the short version:

DQ has a unique fantasy world aesthetic that each game has explored in its own way. It's basically "swords, magic, monsters, and charm- things feel light but aren't afraid to get scary sometimes :)"

This game... doesn't.

This game has fuckin' tech watches, jet skis, TOWER PCS????

This ISN'T dragon quest on a world building level.

It's like, contemporary modern world but with slimes.

And that could be good I guess, but it feels so fucking weird to see PCs right alongside swords and axes and a dracky.

Like... why?

It's a poor aesthetic according to my tastes. Maybe I'm an ass for that. The tech is weird.

All to say, in a poor rambling "I gotta get this out of me" kinda way, is Joker was fine.

I enjoyed breeding. I enjoyed seeing the engine. I enjoyed the unique additions like a 'hero monster'.

But I also had to grind mindlessly on a slower game.

I had to endure a story that forgot to show up until the very end.

I sat there thinking about replaying the older ones the whole time.

It was fine.

It's mediocre.

I'm glad I played it.

I'm done now :)

[kmalexander]

The 2020 Cosmic Horror Holiday Gift Guide

The phrase “Black Friday” has a more menacing tone in 2020—especially here in the United States. Hopefully, you’re following the advice of the experts, staying home, laying low, wearing masks, and washing your hands. But a pandemic shouldn’t stop gift giving! So, once again, I took some time and assembled my List of Lists for 2020. In it, you’ll find a plethora of paraphernalia for the weird-fiction fanatic, cosmic-horror connoisseur, or mythos maniac in your life. As with previous years, I’ve worked to assemble a list of exceptional items for all ages and budgets.

There’s a few changes this year. First, I’m now linking to IndieBound for all books. Please do what you can to support your local bookshops and small businesses. Odds are they can get you anything Amazon can, and it’ll help out your community. Secondly, where possible, I’m also linking to the author’s personal webpages. Check them out. Follow them. It’s a nice way to stay current with what’s happening in the world of weird fiction. Please remember, while I’ve ordered these by price, the prices and availability are subject to change. I don’t have any control over that. Happy shopping!

 QUICK LINKS 

• Books • Music • Apparel • Games • • Housewares • Miskatonic •

Books

Mother Hydra’s Mythos Rhymes by Jarred W. Wallace $9.95 + Shipping (Paperback)

This mock children’s book features twenty-one sinister nursery rhymes twisted with a Cthulhu Mythos bent and illustrated by the incredible Heather Hudson. Also included is a complete Edward Gorey-style alphabet. Every budding cultist should learn their ABCs after all.

The Worm And His Kings by Hailey Piper $13.00 + Shipping (Paperback) $6.99 (eBook)

This arrived only a few weeks ago, and I can’t wait to dive in. Set in New York City in 1990, the story follows Monique as she hunts for her missing girlfriend. But the trail goes much deeper than she realizes, sending Monique into a subterranean world of enigmatic cultists and shadowy creatures.

The Stars Were Right by K. M. Alexander $14.00 + Shipping (Paperback) $2.99 (eBook)

I’m nearly finished with Book Four’s edits. So, if you haven’t, now is the perfect time to start reading my Bell Forging Cycle. Follow Waldo Bell as he is sent careening through the multi-level megalopolis of Lovat, fighting to clear his name as a bloodthirsty killer stalks him. It’s mystery and monsters, chases and cults, and an ancient evil in a world that is similar but not quite like our own.

RADIO by J. Rushing $15.99 + Shipping (Paperback) $3.99 (eBook)

A jazz-infused, opium-soaked, historical fantasy with a transgressive edge that explodes from the opening chapter and never relents until its final pages—a welcome addition to modern fantasy literature and weird enough that it earned a place on this list.

Murder Ballads And Other Horrific Tales by John Hornor Jacobs $16.95 + Shipping (Paperback) $7.95 (eBook)

Seems like it’s becoming a tradition to see a new book from John Hornor Jacobs on this list every year, and it’s no surprise. He’s arguably one of the best mythos writers working today. This collection of recent horror and crime short stories takes you through tales involving old gods to malevolent artificial intelligences, plus it includes the sequel to his 2011 novel, Southern Gods.

The Cipher by Kathe Koja $17.95 + Shipping (Paperback) $3.99 (eBook)

Part haunted house story, part body horror, part descent-into-madness tale all told in the style of Transgressive Literature. The Cipher is one of those stories I was shocked I hadn’t read until this year. Koja writes stunningly physical characters and knotted complex relationships that feel eerily familiar to anyone who’s spent time in artist circles. Enjoy the Fun Hole. (One of my 2020 Three Great Horror Reads for Halloween.)

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones $26.99 + Shipping (Hardcover) $9.99 (eBook)

At its heart, this is a horror novel about growing up poor and native in western Montana. But The Only Good Indians also a novel about revenge, mistakes, and their extended consequences. I blew through it. I grew up not too far from where this novel is set, and I have yet to find a recent author that captures the behavior and actions of the people in that area quite as well as Jones. You’ll never look at elk the same way again. (One of my 2020 Three Great Horror Reads for Halloween.)

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin $28.00 + Shipping (Hardcover) $14.99 (eBook)

The first of the Great Cities series focuses on a roiling, ancient evil that stirs beneath the streets of New York City and threatens to destroy the city. New York must go on, and it will take five protectors scattered across the boroughs coming together to stop it. An allegorical response to Lovecraft’s work and a love letter to the city.

The Dark Brotherhood and Other Pieces by H.P. Lovecraft $650.00 + Shipping (One Copy Available—Sold via AbeBooks)

This rare late-60s first edition copy from Arkham House is in fine condition with a fine dustwrapper. It also comes with an inscription by the publisher and editor of this work: “for Herb Arnold from the compiler – August Derleth.” An extremely unique find and a unique piece of weird fiction history.

No book catches your interest? Check out the books featured in one of the previous guides. • 2014 Books • 2015 Books • 2016 Books • 2017 Books • 2018 Books • 2019 Books •

Music & Audio

Tribute To H.P. Lovecraft by Epsilon Eridani Free (Digital Download)

This atmospheric and somber dark ambient album is the third project from Mexican electronic artist Juan Pablo Valle. Blending instrumental tracks, spoken words performances, and recitations of parts of Lovecraft’s stories, this tribute serves as an excellent horror soundtrack.

The Yellow Sign $6.99 (Digital Download)

While Lovecraftian music often skews towards dark ambient or metal performances, The Yellow Sign goes takes a more orchestral approach. Composer Graham Plowman has created a fantastic classical soundtrack putting this album on par with any feature film—brooding, menacing, and wonderfully enjoyable.

Beyond Madness by Aklo $9.00 (Digital Download)

Erich Zann would be jealous. Aklo, like its madness-inducing namesake, is hard to pin down. But this album captures “the beyond” in ways not often heard in modern music. Part noise, part experimental, Beyond Madness is an excellent addition to any Lovecraft fan’s collection.

Live from Stockholm by Ogham Waite $12.00 (Digital Download)

Ogham Waite, one of Innsmouth’s Deep One inhabitants, and the Amphibian Jazz Band are the mythos’ answer to the lounge stylings of early Tom Waits. Bluesy and moody, this seductively smokey album drips with saltwater. Waite’s performance and delivery are melodious as they are melodic, a great addition to mythos music.

Ambrose Bierce’s The Boarded Window $20.00 + Shipping (Vinyl)

This limited vinyl pressing of Bierce’s unsettling perspective-shifting tale is read by Anthony D. P. Mann and scored by Chris Bozzone. Cadabra Records always goes the extra mile with their products, and it’s clear from the hand-poured red and white splattered vinyl to the incredible art by Jeremy Hush.

Deities by Tortuga €22.50 ($26.68) + Shipping (Vinyl) €5.00 ($5.93) (Digital Download)

This one showed up randomly on a playlist, and I found myself intrigued. Once I listened to it, I became a fan. Tortuga is a Polish doom metal band whose work is loaded down with intricate and heavy driving riffs inspired by Lovecraft’s writings. It’s good stuff.

Not finding any music or audio that interests you? Check out one of the previous guides. • 2014 Music • 2015 Music • 2016 Music • 2017 Music • 2018 Music • 2019 Music •

Apparel

Tiki Cthulhu Embroidered Patch $9.00 + Shipping

I see many patches as I search for new cosmic horror gear throughout the year, and occasionally I find one that rises to the top. This sew-on tiki-styled Ctuhulu is 3″ x 2.5″ and was created for the 2018 H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival. If you want a mythos inspired adornment for your bag or jacket that’s a bit outside the norm, look no further.

Cthulhu Socks $18.00 + Shipping

It’s winter in the northern hemisphere, that means you need to keep your appendages warm. Also, socks-for-Christmas is a right of passage. Why not consider getting these Cthulhu Socks from PutYourSocksOn featuring tentacles up the side and an illustration of the dead and dreaming Cthulhu on the ankle.

Sourpuss Tropicthulhu Rosie Dress $29.00 + Shipping

When you are associated with the ocean, you generally get associated with the tropics regardless of where your sunken city dwells. This 40’s style Rosie Dress allows you to show your appreciation of R’lyeh’s favorite son in a subtle but delightful manner.

Amulet of Azathoth £23.95 ($34.42) + Shipping

It’s the grandpappy of the mythos deities in amulet form! Well, kinda. A representation of the nuclear chaos beyond angled space himself. This antique amulet is a little over an inch and a half long and is cold cast in a mixture of resin and brass—a stunning little pendant.

Mother & Father Statuary Set $85.00 + Free Shipping

These handmade and hand-painted resin figures of Dagon and Hydra would work perfectly as bookends or garden statues. Aged in a way to evoke feelings of lost treasure salvaged from the seafloor or perhaps a dank and forgotten chamber somewhere beneath Innsmouth. Kinda cute to boot.

Cara Mater Silvae Shub-Niggurath Woodcut Print $187.50 + Free Shipping (Limited Edition)

Liv Rainey-Smith’s fantastic woodcut work has long been a fixture in the weird lit community. This limited-edition print is done in the style of a sacred icon and features a great rendition of Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, or as my readers will know her, “Cybill.”

Keeper of the Nightmare Mask $331.53 + Free Shipping (Made to Order)

Plague doctors always cut a fearsome figure in humanity’s historical memory, but what lies beneath that leather mask and shielded eyes? This custom made-to-order mask twists tentacles to form that familiar (and terrifying) plague-doctor shape adding an extra level of menace to an already menacing form.

Not finding apparel you like? Check out the apparel on one of the previous guides. • 2014 Apparel • 2015 Apparel • 2016 Apparel • 2017 Apparel • 2018 Apparel • 2019 Apparel •

Games

No Players Online Name Your Own Price (Windows/Linux)

What starts as a simple old demo of a capture-the-flag 3D shooter found on a discarded tape eventually twists and turns becoming something else entirely. I’m a sucker for the 80s glitch aesthetic, and it’s used here in masterfully unsettling ways—multiple endings, interesting game world, very much worth your time.

Kadath $5.99 (Digital Download, Early Access)

This first chapter of a first-person cosmic-horror adventure has you following the case of a World War II Nazi train that vanished only to reappear in a cave in the Himalayas 75 years later. Dripping with atmosphere and filled with brilliant puzzles, this first chapter left me excited for Kadath and wanting more.

Fate of Cthulhu $20.00 (Downloadable PDF) $35.00 + Shipping (Book + PDF)

In this tabletop roleplaying game from Fred Hicks and Evil Hat Productions, you and your friends will find yourself sent into the past on a mission to prevent the future. It’s a race against time as you try to stop the stars from being right and prevent Cthulhu’s foretold return, all before you and yours are transformed into something monstrous.

Elder Sign Dice – Blue Aether $24.99 + Shipping

Infinite Black has been making some wonderful cosmic-horror-themed gaming products for a few years. They’ve finally gotten easy enough to nab for holiday gifts. These Blue Aether Elder Sign Dice stood out to me, but they have a robust catalog making it easy to find the right gift for the dicing Lovecraft fan in your life. (Or yourself.)

Fate of the Elder Gods $63.99 + Shipping

Cults battle cults in this race to summon your ancient order’s elder god of choice! But it’s not just the other conniving worshippers and cult leaders you need to worry about, crafty investigators are on the prowl, and they’re working to subvert everyone’s goals as well. Hasten the earth’s doom in this competitive area-control game for two to four players.

Hastur $274.99 + Shipping (Two Shipments)

I’m a big fan of the Mysterious Package Company, the quality of their products always impresses. This latest journey into the realm of Hastur is no exception. Taking place over several mailings, Hastur invites the recipient into the world of the King in Yellow, the play with the same name, and the utter madness that dwells within those words.

Not finding a game you’d enjoy? Check out the games on one of the previous guides. • 2014 Games • 2015 Games • 2016 Games • 2017 Games • 2018 Games • 2019 Games •

Housewares & Collectables

Cedric’s Eatery 11oz. Mug $16.00 + Shipping

It’s cold out, and you need a new mug. Why not pick one up from Lovat’s own Cedric’s Eatery located in the entresol between Levels Three and Four. An in-between place for in-between folks. Waldo Bell’s latest hangout. Fill your mug with 11 oz. of bad coffee, your favorite tea, or something stronger. [From the pages of the Bell Forging Cycle.]

Cthulhu Clay Idol & Letter $29.80 + Free Shipping

Alternative takes on the Cthulhu idol are rare. More often than not, we see the same shape repeated over and over. Because of that, this rawer, more original piece stood out to me. It feels more realistic in many ways, reminding me of the sort of thing one would find on an archeological dig. Plus, with the attached letter, you get a little mini-experience here.

Sea Monster Shower Curtain $32.00 + Shipping

There be dragons. And there. And there. And… well, all over the place! If you love weird old sea monsters and old maps, then this curtain will be perfect for you. Decorate your shower with this fantastic curtain featuring beasts that look lifted from early Renaissance maps. 70″ x 72″. Liner recommended.

Cthulhu Lovecraft Blanket $59.99 + Shipping

As cooler air moves into the northern hemisphere, we can all celebrate the arrival of the cozy season. To stay warm, why not cuddle up beneath this cotton and acrylic Jacquard Knit blanket featuring the squatting visage of The Great Dreamer himself? He might be cold but you don’t have to be.

Anxious Blob Original Sculpture $325.00 + Shipping (Supplies are limited.)

This weird little one-off sculpture of a nervous little entity is made with polymer clay and hand-painted. The eye sits beneath a glass dome giving this piece a unique character. Who among us hasn’t wanted an anxious blob with hundreds of teeth and a single staring eye decorating our walls?

Not finding a houseware item you like? Check out the housewares from one of the previous guides. • 2016 Housewares • 2017 Housewares • 2018 Housewares • 2019 Housewares •

Miskatonic University

Miskatonic University Pennant $15.99 + Shipping

I love seeing all the different takes for Miskatonic University collegiate gear. Here you can show your support for “Ole Misk” with a felt pennant from H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society and cheer on the “mighty Miskatonic Myrmidons” to another victory. Wave that banner proudly!

Miskatonic University Real Leather Notebook $41.40 + Shipping

Journaler? Artist? Writer? Mathematician? Norwegian sea captain? Random idea generator? If you’re one of these, odds are you need a notebook. This 8″x6″ Miskatonic-themed journal features 100 sheets of thick handmade Khadda paper and is durable enough for the dig site while still being elegant enough for the classroom.

Miskatonic University Wax Seal $48.07 + Shipping

Secure your correspondence with old friends from bygones eras who seek answers using this classic and exquisite seal. It might not stop prying eyes, but at least your old colleagues will know if someone’s been tampering with their mail. (Wax sold separately.)

Miskatonic University Hockey Sweater $109.00 + Shipping (Supplies are limited.)

Every sports fan needs a jersey. Miskatonic students are no different. It’s why when I came across this Hockey Sweater from Geeky Jerseys I knew it’d be perfect for the cosmic horror student in your life. (While this one is great, I’m hoping the superior Miskatonic 2.0 sweater becomes available once again.)

Not finding any Miskatonic University gear you like? Check out the Miskatonic University items from one of the previous guides. • 2014 Miskatonic • 2015 Miskatonic • 2016 Miskatonic • 2017 Miskatonic • • 2018 Miskatonic • 2019 Miskatonic •

  Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

So that wraps up the seventh annual List of Lists. Let’s all keep wearing our masks, socially distancing, and washing our hands so we can all do this again next year. Big thank you to everyone who has suggested items in the past to help me pad out this list. Y’all rule. If I didn’t get to your submission, fret not. There are many more holidays ahead. I appreciate the help.

Do you have a book, game, album, or other weird fiction-related items I should feature in 2021’s Cosmic Horror Holiday Gift Guide? Leave a comment below with links to your favorite goodies for others to see, or send me an email as a potential submission for next year!

Want to stay in touch with me? Sign up for Dead Drop, my rare and elusive newsletter. Subscribers get news, previews, and notices on my books before anyone else delivered directly to their inbox. I work hard to make sure it’s not spammy and full of interesting and relevant information. Sign Up Today→

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[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 5x21 Last Rites

I can’t even remember the flashback for this episode, if there even was one. It probably should have been a Robin Hood flashback for his death to have made more of an impact. Because he’s literally just been pointing out really obvious things and nothing else for pretty much the whole season. 

Zelena worrying for her sister! I live for this!

How’d Arthur escape?

Yes, Hades much threatening holding a baby. Very scare. 

Oh dear.

When will they learn not to stop letting Sleepy guard things?! 

Sleepy: “Sleepy. I told you, it’s Walter.” That’s interesting that Sleepy doesn’t like to be called Sleepy and prefers Walter. The Dwarfs seemed so desperate to get back to their EF lives in season 2.

Snowing reunited! God, I missed those 2 together!

Finally, a grandma Snow hug! Haven’t had one of those in ages! 

Zelena’s like “and f**k you Regina! My boyfriend’s a God. How’s that for a happy thought?!”

Oh yeah. Forgot Arthur killed Hook the first time. Well, technically the second time? 

Arthur looks more like Hook’s brother than Liam or Liam II. Not to mention a closer accent. I feel like I read a fic or something where they were brothers somehow. Don’t get me wrong though, I prefer Liam. 

Okay, Hades was definitely manipulating Zelena here. He knew she wouldn't let him turn himself in, he just wanted to pretend he was willing to.

“The olympian crystal. Very powerful, very dangerous and I’ve waited a long time to use it.”

I’m sorry but that olympian crystal looks like a big old, jagged freaking- anyway back to the rewatch! 

Where was he keeping that giant dildo of death anyway? Do I even want to know??

Zelena does not look like she’s into it.

*sigh* why didn’t they just make Hades Robin Jr.’s father? I remember thinking and hoping he somehow was. 

Belle’s father refusing to wake Belle from the sleeping curse just to keep her away from Rumple. What the hell?! He’d just let her stay like that forever? Because we know people don’t age during sleeping curses and Rumple is immortal. Jeeeez! He does not respect her agency at all!

Oh my God! Hades was whipping Hook?!........ Dat’s kinky.

Cruella: “Oh, back up!....Seriously, back up.” The number of times I’ve referenced this xD! 

Oh my God guys, how can anyone get through that many books?! And its too many damn pages for any man to understand.

Your brother stopped your heart for a sparkly strap on? Wow, what a family.

I wonder how old Hades and the God’s are. Are they older/the same age as Gothel? According to Hades he’s been around for at least a few 1thousand years. Also, is Poseidon his brother too? Is Ursula his niece? That’s cool. I like that headcanon.

So according to one of Ouat’s wikis: ‘Kronos was originally the ruler of Mount Olympus, as well as the father of Zeus and Hades. Zeus was poised to become the next ruler after Kronos' reign ended, but this enraged Hades, who stole the olympian crystal and used it to obliterate Kronos. Zeus, however, defeated Hades and banished him to the Underworld.’ I must have missed that bit. And Poseidon is listed as Kronos’ son and Ursula his granddaughter.

Robin Hood: “Regina, you are my future.” Oh dear.

Do y’all think that lost soul dragging Arthur is Milah though? Like, “get off my man! He’s mine, bitch!”

Emma’s like, “omg my dead bf’s posting me sexy dildo pics from hell. He’s so sweet.”

Guys, don’t leave the baby alone.

He definitely knows Regina and Robin are there. They’re talking so loudly!

Sorry, Emma but I love Zelena effortlessly throwing people about. I still think she’s more powerful than Emma and Regina. No one could dispel her protection spell. Definitely the most powerful telekinetic possibly out of any other character. Did you see her move that tree as a baby?!

Hades, please don’t kill Zelena’s sister! 

Oh no! The jagged sparkly dildo of death has an electric shock feature! Very kinky.

Lmao!!! I’m sorry but Robin’s death scene looks so funny! It’s shot so weirdly!

Well, Robin byeeeeee. Remember all those times he stood in the background and said nothing except the occasional “you were the evil queen” and “look there are trees here!” or of course, the already established “this place is deserted”. Fun times.

Regina be like, “show me those hands! Show me those jazz hands!” A very appropriate reaction if I do say so myself.

Okay but seriously. Did Robin not think about his 2 kids? Why didn’t he just push her out the way and run? Why didn’t Regina use her magic at all? This could have been so easily avoided but I think it was necessary for Regina’s character development and the plot. I think they ran out of things to do with Robin, and it was becoming more and more unrealistic that a character like Regina was in love with a character like him, in my opinion. She became a completely different character around him. Not all happy endings involve romantic love. I like that she remained single. Also, Robin never really made connections with the other heroes. He barely spoke to them. Literally, I think he only spoke to Hook twice and Emma once! I think Charming once too and I’m not sure he ever spoke to Snow. Maybe once in early 3b. I think that’s why, to me, he felt so disconnected from them. It would have worked a lot better if he was a villain all along, seeking vengeance on Regina for his wife’s death.

God, Hades! Zelena just wants to live in her little farmhouse, watching her daughter play on the swings and bunnies hop around while drinking tea in their magical enchanted garden!

Oh my God, if I was Zelena I would scream. Too many people in her head! Tbf if I was Zelena, I’d throw that giant dildo through the window and let Emma have it for herself as Hook intended.

Get lost Hades! Honestly, this is when I stopped being a serious Zades shipper. Before this I was a hardcore fan! But he tried to force her to kill her sister! He even says, “If you won’t, I will.” That’s going too far!

All Zelena ever wanted was love! I’m glad she finally recognizes that. She thought she wanted the material things her sister had but it was familial love that she never got from her adoptive father and only got a short taste of from her adoptive mother that she truly craved.

She chose her sister!

I hate that they made her kill Hades! Why couldn’t someone else do it?

Omg look at the sisters hold each other! I am going to die!!

Well, it’s nice that Arthur and Killian are getting along now, considering this is literally all Arthur’s fault. Somehow, after this episode, I can’t bring myself to hate Arthur as much as I did before. 

I guess the prophecy could still come true. He could repair the broken kingdom that is the Underworld.

I feel like this was addressed in a DVD extra, but does Arthur or Cruella end up ruling the underworld? I feel like it was Arthur, but my heart wants it to be and says it is Cruella and her lover the Blind Witch. 

Wow, Dumbledore and Harry look so different at King’s Cross in the afterlife. Is the horcrux in Harry destroyed??

Zeus, you horny bastard, we all know you probably slept with every character in ouat at some point. And we also know you’re a hardcore CS shipper!

Zeus looks so young lol. Why?

Hook: “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?" Zeus: “Of course it is happening inside your head, Hooky, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

Sorry. I had to.

Poor Roly :(. He’s an orphan now. I hope someone adopted him. I’m surprised Regina didn’t.

Zelena what kinda drugs are you smoking to call the baby Robin?! Dear God. Pistachio would have been better! I’ve probably said this before, but I inadvertently called her name would be Robin. In my group rp, my Zelena kept referring to the baby as “baby Robin.” if you can gaze into the future (Future, future) You might think life would be a breeze (Life is a breeze) Seeing trouble from a distance (Yeah, go Bec) But it's not that easy xD. I’ve been rewatching That’s so Raven with my mama and thus far I’ve been having more precognitive dreams than my already bananas amount.

Why do villains always crumble to dust/vanish, especially in this show: Maleficent (twice, I think), Pan (twice), Zelena, The Snow Queen, Hades, Split Queen, The Black Fairy. I don’t get why they do that.

Thank God that flipping red filter is gone! Good riddance! 

The Underworld arc wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the Dark Swan arc. It was actually much better than I remembered. I enjoyed it, even! How did I not pay attention to all the Zelena gold in this arc?! 

Anyway, excited next week for Davis Bloome- I mean Hyde! 

[dyaz-stories]

After reading your kiss analysis, I have to say I’m still quite bitter about the Kao scene. Up till Kao I was certain he loved Kagome the most, after that it felt like he loved both equally or only learned to love Kagome more in the last few chapters and that just doesn’t feel right with everything we’ve seen up til that point. It’s sad to think he could have loved Kikyo more even though he barley knew or trusted her, while Kagome loved him unconditionally and couldn’t even get a kiss from him

Hey anon, I completely get how you feel. Again, this is way too long so I’m putting the whole thing under the cut.

The reason why the Goodbye Kiss and other elements, including the Kao arc at first, were so annoying to me was because, based on everything we’d seen until then, like you, I felt Inuyasha loved Kagome and, specifically, only Kagome (you can love more than one person and all that jazz but Kagome was explicitly not okay with him having feelings for both Kikyo and her at the same time). For me the Goodbye Kiss was a bigger deal, but it was basically because I felt the grounds on which I had loved Inukag up until then were destroyed. Basically, I felt betrayed by the way the story unfolded.

I wasn’t able to shake off most of my feelings on those arcs, even after reading perfectly reasonable analyses on the Goodbye Kiss. I mean intellectually I could understand it but I felt very differently when I thought back about it. I feel different about the Kao arc, though.

The thing about it is that it’s just... not a great arc in my opinion? I don’t know, I just reread it to answer and it feels more or less like a cheap repeat of the Illusionary Death arc. Everyone but Kagome is affected by some mind-control trick, except here it’s not because of Kagome herself

but because of a talisman Miroku gave her, which is sad in and of itself but makes sense after a year of continuous trauma for her (see this meta piece I wrote for more details),

Inuyasha sees a fake version of Kikyo who wants him to die with her,

he snaps out of it because of Kagome,

arc over.

The Kao arc is at this weird place where it’s necessary for the story, as it works as an arc where Inuyasha mourns Kikyo and ‘decides’ to keep on living (more on that in a second), but also it’s kind of like... been there done that. It’s the third time that Inuyasha is under some kind of spell and his guilt about Kikyo is used against him and he risks dying and something about Kagome snaps him out of it. Except the two first times showed a clear evolution about his character and this time it’s solved the same way as it is the first time.

This is probably unclear so let me develop that. The first time I’m referring to is the time when Kikyo herself hypnotizes Inuyasha or something and tries to take him to hell. He hears Kagome’s voice and the second he realizes she needs help he stops paying attention to Kikyo.

The second time is the Illusionary Death I just mentioned, but it actually shows a really interesting evolution of Inuyasha’s character. As you can see in the example above, Inuyasha was able to break the spell because he heard Kagome’s voice, and saw she was in difficulty. I really like that one because we see Inuyasha acting completely on instinct and naturally putting Kagome first. I do want to point out though that this is a case where Kikyo is just trying to kill him, so it can’t be compared to what happens later. Him ignoring Kikyo when she wants to murder him vs him wanting to protect her are just two different situations — though Kikyo does take him as him loving Kagome more than her at the moment.

Anyway, back to the Illusionary Death. Interestingly, Inuyasha doesn’t need to hear Kagome’s voice this time. He’s in the process of letting himself die with fake-Kikyo, when he thinks about Kagome, unmprompted.

And then he realizes that oh damn, they’re in Naraku’s trap, Kagome might need him, and he says he can’t let her die. Again, saving Kagome is his motivation not to let himself die, but this time he thinks of her without her intervention, and he manages to free himself with that added motivation.

So yeah I thought it was kind of cool that he goes from having to hear Kagome’s voice to simply thinking about her himself. Though it’s still really sad to read him say this.

Anyway back to the Kao arc, as you can see, it’s again Kagome’s voice that wakes him up. Obviously, Inuyasha is in a very bad place after Kikyo’s death, but I still see that as sort of a regression of his character personally. Like it’s been 400 chapters since that first time. Inuyasha’s definitely grown, and I think it would have been a great moment to either have him thinking about Kagome and going ‘that’s right I have so much to live for!’ or not thinking about Kagome at all and just deciding to live for himself.

But... considering what his relationship with Kikyo was in those recent chapters — he almost seems closer to her than he was at the beginning — I can’t say it doesn’t make sense that he was crushed by it. Though I will say that the fact that him being basically suicidal isn’t addressed does bother me.

Anyway, back to Kao. As you can see, I have many problems with this arc, so I can just shove it under the carpet and act like it was a miss. However, concerning what you were talking about, while Kao does say that Kikyo was the woman loved most in the world

and Kagome later implies that Kao can sense emotions/read people’s minds, I just don’t think it makes much sense? I mean, Kao goes on to say that Kagome is in more pain than Inuyasha.

Don’t get me wrong, Kagome has gone through a lot since she first went through the well, and I don’t have any doubts that she was traumatized. I also think she did a lot of healing for Inuyasha at her own detriments.

But this is Inuyasha. If Kagome’s gone through a lot, he’s gone through hell and back before he even met her, and while I’d argue the year he’s spent with her was an improvement, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses either. Not only that, but he’s shown as suicidal, and if he’s lost “the woman he loved the most”, I just don’t see how Kagome’s soul could be “more wounded than his”.

He also adresses his feelings for Kikyo in a way that doesn’t seem to show him having particularly intense emotions about her, I feel.

I don’t know, my interpretation of it would be that Kikyo’s death mainly triggered the guilty feelings he’d had since the beginning. Now, crushed under all this pain, he might have thought things along those lines about Kikyo, and that might be what Kao felt. Kagome does go on to say that Inuyasha is the one who’s the most hurt by Kikyo’s death, which makes sense even if she wasn’t “the one he loved most” and to me shows that Kao’s power was maybe not super effective.

So in conclusion, Kao’s arc was needed considering where the story was at by then. Unfortunately, because of the (inexplicable) restrengthening of the relationship between Kikyo and inuyasha, Kikyo’s death pushes Inuyasha back into a place he’s supposed to have grown out of for a while. I think it was really important to acknowledge his feelings before going forward. However, I think it’s a rather poorly handled arc that doesn’t particularly serve Inuyasha’s character. We just see, again, an evolution he already had.

I will say, I think that him showing empathy for Kagome and apologizing for not noticing her feelings is an evolution,

but I don’t find it super useful because Kagome immediately tells him that his feelings are important and he shouldn’t feel bad about it. Don’t get me wrong she’s absolutely right to do that, but I think in order for this to really work it should have lead to her acknowledging her own feelings.

Back to the subject at hand, Kao’s arc is a weird arc that’s not super well handled, and I think it just goes to show that Rumiko was getting tired of the manga and wasn’t super into it. It’s a personal interpretation but she strikes me as the type of person who thrives with stories that do not go on for too long and who grows bored of them when they do. Inuyasha is absolutely symptomatic of that. Again, just my feelings, but I feel like at the beginning of the manga she was really enjoying it and having fun with it and by the end it’s more of a chore than anything.

But that’s just speculation on my part, really. Anyway, I totally get why you would feel that way, I basically have the same feelings as you do except they’re directed to the Goodbye Kiss, but I’m pretty chill about Kao’s arc for the reasons mentioned above. I hope this wasn’t too long or that it was at least interesting, I’ve been working on this for literally hours because whenever I finish a point I go off on another tangent lol. Thank you for your message anon, I’d been meaning to talk about Kao’s arc for a while so I’m glad you gave me a reason to!

I haven’t even talked about Kagome’s reaction at the end of the arc but no one needs to read another five paragraphs on this.

[sotorubio]

hey! i totally understand being grossed about by the kiss. i was just wondering, why do you hate the season as a whole? I’ve been thinking other than the kiss the season has actually been pretty good! Just wondering your opinion!

hey!! for starters i use the word "hate" v liberally so if u see me using it it doesn't necessarily mean i have had a terrible time 24/7 in fact there have been a ton of stuff i rly enjoyed since i love lola's character n lamifex n all that jazz it's been cool!

however, objectively i think it has been p bad n tonight's whole thing ruined a lot for me (not only the kiss but also i rly... didn't like the "you're my addiction" thing.. what was that :/). this season, for me, has been p similar to s5 when it comes to its problems. individual clips? often v nice there have been so many great clips w daphné n lola but as a whole? they just never lead anywhere and/or aren't addressed properly like when lola found out daphné told their parents abt her n it was a whole thing but then it just. ended w the supermarket clip even tho lola had a right to be angry. then when maya ghosted her lola was hurt n angry n maya said she couldn't talk to her while she's drunk even tho she knew at this point lola was an addict. that fight/ghosting was never properly resolved n next time they met LOLA was apologetic n while yes she was v rude to maya but like. she had a right to that n it ended in her apologizing instead (the exact same thing that happened in season 5 w the le gang falling out n then arthur showing up to the trip apologetically when AGAIN he had EVERY right to be angry w the guys)

second thing is the amount of storylines. this season has felt v.. introductory? up until like the sixth episode they just kept bringing up new things that never went anywhere n Still haven't gone anywhere

then the things they haven't acknowledged yet (there's still time so they Might acknowledge these at one point but personally i think it should've been done way before now)

the above mentioned fights

lola's true feelings abt her mom n how she has treated her + lola's relationship w thierry (probably will be explored more but last time we saw them she just forgave him immediately after seeing him slightly sad)

the sa storyline (if they don't acknowledge this AT ALL... ❌ but it should've been discussed by now that's a traumatic event)

lola sleeping w adult men? jfc pls bring this up soon lmao

lola's psych/therapist who was never seen again w/o ANY explanation (this season is supposed to be abt addiction n mental health right? so let's give the main character a professional to support her but then show how bad professional help is for u n how u should just find love instead we have such great rep /s)

then there r a few more things that they truly need to address but I won't criticize it for those yet bc there's still time to go through stuff

bonus points if daphné is benny.taxi that will completely destroy the amazing n well written development of their dynamic n no there absolutely is not any time to mend that again if it breaks their bond (n if it doesn't that's simply just bad writing bc checking on ur sister like that is extremely creep n crossing personal boundaries) + if we count sm as a part of the season never forget how bad their social media game is it's laughable

then a more personal reason rather than an objective criticism is that the interactions between lola n the og squads feel so forced (except w daphné ofc). it would be much more fun n enjoyable if lola had a group of her own age n much more realistic like idk abt y'all but i would not want to make my little sister a permanent part of my friend group msjflsjfkd

ALSO! everyone is loving the wlw rep which is always great for sure but i still don't know if lola's a lesbian or bi bc originally she was hinted to be a lesbian by the director himself but then she keeps sleeping w men w/o it ever being addressed anywhere n some ppl were saying she was stated to be bisexual off screen in an interview or a live show of some sort so if that's the case i personally don't think wlw rep can be that good if the ppl making the rep don't even know the simple difference between a bi woman and a lesbian.

[ninjakitty15]

Chapter 5: A Basic Witch (Loki x OFC Pairing)

"So archery, huh? Let me guess, you were born in the wrong century."

Clint glanced back at me while flying Tony's "borrowed" flying thing I wasn't quite sure was a plane or jet. "You might actually be worse than Tony with those quips of yours."

"You love it really," I teased.

"Love is a strong word, I tolerate it...moreso with a raise."

I cackled. "They not paying you enough to put up with me? Gotta feed the kids somehow though, right? Have you thought about being a hooker, they're always hiring."

"Do you want him to shoot you?" asked Loki though he had a smirk on the entire time I was bugging Clint.

"I could keep talking but then I took an arrow to the knee," I jested. "Not quite the ring I was hoping for there."

"You know, I read about you people," Clint commented.

"What do you mean 'you people'?"

"Necromancers. Don't you normally require certain things to do what you do? Google images suggest you need a staff at the very least."

I snorted but also took out my new smartphone Tony was nice enough to give me and looked up what people thought necromancers looked like, allowing Loki to see what I see as well. "We also apparently only wear black attire and wear bone jewelry. Really? That's still a stereotype? Bone jewelry? Okay some voodoo practitioners might wear that for shock value but it doesn't have any real purpose and more important is super fucking tacky. We're already made of bones, why do we need more and why wear them on the outside if we need more, they're brittle as fuck, especially if they're old. This is where you got your info from, Clint?"

"Not exclusively," he tried to recover.

"So I'm expected to wear the least practical attire and accessories all time? You any idea how much I stick out looking like Skeletor's little sister here without wearing all black all time while dragging some long metal or wood staff like I'm Sarumon summoning orcs against Rohan. Sure I might blend in well enough at night in all black but the stealth is gone with all the bone jewelry rattling with each movement. Let's just throw some chains in there too, I'm sure they won't see me coming then. Seriously, who comes up with this bullshit? When you caught Loki, did you ask if he gave birth to a horse too?"

"You don't think I did?" Loki responded in amusement while snatching my phone and scrolling through all the depictions of what people thought I'd look like.

"From what I'm told, your adoptive father is too arrogant and vain to ride a horse you created."

"Clever girl. You are correct, that is a myth created to deface me more than they already have. Surprisingly he didn't ask me anything, too busy plotting my death after I got in his head."

"Someone's a sore loser," I mused under my breath so only Loki could hear me. "We there yet? And did you find any actual facts about 'my people' or just what the internet told you?"

"We're nearly there....and I'll let you know when I do," Clint muttered.

"We used to need instruments like a staff or something to be fair," I told Loki quietly. "But they are an eyesore for everyone and can easily get lost, stolen, or broken so we adapted and found another way to channel power. You need three things typically, well two now but at one point it was a staff to channel, a jewel to draw from and collect, and a blade to end it all."

"You don't have any of those though, do you? You were found with just what they told you to wear and what powers you had in you. They didn't..."

"You need to be a necromancer to even know what to do with those three let alone wield them for their intended purpose but no, never had a staff for obvious and previously listed reasons. My blade is kept hidden until I need it which thus far I haven't, as for the jewel...that's hidden elsewhere as well." I stopped at a fanart pic of a necromancer wearing all three items in an over the top armored black robe surrounded by bones. "Well that's just pretentious. Who goes around wearing everything they need to gain the upper hand out for all to see?"

"What about that one? I could see you wearing that," Loki purred, pointing to one necromancer woman wearing a cloak and more or less a black leather bikini while raising a skull above her.

"I bet you could, I wouldn't be caught living in that, nice try."

"Alright, we're here as requested, everyone out of my jet," Clint called back to us.

I opened my mouth to point out it was once again Tony's plane but Loki just held up a hand and shook his head, sometimes it was better to just roll with it. "You've damaged his ego enough, let him dream a little." The plane landed in a park that had been conveniently shut off from the public, probably Tony's doing and we hopped out. I took one long deep breath and smiled at scent of fresh salty sea air and a little bit more. Loki stepped out behind me, in his ironically all black suit in place of armor or leisure robes but he didn't seem to stick out in them, just rocked them like a death metal band, hardcore.

"You feel that?" I murmured under my breath so Clint wouldn't know what we were talking to.

"You're right, there is something otherworldly about this place, something strong but subtle."

"Alright you two, I'll be watching you but won't get in your way unless I have to, go and explore Salem," Clint informed us.

I grinned and lead Loki into the heart of witch city. I took him to all my favorite little shops, both the tourist traps and the legit ones where wiccan things are sold, to some of the museums, explained more of the city's history and how it became a safe haven for those with magic in their blood. Eventually we stopped by where the final resting place of the victims were, the memorial stones that often had fresh flowers resting on so they'd never be forgotten. It was empty beside myself, Loki, and the dead so I dropped to my knees then in front of the small stone gated graveyard, my hands digging into the ground to feel for any unrest and breathed out. Let those who linger rest easy and those with unrest tell me how I can help. My eyes shot open completely white as the unquiet spirits came forward. I could feel Loki watching me from where he stood some feet back but kept my attention to the unseen souls asking for peace. When I did all I could for them, my eyes faded back to their normal murky color and I slowly stood up and brushed myself off, signalling Loki to walk over and beside me.

"All of these people were innocent?" he asked me quietly.

"This wasn't about actual magic, this was about fear and power, this is what you get when you mix religion and politics, the innocent burn while the guilty rises."

"And now people celebrate here what their ancestors were accused of."

"I like to think of it as saying fuck you, we are the children of witches you didn't burn."

"Brilliant," he breathed out. "You're right, I do like this place already."

"Of course I'm right, I'm always right, the sooner you accept it, the happier we'll both be for it."

Loki chuckled but didn't disagree. "When did you find out about this place?"

"As a kid, everyone's taught about the Salem Witch Trials in school, we were then driven there for a field trip like this to see for ourselves. There's many places of magic in America, but this is my absolute favorite place ever. This is my home." I paused mid stroll, took a deep breath in, closed my eyes and opened my arms, welcoming the wonders of witch city.

"Do you hear a high pitched squealing noise?" murmured Loki while watching me embrace my inner witch.

I didn't get a chance to reply as I was suddenly knocked several feet to the side and off my own feet by a pair of boobs with arms attached them engulfing me. "You're alive!" a familiar voice cried in joy.

"Not for much longer if you keep that up," I grumbled, stumbling back onto my feet and straightening up to meet a more familiar face. I was then hugged again and then roughly shaken around almost angrily. "Not everything you love is a fucking cocktail, stop shaking me!"

"Where the hell have you been, woman? We all thought you were killed off or burnt yourself out like the ones that went missing! You left without warning, no calls, no texts, not even a damned email I would've accepted, not a damned thing!" the tall Louisianan woman shaking me around exclaimed.

"Would you believe I was away on business?"

"Your business is here, try again."

"Attacked by ninjas?"

"This ain't feudal Japan."

"Chuck Norris with a bbgun?"

She just glared at me with her hands on her hips tapping a foot impatiently.

"Hydra got me midflight back home."

"Fo realz? How'd they know?"

"Someone had to have tipped them off, I used my aliases the entire time, kept low profile, all that jazz."

She had to sigh and drop the frown in acceptance and squeezed me hard again. "It has been soooo boring without you causing trouble around here, are you back for good?"

I picked up the frown she dropped and shook my head sadly. "Day trip, didn't get out of Hydra on my own, out of the fire and into the frying pan."

"By who?"

I glance back at Loki who was closely watching the two of us, not sure if she was friend or foe to him and the team. "Avengers plus one."

"So that's why it's been boring, you took all the fun with you and didn't think to share, as always."

"Bitch I ain't your source of entertainment, get your own damn rescue team."

"Sharing is caring."

"Do you see the care on my face?"

"I missed your face, can you believe that? I got addicted to IZombie just so I could see someone that looked like you."

"Not the first show I got you hooked on, I regret nothing there."

"Your face though..." she now turned her attention to the god watching from the sidelines. "You're not from around these parts, are you?"

"Where I'm from has been completely destroyed," he replied stiffly.

"Didn't you try to take New York City ages back?"

Before Loki could defend himself, I decided to step in. "Let she who is without a body count, cast the first stone."

"What? I'm not judging, I don't like NYC either but you are the same guy right? God of mischief and alien invasions?"

"I might be," Loki spoke up. "And who are you that seems to know Nell so well."

"I'm her best friend, Zari."

Something clicked in my head about what she said moment earlier then and before more introductions were made, I spoke up. "Hold up, they burnt out?"

Zari blinked and recalled what I brought up and arched an eyebrow. "When they were found they were shells and around their remains was all dead, that has to be it, they burnt out like overrused acid leaking batteries."

"All of the missing?" I murmured.

"All except you...what are you thinking?"

"My zombie senses are tingling. This doesn't feel like a coincidence, that's doesn't feel like an accident either. How many of us are left?"

"A fourth of what we started as."

"We're becoming an endangered species."

"You always wanted to be a tiger as a kid, now you got something in common with them besides a body count."

I scowled or attempted to, I did love tigers after all. "Hunted to near extinction wasn't what I had in mind."

She snickered and glanced at the amused god before returning her attention back to me. "So here for today at least, you show him all the cool places I hope."

I pretended to look offended and held a hand to my chest. "It's like you don't know me at all."

"Either way, there's a few places you missed that I'm sure you'd love to see," she nudged me with a wicked look in her eyes and I instantly knew what she meant.

"By all means, lead the way."

She took us to a small cafe she worked at that actually had a hidden passage way underneath the kitchen and leading to the Hawthorne Hotel, away from Clint's prying eyes for once so we all settled down in a nice suite permanently reserved under Zari's name. There we caught up and explained stuff to Loki we trusted him but not the Avengers with...for reasons. Zari was actually more a witch or voodoo priestess, not as powerful or naturally gifted as a necromancer but still pretty damn dangerous with her own form of death magic.

"Barton probably called in the cavalry in our absence," Loki muttered. "We should return to the open before the Avengers ruin the day again."

"We probably should, would hate for them to ruin my happy place. We should go somewhere public and totally open so they look like idiots before they yell at us though," I suggested.

"That can be arranged easy enough, well done. Zari, it has been a pleasure."

"Look after her, Loki. And Nell...don't let the bastards get you down," she reminded me.

I grinned. "Nevah." I took Loki's outstretched hand once more and green mist swirled around us before we popped up by a bench looking out at the sea by the Waterfront Hotel. I smiled again and didn't let go of his hand, I could feel the ocean then, feel the sun, the sea, everything that drew me to it before I died. "Some day," I murmured.

Loki gave my hand a squeeze and didn't let go as well but kissed the top of it. "I'll make sure of it. Here they come."

Right on cue, Clint followed by Nat and slightly annoyed Steve jogged over to us, all looking different shades of unhappy. We both turned and looked at them innocently while Clint breathed a sign of relief, Nat just rolled her eyes at us, but of course the do-gooder Steve looked like a father about to reprimand his child for sneaking out the window after being grounded.

"You know, while we were hunting you down, I gotta say, this place has its charms," Nat noted.

"Of course it does, can't be a witch without some," I informed her. "Who here likes seafood?"

Steve opened his mouth most likely to lecture me on staying in sight but bless Clint for thinking with his stomach after a long boring day of watching me and Loki frolic around town. His hand shot up almost as fast as his arrows shoot forward so I led the little team to the Oyster Bar by the Waterfront. "Ah food, my second favorite four letter F word."

Eventually it was time to return to homebase as the gang led us back to the jet and I found myself surprisingly worn out from the day of fun, leaning against Loki on the ride back. I found myself too tired to walk out myself when we landed and Loki immediately scooped me up and carried me out of the jet and into the main building himself. My eyes got heavier each second but somehow I could still hear what was going on.

"Clint tells me he lost sight of you two for a bit, you care to explain that?" Tony was demanding.

"Do I care to? Not really since you asked. He got distracted by one of the local performing street witches most likely, did you know theres one going around in full witch garb on rollerblades? Very amusing to say the least," Loki replied smoothly.

"Oh I'm aware Salem is full of weirdoes."

"Which is exactly why you weren't invited, you boring old fart," I muttered, burying my head against Loki's chest to try and drown out their voices only for Loki to laugh against me.

"Don't you take that tone with me, young lady," mused Tony. "I'll have you know I've been voted the world's most interesting man many times."

"And Trump's been voted for president, votes here don't mean shit so you're bragging rights right now are kinda in the crapper."

"Go back to sleep."

I turned to face him in Loki's arms just to stick my tongue out but curled back into Loki after. "Have a good night, don't let the zombies bite."

[dragon-swords-prophecies]

OC Scenario Tag Game

7.) Your OC somehow obtains the ability to time travel. Where do they go, and what do they do? So @akindofmagictoo left an open ended tag when they got tagged in this game (post here) and I actually want to do it because it looks fun so:

rules: pick an OC and describe what they would do in the following hypothetical situations. 

I’m going to bend the rules and pick four: Anastasia Nailo, Dash Nailo, Anne Jones, Enna Helder-Kromlin

1.) Your OC is at a jazz bar when they see a mysterious, alluring dame being pestered by a joe that just won’t let up. What do they do?

Aside from the fact that none of them would be in a jazz bar since its set in a fantasy version of the 1400s so I’m changing jazz bar to tavern/inn:

Enna would slip some kind of (not deadly) poison into the guys drink then rob him once he’s unconscious and give some of the money to the woman. 

Anne would walk over and say, “Hi. How about you get away from the woman and I don’t stab you?” Yeah shes very, ummm, violently inclined. 

Ana would flat out punch him. Her ex-husband is exactly the kind of man that would be in this situation and she won’t stand for it. 

Dash would invite the woman to sit with him and the rest of them. 

2.) The world will be destroyed in three days. What does your OC do with their remaining time?

I honestly don’t know. I think Ana would want to stop it but also she’s been alive for 300 years and is really fed up with the world going to shit and her (& friends) having to save it. 

As for the rest I have no clue. 

3.) Your OC spends the night in a haunted house for a bet, only to realize that the rumours might be true… what do they do?

Enna would kill all the ghosts. She actually did this once though, between killing her uncle and killing a dragon. It was a stress reliever. 

Anne would stay because she wants to win the bet. 

Dash would panic, he’s had something like this happen to him before and he spent 93 years catatonic in the Shadow Realm because of it. 

Ana would leave and lose the bet. She doesn’t care. 

4.) A character your OC cares deeply about has just passed away. How do they handle their grief?

Ana cries for like a week. Shes never actually been given the time to mourn before (After her mother died she got imprisoned by a dragon) so it would sorta be a combination of grieving for that person and grieving for everyone else she’s lost. 

Dash would hide and avoid all interaction for a few days-weeks. Other than that his response would mirror Ana’s for almost the same reasons. 

Enna would shut down completely; everything except the most important things (eating, sleeping, etc). Depending on who it was the shutdown could last a week or it could last a month. She doesn’t deal well with grief. 

Anne would go on a very, very long flight and have a good cry far away from everyone else. This is what they both did before Enna’s wings got destroyed. 

5.) Your OC walks into a coffee shop. What kind of coffee do they order?

Emily owns the coffee shop, if its a different shop she would order the highest caffeinated beverage possible. Ana gets tea, Dash gets coffee, Enna & Anne get something with caffeine, Peth isn’t allowed in because he’s too tall for the ceiling.

6.) Your OC finds themselves in a financial pinch - they need money, and fast. Who do they go do or what do they do to get the dough?

Anne & Enna would steal it. Actually all of them would steal/borrow it. Most of them would pay the person they borrowed from back. 

7.) Your OC somehow obtains the ability to time travel. Where do they go, and what do they do?

Okay this answer is actually kinda sad. 

Presuming they can interact with their own timelines, 

Enna would go back and stop her brother from dying. 

Anne would go back to try and kill her Uncle before he could kill her mother.

Dash would go back and keep himself from hunting after his father in the Realm of Shadows and ending up catatonic there for 93 years. Or he would try to stop his father from going there at all. 

Ana would go back to get her mother out of A’sshye before it burns. 

If they can’t interact with their own timlines,

Enna & Anne would go back to before they were born but after their brother was born and meet their mother and/or accidentally kill their uncle before he can kill their mother. 

Dash and Ana would do something that is definitely in a morally gray area and (if they can go back 1000+ years) kill Dizerdrat when he’s still young; before he can ruin the world as much as he will. 

If they can only go back 100 years or less (Since all of them would be going back 101+ years), 

Enna would prevent her brother from dying. 

Anne would stop, or try to, Will (her husband)’s death. 

Ana would get herself and Zane away from Jax (Her ex-husband) sooner than she did.

Dash would find Cerea sooner. 

[nerianasims]

Billboards #1 1972

Under the cut.

Don McLean – “American Pie” -- January 15, 1972

I grew up without having a clue what McLean was supposedly singing about, so I figured it was some weird fantasy thing. Maybe he meant it to be deadly serious, maybe not. He's always refused to explain it, which is the smart move. I find it fun like a big Broadway song.

Al Green – “Let’s Stay Together” -- February 12, 1972

I'm always predisposed to love soul music. And this is Al Green, singing a heartfelt song to his love that they should stay together forever, through everything. "Loving you whether, whether/ Times are good or bad, happy or sad." It sounds like marriage vows. Great song.

Nilsson – “Without You” -- February 19, 1972

I have to be in a particular kind of mood to enjoy this song. Cheerful enough not to mind pure, unadulterated soft cheese. Sort of the emotional equivalent of eating cream cheese plain. Nilsson sounds like he truly means it, which is what saves the song. It is fun to belt out the chorus along with him.

Neil Young – “Heart Of Gold” -- March 18, 1972

Okay but so why do you deserve a heart of gold? You've been searching and not found one, but maybe if you did things to draw someone with a heart of gold to you, it wouldn't be so hard. Yeah, the narrator of this song annoys me. To be honest, Neil Young's voice kinda does too. It's one of the rare songs where I prefer the instrumental parts to the sung parts. The harmonica's great. Actually I think I might prefer this song if it were entirely instrumental, because it is pretty. Otherwise, meh.

America – “A Horse With No Name” -- March 25, 1972

The subculture you're in is more important to your life than whatever bigger culture it happens to exist within. And in the 90s, my subculture loved Wally Pleasant, the local East Lansing comedy folk singer. On his album "Songs About Stuff," there's a song called "Lost Weekend Las Vegas." He takes off from a Michigan winter to Las Vegas. There, he meets a "real nice showgirl," and in a conversation with her, he brings up "A Horse With No Name." "You know that song/ By Neil Young/ She said you're wrong/ Neil Young didn't sing that song." I can never hear "A Horse With No Name" without thinking of "Lost Weekend Las Vegas."

Wally Pleasant at one point sings, "I've had about enough of this crazy stupid trip." I kinda feel like that silly humor song has more to say about life than "A Horse With No Name." But "A Horse With  No Name" sure sounds good.

Roberta Flack – “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” -- April 15, 1972

Roberta Flack is an amazing singer, and this is a good love song. But I don't like it. It's too drawn out and slow. It was originally about twice as fast, and that doesn't surprise me. When a song doesn't seem to have any type of beat, it can give me a headache, and this one does.

The Chi-Lites – “Oh Girl” -- May 27, 1972

Doing this list, I have come to realize how much I like the harmonica. I always knew I liked it, but never knew before that it's in my top tier of instruments, like the alto flute and cello. The harmonica in this song laments even better than the singer, Eugene Record, who is great. As for the lyrics, the singer has cheated, and it's pretty strongly hinted that peer pressure to be macho had a lot to do with it. "All my friends call me a fool/ They say let the woman take care of you/ So I try to be hip and think like the crowd/ But even the crowd can't help me now." He needs new friends. He's completely helpless, emotionally, without his "girl," and now he's gone and screwed everything up, and he knows it. A beautiful song with much more to say than about just one relationship.

The Staple Singers – “I’ll Take You There” -- June 3, 1972

This is a gospel/funk song about heaven. It's musically good, but so repetitive I can only handle about a minute of it.

Sammy Davis Jr. – “The Candy Man” -- June 10, 1972

So this is a thing that happened. "The Candy Man" is a song from the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka movie, which bugs me in the ways it changes the book's plot, though I still like it. The song should never have been a hit, let alone a #1 hit, let alone one sung by Sammy Davis Jr. He sounds embarrassed singing it, and I'm embarrassed listening to it. Sammy Davis Jr. deserved multiple #1 hits -- he was the best singer of The Rat Pack -- but not this one. It's depressing that this is what he got.

Neil Diamond – “Song Sung Blue” -- July 1, 1972

I don't like Neil Diamond. I don't particularly dislike Neil Diamond either. To me, Neil Diamond exists when I am reminded of his existence and then flickers out as soon as I am no longer forced to think of him. This song sounds like a nursery rhyme. Subject: Everyone gets sad sometimes and sings the blues. There are good songs about that. This is not one of them.

Bill Withers – “Lean On Me” -- July 8, 1972

This is one of them. Not just good, but great. The melody is simple, as is the concept. But it keeps building and building. Truly great.

Gilbert O’Sullivan – “Alone Again (Naturally)” -- July 29, 1972

Well this song is weird. It's jaunty, though it is in minor key. And it's about how the narrator was stood up at the altar and plans to kill himself. And how also his mother was destroyed when his father died. And how his mother died too. And now he's "alone again, naturally." I don't like it at all. It needs to be different musically, and even then I wouldn't like something this wildly depressing.

Looking Glass – “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)” -- August 26, 1972

A lot of sailors want Brandy, but she's in love with a man whose only true love is the sea and that's why she turns them all down. That's her excuse, anyway. I think she wants to be a sailor like the guy, and she understands not wanting to settle down because she doesn't want to either. It's a fun song to sing along to.

Three Dog Night – “Black & White” -- September 16, 1972

It's a song about racial harmony. It's simplistic, but that's okay, it's a pop song. I wish it weren't so musically simplistic.

Mac Davis – “Baby, Don’t Get Hooked On Me” -- September 23, 1972

The narrator is telling "you" that he can tell you're falling in love with him, and that you shouldn't. A guy did this with me once. Turned out he was actually falling in love with me and was projecting or something. So that's how I see this song. Except the song is worse, because it's incredibly annoying musically, with a weird beat and strange gaps. Also it's smarmy.

Michael Jackson – “Ben” -- October 14, 1972

Michael Jackson was only 14 when he sang this song, so I'm not going to get into it deeply. It's a friendship song to a killer rat in a horror movie, though so... that's a thing.

Chuck Berry – “My Ding-A-Ling” -- October 21, 1972

It's a 46-year old man pretending to be a little kid singing about his own dick. I can't begin to comprehend why it was a hit, or why it was even a thing in the first place. Yech. Moving on.

Johnny Nash – “I Can See Clearly Now” -- November 4, 1972

In the song, the narrator still has problems, but he can see how to solve them, finally. It's sort of reggae-ish, but very lightly. It's a great, optimistic song.

The Temptations – “Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone” -- December 2, 1972

This song takes a bit to get going, but I don't mind at all. The music and instruments keep changing up, and the great bassline propels it all. It builds up the tension in a great way. Then, finally, a Temptation starts, "It was the third of September." I'm not to that point listening to the song yet, and I didn't look it up. But I know this song. It's in my blood. It's unflinching. "Never heard nothing but bad things about him." The song doesn't try to pretend to any uplifting or hopeful message. But it feels so good. That's the blues, whatever genre it's slotted into.

Helen Reddy – “I Am Woman” -- December 9, 1972

"I am woman, hear me roar." She's not roaring. She's meowing maybe. Maybe if Reddy had sung the song with more power, people would have been scared by it. I like the lyrics, which are sadly still very relevant, though we have come far. But the music belongs with some peppy love ballad.

Billy Paul – “Me And Mrs. Jones” -- December 16, 1972

Oh god I love this song. Billy Paul's a jazz singer, and uses his voice like an instrument. And he gets every drop of sadness out of the song without melodrama. He's not self-pitying, and while he's heartbroken, he's still thoughtful. It's a beautiful song about an adult going through being a cheater. For someone with a conscience, "going through" is the right term. This guy's not sleeping around carelessly. "We both know that it's wrong." He fell deeply in love with someone else. It happens. The song is beautiful and heartbreaking and I adore it.

BEST OF 1972:  "Papa Was A Rollin' Stone" by The Temptations  WORST OF 1972: "My Ding-A-Ling" by Chuck Berry

[sloppy-butcher]

General hcs for a couple killers of your choice?

I had a lot of fun writing these! I tried to choose killers that aren’t so popular so hopefully, y’all can enjoy some different hc’s. Thank you for the ask

edit: i spent WAAAAAAYYYY too long on this, like god DAMN. idecided to only do two because.. i mean… look how much i wrote

General Killer HeadCanons 

Demogorgon

Of course, the beast has no gender.  The creature from the upside-down was not made to have sex or breed therefore it carries no genitalia/sexual desires. There are other creatures from the upside-down whose job it is to breed thus the Demo is made only to hunt and kill. However, for the sake of simplicity, it will be referred to as a male. In fact, it was the survivors and other killers who all simultaneously agreed that the Demo was a boy. There was something remotely male about him and when one started calling it “he” everyone else followed.

When he first arrived, the older, more civilized killers such as Evan and Adiris where all extremely put off by the beast. They all wondered why the Entity would entrust its food to… basically a wild animal. This job required a certain level of cognition and planning all of which he clearly lacked. But they were all surprised when the Demo performed his job perfectly. He understood what was needed of him and provided the necessary nourishment to his new master. It can even be said that maybe it was the doing of the Entity itself that made the Demo a reliable killer. Maybe it reached into his head and rewired him until he had gained a small level of human intelligence and retrain.

Regardless he is still an animal. His portals and connection to the upside-down, although limited within the Fog, gives Demo the ability to traverse the realm with ease. As a sort of precaution and insurance, during the time in which the Entity retreats into itself in order to recoup energy, It removes his bloodthirst. It drugs him and makes him placid and when he finds something fun to chew on, let’s say one of Sally’s dresses or Kazan’s kanabō, it removes his strength and makes his teeth blunt. His teeth leave no damage.

The other killer treats him like a stray dog. When they see him approaching them, they try to shoo him away. Anna threatens him with her hatchets, once even hitting his square between his shoulders. Even Herman, after finding out the Demo had no brain for him to cut open and dissect, shocks him if he ever gets too close to Lérys. The Legion members used to let the Demo hang out with them but after swallowing whole at 4 of their masks Frank finally said enough is enough and no longer allowed Demo into the lodge.

The Demo once encountered a survivor out in the woods. It was Jake who was alone and scavenging for new toolbox parts. When Jake realized that the Demo wasn’t going to attack him, he edged closer and offered the beast his shitty old toolbox. The Demo happily chewed on it and Jake discovered that he was ticklish under his chin. He found out that if he scratched in a certain way, Demo would almost purr and open his mouth exposing the many rows of teeth. Jake was repulsed by the sight and by his bad breath.

The Hag (Lisa Sherwood)

It can be assumed that Lisa came from the swamps around New Orleans sometime during 1920′s. She is the descendant of the enslaved Western Africans brought to America and with regard for her ability of ‘witchcraft’ she is related in some way to voodoo.

She lived in a small swamp village and was raised by the elders since her parents had to consistently work in the ever industrializing world. Regardless she enjoyed her life in the village surrounded by fellow children and being taught the ways of her people through her elders.

She went with her mother once into the nearby city and that was where she encountered jazz music. She fell in love with it immediately and begged her mother for a radio. This was also when she learned her name. “Lisa” her mother called her when they meet an intimidating businessman. That wasn’t what the elders back home called her and it confused her.

When she was chained in the basement of the cannibalistic family, fighting desperately for her life, she broke her right arm. She refused to scream and used a piece of your torn dress to tie the break together. This is the arm the Entity would later twist into the murderous claw.

It is because of this first encounter with the businessman and the many others like him, that Lisa developed a strong dislike for Evan. He spoke just like them and she associated him with them and all the horrible things they had done to her. 

She is one of the few killers all the others know about. When newcomers arrive the Entity offers them a warning to stay out of the swamp. Lisa was a complicated case, so broken that there was no way to calm her down without destroying that killer instinct It craved. So instead, the Entity just told everyone to leave her alone completely but what it didn’t know that eventually, Lisa did calm down. At least, in the off-time she did. 

Lisa mostly stays in her swamp but the few times she did go off to explore she encountered a few people. She liked Anna the most, although that’s not saying much. She liked that Anna could sing but hated how it didn’t give her the same feeling that jazz did. She can’t dance to Anna’s lullaby.

The best way to make friends with Lisa would probably be to just be around her. She won’t directly chase you out of her realm so if you were to sit amongst the reeds and quietly watch the dancing fireflies she’d allow it. She would be too tired from being hungry and angry all the time that she’d just stay away and not cause conflict. 

One day she might walk past you and notice you drawing her teleporting mark on the ground around you. She’d look at them and produce a throaty growl which could be mistaken for annoyance or anger. But rather than attack you she’d begin to erase them all only to redraw them with her claw. She’d eventually look up to meet your eyes and you’d smile. She’s surprised. No ones smiled at her like that in so long.