#jaytimnet

[my-one-love-is-music]

Beneath These Sheets

Summary: Jason Todd was a man who'd experienced love and loss. Love had made him stronger, but when did loss become too much? Ten years was a long time to hold a grudge, but Jason was excellent at remembering and holding on to anger. The only thing that was uncertain, was what was to come after it was all over. 

Length: 7.6k

Rating: Mature

Author’s Notes: I got super obsessed with this fic after I got the idea. I hope that you're ready for this. Feel free to yell at me in the comments as much as you like after you finish reading. (Here you are @tanekore, I hope you’re ready.)

Also on AO3!

“Great thanks,” Jason said, cradling the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he worked to clean the blood off his gun and hands. “No, you’re amazing. That’s more than enough. More than I really could’ve hoped for, honestly.” He turned and leaned against the sink, giving Tim a look where he sat on top of the toilet seat lid. “Yeah, I’ll let you know how the intel checks out. Thanks, bye.”

He ended the call and slid the phone back into the pocket of his leather jacket. It was pretty old – the zipper was broken and the edges more than a little frayed. But he loved it. Couldn’t get rid of it, even now. Wouldn’t want to, with how long he’d had it.

Jason sighed, gathering his wits before turning to the mirror to check over his appearance. The harsh light of the gas station bathroom only served to exaggerate the wrinkles that had formed around his eyes and lips – the latter from years of frowning rather than smiling.

His eyes roved over his hair, now mottled with more grey than he ever expected to have in his life and that only served to accentuate the white streak that he’d gotten so long ago.

“You’re more grey than black now,” Tim said, wrapping his arms around Jason from behind after noticing the looks he was giving himself in the mirror.

“Speak for yourself,” Jason muttered, voice filled with all love and no heat. Tim’s own locks had become a salt and pepper mixture. However, the lines around his mouth were a result of years of smiling and laughter. The crow’s feet around his eyes hidden by his glasses, the lucky bastard.

“Ready to go?” Jason asked.

“Yeah, where are we off to this time?” he asked, pulling away and making Jason miss the phantom touch of his warmth.

Jason picked up his gun and stuck it in the back of his jeans. “We’re off to new York City. Well, the part people don’t like to acknowledge anyway.”

“We better get going then.”

Jason pulled the bathroom door open and walked out, Tim following behind him closely. The gas station was mostly empty, only a few people browsing through the chips and candy, and the worker didn’t even look up from the magazine they were looking through at the counter. It was better that way. Better if they didn’t acknowledge each other.

He pushed through the doors and veered to the right to where he’d left his motorcycle. He swung his leg over and released the kick stand as Tim’s arms came around his waist, bringing their bodies close together.

They left the parking lot behind. Took to the roads and left behind the buildings that would no doubt crumple to dust. That would disappear with time just as they would. Jason used to not give the future much thought because in all honestly, he didn’t think that he’d live this long or make it this far, but now it always chose to come back and haunt him. Taunt him with the things he knew he couldn’t have.

The miles merged into nothing. Time flowed into one thing-into nothing-as he moved. Wove past cars and exits, only looking towards his destination. The one goal that had kept him moving. Kept him from breaking and absorbed every effort that he made in life.

The first thing Jason did was a find a hotel that was stable and where the management didn’t ask any questions. He paid in cash and gripped the key hard in his hand. The old-fashioned kind – metal heavy and bulky in his grip, so unlike the sleek keycards that everyone was so used to handling now that most things were automated in such a way.

He pushed the heavy door open and tossed his small duffel bag on the bed before falling down next to it. He sighed and closed his eyes, the day’s exhaustion hitting him faster than he remembered it used to. Yet more often than not, his tiredness and the ache never seemed to leave. Always clung to his body to remind him that he couldn’t rest yet. Couldn’t stop.

“Go ahead and sleep. You’ve got a few hours before it gets dark and a few more hours after that before the real baddies come out to play,” Tim said, sitting down cross-legged next to him and running deft fingers through his hair.

“Baddies, huh? I haven’t heard you say that in a long time,” Jason quipped, eyelids falling half-closed.

“Hush,” Tim reprimanded and Jason turned into him, inhaling his barely-there scent before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

Jason shivered and groaned. His stomach sunk down through his legs and out his feet. Hell, it probably sunk all the way down to, well, Hell. He was in the middle of the road and suspected he was down near Crime Alley, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. He looked around and found no one. Not that that wasn’t out of the ordinary. The people who were out at this hour tended to stick to the shadows and kept themselves from being seen.

He looked around himself and tried to get a handle on his surroundings. He felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. He needed to do something. Be somewhere. He had to be. Had to go. Had to move.

Jason took off. Feet pounded the pavement in that familiar way they always did. The repetitive movements comforting even as worry bloomed in his chest and nagged at the back of his mind. His feet took him down familiar streets and routes, urging him back to where he needed to be. Where he had to go.

His chest felt too tight and it was hard to breathe. Everything felt strange. Every muscle in his body drawn taught. Not moving fast enough and for the first time he questioned why he wasn’t on his bike. Wondered where his bike was because if he had it, surely he’d make it in time.

Jason rounded the last corner, sprinting down the street towards the apartment. Too long, too long. It was taking too long. He flung the doors open and charged towards the elevator. Empty lobby. That was never a good sign.

He jabbed the call button for the elevator. Kept pressing and pressing and pressing. He could feel his heartbeat in his toes. He wanted to run. Climb the stairs and get to where he needed to be. Push his body to its limits. But that would take too long.

Finally, the sleek, silver doors slid open and he stepped inside. He jabbed the button for the top floor, glad when the doors shut right away. He bounced on his toes, wincing and impatient as he slowly crawled up past the floors that didn’t matter. Weren’t the ones he needed.

Jason was sliding through the doors when they opened. Running down to the empty hall only to freeze when he came to an open door.

“No! No, no, please God, no!” Jason reached out with a shaking hand. He knew now. Knew what he was going to find. What he was dreading. Remembering was always the worst part. He could handle the denial, but as soon as he remembered…it was all over.

He pushed the door open and stepped inside because reliving one of his worst nightmares was the only way to bring it to an end. Bring him some kind of reprieve rather than staying in the nightmare that he wanted to forget. Wished he could go back in time to stop from happening.

The light was eerie – blinking from an over-turned lamp somewhere off in the living room. The entrance was always so deceptive. Always gave him that fake sense of hope that this time would be different. That this time, he’d made it.

Jason stepped through the pristine entryway and turned the corner, steeling himself for what he knew he was going to find there.

The sight of the blood still made him stagger backwards even though he was expecting it. Still brought him to his knees and punched all the air from his lungs. The same effect it always had when he was met with the sight of-

Jason woke with a gasp, bolting upright as his chest heaved and the first dredges of sweat began to dry on his skin. A hand on his shoulder had him turning to face Tim who had a worried expression on his face.

“Same dream again?” he asked.

Jason nodded and Tim climbed into his lap without being prompted, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and holding tightly. Jason pulled Tim as close as he could, yearning for the feeling of their bodies pressed closely together even as he felt the pounding of his heartbeat in every recess of his body and soul. Thought that Tim could probably hear it if he didn’t feel where it thudded against his chest.

He buried his face in Tim’s neck and sighed as Tim carded his fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp with long fingernails. Slowly, ever so slowly, the tension eased from Jason’s shoulders. His heartbeat settled into a steady rhythm and he managed to come back to himself. Remembered how far he’d come over the years. Handling the nightmares never got any easier, but finding his sense of peace and equilibrium happened faster than it used to. Something he was grateful for.

“You should get a shower before you go. Order some room service,” Tim murmured, voice breaking through the quiet that had settled between them.

“Shower later. I’m probably just going to get sweaty and grimy and possibly bloody again anyway. But room service, yes.” Jason made no move to get up after he finished talking.

“You can’t order if you don’t let me up,” Tim said, huffing out a laugh.

Jason sighed dramatically and uncurled his body from around Tim who fell out of his lap to sprawl over the bed. He got up and walked over to the phone and looked over the limited menu that was available.

“You want anything?”

“No. I’ll pick something up later if I’m hungry.”

Jason dialed the number and was happy when they picked up quickly. “I’d like to place an order for room service. Steak and potatoes for room 213. Yeah, thanks.”

He dropped the receiver into its cradle and pulled the armchair next to the bed so he could prop his feet up while he waited.

“Are you going to come tonight?” Jason asked as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, his exhaustion returning now that his adrenaline was fading.

“Yeah, I think so. It’ll be better than staying in this dump.”

“Are you going to go all out and suit up?” Jason joked with a laugh.

Tim rolled his eyes. “I shouldn’t be wearing that much spandex at this age.”

“That never stopped B.”

“Point.”

A knock sounded on the door and Jason groaned as he got to his feet. He pulled the door open and took the tray from the bored looking woman and let the door fall shut. He retook his seat and picked up the cutlery, cutting into the steak quickly to begin eating the surprisingly good food for the place they were staying in.

He finished quickly, caring less about what the food tasted like and more about getting it down so he could get going. Tim huffed at him, but knew that it wouldn’t be an argument that he would win. It never was and they’d had it enough times for him to let it go once in a while, especially since Jason had already suffered through a nightmare.

Jason left the tray on the small table before he began rummaging through the duffel bag he brought with him. He laid out several plates of body armor before pulling out his trusty red helmet.

Like the rest of him, it had obviously gotten a beating over the years. The paint was chipped and dingy. Faded in some places despite all his efforts to keep it painted and looking new.

“That’s going to need some upgrades soon,” Tim spoke up from where he was sprawled.

“It’s been in need of upgrades for a while now. You should get on them,” Jason shot back.

“You could’ve gotten it taken care of instead of waiting for me to do it.”

“No I couldn’t,” Jason said, pulling off his jacket and shirt. “You always do my upgrades.” He sighed as he was once again greeted with the sight of how he looked. There were far more scars than he could keep track of littering his skin. And his stomach was less defined than it used to be, his body’s response to the burger joints that he liked to frequent, much to everyone’s dismay.

He grabbed a black technical shirt and pulled it over his head before he started latching on his body armor. Once that was finished, he slipped his arms through his gun holsters and secured them, pulling on his leather jacket last, smoothing his hands over the sides in a gentle caress. A quick switch from jeans to cargo pants completed the look and brought a change to Jason’s demeanor. One that said he was ready to kill.

“Ready?” he asked, turning to find Tim had thrown on a black hoodie and a spare domino. “Really? That’s what you’re wearing?”

“I told you that I wasn’t doing the spandex thing. It’s not like it matters. They’re not going to notice me anyway and it’s your gig.”

“Let’s go then. The sooner we get them to talk, the sooner we can keep moving and find our next target.” Jason checked through the window to make sure that there was no one out on the landing. When he determined that it was clear, he slipped out the door with Tim and hurried down the stairs to his bike.

He was glad that night had fallen and brought everything into shadow. The motel they’d chosen was perfect, located in an area where even the worst light pollution dared not reach and run down enough that it didn’t even bother with security cameras. And placed where no sane person would go out at night. But Jason wasn’t exactly sane. Hadn’t been in a long time. If ever.

The decrepit buildings that Jason parked next to after speeding through the streets should have been demolished years ago. And would’ve been, if the city actually cared about the people who it was supposed to look after. Now they were a space for the homeless to seek shelter and the scum of the city to do dealings. And it was exactly the place where Jason would find the people who he’d been looking for.

The building across the street – the one he suspected was the worst looking of them all – looked empty. Completely deserted, in fact. But you didn’t get very far in this area if everyone knew where you were. Jason drew his gun and sprinted across the street, immediately blending into the shadows of the doorway. He gripped the handle and turned, pulling it open easily. The hinges didn’t even creak which was a miracle with how old the building was. Jason just assumed that he was lucky like that. For once.

Tim shadowed him as they slipped inside, easily catching the sound of voices in the silence of the building even if they couldn’t quite make out what was being said. Jason rushed forward, quickly getting swallowed in the dark depths of the yawning blackness. Soon all that existed was his heartbeat, the excitement, and the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

He found the dim lighting quickly, not even pausing to assess the situation, just jumping straight into the group of three men and taking them all to the ground before they even knew what hit them.

“Now that I’ve got your attention,” he said, pressing the barrel of his gun against the back of their leader’s neck, “I’ve got a few questions for you. Ten years ago a hitman was sent to Gotham. You have clear ties to the person who was sent and the organizers who hired him. I’m looking for them and have little patience so it’d be best if you told me everything you know.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? You’re crazy,” the guy underneath Jason grit out, shaky voice giving away his rising panic as he shifted uneasily and uncomfortably against the hard concrete.

“Don’t lie to me,” Jason snarled, pressing him further into the ground.

“I’m not lying! I swear! I-“

Jason pulled his gun away from his head and shot the guy to his right in the leg. His howl of pain tore through the silence and cut off the frantic explanation the leader was trying to give.

“Now...who was the hitman?” Jason growled. “I didn’t come here to kill you, but I won’t hesitate if you decide to be an idiot.”

“Okay, okay…I’ll talk,” he gasped out, heaving underneath Jason’s hold. “I don’t know the names of the people who organized the hit, but the guy they contracted goes by the name of Morrison. Just Morrison. Nothing before and nothing after. People will know who you’re talking about if you ask around. That’s all I know, I swear.”

“It better be,” Jason said before smashing his head against the ground and knocking him unconscious.

“Criminals just aren’t as strict with themselves as they used to be,” Tim said, finally stepping out of the shadows.

“I thought you’d be happy about that at least. My hands aren’t getting as dirty as they used to.”

“They’re still getting that dirty, just not as often.”

“Whatever. Now that this is done we can find out more about our lovely friend Morrison and what he’s doing.” Jason stowed his gun and headed back the way they’d come. Having the darkness press around them this time was more eerie than when it had happened before. He didn’t have his target guiding him or the extra voices, just the low whimpers from the man who he’d shot.

Once he was free of the building, Jason took to the streets, Tim keeping up with him easily. Everything began to blend together. He tracked down people and then beat them until he got his answers. Some were more willing to offer up information than others and Jason had no qualms with using as much force as necessary even with Tim watching him every step of the way.

Jason was vibrating with energy and leftover adrenaline by the time he made it back to the hotel. He stripped off his jacket almost immediately after stepping into the room. He tossed it onto the bed and his helmet followed before he was reaching for the clasps on his armor and stripping himself as fast as possible, eager to get out of his uniform.

“Someone’s anxious,” Tim said, removing his domino and hoodie and starting a smaller pile of clothes next to Jason’s things.

“It’s hard not to be,” he said, pulling Tim to him and covering his lips with his own. “We got a solid lead on Morrison that’s taking us back to Gotham. Progress hasn’t been this fast in years and I know that once we confront him, we’ll find the people behind it all. It’s almost over. It’s all almost over.”

Jason’s lips moved along Tim’s jaw until he was licking and sucking on his neck making Tim gasp and clutch at his shoulders. He backed towards the bathroom, reveling in the whispering touches that Tim left over his skin. Left him wishing that he could have crescent-marks carved into the skin of his shoulders for all eternity.

He reached blindly for the shower, shoving the curtain aside so he could reach the tap and turn it on. They maneuvered into the tub and Jason cursed when scalding hot water hit his back. He pulled their lips apart and scrabbled for the knobs in the hopes of cooling it down.

Tim chuckled behind him and Jason let out a relieved sigh when he didn’t feel like he was going to have his skin burned off, but still had heated water washing over him. He looked over his shoulder and quirked an eyebrow but Tim only shook his head, reaching for the soap instead.

Later that night as Jason was on the edge between wakefulness and being asleep, and he was running his fingers through Tim’s barely damp hair, he found himself never wanting to give this up. He wanted to be with Tim like this forever and hoped that nothing was coming in the future would change that. No matter what he was met with or what happened.

Jason woke as the sun spilled through the curtains and across his face. He wasted no time in getting up and changed and checked out, along with a grumbling Tim. After all, he had business in Gotham that night and didn’t want to have to put it off in case something unexpected were to happen. It was one of the reasons why he was so grateful to miss any traffic that he might’ve encountered.

One drawback was that after only being back in Gotham for a few hours, everyone inadvertently knew he was back and he had an unwelcome guest show up at his door.

“What do you want, Dick?” Jason asked, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms.

“Can I come in?” he asked, obviously exasperated by Jason’s immediate coldness.

“No.”

“Let me in, Jason. I don’t think that you want your neighbors hearing everything that’s going on. It might make them a little worried.”

Jason sneered, but stepped aside reluctantly. He shut the door and leaned against it, not wanting to let Dick any farther into the apartment. Didn’t want him getting comfortable and staying longer than Jason wanted him, which was not at all. Tim stepped into the entryway to observe even as Dick sighed and turned to face Jason.

“Jay…” he sighed.

“No, Dick,” Jason interrupted. “We’ve been over this. Nothing that you have to say is going to make me change my mind about this.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. I don’t want you to keep hurting yourself over this. It’s been ten years, I want you to move on and heal like the rest of us have been trying to do.”

“I won’t get hurt. And I’ll be able to move on when this is over. I’ve finally got the lead that I’ve been waiting years for. There’s nothing that you can say that’s going to deter me,” Jason said, shaking his head.

Dick held out his hands, palms opened towards the ceiling. “Surely, Tim-“

“Tim understands. He understands me and understands why I’m doing this.”

“Jason-“

“Dick,” Jason said, stepping forward and wrenching the door open. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Dick sighed. He did that a lot around Jason. “This conversation isn’t over,” he said, walking past Jason and into the hallway.

“Keep telling yourself that. We’ve been having this same talk for ten years. It didn’t change anything from day one and it won’t change anything now.”

“Bye, Jason. At least try to visit the Manor soon,” he said before walking down the hallway.

Jason watched him go for a moment before shutting the door.

“He looks older every time he comes around,” Tim said.

“Anyone that decides to pay a visit looks older. We look older. That’s the beauty of ageing,” Jason said, walking back into the apartment.

“You should visit with Dick more often. And I don’t mean for more lectures. I mean actually going to the see him at the Manor. And, I can’t believe I’m saying this, maybe Damian, too. Even he didn’t come out of what happened unaffected.”

“You’re right, I can’t believe that you’re saying that,” Jason said, throwing an arm around Tim’s shoulders and pulling him towards the living room. “But you can continue to lecture me and I’ll pretend to listen and be remorseful as we lay on the couch. I still have several hours before I need to suit up and I can’t promise that I won’t fall asleep.”

“If you’re just going to fall asleep then you should lie down in bed so you don’t get a stiff back.”

“I like that idea better. Come on,” he said, changing course for the bedroom.

Jason stretched out on the bed first, letting Tim crawl in after him to find which position he wanted to be in.

“Are you coming with tonight?” Jason asked, rubbing his thumb against Tim’s shoulder.

“No, I think I’ll stay in. Maybe do a bit of catch up on what’s been happening in Gotham.”

“Catch up? You’re never behind on what’s going on.”

“Oh no. It seems you’ve found me out,” Tim said sarcastically.

Jason smiled and let his eyes slide shut as Tim continued to talk, paying attention to every word despite what other people might have believed.

Jason landed heavily in the alley below, his boots kicking up water around him. The downpour hadn’t started long after he’d left his place, but he was barely paying attention to where the water had already seeped through his jacket and chilled his skin.

He moved silently through the back streets, any sound his feet would’ve made was either eliminated by his own training or drowned out by the pouring rain. He hadn’t run into any other criminals since being out, not that he’d been moving that long, but it was always nice when the weather kept them away and he could have an easy time of navigating the streets of Gotham. Even if other people chose to stay inside, he knew that he’d find Morrison. Everything felt right as though it was all starting to fall into place. He was close and the years were finally culminating where he’d needed them to meet up for so many years.

Jason saw a curtain flicker and stopped in his tracks. It obviously hadn’t been done with the best of care because it let a sliver of light through and onto the pavement below. If it hadn’t moved, he honestly wouldn’t have noticed that it was a curtain, the color matching any sort of darkness that swallowed up the details of the room beyond the glass. It was enough though and he knew that he was exactly where he needed to be.

A menacing smirk slipped onto his face but before he could pull out his gun, a body dropped down from the building in front of him. He threw an arm in front of his face and forced his body backward, feeling the cut of a blade as it sliced through his jacket and subsequent skin easily. He staggered backwards a couple of steps, boots sloshing through the water as he fought to maintain his balance and prepare for a secondary attack.

“I don’t know who you are, but I don’t take too kindly to people snooping around my territory,” the man growled.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re Morrison. You’re the guy that I’ve been looking for,” Jason said, falling into his trustworthy fighting stance.

“And what would you want if I am?” he asked.

“Some information. Ten years ago-“

Morrison, and there was no doubt that it was him, rushed forward before Jason could finish speaking and thrust his blade again. Jason just barely evaded, using his outstretched arm to pull Morrison’s body towards him, bringing his other hand to the back of his neck and shoving him to the ground.

“Ten years ago,” he grunted, “you were hired to complete a hit in Gotham. I know that I don’t need to name who it was on, because I know that you know. Now do us both a favor and tell me who sent the hit. I’m not after you, I’m after your old employers,” Jason growled.

Morrison reared back and shoved Jason off of his back, twisting around and using his hand as momentum to push off the ground and follow after Jason. He got on top of him quickly and made a quick downward slash with the knife, making a large cut down the side of Jason’s other arm as he brought it up to defend himself.

“I’m not employed by so many high-status people because I let others get the best of me so easily,” he grit out. “I’m not going to tell you a thing and you’re about to meet the same fate that I delivered to him all those years ago.”

“I don’t think so,” Jason said, bringing his legs up and flipping him over his head to land heavily on the asphalt. He pushed himself to his feet quickly to keep him in sight and did his best to shake away the dripping blood that was quickly soaking the leather of his jacket sleeves. He pulled his gun from one of his holsters and held it up, aiming straight for between Morrison’s eyes as he slowly got to his feet, eyeing Jason warily.

“Do us both a favor and tell me who employed you.”

“Not a chance,” he growled, switching the knife to his other hand.

Jason sighed and shot him in the leg quickly. He dropped to one knee and Jason was impressed that he didn’t make any sound of pain. There weren’t many people like that around anymore. He looked up at Jason, hate and anger burning steadily in his eyes.

“I’m sure that you’ve got someone you care about. Please don’t make me track them down and hold them at gunpoint so that I can get you to talk.”

“No one. There’s no one,” Morrison spat.

“Oh really? Then who was the person who made the curtain twitch? Because I know that wasn’t you,” Jason said, gesturing to the building behind Morrison. “And since this is your ‘territory’ I know that only people you allow to be here would be in these buildings.”

It was barely perceptible, but Jason saw his eyes widen a fraction and knew that he had him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Morrison said, voice wavering slightly, even as he tried to sound convincing in his lie.

Jason shot him in the other leg, forcing him to fling his arms out to keep himself from hitting the ground too hard.

“You know, you’re a really bad liar. But I guess your ability to fool people isn’t what gets you hired, now is it?”

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later. Now, who hired you?” he asked, kneeling down a foot or so away from Morrison’s face.

He stared at him, wanting so badly to fight back. Jason could see it. He could also see the moment when he chose to give in to the situation and let it go. It had happened ten years ago, he probably thought that keeping the information to himself wasn’t worth it any longer.

“Fine. It was a group of four men. They were all the heads of prominent organizations that had ties to illegal activities. It wasn’t long before they got busted and they wanted revenge. So they brought me on in the hopes of taking out the person who revealed their information and could get working on building themselves back up again. You’re looking for Fitzpatrick, Mackay, O’Leery, and Stale.”

“See, was that so hard?” Jason asked. He pushed himself up from his position and turned to walk away, until he felt a knife imbed itself in the back of his leg. “Motherfucker!” He stumbled and turned to look at Morrison who was grinning up at him. He pulled the knife from the back of his leg, probably not the smartest move, and threw it to the side before limping out of the alley.

It was a struggle to make it back to his bike, the blood coming quickly and mixing with the rainwater that flowed down his clothes. The encounter had not gone at all how Jason had expected, but he got the information that he wanted and now he could go back to the apartment and get all cleaned up. He’d then be able to turn his focus to finding the group of men. He remembered the names well, wouldn’t be able to forget them even if he tried.

And if what Morrison said was true about them getting back into illegal activities, then he shouldn’t have a problem finding them all having a meeting together. It would be easier than having to track them down one by one.

Jason had nearly lost consciousness on his drive back to the apartment and was probably being more reckless than necessary, but he knew that it wouldn’t do to sit around too long with the state of his wounds. He needed to get stitched up fast and get in bed with a computer.

The crawl up the fire escape, and it was pretty close to a crawl, was awful and he nearly fell into a heap on the floor when he pushed through the window, thankful that he hadn’t reset the trips on the security when he left. He felt sluggish and his body felt heavy. He wanted to sleep. This was not a good sign. He definitely lost too much blood.

“What the hell happened to you?!” Tim screeched, darting up from his place on the couch.

“Morrison was a little tougher than I expected,” Jason said, trying to laugh it off, but only ended up groaning deeply. “Mind giving me a hand here, Babybird? Sorry about the jacket.”

“Christ, let’s get you into the bathroom. And don’t worry about the jacket, you can get another one.” Tim said pulling his arm over his shoulder.

“But you gave this one to me.”

Jason shuffled slowly and was so thankful that his bathroom was so close to the living room and that he didn’t have very far to go. He sat down heavily on the toilet seat and began by stripping off his jacket. With much more effort he stood, a bit wobbly on his feet and shoved down his pants, leaving them pooled around his ankles. The cut on the back of his thigh was the worst of the three and he knew that needed to be taken care of first.

He reached for a disinfectant wipe from the first aid kit that had already been set out and cleaned the blood from around the large cut. After throwing the used wipe into the trash he took the needle that Tim was holding out to him and brought it to the back of his thigh, using his other hand to pinch the skin together which left him in a rather awkward position.

“Why don’t you let me do that?” Tim asked, reaching out.

“No, it’s better if I do it. Gives me something to focus on through the pain. Can you reset the security trips and clean up any mess that I might’ve made?”

Tim sighed, but left him alone to go do as he asked.

By the time Jason was finished stitching his skin back together, he was heaving out breaths from the pain. He’d forgotten how big of a bitch stitches were and they only seemed to be worse now that he was older. He leaned back on the toilet and dropped the needle into his first aid kit, grabbing another disinfectant wipe for his arms. Those cuts were much shallower and didn’t look nearly as bad once he’d gotten the blood cleaned away. His jacket had taken most of the beating, keeping him from serious harm.

He pulled out two pairs of butterfly sutures and closed up the skin relatively easily. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. He still felt incredibly weak and probably would for the next couple of days due to so much blood loss, but he couldn’t let that stop him. Not when he was so close to his goal. Even though he’d gotten this hurt, he was sure that the men who he was still up against wouldn’t have any fighting experience. He wasn’t looking for information from them anyway, just revenge.

“I can’t believe you got this hurt!” Tim said, stalking back into the room now that Jason was finished.

“This ain’t nothing. I’ll be fine,” Jason said, smiling crookedly.

“Fine?! You could’ve died tonight Jason! None of this is worth your life! It can’t be!”

“It is, okay?! I would die a thousand deaths for this. For you! You’re the one I’m doing this for anyway!” Jason shot back, suddenly more furious than he’d been in a long time.

“I never asked you to!” Jason could already see the tears welling up in Tim’s eyes. “Live your life and forget about what happened to me!” Tim choked out a sob and rushed from the room, leaving Jason to stare after him.

“Like I could ever do such a thing,” Jason muttered. He sat back down and leaned his elbows against his knees. It had been a long time since Tim had gotten that mad at him. And he had been reckless, but this was almost over. After he confronted the group that had organized everything, he’d put down his helmet for good and move on. He’d told Dick he’d do that and Tim had even given up being a vigilante years ago, despite how much he’d enjoyed it.

Jason reached down and undid the laces on his boots before kicking them from his feet. He shoved his pants free and undid all of the plates of his body armor, leaving them on the floor. He turned on the shower before stripping off the rest of what he was wearing and stepping under the hot spray. The water felt good against his skin, especially after the rainwater had soaked him, leaving a chill in his bones.

After his shower, Jason found Tim curled up on the bed. His breathing was even, meaning he’d long since stopped crying, but was still awake.

“Tim?” Jason asked softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed in his towel and reached over to run his fingers over his arm.

Tim rolled over to give him a look and Jason saw how red his eyes still were.

“I’m sorry for what happened tonight. One more night is all I need. And then this is all going to be over. I promise. After tomorrow, I’ll put away the helmet for good. No more crime fighting for me.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Jason leaned forward and captured Tim’s lips with his own. “Now I need your help to track down a little group of people for me…”

Jason thought the universe had to be fucking with him. There was no way that it could be so easy to find the people who had ruined his life when it had been going so good. But it was so easy. And Jason was reassured of that fact as he stood on top of a stack of crates in a warehouse. There was no one guarding them. No one hiding in the shadows to protect these men. They really didn’t learn anything from hiring hitmen and hiding behind their money.

“Well, well, well…everyone came out to play and no one decided to invite me?” Jason asked, voice ringing out and startling the group from where they were talking in hushed voices. He dropped down, landing in a crouch and they all staggered away from his sudden appearance, obviously shocked that someone had found them. “Good thing I like to invite myself places then.”

“You!” Mackay cried. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to have a bit of fun and deliver some justice to a group of scumbags who got off far too easy thanks to the corrupt justice system and the amount of money you were able to pour into lawyers and offer in bribes.” Jason pulled both of his guns from the holsters and pointed them at both ends of the group.

“Look, man,” Fitzpatrick said as they all hastily raised their hands, “whatever you want. We’ll give you whatever you want. You don’t need to kill-“  

“What I want?!” Jason roared, last dredges of his patience and controlling snapping after ten years of waiting and searching. “What I want is dead! And you fuckers had him killed! And now I’m going to kill each and every one of you for taking away the best thing that ever happened to me. For taking away the one person who I loved the most and will always love the most.”

“That was ten years ago!” Stale said frantically.

“And I’ve been hunting you four down every single god damn day for those past ten years. I having nothing else to say to you other than I’ll see you all in Hell, motherfuckers.” Jason let lose four quick gunshots before any of them could even move, let alone draw more breath to plead their cases. Four bodies crumpled to the ground around him and blood began to pool at the sides of their heads. Jason let his guns fall from his hands. Let them clatter to the floor next to his feet.  

“Are you wanting me to thank you for that?” Tim asked, looking down at the bodies around Jason.

Jason pulled off his helmet and watched as Tim changed. His jeans became more snug and less faded from so many washings. His button-down morphed into an old shirt with the superman symbol that he used to wear. The one that he loved to wear. His hair got a tad bit shorter and the grey disappeared entirely. The wrinkles around his face cleared up and his glasses faded from existence. Jason was left looking at the Tim Drake from ten years ago. The Tim Drake who he’d last seen before he was murdered.

“You’re a ghost,” Jason accused.

“I’m not a ghost. You’re the only one who could see me and I can’t affect anything on the physical plane. I’ve merely been a manifestation of your desire,” Tim said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Even in death, you’re lecturing me and proving how much smarter you are. So you were never here. You were gone as soon as you were killed and this was just all in my head,” Jason said, laughing hollowly. He felt himself crumple that much further at realizing just how much was taken from him in that moment that happened so long ago.

“Wrong again, Jason. I didn’t disappear. I continued and will continue to live on in your heart because of the love you have for me. I’ll always be here, always have been, even if it might not seem like it.”

Jason felt the tears slide down his cheeks. Choked on a sob as the full impact of what was happening finally hit him. “I love you, Tim. I’ll never stop loving you.”

Tim walked over to where he was standing, fond smile that used to be so familiar, tugging at his lips. Jason used to kiss away that smile, used to love turning those lips cheery red and swollen. “I know, Jason. I know you loved me. And I loved you, too.”

Tim reached up and cupped the side of Jason’s face, and now more than ever, Jason was yearning to feel his body heat there, the recognition that Tim was still alive somehow. That his heart was till beating and blood was pumping through his veins. But it never came. That was all snuffed out years ago when Jason found Tim’s lifeless form in their apartment. His body was surrounded by blood and his cold hand was outstretched. Reaching for his bo staff that was lying just out of reach. His beautiful blue eyes that had once held such a great spark were lifeless and dull.

Tim guided him down until their lips met for one last kiss. Jason felt like his very soul was breaking with how tender it still was, his mind searching to remember exactly what this kind of kiss used to feel like. He wanted to hold and cherish that memory forever. He knew that a part of himself was finally being put to rest with Tim after all of these years.

“Thank you for loving me,” Tim said as he pulled back. Jason watched as he faded in front of his eyes, even as more tears fought to cloud his vision. It was almost as though a wind that couldn’t be felt was blowing him away bit by bit, sweeping him off to both fade into the past and become immortalized for eternity: past, present, and future. Finally taking Tim to where he belonged. Was supposed to have been for years.

Jason blinked his eyes to clear away the tears and looked around himself, orienting his mind with the present. The past was done. This chapter of his life was closed and he might just be able to move on with life. He would always love Tim-that was a fact of who he was. It was part of his identity that he would never be able to let go, but that didn’t mean he had to suffer for it. Jason bent over and set his helmet down on the floor. He took a steadying breath and stepped forward, finally able to look towards the future and leave his bloody and gory past behind once and for all.

[bottomtim]

Hey odd question! Are you guys still modding the jaytim network? Did you want help or anything??

totally not odd at all! i feel kind of bad for letting the net fall to the wayside, but I’ve been thinking recently of resurrecting the net as more of a blog and less of a network. because quite frankly, i don’t know how to run networks and i don’t think our other admin, who has more experience, is interested in the project anymore. so in the future i may run the blog again, or may ask for help running the network! would anyone else be interested in this?

also, PSA to any members who have access to the blog, you guys can reblog anything jaytim related you want to the blog :).

[souliebird]

So because people are fucking dickwads, I've decided fuck everyone and have deleted Viska, Small & Unassuming, Caged Birds Don't Sing, and Of Oversized Sweaters and Soft Thighs from ao3. They are still in my fanfiction tag on my tumblr if anyone wants to dig through that to be disappointed I'm never going to update them. They all fucking end the same now, a meteor crashes into Earth and everyone dies.

[timdrakedotcum]

*quotes othello so yall know im cultured* 

anyways here’s the aes meme i tag @nightbitchwing @detectvecomics @enansaal

[my-one-love-is-music]

It Takes Two Ch. 1

Summary: After waking up an evil scientist's lab, Jason and Tim quickly find out that they're bonded through their pain. Thinking that they can easily deal with that until they find a way to stop it, they keep it under wraps from everyone else. But when Bruce witnesses Tim's unexplained pain, the truth comes out. After that, getting benched is the worst that could happen, right? Wrong. Tim and Jason learn that it's quickly becoming a race against time before one of them breaks and the other loses all sense of pain and feeling, which wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't fallen in love along the way.

A/N: This fic is going to be so fucking self-indulgent I swear. I got super obsessed with Kiznaiver and that is where this fic is coming from because I couldn't help but wonder how that sort of scenario would play out with JayTim. So here we are again. :D Enjoy the first chapter!!!

Also on AO3!

               Tim woke with a gasp, looking frantically around himself. He was in some sort of lab and when he tried to roll over, found his wrists and ankles bound to the medical table he was on with metal shackles. He looked over to his right and found Jason in a similar state. It was a good thing that he’d made sure to put on a domino underneath his helmet since his characteristic red hood was currently missing.

               “Hood? Hood!” he hissed harshly, trying to wake him up. The last thing that he remembered was chasing after the scientist that they’d been watching for the past few months. And waking up now tied down to a table. “Hood! Wake up!”

               Finally, he shifted and groaned. Tim saw his arm twitch, almost as though he was trying to bring a hand to his head to rub there in wonder as to why the fuck he had such a bad headache. Tim knew, because he had a headache of his own and suspected Jason wasn’t in any better condition than he was. He watched Jason’s brow furrow in confusion as he slowly blinked his eyes open. He looked over and finally registered Tim on the table next to him.

               “Red? Why am I shackled to a table? I realize that I’m quite the catch, but I’m not sure how I feel about getting this kinky the first time around.”

               Tim’s glare was lost in his domino, but he was almost certain that Jason was aware of his reaction. “Little less joking, little more helping me get us out of this and find where our crazy scientist has gone.”

               “Well, well, well,” a voice said, crackling to life around them, before a large screen lit up with his image.

               “Found him,” Jason supplied.

               “Yes, thank you. I have eyes to see.”

               “Looks like my problematic duo has re-joined the world after all. I was starting to get a bit bored with no one to play with.”

               “Yeah, and now would be a really good time to let us go so that we can come play. And by play, I mean kick your ass,” Jason said.

               “I’m afraid that’s going to have to wait a little while. I have an experiment to conduct first. You see, I’m working on perfecting a new brand of technology that connects people through their pain. That means, from here on out, the two of you are going to share each other’s pain. When one of you has gotten hurt, the other person will feel it.”

               Tim shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the table underneath him. “Great. More crazy scientist dudes. I’m so ready to call it a night and order a pizza.”

               “As long as you make it pepperoni, I’m in,” Jason said. “Now are you going to let us go or not?”

               “Of course. Have fun getting out of the hospital alive,” he said as his image was replaced with a countdown. Once it started, the shackles around their wrists and ankles were released.

               Tim jumped off the table and looked around himself. They were in a pretty empty room with minimal medical equipment. He spotted his belt next to Jason’s helmet on a table near the door. He hurried over and slung his belt on, tossing the helmet over his shoulder to Jason who shoved it onto his head and quickly joined Tim near the door.

               “Let’s go Red. Not that I haven’t had an absolutely lovely time with you so far, I would rather get out of here and order that pizza you were talking about.”

               “Sounds good to me,” he shot back.

               They rushed through the door and found themselves in a half-lit hallway that looked like it came straight out of a zombie apocalypse film complete with flickering lights, dirty floors, and overturned medical equipment that had been abandoned. They barely made it a quarter of the way down the hallway before bright floodlights came up and several slots along the wall slid up, allowing pre-programmed lasers to aim around the room.

               “Shit,” Jason cursed, pulling Tim out of the path of one of the lasers and up against the wall next to him, his grip tight on his shoulder.

               “Are you fucking kidding me?” Tim groaned.

               “’Fraid not. We’ll just have to manage as best we can getting through this.”

               “I hate lasers,” Tim said, sliding up underneath the range of one and out of reach of its partner on the opposite wall. He pulled out his bo and swung it up, breaking the main body from the arm that was holding it.

               “You and me both, Red,” Jason said from behind him. “But if we keep that range with your bo, it shouldn’t be a problem taking all of these out down the hallway.”

               Tim surveyed the hall in front of them and checked the timer that he’d already programmed into his gauntlet. “I don’t think we’re going to have time for that. We don’t have much time to get out of here and sneaking up on each part of the wall is going to take too long.”

               “So what you’re saying is…”

               Tim collapsed his bo and took a couple of steps back. “It’s a good thing that we trained with Batman and had an acrobat to influence us.” Jason watched as Tim launched himself forward and carefully avoided the paths of the lasers. His hands clenched into fists a couple of times and he winced when a laser came a little too close for Jason’s comfort and nearly made contact, but Tim’s slim frame was enough to weave through the path until he was safely on the other side of the hallway.

               “See? Not too bad! Now it’s your turn,” he called back.

               “Let’s hope that I can still manage to get through tight spots like I used to,” Jason muttered under his breath. He was glad that he still had his agility and flexibility even with the added bulk and height. He stepped further back than Tim had and let his eyes follow the paths of the lasers until he was sure of their pattern. He took a steadying breath before launching himself forward and jumped over the first one, using his hands to vault over the path of the second pair.

               From there he made quick work of the rest of the hallway, his nerves driving him forward and causing him to be slightly less cautious than he normally would if he’d had more time to cross the maze of laser beams. He told himself that he just didn’t want to end up buried beneath rubble. And he just really, really didn’t like lasers. Jason winced as soon as he pushed off the ground for his last jump. He knew that he wasn’t high enough and as he came over the other side his leg would make contact with the laser’s path.

               He grunted as he crashed to the floor and pushed himself up quickly to assess the damage around his smoking pant leg. Luckily, the laser had only barely grazed him and left an angry red line rather than a missing chunk of his flesh.

               “Fuck,” Tim hissed behind him and Jason turned to find him clutching at his leg.

               “Red? You okay?” Jason asked, pushing himself to his feet and testing his leg. It stung a bit, but nothing that he couldn’t easily walk off.

               “It feels like I just got sliced in the leg.” He paused and looked intently at where Jason had gotten hit. “You don’t think what that scientist was saying is true, do you? About connecting people with their pain?”

               “Oh, but I did, dear, old Robin,” a voice echoed in the hallway. “You really did just experience the same pain that Red Hood did when his leg came in contact with that laser. Now I suggest you hurry if you want to make it out of the building before time runs out. Even with your shared pain, I don’t think the two of you will be able to survive being crushed under a building.”

               “We’ll talk about this later. For now, let’s just get out of here,” Jason said, pushing himself to his feet.

               “I can at least agree with you on that,” Tim said, quickly following him into the stairwell. They sprinted down the stairs. The hospital they were in wasn’t that big, having been left when it became too small to deal with the medical demand, so it didn’t take much time at all for them to reach the ground floor. They burst through the doors and found themselves on the bottom floor and at the back of a large reception area. Immediately, the androids that were wheeling around the floor turned to them.

               “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jason groaned. “First lasers and now evil robots. Perfect.”

               Tim pulled his bo out and extended it with a flick of his wrist. “Better than lasers.” Jason watched as he jumped into the fray and began attacking anything and everything within reach. He sighed, only momentarily relaxing before a sharp pain emitted from his side. He looked up to find Tim had taken a blow from one of the robots.

               “Damn it.” He followed after Tim and fought his way through so they were back to back. “Try to at least avoid getting hurt now that we’re both feeling any hits that the two of us take. I’d rather not come out of this looking any worse than I should be.”

               “That goes double for you then,” he said, swinging his bo around again. He sent a kick to an approaching robot, shoving him backwards into the ones behind him. “Let’s just get out of here. We can’t waste time fighting these things off, especially when we only have-shit.”

               “What?” Jason hissed, shoving a group of robots backwards.

               Tim grabbed the back of his jacket and tugged him away from the battle. “We have to get out of here. Now.”

               Jason followed closely behind Tim, fighting off any robots that strayed too close. Tim pulled them to the door and reached out to push it open, but only ended up slamming up against it instead. Jason managed to stop himself from running into Tim, but he still felt the brunt of Tim running into the door. Tim only spared a minute to curse under his breath before he was getting to work on hacking into the system that kept the door shut and locked. Jason kept himself occupied with fighting off the robots that were insistent on pestering them despite their desire to leave.

               “How you doing back there, Red?” Jason asked and grit his teeth as he took another blow to the side. He was feeling much more wearied than he was used to. Not that he had much experience fighting off an army of robots, but he figured that a group of thugs could be considered somewhat of an equivalent. The ones that knew how to fight, anyway.

               “Almost there. Just try not to get hit so much. It breaks my concentration,” Tim answered and Jason grit his teeth at how tense he sounded.

               Jason picked up one of the robots in front of him and used it to take out the few robots waiting behind it. For one blessed moment he didn’t have a new opponent to take on. And then a new line of robots stood up and moved toward him. He groaned. He really, really hated robots. Almost as much as lasers.

               “Done,” Tim said hurriedly and grabbed hold of the back of Jason’s jacket. He stumbled slightly before gaining his bearings and rushing after Tim. They made it a handful of feet away from the building before there was a distinct rumbling behind them and the old hospital was coming down.

               “Shit,” Jason cursed and launched himself forward. He brought them both to the ground, cradling Tim’s head against his chest and covering his body with his own. Tim curled against him, burying his face in Jason’s jacket as dust and dirt billowed around them. Jason recognized the slight stinging in his back from where Tim had taken the hit of the fall and winced as he made to move off of him, only then realizing that he himself must’ve been hit by something.

               Tim pushed himself into a sitting position and groaned. “I’m exhausted. I could sleep for at least two days now that this whole thing is over. For now.”

               “Wow, only two days?” Jason quipped, manoeuvring himself next to Tim to look at the remains of the hospital that they’d just been in. “Your ability to go without sleep astounds me. I need at least a week.”

               “I assume you know what’s going to happen from here?” Tim asked.

               “You mean that we can’t tell the rest of the Bats about this? The fact that you think I don’t understand the gravity of this wounds me. After that and fighting off an army of robots, I don’t know how I’m going to come back from this.”

               “You’ll survive.” Tim was silent for a moment. “Thanks though. I wouldn’t have been able to get out of there on my own.”

               “Don’t go getting all sentimental on me, Red,” Jason said, pushing himself to his feet. He held out a hand that Tim took gratefully and got pulled to his feet. “My bike should still be around here. Want a ride back to your apartment? You might be cutting it close with how late into the morning it is if you try and grapple back across Gotham.”

               “I don’t think my body would be able to hold up if I tried,” Tim admitted honestly.

               Jason slung an arm around Tim’s shoulders and pulled him next to him. They slowly trudged across the open lot towards a different set of buildings where Jason had stowed his bike earlier. It was still hidden in the shadows and Jason wheeled it further out to the edge of the alley. He swung a leg over and settled down into the seat. Tim climbed on, too tired to really care what anyone would think when he wrapped his arms around Jason’s stomach and sagged against him.

               “I know you’re tired, but try not to fall asleep back there. I don’t need the entire Batclan coming after me if you end up as a pancake on the street.”

               “Just go. I’m not that tired,” Tim huffed.

               “Suite yourself,” Jason said, bringing his bike to life. The low rumble was comforting, so much different from the sound that had signalled the end of the hospital building mere moments ago. Tim closed his eyes as the wind brushed over them both. It tugged at his cape slightly and he reached behind him with one hand to gather the material and tucked it between their bodies.

               The ride felt like it took no time at all before they were slowing and carefully turning into an empty alley next to Tim’s apartment building.

               “Alright Red, here we are. Apartment, sweet apartment.”

               Sluggishly, Tim pulled himself from the motorcycle and moved off to the side where he could get a clear grapple shot to the roof. “Thanks for the ride. Keep an eye out for any crazy scientists?”

               “And an ear open,” Jason said, nodding.

               Tim shot his grapple to the roof and pulled himself up quickly without looking back. He heard more than saw Jason turn his bike and leave the alley behind making for either his own place or one of his safehouses. He silently crept down the fire escape to his window and disabled his security before slipping inside. He redid all of his triggers and nearly ripped off his domino when he was done.

               He almost decided to skip out on a shower. Almost. He was tired, but he wasn’t that tired. He flicked on the light of his bathroom and finally got a glimpse of how tired he actually was. His hair was mussed from the ride and still had noticeable traces of dust in it and his eyes were dull which made the bags underneath stand out even more. He might need more than a couple of days to get his energy back after everything he’d been putting into their case and the lasers and robots that they’d had to deal with.

               Sighing, Tim turned on the water for his shower and began to undo the clasps of his suit and let piece by piece slowly accumulate into a pile on the floor. He felt nearly half asleep by the time he shoved his pants and jock strap down and would’ve missed it if he hadn’t looked in the mirror before stepping into the shower. If he’d missed it, he might’ve been able to live in blissful ignorance until Jason found his.

               Over his left hip bone and unmistakeably bright, was Jason’s symbol. Tim rubbed at his eyes, sure that he was hallucinating, but each time he looked back, the red bat was still there. He tore his eyes from the mirror and looked down at his hip himself, running his fingers over the shape. The skin there was perfectly smooth, scars notwithstanding, and there was nothing to indicate that it hadn’t always been a part of his skin.

               He wasn’t sure if it was his sluggish brain that kept him from running screaming from the bathroom right away, but Tim fell to the floor and dug through his clothes before he got to his comm that had been left in the pile. He activated it quickly, thankful that Jason still had his in and picked up.

               “Is something wrong? I literally just got back to my own place and don’t really feel like driving back across Gotham,” Jason answered wearily.

               Tim would later claim that it was also exhaustion that kept his brain-to-mouth filter from working properly, too. “You’re in me,” he blurted.

               Jason choked. “Excuse me?”

               Tim smacked his forehead. “No. Not like that. I mean…what I’m trying to say is…your symbol. Your symbol is on me.”

               “My symbol…is on you. Okay…why?” he asked, slowly.

               “I don’t know, but I was taking off my uniform and found your bright red bat on my hip. And if I have to wager I guess, I’m going to say that it was our lovely scientist friend that put it there.”

               “Are you sure that you’re not just forgetting a drunken night at a tattoo parlour?” Jason asked.

               “Not unless you had one to. Now strip and tell me if you find anything.” Tim felt his nerves rear their ugly heads. He didn’t think that he was wrong, but he really didn’t know how to explain it if he was. The line was silent for a few moments, but Tim was sure that he heard the rustle of fabric from the other end.

               “I’m too tired for this shit,” Jason huffed. “Why can’t we deal with a normal scientist for once?”

               “Because we’re not that lucky. Is yours in the same place as mine?” he asked.

               “No.”

               “Feel like elaborating?”

               “No.”

               “Jas-“

               “It’s on my chest,” he said quickly. “It’s on my chest. Over my heart.”

               “Oh,” Tim said, mind immediately going blank. Jason had his Red Robin symbol over his heart.

               “Fuck,” Jason breathed.

               Fuck, indeed.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Promises of Tomorrow’s Yesterday ch. 11

I'm excited for this chapter because progress happens!!! Aghhh!!

Merry christmas, happy holidays, merry winter! Whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate, here's an update for you regardless!

Cheers!

Also on AO3!

Tim landed heavily on her bed and threw an arm over her eyes, chest heaving. She’d practically run home after her workout, adrenaline and energy coursing through her veins. She felt strangely giddy and thought that if she let herself, a bit of hysterical laughter would probably slip out. She moved her arm and pushed her fingers through her hair.

               She was trying to hold on to the anger that had kept her going since she woke up in this universe and had dictated her actions with Jason, but she felt it slowly disappearing. He always knew how to get under her skin. It had happened once before and now he was doing it again. Getting behind her defenses and making her care about him. She knew it was only a matter of time before all of her walls came crumbling down and she knew that Jason knew about that.

               Tim groaned and buried her face in her hands as she sat up. She felt a smile tugging at her lips and practically wanted to smack herself over something so ridiculous. Shaking her head at herself, she pushed herself from the bed and grabbed a clean change of clothes before heading into the bathroom. She turned on the water and started to strip out of her sweaty workout clothes before stepping under the hot spray, humming to herself as she reached for the shampoo.

               She stepped out of the shower feeling incredibly refreshed and dressed with a small smile on her face. Tim dumped her sweaty clothes in the hamper and went to crawl onto her bed when there was a knock at her door.

               “Come in,” she said, confused on who as coming to her room.

               “Mistress Timothy,” Percy began, standing in her doorway, “your parents are in the dining room and waiting for you so that dinner may begin.”

               Tim nodded and swallowed down the panic that was pushing up her throat. She followed Percy down the stairs and through the Manor before being ushered into the dining room where her parents looked at her expectantly before she hesitantly sat down.

               “Thank you, Percy,” her mother addressed the butler before picking up her cutlery to begin eating. Tim quickly followed, hoping that this dinner wouldn’t last long and she could have her escape.

               There were a few blessed moments of silence before her mother spoke up again.

               “We received a very interesting phone call from your principal today.”

               It took all of Tim’s willpower for her to not freeze up where she sat. She swallowed the bite of food that was in her mouth before speaking. “Oh?”

               “Yes. He told us that our son had come to school wearing the girls’ school uniform. And that when he called you into his office, you explained to him that you weren’t breaking the dress code and that even if there was a rule against boys wearing skirts, you would still be within your rights of the code because of your genderfluidity. Would you care to explain just what this means? Are you going through some sort of phase, Tim? Is this your idea of acting out because if it is this isn’t funny.”

               The sharp tone that her mother’s voice had taken on at the end of her tirade made her wince. She sighed and set her fork down before turning to her parents.

               She took a deep breath. “I’m not acting out. And I’m not joking. I’d never joke about something like this. As much as you might not like it, I’m genderfluid. I identify with both the male and female gender as well as neither gender. I’d like for this not to create a rift between us and I would prefer if you’d be able to accept me for who I am. I know that you probably don’t consider this to be ideal, but it’s who I am and I’m not going to force myself to be someone I’m not.”

               “Tim, I just don’t understand. You used to be such a happy and carefree person. You had no problems doing your schoolwork and enjoyed just keeping to yourself.”

               Tim smiled bitterly. “If you took the time to actually talk to me and get to know me rather than shove me to the side in favor of your jobs and Gotham’s elite, you would know that I wasn’t quite as carefree or happy as you thought I was. I had no problems with schoolwork because that’s what I’d do in order to make an excuse to be alone. I’m happy now, being able to express myself as I would like and being true to myself. I enjoy my job and am happy doing what I’m doing. I’d like for you to be able to respect that at least.”

               She pushed her chair back and stood from where she was sitting, hands balled into fists.

               “Timothy!” his father protested.

               “If I may break in,” Percy said, stepping smoothly from his place near the door. Everyone’s gazes snapped towards where the butler was standing, hands clasped behind his back.

               “Percy?!” Tim’s mom screeched.

               “Master and Madam Drake…I understand that this situation is difficult and unexpected. But I believe that it would be best for everyone if you gave Mistress Timothy your support in her life and desires.”

               Everyone stared at Percy, utterly speechless at his short and supportive statement. Tim grinned at him, expression bright and hopeful. She looked towards her parents who were staring open-mouthed. Slowly, their gazes slid towards each other and they shared a look that Tim had no hope of beginning to understand. Tim’s mom put a hand over her mouth and stared at a spot on the table intently.

               “Tim,” she spoke suddenly. “I would appreciate it if you could give your father and I a moment alone to talk about this.”

               Tim nodded once before stalking out of the dining room. Percy stepped out behind her and shut the doors on her parents.

               “I’m sure that everything will be alright, Mistress Timothy,” Percy said in a reassuring tone.

               Tim simply ducked her head and grasped the bottom of her shirt, hoping this was going to turn out better than what happened in her original universe.

               After what felt like a century, the door was pulled open by Tim’s father. He looked over her once and stepped back, beaconing her inside. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders before walking inside, determined not to show any sign of weakness in front of her mother. She swallowed thickly when she caught sight of the woman in question. She had her eyes covered with one of her hands and remained motionless in her chair as Tim made her way back to her own.

               She was silent for a moment after Tim took her seat. “You know,” she began softly, breaking the silence, “I always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter. I thought that I wanted one for a time, but knew that I wouldn’t have more than one child because the responsibility would be too great. It looks like we weren’t entirely prepared for a single child with how stellar our parenting has been.”

               Tim just stared, unable to comprehend the fact that her mother had just used sarcasm.

               “But,” she said heavily, letting her hand fall away and looking Tim square in the eyes, “I never expected to have a genderfluid child either. I’m even further out of my element than I originally was when I had you. What I’m trying to say is,” she said, looking towards her husband, “I’m out of my depth here. It’s going to be difficult and it shouldn’t have taken this to make me realize that I need to actually get my head out of my ass and try to be a god damn parent for once.”

               Everyone gaped at her. She’d never failed to use what she considered proper language before.

               “You’re going to have to be patient with me, but I want to try to support you at least. And if it means that I get to take you shopping at the best boutiques Gotham has to offer, then that’s just an added bonus. So…I’m sorry for my harsh words from earlier and hope that you can forgive me from my absence in your life so far. There’s nothing that I can do to make up for all of those years that I’d pushed you aside, but I can make myself a presence going forward. If that is something that you would like and appreciate.”

               Silence descended on the group as Tim continued to stare and much to her surprise, unbidden tears overflowed and streamed down her cheeks. The reaction startled her mom who sat forward quickly, hands extended in front of her.

               “Tim…?” she asked.

               Tim brought her hands up to her face, wiping at the tears furiously. “Thank you. Thank you, Mom. I never thought that this would be the reaction that I would get, but I…thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.” She stood so abruptly that she nearly knocked her chair over. “I have to go tell Jason,” she gasped.

               Her mother tutted, stopping her in her tracks. She smiled softly. “You can talk to him later. We should finish dinner first.”

               Tim nodded and wiped away the last of her tears before sitting down and turning to her food once again.

               Dinner took far longer to complete than she would have liked and it was with an exasperated wave of her mother’s hand that let Tim sprint from the room and up the stairs to her bedroom. It wasn’t until she pulled out her phone that she realized she didn’t have Jason’s phone number. And it took her another minute after that to question why she needed to tell Jason in the first place. She petulantly threw down her phone on her bed and crossed her arms, utterly irritated.

               She buried her face in her hands and let herself fall sideways onto the comforter, picking at a thread that had come loose from the top stitching. With a groan she grabbed her phone before shutting off her bedroom lamp and forcing herself under the covers. She could easily wait until the next day when she would see Jason again at work.

               Tim reached over to their alarm as it went off and pulled it towards them. They shut off the sound and reached their hands over their head to stretch. They let their limbs fall heavily onto the pillow above their head and smiled up at the ceiling, feeling more content than they had in a while. They pushed themselves up and walked over to their dresser, pulling out their uniform for the day.

               They gathered up their backpack and everything they would need for school that day before heading downstairs to grab some breakfast. Tim nearly dropped their backpack when they walked through the doors of the dining room and found their parents sitting at the table.

               “Shouldn’t you be at work?” they didn’t mean for their voice to come out quite so accusing, but this wasn’t exactly something normal that happened every day.

               Their mother smiled. “I thought that it would be nice for the three of us to have breakfast together today.”

               Tim nodded dumbly and slowly walked over to their chair, sitting down carefully. They set their backpack on the floor next to them and began to eat, aware that their mother was watching them intently.

               “My pronouns for today are they/them,” they said, glancing at their parents out of the corner of their eye.

               Their mother gave them a relieved smile. “And that means that you don’t identify as a boy or girl today right?”

               Tim nodded and took another bite of fruit. “Yeah. And if you’re ever unsure of how I’m identifying for the day, just ask for my pronouns, okay?”

               “Okay,” she said, turning to her own food.

               Tim felt their excitement getting to them and ate their food far faster than they probably needed to. They pushed their plate away and headed out of the dining room.

               “See you later!” they called over their shoulder as they burst through the front doors to the Manor and raced down the drive towards the gate and the bus stop. Tim practically ran all the way there and waited, bouncing on the balls of their feet until the bus rumbled up to the stop, letting them on.

               Tim tried to keep the grin form their face, they really did, but with little success. They walked into school feeling much better than the day before and knew that they were probably going to have a tough time concentrating with all of their pent up energy. Work that afternoon was probably going to be pretty exciting with how happy they were.

               They nearly sprinted from the building when the final bell rang. A few people had made snide comments to them about their skirt from the day before, but nothing could honestly bother them at the moment and a few nasty remarks weren’t going to bring them down. Instead, they hurried down the street to Bane’s gym and pulled open the front doors. They smiled at the man working the front desk and scanned their card, hurrying across the gym floor to the locker room. They caught site of Jason already on the mats warming up and saw a few people beginning to gather around the edge of the mat for the class.

               Tim changed quickly, stuffing their things into a locker before hurrying back out to join the group. They dropped their gloves at the edge of the mat and began to wrap their hands as they started going through their stretches. After stretching, they shook out their limbs and looked over at Jason who was watching them curiously. They gave him a bright smile which he easily returned before they stepped to the center of the mat to address the group that had gathered there.

               “Welcome everyone! This is our first beginner’s boxing class and we’re glad that all of you could join us today. If you wouldn’t mind spreading out on the mats, we can get through some warmups. If you have any questions or need to follow along, Tim and I are going to be your guides today.”

               The group formed three lines across the mat and Tim and Jason stood several feet apart to give everyone a view of at least one instructor. Without thinking, the two of them launched into their stretch routine that they would often do before sparring with each other. Tim was a little surprised when they realized it, but thought it was only fitting that they still knew each other so well.

               “Everyone’s looking really good this afternoon. Now we can get around to the punches,” Jason said, holding up his hand. “There are three main punches that we use in boxing and the combinations that are thrown include different patterns of the same punches.”

               Tim and Jason each took up their boxing stance.

               “This is the stance that you will use for the class. If everyone could try and mimic our postures we can come around and make any necessary corrections.”

               Splitting up, the two of them wove their way through the lines of people, making any necessary adjustments. Once that was completed they headed back to the front of the group.

               “Great! Now, the first punch is a jab. It’s just a straight punch,” he said, demonstrating. Everyone copied the motion and Jason nodded his head. “Next are hooks. You can do these with both your right and left hands, but the motion is the same. And finally, uppercuts. Again, these can be done with both the left and right hands like so.”

               The class progressed well and Tim was ecstatic when they were finished.

               “If anyone has any questions Tim and I can answer those for you before you leave,” Jason said, bringing an end to the session. Tim waved off several people who thanked them for their work and watched as Jason handled a few of the patrons who had questions, going over proper stances and technique. Left alone, Tim picked up their boxing gloves and slid them on before heading over to one of the heavy bags.

               They began with one of the simpler combinations they’d taught that day to get the feel of it on the bag. Before long, they were throwing complex punches and had even added in a few kicks to work out a bit more energy.

               “Someone’s in a good mood today!”

               Tim turned to find Jason smiling down at them and beamed up at him. “I have good reason to be.”

               He raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

               Tim ducked their head and bit their lip. “Yeah. I uh-told my parents last night. About my genderfluidity. They took it better than expected. Mom said that she was going to try at least and be around more than she has been.”

               They nearly squawked in surprise when Jason picked them up and spun them around.

               “That’s so great, Tim! Congratulations! I’m so proud of you,” he said, setting them down and taking a step back.

               Tim rubbed the back of their neck and felt themself flush. “Yeah. I-uh, wanted to tell you last night, but I didn’t have anyway of getting a message to you or anything.”

               Jason chuckled. “Tim if you wanted my phone number, you could’ve just asked.”

               “Shut up,” they grouched, flushing even further.

               “Here,” Jason said, holding out his hand. Tim looked up at him and made no move to do anything. “Come on, give me your phone and I’ll put my number in it.”

               They sighed. “Jason, we’re in the middle of the gym. My phone’s in my backpack which is in one of the lockers.”

               “Right,” he said letting his hand drop. “Come on, then. I should probably head out anyway and you should too. I’m sure that you got in enough boxing for the day with the class and the extra work that you decided to do.”

               Tim shrugged and followed after him into the locker room, picking up their gloves along the way. They opened their locker and pulled their bag from it. They stuffed their gloves into their backpack and pulled off their hand wraps adding them to the mix, too. Digging around further into their bag, they found their phone and pulled it out, before zipping it back up and slinging the strap over their shoulder.

               A phone was shoved into their face and they looked up to find Jason smiling at them. They smiled back and took the phone, replacing it with their own. They entered their number quickly and held it out to Jason who took it back and placed their phone in their hand.

               “Thanks, Tim,” he said, leaning in and placing a light kiss on their cheek before walking out. Tim stared after him, a funny feeling coming to life in their chest. It was familiar, and, strangely, not unwelcome.

[my-one-love-is-music]

JayTim, "Is this an actual emergency, or an 'I ran out of marshmallows' emergency?"

“Is this an actual emergency, or an ‘I ran out of marshmallows’ emergency?” Jason huffed as he pushed through the window to Tim’s apartment, because in all honesty, the way the past few weeks had gone, it could be either.

Jason looked around the empty apartment and furrowed his brow before cupping his mouth with both hands and calling “Tim?”

Jason shook his head and walked further into the apartment hoping that he wasn’t about to find his boyfriend bleeding out in the bathroom for the second time that month.

Finding the bathroom empty, he continued further into the apartment towards the only other place he could be: their bedroom.

“It’s neither really,” Tim’s voice said, drifting from behind the cracked doorway that he’d just pushed open to find Tim kneeling in the center of the room, dressed in a tux and surrounded by rose petals with a small, velvet box in hand, “more of a proposal.”

Jason stood there, open-mouthed as his chest constricted and his eyes filled with obvious tears that caused a caring and loving expression to come across Tim’s face as he stood and walked over to him.

[bottomtim]

let’s play an ask game!

i’ve seen this on twitter but i want to do it here, too: inbox me a time [ex 1:23], i’ll put my playlist on shuffle and post the song + lyrics from the time you sent.

does this make sense?

[my-one-love-is-music]

Not Who He Seems

Happy Birthday day @barbaragordamn!!! I've finally got this fic edited and up for you! I really enjoyed the concept (it might be a little rushed at the end but I was running out of time) so I hope that you enjoy it and have a spectacular birthday!!! Hope this brightens your day. :* Love ya!

Also on AO3!

               “I see the expression on your face when you think no one’s looking.”

               Tim swallowed thickly, doing his best to stare up at Jason’s sneer defiantly as nerves bubbled up inside of him. “And what do you think you see exactly?” He angled his body away from Jason’s, hands balled into fists at his sides.

               “I see someone who’s sad. Who’s trying desperately to connect with other people, but can’t seem to manage it. Like it’s an impossible puzzle too complex for the smartest person in this school. I see someone who’s looking at the world almost as though from the outside. Separated by a pane of glass that you have no idea how to break through. No idea how to break free of the constraints that are holding you and determined never to let you go. And after all of that, you can’t quite figure it out because surely someone as smart as you would be able to figure it out.”

               Tim scoffed and turned away from Jason. He tried to discretely wipe his sweaty hands on his jeans while his mind whirled frantically, searching for some form of response. Something to convince Jason that he’s wrong, even when he’s more correct than he ever could’ve dreamed. “And what exactly do you want, Jason? What does your proud declaration of who you think I am as a person expect you to get?”

               “Do I have to want something?” he asked, chuckling.

               Tim laughed bitterly. He chose to ignore the slightly hysterical tone that probably creeped into his voice. “Everyone else wants something.”

               He heard Jason step closer and could practically feel the heat radiating from him. “Well I’m not everyone else. I don’t have any expectations of you. I think it might do the world some good to let everyone see the real you and not the mask that you’ve so carefully crafted over the years.”

               White-hot anger surged through Tim’s veins and he whirled around to glare at Jason. “You know nothing, Jason. My mask and this barrier that you keep talking about-who says that I did it on purpose? Who says that it wasn’t forced into being or born of necessity? Maybe you should rethink your idea of me. Not everything is as it seems.”

               With one last look, Tim stalked away down the hallway and towards the front entrance of the school. His anger was dissipating quickly and it was becoming replaced with a hollow feeling. A sense of emptiness at how true Jason’s words were even if he didn’t understand everything. He moved quickly down the steps of Gotham High and closed the distance between himself and the waiting car idling at the curb. He slid into the backseat and watched as the high school fell away seconds after his door was closed.

               He thought back to what Jason had said to him. He honestly had no idea how they’d managed to have the confrontation in the first place. Jason wasn’t his friend. He honestly didn’t have any friends as Jason so kindly pointed out. Ever since he was little, it had always been about benefits and making connections, not actual relationships. Life had been a whirlwind of people only trying to get close to him for the money his parents had or his parents encouraging him to play nice with the other rich kids in order to establish business connections early.

               Tim didn’t want any of that. He wanted to be allowed to live his life. He wanted to have a group of friends he could watch movies with and be stupid with. He didn’t want to have to worry about his appearance around other people or them possibly aiming for some form of blackmail that could be used later to take advantage of him in the business world. He didn’t even want to go into business or take over his father’s corporation, for fuck’s sake!

               He closed his eyes and rested his head against the car window. What Jason had said had some truth to it and that honestly terrified him. How many other people saw his want to be involved with something else? How many of them thought that there must be something wrong with him because he doesn’t want the perfect life or the endless wealth that his parents work so hard for? Jason probably just wanted to tell him how stupid he must be for wanting to throw all of that away. He’d grown up with such fortunate circumstances so how could he not appreciate them?

               Tim sighed as he felt the car roll to a stop and looked up at the large form of Drake Manor. He pulled himself from the car and trudged up the stairs and through the front doors. The house was silent, as it almost always was. The only times the large halls could be said to be ringing with sound was when the Drakes held their large business parties. Even then, the sound was a relief, but it wasn’t the type of sound that Tim craved and desired to hear flowing through the walls.

               He pushed the his bedroom door open and let his backpack fall to the floor before toeing off his shoes and walking over to his bed. He fell heavily onto his comforter and let himself lay there. He was so tired. So tired of everything and sometimes he just wanted it all to stop. Wanted to wake up one day and magically have a normal life instead of the one that he had. Not even all of his parents’ money could give him that. Not that they would be able to put two and two together if he asked that of them.

               Ignoring the grumbling in his stomach and the large pile of homework that was protesting from his backpack, Tim let his eyes slide shut and let sleep take him quickly. He was ready to let his dreams take over and help him forget everything that happened today. Help him forget his life.

 ~

                 A fierce pounding pulled Tim from his sleep.

               “Master Timothy! Wake up or you’ll be late for school!”

               Tim looked over at the clock on his bedside table. “Damn. I’m up! I’m up!” He pushed himself out of bed and stripped out of yesterday’s clothes. He had just enough time to take a shower if he hurried. He grabbed a pair of clean boxers and rushed into the bathroom to turn on the water.

               On his way out the door, hair still damp and clothes in mild disarray, he grabbed a bagel from the large spread that was set out in the dining room every morning. His parents were already gone and at work, not that he ever saw them at breakfast either. He slid into the car and briefly wondered why he cared about being on time to school when he didn’t care for it. Tim guessed that it was better than staying in the house if he wouldn’t be allowed to sleep. Maybe if he tried to skip school the maid would pull him out of bed. That would certainly be a new experience.

               Tim shoved the last bite of bagel into his mouth as he walked through the front entrance of his school. By some miracle, and thanks to the crazy skills their family driver has, Tim made it to school at his usual time. He knew that his hair was still fairly damp and he probably didn’t look any more put together than when he left the house, but he was far from caring. He had just stopped by his locker and grabbed the books that he would need for his morning classes when he felt eyes on him.

               He looked down the hallway and found Jason watching him from where he was leaning back against a few lockers while his friends chatted and gathered their things. He arched an eyebrow at him, but Tim just sneered and shut his locker before heading towards his class which was thankfully in the opposite direction.

 ~

                 Tim sighed and gave the correct answer yet again for a math problem that he didn’t complete the night before. He was only halfway paying attention in his classes honestly. Not that that was something out of the ordinary. He’d rather be working with computers and writing code for some new security system or piece of technology. This was one of the higher level math classes and what kept him from the end of the day and sweet freedom from this educational hell-hole.

               He’d felt Jason watching him whenever they were in the same room or hallway. His keen eyes always found him among the hundreds of students that walked the halls and it unnerved him honestly. He didn’t know why he was so fixated on him, but he wasn’t about to allow him to get underneath his skin after having to deal with so many other people.

               Tim stared up at the clock as his teacher continued to drone on and on and about what their homework for that night was going to be. There were literally seconds left and the other students were becoming restless-packing up their things and shuffling papers-everyone ready to leave after so many hours confined to the building. Not to mention the fact that it was Friday and they wanted to go out to eat or the latest party that was probably happening that night. Not that Tim was able to go to any of those, because really, who would want him there?

               The bell rang and Tim was out of his seat in a flash, sliding through the classroom door and into the hallway outside. Students poured around him from all directions, pushing and shoving to escape. Tim slipped around a corner, avoiding a large surge in the crowd and was about to sneak through a side door when something latched onto his hand and pulled him into a darkened classroom.

               “What the hell?” Tim spluttered, wrenching his hand free. He whirled around to find a grinning Jason leaned against the wall. Tim narrowed his eyes. “Great. What the hell do you want?”

               Jason shrugged. “Nothing of consequence. I want you to come out with me tonight.”

               Tim stared at him, wondering what game Jason was playing. “Out where?”

               Jason grinned wolfishly. “Just out. Out on the town. Out to have some fun. Out of your parents’ house.”

               He sighed and closed his eyes, his earlier exhaustion returning. “Why?”

               “Why?” Jason asked, confused.

               Tim looked up at him. “Yes. Why? What do you want? Why do you want me to come out with you? What is so important and what do you feel the need to do?”

               Jason grinned and moved into Tim’s space, backing him up against the door. “I want to make that mask disappear. I feel the need to get you out of your house and help you have some fun because you honestly won’t be having any at home. I want to show you a good time, because you look so depressed when you think no one’s watching.”

               Tim let his head fall back against the door. “And where exactly were you planning to take me?”

               Jason’s eyes sparkled with mirth. “On an adventure. Wherever you want to go.”

               “And if I just want to go home and skip all of this?”

               Jason shook his head. “Not an option.”

               Tim looked up at Jason and pushed off the door before pulling it open behind him. He walked into the hallway and heard Jason following after him. They walked side-by-side through the nearly empty hallways. Almost everyone had cleared out even though they hadn’t been talking that long. They had just walked through the front doors when Jason roughly pulled him to the side and behind the bushes.

               “What are you doing?” Tim hissed.

               “Trying to avoid your fucking driver.”

               He stared up at Jason, completely unimpressed. “Here’s an idea. How about instead of them calling the police because I avoided them to go who knows where with you, I tell them that I don’t need a ride home and he can leave and we can avoid police involvement and public embarrassment for the both of us?”

               “Oh. Yeah, that’s probably a better idea,” Jason said, nodding. He looked down at Tim, shocked that he was still standing there. “Well, what are you waiting for? Get rid of him!”

               Tim rolled his eyes and walked out from behind the bush and towards the waiting car. He walked over to the passenger door and pulled it open, much to the surprise of the driver. “I’m hanging out with a friend this afternoon. Go ahead and go back to the Manor. I’ll phone if I need a ride.”

               “A…friend,” he said slowly.

               Tim nodded and shut the door, rolling his eyes as soon as his back was turned. Jason jogged over to him and slung and arm over his shoulders, forcing Tim to walk with him down the sidewalk. Tim huffed and forced Jason’s arm from around him.

               “Great. Now where are you taking me?”

               “Patience young Timmy. You’ll find out in due time.”

               Tim huffed again, but stayed silent. They continued leisurely down the sidewalk in comfortable silence. He tried to go with the flow and ignore the mystery of this whole situation, but he couldn’t ignore the feeling of his curiosity and interest gnawing away at him.

               “Do you even know where you’re taking me?”

               Jason glanced at Tim out of the corner of his eye and smiled. “You’ll see.”

               Silence fell between them once again. It was even shorter than the first one.

               “You could at least tell me so I have some idea.”

               Jason hummed in contemplation. “No. I don’t think I will.”

               “And why’s that?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

               “Because it’s fun watching you squirm and trying to figure out what I’m up to. Which is nothing by the way. I’m just trying to help you get away from your sad little life at home.”

               “My life is not sad at home,” he said bitterly. Liar, his brain supplied, making Tim roll his eyes at himself.

               Jason hummed again. They turned the corner at the intersection. Tim looked up at the buildings around them. He’d never been able to walk around town. Whenever he had to go somewhere by himself or had to attend an event with his parents, they always took the car. He never got to simply walk and absorb the city and what existed around them. He vaguely wondered what it would be like to walk down here at night with everything lit up. Would it be brighter than you’d think, like Times Square in New York? Or would the lights be dim, giving the dark corners and side streets an air of mystery?

               “You don’t get out in the city much do you?” Jason asked, breaking through his thoughts.

               “I get out into the city plenty. I just don’t get to walk around the city. I’m usually toted around in a car to whatever event I have to go to.” Tim was taken aback by his own honesty. He didn’t usually share things like that with other people. He felt his face heat up and decided not to look at Jason.

               They turned another corner and Tim was immediately surprised by the amount of people that were walking around. He stopped in his tracks and looked at the shops and buildings trying to figure out why so many people were congregated here.

               “This is where most of the after school crowd comes to hang out,” Jason said, not even breaking stride as Tim hurried to catch up. “That’s the mall and there are lots of other shops and places to eat around here.”

               Tim arched an eyebrow. “So you worked so hard to bring me to the mall?”

               “Eh,” he shrugged, “not just the mall. There’s a lot more to do around here than just shop. Although I do love the local bookstore that’s at the end of the street.”

               “Bookstore?” Tim asked trying to be nonchalant.

               Jason grinned. “The best bookstore. Come on. If we hurry we might be able to get there before a large crowd shows up.

               Tim, bewildered and slightly confused, hurried after Jason down the sidewalk to a bookstore of all places.

 ~

                 Tim thought that he’d somehow got himself involved in something that he was never going to come back from. Jason was right about this being the best bookstore. He’d honestly never been in anything else like it. It had three floors and a coffee shop. Not that coffee shops weren’t already popular in bookstores and libraries, but it wasn’t a Starbucks. And it had books on books on books. His jaw had honestly dropped when Jason had pulled him through the double doors and Jason’s own eyes were sparkling with delight and joy.

               Almost immediately, Jason had hurried off among the stacks going who knows where. Tim stepped forward slowly and watched as the incredibly high shelves engulfed him. He ran his hands along the spines of hardbacks and paperbacks alike. Let the smell of paper and literature surround him. And he finally let himself smile. It was small at first, but as he turned this way and that and saw nothing but books on books on books, it became an all-out grin.

               He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d smiled so big. Or felt so giddy. And he was in a bookstore for fuck’s sake! Tim walked down the aisles slowly, eyes roving over every title trying to find something to read. A red spine with gold lettering caught his eye and he pulled it from the shelf, opening to the inside of the book jacket to read the description.

               Tim snapped the book shut and cradled it in his elbow, continuing down the row. He let his fingers drag along the shelves, something his mom would’ve chastised him for if she were there, but he ignored the feeling, letting his new sense of joy wash over him.

               “Hey, Tim-“ Jason cut himself off as he rounded the corner with three or four books already in his arms. He faltered at the incredibly open and happy expression that he wore, having never seen something so genuine come from him before. “Find something you like?” he asked, nodding towards the book in Tim’s arms.

               “Huh?” he looked down. “Oh, yeah. I think I’ll get this one.”

               Jason grinned. “Come on,” he said, grabbing his wrist loosely. “There’s something that I want to show you.”

               Tim felt a spark of warmth bloom inside his chest at the contact and let himself be led through the shelves. He shook off the feeling. One gesture of kindness and he was already letting himself get too attached. Bitterly, he reminded himself that Jason was probably like everyone else and just wanted something from him. Wanted to get close to his family’s money or get some sort of advantage after school. He swallowed thickly and kept repeating those sentiments inside his head.

               And then the shelves opened up and Tim forgot why he was trying to force himself away in the first place. He’d always wanted a bean bag as a kid. His mom had told them that it wasn’t proper for him to have one and that there were plenty of couches and useful chairs in the house already. This bookstore had forgone any concept of chair or couch to sit on while perusing books or new purchases. Instead, in the center of the store was a whole space filled with bean bags large and small that people were sprawled out on while they read.

               “Come on,” Jason said, tugging on his wrist and heading for the closest opening. He sat down heavily, pulling Tim down with him in the process. Tim landed right next to Jason and was forced closer by Jason’s weight. He looked around curiously and ran his hands over the fabric, pressing down to test the squishiness of the chair. And to Jason’s amazement, Tim giggled.

               Jason slung his arm around Tim’s shoulders and pulled him closer to his side as they settled down onto the chair. Tim smiled up at him before glancing away. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back.

               “I want to stay here forever,” he murmured.

               “Why stay here forever when you can just buy one of these bean bags for yourself.”

               “Yeah, like that’ll ever happen,” he said, snorting.

               Jason’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

               Tim’s smile dimmed. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

               Jason cleared his throat, trying to find some way to bring back Tim’s happiness. “I could honestly fall asleep on these things.”

               Tim didn’t respond.

               “Now that you know where this is, you can come back here and read every day.”

               Tim sighed, but said nothing.

               “Come on. Let’s go pay for our books and I’ll show you another great place.”

               Tim cracked open an eye and looked at Jason. He sighed and sat up. Jason scrambled to his feet and pulled Tim with him back down the aisles of books towards the front of the store. They paid quickly and Tim barely had his hand on his bag when Jason was pulling him out the door.

               “Jason!” Tim protested, nearly tripping over his own feet. “Could you maybe slow down a bit?”  

               “Sorry,” he said, sheepishly. “It’s just a little ways back up the road.”

               “What is? Where are you taking me now?”

               Jason didn’t bother responding. He just hurried down the street and pulled up short in front of a building, pulling Tim close to his side.

               Tim arched an eyebrow. “A…diner?”

               “It’s not just a diner.” They pushed through the doors and were met with what looked to be a traditional ‘50s themed place. Or it was around since the ‘50s. Tim couldn’t really tell. They were seated immediately and Jason pulled two menus from the stand on the table, handing one to Tim.

               “This place has the best burgers and shakes in Gotham. Trust me, I’ve been everywhere.”

               Tim set his menu down and looked across the table at Jason. “The best you say? Then you should have no problem ordering something that will absolutely ‘wow’ me and convince me of your statement.”

               Jason smirked. “Challenge accepted, Timbo.”

               Tim rolled his eyes at the nickname and leaned back into the booth’s cushion.

~

                 Tim tried to stifle his laughter behind his hand, but the snort he let out was unmistakable. Jason stared at him through his own laughter before laughing even harder.

               “Jason, stop…it’s…it’s not…funny,” Tim gasped out.

               “It’s so funny!”

               Tim grabbed a fry from his plate and threw it at Jason’s face, before leaning heavily against the booth cushion as his laughter died down. He grabbed another one of his fries and dipped it into the classic vanilla shake that Jason had ended up ordering for him, before tossing it into his mouth. He had to admit, the place was good and he’d like to come back sometime.

               “We should do this again sometime,” Jason said around a mouthful of fries.

               Tim stopped chewing and stared at him, wide-eyed. He swallowed and felt his cheeks flush. “Yeah. Uh, yeah I’d like that.”

               Jason grinned and tossed another handful of fries into his mouth.

 ~

                 “Have you ever been to the docks before?” Jason asked quietly as the wind whipped their clothes.

               Tim shivered, feeling oddly exposed on Gotham Bay even though there was no one but the two of them around. “No.”

               “It’s strange isn’t it? Feels sort of ominous even though there are ships constantly sailing in and out and the sun lights up everything.”

               Tim wrapped his arms around himself. “Yeah…”

               They looked out over the water. A horn sounded in the distance.

               “Jason…do you mind if we go?”

               They looked around where they were standing. “No, let’s get out of here.”

               They walked back up the dock slowly. Tim kept so close to Jason that he could feel his body heat radiating off of him. Jason wrapped his arm around Tim’s shoulders and kept him close to his side. They kept their heads down and neither of them looked back.

 ~

                 Tim and Jason stood at the bus stop awkwardly looking at each other and looking away. The sky was darkening quickly as the minutes passed, neither boy knowing how to say goodbye.

               “Well…” Tim started.

               “Yeah…”

               “I guess I should head home.”

               Jason shrugged and nodded.

               “I…um…I had fun. This was…nice,” Tim said, face flushing.

               “Yeah, it was.” Jason swallowed and looked at the cars on the street. “Are you going to be all right getting home?”

               “Yeah. I called…I called the driver. He’ll pick me up here soon.”

               “Oh.” Jason nodded. “Cool.”

               A bus pulled up to the stop and opened its doors.

               “Well, this is me,” Jason said, not making any move to get on the bus.

               “Yeah. I’ll see you at school on Monday I guess.”

               “Cool. Cool.” Jason sighed. “I’ll see you later.” He reluctantly stepped onto the bus as the doors shut. Tim watched it start down the street and ran a hand through his hair. He turned around and started walking back up the street where his car had pulled up thirty minutes ago.

               He pulled the door open and slid into the back seat, lost in thought. Something had definitely shifted between him and Jason and he wasn’t exactly sure what that was. Jason was a lot different from who he thought he was and he’d shown him so many great places around Gotham that he hadn’t even known existed.

               Tim looked up as the buildings passed by and leaned his head against the window. He didn’t want to go home and he didn’t want to have to deal with his parents. The few hours that he spent with Jason had felt like paradise. That was what he always wanted to experience. That’s what he thought friendship felt like at the very least and now that he’d gotten a taste, he was craving more. And now he was back to his usual problem and what he’d been trying to convince himself of all night: what did Jason want?

               As he trudged up the stairs to his room in the Manor, he decided that he wasn’t going to think about it. He was going to let whatever happened happen. And if Jason decided that he was going to take him for granted or take advantage of him…then Tim would deal with what that would do to him when he got there. He didn’t want to live in fear of what this relationship might mean even as tendrils of doubt creeped up inside of him and tried to ruin the happy memories that he’d made earlier.

               Tim landed heavily on his bed and clutched his new book to his chest. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, his comforter almost felt like the same material that had covered the bean bag him and Jason had shared for a few moments. He buried his face in the fabric and laid there until sleep finally started to pull at him. He didn’t put up much of a fight and succumbed to the darkness.

 ~

                 When Tim woke on Saturday morning, he was groggy and disoriented. He rubbed his eyes and looked around his bedroom. His clothes were rumpled and the book that he’d bought the day before had been shoved to the floor, still wrapped up in the bag that it had been put in. He sighed and pushed himself out of bed. He stripped out of his clothes from the day before and headed into his bathroom to shower. He felt like he needed a good, hot shower.

               He pulled on a pair of boxers and large sweatpants when he finished and threw on a tee, feeling much more comfortable and content. Tim arranged the pillows in the juncture of his wall where the bed was pushed against it and settled back against them with his new book. He opened to the first page and began to read.

 ~

                 Tim stumbled down the stairs and into the darkened kitchen. He yawned and pulled open the pantry door to look for a snack. He��d been so engrossed in his book that he hadn’t had anything to eat all day and was just now forced from his room by his protesting stomach. He pulled a box of cheese snacks from the shelf and grabbed a can of soda from the refrigerator before turning to head back up to his room. He was only halfway through his book and he was going to be damned if a little appetite and sleep deprivation were going to stop him from finishing it this weekend.

               It also proved to be an ample distraction to help him not think about the great day that he’d had the day before with Jason. And not think about if he was reading his own book. Or if he had a bean bag chair. Or if he went back to the bookstore to read because the chairs were so comfortable. And if he might have possibly been there earlier that day to read his books and if he’d gone back he’d have been able to spend more time with him.

               Tim settled back against his pillows and ripped open the cardboard box, pulling the bag of cheese snacks out and into his lap. He opened them and shoved a handful into his mouth. He picked up his book in one hand and let the bag lean against his thigh. He popped the tab on his soda and took a large sip, the carbonation burning his throat. He left the can cradled between his legs and picked up where he left off at the beginning of chapter ten.

 ~

                 Tim tightened his grip on the straps of his backpack and bit his lip as he walked through the double doors of his school. He’d gotten a terrible night’s sleep because his brain decided not to shut up about everything that could happen at school that day and what Jason might do. The doubts swirled and darkened his thoughts despite his valiant efforts to dispel them because he didn’t know what Jason wanted with him. He wasn’t interesting enough to spend time with ‘just because’ and his mother’s voice had easily resurfaced amongst the whirlwind of thoughts that had plagued him throughout the night as he tossed and turned.

               He ducked his head as he walked through the halls towards his locker. The usual talk was muted and tired, the rest of the students not happy to be back at school now that the weekend was over and it was too early in the week to look forward to the next weekend and their future plans. He turned the corner at the end of the hallway and closed the distance between himself and his locker.

               Tim entered his combination quickly and pulled the door open. He kept his head down and exchanged some of the books in his bag for the ones in his locker.

               “Hey there, Tim.”

               He jolted at the sound of his name and looked up sharply, to find Jason standing there smiling at him. Stunned that he’d come to talk to him, his mouth opened and closed in what he expected resembled a fish.

               “Jason! Uh…hi.”

               “Hi,” Jason said, laughing. “Is that all I get?”

               Tim rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and stared down at his feet. “Uh, no. I guess not. Uh…how was your weekend?”

               Jason reached a hand out and tapped the bottom of his chin. Tim looked up at him and he jerked his head to the side. They fell into step as they walked down the hallway.

               “It was pretty good. I got some reading done after buying my new books on Friday. I almost went back to the store to lay around on those bean bags, but opted to stay in my bed instead. It was a pretty chill weekend. What about you?”

               “I read, too. I actually thought about going back to the bookstore too to flop out on the bean bags, but made a little place in my room. The book was really good, though. I want to get another one and go back to the bookstore. Maybe hang out a bit and read there.”

               “Yeah? Maybe go out to the diner afterwards and grab a burger?”

               “Of course. And a shake.”

               “Of course.”

               Tim ducked his head and smiled.

               “Well, this is me,” Jason said, stopping in front of a classroom.

               “Oh! Right.”

               “See you later?” he asked.

               “Yeah,” Tim said, nodding.

               Jason nodded and pulled open the door to his classroom before heading inside.

               Tim ran a hand through his hair and nodded at himself before turning in the direction they’d just come from to head to his classroom that they’d walked past moments before.

 ~

                 Tim packed up his backpack slowly, stealing glances down both directions of the hallway for Jason. He didn’t know what he was hoping would happen when he saw him after school. If he saw him after school.

               His thoughts had come back with a vengeance as soon as he was left alone and he’d tried very hard to ignore them. Sighing and knowing he couldn’t hang around forever, he shut his locker and turned around. To come face to face with Jason.

               “Waiting on someone?”

               Tim flushed. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could say so.”

               “Come on,” he said turning towards the school doors.

               Tim followed and held tightly to the straps of his backpack. They walked down the steps of the front of the school. The Sun was out and it was a pleasant afternoon for a walk.

               “I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jason began.

               “Yeah? What’s that?”

               “About what I said the other day. About how you looked when you thought no one was looking.”

               Tim hunched his shoulders. “What about it? You were right, after all.”

               “I was-wait, what?” Jason asked, looking down at him.

               “You were right. I’m just so confused by everything. And I haven’t really had anyone to help me connect with the rest of the world. I’ve been so alone for so long. I was raised alone. Told to stay on the outside so no one could take advantage of me. I was so convinced that everyone was trying to use me for some other purpose or master plane that I didn’t know how to make real relationships or find people I wanted to have real relationships with.”

               “So what changed?” Jason asked, turning to face him.

               Tim glanced around them and pulled Jason out of the middle of the sidewalk and into the entrance to an alley that ran between two businesses.

                “You. You decided to challenge me. To say something and call me out on how I was living my life because you saw I wasn’t really living. You saw the mask and you saw the want to be involved. To not live my life on the outside and actually get to know people and appreciate people. It’s honestly been a bitch because I can still hear my Mom’s voice in the back of my mind telling me that you’re only looking for some sort of advantage.

               “I honestly don’t know if it’s ever going to go away.” Tim knew he was becoming slightly hysterical. “I want it to-God I want it to go away. I’m tired of being suspicious of people. I just want to enjoy my time. I want to be able to go to a bookstore or diner with you and not have these doubts that you’re suddenly going to turn on me and tell me that all of this means nothing. I don’t want to be afraid that you’re suddenly going to disappear because I never meant anything-because I’m not worth anything!”

               “Tim-“

               “I just-I don’t know! It’s fucking terrifying! I’m terrified okay and I don’t want to be scared of this! I shouldn’t have to be scared of people.”

               “Tim!” Jason broke in, taking his hands in his own and holding them between them both. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have to be scared and it sucks that you are and that you’ve been raised in such a way that’s perpetuated this fear. But I can promise you that I’m not going to leave anytime soon. It might take a while, but I’ll show you that I’m not going away. I’m honestly just happy being with you. I don’t need anything else. And if you need reassurance that you won’t drive me away and you being you is enough, then you can guarantee that I’ll be here every day.”

               Tim stared up at Jason and felt the tears finally slide down his cheeks. “Shit,” he said and ducked his head to wipe them away.

               Jason reached out and cupped his cheeks to wipe the tears away with his thumbs. Tim sniffed and Jason smiled at him before pulling him into a tight hug. Tim clutched at him and let the tears come. He felt irrational and stupid, but also relieved. This was the beginning. This was the start of something new and he was going to embrace it and accept it. He was going to appreciate every moment that he got of this. It wasn’t too good to be true and he wasn’t about to let anything ruin his chance at a new relationship.

               Tim wiped at his face as they pulled apart. “Do you, uh…do you want to come over and hang out?” he asked.

               Jason felt his face heat up and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, yeah I’d like that actually.”

               “Cool,” he said, not making a move to turn around. “Um, I guess my car is still probably in front of the school.” He cleared his throat and turned, letting Jason fall into step beside him.

               They walked together quietly. They hadn’t gone far from the school and the car was still there as Tim had said it would be. Tim walked to the back door and pulled it open for Jason allowing him to climb inside before following him in and shutting the door.

               “Back to the Manor, Master Timothy?” the driver asked.

               “Uh, yes, please.” Tim held his hands tightly in his lap and looked out the window, keeping his gaze away from Jason. He’d just cried in front of him and wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed from here. He was lost in his own thoughts until a poke to his arm caught his attention. He turned to look at Jason who was pouting at him and watching him.

               “Yeah?”

               “Are you ignoring me?”

               “Wha-? No…sorry, did you say something? I was kind of spacing out,” he said, laughing awkwardly.

               “Hm,” Jason grumbled. “You need to relax,” he said, perking up.

               “What do you mean?”

               “You’re too tense.” Jason threw his arm around Tim’s shoulders and pulled him over to his side. “You need to relax and get used to being around people more.”

               Tim stiffened at the unusually close contact and the fact that he was so close to Jason. He wasn’t used to this. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had given him a hug before Jason had earlier. He tentatively leaned back against Jason’s side and when he didn’t protest and just pulled him closer, Tim let himself sag against him, his exhaustion from lack of sleep helping become comfortable.

               They remained like that for the rest of the ride to the Manor, enjoying the silence. Jason’s arm hung loosely over his shoulders. The car pulled up the main drive and parked in front of the steps. Tim pushed the door open, made a little more difficult by the weight of Jason’s arm.

               “Why is your arm so heavy?” he asked, pushing the limb from his shoulder so he could get through the car door.

               Jason chuckled and followed after him. “I have a lot of muscle, okay? Maybe you need to go and lift some weights. Then my arm won’t feel so heavy.”

               Tim rolled his eyes at Jason. “Whatever. Come on, I can show you my room and have Mary bring us some snacks if you’re hungry.”

               “That sounds great actually.”

               They walked through the main foyer and turned up the stairs. Jason was looking around himself in awe, trying to take in everything that the Manor offered from the high-ceilings to the family portraits and grand paintings. Tim pushed through the door to his bedroom and immediately cringed at the mess that he was greeted with.

               “Sorry about the mess in here. Obviously, I didn’t know that I’d be having company today,” he said, setting his bag down by the door. Jason walked past him and crawled onto the bed so his back was leaning against the wall. He smoothed the blankets down around him as best he could without actually making the bed and set his backpack next to him.

               Tim swallowed and walked over to his desk to grab his laptop before sitting cross-legged on the bed with Jason. He was close to him, but still left a decent amount of space in between them. Tim fiddled with his laptop and bit his lip.

               “Tim?” Jason asked.

               Tim looked up through his eyelashes. “Y-yeah?”

               “If you want me to leave, I can.”

               Tim’s eyes widened and he snapped his head up to look at him properly. “What? No! Stay, I-I want you to.”

               “Are you sure?”

               “Yeah.”

               “You seem nervous.”

               “Jason,” Tim sighed, “we both know that I’m not very good at this. Just give me some time. What did you want to do?”

               Jason shrugged. “We could watch a movie. Or if you wanted to play around on your computer I could always just read.”

               “A movie sounds nice.” Tim opened his laptop and powered it up. As he waited for all of his programs to boot up, a knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” he called, absentmindedly.

               The door opened to reveal a woman dressed in very plain clothes holding a tray of snacks.

               “Oh, Mary. You can set those on the bed, thanks.”

               She moved silently and deposited the tray next to Jason as Tim got to work opening up his web browser. Mary left the room silently, closing the door behind her.

               “That’s so weird,” Jason said, quietly.

               “What is?”

               “Your maid or butler or whatever you call them.”

               Tim looked up from his computer. “Oh. Yeah, I forget that some people aren’t quite used to it. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.”

               “Don’t you ever think it’s strange? To have someone do all of this stuff for you?”

               Tim paused and sat back, contemplating what Jason said. “I suppose. I don’t think about it too often, it’s such a normal part of my life.”

               Jason started looking over the snacks and picked up a cookie. He shifted closer to Tim to look over his shoulder, bumping against him. Tim felt his face heat up at the closeness of their contact and cleared his throat as he pulled up Netflix. He felt Jason’s arm where it was pressing down the mattress behind him. He began scrolling through the available options.

               “What do you think about London has Fallen?” Tim asked.

               “Sure. I saw the first one and that was pretty decent. Although, I’m not really a fan of American exceptionalism, but I’ll give it a shot.”

               Tim clicked play and settled the computer on the bed between their legs before trying to move back against the wall, only to bump into Jason’s arm.

               “Oh, sorry,” he said.

               “It’s fine. Here, try this,” Jason said, moving his arm around so that Tim fit next to his body and his arm wrapped around his back. “Is that better.”

               Tim swallowed. “Uh. Yeah. Do you mind passing the snacks?”

               He took a cookie and turned his attention to the screen, trying not to focus on the warmth from Jason’s arm.

 ~

                 Tim huffed and shoved another cookie in his mouth. “This movie sucks.” He tilted his head back and looked up at Jason. Somehow, someway, they’d shifted around so he was leaning fully against Jason’s side and his arm was wrapped all the way around his waist. It was comfortable and Tim was determined to not be worried about it.

               Jason looked down at him. “Yeah. I told you, American exceptionalism.”

               Tim’s eyes widened as he noticed just how close their faces were. He glanced down at Jason’s lips and then back up to his eyes, noticing his eyes widening as well. Time seemed to stand still for a moment, both of them staring at each other, wondering who would make the first move. And what move that should be.

               Then it was gone. Their lips crashed together. It was messy and took a minute for them to get their shit together, but once they did, Jason was pulling Tim into his lap. Tim wrapped his arms around Jason’s shoulders and Jason tightened his grip around his waist.

               They broke apart after several minutes, staring at each other and trying to catch their breath. Tim laughed a little hysterically, unsure of what had just happened.

               Jason smirked. “Glad to see we feel similarly about something.”

               “So I guess this is what you wanted all along.”

               Jason hummed. “I wouldn’t say all along. Friday helped. For many reasons obviously. It got you thinking about me.”

               “Shut up,” Tim said, bringing their mouths together once again, movie easily forgotten in the wake of something new.

[bottomtim]

Hello! Without further ado, announcing the newest members of the Jaytim Network:

@batbrvt @cristalski @itironman @jvytim @ogeretu @skywkers  @terrysmcginniss @timjacksondrakewayne @timjay @tinytitanyoutube @tonystarkism

Here is the Network Blog, you may now use and track the tag #jaytimnet and either bhatmah or bottomtim will message soon with what we will need from you for the members page. Happy shipping! :)

[bottomtim]

heyo, anyone who filled out a jaytimnet application [apps close tonight, nov 6] for the fall opening and changed their url, let me know, bc im trying to pick members and a couple blogs don’t exist anymore.

also, to anyone who reblogged but didn’t fill out the application form linked in the post, you may want to do that, because I will primarily be selecting people from that form! :). last chance to apply!! 

[my-one-love-is-music]

Have a preview of @barbaragordamn‘s birthday fic. (It’s already over 6k. Prepare yourselves)

               “You. You decided to challenge me. To say something and call me out on how I was living my life because you saw I wasn’t really living. You saw the mask and you saw the want to be involved. To not live my life on the outside and actually get to know people and appreciate people. It’s honestly been a bitch because I can still hear my Mom’s voice in the back of my mind telling me that you’re only looking for some sort of advantage.

               “I honestly don’t know if it’s ever going to go away.” Tim knew he was becoming slightly hysterical. “I want it to-God I want it to go away. I’m tired of being suspicious of people. I just want to enjoy my time. I want to be able to go to a bookstore or diner with you and not have these doubts that you’re suddenly going to turn on me and tell me that all of this means nothing. I don’t want to be afraid that you’re suddenly going to disappear because I never meant anything-because I’m not worth anything!”

               “Tim-“

               “I just-I don’t know! It’s fucking terrifying! I’m terrified okay and I don’t want to be scared of this! I shouldn’t have to be scared of people.”

               “Tim!” Jason broke in, taking his hands in his own and holding them between them both. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have to be scared and it sucks that you are and that you’ve been raised in such a way that’s perpetuated this fear. But I can promise you that I’m not going to leave anytime soon. It might take a while, but I’ll show you that I’m not going away. I’m honestly just happy being with you. I don’t need anything else. And if you need reassurance that you won’t drive me away and you being you is enough, then you can guarantee that I’ll be here every day.”

               Tim stared up at Jason and felt the tears finally slide down his cheeks. “Shit,” he said and ducked his head to wipe them away.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Literally so excited for this birthday fic that I’m writing for @barbaragordamn. Gotta love Jaytim.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Never thought Unmasked would get to 70k words. I never expected that to happen when I started this fic back in February. But I’ve come a long way and it’s been pretty sweet.

[bottomtim]

KATIE GIMME SOME OF THAT GOOD JAYTIM

YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR THIS AND I AM SO SORRY. i got like reeealllly busy with school work. also i wanted to take some extra time with this anyway and make sure it was alright :). hope you like it!! 

tw: panic attack and PTSD, probably both slightly inaccurate which i apologize for.

Jason’s hands were trembling as he meticulously worked to defuse the bomb.

It wasn’t the first bomb he’d defused and it wouldn’t be the last. He knew what he was doing, he knew… But his hands were still shaking anyway, and the clock was counting down, and he could hear his heart beating in his ears, could feel it in his skull. He could feel his lungs burning and could see his vision graying out around the edges and this did not need to happen right now. What needed to happen right now was Jason pulling it together and just fucking defusing this bomb already.

He didn’t know exactly what set him off this time. He didn’t know if it was because he was in a warehouse that looked the same, smelled the same. He didn’t know if it was because time was already too far gone by the time he made it there. He didn’t know if it was just because it was a bomb and a bomb killed him once. All he knew was that he could still recall his bones aching and the taste of blood in his mouth. He can remember the smell of his blood, the smell of the musty warehouse, the sound of his mother crying, the joker laughing. He was sitting in front of this bomb, ready to dismantle it, but there was something that just sent everything flooding back to him until his hands were shaking and he couldn’t breathe.

Jason isn’t really sure how he pulled it off, but he did. His hands were shaking so hard he’s not sure how he got his tools on the right wires, but he did. He did it, even though the timer on the bomb felt like a timer counting down his last heaving breaths because he was so sure he wasn’t okay enough to do it. He’d call it a miracle if he believed in any higher power.

Even though he’d accomplished the goal and the victims could get out alive and he’d done his job, he couldn’t seem to calm down. He could still barely breathe, couldn’t hear anything over the blood roaring in his ears, could barely see with his vision fading out. He did what he needed to do and he still couldn’t calm the fuck down.

He slumped from his crouching position to flat on his ass on the cold concrete, unable to keep steady. He knew he should be trying to even out his breathing but even thinking about it feels like a herculean effort, given he was more focused on the fact that he might pass the fuck out. And then he felt pressure at the back of his neck, shoving his head down. Jason almost accepted this as another potential death sentence because he was in no shape to fight anybody off right now, but a moment later he realized whoever was shoving his head down wasn’t trying to hurt him.

The hand stayed on him while the rest of the body it belonged to moved around to crouch in front of him. Jason noticed the black boots, and while they could have been anyone’s black boots, or at least anyone of the Bats’ boots, Jason realized they were Tim’s. Jason belatedly remembered Tim was on comms with him for the mission, somewhat working together, but he didn’t know at which point Tim actually showed up. He had a sickening realization that rocketed his panic up even further, as if it were even fucking possible, that had he actually not been fast enough this time like he was sure he wouldn’t be, Tim would have been caught up in the wreckage. Both of their lives could have ended tonight.

It took a moment for Jason to realize Tim is trying to talk to him. Jason couldn’t really make out the sound of Tim’s voice, not with the sounds of his own body still taking over. There was the sound blood rushing in his ears, the sound of his ragged breath being pulled in and out of his lungs, and ringing in his ears. He felt Tim’s hands pulling off the hood, warmth radiating through soft leather being pressed to either side of his face and forcing his head up so he’s looking Tim in the face. Because Tim was here right there front of him. And Jason was there. And Jason did what he had to and they didn’t die. The touch did ground him marginally, but it wasn’t quite enough to calm him yet. He could at least hear what Tim is saying.

“Hey, Jay, c’mon. You’re alright, we’re alright, the victims are okay. You did it, man.” But Jason already knew this, so it didn’t really help. It did loosen his chest a little to hear Tim say it, though.

“Hey, Jason, c’mon, you gotta breathe.” Yet another thing that Jason already knew.

Tim’s hand slid from his face down to Jason’s hand. He grabbed it and placed it on his own chest. He could feel Tim’s heart. It was a little fast, probably due to adrenaline, but it was nice and strong and steady and distracted Jason from his own for a moment. 

“Okay, now breathe with me. You can do it. You can defuse bombs, you can kick ass, and you can breathe. We can do it.”

Jason felt Tim’s chest rise and expand slowly, and after a few moments, he attempted to do the same. He tried, and ultimately found himself successful in pulling in a deep slow breath, holding it for a moment then releasing it. It took a monumental effort to tell himself to breathe in and out, to match Tim’s pace, and quite frankly, it left him exhausted. 

“Good, good Jay, you’re alright,” Tim said, a small smile on his lips, his other hand still on Jason’s face and thumb stroking his cheek softly. Jason could breathe a little better, but he was still trembling and honestly he was just tired and he wanted to go home. Luckily, Tim could tell and pulled Jason up and pulled his arm around shoulder to made their way to Jason’s bike. Usually, Jason would kill Tim for driving the bike, but he didn’t think he was together enough to do it and they sure as hell weren’t gonna walk all the way through Gotham like that.

The ride to his apartment was a blur and before he knew it he was collapsing onto the couch, just wanting to curl up and pass out.

“Hey, hey,” Tim said, shoving him a little on the shoulder. “Do you want to shower first? Nice hot water and all that?” Jason considered for a moment, but then decided the comfort of the warm water wasn’t worth the effort of getting up and that he’d settle for a blanket instead. He shook his head.

“Okay,” Tim said gently. “How about moving to the bed? Nice, big, comfy mattress?” Again, Jason weighed his options and decided he was just fine right there on his broken in couch. 

“Okay,” Tim said again. “That’s fine. But we’re taking your gear off.”

Tim did most of the work. He pulled off the boots, sat Jason up, pulled off his armor and vest, got him down to his underwear. Jason shivered a bit when Tim went into the bedroom to get a pillow and a blanket, which he placed accordingly and laid Jason back down on the couch. The blanket helped his lingering shakiness a little, and so did the smell of his apartment, and the feel of his pillow under his cheek, and the sound of Tim moving around. It was almost enough to lull him to sleep until he felt a solid heavy weight settle down on top of him. 

He cracked an eye open enough to so see Tim, changed out of his suit and into sweats, with his chin settled on his forearms, smiling gently while looking into Jason’s eyes. Jason would have rolled his eyes at Tim for the look he was giving him, God, the kid was such a sap, but then Tim scooted himself uncomfortably up Jason’s torso until their foreheads were pressed together. Then Tim’s lips were softly pressing on his own, a small chaste kiss, just to let Jason know Tim was there for him and cared for him and hoped he was alright.

“You okay?” Tim asked softly, head still resting on Jason’s.

Jason wasn’t really sure at that moment, but he knew he would be. “I’d be a lot better if you get your heavy ass off of my chest,” he joked, though his voice was sounding a little hoarse and tired. Tim still laughed lightly at it and squished himself down between Jason and the back of the couch, adjusting the blanket so it was covering both of them.

“You’re gonna end up shoving me off,” Jason groused.

Tim yawned. “Too bad. Shoulda picked the bed instead.”

Jason didn’t say anything, but squirmed an arm under Tim, who thankfully lifted his body a bit to make it easier, and then Jason pulled him close. Tim’s head laid comfortably on his shoulder, he ran his hand lightly on Jason’s chest until eventually the movement petered off and Tim was lightly snoring.

Jason listened to that sound for a moment. It was a close call tonight. It wouldn’t be the last one they had, and it wouldn’t be the last bomb or the last warehouse. But he was going to be okay. And finally he let himself sleep.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Just realized that I’ve never written a fake dating or fake married fic. I need to rectify this as soon as possible.