#jaws ripoffs

[randomdeinonychus]

I am so excited that Synapse's release of this film is finally available!

You can order it with the limited slipcover at DiabolikDVD, which is a seller I highly recommend in general.

I had sworn off buying any other movies for the rest of June at least, but I had to order this one.

[Note: This appears to just be the US cut, but it features "Deleted & Alternate Scenes" so hopefully that gives us at least a tiny glimpse of the original cut of the film]

[randomdeinonychus]

I like French maids too, but that's not usually what I mean when I say I could eat them up...

Alligator | 1980

meanwhile, in Florida

[heckyeahponyscans]

This is the video that inspired the Jaws post, a 60 year old orca absolutely wrecking a great white shark

[termagax]

i think the overwatch lore book released included alf and vaguely mentioned them being made up of "indigenious" australians but it's so vague on weather they mean it was made up of indigenious australians, or just a few of them happened to be indigenious OR if they just mean indigenious as in "australians that lived there right before they got kicked off for the omnics" or like the actual real life indigenious people and it's annnnnnoying

im gonna be so real i think even if it is meant to be like primarily aboriginal people i think it is in EXTREMELY poor taste considering the ALFs purpose in the lore is primarily to "explain" why the junkers hate robots so much. genuinely i think this chunk of the lore is unsalvagable and also OVW hates indigenous people sooooo fucking much

[lowkeyrobin]

hello if your okay with it could you do a mcyt x reader of reader having been deployed and then like coming home and supprising them or just reader in militrary

thank you

ooo okay! I can definitely try for you! ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; tumblr crashed in the middle of Freddie's so his and Tommy's might be very watered down...

MCYT ; deployed

includes ; tommyinnit, badlinu, maxggs, & quackity

warnings ; language, talk about death/murder

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he's so lonely without you bro

he often says "I'm gonna show y/n this" or "I'm calling y/n" to be met with silence or a dial tone

he normally texts you good morning and goodnight even though you can't see them

you turned your phone off when you were coming home so he wouldn't catch on to any of his texts sending or being read

he wasn't home when you returned, but you also didn't know when he'd be back

so you made the quickest trip to party city -in uniform- to grab balloons, streamers and a cake from the bakery next door

kinda weird making your own welcome home party but he'd appreciate it so it didn't matter

you return, and by 7 or 8, he does too

"I'm home!" You exclaim, jumping up from behind the couch

his jaw drops and his heart skips a beat before he runs over to hug you

"oh my god, I missed you so much, you don't even know!"

FREDDIE BADLINU

he usually sends pictures / texts about his day and stuff even though you can't see them nor respond

he also leaves voicemails when he goes out just telling you that he loves you and stuff

you didn't tell him you were coming home, deciding to just surprise him, since you honestly forgot you had a phone

you grabbed some food and wandered around town before going home

in the window you could see max, freddie, harry & tommy streaming in the front room, watching some awful movie

you unlock the door with your house key, and the boys snap their heads to the door, pausing the movie, thinking they were about to be robbed on stream

and in walks you, and freddie runs to you with open arms

"holy shit, why didn't you tell me you were coming home??"

meanwhile tommy grabbed the camera to hastily record the reunion, harry and max watching with smiles beside him

"whatre you watching??"

"a ripoff ratatouille, it's called ratatoing"

MAXGGS

he often talks about how much he misses you and usually streams / records things so he can show you later

soooo many pictures that you've yet to see

you texted freddie and tommy once you got your phone back, informing them you were coming home and wanted to surprise max

they were down with the idea and helped you get back from the airport & went to the store with you to grab a cake and some other little stuff

lots of looks considering you were still in uniform but it's alright

you got home while max was gone, freddie having taken him out for lunch while you and tommy set up the stuff and chilled out for a minute

you were watching the first garfield movie when max and freddie returned

"oh, hey max"

"y/n?? oh my god!"

big reunion hug that freddie filmed for you guys 🫶💔

ALEX QUACKITY

he's always whining and crying about how much he misses you

"I miss y/n 😔☹️"

he spams your phone like once a week, sending you memes and shit

on your way home, you turned on your phone, seeing he was live, making sure not to click on the unread messages

you'd brought home some little souvenirs for him

there was a rubber duck dressed in nationality wear to wherever you were deployed (America with a dumb flag hat & flag, Mexico with a sombrero, etc I think ykwim)

you use your house key to get inside, set your things down, and creep around his office to not alert him that you were home

you open his door, and he initially blames tiger

"bruh, does it look like I'm a cat??"

he looks over st you with a wide smile. "holy shit, y/n!!"

you walk over to hug him and he's holding back tears and shit

"i thought you were out killing people right now?"

"bro, i was just chilling at a base..."

[qifreyrepublic]

ahh hiii! I saw your blog and was wondering if I could request a yandere!Chuuya x Male!Reader whose love language is d3@th thr3@t$??? I was thinking maybe the reader was perfectly fine with the yandere tendencies and has a weird way of flirting. It’s perfectly fine if not :]

example:

“Chuuya, I will take an apple and shove it in your mouth before lighting you on fire and burning you alive.”

Man has killer ribs (literally)

Note; Zero idea when you asked this! And my sincerest apologies for not answering, I perhaps... Forgot this account existed, per se... Also, DEFINITELY OOC, I wrote this T almost 12am and did not go over for spelling errors, nor did I put s lot of effort into the writing... I promise to rewrite this in the future.

Pairing; Yan!Chuuya x Threatening!Male Reader

TRIGGER WARNING; Death threats, possible relationship toxicity, death jokes. (Do NOT reinact anything depicted in this writing.)

DO NOT REUPLOAD!!!

"Doll... Can you pass me the wine?"

Chuuya said with an exasperated sigh, his hands moving up to undo his waist coat, allowing it to drop to the floor with a soft-- 'thump.' Before be reached down and scooped up the fabric from the floor.

"Oh yeah? How about I do ya' another favor and shove it so far up your ass that it comes out your mouth and you become s wine fountain? Well, you might as well be! You drink that shit so much I'm surprised you haven't turned red!"

M/N said with an overly sarcastic tone; His legs were thrown lazily over the side of the couch, allowing them to dangle down while his h/c cascaded against the soft, velvety, red couch cushions.

"Besides, Chuuya! You have legs that work! Use them. Unless you want to end up like that one agency member... Cuntikida? Kunikooda? Kunkidoouh? Something or another."

*With a soft eye roll, Chuuya reached into the wine cabinet himself and pulled out the fanciest and strongest wine he could find; The bottle's glass was a deep maroon color which constrasted against the gold accents that surrounded the label and cork.

With a gentle pop, the bottle was opened, followed behind was the sound of a gentle pour of liquid rushing down into a glass.

"Don't tell me that mackerel Dazai tried to break in to find you."

*A huff escaped the h/c male's lips as he tossed his phone to the side, allowing the device to land onto the glass coffee table with a thud.*

"And what if he did, leprechaun? What are you going to do about it? Use your powers and cross the fucking rainbow to beat his ass?"

*M/N said with a scoff before throwing his legs to the side, allowing him to sit up properly.*

"Besides, you won't even let me leave this place! It's only natural to be bitchy you stupid ass ginger! What? Are you lacking braincekss to-- Hey! Chuuya!"

*M/N yelped, squirming about as Chuuya had grabbed him by the back of the shirt before pulling him up and holding him in the air as if he were a wet cat.*

"What you need to do is learn how to behave, doll. Maybe then I would be more lenient about letting you leave without being under my supervision."

*The ginger said before walking towards the bedroom and dropping the male into the bad and slipping into the man's lap, straddling him in the bed while his gloved hand either held a wine bottle or was tracing the jaw line of th male beneath him.

"Besides... You know what happened the last time you misbehaved, doll."

Chuuya said as he took a sip of his wine before placing a kiss to the man's cheek; His eyes sneakily stealing glances at the chain that was still connected to the bed.*

"Whatever! This is why you failed go become the better Ed-Sheeran you Ayano ripoff!!"

.

.

.

"Would you shut up already?"

"I hope your motorcycle crashes next time you're out and you die!"

[randomdeinonychus]

I've actually grown rather fond of this one. It's a pretty lousy sequel to a true classic, but it has its moments just the same.

[devildomcuties]

Scream

pairing: Lucifer x f. reader

genre: established relationship, smut [18+]

summary: Lucifer orders a special treat on Akuzon for Halloween

wc: 1.6k

warnings: ghostface roleplay, pet names (baby, babe), use of good girl, knife play, blood, hair pulling, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), cunt slapping, unprotected sex, creampie, cum play

date: October 31, 2023

“Akuzon delivery!” Asmo calls as he scoops the packages off the front porch of the House of Lamentation. He barely gets to shut the front door before Levi is standing in front of him.

“Give me! Give me! The next box set of the new anime ‘Things I Did In The Dark To Be Suspicious But Not Too Suspicious In Catching My Vampire Neighbors’ just arrived, and I’m going to binge it this weekend!” Levi exclaims as he sorts through the packages to pick out the ones with his name.

“Watch it! You’re gonna break my nails, and I just got them done!” Asmo chastises as he moves his hands out of the way.

“Oh?” Levi pauses, ignoring Asmodeus. “This one’s not ours.”

“Hm? Is it Satan’s?” Asmo asks as he leans in closer to read the name of the package. He’s surprised to see it belongs to the eldest. “Lucifer, huh? Wonder what he ordered.”

“I’ll take that!” Mammon smirks as he plucks the package from his younger brothers before they can protest. He’s about to rip open the box when a terrifying growl fills the room.

“MAMMON!” Lucifer bellows and Mammon shivers as he drops the package and raises his hands.

“I wasn’t doing nothing,” he lies as he scrambles out of the room. Lucifer rolls his eyes, covering his face with a gloved hand. 

“Levi, Asmo, next time please take my packages to my bedroom. Mammon can’t be trusted with my belongings,” Lucifer sighs heavily as he takes his package and leaves his two brothers at the door.

“Halloween is just around the corner and Lord Diavolo has decided to throw a festival. I have taken the liberty of volunteering all of you to man the booths and rides,” Lucifer informs the members of RAD. 

“Will there be food? I’d like to be at that booth,” Beel pleads.

“We don’t need you eating everything,” Satan grumbles. 

“You’ve all been assigned a spot. Lucifer and Y/N will make sure you’re at your spots,” Barbatos hands out a sheet of paper with everyone’s assigned booth or ride. Asmo and Levi grumble to themselves, asking Lucifer if they can trade. 

“Do I have to attend?” Belphie asks with a frown. He’s not too enthused about wasting time around the entire school when he could snuggle up to his favorite pillow in his bed. 

“Yes, the master requires it,” Barbatos states as he turns to take his leave.

“What a ripoff,” Mammon groans.

Lucifer stands in front of his mirror, turning to his side to admire his reflection, though his Ghostface mask makes it hard. He removes it but takes it with him in his search for you. 

He’s made sure his younger siblings are at their booths. He’s assigned Barbatos and Simeon to keep a close eye on them lest you be interrupted.

“Babe?” he calls when he knocks on your bedroom door. It only takes a second for you to open it. Lucifer is breathless when he sees your outfit. His jaw drops open, and his cock twitches in his pants. 

“You look marvelous,” he admits, ignoring the heat that rushes to his cheeks. You thank him, taking his hand to pull him into your bedroom.

Lucifer wastes no time kissing you, knowing each moment without kissing you is a moment ruined by his siblings. His hands grip your hips, pulling you to him as his lips press against yours, hands moving from your lips to your neck.

“Come closer,” he mutters against your lips. 

“Fuck,” your curse, spine tingling as you pull him closer. His heart beats along with yours as you deepen the kiss, making him melt and forget all his worries. With your tongue meeting his, Lucifer forgets everything, the kiss deepening and his cock hardening.

Your hands explore his body, enjoying the moans he releases as you push him onto your bed. Slowly, you climb over him, pinning his hands over his head, only for him to pin you under him. His name escapes you. Breath caught in your throat as your legs wrap around him.

“You have thirty seconds to run,” he states firmly, and you panic, looking down at your thigh-high socks. They wouldn't last a second on the HOL floors. You were fucked.

“Going!” you scream as you take off, regardless. You run, trying to find a spot to hide, socks gliding along the floor as Lucifer goes room to room searching for you while wearing his mask.

“Baby!” He sings as he approaches, footsteps heavy as they grow closer. A tingle runs down your spine as he nears. Your heart skips a beat when he reaches you.

“There you are!” he exclaims as he wraps his arms around you to keep you from escaping. “Come here!”

“I’m here. I’m here!” you groan in response, gasping when the sharp edge of the knife meets your chest.

“Thought so,” he grins maliciously. “You’re so easy to find.”

“Only because I wanted you to find me,” You chuckle as the knife digs a little deeper into your skin, drawing blood. 

Lucifer’s lips twitch as the smell of your blood reaches him. His mask sits on the top of his head. A groan escapes him as his lips meet the side of your neck. He rubs your hips. Blood coats his blade generously and his cock twitches as he lets the knife fall to the floor.

Slowly, your lips meet his. Lucifer moans, his hands gripping you tighter. 

“Let’s go to my quarters,” he states as he leads you to his bedroom. 

Your back meets his soft, giant mattress and you melt underneath him. 

Lucifer wastes no time in climbing on top of you. He removes his mask, setting it on the floor. You beg him to put it back on and he smirks as he follows your wishes. 

“Got a kink for Ghostfsce, huh?” He chuckles. 

“Shhh,” you hush him but he puts the mask back on and holds your wrists over your head. 

You melt beneath him, legs wrapped around his hips. He releases your wrists to palm himself over his pants before he’s stripping as quickly as possible.

Lucifer uses his nails to rip your lingerie to pieces, smirking when you lie naked beneath him.  However, he leaves your socks on. As much as he wants to leave the mask on, it will get in the way of the things he wants to do to you, so he removes it, setting it off to the side.

Lucifer kisses down your body, ending when he’s between your thighs. Your hand weaves in his black hair as his tongue meets your wet slit. He groans at the first taste. His eyes flutter shut as he swirls his tongue around your clit and his name escapes your lips. 

With a strong grasp, he places your legs on either side of his shoulders before dragging your hips toward him. He feasts hungrily, lips covered in your arousal as his fingers push inside you, curling and pumping in and out as his tongue works your clit. 

Your breathing grows ragged, your body covered in a sheen of sweat as you pull his hair and try to fuck yourself on his tongue and fingers. 

Lucifer growls from deep in his chest. His piercing eyes make you stop all movement and you whimper when his hand comes down to smack your cunt. 

“Lucifer!” You exclaim, back arching off the bed as he ignores your cry and returns to his task. 

Sighing in contentment, you beg him for more until your thighs are quivering in his hold and his salacious smirk makes you come undone. His name rolls off your tongue repeatedly as your eyes flutter shut and you orgasm, soaking his lips and tongue. 

“Fuck,” he curses, licking his lips and then his fingers. 

He wastes no time in lining himself up at your entrance. The fat head of his cock rubs against your clit, then downward to your folds, coating his cock in your essence. 

“You take my cock so well,” Lucifer grunts, his hair falling over his eyes as he admires your pretty face. His gaze moves down your body until it lands where your bodies meet. You look down, moaning when his fat cock splits you open once again. 

Lucifer chuckles darkly, licking his lips as he fucks your harder, deeper until your sweet cries are filling the room. Your nails dig into his back, pulling him close as his hips slam against yours. 

“Lucifer!” You whimper, clenching around him. He nearly loses it then, his face buried in the column of your throat as he goes deeper. You feel all of him deep in your stomach and it’s enough to make you cum. 

Your moans are lewd and nearly deafening. It spurs Lucifer to keep going, his hands squeezing your hips as you beg for him to make you cum again. 

Lucifer doesn’t need to be told twice. He growls as he fucks you, your name tumbling from his lips as you cream all over his cock. Your thighs shake, your socks making you even hotter as they rub against his slim waist. 

“That’s it, baby. Make a mess on my cock. Cream it like a good girl,” he grunts, his orgasm shortly behind. 

However, he doesn’t stop fucking you until he’s too sensitive to go on. He pulls out slowly, your legs still spread open for him as your cum and his dribbled out slowly. 

Not wanting to waste it, he pushes it back in with his fingers, smirking when you cry out for him. He sticks his fingers in his mouth, sucking them fry before he lies beside you in his bed. 

You cling to him, cuddling into his chest as his arms wrap around you. He knows you’ll both have to join the festivities soon. His brothers will wonder where the two of you are and come searching, thus interrupting this moment of privacy. 

Lucifer kisses you one more time, placing his mask back on, and says, “Happy Halloween, baby.”

[frankendykes-monster]

Countdown to Halloween 2024 ranked

54. The Willies (1990)

53. Hell High (1987)

52. Face of The Screaming Werewolf (1964)

51. Terrifier (2016)

50. The Last Halloween (1991)

49. Cathy's Curse (1977)

48. The Last Shark (1981)

47. Godzilla × Kong: The New Empire (2024)

46. Creepozoids (1987)

45. The Horror of Frankenstein (1970)

44. Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (1974)

43. Man Beast (1956)

42. Tourist Trap (1979)

41. Daughter of Dr. Jekyll (1957)

40. Fiend (1980)

39. Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

38. Devil Girl From Mars (1954)

37. Halloween Hall o' Fame (1977)

36. Nightmare (1981)

35. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2001)

34. Peeping Tom (1960)

33. Violent Shit (1989)

32. Invaders From Mars (1986)

31. Eggshells (1969)

30. Night of The Ghouls (1959)

29. Scream, Blacula, Scream (1973)

28. The Strange World of Planet X (1958)

27. The Colossus of New York (1958)

26. The Scooby-Doo Project (1999)

25. Night of The Living Doo (2001)

24. Scooby-Doo! and The Reluctant Werewolf (1988)

23. The Great Bear Scare (1983)

22. The Wasp Woman (1995)

21. The Cyclops (1957)

20. Frankenstein and The Monster from Hell (1974)

19. The Tingler (1959)

18. The Boogey Man (1980)

17. The Dragon Lives Again (1977)

16. Quatermass and The Pit (1967)

15. The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)

14. Mad Love (1935)

13. The Alien Factor (1978)

12. The Walking Dead (1935)

11. Dr. Caligari (1989)

10. The Deadly Spawn (1983)

9. Invaders From Mars (1953)

8. Alucarda (1977)

7. Uzumaki (2024)

6. Sole Survivor (1984)

5. Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

4. Shock Waves (1977)

3. Frankenhooker (1990)

2. Invasion of The Body Snatchers (1978)

1. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)

What a productive year. October lasts all of 30 seconds which is why I have to start watching these in July if I want to make any decent headway (31 films is not enough). I desperately tried to make this a year of "have not seens" after last year's top spots being flooded with films I already loved; we mostly did it, mostly. Another top heavy year with relatively few abysmal entries, let's get started.

The Willies is the grand shitshow for this year. It feels like it's an evolutionary precursor to something like Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of The Dark?, but it mostly plays to gross out rather than scares. I don't normally care for anthology horror films to begin so to start off a film with brief segments like a woman eating a deep fried rat or a little white dog being microwave exploded and then doing extended stories on monsters hiding in the school bathroom does not do it for me. The most minimal points possible for some decent lighting and special effects but they are not enough by any means to make this worth watching. Stay away.

Onto the 1980's horror: Hell High is what happens when a film crew asks "what if we put a woman into a situation and didn't stop". I want to call it misogynistic torture porn, but I don't want to devalue that phrase for when I use it for a film later on here, but suffice to say a woman is tortured. Emotionally. For very little reason. Universal was right to block The Last Shark from US theatrical distribution. Not because it's a very blatant Jaws ripoff and they wanted to protect their copyright, but because it's abysmal and nobody should have to pay money to see this. I think the stock footage of sharks juxtaposed with the unmoving props between shots is funny, and some of the soundtrack elevates the experience, like the high shrill drones when the shark attacks a helicopter. Creepozoids is an odd one because 1987 was a bit late for a Mad Max/Escape from New York/Alien knockoff but also too early for some Full Moon tier/softcore porn adjacent 1990's production, so it loses out on both fronts. Fiend I'm struggling to even recall, I feel like Don Dohler had one movie in him (see: his plethora of alien invasion films) and him trying to branch out did him no favors. Nightmare is one I want to enjoy because it's beautifully shot but I feel like I've seen one too many slasher adjacent films at this point that include plot points like the killer having a troubled relationship with his mother or him moonlighting as a regular guy (still better than Pieces mind you). Same with Violent Shit. I feel like my tastes are pretty attuned to films that are just gore effects showcases but this one doesn't have any zany concepts to justify or compliment it, so it just falls flat.

The Boogey Man belongs to that tirade of Halloween knockoffs that flooded theaters up till about 1984 or so, but it puts in some extra effort like having a ghost be the main antagonist and a symbolic interest in mirrors, which is much more than could be asked of films like Terror Train which came out the same year. Dr. Caligari is the obligatory "this is what Tim Burton thinks he's doing" film of this year; its sets and its performances are perfectly otherworldly to a humorous degree. It's something of a quasi-sequel to the 1920 film but its relationship with logic is attuned to such a frequency that it's not a hindrance. Very hard to objectively quantify, you're either in the target audience or you aren't, so of all films here take its tier placement the least seriously. The Deadly Spawn is such a gloriously gross film. The house it's shot in isn't supposed to be disgusting on purpose, it's just one of those century's old buildings where I feel like I'd revulse if I had to touch any surface, and that's before fleshy alien monsters break in and start shredding people to bits. Sole Survivor is one of those magical "missing link" horror films, we've finally found what comes between Carnival of Souls and Final Destination. The actual scares in this film are incredibly minimal as it prioritizes atmosphere that balances between comfort and unease, something incredibly rare for films of virtually any genre. Don't go in expecting ghosts and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Taking a brief-ish detour to the 1960's, Face of The Screaming Werewolf is one of those films I'm more angry at than anything because it's one of those films that's just the combined stray footage of multiple previous films. Rare for these to be produced in the western market (most of the examples I think of are from (south)east Asia) but it's infuriating nonetheless to see something only to discover it's a worse version of multiple better things you could be seeing. Peeping Tom is our "most overrated" entry winner, I don't know why so many people applaud this one, I feel like barely anything of substance happens to such a degree that any ounce of suspense you could draw from this just disappears, and what a shame with the concept at play here that feels as if it would take another decade for everyone else to catch up. Eggshells is the directorial debut of Tobe Hooper and while cohesive narrative is virtually nonexistent here, the amount of experimental editing keeps this going throughout the entire runtime, you can definitely see where The Texas Chainsaw Massacre came from down the line. I feel like I'm somewhat disappointed with Quatermass and The Pit (not sure what "The Pit" refers to now that I think of it) mostly becasue the first two Quatermass films are among the best 1950's science fiction films. All three are theatrical remakes of television mini-series and that's most felt here with how so much of the film takes place in the single location of an unearthed Martian ship in the heart of London. I do love that we have a science fiction film positing that humans are partly the genetic ancestors of aliens prior to people taking that seriously with books like Chariot of The Gods. The Brain That Wouldn't Die is magical, sometimes those oft hated 1950's/1960's science fiction films have something to give back to the rest of us. Here it's a man so obsessed with his own work that he sees his wife's death as an opportunity to try and kill other women so that he can use their bodies as grounds to bring her back. Which sounds like something else I watched...

...said film being Frankenhooker, which has largely the same plot but now functions as a dark comedy. God. I hate so much that the capitalist enclosure on the production and distribution of film prevented us from getting so much more from Frank Henenlotter. The man is one of the best to ever direct horror, and anyone who thinks this film or any of his other work are "bad movies" just flat out do not know what they're talking about. I think compared to Basket Case and Brain Damage however, Frankenhooker is the one that "keeps giving". You think you've seen everything the film has to offer and then something like a hotel room full of women combusts as they succumb to the effects of exploding crack or Elizabeth (the titular character) has her head punched back and starts spewing smoke and electricity everywhere. Film is a magical medium of art.

Terrifier is what I held onto "misogynistic torture porn" for. No narrative, no character work, just opportunities to show Art the Clown dismember and murder women in revolting ways. It's one of those films that vindicates everyone that doesn't like this genre and makes me wonder what I'm doing sitting side by side with people that like this shit. I think Art cutting off a woman's breasts and scalp and attaching them to his nude body to disguise himself as another prior female victim of his is when my mouth went agape and audibly asked what the fuck am I watching, cannot stress enough how much it takes to get that reaction out of me. There's an upfront showcase that Terrifier knows that it's trash and revels in it, I mean there's an early scene where we see Art has spelled out his name in his own shit, and I'm not sure how to interpret that other than I feel like I might be landing in a Duchamp's Urinal trap. For reasons that allude even me I am still eyeing the prospect of watching both sequels.

I think my overall reaction to Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is one of "whatever". A passably bad film is a definite improvement from the abomination that was Godzilla vs. Kong but it's admittedly easy to rise up when you start from the bottom. Adam Wingard more or less sucked all the joy I could muster out of the Monsterverse, I truly do not care anymore. If anything can be gleaned from this film it's that this is a film made to reconfirm people's existing biases of "I hate the boring human scenes, I'm only watching this for the monsters." Kong is the best actor in this film because the special effects team have to have him actually emote in response to a given situation, which is more than could be asked of anyone actually on the set, apparently. It's a miracle that this came out in the shadow of Godzilla Minus One than on its own terms.

The glut of 1950's science fiction films are a perennial staple of the Halloween countdown but they don't have a huge showing this year. Man Beast is one I'm going to confuse with all the other yeti movies of the decade though having a main antagonist that's actually a human hybrid gets it some points for originality. Daughter of Dr. Jekyll infuriates me because women who become monsters in film never get to be "hideous" and "scary" like their male counterparts, I'm throwing tomatoes at this one. Devil Girl From Mars is mostly memorable for having a giant clunky robot a la Gort, but the actual titular antagonist doesn't "serve cunt" enough to warrant interest, she should have taken notes from The Astounding She-Monster. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is an honorable mention because it's a feature-length pastiche of the z-grade films of this era. I don't think it's particularly funny and I kind of wish they lampooned a "good" film of this type rather than make something that fits in line with the middling genre efforts. Night of The Ghouls is the last horror film directed by Ed Wood and I feel like I enjoy it slightly more than Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's far more competent in producing that lulling insomniac reaction than Wood's prior efforts but I still don't "get" the attention his work consistently gets. The Strange World of Planet X gets a special pass from me just because the finale has a bunch of giant bugs attacking stuff. Moving on.

The Colossus of New York is an oddball modern Frankenstein of sorts with a guy being transformed into a giant robot and struggling to maintain some attachment to his former life. It doesn't always work but once again giant clunky robots are giant clunky robots. I'm something of a Bert I. Gordon apologist so something like The Cyclops is going to hit harder for me than it does for most people. I just like people wandering around Bronson Cave and poor matte shots of giant animals moving in and out of frame, okay? The Tingler was the oddest revisit I've had in a while. I don't think I fully "get" William Castle's approach to film but what stuck out to me is how this one takes place in largely two locations and how Vincent Price's character is kind of the antagonist, experimenting on animals, himself, and other people (resulting in a murder) to get at the Tingler. Much like in House on Haunted Hill I'm not wholly sure how some of the spooky things in this film actually work and I don't think I'm meant to, adding to the bizarre nature of the entire series of affairs here.

Invaders From Mars...oh yes. One of the absolute best 1950's science fiction films is also the most lyrical and dreamlike. It reads at times like a Soviet parody of an American child's story would be like; a boy sees every institution designed to protect him as a child and as an American turn against him on account of some nefarious foreign invader, so his only course of action is to get the US military involved. It plays out so well because it's a POV piece from a young boy, which eases over any leaps in logic both in terms of form and content of this film. Which is more than can be said of the remake, part of the diminishing returns of Tobe Hooper's then contract with Cannon. The film largely follows the same plot structure but decenters the frame through which we see it unfold giving it a "the military is legit" vibe. It also is just a bit more mean-spirited in ways that are designed to taunt the audience versus the original film's more hardened edge to it. I think a great summation of the difference between the two is that the 1953 film had Martian bodyguards that are clearly guys in fuzzy green pajama suits, but they're more threatening than the ones in the 1986 film which are giant quadruped Stan Winston monsters. I digress. Had this come out 20 years later it would be classified as part of the wave of "why are they remaking everything?"

Speaking of remakes, briefly want to mention the 1995 Wasp Woman. It's The Wasp Woman for the 1990's, now with explosions and softcore sex scenes. I can't wholly defend the original 1959 film despite my affinity for it, so let's just say this one is of comparable quality.

The 1930's are a delightful treasure trove for horror but sadly we only have two up for offer. Mad Love makes me curious as to how other adaptations of The Hands of Orlac handle the material; I was convinced a guy got his head surgically reattached and with artificial hands to boot. Always good to see Colin Clive and Peter Lorre. The Walking Dead feels like a dry run for what Boris Karloff would do later that decade in the much better The Man They Could Not Hang, just with him as the victim here and not the mastermind. Truly some of his best work as an actor as he has to float through the world not being allowed to live or die, that shit sticks with you.

We watched a scant few Halloween specials proper, I always feel like I want to watch every Halloween special possible but sometimes the enthusiasm leaves me. The Last Halloween is trash, but that's on me for thinking something made for very small children would appeal to me as an adult. It crams far too much into its brief 22 minute runtime, so the only thing that manages to escape into the zone of interest is that the CGI aliens are actually very well done for a 1991 television production, had this been all about them (voiced by Hanna Barbara stalwarts such as Frank Welker and Don Messick, along with Paul Williams), this would have been far more tolerable. Halloween Hall o' Fame is the first of apparently several Disney television specials that repackaged their theatrical shorts inside a live-action framing device. It's quaint but this format would live and die by the quality of the shorts included; I'm not intimately familiar with Disney's back catalogue solely because they've barely released anything on home media but I absolutely adore the one where Pluto goes to Hell and is put in a kangaroo court with cats on the jury. I feel like the novelty of The Scooby-Doo Project and Night of The Living Doo have carried them along further than their actual quality have, stray artifacts from when Warner Bros was briefly testing to see if Scooby could be an adult property now, doomed to the same fate as Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. The latter of these two specials made me come to terms with the fact that David Cross was "a big deal" at some point. The Great Bear Scare is the winner here. How could you not like an animated special where bears have to stand up and be brave against an oncoming horde of Halloween monsters? What makes this an oddity (sort of an obligation for me and Halloween specials) is that this is animated 100% without in-betweens, so every character in every scene cross-dissolves in real time between their keyframes. Depending on who you are it could be ridiculously distracting or make you step back and appreciate how hard animation is.

Clearing out our remaining animated showings, I felt like I would really get back into Scooby-Doo and The Reluctant Werewolf. In the mid-late 2000's when Cartoon Network was desperately trying to excise showing anything from their backlogs, this is one of those films that was on repeat constantly as midday viewings especially over summer. It's just so far removed from what Scooby-Doo "proper" is that it's an enigma, I go to bat to defend each of the "red shirt Shaggy" movies but this is brain melting at times, there is no mystery to solve, monsters are real, Fred/Daphne/Velma are completely absent, half the film is dedicated to a drag race, it goes on and on and on that I feel numb after a bit. Uzumaki...it's good. I feel like the fact that this was in production hell for five years following the first trailer release made me stop caring so all the shenanigans regarding the reaction to the animation dropping off (the production team got screwed over, how the fuck do studios not have the money for FOUR EPISODES, David Zlasv strikes again) brushed off of me. Regardless of that I think the actual pacing would have restricted this given how much sequential material from the manga now has to occur concurrently. It gets by solely because it's Uzumaki and as such it channels such a foreboding sense of dread and despair that is unreal. This more than anything is the true epitome of cosmic horror because there is no "source" or "identity" behind the threat that is warping reality around you, there is nothing to oppose and be defiant against, which was true of the manga and it remains true here. Bravo.

The 1970's prove to be another sporadic decade for horror. Cathy's Curse proves that no matter how good technical effects are, do not watch any Carrie knockoffs. Blah. Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks...you took a movie where a Frankenstein monster fights a caveman and made it boring, congratulations. In the interim between 2021's viewing of Curse of Frankenstein and now, I've made the effort to watch the entirety of the Hammer Frankenstein series. They make for a brilliant reinterpretation of the source material with Frankenstein effectively being antagonist: he kills consistently for his experiments, which often time warp and alter people's identities along with their bodies. The "holy triumvirate" of the series as referred to by me would be The Revenge of Frankenstein, Frankenstein Created Woman, and Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed, all for showcasing new stuff that can be done with the character and any prior influences such as the Universal films being absent. Then comes The Horror of Frankenstein, a soft remake of Curse of Frankenstein, with Terence Fischer and Peter Cushing both absent. It's a dry and tedious affair that just rehashes what Curse already did, just now with a black comedic angle and no real consequences for Frankenstein himself. It's easily the worst of the series and why I'm glad Hammer backtracked for Frankenstein and The Monster From Hell. This is probably the first instance in film history where a sequel has consciously ignored a preceding remake, and while it's not wholly original either, it's comfort food for fans of this series, and now employs a darker more claustrophobic setting in an ~insane asylum~. Not the best ending for the series, but Hammer, along with Toho and Ray Harryhausen's efforts with Columbia, sort of represented the "old" styles of horror that were pretty quickly being replaced as the decade went on. This film specifically came out the same year as the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it was a transitional period where what horror once was was cast away. Still not sure why the monster in this film looks like a Neanderthal man but that's just me.

Tourist Trap desperately tries to be one part Psycho and one part Texas Chainsaw, and it admittedly starts off with a nice hook of animatronic puppets being the main focus of the film, but it falls through the cracks and just becomes another random 1970's horror film. Vampyros Lesbos makes me realize that my infatuation with Zombi 3 last year did not mean I'm suddenly infatuated with Lucio Fulci's overall filmography, exceptions are not the rule. Come to think I don't think I've seen a single lesbian vampire film that I'm smitten with, how do you make this boring and not sexy at all, fuck you. Scream, Blacula, Scream is the obligatory Blacula cash-in sequel, nothing worthwhile to see here and none of the charm and significance of the first film is carried forward here, sigh. "DEDICATED TO THE MILLIONS THAT LOVE BRUCE LEE," The Dragon Lives Again is one of the plethora of films featuring Lee impersonators following his death, showing Lee in Hell as he has to find a way back to Earth while also fighting off The Godfather, Dracula, The Man with No Name, Emanuele, Zatoichi, and James Bond while allying himself with Popeye and Dr. Who. No I am not making any of this up, yes, this film was made with very little money so it sounds far more interesting than it actually ends up being, but it's a cute film, I can't be mad at a film made for me, nor can a movie showing Popeye eat spinach to fight mummies or Bruce Lee knocking out Dracula with his "third leg" be something you don't go out of your way to watch.

The Alien Factor is Don Dohler's first and best film. I love the fact that a dozen people made a small scale alien invasion/slasher film in their backyards with actually solid special effects for something that was probably made on the weekends. You can't hate this film, it's made from pure love for what was already decades old genre material. Had some of the script and acting been tightened up this could have become one of the more widely recognized independent films of the decade. Oh...Alucarda. I hate when they make a lesbian devil worshiper film between girls coming to terms with theirs sexual orientation and then they aren't the heroes of the story. We've come a long way since then.

Given that the Eggers film is still a few months out, I'd say Nosferatu the Vampyre is my preferred interpretation of the story (not my favorite Dracula adaptation overall mind you). Let me say that I think remaking Nosferatu is ridiculous solely because you're just doing Dracula, again, just with some stylistic details brought on from a specific prior Dracula. But this film goes all out. It's one of those times where I'm reminded of why slowly paced films with shots that last minutes at a time are so great. It relies very little on narrative (the extent/nature of Dracula's power of the geographic barriers between Wismar and Transylvania go unexplained) but you get so thoroughly sucked into the setting and the characters that you can't complain. This has undeniably the best portrayal of Mina in any Dracula film, she's effectively the protagonist by the second half and each of her encounters with Dracula are on her terms, he's effectively powerless against her even if she ensures they both die in the end. Also, rats. So many rats. Everywhere. The plague is in town.

Shock Waves is just great 1970's horror. Shoot on location, hold the camera in hand the entire time, do it cheap, have a dreamy distant narrator, and make it grisly. I do find the concept of Nazis engineering platoons of super soldiers and we only seeing just the one in this film is probably the scariest thing about it, it invites you to think about what else is happening out of sight. My favorite first watch of the year.

1978's Invasion of The Body Snatchers is also a phenomenal remake. This one is difficult for me to talk about because it just pushes all my buttons, I felt like I wanted to cry throughout the duration of this viewing, it is an incredibly mean film. Someone you know just one day turns on you, and then everyone else follows suit. You think you know your surroundings and your city but everything is flipped upside down and you can't even describe why. From the very start when you see the premature pods land on Earth it's made immediately clear that no one is making it out of here, it was too late as soon as it started.

But there can only be one #1, and this year it's Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. Another instance of "nothing is going to beat this" as soon as I rewatched it. I feel like I'm alone in considering this one of the absolute best in the series, I feel like between the espionage and exploration and blood and laser fights that this is just one of the films that reminds you of why we make and why we watch movies, you get to have some semblance of every possible human emotion watching this. There's not much more you can ask for.

[dearlymrme]

Hello! Could you do 35 (from the prompt list) with Copia? 💙

The way you write each of the boys feels so accurate- I come back to your blog and re-read your hcs and get so giddy whenever I get a notification that you had posted 💙

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoy it and thanks for the ask.

Make 'Em Laugh (Copia x Reader)

Copia x Reader || Dad Jokes Should Be Their Own Warning || Oral Sex

It's a casual afternoon. Both you and Copia sit in his room on his couch. You sitting at one end with your Switch. He plays his Gameboy, laying on the other end with back against the armrest and socked feet just grazing your leg.

You simply enjoy each others company as you both do your own thing. You hear the tunes of Tetris from his device as you play a new game that had just released, one you had been looking forward to all year.

Then you hear it, a small and fauxly innocent snicker.

"No." You flat out deny. But your order goes ignored and the snickering continues. You take a deep and slow breath through your nostrils, praying for patience.

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian told me to take it out."

You groan, hanging your head and tap your Switch against it. And by giving him his desired reaction he opens the floodgates.

"You know why you shouldn't go for a cheap circumcision? Because they're nothing but a ripoff." His delivery, choked on his own laughter, makes you close your eyes as you thin your mouth into a firm line, trying not to laugh at his horrible dad jokes.

No, you would not give him that satisfaction.

"Copia."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day." He laughs as you give a pathetic whine.

You settle at him with eyes begging for mercy.

"Please stop."

Only to be met with the tip of his tongue peaking from between his lips and a blown raspberry.

"Make me."

You toss your Switch to the side and quickly slink into his lap. His own Gameboy falls to the floor as he cinches his hands around your hips.

"Did you hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter? Pretty nuts, right?" You quickly attack his lips that despite his laughter he eagerly returns.

Whether he gets you to laugh or not, it's always a win for him.

The kiss is desperate. Your tongue flickering against his that he graciously returns before sliding his hands from around your hips to your backside and squeezing your ass. His dick leaps against your mounds, steadily getting harder.

As you break for air he smiles against your jaw.

"Did I tell you the joke about the truck?" You groan in frustration at failing to get him to stop before deciding to bring out the big guns. That didn't work. it was time to do the thing that always works. Slapping his hands away from your rear, you travel down his body. "It's only semi-ah!" He hiccups as you pull down both his sweatpants and underwear to get at him.

"Your cock is only 'semi-hard.'" You respond with a snicker of your own before your on him. His dick is thick enough that there's a small pain in your jaw as you open to accommodate him. Half flaccid, though he does down your throat easily.

Copia hisses, hands fisting your hair as you lap your tongue against the head of his cock, savoring the salty taste, before devouring him completely. And there is no slow with you this time. You quickly start to bob your head and take him deeper with each pump.

"A...peanut walks in-fuck!!" He coughs as one of your hands reaches past his cock to squeeze at his sack. Your thumb brushes his testicles gently, as though asking forgiveness.

His hips start to rock along with your sucks as his eyes nearly roll as you pull off and flick your tongue around the bulbous head of his dick, flitting across his urethra and pressing into it. His jokes have turned to moans, and snickers have tuned into half stuttered begs.

"Close." Is his only warning before your hand squeezes him at the base and travels up his shaft, and his legs lock. You smirk as you see the skin of his lower stomach quiver before you expertly milk a jet of cum from his cock.

You immediately wrap your lips around his head and lathe your tongue against the underside of his gland as he releases into your mouth. You hear the cushions of the couch strain against his grip as he holds on for dear life.

It's quick, probably the fastest you've gotten him to cum to date, and as you swallow his release and pull of his cock you see him leaned back against the couch with his head nearly hanging over the armrest, his eyes closed and lips parted to a soft groan.

"Knew this would shut you up."

[randomdeinonychus]

It has its moments, honestly, but there is nothing in the actual film that remotely lives up to these posters.

TENTACLES (1977)

[biggestkawaiifool]

Lolita girl club ( a parody of pink pony club by Chappell roan )

I know you wanted me to buy

But I can't ignore the crazy visions of me in angelic pretty 

And I heard that there's a special place

Where boys and girls can all be lolitas every single day

I'm having wicked dreams of leaving Amazon 

Hear 42 lolita , I swear it's calling me

Won't make my rip off dress proud, it's gonna cause a scene

She sees her ita girl , I know she's gonna scream

God, what have you done?

You're a lolita girl 

And you shop at actual brands 

Oh rip off , I'm just having fun

On the stage in my platforms 

It's where I belong down at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on wearing my cords at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on buying my jsk's

Second hand

I'm gonna keep on buying at the

Actual designers , and indie brands 

I'm up and jaws are on the floor

Lovers in the bathroom and a tea party outside the door

Head dresses and some pretty lacy socks 

Every night's another reason why I left it Amazon

I thank my wicked dreams a year from buying ripoffs 

Oh, Taobao , you've been too good to me

Won't make my rip off dress proud, it's gonna cause a scene

She sees her ita girl , I know she's gonna scream 

God, what have you done?

You're a lolita girl 

And you shop at actual brands 

Oh rip off , I'm just having fun

On the stage in my platforms 

It's where I belong down at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on wearing my cords at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on buying my jsk's from

Angelic pretty

I'm gonna keep on buying at the

Actual designers , and indie brands 

It's where I belong down at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on buying 

Second hand

I'm gonna keep on buying at 

Angelic pretty 

I'm gonna keep on buying  at the

 actual Lolita brands , actual lolita brands 

Don't think I forgot you all behind

Still embarrassed of my rip off dress 

You're always in the back of my mind

And rip off dress  , every single day 

I can see your lacy frills  in my closet packed away , saying

God, what have you done?

You're a Lolita girl 

And you dance at the tea parties 

Oh rip off , I'm just having fun

On the stage in my platforms 

It's where I belong down at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on eating  at the

Lolita girl club 

I'm gonna keep on buying my jsk's from

Indie brands 

I'm gonna keep on buying at 

Actual brands , Actual brands

I'm gonna keep on buying 

I'm gonna keep on buying at actual brands

Hey guys ! This was inspired by a conversation I had with my best friend about almost falling into the trap of The Amazon Lolita dress when we where baby Lolita’s LMAOOOO hope y’all enjoyed it

(*˘︶˘*).。.:*♡

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/18/2023: LINK (1986)

It was very upsetting to me to learn that Richard Franklin's LINK was the first of the killer lab chimp movies from the late '80s. In my mind, it's like, MONKEY SHINES was both novel and really pretty good; SHAKMA was not that good, but it's inoffensive and has a fun premise; and then um...LINK also exists. Even though I watch nonsense like this voraciously, something in me said, "Well, I know about SHAKMA, and that's probably the same as knowing about LINK," and then I just never followed up. Turns out that LINK predated them all, and it is also maddeningly stupid and insane.

I was somewhat relieved to learn that the director started thinking about this 1986 movie in the late '70s as "a sort of JAWS with chimps". It's much easier for me to think of LINK as another JAWS ripoff than it is for me to conceive of it as an original work that inspired the vastly superior MONKEY SHINES (1988) and the dismissable SHAKMA (1990), whose main crime is just being really half-baked. LINK is about how like...so Elizabeth Shue plays a zoology student who asks famous professor Terrance Stamp if she can be his assistant, and he's like "Uh can you cook and clean?" and she pretty much says "Well I'm a woman so duh, yes" and then without any further discussion she moves into his English cottage waaaaaaaaaay the fuck out in the middle of nowhere and just starts cleaning up after him and his dirty, horny, violent chimps. And you're like, doesn't she have class? How can she be literally shoveling shit at this guy's extremely remote house with no car and a phone that barely works? Why didn't she ask this guy what she'd be doing there? Why didn't he TELL her what she'd be doing there? What IS he doing there actually? He's vaguely doing IQ tests on the animals, but he's also just quickly selling them off, like they're all used up already, so...what was the point of this again?

Link himself is an ex-circus monkey whose main thing is lighting fires and smoking cigars, which Elizabeth Shue haughtily objects to--but how can we have an anti-animal abuse statement in a movie where an animal is actively smoking a cigar? At least it feels like pretty much everybody is being abused in this movie, since Mme Shue then has one of the strangest and most unnecessary nude scenes I've ever seen in my life, when Link walks in on her getting ready to take a bath and she just stands about six inches from him letting him ogle and breasts and crotch. And I mean there's no directing this ape, it's pretty much a given that if you stand a naked woman in front of him he's going to stare, and he does, and I really had to wonder if there was any discussion about this scene, if there was any protest, if there wasn't a better way to squeeze nudity into a movie where there's both a boyriend and a dashing older mentor, if it's really absolutely essential for Elizabeth Shue to drop trow and awkwardly stand very close to an ape who she is supposedly unhappy to see, for what feels like a long time.

This is one of those movies in which something ridiculous and confusing happens so frequently that it's really hard to generalize about the experience of watching it. To give you a useful idea of what it's like, I'd have to list almost everything that happens in it, but unfortunately (fortunately?) this has been the speed run season of Blogtober, and that's not in the mail. So I guess I'm going to call it a night on LINK, because I have now seen it once for the first time, once to refresh my memory on what I wanted to say about it, once to torture my unfortunate husband because I didn't want to be alone about it, and...that's more times than I've seen some movies I've really like! So I'll just encourage you to drive your own self crazy with it, and finish up by saying that I found myself wondering which was more uncomfortable for Elizabeth Shue: the apesploitation scene from LINK, or the assault toward the end of LEAVING LAS VEGAS, which I'd imagine the cast and crew at least took seriously? We may never know, but at least now I have an excuse to surface one of my favorite moments from the excellent series High Maintenance. I'm eternally grateful to whoever uploaded this to YouTube, because now I don't have to be the only person in the world walking around singing this song to myself on a regular basis:

And that's all I have to say about that. I'll just add that while I was scrounging for images for this post, I found this Alamy stock photo from the scene where Elizabeth Shue is rescued by Link from one of the many vicious dogs that surround Terrance Stamp's place. This is such a weird, non-representative still from that movie, but it's kind of cool just because it's such an odd choice. The End!

[randomdeinonychus]

My personal favorite Jaws cash-in.

Theatrical poster for Alligator (1980).

[cumaeansibyl]

Today I learned a new word: tokusatsu, lit. "special effects," the genre of Japanese live-action media with lots of practical effects. We don't normally use such a broad categorization in American-influenced media but honestly it makes sense to me -- the lines between like super sentai, daikaiju, and other science fiction are very permeable, and the same could be said of American-influenced sci-fi, creature features, and superhero media. We just don't think about it that way.

(I don't like the term Western here, or anywhere really. And I know the Brits and the Italians in particular are doing their own things, but also they are very interested in playing to US markets. The sheer number of Jaws, Star Wars, and Alien ripoffs that came out of Italy ca. 1975-1990 I think proves my point here.)

Anyway we are watching The Green Slime which is absolutely full of space miniatures and also Luciana Paluzzi in Dazzler's silver jumpsuit so we're having a marvelous time

[critical-chris]

Mouse Hunt (1997)

That's right, folks. Today we're talking Mouse Hunt.

I know what you're thinking. Why? When I've spent most of my reviews discussing recently released or relevant films, why would I suddenly take the time to watch and write about a forgotten 1997 comedy vehicle driven by Nathan Lane and Lee Evans?

Dollar, dollar bills ya'll. This is my first ever commissioned review, and the sick individual willing to cough up some cheese for Critical Chris had to hear my thoughts about Mouse Hunt. What an advertisement for my services.

I had never seen Mouse Hunt as a kid and frankly had never heard of the movie until college, when a friend of mine insisted that we take time out of our busy drinking hours to watch one of his beloved childhood movies. The same friend who spent prime weekend days clicking away at League of Legends, or whatever that stupid World of Warcraft ripoff is called, on his laptop at our kitchen counter. Like smart, intoxicated adults, we declined every time. Instead, we focused on finer films like Anchorman and Katy Perry: Part of Me. You know, classics.

I would classify myself as a Nathan Lane fan, but in the sense that what I've seen of his I have enjoyed and not that I've seen all of his movies. I loved him in The Birdcage, found him to be one of the only good parts of The Producers, fondly reminisce on the life he brought to Timon in The Lion King, and liked a few of his bit parts here and there. Lee Evans, on the other hand, I truly only remember from There's Something About Mary, but enjoyed his performance quite a bit in that movie.

For context on my state of mind going into this movie, I had just watched Aftersun for my upcoming blog on Oscar nominations and predictions, and was still wiping the remainder of the tears I cried at the ending when I decided I needed a pick-me-up. If you've seen Aftersun, and you should, you can understand that mentally I was in a very depressed space once the credits rolled. That movie kicks you in the gut when you least expect it. What better way to pull an emotional 180 than chase that film with a battle of wits between a couple bumbling buffoons and a rodent.

The setup for Mouse Hunt is simple enough: Two rather distant brothers reunite when their father, the proprietor of a string manufacturing company (because that's common), dies and leaves them not only the company but an aging and decrepit mansion. Oh, and he left them a piece of string. Nathan Lane plays a stubborn, indifferent renowned chef uninterested in his father's legacy unless it comes with a payout. Lee Evans plays a simple unemployed man with more of an emotional connection to his father who has recently been dumped by his controlling wife. Lane only desires to sell his father's company, while Evans sees an opportunity to continue the family business.

Both brothers are shocked to learn their father owned a mansion that is now passed down to them, and even more astonished that it ends up being the work of a historically renowned architect. The brothers cannot believe their luck as several magnates descend upon them offering fat checks and millions of dollar, dollar bills ya'll. There's just one issue, the house is occupied by a sneaky, relentless mouse. Oh, did the title give that part away?

There were some really brutal uses of outdated CGI effects through the film that reminds you the quality of movie you are watching. The setup of Nathan Lane inadvertently serving the overweight mayor a lavish meal with a cockroach inside, which had been hiding out in Lane's father's cigar box, was decent enough, but the cockroach itself looks like something made for Jaws 3D or a clay-mation project for film school.

However, I found Mouse Hunt to be funnier and better made than it had any business being. The opening joke of Nathan Lane criticizing his brother for not owning a black suit to wear to his father's funeral, and the subsequent gag of dropping the casket and sending their pops' corpse flying into a manhole, set the tone for the film. There were a handful of funny, well-executed gags and some good back and forth ridicule volleyed between Lane and Evans.

The joke of Lane and Evans rigging an insane number of mousetraps and accidentally trapping themselves in the same room hints at the gag to follow, and the mouse sending a cherry flying to set off every trap on the brothers is another great moment.

The scene where Evans is firing a nail gun into the walls in an attempt to kill the mouse in his territory, and seeing the grand interior destruction and mouse dodging the seemingly massive metal spikes, was fantastic. It not only has you sympathizing with the mouse, but gives some great disaster movie-esque effects. The same can be said towards the end of the film when Lane attempts to 'flush' the mouse out during their mansion auction by stuffing a running hose into one of the mouse's holes in the wall.

I had a funny feeling that we may have a surprise cameo in this move as well, and when CHRISTOPHER WALKEN enters this thing as a crackpot exterminator with an assortment of gadgets, it sent me over the moon. Walken is cranking up his schtick to an eleven, and has a funny moment when analyzing mouse droppings as he subsequently eats one. He, of course, is outsmarted by the mouse as well, but I loved his addition to the movie.

The other side characters are fine. Evans' wife, portrayed by Vicki Lewis, plays her part okay, leaving him at his lowest only to come back into the fray once she hears of his potential payout from the mansion, only to leave again when the mansion crumbles to dust. Maury Chaykin plays an eccentric millionaire obsessed with the famed architect offering absurd checks to Lane who dismisses him in favor of an auction to drive up their earnings. Everyone else is in the movie just for moments or are forgettable.

The ending was fairly cheesy (pun intended) as well. After the mansion crumbles and the brothers are seemingly left with nothing, they enlist the help of the mouse to convert their father's string factory into a string cheese factory. I suppose they had to come up with some happy ending, but I thought it was kind of a cop out to go with a play on string cheese. However, I probably couldn't think of anything better in 5 minutes, which I assume is how long the writer spent drafting the closing scene.

I don't want to praise the movie too much because, at the end of the day, it is a goofball comedy that is far from a classic. The laughs and gags provided do make it a much better comedy than you would expect by the cover photo and title, but don't go in expecting to find your new favorite laugh riot. Fans of Nathan Lane, however, should be pleasantly surprised.

In conclusion, thank you to my first ever paying fan for sprinkling a handful of singles into my bank account so I could take 90 minutes out of my evening to sit back, turn off my brain, and indulge in this comedy. I'd also like to mention that I was correct for all those years in college and beyond, and this was not a classic movie we were dismissing in favor of watching other movies or drinking our nights away in its place.

Mouse Hunt - 6.3/10