#leave immediately and wait in the car
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cumaeansibyl · 3 months ago
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The Substance
short version: five out of five stars, I had so much fun, for God's sake read the CWs. there are so many needles in this.
further thoughts: I think the viciousness of this movie rests on Elisabeth (Demi Moore) having built her career on promoting the very same unattainable beauty standards that she finds herself in conflict with. It's no coincidence that she's not just an actress, she's a celebrity fitness instructor. Going on TV every morning to tell us all that our bodies aren't good enough. She threw her lot in whole-heartedly with the beauty merchants, she preened and profited, and then she was shocked -- shocked! -- when they inevitably, predictably turned on her.
It's also telling that once she's injected the titular Substance and generated a new, young, beautiful version of herself, what does she do? She goes right back to the same business as before. Being sexier, fitter, more desirable than anyone else. Telling everyone their bodies still aren't good enough. Well, why not? Even her own body wasn't good enough for her anymore.
Coralie Fargeat has zero fucking sympathy for her and I feel the same. Oh, is it hard now? Is it alienating and dehumanizing and humiliating? Did you never bother developing yourself as a person because you were too busy peddling feminine oppression for Dennis Quaid, of all people? Fuck you! Suffer harder! You are complicit!
I would love to know how this lands for conventionally attractive women -- I never put in a sustained effort of this kind because it was made quite clear to me from a young age that the "right" kind of beauty would not be available to me. That comes with its own pain and its own fantasies about a "perfect" version of myself, but I suspect it's a different set.
I also wonder what trans women think of it, because while it's a very cis woman story (in that Elisabeth has always been a conventionally attractive girl and woman) it's also like... about transforming into a more desirable version of yourself, which, come on.
Finally, I feel like there's some disability commentary to be had in here, though that's not a subject I'm well versed in. I did find myself thinking, from time to time, that to many people it would be very tempting to have a body with no pain, a body that always moved easily and performed all its functions with no trouble. Even if only sometimes.
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cumaeansibyl · 6 months ago
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we are in a theater full of sickos and degenerates awaiting the start of Beyond Re-Animator: A Jeffrey Combs Retrospective and look at that fucking lineup
I haven't felt this at home in a crowd since the b-movie festival we used to go to and honestly there's a lot more women and queers here
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cumaeansibyl · 25 days ago
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Ohhhhh your horror movie is about struggling with grief and loss? should we tell everyone? Should we throw a party?should we invite elizabeth kubler-ross
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cumaeansibyl · 2 months ago
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Hey y'all I'm on hour 13 of a 24-hour horror movie marathon and I need someone to tell me how many times Peter Cushing has to kill Dracula before it goddamn sticks
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cumaeansibyl · 3 months ago
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"hello? hello??? jimmy stop messing around, this isn't funny anymore!"
and then they get fuckin CREATURED because they were making so much dang noise
hate whenever mfs in horror media are like “what was that noise…” bro you and i both know its creatures
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cumaeansibyl · 2 months ago
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I don't know if Neil Breen (edit: his name was Joseph but I'm leaving the error because it's hilarious) actually had a written rule that women aren't allowed to use violence in movies but it would actually explain how very few movies during the Hays Code period allowed female characters to do so
it might not have been written but I honestly think the censors might have been discouraging that kind of thing as improper -- and if you happen to be making a horror movie you're already on thin ice so you have to go along with the lesser cuts if you want to keep the important bits in
I am now thinking fondly of 1961's Bloodlust, a mostly mediocre teen horror adaptation of "The Most Dangerous Game" that's earned my undying love for allowing one of the young girls to defend herself by judo-flipping her attacker into a vat of acid
I've really never seen anything like it from that period, not before or since, even from noted female violence fetishist Russ Meyer. It really adds a punch to a narrative.
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cumaeansibyl · 2 months ago
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Thinking about the history of bulk horror production: Roger Corman would absolutely have kicked the tires on AI-powered filmmaking to see if he could bring a movie in cheaper and faster that way, but he had his fair share of bad ideas, so that's hardly an endorsement.
To do him justice, though, he would've had a lot more questions about the actual price structure than most people who are excited about generative AI. A lot of these things are being offered at a loss because the sellers are waiting on a nebulous Something to happen that will make genAI worth its real cost, at which point they'll jack up the price. Corman would want to know what that price is gonna be right now.
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cumaeansibyl · 6 months ago
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Evil Dead (2013) is a great argument for drug users' rights
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cumaeansibyl · 1 year ago
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if you have a chance to see Godzilla Minus One in theatres -- it's in wide release in the US for a limited time -- absolutely do it
I'm by no means a Godzilla superfan but I've seen several of them, occupying a vast range of quality and mood (the 70s were a time), and this is definitely top 3. I enjoyed Shin Godzilla but I think I liked this better. It would be a good entry point if you don't know Godzilla but it also contained several classic elements like a train getting fucked up.
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Also they did a proper orchestra re-arrangement including the underappreciated 1962 King Kong vs Godzilla theme. If you listen to this you will want to fight a three-headed dragon.
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grave-st0ned · 7 months ago
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finally moved and bought myself a lil treat (or 5) for getting it done in one day i am SO EXCITED TO OPEN WHEN I GET HOME
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lochnessies · 2 years ago
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friend and i went bowling and stole a sign from our university
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cumaeansibyl · 2 months ago
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Everyone commenting that slasher villains are persistence predators: that's true of human likes, but undead or otherwise supernatural ones have an additional ability known in the revenant studies community as Offscreen Teleportation.
Simply put, the villain is only limited to a walking pace when they're on camera. Once offscreen, they can move instantaneously to any point in space, provided they are at least arm's length from the victim. Using this ability, the villain can set ambush locations from around the next corner, on the other side of a door to apparent safety, and oh God he's right behind you!
Offscreen Teleportation is most common in slasher villains but has also been observed in mutants, cryptids, and other creatures, with occasional temporary cases recorded in otherwise normal animals while under the influence of unsubtle environmentalist metaphors.
Actually cannot stop watching this
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onyourstageleft · 5 months ago
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one thing about me is that if a friend is in a car accident, I will absolutely drop everything to do whatever needs to be done for them
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sprout-senior · 8 months ago
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literally going super psycho mega evil rn MY GROCERIES WERE SUPPOSED TO GET HERE FOUR HOURS AGO AND NOW THEYRE TELLING ME I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER TWO
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boobearymuch · 2 months ago
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A Rising Sun
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Summary: Thirteen missed calls and twenty unread text messages. Not even Mephisto could track you. “You’re really starting to worry me here, kitten.” Sylus pressed the phone to his ear, eyes glued to Mephisto’s live feed as he soared through the N109 Zone’s darkest alleys, “If it was something I did, let me make it up to you.” Tags: Sylus/Reader, gender-neutral, slight angst, hurt/comfort, reader is mc, established relationship Word Count: 1.8k A/N: requested by @hrts4hanniehae read on ao3 | masterlist
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Crystal clinked loudly against a mahogany table as Sylus put the empty glass down with a seething glare. He would’ve slammed it were it not for your sleeping form just several feet away, however. Your chest rose and fell under his satin sheets, and he counted each breath like a rosary bead; you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine. He unstopped a priceless bottle of whiskey and poured himself another drink, but the tremor in his hand sloshed amber liquid over the sides. Sylus huffed but didn’t bother wiping up the mess. Instead, he downed the whiskey in one go and squeezed his tired eyes shut. The burn was nothing compared to the chill down his spine when he found you. 
Thirteen missed calls and twenty unread text messages. Not even Mephisto could track you. “You’re really starting to worry me here, kitten.” Sylus pressed the phone to his ear, eyes glued to Mephisto’s live feed as he soared through the N109 Zone’s darkest alleys, “If it was something I did, let me make it up to you.” The begging in his voice grew more obvious as the voicemails went on, “—Please. Just let me know you’re okay.” Sylus drew closer to the hologram, helpless, as Mephisto investigated another possible location, “I can’t…” Another dead end. The mechanical crow cooed softly before swooping into another street, and Sylus heard his voice catch in his throat, “...I can’t feel you anymore.” 
Beep. The call ended, leaving a loaded silence in its wake. 
He considered leaving yet another voicemail when Mephisto turned a sharp corner and pointed his eyes at a dark figure slumped against a wall. No, no, no. His worst fears were realized when the crow perched himself on your knee and cawed loudly, as if scolding you for causing so much trouble. Then his lens panned over the blood. So much blood. Sylus couldn’t recall the ride there, which car he took, how fast he was going. Trivial details, to be frank. Your name was the only thought in his mind, the only language he understood—you, you, you. Sense returned to him when he clutched your limp body in his tight embrace, and you groaned weakly in his arms. “I’m here,” Sylus sighed against your ear, “Always here.” 
The sheets of his bed rustled as you shifted your weight, and Sylus shot you a look. “Sylus,” You called weakly, and winced as you sat up.
“Don’t lean on your arm.” Despite your discomfort, his narrowed gaze remained fixed on the empty glass in his hand. He made no move to approach you, “You’ll disturb the bandages.” Out of the corner of his eye, he watched you take note of the gauze wrapped around your bicep. The bleeding stopped a while ago. “That wanderer missed your artery by a hair,” Sylus drawled, and your confused gaze met his cold look, “Your luck never ceases to amaze me.” Then he stood, your confusion morphing into panic, “Let Mephisto know if you need anything.”
“Sylus, wait—” You outstretched your hand, the bandaged one, and immediately hissed in pain. Sylus froze, but like before, remained where he stood, “How long have I been out?”
His lip twitched. “Three hours now,” A beat, then he was reaching into his pocket, “Here.” Your phone bounced against the mattress at your feet, and Sylus watched you pick up the shattered screen. Wincing, you turned it on, and he quietly studied your distress.
“I’m sorry,” You began softly, but Sylus forced his eyes to the floor. He couldn’t stand the guilt in your eyes, “I got so caught up I didn’t—”
His raised hand cut you short, “Don’t.” And he turned away sharply, “Just focus on resting.” The lump in his throat was difficult to swallow around, so he grabbed the leftover whiskey and rushed out.
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Cooling down with some vinyl records had been his first instinct. Dusting them off, running his fingers over the plastic covers, then finally settling on just one. Fretting over their display was a nervous habit of his, his go-to when he needed a distraction. But it proved too difficult to position the needle correctly with trembling hands, and Sylus watched the needle stutter over the grooves with a grimace. Instrumentals kicked in over the stereo quietly, but it still wasn’t enough to drown out his swirling thoughts. He should be with you right now. Tending to your every need and shushing you gently to get some rest. Instead, he hid away with his records, inhaling and exhaling to relax the tight ball in his chest. You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine.
He repeated this useless prayer to himself to prevent other thoughts—darker thoughts—from bubbling up. It didn’t work, though. “Sylus?” His eyes widened at the sound of your voice, before they suddenly narrowed in suspicion. As if on cue, Mephisto breezed to his perch in the corner of the room, and Sylus shot the crow a withering glare. So much for keeping you away from him, damn bird. Mephisto only pricked his feathers innocently in response. Your bare feet then padded across the room, but Sylus refused to turn around. You shouldn’t have to see him like this. “Sylus, would you please look at me?” You insisted again, stronger this time, “Are you angry?”
Usually, he craved your bluntness. Right now, he resented it. “I should have locked him in his cage.” Your steps drew closer, and Sylus concentrated on the spinning vinyl.
Your tired sigh gripped his heart. “I heard your voicemails,” You announced quietly, “It’s…It’s okay if you are. You have every right to be.” 
It’s just so like you to put his feelings first. As if he had been the one bleeding in an alley for hours. Sylus pinched the bridge of his nose, “And if I was?” He turned to face you, finally, and noted the half-step you took back. Sylus couldn’t help the scowl that tugged at his lips, “Why aren’t you?”
You frowned at him and rubbed your arm distractedly. “I…feel bad for making you worry. I’m sorry, and I totally understand where you’re coming from.” You then tugged nervously at your clothes, avoiding his sharp gaze, “I would be angry with me too, believe me. Especially after I said I’d be more—”
Sylus couldn’t help it, a humorless laugh erupted from his bitten lips. You only stared in bewilderment as he raised a hand to cover his mouth, “Angry at you…?” He shook his head as another wave of trepidation passed through him, “You misunderstand,” Then his voice fell ominously low, “I’m not angry at you.”
Surprise gripped your expression, “I don’t understand, then. Why are you angry?”
“Why?” It was Sylus’ turn to give you a bewildered look, “Why?” The answer was so obvious, he almost felt ridiculous spelling it out for you. Through gritted teeth, he tried anyway, “Because I failed to protect you, that’s why.” That lump in his throat returned, so he promptly shut up. His words clung to the air for several moments, but he didn’t dare take his eyes off you now. A flurry of emotions overwhelmed you; perhaps you were realizing that, yes, he did fail you tonight. That realization never quite reached your eyes, though. Instead, you slowly shook your head before falling back to get comfortable on his couch. 
“Come sit with me.” You patted the area next to you and watched him expectantly. Sylus stared. You always did find new ways to surprise him, somehow. He fought three wars in his head—before losing them all—and hesitantly took his place by your side. The big, bad Onychinus leader avoided your soft gaze. “What happened tonight, neither of us is to blame.” Your voice fell hush, and he didn’t need to look at you to know you saw right through him, “You can be angry, but please don’t hold a grudge.” You scooted yourself closer to take his hand in yours, and his eyes numbly flicked to your linked fingers. 
“If Mephisto hadn’t found you…I didn’t know what to think.” His voice trailed off, and he swallowed thickly, “Your aether core. I couldn’t feel it.” His thumb caressed yours gently, “Fear like that isn’t easy to forget.”
Guilt brimmed in your eyes again, and he wished he hadn’t said anything. “You found me,” You began fiercely, “And I’m okay now, thanks to you. Because of you. You could never fail me.” Your words only deepened his scowl. It should never have gotten to that point in the first place. You should never have been in that position—alone. Your interlocked hands tightened, “Sylus…” Your murmur, spoken like a wish, was accompanied by a sudden warmth between your palms. He inhaled sharply as he watched your hands glow, evols linking as you resonated with his. The feeling was difficult to explain. Resonating with you blanketed him in a warmth like no other, like he was morning dew glowing under the rising sun. Like it was the first and last time he’d ever feel sunlight. You were alive. You were well. And if you harbored any ill will toward him, then resonating wouldn’t have come so naturally to you. He’s glad it did. 
The resonance ended all too soon, however, and the light of your evols dimmed to nothing. Sylus’ record played softly in the silence. “Thank you,” He murmured at last, feeling calm for the first time that evening, “...And I’m sorry.” You made it difficult to stay upset. You had no idea how much power you held over him—over his mind and body alike—how easily you could mold him like putty in your precious hands. Right now, though, you guided those precious hands to his chin and looked him over properly. The dark circles, the disheveled hair, the cracked lips; you drank all of it in and let worry settle in the crease of your brow. He hid his embarrassment behind wisecracks, “Like what you see? A picture might last longer.”
You shot him a look, “You should take a shower, you’ll feel better.” Your expression then softened, and your thumb caressed the side of his smirking mouth, “But hurry, so you can join me in bed.”
He swore he felt traces of your evol smoldering within him, “Easy, kitten, you’re still recovering.”
Amusement sparkled in his ruby eyes when you abruptly pulled away, flustered, “You know what I meant!” Tsk, it was too easy sometimes. Sylus tried and failed to hide his smile before unexpectedly lifting you off the couch, “Sylus—”
“I’ve got you—yes, I do, now stop squirming,” Hanging on with your good arm, Sylus held you tighter than he’d ever done before. Letting you down would never be an option again. “Save the struggling for later, sweetie.” You merely huffed and settled into his secure embrace, but your free hand clutched his shirt just as tightly. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. 
Morning dew, meet rising sun.
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cumaeansibyl · 9 months ago
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Although Christian Midsommar sucks out loud in several ways I really can't help feeling that he's over a barrel in the beginning -- he can't dump Dani after her family dies because he and everyone else would think he was the biggest bastard in the entire universe, but he really should. For both their sakes. I just get why he feels like he can't.
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