#javieran save me … save me ………….

[javierduffy]

sketchbook sillies

[peteinthegardent]

my dear kieran

[javierduffy]

nawt super excited abt where my art style is going

[javierduffy]

missed them so bad my heart hurt so i slapped these together at the gym

[javierduffy]

sometimes i make myself emotional by thinking about how special it must be to javier that the gang at the very least somewhat learned cielito lindo for him so that they could sing along but now im doubling it by thinking about how kieran may gingerly wander up when javier is quietly plucking at the strings of his guitar, tuning them by ear and relishing in the comfort of the body vibrating hums through the meat of his thighs. kieran will politely sit on a nearby unused bedroll, knees tucked close to his body as though taking up less space is the respectful thing to do, and he’ll point to the instrument in javier’s lap.

“where’d you learn that, mister ?”

javier finds the spindly finger in his peripheral vision, follows it up to the brunette’s nervous face. he offers green eyes an extra glance, and he can see them soften like he’d given himself away already. damn.

“i learned it at home. in mexico, music is a very special thing. we use it to tell stories, history, to communicate with one another. mexico speaks music first, and spanish second. nearly every mexican can play at least a handful of instruments- i couldn’t tell you which one i played first and who it was that taught it to me. by now, it’s like a part of my body, just like it is a part of my soul.”

kieran nods along as javier continues to mindlessly poke and prod at the strings of his guitar, and he finds himself relaxing in a way that he’d never been able to around the man. maybe because javier himself seemed to be so content with his guitar in his lap. like a chef in a kitchen or a mariner at sea, javier brought home to him when the sounds he played echoed through wood and sang loud to his typical audience of outlaws. the crease around his eyes tells kieran that he asked about the right subject- though it seems that escuella is just as good at playing heartstrings as he is guitar strings, with the way that he can feel his blood loudly thrumming in his chest.

“could you maybe… teach me sometime too ?”

the way javier rears his head at the question makes kieran jolt- prey spooked wild in the dark eyes of a predator- though the recognition of excitement (as much as javier attempts to conceal it with apprehension) smooths his bristles back down again.

javier teaches kieran every song he knows, from the ones with all the lyrics he soothes or excites the camp with, to the lulls of wordless melodies that sailed the boat north with him. kieran is good with his hands, and attentive to his every action, so he learns quick and easy, though he’ll never sing a word, even if he could memorize the spanish (and even though he already has a lot of them simply by having dutifully listened to javier sing every night that he could). considers himself a flat dud when it comes to singing. javier is curious, but he’ll never press. often he’s too busy reveling in the sound of home emanating from kieran’s fingers plucking desert lullabies, songs javier thought he’d only ever get to hear from himself.

it hits different, to simply get to listen. to put your boots up on a log and enjoy the ride. he’d been the driver for so long that javier forgot how beautiful the scenery was. he’s grateful that kieran asked him to teach him how to play guitar- he finds himself nearly indulging the idea that when kieran practices or plays, he’s playing javier’s music for javier, and not because it’s the only music he knows. he finds it all too romantic, but the warmth that the idea brings to his skin is just as familiar as the mexican sun, and it aches in his heart how comforting those moments are.

kieran, on the other hand, in his soft, sunken heart, is absolutely playing javier’s music for javier. he can see how the notes have always danced along his smile lines as he sings or hums along to the sound. he’s always seen how protective of his guitar he is. he watches closely as javier plays even when no one is listening, and kieran more than anyone understands just how special something has to be for it to never grace the stage of another’s perception. and kieran, so knee-deep in his affection, wants to give javier the gift of comfort- a form of it so free he may feel he just robbed it from a corpse.

kieran becomes quite good, and javier becomes quite comfortable. often, in the direction of a billow of campfire smoke, you will hear the wordless song of guitar strings, accompanied by the howling gritos of love and grief.

[javierduffy]

if i don’t draw javieran dancing when i get home from work i fear i may die

[javierduffy]

I'm in the middle of writing a javieran piece and it's got me thinking because by chapter 4, Hosea and Dutch are arguing more often than not, John is starting to pay more attention to his family, and Arthur is beginning to express his doubts more. So like if Javier and Kieran WERE in a relationship (and assuming Kieran lives, but this would still apply somewhat if he was dead) Dutch would be quaking in his boots and may even try to drive a wedge between them because if JAVIER starts to notice the cracks in the gang and focuses more on his relationship Dutch is done for. What do you think?

(this isn't very articulate I just woke up lmao)

ohh this is such a good idea … i’ve never really thought about how the rest of the gang would react to (and subsequently interact with) javier and kieran being together … personally i would think dutch could only start to really care (and become increasingly paranoid about it) if kieran were to survive. yes, by early chapter 4, dutch was already distrustful of john because john was distrustful of him after blackwater, but he only really “cut him loose” in his mind post-jack retrieval, when john really started, in dutches words, “playing family”. only by then does dutch really start to become increasingly more comfortable with entertaining the idea of exiling john from the gang, as seen by his several counts of threateningly reminding john that the first rule of VDL’s is that the gang comes first. meaning, once dutch lessens that influence of caring about john, he now has more berth in his mind to focus on and worry about other gang members. not to say that dutch wouldn’t have already considered the threat of javieran’s partnership, as dutch van der linde is the king of laying awake at night thinking about how all his loved ones can (and “probably” will) betray him, but i don’t think he’d truly be able to concoct a story in which he doesn’t come out on top, so he leaves it alone initially.

but if kieran were to be dragged into camp, one way or another, half dead and with an army of o’driscolls not too far behind him, dutch may now see this as the chess board being shuffled and the javieran side of it now having the upper hand. not so much in the sense that kieran has played any hand himself out of malice, but if he seems to be so important to colm o’driscoll that he’s willing to follow him out to a backwater corner in a shithole swamp just to kill him, then dutch now feels more comfortable with the idea of seeing kieran as baggage, or even a threat by proxy. plus, he sees how desperately javier is trying to settle the unease and distrust that is spreading in camp- several times has he rallied a campfires’ worth of people to continue trusting and believing in dutch. dutch knows exactly how valuable javier’s loyalty is, not only in his manpower, but also in his heart, and you’re right that he wouldn’t want to lose that. in dutches perspective, john’s seemingly solidified betrayal, followed by the o’driscoll attack, hosea’s death, and the trolly, i honestly think it would be in, and immediately after, guarma that dutch would begin to set his sights on impeding javieran’s partnership.

by this point, javier has a severely weakened sense of self, purpose, and safety due to the chaos of so many fatal failures in rapid succession for the VDL’s, while also having a powerfully bolstered sense of duty, trust, and loyalty to dutch because of how he committed to saving javier’s life before getting off of guarma (while arthur saw the worst of him there, javier was locked in a cage, so he’s no more privy to his leader’s downward spiral than he was before). so pairing this state of mind of javier’s with the way that kieran essentially lead the o’driscolls straight to them, it’s the perfect in for dutch to start trying to worm his way into javier’s mind about how kieran may not be “who he thinks”. now, i’ve seen a few documentaries on dutch, but i’m certainly no specialist, so i can’t settle on how exactly he would go about proposing doubt into javier’s mind. i could see him projecting things onto javi, convincing him into believing that it’s potential that he sees in kieran, and not what he actually provides. or perhaps similar to how grimshaw sees the threat in mary to arthur’s loyalty and attempts manipulation accordingly, dutch may not even pull javier aside but simply start speaking to his boat of disheveled followers on the way back from the island, saying “you know, we lost a few good men back there, and are mending a few more. that o’driscoll ambush was the last thing we needed- and that kieran, i never did like him.” simply to knowingly leave javier deflated, conflicted, and left separated from his lover long enough to let the love in his heart get muddled in the chaos.

by here, it could be written two different ways, depending on where your javier lies in his distance from canon LOL “canonically” (not that it could be, by now, since kieran must be alive, but let’s say that’s the only thing that changed and we aren’t going to diverge the ending itself any further), javier would fall for dutches tongue, and his relationship would eventually fall apart. kieran would notice immediately that javier’s heart was no longer with him, and it would quickly go downhill from there- in my opinion, kieran would then abandon the gang like a few of the other members prior to the climax shootout, and javier would make it there with just an extra ounce of grief in his heart, going on to flee to mexico like normal.

the OTHER outcome, and how i would write it personally because canon is simply something for me to clock in and out of as i please, is that javier’s conflictions are just a smidgen less due to that little ounce more free kieran makes him feel compared to the current state of the gang, (and no matter what, if he has to fight, he’ll fight, if he has to run, he’ll run. if he has to die, he’ll die. but he’ll stay free. yes, i am bastardizing this quote towards individuality.) and he manages to break free of dutches delusional influence- with dutches attempt at splitting javieran up being the thing that gave javier the courage to doubt him. javier owes dutch his life, and he knows this, but by chapter 6, javier’s love and the purpose he’s found outside of the gang (with kieran), like john’s (for his family) and arthur’s (for john), gives him the clarity to choose that over blindly following dutch off of the cliff. usually it’s around this time that i write him to flee, off to go find kieran again and choose him again, for the last time, once and for all.

i do think this is a very fun thing to speculate on !! thank you for sharing with me and for asking my opinion on it :’] it makes me very happy that you wanted to hear it !!! i agree with you that dutch could very well begin to see javieran as a threat against him, especially with john’s “betrayal” happening right before his very eyes stinging him already. it would be very easy to conclude that dutch would want to begin meddling in any relationships that aren’t between people whom he knows won’t question him- and kieran was never really loyal to him at all. if anything, it’s arthur he’s loyal to, what with how he thanks arthur profusely for sparing, protecting, and improving his life overall. dutch is smart enough to know that if he can convince javier to shake kieran, he’ll stay a valuable pawn on dutches side of the board no matter what, because then he’ll have nothing else again.

please please please do let me know when you’re finished writing it !!! i would be ecstatic to read it, i’m living on crumbs over here <//3

[javierduffy]

Aaaaa ok Javier breaks a leg or smth and has to be on bed rest for like a month and he’s SO BORED he lets Kieran teach him how to knit and ends up making an ENTIRE quilt and sweaters for all their cats

YA ..... javier "i do my own stunts" escuella would 400% go out and literally 'break a leg'

once diagnosed w 'leg machine broke' syndrome, he calls kieran at like 11:45pm and goes through the whole, "hey baby-- yes everything's alright- i'm at the hospital- yes i'm the one in the hospital. ive been here for a little while. everything is okay i just- well i broke my leg. yeah screwed up a stunt. yeah i'm alright i can barely feel it anymore. okay-- okay, i'll see you in a little bit. love you too, bye."

one week into his government issued bed prison instatement, javier feels like he's going crazy; there's only so much social media that even he can absorb. more hours than not, kieran is out tending to the animals or cleaning or something or other, peeking in every so often to make sure javier is doing as he's told (he's caught him trying to hobble out of bed by himself before, pulled an "i'm not mad just disappointed" and javier skulked back into bed like a chastised pup). though during his free time, he'll sit contently next to his bf in bed and knit. usually they either sit in comfortable silence, or just talk abt random topics, but every now and then javier'll ask abt what kieran's knitting/how he's doing it/if it's as easy or boring as it looks, and kieran excitedly answers, rarely looking up from his needles.

soon enough, javier's got his own set of needles and is watching intently as kieran demonstrates how to fold the yarn and where to twist to ensure it'll come out looking how u want it to. now ... javier is a very fast learner, has it down almost completely in the first day, and all he basically does since then is knit. cat sweaters, kieran sweaters, charles and arthur sweaters, quilts, his whole bedside floor is covered soon enough and kieran couldn't be prouder.