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hcneymilkks · 3 years

Text

Month

A fake dating au but make it marriage. Two best friends scroll on social media and notice a trend where newlyweds send invites to famous celebrities to see what will happen? An appearance? A gift? Who knows. For the two best friends, as a joke, set up a fake wedding and request the most expensive gifts with the option of money. Sending invites to celebrities ranging from Kim Kardashian to even the Queen, they are surprised and shocked to realize that not only were gifts being delivered nearing the “big day” but a request to be part of the celebration causes the two friends to create a fake marriage in the smallest amount of time they have.

University AU! Aged-up Haikyuu Characters!

Fashion Designer/Psychologist Oikawa

Humanities Y/N

Rain splattered on the window, causing little droplets here and there to roll down with no hesitation. The quiet hums of lo-fi music made its way around the little bedroom, with vigorous typing accompanying it.

Backspace.

Enter.

Click and delete.

Brain throbbing, a sigh escaping from the lips.

It was no use, the longer the computer was stared at, the more your brain felt like mush.

“Damn him and using me to do his research analysis.”

Speak of the devil.

“Y/n!”

You stood up, turning around and crossing your arms with a glare. There he stood, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe with a sly smirk on his face.

Tooru Oikawa.

“How’s the report going? I hope to see it done by tomorrow?”

“Fuck you,” you strided over and pushed his arms, causing him to slightly lose balance. “Just tell me how you managed not getting kicked out yet. I swear you casted a spell on your professors or something. It's like you don’t do anything.”

He feigned hurt. “I do!” He whined. “Just not class related.” He pushed past you and flung yourself onto the bed, burying his face into your freshly washed sheets. “I’m designing a new clothing line inspired by the different volleyball team colours.”

“Is this your way at relieving the pain from not making it to nationals?” you snickered, remembering how pissed off he was after Ushijima told him he should have gone to Shiratorizawa.

“I-you little shit. This is why I never tell you things.”

“Shut up shittykawa you literally are making me do your research proposal. I know nothing about psychology!”

“I’m helping you learn a new subject! It’s time to look into your own brain and see what’s wrong with you!”

…

Three.

Two.

One.

“OIKAWA YOU LITTLE SHIT!” you flung yourself on top of him, garnering an oomph! sound. You smacked his back repeatedly.

He let it have your way, already coming up with a counterattack.

With stinging hands and shallow breaths after saying nothing but curses, you stopped and climbed off of him. Immediately, he’s on top of you. Pinning your wrists and getting dangerously closer to your neck. You couldn’t lie, he was attractive, but knowing him and his two-faced personality, you’d rather stay friends.

But did you really want to?

A part of him knew you wanted him, but was that a risk you were willing to take?

Deep breaths.

A low chuckle. “You love me y/n. I know you do, and I also know you’d do anything for me.” He smirked and pressed a kiss oh so close to your lips, getting up and dusting off his black shirt.

“I’m leaving! Remember, the paper has to be done by tomorrow!”

The door closed and for a moment you looked at your ceiling.

Eyes wide.

Taking a pillow, you screamed into it.

“SHITTYKAWA!”

“Here you hoe, now for once in your life do your own work.”

You stomped into one of the many University studios, aiming the folder at Oikawa’s head much to his dismay.

“Thank you love you!”

You glared at him and waved a hand. “You definitely owe me like five bowls of ramen after what you put me through. I can’t believe you made me read so much on children’s brains and development.”

“I mean they said to choose something I liked, so children and volleyball worked together. Plus, if I actually had to conduct the research, my nephew’s volleyball club would have been perfect.” He finally turned around after pinning the teal fabric to the mannequin, striding towards you and ruffling your hair.

You mumbled incoherent curses as Oikawa picked up his sketchbook, writing down a quick note before closing it.

“Let’s go, I’m starving.”

The fragrant air of spices and creamy broth filled the little shop, making you drool. Grateful that Oikawa was rich, you took the opportunity to order almost everything on the menu.

“Y/n isn’t that-” you growled at him and he smirked.

“Feisty, you know I love that.” he winked and you gagged.

While waiting for the food, both of you were scrolling on Instagram. Having most of the same friends, it was no surprise that your timelines almost looked identical. Rolling his eyes, Oikawa saw a group photo of most of the volleyball players Hinata was pictured with, wanting nothing more than to squish the little one.

But then something caught your eyes.

You looked up at Oikawa who seemingly had the same expression, eyes wide, yet confused.

The dead groupchat came back to life with a link sent by Matsukawa, something about a bet.

matthewkawa

Look at this lol

Sent a link

[Youtube storytime: The Time I Invited Drake to My Wedding (Spoiler Alert: He Came!)]

hannamaki

Wait why would someone invite a celebrity? Aren’t they hard to ask?

nishinoyya

Wait that’s cool! Asahi-san can we invite Jason Derulo to our wedding?

acai

Wait...what? What wedding?

y/n

Waittt i’ve seen that video

Apparently as a joke the person sent lots of invites to different celebrities. Most of them gave gifts or money but I guess Drake went

iwachew

LOOL IMAGINE Y/N AND CRAPPYKAWA DOING THAT

yoyoinata

I can see that woah!

milkyama

Psh! Flattykawa and y/n. I can’t see it. y/n deserves better lol

fabkawa

OI TAKE THAT BACK STUPID

y/n

Oi don’t talk back to my child like that shittykawa

fabkawa

Shut up y/n and eat your ramen

You glared at him before saying thank you to the waiter. Both minds now occupied with the creamy ramen and soft boiled egg.

Flipping a page, you smiled. There it was, the fake couple who both fell for each other, breaking so many rules. But who couldn’t resist?

Oikawa scrolled on the computer, typing and clicking. He swiveled around in his seat and went over to you, peering over your shoulder.

You smacked his arm. “Personal space excuse me!” He put his arm up in defence, smirking.

“Remember the post Matsukawa sent?

“Yeah. So what?”

“I made the wedding on May 14th and invited some celebrities. Who did you want to send an invite to?”

You dropped the book. “Say what?”

Oikawa dragged you from his bed and sat you down on his uncomfy chair. Indeed, the computer screen showed a cheesy website where people rsvp to weddings. Already half of the groupchat accepted and you know this had to be a joke.

“Oikawa are you dumb? Who are you marrying? Wait no, who would want to marry you?” you looked at him and he pouted.

“Iwa-chan said no, Mad Dog scares me, Ushijima is definitely a no, so you’re left.”

“Who said I would do it?”

“I invited Stray Kids.”

Are you kidding me?

“This isn’t real, we’re not gonna really get married right? I mean if we were technically speaking, the wedding is less than a month away and we don’t have money, a reception place or any other sappy wedding shit.” You looked at the list and sure enough, Stray Kids was there.

“No y/n nothing is going to happen trust me. Plus, who doesn’t like free gifts? I tried to ask for expensive gifts and money because someone’s wardrobe and apartment looks ugly as hell.”

“You better not be talking about me bitch. I’m gonna set that sketchbook on fire.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Add some more people on the list, I wanna see how far this can get.”

“I never said I agreed to it,” you mumbled but nonetheless added in a few of your favourite celebrities, including the queen.

After all, if this worked, free money. What’s the harm in that?”

A lot went wrong after that.

It was three am a week after the planning and your phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Grumbling, you answered the call without looking at the number…..which was a stupid mistake.

“Y/N! HOW DO I CANCEL THE WEDDING?!”

“Relax Papi you said nothing would happen? Free money right?” you yawned not even realizing what you said.

Oikawa sputtered on the other line, shaking his head and ignoring how you called him Papi for some reason. “Yeah but uh...we have a little problem.”

“Hm…”

“Jason Derulo accepted the invite ...and he can’t wait to see the ceremony.”

From that moment, you were fully awake. “WHAT?!!”

“What do you mean you can’t cancel the wedding?” you rubbed at your temples, losing more brain cells by the minute.

"Okay so apparently my last name is common around celebrities, seeing as my father owns different restaurants. So it’s not a surprise to them that they wouldn’t attend the wedding.’

“Fuck.” you breathed out. How did the both of you not realize this?

“Okay so um..what now?”

Oikawa ruffled his air. “We go through with it.”

"Fuck no.”

“What why?”

You’re the one who thought of this crazy idea! It’s all your fault!”

“But you’re the one who put Jason Derulo in there!”’

You smacked your forehead. “It was a joke and for free money! Look what you got us into.”

Yells back and forth, each blaming the other. It was like the night wasn’t going to end soon. Tired from the arguing, you smacked Oikawa’s chest. “Stupid,” you mumbled. “I don’t want to do this!”

Oikawa scratched the back of his neck. “But what if I want to?” You looked up at him confused. “You know, like how Hinata and Tobio fake dated but then became boyfriends.”

“Oikawa, that’s different. That’s dating, this is marriage. It’s adult stuff, I can barely cook!”

“I’ll cook for you.”

You walked away from him, going towards his balcony. The view was beautiful, seeing various stars and the lights shining from Tokyo. “This is too much for me to handle. You're a pain, you know that?”

He wrapped his arms around you and instinctively you snuggled closer to his chest, facing the view so he wouldn’t see your red cheeks.

"Remember when we were children? And we had a whole promise that we would be with each other forever?” you laughed. The classic child marriage pact. It was as if almost all friendships started with that promise. A promise to love and stay with each other no matter what.

“That’s child play.”

He started to rub circles with his thumbs on your arms, you feeling relaxed. “One month. Give me one month after the wedding. We’ll go on a honeymoon to London, I'll teach you how to cook, you can live with me, we can adopt a puppy.” Oikawa gulped and looked at you. “And if you don’t like it, we can pretend none of this happened. In fact i’ll stop bothering you with my assignments and my presence.”

One month. That sounded like a challenge. A challenge that Oikawa was willing to risk everything for. A month to make you fall for him.

“...so we’re splitting the gifts and money equally then, right?”

A/N: I’m back! This has been in my drafts for months. At first it was supposed to be Yuto from Pentagon but after getting into Haikyuu I was like fuck it and changed it to Oikawa. Also because yes LMAO. I hope you all liked it and let me know your comments! Part two will be in the works if people want it, for now its a oneshot aha.

Much love!

tags: @babyworld , @bakuhoes-dumbass

103 notes · View notes

jiminrings · 4 years

Note

hi!! can i request a drabble of new personaltrainer!jungkook training a pretty awkward (and kinda chubby/thicc..?) y/n and its super fluffy and aaaa,, i love your writing aaaa 🥺

cloud nine

pairing: jungkook x y/n

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: y/n finally gives into jimin the gymbro’s thoughtful push, and jungkook is sO close to barking back to his chihuahua the moment he gets home :D // gif isn’t mine but look at it it’s so cRISPY!!!

notes: thank you sO much babie!! here you go :D

okay that’s iT!!

you totally need something new in your life

you need a change of pace or whatever that’s called

all the days you’ve been having are all blurring into the same one and it just makes you feel so stagnant

the only difference you could point out are the sleep shirts you wear and that’s ONLY if you don’t try to repeat wearing them

you now have a list of people you’re in awe of

people who genuinely and unironically consider friends the tv show as a cinematic masterpiece because nOAH FENCE how do they manage to get entertained by laugh tracks and the same skit over and over again

ok maybe your slander towards it increased because hoseok (the guy you have a sorta crush on) likes it and he leaves you on read and sometimes doesn’t even open your message and thEN you’d see his instagram stories and they’re all just???? friends???? what was the reason

and second, jimin!

jimin’s your best friend and that just makes you awed even more because you don’t even know how the two of you got close

jk it was when your friends forced you to come with them at this inflatable water park and you were sCARED and so he held your lifevest and was like

“hEY do you wanna take this in the same pace that i’m doing it?? tbh i just wanna get back to my mimosas but my friends paid too expensively for this”

<3 he has been the guardian of your heart since <3

jimin’s just so well-paced and organized and knows how to have his fun that his daily life doesn’t seem like a mindless routine

you are actively YEARNING for that kind of lifestyle

and right now it just seems like the stars are aligning for you and are practically made for your existence alone!!

jimin’s a gymbro

he is the living breathing talking definition of gymbro and gymrat and gymgod or whatever it is

.....

.......

.... gymin if u will ....

okAy then

but he wasn’t the aggressive type of gymbro, not at all!

he’s a total natural!!

like he’s ripped but not excessively and exaggeratedly ripped

he doesn’t flex but the muscle definition and the physique are just wHew exquisite!!

he doesn’t talk in protein powder lingo but you aren’t surprised to see a giant jug of it inside his cupboard!!! after all he’s proud to say that it’s practically all-skill!!!

and to top it off.,.,

okay so jimin takes off his shirt right

the two of you are neighbors and you often come into each other’s places and it feels like home too

and you aren’t complaining!! you know that he runs a little hot that normal and you wouldn’t want him overheating

but he has this large tattoo on his rib that reads nevermind and it’s so cOOL and it just makes the gears in your head go creak creak because aha your best friend is the blueprint huh

you’re not surprised!! you really aren’t!!

after all, why would you be surprised out of all the things above when you already know that he owns a goddamn GYM??

the only regret that you have is not meeting him sooner :((

yeah sure pjm athletics does have a nice ring to it bUT WHAT ABOUT PARK’S GYMIN

you’ve always been.,., a lil curious ok

i mean your goddamn friend is the ownEr of a really well-known and well-praised gym!! how could you not??

you don’t wanna mooch off from him though no matter how much he offers you free classes and stuff

he always brings you home extra merch and energy drinks that you’re sure you can now have a tap for gatorade

he’s not dENSE!! he sees how you look at him whenever he does push-ups on your floor or when he does planks like no big deal

there’s this thought at the back of your head that y’know..,., what if THIS was the thing that’s gonna be your change of pace

lmao you’re looking for hardship basically

jimin’s finally had it when you sigh for the eleventh time while he’s doing pull-ups

you want to spend your own money and he knows you won’t accept any of his offers!!

that’s it he needs to be smart about this!!!

“woah jimin holy sHIT you’re having a 50% off your membership??? and it comes with a trainer too??? are you serious right now???”

:)))

he can now sleep in peace knowing his editing job for this flyer has paid off and he’s passed the “y/n’s not believing me” stage :))

if it wasn’t established enough there really isn’t a sale lol

here you are then,.,.

wearing workout leggings that jimin deemed to be reAlly great and it made quite a hefty dent in your wallet but you trust his judgement so ok

you’re not in the mood to wear anything besides jimin’s black dri-fit shirt because you really don’t wanna attract attention as the newbie

this is good!! you now have a gym membership AND a personal trainer!!

you dON’T exactly need them but you feel you just do y’know!! there’s no harm in trying :D

you didn’t want jimin to be your personal trainer and he basically sULKED for a whole week

it’s not a him problem!! it’s a you problem!!!

you know that it’s a given that the trainers shOuld be excellently to a degree to actually train someone else

but it’s now dawning in you that HE’S the owner and he’s so intimidatingly good!!! you would look like a raw egg that’s just dumped haphazardly into a pot and he’s the perfectly-boiled egg :((

oh my god

jungkook feels like he’s gonna throw up with how nervous he is

it’s his first day as a personal trainer!! :D

he’s half-excited and half-terrified because holy shit fIRST of all this gym was hard to apply to in the first place

everyone’s flocking it because:

a) it’s really great

b) even greater benefits for the employees

c) the pay is hUGE

d) the equipment?? the morals?? the testimonials?? the owner?? the whole thing??? FANTASTIC

and second omg jungkook won’t admit it to anyone but uHm he’s kinda scared ok

he’s not the type of person that’s comfortable with ordering people around??? even if that’s technically his job???

like what if his first-ever client is a guy like jason momoa and that guy’s a fucking UNIT for sure

imagine hIM telling jASON MOMOA to give him three sets x twenty reps of push-ups

g-gulp

“or i can do it for you, i-if you want?”

he’s bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet and swinging his arms around forward and backward to make them clap quietly

“there, you’re all set!! i already filled up all the forms for you the moment i gave you the flyer!!”

“but-“

“your trainer’s... not me. but he’s uh, what’s his name again, jungkook!! what does he look like again — oh right!! i remember!!”

“jimin-“

“he should be the guy with the big doe eyes!! has a lot of dangly earrings!! if he’s not wearing a sweater then he should be the one who has some tattoos!!”

“no jimin-“

“off you go!! i’ll be bouncing around but i’ll keep an eye on you, don’t worry!! okay now go and i’ll let you have a sip of my gatorade even if we have the same drink :D”

.....

whew

there goes nothing then

you’re about to keep your duffel bag close as a reason to stall to getting to the locker room but jimin’s already one step ahead and snatched it from you

you didn’t even get your towel :((

it had a little blue cloud embroidered at the middle of it and it’s your Emotional Support Towel by default

you’re kinda nervous since there’s some pairs of eyes on you because after all they just saw you have the most carefree conversation with the owner they’re a lil scared to talk to

you’re wringing your hands together as you try to spot this jungkook with jimin’s descriptions and-

O H

jungkook looks so ????

wow?????

he’s gorgeous like that is nOt up for debate

he looks so fresh?? effortless?? handsome???

jungkook looks like he smells like baby powder and freshly-washed sheets

the baby powder that you’re tempted to snORt because it smells so good which was the one you’d put on your chest bc boob sweat and to prevent ur thighs chafing

he had to do a double-take on you because the first time he glanced at this walking person he immediately shut down

like when something looks sO pretty that you have to look away for a second because you literally can’t take it

oR like when you have this favorite scene of a movie and you have to physically pause it before rewinding and doing that for another six times

“are you perhaps jungkook?? because i’m not surE and-...”

“jungkook i am. i-i aM jeon jungkook!! yes, right, jungkook!!!!!”

holy fuck he’s stopped working

your mouth’s a little parted because you didn’t expect him to go on that lil spiel cLEARLY but omg he’s adorable!!!

if he could punch himself he really would

it’s taking him a second to regroup but you take the initiative to introduce yourself :D

“i’m y/n! you’re my trainer from what they told me :))”

you’re a lil more awkward when it comes to social interactions like these but it looks like you’re acing it when put in front of jungkook

the both of you shake hands and then immediately put it behind your back because wow u just shook the pretty boy’s hand AND it’s not even 8 in the morning yet!!

you haven’t even started the workout portion yet but ur already on fire

( jimin’s looking at the security footage and even HE’S blushing from the secondhand embarrassment jungkook’s brough oh my god )

(( jimin suddenly wishes he could unlearn reading people’s lips ))

“so, what brought you here?”

it’s jungkook who asks but he alsO wants to answer himself to say it’s fate aha :D

he’s getting you to stretches and he’s doing them with you!!

“to be honest?? well there was like a fIFTY percent discount but you already know all of that”

wait

what now

“a sale? what-...”

there’s an abrupt noise that goes through the whole gym and it makes the both of you flinch and you even yelP

if you see jimin lifting a 100lbs barbell only to throw it down and cut off jungkook from speaking THEN MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

“you okay?”

jungkook asks you quietly and taps your shoulder and you’re about to faint right then and there of how you met like then minutes ago and he’s cONCERNED

the focus on today was flexibility plus easing you into working out!!!

stretches are the next best thing to working out and it’s a win-win combo bc you’re flexible aND you’re basically exerting effort = kind of a workout apparently

the bit of reaching your toes then doing a downward dog and the upward-facing dog right after to hear that satisfying grunt of your joints is a LITTLE awkward because jungkook’s looking at you

jungkook wants to look away but in the same time he can’t will himself to

one because he’s a young wide-eyed attracted man and twO he’s the trainer omg he needs to look at you!!!

“o-okay! just a set of jack jum — jUMPING JACKS!!! jumping jacks and we could start :)))”

no one told you.,.,.

no one told you where you should look when you’re doing jumping jacks

you can’t look downwards because that’ll throw you off and you can’t look up either because why?? what??? WHO are you seeking up there????

looking straight ahead is kinda awkward

the safe answer was everywhere at once according to you

you sneak a look at jungkook and you almost choke in your own spit with how handsome he still looks

you’re not gonna cope up with that fact probably ever

jungkook’s feeling a lil sweaty now because uHm he shouldn’t really be doing this with you technically

it’s usually a trainer doing it with you for like the first five reps and then letting you do it alone for the rest

but nO he’s doing this with you he doesn’t mind :D

he could feel a bead of sweat by his sideburns and he’s screaming internally to gO the fuck back where it came from

he wants to tear off his hoodie but he doesn’t know if he should since he doesn’t have a shirt underneath!!!

being shirtless to the gym isn’t new but you’re with him and nOW he feels nervous

honestly jungkook would rather overheat than to make you feel uncomfortable

news flash: you want to curl up into a ball and cry about thinking how you’d be sore the next day

you r about to give out and tear up a little bit because fuck this is nOT an introductory workout

you also don’t want to look like a wimp in front of jungkook because that is not a good look for your pride and you’d feel embarrassed for eternity

just two more to go!!

honestly fUCK fire hydrants!!! 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦?? 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦?? 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕊?? 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕓𝕖???? 𝕚 𝕕𝕠𝕟’𝕥 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠 𝕒𝕊𝕊!!!

you raise your head because you’re getting dizzy looking down

jungkook’s looking at you and he sees you looking at him and it dOESN’T help the way you look right now

with you sweaty and grumbling under your breath and ur baby hair all over the place and ur eyes unfocused and fix at the same time a-and ur lips parted and-

JESUS LINE UP AT THE DMV RIGHT NOW TAKE THE WHEEL

jungkook’s so nervous and flustered that his limp actually trembles with how hot his cheeks are and he’s rambling out of nowhere

“fire hydrants amirite??? most certainly inspired by dogs and stuff because cooky, my chihuahua, does exactly that when he pees and-...”

THERE’S THAT LOUD BARBELL CLANGING AGAIN

oh my god he should not have said that

jungkook’s beyond mortified wHY DID HE SAY THAT

you look speechless and you aRE

you’re just nodding at him with a tight-lipped smile and if he knows better that’s because you’re so spent and a little light-headed and less off from his nervous rambling

planks,,, just planks,,, the final bit of it all

you don’t wanna get dizzy at the last stretch so you’re trying your best to not pay attention to the blood rushing to ur head

jungkook’s so distracted with his thoughts that he wordlessly adjusts you

lifts up your core while adjusting your feet closer before pressing his hand to your back and-

aHA FUCK

you now feel like you can run a marathon right after that

jungkook now feels like he can compete in a twenty-hour triathlon

he’s praising you to no end that you did sOOOO good!!! you really did!!!!

meanwhile your face is hot not only from that but also because you’ve endured hardship that felt like hours <3

you’re breathlessly laughing because wHEW you really did do that and wow you’re proud of yourself!!!! it’s not even 10 in the morning!!!

there’s a towel that’s gently patting your face section by section

“you uhm, you didn’t have a towel with you so-“

jungkook pats at your neck to your nape and that’s when it hits that o-OH right i’ll leave you to that

you take the towel with a grin you’re fighting so hard and that’s when you realize that it’s not just a random gym one

but rather it was jungkook’s himself because it’s the same clean one he had in his hands awhile ago!!

you can smell him on it and you make sure to pat your face extra dry because you wouldn’t want to get your face sweaty now would you :D his perfume’s just a bonus, right :D

shouldn’t trainers be the cold and straight to the point ones and immediately leave right after you’re all done????

..... inch resting

“oh my gOD — mr. jimin sir-nim min jimin-nIM!!”

jungkook has the fright of his life when his boss appears from nowhere by his side

jimin laughs at how frazzled this guy is lmao but anyways he came here for you (as if he hasn’t been supervising from afar the whole time)

“want me to give you a ride home or?”

kook’s a little lost and he might just cry as he starts to think that oh wait a second are you guys-

“he’s my best friend.”

you whisper under your breath towards him and he unknowingly sighs in relief

“well did you get here using your jeep or your vespa???”

jimin has this jeep he passionately calls chimmy the jeep and he has a knack for naming things with a ring on it ok

and the other was a cream-colored vespa he bought like six months ago

he learned how to ride the bike a year ago and he was immediately let’s get this to the next level idc i’m getting a vESPA!!!

you have an iRRATIONAL fear of vespas

you’re okay with big bikes and regular motorcycles!!! in fact you find them less threatening than jimin’s motorcycle

the little wheels scare you and it’s just so??? it looks so bite-sized wHY does it look like that???? it looks like you could breathe an extra breath to your right and the vespa would steer to the right

ugh you hate his motorcycle sO bad

“well don’t you hAte public transport when you’re tired and all that???”

yikes you did

it’s true!! you’d call him to pick you up because the bus ride hits harder when you’ve had a long day and u feel every bump in the road possible

“i have a big bike!”

jungkook chimes in and he even raises his hand and that’s when he shuts up when he realizes his mistake

“no one asked mhmm i’m sorry jimin-nim sir hYung-nim”

your eyes widen as it sinks in you that oh my god he mIGHT be as into you as you are with him and that’s so ???? that’s such a heartwarming concept you can’t believe

jungkook has the same big brain moment and he takes your widened eyes as a signal to keep talking

“i have TWO helmets! but uhm one of them is for kooky and he’s a chihuahua, wait i already said that, so that means it’s just a tINY helmet i ordered from amazon but it’s okAy i can wear it!!! b-but i’m not forcing you or anything that i should take you home o-or no offense to mr. jimin-nim sir i am NOT underestimating you or-“

surprisingly, jimin doesn’t hate the idea of you and jungkook

ah he should probably adopt a dog and name them jupiter or sth,,, you and koo look like you’re gonna end up anyways

“okay. just bring her home in one piece.”

he’s oddly calm and that also makes YOU confused

jungkook isn’t confused however because the moment you turn, jimin mouths to him in korean and the rough translation was hurt her and i’ll kill you :D

you nodded your head and that meant he’s iNDEED taking you bome

he starts throwing things in his duffel bag (and he should still be in the gym but jimin jus gave him a free pass) and he’s wordlessly carrying yours too!!

he could feel your fist holding the back of his hoodie and jungkook just feels at peace :’’’)

wearing a ridiculous miniature helmet for dogs on top of his head that won’t do shit is tOTALLY worth it

#feedback pls and thank you :D #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook imagines #jungkook drabble #jungkook drabbles #jungkook au #jungkook oneshot #jungkook oneshots #jungkook fluff #jungkook fluff imagine #jungkook fic recs #trainer!jungkook #bts masterlist #requested drabbles

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perseusjackson-jasongrace · 3 years

Note

Hi I dont know if you want jercy requests at the moment but i had an idea for one :

Dark percy murdering calligula as a revenge for jason

Hello angel! Whew this request was willldddddd and I had soo much fun with it. There isn't any jercy per se (in fact Annabeth and Percy are together in this) but Percy is furrrrrious about Jason and he exacts a very twisted sort of revenge for his friend's honour. Basically this was an excuse to write dark!percy and by gods I hope I delivered!

CW: revenge driven, grief, graphic depictions of violence

Burning Maze Spoilers

he used to be nice.

He used to be nice.

Percy had been digging around the weapons room when his name had been shrieked like a dying animal. He had been looking for protective gear to give to little demigods in his sword-fighting class, when a scream like broken bones cracked through his body. He had been starting another calm, routine-controlled day at camp half-blood when he heard the news that made him snap.

*Two hours earlier*

“Jackson,” Annabeth knocks at his cabin door. He hears her voice carry through the open windows, and over the continuous sound of the ocean. “Pers, we have breakfast in half an hour and you have a sword class to teach today.”

The event had been printed on her wall of “to-dos” so that neither of their adhd brains would have the chance to forget. But he groans at the reminder, not wanting to escape his warm bed, or the duvet that wraps around him like a hug, or the pillows that hold his head as if he is a god. Sometimes he wishes he was a Hypnos kid. Their whole thing is sleeping . The knock sounds again.

“Seaweed Brain, come on,” His girlfriend sighs, “You promised we’d talk to Chiron about the—"

The loud and obnoxious cry of a harpy sounds somewhere in the distance and whatever she says next is drowned out completely. He knows though. Knows what she’s going to say and what they have to do. So he drags himself out of bed, like the last sack of potatoes on the crate. Heavy and bruised and discarded for the most desperate of the lot.

“I’m up,” He manages to rasp. He doesn’t like talking to people till he’s brushed his teeth, and eaten something, and spent at least half an hour staring at an empty coffee cup. A New Yorker through and through he supposes.

“Okay,” He hears Annabeth call, “I’ll see you at the dining hall then.”

He makes a sound half way between a grunt and a yawn and hopes she understands because that’s the best she’s getting out of him. The morning routine is quick, even done at the speed of a stubborn toddler. Soon he is sitting at the Poseidon table, scarfing down eggs and toast, and washing it done with a second cup of coffee. The buzzing in his veins is completely normal. And he’s definitely not speaking at a thousand miles an hour. This is how he always talks. Why on earth they allow coffee in a camp full of adhd kids, he’ll never understand. But it works in his favour so he isn’t going to complain.

By the time him and Annabeth are done talking to Chiron about introducing therapy to the camp, he feels like his eyes are moving faster than his sensory receptors can process and his thoughts are moving faster than his ability to process at all. So when his girlfriend, smiling at him about something, stops outside their training room he looks at her with furrowed brows and asks, “What are we doing here? Are we training for something?”

She frowns, “How much coffee did you have this morning?”

“Only three cups.” He shrugs, and clenches his hands in his pockets as if she can see through the fabric to the shaking body underneath.

Her grey eyes widen as if she’s about to scold him, a petulant child being chided by their ever tired caregiver. It makes the part of him still attempting to function slightly wild. He squishes that part down with the force of a thousand ships. Someone calls Annabeth’s name so with a quick peck to the cheek she leaves him in front of the training room and jogs towards the middle of camp and out of sight.

He stares at the room, trying to get his brain to stop focusing on things he doesn’t need to focus on right now, like the three lines of a song he heard at the grocery store a week ago that he hasn’t been able to get out of his head.

He used to be nice.

Entering the training room he scans the schedule and sees he’s teaching a class of small people, campers younger than ten who are just learning the ropes but should disaster ever strike will be ushered to the Cabin 9 bunkers to wait out the storm. It is a rule that no-one under the age of twelve be subject to war if they need not be. And he will make damn sure the need never ever surfaces.

He gathers swords of various shapes and sizes, along with a few daggers, and the straw dummies that have seen better days. It boggles his mind that they’re at a camp for children of literal greek gods but somehow there’s no funding for basic necessities like extra cots in the Hermes cabin, and better dummies to stab.

Muttering to himself he moves aside metal and stacks of straw, trying to find protective gear in the pile dumped at the corner of the training room. When he doesn’t see any he lets out a long suffering sigh... he has to go to the weapons room, which is more of a broom closet with deadly devices than anything else.

The room smelt musty, and the reek of rust slams into his nostrils at dizzying speeds. It reminds him of blood, and it made his skin itch with the need to get out. But still he bends down and searches through the mess of celestial bronze, and gold and—

The scream cauterizes his happiness. He is panic and pain and death and everything brutal in a single awful instant.

“PERCY!” His name has never sounded so full of agony, each syllable holds the stages of grief.

He is running towards the anguish before he’s even fully realises what’s going on. But what he sees when he crests the hill is enough to make the warmth of his heart run burning cold.

Annabeth is curled on the ground, tears like rivers of woe streaming down her cheeks and a purple flag clutched tightly in her fists.

“What happened?” His voice is soft. If he hears himself too loudly he’s going to shatter.

Annabeth cries harder, her whole body shuddering. Grief is overwhelming. Grief is all consuming. Grief will make itself known like thorns in your thumb or bullets in your heart.

“What happened?” He repeats.

And someone, far away, right next to his ear, inside his head, says, “It’s Jason, Jason Grace. He’s dead.”

He used to be nice.

It takes him three days. Three days of non-stop travelling, by foot, and air, and sea, to reach Caligula’s home. A palace. A grave. It is three days too long. Too long for a murderer to be walking free as if there are no consequences to his vile actions. But still he is here now and he will see the fall of a great, and watch how he bleeds just like everyone else. Not gold, the colour of the emperor’s one true love, but red, the colour of his victims.

Percy's eyes are almost black with violence, green so dark it reflects the night sky. His hands clench and unfurl as if practicing to wrap around a throat and squeeze till the symphony of breathing plays its last note. His body is strung taut, a bow string waiting to release. He is murder. He is nothing. He is your worst nightmare.

“Caligula.” He scrapes. It is the exact sound of a sword sparking against stone. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

Nothing but scared silence greets him. He can feel the fear coating the walls of this burial ground like a fresh coat of paint. He will make a playground of the blood he spills, will invite all manner of creatures to use it as a park. He will revel in the slaughter he is about to participate in.

“Caligula!” His voice is the sharp edge of a small knife. Unassuming but deadly. ‘“It is no use hiding. There is no place you could go where I couldn't find you.” He feels the earth sway underneath him, and he grins. Oh this is going to be fun.

“Fine Emperor, if this is how you want to do it.”

With a shrug, he flings out an arm and turns three columns to dust. He watches the stone crumble, feels the sand on his palm as if he was crumbling the columns in his hands like soft cheese. With a small stomp of his foot a crack rivaling the river Thames splits the marble floor in half. The entire structure shudders, creaks right above him. His grin only gets wider, more dangerous.

“I will level this place to the ground. I will erase it from history as if it had never been. You will not exist Caligula, because you will go with it. Will be crushed under the weight of your own wealth.”

“You’re a fool,” A voice, reedy and nasalled in a way that has his soul curdling, shouts from somewhere on the far side of the room. “You will crush us both."

Percy laughs. He laughs and the sound widens the cracks in the floor. It is deep, and wild, but in the way a wild thing is caged: snapping at it’s bars, hissing to be free. He laughs.

“You are a fool Caligula. A fool if you think i am not willing to die if it means you suffer. A bigger fool still if you think it will not give me great pleasure to spend my last moments watching the life leave your eyes,”

The distant sound of bubbling starts to fill the room. Percy wonders if he can make blood boil. His mother has certainly said so enough times.

“Leave now half-blood,” The Emperor spits. There is still something of arrogant, misplaced bravery in his voice. It amuses Percy. “Leave now and you will not face the consequences.”

“And pray tell,” He contemplates, “Who you think will deliver your consequences if i leave?”

A scoff that echoes into the pathways of his brain comes from the back of the room. “I do not need consequences dealt. I have done nothing to deserve them.”

The sound of bubbling is getting louder. He looks curiously at the cracks still spidering around the room. “Ah Emperor,” He tuts, “That is where you are wrong. People who deserve consequences hardly ever get them. It is those who don’t think they deserve them that become the unlucky bearers.”

“What are you going on about, boy?” He snarls.

The bubbling is loud enough now that Percy almost checks to see if a small brook has carved its way through the floor. There is nothing there except ever growing cracks, turning to rifts and canyons before his eyes.

He used to be nice.

“We can do this one of two ways Caligula.” He starts, honey bees with a sting a little too sharp to be defence. “You can apologise and I’ll kill you quickly, or…” His smile is sickening. “And this is my preferred method, I could watch you die slowly, watch the life drain from your body and into the soil of blood-crops that will grow here, and your dying words will be the mercy you will inevitably beg for.”

The bubbling spills over the cracks, leaking salty water onto the dying marble floor.

“Better choose soon oh dear Emperor,” He giggles, “I am the only thing holding this room together. As soon as I let go the floor will split like your loyalties. You will be crushed to death by your own greed. And if that doesn't happen you will surely drown.” To emphasise his point water starts gushing from the floor, no longer a bubbling stream but a raging river. His laughter is carried along the ripples that hit the walls, already leaking with the all encompassing ocean. “Wouldn’t it be a pity Caligula? To drown in your own home, surrounded by all the things you killed for, watching as they drown with you?”

“Shut up half-blood,” He screeches, “You do not have the power it takes to kill me. You are nothing compared to the centuries I have been alive.”

“Do you know who i am honouring Caligula?” He asks softly, a stark and terrifying contrast to his smile a moment before. “In all your centuries can you remember but one demigod, a dear friend of mine, but just another victim of yours?”

“Does it matter?” He scoffs, “They are all the same in the end. All bleed, and cry, and piss, and die the same.”

The grin Percy lets loose starts hurricanes. It is the absolute wrong thing to say. ‘“If it is all the same to you Emperor,” He becomes terror. “Then i think i’ll spill your blood at his altar.”

And before the doomed emperor could react an invisible hand wraps around his throat and he was being dragged to the middle of the room. His eyes wide, popping out of his head; hands clawing at his neck as if trying to remove the grip they cannot feel; feet flopping helplessly underneath him.

“Apologise for killing Jason Grace.” It is a command.

Caligula glares, attempting to spit at his feet.

Percy tilts his head and with a single crook of his finger he slams the emperor into the wall. The crack is deafening. It makes him grin.

“Apologise for killing Jason Grace.”

Caligula produces an ancient roman gesture, passed through time as if centuries cannot dismantle the insults of humans.

Percy twists his wrist and the emperor’s body contorts into something unrecognizable, bones snapping and shattering to fit their new mold.

“Apologise for killing my friend.”

“Fuck you,” He manages to choke out.

A wave of ocean water alarming in its beauty rises behind him. He is its god. And with a wink he shoves all of it down the emperor’s throat. The column of that pale neck bobs as if attempting to take the water down. He can see the body trying to retch it all up, unable to handle the sheer amount, the salt that comes with it.

“Watch Caligula,” He motions to the palace sinking under the weight of his ocean, “Watch as everything you have ever cared to love drowns.”

Percy grabs a shard of mirror, uncaring of the gash it sweeps across his palm. He holds it up to the ancient powerful Emperor, who is convulsing into nothing. “Watch.”

He used to be nice.

Sometime later when Percy Jackson walks up a hill, and into the fading sun there is nothing but content mania lining his features, and behind him where a grand home once stood, is a trickling river and a single spear carved with the words, “Neo Helios”. The only sign that Caligula, Emperor and murderer, ever existed,

He used to be nice.

Until someone killed his friends.

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[image id: printed text that reads, "I used to be nice." end id]

#Percy Jackson #Jason grace #Annabeth Chase #Caligula #PJJG fanfic #He used to be nice #Firerose requests #PJJG asks #burning maze spoilers #toa spoilers #trials of apollo spoilers

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amarauder · 4 years

Text

Percy is a Boiled Egg (Part One) - Percy Jackson x Reader

004. percy is a boiled egg (part one)

PAIRING; Percy Jackson x Reader

REQUEST; "Are you nervous, love?"/ reader comes along in the son of Neptune quest and they fall in love

GODLY PARENT; Mars (reader is roman, ares in greek)

DATE; May 19th, 2020

WORD COUNT; 6467

WARNING; keep in mind that reader curses using food terms so you're not confused, also, because this is based so much off the book, I already have a disclaimer at the introduction part, but I just feel like it needs another one.

A/N; So, I basically wrote this whole thing in a day? Also, this is only part one because well, I needed to get something out and it's so long already. But I knew this request was going to be long so. It might be two parts, three parts, whatever. Anyway, this is not my best work but I like it. So... Also, I hope I didn't rush Percy's relationship with reader too much, especially considering they actually didn't introduce themselves. But here's the thing, I am probably going to go back and add in the war games part. (it will be in a flashback sort of thing though) I just kind of skipped over it because originally the one shot started after the war games but then I realized that the requester wanted some other things before that. So...

TRAILER; in which reader is forced to tag along on the quest.

REQUESTED BY; becca_unheart

Y/N was more pissed off than worried as she entered Camp Jupiter once again. It had been around two months of merely surviving on a quest, well, actually, two days of trying to complete the quest and the rest was just attempting to survive.

Her and a group of other idiotic demigods, while sprinkling in a few amazons only led to trouble. Y/N should have known that when she accepted the quest to find Jason Grace, but all she found was that the Gods had miraculously decided to stop talking to them, of course, right after their beloved Praetor left. Oh, and the only way she knew how to kill monsters was now apparently not working, despite it have continued on for millennias. But you know priorities.

"Come on, you pork chops," Y/N said as they crossed the Nile River, "I gotta give Renya the run down of the quest, and she's not gonna be happy. So I suggest you shower and get some sleep while you can."

The campers nodded and went their own way, with a chorus of thanks between them.

The walk to the Principa should have been calming, but Y/N was going to meet Renya at the Principa to tell her they had not found Jason Grace which was almost equivalent to a march of death.

But it seemed marching to her death had been too monotonous because when she got there Renya was already there gliding across the floor like an eagle about to grab it's prey. It made her stumble of her panic, she had expected Renya to be out and about, it would give Y/N some time to think about how she could try and make the situation seem better.

Fortunately, Hazel stood in front of Renya, along with a boy who looked around her age. Their time with Reyna would hopefully give her more time to think. It was odd seeing the two together, and Y/N wondered how the boy and Hazel had become acquaintances considering their age difference. Well, what she guessed was their age difference, they were facing Renya and the only thing she could point out was that he had dark hair and was tall. But boys don't usually grow until their late teens.

It wasn't until that Argentum and Aurum nuzzled against her hands did she turn her attention back to Renya.

Renya had never looked so relieved to see Y/N and it wavered her nerves for a second. But then her eyes flickered past Y/N and she saw no Jason Grace, and Y/N saw the corner of Renya's lips dip down again. "Y/N," Renya boomed, interrupting Hazel and causing both the boy and Hazel to look over at her, "It's about time you came home." Y/N opened her mouth to speak but Renya beat her to it, "We will discuss that matter later, as for now, there are more important things to discuss. Hazel take Percy outside, Y/N will join you both to Temple Hill and explain the legion. Good luck with the augury, Percy Jackson. If Octavian lets you live, perhaps we can compare notes... about your past."

Hazel and the boy, Percy Jackson, walked past her. She gave Hazel a smile, and studied Percy. He was rather cute considering his filthiness, he looked exhausted but managed to get out of Renya's wrath without collapsing. Y/N should have been impressed but all she got was an odd feeling about him, as if he was an omen, a quick warning, but she couldn't tell if it was a good one or a bad one.

The second they exited the Principa, Renya collasped in her chair, "No sign of Jason, then?"

"Nothing," Y/N replied after some hesitation, "It doesn't make sense Renya. No clues, no nothing. None of the amazons have seen him, or Lupa. It's almost as if he disappeared in thin air. But the Gods aren't talking to us, and it either has something to do with the monsters not dying or Jason disappearing... maybe even both."

Renya was quiet after her mini speech, but she didn't look shocked as if she had been expecting all of this but didn't want to admit it. Her silence made Y/N nervous. Holy Mars' chicken wings, Camp Jupiter just made her anxious in general.

"I, um," Renya started and then cleared her throat. It was when Y/N took a step closer did she realize that her Praetor had been close to tears. Y/N didn't know what to do, in normal circumstances, she would go up and comfort Renya. But Renya wasn't just anyone, she was her Praetor and she didn't know the guidelines for this protocol. Plus, what was she supposed to say? I'm sorry that Jason disappeared right when you guys were going to become a couple, even though it's illegal and I am not supposed to know that but basically the entire camp knows.

Fortunately, Renya calmed down during Y/N's mini panic attack and picked herself up, "Keep an eye on Percy Jackson, Y/N. There is... He is... I think he has something to do with Jason missing."

Y/N raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. That boy that she just saw has something to do with Jason? What was Renya going on about? "That doesn't make sense."

"He's lost his memory, Y/N."

"And?"

Renya hesitated before breathing out a sigh and gesturing for Y/N to come closer, "I've met him before. Back when I..." she trailed off and gave Y/N a look. Back when she had been working on Circe's Island. "Ya, before I became Praetor, I met him there. He's a Gracceus, Y/N. A son of Poseidon, a son of the big three, just like Jason."

Y/N sat down her heart pounding in her ears as her mind fluttered around thousands and thousands of different possibilities. Was Percy dangerous? Had the Gods sent him here on purpose? What were they trying to pull? Was Jason okay? Where was he? Was there a Greek legion just like them? Were they trying to send them a warning by kidnapping Jason?

"So, you're saying that Percy's Greek and-" Renya startled her by clapping a hand over her mouth, she hadn't even said it that loud!

"You have to be quiet about these things, Y/N. What if Octavian found out? Or worse, Percy."

So, Percy doesn't know he is a Greek demigod, and Renya thinks that is worse than Octavian finding out and killing everyone. Makes sense, obviously.

"Ya, priorities, right?" Y/N scoffed with a roll of her eyes once Renya took her hand off her mouth. "But explain to me what you know, so we are on the same page."

"Percy Jackson is a son of Poseidon and Jason is a son of Jupiter. They are both one of the only known sons of the big three." What about Nico and Hazel, Y/N thought, but just as she was about to open her mouth to ask she closed it. Hades had always been shunned away, maybe his children didn't count? "Percy has no memory but somehow has survived for sixteen years despite the fact that he is a son of Neptune-sorry, Poseidon-and has no markings on his wrist and just recently visited Lupa. What if the Greek demigods never went extinct after the war?"

The idea was so ridiculous that Y/N started to laugh. Her hysterical laughter was more like a panic attack, but Renya just sat her down. "There's no way Renya. No way. The Greeks went extinct after the war, they don't have their own legion. Percy probably just got really lucky and Jason may have gone looking for his sister, ya know? Remember the girl, Thalia, he used to always talk about."

"But Mount Othrys, we wouldn't have been able to take down Kronos' black throne without-"

"No," Y/N snapped at her, realization dawning on her like finding the answer to a previous question on a test after reading a new question. She got up before she would dive head first into Renya's conspiracy theories. "No, there's no way. There can't be."

"Just think about it."

"Why? To stress me out more?"

"No, because what if Jason's there?"

"And if Jason has no memory of us then we are absolutely, positively screwed."

"What? Why?"

"Renya, we do not have the resources right now for a war."

"Who said they would attack us?" Renya snapped back, hurt by her friend disclosing her idea before it had really even started.

"Well, we would. Who's to say they are any different?"

"If Jason was there... I would never, could never," Renya rambled on, her arms wrapping around her stomach. For a few seconds Y/N felt guilty. She knew she would never be able to fight, hell, kill demigods. But she had to nip this bud before it bloomed. False hope never led to anything good.

"I know, but Octavian would." Renya looked up as she said that, and before Renya could mention anything about Y/N running against Octavian for Praetor she left.

"Who's Jason?" she heard Percy ask Hazel before they came into view. It was a nice day, the sun warmed her up nicely and she fought against the urge to just drop down on the grassy area and just sun bathe, maybe forget about life for a while. She probably would have if Jason wasn't brought up.

Y/N and Jason had somewhat gotten along. She respected him and he respected her, but Jason had always been way too serious and had seemed to bring out a sobering part of her that Y/N hadn't even realized she had.

Before Jason had decided to be a little sardine and disappear on everyone, life had been great. She had been working up the ranks and finally had been just about to become apart of the Senate when Jason decided that the fifth cohort needed a different centurion. Jason had left the day after she was appointed the second centurion of the fifth cohort, which according to Jason was an honor but Y/N never believed him.

Besides that, Renya had been her best friend before he left. But now, she didn't know where they stood, not after that fight they had about Jason the day before he left. Y/N really didn't want to become centurion of the fifth cohort, they got the worst weapons, the worst bedding and bathing times. It had been more of an insult than a honor. But Renya had just mindlessly agreed with anything he said, like a lost puppy. It was ridiculous and Renya should have known that, but then he had to go and disappear, and now, Y/N regretted that fight more than ever.

Her and Jason Grace weren't on the best terms at the moment but that didn't stop her from snapping at the boy who was causing even more problems. Why was it always boys?

"No one," Y/N spat and started walking towards Temple Hill without checking to see if they were following.

Instead of cowering away like most of the campers did, all Percy said was, "You remind me of someone."

"Well, if they are anything like me then they must hate you a lot," Y/N growled and threw her hair up in a ponytail. It was knotted and greasy from lack of hygiene, but lack of hygiene had never been one of her top priorities on her quest, on any quest for that matter.

"You remember someone?" Hazel asked, "Who?" Y/N had almost forgotten he had lost his memory. Losing memories isn't common in a demigod life, but concussions were.

"My Mom," Percy said wistfully, then turned to Y/N, "She's not who you remind me of though. I don't know who that is."

Y/N nodded and rolled her eyes, then why did he even mention his Mom, "Have you always had memories of your Mother?"

"Ya, her names Sally and I remember some brief memories of when I was young but that's about it."

"Have you had him checked for a concussion yet, Hazel?" Y/N asked.

"No-"

"Why does it even matter," Percy moped, "I'm going to die thanks to Octavian anyway."

Y/N laughed, "Don't worry about him. Everyone is just stressed, no one is going to die."

"Ya," Hazel added with a teasing smile, "Besides Octavian has a soft spot for Y/N. I think that's why Renya sent her with us."

Y/N had just finished roll call when she saw Hazel skid into line. Fortunately, Dakota hadn't reached the end of his list of names and Hazel had made it just in time to squeak out, "Present!" The younger girl had nectar dripping off her fingertips and she had half a mind to go ask her if everything was okay before Octavian started.

"Colors!" he shouted and the standard-bearers stepped forward. Each drenched in lion-skin and poles with each cohort's emblem. When her cohort presented their own pole, Y/N flinched from embarassment. The stupid eagle was still missing, and Y/N would be damned if entire career at the fifth cohort went by without finding it.

Despite everyone snickering about the eagleless pole, Renya carried on, "Romans!" she called. "You've probably heard about the incursion today. Two gorgons were swept into the river by this newcomer, Percy Jackson. Juno herself guided him here, and proclaimed him as a son of Neptune."

Glancing up at Percy, she found herself shocked at his modesty. He had been led to Camp by a goddess, and not just any goddess, the queen of gods herself. Then, he managed to slash two gorgons, and merely raised his hand and said, "Hi."

Something fishy was going on. She couldn't name one guy who wouldn't flaunt this feat, even Jason had been one to brag about taking down Kronos' throne during dinners.

"He seeks to join the legion," Renya continued. "What do the auguries say?"

"I have read the entrails," Octavian announced, his eyes were locked on her form and Y/N almost stumbled back in surprise. She hadn't been expecting him to be looking straight at her when he said that. Before Y/N could turn to Dakota and see if he had noticed anything odd about that encounter too, even though it probably wouldn't have done any good, Octavian remarked, "The auguries are favorable. He is qualified to serve."

The campers all shouted, "Ave!" One kid in the third court screamed it so loud that Y/N stopped glaring holes into Octavian's head to look at him. Him and his friends had only snickered.

Renya gestured for the centurions to come forward and with a sigh, Y/N took a few steps forward with a roll of her eyes. How was she supposed to take this seriously when she was stuck in the fifth cohort?

It wasn't until Renya had glared at her did Y/N start to pay attention to what was going on.

Percy shifted. "Letters? Um, no."

Octavian smirked and wrinkled his nose. She noticed him glancing at her again and she scoffed, loudly. Octavian did a double take and it seemed that this had gotten the rest of the camper's attentions too because everyone was staring at her.

"Do you have anything to say for the fifth cohort, Y/N?" Octavian asked, his smile widening when everyone started to laugh.

Y/N glanced at Renya. She sighed and then looked at Percy, then sighed again, "I don't mean to interupt, Senior Centurion," Y/N mocked, Octavian's own eyes narrowing. If there was one thing in the world that Octavian wanted, it was to be Praetor. He wasn't yet and Y/N prayed to every God and Goddess there ever was that he would never become one. "But Juno did purposely lead Percy here, and if the Queen of Gods decides to take the time out of her day to bring Percy to us... Then, I mean, what better recommendation could you really want?"

Octavian fumed when murmured agreements were heard throughout the cohorts. Y/N looked at Percy, who was looking back at her with a type of sincerity that made felt her stomach flutter. Her hand subconsciously made it's way to brush back some of her hair that was still wet from the baths, and she noticed her cheek felt warm from under her fingertips. She was just thankful that she couldn't blush. (or, if you can then, She was just hoping that everyone took her embarrassment from all the attention she had received in such a short amount of time.)

"No letters," Octavian said regretfully and Y/N's mouth dropped open, appalled, "Will any legionnaires stand for him?"

"I will!" She heard Frank from behind her, "He saved my life!"

Almost immediately, there were shouts of protest from every cohort. Renya raised her hand for silence and glared daggers at Frank, "Frank Zhang, for the second time today, I remind you that you are on probatio. Your godly parent has not claimed you yet. You're not elgible to stand for another camper until you've earned your first stripe."

But before anyone could open their mouth to stand for Percy, Hazel took over, "What Frank means is that Percy saved both our lives. I am a member of the legion. I will stand for Percy Jackson."

However, other campers started to whisper between themselves again. Hazel was barely eligible. She had only gotten her first stripe a week or two ago, and her 'act of valor' had been more of an accident than anything.

It seemed Renya realized that too because she looked at Y/N for help, and once again Y/N sighed. "I will stand for Perseus Jackson." Y/N said, quietening everyone down to silence. Twice that day Y/N had stood up for Percy, it was enough to make rumors circle around. "I am not only a full member of the legion, but also a centurion. Perseus Jackson will be in good hands, if you do not accept Hazel's then accept mine."

Over the chaos that had ensued after he speech, she thought she heard Percy say, "It's Percy, not Perseus." But Y/N couldn't bring herself to care, especially when they had decided Y/N would be most eligible to stand for him.

Her chest burned as she stared at the idiot in front of her. Dakota and Renya glanced at each other uneasily out of the corner of her eye but she paid them no attention, Mike Kahale was the only thing on her mind. He was rolling his eyes as if no one's lives mattered except for the legions.

"Come on, L/N," he said after no one dared to say anything, "Why don't you calm down? Have some of Dakota's pathetic kool-aid."

"Hey," Dakota remarked looking appalled, "Leave the kool-aid out of this!"

"It's bologna! Octavian obviously killed her!"

"I could do for a bologna cheese sandwich right now," Someone that sounded suspiciously like Percy said behind her.

"Ya," Dakota remarked, "Y/N, your curse words always make me hungry."

Mike took another step towards her as if to try and intimidate Y/N. Her hand trembled beside her as she fought against the urge to punch him in the face. , "Don't make assumptions, L/N. You have no clue what you are talking about."

"Well, it's remarkable that the plium belongs to the first cohort, and Octavian had managed to lose his right before this happened," Y/N hissed as she turned to look at the man himself, "Did you drop it on the floor, or no let me guess. Did one of your stuffed bears hit Gwen with the plium?"

Octavian only stared at her silently, which only fueled her anger. How could he just stand there after he killed another camper? Shaking her head, she turned to Renya who looked to be on the verge of tears.

The sick feeling in her stomach worsened, and she felt as if she was about to throw up and scream at the same time.

She felt Mike brush against her as she walked over to Renya and whispered, "We all know you are upset just because I took your place in the senate and your place as centurion in the first cohort. How does it feel to step down to the fifth cohort, Y/N? I'm sure you are happy. Afterall, you are with your pathetic greek boyfriend."

Y/N froze, how does Mike of all people know about Percy's potential past? Did he overhear Renya? Oh gods, does Octavian know? She is going to die because of her stupid decision to stand for the fish prince.

"Well, are you?"

Just as Y/N was about to tackle Mike to the ground she felt a grip on her hand. It was Percy, who looked just as shocked to be holding her hand as she did. He quickly removed it and rubbed his neck, "Uhh, Gwen, I think that's her name, ya, Gwen is alive."

A flood of relief washed over her. But it didn't make sense, and soon the grief was back just as quick. Percy had to be wrong. She was dead, they had all seen her die. The medic had announced her dead. But all Y/N could manage was a, "What?"

He nodded and Y/N looked over to see Gwen looking as if she had never been dead in the first place. Her mind raced, and suddenly Y/N felt dizzy, as if she had been the one dying. She will be, if what she thinks is true.

"Who are you," Y/N hissed and grabbed his arm bringing him closer, "Who are you really?"

Percy looked completely alarmed by her sudden closeness and he shook his head wildly, "I'd tell you if I knew, honest."

She searched his eyes as if she would find the answers in there, but found none. They looked remarkably like the ocean, probably something to do with being the son of Neptune, or Poseidon, or... either one. Ugh, she was just so confused.

"Alright," Y/N said and took her grip off his arm, then reached for his hand instead to pull him away from the crowd,"I believe you, but I'm not sure everyone else will."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Y/N paused for a second to get her bearings as to where the crowd ended and started, "It means that strange things are happening, Percy. And you seem to be in the middle of it. People are going to want to blame you. You show up with a goddess on your back who talks about a prophecy, defeated gorgons single handedly, and you have no memory what so ever, but still managed to live to sixteen years old without coming to camp. Plus, you are a son of Neptune which is never a good thing."

"Wait, wait," Percy said and stopped her from moving any further. But that meant they had to get very close to talk so no one else would hear. She couldn't really move to face him because of the amount of campers around, so it left Percy muttering in her ear. His breath felt so warm against her neck yet still managed to give her shivers, her hand throbbed from his contact, and she noticed he smelled distinctly of the ocean. It all somehow made her feel very calm and dizzy at the same time.

Her heart pounded in her chest, and it such a strange and unfamiliar feeling yet Y/N managed to feel comfortable the whole time. What was he doing to her? Was it a part of his powers he had inherited from Poseidon?

Y/N didn't think so, she had only felt like this when she was near Venus' children. Only this time it seemed to draw her in more and more until she would lose her train of thought.

When Percy turned to her, she realized he had been speaking the entire time. She turned to face him (the kid that had been blocking her finally moved) but was met by a disgruntled Percy. He was looking far in the distance as if sensing something. Y/N wondered what he was doing, but she didn't have time to think about it.

A thunderous voice rolled across the field: Death loses its hold. This is only the beginning.

Campers drew weapons. Hannibal trumpeted nervously. Renya's pegasus reared, almost throwing her off. Percy's hand squeezed hers tighter, almost like an attempt to ground her, but Y/N barely registered it. The voice angered her more than she could comprehend.

"I know that voice," Percy said. He didn't sound pleased. Y/N couldn't agree more, a visit from her Father was never a enjoyable experience.

An explosion boomed throughout the camp, close enough for Y/N to feel it but far enough to not catch fire. Everyone scrambled backwards as a huge soldier stepped out from the flames.

There stood Mars, weapons and all. Y/N only glared, but he didn't seem to notice her, he never had.

As everyone stepped back, Y/N stepped forward and it was only until she felt Percy's hand yank her back that she realized what she had been doing. Maybe drawing her in was part of being a daughter of Ares. Whatever it was didn't matter because a second later Frank knelt in front of him. Y/N followed suit as many other people had started too.

"That's good," Mars said. "Kneeling is good. it's been a long time since I've visited Camp Jupiter."

Y/N noticed that her hand had slipped from Percy's. It didn't matter too much as they barely knew each other and Y/N felt more embarrassment than anything for holding his hand for that long. What bothered her the most was that Percy remained standing. He was the only one not kneeling. His sword was still in his other hand, and he glared at Mars. Y/N yanked on his shirt as if to try to remind him to kneel next to her.

"You're Ares," Percy said. "What do you want?"

Oh Gods, Y/N thought, of all the times to pick to be Greek he had to choose now? Why, oh why, did Renya choose her to take care of Percy? She was going to get blasted to bits and at the hands of her Father, it really couldn't get any worse.

Y/N wanted to do something, maybe yank Percy down or say something to excuse him, but she didn't know what.

However, instead the god grinned.

"You've got spunk, demigod," he said. "Ares is my Greek form. But to these followers, to the children of Rome, I am Mars-patron of the empire, divine Father of Romulus and Remus."

Y/N wanted to yell out, "You're my Father too! It would do you some good to remember that!" But she didn't.

"We've met," Percy said. "We... we had a fight..."

Y/N wanted to cry. She choose to risk her life to this idiot, who lacked the brains to not only pick a fight with her Father, but tempt fate to do it again?

Instead of picking a fight, Mars, Ares, whatever, scratched his chin, as if trying to recall. "I fight a lot of people. But I assure you-you've never fought me as Mars. If you had, you'd be dead. Now, kneel, as befits a child of Rome, before you test my patience."

Y/N felt herself start to nod and agree with her Father before she remembered that she was in charge of Percy.

"Percy," she whispered, hastily taking hold of his shirt, "please."

Percy glanced at her, then looked back at Ares. He clearly didn't like it, but he knelt next to her.

"Romans, lend me your ears!" He bellowed with a laugh, "I've always wanted to say that. I come from Olympus with a message. Jupiter doesn't like us communicating directly with mortals, especially nowadays, but he has allowed this exception, as you Romans have always been my special people. I'm only permitted to speak for a few minutes so listen up."

He pointed at Gwen. "That one should be dead, yet she's not. The monsters you fight no longer return to Tartarus when they are slain. Thanatos has been chained. The Doors of Death have been forced open and no one is policing them. Gaea allows our enemies to pour forth into the world of morals. Her sons the giants are mustering armies against you-armies that you will not be able to kill. You must find Thanatos and free him from the giants. Only he can reverse the tide."

An unconscious smile made it's way onto her face. A quest? This would be the perfect time for her to show her true potential to the senate and maybe finally, finally join them and achieve her dream.

Mars looked around as if in a trance, and realized everyone was still kneeling. "Oh you can get up now. Any questions?"

Renya got up slowly, "Lord Mars, we are honored."

"Beyond honored," said Octavian. "So far beyond honored-"

"Well?" Mars snapped.

"Well," Renya said, "People will stop dying, therefore Gwen returned?"

"If left unchecked," Mars said with a nod, "even mortals will eventually find it impossible to die. Can you imagine a world in which no one died-ever?"

Octavian raised his hand. "But, ah, mighty all-powerful Lord Mars, if we can't die, isn't that a good thing? If we can stay alive indefinitely-"

Y/N snickered quietly, a world without Octavian was a good one. But then she realized what she had thought, and mentally smacked herself a few times. She would never with death upon anyone, not even Octavian and his creepy staring.

"Don't be foolish, boy!" Mars bellowed. "Endless slaughter with no conclusion? Carnage without any point? Enemies that rise again and again and can never be killed? Is that what you want?"

"You're the god of war," Percy spoke up. "Don't you want endless carnage?"

Y/N's eyes widened and she almost wanted to smack Percy on the back of the head. Again, Y/N waited for the god to strike both of them down, but Mars just grinned like they were two old buddies talking trash.

"Insolent, aren't you? Perhaps I have fought you before. I can understand why I'd want to kill you." Ya, Y/N could understand too. Absolute idiot. "I'm the god of Rome, child. I am the god of military might used for a righteous cause. I protect the legions. I am happy to crush my enemies underfoot, but I don't fight without a reason. I don't want war without end. You will discover this. You will serve me."

"Not likely," Percy said.

Y/N finally found he voice again and scoffed, "Did you not just hear anything he said before the last comment?" Percy turned towards her blankly, "Boys!"

The god laughed, "But you know that it's not just boys, don't you, my daughter?" Y/N's breath hitched. She felt like all the blood in her body had seeped down to her feet. Her Father was talking to her. "I order a quest! You will go north and find Thanatos in the land beyond the gods. You will free him and thwart the plans of the giants. Beware Gaea! Beware her son, the eldest giant! Perhaps if the quest succeeds, and you return by the Feast of Fortuna.. perhaps then your honor will be restored. If you don't succeed, there won't be any camp left to return too. So my advice is: Don't fail."

Percy moved to face her and she felt her hand go along with him before realizing she still had her grip on his shirt. She quickly let go, but Percy didn't seem to notice. He only muttered, "I still don't get what's so great about this feast for tuna."

Y/N burst out laughing and quickly placed her hands over her mouth to stop her giggles. It had been so loud that even Mars turned towards her with a well placed brow but then turned towards Octavian again. "It's feast fortuna, Percy."

"Ya, that's what I said."

"No," Y/N said shaking her head and still laughing, "It's latin for... something. I forget. But the feast is not for tuna, specifically."

"Oh," Percy nodded with a hint of a smile, "That would be cool, though."

"Ya, it would be," Y/N said agreeing, even though she really didn't think having a feast for the worst kind of fish would not be very nice. Actually, catfish would be worse.

Before she could voice her idea about catfish, campers started screaming and she realized that Ares was holding a grenade. Percy pulled Y/N behind him as if she hadn't been trained for this and he was grenade proof.

She stepped around him with a roll of her eyes, Percy smiled sheepishly. Y/N just glared at him.

"There!" Mars finished writing and threw a scroll at Octavian. When did he get a scroll? "A prophecy. You can add it to your books, engrave it on your floor, whatever."

Octavian read the scroll. It seemed he was confused because he looked up at the scroll then to Mars and back again. Y/N wasn't suprised, Mars should have given him a stuffed bear, Octavian seems to understand that more. "This says, 'Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die."

"Yes," Mars said. "Is that not clear?"

"Well, my lord... usually prophecies are unclear. They're wrapped in riddles. They rhyme, and..."

Mars casually popped another grenade off his belt, "Yes?"

"The prophecy is clear!" Octavian announced quickly, "A quest!"

"Good answer. Thought I was gonna have to blast you, which would have been fun, but you like my daughter, so I have to give you that or Venus will- Nevermind." He tapped his chin. "Now, what else? There was something else... Oh, yes."

Octavian turned bright red. He grabbed the scroll, and then turned around only to look at Y/N again. He sure was looking at her a lot, it was creepy.

She had been so confused about Octavian's actions that she had barely noticed Frank finally get claimed by Ares. She smiled, Frank was her brother! He was a good kid, and an even better friend to Hazel. Y/N liked him.

"My kid Frank Zhang is gonna lead the quest to free Thanatos, unless there are any objections?"

Of course, no one said a word, but she saw Hazel look even more worried. "You can take two companions. Those are the rules. One of them needs to be this kid." He pointed at Percy, "He's gonna learn some respect for Mars on this trip, or die trying. As for the second, wait, isn't there one of this dumb rules where the legionnaires who stand for him have to make sure he doesn't die, or something? I don't really remember. Whatever. Who stands for Percy?"

No, Y/N thought. Her legs turned wobbly. A sense of dread settled over her, worse than the day she had arrived at Camp for the very first time.

She knew what was coming, but she couldn't stop it. She stepped forward against her will.

Mars grinned, "Ahh, yes, my daughter. Nice job taking Kronos' throne, kid. I haven't seen that kind of bravery in a while. I remember mocking Jupiter about his son's job paling in comparison to mine. That was my kid, I said to him. Then, he got Senate instead of you. Who's Prateor?"

Renya raised her hand.

"You were there, weren't you? Unless, you were blind, that was an MVP play. You're not blind, are you?"

Renya looked like she was trying to swallow a mouse. "No, Lord Mars."

"Then make sure she gets her place on the Senate. If anyone has earned it, it's her. Not some cheap lousy job in the Fifth Cohort. We can't have Jupiter's stupid son stopping her potential because he's jealous, can we? Especially now that he's gone." he yelled at the legion, in case anyone hadn't heard which was impossible, she was pretty sure the entire world had heard. Y/N wanted to melt into the dirt and just die. He entire body trembled. She wasn't sure whether to be happy that he noticed her or die form embarrassment and mortification, that he was happy Jason was gone, all because of her.

Mars seemed to realize his mistake too late because his image flickered. Lightning cracked across the sky. "Ugh, well, he's pissed. Whatever. Y/N can be the third, or the fourth. I don't care. You can add another companion because Y/N has to be there for the sea slug. Pick whomever you want. Have one of your senate debates. You all are good at those. Until next time, Romans! Do not disappoint me!"

The second he was gone, Y/N felt a overwhelming amount of eyes on her.

"Holy cucumber sandwich."

#percy jackson x reader #percy jackson #amarauder writings #camp jupiter #perseus jackson x reader #percy x reader #perseus x reader

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thisdayinfavrd · 5 years

Text

May 30, 2009

6 yr old said he KNEW Brendan Fraser would lead them out of the cave because "movies always have happy endings." Tonight, we watch "Seven." @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 92

If Minnie Driver married Winnie Cooper, I'd have a 2-star draft in my Birdhouse. @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 75

Yes, officer. I'm aware I was reading my iPhone while driving. That's what the *warning lights* were for. Are you just out of the academy? @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 74

When life gives you sugary ice water, you still need lemons. Life sucks. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 73

The yard noise next door is making it very difficult to focus on the planning of my neighbor's mysterious disappearance. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 64

Missing tweet #1966166114 @luckyshirt (Unavailable) – 63

The greatest invention of the Modern Age is the armchair outside the fitting room. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 61

My nine-year-old has somehow discovered Top 40 radio. At least, I still have the newborn because the old one is dead to me. @awryone (Josh Donoghue) – 48

"Search your feelings, Lord Vader. You know it to be true, girl." @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 47

My duck just smoked a whole thing of weed, you guys. Or whatever. I have a duck is the point. Come over. @sloganeerist (jtdobbs dur) – 46

Huh. If you eat enough hard boiled eggs for lunch, you end up with a whole train car to yourself on the way home. @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 45

In the '80s, it was not uncommon for the bad guy to live right across the lake from you. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 44

I don't know who made these shorts, but they obviously had a deep and abiding hatred of the ballsack. @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 43

The cat woke me up right in the middle of my product pitch for "ACTUAL CEO DNA" shampoo, and I will never forgive him for it. @scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) – 42

I love the irony that nobody remembers the name of the guy who actually wrote "Don't You Forget About Me". @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 42

I love you all, but the only extra seat in my Zombie Survival Dune Buggy (now with cupholders!) is taken. Happy Birthday to my lovely wife! @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 41

My can opener brings all the cats to the yard. @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 39

Wait, Chuck E. Cheese is a mouse? I'm sorry, but that's revolting. @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 39

My pregnant girlfriend asked me if I wanted to see something no one would believe. I say yes and then she punches herself right in the eye. @DieLaughing (J. Adam Moore) – 37

The cashier was unimpressed even though I totally nailed the last note of Spandau Ballet's "True". Like she doesn't know how hard that is. @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 37

#favrd is down

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great-jenna-bake-off · 7 years

Text

Season 2 Episode 5: Pork Pies

So it’s been a few weeks since my last bake. Was that because I was intimidated by Paul’s pork pie recipe, which calls for quail eggs and lard and looks very complicated? Yes, yes it was. After procrastinating on this bake, I finally decided to suck it up and get to pie-making. But I did wimp out and used the recipe on Paul’s personal website instead of the official GBBO recipe, as Paul’s leaves the quail eggs out. Sorry not sorry.

GBBO recipe: https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/small_pork_pies_with_11074

Paul’s recipe: http://paulhollywood.com/recipes/pork-pies/

The good news is that my local grocery store does in fact sell lard. Who knew? The bad news is that every single box on the shelf was sticky. Ewww. I had a feeling lard was not going to be my ingredient of choice.

So with my ingredients collected, it was time to embark on my pork pie journey. Step one was to assemble the filling, which had lots of porky goodness. In addition to the loin, this filling also included bacon. Mmm.

Delicious filling!

Step two was to get working on the crust. This pork pie recipe uses a hot water crust pastry, which is an unusual choice. First, I started with the traditional pastry base of flour and butter, rubbed together to form a crumb-like texture. Next, it was time for my new friend lard. When I opened the box, I was not pleased to discover that lard smells... gross. And looks gross. Like a big lump of glue. Ew. Once I got my lard measured out, I immediately threw away the rest of the box. I was REALLY done with lard. However, once I melted it into some water, it started to smell more like delicious pork broth.

Still not a fan.

I then poured my hot melted lard into the flour/ butter mixture - hence, hot water pastry. I used my hands to mix it together, and thus, a dough was born:

Starting to look normal.

I worked my dough into a ball and then left it to cool slightly, as per the recipe:

Looks like crust to me.

Next it was time to roll out my dough, and as per usual, here’s where I ran into trouble. I need to watch some YouTube videos on using a rolling pin or something, because this is what happened when I tried to roll it:

Something has not gone right here.

I was pretty sure that Mary and Paul would not be happy with holes in the middle of my pastry, so I tried to roll it out again. And again. It was not an easy dough to work with - as it cooled down, it kept wanting to shrink back into a thick slab. Finally I managed to get it somewhat rolled out, but I only had enough to make seven pies, instead of the 12 specified by the recipe. Hmm. Still, I had no choice but to start assembling.

The pie process.

When my seven little pies were complete, I still had a lot of filling left over. Like, I had barely made a dent. See for yourself:

Scroll back up to my original photo of the filling. Do you see a difference? I didn’t, and the only way I could tell which was which was the time stamp on the photos. Clearly I could make a LOT more pies with this filling, but I was out of crust. Mayyyyyybe I shouldn’t have thrown out that lard.

I finished my pies off with pastry crust lids, and made little holes in them to release steam and later add chicken broth jelly. (Yeah, that was a whole thing. We’ll get there...)

We’ll see how this goes.

Finally it was time for a little egg wash, and then baking! Time to see if the GBBO bakers fared better than I did with that dough.

Most of the bakers are unfamiliar with the hot water crust technique, which made me feel better. Still, they manage to get their pastries nice and thin:

This looks a lot better than mine.

I also noticed that the bakers minced the pork a lot more finely than I did. Yasmin, in particular, manages to get her pork super tiny. Maybe this would have helped me fit more filling in my pies?

Teensy teensy pork.

Of course, the bakers have the added challenge of the quail eggs:

Do they sell these at Whole Foods?

Jason admits that he’s never boiled any egg before, let alone a quail one. Sue is, predictably, horrified.

He can make a macaron, but he can’t boil an egg.

As per usual, precisionist Holly’s bake looks goddamn perfect going into the oven:

This woman knows how to roll dough.

When the pies come out of the oven, the bakers pour in the jelly mixture, and then let them sit overnight. They will not know their fates until the morning. DUN DUN DUN.

Chicken jelly is WEIRD.

In the end, Janet wins with a perfectly thin crust and delicious filling:

And let’s not forget, a well-boiled quail egg.

So how would my pies fare? Well first, I would have to make my chicken jelly. I ran into an unexpected issue with my gelatin - the recipe called for me to soften a sheet of gelatin in cold water and then wring it out before adding to boiling water and a bouillon cube. Unfortunately, gelatin in America is sold in a powdered form. I kind of just added enough water to cover the powder, stirred and let it sit until it looked jelly-like, and then added it to the water and stock.

I still think this is weird.

With my pies out of the oven, it was time to pour my jelly concoction into the little holes on top. But because the edges of the lids weren’t very well sealed and I was holding the pies to get a good angle into the holes, I burned the crap out of my hands as boiling liquid ran out of the pies. Oh well; hopefully some of it managed to stick in there?

Baked pies!

Alas, I would not know my fate until the next day, when my jelly had set and my pies were finally ready for consumption. Or as it turned out, until 48 hours later, as SOMEONE (Matt) had to work the day after I made the pies and SOMEONE ELSE (me) was napping during his one break between tutoring sessions. Oops.

Before my big reveal, here’s Paul demonstrating the fineness of his own pastry:

And here are my pies:

They’re a little on the rustic side, but I have to say, they do look tasty. Inviting, as Mary would call them. Would Matt agree, or would he judge my sloppy pastry work?

Well, before reading Matt’s review you should know that I did end up making a second batch of these to use up my leftover filling. And also that I surreptitiously fed Matt this second batch from a tupperware I’d stashed in my purse as we were waiting in a movie theater lobby for our friends to arrive. So with that context in mind, here’s Matt’s review:

***

Matt’s review: My plan is to become deeply religious later in life, but until then it’s Pork City for me. And this week, Jenna’s the mayor. These pork pies were fluffy and delicious. Whether delivered to me in the comfort of my own home, or clandestinely slipped to me in the lobby of a movie theater, these pies brought joy to a life devoid of meaning (until, of course, I find my God).

The flavors were all there, the filling was juicy (and there weren’t any turnips). Perhaps there were some uniformity problems that Paul H. would have some issues with. Something to think about. And the first batch had a bit of a dough-to-filling ratio problem.

Maybe it was the secretive thrill of eating a pie in a movie theater, but the second-batch pie seemed to improve on that ratio. With this sort of trajectory, I can only assume the third batch would have been perfection. I hope I get to eat some more before my ultimate conversion.

Soggy bottom? Not here!

***

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed batch #1 of these pork pies - the crust was flaky, the filling was tasty, and they made for a lovely weeknight dinner. But batch #2 was BOMB. So what did I do differently? Well, I worked the dough with my hands a little more after pouring the lard/ water mixture in, in the hopes that it would hold together a little better when I was rolling it out. Also I didn’t waste any time letting the dough cool before rolling; you have to work with this dough when it’s hot or it just falls apart. Thus, I was able to produce 10 crusts with my second batch of dough, as opposed to the 7 from the first batch, and the crust was thinner and more delicate. Mmm.

It should be noted, however, that I STILL had some of my original filling left over when I was done with batch #2! The ratio of filling to dough in this recipe is WAY off. But I’m not mad at it, because I can just keep making dough forever and using up my leftover filling. I’ll eat nothing but these pork pies for the rest of my life and be totally fine with it. Mmm.

The inside of batch #1

Batch #2: Pork-y perfection

#great british bake off #GBBO #paul hollywood #baking #pork pie

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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City of Stars (Chapter 9) - Leatwerpenn

A/N - Hi everyone, I am SO SORRY about the delay in getting this out. Preparing for my trip to Japan has consumed most of the past week. I leave in a few days and I will no way get all of this edited and posted before I go. The fic is 16 Chapters plus an epilogue. I will however, try to get 2 more chapters posted before I leave. This is a slight filler chapter but has some fluff! Enjoy!

Chapter 9 (2011) 5 Years Before. LA. Summer. Matt sat on his piano stall in the spare room, staring off into space. He could hear Jason on the phone in the next room, talking to someone about himself. “He is just working at Charlie’s right now… I don’t know… He is saving for his own club remember? Yeah. Don’t worry. He is working as much as he can. Yeah, it’s a little slow but. Okay? I can’t talk about that right now. Come pick me up later, we can grab dinner or a Starbucks before I see Matt? Okay. See you then.” Matt couldn’t make out the entire conversation, but he assumed it was about himself. In an ideal world, Matt wouldn’t even have Jason working. He would ideally like him to quit his job at the coffee shop, purely so he can focus on perfecting his ‘one woman show’. Or, continue to try and get more acting jobs. But they didn’t live in an ideal world. He had no need to worry about money for so long, that he had kind of forgotten what it was like to pay for things. Matt was sure that Jason was covering more of the rent than he was. Where was he getting the extra cash from? Worry clouded him. I never want him doing that again. He took his phone from where it sat on the top of his piano and scrolled through his contacts. His finger stopped when he saw ‘Raja’ staring back at him. He had seen Raja at Charlie’s a while back regarding a spot he had open, and mentioned that it paid well. How well was well? Is it enough to support Jason and Violet? It wasn’t just Jason and Violet that motivated him. For the first time since learning to play piano, he wanted a better life for himself. He didn’t want to play in someone else’s place anymore. Matt wanted something to call his own. He typed a message to Raja. How do I word this? Hey Raja, its Matt – That key’s spot still open? That didn’t sound too desperate? Right? Matt sat back and awaited a response. It was quicker than he expected. Sure. Come to Record Plant. West Hollywood. You should find it on maps. Say 12ish? Matt smiled. He typed a quick response back and rushed into the shower room. “Matt, get out of my getting ready bubble.” Jason stood, butt naked, in front of the mirror while he shaved. Matt was digging the slight stubble that he had grown on his chin and above his lip. But Jason hated it. “Don’t be insecure, you look gorgeous. And I have a meeting so I need to shower.” Matt stripped and went to get in the shower when he noticed Jason’s problem. “Eye’s up dumbass. And if you have a meeting then we don’t have time.” Jason returned Matt just smirked and pulled him into the shower. _______________________________________ Matt sat outside the recording studio, with his ignition still on, blaring his Jazz music. Why am I so nervous? Matt had met Raja when he first moved to LA. He had worked with Courtney on a TV show that they both guest starred in. Raja and Courtney bonded because of Matt’s love for Jazz. He didn’t like Raja as he used to constantly flirt with her and it pissed him off. What used to also piss him off, was that Raja was very openly bisexual and Matt envied his courage. Well, I don’t really have that to be mad about anymore. He turned the ignition off. Breathe in. Breathe out. Got out of the car, and walked into the studio. _______________________________________ Jason’s work day was going really slowly; now, instead of checking his phone constantly for call backs, he found himself taking out his ‘one woman show’ script and planning book to pass the time. He was constantly making notes and changes. So far, he had planned the entire act and costume changes, and was now on to working out final details. He knew he was close to the point of visiting theatres that would host him. The thought excited him and Violet. Jason stood outside the Warner Brothers lot waiting for Kurtis to pick him up. He had been waiting for 10 minutes already and he was feeling anxious. Ever since the Boomer encounter, he hated working at the lot, and wanted nothing more than to quit. I just wish I could afford to quit. He and Kurtis still spoke most days. He had a feeling that there may be trouble in his and Patricks’ paradise, but he didn’t feel like it was his place to bring it up. He assumed it was similar to himself and Matt – learning to adjust to living with another person can be hard. Kurtis pulled up and he hopped into the car. “About time bitch, what were you doing? Hatching eggs?” Jason laughed at his own joke. Kurtis had some weird fascination about chickens, so he always tried to add some kind of bad joke into their conversations. “Sorry. Patrick was… never mind. Where to? Starbucks?” Kurtis enquired. He looked ecstatic to see Jason. Okay, what is his deal? “Sure, I haven’t heard from Matt, so I don’t know if we’re eating together, so coffee may be better.” He smiled at Kurtis while he checked his phone. No Messages. He knew Matt had gone to a meeting about playing keys on some tracks for a band. He knew the main singers name was Raja, and that he and Matt have history. He didn’t get to ask much more than that before Matt left, they had other things on their minds this morning. Jason and Kurtis chatted animatedly while they placed their orders, and waited for their coffee to be made. Cups in hand, they found a booth and sat opposite one another. “Okay, I’m dying to tell you this! I need someone to talk to and you have to help me!” Kurtis had the oddest look on his face. Was that happiness? Confusion? I can barely tell, he has had so much Botox! “Oooookaayyy?” Jason enquired, as a look of bewilderment started to manifest on his face. He adored Kurtis as a friend, but he was so hard to read sometimes. He has either broken up with Patrick… Or… “He Proposed!” Kurtis jumped out of his seat and flashed a ring, which Jason hadn’t noticed before, right under his nose. He grabbed his hand and began inspecting it.

“Wow! Congratulations! But, you guys haven’t been together for that long… Less than a year? Can you not like? Date longer?” Jason felt like an asshole as he watched Kurtis’ expression change. Okay, even I noticed the sadness on his face under the work he has had done. “Really Jason? You can’t be happy for me? Not even for a second?”He sounded upset. Shit. “I’m sorry. Just… Congratulations.” He smiled at Kurtis, but his smile didn’t reach all of the way to his eyes. Jason felt happy for him; he knew Patrick was a lovely guy who made Kurtis happy. But, he also felt sad. Will I get that with Matt one day? “Well, thanks I guess… I have been dying to tell you since he proposed! It was so romantic. He…” Jason stopped listening to Kurtis. He was just focussing on the fact that his father had got his mother pregnant, left her, and she had to raise him alone. She passed away when he was a teenager. He lived with his Auntie. She then left for Paris. What if now he had Matt, he would just leave too? This thought, nagging in his brain, haunted him in that moment. Only now, it felt. Different. He was in love with Matt, couldn’t deny that. No other man had made him feel the way that Matt did. Nobody had made him feel more safe, inspired and beautiful as Matt did. He worried about him constantly. I know he feels the same. Stop being silly. Jason glanced down at his phone discreetly. No Messages. “Dude, listen to me! Just because you have a broke ass boyfriend, who can’t take care of you, it doesn’t mean you can’t be fully here when you are worrying about him getting a job! Pay attention to me! I have been trying to tell you this, face to face, for days!” Kurtis’ outburst shocked Jason. What? Jason stared at Kurtis after his confession. Are you for real? “What are you even talking about? Matt is the reason why I have been feeling so amazing lately. Matt motivates me to be a better man, and a better woman! He makes me feel comfortable about who I am. Yes Kurtis, I am happy for you. Of course I am. But since I got in the car have you asked about how I’m feeling? Even for one second? What gives you the right to pass judgement on Matt? Up until a year ago, you were working in Sephora! So don’t get on your high horse! And you haven’t even asked me about my one woman show! Everything is always about you! God, you are so shallow!” Jason felt the anger boiling, as he stood up from his seat. “And for the record, it has nothing to do with money, so stop hassling me about it! We are happy! Money isn’t everything.” He grabbed his jacket and left the coffee shop. Just as Jason left he could feel the shiver shoot up his spine. Matt was leaning against the car, Jazz blaring. With a smile on his face. “Guess what.” Matt smirked, and all Jason could see was his star. (2008) 3 Years Before. Atlanta. Summer. “Guess what?” Aunt Addie stood in front of Jason with a huge smile on her face. She was gripping something to her chest so tight he thought she might explode. “What’s up?” Jason enquired, glancing up from sitting on his bed. “I got a permanent position in a Moulin Rouge show! In Paris!” Addie was now jumping up and down on the spot. Jason felt his heart break. “You’re leaving?” Jason immediately felt himself break, a tear slipping down his cheek. He wiped it away angrily and then proceeded to stand and engulf his Aunt in the biggest hug. “I’m so sorry! I’m so happy for you! It’s just so overwhelming!” He smiled through the pain he was feeling. Addie pulled Jason away and held him at arm’s length. “Honey, you are nineteen. You are an amazing young man who will conquer the world, once you allow yourself to!” She stroked Jason’s cheek to wipe away his sadness. “I know I’m just, scared.” He looked down, unsure of himself. “That’s normal, but you must go and get your dreams, they won’t come on their own. I loved your mum, my sister, very much. But she stayed in Atlanta and Atlanta was no good for her. Go to New York! Or LA! Somewhere that will embrace and love you, just like your mother and I do.” Addie smiled warmly at Jason. He smiled back. “Okay. I promise I’ll chase my dreams. And I’m so happy for you.” Jason felt, for the first time in a while, that he wanted nothing more than to make his most beloved family members proud of him. A few weeks later, he sat on a plane; glancing out of the window, and all he could see, were stars. (2011) LA. Summer. “I’m so happy for you!” Jason pulled Matt into a tight hug. He heard Jason say the words, but he couldn’t help but not hear the happiness in his voice. “Are you sure? I don’t have to do it you know.” Matt pulled back to study Jason’s expression. What is he hiding? – Matt thought. “Of course I am happy for you, Dork! This is amazing! You’re going to be in a band!” Jason moved to get into the car as did Matt. Matt sat down and plugged his phone into the centre console, and scrolled through his sound files, to find the one he wanted to play for Jason. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool. I mean, the music is a little… different. But you know what? I need the money and I want to support you. And I don’t know… maybe this could be the foot in the door I need, you know?” He glanced at Jason as if he was asking for approval. I’m doing this for you Jay. “Of course! You don’t have to justify anything to me Babe.” Jason took Matt’s hand as the music started to play. “This sounds hell-a-bootleg!” Jason giggled. “Yeah, I recorded it on the sly, as I wasn’t sure how to explain the sound? Honestly, what do you think? Am I making the right decision?” Matt felt torn. He wanted to play to get his name out there. He wanted more than anything to be making substantial money as a musician, but the type of music he was playing wasn’t what he was passionate about. The sound resembled Jazz, but it had clear hip-hop influences with electronics’ blended in to it. It sounded strange to Matt. He wasn’t sure on the sound himself yet. “Yes! Of course! I just hope that you don’t forget about me when you’re famous.” Jason confessed the last part so quietly that Matt barely heard him. What? “Are you serious? You are the reason why I’m chasing my dreams and not just existing.” He confessed. So that was why he looked worried. “Now, let’s go home, and we can talk about your day.” Matt smiled and pecked Jason on the cheek before pulling out of the parking space and heading into the LA sunset. _______________________________________ “Bitch are you helping me or distracting me with that smell?” Violet sat in the living room, surrounded by a sea of rhinestones and garments. Glitter coated everything sprawled across the floor and Violet was completely naked apart from a tiny nude coloured thong. “I’m making dinner, calm down.” Oh god, what is he cooking? He is going to burn the place down! – Violet thought. “You’re making dinner? Oh god! Please don’t! We can just order in or something!” Violet begged. Matt always tried to cook lavish meals but it usually ended in a disaster. “I wanted to cook for you Pumpkin. I’m nearly done, and then you can use me in whatever way you want.” He hollered back from the kitchen. She smiled and shook her head as she continued to hot glue stones to her garment. Minutes later, Matt walked in with two plates and the biggest smile she had ever seen him wear. “Jesus you look happy. Did you do something dirty?” Violet quipped, throwing a smirk in Matt’s direction. “No, but this is the best fucking grilled cheese I think I had ever made! Wait ‘til you try it, you’re gonna die!” He placed the very ordinary looking grilled sandwich in front of Violet. She burst out laughing. “Die?!? That’s more than guaranteed with your cooking!” Violet was now rolling around on the floor laughing, discarded stones stuck to her body as she moved. Matt was laughing with her, it was these moments they cherished. “Taste it c’mon!” He begged her to try it, whilst taking a bite from his own. “Oh my god it’s so good. I should totally make these and sell them in my bar.” Matt confessed, devouring what was left of his sandwich. Violet took a tentative bite and swallowed. “You know what… this is actually pretty good.” Violet leaned over and pecked him on the cheek before she went back to eating. Life is perfect. _______________________________________ “Is this too much?” Violet strutted out of the bathroom wearing the most eccentric outfit that Matt had ever seen her wear. She didn’t even look like Violet at this point. Her make-up was completely different, with tones of deep purple and black making her eyes appear almost doll like. Her brows were painted as thin lines and her nose was contoured to appear longer. Her outfit however, was what was blowing Matts mind. She was rocking full-on boy chest with black star shaped pasties covering her nipples. Layered over that, were various straps that intertwined across her body. Her waist was cinched to an inconceivably small size, with a beautiful rhinestone corset layered over the top. The same detail followed down her legs; to shoes that matched, and to the tips of her fingers, with gloves made from the same strap detail that surrounded her body. A headpiece completed the look, making her look like a hybrid of a burlesque goddess and a rising pharaoh. Matt was speechless. “Holy fuck.” He breathed eventually. Violet twirled and revealed that the corset was beautifully detailed in the back with gems leading down to her lower back. She wore a thong and her ass looked amazing. He couldn’t take his eye off of her. “This is what I want to wear for the final number. But, the make-up takes so long… I’m conflicted.” She bent over to take her shoes off, and Matt stood directly behind her, pushing his erection into her ass. “Honestly Vi, you look amazing, just feel what you do to me.” Matt pulled Violet up and kissed her lovingly on her forehead, not wanting to spoil her make-up. “Experimenting with glitter on my face is frustrating me. My hooded eyes make it so annoying.” She huffed, biting her lip. “So, use me! I already said you could! What do you want to do?” Matt looked down slightly unsure. Violet beamed. “I just want to try this look, but with a different eye style. But I don’t want to wipe it all off and start over. Are you sure it’s okay? I’ll have to glue your brows down.” “Anything for you Pumpkin.” He sat down on the floor and Violet sat in front of him. She took out her glue stick and wipes, and got to work. Matt hated to admit it, but he was curious to see what he looked like. “Okay, you ready? Don’t frown! And it’s going to feel really weird as your brows are kind of crazy.” Matt studied her as she concentrated on painting him. He could see her golden eyes shining so brightly, and all he could see was his star. (2008) 3 Years Before. LA. Summer. “Matt, don’t frown at this beauty! This will make you feel weird, but trust me it’s for your own good.” Jake and Sang handed Matt the bong filled with god knows what drug. “Guys, I know my way around a fair few substances, chill out.” Matt held the bong in front of him while his two friends watched. Matt wasn’t unfamiliar to taking drugs, but the bong was shaped like a huge dick and it was making him frown. “Take a hit already, c’mon were supposed to be celebrating!” Jake urged. Matt took a hit and coughed, as the smoke overwhelmed him. He passed the bong along to Sang just as Willam came bursting through the door, dressed head to toe in drag. “Bitch I’m here! Let’s party!” Willam exclaimed. Jake, Matt and Willam raised their glasses as Sang raised the bong. They all clinked their respective toast material together and cheered “To Willam!” “Bitch, I can’t believe you are dropping an EP. That’s insane!” Matt admired Willam and her courage. Willam had so much confidence now, that it blew Matt’s mind. Only a couple of years ago, Willam was a shell of the person that Matt was looking at right now, as was he. This made him extremely proud. “Hell yeah! And this bitch is moving apartments tomorrow! I’m going to live in my nice fancy neighbourhood with my dog. Life’s going to be fantastic from here on out!” Willam took another swig of her drink and then sat next to Matt. “What’s up gorgeous?” Matt queried. He always felt himself get slightly more camp the more intoxicated he got. It was the main reason he enjoyed getting drunk or high with his friends so much. He always felt more like himself around his LA crowd. “You know Matt, you are amazing as well. You need to go and do what you want to do. I know you love Courtney, but, you are kind of pussy whipped. Just promise me you won’t let her hold you back? Kay?” Willam was never sincere, and the fact that he was being so, made Matt feel odd. Am I higher than I thought? “Of course moron.” He nudged his shoulder against Willam’s, and made a pact to himself to pay more attention to Willam in the future. They had been friends for a really long time. Matt had watched Willam come out at a very young age, along with Detox, while he just shut himself away scared. Matt and Willam only grew closer once Detox had passed away. They bonded in their grief. He admired Willam’s courage to not give a fuck about what anyone thought of her. Willam was the one who suggested that Matt and Courtney should consider relocating; even though they eventually moved because she got a big role. “I’m hungry.” Sang complained and Matt laughed to himself. His life felt truly perfect in that moment. Hanging out with his closest friends, drinking, smoking, and knowing he had an attractive girlfriend to go home too. He laid back on the chair he was sitting on and closed his eyes, and all he could see, were stars. (2011) LA. Summer. “I’m done! Oh my god who knew you would make such a hot girl. I think I might be a lesbian!” Violet got up and ran to their room to grab her mirror. She came back to find Matt in the exact same position on the floor, with his eyes closed. “Vi, the most important part of this was for you to realise how you want to do your make-up. What looks better?” Matt fluttered his false eyelashes as he spoke. The illusion was blowing Violet’s mind. Wow, now I know how he feels all the time. “I kind of like my current look more. I just don’t like the glitter lid I guess, I’m not feeling it. But on you it actually looks great! You have great eyes, I just wish mine were less hooded like yours are.” She handed Matt the mirror and he looked back at himself. “Holy fuck!” He exclaimed, before he bought the mirror closer and further away from himself repeatedly. “Fuck, I look cute! Even with my stubble!” Matt beamed at her. God he is so cute. “Maybe I could be the cross dressing burlesque performer, and you can be the cross dressing pianist?” Violet joked while she took a few snaps of the makeup on her and Matt’s face for future reference. “I don’t think so, but it does look good.” He pulled Violet down into his lap and kissed her. “You are all blurry, where are my glasses?” She giggled and reached over to the table to hand him his glasses, and he placed them on his face. “That’s better, now I can see your beauty. Although glasses and eyelashes do not mix well.” He said while pulling the false lashes from his face and putting them back into a container that was left out. “What time do you have to get up tomorrow?” Violet whispered. “Early. I don’t think you will be awake.” Matt snuggled into her neck from behind. Violet meowed in delight. “Wake me up anyway, I want to wish you good luck on your first proper day and contract signing.” Violet turned around in Matt’s lap. Blue and golden brown connected. “I promise, Pumpkin.” He said, kissing the tip of Violet’s nose. And all they could both see, was the star in one another.

#pearlet #pearl liaison #violet chachki #miss fame #fluff #leatwerpenn #city of stars #rpdr fanfiction #submission #willam belli #la la land au #m/m au #queen au

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hammondcast · 7 years

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On Air With Jazzbo Collins And Yoshi's Jon Hammond Band Feb. 9, 1994

#WATCHMOVIE HERE: On Air With Jazzbo Collins And Yoshi's Jon Hammond Band Feb. 9, 1994 Youtube https://youtu.be/Hjw0_uLg8-E On Air with Jazzbo Collins and Yoshi's Jon Hammond Band Feb. 9, 1994 - Preston pretty much kicked ass on this gig! -- Oakland CA -- original Yoshi's Oakland Gig Feb. 9th 1994, just after being on-the-air with Al "Jazzbo" Collins - watching the film now, sounds real good - Jon Hammond / Jon Hammond Band (quartet) - thanks Jason Olaine for the hit - James Preston drums (R.I.P.) Bennett Friedman tenor, Barry Finnerty gtr., Jon Hammond Organ Group http://www.jonhammondband.com all original music ©JON HAMMOND International Member ASCAP - AFM Local 6 - Associated Musicians of Greater New York, Local 802 AFM Yoshi's Oakland didn't have any decent lights in those days! Jon Hammond - *Note: Broadcasting Legend Al Jazzbeaux Collins opens this film at KCSM 91.1FM, greatly missed!! - Jon Hammond Organ Group - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_%22Jazzbo%22_Collins Albert Richard "Jazzbo" Collins (January 4, 1919 – September 30, 1997) was an American disc jockey, radio personality and recording artist who was briefly the host of NBC television's Tonight show in 1957. Usage Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Al "Jazzbo" Collins Al "Jazzbeaux" Collins Born Albert Richard Collins January 4, 1919 Rochester, New York Died September 30, 1997 (aged 78) Marin County, California Born in Rochester, New York in 1919,[1] Collins grew up on Long Island, New York. In 1941, while attending the University of Miami in Florida, he substituted as the announcer on his English teacher's campus radio program, and decided he wanted to be in radio. Collins began his professional career as the disc jockey at a bluegrass station in Logan, West Virginia; by 1943, he was at WKPA in Pittsburgh, moving in 1945 to WIND in Chicago and in 1946 to Salt Lake City's KNAK. In 1950, he relocated to New York where he joined the staff of WNEW and became one of the "communicators" on NBC's Monitor when it began in 1955. Collins made several appearances on The Tonight Show with Steve Allen in the early 50s (and even briefly took over the show after Allen's departure; see below). In 1953, Allen adapted several nursery rhymes (including Little Red Riding Hood) into jazz-flavoured recitations, with Collins on vocals and Lou Stein on piano. "Jazzbo"[edit] The name "Jazzbo" derived from a product Collins had seen, a clip-on bowtie named Jazzbows. Just as Martin Block created the illusion that he was speaking from the Make Believe Ballroom, Collins claimed to be broadcasting from his inner sanctum, a place known as the Purple Grotto, an imaginary setting suggested by radio station WNEW's interior design, as Collins explained: I started my broadcast in Studio One which was painted all kinds of tints and shades of purple on huge polycylindricals which were vertically placed around the walls of the room to deflect the sound. It just happened to be that way. And with the turntables and desk and console and the lights turned down low, it had a very cavelike appearance to my imagination. So I got on the air, and the first thing I said was, "Hi, it's Jazzbo in the Purple Grotto." You never know where your thoughts are coming from, but the way it came out was that I was in a grotto, in this atmosphere with stalagtites and a lake and no telephones. I was using Nat Cole underneath me with "Easy Listening Blues" playing piano in the background. The Tonight Show and later work[edit] In 1957, NBC-TV installed him for five weeks as the host of the Tonight show when it was known as Tonight! America After Dark in the period between hosts Steve Allen and Jack Paar.[2] Also in 1957, Collins starred in (as himself) an episode of NBC radio's science fiction radio series X Minus One. By 1959, he was with KSFO in San Francisco, hanging out with the beatnik hipsters in North Beach. On-air, Jazzbo would say that he was broadcasting "from the purpleness of the Grotto", often mentioning his assistant "Harrison, the long-tailed purple Tasmanian owl". On the TV side, Collins hosted "The Al Collins Show," that aired mornings on KGO-TV. The format included light talk and guest appearances by local celebrities such as Moe Howard of The Three Stooges. Later in the 1960s, he was the host of Jazz for the Asking (VOA), and he worked with several Los Angeles stations during the late in the decade: KMET (1966), KFI (1967) and KGBS (1968). He officially changed the spelling of his name to Jazzbeaux when he went to Pittsburgh's WTAE in 1969. He moved to WIXZ in Pittsburgh (1973) before heading back to the West Coast three years later. While in Pittsburgh, he briefly hosted a late night television show entitled "Jazzbeauxz (with a 'z') Rehearsal", an eclectic sampling of anything that caught Collins' interest at the time, including a long-running hard-boiled-egg spinning contest. He conducted the program from a barber chair, as he had on a previous TV show. "Stinking badges"[edit] A popular segment on his show was the "no stinkin' badges" routine, a play on the famous exchange in the 1948 film The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Al would politely request that the main guest for that day don a Mexican bandit costume, complete with ammo belts crossing the chest, six-guns in holsters, a huge sombrero and large fake mustache. The guest then had to pose in front of cameras and for the TV audience. With pistols pointing at the camera lens the guest had to say (with emphasis) "I don't got to show you no stinkin' badges." If the guest did not say it with sufficient sinister tone Collins made him or her repeat it until in Al's opinion the guest got it right. 1970s and beyond[edit] In 1976 Al Collins returned to San Francisco, working at KMPX, followed by a three-year all-night run at KGO which drew callers throughout the West Coast; he always opened his program with Count Basie's "Blues in Hoss Flat". He also worked a late night shift at KKIS AM (in Pittsburg, California, ironically) in 1980. After a stint in New York and WNEW (1981), Jazzbo was back in San Francisco at KSFO (1983) and KFRC (1986). Then came one more run at WNEW (1986–90), then KAPX (Marin County, California) in 1990, and finally a weekly jazz show at KCSM (College of San Mateo, California) from 1993 to his death. Al Collins died on September 30, 1997, at the age of 78, from pancreatic cancer. Producer Jon Hammond Language English Jon's archive https://archive.org/details/ChrisCortezKCSMHammondsBoleroInfoOnAirJonHammondTrio Vimeo https://vimeo.com/209616409 Youtube https://youtu.be/zJzD_iVwb4o Chris Rydm King Cortez Midday Jazz on KCSM Jazz 91, just played a track from Hammond's Bolero Jon Hammond Trio album giving info on the air at 91.1 on the FM Dial Producer Jon Hammond Language English Vimeo https://vimeo.com/209616409 Jon Hammond holding a copy of Hammond's Bolero at CD Release Party - Le Bar Bat New York City Jon Hammond and Joe Berger on cruise ship Horizon Celebrity Cruises en route to Bermuda from New York City Original art by Illustratorp aka Michael August on Hammond's Bolero CD disk Ham-Berger-Friz Records Jon Hammond at Hammond's Bolero CD Release Kiosk inside Tower Records Store legendary San Francisco location on Columbus Ave North Beach Ronnie Smith Jr. at Jon Hammond gig in Louisville Kentucky Hammond's Bolero CD Cover with photo of Jon Hammond Trio on the railroad tracks L to R Alex Budman, Ronnie Smith, Jon Hammond Excelsior Accordion Jon Hammond at his 1965 Hammond B3 organ with James Preston drummer of Sons of Champlin band in concert in front of San Francisco City Hall Jon Hammond Show MNN TV Broadcast 03 25 Jon's archive https://archive.org/details/JonHammondShowMNNTVBroadcast0325 Vimeo https://vimeo.com/209023322 Jon Hammond Show MNN TV Broadcast 03 25 Manhattan Neighborhood Network Channel 1 ©JON HAMMOND International NAMM Show Jazz Returns to musikmesse ProLight + Sound 2017 Jon Hammond + Allstar Band featuring Lee Oskar Multimedia Cool jazz Improvisation EVENTS MESSEFRANKFURT http://events.messefrankfurt.com/2017/musikmesse2017/Calendar Outdoor area Hall P10, Amazon Center Stage Wednesday and Thursday 1 PM - 1:30 PM wednesday, 05.04.2017, 1:00 pm - 1:30 pm Outdoor area Hall P10, Amazon Center St Zu Favoriten hinzufügen Share Jon Hammond + Allstar Band featuring Lee Oskar Genre: Funky Jazz and Blues - official moderation by Eleftherios Mavros event announcer #Mavros #Mavro #Amazon #CenterStage Jon Hammond: It was because of musikmesse and the many contacts I made there that I moved to Frankfurt for 2 years of my life. After the 2 years in Frankfurt, 1 year in Paris and then 2 years in Hamburg in the North. The whole time living in Europe Jon continued producing and sending in The Jon Hammond Show TV shows for broadcast in New York City on Manhattan Cable TV. Jon Hammond with Joe Lamond President CEO NAMM - Believe in Music Award Recipient #BelieveInMusic #NAMM Jon Hammond Show - multimedia cool jazz improvisation #multimedia #cooljazz #improvisation In Hamburg Jon Hammond worked together with Knut Benzner Moderator / Journalist of NDR and released his album “Late Rent” on Hot Wire Records which was distributed by EFA Medien. Joe Berger is a well-known guitarist and audio engineer who has worked and toured with John Entwistle of The WHO and world stars - he stopped counting at 35,000 bands! Jon and Joe began working together in the year 1986 and touring worldwide. Giovanni Totò Gulino has backed up everybody in Frankfurt - he is one of the best drummers in Hessen, and long-time haus drummer for the world famous jazzkeller. Peter Klohmann is a rising star on tenor saxophone - he has already been featured on HR Radio together with the hr-bigband and is also a composer. This is The Jon Hammond Band, and we are very proud and excited to announce a very special guest joining the boys on Center Stage: Lee Oskar! Original member of the band WAR and manufacturer of the famous LEE OSKAR Harmonicas, come visit Lee at his stand at musikmesse 2017 and hear him playing his unique famous style together with Jon Hammond All Star Band, see you there! Peter Klohmann - tenor saxophone Giovanni Totò Gulino - drums Joe Berger - guitar Jon Hammond - organ Special Guest: Lee Oskar - harmonica #NOTE: Thursday April 6th 1PM Amazon Center Stage Jon Hammond's Special Mystery Guest from USA *Hint: DRUMS Remembering my friend Al Jazzbeaux Collins aka Jazzbo - Jon Hammond Jazzbeaux Collins, Al Jazzbo Collins, Jon Hammond, Yoshi's Oakland, Bennett Friedman, James Preston, #HammondOrgan #AFMLocal6 #MusiciansUnion #HammondOrgan #Jazzbo

#jazzbeaux #jazzbox #jon hammond #radio show #hammond organ

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