#jared hopworth is canonically sexy

[mothsalami]

rip Jared and all of his fucked up plants </333, he would have loved Body by mother mother

[theradioghost]

A list of characters that do not deserve to have sexy fan interpretations but do so nonetheless

now see the constraint to characters that I have seen interpreted as sexy is what makes this interesting

jonah magnus: this includes depictions of slimy bastard man while wearing elias bouchard, not just jonah-magnus-as-jonah-magnus but I refuse to refer to him AS elias bouchard because Identity Theft Is Not A Joke, Jim

peter lukas: no. awful.

marcus cutter and miranda pryce: because I have not forgotten the sins of wolf 359 fandom and these two are absolutely Rancid! no one sexy here!

warren kepler: i’ve watched the q&as I know the creators think he looks sexy but I don’t care they’re wrong

alexander hilbert: god I wish I could forget what I’ve seen

jared hopworth: only minor tma avatar whose representation as sexy I will actively object to. don’t give me that line about him having a nice jawline either, we BOTH know that wasn’t his jawline

trexel geistman: this one’s a crime. that man is fucking a dead fish do not draw him sexy. if anyone who hasn’t listened to stellar firma reads this i’m so sorry please don’t ask me to explain this

static man: does not deserve it in the sense that he deserves better ... do not objectify him just let him be a geometrically impossible construct of blue static and teeth who has bad opinions about anime

chet whickman: person who drew sexy chet whickman, you know who you are and you know what you did

fucking doctor fucking howard fucking young: incorrect.

rudyard funn: no, it is the canon that is wrong

[allegedlyxen]

Rating the magnus archives fears by how hot their avatars are!

the eye: i’m only going off of jon because he’s the archivist but in my brain s1 jon was a tired gremlin, man did not sleep. s5???? very hot, shaved head and an endless amount of love for his bf and we love a healthy relationship in this household, 8/10.

the vast: Simon fairchild’s voice do be kinda hot doe, he reminds me of like every post describing boarding school and dark academia.points deducted because i’m pretty sure he’s old as fuck.5/10

the desolation: Agnes Montegue is so pretty.i know she doesn’t look like this in canon but when i picture her i see merida from brave, i too would risk my life to kiss her. 10/10

the buried: every avatar of the buried is an old grave digger. 0/10 too much dirt

the corruption: Jane Prentiss is a solid 9/10 and i only deducted points because of the fact that she fills people with bugs

the lonely: peter lukas is an old sea captain and i can only picture him in a big, bright, and yellow raincoat + hat. 4/10 Lonely Eyes is a funny ship

the stranger: Nikola Orsinov was a queen, androgynous goals. 7/10 she’s the reason tim’s dead so points off

the slaughter: Melanie King gouged out her own EYES to get away from the institute. can you imagine the willpower needed for that? 12/10 id let her stab me any day

the dark: Manuela is probably pretty cute but i doubt you’d ever really see her because she’s an avatar of the dark. 5/10

the hunt: i’ve expressed my attraction to julia montauk but i will do it again! she literally has that “i’d kick your ass” energy and i love it. plus you cannot convince me she is not a bi QUEEN. 20/10

the end: Oliver Banks objectively terrifies me, but i’d imagine he’s pretty cute despite the fact that he constantly looks like he’s never slept and smells like death. 4/10

the flesh: Jared Hopworth also objectively terrifies me but he is the funniest fuckin villain and i love it. plus he’s like 5x the size of a normal dude and his skin has to be soft if it’s constantly shifting so he’s probably good at cuddling! 7/10 you can have my bones

the web: Annabelle Cane is a manipulative queen and she knows it, 8/10 please no spiders

the spiral: 1000/10 Michael Shelley deserved better. moving on!

Bonus!

whatever breekon and hope were: 100/10 they only had each other and that’s very sexy of them