#japhyrambles

[japhgura]

AFK Journey has me writing such a tragic extremely old amnesiac main character tidbit

While Depression is keeping me confined in bed I've found AFKJ really soothed me, I actually super enjoy the characters

Hopefully I can get out of this slump soon and finish the no-stress, no-perfectionism 3 Pager I started before my head got really really bad again

Sneakpeak! :

[japhgura]

Pro Tip: Lay out your wonderful lovingly crafted lore in a semi-dark environment, preferably a veranda or something. The favourite blorbo should be put somewhere visible, you want your quarry to get attached.

Now you either slowly coax your creative dumbass of choice inside with some more lore and blorbo (this can either take a few weeks or you have em the first day, it really depends) or you just grab em while they're indulging in the lore.

Congrats! Now you have a co-conspirator to comb through all your lore with!

That or a feral racoon I guess

Anyway, is that @therealdesastr's lore over th-

Being obsessed with your own ocs is so so good for you i seriously can't recommend it enough

[japhgura]

A good way to reaffirm your autism is sitting next to someone extremely inconsiderate in the bus and wanting to wipe and respawn from the sensory hell that is intimate makeout session of somebody's bag to my hip

On an unrelated note I will now spend the rest of the afternoon in a dark, quiet closet where nothing is touching me for absolutely no reason

[japhgura]

The Zanpakutō Arc is my favourite arc of the anime. 

Really weird pick, I know. But when I saw it for the first time when I was much younger I loved all the cool spirits, I’ve always been super in love with the concept of Zanpakutō and getting a look into what the spirits are for everyone was so cool.  

When I rewatched the Arc, I realized that I still very much love the arc, but for different reasons. Namely, the Antagonist, Muramasa. I love his motives, how he goes about stuff and his character. He might be my favourite character in all of Bleach and this is a filler arc. 

But as much as I realized my love for the antagonist, I noticed that the stories of the Zanpakutō Spirits, as well as the designs and what they’re like seemed... Very lacklustre. I get that it’s filler and character development or anything isn’t allowed but.. oof. 

This turned out rather long so the rest is under the cut, including Kazeshini mini-makeover!

So one day, I wanna rewrite that Arc and give it as much love as it deserves. Kind of a passion project that would take a shit ton of work, but the end product would be something I could not only enjoy and share, but look back on fondly for a very long time. 

When/if I do that there’s a few things I wanna do for it. 

We’re gonna play by AEIWAM (by @gallusrostromegallus, go look at the tag) rules.  

Bleach without mods is very hard to play after having experienced Aeiwam and I can’t go back anymore.

This would very much be just me joining the bandwagon of creators playing in Gallus’ sandbox of wonder, but Aeiwam is what got me back into Bleach and the world building is too gooddddd. So, Zanpakutō Arc would once again be more of a filler (though Gallus if you find anything in it that you like please feel free to pick and choose if I ever manage to write this) 

The Spirits need some serious make overs. 

 While some designs are cool, others are kind of uninspired and really do feel like filler. Some of the personalities are stereotypes pretending to be characters. The whole Haineko, Tobiume, Hyōrinmaru love triangle was kinda weird imho. Stuff like, just put a bit more autistic special interest spice in it, make it more funky. Spend actual quality time on the Zanpakutō spirits, their appearance, their characters and their relationships. Have more funky things like Itegumo the Avalanche (Courtesy of @gallusrostromegalus). Spirits like Hōzukimaru and Ruriirokujaku would are prime candidates f.E.

3. Muramasa deserves better.

For real. Did not deserve to turn into glitter after breaking himself over and over for his Shinigami. Absolute Love and Loyalty met with nothing but hatred. The guy stabbed him and broke the sword and Muramasa was still nothing but loyal.

Fun Fact: Maegawa's first appearance was in a story we later called Zanpakutō Stories: Stockholm Syndrome. Very good time.

Her powers were made specifically to be able to save him from death by getting the hollows out of him without hurting him.

Her name is a bit of a wordplay. Asahi, the morning sun of a new day. And especially Maegawa. Muramasa expresses multiple times to his Shinigami to leave behind the past and look forward. To move forward. Together.

Maegawa, roughly translated: forward river. Pretty on the nose, but I couldn't resist

Actual cool stories between Zanpakutō and Shinigami.  

The conclusion of almost all sub stories between Shinigami and Sword Spirits was kind of a let down. The arc started strong in that regard, but then everyone broke swords left and right and they fixed it at the end with Mayuri Special Clown Magic. The premise of losing your powers forever if you kill your Zanpakutō Spirit was very cool but eventually ignored and even subverted by the Shinigami starting to purposefully destroying the swords halfway through.  

It would be a lot cooler if instead of just defeating them in battle everyone has to properly engage their Zanpakutō spirit and work out whatever gripes Muramasa has drawn out and strengthened. 

In that same vein, here’s an example I was pondering for this arc. A prime suspect of both ?? Design and very very unsatisfying story conclusion: 

Kazeshini 

The design was always really out of left field for me. A rude, battle-hungry being of slaughter with random cloth for decency and a vaguely scythe like haircut. 

...And that’s... Shūhei’s Zanpakutō spirit? Shūhei from the 9th? Who doesn’t particularly enjoy bloodshed, is always ready to help others out and though trying to be edgy is actually very much a goof? That Shūhei?  

That never really clicked with me. 

I mean maybe it’s implied violent tendencies or some random blood thirst deep down but I never felt like we really had any proof for that with Shūhei himself. Though it might’ve very well have gone r/whoosh. I struggle retaining all the information sometimes.

But then I had a fun little thought. 

At his very core, I feel like Hisagi is someone whose just intrinsically helpful. He wants to help, to do whatever he can and to prove himself to others. 

He puts on a tough front and some people fall for it, but he’s actually extremely kind-hearted and a very hard worker. 

Why would his Zanpakutō spirit not share that trait? The trait that’s at his very core.  

Slaughter Demon Kazeshini is a front. A tough looking exterior from a Zanpakutō spirit that really just wants to help its Shinigami with all its heart. 

The moment I saw Shūhei’s Shikai for the first time I actually had to think of Naruto for a moment. And when I pondered what those scythes might actually look like my thoughts returned to that thought: Kamaitachi.  

("Kamaitachi" (鎌鼬) from the Kyōka Hyaku Monogatari by Masasumi Ryūkansaijin)

Kamaitachi are yōkai that resemble weasels with scythe-like front claws riding on dust storms. Now the version I’ve sketched is a ferret because I can’t keep my wiggly guys apart apparently, but also has the scythes more ferret-forearm-area. But Kamaitachi were the inspiration. 

So this little guy is giddy as all hells when the Shikai first happens. Finally he can help his shinigami!! He’ll do his best and they’ll be so cool together and- 

Shūhei looks at his blades in a mix of shock and repulsion. “They look like they reap life itself” 

He hates his shikai. 

Kazeshini is distraught. Why..? Why the hatred for their blades? Fear? He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know _how to help_. But he wants to help! He needs to help! 

And then he gets an idea.

He needs Shūhei to hate _him_. Not the blades. He needs Shūhei to be stubborn, to use these blades and become stronger.  

So Kazeshini comes up with a plan. Shūhei doesn’t know his true form yet. He hasn’t seen the little ferret trying so hard to be a sword spirit he can rely on. And then Kazeshini does what he learned from Shūhei.  

He puts on a front.  

And that front is the rude Slaughter Demon Kazeshini, who never fails to infuriate Shūhei, to infuriate him to want to become stronger. To get Shūhei to show him that his blades can be used for more than death. 

Their Zanpakutō Arc story would be this little communication disaster falling in on itself and Shūhei finally seeing Kazeshini for what he really is and coming to terms with the blades (and himself in a way)

(The initial idea was that Kazeshini sees Hisagi's hatred for a part of himself (Hisagi hating Hisagi I mean) made manifest in the blades and decides to redirect Hisagi's hatred against his own soul toward itself to protect him, but since Zanpakutō spirits in Aeiwam work a little different I thought I'll need that overhaul that a little hehe)

But yeah, there we have it. This has been steeping in my brain soup for a very long time. But I really need to finish Maegawa Backstory before I start anything else haha

[japhgura]

I shot-gunned Thousand Year Blood War because I need more Kensei Reference for Writing The Dramatic RevealTM and

You'd really think after the Bount Arc in like 2015 where the big bad of the arc's weapon was named what every native german speaking person immediately interprets as a butter knife they'd have gotten better with their german

...yeah. you'd think so huh

Edit: I just started the separation and the first thing he says is Schattenbereich. ...That's just.. Bro that sounds like a more edgy smoking area nobody uses Bereich except for smoking areas or waiting rooms and such, don't call an entire realm that why

[japhgura]

Guess whose manic interest metronome has once again returned to Bleach? Maybe I'll actually make it through the fullbringer arc this time, I always sink into long ass anime when I'm very distressed

When I was writing my diploma and had the worst entrance exams of my life I caught up in one piece.

But what do we do when we return to bleach brainworm? Of course, thank the brain for finally allowing me to enjoy some good aeiwam again while dusting off my blorbos

There's some things I wanna attempt finishing writing but we'll see how much brain permits me while freaking out about the disability card thing oof

[japhgura]

I continued watching Bleach since I got my groove back and for some reason I cannot get this dumb little thingy out of my head that just rudely popped into there when I watched the Arrancar Arc

Chad picks up a weak animalistic hollow while invading hueco mundo and protects it from the stronger ones

Big guy gentle giant keeps this fragile little thing safe, gives it little headpats, it's scared and in his shirt pocket most of the time but starts sitting on his shoulder or around his neck more and more

Lots of stuff happens, he gets in a sticky situation and that weakass hollow he protected for a very very long time does like an eldritch abomination thing, lasers away the enemy and then faints, having to go back to sleep in his pocket

I might have to make a hollow (possibly (future?) arrancar) for this and then write that to get it out of my head

[japhgura]

I forget that I'm allowed to post even if I don't have any new art or writing

Oops

Anyway, last diagnosis appointment today and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna hand in my symptom list to get my GdB assessed, as in, where on the disability scale I'm gonna place

That's nervewracking man

I constantly feel like there's a very big change I'll mess up my future with this, but I don't wanna lie so I'm just trying to be honest

[japhgura]

Writing Kensei is such a roller coaster

From Gruff Military Sergeant who'd go out on a limb for you, over Inner Frat Boy who'd still go out on a limb for you, to Irritated Not-That-Great at Communication-Meathead-Brawler.

It's a ride.

Writing this is taking a while and I'm always distracted by wanting to draw re-imaged Kazeshini

The plight of the adhd writer/artist, when other projects distract you constantly lol

[japhgura]

Tmrw is the first appointment of my official tism diagnosis which will hopefully get me back into my job which I was 'sick too often' for

Am nerbous

[japhgura]

I looked back at my notes and decided they sucked:)

So I've been brainstorming for a while and here's some directions we could go in:

[japhgura]

There's nothing quite like informing your snek that you're not diggable while the little guy is fully smooshing his entire face into your collarbone

[japhgura]

Re-Writing Curse Wound Snippet since I lost it and and it was going pretty well but now I'm somewhat stuck with Shūhei

I knew I had a plan before but how does this guy handle a stubborn thick head hellbent on the idea that their captain betrayed them?

Half the snippet is him trying to get Maegawa to listen to him lol

[japhgura]

Currently experiencing an extreme bout of depression, gonna get back to drawing soon I hope but I guess it's gonna be vegetate in bed and bawl for me for a while

[japhgura]

For me, one of the most tragic parts of being diagnosed as autistic late is the moment you realize you've been playing the frgn human alien jackbox game for your entire life. The one where 'humans' get like prompts and have to type in an answer and 'aliens' get a somewhat similar prompt but not the same. And they have to try and blend in and guess everything constantly, while never truly knowing what's going on.

I'm in a new work environment and I s2g, every single social interaction I have with people in the hallway gives me the same feeling as playing that game. 'Did I do it right? Was that what they wanted from me? Should I have just said 'hi' and kept going, was it ok that I stopped? Are they onto me? Do they suspect I'm weird? Will I be ostracized?'

Sometimes I think it's unfair. That I have to be in an environment not made for me in order to survive. That I have to build my own legs and learn how to breathe air, when I can swim perfectly fine with fins and have no problem breathing underwater. Yeah, this is a fish out of water analogy. But there's nothing that feels quite like honestly believing there's something fundamentally wrong with you, some innate flaw at the core of your being that's always on the verge of being exposed. The nights wondering why you can't just breathe air normally. When you were never meant for it in the first place.

Anyway, if there's anyone who needs to hear this as much as I do - We're not broken. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with us, we're just.. us. Give yourself the same leniency and love you would give to a fish out of water. You're doing alright.

[japhgura]

Guess who just had a can of kidney beans on rice

Love it when my body is like 'food? Fuck no- I hate spice and more ingredients than two'

Eating is a chore gaaa