#jane clementine rizzoli
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#jane rizzoli#jane clementine rizzoli#angie harmon#rizzoli and isles#gay panic#kate beckett#katherine beckett#stana katic#castle
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Jane Rizzoli Aesthetic
#jane#jane rizzoli#detective#detective rizzoli#police department#police detective#police#boston#coffee#baseball#rizzoli family#jane clementine rizzoli#boston massachusetts#angela rizzoli#frankie rizzoli#maura isles#rizzles#rizzoli and isles#tv series#tv shows#aesthetic#angie harmon#boston police department#jane x maura#police car#police officer#massachusetts#vanilla#rizzoli and isles fandom#edit
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#angie harmon#lorraine bracco#sasha alexander#angela rizzoli#beautiful face#beauty#face#beautiful dark hair#jane rizzoli#rizzoli and isles#team angie harmon#jane x maura#maura isles#jane clementine rizzoli
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writing rizzles and look I know. I know it would take a lot to get Jane to read any poetry, probably especially old poetry or romantic poetry, or god forbid old romantic poetry. but listen because
a) Jane is one competitive motherfucker. if I can frame it as competitive, even just theoretically, all bets are off. and
b) there is actually not one single thing Jane Clementine Rizzoli would not do for Maura Dorothea Isles
#first of all through maura all things are possible so jot that down#I'm putting over-indulgent florid gooey poetry in this fic and I am making it make sense#rizzoli and isles#also does anyone know with certainty how to spell maura's middle name? I've definitely seen both Dorthea and Dorothea#I tend to go with the latter but like#do we know?
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1, 6 and 13 on Rizzles asks.
Thanks is for playing. 🥰
1) Favorite Maura 'fit
The watch, the color of her blouse, the ... exquisite fit of her blouse.
6) Most outrageous moment of Gay: there are so many lmao. I think when Jane pushes Maura behind her and literally places herself between Maura and Giovanni. That was some tree pissin', possessive, gay ass shit.
13) One character for a day: Sigh. Maura in Bridge to Tomorrow. I would tell Jane that the problem is, in fact, not that she is a bit hard to love, but that she is very easy to love. That she has very possibly broken my heart for the last time with her misplaced savior complex behavior and not thinking of me (or anyone) when she jumped. I would conclude a la Top Gun by telling her "Jane Clementine Rizzoli, you big stud, take me to bed now or lose me forever!".
Thank you for the ask @she-is-27-i-checked !!
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Jane Clementine Rizzoli if you do not marry this gorgeous sunflower I will murder you myself
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Ask game...
2, 10 , 15
Best Jane outfit I already answered and I can be convinced to salivate further but I will refrain at this time...
Favourite scene - perhaps the absolute ludicrousness of the Merch scenes? Jane's very unsubtle cleavage survey? The parade of deeply unconvincing network television glossy "lesbians"? The hot flirtatious bartender (who turned out to be evil??) just... ((Chef's kiss)). Garbage television at its finest.
Worst cannon love interest - oh they're all just absolute garbage aren't they? But I think the crown of The Worst has to be Casey. You want to take Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli away from her vocation and her close-knit family and the love of her life Maura Isles and for what? Tepid affection in the middle east? Fuck you man. Go chew a bag of dicks.
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can we PLEASE talk about how ATTRACTIVE Jane Clementine Rizzoli is. Not to mention that Angie Harmon (who portrays Jane) was a LITERAL MODEL. I will never recover
#rizzoli and isles#jane rizzoli#angie harmon#I am so gay for her#i cannot#a pivotal point in my life
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i love that kate’s full name is sooooo perfect for her. you just know when her mom’s mad at her she goes, “KATHERINE MARIE stop with the attitude!”
Sooo I thought I'd mix things up and send /you/ a post-episode message. But I have no coherent thoughts, all I can do is SCREAM!!! 😭😭😍😍😱😍 yet another first scene/last scene kacy episode...the gays really do just keep on winning 🌈🌈🌈🌈💖💖💖💖🙏
my, how the turn tables 😂😂 the hits just kept coming this episode i cant even think im screaming with you!! they did the calling each other by their fullnames thing i was fucking crying 😭😂 this is kacys world now we're just living in it!
#kacy#this took me back to the jane clementine rizzoli and marua dorothea isles days#im glad that i did not have to vote on their full names
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Where are you at with r & i? Tell me what’s happening
3x07. big isles family drama just went down
#reveal yourself anon so we can yell about det. jane clementine rizzoli’s pant suits (and more)#!!!!
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Jane: I love you.
Maura: I love you too.
Jane: Even though my middle name is Clementine?
Maura: Know your limits Rizzoli.
credit
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the one scene involving Angela that I DID want to see on Rizzoli & Isles was someone confronting her about why tf Jane’s middle name is Clementine
#you can't just dole out a weirdass name like that and then never have a scene explaining it#rizzoli & isles#like im just sitting here unable to accept that that is canonically her name#why
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🍓🍒🍈🫐 :)
hi baby :)
🍓 What's a fic you've written you feel is underrated?
Ummmmm lately I've been feeling the good ol "everything I've written in the past is trash actually" feeling so this is a little tricky... but I will take the opportunity to promote "you'd be so easy to love", because that one doesn't belong to a fandom per se and therefore no one really finds or looks at it and it's pretty cool, if I do say so myself, even though it's not complete and at this point unfortunately probably never will be. I decided to make a bunch of Playboy cartoons lesbian, is what that story is. There's more in the notes of the fic itself
🍒 What’s your favorite character dynamic to write? (Can be romantic or platonic, specific or general!)
Haha. Well. I do enjoy the service top/power bottom thing, probably because it comes easily. It can be fun to write what you know.
🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.
Right now my blorbo is Jane Clementine Rizzoli, of course. Um, let's see. I'm aware I'm beating a dead horse but service top Jane is important to me. Her Catholic guilt is important to me, even though I don't necessarily write it or think I will (say I as I have written precisely one incomplete story featuring her so far). I like that she's protective and guard dog-ish, but that's just canon. I like playing with the idea that thinking she's not good enough for Maura is part of what keeps her from making a damn move. I'm aware none of this is particularly groundbreaking (florals, spring, etc).
In the past I would've said that I find it interesting to think of her as bi but recently that has become starkly untrue. That woman is not attracted to men and has never enjoyed a sexual encounter with one, not once.
🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)
I'm surprised by how little knight/princess stuff there is. It feels to me like an obvious thing to do with them, and a handful of people have, but not as many as I would expect (at least on ao3). Maybe it's because it feels like such low-hanging fruit? I may throw one in there at some point. No promises
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4 Fave character - Jane Clementine Rizzoli
Her Sarcasm, Her Strength, Her Bad-assness
There is nothing I don’t like about her.
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Honeymoon Period
So this was a originally a one shot for Week 9 (Theme: Mistakes) for the #rizzlesfanficchallenge I was asked to extend it so here you go :) Happy Valentine’s Day :)
Chapter One.
Jane and Casey landed in the airport from their honeymoon and life bombarded them immediately; her phone buzzed with a zillion voicemails from her Ma and his commanding officer called him with an almost eerie timing as soon as he turned his signal back on. Casey looked at Jane with those puppy dog eyes he did before turning his back and hailing down a cab whilst succumbing to whatever instructions where being barked down the phone at him. Jane watched him climb into the cab and take off with a heavy sigh, so much for the honeymoon period! She hailed down a separate cab, gave the driver her address and took a deep breath before looking at her phone again. She winced as she looked at the sheer volume of voicemails her Ma had left her and locked the phone hastily, she could at least wait until she got home to call her Ma.
The cab pulled up at her apartment and she smiled at the familiar building with an almost sad nostalgia; whilst on honeymoon Casey had talked about getting a house, somewhere just outside of the city, somewhere cozy and warm, perfect for raising a family. she, of course, didn't let on the feeling of utter dread that that image brought her, she told herself it was just jitters, like she had on the wedding day, nothing serious, she just didn't always like change. She unlocked the door to her apartment and turned to close it behind her when she jumped out of her skin at a noise behind her.
"JANE CLEMENTINE RIZZOLI!"
"Jesus Ma!" Jane spun on her heels to glare at her Ma who was glaring right back at her with her hands on her hips. "What you tryin' to kill me?!"
"Me?! What about you? You don't let me know you landed safe, you don't leave the name of your hotel, you don't answer my calls, you don't tell me when you've arrived back?!" Angela shook her head at her daughter "I was worried sick! Anything could have happened!"
"Ma, I was on honeymoon! So sue me if I don't wanna talk to my mother every day!"
Angela was hurt by Jane's comments but shook them off; there was something more important to discuss. "Janie…"
Jane frowned at her apartment and it took her a second to catch onto why it looked so different, "Ma…why is all your stuff here…in my apartment…?"
Angela could feel the tears welling up and she wished she didn't have to have this conversation. "Janie…come sit down."
Jane eyed her Ma suspiciously "No, I'm good standing, what's going on Ma?"
Angela sighed sadly "It's Maura."
Panic seized Jane and she felt as if she were going to collapse, a lump in her throat made her feel sick and her ears began ringing, somehow she managed to speak over all of it "What's happened? Where is she?"
"I don't know."
The quiet honest answer her Ma gave her made her feel as if she had been stabbed through the chest "What do you mean? Where is she Ma? Where's Maura?" Saying her name almost winded Jane as emotions she didn't know she had coursed through her veins.
"She's gone…she sold the house…she quit her job…and just…left." Angela saw the heartbreak in her daughter's eyes and she recognised it; every time Maura had been hurt or in danger she had had that haunted, broken look in her eyes, Angela had never seen her look like that with anyone else, not even when Casey had told her the news of his accident.
Jane shook her head repeatedly "She just, left? no, Ma, that can't be right, I mean, she must have said something?!"
Angela stood up and attempted to gather Jane into a hug but Jane pushed her away angrily. "I came home from work and she was gone, she left me a note saying I had a couple of days to clear the guesthouse before the new owners moved in…that she was sorry but it was something she had to do. I called Sean and she had resigned that day, she begged him to take all her unused leave as a replacement for her notice…and that was it…"
Jane balled up her fists and gritted her teeth together "You must know something else."
Angela shook her head sadly and watched as Jane stormed out of her apartment.
As she sped to the BPD she constantly rang Maura leaving message after message telling her to call her. As she stormed into the bullpen she saw everyone avoid her gaze and she snarled at them in disgust before yanking open the door to Cavanaugh's office and slamming it shut.
He looked up at her unimpressed, "Detective Rizzoli. I trust you had a pleasant honeymoon?"
"Where is she?"
"Excuse me?"
Jane slammed her hands down on his desk "Maura! Where is she?!"
"Doctor Isles felt as if her services were needed elsewhere."
Jane leaned right into his face trying to hold back the hot tears "Where did she go?"
"Rizzoli, you know I can't reveal that information, she asked for it to remain private."
"I'm her best friend!"
"Then why didn't she tell you?"
His words slithered across her skin like a cold harsh wind, it seeped into her and sank to the pit of her stomach like a rock. She turned and left his office without a word. She walked out of the bullpen and down into the morgue. Doctor Pike was fussing about in Maura's office measuring things and she simply glared at him. "Get out." He opened his mouth to protest but seeing the dangerous look in her eye he scampered away.
"Then why didn't she tell you?" The words echoed in her mind like a cruel taunt. She picked up her phone and dialled that number that was so ingrained in her brain. "Maura…it's me…again…where are you? Let me come and find you…please…I need to talk to you, I want to talk to you…I miss you…I…I…I love you…" The last admission was whispered down the phone as realisation sank in and Jane suddenly realised what had been staring her in the face for all these years. "I love you." Her voice had grown in strength as the words warmed through the frost and hurt. "I love you Maura Isles, Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts. I love the way you get frustrated with me and tell me off when I guess. I love the way your nose scrunches up when you don't understand a saying. I love the way you talk to your turtle…I love the way it winds you up when I don't call Bass a tortoise. I love the way you always look like you're about to do a photoshoot. I love the way you always have my back, no matter what. I love that I'm the only one allowed to hug you when you cry, just like you're the only one who can hold my hands. I love you Maura and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to us. I'm sorry I was so blind I didn't see it. I'm sorry I married Casey." Tears were flowing fast and free down Jane's face. "Losing you is the worst thing that could ever have happened to me, letting you go without telling you this is my biggest mistake. I'll do anything Maur…anything. I will hunt the earth to find you just to tell you this, even if you don't feel the same, even if you never want to see me again."
Jane heard movement in the doorway and span in hope praying to see those beautiful hazel eyes that reassured her that everything was okay. Instead she face Senior Criminologist Chang's puzzled expression and she sighed heavily as she hung up her phone.
"Detective Rizzoli. You're back."
Jane frowned at her momentarily before remembering she had just come back from honeymoon. "Oh, right, yeah…" she swiped at her tears and went to brush past Susie when a gentle hand reached out and rested on her arm.
"It took you long enough." Jane frowned at her again and the other woman smiled kindly at her. "Doctor Isles told me to keep this strictly to myself, but I have a feeling she will forgive me in time."
Jane felt a piece of paper being pushed into her hand and unfolded it carefully. it was an address. Jane looked up to thank Susie but she had gone. Hope suddenly welled up inside Jane like a spring. This is it. You're about to either make another mistake, or rectify the biggest one you ever made. Either way it was about time Jane learned from her mistakes and she wasn't about to let Maura go again without a fight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Two.
Jane sat behind the wheel of her car staring at the cursive handwriting that she knew almost better than she knew her own. Seeing it comforted her, warmed her heart like it was proof she was ok but before that thought had time to settle a newer stronger thought harked at her. But she isn’t ok. And it’s my fault. She carefully folded the paper like the precious gem it was and turned the key in the engine. As the engine roared into life and purred underneath her she drank in its power and strength. She sat up straighter and pulled down the visor to give her chocolate eyes a glare “Time to man up Rizzoli.” Time to stop running. The silent afterthought made her slap the visor back with more vigour than was needed, had she really been running all this time? She didn’t need to answer herself to know that deep down somewhere she had always known there was something more to her feelings for Maura. The countless times Maura would touch her, innocently, to reassure her or as a gentle no every time it sent shivers across her skin but she would never give credence to that feeling and just blocked it out. That’s what she was good at – blocking things out, if she wasn’t she would never have come back from Hoyt, she was able to put walls up where they were needed. She sighed and her shoulders sagged a little, they were never needed with Maura though and the honey blonde had always managed to smash through them somehow. A lump formed in her throat as she recalled the fallout from Doyle, the intense hurt in those hazel eyes and Jane remembered praying to a god she didn’t believe in that Maura would forgive her because she didn’t know how she could live with Maura looking at her like that. They had come past all of that, they had gone through so damned much together and yet the detective refused to see what was in front of her the whole time. She thought about all the times they almost lost each other and she sat back up, tilted her head to one side with a satisfying crack and gripped the steering wheel with reinforced purpose. I’m not going to lose her this time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maura looked around the penthouse apartment with a heavy sigh for a countless time since she had gotten here; trust her name to bring such opulence. She rolled her eyes, all she had wanted was a room, small enough to keep her contained and no room for her thoughts that she had no control over. She opened the French doors and walked out onto the balcony taking in the breath-taking view – this was certainly a bonus of the unrequested upgrade, it was almost enough to take her thoughts away on the breeze. Almost. She felt the hot tears welling up again and clenched her fists in frustration. I am Maura Isles, Medical Examiner, Queen of the Dead…I do not get consumed by ridiculous emotions. But even as the thought floated around her head the sour taste in her mouth and heat across her chest told her that her body was having none of it. She had been, she had lead an uncomplicated, blissfully ignorant “normal” life, unmarred by emotion, clinical and precise…and then she had walked into her life. Maura smirked, or the coffee shop to be more precise. There had been no question over her base attraction to Jane – she was a stunningly beautiful woman even in that horrendous undercover get up Maura was attracted to her. A small laugh escaped her lips and was snatched away by the breeze, the brunette’s rude obnoxious snarky tendencies were not a turn on. She lay a gentle hand across her heated skin below her neck and absentmindedly played with the necklace that lay there. Ok she conceded, at first, they weren’t a turn on. But as her thoughts drifted to Jane’s fiery temper and block headedness and passion she found the familiar aches shiver over her body. Even when they fought that passion did things to Maura that were never appropriate but it was just so Jane when she went all gung-ho or when she defended her like she was the most precious thing in her life. She smirked at a memory in Giovanni’s garage when he asked her if she wanted to help him under the hood and she stood there helplessly stammering until an idea sprung to mind. She remembered eyeing Jane to try and get her message across silently but all she could feel was her heart thundering in her chest as her mind screamed at her for this ridiculous idea. When the brunette’s expression was blank the word “Babe” fell out of her lips for the first time in her life and it took all she had not to laugh but even as the giggle bubbled up her throat Jane’s eyes gained understanding and before she could process it she was closing the gap between them with this dark look in her eye that killed the giggle immediately and suddenly nothing was in her mouth or throat, not even saliva. When Jane’s arms wrapped around her waist and she gave a little protective tug to pull her back into her body Maura’s mind melted. She sank back and gave in to the amazing feeling of Jane’s body behind hers and could barely think straight as she rocked them, like they had done this a thousand times. “Tell him.” The raspy command in her ear flooded parts of her anatomy, not that they needed it the strong arms she was feeling had already performed that job admirably. It wasn’t until she tried explaining things to Giovanni that she realised just how short circuited her brain was, of course she could later blame it on not being able to lie but in that moment, it was all to do with Jane’s body. She wished Jane had been going through the same thing as they equally fumbled over the terminology but she couldn’t help the lump in her throat hearing Jane saying the words life long and suddenly Maura was overwhelmed with want and not just the physical kind. Nothing came close, however, to the sheer ripple through her body when Jane whispered “oh babe” in her ear completely unprompted – it was a good thing she was holding her upright because Maura’s knees would not have done the job. Maura sighed as her body remembered the closeness but smiled sadly as she also remembered how quickly Jane had let go of her, true she had had to come right back hastily which had bumped her body right back against her own making Maura have to bite her lip to stop the noise she wanted to make from escaping. She shook her head vigorously and swiped a hand at the tears she hadn’t realised were falling. “Damn you Jane Rizzoli” she whispered into the air whilst feeling her skin tingle at the words, after all she had never told her, she let her go to Casey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jane drove like woman possessed and the truth is she felt possessed, she felt wild, alive, passionate, crazy all the things that the thought of losing Maura did to her – it amped her up her adrenaline was flowing and it occurred to her that every time she had saved Maura she put these feelings down to the danger, the job, that’s what she did, it’s what she loved but now she knew better it was all those things but overall it was Maura. It was the fear of losing her forever. She glanced down at her hands gripping the wheel and grimaced light was bouncing off her engagement ring which was now nestled with her wedding band and it was winking at her, like a reminder of all the wrong choices she had made. She ground her teeth and felt her heart sink as she remembered that day with Maura.
“You gonna mention that diamond you’re wearing? Or do I ignore it?”
Jane felt her heart sink as Maura spent longer looking at the piece of paper in her hand than she did at her…but then when she did the brunette wished she hadn’t…that trademark beaming smile that always made her feel better about things wasn’t there…there was nothing there other than a faint forced smile and it was unsettling. She had tried to lighten the mood with a joke about rom coms but she could see immediately that their normal banter was nowhere to be found. Maura’s rebuffal was sadly self-defamatory and yet so reminiscent of old Maura, the Maura who wasn’t her friend, the Maura who thought she was odd, the Maura who distanced herself from people because she wasn’t like them. It made Jane scared to see her slip back into that persona but Jane being Jane kept up the bravado, she remembered dismissing Maura’s behaviour by thinking she must be having a bad day. She kept joking around but it wasn’t until she held out her hand and saw Maura’s face when she eyed the diamond that she knew somewhere deep down that nothing was ever going to be the same again. The words that came out of the medical examiner were humourless and biting but Jane tried to make light of it again. Now as she drove she glared at it Pretty?! The more she looked at it now the more she simply saw it as a colourless crystalline form of pure carbon. She couldn’t help but smirk at that, Maura would be proud she remembered the terminology correctly. She had tried to change the subject, switching back to the case in hand but Maura being Maura wouldn’t just let it lie.
“So…you’re leaving?”
Those words, even now, punched Jane right in the gut along with the memory of those eyes, those eyes that looked so hurt, so betrayed. She hated herself for having that conversation with Maura now but back then she was so blind she didn’t know…she thought it was just her friend not wanting to lose her but now she knew better. She hit the steering wheel again “GOD! I am so dumb!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How are you gonna survive with one shoe?”
“How will I survive without my best friend?”
It was a rare moment of pure unfiltered emotion but the way Jane reacted…it wasn’t enough. It was never enough, because she didn’t know…she didn’t feel the same but Maura couldn’t stop her love and emotions overflow at that moment and it was all too raw, too much. So, she did what she always did, google mouthed her way out of it, or so Jane would have called it. As she stood on the balcony now she felt the wave of overwhelming emotions hit her again but this time she didn’t have to run…this time she had already run. She walked back inside and glanced at the clock. They would be landing now. She cursed herself for knowing their flight details and itinerary, she wanted to blame Angela but she knew even if she hadn’t left the details lying around her old home she would have looked them up anyway. She most definitely didn’t have a flight update app on her phone to notify her of any issues either. She walked into the bedroom and rolled her eyes at the ginormous bed before she ungraciously flopped herself onto it. She turned her head to one side.
“Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you’re attracted to me?”
She smiled in spite of herself, they had been dancing around each other right from the very beginning, she sighed heavily as she took one last look at her phone before she turned it off. She was with him now, forever. It was time to move on. She turned the phone over and ejected the SIM card before inserting a new one. Fresh start. Even as she walked over to the trash can every cell of her being was screaming at her not to do it but she steeled herself and let the small item fall from her fingers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jane had Maura’s number on redial but it was just going straight to her voicemail each time. Her gut was chewing itself to pieces but she kept repeating the same thought in her head She’s just busy, she’s ok. Not that it stopped her from pressing the gas pedal a little harder. She kept trying to imagine what was going to happen, trying to prepare herself but she was sinking deeper into despair with every thought. What if I’ve totally misjudged this? What if she doesn’t return my feelings? What if she’s met someone else? The other side of her kept rebuffing her inane fears. She loves you, you know she does, you’ve always known it, just like you’ve always known you love her you just couldn’t see it until now. You’ve been on honeymoon for two weeks, she’s not going to have met the love of her life in two weeks. She felt sick, she felt like she had heartburn even as she thought about it. The trouble was, it was Maura. As soon as you meet her you can fall head over heels, what if someone better had come along? Someone who realised just how precious she was, and showed her that…just like she had always done to Jane.
“You don’t know? You’re gorgeous my friend.”
As she drove she suddenly realised it didn’t matter what she said, as long as she said it. Whatever the outcome she would live with it, she would deal with the fall out but she couldn’t go another day without telling her how she felt. As if on cue Casey rang her phone and she felt the guilt sitting heavily on her chest. That was not going to be a fun conversation…but it needed to be face to face, she owed him that much. She reached over and turned her phone off before wiggling her rings off and guiltily sighing with relief as her hand felt instantly lighter. Casey was a good guy, he had his flaws but he was a good guy, she hadn’t been good to him, she had denied him the big wedding he had wanted…she told him she couldn’t take the fussing from her Ma and that it was just for the two of them. Truth was, not that she admitted to herself until now, she couldn’t marry someone else with Maura there, she couldn’t stand to see the emotions flicker across those hazel eyes. That’s even if she would have come to wedding which Jane doubted. So, she had run…run away from Maura just like she always had done and took Casey along for the ride. He deserved better…so did Maura. She chewed at her thumb and cursed the medical examiner for going so far away, it was making it hard to keep going every time she doubted herself. Maura did deserve better than her, but more than that Maura deserved the truth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Three.
She didn’t remember falling asleep but she knew she had been dreaming of a certain brunette as she was rudely awoken by a pounding on the door. She groggily sat up and frowned at it. She hadn’t ordered room service and no one would disturb an Isles in this establishment unless it was urgent – it certainly sounded urgent from the thundering sounds. She half-heartedly raised a hand to fuss her hair but dropped it with a sigh, what was the point? That thought made her heart sink a little, that was one of the things that made her her but she didn’t have the energy for it. This time away was exactly what she needed she needed to find herself again. Build those walls back up. She straightened her back and made her way to the door that was still being pounded. She took a deep breath and swung open the door only to let the breath out in a shocked whoosh like she had been winded.
Jane blinked. She was there. Just, just stood in the doorway. It was really her. It felt like a million years since she’d actually seen her and her mind utterly blanked, all she knew was that in that moment looking into those hazel eyes she felt like she was home.
Maura thought she was dreaming, she genuinely wanted to pinch herself but as she gazed into those chocolate eyes she saw the layers of emotions; sadness, happiness, guilt, shock and she knew the brunette was real, if she was a dream it wouldn’t be this hard. And it was hard, it was hard to swallow all of her emotions and instinctual words that were on the tip of her tongue. Hardest of all was keeping the tears at bay, she didn’t know if they were happy or sad tears, which meant they were probably both.
She felt home but she also felt lost. It felt like they had been apart for so long and there was so much unspoken between the two of them. She cursed herself for not practising what to say. She thought about stepping over the threshold and just gathering the honey blonde into a kiss but she found her feet wouldn’t move. This was harder than she thought. “Why do you always look like you’re about to do a photoshoot?”
The pair of women blinked at one another as the words broke the silence around them.
What the fuck Rizzoli? Really? Jane inwardly winced, god she was such a bumbling moron. She tried to smile at Maura but only half of her mouth moved and she imagined it was more of a grimace than anything and she wanted to turn on her heel and bolt.
The brunette tried to throw her one of her trademark goofy grins but it didn’t fully form and she knew that Jane was feeling as unsure as she was. She wanted her to come in but at the same time she wanted to beat her fists against her chest and banish her. She knew, if she did that Jane would leave and never come back, she would respect her wishes. That’s why she was still stood in the corridor awkwardly; she wouldn’t come in unless Maura asked her in. She didn’t trust her words so she simply stepped to one side and held open the door.
Jane walked into a suite that was bigger than her entire apartment and couldn’t help but smile a little, Maura’s name had preceded her no doubt, as much as she loved the finer things in life even she wouldn’t go this far. She didn’t trust her body and kept her back to Maura as she looked out the French doors at a stunning sunset.
Maura closed the door and the sound was too loud, it only heightened the silence between the two of them and she floundered. What on earth can I say to her? “Is Angela-“
“She’s ok.” Her voice cracked and came out hoarser than she expected and she realised she was closer to tears than she thought. She straightened her back and pulled on the Rizzoli armour before finally turning to the smaller woman who was stood with her arms wrapped around her. “Susie, she-“
“Ah.” Maura inwardly cursed herself but also couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed her mind when she had given the paper to her former colleague. She tried to regain some semblance of control by crossing to the bar and poured two glasses of scotch.
The tinkling of ice cubes took the place of the unsaid conversation and by the time Jane crossed over to take her glass the air felt less tense, still horrid and awkward, but the cursory small talk was at least bypassed…now for the real talk. She gulped the burning liquid down her throat and couldn’t hold back the cough.
She couldn’t help it, the small crossed her lips before the thought of one did and she knew those chocolate eyes had seen it but she wasn’t ready to give in yet so she straightened her posture, jutted out her chin defiantly and proceeded to go and stand on the balcony.
Jane poured herself another generous scotch and gave herself a pep talk before turning to follow the medical examiner outside. They stood for a few moments in silence, Maura staring into her glass chasing the ice around the bottom of the tumbler and Jane flicking her gaze between the honey blonde and the sunset still not quite believing her eyes. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish several times as she floundered for the right words but everything she thought of just wasn’t enough, it wasn’t good enough. That niggling thought plagued her again and she felt her scars flare up as they did when she was nervous or scared. She absentmindedly rubbed her left hand over the rim of the glass to try and relieve it.
Maura caught the action out of the corner of her eye and she sighed, Jane was nervous…or scared. She knew that action all too well. She dared to allow her eyes to flick up to chocolate ones that were gazing out at the sunset the reflection of which made her eyes shine and cast a rosy glow over perfect olive skin and those damned cheekbones she wanted under her fingers. She blinked the thought out of her mind. We don’t know why she’s here, she might not be here for that… the other voice in her mind scoffed at her. Yeah sure, don’t pretend like you haven’t noticed that hand doesn’t have rings on it.
Jane was having an imaginary conversation with Maura when a feather light touch stilled her hand on top of her glass. She froze like an animal caught in headlights not wanting to disturb the touch. She didn’t trust her gaze not to give her away so she stared at the sunset willing her tears to vanish. Her touch burned against Jane’s cold skin but it was so gentle like she was going to break it made her chin wobble.
She traced around the scar on top of her hand in circles as she had done countless times before. Somehow this time was different, somehow this time was so much more intimate. She took a deep breath and plucked up the courage to swipe her thumb gently across the puckered scar tissue and Jane hissed.
At the noise concerned eyes shot up to meet her own but they softened and the stilled digit resumed its work as she must have seen it was not pain that caused her to hiss. She gripped her glass as hard as she could for fear she would drop it and tried to tear her eyes away from hazel ones but like a magnet she was unable to.
She didn’t know how long they stood like that but in that gaze she tried to convey all her feelings, she knew she didn’t have the words to do it and she didn’t trust herself to say the right thing, she never could say the right thing.
She could see fear in those eyes, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt, all the fears she knew were shining in her own eyes. She finally had her answer. She knew why Maura had run, it was the same reason Jane had been running for all these years. She turned her left hand and stilled Maura’s movements and held her hand for a moment.
She was the only one allowed to touch her hands like this, so intimate, she had known that for a long time but had always dismissed it as friendship and nothing more for fear of getting hurt. As she was trusted in this moment she knew it finally meant more than that. She felt her hand being lifted and she watched in wonder as her best friend lifted her hand to her soft lips and pressed them against her fingers.
Her heart was thundering and she was pretty sure she was sweating, it was just a kiss on the hand but she knew it spoke volumes more than that. She could feel herself shaking as she peeled her lips away from that soft skin and she was overwhelmed by the scent of Maura. It was a scent she knew from hugs and sleeping next to her but she hadn’t realised how much she had missed it, how much she needed it.
Maura could feel the brunette shaking and she knew she was also trembling. She reluctantly retrieved her hand and took the brunette’s glass before setting them down on the table beside them. With shaking hands, she turned to face Jane and took both her hands in her own and squeezed reassuringly.
The tears fell. She couldn’t hold them back any more and she wasn’t the only one. The pair of them stood silently crying until Jane couldn’t take it anymore. She reached up and gently wiped a stream of tears away and then caressed that soft cheek. She felt Maura echo her actions and sighed gently before relaxing into her touch. “Maur…I-“
Maura moved her hand to cover those soft lips and shook her head softly before moving her fingers to that magnificent jawline and guided her down to her level. They stilled millimetres apart, breaths mingling knowing that if they took this next step it would change anything. She wasn’t sure whose eyes closed first or who leaned in to close that gap but once they did all she knew was that this is where she belonged.
She kissed Maura. Maura was kissing her. Her mind blanked after those two thoughts. She was vaguely aware that she had the honey blonde’s face in her hands, she was also semi aware that their bodies had stepped closer together at some point during the kiss and that they were made to be melded against one another. She wasn’t aware of Maura’s hands until she received a tug to her dark curls pulling her lips away from the kiss.
There was a pout. Jane Rizzoli pouted and Maura couldn’t help but smile.
Wow. That smile. It was unlike anything she had ever seen – it was wide, and beautiful and free. She looked so happy and relaxed that Jane could practically feel her walls crumbling, she was putty in this woman’s hands and she had never been like that with anyone, she was always the dominant confident one – now she was a puddle.
Maura took in the contented face in front of her for as long as she could stand it before pulling the brunette back in for another kiss. This kiss was less reverent but no less tender. When Jane growled against her lips Maura gasped and the brunette took full advantage of that slipping her tongue between her lips and Maura’s eyes nearly rolled back into her head. Jane Rizzoli was an outstanding kisser. Strong hands left her face and anchored themselves at her waist pulling her impossibly closer and again she gasped before sliding the hand that wasn’t tangled in unruly curls down to hipbones that had always fascinated her.
Jane broke the kiss but stayed close, nudging Maura’s nose with her own in an uncharacteristically adorable move and she rolled her eyes at her own sappiness but it was worth it when she was rewarded with a small chuckle and kiss to her nose.
They hadn’t said what they wanted to, they hadn’t said those three words, they hadn’t spoken about anything that mattered…somehow it didn’t matter. They had finally found each other after years of searching but not realising they were searching for one another. Nothing else mattered, they could deal with it all when they had to go back to reality, but for now it was just the two of them, and that’s all that mattered.
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