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julieverne · 1 month ago

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The first time Jane's not drunk enough to pass it off as a mistake. It's early into their friendship; Maura still asks for Jane's sweats instead of digging them out of a drawer. She's wearing them, her hair still wet from the shower. It's been a rough day, a gross day, one that requires multiple showers. Maura looks sad so Jane hugs her the way she'd hug anyone who'd had stomach liquid land in their hair.

Maura holds her close. Maura is awkward to hug; she stiffens but doesn't pull away. She waits to make sure Jane's not making some sort of mistake, and then she pushes forward too hard, her breath all raggedy like she's trying not to cry, her hands holding Jane too hard, as though Jane will push her away if she lets go too soon, like she's scared it's not real - like she's scared Jane's not real.

And that night, the first time, Maura's wet hair against Jane's chin, her hands finally learning how to relax on Jane's body so she doesn't leave her bruised, Jane feels Maura's pelvis press against her. It's not on purpose, but Jane's breath catches and she pushes back and Maura's breath comes all thin and thready, the warmth of her against Jane's thigh promising worlds Jane can't even imagine and then they're dry humping up against Jane's ancient refrigerator that came with her apartment and Jane comes with Maura with an irritated hum from the overworked appliance, gasping for breath.

Jane has only had two beers. She glances at them wistfully, looking for an excuse, then looks down to Maura's flushed, embarassed face.

Maura's her best friend. Maura's the best friend she's ever had.

"It's okay," Jane says when she can talk, and she feels Maura relax against her. They're still hugging. "It's been a long day. We're probably just frustrated."

They haven't kissed. That would make it something it's not.

+++

The next time Jane is too drunk. Maura finds her between her pain meds and a bottle of whiskey. Jane growls at her when she takes both bottles. Maura sits and pulls Jane against her, holding her. There is a bucket discreetly placed on the floor next to the couch.

"You're poisoning yourself."

"I put you in danger," Jane finally confesses. It's been weighing on her so long.

"You saved my life. Mine and Frankie's too."

"I should have known he was dirty. He should have never gotten near you." Jane's voice is low and raspy and she feels Maura's stomach clench as she speaks. She pulls away to look down at Maura. "I failed you."

Maura's crying. Jane touches her cheek and licks at the moisture on her fingers. She's dehydrated, and she lets Maura hold water to her mouth, lets Maura wipe her lips clear.

"You have never failed me."

Jane wants to kiss her, but they're not like that. She pushes herself on top of Maura and grinds down against her, gasping when Maura's pelvis rises to meet her, watching Maura's face beneath her. She brushes hair and tears away from Maura's face, with her fingers, with her lips.

Maura comes first, gloriously hard against Jane, arching up into her, a stifled little moan that sounds like Jane's name. It's enough to push Jane over the precipice she's been hovering over too long, and she joins Maura in pleasure, noting she's pushed Maura's dress up, her scarred palms brushing over Maura's bare thighs.

Jane collapses atop Maura, too tired and content to move.

"You have never failed me," Maura says again, and Jane feels those soft, strong fingers brushing through her messy hair, feels them on her back as Maura holds her tight enough that Jane wonders if Maura will ever let her go.

+++

The next time they're not drunk. They're at Maura's, and Jane doesn't know why she's not more freaked out about this. It's not technically sex, but it's close enough that she should be questioning herself, trying to figure out if she likes women.

Instead her hand is sliding up the hem of Maura's dress in her spare bedroom; they've avoided bedrooms so far, but here they are. Maura's hands are in Jane's shirt and she whimpers as Jane's fingers make contact with her satin underpants.

They're still not kissing because that would make it something else. Something like commitment, like Jane's heart doesn't break every time Maura has a date. This is new; Jane's never touched a woman like this before, but Maura's hips tilt and Jane can't withhold anything Maura needs. She can figure out the landmarks from here and she uses less pressure than she would for herself because she figures Maura's precious and delicate and whatever and she's right because she feels the pulse as it happens, Maura's hands holding her so tight that it's an effort to breathe, and then Maura's hand is on her, and she's never been so wet; she's almost embarrassed until Maura's eyes meet hers in awe and it's all Jane can do to keep from kissing her for being so sweet and understanding and so, so good at making Jane come.

Maura's hand cups her until she's sure Jane is done. "Sweet dreams," Maura says, and extracts herself. Jane collapses on the bed and wonders if she wants more or less from whatever they're doing.

+++

The next time they're in a shower. Jane fell into a river and Maura went in after her. They got hosed down at the precinct, but there is pond weed and an ickiness that remains. They shower together because they both need a shower and Jane's place is small. Maura touches the bullet wound on Jane's stomach and then gives Jane a knowing look as she slides her fingers lower, where the wet heat of Jane has been waiting for her touch. Jane's legs shake and she has to lean against the shower wall for balance, pulling Maura close and returning the favour. She's so wet - not from the shower, from touching Jane, and that's when Jane starts to wonder what they're doing. She's happy enough to be having mind-blowing sex with the most attractive person she's ever met, but she's not ready to talk about it. Not even with Maura.

She watches with satisfaction as Maura thrusts down against her fingers, grunts with pleasure as Maura bites down on her shoulder to muffle the noise she makes when she comes.

+++

And then Dean is in town. It's so, so awkward. Ma is pushing her. Maura is pushing her. Everyone wants her to be straight. Jane badly wants to be straight and Dean is there.

Jane doesn't even come. Doesn't even come close. She fakes it so he'll stop touching her so wrong. He falls asleep and Jane thinks of Maura's soft, gentle fingers, her fierce determination. The way she looks so pretty when Jane's inside her. Jane cries the way she should have when she put a bullet in herself to buy the woman she loved enough time to save her.

Jane cries because Maura doesn't love her, and Jane's just realised she does.

+++

Maura's mad at her. She throws Dean in her face. They bicker, but when Jane finally gets home, Maura is there.

"Your parents are in the hospital," Jane snipes, but there's no real ire left in her.

"I'm not... I'm not.... not mad. And I don't forgive you. I might never."

"Then why are you here?"

Jane knows; she can almost smell her from here. The air is thick and filled with everything left unsaid.

Maura crosses the room and shuts the door behind Jane, then slams her against it, sliding the deadbolt.

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many orgasms did he give you, Jane? What did he give you that I couldn't?"

"You told me... you chose the dress..."

"And you came when I called." Maura's anger leaves her and she slumps.

"I'll always come for you," Jane admits.

"You've never let me down," Maura agrees.

"You can shoot my dad if you want. It'll make us even."

Maura laughs bitterly and Jane wants to fix this. She takes Maura's chin in her palm and lifts Maura's face to hers. She lets her fingers stroke Maura's soft cheek as she looks into those deeply hurt hazel eyes, glittering gold with tears. She lowers her head so slowly that Maura has plenty of time to move away.

She doesn't. She meets Jane in the middle. They kiss, finally, after three years of not getting around to it. After three years of the most tender, loving sex Jane has ever had.

Maura's lips are so soft that Jane finds herself moaning into Maura's mouth. Maura grasps her like she used to; scared Jane isn't real, scared Jane doesn't mean it. Her tongue should be illegal because Jane's knees buckle when it brushes her own.

Then Maura's sharp teeth are digging into her bottom lip and Maura pulls away, her eyes flashing angrily.

"On your knees," Maura says, and her lips are swollen from Jane kissing them and Jane drops like a rock at the order, her hands already pushing the dress up out of the way, already pulling down what remains between them. She devours Maura utterly; she's drenched and running down Jane's chin, over her lips and tongue. It's better than anything she did with Dean; Jane hasn't been touched and she is throbbing and soaked.

Maura's fingers curl in her hair and she thrusts shallowly against Jane's open mouth. Jane licks her clean, waiting patiently. Maura just retrieves her underwear and leaves without another word. Jane makes herself come quickly once the door closes, tears down her cheeks and Maura on her lips. She slumps and leans against the closed door, holding herself since nobody else will.

+++

Maura forgives Jane. She kind of has to; Jane saved her life and her leg. And Maura saved them both with the coordinates. They forgive each other but what lies between them remains fractured. They make sure they're not alone. They seek out other company.

And then Jane gets a new mattress and Maura is the only person in her life helping her.

"Can I come?" Maura asks, when Jane talks about her dream wedding. Jane rolls onto her side and looks at her. It's okay, being alone with her now. It doesn't hurt like it used to. She knows now she broke them up, knows now there's nothing she can say that will fix things.

"You always do," Jane says without thinking. Maura put her drink down and looks Jane over with a hunger Jane recognises.

"I left you hanging. I owe you one."

"It's okay," Jane says, even though it's not, even though she'd cried on the floor for well over an hour, hoping to hear Maura's footsteps outside, hoping she'd changed her mind. "I always let you down."

"You have never," Maura says, rolling onto her side to face Jane, "and I mean never let me down."

"Never even run around and hurt you?"

Maura doesn't recognise the lyrics. Jane has never been able to RickRoll her because Maura never knows when she's being RickRolled.

"I was mad about Dean. But we weren't exclusive, and I was seeing people too. We never talked about it, did we?"

Jane's hands are shaking. She nods slowly, looking over at Maura. Her voice is low and sexy, and Jane loves when she speaks foreign languages. It's so hot. Maura is so hot, but she's at her hottest when she's underneath Jane.

Jane rolls on top of her so easily that Maura's already thrusting up at her. But this time Jane is leaning down and kissing her. Jane is holding her tenderly. Jane is pulling off her tank top and sliding Maura's buttons undone, she is pressing her bare skin against Maura like she's one of those animals that breathe through their skin and Maura is oxygen to her. Jane checks in with her as her hand crawls down Maura's strong abdomen.

"You know I love you?" Jane says, then shakes her head. "I mean, I do. I love you. I've missed you. I'm really, really into you."

"Not quite," Maura says, and tilts herself up against Jane's questing fingers until they slide home, Maura as always wet enough to take as much of Jane as she can. Jane's palm rubs the little circles that drive Maura wild and her fingertips brush slowly against the wet warmth of her, against the softness that makes Maura sob as she comes in Jane's arms, Jane kissing her gently, brushing her tears away, holding her as she moves against Jane until she stills and pulls Jane closer. "I owe you two."

"You owe me a new mattress; we've ruined this one."

Maura chuckles, and Jane knows everything is going to be okay.

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