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theadventurousdork · 4 years ago

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Dani Clayton and Jamie Taylor: A scene by scene study on the dynamism of a queer romance

by theadventurousdork

Well, here we are! An unnecessarily long essay breaking down Dani and Jamie’s scenes together that I decided to write purely for the fact that they have taken a hold of my queer little heart and haven’t given it back yet. Grab some awful tea or coffee and take a read, if you’d like!

Episode One

In this episode, we see Dani and Jamie meet for the very first time. This is the beginning of them and their story. It all starts in the kitchen of Bly Manor where a dirt covered Jamie walks in just in time for the residents of Bly to gather for an afternoon lunch.

“The gardener didn’t even introduce herself to the new au pair. She barely acknowledged her at all. Simply treated her as if she’d always been there. The others in the room just assumed they’d already met, which, if she were honest, was how the au pair felt when she first saw the young woman.”

Jamie walks in without even batting an eye to the new guest meanwhile, we see a soft eyed Dani looking over at the gardener with a gaze that gives the audience the first look to the gravitational pull that seems to be set between them. With Dani explaining her belief that she has seen someone on the parapet of the old wing, Jamie’s reaction is cold. She looks down at the table with a hardened look. She looks almost hurt. We learn later on that Jamie was the first adult resident of Bly to find the dead body of Rebecca Jessel floating in the lake of the manor which has probably resulted in trauma for Jamie as she remembers her late friend. With Owen and Hannah also finding the possibility of someone being on the balcony to be slim, the residents carry on with their meal. As the introduction to Jamie’s character, we are able to see her cold and guarded exterior. However, we also see her wit and humor as she comfortably pokes fun at Miles and Flora. The space she takes when she walks into a room isn’t empty for she fills it with her bold personality and Dani immediately takes notice of this yet she doesn’t show any hint of openly acknowledging it.

Episode Two

Episode two sheds a different light on the pairing. This episode gives us the first look at Dani’s trauma and the weight that she’s feeling on her conscience. But first, we see her changing the tide at Bly as she puts Miles and Flora to work in the garden as punishment for locking her in a closet. As Dani and the children pull weeds, a relaxed Hannah and Jamie watch from a distance just as Owen offers them drinks. As the trio sip on their gin and tea, they discuss Dani and how her presence is a nice addition to the grounds of Bly. This is where something I call “testing of the waters: part one” occurs. Jamie asks Owen if he thinks that Dani’s pretty before continuing to poke fun at his inability to answer. Now this seems rude, especially considering Hannah’s negative reaction to it even going as far as to remind her that romances don’t fare well at Bly. However, I feel like Jamie does this purposefully to see if Owen would provide any reaction that would indicate that he would have any intent of pursuing Dani, which he quickly shuts down as he states that he only has eyes for Hannah. Jamie’s choice to do this can boil down to a simple poking of fun or maybe something more in terms of her trying to understand, and maybe even deny, the gravitational pull that she’s feeling towards Dani by deflecting it to Owen.

This episode also offers the first glimpse into Jamie’s humanity and her deeply empathetic nature. As a distressed Dani storms outside in tears after being triggered from seeing her dead ex-fiancé’s glasses, our favorite gardener comes to the rescue with buckets in hand. Now this is probably the first time that Dani has physically seen Edmund’s glasses since she packed them away before leaving Bly which can explain her intense reaction to finding Flora wearing them. The part to highlight about this interaction between Jamie and Dani isn’t the fact that Jamie tries to console her but is the way that she does so. First and foremost, the gardener tries to make au pair laugh. She makes multiple attempts in her dialogue to make Dani crack the slightest smile. Jamie’s dialogue saying, “there we are,” after Dani finally gives into the attempted jokes shows how laughter was Jamie’s initial goal.

“How else do you think I keep all these fucking plants watered? With my endless well of deep inconsolable tears. That’s how. It’s what got me the job in the first place.”

After she accomplishes this, she goes on to relate to Dani by telling her that she cries several times a day in an effort to make Dani feel normal and not alone in her vulnerable state. To see someone as cold and guarded as Jamie admit to something like this quickly humanizes her and puts her in the position of becoming a dynamic character. Finally, Jamie tells the au pair that she’s doing a great job and leaves a smiling Dani to watch her as she leaves. This offers insight to how Jamie doesn’t like seeing people in distress. She radiates a grounding energy and puts it upon herself to ensure that no one feels like they’re in over their head.

Dani is able to return the favor as she finds an angry Jamie kneeled over a massacre of her rose bushes. Jamie’s hotheaded attitude is shown as she wastes no time getting up to confront Miles for cutting her roses before they were ready. The point to highlight in this moment is that Dani hears her out. Dani listens to Jamie’s grievances and not once tells her that she’s overreacting. Dani hasn’t known Jamie for long but she knows the importance of plants to the gardener and she doesn’t give Miles a pass at ruining something that matters so much to her. Having two separate scenes showing that each half of the pair have the power to talk each other down regardless of having known each other long, serves as a taste as what’s to come for their journey together.

Episode Three

Here we see “testing of the waters: part two” as the keepers of Bly watch over a sleeping Miles and Flora by a crackling fireplace. A tired Hannah rests her head on Owen’s shoulder as Dani and Jamie watch from across the room. Jamie goes onto ask Dani if she wishes she were leaning on Owen instead of Hannah and explains how every woman in town fawns over Owen without him even knowing it. This key moment goes hand in hand with Jamie’s testing of the waters in episode 2 when she tests Owen’s potential attraction to Dani to now testing to see if Dani would be interested in Owen. Jamie’s subtle comments allow her to see the odds of Dani liking Owen without risking any awkward interaction that would potentially be too invasive. With Owen being the only man in the house, it’s understandable for Jamie to want to see if Dani would pursue him which in turn would signal that Dani may not be interested in someone like her.

What comes next is what I like to believe is the moment that Jamie begins to fall for Dani and I mean really fall for her. The conversation about love and possession is beautifully done and sets the distinction that will go onto separate Peter and Rebecca from Dani and Jamie. After a vindictive history lesson on the toxicity of Peter and Rebecca’s relationship, Jamie mentions the idea of loving someone versus possessing someone to which Dani replies that she doesn’t believe should be possible. The effect of this is seen on Jamie’s face as she looks at Dani. It’s a face that says that she’s staring at someone who understands. Understands the fragility of love and the thin lines that separate healthy versions of love from toxic ones. It happens in the span of a second but we can see a switch click in Jamie’s mind just before she breaks her gaze. From what we collect of Jamie’s past a few episodes later, we come to understand that she has always been owned. Stemming from a broken home and growing up in the foster care system, Jamie has always been someone else’s possession to claim ownership of but never was truly loved and nurtured. To hear someone finally understand that there’s a distinction between loving someone versus feeling like they have the right of possessing them, must feel like a moment of overdue comfort.

After a restless night due to seeing Edmund’s ghost again, Dani wakes up the following morning to see Jamie asleep on the couch. This scene lasts merely thirty seconds so why make the choice to keep it in? What significance does it really hold? Is there any significance at all? For me, the significance is comfort. I feel like there’s a level of comfort that Dani feels when she realizes that Jamie was just down the stairs as she laid awake the night prior feeling as if she were alone in the depths of her own shadows.

The new day ends in the tragic news that Owen’s mom has passed away. After a sympathetic Hannah sends Owen off and leaves to light a candle for the deceased, the gardener and au pair are left to give their own goodbyes to each other. As Dani voices that she’s glad that Jamie stayed on the grounds throughout the day and the night prior, Jamie agrees and the two share an uninterrupted gaze at one another. Here is where we see Dani’s first advance as she takes hold of Jamie’s hand. Ever so slightly does Jamie latch back before Dani quickly pulls away.

“Who the hell knew?”

Those words leave Jamie’s mouth as a mixture of relief and shock paint her face as she gets into her car. Dani watches her drive away with an expression that reads “did I really do what I think I just did?” This moment is cut short as she turns around to see Edmund’s ghost staring blankly from behind her. Fear overcomes Dani and a scream is let out as Edmund gets sucked backwards by an invisible force. Up until this point, Edmund’s ghost has remained stagnant, either appearing in a reflection or in parts. This extreme motion of getting pulled backward into the manor can be read as a way to reflect the intensity of the emotions that Dani is feeling in that exact moment. The amount of tension that Dani must have felt to muster up the courage to reach for Jamie’s hand must have been extremely intense which in turn would evoke an intense manifestation of Edmund’s ghost.

Episode Four

Episode four is what I call the episode of guilt. In this hour, we delve deeper into Dani’s past and the darkness that she’s been holding in her heart. Dani’s life just before Bly is revealed and we see snippets of her life with Edmund. From childhood best friends to teenage lovers to getting engaged, Dani and Edmund almost seemed like the perfect set up to an 80s romcom. Almost is the key word here as it’s revealed that Dani breaks up with Edmund just before he storms out of their car into the path of an oncoming truck, killing him right in front of her thus revealing why Edmund is haunting her. Flashforward to Bly, Dani has begun to see Edmund’s ghost more and more. His first appearance in the episode is in Dani’s bedroom mirror just as Jamie helps unzip her dress. If it weren’t apparent in the episodes prior, Dani holds an immense amount of guilt. This guilt doesn’t only stem from being the reason why Edmund was killed but also lies in who she is. Edmund’s presence is symbolic for the guilt that Dani feels whenever she is just on the brink of exploring her sexuality. We see that every interaction that Dani has with Edmund’s ghost occurs just after she shares a moment with Jamie. With Jamie being a tangible representation of what Dani desires, her visions of Edmund become more intense and more frequent as her guilt increases.

The episode continues to show Dani experiencing Edmund’s haunting again when Jamie arrives back to the manor after attending Owen’s mom’s funeral. Here we see Dani catching herself staring at Jamie from across the table. When Jamie catches her gaze, Dani retreats to the sink where we see a mixture of nervousness and excitement across Dani’s face as she looks over her shoulder to take one more look. This moment filled with butterflies and yearning is cut short as Edmund’s hands slide across Dani’s hips as she sees him in a reflection which causes her to panic. Edmund’s presence is growing closer and stronger as Dani has begun to navigate her feelings for Jamie.

In a flashback, we get a glimpse into possibly one of the first times that Dani’s internal conflict of her sexuality crosses her mind. As Dani gets a dress fitted, the female tailor makes flirtatious passes at her. We see Dani acknowledge these advances and isn’t opposed to them occurring. The scene switches to a guilt stricken Dani, her eyebrows furrowed above saddened eyes that wander upward to Jamie who’s helping prep the table for dinner. This quick glance up to Jamie holds so much. The internal turmoil that Dani is feeling in this moment is palpable. To think that all of her moments of repression have led up to this. This feeling of wanting. This feeling of yearning. To live openly and authentically as the person she’s always been.

Later that night, the keepers of Bly hold a bonfire to honor those that they’ve lost. A weight can be felt on the four as they remember their late loved ones by the warmth of the fire. The concept of found family lies in the heart of those who find a home at Bly and can be seen through Hannah and Jamie’s odes to the late Rebecca, Dominic, and Charlotte.

“Because from here on in, the shadows get deeper… the nights get longer. We’re heading into the dark and we have to hang onto each other. So, we can only carry so much.”

As they commemorate who they’ve lost, Jamie mentions Dani and how she believes that Dani is the key to getting Miles and Flora back to themselves. A moment of pain rushes across Dani’s face as Jamie states how she believes that Dani is stronger than she thinks. To be in the midst of an internal conflict yet hear how someone believes in your strength can be something so painful to hear as you struggle to believe it yourself. We see Dani in a battle with herself as she fights to live authentically regardless of the guilt she’s carrying.

Eventually, the gardener and the au pair break away from Owen and Hannah to go to the greenhouse. A pivotal moment in the growth of Dani and Jamie’s relationship occurs here when Dani makes the decision to lay everything out on the table for Jamie and finally explain her history with Edmund as well as sometimes seeing his ghost.

“I’ve never told anybody that.”

These words that leave Dani’s mouth are so intimate and so vulnerable. Jamie takes what she’s being dealt and handles it with such a level of care that ensures that Dani knows that she’s being heard and respected. As we’ve seen Jamie talk Dani down from a breakdown in episode 2, we see a parallel here where Jamie takes it upon herself to make Dani laugh in an effort to console her. This moment is cut short as Dani musters the courage to ask the heartbreaking question that allows Jamie to make the decision whether to take or leave Dani and all of her baggage.

“Think I’m crazy?”

The pain in Dani’s face as she asks this shows just how scared she is to be rejected by the one person she wants the most. Without even a hint of hesitation, Jamie reassures her that nothing has changed in her view of Dani’s strength. A wave of relief comes over Dani as she’s hit her tipping point of acting upon the feelings she’s been suppressing all this time. She kisses Jamie and a moment of vulnerability is shown on Jamie’s face as she gets the confirmation that Dani is sure in her decision to do this. This moment is short lived by Edmund’s ghost appearing just behind Jamie, causing Dani to retreat in a panic. This is probably the worst cockblock in the history of cockblocks. Dani quickly retreats as Jamie mirrors her actions and immediately puts her walls back up as embarrassment sinks into them both in different directions. As the pair make it back to Hannah and Owen, Dani is visibly disappointed with how things ended up. Jamie’s comment of “it’s all good” as she guides Owen away from the bonfire shows how she would prefer to move on right away instead of confronting the confusing messages she’s just received from Dani.

The final scene of the episode is what I like to call Dani’s last straw. Dani’s guilt has turned to anger as she makes the decision to confront her own shadows by throwing Edmund’s glasses into the bonfire. Flashbacks of kissing Jamie intercut the scene to really solidify Dani’s desires to move on and be able to freely love her without the burden of her past.

“It’s just you and me then.”

Dani is tired. She’s waited for this moment. She’s finally accepted this part of her and she stares straight into Edmund’s ghost without any more fear. She’s found the strength to move on.

Episode Six

The sponsor of this episode is cement as Dani and Jamie cement their relationship in this hour. The episode begins with Dani’s attempt at reconciliation after the unfortunate cockblock of a certain dead ex-fiancé in episode four. Dani wakes up at the crack of dawn to visit Jamie in her greenhouse. Dani’s entire existence in this moment is ridden with nervousness as she puts on her best “everything is normal” face. Jamie is quick to notice how out of character waking up this early is for Dani to which Dani dismisses. We see that Jamie’s cold and guarded exterior is back and for good reason considering the unfortunate events at the end of her and Dani’s last interaction. Dani’s eagerness to patch things up puts her through several attempts at getting a reaction out of Jamie, each of which ends up being shut down. First is the gesture of giving Jamie coffee which results in her gently spitting it back into the cup. Next is Dani’s attempt at voicing how lonely she’s been.

“No Owen. No you.”

Dani’s voice drags on a little longer here to emphasize how Jamie’s absence the last few days have created a noticeable emptiness at the manor. Jamie responds with a simple “sometimes people wanna be alone” which seems like her own personal choice. However, Dani finally gets a reaction through Jamie’s icy exterior when she makes her laugh after a terrible attempt at a British accent. This mirrors the other instances prior where Jamie has made the effort to make Dani laugh in order to ease any emotional tension. After the ice has been broken, we see Dani’s first wind of confidence as she asks Jamie out to a boring ol’ date at a boring ol’ pub. We can see relief and a sense of pride strewn across Dani’s face when Jamie catches her drift. This marks the beginning of a fresh start for the two.

The next time we see the pair is in the kitchen as Jamie surprises Dani by coming back to the manor after initially leaving.

“Made it halfway home and I thought ‘rough day, maybe Poppins might fancy a little boredom.’”

Dani’s shocked excitement quickly turns into awkward nervousness as Hannah and Owen wave them away to spend time together. Jamie gently takes Dani’s hand and guides her out of the room. This presents the reaffirmation that Jamie still cares enough to try again with Dani.

The gardener leads the au pair somewhere off on the grounds of Bly to a secret area where moonflowers have bloomed. She explains how difficult they are to grow in England and how fragile their lifespan is.

“That’s a lot of work for a flower that only blooms once.”

“That’s what people feel like to me. Exhaustive effort, very little to show for it.”

“All of them?”

“All of them. Even you. Even me… especially me.”

Jamie’s emphasis on herself shows her insecurity of not being enough after anyone makes the effort to break down her walls and gets to know who she really is. What follows is a tear-jerking speech that gives insight on Jamie’s past and her painful upbringing. From the details of her childhood like growing up in a broken home, being forced into foster care, and serving time in jail, we begin to understand why she puts such a strong, guarded front. The absence of a family unit in her youth and young adulthood has resulted in her feeling like she may be unlovable. Like she might not be worth the effort of loving. Just as Dani did in episode four, this is Jamie laying everything out on the table for Dani to decide whether or not she will take or leave Jamie and all of her baggage. After Jamie finishes her monologue, Dani gets up and doesn’t say a word. She takes hold of Jamie and kisses her. No words can alleviate the pain that Jamie’s endured but the effort of loving her can be a start. Dani pulls away for a brief moment to reveal a relieved Jamie smiling back at her after she has realized that Dani has chosen to accept her for everything that she is.

The next scene they have together is the morning after Dani finally gets her first restful night’s sleep.

“The au pair could not remember that last time she’d slept this well. And she thought perhaps she never had.”

The moment to highlight in this short scene is Dani stopping to look at herself in the mirror. She is finally able to see her truest self without being haunted of guilt. She smiles as she looks at her reflection and to a sleeping Jamie in the bed next to her. She’s finally made peace with herself.

The final Dani and Jamie scene of the episode occurs at the end of the day just as Dani puts Flora to bed. Here we see the purity in the relationship that the two are creating. We see Dani unapologetically long for Jamie as she says she’s going to leave for the night. The au pair’s subtle look at the gardener’s lips as she speaks and the inching closer and closer to her shows just how high Dani’s confidence levels have risen to after being able to finally love freely. To see Dani in such a smitten state of mind is a breath of fresh air for not only herself but for us, the viewers, who have seen her in such a trapped state of mind when it comes to loving someone. The innocence of longing, in tandem of making the promise of spending other nights together, show how much care and caution they are taking in order to ensure that they’re building their relationship in a healthy manner. What they are both experiencing shows a trade off of what they each have to give to the other. Dani has accepted her sexuality, which is something that seems like Jamie has already done long ago. Meanwhile, Jamie is being loved and wanted, potentially for the first time which is something that Dani has already experienced in her past. Each half of the pairing offers support and guidance to the other as they begin their journey as a couple.

Episode Nine

This final episode of the season was an absolute doozy in terms of Dani and Jamie’s relationship. I’ve watched all of these scenes a solid million times over and I bawl my eyes out every. damn. time. But I mopped up my tear-soaked notebook and carried on for the purpose of this essay. The episode picks up action as Flora sacrifices herself to save Dani from being dragged and choked to death by Viola, the Lady of the Lake. As Jamie and Owen arrive back at the manor after both having awful dreams, they briefly see Hannah as she says that they’re needed at the lake. Jamie bolts the second she hears Dani yelling. She knows Dani’s in trouble and wastes absolutely zero time trying to find her. Jamie yells Dani’s name and you can feel that her sense of urgency has one goal in mind: save Dani.

“It’s you. It’s me. It’s Us.”

Viola has accepted the au pair’s offer. Besides Flora, Jamie is the only witness to see Dani’s last moment of belonging to only herself. From this point on, the darkness begins to fester deep within Dani’s soul and Jamie must live knowing that there was nothing that she could do as she watched Dani let part of herself go to let Viola in. Jamie runs into the lake as Dani’s trauma starts almost immediately. Her breathing is quickened, and she can’t stop repeating those final words that she felt deep in her bones. The gardener holds the au pair and takes one look at her as she already notices the effects of trauma. Dani’s darting eyes are panicked as she struggles to register that Jamie is there with her. Her breathing finally slows as Jamie holds her close in her attempts to calm her down. Jamie is Dani’s grounding force in this moment. Dani has finally freed the ghosts of Bly but at the cost of her own self. Her own life for the souls of the others.

The following scene highlights the days following the incident at the lake, immediately starting with Jamie and Owen looking into the well to find Hannah’s dead body. I wanted to highlight this moment just for the sake of Jamie for she has been there to witness all the deaths of her loved ones firsthand. She was the first adult to find Rebecca in the lake, one of the first to find Hannah in the well, and the first to see Dani die in more ways than one. She just can’t seem to catch a break but after all… death is beautiful, it’s natural.

Jamie finds Dani as she packs away her things however, Dani’s mind appears to be somewhere else. Darkness has begun to burrow itself into Dani’s soul. She’s shaking. She’s terrified. She’s mourning the loss of herself.

“I feel her. In here. It’s so quiet, it’s so quiet, but she’s in here. And this part of her that’s in here, it isn’t… peaceful.”

Dani explains how Viola’s presence feels like a beast waiting for her in a thick jungle. She feels hopeless again but this time feels heavier than all the rest. She has something to lose here now. She has a relationship with Jamie to lose, she has an entire life to lose. It isn’t as simple as feeling the guilt of losing someone or the guilt of loving someone. This feeling isn’t human, this feeling of dread goes beyond what the stages of grief entails. Where is she to go if she can’t go within herself to find peace?

“She’s gonna take me.”

A tear falls down Jamie’s face as these heavy words fall out of Dani’s mouth. This is the first hint of Jamie losing Dani. The fear of the inevitable fills the room with such a weight that no words can alleviate Dani’s pain. Yet Jamie tries. She tries her damn best. She offers her company with the seal of a pinky promise. She gives all that she can offer: herself and her love. Dani’s feeling of darkness doesn’t have to be lonely this time.

After a final goodbye to Henry, Miles, and Flora, the gardener and the au pair set off to start their lives together as the image of Bly fades away into the distance. Their life together starts at a diner as Jamie plans their course of action, hoping to end up in Vermont to see snow by Christmas. Here we see Dani looking at her own reflection in the tableside jukebox before stopping Jamie as she worries that they’re planning too far ahead. Dani’s cautious. She doesn’t want to get either of their hopes up.

“One day at a time is fine by me. As long as those days are with you, Poppins. One day at a time is what we’ve got.”

There’s a brightness in these words which in turn reflect onto them. There’s a light in this moment that shows that they haven’t lost their footing yet. And thus begins the final climb to their highest point before the tragedy that lies ahead occurs. We flashforward to a year later to The Leafling, the flower shop that the pair have opened up together. Dani is still Dani and Jamie is still Jamie but more in love this time than the last time and the time before that.

“You see, I’m not sick of you. At all. I’m actually pretty in love with you, it turns out.”

Here we see the reintroduction of the moonflower. The symbol of Jamie and Dani’s love. The last time we saw the moonflower was back when the pair finally made the choice to accept one another and start their relationship. This time, we see the moonflower one last time as Jamie chooses to solidify their love by finally breaking the big L word.

A montage ensues of the gardener and the au pair’s life together. Years have passed and peace was just finally in their grasp. Or so it seemed. This feeling of fluttering innocence is put to a halt as Dani sees Viola’s reflection in the door of the flower shop. Dani stops in her tracks as she stares at the reflection, her face is still as she stands in a quiet shock. That is until she sees Jamie through the door, smiling at her with such a playful gaze. This instance shows yet again that Jamie is Dani’s grounding force even after all this time and Dani’s own reflection returns not even a second later. This is a moment for the audience to take a peek into Jamie’s importance in Dani’s life, especially at a point that something so vengeful is making its way to the surface. To see Jamie’s smiling face cut through the image of the beast in the jungle, we can’t help but feel the same pain yet also the sense of relief that Dani must feel in this moment. Although Dani returns to herself, we can’t help but feel Viola’s presence looming.

The scene that follows is another significant milestone in Dani and Jamie’s journey together as Dani comes back home with a dying plant that’s concealing an engagement ring. Above the surface, Dani has put the ring in a dying plant because she knew that Jamie would waste no time investigating how to save it. But this can also be interpreted in relation to Jamie’s moonflower speech where she says “every living thing grows out of every dying thing” to show how their relationship is taking the next step of growth as she pulls the ring out of a dying plant. The ring itself is a traditional Irish Claddagh ring, which shows how Dani did her research and chose a ring specific to Jamie’s northern heritage. The hands that make the band of the ring represents friendship, while the heart representing love, and the crown representing loyalty. These representations are fitting for the relationship that the pairing has created and for Dani’s proposal speech.

“Here’s the thing - you’re my best friend and the love of my life. And I don’t know how much time we have left but however much it is, I wanna spend it with you.”

The thing to highlight about Dani and Jamie’s relationship is that it runs on Dani’s timeline which is something that is so important to showcase, especially considering how Edmund had made almost all the choices for her in her previous engagement. Jamie understands this and has always insured that Dani felt comfortable before progressing further into their relationship together. In this moment, Jamie finally has a promise of love while Dani has security in the person she loves the most. As Jamie accepts her proposal and the two share a moment of celebration, Dani’s face of worry as she hugs Jamie shows that she feels an inability to be fully happy. She’s unable to fully give herself to Jamie in this moment which in turn shows how Viola’s presence is getting closer and getting darker.

We jump slightly forward in time to the pair visiting Owen’s aptly named restaurant, A Batter Place. After a moment of remembrance for Hannah, Dani looks into the reflection of a metal water pitcher to see Viola’s reflection yet again. Dani’s face is surprised by this sight, but she keeps it quietly to herself as to not ruin the moment of reunion. If we compare this instance to the first time Dani looked at her reflection at the tableside jukebox at the diner years prior, we can see that this moment is filled with much more darkness. The light that used to be inside of her is dimming. Although Jamie is holding her and is physically next to her in this moment, she doesn’t cut through the darkness anymore. Jamie’s power as a grounding force is dimming as well.

“So, they’re all happy?”

The inflection in Dani’s voice here is so subtle that only Jamie takes notice of it. Jamie looks at Dani and senses that something has gone off in her. Owen continues to explain how Miles and Flora have no recollection of the events that took place at Bly. No recollection of the sacrifice that Dani made to save them.

“So, if they don’t remember Hannah…they don’t remember…”

Dani’s voice trails off here. She looks down and is caught in the bitter realization that her sacrifice has been forgotten. This feeling of a looming darkness, this feeling of living a life that’s ticking down to her own demise… was it worth it? Jamie can feel Dani’s pain immediately as her eyes stayed glued on Dani who’s trying to see if there would be any way to remind Miles and Flora about what she did. The gardener stares at au pair without breaking away and in this instant, we can see that, along with Dani, Jamie is breaking too. Breaking under the burden of knowing that she can’t take Dani’s pain away.

The scene that follows shows Dani washing dishes where she sees Viola again in the water. She panics and finally admits to Jamie that she’s been seeing her more and more. The tension that was present between them moments earlier immediately fades away as Jamie wastes no time in trying to console Dani. Jamie’s blind optimism here has a slight tinge of desperation as she refuses to let Dani slip away into the abyss that’s growing stronger and stronger. Dani’s interaction with Viola’s reflection in this moment sets off an alarm bell within her, unlike the other times where she sat quietly and dealt with it on her own. This is Dani’s tipping point. The highest level of fear is felt as the reality is beginning to sink in that the beast is coming for her. Another thing to note here is that even after all these years, Jamie still makes the conscious effort to make Dani laugh.

“I’ll do the washing up from now on, yeah? You’re shit at it anyway.”

Dani can’t help but give the smallest laugh, but it’s more than enough for Jamie. Through Jamie’s optimism, we have begun to see that she’s not only consoling Dani but also herself as she tries to convince both of them that they can have so much more time together. The episode continues on with the train of heartbreak as Jamie comes home after receiving civil union paperwork for her and Dani. What comes next is what I feel like is the most heartbreaking Dani moment in the entire series. Dani stares deep into an overflowing bathtub where an ominous Viola stares back at her. Jamie is quick to bring Dani back to reality but Dani has lost her footing. Her hold on Viola has flipped to Viola having a hold on her.

“It’s like every day I feel myself fading away, but I’m still here, and… I don’t really understand how that is.”

The fear has withered away into emptiness as Dani struggles to stay afloat. We see Jamie so pained as she watches the light fade into a grey nothingness as she listens to Dani talk about how she is beginning to lose herself to the beast.

“I’m not even scared of her anymore. I just stare at her, and it’s getting harder and harder to see me.”

To listen to the love of her life slip away through her fingers has Jamie in a phase of denial as she continuously refuses to let Dani break apart. We see the gardener’s optimism wavering as she tries her best to help the au pair hold onto herself. Dani’s voice as she says Jamie’s name is filled with nothing but pure hopelessness and despair as she dips further and further into uncertainty. Yet Jamie doesn’t lose hope. Jamie would never give up on Dani as she repeats the words she told Dani in the diner all those years ago.

“One day at a time.”

However, Jamie has run out of answers. She can only offer comfort now.

Next we see Dani hit her lowest low as she is taken over by Viola and awakes to see that she almost strangled Jamie to death in their sleep. Dani is shocked and broken as she sits in the disbelief of what she almost did. The time has come. The beast has arrived. Viola has waited years until Dani was so broken down and so vulnerable, that she would finally be able to take her. However, we can’t help but believe that Dani fought off Viola this long thanks to the love her and Jamie shared.

The gardener wakes up the following morning to find an empty space next to her. She reaches to the empty space in the bed and then for the note left on the bedside table. It can only mean one thing: her biggest fear has come to light. With her strong will and determination, Jamie gives one final push and flies back across the pond to Bly to face what she’s been in fear of all this time. The amount of immense grief that is felt in this moment, to be at the same place that the love of her life began to be taken away from her all those years ago, must be incredibly damaging. The manor holds so much of Jamie’s life. She found her family there. She created a beautiful garden on those grounds. Her and Dani’s love blossomed on the same grounds that she first began to lose her that night at the lake. Jamie storms off to the edge of the water. Her face is so tired. She already knows what she’s going to find and yet she still doesn’t lose the hope that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be true.

“The gardener said the words she’d heard those years ago; she willed it with everything she had. You, me, us. Us. ‘Take me with you,’ she cried in her heart. ‘Take me. Drag me down like you did the others.’ But the lady in the lake was different now – the lady in the lake was also Dani. And Dani wouldn’t. Dani would never.”

The agony and desperation that we see Jamie endure in the moments that we see her find Dani laying at the very bottom of the lake is a type of pain that is unmatched from any other moment of pain that we’ve seen this season. Her muffled screams as she takes a hold of her heart, only to let her arms go in despair under the water is something so haunting yet so unbelievably moving to see her love so much considering how far she’s come from the cold and guarded gardener we saw all the way back in episode one. She would’ve given up everything. Absolutely everything to take Dani’s place. Given up everything to join Dani at the bottom of the lake. Unlike Peter with Rebecca, Dani could never take Jamie down to the depths. Dani could never harm a single soul, let alone the one person that mattered the most to her. By letting Jamie go and taking Viola’s place as the lady of the lake, Dani has broken the cycle of violence that’s haunted the grounds of Bly for centuries. As Jamie was the hero of Dani’s story, Dani will always be the hero to Jamie’s.

The final act of the season ends with an older Jamie finishing her story to the wedding guests.

“She would know nothing of the gardener, nothing of their life together. The details, the specific moments would all fade away. More time will pass, and the water will wash away the delicate features of her; of her beautiful, perfect face. But she won’t be hollow, nor empty. And she won’t pull others to her fate. She will merely walk the grounds of Bly, harmless as a dove, for all of her days. Leaving the only trace of who she once was in the memory of the woman who loved her most.”

We see an older Jamie comfort a teary-eyed Flora who is afraid of the time when she would also lose the love of her life. Jamie comforts her with advice that we can only ever assume she learned in her time with Dani. The final scene shows the gardener’s nightly routine as she stares into reflections, hoping to catch one last glimpse of the au pair. As she drifts away into sleep, a hand wearing a golden wedding ring rests gently on her shoulder. Our haunting love story has come to an end. And the rest? Well the rest… is confetti.

#dani x jamie #dani clayton #jamie taylor #thobm #the haunting of bly manor #damie #amelia eve #victoria pedretti #bly manor

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lara635kookie · 3 years ago

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Ranking the best The 39 Clues books(First season because the other ones just aren't canon in my mind).

SPOILER ALERT!

If you're a Clue Hunter and is reading this post, when you finish it reblog it and do your ranking of The First Season books(please I need to know I'm not alone on this fandom)(Please someone tell me I didn't get to this fandom too late). Also this is only my opinion. If you think different feel free to share your thoughts(respectly). So let's go:

My Personal Favorites:

10-Beyond The Grave(Book Four written by Jude Watson):

Honestly this book is overall good and I really wanted to go Egypt but that's only in this place because Ian and Natalie don't show up in person, they're only mentioned by Amy and Dan sometimes. It may seem like a stupid reason but Ian and Natalie were the biggest enemies of Amy and Dan, arch-enemies since the two understand themselves by person and their appearances have always been so iconic, the chases, the talks, the fights, the teasing so the fact they weren't in this book just didn't feel right. The Cahills and the Kabras have a lot of chemistry, both as enemies and as much something more(if you get me, lovers cough cough), and the Kabras have been sorely missed in this book(at least by me).

9-The Emperor's Code(Book Eight written by Gordon Korman):

I don't know compared to the other ones, this one just look kinda forgettable. Maybe because Amy and Dan spend a good part of this book apart. But of course the story has its good moments which are when Dan gives an autograph for a girl (D. Cahill is priceless), when Dan tells the Wizards that he is a Madrigal (as we say in Brazil: Iconic, Memorable and Timeless) (Dan was very amazing in this book, if you disagree, disagree in silence) and when Amy saves Ian(aka Love of her life) from falling off Mount Everest.

8-The Viper's Nest(Book Seven written by Peter Lerangis):

I love that one but the other ones are just better. I like the ending with Isabel(and everyone) thinking that the Clue was Diamond and It wasn't. I also like the scenes with Kurt because I wanted Ian to meet him and Kurt make Ian jealous of Amy(don't judge my dreams). Another thing that I really like is the history. I really like studying history and I learnt so much about Shaka Zulu. And was also with that book that I realized that Isabel had arrived to stay and that she would be the Main Villain in the end somehow. Maybe That's another reason why I don't like much The Emperor's Code:Isabel didn't show up and I thought she would appear in all the other books after In Too Deep. Natalie on Storm Warning said that Isabel didn't trust Ian and her to handle the Hunt without Isabel anymore since Russia so that just doesn't make sense. Maybe she didn't appearead to give Cora Wizard the spotlight but anyway let's continue.

7-The Black Circle(Book Five written by Patrick Carman):

I love this one so much. Probably because in this book we see that Ian is also in love with Amy. On Book three he seemed to like her but then he and Natalie let Amy, Dan and Alistair locked on the cave and we only see Amy Side of this story. Her sadness. But we didn't know if Ian was sorry, if he regreted his actions. And when they come back on this book we see Ian still likes Amy and the fandom goes crazy. I mean even if you are a Jamy/Carian shipper or shipps another shipp you probably shipped Amyan before because they were the only promising couple on the series(at least on series one). Back to the book I Love The Holts defeating the Kabras and Amy and Dan doing an Alliance with Hamilton(Dan envying Hamilton for driving a Kamaz will be Forever iconic). Also this book was when I realized Irina wasn't bad. I didn't like her in the other books and I didn't notice much of her but everything changed on this book and I started to love her. * sad sigh * Moving on!

6-The Maze of Bones(Book One written by Rick Riordan):

Uncle Rick(we call him like that on Brazil, in portuguese is Tio Rick) did a really great job on this one. For a series that has several authors writing, the beginning is very important and it is a great responsibility for the first author because those who will write later have to understand what you wanted to convey in the beginning to make a coherent continuation. Rick Riordan did it flawlessly. We can identify ourselves in the characters and we get really connected to the plot, the history, the riddles about Benjamin Franklin and after finishing the book we wanna know more about what happens next. So Rick Riordan absolutely slayed this introduction and no one can tell me otherwise.

5-One False Note(Book Two written by Gordon Korman):

This book is just unforgivable. I love this with all my soul. Probably because It talks about Mozart and his history and I really love arts. Also because the writing of this book is so satisfactory and so well done. I mean I really thought Fidelio Racco was a real person. What I also love about that book is the fact that every character get to shine. Amy and Dan are the Main characters but the appearences of all the other characters are really remarkable so yeah That's it. Deserves this spot on the Top 5 for sure.

4-In Too Deep(Book Six written by Jude Watson):

Going now to the four horsemen of the apocalypse from the best books of The 39 Clues. In Too Deep It's just something so perfect It's inexplicable. Something I don't like much about In Too Deep is that when Isabel was fighting to Irina and Ian and Natalie were watching Natalie was like:Irina is going to get Shoot on the head, That's gonna be so good. Like she wanted Isabel to do this, like she would be disappointed if she didn't, like she was used to seeing this type of thing. Then, In Storm Warning she was soft like:Not blood. It's so repulsive(several authors series problem but the series is good anyway). About that book I love the start, I love the middle, I love the apex and If It wasn't for Irina's death in the end this would probably be even higher than already is. Why Irina, Jude? Also:Why Pony? Why Erasmus? Why McIntyre? Why Alistair? Why Lester? Why Natalie? Why Evan? Why everyone? Why not Jake or Cara? Back to the story Jude Watson is Just a genius for transforming a dream(or a nightmare) in Isabel Kabra and adding her to the book. I don't wanna cry today so I'm just going for the next one.

3-The Sword Thief(Book Three written by Peter Lerangis):

If this book was a part The Plastics of Mean Girls, The Sword Thief would be Karen Smith of The 39 Clues, because let's face it:Amy and Dan were really dumb of accepting an alliance with Alistair and the Kabras. Principally with the Kabras. I mean they already were kinda used to temporary alliances with Alistair but not Ian and Natalie but they should have expected that It would have been bad on the end. I mean yes they needed Ian's coin to open the cave to find the clue but they look so surprised when Ian and Natalie leaves them on the cave and they shouldn't because that was obvious that they were going to betray them in the final. So they should have accepted the alliance but being more distant to the Kabras and preparing themselves in case they try something(which was obvious they would). But at the same time, I'm glad they didn't because AMYAN IS JUST MY ENTIRE LIFE(And even a little bit of Danatalie this book is Just a masterpiece). Just like In Too Deep, I love everything about that book, except the end. And I am a Kpop fan(not the cringe obssessed type) and I really like to study about North and South Korea and their history but South Korea's caves just left me depressed. I'm gonna cry so let's change the subject.

2-Storm Warning(Book Nine written by Linda Sue Park):

I love everything about this book. Literally everything. The start, the middle, the apex and the end. I love this book mainly because Natalie got the spotlight that she deserved. I don't know why I like Natalie so much since the start. Maybe because when I started Reading the books I was eleven, just like her. And Maybe because she was pretty, rich, savage and sassy wich I always wanted to be. But there is something more that I don't know how to explain that is really relatable about Natalie even with my reality being too different from hers and this book was the confirmation I needed that Natalie would be my favorite character Forever. I Also like it because it happened on Bahamas and Jamaica(two places I really want to go in the future) and It got a lot of revelations and twists in the end(wich I love more than everything on a book). If Storm Warning was a person and slapped my face I would probably say:Thanks, Could you do that again?

1-Into The Gauntlet(Book Ten written by Margaret Peterson Haddix):

I usually don't like the endings of books because I'm sad that it's over and as all the other books were good I usually demand a lot from the endings, even more than the beginnings (for me the final impression is the one that stays, not the first). I generally like the endings but I've never looked at a ending book and said: This one overcomes all the other books. I normally like more the start or the middle books. But man Into The Gauntlet caught me off guard. DoD is already a trash ending, comparing to Into The Gauntlet, DoD(fanfiction-forced-canon) seems even worse(if That's even possible). Everything about that book It's just top-notch, high quality, god tier, flawlessly perfect. Stan Haddix. We believe in Into The Gauntlet Supremacy.

It's going to have a part 2. Bye.

#the 39 clues #39 clues #39clues #book ranking #season 1

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coffeesuperhero · 4 years ago

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leverage fic recs

So, I needed a better organizational system than my AO3 bookmarks (boy do I miss delicious!), so I’m just going to start a post for myself here and reblog it occasionally as I add to it. Most (all?) of these are OT3 fics, because I am who I am and I read what I read. If you want non-OT3 fic recs, I am not your person. Probably you have read these, but if you haven’t, what are you waiting for!

Gen:

01. The Fake Geek Boy Job, by shinealightonme. It’s casefic at a fan convention and Eliot has to cosplay. In spandex. Go read it and enjoy yourself, already.

Beautiful shippy fic (everyone is together/small moments/slice of life):

01. The Three Rings Job, by HugeAlienPie. Sophie POV. The OT3 at Nate and Sophie’s wedding, where Nate and Sophie are not aware that there is now an OT3. It’s soft. And so sweet you could serve it as dessert. And it has the best boat name for a Nate and Sophie boat in the world.

02. hacker/hitter/thief/home, by AtlantisRises. A collection of short OT3 fics that hit you just right in the feels, in the best way.

03. Nothing’s Exactly What We Need, by BabylonsFall. The OT3, on vacation.

Everybody is together and also there’s a con:

01. Covenants, Conditions, & Restrictions, by page_runner. We love a good long fic where the OT3 help an old lady and con an HOA, because HOA’s are the worst. This fic also gives me deeply hurt feelings about the team having to leave Portland, which I know in my heart is probably the Way of Things, but which I will never write myself because heartbreak. But this deals with that reality so beautifully, and it’s a good con, too.

Getting together OT3: 01. just want you close, by biblionerd07. Eliot-POV, post-rundown, man am I a sucker for Eliot-POV stories where Parker and Hardison just...love the hell out of him, and this is just a lovely, careful, sweet version of that.

02. international small arms traffic blues, by ftmsteverogers. Eliot POV, character study + get together fic. Makes you very sad for Eliot, and then happier for Eliot. And I’m a sucker for anytime someone has to call Sophie for advice.

03. So Come On, Avalanche, by elysiumwaits. It is Eliot POV snowed-in at a cabin OT3 getting together fic, so idk what more you need to know to read it.

04. Rings a Bell, by venilia. Eliot wakes up with amnesia and thinks he’s married to Hardison and also has a Parker, it’s silly and sweet.

05. The Thunderous Roll of a Tropical Sea (the moonlit memory I can’t seem to lose), by phnelt. **content notes: canon-typical violence + Mature! grown and sexy content ahoy!** I have classified this as a “getting together” story, because ultimately that is what happens, but it’s probably more like “eliot getting his shit together, and now they’re all together,” which is my favorite flavor of OT3 getting together fic, anyway. It starts out a little sad, because gasp! They were together but they split up!! But it has a happy ending. It also has fake marrieds, my favorite trope of all time. Eliot feeding Hardison strawberries and playing with his fake husband on a beach while Parker watches? Please.

06. Happy Meal, by @leiascully Listen, I admit that I am biased, because my wife wrote this for me, but it is this really hilarious flirting-over-the-comms-pre-OT3-sort-of-getting-together story, and I laughed, and it was great, so you should enjoy it, too.

07. Oklahoma’s Next Top Model, by Hedgehog-O-Brien (Roshwen). Hardison POV. This fic has the greatest tag of all time, which is: “Title not entirely accurate bc Eliot's clearly a bottom but who cares“ and I knew I was in good hands solely on that basis before I read a word of the fic. Tbh I put this in this “getting together” category because I feel like it’s heavily implied at the end that there’s a getting together situation happening, but like, that’s not why you read this fic. You read this fic for the ridiculously over the top OT3 photoshoot of your wildest dreams. You will laugh. You will be entertained. Enjoy!

08. Fifty Fake Dates, by calico_fiction. WIP, Hardison POV. nb: This hasn’t been updated in a minute but a) I too have WIPs that take a long-ass time between updates, if this updated in ten years I would still be excited to read it and b) the chapter that’s up is such a delight to me that I really think it’s worth a read even if this is all of this story the author wants to post. It’s a great Hardison POV with some delicious pining and fake Hardison/Eliot dating, which is my jam.

09. For Real, by BurningTea. It’s hard to do an accidental marriage in this canon, but this fic did that! Hardison’s technical expertise goes a bit awry and everybody has to have....a talk. About feelings.

Hurt/comfort:

01. Dig Deep, by BurningTea. Eliot has to dig his own grave and climb into it. It hurts a lot!!!! And then it’s comforting. So, exactly what it says on the tin. Good character observations and nicely written, hurts exactly right and comforts exactly right, too.

Hot (nsfw, 18+, Mature, grown and sexy content for grown and sexy adults):

01. Don’t Come Late, by @leiascully. It’s just...the OT3, having really hot sex. That’s it, that’s the review. (The writing is delightful and there’s like, funny stuff in with the sexy stuff, which is real life and always nice to see, you know?)

02. Take the Leap, by Penknife. Hardison POV, first time OT3 threesome/verbal domination. The characterization in this is just **chef’s kiss** perfection. Funny, and hot. My favorite combo.

03. The Post-Rundown Job, by DelektorskiChick. Eliot POV, demi-Parker, mostly Eliot/Hardison but Parker’s participating in her own way. I’m a sucker for some good sexy post-injury care and this is right after Rundown, so it checks that box big time.

04. In Sync, by monsoon_moon. Eliot POV, first time OT3some.

Character studies:

01. Dawning, by @darkfinch. Eliot POV, mind all the warnings. This (read with its sequel, a WIP linked below) is probably one of my favorite Leverage pieces in existence? It is just the most beautiful, dark, horrible look at Eliot-works-for-Moreau you could hope for, except that also there’s a sequel called Reverberate, and that is also perfect and intense and really digs into what’s happening in Eliot’s mind and life during s3 after Nate drops the “we’re going after Moreau” bombshell. Both of these stories are painfully perfect and believable and real and I love them with my whole heart. The story structure and writing on both of those pieces is just excellent and the characterization is pitch perfect, and along with the stress and trauma you really get some just fantastic character moments. Idky you’re reading my review instead of the story tbh go read that, thanks!

02. Ten Prides in Portland, by @leiascully. I put this as a character study because it is one? It’s about queer shit, and learning to be part of a community of queer people, and learning that you can be a mentor and a role model for other queer people even if you don’t have your own stuff figured out. I am extremely biased because this is my wife and I got to watch this story grow into existence every day, but I think it’s a really beautiful look at the queer community broadly, all the people who fit under the umbrella, and belonging. It’s sweet and funny and beautiful, and I really needed to feel like I was at Pride this year, and this helped.

03. Different, by @leiascully. Hardison POV. Honestly this just made me want to go find baby Hardison and hug him for a really long time.

04. The Twine and the Things We Bind, by @darkfinch. WIP, H/C, big on the H. Parker and Hardison taking care of an extremely fractious, extremely injured Eliot Spencer is my jam.com forever and this is all of that with beautiful characterization and writing. Also some of the best action scenes I’ve read in a while. I do not write action At All and this does it SO WELL.

05. A Kiss for Luck, by AlannaOfRoses. Parker POV. A good look into Parker’s thoughts on luck during the Rundown Job/feelsy flashbacks.

OC/Outsider POV:

01. Let’s Go Steal a Protege, by @innytoes. WIP. Gosh I adore this. It’s found family shenanigans from an outside-the-OT3 perspective. Jamie, the main POV OC (nonbinary rep!!), is a fucking delight of a human and their interactions with the super!married OT3 are all incredible. It is sweet and funny and sometimes sad but almost always in a happy tears kind of way, because it’s about finding a family. And there are so many genuine laugh-out-loud moments in this fic that I reread it a lot lately or think of it when I need something to lift my spirits. (There is a bit in chapter six with some thrift store purchases that I just absolutely lose my shit at every time.) I very badly want this story to just be canon tbh. Petition for that.

AU’s

01. The Out of This World Job (Or, Per Furtum Ad Astra), by pathera. It’s a job, but it’s IN SPACE. Parker, Hardison, & Eliot find a spaceship; shenanigans ensue. Beautifully in character, some poignant character moments, awesome writing, and just a really vivid world.

02. Plastic Pearls, by BabylonsFall. Kidfic! Various POV. Parker and Hardison move in across the hall from single-dad Eliot. I adore this, it is sweet and soft and everything you could hope for in a story where Eliot is raising a smol Molly.

#leverage #Team Leverage OT3 #fic rec #really gotta tag my shit better #RIP del.icio.us you were the best bookmark system

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hiswhiteknight · 4 years ago

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Always - Jamie Reagan

Always - Jamie Reagan One Shot

Here is my first request from @lclb13 - hope you like it! It was my best interpretation!

(I don’t own the characters or gifs)

Warning: Cursing, Woman being attacked

Gif** I got from Tenor, but I couldn’t find the username.

Gif** LauraDunn1 from Tenor app

You hopped out of the shower, drying your hair, before wrapping the towel around your body. With the smile on Jamie’s face, you could tell he was awake, “You should be sleeping,” you sing to him.

He sat up, his hair all messy, “Come here,” he said trying to reach for you.

Taking a few steps, you shake your head, “Oh no, I’m not being late to work again, I know that face.”

Giving you a pouty face, he says, “Please.” You roll your eyes, letting him take your hand, “I can’t sleep when you are being so distracting.” You see the look in his eye and shake your head knowing what he is going to do. He pulled you into the bed, laying on top of you, “What will being a little late hurt?”

He tried to kiss you and you put a finger to his mouth stopping him, “Oh, I don’t know I’m a doctor, so you know death, plague, the works.” Now he is the one shaking his head, “But you sure are cute with your bed head.”

This time he just took the time just to stare at you, love gushing from his eyes, “I’m so lucky to have you,” he murmured, “I’m married to a rock star doctor.”

You put your head to his, “Yeah, I am pretty amazing,” you grin, “But it doesn’t matter how much you butter me up, I am not being late to work today.” You lean down to give him a deep kiss before bolting out from underneath him, “You need to sleep, you can’t protect this great city if you are dead on your feet.”

“Save some lives babe,” he lays back down, watching you finish grabbing your things.

You send him a grin, “Always.”

You loved being an ER doctor, it was fast pace and you had to use your head. There was a fire at a group home, so you were helping triage the victims. Burns were some of the hardest cases to handle. You were sitting with a young man with burns down his forearm, but not much damage like the others, “How’d you get these burns,” you said, trying to peel the fabric from the flesh.

You were getting the feeling something was off, he was fidgety, and you could tell he didn’t want to be there, “I don’t know, the house was on fire, maybe running away.”

“Odd,” you say out loud. You should have just finished your job. You learned in med school, it wasn’t your job to investigate, but being married to a cop and his cop family, it got even harder not to try to connect the dots. “Where these burns are, they-,” before you could finish your sentence the guy cold socked you right in the face. It took your breath away and before you could call for help, he kneed you, and tackled you to the ground. You tried to block your body and fight back, but it only took a few seconds before a guard and nurse saw the commotion and yanked him off you.

You were sitting on a gurney, trying not to be inpatient, “Come on Roxy,” you urged, “Can I be cleared to do my job now?”

“Y/N, you were attacked. Shit, you have a black eye, busted lip, and some bruised ribs. Stop being wonder woman and go home,” she fused over you.

“I’m staying in principle, nurses deal with this crap all the time and are expected to stay,” She continued to monitor your charts, trying to ignore your self-righteous speech, “You get knocked down, you get back up. I’m fine. Let’s go.”

“Y/N,” she said, not looking up from the chart she was scanning. This got your attention, something was up, “Did you know you are pregnant?”

Your eyebrows shot up, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Blood work just came back, do you mind if I do an ultrasound,” she worked quickly, not really waiting for a response. She was one of your best friends, nearly like sisters. She didn’t need your words to know your wishes. Suddenly there was a heartbeat sound, “About 11 weeks,” she said to you, “Babe don’t you monitor your period?”

A hiccup laugh left you mouth, a shot of happiness spiked up your spine, “I’ve just been so busy, make sense with the weight gain. I just assumed it’s was the Reagan Sunday dinner.”

She pointed something out which took your breath away again, “Twins, Y/N, you’re having twins,” she pulled up the ultrasound, “It’s shitty timing for your first ultrasound, but here it is,” she gushed.

She printed out the picture and you just stared at it.

“Two,” you question again.

She wiped off your belly and smiled, “Damn right, go big or go home lovely,” your friend said. Everything was blank, you didn’t know what to say, you were so happy and yet so intimidated, “You’re going to be a great mom,” she said.

You nod, “Thanks, hey do me a favor don’t call Jai-,” you tried to finish before you heard his voice.

“Damn right she called me,” he shouted, “You should have called me,” cupped your cheek examining your face. You hid the picture behind you, shaking off Roxy. You didn’t want Jamie to find out this way, under these circumstances, “I’m going to ignore the fact that I’m freaking pissed for the moment, are you okay?”

You take Jamie’s hand away from you face and hold it tight, “I swear, I’m fine. I just want to get back to work.”

“Look at your face babe,” he whispered.

Everything was interrupted by the yelling voice of Danny from the hall, “You told the family,” you roll your eyes. You look at Roxy, “You are a tattle tale, you know that,” you point at her.

“Hey, I like them to remember times like this when I need help with a speeding ticket,” she smirked.

You saw Frank first, then Pop, and then Erin, “How you are doing Y/N,” Frank asked, “Need anything?”

“Yeah,” you point to the door, “Tell Danny to leave the young man alone, he has a mental illness and needs help. He’ll do his time for his crimes. And Danny is disrupting my hospital.”

“Y/N,” Jamie whines acting annoyed.

“What,” you shoot back. “If this was you, you’d be back on the street within an hour.”

“Okay,” Pop interrupts the argument about to start, “How about we all just focus on Y/N, she doesn’t need any fights or drama right now.”

Roxy stepped in again, “Boss just got back, he says you have to take a few days off and he’ll have to be the one to clear you for duty.”

“Alright, the verdicts in, Y/N your coming with us. We can continue this conversation after we are all calm down,” Erin shared, putting her hand on your knee, “We’ll leave you to get dressed and meet you out by the cars.”

Jamie looked at you, you could tell he felt pretty helpless. And you weren’t ready to break the news to him, not like this.

It’s been two days of laying around the house and having a Reagan take care of you at all time. You and Jamie haven’t spoken much because it usually ends up in an argument. It was a mixture of being treated like you were glass and the fact that you haven’t told Jamie about being pregnant.

It was Sunday evening and you were trying to help with dinner. Danny and Pop were trying to teach you some self-defense moves, but you didn’t pay much attention. You were stuffing your mouth with mashed potatoes when the conversation of your safety became the topic, “Y/N, it can’t hurt to take some self-defense classes.”

“It was one time,” you shoot back.

Jamie looked down at his food, “You tell me all the time that nurses and doctors get attacked, bit, and spit on. It’s not one-time thing.”

You clink your fork down, “If I was a man, would you be having this same conversation with me.”

“Yes,” all the men shout.

Slamming back your chair, you stomp, “Fine, let me go find some defense classes to make the poor men in this group feel better,” and you rush to the study.

Rather than stall, you remember a few of your friends take self defense classes. Within ten minutes, you are talking to the head of the hospital and having them offer a free six-week training for all staff for appropriate self-defense training. You rush back and sliding your chair back, “Happy, the hospital will be offering a six-week self-defense class to all staff who’d like to participate?”

You continue to eat, ignoring the amazement from the people around the room, “You were gone fifteen minutes,” Danny questioned, his tone shocked, “I’d hate to see what you can do in a day.”

“Ya’ll need peace and mind, I’m here to offer you solace in regards to my own safety,” you continue to eat a slice of cake you stole from the kitchen, “But know, I can only do it for so long.”

“Why,” one of the kids asked, “Don’t you want to do it until your good at it.”

“Well Sean, I’ve got another timeline to consider.”

It hit Frank and Erin first, a smile growing on their faces, “A timeline,” Jamie asked, “What haven’t you told me, I don’t know anything about a timeline?”

Sighing, you drop your fork full of cake to reach behind you to your purse. You were acknowledging this was not how you wanted to tell Jamie and the family, but you let your frustrations get the best of you and let you slip out the news. At this point, Danny and Pops were catching on, “I didn’t want to tell you like this, but family dinner makes sense.”

You pass him the picture, Erin is in near tears, “Really,” she asked stepping out of her seat. Nicky rushed around the table and hugged you tight.

“Watch the cake, pregnant lady and dessert will cause real pain and damage if someone gets between them,” you tried to watch Jamie’s reaction.

He continued to stare at the picture. Everyone was waiting for his reaction, “Is this,” he looked up at you, nearly looking like he was going to cry, “Is this, are there two,” he questioned.

“Twins,” Danny yelled, “Nice.”

Suddenly everyone was getting up, trying to congratulate us. But Jamie and you were sharing this moment together, “Yeah, I’m 11 weeks with twins.”

He jumped up, scooping you in his arms and twirling you around, “I love you so much.”

He put you down, staring at you and only you, “I love you too.”

Pops slapped him on the back and we finally acknowledged the rest of the family. There was a giant congratulations and a billion questions, but you didn’t expect anything different from the Reagans. Jamie held you hand tightly, “You know what this means,” Danny asked out loud to the group. “You got to start learning now before you-.”

Erin stepped in, “If you like breathing, I’d recommend you keep those thoughts in your head.”

“Smart woman,” you say to her, pointing your finger at Danny.

Jamie looked down at you again, “Just promise you’ll be careful,” he said.

“Always,” you kiss him, before reaching for more cake.

#oneshot #Blue Bloods #blue bloods fanfiction #blue blood imagines #Jamie Reagan #jamie reagan imagine #jamie reagan x reader

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isitgintimeyet · 4 years ago

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Just a Friend

Sorry you’ve had to wait a few more days. i had a much needed few days holiday in Devon. And I realised it was the first time since February that I’d travelled more than 20 miles from home!

Anyway, we’re on to chapter 7. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy

Thanks to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta.

AO3

Chapter 7: From Feedback to The Force

I can see it clearly in my mind’s eye. A converted barn, situated at the end of a leafy country lane, surrounded by fields full of cows and maybe a horse or two. Jamie’s office will be at one end— all exposed beams with classic mahogany and leather furniture. Perhaps chickens will be roaming around outside as tractors pull up to deliver vegetables straight from the neighbouring fields.

This image begins to fade as I follow my Sat nav instructions and take the next junction off the motorway. Country lanes look to be few and far between in this urban sprawl. Signposts along the tarmacked road point to a series of industrial estates. At the fourth such sign, I’m instructed to turn left and in three hundred yards will have reached my destination.

Having parked up, I make my way towards the large, uninspiring building which resembles some sort of aircraft hangar. Its grey concrete and corrugated iron walls match the overcast sky and the roughly surfaced car park. The only colour in this landscape is provided by the bright orange FraserFood logo emblazoned above the loading bays.

There’s a single door to the right with an intercom. I press it and wait a few seconds.

“Hello, there.” A cheery voice greets me. “Can I help ye?”

“Yes. Hello, I’ve an appointment with Ja— Mr. Fraser, Jamie. It’s Claire Beauchamp.”

“Aye, come on through. Jamie is expecting ye. Down the passage and third door on the left.”

I step into a long corridor, painted an unoriginal white. Fluorescent strip lights hanging from the ceiling cast a harsh brightness. The floor is covered with grey carpet tiles.—the same as in thousands of other working offices across the country.

What sets it apart and brings character to the otherwise anonymous environment is the artwork. Colourful photographs line the walls — a bowl of strawberries, their red glossiness accentuated by the white porcelain; a perfect corn on the cob, rivulets of melted butter flowing around the kernels; a plate of steaming tagliatelle, the parmesan shavings falling gently onto the pasta. Then, as I move further towards the office, the photographs change to a series of images that I instantly recognise, La Boqueria, one of the food markets in Barcelona.

I pause for a moment in front of a picture of one of the stalls selling spices. Strings of different chillies cascade down from the metal frame of the stall. The vibrancy of that market was intoxicating, the noise, the colours, the aromas. I remember wandering from stall to stall snacking on fat, juicy olives, slices of spiced ham and wedges of refreshing melon, just soaking up that atmosphere.

My stomach automatically rumbles at the memory just as Jamie steps into the corridor.

He laughs at this unconventional greeting. “And good day tae ye too. Ye found us alright then?”

“No problem. Sat nav brought me straight here. It’s—“ I stop myself before I say any more, but, as usual, my glass face gives me away.

“C’mon. What is it? It’s no’ what ye were expecting, is it?”

“No— yes—no. It’s fine. It’s just, well, I was expecting something more, er, rural… rustic, you know.”

He sighs, but I can tell that he’s not offended. “What, ye mean like on a farm? Wi’ chickens running around? And tractors bringing the vegetables straight from the fields?”

I nod, feeling not a little bit foolish.

“And down a wee winding country lane, that yer lumbering great vans and lorries have tae drive along? Wi’ no easy transport links fer all the deliveries? And having tae deal wi’ all the food hygiene standards in some great old barn?” He laughs. “Trust me, it may no’ be photogenic but it’s the best place fer the business.”

He takes my arm. “Let’s go intae ma office and I’ll make ye a cup of coffee.”

My stomach rumbles once more. “Don’t suppose you’ve got any of those lovely Spanish biscuits too, have you?”

*********

The display of colourful photographs continues in Jamie’s office. I don’t recognise the scenes, but, I’m guessing these are more local— fields of corn bordered by old drystone walls, hedgerows bursting with dark jewel-like brambles. I pause at a picture of an ancient stone mill, the calm water of the mill pond reflecting the rundown building perfectly.

“That’s a bonny picture, is it no’?” Jamie’s voice is low in my ear.

I turn around. He is standing behind me, gazing intently at the picture.

“It is. Where is it? I’m guessing it’s somewhere here in Scotland.”

“Aye, it’s the old mill at Lallybroch.”

“Where you grew up?”

He nods. “Generations of ma family used that mill tae grind flour fer them and their tenants. It’s empty inside now. The wheel has long since rotted away. Jenny and I would escape there whenever chores were tae be done. She took the photo, weel, most of the photos here actually.”

I study the photograph more closely. “She’s very talented as a photographer. Is that her job?”

“She’d love tae have done that, but once she married Ian and the bairns started appearing, she hasna got the time. Mebbe one day.”

He moves past me towards his desk and I catch a hint of his musky cologne. I find myself comparing it to the slightly synthetic cologne that Frank always favoured. I decide that Jamie’s is preferable. It’s more real, somehow, earthy and, well, more masculine.

“... does that sound ok?”

I realise that whilst I was considering male scents, Jamie had been asking me a question. “Er, sorry, I was miles away. What did you say?”

“Am I really that boring tae ye?” He laughs. “I said I would make ye a coffee and invite Rupert tae come in and join us. He’s our Head of Product Development. Will ye no’ take a seat?”

I sit down on one of the chairs arranged around a circular meeting table and take a good look at the office while Jamie makes a phone call. The walls and ceiling are the same uninspiring white, livened up by all the photographs. There’s a couple of framed photographs near Jamie’s chair that seem to be more personal. I’m too far away to be able to see clearly, but they look like children... his nephew and niece perhaps?

Jamie’s ‘L’ shaped desk is made of grey wood, as is a tall bookcase and this meeting table. Simple, but clearly a considered purchase, no haphazard grouping of random furniture. The desk itself is remarkably free from clutter— just a laptop with two huge screens and a black leather document wallet. The contrast to the clutter on the desks in my office and home couldn’t be greater. Not that my clutter isn’t important to me—a collection of pots and dishes from my uncle’s archaeological digs plus a paperweight and letter opener that I remember, as a young child, at my parents’ house. Then I realise, looking at the family portraits surrounding Jamie’s desk, that he doesn’t need to gather mementoes from the past. He has a living, breathing close knit family creating memories all the time.

I’m well aware that most of my friends have more of a family than I have, or have ever had, and generally I’m fine with that. But every now and again it hits me right in the gut—this pang of...not loneliness, but more of being disconnected, rootless.

Before I can dwell on this, there’s a faint tap at the door. It opens immediately and a woman stands in the doorway. She’s easily past retirement age, quite short and… is sturdy a polite descriptor? Well, short and ‘motherly’ in appearance.

She’s very smiley too. Her eyes crinkle as she grins broadly before speaking. “Jamie, lad. I’ve come tae see if ye both want a coffee. I dinna mind making it. And mebbe a few biscuits?”

Jamie steps away from his desk. “Ah, Mrs. Fitz, how d’ye always ken what I want? Coffee would be grand. And fer ye Claire?”

“Coffee, please. Lovely. White, no sugar. Thanks.”

She looks at me for a moment before Jamie makes the introduction. “ Claire, this is Mrs Fitz. She’s worked wi’ me since I started and I dinna ken what I’d do wi’out her.”

He reaches across and pats her arm gently.

“Mrs. Fitz, this is Claire, a friend of mine. She’s been trying out our Spanish dinner party menu and has come tae meet wi’ Rupert tae give him her opinions.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Fitz.” I hold out my hand.

She takes it in both of hers. “And it’s lovely tae meet ye too, Claire.”

She turns away and heads out the door.

“Right-oh. Two coffees it is then,” she says clearly, then carries on muttering under her breath as she leaves. “Friends, is it, then? A bonny lass, sure enough…”

Jamie smiles apologetically. “Mrs. Fitz can be a bit, weel...she’s been working with me a long time. She’s like a second mother tae me…”

He leaves the sentence unfinished, but I know what he’s thinking. Why can’t people understand that we’re friends, that’s all?

*******

Rupert is a complete delight, but somehow not what I was expecting. He rushes into the office just as Jamie and I are drinking our coffees. Nearly as tall as Jamie but quite a bit broader with a large beard, like an overgrown teddy bear, and clad in a sweatshirt and baggy ill-fitting jeans, he looks as if he would be more at home on a rugby pitch rather than in a development kitchen. With Jamie now standing next to him, the office suddenly feels rather small.

Jamie makes the introductions and we settle once more around the table. Rupert places his notebook and pen on the table.

“Ye dinna mind if I take a biscuit or two, do ye?” He asks, with a smile. He knows how tasty they are.

Jamie and I shake our heads and Rupert reaches out and takes two in his large, fleshy hand. He starts to eat, sprinkling crumbs all over his notebook.

“Ye canna take me anywhere,” he says as he tries to sweep the crumbs into his hand.

Jamie laughs and playfully punches Rupert’s shoulder. “Weel, ye can… but only the once, mind.”

There’s an easy camaraderie between the two of them. I’m guessing that Jamie has worked with the same people for quite a while. It’s good to see.

Rupert swallows, picks up a tissue and wipes the stray crumbs from his beard. “Right-oh. So, Claire, thanks fer doing this—“

“No, I should be thanking you. It was a great meal.”

“Weel, glad tae hear that, but I would appreciate any improvements we could make. Is there anything we need tae change?”

I’ve been racking my brains all the way here, trying to think of something constructive to say rather than just reeling off a list of compliments, nice as that would be for Rupert and Jamie. And, honestly, I don’t know what more I can add. The food was excellent, the wine matched perfectly and the olives were a thoughtful addition.

I tell them all this and Rupert solemnly notes it all down. Sitting there, side by side, elbows almost touching, they look for all the world like two proud parents being complimented on their child’s talents. But they have every right to be proud.

“And nothing else?” Rupert persists. “Nothing we could do better?”

“Well, a couple of tiny suggestions. Maybe a few more pictures with the recipes would help. I’m not the most gifted cook.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jamie trying to suppress a smile. He’s never seen me in the kitchen, maybe he’s imagining me as some sort of culinary disaster area. I vow to prove him wrong at some point.

“And,” I continue as Rupert scribbles in his notebook. “Perhaps add a couple of suggestions to complete the Spanish night. I made sangria to start the evening. Could you add a recipe for that?”

Rupert closes his notebook with a flourish. “Right then. Thank ye sae much fer that. Glad yer friends all enjoyed the food.”

He stands up, shifting the table as he does so.

“Weel, bye then, Claire. Lovely tae meet ye. Hope tae see ye again.” He shoots a quick look across at Jamie before leaving.

“Rupert’s a lovely guy,” I comment as the door shuts behind him.

“Aye, he is that,” Jamie shifts in his seat. “Listen, I need tae ask ye a favour.”

“Another one,” I joke. “Wasn’t the dinner party enough?”

I add a sigh, purely for dramatic effect.

“Ye can say no if ye want tae,” he continues. “But I was wondering… weel... Ian, that’s Jenny’s husband, his rugby club is having a charity dinner dance a week on Saturday. Jenny’s bought two tickets fer me and a plus one. D’ye fancy it? It would help me out of a wee bit of bother with ma sister.”

Now I’m intrigued about his “wee bit of bother” with Jenny. I don’t want to end up in the middle of some sibling squabble.

“How so?” I’m not giving an answer straight away. At least not until I know what the bother is.

“Jenny bought the two tickets fer me a couple of months ago. I think she was assuming I would bring Laoghaire. But ye ken what happened there. Anyways, she asked me yesterday about it, and ever so casually suggested I might bring Kelly— that was ma date the other night.”

The pattern of Rupert’s crumbs on the table appears to suddenly be of great interest to him. He studies them intently as he talks, his ears turning slightly pink as he does so.

“And?” I prompt him.

“And, I told Jenny that after Laoghaire and I broke up, I didna want tae disappoint her about the dinner and so I’d already asked ye tae come along. As a friend,” he hastily adds the last part.

So, what do I decide? I do love the opportunity to have a bit of a dance and rugby club dos are usually a bit of a laugh, in my experience. And of course, I know Jamie is offering as a friend, so I’m not worried about that.

“Why don’t you want to ask Kelly then?” I want the full story before I give him my answer.

“She’s a nice enough lass but I didna think we had any spark. Plus she was trying too hard. Fer example she asked me what films I liked, then when I told her, she was all ‘no way, they’re ma favourites too’.”

He adds gestures at this point, to demonstrate Kelly’s actions, one hand flapping excitedly, the other resting on my sleeve, lightly stroking through the fabric of my shirt. It feels—

“Apparently we have exactly the same taste in films, music, food, drinks, television and holidays,” he continues as he sits back and folds his arms.

“Sounds like a match made in heaven to me.” I joke. I can still feel the sensation of his hand on my arm.

He looks up at me and frowns. “I’m no’ joking. Ye would be helping me if ye came as ma plus one.”

“Ok then. I do know that I’m not on call. I can come and be your wingman, if you like. Just one question. What are your favourite films?”

“Star Wars.”

This wasn’t the answer I was expecting. He doesn’t seem like a typical fan. Maybe he has a dark side that I haven’t yet seen, with a secret stash of Star Wars figures and multiple light sabres.

“I’ve never watched any of them.” It’s true. I seem to be in the minority but I just don’t get the appeal.

“And I can tell from yer face exactly what ye think of them. But they’re classics, weel most of them, anyway,” he starts to enthuse.

I shake my head. I can’t see that he will ever convince me.

“Well, Sassenach, have I got a treat in store for you!”

And, worryingly, it seems that he’s up for the challenge.

#outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #Just a Friend #James Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #Chapter 7

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alexsfictionaddiction · 4 years ago

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‘She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her.’

Women are truly incredible creatures. We have spent centuries being overlooked, downtrodden and dismissed. In some respects, we have come a long way in terms of gender equality but there are still many recent occurrences which remind us of how far we have to go.

So many female illnesses take years to diagnose or aren’t taken seriously enough when they are. Women are still having to justify why they chose not to have children. We’re still working with a pay gap. Some women aren’t considered to be women because of the body parts they were born with or without. There are still places in the world where women simply don’t and never will have the opportunities to live life on their own terms. Despite all this, we’re still out in the world making and doing amazing things and looking beautiful while doing them.

This recommendation list is really a collection of books that celebrate women, their courage, their friendships and their choices. It’s pretty varied in terms of genre and style, so I’m pretty sure you’ll find at least one book here that piques your interest. Keep being your fierce, unstoppable self and honour your girls today. -Love, Alex x

1. Dangerous Women by Hope Adams.

In 1841, 180 English women are on board The Rajah, a ship bound for Australia. All of them are criminals, most of them convicted of petty crimes but one of them has a deadly dark secret. Then someone is killed and the hunt for the culprit is on. But it’s hard to protest your innocence when you’ve already been found guilty. This addictive mystery is so well-researched and is based on the true stories of real female criminals aboard The Rajah. There is an overwhelming, stifling darkness, haunting the whole novel that is so atmospheric and reflective of conditions on board. It’s a story of sisterhood, female friendship and the existence of the Rajah Quilt is an example of the incredible feats that women can overcome if they work together.

2. Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu.

Viv is tired of following the rules at her high school and is determined to shake things up. Channelling her mum’s former punk persona, Viv creates and secretly distributes a feminist zine to her classmates, who start to take action. Cliques are abandoned as new friendships are formed and a revolution kicks off. The real sweetness about this gutsy, fierce YA novel is the fact that talking about the daily trials and tribulations that girls go through brings them together rather than divides them. There are some fantastic characters and the inclusion of male allies is everything.

3. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams.

After a disastrous break up, British-Jamaican millennial Queenie embarks on a journey, riddled with bad choices, to discover what she really wants from life. Straddling two cultures, a job where she is perpetually underappreciated and an underlying mental health condition, Queenie is a relatable depiction of what it means to be a young, Black woman in 21st century London. Funny, honest and deeply moving, Queenie is an essential enlightening read with a wonderfully flawed, real woman at its heart.

4. Hag: Forgotten Folktales Retold.

Inspired by British urban myths, this collection of spooky, fantastical stories by various female authors celebrates women in all of their guises. These stories are written by the likes of Daisy Johnson, Kirsty Logan, Irenosen Okojie, Eimear McBride and more. Some of the stories are very dark. Some of them offer powerful insights into other cultures. Some of them explore inherently female issues such as the repression of desire and motherhood. Overriding the whole collection is the wonder and power of women defying the odds and achieving their dreams. A fantastically unique read, ideal for International Women’s Day.

5. My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman.

When Elsa’s grandmother dies, she discovers a series of letters apologising to the various people she has wronged. Elsa’s mission to deliver these letters leads to some strange places and a journey that leads to getting to know her grandmother in a way she never did, when she was alive. The relationship between seven-year-old Elsa and her grandmother is so beautiful and I’m sure I’ll never read another grandmother-granddaughter relationship like it. Granny is a truly formidable character and a woman who has left behind a very full, colourful life. Backman is a master at writing quirky, uplifting stories of community and this charming novel is no different.

6. Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo.

Kim Jiyoung has recently given up work to raise her baby daughter but before long, she begins displaying strange symptoms, such as impersonating the voices of other women. As her psychosis deepens, Jiyoung’s entire life is spilled to her male psychiatrist and it’s a life of restriction, abuse and control. This incredibly evocative book is a harrowing illustration of the misogyny ingrained deep in Korean culture and the devastating effects it can have on the women who live within it. A woman on the brink of insanity speaks for them all in this heavily symbolic, heartbreaking read.

7. The Shelf by Helly Acton.

Amy is pretty sure that Jamie is about to propose, so she is more than shocked to find herself on The Shelf, a reality TV show for single women. Over the next few weeks, she and five other women must take on challenges to improve themselves and be crowned ‘The Keeper’. The Shelf is a joyful celebration of singledom and female friendship. Funny and heartwarming, it inspires its readers to never settle for second best and discover life and yourself, completely on your own terms.

8. Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez.

The world is made for men. Cars, phones, the medical industry, workplace laws and more areas of modern society largely ignore women. This fantastically informative manual exposes all the data biases that have been hidden from us. Caroline Criado-Perez has collated stories and case studies from across the globe that show how women’s lives and health are affected by our male-minded world and calls for drastic change.

9. A Kind of Spark by Elle McNicoll.

Addie has autism but she is so much more than that. When she learns of her hometown’s involvement in witch trials, she launches a campaign to erect a memorial for the women who died during them. This gorgeous, uplifting, funny middle-grade book offers a unique insight into a neurodivergent mind and simultaneously honours innocent, murdered women. You’ll get all the feels!

10. Olive by Emma Gannon.

Olive’s choice to not be a mother has ended her nine year relationship and her three best friends are all at various stages of motherhood. So, where will Olive fit into their lives now? This wonderfully sensitive and thoughtful novel is a wonderful celebration of women who are child-free by choice as well as giving voice to those who have struggled to become mothers. It will speak to any woman who has ever been asked when they’re going to take the leap into that ‘inevitable’ stage of a female life -motherhood.

11. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

Evelyn Hugo is a retired Hollywood icon who has personally chosen struggling, unknown reporter Monique to dictate her biography to. No one knows why, not even Monique herself. Over a series of intimate meetings, Evelyn tells Monique her story; from her rise to fame in the 1950s LA to her retirement 30 years later and the myriad of romances throughout that time. In time, it becomes clear that Evelyn’s and Monique’s lives intertwine in a heartbreaking fashion. Soaring, epic and completely unforgettable, Evelyn Hugo is the story of a woman who was consistently objectified, moulded and suppressed. Ultimately, it is a story of a great forbidden love and the hell that fame can bring, especially for women.

12. The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson.

Imannuelle’s mixed heritage is sacrilege in the tiny, puritanical community in which she lives. So she does her best to obey the rules and worship the Father. However, she finds herself in the haunted Darkwood where the spirits of murdered witches roam but they have a gift for Immanuelle -her dead mother’s journal, which leads to her discovering the dark truths behind the community she was born into. This atmospheric, brooding fantasy-horror novel champions the overthrowing of control, the discovery of one’s own inner power and capabilities as well as demonstrating how women have been villified by the patriarchy for centuries, simply for leading the lives that they want to lead. An addictive, Gothic witchy treat!

#international women's day #book recommendations #recommendations #books #bookworm

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sketchguk · 3 years ago

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Nothing much i guess,, been staying home and waiting for the move-in date. I got bored and signed up for a Japanese course lmao. Hbu? Are you doing well? And your collab, i’m sure you’ll KILL it bc your works are 💯💯💯

Plus, as a Seori stan who literally recommend her music to every single person i know, i can’t believe i finally found someone w/ the same taste, i’ve got some song recs for u:

- falling leaves are beautiful - heize (lowkey reminds me of “Dark side of your room” lol)

- paint - moonmoon

- apollo 11 - jamie ft. jay park (a mood booster i often play in the morning)

- 風を食む - yorushika

- make the move - soovi & ph-1

- love like that - lambc

- movies - devita

- an - ha anh tuan (a vietnamese song)

Hope you have an amazing day!!!

- 🍎

Ahh make sure you relax during your break!! Stay healthy, hydrated, and happy ❣️ I'm soo excited for you to move in !! 🥰 whenever you mention it, my heart swells with so much pride 🥺 I hope you have the best time on campus !!

Japanese?!! That's soo cool !! Some of my high school friends studied it because we had a sister school in Shimoda :') My brother has been self-studying too haha. Learning a new language is super neat !! It's really helpful to be multilingual ! And lowkeyy, it's a flex when you tell them you know another language 🤣 have lots of fun studying (I know I sound like a nerd, but I'm a big advocate for education aha, I'm trying to get certification to teach math for grades 7-12)!! But n e ways, Japanese is so pleasing on the ears. I've been listening to more Japanese songs, thank yOU SO MUCH for the recs by the way !! That was so sweet of you, you shouldn't have :-(

These songs are sooo my jam!! I'm familiar with some of the artists like heize, moonmoon, jamie, ph-1 and devita!!! You already know I added all of these to my playlists. I totally did *not* cry when you referenced dark side of your room 🥲. I couldn't find a translation for An though :-( I think it's soothing 💗 I lovee the instrumentals in the background. Sounds like a song I'd play while I'm having my main character moment at the seaside. I'd probably have this whole playlist running in the background while I stare at the ceiling and disassociate !!

If you're interested, here are some of the songs I'm obsessed with !! Including some chinese/japanese recs:

哎呦喂 - yangyang 寂寞号登机口 - jun (i'm so in l*ve with this man !!!!) fallin' flower - seventeen :') love me - nafla, hoody numb - b.i. yours - raiden, chanyeol, leehi, changmo shut up i love u - neptune

I'm doing well by the way !! I start my new job on Tuesday :D I've been running around getting all my paperwork done. I even went to the doctors today to get a medical statement, so let's hope I'm all good and healthy :D My fic isn't even done ;n; I’m gonna crack under the pressure haha, but it means a lot to me that you enjoy my work 😭 Thank you, angel 💞 Hope you're having a great day as always !!

#I'm soo sorry I don't know how to stfu aha #ask #anon #🍎 of my eye

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agentnico · 5 years ago

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Top 20 Best Movies of the Decade (2010′s)

Now that we have entered the 2020s, it’s time to look back on a decade of movie magic. To emphasise the importance of each year, I’ll balance things out by including two films from each year for my Top 20 list. I’ve tried to pick films that both defined this decade as well as appealed to me personally, so my list will of course, as always, be different from yours, but hopefully, I won’t totally irritate you with my humble choice, which I deem worthy to post online for the public eye to witness.

2010:

INCEPTION - “You’re waiting for a train...” Christopher Nolan unarguably is the most exciting and original directors working today. Each time he releases a movie, its an event. A literal must-see at the cinema. Which is why this isn’t the only film of his you will find on this list. With Inception, Nolan gives us a movie that is both enjoyable and imaginative, rewarding the audience for the attention that it demands. Filled with so much detail that if you miss certain shots, you will completely get lost in confusion of the narrative (as confusing as it already is). It’s intense and complex, with great performances from the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy, this movie will leave you lingering for more even after that mysterious ending.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD - “You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!” Once again, another exciting director on this list (oh there are so so many!). Ever since Edgar Wright emerged from the British isles, he’s given us some of the funniest films of the past decade and onwards. His Cornetto Trilogy is a blast, Baby Driver is a blast, Ant-Man was going to be even more of a blast if Marvel allowed Wright to do his magical shenanigans his way, and the upcoming Last Night in Soho will surely be a blast also. With Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Wright creates a meta-clever universe taking inspiration from comic books and video games and filled to the brink with wink-wink-nudge-nudge humour, this is an exciting and very sarcastic over the top endeavor. Also, Brie Larson in this movie.....phew!! And unsurprisingly, its all a blast!

2011:

DRIVE - “I just wanted you to know, just getting to be around you, that was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Drive is more of an elegant exercise in style, and its emotions may be hidden but they run deep. A shamelessly disreputable, stylish, stoic, ultra-violent thriller with amazing stunt work, one of the best opening sequences of any movie this decade and a neon-pumped soundtrack that’s a must-own for all vinyl users, if you still haven’t seen Drive, there’s only one thing you can do. Clue: it’s to go watch Drive.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL - “Your mission, should you choose to accept it...” Tom Cruise’s deal with the devil allows him to do some literally impossible stuff, and though I don’t condone his Scientology ways, the man’s stunt work and efforts in his area of expertise are worth all the praise and respect. To be honest, I’m commemorating all three of the Mission Impossible flicks that graced our screen this year (Ghost Protocol, Rogue Nation and Fallout). This franchise is like a game of dodgeball, except that Tom Cruise is the dodgeBALL, being thrown and thrust left and right like nobody cares. Also, with me being Russian, the fact that a movie manages to destroy the Kremlin and then have me not hate the film in the aftermath shows that this film is way too fun to hate.

2012:

DJANGO UNCHAINED - “Gentlemen, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.” Quentin Tarantino is one of my favourite directors working today. And Django Unchained happens to be my favourite film of his. The writing for this film is orgasmic (I went there!). The way the actors deliver the lines and the lines of dialogue themselves sound almost poetic to my ears. I can quote so many lines from this darn thing. The cinematography is immaculate. The soundtrack choice is great. The performances, my goodness, the PERFORMANCES!! Jamie Foxx does arguably his career-best work here, but also we have Christoph Waltz and Leonardo DiCaprio both chewing up the scenery, and I’m sure everyone has heard the story involving DiCaprio and the broken glass. Django Unchained is an easy choice on this list for me, and possibly in my Top 10 of all time.

LES MISERABLES - “Do you hear the people sing?” The film that is based on a musical that is based on a book that is based on certain true events. Tom Hooper did an interesting choice of having actors sing live in front of the camera during filming rather than pre-record their voices, and it works to grand effect, though Russell Crowe should have probably been given more singing lessons. The movie is one hell of a way to adapt such a popular stage musical. With an opening shot that emphasises the scale of this picture with a zoom-in towards this big ship during a storm being pulled by these poor prisoners, we are plunged into the despair and conflicts of various characters with adroit narrative thrust so that not a moment feels wasted or redundant. You’d think that a film with hardly any dialogue and an overall reliance on singing wouldn’t be so emotional. Yet, somehow, it works. Also props to Anne Hathaway for winning an Academy Award for being in a film for only 5 MINUTES!!

2013:

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET - “Sell me this pen.” Martin Scorsese’s mad look into Wall Street life is a bombastic caper and running at nearly 3 hours, Scorsese and his editing team manage to keep an astoundingly intoxicating pace that keeps you enthralled and engaged throughout. This one is definitely not for the families, as this R-rated fest is filled with drugs, money, sex and everything you can possibly imagine and paints quite the picture of the rich folks of Wall Street. And the middle of it all a bravura performance from Leonardo DiCaprio. Someone needs to give DiCaprio’s agent a raise, this is Leo’s third appearance on this list and we’re only in 2013!

THE WAY WAY BACK - “I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're having way too much fun, it's making everyone uncomfortable.” Sometimes a little indie flick is enough to lift a human spirit. Real, fun, uplifting and innocent, The Way Way Back dedicated to anyone who felt awkward or out of place at some point in their life, which, let’s be honest, counts all of us. I’m not afraid to admit that. So stop being a b*** and reveal your sensitive side too! Yes, you, the person reading this. Who else could I possibly be talking to? Myself? Maybe. The Way Way Back though is one of the best feel-good indie films of this decade, with the loveable Steve Carell acting very unloveable and Sam Rockwell Rockwelling himself to charm city! If you’ve missed this one, treat yo’self and check it out.

2014:

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL - “And?? Where is it? What's it all about dammit don't keep us in suspense this has been a complete f***ing nightmare! Just tell us what the f*** is going on!!!” Easily Wes Anderson’s best in my opinion (I have a friend who would argue Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums has the better hand but I think my opinion is more valid because it's me), this movie is a glossy, colorful, whimsical deadpan affair with an energetic turn from Ralph Fiennes as the hotel concierge M. Gustave H. as he and his lobby boy run into various Wes Anderson regulars and deal with murderers, stolen paintings, love affairs, prison breaks, and all kinds of crazy shindigs, but all shown in such a casual Wes Anderson way. This movie is like a slice of cherry pie - damn fine!

INTERSTELLAR - “Murphy’s Law doesn’t mean that something bad will happen. It means that whatever can happen, will happen.” As promised, Christopher Nolan makes another appearance on this list, now with his space time-traveling epic Interstellar, where he takes inspiration from the likes of Kubrick and Tarkovsky to give us, as always, a tad bit confusing adventure with great visuals and an interesting narrative (though it does sometimes get lost in its own way), however, the key thing holding this piece together is the father-daughter relationship with Matthew McConaughey and Mackenzie Foy (and Jessica Chastain) managing to bring so much raw emotion to their respective roles that you can’t help but want to shed a tear. I mean, I haven’t cried for over 14 years, but I remember when I first watched this film, the audience around me was sobbing quite a few times during the duration of this movie. Give it to Nolan to give us the emotional moments!

2015:

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD - “Oh what a day! What a lovely day!!” Easily the best action movie of this decade. Sorry John Wick, neither you or Tom Cruise could defeat this beast. The sheer, limitless invention behind this movie's exhilarating, preposterous chase scenes highlights action filmmaking at its finest. With big monster trucks and a random guitarist rocking-it in the middle of all the action, it’s like a nihilistic version of a Cirque du Soleil show! And it makes Tom Hardy the calmest person on-screen; no idea how it managed that.

STEVE JOBS - “I sat in a garage and invented the future because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands.” If there is anyone who can make formulaic, mathematical or technological sound fun and exciting, its Aaron Sorkin. The man has a talent for writing screenplays about difficult and complicated topics yet turning them approachable for the casual moviegoer. Pair him with director Danny Boyle, and the result is Steve Jobs, a look at the man behind the phone. Narratively set during three important product launches of Jobs’, we get to see the behind-the-scenes of his relationships with his colleagues and family members, and this character study is one that could have easily fallen into generic biopic tropes, but it holds it’s own right till the credits roll. Also props for showing that Seth Rogen can actually do a serious role. Who would’ve thought that pot-smoking fella had dramatic chops in him?

2016:

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS - “Susan, enjoy the absurdity of our world. It’s a lot less painful. Believe me, our world is a lot less painful than the real world.” Fashion designer Tom Ford does sew his suits well. Apparently, he can also make great films too, with 2009′s A Single Man and with said Nocturnal Animals. This movie is truly incredible and I remember it taking me and my friend by surprise when we first watched it at the cinema. It’s shocking. Horrifying. Depressing. Upsetting. Altogether exhilarating. Being of a fashion background, Tom Ford directs the hell out of this movie, with gorgeous shots and great use of colour as well as managing to masterfully create tension and suspense when necessary. Honestly, I know Tom Ford is probably busy at a department store somewhere, but the guy needs to make another movie. The man has a talent.

LA LA LAND - “Here’s to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem. Here’s to the hearts that ache; here’s to the mess we make.” Oh, La La Land. Damien Chazelle’s follow-up to the also excellent Whiplash. People who know me well know how much I love this movie. An old-school tour-de-force musical that’s a love letter to jazz and the golden age of Hollywood. The city of stars never looked so good. Featuring catchy original songs, excellent dance choreography (the sequence to the song “Lovely Night” is especially memorable) and a romance tale ten times better than the forsaken The Notebook, La La Land is one special movie. I know many are put off by the film’s not so happy ending, however for me it was the only way this narrative could have ended.

2017:

BLADE RUNNER 2049 - “We’re all just looking out for something real.” Similarly to Nolan, Denis Villeneuve is proving to be one of the most exciting directors working today. He’s the man behind such films as *deep breath* Prisoners, Enemy, Sicario, Arrival and Blade Runner 2049. And those have all been done within the last decade. The man constantly makes quality movies of various genres, though lately, he has been leaning more towards science fiction, which is a-okay in my books, since as Blade Runner 2049 proves, he can turn science into fiction like butter on bread. A sequel made 30 years after Ridley Scott’s classic, this visually breathtaking piece is arguably even better than its predecessor with many moments giving you the “wow wow wow wow wow WOW!” factor, and when Ryan Gosling and Harrison Ford are both on-screen they are dynamite. Forget the new Star Wars film (that’s right, I'm throwing shade there), Blade Runner is where it’s at!

PHANTOM THREAD - “The tea is going out. The interruption is staying right here with me.” The supposed last Daniel Day-Lewis film, as he has now apparently retired from acting, but let’s be honest, nothing stops him from simply unretiring at any point. Exhibit A - Joe Pesci. However, like Pesci, if he comes back I’ll only be happy. He’s one of acting greats of our time, and his collaborations will director Paul Thomas Anderson bring out some of his best roles. Phantom Thread is a marvel of a movie. No, I don’t mean that’s its part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I mean as in it can fill one with wonder and astonishment. Phantom Thread is PTA’s Gothic dark fairy-tale romance film, which expertly planned shots and scenes where every word of the dialogue counts. There is no wasted moment. And as the film transpires to its dark and unsettling climax, one begins to realize that this, THIS, is what filmmaking is about. Telling an engrossing story in an interesting way with crisp-clear shots and off-the-chart acting at play, with great costume design on display, although the latter is unsurprising due to a major aspect of the movie revolving around fashion.

2018:

MANDY - “You ripped ma shirt!! You ripped maaa shiirrt!!” An acquired taste for sure, however, Mandy is indeed something truly special. From first glance, this film might seem like nothing out of the ordinary, especially from the point of view of the plot. Its the usual revenge flick. However director Panos Cosmatos’ vision and how he presents it is so much more unique. And what’s not love in this film? There’s something for everyone! It’s artsy and slow enough for the critics, hip and metal for the nonchalant, gory and violent for the hardcore genre fanatics and of course the Nic-Cage-rage factor is present for the fans of the actor. Alright, it may not be a family film, but this one is worth a watch. The whole thing is bound together by this psychedelic otherworldly environment, with the whole movie conceived in this dark, unsettlingly beautiful yet horror-filled aura that might stray people away, as it might be just too different for them, however, if you are looking for something different to watch, take mandy. I mean, watch Mandy!

A STAR IS BORN - “Music is essentially 12 notes between any octave. Twelve notes and the octave repeats. It’s the same story told over and over. All the artist can offer the world is how they see those 12 notes.” The film that began all the rumours surrounding Bradley Cooper’s and Lady Gaga’s affair. People, heads up, they are actors! They were putting on a performance! Jeez. That being said, I totally ship them. Nuff’ said. The film though? Yes, it’s good. Some country-style music, romance blooming, Gaga can apparently act, people sing about shallows for some reason...all together works for a pretty decent motion picture. Also, the fact that Bradley Cooper wrote, directed, produced and starred in this gives me so much respect for the guy. He poured his heart and soul into this. And Lady Gaga absolutely shines!

2019:

PAIN & GLORY - “Writing is like drawing but with letters.” Director Pedro Almodovar semi-autobiographical film takes a close look at how one deals with acceptance, being forgotten, symptoms of depression and generally all fairly negative attributes, but delivered in such an honest and profound way that there is a strange lightness that emerges from it all. Antonio Banderas is uncannily vulnerable in the lead role, delivering such an earnest performance that shows a man that is filled with melancholic regret who seeks his own form of redemption. This movie is a thing of beauty.

PARASITE - “You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all. If you make a plan, life never works out that way.” Parasite is easily the most original and surprising films of 2019, and possibly the decade, managing to subvert expectations and blend together so many different genres so naturally. To spoil any narrative element of this movie would be a sin, like this one in particular works best when not knowing anything about it. This movie comes to us from Bong Joon-Ho, a South Korean director behind such films as The Host, Memories of Murder, Okja, and Snowpiercer. It’s nice to see the awards ceremonies giving him the proper recognition finally. He deserves it.

That sums up my Top 20 Best Movies of the Decade list. Of course, there are so many other great films that came out in these 10 years, such as Whiplash, When Marnie Was There, Paterson, Silence, Kubo and the Two Strings, The Nice Guys...I can go on forever. Cinema is a constant ever-growing medium, and it is fascinating to see how it changes through the years, in some ways improving and in some parts not so much. In any case, I look forward towards a new decade of, hopefully, great movies, however, let’s be honest, for all these great films there’s always a Norm of the North, a Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse or frickin’ Cats. But let’s hope those will be kept to a minimum. In any case, bring on the 2020s!

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dachi-chan25 · 3 years ago

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Haven't done this in a while but I had the time so why not?

1.- Pizza Girl by Kyoung Jean Frazier

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I really did like it, reminded me a lot of "Convinience store woman". Like clearly our protagonist needed thrapy ASAP to help her deal with her dad's death, her pregnancy, her attraction to women and hell just for existing as an Asian woman in the USA, but I liked how messy and obsesive she was and how the author allowed her to be fucked up and take bad decisions, I love to see female characters simply exist, it's also a pretty short read so I definitely recommend it.

2.-The Authentics by Abdi Nazemian

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Daría is a persian teen who is really involved in her cultural background and feels that the most important thing one can be is authentic, so that's the name she and her friends take for their clique. But everything comes crashing down on her when she discovers she is adopted, and soon follows an identity crisis. I loved it so much, it felt pretty realistic, like Daría could be self absorbed and unlikeable at times, but who wasn't as a teen? And we get such beautiful heartwarming moments between Daría and her family and friends. Totally recommend it.

3.- The Mall by Megan McCafferty

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Cassie has her life completely mapped out but nothing goes quite as planned, first she gets mononucleosis and after she gets better gets dumped and fired almost simultaneously. Determined not to let it get the best of her, Cassie gets a brand new job, reconnects with an old friend and even finds a hidden treasure. This one is so much fun, all the 90s references and the growth Cassie goes through is amazing, honeslty i would love to see this as a Netflix movie.

4.- Luster by Raven Leilani

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This book was hard, Edie is a very raw character, at first she seems flippant even when describing disturbing facts about her past or details about her relationship with a much older man she seems to be talking about something that happened to someone else all this to cope dealing with her solitude, her trauma, her self hate. And gosh it was so intresting to see her interact with Rebecca and Akila, especially Akila as Edie finds kinship in this young girl not only cuz they are both black but because they are both lost and afraid.

5.- Lakewood by Megan Giddings

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Lena decides to participate on a financially compensated medical experiment so her mom can get proper medical care and to lessen their debts after her Grandmother's death.

So I had many mixed feelings about this, on one hand I liked that we are adressing how sistematical racism has permited experiments on black people with no consequences at all and how it has been happening for decades, but there were certain parts of the book that I couldn't enjoy as much because they were very trippy like I get we are on Lena's mind as things are becoming muddled up because of the medications and all those mind games and the words they have her memorize and repeat but all of it took me a bit away from the story. Still I do recommend it just be aware there is quite a bit of body horror in this so if you are sqeamish better skip it.

6.-The Voting Booth - Brandy Colbert

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Marva and Duke meet on election day as she helps him find the precint he is registered on.

This is very enjoyable, the story is very straightforward, and it insists on our right and responsability to vote even if we feel our vote alone can't possibly change all the injustice we see in the world. And also the romance was cute and developed slowly as Marva and Duke are just knowing each other. Really cute and quick read.

7.- Such a fun age - Kiley Reid

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Emira works as a babysitter for the Chamberleins' . She loves her little charge Briar, although she feels preassured to seek a 'real job' by her friends and by her own economic troubles. Emira soon finds herself in the middle of a tug of war between her boss Alix who tries to befriend her, and Kelley the guy she is dating.

So much drama. This is a great example of what performative activism looks like, first Alix is completely nuts, from her obsession to be seen as this wonderful understanding girl boss activist and the down right creepy sense of entitlement to Emira's friendship and intimacy. Like it doesn't surprise me she chose to victimize herself instead of recognizing it had all been a misunderstanding. And even then she still wants to seem atractive to the man she feels victimized by. Girl no.

Kelley is the ultimate fake woke ally. Dude Robbie was wrong period, he had no business inviting people over to someone else's house no matter the color of his skin. You don't get to talk over Emira on matters of what a person of color should do or feel on certain situations. That said it was so funny when he and Alix called each other out for their fetishization of people of color and yet none of them actually gave a damn about what Emira thought/felt/percieved. They just wanted her stamp of approval so they could pat themselves in the back for being such good allies.

8.- The Life and (Medieval) times of Kit Sweetly by Jamie Pacton

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Kit is working as a serving wench at the Castle, medieval themed restaurant run by her uncle, though she really wants to be a Knight, not only cuz the better pay would help around the house but because she really admires Joan of Arc, problem is the Castle management doesn't allow for anyone who is not a cis male to be a knight. Kit is set on changing that.

Ok so I feel a bit lukewarm toward this. Kit in my opinion doesn't get much growth, it seems she just can do whatever and her friends have to be ok w it, her romance w her friend feels pulled out of nowhere like Jett at one point tells her he is not intrested in dating her and then he is ???, those GoT references killed me, I get it I watched the show and sometimes even enjoyed it but it's not representative of anything medieval and Kit was always talking about how much she liked the actual history of the medieval times so...

Also as much as this book was about feminism and how we should fight for equal job oportunities, it feels as though Kit only cared about medieval woman who fought physically and not on the badass medieval woman, like idk it feels as a rejection of tradicional feminity like even the girl playing the Princess is a jerk. But I did like some parts, like her decision to confront her asshole dad to help her mom and the girls training together.

9.-Cien años de soledad de Gabriel Garcia Marquez

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En Macondo, una población Colombiana a un lado del río, vemos como una de sus familias fundadoras crece, se expande y cambia a través de cien años.

Me encanto, hace mucho tiempo que no leía una novela de realismo mágico que me provocará tantos sentimientos. Creo que todos los personajes reflejan aspectos de la humanidad tan diversos y complejos que sería inútil tratar de enlistarlos todos.

Ultimadamente siento que lo que condenó a la familia Buendia a cumplir las profecías de Melquiades fue sus propia naturaleza que ellos nunca tuvieron intención de pelear, siempre sucumbian a las locuras o pasiones que los inundarán sin mesura alguna o consideración por las consecuencias. Y creo que aún así lo prefiero pues es lo que hace a cada personaje por confuso que a veces llegue a ser la repetición de nombres (que para mi es el simbolismo de una naturaleza y destino continuos) único e intrigante. En verdad espero que se den la oportunidad de leer este libro por lo menos una vez en sus vidas.

10.-The Monsters of music by Rebecca F. Kenney

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This is a gender-swaped modern retelling of the Phantom of the Opera.

It was creative to make Mel, our Phantom, a true magical creature, and the singing contest was also cool. Like don't get me wrong I did have fun reading this but it also felt pretty unpolished like most characters were teens on the contest and that kinda made me roll my eyes a bit, like unless it's the Voice Kids age ranges are quite ample on this kind of shows, also kinda clumsy the addition of the magical elements with the modern setting, Kiyo didn't make much of an impression with me even when Christine is my fave on the original book. Still if you are a Phan like me you might wanna check this one out.

11.- Anna K by Jenny Lee

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This is a modern americanized ya retelling of Anna Karenina.

Not gonna lie this made me cry so much at the end. I really liked Anna and Vronski together so much, and I don't like the love at first sight trope, but here it felt so inevitable. Anna was so self contained until she met him and could truly explore being herself and they really loved each other so much. Also I liked the treatment of the side characters Kimmie and Dustin were well developed and I really enjoyed this one can't wait to get to the second book.

12.- Wonderland by Zoje Stage

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It was ok, but I was actually a bit disappointed cuz I had such high expectations for it. Like for about half the book I was really into the atmospheric vibe the book pulls you into, but as we get the reveal it started to go down hill for me, and the ending left me feeling meh. But maybe it was just not my cup of tea.

13.-Home Before Dark by Riley Sager

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This book is so well crafted!!! I love how it goes back and forth between past and present , first it feels as if history is repeating itself, then as both narratives unfold we start to question and discovering things and the twist at the end was chillin and masterful, I truly and wholeheartedly recommend it.

14.- The Girl with the louding voice by Abi Daré

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Adunni, a teenage girl, flees from her husband to work as a maid in Lagos, though everything she has ever wanted is to study.

This broke my heart, as it reflects how people coming from rural backgrounds get taken advantage of in the City, like similar things happen here in Mexico, but also it made me glad to see Adunni fight and keep her spirit so no one could ever silence her.

15.- The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson

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Immanuel does her very best to fit in Bethel, follow the scriptures and the Prophets words, but nothing seems to be enough to erase her mother's sin especially when the Darkwood seems to pull her in. As a plague starts to ravage Bethel, Immanuel has to face her past to save her people.

So frickin' good !!!! This story is great, mainly about the explotation of woman and young girls by people in power (in this case a church), the atmosphere is always tense, Ezra and Immanuel 's relationship is very well developed and one can really see how loyal they are to each other. A great option for horror fans.

#july 2021 wrap up #wrap up #dachi reads stuff #dachi rambles #booklr

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c-estmabiologie · 4 years ago

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this wilting world you’ve wed

Friends and strangers, I’m shaking off the moss to say that Jamie the Gardener absolutely wrecked me and so I had to emotionally decompress with a character study because I love to cry.

circa 1984 & 1998 (-ish)

Also on AO3

Then

Every person has got a story, whether that story gets told or not.

This is a story about a gardener.

As one would expect (or at least hope), plants were easy for the gardener. Plants would tell her when they were in need and it was never all that difficult for her to suss out what they were asking of her. Leaves would wilt and brown and she would know that they wanted watering. Spots would appear and she’d know to search out some source of rot. She could tell when to replant, when to find a sunnier spot, and when to take cuttings. She could coax vigor into the saddest houseplants left to curl into husks next to greeting cards and tabloid mags at the grocers’; she encouraged lilies leaning on shiny plastic picks that read “Congratulations” to hold themselves up by their own strength; she freed African violets from the crackle of cellophane and they would bloom in endless gratitude.

The au pair would bring them home, too, and treat them like puzzles for the gardener to solve. Their apartment became a garden over weeks and months and years. It was never as elegant and manicured as the lawns and hedges of the gardens where they’d first met, but it was a garden nonetheless, tended and tender. Ferns and pothos crowded sills and shelves and countertops.

More than once a day the gardener found herself sweeping potting soil off of surfaces and into her palm like so many crumbs.

“I don’t know about that one,” said the gardener one day, when the au pair came home with a particularly wild-looking ivy tucked into a plastic bag. It had been collected from who-knows-where (a ditch, as it would turn out).

“That one looks invasive.”

But the au pair was insistent.

“So we won’t let it outside,” she said. “I think it deserves as much of a chance as any other plant.”

The gardener relented, as she always would when the au pair asked for something (and she so seldom asked for anything).

The ivy, of course, flourished under the gardener’s care and, as she’d suspected, it was dissatisfied with keeping to itself. It would send tendrils to visit its neighbours. It would bury itself into their dirt and threaten to strangle other, much more polite plants, by their roots. The gardener almost didn’t catch it before it claimed its first, but she did manage to, if not tame it, at least keep it away from her personal favourites. If she sighed and grumbled over the ivy, then she made sure to do it when the au pair wasn’t in the room. Mostly.

Before

“You seem young.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I decided my youth was worth wasting.”

And with that there was a hitch in the conversation. Neither of them seemed to have a problem with each other, as far as the gardener could tell, but they both seemed to have a problem with interviews. The housekeeper seemed the meticulous sort with so many priorities constantly rising up and falling down a ranked list in her mind (to her credit, that last remark hadn’t seemed to put her off the gardener as a job candidate). For the gardener, this format recalled every time she’s had to sit in a chair before authority. The gardener hooked the toe of her boot around a chair leg and watched the housekeeper smooth her skirt out (unnecessarily, the skirt was perfectly kept) with her hands.

It struck the gardener then that the housekeeper was a striking woman. She wasn’t sure why this should surprise her. After all, the gardener wasn’t a tottering old bloke in galoshes like gardeners in storybooks, so why shouldn’t a housekeeper be beautiful?

When she was asked to explain why she was suited for the job, there was so much that the gardener couldn’t say, no matter how honestly she felt it. She knew better than to answer that she’d already decided that the job was as good as hers. She’d already paid a deposit on a little flat above a pub in the village. She’d even bought a plant for the windowsill. A calathea for new beginnings. For the gardener, this was where her story could start. No prologue necessary.

She couldn’t say that she could see the ritual of returning every morning, the house like a touchstone, to tend to things that were hers alone to tend to. The house would be asleep except for her. Just her and the mist that would curl up off the pond and around her ankles.

The gardener had gone so much of her life so far nomadic and unrooted by her choice, and just as often uprooted against her will. Here she felt she might be able to settle into herself a little.

There was a time not so long ago when the very idea of standing still would set the gardener’s feet in motion. In a way it was that same fear that had sent her here, to a village far enough away from, well, far enough from every place that had left her with scars and brick-bruised knuckles and the notion that she was a problem. Since coming to Bly she’d told herself that she was better now at understanding what she could handle until it had felt like truth. By the time she'd found her feet crunching up the path to the manor, she’d begun telling herself that she was sure that she could handle anything.

“Well, for one, you need a gardener. I can tell you’ve been without one for more than a few seasons,” was what she said instead.

“I took a little walk around before it was time to meet. Lots of ferns and old roses. Lovely stuff. But the roses haven’t been pruned in a long time and you could be getting far more blooms with a little tending. I might have to cut a few right to the ground to wake them up. Some of the other plants have gone leggy.

”It’ll take a lot of work to bring these grounds back, and I’ve got a lot of work in me.”

The housekeeper didn’t ask why the gardener’s previous work was odd jobs scattered across so many counties that it looked like she’d hung up a map in a pub and thrown a fistful of darts at it to build her resume. The housekeeper didn’t ask why the only reference the gardener could cough up was a coordinator from a youth rehabilitation programme (the gardener hadn’t spoken to the coordinator for a few years by then. She hoped that she was still at the same place and that she had good things to say, if she remembered the gardener at all).

Instead, the housekeeper looked at the gardener, really looked at her, and said:

“Yes. I believe you.”

Then

The gardener could spend hours removing dead leaves from plants, pulling them gently away with her fingers or pruning them when they weren’t quite ready to let go. For her, it was more than the simple satisfaction of clearing death away to make room for blooms. The gardener understood that dead leaves still draw energy. The plant will work just as hard to sustain what’s dead as new buds and leaflings. Pulling away the dead parts frees the plant to focus on living. That’s all customers cared about when they entered the shop: plants that seemed to be effortlessly brimming with life. They didn’t realize the work that went into it.

Under it all the gardener suspected that people weren’t so different from plants in that way. The trouble with people was that they tended to shield their hurt. They cupped their hands around it and held it close, as if something worse might happen if another person saw. Time and experience had granted her a practiced eye for the subtler signs of human pain. Heartbeat-quick hesitations. Disconnected gazes. Tensed fingers and unspoken words. People weren’t so different from plants, but plants were undoubtedly easier.

The gardener envied plants for their simple existence. She tried to be pragmatic, but she was no different from any other person. She carefully guarded her own anger and hurt (she was so fucking angry and there was nothing to fight) and set them aside, with the briefest nods of acknowledgement, to make room for another’s burden (it was never a burden, not really. She had never met hurt that she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to carry alongside her own). A heart was only four chambers after all, and the gardener would pack them full of everything that the au pair was afraid to feel if she could.

Sometimes the gardener caught herself wishing for the past, a different past, a version of their story where everything was exactly the same except that there was no darkness crouched inside the au pair. On days off she took herself to the library and pored over microfiche. She made calls to strangers, recommended to her by the cook, trying to piece together a history that had gotten itself tangled up with theirs. She wished to understand, as if understanding might yield a different future. A future that wasn’t a slow and inevitable erosion of days.

But these wishes weren’t practical. They were snatching away minutes and hours. Her only option was to move forward. Each day felt won, perhaps unfairly, a watched pot and all that (the gardener never cared for the expression, but she did regard it nonetheless with a spirit of helpless hopefulness). If she was watchful, nothing might come to pass.

Before

Time passed in that inexorable way that was time’s habit. The gardener pulled her boots on before dawn, and she had hair tangled with sweat and dew, clothes and skin streaked with dirt by the time she found herself in the kitchen sharing tea with the cook and the housekeeper and the family if they were about. It wasn’t happiness, exactly, but it was comfortable. Whatever the gardener was caught in, it didn’t feel like forever, but it had a strange gravity that held her in place.

No, that wasn’t quite right. The manor had a strange push and pull, like a magnet flipping over, or the moon fickly pushing the tide and pulling it back on a tether.

That wasn’t it either.

It was like cigarettes. Like perhaps Bly might not be all that great for her health. And it didn’t exactly leave a pleasant taste. But if she was gone too long, she felt an itch to go back and dig her hands into it and if she didn’t pay attention she’d be into her second pack by noon. At this point in her life, the gardener felt few stakes in being tied to something that might be slowly burning days off of her time on Earth, but she admitted to herself that she did breathe more easily when she dropped off in her own bed each night. The housekeeper had sold her home to live on the grounds. The gardener understood the choice, but she couldn’t imagine it for herself. She didn’t have any reason powerful enough to keep her beyond the sun’s setting. It was too dark then for her to do her work.

She couldn’t place why she felt this way. After all, the family was darling and they fully lived at the manor. They treated her like an old friend and left her alone to do what she wished with the grounds. The children were good in that they were children who demanded nothing of her. She was an audience to their games and storytelling, and they gave her space without her having to ask.

Even so, she managed to carve out secret spaces, something assuredly hers and hers alone (she knew it couldn’t ever really be hers. Besides nature having no owner, the grounds were hers to nurture and nothing more). She found a spot near the edge of the property that was left wild and forested. It was a spot where she allowed herself to just exist. It was a spot where she could be lonely except for the tender night-blooming vines she exhaustively grew from seed every spring.

Then

Were the gardener to rewrite her story, it would go something like this:

There was once a gardener. She’d felt many things before she was lucky enough to feel love. She’d had more than a few regrets in her life, and she’d lost so much, but she never did lose that feeling of love once she’d found it.

Her story, stripped of details and evaporated to its essence, would be a love story.

But the truth was that the gardener would never want to rewrite her story. She knew that one day when she would do the washing up, the memory of shattered ceramic would be a monument. Every reflection would someday recall those first nervous touches and kisses so many years ago. Until then, she would comfort herself with the weight and warmth of the au pair asleep next to her, the reassurance that she was still there. Forgetting any moment felt like a betrayal. If anything, she felt like she should remember everything doubly, a copy to keep, and one to telegraph through her fingertips as they brushed along the au pair’s skin (memorizing this, too). Reminders for them both.

#the haunting of bly manor #jamie taylor #dani clayton #jamie/dani #thobm fanfic #thobm

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keeponshouting · 3 years ago

Text

After Infection

Chapter 2 of my original character massive multiverse mash-up. ...only like four people are reading this but whatever.

After Infection: Chopping Mall

“My name’s Shannon,” she says as they all sprawl about in the middle of a department store’s ransacked home furnishings section. “I’m a daycare worker and lifeguard. I—I saw one of those things run straight into the pool. He just…tackled the other lifeguard and—and dove right in. God, it was—it was terrible! Everything was—I—I just got in my car and started driving and my boyfriend… My boyfriend worked here so I came looking for him. He—he wasn’t here but the parking lot was a mad house! Someone hit my car and drove off and I was just—” She takes a deep breath and forces a shaky smile back into place. “Eric saw me stranded and let me in.”

“I’m Eric.” One of the security guards takes the mention of his name as a good segue into his own introduction. “Me and Jamie were on duty when everything just…went nuts.” The other guard raises his hand in a wave but says nothing. “There, um, used to be four of us but… Well, some of those things got in before we locked down.” His grimace says it all. “We’ve run into a few since then but only on the first floor so we mainly stay up here unless we need to make supply runs and no one goes down there alone.” He laughs, though it comes out hollow. “I was supposed to be going off shift, y’know? Then people started attacking each other in the parking lot and…” He shrugs.

The other girl who had been waiting inside clears her throat, anxiously tugging at the photo ID around her neck. “I, uh, I’m—” She clears her throat again and sits up straight. “Jo. I’m Jo. I was on a manager shift at—Well, I guess it doesn’t matter where I worked anymore, huh? Um. We were supposed to have a meeting last night – new stock and all that – but everybody’s always tired of eating at the food court so I just let them all go out and get dinner from this place across the street and then they’re supposed to come back and…” Her hand closes into a fist around her lanyard. “N-nobody came back. I had my headphones on when I heard a gun go off somewhere and Scott – he was one of the other guards – he came in and told me to get upstairs. There was—there was blood fucking—it was everywhere! Blood and��”

Shannon places a hand on Jo’s shoulder.

Someone else clears their throat and a low, slightly uncertain voice pipes up. “Uh, hi. My name’s Dennis and I’m a zombie survivor?” There is a small ripple of laughter and that seems to bolster his confidence a bit as he stretches out his absurdly long legs for a moment, then folds them loosely in front of himself as he leans back against his boyfriend’s knees and smiles. “So, yeah, I’m Dennis and this is Nate. We, uh… We were in town to, uh…” That seems to be where his confidence wavers again, though, and he leans his head back to look up at Nate.

Nate sighs and gives a small wave, taking stock of the group of people around him. His smile looks far more preoccupied than the one Dennis had to offer. “We were visiting some friends in the area. Planned on going out to do some hunting.” He points to the shotgun leaned up against the arm of his chair as evidence. “That went about how you might expect.”

The next speaker looks almost as nervous as Dennis at first but a deep breath seems to change his demeanor entirely, leaving him with an easy smile and a new air of confidence. “I’m Alex.” That confidence is put to the test as he glances down at the flakes of dried blood and god alone knows what else left on his palms. It leaves his face a little paler when he looks back up again and he distracts himself by introducing his friends instead of delving into their situation. “This is Val…Macy…Sasha…Nick. The dog’s Parker. We’re—”

“5 Year Mentality!” Her anxiety forgotten, Jo sits forward, eyes wide and excited. “Oh my god! I knew you looked familiar. Alex Niccols. Holy shit. I was supposed to go to your concert tomorrow.”

Val grunts, lip turning upward in a not at all subtle scowl. “Great. End of the world and we’re still stuck with a fucking fangirl.”

Jo’s face goes red and Alex sighs, confidence dissolving nearly as quickly as it had appeared. “Uh, yeah. We’re on tour. Well, we were anyway. Our driver stopped to help somebody on the side of the road and…yeah.”

“So, uh,” Dennis seems to have either regained his own courage or decided that helping Alex regain his is just more important and leans forward with a faint grin. “You usually tour with a vintage T-bird in tow?”

Alex actually laughs and grins right back. “Figured the guy who bought it wasn’t gonna be using it any time soon. If I’m gonna die anyway—” He shrugs. “—might as well drive to hell in style, right?”

Most of their circle laughs as well, taking any chance they can to relax for however short a time, and as soon as they go quiet again there is a little squeak and “I’m Amanda! I’m five!” Which gets all those who laughed before to do so again and finally draws attention to the last unwitting member of their little village.

Nate is the one who finally leans forward, perfectly nonchalant as he drapes his arms down over Dennis’s chest and yet… “Your turn, draugs.”

The man now holding everyone’s attention leans back into his chair, eyebrows raised as he takes a lazy drag off of his cigarette, ignoring everyone else in favor of studying the young man who seems to be so intent upon studying him. “Viktor.”

There is an uneasy shift among the others and Nate narrows his eyes for a moment before nodding. “Pleasure to meet you, Viktor. Just out of curiosity, since I couldn’t help but notice that you’re packing pretty heavy and you’ve got – what? – a sniper set up somewhere out there?” Around them, everyone else shares a few wary glances. Dennis sighs and mutters something in Nate’s ear but his words are ignored. “So, what exactly is it that you do for a living?”

Viktor takes another drag and leans forward, blowing a long stream of smoke out of the corner of his mouth as he plasters on a perfectly placid smile. “Former FBI, current investigative specialist. Federal reserve.” He shrugs. “My partner just happens to be manning the military surplus shop across the lot. Hell of a shot, ne?”

It is silent for a full minute, everyone just watching the two men stare at one another before Shannon sits up, her voice cracking just slightly as she suggests that they start making plans for the best way to make sure everyone is comfortable for the night.

---

“Any bright ideas, bossman?”

Viktor scowls and knocks cigarette ash over the sea of undead below as he looks toward the distant rooftop where he knows his partner to have set up camp. “Aside from shooting the perky daycare woman who won’t let me smoke in peace? Ne.”

There is a snort on the other end of the line. “Patience, ’mano. Not your strong suit with people, I know, but a good thing to have. Necessary even.”

“Sklapni. I’m not threatening to shoot the five year old. What more do you want?”

Everything goes quiet for a moment aside from the groaning and howling of the jostling horde and then, “Five year old?”

With a grunt, Viktor takes a seat on the edge of the roof and flicks the smoldering butt of his cigarette into the crowd. “Ano. Yes. My army consists of a daycare worker, a store manager, two security guards, a couple of hunters, a bunch of rockstars, and a five year old.” He pauses for a moment before adding, “And a dog.”

Miguel sounds distracted as he laughs in his ear. “And the only one you get along with es el perro.”

“Pretty much.”

“How did I know?”

“Hn.”

Another cigarette flashes into life on either side of the plaza and there is another quiet moment.

“Just try to play nice over there, sí?”

“Define nice.”

Viktor can almost hear the roll of the other man’s eyes and that, at least, puts a genuine smile on his face.

---

“So, uh, we got a plan yet?”

Nate frowns, glancing up toward Dennis’s place at the door to the main store before returning to rummaging through the rear of the hatchback. When the group as a whole had decided that they might as well just hold tight in the mall for a while, what with how many undead currently had them surrounded, Dennis had suggested that the two of them should probably head back down and see what sort of useful supplies they could believably scrounge up while maintaining the cover of a plain old hunting trip. Eric and that band kid, Alex, had come down with them but they had since headed back upstairs with a bunch of luggage that had been left in the T-bird upon first arrival. It is painfully quiet, aside from the muffled groans emanating from the zombie horde outside and the intermittent noises of the ventilation system kicking in and out and that obviously has Dennis on edge. To be fair, it has Nate pretty twitchy, too. Occasionally the garage door rattles but whatever Alex had done to the gears earlier is thus far doing an extremely impressive job of keeping any creeping fingers from wiggling their way underneath. Unless the zombies managed to full-out bust their way through, that door is going absolutely nowhere.

“The way I see it,” Nate says, “we don’t actually have a lot of options. In fact, all we’ve got right now is the knowledge that we’re relatively well-armed and stocked on food. Twelve people and a dog could probably live in here for a month or two without any trouble.”

There is a pause before Dennis takes a deep breath and blurts out, “What about Viktor’s partner?”

That makes Nate stop and he slowly raises his head to peer over at Dennis again, finding his eyes met and locked. “What about him?”

Dennis furrows his brow. “We’re supposed to help people, right? Protect them from—I mean, this kind of thing would—Zombies are in the bestiary so…”

“Yes.” With a sigh, Nate moves out from behind the car and leans his shoulder into passenger side instead, arms crossed over his chest. “Yes, zombies are in the bestiary and yes, we are supposed to help people and okay, fine, that includes the secretive asshole and his sniper, despite the fact that I am absolutely certain that both of them can pretty obviously take care of themselves and—” He holds up a hand to hush whatever is about to come out of Dennis’s mouth next. “—yes, I am aware that we should be grateful for his sniper’s help. We’d have had a hell of a time getting in here without him. Satisfied?”

There is a pause, Dennis pressing his lips together in thought, then he offers a sheepish smile and shrugs. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Any other questions? Things you want to tell me off for?”

“Actually, yeah, question. Am I allowed to play with Amanda or would that be considered befriending your enemy by association?”

Nate throws his hands up and just goes right back around to finish resorting their supplies for easy transport. “He’s not my enemy, you dope, he’s just keeping secrets and I don’t like it. Besides, I know what everyone else is thinking and I’m not convinced that Amanda’s actually his but…”

Dennis grins and comes over to join him, bending his knees and stooping to bridge the height gap between them as he kisses Nate on the cheek. “She sure does seem attached to him, though, huh?”

“Stop trying to throw your back out, you fucking giant.” Nate gives him a proper kiss, then shoves a bag of camping gear into his chest to hide his own smile. “Now let’s get out of here. This place is giving me the creeps.”

---

“So here’s the deal,” Eric had said the moment that they were all gathered again. “This is the best furniture department in the mall so I’m making the executive decision that we stay put. We’ve only got three storefronts between here and the nearest restrooms but I’d still rather we didn’t let anybody go alone or unarmed just in case. We’ll take turns keeping watch overnight because I don’t know about the rest of you but that’ll definitely help me sleep easier. Anybody needs PJs or just some clean clothes—” He makes a point of looking toward Alex with only a quick glance toward Viktor. “—I can open up pretty much any store you want. Not like anybody’s asset management is going to come yelling at me any time soon. Just stick to the second floor. Agreed?”

Half an hour later, they are all down to the varying levels of undress in which they intend to sleep and are discussing the logistics of who is going to sleep where. Well, most of them are, anyway. Some people have simply taken up residence in their own selected spots and silently informed everyone else to fuck off. Luckily, Viktor’s selected spot happens to be on the furthest sofa away from pretty much everyone else. Meanwhile, the band kids have pulled a futon off of its display and tucked it in behind the nearby help desk with an assortment of pillows and blankets piled up around it like an extremely compact sleepover and Shannon and Jo have moved a few curtain display units to create their own little room. Nate and Dennis find things a little more difficult and have to hunt for a display mattress that isn’t going to completely kill Dennis’s back, a task which no one else seems to have realized would be such a feat until the giant finally stood at his full 7-foot height in front of everyone to help retrieve some bedding from a higher shelf. Even Viktor had looked a bit shocked by that.

By the time the main lights cut out, everything seems to be just about settled, and Eric does one last lap of the group before dropping a couple of blankets into the recliners that he and Jamie had selected. “We all good? I can dim the security lights a little if they’re bugging anybody too much. Want make sure everybody gets some sleep.” His words, however, draw very little attention as there is a much more pressing matter in need of attending just beyond the next display.

“Amanda, honey?” Shannon is crouched down by the little girl who is currently curled up on the floor, clinging to Parker and using the dog’s broad back as a pillow. Not far away, Dennis and Nate share a quick glance, one worried and the other significantly more frustrated.

“Amanda,” Shannon says again, still receiving no response. “Do you want to come sleep with me, maybe? Jo and I have our own little space. It can be just us girls. What do you say?”

The five year old just bites her lip and curls up a little bit tighter.

“She can keep Parker out there if she wants,” Alex quietly offers. “He’d get too hot over here anyway.”

After another moment, Macy gets up and pads out with one of their blankets and an extra pillow for the little girl even as Shannon keeps trying. “Amanda. Come on, baby. You can have your own bed and everything. We’ll make it up nice and soft and—”

The exasperated grunt that finally makes her stop causes everyone to jump and though most of them are unable to really see him from where they sit, Viktor’s one arm rises just barely into everyone’s view. “Jdeš sem, holčička.” His hand motions her over somewhat roughly. “Come here.”

Still biting her lip, Amanda slowly sits up but only hesitates until he finally opens one eye and turns his head to face her, brow arched with an irritable, “Well?” Then she hops to her feet and scurries over to curl up on the man’s chest. He simply ignores their audience, tosses part of his blanket over her, and closes his eyes once again.

---

The first morning comes and goes in a general whirl of coffee and the occasional cigarette, breakfast provided courtesy of Shannon and the nearest break room, until they all hear a whole lot of noise coming from somewhere downstairs and everything immediately goes quiet amongst them. It only takes a few minutes of hushed discussion for them to decide that the security guards and hunters will run recon and see if they can find the source. They return almost as quickly with the news that some of animals have escaped from the pet store and are now wandering freely about the first floor. This, of course, begs the question of how that might have happened and leads to the subsequent decision that they are going to have to do another sweep of the lower level in the very near future.

“So…” Alex watches as Macy and Amanda play with a box of kittens that Dennis had collected from the shop’s window, the little furballs happily climbing all over the ever patient Parker. “In all likelihood, there’s at least one more of those things still down there.”

“That’s all we can figure,” Eric agrees with a shrug. “By the time we got to the pet shop, it wasn’t there anymore but I can’t really think of any other explanation.”

Nate nods. “Half of the cages were on the floor. Even if the animals just got spooked by something, there’s the matter of what could have scared them.”

Val is the one who finally gets tired of the ensuing silence and leans forward to place her elbows on the table with a pointed thunk. “So, boys and girls, are we hunting this bitch down or what?”

---

The mall is basically shaped like an X and it only makes sense that they divide up into four hunting parties. Eric and Jamie stick together to cover the wing with the food court so they can be sure to check all of the nooks and crannies but the rest of the teams are divided with weapons proficiency in mind. Nate and Val take one hall, Dennis and Jo take another, and Alex finds himself headed down the last one with Viktor. It takes a great deal of arguing with a very panicked little girl to get that last one to fly, though.

“We don’t know which way it would’ve gone,” Eric had told them, “so watch your back.”

Val had checked her gun and flashed Viktor a glare at that, adding a simple, “And your partner’s.”

Aside from the occasional shop still playing its music mix through the in-store speakers, however, and a video place with ads still looping on their front display, their slow walk down hall four is proving to be surprisingly quiet. Watching some random anime character run across an absurdly oversized tv screen, Alex figures that the silence is really what creeps him out the most. He feels pretty safe assuming that the others are at least talking to their partners enough to strategize but his companion? Yeah, not so much. At least he can be sure that Viktor, of all people, is going to completely ignore the sight of the four-by-six-foot poster of his face plastered to the inside of some alt shop’s front window, signs around it displaying a countdown to a concert that will never happen. Anyone else and there might have been some sort of comment but no. With Viktor, he gets absolutely nothing. Just keep on walking and get the job done. For that much, Alex is pretty damn grateful.

Contrast to the eerie silence, the crash of a sign falling somewhere down an exit corridor is nearly enough to make him piss himself. “Fuck.” His voice cracks in a tremendously unflattering fashion. “Please just be a puppy or something.”

Viktor actually snorts at that as he returns from checking the entrance space to the nearest restrooms. He still says nothing, just brings his gun to the ready and starts toward the source of the sound. Alex takes a deep breath before following close behind, then has to literally bite his tongue to stop himself from swearing when he jumps at the sound of something running into the doors on the other side of a massive fountain and welcome sign. It is definitely not a puppy.

“I take left,” Viktor instructs, voice low and eyes focused on whatever lie ahead.

Well, shit. Alex takes a deep, steadying breath, and carefully creeps off to the right. He barely has to round his side of the fountain to see it.

What looks like it was once a janitor is there at the locked door, smearing blood all over the class as it claws at its own reflection. On the left, Viktor whistles to get the thing’s attention. To the right, Alex’s heart just about stops when it turns toward him instead. Luckily, it hits the ground with a hole in its head before it even gets close enough for him to properly smell.

“Well,” Viktor mutters, “that was a bit too—Duck.”

“Huh?”

The shriek behind him is more than enough to help Alex process the order, though, and he dives out of the way at almost the exact same time as a bullet whizzes past, not nearly far enough from where his head had just been for his liking. It leaves the second janitor sprawled in a double-dead bloody mess on top of him and he finally lets the curses he had been holding back burst right out.

Like some sort of terrible chain reaction, you shoot one and the sound draws the attention of another. A good dozen or so are banging on the outside doors now with another wave coming up behind them and when he looks back—“Behind you!”

A few trips to the shooting range with his grandfather had shown Alex early on that his aim was shit under pressure which is just another reason why he appreciates being paired up with the big, mean, Federal agent. All that Alex has to manage is a single shot that does enough to slow the attack and then it feels kind of like watching a high-end action film in real life. Viktor spins with the warning barely out of Alex’s mouth and has his hand perfectly positioned to catch the creature by the throat as it loses its balance mid-lunge. The weight and momentum are enough to knock Viktor’s feet out from under him, sure, but he keeps his hold, hand locked tight under the joint of the jaw, even as they both crash into the fountain’s pool. Not two seconds later, his pistol is still pointed at where the monster’s right eye had once been and the entrance hall is splattered with… Well, Alex would really rather not think about it.

That silence comes in again, everything gone deathly still aside from the splashing of the water and the rattling of the undead at the doors, and then Alex’s voice cracks again. “What the fuck do you pack, man?”

Viktor tosses the corpse aside and spits a wad of red and grey as he climbs back out onto dry land. “Glock 20C. 10 mm Auto. Good for hunting deer.”

“Fuck.”

“Hm.” There is a pause as the man looks himself over and grimaces before spitting again and mutter more to himself than to current company, “Well, here’s hoping the infection requires them to swallow bits of you.”

Alex simply stares up at him, slack-jawed, from his place on the floor until Viktor arches a brow. “Co?” “You—” Alex blinks, splutters. “Dude. You have a sense of humor.”

Viktor huffs and the sound very nearly sounds like a laugh. “Lose your new sweetheart and let’s finish this job.” Another blink, a look of confusion, and then Alex slowly turns his head to all but shriek as the dead janitor’s face falls a little closer to his own.

---

There is a low whistle over the line as Viktor pulls a chair up to the edge of the roof. “Mierda, ’mano. What happened to you?”

So begins an excellent afternoon, much as zombie hunting had begun such an excellent morning.

“We need a plan before I shoot something living,” Viktor states some time later as he levels his sights on another target. “The zatracený daycare girl is still trying my patience and at least one other person in here would be more than happy to see the store manager gone.” He fires. “If we don’t get out of here soon…”

“Just don’t forget me once you get out, sí?”

Viktor snorts. “What do you think I’m going to do, just leave you on the roof with your rifle and drive off into the sunset with a bunch of people I can’t even stand?”

“Watch the sarcasm, ’mano. I might be tempted.”

Looking up, Viktor smirks directly into the rifle’s sights. “Go ahead. Most people in here would likely be relieved.”

There’s a tsk-ing noise and he can see the weapon being lowered on the other rooftop. “No fun if you make it easy.”

#otto writes #writing: after infection #writing #original characters

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