#james thinking she was just ignoring him WHEN SHE DIDN'T GET THE LETTERS

[sagedumortain]

Favourite James & Celestine moments in The Fernweh Saga Book One: Celestine taking the first step in the past and James taking the first step in the present ♡

[luveline]

hey! would you mind writing sirius black x reader (ole flame or something) when they meet for the first time since azkaban at a meeting for the order? thank you and happy holidays!

thank u for requesting, hope this is OK! ♡

—you and sirius both get to go home eventually, 2.2k. fem

You were still kids when Sirius… went away. You thought he hurt James and Lily, and it didn't matter that you loved him because he was evil and cruel and he hurt the people he loved most in the world, and then you were outposted thousands of miles eastward, your life a shadow. 

Remus sent you letters. You always answered, even when it hurt, but his last was too much to believe. You told yourself that someone forged his handwriting through a curse or some new gimmick, and then a second arrived with a smaller envelope hidden inside. 

No name written on it. No Dear anything to begin. 

Things are different to what you've been told. Please come home, it said. This penmanship was shaken like a hand out of practice, but something felt familiar in the curves and dots. 

If Remus’ letter (and the second smaller one too) were in fact telling the truth, it means you did something awful, and so, for a while, you don't go. 

Please, the next letter says, again enclosed within a larger explanation from Remus, I'm sorry. I just want to see you again. 

Getting home isn't as simple as he might think. You have to picture the destination very clearly to disapparate, and you have no sustained recollection anymore of the places you used to go. You remember silly things, slices of memories; the four of them laughing in a big green field, the sweet smell of hair oil to your left; the beige walls of a rented flat where you'd lay in bed for hours, sometimes days at a time, before things got too terrible to sleep; a string-lit garden that last summer, hands of poker on a glass table. These places aren't real anymore. You can't go back to them. 

Upon your request, Molly forwards you an address and a secret code. 

Trains, buses, trains again. A long walk through a cold street. Some secret this or that. You arrive in the night and a frowning face ushers you in, past a painting sealed away and up the creaking stairs. You spend hours sitting on the end of a bed coated in dust waiting for the sun to rise, your back stiff with nerves. You could slip out before anyone else knows you're here, it's not as if Moody would give you away. But why did you come, if you were going to run straight back to your outpost? 

You don't want Sirius’ betrayal to be true, of course. It took your breath away imagining what it would mean if he hadn't done what you thought. If it's all lies (as it seems to be), if he's innocent as he and Remus claim, it means you turned your back on him and left him to suffer, and he's still asking you to come home. 

A few people stir for breakfast. Molly, who's voice you remember, and some younger sounding ones that may be her children, or perhaps the newer Order recruits. Then comes Remus’ voice. He sounds different. Less Welsh, more tired. Homely anyways as he passes your door with someone beside him. 

“...any day now,” he's saying, “try not to worry.” 

“I do worry. I've worried about it every day for years.” 

You freeze up. 

The stairs creak, Remus’ voice moving further away. “She doesn't need worrying.” 

Sirius must stay at the top of the stairs for a moment. He sounds close. “I wouldn't know what she needs.” 

“Come have some breakfast.” 

“I'll write her again.” 

“After breakfast.” 

“What if she doesn't come?” 

“After breakfast,” Remus insists. “She can ignore you once we've had toast.” 

“I forgot how funny you are,” Sirius mutters. 

Hearing his voice fills you with doubt. He sounds nothing like he used to, no easy confidence to be heard, just fatigue. 

You look down at your hands. Hearing his voice has a new emotion sprouting, too. When you first learned what had happened to your friends, you felt anger like a knife everywhere you went. How could he do that to them? How could he do it to you, be that person, ruin everything you'd loved and made together? But later, when anger faded and grief ached, you'd missed the Sirius you loved. Shamefully, in longing pangs, you'd toss and turn to dreams where things were different. 

Now there's a chance he might still be that person, and you're hiding from him in his own house. 

“There's someone here,” Molly says as you leave your room, her voice nearly too quiet to hear from the kitchen. “Moody's told me this morning.” 

“What?” Arthur asks. 

“Who?” a younger voice says. 

A small intermission of quiet. “Well, I don't know,” Molly says eventually, though she must have guessed it was you from the letter you sent. “But I'll need another loaf of bread. You'd better go, boys.” 

“Mum,” one whines. 

“Come on now.” 

The stairs whimper as you descend, the bannister sticky with old gloss under your hand. Paisley wallpaper and drapes catch your eye as you pass the overflowing shoe rack. There must be more people here than you'd thought. The coat stand is similarly overloaded. 

You can see into the kitchen as soon as you take the last step down. Molly stands wringing a dish cloth between her hands, two teenage boys at the kitchen table. Remus stands near her right with a cup of tea, and when he sees you, he genuinely smiles. 

“Oh, good,” he says, the scar that bisects his lip pulling as he takes a sip of tea. 

The teenagers turn to see you. “Bread, boys! Arthur, you can go with them," Molly says.

Arthur doesn't complain. You falter in the hallway, quiet as the trio of Weasley's leave the kitchen in their slippers to take a quiet exit from the front door. They smile politely as they go, but the boys whisper as the door shuts behind them. You wonder if they have an inkling of who you are, and then you wonder what you might say now they're gone. 

Molly remains, inquisitive to know that you need privacy but also the security of her company. She was always smart like that.

“Come in, then,” Remus says. 

“I–” You clear your throat. “I'm not sure I should.” 

A startle of silverware against china. 

Remus gives you one of his looks. It has tears threatening to well. Why didn't I fight to see him more? you think. Suddenly years have passed and he's changed, but his reassuring glances remain. It's like he's saying everything is fine, why wouldn't everything be fine? Chin up, dove.

Sirius appears in the doorway. Dark circles beneath grey eyes, his cheeks gaunt with hunger rather than the sleek sharpness he once possessed. He's still pretty, if wounded. It's as though you've found an old photo of him that's been smudged with age. He's stepped out of one of your moulding albums to haunt you. 

“Angel,” he breathes, his hand clasped low on the doorway, “you're here.” 

You look past him to Molly and Remus. There isn't a reality nor dimension where they'd let him stay here if they didn't believe his innocence. Remus explained it all in the letter and still you worried if he might have gotten it wrong, and simply believed what he wanted to believe, but it's not possible. Remus loved James so much, he would've killed Sirius himself if he really thought Sirius was the secret keeper who betrayed them. 

So. It's a relief to be home. 

You stare at him. “You look tired,” you say quietly. 

“I'm fine. I am.” 

He seems alright, considering. You'd even say he was handsome with his hair pushed away from his face, a dark shadow of stubble around his mouth, but he looks exhausted.  

You're expecting him to say what you'd say. How could you ever think I'd do it? 

Sirius was prone to similar bouts of pride, or righteousness, justice, whatever you want to call it, but he doesn't bother with that now. He looks at you as though you're the only person on earth, gaze narrowed but eyes wide, pain between his brows as he asks, “What's wrong?” 

Your hand finches up to your cheek to wipe the sudden tear away. “I thought I'd never see you again.” Your Sirius. 

“Don't be upset,” he pleads. 

“How can I not be? I left you all alone for so long.” 

He laughs roughly. “Sweetheart, what were you supposed to do?” 

“Not just give up.” 

“You thought it was me. That's the only thing you could've done. Either of you,” he says, gesturing backward with his hand. “It was hard… to know who to trust, at the end. It's not your fault.” 

You really were only kids together, not half as in love as James and Lily, but that doesn't mean you weren't mad for each other. He looked after you. You would've had a life, you think. 

“You were just gone,” you say, looking down at the floor between you, eyes tracing lines of wood grain. “Everyone. There was nobody left. And I just let you go.” 

“Do you want to come here?” he asks. You lift your head. His hand is barely in front of him, fingers open, palm up. 

It's like taking a stranger's hand for the first few seconds. You keep them low between you both, unfamiliar to each other. But, you find, as his fingers wrap around yours in that selfish way they used to do, squeezing rather than intertwining to make all of them fit, he remembers you.

You step a little closer, your arm to his chest, and look up at him through your lashes. It would melt him like a candle near a furnace, this look. He'd be smug or seething about something and you'd sidle in to stand between his shoes, unsure of what to say but determined to be there for him. It's the same now.  

“What's wrong?” he asks under his breath. 

“I left you all alone,” you repeat. 

“It wasn't your choice, okay?” He smooths his free hand from your elbow to your upper arm. 

Molly says something to Remus. He chuckles and says something in return. Happier to admit it if it's only for Sirius’ ears, you say, “I'm really sorry, Sirius. I miss you every day.” 

“I miss you too,” he says. 

You push your arms around his waist and hide your face in his chest, feeling for the lines of who he used to be, the dip of his spine in his back or the soft cotton of one of his old t-shirts. You regret hugging him at all, until he puts his arm behind your head, a shaky breath released against your crown. 

I'm scared, he'd said. But I don't want you to be scared, okay? Barely twenty, he smelled of the sticky red powder on the end of matches after a night doing things he couldn't tell you about. You could tell him you loved him, and he you, but you weren't to discuss Order business. We'll be okay. 

But Lily–

Everyone's going to be fine. I promise. 

“You promised,” you say to yourself. Too quiet for him to hear, but he does. 

“I promised you so many things I'm not sure what one you mean,” he says with a disappointed laugh. 

You pull away, taking his face into two hands. “How do you feel?” you ask, ignoring the tremble working up from your wrists. 

“What?” His eyes are dark. 

“How are you? Did they– I mean, are you okay? Are you sick?” 

“Remus has patched me up. And Cordelia, the medwitch, you know her?” 

“I don't know anyone. I've been away.” 

He nods sadly. “Yeah. Well, you look the same.” 

“I don't.” 

“You do! You look the same,” —he almost sounds happy, his lips curling into a smile— “sweetheart. Sweetheart–” He closes his eyes. 

You push his hair behind his ears. “You don't look the same,” you confess, “you have wrinkles, right… here.” You touch the corners of his eyes. 

“You're still beautiful.” 

“Mm. You can't even see me.” 

“I don't need to see you. I knew you would be.” 

You rise up to kiss his cheek gently. “It's like you're back, like– like, I always felt like you were gone. And now you're home again. You are home, aren't you?” 

He covers your hand with one of his. “You're here, so–” 

You laugh together nervously. “Yeah, I'm here.” 

“I have stuff to do to make it right.” 

“Then we'll do it.” 

“Okay,” he says. He swallows a breath, and wraps you in a surprisingly tight hug. “Did you read my letters?” 

I don't want anything from you. Just to see you're okay. 

“I read them. I'm okay. Don't I look okay?” 

“You look perfect. Just like the last time I saw you,” he says. It startles you how suddenly he sounds like he did when you were young, his flirting drawl, voice velveteen. 

“Not like that,” you laugh. 

He pulls you as close as you can be, rough now, his arms solid around you. “I missed that,” he says, rubbing your back. “I forgot how you sound when you laugh.” 

You've led very different lives. “I didn't forget yours.” 

“You wouldn't. You love having things to hold against me.” 

You stroke his hair. “Maybe a little.” 

[lowkeyrobin]

Can you make a Maleficent and Hades story where they are in a secret relationship with the reader, and the reader feels unwanted and neglected due to Maleficent and Hades not wanting to show their relationship with the reader publicly but shows the two of them off. The reader becomes distant, and with their natural stubbornness refuses to tell Hades and Maleficent. But they figure it out anyways, and show the reader otherwise. OR any Walker Scobell platonic story

oooo okay I can try for you!! ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy!! ; also this sucks too, I'm sorry idk why writers block has been beating my ass recently

MALEFICENT & HADES ; ignorance

summary ; youre in a relationship with hades and maleficent, but it feels like they only want to care about you in private

warnings ; language, they're kinda ooc cause they spoke literally twice so I apologize

word count ; 858

masterlist

Maleficent and Hades were the most popular couple in school, the most powerful of duos. Then there was you, thrown to the sidelines, neglected until needed. You were like an old textbook tossed into the back of someone's locker until they needed it.

You loved them, you really did. You didn't know what you were doing wrong.

With every attempt to hold their hands or kiss their cheeks, they'd shove you away or try and shrug you off. But no, when it was them it was completely fine. God forbid it was you to Maleficent or Hades, though.

Fine then.

They could walk around school by themselves, they could go on little adventures through the enchanted forest themselves, they could scheme up mischievous ideas with Uliana by themselves for all you cared. You were going to give them the silent treatment until they got their act together. You were too stubborn to want to talk it out, finding that they could unravel their actions to figure out why. They were smart, they could do it.

You sit at your usual lunch table outside with the other members in your group, sitting across from Morgie. Hook sits beside you while Uliana sits beside him. Next to Morgie, in the middle and end, sits Maleficent and Hades. You quietly pick at your lunch, conversing with Uliana, Morgie, and Hook while your boyfriend and girlfriend whisper to each other.

"Do you guys wanna go get ice cream later?" Morgie asks, scanning his friend's faces.

"Oo, sure" you smile. "I could kill some strawberry ice cream right now"

Maleficent and Hades share confused, raised eyebrows before she speaks up. "You don't like strawberry ice cream"

You ignore them, giving them the silent treatment. You liked strawberry ice cream, Hades was the one who hated it. You turn to Hook. "Actually, you wanna share a banana split with me?"

James' eyes slightly widen as he slowly looks between you and Maleficent and Hades, trying to figure out why you blatantly ignored your partners. He looks back at you, silent. You raise an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

"Uhm..." he glances at your partners, assuming you were fighting, and he just wanted to be nice. "Yeah, sure,"

"Cool!" you smile, looking back at Uliana and then Morgie, "You guys wanna share with us?"

"Sure,"

"Okay,"

Your partners sneer, throwing nasty looks at you and the others. Hm... only matters when it's convenient for them, huh?

It'd been over a week since you started ignoring your partners. Every touch, every magical letter sent to your dorm, every attempt to talk to you, you weren't budging. They stand behind you, confused, watching as you walk away once more, Hook and Morgie at your sides.

Was this your way of silently breaking up with them and trying to make them jealous? Did you three have some secret thing going on? God, they hoped not.

"Did we do something?" Hades asks.

Maleficent shrugs, head tilting. "Maybe. I think?"

"You did," Uliana sighs, approaching from behind. "You only wanna show affection to them in private. They wanna be public with you two, too"

The duo blink silently, sharing looks.

"Fuck,"

"Shit,"

"Glad you woke up."

Hades and Maleficent approach you sitting alone on a bench with flowers in their hands, or... Maleficent's hands, Hades holds a mixtape in his that he was giving you as an apology gift. Headphones rest on your head as you stare into the Enchanted Forest, music drowning out your surroundings.

They sit beside you, Hades on your left, Maleficent on your right. You glance between them, furrowed brows showing your attitude and confusion.

"You're mad at us..." Hades begins, fidgeting with one of the straps of his jacket as you slump down on the bench, not wanting to deal with this right now. "And honestly, if I was you, I'd be mad too. Uhm," he looks up at Maleficent, wanting her to take over.

She sighs, rolling her eyes. "We apologize for neglecting you and making you feel like we didn't love you and we had to hide you." she holds out a bouquet of black and withered roses out for you, which she picked herself. Her neck of the forest had the most beautiful flower bushes.

Hades continues, "That was really shitty of us, and we'll never let it happen again if you give us another chance. We love you a lot. We love your jokes and your little sparks of affection and your thoughtful gifts, your personality..." he's unable to keep eye contact for a moment before he holds out the mixtape for you. "We've learned our lesson."

You look between the two, slowly accepting their gifts, holding them in your hands.

"I don't know how to feel right now, but I am at fault for ignoring you because I'm stubborn," you speak, hands tracing over the words on the cassette.

Maleficent wraps her arms around you, a soft smile on her face as she whispers an 'I'm sorry' into your hair.

You smile, opening your other arm for Hades, which he accepts rather swiftly.

Hm, maybe they weren't all that bad.

[iamnmbr3]

How do you think Sirius and Lily would have gotten along while at school? Love your metas!! 🥰

Thank you so much! That's so kind of you to say. This is a really fascinating question. Obviously I think initially they didn't get along well since in the SWM scene Lily doesn't seem to think too highly of the Marauders. She's especially bothered by James but quite clearly doesn't get on with any of them - and we see that started right from their first meeting on the train (which paralleled Harry and Draco so much it's wild, but that's another post).

They were also housemates and had to be around each other but I think probably they mostly ignored each other. I think the antagonism was probably pretty one sided in the sense that I don't think she was a target of the Marauders' bullying. James probably tried to get her attention but Sirius probably didn't really care. His priority was James. So yeah, probably there was a chilly distance between them along with maybe some grudging respect because they are both talented and smart enough to notice each other's abilities (though I think Sirius probably also overlooked and underestimated her to an extent and didn't really understand her or see her the way Snape did), given that James certainly seems a bit wary of being hexed by Lily in the book 5 Pensieve memory. They have to live in proximity so probably Lily was cooly cordial when she wasn't actively angry about something, and Sirius was probably about the same since he didn't really care about her but knew his best mate fancied her.

Later things get more complicated. Because later Lily and Sirius have something in common. They've both fallen for the same person. I read Sirius as gay with unrequited feelings for James. On the one hand, he wants his best friend to be happy. On the other hand, it's hard seeing the person you're in love with getting together with someone else. It was one thing when James fancied Lily and she didn't like him back. Quite another thing when in 7th year suddenly they're getting on, and then not just getting on, but actually falling for each other and falling hard. Sirius could probably be moody even back then (tho probably less than he was post-Azkaban) so I think sometimes those feelings probably bubbled forth and led to some coldness or tension. But he probably tried to tamp it down as best he could.

And of course we know from the short prequel that James went running off to galavant with Sirius while Lily was left at home and that when James became increasingly frustrated with being cooped up in Godric's Hollow, Lily turned to Sirius for help because she thought he might be able to reach James when she couldn't. So there's also the question of who is really first in his regard - who he respects and listens to and has the most emotional intimacy with. Which again could create some tension.

Also, for Sirius James is always the priority. He cares about Lily and accepts her as family because she's James's girlfriend - and later his wife. Not because they necessarily would've been friends otherwise. So there's this interesting dynamic where he would die for her and sees her as family, but also he's not that interested in her as a person and she knows he would drop her if she and James broke up.

Even so, on a surface level they get along. They're both funny and clever and quick and a bit detached. The letter she wrote to him in book 7 speaks to some emotional intimacy between them. and that probably started in book 7.

Another bonding point, beyond the fact that now they spend a lot of time around each other bc of James is that there's a war that's picking up steam and they're both on the same side of it, which creates a sense of camaraderie. Not to mention, Sirius knows all about having an estranged sibling.

So yeah I think their relationship is messy and complicated and contradictory - both close and distant, brothers in arms and family by choice, but also rivals in affection who never understand each other beyond a surface level. People who resent each other but also need each other, who are inextricably bound together and part of each other's lives and yet separated by unbridgeable gaps, who rely on each other and yet don't know each other.

[hazel-of-sodor]

Something Holy This Way Comes

Ch.20 Letters

Other Stories

Other Chapters

Cassandra lounged in the evening light, enjoying the first signs of spring. Robert was reading her the latest letter from the North Western, this time it had been sent from their No.3.

“Percy managed to bury himself in a snowdrift near Ulfstead…”

“Of course he did.” Cassandra interrupted lazily, “near the road bridge I’d wager.”

“...he dislodged the snow from the cliffs above when whistling at a rude lorry on the road bridge,” Robert laughed as he read.

Cassandra shook her head as the other engines laughed, “I told him, but what do I know? I’ve only been running the line for forty years.”

Tyto snorted, “I think he takes you warning him as a challenge.”

“It feels like it at times,” Cassandra sighed, “it's not all his fault though.”

“The big engines mentioned his memory being affected…” Ceri said cautiously.

Cassandra nodded, “It comes and goes, but most of his accidents are caused by that.”

Robert continued, “James received a new coat of paint, but was then asked to cover coal trains while Jupiter goes in for overhaul. He has been insufferable.”

The three North Western engines all burst out laughing.

“Oh noooo…,” Ceri said.

“I'm so glad I'm not at Tidmouth right now.” Tyto laughed.

“James is your No.5 right, the one who kept coming up with schemes to keep from being painted black under the other railway?” Abbey asked.

“The same,” Cassandra chuckled, “he's very proud of his red paint, and always does his best to stay clean for as long as possible when repainted.”

“And instead he got put on coal duties,” Ceri laughed softly.

Robert shook his head and continued, “Eagle asks that Cassandra and Screech keep Tyto out of trouble.”

“We have been trying.” Screech said lazily.

“I’m not that bad.” Tyto protested. She was ignored.

“Jinty thought it would be funny to play a prank on Gordon and tell him that he overslept and was late for the express…so there is now a new record for the westward run of the Wild Nor’Wester.”

Abbey glared over at Enid, “Don’t even think about it.”

The engines chuckled as Enid protested her innocence.

Cassandra chuckled, “She needs to watch out, Gordon will get even.”

Robert read on, “Edward says to tell you hello and that Duck is managing the branch well in your absence, even if the news the quarry is buying a diesel has Daisy unusually smug, even for her.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes, “of course she is.”

“Why are they buying a diesel,” Ceri asked.

Cassandra stretched as she answered, her valve gear creaking as she did so, “most of the Quarries on my line use older engines as shunters, but they're wearing out. They companies came together and decided the first to get a new engine would try a diesel. The Ffarquhar Quarry Company shunter is the oldest, former Sodor and Mainland. They're being donated to the Suddery Rail Museum, as any overhaul to bring them back into service would risk having another engine waking in their frames, so they've ordered a class 04.”

Abbey glanced over at the lazily lounging tank engine, “...you already knew.”

“Of course. It's my branchline.” The tank engine said simply.

“And you didn't tell Daisy.”

“And deal with her being that smug? No thank you,” Cassandra snorted, “I told Percy just before I left.” 

Ceri burst out laughing, “oh that's genius, he would tell her without even thinking about it.”

“And I don't have to deal with it.” Cassandra confirmed smugly.

Robert smirked, “Toby says to tell you that he knows what you did.”

Cassandra just chuckled.

“Eric says hello to his little sister…”

“I am the oldest!” Cassandra protested

“...and that he is enjoying his time as Tidmouth Station pilot.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Cassandra could help but smile as she rolled her eyes at her younger sibling’s cheek.

“Eric is the engine built after your design right? Abbey asked.

“Yes, but he is a bit larger, an 0-6-2, which he claims makes him the big sibling, even though I’m almost forty years older than him.”

Robert suddenly smirked at the next paragraph and held it up for Cassandra to read. Her smirk joined his.

“I have good news,” she said.

“Oh?,” Freda said. She had been polishing Screech’s fittings with Gywn.

“Your new engine arrives next week,” Cassandra said smugly.

“What!?” The question came from several different angles.

The tank engine's eyes sparkled with mirth, “Part of the reason I was sent here was to see if the Uman and Din would be a good home for one of the engines I helped save. They’ve been overhauling her since I sent word shortly after I arrived. She's probably just finished being run in.”

“Won’t the Other Railway try to stop you from giving us an engine?” Becca asked hesitantly.

Cassandra shook her head, “As far as the Other Railway knows she was scrapped so they won't have any idea where you got her.”

“Are they a Swindon engine?” Enid asked hopefully. 

“It doesn’t matter if they are.” Abbey said firmly, “we’ll welcome them all the same no matter their origin.”

“Of course!” Enid agreed, “I’m very grateful that any engine is willing to make their home with us, and very happy Caomhnóir trusts us to take care of them…but I would like to see more of our cousins find a home here.” She said quietly.

Cassandra chuckled, “I understand the feeling,” she said warmly, “you’re all family.”

Enid nodded.

“...which is why I chose a Swindon built engine.”

She chuckled at the Uman and Din's happy whistles at the news.

[textingtroublesanswers]

For everyone that still has surviving family members, do all of your families approve of your relationships? I know John doesn't and Mikhail's family kinda judges them for the pregnancy thing, but is there other things of note from everyone else? (Not necessarily romantic either, this could also just be generally about their jobs as well :^) )

-🤡

Mikhail smiles through a mouthful of sandwich, "Mama & sisters adore Ludwig. Have never had a problem with my relationships, Yana & Bronislava are just confused about doktor being transsexual. They treat him like man, & treat him with respect, but they are big gossips," He chuckles & leans in to whisper conspiratorially, "Is family trait, to be gossip. Papa was huge gossip too, would have loved Ludwig. Both very intelligent men, both good at scheming, at planning & taking action."

Jane & John have been forced into a room together, as their father is still alive.

"Father would not be happy that I am with a man," John growls, "He always trusted me to be a proper American, to have a wife & children. Especially after his only daughter decided she no longer wants to do her duty as a daughter & sister."

Jane pointedly ignores that last comment.

"It was on me to continue the family legacy but..." John sighs & runs a hand through his beard, "I have never had an interest in women. I thought I was just too patriotic, that I only cared about my country! And then I met Ken..."

"Father never approved of anything," Jane scowls, "He wouldn't like Zhanna because she is a woman & father still sees me as a woman. He wouldn't like Tavish because he's a 'negro', even if he is a man. He wouldn't accept me being with both of them either. Father could never be happy for me."

John brushes imaginary dust from his jacket, "I think you chose well, Jane."

"I told you not to talk to me again, John."

"Sorry..."

In another room, the Scouts have been asked the same question.

Jeremy wears a wide grin, "Ma adores Mick & Bug! She thinks Bug is so charming & Mick is such a gentleman," His grin morphs into a sneer, "It took dad way too long to get used to Mick, & I still haven't fully forgiven him for it."

James huffs, "At least he cares."

"Hey, I heard him complaining about you dating Fritz."

"Seriously?"

"Unfortunately."

James grins a bit, "Heh. Ma would probably kill him if I introduced them to each other. I adore the idiot, but he is a massive crybaby, & ma is a hard lady."

Ken & Dell are sitting together, glaring at each other.

"Mom has met my girlfriend already, & she thinks Jacques is a swell choice," Dell chuckles, "I've also told her about Colette, & she thinks I've gotten real lucky after Irene's passing."

Ken smiles slightly, "She also thinks John is such a gentleman. Pa would've never approved of him, despite him working for BLU like he had."

"Pa didn't even approve of Irene. He said she was just a distraction." Dell sighs. Ken reaches over, rubbing his brother's back. Dell gives him a smile.

Tavish & Mick are sitting on either side of Fritz, who is still dressed as a cat. Neither of them knows what to say. Bug is sitting opposite them, holding the Mini Pyro gremlin.

Friedrich finally clears his throat, "Well, my parents haven't met James yet but I have sent them letters. They... Don't approve. They almost disowned me after they found out my wife & I got a divorce, & they threatened to take me out of my father's will when I told them I was with a man." He sighs.

Tavish tears his eye away from Fritz & rubs the back of his neck, "Me mom thinks Jane's me wife, but she likes both him & Zhanna. She says they're both too good for me," He sighs too, "Me dad would have liked them both too."

Mick shuffles in his seat, "My parents are dead now, but they got to meet Jay & Bug before. Dad said this was the only good thing that came out of this job, but my mom was smitten with the both of them, heh." Bug reaches over & pats his knee, giving him a bright smile. He takes her hand in both of his.

"Well, my mother & stepfather would probably kill me if they found out about my relationship," They say with an awkward chuckle, "My brother would have been very confused about it, before just saying alright, do whatever. But I know that papá would have loved them both, & been happy for us."

Ludwig is leaning against Jacques, looking so, so tired.

"Vater would not have approved of Mikhail. He has a PhD in literature, but he is not a doctor, he is not a scientist. He commands the 'wrong' sort of respect, & he..." Ludwig takes in a shaky breath, & Jacques wraps an arm around his shoulders, "Well, he failed to kill me. Vater would have been furious, if he were still alive, to know that Mikhail & I broke the curse, but he hadn't. That his unwanted daughter, the murderer of his beloved wife, got his happy ending while he had to suffer in the camps, had to lose everything. He would have been furious to know that the Humboldt family is a shell of its former self, that we have lost our glory."

Jacques rubs his back before speaking up herself, "My family is all dead. I was orphaned when I was 10, but I think my family would have liked Dell. He is charming, soft spoken, kind, & intelligent. My older sister might have been a bit jealous of me, however," She chuckles, "But they would have loved him. Him & Colette both."

[whinlatter]

omg, andromeda and ginny, parvati and harry, peter and lily, petunia and james (humor me)

waaaait i love these!

andromeda and ginny (@saintsenara also asked about andromeda and harry so answering that one here too): poor andromeda. your beloved husband, treasured daughter and the son-in-law you tolerate all die, and then you get (1) seventeen year old trying to do up godparent with his gobby girlfriend in tow. nightmare. in this is what andromeda imagined teddy would be up to each time harry and ginny babysat:

i reckon it takes andromeda a long time to properly warm up to and trust harry and ginny after the war. harry, she understands, has at least some claim to being involved in teddy's life as godfather that she honours even if she doesn't like it: ginny's just an add-on to that. i do tend to like the idea of andromeda as someone who left her family and married for love but who is still marked by her aristocratic origins, who retains a kind of protective conservativism and sense of propriety that makes her a bit sceptical of this guardianship arrangement of 'grandmother plus teenage godson plus his girlfriend apparently'. i think it gets a bit easier with time, though as teddy gets older, i can imagine harry still being quite deferential to andromeda's wishes while ginny's the one to lightly challenge andromeda's authority a bit more and taking a more liberal approach as a guardian to teddy. i can imagine them falling out over ginny buying teddy some booze or to taking him to get a piercing or tattoo or something. (andromeda was born in the mid-fifties, after all). this conflict with ginny reminds andromeda, painfully, of her clashes with dora all those years ago, which just makes it all that bit worse.

parvati and harry: yung parvati definitely fancied harry. and you know what? i maintain that yung harry thought parvati was quite fit too (he's into hair and he stares at hers a bit. i rest my case). i also maintain that the only reason yung harry didn't fancy parvati more is because she giggled too much and he can be such a sourpuss. and as a paid up member of the campaign to let girls giggle (CLGG) i say: justice for patil!

peter and lily: to me, peter was exactly the kind of misogynist dweeb that male friendship groups often pick up early and let slosh around within their ranks for far too long past their expiration date. (you know what i mean! there's so often that one guy! and he sucks! and they're like yeah but he's been here too long there's no getting rid! and then he ignores you when you go with them to the pub! fuck that guy!) i don't think peter and lily were ever close - i'm always struck how in her letter to sirius, lily talks about peter's visit in the context of her trying to have his friends visit to cheer him up, rather than out of her own affection for him ('James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell — also, Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons...') i tend to subscribe to the view of the marauders that is sirius, peter and, to a lesser but still real extent, remus, all orbiting james, and lily being closest with sirius of those four by virtue of him being james' best mate, but never really being one of the four of them herself, and definitely being least close with peter out of all of them. i don't think lily distrusted peter, but i think the secret-keeper switch shouldn't be taken as sign of great warmth and affection.

petunia and james: james, obviously, thought petunia was a fucking nightmare. petunia, obviously, thought james was a spoiled layabout wastrel of the highest order. she did however get a wee look at lily and james' wedding pictures despite herself and think sirius was really fit. just because she's a dickhead but that doesn't mean she can't have taste!

thanks anon!

[bengiyo]

I Feel You Linger in the Air Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Not!Ohm showed up again and convinced Jom to deliver a message to Fong Kaew. Whatever was in the letter inspired Fong Kaew to accept her role in this house, and she committed to seducing Robert. It has elevated her status, and this seemed to worry Maey. We also learned that Euangphueng and Maey conspired to bring Fong Kaew into the house to direct Robert's attention elsewhere. Meanwhile, Jom tried to cover for Prik so she could take care of her dying mother, and both were punished for this. Prik took the brutal reminder that she is just a servant for what it was. Jom is also losing it over the time stuff. He's realizing that he's the one drawing the pictures he found and is seeing himself in the future.

So, Puttyuban Bar is definitely some kind of speakeasy.

Yai seems very jealous of Jom looking at James.

Interesting. Last episode Robert got intense about a fire, and this week we're learning he may have used arson to evict people from lands he desires.

James and Yai said this is their favorite place, and we just got the backstory on Nuey. Feeling a lot of things about how hard it was for our people to find each other.

I hope James isn't revealed to be a douche later, because I like the way he regards Jom.

Nonkul's worried tone as Yai started drinking heavily was really good.

Man, what is happening to Jom? I keep thinking about Kindred and getting so nervous.

"He has become unstuck in time." -Zathras

Oh boy. I don't want Ming further involved with Fong Kaew and her situation with Khamsaen.

Yai is snooping!!

If they burned Fong Kaew's home and killed her dad just to get her to marry Robert...

Well played, Fong Kaew.

Petty Yai is amusing.

Wait, does Jom think that encounter was about food?

James saying Jom reminds him of his first lover in the time travel show carries implications.

And now James is telling Yai to shit or get off the pot. My feelings about community are swelling.

I get Jom running away. This is the past. It's dangerous for both of them, and he's hoping to leave.

I just love that Yai and James stressed multiple times that they respect if Jom doesn't like them or wants them to back off.

Jom is correct to worry about the society around them. No gays exist in a bubble.

"Our time has just begun," at the halfway point of the time travel show??? Ominous.

WHAT THAT MOUTH DO???

That was a really pretty kiss.

Next week they'll get clocked because it's hard to ignore when two people are vibing that hard

This was a beautiful episode. When I like to praise Tee for the queerness of his storytelling, I'm talking about moments like this. Tee understands that we've always been here, and many of our stories never got shared or passed down. Some of us didn't make it, and some of us were required to hide ourselves away. I think there's something really special about the way James accepted that he wasn't chosen and opted to give Yai a nudge.

[regulus-books]

part one | part two

wc: 602

warnings: none that I can think of

Regulus and James have been arguing a lot recently. For example, two weeks ago James told Regulus he'd be back at his dorm at 10:00 sharp. Regulus didn't bother asking where he was going, no, not until 1:30 in the morning when James had finally arrived back.

"James?" Regulus had asked, looking around the dark room before flipping on the light next to James' bed.

"Sorry, Reg, did I wake you?" James muttered, taking off his shoes and jumper before crawling next to Regulus in his bed. Regulus stood up, ignoring his question.

"Where were you, James?" He asked, his fingers stabbing into the bridge of his nose.

"With Lily, she was helping me with potions homework." James said, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"Really, James? You couldn't have sent me a quick letter to tell me you were gonna be gone longer? And potions? I'm the best at potions!" James rolls his eyes.

"So, what? I was just hanging out with Lily!" Regulus feels his jaw drop.

"I got sick over it, James! I was actually scared sick! And your excuse for being nearly 5 hours late back home is, you wanted to hang out with Evans?" Regulus exclaims, his arms flailing around as punctuation.

"If you were that sick you could've come to her dorm and looked for me."

"I did look for you." James' face pales and he looks down guiltily. "Then my brother had to help me calm down because I was getting sick in his dorm!"

"Look, Reg, I'm sorry, okay?"

He wasn't sorry. He has been doing it every few nights since then, and Regulus is used to it at this point. He shouldn't be. That's unfair. So, tonight, when James gets home almost a full 7 hours past when he said he'd be back, and Regulus is waiting for him.

"James." Regulus says, his eyes are twitching.

"Regulus?" James asks, sitting across from him at the table.

"Choose." James looks puzzled. "Me or Lily." Regulus feels as his throat and chest tighten, he can't do this anymore. He loves James, and James doesn't love him.

"What?"

"Please. Do you want me to go? Me or Lily, James."

"Lily wouldn't make me choose." Regulus nearly chokes on his own breath, staring James in the eyes.

"Right, then." Regulus picks up his beanie off the chair and heads for the door.

"What? Regulus, where are you going?" James, rushes up, trying to block the door.

"Move, Potter. You've made your choice. Lily it is. I want all my stuff back. Soon. I want everything." Regulus tries to push James out of the way, but fails.

"Can't we talk?"

"James I've fucking tried! Lily, Lily, Lily that's all I hear! Why were you out so late? Lily." Regulus lets his pent up tears fall steadily from his eyes. "Why are you nearly 7 hours late home? Lily. What is so special about her James? What does she have that I don't?" James' face crumples and he tries to hug Regulus, who just weakly punches him in the stomach. "Why don't you care about me? Why am I your second choice? The one who's sleeping in your bed at night, isn't the one you want. I want you to be happy, Jamie. Please, I beg of you, choose."

"I can't, Reg, don't you understand?" James swipes Regulus' tears away with the pads of his fingers.

"Then I'm gonna go." Regulus ducks under his arms and leaves the dorm, walking off to his dorm where it's almost unfamiliar because of how little he goes in there.

masterlist / request / idea

[tgr-2x5-roleswap-au]

You've Got Mail - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Pen Pals (April 1964)

Goodbye Fat Controller - Season 19 Episode 25

Word Count: 933

:D

~

He wrote back.

James didn't think Emily's idea would work. Sure, it had worked fine for her but that was her sister. It was someone she knew. Edward was, in the end, a foreign stranger. Yet—

"He actually wrote back!" James exclaimed, seeing the closed envelope Fred, his driver, waved in front of him with a smile. "What did he say? Can you read it, please? Please?"

James' driver chuckled at the ecstatic engine as he looked around. The engine and his crew were in a siding, with a brake van and guard in hand, awaiting clearance. There was a disturbance up the branch line. "I don't see why not, chap. We have plenty of time."

"Open it, then!"

"Calm down!" he scolded. "Not that long ago, you were brooding about."

With a snort, James retorted, "No, I wasn't!"

"We nearly missed the boat."

James huffed, letting his cheeks burn. "Ok, maybe a little."

Satisfied, the elderly raven head pulled out his pocket knife and cut the envelope open from its side. He grabbed it from the opposite end and tapped it against the palm of his hand, getting the letter out. It took a bit but it eventually slipped out and into his hands. The Englishman was about to unfold it, only to see another letter slip out. With a quick reflex, he was able to catch it before it fell onto the tracks and under James. Unlike the first one, there was writing on the outside.

Curious, Fred cleared his throat. "From Quinn Burns, a volunteer of the Furness Railway Trust," his driver read aloud, just as George, James’ fireman, quietly approached them. "I'll read this one first."

"But-!" James began.

"It could be context for what Edward has to say," interrupted his driver. "Might as well know who wrote it for him."

James hummed impatiently, receiving an eye roll from his fireman.

The driver quickly tucked the first letter and the envelope into his pockets. He opened the second letter, pinched the opposite corners between his fingers, as if it were a scroll, cleared his throat, just to get a kick out of James, and read what was written with ink on the thin sheet of paper…

.

.

.

"Greetings to James' crew! 

When the Furness Railway Trust received your engine's letter, we were quite surprised, especially with whom it was addressed. While we were aware of the mishap that led to FR 21 being on the North Western Railway by accident, we were unaware that he had made a friend. And for that, we are very grateful for!

For one, Edward didn’t have, shall we say, stable relationships in the past. When Old Coppernob was around for the Great Railway Show, Edward didn't get along with him. He ignored him the moment they met, so he's been a loner since. Considering what little he's told me about his "prime" days, I can see why.

And two, I don't think I and the rest of my colleagues have ever seen him this happy before, compared to how he reacted when we told him he'd partake in the Great Railway Show once again. Edward told me everything that happened while he was in the NWR. He was initially apprehensive about James but with the little time he spent on the island, he enjoyed his company. We're glad that he's made a friend.

Sincerely,

Quinn Burns"

.

.

.

Fred chuckled at seeing James’ face scrunch up, curious by one piece of information, joined by George.

“‘Once again’?” repeated James. “He's been to the show before?”

“Sure seems like it, old chap,” replied his driver, folding the letter back up and tucking it back into the envelope. He proceeded to do the same to the other with no writing on the outside. “Let's see what your friend's got to say,” he continued as he opened the letter, the paper audibly wrinkling.

.

.

.

“Hello there!

In all my years, I didn't expect a letter. Much less from another engine, so I would like to thank you for that, James.

I would love to be ‘pen pals.�� And I have managed to find a way, as you can tell. Mr. Burns is a very nice man. I talk to him the most and he was there when the letter came in.

How have things been? I know not much time has passed but still. We might as well start somewhere, should we not?

By the time this letter reaches you, I’ll be at the British Transport Museum. I'll be there until May. Then I'll go back to Derby for a short while. Until then, I won’t be able to answer. I’m truly sorry. I will try to respond as soon as I get back.

Sincerely,

FR 21 Edward

.

.

.

James huffed out steam in a heavy sigh. Of course, something was going on, he thought.

His "Day 1” crew picked up on the disgruntled engine. “Cheer up, old boy,” whispered his fireman, ignoring James’ “I'm not old!” “At least we know when he's going back.”

Knowing Mr. Turner was right, James snorted, eliciting a chuckle from his elderly crew. While this behavior bothered others immensely, this was the norm for the trio. No other crew knew how to handle this particular iron horse.

“We can write back later,” noted Mr. Quill as he heard a nearby shrill. He looked at the source of the sound to see their guard waving his flag. “The line's cleared.”

Satisfied with the suggestion, James agreed. Once his crew settled in, Mr. Quill opened James’ regulator with practiced ease, beginning their journey to the next job.

~

Alternatively: James and his "should've retired by now Day 1" crew.

They have tried recruiting a new crew for years by this point (Fred + George have been working with James since their late 20s) but previous candidates just couldn't get along with James, and the NWR wasn't about to risk an accident from happening because of that. The NWR will take accidents caused by the engines over the ones caused by the crews ANY DAY.

Notes:

The way Edward speaks in his letters versus his actual dialogue will be different (but progressively will be the same) since someone is writing for him, as well as guiding him with what he is trying to say.

Correcting myself with this one because I didn't say what I meant to say: Edward DOES know how to speak but the reason why he's speech is broken is due to the sudden change in his life. He did not have to deal with socializing for 4 decades (1923 - 1963), losing that practice. Now that he does interact with others, its become overwhelming. Times have changed, and so has the world around him. He has a lot to adapt to, such as social standards.

[princeblack]

it's the second quidditch match of the year for slytherin and it's against hufflepuff, which should ease his mind since he at least gets to see one of his best friends, but he still finds himself on edge. things have been difficult recently, between trying to stay on top of his usual academics while also trying to hide his correspondences with sirius from both his parents and the other death eaters. sirius was outside of europe and in hiding, but sending notes when he could, each time from a different bird and with a new fake name scribbled at the bottom in his now familiar handwriting.

sirius occupies a lot of his thoughts lately, right next to what lord voldemort's been doing and then bee diggory. he's plagued with nightmares a lot of the time, scenarios ranging between the ministry finding sirius to the death eaters realizing that regulus is switching sides. most of his dreams end in death for either him or someone he loves... especially bee.

she's been his main source of happiness for a long time now, ever since she wrote him the letter at the start of last year saying she didn't think his brother was a murderer or that he and his family were evil. she told him to ignore people like justin finch-fletchley, even complimenting regulus and trying to make friends, to which he immediately accepted.

he had a crush on bee even before this, admiring her for her beauty from a distance and even trying to distract himself from it in second year when he dated daphne greengrass. it hadn't lasted long, mostly because it didn't seem to work and regulus never felt anything he should for daphne. she was the type of girl his parents would want him to date, but it felt wrong continuing the relationship when he didn't like her like she liked him. especially when he started to realize that he didn't necessarily want what his parents wanted for him.

in contrast, his relationship with bee only seemed to blossom after the note, the two of them hanging out in class and outside of it, becoming friends and subsequently worsening his crush on her again. they're happy together, even if he's not sure if she likes him like that. it's one of the only things in his life he feels is going right and that makes him happy, but the worst part is knowing he'll most likely lose her when she finds out the truth about him. and even worse, there are the nightmares that lord voldemort will hurt her when he finds out about regulus switching sides. the dark lord shouldn't care about something petty like that, but something regulus is learning is that tom is angry and vengeful, and if he knew for any reason that regulus loved bee, he would certainly hurt her.

the thought plagues his nightmares along with all of the other ones, usually involving an alternate outcome of the night voldemort had sent kreacher to test one of his horcrux defenses, but this time it resulted in the house elf actually being killed instead of injured within an inch of his life. that night sticks with regulus, making him so angry that his nails dig into his palms. that black void of hatred only grew when voldemort ordered barty to kill an innocent who had stumbled upon one of their meetings and he had actually done it.

all of regulus's notions about what being a death eater meant were shattered. it wasn't like his parents had said when he was young-- there was no prophecy saying wizardkind was in danger of extinction, and lord voldemort didn’t have to kill lily and james potter. regulus had learned from professor trelawney that it was her prophecy; that all the prophecy even indicated to begin with was that a baby born in harry’s certain circumstances would somehow bring the end of lord voldemort.

all of his lord's actions were selfish– regulus knows that now. he knows that the talk about preserving their culture and loving pure, magical blood was just an excuse to kill others and manipulate a select few to always do his bidding.

regulus was one of those ones manipulated. and it all became worse when he realized that sirius was never in azkaban for killing twelve muggles-- that was peter pettigrew the entire time. regulus's life feels like a joke with no punchline, especially when he finally meets his brother and has him ripped away once more. all he wonders now are what other lies his parents told him, that the death eaters perpetuated.

focusing on quidditch feels like an impossible task, especially with bee present and beautiful. but he gets dressed in his green slytherin robes as quickly as he can, meeting the team out on the field with his nimbus 2001 before the match starts.

marcus flint gives a speech reminding them the key points of their training, encouraging them to do well against their opponents and not let their guard down just because of lucius's generous donation of nimbus 2001s to the entire team.

regulus is only partly listening, allowing his gaze to drift over to the hufflepuffs, immediately picking out bee. his heart feels warmer as soon as he sees her, like it always does every single time he lays eyes on her. she looks beautiful, a radiant smile on her lips at something her teammate says. her braids make his heart race a little because they're so cute, flopping over her shoulders as she mounts her broom. regulus smiles at her when she looks in his direction, raising a hand to wave. they're too far away for him to say anything, so he just gives her a lingering gaze before finally looking away. his stomach feels tight for some reason, like it's hard to even witness how perfect she is this morning when he knows he'll never be able to tell her how he really feels.

madam hooch makes marcus shake hands with cedric, then she counts down before blowing her whistle to start the game, causing all fourteen players to kick off the ground. regulus follows suit, raising high into the air above the other players. he needs to focus on looking for the snitch, but he can already tell it's going to be more difficult than usual as he feels the droplets of rain start to pelt his face, cold and icy. his gaze moves over to bee again, watching as she flies for the quaffle, trying to catch it as adrian pucey tosses it over to marcus.

he tries not to focus on watching her, realizing he's the seeker and he's responsible for making his team win. he dodges a bludger, swinging his broom around to start flying in the other direction. the rain is starting to pour, making his curls plaster to his forehead as the water gets in his eyes. squinting, he looks for the snitch, all too aware of the way bee is flying past him again as marcus takes the quaffle towards the goal posts. / @devcted

[mirasmirages]

Scars (part 7)

first previous masterlist

Has: depression

James and his family belongs to @starliight-whump

~

Julia knocked on his door twice before ignoring his silence and inviting herself in.

She sat on the edge of his bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Mmh." James pulled the blanket over his head.

"Come on, don't be like that." Julia tugged gently at the blanket. "When was the last time you ate? When was the last time you showered?"

James shrugged. He had lost count of how many days it had been since the letter arrived.

"Okay, well," Julia said, sounding almost teasing, "you have a guest, so if you want to shower before you see him, you have to hurry."

A guest? He didn't want guests. Who would he want to--

He sat up and stared at her in horror. "You didn't."

She smiled. "He's downstairs. Don't keep him waiting."

The sudden spike of adrenaline had James on his feet before he knew what he was doing. Henry was here. He couldn't see James like this!

He ran to the bathroom and turned on the water, frowning at the bottles of shampoo, soap and shaving cream as he tried to remember how showers worked. In the end, he picked up a bottle at random and immediately dropped it.

"Fuck!"

He knelt on the shower floor, opened the bottle and squeezed so soap spread out from it, then just kind of dipped his hands in it and dragged them across his body a few times until it had to be good enough. He didn't have time for this.

Out of the shower, he realized he hadn't brought any clean clothes, or even a towel. He scrubbed off roughly with the hand towel hanging next to the sink, and before he could debate whether to put on his dirty clothes, Julia knocked on the door with clean ones.

The clothes clung to his damp skin, and he glared at Julia before walking downstairs to meet Henry.

James didn't want to see Henry right now. He didn't want Henry to see him right now. He was just going to go downstairs, tell Henry it was a bad time, ask him to leave, and then yell at Julia for bringing him. And then he would go to bed and stay there for another week, at least.

Henry was wearing his librarian clothes today, and looked up from his phone when James reached the living room.

"James, hi," Henry said. "How are you doing? You stopped answering my texts, I was getting worried."

There was probably enough space between his sentences for James to respond, but he was having a hard time making his mouth work.

"I … sorry. I didn't mean-- I forgot to … charge my phone." Even James could tell it was a terrible excuse. He didn't meet Henry's eyes.

"Okay …" Henry said. "Look, if I've made you uncomfortable--"

James shook his head. "No!" His voice was too loud, and he cringed. "No, I. Just."

"It's not your fault," Julia said. "Something happened, but James still likes you, right James?"

James glared at her. "Stop it," he hissed.

"I'm not doing anything," she said, oh so innocently, bumping her shoulder against his. "Why don't you two sit down and I'll get us something to drink."

She left the room, and James and Henry stood there in awkward silence for a moment.

Henry stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around the living room. "It's nice here. Is this where you grew up?"

"Mhm." James wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Look," Henry said, taking his hands out of his pockets and wiping them on his jeans. "I saw Julia at the library and asked if you were alright, and she invited me over. I don't have to stay if you don't want me to."

James shook his head, even though Henry leaving was exactly what he wanted. He just didn't want Henry to think James didn't want him there. He looked down and blinked, willing himself not to cry.

"It's just," he said. Swallowed. Wrapped his arms tighter around himself. "Not. A good time."

"Okay."

Neither of them moved or said anything, and a minute later, Julia came back with a tray of soda cans and glasses.

"You two are being quiet," she said, putting down the tray. "Were you talking about me?"

"Of course," Henry joked. "I'm learning all your dirty secrets."

"Rude. I'm just trying to help and this is the thanks I get. Come sit, it's weird to just stand here next to the couch."

James wiped his sleeve over his eyes. Maybe the banter would have been funny on a good day, but right now, it just made it clear how out of sync he was. He couldn't join them, couldn't play along and pretend everything was fine, but he also couldn't leave without making everything worse. There were no good choices. He felt trapped, even standing there in their open living room. His breath shook.

"James?"

Julia was in front of him, reaching for him. James jerked back.

"Don't touch me!"

"James, it's okay! It's me, Julia!"

"I know who you are!"

James was seething, fury battling the panic inside him. Why did she have to humiliate him like this?

"Why did you have to bring him here? I didn't want him to see me like this! Why can't you just leave me alone!"

Julia started to say something, but James didn't want to listen.

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it! Stop trying to help!"

He turned on his heel and ran to his room, slamming the door behind him.

-

Shit.

James hid under the duvet, his entire body shaking. Had he really just blown up like that in front of Henry?

Fuck.

He curled up, knees close to his chest. Why did he have to be like this? He had wanted to tell Henry about what had happened to him, not show him the results of it. And he had wanted to do it at a time he chose himself, not whenever Julia decided to stick her nose in. Just because she was his little sister didn't mean she could do whatever she wanted!

There was a knock at the door.

"Go away, Julia," he groaned.

"Sorry, it's me." That wasn't Julia's voice. "Can I come in?"

James froze. His mouth went dry, and even if he had known what to say, he couldn't make his voice work.

After a little while, the door opened and closed quietly.

"Hey," Henry said. "I think Julia knows she went too far. She feels really bad about it."

Yeah? Good. James would bet she didn't feel half as bad as he did.

Henry sighed. "She told me you haven't been feeling well lately and wanted to cheer you up, and she seemed to think that me coming over could help. If that was wrong I can leave, but if there's anything I can do, I do want to help."

If only James had decided to tell Henry earlier. If he already knew, then maybe he would understand why James was like this. But he couldn't, right now, even if he wanted to. He just laid still, as if his body didn't have any connection to his brain.

"Can I come closer? Or, I don't know, can you tell me if you want me to leave?" A pause. "Okay, I'm just gonna, and you can yell at me for it later."

James could hear his steps on the floor, and felt the end of the mattress dip when Henry sat on the bed.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I know you haven't said anything, but I'm not stupid, you know? I can put two and two together. You're Nadir's friend who went missing."

Wait--Henry knew? How long had he known?

"I'm not going to judge you for having bad days. I still want to be your friend. And we can just pretend today never happened if you prefer, but if you do want to talk about it, that's okay too. You can talk to me."

James felt dizzy. He had to do something, say something, but his body just lay there, limp limbs and shoulders tense, unable to do anything in response to Henry's speech.

Henry patted the duvet and stood. "Okay, I'm not gonna bother you anymore. Text me sometime, okay? We can still be friends."

Do something, James screamed at his body. He's leaving! Do something!

The door opened. He just had to--

"Wait!"

James pushed aside the blanket and sat, in time to see Henry pause in the door.

"Hey," Henry said.

"Don't … don't leave?"

"Okay." Henry closed the door and came to sit at the end of James's bed again. "Is this okay?"

James nodded. He had managed to take back some control over his body in a moment of panic when Henry was leaving, but his movements were stilted.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

James shrugged. "I. I don't--maybe?" he said. Talking was hard right now. "How … when did you know?"

"I didn't know for sure, but I thought that might be it after I saw you with Nadir that time. I thought about asking him, but. I figured you'd tell me if you wanted me to know."

"I was … I was going to tell you," James said. "Before, um. When. After you sent the picture. But then."

The words stuck in his throat.

Henry reached his hand out, and James stared at it in confusion before he put his hand in Henry's.

"There's a trial," James said. Henry's hand was warm on his, making it easier to speak. "I have to witness."

"Is that why you stopped replying to my texts?"

James nodded. "I got a letter. With the date."

"I'm sorry," Henry said, holding James's hand in both of his. "That's gotta be rough."

"I don't want to see him again," James whispered. "What if he's there? I can't see him again."

Henry moved as if to come closer, but hesitated. "Can I--?"

James nodded, and Henry sat next to him, putting an arm around James's shoulders. James leaned against him, breathing in a faint scent of leather and tobacco.

"Did they tell you he's going to be there?" Henry asked.

James shook his head. "I haven't talked to anyone. Just the letter."

"I don't think they would let him," Henry said. "Especially if you tell them not to. It would be ridiculous to expect you to see him again."

Tears welled in James's eyes, and he turned his face against Henry's shoulder, letting his sweater soak up the tears.

"It's too much," he admitted. "I just want it to be over."

"I wish none of that had happened to you."

They didn't say much after that, but Henry didn't move away, and for a long time, James sat there, feeling almost safe with Henry's arm around him.

He blinked, and frowned in confusion. Had his room been that dark?

"I think you fell asleep," Henry murmured, his voice quiet in a way that sent shivers down James's spine. "I wasn't sure if I should wake you."

"Sorry," James said. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten. Your parents came home a while ago."

James would pull away in mortification, but that would mean Henry's arm wouldn't be touching him anymore, and his arm felt so good. James hadn't been this relaxed in months. "Do you need to leave?"

"Not if you don't want me to. Do you want me to stay?"

James nodded, rubbing his face on Henry's sweater.

"Okay. Do you want to sleep?"

He did want that.

Henry arranged them so they were laying together on James's narrow bed, with James as the little spoon and Henry's arm protectively across his waist.

"Thank you," James said, and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep again.

[impishtubist]

Just popping by to say 1) thank you for all your Sirius Black content, so good to see canon accurate Sirius who loves his godson and is a fantastic godfather. 2) Do you have any thoughts for how it would have gone if Wormtail hadn't escaped and it proved Sirius innocent? I just think you'd have a really good take on that and I didn't see anything looking through your blog. 3) Aromantic Sirius as a platonic life partner with Jilly (or just James, tbh, really but Lily is there, chilling) Thoughts?

Thank you so much! I'm always happy to talk about canon Sirius and how much he canonically loves his godson! I know everyone is here for the Wolfstar, but like I've said before, Sirius didn't break out of prison for Remus (and never would have). It's also stated canonically that Harry is the person Sirius cares about the most, not Remus. Yeah, yeah, I know, fuck canon and all that, but you have to have some canon as a foundation when you're writing fanfic. Otherwise you're just writing original stories with the names Sirius and Remus slapped on them. Anyway, Sirius loves Harry the most <3

I do have many thoughts about this! Unfortunately, most of those thoughts are contained in a 30K Raising Harry fic that I've since removed from AO3. But if Wormtail hadn't escaped that night, Sirius would have gotten his freedom and immediately petitioned for custody of Harry. He would have fought tooth and nail for it, fuck what Dumbledore thinks is best. He would have gotten it, too, and he would have figured out a loophole to keep Harry out of the tournament, and he also would have solved the whole Horcrux thing, rendering the last two books pointless. Honestly, JKR had to keep him from getting his freedom and then kill him off because he was too damn smart and would have ended the series after book 4.

I'm always intrigued by aro and/or ace Sirius! I also don't think Sirius was all that close to Lily or cared about her that much. Yeah, she wrote a letter to him once, but also he was her husband's other half and her son's godfather, she couldn't exactly ignore his existence. He was ALWAYS going to be part of their lives, so she might as well make peace with it. I am totally on board with a situation where James is with Sirius (whatever that means to you - romantically, sexually, queerplatonically, etc) as well as Lily (but Lily and Sirius are not involved with each other.) Even better, I'm here for a situation where James is cheating on Lily with Sirius ;) If it was anyone else, I don't think Sirius would put up with being someone little secret, but when it's James, I think he likes it just fine. Or it might not even be that much of a secret - he's sleeping with her husband and doesn't care if she knows or not. I'd actually kind of like him to flaunt it, now that I think about it.

Sorry, that last one ran off the rails right into toxic territory, but if anyone has a fic rec like that, give it to me immediately.

[yr-obedt-cicero]

I think it's incredibly depressing that Alexander always wanted his family to be close and together, and dreamed of the Grange being this house that all the family would live in and grandkids would come to visit, but just after his death and all the effects it caused the family seems to have split apart and just hated each other

This took me a bit to getting around to answer because I had to think it over a lot, but honestly, they really weren't?

Don't get me wrong, they weren't perfectly accommodating for each other, and they definitely had their fights and sqaubbles. But a particularly important detail being that; usually, the strain or disagreements were between siblings, which is rather normal. I know when often scrolling through my blog you'll find me more than not talking about their fueds, but that is really because I find it moreso entertaining. There are plenty of affectionate letters between many of them, and they seemed to have been a tight knit family.

They all seemed to have regularly kept in contact, and although finding their correspondence is difficult, in some letters at the Library Of Congress you can see mentions of one sibling talking to another. So, while we don't have these exact letters today, that doesn't mean they didn't exist. The grandchildren speak affectionately of seeing their grandparents, like James's house, Nevis, was a particular favorite for when they were hosting parties or family gatherings. And John and James often worked together when getting Hamilton's papers all back, or trying to propose statues and other memorials for their dad's memory.

Of course though, there is Alex Jr's story, and how he seemed to have been eager to run off and start his career; completely ignorant to his mother's depressed state after losing her eldest son, husband, and her daughter becoming mentally impaired. Which left a lot of the “eldest son” responsibilities dumped onto James when he was quite young. And he just overall seemed arrogant and inconsiderate, like snatching off with his dad's letters without permission while the brothers were trying to settle Holly's will. But I've already done plenty of analysing and theories on Alex and his characteristics that you can find here too. Which I would consider to be the only note-worthy fight, as I have talked about John's and William's slight distance but that isn't really severe by any means or even important. And honestly, the major reason the brothers even fought was because of politics. As they were Hamiltons, and what do you expect other than political egotists? Even then, James was still checking in on Alex, asking Phil II about their letters between each other.

Elizabeth and Holly truly seemed to have been the glue holding that family together, in all honesty. There are many records of them visiting the various boys, even traveling way out West to see William. And Holly kept in contact with all of her siblings, even after her mother's death. Who, by the way, I think did a fine job raising all the kids on her own after Hamilton's death. Sure, she didn't take the best route of just remarrying and financially stabilizing her children or their futures, additionally giving them a father figure to help guide them. But she did her best to overview their education, kept them housed, and they all remembered her fondly and affectionately.

The only thing I think even gets close to constituting as dysfunctional, is the biography drama. Which I will admit, clearly caused the worst strain between Elizabeth and John, which is where they start to edge out of simple sibling rivalry. I think that is where Elizabeth mistakenly treated John as a paid biographer, rather than her son who had agreed to do such out of familia obligation. But he also had his own bad traits, and his family kinda saw him as lazy. But I'll delve deeper into that later.

And if anything, we have no idea what their lives would have truly been like if Hamilton had lived. In fact, things could have been much worse. Surely some things would have played out better, but there is no doubt that Hamilton would have immensely disagreed with most of his sons about their politics, and with them all being egotistical politicians; you can imagine the discourse. So if you think Alex's and James's fued was bad...

If anything, I think their attempt to all stick together despite their differences shows that they were trying to keep Hamilton's ideal of a close family alive. Especially Elizabeth who tried very hard for such.

[seriuslymoons]

After Story

Remus sat on the dusty bed. It obviously hadn't been touched in a while, the whole room looked like it hadn't been touched in some time. Besides one photo by the bed. There were marks from a hand placed face down. The dust still sat on Remus' fingers from facing the picture down, he couldn't bear to look at the faces in the picture. 

It had been several months since Sirius died, Remus couldn't really remember how long, just months. Months without seeing his goofy smile, months without feeling Sirius rough hand in his own. It was killing Remus inside. All of his friends were now dead, all of the people who had cared about him in the past, the ones who would do anything for him and he'd do anything for them. And now he was alone.

Sirius' cousin 'Tonks' had been trying to get his attention for a while, but Remus refused. Remus could see his smile in Tonks' and he couldn't bear that right now. Remus didn't even want to go to that stupid wedding, but he would have to, he was part of the group standing guard.

After some time of sitting there, staring blankly at the poster-covered wall in front of him, most of the poster contained muggle women with very little clothing. Such a Sirius thing. Remus let out a small huff resembling a laugh at the thought. He looked around the room, the weird wallpaper, slightly burnt gryffindor flags on the walls (Probably Walburga trying to get them down but failing). Remus' eyes landed on the photograph. 

He hesitated for a moment before reaching out, flinching when his hand got closer as if the picture would reach out and bite him. He finally picked it up and turned it over. The smiling faces of Sirius, James, and Peter huddled together, and himself standing a bit to the side smiling at them. The picture moved, showing them laughing and messing around. It had been taken at the Potters home the summer Sirius ran away. He must have got it back from Monty and Effie before he was sent to Azkaban and stashed it here. Another picture on the wall was of him and his brother. Sirius standing proudly, but looking very unhappy, and his little brother Reggie, who was sitting in a chair next to him, then same scowl that the boy had at Hogwarts.

"Oh Sirius, you idiot." Remus said, his voice shaky and uneven. "I love you." Remus whispered before putting the picture back, facing it normally and getting up from the bed. Before he left the room, Remus opened the closet door, a box sat on the ground, the contents spilled everywhere. Letter, Polaroid pictures of the marauders & co, Sirius old video camera. It all sat there, a layer of dust covering it all. Who got into this? Remus wondered, but he shrugged it off.

He put everything back in the box and took it, along with Sirius' very worn and very loved leather jacket. 12 Grimmauld Place now belongs to Harry, that's what Sirius wanted. Remus was allowed to stay there as well, but he couldn't bring himself to stay. So he took what he wanted and left the rest for Harry. (Plus some of the stuff on that video camera is not meant for others' eyes) As Remus left, some of the other people who came to help clean up the house were sitting in the dining room area. 

Remus didn't know how long he'd locked himself in Sirius' old bedroom, but it was dark out now so Remus had to guess about two or three hours. Remus had lost Sirius once, a few people had noticed how broken he was that time as well. This time was different though. He had truly and Utterly lost the one person who was both his best friend, and his lover. Although nobody knew that they were more than old friends. Only Peter, James, and Lily knew that. But they were all as dead as Remus felt. Minnie had a suspicion, since she had caught them holding hands once when they were in school, that day was fun. Well, not for Remus but Sirius seemed to think it was funny. 

God, why did I have to lose him too? Remus thought as he walked out the door of the old Black house. He ignored people trying to talk to him as he walked out, and then walked across the street to the forested park to apparate back to the flat he was staying in at the time. 

The flat was quiet, almost too quiet. That's how it was, quiet, sad, dark. Remus couldn't bring himself to play music, or turn on the lights to see the collection Sirius had given to him after he got out. He gently placed the box on the coffee table, but kept a firm grip on the leather jacket as if it would disappear. 

Remus got ready for bed, then pulled the leather jacket over his shoulders. It fit because Sirius had broader shoulders then Remus. Plus Remus was skinnier from being a spy amongst the werewolves and from Sirius death. Remus laid down but couldn't fall asleep.

He had always had nightmares. Even when he was in school, the death of Sirius replaying in his head over and over again was worse than all the other nightmares by ten fold. So, he cuddled that stupid leather jacket Sirius bought in their seventh year. That stupid leather jacket that Sirius wore everywhere, that stupid leather jacket he worshiped. The same leather jacket that Sirius put patches and had even scribbled on in some places. And tried to rest.

[calypsoul]

Murdoch Mysteries spoilers (well, up to s6 cause that's all I've seen)

I needed to rant about Murdoch and Dr. Ogden

Julia Ogden and William Murdoch are so perfect for each other. I genuinely don't believe that anyone else could handle being in a relationship with Murdoch and his tendency to drop everything for a case and need to find the truth and do what's right even when it's hard or inconvenient or even downright destructive to himself/his career (ie: letting a convicted murderer free bc the man she killed was her abusive husband and she didn't really have a choice but of course, the courts wouldn't rule in her favor bc it was a woman killing her husband).

And Julia, well, we saw what happened when someone else tried to marry her. It got him killed. Though to be fair, he was up against James Gillies. Either way he couldn't handle what her past brought, or her being a Strong Independent Woman^TM with her own opinions and acting on those opinions, which has unfortunately been shown to be pretty standard in-universe.

Them together however, is amazing. Most of the proof is in the wedding and honeymoon episodes bc like, who else would be totally okay with excited about figuring out the last bit of the case and catching the true murderer IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR FUCKING WEDDING CEREMONY. Not the reception or afterparty (are those the same or different?) or any of the other bits of a wedding that are arguably less important than WHEN THE OFFICIANT IS ABOUT TO DO THE WEDDING VOWS. They were genuinely about to leave the altar together in full wedding attire to go to a train station to arrest people. Neither of them needed convincing to leave, in fact they needed convincing to stay and finish the ceremony (though they still rushed the officiant) before gallivanting off to solve a murder.

Then there was the time they couldn't leave well enough alone while on their honeymoon and ended up saving the life of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. This woman voluntarily (against her husband's protests that she didn't have to) crawled into a fireplace or vent or something to help her husband use the contraption he made out of her mirrors to spy on the room above, which they had been repeatedly told to leave alone, and remained relatively calm when she found and had to report dead bodies (though she was a coroner) and cheerfully (or as cheerful as you can be when there're murder plots afoot) continued to help him investigate, and did not once complain about the lack of romance on their trip. Though it could be said that solving cases is their form of romance.

And it's not just Julia happy to support William. Murdoch was understanding, maybe even more enthusiastic than she was, when she told him she was going to run for an election of public office, despite how it would reflect on him and possibly affect his job since they were married. He never tried to discourage her from protesting woman's rights, just made sure she knew the potential consequences, and that he would not be able to help if she got arrested, despite his own beliefs. He is always by her side no matter what she does or how it would affect others' perceptions of them. Hell, the man was prepared to ignore some of his religious beliefs just to marry her if she managed to get the divorce, and helped her create evidence of cheating to get that divorce, even though he had been following those beliefs to the letter for most of his life (back to Julia for a minute: she converted, despite struggling with her own faith, just so she could give him the gift of being married in his church). There's also the fact that Murdoch has always wanted to start a family, but Julia cannot have children, and though it was a point of conflict for a bit, he still wanted to marry her anyway.

They are so perfect for each other, not to mention adorable and hilarious. Every time I think of their wedding or honeymoon, the only thought that follows is "Only them"