#jake loves chubby girls and NO ONE CAN CHANGE MY MIND

[sehodreamsthoughts]

I'm just realizing that there are almost no Enhypen x chubby/plus size reader fics

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 23

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 3365

Warnings: Swearing, reference to sex

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Long Hot Summer American Country Love Song

****

Hangman

Sleep evaded the Texan all because of three little words spoken days earlier: "Fine. I'll come." Coming from anyone else, they would've meant nothing. This, however, came from Ghost. The girl who refused to speak to him, let alone be around him, ever since Ghoul's death. The girl who discarded him from her life like an undesired weed in a garden. He understood why, of course. Why would Ghost keep him around? The guy who killed her best friend and nearly killed her? She'd made it clear their first night at the Hard Deck that she still blamed him, specifically after her 'watery grave' comment. He'd given up hope that night that they could ever be more than 'old acquaintances.'

Therefore, when Ghost agreed to have him pick her up on Saturday morning for dogfight football, he'd been more than a little taken aback. Even if he'd used a cunning argument in an attempt to get her to agree, Hangman had not expected it to actually work. Ghost hadn't called or texted him to cancel the pickup and say she'd changed her mind, deciding to drive herself; she hadn't canceled the plan altogether, either. No. She had confirmed the pickup with Friday evening, to which he naturally responded yes.

By the time Hangman was meant to head over to Ghost's place, he'd been up for four hours already, spending most of that time working out to alleviate his nerves over being alone, truly alone, with Ghost for the first time since the accident.

"Come on, man," Hangman mumbled to himself, shouldering his duffel bag. "You've faced a fifth-gen fighter in a fourth-gen and won. You can handle a twenty-or-so-minute car ride to get coffee and to go to the beach."

He tossed his stuff into the back and slid into the driver's seat. Country music blaring, he cruised over to Ghost's apartment. He texted her: Here. Hangman exited the truck and waited impatiently at the passenger side door, keeping his hands tightly clasped in front of him to stop himself from mindlessly fiddling his thumbs. Ghost appeared a moment later, somehow holding her guitar case and tote bag in one hand, locking her door with the other, and having her phone sandwiched between her ear and shoulder, a smile lighting up her face. As she approached Hangman, he heard her say: "That sounds great! Listen, my ride is here, but call me later, and we can talk more about it... sounds good. Bye!"

"Hey, stranger," Hangman greeted happily, relieving Ghost of her baggage and opening the passenger door for her.

Ghost returned the sentiment with equal enthusiasm. "Morning!"

"You're in a good mood this morning," he said after putting her stuff in the back and sliding into the driver's seat. "What gives?"

"Do you remember Leo Wolfe?"

Hangman thought back to the chubby, baby-faced cadet he'd sat next to a decade ago. "Yeah, he's Wolfman's son, right?"

"Yeah. You only met him once at my high school graduation dinner, but we've stayed in touch. He's in San Diego for his friend's bachelor party and wanted to visit. I haven't seen him since a little after we graduated from the Navy, so it's been a long time coming."

"That'll be nice. Isn't he a pilot, too?"

"WSO. Followed in his dad's footsteps. Callsign Wolfie."

Hangman chuckled. "Fitting. So, let me guess-" he pulled into the Starbucks drive-thru- "venti iced chai and a ham and Swiss croissant?"

"Yeah, how do you remember that?" Ghost queried, tilting her head.

"You've ordered the same thing for as long as we've gotten Starbucks together. The only time you differ is when the weather turns cold, or Fall hits because then you order a hot chai latte or an iced pumpkin chai latte, respectively."

"Why try something new when my current drink orders are perfection?" Ghost scoffed in mock offense. Hangman shot her an impish grin in response, then leaned out the window and put in their order. As he pulled to the window, she asked, "How much do I owe you?"

"It's on me," he said nonchalantly. 

"Jake-"

"No protests. You can repay me by explaining why you're bringing your guitar to dogfight football. Pretty sure we can't throw it, nor do I think you want us to."

"Thank you. That's sweet of you." Ghost shoved her cash back into her wallet. "As for the guitar, Juliette said Penny was hosting an open mic night today, and I thought if I wasn't too sweaty and gross after football, I might do a set or two."

"If you want a partner-"

"You'll have to fight Rooster and Jules for those spots, but you're welcome to try."

"I'll take my bets with Rooster. I know better than to go against Princess."

"Don't we all. How did you two become so close? I know you two became friends during the training detachment, but she seems closer to you than the other Daggers."

Hangman shrugged, hoping to convey indifference despite having had deep feelings for Juliette at one point, feelings that still occasionally arose. "We had a very short, what did you use to call it... flirtationship?"

"You and Juliette were a thing?" Hangman could've sworn Ghost's voice went up an octave.

"Not unless you count a couple of spontaneous kisses a thing before Bradshaw reeled her back in. I don't know... we just kind of clicked. It probably helped that I saved Rooster's life." Hangman did not elaborate further, but the words he wanted to stay remained on the tip of his tongue: Juliette reminded me of you, and I fell for her because of that before I had the chance to stop myself. Unable to gauge how Ghost would react to such a statement, he decided silence as the best option. "What about you and Bradshaw?"

Ghost flushed. "Oh, well, uh, we were always friendly, but we both were going through some shit after we graduated Top Gun. We got drunk together, one thing led to another, and we- we might've hooked up..."

Hangman gasped over-dramatically, clutching his heart. "You didn't!"

"I wasn't friends with Juliette yet! I didn't even know they had dated!" Ghost protested, her cheeks flushing an even deeper maroon. 

Hangman laughed good-naturedly and patted her thigh. "Don't worry. I'm messing with you. I already knew about it."

"You- how?"

"Word spreads fast, and one of my associates saw you two leave the bar together and then also saw y'all leave Bradshaw's apartment the morning after."

Ghost narrowed her eyes, mulled over her thoughts briefly, then said, "It was Firefly, wasn't it?"

"It was Firefly. Gotta ask, though, does Princess know?"

"Oh, yeah. Jules could tell by the absolute evaporation of color in my face when she showed me a picture of Rooster that I knew him. It didn't help that I'd literally told her maybe five minutes beforehand how I'd had the best one-night stand of my life right after Top Gun. To say I was mortified barely covers it."

"You getting with Rooster isn't surprising. In fact, I'm shocked you two never dated. No, I'm more surprised that you had a one-night stand with him."

"He's the only one-night stand I've ever had, and I swear to God, if that leaves this truck-"

"I'll be the victim of friendly fire. Don't worry; your secret's safe with me," Hangman promised, handing Ghost her drink and food. Grabbing his, paying, and thanking the barista, he pulled back onto the main road and headed toward the Hard Deck. "Speaking of dating, outside of Kyle, have you dated anyone recently?"

"Not really. Dated one guy for a few months, but he got shipped to a different place, and we broke it off because of the long distance. Maybe if we'd had more time to spend with each other, it could've worked out. I met him because of Leo, actually. He asked me to keep an eye on his friend because he'd just lost his mom." Ghost leaned her head back against the seat and rolled it to look at Hangman. "What about you? Any girlfriends?"

"Nah. You know me. I don't have a habit of settling down. I did have a couple of potentials, but those crashed and burned."

"How come?"

"One loved another man, and the other girl hated me." Hangman purposefully left out the girls' names, considering they were, respectively, Juliette and Ghost. 

"Their loss," she said. Jake tried not to think about the irony of the statement coming from her. "What about Coyote? Has he dated anyone?"

Jake frowned. "I thought you two stayed in contact?"

"Not religiously. We'd wish each other happy birthday, happy holidays, and whatnot, but that was it."

"He's dated, but no one serious. Longest one lasted maybe three months."

Ghost nodded in acknowledgment but said nothing else, munching on her croissant. Hangman tried to formulate a new topic of conversation but failed miserably. For him, an awkward silence fell over them, but thankfully, it lasted only a short time because he pulled into the parking lot not long after. The pair hopped out and grabbed their belongings.

"Where is everyone?" Ghost asked, scanning the near-empty beach.

Hangman tossed a football in his hands. "I think we're a little early. Don't worry; they'll be here soon. Want to toss this around for a bit? Warm up?"

"Yeah, that sounds-" Ghost jumped at her cell blaring Lily Allen's 'Fuck You.' She scrambled to turn it down, but Hangman caught a glimpse of the name on the phone and felt his blood boil. Not even bothering to hide his annoyance, he growled, "Kyle's still calling you?" 

"Yeah," Ghost muttered, rolling her eyes and hitting decline. "Thought I had that turned down."

"If he calls again, please let me take care of it. All I need is thirty seconds. If that."

Ghost raised an eyebrow at him. "And what exactly are you going to say to him?"

"Let me answer that ringing phone and find out," Hangman insisted, nodding at the phone in her hand, which had started ringing again. Ghost hesitated, then handed the phone to him. Grinning, he happily took it and answered. "Hello?"

"You're not Annalise. Who the hell is this?" Kyle's irritated voice caused an unhealthy rage to surge into Hangman's blood. He sounded more irritated that Ghost hadn't answered rather than being concerned that some "random" guy had picked up her phone instead.

"You're right; this isn't, Annalise. She didn't pick up for a reason, and the hundreds of unanswered calls should give your tiny brain an insight as to why."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I will be your worst God damn nightmare if you continue harassing her." Hangman glanced at a guy shouting that the Hard Deck wasn't open yet. "Listen carefully because I'm only going to warn you once: they call me Hangman for a reason. If I see you call her one more time, or if Ghost tells me you've reached out to her again, I will rain down living hell on you."

Kyle scoffed. "Yeah? You and whose army?"

"How about the US Navy? Now, I may not have the power to set nine four-star admirals on your ass myself, but-" Hangman smirked at the sight of the blonde hopping out of the familiar blue Bronco that parked next to his truck- "I know the person who can, and they don't take kindly to people messing with their family."

"... Seresin, is that you?" The amused drawl in Kyle's voice caused Hangman's lip to lift in a snarl. "I'll be damned. I thought Annalise cut you out of her life after you killed her wingman."

"She did, and you know what? It speaks volumes that she'd rather hang out with me, the guy who killed her best friend, than answer one of your phone calls."

Ghost stiffened. "Jake-"

He ignored her and continued, "I will say this only once more: leave Annalise alone. Do not call her, do not text her, do not reach out to her. She does not want anything to do with you. Move on or find out what happens when you don't have my brother and father to back you up in a fight."

Hangman hung up before Kyle could utter a syllable in response. He turned to Ghost and said, "He shouldn't bother you again. If he does, let me know. I'll talk Princess into setting some admirals on him."

"I'm not worried about that. About Ghoul-"

"I said what I needed to get the point across to him." Hangman then pointed out that Rooster and Juliette had arrived, declared they should head over to greet them, and then clapped Ghost's shoulder as he left the conversation. He didn't want to talk about what he'd said with Ghost, not now nor ever. He already knew she blamed him for Ghoul's demise and required no reminder, let alone a conversation about it. Hangman didn't need to hear the blame straight from her lips.

Upon approach, Juliette chirped, "Hey! You're here early."

"Yeah, I thought the line would be longer at Starbucks, so Ghost and I got here pretty quickly." Noticing Rooster's brow shoot up, Hangman said, "Put that back down."

Rooster failed to oblige. "So, you two are hanging out?"

"She offered me an olive branch, and I took it." Hangman knelt to pet Raptor and Lightning. "Are the others on their way? I haven't checked my phone recently."

"Weren't you just talking on the phone?"

"He was on mine to my stalker of an ex-fling," Ghost replied, walking up to the group and kneeling next to Hangman to pet the German Shepherds, who had both rolled over onto their backs for belly rubs. 

"Kyle?" Juliette asked.

"Kyle," confirmed Hangman and Ghost simultaneously.

"Have I missed something?" Rooster queried.

Juliette patted his shoulder. "I'll catch you up later, honey. What-"

A buzzing phone caught everyone's attention. Judging by how Ghost flinched, Hangman guessed correctly that it was hers. He growled, "If that's Kyle, I swear to God-"

"Hey, Wolfie," Ghost said, placing a calming hand on Hangman's shoulder. His heart lurched at the voluntary, gentle contact.

"Wolfie?!" Jules exclaimed, perking up.

The muffled voice on the other end said, "Is that Juliette Kazansky?"

"Yep, that's her! We're waiting for the rest of the Daggers to get here for dogfight football."

"Dogfight football?"

"I'll explain it when we see each other. What's up?"

"I was standing next to this blue Bronco, looking out over the ocean, and I noticed the most beautiful girls petting some extremely happy German Shepherds." At his words, Ghost stood instantly, scanning the parking lot eagerly. She seemed to zero in on an unfamiliar figure beside Rooster's vehicle. Hangman stood with her just in time to hear Wolfie ask, "Should I go talk to them?"

Ghost beamed broadly. "There will be hell to pay if you don't."

Hangman watched a man jog over, and as he closed the gap between them, he recognized the 'unfamiliar' figure, and his heart inexplicably sank. A ripped man had replaced the former chubby cadet, albeit with some of his baby face left. He was a spitting, younger image of Leonard "Wolfman" Wolfe.

"Wolfie!" Ghost gleefully exclaimed as he swept her up into an air hug. "What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting to see you today."

"I swear this is just a coincidence. We're meeting here for our day of shenanigans. Considering we're inevitably going to end up drinking copious amounts of alcohol, we're all taking Ubers here." Wolfie turned to Juliette and glanced down at her bulging belly before leaning forward and gently hugging her. "I'd greet you more exuberantly, but I don't want to hurt you or the babies! It's good to see you, Kazansky!"

"You too, Wolfe." Pulling away, she said, "You remember Bradley, right?"

Wolfie snorted. "How could I forget Bradshaw? How you doing, man? Long time no see. What's it been? Ten years?"

"More, I think. And I'm doing good. Yourself?"

"Never better. Good to see you two back together." Then, turning to Hangman, he said, "You look familiar. Where do we know each other from?"

"This is Jake Seresin," Ghost introduced quickly. "Jake, this is Leo. You two met at my graduation party."

A flicker of recognition flashed in Wolfie's eyes. He extended his hand and replied, "Oh, yeah! Callsign Texas, right?"

"It's Hangman now," Jake corrected with a charming smile as he shook the man's hand. 

"Hangman?" Wolfie repeated. "Why Hangman?"

"Fly with me and find out."

Wolfie chuckled. "Not sure if I want to find out with that callsign. Well, listen, I won't keep you guys from whatever you're doing, but we need to catch up before I leave."

"I'm not sure what you and your friends have planned, but you're welcome to join us for football. The more people, the better. I'm sure Mav would love to see you, too!" Juliette said sincerely, leaning into Rooster. The color in her face had drained a little, making him wonder if she was getting nauseous or dizzy. Both were concerning to Hangman. Rooster subtly slipped an arm around her waist, his eyes flicking to her to gauge the situation. Whether he observed anything or not, his gaze reverted back to Leo.

"Let me check with the boys. There are six of us, myself included," Wolfie explained, taking out his phone and shooting a text off to a group chat labeled 'Bachelor Blowout.' "There's my pilot, Jackal. You don't know him, but we do have four other eighty-six legacy babies: Sunrise and Diva-"

"Who are they related to from the eighty-six flyboys?" Ghost queried.

"Sundown and Hollywood, respectively. And then, of course, y'all know Jack and Joey Kazansky."

Juliette stiffened. "Oh God. My brothers are with you?"

"Yeah, why?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ooooh, I'm going to get an earful from them about a few things, mainly how I kept some of my pregnancy complications from them."

Wolfie blinked. "Uh, excuse me, what pregnancy complications?"

"Just a few fainting spells and some high blood pressure, all of which I have under control now. I didn't want them to panic if they learned I had more than one blackout, but they did, and now they're pissed. Shit..." Juliette's eyes locked onto two buff, blond men approaching from the distance. "I'm going to take care of this early on. I'll be back."

Juliette hurried off. Rooster excused himself to join her, stating he should help, leaving Hangman alone with Ghost and Wolfie. He felt like the odd man out between them. Hell, between the current group at the beach, he was the only one that didn't have a relation to the infamous "Flyboys of '86." Even Ghost did, being the daughter of Charlotte Blackwood. Where was Coyote when he needed him?

"I'm going to call Jackal and see what he wants to do. I'll be right back!" Wolfie clapped Ghost gently on the shoulder and walked off, talking to his pilot. For better or worse, this left Hangman alone with Ghost.

"Well-" she began- "this morning has certainly turned interesting."

"I know. Feeling kind of like the odd man out with all you legacies," Hangman teased in an attempt to hide his insecurity about it. He moved to stand next to Ghost, watching Juliette and Rooster with the Kazansky boys and Wolfie chatting on the phone.

Ghost caught onto his hidden concern immediately, though. "Don't worry. I feel out of place with them, too. Rooster, Wolfie, and the Kazanskys all grew up together, even if they didn't live next door to each other. Mom never really stayed in touch with anyone except Wolfman, so I never met anyone but Wolfie. I met Sunrise and Diva a handful of times and heard about them through Wolfie, but never met Bradshaw and Jules until I joined the Navy. Funny, considering how close our parents all were at one point."

He turned his head to look down at her. "Guess it's you and me against the legacies today."

Ghost met his gaze, the corner of her lip tugging upward. "Forever?"

Hangman's heart soared. "And always."

****

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[spine-buster]

Alone, Together | Chapter 22 | Morgan Rielly

A/N:  Thanks again for all the positive feedback!  We’re already at Chapter 22 and only in February.  I would like to say that there isn’t going to be any more drama, but the whole ~incident~ happens in March and, of course, Boston happens in April.  So…yeah.  For now, at least, happy times ahead! This chapter didn’t end up AT ALL where it was supposed to go, but I’m actually happy about that.  Some might call it filler (because it technically doesn’t contain any Morgan/Bee interaction) but I see it as pretty important.  

Hockey Night in Canada was quickly becoming favourite night of the week, especially when the Leafs were playing at home.  She had never been a hockey fan before Morgan, but now that she was – at least partly – she could feel the energy in Scotiabank Arena pulse through her veins.  She could feel it outside on the streets, walking past fellow Torontonians going to watch the game at a bar, at a friend’s place, or anywhere else.  She could even feel it within fellow fans, buzzing around the arena and getting close to the glass during open skate.  

Tonight, in particular, was a big one – Leafs vs. Canadiens.  Morgan had explained to her enough about the historic rivalry between the two teams, and even Aryne pitched in with a “Now they hate us even more because John wouldn’t grant them an interview.”  The energy was palpable.  And if Bee knew anything about Habs fans, it was that they were everywhere in Canada – even where you least expect it – and that they always travelled to support their team.  Even tonight, in prime enemy territory, she spotted a lot of Habs jerseys.  It was going to be a great Saturday night.  

But right now, all she cared about were babies.

Briony loved babies.  She loved them.  And she loved one baby in particular: Henry Gardiner.  He was the cutest, chubbiest, most perfect baby in all of Toronto and when any opportunity to hold or play with him came up, it excited her to no end.  Bee wasn’t going to have babies anytime soon, so when the opportunity arose to do literally anything with babies, she was the first to volunteer.  So when Bee saw Lucy had brought him to the game wearing and a cute, custom-made onesie that looked like a Gardiner jersey with hockey pants, she was over the moon.

“He was being really fussy…is being really fussy tonight,” Lucy said as she tried to bounce him in her arms.  

“You want me to hold him for a bit?  At least while we go down to the ice to say hi to dad?”

“Yeah, that could work,” Lucy agreed, handing her five-month-old over to Bee.  “What do you think, Hank?  Wanna stay with Auntie Bee?” she cooed.

Bee balanced his chubby body on her hip.  He looked up at her with his big blue eyes and she almost melted right then and there.  “Hi Henry!  Are we gonna be best friends tonight?  Are you gonna give Morgan a run for his money?”

“Henry you wanna go see Dada?  Wanna go see Dada?” Lucy smiled as Henry smiled at the word ‘Dada’.  Lucy slipped on his blue pair of baby headphones to protect his ears from all the noise before setting her diaper bag on the chair.

As the pair slowly made their way down the steps of the lower bowl, they eventually got to the glass in the corner, which was already surrounded by fans taking pictures of the team.  They stood back for a while, watching the team skate and shoot pucks as Bee bounced Henry in her arms and pointed out all the players to him.  He obviously couldn’t hear a thing, but he followed her points and let out happy noises the more she bounced him.  Eventually, some fans noticed them and made way for them to go right against the glass.  Bee held Henry close to the window, pointing at Jake.

Jake took a few more shots at the net before he saw them, quickly making his way over.  Like clockwork, a cameraman and photographer appeared beside them and started snapping pictures of Henry and Jake smiling at each other.  Bee thought it was out-of-this-world adorable, but also thought it was slightly awkward since she was neither Henry’s mom or Jake’s wife.  “Maybe you should take him,” she giggled, handing back to Lucy with open arms.  

“Yeah, let me hold him until they leave,” she agreed, bringing Henry a bit closer to the glass.  Jake continued to smile and wave, and the fans around them practically awed in unison.  Morgan came skating behind him, stopping briefly to wave at Henry and smile at what was transpiring.  He pulled a silly face to try to get Henry to laugh.  Instead, Henry looked at him, his little baby eyebrows furrowing, before he began to fuss and cry slightly.  Jake hit Morgan and Morgan made a dramatic ‘oops’ face before winking quickly at Bee.  She shook her head at him as he skated away.  

“Ooookay, that’s enough of Dada and his friends,” Lucy said, trying to calm him down.  “You want to go back to Auntie Bee?  Seems like you liked when she held you,” she said, handing him back into Bee’s arms.

Like previously, Henry began to calm down as Bee held him and bounced him on her hip.  Lucy began to thank the fans for making room for them, and as she did, Bee noticed a group of three young girls – they couldn’t have been older than 21 – recording them on their iPhones.  Bee tried not to look their way or give them any mind, but when she overheard one of them say to the other, “That’s Morgan Rielly’s girlfriend,” her breath couldn’t help but hitch in her throat.  

“Let’s get back to our seats before the Zamboni comes out,” Lucy said, unaware of the girls filming.  “Hank’s really scared of them and Jake’s still upset about it.”

As they made their way back to their seats, they saw Aryne and waved, Penny following close behind her.  They nestled into their seats – Lucy near the aisle, then Bee, then Aryne, then Penny – as Bee turned Henry to face forward to look out onto the ice, bouncing him slightly on her knee.  

“Are you girls ready for a shit show?” Penny asked.  “I don’t know if you saw, but Max Domi has already been chirping a few of the boys.”

The girls rolled their eyes, but Bee had no idea who Max Domi was.  “Who is Max Domi?”

Penny cringed.  “Don’t ask.”

Aryne looked over at her.  “Max is a player on the Habs.  His dad Tie used to play for Toronto from the mid-nineties to the mid-2000s,” she explained.  Bee was so grateful that Aryne and the other girls were still patient enough to explain things to her.  “He just crawls under people’s skin.  He likes to play dirty.  And ever since he got traded to Montreal and became a Hab, he’s been shitting on Toronto – literally the city he grew up in – every chance he gets.”

Bee furrowed her brows.  “So you’re telling me he’s a dumbass.”

The girls burst out into laughter at Bee’s deadpan delivery.  “Exactly,” Penny snorted.

“If he so much as touches one of our guys tonight I’ll go down there and fight him myself,” Lucy warned.  “I haven’t slept in two days and I’m surviving on cereal and smoothies.  I’m a ball of rage.”

Henry seemed content to stay on Bee’s lap during the first period, despite the constant grimacing, flailing of arms, screaming, and general scowling from the ladies.  By the end of the period, the Leafs were down 3-0, and Bee got the gift of seeing first-hand what kind of a player Max Domi was.  Though he hadn’t scored any of the goals, he was being an asshole, completely targeting Freddie and riling up Johnsson – of course, the referees called nothing.  Bee knew she always had to be mad at the referees.  

As Lucy left with Henry to change his diaper, Bee spent the intermission on her phone catching up on the day’s news events.  She was pretty busy at work these days, and throughout all the meetings Mark liked to spontaneously plan and the working lunches they’d have, she wasn’t able to catch up on anything during the day like she used to be able to when she was in-between classes.  She was nervous for the second period too – a lot of the fans that had made their way out into the concourse were grumbling about the lacklustre period and 3-0 score.

“The boys better make a comeback,” Aryne said almost to herself.  “I’m not putting up with any gloating Hab fans, and I’m sure as hell not putting up with a gloating Max Domi.”

Bee snorted at Aryne’s words as she opened Instagram, scrolling through her feed and liking pictures.  She had made it private back when Angie called her in Vancouver, but that didn’t stop people from somehow stealing her pictures – like Aryne showed her on Valentine’s Day – or stop them from trying to tag her in videos or send her DMs.  The tags were relentless – every picture someone stole from her profile, they’d tag her in it again, as if they wanted her to see that they stole it.  And now, there were more tags to sift through.  The girls who had recorded them at the glass had of course already uploaded the video to Instagram, and it was making the rounds.  She was tagged four times from four different accounts.  She watched the video, and obviously it was cute because of Henry, but the girls were in prime position to catch Morgan winking at her before skating away.  Perfect position.  She could only imagine what people were saying about it, and she didn’t want to read the comments.  Instead, she went to her Instagram DMs to clear her inbox.

So what, are you Lucy’s BFF now or something?

LMAOOOO now ur trying to get mo to have a baby with u U R PATHETIC!!!

R u pregnant

I know it’s your man’s jersey and all but it’s really doing your body no favours.  Have you gained weight?

“Whatcha reeeeading?” Penny asked.

Bee sighed dramatically.  “Well Penny, apparently I’m forcing Morgan to have a baby with me,” her voice was deadpan.

Penny snorted at the delivery.  “Oh how I just love Instagram DMs,” she giggled, shaking her head.  “Don’t worry, I’m only with Will for his money.”

“Oh, of course!  Morgan’s my sugar daddy!” Bee exclaimed, causing Penny to laugh even more.  “These girls see one video and think I’m pregnant.  It’s so weird,” she focused back on her phone.

Maybe Lucy should give you some yoga lessons so you can lose some weight.  She looks better than you do and she’s had a baby.

I told u we’d find pics of u and mo.  You’re not sneaky.

You guys looked really cute in Vancouver!!!!!  Can’t believe you met his parents already does that mean you’re getting married?????

You and Mo are rly cute

You’d look better with a nose job and some upper lip filler.  Just saying.

How kind of them to suggest a nose job and lip fillers.  Like women around the world weren’t already insecure with themselves.  She deleted everything, not bothering to read anymore.  She deleted the list of them until she heard a crying baby, bringing her back to reality and what really mattered.  When she finally looked up, she saw Lucy coming back with a crying Henry, and more fans filing back into the arena for the start of the second period.  

“He is being so incredibly fussy it’s driving me insane,” Lucy’s voice was exasperated as she sat back into her seat.  “The entire time he was wailing.  Just wouldn’t stop crying.”

“Awww, come here my chubby prince,” Bee cooed as she took Henry from a tired Lucy’s arms.  “You gotta let mommy rest.  Why’re you being so fussy?”

It took a few moments, but he eventually stopped crying and settled down, again looking up at Bee with his big blue eyes.  He even gave her a smile and giggled at her smiling down at him.  Lucy put her hands up in dramatic frustration.  “You’re like the baby whisperer tonight!  Seriously!” she exclaimed in astonishment.  “I can’t believe this!”  She even took out her phone to snap a quick picture of Henry smiling up at Bee, and Bee smiling down at him.  “You’re stuck with him the whole night if he’s going to be like this with you.”

“I’ll hold him the whole game if I have to,” Bee smiled.  “I’m not joking.  You want me to rock him to sleep?  Tuck him into bed?  I’ll do it.”

“Don’t tempt me.  I might take you up on your offer.”

As the second period started, Lucy fetched Henry’s bottle from her bag, and Bee fed him.  Auston scored early in the period, with Morgan getting the primary assist, and Bee hoped that the goal was a kick in the ass for the whole team to start scoring.  When Tyler scored a powerplay goal near the end of the period, she was confident they would come back.  And as always, Max Domi was being a pest, but because the boys were answering back, he didn’t have that much to say.

Then Willy scored in the third period to tie it and Penny went crazy.  Henry fell asleep and was snug in his carrier when Zach tied it and everybody in the arena went crazy.  Then the Habs got upset.  Four unanswered goals.  On the jumbotron, they showed Morgan and Max going back and forth, chirping one another with a body in between them, holding them apart.  God, Bee hated fighting, but if Morgan had slapped the smirk off Max’s face, she would have had no problem riding him across the Pacific Ocean.  She even fanned herself as the girls pointed it out to her and had a laugh about it.  A fifth goal by Johnsson, getting his payback on Max.  A sixth goal by Zach, again.  Six unanswered goals.  One hell of a comeback.  Sweet sweet revenge.

This is the hockey Bee could get used to.  

As fans began leaving the arena after the 6-3 win, the ladies took their own way to the locker rooms.  In the elevator, Bee took out her phone and saw she was tagged in yet another photo – but this one she would definitely keep.

@lucygardiner_: Henry loves his Aunt Bee! <3  Uncle Morgan has to work on his funny face game though…

It was the photo she had taken earlier of Henry looking up at her smiling.  With both of them smiling and the sea of blue jerseys behind them, it did make for a very cute picture.  Bee liked it immediately and decided to comment.

@brionymctavish: Heart eyes for my chubby prince!  Uncle Mo’s baby blues ain’t got nothing on Henry’s

***

“Listen, I know you have work tomorrow but can I please come over?  I don’t want to watch this alone.”

Thus began the night of February 28th, the dreaded day – the day John Tavares returned to Long Island.  The media had been hyping the return for days, and truth be told, Bee thought they were making a bigger deal than what needed to be made.  They kept stressing the fan reaction, the videos they posted online of them burning John’s jerseys, which was absolutely ridiculous.  They kept asking John annoying questions about it, and they kept asking players on the Islanders annoying questions about it.  Bee wished it could all just end, but they needed to get through the game first.  

Aryne showed up to Bee’s apartment with takeout Greek food.  They didn’t even bother setting it up in the dining table – they just took their spots on the floor and spread everything out on the coffee table in front of the TV.  Coverage was already on, and the guys on Sportsnet were blabbering on about something.  Judging by the time, Bee knew the boys would be on the ice soon for the pre-game skate.  She didn’t need to wonder what the reception for John would be since she was being told for an entire fucking week that it “wasn’t gonna be good”.  

“Are you looking for places?” Aryne asked as she sat down on a pillow, looking at Bee’s laptop screen of apartment listings.  

“Oh.  Yeah,” Bee nodded her head.  “I can’t live off of Naz and Ashley forever.”

“It’s not like they’re going bankrupt,” Aryne quipped.

“Yeah, but I’m earning decent money now.  They can at least get the income back from leasing out this place,” she shrugged her shoulders, wanting to drop the subject.  “Have you talked to John?”

Aryne nodded her head, opening the takeout container to reveal her gyro.  “He’s fine.  At least he seems to be.  He’s seen some of his old teammates already and they caught up, which was nice.”

“That’s good,” Bee offered gently.  “Does it feel weird for him being back there?”

“I don’t think so,” Aryne said.  “I mean…he spent nearly ten years of his life there.”  She looked at the TV and they both noticed the teams making their way on to the ice.  The camera was focused solely on the Leafs.  “Can you turn it up?” she asked.  

The more Bee turned up the volume, the more boos could be heard.  The arena wasn’t even at full capacity but they were deafening.  Between keeping the focus on John, the camera also panned to people and signs in the crowd.  People who had taped up their Tavares jerseys and re-wrote ‘Traitor’; people who made a sign saying ‘We don’t need you’; people standing and booing and giving the middle finger with one hand while a beer was in another.  It was gross.  

“How could they be so awful,” Bee said more so to herself than to Aryne.  Seeing person after person with toy snakes and throwing them on to the ice was not funny.  It was not amusing.  This was a person that was their captain, and here they were disrespecting him and treating him like shit when he did so much for their team.  Bee looked over at Aryne, who didn’t seem to blink as she watched the clown show in front of her.  “We can change the channel if you want.”

“No,” Aryne answered.  As much as it pained her to watch, she couldn’t.  “I promised John I’d watch the whole thing no matter how bad the fans were.  I’m watching it for him, not for them.”  She worded it perfectly.  This wasn’t about them, no matter how much they wanted to make it about them.  Aryne knew that.  Bee knew that.

They watched in silence as John made his way back to the tunnel.  All of the sudden, something flew across the TV screen heading towards John’s head, narrowly missing him, making both women gasp in fear.  They held their breath as the replay occurred, Bee’s hands over her mouth.  “It’s a jersey.  It’s a jersey,” she said quickly, noticing the colours on the object being thrown.  The distinct blue and orange couldn’t be mistaken for anything else.  

When she looked over at Aryne, she could see tears welling in her eyes.  “Aryne…Aryne it’s okay,” she said, crawling over to her side of the table before giving her a quick hug.  “It didn’t even hit him.  The guy missed.  It didn’t hit him.”

“Why do they hate him so much?” she asked, her voice shaky as she continued to look at the screen.  “He was the backbone of that team for years.  He moved there alone when he was eighteen years old to play for them and this is how they repay him?”

“Aryne, they’re being dumb.  They’ve been amped up by the media and this is just theatrics,” Bee tried to calm her down.

“I don’t get it,” she shook her head.  “You just…you spend nine years of your life somewhere, building your life and career, and they just turn on you at the drop of a hat…just because you want to go home.  Just because you want to play for your childhood team.  Because you want to be close to your family and start a family of your own,” she lamented.  “My God.  I don’t even know why I’m crying.  This…this is definitely pregnancy hormones,” she was embarrassed as she wiped away the tears.  

“It’s okay to be emotional about this Aryne,” Bee said softly, rubbing her back.  

“He’s just so happy to be home, Bee.  Why can’t they see that?”

“They’re blinded by their anger, but that’s not your problem,” Bee said.  “He was a UFA Aryne.  What was he supposed to do?  Stop playing hockey just to make them happy?  Play somewhere he wasn’t truly happy?  Play for his childhood team when he only had a half a tank of gas left?  That’s not far to him and his goals.  Even if hockey wasn’t a part of it at all.  He made the best decision for himself and for you both and they don’t want to see that.”

Aryne didn’t say anything.  She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks before laying her head on Bee’s shoulder.  After a while of silence, she finally said in a soft voice, “I think the reason I like you so much is because you just…you see things outside of hockey.  Sometimes I forget what it’s like.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You just have this perspective the rest of us don’t have,” she said without elaborating.  “Never lose it, okay?”

The boys played like shit.  They didn’t show up for one of the biggest games of the season – there was no other way to put it.  They let John down.  After Zach opened the scoring and got another goal taken away (because of the “offside” rule, which Bee still thought was a completely made up call), the team was sucker-punched to a 6-1 loss.  It was brutal.  Every time John touched the puck, the crowd booed so loudly it almost drowned out the announcers.  Bee hated it.  She never wanted to experience another game like this again.  

This was not the hockey she wanted to get used to.  

“Are you sure you don’t want to just crash here tonight?  You must be exhausted,” Bee asked as Aryne was packed up to leave, taking most of her uneaten gyro with her.

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry.  At this time of night the drive is nothing.  Plus, John will probably call and want to talk,” she explained, putting her Styrofoam container into a plastic bag.

Bee kept ruminating over what Aryne had said to her earlier.  ‘You see things outside of hockey.  You have this perspective the rest of us don’t have.’  She wondered what Aryne meant by that.  She knew it wasn’t super invested in hockey.  She knew that Morgan had only ever played for the Leafs and he had never switched teams, been a UFA, signed an offer sheet, demanded a trade, any of that.  She knew she was only getting one perspective, especially since Morgan wanted to stay a Leaf forever.  Despite being from Vancouver, they were his childhood team.  His dad fist-pumped on camera when the Leafs drafted him.  Aryne had been through so much more than she had, yet she was the one telling Bee ‘You have this perspective the rest of us don’t have’.  “Hey Aryne…” she began, unsure if she should bring it up.

“Mhmm?”

“You know…you know before…before the game started.  How you said I see things outside of hockey and that I have a perspective the rest of you guys don’t have?  What did you mean by that?”

Aryne stood still.  “I didn’t offend you did I?”

Bee shook her head vehemently.  “No no.  Not at all.  I just want to know what you meant.  I’m wracking my brain trying to figure it out.”

“Do you promise not to hate me if I explain it?”

“I could never hate you.  The only reason I could hate you is for telling me who Max Domi is.”

Aryne smiled before getting more serious.  “A lot has happened to you this year, with the break-in and with your mom dying.  A lot has happened to you in your life.  And somehow, you’re still…it never seems to phase you.  And…I don’t know.  It brings me back down to earth a little bit.  When I get stressed over John or hockey or whatever else, I just think about all you’ve been through and how you’ve overcome it all with such grace and a good head on your shoulders and I just think ‘Man, this girl’s got it all figured out.’”

“I don’t have it all figured out,” Bee shook her head.  “Far from it.”

Aryne bit her lip.  “Listen, you just prioritize the right stuff in your life.  You prioritize yourself, your relationship with Mo, your job…not a lot of girls your age that we know can say the same thing.  That’s why Sydney reacted the way she did when you mentioned having a career and the fact that Morgan liked you having one.  A lot of people lose sight of what is supposed to matter and all they end up caring about is their boyfriend or their wedding or how they look on Instagram.  But despite all this new stuff around you, all this money and all this privilege, you’ve never lost sight of what truly matters.  Even the way you brush off all the DMs you get on Instagram.  And I don’t want to patronize you and tell you I’m proud of you, even though I am, and I’m not saying that you’re a saint, but it makes me think about the priorities in my life,” she absent-mindedly put a hand over her baby bump.  “Hockey is there but it’s John’s priority more than it is mine.  I care about my husband, my family, our growing family, our friends who are like our family.  And in the grand scheme of things, stuff like what happened tonight…it doesn’t matter.  You get that.  Somehow, without having been involved in hockey for years or without being involved in the wag lifestyle that so many girls think is an absolute dream when it’s really not…you get that.”

“I don’t know what to say Aryne.”

Aryne shrugged her shoulders.  “I just think we can all learn a little from you, that’s all.  Remember where our real priorities are.  Because it’s not with the Chanel bags, or the gala events, or the mingling with Toronto socialites, or the Instagram feed showing off your new lip fillers and the picture perfect way your boyfriend has proposed.  It’s with each other.”

[hit-em-with-the-four]

I Got Away With You- Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The three of them touch down at Billy Bishop airport on Toronto Island and are quickly escorted to a car. 

“Your highnesses I contacted Lucy to let her know we landed and she shall be expecting us in the next hour or so.” Adrienne says smiling at the two royals in the car with her.

“Thanks girly, always can count on you.” Arabella days and Adrienne looks at her in confusion. “What? I have to get used to talking like a normal teenager.” She giggles. 

When the three get to Lucy’s apartment, Adrienne pushes the code and the door unlocks so they are able to get into the building. It is a very impressive place and Arabella notices that they hit almost the top floor. 

“Where does she live?”

“One of the high end top floor apartments I guess. I don’t quite know,” Adrienne smiles as they exit and walk to Lucy’s apartment. She knocks and the three patiently wait.

“Adrienne!” A short beautiful blond lady exclaims holding a chubby little baby on her hip. “Oh, your highnesses! It is so nice to meet you.” She curtsies. 

“Please Lucy, the pleasure is all ours.” 

“Please come in, I have tea steeping right now and this little guy is just going for a nap.”

“What’s his name?”

“Henry!”

“Aw, he is so adorable.” Arabella gushes looking at the sleepy boy. 

“Thank you, I will be right back. Jake should be here very soon so we will be able to chat about everything!”

“Perfect, would you like any help with anything?”

“No no, your highness I shall be okay.”

“Please call me Arabella from now on.” Lucy smiles. 

“Of course Arabella, whatever you would like.”

When Jake gets home the five of them sit at the kitchen table and go over logistics.

“So, Arabella would move here the middle of August?” He asks.

“Yes and of course we would compensate. All we ask is that Adrienne come with her as safety measures. She will still need to do royal appearances but it will be very hush and when she is not on royal duty she will have to alter her appearance. Her contacts and hair will be changed. Her last name will change as well just to keep her safe and away from things. And she will have a bodyguard in Toronto with her but always at a distance and not when she is here with you. This will simply be for her safety to ensure that no one knows who she is or why she is here. Obviously, I trust you and your family to keep this secret of having a royal and the future Queen of Denmark.” “I love the Royal Family and the fact that you are trusting me with a member in my home is wonderful and I am so grateful that you have chosen us to house such an important person.” “Adrienne was the one who recommended you. She has only spoken highly of you two and being related to her and how righteous and reliable her family is, personally it was a no brainer who I wanted to be with.” Arabella smiles and Lucy can hardly contain her excitement.

“Im so excited! We can show you all Toronto has to offer! The girls will be excited to meet you.” Arabella looks at Lucy. “Oh? Sorry, I guess we never mentioned this. Jake is on the local NHL team, the Toronto Maple Leaf!”

“Ah, that is wonderful! I have never been to an NHL game before. Should I get a jersey?”

“Yeah, we’ll hook you up!” Jake chuckles. 

“Thank you, now we also have something else to ask you two.” The couple nods and Arabella pulls an invitation out of her Kate Spade hand bag. 

“This is for you two. As a thank you for taking me in we are going to pay for your airfare via our private jet, outfits custom made by designers who outfit the royals and accommodations to stay at the castle. We are hosting a ball for my twentieth which has just passed. It is next weekend and we would love for you to join us on such a momentous occasion.” The pair look at Arabella in disbelief. 

“Princess, this is quite unnecessary.”

“Are you about to say no to the Princess and Queen of Denmark.” Arabella winks with a smile gracing her face. 

“No your highness.” Lucy says the same smile gracing her face as well. 

“That’s what I thought. Now, will Henry be in attendance?”

“We can take him to John’s or Morgan’s. I am sure neither of them would mind if Henry spent time with them. Mitch’s and Steph wouldn’t mind either, as long as we give them a bribe.”

“I have just the things for them when you come to the palace I will show you.”

“Thank you, would you like to see your rooms?”

“You have enough space for both of us to have our own rooms?”

“Yep! Morgan, my teammate used to love with us so your room is his old one. Don’t worry, we cleaned it and can decorate it to your liking.” Jake shrugs standing up. 

“Sounds good to me.” The group stands up to check out the rest of the apartment. 

“This room is beautiful.” Arabella heats Adrienne whisper. 

“You can have this one if you want. I don’t mind taking the other one. You made all this happen, you wholeheartedly deserve this.” Arabella smiles. 

“Why don’t we decide later when we have seen all options?” 

“Deal!”

“Now, I noticed there’s an apartment downstairs? Are you renting or looking to rent it out?” Arabella rolls her eyes and looks at Adrienne as the Queen speaks. 

“We hadn’t thought of it yet. Why do you need a place for security?” Jake asks.

“Mother no I don’t need security around here. No one knows who I am.” Arabella mutters under her breath. 

“Arabella Feodora, you are not to defy my wishes. You wished to go to Toronto!”

“To have a normal life!” Arabella exclaims. The queen looks at her in disbelief. 

“You are the future Queen. Your life will never be normal. For your safety we have to have guards. How about Celeste and Fred?” Fred is Adrienne’s brother and Celeste is his wife. Arabella looks at Adrienne and Lucy. 

“Would that be okay with you two. I mean this is your house and we wouldn’t want to over stay our welcome?” Arabella says directing her attention away from her mother to Jake and Lucy. 

“We would love to have them take over the downstairs apartment. They have a separate entrance and all the amenities they have are the same as a regular apartment would.”

“We will compensate and pay rent.” The couple wave it off. 

“We are more than happy to do this for free.”

“We’ll pay to do a house makeover? Whatever you guys want as a thank you?” Lucy and Jake try to argue, both thinking that it is so unnecessary of them to do. “We’re not gonna take no for an answer. We have to repay you for everything you’ve done. So it’s either money or a house makeover. Which one would you prefer?”

“House makeover for sure!” Lucy says enthusiastically thinking about all of the things she could redecorate with. 

“Perfect! It’s settled then!” 

[hockeyluver-1995]

Chance Meetings- Morgan Rielly Chapter 1

Morgan Rielly Story

Chapter One:

Word count: 3.4 k

Tagging: @holy-pucks

September 2018

“Hails, can you come here for a minute?” called Jess from her home office. I was folding the children’s laundry when I heard her voice so I quickly put finished folding Max’s onesie and put it in the pile I had already finished.

The Green family hired me to be their nanny when Nate was three, Ella was one year old, and Jess was just starting her fashion line in Vancouver. Initially, it was only supposed to be a one-year contract. However, three years later I am still happily working for their family. Since joining the Green family three years ago they had another son Max who has just turned 16 months yesterday. Jessica became a world-famous fashion designer. Tom got a job offer to be the official team doctor of the Toronto Blue Jays. When they asked me if I would be willing to move to back to my home province with them it was a no brainer to pack up everything and move with them. They had never treated me like I was just their employee; they made me feel like a part of the family since day one.

So here we are 5 months later settling into our new house, our new routine and our new city.

“Would you try this on for me?” asked Jess once I stepped into her home office. I noticed that hanging by the window was a beautiful black strapless dress.

I grabbed the dress from the hanger and made my way to the makeshift change room Jessica created. As I was putting on the dress I couldn’t help but look at my reflection in the mirror. What I was not expecting was for my breath to be taken away as I looked at my reflection. The dress accentuated my curves perfectly and made me feel confident in my body.  All throughout elementary school and high school, I was always chubby. Finally, in college, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and realized I needed to make some changes for myself so I could be comfortable in my own skin. The next day I started the journey to living a healthier lifestyle and started working out four times a week and eating healthy. A year later I had lost 20 pounds and I had the curves in all the right places and I had lost my stomach fat.  

I took a deep breath and stepped outside of the change room. Jessica’s eyes widened and she gasped as she looked at me in her dress.

“Oh Hailey, you look absolutely breathtaking.  This dress will be perfect for tonight.”

“Um…. What’s tonight?”

“Oh my gosh! I thought we told you. The Maple Leafs are hosting an event for the season ticket holders and Tom and I can’t go. We thought you and Katie could go instead.”

Katie is my best friend since kindergarten that lives in Toronto and works for sick kids.

“Haha, no problem. I will text her now so that she gets a dress ready.”

“No, No. I have a dress here she can wear for tonight. It's my fault you guys didn’t get a heads up, it’s the least I could do.”

“Oh, Hailey. You just look so beautiful in that dress. That dress was made for you. Would you mind if I took your picture in it before you go so that I can post it on my Instagram?”

I grabbed my phone and took a picture in the mirror and airdropped it to Jess so that she could post it on her professional Instagram account.

                                                 @jessgreenfashion while designing this dress this beauty came to mind #modelstatus #hotnannyalert

As I was looking at the mirror, Jess walked behind me and whispered in my ear “the players will not be able to resist you.”

I quickly turned around and faced her “you know I don’t date athletes after what happened.”

“I know hails, but it will still be a confidence boost if they can't keep their eyes off of you.”

“Thank you, Jess, I appreciate everything you do for me.”

“Tom and I owe you more than this, you do an amazing job with our children. We love you and could not be happier that you are a part of this family.” Jess said as she pulled me in for a hug.

“It’s Friday night I can take care of the kids. Your off duty nanny Hails, go get ready for your evening.”

I grabbed the dress and headed towards my wing of the house. Our house in Toronto has a separate part of the house that has a kitchen area, and master bedroom separate from their living quarters. It is perfect for me as a 24-year-old as it gives me my own space from the family.

Once I got to my part of the house I set the dress down on my bed and pulled out my iPhone to call Katie to invite her to the event.

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked as soon as I heard Katie’s voice on the phone.

       “No hello first?” she questions giggling on the line.

       “Hello… Now answer the question!” I asked laughing.

       “I have no plans”

“Well, now you do. Jess and Tom can’t go to the maple leafs season ticket holder event so we are going instead. Jess says she has a dress here for you.”

“That’s so exciting! I will head over to your place after I shower.”

“Okay, see you soon,” I said as I disconnected the call  

Once Katie arrived Jess gave her the dress and we headed to my part of the house to get ready.  I quickly curled my brown hair into loose waves and did my make up so that my blue eyes would pop. Next, I grabbed my beige heels and slipped into the black dress.

Once ready we both walked into the main area to leave for the event. When we walked into the room Nate quickly ran up to me and gave me a big hug saying that I looked beautiful. Ella stated that I looked like a Disney princess and Max toddled over to me and gave me a big hug.

As we were standing at the front door Jessica came up to us.

“Oh, girls you guys look amazing, enjoy your evening and the open bar!”

“Thanks, Jess” we both smiled as we gave her a big hug.

With that, we were out the door and into the uber heading to the Fairmont Royal York Hotel. When we got to the gate we handed our event tickets to the security guard standing at the front of the building and headed into the event. Once we walked into the banquet hall we were handed a glass of champagne.

“To an awesome year of being in the same providence again” stated Katie as we tapped our glasses together, raising it up to our lips and taking a sip.  

As we looked around the room from our seats Katie noticed Brad the guy she was dating walk into the room. She pointed him out to me and linked her arm with mine as we made our way over to him to say hello.

“Brad, this is Hailey my best friend I was telling you about!” exclaimed Katie as she gave him a big hug.

Brad looked at me over Katie’s shoulder and stuck his hand out to shake mine.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Hailey, Katie has told me a lot about you.”

“All good I hope! We have gone on some crazy adventures together.” I exclaimed as I started giggling at the memory of losing my purse after a few too many drinks. That night ended with a phone call from the police stating they found my purse and meeting up with them to get it back.

I could tell Katie had told him about that night because when I looked at her she couldn’t stop giggling.

“Katie, says that you’re the trainer for the leafs. That must be a cool job”

“I am very lucky to be able to do what I do.”

“Babe would you be able to take a picture of Hailey and me?” she asked as she handed him her phone.

We quickly sat down on the couch, holding up the wine bottle and wine glasses that we had been drinking since arriving at the gala.

Just as we were posing for the photo brad tried to get us to laugh for a candid photo.

“Try not to lose your purse tonight Hailey.” He said laughing.

We couldn’t contain our laughter as we remembered that adventure. As we were laughing Brad kept taking our picture getting natural laughing photos.

“Hahaha, I’m not planning on drinking that much tonight. It’s your girlfriend here that is the bad influence.”

“Now that I believe,” added Brad as he sent a wink Katie’s way.

“Hey,” Katie said not being able to keep faking her anger as she burst out laughing.

Brad handed Katie her phone back and we scrolled through the photos.

“Oh My God, these pictures are amazing,” I stated as I looked at the photo of us laughing. “Send it to me so I can post it onto my Instagram account!”

                              @haileybaker95 fancy dresses, free wine, laughs and best friends. #reunited #bestfriendsforlife

            tagged: @katiegraham    @jessgreenfashion

            location: Fairmont Royal York Hotel

Katie and I headed back over to the table we were assigned and sat down. Once at the table, a beautiful blonde came up to us

“You guys look beautiful in your dresses. I’m Lucy.”

I gave her a smile “Thank you. You look beautiful as well. My name is Hailey.”

“I’m Katie.”

“I must ask where did you get your dresses. They look amazing.”

“Jess Green designed them for us,” Katie said as she smiled at Lucy. ‘Hailey here is her children’s live-in nanny” Katie added.

“Wow, that’s amazing. How old are the children you look after?” asked Lucy as she sat down at the table with us as she had happened to be assigned to the seat, Katie.

“They are 6 years old, four years old and sixteen months old.”

“wow, you have your hands full. My son is eight months old.”

“awe, would I be able to see a photo?” I asked.

“Of course,” Lucy said as she pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of her son.

“We will have to have a play date in the park soon” stated Lucy “What’s your Instagram?”

“sounds good. It’s @haileybaker95.”

“You should meet my friend Morgan…. he won't admit it but you have him nervous and he has been trying to work up the courage to come to talk to you since you walked into the event,” Lucy whispered into my ear.

I looked around her a noticed that Morgan Rielly was looking our way. I’m not going to lie he was very attractive. He was wearing a blue suit with a burgundy tie.

Lucy waved at him and he slowly made his way over with Jake trailing behind him.

Once Morgan got to the table he sat down in his spot that happened to be beside me.

“Morgan this is Hailey and Katie. Girls this is Morgan and Jake my husband.”

“Morgan, Hailey lived in Vancouver as a nanny for three years and they just moved to Toronto,” Katie said sending me a wink.

“Really! That’s awesome where did you live?”

“We lived in North Vancouver”

“I grew up in North Vancouver and go back every summer.”

“I absolutely loved living in BC… it has beautiful waters and breathtaking mountains.”

“What brought you back to Toronto?”

“The family I work for got a job as the team doctor for the Toronto Blue Jays so we made our way here. I grew up just outside of Toronto so it's nice to be home.”

“I love living in both Toronto and Vancouver.”

“Mo did you actually stick to the diet this summer?” asked Jake as he started teasing him.

“I didn’t break the diet I just bent it a little.” Added Morgan as he started laughing.

“Mo here is notorious for buying chips every time he is at the grocery store.” Added Jake.

“You always need sweet chilly heat chips in your shopping cart.” Added Morgan.

“Chips are my weakness… well, that and ice cream on top of freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.” I said.

“I can’t even go down the frozen aisle or I am game over!” Morgan exclaimed. “Warm cookies and ice cream are the A plus of desserts! You get warm from the cookie and the cold from the ice cream and the cookie starts to melt the ice cream.

“Hailey here is an amazing baker” added Katie.

“You will have to bake me some cookies then” stated Morgan as he started to flirt with me.

“Sounds good,” I said as I sent a smile Morgan’s way.

I couldn’t help the wave of emotions that took over me as I felt this connection with Morgan that I never felt before.  It was like something was pulling us together.

Immediately flashbacks of Lucas came rushing into my head, specifically his words of “no one will ever love you as I do.”

I quickly excused myself from the table and headed to the ladies room, both Lucy and Katie following me.

“You’re probably wondering why I basically ran to the bathroom,” I said as I looked at Lucy through the mirror.  “I’m not going to lie. I’m scared of the connection I already have with Morgan and I just met him. I promised myself that I would not date another athlete after what happened.”  

Lucy stepped right beside me “may I ask why you don’t want to date another athlete?”

“I dated a hockey player while I was living in Vancouver. He had just been called up to the Canucks and he made me fall for him fast. I was so in love with him I thought we would be getting married and starting a family. What I didn’t know was that throughout our 2-year relationship he was cheating on me the whole time. When I found out I was heartbroken and I couldn’t believe that the person that I thought was going to start a life with betrayed me in such a way. When I broke up with him he convinced me that he would change and that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.”

I took a deep breath and continued with the story.

“I stupidly gave him another chance and he manipulated me into believing that no one would ever love me besides him and that he was the one for me. For months I couldn’t get them throughout his affairs out of my mind. But every time I thought about leaving I couldn’t get his words out of my head… What if no one else would ever love me? What if he was it for me? What if no one could love some who was too weak to leave a bad situation?”

As I finished telling her what Lucas had done, she pulled me into a big hug

“Oh Hailey, I can not even imagine what that must have been like. But I can promise you that Morgan would never do that. I have known him six years and I can tell you he is one of the sweetest guys I know.” She said as she pulled out of the hug.

I quickly wiped the tear that fell from my eyes and smiled at Lucy “Oh my god, I am so sorry that was an emotional story for just meeting someone but thank you for being here for me. I guess I needed to get that off my chest.”

We headed out of the bathroom and I walked towards Katie and Brad, Lucy made her way towards where Jake and Morgan were standing.  Throughout the rest of the evening, Morgan and I could not stop locking eyes but neither of us made the move to talk to each other again.

As the event was winding down, I pulled out my phone to call an Uber. As I made my way outside to wait outside Morgan came towards me and opened the door for me to step through.  

“Thank you.”

Just as we walked out of the hotel my uber arrived.

“That’s me,” I said as I gave Morgan a hug.

“Have a good night Hailey. I hope I can see you soon. ” He replied giving me a smile.

“Maybe Morgan. Have a good night” I turned around and said as I stepped into my ride.

Once in the car, I couldn’t believe I had just hugged Morgan… Like who does that to someone they just met and had a couple of conversations…. Especially one who was as well know as Morgan in the city of Toronto that was like hugging a celebrity after meeting them in the streets.

Morgan’s Point Of View

All night I couldn’t help but look at the mysterious brunette in the black dress as she stood across the room from me. I noticed her as soon as she walked into the room and she took my breath away when I saw her in that black dress. She looked absolutely beautiful but I couldn’t work up the courage to talk to her.  I watched as her blue eyes had a sparkle to them as she laughed at what her friend had said.

Lucy noticed my staring and gave me a reassuring smile as she headed towards the mystery brunette that had captured my attention.  

Once Lucy introduced me to her I found out my mystery girls is named Hailey. Once we started talking about Vancouver and our favourite junk food I knew I was in trouble and that I could see myself pursuing something with her.

Throughout the rest of the night, I couldn’t help but lock eyes with Hailey, as I was walking around the room and engaging with the other fans.  

I noticed that Hailey was making her way outside to head home so I quickly ran to the door and held it open for her. The uber came to quick for my liking and I did not have the chance to ask for her number. Defeated I headed inside to find Lucy hoping that she had better luck than me.

Once inside the hotel, I found Lucy and Jake walking out of the banquet hall. I walked towards them.

“Hailey huh” Jake stated as he moved his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“I didn’t even get a chance to get her number.”

“I have her Instagram handle Morgan. I didn’t even think to get her phone number,” added Lucy as she gave me a smile.

I handed Lucy my phone and she opened a note on my iPhone and typed in Hailey’s Instagram. We said our goodbyes and I headed back to my place.

Once in bed, I opened my Instagram app and typed in her account name and clicked follow. I scrolled through her pictures and I couldn’t help but smile.

With each picture I saw on her account the more I wanted the chance to get to know her better.

Hailey’s Point of View

Our new place was in Forrest Hill so I hopped into an uber and headed home after the event ended. Once I got home I quietly opened the front door and made my way through the house to my wing. I opened my door and placed my jacket and wallet on my coat rack and made my way into my bedroom to put on my pajamas. Once in my pajamas, I made my way into my adjoining bathroom and started my nightly routine. My bed was calling my name so I quickly jumped into bed and laid my head on my pillow, just as my head hit the pillow I heard a ding from my bedside table. I looked over at my phone and noticed that I had a notification from Instagram. I opened the app and saw that some followed me. I assumed it would have been Lucy since I gave her my account name but to my surprise, I saw that two people follow me.

@morganrielly now follows @haileybaker95

@lucygardiner_ follows @haileybaker95

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 53c

“I’m not.” He paused, “I’ve known for years she’s had distorted eating issues.”

"Why didn't she come to me about it? I'm her mother for goodness sake!"

“Because until last night she never admitted she had a problem.”

"Well looking at the state she's in today that's clearly not exactly done her much good!"

“She was willing to eat until someone commented on the size of her plate.”

"So this is all my fault is it?!"

“I’m not saying that.”

"Then what are you saying Charlie?"

“I’m not accusing anyone of anything.” He sighed. “I just wish I could do something.”

"Aren't there treatment programmes or something? Seeing as how you're convinced she has a problem that needs fixing."

“She won’t go to them.”

"Can't you make her?"

“No I can’t. I wish I could.”

"Aren't there ways you can force her medically?"

“Forcing her won’t change anything.”

"Obviously I'm not suggesting that you have my daughter sectioned or anything that dramatic..!"

“Duffy has to do this on her own terms.”

"How did you let things get this serious?"

“Me?” Charlie laughed slightly.

"What's so funny?"

“You think this is all my fault?”

"Well you claim to know her better than I do..."

“I can’t do anything to force her.”

"So how long has this been going on for then?"

“I don’t know. A while I assume.”

"Is this because of what Andrew did to her?"

“I don’t think Andrew helped matters.”

"He rarely did!"

“He used to force her to eat and then taunt her for it.”

The thought hit Kate like a ten tonne weight. "I never considered that was why..." She murmured.

“What was why?”

"She gained quite a lot of weight after Jake was born and then a little while later suddenly lost it all. Then it happened again, twice maybe three times more. I told her she needed to get a grip."

“She hates her figure. Prefers it when she’s skinny to being fat. Because she thinks she’s fat when she’s curvy.”

"Why would she think that? I mean there's been a handful of times where she's been quite overweight but most of the time she's just a bit chubby cheeked. But she's been like that since she was a little girl."

“Because she feels men take advantage of her when she’s curvy.” He explained and sighed.

"Oh well that's just nonsense! She's only had a handful of boyfriends over the years."

“It didn’t have to be her boyfriends that took advantage of her.”

"What are you saying Charlie? Did someone hurt my little girl?" She added in a whisper.

“I can’t tell you Kate. I promised Duffy.”

"I'm her mother!"

“And I promised my wife.” He replied back.

Kate sighed.

“I’m sorry Kate. I’d tell you but I made a promise. And I take my promises seriously.”

"I respect that." She sighed, knowing Charlie wouldn't budge on the matter.

“I will look after her. But she doesn’t make it easy.”

"She never has. She's stubborn like her father."

He nodded, “Stubborn is one way of describing her.”

Charlie and Kate decided to take the kids out for a walk to give Duffy a chance to rest without interruptions. Peter wasn't especially keen as he was concerned that there was more going on than they were being told but eventually agreed to go along.

“Please don’t worry about your mum, Peter. She’s just having a rest.”

"Shouldn't someone stay with her?" Peter suggested as they began to walk away from the house.

“No, your mum just needs to sleep.”

Duffy woke up a little while later, confused to find the house empty. Feeling a little stronger after her nap she went through to the kitchen and made herself a sandwich and a glass of water.

The children were playing in the park. There was a note on the kitchen counter.

“We’ve gone to the park, left you to sleep. Love you xxx”

After eating the sandwich she decided to take a walk to the park, hoping the fresh air would do her some good.

It was a nice day, slightly cold but the rain had held off for now. Charlie watched the children as they played.

Duffy crept up behind him. "I thought I'd best come to you to have my obs checked." She whispered cheekily in his ear.

He laughed softly hearing her voice. “Hello gorgeous.”

She smiled as she held out her wrist towards him.

He placed his fingers on her wrist and took her pulse.

"Satisfied now?"

“Hm, for now.” He replied with a smile as he met her gaze.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine!"

“I believe you.”

"Mummy!" Tilly squealed as she came running over. Reaching her parents she jumped up, forcing Duffy to lift her up.

“You ok, mummy?” Tilly asked.

"Yes princess." She smiled, giving Tilly a kiss.

“Good.” Tilly giggled and kissed her mum back.

"Why don't you go play with your sisters?" Duffy suggested as she placed the little girl back on the ground.

Tilly giggled, nodded and ran back to her siblings.

"Is Emily OK?" Duffy asked Charlie, purposely keeping her voice low.

“Emily’s fine.” He reassured with a smile.

"This needs to stop though doesn't it?"

He nodded, “Yes baby.”

"I can't do this alone."

“You’re not on your own.”

She nodded. "I'm scared." She admitted softly.

“Scared of what?” He asked.

"Failing."

“You won’t fail.”

She lent her head on his shoulder. "I'm guessing from the looks my mum keeps giving me that you told her?"

“Yeah I did.” He sighed, “I told her that you had problems with your eating.”

"What did she say?"

“Nothing really.”

"She didn't suggest you have me committed then?"

“Sectioned? No, she didn’t want that.”

"You do surprise me! That's her usual solution to anything she doesn't understand - hide it away and pretend everything is OK."

“She just wishes she could help you. A bit like me really.”

"She tries to help but at the same time worries too much about what others think of her. Why else do you think she calls herself 'mrs'? For years she told people my dad was dead."

“It was a different generation back then.”

"Yeh, better he was dead than having abandoned us without a care."

He sighed sadly and rubbed her arm. “Sit down?”

She sighed and let him lead her over to a nearby bench.

“I’ll help you as much as I can, ok?”

"And I'll try to let you help me."

“Thank you.” He kissed her cheek.

They stayed in the park for another half an hour or so before the younger children started to complain they were getting cold.

“Hot chocolates all round?” Charlie asked.

"With arshellows?" Emily asked.

“If you want marshmallows, you can have them.”

"Yay!" She giggled.

They went to the cafe near the park and ordered hot chocolates with marshmallows for the children.

"Yum, yum!" Tilly giggled as she got cream all over her lip.

Charlie smiled as he watched her.

Lottie and Emily began to giggle as they copied Tilly. The giggles grew louder as Tilly decided to try and balance a marshmallow on the end of her nose. The girls and boys laughed hysterically. Tilly was certainly the clown of the family and lapped up the attention. She did really well at balancing the marshmallow at the end of her nose.

Duffy noticed that Kate had been very quiet since they'd entered the cafe. "You ok mum?" She asked, leaning over.

Kate nodded and then sighed.

"Everything is fine. It was just a minor blip. Nothing to worry about." Duffy reassured her mum.

Kate nodded again, but still couldn’t help but worry. Duffy was her only daughter.

"Mother say something! Please."

“I’m just worried Lisa.”

"You don't need to worry. I'm not a little girl anymore."

“You’ll always be my little girl.” Kate replied.

Duffy rolled her eyes but couldn't help chuckling.

“You’ll say the same when your girls are older!”

"I'm sure I will." Duffy looked over at the counter. "Do you fancy sharing a biscuit with me?" She asked nervously.

“Sure why not?” Kate smiled.

Duffy returned to the table a few minutes later with a cookie. "The shortbread looked lovely but I couldn't resist this!" She blushed.

Her mum smiled. “You wanted the cookie instead?”

"Yeh." Duffy giggled. "Hope that's OK?"

“Of course it’s ok.”

Duffy broke the cookie in half and placed the two pieces back on the plate.

“Which half are you having?”

"I don't mind. You pick first."

Kate took the smaller of the two cookies.

[brokendevilwrites]

I'd love to read something from Broken Sundays where Clarke and Lexa see each other during one of their breaks. Thank you!

It’s been just under six months and Clarke has come to the illogical conclusion that even the air tastes different now that Lexa isn’t a main player in her  life anymore. She remembers talking to her friends about it at college, when it first happened, about how food just wasn’t as satisfying and sleep wasn’t as easy and they all made noises in the right places and would regurgitate lines about time healing all wounds and how she needs to go through each stage of grief and own it.

Which is all bullshit in her very valid opinion because time does heal all wounds and it doesn’t hurt like it used to but Lexa is no longers hers and, honestly, it’s the worst feeling in the world. Just because she doesn’t cry at night or physically long for Lexa’s touch like she did in those first few weeks doesn’t mean that she still doesn’t feel that loss, that pain.

On her worst days she remembers everything. She looks through pictures and images of a younger Lexa and her younger self smile back at her, shoulders and cheekbones fading from sun kissed and freckled all the way through to wrapped in layers and dusted with snow. There are presents that she reminds herself of, little gifts they’ve given one another, and they make her smile. It all makes her smile and and cry and laugh she wonders if she should do such a thing but then she stops and thinks and she knows that of course she should smile! Being with Lexa was the happiest time of her life and denying that, being sad about it, is almost a disservice to everything that they went through.

When they broke up it was easy. Clarke is very aware that, for some, those words don’t make sense but her and Lexa have never done anything the simple way. It was painful and scary and awful when they broke up, yes. But it was easy. Because it was through communication and understanding and mutual love for one another that it happened. And she knows, they both know, that it isn’t forever anyway.

It can’t be.

Clarke once vowed to herself that she would love Lexa forever the moment that the brunette kissed her with her caramel sweet tongue.

----

“It’s okay. The bedroom isn’t much to rave about but the kitchen is big and the backyard is awesome so I can’t complain,” her dad tells her when she asks about his new house and she keeps a smile on her face in an attempt to sound happy when she speaks to him.  The thought of her parents not living together hurts her a lot, especially when she knows she’s the main cause of their breakdown, and she tries not to dwell on it too much. “I think you’ll like it. You can help me pick out some things the next time you come home. I think it needs a real artists touch to make it pop.”

“One daughter complete with interior designs coming your way in the near future,” she laughs softly and she puts her hand over her eyes when he cheers down the phone, completely embarrassed by his antics despite being alone in her bedroom and with nobody in her shared house at all. “You’re so lame.”

“How dare you speak to such a cool and amazing dad like that?”

“Oh, I dare,” Clarke grins and it’s the widest she’s smiled in absolute months. She will always and forever thank the stars that fate twisted and turned and adjusted just enough that Jake Griffin was her father. “I’ll let you know closer to the date when I’ll be back but I already can’t wait to see you, dad.”

“I’ve missed you too, kid,” he says and Clarke can hear the wistful sigh in her voice. In her mind's eye she sees him in his brown leather chair, his feet kicked up in front of him as he rests a cup of coffee on his stomach. She can practically smell his aftershave, the laundry detergent he uses, she can feel the softness of pillows beneath her as she sits in the room with him and meets eyes that look so much like hers. “Will Lexa be coming back with you?”

“We broke up, dad. I told you.”

“I remember, I’m not that old just yet. I thought you said that you were still friends?”

“We are but it’s different,” Clarke replies and she feels herself becoming distant. Because she has really spoken to Lexa in weeks and she hasn’t seen her in a long, long time.

There was a time when Clarke could rattle off what Lexa was doing, right down to the very minute, but she struggles now to even remember what days her long classes are on. She wonders if there is another girl with this knowledge, if there is someone else who knows Lexa’s quirks and tastes and feelings.

There is nothing more in this world Clarke wants more than to know Lexa is happy but she squashes her thoughts of someone else rapidly because, oh.

That’s not something she can think about yet.

“I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could take away what you’re feeling.”

She smiles at that because her dad might be the most perfect person put onto this world. “I’m a lot better than I was,” she admits and she hears him let out a satisfied sigh at that.  “Dad, do you think that you could ever be friends with mom again?”

There’s a long pause on the other end of the phone and Clarke closes her eyes. Her parents were happy before and even if she has no regrets about coming out, about meeting Lexa and finding love, she knows it put an unbelievable amount of strain on her parents. When the separation came, Clarke cried for hours in Lexa’s arms. And it didn’t matter how often Lexa or her dad or Raven would tell her that her mother's actions had nothing to do with her; it didn’t matter.

Guilt built and built and built.

And the higher it grew, the stronger it became, and it chipped away at the walls her and Lexa had built their future in and it broke down her defence and before she knew what was happening she was alone.

Alone and rebuilding and sad.

“No, I suppose not in the traditional way,” he finally says and Clarke just nods because there isn’t much comfort she can give. Her dad has insisted too many times to count that she isn’t to blame, that it wasn’t her fault and that even adults fall out of like with one another before they fall out of love. But still, that means nothing when the family dynamic she knew so well growing up broke into pieces the moment she held a girls hand. “I just hoped Lexa would stick around for you, you know? I liked her.”

“So did I,” Clarke laughs but it’s wet and sad and she longs for walks along that river to ease the sadness. “I always knew you liked her more than me.”

“Oh Clarke, of course I liked her more than you,” Jake teases but there is nothing to it and they softly make their way into silence before they finally say goodbye to one another.

They didn’t just break up, Clarke thinks as she lays back on her bed and ignores how hard her heart is beating, they broke everything.

----

Of all the people she’s ever known in her life, she never expected Finn Collins to turn up and come stumbling in like a newborn foal on a rainy Friday night. When she left Arkadia to dive headfirst into life and college and her relationship with Lexa she had simply assumed she’d left the long-haired beautiful boy back in the small town. It’s not difficult for Clarke to remember how sweet he was back then, even if a little flawed, and memories of him asking her to be his girlfriend in a soft voice at a Christmas dance swirl in her mind a little as he stands in the little diner and looks at Clarke with awe and shock and envy.

His face when she broke up that Thursday night in Spring was that of a broken little boy but, as he stands from his booth, he’s a man and it makes Clarke proud to see how much he’s grown and filled out and changed. There’s a small boy in across the table from him and she’s curious but, instead, she makes her way over to him with a small laugh and her arms outstretched.

When he wraps her in a gentle embrace, it’s nice. His arms have filled out from what Clarke remembers and there’s a distinct brush of stubble against her temple as he pulls his body away from hers, his aftershave filling her senses and taking her back to her first true boyfriend.

“Trust us to move out of the smallest town ever to exist and explore the big bad world and still manage to find one another,” Finn laughs and he’s attractive and wonderful and a thought fills Clarke that she hopes he’s happy. He really deserves to be happy. “What are you doing here, Griffin?”

“Studying,” she says and she knows she should be working but Finn is the only customer currently and her boss is easy-going when it comes to Clarke, she knows that. “I came here for college. What about you?”

Finn watches her curious eyes and he swallows a little, his hand coming to the back of his neck. “So this is Rory,” he finally introduces and Clarke schools her face enough that it lets Finn continue, his posture relaxing some. “He’s my boy. He’ll be two in August.”

“You’re a dad?”

“Strange how life is, huh?”

Clarke laughs a little at that but there isn’t a judging bone in her body, not for this. Looking at little Rory even she can see he is happy and healthy and his tiny arms have little rolls on them that she wasn’t to squeeze and adore. Thin brown hair cover his head and his inquisitive brown eyes take her but he doesn’t speak, a shy smile breaking across his chubby cheeks instead.

“Two?”

“That summer after we graduated high school was intense,” he chuckles but there’s a sad look in his eyes that Clarke doesn’t want to deepen and she knows he’s probably had it rough, being so young and being a dad. “I’m lucky because Marie, his mom, is really good. She lets me see him as much as I want which is amazing.”

Clarke nods, supportive. “Does she live here in the city?”

“Oh, no, I’m just here to meet my mom,” he says and a dark look crosses his face. “She hasn’t really met him yet and she doesn’t want me taking him to Arkadia. You know how people talk. Marie lives here so I’m visiting.”

The sardonic tone isn’t lost on Clarke and she knows Finn is talking about people like her mom, she isn’t an idiot. It hurts to know the town is still the same, that nothing has changed, and she reaches out to put her hand on his arm. “At least I’m not the centre of attention anymore,” she tries and that makes Finn laugh, his own hand coming to brush through his hair, and he nods at her.

“You and Lexa did stir up quite the scandal,” he muses. Rory makes a frustrated noise and he turns his attention back to his son, sitting down to give him attention. “How is she? Are you both doing alright?”

“She’s fine, we’re doing good,” she says and her eyes widen at that, knowing how wrong it sounded, and she tries to correct herself but Finn looks at her with a wide smile before she can explain.

“I knew you two would make it,” he says and guilt drops in her stomach because they didn’t make it and she’s more aware of that than anyone. “Listen, can I give you my number? It’d be awesome to catch up properly. You can bring Lexa too if you want.”

She agrees and silently thanks the stars that some customers walk in, college students with unlimited stomachs and good tips, and she apologises before she moves away.

I knew you two would make it, feels more like a hammer to her chest than a complimentary sentence and she forgets to say goodbye to Finn as he leaves, so lost in her own thoughts.

----

Her faith has stayed as important to her now as it was then. She knows people question it, tell her how the LGBTQ community is looked down upon and hated by religion, but Clarke has always found solace in her beliefs.

St. Patrick’s Church welcomed her with open arms when she tentatively stepped in during her first year of college and have done nothing but support and love her since. Her sexuality doesn’t define her and she grew tired of being ‘Clarke Griffin, Bisexual’ a long time ago, instead wishing people would discuss her talents or her humor or her brain. Church gave her that relief and, as she sits in a pew and links her fingers, she’s glad she didn’t give it up like she wanted to all those years ago.

“Good evening, Clarke,” Father Michael says as he passes by her and Clarke smiles, comfortable that he knows who she is, and she sits back as he considers her for a few moments. “Seeking warmth from that awful chill?”

“Just needed the quiet to collect my thoughts,” she admits with a soft chuckle and even with the lights and the colourful pictures and kind face of her Pastor, she can still hear Finn’s words. “I knew you’d make it,” repeats in her mind and she wonders if everyone believed in them, wonders if they were the only two people who didn’t manage to see it through. “And it’s warm.”

He smiles at that, deep set wrinkles next to his mouth forming at her young words. “Can I help?”

“No,” she says and she isn’t avoiding the subject or the need to talk about it. This is just something she needs to work through alone. Between the conversation with her dad, and then with Finn, a once muted person has rammed back into her life on full volume and she wishes she knew how to handle it. Breaking up with Lexa was painful, she reminds herself, but remembering her seems to be worse.

He hums softly, a kind noise. “Your friend was in earlier,” he says to her and Clarke looks up, not surprised at all to know he’s talking about Lexa. It seems, to her at least, that everyone is talking about her recently. “She needed to clear her thoughts too, I think.”

“Was she okay?”

“Oh,” he sighs and he turns to look at her completely, his attention on her fully even as others walk into the Church and find a place amongst the seats to find peace too. “I’m sure she will be.”

Clarke knows he won’t divulge much more than that and she’s accepting of it, not wanting to pry into Lexa’s personal life with her faith more than she ever needs to. In that first year in college there was a struggle for Lexa between herself and her faith and Clarke remembers how she pulled away from the Church for a long time until one summer evening. A mild night where Lexa got ready with Clarke and they made their way to St. Patrick’s together.

“I miss her,” Clarke admits and Father Michael barely reacts beyond a knowing nod. “I don’t know how to stop missing her.”

“I believe sometimes we have to face loss to understand strength and to understand strength we need to look inside ourselves,” he says softly to her, weathered hands holding onto the wood in front of her and when she meets his eyes all she can see is understanding and kindness. Where was this faith when she was younger? “What does your heart tell you, Clarke?”

“That I miss her.”

He chuckles kindly at that and tilts his head. “Perhaps you should find your peace of mind not here but with her, don’t you think?”

Her eyes widen at that and when she leaves, an hour later and without any real answers, Father Michael simply smiles at her with soft eyes and understanding.

She knows he’s a rare case, that not everyone is as kind and as open as he is, but she hopes the world will learn one day just how easy it is to say yes to love like Father Michael has managed to do.

----

“Careful,” Harper laughs as she walks past Clarke, her tray full of empty milkshake glasses and plates, “I’m slightly worried for my safety with the force of that yawn you just let out.”

Clarke smirks at that and rolls her eyes as the girl brushes into the kitchen area, disposing of the soiled utensils, and Clarke gives herself a little shake as she reminds herself she only has a few hours left at work. She’d stayed up late the night before on an essay that wasn’t due for weeks but she wanted to get it out of the way, mostly so she could spend more time with friends at the weekend and earning some money to go home.

“What time are you working until?” Harper asks as she comes back out. She’s wiping her hands on a towel as she speaks and Clarke groans, her eyes on the black clock above the door that ticks slowly towards her finishing time. “That bad?”

“Seven,” Clarke replies but it still feels like forever away as the time creeps slowly towards five o’clock. It feels like she’s been here all day but there’s a part of her that isn’t too bothered; working keeps her mind busy and the busier her mind is then the less it has time to think about exes and rivers and trees the perfect shade of green.

Harper sympathises softly but then a rowdy group of guys walk in, jeering and catcalling and falling over one another, and for the next hour Clarke doesn’t really think about anything.

----

And of course it happens.

Because it’s Sunday.

Of course it happens.

----

Lexa sees her but she pretends not to and Clarke doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not. She watches as the brunette distracts herself by tidying away her menu but, in turn, all she manages to do is knock her napkins and cutlery from the table with a clatter loud enough to make the boys at the long table cheer.

There’s a deep blush on her cheeks as Clarke makes her way over and it’s so deliciously attractive that, for a moment, Clarke forgets she’s at work and has an urge to wrap her fingers around Lexa’s wrist and run, run, run away from prying eyes and fluorescent lighting and jukebox music that doesn’t fit the moment.

“You’ve cut your hair,” is the first thing Lexa says to her in six months and it’s oh so Lexa that Clarke can do nothing, absolutely nothing, but laugh. She was going to be good, she was going to take her order and act like Lexa was another customer but her eyes are green and her lips are soft and Clarke is doomed.

She’s always been doomed.

“Do you like it?”

Lexa blushes again, long fingers tapping on the table, and she nods. “I think you’re aware that I like anything when it comes to you,” she says--no breathes--and just like that, just that suddenly, Clarke feels peace and serenity and glee wash over her in waves and waves and waves. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to --”

“Thank you,” Clarke interrupts. She knows what Lexa is like, she knows she’ll fumble and apologise and pretend like she didn’t mean the honest words she spoke and Clarke doesn’t want that. She’s always been most in love with this candid Lexa; the Lexa that shared cider with her and laughed deeply and held her hand in public. “You look good too, Lexa.”

There’s a moment where things go quiet and if it wasn’t for the rosy pink on Lexa’s cheeks, the swell of her smile and the bright shine in her eyes Clarke would think she’s just said something wrong. But she knows she hasn't. She knows the brief compliment is blooming inside Lexa’s chest, stretching and growing and flowering into a feeling neither of them have forgotten. She watches as Lexa’s jaw flexes a few times, her throat bobbing under words she can’t place right now, and she stands.

Patient.

If she thinks hard enough she can feel the breeze from the river, can hear the clacking of stones breaking over one another, the shuffle of animals as they dance through trees and long grass and flowers.

She can smell perfume and hot cocoa and taste strawberries and caramel and apples.

If she tries hard enough and closes her eyes tightly then  she can pretend it’s just her and Lexa and the world begins to spin again.

“When do you finish?”

Lexa’s voice startles her, calm and relaxed and without the shake her own reply has. “An hour, and then I don’t really have much else to do.”

“Hm,” she acknowledges and she taps at the table again, nervous and unsure and beautiful. “I’ll have a black coffee then, please. Take your time. I’m in no rush.”

Clarke grins, able to read Lexa’s words better than anything written by any author in history. She ignores Harper’s questioning glare and the tut she hears from another table for waiting so long and makes her way to get a singular black coffee, two sugars, and hopes Sunday’s go back to being everything for her.

----

With Spring rising, the light of the evening is pale and romantic and the streets are mild enough to walk with a small jacket. The sidewalks paint themselves with pale yellows and reds and greys as the sun dips behind buildings ready to bring the day to an end. Lexa walks next to her, her left hand occasionally brushing Clarke’s right, and it shouldn’t be so easy to fall back into such rhythm with a girl who bundled up her heart and carried it away with one last embrace.

“Did you know Finn was in the city?” Clarke starts and it’s so awkward how Finn manages to be the topic of conversation for her that her fingers flex tightly at her sides. Finn was always the boy that kissed Clarke first, who touched Clarke first, but Lexa seems to ignore all of that and makes a noise of genuine interest at the subject. “He has a son?”

“I’m sure his mother loves that,” Lexa says and Clarke feels pride grow in her when her tone holds nothing but concern and kindness. She thinks back to Anya and Aden and the things people would say about them, the beliefs they held, and she purses her lips together as Lexa presses forward. “He’s our age, right? That must be hard.”

Clarke nods, awe in her eyes at the mature girl in front of her and she doesn’t know why she’s so surprised. Six months is an intake of breath in the long life she knows her and Lexa have together but she can’t deny how much she’s missed, perhaps forgotten. “He seems to be okay. He said the mother is really good with him and he looks genuinely happy. It was nice to see.”

“I’m glad.”

“He said he knew we’d always make it,” she blurts out and she wishes she knew why she said it because the heavy feeling drops in her stomach again. If Lexa is surprised by the subject change she doesn’t let on but the spark in her eyes dulls a little and she drops her head, eyes focusing on her steps instead of glancing over at Clarke. “I would have corrected him but I so wanted it to be true that I think I forgot.”

“We’ve made it out of that town, so he isn’t entirely wrong,” Lexa muses and there’s a wistful sigh to her voice, a beautiful tone that aches deep inside of Clarke. Everything inside of her screams at her to soothe Lexa, to hold her hand and assure her that it’s okay, but she shoves her hands inside the denim of her jacket instead and nods. “We’re studying subjects we love, have hobbies we enjoy. In one way we have made it.”

“Except for our relationship,” Clarke says, because one of them had to.

“Except for our relationship,” Lexa concedes and suddenly stops walking, her body several steps behind Clarke for a few seconds until the blonde notices, and when she turns Lexa is looking at her with such determination that her body trembles. “You know, I don’t plan on this break lasting forever Clarke. There is no scenario I can imagine in which I spend any single second of my life not loving you. You understand that, don’t you?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Absolutely not,” Lexa teases and Clarke hasn’t heard a more perfect reply in her life.

---

Clarke’s apartment block appears a lot sooner than either of them would have liked. The high archway and brown doorway looms from the sidewalk and Lexa looks at it for long moments, her eyes filling with memories. Clarke can see them running up the steps during a rainstorm, their hair soaked and droplets falling from their lips as they kissed and kissed and kissed. How they sat there studying, a thermos of hot chocolate between them, and Clarke laughing with Lexa’s roving commentary as people walked past.

She wonders what they would have looked like back then, two girls completely enamoured with each other, lips and skin and hearts painted with kisses from the other.

She wonders if people were envious of them, of the love they shared, of their lives.

She finds herself envious of her own past, even as she stands at the bottom of the stoop with the girl of her dreams in the city that managed to shape every single aspect of her life.

“My dad has a new house,” Clarke says softly, desperate to keep the conversation moving. “He finally moved out of that awful apartment and he wants me to go back and help decorate.”

“I know,” Lexa smirks and Clarke’s eyes widen enough that she rushes to explain, her hand lifting to push hair back over her own ear in a nervous gesture. “We talk sometimes. Jake and I.”

Clarke rolls her eyes because of course they do, of course her dad would be too kind to let the girl his daughter fell in love with suffer a breakup alone. “I should have known you two would team up behind my back.”

“Don’t tell Anya. I think she still harbours a crush on your dad, you know?”

“Shut up,” Clarke giggles and she reaches her hand out to slap at Lexa’s forearm. It takes less than a second for Lexa to capture her hand, to hold it against her arm with a soft smile, and her thumb runs over Clarke’s knuckles with a confidence that neither of them have felt in months and months and months. “I’ve missed you so much, Lexa.”

For the first time since they started talking Clarke sees tears line green eyes; they build from the bottom, black eyeliner running only just, and her heart clenches. Because they’re beautiful and tragic and so in love it hurts. “If you only knew how empty I’ve been without you, you’d understand how much I’ve missed you too,” she says and Lexa has always had a way with words, a way to make something so simple a masterpiece, and she runs her hand down Lexa’s forearm to link their fingers together.

“When we broke up you told me that you needed to understand yourself, have you found answers?”

Lexa shakes her head slowly, her feet shifting ever closer to Clarke’s, and she sniffs softly. “I’m not going to stand here and lie and say breaking up with you was wrong and I know I can say that because I know you agree,” she starts and Clarke can do nothing but nod.

Two years she spent with Lexa and she slowly went from being Clarke Griffin, to being Clarke and Lexa, to being Lexa’s girlfriend. And she knows that wasn’t ever Lexa’s intentions or plan and it certainly wasn’t hers for Lexa either; they lost their sense of identity, so wrapped up in one another, and while she lost her heart on that autumn evening she began to find herself again.

“I know who I am with you and I know who I am without you, and I can honestly say that who I am without you is only half a person,” Lexa continues and she smiles softly at the girl in front of her. “Truth is I’m miserable without you and I’ve learnt to be without you. I don’t know if you need more time and if you do then that’s okay, but you’re my inevitability Clarke. You’re as inevitable as Sunday’s appearing each week. I hope you know that.”

Clarke nods, gentle and slow and her heart beats loudly in her chest. “You’ve always been inevitable to me,” she says and watches Lexa swallow thickly, an emotion filling her eyes that almost overcomes them both. “Do you want to come inside? It’s warmer.”

“Are you trying to proposition me, Clarke Griffin?”

“If I was you’d already be inside,” she fires back and revels in the laughter she receives, the pure happiness. There’s a light in Lexa’s eyes that only appears with her and it grounds Clarke while simultaneously making her believe she can fly. But Lexa has always done that to her, always made her feel incredible and special and like she’s everything. One smile and she’s done. One little smile and she sees her future.  “Come inside, Lexa.”

Lexa nods, already tugging a little at Clarke’s hand. “It’s Sunday, isn’t it? There isn’t anywhere else in the world I’d rather be.”

[faeriesareforreal]

That's Her Girl

The door to the evidence lockup swung open, revealing an anxious Rosa. "Jake, I need to talk to you about something before Gina gets here… what are you doing?"

Jake stopped disassembling the confetti cannons and turned to face the confused Rosa, wiping non-existent sweat from his brow in a vain attempt at looking tough. "Well, I was preparing for Gina and her baby's big entrance, but Terry says you can't shoot confetti at an infant. What kind of rule is that?" He shrugged. "I'm guessing I'm gonna have to get rid of the sparklers, too, huh?"

"Probably," Rosa agreed. "Look, Jake, you had such great advice when it came to my parents…"

"Well, yeah," Jake agreed, adopting a dramatic tone. "I guess when you speak from the heart… dammit, I got confetti in my Lucky Charms."

"Jake," Rosa began again, unamused. "I still haven't told Gina that I'm bi."

"Really? That's what's got you worried?" he asked in disbelief. "It's Gina, she'll be totally cool with it."

"Are you sure?" Rosa narrowed her eyes. "I mean, I'm not saying she won't accept it, but… you know, sometimes people don't like change."

"You haven't changed," Jake reminded her. "You're the same as you've always been. Gina will get that. Besides, she's got a baby now. She's got more important things to worry about."

"Guess so," Rosa agreed hesitantly. "Thanks, man." She turned to walk out.

"Hey, Rosa?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I aciddentally superglued my hands together."

"What the hell were you using-"

"She's here, she's here!" Boyle squealed, practically skipping around the room. "I've missed my sister so much!"

"Is everybody ready?" Amy asked. "Hitchcock, where's Scully?"

"In the bathroom checking out the weird pimple on his butt. He says if he's not out in ten minutes, he needs one of us to go in and pop it for him," Hitchcock answered calmly.

"Nose goes," Jake announced, frantically slamming his index finger against his nose.

"Nobody's gonna be popping Scully's ass zit," Terry informed the group loudly, glaring at Hitchcock.

"Okay, okay, focus, people, focus!" Amy snapped. "It's just like we rehearsed. When the captain gives us the word that Gina is in the elevator…"

Ding.

The elevator opened, revealing Gina in all her usual splendor, her baby girl balanced on her hip. "Greetings, peasants," she announced, boldly strutting out. If it wasn't for the drooling infant, it would have seemed as if nothing had changed. "I have arrived in order to bless you both with my presence and that of my spawn."

"I apologize for not signaling, Santiago." Captain Holt emerged from behind Gina. "But Peralta changed the code word so many times I'm afraid I lost count."

"Sorry, Babe," Jake muttered, watching his irritated fiancée with wide, guilty eyes.

"It's great to see you, Gina," Terry cut in, making his way over to the woman and her child. "You look great."

Gina chuckled. "As do you, Terrence, as do you." She turned to address the crowd once more. "I know my maternal glow may frighten some, but don't be afraid. Come, cradle my child if you wish, but please wash your hands if you're going to touch her." She protectively hugged her child closer. "And Hitchcock, you and Scully are required to stay at least ten feet away at all times."

"Can I hold her?"

The question shocked everyone in the room into silence, all except for a giggling baby girl who was reaching out towards the cuff of the expectant detective's leather jacket.

"Oh, of course," Gina replied after a moment, tenderly passing the baby into Rosa's arms. "Now, make sure you keep her head elevated- yeah, just like that." Gina smirked down at the little girl's round face. "She loves her Auntie Rosa, doesn't she?"

Rosa smiled as she became more comfortable with the action. "Huh. This is what you've been missing out on work to do?"

Gina sighed. "Well, there's something she does that reminds me a whole lot of this precinct."

"What's that?" Rosa asked, genuinely curious, before wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Gross." She held the baby out in front of her right as it began to bawl.

Gina took her back. "Yep, her little poops smell just like Scully's feet," she announced. "I've been trying to train her to warn me by chanting ancient witches' spells right before she takes a dump, but she hasn't really caught on." She patted her daughter's back, trying to soothe her. "Captain, can we discuss what happens when I get back in, say, five minutes? I need to change this one's diaper." She didn't wait for Holt's approval before casting her gaze to Amy. "Hey, Ames, you wanna come give me a hand?"

Amy smiled sweetly and placed a hand over her heart, truly touched. "You want my help with your baby?" she asked earnestly.

"Yeah, I think I forgot a diaper, and that jacket looks close enough to one."

"Well, Gina, we're pleased to see you in good health," Captain Holt began, sitting across from his secretary at his desk.

"Very conversational of you, Captain," Gina noted. "Has Jake been teaching you small talk while I've been gone?"

"Yes, much to my dismay," he answered. "But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask a few more questions."

"Ask away, for I am a fountain of knowledge," Gina said with a flourish of her hand. The baby made a farting noise.

"How's this small human's father, who, if I recall correctly, is also a cousin of Boyle's?" The captain inquired, eyebrows raised.

"We actually split up," Gina informed him, waving it off. "We weren't in sync."

"I see," he responded, puzzled. "And he's still involved with the child?"

"Yes," Gina answered. "We simply won't be producing any more offspring. It's probably for the best, too. Any more and they might try to assassinate her as the one true heir." She hugged her baby protectively, as if this was a very real and dangerous threat.

"I see," Holt repeated, unable to read Gina's expression.

There was a knock on the door before Charles cracked it open. "Captain, Scully's trapped in the toilet again. Sarge says he can't get him out. Should we call plumbing?"

Holt sighed, rubbing his temples in exasperation. "Excuse me," he told Gina, standing up and walking briskly out into the bullpen. "Peralta, put the power drill down!"

Boyle' feet stayed planted just inside the office, though. "I don't mean to pry," he began, tone suggesting that he very much meant to pry. "But I heard you split up with Milton. How're you holding up?"

"None of your business, Charles."

"It's very much my business. You're my sister and he's both my cousin and the father of your child."

Gina groaned. "You have got to stop saying stuff like that, Boyle," she chided.

"Answer the question," he pressed.

"I'm fine," Gina answered, waving him off. "Better than fine, actually. I have brought into this world a child free of the constraints of a patriarchy ridden society."

"Oh," Boyle exclaimed softly. "Cool." He looked out the window into the bullpen, looking directly at Rosa's desk. "So, did Rosa tell you?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows.

"That she broke up with Pimento?" Gina inquired. "Oh, I saw that coming way before it happened. They were like a flame: the burned bright while they lasted, but eventually they burned out."

"Okay…" Boyle frowned. "Not what I meant, though. You know, how she came out as bi?"

Gina smiled knowingly. "Yeah, I figured."

"Really?"

She waved vaguely. "There were… signs."

"Really?" Boyle repeated, still confused.

"Well, only a trained eye such as mine could pick up on them," she explained mysteriously.

Boyle grinned. "Is she gonna introduce you guys?" he asked in excitement.

"What are you talking about?"

From behind Boyle, Gina caught of a beautiful woman marching through the bullpen, past a group of uniformed officers, right up to Rosa's desk, and…

"Oh." Finals voice was so soft it was almost inaudible. Her lips remained parted as she stared in shock at the gorgeous woman who was kissing Rosa in front of everyone, not giving a damn who was watching.

"Yeah," Boyle said, awkwardly shoving his hands in his pockets. "They do that a lot."

Gina cleared her throat. "Charles, it's been a while since I fed her," she informed him, hoisting her baby up. "Mind giving me some privacy?"

"Oh, of course! Hey, how's the breastfeeding been going? Does it hurt? Genevieve and I have all these great, informative books from back when we were trying to inseminate-"

Gina groaned loudly. "How is it that you're making the miracle of life repulsive?" She questioned incredulously. "Get out!"

He obliged, scurrying away, shouting something about a plunger and and Scully's buttocks as he went, leaving Gina to state out into the bullpen.

Gina placed her daughter on Holt's desk, one hand on her back to steady her. She grabbed the pride flag from Holt's pencil cup and began chewing on the end, but Gina was too preoccupied to care.

She'd run out of chances. She had a baby now, and Rosa, finally comfortable in her identity, had found a beautiful girlfriend… they both had very different needs in life right now. And Gina was happy for her. She wanted everything to go perfectly for Rosa Diaz, to never see her go through another heartbreak again. And yet…

"Hey," she whispered, taking her daughter's hand. "You see her? You see your Auntie Rosa?" She pointed the baby's chubby finger at the incredible, brave detective. "That's the love of my life. It took me way too long to realize it, but… that's my girl."

The baby couldn't possibly have understood what her mother had just said, but she turned to look at the other woman, now leaning against Rosa's desk and speaking softly. Whatever she was saying, it was lighting Rosa's face up. Gina used to be the one that did that. "And that… that's her girl."

[danithebookaholic-blog]

NEW RELEASE!

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Apple of My Eye

By Christine Barfknecht

Publication Date: August 4, 2018   Genre: Psychological Suspense

Synopsis:

Laurie Brandon isn’t crazy. It’s a bout of panic that has her muttering indecipherable sounds and crying out like a mad woman, an attack brought on by her infant daughter’s sudden disappearance from the town’s annual Apple Festival. Not insanity. She needs help to save Emily. Someone has to see that, do something. 

But her recent history of psychosis coupled with witness claims that Emily was never at the festival with Laurie isn’t helping her credibility. Neither is recent suspension from her job as a school teacher over stability concerns. Perhaps most damaging, though, is Laurie’s insistence that her ex-husband, Jake, had something to do with the child’s disappearance. Any sane person knows a dead man can’t run off with a baby. 

The town sheriff believes Laurie is, at best, unreliable and possibly something much worse. But Laurie knows what she saw. She knows other things, too, details too hard to believe and even harder to accept. Now, she needs to convince someone – anyone – that Emily is in danger before the sheriff locks Laurie away permanently.

Goodreads

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Excerpt:

Chapter One

Laurie

September 18, 2018

I’m not crazy. I know what I saw.

With a wave of dizziness, I hunch forward, my head hanging low, my palms pressing against a cool, hard surface. The evening sky blackens before my eyes and the chill in the air raises goosebumps on my arms despite my fleece lined sweatshirt. I can’t think straight, can barely breathe. 

The silhouette in the darkness…that posture, poised to take action…

I didn’t need to see a face. I’d know that stance anywhere. But it isn’t possible.

I chew on my lip, try to gnaw the panic away. It has to be possible. I saw with my own eyes.

I can’t just stand here and wait, need to do something, find help. No one will believe me, though. It’s hard enough for me to believe me. It won’t help that everyone seems to think I’m out of my mind.

A tingling sensation shoots through my head like a strike of lightning and heat spreads through my body, starting in my head and washing through my chest. My heart beats so fast I fear it will burst. I remind myself to breathe. It’s just a panic attack. I’ve had plenty before and right now, it’s no wonder. Soon it will be over. I’ll be back to normal, get help, make someone believe me. Someone will help. They have to.

Breathe in, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three.

A fog settles in my head, sprinkling over my mind like chalk dust. I find myself gasping, my heart racing faster and harder. This symptom is new. I blink, trying to focus on the brick surface of the street but it’s a blur. The dust is growing thicker, an eraser materializing, brushing over my mind and randomly choosing which memories to wipe away.

Not my memory. I must remember. 

My palms slide farther over the surface of…a table, counter…I’m not sure, but it’s rough like a sheet of unfinished wood. I lean hunched over it, struggling to breathe as I peer beneath my arm to look behind me.

Emily. My sweet baby girl.

She sits in her stroller, kicking her feet and cooing at the plush doll in her chubby fist. Cold flushes her cheeks pink, but the fleece bonnet tied beneath her chin keeps her head warm.

She’s here. She’s safe. I think. I’m not entirely sure. The fog is getting thicker, her image waving in and out as if it may not be real. I have no way of knowing. In this state, I can’t trust my eyes.

Maybe I can’t trust what I saw before either.

No. That was different. Not panic induced. Real.

A high-pitched shrill slices my skull, piercing my eardrums before fading to a crackle. Light flashes, then dozens of white stars appear.

“Laurie?” A voice slices through the static. 

I force myself to stand up straight and blink. Lights swim before a backdrop of blackness and voices echo around me. Screaming. But in a happy way. The scent of grease lingers in the air, mingling with a sweet and spicy smell, like sugared cinnamon.

The lights twirl and I blink again. A Tilt-a-Whirl spins, masses of people passing in front of it. My eyes are drawn to one man, not because I know him but because he looks like a marionette, his arms outstretched, pulled by strings. My gaze follows the threads to four little dogs, Teacup Pomeranians, the kind Jake would never let me have.

“Ankle biters. Useless yippers.” I hear the rage in his voice, the unwarranted anger I’d become accustomed to. “Food for real dogs, that’s what they are.” That’s my translation, the clean version with every other word removed. 

“Laurie, are you okay?” That voice again, soft and feminine, though drowning in background music.

I bring my vision in, notice a woman standing on the opposite side of a counter before me. I know her, Rochelle, a good friend of my mother’s. Two pies sit on the counter between us and she holds a wad of bills in her hand. A cool breeze brushes my skin, whisking the aroma of the pies toward me. Apple.

A memory washes over me, replacing Rochelle’s current image with one of her in my mother’s kitchen from many years ago. I see Rochelle pressing dough into pie tins, hear my mother counting with me as I measure sugar and sprinkle it over a huge bowl of sliced apples. “One…two…”

I’m five years old and wearing my favorite apron. Mom made it for me, complete with an embroidered apple on the chest. In front of me mom’s apple shaped clock ticks on the wall. Except for Christmas it’s my favorite time of year, being with mom in the kitchen and baking pies for the festival.

I blink, focus on Rochelle. Present day Rochelle. I remember. The Apple Festival. I’m in a booth selling pies to support the school. I brought Emily. My friend, Josie, came too. I look beside me, but Josie isn’t there. She must have stepped away.

Rochelle is still staring at me, her eyes wrinkled with concern. I force a smile and straighten my back, pulling myself off the countertop. “I’m fine,” I tell her. “Just getting a migraine.” I can’t tell her the truth. Everything I love is already in jeopardy; Emily, my job. Thanks to Jake, rumors of my supposed insanity spread over town as quickly as softened butter over a slice of bread.

I’m fine. I am. Postpartum psychosis, the doctor called it. My-wife’s-an-effing-nut-case, Jake called it.

Ex-wife. Almost. He forgets that part.

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As I blink my thoughts away and hone in on Rochelle, I can’t help wondering what she thinks of me. Does she believe I have a migraine or is she waiting for the right moment to make an emergency call to the mental hospital?

“You scared me for a minute there,” Rochelle says, handing me the bills in her hand. “Keep the change. For the school.”

I force another smile and take the bills from her, my hands trembling with the aftereffects of my attack. I’m still trying to get my bearings, breathe in and out, slow the hammering of my heart.

Rochelle hoists her purse on her shoulder, a huge tan bag that causes my shoulder to ache just looking at it. “You sure you’re all right?”

I nod and force my mind to focus. My name is Laurie Brandon. I’m a second grade teacher. I’m in Jackson, Ohio at the Apple Festival. My hometown. I glance at the surface of the street where the booth sits, the brick street confirming my location. A few blocks away, lights illuminate the water tower hovering over the town, painted red to resemble an apple and embellished in a green leaf with a pipe protruding from the top as the stem.

I live on Mountain Valley Road. My parents are Gary and Paula Barreau. Emily is nine months old.

My heart rate slows and my body relaxes, the routine stabilizing me. I take a deep, long breath. I’m okay. Everything is fine. I’ll call the doctor in the morning. The medication she gave me has been working well. It’s just the extreme stress, my psychopath-almost-ex-husband worsening my psychosis, if that makes sense.

I remember. There’s more. I let out a gasp.

“I can tend the booth for you if you want to head home to lie down,” Rochelle offers.

I don’t hear Emily behind me. It shouldn’t surprise me. I can barely hear Rochelle over the crooning country band a block down the street. Still, I spin on my heels to check on my daughter.

She isn’t there.

My eyes shoot left to right so fast the plywood walls of the booth seem to flail. Emily… She was there just a moment ago in her stroller, wasn’t she? I saw her. I looked behind me, under my arm… I thought she was there.

My heart races again, my stomach turns, fog swirls in my brain. I can’t help questioning myself, replaying the day through my mind to make certain I brought Emily with me. I picture Josie in the booth and Emily right behind us in her stroller, just like I saw her earlier.

It was today, wasn’t it? My breathing grows faster, intensifying the dizziness. I’m not sure. The fog needs more time to clear. I force a deep breath. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three.

“Laurie?” Rochelle’s voice jumbles with my thoughts.

I just need a moment to get through this and then everything will make sense. Maybe I’m remembering another day. It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened.

In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three.

But I spot something on the street. I lean in, force myself to study it, make sure of what I see.

There is no mistaking; it’s Emily’s soft pink doll. If she wasn’t here, where did the doll come from?

The next scream I hear rolling over the crowd is my own.

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Author Bio:

Christine Barfknecht has a passion for weaving the darkest bits of the human psyche into page-turning fiction. She’s been crafting stories since before she printed her first word and credits her overactive imagination to a lifelong love of reading. She seeks out books that keep her hiding beneath the covers at night or turning pages long after her eyes begin to cross, and strives for those qualities in her own writing. 

Christine lives in rural Wisconsin with her husband, children, and pets where she is also a virtual bookkeeping entrepreneur. In addition to reading and writing, she enjoys gardening, crafts, time with family, and traveling. APPLE OF MY EYE is her debut novel.

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From one bookaholic to another, I hope I’ve helped you find your next fix. —Dani

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