#jaehyun bulleted au

[anashins]

King of the Streets

Pairing: street racer!Jaehyun x journalist!reader

Genre: street racing au, action, drama, romance, slow burn, smut

Word Count: 28k (I just can't write short stories, I'm sorry)

Summary: The moment you find yourself hiding in the backseat of a sports car that's illegally racing through the city, you just know this story will finally catapult you to the top of your journalism career. But there are a few things you haven't reckoned: How personal this story will eventually turn - and the driver's sheer insatiable craving for lollipops. And for you.

A/N: I started this after Jaehyun admitted he would have liked to become an F1 racer if the idol-path wouldn't have worked out for him. I spiraled and this is the outcome - I hope you have fun reading it as much as I had writing it!

“It’s been three years since I’ve started working here, and-”

“Unfortunately, this doesn’t matter, miss.”

For an entire week, you had prepared yourself for this meeting with your editor-in-chief. You had written down all your achievements from when you were an intern to your current position. 

And he had the nerve to tell you it all didn’t matter?

It had been three very long years with too many nights spent in the office to meet a deadline you were not responsible for, trips all across the country on your own account for stories that hadn’t even made it into the magazine, and work meetings where no one had bothered listening to your ideas and input.

After all the hard work and sleepless hours you had poured into your dedicated passion, it was unfathomable to you how he didn’t even bother bringing up the slightest interest in what you had to say, and it showed all over face in the form of widened eyes and slightly parted lips.

“Others have started prior to you and they’re in the exact same position,” your chief editor said, swaying in his chair. The city’s skyline spread behind him like a painting as the sun was setting, and more than once had you already imagined yourself in that spot. “What makes you think you’re better than any of them?”

An imaginary note popped up in your head. You got this, you were prepared for this. “I’m one of the firsts to go and one of the last to leave, I wrote the most clicked article on our website - to this day. I offer input to everyone who hasn’t got something going on, my personal and professional network that I’ve built throughout the past years is wide and strong. I’m the first one to take on suggested topics, the number of articles I publish per month is the highest out of all editors, I’m always up-to-date, I live for this job.”

The middle-aged man leaned forward and propped his elbows against the glass table, inspecting you thoroughly while you were bracing yourself to elaborate every bullet point. But he only said, 

“No, I don’t think so.”

You were flabbergasted. “Pardon me?”

“I don’t think you actually live for this job,” he explained calmly. “For that, it takes more than research and cranking out as many articles as possible just because your writing is good. It is, trust me, but the stories lack emotion and graspable actions. Right now, you’re only sitting in front of the computer, writing from your imagination. You don’t live the stories, you’re not in them.”

“I take trips across the country to attend events, I participate in every press conference possible, I-”

Again, he interrupted you, “Hara got in contact with a designer and walked for his show as an amateur model. Dal went to the rooftop of the highest building in this city and took pictures that even made it into television.”

“But that is illegal,” you commented. “Hara smuggled herself in when one of the models fell sick and Dal nearly got caught by the police.”

“And we would’ve bailed for all of them.” He sighed deeply as if annoyed by repeating himself. “See, this is what I’m trying to say, miss. The writing that you’re delivering is clean and conformable to law. When I read your articles, I’m well informed, but nothing sticks in my head. We’re a magazine, not a newspaper. Nobody wants to read about the opening of a new restaurant when they can read about things they will never be able to experience themselves. You have to dive in the story, be in the story to make people believe they’re in them too when they read it.”

You were quite taken aback as you noticed he remained polite when all he wanted to say was, “So, my stories are too boring, not sensational.”

The editor-in-chief let out another long sigh and fell back into his chair. “You have a trademark, but you have to get out of your secure shell to actually go somewhere, otherwise you’re going to get stuck.”

You were a goody two-shoes was what he tried to tell you. You were on the top when it was about writing, grammar and quantity, but your stories didn’t attract anyone’s interest, and if that wasn’t the case, then you could write as many perfect articles as you wanted - you would never get a higher position.

You inhaled deeply. “So, what do you suggest I’d do?”

His answer was clear, “Look for a story that will change lives. Write a story that will leave people breathless, and you’re getting the position of a senior editor. Because miss, you’re one of the most capable journalists here, but you don’t only need to be capable, you need to be a storyteller. If you can do this, propose the topic to me next week. If it’s what I expected, it will make headlines in the next issue and secure your new position.”

If only it were so easy.

____

You were sitting in the fast food restaurant with your notebook opened in front of you. Every single page was blank even though you had been there for several hours already, the ballpen in your hand having barely moved ever since.

“Do you want to order something else?”

“I’m good, thank you.”

You could only imagine the eyeroll the waitress let out when she turned away from you after not getting another order for two hours. But you were already short of cash this month and wouldn’t get paid for another week. 

Another reason why you needed the senior position: as a regular editor, you could barely get by. Why were journalists underpaid anyway when they were the source of daily news and this connected the world? You had never understood.

Many ideas had flown into your head, from working a day in a job that was notorious to interviewing an infamous inmate, but none of these were exciting or extraordinary enough like it was expected of you. The topics that you came up with didn’t immediately peak interest when you researched about what your fellow editors had ever written about. And what you found left you nearly speechless and doubting yourself.

Yes, you had always been tame, reserved, a goody two-shoes. That was why your mind was also not expanding to the way it was expected of reporters. Perhaps, you were not made for this job as you could also not quite learn how to do it right. 

Should you perhaps change to newspapers after all? But the open positions were always so rare and you had wanted to start at your current magazine because it was the most famous in the country…

“Where are you going after this?”

“I’m going to watch the race, Falcon against Antelope!”

“They’re set for tonight? I didn’t know!”

“Pscht, not so loud!”

Since you already lost focus and let other people’s voices into your mind, you could also pack your things and go home. You were already so done for the day.

“Can I come with you? It’s been so long since the last time I went.”

“Sure. They’ll start at midnight, so we have to hurry.”

You zipped up your handbag and threw a few bills on the table, already with one arm up the sleeve of your jacket when you perked up your ears.

“Falcon will make a comeback, so tonight there will be a lot of cash flowing!”

“Wow!”

You cleared up your throat and walked up to the two young women on the nearby table whose conversation you had been partially involuntarily listening to for the last minute. Despite your attention only shifting to them much later, you got the gist of the entire story. 

It was about illegal street racing, you had read an article about it a few months ago in which the alias Falcon had also been mentioned along with another animal that you had forgotten. 

The Falcon was only stuck in your mind, because there had been an accident caused by him, and ever since then, the police were paying even more attention to these kinds of illegal activities. The fact that there would be a race tonight must be a well hidden secret. 

“Excuse me, I overheard you’re also going to watch the race?” you feigned knowledge and quickly made up a story that would get them to talk. “Can you tell me where exactly they’ll start? I was going to meet my friend here who’s got all the info, but she’s not arrived yet and I’m afraid I’m gonna be late.”

They looked at you in wonder, then in amazement. One of them, apparently the better informed one, then nodded eagerly before describing the exact spot to you. “I guess it’s going to be quite full since it’s the first one with Falcon since the… incident. So everyone wants to see him. They’ll start at the industrial park at midnight.”

You nodded. “Thank you. Maybe we’ll see each other there.” You waited a bit until they had left the restaurant and then pondered whether to join or not. 

There had already been many articles written about the Falcon and street racing in common, but since the most controversial racer would make a comeback, this race would be a special one, perhaps even kept secret to a point where no other media outlet knew about it. There was a slim chance that you were going to be the only reporter, so regardless of your current struggles, you had to take this opportunity.

Yes, an article about the Falcon’s comeback was good, but that was by far not enough for the story of your lifetime. It was better than nothing though, a beginning. And who knew what could come out of it. 

As a journalist, you had learned that you were better off going and had something expected to write about rather than not going and missing on unexpected happenings.

So you headed to the industrial park.

____

When you arrived at the destination, you spotted a crowd that had formed in a wide, clear space between two buildings. There were about fifty spectators that had gathered, divided into different groups of various sizes, lights coming from the street lamps all around the place. 

Through the gaps between the cliques that all seemed too engaged with each other to notice how lost you were, you discovered a group of men that marked themselves off everyone else.

It wasn’t particularly the way they were dressed as they all wore black leather, but rather the presence they radiated. But you couldn’t deny the fact that all of them were equally overly handsome, just in a way you wouldn’t be drawn to. You weren’t intimidated, you were scared to the bones, and you immediately wanted to turn on your heels and run right back home.

You weren’t much informed about the topic of illegal street racing aside from the few articles you had read. You only knew that it was one of the most dangerous underground activities that had cost a few lives already, of drivers and passerbyers almost equally. It was macabre that articles like these gained the most attention, clicks and sales.

Although you weren’t quite passionate about this kind of topic let alone approved of it, it was the best that you could come up with for now. You wanted to prove to your editor-in-chief that you were willing to take risks, willing to leave your comfort zone for the job - even if this wasn’t going to be the final story.

But now that you were right in the middle of this happening, you were getting cold feet. This wasn’t right. If you were caught as a spectator, would the police detain you too? And would your boss truly bail you out?

“Place your bet!”

You flinched when a young man popped up right next to you with a tablet in his hand, looking at you with expectant eyes.

“Pardon?”

“Place your bet!” he repeated. “Falcon against Antelope.”

“Oh, I only came to watch,” you waved aside. “But thank you!”

“You’re here for the first time, am I right?” The guy’s eyes narrowed. “Place. Your. Bet. This is how we’re financing this all. No money, no races.”

This wasn’t a question anymore, this was a demand, and you figured that if you were going to remain undercover, you had to play along and pretend to be like everyone else, even though you didn’t know the rules to this game. The guy was scanning you from head to toe, and it took you everything to restrain yourself from shaking when you took the tablet into your hands. 

You had changed your mind entirely by now. You just wanted to be out of here as fast as possible, no matter what the editor-in-chief might say about this lost opportunity. It just wasn’t worth all this stress and fear. After all, you were quite attached to your life and a clear criminal report. It wasn’t that bad to be a goody two-shoes.

Still, you had to place a bet before you could vanish so that the guy would stop bothering you, so you scanned the display laying in your palms.

There were two columns, one belonged to the Falcon, the other to the Antelope. Each column was divided into different cells with the name and the amount of money one betted. No one had placed a single bet on the Falcon. 

What was there to lose when the money would be gone from you one way or another since you were going to leave right after this anyway? You wouldn’t win a single penny.

So you placed a fake name and 70.000 Won for the Falcon, which was ironically the lowest bid for the Antelope. You noticed that most of the other people had betted much more, making you wonder about the total amount the winner could collect. But 70.000 Won was already very much for you, so you stuck with that.

“The Falcon, huh?” The guy grinned. “Risky, but I like the way you think. We only accept cash. Today it’s 20 million won so far for the winner, and ten percent of it gets split between the right betters depending on their bets. Maybe you’re lucky tonight and win ten percent of the entire amount yourself.”

You were holding yourself back letting out an audible gasp as it truly sounded tempting, and instead reached into your bag and pulled out your purse. 70.000 Won was a small price for your life, and you couldn’t wait to finally leave and never turn back. How high were the chances the Falcon was going to win anyway when nobody believed he would?

The guy grinned when he collected your money. “Interesting. It’s going to be an interesting race today. Good luck!”

He then went on to bother someone else all while you checked your surroundings for a hidden, but secure exit. Since you had used a fake name and only one person had seen your real face up close, it would be easy getting away unnoticed. 

And you did. 

Sliding along the buildings with your back pressed into the outer walls, nobody paid attention to you since the race was about to begin and a turmoil broke out shortly after your bet. You had been weighing yourself in safety, currently hiding in a blind, dark spot in the entrance of a different building with the street to freedom in sight when you suddenly heard male voices speaking up.

“Ready, Jaehyun?”

“More than you are.”

You froze on the spot when you saw several tall figures coming in your direction, their bodies illuminated by the street lamps, and you recognized the intimidating men dressed all in black leather who had been right in the middle of the crowd shortly before. 

You couldn’t go back or forth, because either side was illuminated and would set the spotlight right on you, and flight forward would mean running directly into their arms. You could only push the door to the building behind you open and…

You found yourself standing in some kind of huge factory hall where only two cars were parked, the rest was entirely empty. Who in their right mind would rent a whole factory building for only two cars? Yes, they were expensive sports cars from what you could tell, the kind of ones that would catch everyone’s attention on the streets because of how luxurious and tuned they were… but an entire hall?

You were still processing and connecting all of this new information when the same door through which you had entered got pushed open again, and in walked all men that you had run from shortly before.

Your heart suddenly lept, and you feared that this was what a heart attack might feel like, yet you were very much still alive as you were able to desperately look for a spot to hide again while they hadn’t discovered your presence yet, but lingered by the entrance with the focus on two of them talking.

Out of reflex, as one of them turned into your direction, you fell to your knees and hid behind one of the cars - the matte black one -, suppressing a gasp the moment this exact car unlocked with a sound and flash from afar.

“I’m not afraid of you. I pity you.”

You needed a new spot to remain hidden with footsteps approaching this vehicle. Right now.

“And why would that be, Jaehyun?”

You had to think of something safe, but there was barely time anymore.

“Because you’re going to lose the race today.”

No way in hell.

There was no way in hell these were the racing cars! But of course, now everything made sense as to why those cars were being kept here, you just had been in too much of a panic to have connected the dots.

How you found yourself inside that matte, black car at this moment of realization, you couldn’t tell. Just like you couldn’t tell how you could have hoped to get out of this situation unnoticed all while hiding in a crouching position in the backseat with the only way to escape being visibly passing by these men.

If only you had stayed behind the car or under the car if you were to be discovered anyway, you could have somehow talked yourself out of this situation. But how were you going to explain you had actually sneaked into a racing vehicle? Out of all the dumb things you had ever done, this made it to the top of your list. 

You flinched and threw yourself down into the small legroom between the driver’s seat and backseat, when you heard the door in front of you open and a figure seated himself behind the steering wheel.

No way this was your situation now!

Everything was better than ending up inside one of these cars, hearing it start and rolling out of the hall.

This… this situation couldn’t be real.

If you just stayed crouched in the legroom, not giving away a single tone or making a single move, maybe you still had a chance to survive this ride unnoticed. How you would handle this situation when you returned and had to reveal yourself if you didn’t want to be locked inside that car until you died of thirst… that was something you didn’t want to think about yet.

After a few feet, the car came to a stop in the clearing among the spectators, and you made yourself even smaller in case someone might want to get a look inside. By the way the crowd cheered and rejoiced, you hoped that the racer was the Antelope for god knows which reason. They were both racers with the intention to win by all means.

The noise got louder, went from muffled to clear, and you realized the driver had pulled down the window.

“Everything ready?” A male voice.

“I’m ready,” was the driver’s dry answer, a deep voice with a calming, soft undertone. 

The engine was raving up, and you were tucked between the passenger’s seat and the backseat in a hole that was too tight, but because of that it was also the safest spot for the ride as there was no room to move anyway. Turning your head against the window at the opposite of you, you only saw light that flooded in and nothing else.

Dear god, you found yourself praying for the first time in your life, please let me live.

“Jaehyun, do you hear me?”

You flinched when you heard another voice.

“Clear and loud.”

“Only ten seconds left.”

“Okay.”

Was he communicating through a two-way radio with someone? You hadn’t expected this race to be so well-planned and coordinated. Was it always like this? This was an interesting and not widely known point. You only hoped your memory would keep all this information saved as you for sure wouldn’t be able to take out your notebook and write everything down now. 

This was the journalist inside you taking the upper hand again. If you were already in this situation, you were going to write the hell out of it. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity you would never get again, the exact situation your editor-in-chief had talked about.

This was going to be your headline story. You only hoped what he had promised was true and your company would really bail you out if it came down to this. Or pay for hospital bills. There was no way you would be able to leave unscathed, physically and emotionally.

“Three!” the crowd yelled that you could also hear in the car as though you were standing among them.

“Two!” Your fingers gripped onto leather and something metallic, you couldn’t really tell. 

“One!” You closed your eyes.

“GO!”

How equally unlucky and lucky you were to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or right place at the right time, it depended.

____

You were absolutely not safe in your hiding spot as expected. You got tossed and flung into every direction possible, and if it weren’t for the narrow space in which you had tucked yourself in, you believed that you would have been hurled into the seat right next to the driver already. 

But you were gripping hard onto the cushions like your life depended on it just to prevent this from happening as the car sped through the streets and took every curve with such a sharp edge, you were amazed the vehicle didn’t drive on one side only by then. In your location, you weren’t quite able to catch the car’s speed, but only guessed by the street lights flashing by in less than a single second, which was, in your non-existent experience, quite much.

While the driver was talking to the person at the other end of the radio who was giving him directions and tips, navigating him away from police controls and crowded locations, you started to feel a bit braver with no more sharp curve having come in miles anymore. Most likely, you were on the highway now.

So you slowly arose and got on your knees. Curiosity eventually had gotten the better of you, and you wondered what the world outside looked like. In the end, no matter how you would come out of this, you had to make sure it must have been all worth it. 

You had to come to the conclusion that if you moved a bit higher to look out of the window, he might spot your head from his position if he looked in the rear window. With a muted curse, you crouched back down, but instantly got hit by another idea. Dragging the phone out of your handbag was quite an act when you barely couldn’t move, but once you had managed to do so, you inwardly hyped yourself up.

You turned on the camera and pressed the record button, then imperceptibly motioned the phone over your head and let the upper part peek out of your lair with the camera facing out of the window. If he would look, then he would barely see anything, probably mistake the black edge of your phone for a shadow or a part of the car’s interior.

When suddenly a ringing tone broke through the silence inside the car though, you nearly let your device fall with a gasp. You thought you had the ringtone silenced for the entire day already, how was it possible?!

“Hello,” the driver suddenly greeted, and only then it took a load off your mind. It wasn’t your phone that had rung.

“Jaehyun, when will you come home?” The female voice sounded playful, childish. A kid? Perhaps a teenager even?

“Why are you still awake?” The driver named Jaehyun chided with feigned sternness, of whom you still didn’t know what he looked like and whether he was the Falcon or the Antelope. “It’s past midnight and you have school tomorrow.”

“I was waiting for you to come home.”

“But I won’t be home for another hour. It’s going to be late tonight.” The driver sighed, and he sounded very regretful. “I’m sorry.”

“Jaehyun, are you currently racing?”

Silence followed, and suddenly, you felt like you were going to overhear something no one else was supposed to eavesdrop. Like an intruder - which you technically and obviously were since this was obviously a conversation between two family members. 

The driver repeated, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I won’t tell mom. I’ll tell her you’re studying in the library again.”

A yawn followed on the other side, and suddenly, you heard the driver snicker. Somehow, it didn’t fit his attitude that you had gotten a glimpse at earlier. Even his responses to the person at the other side of the radio had always been short and curt. But to this young person, he was entirely different.

“I will wait for you. Mom said I shouldn’t, but I cannot sleep if I don’t know you’re home.”

“I’ll come home safe.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, sis. I will always come home safe.”

Your arm that was holding the phone quietly slipped back into your lap, and you stayed silent for a very long time after they had hung up. This was so wrong. You had signed up for an adventure, not to listen to an intimate conversation between siblings that somehow also warmed your heart. 

If you had learned anything from it, then it was that the driver was indeed a kind person deep within. It didn’t matter what he did, for what he did it and who he was in the end, Antelope or Falcon. They were people with stories, and if you were the journalist you claimed to be, you needed to look at both sides of the coin and bring out everyone’s own perception.

Wasn’t this what your editor-in-chief wanted? A headline that didn’t go “Illegal street racer makes a comeback! We are the first ones to interview him” but rather “He risked it all for his little sister, and now he’s back - read here about the tragic backstory of one of Seoul’s most dangerous men!” or something along these lines.

After you had gathered yourself again, you looked at your phone while the roads started to turn bumpier now. You assumed you had reached the outskirts and were hopefully on the way back to where it had all started. Gosh, you prayed for that, even though you hadn’t come up with a plan to explain your situation at all yet.

The video on your phone showed you exactly what you had expected to see: nothing but a blur of whites and black. Great. It was useless. But what had you even expected?

“We have a problem.”

You perked up your ears as you heard the other familiar voice through the radio.

“What is it?” the driver grumbled. “Not long and we’ll…” He paused, and even with the missing eye contact, you sensed how the mood had suddenly shifted. “I haven’t seen him in  a while…”

“Exactly. There is an undercover police car underway, the informants have just told us, and it’ll stop right where you have to pass through. The Antelope apparently knew about this and already took another route.”

Antelope?! You knew you didn’t want to judge, but out of all possibilities which was 50/50, of course you would have ended up in the Falcon’s aka Jaehyun’s car, the very same person you had mindlessly betted on. What were the odds?

The Falcon snorted. “Now, will you tell me he didn’t set this up himself?”

“No accusations now. Let’s think about what’s best to do. We’re currently in Gangdong-Gu, you somehow have to leave the highway.”

“There is no possibility,” he growled back. “It’s a suburb, there is no way I can pass through it on time and unnoticed for me to win the race.”

“I’ll navigate you the best I can.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. The streets are so short and narrow, it will take too long and is too complicated.”

“You can’t get caught by the police, Jaehyun. And they’re almost right in front of you. It’s better to-”

“Don’t!” he cut the person on the other end off. “I won’t give up. Not this time again. I need this win and money, you know that. It’s my comeback and reputation that I have to restore.”

“But what your family needs is you, more than money or your reputation.”

Silence. Your front teeth sank deep into your bottom lip as you were quarreling with yourself in silence. You knew what was right and what was wrong, what was legal and what was illegal, and what you were currently doing with the driver was far from being within the law as a matter of fact. 

But his little sister wanted him to come home so that she could go to sleep…

“HEY!” you screamed and suddenly appeared from behind his driver’s seat.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

The car swerved to the left, hurling you out of your lair and right into the edge of the backseat with a dull pain that shot from your stomach right into every limb. You gasped for air.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?” Despite you still not being able to face him, you got a glimpse of his face when you looked at it through the rear window. Clear anger and also shock was written all over it. You couldn’t blame him. “ANSWER TO ME NOW!”

“Don’t… have time,” you breathed and rubbed your back, getting on your knees and slowly rising from your position. “Gangdong-Gu… that’s where I grew up. I know this place inside out. I’ll navigate you.”

“Jaehyun, who is that with you in your car? That’s a rule violation!”

“I don’t fucking know who this is!” he yelled again, but not as loud as before, and before he could react to your actions, you had already crawled over the expensive interior and settled yourself in the passenger’s seat. “Who are you?!”

With a click, you fastened the seatbelt and looked out of the window. You knew exactly where you were now. “Take the second exit from here. We will pass by within the next two minutes. You will have to drive through a part of the neighborhood to change highways, but you’ll be fine at this hour. Once you have changed motorways, you’ll even reach the destination quicker. Is that a rule violation too? Taking a shortcut through the suburbs?”

You tilted your head and met his flabbergasted expression as he was staring at you with equal intensity where also curiosity was mirrored. “Uhm… usually we avoid that to not accidentally hurt any passerbyers. But…”

“It’s not a violation of the rules,” the person on the radio jumped in quickly. “It’s just unethical and something we would not like to risk.”

“Okay, thanks radio-guy.”

“Welcome, uhm… intruder-lady?”

“I did not intrude!”

“Well, how the fuck would you call this?” the Falcon interrupted.

“I don’t have time to explain now.” Your arm shot up and you pointed at a sign. “Take this exit! Right now!”

From the corner of your eyes, you clearly saw him struggling whether to trust you or not. Fair enough. You were a stranger that had hidden in his car and were now only popping up when it was about winning or losing. If anything, you could have been smuggled in by the Antelope’s team as well. No wonder he was doubting whether he could trust you.

“Screw it.”

You got thrown to the left when he suddenly swerved and left the highway according to your instruction. With your right hand, you grabbed the handle under the window for stability, once again questioning all your life choices. But you had thought long and clear about this. Having decided on helping him would result in the best outcome for your situation.

“Three rules,” he suddenly said when he drove into the neighborhood.

You shook off all your fears, speaking confidently, “I’m listening.” 

“First. No word to anyone about what’s happening and what you’re doing right now. Nobody can know you’re in here.”

Why did he sound so intimidating? “Got it.”

“Second, you will lead me through this neighborhood without any incidents. Slow, steady and clear, you’ll be the navigator, the guy at the other side helps you from afar. One wrong turn, one accident or even the danger of one, and one late instruction, and I’ll kick you out of the car right there and then.”

No pressure, no pressure at all, you thought ironically to yourself. “Got it.”

“And third,” a voice on the radio chirped, “Don’t forget to have fun!”

“Shut up, Taeyong.”

“Third,” the Falcon repeated, “when we’re back at the venue, you’ll stay hidden inside here until someone comes and gets you.”

What would happen after, you didn’t dare to ask. Surely, they wouldn’t get rid of you… right? Either way, your fate had been sealed the moment you decided to come watch the race, so you gulped silently and gave a final nod.

The car came to a halt in front of a very familiar street. Everything was dark, empty and quiet. You took a deep breather and the Falcon’s head snapped in your direction. When you faced each other the next moment, you took a spare second to study his face.

If he weren’t in a racing car, you could imagine him very well sitting in a café, sipping coffee and typing something into his laptop, maybe even wearing glasses and ordinary street clothes, possibly even joggers. 

He was just a normal dude under all these leather clothes that made him appear very tough, emphasized by this constant scowl on his face that was - admittedly - very handsome. After years in your field of expertise, you could read people very well and only seldomly were you wrong.

“Ready?” he asked, not breaking eye contact.

Neither did you. “Ready.”

The adrenaline flushed through your veins the moment he hit the gas pedal.

____

“Didn’t you sleep much last night?” your co-worker asked when you yawned for the nth time that morning.

What were you supposed to answer? 

“I only got home at 4am last night, because I was street racing?”

So instead, you said, “I just couldn’t fall asleep, don’t worry.”

Nobody would believe you. And yet, these were the stories that everyone sought after. But only one ride was not resourceful enough and didn't contain enough substance for a decent plot. You needed the people behind it, the backgrounds and the experiences. 

But after you had gotten out of the car, these people have made it very clear to you that you shouldn’t appear in a race ever again, not even as a spectator, and that your lips needed to be sealed for eternity. The fact that they had let you go without any consequences was only out of mercy because you had contributed to the victory - with a violation of rules though. 

You had learned pretty quickly though that most of the time, they ignored these rules as long as nobody got hurt as physical incidents that included innocents were the highest breach of violation - just like the Antelope who had apparently cheated like the Falcon had assumed. But since nobody got proof, there hadn’t been more consequences than a few verbal attacks. As long as nobody had seen you inside the car and could prove it somehow, you were fine. 

The only person that had thanked and had been nice to you was the Falcon’s navigator, Taeyong. He had even looked very sorry for what you had been through when he had opened the door to the car and you stepped out of the hideout between the backseat and passenger’s seat with shaking legs.

The Falcon hadn’t even looked at you twice when you walked out of the building - with all the money. Yes, surprisingly, they had still given you ten percent of the prize money. It was all rightfully yours since you had been the only one betting on the Falcon. Your bet had been officially registered and you had won, so it was fair and according to the rules that you would get what you earned, Taeyong had explained. 

Deep down, you sensed that he only didn’t want to admit they wouldn’t have won without you, and this was them paying off their debt. After all, you hadn’t given out your real name, so they could have just said the betting person vanished. But you didn’t push the topic and saw it as hush money that you luckily needed anyway, and accepted it. Racers had a very high sense of ethics, you had learned by now. A thank you from the Falcon wouldn’t have hurt though. But instead, he had said you should never appear in front of his eyes ever again. What a rude man.

“Okay,” your co-worker said, “shall we go through the index for the next issue and compare the page numbers? Two pairs of eyes work better than just one.”

“Sure! Let me get the notes about what the editor-in-chief said. There were some important points he mentioned that had changed…”

You reached into your handbag to look for your notebook when at that moment, the telephone on your desk rang and showed the lobby’s shortcut number.

“There is someone waiting here for you, miss.”

“Alright, I’ll come downstairs.”

You wondered whether you had actually missed a meeting or an interview that you had set up for a story, but nothing actually came into your mind when you took the elevator and rode downstairs to the lobby. 

At the front desk, you asked the lady where your visitor was waiting since you hadn’t spotted a familiar face as you passed by the waiting area. When she pointed at a figure sitting on the couch, slumped on the cushion, you needed to blink twice to match the face with your memories.

“You?!” you then called out when you stood in front of the young man.

He wore a snapback, glasses, joggers and a loose long sleeve. Between his lips, he carried a white stick, and you already wanted to call him out that smoking was not allowed in here when you realized that the stick was too thin to be a cigarette. It turned out to actually be a lollipop. When your gaze fell to his feet, you were able to count every single naked toe as he wore slippers. You were right. He normally didn’t look like this nighttime-self at all. During the daytime, he was just a normal guy who appeared to have just gotten out of bed.

When the Falcon arose from his seat, he didn’t even greet you. Instead, he took the lollipop out of his mouth, round and red, and just thrusted a notebook into your hands. Your notebook - the one you had wanted to fetch from your handbag earlier and which you needed for the meeting with your editor-in-chief later. You had been so sure that it was in your handbag this entire time!

“This was still in the backseat of my car. Take better care of your belongings. And don’t put your business cards everywhere. It’s not everyone’s business where you work or what your contact information is.” He then shrugged, made the lollipop disappear between his lips again and turned aside to walk past you, but you held him back by his arm. 

“Wait!”

Slowly, he shifted his head back to you and asked lazily, but clearly despite the sweet in his mouth, “What is it now?” 

He shook your grip off, but you just bluntly asked the question that had been on your mind this entire morning, “Let me ride with you one more time, please?”

He drew his brows together as if you had just asked the dumbest thing a woman your age could ask a man. And apparently, judging by his answer, you had done exactly that. 

“Are you nuts?”

“You see, I’m a journa-”

“You people really think you’re superior,” he scowled, and you were taken aback. “Making money off of people’s personal stories, aren’t you guys embarrassed? I shouldn’t have returned your notebook at all. You’re all just selfish bastards.”

With a lowly look at you, the Falcon put more distance between you two, and although you were frozen on the spot and dumbfounded at first, you didn’t want to let him leave like this. Clearly, he had a prejudice about you journalists that you had to resolve. 

“I’m not one of those journalists that make money off other people!” you told him when you had caught up with him, but by then you were already outside on the streets. “I tell real, verified stories, and only what people allow me to write! Only the truth!” He didn’t reply, but just continued walking, and you decided to follow him. “I’ve never lied or done anything without consent to write my stories. And that is what my editor-in-chief is always criticizing since this apparently holds me back from getting a promotion. In his eyes, I’m a goody two-shoes who doesn’t take any risks. But the truth is… I can’t do that, I’m fine that way! I want to tell the stories with people, I don’t want to tell stories against people! And I think you guys’ story is one very worth telling!”

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and you nearly ran into him from behind. One a few inches separated you from each other when he turned around to you and dropped his head to lock gazes with you. “I don’t think what happened yesterday with you breaking into my car was something a goody two-shoes would actually do, but a ruthless journalist.”

You let out a desperate cry. “I told you over and over again, I just wanted to watch the race, then changed my mind and wanted to go home when you guys appeared, and then I panicked! That wasn’t planned, and regarding how close I was to dying, I would choose to not do that again. Which is why I’m asking you formally for permission.”

The Falcon remained silent and inwardly, you raised your hopes up. If you could tell a great story in cooperation with him under an alias and his other friends, that would definitely secure your promotion. 

“No.”

Then, he continued his way.

“But why?” You quickly caught up to him again. “I wouldn’t tell you guys’ real names and only write what you want to have written.”

“I don’t have a story to tell except that we like racing.”

“But there must already be a story to that, right?” you tried again, keeping up with his steps this time. “Why did you start? How did you start? How did you learn all this, how do you feel when you’re in the car, how does this whole teamwork function, do your other friends and family know and what do they think about it… I have so many questions!”

“No word about my family,” he interrupted you, the candy now in his hand to speak more insistently, and it didn’t sound like a warning at this point, it sounded more like a threat. “Whatever you heard in the car, you better forget about it.”

A soft spot - you had already discovered that. It was none of your business if he didn’t want to let you in as a stranger, but you also couldn’t stop wondering. “I already got that memo yesterday. But-”

Again, he cut you off. “Great. And if I still catch you publishing an article on what happened yesterday or what you eavesdropped… well, I know where you work and live thanks to your negligence. Goodbye.”

He put the lollipop back into his mouth and disappeared in the crowd. You were tired of chasing after him again, and truth to be told, you could understand his point. Taking a deep breath in, you settled with the fact that you had to change your topic, the promotion gone from your sight again.

Of course you could have written the article without any additional info or the reveal that you were in the car yourself, but then it would only be that, an article. But you wanted a story.

_____

You were scrolling through the internet, looking for new jobs.

You figured that if you were to stick with your old position, you could as well try your luck somewhere else. Perhaps, there were open positions on the same level as your missed promotion for which you could prove that you were qualified or that didn’t require you to do illegal and unethical things.

There were only two days left until you had to hand in your proposal for the story that would cover the next issue, and you still hadn’t come up with something else. 

By now, you could also pack your things and leave the city since living in the countryside didn’t sound so bad after all. Sitting by the window all day, watching nature? A dream. But you had chosen to return and to stay in the capital on purpose, a quiet, secluded life didn’t suit your current ideals. You were a writer after all, always seeking for new stories to tell, and you believed Seoul told endless ones.

The ringing doorbell had you spin around on your chair. Your room was small, but it offered enough space for all necessities that only one person needed, which was why you rarely had visitors. And as far as you remembered, you hadn’t invited anyone over.

“Who is there?” you asked carefully as you approached the door.

“It’s me.”

You furrowed. “Who?”

“Me.” Pause. “Jaehyun.”

The Falcon. Lollipop-dude. What could he possibly want after your last argument?

You opened the door, and there he stood in front of you, hair slicked back and donned all in black leather - a stark contrast to a few days ago, safe from the lollipop spinning in his mouth. 

He peeked through the halfway opened door. “It’s tiny in here.”

You snapped, “Well, nobody asked you to come.”

“Can I come in anyway? We need to talk.”

“I didn’t write anything!”

He rolled his eyes as you opened the door. “I know, that’s not why I came here.”

You closed the entrance door behind you and watched him standing in your room, a bit too big for your furniture, and also a bit lost in this environment. You struggled biting down a snicker, because this picture was just so surreal.

“What is it?” he grumbled.

You folded your arms in front of your chest and shrugged. “Nothing. So tell me, what do you want from me that even made you come to my home?”

The Falcon turned around to your desk and stretched out his arm, taking something into his hand that must be your notebook he had returned to you. Holding it up, he showed it to you with his back still facing you and asked, “You still want to write this story of yours?”

Perplexed, you could only nod, but as you realized he couldn’t witness your confirmation, you quickly agreed vocally, “Yes! Yes, of course!” 

“Three rules,” he then started before slowly shifting back into your sight, the lollipop still in his mouth, and you noted that everything for him came with terms and conditions. How exhausting, three rules again. “You won’t use anyone’s real names. You will only write what I allow you to write. You won’t mention my family or my background. I am allowed to read the entire thing before you publish it.”

“Those are four rules tho,” you remarked, and his eyes narrowed. 

The lollipop stopped spinning in his mouth. “I’m outta here.”

“I agree, I agree!” you corrected yourself. “I agree with all the rules!”

“Fine.” He handed you over your notebook. “Now get dressed, we’re going racing. I hope you have black clothes and a leather jacket, because this…” He pointed at your light pink pajamas in which you had changed into as soon as you came home, “is not it.”

Your eyes widened. “Now?”

“Now,” he repeated.

You hesitated.

“Your last chance,” he pushed.

“I’ll get changed.”

____

“I thought I was going to be in the car.”

“Didn’t Jaehyun tell you?” Taeyong asked with a cocked brow.

“Tell me what?”

“That guy…” He touched his forehead and pointed at the seat next to him, urging you to sit down in front of the three monitors standing on the desk. “We need you to navigate.”

“Navigate what?”

“What did you two talk about on your ride here?”

You heaved up your shoulders and let them down again. “Actually nothing.”

The ride in the Falcon’s car to this suburb had been quiet with him focusing on driving and you concentrating on what you could make this story revolve around. No, you had barely talked and had each lived in their own mind.

“You’re going to navigate the race. Basically be his co-driver, but from here, not from inside the car like last time,” Taeyong explained thoughtfully with a smile. “Basically, you’ll do my job, I’ll only be your co-navigator and the team’s manager fully again.”

“Navigator? Eh? I thought I was only going to stay here, writing. Maybe even get the chance to be inside the car again, but since it’s against the official rules, I didn’t even think of that.”

“Wait, he really didn’t tell you anything?” You were both equally confused.

“So I’m not just… observing?”

“Absolutely not.” Taeyong determinedly shook his head. “To be part of the team means to contribute something, and for you to write this story about us, you will also have to do your part. Actually, no outsider is allowed to be with the team during the race, because the risk of cheating and manipulation is too high, so this was the only option. Jaehyun has already fallen out of grace, we cannot allow something negative to be associated with him again when his reputation is just getting repaired.”

You wanted to know why the Falcon had fallen out of grace in the first place, but you came to the conclusion that it was not your time to ask just yet. 

“And why me then? Aren’t you guys enough?” You tried to conceal your rising panic. “I can just sit here and write if I’m not allowed inside the car. Maybe do some cleaning of the vehicle before you start or do some promotion work. Something I can actually do. Nobody will notice I don’t have a fixed role in the team. Besides, I don’t even know how to navigate.”

Taeyong tilted his head, his smile growing wider. “But you’ve done an exceptionally good job last time. It doesn’t matter who navigates, the person just has to be good.”

You felt your cheeks getting warm by this compliment. “I barely did anything…”

“And yet, it was enough for him to win after such a long time and have people start betting on him again. He really needs the money, so you better help him win as many races as possible in return for getting a good story.”

Why did it sound like a threat despite his sweet smile? 

You sighed. “What do I have to do?”

“Take this.” 

Taeyong handed you a headset and instructed you to wear it which would connect your voice to the radio in Jaehyun’s car. Through the first monitor, you had the dashcam’s point of view, which gave you the feeling of being directly in the passenger’s seat, that was not bad. The second monitor showed the car’s location in the city with all streets and buildings through a GPS while the third showed another map but with different red dots spread across the screen.

“Those are police stations and control points.” Taeyong let the tip of his index finger glide over the screen. “... of the ones we know. Spotting cars following Jaehyun as well as unplanned control points popping up will be another challenge. And these devices are police scanners. As you can guess from the name alone…”

At first, you had been excited, but as you got everything explained and shown, it dawned on you how close the driver and the navigator actually had to work, and that the driver had to trust the navigator literally with his life. You didn’t feel very comfortable with that much responsibility weighing on your shoulders. What if something went wrong and he got caught by the police? Would you land in jail then too? 

“Today, it’s going to be a cannonball run with two others, meaning Jaehyun will start here, but finish at the other side of the city where most of the spectators are waiting. That’s why there is barely anyone here right now. Of course they want to see the winner. As opposed to last time’s run, this is about time rather than bringing as much distance between the cars as possible. And you know how much the sum is that you can win?” Taeyong’s sweet smile got replaced by a wicked grin. “40 million won.”

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry!”

You jumped out of your seat and ran towards the door, opening it up. The starting point was somewhere in the suburbs where you had never been before, but you didn’t care as you pulled out your phone once you inhaled fresh air that filled your heated lungs, ready to call a taxi.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

A huge figure blocked your way, and it only took you one look to first smell his lollipop, then recognize him. Damn, did he ever finish that sweet or did he have an entire stash in his pockets?

“I’m going home!”

“And why would you do that?”

“Because you lied to me! I can’t do this!”

Instead of talking you out of it, the Falcon raised his brows, then laughed, revealing his teeth between the red lollipop. “I knew it. Once a chickenshit, always a chickenshit.”

“A what?!” Your mouth stood agape, wondering whether you had heard right. “How can you say that?”

“I’m only speaking the truth. The first time, you also wanted to escape had it not been for us coming in your direction and forcing you to get into the car, right?”

You faltered. “Hm… okay, yes… but…”

He tilted his head and shrugged. “You dream about big stories, but this is what they will always stay for you: a dream. And you know why?” The Falcon leaned in, and you felt the sudden urge to withdraw, but you were completely petrified. “Because you don’t have the courage and the will to actually make your dreams come true. You're a big talker, a dreamer to put it nicely, but you’re not a doer, someone who gets shit done. I, in comparison, get shit done. And this is why I'm doing what I’m doing and you’re only watching from the sidelines, not being able to type down this story of yours like the goody two-shoes you are. Ever thought about the fact that you won’t get this promotion because you don’t deserve it?”

You weren’t aware that you had been holding your breath the entire time. Only when he approached you further and whispered in your ear, “Now go home, we don’t need someone like you here, we can do it without you”, you were able to exhale again, blood irregularly pumping through your veins while you clenched your fists.

With a fierce gaze thrown at him, you spun around on your heel, opened the door to the hall and yelled, “Taeyong, give me the headset and tell me what to do. For this round, I feel more comfortable with you next to me.” You threw one last look behind you at Jaehyun before you continued, “And next time, I’ll do it all myself.”

The door fell shut behind you, but you could have sworn that you saw the Falcon smiling. 

This time though, genuinely. And perhaps partly relieved.

____

You were still shaking when you found yourself sitting in the Falcon’s car again, heading home in the middle of the night after your first race as a co-navigator. The other team members had brought you to the finish line in their car with them to celebrate, but there was not much reason for you to do so as of now. The shock was still sitting deeply with you.

“Everything okay?” the Falcon asked, but it still sounded like coming from another planet as your ears were ringing. “What are you even upset about? We won.”

“What I’m upset about?” you called out. “There could have been so many instances that could have gone totally wrong!”

“But nothing went wrong. Why are you always such a scaredy cat?” You didn’t look at him but straight out of the window. His eye roll was very visible in front of you though. “Just calm down, it’s irritating me.”

“I know everything ended well, but just imagine if a police car had suddenly pulled up. Or if someone had crossed the streets. Inside the car, it was exciting, but as an official navigator, you have so much responsibility…”

“Just enjoy the victory and the amount of money we’re going to share with you. Isn’t that what you wanted?” He murmured something about goody two-shoes again, but by now you were good at ignoring that. “Geez, did you ever have one single day in your life that you could freely enjoy without having a stick so far up your ass? Your poor boyfriend.”

It was the most nonchalant way in which you had ever witnessed the Falcon talk, even though he had mostly said nonsense. 

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I wonder why.”

You gasped. “Excu-”

The next moment, you tasted something sweet on your tongue. “Close your mouth and suck.”

Instinctively, you did as you had been told as you didn’t know how else to react. The Falcon kept driving the car through the city with his eyes fixated on the road in front of him as though he hadn’t just pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and nearly shoved it straight down your throat.

“Sugar helps me calm down and the motions I need to make distract me from unwanted thoughts,” he admitted, and his voice suddenly sounded so vulnerable that you didn’t dare to respond. “I think you need that now too.”

You slumped back into your seat, suddenly very quiet. You tried not to think much about the fact that his saliva was now in your mouth too, and that you didn’t feel repulsed at the thought at all. He had been right after all. Your hands were not shaking anymore.

“The fact that I participate in those races is because I need the money,” he continued and you somehow sensed that he was currently glad that you weren’t able to look him straight in the face in case you caught his true emotions mirrored there. “And I wanted you to be my navigator, because you had done a very good job the first time around. During the races, you appear to be panicked and disheveled, but you are actually calm and collected, always knowing what you’re doing and never doubting yourself. From the first moment on, I saw much potential in you, and I needed someone like that to strengthen my team.”

“... to win the races,” you finished what he probably thought to himself in silence.

“Exactly.”

“So to you, it’s all about winning?” Your mouth tasted sweet with each syllable, and only now you recognized which flavor that was: cherry. “You wanted me in your team, because you assumed I could contribute to your series of wins?”

“That’s my only life goal. Winning as many games as possible for the money.”

You didn’t know why his answer bothered you. Weren’t you also only on board because you needed to write about this experience to ensure you climb the ladder of success which would eventually also result in money and fame? You weren’t much different from each other. He probably was only a bit more reckless in money making than you.

“I understand,” you agreed when it eventually clicked. He was trying to fool you again, so you corrected yourself, “No, I don’t understand. The way you spoke to your sister… it’s not only about money for you.”

The Falcon scoffed. “Why do you feel the need to peg me as some kind of deep character? Because I don’t fit the narrative of your story?”

This stung. Most likely because he was right. People wanted to read about deep characters, if not about a hero, then about an antagonist who told them how he had become an antagonist. But nobody wanted to read about a greedy, selfish person.

“So the main character of my story is only after money,” you concluded dryly.

“Yes, this is something you can mention in your story. The person you write about is a selfish jerk who only thinks about money.” He let out a laugh, but it rather sounded rather bitter than genuine. “I know it’s not that very deep of a story, but never told you that what you would get was interesting.”

The lollipop clicked against your teeth as you replied, “No worries. I’m a professional.”

He wanted to make himself fit his very own narrative, and you needed him to fit your own narrative. Right now, there was no character to your story.

At home, despite the ungodly hour and your clash of interests, you typed down a summary of your story and handed it in the very next day, even before the deadline. This would be your story, one way or another. You were going to make the best out of it, with the Falcon’s cooperation or without.

____

“He is very popular,” you remarked.

“Oh, he sure is.” Taeyong thrusted a drink into your hand. “He just doesn’t like this attention at all.”

You watched the Falcon getting approached by both men and women who were desperate to talk to him while you watched with your new team from the sidelines. After another race together that the Falcon had won, Taeyong had invited you to something like an after party in some other team member’s big house. You had to work the next morning and didn’t want to stay long, but you supposed you had to do it for the experience and more substance for your article. The more you had to write about, the better.

“Can you imagine that only a few months ago, it was entirely different? Everybody hated him.”

“Hm?” You snapped your head to Taeyong. “Because of the accident he was involved in?”

The look in his eyes was impenetrable, but it softened when he watched his friend. “Yes, but the details to that… I’m sure he’ll tell you himself when he feels the time is right.”

Admittedly, you knew quite a bit already by just going around and talking to people, you were just keeping it a secret since you didn’t want to come off to the team as too nosy or pushy. But none of the spectators you had come to have a short conversation with knew exactly what kind of accident that had been. You had tried really hard to gather all the information, but they just differed too much from each other.

When one assumed the Falcon had hit someone with his car and drove away, the second guessed he had run into someone, but brought them to the hospital. And the third option, and that was the worst, those people believed he had killed someone in that accident. The newspapers that had reported on this case hadn’t mentioned anything more. Just the fact that the Falcon had caused an accident in a suburb that involved an innocent passerby. And that was still enough to fall out of grace in this community, that was how high their ethical standards were.

You wondered why, with such an incident happening that involved all kinds of trope that would make people drawn to it, there hadn’t been any follow-up reports by newspapers and magazines.

Taeyong had once let slip that Jaehyun had only been able to make a comeback after this incident because he had challenged the Cheetah. Apparently, nobody ever did that. And now you were even more curious about the Cheetah, the Falcon’s biggest opponent. 

From what you had heard, officially and unofficially, he won all the races and was nearly untouchable. He only challenged someone just to show off how remarkable he was, but nobody ever challenged him. That was an unspoken rule - except for when you wanted to set yourself up for humiliation. And the Falcon had done exactly that.

You looked at your team which was already top notch with a driver who was nearly impeccable. You couldn’t imagine a team that was better. Apart from the one you worked the closest with, Taeyong, there was Johnny, the mechanic, and the one which they call the investigator, though you just believed that he was a hacker in reality - Yuta. 

You had seen and worked with them before all the time, but getting to know them privately in peace made you realize one thing: These were all just normal guys who knew each other from university with a not so legal side hustle. They were splitting the winner’s entire sum equally among all of them, and even if they didn’t want that much as the Falcon was the one driving and inheriting the most dangerous part, the latter always insisted on it, claiming they weren’t a work environment, but friends. 

The fact that you were now a part of this close knit group, made you feel a bit awkward as you didn’t know them that well yet, but the other fact that they had welcomed you with open arms, safe from the Falcon so far though, and already saw you as one of them, warmed your heart. 

Even though the money had sounded very tempting as well and you surely always got your fair share of the work that paid more than a few bills, you were surprised how little it meant to you in the end. You couldn’t really pinpoint it. The races with the team… the preparation, the process, the talks in between, the shared laughter, the banter… you enjoyed this way much more than holding the money in your hands by the next day. It meant so less when everything else hoarded a much bigger feeling that was still so unfamiliar to you, but very overwhelming. 

“Ah, there he is,” Johnny whispered to you and pointed at a tall guy, surrounded by other young men and a woman. “The Cheetah and his team.”

“That’s the Cheetah?” you asked. “The one he’s challenged?”

“The best racer out there and someone Jaehyun could never beat, someone no one usually challenges and beats.” There it was. Now, you didn’t need to feign lack of knowledge anymore. “Hopefully, until now. It’s about a lot of money and the people are already anticipating it. It’s gonna be the race of the year. Maybe, Jaehyun will take his crown.”

You hadn’t known it was going to be this big and anticipated. Now, you also understood why people had welcomed the Falcon back despite whatever everyone imagined the accident to have involved. The best and most popular racer against the underdog who had fallen deep, wanting to rise again? That surely made a headline.

“The woman in that team, is she also a navigator?”

“Yes.” Taeyong nodded. “Women are mostly navigators, there rarely are female racers. As of today, I only know of two who are still active. But it’s really hard to recruit women for your team, no matter which position.”

“Because the job is illegal and hard?”

He nodded again. “Women usually don’t want to be involved in illegal activities.”

“... I can relate.”

All eyes now landed on you and you shrugged. “I just really need this promotion, you know that, guys. Just once in life, I want to be fortunate and successful.”

You were glad you could be totally open with them and not get judged, because you all were here for the same reason. This illegal sport benefitted all of you in some way.

“Just like I need money to finance my studies,” Taeyong said. 

And Yuta added, “I really want to found my own company in the future.”

“And one day, I really want to move back to the US,” Johnny finished.

You were only people with dreams and ambitions. If you did things like these with all the precautions and didn’t hurt anyone, no matter how selfish or selfless, then was it really wrong to chase after your longings? You still gave the Falcon the benefit of doubt over the incident. Your team was fair and good, you wanted to believe so hard in every single one of them.

Knowing his friends and what they did for each other, you now were a hundred percent sure that there was a deep reason the Falcon always put his life on line too, and that he wasn’t as reckless and as money-hungry as he had first made himself out to be. None of them were.

Taeyong studied to help out his family, because his father couldn’t work anymore. Yuta wanted to open up a company, because his family got robbed of theirs. Johnny wanted to go back to the US to take care of his mom.

“I first thought it all boiled down to money, that glued you together,” you thought out loud. “But I was so wrong.”

It was way more than about money. It was about friendship, family and dreams. Of some things, you had only ever heard of and never experienced yourself - and most likely never would. And as this thought settled, you realized that you were the one doing all this solely for fame. You were the selfish, money-fixated person in this group. You were the one wrong here.

“It all comes down to trust in the end,” Johnny complemented. “Without a tight-knit team that doesn’t trust each other, you cannot make it.”

“But why me?” You frowned. “I didn’t do anything to earn your trust. I’m just here, because you caught me.”

“Oh, but you did win our trust!” Taeyong then objected and Johnny and Yuta nodded along. “With the way you helped Jaehyun when you were stuck in his car, that was the first race he had won after a long while and which has restored his reputation. You didn’t help him because of the money, I heard the entire thing.”

They trusted you? Why was your chest grabbed by a feeling so overwhelming like it was going to explode at any moment? Perhaps, at this point, you could imagine being friends with them too eventually… if they wanted to still have someone as selfish as you around.

“I didn’t want to see him lose,” you reluctantly answered. “At that moment, I didn’t think about a story. I just cared for his sister… and for him.”

Because you never had had the experience of being in a real family, you wanted to protect everyone that still had one. You remembered the phone call the Falcon had made, that he had promised to always come back to her. Basically, you still knew nothing about him, but what you knew was that he was way more than he made himself out to be. 

You didn’t need to invent a story about him to fit your narrative. He had fitted it all along. You saw it clearly now.

“Okay, enough with the long faces, guys!”

Johnny threw his arms around all of you and huddled you all together.

“You’re suffocating me,” Yuta complained, though the playfulness clearly stood out in his voice.

“People are looking,” Taeyong worried, but you couldn’t help but to chuckle.

“So what?” Johnny let you all go again and shrugged. “How about a round of drinks for us? I think we all need it now.”

“I’ll get the drinks.”

You all shifted your head in unison and saw the Falcon having moved to your group, no sign of other people anymore, although you could have sworn he was swarmed by them only a few minutes ago.

“What about your fans?” you wanted to know from him and joked, “They all got an autograph already?”

His reply was dry with a gaze just as similar, “I told them to leave me alone.”

“Jeez, Jaehyun,” Taeyong complained, “with a behavior like this, no one is going to bet on you in the future.”

“They shouldn’t bet on who’s the nicest anyway.”

Yes, the Falcon wouldn’t be the winner of a be-nice-award. But when he volunteered to get the drinks and naturally included you, you figured that he didn’t need to voice his kindness. He rather showed it.

____

“Why will you drive me home? Didn’t you drink?”

“Because it’s late and dark, and I need to go home too. And of course I didn’t drink alcoholic beverages this entire time, are you nuts? Now, get in.”

You looked out of the passenger’s seat’s window when the car started rolling, lights flashing by in a blur as you drove through the streets at a normal speed, and yawned. “The party was just getting to be fun, you didn’t have to leave with me.”

“Just take this free ride, will you?”

“Okay.”

You listened to the Falcon’s lollipop clicking against his teeth when he moved it in his mouth and you yawned again. 

“I spotted the Cheetah earlier tonight,” you said. “What’s the deal with this big race that’s coming up?”

“So the guys told you, hm.” The movements of the lollipop stick stopped. “Our history runs deep. To sum it up quickly: I can win against anyone, but never against him. I need to break this curse.”

“I get it,” you declared and leaned back in your seat. “You never beat him, so the rage waves just get stacked on top of each other, and the more races you lose, the more you want to win. Just like we journalists fight to have our stories be headliners every month and there is always this one person who snatches them the majority of the time.”

The Falcon sighed. “A weird and out of place comparison, but I guess you’re not entirely wrong.”

You seamlessly continued, “When was your first race against him?”

“I guess when I turned 21. That’s when I started racing.”

“Wow, so many years and no win against him? It must be frustrating.”

“Yeah, just rub more salt into the wound,” he muttered, a bit offended, “but as I said, this is going to end in a few weeks. He won’t be Kind of the Streets anymore. It will be me who will take the crown.”

“King of the Streets?” You asked. “Is that the official title?”

“Just a label we throw around in the community every now and then, but nobody gets literally crowned, if you know what I mean. He’s just been inheriting this title forever, and I’m sick of it.”

“Did you only start because you wanted to win the title?”

“What? Of course not! I started because my fa-” He stopped. “Hey, I know what you’re doing!”

You giggled. “Don’t worry. I didn’t ask you as a journalist, I ask you as your teammate, your navigator. We have made rules and I will stick to them. Is it too much to ask for, getting to know you? We spend so much time with each other, we trust each other, don’t we?”

He became silent. You got him. “I guess so.”

This reply surprised you very much as you hadn’t expected it. But you regained your composure very quickly despite the feeling still lingering in your chest. “How many siblings do you have... Jaehyun?”

It was the first time that you vocally said and thought about his real name. You had been avoiding it, but you couldn’t keep calling him the Falcon. He was human too, although he would remain anonymous in your story.

Jeahyun paused, but eventually replied, “You already know of my younger sister. She’s the only one. I live with her and my mom.”

“How old is your sister?”

“She’s fourteen.”

“So, in middle school.”

“Exactly.”

Where was his father that he had nearly mentioned? You wanted to ask this and much more, but the way his voice had changed by the end, you knew that this was it for today. And it was okay. He should only share what he felt like sharing. Instead, you decided to tell him more about yourself.

“I live alone. My parents divorced when I was a little child, and since my mom moved abroad with a new man directly after, I stayed with my dad. But he was addicted to booze. I had to grow up fast, because whatever role a parent usually played, he wasn’t in the position to take over it. One day, when I was the same age as your sister, he didn’t come home.”

Jaehyun breathed in deeply, and you sensed that he was about to drop a comment, but held himself back from doing so at the last second. You were unsure whether this was a sign to continue or not, but you did anyway.

“He got caught in a hit and run accident. He was the driver. Despite me telling him every day to cut out on the booze or at least never get into the car with alcohol in his system, he always did. And on that fateful day, he took an entire family with him.”

Having this story sealed in your heart for such a long time, you didn’t expect the syllables to fall from your lips so smoothly as though you were retelling someone else’s past and not your personal one. After all these years, you felt nothing anymore.

“Your question from before we got into the car…” Jaehyun started, but refrained himself from ending the sentence.

“If you had drunk something, I wouldn’t have gotten in the car with you. And If you had drunk something during a race, I would have quit right away.” You smiled mildly. “I’m relieved your addiction is lollipops.”

“Why had you agreed on being my navigator?” was Jaehyun’s next question. “You should resent people like me.”

“I can’t resent the world just because I resent my father. I want you to always come home to your sister like you promised her.”

He fell into silence. Perhaps, you had crossed a line, perhaps not. But you wanted him to know that you cared. You collected stories every day from different people and they all affected you, every single fate, more or less. But for him, you didn't care like a journalist for a subject. You cared like a friend.

“I want that too,” Jaehyun eventually responded. “Always coming back home to her.”

You smiled. “Then let’s work together well.”

____

With every race, you got calmer and more professional, and even though you had lost two races so far - as constant wins were an exception anyway except for when you were called the Cheetah - Jaehyun won with you, his team, almost all races, and he rose to the top again, shining as the Falcon in all his glory.

You still weren’t able to shake off your nervousness and slight panic entirely, but you got better in managing those feelings and most importantly, you didn't let it seep through the headset for Jaehyun to feel.

Through the next races, your connection only got stronger as you figured out a way to work silently and peacefully with each other. You even bonded over unfunny jokes and small conversations you held in the car when he drove you home, which he always insisted on - most likely because you were a woman and it was usually the middle of the night.

Jaehyun’s car was his safe space, because he knew whatever you talked about, even though most of the time it wasn’t even something important, it would never leave his vehicle without his permission.

“I never drink alcohol,” he suddenly told you on one of these rides home when you both got out of the car as you had decided to make a short stopover. “I never know when my sister or mom will need me since my father is not here anymore.”

It was the first time in a long while you talked about something other than the races, teams, your job and other trivial things. You had rarely talked about his personal topics ever since that one time. You were happy to hear that you finally reached this point again, and the conversation was even opened up by him.

Jaehyun seated himself on the car’s hood and you carefully crawled up to him. He made space for you and reached out his hand when you teetered, securing you while you settled right next to him. After having taken your place, you followed his gaze and encountered a view that you hadn’t seen before.

He had wanted to drive out of the city after this race just to clear his head, and you had complied despite this late hour. Now, you were watching the sunrise from the top of a hill on an early summer morning, wondering how a moment like this, that you had never dreamed of before, was suddenly making you so happy.

“Where is your father?” you finally dared to ask, because the moment felt right.

“In prison for fraud,” Jaehyun deadpanned. “He committed a huge tax evasion crime with his own company, not only taking the business down, but all of our savings as well along with the family’s reputation.”

You were shocked. “I don’t know what to say… I’m so sorry, that’s horrible.”

“He consciously did that, knowing exactly the outcome of his actions, what it’d cause us, what it would make of us.” His blood was boiling, it was palpable. “And now, my mother is working two jobs just to make the ends meet and pay off the debt because of this selfish, money-hungry bastard.”

Jaehyun… was he racing to support his family too, just like his friends? Because a son who described his father as a selfish, money-hungry bastard couldn’t be one himself.

“I guess we both grew up with father figures we couldn’t really rely on.”

On top of the car were sitting two people with inner children that had been abandoned by their parents at some point. But you both had learned to make it through life without them. Screw them, you were going to make it better than your parents.

“I don’t want my sister to grow up thinking all men are like our father. I’m not the perfect example for an older brother, but I would do everything to give her the life she wants, such as illegal car racing just to open up the possibility to her of enrolling into her preferred university.”

So that was why and always, it was about winning races for him. Even though he had claimed otherwise in the beginning, he was not someone superficial who only cared about fame, you had always known. He cared about his family, and friends. And, as someone who hadn’t grown up with the first, it was pretty touching that a brother would do that for his sister. Nobody had ever done that for you and you didn’t have someone who would even consider doing this for you, too. 

“You sister must be really proud of you.” You smiled. “You’re a good person, Jaehyun.”

Suddenly, he turned cold. “Easy for you to say, knowing only this side of me.”

These words hurt you after spending quite a lot of time with each other. 

You had gotten to know his friends and now some of his backstory. You knew you were in no position to feel this way considering that he didn’t see you as his friend yet apparently. Still, it stung somehow.

“When I was your sister’s age, I would have loved to have an older brother by my side who cares so much about me. I was all alone, but your sister has you. Whether you see yourself as a good person or not, Jaehyun, it doesn’t matter to your sister at all. You’re good in her book, that’s enough.”

“I appreciate you saying that.” He was being sincere, judging by his voice. “My sister doesn’t endorse my… side hustle. But she accepts it without a complaint, because she knows that’s what gets us through. My mom on the other hand… You know how moms are. So we keep it a secret from .”

No, you actually didn’t. And Jaehyun only realized that when he saw how your face fell. “I shouldn’t h-”

Yet, you tried to overplay it with a shrug and a wave. “It’s okay. It slips off most people’s mind, because having a family is something we suggest everyone has. I don’t blame anyone for thinking the same about me.”

“It’s not okay, I’m sorry for speaking so nonchalantly,” Jaehyun replied determinedly, taking you aback. “I will pay more attention to what I’m saying from now on.”

Nobody had ever reacted that way to such a sand trap. You were really surprised how understanding he actually was.  “It’s not like I grew up not knowing what a family should be like,” you continued. “I saw it in the foster family that took me in until I left high school. I saw it in my friend’s family who I spent most days with. I saw it walking through the mall passing by parents with their happy children. I know exactly what it should be like having a family, I just never had one of my own.” You dropped your head, tilting the corners of your lips slightly upwards. “But one day, I dream of having one and do it all better.”

The silence that followed made you realize how bright outside it had already gotten, and also that you had just confessed your deepest wish to someone who didn’t even consider you his friend. It had something slightly embarrassing, but also comforting, because you knew he would understand you nonetheless.

But Jaehyun didn’t say anything back directly, and you felt a bit lost. It wasn’t like you didn’t feel validated or overlooked, the gaze in his eyes reflected nothing but understanding after all. Perhaps, he just wasn’t as good at expressing his thoughts as you. And that was fine as you were a writer after all. As long as you could comprehend what seemed to go on his head, you were fine with the way you communicated. It was this fine bond between the racer and the navigator.

“Get up, we’re getting breakfast,” Jaehyun eventually prompted. 

It sounded great after a good race so you didn’t complain. “Okay!”

Jaehyun was already back on the ground while you still struggled getting off the hood without slipping. That was until you felt two strong hands gripping onto your sides and heaving you up as though you were as light as a feather. You could have sworn when you got inside the car, his hand lingered on your waist a bit longer than it needed to. But it could all have been in your tired mind as well.

____

You hadn’t known breakfast would be taken in Jaehyun’s house.

“Please come in and eat, dear, we have enough!”

His mother was a cordial person whose smile brightened up the entire home upon entering. You instantly felt welcomed by her cheerful personality.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” you greeted her back and kind of awkwardly followed her into the kitchen where she had already set up the entire breakfast table for four people after Jaehyun had called her from the car to inform them they would have a guest over.

Different main and side dishes were presented, and you didn’t know where to look let alone what to eat first. You could tell Jaehyun’s mother had gone beyond and above to prepare this breakfast as he had given you a heads up that she usually left very early and came home late just to sleep the little time she had remaining. Yet, she never failed to eat breakfast with her children or at least make food for them every single day. That was motherly love.

You suddenly felt a wave of warmth spreading through your body. She wasn’t your own mother, but right now, you felt very much like part of a family you had never gotten to experience yourself. And Jaehyun had wanted to show you.

Tears welled up behind your eyes as you took a seat at the opposite of him, and you tried to hide your sentiment, yet still sneaked a look at him. His soft gaze, he hid behind his long fringe. His caring demeanor, he hid behind his rough words. His apparent worries, he hid behind a long scowl. But this was all a facade for what he truly was: a loving son and brother and so much more than a money-hungry, selfish racer. 

“Did you guys study hard for the exams the entire night?” Jaehyun’s mom asked and you tilted your head in confusion. 

“Yes, mom,” Jaehyun replied. “But she’s not a student anymore, I just picked her up on her way to work.”

She turned to you. “Really? What occupation do you inherit, dear?”

You looked into Jaehyun’s direction for approval, but he remained silent and nodded, so you told the truth, “I’m a journalist.”

“Really?” She clapped into her hands and laughed. “Jiyeong wants to become a journalist too!”

Before you could ask who Jiyeong was, a female voice already asked, “What’s with me?”

She didn’t look much like her brother. In fact, from the moment you saw her, you thought she was the spitting image of her mother, both very beautiful. 

“Jaehyun’s friend here is a journalist, Jiyeong. Isn’t that amazing?”

“Really?” Jiyeong’s eyes started to sparkle and she approached you, seating herself right next to you. “I’m editor-in-chief at our school’s newspaper! Where do you work? I read almost all newspapers and magazines on a daily basis.”

While you were explaining to Jiyoung what articles were written by you of which she indeed remembered one or two, their mother placed rice in each of your bowls along with Jaehyun’s help.

You now knew why he had wanted specifically you and came back to recruit you not only once, but twice. The first time, he had most likely not thought about involving you yet. With his sister being into journalism, he knew how important your notebook was to you and genuinely only wanted to return it. The second time, he actually came around and wondered why not combine your talent for navigation with your occupation and get at least something out of your deal, not only for you, but for him - and his little sister - too.

“My dream is to attend Ehwa Woman’s university,” Jiyoung told you when you all started eating. “Where did you study?”

You smiled. It had been your dream to go to Ehwa too. But you didn't have money or relatives who could have supported you, so you attended a university far away from Seoul that was cheap in comparison. “I went to Chonnam University in Gwangju.”

“And you came back here and made it so far! I really look up to you!”

You flushed as you had always felt inferior to your colleagues who had attended the big and popular universities in Seoul, but Jaehyun’s sister not judging you by that but complimenting your actual skills touched you very much.

“Now, let her eat, Jiyeong! She hasn’t even come to touch her food yet! Please dig in, dear before it gets cold!”

It was your first breakfast together with loving people in many, many years.

When you stood outside with Jaehyun, waiting for his sister to get her backpack for school so that he could drive her there, you told him, “Thank you for introducing me to your mom and sister. I know why you did that.”

Because he wanted to show you what it felt like to have an actual, loving family. Because he wanted to show you that your work was never for vain. He had eventually become your friend, and you his. Yes, friend. But you didn’t speak it out.

“When I found out that you were a journalist, I immediately thought great, I need to introduce you to my sister!... But journalists also destroyed my life by writing articles not only about my dad’s crimes, but also about me,” Jaehyun explained, and you nodded, knowing it was about the mystery incident he had yet to tell you. “My sister never lost focus of her dream though. She told me she wanted to be one of the good ones, no defamation, always after the truth. So when you told me you were one of these people too, I thought that maybe, I can trust you after all, even with my life.”

“And you can!” You touched his arm in a gesture of comfort, and although his eyes widened, he didn’t pull away. “I stand by what we’ve promised to each other. I won’t publish anything without your consent. And if there is anything in the past that I have to clear up for you and your family, I will do so too.”

“Mhmm.” You saw him struggling through his mien, but he didn’t respond, apparently still needing to make his mind up. If so, you let him. 

“So, what do you study? You never told me.”

“Nothing.” He heaved his shoulders and slowly dropped them again.

You frowned. “But didn’t you-”

“I dropped out last semester right after the incident.”

“But your mo-”

“- doesn’t know. Neither does my sister.”

You didn’t want to judge, that was not your job, as a journalist and as a friend. So you asked, “Why?” although you could most likely already make out the answer.

“We can’t afford it as of right now, so I’m postponing my graduation. I definitely want to return, but as always, it boils down to money,” Jaehyun clarified. “I want to do it better than my father. I want to found my own company too and provide to my family the life they deserve. Even if the path to this aim might not be all legal, I promised to myself to leave this part of me behind once I’m there.”

“...And I will do everything in my might to win every race for as long as we’re working together, Jaehyun.”

“For my sister? Or for your story?”

“Not only for me, but also for your sister,” you repeated, “for your mom and for y-”

You swallowed the last part, but the way his features softened suddenly, he might have understood nonetheless, and it made your heart flutter. Perhaps, in his eyes, you were now friends as well.

____

“There is nothing personal in this story.”

You felt defeated. You had hoped, with handing in your first draft, your editor-in-chief would be totally invested in the story as well, encouraging you to continue and maybe even compliment you on the premise. Instead, while reading through all the pages with you sitting anxiously in front of him, his facial expression had fallen more and more.

“What do you mean?”

“The beginning is very intriguing with you sitting in the car, racing with him. It’s perfect, the reader gets thrown right into the story. But after that?” He shrugged and threw the papers back on his desk. “Nothing. No feelings, no emotions, just scenery description and a lot of theoretical stuff. Nobody cares about how the navigation system works or how the cars are tuned.”

“Oh, I thought it might be interesting to read how the team stays connected and what makes the cars so special.”

“Nobody cares,” he retorted dryly. “That’s not the stories people like to read. They can google all that stuff.”

Although it hurt your feelings, you had to silently admit that he was right. You hadn't given much away in the article about how Yuta worked behind the scenes or what the navigation system was really capable of according to Taeyong, but had to google a lot of things yourself too. You had wanted to give as little personal details away as possible, but apparently, it was too less. Your article was just boring.

“There is no common thread,” he criticized sharply. “Do you want to write about yourself being involved, about the sports in common or about the Falcon? Because right now, it’s all of this and nothing at the same time. If you’re that involved, write about what you do, how you learned it, about your feelings during the races. If you write about the sports, interview other teams, the spectators, dive into the history. If you center the plot around the Falcon, what’s his background, what does he race for, what’s his aim?”

You exactly sensed which direction he wanted to push you. “I’ll write abo-”

“I think,” he cut you off, “if you want to make it a headliner, you have to focus on the Falcon.” There it was. “Why did the Falcon really pause for so long? Is it true that he had caused an accident during a race? What really happened back then? How did he regain his fame? What made people change their minds? And most importantly, is he going to win and what will he do with the prize money? These are the questions that intrigues the reader. They want emotions, passion, they need to feel something while reason. Right now, everything I’m feeling is my hunger since it’s almost lunchtime.”

You purposely overheard his subtle taunt. “Those are very personal questions that he doesn’t want to talk about.”

“Well, then make him.”

You kept it to yourself that you already knew most answers. “As journalists, we also have to respect the people’s privacy and opinions.”

“Then make the entire story anonymous with all the personal information gathered,” he proposed. “It’s not less personal, but no names are given away.”

“I already plan on doing that.”

“So what’s the problem?” 

”People will still know, that’s how known he is. I cannot reveal things he doesn’t want me to reveal.”

Either way, anonymous, with his alias or even real name written in the article - it would hurt him all the same. It was his personal story, his family, his friends. It made him beautifully human, but also painfully fragile. It was his story to tell when the time was right, when he decided to do so, not you.

“Very well.” Your boss got up from his seat and took his jacket. “You can publish it like this if you want. I guess for a nice closing story at the end of the magazine, it's enough.”

For the first time in your life, you were having a clash of interest. There it was in front of you, your dream job position, so close if you were only selfish enough. And behind you stood the man whose trust you had just gained, begging you to respect his past wounds. What would you do?

____

It wasn’t easy, balancing racing by night and working by day. Oftentimes, you didn’t get more than four hours of sleep, spending time at home after work just to shower, change and then leave for a race again. You didn’t complain. You never did, because you enjoyed it very much. The newly formed friendship between you and Jaehyun’s team was something that brightened up your day as you had never experienced this kind of bond before. But you also didn’t leave your aim out of sight.

With Jaehyun’s rising popularity though also came people who voiced out their doubts about him even louder. You had just finished this night’s race and were waiting for Jaehyun to take you home, already looking forward to a bit of alone time with him, when you overheard a group of young men passing by.

“I don’t care what others think or whether he’s popular,” one of them said. “As long as he’s staying silent, he’s guilty in my book.”

“In mine too,” the second chimed in. “Why has he never said anything on that topic? And now, only because he’s winning so often and challenged the Cheetah, everybody seems to have forgotten about it? Bullshit.”

Your fingers clenched by the time the third one commented, “Don’t worry guys, he’ll fall out of grace as far as he has fallen. It’s always like this.”

“Hey!” Now, you couldn’t listen to this conversation any longer and stepped out of your dark corner. “Do you feel proud, talking like this about a person you don’t know?”

They stopped in their tracks and turned around to you. “And who are you?”

“Oh, I think she’s their navigator!”

One of them stepped in front of you and grinned. “Then, you must know the truth if you’re in the team and fight for him so desperately, right?”

The other two followed suit and laughed in unison. “Or are you in love with him and would defend him even though he’s guilty?”

You realized that you actually didn’t care about the truth anymore. You didn’t care when or whether Jaehyun would tell you one day at all. But that didn’t withhold you from defending him like your life depended on it. Someone who loved his family and friends so dearly, who always paid much attention to the street and passerbyers, who had to talk you into taking a detour just because there was a crowd of people he had to race by… you would always defend your racer.

“The truth is none of your business,” you said confidently. “Do I ask about what mistakes you’ve made? A person I do not know personally? What has this got anything to do with his performance anyway? Either you bet on him or you don’t, but nobody forces you. He doesn’t need your dumbass opinions to win, he doesn’t even know who you are.”

“Hey…”

You couldn’t tell who had spoken up, but you didn’t care much as you just hit your stride. “How about you get in the car and try to do the things these racers do? I bet you wouldn’t even last a few minutes on these streets. It must be so peaceful, watching from the sidelines with your big mouths as long as you’re not the ones in action, am I right?”

“Hey!”

Little did you know that the voice had come from behind you. Only when you felt an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to a chest whose scent smelled very familiar, it dawned on you that no one in the group had tried to speak up, but it had been Jaehyun who was standing behind you, most likely all this time already.

But he wasn’t mad, even though your cheeks were burning. “Listen to my girl. If you dare to raise your voice against her again, you’ll be the ones the newspapers will be writing about the next day. Understood? Now, good riddance.” One opened their mouth to retort, but Jaehyun didn’t let him. “I SAID GOOD RIDDANCE!”

They were out of your sight quicker than you could process, and Jaehyun let go of your shoulder the same moment. 

“Come,” he urged you, and you silently followed him to the car. “I have to show you something.”

After you were driving for a little while all in awkward silence, you finally dared to ask, “Where are we going?”

“I’ll show you the truth.”

From the way his lollipop clicked against his teeth, you could only sense Jaehyun’s anxiety, and you wondered what got him so worked up even though he had won the race. You could only think of one reason. Perhaps, today was the day.

“Does it have something to do with what happened back then?”

“Yes.”

“Did I say something wrong earlier?”

Immediately, the clicking noises stopped, but he gripped the steering wheel even tighter. “You’ve gotten everything wrong.”

Your stomach dropped and you suddenly felt so nauseous. “Jaehyun… what was wrong about it?”

He was visibly upset now. “How can you say all these things about me?”

“These.. things? What did I say that was wrong? I don’t understand. I meant every word and I don’t care whether you heard them or not, because they are the truth.”

“You don’t know the truth.” He added, “Yet.”

“Even if… There was nothing wrong with what I said. You don’t need them to win, you don’t need spectators and betters. You only need yourself and your team. Everything else doesn’t matter.”

He didn’t reply, but kept his eyes fixated on the street in front of him. Not much talking, but many kilometers later, you suddenly came to a halt in a narrow street under a light post in a quiet neighborhood in the suburbs. To your left and right were single family houses and nobody was in your field of vision at this ungodly hour.

“Is this…?”

He took the lollipop out of his mouth and inhaled deeply. “This is where it happened.”

“Oh. Jaehyun…” You had been prepared to be taken here, but now that you were actually at the location, you didn’t know what to say.

“This is the spot where I collided with a pedestrian.” Even though he didn’t stutter or pause, you still realized how much mental strength it had taken him to not only bring you here, but to also speak about the incident - probably for the first time ever since it had happened. “He didn’t die on the spot. He survived, actually. That much, I know after I asked around in the hospital. I don’t know who he was, where he was going, whether he had family or other people who cared. I just called for an ambulance, drove my car away and remained hidden until they arrived. Then, I fled. This is the truth.”

You couldn’t deny that you were relieved he didn’t do a hit and run. You were also relieved that nobody had died and that the truth behind the accident was something that wouldn’t shake your friendship to the core. Of course it was bad, and he knew it himself. He’d always known and deeply regretted it, every single day. You saw it clearly now.

“I believe you.”

In moments of panic, humans were indeed most likely to do things they were not proud of, things totally wrong they wished to change later if only they could travel back in time. Things, they would have handled differently if they hadn’t panicked or were too scared. Jaehyun wasn’t an exception, although the baggage he had to carry was heavier than most else’s.

Humans were not perfect. For him, it all started with his not so perfect father and the not so perfect life he was living, leading him to do not so perfect things to save what was still salvageable. 

“For one hot minute,” Jaehyun continued, “I really thought about leaving him there and fleeing as fast as possible. I couldn’t go to jail like my father and leave my mom and sister all to themselves, dropping them entirely too. I couldn’t get caught, so I did my best to prevent this.” He laughed, bitterly. “After all, I am what people think of me. So your words mean nothing.”

“My words mean nothing?” It hurt. “It’s easy to tell someone how to behave when the incident has already taken place. But at the end of the day, we can never be sure how we, ourselves, would have reacted or what we would have thought at that moment. You thought about your mom and sister, but you thought about the accident victim too. You wanted to do the best for both. So you reacted accordingly to what was best in your mind.”

“Still, I’m not the person you painted me to be. I nearly killed someone in a race. And you know why? Because I thought taking a shortcut through a neighborhood would make me win the race back then. It’s not forbidden, but this is the reason we racers usually never do that.”

That was why he had been so reluctant to go through your neighborhood at your very first accidental race together. And he still wouldn’t, no matter how much he trusted you. What had happened back then was still sitting deep within him - justifiably.

“I am running illegal races with you,” you started. “I have always known that you wouldn’t work with the law. And I am neither! So what does that make us?”

He sank his head and placed his hands on his lap. “You speak so highly of me, but in reality, I am a very bad person.”

“You’ve introduced me to your sister and mother, Jaehyun. If this is where a bad person grows up, then the entire world is rotten and beyond the point of saving. But people like you give me hope.”

“Why would a person like me give you hope?”

“Because, despite your situation, you still have so much love inside of you that expresses itself in so many forms. That’s why you’re loved too, by many people.”

Silence engulfed you, and you thought that Jaehyun would drive away after sometime again, but he didn’t, so you accompanied him in this quietness as long as it helped him process the past.

“You know why I wanted to take this shortcut?” he eventually spoke up quietly, and you shook your head. “Because I wanted to end the race abruptly and rush home… That night, my sister got very sick and my mom wasn’t home. I already announced that I would drop out before it happened.”

That was something the newspapers and no one else had ever mentioned. Of course, people always focus on sensational facts. It was easier to tell a story and transfer emotions when the main feeling an article would lure out was hate against someone. 

It still had been a crime, this was a fact. And he could still go to jail for that. But you believed that the man who cared about his family so much and who was able to care about strangers too, was still very much haunted by his past, far more than he wanted to let slip through his facade. 

If he hadn’t had a family to take care of, things would be entirely different. But he trusted you enough now to tell you all this and not fear that you would go behind his back.

My girl… you remembered. Had he truly meant it? Had you proven to him your undeniable loyalty just earlier?

“Jaehyun…”

Slowly, your hand wandered to his lap on top of his. Against your expectations, he grabbed yours and squeezed it tightly.

____

When Jaehyun wanted to drop you off at your building much later, the tension between you was still palpable, and you didn’t know how to make it vanish. 

Perhaps, only time was needed - for him to believe that nothing had changed between you, and for you to settle with the fact that the guy who caused your heart to jump, just only a little bit, had done something grave in the past that you had to work through as well. After all, it still had been a crime.

“Jaehyun…” You wanted to end the night on a positive note, but he didn’t let you finish the sentence.

“Our ways will part here and now.”

You thought you had misheard. “Pardon?”

“I can’t demand a goody two-shoes like you to help a criminal like me,” he said coldly and stiffened in his seat. “And I surely won’t help a goody two-shoes like you write about my criminal record anymore now that the truth was inevitable to come forward with. So it ends here. Now.”

You knew where this rooted from: doubt and guilt. But during your entire career path, you had dealt with a lot of people who suddenly changed their minds on a topic or got cold feet.

“That won’t happen, Jaehyun,” you claimed. “You don’t have another navigator as good as me, no one and nothing can come close to the connection that you and I have.”

“It’ll be fine,” he obliged. “Now, go.”

“No,” you refused. “I will stay.”

“I SAID GO!”

“AND I SAID I WILL STAY!”

“Gosh!” he yelled. “Why can’t you be obedient for once towards me and leave before I hurt you too?!”

You both froze when it dawned on you what he had just said. You almost didn’t dare, yet you had to make sure that what he had said was indeed real.

“You’re afraid to hurt me?”

“I deceive my mom when it comes down to my activities and my studies. If she ever finds out, she’ll be hurt. I hurt my sister by not always being there for her whenever she needs me. I hurt my team for expecting them to be there for me although they have their own struggles. And I hurt you, because I cannot be the person you expect me to be. I only hurt the people I love.”

You took a deep breather and waited a few heartbeats in case Jaehyun wanted to chase you away again. But he didn’t. He just sat there in the driver’s seat, shoulders slumped, bangs messily falling into his eyes and the lollipop stick not moving a bit. 

“You want to protect your overworked mom from more worries, you want to provide a good future for your sister, and you split the win evenly among the team for them to help their families too. If I don’t expect a friend to be exactly like this, then what else?” you confessed.

But Jaehyun didn’t like this answer, it was written all over his face. You were scared that you had said something wrong.

“Friends?” he suddenly croaked.

“Yeah, friends,” you repeated slowly. “Aren’t we… friends?”

You had seen him as your friend all along, though one who made your cheeks warm when he called you “my girl” and your heart swell when he touched you. But now, it hurt you that he had never felt even the slightest of the same connection. Fair enough, everyone needed their own space, and with Jaehyun’s past, it was his own right to decide whether to ever make friends again.

You had just hoped…

Cherry.

That was the taste of Jaehyun’s lollipop, he never chose another flavor.

Though, it tasted different from his own lips than from the candy directly.

You were asking yourself how this sweet taste could calm him down when all it did to you at this moment was making your heart race and nearly jump out of your chest. Perhaps, because this time, you tasted the lollipop’s sweetness on his tongue rather than in your own mouth, and he made sure that you experienced every taste bud this flavor had to offer. 

Lollipops were very sweet already, and although Jaehyun was a fast and restless street racer, his kisses were much sweeter than candy. Admittedly, you hadn’t expected him to possess this side, but now that you thought about it, the signs had already been there whenever you observed him eating the candy.

Jaehyun’s fingers curled on your back when you motioned forward, away from your seat and more into his welcoming hug. The dashboard between you hindered you from embracing fully, causing you both to giggle at some point, but you continued kissing with your arms slung around his neck, for very long even after the cherry taste had vanished.

You weren’t hurt anymore over the fact that Jaehyun didn’t see you as his friend. You had never been friends. You had always been more than that.

____

Jaehyun’s victim had been a 45-year-old party chairman - that much you had found out through your connection to different journalists and a few demanding calls. The fact that after the incident, only silence followed and no details were revealed, not even about the gender and the age of the victim, had gotten your alarm bells ringing. And now you knew why. 

A famous politician involved in a street racing accident, but no one had mentioned his name? Something was not right with this story, you didn’t need to be a professional to recognize this.

“I need his record,” you then said at the hospital’s reception. 

Your editor-in-chief had given you this employee’s contact, assuring you she was more lenient in data protection when she saw the right amount of money. And your boss had been very happy to pay her the requested amount the moment you told him what you were after.

“This is exactly the kind of story I was looking for,” he had complimented you. “Good job. Now, go after it.”

You had left the building right away, making your way to the hospital the chairman had been admitted to after the accident.

“Here is a copy of his record,” the woman at the reception whispered to you. “All is well, he got out after two weeks. There is one interesting thing though… but look for yourself.”

“Thank you.”

You took the papers, and too excited to drive all the way back to the office, you looked through them right then and there after having found a quiet spot in the waiting room.

There was nothing abnormal at first for a car accident. It had left him with deep grazes, a dislocated arm, two broken ribs and a concussion. It sounded quite bad, but very mild for the fact that a car had hit him, and not at all life-threatening. So the accident had not been that severe as Jaehyun had made out to be in his panic.

Perhaps, that was the reason the party chairman had never been named in the news. But on the other hand… newspapers got to write articles about important politicians all the time, and just this once, his name had been left out? This didn’t sound like something a newspaper would do under these circumstances. 

The more important the name, the more clicks and sales the news generated. They must have been bribed to keep his name entirely out of all news revolving around this incident. You were wondering yourself why. Given all facts, no matter how macabre it sounded, this kind of accident would even play into the party’s hands. 

A very important politician who got hit by a street racer and admitted to the hospital with fractures? It would even be a headliner with the conclusion to go harder after such illegal activities.

Everything just doesn’t sound right. Something was being kept buried that no one should know about and could possibly threaten the party’s reputation. That much, you were already sure of.

… but what could it be?

You gasped when your eyes passed the passage that gave you a single answer to all your questions.

Patient was heavily intoxicated.

Whether it were drugs or alcohol, you didn’t know. But you were going to find out soon as you returned back to the office and made a call to the police.

____

“How high is the possibility that this program is actually a virus?” you asked and looked over Yuta’s shoulder who was currently typing something into his laptop. 

“Very low, but it’s still new, so we never know what will happen anyway,” Taeyong answered on his friend’s behalf and stretched out on Yuta’s bed in whose home you had  all gathered today. “Can’t you detect it if it’s one?”

“What do you think I’m currently trying to do here?” Yuta rolled his eyes. “I’m a programming student, not a wizard.”

“Okay, sorry? Jeez.”

“Doyoung said that with this program, you will also get the coordinates of all cars in your ten kilometer radius that use a GPS, so you can plan the route and the car’s speed even more predictively,” Yuta explained instead. “I’m still trying to figure out how.”

“The race is in two weeks. You should hurry.”

“I know, Taeyong. You think these last weeks I’ve only been sitting around?” Yuta gave his friend a scowl. “If it’s a new program, even used before its beta phase, it’s not so easy.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Okay, enough guys!” you interrupted their bickering. “Taeyong let Yuta work and peace and rather go through the city's plan for next week with me to mark all new construction sites, okay?”

In unison, they both said, “Fine.”

Taeyong turned to you while you started your own laptop to leave Yuta alone, and Jaehyun and Johnny were currently outside to maintain his car. You felt so included like never before in your life.

You’ve always said you didn’t grow up with a family. But sometimes, a family wasn’t something that you necessarily grew up with. Family also didn’t need to be bonded by blood. Sometimes, you lost family along the way, sometimes you gained one. And everyone would always welcome you into their family.

In your case, you gained a family in the form of a strong friendship that you had never experienced before in your life. Sitting here, analyzing maps with Taeyong while Yuta was silently typing away and Johnny and Jaehyun would soon come upstairs to talk about the next race after which you would all order food and then watch a movie together…

This was your own definition of family. This feeling of being cared for, trusted and loved without expecting anything in return, so much that it almost felt like your heart was going to burst. Your team was your family.

“I want to show you a place,” Jaehyun said when you were sitting in his car when all the work was done later that evening.

“Don’t you need to go home as usual?”

“My sister is having a sleepover at a friend’s house.” He smiled. “So I think my mom will enjoy a little more alone time to rest better.”

“Okay, then let’s go!”

Jaehyun stopped the car only much later after you had driven up a mound with a path so narrow, you feared the vehicle wouldn’t make it despite all its tuning. But against your expectations, you arrived at the top in that very same car, and the view over the entire city was splendid.

“I didn’t know such a place existed!” you called out and ran around the viewing place. “Jaehyun, I can see the entire city, and we’re not even on a mountain!”

“Do you like it?” he asked, following suit.

“I love it!”

“And I-”

“Hm?” You turned around to him with the biggest smile on your face. “What is it?”

He shook his head with a soft look on his face. “Nothing.” Then, he stepped close to you and hugged you from behind. “I’m happy you love it. It’s my favorite place. After the incident with my father happened, my sister and I came here a lot, because it made us forget reality for quite a while.”

“Thank you for sharing this special place with me.” You felt him kissing the nape of your neck and you shuddered pleasantly. “It really means a lot.”

The true meaning of it was revealed to you by him right after, “I spent most of the time here before my comeback. I wanted to give up on racing entirely. One night, I didn’t come home and my sister went to look for me which took her all night. I lost track of time, and I probably felt so ashamed returning to my family. When My sister found me here at the early hours of dawn, looking like a ghost and having cried all the way to this place, I knew that I had to do everything to protect my family. That’s when I dropped out of university and decided to race again. One day, I don’t want to do this anymore. One day, I’ll be free.”

You loosened yourself from his hug, shifted around and embraced him now from the front, body to body. “You’ll be one day, Jaehyun.” He gently brushed his fingers through your hair. “One day, you can provide your family the life they deserve and can finally live the one you have dreamed about as well.”

“But do I deserve it after everything that I’ve done?” He sounded full of doubts. “I’m not sure.”

You responded, quite confidently, “You do.”

“Actually,” Jaehyun changed the topic, “This car was my dad’s. He owned two, a big, elegant one to show off at work, and this one for his free time. It’s the only thing that was left, because it was registered to my mom’s name before I changed it to mine.”

You were curious about one topic. “Why did you never sell it? You only started racing after his arrest, right? Why have you never exchanged it for money?”

“I thought about it, a lot, in fact,” he clarified. “Maintaining a car is a very expensive hobby, after all. Apart from the fact that races became my source of income as it makes money fast and much, I think a part of me can’t also fully let go of my father.” He chuckled, but rather bitter and full of regret. “Isn’t it ironic? I think of it like my father repaying the debts he caused. It's satisfying.”

A wicked thought, but you liked the way he thought about it.

“Hey,” you then said, grinning, “do you want to get back at him once more?”

____

“Close your mouth and suck.”

This time, Jaehyun didn’t mean the lollipop he had put into your mouth, but something entirely else. 

Luckily, the front seats of his car were able to be raised back all the way, so he was now lying almost flat on his back, his hands gently but determinedly having guided your head to his loin while you were sitting between his angled legs. You did as you had been told and sucked him off like a lollipop. 

Your arms were propped up against the edges of the seat with your head bobbing up and down in a regular rhythm, but your tongue did the most work whenever you paused your neck movements just to indulge him with your proficiency.

“Jesus Christ,” Jaehyun cursed and put his forearm over his face so that his facial expressions would be hidden from you. It was like he didn’t want you to know how much control you had over him, but this was for no avail anyway as his swearing gave it all away, “No fucking way…”

It was certainly not your first time sucking him off, so it wasn’t like you didn’t know what he looked like enjoying this kind of pleasure. You found it rather cute how he still thought he could hide this side of him from you. 

Your tongue rolled over the tip of his dick, leaving a trace of saliva where it passed. Making sure you covered every angle with your motions, you halted them when you opened your mouth entirely and slowly took in the majority of his length until you felt like you couldn’t do more.

Jaehyun let out a groan that made you smile inwardly, and it only got louder when you let him pass by your lips, but didn’t let him slip out entirely. Instead, you sucked on the tip like the cherry lollipop he often offered you. 

You made sure to alternate between sucking and taking him into your mouth almost entirely, and when your left hand wandered to his warm thigh, you felt how tense he had become due to the arousal you made him feel. Instead of letting your hand go back though, Jaehyun stretched out his own to grab your fingers and intertwined them.

His nails dug into your skin and his thighs became very tense, closing around the sides of your face when his release was near. He came in a long spur directly into your mouth, and you swallowed it all down, including cleaning him up - with your tongue of course.

Jaehyun reached out to your face while you were licking over your lips, and you smiled at each other before his own gradually grew more wicked.

“You know what?”

“What?” You wiped with the back of your hand over your lips.

“I also never had sex in this car. Wanna change that?”

He didn’t need to ask twice.

Although it was still very narrow in the vehicle, Jaehyun had swiftly managed to change your positions so that you were now lying underneath him and he was kneeling in front of you in a crouched position. You giggled amusedly when you watched him taking off his shirt as he tried to do so without bumping into anything, but this had been an impossible task from the very beginning. Luckily, you had undressed yourself before already, so that he didn’t need to take care of that part too.

You assumed Jaehyun still needed a bit of time until he could go in fully again, but what would come before that, you had never expected. Your fingers were desperately gripping onto the door handle while your other hand was holding onto the seat belt that slowly dug into your flesh. But this slight pain passed by you almost unnoticeably when another feeling had taken control over your entire body and mind already.

You had already experienced how skillful Jaehyun was with his tongue whenever you kissed, which was long before indicated by the way he played with lollipops in his mouth. Of course he would put this skill into use elsewhere too. 

But that he would be this good… You shuddered again when you came the second time in the span of a few minutes after Jaehyun had draped his hot, wet tongue all along your folds, causing your back to lift off from the seat and moaning his name over and over again.

And even then, he didn’t stop. He came to face you after cleaning off his mouth, and kissed you for a long time until you had entirely calmed down before he crawled back to his original position and squeezed his fingers into your bum again to bring it closer to his face. 

With the tip of his tongue, he searched for the sensitive bundle of nerves, and you indicated that he had found it when you let out a light squeal. His lips enclosed the bud and you felt all your blood vanishing from your face when he started sucking on it. Oh god, you thought to yourself, you were surely going to pass out.

But he didn’t let you cum this time. Before you released, Jaehyun stopped and flipped you onto your stomach as swiftly as the narrow space allowed him to. Instinctively, you had already brought your bum up to give him better access, and you bit down into the flesh of your arm on which you had your chin rested when you felt him sliding into you from behind in one long motion.

The sound of his groin slapping against your cheeks mixed with your moans filled the car, and luckily, you had been the only ones on this view point at such a later hour. You had only had sex with Jaehyun once in your home, and you had never defined what that was between you. Maybe, you were too dense to speak it out and too naive to actually believe it, but you loved him.

Ironically, you only realized that when you decided to change positions and Jaehyun was constantly bumping his head on the ceiling and you got on top. You were settled on his hips, his length buried deep inside you, but you didn’t move yet.

You let your fingertips wander over his chest, taking your time, and he suddenly grabbed them, led them to his mouth and kissed the tips. When you gazes locked, you were sure. 

Yes, you loved him. With all his flaws, his burdens and his past. Perhaps, you had never experienced this kind of love, which was why you had always been reluctant and unsure, but if this wasn’t love, you didn’t know what was. You just hoped that at one point, he would come to feel this way about you too.

“What is it?” he asked with worry when you made no intention of continuing. “Is something wrong? You want to stop?”

But you shook your head. “It’s just… I don’t want this moment to pass.”

Even in the semi-darkness, you encountered Jaehyun’s smile. “I feel the same way.”

Slowly, you raised your hips and slowly came back down to his groin. Jaehyun tried very hard to remain in eye contact with you, but when you did that several times more, he lost his composure again. You propped your hands up against his hard chest and picked up your pace, slamming onto him over and over again in a fast pace.

When you ran out of breath, you alternated the fast motions with sitting on his lap and just letting your hips rotate in different directions and forms, which very much pleased Jaehyun as well by the way he didn’t stop moaning at this part as well.

With time though, your stamina gave in, you slumped over him, eventually let yourself fall onto his chest, because you were too exhausted to go on anymore.

“Want me to finish?” he asked and stroked your shoulder to which you could only give a slight nod.

He kept you locked to his hips with his hands holding onto your sides very tightly and started thrusting upwards. You felt like he had knocked all the air out of your lungs, that was much much power he still possessed. Luckily, for you, you didn’t need to do anything anymore.

He was holding you as you laid on top of him, biting into his shoulder as he thrusted in and out of you with much force, which you really liked. Your thighs tensed around his sides and you whimpered gibberish into his ear, so close to cumming again.

Jaehyun let you release yourself first with a suppressed scream that partly still found a way to escape your lips, and your entire body shook as you felt your high flooding to every fiber of your body. He himself didn’t take much longer and you held him while he experienced his own orgasm, pressing you so close to him as though he was afraid of being parted from you ever again.

When you were getting dressed, he suddenly dropped, “I could get used to it.”

“Doing nasty things in your dad’s old car?” you joked.

But his expression remained serious. “No.”

You didn’t know what he meant.

____

You had written two different versions of Jaehyun’s story.

The first was the one he had read himself and approved of. There were only a few details and personal information sprinkled in here and there about the Falcon while you were trying to fill the emotional gaps with anecdotes and quotes from the other team members under an alias that they were willing to share. You were even successful in interviewing a few spectators and it would include the outcome of the race. 

Overall, the less personal and official version gave a good overview over this illegal sport, and you were truly satisfied with this tame version. It was sufficient enough, intriguing enough and informative as well as emotional enough. At other magazines, the story would have made the headlines, you were sure of that. But for the magazine you worked for, enough was only good enough. You had to be better than enough, you had to exceed.

With this version of the Falcon’s story, you certainly weren’t. It wasn’t headline-material like your editor-in-chief expected after all the work you had put into it.

So you had written another version of this story. 

One in which you talked about the Falcon’s past, his family, what had really happened back then before his career arose again and the relationships between you all. Yes, even between the two of you. And you had even come forward with the truth about the politician after hard research. This version of the story was personal and vulnerable, and it was the truth.

Jaehyun had gotten to read it as the first and only one. 

“It wasn’t.. entirely my fault?” he had asked in disbelief when you gave him the story to read.

You had wanted to wait until you had gotten your facts straight, had enough proof, and then came over to his house to lay it out all in front of him. First, you were unsure whether he would like it, to have had you dig deep into his past. 

But if he came to hate you and started to hate himself less instead, then it would have been worth it nonetheless. From one moment to the other though, you clearly saw in his eyes how much of a burden got lifted off his shoulder. Sure, the fact that the politician had been intoxicated didn’t change the fact that Jaehyun was way over the tempo limit, but he hadn’t been the only one at fault.

The politician had been intoxicated with drugs to the point of not being able to walk properly and had remained in the middle of the street, too far gone to think and speak straightly when Jaehyun had passed by.

“No, it wasn’t entirely your fault,” you assured him.

And with that certainty, you both decided to move past this as this case - to both parties luck, fortunately - had long been decided to be buried under the rug anyway. 

Jaehyun didn’t come to hate you, you felt it in the way he hugged you close and never seemed to let you go after this revelation. He was, in fact, utterly grateful that you had never let go of this topic.

It was a step closer to him being free. From the very beginning, you knew which version you would publish after the race against the Cheetah. You had begged your boss to postpone the release for another month for you to include this race, and he had happily agreed - even to hold off the senior editor position.

____

“Are you nervous?”

You looked at Taeyong who took the seat next to you. Somehow, you weren’t nervous at all, even though tonight was Jaehyun’s big race against the Cheetah with so much money involved unlike ever before.

Later, you would also finish up the story with the outcome of the race and send it over still this night for the entire country to read. Perhaps, you were more nervous about this than the competition itself since you fully trusted your gained skills and Jaehyun himself. You wouldn’t treat this other than all the races before.

“I’m cool so far,” you said. “I just don’t know if it’s good or bad.”

“I hope it’s good. Jaehyun is probably more nervous than he lets slip.”

“I can hear you.” It was Jaehyun’s voice through your headsets.

“Good!” Taeyong exclaimed. “This wasn’t supposed to be a secret.”

You giggled just in the moment Yuta came over to you and put a usb on your desk. Just a few days before, you both had figured out how the new navigation system worked. 

“Just plug it in and do as I told you.”

You nodded and reached for the stick. There were only ten minutes remaining. You had never seen this many people wanting to watch a race before and the tension was sizzling, not only between the teams, but between the spectators too. As far as you had heard, the bets were almost equally split as though no one could decide who would win in their eyes. The Cheetah’s team was in another building, and you wondered whether they were still nervous with the amount of times they had already won so war.

“Hey,” you suddenly heard Jaehyun through the headphones.

“Yes?”

Apparently, he had muted himself for Taeyong since he didn’t respond, but typed something into the computer and then turned around to talk to Johnny and Yuta.

“If something happens,” Jaehyun spoke, “no matter what, will you be with me until the end?”

“Of course.”

“No, I mean it.”

You frowned. “Mean what?”

He sighed deeply as if he was struggling inwardly trying to find the right words. “Will you be with me… until the end?”

“Of course!” you replied happily.

“No! I mean... shit.”

What did he want? “I don’t get it.” 

“I love you.”

You were stunned. 

It was the first time he had said this to you. The first time someone had said this to you. For how long had he been feeling this way already? Was there a chance he’d been in love with you for as long as you loved him too? You were long lost for words and before you could even inhale to say something back, Taeyong was by your side again.

“You guys ready?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun answered quickly as though nothing had ever happened.

“Then get ready.”

____

The moment the race started, you got to witness with your own eyes why the Cheetah was called the Cheetah. Jaehyun was already a remarkable racer, but his rival was immaculate. 

You wouldn’t be Jaehyun’s navigator though if you hadn’t grown together throughout the past weeks. You were his additional eyes, ears and mind. Whatever he lacked or hadn't perfected, you carried out together, making him even stronger so that as of right now, he could easily take it on the Cheetah. You were going to win, that was how much trust you had in you both.

Midway through the race though, which was a real head-to-head contest that had eventually shaken off a part of your tranquility and replaced it with a bit of nervousness because of a few instances from which you quickly recovered nonetheless, Jaehyun started to panic.

“Shit, we didn’t see this coming!” 

He complained about a construction site that had not been on your screen, but only popped up now. As of this instance, he was in advance, being in front of the Cheetah. Now, it was on you for how long he could hold that position.

“Don’t worry,” you tried to calm Jaehyun down while your heart raced almost as fast as the car itself right now. “I got you.”

“Why didn’t the new navigation system that Yuta gave you see it coming?” It sounded almost like an accusation and Taeyong shot a meaningful look at you from the side. “There are construction vehicles all around it!”

“Hey.” You didn’t raise your voice, you just wanted Jaehyun to snap out of his mental deadlock since he was too into it. “Stay calm.”

Sometimes, this happened. And if he was too panicked, he’d lose focus and make mistakes. That was why you were here. By now, you knew how to handle them and not let him irritate you or vice versa.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun had instant regrets. “I just want to win, I need to win.”

“I know. But to win, you have to trust me.”

You could only imagine his fingers gripping onto the steering wheel like his life depended on it, the knuckles first turning red, then white. 

“I can’t lose,” he breathed and repeated like a mantra, “I can’t lose.”

On the screen, you perceived that he wasn’t as fast and sharp with his driving anymore, the Cheetah drawing closer to erase the remaining meters between the two cars. The vehicles appeared on the screen as dots on a map, the two that represented the racing cars now almost melting into one. Your entire team had gathered around you and were listening to you speak, only you and Taeyong knowing the details of your driver’s panic so far. 

“You won’t lose, because I’m here with you, Jaehyun,” you assured him slowly, aware that in such kind of situations, you had to pretend to be calm to keep the driver at peace, even though you were tense as hell too. “It’s me, okay? I love you too, and I will be with you until the end. I know the meaning of this now, and of course I will.”

Silence - not only on the other side of the headset, but also in the hall among your team.

“Please say something,” you addressed to Jaehyun while ignoring all the other members’ grins. “This is kind of really embarrassing now.”

“I-I… I can’t,” he stuttered. “I’m… too happy.”

You smiled. Even though you were only connected via voice and there were other people standing behind you, you felt more connected to Jaehyun like never before. 

“Are you ready to win this game with me now?” you asked him.

You felt his confident grin in every fiber of your body, it had given him the boost he needed. "Absolutely." 

“Hey, we’re here too!” Johnny interrupted you. “What about us?”

“Get lost.” Jaehyun returned back to his grumble, but everyone knew that he didn’t mean it this way.

When you all broke out into a laughter together that lifted off the tension, even just a little bit, you finally felt like you had long reached the finish line. Not in terms of the race, but in terms of other things. 

Trust, friendship and even love.

Because even if you had been among them only for a few weeks, you couldn’t imagine a better feeling than the warmth they caused you to experience right now with Johnny putting his hand on your shoulder in a comforting gesture, Taeyong smiling at you as he pointed at something on the screen, and Yuta rolling his eyes, seemingly not minding, but silently enjoying the entire situation.

This was it. This was your family. There was no deeper connection than you had with your team. You were going to win.

____

And you did.

Jaehyun crossed the finish line first.

Jaehyun won against the Cheetah.

Jaehyun was crowned King of the Streets.

…

But he didn’t last on the throne for long. 

Only eight hours.

____

“King of the Streets” 

… was the headline of your story that you finished late at night and sent over to your editor-in-chief so that it could still be printed for next month’s issue with the intention to be published the morning after.

____

“Congratulations.”

“Pardon?”

You were sitting in your boss’ office, the same chair, the same desk, the same window and the same view in sight. A few weeks ago, this had meant everything to you. You had wanted this, so badly, and you would have done everything for it. Now, it meant nothing anymore.

You hadn’t seen the new issue yet, that was not why you had come here. In your hands, you were holding a notice, but it had got nothing to do with what you had handed in the night before.

“‘King of the Streets’? I couldn’t have thought of a better title.” Your boss the issue in front of your eyes, but you rarely paid attention to it. “It’s great that you went with the way of leaving out the guy’s real name and even the politician’s name. Honestly, if I didn’t know who it was myself, I wouldn’t be able to guess. Now, people will get invested and do some digging. Congratulations on your promotion to senior editor!”

“Pardon?” you repeated.

You hadn’t written about the politician as agreed on. In fact, you had left out the entire storyline about the incident. That was why you had been so sure the story wouldn’t make headlines, and in your hands you were actually holding your resignation notice. You didn’t want to become senior editor. You wanted to quit.

With trembling hands, you reached out to the newest issue and looked at the headline. Indeed, this was your title “King of the Streets” with a stock photo that showed cars by night in front of a skyline. Your breath shortened when you searched for the right page and you felt like the air was being cut in your lungs when you stumbled over the story and started reading.

This was not your article. At least not the one that had been supposed to get published. It was the one only Jaehyun had gotten to read earlier, his very own, personal version. You felt sick in your stomach. How was this possible? Had you been hacked? Had someone secretly gotten access to your laptop?

“I… I sent you this?” Your voice shook with each syllable.

The editor-in-chief nodded. “Only a few minutes before the boring, second one. Of course I went with the first one. Who wouldn’t?”

“I didn’t send you this!” you nearly screamed. “How could you have published this?!”’

“Please calm down, Miss. This was sent from your very own email.”

“Show me,” you demanded and smacked the issue back on the desk. “Show me the mail!”

He sighed deeply and murmured something about short term memory, but you didn’t care much about his shenanigans anymore. Either way, today was the last day you’d ever interact. You’d just leave, what could he possibly do about it?

When your ex-boss shifted the desktop into your direction, you directly noticed, “This is not my work mail.”

It was your usual mailing name from a random provider, but neither your work mail address or your private one. Everything was similar except for the domain, indicating that someone had made this up on purpose.

“Yes, but I figured you might be using another mail, because you weren’t at home or didn’t have access. It was the big competition, so it was possible, right? Aside from that, this is your topic and writing style, even signed with your name. How could I have doubted it? I mean… this is your story after all, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

There was nothing you could say to defend yourself in front of him. You had written this all yourself, and the fact that it had gotten leaked wasn’t his problem.  But someone else’s…

“I have to go,” you said.

“Well, when will you come back? We have to talk about your new position’s details.”

You laughed bitterly and didn’t forget to drop the letter on his desk. “I won’t come back.”

You didn’t care about your belongings. You just grabbed your bag, jacket and laptop and left the office without saying goodbye to anyone. The only thing on your mind right now was that you had to talk to Jaehyun and explain everything to him.

The more surprised you were to find him already sitting in the lobby. You were stunned, but as you continued your movements towards him, Jaehyun looked up, and your blood froze. He wore the biggest scowl on his face, and hidden behind it was the one emotion that hurt you the most: disappointment.

“Jaeh-”

“How could you?!” he yelled and arose from the coach, but he didn’t approach you. “I trusted you!”

You were assured it wasn’t because he was afraid he'd lose himself. He just couldn’t look you in the eyes as disappointment came forward more and more, revealing his true feelings. He couldn’t keep the angry facade up for much longer upon meeting you, the person he loved. But you still saw. Jaehyun was utterly hurt, and it was caused by this very same person.

You didn’t need to explain yourself, it wouldn’t change anything. You had betrayed and disappointed him like his father had, and there was no excuse for it. His entire past and deepest conflits had just been revealed to the country, and even though it wasn’t you who had published the story, you were the one who had written it.

Telling Jaehyun that it hadn’t been sent in by you wouldn’t change a single thing. The deed had already been done and there was no going back. You were just another person he had entirely lost faith and trust in, and there was no way for it to be restored. At least not right now, not immediately.

Jaehyun clenched his fists and pressed through gritted teeth, “You promised to me, I trusted you.”

Every syllable he directed at you pierced directly through your heart. You shouldn’t have written anything in the first place, it should have just stayed between the two of you. What had you thought while writing all of this? That you were doing him a favor? For what? No, it wouldn’t change anything, and it wouldn’t make him less sad and disappointed if he knew that you weren’t the person who had published it.

So you simply said, “I’m sorry, I should have never written this story.” 

“I’ve always known you journalists were selfish bastards after all,” he hissed.

No heartbreak that you had ever experienced before came close to what you were feeling right now. At this point, you thought that you had been left by so many people in your life that you would need to entirely shut down.

Jaehyun didn’t speak it out, but you certainly sensed that he was going to leave you now, too. This was what you got for always being so nosy, for wanting so much and giving everything for it. In the end, when you reached your aim, everything didn’t matter when you lost every person that meant the world to you along the way.

“Get lost! Keep out of my sight and don’t ever dare talking to me again!”

When Jaehyun turned around without looking at you one more time, it felt like you were dying. So many people had walked out of your life already, and the man you loved the most being one of them hadn’t been in your book before. But now, it was very much real. It felt hurtfully real.

“Miss, are you okay?” the receptionist asked when she was approaching you.

You hadn’t noticed how your notebook had fallen on the floor, paper flying around everywhere. You were still looking after Jaehyun, petrified, while the young woman started to collect the sheets by your feet, but you barely noticed her. How was one to function, when they had lost what they loved the most?

Not much later, the receptionist was holding your arm after you had broken down crying in the middle of all your belongings. There was no one else anymore who could have emotionally supported you anyway, so who did it now was irrelevant to you.It didn’t help one bit though.

____

“Jiyeong?”

“Can I come in?”

It had been two weeks since Jaehyun had walked out of your life and you quit your job. Every minute of the day, you were hoping that he would come by to talk it all out. Not once had you hoped that his sister would do so instead of him.

“Sure.”

When she took off her shoes, walked past your small entrance and into your room, her eyes widened. “Why the many moving boxes? Are you…”

“I’ll be going away.”

“Where to?”

You smiled, but remained quiet, and Jiyeong immediately understood. 

You didn’t want her to know and no one else either. Not because you were afraid that she or someone else would tell anyone, but because telling anyone at all would open the possibility of getting haunted by your past again. And this time, you just really wanted a clean cut.

“When are you leaving?” she asked instead, not even mildly offended to your relief.

“Next week.”

“I wish you all the best.”

“Thank you, Jiyeong. I really appreciate that.”

“Please don’t say this so easily.” Her expression changed into a pained one. “You’ll hate me from now on.”

“Why would I possibly hate you?”

She didn’t reply immediately, but nervously stepped from one foot on the other. She barely dared to look into your eyes, kneading her fingers nervously. “Because it was me.”

You were confused. “What?”

Even a bit quieter, she confessed, “It was me who sent the story to your boss.”

You were lost for words and still in hope you had heard wrong. “You sent the published story to my magazine that night?”

Slowly, Jiyeong nodded. “Yes. I found the story still open on my brother’s laptop when I went into his room to look for a charger. I couldn’t look past it, I really needed to read it. And it was so beautiful. My brother is just so deeply misunderstood, I was so relieved someone else saw it. So I wanted the entire country to know too.”

It was a lot for you to take in, and you still couldn’t believe this was real. “Did you create a fake mail account in my name and send it to my boss this way?”

“Yes. The mail from you with the article was still open, so it was easy to secure a similar address. I just acted on my personal intentions and disregarded your and my family’s feelings. I didn’t know what I would cause by doing that. I didn’t know I would not only get our mother worried, but hurt my brother and you too. I deeply apologize.”

“Jiyeong…”

���I thought,” she interrupted you, “I thought everyone would finally see my brother the way my mom, I, his friends and you see him. That he’s more than all that people paint him to be, and that the incident back then was different from everyone’s make up story. Never have I thought that I would not only ruin the lives of the people involved too, the least his or yours. I tried to change it up and make it as anonymous as possible, but I’m only writing in school, I don't have any real life experience, I’m still a child. I didn’t want all  that, that was not supposed to happen! What was I thinking?!”

Her voice gradually grew louder and more upset, and when she hit the last sentence, she was close to tears. 

You remembered the time when you were a teenager. There had been some grave mistakes you had made and many words you had said that you would want to have taken back immediately, but the deed had already been done and feelings had been hurt, including yours. Sometimes, the guilt gnawed on you like a parasite that never stopped being hungry.

You had never wanted to become a person who made someone else live with that feeling forever. In front of you just stood a teenage girl who had wanted to do the right thing and who just didn’t know what the right thing was. So you stretched out your arms and pulled her into an embrace. Jiyeon begged you over and over again to not hate her or her brother. You loved both of them dearly, how could you?

When she left after sharing a bottle of ice cream with you to soothe your both shaken up feelings, you also learned that Jaehyun had been informed about Jiyeong’s misconduct directly after he had come home the day the story was published - so two weeks ago.

This entire time, he knew. He had known all along and he never contacted you.

You hoped so badly that Jaehyun would still come. You were even still holding onto the slightest sliver of hope the day you moved away from Seoul, until the moment you closed your empty apartment door behind you.

But he never came.

It was just as you thought: It didn’t change anything, whether you or anyone else had sent in the story. The outcome would have always been the same.

So, if Jaehyun had decided to move on, then you would too.

Even though you had lived one of the best times of your life in that city, now it bearded nothing but a sorrowful past and broken dreams. 

You wanted to move on, too.

____

2 years later

Moving out of a city didn’t simultaneously mean continuing on.

You had first needed to learn how to start life all over again.

It hadn’t been easy to begin again in Daejeon. It had taken quite a bit of time to find an affordable apartment, although the city was much less populated than the capital. It had even taken you much longer to find a job that fitted you more than the last one, and only recently had you settled with a new friend group.

Overall, life was going pretty well for you now.

Were it not for the fact that you still missed Jaehyun with every fiber of your heart.

After your published story, many newspapers had made follow up articles, even leaking the party chairman’s name. Of course he had then been fired from his position and the party would not make it to be one of those with the highest votes anymore. 

Not a word was lost about the Falcon though. It was like he had never existed.

But you knew better.

Jaehyun had stopped street racing entirely and had enrolled back into university for his last year. He had taken the last race’s prize money to pay off the family’s debt - his entire team had left their amount to help him out this time, including you. This had allowed him to sell his car and start working part time in an electric shop. 

It hadn’t been by far as much as he had earned as a racer, but they had made ends meet with honest work.

You were wholeheartedly happy for him when Taeyong had told you all this one day when you had met in Daejong a year ago.

“He misses you very much too,” he had said, and you had smiled lightly.

“I thought he hated me.”

“Did you forget what he said during his last race?”

That he loved you. 

“I will never forget.”

Jaehyun had won the biggest race in his whole career, but he still wasn’t entirely free. Being crowned King of the Streets, having won a lot of money and becoming popular as well as getting your love - all that hadn’t set him free from his past.

“But now, it doesn’t matter anymore,” you had added, speaking to Taeyong.

He had wanted more time not only for, but also with his mom and sister. Being a good son and brother like his father could have never been.

Jaehyun couldn't put his life on hold to leave his family eventually, too. You had understood, so you had quietly accepted all this, letting him go and focus on the things he saw as important now. Where it had been racing and winning before, his priorities had entirely shifted.

If your love wasn’t part of this anymore but had made him realize this, then what more could you ask for?

By now, another year later, Jaehyun must have graduated from university already and his sister must be a sophomore in high school. Every now and then, you thought about them and prayed for their safety, but your life wasn’t on hold anymore.

“Miss, your interview partner is waiting in the lobby.”

“Okay, thank you.”

You took your notebook from your desk and walked out of your office. The room wasn’t as big as the one in your old company and the view was not as splendid, but you were editor-in-chief for the city's biggest magazine. You could write about things you really cared about like politics and things going on in town, nobody pressured you to cover topics that required you to do criminal things.

The company fitted your personality, your morals. It was perfect for you. 

A week ago, you had gotten a request from someone who claimed to have a really good story for you. Even after telling the person via mail that your magazine didn’t take on this kind of sensational story, the person was being persistent, so you gave in and were open to hear what they had to say.

“Good morning, I-”

The last words got stuck in your throat and your breath caught simultaneously. You let your notebook nearly slip from your hands upon encountering your today’s interview partner.

“Good morning.”

He smiled the smile you had lured out of him only after a few weeks of knowing each other. In these two years, he hadn’t changed one bit. He looked more mature and admittedly also more relaxed, the scowl entirely gone. His clothes had changed into more sophisticated ones as he wore black dress pants and a white button up.

“Life’s been treating you well,” he added. “I’m happy for you.”

His deep, soft voice let you nearly melt again, but you were a professional, so you regained your composure real quick. 

“I heard you have a really good story for me Mr. Jeong,” you smiled. “I’m really looking forward to it.”

____

Jaehyun wanted you to publish a story. 

This time, with him and with his name written all over it.

“I don’t want to hide anymore, I don’t want to have secrets. I want to come clear, not only with myself, my family and friends, but also with everyone involved. I’ve already gathered permission from everyone, and even though it admittedly took me very long to reach this conclusion, I’m a hundred percent sure I want to do it. And most importantly, I want you to do it.”

It would be his personal story, from his own point of view where he would talk about his past, his father’s wrongdoings, his struggles and what he had been up to since his final race. He asked you to sell this story to your old company for a wider audience and for a follow up. 

Legally, he weighed himself secure since he had talked to a few layers before making this decision. It was all for his conscience. If this helped Jaehyun finally move on entirely, then you would happily do it for him.

“Back then, during my last race, my navigator had never used the new system. I only found out much later.”

You paused your writing and looked up. You had settled yourselves in a conference room to work on this story without any interruptions. “Why did she never use it, Mr. Jeong?”

“She had so much faith and trust in our connection, she was sure she could do it without, that was how much she believed in me.”

You lowered your head and pretended to write, but out came only gibberish. Your heart was racing. You always fondly thought back to that time. “She must have been a real baddie,” you joked.

“She was.” The corners of Jaehyun’s lips curled upwards. “I don’t regret anything except for one thing.”

“Which is…?”

“Letting her go.”

You were asking yourself why you suddenly couldn’t see anymore as your vision was very blurry. When you wiped the back of your hand over your eyes, you realized that you had started crying, and the tears had stained the writing on your paper.

“I have one more question for you,” you only brought out.

“Yes?”

“Have you married yet, Mr. Jeong?”

The pause that followed almost tore you apart as you closed your eyes and prayed inwardly.

“I’ve been waiting for a special person to return to Seoul,” he nearly whispered. “When she didn’t, I went to search for her.”

You looked up to him, tears still burning on the brim, but somehow, you didn’t feel sad anymore. You felt more overwhelmed with this entire revelation that caused your heart to finally flutter again. 

You had never stopped loving Jaehyun.

“And… what if that person doesn’t want to go back to Seoul?”

Jaehyun stretched out his hand and laid his palm against your cheek, wiping away your tears. It felt so familiar and warm, a feeling you had deeply missed. Even though there was still a respectful distance between you that had built up in the past two years, the connection was as deep and intense as ever. 

It was at this moment that you realized Jaehyun had never stopped loving you too.

“Then, I’ll go wherever she goes.”

[dearly-somber]

tomorrows with you | m.jh

-> pairing. ex-idol!myung jaehyun x female!reader

-> genre. dystopian/post-apocalyptic!au, angst, fluff, s2f2l, (mutual) pining, eventual romance, suggestive near the end

-> rating. 13+

-> w/c. 5369

-> warnings. gun-violence (esp. at the start of the fic), injury (non-gruesome/ life threatening); very vague worldbuilding; non-idol!Jungkook has been used as a stand-in for Jaehyun’s older brother <3

-> a/n. So, yeah. This fic’s working title was “dystopian!au w/ m.jh”, and then I suddenly got a title idea 🤡. Also, this fic was partially inspired by Civil War (2023). Decent movie, though I’d give a hard tw for anyone with war or gun-related PTSD. Please watch at your discretion <3

-> bnd ficlets, oneshots and series m.list

-> started. May 31st, 2024 @ 20:49

-> fin. Sun., Oct. 13th, 2024 @ 22:06

-> edited. Mon., Oct. 14th, 2024 @ 17:59

-> divider credit. @fairytopea

You dash breathlessly into the large company building, your shoes squeaking against the tile as you hurriedly push through the heavy glass door.

Your chest heaves as you clumsily jump ID-regulated turning-gates, yelping as your knees buckle when another poorly aimed shot whizzes past your shoulder.

You don’t stop to face your pursuers, amping up your speed and making a mad dash for the elevator at the end of the hallway.

You scream at another shot, this time more from the pain of the bullet grazing your shoulder than fear (though that’s a pretty big factor, too).

Skidding to a stop in the elevator, you aggressively mash the Close Doors button, falling to the floor and sobbing with relief when it finally closes and the thumping of bullets against metal momentarily guarantees your safety.

You press a random floor number, trying to gather yourself and push to your feet despite how wobbly your legs feel. You aren’t looking forward to the shoulder-pain waiting for you once the adrenaline wears off…

The elevator doors ding open and you waste no time jogging down the long and winding hallways, the carpeted floors muting the rhythmic thump-thump-thump of your sneakers.

You push the door at the end of the hall open just as you hear men’s voices yelling orders back whence you came, a wave of anxious sweat cascading down your hairline.

You try to quiet your gasping breaths as you shut the door behind you, rushing to get your sneakers off and in your hands so your footsteps on the polished wooden floors don’t alert anyone.

The mirrors are everywhere.

You try hard not to look at yourself—the tangled, frizzy hair and mad look in your eyes is too much for you to handle right now.

Your heart-rate picks up as you begin hyperventilating, the sound of doors being slammed open heightening your senses tenfold—

You turn to the door hidden around the side of the room before the person behind it has it fully open.

His eyes are wide and fearful, shaky hands raised in front of him at the equally afraid look on your face.

Despite the bite of fear in your chest, your first thought is puppy.

The door to the practice room slams open and your muscles tense all over. Right as the guy carrying the gun raises his weapon to shoot at you—

You throw both of your shoes at him as hard as you can, using all your strength to launch yourself at the boy, letting him grab your hand and run with you at full speed through what you think might be a dressing room.

He leads you confidently through doors and down hallways, never once stopping to look behind him, an iron grip on your hand.

You wonder if he used to work here and hope you’ll live long enough to ask.

He stops so abruptly you slam headfirst into his back; hard enough for him to grunt and stumble forward.

The men ahead of you turn and immediately raise their weapons to shoot—

Your body moves for you and you yank the boy out of the way just as a shot is fired. Your pulse is deafening in your ears as he course-corrects and leads you down a different hall. Panting as the two of you come up on a metal door with a fire-escape sign flashing dimly above it, the boy hurriedly pushes it open and pulls you into the stairwell before shutting the door behind him.

You’re sweating in places you didn’t know you could sweat, and the brief glance you get at the boy’s face before he’s dragging you determinedly down the stairs tells you he’s not faring much better.

“I can’t—” you wheeze, trying to pull away from him as you lean against the railings, tears prickling your eyes and legs shaking with every step you take.

“You can,” the boy pants, tugging you along.

“I can’t—”

“Shut up!” he yells, his grip on your wrist tightening as he shoulders open a different metal door.

You’re wheezing with every step, blood rushing to your head.

Before he can fully turn the corner, a shower of bullets goes flying into the wall, spraying plaster all over the carpets.

“We found ‘em!”

“Go, go, go!” The boy shoves you ahead of him, the two of you running at full speed. You stumble over your feet and he grabs your hand to pull you into another practice room, this one much larger than the first:

Much larger, completely empty, and with nowhere to run.

“This is a dead end—!” you yell, frantically trying to yank your arm out of his iron-grip—if you can get out fast enough you can leave before they catch up—

“Shh,” he quiets you hurriedly as he pushes at a piece of wall that miraculously parts into what you belatedly realize is a hidden closet.

He rushes inside and pulls you in so forcefully you feel an ache in your shoulder, pummeling into his chest and trying to recover from all the running as he flips the panel back and you’re plummeted into darkness.

Your breathing feels heavy and ragged as the two of you stand chest to chest in the small space, your hands shaking as you wait for the group of men to find you.

You try desperately to breathe through your nose as the stranger’s heart beats against your cheek, his chest heaving as he huffs breaths in through his mouth.

Afraid that you might be heard, you reach up to press his mouth shut and tap the side of his nose, shaking your head with a look you hope he understands. Surprisingly, he does, his breath no longer hammering down against the top of your head as he forces himself to breathe through his nose.

The door to the practice room smacks open and the two of you tangibly jump against one another, your shoulders tensing in anticipation.

“Rats,” a male voice hisses. “You fuckers are terrible shots for letting her get away like that.”

“Not our fault the girl moves like a fucking rabbit,” someone else snaps, the sound of his gun shifting against his back sending a shiver down your spine. “Fucking zig-zagging all over the fucking place.”

“Yeah, well, now she’s been picked up by someone who knows his way around. We could’ve gotten her so easy if you’d just aimed—”

Your knees knock together at the men’s conversation, taking another step toward the boy to press the two of you right up against the back of the closet in an effort to distance yourself from the people on the other side of the wall.

The boy’s hands wrap firmly around your forearms (to hold you still or hold you up, you can’t tell).

“Yah!” A deeper voice than before calls. “Stop fucking around and forget the girl. If we catch the guy, he can tell us where the valuables are.”

Your eyes widen fearfully, on the verge of an anxiety attack when you’re caught off guard by the boy in the closet shoving his face into your shoulder (you have to bite on your tongue at the shot of pain that ricochets down your arm), holding you against his chest like his life depends on it.

You try to push him away by his shoulders but come to a standstill when you feel the heat of his tears against your shirt.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers desperately against your shirt, his voice right by your ear.

Too afraid to soothe him verbally, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and squeeze.

“Forget it,” the first voice says, the sound of his gun making you hold onto your companion tighter. “They’re not here, Gunwook. Let’s go.”

“He’s right,” the second says. “We need to keep moving.”

Gunwook lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fine.”

You keep your arms tight around the boy as you listen for their retreating footsteps, unable to comfortably relax without being certain that it’s not some sick trick meant to lure you out of hiding.

It feels like hours before the two of you finally leave the closet, loud sighs of relief exiting your lungs when you realize that you’ve survived.

You look across the room at the boy who risked his life to save yours, his eyes glossy with a fresh set of tears…

… and it takes less than a second for you to start crying.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Jaehyun-ah!”

“어?“

“C’mere!”

You’re browsing through the racks of one of the many Everland memorabilia stores, your last stop in the city before you and Jaehyun start the long drive into the countryside.

“What is it?” Jaehyun asks, his boba eyes sparkling curiously. His hair’s gotten a lot longer since you first met: it blankets and curls around the back of his neck in fluffy tufts which make his eyes seem bigger and more puppy-like.

You break into a smile as you take the puppy-ear band from the shelf to stick it atop his head, giggling fondly when you pull back to look at him.

“What,” he deadpans, a small smile pulling defiantly at the corner of his lips. “You think it’s funny?“

You giggle, bowing with the weight of your joy. The faux fur atop his head is nearly the exact same color as his hair. “It looks good!”

He shakes his head with a fond smile, reaching up to take them off but stopping when you whine and hold his wrist.

“Don’t,” you pout.

He makes a move to pull them off again, but you tug his wrist back with another over-exaggerated whine.

He gives in, dropping his hand with a fond but defeated smile. His eyes scan the rack for more headbands and sparkle a little when he spots a certain pair in particular.

He takes it off the rack and places it delicately on your head, tenderly positioning the ears so one is slightly bent before he pulls away with a satisfied smile, petting your hair. “Bunny.”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head at him as he continues to faff with your hair before eventually letting his hand hang by his side.

“Are you ready to go?”

You look around: plushies lay dirtied and torn on the floor with entire shelves fallen over, glass jars previously filled with sweets strewn broken and empty around the looted tills.

“Yeah.” You choose to focus on Jaehyun’s face rather than the chaos around you. “I’m ready.”

It’s a much nicer sight.

He nods, holding his hand out for you to take before walking with you to where you left the car in a small spot of shade near the entrance.

You let go of Jaehyun’s hand to jog around to the passenger side as he climbs into the driver’s seat, starting the car as you buckle in, briefly turning around to double check that your bags are still sitting nice and snug on the backseats.

Assured that you haven’t lost your limited stash of supplies, you turn back around with a grunt, crossing your arms and leaning back to stare out the window as Jaehyun takes off.

“You don’t need the bathroom, right?”

“No,” you say. “I’ll be fine for the next while, I think.”

He nods, taking one hand off the wheel to reach into the center console. You watch curiously as he pulls out a black case of some sort, holding it out to you with his eyes still fixated on the road.

“What’s this?” you ask, turning it around in your hands and unzipping it while sitting straighter in your chair.

“CDs.”

You look at him with bright eyes. “Really?!”

“Yeah,” he laughs. “I found it in one of the drawers in that house we looted last night.”

“And you’re only telling me now?” you gasp, laughing and good-naturedly touching his arm when he shakes his head at you.

“A lot of them were pretty badly scratched,” he explains.

He takes his eyes off the road to make eye contact with you. “I didn’t wanna mention it and then not be able to play it.”

You stare at each other for a moment before he clears his throat again and turns his attention back to the road; always trying to put on a tough act despite being the sweetest person you know.

You smile softly and poke his cheek in thanks, flipping through the CDs until you find the perfect one.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Let’s stop here for the night,” Jaehyun says, apologizing under his breath for accidentally frightening you as he turns into a different lane.

You sit up straighter, trying to calm your startled heart as you stretch your arms and legs.

As Jaehyun pulls into the taxi lane on the side of the road, you notice his eyes drooping and how it takes him longer than usual to park the car.

“You must be exhausted,” you mumble.

Jaehyun pulls on the handbrake, leaning back against his seat with closed eyes and a sigh. “It’s fine.”

“We should’ve rotated.”

“It’s fine, Y/N.”

You sigh, slowly leaning back in your seat. You look out your window at the yellow-orange sky, feeling weirdly nostalgic for the time before.

“Why were you in the building that day?”

“Hm?”

You face Jaehyun expectantly.

He’s adjusted his seat so he’s lying down, his eyes closed and likely on the verge of sleep.

You stare at his side profile since you can’t stare at his eyes, waiting for a response. “The building, on the day we met. Why were you there?”

For a while he says nothing, but eventually he speaks.

“I worked there.”

“Doing what?”

He scoffs, the corner of his lips rising in a half-smile you haven’t seen since you left Everland. “I was an idol.”

“What?!” You sit up straight in your seat, your jaw hanging loose from its hinges.

“Yeah,” he laughs, still with his eyes closed.

You grin. “Were you famous?”

Jaehyun snorts, slowly opening his eyes to give you the full effect of the humored smile on his face. “No, I don’t think so. We were still rookies when the world went to shit.”

“Oh,” you pause… “We?”

Jaehyun’s eyes seem to lose their light almost as quickly as you managed to flick them on, dimming and dimming until they’re back to the defeated muddy-brown you’re used to.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he whispers, staring at a spot past your shoulder with a veiled look.

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head and heaves a sigh, laying back down with his eyes closed and his arms crossed over his chest.

“We should get some sleep,” he says.

You nod even though he can’t see, turning onto your side.

But, even after you’ve settled in and settled down, you find yourself struggling to fall asleep. Now that no one is talking and the engine is off, you’re starting to hear a light buzz in your ears, every snap of a twig or rustle of a branch making your heart race.

It’s too quiet without any of the sounds you’ve gotten used to. No sounds of people leaving home to work the night shift, no sounds of dogs barking at police-sirens three blocks away… only the sound of your slow breathing and the wind howling outside your partially open window.

You breathe a shaky sigh and turn your back to the door, ignoring the uncomfortable tug in your stomach at leaving yourself so exposed.

Your eyes are well-adjusted to the dark, so you easily make out Jaehyun’s silhouette. You shuffle closer and release a nervous breath.

“Jaehyun—?”

He wakes with a surprised whine, groaning when he sees it’s just you. He stretches his legs and arches his back off the seat with his eyes half-closed. “Y/N…?”

“Sorry.“ You bite your lip and play with your fingers. “I just… I… can’t sleep.”

Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly as he wakes up. You can’t make out what he’s thinking, so you sit in the silence while you wait for him to… to what?

What were you expecting?

You watch dazedly as he suddenly jacks his seat further back, leaning back and holding his palm out to you over the center console.

“Here,” he says.

You look at his hand, then his face, then his hand again.

“Just take it.”

Slowly you take his hand, naturally following his (mostly) non-verbal instructions as he guides you across the center console and into his lap, your legs astride his hips and your hands curled up against his sides.

He tucks your head under his chin. You can feel his heartbeat against your chest, aware of each rise and fall of his rib cage as he inhales and exhales against the top of your head.

“Good?” he asks, clasping his hands high enough around the small of your back to be considered respectful, but low enough for it to feel decidedly intimate.

“Y-yeah,” you stutter, wondering if your breath against his neck makes his heart beat as fast as his breath against your hair does.

“Thank you,” you whisper, warm all over and already succumbing to sleep.

Jaehyun says nothing. Instead, he presses his lips to the crown of your head, whispering something into your hair you can’t make out, and you fall asleep to the sound of rhythmic breathing and the soft pitter-patter of his heart against yours.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“You know how to jump a fence?” Jaehyun asks skeptically.

“Sure.” You shrug. “How hard can it be?”

Hard enough for you to roll your ankle, apparently.

Jaehyun is crouched in front of you, gently cradling your throbbing ankle in his hands as he shares a concerned look with you from behind his bangs.

You smile through your pain and reach out to touch his hands. “It’s not too bad,” you lie, even though the furrow in his brow tells you he doesn’t buy it. “C’mon, help me up.”

Jaehyun bites his lip as he contemplates, heaving a sigh before he stands and lifts you up. He wraps your arm around his shoulders and his around your waist, patiently guiding you to the grocery store.

How he managed to jump the fence without suffering your same fate remains a mystery.

“Earth to Y/N?”

“Huh?”

Jaehyun laughs as he sets you down by the register, fondly shaking his head and grabbing a basket from the front of the store. “I’m gonna grab some stuff and see if they have anything we can wrap around your foot.”

“Let me help.”

“You’re injured.”

“Jaehyun,” you whine.

“Y/N.” He gives you a deadpan look. “You can’t hop around the store. Just… wait here, okay? I won’t be long.”

You pout and cross your arms like a child, reluctantly huffing your agreement. His sympathetic shoulder-touch is enough of a consolation for you not to bitch and moan about it, even though you don’t stop pouting.

You watch from the register as Jaehyun moves through the different aisles, wandering from shelf-to-shelf with a concentrated furrow in his brow.

It’s almost… domestic.

You wonder what coming to the store with him would have been like before the country went to shit, easily slipping into your world-before daydream.

You’d have arrived in his car, probably wearing matching shirts—he seemed like the kind of guy to want to do that, you think. You would’ve walked through the doors holding hands, bowing at the cashier with dopey smiles on your faces... You’d probably argue about which piece of meat you’d want to buy for the upcoming family barbecue, and then, after agreeing to a game of Rock Paper Scissors, Jaehyun would pout and whine when he lost…

“Look what I found!”

You jump, loudly clearing your throat as Jaehyun approaches again holding a thick roll of bandaid in his free hand. He sets a blue basket down and crouches in front of you.

“What were you daydreaming about?” he asks conversationally, gently removing your sock (and apologizing under his breath when you wince away,) so he can start wrapping your foot.

“Nothing,” you deflect a little too quickly, nervously avoiding his gaze when he tries to meet your eyes. “I was just spacing out.”

“Yeah…” he mumbles, totally not believing you.

You clear your throat. “You found a lot of stuff.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun briefly glances at the nearly overflowing basket beside him as he finishes up your foot-wrap, groaning a little when he stands. “It might be because we’re so far away from the city. Maybe the people here weren’t as worried about supplies as the rest of us.” He grabs the basket and hoists you up by the waist.

“Maybe,” you agree, hopping along as fast as you can, occasionally taking breaks to lean against Jaehyun until you finally make it back to the car.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” you ask as you buckle in. “I feel like we’ve been driving for years.”

“It’s a little late to ask that now,” he laughs, setting the basket next to and on top of the rest of the supplies you’ve collected in the trunk of the car. “But, yeah, I’m sure. My grandma used to live out this way.”

“Oh.” Your eyes widen. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah.” There’s a moment of silence. “We came out once every three or four weeks, I think. She died my freshman year of high school.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, reaching over the center console to squeeze his hand.

Jaehyun shakes his head. When you try to move away, he holds your hand in his lap.

“How about you?” he asks as he clears his throat. “Did you have any family outside the city?”

“Not… really?”

He frowns. “How do you mean?”

“Well,” you start, “my parents are divorced, so I moved to the city with my dad while my mom stayed out in the countryside with her family. I didn’t really see them much, and when I did it wasn’t super pleasant.”

“Ah…” This time Jaehyun squeezes your hand, his thumb rubbing light circles against your knuckles. “I’m sorry.”

You shrug. “It is what it is. I don’t even know if any of them are still alive,” you laugh bleakly.

Jaehyun smiles sadly, but says nothing else.

You sigh, leaning back against the chair with closed eyes. “Wake me up when we get there?”

“‘Course.”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It’s been a crazy couple of hours.

When you got to Jaehyun’s gran’s house (you hadn’t even considered that was where he was taking you), you were met with his family.

His mom, his dad, his older brother… they were all there. You’d watched the reunion mostly from inside the car because Jae’s parents had come out of the house as he was coming around to help you, so you had no idea what words had been exchanged.

They’d all wrapped around each other and when Jaehyun remembered you were still in the car (you’d opened the car door and started maneuvering yourself outside), he jogged to you, his face red and tears still flowing down his cheeks in waves.

“Jaehyun…”

He cried harder at your soft tone, and you pushed yourself to standing so you could wrap a hand around the back of his neck, guiding his head to your shoulder. He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you against his chest as he sniffled and cried. You petted his hair and whispered assurances into his shoulder, telling him that it was okay and they were all safe and you’re finally together again.

“Y/N, darling, is something wrong?”

You snap out of your thoughts, hurriedly bringing the spoonful of chicken soup to your lips to appease the questioning eyes suddenly trained on you.

“The food is great, Mrs. Myung, thank you.” You smile as you bring another spoonful to your lips. Jaehyun is sitting next to you, his smile slowly returning to his face as he looks lovingly at all his family members spread out across the dining room table.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Mrs. Myung waves off, a smile on her face. “I’m just glad you’re finally getting some proper food in you. I can’t believe you guys have been living off of canned beans and raw noodles for the last… god knows how long!” She shook her head with an exaggerated shiver, very motherly, and you laughed awkwardly to dispel the strange tension in your shoulders.

“We’ve been doing our best with what we have,” Jaehyun says, gently so as not to accidentally hurt his mother’s feelings, though you wonder how much he’s told them about your situation. Do they even know how you guys met?

“So,” Jungkook starts. You straighten your back and sit with your hands in your lap, nervously swallowing down your soup. Jaehyun’s older brother is almost nothing like him. He’s tall, has a full sleeve of tattoos, several piercings and hasn’t exactly been the most welcoming presence since their reunion earlier that evening.

“How did you two meet?”

So Jaehyun hadn’t told them everything.

“Oh, uh…” Jaehyun searches your face, probably hesitant to talk about something neither of you had really spoken about since it’s happening. Especially considering the… less-than-ideal circumstances.

You clear your throat. Despite not really wanting to relive any of that, you do want Jaehyun’s family to like you. So you put on what you hope is a friendly smile and tell them about what happened.

“I was being chased by a rogue group,” you say simply, ignoring Jungkook’s sympathetic frown and the widened eyes on his parents’ face. “I don’t know what they were going to do with me, but I ran into Jaehyun’s old company building and he found me and helped me escape.”

“That’s terrible…” Jaehyun’s mom sympathizes, reaching across the table to squeeze her son’s hand. He squeezes it back before pulling away.

“It’s over now.” Jaehyun says, smiling softly at you and reaching under the table to hold your hand.

“What happened to the boys?” Jungkook asks with a concerned frown. “Were you separated?”

Jaehyun’s grip on your hand tightens, his face paling so suddenly you can’t help but worry he’s about to pass out.

Jaehyun swallows and shakes his head.

“Jaehyun—”

He pushes up from the chair hard enough the legs screech against the floors, effectively cutting Jungkook off. “Thank you for the food, Eomma, but Y/N and I should probably get to bed. We’ve had a long day.”

“Jaehyun,” his dad says gently.

“C’mon, Y/N.”

You push out of your chair and fall into Jaehyun’s side, his arm around your shoulder and yours around his waist as he helps you hobble towards what you assume must be the guest bedroom.

You say nothing as he sets you on the side of the bed to remove your socks for you, glossy-eyed and frowning.

You bite your lip nervously, hesitant to say anything that might make him even more upset than he already is, but you have a feeling if you don’t say anything at all, things might turn out even worse, so you clear your throat and start off small.

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” you ask, watching him walk around to the other side of the bed.

“Here.”

“Here?”

“Yeah.�� Jaehyun hesitantly sits on the edge of the bed, searching your face for signs of discomfort. “Why? Do you not want me to?”

“No—I mean, I don’t mind.” You pray he can’t tell how flustered this conversation makes you. “I just… I guess I assumed you’d go to the room with your brother.”

“I don’t…” Jaehyun sighs, raking his fingers through his hair as he sits back against the headboard, your legs touching. “I can’t deal with him right now.”

You bite your lip. “Do you… wanna talk about it?”

Jaehyun looks at you for a bit before shaking his head. “I don’t know. I missed them, of course I did, and I couldn’t be happier that they’re all alive and well and here.”

You carefully cross your legs and turn so your whole body is facing him. “But…?”

He follows suit and turns to face you, grabbing your hands so he can play with your fingers. “But… I just… I can’t deal with it all right now. The whiplash of them being alive, of us being reunited when…”

He inhales sharply, holding your hands a little tighter. “When they’re— they’re not here—”

Jaehyun breaks down, bowing his head as his shoulders shake with tears. Your heart aches for him as you maneuver yourself in a way that lets you get closer to him without putting your ankle at risk, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to pull him close.

You pat his back as he cries into your shoulder, eventually pulling away to hold his face and wipe his tears away with your thumbs.

“We got— got separated and they, I don’t know how it happened but they got— got cornered and I didn’t do anything because I— I was frozen and I didn’t do anything and now— and now they’re all dead—”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yes it is!” he sobs, his breath stuttering in his chest as he grips your wrists, holding your hands against his cheeks like they’re his lifeline. “I could’ve done something, I might’ve saved them if only I’d done something—”

“Jaehyun, look at me.”

He makes a noise of a wounded animal, and your heart clenches uncomfortably in your chest as you wipe your thumbs under his eyes. “You couldn’t have saved them in the state you were in. The only thing that would’ve happened is you would’ve died with them—”

“That would’ve been better than this—”

“No. Don’t say that.” You exhale shakily, annoyed at yourself for getting emotional when you’re trying so hard to be strong for him. “If you were dead what would have happened to me, Jaehyun? You wouldn’t have reunited with your family. Don’t say that.”

He whines again, shaking his head. “I just… I miss them,” he sobs, “I miss them so— so much and I wish they could’ve b-been here to meet— to meet you. Woonhakie” — he gasps like he’s out of breath— “Woonhakie would’ve loved you,” he wails, curling in on himself.

You hush him again, fighting back your own tears as you bring him back to your chest. You let him cry it out as you rub comforting circles on his back…

•••

You don’t know how long you both sit there, but when it’s done you’re emotionally exhausted and your foot is aching.

You and Jaehyun lay curled up against each other, closer than you’ve ever been before. Your heart pounds against your chest at the proximity, and you find yourself falling more in love with his scent every time you inhale against his neck.

“Y/N?”

“Mm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Those things I said.” He swallows, his thumbs drawing pictures against your shoulders. “I’m glad I got to save you. I—“

“I know,” you assure him quietly, feeling your head get heavier. “They were like family to you. It’s a lot to deal with.”

“Still. I don’t want you to think I regret living.”

You can’t tell if it’s the closeness or mental exhaustion of the last month catching up on you, but whatever it is it gives you enough confidence to turn your head and kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I’m glad we stayed alive long enough to know each other.”

He tenses up ever so slightly before nuzzling deeper into your shoulder. “Me too…

“And Y/N?”

“Mm?” you mumble, eyes already closed.

“I think I love you,” he whispers. “I know it’s sudden and maybe it’s not the right time, but I— I’ve actually felt this way for a while but I didn’t want to ruin everything or scare you off, or—“

“Jaehyun-ah.”

He swallows hard. “Mm?”

“I love you too. Now try to get some sleep, will you? Tomorrow’s going to be a really long day.”

Jaehyun stills as he takes in what you said, and then he turns his face into your neck and shakily inhales, holding you tighter than ever before.

“Y/N?”

“Mm?”

“I can’t wait to spend my tomorrows with you.”

[writemekpop]

Wanted | Jung Jaehyun

Summary: When you get injured, Jaehyun leaves you for dead...

Genre: FWB AU, Angst, Mafia AU, tsundere Jaehyun

Word Count: 0.5k @yunogf

The sound of gun shots rang in your ears, deafening you. 

Jaehyun ran into an alleyway, and you limped behind him. You'd made it out alive. You couldn’t believe it.

A sharp pain racked your leg, and you crumpled to the ground. Blood seeped out of the bullet hole in your thigh.

But as Jaehyun leaned close, smiling softly, you almost forgot the pain...

“You make me a better man, Y/n.” He brushed your hair behind your ear, and your heart thudded. “I will never forget you.”

“Forget me?” you said, jolting, but Jaehyun was already jogging away. 

"Wait!" you yelled, scrabbling at the ground. "You can’t leave me behind! Help me up!” 

The shoulders of Jaehyun’s white hoodie shrugged. “Survival of the fittest, my love,” he shouted. “And to think, I was almost falling for you!” 

Each of Jaehyun’s words were like pieces of glass twisted in your chest, so much more painful than any physical wound. 

But what hurt you wasn't the betrayal - no, you would let yourself be betrayed a thousand times by that man. It was the disappointment, that you and Jaehyun would never be something more. It sickened you, but it was true. You still loved Jaehyun. 

Hot tears washed your grimy face as you set your head back, and waited to die...

You were woken by a sting in your leg. 

“Hey-“ you started, looking up.

Jaehyun was kneeling beside you, calmly binding your leg. 

At first, you thought you were dreaming. His dark, handsome, sarcastic face was too perfect to be real. 

But then he said, not meeting your eye, “I was going to leave you.”

Fresh pain.

“But,” he continued, “I realised that you are faster, smarter, and a hell of a lot stronger than I am. If I want to survive in this city, I need you." 

It wasn't a confession of love. But from the way Jaehyun's trembling fingers struggled to knot the bandage for a good minute, you knew that he was truly being vulnerable.

"What if I leave you as soon as I'm healed?" you said, intending it as a joke, but sounding too bitter.

He gazed at you, his grey eyes solemn. "You may." He leaned close, and quite unexpectedly, lightly kissed your lips. Your face burst into flame. "But I don't… want you to." 

You smiled.

—

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[rosietaeyongswife]

maps | jjh

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive, secret agent jaehyun x reader synopsis: Your husband was killed year ago by an unknown man. The griev and unsolved case kept you at night. After meeting your late husband's unfamiliar friend, you found new mission in your life. Find out who killed your husband Jaehyun. wc: 7.5k tw: cursing, blood, death, suggestive themes, guns, misscariage, grammar mistakes etc. au: it's been a long time lol there are still mistakes for sure, but i think i got better? at least i'm trying. hope you enjoy this. as always, i made it with jaehyun, because he literally fits every role??? peace yo

"It's been a year, move on." Your father sat down with a cup of tea in his left hand. "I love you, you're my daughter and I'm aware you loved him deeply. We all are. I mean, you can't ruin your life, because your husband got killed. I'm not saying you should forget him, I'm saying you should move on, Y/N. Please."

Seems like it's about 100th time your father brings the topic. Not even mentioning other people in your life. They could never understand the pain you feel. They could never understand how does it feel to lose person you've loved for so many years.

"How am I supposed to move on, dad? Tell me, how? I can't sleep at night, I have to go to therapy and take these pills that makes me weak as a bitch, and I don't even have an energy to talk with you, yet you're here telling me to move on?" Telling him all that felt relieving. Made you feel lighter. "You don't have any idea how it is. None of you! I don't want to see you or mom, coming here and acting as if y'all are my therapist."

"We're trying to help you, you're our daughter. We mean only the best for you, okay? Honey, you can't freeze in time and griev your whole life. Jaehyun wouldn't want that."

"Don't speak about it. You didn't even know him. Leave it, please."

Jaehyun was married to you for almost four years, and these were the best years of your life. You met at high school, then started dating at your senior year at college, and get married two years later. The job he had made your life harder. He was working for Korean Secret Forces, as an agent. High rank, excellent skills and results.

He was supposed to be go on a trip to Japan, when he got shot and killed. No one knows why, nor how did it happened.

"Y/N, you have still a lot to live. Being mean towards us won't change a thing. I'm leaving, if you need something, call us."

Cementary felt like your second home. A year ago, you used to come here everyday for two months, then lesser and now you're doing it once a week. Always brining candles or flowers with you. Your husband deserves to never be forgotten.

Crossing path, you spotted a man sitting by your husband's grave. Walking slowly to see who is it, you saw a face you've never seen before.

"Mind asking, who you are?"

Man turned around, and looked into your eyes. He was about 10cm highter than you, and had white, medium lenght hair. His gaze was strong, and gave you chills.

"You're his wife, right?" You nodded. "Jaehyun was a great man. I've never had a chance to meet you, and talk because of work, but I used to work with your husband. We were pretty close, I guess." He seems to be saying the truth, but you were bit taken aback. You knew majority of Jaehyun friends, but not him. "Jaehyun probably never mentioned my name, I am Yuta."

"Nice to meet you. My name is Y/N." You two shake your hands. "Is there a reason why he didn't meniton you?"

"Listen Y/N, I can't tell you much-"

"He was killed by Secret Forces, wasn't he? It wasn't an accident." You claimed while blankly staring at Yuta.

"How-"

"Jaehyun was too good for a rookie mistake, I'm sure he would dodge the bullet. Answer me honestly."

Yuta sighed. People way above him, or Jaehyun, made an awesome narrative. Most skilled and talented man of Secret Forces got shot by unknown man on his off duty. Unbeliveable lie.

"It for sure wasn't an accident. As I said, I can't tell you much. But I want you to be careful, it's dangerous. Jaehyun found something and it got him killed. I don't want you to die or to suffer, because of that. I promised Jaehyun to keep an eye on you."

Your heart almost stopped, and your vission was blurry. Of course, you had some theories on why did Jaehyun die, but mostly it was his postion in work. Many would kill for his job, and it'd be good reason to kill him. But now, as you're aware it wasn't it, you felt sick.

"What are you talking about? What did he find?"

"I can't tell you, because I'm not aware of everything. I'd suggest for you to not dig into it. Live your life, and don't look for anything, Y/N."

"My husband was killed, because he found something. He was killed, while we have expected the baby! He left me alone, hearbroken and lonely. Don't you think, I deserve at least the reason?"

"Baby? You're mother?"

Yuta was surprised, because he has been following you for months, since Jaehyun knew he was in trouble, yet he had never seen you with a child.

"I had a misscariage. It was thrid month, when Jaehyun died. Due to stress and everything, my body gave up. Awful times." You tried to laugh, but you failed. "I don't want to complain about my life, there's no point. I want the truth."

"Just leave it. Jaehyun died because of your co-called 'truth', so you better move on. Forget about me, and forget we met." Yuta made his way out of the grave, but he turned quickly. "I'm sorry for your loss. About Jaehyun, and your baby. Good luck, Y/N."

The first thing that came to your mind to call Jungwoo and Johnny to meet. Two of them were best buddies with Jaehyun, they had to know something. You demand answers.

"Do any of you know Yuta?"

Jungwoo and Johnny looked at each other, which was obvious for you - they do.

"Why you're asking?" Jungwoo chuckled. "I thought we were supposed to hang out and talk shit."

"I met him today. At cementary, at Jaehyun's grave to be exact." Johnny chocked on his saliva. "Why I had no clue about him?"

"What did he say?"

"Johnny, don't fuckin do it. Answer me, you two, now. I've been gaslighted for a year. Is it some joke to you? To play dumb around me?"

"Relax, it's not that deep."

"Answers."

"Yuta was working with Jaehyun for few months." Jungwoo stated as he was taking a sip of his beer. "He's japanese member of the crew. Yuta Nakamoto was working with Jaehyun on some project, extra secretive thing. We don't know what were they doing, though."

"So, what did he say?"

"Jaehyun found something that got him killed. I told y'all it wasn't an accident. I've known it was a murder. I knew."

"Y/N, you can't just believe in every word he says. We don't know him well, he migh've been lyin-"

"I believe him. Please." You rolled your eyes. "My husband wasn't some kind of a rookie, nope. He was the captain of his crew, soon to be officer. How couldn't he dodge the bullet? In the daylight? And the suspect have never been found. Sounds weird to me."

"There was an open investigation, and we were working hard-"

"Don't bullshit me, right now."

"Even if it's true, stay out of this. It's clearly something he wasn't supposed to know, and look. He's six feet under, now, sniffing the flowers from the other side." Johnny said firmly. The tone was suspicious, and you realize he was nervous. "Can we change the subject?"

Agony. You got rid of agony. In your life there's a new mission. To find the truth. You won't rest easy until you get to know what happened. Why did your husband had to die.

The lock of the attic opened. After Jaehyun's death, police came and took some of his personal stuff. You didn't give them everything, though. There must be something in his stuff.

After an hour, you didn't find much. Some rapports, evidence on minor crimes, suspects, scratches of something, to-do lists, and notes he used to make for you. As when you were about to give up, you found small piece of paper with a phone number on.

"What?" Male voice came from the other side. A bit cold, you'd say. "Who are you?"

"Hey, I am Y/N. Jung Y/N." Silence. "Jaehyun's wife."

"How did you get my phone number?"

"I found it. May I ask, who are you?"

"No, you're not going to ask me questions." Cold tone made you annoyed. "Jaehyun is dead, and here you are calling me. Why?"

"I know Jaehyun got murdered by his company. Please, I need to find the truth. I was looking for clues in his stuff, so I came across this phone number. I need help."

"I can't help you. I-"

"Please. I'll do everything."

Short silence made you believe, he's about to hang up.

"Meet me at 10. I'll send you adress. Alone." He sighed. "If you're from police, you're dead. See ya."

The adress seems sketchy as fuck, but you had to risk it. You felt like throwing up, because of the stress and everything that's about to happen. You were working as a private math teacher, not as a detective.

Area you're in, was abandomen long ago. There were only empty and destroyed buildings around, and not a sound of life around. Suddenly, you felt hands around you and on your mouth. Someone grab you, and took you in one of the building.

In front of you, were two men. One, black hair and bunny-like face, and the other one looked like a character straight from the anime.

"Are you a plug? Police? FBI? CIA? Secret Forces? SWAT?" You remember the voice, it's a guy who you've spoken to this morning. The guy with a black hair. "Answer us, now."

"No? The fuck! I told you, I'm Jaehyun's wife. I swear to God, I'm working as a private math teacher. I have no connection to police, besides my late husband."

"Taeyoung, check her ID."

They took your documents, and in fact, you wasn't lying.

"She's not lying. She's really Jaehyun's wife."

"Fuck." The other male sighed. "I told him to burn my phone number, dumb fucker. Why did you call? What do you want?"

"I want to know what happened to Jaehyun. I met Yuta today, I guess you must know him." They nodded. "I don't know if you're from Secret Forces, but you knew Jaehyun. The note wasn't in his offical case, why? Who are you?"

"I'm Kim Doyoung. I'm a hacker, and old friend of Jaehyun. We got few classes together back in college."

"And you?"

"Lee Taeyong. I'm his best friend, roommate and I used to be Jaehyun's plug."

"Jaehyun had a plug? Why? What?"

"I see you're confused." Doyoung softened. "Yuta must told you to stay out of this case, right? Why don't you listen? You need adrenaline? If yes, go to Bunjee jump. You want to get yourself killed?"

The way him, Taeyong and Yuta were so secretive made your blood boil. Also, the fact you had no idea Jaehyun knew them was even more annoying.

"If your wife got killed, wouldn't she want to know what happened? I demand answers. They can't get away with killing an innocent person."

"As if it was that easy." Taeyong sat down with a gun in his hand.

"You want answers?" You nodded. "Alright. But I don't guarante, you're going to be safe later. I can't promise that." You agreed without a word. "Jaehyun was a right man. He had his morals, and let's say, he didn't agree with few things with his boss and other assholes."

"He was in China, right?" Taeyong asked. "It all started there. During his stay there, and mission an innocent men got killed. He was chinese-korean, living with his wife and two kids. Provider of the family, and taxi driver. Jaehyun got told, he was super dangerous killer who killed around 10 korean soldiers in X Zone. The mission was easy. Get rid of the target."

"So he did. He and his people, including Jungwoo and Johnny. They had no idea, he was completly innocent guy. He was just a taxi driver, who wouldn't hurt a fly. The above wanted to get rid of him to show chinese mob, they don't care. Jaehyun got to know by accident, because he overheard his boss talking about it."

"It turned out, they killed more innocent people. He found corruption, and more evidence on illegal cases in the company. Doyoung hacked the system, and I asked the right people." Your brain was trying to process what they were saying. "There was a case of files tittled with his last name. They planned to get rid of evidence, and frame Jaehyun to become a hitman. Cruel killer, who killed innocent guys."

"What?"

"Jaehyun told them to turn themselfs in. To go to a trial court. Before he even told them, someone snitched on him. We don't know who, but they knew. The above ordered to kill him as soon as possible. I believe it must've been someone from his team. They can't be trusted, Y/N." Doyoung sighed. "Not even Jungwoo, or Johnny. We have no idea how much they know."

Your world was spinning around, and many more questions come with it. It felt as if your life got ruined in seconds. Your husband was always someone, who people looked up to. He hated discrimination, and lack of justice. He knew too much.

"But Yuta is alive."

"Jaehyun never mentioned Yuta. We're sure, they tortured him before getting on that street and shooting him. Someone was supposed to tell the truth, but Yuta can't be another one killed."

"Jungwoo and Johnny, they know?"

"They have to know." Taeyong said with a smile. "Think. They were close, if they didn't then Jaehyun wouldn't trust them. Who knows. Maybe they killed him."

There's no way. Jungwoo and Johnny were best friends with Jaehyun for years. They could never hurt him, not saying about killing him. They weren't capable, were they?

"I need to find the killer, and the evidence. I'll end what Jaehyun has started. I don't care, I have nothing to lose." You stood up, still overwhelmed by all the informations. "Even if it means, I'm going to die. Jaehyun didn't deserve to die."

"Y/N, it's danegrous. You can't put yourself into danger, because of grief and rage. Think about it. You can still get your life together-"

"No. I need to do it for him. And I need your help."

That night, you couldn't sleep. All you was thinking about was your hsuband and guys he was working with. There is no turning back now, you're going to get your revenge. No matter what. But the only thing couldn't let go. Yuta was keeping an eye on you for months, and yes, you had theory someone was following you, or stalking. Few times, you've spotted a shadow in your house. Some car passing your house three times a day. But you could swear to God, the shadow or sillhouete you've spotted was taller than Yuta. Yuta was about 5'10, while the person you saw so many times was for sure taller. Could Jaehyun sent someone else too?

After you left, Doyoung and Taeyong looked at each other sending signal.

"Y/N found us." Doyoung was gripping his phone hard, while waiting until the other person say something. "She called me earlier today. I am sure, she's going to find the killer."

"Don't let her. Keep her safe, Doyoung."

"It's too late now."

"Understood."

Taeyoung looked at his friend stressed. They nodded at each other, and went to their places waiting for next things coming.

"I'm so happy, you're moving on!" Your mother hugged you. "Are you sure about moving out part? It's your house, after all."

"Living here reminds me of Jaehyun too much. I found nice apartament in the centre of city, and I'm going to live closer to the company. Only prons."

"Jungwoo is picking you up?"

"He's already there." Your friend honked. "I gotta go. Let's go. I'm starting new chapter."

"We're proud of you." Your dad kissed your cheek. "Call us when you're in your new place. We're happy for you."

Drive to your new place was really comfortable, Jungwoo was cracking jokes all the time and he was expressing how happy he was for you.

"By the way, thank you. I really appreciate you recommended me for the company and you're driving me to my new place."

"Please, don't. It's just a pleasure to help you, Y/N. I am here for you anytime." He smiled at you. "You know, we are buddies now."

"Yes, dude."

"You sound like Mark now."

"Is it a bad thing?"

"Duh. He overuse 'dude'. Don't be like Mark."

Jungwoo wasn't right. Dude is literally Mark. Mark is dude. There's no Mark Lee without a 'dude' every few seconds. Almost like a comma.

After a month of working in Secret Forces as analyst, you were secured in your spot. No one suspected you of anything. Not many knew you were widow and Jaehyun's wife. Only the above knew, and Johnny, Jungwoo and Mark. You were lowkey about your business, and never mentioned anything harmful to you.

"We're going to hang out and drink sojuu, you're coming?" Mark asked with sparkling eyes. "Please, you always decline. Only me, Johnny, Jungwoo and Taeil. He went to the same University as you, I believe."

"Mark, I have a work to do. I need to do research, and write a raport."

"And you have a weekend for that. Just this once. We're not that bad, after all. Boys wants you to come. C'mon."

"Bet."

Mark left happy, because after 5th time asking, you agreed. By the time he was gone, you could check your other phone. You saw notification popping up on your homescreen.

dy: i need u to go and find login to y'all system dy: asap dy: don't get caught tho

Every single worker have own login, but login of people with high ranks are different each. With a sigh, you left your office and went towards the lift. You waved to few people, you got to know, and went to 14th floor. There must be the office of your boss.

There was no one in sight, so you just went in carefully. He was gettin his daily coffee on 4th floor with his friends, so he won't be there any time soon. You knew there were cameras, but Doyoung took care of that long time ago.

"Fuck. Where's the damn laptop."

As far as you know, they don't use their logins on official PC's, but have their own laptops with a base of every file possible.

Finally, you spotted black laptop on the pile of books in the corner. Looking around, you put USB cable in laptop. Thanks to that, Doyoung can hack everything from the laptop.

dy: i need 2 minutes dy: ok take the cable off, and meet me in your smoking spot behind the building

"I'm going out with boys tonight. After the work. In an hour."

"Be careful, though. Remember, we don't know how much do they know."

"They were best friends with Jaehyun. They couldn't be harmful."

"Maybe you're right, but there's no harm in being careful." He sighed. "I'll check everything, and tell you what we found. For now, be sure no one saw you."

The restaurant was really comfy, and have it's vibe. You felt as you were a kid again with your parents on Sunday's dinner. Nostalgic place.

"The owner is my uncle." Taeil laughed. "He opened the restaurant like 5 years ago? It's one of the best, I swear to God."

"Your uncle?" You were in disbelief. "The food is amazing. I love their dumplings."

"My uncle is the same person as Gordon Ramsey."

"Maybe let's not go there." Johnny cut off laughing. "You're lying."

"Ya, do you doubt me!"

"Gentlemen, stop."

The conversation went smoothly. You got to know, Taeil was your senior while you were freshman in the University.

"I remember the time we were training, and we were supposed to get all 10s with shooting, but Jungwoo missed every single one."

"Ya, really! I got 6, it's not bad."

"You're classified as blind, Woo. Don't you know?" Taeil laughed with Johnny. "He's really fit, but the guns and him aren't good couple."

"I have hidden talent with guns."

"And it stays hidden, Jungwoo." Johnny rolled his eyes. "And you Y/N? Have you ever held a gun?"

"Not really. I am clueless about all the weapons. Even knives. The only knife I've ever came across, was the one to peel the apples. Really."

"Then why did you join us? I mean, our job is almost like American CIA or FBI. I know your analyst, but why here?"

Taeil asked you question, and you froze for a minute. Jungwoo noticed your confused expression, and get you out of the awkward situation.

"Discrimination? Just because she wasn't trained like us means, she can't work with us? Ya, Moon Taeil, I thought you wasn't a jerk."

All of you were laughing, and you were thankful for him saving you.

"No! Sorry, I just-"

"I was bored. Math teacher isn't exciting, right? I found there was a need for analyst, so I applied. I need adrenaline in my life."

"Don't we all?" Mark sighed. "But our job is kinda boring. We don't do much nowadays."

"And nice. We should rest." Johnny took a sip of sojuu. "Let's drink and have a blast before coming back to that shithole in two days."

Two hours passed, and you were ready to come back home. Boys seems to have fun, and they planned to go Taeil's place to have more sojuu and watch movies.

"I really gotta go. I had fun, and I really like you, but it's getting darker." You claimed, while taking your coat on. "Bye."

They waved you goodbye, but Mark stopped you.

"Wait! Jungwoo is totally wasted, and he's asking if you could drive him home. I mean, you're the only one who wasn't drinking." He held his neck. "If no, then we can call the cab."

"No need for that." You smiled. "I'll get his drunk ass and get him to his place. Where's he?"

Jungwoo was sitting on the passenger seat, and he was white as ghost.

"Woo, are you alright?"

"I think Imma throw up." The mumble wasn't clear, and it took you a second to understand.

"Shit, wait. We're going to my place, it's closer. You look like you're about to pass out. You can stay the night."

"Can I?"

"Oh, shut up."

Taking Jungwoo into your place wasn't an easy task. He was 6ft, and his ass wouldn't hurry up, which made you go to the door for about 10 minutes.

"Here, sit down and drink some water." You passed him the glass. "Are you going to throw up?"

"I am not sure."

"Sit there, I'll take a shower. If you need to throw up, there's a bowl under the sink."

Jungwoo saluted, and you chuckled. You must admit, he was kinda cute. You slapped yourself mentally for that thought. You can't think about him in that way, after all he's your dead husband friend.

You came back to Jungwoo laying on the couch with his eyes closed, thinking he was sleeping, you was walking on your tippy toes.

"I'm not sleeping, Y/N. Can you come here?" He opened his arm. "C'mon. Please. I am so drunk, I can't. I need a hug."

"Jungwoo, I don't think-"

"Just lay down, and relax. I'm not going to touch you, c'mon."

Jungwoo made space for you. Being this close to him, made you nervous. It's been a while since you was this close to a man.

"Why aren't you sleeping, dumbass? You look like a ghost.

"Ah, really. I still have a time. You know what, I really respect you, Y/N. I admire how strong you are, and how smart you are. Really. I'm always surprised because of you."

"Jungwoo, don't sugarcoat me." You chuckled. "You're drunk."

"I mean it. I really, really mean it. I'm happy you're moving on with your life. Jaehyun was lucky to have you, you know. I've been jealous of him." You chuckled, because drunk Jungwoo was funny and he wasn't aware of his words. "Don't laugh. We all were jealous of you two."

"Woo, please. There's other couples like that. It's a past. I need to move on, and I did, to be honest. I'm not thinking about Jaehyun that much." There was a bit of truth in that. You couldn't tell others about your plan, so it was better to make them think you really moved on, but at the other hand. You missed being loved. "I think I should date again."

"Ya, that's what I'm saying!" He said confidently with a pout. "I agree. But Y/N. I really like you. We've been hanging out a lot past weeks, and I really like you. I found you pretty and I'd like to kiss you."

Before you could answer, surprised with his confession he was long asleep on his back. Your heart skipped a beat, because you had no clue someone have a crush on you. Someone like Kim Jungwoo. You knew Jaehyun would like you to date one of his friends, instead of complete stranger.

"If I ever pass away, please. Y/N date either Johnny or Jungwoo." He was caressing your cheek. "I know they would take great care of you. I trust them. If you'd date a stranger, they know to kill him, you know."

"Jaehyun don't even say that. Only person I'm going to date is you. Don't talk about your dead, you're not going to die."

"You never know. In this line of work, you gotta be ready for everything. I told them the same thing. Personally, I'd took Jungwoo. He isn't going to work the same job as long as he thought."

"Honey, you're my husband talking about dating your best friend. Let's not."

He chuckled and kissed you. Little did you know, Jaehyun was aware he didn't have much left to live.

"I like you too." You whispered, and fall asleep.

'I left to work. Sorry for the trouble! I don't even remember how did I end up at your place! Not mentioning, sleeping next to you. LOL. I was wasted as fuck. Sorry again! I made you breakfast, hope you like scrambled eggs with kimchi and toast. See ya at work! Jungwoo~'

Smile crept on your face, because it was lovely. It's been a long time since someone made you breakfast. You shook your head, and reminded yourself to not get distracted.

"I found something interesting." Doyoung said while eating cookies, Taeyoung bought. "Look."

He passed you his laptop, and there was files named after Jaehyun and they were marked as top secret. You opened them, and there were synopsis of him and his life. You were also mentioned there as his wife, but not much.

"What's interesting in there?"

"Look at the date of his death. 12th February. He was killed five days later. We have a direct evidence his death was planned."

"I knew it. Who else can open these?"

"Not many. Bosses and officers. There's many suspects, Y/N. I saw someone deleted some files, and I tried to recover them. I'm not sure if it's possible."

"Do your best, please. I am sure, Johnny and Jungwoo don't know exactly what happened with Jaehyun."

"How?"

You could tell he wasn't convinced.

"I just know. They must been suspicious of Yuta, that's why they were nervous."

"Remember, you can't be sure of anything."

"I know them longer than I do you. I can tell when something is off."

"Don't let your feelings take control of you."

"I don't."

Taeyong laughed.

"You're not as trained as we are. No one can be trusted. We're partners, we can trust each other, but them? I'm not sure."

"I shouldn't trust you, since I don't know you. But guess what. I'm doing my best, so please. Shut up." You got up. "I'm going to the company. If you have something, let me know."

As soon as you left, Doyoung called.

"Yuta, keep an eye on her in the company. Especially on Jaehyun's buddies."

"Fuck. I told you to get this idea out of her mind."

"Was I supposed to let her do it on her own, and get her killed? Jaehyun wouldn't be happy."

"She's getting too comfortable. We can't let her know everything, Doyoung. You deleted the files?"

"I did. I sent them."

"Good. Bye."

Kim Doyoung told you, he wasn't able to find the deleted files. You couldn't blame him for his failed mission, since he was doing already a lot. At the other hand, you tried asking people. Mentioning Jaehyun, but no a single soul had any idea about him, or his death.

Boys and you hang out again. This time, you got drunk. You didn't have to do much for work, since you got everything done before deadline. Jungwoo drive you home.

"Ah, Y/N. You're cute when you're drunk."

"I feel sarcasm, idiot."

"It's not." He laughed. "You look pretty. Here we are." He parked in front of your building. "Dummy."

"Kiss me then."

"What?"

"You said I'm pretty. Kiss me or you're lying."

You were way too drunk to care, or to be aware of your words.

"You're drunk-"

"Do it."

Jungwoo was looking into your eyes, the next second his hands cuped your cheeks and he was kissing you. The kiss lasted for few seconds, and it got you warmed up.

"Y/N-"

"Wanna come in?"

On your way to your place, both of you were kissing, not giving a damn about people passing you. It felt as if you two were waiting for this moment to come for the longest time ever. As you were kissing Jungwoo, you couldn't put the key in.

"Let me do it."

Next thing you remember, was the two of you undressing in your bedroom. Jungwoo didn't break the kiss, when he was getting your clothes off.

"I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time." He whined. "You really turn me the fuck on."

"Kim Jungwoo, just fuck me."

Both of you, too busy with each other, failed to notice tall silhouete standing in the dark corner of your place watching you. The man clenched his fists hard, feeling his blood boil. Jaehyun was watching his best friend fuckin his wife. He wanted to get out the shadow, and kill Jungwoo for it. He wanted to scream, but he knew he couldn't. Officialy, he's dead.

"I'll kill him." He whispered, and left as quiet as he entered.

Jung Jaehyun is very alive, and healthy.

Past days were peacful and relaxed, something you couldn't feel for a while. Jungwoo and you weren't dating yet. You wanted to take things slow, because at the back of your head, you could see Jaehyun.

Peace was broken, when Yuta paid you a visit.

"Listen, I don't care what you're doing with who, but I can't agree for you to lose your mind over someone." He sighed. "There's no one you can trust, especially Jaehyun's ex friends."

"The only person I shouldn't trust is you, Yuta. I don't know you at all, Doyoung and Taeyong don't talk about you, nor Jaehyun did. It's logical for me to trust them, not you."

Yuta felt as he was talking to a child. You were stubborn, way too much for Yuta's liking. His Japanese temper was getting real bad with you. He felt hopeless, because no matter how many times, he's telling you to stay away from Jaehyun ex co-workers, you don't listen.

"How do you know they didn't get their hands dirty with Jaehyun? What if they're involved but you don't know? You don't know them, Y/N. You have this pov of them as your husband's co-workers, not as actual people."

"Wait." You paused. "Don't you and boys know somethind I don't? Doyoung also told me to stay away from them. Why?"

"You know I don't." His body tensed up. "For some reason, as you claim, your husband didn't tell anything to them. I know, I know." He rolled his eyes. "It was dangerous, but they were friends for years, Y/N, years. Not even a word?"

Doyoung was walking down the woods, hidden from the city. Not many people visited the woods, because they weren't fameous as other one.

"You're alone?" Doyoung nodded as he entered small house. "What's up."

"You're not going to do anything with Jungwoo? He's fuckin your wife, Jaehyun. It's so painfully obvious. She likes him."

Jaehyun clenched his jaw.

"Not now. I can't just kill him out of the blue. For now, it's alright as long as he's not putting her in danger. I sent Yuta to talk to her, but she's not interested in his advice."

"Y/N is independant. I mean, she left the theraphy long ago, and her main goal is to find your killer."

"Only if she knew what really happened."

"Are you going to reveal yourself?"

"No. It's better if I'm away from her."

Finding a killer of your late husband was draining. Jungwoo didn't have a clue what you're up to. He found you looking through multiple files at night, but he never dared to ask what's that.

Taeyong tried his best at finding answers to your questions, but there were none. He felt like giving up, together with Doyoung. It was complicated to find people, who know something. It was like a never ending task.

"Jaehyun body was never found. I think I'd cry out of happines if he would be alive somehow." You admited to Doyoung, who was sipping on his coffee. "Sometimes I feel like he's still with me. His presence."

"Even after dating Jungwoo?"

"Yes. I can't explain that feeling, but he's there. His ghost, at least."

Doyoung made a mental note to inform Jaehyun to keep it lowkey, since you probably could tell something is off. Maybe Jaehyun wasn't doing great job with following you? It could ruin a lot.

"Ghosts aren't real. You miss him, so your imagination makes you feel like he's here. Simple."

"Yes, I know. Still, I'd like to hang out with him for the last time. Do you know what's last thing we did?"

"Tell us." Yuta said, and you rolled your eyes at him. "I'm just asking, I swear to God."

"We had a fight. Cliche, yes. We had a fight about him not being at home much, because of work. I even thought he was cheating on me, because none of his friends spent so much time at the company as he did." You chuckled. "Then I realized how stupid it sounds, and I apologized. The next morning we were supposed to go to our favorite cafe, but as y'all know. He vanished and got shot."

"Were you supposed to tell him about pregnancy?"

"Of course. I planned to talk with him at our favorite place, and let him know he's about to become a father."

"Life's a bitch."

"Exactly. But for you it's past. Paniful past, but past. Now you're living new life, maybe you really should give up on finding Jaehyun's killer."

And maybe Yuta was right.

"I think I should. I have no clues, and no one knows anything. I am tired. One day I will know the truth, but not now."

"Facts. You have Jungwoo, right? You're in love and-"

"I am not." You cut Doyoung off. "I like him, and he's my boyfriend, but I can't say I'm in love with him. It's far from that."

"Understood, miss."

Your apartament was empty when you come. Jungwoo would hang out with you after work, but today he had to leave to Busan with Johnny. As you were walking around, you heard noise. The first thing you did, was to run for a knife.

"I'll kill you, if you step any further." You hissed.

To your surprise, Taeyong came out of shadow. He was wearing all black, and had a sad smile on his face.

"Easy. I'm not here to kill you, Y/N. I'm leaving Korea tonight." He got the knife out of your hand, and put it down on the counter. "I'm here to tell you what I know."

"What's going on? Did something happened? Someone's after you?"

"Not yet." He sighed. "I got the informations from secret documents, that Doyoung blocked. I don't know why, probably for you to feel safer. I recovered them, and I found something disturbing. The messages from a week ago. The man who killed Jaehyun is about to kill you."

Your vision became blurry, and you felt your throat tightening, making it hard to breathe.

"Do you know who sent them?"

"I don't. They were between two people, they're anonymous. No one can know, but one of them is going to try to kill you anytime soon. Probably this week. Please, stay safe. Be ready for anything, buy a gun, whatever. You can't trust no one, Y/N. I gotta go. It'd be better for you to have security or don't leave your place at night. Don't stay alone, okay?"

"Taeyong, why-"

"I have to, Y/N. I could be in trouble for warning you, plus I don't want Doyoung to get hurt. I'll get in touch as soon as possible, but for now." He turned around. "Lock the door, and find a weapon."

You did as Taeyong said. No one knew about the plan of killing you. No one can be trusted, especially after what Taeyong told you. Not even Jungwoo knew, besides the fact he was sleeping next to you every night. He was keeping you close, but it wasn't enough. You felt scared.

Past days, you didn't notice anyone following you. Mark, and Taeil would drop you off from work since you told them your car is gettin repaired, even though it wasn't true. Yuta and Doyoung didn't sense your odd behaviour. They thought you have tough days with work, since you told them you're giving up at finding Jaehyun's killer. Well, seems like he found you.

"Y/N, dinner's ready." Jungwoo smiled at you warmly. "I made your favorite, and bought wine on my way home. Is that fine?"

"Jungwoo, you didn't have to do all of this. I am thankfull, I appreciate that. You're the best."

"Today is special day. I want us to have the best dinner, and most magical time ever."

"Why?" You chuckled surprised. "Did something happend?"

"No reason, just 7th sense."

Odd. Jungwoo was really happy today, as if something happened. You thought maybe it was because of a promotion, since he was about to level up at the Secret Forces.

"Oh, I think someone is calling me." Doyoung's name popped up on your screen, but Jungwoo was quick to take your phone out of your hands. "Jungwoo."

"Please. Tonight is about us, not about your friends. It's probably not that important anywas. Can we move on?"

Jungwoo was right. Doyoung was calling you pretty often, and you had no idea why. Sometimes he was asking about you, or sometimes he was bragging about some bullshit you had no interest in.

As you were sitting on your bed, you felt kind of dizzy. Your head was spinning, and Jungwoo's voice was hard to hear. You tried to stand up, but you couldn't.

"Jungwoo, what's going on?"

"What do you mean? Nothing."

"I feel-"

You got cut off by sudden banging on the door. Before you process what happened, there was a tall man in your bedroom. Both you and Jungwoo couldn't believe your own eyes.

"Ya, really." Jungwoo hissed. "You're fuckin kidding me, right."

"You wish, motherfucker." Jaehyun's voice made you weak. He was there. Alive. "Leave her, the fuck, alone."

"I thought I killed you, didn't I?" Jungwoo was cocky, and you were shocked. Kim Jungwoo? Your cute Kim Jungwoo, who doesn't even know how to hold a gun was Jaehyun's killer? And Jaehyun's alive? "You're tough cookie, Jaehyun."

"It's not that easy to get rid of me. Now, leave my wife alone and step back before I'll slit your throat open."

"Wow, easy there, superman. I thought you were dead, but turnes out I missed? Fuck. I'll try better now."

"What is going on?" You asked still dizzy. "Jaehyun, you're alive. What happened? Please, tell me." Your eyes got wattery.

"Y/N, I need you to leave the bedroom. Leave the place, and call Doyoung and Yuta. Now."

"Nope, please."

Before you could do anything else, Jungwoo was coming at you with a knife, but Jaehyun pushed you away. You were on all four, creeping out of the bedroom. Seems like Jungwoo gave something in your drink or food. You lost balance, and you were laying down on the floor in the kitchen. Only banging, and grunts were heard from your bedroom. You were losing conciousness, while trying hard to not and to hear what's going on.

"Your wife is good in bed, huh. You have no clue how satisfied I was, knowing I was fuckin what belonged to you, Jaehyun." Jungwoo spitted blood out of his mouth. "I felt glory."

"You sick fucker." He punched his enemy in the face. "Don't mention my wife again. You fucked up our life. I thought you were my best friend. You're a traitor, Jungwoo and you'll pay for it."

"I don't think anyone would believe you." Jungwoo smirked.

"Doyoung have everything on you. Yuta too. They did nothing, because you picked to get close to Y/N. She couldn't know what happened. Not then."

"I knew I should've killed her sooner."

Without any word, Jaehyun got his gun and shot Jungwoo in his head. Bullet went through his brain, making a mess in your bedroom. Jungwoo's liveless body dropped on the floor, on the pool of blood.

You opened your eyes, and closed them right after. It was too light for you, and it was painful. You tried the second time, and you could feel shift on the surface you were on.

"Y/N? Oh, thank God you woke up." Jaehyun took your hand in his, and you felt overwhelmed with emotions. Your husband. Your true love was alive. "I am so sorry for everything, darling. I fucked up, but I am here again. This time forever."

"You're alive. Why did you do it to me? Why did you leave me and didn't come back?" You were crying, while Jaehyun was holding his tears in. "I was waiting for you to come back. Deep down I wasn't done with the fact you're dead. You have no idea what you put me through."

"I did it all to keep you safe. I couldn't risk your life, because of me, Y/N. I couldn't lose you, that's why. I was keeping an eye on you from afar. Doyoung, Taeyong and Yuta helped me. They tried to keep you away from Jungwoo."

"Jungwoo." You whispered. "Is he dead?" He nodded. "You killed him."

"I mean, he tried to kill me first. He was involved in case with taxi driver, and corruption. He was money laundering with our boss, and got big check for 'killing' me. Thankfully, he missed my heart by inches. Doyoung helped me."

"You could've told me. At least warn me. I missed you so much for past year. I thought I'm going to die, because of your loss. Do you have any idea how it is?"

"I don't and I'm sorry. I know your life was turned upside down, but I love you. I always been and I always will. Now, I'll gotta do my best for world to see what happened. I have proof of every illegal thing they've done."

You nodded, and tried to stop sobbing.

"Why didn't you kill Jungwoo back then?"

"Because they said, they're watching you. Before they tried to kill me, they blackmailed me. They had soldiers stalking you, and told me if something goes wrong, you're dead. Then everything is history. Listen, I love you too much. I had to do it for us." He kissed your hand. "I am sorry about pregnancy, I had no idea you were pregnant. Maybe if I knew, I'd stop and-"

"Jaehyun, no." You cut him off mid sentence. "No. It's not our fault. Shit happenes. I got over it a year ago. It's our past. Now I understand your motives. I am not mad anymore, but please. Let's move out from here, and let's start new life somewhere else."

"I've always wanted to live in Switzerland."

"Sounds great."

Jaehyun chuckled, and leant in to kiss you. After all the dark times, you could kiss your lover. Jaehyun was finally with you. Maybe there's still a chance for better days.

[restlessmaknae]

restlessmaknae's request event [guide]

Celebrating 6 years on Tumblr and a number of followers I thought I would never reach, I would like to repay you for your love and support in the form of a request event. Writing is a hobby of mine that allows me to escape, to push my boundaries, and to leave an impact on readers. Even if you crack a smile, laugh at the words or feel understood by them, I'm truly honoured that you've joined me on this journey. 💞

Now, onto the good stuff.

As voted by you, readers, in a previous poll of mine, you can request stories based on genres, settings, but you can also throw a prompt into the mix.

HOW DOES THAT WORK?

You send me an ask with a genre and/or setting and a certain idol in mind, but you can add a prompt from these lists as well (they might help with certain settings):

Prompt list #1: Enemies to lovers but one is injured

Prompt list #2: Prompts for ex-lovers

Prompt list #3: Sacred romantic moments

Prompt list #4: Hurt comfort starters

Prompt list #5: "I HATE YOU, BUT I JUST DID SOMETHING TO HELP YOU AND NOW I NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF" prompts

Here are some examples:

best friends to lovers with Jake (Enhypen)

prince!Intak (P1Harmony) in a fantasy kingdom

zombie apocalypse au with Serim (Cravity) + enemies to lovers

[prompt] with Hyunsuk (CIX)

[prompt] with Hyunsuk (CIX) + exes to lovers

[prompt] with Hyunsuk (CIX) + exes to lovers + murder mystery

RULES

Smaus, bulleted stories and reaction stories can't be requested

I don't write smut, and if I feel uncomfortable by your request, I have the right to reject it and not write it

Only member x reader/OC, no member x member stories can be requested (you can specify if you want a gender-neutral reader insert story, otherwise I write female!reader stories)

I decide on how long the story will be, but I plan on writing stories less than 5k for this event (so expect drabbles and one-shots)

There's no deadline by which I plan on posting your story, it depends on how much time I have beside my full-time job and how much inspiration I have for your requested story - so please, bear with me, I'll get around to it as soon as I can 🥰

One user can request up to 2 stories - for tagging reasons, I kindly ask you to let me know about the blog you want me to tag in case you would write the ask on anon (for instance, if your main blog isn't kpop-related, you can write on anon and tell me your kpop sideblog's URL/username)

I close the requests after receiving 12 requests or by 30th September - whichever comes first

I will combine all the requests into a masterlist as soon as they start coming in, so you know that I've received your message

BANDS/ARTISTS YOU CAN MAKE REQUESTS FOR:

A.C.E

ATEEZ

CIX

CRAVITY

ENHYPEN

EPEX

GOLDEN CHILD

NCT (Mark, Johnny, Jaehyun, Doyoung, all of WayV)

ONEUS

P1HARMONY

PENTAGON

SF9

THE BOYZ

TXT

VERIVERY

VICTON

WEI

Soloists: Kang Daniel, Woodz, Demian, Ong Seungwoo, Park Jihoon

If you have more questions, don't hesitate to ask me!

Otherwise, enjoy the event and request to your heart's content! 🥰

Tagging everyone on my taglist in case you would be interested in requesting (some I couldn't tag, unfortunately): @dat-town, @stories-inbetween-the-stars, @koishua, @tranquilpetrichor, @americanokisses, @effulgentfireflies, @kuleo26, @wccycc, @littlestartonightsposts, @squiishymeow, @sunooslover, @heyditseeey, @syrxiee2, @tsunchani, @hyunjinswife, @sweetjaemss, @laaylaaz, @fvrteez, @chaeryeongs-wife, @hyu-won, @bamboongi, @kyusqult, @chang-ryul, @winterbeartaehyungbestboy, @i2kittenz, @miafox117, @hannieyooon, @soobin-chois, @ishuayou

[jnnul]

jnnul’s [works in progress]

a/n: this work in progress list is also a work in progress - but everything on here is stuff that ended up surviving the writer’s fallout purge (where i inevitably delete all the documents of fics i no longer have the passion to write). there is a new and updated second version of this masterlist for the newer ideas that i’ve been working on.

ready for love - jeno x fem!reader (ft. tbz’s juyeon) (non-idol au)

sum.: a boy who has never taken a relationship seriously. a girl who is seriously over relationships. when they end up finding each other, will they let their ideas of what a relationship should be like ruin their relationship before it even starts?

word count: 19.5k

release date: tues, nov 21, 2023

tags: slice of life, friends to lovers but also...it’s complicated?, everything is just complicated for no reason in this fic they’re just dramatic af, jaemin and y/n are platonic besties

status: released!

of sword and ink - juyeon x fem!southasian!oc (silla era au)

sum.: where an indian princess is sent to the silla dynasty in order to promote trade through the means of political alliance - marriage. however, the princess soon discovers that the king she is to marry is not like what the stories say he is.

est word count: 30-40k

est release date: may 2024 (or never lol)

tags: dynasty meets the crown meets game of thrones minus the incest, just a lot of politics and a lot of poorly concealed government smacktalk, if i go missing after this one it’s bc i made too many innuendos abt capitalism

status: writing (700 words lmao)

five questions - mark x gn!reader (non-idol au)

sum.: did you know it only takes five questions to find your soulmate?

est word count: 4-5k

release date: wed, june 27, 2023

tags: finance bro mark and y/n, slice of life, mostly fluff, kinda your typical suburban modern day couple, idk they’re just good ppl who experience a slow and sweet romance, oh! and mark sucks at beer pong

status: released!

great teacher y/n - jaehyun x reader (teacher/school au)

sum.: teaching high school kids about physics and mathematics was not your career plan. but turns out the government is serious about collecting their loans and there simply isn’t any way to do that without a job. so when nasa doesn’t work out, you turn to teaching physics at a prestigious academy - copernicus academy. as you navigate between being a good teacher, new friends, and possibly even romance, you realize that sometimes, the unexpected plans are the best ones.

est word count: 11k

est release date: august 2024

tags: still fleshing this one out bois

status: on hiatus

peaches - yang jungwon x reader (neighbor au)

sum.: when you pie your [really-hot] neighbor in the face on accident, you never imagine that you’re gonna have to be wheeling him to the hospital because who the fuck is allergic to peaches? yang jungwon, apparently. but you come to learn that yang jungwon is so much more than his unfortunate allergy to peaches and his pretty face and you’re stuck wondering if falling in love with someone you can’t have is worth it.

word count: 2.9k

release date: june 4, 2024

tags: this one’s sad bois, bullet fic, like ngl, when i was planning this one, i teared up a little bit, sorry in advance tw: major character death, terminal illness, just...not meant for the weak-hearted

status: released!

[aris-c0rner]

beautiful deception || preface.

𝐏 𝐑 𝐄 𝐅 𝐀 𝐂 𝐄 :

At a glance, the Tuesday that changed your life started out as nothing more than an ordinary early autumn morning. The leaves were painted gold while they held on dearly to the trees, the birds were beginning to cross overhead towards warmer climates, and there was only a faint chill in the breeze when it swept gently through the streets. Everything was calm, and everything was familiar. Even your walk along the outskirts of downtown Pyongston was the same as it always was; you passed by the same houses and complexes as you'd passed the morning before, the scenery a constant on your way to the local college.

The only thing that was different on that fateful Tuesday morning was the bullet that ripped through your shoulder in the middle of a run-down convenience store.

∞♛∞♛∞

𝐂 𝐇 𝐀 𝐑 𝐀 𝐂 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 𝐒 :

❍ Mark Lee: black hair (think regular era) mysterious, quirky, intelligent and quick witted; favorite color is blue, likes fall, and has the dorkiest laugh. mark lee is the jack of all trades, ace member, third in command, & backup mission head.

❍ Song Y/N: welcome to your story! for fic purposes, you are a med student in the fictional town of pyongston, south korea, completing a degree to work in the big shot hospitals. you are considered as a goody two-shoes student, never seen without a book; you’re a quick thinker, with a very logical mind and high intelligence. your fatal flaw is your curiosity and inquisitive nature, which puts you in some pretty dangerous situations. you’ve not got many friends, you prefer to stick to yourself (this also for the purpose of plot, as having many friends would raise suspicion lol.) your strengths will be revealed later.

∞♛∞♛∞

𝐓 𝐇 𝐄  1 2 7  𝐆 𝐀 𝐍 𝐆 :

❍Lee Taeyong: gang leader, main planning coordinator, main fighter ❍ Moon Taeil: tech, hacking and engineering, general support ❍ Dong Sicheng (WinWin): gunslinger, training head, combat fighter ❍ Nakamoto Yuta: combat fighter, communications lead, security detail ❍ Johnny Seo: missions leader, skilled weaponry, planning team head ❍ Lee Haechan: explosives & mechanics, auto, getaway driver ❍ Jung Jaehyun: media coverage, smoothtalking, negotiations master ❍ Kim Doyoung: covert operations, stealth missions transport, scouter — the rest of the characters will be introduced later. ∞♛∞♛∞

𝐈 𝐍 𝐅 𝐎 :

❏Setting: fictional town of Pyongston, South Korea ❏Time: around present day, but i left out ages and all that because it’s been years since i started this and i just cannot keep up with them all. ❏Genre: fanfiction; found family, lots of action, angst, fluffy romance, slow burn ish, obviously this is a gang au, features all of nct (ot21, nct 2018); heaps of plot but i balanced it out with lots of cuteness so don't be intimidated ❏Pairing: y/n × mark lee; no love triangles bc love triangles suck booty!! ❏Other notes: all events in this book are a production of my imagination, so I apologize if there are any coincidental similarities to real life. please contact me if you believe this book to be copying other works. also, if you've come across a fic extremely similar to this on wattpad, then don't worry bc i wrote that one as well. i just switched it over to tumblr because of the target audience (also reader inserts are way more fun).

༄ read at your own discretion- there won't be any smut in this book, but there is some potentially mature stuff because nct is hot; also contains cussing, gang-related crime, violence, and minor bloodshed, as well as some graphic content that is flagged with markers throughout the fic. please don't interact if you aren't comfy with the material within! xoxo, ari™

[diaryujin]

𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

One, two, connect! We are ENHYPEN!

fluff - ☁️ angst - 🦋 series - 🌸 oneshot - 🎧 drabble - 💐

lee heeseung

You're Jealous (You Shouldn't Be) (☁️ + 🦋, 🎧)

─☆ friends to lovers, 1.3k words

you were tired of waiting around for heeseung to confess. so, to rile him up, you go on a 'date' with his best friend, jake.

park jongseong (jay)

A Bullet To My Heart, A Bullet To My Head (🦋, 🎧)

─☆ exes to (not so) lovers, 2.7k words

being part of a gang that murders isn't as badass and cool as those silly romance novels make it out to be. it involves questions, regrets, and tough decisions, including ones related to your ex, jay.

sim jaehyun (jake)

Nothing here yet.

park sunghoon

Love Stained Crown (🦋, 🌸)

─☆ royal au, prince x guard, 8.1k words

sunghoon has never felt any spark in his heart, none of that silly love he’s read about in novels in his free time. No one interested him, and it wasn’t like his father, the king, would let him have friends, male or female, for fear of being betrayed or developing feelings for them. He lived a life of isolation, excited for nothing – neither the idea of being married to a pretty princess nor becoming the next ruler of the Park kingdom. He most certainly did not expect you, his new guard, to change all that. He did not expect you to brighten his days and light up his heart.

kim sunoo

Nothing here yet.

yang jungwon

Diary Entries Filled With Her (🦋, 🌸)

─☆ classmates to lovers, written in the form of diary entries

yang jungwon preferred to keep to himself and his best friend, sunghoon, not really interacting with anyone else. he wrote about his life in his diary, and recently, he's been writing more about a certain newcomer into his small, troubled world. jang y/n.

nishimura riki (ni-ki)

Nothing here yet.

ot7

Orange Flower (☁️, 💐)

─☆ bf! enha x fem! reader, 1.1k words

they would do anything you asked them to – be it moving mountains or draining rivers. they’d do it, no matter how stupid it was. however, your simple request is there to put that love to test.

OR you ask the boys if they could peel your orange for you

[nsheetee]

Can you do a Jaehyun x reader where she's a foreign idol and also his crush and bff, and then SM makes the two sing and dance together?

warnings/details: female reader, best friends to lovers, light fluff, and just a tad bit of suggestive dancing/kissing at the end

you and jaehyun have been best friends for longer than you’ve been idols

when you moved to south korea, you were a bit nervous to go to school and to make new friends

your korean wasn’t the best, and you weren’t sure if people would accept you

however, you met jaehyun

the one thing you knew you would always love about him is his kindness

his thoughtful and considerate heart, even at a young age, made you comfortable around him

you thought he would get annoyed by how you stuck to him throughout your younger years

but he never did, and you became best friends

although you didn’t join SM entertainment at the same time, your friendship never diminished because of your new careers

in fact, it only furthered the cohesion between NCTzens and your own group’s fans once people found out about your and jaehyun’s long friendship

people absolutely loved how you would sometimes spill embarrassing stories about jaehyun from his childhood

and whenever the two of you interacted at award shows, it warmed people’s hearts and at least a few hashtags trended worldwide over the interaction

however, jaehyun has a secret

one that he has kept from you and even from his own members

he has a crush

a major, heart-wrenching, always-on-his-mind, hands sweating, and heart palpitating crush

on you

his best friend

what hurts him the most is that he thinks he’ll never be able to act on it

so many things seem to stand in the way:

the physical distance between you and him

the amount of fans he has solely for his bachelor status 

and his career

but one day, during a meeting, your careers are surprisingly the factor that brings you two together

“you’ll be doing a duet, jaehyun.” his manager explained, “with y/n.”

“oh? cool.” he tried to sound indifferent, but the excitement in his voice didn’t fool anyone

“it’ll be a station, with a music video, and you’ll have to learn some choreography with her.” 

other than being excited to spend so much more time with you, jaehyun is also excited to be sharing his passion with his best friend

no matter what other activities jaehyun does, singing and dancing is his first priority amongst all of them

and getting to share that with you, who he knows is also passionate about your career, is thrilling to him

he doesn’t get nervous until he hears the demo of the song

hearing the slower tempo, the heavy bass, and reading the lyrics, his ears turn red at the thought of sharing this song with you

his best friend, and his crush

“wow.” you exclaim after the first listen to the demo, “I love it!”

“me too.” jaehyun admits shyly, hoping no one notices his bashfulness

he really does, but he can’t contain his erratic heart at the moment

the song is seductive, about two people overcoming boundaries to be together

he can’t help but think the song is perfect for the situation he’s in

jaehyun enjoyed recording the song with you

he knew he would have fun and be able to be himself in the studio while you were there

his crush on you grew bigger, if possible, at seeing you passionately singing and asking to give your parts another try when you didn’t like how the last recording turned out

you’re a perfectionist, and it’s a characteristic that jaehyun secretly adores about you

it was all fun and games until the time to learn choreography came

jaehyun mentally psyched himself up all morning

he added an extra shot in his americano and put on some extra cologne, doing just the little things that he knew would give him a confidence boost

the choreography, just as you and jaehyun expected, is hot

lots of dancing close together, your bodies holding barely any space 

jaehyun’s shyness flies out the practice room’s door the second he becomes more comfortable

his hands, which have never felt foreign to you before, strategically wander on you as if it’s the last time they’ll ever touch you

even during learning and practicing the choreography, he’s intense, and his large stage presence almost dominates you

until you wordlessly fight back with your own confidence and assertiveness

it only makes jaehyun’s heart beat harder

the hours of dancing leave sweat dripping down your necks and chests heaving from exertion 

the choreographer leaves, telling you and jaehyun to take a break to get lunch, but you both decide to work out a move that has been tripping you both up before getting food

the move isn’t super complicated; jaehyun uses one arm around your waist to dip you down and swing you across the floor

“so… what’s the problem here? it’s not that difficult, or off-beat…” you ask 

“it’s just… your head is really close to the floor, and you’re not holding onto me while I swing you around… it’s kinda nerve-wracking. I don’t want to drop you.” jaehyun explains, making you smile at him gently

“hey,” you tap on the beak of his snapback, “I trust you completely. I know you won’t drop me… and if you do, I’m not made of porcelain. I’ll live.” you joke, and jaehyun reluctantly nods 

you start the music, completing the moves that lead up to your trouble spot

the fear of hurting you makes jaehyun freeze, and he wraps his arm around your waist, stopping you from throwing your weight towards the floor

“jaehyun?” you pout, holding onto his shirt, “what’s wrong?”

he doesn’t say anything, his one arm still wrapped around you and his other hand resting on the curve of your waist

the music continues, heavy bass shaking the wood floor and permeating what little space is in between you and jaehyun

he looks at you, lips pursed and eyes flickering over your face

his head subconsciously leans closer to you, his soft hazel eyes shining even in the dim lighting of the practice room

you don’t know what has suddenly gotten into him, but you’re not about to stop it at anytime

it would be ridiculously hard to spend your whole life around jaehyun and not fall in love with him, you’re sure you’re not the only one who has such feelings

but right now, you are the girl in his arms, with his lips ghosting over yours, and his heart beating along with your own 

and so you take the chance to show jaehyun your own feelings by making the first move

rising on your toes ever-so-slightly, your lips meet

your hands immediately find jaehyun’s hair, throwing his hat somewhere on the floor to run your hands through his dark blue locks

your lips crush against each other, like the collision of two cars, but way less disastrous and way more beautiful

kissing someone usually requires a lot of effort, but the way jaehyun moves with you and the way you let your mind relax into the situation feels like you’re in paradise

no need for thinking, only feeling and loving and enjoying

you pull away first, but jaehyun has not had enough of you yet

he kisses your cheeks and jaw, making you giggle from the ticklish feeling

he rests his forehead against your sweaty neck, not minding the heat between you two at all

you both take a minute to calm down, realizing what just happened, and waiting for the other to make the first move

“do you hate me?” jaehyun asks into your collarbones, his voice like a small child 

he’s not really sure what to expect from you, hence his apprehension to turn his face to you

“yes, I hate you so much.” you reply sarcastically, pulling at his hair gently for him to face you, “that’s why I kissed you like that.”

“well, then that means I hate you, too. I absolutely despise you.”

[jaehyunavenue]

greek gods!nct

taeyong as hades, god of the underworld

{ eek i’m so excited about writing this !!! this isn’t even part one, it’s more of an introduction and it’s just tae and y/n meeting but i promise it’s gonna get better soon !! i’m also planning on making this a series so, y’know.. please show some love and support if you like the idea ? i’m also planning on writing not just bullet scenarios, but actual scenarios too ,, drop by my inbox for requests maybe ?}

part two ✨

🕸ok so hear me out

🕸you were frantically running

🕸mostly cause a snow storm was supposed to hit your city later that day

🕸and like, you’re a florist !! and you grow your flowers outside !!! you’ve been pretty succesful and you have a few loyal customers already but it hasn’t been that long since you started and you’re young and

🕸...you forgot to buy tarps to cover your plants with if it rains/snows

🕸and oh boy !!!! mother nature hasn’t been happy cause it’s april and suddenly you have this snow storm situation

🕸and you cant even order them from amazon cause they’re not gonna get here in time !!

🕸you’ve already dropped by a few of ur favorite stores and they’re all out of tarps cause apparently you weren’t the only one who was like “???”

🕸so you’re heading home as the sun begins to set and the only thing you can think of are the colorful flowers in your backyard that pay your bills and make you so happy

🕸,,,that are going to die in the next 24hs

🕸you’re outside, trying to improvise a tarp out of trashbags

🕸when u hear this huge commotion from the other side of the house (you have this lil arrangement where you live in one house that’s divided into two appartments)

🕸and you share a garden so you can’t help but peak thru the glass doors of the other part of the house bcause wth?? it’s enough that your plants are gonna die ?? you don’t wanna die either

🕸so you’re trynna sneak a peek when suddenly the curtains go flying and you’re staring straight at the face of, you know

🕸probably only the most hANDSOME man you’ve ever seen in your entire life

🕸and he’s looking at you too bcause why is there a girl in my backyard two minutes after i move in ??

🕸but he figures you’re his neighbour (altho a very noisy one apparently) so he opens the huge ceiling to floor doors and steps out

🕸”hey, i’m taeyong,,, uh,, sorry if the movers were too loud,,,”

🕸and he explains to you how he was supposed to move in tmrw but he came a day early bcause of the snow storm

🕸uhh except,,, he was rlly handsome so ,,, it didnt register that he’s you’re neighbor

🕸he was staring at you intensely, probably waiting for you to introduce yourself

🕸”ah! im y/n,,” you say, realising how akward you just made this entire encounter bcause of your weird timing

🕸that’s when you notice that taeyong is looking at the four black trash bags you’re currently wrestling in your arms

🕸”uh i promise i’m not trying to get rid of a body !!! i’m just trying to make sure my flowers dont die !!” you say

🕸and you realize how weird that sounded bcause,, u’know,, theres more explainable uses for trash bags than disposing bodies

🕸but bfore you can apologize you see him crack a smile !!!

🕸looks? check

🕸macabre sense of humor? chECK

🕸”would you like some help?” he asks as he’s looking at the flowers behind you

🕸”i would appreciate that so so much, thank you taeyong-ssi”

🕸”just taeyong’s fine” he says, and it’s like he’s smiling, but his eyes are still focused on something that’s not there? oh god you’re staring again

🕸so he bends down to help but before you know it, the sky goes gray as if someone turned off a light switch and it starts snOWING

🕸you’re like “oh no !!! my flowers !” bcause you were just explaining to taeyong how you run a flower store that’s just around the corner

🕸but taeyong is looking up at the sky and his face is a mixture of half pissed and half very very sorry

🕸so he mutters a lil “i have to talk to the movers real quick, sorry” and ushers back into his apartment

🕸(taeyong was swearing so hard at demeter, the goddess of nature and seasons, bcause of cOURSE she couldn’t let go of the biggest grudge against anyone in the existance of ever)

🕸(and of coURSE, she had to ruin his friendly neighbor’s flowers)

🕸you were confused bcause why did he offer to help in the first place then??

🕸to add to your confusion, it stopped snowing ??? how do you go from full on snow storm to noTHING in 2 minutes

🕸welp, you rushed to cover your flowers as you stole glances at taeyong’s door

🕸you heard the movers leave and he wasn’t coming back so, u know, cleArly...

🕸he wasn’t too excited about having you as a neighbor

🕸well, two could play that game

[kmgkmg]

THE ONE - JUNG JAEHYUN

word count: 1.5k...

pairing: jaehyun x gn!reader

synopsis: you arrive at the crowded party at different times, eventually meeting which makes you both feel relieved.

genre/s: fluff, college!au, non-idol!au, fratboy!jaehyun, bf!jaehyun

warnings: drug (weed) mention, alcohol mention (beer pong mentioned so idk if it counts but just in case)

rating: pg-13

a/n: hiiiiiiii, my first fic omg how exciting!! i’ve done little bullet points on old blogs but never something this structured? i blame it on reading so many fics during fall break. i tried to write jae pretty similar to what i think his personality is but if y’all think it’s inaccurate lmk, constructive criticism is always welcomed! i listened to vanjess while writing this so inspired by the one by vanjess!

Your eyes desperately shifted from one side of the room to the other, unaware of Jaehyun’s presence behind you. His walking quickly fastens as he wants to be with you even sooner seeing your uneasiness. Even with his quickened pace, you were still towards the front of this huge frat house while he was towards the back. Why did this house have to be so damn crowded? Yangyang said this was only supposed to be a chill kickback with friends from campus and work, but Jaehyun could swear there were at least 80 people in the house. He didn’t even want to think about how many more people were outside, conscious and unconscious. Still, he tries to maintain his cool and squeeze past people as fast as he can, even avoiding greetings from friends he hadn’t seen in a long time.

He always seemed to sense when something was wrong. Although you were visibly anxious regarding the unfamiliar environment of this party, he could always tell when you needed to be tended to. Hell, he was the first person in your life to notice one of your most hidden nervous tendencies. 

Back in the course you first met for the first time, you were singled out by a classmate during a class discussion and it happened to be the day you didn’t do the reading. You thought cracking your knuckles had been a pretty ordinary thing to do, but once Jaehyun had noticed you cracking your third knuckle his face wore a worried expression, clearly aware of you being uncomfortable with the spotlight being on you. In what you viewed as an act of idiocy rather than being heroic, Jung Jaehyun proudly raised his hand and decided to sacrifice himself for you. He made up a quick lie about how you had been filling him in on the readings since he was hungover, he elaborated that you had made a great point about the debate that helped him comprehend everything. All your professor could do was ask for confirmation to what Jaehyun was saying and all you could do is mindlessly nod your head, shocked that the frat boy who constantly comes in hungover actually did his readings. The course wasn’t a requirement for Jaehyun’s major of architecture, which was even more of a surprise. Since when were frat boys versed on Gramsci’s theories?

After Jaehyun saved your ass you profusely thanked him after class, asking if there was any way that you could show your gratitude towards him. He chuckled, since your demeanor with him was much more uptight than he had seen you interact with your friends outside of class. “If you’re really thankful towards me, how about a date?” He asks you, patiently waiting for your response. 

You had really painted him in the wrong light by minimizing him to his frat status only and he did help you. You usually would say no to a man asking you out so suddenly, especially since today was your first time talking, but Jaehyun was different. You had a weak spot for pretty men and Jaehyun was the epitome of such. You snap out of your thoughts, suddenly aware again of the man standing in front of you. “Sure, can I have your Instagram so we can decide the details later? I have another class across campus to get to soon.”

You hadn’t expected to like Jaehyun and your guys’ first date as much as you did, but he was full of surprises. He had invited you to his favorite record shop/cafe and selected a vinyl by The Internet to play while you decided what you wanted to order. You got to know each other and realized the absurd amount of things you had in common, from music taste and favorite TV shows to overall philosophies towards life. Gradually you went on more and more dates and now have been a couple for almost three years. Although some of Jaehyun’s frat friends were notorious for being heartbreakers and fuckboys around campus, Jaehyun himself had been labeled the mysterious prince at your university so it was big news when he officially announced you on his Instagram as his significant other.

Returning to the party at hand, Jaehyun was originally supposed to pick you up after his work shift, but you got busy with studying for midterms and insisted that he left with his friends and you would meet him at the party. The problem with you guys meeting like originally planned is that he left with Yuta and Jaemin, a duo that basically asks for trouble. Jaehyun likes his friends, he really does, but he should’ve known that they would pregame and have a couple rips from their bong before heading over to the house. Jaemin becomes mush which is never an issue but Yuta’s energy level turns tenfold his regular tension and he thinks that he’s invincible. After Jaehyun pulled out his phone to text you an update that he was in the backyard playing beer pong with some friends, his mistake was not realizing the still very stoned Yuta was next to him and determined to win this round. Yuta grabbed his phone with unremarkable speed and chucked it over Jaehyun’s head, conveniently landing in the pool. 

“Dude, what the actual fuck?” Jaehyun, clearly exasperated, frowns at his friend.

“We’re supposed to win this game, for the pride of our fraaaaaaaat! This isn’t the time to text your precious Y/N,” Yuta slurs, “you neverrrrr hang out with us anymore bro.”

Jaehyun sighs, “Well, can you see why I don’t when you act like this? You know that Y/N is coming by themselves, you know that I’m protective over them. There’s so many peopl- Nevermind, I’m not going to try to reason with you when you’re stoned.” 

Fast forward to now, Jaehyun is continuously calling your name, while you are still busy scanning the room to find someone you know. It didn’t help that the music was blasting so loud the whole house was practically shaking with the bass of the song. You had tried to text Jae with the texts being left on delivered and when you tried to call Jae numerous times, his phone instantly went to voicemail. Of course you were oblivious of Yuta’s destroying of Jae’s phone and your mind automatically went to the worst that he was mad at you for not going with him. While there was a little part in the back of your mind that knew he would never get mad at you over something as trivial as that, especially since you were studying, your mind always resorted to the most unreasonable scenarios. You still hadn’t removed your jacket, giving up hope that this house had anything even slightly resembling a coat room. If anything, they probably made Mark’s room the ‘coat room’, you smiled slightly envisioning Mark being stressed walking into his room and seeing coats piled in his room. Finally, you thought to yourself, my nerves are calming down. Who would’ve thought that thinking about your boyfriend’s younger friend being irritated would make you happy?

“Y/NNNNN!” You hear a familiar voice shout from behind you. You’re pretty certain that if you moved one second faster you would’ve given yourself whiplash at the speed in which you turned your neck to see the source of the sound. As expected, you could see Jaehyun about 10 feet away from you, waving his hand at you to see him. You both break into the biggest grins upon seeing that you finally found each other and wouldn’t have to stay at this house that became way too overpopulated anymore. “Jae!” You continue to grin while making your way to close the distance even sooner. As soon as you’re finally face-to-face with each other, he envelopes you with the biggest hug he could possibly make, “Babe, I’m so sorry Yuta literally drowned my phone and I couldn’t reach you.” You slightly break from his grip to look up at him in a mixture of confusion and amusement that Yuta did that, but soon went back to hugging him just as tight before saying, “It’s okay, I only showed up about 20 minutes ago, but could we maybe leave? It’s way more crowded than Yangyang’s usual parties.” Jaehyun quickly nods in agreement, still smiling that he was able to see you after a long day of work and a chaotic night with Yuta and the rest of his frat. 

“Record shop cafe and some late night snacks?” You propose and rub his back gently as you go from hugging to holding hands and navigating yourselves to leave the party. 

Jaehyun looks at you with love and complete adoration, finding himself at a loss of words for how much he loves you and how lucky he was to be the one to raise his hand and cover for you in class that one day. Probably forever unknowing to you, he had fallen for you on the first day of orientation of your first-year, and you are his first love. In his eyes, you are forever only the one who he sees himself spending the rest of his life with.

Without saying any of this, he simply nods again and lightly squeezes your hand in agreement to the new plans for the night. 

[nneoculture]

best friends to lovers w/ jaehyun (requested)

a/n hi so im not doing my requests in order im kinda just picking out what i feel like doing ,,, as for the hidden relationship au’s ..... they’re gonna take a looooooot longer bc my tiny brain can’t think of plots for the 6 remaining members that fast lol!! requests are open tho! 

(can someone request a soulmate au lol)

recent: prince!taeyong au (check my a/n in this one it means a lot to me i just wanna talk about it ok someone talk about it with me in my ask PLEASE)

request: hi! can you do a bestfriend!jaehyun scenario where y'all get into a fight bc jaehyun is avoiding u but it's bc he likes u? thanks!

genre: angst(?), fluff

so you and jaehyun have been best friends since you were little kids

its bc your parents are really close so you eventually got close as well

you two were inseparable growing up and u still are 

so now you two are going to the same uni

but yeah ANYWAY its break so yall are home for the next month or so

and you're just hanging out with jaehyun in his living room nothing special

yall are just watching buzzfeed unsolved, cuddled up on the couch, its pretty much a normal thing now

in the middle of watching you feel kinda tired and you rest your head on his shoulder

he tenses up a bit which u notice but u don't really pay much attention

and yeah thats where it started

the next day you were like "hey jae lets hang out today!!!!" and he was like "oh shoot sorry y/n i'm going out with taeyong today"

and you're like ok i guess thats fine i mean he has other friends so??

but it starts happening so constantly 

one time you texted him saying you were bored and he answered "why" and never replied after that

but i mean ,,, u saw him on doyoungs snapchat story on his phone, but anyway

one day you're on the phone with him and ur like "we should go to the beach tomorrow!"

and he's like "i have plans with johnny tomorrow though"

and you hear johnny in the background going like "you do?" 

you ignore it bc ur starting to get fed up and ur like "then how about the day after that?"

and he's like "uhhh i'll see if i can"

and you're like "your friends can come too!!!!"

and johnny's like "I HEARD THAT!!!! IM DOWN!!!"

so yeah that leaves jaehyun with no choice

you're like "ok cool see you then!"

so yall meet at the beach that day and all the boys are having fun and shit!!!! but jaehyuns standing as far away from you as possible

you're getting really worried bc WHAT IF ITS SOMETHING YOU DID

so you go up to yuta and you're like "hey is jae upset with me?" and he's like "????? nah i don't think so"

so you sit next to jaehyun who's sitting on a blanket and ur like "jae whats up we haven't hung out in weeks"

and this boy DOESNT LOOK UP FROM HIS PHONE he just nods and murmurs a "yeah"

and you snap bc he's never treated you like this before

you grab his phone and put it down and he looks at you

and you're like "did i do something wrong?!"

and he's like "what are u talking about"

you're like "you know exactly what i'm talking about, you've been avoiding me"

he's like "no i haven't what are u saying"

and you're like "you've been sending me slow and cold replies, you always seem to be busy, you aren't how you usually are with me and im your BEST FRIEND"

a hurt look flashes on his face for a split second then suddenly hes kinda mad

and he's like "well y/n maybe i've just been busy with other things, and maybe i need a break from our 10+ years of friendship, not everything is about you!!!!"

you're like ,,, really shocked that he said this bc jaehyun is a really nice and chill dude

you're also really hurt that he said this and you run off to the boardwalk, leaving jaehyun and the boys

jaehyuns shocked he snapped at you as well 

the boys are shocked too and taeyong speaks up and he's like "dude, why'd you say that if you know that isn't why you're avoiding them"

jaehyun just shakes his head and chases after you

you're sitting on a lil bench where there are less people, just a couple passerby's

you're kinda just sitting there and ur about to cry bc you can't believe jaehyun, your best friend for almost 11 years would say that to you

you felt as if you weren't enough as a best friend and did something wrong

then jaehyun sits next to you and you're both just staring at the ocean

you're like "if you really want a break from me you could've just said so instead of making excuses"

jaehyun turns to look at you and goes "i'm sorry i didn't mean to say that, really."

u look at him and ur crying now and he brings his hands to your cheeks and wipes your tears

he's like "listen y/n i'll never get sick of your presence, i love having you by my side"

you're like "then why were you avoiding me"

he's like "its a really stupid reason theres no point in saying it"

and you playfully hit his shoulder and you're like "just say it jae"

he's like "promise you won't laugh in my face?"

you're like "promise"

he's like "so i started catching feelings for you and i wanted to get rid of my feelings bc i know you don't feel the same way and i don't wanna make it awkward for us bc i really do love having you in my life"

and you're like "JUNG JAEHYUN WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME FIRST. I'VE ALWAYS LIKED YOU."

and he's like "no you're lying" and you're like "no im NOT. im just better at handling my feelings."

and he's like "well then why didn't YOU tell me?" and you're like "bc i was sure you didn't like me" and he's like "SEE we're just the same"

you're like "well now you know that i'm madly in love with my best friend???" he's like "i guess i always loved you to i just never noticed until now" 

he grabs your hand and he's like "so are we like ,,, dating now?" and you're like "after all that, we better be"

so yeah now yall are officially dating

the guys found you on that bench and they johnny was like "JAEHYUN FINALLY DID IT!!!!!"

then one night when both of your families were having dinner together jaehyun was like "can i say something"

and your moms like "yeah ofcourse what is it"

and he's like "imdatingy/n"

and YOUR MOMS GET UP AND START JUMPING EXCITEDLY 

they're like "WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY TO COME FOR YEARS"

your dads like "jaehyun if you were any other guy i would've interrogated you for hours but you're a good kid and i trust you"

then after dinner you two are cuddling on the couch again, watching another episode of buzzfeed unsolved and jaehyuns like "this is nice, i like this"

and you're like "i like this too, i'm glad this happened"

end

masterlist

[coolsparkleedits]

Requested By: Anonymous

Jaehyun (NCT) - Study Aesthetic - Wallpapers/Lock Screens

[xuspge-blog]

soulmates!ten au

— before starting i’d like to say that this is SHITTY — and also english isn’t my first language so excuse any mistakes ty

— so in this au everytime your soulmate gets a new tattoo, you’d get the same one instantly — but when you’d meet then all of it would disappear after a few hours — and also in this ten is a solo idol ok — to say that ten loved tattoos would be an understatement — the boy even planned to get a sleeve done — and he literally forgot he even had a soulmate — so one day,,, — you woke up with ‘debut : dream in a dream’ written on ur wrist — 'debut???? omg is my soulmate an idol??????!!!!’ — you immediately took your phone and searched 'dream in a dream’ up — what you saw shook you to the core — a beautiful and talented man,, dancing and singing beautifully — the mv was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen — after the mv you made some researches about this 'ten’ — aND YOU WERE SHAKING AT WHAT YOU SAW — ALL OF YOUR TATTOOS,, MATCHING! — (let’s say u didn’t see them in the mv bc they were covered) — you were decided to meet the man — so you went to the sm building — but one there, u were stuck — 'im not just gonna walk in there and go 'hello yes im ten’s soulmate’ am i?’ — but guess what — that’s exactly what you did — they just laughed at your face lmao — you weren’t ready to give up tho — so you went back a few days later when you hopping he was gonna be there — so u woke up early in the morning and got ready — and u legit camped in front of sm the whole day — at 11pm you gave up and decided to go back home — you were stumbling on your way to the bus when you heard a voice — 'hey!! miss you forgot your bag!!’ — you turned around and — 'finally!!!! you asshole ive been waiting for you since 10 freaking am!!!’ — 'um… excuse me but do i know you?’ — 'ofc you do im ur soulmate you douche!!’ — it took him time to process the information but when he did — he hugged you so tight you lost your senses — then,,,, — he kissed you omg lxlssllzlxxlxl — but you were half asleep so u didn’t really kiss back — and he noticed so he went 'you know what?? let’s go get coffee then you can watch me practice’ — 'chittaphon leechaiyapornkul is inviting me to watch him practice??? what an honor!!’ — 'anything for the love of my life’ — and the rest of both of your lives is just so cheesy you make everyone throw up but it’s WONDERFUL

[x10velyhwang]

nct - wayv . 엔시티 - 威神V

taeyong . 태용

danger nature. [fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut] [one shot, written] break my heart again. [bff to enemies to lovers au, fluff, angst, smut] [au, written] into you. [exes to lovers, fluff, angst] [au, smau, written] living for your every move. [enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, smut] [one shot, written] total count: 4.

ten . 텐

it’s gotta be you. [strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, comedy, slice of life] [au, smau, written] gallery of the lost. [strangers to lovers, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] colour outside of the lines. [single parent au, fluff, angst, comedy] [au, smau, written] little princess. [mafia au, arranged marriage au, fluff, angst, mild violence] [one shot, written] the pursuit of happiness. [strangers to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] four years, one night. [bff to lovers, fluff, angst, comedy, slowburn] [one shot, written] stay with me. [established relationship, royal au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] the beldam. [supernatural au, angst, thriller] [one shot, written] more than friends, less than lovers. [bff to lovers, fluff, angst, smut] [one shot, written] like magnets. [enemies to lovers, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] begging just to know you. [strangers to lovers, mild fluff, smut] [one shot, written] come home. [established relationship, fluff] [one shot, written] pipe dreams. [friends to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] life’s preparations. [single dad au, fluff] [one shot, written] worlds apart. [zombie apocalypse au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] a bullet for a kiss. [mafia au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] breaking down the walls. [arranged marriage, royalty au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] prima. [enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, comedy] [au, smau, written] 10 seconds. [soulmate au, fluff, mild angst, comedy] [one shot, written, bulletpoints] can i...? [friends to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] hate, hurt. [strangers to lovers, fluff, mild angst, hurt, comfort] [one shot, written] universe. [established relationship, fluff] [one shot, written] grow. [brother’s bff, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] love line. [friends to lovers, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] teammates. [enemies to lovers, smut] [one shot, written] illustrated haiku. [artist au, fluff] [one shot, written] unexpected enthusiast. [neighbor/strangers to lovers, fluff, angst] [au, written] sweet aftertaste. [strangers to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written, bulletpoints] total count: 27. jaehyun . 재현

june 24. [soulmate au, fluff] [one shot, written] be mine. [single parent au, fluff] [one shot, written] i’m yours. [single parent au, fluff] [one shot, written] let me know. [bff to lovers, fluff, angst, slowburn] [au, written] symphony of eternal memories. [enemies to lovers, royal au, fluff, angst, slowburn] [one shot, written] domaine de la romaneé. [strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, smut] [one shot, written] early bird. [friends to lovers, fluff, angst, slice of life] [one shot, written] teach or be taught. [teacher/coworkers au, fluff] [one shot, written] pact. [bff to lovers, fluff, angst] [au, smau, written] quit. [friends to lovers, fluff, angst, smut] [one shot, written] broken inside. [established relationship, angst] [one shot, written] following. [strangers/enemies to lovers, fluff, angst] [au, smau] total count: 12.

mark . 마크

all that glitters. [rich(?) au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] pink. [established relationship, fluff, smut] [one shot, written] true friends. [bff to lovers, angst, smut] [one shot, written] jealousy, jealousy. [established relationship, hockey au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] extra clothes. [bff to lovers, mutual pining, fluff] [one shot, written] compass. [strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, comedy] [au, smau, written] spidermark. [spiderman au, strangers to lovers, fluff, comedy] [one shot, written, bulletpoints] notice you. [strangers to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] before the sun sets. [friends to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] that’s my girl. [established relationship, fluff, comedy, hurt, comfort] [one shot, written] can’t get over you. [strangers to lovers, barista au, fluff] [one shot, written] daisies. [friends to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] the one with the study break. [established relationship, fluff] [one shot, written] total count: 13.

xiaojun . 肖俊

the muse. [friends to lovers, fluff, comedy] [au, smau, written] total count: 1.

jeno . 제노

nameless. [ft. yeonjun] [friends to lovers, fluff, comedy, angst, mystery] [au, smau, written] total count: 1. jaemin . 재민

what i hate like about you. [enemies to lovers, fluff, angst] [au, smau, written] wish granted. [guardian angel au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] the fact remains. [soulmate au, unrequited love, bff to lovers, hanahaki, fluff, angst] [au, written] seven minutes in heaven. [friends to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] running circles through my mind. [bff to lovers, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] puzzle. [bff to lovers, fluff, angst] [au, smau] whisper of the heart. [royalty au, fluff, angst] [one shot, written] catch me if you can. [soulmate au, fluff, angst, comedy] [au, smau, written] complicated. [friends to lovers, fluff, angst, comedy] [au, smau, written] my first and last. [strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, comedy] [au, smau, written] there’s something about you. [soulmate au, angst] [one shot, written] the ink on your fingers. [strangers to lovers, crime, thriller] [au, written] crush culture. [strangers to friends to lovers, fake dating, fluff, angst, slowburn] [au, smau, written] murder replay. [friends to lovers kinda, fluff, angst, mystery] [au, smau, written] secret. [established relationship, fluff, mild angst] [au, smau, written] total count: 15.

yangyang . 杨杨

closet. [bff to lovers, fluff] [one shot, written] 9:08 a.m. [bff to lovers, fluff, comedy] [one shot, written] the one with the morning classes. [bff to lovers, fluff, smut] [one shot, written] wasted nights. [zombie apocalypse, friends to lovers, fluff, comedy] [one shot, written] stolen liquor. [exes au, angst, slight smut] [one shot, written] unsure. [bff to lovers, fluff, slight angst] [one shot, written] electric hearts. [soulmate au, fluff, comedy] [one shot, written] indigo. [strangers to lovers, smut] [one shot, written] trouble. [bad boy au, fluff, violence] [one shot, written] total count: 9.

[wincore]

romeo roulette | jung yoonoh

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader

summary: if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

genre: soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism (??)

words: 21.2k

warnings: language

song recs: playlist here !

a/n: behold ! a kdrama compressed in a fic ! ok i was lying there was more than a little angst but all in good fun <3 i have never experienced working in an office (thanks to the panny) but i tried making it as accurate as i could !! hope you have fun with this <3

It’s not that you’ve never been looked at with a lover’s gaze, it’s just that whatever look Jaehyun has been giving you is mildly uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be that way. Hell, even his hand clasping yours are a little too clammy for your liking.

Jung Yoonoh. Get your act together.

You wish he were a better actor than this. For someone used to eyes on him in each and every room he’s in, he’s not very good at making eye contact. You’ll be saving this performance. Not to stroke your own ego but at least you know how to behave under strong gazes.

There are three people staring at the two of you and your fingers intertwined, scrutinizing your postures and the expressions on your faces. Maybe Jaehyun should face them instead of glancing at you wordlessly. He’s a terrible liar for someone who acts so smooth. 

You look up with a short smile. The aforementioned three are your coworkers—former class rep at uni and your current boss Doyoung, your friend Soojin and Jaehyun’s friend Sicheng from IT. None of them look happy—like it concerns them. If there was a competition for nosy coworkers, this entire group would be winning awards left and right (and that’s including you). 

They’re going to find out, an annoying voice giggles inside the quiet corner of your brain. Like hell, they will. You didn’t take up acting lessons in college for nothing. You just need to focus on the details.

This whole charade dates its beginning to a week ago. 

If someone were to tell you Jung Yoonoh from marketing is your soulmate, you would most certainly either laugh or take it as a genuine insult. Hence, you were glad when you found that he isn’t. 

It was an accident. You had glimpsed at his soulmark, right below his collarbone, at a particularly wild office afterparty—and somehow, you thought it was fitting that his tattoo was a little red heart. For someone born on Valentine’s day (which you know from a night out with coworkers, not because you’re remotely interested), if his soulmark was not something as disgusting as a heart, it would be the textbook definition of irony. But then again, fate is a funny thing. Your soulmark is a heart roughly the same size, with a little more intricacy in the form of a piercing arrow.

Despite all, however, if someone were to ask you if Jung Yoonoh is the worst person to be your soulmate, the answer is no. You can name at least five coworkers off the top of your head that you’d choose him over. You would choose him over Doyoung (and especially his nagging), you would choose him over Taeyong because he’s too hot and you also don’t like men in a higher position than you are, you would choose him over Jungwoo because you suspect he’s secretly a furry. Jaehyun is certainly better than your deskmate Dongmin who, despite an angelic smile, is: a) too distant to make actual conversation with, and b) in a relationship despite being your soulmate. Sweet-tempered Dongmin doesn’t even know it’s you. You’d love to be the bearer of bad news but this one—you’re not exactly ready for it yourself.

So that’s the explanation for why you hunted down Jaehyun and in a desperate attempt to not seem pathetic, coerced him into a role that has carefully picked benefits for either of you. You just have to bite the bullet sometimes.

“And I get what out of this?”

“Me? Temporarily, that is.”

Jaehyun laughs in amusement and you drop your smile, almost offended. If you were a gift, you’d certainly be an attractive, spicy, hot one—he doesn’t have to look at you so incredulously. In a neat business suit, Jaehyun is as kempt as ever though his tie could do with some more work.  As an HR assistant, his appearance pleases you. However as a person, the perfection annoys the hell out of you. He could show himself to be more human. It would make your job (both the actual and the metaphorical) easier.

“I’m leaving,” he announces with a nonchalant exhale. “You keep messing around during work hours like this and people are going to think you’re jobless.”

“Wait!” 

You jog up to him and block his path, crossing your arms as you huff at his indignance. 

“I said no,” he repeats, and when he tries to evade you, you push him back with your palm flat against his chest. Jaehyun doesn’t show any more discomfort than usual, biting the inside of his cheek.

“You haven’t found your soulmate, right?” you say, taking a deep breath. If you have to resort to psychological warfare, so be it.

His smile wavers and he straightens, no longer leaning against the printer desk. “No. How does that matter?”

“It matters because you’re going to be my pretend-soulmate. Now, don’t be a pussy.”

He opens his mouth and closes it, furrowing his eyebrows. “You can’t always trick me into doing what you want.”

“I’ll ask Doyoung if you say no.”

“See—enough with the tricks, they don’t work anymore. I’ve known you for two years.”

“I really will ask him.”

“Not convincing enough. You don’t even talk to Doyoung outside work.”

You groan into your hand, taking a few moments to come up with another plan. How is your obvious charisma not enough? You certainly can’t tell him how rejected you feel with the whole Dongmin situation even if his rejection hasn’t officially come yet. It’s too embarrassing for a grown adult to go through. You don’t mind being lonely for the rest of your life if you’re successful. There’s a price tag on each decision you make anyway.

“I’ll treat you to lunch every day. I’ll pay.”

You cross your arms, tapping your foot in anticipation. They say the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Besides, Jaehyun hates spending his lunch money on himself. This ought to do something.

Jaehyun places his hand in front of his mouth in mock surprise. “Oh no, out of your beloved paycheck? That’s kind of scary, honestly.”

“Jaehyun. Stop messing around. I’m being serious.”

He purses his lips, hesitation across his face. You don’t like the way he thinks, with quiet, lost eyes and no clear giveaways on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

You smile in relief though you try somewhat to not let it show on your face. 

“On one condition.”

Your eyes dart across his face, nothing that tells what he might suggest next. You hate when you don’t get to decide on things.

“You have to come visit my family next month and pose as my soulmate—”

“No way.”

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.”

You stare at him, weighing the odds. 

“Fine,” you say finally, voice pitched in slight annoyance.

Jaehyun shrugs.

“But I tell my parents that I rejected you. Or they’ll come after you with a task force or something.”

You mutter the last part.

He grimaces, holding his breath for a good few seconds and then letting it go.

“Alright. It’s not like mine and your parents know each other—or will ever meet.”

“Fine then,” you say. “We have an agreement.”

“We have an agreement,” he repeats.

Now, back to more pressing matters. The people in front of you aren’t a stupid lot—even if you've seen Doyoung spend $500 on plush toys, seen Sicheng absentmindedly walk into a desk and pretend to not be in pain for the next five minutes and Soojin somehow convinced a senior to get her coffee because she thought he was an intern (in her defence, it worked). 

The only way is to act through. You clear your throat.

"We… we discovered it last week. Our signs match."

Technically, you drew an arrow with a permanent marker over Jaehyun's tattoo in an attempt to resemble yours. It's not awful, but perhaps not perfect. 

“Discovered? Like just happened to find out?” Doyoung asks.

“Isn’t Jaehyun’s on…” Soojin leans in to whisper hurriedly in your ear. “On his butt? Did you guys sleep together?”

You contort your face in disgust. “The what? What? Who told you that? And no.”

Soojin makes an ‘ah’ sound and leans back. “I should stop listening to office rumours then.”

"You should." You glare at her.

Sicheng is the only one without questions at the tip of his tongue but the look on his face worries you most. 

“I’ve never seen your tattoo, now that I think about it,” he muses, turning to Jaehyun. “Although we’re roommates.”

Jaehyun clears his throat, looking around with shifty eyes. "Why is… why is everyone looking so suspicious?"

"It's just… so sudden," Soojin says, looking around at the others.

"Yeah," Sicheng mutters.

"Soulmate fraud is a big deal too, you know that right?" Doyoung informs. "You could get put in jail."

You throw up your hands in exasperation. "Why would we pretend? We don't have any reason to. And, uh, you're sure about the jail thing?"

You look at Doyoung, hoping your question didn’t come off too squeaky. 

"You’re right,” he says, sighing. “It’s so unlikely for soulmates to work in the same company, let alone the same building.”

“Oh, yes, I’m so lucky,” you mutter under your breath.

Doyoung sighs. "Look, we're happy for you. It's just that… it's a little sudden."

"Literally what I just said," Soojin says.

"Literally what she just said," Doyoung agrees quickly, not wanting to pick a fight. Sometimes you wonder who the real boss is.

"Look, just because we don't even acknowledge each other or find each other remotely attractive or wouldn't even be each other's office Christmas card candidate—"

Jaehyun nudges your side with his elbow and gives you a look that seems a lot like "You're making it worse".

You clear your throat. "That's what happens to most soulmates! You think you're going to land the perfect one and boom. You get a chump from marketing."

Jaehyun makes a sound of protest. "I didn't want a snob from HR either."

The two of you glare at each other, and you find that clenching his jaw makes Jaehyun slightly (around 0.05%) more attractive, or at the very least more bearable to look at.

Doyoung gasps. "Okay, I get it. You're having adjustment issues. I know a guy for that. He's helped every newly found soulmate couple adjust with each other."

"We don't need that," you interrupt, offering your fakest smile.

"You do," Doyoung responds, his smile equally fake. "I'll drive you this weekend if you're free. He’ll give you one free session. No more, because we all know how capitalism works."

People have got to stop copying your fake smile. You wish you could have it copyrighted because after all, it’s the same smile that tricks interviewees into thinking they got the job. It’s not evil if you say it isn’t. You open your mouth, look at Jaehyun doing the same and when you can't come up with an excuse, give up and nod. 

"Don't look so resentful," Doyoung says, tone slightly complaining. "I'm not doing this as your boss. We were friends in college and I'm just doing you a favour. A friendly favour."

Soojin hums in deep thought. "I feel like this is some sort of nepotism."

"I feel like you should open a dictionary once in a while," Doyoung mutters, only to get a vaguely threatening look from Soojin.

"Anyway," Sicheng diverts, eyes curious when he turns to Doyoung. "Why did you call us here?"

"Ah." Doyoung's eyes widen. "I heard promotion rumours."

Sicheng lets out a loud huff of annoyance. "You summoned us here for company gossip?"

Doyoung crosses his arms. “So, you’re not interested?”

“Who said that?” Sicheng responds quickly, leaning in.

The five of you huddle closer in a circle, looking as conspicuous as a cult. 

“You guys know that Jinyoung’s leaving, right?” Doyoung starts.

Soojin gasps audibly only to get a smack on the arm from Doyoung. “Why’s he leaving? He's like employee of the month every month. ”

A few chuckles pass through the group at her discontentment from months of losing out on the title.

“I heard he found his soulmate. Lucky ass gets tax benefits too now,” Sicheng complains. “Why is he leaving?”

“Oh, look who’s interested in gossip now,” Soojin coos.

Sichengs turns red in the face and looks away, clearing his throat. “You’re gonna answer my question, Doyoung?”

“Oh! Right.” Doyoung looks up from a text. “He got rejected by his soulmate.”

Soojin covers her mouth this time when she gasps and you can’t say your jaw doesn’t drop as well. 

“Rejected? Like our picture-perfect Jinyoung got rejected?” you repeat, trying to process the information. “Please don’t tell me he decided to be an idiot and sign a mutual rejection.”

“No, he didn’t lose his senses,” Doyoung responds with a duh undertone. “He’s getting the compensation money.”

You sigh. “Man, I feel bad for him.”

Jaehyun hums in agreement. There’s a hush over the group and you feel fear rise in your chest. You don’t want to be rejected. You’ve seen how happy Dongmin looks with his girlfriend—he’d reject you in a heartbeat. Of course, you could just receive the compensation money from the one-sided rejection and get it over with but you refuse to. It hurts to not be wanted. It hurts to not be wanted by someone who’s supposed to want you. To be specific, it hurts your pride. Every time you see the damn arrowed heart on Dongmin’s wrist, which he tries so hard to cover with his watch, you feel like throwing up. You’re glad yours isn’t as easy to spot—resting right above your hip bone.

“Anyway, someone’s getting promoted to that HR specialist position.”

You gasp. “Is it me? It’s me, right?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and you elbow him. “What’s with you?”

“Don’t get too excited,” he says, shrugging. “Isn’t it stupid to get your hopes up over a rumour?”

Doyoung breathes out. “Wow, (name) really sucked the life out of you, Jaehyun.”

You glare at him when Soojin breaks into a fit of laughter. “You- you know what that- you know what that sounds like, right?”

Your face contorts into disgust and you shake your head. “Let’s be more professional, alright, Soojin?”

She clears her throat and straightens her clothes, like a teenager being reprimanded. “I’m your senior. It’s embarrassing when you say that to me.”

Jaehyun speaks up and turns to you. “I think lunch break is almost over.”

You raise an eyebrow. “So?”

“You’re forgetting something.” He smiles, dimples showing, but his eyes come off menacing.

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You forgot about that stupid lunch promise. 

“Hey. Professional,” Soojin warns.

You groan and link your arm through Jaehyun’s, making him bite back a smile. What is it with men and getting weirdly happy about lunch?

“We’re gonna go get lunch,” you announce.

“Ooh, (name)’s ditching quality time with coworkers for dates now,” Soojin coos.

You roll your eyes and exit the office, stopping to wait in front of the elevator.

“I think that went well,” Jaehyun says, shrugging lightly.

“Shh. What if they hear us?”

“Do you think they’re X-men? We’re a long corridor and closed doors away.”

You huff, crossing your arms. “Still…”

Jaehyun’s smug smile makes you want to smack it right off and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way with him. You swear he’s not as bad as some of the guys you’ve met but Jaehyun is simply annoying. An A grade nuisance. You can trust him though. If Soojin says he’s a reliable guy, you’ll believe her—she doesn’t bluff when it comes to seeing right through men, though she does have a tendency to believe stupid rumours.

“Your acting was shit though,” you snipe.

Jaehyun lets out a low sardonic laugh. “At least I was subtle when I was messing up.”

You cross your arms and huff. “You know what? You can take the next elevator ride.”

“Huh?”

You step into the elevator just as the doors open and quickly jam your finger to the close doors button. The look of betrayal on Jaehyun’s face is subtle but it’s enough to satisfy you. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens—it’s very applicable to elevators. He can take the other one.

However, almost immediately after, the elevator doors open and you groan, opening your mouth to send a sarcastic congratulations to Jaehyun for pressing the button on time.

Your words hitch on your tongue. Dongmin greets the two of you with a smile, standing beside Jaehyun, who has his eyes averted from you.

“Hey,” Dongmin greets. “Congratulations. I heard the news.”

“Thanks,” you croak, clearing your throat with a bit of heat on your cheeks. Jaehyun looks like he might burst into a fit of laughter any moment and you shoot him a subtle glare.

“Where are you headed to?” You ask.

“Oh, I’m going to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria.”

“We’re also headed to the cafeteria,” Jaehyun declares, with a smile that’s almost devilish.

“No, we’re not,” you say quickly, making Dongmin raise an eyebrow. You hold back a groan. If only Dongmin weren’t raised to be the politest man you know and a little bit more of an asshole. 

You hum and turn to Jaehyun. “I told you about that new cafe. Remember, honey?”

Dongmin makes an ‘o’ with his mouth. “Nicknames, already? Ah, I’m so jealous. It must be great to get along with your soulmate.”

Oh, the sweet summer child that Dongmin is.

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Oh, won’t it take too long, darling? We have—”

He makes a show of checking his Rolex, a gift he received from his superior that he spares no chance to flex.

“—Around ten minutes left.”

You hold back a groan and plaster on your smile. “Come on. Now is the best time.”

“That sounds like a load of—”

You elbow Jaehyun hard in the gut and a restrained sound dies in his throat, eyes widening in the sweet look of discomfort taking over his features. You smile triumphantly and turn to Dongmin with an immediate change of expression.

“I’ll see you in office later,” you say, bowing slightly.

Dongmin nods and gets off on the fifth floor. You watch in quiet relief as the elevator door closes and turn to your dear companion, irked.

“Did you have to do that?” Jaehyun asks, voice raspy with pain.

“You deserved it. Don’t you dare make this a bigger mess than it already is.”

“You came up with it.” Jaehyun straightens, finally. Apart from the few loose strands of his neatly parted hair, he doesn’t seem all that disgruntled.

“And we’re going to set some ground rules,” you declare, closing your arms.

Jaehyun straightens to his full height, the space between the two of you diminishing. 

"Okay," he agrees. "Then we both get a say in it. It's a contract, after all."

"Fine. First rule, no being weird around Dongmin."

Jaehyun chuckles. "I think you need to be more careful about that than I do."

You pat his cheek. "Focus. Just don't- don't be around him for too long."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "Why are you so uncomfortable around him? I thought you were doing this because you didn't want to reject him."

You glance away, feeling uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter. I just don't want him to know."

Jaehyun hums. "Fine. My turn. No calling me a chump."

Your cheeks puff up as you try to contain your laughter. "It bothered you that much, huh?"

Jaehyun furrows his brows. "No one's ever called me that before. It's always 'oh my god, he's so handsome, who is he?' or 'ooh, I might faint from how hot he is'."

You giggle. "Alright, handsome."

Jaehyun exhales, his puffed cheeks making him look like a resentful five year old instead of a grown man with a professional job. You pause before you get back on track.

“No nicknames,” you blurt. “It’s weird when you call me something endearing. And your flirting feels kind of threatening.”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“See! You’re doing it again.” You cross your arms at the look on his face; anything close to victorious over Jaehyun’s features is unbearable to you.

He raises his arms in exasperation. “How are we supposed to make this work if we act like we don’t care about each other. Guess why Doyoung’s taking us to couple therapy?”

You huff, slightly pissed off. “You’re saying it was my fault?”

“I’m saying we could have avoided that with better acting.”

“You think you’re so—”

The elevator door opens with a ding on the first floor and you turn to find a bunch of interns back from their lunch break. It would be much less of an awkward affair if you and Jaehyun weren’t well into each other’s personal spaces, noses almost touching and with a mutual glare which could be easily mistaken for a look of something more sensual. You jump away from Jaehyun and leave the elevator as fast as you can, feeling far too conscious of yourself. With long strides, you exit the corporate airs of the building to a sunny, fairly populous sidewalk. 

Jaehyun catches up to you, bending and trying to catch a glimpse of your face with an incredulous smile over his.

“Don’t say a word, Yoonoh.”

“Ooh, you’re saying my name now.”

“This isn’t funny!”

“I find it plenty funny.”

“That’s because of your trash sense of humour.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t look so smug.”

Mondays are the days that make you want to scream in agony, not Thursdays—though they are pretty high up on the worst days of the week list. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pretending to be in love with someone you simply cannot be in love with is an awful idea. 

Soulmates don’t need to be in love with each other, you think to yourself. There’s plenty of soulmates who are just in it for the financial benefits; you can just pretend to be one of them. This dilemma is starting to fray your nerves and Jung Yoonoh, with his lax disposition and dimpled cheeks, is making it worse. And to top it off, you now have to take him to your favourite (kind of secret) cafe in the name of the lies that slipped your tongue. It was supposed to be a quiet comfort spot for you.

You blow a puff of air out and dismiss the thought. Comfort spots aren’t real anyway when you’re all grown. There’s bound to be a breach. 

However, you will not let the (lacking) romance department of your life get sorted out by someone who doesn’t even know you. Lady luck would be an acquaintance to you at most. If fate is a game of chance after all, you might as well be the one spinning the roulette. You look at Jaehyun, piecing together the perfect plan for this seemingly frivolous play-pretend. The game is in your hands now. 

You blink at the figure of Jung Yoonoh under February sunlight on a modestly busy sidewalk. It’s not something to be surprised at—however, the stark contrast in attire makes you stare longer than you intend to. Wearing a black graphic hoodie and pair of worn out jeans, Jaehyun looks about as casual as you can bear. It’s always weird to see coworkers out of formal clothing.

“Are you just going to stare at me till Doyoung comes and picks us up?” he asks. 

You roll your eyes. 

“You look nice,” he says, and you glance down at your outfit with a flush of heat over your cheeks. It’s just a short A-line skirt, stockings and a sweatshirt. This is as basic as you get. What’s worse is that his comment didn’t sound sarcastic.

“You- You look nice too. I guess.” Once in a while, you will say something extremely stupid and pretend it never happened. The frequency increases around Jaehyun for some damn reason.

“You guess? I’m pretty sure I look more than nice.”

“And how long did you look at yourself in the mirror and practise catchphrases this time?”

Jaehyun’s ears turn the shade of cherries and you press down your smile. You knew that time you caught him talking to himself in front of a car window would play to your advantage. 

“What’s that you’re holding?” you ask, eyeing the plastic bag he’s holding.

“Ginseng,” he answers, staring blankly at the cars passing by. “I heard the couples therapist is in his sixties so he might find it useful.”

“Oh, old people stuff,” you muse quietly. “That’s quite thoughtful of you.”

You should’ve brought something, you think for a moment before realizing that couples probably don’t give separate gifts. 

“Thanks,” you mutter.

He raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

You shake your head. “Anyway, we might as well kill some time. Twenty questions. Let’s go.”

He laughs. “What are we, in college?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Don’t make us sound like we’re thirty. I bet you’re the kind of guy who has his retirement plan figured out.”

“Wrong,” he emphasizes, face leaning closer. 

“Fine. I’ll start the questions, you unsalted block of butter. How many relationships have you been in?”

Jaehyun opens his mouth and closes it, ears turning red. “That’s your first question?”

You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m guessing it’s single digit and on the lower side.”

He rolls his eyes. “How many relationships have you been in?”

You shut your mouth. There’s a moment of silence, a breeze passing you by, carrying winter away in its arms to make room for spring. 

“Never found a relationship worth it,” you mutter, glancing away. 

Jaehyun hesitates before opening his mouth. “Me neither.”

“Good thing for us, eh? Love makes people crazy.”

Jaehyun faces you with a clipped smile. Never did you think Jaehyun from marketing would be relating to you on a personal matter.

“Oh, but I’ve had enough hookups and I can bet you’re mediocre at best in bed.” 

Jaehyun glares at you. “I am not and I can prove it to you.”

“Is that an invitation into your bed? No, thanks.”

He opens his mouth to retort but is interrupted by the Hyundai Grandeur pulling up to the sidewalk and rolling down the driver window to reveal Doyoung. He looks as overworked as usual, but his eyes are more tired, a bit of makeup covering the dark circles. You’ve heard his soulmate is a makeup artist for an idol group and wonder how they even came to be. Does fate throw darts randomly and pick its choice?

“Get in. Quick,” Doyoung instructs. “I have to drop you off and head home. My family is visiting. I didn’t even get a warning and they think I’m in a gay relationship with Taeyong because we still have our friendship rings from college.”

You want to laugh and agree but Doyoung looks rather pissed off so you hold it in. The two of you do as told, getting in the backseat and shutting the doors in sync. The car smells rather leafy mingling with the scent of fresh clothes and you eye the jar dangling from the rear-view mirror. You open your mouth to ask what scent that is when Doyoung’s voice rings out.

“What’s that?” Doyoung signals to the bag with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looks down. “Ginseng extract.”

“Oh, the gift pack?” Doyoung asks. 

Jaehyun nods and Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “If that’s for Mr. Lee, forget it. He hates gifts. Something about inward appreciation and shit.”

Jaehyun groans, massaging his forehead. “What do I do with this then? Is this guy a priest?”

“Give it to Doyoung,” you suggest. “His family’s visiting.”

You hear an audible hum of approval from the driver seat and turn to Jaehyun making a face of reluctance. Maybe he isn’t so magnanimous after all, you think smiling.

“You’re both quite tame today,” Doyoung remarks, just when the silence is starting to swallow the inside of the car. “Makes me wonder if you need Mr. Lee after all.”

“We actually don’t…” You shake your head. “We’re here and it’s free so why not?”

Jaehyun shoots you a questioning look. It’s not like you can cancel when you’re in Doyoung’s car and already on the way. You’ve known your boss long enough to know the wrong answer to his questions. You look outside at Seoul streets and sigh. 

Jaehyun looks at you, your focus elsewhere and wishes this would end already. He has no idea what overcame him to accept your ridiculous offer but he must be just as ridiculous. At the very least, he finds you quite lovely to look at—not that he’d ever admit it to you. The foundation to this weird bickering friendship (if he can call it that) would be ruined by that. His ego, however, has been boosted up a few notches from the fact that you called him for help. He looks outside the window, holding back a smile. It’s a sunny day.

The therapist, Mr. Lee’s office building is a fancy one with an even fancier lobby. Baby pink leather couches cushion your bum nicely as you wait for your appointment. The architecture is that of a corporate firm and you feel quite at home with the large glass walls by the revolving door. This therapist guy must be rich as hell. The receptionist wears a formal uniform; her blouse is light pink with a grey pencil skirt and you like the look of it. You wonder if asking her where she bought it is time-appropriate. More couples sit around you and you, unfortunately, have to scoot closer to Jaehyun as a result. You do not want to catch that disease they all have. Why are they even here for therapy if they’re smiling at each other in that sickly enamored way? 

Now that you’re here, you’re starting to feel that this arrangement was ill-decisive. You should’ve done a better job of acting. You wonder if you can get a refund for that college course on acting, pouting as the ticking wall clock gets on your nerves. Even the marble floors are pink; the walls are mahogany red and there’s a heart-shaped wall clock, and should you glance around more, you’re going to nauseate yourself. This guy certainly takes his job seriously—or just really likes pink-red themes.

A woman in her early thirties exits the elevator and announces your names, and you click your tongue at the fact that she used Jung for your surname. It sounds distasteful. 

You follow her, starting to get nervous. You really hope this Mr. Lee isn’t as good as Doyoung says he is. Your fraud falling apart within three days is too embarrassing a defeat, not to mention bordering on illegal if found out. What the fuck does the government care about broken hearts and beneficial relationships? It’s so nosy. You understand the financial situation in case of happily bonded soulmates but apart from that, there really shouldn’t be this much discrepancy in the name of love.

Love drives people crazy. You’d rather not lose your good sense in the name of something so inane. After all, money makes the world go around, not love. 

Restricting a gag at the deep red heart on the door, you push them open with Jaehyun to find an old man sitting on a similar baby pink couch as in the lobby. He gets up to greet the two of you, the wrinkles on his face deepening when he smiles. Despite everything, he has a sort of grace to him, the one that comes with growing old elegantly. An upbeat song plays on a record player attached to the wall, although at a very low volume, and the tune reminds you of Animal Crossing. 

“Doyoung told me about the two of you,” Mr. Lee says, gesturing at the two of you to sit down. “How long has it been since you found out?”

“Six days,” you answer at the same time Jaehyun answers, “Four days”.

The two of you look at each other.

“Four-Six days. We didn’t keep track.”

“Ah,” Mr. Lee says. “How do you propose to celebrate your anniversary?”

You hesitate opening your mouth and declaring that you don’t really need to do that crap. Mr. Lee notices your expression and breaks into gentle laughter. 

“I’m kidding. Anniversary dates don’t matter,” he laughs. “It’s okay to celebrate your 100-day on the wrong day. Don’t worry.”

You purse your lips. To your dismay, Jaehyun isn’t as bothered by the sickly pink environment and Mr. Lee’s relaxed demeanour.

“I have a hundred percent success rate,” Mr. Lee assures the two of you, looking directly at you.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” you mutter under your breath and get a nudge from Jaehyun, who has his politest smile on.

You can’t believe Jaehyun has a better customer service mode than you do. If you didn’t know him, you’d be fooled into thinking he’s the nice guy character every office has. Unfortunately, that one goes to Dongmin. You hate getting stuck with nice guys (unless they offer financial stability).

“I think Doyoung might have been exaggerating,” Jaehyun explains calmly. “Whatever he told you.”

“He told me the two of you have a bickering problem. And staring at each other when the other isn’t looking.”

You cough. “That is not true. The staring part.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at you. “I knew you were checking me out,” he mutters.

You roll your eyes. “Keep dreaming, Jaehyun.”

Mr. Lee laughs. “Your bickering seems to be quite affectionate. I don’t know what that boy was worried about.”

You press your lips together into a thin smile, annoyed that anyone would ever describe your interaction with a man as affectionate. It makes you feel like an idiot. You were always better off alone—the universe was wrong to assign Dongmin to you. Maybe you needed to see the apparent love of your life clearly in love with someone else to snap you to reality.

“However, what is a playful lover’s fight in the beginning can turn into real fights.”

“Right,” you mutter. “It’s all fun and games in the beginning.”

“The two of you have almost no animosity—you’ve known each other before you discovered the soulmark, right?”

The two of you nod, having already reconciled yourselves to this session. It’s a one-time thing, you tell yourself. It will be over soon.

“The soulmate information shouldn’t influence the relationship you already had. If anything, it should be drawing you closer. First time awkwardness is common.”

He’s starting to sound a lot like your high school sex ed teacher. You get the idea to pretend to be sick and get out of this early.

“Company policy too,” Jaehyun mutters. “Unofficial company policy makes office romance out to be some sort of sacrilege.”

“You know, I was the CEO of your company so I do know the policies,” Mr. Lee says, smiling in the confident, reserved way senior citizens offering wisdom do. 

You choke on the water you were taking a sip of, a coughing fit overcoming you and Jaehyun hesitates before awkwardly patting your back.

“Huh? CEO? I’m sorry?” you manage. 

Mr. Lee lets out a loud, hearty laugh. “I stepped down two years ago.”

“That’s when I joined,” you and Jaehyun say at the same time.

Mr. Lee smiles at the two of you wordlessly. “I have an idea for the two of you. Why don’t you try turning your ‘I’s into ‘we’s? Do some activities together and when you talk about it, you’ll find yourself much closer.”

You narrow your eyes. “You know, Mr. Lee, I’m a little curious about your relation with the company—”

“My recommendations won’t help you get promotions faster.”

“Dammit.”

Jaehyun chuckles beside you but a glare from you turns it into a suppressed smile. The one thing that wouldn’t be a waste of time opened its door and closed it right back. 

“But you know how promotions work,” you press, leaning forward.

An alarm rings, so pleasant in tone that you know it’s a Samsung. Unfortunately, it’s the ugly flip model and you question Mr. Lee’s taste (and wealth).

“Oh, look, time’s up,” Mr. Lee announces, and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in his voice. 

Jaehyun springs up before his ears turn red, embarrassed by the gusto with which he himself got up and looks at you expectantly. You get up, sighing.

“Next time, Mr. Lee,” you warn. “I will get those details.”

“I charge by the hour.” He smiles.

“Stop threatening the therapist,” Jaehyun mutters to you, taking your arm and turning to leave.

“Oh, and,” Mr. Lee calls. “It’s always better to be honest than to pretend.”

You blink in surprise when Jaehyun tugs at your arm, bowing in thanks and leaving the room with you.

“Was it just me or did he see through us?” you whisper to Jaehyun.

He shakes his head, whispering back, “There’s no way he could tell. He’s probably referring to something else.”

“Like what?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer.

“Tell me, are you always so domineering towards strangers even?” he asks. “I just thought you liked to press my buttons because I’m easygoing.”

You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not as cool as you think you are, especially since you get so hot and bothered by me.”

“It’s just you,” he whispers earnestly and your pulse rises. “No one else.”

You cough to kill the awkward silence and walk faster to the elevator. Jaehyun follows at a leisurely pace and it’s never occurred to you before but the sound of someone’s footsteps can also be annoying, proof currently standing beside you.

The elevator doors open, and much to your appallment, a young couple happens to be full blown making out inside the elevator, hands where there certainly shouldn’t be in broad daylight. Jaehyun whips his face away, clearing his throat loud enough for the couple to detach themselves from each other and hurriedly exit, fixing their clothes on the way.

“So he wasn’t lying about the success rate,” Jaehyun states quietly, a look of resigned horror on his face.

You can’t even respond for a few moments, following him into the elevator and shaking your head to get rid of the thought that inevitably jams itself inside your head. It might have a point, however.

"Maybe we should kiss too," you think out loud.

Jaehyun stiffens, looking at you with wide, fearful eyes. "No."

"We have to kiss, we're dating!" You exclaim, hands on your hips.

"We're not actually—ah, whatever. It’s not worth bickering with you."

"Why? Afraid you'll fall in love with me?”

Jaehyun shakes his head, and you’re suddenly aware that your bickering keeps drawing you closer to each other, your faces nearer than you’d realized.

"If anything," he starts with a confident smile. "You better not fall in love with me."

"Oh, please. You're taking this way too seriously."

"You're the one that wants to kiss me."

Your cheeks heat up. "You're- I- That's not—argh, fuck you."

Jaehyun looks smug, and you have the unstoppable urge to punch it off his face. You take a deep breath. Violence is not the way, (name).

“If we were a few years younger, you’d be begging for mercy under me,” you seethe.

Jaehyun’s eyes shift over your face in confusion, ears burning bright red with each passing second. Before he can open his mouth, you let out a short yell.

“Not like that, you pervert,” you say, leaning away from him. 

“I didn’t even say anything. On an unrelated note, were you a delinquent in school?”

You roll your eyes. “Kind of. I had a temper and a sharp tongue.”

“And now you’re a people pleaser. That’s quite the development.”

You smack his shoulder. “You’re getting on my nerves, punk.”

He makes an ‘oh’ with his mouth before smiling. “You totally did the delinquent accent.”

“I’m guessing you were the shy, little boy who flushed red at conversations about kissing.”

Jaehyun clears his throat in annoyance. “I was not. I was quite popular in high school and college, you know?”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “It’s that face of yours.”

“Sorry, what? I didn’t catch that.”

“Oh, look, we’re on the first floor.” You exit the elevator, leaving a puzzled Jaehyun to follow in stumbling steps.

“I don’t think Doyoung’s picking us up,” you state. “You take the bus? Or do you have a car to flex? I don’t ride in anything below a Tesla, unless it’s Doyoung because he’s technically my boss.”

“You’ll have to do with good old rented Hyundais,” he answers.

You exhale. Maybe he’s getting used to you. The bus stop is opposite the building, the structure squeaky clean and a bunch of people waiting on the seats. It’s a busy place and you wonder if the scammy-therapist-slash-your-former-ceo’s business has anything to do with that. You sit the first chance you get, shoulders pressed against Jaehyun’s for the lack of space and admiring the passing traffic. Seoul really just depends on the lenses you see through. Work days make the screen tinted grey and blue and you hate them often but some days, it’s good to experience those. Weekends are brighter, sunny and usually not with Jaehyun but he doesn’t really put a damper on them either.

You scan his side profile, a little envious when you realize that his confidence isn’t misplaced. You might have trained yourself to be more of a pleaser over the years but he’s the sort of person people come to like naturally. Moreover, his skin is perfect and his hair is always looking styled even in a mess. Fate and Life are partners in crime when it comes to being unfair.

Jaehyun turns to look at you and you snap your head to your lap, turning on your phone and staring at the homescreen for a good few seconds.

“Twenty questions,” Jaehyun announces. “Let’s play again. I’ll go first. Do you check me out when I walk away?”

“What is this, playing my own cards against me?” You scoff. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“So, yes or no?”

“Sometimes,” you mutter. “But it’s not the good kind of checking out. I’m checking out how terrible you look with your mess of a tie.”

Jaehyun laughs, the sound a hearty rumbling sort and you can’t help but smile back at that. It’s kind of cute when he laughs—the sound of it and the way his cheeks are dusted pink.

“My turn,” you say with a cheeky smile as you lean in to whisper. “Have you ever had a wet dream about me?”

Jaehyun chokes on air, coughing out the surprise as he stares at you dumfound. You stick the tip of your tongue out and throw him a wink, thoroughly enjoying this victory against him. It feels great to fluster someone like Jaehyun.

“No,” he says with clear emphasis. 

“Even the night you said I was so unbearably hot very loudly to Sicheng?”

Jaehyun leans back sighing, covering his face with his hand. “I was tipsy. And it was my first night out with coworkers. Give me a break.”

You giggle. “Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were worse incidents that night. An intern threw up on Doyoung’s shoes—I can’t even imagine the horror the poor girl experienced.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling through his hand. 

“Have you ever sent nudes?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows.

He sighs. “Maybe. Have you?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”

He curls his lips. The answer seems to be no but you’re at least seventy percent sure he would be attracted to you in a world where your personality traits weren’t being nosy and annoying.

“Do you think you’re a good kisser?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Definitely.”

He scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You cross your arms.

He shrugs, leaning in slightly as though flirting (if he had the audacity). “We could test that.”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “What happened to no kissing in the contract?”

“It’s not officially there.”

You roll your eyes, glancing away. “You know, I’m starting to believe you were some sort of desperate fuckboy in college.”

“I- I was the hottest dude on campus and if we went to the same college, you would be pining after me. I literally had the Campus Prince title and girls would follow me to see me in class.”

He crosses his arms, a frown tugging down his lips.

“Ooh, Jung Yoonoh’s getting fired up,” you say in a monotonous voice. “Wonder how many girls you pulled with your chewed up fuckboy dialogue.”

Jaehyun scoffs but he clearly finds your accusations amusing, as hinted by his unbothered smile. He asks a question again.

“What’s more important to you—truth or happiness?” 

The question catches you off-guard. Jaehyun’s eyes are delicately curious, nothing too strong and even so, you find yourself holding your breath under his gaze.

“Huh?”

“Twenty questions. We were playing?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“Right.” You clear your throat, rubbing the back of your hand. “I… I’d choose happiness, I think. I’m… I’m not sure.”

“Really?” He doesn’t look too hellbent on taking apart your answer so you breathe out. He’s starting to pry into you finally. “I think the truth will make you happier.”

“That’s not- that’s not always true.” You look away, hoping the quietness of your voice ends the conversation there. You don’t know how to talk about it—you never really have. You’ve ugly cried over the lack of your love life to a stranger after five shots of whiskey but you don’t think you can talk about things like this sober. You don’t even know why you answered. Jaehyun makes you feel oddly comfortable.

Jaehyun shrugs, getting up when the next bus halts in front. 

“What did you major in?” you ask, following him.

“Business,” he answers before thinking. “Kind of hated it. But I started out with IT and that was somehow worse.”

You gasp, taking a seat beside him on the bus. “I started with IT too! It was a nightmare. You took that Database Management course?”

Jaehyun smiles. “It was like the course equivalent of reading the back of a Wi-Fi Router.”

You laugh. Maybe he isn’t so different after all. 

“You know, you do look like a business major,” you hum, furrowing your brows as you pretend to scrutinise him.

“So, you’re indirectly saying I either look like a rich kid or a jackass.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“They’re both the same thing.”

The laughter from the two of you makes an old woman behind you grunt in displeasure and the two of you apologize. It’s nice to talk like college kids again. The Seoul sunlight shines on Jaehyun’s face and you bite back a smile when his dimples appear. They aren’t all that bad. If you get along like this, there’s no reason to worry about fate and the universe and other superfluous things offered to you on a boring old ceramic plate. It’s a smooth ride.

Your eyes drift to Dongmin’s workspace instinctively and you shake your head. This is exactly why you were avoiding him and even started the entire fake relationship with Jaehyun. You’d choose fake dating a (good-looking) chump from management over embarrassment and possible heartbreak any day.

You groan internally before glancing again and find the desk empty. Surprised, you blink and turn only to scream at Dongmin’s figure behind you.

“Shh!” he says urgently. “Don’t move. And don’t panic when I say this but there’s a bug on your shoulder.”

“What the fuck? Get it off, please,” you say, voice choking up.

Dongmin rolls up a stack of papers and you let out a low screech. “Don’t kill it on my shoulder!”

“Sorry,” he says and your eyes soften as he gently pushes the paper against your shoulder and takes it away. You breathe a sigh of relief and he signs you a thumbs up as he wiggles the paper in the air outside the window. 

“You saved me,” you say, smiling.

He returns it, his most beloved eye smile making you wonder if you made the right choice. Wouldn’t it be fun to just crash everything and watch it burn? You know you want to. Benevolence and grace were never your style. However, it’s his smile again that stops you. Maybe you don’t really want to be the bad guy after all. You’re sparing him from confusion and dread.

You’re sparing yourself from rejection and inevitable loneliness (yay).

It’s been a week, discussing details with Jaehyun before the both of you collectively decided to just wing it and hope you’re not caught. After all, there’s no real way to prove you’re not soulmates if you’re careful enough (the same way you can’t prove someone’s cheating if they’re careful enough but that’s quite a depressing analogy). Perhaps if you renounce the soulmate benefits (and Dongmin didn’t smile as often at you), it would be less morally taxing. You, however, are greedy. When you want something, you’ll do anything to get it.

You stare at the computer screen and sigh, cross checking the employee records for incorrect data and your eyelids start to droop. Of all the days, you just had to be assigned the most boring task on a Friday. You also should’ve gotten sleep instead of getting mad at Jaehyun’s dry responses to your plan of action. It was perfectly viable; unnecessary, but perfect nonetheless.

Soojin rolls her chair backwards into yours. “We’re going drinking tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your boy-toy too.”

You roll your eyes. “As much as I’d love to call him that, he’s still the chump from marketing for me.”

“Or,” Soojin emphasizes. “Your actual soulmate. How lucky is it that you work in the same building, in the same company?”

“I’m not sure if you’re being ironic.” You scroll through the database with trained eyes.

“I’m not. A lot of soulmates don’t even get to see each other because of their line of work. It’s so tragic.”

You’d be glad if you didn’t get to see Dongmin ever too. But you’ll keep that to yourself. You hum in response and hear a sigh from behind you.

“Let’s have fun,” she whines. “Is Jaehyun that much of a downer? He’s one of the hottest dudes in the building. I thought you’d be cheery.”

You pause and think to yourself. She does have a point. You’re definitely supposed to look happier. Your soulmate has the looks of a model and fifteen year old you would fawn over him no doubt.

“It’s the work,” you answer. “I’m working overtime to compensate for my rent.”

You work overtime anyway because you hate heading home to an empty apartment. 

“Ah, you signed a new lease, right? Near Songpa?” Soojin looks at you with pity and pats your shoulder. “You know what? I’ll treat you to drinks tonight. You deserve a day off, missy.”

You smile. “Thanks, Soojin.”

“And,” she adds in a singsong voice. “The love of your life is here.”

You furrow your eyebrows before tilting your head and almost sighing in exasperation at the figure of Jung Yoonoh outside the glass door. He may not show it, but you know distress when you see it. You’ve seen enough squirming undergraduates at company interviews. 

You quickly get up from your seat, praying that he didn’t mess something up. However, you find it cute when he looks like this, the urge to fluster him even more presenting itself to be rather tempting.

“I think you have a sick obsession with me, Jaehyun.” You cross your arms after closing the door behind you.

He exhales, closing his eyes for a moment before taking your arm and pulling you away from the door. 

“Woah, this isn’t high school. You can’t just pull me into a corner to make out.”

Jaehyun’s ears flare hot red and he clears his throat. “You’re in high spirits today.”

You weren’t, actually. Somehow, teasing Jaehyun gives you the same rush as caffeine. You just love when the nonchalance on his face turns into discomposure.

“I came to give Doyoung these files. Or you, since you’re practically his assistant.”

You ignore his comment. “There’s clearly something else.”

“The team sports event is coming up,” Jaehyun starts, hesitating. “I’m not managing it this year. I have to participate.”

“So?”

“So Dongmin has a higher chance of finding us out. What if he sees my mark in the changing room and it all goes to shit?”

“Great! He’ll think you’re his soulmate and I’ll be spared from this nonsense.”

“I’m being serious. It’s already difficult living with Sicheng and having to change with my doors locked. It’s kind of suspicious.”

“Do you guys sleep naked with each other or what?”

“No, but I do sleep with my shirt off.”

“Ugh. Why would you give me that image?” you complain. The image isn’t bad per se but it’s not what you need right now.

“You clearly liked it,” he mutters. 

You furrow your eyebrows. “You’re not doing this just to give me a load of unnecessary anxiety, are you? Do you know how swamped with work I am?”

“No, of course not,” he answers, no indication of which question he answered. “Also, is there a reason Soojin’s glaring at me?”

You wave your hand in dismissal. “It’s just the haven’t-warmed-up-to-coworker’s-new-boyfriend glare. Don’t worry about it.”

He doesn’t seem too relieved but you have more anxious thoughts invading the privacy of your Friday evening. You have to keep up your composure. It could happen one way or another, perhaps in a situation better than a team sports activity, but you have to figure it out. You reject your soulmate anyway—the same way he would.

Glaring at Jaehyun one last time, you get back to your desk. Jaehyun looks at your receding figure and finds himself checking you out, the largest blow he’s taken to his dignity. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. This is so not like him. He’s supposed to be the suave, handsome guy who people can’t seem to get to and yet—yet, you do it so easily. It’s unfair. He swallows his heart and tells himself he’s too old to feel this way. He’ll just drown himself in work and pretend love is a commodity like everyone else with a corporate job is supposed to. 

“You know,” Soojin starts when you get back. “Jaehyun kind of looks high if you look at him long enough. Weed is illegal though but who knows? Maybe he’s a bad boy deep down after all.”

“Which rumour have you been paying attention to now?” You sigh deeply.

Soojin laughs. “It’s funny to hear everyone’s opinions. Even if most of them turn into scandalous tall tales.”

“Anyway,” she continues. “I’m clocking out. I’ll get Jaehyun to take you to the sake bar.”

You look at her, puzzled.

“You’re a matching set now,” she follows up and you groan.

“Don’t give me that cr—”

“Toodle-oo! Let’s have some fun before we’re grey and old, eh?”

You sigh and nod. Maybe you should look into a caffeine fix, even if it costs you a mental power outage at the end of the rush. It’s not like you to be so down on a Friday but alas, Fate is as miserable a woman as you are. The sake bar is starting to sound good.

Or, you could always watch a few ASMR cooking videos instead of staring blankly at the employee records. Either way, this Friday better improve by tonight.

“This is going great,” Soojin says, louder than she probably intended after her fourth shot.

“Of course it is,” you mutter. 

You haven’t yet had a chance to drink more because of two reasons: one) Soojin is hogging the alcohol and two) it would be embarrassing to get drunk in front of Jaehyun. Adding to your misery, Soojin has been gushing over her soulmate and the way she always makes breakfast for Soojin, listing off every single recipe she’s made. You would love to listen but you’re a tiny bit past your limit.

“Wooh, Jaehyun, you look hot,” Soojin whistles, in more of an older sister manner. “I can almost see your tattoo. Why don’t the two of you show us at the same time and we can take a commemorative picture?”

You cough loudly. “Mine’s on my waist, Soojin. I’m not ready to expose skin.”

“Right. Sorry.” She turns back at lightning speed to bother Dongmin with her stories, who smiles at her politely. It seems so genuine that you’re slightly enamored with it for a moment. There’s Jungwoo from marketing beside him, some more HR employees and thankfully, no interns. Doyoung is the only one partly miserable in the lot, talking into the phone for half an hour now. 

“Shit.” Jaehyun nudges you and whispers, “I forgot about the tattoo. This T-shirt makes it very visible.”

You look at him, alarmed. You fix his jacket, startling him, and pull the zipper all the way to his neck, making sure to backhand him on the chin.

“There.”

“It’s hot in here.”

“What do you want me to do about it? God, you’re like a child.”

“I’m like a—okay. Just cover my tattoo with foundation or something.”

“You think I carry around a whole bottle of foundation?”

Jaehyun blinks, deeming it safer to keep his mouth shut. 

“Okay. Fine. I have an idea. Come to the washroom with me.”

“Oh my, this isn’t your making out in the corner type of thing, right?”

You glare at him and he shuts up, following you quietly to the surprisingly clean restroom. The fact that it isn’t gendered makes you very glad. You make Jaehyun sit on the low enough basin counter and push your knee against it to balance yourself as you take out a permanent marker from your bag.

“I hope Doyoung doesn’t fire me for sneaking away,” you mutter angrily. “He didn’t even make me receive his calls all day.”

Jaehyun scoffs lightly. “Please, Doyoung adores you and your work ethic. He talks about it more than what I need to overhear. That and Taeyong’s detailed aquarium maintenance rules.”

“He does?”

Jaehyun clears his throat and you hold back bombing him with more questions till you’re done with painting an arrow into his tattoo.

“Isn’t it weird?” He looks at you with round, curious eyes. “Yours is a heart. Mine’s a pierced heart.”

“Hm. Funny coincidence.”

“Do you have to sit on my lap for this?”

“I’m not sitting on your lap,” you hiss. You are kind of close. You train your eyes on his collarbone as you pull his neckline down. 

It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this. You’d rather be caught making out with someone in the broom closet. You hold back a pained sigh. Jaehyun has some nerve speaking to you when you’re already annoyed with him. Couldn’t he just have worn his business attire? Why does he get to go home early? Taeyong is far too lenient a boss. You start swearing internally, getting nervous when you think about the consequences of your actions.

“Has anyone ever filed a complaint against you?” Jaehyun asks, and you nudge his chin upwards to draw the line on his tattoo.

“For what? Being perfect and successful?”

“For that attitude. The ‘take what I want’ attitude.”

You roll your eyes. “No. You’re saying it like I’m awful to the core for trying to take what I want. I haven’t got such a bad soul, you know, as souls go. You wouldn't write articles about how good a soul it is but… it’s well enough.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow and you avert your gaze from his eyes. This sort of proximity shouldn’t be bothering you, you shouldn’t be rambling.

The door opens right then and in a fit of panic, you do the unthinkable. You press your lips to Jaehyun’s and pray that whoever walked in has no idea who you are and more importantly, can’t see the permanent marker in your hand. 

“I’m so sorry!”

You know that voice. You half regret it when you hear it. Dongmin exits the bathroom as quickly as he entered and you pull away to look at the empty space. Beside you, Jaehyun stays so still that you forget he’s there for a moment. You breathe out in relief though part of you still feels a heavy ounce of regret.

You turn back to Jaehyun and find his doe eyes soft and lost in thought.

“I get it now,” Jaehyun whispers. “It must hurt. That he doesn’t care about the system.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That he’s so reckless about discarding you.”

You separate yourself from him further, standing up and brushing your clothes. “You’re overstepping.”

“Sorry,” he responds quietly. 

There’s a pause.

“Did you just kiss me right now?”

“Shut up. I didn’t want him to see us and especially this.” You wave the marker in front of his face.

“You just kissed me in a fit of panic. That’s the first time I’ve seen someone respond to panic this way.” Jaehyun looks a little too smug.

“What are you implying?” 

“You wanted to kiss me.”

You scoff. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.” 

You want to knock the smile right off his face but you stick to flicking his forehead, his yell of surprise satisfying. This Friday night was supposed to get better. In fact, you are going to make it better if life won’t. The soju won’t drink itself and you deem that Soojin has had enough. 

Ignoring Dongmin’s confused look, you order far too many soju shots to be considered healthy. As you promised yourself, you are going to make this Friday better.

//

You just had to go and get drunk. Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly and wondering just how much you can embarrass yourself before it becomes a burden for him. He has to get you home; you’re practically a matching set now. But are the halves of a pair supposed to take care of the other when they get drunk?

“You know what, guys?” You announce, standing up abruptly and immediately getting pulled back to your seat by Jaehyun. It doesn’t stop your mouth however.

“I hate the stupid system,” you continue. “To tell the truth—”

He smacks his hand over your mouth. Jaehyun has had enough of the silent mini heart attacks you give him. The rest look at him with puzzled looks and he can’t even bring himself to give them a polite smile before dragging you out of the bar. The night breeze is cold enough—maybe it’ll sober you up.

"You're so annoying, Jaehyun," you mutter, massaging your forehead. "Did you know that?"

Or maybe it won’t.

"Never heard that before."

"How do you always keep to yourself and still be the center of attention?" You cling to his arm for balance. 

"Have you considered that maybe a polite man isn't as scheming as you think he is?"

You curl your lips. "Stop using big sentences. I hate that I barely know you, and I know everyone."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "You just enjoy the power that comes with figuring people out. Don't you?"

"Whatever you say. I want life to be a nice and smooth ride but then again, I can't even face my soulmate." You let out an airy laugh. "I didn't really need one though."

Jaehyun laughs in disbelief. "You look like you're dying of loneliness."

"Ooh, that's a big claim, Yoonoh."

"You say I keep to myself but what about you? You like hiding, don't you?"

You laugh. "Is this the part where I say we're nothing alike?"

He purses his lips, shaking his head in dismissal. He's just tired of chit-chat with someone who smells like she robbed a liquor store in Itaewon.

“You must think I’m some sort of selfish, vapid, work-obsessed overachiever,” you continue, tilting your head with a blank look in your eyes.

“Well, not exac—”

“But guess what? Your opinions are invalid, Jung Yoonoh. You’re just some chump from marketing. A very good-looking chump but still.”

Jaehyun swears under his breath as you fling your arms open in the same manner a speech-giving patriot fighting for freedom would. Unfortunately, the freedom struggle is private in this day and age, and you just smacked him in the nose instead.

You sigh deeply and he looks at you again, warily now as he holds his nose.

“You’re not exactly wrong either. I’m so empty. Like a bottle of soju with no soju. Could you bring me some?”

Jaehyun massages his temples and solidifies his resolve. He’s had enough stares from people on the sidewalk. With delicate concern, he holds you up with one arm around your waist, balancing your weight evenly so you can stand. Promptly, you bury your face into his neck and an embarrassing, high-pitched squeak evades the filter of his mouth. You’re just so adept at making his days (and nights) worse.

Jaehyun tries his best to carry you to the parking lot without any signs of struggle but good lord, are you uncooperative. Once he’s down lugging you to the passenger seat, he breathes out in relief at long last and makes sure you don’t fold in over yourself dozing off the seat. Getting you to sit up, he finds himself smiling the slightest bit at your smudged lipstick. Even like this, you’re quite pretty. 

Realizing what thought came over him, he shakes his head vigorously as if he’s committing a horrible crime. He just has to get you home—Soojin had texted him the address prior to the outing just in case—and then he can go back to pretending whatever he even is supposed to.

The sports event is really just HR and Management trying to one-up the other in a more quantitative way. You’re not really fond of the sweat and heavy breathing that comes with physical exertion if it’s for the sake of competition. Competition is such a childish, masculine way of handling things, especially emotions.

HR is leading in wins, however and that means you have something to rub in Jaehyun’s face. You hate participating but you’re not allowed to opt out without a medical certificate. At least one competition, and you had to choose the three-legged race. All these potential partners, and Dongmin had to choose you.

“I’ll win,” you tell Jaehyun, stopping by him once you exit the changing room. The indoor stadium is usually a recreational facility for senior employees but on sports day, it’s closer to a gladiator arena. The seats are green and occupied by grinning employees, most of them glad for a day off but also upset they don’t get to attend their personal affairs in it.

Jaehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Shouldn’t it be a ‘we’? You need a partner. Oh, are you sad you can’t pick me?”

“Not at all.” You cross your arms, annoyed at his mock pity. 

Right then, Dongmin jogs up to you in a blue tracksuit. His hair sticks to his forehead because unlike you, he takes sports very seriously. Jaehyun, on the other hand, just seems to enjoy the competition. As a guilty pleasure, you’d like to see the two of them compete one day. That would be a competition worth betting on.

“I’ll have to borrow your soulmate.” Dongmin laughs. “The race is starting.”

Life strikes again with its poorly timed irony.

“Don’t mind me,” Jaehyun says politely.

The race is easier than you thought it would be considering most of the other employees struggle with teamwork. You’re the HR team for a reason. But then again, you feel a certain hollowness pervade you while you’re pressed to Dongmin’s side. Wouldn’t it be nice?

All you can think is that Dongmin and you are perfectly in sync. The realization comes off as sad despite your victory and the wide grins on both of your faces. 

Jaehyun purses his lips and gives the two of you a nonchalant look. He’s avoided getting caught in the changing room quite well. For some reason, he’s glad that you’re winning but also dissatisfied about it. He would certainly feel different if he were participating in that race, wouldn’t he? He would win. Losing a competition is a huge blow to his ego. Lately, he seems to be losing a lot of races. The two of you have been growing closer and he doesn’t mind late night discussions about flawed systems and childhood memories; but the fact that you’re growing on him is something for him to be on edge about. He’s never felt so close to someone, and still so far.

“Oh, they have good chemistry, don’t they?” Doyoung comments beside Jaehyun, before taking a sip from his bottle.

“What chemistry?” Jaehyun snaps and Doyoung almost chokes on the water.

“Chill out, man.” Doyoung eyes Jaehyun’s figure in concern. “She’s like officially yours.”

Jaehyun refuses in a series of sputtering responses. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not jealous. I’m not that kind of man.”

“I didn’t paint you as that kind of man either,” Doyoung mutters before speaking up. “But love, Jaehyun. Love’s a weird thing.”

Jaehyunn ignores his comment and walks down to the grounds, jogging up to you. He immediately forgets to say anything at all. Smooth move, Yoonoh.

You just stick out your tongue at him subtly.

“I told you we’d win,” you say.

Jaehyun crosses his arms. “Congratulations. I thought you, quote, hate this stupid competition for dunces.”

You clear your throat and Dongmin laughs beside you. Before he can offer his bottle, Jaehyun offers his own in a rush. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.

“You guys really are a perfect pair.” Dongmin laughs. “Sometimes I wish Mijoo was my soulmate.”

You give him a pitiful smile. There go your happy feelings of victory.

“But I’m happy this way.” Dongmin nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t give me that look.”

That is not the look he thinks you were giving. You smile. 

“What about this? We can go on a double date! Those are fun, right?” Dongmin muses, crossing his arms.

“No,” you and Jaehyun refuse in a panic, and Dongmin blinks in confusion at the overwhelming response.

“I'm more of a homebody,” you explain.

“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun agrees.

It makes Dongmin laugh aloud. “Oh, fate didn’t go wrong with the two of you.”

Your smile wavers. Did it go so wrong with you and Dongmin? Jaehyun’s hand brushes yours and you look at him. A perfect side profile and flushed hot cheeks with dimples to die for. You wouldn’t mind being in love with him. You don’t mind love much at all. 

Shaking off the thought, you watch as Dongmin leaves the two of you to run to the changing rooms. Eyeing Jaehyun’s red team sweatshirt with “Management” in big typography over the chest, you look back up to his face. 

“Why did you jog over here so desperately?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Jealous?”

“Yes. I am irreparably in love with you.”

He leans in quickly and you flinch, making his dimples show up.

“Asshole,” you curse. “I’ll file you for harassment. Don’t do that again.”

“Isn’t it harassment when you feel me up while you draw—” Jaehyun leans in to whisper. “—the soulmark?” 

“I would never have my hands near your greasy existence if I could,” you huff, scandalized. 

But the thing is, Jaehyun is getting better at this game of flustering each other and you don’t like it one bit.

“Hey, you know Dongmin’s girlfriend?” he asks suddenly. 

You nod. “Kind of. I’ve seen her pictures on Instagram.”

Jaehyun pauses before humming in realization.

You cough. “Not that I was stalking them or something. Obviously.”

Jaehyun gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t question anything, much to your aggravation. It would’ve been better if you had a chance to prove you weren’t stalking them but then again, that is exactly what you were doing.

“Well, we went to the same college. Same major too.”

“Are you serious? Wait, how do you know? Does this mean you stalked their Instagram too?”

“Too?”

“Shut up.”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“She’s not exactly the evil homewrecker type,” he says.

“I know that,” you snap. If anything, you feel like the evil homewrecker even if Dongmin’s supposed to be your soulmate.

They’re so reckless. Jaehyun was right—you do blame them in a way. They don’t care who they trample under their nauseating parade of romance. But then again, that parade is better than a personal rejection.

“I’m just saying… don't hold it against them.”

“I don’t remember asking for advice, Jung Yoonoh.”

Jaehyun shrugs, dropping the issue. The preparations for the next race is starting and it has something to do with passing balls from basket to basket—you get bored already when you see Doyoung stretch before shaking hands with Taeyong.

“Wanna get ice-cream? We funded the food truck this year.” Jaehyun looks expectantly at you.

“Sure.” 

You contemplate holding his hand for a moment but let that thought bury itself. You don’t have to pretend right now. 

Much to your despair (or delight) however, Jaehyun takes your hand absentmindedly as he walks towards the exit. It’s not that you’ve never held hands before, it’s just that Jaehyun’s skin is soft against yours.

“I can’t believe you and Mijoo were in the same course.”

It seems she’s ahead of you in every direction you look to tread on. Of course, you will not be telling Jaehyun that. You don’t exactly feel jealousy—can’t feel jealousy when your life is perfect as it is. And for Jaehyun? You hate to admit it but you’d trade places with Mijoo any day.

“Well, she didn’t really like socializing back then so I didn’t know we were in the same program either.”

You chuckle, glancing down at your intertwined fingers despite your best efforts. It feels nice like this. It feels nice to be wanted by someone—even if it’s a lie.

“Do you think- Do you think they’re brave?” You ask. “They didn’t even hesitate to disregard the system.”

“I think people in love are always brave.”

You hum, looking down at your feet. All the more reason the system fucked up. You were never even supposed to be partnered up. You’re not brave—the face you put on is. The idea of love seems to get further and further away from you.

Just then, Jaehyun tugs at your hand, walking slightly faster and making you complain as you jog to catch up with his long strides. The food truck is fairly large, on the street outside to the stadium entrance. February is catching up with its heat and you curse at global warming for this hot winter day.

“You can take up to five scoops of different flavours,” he informs you, grinning sheepishly. “I guess the cups aren’t large enough for beyond that.”

“I didn’t know you were this passionate about ice-cream,” you say.

“Sicheng rubbed off on me.”

You laugh. IT must have given Sicheng enough stress to develop a sweet tooth. You love the HR Department when you look at the others in your company.

Jaehyun has a nice smile. You don’t know why you think that but you do and now you can’t focus on anything apart from the pink dust sprinkled over his cheeks and the handsome dimples that accompany. You don’t want to stare but clearly, Jaehyun must have been blessed by some divide being if not for fate. Maybe he’s a mess up like you. As far as you know, his soulmate doesn’t exist. That little red heart is so simple that none of the soulmate designs match it.

A rather repulsing part of you is happy about it. You like the feel of Jaehyun’s hands. You like the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t mind it if he were yours.  

Jaehyun’s house is as cosy as his mother makes you feel. It’s been a while since you’ve been home and if you were perhaps less emotionally constipated, you would have tears welling up in your eyes. There’s quite a few relatives too but then again, every Asian family jumps at the chance to celebrate something as mediocre as engagements and marriage and soulmate findings. Apparently, hormones are perfectly fine to them once you’re not teenagers anymore.

This isn’t so bad. What was so scary about meeting parents again? Jaehyun’s dad did challenge you with a questionnaire but lucky for you, you know exactly how interviews work. You’ve got enough information on Jaehyun from the man himself for this visit. The briefing he gave you was boring though; you already know what you need to know about Jaehyun.

You sit at the table, while most of the other guests work in the kitchen. Jaehyun’s mother asks you questions about your life, friendly and welcoming in every way possible. Mothers are truly god-sent. You wonder how she produced someone as far from divine as Jaehyun. (Except in looks, perhaps.)

You say that out loud and get a sharp quip from Jaehyun, his mother’s eyes lighting up at your childish interaction.

“Oh my, fate is never wrong!” She remarks with a wide smile. “I’ve never seen Jaehyun open up so much with anyone before. He was such a shy boy in school, you know? All the girls would send letters and confessions and he would just turn red in the face.”

“Mom.” He smiles all too sweet at her but you can see the panic in his eyes.

She rolls her eyes before turning to you. “Darling, you have no idea how proud I feel to see him this at ease. I was honestly getting tired of all the ‘your son is so polite and well-mannered’ comments. Some bickering ought to do him good.”

“Mom,” he repeats, straightening. “I think auntie needs some help setting up the table.”

“Don’t shoo me away yet. I have to tell (name) about the time you were elected class representative in middle school. And all those sports and acting awards.”

“You don’t have to advertise me, Mom,” he says, dropping his face into his hands to rub at his eyes, already growing tired. “I’m already- I’m already hers.”

His mother coos and apart from the expected deep red flush on Jaehyun’s skin, you find yourself feeling hot in the face too. Jaehyun’s aunt calls for his mother right then and you watch as she makes her way to the kitchen entrance, the two women glancing at you and giggling to each other over some shared words.

Jaehyun takes the opportunity to grab your hand and walk away to a more obscure part of the house upstairs. With significantly less relatives, it should be a good hiding spot unless discovered by his giggling cousins that he refuses to introduce you to. 

“Aw, what a shy baby,” you coo, smiling at the thought of a younger, easily-flustered Jaehyun.

His ears are bright red and you think that he’s still easily flustered. He just doesn’t show it much anymore—there’s only one dead giveaway.

“Forget everything my mom said,” he instructs. “It’s not important information.”

“Oh, no, darling. Your mother is a gold mine of vital information. You know what? I’m going to go chat her up right now. I’m sure you were quite the teenage dream I should know about.”

Jaehyun grips your wrist before you can escape, pulling your closer.

“Don’t.”

You don’t know if it’s the proximity or the fact that there are most definitely a few family members that could walk in right now—but you find yourself embarrassed as you look at his face. It’s very pleasant, handsome even, and the strands of his hair look irresistibly soft from this distance. You reach your hand out and brush the hair out of his eyes, almost instinctively. 

“You have nice eyes, Jaehyun,” you say out loud, not sure why. He doesn’t fluster this time but it makes you all the more aware of your nearness.

Your eyes glance at the bottom of the staircase to see a little girl, around nine, hiding from behind the wall that separates the dining room and the kitchen. You return your gaze to Jaehyun with a smirk.

"We should kiss right now. Your little cousin's watching."

Jaehyun looks mildly disgusted. "Why would I want to kiss you in front of my cousin?"

You roll your eyes. “You don't get it, do you? The fastest way to convince a family is through rumours.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. "So?"

"Oh my god, you're an idiot. Nosy cousins are the most effective way to spread rumours."

"Ah." Jaehyun looks enlightened enough for you to continue.

"Okay, but first you need to have these mints." You take out the emergency mints from your purse.

"What? I don't need mints. I have nice smelling breath.”

"Everyone needs mints, Jaehyun. Especially men."

Jaehyun sighs heavily. You take the opportunity to grab his wrist and pull him into a corner. 

"Have this mint or else."

You hold his face between your thumb and forefingers, cheeks squishing under the pressure as you force a mint in. He lets you do it for some reason, looking lost as he gazes at you. 

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh my, you're enjoying this. Pervert."

"Wha—what? You have to stop thinking you're hot shit, oh my god. I just got distracted for a bit."

"By me, right?"

"No! I just zoned ou—you're enjoying this."

You bite down your smile but a giggle escapes you anyway. Jaehyun rolls his eyes though he smiles, looking far too close to irresistible when his dimples show.

"You can't keep teasing me," he says, voice low.

"I've been doing it for two years. I'm pretty sure I can do it for at least two more."

Jaehyun scoffs, laughing at your statement. "You know what? I'm going to get back at you from now on. I've been so lenient."

You snort before pressing the back of your fingers to your nose. "You? You're going to get back at me? You’re good at lip service, Jaehyun."

“Huh. You might be right about that.”

There's a beat of silence and you look at him expectantly. In the next beat of your heart (or lack thereof), he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours, surprising the life out of you as your back hits the wall. It's not just a touch either, his mouth moves over yours and when your knees feel weak, you reluctantly admit that the rumour about Jung Yoonoh being a good kisser is true. Maybe his body count isn't a lower-end single digit after all.

He pulls apart with a short smile tugging at his lips. "Satisfied?"

You sputter out a response before clearing your throat. “I- I don’t think anyone really saw us in this corner.”

Jaehyun makes a low humming sound. “Or you could just say you want me to kiss you again? I know I’m a good kisser.”

“Fuck off.” You punch his chest, eliciting a quiet grunt from him.

You move away from him, peeking from behind the wall. Oh, she saw it alright. The giggling gives it away and the fact that a few more younger cousins have gathered. This is ridiculous. The fact that you wouldn’t mind more is even worse.

You turn back to Jaehyun with steel-set eyes. “No more kissing. Ever. Never again. Kissing is officially banned.”

Jaehyun looks perplexed. “I thought that was a good kiss. Did you not enjoy it? What do you mean no kissing?”

“And I take it back.” The heat on your face is still burning steadily. 

“Oh, I see. You liked it so much that you’re embarrassed.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“So I’m right?”

You roll your eyes and quickly walk down the stairs, a few words of complaint left hanging in the air as Jaehyun follows behind, stumbling over the steps.

Jaehyun likes how comfortable this is. He doesn’t mind glaring daggers at each other but this is fun too. It’s like he doesn’t have to be careful about the lines he might be crossing—there aren’t any damn lines at all. He can’t call it love, at least not by definition, but something is there. Something that is solid enough and heavy enough. Something he would be ready to hold on to.

You laugh at a joke Jaehyun’s dad makes. A family is the only place to feel at home. It might not be yours but maybe at the end of the night, you can convince them to disown Jaehyun and adopt you as their child instead. His cousins seem to be interested in the same things you were as a high schooler and it surprised you. Your job lets you advise the older cousins in a fairly friendly fashion. The little ones seem to like your dress and you find them far too adorable with their pink cheeks and dimples, much like Jaehyun’s. Speaking of which, he definitely got them from his dad. You look around and wonder how Jaehyun has so many female cousins and not an inkling about how women work. 

It doesn’t hurt anymore that Dongmin discarded you so recklessly.

He’s wrong. Jaehyun’s wrong. It doesn’t hurt—didn’t hurt right now at the very least. When Jaehyun kissed you, you didn’t think of Dongmin or his girlfriend or anyone else. You thought that Jaehyun’s skin is somehow always the right temperature. 

You shake your head. Jaehyun drives your getaway car and you shouldn’t get too comfortable in its worn-out leather seats. This shouldn’t be any different to you; you aren’t supposed to find love in every corner. This was all a survival instinct. 

The more stories Jaehyun’s mother shares with you over dinner, the more you find it comfortable to be here. You don’t feel this welcome in your own apartment (although, there isn’t exactly anyone else living there but you and the goddamn pigeon that wakes you up at six in the morning). The more the night progresses, the more you want to believe in this lie. Jaehyun glances at you from time to time, his gaze neither uncomfortable nor harsh and you smile at him when he does. Right now, there is no loneliness and the air is warm and smells of freshly cooked food; the way familial love works is such a mystery. You feel content.

“Why are we doing this again?” you lean in and ask Jaehyun, eyes focused on the TV as he tries to fix it.

“Because I need to get out of work, and fulfilled soulmates get a day off on Valentine’s day.”

You nod. “Your apartment kind of stinks. I feel sorry for Sicheng.”

“This is clean,” he defends, pointing at the lack of any visible mess in his room. His work table, however, has too many items scattered over it to be called neat. There’s a fairly large TV attached to the wall and you’re a little jealous about it. You only ever watch shows on your (quite beloved albeit small) laptop. The blinds aren’t fully closed, the evening city lights trying their best to pry their pervasive fingers in and add something more to the peach hue of Jaehyun’s room.

The doorbell rings just in estimated time for food delivery, a sigh leaving your mouth along with a ‘finally’. His place is strangely comfortable and much less of the war zone that you expected. There’s no reason to feel awkward, really, or even the bubbling in your stomach. You’re not seventeen, in your crush’s house. Jaehyun isn’t even someone you like that way.

It’s just two friends hanging out and watching a movie and doing other friendly activities. Two friends hanging out on Valentine's day. Two friends who have kissed more than once.

What do lovers do anyway?

This thing with Jaehyun has turned into clandestine smiles at the office building, subtle texts of ‘did you eat?’ and ‘good morning, idiot’, racing hearts at brushing hands on the occasional off-work hangouts (you refuse to call them “dates”) and overall, a lot more pink hearts floating over his head when you see him. It’s positively appalling. 

You don’t mind it one bit.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” The delivery man wishes as he leaves and you feel a sudden rage bubble up in you. 

“Ah, does he think every couple celebrates Valentine’s day? And just because we’re in the same apartment means we’re a couple? Wow.” You cross your arms, scoffing. “Who’s he to wish me?”

“Why… Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun asks quietly, slightly confused.

You glare at him, your anger not quite dissipated and walk back into his room, placing the box of confectionaries on the bedside table with a loud thud. Jaehyun follows, placing the drinks rather clumsily beside it. He gives you one last look of concern before settling down on his bed.

You let out another huff of complaint.

"Does everything have to be heart-shaped?"

You stare at the nauseating display of baked goods delivered in a pretty heart-shaped box. The brownie is in a clear plastic box that has a tiny bouquet of hearts atop it, the coffee cups have heart stickers around the rim, and the pastry itself is heart-shaped or rather, two halves of a heart. One of them is strawberry pink and the other chocolate brown.

“You seem… suddenly fired up,” Jaehyun comments quietly.

You don’t really care if you look crazy to him right now; he’s already seen the worse parts of you. You’re just so annoyed at all this red and pink that was delivered. Aren’t cafes supposed to stick with that beige-cream palette? 

While you contemplate, Jaehyun tears the little sugar packet and attempts to open the lid of the cup at the same time, your blood pressure rising at the sight because you were half sure he’d spill the drink. After much difficulty, he shakes the packet trying to get just enough sugar but of course, like the clumsy oaf he is, he misses almost entirely, spilling sugar over his coffee table. It’s oddly endearing but that’s a thought you’ll keep to yourself.

He turns to you with a sheepish grin and you give him a look of distaste.

“You are a sorry excuse of a person, Jaehyun.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t mess this up.”

You turn to look him in the eyes, the honey shade alluring under warm apartment lights. They really are pretty. 

“I, and every other sane human being, would not mess up adding sugar to a cup of coffee.”

“You faltered for a moment there.”

That was not the reason you faltered. You roll your eyes and look away, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste.

“How do you even like Americanos? Don’t you like a bit of cream and sweetness?”

 “I don’t really care for bitterness,” he answers.

“Wow, you must be a masochist.”

“And it’s quite obvious you’re a sadist.”

You snicker. “That makes us quite the pair.”

“I would like that sentence in a non-BDSM context, thank you.”

Jaehyun turns on the TV and the Netflix logo animation pops up. You raise an eyebrow at his ‘Continue Watching’ list, eyeing Bridegerton and Sweet Home, and wondering if he could be any more of an enigma. You can’t possibly figure him out at this point. You groan when he picks a title.

“Ugh. Do we have to watch a romantic comedy?”

“What? They’re funny. And I thought you liked those 2000’s movies.”

You believed in unicorns and sock goblins and love back then too. These days, you hate to see other people in love, especially when it’s fake. The movies you loved are now the movies you hate. The couples you eyed with delight at parks and cafes are now the bane of your existence. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that you enjoy the digital fireworks from a couple having a massive online breakup. Things falling apart are entertaining when it’s not happening to you.

You purse your lips. Can't you see other people happy without wanting to tear it down for yourself?

“Fine. But I’ll pick the 2000’s romcom.”

Jaehyun shrugs and hands over the remote. You see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds on the poster and click on it immediately. The Proposal has a good enough comedy to romance ratio, in your opinion.

“I’m kind of surprised you came,” he says quietly.

“Why?” You raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of the suggestive nature of visiting someone’s apartment on Valentine’s day? Did you think we’d be doing something… more fun?”

You lean in and bat your eyelashes suggestively, although you’re clearly joking.

“I think you should know better than to get mouthy with me,” he answers as he leans in further, making your heartbeat hike at the proximity. Maybe he’s figured you out. Wouldn’t it be so nice to figure each other out at the same time—like puzzle pieces fitting together?

You move away from him. “Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere else. And I didn’t want to stay in my own apartment.”

“Maybe you enjoy my company?”

“Look, I would be sipping my coffee at a perfectly aesthetic cafe if it weren’t Valentine’s day.”

He raises an eyebrow at your nonsensical declaration and you sigh, trying to explain yourself.

“Cafes just terrorize the single folk on Valentine’s day. You should always go with Netflix,” you say.

“And chill?”

“Do you even know what that means?”

“As I’ve told you so many times, I am not stupid.”

You inhale, an idea presenting itself.  

“Hey, since we’re technically a couple, shouldn’t you be sharing your Netflix password with me?” you ask, pressing your lips into your cutest smile.

“No.”

“You’re so stingy,” you mutter. It was worth a shot.

Jaehyun laughs, your hand reaching out to poke his dimples but you stop yourself. You weren’t supposed to get this comfortable. This wasn’t your place to be. Lost in thought, the moving screen leaves you unfazed and you can’t look at him anymore. However, Jaehyun reaches out right then and wipes at the space beside your lips, your focus lifting from the beginning scenes of The Proposal and latching onto Jaehyun’s lips.

There’s a pause, your head clearing itself of thoughts when you make eye contact with him. Soft hair, doe eyes, full lips and dimples—he’s so damn attractive, it hurts your existence. Does he have to be this close to you? You have mixed feelings about that look in his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers suddenly.

“Yes,” you answer.

If you look from a rational point of view, you should not have said that. You should have said anything but that. But you don’t want to think right now. Jaehyun’s touch is warm over your skin as his hand rests under your jaw and the other on your waist.

You should not have said that. But you feel loved.

Somewhere along, you find yourself parting only to kiss again, the feeling of skin so delightful in a way you’ve never experienced. Your shirt hikes up and you see Jaehyun eye the little heart with the arrow—the sign you so despised with a gentle smile.

“It’s pretty,” he whispers.

It’s pretty but it isn’t his. He doesn’t have to look at you like that—he’s come a long way from nervous glances and now he’s the one making you nervous. Just say it isn’t love and it will be alright.

You part, sobering up for a moment and you disentangle your limbs to sit at the side of his bed.

“What’s- What’s wrong?” Jaehyun whispers.

You exhale.

“All my life, I wait and when it comes, it’s all wrong,” you say, staring at your lap. Self-pity is the most disgusting kind of pity to feel. You’re past crying at things like this. You’re past crying for an ounce of romance, every time you listen to a love song on the radio or look at an Instagram post of a couple or pass by lovers on the sidewalk content with each other. You don’t even have cats to return home to. Modern loneliness is wearing you down but you can’t believe in fairytales anymore.

He scoffs, smiling bitterly. “I don’t even know if this is worth losing my dignity over.”

“Jaehyun—”

“We can’t pretend anymore—I can’t pretend anymore,” Jaehyun exhales. “I want you enough to forget the system. Give me an answer. Please.”

You don’t mind forgetting the system right now. Jaehyun’s lips are always the right temperature; the warmth of his body seeps through his shirt as you press yourself to him in a hug. He’s perfect and right now, you want to believe he’s perfect for you—even if he isn’t, you want to believe it into existence.

You cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, unsaid emotion in his doe eyes, and kiss him. This time, you mean it with every ounce of your being. There’s no more flustering each other, just the hot flush of intimacy when you feel skin that doesn’t burn you. It’s just the right feeling. There’s no way this can be wrong. 

Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? You wish the voice would pipe down. It’s a coward, fearing fate just as everyone else does. But you are better than that, and this feeling is too enjoyable to let go. You don’t want this to fade.

Just then, Dongmin’s face comes to mind and you think that maybe if you kiss someone else with all you have, you don’t have to think of your shortcomings ever again.

Jaehyun pulls apart and you miss the warmth.

“You’re not… You’re not thinking of me, are you?” he asks. 

You don’t answer, even if the silence is overwhelming.

“I’d rather not have you close your eyes and think of someone else when I’m in front of you.”

“I’m sorry” is all you can say.

“You can at least pretend to love me.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Could. It’s not like this was ever supposed to work out.”

You gulp, looking away. “Jaehyun, come on. That’s not like you. We were- we were just… having fun.”

He takes a deep breath. “It hurts to not be wanted by someone you want. You know that. So why are you doing this to me?”

Because misery likes company.

“I’m sorry.”

It seems the phrase you barely uttered when you were younger is tumbling out of your lips in a mixture of grief and pity. Perhaps it’s karma. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just the consequences of your mistakes.

Jaehyun parts his lips, a sigh departing. He leans in again, pushing away all of his thoughts. A little more hurt won't kill him tonight. How and when did you bring him down to his knees?

However, he's stopped by your hands against his shoulders, his lips hovering over yours.

"Let's stop," you say. "You're right."

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”

You wish you could be brave enough to burn the instruction pamphlet from destiny. But right now, you need to get away from Jaehyun, away from any more misery business.

“I’ll get going,” you say, gathering your stuff. 

Jaehyun hesitates but doesn’t stop you. He would never stop you, can’t stop so how could he even dream of stopping fate? This can never work out. It felt right in the moment but you don’t know anything more than that. You can’t close your eyes and pray everything disappears. No one else will solve your problems for you, you know that.

It’s time you start fixing the mess you made. You leave with a polite goodbye and hear a loud sigh behind you once the door is closed. Blinking away the urge to walk back in, you take long and quick strides to the elevator. You’re going to fix this.

Maybe if Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ wasn’t blasting at full volume at this stupid office party, you could be thinking a little straighter.

He was right. You can’t pretend anymore. There were thousands of ways this could have gone better. You didn’t have to pretend to be soulmates when you’re not. You could’ve discarded your belief in the whole system like Dongmin and Mijoo and dated someone out of spite. You didn’t have to drag Jaehyun into your sorry mess. You need to take out the nail you hammered into your own foot.

It’s the first time you’ve visited the rooftop restaurant from the company’s subsidiary chain of high-end restaurants but you imagined it would be bigger. It’s the news’ fault for making this place seem like a football field. However, you might be feeling that way because the distance between you and Jaehyun is suffocatingly small as is the distance with Dongmin. You don’t need to see Jaehyun tonight.

You don’t intend to make your confession a public affair and you certainly don’t believe in tack things like atonement. However, improvement begins with a step in the right direction. Maybe you’ll be a better person after this. Maybe you’ll still be as annoying and pushy as ever. You need to get it off your chest so you can proceed with the already tedious journey that comes with a soulmate rejection. You wonder why there’s so many man-made laws about soulmates when fate has made it complicated enough as it is. Love is the same as legalese when it comes to this system.

You flit about the crowds, smiling and greeting people and swerving away from Jaehyun every time he tries to approach you. You’re trying to make a good decision for once. He better not intrude. You’re wearing pink too, for the first time in a while: a satin shirt, pants and blazer set in dull pink.

“Dongmin,” you say, pulling him by the sleeve of his blue tux, and away from the rest of the HR team. “I have to show you something.”

“Hm? Show me?” He blinks at you. 

You get him to follow you to the inside the premises, stopping when you’re far into a 

“Uh?” Dongmin looks around before leaning in to whisper. “You’re not plotting to murder me, are you?”

You blink, and he laughs at you incredulously. “Why are you so serious?”

“I was lying,” you rush. “With Jaehyun. He’s not my soulmate. You are.”

Dongmin blinks in confusion. “Are… you joking? That was a weird joke but it could pass as funny—”

“Dongmin.”

You pull out your shirt from your pants, exposing the tattoo on your hip. It’s the little arrowed heart that has been plaguing you for years but now when you look at it, you feel no animosity. After all, it’s been through the same things you have. 

Dongmin’s face falls into stunned silence, eyes fixated on your waist.

“That’s- That’s my—what is this?”

Russian roulette is certainly not the same without a gun.

“I lied, Dongmin,” you answer, fixing your shirt back in. “I was so afraid of your rejection that I made an even larger fool of myself.”

His initial shock seems to have partly subsided.

“You… Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks momentarily hurt.

“You have Mijoo, Dongmin. I can’t ruin something like that.”

A love that doesn’t need fate to fix it.

Dongmin glances away in guilt and sighs, though the sound is croaky. This must be more than what he can take.

“I’m sorry,” he says, haltingly. “I hurt you, didn’t I? When I thought I was being brave, I hurt you instead.”

You smile bitterly. “We all hurt someone, Dongmin. I still have to fix that one for myself.”

He scans your face, lips trembling slightly as unspoken words die on them.

“We’ll tend to the legal stuff later, hm? No compensation. We can file a mutual rejection.”

“But—”

“Shh. I’m happy enough as coworkers and I get paid more than enough for this job. Might get a promotion soon too.”

You wink at him with an added finger gun, trying to play it cool. Despite everything, a weight feels lifted from your shoulders. Now that you are truly alone, you might as well embrace this growing loneliness crawling under your skin. Discomfort could be something you can get used to. 

When you get back to the warmly lit rooftop, the HR team looks at you curiously. You have the most self-destructive thought you’ve had in a while and tell yourself, you might as well if you've come this far. This is it. This is your social death. Honesty is the best policy, unfortunately.

“Dongmin and I have the same soulmate mark,” you announce. “We’re soulmates but we’ll sign a mutual rejection.”

Doyoung looks almost like he’ll faint and Soojin’s mouth is so wide open, you could practice throwing some mini basketballs in. This is your team—almost a second family, and it’s time you stop trying to hide yourself or disguise your feelings as something they’re not. They’ll get over it, as will you.

“J-Jaehyun?” Soojin looks to your side and you turn to find Jaehyun frowning.

“You could’ve discussed this with me,” he says, an odd sound of relief in his laugh. 

It hurts to look at him but you muster up your strength.

“I’m sorry,” you say, facing him. “I didn’t want to drag you into this hell with me.”

Into this loveless hell made for you.

“(name).”

It’s so painfully quiet in this corner; there are so many eyes on you and only the hurt taking shape in Jaehyun’s eyes knock some sense into you. 

“I’ll leave first,” you say, bowing as you take your leave.

You brisk up your pace and exit the venue as quickly as you can and into the building corridor.

Unfortunately for you, you recognize the pair of footsteps that follow you—both of them having their timings wrong. Boys don’t chase after the girl when she’s walking away. Boys should leave a girl alone when she feels like she’s about to cry.

You turn to face two men and groan internally. This is the worst possible situation—you’d rather crawl into a hole than look at either of them. The corporate light shines harshly on either of their faces but the look on them is so earnest, you want to close your eyes and scream. You don’t mind being alone. You were overstepping when you wished you weren’t.

“(name),” Dongmin starts. “I’m sorry it turned out this way. If you’d told me, we could have talked this out.”

A light scoff leaves Jaehyun and Dongmin purses his lips. It’s kind of funny watching both of their tall frames in hesitant postures and you cross your arms. You’re going to deal with this quickly like you always should have. If you’re dealing with fate, you need to have a clear head—and fortune doesn’t favour fools. Being with Jaehyun was nice but he is not yours. Dongmin may have been assigned to you but you’d rather not ruin someone’s relationship.

“What would we have talked about?” you ask. “Compensation charges? Apologies?”

You see a hint of positivity on Jaehyun’s face and turn to face him, frowning.

“And you. Don’t look so smug. You’re the reason I realized this crap. It hurts. Like hell.”

He opens his mouth but no words come when he’s far too taken aback. He can’t offer consolation now, not after everything. You knew this would happen. You would undoubtedly end up wishing you didn’t fall in love with him on the day you leave.

“(name). Listen to me,” Dongmin calls again, voice gentle.

Jaehyun sighs. “We’re both fucking this up, dude.”

Dongmin takes a sharp breath.

“You know, soulmates can be platonic,” he reasons, looking only at you. “People are made for each other differently and maybe you and I—”

“You’re just making her feel worse,” Jaehyun cuts him off.

“How do you know that?” Dongmin asks, finally turning to him. “Because you’ve spent a month or two with her? I’m her soulmate.”

“I think a month or two is much better than a stranger with the same damn birthmark.”

“Oh come on,” Dongmin scoffs. “The system exists for a reason.”

“I don’t give a shit about the system. The same as your girlfriend—oh, sorry, did you forget about her already?”

“It’s not like that.” Dongmin quietens. “We’ll figure something out.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. They’re worse than you are—honestly, you don’t know what you expected from the timid emotional maturity of men. Both of their polite facades have melted and you’re starting to miss their sweet-tempered work demeanour.

“Come with me,” Dongmin tells you.

He wraps his hand around your wrist and tugs, Jaehyun visibly tensing up at the gesture. He presses his tongue against his cheek in annoyance but refrains from doing anything rash. You feel sorry when you look at him.

“Dongmin,” you whisper. “Can we- can we have a moment?”

Dongmin nods in understanding and exits the hallway to cool off with a few splashes of water in the washroom.

“Would you go with him?” Jaehyun asks, jaw clenched. “An acquaintance as most? Are you willing to run into the arms of fate that you hated so much?”

He looks bitter and you can’t think of a sugar-coated response. You’ll just have to tell him how you feel.

“I need to sort things out, Jaehyun. This—”

You point from him to yourself.

“Couldn’t work out thanks to fate. Dongmin and I will never work out because he’s braver than I am. You know he’s doing all of that just so I don’t get hurt, right? He’s not suddenly in love with me.”

Jaehyun purses his lips, looking down to his feet. Is it so bad that he let jealousy get the best of his mouth? Envy isn’t so awful. He looks from your eyes to lips and wishes he were young enough to believe in fairytales.

“You don’t have to be brave,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be so brave to fall in love. You don’t have to be brave to stay with me.”

“We tried, Jaehyun. And we can’t cheat fate. That, at the very least, requires bravery.” 

You press your lips into a thin line. It hurts. It hurts so bad to look at him and face the consequences of this flawed design. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that you have to follow the rules even after trying your best to break them. 

“You wish you never met me, don’t you?” you whisper. “I made a mess.”

Before he responds, you bow in a short goodbye and walk towards the elevator. There’s no footsteps behind you, no Prince Charming. It’s just you and your high heels clacking against the cold marble as you head back to an empty home. You always thought freedom would feel different, that distance would give you perspective. It just feels awful when no one is around you at all. When you have no one to pick up morning calls from, receive texts from asking if you ate, spend time in peace without uttering a single word—are you free or are you lonely?

The rules state that the two of you are different. It is true. You are as different as love in real life and love in the movies; and neither of them have happy endings now.

You wish you drank some more last night if you were going to embarrass yourself like that. Thankfully, it’s the weekend and you have two more days to figure out how to face your coworkers. You frown when you think of Jaehyun. Were you wrong to tell him that you simply couldn’t choose him? What if fate is right and it falls apart? You stir your morning coffee, the will to drink it fading slowly. It’s already fallen apart—and it wasn’t fate who did that, it was you. Should you have taken his stupidly warm hands and asked him to follow you? You don’t understand how it works at all.

Centuries of questioning what love is, poking and prodding at it like a lab sample, and there’s still no perfect answer. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is a fever. Love is temporary insanity. Love is acceptance. Love will set you free. There’s just too many variations. You can never tell if fate is meant to make it easier or worse. 

No one questions you at the office and you're not sure if you’re glad or aggravated. Only Doyoung shoots you a pitiful look which you brush off and immediately get into work. Embarrassment is only real if you acknowledge it. However, every time Dongmin tries to talk to you, you ask for space and even alone in your thoughts, you don’t get it. They just have to drift to Jaehyun.

You wonder if what he said was true, that he wanted you enough to forget the system. It’s clearly ruined now. The spiral of thinking has you zoning out during work more often than not and even Doyoung ends up reprimanding you for your lack of focus. Sometimes you want to snap but other times, you’re just hopelessly reciting the events over and over in your head. This was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? You don’t even have the strength left in you to blame it all on Jaehyun.

You pace in the corridors after work, contemplating popping by the Marketing Department. What could go wrong? Sure, it was a little dramatic of you to leave like that but everything can be fixed, right? You groan. What you were supposed to be fixing, you made worse. Are your hands cursed or something? You shake your head, returning to your desk to gather your belongings and head home.

Unfortunately, the sight of Doyoung sitting in your chair alarms you and you stop a foot away. 

“If you’re going to reprimand me for watching cat videos instead of checking the employee records, I can assure you my efficiency is still top-notch.” 

“You’re—what? Never mind.” Doyoung shakes his head. “Can you give this ginseng pack to Jaehyun? I owe him.” 

Oh no. You know where this is going.

“You know I’m going to keep that for myself, right?” You make a face. “I��d rather die than face Jaehyun right now.”

Doyoung shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one running to you. This is in case of an emergency.”

You give him a fake smile and Doyoung shakes his head. “Good to see you’re still great at pretending to be fine.”

You sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me, bossman.”

Doyoung blinks, hand covering his mouth when an audible gasp leaves him. “Woah. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you thank me. But don’t call me bossman ever again.”

“Noted,” you say, taking your bag and leaving with a short goodbye. You’re lucky he lets you off work early, even if you never took it. Employees usually can’t leave until their superiors does and if you were a senior employee, you’d be giving your juniors quite the hell.

You seem to be good at concocting hellscapes. Perhaps, you should look for job openings in the underworld. One last thought of Jaehyun exits your head and you take the bus home, admiring the city you live in and the warmth of people and their relationships. You don’t feel jealous; you just bask in them for the time—be it a mother and her son or two bickering sisters or a lovely old couple. That’s how it’s meant to be, then. That’s how love works.

Jaehyun smacks his head against the sofa armrest for the fifteenth time in a row.

“Dude. You’re going to permanently ruin the fabric.” Sicheng says, eyes trained on his laptop screen.

“I should’ve said something more.” Jaehyun’s voice is so zombie-like, he thinks he should cast himself in the Train to Busan sequel as an extra.

“I’m glad I’m not you,” Sicheng mutters.

“Can you give me some sort of consolation, at least?”

“That’s not what I’m your friend for.”

Jaehyun sighs and resumes smacking the back of his head against the armrest. He really needs to figure this out. After all, he can’t really Google the solution to this.

“One thing doesn’t make sense,” Sicheng says, finally looking up from his screen. “Why do you have the same mark as (name)’s if you’re not soulmates?”

“You’re so incredibly—but adorably—stupid, Sicheng. She drew it in with a permanent marker. She kissed me too! It was sudden and weird but I didn’t mind it.

“Yikes.” Sicheng makes a face. “So… you didn’t take a shower for how long now?”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“The ink hasn’t washed off. I heard you singing in the shower yesterday, how could you not have washed that off? Ugh. Don’t tell me you miss her.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he jumps up and rushes to the washroom. Looking into the mirror, the tattoo poking out from his T-shirt resembles yours a lot more than his. The arrow is still drawn in. Jaehyun’s shoulder slumps. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Turning the tap and letting the water flow, he wets his hand and rubs at his collarbone to remove the arrow.

Except it doesn’t budge. His skin turns painfully red from the rubbing but the ink, which usually washes off in less than five minutes has no intention of leaving. Did you use a different brand of marker the last time? When was it anyway? 

Jaehyun breathes out, firming his resolve. He needs to be with you.

Sicheng blinks in surprise as Jaehyun grabs his car keys, not even bothering to change from an all-black getup of a T-shirt and jeans like some emo teenager, and shuts the front door behind him. Not even a ‘goodbye, I’m leaving!’

Sicheng sighs. Love makes people crazy. He’s not falling into that trap when his soulmate literally doesn’t exist, the same as his soulmark. It seems the contestants in this game are full of exceptions.

You hit your head against your pillow. To visit Jaehyun or not to. You haven’t left your bed since you woke up around seven in the morning, and now it’s ten. Your bedsheets are a mess because you’ve rolled around too much on them (in despair, not with someone unfortunately).

You need the quiet sometimes to let your mind rest, to let your heart rest. You needed time. But maybe it’s been long enough and now you’re just searching for excuses to hold on to your last shred of dignity.

You lift your head up and glare at the box of ginseng on your table. Should you? You reluctantly get up, feeling a sting of pain in your back for lying in that awkward position for so long. Right when you’ve put on your slippers, the doorbell rings and you groan. How did the package you stress-ordered last night arrive so early? These deliveries are getting faster and faster.

You walk to the front door and open it thoughtlessly, freezing up at the sight. Your first reaction is to cover yourself. You’re not exactly your best-looking version at the moment. Jaehyun’s dark circles almost match yours but he’s better dressed than you are—in a black T-shirt and jeans while you’re wearing a Gudetama pajama set.

“We’re not just friends,” he blurts. “We’re not soulmates but we’re not just friends.”

“Huh? Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing I’ve looked.”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in a question look. 

“That’s not important! Look—”

He pushes you inside, closing the door behind him. His hair is so disheveled and messy, he barely even looks like the same well-maintained marketing employee you know. 

Jaehyun tugs at his T-shirt, pulling down to reveal his tattoo—albeit with your marker-drawn arrow through it. He does have a pretty well-built chest, you note before chiding yourself for getting distracted.

You raise an eyebrow. “Do you, uh, need help scrubbing it off or something?”

“No.” Jaehyun lets out a huff of exasperation. “It won’t wash off. If it’s what I think it is—”

“Miracles don’t happen to people like us, Jaehyun,” you say quietly.

He gulps. “I don’t know about miracles but… I just needed an excuse to see you, I guess.”

You look up, a rose blush over Jaehyun’s bare face, and run your finger over the tattoo, sighing at the warmth of his skin. Your hand travels up to his cheek, resting atop it while you muster enough courage to look Jaehyun in his chocolate brown eyes.

You pull away. This isn’t the time. You still have an internal crisis to sort out. Are you even deserving of love? It makes much more sense if the answer is no. 

However, Jaehyun pulls you in by the waist, his right palm warm against your cheek.

“I don’t care what anyone says.” He runs his thumb over your cheek in a painfully fond manner. “You’re worth more than the price I pay for this.”

He leans in and presses his lips to yours swiftly, your head clearing of thoughts almost immediately. It feels so right, you can feel the spark, the red thread around your skin, hear the bells. This kiss was far more perfect than it was supposed to be.

You part, gasping. Jaehyun blinks at you, breathing heavily.

“Kiss me again.”

Jaehyun does as told and you might just believe in miracles this way. With his hand around your waist and in your hair, his lips over yours and the low rumbling laughter that parts the two of you—you might just believe in miracles. You might just believe that love isn't something you deserve by earning.

“I like this,” Jaehyun comments. “I like the way this is.”

You press your finger to his lips. “I think you should shut up and kiss me some more.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I know you’re sexually repressed as of now, but that’s no reason to take advantage of me.”

You scowl, punching him on the shoulder and moving away from him.

“Come back,” he complains in a quiet voice.

“I am not going to do that.” You cross your arms.

“Come on,” he mutters, inching closer as you inch away, till your back hits the couch and you tumble backwards onto it, your legs on the headrest. Jaehyun laughs at your position, leaning in to keep his hands on either side of you, a doting look over him.

“Hey, did you know if I kicked my leg up, it would hit you in the balls?”

“Please don’t do that.”

You giggle, Jaehyun’s nose rubbing against yours in a bunny kiss. 

“Is your place usually this much of a mess?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. 

You sigh heavily. “I was having a bad day, okay? Or… a bad weekend.”

“Do you even have food?”

You look away, crossing your arms. Jaehyun sighs and shakes his head.

“We should go grocery shopping. How do you live like this?”

You scoff. “Oh, spare me the lecture. I’ve heard enough horror stories about your room from Sicheng. You can’t hide from me by sweeping your clothes and belongings into his room.”

“Snitch,” he mutters under his breath.

You can’t help the giggle that erupts from your mouth and you immediately cover it. Jaehyun smiles at you fondly and you look away, unable to bear that gaze of his.

“It really won’t wash off, by the way,” Jaehyun states, scratching at his collarbone.

You narrow your eyes, smacking his arms away to roll off the couch. Taking his wrist, you walk into your bathroom and turn the tap on. Something’s strange. But also strangely right.

“Look, I already tried—ow! Don’t rub that hard!”

You blink in confusion, trying again despite Jaehyun looking like his soul already left him. It doesn’t work. Your marker isn’t even that permanent. At least his regenerating skin cells should get rid of that arrow. Unless the ink was deep enough to pierce all the layers, as in a soulmark.

You gasp.

“You were right!”

“I told you s—”

"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, realization dawning as your eyes widen. "To see if people will question the system at all."

Jaehyun shrugs. “Maybe.”

"Oh, all those unhappy marriages that could have been saved," you say as you exhale. 

Jaehyun chuckles lightly. "I think that the point was, people can be happy without their soulmates. It's whoever you make one out of. Or I Googled too many articles on anti-soulmate propaganda."

You smile, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. Watching his ears turn bright red is the cherry on top.

“Okay, fake-boyfriend-turned-real-soulmate.” You give him a cheeky smile. “Did you rethink your decision about sharing that Netflix password with me? I get the girlfriend free pass, right? Right?”

“I didn’t even share it with my mother.”

You whack his arm, him possibly used to it by now, judging from his lack of response. 

“Idiot.” You cross your arms. “We can Netflix… and chill then. God, I can’t believe I said that.”

Jaehyun breaks into a chuckle. “You’re so pushy.”

 “And you like being pushed around, nerd.”

“Who said that?”

Jaehyun wraps his arms around you, spinning you so that your back hits the door. He leans in to kiss you again and you smack your palm over his pouted lips. You laugh at his face, his eyes brimming with confusion.

“You’re in my apartment. I make the rules here. Think twice before you start a game with me, Mister.”

His shoulders droop. “Fine. Can you at least let me kiss you four times a day?”

“Five times, if you ask.”

He laughs before leaning in again. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“You are one hell of a woman. Emphasis on hell.”

You laugh and grab his collar, pulling him in for the kiss that seals this deal.

You realize a few things in the moment: a) You don’t have to play roulette to find love, b) You don’t have to pick your poison to find love, and most importantly c) Love is right where you make something of it. Fate is still not in your good books but if it bends to you this way, you don’t mind at all. If Jaehyun kisses you like this every day, you don’t mind one bit.