#izzy.txt 2019
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i just want to go back to 2019
#i was on a baby dose of lexapro and it was like a miracle#and i worked my job and i wrote in my free time and i made friends and i had hope.#of course by the beginning of 2020 i was completely burned out and in shambles#and then a global pandemic happened. which certainly didn’t help anything.#but. 2019 was so good. ugh.#izzy.txt
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how am I supposed to accept that it’s almost 2022 when I haven’t even processed that 2019 didn’t end a few months ago yet
#actual sugar post#izzy.txt#2022#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#2019#2021#weh
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anyway if the ending of a character’s arc is gonna be “he is loved, and brave, and forgotten” then uh. sure. fine. that’s your prerogative
but it should be,,, clear to the audience that that’s what’s happening. like, irrefutably clear. cuz even if the characters forgot noah existed, we the audience Didn’t, and just leaving him unmentioned did not bring Any emotional resolution to his arc, tragic or not.
#me gnawing my own arms off#i can't believe i'm doing This at 9pm on a wednesday in the year 2019#I'M AN ADULT WITH A JOB AND I'M SO UPSET ABOUT NOAH CZERNY#izzy.txt
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LADY GAGA SAID YOU WANT CAMP? HERES A COSTUME CHANGE.
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“Either tell me what happens to Finn, or try to explain Brexit to these people”
lmao
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I could write an infinite number of captions to these photos and none of them would accurately depict how much @danielhowell and @amazingphil have helped me over the years. On the off chance they ever see this, I just want them to know I still sometimes think about the hugs we shared back at VidCon 2013, how much their stories meant to me then and what they mean to me now, and that I took a note from their chaotic gay energy coming out via e-mail and MSN, and just posted screen shots of my texts to @allthepiecesfallrightintoplace as a means of coming out. Surprise! 🏳️🌈 (Seriously though: thank you, Dan and Phil.)
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not to be that girl but — i got into my top choice for univeristy!!!
#i've gotten into one other but it was my last choice out of 6#and i was worried i'd be stuck going there bc i don't want to at all#but y'all(!!!!!)#i'm loving 2019#izzy.txt
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damn, it's been two years since i played ac revelations for the first time. i remember it so well. i was trying to choose between ac and cod, and my friends told me to play assassin's creed, so i did. there was no else home, just me. my mom was taking my brother to school (for the first time i think??) and it was a sunny day. i remember THE VIBES and how confused i was bc revelations was my first ac game so i didnt know who desmond was or anything. oh i miss the feeling when you play a game for the first time, it's one of the most magical things you can feel
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i need to get off the viibryd and get onto literally any other SSRI.
#reason number 1: it’s not working anymore. Clearly.#reason number 2: acquiring it is a fucking nightmare and i find myself for the second time this month about to run out with no recourse.#like i cannot continue to jump through hoops and pay up the ass for a pill that isn’t even helping me.#i am. beyond demoralized.#i just want a pill combo that Works. and Stays Working.#i don’t understand like i’ve been switching meds since 2019. that’s FIVE YEARS of trying shit#and i just cannot find a pill or a combo of pills that doesn’t shit out on me after 8-12 months.#izzy.txt
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IF. i put together a pwyw zine with a short story, a playlist, and hand-drawn cover art. under a cheesy emo pen name. would yall buy it.
#i'm really. really thinking i might do it this time.#the story itself holds up i think.#i've got the cover almost done. i'm polishing the playlist.#i'd. really like to just get something Out Here already. that i can point to and say It's Done.#i just gotta figure out logistics. like. would we only want digital. would we want physical. how would i go about all that.#i might just do a pdf first? physical seems complicated. iDK if yall have experience with this lmk.#(it's fallenwip for yall who have been Around since 2019 when i wrote it. the revised version i submitted to mags. hands over face emoji.)#izzy.txt
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if the vraylar keeps me legit stable for more than a month i am going to get SO much done.
#i havent had a period of stability longer than that since EARLY 2019.#there is so much i've spent so long wanting to do and if i can just Stay feeling Like This?? maybe i can ACTUALLY DO IT.#izzy.txt
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longing for 2019
#but it’s not too late. i could make 2024 into 2019 2 the sequel to 2019.#if my brain chemistry can hold out for even a little while.#anyway i see my psych in half an hour. not letting her touch my current formula. may continue to adjust my antipsychotic on my own.#I Need To Be Able To Think And Feel.#izzy.txt
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okay. little things:
1. gerard did not change anything about his Look. he didn’t put on a persona. he went on stage as himself.
2. all the mcr next gen kids were on the balcony!! wearing their lil ear protection!! peeking over the railing! miles (i think) kept hamming it up and waving and flashing peace signs at the crowd below. lynz & the way parents were also up there watching the whole time and getting the whole experience and having a blast! aidan gallagher (number 5 from umbrella academy) was also up there, screwing around and being a goofball before the show started.
3. the crowd was fucking WILD in general like i can’t overstate that but they were especially wild for mikey. he got so much individual support, everybody chanting for him specifically multiple times.
4. gerard asked the crowd to see who had never been to an mcr show before. and it was honestly about 70% of the crowd, at least where i was near the front. he seemed rly surprised by this and then asked AGAIN just to make sure.
5. they did TWO ENCORES. ended on kids from yesterday the first time, then came back to do vampire money & helena, then came back one more time to do wttbp. the last thing we heard them sing was “we’ll carry on.” and then they all ran back onto the stage to take a picture with the crowd.
#i will add more if things come to me#this is just immediate details that stood out like. as someone At The Show. :’)#mcr#my chemical romance#izzy.txt 2019#the mcr adventure#the show.
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my guess is it’s gonna be an album release show.
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we should all start doing the gerard way thing where we just write things on our bodies in big black letters. i’ll go first, today is a “smile” written across the front of my throat kind of day.
#yesterday was ‘hello’ written down my forearm. no i didnt do it but i thought about it all day.#izzy.txt 2019
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the entire staff of the shrine: STOP RUNNING
a room full of mcr fans: UH??? KEEP RUNNING
#mcr#the mcr adventure#we are abt 10-15 rows of people back from the stage#and once the pit opens its obviously gonna squish!!#izzy.txt 2019
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