#ive taught kids like yeah that really is what its like huh

[ratatatastic]

still at sasha trying his very best to cover up his picasso interpretation of a pantr and because jesp filmed after him, his beautiful abstract drawing was on the table and he cant help smiling about it

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2

Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”

Main Chat

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE

Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.

Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”

Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY

HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY

WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY

WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER

BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO

Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.

Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.

Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE

MOSTLY

SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID

Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.

Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE

Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.

Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?

Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU

Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.

Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS

Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”

Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?

Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.

Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.

Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)

An hour later…

Main Chat

Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.

Wu Xie: guys???

Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING

IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.

Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE

Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??

I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.

Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW

STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

ITS GONNA BE OKAY

DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS

DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS

Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.

Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY

THIS AINT ABOUT THEM

YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS

UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?

Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.

Wang Pangzi: WU XIE

TIANZHEN

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE

Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.

Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.

Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE

WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.

Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.

Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK

Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however��I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.

Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR

I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF

Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION

Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.

Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.

Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE

YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY

Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.

Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT

Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.

Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT

THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS

ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO—WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??

At the same time…

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.

Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two

or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way

Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.

Hei Yangjing: r u kidding

he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me

Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.

Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation

Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context

I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?

The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.

[alreadyblondenow]

Changes

Johnny x reader // SMUT, angst, fluff, virgin!reader Summary: Every single part of you changed when you met Johnny. He’s a sweet responsible man who takes care of you even though he’s completely aware that you can take care of yourself. Even so, you let him because he gives you warmth that you can’t give yourself. Word count: 3k Warnings: Virginity loss, swearing, explicit mature themes, virginity kink?, corruption Note: If some words were misplaced, I apologise in advance. Half assed proofread hehe I’ll edit tomorrow im so sleepy. If you read already, Im sending you love. And thanks for putting up with shit hihi

You remember being a good daughter during high school. How you manage to have a high GPA just so you could make your parents proud and go to a nice college.

And when you got in to your dream college, you remember doing everything right during your those four years. Studied harder than ever and almost broke your back from staying up in front of your computer to finish your thesis. It was always about doing the right thing, staying on track, keeping out from trouble, always so sure what to do next after accomplishing the another. Until you met Johnny. It was the first time you felt so dumb and stupidly in love.

“Baby its not even in yet” you were sure that Johnny’s cock was inside already because the stretch hurts. It hurts so bad you can’t breath properly. “It fucking hurts.”

Johnny let out a giggle, kissing your breast while being half inside you, “Baby it supposed to hurt you’re a virgin” he’s clearly enjoying teasing you underneath him and savouring the tightness of your pussy for the first time. “My virgin”  kissing you a little too sweet and soft even though he’s cock is making your eyes teary. He pushes in again slowly with your consent and fucks you slow, then fast when he sees you relaxing already.

“Johnny wait - it really fucking hurts baby” you pant asking for more time. “Okay okay, Im going slow again, sorry. I thought-“ and he fucks you slowly again, kissing your neck and collarbones.

When the pain was gone, Johnny feels good inside you. You let a string of curses, kissing and bitting him almost covering his face with spit. With a steady and deep pace you were slowly getting why people love having sex. “Still hurting?” Johnny already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from you. “Not anymore? Hmm. My virgin girlfriend?” you hum at the pet name he calls you. What a weird thing to call you, you thought. But you love it.

Drowned by lust and pleasure, you didn’t notice Johnny was picking up his pace. He’s to experienced for a virgin like you. The both of you can only groan and moan from the feeling you give each other. Exchanging kisses and bites to show affection and appreciation.

“Ugh you’re almost there now aren’t you?” Johnny asked in between fucking you faster than before but not enough to wreck you. “Feels good now yeah?” he grabs you legs and puts it closer to your chest for a new angle.

“Baby - You fuck good” you gulp, trying to help yourself speak while he fucks you with the new angle. “Is this what I’m missing for months now?” and theres Johnny’s smirk again

“Im afraid so baby, Im afraid so”

You whine when he slowed down his pace. “Do you mind if I play a bit?” you didn’t gave him an answer but Johnny proceeds anyway. He knew you’re at the edge already and being the experienced one between the two of you, he wants to have fun and make the best out of this moment. Unexpectedly you earned long and hard stripes of lick on your cunt that made you closed your eyes shut and yell at him.

Johnny is so amused seeing you so fucked up for the first time. Without a warning he pushes inside you again and fucks you with the same pace as earlier. He noticed your eyebrows furrow and your lips parted letting out sounds so sweet for him.

“I think I found you sweet spot baby” you couldn’t agree more.

“Am I fucking you good huh? Am I fucking you right?” only gasps and moans comes out from your mouth.

“You have to show me baby. You have to cum” but that’s the problem, you knew you have this weird feeling in your abdomen that you somehow can’t let go off. Finally having the strength to talk back, latching on his arms and moving you head from side to side, “I’m trying to let go baby - fuck give me time” but being the dominant that he says he is, Johnny is losing patience and you don’t know what to do. “Aren’t I fucking you good? Why aren’t you cuming yet huh?”

And just as you though the knotting in your abdomen couldn’t get worse, it did. But this time you knew what you want. “Fuck baby! More” to your surprise, he didn’t fucked you faster but he fucked you harder instead. You didn’t know it will give you the same satisfaction that you were craving for just seconds ago before he delivered hard thrusts. He felt your pussy clench and that’s enough for Johnny to make the both of you cum together.

“There you go. You like it rough huh okay I’ll do better next round” Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. You can feel his hips slapping on your skin and you finally felt that sweet release that he was asking for. You cum before him and he chased his orgasm by fucking you faster, he didn’t know that made you overstimulated. “You’re okay, sshh. You’re okay.”

He removes the condom and helped you come down your high. Massaging everything he can as a form of apology, “sorry for being rough” he kisses your shoulders and you encircled your arms around him.

“I got a boyfriend that can fuck that good?” forcing a smile trying to fight the exhaustion. Johnny blushed by your sudden compliment making his eyes small. When you pull him for a hug, his body is warm and sweaty but he surprisingly still smells good. That day you asked Johnny to keep on fucking you until you learn how to be confident on having sex with him. For you, Johnny was the prefect person to help you say goodbye to your innocence.

Every single part of you changed when you met Johnny. He’s a sweet responsible man who takes care of you even though he’s completely aware that you can take care of yourself. Even so, you let him because he gives you warmth that you can’t give yourself.

He completely changed your uptight personality and introduced you to thrills and excitement. You never felt so alive after giving up that perfect image of you that you try to maintain.

He made you crave for pleasure and lust that he’s willing to give as long as you let him love you unconditionally and you give the same in return. Of course you love Johnny. He taught you that love shouldn’t always be perfect and that it could be a lot more complicated sometimes. Which is true. You always thought love should be perfect and it’s always about marriage and having kids. And you want none of that. For the first time in your life you don’t want to follow the life your parents want you to have.

-

Johnny is balls deep in your pussy, panties to the side and fucking you good on the dinner table. The man couldn’t get his hands off of your perfect figure. The room is full of moans and the sound of the table rocking back and forth from Johnny’s thrusts.

“What if we get married?” Johnny blurted out.

That doesn’t sound right. “Ah!” still catching your breath gasping and wanting more but what you heard made your head dizzy. “Johnny, I need you to get off”

“What- why? What did I do?” you got down from the table grabbing your satin shorts on the floor, wearing it again. You see Johnny putting his cock back in his boxer briefs and putting his pants on. “Is it because of what I just said? Im sorry I didn’t mean to. Lets just forget about it okay?”

“The fact that you already considered it Johnny... you will continuously think about it then someday you’re going to ask me again and again” you crossed your arms and sat across the table.

“What?” he scoffed.  “Didn’t you think that someday we will get married? Didn’t that crossed your mind! Isn’t that the goal? Isn’t that our goal!”

“Don’t shout. And no. Thats the last thing that I want. And see, thats what Ive been saying. Once you thought about the M word, you will never stop thinking about it ever again” there was a few minutes of silence, you knew you’re gonna tear up the moment you talk again. But he has to hear your part, he has the right to know what you want.

“Getting... “ your voice already cracked. “Having kids, settling down all of it. You don’t know how those things work Johnny, they’re suffocating. The weight of the responsibilities is unbearable”

“So you’re saying a life with me is something bad that will change your life completely” he wanted you to look at him but you can’t,  “So what? Were just gonna fuck like teenagers until were 40? You sound like you’re going to leave me one day.”

“I  don’t know. Its just… its not me Johnny”

“Or maybe you just don’t love me enough y/n” he pushed his hair back leaning on the table and staring you down with cold eyes, “clearly were not on the same page anymore.”

“Thats not true”

He doesn’t say a word. He gets his jacket and kissed you on your cheeks. You can’t watch him leave because it will hurt you so much. But when you heard your door close gently, suddenly you felt so weak and cold.  

The next day you asked him to go grab breakfast with you before you two go to work. Not knowing how to fix this, you still tried to reach up to him. Maybe you just got lucky that he didn’t want to pry on what happened yesterday and everything seemed fine during breakfast. From there on Johnny stopped talking about what he wants to happen in the future. Not bringing up the M word again, he’s not asking you random baby names anymore, no more IKEA window shopping for your future shared apartment. And quite frankly you miss it. Without Johnny being hopeful like that, your relationship seems dull.

You try to bring the old him back by asking him to go IKEA shopping with you. He agreed but he was quiet the whole time. He just talks whenever you asked him something.

You caught him looking at this couple who was checking furnitures together, his eyes full of envy and you can see right through him.

When you got home, you placed the bags on top of the table and went straight to the bathroom to cry. Constantly blaming yourself for not wanting the same thing as Johnny wants and for ruining the relationship you have. You grabbed a towel from the basket and you bit it to filter your screams. If you thought he didn’t hear any of your sobs and screams, you’re wrong. He’s waiting for you on the other side of the door crying his eyes out too.

Knowing that he’s outside waiting for you, you tried forming your words and forcing yourself to speak. “B-baby, I just cant provide the things you want in life anymore. You’re hurt, Im hurt. And we cant fix it because we don’t want the same things anymore. I can’t force myself to marry you and have kids when I don’t want to. And You don’t have to stop wanting and dreaming to have a family just because I don’t want to. Johnny, I think this is where it ends” You told him he could leave you and there will be no hard feelings. The breakup was somehow peaceful, no screaming and yelling like what you thought it would be. Maybe you just love each other that much but it’s still not enough.

After breaking up with Johnny, you went back home and help your sister plan her wedding. Although the two of you has very different views when it comes to marriage, you loved seeing your sister happy and excited to be married. During the wedding your sister shared the news that she’s already seven weeks pregnant and you couldn’t be more happier and the day became even more eventful because of the little angel. That day, you saw your sister’s husband tear up while she was walking down the aisle. That day, you heard your sister’s husband shout “I’m going to be a father!” You can’t help but think about how happy Johnny must be if he become someone’s husband and how happy he could be when he finally become a father.

After months and months of waiting, you finally met the little angel. An angel that changed your life. You don’t know what happened to you but meeting the little angel changed your perception in life. Yours sister’s baby was a miracle to many people, you included. Seeing how happy your sister and her husband with the baby made you realise that bringing life into this world can give you genuine happiness. You loved your niece unconditionally, showered him with every love you could possibly give and turns out you’re good with kids.

Another wedding is bound to happen, a little rushed and unplanned but you do know the couple loved each other. You knew you could possibly ran into Johnny during the wedding and you did. He looked fine as always, almost made every bridesmaid craving for him.

“All right! calling all the single ladies, it’s time for bride to throw her bouquet”

You were sure you’re sitting far from the bride not bothering to even get up and participate. You were also sure that you will never going to catch it even if you made an effort. But somehow you wanted it to come to you, near enough and catch it with both arms for Johnny. And it did. It landed on your lap. You scoffed looking at the beautiful flowers, smelling it to make it less awkward.

When the party started, everyone was almost drunk enough to care whose wedding it is. Laughter and giggles everywhere. You were alone, enjoying a whole bottle of champagne all by yourself.

“Mind if you tell who’s the lucky guy?” not turning your head back to look, that voice is familiar enough for you to know who it is.

“So happy to see you here Johnny” instead of giving him a hug you gave him a toast. Looking at each other’s fingers. Johnny checks your finger for any sign of an engagement ring and you checking his fingers for a wedding ring.

None. You answered his question to make the situation less awkward, “Just got lucky” you let out a small giggle. “The bride pretty much threw it far. And it just so happens that I’m sitting far enough for it to land on my lap” you both laughed, happy that you’re able to see each other again. Happy to have the chance to see each other’s eyes again without tears in it.

“How about you? Who’s the lucky girl?” Johnny laughs and downed the remaining alcohol from his glass.  

“Still you��

You didn’t expect him to be straightforward but you’re happy about it. That night Johnny brought you to his new apartment and you had sex on his couch, on his bedroom floor and on his bed. The next morning you were welcomed back to Johnny’s life again with all smiles, kisses and a lot of orgasms he almost ran out of condoms.

For the past couple of months you and Johnny were busy catching up with all the years you spent apart and slowly building a more established relationship. Your life couldn’t be more happier.

“Baby Im home. And Im tired” you heard him drop his keys at the table near the door, of course he made his way to the kitchen first. Feeling his arms encircled around your waist, “I’m almost done with making dinner” you gave him a kiss and he made his way to the living room. Then you heard him shout, you slowly put down the hot pot and hurried yourself to Johnny.

“Oh my gosh! Who are you?” Johnny is pointing at your sister’s baby crawling around in the living room, playing with his toys.

“Gosh you scared me. T-thats my sister’s baby. I need to babysit tonight hope you don’t mind”

“Oh! I don’t mind… Come here you little ball of sunshine, lets play” and Johnny came crawling around the living room trying to catch the energetic baby. You giggle at the sight of Johnny crawling around. He’s so tall and big.

“Johnny, I thought you’re tired…”

“Nope. Not anymore”

When you’re both in bed with the baby in between the two of you, Johnny cant stop looking after the kid, humming lullabies and patting his small legs making him sleep deeper.  

“Johnny a lot of things changed when we were apart. I started to love kids and actually looking forward on having one someday” you looked at him,  “or some…” you whispered carefully not to wake the sleeping angel. He chuckled lightly, pushing his hair back “I know” he whispered back. He pats his side of the bed, gesturing you to lay beside him. He puts a pillow next to the sleeping kid so he can still roll around the bed safely.

Johnny pulled you close to him, hovering his leg on yours. He feels warm as always. “For how long?” you asked out of curiosity. “since we got back together. You constantly talk about having our own house someday whenever we watch lifestyle network. And, you constantly ask me to fuck you raw” You were both trying not to laugh so hard cover each others mouths. Before you two close your eyes, Johnny told you he liked the idea of the two of you whispering “Whispering is good. Can’t wait to have more whispering moments with you.”

The next day your sister came in really early, Johnny was still sleeping. You told her how he took care of the baby and that he was the one who babysit the whole night playing and taking care of him. “tell Johnny I said thank you. And please, make your own baby” you can’t believe your sister just told you to have your own baby already. “Okay okay. Get out already before you wake him up. I love you, drive safe”

When you came back to the bed with Johnny, he kissed you good morning completely aware that the baby is already with your sister. “I’m gonna miss the little guy” eyes still closed he’s still whispering so you played along. “Well, we can always make our own little guy” and that woke Johnny up hovering you and showering you with wet kisses. He’s so heavy but you’d rather let him crush you than being away from him again.

“Just so you know I want three kids. Two boys one girl” he says with a big smile while drawing circles around your tummy. “You do realise thats three different educations…” he chuckled and showered your exposed tummy with kisses making you tickle and whine.

“I  know, thats why were gonna save like crazy before having them” he finally kissed you on the lips.

“I like that plan Johnny Seo you sound even more sexier. Lets be sure everything is fine and settled when they enter this world”

“And completely change our lives” he can’t stop rubbing your tummy, “I love how we’re compromising now. I never want to yell at you ever again. Not now, not ever. Definitely not in front our children”

You catch his hand and interlock your fingers with his, “I never want that to happen too baby” Johnny came closer to you, kissing you deeply. “Baby why are we whispering?”

you feel his hands creep inside your shorts, teasing your clothed clit and you let out a soft moan, biting his lips. “I don’t know... practicing to be quiet maybe?” He chuckles in between kisses.

“You going to marry me now?”

“Yes Johnny, I will”

................................................. Masterlist

[444piscesprincess]

childhood friends to lovers/growing up together sterek fic reclist

uhh this kinda got a lil angsty but i recommend you pick a growing up together fic and listen to this song i promise you will not regret it 

https://open.spotify.com/track/5Dz8nrwQlPLE68WaTEIqY5?si=aogjMc1aToSALmAlfQOR7A 

anyways as usual check tags please!!

(click on the title for the fic)

you know you're on my mind

bibliosexual

Summary:

If there’s one thing Derek’s learned in life, it’s that crushing on someone who lives on an entire other fucking continent is probably a bad idea.

(hs!au + texting!au + childhood friends to lovers the ULTIMATE fluff fic)

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)   (series)

yodasyoyo

Summary:

Stiles is six years old when he first hears Derek's voice in his head.

Or what happens if you have a soulmate bond, in a universe where soulmate bonds don't exist?

Up Down Lock Unlock

isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

Summary:

“Why are you going into grandma Ito’s apartment?” he asked.

Derek turned to him, key sliding into the lock. “What do you mean?” He tried to turn it, but the key wasn’t budging. Maybe the lock was sticking again, it’d been doing that the past few days.

Stiles was staring at him like Derek was stupid.

Derek did not appreciate sass from a ten year old.

“That’s grandma Ito’s place.”

“No,” Derek said calmly, pulling the key out and then shoving it back in, wiggling it a little when it continued to refuse to unlock the door. “This is my place.”

“I think you’re on the wrong floor then, because that apartment belongs to grandma Ito.”

(time travel counts as childhood friends right?)

the difference between going back and going home

thepsychicclam

Summary:

Stiles and Derek were inseparable growing up, but then college, jobs, and life happened. When Stiles comes back to Beacon Hills a decade later, he doesn't expect to reconnect with Derek, and he sure doesn't expect to fall in love with him.

It's Such a Gas When You Bring Up the Past

orphan_account

Summary:

Stiles finds a box of old photo albums that dredge up the sweet, the funny, the adorable, and the mildly heartwrenching parts of his and Derek's past.

(mainly a friends fic but its too cute to not include)

It's Always Been You

charlesdk

Summary:

Stiles' love life was practically non-existing, always had been. He was always terrible at picking up clues when people hit on him (it had happened, Erica had been witness to it and had been the one to let him know it was happening in the first place) because he never expected anyone to do so.

He wasn't the most desirable guy around, he knew that. He was loud, extremely nerdy, never knew when to stop talking, not exactly much of a looker if you asked him, the list was endless.

Point was, he never did know when someone was flirting with him. Which was probably how he ended up in the fight that would change his life for the better.

Lead You Home Again

GotTheSilver

Summary:

The first time Derek meets Stiles, the kid’s brown eyes are wide, and he’s staring up at him with a mischievous grin as he tugs at the arm of Derek’s first ever Batman figure like he’s trying to separate it from Batman’s body.

An alternate take on Teen Wolf, wherein Stiles and Derek are childhood friends, and things unfold from there.

Kingdom By The Sea

kilaem

Summary:

Lydia grabs his arm and pulls him down in the seat next to her. “When the hell did you find time to bag a guy like Hale?”

“We’re friends,” Stiles feels his face heat up, and then the team are running out and Derek sees him and smiles. His blush gets worse.

“Oh really?”

“Our moms were friends, okay? We’ve been in diapers together.”

“I thought you two hated each other.”

Those That Bump In The Night

bleep0bleep

Summary:

A boy’s head appears upside down, hanging off the bed. “Is anyone there?” he calls out curiously, looking right at Derek’s eyes. Caught, then. The protocol for being deliberately seen by a child is just to look as strange and fearsome as possible. No one would believe them, anyways. But Derek is tired, and he’s been running and scared, and now he just kind of flickers, curling out a tendril of dark smoke, hoping that he’s a little bit scary. No such luck. The boy’s eyes widen. “Oooh, are you the bogeyman?” “Bogeyperson,” Derek says, before he can help himself.

~

When Stiles was a boy, he had an imaginary friend named Derek. Ten years later, Derek comes back, and is very, very real.

Five Times Derek and Stiles Kissed For Practice (And One Time They Didn't)

mikkimouse

Summary:

In which Derek and Stiles grow up together and practice kissing, roughly in that order.

216 + 1: Words To Say Instead of I Love You

briggs

Summary:

Derek and Stiles have been best friends for fourteen years. They have their differences, sure, but it's never been a question for them. Their friendship has been the most solid thing in their lives -- until suddenly it isn't anymore.

Funny how just a few choice words can throw fourteen years of friendship off-balance.

OR

a collection of "Bro, That's Gay" one-shots that actually ended up turning into a concrete storyline.

hope is the thing with feathers (part of a series)

ShanaStoryteller

Summary:

Stiles is ten when he saves the Hales from their burning home and Derek from a wolfsbane bullet, and this establishes a pattern that seem to continue indefinitely.

"Then he's facing a burning home, and he wraps the hood of his sweatshirt around his mouth before he pushes the door open and steps inside. There's Mr. Hale asleep - he hopes asleep - on the couch, next to - Stiles thinks that's his brother but there are so many Hales, who can keep track. He rushes over and starts shaking him, can see the rise and fall of the man's chest so he knows he's alive, but he's not waking up. He shoves away his hood so he can shout, "Mr. Hale! You have to get up, there's a fire! Mr. Hale, get up!" Nothing, he's not even twitching, both of them taking in deep even breaths like they're having the most peaceful of rests, and Stiles is going to cry. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" There's a moment, where all Stiles can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and not the roar of the flames or the creak of wood, then with a violent, silent pop it's all back and both of the men are gasping awake, eyes open and jumping to their feet. "

(one of my favourite fics like EVER)

it came from the trees

whatshouldntbe

Summary:

“Don’t worry, Scott caught me up on everything,” Kira assures with a bubbly smile via video-chat. “You and Derek, huh? I probably should have seen that coming. I always thought it might be Cora, but Derek was the one that looked at you how I used to look at you.”

Stiles goes a little pink. “It’s still kinda new but, yeah. I really like him. He’s...” Beautiful. Patient. Smart. Painfully honest. Sweet.“...a total dork.”

Kira laughs and laughs. When she gets herself together, she replies, “Yeah, those little hearts and stars in your eyes definitely say different."

or

Stiles moves from the shiny, fast-paced lifestyle of Los Angeles to the foggy, sleepy town of Beacon Hills so his dad can become the new sheriff. Newly fifteen, he does his best to finish out his freshman year of high school (by staying under the radar) when he suddenly becomes the Beyoncé of the Supernatural community. And, without much prompting on his part, he ends up catching the eye of one of the most prominent Werewolf families in all of North America. It literally all starts with a stuffed animal(s).

(oh god this fic is the literal best even though its abandoned it ends at okay-ish place. this is one of the best hale family characterisations ive ever read. if you squint it can be a childhood friends to lovers fic but im including it anyway bc its amazing)

Promises aren't Meant to be Broken

paradis

Summary:

“Thanks for saving me,” Stiles blurts out, staring up at Laura, wide eyed.

Laura grins. “I like you,” she says, “we’ll be friends.”

(more laura and stiles besties centric but totally worth a read)

The Things We See

MelodramaticSalad

Summary:

Stiles grew up in the life of knowing that there was always more to life than what others saw with a first glance. Even as a child he saw things that no one else seemed to and always had a fascination with the unusual.

Some considered him an unusual child, but Claudia welcomed every single quirk her son displayed. His mother had a few special talents of her own and thrilled her to see it in her son as well. She'd raised Stiles to always keep his mind open and as grew and started to display his powers, she began to teach him how to use them. She even taught Stiles about werewolves at a young age, his infatuation with them growing once he had learned the truth about her closest friend.

Stiles spent nearly every possible moment that he could roaming the Hale house, following after the middle child most of the time. Derek was three years older than Stiles, but the bond they developed with each other was something their mothers considered out of a story book. Like Derek, Stiles was sensitive to his emotions, but unlike Derek, Stiles didn't need a scent to figure it out. He could feel it.

take me back

matildajones

Summary:

“I dare you to kiss me,” Stiles taunts, and he’s not expecting the way Derek says a naughty word under his breath and then leans forward.

Stiles yelps. He just dodges Derek’s mouth before he’s laughing wildly and running through the trees, calling out a series of ew ew ew as Derek chases him back home.

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zukka Soulmate AU part 4

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

@ari-shipping-stuff

@knightedbot

@idkhowbutimgayer

@swampy-beans

"Something blue huh?" Jee asked from behind Zuko once they separated from his uncle

"Yeah" was all Zuko gave as an answer

"I know why, I've seen the boy y'know." After Zuko shot him a glare he put his hands up "I won't ask anything much but... you do know he knows right?"

What? Zuko paused for a moment "Im sure he doesn't, and even if he does why would he care?" Jee tapped his own left cheek "again, why would he care? If he hasn't said anything he clearly has no reason to actually care about that let alone me"

Jee tapped Zuko's hand when he spotted a little market with a good amount of blue items. "Not sure, but given that you're always attacking his friend perhaps he wouldn't want you to know or maybe its because you're firenation? The kid looks like he lost alot to the war"

Walking to the market Zuko was quiet, thinking over what Jee said. He really was always attacking Aang wasn't he? Of course he was, that has always been what he needed to do, that's what he set out to do over two and a half years ago.

Zuko looked over the many blue items before landing on a small hair ribbon long enough to also be worn as a necklace or a bracelet if one would want to. The ribbon was a deep blue with a smooth amber stone in the center surrounded by small pearls. Jee leaned over "that would look nice, perhaps he'd notice it too? Maybe even realize you're not as against the idea as you seem to be?"

Zuko turned to Jee with a flushed face "shut up" but he did buy it, spent a good four gold pieces on it and let Jee tie his hair up for him before heading out to find where Iroh went.

Once they met up with Iroh Jee headed back to the ship and Iroh took notice of the hair piece, praising Zuko for his good eye spotting such a lovely blue. After said praise the duo went looking for a string instrument for music night on the ship, finding themselves on a pirate ship with several clearly stolen items.

"Im glad you're starting to admit he's yours nephew"

"Im not admitting anything" Zuko pouted to which Iroh geave a chuckle

"Of course not"

A scrawny looking pirate wearing green walked pst them with an irritated expression "we lost the water tribe girl boss, and the bald monk she was traveling with"

The avatar. Zuko turned to them and gave a smirl "this bald monk... did he have an arrow on his head?"

"Why yes... he did... why?"

"Ive been searching for him and the two watertribe kids with him for a while now." He looked between the captain and the scrawny man. "What did they take?"

"A waterbending scroll" the captain spoke with a grumble.

"I can help you find them"

And that he did, finding Katara along the water practicing her bending when she fled the pirate and ran into him he tied her necklace around her throat whispering "I'm sorry" before his dramatic line of "I'll save you from the pirates"

Of course he had her tied up, she was a waterbender, and a strong self taught one at that, sure she was struggling with a move but given the water around them he wasn't taking any chances. She was giving him a sympathetic look without any answers to his questions.

"Where is he?" He growled at her "where is the avatar?"

"Did he burn you?" She asked in a voice only loud enough for him to hear

"What?" He took a step back

"Was it firelord Ozai? Was he the one that hurt you and my brother?" She spoke a little louder "I know you've noticed, I know he has, but gods he's so stubborn and... and so are you! Just give up on the whole chasing Aang gig and just..." she trailed off

"Just what? Join you? Betray my nation even more than I-"

"A nation thats willing to burn and banish their prince deserves to be betrayed!" She shouted at him just before the pirates managed to bring Aang and Sokka.

"Katara!" Aang shouted

"Zuko?" Sokka whispered

"Good job" Zuko turned to the pirates to negotiate but had a moment of thought when he saw them hesitate to hand Aang over. He leaned to Katara "think you can outrun them?"

"What?"

"How far is your bison?"

"Uh, not sure, but Aang has a whistle?"

He nodded before stepping to the side and slipping the scroll into her hands and cutting the rope "hold onto the rope for a second" he whispered before stepping towards them "hand over the boy" he shouted at the pirates

"The scroll first!"

Come on Sokka, you're always quick with words "you're really handing over the avatar for a stupid piece of parchment?" That's the ticket.

And the argument ensued before Zuko shot two overly controlled flames at Sokka and Aang to cut their ties loose and jumped into the smoke formed by the pirates. "Go!" He shouted to Katara who hesitated

"What about y-"

"Im just doing you a favor, get lost!"

And so she did. The trio managed to escape and Zuko left the pirates not only empty handed but bruised and lost in the woods with no boat.

Back on his ship Zuko laid on the deck while Jee, Iroh and the rest of the crew played music in a circle around him. He wasn't sure why he let them but he wasn't about to tell them to stop in the middle of their song.

[a-blue-secret]

CHAPTER IV

BACK TO MASTERLIST

Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V

GENRES: royal au; fantasy au; magic au; friends-to-enemies-to-lovers; king!beomgyu, vizier!taehyun

PAIRING: taegyu

WARNINGS: none

WORD COUNT: 3.2k+

AN: I did a little fencing when I was younger, so this is based on my very limited experience. I had fun writing this part- there's not as much angst!

SUMMARY: Best friends turned enemies, Kang Taehyun has managed to trick Choi Beomgyu into his service, and to rule for a year and a day, until his youngest brother would be old enough to take the throne. Choi Beomgyu has no intention of being obedient however, and tries to thwart Taehyun’s orders at every turn. With a growing amount of distrust and lies within the court, will Taehyun manage to keep the kingdom of Gojongja from falling apart?

So how good are you at fencing, Yeonjun?” Beomgyu asked, picking up his foil. He’d already finished getting dressed, and was waiting for Yeonjun to be ready too.

“Me? Oh, I am by no means a master,” Yeonjun said as a servant tightened his gloves. “But I am rather good, if I do say so myself. How about you, Your Greatness?”

“Well, I am a master myself. Be prepared to lose in the sorest ways possible,” Beomgyu grinned. Yeonjun smiled back, picking up his own mask and foil. “Ready?”

Yeonjun nodded, and stepped aside. “After you, Your Greatness.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　

“En guarde.”

They raised their foils towards each other.

“Pret.”

Beomgyu was rather surprised to see Yeonjun’s stance looking so firm. No one he’d sparred with had looked that comfortable in a fencing stance before.

“Aller.”

Beomgyu advanced almost immediately, thrusting his foil out towards Yeonjun’s side. The elder back-stepped quickly, staying just out of reach. They exchanged hits, moving backwards and forwards as they alternatively defended and attacked. Finally, Beomgyu managed to strike Yeonjun on his back, using the flexibility of the foil to curve it round to touch Yeonjun. They parted, panting.

"Break?" Beomgyu offered. Yeonjun nodded, already taking off his face guard.

As a servant handed them a towel each, they walked over to a table with drinks on them.

"Wow, you're pretty good," Yeonjun marveled, gulping down the water. "No one I've met has ever been able to perform that so well before."

"Thanks," Beomgyu said, patting the towel along his hairline. "It takes ages to master as well. I'm not surprised there are few people you know who can execute it."

"How did you learn it?"

"My father," Beomgyu explained. "He was a general slash Lord. He taught me how to fence, how to do bareback horse riding, how to sword fight, and so much other stuff."

Yeonjun nodded. "Wow. Your father sounds so cool."

Beomgyu smiled. "He was. Anyway, how did you learn fencing?"

"In court. I was born a noble, so it's kind of a given that I had to know how to do it, so I was taught by fencing masters."

"Cool. Here in Gojongja, I believe we have a swordsmanship school where the kids can learn sword fighting and fencing. It's kind of like a summer camp thing I think? I heard we had it anyway."

"I heard that you do."

Beomgyu set down his glass, and placed his mask on top of his head. "Ready to go again?"

Yeonjun grinned. "Get ready to be beaten by me."

Beomgyu laughed, taking his foil from a servant as they walked back. "Oh, you wish."

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　

"It almost looked like you were using a whip! How did you do that?"

Beomgyu and Yeonjun finished fencing (with Yeonjun not even managing to touch Beomgyu once), and Beomgyu suggested they go do archery. They were currently walking through the castle to find the door which led to the outdoor fields.

Beomgyu laughed. "You're not going to let go of that, are you?"

"No, I'm not! I've never seen someone do that before!"

Beomgyu let out a chuckle, tapping the side of his nose. "It's a secret."

"...It was luck, wasn't it?"

"What are you talking about?? It was a tactic which I 100% meant to use, and how dare you think otherwise!"

"Yeah it was. Don't deny."

".... Okay fine, maybe it was, but it was still cool, right?"

Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu, and they both burst out laughing. Their light-hearted banter reminded Beomgyu of how it used to be between him and Taehyun. With Taehyun always saying a sarcastic comment, or seeing through Beomgyu's bravado, and then all it took was one shared glance and they'd start laughing. The thought made Beomgyu a little sad, and then angry. He pushed thoughts of Taehyun aside. He shouldn't be thinking about the younger. Right now, it was about bonding with Yeonjun, and becoming friends.

"So," Beomgyu said. "You have any experience in archery?"

"Oh, loads," Yeonjun said. "I'm a bit of a Robin Hood myself."

"Ah," Beomgyu sighed regretfully. "I'm not the best archer in the field, so it seems like in this sport you'll have the upper hand."

"Hey, don't doubt yourself," Yeonjun said. "You never know! You might beat me again."

"No, but archery seriously isn't my strong suit," Beomgyu said. "I remember in one of my archery classes, we were meant to hit the board which was like three metres away, and I managed to get the arrow caught in the tree. Behind us."

Yeonjun laughed. "But this was when you were little, right? Surely much has changed since then."

"It was five years ago."

"See? Five years! Not that bad, eh?"

"I was twenty."

"Ah." It was obvious Yeonjun was at a bit of a loss as to what to say to that. Beomgyu laughed, nudging Yeonjun.

"I'm joking! I was five. This wasn't five years ago, don't worry. I've improved since then, I'm sure. I think. I hope."

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　

Beomgyu stared at Yeonjun's target. The elder had managed to get two in the bullseye, and three in the red ring. He was watching intently as Yeonjun shot his last arrow.

Thwip!

It landed right in the center of the yellow bullseye, and Beomgyu clapped.

“Whoo! Well done!”

Yeonjun grinned, and playfully bowed. “Well, I did say I was a master at archery.” He sighed a little regretfully, walking up to the target to tug at the arrows. “It’s annoying I didn’t get these three in the bullseye too.”

“You're good, though. Like, really good."

"Thanks. How did you- oh," Yeonjun laughed, seeing Beomgyu's target. Beomgyu had managed to hit everywhere apart from the centre. "Hey, at least you hit one into the red ring, right?"

"That one I shot with my eyes closed."

"Even better!"

Beomgyu laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "I was aiming for the target's leg."

"You what?!"

“Yeah. That was my last arrow, and I thought, ah, whatever, let’s just aim for the leg stand, and then it just flew straight to the red ring.”

Yeonjun shook his head in wonder. “Wow. I guess archery really isn’t your area of expertise, huh?”

“Standing archery isn’t, but I can do it pretty well on horseback," Beomgyu said conversationally, going to take his arrows out of his own target.

“Woah,” Yeonjun said. “I can sort of do it, but isn’t it harder when you’re moving?”

“I dunno,” Beomgyu shrugged. “I find it easier because the momentum adds to the power of the arrow, and I was pretty much brought up on horseback.” He mimed going up and down as if on a horse, and brought an imaginary bow up to eye level and mimed shooting into the air. “Yeah, I find it easier on horseback.”

“That’s so weird! Most people are the other way round, because you have to take your hands off the horse, and your legs are like the only thing securing you. You must have really strong thighs then.”

“Yeah,” Beomgyu laughed. “I do. But my butt’s been hurting like hell recently every time I’ve gotten on a horse, so I’ve been taking a break from horse riding.”

“Well, you still up for a little horse riding session?”

“Hell yeah! I miss Toto.”

“Toto?”

“He’s my horse! Well, I say mine, but really he’s one with nature.” Beomgyu began talking animatedly to Yeonjun about Toto as they walked to the stables. “Oh, and just a fair word of warning: some of our horses are very, um, unique.”

“Unique, huh?” Yeonjun laughed. “We have unique horses back home. One of them has three legs.”

“Three legs? They’re not a race horse, are they?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I said yes, would you?”

“No way! You make the three-legged horse run a race?”

“No, but Nellie is really, really good. Seriously! She’s won three times out of the five races she’s competed in.”

“Three-legged horse wins the race, hmm?” Beomgyu mused. "Well, our horses are even more unique than that."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. You'll see."

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　

“I… When you said they were unique, I didn’t think you meant like this.” Yeonjun was staring at a horse in a dumbfounded state. The horse nickered, tossing its orange mane. Yeonjun started a little, stepping away. His wide eyes were fixed on her orange, beak-like muzzle. “How do you even breed these types of horses?”

“Easy. They breed among themselves. No, we don’t cross-breed the different animals,” Beomgyu laughed at Yeonjun’s shocked stare. “Starburst, for example, the horse you’re looking at. She’s just like that. We think a curse, but we’re not sure. Orion over there, though, is a type of elemental horse we found in the woods. He's among the last of his kind, and we're breeding them until they flourish again.” Beomgyu patted Orion's watery muzzle. "We're going to protect you, aren't we? As for Starburst, we're trying to make sure she stays okay while under a curse."

“How old is she?” Yeonjun asked, still standing a good deal away from Starburst.

“I don’t know. I think Taehyun said she’s been around even before he was born.”

“Woah.” Yeonjun raised his eyebrows. “He’s around the same age as you, isn’t he? And Starburst looks so young.”

“Yeah, Kang’s a year younger than me. I dunno, she might be immortal.”

“Can I…?” Yeonjun gestured to the horse.

“Oh yeah, yeah,” Beomgyu said. “Despite her appearance, she doesn’t bite. Well, she doesn’t bite much. Stroke her nose. She likes that.”

“How do you know so much about them?” Yeonjun asked, gingerly reaching out to Starburst. “About court and stuff.”

“Kang and I used to be best friends. He told me so much about everything. Also, I’ve been doing my own asking around. I like horses.” Beomgyu walked up to a greenish horse with a feather-like mane standing in the corner. “Hello, hello. Yes, I’m back now. Did you miss me?” The horse whinnied, tossing its mane before nuzzling its nose into Beomgyu’s shoulder. The boy laughed, stroking the horse. “Alright, alright, I get it. I missed you too, Toto. Are you ready for a ride?” He turned to Yeonjun. “You picked a horse yet?” he asked.

Yeonjun was still staring in surprise at the unusual horses. “I knew you had pegasi,” he said. “Those take part in your wars and parades. I knew about the unicorns, ‘cause we have them too. But everything else?” He turned around, face a mixture of shock and awe. “I didn’t even know half of them existed.”

“Benefits of our long history of preserving wildlife and our abundance of wild forests, I guess,” Beomgyu said, taking out a brush. “Anyway, do you want me to choose you a horse? Tell me what you want and I’ll pick for you.”

“No, no it’s okay,” Yeonjun said slowly. “I’ll go with Starburst.”

Beomgyu nodded. “Good choice. Seems like she likes you as well. Oh! Yeonjun, meet Toto. They said he’s a breed of Amazona Equus. Apparently he’s a parrot-horse? I’ve never seen him sprout wings though, so yeah.”

“Well, uh, nice to meet you, Toto. My name is Lord Yeonjun.” Yeonjun bowed to the horse. Toto regarded Yeonjun for a few moments, before inclining his head in a bow of his own. Yeonjun smiled at Beomgyu in disbelief. “Did he just bow back at me?”

“Yep,” Beomgyu smiled. “It means he trusts you.” Yeonjun gave a smile.

"Okay, so let's go brush and tack the horses. Meet back in front of the stables?" Yeonjun asked. Beomgyu nodded.

"See you then!"

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　

"Whoo!" Beomgyu yelled. "Race you to the oak tree!"

"Hey!" Yeonjun called. "That's not fair! You're in front of me!"

"Come and catch up then, slowpoke!" Beomgyu laughed over his shoulder, galloping full speed towards the tree. He yelled out again, the yell turning into an overjoyed laugh at the end. His face was split into a wide grin. God, he'd missed this. The stinging wind whipping against his cheeks, the feeling of the powerful horse beneath his legs, the exhilaration he felt from riding. He'd missed it.

He glanced over his shoulder back at Yeonjun, who was riding behind on Starburst. He grinned. Leaning forward, he patted Toto’s neck.

“You ready? Wanna do the trick?”

Toto flicked his ears, letting out a neigh as they continued to canter towards the tree. Beomgyu laughed. “Okay bud. Get ready, ‘kay? I’m trusting you!”

Gingerly, Beomgyu released Toto’s reins. Toto seemed undeterred, continuing to go forward at a steady pace. Now was the hard part. Gritting his teeth, Beomgyu brought his knees up, closer to the saddle, before slowly easing them up further until he was crouching on Toto’s back. He looked back at Yeonjun.

“Wanna see something cool?” he yelled. Then, he stood up on Toto’s back fully, raising his arms up and letting out a loud whoop. Yeonjun cried out, either in terror or amazement, Beomgyu wasn’t sure. He couldn’t hear much over the whistling of the wind and the happiness in his heart.

“Whoo!” He tilted his head back, closing his eyes. But he immediately shot them open again, seeing that they were close to the tree. He jumped back down into the saddle again, laughing. “Was that fun? God, I haven’t done that in ages.” Toto flicked his ears again, and Beomgyu grinned, riding faster.

When they we're a short distance away from the tree, Beomgyu pulled at the reins, slowing Toto down to a walk. Yeonjun came thundering up beside him a few moments later, grinning and panting hard.

“Oh my god! You actually did that?”

Beomgyu laughed. “Oh, it’s nothing special.”

“Special? You stood on a horse’s back! And at that speed too!”

Beomgyu shrugged. “I find it easier at higher speeds.”

"Wow!" Yeonjun laughed. "I don't think I've ever galloped that hard before."

"Better get used to it," Beomgyu grinned. "Here in Gojongja, we ride hard and fast."

"Evidently," Yeonjun said, still out of breath. "Why don't we, uh, go for a little walk?"

"Okay," Beomgyu laughed. "Follow me. There's a cool lake around here somewhere I think."

Beomgyu and Yeonjun rode side by side, in amiable silence.

"So, tell me Yeonjun," Beomgyu said. "What was your life like in Aruyeonan court?"

"My life? My life was, well, almost ordinary for an Aruyeo noble. I live in a big house, have a large inheritance, have matters within court. I suppose what makes me different, however, is the fact that I always have matters within court. Her Supreme Highness is fond of a few select nobles, and those are the ones which she sees all the time."

"I assume you're one of them?"

"Yes. While you here in Gojongja have meetings with lots of Lords and generals, we narrow it down to five people plus the Queen."

"Ah yes, your Queen does not have a vizier, does she?"

"Queen Erajin does not, no."

"Hmm. Ah, we're near. See that shiny, round thing in the distance? That's the lake. We nicknamed it 'the Shield', because in just the right angle it looks like it's a huge, silver shield."

"Who's 'we'?"

"Oh, Kang and I. We used to come here," Beomgyu muttered. "But anyway! Here we are. You up for another race there?"

"You bet," Yeonjun grinned, already galloping off.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　

They reached the lake and dismounted, letting the horses drink and rest for a little. The two of them wandered a little aimlessly around the lake.

You know," Beomgyu said, "I have experience within the Aruyeo court as well. You probably don't remember, but about two or three years ago I came to stay in your court."

"Oh really?" Yeonjun raised his eyebrows. "Hm, no, I don't think I remember."

"You guys were really welcoming," Beomgyu remembered. "Especially this one Lord. I can't remember his name exactly -I think it was foreign?- but he was adopted by the Jinju Choi clan. Kai? I think that's his name? Wait- Yukai? No, no, I remember. Hueningkai. He was really kind."

Yeonjun tripped over a pebble. "Sorry, didn't see the rock. Hueningkai, huh? Hmm… I know a lot of the nobles in my court, but I can't remember seeing a Hueningkai…"

"I dunno. He was really nice. I remember him because he was adopted by this clan, so he wasn't even native to Aruyeo court. And yet, he was welcomed so readily. You could see it, because everyone greeted him so normally. It was obvious he wasn't a pure Jinju Choi, and yet they didn't treat him any differently. It was nice."

Yeonjun nodded slowly. "We in Aruyeo pride ourselves on making no one feel excluded. It's one of the things we are adamant about."

"You guys sure do a good job of it then." Beomgyu laughed slightly. "I must confess, there were times I felt more at home within Aruyeo than I'd ever felt inside Gojongja." Yeonjun gave a small, proud smile.

They stood there, silently. Beomgyu was staring down into the lake, but Yeonjun was looking out back into the direction of the palace. He squinted.

"Hang on… is that Kang Taehyun?"

"Hm?" Beomgyu turned around, following Yeonjun's line of sight. "Oh. Yeah it is."

"And is he riding that horse… bareback?"

"Yeah." Beomgyu turned away, walking up to Toto before mounting the horse. "He's coming to lecture us about staying out. Must be almost supper."

"That's so cool though. He's riding bareback!"

"Eh, he's gonna lose his cool in a minute if we don't get going."

They both began making their way back to the palace, and Taehyun, seeing that they were coming towards him, halted his horse to wait for them.

"Do you know how long you were gone for?" Taehyun glared when Beomgyu was within hearing distance.

"No, and I don't care," Beomgyu retorted. "And did you seriously have to come riding bareback?"

"What, you have a problem with it?" Taehyun scoffed, turning the horse around back to the direction of the palace, Beomgyu a couple of places behind. "You shouldn't have a problem with it. It's better for the horses to have no saddle on them anyway."

"Uh huh."

"You're just mad that I'm right," Taehyun said. "Anyway, would Lord Yeonjun care to join us for dinner? It seems a little mean to get him to eat on his own."

"Since when did you care about seeming mean?" Beomgyu scoffed. Taehyun glared at him.

"Shut up. That's rude."

"Hey, don't tell the King to shut up. That's rude."

"Anyway," Taehyun said. "Would you like to eat with us? You spent the whole day with His Greatness, so perhaps it's only fit you eat with us as well."

Yeonjun inclined his head. "I'd be much obliged." He gave a slight grin. "I've been having meals in my room these last few days, so a change of scenery will be nice."

"Well let's hope there is any food suitable enough to eat," Taehyun said, glaring at Beomgyu. "It's an hour past supper time. An hour!"

"Stop nagging, geez! You sound like a mum. Ow! What the heck?”

Taehyun hit Beomgyu around the back of his head, causing the elder to glare at him.

“I’m the King! You can’t just go round hitting me on the head! What were you doing??”

“Simply trying to knock some sense into you,” Taehyun said calmly. “But then I realised you didn’t have any in the first place.”

Beomgyu rolled his eyes, before slowing down his horse so that he was in step with Yeonjun. “See? Kang has literally no respect for me whatsoever.”

“I can hear you,” Taehyun called. “And hurry up, or you’re not getting any food at all.”

[yoongi-sugaglider]

Daegu Quarantine

Jungkook x reader

Gang/ zombie apocalypse au

Warnings:

Gore, violence, zombies, mention of drugs and drug dealing, weapons discharge in self defense, main character death, zombies, course language, zombies, drinking, did I mention zombies?

Summary:

They were the top of their game, known throughout the city as the smartest and most dangerous crew to ever hit the Daegu streets. But what’s going to happen when this group of young men encounter something right out of a horror film?

Word count: 2394

Part 10===Part 11===Part 12

“Alright Tae Bae, let’s see what’s going on with your system.”

In the time it had taken us to clean up after dinner, Taehyung had already set up everything he needed in order to communicate through remote video feed with his mentor.

I’d decided to join Taehyung and Jeanette in the security area of our basement living room, sliding in beside Jeanette on the overly large sofa and snuggling up beneath her blanket with a smile sent her way before focusing in on the conversation unfolding before us.

Tae was posted up on the floor, feet crossed in his lap and a large keyboard situated on top of his knees as his eyes roamed the information displayed on the massive tv hung on the wall. The screen itself flashed a myriad of information, lines of code and text along with a small set of squares at the bottom left corner that gave us a live view of the surrounding grounds and security checkpoints.

In the top left was a video feed of Black Rose, a sweet looking woman roughly my age whose smile lit up her whole face every time her eyes glanced back to what I assumed was Taehyung’s face displayed on her own screen. I couldn’t help but feel there was something more than the connection of mentor and apprentice between the two.

“I managed to trace the outside signal as far as the local area before I got cut off from it. Whatever it was that let them in was enough for them to feed my cameras a signal to loop come a certain time of day. That’s when the attack happened.” Taehyung frowned, glancing at the video image of the ashen haired woman and blushing brightly as he averted his gaze elsewhere.

“Sounds to me like they’ve been in your system before. Or are at least familiar with the type of code you were writing for it…”

I couldn’t help but glance over at Jeanette who seemed just as bewildered as I felt with all the technical jargon being thrown back and forth between them.

“Any idea what they’re saying?” I asked in an overly dramatic stage whisper.

Jeanette shook her head, blowing a bit of curly hair out of her eyes with a huff. “None in the slightest honestly. I’ve heard Jangmi talk like this before but it always goes way over my head.”

Tae snorted, his eyes darting to the two of us for a moment before focusing back in on his job. “Since I’ve got you here, could you run a backdoor screen for me? At least then I’ll know what I’m missing before we go whole hog on the fuckers.”

Black Rose shook her head, sighing lazily before typing quickly on her end. The sound of high speed clicking filled the speakers along with the sound of Taehyung’s own. The screen glowed a dark green color as line after line of letters and numbers and symbols flashed across it. Everything moved so fast that for a moment I grew dizzy just trying to keep up with it all.

Jungkook at that point wandered into the room, coming around the sofa to sit on its arm beside me and throw an extra long arm around my shoulders.

“Anything?” He asked, knowing that his words would interrupt Taehyung’s focus, he’d spoken in a low whisper just as Jeanette and I had.

“No clue to be honest, but damn if I wouldn’t be able to tell you anyway.” I glanced up at Kookie, blushing as he threw me a charming smile that, no matter how many times I’d seen it, still managed to make my insides flutter.

“Well let me see…” He looked over to the tv, eyes darting back and forth as he watched the words fly by.

“Every computer system, no matter how complicated, has a back door. They’re usually protected by something called a firewall, basically a shield the system has in place so your information can’t get stolen or your software can’t get hacked.” Jungkook’s fingers trailed along my shoulder, leaving trails of heat in their wake as he continued to watch the two computer geniuses work.

“What’s basically happening is Jangmi is attacking Tae’s firewall, trying to find any weaknesses in it to see how exactly the hackers got into our system.”

“HA!” A triumphant shout echoed through the speakers, jolting Taehyung out of his hyper focused stupor and causing him to stare at the screen in shock.

“Are you serious? That one line of god damn…”

“And here I thought I taught you well, little grasshopper. Such a shame that a tiny bit of code like that could cause such a massive amount of damage…” Black Rose hummed.

I couldn’t help but to watch in fascination as Taehyung basically melted down in front of us, rolling on the floor after discarding his keyboard and gripping his hair. He wailed like a little child, cursing and fussing and drawing full on belly laughs out of each of us as we watched him go on.

“One!! One goddamn misplaced comma...are you kidding me?” He groaned, reluctantly righting himself and pulling the keyboard into his lap once more.

“Well, fix it ya soggy noodle.” The woman paused, pulling a large cup into view and sipping from it before groaning in pleasure at the flavor of whatever her drink of choice was.

“I see you’re taking full advantage of the macchiato machine I got you.” Tae grunted, though his fierce typing belied the brief moment of a glance he’d made at her screen.

“Ya damn right I am.” Contrary to the accent she’d been speaking with, these words took on a distinctly New Yorker accent, one I’d only heard in movies and on youtube, but the change was so incredibly adorable I couldn’t help but giggle at her.

“I don’t uh...I don’t wanna interrupt but.” I glanced over to Tae who’s full attention was now on me.

“What is it Boss Lady?”

“Well, I’ve heard of like espresso machines but...a macchiato machine?”

Taehyung and Black Rose chuckled together, grinning a secret grin between the two of them.

“It’s not really like an espresso machine. Think of it like one of those industrial mixers you see in gas stations and stuff.” Tae typed into his keyboard, pulling up an image of the machine he mentioned. “It’s like a frozen yogurt machine but for macchiato mix.”

“It’s rather ingenious actually. All I had to do was get the right kind of mix and I’ve got all of my caffeine needs right here at my desk.”

“I prefer mine through a direct iv line.” A muttered voice spoke from behind the couch, drawing our attention to Yoongi who’d apparently been listening in on what we’d been talking over this whole time.

“Ah! A man after my own heart!” Black Rose grinned, giving Yoongi a thumbs up which he returned with a small smile in kind.

“Boss, we got an issue with Seokjin upstairs.” Yoongi frowned at Jungkook, though the look seemed to be more one of frustration than actual danger.

“What happened?” Jungkook stood, giving me a kiss to my forehead before heading back upstairs with Yoongi.

“Apparently his ‘second’ and I quote, ‘Is a no talent hack who couldn’t strip the paint off the broad side of a barn.”

“Overwatch?”

Yoongi sighed, “No, campaign mode on Halo…”

Taehyung snorted, returning his attention to the tv screen. “Alright. Let’s get that firewall fixed up and reverse track the signal.”

***

“Rose and Tae make a pretty incredible team huh?” Jeanette smiled softly as we watched the two work. We’d decided that speaking quieter gave us less of a chance of interrupting their focus as they worked.

“Yeah, But I kind of get the feeling there’s something between them. Don’t you?”

“Hmm…” 

I’d known Tae for only a short time, he’d come to us only a few years ago. And even though it’d been going on nearly 4 years I still couldn’t help but notice that the young man hardly ever really smiled unless Jimin was around.

Of course it could have been because they were so close in age, but it seemed like he preferred to stay by himself. With his line of expertise and the type of work he did I ended up, well not really avoiding him so much as just giving him space. But he seemed to really appreciate it. We became close in our distance. And that was okay.

“Are you seriously eating gummy bears while you’re at your computer?” Tae snorted, shaking his head as he watched his partner sheepishly grin.

“Hey, the last time we worked together like this you fussed at me because I was eating seaweed snacks over my keyboard. I’ll have no more of you fussing at me you hear!”

The two laughed, seeming to enjoy egging each other on as they worked. It felt comfortable, and was definitely a side of Taehyung I’d never seen before.

“Any luck?” Jeanette asked. She cuddled further into the blanket, seeming on edge as she watched the interaction happen.

“Does East Side ring a bell?” Black Rose’s eyes wandered her screen, eyebrows furrowed and a small frown tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Yeah...actually it does.” I grunted, pushing further  back into the comfort of the sofa.

“We were joined with them. A smaller branch of our main group that was in charge of keeping the East side of the city safe.Tension’s been high with them, even before all this mess came along.”

“I see. Well it seems like it was more than just tension.” Rose leaned back in her chair, iced coffee in hand as she pulled up an aerial view of the city for us all to see.

“This is satellite feed from a remote military camera that was monitoring the area a day ago. From the looks of things and going solely on the data I traced from Tae’s security hack, seems like these bastards have been plotting something for a while now.”

We watched intently as the feed zoomed in on the warehouse Kook, Yoongi, and I had run a rescue mission on not too long ago.

A group of people approached the front side of the building, busying themselves with something we couldn’t see while keeping a lookout for chatterers that happened to come their way. Rose accelerated the footage and we watched as, after moments more of fussing with whatever they were up to they retreated from the door.

“What the actual hell?” Tae whispered before yelping as a bright orange ball of what we could only assume was flames erupted at the door.

“So that’s how those things got in…” My body had tensed up at this point, anger pouring from me in waves as I leaned forward to glare at the tiny bodies pouring into the warehouse.

Rose cut the footage, a frown creeping onto her face as she glossed over what we now couldn’t see. “Looks like they made off with a bunch of stuff, some boxes and shit but dipped out before they could get overwhelmed. There’s no way anybody in there survived the wave of creepos that poured into the building after the fire settled.”

“Two of them survived...but not for very long.” I spat the words out bitterly, rising from the sofa and letting the blanket fall from my form as I began pacing behind the sofa.

Namjoon walked in, eyes following my every move as he walked around the sofa to sit in my place beside Jeanette, though he sat back at a respectable distance.

“I take it there’s bad news?”

Jungkook’s second in command was nothing if not astute and true to form; he'd gauged the atmosphere with no trouble.

“No oppa...shit news actually.”

I glanced over at him, eyes burning a hole into the back of his head despite the blush of red creeping up the back of his neck at the term of endearment.

“Well?” He turned to Tae, an eyebrow raised in question. But before the younger man could speak the sound of an explosion roared through the speakers, one so loud I could have sworn the ceiling above us rumbled along with the noise.

“What in the actual fuck?” I bolted over to the sofa, eyes wide as I scanned Rose’s video feed.

It seemed she’d been knocked out of view of the camera, which itself had been thrown from whatever stand she had set it up on and now lay on the ground. The only thing we could see was the trembling of the floor and a pale set of feet.

“Rose??? Rose can you hear me?” Jeanette had jumped from her seat, rushing over to the tv monitor and hastily scanning the live feed in the hopes of seeing her friend move.

“Shit...I’m okay...fuck...fucking god damn it what the hell?” A continued string of curses poured from the speakers as the feet finally began to move before disappearing from view.

Rose’s face finally came into focus as the camera lifted from the ground to focus on her dazed expression.”I don’t know what the hell that was but holy shit that fucking sucked donkey dick hole.”

“Bruh, the mouth on this woman I swear…” Namjoon shook his head, though the look of concern on his face never wavered.

“You good kid?” I asked, knowing the answer wouldn’t be pleasant.

“Yeah, though, the building I’m in probably isn’t.”

“Talk to me Jangmi, what happened?” Tae sat on his knees, seeming as if every inch of him was screaming to come to her defense.

“Well. From what my screens are telling me. Looks like those East Side assholes found me and are on their way up to my room.”

“Excuse me?” Jungkook had come down, surely drawn in by the commotion coming from the speakers that’d probably been heard all through the house. The others followed closely behind him, each wearing matching faces of either murder death stare or concern.

“I’m at the Daegu Grand Hotel. Have been for a while now. And like I said, from the looks of things the very people trying to get all of ya’lls shit are on their way up to greet me with a very impolite Korean gangster hello.”

[peckin-pat-marlow]

Tagged by @captain-teddy-reese

50 Questions: OC Interview

1. What’s your name?

“Howdy. I’m Patricia Marlow.”

2. Give us your full name

“...Ah fine! My middle name’s Winifred... Patricia...Winifred...Marlow.

3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it?

“I’ve been called shorter of my names: Pat, Patsy, Patty Cake (don’t bother askin’ why.) But folks way out south west know me as “Peckin’ Pat Marlow. I shot my town’s sheriff the day after...his obstruction of justice. Gave him that kiss he wanted afterwards. And it became a habit with anyone I killed as leader of the Marlow Marauders.”

4. What species are you? (Human, werewolf, etc? Or are you an alien?)

“Last I checked...I’m still human.”

5. Where were you born?

“I was born in a town the south west of texas. It was famous for its large lake and gold mine a few miles out. Just make sure you have ginseng and special vegetation for the snakes and lizards...I wouldn’t head there if I were you. Hasn’t rained for 13 years.”

6. I see. And that would make your age...?

“That would make me...36 years old.”

7. Okay, now...are you a good guy, or a bad guy?

“What I’ve done doesn’t make me a saint, but it don’t mean I have bad morals.”

Part II: Tell Us More About Yourself...

8. How would you describe your personality?

“Back before I was soft, sweet and kind..had to be for the kids, but I still held myself firm for the adults as well. When the town reared it’s ugly head...I became a different person; ruthless, vengeful, hard hearted, didn’t take shit from no person when it came to me and my gang. It take no responsibility for indirect harm because they didn’t handle circumstances better! I was willing to do whatever it takes to get vengeance not with death, but with nothin’ for ‘em left! But I couldn’t my gang be taken with me in my final moments.

But after that last score, when I suddenly found myself alive and rescued. I began to mellow out...I still had my temper and was satisfied with what I’ve accomplished, but I became more aware of how the world was changing. So I just wander the lands to keep an eye on this changing world and hope it’s for the better.”

9. Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure?

“I’ve had moments where I was frustrated...but I’ve managed to maintain my composure around misbehaving kids and disrespectful adults.”

10. Do you like to read?

“Well, yeah. What kind of teacher doesn’t like to read?”

11. Favourite Colour

“I’ve grown fond of the colour black.”

12. Do you get along with others?

“Just because I get along with people doesn’t mean I like them. I do so to get the job done, and if they don’t cross me I choose them to stick close and see how things turn out.”

13. Do you have any enemies?

“Many could call me their enemy, but the one I call my nemesis won’t bother me anymore...”

14. How about friends?

“I became friends with my gang through the trust and teamwork we had for over 13 years. I’m sure they’re all fine and free. I have met other folks but I can’t call them friends just yet.”

15. Are you patient?

“I can be...When your a teacher you have to be patient to know more about situations.”

Part lll: Hypothetically...

16. Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why?

“I’ll say a cougar. They’re just as vicious, independent, dexterous, with some self indulgence. They can still purr, y’know?”

17. One of your enemies in question 13 just complimented you. Response?

“Which one? If it’s Gill then he’s complimenting me with sarcasm and rage since he’s still not found the loot. His generation’s gonna be diggin’ for years and won’t be the ones to find it.”

18. One of your friends in Question 14 just insulted you. Response?

“I prefer their insults as criticism. But at least their words won’t mean they betray me straight away.”

19. If you could change anything about yourself...

“I can’t see me changin’ anytime soon...but I guess I gotta find somethin’ else to do without second guessin’.”

20. About your home...

“It ain’t like a manor, but It had enough space for my parents and my things...But it was so damn expensive thanks to Gill’s daddy...it got burnt down by an angry mob, along with my school, Miles’s stand and his donkey, Sally-Ann...

Part IV: Now We Get Personal

21. What're your parents like?

“They were geniuses compared to the other folk in town. Both of em met in the city where they got their degree. I don’t think their families approved though, as I haven’t heard a thing about my grandparents. But they were good people using their money to buy two properties, for my home and school.

But I can’t give em that. Their last wish was to make sure I improved the head on my soldiers before they slowly died together from Diphtheria...I didn’t know they passed until Miles came to check on me.”

22. Do you have any siblings?

“None. I was an only child, thank goodness. If I had a younger baby sister, Gill would target her more than me...”

23. What's your occupation?

“I used to be a teacher in my hometown. Since I was the only women with the knowledge thanks to my parents education, I took up the role. Taught both kids and adults to read and write.”

24. I see, that's a good job to have. Do you like it?

“I enjoyed my job when it came to the kids. Nothin made me feel better than givin’ them somewhere to be while adults did their own thing, though I wished I could have give them more subjects, but reading and writing was more tolerable to teach than the other things that adults couldn’t make sense of. As for the adults...I won’t lie there are some worse than the children. Way worse.”

25. Are you seeing/dating anyone?

“No...”

26. Married/Engaged/Other?

“I wished for that with someone once.”

27. If yes, how did you meet?

“...I met Miles Wiley when I first came to town after my parents moved. He was a vegetable farmer with a donkey he claimed was over a century old from the vegetables he ate. Many folks who can’t afford the doctor’s fee often came to him for tonics, ointments, all sorts of ailments that were reliable, especially for the gold miners who came for the juice as repellent for the lizards. Before me he was the only stranger in that town...He made me welcome even after I took over the town’s teacher and helped repair my school, only askin’ for the spiced apricots I made.

But the town found out how close we really was from our first...and last kiss. He only wanted to fix me after being broken down for so long...We tried to escape by boat, but of course Gill had his ferry and me and Miles weren’t much of a shot...He wasn’t even armed but he shot him...he shot him even as I held him.

28. Tell us your biggest secret.

“Aside from people thinkin’ I’m dead? Everyone knew about me and Miles so I got no big secret to hide.”

29. Your worst fear? You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to.

“After what the Sheriff did, I fear being put into that situation again where I was taken advantage of right under others noses...Then there’s being in the middle of a ring of fire.”

30. Favorite food?

“I may had made spiced apricots once upon a time but it ain’t my favourite food. I don’t have it as much as I like to...but I do miss that Pecan pie.”

30. Favorite drink?

“Spiced Island Moonshine. I just discovered this recipe and it tastes like the goods of home and warm escape. I could kiss Marcel for makin’ this but... then I’d have have to kill him.”

31. Tell us one thing you're the most proud of.

“I would have said getting revenge on Gill for killing Miles was the best thing that happened...But I never imagined letting the group go free after our last score would take that. Some graduation, huh?”

32. Something embarrassing? You don't have to answer this one, either.

“Whatever is embarrassing is what happens when I’m drunk...”

33. If you didn't answer Questions 29 and/or 33, tell me why.

“I may have mellowed out from my recovery, but I have my damn pride still.”

34. Is that a good reason?

“Just take it as you will...”

Part V: Closing

35. Are you satisfied with your life?

“I felt like my life was nearly wasted than satisfied. I loved Miles but I wasted my life in that town. I remembered my gang more fondly than the town. But I’m still young to do somethin’.”

36. Anything you feel like you have to do? It can be something long-term, like a bucket list, or something you need to do right now.

“Well my vengeance has been achieved and leading a gang is something to tick off. I’m gonna start looking for things as Patricia Marlow and not Peckin’ Pat.”

37. Any hobbies?

“I have developed a thing for watching shows in the theatre, and I used to play the banjo to sing songs with kids. I’m sure I haven’t gone too rusty.”

38. Quick, you get one wish! What did you just wish for? It's alright, you can tell me...

“I wish Miles was alive....That’s the one thing I can’t have back.”

39. How would you describe that wish? Good? Bad? Selfish? Selfless? Other?

“I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of us...Folk wouldn’t have approved of us, but...we’d be more free if we got out together.”

40. Have you been honest with these questions?

“That I have...Now that you know me it’s all about what u gonna do?”

41. Your personal quote?

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

42. Do you like change?

“It’s what I fought for when things didn’t change enough...”

43. What's your most valued possession?

“Since they burned Miles’s body, I wasn’t left with much to remember him. It was a good thing I found his hat after I left town, but I haven’t taken it out of my satchel since.”

44. Anything else you feel like sharing?

“Not right now, I ain’t.”

50. Last question!...yup, that's it! How do you feel?

“Like a few pounds has been lifted off my shoulders. Or it might just be one of my firearms...Haha! Don’t worry, I just gotta reload.”

[space-------kid]

can’t keep my hands (off you).

Anime/Manga: One Punch Man Pairing: Garou/fem!Reader  Additional pairing/characters: platonic Metal Bat/fem!Reader, Zenko, mentions of other heroes such as Saitama, Watchdog Man, etc. Genre: Romance, comedy Warning: Absolute silliness. Language – Garou and reader both ate rainbows for breakfast. Dumbassery. Teeth-rotting fluff, maybe? Reader is hella strong like Saitama. Half-assed spice because you’re good at cockblocking Garou despite being low-key thirsty for him. And LOTS of dumbassery from the reader, most probably. Additional tag: Dream-based fic, canon-divergent, Garou is horny af A/N: This is supposed to be a lengthy one-shot, but I’m a dumbass who can’t keep my word so the supposedly one-shot isn’t a one shot anymore.  Now I have to worry how I should properly divide all those parts (I mean, they’re already divided, but--) 😅

Establishing yourself in their world.

Summary: 

Your life had its general ups and downs, pros and cons, the good and the bad.

You were admittedly a coward and afraid of being targeted by people for it. Following the advice of your (best) friend you trained hard, like, FUCKING hard, and now you’re blessedly, utterly strong you can take down enemies with just one hit. A good thing, really. Can’t let any bad guy harass you or something.

But-

You were probably cursed with the biggest, baddest of luck. Not only were monsters chasing you, suddenly there was this fucking hot bastard weirdo who kept on calling himself the Hero Hunter. “I’m not a hero, goddamn it!”

iii. and iv. | v. | [more to be added]

“i can’t keep my

 hands

 off...!”

 - can’t keep my hands off you/simple plan

i.

If anyone who knew you could pick a single word to describe you, it had to be coward.

But it wasn’t like you could blame them, the choice was easily justifiable with how you always seemed to cower whenever a threat - even the smallest - popped out to inconvenience you and disturb the hopefully peaceful life you wanted to live.

You though that having a hero as your best friend would be enough to keep you safe. But considering his busy schedule, you were left with no choice but to fend for yourself.

“You just gotta get strong, ya know!” Badd (aka the one and only Metal Bat) told you countless of times whenever you would run to him, either telling him that some creepy guy was harassing you or a monster was chasing you.

It might have been the ‘what the fuck are you on about?’ look you had given him that day that left you sporting red, aching cheeks for the remainder of the afternoon, Badd having pinched and squished them - so hard you actually cried - for having the gall to non-verbally question him.

Fearing for the safety of your cheeks (Badd might pull your ears next, something you couldn’t afford to experience), you followed his advice.

Day after day you would lift weights, do some core exercises. You even went as far as to following some guy in a blue tracksuit’s training regime (he saw you training, you asked him on a whim on how to be strong, he nonchalantly answered your question) which consisted of doing a hundred push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and a 10-kilometer run every day. It was gruelling enough, and most of the times you would only find yourself waking up to Zenko’s glare, the girl telling you how Badd found you unconscious somewhere around the city.

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” Badd asked you one day, brows pinched with concern when you woke up in his arms.

Huh. You must’ve passed out again while working out.

“You told me to get strong, stupiiiiiiid,” you whined pathetically, hitting him on the face and chest with a trembling hand.

The recently minted S-Class hero snorted at your weak and pathetic display of attempted violence. “Yeah, I did. But I didn’t tell ya to train ‘til you’re on death’s door.”

You threw your head backwards dramatically, exposing your neck and making Badd drop you when he got an eyeful of the tops of your sports bra.

“Ow! Bat, what the heck!?”

“I can see your- y-your- ew! I need to wash my fuckin’ eyeballs! And why are you even wearing those in the first place when you don’t have any boobs?”

“I will fucking murder you in your sleep, Badd!”

You ended up in his arms again, only because you fainted once more due to exhaustion.

But you continued with your training nonetheless, slowly building up both stamina and strength to the point where you could finally make it home and collapse on your own bed after a long day of hard work.

Your parents were worried at how far you were pushing yourself, but they never stopped you when – for the first time in your life – you insisted that you had to do this for your own betterment. Never had they seen you so determined, your eyes still filled with fear but were now mixed with the fires of fortitude, and the way you settled the discussion made them relent. But that didn’t mean that they would stop worrying for you, often pleading for Badd to look after you whenever he could. Your parents might always be busy and far from home most of the times due to their jobs, but you (Badd and Zenko included) were always in their heart and mind.

For a year and a half, your training had been one of your constants.

You bawled like a kid the first time you punched some weird mushroom monster into oblivion - its legs the only evident of its existence after that one hit - because finally, your hellish (to you, anyway) training finally paid off!

Badd had hugged you and cried a little, telling you how proud he was of your achievement and how you could finally be strong enough to look more effectively after yourself. Being an S-Class had demanded more time from him and you couldn’t exactly come running to him every time you find yourself in a pinch. Aside from being a hero, his greatest priority was his precious little sister, and you would never have the heart to take away Zenko’s onii-chan from her.

“So, [Name]. Wanna be a pro-hero?” Badd asked you one night when you were out eating ramen with him and Zenko. “You’re pretty strong now, and you can take on monsters on your own. Man, I haven’t even seen you pummel one, now that I mentioned it!” he added, looking at you excitedly.

Your ears turned red from embarrassment at being praised. “I’m really not... at least not on your level. The monsters I meet by accident were all weak, thank god for that,” you replied. You returned his gaze, eyes narrow, and clicked your chopsticks at him. “And nope, I don’t wanna. Why would I want to be a hero? Why would I actively seek out those that I try to avoid at all costs?”

Zenko, who was seated between you and Badd, shot you a questioning look.

“Why did you get strong, then, [Name]-san?” she asked.

You chewed on your bottom lip, gaze zeroing on the steaming bowl of ramen in front of you. You could feel the siblings’ eyes on you and you flushed a bright shade of red under their scrutiny.

“Well, I did because I’m scared of monsters,” you replied. “What if there’s no hero nearby to help me when a monster appeared? I don’t wanna get eaten, you know, or worse-” here, your voice turned hysterical and caught a few fellow customers’ attention “-get killed and have some creepy, gross monster do lewd things to my body!”

“Eh? Lewd?”

A flustered Badd covered Zenko’s ears a little too late and made her turn her gaze away from your disgusted and scared expression.

“No, no, don’t bother with that, Zenko,” said the S-Class, eye twitching at the insinuation of your words. “Just eat your ramen while it’s hot.”

“But I was asking [Name]-san a question-”

“Just eat your ramen,” Badd gently pressed his sister who rolled her eyes in return.

“Teenagers,” the little girl huffed exasperatedly.

Nevertheless, Badd kept on asking you if you wanted to be like him. He would tell you the privileges you could get as a hero, not to mention the salary you would be earning. You, on the other hand, would never get tired of telling him no. As if a coward like you would actively fight monsters as a job. You were better off staying as a civilian, no matter how strong you finally had been.

You just weren’t cut out for that hero gig.

---

ii.

Yeah, you trained to get strong so you could defend yourself from monsters and creepy people who would harass anyone they fancied. And like you told Badd time and again, you would never be a hero. 

But you wouldn’t deny the fact that helping others when there weren’t heroes around would put a huge smile on your face and a fuzzy, warm feeling in your chest.

Growing up, your parents taught you that helping other people didn’t need a licence or a title. One just needed to have the drive and compassion to do so, lending your hand not because you’re a hero but because you’re a decent human being.

And wasn’t that what capable people should do regardless of their job or title?

However, helping people required courage - and you were sorely lacking on that department.

And truth be told, your aid would always be purely accidental. Well, more like your fight or flight instincts have switched your mind into autopilot whenever monsters come crashing wherever you were.

A monster resembling a humanoid iguana showing up in the shopping district while you were out buying groceries? Fight. You had kicked its head off its shoulders because its long tongue freaked you out.

Some giant and evil sentient tree started terrorizing the children at the park you usually frequented? Fight. You punched it to kingdom come when you felt some of its vines trying to creep up your shirt.

A weird humanoid octopus, harassing the ladies at a spa you once visited? Fight. What was left of the monster was a bloody smear on the walls after you’re through with him.

And perhaps your favorite was an honest-to-god giant fire-breathing worm which threatened to destroy the forest you had camped on when you felt like leaving the city for a few days. F i g h t. You blinked back into awareness bathed in the purple blood of the monster, its remains scattered as far as your gaze could reach.

The worst (or best?) part was that you were unaware of how you defeated them - your only confirmation that you yourself had beaten the monsters were from eyewitnesses themselves. People would ask you if you were a newbie from the Hero Association, and you would immediately shake your head no.

You even received an invitation from the Association itself to join their ranks, to which you gave an easy “nope!” as your reply.

Your main concern, however, was not H. A.’s incessant invitations for you to become a hero.

Alarmed at how you would seemingly black out before facing any monster who would disrupt your relatively peaceful life, you sat on your bed and put your head on your hands.

Was it really a fight or flight instinct that guided you during those moments, or was it just plain fight, your mind blanking out and your body moving on its own accord while you finish off any monster that came to your path? 

What controls your body during those moments? Instinct? The primal urge to survive?

But how come you couldn’t remember even just a single moment of the fight?

You rubbed your face with your hands and nodded to yourself. Of course you remembered something. That fleeting moment of feeling fear grip the entirety of your existence, when thoughts of surviving another day no longer filled your mind as a monster turned its malevolent gaze on you. The feeling of wanting to throw up your swiftly beating heart out of your own seizing throat, and you breaking out into a cold sweat. Your hand closing into a fist for a punch or lifting a foot to deliver either a stomp or a kick in a hopeless attempt to defend yourself.

And then your world would turn black.

And always, automatically, you would return to awareness once your auto-piloted mind deemed the monster for the day well and truly dead.

Looking back on the times you were still a weakling, you had never experienced undergoing a fight or flight instinct as odd as what you were having now. If it had always been flight for you before, the former now seemed to overcompensate for your spinelessness now that you have gained more than enough physical strength to back it up.

(If you had come across a certain Dr. Genus and he had come to witness your power, he would go as far as to claiming that you were the second person he met to have removed their limiter.)

(And if you would ask him if it had affected your fight or flight instinct, he would have said yes: your instinct to flee had been erased by your instinct to fight, and your id would not stop until it had the pleasure of witnessing your assailants’ death.)

You disliked fighting, you were too cowardly to face it, even. And while being strong had given you a little reassurance that you could now go outside of your house without having the need to get Badd check up on you for your safety every now and again, you still avoided getting attention to yourself either from creepy guys or monsters. A huge scaredy-cat at heart, you kept your head as low as you could muster.

There was, however, one thing you seemed to be forgetting, something you seemed to have been born with and you wanted to live without.

You were the human equivalent of a magnet for the biggest and baddest of luck.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

And so you spend your days being chased by monsters, blacking out as your fight instinct took over, and wake up somewhat drenched in monster blood.

Man, when would heaven give you a break?

---

to be continued

[luvdsc]

so far we have mint, raisins, cantaloupe, cannoli, potato and lots more! we can make a whole picnic ashshja i can also add some chicken n_uggets, now all i need is you!!💞 my pick up lines have run out and i can't think of anymore huhu😖 ooh!! ive always loved playing basketball as a hobby and especially when PE rolled around. i can't relate much on the robotics but for piano i can! my parents forced me to play but i quit after 1 year of playing and tbh now i regret it sm :(( (1/3)

volunteering is such a lovely thing to do! what do you usually do? for me, school usually makes us volunteer once every year and like sometimes we go to orphanages, school for the disabled, nursing homes and other stuff! unfortunately i haven't had the chance to do it this year since covid struck and im missing all the activities!! omo from the way you say it, college really is jammed pack huh? im glad youre able to juggle it around well!! (im supposed to start this year eekkk) (2/3)

idk why but i have a feeling that our time zones differ a lot ahhzha but the weather isn't far different from mine!! its always around 85 - 95 degrees here, really warm and somewhat hot if you're not used to it, lots and lots of sunshine (i'm lucky if theres wind lol) i hope the weather is better for you today. don't forget to stay happy and have fun!♡ (i havent had the chance to read your newest fic yet but im going to rn!!!) (3/3)

✿ ✿ ✿

I LOVE CHICKEN NUGGETS OMG ESPECIALLY THE DINO SHAPED ONES!!!! Also, it’s official, we’re going on a picnic, whilst sitting six feet apart because social distancing is still important 💕 and that’s ok, honey bee!!! I have plenty to share :’) i hope you aren’t too tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day! 💓 omg yesss, basketball was always super fun in PE! Which position did you usually play? I also really liked pinball and soccer during PE. Omg aw ): well you can always get back into it! 💖 A couple of my friends are taught themselves the piano, and they’re really good!

I was able to experience all different types of volunteering! In 6th-12th grade, I volunteered often at a nonprofit that had a food bank where I package food and handed them out and a clothing donation center where I sorted through and hung up the clothes. I also volunteered at a nursing home in 8th grade regularly, and the seniors there were so lovely :’) And during the holidays, my family and I would volunteer at another place where we wrapped presents for little kids! I also volunteered weekly in a nearby hospital’s patient services for four years in hs where I discharged patients, talked to them regularly, and played the piano in various floors. And I helped with bake sales and donation drives through the community service club in hs! In college, I did a year long volunteering fellowship where I worked with students at a nonprofit trade school every week for 25 hours and helped them write resumes and cover letters and prepare for interviews! I also planned and organized two career fairs with over 50 businesses each and discussion panels!! And I worked with that trade school again for my senior project and came up with several lesson plans and revamped their old lesson materials :) oh, and I really enjoy community garden cleanups and coastal beach cleanups!!

your school sounds amazing! Does the whole class go together or do you get to choose where you want to volunteer? Ah yeah, unfortunately, covid halted everything ): college life is definitely hectic, but also one of the most fun years in your life! 💛 You get to experience the exciting parts of being an adult without actually being an adult if that makes sense?? I’m so excited for you, I hope you have the best time at college 💕💕 Omg wait does this mean you just graduated hs? if so, congratulations, honey bee!!! ✨

Oooo, my time zone is pst!!! What’s yours if you don’t mind me asking? Oh god, it’s always like that for you? Do you go outside a lot in that weather? It’s like that here in the summer, and I hate it, but I’m just grateful that there’s no humidity here :’) but yes, the weather is much better today!!! 🤩🤩 it’s 70, but it’s windy and cloudy 💗 how’s your weather like today? And thank you so much, sweetpea!!! 🥰 I hope you’re having a good weekend and having fun as well! And omg thank you for reading, lovebug!!! 🐝🌷 I hope it doesn’t disappoint :’)

[sarcasmfics]

Stuck in the Middle: Chapter 14

Hello lovelies! I am super excited to share Chapter 14 of Stuck in the Middle!!

AO3    Series Masterlist    Masterlist

Summary: Sarah is a scholarship graduate student at Stark Industries working on her dissertation. When she falls, both literally and figuratively, for two super soldiers (the DNA of one that happens to be her subject), how do they navigate this new polyamorous relationship? And when her research mysteriously disappears, will she lose not only their trust, but her scholarship and scientific merit?

*** I floated in that blissful state between deep sleep and consciousness, reveling in the warmth of the soft blankets and the familiar weight of the arm draped across my side. Bucky snored quietly, his front pressed against my back and I smiled to myself. It had been a long time since I’d shared a bed, and though it was so soon, it felt perfect. Sleep took over once more, softly dragging me into the comforting darkness.

The bed shifted behind me and Bucky’s arm disappeared, taking with it the warmth and weight that kept me in the deep sleep I was pulled from. Slowly, I turned over, squinting through the grey light that filtered through the curtains across the room. Bucky had sprawled out on the bed, the covers pushed down to his hips, his flesh arm resting beneath his pillow. At some point during the night, he’d taken his metal arm off, though I wasn’t sure how, and the tank he wore was twisted, revealing the small patch of dark hair just below his navel.

I missed the comfort of his heat and turned over, fitting myself just beneath his shoulder and drifted off to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat.

***

It wasn’t the sound of the shower that woke me, but the loss of Bucky’s now familiar warmth. I squinted through sleep-fogged eyes as the bathroom door opened and Bucky stepped through, towelling his hair with his flesh hand.

“Morning, Buck,” I smiled, stretching contently.

“Hey, doll,” he replied, pausing to toss the towel over his shoulder. “Sorry about… uh…” He nodded toward where his arm used to be, pushing his damp hair away from his face.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, climbing off the bed to press a kiss to his lips.

“Not everyone takes so well to my arm not being there.” The thought had crossed my mind when I’d snuggled closer to him; I didn’t know the metal appendage could come off.

“C’mere,” I said, stifling a yawn as I lead him back to the bed. “You don’t need to apologize, babe. This is who you are, a part of you, and you have no reason to be sorry.”

Pressing a kiss to my forehead, he pushed his wet hair back.. “Some people are bothered by it- whether it’s there or not. It’s almost like people can’t stand to see me without an arm, but at the same time they can’t stand one being there. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Bucky, you’re not making me uncomfortable, and if you were I’d tell you. Just like I hope you’d tell me if I did anything to make you uncomfortable.” He nodded quietly, watching as I reached over to wrap my arms around him. He did the same, burying his face in my neck. We stayed like that for a bit and I allowed my eyes to close, taking in his warmth and the smell of his fresh body wash. But it was more than that, it was something that was just so him that could never be replicated. A low grumble broke the silence and I pulled back to laugh as he blushed. “Hungry?”

“Very.”

“Let me get dressed and we can get something to eat?” He nodded and I stood to go, but before I could, he tugged me back to stand between his open legs.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

He shrugged. “For caring so much.” With a quick peck on the lips, I made my way down to my apartment to get cleaned up.

**

The common room was empty when I returned, knocking quietly on Bucky’s door before heading inside. Immediately, the smell of coffee and waffles overtook me and I followed it to the kitchen where Bucky was cooking eggs while keeping an eye on a waffle maker on the counter. Glancing behind me, he offered a quick smile before opening the waffle maker, revealing a perfectly cooked waffle.  

“Babe, you don’t have to cook all the time.” I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind to press a kiss in the center of his back, but he only chuckled.

“I like cooking, doll.” He replied, separating the cooked eggs onto two separate places, each with its own waffle. “Come on, before they get cold.” We tucked into our breakfast, Bucky topping his waffle with whipped cream before squirting some onto mine.

“Thank you for breakfast. You know I’ll be happy to cook too.”

“My pleasure! I enjoy cooking. And I know you will, I figured that I was already here, so why not start?” The waffles were so good and I wondered if he’d made them from scratch or from a box. I could never get mine to come out so fluffy.

“Why do you like cooking so much?” I asked, “Seems like Steve enjoys it too.”

He hummed in agreement. “I used to help my ma back before the war. And there’s a lot more around now than canned beans and spam.”

“Oh wow,” I cringed, “When I was a kid, we used to call SPAM ‘Stuff Posing As Meat.’ Kind of stupid thinking about it now, but…”

“It takes a bit of getting used to,” he chucked. “We had it a lot in the army. It was cheap and easy to ship over. And I didn’t really eat when I was- you know, the Soldier. So when I finally got out, food was one of the hardest things to get used to.” I didn’t want to ask, but he seemed to sense my question. “IV nutrients.” He supplied. “Cheaper, faster, and easier for them to control.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he shrugged. “Seriously, it’s ok. What I went through, it already happened. It’s over.” He paused for a moment and I took his metal hand in mine, squeezing it gently. “Do you know, the first fruit I had when I finally was free was a plum?”

“Really?”

He nodded. “When I finally settled in Romania, I was able to mess around with food. It was tight thinking back on it, but God, I loved plums.”

“What did you do over there?”

“A lot, actually.” He bit off a piece of waffle and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “I did a lot of work under the table. Mostly heavy lifting. Helped this old lady once in the market, that’s how I got the plums. She was trying to load her cart but the box was too heavy and I caught it before she could fall. I showed up almost every day after that, helped her load and unload her cart and she gave me some of the older fruits.

“Word spread and I got a bit of a reputation there. Before I knew it, I was getting a mix of pocket change and leftover groceries for helping a lot of the farmers. That lady - she put me up in her barn for a while in the winter until I had enough to get a small apartment in town. I used to fix stuff in her house and she’d feed me. It felt nice, you know? I could do something useful and good with myself. And that stupid arm was doing good for once.”

“That sounds really nice. I’m glad she was there to help you.” I couldn’t help but admire the faraway look on his face as he remembered the smaller details.

“Before I knew it, I was running errands for her, especially in the bad weather.” Bucky chuckled to himself as he took another bite of waffle. “I’d go to the butcher for her too. She told everyone I was her nephew and not to bother me because I’d had a hard time. It was like she understood. She called me her bear and laughed because I was so big, but so quiet and shy. Hell, I even started working for the butcher when she ran out of things she wanted fixed in her little house. She taught me recipes she knew, easy ones that didn’t take a lot of ingredients. And that’s how I realized that I hadn’t had a decent meal in almost seventy years.” He pressed a kiss to my hand before sitting back, his thumb tracing my knuckles. “Sorry- I didn’t mean to talk so much.”

“Why are you sorry?” I replied. “I love hearing your stories.”

“Really?” I nodded.

“You know, when Steve took me out, he talked about you so much.” He squeezed my hand, trying to hide his blush. “It was really cute.”

“He’s a softie.” Bucky chuckled.

“I don’t think he’s the only one,” I replied. “I like it. It’s really nice to see how much you guys love each other. And I’m not going to lie, but it’s making me fall for you even more now.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “Yeah babe! If you guys weren’t serious about each other, then I’d be nervous about being in this relationship. But you guys fit so naturally together that I can’t even picture one of you without the other.”

“So you’re fallin’ for us, huh?” He asked so cooly, but I could see the pink in his cheeks.

“Maybe,” I replied, but couldn’t help but to mirror his smile.

***

Thank you to everyone who stopped by, enjoyed the series, left love, and left comments! I look forward to sharing the next chapter! <3 

[rogue-rook]

some highlights from Story and Song from an all-caught-up-now TAZ listener (spoilers abound)

hot damn yall

i gotta feeling everybody’s coming back for this finale

oh god taako just realized he found his sister’s fucking SKELETAL REMAINS

griffin: “taako and merle, make a dexterity saving throw" justin: “hell yeah, dungeons and dragons is back!” griffin: “we’re back and we’re rolling dice that have 20 sides on them. it’s got 20 sides and 20 numbers, its great”

griffin: “the third figure is a fucking rhinoceros” magnus: “DIBS!”

the fact that angus is an 11 year old child and totally DOWN TO FIGHT just reinforces that i was right to make him my favorite npc

hell yeah we’re back to DND fights! they like rolled for initiative and everything

justin, after talking about taako’s leveling up: “should i talk slower so everybody who’s been complaining about us not playing dnd has time to nut. how’s everyone enjoying this GREAT COMPELLING AUDIO”

griffin: “this hand is gonna attack you, taako, cuz you just set it on fire”

magnus: “i jump on the back of the rhinoceros” griffin: “of COURSE you do”

taako: "hey magnus that was the coolest thing ive ever seen…HANDS DOWN!“ get it cuz they found a giant magical hand…GETIT?!

ango used the umbra staff to cast a fireball way above what ango should be able to do and im like hot damn i love this fucking umbrella

taako: “i snap the umbra staff over my knee” HOLY SHIT YALL!! ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LUP LUP LUP LUP ITS LUP ITS LUP ITS MY DAUGHTER SHE’S HERRREEEEEEE

“lup grits her teeth and says ‘I’m going to fucking kill you now’“ MY GIRL!!!!! THATS MY GIRL!!!”

PHANTASMAL AND RESPLENDENT

“YOU’RE DATING THE GRIM REAPER???” I LOVE HER SO GODDAMN MUCH

lup: “why didn’t you let me out sooner, dingus?” taako: “i didn’t remember you existed, goofus” THEY’RE SO ADORABLE

taako: “don’t worry, I’ve got MAGIC POWERS” magnus: “is that supposed to be a big reveal?��

the love between magnus and fisher is one of my favorite bonds of this whole show

everyone banding together to fight the big bad is one of my favorite tropes ever (what’s up pacific rim) so that everyone is doing that here is INCREDIBLE

magnus: “i use my levitation magic” griffin: “oh im sorry, did you say you take the elevator? the skype call broke up for a second there”

griffin: “magnus, something falls from the sky” magnus: “i catch it” griffin: “no you don’t, it’s pretty big”

i’m so glad that griffin is committed to calling killian, carey fangbattle, and noelle “Team Sweet Flipz”

lup: “here’s my idea, are you ready for it? it’s a banger”

griffin: “you remember that, taako, because your memory’s so good!”

griffin: “its upsy, your lifting friend” wait what. im sorry, what?????????

oh its lucas okay, cool. that moment got wayyyy too much Gravitas for it just to be the worst brand mascot EVER

YOOOOOO istus’s gift to taako, the item he could retrieve when he needed it most, has RETURNED TO THE STORY AND IM SO EXCITED BY THAT!!!

wait wait. is this RANDO the “man wreathed in flame”? THIS LITERAL RANDO??? THIS LITERAL RANDOM CHARACTER GRIFFIN HAS JUST INTRODUCED TO US NOW????

griffin has really genuinely lost track of the correct timeline of the events of this story and im like shit my dude, you and me both. ive only got most of it down

this john motherfucker is like almost tugging at my heartstrings but also im the embodiment of “cool motive still murder” bc im pretty sure this dude’s to blame

clint doesn’t remember jack shit about merle’s kids right now and in context, its like merle doesn’t even know how old his kids are. that’s BAD

griffin: “although this bear is in like Furious Nonsensical Monster Mode, you see, just faintly, you see it retract its claws as if to say ‘alright motherfucker, lets wrestle’”

magnus: “they’re not strong enough, I have to be” damn, talk about a Magnus Burnsides Thesis Statement

the fact that magnus is refusing to kill this monster mode Power Bear even though it’s being controlled by an eldritch nightmare is like. proof that magnus has a goddamn heart of gold. what a hero

magnus finds it in him to ask for help and avi comes crashing through the walls like “sup dude, need some help from Captain Handsome Hero?”

“no dogs on the moon!” AAHHHHHH IM SO EXCITED ABOUT THAT

taako: “i don’t know what tacos are. I’ve gotten hints, if you wanna call them taco prophecies. that’s a crazy thing to say out loud, but I just said it, so here we are, I guess, I’m talking at you through a frying pan, try to keep up Joaquin”

taako: “I’ll take one taco, extra destiny”

taako: “yeah, like I’m going to let myself be seen being taught how to cook anything, nice try”

taako: “so, a toast” joaquin: “no, its a taco….just a little food joke” taako: “very little”

istus: “huh, didn’t see that one coming” griffin: “across two universes, two food trucks explode” damn griffin

joaquin: “EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE OKAY! I’VE GOT MAGIC POWERS!” DAMN! THAT’S A GOOD FUNNY PARALLEL

griffin: “kneeling at the center of town, is kravitz” OH GOOD! NOW WE’RE COOKING! NOW WE’VE GOT THE GOOD SHIT GOING!

i just gotta mention here that I love eldritch nightmares and cthulu-esque monsters, so this story’s eldritch nightmare that consumes everything in its path contrasted with a slowly-more-corrupted human avatar is MY JAM

merle: “i cast zone of truth!” travis: “TO WHAT END??”

griffin: “it is the most powerful holy spell you have ever cast” THAT’S A GOOD FINALE CALLBACK!!!!

HURLEY! AND SLOANE!!! THEY’RE BACK AND THEY’RE DRYADS!!!!!! THAT’S SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! GRIFFIN!!! YOU BROUGHT THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!

griffin: “she turns back to lucas’s lab and she says ‘hero time’” NOELLE!!!!! NOELLE THAT WAS SO GOOD!!!

THIS TAAKO/KRAVITZ KISS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE KISSING!!!! I LOVE THEM!!

kravitz: “i wanna warm up my face so it’s not weird” AWWWWW

THEY’RE SO IN LOVE! I LOVE THEM! THIS EPISODE IS SO GAY

lup: “what’s up ghost rider?” kravitz: “you know we’re going to have to talk about the fact that your sister’s a lich, right?” taako: “yeah…i assumed”

lup: “taako just summoned all the energy in our reality to come help us fight” magnus: “mmhmm. I fought a bear…when I say it like that, it doesn’t sound as good, does it?”

davenport: “lup did you find the starblaster?” lup: “oh i sorta… forgot we were supposed to be doing that”

taako: “we have basically been trolling it for 100 years..[..]..and i don’t know about you, but TAAKO’S GOOD OUT HERE”

lup: “lucretia, dear, I’ve already forgotten about the whole thing. OH! OH! bad choice of words!” lup you adorable asshole

lup: “please don’t die” taako: “i’d say the same but that ship done sailed, hasn’t it?”

MAGNUS GAVE ANGUS HIS KNIFE!!!!! THAT SHIT IS SOO GOOD!!!!!!!

taako: “i walk over to angus and say ‘hey cool knife, you know he’s got a sword that’s on fire, right? he did just give you a KNIFE’”

lup: “hear that, babe? we’re legends”

“there’s magic in a bard’s song” OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

“YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT! AND YOU’RE GOING TO WIN!”

magnus: “this is it? it’s just a guy!” taako: “yeah it’s one guy, shouldn’t be a problem”

clint: “you heal up to 700 hit points!” griffin: “BULLSHIT! WHAT???” clint: “divided evenly” justin: “okay well but you don’t have any 9th level spell slots…” clint: “then I will use Mathias the Living Grimoire!” awesome I’m so glad clint learned how to actually properly play dnd on this LAST EP

griffin: “I will say, you’re on a ship, there’s probably a mast or something for you to swing down from” wait what this is an actual ship??? i was picturing like the entreprise or something

griffin: “we’re playing a little calvinball with the design of the starblaster” oh okay cool yeah its like a spaceship, not a fucking 17th century pirate ship

my dudes you never leave your weapons buried in the dying bodies of your enemies bc if they bounce back, they got your weapon now

griffin: “john is up first” justin: “fuck” clint: “he’s still just john? he’s not Demi-john????” travis: “final john” more cross-mcelroy-product jokes!!!!

the grubby heroes healed by godly love, i bet some people are feeling some Stuff right now

taako: “hey i want everyone to meet a new friend of mine, this is Joaquin” griffin: “OH FUCK! YES YES YES YES!!!”

joaquin: “thanks for the wizard powers, I’ve killed like a hundred of these things!”

griffin: “oh fuck I thought you were going to summon ME!!!”

hot damn clint REMEMBERED his gift from istus and fucking used it!!!!!!!!!

taako used the immovable rod!!!!! im so proud of them for remembering AND using all their items!!!!

taako: “i gotta be with lup” oh that’s so fucking sweet

angus: “hey everybody, johann was right! WE WON!” cool im crying a little bit, no big deal

LUP GOT HER BODY BACK! LUP GOT HER BODY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

griffin: “how does magnus die?” hey fuck off griffy i don’t want this

magnus being reunited with julia is making me cry significantly now

they got their happy endings, everybody got their happy endings, and I’m so happy

I am SO glad and grateful I got caught up in time for this fucking heartwrenching sweet finale

[wormsongs]

some uhh personal thoughts related to marvel stuff... its uh... long

as much as i love the expansion of gamora and nebula’s relationship, how nice it is to see sister relationships explored in hollywood media. i think ill always relate more to mcu thor and lokis relationship. while gamora and nebula represent siblings in an openly abusive household pushed to the extreme and scifi, something i cant directly relate to, the boys represent more a relationship strained by expectations, envy, and ignorance; something i WAY more relate to

my half brother is 10 years older than me. when i was a kid i idolized him, as most kids do with their older siblings. he wasnt a perfect student, hell, he wasnt even a GOOD student he was pretty angry and rebellious during high school. but i was a kid i didnt care i loved him, like really loved him (before i knew what marriage was actually i thought it just meant spending forever with someone and i wanted to “marry” him so you can imagine how healthy this relationship was). he spent time with me sometimes, yeah, we played video games and stuff but i got in the way alot. then he graduated and left me. he moved out of state, to where his mom lived. and i grew up, moved on, didn’t see or even talk to him for probably 5 years. I was maybe 9 when he left. I was always told “you cant be as bad as drew was” or “you’ve got to be better than he was.” this was a brother i idolized for my whole life, and i was being told of his flaws without him there, being compared to him constantly by my parents (mostly my mom which is a whole other can of worms). and even though he wasn’t the perfect brother, you can imagine the kind of pressure that puts on a kid.

then his mom died of cancer and he moved back to austin. we hadn’t talked for 4 or 5 years, and last time we did i was a kid. the first memory i have of him where i wasnt a straight up kid was him taking me and my dad to watch Avengers in theaters. (wow what a coincidence that i just put together on the spot). but even then his life was a wreck and i was still a kid. we didnt talk. what had been idolization became distance and pressure on me.

i was the perfect kid, never snuck out, always got good grades, didnt do a weed or drink, never went to parties. I had to be, bc i “couldn’t be as bad as drew.” So i was sure not to be. But i had maybe 3 friends. this was early highschool, 2013 about and i still barely talked to my brother. I think the first time we hung out in probably months was seeing thor 2 (huh how bout that. I was in the Loki phase by then.) but I was still the perfect student and a good swimmer, if a bit weird and obsessed. i still had a chance to be “better than drew.”

then junior year of highschool rolled around. and thats when i started to fall apart. good ol Depression kicked in, wasnt too bad yet, but my grades started to slip. But all that mattered was “i wasn’t as bad as drew.” I couldn’t be so i didnt talk to anybody about it, let alone my parents. I couldn’t, i had to be better. so i swam and a went to school and i obsessed over marvel bc it was what i had. I shamed myself out of liking loki (NOT what i should have done turns out that only made things worse)

Senior year was the worst. figured out i wasnt straight. Depression was bad, cutting, suicidal thoughts, the whole 9 yards. It was rough, but i still went to school and i still swam, i still saw marvel movies, my life went on bc “i couldn’t be as bad as drew.” my cuts got found out and the counselor called me in. I lied, said it was my cat. a good excuse because i do have scars from my cat. i lied, and my parents believed me. still believe me to this day. still dont know that i used to cut. i lied, i kept lying every time someone asked me about the scratches on my leg. but my parents knew i “wasn’t as bad as drew.”

only difference was that i was talking to my brother again, barely, but talking. mostly through work out class that he taught. it was weird, he never knew how i felt, doesnt know still. but it was something. he was older and better than me now, his life was back on track, he just got a girlfriend, he had a job. I was a depressed, suicidal, cutting, queer highschooler who picked a college only passivly and let others do most of the decision making (which suited my mom fine), i didnt care, i was so tired. I was “worse than drew” even if no one ever knew it. I knew it.

things got better after highschool, i stopped cutting, got my first tattoo over my scars, i tried to pull myself out a depressive spiral, i prepared for college. I was “Stable”, i talked to my brother sometimes. turns out the college i basically let my mom pick for me was a good fit. life was hard but it had been harder. and away from my parents i didnt have to be “better than drew” even if the memory remains.

only problem was, i had never paid any attention to my jealousy and anger. i never addressed that i had any towards my brother. only now, years and years later, after a summer where i finally hung out with him almost twice a week, am i finally letting myself get mad at my brother. im letting him annoy me if we hang out too long. im letting myself feel jipped if he says were gonna do something and then backs out. im acknowledging his flaws and my own. i still struggle with the “worse than drew” mentality bc he is better than me now, and what i want to do is not a profiting business. but its better.

and well, tldr:

ive got an older half brother who i idolized. who my parents compared me to constantly. who, by some weird coincidence, has a deep connection w mjolnir in my head (via his tattoo of it) and a cool dark haired athletic girlfriend that could kick my ass (like what kinda fucking coincidence), that dropped out of my life pretty dramatically at a turning point. a brother that i was secretly, even to myself, envious of, envy that came from unhealthy idolization. a brother who thinks “you can tell me anything” even though i CANT because of the distance between us he hasnt quite fully acknowledged either. 

and me, the younger, not straight, sibling who was(is) depressed, who felt abandoned by a brother who didnt really mean to abandon me, who was held so high and tried so hard to keep that reputation that i didnt let myself grow healthily. who lied about my problems and still isnt really to term with how i feel about my brother. who feels worse than their sibling because they were always told to be better.

and reconciliation is everything i want but everything i dont think i can get because of my own inclination to lock things away and ignore them.

also ive called my brother thor so many goddamn times totally on accident and my brain needs to chill the fuck out like i get it i understand the connection pls dont expose me im not ready for that yet

and just like... mcu thor and lokis relationship is something i hold so dear and close bc its so familiar. i want them to do better bc i want to do better

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

-

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever 

-

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

-

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

-

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

-

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

-

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

-

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

-

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time. 

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

-

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

-

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

-

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs 

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

-

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

-

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour. 

-

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it. 

-

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

-

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

-

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

-

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on 

-

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

-

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

-

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

-

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

-

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

-

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

-

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?! 

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

-

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder. 

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

-

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

-

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

-

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

-

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

-

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE. 

-

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable 

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

-

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case. 

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

-

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

-

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

-

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

-

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

-

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

-

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

-

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

-

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

-

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

-

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

-

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

-

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

-

ema: can i fuck off now

-

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

-

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

-

“back in the old country”

...england..?

-

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

-

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

-

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE  oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

-

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

-

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

-

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

-

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

-

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out. 

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

-

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

-

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA. 

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you. 

-

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

-

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

-

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL.  THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

-

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

-

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

-

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

-

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

-

why the fuck did he 

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL 

AW YEA

-

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

-

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

-

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

-

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom 

-

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

-

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

-

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

-

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

-

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

-

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

-

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

-

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

-

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

-

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

-

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

-

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

-

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

-

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

-

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

-

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

-

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting. 

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

-

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

-

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

-

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

-

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

-

Huh. 

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

:T

-

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

-

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

-

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

-

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

-

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

-

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

-

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

-

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller. 

-

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

-

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

o

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

-

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

-

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

-

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

-

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

-

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

-

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

-

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

-

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

-

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

-

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

-

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

-

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

-

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

-

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

-

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting 

-

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

-

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

-

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

-

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

-

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

-

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

-

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

-

oh wait

ah here we go.

-

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

-

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU 

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

-

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell. 

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

-

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

-

what the fuck is his deal with being king

-

OH SHUT UP DURKE 

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

-

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

w

when

-

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

-

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

-

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

-

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID 

-

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN 

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

-

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

-

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

-

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation 

-

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

-

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

-

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

-

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted 

-

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

-

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

-

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

-

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

-

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

-

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

-

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO 

-

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

-

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

-

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

-

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.

[vaffaznculocolmpadrter]

OC Interview: Sparrow the Druid

Rules 1. Pick one of your characters 2. Fill in the questions/statements as if you are being interviewed for an article and you were your muse. 3. Tag people to do this meme

Holy fuck this is a lot of words for a lot of questions. I hope you enjoy this out of context hullabaloo i had fun writing it at least.

       As a mysterious journey brought our heroes to the lakeside city of Thrushmoor, a man decided he wanted to know more. More about this strange band of adventurers, who were traipsing about this dour nation of Ustalav and righting some of its many wrongs. After an afternoon of asking about town, he easily discovered the name of their inn. (Appearances such as theirs are not easy to mistake, especially a young lady of drow descent and a woman with what only be described as a ‘mane’ of impossibly red hair). As luck would have it, it was those very same women he chanced upon.

       He introduced himself as a writer, and told them of his plea; they were understandably confused. (The purple-skinned elf coincidentally played the part of the shrinking violet, while her companion could not have been any more her foil if she tried). The wild, redheaded lass towered over them, and after a few more explanations, agreed to speak.

      That interview is recorded here, exactly as it occurred.

What is your name?

Sparrow.

What is your real name?

*Sparrow ruminates for quite a bit before answering.*

You know… when a serial killer ghost uses names for his dumb ghost magic, and you see the word ‘sparrow’ appear in blood on the wall… I guess there really isn’t any other answer that matters.

Do you know why you were called that?

Nah, not really, though I’ve been called that for like, EVER. As long as I can remember, even… Huh… I wonder if little me ever knew.

Are you single or taken?

What’s that mean?

*Her companion Cylerra walks over and leans down to whisper something in Sparrow’s ear. A look of realization blooms on her face as she listens.*

Oh. Uhhh… that is. Hmmm. That first one sounds about right, I guess.

Have any abilities or powers?

Oh dude easy question. First off I’m a druid do you know what a druid is yeah yeah you know what a druid is. So I’m one of those. Oh. You want a bit more than that? Uh. I’m pretty good with fire magic and… what else. Oh! Oh oh I know I don’t look it but I’m pretty good at making magical do-dad thingies.

*Sparrow waves Cylerra over again,  points to the small ornate clip nestled in her white hair, and grins.*

See that? I made it. It’s cute as fuck too, right?

Stop being a Mary Sue.

*Sparrow silently squints, her mouth slightly ajar. She closes and opens it a few times before responding*

I’m. Going to assume that’s a bad thing to be. So… sure. I guess.

What’s your eye color?

Well, if you asked me a month ago the answer’d be some kind of grey… but recently we all woke up with some sparkly ass silver eyes after a weird divine magic butterfly dream thing. I think it’s pretty neat, seeing as all of us match now and stuff.

How about your hair color?

Oh! Okay so imagine the reddest red you’ve ever seen. Ever. In your WHOLE entire life. Got it? Now…

*Sparrow hovers her thumb just a centimeter away from her index finger.*

That’s how close my hair is to your reddest red.

Have you any family members?

Huh. Hmmm… now that i think about it, I suppose I got three different families.

*Sparrow begins to count on her fingers as she lists them off. She hesitates on the first finger, motioning with it several times before speaking.*

…there was- …there is- …there- fuck! There.

*Sparrow grows flustered, sighs, and begins counting again.*

Ma and Pa. The wolf pack. And the old green dickbag who taught me magic… There, that’s- Wait… actually no, sorry. I was being dumb for a second. There’s four.

*Sparrow’s mood brightens as she turns to see Cylerra, who meekly waves back in response before returning to her book.*

I have four families.

Oh? What about pets?

I suppose you mean that wolf pack I just mentioned. Like I said before, I consider them family, which is probably going to confuse a few people. I guess I could explain a bit. They’re family because, well… they saved my life. It happened when I was little… and when I needed them most.

*Sparrow averts her gaze toward the floor, and absentmindedly begins tracing circles on the table.*

Afterwards, I was… really, really scared. I didn't want to be left, alone... So I. You know. Followed after them… I don’t remember for how long. Or how far. But then, one day… I was just. There. With the wolves. Sleeping. And eating. And Playing.

*Sparrow glances back up just as tears begin to well in her eyes. Her emotional display startled her, and she quickly wipes her face with a hand.*

Oh, wow. Jeez, what am I  doing? My friends don’t even know those details and I’m just spilling them all over your dumb stupid shitty fucking notebook… Sorry. I didn’t mean to call you and your notebook dumb. Oh, I didn’t call you dumb? Well. I was thinking it, so. Sorry about that too, I guess… So, uh. Pets, right? Um, I have a silly little plant buddy I made with magic, does he count?

Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

Let’s see…

*Sparrow straightens up a tad and takes a deep breath.*

Relaxing. Hunting. Goofing off. Solving mysteries. Hanging out with Cylerra. Poking fun at Cylerra.  Exploring. Swimming. Watching my friends do the things they like. Drinking. Dancing. Eating- Oh yeah can’t forget about eating. Feeling mud between my toes. Listening to the forest. Meeting new people. Playing with fire. Star-gazing. Seeing Trey be bad at being serious. Sun-bathing. Making nifty magic crap. Sleeping. Fucking. Kicking ass. Fl- oh, okay sure I can stop if that’s enough.

That’s cool I guess, now tell me something you don’t like.

Undead come to mind for sure. I hate zombies I hate wights I hate ghosts I hate wraiths I hate werewolf ghosts I- Oh, yeah. And FUCK mummies. HOLY SHIT DUDE DO I HATE MUMMIES. Throw every single one of them into the garbage pit and set it on fucking fire please.

Ever hurt anyone before?

I think that’s like… part of being an adventurer, right? Like. If you are an adventurer and you go on adventures if you keep continuing to adventure, you are gonna hurt someone eventually. Punching or feeling wise, its bound to happen.

Ever….killed anyone before?

I have, yeah. Like, when I count it up, Ive definitely hunted plenty of animals and recently began killing a good chunk of undead, but they probably don’t fall under everyone’s ‘anyone’ category. I think it’s safe to say werewolves and cultists do though, so yeah. I have killed dudes before.

What kind of animal are you?

Well technically I can be basically whatever the heck i want, but I think you mean like, in a figurative way? Still though. Dude. I think it’s pretty obvious.

Name your worst habits.

I’m told I say things I shouldn’t a whole bunch. Like basically every day all the time. ‘Sparrow no you can’t say that, no Sparrow that’s inappropriate, Sparrow stop you’re offending them.’

*Sparrow sighes.*

What else… I get told I’m too loud. or wait, I don’t think that’s really a habit. Hmmm. Some people complain about how I eat? Manners or something dumb like that.

Do you look up to anyone at all?

Not that often. Apparently I’m pretty tall for a lady, so most of the time I’m looking down to people instead. I definitely had to look up to Gallows though, that dude’s hat scraped on door-frames sometimes.

Gay, straight, or bisexual?

Uh. Hmm.

*Sparrow counts on her fingers as she mouths a few words to herself. After several seconds, she quickly gives up .*

I don’t really know how this sort of thing works. Do amounts matter?

Do you go to school?

I’ve gone to a school once, when we visited Cylerra’s old one. But you mean like, going to school, like what she did. So no. I’ve never gone to school. And thinking about it… even if things had been different… I don’t think I ever would’ve had the chance anyways.

Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

*Sparrow freezes for several seconds, then laughs uncomfortably. She begins fiddling with her hair as an awkward silence fills the table.*

I’ve, uh. Never really… thought. About it. Before…

Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

Oh! Do kids pretending to be me count? Because if that does then yeah yes I do have fans. Man, those little pups were really sweet once the town finally unstuck themselves from their own asses and realized we weren't trying to ruin their lives.

What are you most afraid of?

Most afraid of? Hmmm. I guess... being unable to- to- Damn I don't know how to say this. Okay. Say someone I knew and liked was in trouble. Like, some really, really bad shit was going to happen to them and I’m seeing it as it happens. I'm afraid of when a time like that comes... and I can't even try to do something about it.

*Sparrow pauses.*

Wow. That was so serious I bet you wanted things like heights or dark spaces.

What do you usually wear?

I don't really got a signature outfit or nothing but you can bet you'll see me wearing this!

*Sparrow enthusiastically gestures to the wolf pelt slung around her shoulders.*

Do you love someone?

Well, I love my families. I love my friends and my pack and my. Parents. And I love my shitty teacher too, I guess. That's ab- Huh? What do you mean that's not what you mean? Oh. Oooooh. You mean like. How my Ma loved my Pa, and my Pa loved my Ma...

*Sparrow rubs her the back of her neck as she falls deep into her thoughts.*

... No. I don't really love anyone the way they love each other. And I'm not really sure if I ever will...

What class are you? (high class, middle class, low class)

I never cared about stuff like that. I never had to. I was the little girl of a hunter and a potion maker who lived in a house outside of town at the edge of the woods and we were the most happiest people in my whole wide world...

*Sparrow’s wistful stare is distant, and accompanied by a small smile. It lasts but a moment before her face turns sour and she shakes her head.*

Then I lived in the forest with a whole shit ton of wolves and a crappy old orc for a while. So. Low, I guess.

How many friends do you have?

I like to consider anyone who isn’t a jerk to be a friend. Life is a whole lot funner that way. But if I gotta name names... Kendra, I think. Zokar the tavern owner - damn I love that guy I kinda miss him. Grimsbarrow... Shit basically the entire town of Ravengro. That cool Crooked Kin circus we ran into. Barrister Kaple - hope he keeps growing that backbone we gave him. The Beast of Lepidstadt- Ah! See, I knew you were gonna give me a face like that. Nothing but the truth my man. Hmmmm. Oh! That badass at the lodge... Graydon! Graydon.

*Sparrow leans forward, hides her mouth with a hand and whispers.*

Now, I said I have a lot of friends, but I think Cylerra is my best friend. Don‘t tell anyone though it might hurt their feelings.

What are your thoughts on pie?

I like them. Especially fruit ones. Though Zokar’s meat pie was pretty good with some ale.

Favorite drink?

Oh, fuck. I don’t actually know... There’s so much good stuff out there and I’ve only had like a sliver of it.

What’s your favourite place?

Wow damn dude you keep asking all these hard questions. How can someone decide when there are so many places to choose from? ...Eh, I suppose I could say the woods I spent my whole ada- adu- ader- Sorry hold on.

*Sparrow swivels around and shouts Cylerra’s name at the top of her lungs. Cylerra yelps in surprise and the book she had been so patiently reading clatters to the floor.*

WHAT’S THE THING THAT’S NOT A BABY OR A KID, BUT ALSO NOT AN ADULT OR AN OLD PERSON?

*Cylerra glares at Sparrow, and begins to move one of her hands in an intricate fashion. Suddenly, small fiery letters appear out of thin air in front of Sparrow. As the word forms one letter at a time, it clearly spells ‘ADOLESCENT!’ But the moment the exclamation point appears, the entire array explodes with a loud pop and a large puff of smoke! Cylerra storms out of the room, as Sparrow is left with a soot-covered face.*

THANK YOU. So yeah I spent all of that thing in the same huge ass forest. I know that place in and out and up and down and basically any other direction you can think of.

Are you interested in someone?

Yeah I- Wait. Is this another one of those questions? Where I don’t understand it at first and it ends up being about sex or something? Yeah, I thought so. Looking for someone to fuck is not really on my mind considering the fact that I mmmmm-not going to tell you that because it would be dumb and get me thinking about it again and then get me worrying about it aga- MMMMMNH!

*Sparrow’s nostrils flare, and her face contorts into an expression of exasperation as she wipes the soot from it.*

Next question please.

What’s your bra cup size?

*Sparrow casually reaches into her shirt and gropes herself. After a squeeze or two, she removes her hand and shows it off.*

About that big.

Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

Oh oh oh I’ve never been to the ocean that’s the one with the salt in the water right? I really want to go! I want to see it for myself, hopefully I can drag my friends with me it sounds like a blast.

What’s your type?

*Sparrow’s face becomes stoic as her eyebrows raise.*

I think I know your game now, mister writer man. My type is people I like. Okay? Okay.

Any fetishes?

Huh? You mean those little charms you make that are suppose to ward off evil or whatever?

*Sparrow immediately drops her deadpan facade and taps a finger on her lips in thought.*

Nah, not anymore. The green geezer had me making them all the damn time when he first started teaching me. It didn’t even have anything to do with druidism he just wanted to waste my time. I wanted to run away so bad back then, but he kept finding me and dragging me home every time I tried. I guess I gave up after failing for like a year. I think that’s about when he starting teaching me for real.

Seme or uke? Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

I don’t even know what half of these things mean but I’m definitely not submissive, so dominant I guess.

Camping or indoors?

NATURE IS MY MIDDLE NAME OF COURSE I’LL ALWAYS PICK CAMPING also nature is not actually my middle name don’t write that down.

Are you wanting to quiz to end?

Yeah this took way longer than I thought you should really tell people that before you sit them down and vomit questions at them.