#ive taken all the meds i can take pretty much

[avatar-aaang]

okay so I had a fever Thursday night/Friday morning and then I've been congested ever since and my pupils are HUGE rn like hello. All I wanted was to be up to date on my vaccines and instead I had to miss a meeting and a craft fair. And I think im about to miss at least one day of work too. This is some bullshit

[bruisedboys]

STAR TRIPPING, blurbs ─── send in a character + a prompt from the lists above and I’ll write you a blurb!

could do you do a fluff blurb with miguel o'hara for~

❛ was that your first kiss? ❜

❛ do you think i’m a good person? ❜

❛ what if i hurt you? ❜

ive never really requested anything and i don't if that's too many prompts, so very sorry, ignore this if it's too much !! <3

hi angel!! thank you so much for the ask. I just used one of these prompts, I hope you don’t mind! 🤍

SPOILERS FOR SPIDERMAN: ATSV BELOW THE CUT!

miguel o’hara x spider-person!reader, no pronouns used, fluff and a tiny bit of angst!

prompt — ❛ do you think i’m a good person? ❜

Miguel isn’t used to feeling judged. He doesn’t care what other people think, especially when most people who don’t like him are much younger and much more inexperienced, in his opinion (Read: Hobie Brown).

But with you around it’s different. He feels like he needs to be better. Kinder, maybe. He’s not exactly sure why. Or rather, he knows exactly why but doesn’t want to admit it.

You’re kind, you’re really kind, probably the sweetest most selfless spider-person he’s ever had to deal with. And he’s dealt with a lot. Miguel likes how kind you are. At first it sort of stopped him in his tracks, threw him for a loop. Now that he’s known you for a while he’s found himself acting differently, being more forgiving of mistakes, letting things go that he usually wouldn’t. He’d never admit it out loud, but he knows it’s because he likes you. And, more importantly, he wants you to like him.

Still, he messes up sometimes. A mission to catch a Vulture variant turns messy when the Spider-Woman from the dimension he’d landed in gets stuck in a problem she can’t get out of. Gwen Stacy — she’s young, and she’s on her own, and she’s lost. Miguel is hesitant to let her on. He’s more rude to her than he should be. Snarky, mean. But in the end he lets her come, because what kind of person would he be if he left her there alone?

When he gets back he doesn’t mean to seek you out but finds you anyway. You’re in his office, of all places. He stands in the doorway feeling awful, feeling like you’d hate him for how he treated Gwen today. After a while he clears his throat though he doesn’t have to, you probably already know he’s there, what with your spider-senses and all.

You turn from your seat and smile at him. “You’re back. How did it go?”

Miguel doesn’t smile though he’d like to if he could. You’re the only one who can ever get a smile out of him. “Good. Everything’s taken care of.”

“Heard you picked up a new recruit,” you say with a little lilt to your voice. You’re always excited for new recruits. Quite the opposite of Miguel, really.

Miguel nods. The topic of Gwen makes him feel nauseous. Why did he have to be such a jerk to her? “We did. Gwen Stacy, she’s in the med bay right now.”

Your brow furrows. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Just a little scratched up.”

You nod. “Well, you probably want your office back,” you say softly, gesturing to the desk you’ve been occupying in place of him. “I’ll go.”

You get up and walk past him and Miguel almost lets you go but doesn’t. He calls your name before you make it out the door.

“Y/N?”

His voice comes out more strained than he’d meant it to sound. You don’t say anything but when he turns you’re looking at him with a worry to your pretty features. Miguel figures he must look quite troubled because you actually take a step forwards and put your hand on his forearm, so gentle it’s barely there, but it’s there, and it’s feels like dead weight to Miguel.

“Yeah?”

Miguel bites the bullet and asks the question he’s been asking himself for a long time. “Do you think I’m a good person?”

You blink at him. You’re silent for a beat. Then, “What’s making you ask that?”

Your hand drifts up his forearm and comes to rest at his elbow, your grip tightening ever so slightly. Miguel’s eyelids flutter lazily at your touch.

“I’m short with people,” is all he can manage to say in way of an explanation.

“You’ve got a stressful job,” you say reasonably. “It’s only human.”

“I was short with Gwen,” Miguel explains, finding the longer you touch him, the more he unravels. He stares at a point over your shoulder, “She didn’t deserve it.”

“Oh,” is all you say.

Miguel thinks his heart might drop out of his chest. Maybe it will and then he’ll keel over and die and never have to worry about what you think of him again. Unlikely. He’s never been that lucky.

He doesn’t realise how heavy the silence feels until you break it.

“Miguel? Can you look at me?”

Miguel looks at you. You’re pretty as ever. He’s always thought you were pretty, but now it feels suffocating. Like, if he doesn’t tell you soon, he’ll die.

“You’re not a bad person,” you say. “You’re good. You are. Everyone gets a little impatient sometimes.”

“You don’t,” Miguel says, because you don’t. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard you get angry or upset with someone.

“That is so not true,” you say, shaking your head. “Ask Peter B, the other day I blew up at him for leaving Mayday’s toys all over the place.”

Miguel fights a smile. He can’t imagine you ever ‘blowing up’. “This is different, Y/N. You know what I mean.”

“I do know what you mean,” you say, your hand squeezing ever so slightly at his elbow. “And yeah, you have a short temper sometimes but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. What you’re doing here is good. You’re a good person, Miguel.”

You smile then, like you mean it, and Miguel knows you do. If he’d heard it from anyone else, he wouldn’t have believed them. But from you it feels real. He knows you wouldn’t lie to him, even if it was to make him feel better. You might be kind but you’re not dishonest. Yet another reason why Miguel likes you so much.

“Thank you,” he says. “You’re—“ He stops himself before he can say anything too serious, changes tactics though what he comes up with instead is still very much true. “I value your opinion more than you’d think. It’s important to me.” You’re important to me.

Miguel shifts his arm so he can take your hand in his. It’s bold. It’s unlike him. But it feels nice and your hand is soft in his and he hopes it will say what he can’t. He only holds your hand for a second before dropping it but it feels like an eternity.

“That’s okay,” you say sweetly. “Your opinion is important to me, too.”

Then, and Miguel is familiar with this by now, you get this look on your face like you’re going to make a joke, one that’s bad but will probably make him smile anyway. “If you still feel bad, you can always go and apologise to her,” you say, a cheek to your tone that Miguel adores more than he’d ever admit.

Miguel groans. You both know he’d never stoop that low. He smiles for the first time in what feels like forever.

“Would you do it for me?” He asks in a strained sort of voice, half joking and half serious.

You burst into giggles. Miguel feels his heart soar.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

oizys u should explain mouthwashing game to me alkdfjals;dkfj ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ it sounds neat but too horror-y for me 😭 but i'm getting. idk just like vague hints that you've heard about it or something <3 sooo if u want to then i could hear about it without having to experience it directly 👀

i dont know what would give you the implication ive seen it im so subtle about my enjoyment of it (lying) but yes ill be happy to provide an explanation :)

specifically what im going to do is . copy and paste the Extremely Detailed Run Through of the game that i told blink in a fit of madness, which is pretty much as close as you can get to playing/watching the game Without playing/watching it imltho

and Then since that explanation will still be kinda horror-y and may not be enjoyed by all ill put at the end of it a tl;dr section that's a more str8-forward explanation of the game with minimal horror elements explained in depth

so if u want to read the whole thing Great, if not feel free to speed scroll to the bottom and read there :) if u have any thoughts or follow up questions Please let me know i love being normal about this game

warnings for: blood, gore, mutilation, severe injury, implied assault (general and sexual), death, general Horror and Tension vibes

mouthwashing is a sci-fi horror game, set on the ship 'the tulpar' with its 5 crew members. there's curly, the captain jimmy, the co-pilot, second-in-command anya, the ship's nurse swansea, the ship's mechanic and daisuke, swansea's intern curly and jimmy are old friends, anya's about their age, swansea's an older man with a family back on earth, and daisuke is a teen/twenties smth who doesnt really know what he's doing with his life

when the game Opens u are told it's '0 days until the crash' and u get to have fun playing as a not-immediately-identified character who's running their ship into an asteroid following that scene you switch to '2 months after the crash' where you're playing as jimmy, with most of the rest of the crew sitting at a table with u and talking about whether or not to open up your cargo hold- as a delivery ship, it's against regulations, but you're stuck in the middle of space, the only thing protecting you from death in the vacuum being piles of emergency foam, and if there's food or medical supplies in there, you need them if youve any chance to survive

you learn in short order that the missing crew member- curly, your former captain now that jimmy's taken over that responsibility- was missing bc he's been in the medical ward for 2 months, devoid of his hands, feet, skin, and one eye. he was in the cockpit when the ship crashed, and it shows. if youve seen the fucked up bandaged guy assoiated with the game, surprise! that's post-crash curly

u get to Have Fun feeding him pain meds after anya asks for your help, saying she cant do it herself. this game has Wonderful sound design so. well. no one's having fun

jimmy then gets to go find a way into the cargo hold, along the way learning that the utility room is foamed up to hells and swansea isnt letting anyone else in there for the time being- the ship's cyro pods live in there, and theyre delicate, so he doesnt trust anyone else to break through the foam without a) killing them b) destroying the pods

once u break into the cargo hold, u see shelves upon shelves of cardboard boxes before the game switches gears to flash u back to 7 days before the crash

u learn ur now playing as curly, who's finishing up a psych eval with anya. he passes, huzzah! and offers to do jimmy's for anya when she mentions that he never takes it seriously, making stupid jokes that she then has to write down for the official report

before doing so, however, curly finds that daisuke has trapped himself in some foam trying to fix a utility vent that leads between the utility room and the medical room. curly gets the axe out for swansea to free daisuke with + clear the rest of the foam. luckily, no one is injured, and the pods (right next to the vent) weren't broken. swansea makes it clear that no one, especially daisuke, is to go back into that vent. it's too fucked up, it can't be fixed, you'll be cut and burned and shocked to death trying

curly takes note before leaving to do the eval with jimmy, with it going over more-normal since curly is doing it instead of anya. they then talk about their respective life positions- jimmy feels he's never going to be good enough, that he's never really gotten anywhere meaningful, and curly is torn between staying in his role as a great ship captain or trying to see if he'd be better off somewhere else, if being a captain is really what he wants to do forever

jimmy makes a comment about how curly's choosing between staying at the top of his current ladder or switching for another, but he's still got 'a long way down/to fall' either way

theyre cut off when a message from the higher ups comes in, and jimmy leaves so curly can read it privately

back to 2 months after the crash, the crew reveals what theyve been shipping: mouthwash. boxes upon boxes of mouthwash. one of them makes a comment about how this is what they wanted us crating across the stars? only mouthwash? anya notes that the mouthwash has too much sugar to be used as a disinfectant, and points out the 14% ethanol content. swansea takes this as a good sign to take a swig of the stuff to Swallow, making a comment about 15 years of sobriety down the drain

we return to 7 days before the crash, where curly has read the message from the higher ups and it is Not Good. he goes to tell the crew, only to have them all greet him with hats and balloons- surprise! happy birthday, curly

they only get one birthday celebration per trip, and they take turns each trip with whose bday they focus on, and this time it's curly. jimmy comments on how the tradition is corny, but he's kinda grown to like it, and he looks forward to the next one. curly reacts oddly before he goes to make the cake; he has to be the one to do it, bc only the captain has the rights to make sugar packets

the crew ask him to do a speech, but as he puts the cake down, they realize something's wrong. they ask what, and curly reveals the news of the note- the 'pony express' they work for is pulling the plug on them. this mouthwash expedition will be their last one- they will get paid for it, curly says, they assured me the crew

doesnt exactly take the news well

swansea said they shouldve seen it coming, pony express was the last organization to run manned delivery ships, the writing was on the wall. anya expresses that she doesnt know what to do- she doesnt have any savings. daisuke asks if they can even do this

jimmy gets more into it, pointing out Specifically how fucked they are- swansea's hardly got that many more working years in him, anya never finished nursing school and hey we all know she never will, but, yknow what, daisuke's got a rich mommy and daddy, so thank gods he'll be just fine. jimmy's got nothing waiting for him on earth, but whatever, i'll be fine, isnt that what you said, curly? that im always fine? down here on the bottom of the rungs? and of course, for curly, this is the best possible outcome! a chance to leave being a captain with none of the guilt of the choice. he wasnt even running from being a captain, just from being around them, but he has to be hero. he's always the hero. and now he's still the damn hero

curly tries to calm jimmy, jimmy slams his hands on the table, and tells him to just cut the goddamn cake

curly does so. it looks more like a stabbing motion

back to post-crash, it's the middle of the night. daisuke's asleep, anya + swansea are missing, and curly's scream-groans are echoing through the ship

jimmy goes to check on curly, finds him flailing. he needs more painkillers, but jimmy's not sure if he's had his set for the day cycle yet, so he goes to find anya. both her and swansea are found in the cockpit, talking about something. anya's not sure what to do. they cut off when jimmy appears, ask him if he's having trouble sleeping too

jimmy asks about the meds, anya says she forgot to do it. jimmy berates her for it before saying he'll take care of it- anya tries to insist she can, but jimmy ignores her to do it himself

curly flails more, pained, screaming, but he gets the meds, jimmy sees to that. theyre running low. once theyre out, jimmy muses, they wont have anything to give curly for the pain, to keep him still

still jimmy, we now enter a This Isnt Reality moment

jimmy's in the main area, the screen that simulates a sky cracked and flashing EMERGENCY on it. at the table is curly, in all his bloody bandage glory. the cake's between him and jimmy. curly- who can talk here, who cant talk in real life anymore- wants to eat the cake. jimmy says it's shitty, subpar, not worth it. curly argues that u need meh things to make the good things Good. he asks jimmy to cut it, and jimmy says he will once he finds a knife

the cake knife is in the broken cockpit, buried in the back of the captain's headrest. jimmy comes back and finds the cake is gone, now curly's on the table instead. the game glitches and cuts to 3 months post-crash before you cut anything

jimmy's in the cargo hold. the place's been lightly ransacked, some boxes open, spilling off the shelves. you need to check on the crew

daisuke's on the floor right outside the hold, sick with a mouthwash in hand. he's drunk some. jimmy says he should stop, it'll kill him-

-faster than anything, daisuke finishes. he gives the mouthwash to jimmy. he never wants to see it again

anya's at the table in the main area, staring at an unopened bottle. there's a backup medical storage area, trapped in the foam, but not That trapped. she thinks they can get to it. they need more medicine

jimmy goes to get the axe from swansea. he's wasted on mouthwash (side note, this crew's ability to survive things that usually kill over the longterm is oddly high. no offense curly and swansea, but you both should be dead well before the end of this affair) and dancing with the axe in hand

jimmy wants it? wants to risk cracking a hole in their ship's emergency foam and killing them all? be his guest- swansea buries the axe in the sky screen behind him, right in the center of the fake sun, and lets jimmy take it away

he gets to the medicine. painkillers- different type, different dose- and medicinal rubbing alcohol (pure alcohol, the inventory tells you, so strong that it could kill)

anya asks him to give the pills to curly again. jimmy breaks again, yelling at anya- can she not do her job?? doesnt she know how busy he is as captain, how much he has to do?? find the scanner, get into the cargo hold, check on the crew, get the axe, and of course, give curly his fucking pills. anya backpedals, says she can do it- but no. jimmy's been asked, jimmy's got it. he'll give curly his fucking pills (the swear is in the mission objective now!)

i get it now, jimmy tells a pained curly, about wanting to get out. being captain's hard. you have to do everything. but don't worry curly. jimmy's going to get them all through this. he's going to fix this. he gives curly his fucking medicine

we now cut to 6 hours before "judgement". jimmy's locked himself in the cockpit- outside, swansea is yelling for him, telling him he cant hide, shaking the door. jimmy rushes to the supply cabinet, finds a broken metal pipe and some rope, these can be useful

he shoves the metal pipe into the door, trying to reinforce the lock. he grabs the rope and swansea breaks through the door's window, reaching through the broken glass for the lock

3 days before the crash, anya's sitting in the main area, looking at the simulated sky. it's set for night, deep blue and silver moon. curly sits next to her. neither of them can sleep, anya says she's been having trouble for a few nights now

there's a dead pixel in the top corner, anya tells curly, if you look closely enough curly cant see it, but he says it'll haunt him. now that you've told me, anya, it'll always be in the back of my mind anya asks how much longer they have to the trip. 273 days, curly responds, just under- -8 months, anya finishes. sits for another moment. captain, why do they have a lock on the door for the medical room, but not the sleeping quarters? same reason they do the cockpit, curly replies. safety the screen glitches out on the word

post crash, 5 months. there's an emergency, daisuke tells us- anya's locked in the medical room with curly

jimmy and daisuke go to investigate, try to force the door open. jimmy asks how hard anya's tried to unstick it on her end, has she put her back into it? she's silent. jimmy asks if the door is really stuck. it isnt, she admits, and she isnt going to unlock it

jimmy says she needs to get over herself, that she needs to learn to deal with hardship. all their meds are in there. she needs to open the door

anya says that she still believes people arent as bad as their worst moment (an earlier conversation, back when we were only 2 months post crash, when jimmy was musing on why they chose to keep curly alive despite the cost, despite 'what he did'). that she believes this isnt her worst moment. they wont stop her from what she must do

jimmy, worried about curly, asks daisuke if there's any other way into the medical room. there is. it's the super duper completely off limits vent that starts in the also currently off limits utility room

to get in the utility room, they need to get past swansea. he's got the key and he's still not letting anyone in, looking miserable and ill as he sits outside the utility room door. he's not dead yet, but the mouthwash isnt exactly doing him any favours

8 hours before judgement. daisuke's on his bedroll, bloody and in agony. they need disinfectant- where's the medicinal alcohol? swansea asks (demands) jimmy tells him cocktail, and swansea curses, tells him to go look for something else. swansea goes to the medical room, door now open. you can't see the area where curly is, cant find anya; the screen glitches out in grey stripes you go the cargo hold. the stairs leading down into them are longer, longer than you remember, too long. take responsibility, take care of it. there's a monster in the cargo, and if you move when it's too close it'll get you

you find a bottle of mouthwash, not yet opened, in the hands of the ship's horse mascot polle

you take it back to daisuke. he tells you he's sorry he messed up, you tell him not to speak

it's too much sugar. you have nothing else you close your eyes and daisuke screams

5 months after the crash. you need to get past swansea. he's got a high tolerance, but it can only be so high, right? you mix a cocktail, one part mouthwash, one part medical alcohol (so strong it could kill)

swansea accepts the 'peace offering.' he hits the ground and the key falls out of his pocket. daisuke worries, will he be ok? it's fine. he has a high tolerance

you open the utility room and find that it's not filled to the brim with foam. the edges are, sure, and most of the cyro pods are ruined, but it's clear overall. there's still one pod standing

daisuke's impressed. swansea's done more work than we thought! jimmy argues he hasn't done any work, he's been lying through his teeth the entire time, hiding the remaining cyro pod as his own secret and excuse to keep welding the axe. only one of them can survive, and swansea's setting it up to be him

daisuke isnt convinced, says they should wait to ask swansea about it. jimmy says theyll deal with him later. for now- the vent

it's still a danger, electricity sparking from a loose wire. daisuke's not convinced this is a good idea. sure, swansea may have been lying about the utility room being foamed out, but he was really serious about this vent. maybe they shouldnt go in

jimmy reminds him this is there only way in, to anya, to curly. daisuke has to go in- he'll be fine, and then, swansea will be so proud of him. he'll have done so well. he'll have done good.... under captain's orders

daisuke folds. he's going to do it. he climbs into the vent. you listen to him clunk through, shuffle over the metal- a pained sound, a groan, and then he's into the medical room. oh, anya, what did you do?

it's 1 day before the crash now. your objective is to find the gun

it's not in the medical room, not in the main area. you go to the cockpit, where it should be, and find anya, kneeling on the floor, distraught. as the nurse, she gave all the psych evals, but no one gave her one. you shouldve. you should have done a lot of things

you'll take care of this, you promise her, you'll get this all figured out. it doesnt have to go on the report logs. where's the gun?

anya tells curly she's pregnant. he asks who.

captain, anya says, i told you.

curly asks for the gun again, says he'll talk to him, he's known him a long time, but he needs the gun back

she reminds him that only the captain can open the case, that she doesnt really have the gun, just the case holding it, hidden away. the bylaws wont let you arm her with it against him, but she wont let it fall into his hands

6 hours before judgement. jimmy cant get daisuke's bleeding to stop. swansea's kneeling next to the kid. he's got the axe again

he talks to daisuke, for a bit. about how he hadnt been able to do anything right, about how swansea didnt know why he had come to the ship in the first place. about how he was just a kid trying to figure everything out. about how he was still always Trying. always wanting to Learn. useless ray of goddamn sunshine. you couldve taught an old fool like me a lot. close your eyes, daisuke

swansea raises his axe and strikes the center of the sun

jimmy starts arguing with swansea, angry, why'd he do that? didnt he see jimmy was fixing it, that he just needed time? why will no one on this damn ship give him any time?

swansea says he's done with jimmy's trying to 'fix' everything, that there was no more hope for any of them, that he was sparing daisuke from spending another second with jimmy and his delusions

jimmy accuses swansea of less selfless motivations, tells him that he knows about the utility room, the one remaining cyro pod- swansea's planning to try and be the last one standing, isnt he? 20 years in a cyro chamber is a better chance than the months theyve got on the ship before food runs out

swansea laughs at him. he doesnt want the cyro chamber. he's got everything he needs right there on the ship. does jimmy want it? he's welcome to it - he can tell whatever story he wants when the rescue crews finally find him. he can be the hero. curly and the rest of them'll take the blame. jimmy can be the hero

jimmy brushes him off, goes to the medical room. anya's on the floor, vomit on her chest and three bottles scattered around her slumped over form. curly, still alive, watches you with one eye as you pry open her hidden drawer and find the gun case. you can open it. you're captain now

you go to the medical door. open it up to find swansea running at you, full tilt, axe raised over his head. you slam the door shut

curly laughs at you. as you open the case, get the gun, find swansea running at you. bloody hunk of meat and he's laugh-crying at you

0 days before the crash. anya's in the medical room, on her knees. she told jimmy. curly says he wishes she wouldve waited for him. it doesnt matter. jimmy didnt take the news well, stormed off. curly goes to follow him. he can fix this. he'll fix this

jimmy's outside the utility room. i can fix this, curly tells him. you'll get through this

it's not just me though, is it? jimmy points out. it's your ship, captain. your responsibility (take responsibility, take care of it). that'll follow you around for the rest of your life

or they'll just see it as your best attempt. a tragedy, despite its impeccable captain's supposed best efforts. no survivors to tell the tale

for a moment, the first moment, you cut out of both jimmy and curly's bodies. you watch jimmy put his hand on curly's arm. take care of it, take care of it, take care of it, kills 99.9%-

jimmy says he'll take care of it, and he walks away

moments later, the ship is crashing, jimmy sitting outside of the cockpit. tell me you didn't-? no response. you pry open the doors to the cockpit, rush in headfirst. you'll fix it. you will fix it, even as fire consumes your vision

1 hour before judgement. you've got curly in your arms now. you walk him out to the main area- surprise! happy birthday jimmy

the crew's seated at the table again; anya with her vomit-covered chest, daisuke with a bloody line through his face, swansea with a bullet through his forehead. jimmy places curly on the table. theyre all celebrating him, begging him for a speech. you pick up the knife

for some people, it's enough just to put food on the table. but not for curly. he needs more. you've always needed more, curly, but that's alright. i still believe in you. even like this

a view from above shows the crew slumped over and unmoving. a view from jimmy's eyes show them sitting up, breathing, smiling. swansea's drinking more mouthwash

you cut through the cake with a stabbing motion, a sawing motion, dropping a slab on each member's plate. the cake sits. curly stares. both his legs are shorter than they were before the crash, but one even more so now. feast

you're in the vents now. take responsibility. there's no going back now. you turn around and something- a face- in the darkness- you're facing the vent again. there's no going back now

you crawl, backwards, through the vents. a bloody note reads responsibility and you crawl from it the fastest. axes line the vents. now flowers, hibiscuses, bright pink like the one's on daisuke's shirt

you tie up swansea. you can still fix this, you tell him. you'll fix this

swansea tells a story. how he used to be a drunkard, always down the bottle, until one day he looked in the mirror and scared himself, saw a bloated body in a ditch if he didnt straighten out. he got sober, got a job, a mortgage, a collared shirt. a wife, kids. none of his achievements ever felt as good as he wanted them too. those days, lost to the bottle, living on the edge- they were some of the best he ever had

if i couldve done one thing right, he tells you, i wouldve saved that kid. that would have been worth it. that would have meant something

jimmy says he can fix this. swansea tells him to fuck off. jimmy fires his gun

you walk through the endless halls of the ship. the walls are sporting eyes, and all of them are watching you. curly's eye, eyes. watching you. you crawl out of his throat and find him where you bolted him into the ship, half machine, surrounded by tvs

you go to the tv, watch a cartoon. it's mother goose's birthday. you grab the cake and pull out a slice of curly's leg. he'll thank you one day. you twist the knobs until the cake goes down a treat, until he can't spit it back up. he'll thank you one day

there's flesh in the ship and it's beating, bleating, horses like fetuses in the warmth. the blob blinks filmy eyes out at you and screams

polle's talking to you now. backdrop of the cargo hold. backdrop of the skyscreen, set to night. poor you, polle coos in false sympathy, caged and unbelieved

i tried my best! jimmy argues, me and curly both did. but curly's the better man

why are you still so concerned with him?

jimmy carries curly to the utility room. puts him in the pod. closes the door

we're curly again, watching our old friend through the glass

i wanted to help you, but all i did was hurt you. but you're safe now. no one can harm you now. together we can fix anything, right? we fixed it. i.... i fixed it

jimmy walks out of sight. you hear a gunshot. a moment of panic, blind- did he forget? did he leave you here, trapped, alone-

and the cyro kicks in, blue and cool, as the credits roll through your vision

TL;DR RECAPPING

mouthwashing is about a cargo ship crew stuck in space after their ship was purposefully crashed by one of their own. you take turns playing the game 'before the crash' as curly, the official captain, and playing 'after the crash' as jimmy, the co-pilot and unofficial captain once curly is severely injured by the crash. other characters are anya, the ship's nurse, swansea, the ship's mechanic, daisuke, swansea's intern, and polle, the ship's mascot who is only alive in some nightmares

throughout the game you learn that, while he's convinced the others it was curly, jimmy crashed the ship in a fit of desperation after learning that anya- whom he assaulted- was pregnant. the child was evidence he wouldnt be able to hide when they reached their destination, so... why not crash the ship and doom everyone!

the game gets its name from the fact that the only thing the crew was hauling turns out to be mouthwashing, which swansea uses to get drunk, but otherwise isnt very helpful. many good symbolic/metaphorical implications contained in it though!

by the end of the game, all characters end up dead, save for curly. anya commits suicide with pills, swansea mercy kills daisuke after jimmy goaded him into doing something stupid that got him seriously injured, swansea gets shot when going after jimmy, and jimmy kills himself with gunshot after putting curly in a cyropod. it's possible curly wont survive too, but he's the only crew member with a chance at it

the game has Many themes and concepts and such but some of the most important to take away are:

responsibility and complicity. jimmy and curly are the two player characters for a reason; they're parallels to each other. jimmy is the primary/direct cause for most of what goes wrong, but he wouldn't have been able to do everything he did if curly had done his job and stopped him. curly's complicity in jimmy's crimes are what ultimately doom himself and the entire ship. jimmy does everything, curly does nothing, and they are both to blame

the rampant effects of misogyny, in the workplace and general, and how even in issues that are All about them, women are often excluded from their own narratives. mouthwashing is driven by the injustice anya faces at both jimmy and curly's hands, in how jimmy treats her and in how curly refuses to see what jimmy's done because He's An Old Friend, He Wouldn't Do That, Right? yet, despite this, anya is often strikingly absent from the story, especially in jimmy's hallucinations. he's willing to accept the blame, the responsibility for everything... but not anya. he begs forgiveness for wronging curly, but he never even thinks of it for anya. in a story so largely controlled by the mistreatment she faces and everything she tries to do to combat it, anya is constantly sidelined. this is purposeful. this is unreliable narrator at their finest

turning the blind eye eventually comes back to hurt everyone, especially the ones who looked away the hardest. curly does nothing to help anya, only to end up in a position where he's the one entirely at jimmy's violent mercy. see the previously mentioned points

and there is So Much More but those are some base points u can carry away with u whether u read the full debrief or just the tldr :) hope you enjoyed . i am mentally well (lying)

[teddy-feathers]

so. i realized on the way home today that

a) i dont want to die. or i do but like thats definitely not me talking anymore thats the brain goblins. like id be sad to leave behind my friends. so as much as i say 'i wanna die' when im upset, and as much as that emotion is present i dont actually wanna die anymore. like. id be sad if i died just as much as id be relieved.

b) i never feel like enough because the only time im doing anything "right" is when im following a step by step guide laid out for me and i hate that its like playing a video game where the possibilities are pretty full but only playing a build someone else designed and then playing the rest of the game exactly how youre told to like do i need to be here for this?

c) i didnt take my pills this weekend or monday and Tuesday while i was sick or wednesday because i hadnt been taking them the previous days and despite having taken them the last two days i am emotional as fuck.

tuesday i went to a doctor and found out ive gained.... 10lbs in a month and im pretty close to breaking the 200 mark. which is because of my meds. so i need to contact my shrink and say "exercising and eating right aint uh working out for me the way i hoped can we try new meds"

because as much as i want to be chill about it it bothers me so much. like if it was all in my gut like itd be if i were on t id probably give less shits but where its at now its bothering me. and if i break the 200 make i know its going to be so much harder to come down from.

and new meds are scary because i know these ones work because i always know when i havent been taking them. i get the sads. new ones may not work and we'll have to adjust the dosage.

and if i tell my aunt shell throw a fit because how dare my shrink lower my dosage just because i called her and told her i was having a problem with how it was affecting me. and now she wants to put me on different meds? without doing a brain scan?

like frankly my dear i dont give a damn. this woman had done more for making me not dead in the last idk how long ive been seeing her to be honest then my aunt has since before 2012.

idk. im tired. and emotional.

[queenlucythevaliant]

Six things I wish you knew about chronic migraine

(By a person who’s lived with the condition for the last eight + years)

While it’s true that migraine is more common than you think (something like one in five women, one in twenty men), it’s also true that there are lots of different kinds of migraine. Optical migraine (“aura”), vestibular migraine (vertigo), and abdominal migraine (lots of nausea and vomiting) can and do frequently coexist, but only a fraction of the people who get “migraine” experience all three all the time. Complex migraine has symptoms similar to both a seizure and a stroke, frequently in addition to some/all of the aforementioned. A person with chronic complex migraine (like me) and a more normal person who gets an acute migraine every month or so (like my mom) might as well have two entirely different conditions.

Corollary to the above: migraine advocacy needs to cover both breadth and depth of sufferers. Naturally, resources and up-to-date research ought to be available to anyone who experiences migraine symptoms, but there also needs to be acknowledgment that even some people for whom the condition is technically “chronic” (eight days a month) might have it relatively easy in the scheme of things. I often tell people that I have a seizure condition (closely related to migraine) in order to be taken seriously in lieu of a thirty minute lecture. 

Migraine is under-researched and poorly understood. I have one of the most expert migraine neurologists in the US and yet frequently, when I ask him questions that seem like they should have simple answers, his response is “good question.” Lots of meds/treatments are new and experimental and thus not covered by insurance. There is a LOT of migraine-related misinformation in the milieu. I cannot overstate this. Immense truckloads of misinformation. It’s incredible. Take anything a non-neurologist tells you about migraine critically.

You would be astonished by how many needles and hospital visits severe chronic migraine entails. There are periods where I’ve had to get painful injections 3x daily and had hospital visits every other week. IV steroid infusions are also a pretty common occurrence and they suuuuuuck.

Most people who get migraine take either OTC drugs or Imitrex/Sumatriptan pills, and if a person gets any kind of nausea/vomiting with migraine, this is pretty much insane. The body can process migraine like a physical trauma and as a result the stomach stops working (gastric stasis). As a result, if you take a pill after an episode has already begun, it won’t actually get digested until the migraine is basically over already. Injectables are much better if you can get them and it’s absolutely crazy to me that most doctors don’t prescribe them across the board. Doctors have known about the gastric stasis thing for decades now and it really ought to be common knowledge.

 Not specific to migraine, but the longer you suffer with chronic pain the more sensitive your body becomes (barring improvements in treatment). This is kind of counterintuitive- you’d expect to get used to the pain over long exposure, but actually your nerves get hyper-attuned to it. This goes double if you have any kind of allodynia. If you have long-term chronic pain—you’re not going crazy if you think something/everything hurts more now than it used to.

[breastcancerdiaries]

I haven't been keeping up with this diary because I found I don't really need it as much, but here's my experience with IVF. I hope it helps somebody.

IVF is an option they usually offer younger cancer patients because chemo has a 10% - 20% chance of rendering you infertile.

I chose to do it because even though I wasn't sure if I wanted kids or not, I still wanted the decision.

Usually during your period, you'll have one egg that matures and releases. During IVF, they give you hormones to stimulate growth in more eggs so they can collect them.

For the first 4 days, I injected myself at home with Gonal-F. If you're needlephobic like me, use numbing cream. It helps a lot. I had to inject myself twice the first time I used it because I didn't feel it so I didn't know if I was doing it right.

For the next 4 days, I injected myself with Gonal-F, which was a little needle and it was okay, and Cetrotide so I wouldn't ovulate. This was a big needle and scary so I asked a friend to help. It was better with the numbing cream.

I also needed to take letrozole to control my estrogen levels because I have hormone positive cancer. I think people who don't have cancer don't take this but it varies I guess? I'm not sure.

IVF cycles can be anywhere between 8 days to 14 days depending on where you are at in your cycle. If you're already ovulating, they may need to artificially induce a period because you've only produced one egg at that point and then it'll prolong your IVF cycle time.

I was lucky I had short cycles and had just come off my period, so I only did 8 days.

Then 36 hours before I was scheduled for my surgery, I took my trigger shot. It's 3 needles, and two of them are dull so I bled a lot and the funny part is that we accidentally injected it on the side of my stomach without numbing cream so it hurt extra bad lol. It was funny because I straight up raw dogged it for my last shot, completely forgetting which side the numbing cream was on. But I got through it, and if a baby like me can get through it, so can you.

I also started pre-emptively taking anti-biotics they prescribed.

The day of my surgery, the nurses and staff were really nice. I got dressed in a hospital gown, taken to a room, hooked up to an IV with saline (no eating or drinking after midnight the day before so you're kind of dehydrated so they want to put some fluids in you). If you're at risk for a blood clot, they inject you with a blood thinner which hurt like a BITCH (they have a system they score you on and I was right on the cusp goddamnit). I sat in the chair for a bit while they prepped everything and they gave me a warm blankie. Then when it was all set up, they wheeled me to the operating room and gave me meds for pain management and anxiety.

I fell asleep instantly, and when I woke up it was all over. I had already taken painkillers that morning because I had port surgery the day before and when I woke up, that hurt like a bitch.

They gave me some cookies that were probably the best things I've ever had, although that's probably the anaesthesia talking, but it was still really good.

I got picked up by a caretaker (friend's mom who I hired to be my caretaker because I don't have family and she could use the money), dropped off at home and was fine. Took a painkiller every 6 hours because I was cramping a bit. I was up and doing chores even, I did the dishes and I made myself pulled pork sandwiches for dinner. You bleed a little bit, but it's just a very small amount, kind of like the last day or so of your period, so wear a pad (not a tampon, those things are toxic, I saw the news yesterday, they have heavy metals in them). But overall it doesn't really hurt. I had 13 eggs collected but only 8 were mature and frozen. Pretty normal, although I wish more eggs had been mature. But something is something.

And that's it.

A couple things that stood out to me is that one of the nurses that treated me had childhood cancer. She was 5 when she got it and she's cancer-free and 44. So that gives me a lot of hope.

Everybody was really nice throughout this process. I'm grateful for the doctors, the nurses, everybody. I'm grateful for my friend who injected me. I'm proud of myself for injecting myself solo for the first couple days, I'm stronger than I think I am.

If you're going through this process and you're scared, I believe in you. You're stronger than you think you are. I would cry in the shower everyday and kick and scream and straight up not want this. But I got through it. And you will too. And your future self will thank you for it.

[digiblueslush]

Here’s a yap lolz. I initially started with a “haha Phil’s medical anxiety is rubbing off on me” but I know that’s not the case and this has nothing to do with either of them lolz, but here’s me just yapping about worries about health issues and such

I’m having pretty severe medical issues at the moment (I literally haven’t been able to walk properly for a month and I’ve had extreme joint pain and cluster headaches every day) but this past week I’ve realized my intake situation has been absolutely awful. (Context I had an ED for 3 years, which I’m completely recovered from but obviously it can cause life long medical issues, and I also have Graves’ disease which I usually take medication for but I was told to stop taking it a few weeks ago since my levels weird)

Like ok, first Ive been having a lot of pain in my jaw when I chew, to the point where I can’t take more then 5 or 6 bites of a meal or snack or whatever without taking 5-10 minutes in between because my jaw will be in so much pain (mostly in my upper jaw but overall just ouch) and second since stopping my thyroid meds I’ve had a really low appetite which is VERY unusual for me, and when I do get hungry I can only eat like a third of a meal before I get super nauseous and full, and I’ve literally only taken like a singular shit this week (which I know TMI or whatever but this is tumblr, and I usually shit everyday so it’s very odd) but now I’m like convinced I have gastroparesis even though I have no significant evidence of it. I am so cooked lolz. And it sucks that despite having no direct evidence it’s still a possibility, the best guess for my walking issues is a neurological thing, and nerve issues can cause it, hyperthyroidism can cause it, and I’m already at risk of it cuz of my eating history so it’s just like aaaaaa

It sucks having all of these issues with no answers cuz I do already have my fair share of issues, but 90% of the time they were either easy fixes or things I’d at least have a diagnosis/a somewhat idea for and know how to handle them, but with this it’s been like, nothing is helping, all of my scans and labs are normal, and nobody is doing anything about it’s just like what am I supposed to do besides assume things yk?

[winterswhite]

Personal rant, CW for talks of blood and medical stuff

The past 5 days have really been so much for me and it... seriously doesn't feel like only 5 days at all with how much has gone on

On Wednesday evening I got home from work feeling extremely weak after telling my QPP repeatedly that I don't feel good, and after I was no longer able to hold my head up or open my eyes without extreme effort my roommate took me to the emergency room where we waited 9ish hours for me to even be taken to a bed and then one or two more to be seen

When they did get there, they said they needed to take blood, give me an IV, do chest x-rays, and a few other tests (I think they tested me for a stroke too) because clearly a lot was wrong

The nurse tried to put the IV in my left arm and then my hand, failing both times because she couldn't find a vein. She then called over a second nurse, who said since I had already been poked twice, she wasn't going to poke me unless she was sure she had one

She left without poking me.

She called over a doctor to come with a whole ass ultrasound setup to use that to find a vein, and they only found a suitable one in my upper right arm, meaning I had to hold it up at an uncomfortable angle the entire time and because of where it was, it also hurt the entire time (only a little, but still)

They also interrupted it in the middle to take more blood ("well that can't be good")

Also, while they were putting the IV in, I remember them struggling to reach the vein, and the pain from them wiggling it around trying to reach my difficult ass vein, and then hearing "how attached are you to this sweatshirt?"

I had... bled all over it (fortunately they stopped the bleeding pretty fast, very different from my last experience with an IV where I nearly bled out on the hospital floor)

Anyway, after wanting to cry from how uncomfortable the whole experience was but eventually managing to sleep through the last half hour of it, they told me about my bloodwork, and a lot is wrong! Some of the things that have always been wrong with me, and some new things, like low thyroid and low potassium, low sodium etc

They scheduled me for a follow-up appointment in a week and I leave, it is now Thursday morning

I picked up the meds they prescribed me and got home around noon, exhausted from not having slept all night, and napped

Only to wake up to a terrible toothache out nowhere, that at its worst was so bad I couldn't lift a finger

I ran to the dentist but they were closing by the time I got there and told me to come back the next morning

I did, and they said I need an emergency root canal, but that it would be hard to find any endodontists who take my insurance, which... yeah, it proved to be impossible

So now, today, I'm scheduled for the root canal, and I have to pay for the whole $1500 out of pocket

Which I haven't reached, but... I'll have to see what I can manage now

Also, through all of this, my workplace is telling me it's "unacceptable" not to show up to work because they're short-staffed. As if I wasn't stuck in the fucking hospital. I worried about getting fired, because I need that money to pay for the fucking root canal and I hadn't even received my first paycheck, so I went in to work yesterday, but wasn't able to finish a full day of work because I felt like Shit

They still told me they need a doctor's note specifically stating that I can't work for x number of days (even though I gave them my emergency room discharge papers to prove I was unwell) before they could believe that I was actually not feeling well enough to work

So I guess I'm going to ask the fucking endodontist for one

And this cuts into my funds for my trip to take the JLPT and some other things in June, which I also really need so I can get a better job. It is absolutely necessary that I take this trip, but I'll no longer have the money for it yet, and travel costs only go up as you get closer to the date of, so lol.

Anyway. It has not even been 5 full days since I first went to the ER. I need a fucking break.

[onlyjellyillputinmybelly]

So... you commented that you're studying biomedical engineering on a hermitcraft post

Do you like it? Is it a good major?

I am a BME major! Its a bit of a long story cuz im currently finishing my freshman year and ive only been bme for one semester (started as environmental studies but got too bored). Its pretty damn hard but I really like it!

Ive taken statics (physics but nothing moves), all my calculuses (hell but at least im done with them), and computing (coding in matlab).

Ive really loved statics. Its mostly an engineering class without buch bio or medical but I knew id chosen the right major when my prof said like 2 sentences about how what we were learning related to bone fractures and i fully started vibrating lmao. Our final project was building a truss and seeing how much load it could carry which was a really cool hands on project and it was rly good for familiarizing me with the makerspace at my school

I birthed her^^^^

Computing has been pretty hard for me because my brain was very much not build for coding, but im doing surprisingly well in the class all things considered. I think its the only comp sci esque class i have to take, and it might not be a major rec at ur school so who knows.

I know that my schedule next year is going to HURT. Because i did t take chem or physics this year I have to figure out how to stack those on top of the normal sophomore classes. I think I'm gonna be ok with it though, because the majority of my course hours for next year are labs, so my schedule looks way more packed than it actually is.

i chose the major because I was missing science in my first semester. I was thinking of going into biology because i really liked AP bio, but i didnt want to go pre-med. Then my mom asked what i was going to do with bio and i had no idea. Then i realized BME would be a pretty much perfect major for me because it's really fluid. I mean you can literally go into bio, medicine, or literally any engineering field.

in the last semester ive found so many resources and opportunities that my school offers for bme and its been just rly fun to get closer w other people in my major.

If i had to give you one piece of advice, it would be to start freshman year as an engineering major if you are interested in that. It is WAY easier to switch out if engineering than to switch into it, and if you dont like it first semester you can change majors and have most of your core credits done already. BME is sick as hell and its crazy how many people major in it. My orthopedic surgeon thats gonna fix my hip was a BME major. My old pediatrician was a BME major. People who work for oil corps were BME majors (please dont work for oil corps). You can literally go into any field with this shit its great.

Ik this is long but im having such a good time with this major and if you have any more questions or want to hear more about any of the classes ive taken please lmk!! College is a bitch and the more you can learn about it beforehand the easier it is to figure out so literally if anyone seeing this wants to know more hmu

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

And now the guide for Ed's surgery day! When I've written Ed's top surgery before, this is where I made the most mistakes and left out the most detail, so I hope this will be a very useful resource!

Once Ed gets to the hospital for his surgery time, he'll be given his hospital bracelet and Stede will be able to go back with him to a surgery waiting room. At my hospital, my mom was given a special registration number for me, and there was a big screen in the waiting room with everyone's numbers that updated with everyone's status: getting registered, preparing for surgery, in surgery, all done!, and waking up.

Ed will be taken back to a pre-op room, where the nurse will ask lots of questions confirming what he's there for and getting a medical history. He'll be asked to change into a gown and he'll have to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test, which is a legal requirement for anyone who still has an F on their ID (my nurse was super apologetic about this).

His vitals will be read - this might be nerve-wracking! I was super nervous about my surgery being canceled for whatever reason, so my blood pressure and pulse were both elevated. This might be a good point if you want angst, but as long as Ed's not having any chest pains and it's not WAY high, he'll be fine and his surgery won't be affected.

He'll be started on an IV pretty quickly. Because he'll have been told not to drink water after midnight the night before, and especially if his surgery is later in the morning, he'll probably be dehydrated, which can make finding a vein much more difficult. He might be able to get his IV in his arm, but many people need theirs in their hands. I did, and it's a bit more painful than in the arm.

After his IV is in, Stede will be able to come back and sit with him before his surgery! He can probably expect to wait for a few hours here. My arrival time was 10 am and my surgery started at about 12:15. His anasthesia doctor will come in to talk to him, get a consent signature, and answer any questions he may have. He'll be warned that he might have a really sore throat for a few days. Then his surgeon will come in to mark up his chest and answer any last-minute questions.

When he's ready to go, he'll get to say goodbye to Stede before he's wheeled back. The nurses will promise to call Stede with updates and he'll be able to watch the screen in the waiting room to keep tabs on where Ed's at in the process.

Ed will be given a medication in his IV to help him calm down, and he'll notice his reaction time getting slow and fuzzy as he's rolled to the operating room. He'll probably have to shift himself over to the operating table. He'll get an oxygen mask as his team adjusts him on the table, and he'll hear his anesthesia doctor tell him they're starting the drug to put him to sleep. I remember wondering when it would take effect, and the next thing I remember is being awake in recovery!

In my experience, it was the same sort of grogginess after a very long nap. I felt a bit dizzy and nauseous, but nothing terrible. I know my nurse asked me basic questions to make sure I was alert and okay, like my name and the date, but I don't remember answering them. I know I just kept thanking him - I remember going "thank you - have I said that a lot?" and he was all "yeah, but it's okay, just means you're nice :)" It's completely believable for Ed to repeat himself, forget what he's said, and forget bits and pieces.

Stede will be brought back to see Ed now! The average time for top surgery is about 2-3 hours, but mine actaully only took just a bit over an hour. Discharge was also very quick since I was feeling pretty great right away - I left the hospital at around 3 pm. Many surgery hospitals will have an on-site pharmacy, so the nurses brought me my medications right up to my room! Ed will most likely be given pain meds and an antibiotic to take home.

Right after waking up was when my pain was most intense. It was about a 4/10 and calmed down quickly.

It's not an exagerration to have Ed feel 100% better about his body and how he looks literally right away! I'm already happily walking around the house without a shirt when I never would've dreamed of that before, and even just looking down at my body feels great.

Once Ed gets home:

Many people will be given a compression vest to wear home, my surgeon just does tight bandages. The most painful areas for Ed will probably be the stitches around his drains.

I had a mild (but admittedly scary) complication not long after I got home, where blood started leaking from one of my drains enough to soak through the bandages. I had to go to the ER to get the bandages replaced and check on the drain, and I was absolutely fine. I think this would actually be an excellent complication for Ed to have if you want some drama, because it was a bit scary but overall nothing to be worried about and it probably happened because I was moving too much while trying to clean myself up when I got home.

The morning after surgery, Ed will probably feel a bit feverish, sore, and tired. He'll want to stay on top of his pain meds, but I'm already on just Tylenol for the pain and I'm almost entirely pain-free.

Ed's doing great and he's so happy! I'll add more to this guide when my drains and nipple graft dressings are ready to come off.

A Guide for Writing Ed's Top Surgery!

I'm getting my top surgery on July 3 (whoo!!!) and I'm using this as an opportunity to gather info for fic purposes. I love writing Ed as a trans man, and I love everyone else who writes and draws him as trans, so I wanted to share the notes I'm taking to help others who want to draw or write Ed's top surgery experiences! I'll update this as we go in sections (pre-op, the surgery itself, and initial recovery).

This is all just my experience with getting a double-incision with free nipple grafts surgery, and it's from a US perspective. Your mileage may vary and this definitely isn't meant as a medical guide. If you're having your own top surgery listen to your surgeon, not me.

Pre-op guide below the cut!

In the months before his surgery:

Getting insurance approval for top surgery in the US, depending on where you live, can be incredibly frustrating, dehumanizing, and painful. Ed will need at least one letter from a therapist or other mental health provider, and he'll probably feel very frustrated about being treated like a child who is unable to make his own medical decisions. I had several insurance denials, needed to switch insurance companies (currently having to settle for one that's more expensive in every other way but will at least approve this surgery), and needed three (fucking 3!!) letters from mental health professionals to get my approval. Hard to overstate how much it sucked and how much it makes you feel like the people writing state and insurance laws see you as a stupid child. Ed will very likely have Lingering Issues about this experience.

Ed will need an initial consultation to confirm he's a good candidate for surgery. Mine was quick and easy!

Once he gets his approval, or once he decides to pay out-of-pocket, he'll get his surgery date! Depending on his clinic, this could be years away or it could be as soon as a couple months out, so anything is realistic for your story. You could lean into the joy of a date that's sooner than he'd expected or he could be frustrated by the whole process grinding to a halt.

His pre-op appointment:

The pre-op appointment is when Ed will meet his surgeon and get the details for his surgery date. Mine was almost two weeks before my surgery. He'll also receive packets of information and his post-op check-up dates. If he smokes, he should be tobacco-free by this date.

This is when Ed and Stede will be able to ask any last-minute questions. Ed can ask here if the surgeon will be willing to give him heart-shaped nipples, but they'll probably say no

This appointment is also when Ed will be struck by the reality of having post-operative drains and not being able to shower for a week. This will be deeply upsetting for him

Ed will probably be very nervous for this appointment (what if something goes wrong and he can't get his surgery?) but he'll be relieved and comforted by the whole experience. The mood in the whole plastic surgery center, for me, was downright fucking jubilant, all the nurses who saw my name on the chart were congratulating me and telling me how happy they were for me! This WILL make Ed cry

The week before his surgery:

It begins to sink in that Ed is about to have major surgery. He's excited, of course, but he'll be a little nervous too! Stede will need to give him lots of cuddles and promise to take good care of him

They'll need to make lots of Ed's favorite comfort foods to freeze so he has something to eat when he can't raise his arms well enough to cook

Ed should practice doing things without lifting his arms above his shoulders. He'll have a great time stomping around and pretending to be a dinosaur

He'll want to prepare a selection of comfy clothes he can wear without raising his arms. Stede's robes will be perfect

The biggest struggle for Ed during his recovery will be the boredom. Stede should help him build up a stock of video games, books, Lego sets, sketchbooks, and model building kits to keep his hands and brain busy!

They should prepare Ed's sickbed. He might be more comfortable sleeping upright on the couch or in an armchair propped up by pillows. He'll have to see how he feels after surgery and what positions are most comfortable, so getting both the couch and their bed ready is a good idea!

At some hospitals, including mine, you won't know what time to arrive at the hospital for your surgery until the day before, when they'll call you to let you know (they do this based on surgery room flow to ensure you arrive at the right time). Ed will find this stressful; Stede will HATE it.

Ed may need to shower with a special antiseptic skin wash the night before and the morning of his surgery. He will not enjoy having to get up at the asscrack of dawn to shower

The night before Ed's surgery, he and Stede should pack bags, just in case. Top surgery is an outpatient procedure, but just in case anything goes wrong and Ed has to stay overnight, it's good to be prepared. A change of comfy clothes, a book, and Ed's Nintendo Switch are good things to pack. Ed will also love taking a stuffed animal to keep him company after Stede can't go any further with him (and he can use the plushie to cushion the seatbelt on the car ride home).

Ed's super excited and everything's set for him! Good luck, Ed! 🥳

[coccyodynia]

things:

i cried so much last night that my eyes were so swollen this morning that they wouldn't open all the way and i was convinced i had pink eye, so i went to the dr and they said no they're just irritated and swollen that's it

i had a follow up appointment with my spine care team this morning and they said they didn't see any obvious reason for the pain i'm having so they're scheduling me a Ct scan to see the hardware from the fusion better bc it's possible the screws are loosening lol

in the meantime they did notice i have a bulging disc above the fusion which might contribute to some of the issues i've been having

they also saw signs of "wear and tear" which i dont like the sound of

so i have to do physical therapy and have another steroid injection or whatever and i'm not happy about either of those things

they did offer to give me a muscle relaxer prescription which i think will help

anyway

i had my annual review at work today and i got a small raise which is cool i guess bc i thought the owners hated me now but w/e

in one month i will be lakeside making s'mores and that might be the only reason i haven't offed myself yet

still not entirely sure what the fuck is going on with justin bc he got pretty overwhelmed when i asked him for clarity and he sort of shut down so for now i'm just taking it a day at a time, idc what ends up happening i just want him in my life somehow either way

ive been working really hard on my mental health stuff, my therapist has even said she can tell i'm taking it more seriously and putting in more effort than usual

im just so tired of feeling bad, and it turns out that sometimes journaling or making crafts (instead of getting drunk and fucked up) is actually fun

still having a hard time feeling really connected to people i love especially when i feel very much 'in distress'

not sure if that's just me or if it's an actual issue

i've taken my meds pretty gosh darn consistently for over a month now tho!!!! that might be the first time in my adult life i can say that

just really making a conscious effort to surround myself with as much of the things and people i love and it's helping

i haven't seen justin since pride and that sort of makes me sad but i'll see him soon probably

ok that's it guess bye

[bromantically]

no one ever takes fat people seriously when we say our healthcare quality is significantly impacted by our bodies.

had a gyno appt recently bc we are discussing endometriosis treatment. of course, weight came up bc some treatmens will make u gain weight. truthfully i do not care if a medicine makes me gain weight as long as it takes care of the Uterus Shitting Itself Forever disease. the doc was Very insistent on trying to avoid the meds that might cause weight gain even tho they were ones that would probably benefit me most

so by that point i was already pretty irritated, but it wasnt anything i hadnt heard from a doctor before, so whatever. i can handle a few annoying comments, i can push through and make sure i get what i want out of my treatment. but then she outright told me that i have "too much" weight and should go on a diet to lose weight. 🙄😒 also nothing i havent heard before.

but the thing is, she didnt recommend anything regarding diets. she told me to "just look it up". she didnt recommend anything that would help my health issues, like managing cholesterol and blood sugar, she didnt recommend anything specific to weight loss, she didnt tell me anything about what kinds of foods might be best for me, or how a proper diet looks or works.

just look it up. google it. on the internet, where there is surely nothing but trustworthy and unbiased information that actually has my wellbeing in mind as a fat person. the internet, famous for providing information on food habits that is not based on false science, fatphobia, or blatant lies. sure.

and when i told her i have no intentions of changing my body bc i like it as it is and would rather just treat my issues as they arise, she doubled down and gave the whole spiel about cholesterol and diabetes and joint pain and how shes just looking out for me blah blah blah. as if i didnt already have all of these issues when i was skinny. as if i wasnt previously taken seriously on these issues when i was skinny. as if all my current health issues werent related entirely to genetics and not my fucking weight.

i never had to hear this shit when i was thin. i got treatment without an issue. i was taken seriously and listened to. when i got fat, i was no longer a person or a patient, i became a body. i became the cause of all my health issues. i became a number on a scale. i know doctors treat thin people differently bc ive seen how much their treatment of me has changed as i got bigger.

this isnt even the worst experience ive had with a doctor and my body as a fat person, but its certainly one of the most ridiculous. to go in asking for treatment so my uterus doesnt self destruct and be told for 30 minutes how im too fat. and her solution was to tell me to look it up. Look It Up. my doctor, in charge of my wellbeing and responsible for educating me, told me to look up a diet. just any old diet. no advice, nothing.

this kind of shit is dangerous. this kind of shit is what starts eating disorders and gets people killed. she spent 30 minutes trying to convince me not to take beneficial medicine because it might make me fatter and also to diet without safe and reliable information on how to.

[x3kristax3]

After Duskwood - Chapter 28

First| Last| Next

A/N: the end is near are you ready??? also this chapter is my far my FAVORITE out of all written for this story. I hope you love it as well.

It's the next morning when I wake up and Jake is laying in bed, I believe still sleeping. I look at him and see his messy black hair and his scars from over the years of fighting and running from everything. I curl up against him and I feel him pull me closer as I whimper in pain as my back is tender. His eyes instantly pop open.

"You're past your meds time" he says looking at his phone..

He goes to leave and I pull him back down but he overpowers me and goes to get the meds. I give him a pout as I sit up. He hands me the meds and a cup of water. I take it and he sits next to me. 

"I know you were enjoying the moment but you need to be taking it on time" he says, kissing my forehead.

"You just squeezed a little too tight. I was doing just fine" I say as I go to get up but after last night my legs give out.

"How are you feeling elsewise?" He asks with a devilish smile.

"Taken care of in all ways" I say, smirking back.

He pulls me back to him and wraps his arms around me just cuddling now that he gave me the meds.

"So we need to decide what we're doing" I say with a sigh as I turn and face him.

"We're cuddling," he says.

"Well besides that. Do we want to stay in this area or go back to my home?" I say, looking into his eyes.

"Well now that is something you and I need to decide together" he says .

He pulls his phone out looking at places to buy here and apartments to buy in my home city and while here we can get a full house and he is close to Hannah and Lilly. I can't help but think of how my family and friends took him in with such ease without even questioning him. Here in Duskwood everyone seems to act like they are happy for us but always questioning him which breaks my heart. I look at his screen, looking over what he has open for houses here.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

"Which feels better. Like home is where the heart is so it's with you but here we always seem to have something bad happen" I say looking into his eyes.

"Because of my past, while there no one knows me and it's a fresh start plus your family took me in" he says.

"Exactly!" I say as I get really happy.

"I guess we know the location now to determine what we want in a place."

"Before that can I shower and we can go get coffee and breakfast" I ask all cute giving him those brown eyes and a smile.

"Of course we can't jump on just any place" he says.

"No it has to be perfect for us" I say, kissing him gently.

After a day of laying in bed looking at apartments we realize we need dinner. I pull out my phone and text everyone to meet at the Aurora for drinks and dinner and i go to get up. Ive been wearing one of Jake's shirt and get changed.  I look in the mirror at my back and the marks are pretty much gone.

"Hey can you text Red thank you for the help" I say.

"I'll try but I haven’t heard from her since everything went down with Clyde" he says.

"Jake, can I ask you something?" I say as i grab a backless shirt and high waisted jeans.

"Anything," he says, looking at me.

"Before I entered your life did you and her have a thing?" I ask.

"I mean we messed around but that's all we were stuck together helping Nate all the time but when I realized my feelings for you I stopped. Where does this come from?" He asks.

"I saw how she looked at you when she came in. I’m surpised she helped me,'' I say as I go into the bathroom and get dressed and do my makeup.

Jake opens the door to face me as I’m starting to do my makeup and he's just staring at me.

"What?" I ask as I see him just grab a clean shirt and jeans and change staring at me.

"Does your dad know about that shirt?" He says with a devilish grin.

"Definitely not! He would have a heart attack" I say with a small laugh. "We should get going" I say as I walk past him.

"I think you need a jacket especially since we're going to the Aurora" he says.

I roll my eyes "you just dont want Phil to see me like this?"

"Correct" he says grabbing me a jacket from my suitcase "glad I threw that in there."

I sigh at him and throw it on. At least it's my favorite white leather jacket, still to this day I have no idea how I’ve had it for years and it still looks brand new with no stains.

We pull up to Aurora and everyone is outside waiting. Seeing them makes me sad about our choice to leave but I know it's for the better for Jake and I. We walk up to them and Dan pulls me in for a hug and I dont flinch.

"You're doing much better," he says.

"Thanks it's healing and the meds are working" I say.

We all head in and grab a booth big enough for us it has seem to become our spot when we all get together.

"Guys, Jake and I have some news" I say as I feel him squeeze my thighs.

"What is it?" Asks Jessy.

"Are you guys getting married?" Asks Lilly.

"Jake and I are moving back to my home. For us it's better and he has a fresh start" I say.

"Well you always have friends in Duskwood" says Hannah.

"We have family not friends" I say looking at Jake.

"Hannah and Lilly" says Jake.

"Yeah brother" they both say.

"You always have a roof over your head if you ever come to visit. Well once we find a place" he says.

"I can't believe I'm losing my best friend" says Jessy.

I reach over to her across the table from me "you're not losing your best friend. You're gaining a second home as well" I say.

"You mean it?" She says, looking at me.

"Yes! You're my best friend" I say.

Our food and another round of drinks come to us and we enjoy the night with food, drinks, and having fun. I look over at Jake as I'm dancing and getting hot. I head up to him at the booth and I kiss him deep as I put my jacket on the seat. He grabs my hand and follows me out on the floor. I feel his hands against my back but his eyes dart away from me giving someone the death glare.

I say into his ear "remember I choose you, no one else." 

He pulls me close and kisses me deep and grabs my ass and I know who he's making a point too but i dont care.

******

It's about two in the morning,Phil is getting ready to close the bar and Jessy and I are up there talking to him. I feel Jake's hands wrap around me as I smell his cologne. I dont stop the conversation but I feel his fingers over mine and he slides the promise ring off my hand.

"So you are really leaving Duskwood huh?" Says Phil as Jessy walks away.

"Yeah it's best for Jake and I" I say as I realize I don't feel him anymore.

"Well you know you always have a bar to visit and work at. Even though Ihave a feeling you won't be back for a while" Phil says.

"Who knows, this group has definitely become another family to me but things just never go right here or in the area surounding us" I say while taking a drink.

"I warned you its only as strange as you make it" he says, starting to clean up.

"You say that but there is a difference between strange and just not the right place for someone" I say as I finish my drink.

"MC your ring is missing!" Jessy yells as she comes up on the other side of me.

"Jake took it" I say, unsure what's going on.

"No he said he doesnt have it. I asked him when I noticed before'' she says.

I turn around and Jake is on his knee in front of me holding the ring.

"MC, you make me the happiest man in this world. You make me want to be the best man I can be. I look at you and all I can think about is our future and I can't imagine my life without you. You have shown me trust and love even when my past caught up to us here. Will you spend your rest of life with me and do me the honors to be your future husband?" He asks holding the ring.

I'm in total shock and I start crying. I look at him still on his knee "YES!" I yell through the whole bar. He puts the ring he took off on my left hand and stands up wrapping his arms around me and picking me.Next thing I know Hannah and Lilly run up and hug us both.

"Welcome to the family" says Hannah.

"It's about time," says Lilly with a smile.

I hear everyone around yelling yay and congrats. I turn to grab my drink and realize it's empty. I see Phil and he seems kind of upset. I go to leave but Jake pulls me close for a kiss and I forget all about it.

Jessy comes up and hugs us both "I’m with Lilly it's about time, Jake. We've all known this was coming since we saw you two together that very first time."

"I was waiting for the right moment and after everything lately I knew it has to be now" he says looking into my eyes.

"Oh my god! I have to tell my family!" I excitedly yell.

"Let's surprise them by flying back to tell them and tell them about us buying a place there" he says. I just smile at him and he melts my heart even more.

"Okay I'm kicking you all out. Bar is closed" yells Phil.

We grab our stuff and Jake and I head back to the motel. We put on the TV and cuddle. I keep looking at my left hand and smiling. I pull out my phone, take a picture of it and one of us in the moment and he kisses my cheek.

"How are you still have so much energy?" He asks as it's almost 4am now.

"You put me on cloud nine with proposing and everything you said. You're totally right though I can't imagine my life without you either. I think that's why the other day I lost it on Jessy because the thought of you not making it out scared me bad" I say as I start looking up apartments for us.I’m scrolling and I found one that is perfect. A  4 bedroom has all the things we decided today we want but I look at the price and it's high and I sigh.

"What is it?" Jake asks.

"I found a place that meets everything we wanted but it's a bit high" I say looking through the photos.

He grabs my phone and looks through it all. "Well I mean it's about 25000 more than we said earlier," he says.

"I know thats why my heart breaks cause it checks everything."

"Let's look at money tomorrow between both of us." He says and gives me back my phone

I realize we still havent talked about that and I pull up my bank account and see that my savings account is still there. I had forgotten about it and was just putting money in there without paying attention. "Um well Iwas planning to use this to help buy things we need for it but" I say showing my saving which is 30k in it.

"How in the world?"

"As a bartender I'm really good. I made enough off tips to live off of while at my parents. So my paychecks were just going into a savings account" I say blushing.

"Well shit that covers that apartment in full. I can sell my car and get a good amount too for that but I'll need to buy a new one." He says.

"We can do that easily…. One of the guys I know from working the bar is a car salesman so might even a good deal" I say as I yawn.

"There's my sleeply girl" he says with a smile.

"Yeah, I think it's time I get some sleep. Maybe we should book a flight tomorrow ``I say as I curl up against him, finding the cozy spot.

"I'll do that now" he say.

[indynerdgirl]

UPDATE 12/01/2023 (This will be my last update to this post unless something drastically changes, good or bad. Thank you all so much for your prayers for Vianney, Jennifer, and the entire Cripe family. 🙏🏻)

[IMAGE TEXT:

3 Months! And oh, what a journey its been. I pray her next 3 months are less exciting - boring sounds pretty good around here right now. We got to take Vianney home with us on 11/20, just in time for Thanksgiving. Right before she came home, she started giving us some small sounds and looking around more, each day she got more and more alert (and has continued to do so!). She also was completely seizure free while she was on the EEG for 72hrs. Which is so incredible and another answered prayer! We were able to wean her two IV seizure meds off before coming home and are now working to wean one of her four remaining seizure meds down. I am praying she does well and we might be able to wean a second one off soon too. She is still feeding by NG tube and taking her meds through this as well. It's been a learning experience for us but Shad and I are figuring it out (Shad had a middle of the night ER visit with her this week after multiple tubes kept clogging). I am still hopeful she may be able to nurse again one day but we still aren't there yet. In the meantime, I continue round the clock pumping (which can sometimes be stressful itself and no fun but I am grateful to still be able to feed her this way). Since we've been home, Vianney has been showing off her lungs and giving us lots of good noises now! And while I will always be so grateful to hear them, I wouldn't hate it if it was a little less frequent at night. ❤ It seems our little lady has her days and nights mixed up (no surprise given she'd been in the hospital for so long) so we are working on that. A few nights ago she was up from 11pm - 5am and ooph this mama was tired the next day. And unfortunately I keep scheduling virtual appointments/home health visits while Zelie naps. She is stiff and sometimes struggles to straighten out but we are gently working on that. And still unsure of how much she can see and hear but she does startle to loud noises at least! It's taken me a while to post an update, mainly because I've been so tired and whatever energy I do have has been put towards the girls and just trying to resettle into our home/reestablish our routines. Each day we are figuring life with her out though but every moment continue to be grateful for her! She is such a gift and we treasure it as a most wonderful blessing from God. Cecilia adores holding her as much as she can throughout the day and I'm pretty sure Zelie has her own "kiss quota" she has to hit - she kisses her randomly all day long ❤ We remain incredibly, incredibly grateful for all those lifting us up in prayer, the meal train, the grocery shopping, the donations, and everything else in between. My family feels so loved by so many. I continue to ask the Blessed Ulma family's intercession for her healing and for her to make gains that surpass every doctor's expectations. Jesus, I trust in you. God, thy will be done.]

[Image Text: Please, please, please, if you even so much as glance at this post - share it for us and help us storm heaven!!! Our little girl needs a miracle and I beg any and every one of you to pray, pray, pray! Even if you don't know how to pray, please just ask God to heal Vianney’s brain. Now is the time for her miracle. We are devastated. Ever since we first found out about her diagnosis of left hemimegalencephaly, we have been praying and asking you all to pray that her right brain be spared. And you have shown up and helped us pray for this intention! All along the doctors have told us how strong and beautiful her right brain looked. However, this all changed sometime in the night between Friday and Saturday. At a time when we thought we were in the clear and were actually making plans to go home in a couple of weeks (!), something happened. The doctors can't explain it, they are looking into every avenue, as this was completely unexpected and unexplainable. She was awake. She was breathing on her own. She was moving. Shad was with her Friday night and video chatted me and I could not wait to see her the next day, finally alert! But suddenly very early that morning she took a turn and stopped responding. That's when her seizures started and they were indeed coming from the right side this time, due to whatever injury the right side sustained. They said her injury looks consistent with hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy but none of her vitals ever changed and her labs have remained great. There is truly no explanation at this time. My heart is broken. I cry out to God to understand why, in this final moment, when we were so close to her recovery, did this happen? I am trusting in Him with all my might and KNOW in my heart and soul that He is loving her far greater than I, but oh man I am absolutely broken. She has lost 40-60% of function in her right brain. Even typing it out and reading it in this post is too cruel to bear. They don't expect that she is in dire life threatening circumstances yet but they also can't say that her brain won't be injured further - since we still don't have a cause. Even if she survives all of this and is able to come home, we don't yet know what kind of life our little, beautiful perfect girl will have with only 25% of her brain. At this point, the most basic expectation is that she will not be able to walk or talk along with many other difficulties. She is outside of what they can do (other than trying to prevent more damage) and is truly in God's hands now. I told our priest yesterday before we got the full news - perhaps God is giving us the most dire of circumstances to give us the most miraculous of recoveries. In a world that needs to witness a miracle more than ever, I am praying to God that He show us one now. Please, please, please, keep praying for our Vianney - that her brain is completely healed and she can defy all medical expectations. And if now is the time for a miracle, then we are asking you to also beg for the prayers of the Blessed Ulma family. Soon I will share more about this incredible family, but for now we are asking them to pray along with us for our little Vianney’s miracle!]

Please storm heaven for my friend's little girl! 🙏

You can follow their GiveSendGo for updates

Prayer for the Intercession of the Ulma Family

Almighty and eternal God,

We thank You for the testimony of the heroic love of the spouses Józef and Wiktoria with their children, who gave their lives to save persecuted Jews.

May their prayers and example support families in Christian life and help everyone to follow the true path of holiness.

Lord, if it is in accordance with Your will, kindly grant the grace for the complete healing of little Vianney, for which we are asking You through their intercession and count them among the Blessed.

Through Christ Our Lord

Amen

Our Father…, Hail Mary…, Glory Be…

[esprei]

Wisdom teeth story

I was 17. I had to get put all the way under bc mine were impacted (sideways) and I also had to get all four of them taken out at once. I was put into a room with a wild looking dentist chair looking thing. One doctor came in and I mentioned feeling anxious. She asked me if I wanted laughing gas and my dumb ass asked, "will that cost my parents extra?" like it was the fucking scholastic book fair. She was like "no wtf" and I was like "cool let's do it then." So at some point some other people come in and they put this plastic thing on my face. It covers my mouth and nose and blocks my view of pretty much everything. They turn the shit on and man. That was an experience. It made my hands and feet feel weird and tingly. I didn't actually feel any calmer, but I could hear my heart monitor slowing down. It was trippy af, but cool. I wasn't uncomfortable or anything. So the anesthesiologist comes by and sprays something that he called "cold spray" on my arm over my brachial artery. It served both as an antiseptic and a numbing agent if I recall correctly. He puts an IV in me at some point, but I can't feel it or see what he's doing. I remember saying that I was thirsty and he was like "oh, this will help with that." I guess he was flushing it with saline first. But then it was night night juice time. He says, "You might start to feel a bit woozy." I look up to the ceiling and say, "Yeah, I sure do feel a bit woozy."

The next thing I remember after that was me sitting in a different room, in a different chair, laughing hysterically and pointing at my mom who was literally just sitting there. I don't remember waking up from surgery or walking to the recovery room, but they did mention afterwards that it took me about 5 minutes longer to wake up than it should have and they didn't like that.

But anyways, a nurse walked me out with my mom because she has a physical disability and wouldn't be able to do much if I stumbled. I still almost fell. But anyways I got in the passenger's seat and my mom drove us to the pharmacy. She told me very firmly to stay put and not to touch anything. I kept waving at her the entire five to ten minutes she was inside the pharmacy. There were big windows, so she could see me the whole time. She looked nervous as hell. So she came back to the car with my meds and made me take them. Then she went through the McDonald's drive thru and got me a large chocolate milkshake bc I couldn't eat solid foods yet. We got home and she tried to spoon feed me the milkshake except I couldn't feel my mouth so I literally could not tell when the spoon was in my mouth. Messes happened. I probably only got through a third of that shake. At that point she told me to go take a nap. Now, I am not a person who takes naps. I wouldn't even take naps when I was a toddler. But my ass slept that entire afternoon and finished the milkshake for dinner.

omg i can only imagine getting laughing gas for that instead and man your poor mom, i can totally understand her nervousness and concern during all of that, she was probably like "hurry up, hurry up, hurry uuuuuup" at the pharmacy lol, we were able to go through a drive-thru with mine

[dinosaurtsukki]

dating the port mafia’s medic

a/n: basically headcanons of port mafia members dating one of the organization’s medics who happen to be you. i just thought this would be cute and i’m craving fluff. also these are,,, really long.

feat. akutagawa, chuuya, and odasaku

akutagawa ryuunosuke:

you were the doctor that mori specifically assigned to him to help with his lung condition

even though akutagawa was supposed to have regular, weekly sessions he’d only come in like,, twice a month and that was after you texted mori that he hasn’t been visiting you

akutagawa isn’t all too comfortable with the fact that he has to take off his shirt so that you could put him in an x-ray gown or when you need to listen to his breathing with a stethoscope

but you’re incredibly patient with him and also the pay is good so you persist

at one point during one of your sessions, akutagawa grumbles about having to come to the clinic when he just wants to live long enough to make dazai proud

and you’re like ‘is that so?’

“personally, i’d feel kind of sad if you had to die so early”

that kind of gets akutagawa thinking. he can tell by the way you said it that you had no ulterior motives behind it

akutagawa: but,,, i'm your most troublesome patient

you: oh my god you think you're troublesome ??

you start to rant abt all the patients you had to treat before who didn't believe in vaccines or got their elbows stuck in weird places

akutagawa finds your stories really entertaining so he ends up enjoying and willingly going to his sessions with you

after that first fight with atsushi, you ended up taking care of akutagawa and patching up his body 

literal days of you just being at his bedside, worrying and hoping that he'll wake up and then you suddenly realize that maybe you have feelings for him

when akutagawa regains consciousness, he finds that he doesn't entirely hate the situation he's in because he gets to see you more often

he likes listening to more of your stories while you sit at his bedside. eventually he opens up with stories of his own (most of them are abt his missions so yeah)

akutagawa begins visiting your clinic more and one day he comes in even though he doesn't have a session and then agonizes over why the heck he did that

good guy senpai chuuya is basically all 'idk are you in love or something?'

to akutagawa it's utterly unacceptable and he hides his feelings for so long until you're the one who decides to confess to him

and to your surprise, he hesitantly asks if maybe you two would like to be in a relationship

you two are awkward about it at first. akutagawa doesn't really know if drinking tea at your clinic could be considered a 'date' but he does like these moments

both of you have pretty hectic schedules since m your patients are also mafia members and you have to be on-call all the time but akutagawa is really understanding

he likes seeing you in casual clothes but he also thinks you look good in a labcoat (he probably borrowed it when you were not looking to try it on)

because akutagawa has grown quite accustomed to your touch and initiates holding hands with you (in private ofc)

he's still not used to the idea of you taking care of him not just as a doctor but as his s/o but it makes a nice change for once

chuuya nakahara:

the first time he met you was after a mission when he was taking one of his subordinates to the emergency room of the infirmary

you were the doctor on-duty that night and the first time chuuya laid his eyes on you he was like 'damn'

who knew the mafia doctors were this hot amirite

ofc you were also kind of starstruck to see mafia executive chuuya nakahara in the emergency room but you had a job to do and a man was losing blood

you: what's his type?

chuuya: uh,, h/c hair, beautiful eyes, labcoat...

you: i mean... his blood type

chuuya's got it bad. after that night he couldn't stop thinking about that cute medic aka you

but he didn't even know what your shifts were so he LOOKS FOR YOUR CASE FILE IN THE RECORDS

it's like he's gonna commit a murder or something but no he's looking for information on you

the guy’s pretty impressed when he looks at your resume and definitely sees why you were hired to be a doctor at the mafia but that only makes him want to see you more

but questions is, how does he make it look like he was just ‘passing by the infirmary’ and not that he’s actively looking for you

tsundere boy is tsundere

because chuuya almost NEVER gets injured in fights and he’s got a reputation for that and now does he get himself injured on purpose just to see you?

well, the opportunity presents itself in the form of him and dazai fighting cthulhu aka lovecraft but we all know its cthulhu 

chuuya wakes up on a hospital bed to you checking in on him and he almost falls off the bed in shock

but then after he gets his bearings he realizes what an IDEAL SITUATION THIS IS

although it’s kind of hard to flirt with someone when you’re in a hospital gown with an IV infusion stuck to his arm

nonetheless, he finally decides to ask you out after his last day of treatment and you’re shocked of course but agree

although your first date ends up being rain-checked because a patient comes in a new mission for chuuya comes up

actually almost all your dates get rain-checked until after a mission, chuuya decides to visit your clinic with a bouquet of flowers just when you get off your shift

chuuya: are... you free?

you: yeah. are... you free?

both of you are too tired for a fancy restaurant date so you two end up at a cozy bar to share a drink

chuuya loves listening to your stories and talking to you. he literally has his chin on his hands listening to how you made a makeshift tourniquet out of your labcoat while you were on the field

both of you are really busy people but chuuya likes to stop by your clinic once in a while

you always have fresh flowers on your table because chuuya brings them for you

sometimes he’ll come home to you already tired and passed out 

oda sakunosuke:

the first time he met you was after a particularly rough mission and you were luckily there at the emergency room to treat him 

this guy had a concussion and needed stitches asap but instead he was asking you to treat his companions first 

you quickly treated him and let him rest and of course the first thing he asks when he wakes up is how everyone else is doing

your intrigued of course because you’ve never met a mafia member who was like him 

the second time you met him, odasaku actually brought someone from the enemy faction along because he didn’t think that leaving him to die was the right choice

he didn’t know if you would treat them because you were loyal to the mafia but you also had your own moral code as a doctor to treat patients no matter who they were

odasaku stuck around the emergency room knowing that it was going to take you hours to treat the man and when you come out, you’re surprised to see him there with a cup of coffee

the two of you end up sitting in the hallway and talking about all sorts of things. you love listening to how odasaku stopped killing so that he can fulfill his dream of being a writer

he on the other hand loves hearing about how you went through the hell that was med school because you were dedicated to saving lives

maybe odasaku doesn’t mind getting injured so much because that means he gets to see you but also you can’t help but feel worried about him

one time, one of the odasaku’s adopted kids gets really sick and the first person he ends up calling is you because he has no idea what to do 

to his relief, you show up right at the curry restaurant and are very much ready to help

odasaku admires how good you are with kids. even though they just met you, they’ve already taken a liking to your calm, sweet presence

you even pull out your stethoscope and let them take turns listening to each other’s heartbeats

until a kid walks up to oda to check his heartbeat and is like ‘uh,,, your heart is beating really fast’

cue all the kids singing “ODA LOVES Y/N, ODA LOVES Y/N”

you look up at oda and he doesn’t look away and now you know

after that day, oda asks if you would like to maybe have a drink with him or visit a cafe and you say that you would love to

odasaku loves to drop by your clinic because he’s such a caring boyfriend and he knows how stressed you are from your work

he even comes by in the morning to bring you your coffee and he memorizes your order

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @atsumu-brainrot​ @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo ​ @guardianangelswings @ah-kaashi​