#ive spent so fucking long on this and i only have like half of one done helppppp

[silly-lil-scribbles]

OUGHHHHHH WHY MUST THIS YARN BE SO THIN THIS IS TAKING FAOREVER

[phagodyke]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

[rosyblooom]

losing ur interest | op81 smau

PAIRING: oscar piastri x fem best friend!reader WARNING(S): kinda angsty SUMMARY: oscar spent the better half of his teens and early twenties pining after his best friend, y/n, with no luck. however, by the time y/n finally sees him in a romantic light, his love is long gone.

Instagram

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 91,740 others

yourusername did i jump in the water fully clothed for my bestie only to get one nice shot?? yes yes i did that and u would do it too for a free dinner! 😌

view all 1,225 comments

username she was an employee! and she was gonna get employee of the month period y/n !!!

yourusername yessir🫡 username 🤣🤣

username so... where is this picture you speak of🧍‍♀️

oscarpiastri 40 cad of food for 1 pic...😐

yourusername not my fault u're so unphotogenic x username oscar bby the public would like to see it pls 🤲🧎‍♀️

username prettyyyy

landonorris the camera guy always gets the short end of the stick smh guess who paid for my food🤨

yourusername uhm... so anyway the weather was soo nice😋 landonorris woow

oscarpiastri posted to his story!

[ caption: This picture alone is NOT worth a fully paid meal! 2/10 ]

[ tagged: yourusername ]

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, yourfriend, landonorris and 265,880 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri Two best friends in a room, they might...

view all 3,002 comments

username KISS OMG THEY MIGHT FUCKING KISS YESS PLS😭

oscarpiastri 👀👀👀 yourusername ahahahahahaha😂 username ouch...my heart hurts for osc🥹💔 username alright y/n it ain't that funny😐

username AHHJKSH they're so cute omfg

username slowly realising best friends to lovers ain't ever gonna happen with these two😩

landonorris finally give photo credits???🤨

username oop yourusername never 😙❤️

username the way y/n didn't even like the post omg crying and fucking throwing up

username 😭😭 username sigh... nobody talk to me rn 😞

f1gossipofficial

liked by username, username, username and 11,840 others

f1gossipofficial Y/N L/N, Oscar Piastri's long-time childhood best friend, was spotted entering the paddock today! Despite being a fan favourite, she hasn't attended many races and tends to keep to herself.

Nevertheless, fans are thrilled to see Y/N supporting Piastri at this year's Australian Grand Prix!

Best of luck to all drivers today!

view all 531 comments

username y/n on insta: 🤪😆🗣️ y/n at a gp: 🤐😊🙈

username LMAOO ...why is this me tho🥲 username she's so real for that lololol username ntm on my girl now, she's just shy🤣🫶

username it's so clear oscar's in love with her omg

username she's not tho☹️

username imagine if oscar wins today👀👀

username she looks so prettyyyyy <3

username ew she's just there for the money and fame🤢

username "long-term childhood best friend" what's not clicking??? yall just be saying anything smh

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption: alright boys, time to get on ur zoom 🏎️ ]

[ tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris ]

Twitter

Instagram

oscarpiastri posted to his story!

[ caption 1: When your best friend buys you pizza to make you feel better after a crash 😊 ] [ caption 2: Nevermind she dropped it 🤦‍♂️ Actually feeling worse now! ]

[ tagged: yourusername ]

A few months later...

Instagram

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption: the best type of mattress 😌 ]

[ tagged: oscarpiastri ]

ynfanpage

liked by username, username, yourusername and 3,892 others

tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri

ynfanpage guys have you noticed how giddy and touchy y/n's become around oscar ever since his crash at the aus gp??? these are some pics she's posted since then👀👀👀

view all 227 comments

username OMG YES IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT IT

username what do you wanna bet she realised she was in love with osc that day??🥺

username IMAGINE. that would actually make so much sense!!! best friend to lovers at last omfg 😍🫶 username my nonna always said "sometimes u have to almost lose someone to realise how much they really mean to u"🥹

username Y/N IS IN THE FUCKING LIKES WTF‼️

username probably by accident🥲 username BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT AN ACCIDENT??? maybe we'll get a hard launch soon omgg

username they're sooo dating lol

oscarpiastri

liked by yourusername, lilyzneimer, logansargeant and 201,888 others

tagged: yourusername, lilyzneimer + more

oscarpiastri Made some new friends at the beach today :)

view all 1,962 comments

username the vibes in these are immaculate🤩

yourusername same time, same place? :)❤️

landonorris where was my invite???

oscarpiastri Non-existent 😊 username lmaoo why are they like this🤣🤣

username is that y/n and osc in the third pic??🧐

username idk but lmk when u figure it out babes

lilyzneimer super fun! nice meeting you guys 💛

oscarpiastri You too 😆

username idk oscar responding to everybody but y/n's comment rubs me the wrong way...🤨

Instagram

lilyzneimer posted to her story!

[ caption: 🍝💛💛 ]

Instagram

yourusername

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, riabish and 82,045 others

yourusername beach x (ty lovely waiter for taking my pic for me)

view all 1,528 comments

lilymhe prettiest! 💕

yourusername youuu <33

username where's oscarrrr

username she's so fake😒 how is she super shy at the gp and then so outgoing here smh??

username lmao maybe bc this is her own insta?? like duh she feels comfortable on her own page wtf

landonorris alone?🤨 where's your shadow

yourusername u're so...😭 username LMAOO referring to oscar as her shadow is crazy??💀💀 username i'm cryin🤣🤣

oscarpiastri posted to his story!

[ caption: 😊❤️ ]

[ tagged: lilyzneimer ]

Twitter

Instagram

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption: girls night in? yes, yes pls :) ]

[ tagged: yourfriend + more ]

0:02 ㅇ──────────── 3:17

no part 2!

[paper-mario-wiki]

you do such a good job passing! any tips?

thank you, i appreciate that! i dont have a ton of tips since ive only been at it for a little over half a year, and im kinda flying by the seat of my pants cuz i dont have a lot of people i talk to day-to-day about presentation. pretty much everything ive figured out by myself and with youtube tutorials. regardless, heres a few i can think of:

don't be afraid to go to a makeup store and ask for advice. i brought a picture of myself i put through faceapp to give me makeup, and i showed it to the ladies at sephora, who were able to get me exactly what i was looking for. theres a world of difference between a face full of makeup, and a face full of makeup that's slightly the wrong shade, and it's good to get the opinions of experts.

try to look at the other women in your family and see how they style themselves, or do their makeup, or even how they speak or carry themselves. finding a look that works isn't somethin that you can fall into super easily, you have to go searching for it. try to model yours after the people who literally share your genes and therefore your features. (note, the opposite is equally usable for transmascs, look at your brothers, fathers, and uncles)

spend time in the mirror seeing what looks right. comb your hair in different directions, part it in a different place, put a clip in, dye it a different color, etc. put on makeup and then take it all off, then put on way too much and only take half of it off. learn the muscle memory of holding a liquid eyeliner pen in your non dominant hand and tracing it across the eyelid on the opposite side of your face without twitching your eye. nobody will see you, you're in your own bathroom. with the resources you have, treat the Bathroom Fit Check like you're customizing a character in a videogame.

look for your angles! i wish i could look good at every angle, but i don't, and vanishingly few people actually do. i spent a lot of time looking at myself in my front-facing phone camera from different directions and thinking "fuck im never going to pass, i really dont look great. is this even worth it?" and no matter how much doubt i had, in the long run the answer ended up being yes, it is worth it. that's kinda how hard things are: they suck until they don't anymore.

this one is really simple and may not apply to you, but fix your posture. seriously. when i started standing up straight for a few weeks i noticed an change in how i looked and carried myself (and my back doesnt hurt as much now)

come to terms with the fact that a lot of women look like men, and a lot of men look like women. the idea that all men look one way and all women look the other is an propagandstic invention of the state that should not be taken seriously. (note: this tip works only inwardly as a facet of self actualization. no matter what, you will always run into people who buy into the propaganda. to the best of your ability, pay them no mind.)

im sorry i cant give you anything more, but thats kind of a big question to answer, so i hope this helps!

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons cause I love this chaotic little family

I’ve seen a lot of people say Ambrosius is a morning person and Bal is a night owl 

And I have to respectfully disagree 

Will Bal pull some all-nighters in the lab? Absolutely 

But this man is the most early bird coded character I’ve ever seen in my entire life 

When he isn't fully invested in a project he can't stay up past 10 pm

He wakes up at 6 am refreshed and barely needs caffeine 

I’ve also seen a lot of people say he’s a dedicated coffee drinker but something about this man screams “Coffee gives me migraines” 

Ambrosius on the other hand 

That’s an insomniac if I’ve ever seen one 

He’ll get ready for bed around 9 and then stay up til 3 in the morning

Poor babe needs coffee in an IV

He used to wake up really early back in the institute cause he was forced to run a mile every minute he was late to class 

And he’s a heavy sleeper so after the wall came down and he quit being a knight he wouldn't wake up before 1 pm even with Bals help 

And Nimona is just as bad 

Most nights Ambrosius will leave the room because he moves a lot when he can’t sleep and Bal is a light sleeper 

He’ll sit in the living room watching tv while trying to sleep and most of the time Nimona will join him 

Every once and a while Bal will find them laying on top of each other on the couch and will take them back to their respective beds 

And if you’re wondering what their favorite show to watch together is it’s those house-flipping shows 

But not for the reason you think

Most people watch those shows cause they think it’s inspiring 

Ambrosius and Nimona talk about how terrible these people are at their jobs  

They’ll go on hour-long rants about how these people are stripping the houses of everything that made them a home

(Ambrosius is a sentimental bitch and would be a maximalist after leaving the institute prove me wrong)

When Nimona is bored she’ll go into the city disguised as Bal or Ambrosius 

And she’ll fool literally everyone it’s a pretty common occurrence for the boys to be at home and then they hear the other swearing like a damn sailor because there are already news articles about it

The only people she can’t fool are Bal and Ambrosius 

Bal will shut them down almost immediately 

They’ll walk over to Bal and won’t even get a word out before Bal says ���Shift back Nim you’re freaking me out”

They always make a big deal out of being caught making big decorations like “I’m getting better and one day I’ll fool you” 

And he’ll hum in agreement but he knows that it doesn’t matter how good he gets or how observant he is he’ll be able to fully copy every little detail 

The details that Bal has spent the past decade and a half remembering  

You know the little things like how he can’t say Bal or Nimona’s names without smiling even when he’s pissed

Or how he scrunches his nose when he laughs 

Ambrosius always acts like Nimona tricked him

He’ll let them get comfortable in the character and then he’ll drop the bomb 

Something small and inconspicuous like “Hey Nim do you want pizza for dinner?” and they’ll excitedly proclaim “Hell yeah pizza!” 

It takes them a second to realize they’ve been played and when they do they never make a big deal about it

They normally just mumble a curse or two and walk away with their tail between their legs (literally)

The first time Nimona tried to trick Ambrosius was when he was having one of those days 

You know the days when even breathing feels like a fucking battle

This was in a really awkward period too

Like right after Nimona and Ambrosius started trusting each other but right before they really started to get to know each other 

But she knew the boys well enough to know if Bal came home to a sad Ambrosius then he’d be in a bad mood for the rest of the day 

And she knows that the only thing that can cure a mopey Ambrosius is Bal 

She walked into the room and started talking to Ambrosius and was kind of surprised and a little bit peeved about how well she was fooling him

Until he said “You can drop the act Nim I know it’s you” 

They kind of just sat in that silence for a minute until Nimona said the first thing that came to her mind 

“You want me to find my sax?” 

Bal shouldn’t have been surprised to find Nimona disguised as him serenading Ambrosius with the worst freestyle jazz he’s ever heard (which is saying something)

He didn’t even say anything he just sat down and cuddled the love of his life while watching their kid try and play the sax while breakdancing

[icumpinkglitterxo]

Take me to church

warnings: angst, brief mentions of sh, homophobia, internalised homophobia, f slur, overall heavy topics. 🥰

a/n: whY AM I WRITING SLAXL 🥲 ts may be the most chronically online thing ive ever done. am i the only one who thinks axl and slash are like mickey and ian and am i also the only one who hates bottom mickey...

i like girls and guys i can say fag go away

enjoy ★

This was the worst thing that could've possibly happened to them. Or at least, that's what Slash thought. Axl and Slash had been secretly dating, but some dickhead soccer player at their school found out and told the entire school. It was bad enough that Slash had long hair, dressed in glam and occasionally painted his nails - he had a 'girlfriend' who was really his best friend who was secretly a lesbian. But now he was out as gay, and out against his will.

It had taken a serious toll on Slash's mental health, so much to the point that he couldn't bring himself to go to school and even took a blade to his skin.

The only thing that seemed good to him was when his mom found out and she was more than accepting. She was having an affair with David Bowie, and while it didn't affect him majorly, it was comforting to know he was accepting too.

As much as it didn't bother Axl, as long as it didn't get back to his parents, seeing how badly it affected the man he loved made him unbelievably angry.

Slash spent as much time as he could ditching class, staying home, or staying with Axl or his 'girlfriend'. Making sure he was never alone in public worked surprisingly well. Nobody came near him when he was with Axl, gay or not, people still avoid a hormonal bipolar teenager.

Of course, he would freak himself out when he he had to walk home. Alone. Axl hadn't been waiting for him at the end of the day like usual, so here Slash was, walking through an alley because it was the quickest way home. It was still light out, and no one was around, so he would be fine. Right?

Wrong.

It was fast. And slow. All at the same time. All it took was one punch for the loud ringing in his ears to start. Someone had grabbed him and shoved him against the wall. Hit. Punch. Shove. Kick. They pulled him up off the ground and shoved him against the wall again.

'Did you really think you'd get away with being a fucking faggot' one of them spat. The word alone hurt, but the way it rolled off his tongue with venom stung. The guy punched him again, he could feel the blood dripping down his face. Slash was more terrified than he'd ever been in his entire life.

They weren't showing any signs of stopping any time soon. Was being gay this wrong? Was he truly a bad person?

He was in unbearable pain. He tried everything he could to push them off, but to no avail.

They were genuinely going to beat him to death. He was going to die. He was actually going to die all because of who he loved. That was all he could think about. His final thoughts. Until the guy was pulled off him.

Slash slowly opened his eyes. Before him was Axl beating the shit out of both guys and screaming at them. "Don't you EVER lay your fucking hands on him ever again, understand!?" He was screaming so loud it actually hurt Slash's ears. But what shocked him most was that both guys looked absolutely terrified, maybe even more than Slash.

They nodded and ran away.

Axl turned to Slash, who had since sunk to the ground sobbing and shaking.

Axl kneeled in front of him, cupping his face. "Let me see, let me see..." Slash tried to pull away. He was ashamed. He couldn't stand up for himself. Axl sighed, "it's okay, you're okay... okay? I'm gonna take you home. They're gone. Okay? You're safe. I promise."

Slash was in a state of shock. He was hyperventilating. He was clearly struggling to breathe. "I- they- I was just - and then - and I- walking - and they - attacked -" Axl shushed him, grabbing his face a little more rough than before.

"Breathe."

They sat in the alley for at least half an hour as Slash tried to come down from his panic attack. Axl stayed with him the entire time, doing and saying everything he could to help him relax. He knew Slash was prone to panic attacks. He also knew he was in a great deal of pain, which he could only imagine were making things worse.

As promised, Axl took Slash home. The pair were now sitting in the bathroom, Axl cleaning the blood from his boyfriend's face.

"Do you think this is wrong?" Slash asks carefully. "What, beating people up for being gay? Course it’s wrong, it's a hate crime - " Axl started, but Slash interrupted.

"Not that. This. Us."

Axl froze.

He slowly looked down at Slash. "Is that a serious question?" Slash nodded. "Everyone thinks so. Maybe they're right." Axl scoffs, "you're not serious, are you fucking serious!?"

He nodded again. "I don't think we should be together." Axl stares at him, "don't... don't say that... don't you fucking say that..." Slash gets up and walks out of the bathroom, stopping in the doorway. "I think you should go. Don't try to call me."

He walks out of the bathroom, leaving Axl standing there completely shocked, hurt, and confused. He leaves Slash's house.

Instead of going home, Axl went to the abandoned house he crashed in when things got particularly difficult at home. While he knew Slash and his mom would always welcome them into their home, he never wanted to worry Slash with the abuse he was enduring at home.

Though, now he felt like he couldn't. Slash had actually broken up with him. When he got 'home', he started breaking everything he could, until he passed out from exhaustion.

Slash walked into his room, crying. He sat down on his bed, reaching for a blade.

[crushedsweets]

Do you have any headcanons of Lyra and Toby’s relationship?

this has been in my inbox for like over a week by now because this is a big task in my head. i will focus more on the family itself, but obviously the siblings r there.

ROGERS FAMILY HCS UNDER THE CUT... tw for abuse and addiction, of course

ok. WE'RE GETTING PERSONAL HERE. im the eldest daughter of 3 so the way in which i project into older siblings is insane. ive also had an addict father(no where near like frank though let me clarify) so in general . . the story.. makes me feel very...... basically their relationship is very personal to me.

lyra is about 2-3 years older than toby.

frank's dad was in the vietnam war, his grandparents were in wwii, his grandparents in wwi, etc. so he went into military service right after marrying connie. for a long while, he was SUPER military strict. those kids were up, made their bed, and down for chores by 6am everyday. he made them do military time rather than civilian time. he was incredibly traditional, expected a perfectly clean household, a polite soft daughter, a strong bold son, perfect wife. he wanted the 1950s nuclear family model. so toby and lyra grew up in a very clean, strict, traditional household.

in my au, frank wasnt outright abusive until the kids were around 8-11. it was after he developed his addictions and lost his job. the kids really didnt understand what was changing at first, and legitimately were like 'omg dad isnt making us wake up at 5am everyday..... this is so cool'.

theyd start having sleepovers in eachothers room, slacking a bit on chores, going to sleep late, sleeping in. toby didnt develop his tourettes until he was around 7, so lyra and toby would walk home from their elementary school together. sometimes, theyd walk another friend home first, stop at convenience stores to get candy, pet a cat, etc. frank didnt say a thing for the first few months, just drunken grumbles along connies worried 'WHERE HAVE U BEEN'. if they weren't walking around the area, they were in the backyard playing soccer.

eventually the abuse began, and all of those little freedoms were quickly stripped from the kids.

toby developing tourrettes around this time was a painful coincidence, because not only did he experience abuse at home, but awful bullying at school. he was promptly pulled out after completing 3rd grade. he was only 8.

lyra would practically run home from school everyday, as fast as a 12 year old girl with a backpack could manage, just because she spent all 7 hours in school worrying about toby at home. connie had to start working to pay bills, so..

when toby was around 11 and lyra was around 13, toby started kinda just. being more distant. he was kind of a dick to lyra for a period of time, half because of everything he was going through, half because puberty is rough. his room started getting messy, lyra had to start picking up chores he was slacking on , etc. lyra isnt perfect and began to resent toby for this, and eventually, the two were kinda at eachothers throats for like 6 months. which isnt a lot, but for kids, its an eternity.

when franks abuse evolved from ''just'' verbal abuse, to shoves, to slaps, to full on beatings, toby started egging frank on. just to get him off of lyra and connie. obviously he couldnt feel it, and while it sure took a fucking mental toll, it was so much easier to just wait it out rather than listen to the girls cry.

lyra didnt even realize toby was doing this for a while, she just thought it was all part of him going through his little hormonal asshole phase, until one day frank made a fucked up comment about 'youre lucky that boy is always causing trouble. was supposed to be you'. then it kinda clicked and she very quickly tried to fix their relationship back to what it was.

frank eventually scared connie so badly that there'd be periods of time where she'd take the kids in the middle of the night, and run off to either her parents place, or even a random hotel in another city. she'd use cash, force the kids to keep their phones at home, leave literally everything behind and often make the kids pick out new toothbrushes at a random walmart. etc. it would only last a few days each time, and lyra fought so hard to stay strong while her mom cried and toby closed himself off.

she'd try to get toby to come to the hotel pools with her, try to get him to watch tv with her, try to get him to just fucking talk to her. he was often catatonic during these little runaways, once the confusion adrenaline and fear wore off

it wasnt until they went around a month without seeing their father, and frank had some weird fucking. 'those are MY kids too' thing and went to connie's parents house while all the adults were out, and forced the kids back home. this was the first time lyra was full on sobbing and begging and pleading in years. that was what shifted something in toby, too.

now tobys 13, lyras 15, and theyre on better footing. theyre starting to understand eachother. tobys back on keeping up with chores, knowing that either him lyra or connie was going to get beat if they were missed. sometimes he'd just silently come into lyras room and lay down and watch tv with her. they'd talk about books, about school, their trust was built right back up and toby ended up being the first to know about lyras school drama, gossip, boys, etc.

toby wasn't really socialized properly, since he's been homeschooled for 6 years by now. all the time, he'd hear lyras stories, and wish he could go to school. his mom would be horrified anytime toby asked, because all she could remember was her sweet boy coming home and crying into her arms after a day of being mocked and pushed around by peers.

so he began to live through lyra, in a sense ? he almost became a diary for lyra, and he kinda loved it. she was like a sitcom to him.

frank wasnt a good father by any means during this period, he was still awful, but he wasn't constantly looking for trouble. the kids kept to themselves, connie did everything she was expected to, he didnt give a shit about their grades or social lives. he couldn't even recgonize when lyra was coming home late.

lyra got her license the second she turned 16. the house had two cars, and its not like frank was ever going anywhere, so she was always going everywhere. she adored the freedom, and took toby wherever he'd let her. he only really left the house if he was going grocery shopping with his mom or something, so it was kinda weird now that he was just. going to malls. going to restaurants. going to parks. just Hanging Out. every now and again he'd stick around when Lyra was with her friends, but he didn't like them so it was rare.

sometimes theyd just drive together for a long time. at night, she was the one to take him to every hospital visit, she even got him to volunteer at a pet shelter she worked at for a bit. 3 years and they become so close again, and lyra is tobys best friend. she's his entire world because who else does he have ? he loves his mom, but she's married to the man he hates more than anything

toby was 16 and lyra was 18 when frank strangled toby till he passed out. thats finally when connie kicked frank out, forcing frank to go live on his moms couch. lyra was mortified and started spending an absurd amount of time with toby. she took online community college courses just so she could spend even more time with toby, and it didnt hurt to do so since frank wasnt there anymore. things were getting better for the family, frank was gone, lyra was in college, connie was working, toby was volunteering at shelters and even had a few acquaintances he'd talk to now and again.

lyra picked toby up from the shelter he volunteered at when the accident happened.

lyra and connie had matching silver necklaces with a circle pendant that had their initials. toby didnt cuz frank would get pissed if toby tried wearing jewelry, but when lyra died, toby immediately clung to it. he wears it religiously. the only time he takes it off is if he knows he's going to kill someone that day. otherwise, its always on him.

lyra died and was buried in colorado. toby lives in alabama now. so he really doesnt visit her grave often. only on her birthday, he'll scramble together some money and get brian, tim, and kate to agree to cover his uh. 'shifts' with slenderman, and take a few loooonnnggg train rides over to colorado.

he'll leave two bouquets of flowers. one for lyra, one for connie.

connie just feels in her heart that its toby. she has no reason to believe it, they've never bumped into eachother (toby's visiting at like 2am and falls asleep near the grave for a few hours), but she knows nobody else whos visiting lyras grave and leaving two sets of the same flowers.

toby and lyras childhood home was put on sale shortly after it was reconstructed from the fire, and connie moved in with her sister. lyras bedroom door was the only one that was shut and left unscathed after the fire (legitimately keep your doors shut if you ever have a housefire it can save entire bedrooms and even lives). the rest of the house was ruined, but not lyras room. connie kept every single one of her belongings, but she's put some photos out on the grave. tobys taken them, and connie believes it was him. again, she has no reason to believe it other than the flowers and 'why would someone take a photo of my dead daughter.'

anyway hi. in tears. i love them. sorry. i just retell their story over and over and get sad everytime

[starker-raving-mads]

For You: Part IX

im so sorry this took so long but everyone can thank @madeforstarker for kicking me in the ass to get it done. Thank you, princess <3

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹›‹

Peter didn't see Tony for three days.

This was partially his fault. His initial reaction to The Bedroom Incident, as he was calling it, was to flee the entire building, his feet scurrying him to May's apartment early the following morning. He spent a good few hours with his aunt - something he didn't actually regret, though the reason for the new time together soured it a little for him - and when she left for work he left for patrol. It was probably his longest patrol yet, capping off at 6 hours, and while it felt good to stretch his muscles and help the people of Queens, his mind constantly drifted back to The Bedroom Incident.

He couldn't face Tony after that.

And yet he couldn't not.

After weeks of living in the penthouse, it felt like home. It was the only place he felt well and truly free and comfortable, and Tony being there just made it even better. Even with the - awkwardness that now surrounded them, surely they could get over that right? It's not like he'd said Tony's name. Out loud, at least.

So, exhausted and starving, he swung by a 24/7 deli and grabbed two sandwiches. They wouldn't be as good as Mr. Delmar's but Peter was starving so he'd take what he could get. He ate one of them on the walk home in his street wear, taking his time by taking a circuitous route back to Stark Tower. It was just delaying the inevitable but Peter couldn't bring himself to speed up the awkward conversation he was no doubt gonna have once he got home.

And yet, once the elevator doors opened and revealed the penthouse, no one was there.

"Fri?" he called.

"Yes, mom?"

"Where's, uh - where's Tony at?"

"Boss has been dematerialized and operating within the bounds of his cognitive digital space, which I am unable to access. Would you like me to get him for you?" she asked, tone colored with curiosity. Peter had to wonder what she thought of the situation, but also did not want to know. He could only imagine the leaps in logic she would make that would hit too close to home.

He dawdled around the living room for a little while before heading down to the labs, half expecting Tony to be there, blue and glowing and insubstantial but present and, for lack of better words, alive.

This was not the case.

Tony was nowhere in the confines of the lab. Peter sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, slowly making his way toward the elevator. He stopped before he entered it and turned around, speaking aloud, "I, uh, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I - yeah. I'll be around." He felt like an idiot speaking to an empty room but he wasn't sure what else to do.

He spent the rest of the night in the penthouse doing his online course work in silence. When he went to bed, he had Friday tell Tony just in case he wanted to know where Peter was, and then fell into a very tense and restless sleep.

The following two days were much like the first. Peter woke up, had Friday tell Tony what he was doing or where he was, visited his friends or May, patrolled, and did his online coursework. He'd come home, have Friday update Tony - not that she ever got an affirmative response - and he went to bed. He slept like shit, he felt like shit, and it was really starting to drain him.

On the fourth day, when he'd about lost his patience and his nerve, Tony finally popped into existence in the middle of the living room. It scared the hell out of him but he didn't do much more than look at the older man, dumbfounded and slightly stupefied.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, uh," the simulation ran a hand through his hair, messing it up in an impossibly cute way, "hi."

"Hi," Peter replied, lame as fuck.

They stared at each other in silence, brown eyes meeting blue ones, before Tony finally broke the tension.

"I'msorryforintrudingandseeingyoucum."

It was only Peter's enhanced senses that made the jumble of words make sense and he blushed immediately, grimacing and trying to hide it.

"It - uh, it's okay."

"It's really not, this is your place and I should give you privacy and I didn't and - " Tony paused, looking at Peter again. " - and I really should not know you have a daddy kink, kid."

"Oh god," Peter groaned, grabbing a pillow and shoving it over his face. "You heard that?"

Tony chuckled and it somehow broke the tension in the room despite the topic. "Kinda hard not to when you're all breathy and moaning. Plus," he shrugged, still grinning, "I have this kickass new memory since it all gets stored and fragmented and saved now."

"Please, please let's change topics before I pass out from blood loss," Peter begged. And, suddenly, everything felt right with the world again. This was their thing. Teasing and being teased, having fun and making jokes between all the serious stuff. It felt good, like a breath of fresh air after three very long, very lonely days.

Peter tried not to analyze what that meant for the future of his sex life.

Long and lonely, he sighed.

But, they moved topics like Peter had wanted, only to something he had not really expected.

"You what?" he asked, perplexed.

"I sent Pepper a Cease & Desist," Tony said as if it made any sense at all.

"How? Did you tell her you were - "

"Oh no, no way," the older man shook his head. "I figured neither of us were ready to pop open that can of worms. I sent it through Friday on your behalf - which," he grimaced, "I probably should've asked first, but what's done is done."

"It's fine, I guess, just - why?" That was what Peter couldn't understand. Why would Tony be sending C&Ds to his wife of all people? And on Peter's behalf no less.

"Listen, kid, I fucked up when I made my will - and before you start thinking it was about your part, it wasn't that," he cut Peter off when he saw the protest in his eyes. With a firm glare, he continued, "She had no right doing a lot of the things she did and is still doing. I had plenty of time in the last three days to think about it, analyze data, check on sources - it's amazing what having all that extra time I'd normally be sleeping can do - and I'm very unhappy with her, Pete."

"Just, why?" Peter asked again, feeling like a parrot or an NPC who had no other dialogue.

"She shouldn't have taken your blanket," the older man glared. "And she shouldn't have said what she did in that meeting room, or any of the tactics she's employed since. I know Pepper, kid, like I know the back of my hand," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. "That means all the good and the bad. I know that I loved her, or something like that - I must have, to have gotten married and had a kid and everything," he waved his hand like this was not a tremendous thing to be admitting. Might have loved his wife. Oh boy. "But she's taking my decisions out on you and it's not right and it's not fair."

"I don't - "

"If you say you don't mind, kid, I'm gonna figure out a way to kick your ass," Tony swore. "You matter, your persona matters to the public and the shareholders, your favorite things matter even when they're just blankets, and you matter enough to me to be able to see your own god daughter."

"I - thank you," Peter replied softly, curling into the couch with a not-as-cozy blanket draped over him. "I don't know what to say to that."

"Just accept it."

Peter chuckled. "I can do that."

A sweet smile was spread across the space between them, warm and something. After a moment, Peter asked, "So what exactly did your C&D say?"

"The majority of it was just getting her to stop her public and private attacks on you," Tony started. He sat on one of the couch cushions and it was weird seeing it not sink in with his weight. "There was a second petition as well, to get visiting hours with Morgan. I hope, uh," he looked truly nervous here. "I hope you don't mind. I really think you'll love her, Pete." His eyes were earnest as he said this, not really looking for acceptance to an apology that wasn't given. Tony wanted Peter to know his daughter and Peter wanted that too.

"Of course I will," Peter smiled. "She's part you, remember?"

[fortruechaos]

After Maria dies in front of him a second time Shadow wanders. He knows there's something he has to do. It's something he doesn't want to do, but he knows he must. He knows it's not a feeling he's meant to feel but it doesn't mean anything else when all he can identify is his rage. The inhibitor rings mean nothing to him now, all this Chaos in his blood is simply ichor fuel. He approaches the empty square the rocket he had once taken to the ARK long ago. He circles it. He would take an IV to his veins if it could fuel that rocket with his Chaos-infused blood. It has to be good for something.

Legs move mechanically around and around that abandoned square of concrete. There's no rocket here anymore. How can I get to the ARK? How can I get to the ARK so I can crash it into the planet? I already got all the Chaos Emeralds, so that part's already done. I already blew up Prison Island. That fake hedgehog. He pauses to realize he has the green Chaos Emerald on him and reaches into his quills to pull it out and looks at it like it's a stranger, holding it up to pale moonlight, thinking, "It all starts with this--," but that was years ago. The Emerald goes back into his quills. That's fine. He can make amends now. For Maria. Maria who died in front of him a second time and this time it was just his fault with no one else to blame. Vengeance...

He's still walking in the same loop. Around a worn-in piece of concrete with some faded paint on it. GUN hasn't used this outpost in years. He's something more of a skeletal creature with his arms hanging all ball-jointed like at his sides than he is hedgehog. I have to get to the ARK. Walk. I can't get to the ARK, so I'll just walk. Around and around like a vinyl. How many broken records are on-board the ARK right now, the ARK that he will crash into the planet? It's what Maria wants him to do so he will do it. Ungrateful humans. A sneer in his heart behind sunglasses; a sneer belonging to the Professor.

Shadow's not even looking anymore. Seeing but not, eyes half-lidded, the jets in his skates turned off as he plods heavily around the same stretch of square. The same half-piece of fern in the broken concrete greets him for the n-teenth time. How can I get to the ARK? Lab experiment turned weapon and Shadow likes to do what the Professor tells him to do so he will think on it some more; don't worry, Professor. Plodding on all Godot-like, waiting, waiting waiting--

A million years that feel like one night pass. Spent shuffling like moving shadow on the ground, time tracked only by the slinging motion of his fingers at his side. He takes the Emerald out from his quills and looks at it again. He's been walking for so long the sun is coming up now and he's still walking; Shadow catches a reflected ruby eye in the transient green cut of jewel. Somehow this startles him back into something resembling person-hood. The first real feeling that is his own is fear, again. He's had enough of that. Shadow crouches and shakes again, hand clutching the Emerald furiously, clinging to that source of Chaos like a lifeline. It pushes and floods into his palms, bells ringing in battery-operated eardrums, neurons firing, remembering the truth, just one hedgehog all by himself on an abandoned launchpad. I have to get to the ARK but I don't want to. I am so afraid of what will happen if I do.

Eventually exhaustion takes him and he collapses. The Chaos of the Emerald at combat with his damaged psyche. The Emerald clatters onto asphalt, fingertips just barely brushing smooth gemstone. Shadow is grateful when he faints. He does not faint often. He does not dream. It is welcome.

Shadow wakes to a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing. Somehow, it's Sonic. Idiot. "No," he half-says half-moans with despair, pushing his face into the ground as hard as he can, somehow himself again. "NO...!! Fuck you, this is your fault!" It's easy for him to blame someone that isn't him right now--the hand on his shoulder releases. Shadow can hear a whispered oh boy, and his head flies up to shoot daggers at a wilting smile on Sonic's face.

"She's okay," Sonic offers, voice a million degrees removed from the reality of the situation, and Shadow's hands turn into fists as he pushes himself up onto his elbows into an arced fetal position and screams--screams because he's himself again and for what he's done, fully cognizant, the Professor's hold on him slipping into the shade of his heart again. His scream asks Why did I do that and What do I have to do to be free? and If I am the Ultimate why am I so afraid of myself still? And then he gets up, wipes his mouth with the back of a hand, and reclaims his Emerald. A stifled, scuffed breath through his nose. Shadow's shoulders rise and fall. He clears his throat, line that is his mouth shifting. He's all business. He's the Ultimate Lifeform.

"Where is she."

[riddlesmoon]

stop using character.ai. i know youve heard it before, i know you want to keep using it because youre lonely, or scared of being called cringe or made fun of, or you dont trust anyone enough to open up about your kinks, or people posturing about ai have gotten on your nerves because all they do is shit on you for using it without addressing why you actually want to use it! i get it, ive been there. still, with all the love i have, i promise you, there are better options that dont dubiously scrape from other peoples work or use a metric fuck ton of electricity. or has a shitty ass filter that stops you from progressing beyond heavy petting 😒

1. at the very least, if you are still insecure about your writing skill or dont want to involve other people, you can run an LLM on your own machine. the less people use big websites like char.ai (especially those that try to monetise themselves and thus have an incentive to expand as big as possible), the less servers they will buy (and keep running all the time, unlike a locally-run ai that you only turn on once in a while!). everything is stored locally too, so trust, no one will judge you. but i know it requires a fairly beefy pc (though i think there are some mobile options too? your phone might also have to be beefy tho im not sure i havent tried) so if you cant do that, a secondary option is to use a smaller site which doesnt plan to monetise (as in large-scale advertising and premium plans. nearly all sites will have a paid plan to support their servers, but these should be like donations rather than something that locks major features behind a paywall) since that still reduces the demand for char.ai's servers. (and you might say well it just moves demand to another site but i think char.ai is probably the worst with its premium plan. its better than nothing!) not to mention most sites that dont limit your content generally arent looking to monetise. cuz advertisers would not really want to work with that lol

2. rp with someone. i knowww this is scary and a lot of people have bad experiences. unfortunately, such is the mortifying ordeal of being known. trust me, i did not grow up roleplaying, i have only rped with real people like, less than 5 times. but it still makes the best content: when you can find someone you agree with, you can share some of the thinking and planning workload with them, they might come up with ideas you didnt, and every sentence they send is thought out and intentional. but yes, finding that perfect partner is hard, and it may not last. something something friendships. (also if everyone has the same reasons to use char.ai, it means youre all kindred spirits! CRINGEred sprits! your cringe partner might be out there!!)

3. write it yourself. i know this one is hard especially for beginner writers. what you write doesnt match up to what you have in your head. but if youve used ai extensively youll know half the shit they say doesnt match up to what you have in your head either. you mightve spent more time editing their responses. thats a good sign that you want to and can write! and theres plenty of people willing to look over and beta your work, whether for grammar and spelling or to smooth out major plot points. of course its harder to find the latter, but i would say its easier than finding the perfect rp partner, since they dont necessarily have to be entirely invested in your story.

ai chatbots are far from perfect anyway. they make a ton of mistakes, not least because they learn from prompts given by the bot creator, which simply cannot encompass knowing the actual media in your head because bots have a limits to how much info they can retain. even in a single rp, if it gets too long, they will start to forget details. if youre an aspiring writer and dont mind fixing those as you go, you can definitely dive into writing your own fics instead. i believe in you!

and if youre still scared of being called cringe or exposing your deepest darkest fantasies, message me and we can work something out. im pretty open to the craziest stuff and im already like bottom-of-the-barrel cringe in fandoms as a yumejo (selfshipper), so trust, youre not getting ANY judgement from me. i also like beta'ing cuz it fulfils the urge to write without having to think of plot and shit LMAO. or you can pay me to write the full fic idk

so yeah lets get out of this ai hole together!!! 💪

(and if youre not really looking to rp or write seriously, or are lazy and just pop into char.ai for a short convo or two, i cant exactly stop you, but just think about what youre doing. there are better hobbies i prommy. love you)

[gingerpeachtea]

tell me about mr burning suns fic NEOW!!!!! (if u want to!)

(wip list game!!!!)

YAAAYAYYAYSYYAYSYSYYAYAYY feeling HIGH after talking about siye SO LETS GO!!!!!!

siye is my FUCKING BABY but this is like. my moulin rouge baby

it is so incredibly laurel ocd fic in terms of projection not telling u which illness tho u gotta guess like it’s hangman. it’s like an if u know u know situation. u know?

cannot give u a snippet i fear because i have genuinely posted half the fic at this point and i’m not exaggerating LMAODKWD i just love this fic so much i want to SHARE IT!!!! but it’s not DONE!!!

it’s the only moulin rouge fic i’m anywhere close to finishing. it took me a WHILE to know where i wanted to start it, if i wanted to write the Before It Gets Bad and create a buildup, or if i wanted to start right in the thick of it. you’ll see which i chose when i post it i guess LMAO. actually no bc i ❤️ talking. i chose to start kind of right in the thick of it after providing wider context for the point the characters are at post-canon, SPECIFICALLY because i was struggling with creating more tension and buildup to The Big Moment in siye and i spent so much time struggling to figure that out that i went IM SICK OF THIS SHIT!!!!! and just put y’all right in the middle. (or the end. of the show. bohemian rhapsody. (……kind of. you’ll see. it’s kind of like if u took bohemian rhapsody and like. did an interpretive dance* of it instead of doing the show that we’re shown in the show (“the show” being moulin rouge of course. because i have explained this so logically))

(*and by “did an interpretative dance of” i do of course mean forgot absolutely everything and started making shit up. because i forgot that the plot of bohemian rhapsody is just. the fucking plot of moulin rouge)

i rly wanted to post it when i saw mr for the second (…third???? consult my intermission fics on ao3 idk) time on july 26th but i was busy with my stupid gay (actually wonderful and very enjoyable) job and like. being at broadway con. so. that didn’t happen. and then i Continued being busy with my stupid gay actually wonderful and very enjoyable job and then SCHOOL. and then i got my ASS BEAT. and i just got done getting my ass beat (am finally on break) so i WANT to finish it so bad before i go back but i do unforchies have to prioritize finishing a mike fic by jan 12th for his birthday sooooooo who knows!!!

SOMETNING IVE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WITH THIS FIC FOR SO FUCKING LONG. somebody said at some point in time SOMEWHERE (probably on tumblr IF YES AND ONE OF U KNOWS THE POST SEND PLS!!) that christian starts off the musical as an optimist and ends as a pessimist and satine starts off as a pessimist and ends as an optimist. prob phrased differently than that but ARARARAIAIUARARRAIAUZUSHGAGHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!! YES BITCH YEAAYYAAGHHHHHH U GET IT!!!!!! fuck ill vomimit i lvoe them so much FUCKMTLIGFE okay back to being coherent

WAIT IT MIGHTVE BEEN BEA THAT SAID RHAT??? bea if ur reading this did u say that???? anyways

that is SOOOOOOOO something i wanted to let influence their characterization in this fic!!!! this shift in perspective/outlook for the two of them is essentially the spark that lights their argument. you can see christian’s inclination towards pessimism in this snippet (which i’ve already shared at some point so🫡 sharing it again):

LIKE BITCH….. christian not being able to trust that she would be honest with him about her residual (#CHRONIQUE) illness…… AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN…… SATINE KNOWING BETTER AND TRUSTING CHRISTIAN…… JESUS FUCK!!!!!

analyzing the fic before i even post it 😭😭 very me behavior unfortunately. like yeah i would dissect a single exchange of dialogue for like an entire paragraph instead of actually writing the fic

anyways turns out when i run out of snippets to share i just start talking. where is pitbull hope wveryone enjoyed that lemme find it

[sometipsygnostalgic]

still only 4 minutes into s2e4 but...

i refuse to say arcane s2 is "bad" because queer animation is being shot behind the shed right now, we're not going to see anything like this again in a very long time. but of the three and a bit eps ive seen so far, it's all been... Things Happen, instead of characters driving events.

the jinx scenes have been incredible, she's definitely the highlight, i love the warmer approach they've taken with her and the other lady working together, it feels natural, but everything involving the other characters feels so rushed and hollow.

specifically it seems every cait and vi scene has a budget of nothing. half of it is fairly cheap montages and everything seems to be exposited instead of naturally shown. like yeah they did a good job of showing why cait so desperately wants to shoot jinx. and i thought the reveal that the previously shown poison gas was the cops was great! but since then it just seems like we're not allowed to get into their heads.

like, why does vi NOT want to be an enforcer? why is it then enough for a couple of nice cops to talk to her? though i can infer she feels responsibility for the attack that ambessa the other underground gang performed on the event later. also who the fuck is the cop with the shield? what is his deal? but we don't get time in vi's head. we don't see her revolving all these thoughts around, she changes her mind about stuff in split second moments because there's no time.

and cait. she is the worst offender by far. her reactions seem very extreme because they need to be, not because being extreme is any sort of established part of her character. I am constantly comparing Cait to Glimmer from She-ra, but that's because everything Cait's doing here is exactly how Glimmer reacted after the Horde got her mum killed, except Glimmer had all that darkness as a pre-established part of her, and they spent a long time showing it being encouraged by Shadow Weaver. Meanwhile with Cait, a good hearted cop who has shown NO desire for corruption or power thirst... she's turning on her friends immediately, and we are TOLD that Ambessa is leading her astray, we are never SHOWN this. It's very clear this is because there needs to be a plot, not because any care is being given to Cait as a character. It's very disappointing.

i do love that scene in s2e1 with jayce carrying viktor to the room to save him. the way that was shot, with us watching present and immediate future jayce react to viktor's body, it was amazing. that is a great example of cinematography and storytelling without dialogue - he was so terrified!!!

i have no idea what's going on in viktor's head now though. we've spent very little time with him. to me it seems like he's being brainwashed with an image of the assistant who was killed, a lot like the one guy from Scavenger's Reign who was brainwashed by the fat alien with a hallucination of his dead wife. but we only get a 3 second glimpse of this whereas Scavenger's Reign spends many episodes on it.

Ekko may as well not exist at the moment.

[quitepossiblybamboozled]

do y'all ever think about how Bev saved the Green Teens from being ritualistically sacrificed, received a very middling letter from his father about his Junior Green Knight graduation that said his efforts were "extremely satisfactory" or some shit like that, then spent like. idk a few weeks on the way to Galaderon, took down a drug boss in Ezry, almost got fucking killed by a literal god with Tonathan after finding out that his hero betrayed their shared faith, finally made it home with two shattered legs, saw his parents again for the first time in like a month—a long fucking time for a fifteen-year-old boy—then his dad was IMMEDIATELY cursed with blindness and framed for murder, Bev V fought in Bev IV's place in a trial by combat, nearly died AGAIN, uncovered the level of corruption in the Chosen, fought a fucking dragon, broke his father out of prison, watched his other childhood hero get beheaded in front of him, escaped the castle, saw his home destroyed, teleported his dad and the other Green Knights and Green Teens to the faewild with a fucking magical kiss with his boyfriend that he somehow had time to get, went on another quest to Frostwind, was almost killed again in a near Total-Party-Kill at Smuggler's Bounty, fought and took down a fucking dragon after seeing it down all of his friends, went to the faewild and learned that 25 years had passed, had to come to grips with the fact that he, Derlin, and Cran would no longer be able to share the same bond, kissed one boy in the faewild, watched Hardwon die (for real), fought a queen with mind powers who fucking tortured him over the kiss with the rando faewild boy, found out his father had gone mostly insane and still didn't fucking have enough faith in him to trust his son's abilities so he made a fucking deal with Akarot through that same queen on his fucking 16TH BIRTHDAY, then had to watch Hardwon die (again), dive into Shadowfell, watch Hardwon die a-fucking-gain and come back as a vampire, literally fucking fight Hardwon, take down the Montgomerys, watch Deadshot die, watch Jvelin die, then went and fought a Kraken, took down Galad (again), saw Hardwon reincarnated as a half-elf, reunited with Erlin and immediately confessed about the kiss (as he should have), got to speak with Martha for like 5 minutes, found a book from Bev IV that instructed him on how to take him down, then had to leave immediately to go to Gladehome to fight in a wizard tournament where he was nearly killed by yet another fucking dragon

AND SOMEWHERE IN ALL OF THIS HE GOT BALNOR (love u Balnor I didn't forget you I just didn't know where to fit you in. you keep enjoying that Bud Heavy; it's a walking day)

I'm only on episode 72, and I am SO scared to find out what the next 28 episodes hold for this boy

[fagcrisis]

poppy war thoughts, aka this book was so bad it made me want to get a goodreads account just so i can shit on it in an official capacity

so what initially sold me on this book, is that despite my friend ellis absolutely hating rf kuang's babel, ive only ever seen raving reviews for it anywhere else, and a brief description of its magic system reminded me of gergő és az álomfogók. i love that mainstream fantasy is finally starting to rely on drawing from cultures other than the sort of western mainstream and i was actually super excited to get into it. well it sucked (this contains spoilers obviously)

its 11 am this is not gonna be very structured but let me start off by listing some things i did enjoy. first of all its low hanging fruit and im better than this so im only gonna shit on tpw for being so directly about the sino chinese war that the only actual interesting bits of exposition in the book was what was just a description of actual events a Little bit. listen lotr is about ww2. its fine its all fine. anyway, i had fun with the bits of worldbuilding that were yk, actually worldbuilding. the magic system was really interesting and just super not explored enough, the book handled drug addiction about as sensitively as the dare program, but nevertheless it was a cool concept. shamans who have to get high as hell do do anything and then putting those guys in a combat setting is crazy. really fun concept. speaking of shamans i loved jiang. his archetype is impossible to fuck up and he was loveable and fun till the very end. uhh what else. the fight descriptions were good its something kuangs is decent at, as someone whos watched just truly an inordinate amount of wuxia as a child i rly can appreciate a stupid convoluted fight scene. oh i found it hysterical that the west was just one country that was really fun.

NOW ONTO THE SHIT I HATED

rin is incredibly unlikeable i know its not the point of every book ok but tpw isnt good enough to have a protagonist who is just impossible to relate to this isnt 1984 okay this is contemporary ya. i GET that she sucks and thats the point but im supposed to emphatize with her and throughout the book she just seemed stupid and easy to manipulate and not very interesting. shes an incredibly shallow character which is i guess what happens when you base your ya teenage girl protagonist on CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY MAO ZEDONG. HELLO. anyway. all her personal relationships are very much carried by the strenght of the characters close to her, and because most characters in this book are not very interesting that makes for a shitty fucking protagonist.

most of the conflict in this book is extremely artificially generated until maybe the second half of part 3. everyone in rins life is unnessecarily mean to her because shes just so smart and good at things. the part where they accused her of cheating on the exams and she owned them like crazy came to define much of the book. some kind of mean cunt whose purpose in life is to cause misery is an asshole to rin bc shes so smart and strong and talented, and she owns them with a witty remark. she punches nezha on the first day of school for fucks sake.

speaking of the school, the majority of the book is spent at sinegard academy and it is an extremely predictable and dull affair. i long for the wizard of earthsea. kuang is not a very good writer on a technical level and everything that she tries to imply she ends up spelling out (usually by having a character say it out loud) only a couple pages later. you can get through 2/3rds of this book by just reading every other page and correctly guessing what has happened and what will happen. in possibly the funniest paragraph of part 2, rin thinks about how everybody thinks altan is the coolest guy and yet he has no friends and at this point shes been experiencing quite severe racism from all of her peers and then instead of leaving you to figure out the quite obvious conclusion kuang literally has her say "oh his skin is dark and mine is too. i wonder if he knows what racism is like" just, truly hysterical.

her feud with nezha is unbearable, i knew immediately that he would become a romantic interest because a ya protagonist cannot hate a boy for perfectly good reasons. it always has to be bc shes horny. anyways thankfully when she starts studying with jiang, jiang is there and the terrible dullness of it all is lifted somewhat

as i mentioned before, the actual historical elements in the book elevate it greatly and the third part is almost enjoyable in some sections. however, unfortunately, this is also the part of the book where rin and altans darkling situation begins. i have a sinking feeling altan may not have died, which sucks because i hated this bit. they have virtually no relationship to eachother except altan yelling at rin occasionally. now again there were bits and pieces of their relationship that i didnt quite hate, but honestly i still dont entirely buy the rin is a seerly thing emotionally because she is so detached from it. the revelation only seemed to shock her a little bit and then she was busy with being at war and her boss hating her, when she actually gains the power of the phoenix at the very end its her own hatred and egoism fueling her rather than any connection to her people. overall this again comes back to her being quite weak as a character, and the worldbuilding suffers as a result of that

in any case, ill mull over continuing the series. the ending was actually quite strong i love a genocide as a result of being a stupid fucking 19 year old (dont quote me on this please), so maybe the next one is better maybe ms kuang learned to write inbetween these 2.

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

Thinking about Elena [& Muro] and i think ive roughly figured out how it works out now i have 1. changed Elena leaving Napule to her staying and 2. shifted the whole fucking timeline by 5 years. this gets long

Elena, while hanging out with the rough crowd, kept far cleaner than either Celia or Tesoro, and when she did involve herself was smart enough to avoid being noticed, meaning that when she distanced herself to focus on getting the art scholarship, she had no criminal record or large enough criminal reputation to impede her, and Celia & Tesoro both respected her stepping back.

When Elena does get the scholarship after much hard work, she goes basically no contact with the rest of them after making it clear she wants a fresh start at life, but she keeps a line of contact open just in case

Elena says in Napule for her art degree, staying in uni accommodation partially to avoid the neighborhood and separate Elena the up and coming art student from Elena Spina... gang member and in most eyes, Tesoro's second.

While she successfully avoids contact with Celia/Muro, she caves fairly quickly into getting decent weed from Tesoro talking with Tesoro, keeping a strict no criminal shit policy but enjoying Tesoros gossip about random day to day shit thats going on and having him as a shoulder to lean on. Tesoro graciously only mentions about half the times Celia locks herself in her room and crys to the mix she made for Elena. [I need a time machine to get 19 yr old no contact with Elena for good reasons but still gutted Celia all of Adeles albums. for science.]

Elena spends her time at uni reveling in having more money and time to spend on her art, and making connections. She makes some good friends, but the double whammy of being from the neighborhood she was and a stand user lead to a certain distance she kept people at, but mainly she didn't want to hand out her highly incriminating tragic backstory to anyone

adept at social situations and having spent years practicing her art with bad materials and so threw herself into learning at a higher level, she quickly became a rising star, landing places in galleries and once she graduated, was able to live on her own off her works.

The world of art, especially making money out of it, is cutthroat and ripe with nepotism and pulled strings, but Elena refused to borrow Tesoro's influence for all but situations where she was directly in danger [A mob hit is strangely easier to cover up than being torn apart by living plants, though it helps that the plants her stand create can dispose of the bodies]

One day when traveling for a gallery showing, she comes across a stand fight between a speedwagon agent and an agent of dio, while its managed without her, that she could see stands and saw what happened meant she needed to be talked to, and she was curious about more stand users. This leads to her being in regular contact with the Speedwagon foundation, and eventually becoming a part time agent

Still in contact with Tesoro, she eventually bumps into Muro a few times visiting her family, and while its awkward, they do still care about each other deeply and Muro is very happy for her success [and only looking a little like a kicked dog about it, look getting broken up with and then no contacted by the love of your life to start a new life is understandable but fucking hurts man]

Eventually they actually sit down and talk [significant likelyhood of Tesoro shenanigans] and Elena finds Muro a really good shoulder to cry on, another person who deeply understands her life and really wants her to keep pursuing her dreams, like the rest of them never could.

They talk a few more times, eventually meeting regularly, and while they never formalize a relationship there is an unspoken bond of sorts, both of them confiding in each other [Elena partially getting rid of the no criminal talk rule] and being sweet and tender and in love<3

This goes on for a whilee. i would say its pretty casual but they are like. both trying very hard to act like it is and its so not. Elena comes over for breakfast. Muro gets snuck in after closing to a viewing of her works. Cherry finds out and teases the everloving shit out of them. Elena turns into the speedwagon agent monitoring Muros group and neglects to mention that shes not just regularly making out with the man himself but has a standing invitation to breakfast at his.

This is the status quo, lots of tender moments and playful flirting & teasing, as well as deep late night heart to hearts. Elena tries her best to balance her art career with not letting her past [and present] associations slip, and Muro turns into a mushy mess whenever shes near<3

Muros death, as well as Tesoro and Conficcares, hits her really fucking hard, causing her art to change direction and her to withdraw for quite a while. The near fact that if she hadn't gotten lucky and gotten that scholarship, there would have been a fourth coffin with her in it, shakes her to her core, but its something shes been wrestling since she first distanced herself from them. Her reconnection with them, while making her grief all the more painful, at least means she did get to know who they became.

She does in some part guide Cecio and Rametta, and throws herself into her art and her speedwagon work, but while she will have to carry that grief for the rest of her life without being able to truly tell most people about it, she lives a long and happy life, living it, in part due to those she loves who couldn't.

[epaily]

fuzzy and the terrible horrible fuckass testday he did NOT wantt to to but had to anyway

I DID NOT FORGET I PROMISED

reader bewarb this this shit is long may or may not be hard to follow because i talk about (my) degree jargon

ok lessgo

to begin. you need context. theres an organization (one for every country im assuming) that issues tickets stating "X CAN WELD" or else some schmuck with a helmet can walk in and work.

theres a ticket for every process in every position and then some. it was these tickets i was testing for today and i was WILDLY unprepared. it isnt the first time ive done them but i was super out of practice. they are flat, horizontal, vertical and overhead.

so cut to february, the last time we did tickets. remember when i wanted to end it all because i failed a test i spent a hundred dollars on? yeah this was one of those. i failed my horizontal so this time around i thought "i dont wanna do my fuckign horizontal cause last time i failed and i felt like shit so im gonna do my vertical instead"

what no one told meeeee was that you have to get your tickets in position order. and i KNOW i take forever and a day, hence me only doing one.

well i didnt do one. i did two. i have no idea if i passed or failed them and tbh im too scared to check because i was completely out of fucks two beads into my vertical.

but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

the test sheets had to be reprinted twice because the first go around they missed imputting someone into the system and the second time around someone got lost, and then got registered twice. great lovely. so because of this all of our test plates were wrong because we all got new assigned numbers.

we finally get our sheets we go and pay and while im in line in the bookstore to pay for my test (remember this) guess what fucking hit me. the cramps i had spent all night hoping for. at 8:30 in the morning. litterally 2 hours behind schedule. i was FURIOUS. so now i had that to deal with all day thankfully ive had worse but because they didnt arrive on time i have full permission to bitch as much as i want.

so back to the shop. i was trying to set my peremiters for my vert so i hadnt even started yet when my instrucor pokes his head into my booth and says "(tester) wants to see you" so i go and thats when i find out that you have to do the tests in order. so i tack and stamp up some new plates which was probably the least annoying part of the whole day

so i do the new plates first. welding it out goes relatively fine. it took forever to find an instructor to verify it but whatever.

AND THEN I GO TO GOUGE THE BACKING STRIP OFF.

i could not. for thee fucking life of me. unscrew the cutting tips from the oxy torches. ive seen people do it. ive done it. it is Not Hard. i used a wrench n all on all 3 tables and it would Not Come Off. so i said to hell with this and went to the carbon arc room.

carbon arc cutting is using specialized electrodes to vaporize metal. you drag it over metal and it carves into it. fast and easy.

but i of course had a hell of a time doing it like i do anything and it was Not Working. by the time i did figure out what i was doing wrong there were carbon deposits coming out the yahoo and it which are difficult to gouge through. so i had half of it very nice and the other half a melted amalgamtion of metal and didnt gouge very much off. great.

so i finish that. away i go back to my booth. to grind for the next i dont even know how long because oh my fucking god SO much grinding. im not big enough to use the 7 inch grinders so i have to use a 5 inch one which is yk what let me just show you

these are all cordless but you get the fuckin gist.

what everyone else got to use vs what i got. dying.

so i finally fucking got it flush. cut it. not a big deal. onto the second one at 1:30. i feel like i should mention that at this point everyone else has been done for like two hours.

i didnt even start welding until like 10ish so i was already 2 hours behind everyone only doing one plate. most everyone else did 2 and so did i BUT I ONLY WANTED ONE

my vertical was so bad i was way too hot and shaking and i didnt put them in in a very good order i would genuinely be surprised if it didnt snap. i needed a practice one but i had No Time so it was messy and the cap was large and my rods were sticking so i was frustrated aND OH THATS SOMETHING IM FORGETTING

some electrodes need to be baked/stored in an oven to keep moisture content low. when i ran out i went to get more and the oven was empty so ithought i'll be a good samaritan and fill it up AND I GOT THE BOX THAT SAID. 3/32ND. MATCHES THE OVEN. AND I OPENED IT. AND IT WAS THE WRONG KIND OF ELECTRODES.

and once you open these they cant be resealed they need to be either used or cooked within 4 hours.

so i started stuffing as many electrodes into the oven as i could and in my haste i sliced both my fucking hands open. i didnt even notice the cut on my right palm because the one on my left pointer finger was just gushing blood all over soaking my glove and getting over the electrodes (absolutely my fault btw i should of been wearing gloves. i deserved this one) and so i stopped and said i need to handle this. so away i went. bandaged now all good. just again. annoyed. and i still didnt have any 7018s.

i found some. eventually. fuck.

i finished my second test at idk 2:30 or maybe a bit later, begged one of the instructors to mill the back off for me because i was NOTTT doing the carbon arc/ grinding for forever again. once it was done bc time crunch i p much just got to look at and get excited over the smooth mill peices before my instructor whisked it away to grind/cut himself. which - i understand completely time crunch im slow i get it im not bothered.

and then we cleaned up. and i was talking to the tester a little bit before i left and he said "glad you paid because theyre checking who didnt hoho"

now. guys. recall at the start of the post where i said that 2 tests are a hundred bucks. and i only paid for one.

i did one of my tests for free afusdiaksoqondiakdka. he said he'd get the paperwork later and he never did 😭

then. fucking FINALLY it was 3 and i got on the bus and came home and i was so spent i had an alcoholic freezie. i dont drink.

i should of fucking stayed home.