#ive played sooo much of this game. i think about these guys Often

[oceanwithouthermoon]

Talking about Saiki and SA here a bit, btw, just a warning~

Thinking about how you said Saiki was a victim of SA and you’re literally so right. I feel like people sometimes just blow right past the fact that Kusuke is like that with his brother, but I think it can add a lot to interpretations of his character. But even if it only goes as far as what is shown in canon — which I almost doubt — it still remains the fact that Kusuke is doing all of that knowing fully well that his brother can hear him. It’s literally sexual harassment.

People point it out more often with Teruhashi and her brother (back to the reasons you said, people think it’s more serious if it happens to women). But the things he does, that’s all sexual harassment. And yet when Kusuke does similar things, it’s often brushed aside. Just,,, a bit crazy to me.

(And that’s not even mentioning when people completely disregard this part of Teruhashi’s story and act like she’s one-dimensional,,, but that’s another story)

But all this to say you’re literally so right. Anyways love you mwah =^•w•^=

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I NEEDD PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MORE.

(heed the sa warning + abuse and incest warning before opening, i talk a LOT here.. im mostly just reiterating what happens directly in the manga though.. ALSO EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING..)

I always viewed kokomi and makoto + kusuo and kusuke as like.. paralleling each other ? not sure if thats the right word, but IMMEDIATELY when i saw both of these dynamics i made the connection.. i guess since it was so clear to me, i assumed that it was so obvious and on purpose that everyone else knew too, but so many people just.. ignore it..

i think most people that read/watch saiki k have recognized the fact that most main characters are meant to parallel or relate to saiki in at least some way, (if anyone who doesnt know what im talking about is reading this, im sure at least someone on here has done a better breakdown on that, i just.. dont know where to find that..) but this particular connection is one i dont see often and i genuinely believe that its almost entirely because of the whole "sexual assault/harassment isnt as serious when it happens to men as when it happens to women" thing.. most of the fandom acknowledge that what makoto does is awful and kokomi is a victim, so why is it different when its kusuke and kusuo ??

its EXACTLY the same.. what we see on screen with the saikis is WORSE, actually.. and what WE see from these two relationships isnt the full extent of what the two victims experience off screen, and i strongly believe that its heavily implied that both kokomi and kusuo have been through much worse with their brothers than whats shown..

we have no idea what kusuke couldve done BEFORE moving away and creating the telepathy canceler (and dont say that he couldnt have done anything cuz they were kids, cocsa [child on child sa] is still a thing and still valid, ESPECIALLY since they were both kid geniuses and kusuke definitely KNEW better.. but yea, kusuo implies that hes been like that for a long time, way before we ever saw them, sooo..) and its highly likely that whatever happened that we didnt see, before or after the move, was WORSE than what he does ON screen (i honestly dont want to think about what a guy with an incestual obsession with his brother does with cameras everywhere in his brothers home..) and what we see him do is already insane..

literally using his brother to get off, manipulating him and forcing him to play the games that give him sexual pleasure.. actually, speaking of, ive seen some people say that what kusuke does isnt really incest because the only reason he uses kusuo is because hes a masochist and kusuo is the only person that can overpower him.. this is a total misfire LOL, his upbringing alongside kusuo and his relationship with him is the REASON that hes a masochist, the ENTIRE REASON why thats what he gets off to.. its not just CONVENIENT that kusuo is there to get him off, he SPECIFICALLY seeks kusuo out and forces him to do things that give him sexual pleasure.. he believes that kusuo is the only person in the world that can ever give him sexual pleasure, what about that doesnt sound incestuous?

and one of the worst parts of it is, kusuo BARELY acknowledges how weird it is.. in fact, he's COMPLACENT in a lot of the games, obedient even, being bribed into them the same way he does with simple things like bringing kuniharu to work.. this is the biggest reason why i believe the off-screen stuff is probably worse, because kusuo is obviously conditioned to think that letting your brother get off to you is just.. fine.. we hardly see him try to get away from this situation beyond simply calling him gross.. theres one moment during the cat tank situation where kusuke tries to get him to grab the limiter off of his crotch specifically so that he can see him in that position and kusuo looks terrified and cant do it, BUT its unclear whether the expression of fear was entirely his concentration because he didnt wanna break the limiter or because he didnt want to let his brother get off to that, and i think its mostly the former ? idk, i dont remember this part that well but im preeeetty sure..

he does acknowledge that MAKOTOS behavior is bad when he sees it, but he never thinks its a big enough deal that he needs to help her or anything, (except for maybe the okinawa situation) which i know is probably just for the sake of not letting the gag manga get too serious, BUT it can also be explained pretty easily by this whole thing.. the way kokomi is treated is literally the same way kusuo lives his life, even down to their incestuous brother being possessive to the point of berating their potential love interests.. (which in this case happened to be each other, kusuo and kokomi..)

so yeah, kusuo just. doesnt really know how bad it actually is ? or maybe he does, but doesnt acknowledge it because he doesnt WANT to.. him barely acknowledging it and being complacent is part of why some people dont really get that its sa and incest, but his complacency obviously plays a big part in how its effected him too, like thats purposeful.. like i said, hes been CONDITIONED not to acknowledge it..

to me, it looks like a classic situation in which kusuo doesn't acknowledge his trauma because he knows that if he did, it would change his outlook on his life, his family, and his childhood FOREVER. he would never be willing to tell anyone or ask for help on his own accord, and accepting that there was anything wrong in the first place means, to him, dealing with that issue by himself for the rest of his life.

why would he ever admit that anything was wrong if nothing would change either way? the only thing that WOULD change is HIM, and why would he want that? isnt it better to be blissfully unaware than to knowingly suffer in silence?

plus, he genuinely does love his brother and knows in the back of his mind that kusukes feelings toward him comes from their unhealthy upbringing and relationship and its more complex than just "hes an evil guy blah blah.." because he isnt really evil and kusuo KNOWS that.. actually, he might be the only person in the world who COULD understand..

so yeahhhh.. kokomi and kusuo are both CANONICALLY victims of sexual harassment.. (and incestual abuse at that..) and, by my interpretation, implied victims of sa as well !! (im not really sure where the line can be when it comes to this sometimes, like when your brother sniffs your bedsheets and rubs himself on them or gets off to you right in front of your face or tries to get you to grab something positioned over his crotch so he can see you in.. THAT position.. but i already said that its pretty likely that both brothers have gone farther than that off-screen..)

anywayyyy.. this is so important to me and i wish people would talk and write about it more instead of pretending it never happened and mischaracterizing every one of these characters, especially for the sake of a ship like i was talking about in my other post.. it sucks that people so often just cast kusuos canon issues aside..

[irlbkgs]

💖🎃🧸 for the ask game? with any f/os you wanna talk about !! :]

💖 - what's the nicest compliment they've ever given you? what's the nicest compliment you've ever given them?

adrian: sooo he kind of word vomits all the time which means a lot of his compliments are just like. jumbles of words that don't really make sense. that being said because he does word vomit a lot and he's naturally very affectionate that means there's like. no end to the compliments even if they're really simple or dumb. i think probably the nicest compliment he's given me was probably saying for how often i act stupid im actually not and he appreciates that at least at times i can help him with things he has little to no experience with. even if he's older he's still got things he knows nothing about.

as for nicest compliment ive given him its really hard to say because im not much of the type to compliment, it either makes me feel really shy or like i dont know if the words im using are right so i just Dont. but i def try more with my partners bc ik its unfair to never compliment them, especially in adrian's case bc he does it all the time. i try to give him little ones just on his appearance and stuff but i think the one he probably appreciated most was just me telling him he's fucking fantastic at dnd. like dming or playing a character, he's great at roleplaying and voices and coming up with things to move the plot along and memorizing actions and spells etc etc. im fucking dogshit at all of it so its like watching the grandmaster of nerd shit do his thing and not break a sweat. very cute but also very impressive.

daryl: now for daryl, we're both on the same page with compliments. he doesn't know how to choose the right words and he isnt very good with emotional stuff so his compliments mostly consist of "you look pretty" if i dress up or "good job" whenever that's applicable. one of the compliments that he's given me that rly stuck out tho was literally just him appreciating me being patient with him bc i wouldn't consider myself a patient person in general but when it comes to emotional stuff i try to give him as much grace as possible bc i also want some myself. we're both super stunted in that department so i try to be lenient lol

nicest compliment ive given him is probably in a similar vein, ive thanked him at least a couple times for taking care of me bc he really doesnt have to but its something that really feels special to me bc i cant remember the last time ive had somebody actually do that for me. actions speak louder than words for me as well so simple shit like letting me get extra rest, cooking and cleaning up make me just as happy as a compliment.

🎃 - have you guys ever carved pumpkins together? do you visit a pumpkin patch, or buy one from the store? or maybe you grew it? what would your pumpkins look like?

adding billy to this one bc its halloween stuff lul

billy: obviously he's a big halloween guy but funnily enough i wasnt allowed to celebrate halloween growing up for religious reasons so stuff like carving pumpkins feels special but also very tedious to me bc there's zero nostalgia and i dont think billy would care much for that specific tradition either. i might drag him out to the patch to pick out some pumpkins for decoration but carving isnt likely to happen. apple picking however...he complains but he helps bc if he doesnt he gets no pie :>

if we did carve, his design would be way more detailed and better looking than mine. itd be like contest worthy. id just do one of those store bought designs and somehow butcher it anyways.

adrian: he is big on carving pumpkins!! but bad at it!! just as bad as me so its a lot of throwing guts at each other and then ruining our pumpkins so bad we cant even display them. we'd roast the seeds for a snack tho :3

daryl: we would not be doing allat but we would (if we could) watch some movies. im thinking alexandria era us would involve a lot of picking up any movies we find on runs and just watching anything we have, even if it has nothing to do with halloween. if we did have halloween movies, daryl would fucking haaaate my picks but deal with it bc he looooves me and id hate his too so its okay. he's def more of a serious horror fan whereas i like horror comedy.

🧸 - it's valentine's day! what stereotypical valentine's day gift does your f/o give you? a box of chocolates, perhaps a stuffed animal?

billy: at best, jewelry, maybe some plain little silver chain with his initial (possessive much?) but besides that i think he wouldn't go with a classic gift. he'd get movies, merch, knives, but roses? stuffies? god no. and i don't even like chocolate so that's def out of the question.

adrian: flowers for sureeee and possibly a stuffie if he was feeling extra. he'd get flowers with my favorite colors (pink and green) but he'd make sure they didn't mean anything bad before he got em bc he's slightly superstitious. stuffie would be of the hello kitty or skelanimals variety.

daryl: also probably wouldn't do a classic gift, but is again partial to jewelry. it would be nothing fancy, just a bracelet, but it would be handmade which would make it way more special. he'd get help from carol who probably learned to do stuff like that with sofia.

[papayasprout]

Traveler heights... but I assigned them based on vibes and gave them my personal favorite secondary jobs. H'aanit is the most effective Warmaster, Primrose is a Cleric, Therion's a Warrior, Alfyn is a Hunter, obligatory Sorcerer Cyrus, Starseer Ophilia my bestie, absolute standard Runelord Tressa, and my personal favorite Apothecary Olberic.

[vrisrezis]

Hello can i request a matchup for south park? First of all i have short wavy/curly dark brown hair with curtain bangs and brown eyes, tanned skin but not too tanned. I am 5'2 and wear contact lenses. I generally hate typing but i love calling with my friends if im really comfortable with them. I like playing videogames like league of legends, ghostrunner, assassins creed. And i sometimes play vrchat with friends. Im sometimes optimistic and is really into quotes sooo i hope im good at communicating. From what my friends say i can be sassy alot but most of the time its sarcastical well thats what they think. Anyways i play violin in an orchestra im really pro at it. I have two rats and an annoying little sister and a nice mom. My rats are like my children i love them so much and use msot of my money on them. I also generally like kid toys. I like slime a lot. Kid toys are fun to open and sometimes i play barbie with my figures. hehe. I like trolling a lot and pretending to be people. Although just because i seem like i have a normal life i have some cons. I suffer from severe depression & social anxiety + some attention problems. I struggle giving someone attention and listening to a person. Usually people can get mad or sad when i dont listen to them or daydream. I can often forget easily what people tell me due to not being concentrated at it. I also cant listen to someone without moving my hands like cracking them or moving a part of my body. I also usually can ignore someone easily without realising it. I also struggle communicating or socializing with peopple due to my social anxiety :) I got friends and i really open a lot to them but never my problems or anything! I dont wanna be annoying to them LOL. I go to psychology every week. I also go to a place once a month where u meet other people that also got some problems like you! Most of the time i go there so i dont stay in my room and so i can practice communicating with people. dayum bruh i got too emotional writing that. ANYWAYS i get connected to animals REALLY REALLY FAST. You literally cant take me to a pet store and let me look at them or pet them i will love them too fast and start crying for not getting them. I also get attached to people really quickly. I love music A LOT. I like dancepop and love dancing. I also like dressing up pretending im a model and take pictures lol. I like taking photos of beautiful stuff that i see in the streets or city and even nature. I love going camping and i also really like going on vacations. Sleeping is also something i do a lot!! Sometimes when i just wanna go away from everything i tend to go sleep to dream and do stuff in my dreams instead :). Im also a "witch" not really a witch but i tend to do tarot and witchcraft. Ive been studying for it about 3 years so id say im average at it. I also do subliminales and have also been doing it for 3 years! I used to do commissions and get a lot of money from it. I have a part time job at a restauraunt. I try to get as much as money for my rats and myself. :). I have to pay everything for my rats on my own so i need a job for that lol. My fav series are skins, rick n morty, bojack horseman and south park. I also have a smoking addiction im trying to get over :)) but i really think thats it LOL

Hello fellow bojack horseman enjoyer

I ship you with ..

Stan ! !

He would of course enjoy gaming with you, and video chatting if your comfortable. Stan also has a habit of being sarcastic, even without meaning to, so you guys can be sarcastic with eachother a lot. He thinks it’s cool you can play violin and he thinks the amount of care you put into your rats is sweet. He’s a sucker for animals, so this is a given. He kinda shrugs off your love for more childish things, not caring too much but also teases you about it. He totally trolls people online with you, but he doesn’t go too far with it like you might. He doesn’t care that you’re bad at listening too much, since he’s not much of a talker. He has a hard time too sometimes, he usually can just take you back to reality whenever you’re having that issue and he’s quick to realize what’s going on too. He tries to get you to open up more about your problems but understands if you don’t. He can relate to you on feeling attached to animals easily, not so much people though. He can’t say he shares your love for dancepop, but he does enjoy dancing with you regardless.

[thejugheadparadox]

ok i talked abt rossetti + elizabeth siddal’s self portrait as part of my art history final 2 years ago and i am dying to know about christina. please

CHRISTINA ROSSETTI!!! i honestly barely knew anything about the portrait before seeing that post i would love to know more. i am so fascinated by christina georgina rossetti born 1830 died 1894, so she’s like ridiculously quintessentially victorian, she basically never knew another monarch. when she was a child she was angry and had a lot of tantrums, her and her brother the painter one dante gabriel were know as the two storms whilst their others siblings maria and william were known as the two calms (suuch classic irritating twee victorian fake middle class art family shit but i find it faintly endearing). she dropped out of school at the age of 14 due to a religious breakdown, and never went back. during and after that she was really fixated on christianity especially anglo-catholicism and its very specific doctrines. she was REALLY into it in a way the rest of her family werent (except her sister who became a nun i guess). she’d been writing poetry since she was very young, cus she’s from this eccentric art dynasty they played writing games as kids and shit - her maternal uncle was john william polidori who wrote the first published vampire story and was lord byrons doctor if that rings any bells? that relation specifically is sooo interesting to me bc its about legacy and who you are remembered as and whether youre noticed and also maybe youre gay? yk. i love it. 

ANYWAYS. she was so into religion that it stopped her getting married twice. she was engaged to the prb painter james collinson for a bit but broke it off bc he reverted to roman catholicism and she couldnt be doing w that shit. she later got engaged to charles cayley and also broke that off for religious reasons! Or At Least Thats What They Say. she also turned down a possible proposal (ppl dont know if he proposed and the whole affair is a guess) from john brett, which she wrote a fun mean poem about called no thank you john. anyway she never married and she pursued lots of Things but none of them really went anywhere, she wanted to be a nurse w florence nightingale in the crimean war but got rejected, she worked with “fallen women” in her 30s and 40s. shes not one of those tragic figures who never knew fame while they were alive tho, she was pretty successful and released multiple collections. she was publicly antifeminist and declined to sign petitions in support of womens suffrage but wrote this one unpublished poem called from the antique that explicitly expresses her dissatisfaction with her limited life as a woman. 

she got ill lots, as is classic for old timey lady poets, like emily dickinson style. she got depressed lots and after her dad died her family didnt have much money. she wrote a lot about inadequacy, as a woman and as a person and most often as a servant of god (every fucking poem ends up about jesus i swear to god it gets annoying). her brother was more successful and her sister was more devout and she never seemed to get the things she wanted and she never really had any friends, especially female ones. almost every time she was published, it was by her brother, william michael, who also published her works en masse after she died, and we have explicit sources showing both her brothers would tell her not to publish poetry they deemed out of character or unwomanly. i dont mean to entirely demonise them as the Bad Guys of the story but i find it very.... interesting that when u look at her poetry that is available but not officially published there are both feminist poems and a couple of pieces that coiuld be interpreted as love poems towards women. there are (admittedly pretty unfounded as far as i can tell) theories that even more of them existed and were destroyed, but i should say we DO know that there are missing poems and destroyed scraps that pique ones interest i will say!

ive read her collected family letters and what stood out to me is HOW ridiculously fucking boring they are. i think theyre hiding something.. i am fascinated by all of it. she interests me. i have some kind of parasocial relationship with her and i feel like her work is SO easy to translate to modern day and what ppl our age are writing about like she wrote what is essentially lonely notes app poetry about religious guilt and sexual repression and hating herself like. god i sound like those ppl who say dantes inferno is fanfic but i think about it a lot and i think about her a lot and i would recommend a lot of her poetry... if anyone wants specific recs do ask. to me its a story about hiding and repression and wanting to be good. jesus christ okay u did not ask for this but youre getting it. you made me start thinking about her again this is on you. 

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

+++++++++

i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

[kareofbears]

Yo. . . Kiryu-chan!!! 💬

V oh my GOD ok hold on ill answer your ask and then ill shove my y0 thoughts under the cut since im pretty sure youre the only one who’s going to read it anyway hehe 

a quote that i’m proud of is probably going to be this line of akechi talking about his feelings for akira in my fic blinding lights: 

“I don’t know if what I’m feeling towards him is love. It’s possible. But just as possible as that is a simple, unencumbered infatuation towards him, an unhindered obsession.”

It’s pretty good! It captures everything that i believe akechi feels for akira in a few succinct sentences, and im proud of it because ive often rambled a lot during my writing (which im sure you can tell given the length of my asks lmfao) so the fact that it’s so concise and comprehensive makes me very happy

anyway its yakuza 0 time under the cut <333

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE AMOUNT OF TEARS THAT WERE SHED AT THE END GAVE ME A FUCKING HEADACHE OH MY GOODDDDDD V 

- the absolute heartbreaking scene of majima truly being lost at the fact that he doesnt know how to fucking help makoto!!!! that performance was fantastic and i really really felt for him and it probably solidified him being my favorite character (albeit narrowly--i love kiryu with my entire being.  he reminds me so so much of kageyama from haikyuu and todoroki from bnha uwu) 

- also mood to awano for taking eight bullets for majima; what a mood, i would also take eight bullets for him 

- KIRYU AND NISHIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN KIRYU WAS ABOUT TO KILL HIM AND NISHIKI SHOVED HIM OUT OF THE WAY BECAUSE “I’d follow you anywhere, and if you have to cross that line, i’ll cross it with you” MADE ME CHOKE UP SUCH A BEAUTIFUL LINE AND IM SO SO HAPPY AND EMOTIONAL GOD I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM

- also come on??? akira and ryuji is obviously nishiki and kiryu, tf? 

- also come ON, makoto and majima is SO akesumi like!! akechi dealing with the morality of killing a person not because hes about to kill a person but because he knows itll hurt sumire? stfu its beautiful

- also MAJIMA TALKING TO THE GUY ABOUT MAKOTO MADE ME SOB HOLY SHIT

- ‘can you protect her? do you love her? hurry it up.’ makes my heart clench

- and nothing will hurt me more than the fact that makoto has no idea what majima looks like, ever 

- and the WATCH

- DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE WATCH

- that was the point where i was well and truly shaking from crying i was destroyed 

- i miss tachibana ;-; 

- but that cut scene with nishiki and kiryu in the bar made me UwU i love them i love this game so much 

- and i listened to you, i didnt read the spoilers!! i was careful 

- turns out i only completed 19 percent of the game which is like wow but at least this gives me an excuse to keep revisitng it heheh 

- dont even talk to me about how fucking good majima looks in his thot ass outfit WHO GAVE HIM THE RIGHT

but this is where i have to make a confession... i watched the trailer of kiwami 1 and i was so incredibly put off. why is majima Like That. i get the yakuza 0 is the actual new game and kiwami 1 is the og game but why is majima like. fucking nuts? idk i was realy discouraged to play the next games because i love love love majima and do i really wanna play a game where it feels like his complexity and nuances are ripped away? idk, what do you think v?? is majima portrayed well in kiwami 1? if hes not, then i probably wont play the rest because this game is sooo close to my heart and its so full of love and good characters and i want my soul to stay in love with this game 

anyway i love yakuza 0. its been a looong time since ive encountered a game with this much heart and soul, to the point where id compare it to persona 5 to some extent

[sscoup]

til our paths cross

+ pairing: wonwoo x reader (gender-neutral) + genre: fluff + warnings: none

+ word count: 1k ,, give or take xd

+ an: this is so self indulgent so apologies if some things dont make sense,, its also the first fic ive posted for seventeen so im sorry if wonwoo is ooc.. ive lost inspiration and motivation to draw as ive been sick recently so ive decided to spew out my thoughts into words instead.. OKAY ENOUGH FROM ME PLS ENJOY <3

~ ~ ~

may comes in like a storm. that feeling of helplessness, of despair. a common theme during this time of the year. more often than not the feelings are inexplainable and usually come and go with no warning. although you’ve survived all the days you thought would be your last, this doesn’t stop the negativity that clouds your mind. recognising this, you decided to take some time for yourself to heal.

on the other side of town another person finds themselves in the same predicament. may comes in like a storm so he spends most of his time inside. the same routine, day in and day out. eat, read, game and sleep. over and over again. this simple routine had taken its toll on him and as much as he hated to admit it, he needed to go outside to refresh.

that same day he found you. sitting alone in a quiet cafe, reading a book with a half eaten dessert on your plate. your legs crossed and casually swinging back and forth to a tune only you could hear. the sun reflected its light on the puddles from the day’s recent rain, casting a soft ambient glow through the window and onto you. 

he released a breath he didn’t even realise he had been holding in. an angel, he thought to himself as he watched you from the sidewalk.

he felt that he had fulfilled his life in that moment. a single second in your presence and he was content. but he was feeling selfish, he wanted more, and that day he decided to act on his selfishness. he found himself inside the cafe, his feet automatically carrying him to your table. he had moved completely on impulse, his heart making decisions before his mind could even think about catching up. he stood stock still as his soul returned to his body, completely speechless as you looked up at him from behind your book.

you felt a chill run up your spine as you had just read a sweet scene from your novel, or maybe it was from the fast approaching figure headed straight for you. looking up, you snuck a glance at the guy. he had this goofy but endearing expression on his face, his mouth agape as if he was about to say something. his dark hair stuck out in a windswept way that made your heart skip a beat. his nose was slightly pink from the cold as it held up a pair of silver frames. behind his glasses were his eyes, cat like eyes that you swear held the stars in them. he was breathtaking.

may comes in like a storm and in a split second a flood of emotions passes you both. each unknowingly stirred by emotions that could only be described as hope. hope that for the first time in that month, things seemed to be looking up.

finding courage, he introduced himself as wonwoo and you introduced yourself in turn. not wanting to intrude and overstay his welcome, he kindly requested for the two of you to exchange numbers and he left, just as soon as he had arrived. you watched as he walked away, sharing one last smile and a wave as he disappeared around the corner.

try as you might, you found that you had completely lost focus on reading as your thoughts continued to drift and think about wonwoo. never in your life had you felt an immediate attraction to a complete stranger. it was a conflict of emotions as although you had just met him, at the same time you felt like you had known him forever. the soft smile you shared with him never left your face as you continued on with the rest of your day.

in his mind, wonwoo felt a flurry of giddy emotions pass through him. all he could think about and want to do was to spend all his time with you. yet the only thing he knew was your name. for the second time that day he let his feet take him wherever as his mind continued to think about you. smiling to himself he replayed the scene from earlier letting it burn and etch itself into his memories.

as he got settled back at home, he stared at his phone dumbstruck on what to say for his first text. you had beaten him to it. you sent a simple greeting and he jumped from the notification. for some reason he was comforted by the fact that you texted first, his anxieties about his introduction possibly creeping you out melting away from a single message.

you: hey there :)

ww: hii! i just realised it was kind of weird for a stranger like me to approach you at the cafe and ask for your number xd sorryy!

you: haha, it kinda was hey

you: all good though! i didnt get any weird vibes from you,, i think <.<

ww: not as weird as the book you were reading if im being honest :oo

you: hey! whats wrong with my book >:(

ww: nothing!! its actually one of my favourites lol :’)

ww: sooo, what else do you like to do besides read?

and from there the two of you stayed awake for the rest of the evening, excitedly awaiting for your replies. as the two of you talked you found that you shared similar interests in reading and occasionally playing games. it was actually comforting to talk to him as your conversation flowed into familiarity, both of your humour and sly teasing was easily understood and reciprocated by the other and it made your heart soar. after realising that your conversation had continued deep in the early hours of the morning, you both reluctantly said good night with an arrangement to meet for coffee the next day.

may comes in like a storm as you lied in bed thinking about the future and the hope that the kind stranger, wonwoo had miraculously brought into your life. on the other side of town he thinks of the same as he watched the early morning breeze gently sway through his curtains, looking forward to seeing you again.

[doc-pickles]

it’s nothing funny just to talk (p. 1)

What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out. - In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.

More Jolex on your timeline because y’all seemed to love what I posted before! Also I’ve posted this whole piece on AO3 as well so it might look familiar.  

this idea came to me in a fever dream and i am not sorry that y'all have to deal with it. 99% of this fic will be in "texting" format, so be prepared for that. 

Jo is regular Alex is italics

Saturday 11:04 PM

heeeeey is thiss doctor evil?

I gotta say ur phone sex namee needs sum weerk

u soud like a comic book village 

fuck

village

VILLAIN

Who the hell is this? And how did you get my number? 

i’m just a girl at thee bar!!!! 

Joe’s Bar?

noooooo

i’m at enerlad city bar

You didn’t answer my question. 

u asked a quesitoon?

whata was it?

i’m goos at takifjg tests 

How’d you get my number?

it qas in the bathrooom!!!

it said “for a good tiem txt dr evil spawne” 

so I did

I am ready to havee fun

You’re drunk, obviously, and I’m going to have to kill Cristina for putting my number up. 

ooooooh is thatt ur girleifnd?

hirlefiend 

girlfriend**

Wow you’re really gone. And hell no, she’s my roommate. One of them. 

ooooh how many do u hav

roomees not girlfriends 

Three. Two girls and a dude. 

intereeesting...

well it’s tome for fireball shoots

steph is yeeling at me 4 txting too much

goodbey doctor eviel apawn!!

Oh lord. Tell Steph you need water. Or an IV. 

I’ve got her. she’s throwing up on her shoes. thanks doctor. - steph

  Sunday 10:11 AM

You know you’re pretty funny, Bar Girl. 

jesus christ what fucking time is it?! 

10 AM

I’m assuming you have a massive hangover. 

hold on I can’t hear you over the sound of me vomiting

TMI as the kids say these days. 

what’re you a grandpa or something?? 

No I just don’t know how to use text lingo. Except WTF. I know that one very well. 

quick question

who the fuck are you?

Dr. Evil Spawn. You found my name graffitied in the bathroom of Emerald City Bar. 

holy shit

I thought I dreamed that... WHAT THE FUCK

Nope. I’m real. 

holy shit i’m so sorry

my texts were so annoying

Who hurt you? I mean you were shitfaced, I’m assuming someone broke your heart into tiny pieces. 

the opposite actually, I was at a bachelorette party

not mine, i’m so single it hurts

Ahhh that makes sense. So you got shitfaced in solidarity? 

exactly you get it

you seem like you’d be the DD at a bachelorette party

Well seeing as I’m a dude I don’t do Bachelorette parties. 

Well I did go to one, but that’s a different story.  

hmmm you seem like a very interesting man doctor evil spawn 

going to bachelorette parties, living with women who aren’t your girlfriend 

OMG ARE YOU DATING THE GUY YOU LIVE WITH?!

George? No absolutely not. And before you ask, my other girl roommate is gay. 

so you’re single?

i’m only asking so when you murder me the police have as much information as possible

Haha very funny. I would be a terrible murderer. 

you didn’t answer my question

Fine. Yes I’m single. 

i’ll note that in the “serial killer file” i’m building 

gotta go, I have to do work :/

Have fun, don’t die. 

  Sunday 8:38 PM

Arizona is trying to set me up on a blind date. 

who’s arizona?

My gay roommate. She wants me to meet this “bubbly blonde” she knows from her pilates class. 

ahhhh. why don’t you go?

Bubbly blonde is not my type. Sounds like she’ll spend the whole date talking about how much she loves dogs or her knitting hobby. 

Plus she does pilates, that tells me more than enough. 

you’re making some good points. I don’t pity you. 

You better not. How was work?

the longest day of my life

it was just paperwork, I don’t actually work on the weekends

What do you do?

hmmmm that’s exactly what a serial killer would say

i’m an elementary school teacher

Oh so you sing and dance and paint pictures all day?

what school did you go to?

were working on multiplication tables and basic photosynthesis tomorrow

Wow that sounds like a lot.

it’s may, ive got three weeks of school left so I have to cram all the crap we didn’t cover into these last few weeks 

Ahhh that sounds more accurate.

and what do you do? 

besides text strangers that you don’t know

I’m a pediatrician. 

oh so you make kids cry and wipe snotty noses all day? two can play at that game

Well we both have to deal with snotty noses sooo...

I GET IT!! Doctor Evil Spawn!! 

why evil spawn though? 

I wasn’t this nice when I started med school. My personality is an acquired taste. 

ha! that’s a funny joke. 

so if you’re a fancy schmancy doctor why do you live with three other people?

I’m only a resident, not making the big bucks yet. Everyone else is a doctor too. 

are they all pediatricians?

No. Arizona is too but Cristina is a cardiologist and George is a trauma specialist. 

interesting!! I too live with my coworkers. it’s not fun. 

the table is always covered in craft supplies. 

Well I can never read the grocery list on the fridge. Stupid doctors script...

oh that’s a classic. you’re pretty funny Dr. Evil Spawn

Thanks Bar Girl. 

I gotta go. monday tomorrow and you know how fourth graders can be. night!! 

Night . 

  Monday 9:47 AM

there’s not enough coffee in the world for monday mornings. 

  Monday 10:52 AM 

Sorry I was yelling at the interns. We have a decent coffee cart here. Keeps me alive. Are you texting in class?

no it was recess

now they’re at spanish class

i’m not totally irresponsible 

Oh good to know the future of America is in good hands. Teacher Princess is “not totally irresponsible”

teacher princess?

Well, Cinderella lost her shoe, you puked on yours. Same thing. 

wooooooooow

that was so uncalled for...

I thought it was funny. Gotta go set a broken arm. 

broken arm vs. adverbs... can we switch? have fun lol

  Monday 3:26 PM

I don’t even think I know what an adverb is. 

how did you become a doctor??

Don’t need to know adverbs to fix a couple broken bones and snuffy noses. 

oh darn I should’ve gone to school for seven more years then

Haha. How were the adverbs?

better than expected, grading papers while I wait for my roomies to be done

we carpool, saving the environment and shit

Okay Eco Warrior.

you text like a 60 year old man

you’re not a 60 year old man are you?

No I’m a 28 year old man though

28 a doctor and you’re single? your personality must be worse than you described 

I’m a busy man, I don’t have time to settle down. And I have no desire to. 

yet you have time to text a complete stranger? 

hmmmm interesting...

Ouch, that one hurt Princess. 

steph is making me socialize with the other teachers

if I don’t respond, they killed me or dragged me to an essential oil party

Hahahaha

  Monday 5:18 PM

Did you get roped into a pyramid scheme?

nooo but therew as wine

I should sotp drunk texting you so often 

It makes your presence that much more entertaining. And bearable. 

woah woah dude

i’m a gem 

I can tell. Elementary school teacher with a heart of gold. 

awwww your too sweet tome

It’s a Monday. Who the hell gets drunk on a Monday?

teachers

we deserve it

You’re a teacher and you’re single and still going to Bachelorette parties. You’re what, 23? 

i’m 25 and i’m doing greta thanks you very nuch 

cnat believe that i’m supplying my perosnal info to a serial killer

What makes you so sure that I’m a mass murderer? 

ur weird nickname and ur intimate knowledge of the himan body

Mmm yes well a good amount of women do find themselves screaming around me often. Or under me. On top of me...

omg are you sending me dirty jokes

you’re crazy 

What can I say. 

Gotta go, I’m on call tonight. Get to bed safe, Bar Princess. 

mmmkay thanks Doc

  Wednesday 11:29 AM

What do you think is worse: School lunch or hospital food?

hospital food, no doubt

thursday is mac and cheese day here... I could bathe in that stuff

We have Spaghetti Wednesday but that’s the only good thing here. 

mmm how depressing

the teachers do a pot luck once a month and that’s always good

the art teacher next door to me makes the BEST blueberry muffins. 

Lucky. All I get here is vending machine cookies. Anything interesting happening in the elementary world? 

a first grader got lice last week so naturally we all have it now

I had to chop off six inches of my hair

Holy crap. Lice can be vicious, be thankful you didn’t have to shave your head. 

it feels like I did, my hair hasn’t been above my shoulders since the backstreet boys were still touring

Wow. I’m glad to know you’re well cultured. 

of course I am

gotta go, kids are back from music class

Don’t be too hard on them, they deserve a break every once in awhile. 

  Thursday 3:06 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Jenna you forgot your lunch pail. Have a good day!”

“Hello?”

“Hi Mrs. Peters. I didn’t grade Henry’s test yet, I’ll have it tomorrow. Thanks bye!”

“Helloooo?”

“Steph I gotta grab my things, I’ll be there in a seco- oh shit. Hello?”

“Bar Princess?”

“Doctor Evil Spawn? I must’ve butt dialed you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay I... I don’t mind the interruption. Are you leaving work?”

“Just about, we’re wrapping up the solar system and I have to bring home the diorama.”

“I was never good at the models, I prefer working with the real thing.”

“Oh ho, a man that works with his hands. I can appreciate that.”

“You know now we’re officially talking and we still don’t know each other’s names.”

“Well around here I’m Miss Wilson, but you can call me Jo.”

“Jo. Hmm I like chicks with dudes names. I’m Dr. Karev but you can call me Alex.”

“Well nice to kinda meet you Alex. I’ll talk to you soon, I gotta get out of here.”

“Talk to you later.”  

  Thursday 4:34 PM

I wouldn’t mind if you were my teacher.

how did I know you’d send me something along those lines

I’m predictable. I’m still calling you Bar Princess. 

as you wish doctor evil spawn

I get to assist on a surgery today. Tonsillectomy. 

like removing tonsils? that’s awesome

for you, not for the kid

Oh she’ll be fine, she gets ice cream and jello for a week.  

okay yeah I might be jealous of her now

id love to be off work for a week and have you waiting on me hand and foot

the ice cream is a nice bonus

You think that’s my job?

well you said you aren’t making the big bucks yet so.... yeah 

Keep dreaming. I’ll talk to you later, gotta scrub in. 

have fun!!!!

[dreamy-stars]

7/30/20

i’ve never felt this low in a long time, not even in sophomore year of college?? it’s like rly concentrated sadness and rly hit hard within the last month?

- i went through my first breakup, which affected me a lot more than i thought it would. it was so short lived i don’t even want to call it a relationship. i hate to admit it but it hurt so much bc it seemed like he wanted to be with me for a while. he has his reasons and he should take care of himself but i can’t help but feel thrown away without care? i wanted closure and he couldn’t even give me that. my self confidence went down the drain, and i kept questioning if there was something i could have done differently. i even contemplated if i was pretty enough XD can you believe i let a 5’6 man make me feel like this...pathetic...but yeah he rly has no emotional intelligence or something man cmon i wanna talk it out.. - it took me a while to get over him and now i dont miss him specifically, i just miss being wanted and having that connection? anyway my confidence was bad at this point and was feeling insecure in so many ways. maybe 3-4 weeks ago i started going down this dark hole, just questioning my purpose here. i’m not smart, pretty, or talented in any field. i felt kind of useless? just there... (even typing this im like tearing up hehe) comparing myself to ppl again..how i’m not good enough (in eng) just kinda wasting my parents money? and i think about if i were prettier i’d prob be treated better and those around me would pay nore attention to me? brings me to my next point :p - i feel SO lonely. it doesnt help that i went through a break up and the person i was talking to all day every day is suddenly cut from my life. my friends can contact me and stuff but i feel so left out sometimes. it’s not their fault, it’s just how my brain is ig lol. it felt like i was back in high school. i had acquaintances and was surrounded by friends but couldnt rly connect and be close to ppl. what i remeber most was being at the booth and being surrounded by girl friends and not adding to the convo at all. i felt so lonely and insecure i never want to feel that again. recently i felt it with my cousins who i have always felt close to. can u believe? i can’t rly explain it. but when sp brought her friends to the lake i felt ostracized. its so stupid for ne to feel that way, they’re literally strangers and i wish we could be like white folks that introduce each other right at the start of meeting new ppl U KNOW?? idk i’m so fucking sensitive LOL. like at least mai did it with her bf. I Am Nothing. like sp didnt introduce tp so why am i feeling like this. i guess its just me and my deep rooted trauma of being overlooked and forgotten! even when we went to the lake with just our cousins i felt SOOO SOOOOOOOO down and lonely, even more than before. i was sticking near ap bc it was kinda awkward still and i didnt want her to be lonely. i was just floating around and they played games and talked together and stuff and i felt invisible i felt so lonely even with so many ppl i love there. it didn’t help that they had sleepovers and hung out together so ich and never asked me. they even planned to sleepover later that night and didnt ask me. i wonder if it was bc i was neutral and stuck with ap? oh yeah i forgot that i couldnt go eat with them bc there was no room for me which is understandable but i still felt shitty and i think i cried that night :p it’s small insignificant things that build up for me and make me feel like an afterthought. it rly fueled my self confidence issue. AGAIN no one did anything wrong i’ve just been very sensitive and analytical of everything lately. it’s kind of led me to being distant with sp kinda like im testing her and seeing if she would reach out to me at all? its petty but i feel like she hates me fr 😂 might just be me. I Am Nothing...

ANYWAY ive been crying like pretty often just having these thoughts eat me up. it’s better now i think? it’s scary to admit but i’ve thought about dying so many times recently and i hate it. almost like it’s normalized to me now. it’s not that i would ever attempt but i understand what ppl mean when they want to disappear? i’m very blessed with loving parents and a healthy able body and a good living situation. i never want to put my parents and family through something that traumatizing. i haven’t properly expressed these feelings to anyone besides one watered down text to darwin. it was hard to even type the text, i ended up crying in the bathroom. i’ll have bad days and the thoughts creep up on me and i try to distract myself by watching stuff and it helps. i’ve been working out and dieting and i feel a lot better about myself and more positive. i’ve thought about therapy seriously but im hesitant still. if i still have issues i will, but talking through a screen and the risk of others hearing kinda turns me off. just processing my feelings and thinking about them extensively has helped me a bit but i think having a professional tell me about my feelings will make me feel better. idk how to bring it up at all, and i feel like my issues arent serious enough? but my brain been going cwazy :3

 i’ve been having a rough time at home just doing a lot of nothing but being sad and working out.. i hope with school starting soon i can get out the house and be productive again! recently ive been dealing with the problem of “living for others” i notice that i care about the comfort of others and how i can satisfy them and appeal to others at my expense.. i’ve been thinking about how im not good enough for this type of guy to like me LIKE WHO AMMM IIII WHY DO I CARE...WEIRDO..... maybe im dragging myself too hard i dont think i do this much but i do be a nice comfy doormat for others :)

but overall i feel better than a few weeks ago i think! idk what that was about why is my brain like this....making irrational thoughts and hurting my own feelings...idk but it will be okay :)

[olberic]

vesperia ask meme from this post 

👤 favourite character?

pretty even tie between raven and patty! love their backstories. love their development. love their thottiness

👥 most used party?

yuri or flynn / raven / patty / rita ! yuri or flynn depends on what mood im in or if i want extra healing

👍 who do you play as most?

still yuri, but ive been playing as patty a lotttt more lately

👎 who do you play as least?

estelle and judith.... i love them but im so bad at targeting estelle’s spells and i can’t keep judith in the air for longer than like.. 20 hits....

🌆 favourite town?

aurnion!! the music is so so good, i love that its a base of sorts for a lot of the npcs, and i really like that its like in a corner of a mountain too! i’d live there

🏞 favourite dungeon?

manor of the wicked, mostly bc i spent sooo much time grinding in and around there! honourary mention for tarqaron for having the best soundtrack tho

🌎 is there anywhere on the world map that’s comforting to you?

i love the zopheir drifts! 

😴 what inn do you go to most often?

the one in myorzo even tho its super inconvenient bc it has everyone sharing a bed which i think is super cute 

🎧 favourite song on the soundtrack?

YES i listen to the soundtrack all the time YES i have these memorized: breath of resonance (aurnion), fury sparks (vs flynn), twisted blades (vs zagi), oath of the union (dahngrest), tragic resolution (sad music from the post-cumore confrontation), dark conspiracy and the tower of contraption (upper ghasfarost), radiant light fostering life (egothor forest), the world at your fingertips (zaude), brooding omen (tarqaron)

🦅 most fun giganto beast to fight?

BRUTAL BY FAR... it spawns so often and u can get ur allies to distract the summons and just 1v1 it w a paralysis charm

🐆 favourite monster?

first time i had to fight a skunky i nearly cried i can’t kill them i always run away

🐉 favourite boss?

fight wise? probably gauche and droite bc they’re fun or estelle bc she’s really easy to practice combos on! character wise its schwann bc ill admit it i simp for raven

⚔️ most fun battle?

again probably gauche and droite, and outside of bosses it’d be the wrath nails in the labyrinth of memories! if u take flynn and just use dazzling glare on them two or three times you get a fatal strike and its fun to make a 300000 hp total battle go down to like. 6 hits

💀 hardest boss battle?

besides the first gattuso def the cameos in the tag team battle... how many times have i gotten barbatos almost dead before he gets healed and my healers get sealed... then stressing about the time left for the party battle im sick of it im SICK 

✨ favourite mystic arte?

raven’s wink in crisis rain it’d be wolf fury if not for the rare time i can get seifer with summon friends

🎉 any victory quotes that stand out to you?

“our weapons are love!” “justice!” “sexualityyyyy” “WOULD YOU STOP” 

and besides that i love patty’s “the queen of the seas has arrived!” and yuri and flynn’s fistbump bc those are cute 

🥰 favourite NPC?

i didn’t really have any for this game?? like i much prefer the PCs but also... gauche and droite hold a special place in my heart, and nan won me over with her development. also yeager. kakyoin lookin ass

🧥 favourite outfits?

yuri: true knight + the hairpins attachment. i’d die for the ponytail

estelle: her default is actually my fave, but heroic actress for the ristelle

repede: not an outfit but overdrive brigade or bust

karol: warehouse master! i love the jacket

rita: seeker. its what she deserves

raven: that summer guy bc his hair in that has me 😳 and also adept assassin

judith: draconic lancer or glamourous maid... i am not immune to hot girl

patty: pirate queen bc its what she deserves

flynn: benevolent beneficiary and its soley because of the thigh holster

👕 least favourite outfits?

whoever decided on yuri’s yumanju/swim outfits needs to be JAILED... miska doctoral degree and the frog outfit and sultry temptress and dont get me started on the xmas and samurai ones 

🎥 favourite skit?

POINTS SKIT POINTS SKIT

❤️ did you ship any characters?

from the moment rita blushed at estelle i was hooked on them... also yuri/flynn is like. too canon to not love. also raven/literally anyone except karol (son) and rita (lesbian)

💔 any ships you don’t like?

yuri/estelle and flynn/estelle bc i can’t stomach her not being a rita im not even joking 

🏥 what healer do you use most?

raven! i usually don’t need more than a few love shots and i have more than enough items to make up for the lack of recovery spells

🗺 most enjoyed side quest / side quest chain?

do i even have to say best friends? and the sicily ones are pretty fun and i also like seeing nan in the hunting blades ones

🤢 most annoying side quest / side quest chain?

FUCK GUILD QUEST ALL MY HOMIES HATE GUILD QUEST

🔪 what difficulty do you play on most often?

normal for now sjvbksdvjbs i plan on doing hard next tho

💯 solo coliseum fights or tag team coliseum fights?

tag team bc i love fighting the others! i usually bring raven but by god do i love rita and schwann’s dialogue in the knights fight

➕ have you played the EX new game plus?

not yet! i’ll be doing that for the mid-hundreds levels tho 

🔨 are there any weapons you always keep equipped?

meteorite blade and defender for yuri, strike eagle +1a and misericorde for raven, holy avenger for estelle, beserker heart for flynn, song of gaia for rita, brionac for judith, and leoluca + black thunder for patty

🗣 do you play dubbed or subbed?

dubbed

🎮 which is your favourite minigame (warehouse, draspi, snowboarding, poker, dragon rider)?

fuck minigames but gun to my head i had to pick one it’d be poker bc the mechanics make sense

🗡 yuri or flynn?

sorry king but it’s yuri for this one yall had me with the vigilantism 

👑 ioder or estelle?

estelle obvs tho ioder is def the better choice for emperor

🏹 raven or schwann?

raven bc hes a thot and not a bootlicker but id be lying if i said schwann couldnt get it

👯‍♀️ gauche or droite?

gauche 

💪 hunting blades or leviathan’s claw?

leviathan’s claw! even if the hunting blades werent awful i’d still pick them bc i love LOVE the serpent’s fang lore and how the guild itself is linked to patty’s backstory and also. also yeager. 

🏠 zaphias or dahngrest?

dahngrest! i truly cannot stand the empire imagine living there

🏕 inns or camping?

inns 100% i will go so far out of my way to make them share rooms rather than camping which is so so boring 

👾 original or definitive edition?

definitive! its the only one ive played, i love patty too much to ever play the og, and being available on the switch is so good

🎢 what difficulty do you play on?

oh my god. oh my god i put this question in twice FUCK

💿 have you played any other tales games?

not yet :-( i love this one too much to change tho i do have beseria bought and ready to go

👬 have you watched first strike?

not yet :-(((( i havent found it anywhere yet but i heard raven’s in it and im. im

⏱ how long have you spent on the game?

....190 hours and counting.....

🗻 what part of the game are you at right now?

working through the 200 man melees now! once i finish those (ive only got yuri and raven done so far)

✅ how did you decide to start playing?

1 i heard it was similar to octopath 2 i thought it was turn based going into it SKJSBDVKSJDVB 3 saw a gif of yuri and flynn on here somewhere and thought aw shit guess i’ll start this game if there’s an active fandom (NOT THAT THERE’S MUCH OF ONE) 4 the game was on sale sdbksdvjbksdjv

[tumblunni]

OH FUCK I THINK I FINALLY CRACKED THE CODE OF WHY I ALWAYS LIKE THE VILLAINS BETTER

Like man it always makes me so confused cos i mean im a soft AF person and i always end up having sympathetic redemption headcanons for them so its not like i like VILLAINY ITSELF but what else do all these characters have in common?

Thats it. Thats it, ursula helped me crack it.

I just WANT THOSE TRAITS ON THE HEROES

I really want a nice confident sassy funny chubby trans auntie who promotes body positivity to our young hero and always gets to say the coolest lines and get the best moments and BE LOVED FOR WHO SHE IS

And like usually whenever you get anywhere close to seeing those "villain traits" on a hero they like.. Remove all the good parts. If you have a supportive hero aunt she's always boring and generically supportive instead, and has to look like the most stereotypical boring mess ans have a super small plot role and uuuugh thats IF SHES EVEN THERE i mean seriously aunties and grandmas are weirdly less represented as mentors than grandpas who are already REALLY HARD TO FIND and again OFTEN GENERIC AND UNFUN WHENEVER THEY GET TO APPEAR

And how damn often are we allowed to have a chubby gay aunt!! WHERE IS MY CHUBBY GAY AUNT!! ive met SO MANY chubby gay aunts in real life like 90% of all my psychologists have been either that or like.. The exact same but a straight lgbt ally instead. Sassy plus size aunties are THE BACKBONE OF OUR SOCIETY DAMMIT! I've had so much help thanks to sassy gay aunts!! And like even just looking at any damn crowd scene in a normal city centre youre gonna see so many chubby aunts and long nosed uncles and all those sorts of bullshit "ugly people" that mass media pretends are ugly and relegates to One Minor Role In The Entire Cast despite them being infinately more common than supermodels and NOT UGLY AT ALL GEEZ IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH

I cant believe im a fuckin disney villain fan cos of body positivity

Tfw u suck so bad at making hateable people that the fandom universally hugs all your villains and ignores your boring protagonists like fuckin TAKE THAT DIDNEY

God i wanna hug hades sooo bad he just needs a friend aaaaaa

And i mean its not just disney, every damn time ive obsessed over a villain its been because they have some trait thats supposed to be "bad" but its actually good and we dont get to see it on the heroes

Like my thing with science villains in particular is that when i first played ff7 i really liked the idea of an evil minion who's a bad sidekick not just because he's "dumb" or "bumbling" but because he's actually not interested in any of the evil stuff and he works against his own boss and is like.. Friendly to the heroes, i have no particular grudge against you and i wont stop you if im off duty and all. I liked the Turks for the same reason but in the origibal ff7 translation they were kind of stoic and serious and i didnt really become as much of a fan of them til i saw them being more goofy and comic relief in some optional sidequests and then their movie adaptation. But hojo was always being all "lol my boss's plan is so stupid amirite" and had that very memorable scene where he's just sunbathing and tells you everything you need to know to get to the next thing to ruin his boss's plan cos i mean fuck it who even cares im just here to soak up some sun while fully dressed in a turtleneck and labcoat. It sucked so much that he was such a reprehensible bastard with creepy sexual assault vibes and murder and child abuse and experimenting on people and basically just NOT A LOVEABLE VILLAIN but his CONCEPT held so much potential to be filled by a sympathetic character instead...

So yeah then cos of him i kept being obsessed with finding SOME CHARACTER SOMEWHERE that actually lived up tp that potential, and thats why i was instantly interested in charon from pokemon and totally on edge waiting for the slightest chance for him to become That Perfect Sass Gramps Of Legend. And then he was indeed sassy!! And had so little screenyime that there was potential for interpretation of him as potentially redeemable cos i mean the game never said he wasnt, the game barely said anything about him at all, lol. And he was so old and small and frail looking and i just wanted to protect him!! And then that one wifi event that actually hinted at synpatheticness!! Aaaa its a recipe for a Forever Fave~

And i guess maybe it all started with my grandma being awesome and me really missing her? Cos i had shitty abusive parents and she was my ONLY good family member who showed me what love was like. And she was also basically a supervillain. Like every damn supervillain trait except being evil! She was bombastic and confident and sassy and mischievious and loud and passionate about stuff and always had something funny to say and never gave up no matter how many times she failed. And she also used all that great power for the forces of good!

So yeh thats why i love sassy good guys and i hate that often even when a sassy villain gets redeemed they seem to lose all their edge and become more generic now theyre a good guy. Or they get totally sidelined with no screentime anymore, or they ONLY get to be comic relief and dont get the full and complex redemption they deserve. Or just a lot of bads!! Its never the simplest answer of just fuckin.. Keep the character the character. Thats kinda why i didnt feel too much for the maleficent movie even though the concept itself sounded like everything i ever wanted. The character in that movie is a very different person to origibal maleficent, she's more just a stoic tsundere mumsy figure than a hammy badass iconicness. Still a nice villain redemption but it felt like it would have been better as an original story instead of an attempted maleficent. Also i wish they handled it better with the whole "true love's kiss could be from your mum instead" thing cos i get sooooo grossed out whenever i see people shipping movie maleficent and aurora! Like yes sleeping beauty with lesbians would be great but not when one of them is old enough to be her mum and raised her like a mum and changed her goddamn diapers! Also why did they have to ruin the three good fairies just to make maleficent have the mum opportunity? Like just remove them from the story if you wanted maleficent to raise the kid instead. No need to rewrite them into incompetant assholes when they were everyone's fave part of the original! Dont sacrifice the rare and elusive Good Sassy Gay Aunts!! THEYRE LIKE THE ONLY ONES IN DIDNEY!!! (Incodentally merlin is the equivelant of this to hades as the fairies are to ursula)

Also also villains tend to have ACTUAL FLAWS in stories that have a more boring bland protagonist. I wanna see the story behind charon's neuroses and how he struggles with overcoming his temptation to be bad because of greed but ultimately manages to conquer his own negative side because power of friendship and such. Thats a great character arc that provides so much more than he does as a villain where they just wasted him entirely :(

SO BASICALLY IN SUMMARY

* villains are often more complex and well developed characters with flaws while the same wroter might make shitty heroes due to the illogical fear that nobody would root for them if they werent 100% perfect and successful at everything ever

* villains are also often made as negative stereotypes of minorities and other rarely seen traits, which means its easy to reach out to them and reclaim them as a more positive version when theres literally no other options for you to cling to

* the quite common accidental sympathy factor where a villain will seem to be hated more than they deserve for their actions, ir unjustly punished so much that they feel like an underdog, since the writer assumes you'll think theyre "more evil" for being a stereotype and if you dont agree that this thing is bad then it seems like they have way less sins than the story claims they do

* also sass. Sass is good.

But basically the whole root of it is that its stupid and cruel and doesnt goddamn work when you make villains bigoted stereotypes. It just makes me love them! The only person i hate when i see a stereotypical villain is the writer who thought that was a good idea, lol. Just imagine that meme of the samurai holding the cat but its me holding all disney villains!

Also even if a villain isnt outright intentionally meant to be "this minority is bad", it can still make me symoathetic to them if theyre still something thats rare amoung the hero side in the same series. Like charon being the "most unredeemable" villain despite being the most harmless and funny and his plan being so much less world destroying than cyrus, and also he's the only grandpa villain in like.. The whole of all. And he's drawn very much in that way thays supposed to be "ugly" i.e normal grandpa, vs that weird sort of younger than he looks grandpa that hero ones tend to be because blablabla beauty ewuals goodness anti body positivity whatever. Tho actually sinnoh was good with that, they had the best grandpa professor in my opinion cos he got to be sassy too! Rowan always reminds me of auron from ff10. Sinnoh was a good game where i liked a lot of both the heroes and villains even if i still had more villain faves cos i mean pokemon is always biased towards that for me since every game has a voiceless perosnalityless main character and often theyre the one doing most of the heroing with the supporting hero characters having surprisingly little proper screen time. Thats a big part of why i loved hau gladion and lillie in sun and moon! They felt more like a real friend group than any other ones before.

ANYWAY now im just going offtopic into more "i love lots of stuff about every pokemon game" so ill stop typing now

But just basically VILLAINS ARE GOOD COS THEYRE GOOD CHARACTERS and if those stories gavethe same character a good guy role then id still love them just as much, if not more. I dont specifically like villainy, its just that my definition of a good character is often considered a bad character by lazy writers, apparantly?

Also WHERE IS MY SUPPORTIVE GOOD GRAMPS CHARON GAME AND GAY AUNTIE URSULA GIVES YOU FASHION TIPS SMARTPHONE MMO

[doggonneit]

The Last Red Scribble | Part 1/2

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Single Parent AU

A.N. This is a part of the KuroTsuki Gift Exchange 2017, written for @moonislander on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo.

[Read on AO3]

Monday PM

(2:33) I’m about to slam my head into the wall. (2:33) Tobio got into another fight. (2:34) He’s fucking five, how does he keep picking fights.  

(2:35) what a champ

(2:35) What the fuck, Akiteru. (2:35) You’re not supposed to say that.

(2:36) wrong number bud but legit (2:36) tobios got a future in cage fighting (2:36) whos tobio

(2:38) Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

(2:40) well dont leave me hanging (2:40) i need to know who to put my money on in the future

(2:41) Don’t make this weirder than it already is.

(2:41) :)))))

(2:42) Tobio’s my son.

(2:43) are you an old man (2:43) is that why you started texting me (2:44) STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

(2:45) What the fuck, no. (2:46) I messed up my brother’s new number. (2:46) Evidently.  

(2:46) eviDENTly (2:47) arent you all smart and proper (2:47) thats how i like em

(2:49) Are you seriously flirting with me over text? (2:49) You don’t know stranger danger at all. (2:50) I don’t have time for this.  

(2:53) :((((( (2:55) come back

(2:56) I have to deal with my son.

(2:56) what an adulty adult (2:57) tell tobio hes a fucken champ

.

Tuesday AM

(7:22) sooo (7:22) i know your brothers name and your sons name (7:22) but not your name

(7:25) …

(7:25) hint hint

(7:26) Have you seen the latest stranger danger campaign? (7:26) It’s got your face all over it.  

(7:27) you think youre being funny but my mates crack jokes about my ugly mug making children cry (7:28) would tobio cry if he ever saw me

(7:30) He doesn’t even know what you look like.

(7:31) *image attached*

(7:34) I really don’t have time for this. I’m getting Tobio ready for school.

(7:35) if life were a party youd be the clown that sucks all the fun away (7:35) XP

(7:36) Why are you making that face?

(7:36) you hurt my feelings so im sticking my tongue out at you

(7:38) No-one uses that emoji for hurt feelings.

(7:39) i just did (7:39) XP (7:39) oh look i just did it again (7:39) XP (7:39) and again look at me go

(7:42) All right, all right, I’ll ask. (7:44) Tobio says you look like you killed a cat.  

(7:44) how does someone even look like that (7:44) your son needs glasses (7:45) what do you think then (7:45) smouldering eyes wicked grin (7:45) admit it im pretty

(7:46) Yeah, pretty atrocious. (7:46) What’s with that hair?

(7:47) HI THIS IS KUROOS BEST FREIDN FOERVER BOKUTO PLS DONT METNION HIS BEHDEAD IT MAKES HM SELF CONSCOIUS

(7:47) Aww. Is Kuroo sulking now?

(7:47) sajfkdsjp (7:47) asdffhajlkkasdfghijkl

(7:48) I feel like I should be concerned. (7:50) I am actually concerned.  

(7:51) how do i get rid of a body

(7:51) What.

(7:51) how do i (7:51) get rid of (7:51) a body

(7:51) Cook him and serve him to the police who knock on your door asking for his whereabouts.

(7:52) babe thats brilliant (7:52) youre a committed accomplice now

(7:52) On a scale of 1-10, how often do you hit on nameless and faceless strangers over the phone?

(7:52) 1 (7:53) its only ever been you (7:53) *heart emoji*

(7:53) I’m flattered.

(7:53) we have a dilemma (7:54) you know my name and my face (7:54) ive lost the advantage (7:54) who are you o mysterious phone man

(7:54) You really want to know?

(7:55) yes!!

(7:55) Well (7:55) My name is (7:55) *middle finger emoji*  

(7:56) i am (7:56) fucking betrayed (7:56) my own accomplice

(7:57) :)))))

.

Wednesday PM

(4:17) *image attached* (4:17) fight gloves for tobio when he grows up lololol

(4:20) Don’t even joke about that.

(4:21) did he get into another fight (4:21) whatd he do steal another kids party pie

(4:22) He ruined someone’s sandcastle.

(4:22) that punk

(4:22) He also threw the bucket at their head and made them cry.

(4:23) holy shit (4:23) i know you cant see but im pissing myself laughing

(4:23) That’s the second time this month. (4:24) Is he going for a new record? How concerned should I be? (4:24) I should ask my brother for advice.  

(4:24) okay but in all seriousness (4:25) dont kids usually act out because theyre upset about things

(4:26) Yep.

(4:26) you sound like you know whats going on

(4:27) Yep.  

(4:27) is the thing not an easy fix

(4:28) Tobio can’t exactly move back into his old neighbourhood and old school.

(4:28) ohhh (4:28) i get that totally been there (4:29) though that happened to me in middle school so i handled it differently

(4:30) You mean you didn’t stomp on sandcastles and throw buckets at people’s heads? (4:30) Shocking.  

(4:31) real mature of me ayy (4:31) but its chill tobio just needs time to adjust

(4:32) He’s been living with me for four months already.

(4:33) hes trying to survive a new environment (4:33) go easy on him

(4:35) All good and well until he accidentally kills one of his classmates.

(4:35) what could he possibly do (4:35) nah dont answer that

(4:36) You’re not inspiring much confidence right now.

(4:37) okay hows this (4:38) the most dangerous thing in a school is a pencil (4:38) if he stabs it through someones eye (4:38) what are the chances of a five year old having that good of an aim

(4:39) We could be surprised.

(4:40) lets give tobio the benefit of the doubt (4:40) have i brought your fears to rest or nah

(4:50) You’re interesting to talk to, I’ll give you that.

(4:50) is that why youve kept talking to me despite the anonymous and rather suspicious nature of our relationship

(4:50) Sure.

(4:51) *heart eyes emoji*

.

Thursday PM

(6:44) ive been thinking

(6:46) Make sure you give yourself a break every ten minutes. We wouldn’t want to strain your mental capabilities.

(6:47) hush child i got something to say (6:47) about tobio sort of

(6:48) I’m listening.

(6:49) so yesterdays conversation made me go all introspective (6:49) and if all tobios doing is throwing things (6:50) the lil guy will go far in life (6:50) i mean when i was five i was eating sand

(6:51) Congratulations, you just tripped over the lowest bar society set for its most basic standards.

(6:51) savage i love it (6:52) bokuto just called me a masochist (6:52) he doesnt even know what that means i bet he learned it from akaashi

(6:54) … (6:55) Who’s Akaashi?  

(6:55) the most beautiful man to grace the earth and bokutos boyfriend (6:55) im not even kidding his face was sculpted by gods (6:56) *image attached*

(6:57) Wow.

(6:57) exactly (6:57) no one knows how bokuto snagged him (6:58) my moneys on witchcraft

(6:59) Have a little more faith in your Best Freidn Foerver.

(6:59) hes my best bro but he does NOT have that much game

(6:59) You misspelled Best Freidn Foerver.

(7:00) all right he types like an electrocuted toddler (7:00) hes there for me during the good bad and ugly (7:00) and i support him 100% (7:01) but theres no logical explanation for how he got akaashi

(7:01) Maybe he has charm.

(7:02) gasp (7:02) babe (7:02) did you just imply i dont have any charm

(7:03) I didn’t say anything of the sort but it’s an apt description.

(7:03) you really are a savage (7:04) totally my type just saying

(7:05) For all you know I’m a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly.

(7:05) im a personality kinda guy anyway (7:05) so what do you look like

(7:07) Shh.

(7:07) ?

(7:07) Can you hear that?

(7:07) ??

(7:08) Stranger danger.

(7:08) DUDE COME ON (7:08) or are you actually a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly (7:08) because no judgement if you are

(7:10) *image attached*

(7:11) holy shit (7:11) HOLYS HIT (7:11) AJGSFAJKALHHJKKKLLLL

(7:13) Uh. (7:14) Hello? (7:15) Are you there? (7:18) I’m actually kind of worried now.  

(7:20) Hi, this is Akaashi. Kuroo’s fine; he’s muttering to himself on the floor. (7:21) Something about being sculpted by gods and touched by angels?

(7:22) What the fuck.

(7:22) Nice selfie :)

.

Friday PM

(9:28) arms (9:28) abs (9:28) legs (9:28) sore

(9:31) Do I really want to know? (9:31) No, I don’t.  

(9:32) :( (9:32) i experienced life death and hell all in the same day

(9:33) Now I can’t not know.

(9:33) i had vball training for a match next week and it was torture (9:33) and when we thought it was done no (9:34) we had practice matches with alumni and it was torture round two (9:34) then i had coaching which i usually love (9:34) but the kids kept spiking balls at me (9:35) 10 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS BODY 50 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS HEAD 100 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS NOSE

(9:36) You play volleyball?

(9:37) thats all you took from that

(9:37) I used to play volleyball in high school.

(9:37) wait are you serious (9:37) what position??

(9:38) Middle blocker.

(9:38) me too!! (9:38) what are the chances of us both playing vball and being middle blockers (9:39) this is destiny i feel it

(9:40) That was another lifetime ago lol.

(9:40) once a vball player always a vball player (9:40) how tall are you

(9:41) 195cm, why?

(9:43) 195 and yOU DONT PLAY VBALL (9:43) this is a crime (9:44) tell me tobio plays vball

(9:45) I... don’t think he’s ever tried it?

(9:46) the outrage (9:46) how could you (9:47) i just felt my heart crack (9:47) oohhh the pain

(9:47) Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?

(9:47) i (9:47) ijakl

(9:48) ?? (9:50) Did you disappear on me again. (9:50) This seems to be a growing trend.

(9:51) Hi, this is Akaashi again. Kuroo is currently incapacifjskkl (9:51) WAHT DID U DO TO MY BSET FREIND FOREBER WHYS HE ALL RED N CHOKN ON HIS WORSD

(9:52) Oh. (9:52) Scroll up.

(9:52) OHO (9:53) OHOHO

.

Saturday AM

(11:10) my mates wont stop laughing at me (11:10) i live in a house of dicks (11:11) cant even escape them theyre on my team (11:11) i blame you

(11:15) Sucks to be you lol.

(11:15) are you taking pleasure in my pain

(11:15) It sounds wrong when you put it that way.

(11:15) ;) (11:16) i’m still upset though (11:16) make me feel better?

(11:17) You seem to think I possess the ability to feel pity. (11:17) I don’t.  

(11:18) you know what you do possess (11:18) the ability to feel annoyance (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) is it annoying yet (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) !

(11:19) ALL RIGHT, STOP.

(11:19) victory

(11:20) What do you want.

(11:17) whats your name

(11:17) Are you serious.

(11:17) i wanna know

(11:18) You reek of desperation.

(11:18) not gonna change my mind

(11:19) …

(11:19) wanna do the whole !!! thing again

(11:21) Fine. (11:21) You’ll ask politely.

(11:21) dom huh (11:21) im into that (11:22) will you pretty please with a cherry on top tell me what your name is

(11:22) N (11:22) O (11:22) *heart emoji*

(11:24) i cant believe (11:24) how could you (11:24) youre so mean

(11:24) :)))))

(11:25) shouldve expected it (11:25) do you always play with peoples hearts like this

(11:25) I enjoy jerking you around. You make some pretty good entertainment.

(11:26) glad to be of service :’)

(11:26) I suppose I could throw you a bone.

(11:26) im not falling for it this time

(11:26) Tsukishima.

(11:27) …

(11:27) My name is Tsukishima.

(11:27) it is (11:27) up down left right with you

(11:27) Disappointed?

(11:28) NEVER WITH YOU (11:28) TSUKKIIII

(11:28) No. (11:28) Do not.  

(11:28) i love your name its beautiful like you

(11:29) I revoke your right to say my name ever again.

(11:29) TSUKKIIII (11:29) *heart eyes emoji*

(11:32) I have never regretted anything more in my life.

.

Sunday PM

(3:24) You said you have a volleyball match next week, right?

(3:28) is this a dream (3:28) are you actually texting me first

(3:29) Miracles abound today.

(3:29) yeah i have a match next week why

(3:29) I mentioned it to Tobio and he got really excited. (3:30) He made me explain everything. I spent hours talking about rules and moves.  

(3:30) i  knew that kid had the vball genes in him

(3:30) I even dug up some old practice tapes from high school. (3:31) He’s obsessed with setting.  

(3:31) hed get along with my setter (3:31) that arrogant ass (3:31) i love him though

(3:32) *image attached*

(3:33) what… is that

(3:33) Tobio’s lack of artistic talent.

(3:33) i hope you didnt tell him that

(3:34) He said it was you blocking and scoring the winning point.

(3:35) he drew a picture of me?

(3:35) He captured your likeness down to the last red scribble.

(3:35) omg… omg...

(3:37) It’s not that big of a deal.

(3:37) youre not ruining this for me (3:37) this is the best day of my life

(3:37) Remember when we talked about low standards?

(3:37) your son loves me

(3:38) He drew a picture of you.

(3:38) and how many other people has he drawn???

(3:38) …

(3:38) thought so (3:39) tell my biggest fan i said hello and thank you (3:39) its the prettiest picture ive ever gotten

(3:39) Don’t get nudes much, huh.

(3:40) wow (3:40) WOWW (3:40) that went beyond savage (3:40) that was straight up murder

(3:41) You like it.

(3:41) yeah im really wondering about that masochistic streak

(3:41) About that.

(3:42) ??

(3:42) I was thinking (3:42) If you were interested (3:42) I could help you explore that.

(3:44) i just dropped my fuckign phone (3:44) are you fucking with me right now

(3:45) Yes.

(3:46) i fucking hate you

(3:46) No, you don’t.

(3:46) no i don’t

(3:46) Why do you keep falling for these things.

(3:47) actually im falling for you

(3:47) Seriously.

(3:47) hope (3:47) its all i got buddy (3:49) is this going to be like last time when you said no but then changed your mind

(3:50) No.

(3:50) dammit

.

Monday PM

(7:18) happy one week anniversary babe (7:18) do i get a gift (7:18) eyebrow wiggle

(7:21) Did you just type -eyebrow wiggle- at me

(7:22) *video attached*

(7:23) I did not ask for a video of you wiggling your eyebrows.

(7:23) its my gift to you

(7:23) I’m so… grateful.

(7:24) cmon gift gift gift

(7:24) I don’t know, I don’t have anything. (7:24) Actually (7:25) *image attached*  

(7:25) omg is that tobio (7:25) hes so fucken cute wtf (7:26) look at those hamster cheeks (7:26) whats he eating

(7:26) Blueberry cupcake. (7:26) It’s his reward for behaving in school.  

(7:27) aww no fights today?

(7:28) His teacher said he engaged positively with other students. He was trying to play volleyball with them.

(7:28) omg thats adorable (7:28) i see where he gets it from (7:28) are you teaching him how to play

(7:30) I taught him how to receive but I’m rusty. (7:30) I should look into classes for him. (7:30) Do they even have classes for kids that young?  

(7:31) the rec centre where i coach does (7:31) idk about other places though

(7:31) Whereabouts is your rec centre?

(7:32) shh

(7:32) You’re not doing the stranger danger thing on me.

(7:32) do you hear that

(7:32) Can you hear my sigh travelling across the wind.

(7:33) STRANGER DANGER

(7:33) Are you done.

(7:33) my centres in tokyo lol

(7:34) It wouldn’t happen to be the Tokyo Sports and Recreation Centre?

(7:34) how did you know that (7:34) oh my god this is real (7:34) STRANGER DANGER

(7:36) It’s a twenty minute walk from my place.

(7:36) i know i just joked about stranger danger but should you really be telling me that

(7:37) Take it as proof that I don’t think you’re a predatory serial killer.

(7:37) thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me (7:38) *heart emoji* (7:38) well if youre interested the kiddy classes are wed 5pm and sat 10am (7:38) you can go to one or both

(7:40) Hmm.

(7:40) times no good?

(7:42) My brother has Tobio on both those days. (7:42) I’ll have to talk to him about this.  

(7:43) ahh dont wanna encroach on uncle nephew bonding time

(7:43) I don’t think Akiteru will mind-- he used to play volleyball too.

(7:43) how did you ever think tobio wouldnt be a vball player (7:44) its clearly in his genes

(7:44) Wishful thinking. I never really liked volleyball.

(7:45) what no (7:45) why

(7:46) It was just a school club. I only did it because it was something to do.

(7:47) you come into my house

(7:48) Lol.

(7:48) well hey its paying off now (7:48) i bet tobio looks at you like youre a god

(7:49) Yeah. (7:49) It’s the first time he’s really looked at me. (7:50) So thanks. (7:50) :)

[msf-diamond-dog]

Same for you, all of them!

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

Closed, but not really for any reason.

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

Very vaguely, yes.

(3) Can You Whistle?

No, I’ve stopped trying to learn. I cant do it.

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Full Power by AC Slater

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Pretty much and darkish or vibrant blue.

(6) Relationship Status.

Single :C

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

 102 F

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Nope, I dont think I ever wake up cranky.

(9) How Many Followers?

I dont even know.  Half of them are pornbots.

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Gemini

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Brown!

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

Do Monsters count

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yeppers

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“...somewhat entertaining.”

(16) Favourite Anime?

HmhmH... Probably FMA.

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

Probably my sister. I honestly dont even remember the last time I cried. 

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Toys and games!

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Nothing

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Nah

(21) Favourite Animal?

DOGGOS

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Nah

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Probably around 1 or 2am.

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

I am not. My sister wanted me to put on mascara today though so we shall see.

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

OCEAN

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

Honestly just all my friends blogs

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Bottled, sadly. The water here tastes horrible. Like drinking a swimming pool.

(28) What Makes You Happy?

Music, people.

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

I dont have any gifs D:

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

I study better without it but Im not gonna turn it off.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

That shitty gray one that no one uses but it somehow is all dull with the paper all ripped up and it has like a bunch of other colors smashed into the ends

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Playstation!

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean,

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Nah

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

A gray Fallout shirt

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue

Yep

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

Both

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yeah, some headphones

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

No not really.  Nothing new, anyways.

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Nah, I leave them alone. 

(42)Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

I used to be but Im not anymore. 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yeah...I only remember bits and pieces of them though

(44)Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

Ive never been on one before

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

A movie has never made me cry before

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

ZAO and Im gonna see them soon.

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not at all.

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Depends on how well my meds work that night

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Hells no, I love it

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

I love to read but Im not a writer.

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

YEAH

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Carve pumpkins.  Im not good at wrapping presents and Ive never carved one before.

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

I Am the Best by 2NE1 (HA)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Summer

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Affection, quite honestly.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

Its just a picture of like 6 golden retrievers

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Male

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

I dont know.  I like them both the same.

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

No homework.  Last day of break. :C

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Straight

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

Naw.

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Cubone and Haunter!

(64) Favourite Social Media?

Tumblr.

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

I dont give a shit?

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

Sometimes. Not often though.

(67) Are You A Virgin?

Yeppers

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Dove

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Depends on where I am.  If its a shady place Id take the hotel. If its decently safe Id sleep in my car.

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yep!

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Deadpool 2

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

I dont have an ex.

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“If you’re scared to do it, then do it scared”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

I think all eyes are fucking gorgeous but my favorite has dark brown 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Swinging is the SHIT.

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

I havent eaten anything today sooo idk.

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Blendoku 2 (my favorite) and Random Heroes 3

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Yeah, why does it matter if theyre homeless?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

Yeah

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

Nah

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes and no? I like learning about people but I dont like the interaction part.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

No rings

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Unless its really hot, I sleep with it closed.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Woke up, cleaned a bit, played some games.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Shorts and a tshirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I dont have any.

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

NIGHT

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Fuckin hell, I have too many to list here. 

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

One of my favorite dreams was I was working in a dollar store, and like 4 guys with guns ran in and were like robbing the place and I just looked at them and said “why the fuck would you rob a dollar store?” and they just look at me for a few seconds and then shot me. I had it a few years ago.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Dr, Pepper

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Pretty much and percussion/clicky noise.

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.  I dont even have a pair of sweats.

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty like usual

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Music

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

First one Im getting is a Maximal insignia.

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

Idk man.

Thank you Jana! C:

[internalstars]

LIT Retreat

Oh my, this is gonna be long but it was so fun!!

Friday (4/28)

so i didn’t go to coffee or micro and just came for work due to me needing as much sleep as i can get before the retreat, and i had to hand out some things to D and J and didn’t want to hold onto them for long. Went to work, J got the duffle, D bought and brought me some chick-fil-a :) E swung by and so did D but lets not get into that.... S passed by and asked if i’m excited about the retreat, moved to back booth, E came by and so did J, twas fun

got my stuff and had 30 min to chill, i forgot to charge my phone all the way tho :( started walking to car, i was riding w C!!! and J and J. got there first, we had small talk, J showed up, and talked to him for awhile, we were left in the car alone, wasn’t too awk, C came back and finally J came. 

we went to walmart, right when we got out of the car a woman approached C, and asked if we can buy her some diapers for her baby, C said sure and asked her to come w us, C was asking her about her life, and we walked around trying to find her some diapers and wipes, C went quickly to get something, so J just paid for S’s stuff, she wanted some food for her family so J and J went to Jack in the Box while J told me to find C and stay with him to get his things, he was like right there but they already left, so i went with him to find water bottles, J needed some as well, anyways, there was only a small section and then i was like wait theres more over there, we looked for quite a while until he was like yeah im gonna go back to the cheap ones lolol we also had to pick one for J and he was like pick one between red and neon yellow so i said red obv, we paid and then we saw some cardboard cutouts of a lady with a big dancing skirt and man with a sombrero and guitar, so C was like lets take a pic with those jokingly and i was like that is a good way to start off the retreat, and he was like yeahhh so we took pics, i was w the man and had to tiptoe and he took one w the lady staring off in the distance lol we went to go find J and J and lowkey was worried so i asked C if they were ok and he was like yeah yeah, went there and C got his snacks, apples and cookie butter and i was like omg i love cookie butter and he was like theyre amazing but nobody rlly knows about it, so when we were at the table he gave me a slice of apple and cookie butter on it and i ate it, it was v good, he gave some to J  too, and even handed me the snacks for me to get some more, but i was like nah im good, J was in the middle of talking to S about the gospel and we were just listening in and then she prayed for us and we all gave S hugs then went on our way

we just talked, getting to know each other, but J fell asleep and so it was quiet for most of the cafr ride, we arrived!

they were just sitting around the campfire (no fire yet) with their chairs, saw D and G and c so talked to them, grabbed my chair to sit w them, C asked for some of my hand sanitizer and i was like it smells rlly girly and he was like it has sparkles too haha you caught me irene lololol anyways, we just chilled, mostly talking about their piercings, finally introduced myself to J and she was hugged me, the campfire got started, and we started sterilizing the hangers on which we had to eat the hotdogs from, i stuck a hotdog in mine but forgot to wipe it off first so it was black on some parts, had a hard time cooking it lol, kinda got the tip burnt but that was it, just chilled, had a worship sesh led by A and W, then C talked for a lil bit, then we played werewolf! it was soooo fun! the first round i was the little girl so i knew who the werewolves are, and when it was time to accuse, i accused C lololol i forgot my first reason but the second was that all the dead ppl was pointing to him, so then he came to defend himself and was like if i was a werewolf i would kill the ppl next to me and i shouted yeah like toby! (who was right next to him) and everyone was like omgggg hahahhah so he got ousted, then i accused A bc he tried to nominate someone to divert attention from J, so he was out, then J was a team effort and so was M and T by me, M and W it was so great!! we won and W was like i knew yall knew what was going on and we were all just so happy omg it was just so great

 then the next round i was part of the couple which means if one dies the other dies w them, and lol so A called the couple out to know who they are and it was jsut me so everyone was like are they single lolol and C even volunteered to be the other one but it was handed to C, then somebody killed C so we both died p early but it was great to actually know everything that was going on, C was a werewolf (!!) 

that ended and then T and D and I were just talking, mostly them two, C cmame by to say gnight bc he was going to sleep, he said good game to me, then i just went over to the game going on, was so confused, and later C announced to clean up, D and I went to the bathroom, then to the tent, we changed and cleaned up, also no running water, so no washing hands or place to brush our teeth, we did it outside the tent and spat in the grass, was v uncomfortable sleeping that night, first bc i was just unsettled by the fact that i didn’t rlly feel like i belonged there w others, and i kept praying to God but i dont think i ever finished that prayer, it was cold and hot alternatingly, was afraid to hit M, kept rolling around, no pillow, and the wind was super loud, 

Saturday

woke up at 8 for breakfast, D woke me up, we got cleaned up, then i ate a banana, and one poptart from J, C was right across from me, D and I went to the bathroom, then just got ready for the day, we had down time, so I was talking to J and she was just trying to get to know me esp bc i said i was from the philippines, i got hit by a frisbee tho, J tried to warn me, but it was too late and it hit me in my ear and my cheek ish, dude it hurt bci t was hard, but it went away, i started tearing up and J was gonna get me a bag of ice, L was the one who threw it -.-, C came to joined our little group but turned around to watch the frisbee game so that he can protect us from getting hit lol, then we had worship led by K, and it was great, J talked and then we had 30 min to just have QT, so we each grabbed a chair and i prayed mostly and looked at some scripture and then prayed some more, after that, we had lunch, PB&J, dont rlly like it, was not in the mood, so i just ate some of my hot cheetos, J ate some too and J who hated spicy stuff actually tried a few, we were in a circle once again, i was w J and C and J then J joined as well as T and J and D and J, they just told some stories, and C came later with a sandwich and cheetos within it, he talked to me about my hot cheetos (sad he doesn’t like it) and said do you know what ive been craving? that filipino food truck, and i was like omg yeah theyre great but they dont come around often, and J was like you can track them on social media yeah lil thing but it was great, then we played games, so first we did the rope thing where we had to hold onto the rope and be fully supported bby tghe rope, i was next to J and C, we almost fell at one point, then we split up into 3 groups and did the human knot, we were the first ones out and it was super quick too, Z asked some team building qs, then our group tried it again but it didn’t work lol so we just played bang and that was super fun, never won but had fun nonetheless, then once the other teams gave up, we played this suepr fun game where we pretend that we were in an airplane crash and some got paralyzed, broken legs and arms, blind, mute, and healthy ppl, and basically the point of the game is to get everyone across the finish line within a certain time limit, i was picked to be paralyzed both times, so ppl had to carry me, L carried me the first time w M and D and i was the first one to make it there safely, it was sooo funny bc T was paralyzed and it took like 10 ppl to carry him it was so funny to watch, but we all made it in 3 min!! when we were given 10 min, so the next time, there were more paralyzed and unconscious ppl and more injuries and a lot more guys were picked and we were given 4 min, so we started complaining, but we made it in 3 min and 15 sec!!! A was the one who carried me this time, w J’s help, was one of the first to cross again, and when we finished they asked what was a struggle and successes and i said that there were always ppl ready to help me without me even having to ask, then we had chill time i think, or maybe this was before lunch idk tbh, but afterwards, J was just talking to me and asked me if my parents were believers, i told her my conflict about church and she said she wanted to talk about this more so she offered to have lunch w me, then lit team and lead team got separated and C talked to us and split us into groups of 3, i was w L who i met for the very first time, and C, we were supposed to be vulnerable and what to pray about, what you struggle w, and i told them about my feelings of doubt and fear, we prayed for each other, and after i prayed, C was apparently there, and talked lol idk how long he was there and if he heard my prayer, but he wanted to talk to C, anyways, we were just conversing afterwards, then got the whole group together and we discussed what have you learned from God this semester in which j was like to pace yourself and not take up everything even if they are all good works, G was like you are placed where you are for a reason, and some other ppl talked, then we all prayed one at a time and just waited for further instructions, the lead team was taking a really long time, so first the girls and i were just taking then i went to the pond and skipped some rock unsuccessfully w others, then just kept moving around, the girls finally found a table and just chilled there, B came by ad said that there has been some conflict and theyre just trying to talk it out now, so we were super hungry and thankfully C’s car was unlocked, so i went and grabbed my hot cheetos and gummy bears and baby wipes, we demolished all those and then we were finally called for what to do next, in which C was talking about how this is a serious time now, and the level of vulnerability from you is up to us, then we were told to get in a single line and my heart was beating rlly fast, i was not scared but anxious as to what it is, the lead team were all in a circle holding up cardboard signs, lit each had to take turns to read what was on it, and then write our own, if we want, then go back to the line, honestly i was tearing up before i read their signs and when i was in line again, i just kept crying, then we worshipped and then Z talked and it was in Luke when Jesus washed his disciples feet so the lead team washed our feet, E was the one who washed mine, and then C and B talked and we chilled til dinnertime, i hugged D and she was like we need to have monthly meetings next sem to just chekc up on each other adn we all agreed,we had chili, and then we packed up and headed home, the ride home was more enjoyable bc we were all just conversing and C asked what we wanted to do again in the lead team, and i was like coffee and C was like i just think that yall would make good small group leaders, and i told him why i didnt put that down (im not strong enough in my faith to handle all of them and schedule ofc), and C was like I accept the second reason but the first reason isn’t a reason (or somewhere along those lines), and honestly that struck me in the heart, i was like well that was what i thought... and he was like all the small group leaders though that way and probably still think that way, which was comforting to me, C asked about our music tastes me:none

then all BSM met at whataburger!!!!! omg it was so fun, we were the first ones to get there, all sons and daughters song played and C was like ive never heard of this song before and i was like really? even i have heard of this song and he laughed, then he was like im sorry guys my car stinks and i was like it was more of a group effort, and he was like thats comforting, anyways i sat w M and J and S at whataburger, got bbq chicken tender sandwich, D was supposed to sit w us but sat w J instead, we talked about majors and what we thought about this weekend, we extensively discussed the cardboard moment which everyone thought was heart provoking, then i was around G and L and C and A, L wants a piercing and T showed up but i was like nooo, D came to just rest on me, showed T my cartilage, then went to hbu, kinda dozed off on the way, hugged J and exchanged numbers, then hugged C, said bye to C, D, Z, and L as well. went home, showered and crashed.

[survivorsentinelislands]

RITES OF PASSAGE

CARSON - i wasnt there at the tribal you went, and it sucks you went, but whatevs, didnt talk to you much in this game

KEEGAN - We didn't speak much at all, maybe two sentences in total. But you probably shouldn't have been the first boot but unfortunately that's just how things turned out

NED - I didn’t get the chance to talk to you much, but you didn’t seem interested in discussing tribal with me. I’m sorry you went first, but it’s hard to escape being first boot just because everyone is so relieved it’s not their name that comes up.

SAM - I’m so sorry you were the first boot  you seemed really nice but we didn’t get enough of a chance to talk

KEEGAN - You took my Mari avatar. I guess it's cool youre also a fan of her.

NED - I don’t remember talking to you! I wish I could have gotten to know you before you got voted out

CARSON - inactive goddess

KEEGAN - I don't know what is/was going on but I'm sad you never really got to play the game. I think you would have been a fierce competitor and maybe even the one to beat. Hope everything is alright!

NED - I’m still not sure why you weren’t responding, and I really hope you’re doing alright. If you see this, message me just so I know you’re fine!

SAM - I hope everything worked out with school and whatnot. I know you said you were super busy with the semester starting so that’s probably why

CARSON - i was really looking forward to working with you if you made swap, but unfortunately that didnt turn out well : /

KEEGAN - I can't say a lot about you this game, since we only interacted in the one world. I think had you made the merge, we could have had an interesting dynamic that may have changed the game. Unfortunately, we never got the chance to see if something like that happened.

NED - You’re such a friendly guy! I know we would have ended up working together had you stayed in longer, and it definitely sucks to be 4th boot- I know from experience. I hope everything’s going alright!

SAM - I really liked you in the beginning of the game! I know that we were never on a tribe together but I was pretty bummed that you got voted out

CARSON - we didnt talk too much, but youre always great in games

KEEGAN - A victim of a tribe swap! We helped each other out a little bit pre-swap and that was pretty fun. I didn't get to know you too well but I enjoyed the little bit we did work together.

NED - This was super hard. I’m still really sorry about doing this, because I feel like we get along great, but I couldn’t jeopardize my own game to keep you in. You didn’t really participate in the challenge (for whatever reason), so it seemed easy to take out the person who didn’t contribute. I wish I could have saved you, but going against the group that early in the game would have been a bad idea!

SAM - You’re so nice and I’m so sorry that you had to go out so early.

CARSON - it was more a thing of just maintaining the majority, im sorry

KEEGAN - Pretty much the only time I talked to you was lying about tribal oops. In hindsight, voting out Alex or Josh over you might have been a better idea but then again, who knows? I don't think you really deserved to be voted out when you did, Elijah even volunteered to be voted out before you but we did what we had to gain a majority.

NED - We didn’t spend any time together in this game, but I want to say that I’m sorry about Sweden. Hopefully we can talk more in the future!

SAM - Stevie!! How could you get voted out before we got the chance to work together?? What a flop honestly. Anyways I was sooo upset that you got voted out but it was kind of funny to be getting drunk in Buffalo and see it happen.

CARSON - you asked to be voted off so i cant rlly say much

KEEGAN - You said it yourself, you took on way too much and just didn't have your head in the game. I think you could have been a strong player but we just never got to see it. Hopefully you did better in your other games.

NED - This was a bummer. We were basically destined to work together if we both made it to merge, so it sucks that that wasn’t possible. It was great getting to know you!

SAM - I really liked getting to know you when you were around! I wish you could have made merge

KEEGAN - Based on the initial cast assessment, you were the one person I actually wanted to work with the most. I can't say how well we would have worked together or if it would have even happened but never having the chance to even try was a big disappointment.

NED - I am so sorry, John! You’re an awesome guy, and you really contributed a lot to our tribe. Once again, I knew that if you left, I would be next- but there was virtually no way around this without putting my own game on the line. I hate that we lost, because you’re a great guy, but I was hearing a lot of different messages from Logan and Sam, and I started to doubt my alliances. I’m so glad you made jury, though, because I know you have a lot of valuable input and really- you deserve it.

SAM - Coffey Cakes! Your vote was honestly the hardest vote this whole game! I really wanted to save you and pull you out of the hole you dug yourself  but I couldn’t unfortunately, I’m so happy for you that you made jury though so like at least you made jury

CARSON - i really hope youre doing ok  but you still said my name so!!!

KEEGAN - You were a pretty awesome person to talk to. We never really talked strategy and had maybe one or two sentences actually discussing the game in any significant way. That being said, I don't think we would have ever worked together and probably would have spent much of the game in clashing alliances.

NED - Logan! I’m not sure what exactly made you drop this game, but I respect your decision and hope you’re doing well. You’re a great person and friend, and I’m so glad we got the chance to work together after Bangladesh! You’re really a natural leader, and I hope you use those talents to their fullest in your life!

SAM - My dearest Logan, I was so sad when you quit but I understand why you did. I know you started feeling better as soon as you quit so I'm happy for you in that respect but I wish we could have had more time together. I absolutely adored getting to finally actually work with you and being on the same side. You're such a fun person to talk to you and you know that your alcoholic mother loves you <3

CARSON - we didnt talk like… at all. so i have no comment, sucks you had to go out the way you did though

KEEGAN - We never spoke at all oops. You didn't deserve to go out the way you did, that advantage was pretty unfair tbh

NED - Hey Sara! You’re such a fun person to talk to, and our tribe was one of the greatest I’ve ever been on because of that. I hate that you were the casualty of a twist, but you played a great game and I hope we can keep in touch!

SAM - Sara you were so wrongfully taken out of this game. I know that you didn’t have much going on but you still probably would have made it far. Plus I just love any interaction I can have with you so I enjoyed having you around for a while.

CARSON - ah! My closest ally and probably the shadiest person ive ever played with in games. You’re a piece of work Darian Goggin

KEEGAN - Oh Darian, I have so much I could say but I'll try to keep it brief. What I find most interesting about our relationship in this game was your frequent comments about how you wanted me at the end with you so you could win. You seemed to have it set in your mind that I was an easy person to win against and wouldn't put up a fight if we made FTC together. And then when we made merge with options, you often brought up how well off you were and how you had a plan to easily make finals and drag me along. I had fun working with you while it lasted but ultimately I had to jump ship to save my own skin.

NED - Oh, boy. I really do still feel bad about this, because you and I were basically Jay and Adam. We’ve had a brother-like bond since day 1, but for some reason we kept ending up on opposite sides of things. I only voted for you because I knew how big of a threat you were, and hopefully the Yang to my Yin can be together again after the game ends.

SAM - whew I think your ego may have gotten the best of you and I’m so sorry. You were in such a good position until we all started talking to each other and that’s why you had to go. You had so many good connections and were clearly really good at finding idols that you would probably still be here if you hadn’t gone at that tribal. I’m really sorry that it had go down that way but you were the biggest threat at the time and the most likely to win at that point

CARSON - we didnt talk much but your name was always brought up, so i just went with the flow

KEEGAN - I got the feeling you never got over my sort-of-not-really lie to you about the Stevie vote. Which is fine, I had no intentions of actually working with you in the game. You put up a hell of a fight at the end though, and I have to commend you on that.

NED - I really enjoyed talking to you when the game started! You and I seemed set to work together pretty early on, but for some reason, it seems like you got taken out of the game a little bit toward the end. I’m guessing things got pretty busy, but we should still talk in the future- and play Overwatch! SAM - Boy where did you go? You fought your way back (kind of), then you were here trying to save yourself and talking to people and I thought this might be a turning point in your game and we might be able to work together but then you disappeared again and self-voted your own ass out of the game like damn. Anyways, I really wanted to work with you and I enjoyed the very little conversation we did have, I just wish you could have made some more waves during this game or something (yeah I fucking love Crusade, I was such a fan I should have said something)

CARSON - became my closest ally, but never trusted me! Whew! You said my name at final 10 soooo! Idc!

KEEGAN - This being your first game is something to be hella proud about. You played a very strong, strategic game. Regardless of how you think you did, you should be happy for doing so well and turning into a true threat to win the game. I had a lot of fun talking and strategizing with you and had we been on the same tribe since the start, I think we could have had a really strong bond.

NED - This was really difficult. Daisy, I still can’t believe this is your first game- you were outstanding! I felt like we developed a real connection, and you caught on to subtle social cues better than I would have imagined possible. I would have loved to go with you to the end just as a show of loyalty, but it was pretty clear that you had flipped and there was nothing I could do to change that. I hope we can still talk, because you’re so nice and easy to talk to! And you should definitely start up Doctor Who again- it’s really a great show!

SAM - Daisy, I loved all of the time we got to work together. I was really hoping that we would be able to go all the way to the end together but you said it best, no snakes allowed. I respect a good move and I respect your gameplay but I just had to make a counterattack. I really did love getting to know you and all of the time we got to work together. It was so much fun and I hope you enjoyed your first ever game.

CARSON -  robbed legend. We tried doing something, and it wouldve worked too.

KEEGAN - I feel like you didn't really apply yourself to the game until it was too late. You showed you could be really game savvy those last few days and had you applied yourself throughout the whole season, I could have seen you really being a force to be reckoned with. We didn't talk much, if any, on a personal level but I think you could have been a pretty fun person to talk to and I probably should have made more of an effort.

NED - I’m sorry you had to be taken out in such a brutal way. The idol was essentially my only ticket to safety. If Sam was voted out, I was pretty sure I’d be next. You seem like a great guy, and your UTR flipping with Daisy was really cool to watch (except for the fact that I was on the other end of it). It was great to see you grow throughout the season, and I hope we can still talk once this game ends!

SAM - I know we never really got the chance to know each other but you seem very sweet. You were really nice in the tribe chat and always very respectable. I don’t think anyone has a bad thing to say about you and in a season like this I think that really speaks volumes. Maybe we’ll get to know each more once this season ends.