#ive never known how to celebrate my birthday or my name day because that stopped being a thing pretty early on as a kid

[reejs-corner]

I got sick a few days ago and I'm realizing I'm probably gonna be sick for my name day...

And even if I'm not, there won't be enough time to plan anything anyway (that's what I get for pushing to do as many shows as possible despite doing well at like none of them)

And this year was supposed to make up for not getting to celebrating last year, too...

[trashforanyoneatthispoint]

KARMAS A B*TCH

[this shit gets intense so be warned]

Thanks for reading my trash :)

[nafla x reader , thequiett x reader]

-----------------------------------------

Its everyday. He never comes home, never calls, never says his famous "I love you"s. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but isn't this excessive?

I met Seokbae through a mutual friend. I grew up with Donggab as my neighbor so naturally, I became super close with him. Being that our moms would always be over ateach other's houses, I think I saw him more times in a year than there are days. Near the end of elementary school, he fell in love with hip hop and rap. I remember asking him what he was talking about when he would speak in English. We were only 10 and all I knew was my native language of Korean, but Donggab seemed to know a lot more than me. I admired his passion and I always knew he would make it big one day. When his career really started to get a move on, we started to drift away, being that we were both busy with school and work. But we still met up a few times during the years and it was as if nothing had ever changed. Occasionally, there would be a fangirl here or there asking for a photo, but I didn't mind, I loved that he was doing what he loves.

When he announced Illionaire records, I was the first one to call him up and congratulate him (or so I like to believe). I begged him nonstop to introduce me to joonkyung because I was such a fan. When he finally gave in, I immediately got along with everyone there. Everyone seemed to love me, I hope, and I absolutely loved being with everyone there. Overtime, the hip hop industry in Korea was growing immensely and more and more rappers were coming out to show off their talents and become the best. I loved how everyone was so close even if they weren't in the same agency. Donggab would naturally invite me to all of their parties and events, which is how I first encountered Seokbae.

Illionaire, Ambition, and AOMG were invited to the hottest club in LA, Sound NightClub. It was slightly chilly for LA, being that the sun had set a long time ago and the stars were the only source of light. I put on the sexiest dress I owned, a short black dress with a cross back and lace trimmings. I haven't gotten this dolled up since my High School Prom. I finished the look for the night with the perfect black heels and a clutch, knowing there would be cameras and fans everywhere that night considering the biggest names of KHiphop were going to be in one location. Donggab offered to pick me up, but I declined and told him I want to go almost unnoticed and just meet him inside the club. He didn't fight my choice, knowing how stubborn I am. I called a Uber from my hotel room to the club and 10 minutes before arriving, the traffic was already heavy enough to make me consider walking the rest of the way.

I got to the front of the line and told my name which was on the VIP list thanks to my connections for Illionaire records. The scary looking usher let me in right away and escorted me to where Donggab and all his friends were sitting. I saw lots of familiar faces: Joonkyung, Changmo, DeokKwang. And faces I've only seen on TV and in music videos: Jay Park, Simon Dominic, KeemHyoEun. But there was one face that caught my eye immediately. He had bright red hair and a couple of face piercings, sticking out from the rest of the much more calm looking rappers in the booths. I was quick to find Donggab and sit next to him, slightly at a loss of breath from being near so many celebrities. He calmly I troduced me to everyone that he thought I didn't know, which of course included the red head. His name was Seokbae, better known as Nafla.

Throughout the night of drinking and being near so many smokers, I felt tipsy and hazed from the smoke in front of me andin my lungs. The only thing I could clearly see was Seokbae's "secret" glances towards me. My tipsy brain didn't know what to do. Yes, he was very cute and very much my type, but here? Now? What would Donggab say? There was too much on the line. I excused myself from the VIP section to go get some fresh air that wasn't contaminated with Changmo's drunk ass yelling.

"Hey Donggab, I'm gonna get some fresh air, I'll be right back" I said, whispering in his ear, hoping he would hear over the loud EDM music playing in the club

"Aight, you ok? Youve been quiet all night, which is really unlike you" He pointed out.

I tried to respond but Changmo had just jumped on the table and spilled the ice meant for the drinks all over Seokbae. Everyone's reaction was a mix of shock and laughter, but not Seokbae's. He sat there with the clear expression of "I'm about to pop off on this bitch" because we all knew that his outfit cost more than Rolex he had on his right wrist.

I took this chance to step out, but as I was about to leave the VIP section I heard Seokbae excusing himself as well. I didn't think much about it until he called out my name once I was outside. I stepped into the cool breeze of night under the moonlight of LA. It was much more refreshing than the stuffy atmosphere of the club.

"Hey" I heard a voice behind me say.

I turned around to see a half wet Seokbae grinning at me, "hey" I smile back.

We went from introducing ourselves again to small talk about the whole ice incident. We laughed about it all after mildly bullying Changmo without him knowing. At that point, we were outside for 30 minutes and it was getting slightly too chilly for the short dress you had on. Seokbae offered you his expensive looking, ice almost dried jacket to me and I happily obliged. He was definitely a smoothtalker, and that's when I seriously fell for him.

Going back into the club together, we got weird and teasing looks from all the other guys. Even Donggab seemed to enjoy making things up about what happened between the two of us out there. I just brushed it off with a roll of my eyes because I knew who the real winner was : me, because I had gotten Seokbae's number.

What started out to be the most romantic relationship ever now seems to be so distant that I can only see hazy images of it. Its been 2 years since that night at the club and 22 months of dating Seokbae, who I thought was supposed to be my knight in shining armor. Now, there were no more sweet talks, no more romantic gestures, no reciprocation, and as much as it scares me to say, no spark. What happened? The most caring, loving boyfriend who would always leave little notes for me around the house for me to find and smile at won't even come home to see me or even text me, when he's out. I knew something was going on, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again until I couldn't anymore. It was time to confront him about it all.

Today is our 1000 day anniversary of us dating. I reminded him all day that he has to come home early tonight no matter what. Surprisingly, he agreed and actually got home on time. You had made him his favorite dinner and put some natural makeup on, only to eat the beautiful meal in silence. Seokbae was on his phone, never once thanking you for the meal or asking you about your day or even telling me about his. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Babe" I broke the deadly silence, but no answer.

"Baby" I tried again, barely getting his attention, "are you ok?" I asked nervously.

"I'm fine, just tired" he replied coldly. That's it? I didn't think so.

I kept pushing him little by little to tell me what was going on, but it just ended up frustrating him.

"I'm going to the bathroom" he said with absolutely no emotion. Except, he left his phone on the table next to his plate, screen facing down on the table. I waited for the sound of the bathroom door closing and without hesitation, I lunged for the phone. The anxiety, the curiousity, and the fear were eating me alive. If something was going on, then I didnt want to waste anymore time.

I hurriedly unlocked his phone which was surprisingly still your birthday. The screen unlocks to a conversation between my boyfriend and some girl named Audrey. I didn't believe my eyes.

"Babe when are you coming over again?"

"Soon, my girlfriend has been nagging me all day about some dinner tonight so after that I'll make up an excuse and go"

"Ok, sounds good, miss you!"

"Miss you too, love you babe ❤️"

That goddamn heart. This goddamn bastard. I was so angry only tears rolled down my cheeks, which were now burning red with rage and betrayal. I put the phone down on my lap and sat still, thinking of what to say to Seokbae when he returned.

"Hey I forgot to bring my pho- what are you doing?" He asked cautiously.

I couldn't even look at him. I simply rose the phone with the messages and that goddamn heart in my hand so that he could see. Tears continuously streaming down my face, I could only make out one word

"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking and weak.

"(Y/N)... I-I never meant to hurt you"

"Get out" I said as cold as ice

"Come on, please, let me explain. Don't shut me out like this" he tried to beg, but the sincerity in his voice sounded forced.

I finally worked up the courage to look up at him, the tears ceasing for a moment.

"Seokbae ... Do you remember how we met? How we met eyes through the smoke in the club? How you were so sweet to me when we were outside that night? And how loving you were to me for the next year after we started dating?"

He stood in silence, now starting to tear up as well.

I continued, "then you became this monster I didn't know. You stopped coming home, you stopped responding to my texts and calls, you stopped telling me that you love me. And do you know why? Because you never did. My love for you was so real, the realest thing Ive ever felt in my entire life. But for you, it was nothing. It was another way to spend some extra time."

I looked down at my cold plate of food, regretting all the times I doubted my intuition, letting this disgusting man control what I feel. He still said nothing, mostly from the shock of being exposed.

"It still hurts you know." I said, the tears coming back abruptly. I hated myself for crying in front of him, he didn't deserve them.

"(Y/N)... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry (Y/N)."

"I think you should leave, Seokbae" quietly, not really sure if he even heard it right, I got up and locked myself in my room. After I heard the front door closing and locking, I sobbed, not knowing if I felt more betrayed or regretful. I curled up on my bug empty bed and cried myself to sleep, my body still missing his presence in the bed.

The last couple weeks have been dreadful. I stopped going out with friends, I didn't eat anything, and I even shut out Donggab. He texted me nonstop, asking me what happened, if it had something to do with Nafla, where I was, why I wasn't responding. Every once in a while he would just barge into my apartment and force me to eat and talk. When I first told him what had happened, he swore he would get Seokbae fired and blacklisted, but that's not what I wanted. I just wanted to never see him again, have nothing to do with him.

Today, Donggab came over again with Thai food and dragged me out of bed to eat. He would try to get me to talk, be more lively, but I was not cooperating one bit.

"Dammit (Y/N)!" He slammed his chopsticks on his plate, making me jump and look at him, "get over him! He wasn't shit! If he had the audacity to cheat on you then he is not what you deserve! You deserve more than that, and I'm done sitting here just watching you sulk in despair as he's going around partying and having the time of his life!" At this point, your very calm friend was starting to scare you as he was fuming.

"damn Donggab, way to cheer me up" I said, still lifeless.

"Come on, get up, go take a shower, do your makeup, and let's go" he stood up abruptly.

"What? Where are we going?" I asked, super confused.

"To the club. And you're going to be my date" he said with a smirk on his face.

My eyes widened in confusion and shock, but he forced me to abide by his orders and we ended up at the same club Seokbae and I first met.

As soon as we were in the public eye, Donggab didn't let me out of his sight always with a hand around my waist looking out for any signs of Seokbae.

30 minutes into the dancing, as I started to feel better, I saw him behind Donggab. Seokbae was all over another girl, pulling the same shit he did on me when we first started to go out. Anger and sadness filled my eyes and Donggab saw it. He drags me way closer to Seokbae, right in his range where he could see us, and did the most shocking thing.

Before I could even process it, Donggab had been kissing me right in front of Seokbae who had wide eyes filled with fury.

Without any right, Seokbae made a b-line towards us and split us apart.

"What the hell?! (Y/N)?! What are you doing making out with Donggab?!" Seokbae was yelling over the crowds dancing and the music playing.

"Why do you care, jackass? Just leave her alone, she's mine now" Donggab announced, shocking the both of us and many around us.

"You don't know what's good for her! Fuck off!" Seokbae's veins were popping and he was the most red I've ever seen him.

"No, you should fuck off. Leave me and my mans alone Seokbae, I never wanna see your face again" I declared proudly, to which Donggab kissed me again to piss off Seokbae even more.

He ran off pushing people out of the way in anger and humiliation. I turned to Donggab after realizing what had just happened.

"Um... Can we talk about this?"

"Ok, well I really like you (Y/N). And it was so painful to see you those years with that jerk, Seokbae, so I realized I don't want to waste any more time. Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked, looking a little nervous.

I just laughed, "if we're not dating now, you got a lot of explaining to do with those kisses... But yes, I would love to be your girlfriend"

We kissed one last time and made it official.

Karmas a bitch, but it can also be a good bitch.

[hes-writer]

A Cheat IV

How about when y/n is engaged with her boyfriend and how happy she is with her life but harry is still miserable. He misses her so much that he begs her to take him back, like literally begging. He tells her that he’ll do anything bc it hurts him to see her getting married with someone else. But y/n isn’t having any of it so she tells him “you already took my heart for granted and left me broken. But now i finally found my happiness again, you’re going to take that away from me too?”

Summary: Harry cheats, Y/N is happy

Warnings: angst

Word count: 3.6k

“That’s what I hoped and gee thanks, have fun with yours too if you ever get over me,”  Harry smirk at her menacingly.

She rolls her eyes, burning from the tears she held back. She remains strong.

“Don’t worry, I will.”

Y/N couldn’t believe how well things have been going for her. In the past eight months after her and Harry’s horrid conclusion to their relationship, Y/N had finally graduated from university after four grueling years of late nights and caffeine coursing through her system. She had gotten a puppy—something that she’d always wanted, but never took the initiative to get one. After tossing her cap in the air during the ceremony with Alan beside her, she was offered a job at a well-known law firm only a few weeks after. Everything is going great.

Not a few days ago, Alan had proposed to her and the engagement ring on her pinky finger was proof of a powering relationship, glimmering against the light of her wooden work desk serving as a backdrop. She smiles to herself, thinking how things finally turned around for her. One of her coworkers passes by, noticing the jewelry adorning her finger and stops to eye her suspiciously, a smile stretching over her face before squealing as Y/N nods shyly. She congratulates Y/N before walking away to her own table.

Y/N’s phone ‘dings’.

Alan

“hey babe, im cooking dinner tonight

what do u want? :))))”

She sighs with satisfaction, having someone supporting her through everything made her feel wanted. Alan is the perfect match for her. Regardless of dating for only six months (they've known each other since high school), he’s been a sturdy shoulder to lean on during the past two where she altered between crying over Harry or being a strong, independent woman that has had enough of being treated like shit. When he asked her out, granted a bit timidly since he wasn’t exactly sure if she was ready to move on, she hesitated but she trusts Alan. She also told herself that not all men are like Harry.

-----

Irene and Harry’s relationship didn’t last long after Y/N caught them in the bathroom. Actually, it ended not too long after. Since Harry’s attention was focused solely on her, Irene took advantage of that and asked him to purchase her a bunch of things that she ‘probably didn’t need’, Harry thinks. I mean, did she honestly need four of the same bags in different colours? Or having Harry book five-star restaurants around the city to celebrate Irene's friend's brother-in-laws birthday? Ridiculous. The price didn’t bother him as he had enough money to buy an island, but hearing her talk his ear off about a new Versace handbag or the recent fall line of Jimmy Choo heels that she just had to get her hands on; he’s had enough. Before officially officially splitting from Y/N, Irene had asked him to buy her stuff, sure, but it used to be minute things like a new perfume or some brand-name makeup. But now, it’s as if she thought her name was titled to Harry’s earnings, threatening to break up with him if he didn’t comply.

At first, he gave in to everything, mistaking the fear of Irene leaving him as something he was deathly afraid of. But now, realizing that the feelings he held for were nothing but sexual infatuation, something exciting and thrilling in his life. Now that he had nothing to hide, his life was giving an off vibe–yearning for Y/N’s presence. Yes, Harry missed Y/N.

He first felt a twinge in his heart in that bathroom, slowly but surely, it kept coming back stronger and more frequently. It happened especially before bed, when Y/N would usually speak to him about her day or ask him about his, or even caress him with gentle touches to calm him before sleeping, he misses her gestures that he only thought of as pestering and nagging during the last few months, but really it was nothing more than actions of love and concern. Irene never gave him a second glance, she cuddled into his chest, manicured razor sharp nails scratching his chest as if to be done as a calming notion, but Harry feels it as a burning sensation that urged him to shift uncomfortably from the woman beside him.

Irene was different from Y/N, stating the obvious. Y/N cleaned the house routinely, cooked the most flavourful dishes, and stocked the kitchen and bathroom with supplies efficiently. Harry believes in splitting the workload and chores between people who lived in the house –which was both of them– but Y/N took special charge in the household activities, saying that Harry needs his rest after being busy the whole day. He feels like a jerk sometimes knowing that she was stressed too, yet she continues to work harder than anyone he’d ever met. Besides that, his comparison was that Irene was rather unforgiving with chores. She’d requested many times that Harry hire someone else to do the work for them, she didn’t even live with him! Saying that her nails were too expensive or that her hands were too precious to handle the pressure of cleaning anything in the house. And when Harry did hire someone, she looked down on the helper as if she had the right to do so. Harry powered through her attitude for the good—recently mediocre— sex and the company.

As things got worse, he didn’t know how much more of Irene he can handle. When he received the news that she was cheating on him with her boss, he snapped. He spoke to that guy in person about giving Irene a promotion and this was how they repaid him. Frankly, it didn’t hurt as much as he’d thought; it didn't hurt as much as his break up with Y/N. He was relieved that she wasn’t going to be around anymore. But all things have an equal and opposite reaction because now, Harry felt extra lonely.

The slight twinge in his heart built into something grander when he was left alone with his own thoughts. Replaying his memories with Y/N trying to see where it went wrong. And at that moment, Harry realizes that it was all his fault. He was the reason why they drifted, he was the reason why she packed her things and left their house with nothing but a few stacks of bills in her hands to last for a few months because he’d essentially kicked her out of his life. What was he thinking?

-----

Y/N was on her lunch break for the day, deciding to grab food at the cafe a few blocks from the firm. She was hastily carrying herself through crowds of people with somewhere to go. Once she arrived, she stands behind a lengthy line of customers waiting to state their order to the cashier. Although Y/N rarely strays from getting her regular items, she scans the menu briefly anyway.

Her turn comes, ordering and paying for her food, she was asked to wait on the left side. The main entrance bell chimes, indicating that someone new had either left or entered the café.

Harry walks in with his grandpa hat covering much of his hair and he hopes that it's doing a good job at disguising his face. His hands held tight in his pockets as his lanky legs move him to the line-up. He did not need to look at the menu since he always gets his coffee black. Instead, his eyes scan the area, looking for watchful eyes from people who have recognized him or casually inspecting his surroundings for the sake of it. His eyes land on a familiar head of hair that he has to blink thrice to make sure of what he was really seeing.

There stood Y/N clad in her matching pantsuit, hair in a ponytail and a bag clutched on her elbow. She looks sideways and he was blessed with a side profile of her face. Oh, how he misses her. He decides to take a detour from his usual escapades and makes a beeline towards her.

"Hey"

Y/N turns around, face visibly displaying a mixture of disappointment, confusion, and anger upon seeing Harry.

"Hi," she says curtly, before turning around as her name was called. She grabs her latte and croissant, turning around swiftly before lightly knocking shoulders with Harry's broad ones, make an escape route to the exit. Even though she still had an hour or so left on her break, she doesn't think that she could handle spending any more time with Harry in the vicinity. So she exits and makes it out on the street that has cleared some during her fifteen minutes indoors.

"Y/N! Y/N, wait. Please," Harry shouts from behind her, weaving his way around people blocking his way to Y/N.

"What do you want, Harry?" You.

"I saw you and wanted to say hi," he explains, eyes finding hers trying to find any kind of emotion that meant she was somehow glad to see him. H finds none.

"Well, you said hi. See you around," Y/N briskly tries to walk away once again but is stopped when he grabs her wrist. A chill makes its way up her spine, heart beating untimely. She gulps.

"Please, Y/N. Let's talk,"

She pretends to look at her watch, rolling her eyes before saying, "Fine. You've got ten minutes,"

The pair walk side-by-side towards a nearby park. The silence between them was uncomfortable for both. Sitting on a bench, Harry shifts his body facing her, clearing his throat.

"I want to apologize for-for what I did before," Y/N can tell that he's nervous by the way his body language breaks down in from of her.

"You mean when you cheated on me and I caught you fucking her brains out in the bathroom? Or was it when you knew that your feelings changed for me but you led me on anyway?" Y/N raises her brows accusingly.

He gulps in response.

"Y-yeah for that. Look, I thought about it and it turns out that I still love you, Y/N. I still have feelings for you,"

She takes a bite of her croissant, shifting her gaze somewhere else and further emphasizing how uncomfortable she was feeling right now.

"And if you'd let me, I want to give it another try. I promise I won't ever do it again. You deserve the world and I'm willing to give it to you. I'll do anything that it takes to have you forgive me," he pleads seriously. If he had to jump off of a bridge for another chance at Y/N's love, he would do it. He will do anything to have Y/N forgive him. Anything.

He was blind without her, lost without any guidance and navigating the world alone. He needed Y/N to tell him that it was gonna be okay when times go rough; he needed Y/N to love him like she did before, the way he does for her right at this very moment. He wants to relive the past where he didn't take her for granted--when they were happy. And if he can't, he might as well give it another shot, to experience the happiness she brought him once again by trying the circumstances. He was ready for it if she was.

"I'm engaged, Harry."

His eyes were like laser beams boring through her face; eyebrows furrowing, lips pursing open and closed and his chest felt crushed from the force of her words. She didn't say in a tone to spite him or make him jealous, it was soft and gentle–merely stating a fact that he obviously missed out on because What?

"Engaged? Y/N, what are you talking about," He spits out nervously, not wanting to accept the truth but wanting to learn more about her status. It’d only been eight months, surely she couldn’t have moved on that fast. You’re one to talk, Harry. He snickers to himself.

"Alan and I—we're getting married," She takes a sip of her beverage, ring glinting against Harry's green eyes and he swears that he just saw his life flash before his eyes.

There it is. The ring that bonded Alan and Y/N together, glistening in the sunlight, taunting him. It rested so gently on her pinky as if it was meant to be there. When Harry imagined this moment, she wore a ring that he had given her because he was the one who got down on a knee, declaring his undying love for her, praising her for her beauty and grace, and asking her the question he'd pictured himself repeat about a hundred times under his breath trying to find the best way to ask her to be his wife.

"Y-you're getting married? Tell me you're lying," He sounds angry, demanding, and in disbelief of what's unfolding right in from of his eyes and ears. "Tell me that you're pulling my leg, love," he says his second statement with great vulnerability, voice cracking in the middle of it to which Y/N retracts her neck, appalled.

"No, I'm not kidding. Why would I do that?" Y/N was confused about why Harry was reacting the way he is right now. Shouldn't he be happy for her? After all, he did break it off between the two of them so he had no right to feel hurt or pained. He had Irene.

"Because I wanted it to be me!" He all but yells at her face. Neck vein straining from the blood rushing to his brain, making him dizzy with the knowledge he just received. Palms sweating profusely forcing him to wipe it on his jeans before he takes hold of her empty hand, taking it in his own which she surprisingly lets him.

"I wanted it to be me. I want you to be mine and now I can't because he—he's the one you're going to marry," A lone tear falls down his eyes, nose starting to get runny from the emotions that overwhelm him. She tries to pull her hand back to herself, but he doesn't let her.

"Why are you crying? You wanted this, you wouldn’t have cheated on me if you didn't want me out of your life," She tries to reason and justifies with his previous actions. Everything was making sense until he spits out the bullshit of still loving her. And even so, why did he wait so long to find her and tell her?

"It was a mistake! I was stupid and a huge asshole, I didn't think of the consequences." He grasps tightly to her hand, fearing that this may be the absolute last time he'll be able to touch her like this. "I took advantage of you, of your love and I shouldn't have because you're the most amazing person in this world. You gave me chance after chance and I didn't deserve any of it b-but I just wished you'd give me another one,"

Harry brings her hand up to his lips, kissing it multiple times while looking in her eyes sincerely.

"I'm glad you know that you already took my heart for granted and left me broken. But now, I finally found my happiness again, you want to take that away from me too? Just so you'd feel satisfied with yourself for getting the girl again?" She pulls away.

"Thanks, I'm flattered but even if I was single, I wouldn't dare give you another chance regardless if you are Harry Styles. I don't care if you can give me the world or anything I want because all I needed was for you to love, trust, and be honest with me." She takes hold of her bag strap blindly, holding her coffee cup in hand and standing up. "You didn't give me any of those,"

Harry stands as well, not prepared to lose her once more. "But I can now! I'll love you so much and I will give every ounce of it out of my body. If that's what you want, I'll do it. Just please,"

"Can't you see, H? I'm happy with Alan now. I've moved on, forgotten about you. For god's sake, I'm getting married!"

Each word she darted out of her mouth was like a gunshot to Harry. Wounds getting deeper and his body feeling heavier than usual, the emotional toll it was giving him was too much for him to handle

"Please. Do the same for yourself. I may not love you the way I did before, but I still care about you," Y/N states gently to Harry. If anything she sees him as a friend, still cares for his well-being. From the short distance, she sees a few girls whispering to each other and pointing at him, obviously recognizing his stance and demeanor.

"But I love you, Y/N! Isn't that enough?"

She only smiles at him before shaking her head, "Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes you have to act on it, and sometimes cheating isn’t a great way to prove that.”

“I hope she was worth it.”

And before he could fire back at a chance to defend himself, the group of girls approaches him suddenly, catching him off guard.

He could hear them requesting to sign their phone cases, could hear the shutter of their phone cameras capturing his dumbfounded face, could hear them chattering about his work and he could hear them praise him for all the things he wasn't. Even with the roar of his crowd performances echoing how much they loved him, nothing beats Y/N's soft voice voicing out an, "I love you, Harry" He feels one girl shake his arm, usually he'd politely ask them to not touch him but at the moment he felt numb.

Because a few meters away, he witnesses Alan and Y/N walking towards each other with the brightest smile on their faces. Greeting each other with a hug, everything about them screamed being in love. Like Harry was, except the girl he adored was loving another man. What hurts the most–when they kissed each others' lips tenderly and his mind plays tricks on him, envisioning that he was the guy that Y/N was with except it flicks back to reality much too soon than he’d like it to be.

His imagination is proof of what could've been him and Y/N spending the rest of their lives together but of course, he’d mess that future up. He stands there wishing he could turn back time, praying to whoever it is up there that could help him find love again. Because his heart continuously breaks seeing her be happy with somebody else.

——- If you like it, shoot me a message If you don’t, pretend you do requests are open!

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of DC: Week of March 18th, 2020

Best of this Week: Robin 80th Anniversary

All of the Robins are awesome.

Every Bat-fan has their favorite as they usually define the era when they began their love of Batman and comics in general. Older fans love Dick Grayson for being the first and greatest Robin that helped make Batman brighter. Edgy 80s kids and teens both love and hate Jason Todd for being the bad boy that died. Younger fans love Tim Drake for being the one to carry the name in the later seasons of the animated series and being one of the best and smartest Robins. Girls get representation from the spunky Carrie Kelly and the awesome Stephanie Brown. No one like Damian. (I’m kidding, he’s super fun.)

There’s a Robin for everyone and this 100 Page Spectacular celebrates the long history of Batman’s greatest sidekicks (though misses a chance to give Carrie Kelly her own short story) and does an amazing job in displaying each characters personalities by some of the best people to have written them over the years. Because there are so many, I’m only going to talk about the ones I really enjoyed!

The first FOUR stories follow Dick Grayson and some of his best eras.

“A Little Nudge” is written by Marv Wolfman with pencils by Tom Grummett, two parts of the legendary team behind the best years of the New Titans (1989). This story follows Dick Grayson as Batman begins to nudge him in the direction of becoming his own man by being increasingly irritable to his protege. At this point in time, Dick was dealing with the stresses of outgrowing his childhood identity and Batman’s continuing overbearing nature. Where Bruce was all about being cold and methodical, Dick thought with his gut.

Grummett, Scott Hanna on inks and Adriano Lucas on colors illustrate Dick’s frustration through his increasingly sour facial expressions and sudden heroic actions. The costumes are as colorful as those old days with Dick wearing the bright yellow cape, bright red tunic and the elf shoes. In the middle of the dynamic duo’s fight with Natural History Museum thieves, Dick stops fighting when a child gets shot, against Bruce’s orders, and stays with him until the bad guys either get away or get taken down by Batman. 

Later on, Dick tells Batman that he’s outgrown the Boy Wonder name and sets off to become his own man as Nightwing. Wolfman gives readers an excellent inner monologue from Bruce where he owns up to the fact that he was nudging Dick in that direction because he had just turned eighteen and Bruce believed in him. Batman always supports his kids, especially his first and it turns the story of separation into something heartwarming.

“Aftershocks” is a fun story by Chuck Dixon and Scott McDaniel who worked on my favorite Nightwing series in the 1996 - 2005 era of the character. This wasn’t anything major, just Nightwing doing everything he could to save people after an earthquake causes massive damage to a suspended bridge in Bludhaven. This era of Nightwing was characterized by him mostly striking out on his own and becoming a Bludhaven police officer, being inspired by Jim Gordon. 

Dick really came into his own and developed a rogues gallery to himself during this time, not to mention the sweet costume with the blue “wings” running down his arms into his fingers and those big, bulky gauntlets and boots. This era was the epitome of the 90s with big set piece moments, big muscles and Nightwing just being a nice and generally charming guy. After diving off of the bridge to attach a winch to a falling car, the woman inside asks to name her baby after him and he smiles and says, “Robin works, right?”

“The Lesson Plan” is a story from my favorite modern age creators in Tim Seeley, Tom King and Mikel Janin. The Grayson series took place shortly after Dick’s identity was exposed to the world during “Forever Evil” (2013) by the Crime Syndicate. At this time he was acting as a spy for an agency called Spyral while spying on them for Batman. I never think of Tom King as a comedy guy, but this story was almost gut bustingly hilarious. It was just a world trotting adventure where he teaches one of the students of St. Hadrian’s how to be a spy.

Truly this series was Dick at his most handsome, witty and skilled. He jumps out of a helicopter and grabs onto the cords of a cable car before rescuing a woman held hostage by terrorists on walruses. Dick, the student and the hostage ten fight off more terrorists in Tanzania, riding a bus headed for Los Angeles of all places before Dick finds himself in something Dejah Thoris would wear and having a night with the hostage who reveals herself to be a gorilla from Gorilla City. It’s absolutely absurd, but it is immensely fun and welcome since that whole series is well regarded by fans.  

“More Time” by Judd Winick, Dustin Nguyen and John Kalisz is a far more somber tale about Jason Todd potentially a short time after the events of Under the Red Hood. Jason Todd was the second Robin and met his unfortunate end in the 1988 story, A Death in the Family by Jim Starlin and Jim Aparo. Jason eventually returned in the Batman: Under the Hood story where Winick and Doug Mahnke re-envisioned the former Robin as a violent vigilante Jason does have something of a strained relationship with Batman, but it wasn’t always that way as this story illustrates. 

One thing that Dustin Nguyen has always been great at, it’s making kids super adorable and he does so in this story as it flips back and forth between the past and the present as Jason gives Bruce a birthday present in the form of his father’s watch, which Jason sought to fix. Nguyen and Kalisz characterize the past with Jason appearing as a happy, young kid under the dim lights of the Batcave and a twinkle in his eyes. He’s happy to have a home and a father to care for him so he wanted to do something nice for him.

Present Day Jason is characterized by dark backgrounds with bright oranges, smoke and heavy blacks for the shadows. Jason is far more tired, grizzled and angry, but he still finds the time to place the same gift box from all those years ago on the Batmobile for Bruce to find. At this point in time, they may have been at each other throats, but the love between them was still there, buried deep - culminating in two side by side panels of past and present Jason saying, “Happy Birthday, Bruce.”

“Boy Wonders” is a story about Tim Drake by James Tynion IV, Javier Fernandez and David Baron and sees Tim taking advice from all of his brothers. Next to Chuck Dixon and Geoff Johns, James Tynion IV has had one of the longest lasting impacts on the Tim Drake character throughout his run on Detective Comics by emphasizing the power of his mind in comparison to the other Robins and why he could ultimately be the successor to Batman above each of them or eke out a new life for himself.

While taking down the cast of The Warriors on a speeding train with Nightwing, Tim contemplates what his future will be. He looks to Dick as the one who did everything that he’s doing now and Dick tells him that as the smartest Robin, the best thing he could do is use that mind to bring up the next generation of heroes. Jason, the reason he’s even wearing the costume of Robin in the first place, tells him to take everything he’s learned from Batman  to become BETTER than him. Arguably, it’s Damian that gives him the best advice by telling him that he’s the most capable of all of the Robins and that he should choose a path himself instead of relying on the advice of others.

Of course, this story takes place before the events of Detective Comics Rebirth where Tim does chart his own path in making Gotham safer with his Gotham Knights Protocol, but things don’t exactly turn out well for him. For all of the talk about how Tim is the smartest, he unfortunately could never get out of his own way long enough for things to go right...especially now that he’s going by “Drake” in that awful brown costume.

“Fitting In” is a Stephanie Brown story by Amy Wolfram, Damion Scott and Brad Anderson which sees Stephanie trying to live up to the standards of each of the boys that came before her. Stephanie was absolutely the shortest term Robin that Batman took on, as he only allowed her to take up the mantle in an attempt to get Tim back after his real father told him to hang up the cape after discovering his sons identity.

Even still, Stephanie did everything she could to earn Bruce’s respect and Wolfram plays on this and that past story by making it more about Tim than Steph. She has to train in the same costume that Tim did, but she proves more...voluptuous than Tim. Her costume bursts at the seams and Alfred designs the costume that she’s known for. She and Batman then get a call about fire at an amusement park and ride off to take down Firefly.

Unfortunately for her, she gets captured, but being the innovative girl that she is, she manages to free herself and take down Firefly at the same time. Damion Scott’s art is very well suited to the cartoonish action and paints her as a capable sidekick despite initially being a damsel in distress. I honestly wish her run as Robin would have been longer because she honestly fits well in the role as the bubbly Robin in contrast to the hell that Tim was going through at the time.

A point can be made that this story also had some needless sexualization, but given Bruce's lack of respect for Stephanie and him just wanting a replacement Tim at the time, this was well written from that perspective. He never cared for Stephanie and her time as Robin was mostly her trying to live up to Tim's standard which eventually left her to try too hard and "die" because of it. I’ll always take more Stephanie Brown as I can cause even now there’s not enough of her and I’m damn sure not reading Young Justice by Brian Michael Bendis.

“My Best Friend” is the one that makes me the most sad as it revolves around Jon Kent writing an essay on Damian as well...his best friend. I feel like the Super Sons series was also done a dity hand by BMB as he took Jon and aged him up for his Superman story when we could have gotten more fun stories between Damian and Jon. As far as homages to one of the better Rebirth series this one was just fun.

There’s not much to say other than Jon reminisces over a few of their adventures and tells readers about the side of Damian that we don’t often see because the Bat-boy is always a little bit too intense. Jon reminds us that they’ve fought for most of the time they’ve known each other, but when it comes to being heroes, Damian always had his back. It’s heartwarming. Of course there’s the continuity issue of them going to the same school in this story cause Jon was only ten at the time and Damian was thirteen, but honestly I only care about the friendship.

“Bat and Mouse” is a story by Robbie Thompson and Ramon Villalobos which sees Bruce and Damian having separate brooding inner monologues about how neither understands the other anymore and about how they want to open up to each other, but the distance between them has grown too wide. Admittedly, this is a much darker story in the respect that Batman and Robin haven’t really been the same since Damian started his new Titans team and started down a darker path that his father has yet to find out about.

Thompson captures this feeling that Damian is arrogant but scared. He feels like he’s outgrown what Batman has become because he’s willing to get rid of threats almost permanently through erasing their memories and villainous tendencies (see Teen Titans, 2018). At the same time, he’s afraid that maybe what he’s doing isn’t the right path and he so desperately wants to reach out to his father, but feels like he can’t.

Batman is the same way in that he loves his son more than anything and wants to regain the relationship that they had in the past, but doesn’t know how to say the words either. He knows that Damian is hiding something big, but he doesn’t want to accuse the boy and deepen the already cavernous rift. Even as they take down the robotic villain Quietus, they show signs of breaking through their equally cold exteriors, but fail to do so and I get the feeling this will all come to a head soon.

The Robins will always be some of my favorite characters in all of comics. Each of them have distinct personalities and quirks that set them apart from a lot of comic characters, especially when it comes to the trauma that they’ve faced alongside Batman. This special won’t be for everyone, just like each era of Robin isn’t for everyone, but overall, I really enjoyed it and the creators selected to honor these fantastic characters.

[friking-awsom-kitten]

Sleeping beauty just need some coffee IASA Chapter 4

He gasped, sitting up in shock. However, something refrained him from getting enough air and was shoved up deep into his throat. He chocked and grasped whatever was blocking his airways, ripping it off. Suddenly he could breathe again and he took big gulps.

His eyes flitted around the room in a panic, not recognizing where he was. Something to his left caught his eye and he stared at the woman that had been checking a machine next to him.

The woman dropped what she was holding and screamed.

He screamed back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam had been staring out the window for a long time now. She didn't pay attention to whatever the teacher was saying. Few kids did.

Word of Danny had gotten around pretty fast and by the end of the first day everyone knew. It had been chaos.

Some people were angry and wanted to bill the Fentons for all the damage Danny's fights had gotten them. Some wanted to report the parents for child abuse. Most were furious at the GIW for disrespecting basic human rights and trying to capture a boy and were pestering the government to shut it down. The president, however, wouldn't back down, saying they were the best of the best at ghost science and this town needed them.

But almost everybody was grateful for Danny and all he'd done for the town.

A lot of people had visited him in the hospital. Including several of Sam's classmates.

They would also continuously ask the two friends questions.

About how it happened. If Danny's parents had known. Whether they got to fight ghosts too. Whether Danny would keep protecting the town or if he was ok.

Sam honestly didn't know. It had been two weeks. She'd never been more worried than she was now. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense, though. He had been exhausted. Physically and mentally. He was probably on the bridge of collapsing anyways and that blast must have depleted his energy reserves.

She sighed and glanced towards Tucker, who was staring at his phone. The device was turned off and pushed far away on the table, but the boy didn't take his eyes off of it.

All of a sudden, a sharp ring interrupted the teacher. Everyone jumped a bit in their seats and they turned to look at Tucker, who was scrambling to pick up his phone and putting it on his ear.

"Yes? For real?!" Tucker's eyes widened and he looked at Sam. "He's awake!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They burst in the hospital room. They had memorized the way long before and could walk from the receptionist to the ICU wing in their sleep.

Their eyes immediately fell on the small family in the corner.

Maddie looked about ready to cry and Jack was standing still with furrowed eyebrows. It was not a sight Tucker and Sam had expected to see.

The cause of all this grief was sitting up on his bed with a frustrated expression. He didn't have a breathing mask on anymore and the IV had been removed.

"Danny!" Sam cheered and sprang forward to hug him. He tensed under her hug and she frowned, letting go. "Danny?"

The boy huffed, looking incredibly uncomfortable. "So I've been told. Who are you?"

She was so perplexed her arms went slack. Tucker sucked in a gasp and they both turned to the doctor that had been standing next to them. He cleared his throat. "Yes. Daniel seems to suffer from Amnesia. From what you have told me and what we discovered, this was caused by a combination of sleep deprivation, malnutrition, and recent stress. The severe concussion he recently got sealed it. It affected his hippocampus." The doctor stopped reading from his paper and looked Danny over before continuing. "From what I have gathered up to now, he seems to only be affected on the explicit memory, meaning the memory of the places and the times and the people. Or the who, what, where, when and why. However, the implicit seems normal, thankfully."

"The what?" Tucker breathed out, barely able to form words as he tried to understand everything happening.

"That means the skills he has learned. He can walk, talk, breathe, and all the motoric functions he has learned throughout his life, as well as riding a bike or reading. However, I'm not sure whether his semantic memory is damaged. This is the common knowledge. For example the days of the month. Or when his birthday is. The damage on that may vary."

The raven gave an exasperated sigh. "If you go through that explanation one more time I'm gonna give myself another concussion."

"Well," Tucker smiled weakly, even though tears were threatening to fall, "he didn't change personality-wise."

The other boy grinned. "He did say I still have the skills I learned. Must have practiced my sass a lot because I'm a pro."

Sam snorted. "Yeah. You did." She turned to the doctor. "But they will come back, right? This isn't permanent?"

For the first time, the doctor's face fell. "I- we aren't sure. Retrograde amnesia, which is what this condition is called, doesn't have a cure, but there are some ways to coach old memories to come back. Most patients remember their oldest memories, but Danny doesn't seem to even have that. If he does regain some memories, it will most likely be from early childhood. However, we can't be sure. It could get better, worse, or stay like this for the rest of his life." He looked at the pale faces in the room and smiled encouragingly. "But I don't think it will get worse given that this was a brain injury, first and foremost."

He nodded towards the parents. "Before I run a blood test and prescribe anything, I need some questions answered." He took out a list and a pen. "Did Daniel take medications? Any past health problems? For example seizures or strokes or infections? Did he take drugs?" He crossed over every time they shook their heads or wrote down when they mentioned something about a panic attack or how he had had an accident in the portal.

The doctor shook his head. This kid was a walking medical catastrophe. It was no wonder he ended up with amnesia. He sighed and put his papers down. "I'll send for a drug test and he'll have an MRI scan. After that he will have to stay in the hospital for a few more days until he is fully healed. Daniel, will you let us put back the IV?"

Danny scrunched his nose. "Ugh why. I'm awake now. I just need some food. Do you guys have some fries?"

"We'll get you appropriate food after the IV is back on. Your body is still short on nutrients."

"Please, Danny." Maddie begged. "The sack also has some ectoplasm. It will help you heal faster. You will be able to get out of here sooner."

Danny pursed his lips. This woman claimed to be his mom, and let me tell you how weird it is to not even remember your own mother. He wasn't even sure if he could trust these people. They could be lying to him for all he knew. But he had no other option. Besides, that woman gave him a comforting vibe. He smiled at her unconsciously and nodded. "Alright, but the second I'm out I want pancakes."

All the medical procedures had been run and the doctor had decided Danny would stay two more days before he could go home. All Danny's injuries had been healed during his coma. He claimed nothing hurt and only complained about getting food. Something nobody was surprised about. The boy hadn't eaten normal food in weeks. What they were surprised about was that he was so restless. He should be tired. In fact, he should still be unconscious. But nobody was about to complain about that.

What Danny really wanted was a bath. He felt dirty and gross. He was horrified to learn he'd been washed during his slumber and couldn't look at any nurse in the eye after that.

However, he felt especially uncomfortable when groups of strangers walked through the door and grinned at him and gave him presents and took pictures.

He glanced at the table next to him. It was simply covered in 'thank you' and 'get well' notes and some kind of merchandise. He had also gotten many pictures and drawings, but they were so confusing he couldn't figure heads or tails of it. On the other side were also some balloons and a few stuffed animals and to top it off, all around him were flowers.

I must have been some kind of celebrity, Danny thought. But why were they thanking him?

A girl suddenly burst through the doors and tackled the poor boy. He let out a yelp and she let go just as fast as she'd latched on and started rambling.

"I'm so sorry. I came as soon as I heard and then the plane was delayed and I first had to arrange a short vacation and I had to finish this assignment and they wouldn't let me go saying you weren't in danger of death and they said 'Alright, you can go, but if you don't get that degree it's on you' and I swear I was about to strangle them."

Danny couldn't understand what she was talking about so he took the time to inspect her. She had long brownish-red hair and he could honestly see the resemblance to his apparent mother. This must be Jasmine, his older sister.

The girl seemed to catch on that Danny wasn't responding and she paused, looking at him good for the first time. They stared at each other in silence for some time, taking in the other sibling.

Jasmine held out her hand and smiled. "Hello. My name is Jasmine, but you can call me Jazz. I'm sorry about just now. I was a bit worried."

Danny blinked in surprise. Why was she introducing herself? She must know he had amnesia. He grinned. It felt nice to know at least someone didn't come asking him if he knew them or expecting something from him. He shook her hand. "I don't think I need to introduce myself since you probably know me better than I do. You're my sister, right?"

Her smile brightened and he silently congratulated himself. "Yes. I'm two years older. So I'm nineteen and you're gonna be seventeen in Oktober 27. It's July 13 today. I just came from college."

Danny smiled softly, grateful for all the information she was giving him. He felt awkward having to ask such simple things. "Are you in the first year?"

She nodded. "I'm studying creative therapy. To put it simply, it's a kind of therapy for people who can't put their problems into words so instead do it with their hands. The therapist then can study their movements and results to see how they think and how to help them. There are many types and I'm doing a mix between drama and art."

She continued talking and Danny listened. He learned so much. She told him all about her and her life and her friends and even what recently happened in college. It was as if they were catching up on old times.

She didn't mention anything about Danny, or what he used to do or what they did together and he was grateful for that. It would have felt like she was telling him what he should have done and he would've felt obligated. It was an insane thought, given that all that had happened in the past, but he didn't want people telling him who he was.

They talked for hours. Mostly she was the one speaking, but Danny often put in his opinion or input in something and she would laugh.

At one point, a violet-eyed girl and a dark-skinned boy walked in and joined them. Danny remembered them as the two people who were there when he woke up. He tensed a bit, but they just greeted him and sat down. They said some words to Jazz and turned to look at him.

The boy wiped his hands on his pants and cleared his throat, but at a look from Jazz he smiled at Danny. "Hey, man. I don't think we told you our names. I'm Tucker Foley and that's Sam Manson."

Danny nodded towards them, but frowned at the girl. "Are your eyes naturally purple?"

Sam rolled said eyes as Tucker laughed. "No." She admitted. "They're blue. I got these contact lenses from my grandmother. She didn't want them to go to waste."

Tucker laughed some more. "Her grandmom used to be really rebellious as a teen. She saw potential in Sam," he told Danny and so the conversation went into flow again.

Sam and Tucker telling Danny about themselves and complaining a bit about school. They also told him how they met.

Apparently, Danny had known these people for practically all his life. Since kindergarten. That was a weird thought.

Jazz had glared at them for bringing that up but Danny sighed. "It's ok, Jazz. I'm gonna get this a lot from now on."

Sam winced. "Sorry. Just thought you'd want some background information. If there's something you don't like talking about we won't. Just tell us, alright?"

Danny shrugged. "That's just the thing, Sam. I don't know anything about anything. Everyone expects me to know all kinds of stuff and then it's just gonna get awkward." He huffed, frowning. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'll just figure out what my life is now."

Jazz grinned, beaming proudly. "That's the way to look at it, Danny. Just start off fresh."

Except that wasn't entirely possible. The moment Danny was admitted out of the hospital he knew his life was way weirder than he had thought at first.

When he was let out there was a crowd waving him off and cheering and he got a green sock thrown at him so that was a nice way to enter the world fresh.

Then there was the house he apparently lived in.

He honestly had no idea what to say about that. It looked like aliens had infiltrated earth and were doing a terrible job at laying low.

He sighed, ignoring all the paparazzi and following the two adults inside. It was much better inside. It was very clean. As if it had been prepared for his arrival. That just made him feel more guilty.

Maddie and Jack were grinning at him as they gave him a tour of the house. Maddie more nervously, while Jack was excited.

The first and second story were pretty normal. On the first was the kitchen and the living room. Then upstairs were all the bedrooms. Danny paused in what was apparently his room. It looked pretty clean and neat. He must have been either a perfectionist or his mom had tidied it up for him. He was gonna go with the second one.

Finally, he was shown the basement and the op Center, which is what they called the UFO on the house. The UFO looked exactly how Danny imagined a UFO would look like. It was huge and had a lot of wires. Somewhere something was beeping, but he couldn't figure out what.

Then the basement. Danny shivered as soon as he entered. He saw millions of weird machines and guns and a milkshake maker he decided not to trust. The name Fenton appeared everywhere. Like a logo.

Then there was a door at the other side of the room. It had a beethemed pattern as if warning people of toxins. Danny felt like he should put on a face mask or something to protect himself. His father was wearing some type of protective suit.

"What do you do for a living," he asked, exasperated.

"We're ghost hunters!" Jack grinned, leaving Danny with a baffled expression.

"Why do you hunt ghosts?" He asked, stumped and curious. The part about ghosts didn't surprise him much. It felt as normal as the fact birds were chirping outside.

Jack's expression fell and he exchanged a look with Maddie. "Well son." He started cautiously. "We're ghost scientists. We have been studying them for years. We sometimes catch one to learn more about them from up close."

"Like they're animals." Danny frowned and his parents grimaced.

"They're not all sentient, Danny." It was Maddie who said this. "And Amity park has been haunted by ghosts for years. Most of them attacked and destroyed."

"Well maybe most of them just stayed home minding their own business and the ones that did mean bad came here so we don't see the other side of their world."

To his surprise Maddie smiled softly. "Yes. You may be right."

They didn't tell him much about the things in the basement. In fact it was the shortest they had been in a room and they practically shoved him back up the stairs.

They stayed in the living and talked a bit and Maddie went to the kitchen to cook some dinner because it was already pretty late in the afternoon. Danny had a foreboding feeling. Probably because how Jazz paled and sent him a few scared looks.

Danny stood up and followed his mother to see her fumbling around the fridge, trying to find something that didn't try to bite her hand off. "Hey?" Danny started, unsure if this would be seen as impolite. "Do you want me to help you cook dinner?"

The woman brightened considerably as she slammed the fridge shut and smiled at him. "Are you sure? I mean. Yes, I would love it if you did this with me."

Danny nodded and rolled his sleeves up before washing his hands. Maddie's eyes widened when she realized she'd forgotten to do that.

"So what are we making?"

Maddie scrunched her face. "I'm not sure yet, Danny. There isn't much left that is edible."

"Where do you keep all the food?" Her boy's eyes searched the small kitchen and she remembered he had forgotten all of that.

She pointed out the fridge and a few cabinets and he looked through them, bringing out many types of ingredients and selecting a few out. He asked for the pots and the pans and she pointed it out. He asked for herbs and she showed him. He asked her anything and she gave him the answer, watching in amusement as he fell right into his element.

Maddie settled back a bit as she saw him swiftly cut some carrots and dump them in the pot. She smiled. It had been a long time ago that Danny had taken the job of a cook in this house. Given that no one had any insight in it or kept mixing the sauce with the wrong chemical (what do you mean chemicals aren't supposed to go in food?). The raven had looked up recipes or he would cook ready-made food.

He'd started simple and after a while started mixing in his own stuff and experimenting. He had loved it. Maddie had let him drop a few chores so he would have time to prepare and make dinner. He would write a list of groceries and tape it on the fridge and Jack would go buy it.

In fact, Maddie could see the last note he had written still on the top left of the refrigerator. Her eyes watered a bit.

"Are you ok?"

She wiped her eyes and nodded. "Just that onion you were cutting just now. It's fine. Go ahead. You're doing a great job." She smiled. "Anything else you need?"

He shook his head as he flipped some pieces of meat on the sizzling pan. "Well, not for now. There are no more potatoes. And when was the last time you refilled the salt? And I had to use something else instead of the paprika because that's all done too. And you got way too much beef. How are you going to eat it all before it expires."

Maddie's smile turned nostalgic as she saw all he listed right now written on the little sticky note on the fridge. "We usually don't," she told him, earning herself a look of disgust.

Finally, the dinner was ready and they all say down to eat. Each family member congratulating the boy on the excellent food and what would they do without him. They didn't mention how they'd barely survived the two weeks he'd been absent.

Jazz was just in college, but Jack and Maddie had to constantly order pizza or eat in a restaurant every night. Even something as making some toast was always a hassle. Not only because the toaster sometimes malfunctioned and threw up the bread so hard it stuck on the ceiling, but Maddie was also very sure bread shouldn't be green.

Now they had Danny back. Everything had changed. Just....everything.

But he was back.

They talked a bit more. Danny asked about the many drawings they'd had to carry back home along with the rest of the presents. Who was that man on the drawings that looked to be made by kids ranging from three to fifteen?

Jack looked excited to tell him something, but Jazz had shushed them. She smiled at Danny reassuringly. "How about we talk about that tomorrow. You have enough to think on right now." She stacked the empty plates and brought them to the sink. "You heard the doctor. Get some rest. I'll do the dishes. Don't worry about school yet. You have a few weeks to recuperate and get used to life."

Danny looked at each of the people in the room, taking in their appearance and demeanor. If this was his family, no matter how crazy, he loved it. He smiled and turned around, bidding them a good night.

He walked up the stairs and paused, trying to remember where his room was.

He had a small moment of panic when he couldn't recall right away. What if he forgot more things? What if he forgot whatever he did today? What if the doctor was wrong and my amnesia isn't just of whatever happened before the concussion and I'll keep forget- oh wait his door was the one in the left hall.

He sighed in relief when his assumption was proved correct as the door opened. He closed it behind him and took a good look around.

The walls were white, but they had been covered in many posters about some kind of egg band or about a Doom. He wasn't sure. There were also some NASA posters and the wall next to his desk had a big board covered in pictures. There was a blackhaired boy with Sam and Tucker. A lot of those actually. And some about random places Danny had no clue about.

But his eyes wandered to that boy again. Was that...him?

He hadn't looked in the mirror yet. It was strange. Not knowing what you looked like.

Was that really him?

He found a mirror next to the dresser and the closet. It was large. It could fit his whole upper body and a bit of his legs.

He paused before taking a peek. A pit in his stomach and a bit of adrenaline made him jump forward and stare at the boy in the mirror.

He looked a bit older than in those pictures. But he still has black hair, blue eyes, a small nose and smallish eyes and thin lips and fat cheeks and freckles. Although he felt better knowing he had a bit of a jawline and the baby fat was less than in the pictures. His hair was also longer. And it was messy. Probably hadn't been brushed in weeks. Even if they had washed it, as they said, it still looked greasy and dirty.

He didn't feel like doing much of his appearance right now.

He wanted to explore.

He put to the side the pile of presents his father had dumped in his room after having brought it from the hospital and went rummaging through his room.

He opened every drawer, looked at every piece of clothing and squinted under every piece of furniture and he learned a bit about his past self.

He didn't have much variety in clothing. It was mostly T-shirts, jeans and sweaters. There was one neat suit shoved in the back, though.

He had some kind of obsession with stars.

Same thing goes for ghosts. There was even a map in his dresser. Along with a long list of names and some kind of description behind them.

He looked in the bathroom, which he had found he had right in his room. He found a first aid kit shoved under the sink, which he found odd. The rest was just normal supplies for in the shower.

But for the rest, his old life was still a mystery to him. Danny wondered if he would ever gain it back. Had he always been this famous? Wasn't it exhausting? And why had everyone been thanking him?

He suddenly wondered where his phone was. He should have one right? He'll ask his mother tomorrow.

But he really wanted to look up amnesia on the internet.

His eyes fell on a beat up laptop and he tried to turn it on, but it had a password. The hint wasn't even helpful. It just said 'bitch' and Danny honestly felt attacked and offended.

He plopped down on the bed with a deep sigh.

Everyone told him to get rest, but that was the last thing he wanted to do. He felt so energetic and restless. He didn't think that should be normal. He was pretty sure patients just coming out of comatose shouldn't feel rested.

Sigh, just one more thing he wanted to look up on the internet.

He also wanted to know how he went into a coma.

The doctor had vaguely mentioned a concussion or another kind of head injury. Must have been bad. He'd also made it pretty clear Danny was up long before anyone had thought he would be.

Maybe if I had slept for a bit longer, Danny thought, I would have been able to keep my memories.

He groaned quietly. Nothing made sense. Life was a weird jumble of gibberish and with every piece of information he made out it just became even weirder.

He lifted his arm to look at one picture he found he liked. A white haired anime man was standing with hands on his hips and a cape fluttering behind him. Sparkles had been thrown around as well as glitter that had been glued on.

There wasn't a note or anything, just a boy's name. Joey. Along with a small drawing of a dinosaur that Danny didn't think had anything to do with the rest.

That same anime boy turned up everywhere. On the balloons. On the plushies. On the shirt he'd gotten. On the posters the poeple seeing him off from the hospital were holding.

Who was that dude??

And what did Danny have to do with him??

Danny stood up and walked towards the mirror again. He cocked one hip as he put his hands on them and frowned at the image.

"Who are you?" He asked the boy with exasperation. "And just how crazy is your life?"

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[write-this-way-please]

Forgive Or Forget V

Forgive or Forget V [Endings always lead to new beginings│Simon D&Christian Yu]

◇ Forgive or Forget I  ◇ Forgive or Forget II  ◇ Forgive or Forget III   ◇ Forgive or Forget IV

With Christian’s help you were able to grab everything from the house in just a few hours. You hadn’t even realized how many things you had until you were trying to pack. If it was solely up to you, you wanted to leave every single thing that Kiseok touched but Christian convinced you otherwise.

His car was loaded up with boxes of your things that you were going to place in storage until you could get a place of your own. After one final walk-through of the house you found yourself going through one of Kiseok’s drawers. One that had always piqued your interest, but you always stopped yourself from going through just so you didn’t ruin the surprise. You knew it was where he hid your gifts.

“I got the last of it in the car.” Christian stood by the doorway, watching you hold a small jewelry box.

You remained silent tracing the charms before scoffing. “It really was so obvious wasn’t it…?”

“What’s going on?” he walked closer to you, getting a better look at the box. In your hand, he saw a bunch of necklaces, all of the charms identical to the one around your neck.

“He really gave these necklaces to everyone… All this time I thought I was special...he played me…”

Christian rubbed your back softly. There were no words. Nothing he could say could comfort you, after years of betrayal it wasn’t his place to try and comfort you. He just needed to be there for you. “C’mere…” he pulled you into a warm hug.

You’d done well to slowly move on. You were completely moved out of Kiseok’s, blocked his number, and there was just one thing left to do. A Little something for yourself. The last bit of closure that you needed.

You made your way into the cafe closest to AOMG. One that you knew Kiseok’s secretary frequented for their coffee runs.

“Unnie...What are you doing here…?” Eunha stood at attention, dropping her pen before scrambling to give you a cordial smile. As if she hadn’t been lying to you for who knows how long.

“You were like a sister to me. We celebrated your birthday together, Christmas, I had you in my house...All this time I thought you were my friend...But you just wanted-”

“I-It’s not like that I-” tears began to rim her eyes. “I never wanted-” She didn’t know how you knew but there was just something about how you looked at her that broke her.

“I just can’t believe it was you… Kiseok is-was my boyfriend. We’ve been together for years. We’re supposed to get married but you-”

“I never wanted to hurt you…”

“You have an affair with my boyfriend but you didn’t want to hurt me?!” you hadn’t meant to be so loud, it wasn’t your intention to embarrass her further, but you couldn’t help it. It pissed you off that she dare be sorry when it was something of this magnitude. The other people in the cafe were in a hushed silence, all eyes on her as you glared at her. And as much as you were angry you didn’t think she deserved to be on the spot like that.

“I’m sorry.”

“I really just want to know...Why...I would never do something like that. I can��t even fathom why someone would cheat, but even worse why someone would allow themselves to be some side chick. Don’t you have any respect for yourself?”

“No...I guess I don’t…” she fell to the ground, all of her emotions rushing at her. “I...I don’t know why I did it...I just...I’m sorry! You think I feel good about this! You think I can stand looking at him or you knowing what I’ve done! You think I don’t have a heart!”

“But that’s not enough to stop you. You knew he had a girlfriend but-”

“He came onto me! He told me he loved me...He-” She stopped. “I knew it was wrong to have feelings for him...But he was my boss...he was nice to me. He…”

“But you let him…”

“I wanted him too...there I said it...I fell for him too. At first it was ok...I thought maybe you two would just break up...then we could be together...but he doesn’t want that. He only wants you.” She choked back a sob. “He only ever really wanted you...Do you know what it’s like being in bed with a man that’s planning your wedding to him…”

“If you knew that, then why play along. Why torture yourself…?”

“Because...I didn’t want to let him go either...I wanted him to love me...but...I’m not the only one… Because if I stop he’s already replaced me…”

“...How many…” you gripped your fist.

“I don’t know...too many…”

“But you let him use you like that”

“Let him…? You make it sound like I wanted him to hurt me… You’re in no place to lecture me about being used.” She looked up at you. “I know what I did...and I’m not proud of it. I was- I am stupid for letting him sweet talk me, for letting him have that much control over me...But what about you. You can’t play innocent...You had to of known… You didn’t have this gut feeling that something wasn’t right…”

She was right. In the back of your mind, you probably did know. But anytime you doubted him he was especially doating on you, clingy, kind, warm and loving. The him you loved in the beginning. But that’s how he kept you strung along. “You’re right…”

“What…?”

“Ya know...I did think there was another woman. I never thought it was you...But I did know...somehow...because I played out the moment I’d confront that other woman. How I’d curse her out for being a homewrecker. Pull her hair, smack her face...I just...I hated her...You… I somehow blame you for everything wrong in my relationship.”

“I wouldn’t blame you-” she flinched, shutting her eyes seeing your hand move but you only kneeled down in front of her, offering her your hand.

“Get up…” You gentle held her hand pulling her off the ground. “I knew I’d hate you...But I didn’t think I’d pity you so much….Even you deserve better than him… You shouldn’t let him make you feel like he owns you.”

“What are you going to do now…?”

“The same thing you should do… Leave him. Do better for yourself.” You looked at her necklace, a sad smile graced your face seeing the identical charm piece to your bracelet. “We deserve better than him.” As you made your way out she called your name.

“Unnie..I...I’m sorry...I’m really sorry...And I know you must hate me but…”

“I don’t hate you… I don’t really forgive you” you smiled. “But I don’t hate you.” and that was all you could say before you left.

Another day another cocktail party that you were awkwardly invited to. It was for a launch for something, and you had so much on your mind you honestly didn’t even bother to read the invitation. There were tons of familiar faces, You were just thankful that AOMG was nowhere to be found. You and Kiseok didn’t exactly go public about the break up it was more so you just left him.

Sitting at the bar you downed another glass of champagne; wishing it was something stronger. As much as you tried to fight it, your mind had this way to wandering back to Kiseok. It’d been over a week since you moved out. You stopped taking his calls, and put him on the no entry list for your office. And all your efforts had worked. You’d properly cut him out of your life.

Some relationships were worth salvaging. This just wasn’t one of them. 

But you knew if you let him talk to you he’d have some excuse for cheating. And like the many times before he’d manipulate you into staying with him. And you needed to close that chapter in your life.

And other than that there was this weird relationship you and Christian were in. And the last thing you wanted was for him to be some sort of rebound. You didn’t want him to feel like you were rushing into things with him because you weren’t used to be alone.

You couldn’t do that to him. You knew his feelings for you and he deserved a fair chance.

The whole situation was driving you crazy. You tossed the glass of champagne back before grabbing another.

“Easy there...Night just started, it can’t be that rough” a low voice chuckled from behind you. Christian came up beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

You smiled softly at the familiarity of it all.

Just a few weeks prior and that was how you met Christian. At the time he was just that handsome stranger from the event. Now he was your only real friend, a lifeline. Other than Swings you really didn’t have anyone in your life that wasn’t directly related to Kiseok.

“Hey stop that” Christian frowned, pressing his index finger against the furrow of your brow. “You're thinking too hard”

“Thinking isn’t a bad thing.”

“It is when you’re frowning. That means you’re dwelling.” he grabbed your hand and tugged you toward him. “C’mere.”

“Where are we going?”

“You need a distraction. Dance with me.”

“Christian please no-” you laughed, stumbling over your heels as he pulled you in the middle of the dance floor.

“Trust me” he pulled you close by the small of your back.

“I do but this is embarrassing. People are staring.”

“You’re gorgeous why wouldn’t they stare?” he swayed you to the music, smiling as you shyly looked anywhere but at him. He smiled seeing you get more comfortable, eventually just giving in and dancing with him. He leaned down, pressing his forehead against yours. “There’s something I wanted to tell you…”

“Christian…” you looked up at him, and suddenly had this wave of anxiety. The very thought that he was going to tell you something that you weren’t prepared to hear from him made you panic.

“Hey calm down” he laughed seeing the anxiety etched on your face. “It’s nothing too major, it’s just...I’m going to be leaving for Peru soon.”

“You’re going to Peru?!”

“I had it planned for a couple of months. But yeah, I just wanted to get away, enjoy the visuals and architecture of another country. I’ve never been and I’m pretty excited. “I’m going for a month.”

“Wow a whole month...That sounds great” your smile faltered. You were genuinely happy that he was going it was just a month was such a long time for him to be gone.

“Actually…”

You pulled away hearing someone call your name “Kiseok…” you turned around and sighed. You’d know that voice anywhere. And it used to bring you comfort and warmth, all it did now was pain you.

“You moved on fast Jagiya…” he nodded to Christian an unsettling smirk on his lips.

“You moved on in the middle of our relationship.” you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I never moved on. You’re my one and only.”

“Alot less convincing when you literally have a draw of identical charms that you give to me and all your mistresses.”

“But you’re my girl. You always have been.”

“What are you doing here…” you sighed.

“You never gave me a chance. You just up and left me.”

“You cheated on me. In case I didn’t make it painfully clear, that’s a clear break-up reason for me.”

He stepped closer, reaching for your hand but Christian pulled you behind him. “Look Man, the lady doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s over.”

He scoffed. “The home wrecker has something to say?”

“Home wrecker? We’re just friends.”

“You think he’s better than me?” he looked past Christian, meeting your eyes.

“Kiseok it’s over...we’re over. I’m done.”

“So just like that? We didn’t even have a discussion. All that talk about our future...marriage? Just gone like that? So what does it matter if we see other people as long we come home to one another? Imagine how happy our families would be. My parents love you. Why would you want to hurt them like that? You know my mother thinks of you like a daughter…”

“Don’t you dare. You know I love your parents...They’ve always been good to me...But I deserve better than this. You can’t say you want to be with me and tell me you want us to mutually cheat. I’m not ok with that. And you will never manipulate me again...I’m done.”

Kiseok took a deep breath and gave you a sad smile. “You know you were the only woman I’ve ever loved. Right?” Watching you remain silent he reached in his pocket. “If we really are over...I needed you to have this…”

“I don’t want it…”

He cleared his throat “For the woman of my dreams.”

“Kiseok don’t-”

He dropped to his knees and pulled out a ring and between the gasping and the chorus of shutters from cameras you were overwhelmed. You hated when attention was on you like this. You could hear the murmurs of the people around you, all anticipating your answer to Kiseok’s proposal.

You froze.

There was no way to save face.

In their eyes you and Kiseok were a long time couple, this was an anticipated moment.

Between the camera flashes and that smug look on his face you just couldn’t think. “Let’s go” Christian laced his fingers with yours and pulled you out of the party.

It was so surreal how easily you just detached from the moment. You were completely on autopilot. You looked to Christian as he drove away, his knuckles were turning white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel.

“I can see the headlines now… Simon Dominic’s longtime girlfriend rejects his proposal and runs off with former idol.” you weren’t even angry anymore. You laughed; in Kiseok’s final moments he really did show his true colors.

“Come to Peru with me.”

“What?”

“I think you deserve a vacation.”

“Christian...I don’t want you to pity me…”

“You think I pity you?” He pulled over on the side of the road, putting the car in park. “After all this time we were together you think I pity you?” he sighed raking his hands through his hair. “I pity the situation. I don’t think you deserve any of this….But I’ve never once pitied you.”

“Christian…don’t you think going on a vacation together is a bit much.”

“I like you. And I want us to spend time together. Get to know one another… And if you’re not interested then we can just go as friends. Or co-workers. I just...I need to know you’re ok.”

You’d never made a spontaneous decision of your life. Everything was always so calculated. Always weighing the pros and cons and never living in the moment. And it was never a life you’d wanted. You loved order. It was even the reason you picked a career so clear-cut. There were no gray areas in numbers. Everything was in black and white. But with Christian it wasn’t. And normally you’d find that unsettling but with him….It was oddly comfortable.

Maybe living in that gray area for a while won’t be so bad.

As you unbuckle your seatbelt to lean closer to him he froze. Watching you with steady eyes, cautious of his moves. Your gaze met his before you cupped his cheeks. You could hear the sharp intake of his breath. You could almost feel that he was too scared to move. “Are you afraid of me…?”

“I’m afraid I’ll scare you away…”

“You won’t…” you whispered against his lips before kissing him. You could feel him tense as if he was shocked that you actually did it but soon he relaxed, returning your affection, and gripping your waist as he deepened it. Every move of his was subtle, calculated, and intentional and nothing felt more welcoming.

Your nose brushed against his as you both pulled away. His long fingers, lingering on your cheeks as he pressed his forehead to yours. “Wow…” he whispered, licking his lips.

“I’ll go….” you smiled.

“What? Really?” He couldn’t hide his bright smile. “You’ll go with me?”

“I like you too Christian...So let’s just see where this goes.” The last thing you were looking for was a relationship. And you’d been with Kiseok for such a life time it feels like you’d forgotten who you were before him. A time of self-discovery felt needed, and if you were to find Christian on the way, you weren’t going to fight that either.  There were definitely feelings, and rather it was out of love, lust, or curiosity that was all to be said. And it was something you were more than willing to learn, especially with Christian by your side.

END

( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ And there we have it~ Finally the end of Forgive or Forget <3 thank you to everyone who has supported this series from start to finish (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ See you Kids later~

[ts1989fanatic]

Taylor Swift's New Album 'Reputation': Everything We Know, Everything We Want

Predictions, wishful thinking based off electropop lead singles, possible hints about feuds, ex-boyfriends, squad members, where Cardi B, Drake fit in

The Old Taylor can't come to the phone? Long live the New Taylor. Reputation is one of this fall's most tightly guarded secrets; Taylor Swift's sixth album is her first in three years, her longest vacation ever. So far, each Swift LP has been a major musical departure. But this time, she isn't letting any secrets slip, declining interviews and, somehow, avoiding paparazzi detection wherever she may be. All we have to go on is a quote from a source close to the project who tells Rolling Stone, "Reputation is lyrically sharper and more emotionally complex than 1989. This music has and will continue to speak for itself."

From teenage country tracks to synth-pop anthems and little-known covers, a comprehensive assessment and celebration of Swift's one-of-a-kind songbook

So what do we know about Reputation? We know it has 15 songs; "…Ready For It?" will be the first track and "Look What You Made Me Do" will be the sixth. We know it drops on November 10th, which happens to be Richard Burton's birthday. (What if that makes Reputation the Burton to Taylor's Taylor? What if she is about to marry herself and embrace her muse as her soulmate?) It's one day before the nine-year anniversary of Fearless, which came out in 2008 on November 11th, whereas she usually prefers to pounce in late October, as she did with Speak Now, Red and 1989. So here's a rundown of all the clues to the burning mysteries around Reputation – what we know for sure, what we wonder, what we want, what we hope.

The sound. The first two singles are moody electro-pop: the Hot Topic quasi-goth blare of "Look What You Made Me Do" (produced by Jack Antonoff) and the hip-hop island breeze of "…Ready for It?" (produced by Max Martin, Shellback and Ali Payami). "Look What You Made Me Do" is Sal-Tay in supervillain mode; "…Ready for It?" is sultrier and far superior. Neither sounds like any of her previous work. But drastic swerves are what Swift does. All five of her previous LPs have developed a sound she could have milked for years – but she's never made the same record twice, even when that's what everybody wanted, from her record company to her fans.

Last time the world was hoping for Red II: Fifty Shades Redder, Red III: Revenge of the Scarf or Red IV: Maple Latte Massacre, but instead she made 1989, an album as far from Red as Speak Now was from Fearless. Nobody sane would have advised her, "You know what you should do next? Make an album that sounds nothing like Red, but exactly like Erasure or the Pet Shop Boys." Yet Swift followed her own muse and turned out to be right – when it comes to high-risk moves that pay off, she's gone five for five. So whatever she tries on Reputation, it won't be what she did last time.

The romance. The line that jumps out from "…Ready For It?" is "He could be my jailer / Burton to this Taylor." Not her usual kind of love story. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor got married and divorced twice, which by 1970s standards made them the ultimate glamour couple – even Sonny and Cher only got to break up once. Their boozy jet-set affair lasted a total of (hmmm) 13 years, despite the fact that they basically loathed each other. Burton was fond of referring to Liz as "MGM's Little Miss Mammary," while she called him "the Frank Sinatra of Shakespeare." By the time Liz was Swift's age, she was on Husband Four; Burton was Five (and Six). So Liz and Dick weren't exactly Romeo and Juliet – their Shakespearean duet was a 1967 film adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew. Fans have speculated the song is her ode to her beau of the past year, British actor Joe Alwyn – currently filming Mary Queen of Scots, where he plays the lover of Queen Elizabeth. Burton once got an Oscar nomination playing her father, King Henry VIII.

The playlist. Her Spotify playlist "Songs Taylor Loves" is loaded with sad weepy ballads – the side of her music missing from the two new singles. It's also full of younger artists – from pals like Selena Gomez and Ed Sheeran to country upstarts like Maren Morris and Brett Young to indie brooders like the National and Bon Iver. But none of the legendary names Swift usually loves to invoke – the girl named after James Taylor isn't bumping "Fire and Rain" these days. Is the playlist representative of her new music? Or is she digging these tearful ballads because she's no longer writing them?

The cover. She's wearing black lipstick, clearly a sign that Old Taylor is dead, given her affection for the red-lip classic thing. She gazes blearily through newspaper headlines spelling her name – math experts have counted her name on the cover 899 times. The cover's weirdest detail: the Richard Hell-like torn sweatshirt, stitched up to create five triangular peaks, one for each previous album

The magazines. The exclusive Target edition comes with two different 72-page magazines full of Swift's poetry, watercolor paintings, handwritten lyrics and fashion photography. (Oh, pop stars – always secretly fantasizing about being editors of print magazines.) Judging from the cover of Reputation magazine, the typographical sensibility evokes the famously experimental (and often illegible) 1990s music mag Ray Gun.

The snakes. She's teased the album with serpentine imagery – want to buy a $60 Gold Snake Ring? Either she's a budding herpetologist or she's reviving her Kimye feud. You remember – from last summer, before Kanye's 5150 or his rock-bottom moment ass-kissing the new President. But it's safe to surmise the feud factor will be the least intriguing aspect of Reputation, since her celebrity conflicts have been fruitless musically for all the artists involved. "Look What You Made Me Do" is much stronger than Katy Perry's "Swish Swish" or Kanye's "Famous," but that's hardly an achievement given how those remarkably wretched gaffes sandbagged the albums they were intended to launch. All evidence indicates that we're in a post-beef era where nobody cares about pop-star feuds, since we've got more pressing problems. Swift sending Cardi B flowers to congratulate her on "Bodak Yellow" hitting Number One – even though it replaced "Look What You Made Me Do" – is much more in step with the 2017 zeitgeist than snake emojis, which are so last year. And you have to love how Cardi B made sure to document the flowers on Instagram, to thwart any would-be Cardor truthers.

The Drake factor. Be on guard for Drizzy content. Last year, while the rumor mill was full of reports of them hanging out and possibly working together, the two did linked Apple Music ads, one with Taylor lip-synching the Drake/Future collabo "Jumpman" and the other with Drake doing "Bad Blood." Since Aubrey Graham is the only pop star on earth who can approach Tay's feelings-per-minute ratio, the mind reels at how they might sound together – let's just say they could go from zero to 100 real quick.

The shirt. The "Look What You Made Me Do" video ends with an attention-grabbing shot of Swift in a "Junior Jewels" t-shirt decorated with her friends' names. Squadologists plotzed at the roll call, from Patrick Stewart (he's on it twice? Make it so!) to Abigail (the "Fifteen" bestie whose wedding had Swift as a bridesmaid last month). Who's lurking on the back of the shirt? And who's a blank space? The most high-profile absence was Karlie Kloss, currently seen in a new Cole Haan ad campaign with well-that-escalated-quickly pal Christy Turlington. (In Elle a few weeks ago, K.K. gushed, "I am surrounded by extraordinary women – from my mom and sisters to role models like Christy Turlington, Melinda Gates, and Sheryl Sandberg, and many more.") Will Reputation offer a state-of-the-squad update?

The exes. Just because Swift seems to be in a functional relationship, is that any reason she should keep a dignified silence about her Long List of Ex-Lovers? Dignified silence is not this lady's style. Between Tom Hiddleston and Calvin Harris, she has some real content opportunities. In the new video, Zombie Tay digs a grave marked "Nils Sjoberg," her ghostwriting pen name; there's also an empty engagement-ring box. Perhaps she's mocking Harris for both his career and love life, given that Nils Sjoberg is an anagram for "Jobless Ring"? Or maybe she's accusing him of swiping her work, since it's also an anagram for "Robs Jingles"? Or maybe – just maybe – anagrams are meaningless and dumb coincidences?

The tour. One thing Swift has made clear over the years – she's not into looking back. In the spirit of Madonna or Bowie, when she tours, she focuses on the new songs, not the hits of yesteryear. It was a shocker when she left "All Too Well" off most stops of the 1989 tour, just as she left "Enchanted" and "Long Live" off the Red tour. But given the choice between reprising the oldies or showing off her new songs, she'll go new every time. And that goes for her albums as well – she's never been an artist who repeats herself. Don't expect her to start now. "Honey, I rise up from the dead, I do it all the time"? Bring on the New Tay-stament.

[kerfufflies]

one o those get 2 kno me thangs

(im tired but lets do this!)

tagged by the lovely @ella-animine!

rule #1: tag people you want to get to know better

@ everyone and anyone because i want 2 know u

rule #2: highlight true statements in bold

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses (ah yes the bane of my existence)

I have at least one tattoo 

I have at least one piercing (ears, no choice in the matter  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I have blonde hair 

I have or have had braces (im suffering)

I love meeting new people (meh,, i dont even know how to start a conversation,,)

People tell me I’m funny

Helping people with their problems is a big priority to me (yall are important to me aight??? friendship package with me automatically includes me busting thru ur doors at 3 am to deal w ur problems)

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges (”dont tEST me”; also gives up 10 mins later)

I’m playfully rude to people I know well (sure? i think ? idk im tire)

I started to say something ironically now I can’t stop saying it (bless you??)

There is something I would change about my personality

I can play an instrument (uahdkfh give me a violin an d be ready to hear the worst tunes of ur life)

I can sing well (bich the  karaoke machine says yes but i say n o0 especially after i get better from a cough or whatever because my voice box just never recovers)

I can do 30 push ups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well (personally i think NOT but people say otherwise and im like??? thanks im flattered but really i dOnT kNoW hOW TO D r A W)

I have a good memory (hm. lets see,, anemone an enemy anemone an enemy anemone anne nemo and another me - hm maybe but my mind is clouded 24/7/365 so not really what did i have for breakfast again)

I am good at doing math in my head (nope -glances at “medals” [they are paper circles w strings] won for mental math practices in first grade- still nope gotta count on those fingereresrses)

I can hold my breath underwater for a minute (hey yea i used to b a swimmer but idk if i can do it now ;-;)

I have beaten at least two people in an arm wrestle (but im WEAK)

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (i will not touch that frying pan until my mom teaches me the ways of the cook)

I can throw a punch (badly, but i can try)

I enjoy sports (give me that good runners stitch and we’ll see about it)

I have learned a new song in the past week (??? uhhhh sure?? learned the lyrics to [whats it called hold on] say you won’t let go by james arthur bc its good aight)

I’ve gone running at least one week in the summer (running who is she idk her)

I work out at least once a week (me, getting on the floor, doing one push-up and failing: alright thats enough im good i did exercise back to tumblr)

I have drawn something in the past month (IVE BEEN TRYING TO DRAW THIS ONE THING THATS BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS BUT THE LIGHTING AND THE POSE AND THE SHADING AND BACKGROUND IS SO ABOVE MY LEVEL I WANT D E A T H)

I enjoy writing (yea bu t i cant do writing well, maybe ill try later not rn)

I have done martial arts (no but i know people who have does tht count)

I have had my first kiss (rip)

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (HA dedication)

I have had alcohol (complimentary just-a-sip teens get from their parents :/)

I have scored a winning goal in sports (uhhhhh ONCE dont ask how idk how it happened either)

I have been to an overnight event (!!! hell yah gotta love overnight field trips)

I have been in a taxi (listen ive lived in ny for 3 years i probably did but dont remember it)

I have been in a hospital/ER in the last year (not much other than the Knee Incident [growth spurt my ass] and that wasn’t even an ER it was just a physicians place) (+ moms a nurse so being in a hospital just for visiting purposes)

I have beaten a video game in one day (again, dedication,,)

I have visited another country (ayy Philippines)

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

I have at least one person I consider a best friend

I live close to my school (used to, not really anymore)

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling (wish her a happy birthday, 12/22)

I live in the US

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with friends in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s (they’re not /mine/ but it is likely there are cds lying around here somewhere)

I share my room with someone

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know (atm, feelings are weird and im not feelin much rn [theres potential in there somewhere but for now ehhh])

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them 

I get crushes easily (used to till the Six Year Incident happened, now im kinda dead inside)

I have had a crush for over a year (Six Year Incident)

I have been in a relationship for over a year

I have feelings for a friend

I have break danced 

I know a person called Jamie

I have made a new friend in the past year (yea!! yall are great <3)

I have had a teacher with a last name hard to pronounce (hahahahaha dont test me)

I have dyed my hair

I am listening to a song on repeat right now (wow not on repeat but how’d ya know?? im listening to my playlist rn)

I have punched someone in the past week

I have known someone who has gone to jail (udhfaksdkfh yea??)

I have broken a bone (no snap crackle pop here)

I have eaten a waffle today (i wiSH)

I know what to do with my life (I REALLY DONT)

I speak at least two languages (yo no hablo espanol??)

[antibodykrp-blog]

   — your name was more powerful than any empire, but it could not stop your fall.

war has little to do with how people go about their lives. this is about thirty-two year old lee jinho, better known as the north side's family head.

canon: the father part of: the golden Triangle and lotus Anma

freeform: There exists a timeless debate between the environmental and biological impact on the human psyche. 

Experiences string together action and reaction, personal ideologies, and familiar values accepted or rejected by its society. Relationships between people surrounding a child grossly impact the shape of their young mind as they age. Biologically, there are predetermining conditions; restless habits, personality traits, inherited disease, intelligence, natural skill. What becomes of those factors, which are cultivated, and which are left idle– it entirely depends on the individual.

“INTELLIGENT BUT ARROGANT…”

A television buzzes in the background and a chess board sits between two children. The carpet under his bare knees scratches against his skin and the AC hums on its highest setting to combat one of south korea’s hottest summers to date. Subtitles slide across the bottom of the screen, and Jinho is distracted by the appearance of his father’s name.

[President criticized for allowing foreign occupation by the Chinese…]

[Rise in crime rate across all provinces…]

[Public disapproval directed at military and police…]

He stops listening after the announcement of a celebrity’s birthday and stares down at his opponent’s move. The other is smiling, grin full of teeth and eyes shining. It’s one of the rare times Jinho had been allowed to bring home a classmate. But the sight of his cornered king piece leaves him unsettled.

“I won.”

Jinho continues staring at the board. 

A clock on the wall ticks, ticks, ticks– then small hands are flipping the chessboard over and unraveling the peace. Ceramic knights and pawns scatter cross hardwood floors and his hand is in their hair, tearing, pulling, shoving their face against the floor.

“You cheated. I wasn’t watching you.”

Jinho lets go immediately, perfectly calm, composed.

Then blinks, finally notices the blood on their neck from his nails. Blinks again as they are carted away by someone from security. There are dry tear streaks down their face. Hesitant fingers play with a chess piece and a small white pawn sits curled in his fist. 

“Did you lose?.”

His sister had arrived home. She’s wearing her hair up, and leans against the entryway to the library. Jinho stares back at her hard gaze.

“Why don’t you go apologize to your friend?”

He says nothing and looks away first.

 “UNNECESSARILY PARANOID…”

“What do you remember?”

There’s a needle being taken out of his arm. It’s connected to a IV drip hanging beside his bed. He grits his teeth but maintains an unreadable expression in front of his father. Eyes are still spider-webbed with red and purple veins. His lips are chapped, and he wets them. The nurse at his side offers him water, but his father hands him the glass first. It’s sweating and cold against his skin.

If he stares at own room walls long enough, he remembers the rooms his captors shoved him into for over two weeks. The air had always been hazy, light through the window behind him exposing clouds of dust floating around his head. Most of the time they had kept his vision blacked out. He memorized the time it took to drive from place to place blindfolded, the way pebbles cracked underneath his shoes as opposed to flat concrete. Sometimes, the soft touch of grass as they let him piss with a gun to his head.

The routine was always the identical, day after day, hour by hour, second by second. Blindfold, dirty rag in his mouth tasting like metal shoved between teeth, forced inside a van, taken to a new building and tied up inside a foreign room by the end of twenty four hours. It was fairly simple to plan an escape with a methodical mind. He is not stupid and he was trained.

But details of the kidnapping is not what his father wants to know. His father wants to know what he might have revealed about their family.

“Nothing.”

Jinho stares at the ground. His father stands up, and the chair creaks. It’s the only sound aside from the television turning on. Minsik flips through channels, one hand tucked inside their pants pocket and the other on a remote control.

“I think you do remember.”

The grainy image of Jinho on the ground in a warehouse sits broadcasted on the screen. His hands are free from bonds in the image, face bloodied but body alert and prepared. He clutches something in his fist that cannot be singled out by the camera image.

Minsik motions to the object.

“A knife.” Jinho focuses, silent and motionless as his father plays the recorded video tape. They both watch as Jinho holds his own against the first assailant, dressed in black and face blurred out. Jinho has the blade against the soft flesh of a jugular, prepared to cut. His father’s gaze is hard, and they pause the image again. “Here.” He turns back towards his son, bedridden from dehydration and a healing stab wound. “You hesitated to take control of the situation and spared his life.”

Jinho stares blankly ahead. His lips close and open noiselessly.

“You staged my kidnapping.”

The recording continues without his father’s response. Jinho shuts his eyes at the sound of his own scream when the knife is turned on him. A gunshot follows, and the tape ends with his retrieval by The Outfit’s own members.

“I had concerns about your ability,” Minsik explains, but not with the intention to assure his son. “I also instructed them not to harm you in a lethal manner. We reacted accordingly.”

Jinho focuses on the crumpled form of the hired abductor. He thinks the man is lucky, and can only wonder what his father subjected the other to. His hands tighten into fists until nails cut into skin when Minsik’s attentions falls upon him.

“You had every chance to save yourself, and you did nothing.”

“BUT APT AT COMMUNICATION…”

He has no real reason to attend school. The Outfit survives on the legs built by his father and his father before him. Money is never a concern, but the desire for an education and a broader worldview rather than one controlled by a censored media is what Jinho seeks.

The relationship between his political science T.A. and him is simple. Neither of them expect more than what it becomes. A comfortable, easy relationship between two people that have always been defined by labels. She is expected to marry after college to pass along her family’s fortune and help run the country with her fiance-to-be (right-wing policies backed by criminally funded lobbyists). He understands that world. Criticizing her for flirting with him while taken is not an option he considers. It would turn her own accusations on himself.

This works because they use each other.

He is young, impressionable, and carrying an even richer family name with him. She humors his brief, unexplained interest in traditional art, photography, literature, and music. They talk, and pretend. Flipping from one pass time to the next, never settling. Everything is temporary. That’s what she likes, because he is not a permanent man.

They both know what they are meant to do.

“You don’t want to be an artist.”  

“No.”

There’s a knowing smile on his face as he draws a smooth half-circle to create her shoulder. She’s in his bed, clothes discarded. He has not laid a finger on her.

“You don’t want to be a businessman.”

His charcoal breaks in half, black dust smearing when he turns the page. He adjusts his glasses and looks at her.

“You don’t want to be a politician’s wife.”

She watches him, chin propped up on her knee and dark hair spilling out across sheets. Her smile is tight-lipped. 

“What do you want, Jinho?”

His sketchbook is always full of half-done ideas and poorly conceived thoughts.

She leaves him because he never really touches her the way she wants him to. He allows it because she says the relationship feels more like having a brother, and a friendship built beneficial ties between their families already. She was using him the same way he used her as a facade for what people expect him to be. There’s a part of him that’s relieved she left, but now he is without someone to hide the fact he’s never slept with a woman.

His father is too concerned with politics and shift in business ties when he graduates, Jinho on the brink of inheriting The Outfit and its enemies. His early twenties take place during a period when war is talked about instead of parodied in art and television. People are afraid, and people are quiet until a new presidential candidate echoes their own thoughts.

His sister has never waited for him to lose interest in being a leader. She will always be ready for a title he never deserved, and a title she will never receive. 

He wonders when she will finally take it.

“IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT HE IS NOT GREAT…”

They tell you to pull out fingernails and teeth for disloyalty, but they do not tell you what it sounds like. Actions have far worse repercussions in this world, and for every consequence, he pries a fingernail away from flesh until he tastes blood in his mouth from cutting into his own cheek with teeth.

“How old are you?”

Bloodshot eyes stare up at Jinho. His security is with him, and almost stuff a rag back in the ex-con’s mouth after speaking directly to The Outfit’s new leader. Jinho stops them with a sharp glance.

He’s wearing gloves over perfectly clean hands. It feels almost like a sloppy caricature of a gruesome situation. The former Outfit member must be able to sense he does not quite fit the role of an interrogator. The way they look at him with fearless eyes and crushed fingers– it’s not the way a man should look at another man holding the threat of death overhead.

“A kid,” they rasp, struggling to speak. Their voice is hoarse when they focus on Jinho carefully as he’s fitting pliers underneath a dirty thumb nail. “I remember when you were five years old. Your father let me meet you on your birthday. We were close then… friends. Our wives would talk to each other like young girls do.” Jinho hesitates, just for a moment. They breathe through their nose and spit. “You’re still a fucking kid– you have no idea what you’re doing.”

Bloody pliers clatter away to a dark corner. Their scream barely drowns out pitched laughter that follows him like a mocking shadow when he fights the urge to vomit from the sound of tearing skin. Hands are pressed over his mouth, trembling fingers, legs barely kept upright and standing. He leans against a wall for support and retches dry air until acid from his stomach burns his throat.

“You can’t even kill for your family, or yourself. What exactly is yours?”

They laugh, and laugh, choking when fabric wrapped around their bruised throat steals the ability to breathe. Dirty spit runs out of the side of their mouth, gaping holes in gums bloodied and torn. They chuckle at Jinho on the ground, now leader of The Outfit, no longer afraid of dying. He stares at the floor until the only sound is the deafening echo of a gunshot that settles inside his ears and never leaves.

A dead man he had no hand in killing is not how it starts.

A dead man he did not kill is how it begins.

[wayward-marvel-sommer1196]

Tag Game

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Tagged by @kdfrqqg It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these lol. I wasn’t even in the SPN fandom the last time I did one. 

1. Drink? Pepsi

2. Phone call? My dad

3. Text message? My sister

4. Song you listened to? Say You Won’t Let Go by: James Arthur (literally gives me goose bumps every time I listen to it.) 

5. Time you cried? 4th of July (Don’t ask) 

6. Dated someone twice? No, I’ve only ever had one REAL boyfriend and a bunch or near misses

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Never kissed anyone 

8. Been cheated on? Nope

9. Lost someone special? Yes 

10. Been depressed? Yes, like all the time 

11. Favorite colors? Purple, Blue, and recently Red 

In the last year, have you… 15. Made new friends? Yes

16. Fallen out of love? Love-love no, semi-love yes 

17. Laughed until you cried? I dont think I’ve ever laughed til i cried??? Laughed until my stomach hurt sure but not til i cried 

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Unfortunately 

19. Met someone who changed you? Yes, not in a good way 

20. Found out who your friends are? 100% yes I love my girls so much

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list? No one that wasnt in like a family matter 

General 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? a solid 97% only because some are family that ive never met. 

23. Do you have any pets? No Dad hates pets, but do babies count? because they are equally as frustrating and I live with two under the age of 3.

24. Do you want to change your name? yes too many jokes and annoying nicknames

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Got my hair done, had some pudding cake, and went to Iguana Mia for a free lunch with my mom and her boyfriend and then binged Gilmore Girls b/c mom didnt feel well so we went home and did nothing after like 2. 

26. What time did you wake up? 7:30 because of the babies I live with but didnt get out of bed till 8:15

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? On here actually 

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Graduating College but that ties with Getting Married 

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? a few weeks ago?? I know im horrible but her work schedule is all over the place and my life is so unpredictable but i do try and talk to her every other day. 

31. What are you listening to right now? My family messing around 

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? yes

33. Something that is getting on your nerves? my job not giving me shifts and my step nephew with his lack of respect for adults 

34. Most visited website? Tumblr

35. Hair colour? Dark brown with a tint of burgundy because I havent gotten it dyed since december (my bday) and red washes out real fast but leaves subtle traces especially in the sun

36. Long or short hair? As of now on the shoter side, like shoulder length, but if you would have caught me a month ago it would have been hella long got 10 inches cut off 

37. Do you have a crush on someone? As of now NO because my last crush stomped on my heart and crushed then ran it over with a semi so I have sworn off men unless celebrities count????

38. What do you like about yourself? Honestly, right now nothing thats one of my issues. BUT if I had to pick I guess my loyalty??

39. Piercings: just your standard, run of the mill ear piercing 

40. Blood type: 0+

41. Nickname: Don’t have one because I refuse to share what my mom called me throughout my childhood. So i just go my full name Sommer

42. Relationship status: single and hating men 

43. Zodiac: Sagittarius 

44. Pronouns: She/Her

45. Favourite tv show: UGGGHHH too many. SPN, most superhero shows, most crime dramas, Greys Anatomy, and more. I used to be a tv addict and started watching a bunch of shows and although i dont watch them much anymore doesnt mean i dont still love them

46. Tattoos: Yes, on my right foot. Its part two to a quote that me and my sister got together. “....but thankful for the one ive got.” she got “A perfect sister i am not.....” 

47. Right or left handed: Right

48. Surgery: If getting my wisdom teeth taking out (all four of them at once) counts then yes other than that no.

49. Piercing: Already answered 

50. Sport: None, I suck at all sports and hate them all too. I was and am more of a book person than a ball person, but I do enjoy a leisure swim on occasion

51. Vacation: Would love to take one but im broke. My last was a high school trip right before i started my senior year where we traveled through five states making stops in each until we ended in indiana for the convention we needed to go to and then came back.

52. Pair of trainers: don’t know what this means

53. Eating: I wish I was lol My dinner sucked ass. Man, I wish I had a nice juicy steak right now with a baked potato and asparagus yum 

54. Drinking: at the moment nothing but the last thing I drank was at like 2 pm and now its almost 10 (oooppps) and that was a mocha coffee from DD

55. I’m about to: take a shower then outline some god damned stories that are haunting me right now 

56. Waiting for? something good to happen in my life for once 

57. Want? To be prettier, but I am slowly losing weight which is helping that problem. OOOOHHH and my best friends to be with me right now

58. Get married? I would love to at some point. Not anytime soon, but I also have to find someone who can put up with my difficult moody ass for the rest of our lives sooo..... that could be awhile

59. Career? Now none after college hopefully a forensic scientist/CSI since that is what my degree is going to be in

60. Hugs or kisses? Bith

61. Lips or eyes? On an S/O eyes hands down on me i guess my eyes

62. Shorter or taller? On an S/O taller I guess I have a type lol a bit of a height kink. On me shorter im only 5′2

63. Older or younger? Older although if it was only like 2 years younger Ii would be cool with that just not any further 

64. Nice arms or nice stomach? These questions are so superficial and I feel superficial for answering them but I guess in a S/O stomach on me I have neither soo...

65. Hook up or relationship? Relationship, im a sappy sappy romantic at heart a hook up is too impersonal and so crass I want the feelings 

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

67. Kissed a stranger: No

68. Drank hard liquor: Being that I am only 19 I’m legally obligated to say no, but my oldest sister is a horrible influence so I may have had a taste a few times 

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No but I have lost a retainer, twice, in the garbage. Yeah my parents werent to happy with me 

70. Turned someone down: Depends? for a date no. for anything havent we all. sex never been offered.

71. Sex on the first date: Virgin, so no and I’ve only had one real boyfriend that wasnt really a relationship anyway so yeah

72. Broken someone’s heart: I want to say no, but I guess I have not in a relationship way but you can break anyones heart for any nimber of reasons

73. Had your heart broken: Hell the fuck yeah but so many damn people 

74. Been arrested: No, close once but the store guy let me go on a warning

75. Cried when someone died:  Yes, doesnt everyone unless the deseased is like an axe murderer or something

76. Fallen for a friend: Ugh this question. I hate it so much. Yes, that boyfriend I mentioned that was the situation and that didnt end well. And then my sophomre year I was like in LOVE with this kid I had known back in elementary school and he was my best friend and he was out of my league and let me down gently. Then i fell for my frenemy my senior year, but he neber knew and it was just a phase for me I guess it didnt last long 

Do you believe in… 77. yourself?  Wish the answer was yes, maybe come again another day? 

78. Miracles?  sometimes 

79. love at first sight?  I would like to but Ii just can’t

80. Santa claus? I wish, but I am glad to pretend for my niece and nephew 

81. Kiss on the first date? Sure if it went well 

82. Angels? Nope. Sorry 

Other 83. Current best friend’s name: Well, I got three. They are my girls, my squad. Weve all been best friends for going on 4 four years. Sam, Dana, Solange 

84. Eye colour:  Brown, boring I know

85. Favourite movie: Can’t choose just one so like the entire Marvel franchise? Can I do that? Too bad I just did 

Im supposed to tag 20 more people but honestly my hands are cramping its after 10 and I really need a shower so if you want to take a crack at this I totally encourage you too. 

[forsvtmx]

Vernon Mafia AU pt 4

You woke up in a room you didn't recognize, you had an IV hooked to your arm and there was a heart monitor connected to your finger. You sat up and looked around, but the room was empty. You took the heart monitor and IV off and stood up, walking around. The door was locked, so went back to the bed. It wasn't long before someone ran in, most likely because of the flatlining monitor. It was Jisoo. He ran to you, a panicked look in his eyes. You stood and walked to him, "What happened?..." "You fainted. How long have you slept these past few days?" You thought about his question,"I slept for a while in the car on the way here. And before that...a couple hours maybe.." Jisoo sighed and stared at you."You're body needs sleep,(Y/N). You'll faint again if you don't sleep." You nodded and thanked him, telling him to take you back to your room. He complied, telling you that breakfast would be ready soon. When you arrived to your room, you saw it had been cleaned up, the guns and blood gone, your bag in the closet. You couldn't find your phone, so you began to panic. You ran around, throwing everything out of your bag and looking everywhere. That was your only connection to Yoongi, to BTS. You felt tears well in your eyes as you sat amongst the mess you created. "Oppa...I'm sorry.." you pressed your hands onto your eyes and sat with your knees to your chest. "Looking for this?" Your face shot up to see Hansol, holding your cellphone in his bandaged arm. You jumped up and grabbed it tears falling out of your eyes as you stared at the screen. You had no notifications, so you mentally thanked Namjoon for not letting anyone message you last night. "I saw how much that meant to you, so I made sure they didn't take it..." you looked up at him,"But..they took your gun." You felt your heart skip a beat, and you looked down, “I…” “(Y/N). Why did you have a gun if you didn't know how to shoot one?” He said, laughing a little. You felt relief wash over your body and you stared at the ground. “Well...I figured if I had a gun, no one would question if I could shoot it..” Hansol walked over to you and ruffled your hair, and you stared at his bandages. “Hansol...I'm so sorry I shot you.. I didn't think I could aim correctly enough to hit that guy..” You suddenly thought back to what happened, and what Jooheon said. “Hansol. I have questions to ask you, but they can wait. I'm going to shower, I'll see you at breakfast.” He nodded and left, and you took a shower, texting Namjoon that you were okay. ‘I think I might have a bug. My stomach hurts’ ‘A bug? Are you sure? Be careful, talk soon.’ You smiled in relief as he got the message, that you were paranoid they were monitoring your phone. You got dressed and headed downstairs. The house seemed empty, they were most likely freaking out over Jooheon. When you arrived at the kitchen, Jisoo and Hansol were already eating away at a stack of pancakes. You sat down silently and grabbed some for yourself, “So is it true? That you killed someone, I mean?...” you asked, stuffing a piece of pancake in your mouth. Both boys stopped eating and stared at each other. “I won't run if you tell me the truth.” Hansol opened his mouth to speak, but Jisoo shook his head. “Fine then. Don't tell me. I get it, I'm just an outsider among your family.” You stood as your phone rang, and you picked it up immediately, “Oppa,” you choked back tears as you headed for the stairs, “Can I-can I come home now? Please...” you spoke softly into the phone, awaiting his response. Yoongi didn't answer, and you sighed, “I get it..” ‘(Y/N). I'll see you soon.” Yoongi hung up first and sat down silently. This job was too much. Having to hide what you knew, to pretend to be something you're not, being paranoid of being watched, it was all too much. It gave you a headache. There was a knocking in your head, or maybe it was on the door? You couldn't tell, so you let it happen. “Hey. Open the door.” Jihoon? You stood and opened the door, coming face-to-face with Jihoon made you realize he was the one knocking. “What do you want?” “Answers. Hansol told me not to ask but I need to know.” “Ask away I guess.” You let him in and took a seat on the bed, Jihoon stood in front of you, and he began. “Who are you actually? Why are you here?” “My name is (Y/N), I'm here because my neighbor was killed in a gunfight and I was too scared to be alone.” “Why did you have a gun?” “Because people don't usually mess with you if you do.” “Do you know how to shoot it?” “Not at all. I've never had to.” “Tell me about your family.” “Jesus what is this a therapy session? My parents were killed when I was young, and I have a brother.” “What does your brother do?” “Well he runs an underground rap circle thing, but I don't know much about it. He gets into fights sometimes I guess. For other people. They pay well for him and his friends to scare off people.” “Why do you want to know about us so much?” “Why do you want to know about me so much? Because I'm scared. I got a gun pointed at my head last night, I got told the guy I like killed someone, and then I shot him. I don't know what's happening here and I want to know.” “Last night, why didn't you accept my help?” “I wasn't hurt. Hansol was. He was bleeding and I was scared he'd die? I don't know man take your pick.” Jihoon sighed as he turned to walk away, you sighed as well, “Hey, Jihoon. Why do you dislike me so much?” “I don't. I just know to be wary of newcomers.” “Can you do me a favor? Can you take me somewhere?” Jihoon turned to face you, and you smiled at him, “Please? I want to go buy some cake.” He raised an eyebrow at you, “Cake? What? Is it your birthday or something?” You nodded and looked down, “Yep. I figured if I can't celebrate with my family, I might as well celebrate on my own.” Jihoon sighed, “Alright whatever.” You smiled and jumped up, giving him a quick hug before pulling away. “Thank you Jihoon.” He rolled his eyes and mumbled something before walking down stairs. You followed him down, almost bumping into him as he stopped. In front of him, Seungcheol and Jeonghan stood, holding a gun in their hands. You sighed as you pushed past Jihoon, “This is why I want to know about you so bad. Like I get it, I'm not part of your family or anything, but if you saw things like this, or guns hidden under beds, you'd be curious too.” Seungcheol and Jeonghan had tried to hide the guns, but it was obviously too late. “It's fine. I won't ask anymore. Jihoon, can we go?” He nodded and you both went to his car, sitting in silence until you arrived at the bakery, and he told you to go get your cake. You nodded and walked in, ordering the cake and sitting down. Jihoon sat across from you, and pulled out his phone, typing away at something. You sighed as you watched him, not having anyone to message on your phone. Suddenly you saw something appear on his chest, a red piece of glitter maybe? Oh, it moved. Oh no. “Jihoon, get down!” You lunged forward and pushed him out of his seat, and he fell backwards just as the shot burst through the window, glass shattering everywhere. You looked to where it originated from, and saw someone on top of an adjacent building. “We should go.” You said, helping Jihoon to his feet. You both ran out of the door and into his car, speeding away and towards the house. As the gate came into view, you suddenly burst out laughing, Jihoon staring at you. “I didn't-I didn't even get the cake! You almost died and I didn't get it!” You continued to laugh and you saw a little smile appear on his face, “Oh my gosh! You smiled! That's the first time I see you smile! I made you smile!” He rolled his eyes as he parked the car, and you both got out. He mumbled a thank you and you nodded, “That's what friends are for.” He watched as you went upstairs and disappeared before going to the basement. Jihoon saw Seungcheol and the group there where he expected him to be. “I think we should tell her.” “Are you kidding me? You literally just told me she was suspicious.” Seungcheol said. “I've been telling you this all along! She's. Trustworthy.” Hansol added. “I almost died trying to get her some birthday cake. She saved me from getting shot. She saved two of us already.” Jihoon spoke. “I think we can trust her. I mean, we don't have to let her in, but we should tell her who she is dealing with.” Jisoo chimed in. “Wait it's her birthday?” Seungkwan spoke, pulling Seokmin and Soonyoung up. “That's not what matters.” Seungcheol said, Hansol ignoring him and going for the stairs. “Hansol. Where are you going?” “To to say happy birthday to my girlfriend?” On the other side of the basement door, you blinked rapidly. He called you his girlfriend. You’ve known him for how long? Jeez this was gonna hurt him. You heard his footsteps growing louder and you quickly ran to the back door where your bag sat. You opened the door just a Hansol opened the basement door. “(Y/N), where...what are you doing?...” he said rushing to you. “Hansol..I’m going home..I don't belong here, I-I think it's best if I just go back..” he grabbed your bag and ran upstairs, and you followed after him. “Hansol..Hansol! You have to let me go!” “Please stay a little longer.. just wait here.” You sighed as you watched him run downstairs. You waited until he came back, holding a hostess cupcake with a candle in it. “You should at least celebrate your birthday before going.” “This is some cake.” “Hey leave me alone it was last minute.” You smiled and blew out the candle, closing your eyes before making a wish. Please. Please, let me not fall for this boy. “Come on, let's go find something to celebrate with.” He grabbed your hand and placed the cupcake in it, and grabbed the other one with his own. He took you to the roof, and he pulled out his phone, pulling up a playlist. “Let's have a karaoke night!” You laughed and motioned for him to start. He set the phone down and began to screech into an invisible microphone in his hand, all the while dancing around. You sighed contently as you watched him goof off. Wishes really don't come true, because boy, did you fall.

[leekycauldron-blog1]

Let’s Pretend

feel free to send requests HERE

Summary:  Pansy spent the entirety of her teenage years pining after her best friend. Draco might have known about this and he might not have but Pansy didn’t care either way. She was blinded by her love for him and he might have taken advantage but again, Pansy didn’t really care. He was her best friend after all.

(a/n: i’m posting this to celebrate 1 THOUSAND followers! holy shit i couldn’t be happier. I want to thank everyone deeply, it makes me sooo happy nd i really really hope people enjoy this because it’s taken me two weeks to write it to the best standard i think i can - for once ive written something im actually proud of hahaha enjoy xx)

Pairing:Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex

Wordcount: 7k

i 06/02/1986

They met when they were just five years old, a cold February day where she was wrapped up in a bright pink duffle coat and he a black jacket with a green scarf that covered his neck up to his face, slightly red from the harsh wind even after they’d entered the quiet café.

Pansy had never spoken to a boy before and so she hid behind her mother’s legs as she conversed with who Pansy supposed was the strange boy’s own mother. Pansy heard her mother say there was no need to be shy; Draco was perfectly polite, she’d said. But Pansy wasn’t having any of it. Not even when the boy took a few steps towards her and held out a gloved hand for her to shake.

“I’m Draco, it’s nice to meet you.” He introduces himself in a way that Pansy would have thought of as too sophisticated for his age if she even knew what the word meant at the time. Draco’s hand drops to his side when Pansy refuses to shake it, his brows furrowed as though his small mind can’t comprehend why this girl in the bright pink coat hadn’t wanted to shake his hand.

“Mummy always says not to talk to strangers.” Pansy’s voice is stubborn as she folds her arms across her chest and she watches as Draco chews on his bottom lip as though she’s presented him with a puzzle and he’s trying to solve it. Then his grey eyes light up.

“If we’re friends I’m not a stranger anymore.” He speaks carefully and Pansy thinks maybe boys aren’t that scary because this boy, Draco, is smiling at her. “Do you want to be my friend?” Pansy nods with a giggle, going completely against Draco’s previous formalities as she hugs him abruptly. Children don’t have any perception of personal space and that’s why she hugged him so tight and he hugged her back without a hint of hesitation.

“I’m Pansy. Let’s play hide and seek.” And just like that, they were friends.

ii 03/06/1989

“Pans, you have to come. Mum says she won’t take no for an answer so you have no choice.” It’s his ninth birthday in two days and maybe Pansy is a little too young to feel insecure but she’d read about insecurity (or read as much as she could understand at her age) when she was peeking through one of her mother’s copies of Witch Weekly and now she thinks she feels it. She’s worried that Draco is growing up and leaving her behind; she’d know that fear was irrational now but at the age of only eight, two months difference in age feels like a lifetime. Draco would probably have friends at the party that Pansy didn’t know and what if they didn’t like her? What if they hated her and teased her and Draco joined in because he’s older now?

“What if your friends don’t like me?” Pansy whispers as she plonks herself down on Draco’s bedroom floor, legs crossed with her fingers tracing cracks in the wood before she pulls her dress over her knees. Draco had asked her earlier if the pattern embroidered in the dress were pansies because of her name and she had laughed and called him ‘silly’ because obviously they were daisies, before he pushed her onto the floor with a laugh in retort.

“If they don’t, then I don’t want them to be my friend anymore.” He speaks as though it’s the simplest thing ever and Pansy thinks she’s the luckiest person in the world for having a friend like him as he sits down on the floor in front of her, his legs crossing so their knees touch and he watches the movement of her fingers carefully. “You’re my only real friend anyway. Everyone else is too nice.”

Pansy snickers at his words as her eyes look up to meet his, there’s amusement flashing on his face and there’s a hopeful childish glint in his eyes as he stares at her. Pansy thinks he’s right. She loves Draco unconditionally, they’ve rarely spent more than a week apart since that first time they met but her mind flashes back to when he pushed her on the floor earlier or the time she shouted her first curse word at him and thinks maybe other people wouldn’t understand that they show their affection in more ways that just jokes and hugs. Some people are just too nice. Or the two of them are a little too unkind for eight-year-olds but Pansy doesn’t consider that much.

“I suppose I can come to your party then.” Draco’s face practically lights up as he beams at her, his whole demeanour changing until he appears lighter than he had for the entirety of the day. He practically bounces to his feet, grabbing her hand and pulling her up with him. Pansy can’t stop the grin spreading across her face as he hugs her in excitement – they may not show all their affection through hugs but that doesn’t mean hugging isn’t a frequent occurrence.

“It’s going to be so fun, Pansy, I promise!” Draco practically yells in excitement. “We might even be able to sneak a sip of father’s fire whiskey while he’s not looking.” Pansy thinks maybe she’s too young to be trying alcohol, her mother always told her she can’t touch it until she’s old enough to read a full book cover to cover (a proper book,  not one of her beloved fairytale books) and Pansy isn’t even close to that. But the mischief in Draco’s eyes is Pansy’s favourite thing and the fact that she goes along with what he says when she sees that look has got them in to more trouble than she’d like to remember. Pansy doesn’t care though, she’s certain she’d do anything for her best friend.

iii 01/09/1991

Pansy’s fingers pull at a stray piece of fabric on the seat beside her, resting her head against the window as she listens the rhythm of the Hogwarts Express on the train tracks. Her mind is spinning, her stomach in knots as she runs over the possibilities of what could happen when she arrives for her first year at Hogwarts. She hasn’t spoken a word to her best friend opposite her since he arrived aside from a ‘hello’ and he thinks it’s strange how quiet she is but knows it’s best not to disturb her when she’s worked up over something. Draco is already dressed in his robes, Pansy can’t even bring herself to do that yet because she’s terrified and Merlin, she envies Draco the majority of the time but especially at times like this – he’s never phased by anything, unlike her.

“Are you nervous?” Pansy questions before taking a ridiculously large bite of the chocolate frog Draco had bought her because she has to at least eat something. She’s completely aware of the chocolate smeared around her mouth. Her mother always told her that it’s not ladylike to behave so carelessly, especially in front of a male but she thinks it doesn’t matter with Draco; he’s seen her knickers once before when he pushed her off of her broom in a game of tag and her skirt rode up, a bit of chocolate really wasn’t a big deal.

“About what?”

“Everything. Going to Hogwarts, making new friends, getting sorted into your house.” Pansy counts her reasons on her fingers as Draco watches her, amusement clear in his eyes as though he’d been waiting for this conversation since he sat down. Pansy thinks he knows her too well sometimes but then realises that’s not a problem because she knows just as much about him. She’s spent many hours telling him everything on her mind only for him to make her feel better with a few kind words and a little bit of name-calling and a cuddle. “I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“You’ll make friends straight away, Pans. You made friends with me easy enough.”

“Draco, we were five. It’s not that simple at this age.” Pansy scowls at him and she almost laughs at the way she’s talking. She sounds like an old woman, she knows and Draco thinks the same because a slight snort of laughter can be heard from him as he swallows a handful of sweets.

“Just relax. Even if you don’t make friends, you still have me.” All she can do is nod because he’s right and she really does need to relax, this is supposed to be exciting. “Unless, of course, you get sorted into Hufflepuff. Then I’d have no choice but to never speak to you again.” Pansy directs a light kick straight to his shin and he laughs, she can’t stop the corners of her mouth curling upwards because his laughter is infectious and it’s her favourite sound.

“Not funny.”

“I’ll be in Slytherin, there’s not been a single Malfoy that hasn’t been in Slytherin.” Draco has a hint of superiority in his tone, something he always takes on when he’s discussing his family or his blood status. Honestly, Pansy wasn’t even aware about the significance of blood until Draco explained to her the difference between pure-bloods and other types of wizards, something she supposed he learnt from his father. Pansy isn’t sure she fully agrees with those views but she tells Draco she does every time it’s mentioned; she likes the way his eyes shine when she agrees with him, when she really feels important to him.

“You’ll be Slytherin too, Pans. Just wait.” She hopes more than anything that he’s right.

iv 14/02/1993

Pansy has only just managed stop the tears falling freely down her face as she pulls her knees up onto the couch beside her, her head on Draco’s lap, his fingers combing through her hair as he waits for her to calm down. She thanks Salazar that it’s 2am and no one else is awake to hear her this way because Pansy Parkinson isn’t weak and no one can see her like this, no one except Draco. The tone of his quiet, soothing ‘shh’ echoes through the dungeons as she tries her absolute best to get a fucking grip because she’s thirteen now and she shouldn’t be sobbing over things as pathetic as this.

“He’s not worth it, y’know? I always told you he’s an arse.” And Pansy wants to roll her eyes at his way of saying ‘I told you so’ but she can’t when they’re sore from crying so she just nods quickly. Draco is right, of course he is, and Pansy knew that all along but Theo was the first person who showed her any attention in that way and she was foolish to believe it. And now it’s Valentine’s Day and her (ex)boyfriend has been shagging Flora Carrow behind her back and Pansy doesn’t think she’s ever felt so stupid. Of course he’d prefer a fourth year, most boys want sex and Pansy certainly wasn’t prepared to give him that at the age of thirteen.

“You didn’t have sex with him, did you?” Draco asks, his fingers hesitating in her hair as he speaks and Pansy thinks she hears a hint of jealousy in his tone but then again she probably imagined it; she thinks she imagines half of the affection Draco shows her. She ignores the fact that it’s because she wants it so much, she wants him to care for her as much as she cares for him but sometimes he’s cold and she doesn’t know what to do with him because growing up creates distance and at times like this she pretends it’s not there.

“Of course not.” Pansy scoffs with a rather unattractive sniffle, lifting her head up off his lap finally to look him in the eyes and she imagines that there’s a flash of relief in the grey. “We kissed and we did… stuff but never that.” Draco nods and Pansy shuffles uncomfortably, she wonders when they reached a point where he didn’t already know these things about her. She wonders when they reached a point where she felt awkward discussing these things with him.

“I’ll hex him in the corridor tomorrow, if you want?” That mischievous glint that Pansy has grown up to love makes her heart skip a beat because he does care, just not as intensely and in his own way and it’s okay. Sometimes. Not when she looks at him and her pulse quickens and her face flushes red and sometimes when she thinks of his smile she gets small butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She’s sure that’s friendship, that’s how everyone feels towards their best friend but she’s too scared to ask Draco if he feels it too.

“I’d like that.”

“You need sleep, your eyes are all red.” Draco mutters softly, standing from the sofa and holding out his hand for her to take as she stands up. When her skin touches his, Pansy feels those familiar butterflies she feels every time he touches her; she also notices the way he doesn’t seem phased in the slightest but ignores that completely. “I’ll walk to breakfast with you tomorrow and we’ll act like he doesn’t exist, yeah? Just me and you like old times.” Pansy could burst into tears of joy right then and there if she hadn’t already cried as much as she thought was possible.

And when the blonde leans forward just the slightest amount, his head tilted downwards towards hers, she thinks he’s going to kiss her lips and she didn’t realise she wanted that until her breathing stops and her hands are shaking by her side. But his lips land on her cheek in the slightest brush of a goodnight kiss and Pansy feels a sense of disappointment over something she didn’t even know she needed but she’ll take what she can get because this is Draco and she’ll always care more than she has to with him.

v 25/12/1994

‘You look fucking beautiful, Pans’, he had said as she made her way towards him in the entrance to the Great Hall and she had blushed as pink as her frilly gown as she took his arm. Now as she dances with him at the Yule Ball, his arm around her waist and her head on his shoulder, she thinks that nothing compares to him. Nothing is as beautiful as Draco Malfoy.

Pansy has come to accept that the feelings she has for Draco go way beyond the way one should feel for their best friend. She learnt that it definitely isn’t friendship when she asked Daphne and Millie what they thought love was and they described exactly how she felt. They’d both said they hope they fall in love one day and Pansy didn’t want to tell them that sometimes love feels like a dagger through the heart when you see that one person with his lips on another girls’ neck and it’s like a form of silent torture when it’s a different girl the next week and another the week after. She wishes more than anything that just once that girl could be her.

But tonight that doesn’t matter because Draco asked her to the ball over anyone else and maybe it’s only because she’s the only girl he’s ever been close enough to dance with but Pansy never got over that habit of pretending and tonight she pretends that it’s because he loves her back.

The night disappears much faster than Pansy would like it to and soon enough, it’s midnight and the ball is over. Draco keeps his fingers intertwined with hers though as they leave the hall and he doesn’t let go until they reach the door to the common room. She’s sure this must just be another one of those things she imagines but it’s not and it’s real and he’s perfect.

They pause at the entrance to the dormitories, Draco finally letting go of her hand as he faces her – Pansy feels uncharacteristically nervous under his gaze. “I’m glad you asked me to go with you, Draco. It was so wonderful.” Pansy hadn’t told him that she was glad he’d asked her to the Ball, the conversation in which she was asked included a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders and a short ‘why not’ as they sat in the library one afternoon. Inside she was squealing with delight.

“I- You were the only person I could’ve asked.” Draco’s smiling as he speaks but Pansy can’t help but feel hurt by his words, was she really his last resort? “You’re the only person I care about in this shitty school; I couldn’t have possibly asked anyone else.” Oh Merlin, Pansy thinks this is the happiest she’s ever felt and it can’t get better than this, ever.

Except it can because his fingers are on her chin and he tilts her head up to his and he’s oh so gorgeous as he stares down at her. “You really do look stunning tonight, Pans.” And Pansy doesn’t even get time to hide her blush this time as Draco places a soft peck on her lips which lasts a second at most but it’s enough to make her head spin and she thinks she might pass out. “I- uh, I just wanted to check something that’s all.” Draco murmurs awkwardly and its now his turn for his pale cheeks to go a light shade of pink. And then he leans forward once more and it’s longer this time and Pansy doesn’t think she’s held her breath for this long before.

The kiss is soft and slow and Pansy’s eyes flutter closed through instinct as their lips move together. Draco’s lips are softer than she ever imagined and when his tongue swipes against her mouth, she opens hers just enough to let him into her own mouth before she has to grip his arm to steady herself. This is the definition of magic, Pansy thinks, forget spells and potions; it’s kissing Draco Malfoy. It ends all too soon and Pansy finds herself desperately chasing his mouth as he pulls away until she snaps herself out of it and she opens her eyes to find him looking down at her, his brows furrowed.

“That was…” Amazing. Perfect. Everything I could have ever imagined. “Different.” Draco beams down at her and Pansy smiles back but she doesn’t think that he means the good kind of different.

“It was, yeah, it was different.” She nods because she always makes sure he knows she agrees with him, even when she doesn’t. “What were you checking?”

“I felt like I wanted to kiss you all night, I was checking that it would be as good as I hoped.” Draco shrugs, cracking his knuckles in that way that irritates most people beyond belief but she finds it more endearing that anything.

“And?”

“Like I said… different.” He’s right, it was different. Different because Pansy is so head-over-heels for the blonde in front of her and this night is a dream come true. But he doesn’t mean it that way, she knows that and this time she doesn’t even feel like pretending. Instead she mimics his grin and she’s aware that his words act as a mutual agreement that it didn’t mean anything other than curiosity – even if she doesn’t fully feel the same on her behalf.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Malfoy.”

“Don’t. I meant it in the worst way.” And Pansy laughs, she genuinely laughs for the millionth time that night because she knows his humour and she knows that even though he didn’t like the kiss the way she did, he’s only joking with his harsh words. “Love you though.”

“Go to bed, Draco.” Pansy rolls her eyes followed by the quickest kiss on his cheek before he turns to his dorm. Tonight she’ll tell her friends that Draco kissed her and tonight she’ll pretend he enjoyed it as much as she did.

vi 19/08/1994

Her back slams against the door of Draco’s bedroom as his hands pin hers to the wood by her side, his lips on her jaw and his scent is everywhere. She loves it. She loves him. And her head is spinning because she’s completely intoxicated by him, she won’t ever get used to this. And she knows he does this with other girls but she always wished she could be one of those and now she is and she pretends that she means more than the others because the two of them have a history and that has to count for something.

It’s the summer holidays, just a couple of weeks before the start of fifth year and Pansy hasn’t seen Draco since term ended. As soon as she arrived at Malfoy Manor, Draco had pulled her upstairs and she was hit with memories of when he’d do the same thing when they were children. But when they were children it didn’t end with his hands on the hem of her shirt as he starts pulling it over her head. And then her fingers are in his hair as his mouth trails sloppy kisses over her collar bone.

Pansy always told herself that her first time would be with someone she’s in love with, the person she’s going to marry and although she plans their wedding in her head some nights, she’s not sure that person will be Draco. But she’s in love with him, completely irrevocably in love with him and thinks that might be enough for now, even if he doesn’t love her back.

“Draco-“ She starts, cutting herself off as he sucks on her neck hard enough and in the right place to make her let out a small hiss of pleasure. “Draco, I want- I want you to takemyvirginity.” Pansy’s cheeks burn red as she rushes the last three words out, her eyes focusing on the wall behind Draco’s head because what if he says not or even worse, what if he laughs at her? His mouth stops moving against her skin as he registers what was said before he lifts his head, his eyes searching her face for any sign that she didn’t mean what she said.

“Are you sure?” And Pansy feels relief at the softness in his voice, his hands releasing hers from pinning her to door as one moves to her hip and the other lifts to move a stray lock of hair from her face. She’s sure, she’s never been more sure of anything in her life.

Pansy nods her head quickly, his eyes focused on his lips because she can’t even bare to look into his eyes at this point. “It has to be you. There’s no one else.” The words are practically a whisper as they leave her lips and when Draco’s mouth connects with hers it’s so soft that it reminds her of their first kiss after the Yule Ball, every kiss after that has been rushed and desperate until now. This kiss tells Pansy that he knows what she’s saying, he understands that it can only be him she does this with, he’s the only person she trusts to see her vulnerable that way for the first time.

Draco’s hand intertwines with hers as he walks her towards his bed and she lays down on it with nerves in the pit of her stomach and her hands trembling just the slightest amount. She watches as Draco takes his shirt off followed by his trousers so then he’s only in his underwear and it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before but it’s different this time, entirely different.

He’s on top of her then, his lips on her mouth, her jaw, her neck; everywhere. Her hands laced in his hair as she closes her eyes, her heart thudding uncontrollably and her mind is so clouded with excitement and need she can’t stop the words leaving her lips.

“I love you.” It’s not in the same way she usually says it, they both know it’s more than the brief ‘love you’s they’ve shared over the years of their friendship and Draco doesn’t stop his movements for a second.

“I know.” Pansy never expected him to say it back yet despite that, she can’t ignore the pang of pain that shoots through her heart. But she can pretend, just for tonight at least, that they are in love and it’ll be everything she imagined it would be.

vii 30/03/1995

OWLs are more stressful than Pansy could have ever imagined, she spends hours on top of hours studying yet nothing seems to stay in her head and Pansy is close to accepting her fate in that she will fail everything. But it’s just past curfew and the common room is almost empty as she leans over her potions notes, the exam is only weeks away and most nights Pansy can’t sleep with worry.

When the doors to the common room open, Pansy doesn’t even lift her head until he sofa dips beside her and she’s met with the sight of Draco. Her quill drops immediately as she turns to give him her full attention and he leans into her, a yawn falling from his lips and he rests his head on her shoulder. Pansy wrinkles her nose in disgust however because while she’d usually relish in any kind of affection from him, he smells of perfume and sex and she tries to ignore the nausea spreading all over her body.

“Ugh, Draco get off me.” She pushes his head from her and instead he slouches back and sinks into the sofa. “You reek of pussy.” Draco snorts at her vulgar language, laughing loudly and she can’t help but smile back at him despite the fact that imagining him with another girl is equivilant to shattering her heart into tiny pieces.

“And you reek of jealousy,” Draco teases but he’s right and they both know it. He uses her, she knows it, he takes advantage of her feelings for him so he can have a quick fuck when he feels like it and she knows she should probably hate him for it but she loves him more than she can explain and maybe it’s fucked up but Pansy accepted that’s what she is a long time ago. He’s still her best friend and if Pansy could see past the feelings she has for him, she might come to realise that he’s not the same boy she met ten years ago and she deserves better than him but she can’t do that.

“I’m trying to study.” Irritation is clear in her tone but it’s fake and Draco likes to annoy her, he always has done so he kicks his legs up onto the coffee table where her work is with a smirk. “Which you should be doing too, by the way. Not off fucking sluts in broom closets.” She pushes his feet off the table with a huff as he shrugs.

“For your information, it wasn’t a broom closet. It was a-“

“I don’t care. Now either help me with this Potions work or go get a wash.” Pansy feels him shuffle closer to her on the sofa, so close that their arms are side by side and their legs pressed against each other. He leans forward and scans his eyes over the notes in front of her, his brows furrowed as he reads and she feels secretly glad that he didn’t pay attention to her suggestion that he leaves.

Draco’s head shakes a little as he picks up her quill, dipping in the ink before he starts scratching words on her notes on brewing an Invigoration Draught. “Look Pans, you wrote it wrong. You need three asphodel roots, not two. In fact, most of this is wrong, were you even paying attention?”

“Probably not. You know how much I hate that subject.” Sometimes Draco makes her feel a little inferior, mainly because he’s so clever and Pansy knows he can’t help that but if it were anyone else she’d resent it. “I don’t know why you’re acting so smart; Granger’s beating you anyway, she got top of the class in the last test.” Now it’s her turn to irritate him.

“Don’t get me started on that mudblood.” Draco sneers and she hides the way she cringes at his language because she really isn’t prejudiced, not as much as everyone thinks. She wasn’t brought up to think that way at least, her parents have always been very accepting. But as Draco grew up, he grew to have the same pure-blood elitist beliefs as his parents and Pansy only challenged him on it once before she decided it was easier to just go along with it. Her parents would no doubt be disappointed if they knew the foul things she’d said to muggle-borns at school over the years but that doesn’t seem to matter when she does it to impress him.

“Better up your game, Malfoy.” Pansy nudges him, a hint of challenge in her voice as he pushes her shoulder lightly.

“Tomorrow.” He stands up, finally deciding it’s time he got a shower. “Tomorrow, we’ll go to the library after breakfast and we’ll study. You’re going to get an Exceeds Expectations, and I’m going to beat that Granger.” Pansy is amazed at the way a few words from the right person can ease practically every worry in her mind.

viii 22/05/1995

Sex with Draco is the best thing she’s ever had the pleasure of doing. The sound of her name leaving his lips, way his hands caress her body so delicately even when the act itself is the furthest from delicate, it’s all rather mind-blowing. Draco prefers rough sex, Pansy prefers slow sex but she doesn’t ever tell him that because she supposes rough sex is better than no sex. That’s what she thinks as she comes down from what she’s sure might be the best orgasm of her life and Draco pulls out of her, dropping onto her bed beside her. Everyone else is at dinner so there’s no need for him to rush away like usual.

“Pansy, can I tell you something?” Draco’s voice is still raspy as he sits up, his hands reaching to the bottom of the bed so he can grab his shirt and Pansy nods, still too warm to even think of getting dressed. “I think I’ve fallen in love.” This is it, she thinks. This is when he finally tells her those three words she’s been waiting for since as long as she can remember and all of this pain she’s felt, all these times he’s left her in the aftermath of their sex feeling used and alone won’t matter anymore. “Do you know Astoria Greengrass?”

Her mouth goes dry and she feels a lump in the back of her throat, the back of her eyes prickling with the beginning of tears that she desperately tries to hold back. And she will hold them back because she won’t let him see her hurt even though he knows how much his words are killing her. She doesn’t think he does it intentionally but she doesn’t know him anymore, she pretends she does but she doesn’t. She hasn’t known him, properly known him inside and out, since he was thirteen; growing up changed him into a much colder person than the one she grew up with. “Daphne’s sister, she’s in third year isn’t she?”

Draco swings his legs off the edge of the bed as he pulls on his underwear, deciding that he’s wearing enough clothes for now as he turns to face her. “I- She’s not like other girls, y’know? She’s special and I kissed her once, a few months back. I’ve never felt like that before, not with anyone.” There’s a dagger in her heart and Draco is holding it, twisting it deeper with each word he speaks. “I didn’t kiss her again though; I didn’t want her to just be like the others. I want everything to be right.”

The others. That includes her. She’s one of ‘the others’. How did she go from being his best friend to being nothing more than a girl he sleeps with? “Have you spoken to Astoria about it? That you- you love her.” Draco shakes his head and Pansy wonders why in the world he’s sat here with her, having just fucked her if he’s in love with someone else. Pansy couldn’t do that; she’s been hopelessly loyal to someone who will never feel the same way for the majority of her life. It’s pathetic really.

“What should I do, Pans?” Pansy feels the jealousy still burning in the pit of her stomach, anger the only thing driving her thoughts as she goes through possible answers in her head. She wants to tell him to stay away from her, to yell at him for leading her on all these years, swear at him for taking advantage of her. But she does none of those things.

“I think you need to tell her.” Before now, Pansy didn’t think it would be possible to be heartbroken by her own words but as they echo around her dorm she thinks that’s just what’s happened.

“But what if she doesn’t love me back? What if she feels nothing?” Well then you’ll know exactly how I feel. Pansy doesn’t speak half of the words she thinks most of the time.

“You get on with it. You keep your head high and wait until something better comes along.” Draco’s eyes are burning into hers as she speaks and she knows he’s got questions on the tip of his tongue that she’s not certain he’ll ask.

“Is that what you did?” He’s talking about her, about her feelings for him as though they don’t exist anymore and then it hits her that maybe he has no idea she still feels that way for him. He doesn’t have any clue about the extent of her love for him, both platonic and romantic. And she wants to tell him the truth, that no – she’s still waiting for that ‘something better’ but she doesn’t. She’d rather be in pain; she’d rather be broken hearted for the rest of her life than possibly burden him with the guilt of her feelings when he has a chance at being happy.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I did.”

ix 08/08/1995

“Does it hurt?” Pansy asks as she sits opposite Draco on her bed, his sleeve is rolled up and on his forearm she watches the tattoo move under his skin. It causes shivers of fear to run through her body. Part of her wants to touch it but the other part is disgusted, just slightly to the point where she can’t look him in the eye.

“At first it did, not so much now.” Draco shrugs, pulling his sleeve back down but through the thin white fabric she can still make out the black stain on his skin. “Do you hate me?” Pansy shakes her head instinctively; she should hate him, she should be telling him to get the hell out of her house because Draco Malfoy is a Death Eater and this isn’t right. But she doesn’t hate him. She understands he had no choice, she’s listened to his explanation over and over again and she gets it, she gets him.

“Of course not.” She whispers, finally looking up at him and there’s a sadness on his face that she hasn’t seen before. He looks young and old all at once, young because he appears so damn vulnerable and old because his eyes are tired and his skin is pale and she feels more pity for him than anything. “Everything that’s happened, you- you didn’t have any other choice.”

“Astoria is going to hate me.” He’s going to cry again and she’s going to have to hold him again as she desperately tries to hold back tears because she’s never seen him so broken before and she’s not used to being the one who has to stay strong. But he blinks away the tears. “I- I had to break up with her. I’m too scared he’ll use it against me so I sent her an owl. How noble of me.”  Pansy rolls her eyes at his dry humour even at times like this but at least this is a way to get him to smile even if it’s the tiniest amount.

“Wow Draco, I hope you had the decency to at least use your best quill and take your time with the most elaborate handwriting.” She teases and he gives a weak chuckle.

“Actually, I scribbled it out at 2am in the dark so who knows what it looks like.” A snort of laughter leaves Pansy’s mouth at his words and his face seems to light up because even at times like this, she can always make him laugh.

She’s also gotten used to the idea of Draco and Astoria being together, almost. She spent the rest of fifth year purposely looking away from the two of them when Draco chose to sit with Astoria instead of her at meals, she spent way too many nights crying over it that she became numb to the idea and began to not feel anything when Draco cluelessly asked her for advice on relationships. As if she’d have the slightest idea, she’d always scoffed in her head.

That’s why she’s not surprised by the sadness and pity she feels for Draco when finding out he had to leave the girl he loves so intensely that even Pansy can’t pretend he doesn’t anymore. She still loves Draco, she thinks she always will but she’s not going to hold him back. It’s her problem to deal with, not his.

“When all this is over, you can explain it to her properly. She’ll understand, I know it and then you can be happy.” Draco’s head is shaking in disagreement before she’s even finished speaking.

“I think you’re the only person I want around when all this is over, Pans. The world is too complicated for being in love, friendship is more important.” Pansy doesn’t press the fact that she is in love with him and therefore his theory doesn’t matter in the slightest to her. “When everything’s done, we can be roommates and we’ll rent a place and get good jobs and we won’t need anyone else. Just me and you.”

Pansy’s happy with that plan. He might not want to marry her, he might not even love her but that’s the best she’s going to get and she couldn’t be more satisfied.

x 14/10/2004

Hey Pans,

I know we haven’t spoken in a while and I was going to send you the same invite as everyone else but I thought you deserve a handwritten one (lucky).

I asked Astoria to marry me! Can you believe it? I certainly can’t! But we’re getting married on the 14th of December and I’d love if you’d come to the wedding. It’ll only be you, Blaise and Daphne from school but I miss you a lot and you’re the only one I haven’t seen since everything happened.

I’ll still send you the proper invitation so you know the dates and things but I just wanted you to know that I want you there more than I want any of the others really and it’d make me beyond happy. I do hope you can make it (mother says she misses you as well).

Lots of love, your bestest friend (Draco in case you didn’t already know). Xx

“Incendio.” Pansy mutters as she watches the parchment go up in flames, her heart heavy but she ignores it as she takes a puff of her cigarette. She’s long past the point of being sad over Draco Malfoy, she did enough of that after the war. He was the one who chose not to reply to her letters, he was the one who didn’t get into contact until now.

Pansy spent many months waiting for his owl or even for him to turn up at her door with the keys to their place they were going to rent and that grin that she used to love so much but now she can’t fully picture. We won’t need anyone else. Just me and you. The words haunted her, they were the only things she could think of for such a long time as she clung onto the hope that he hadn’t forgotten about her, he was just busy fixing himself after the war.

But she saw him on the cover of the Prophet, he had a job at the Ministry, he attended events with Astoria on his arm and she washed away the bitter taste in her mouth with cigarette smoke; deciding that killing herself this way was much less painful that killing herself by pining after him. Because that’s what she’d been doing all those years; following him around, being at his beck and call, letting him use her whenever he wished – those were all things that broke her bit by bit but she was too blinded by him to notice it until she was away from him.

And Pansy spent hours contemplating whether she’d go to the wedding, she’s read the letter hundreds of times but that only served to convince her that she can’t possibly face him. Not after all this time. And it might upset him, she knows that, it won’t be easy for him to get married without having his oldest friend there but Pansy has spent too much of her life going out of her way to keep Draco Malfoy happy.

Pansy has had enough of pretending that she’s going to get her happy ending. It’s time for her to face reality and her reality is harsh and sometimes lonely but now this is the best she’s going to get. Pansy is ready to accept that.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Birthday

Fandom: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Characters: Donnie, Raph, Leo, Mikey. Relationship: Donnie/reader Request: It’s the readers birthday and she thinks Donnie has forgotten but he hasn’t because he was working on a birthday present for her Donnie hadn’t been out of the lab more than 2 minutes when you were there. His brothers had told you he hadn’t slept properly or even eaten. you were worried just like his family but that wasn’t the only reason you were here. it was your birthday. Splinter and the boys had invited you for dinner as a celebration but there had been one person missing. The very person in front of you now. “hey, Donnie.” You smiled despite your heart breaking with each passing second. it was obvious he had forgotten and it hurt you deeply. You cared for him more than you had ever admitted and although you weren’t expecting him to have got you a present with all the bells and whistles on, you expected acknowledgement. You were meant to be friends have all. “oh, hey.” Was all he said and moved passed you to go into his room. You stared at his back as he glanced over his shoulder. “something wrong?” he asked, turning back to face you while frowning behind his glasses. he had forgotten your birthday. He had forgotten you. All the years you had been there for him, after everything you had been to each other and he had forgotten. But there was so much more. He had been ignoring you for the last few weeks. Maybe he hadn’t forgotten. Maybe he didn’t care. you stood there staring at him for a moment as if you expected him to suddenly smile and pull out a card but nothing. You stared at him with wide eyes that soon began to water, much to his surprise. The second Donnie noticed the tears in your eyes, he rushed to you but you backed away nd turned on your heel, sprinting down the hallway. Donnie froze for a second, not able to understand why you would run from him. Normally, he was the only one to comfort you but now, he didn’t know what was happening. But something kicked him and he ran after you, his heart beating hard in his chest. But as he rounded the corner, his heart stopped. While you had already ran out the door and home, it was the living room that made him instantly understand. All around the walls were balloons and banners with your name on them. There was confetti on the floor and the aftermath on a meal which looked like it had been your favourite meal. He remembered Leo coming and knocking on his lab door, calling through the door that you were here and they were going to start eating but he just assumed it was dinner as normal. It couldn’t be that day. “Well done, genius.” He glared over his shoulder, meeting the gaze of Raph who was coming out of the kitchen with Leo and Mikey behind him. But Donnie knew he was in the wrong. “i-I didn’t realise it was that date.” He sighed as he hung his head in shame. “yeah, well. Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Raph half growled as he stormed past Donnie, ‘accidently’ catching his shoulder and making him stumble. Donnie thought of how you must feel. While he and his brother didn’t exactly have birthdays, you had dedicated a different day for them each year. It made them feel special and on that day, it made them feel normal. You went out of your way to make each of them happy. Donnie remembered how you had always went above and beyond for him and yet he had forgotten yours. “I-i…” Donnie stuttered as he turned to face Leo but he had no idea what to say. Leo sighed. “you know, she spent the whole day waiting for you.” Leo’s words caused Donnie to physically flinch because he knew it was true. Donnie couldn’t take the guilt or his brothers eyes and ran out the room, following you. ---------------time skip --------------------------- You stopped running the second you got onto the street. Tears ran down your cheeks but because it was late and dark, no one would know. You walked into your home, throwing your jacket on the floor and sitting on your couch in the dark. How could he had forgot? you buried your face in your hands and cried. Hard. You cursed everything including yourself. You shouldn’t be getting so upset. If you didn’t mean that much to him then its good thing because it showed you and now you could move on and not put so much faith in him. But why did it hurt so much? Maybe because you cared so much for him. He was your everything. You heard your window open and someone stumble through. You glance up through your fingers to see Donnie walling towards you, his eyes wide at your state. You took a deep breath and wiped the tears away with the back of your hand and standing. You were about to turn on your heel and walk into your room when a hand caught your wrist, gently stopping you. “wait. Please?” Donnie voice shook as he spoke. His voice sounded broken and lost as he pleaded with you to stay. You should have ripped your hand away from him and stormed through to your room but his voice was too much. You stayed as still as statue and waited. It appeared that Donnie was waiting for you tk say something but when you didn’t, you heard him let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t forget.” He half whispered, making you frown and look at him, your eyes filled with anger “no, you just didn’t care.” you growled, trying to pull your hand away but failing. “no, no I do care!” Donnie cried out, only pulling you closer as you struggled in his grip. “You have a funny way of showing it!” you hissed as you managed to wriggle out of his grip and step back from his, tears running down your cheeks. “I should have known better!” you scolded yourself, squeezing your eyes closed and covering your face with your hands, sobbing into the palms. “I should have known you wouldn’t care! Just like everyone else!” your voice broke as you cried into your hands. there was a moment of silence which was only broken by your sobs. but then someone wrapped their arms around your and pulled you close to a strong, hard chest. You peaked through your fingers to see Donnie chest. he was hunched over you. “don’t think that.” He sobbed in your ear as his tears fell from his face and landed on your shoulders. “We care about you. I care about you so much. God, I didn’t forget, I swear. I just lost track of time!” he pulled you closer and buried his head in your neck as you didn’t the same. “please don’t think that!” he begged in your ear. “Donnie, I don’t understand?” you breathed, hiccupping half way through it. Donnie pulled away, his eyes now bright red. You saw the bags under his eyes and from what his brothers had told you, he hadn’t slept in a few days. “your birthday present. Ive been working on it for a while and I wanted it get it finished. I-I just lost track of time and I didn’t realise what day it was. I swear I never forgot!” Donnie spoke like a broken man. He way he held you made you weak. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak so all you did was wrapped your arms around his neck and held him close. Donnie instantly reacted ti your touch and let out a shaking breath. You couldn’t help but cry as you held you. You could hear he was sobbing and his hands were shaking as they held you close. He kept mumbling how he was sorry and it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself he hadnt forgot. All you could do was hold each other. Eventually, you were all cried out and pulled away, unwrapping your arms from his form. “Sorry, I should have just come and spoke to you.” You half smiled to yourself. You hated that there was a lack of communication between you two considering you were normally so close. “No, its my fault. I cant believe i made you so upset on your birthday.” He shook his head, reaching out and gently stroking your cheek. “Its okay.” You whispered, dropping you gaze from his. You were partly embarrassed for letting him see you in such a state. “No, its not. You should never doubt how much I care for you. How much I love you.” Donnie’s words were soft and filled with a hidden passion you had never heard from him before. Looking up at him with wide eyes, you saw the dark blush dusting his cheek. You half expected him to run after his confession but he stood there awkwardly and rubbing the back of his neck. “Really?” You breathed, a little cautious. “of course. Ive always loved you.” He muttered, looking at his feet, his hands dropping to his side. With your heart beating hard in your chest, you step forward and ducked your head to meet his eyes. When he meets your eyes, you go up on your toes and press your lips to his in a sweet kiss. Donnie instantly kissed back, pouring all the passion he could find into the kiss. It was an apology and, at the same time, a promise of love. It was sweet and passionate. It made your head spin as he held you close and tightly, his hand still shaking. The kiss was short lived when you both heard movement from your window. You jumped a part just as Leo climbed through the window, followed by his brothers. Judging by the look he gave Donnie, which was a raised eyebrow and smirk, he had seen the kiss. You couldn’t help but smile at them as you quickly wiped away the tear with the back of your hands. Leo then whispered something to Raph who smirked and then Raph to Mikey. “I knew it!” He whispered, his eyes darting between you and Donnie so you knew Leo had just told them what you and Donnie had been doing. “We didn’t know if you two were okay or not so we brought this.” Leo spoke and nodded to Raph who was holding something behind his back. He was about to bring it out when Donnie darted forward to shield it from view, his back to you. “Don’t! Its not finished!” He said while shaking his head. “I don’t mind.” You spoke up, curious as to what was being hidden from you. Donnie sighed and you knew why. He could never say no to you. Especially after such a emotional moment together. You saw Raph smirk as he handed Donnie the item and Mikey was bouncing with excitement. Donnie turned, carful to keep the item out of view. “Its something from all of us. But its not finished yet.” He said, scowling at Leo who just smirked and nodded at you. It then hit you that you haven’t had any presents from the boys but you hadn’t noticed because you were too busy worrying about Donnie. He walked over to you and brought the item from behind his back. It was a small, black tablet. It was about the side of a book but really thin. You could tell Donnie had built it up himself because there was nothing like this on the market. You stared at it as Donnie pressed a button to turn it on. As it loaded, he took your hand and lead you over to couch. He sat one side of you and Leo the other. Mikey and Raph leaned over the back of the sofa to watch the tablet. The home screen was a picture of you. But it was one that, in a way, had all the turtles in it. You knew you could never have picture of them as your home screen in case someone saw your phone, but this was different. One day a few months ago, you had stolen all their weapons while they slept. You then took a selfie with the weapons on you and sent it to them. It symbolised each of them. You smiled at the photo. Donnie then started to tap on the screen, bringing up a menu filled with apps. You instantly saw it was all your favourite apps. It had a mixture of games and other apps including a few which looked like they were new. “I chose out all your favourite songs and also included some of my own so you can apricate them.” Mikey said, pointing at a music app. He sounded so proud of himself. “well, we all did.” Leo said, smiling at you then scowling at Mikey who just stuck his tongue out at him. “You’ve got all your photos of you and us in a secret file which had a password. Its [Date].” Donnie said as he tapped pictures, entered the password and brought it up. “That’s the date I met you guys.” You beamed. Donnie looked at you and nodded. You saw the love in his eyes. For the next 30 minutes, they showed you what was on the tablet. It had a whole range of different uses. It had apps for fighting move (chosen by Raph if they were deemed accurate), it had all your favourite books and movie on it, it had gadgets and apps that you didn’t think there was technology yet. Some things still didn’t work properly, which was why Donnie had said it wasn’t ready but you didn’t care. As you stared at the small device, you realised how much work and effort had went into making this and having all this information’s on it. They had all went out of their way to make sure it was perfect for you. “Like I said, its not finished yet.” Donnie said, locking it and handing it to you. You held it, noticing how light it was. “Thank you so much.” Your voice broke as tears began to pool in your eyes. “No ones ever done this much for me.” You felt 4 pairs of arms wrap around you, telling you not to cry but chuckling about it. You noticed Donnie, whos arms were around your waist, was holding you closest and rubbing your sides. Leo, Mikey and Raph pulled away. “We’re going to take off.” Leo said, offering you a smile. You knew from the look he gave Donnie that that didn’t include him. “Happy birthday.” They all said in unison as Raph placed a hand on your head and ruffled your hair. With that, they left. Donnie stayed by yours side, his arms still around you but once they had left, you leaned and cuddled into him. “Thank you.” You whispered. “its nothing. Im just sorry its not finished.” He said. You heard the disappointment in his voice. “Donnie.” You pulled back to look him in the eyes. “Im not talking about that. Im talking about everything. Everything you’ve done for me.” You reached out and cupped his face. “And even if it isn’t finished yet. No one has ever put that much thought or care into a gift for me before. I cant imagine how much time and energy you and your brothers put into it. How much you put into it.” You said as you rubbed your thumbs in small circles, making him lean into your touch. “We care about you.” He spoke in such a caring way about you. “But I love you.” He whispered. “I love you too.” You smiled. Donnie beamed at you and pulled you back into a sweet kiss. No matter what happened, you now knew you had people who cared for you and loved you. And that’s all you needed.

[asksansweredpdf]

65 questions youre not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not until now

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? hm like a 3? i talk to spirits so sometimes i worry that they’re around

3. The person you would never want to meet? someone i used to know who things are now awkward with

4. What is your favorite word? oblong or shenanigans 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? idk like a mulberry tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? that my hair was sticking up from my sleep

7. What shirt are you wearing? pink &  blue stipy crop

8. What do you label yourself as? flamboyant & eccentric 

9. Bright room or dark room? dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? finishing infinity war or reading fanfic sjdfhjlkf

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 20

12. Who told you they loved you last? probably my old best friend dom

13. Your worst enemy? i dont really have any enemies. i try to get on with everyone or keep to myself if that’s not possible

14. What is your current desktop picture? a scene from kiki’s delivery service with a window near some greenery

15. Do you like someone? not romantically no. i only ever go to work and work romances are inappropriate

16. The last song you listened to? pussy is gof

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? id like to say someone like trump, but i think his death wouldn’t really lead to much positive change. maybe a billionaire with an heir who would do better with what they have? i’lll have to research this

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nobody immediately springs to mind. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? technically i’d make someone like jeff bezos my slave and then force him to give his money to the homeless, or to pay his workers a higher wage, or something to that anti-capitalist extent. maybe i’d force major ceos to try and combat global warming if it isnt too late

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) everyone says my eyes - and i do like them, but im inclined to say my hair. i love my hair so much

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? id be super hot with colourings like zayn malik or rdj and id probably immediately jack off dsfjlkdsjfkl

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no serious answers come to mind

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? asking people for a favour/for help. answering the phone when im not at work

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. my subway usual! white bread, chicken stips with melted cheese, cucumber, capsicum, olives, jalepenos, honey mustard sauce, salt and pepper

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? probably use it to save for a car, or to help fund dad’s trip to america/england that i got roped into having to pay for

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? i have work tomorrow :/ but i guess if i could get out of that i’d go to greece or something?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? ive never had expensive alcohol so i’d probably get like a scotch whiskey or some usual vodka (but pre-mixed. i always puke when i mix vodka myself)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? YEEEESSSS, um first rule would be that everyone gets food/shelter/water for free. regardless of who you are. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? used to be shit, now i think it’s just fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my phone

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? g o d. i think i’d erase either my 18th birthday or the day we first moved into the house im living in now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! fuck yeah i’d go live with harry styles or someone in america or england or whatever. maybe canada. canada seems cool. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my mum’s father! i’ve always wanted to meet him. we have a lot in common from what i’m told (i was 2 when he died so i dont even remember him). but we’re both leos! we both love dancing and we both love music and singing (he was a musician. and music is like.....all i have). we both like cigarettes and swearing. we both had shit mothers. he seems a cool dude. he had that leo generosity and gave my mum a car and money when she needed it and i never had a good person/parent like that around and i’d love to know him and now im getting sad so. did not see that coming round the corner

34. What was your last dream about? this is going to sound weird but it was about this gross old fat dude sitting in a car next to me (i think my family started driving people around for money in my dream) and he started feeling me up and i told him off. 

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? person? artist? singer? student? worker? nope. im not good at much. 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yeah twice that i can recall atm. once when i was 9 months for having a cyst on my ovary, and once when i was 19 for having gastro and puking non-stop.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? nah i wish. it doesnt snow in australia

38. What is the color of your socks? im not wearing any atm but the last pair i wore were red and black deadpool ones

39. What type of music do you like? GOD okay my answer is any type of music. but it has to be good. upbeat music? 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? vanilla or caramel

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i dont give a shit about sports

43. Do you have any scars? yeah i have one on my lower stomach from the surgery i got for my ovary cyst, one on my right hand from opening a tin of tuna and slicing my hand immediately (i later got food poisoning), i have some embarrassing ass self harm scars on my thighs, and i think that’s it? 

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? well i graduate uni in just over a week (next saturday) and i have no clue. at the moment i just want to get a job that has a set amount of hours and a set/steady pay and doesnt make me anxious. a desk job that i’m not terrible at. then i can move out. and once im moved out i wont be in survival mode, and maybe then i can start dreaming. but for now im desperate enough to not even have dreams or wants. 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i would make me more assertive and less anxious. and a bit more funny. a bit more like an aries or a leo. i think i will be more like this when im moved out and secure with a consistent job and consistent living space. i havent had that for like 6 years.

46. Are you reliable? very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? god what a question. where should i work? and should i get a motorbike or a car? and id just ask for general advice

48. Do you hold grudges? absolutely. to be fair, i consider myself a very understanding and fair person, so it takes a lot to get me mad. but once im there, it’s usually justified and hard to change my mind. 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? like maybe a bird and a lion. imagine a flying lion. that’d be sick

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? out of what immediately springs to mind i have 2 equally strong contenders: 1) me, introducing myself to a worker on the first day at my job - “hi, i’m ____ by the way. i don’t think i’ve introduced myself to you yet” “i know.” “oh! sorry haha im just really bad with names and faces haha” "yeah. we went to school together. *walks away*  2) coworker: so how many babies do you think we’ll have to sacrifice to get a bigger back room? me: ........at least 1 million coworker: 1 million? wow! i was thinking like 7! me: 7? wow i really went overboard there. but wait! what counts as a baby? are there age or weight restrictions or? coworker: hm i think it’s like anyone under the age of 4 me: oh under 4? so if you kill a 5 year old and sacrifice it, then you’ve just wasted a kill and it doesn’t count? coworker: yeah pretty much.....i’ve done that a few times, actually. their parents were not happy me: yeah i’d imagine just as much. imagine having to have that conversation with their parents like ‘uhh sorry about that’ coworker: yeah and it was all for nothing too

51. Are you a good liar? yes, when i know the people and situation well. i usually plan out my lies in advance, but for whatever reason im actually a better liar when im thinking on my feet and improvising the lies. have no idea how or why. 

52. How long could you go without talking? fucking forever. i’m great at talking, a very good conversationalist. but fuck i love not having to talk to people. it’s so much effort. 

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? my mum cut a fringe for me when i was 12. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? all the time! i love baking

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? nope

56. What do you like on your toast? vegemite, egg, honey & peanut butter, sometimes jam (mostly when im high)

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? captain phasma

58. What would be you dream car? a 59 cadillac, or most ferraris 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i dont usually sing in the shower, but i do enjoy a good shower dance routine

60. Do you believe in aliens? for sure! our universe is too huge and constantly expanding for there to be just us

61. Do you often read your horoscope? god you dont even want to know how much i fucking love astrology. astrology is my mind. it occupies about 1/3 of all my thoughts and i immediately try to figure out people’s signs within the first .... maybe 5 seconds of meeting them.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? maybe p or r or v

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies? cute when they’re not mine and i can give them back to their mothers after 5 minutes

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

[terriharis05-blog]

Fevers.

Paintball is actually a substantial sport at presents. We have actually constantly seen Chester on many celebrations simply for a time out buying, and a dish at one of it is actually several Bistros that serve everyone's demands as well as we consistently delight in, this time me and also my better half chose to choose a couple of days, it was actually an excellent opportunity for us each, to hang around with each other without the eldest remains in University, our 2nd eldest resides in boarding College ( on a Rugby Scholarship), and our youngest got on a 3 day Task Camping ground along with for the moment our company could possibly unwind and enjoy our settings and feel me Chester is actually really lovely. I certainly never thought the name of any sort of area, until now away consequently recently known, could possibly ever link on its own in my thoughts along with the group of tender recognitions that currently gather about it. There are those within this city that would certainly brighten, to me, the darkest winter-day that ever shimmered as well as went out in Lapland; and before whose visibility even Residence developed dim, when they as well as I swapped that very painful word which joins our every idea as well as deed; which possesses our cradle-heads in early stage, and also closes up the vista of our lives in age. The Lord likewise should holler out of Zion, and also utter his vocal from Jerusalem; and the paradises as well as the planet will shake: yet the God will definitely be actually the chance of his folks, and also the strength of the little ones of Israel. The Company should be deemed a passive one that performs certainly not produce individual legal system over Provider, either specific or even basic, in territories apart from New york city. My older sibling stopped her project in New York Metropolitan Area at 26 to relocate to Argentina, where she resided for approximately 6 months before getting back. Great job Seattle on getting the Cycling Smooch Of Death-after all, a # 1 ranking coming from Bicycling is like a favorable testimonial from me (New York City was # 1 a few years back thus what does that tell you?) That notwithstanding, rainfall and helmet rule regardless of, Seattle possesses definitely satisfied me with its bicycleness on previous sees so I make certain the designation is called for. Nevertheless, go there along with an available thoughts, reside there with a vibrant center, and also undoubtedly, forget the meaning of tranquility for the time of your keep in the urban area. I right now reside about 50 miles north of the city, however I still adore to check out Seattle as often as I can. Solomon in his petition of commitment of the holy place mentioned, speaking with God of The lord's children, If they wrong versus you - for there is no person who carries out certainly not transgression (1 Kings 8:46 ESV) as well as asked that The lord eliminate them upon their repentance. And also it is actually a stunning metropolitan area especially for those folks who enjoy getting on the water because it lies at the intersection of the Mobile Stream and also the Mobile Bay. It is also among the smaller sized coliseums still in existence today (4th smallest in MLB through seating capacity), offering it an one-of-a-kind and still extremely intimate sensation for followers. His rage re-ignited, William after that hacked his papa to death as well as left behind the house. It is just recently residence to the Traverse Urban Area Film Celebration which uses a ton of pledge for delivering even more folks to the area on a continued manner. For the final 4 full weeks or so I have actually just click the up coming site been chomping at the little to get onto that starting product line at Kona Pier on Oct 13. Ive never ever before really felt thus fit and healthy in my lifestyle and the stress and anxiety of how much work I required to do in the course of the year to problem the body system for a perform at the title was changed through fear of making sure nothing at all made a mistake in those ultimate days. The web-slinger tries his greatest to aid all of them all, visiting the lab for authorities manifestations, the F.E.A.S.T facility for Might's shock birthday celebration party, and also various police properties that possess malfunctioning satellite towers.