#ive never heard this in my life but i fuck with it hardcore

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

So I’m listening through “Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge today for my walk down mcr memory lane, and these are my thoughts.

Ive listened to some songs on revenge unlike bullets in which I hadn’t listened to any of the songs previously, so most of these I’ve listened to repeatedly but some I haven’t listened to at all.

Helena: Absolute banger, absolute classic. A song I listen to frequently and it moves right through you. One of my personal favorites and for good reason. Not to mention it’s iconic music video. The chorus fucks hard just fucking great.

Give ‘Em Hell Kid: Ok this one is new to me. Funky guitar opening which I love from them. Oh fuck yea audio distortion tasty. This one absolutely fucks man. I love this vibe, It’s got a good pulse to it.

To The End: another one I hadn’t listened to yet. Oh this one is fun, vibes vibes huh 🏳️‍🌈. Marry me burry me huh, some 30 seconds shit lol. This one definitely feels like the music of the era, I like it. Not alot of thoughts, but I don’t have many in general.

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison: another new listen for me. Oh I love this vibe. Love the beat. Oh I love this, like I love the way this sounds. Also 🏳️‍🌈. Guitar is going apeshit yea this might be a new favorite.

I’m Not Ok (I Promise): Gay highschool dweeb anthem. I’m gay highschool dweeb 😞 (now in my 20s). Another one I listen to regularly and also one of my all time favorites. *Vibes as hell (*=🏳️‍🌈). Iconic Iconic iconic music vid. One of the most iconic openings. Just in general one of my favorite songs in like general not just by mcr. Man I need to rewatch the music vid again.

The Ghost Of You: 🫡. I listen to this one when it comes on, but not all the time. Rip Mikey. Opening part is very wibbly good brain feel vibes. Nice texture. Shit moves through you, let it rock you like the ocean.

The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You: another I hadn’t heard yet. Ooo good rhythm and the organ. Oh this one fucks. I dig this. Chorus really slaps. I like this one, maybe not love yet but It might grow on me, I’m definitely listening again for the chorus.

Interlude: 58 second interlude, never heard this either. Oh I like this. This is very pretty. Gorgeous ok let’s get our shit rocked by venom.

Thank You For The Venom: a personal fav like in my top 20 mcr songs. Guitar goes particularly hard and it’s fucks so severely. Actively headbanging. Hallelujah, lock and load is such a fucking vibe. Christ I love this one so much, I should listen to this more.

Hang ‘Em High: another new listen. Oh hell yea yehaw vibes and heavy guitar. Oh yes this fucks, this fucks HARD. I love cowboy vibes, I was raised on country radio so it’s like permanently ingrained in my brain. This one might be another new fav damn,

It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Deathwish: I’ve listened it a few times but not much. Really tasty opening guitar. It slaps really hard. Doesn’t quite fuck but does slap. This song really does embody the word “Vengance” tho, a good vibe you can rock to.

Cemetery Drive: I love this song so fucking much. Definitely in my top 20 of all mcr song ranking. I love this one to death, it’s just one I love the sound of the most. Slaps like hell. Way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, waaaaaay doooown.

I Never Told You What I Do For A Living: last song I hadn’t heard on the album. Masters of good guitar openings. Oh yea this fucks also vibes 🏳️‍🌈. Maybe not in the lyrics but this song feels gay. Yea I like the pulse of this one and it does fuck. It’s got that energy. Oh we screaming now fuck yea. Oh fuck oh hello vocals 😳. His voice just did things to my brain.

(Bonus) Bury Me In Black: this was on the playlist but wasn’t on the song list I pulled from Wikipedia. Ok another new listen to close us out. Oh damn distortion nice. Hardcore, this one rocks. Slaps hard hard. Is pretty good but maybe not a favorite.

Absolutely regret not listening to the full album sooner, a great listen and a fun time going through some of my old favorites again. My top 5 of the album would have to be…

1: Helena

2: I’m Not Okay (I promise)

3: Cemetery Drive

4:Thank You For The Venom

5:The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

6: (honorable mention) Hang ‘Em High (she fucks)

So I had a good time and can’t wait to get caught up on the rest of the music I missed. Next up will be the black parade which I’ve fully listened to already but feel free to send asks containing songs I might miss if they aren’t on the 4 main albums or conventional weapons. I might even do the solo stuff post breakup once I get through the albums

[sheepisreading]

Books I finished in Febuary 2023

The first three I grabbed at the same time at the boostore because I was bored and needed cheering up!

Naked, David Sedaris, 1997

This is an essay collection! I’d previously read Calypso by the same author and loved it. It’s a fun read, not hard to read or get into and doesn’t require too much concentration to read while still being very entertaining. I chose it as my next book for that reason, because I’ve been pretty fucking stressed recently and thought I could read it without spiralling. It worked! I loved it, it was funny and earnest, recounting amusing anecdotes and real learning moments. I love these kinds of essay collections heartfelt but self aware and comedic.

(Also, because I’ll probably never review it since I read it like six years ago: in the same vein I can only recommend Watsky’s essay collection “How to ruin everything”, probably even more than Naked! It’s I think less emotional or about emotions but I honestly loved it, it made me very happy, Watsky is awesome.)

Assembly, Natasha Brown, 2020

Fully picked this one up in the bookshop because the cover is pretty but after reading the blurb I immediately bought it. It’s fiction but clearly inspired by the authors life. The main character muses on her life so far and the decisions she’s made. It says clearly some shit that’s obvious but for some reason still an issue! The author clearly writes about the differences in class and upbringing between rich old money white people (her colleages) and hardworking new money black people (her). It’s about stuff we take for granted and casual racism. Very good ! It packs a punch in only a hundred pages.

Bluets, Maggie Nelson, 2009

Maggie Nelson writes “propositions” meaning short prose-poetry rambling-things about blue. I’m very into blue and gave a school presentation two years ago on the history of blue in art inspired by the vsauce video about it (which is amazing by the way, I rewatch it often), so I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. It’s good! Maggie Nelson writes beautifully about artists who have used the colour in the past (which is good inspiration) and her own relationship with blue, as well as with two people she cares about at the moment of writing. Her writing is absolutely beautiful! There is a lot of mention of romantic and physical longing which I cannot relate to, but that’s an issue I run into often and her way of discussing it remains interesting. It’s a beautiful book and its atmosphere stays with you.

The Nice House on the Lake vol. 1, James Tynion IV, 2021

Okay apparently the author is well known but I’ve never heard of him as I don’t really read comics and read like one graphic novel a year. As I understand it what I read (volume 1) spans the first six issues of the comic (out of 12). I grabbed it while browsing and loved the colours and was intrigued by the premise (having watched and thoroughly enjoyed Glass Onion not long before, I kinda thought it was a hardcore version of that, turns out: way more sci-fi shit in Nice House). I got home after my first day of internship, spent an hour doing jack shit and then picked this book up and read the whole thing straight. It’s amazing, there are fleshed out characters (some of them are queer yay), suspense, tension, emotion, it’s just really good! I will warn for like apocalypse, discussions of suicide and body horror though if that’s a thing you can’t go near! But if you can and are into weird sci-fi horror I recommend it! (I actually kind of like Walter I have to say, he just loves his friends !)

Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse, 1927

!!! My mum is a big Hermann Hesse fan and always advocated for me reading one of his books. I happened upon this one at the used book market and immediately bought it because I noticed someone had anotated parts of it which. Yeah. Anyways, a bit of a slow start with the introduction written from an outside perspective from the narrator of the remainder of the book but absolutely hang in there! It's absolutely amazing; reflections on selfhood and the way we choose to live or not live our lives, connections with others, finding joy and excitement. It really did exceed my expectations. I thought there would be too much romance talk for my taste but it's so beautifully written that it's not an issue at all. It left a mark on me, that's for sure, it's a really powerful book.

[hyenadon]

I've seen so many trans men just adore the barbie movie and i'm on that team too. And ive seen and heard them talk about how masculinity and patriarchy is this...it's a prison. It's a beautiful golden perfect prison. If you are seen as a cis man, particulalrly a white cis man who has no disability and no neurodivergence, you get everything. Everything. It's just fucking handed to you. You never worry about the pepper spray clipped to your keys. You've never even bought pepper spray. You don't even think about it, you don't have to think about it. And idk something about this movie maybe made me realize that I will never feel like a cis man. I will never feel like a man and maybe that's okay. Maybe I prefer that. But my connection to masculinity will always be through the lense of being trans and gay and having grown up as a little girl. I like my identity. I like who I am. But my identity will always and inextricably be tied to being a little gay and a little fruity. And I shouldn't have to just like. Abandon my history as a woman to call myself by he/him pronouns. I think my history of living life as a girl is important to me. also just tagging this back to barbie - the first experience barbie has in the real world is some hardcore sexual harassment. And I just wanna ask anyone who has ever been perceived as a woman - do you remember the first time you were ever threatened like that?

I do. I was twelve. I was twelve years old and a teenage boy screamed "i'll rape you in your dreams" to me when I was walking home from school. I was TWELVE YEARS OLD. That's wrong. that's just WRONG. jesus christ. can you just imagine offering that violence to a child? and like. I actually can't even imagine being a teenage boy offering that violence to someone. I don't want to be that. I don't like that. I feel deeply viscerally uncomfortable with the fact - the *fact* that men and masculinity are tied along with violence. And so this whole thing is making me think. This stupid little movie about dolls, this stupid, derivative, easy movie, about a fucking doll, it's making me think harder than I have in- god, i swear, years.

The brain is a muscle (it's not, it's an organ, but stay with me for the metaphor) and I am working it out so hard that my brain is so sore. I'm thinking about so much. I'm thinking about my own gender and how gender is inextricably linked to power dynamics. I'm also thinking about men and masculinity. I'm also thinking about how I need to read some more bell hooks. I'm also thinking about feminist pedagogy. i'm also thinking about how like. well. the movie did indeed feature many characters of color, the movie was still incredibly white, and therefore the movie is and will always be about white feminism. I'm thinking about how there is nothing I can do to fix it. The world. I can't fix it. It's wrong and awful and I can't fix it. I can't be a woman enough to fix it and I can't be a good enough man to fix it. There is something so wrong and broken about the world. I want to make it better. I can't.

I don't even know what to do or what to say. This movie gave me a boost in self confidence - that's great - but as I said to my bestie - I don't want that. I don't wanna feel smart. I don't enjoy this. Feeling smart means I am aware of how awful the world is. How incredibly prevalent misogyny is. Every second of every day is misogynist. Every movie. Every tv show. Every book. It's hatred. I mean. I like that I know i'm smart now, my Media Analysis Powers are turned the fuck ON (ive always known that my superpowers are just in analyzing media and writing. even when I am at my worst self hatey self, I know that I can think about fiction, and write)

but I want my media analysis powers turned back off. because it's *painful* to think about this. It hurts too much. Its only been a couple days and I am so, so tired.

being aware of the world and myself and my friends and the systems that oppress us. It sucks. i feel stabbed.

[exnihilo-comic]

hello zero. do you have a rec list of songs? a playlist?

ok, so theres no easy answer for this

idk how to describe my musical tastes. i guess i could put them in a 3-axis graph, like this, and just kinda let the artists fall where they may

ive always enjoyed obscure and acoustic indie artists, as well as weird and obscure rock bands and mainstream rock bands. im always scared to "actively" listen to music for some reason. ill just find something i like and then seek it out organically after listening it.

pink floyd - i used to listen to my mom's pink floyd CDs on my sisters stereo a lot. my mom bought them to entertain guests whenever her friends would come over for drinks. 'Animals' is my favorite, and i never got into 'Dark Side of the Moon' that much but i liked its themes. 'Animals' gives me feelings of being a kid and imagining what it's like to be an adult. if you look at the album art for 'Wish You Were Here' along with the art and lyrics in the CD booklet, it all gives a very futuristic machination feel and it unnerved me so much i didnt listen to it. it scared me. now i love it, and its my favorite PF album art. look up tattoos of it, its great.

the real tuesday weld - contender for my fav band. i own physical music from them more than any other artist. i saw the video for Bathtime In Clerkenwell as a kid on MTV and it blew me away (anyone who knows me knows i love animation + black and white + russian art). when i realized it wasnt just a video but a music video for a band, i went down this rabbit hole of the entire band and it made me appreciate weird electronic lounge music. this is what P!ATD tried to do but failed spectacularly. its music from the past if they had the tools of the future. i listen to their music and i feel like im dreaming, its ethereal. their last album they released (the next to last to be released) was called Dreams and thats what i feel when i hear them.

i think my fav songs lately are Let It Come Down (calming jazz lounge) Silicone (noir theme for two fucked up lovers) One More Chance (cabaret duet letter from Lucifer addressed to God). one of my fav videos is probably the one for Me And Mr Wolf (contains blood and cartoon violence) my popsocket is lifted right from the video. it looks rough, i know

the peculiar pretzelmen - i heard these dudes bc i was actually looking for music like TRTW. they describe themselves as "voodoo death stomp" and it reminds me i love sad angry folk music and bluegrass. you, yes you, specifically, notfredjohnson, ive told about them to before. i have listened to a LOT of their work all year and are my current go to for music to listen to during my drive to work.

rabbit foot blues - hardcore romp ode to those with nothing and everything

sing along - how do you accept that someone doesnt want to be in your life anymore? i guess sing a song

crazy man michael is an amazing heartfelt cover of a beautiful song from the 70s

other songs i tend to like a lot solely bc i REALLY like female vocalists. i just do, they carry so much pain and hurt in their voices that just comes natural to a female singing voice.

behind these hazel eyes by kelly clarkson, nobody's home by avril lavigne, im sorry i love you by the magnetic fields, sober by p!nk, the lions roar by first aid kit,

diamonds cutting diamonds by lydia ainsworth, waiting around to die by the be good tanyas, iron horse by mean mary, with me wherever i go by laurie lewis

theres so much more in so many weird and different genres so i think ill close with ein astronaut. heres turn, which im obsessed with (i fucking love accordion) and here he is doing vocals for WREN in she'd never know

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[tigerdrop]

king u gonna elaborate on virgin benrey

 listen i have kiryu “is 100% a virgin at the ripe old age of 37, and this is appealing to me instead of fucking hilarious″ kazuma disease and it has followed me here. also this kind of branches into a completely different kink at the end b/c i am diseased

so you know how i write "obviously fucks good and hard all the time" benrey. well........you know.......like..........what if......................he didnt. what if he was. what if he had never fucked before in his life and his incessant flirting finally works and hes like "i did not expect to get this far."

envision, if u will, the delightful awkwardness of virgin benrey + "has never had sex with a dude before" gordon

ive definitely brought up the possibilities of gordon going all science-brain on null benrey before but i think it works just as well on virgin benrey too. its a learning experience for both of them and if theres one thing gordons good at, its research. and gordon probably gets way too up in his own head about making sure he does this shit right and spends a lot of sleepless nights googling "how to have sex with dudes" and, you know, researching, 

if benreys not the one fucking babying him thru his first gay experiences he is probably going to bungle it so fucking badly and i think it would be really funny 

alternatively please consider gordon being so fucking neurotic about benrey never having done this shit before that he avoids the subject as hard as possible, thinking that hes gonna dick it up hardcore, but the whole time benreys just thinking "bro i havent had my dick touched in [however long hes been alive]. come on". the tension

furiously making out with him behind a fucking crate in black mesa and then realizing this is Going Places and gordons voice breaks as he says, way too loud, "I GOTTA UHHH GO RELOAD MY SMG. RIGHT NOW"

you think gordon is touch starved ? no. Hell with this 

Im just tsying theres no evidence hes been touched at all by another human being in his life before this. if hes video game in real he benrey noclip out of being touched 

what if he like, chooses not to noclip/not feel....ON that time gordon catches him. just cuz hes curious, a gay impulse. or maybe hes so surprised (and gay) he forgets to avoid it

and oh, to be in gordon freeman's gentle grasp. makes him into an unholy annoyance of awkward gayness for the rest of the series

YEAS.......also he has definitely thought hard about sucking gordons dick but doesnt actually have any idea how he would go about it. hes just heard its cool

giddy thinking about the scenario where its actually benrey whos terrible at sucking dick b/c hes never done it before and gordon who actually does suck dick like a champ

i know that this is literally the plot of the very first serious nsfw fic in this fandom but still. virgin beney. benrey getting sucked off for the first time in his entire life and shaking like a fucking leaf......

Power trip of Gordon realizing this guy whose been hitting on him the whole time has no idea what to actually do 

Gordon Freeman Gives Benrey A Prostate Exam

its a joke but its not a joke. virgin benrey being vaguely aware that being fucked by gordon freeman would be cool, in theory, but not fully conceptualizing of how you actually get a dick in your ass until gordons like "what?? no, dude, you cant just stick it in there" and gives him a demonstration and thats how benrey discovers he has a prostate 

benrey like "idgi man this just feels weird. when do we get to theohhh my god what. what that" and gordons like "what, u mean this?" (curls his fingers again) mean smirk hours

i want him to make a squeaky little noise when gordon says that and curls his fingers again, and gordon's like "ha- knew he'd like it" and keeps kneading him a while; but oops, suddenly benrey's coming with an even squeakier noise 

gordon's so surprised he just keeps going, hes like, not comprehending until benys whining at him to stop

a thought: benreys not good at "being human" and probably doesnt actually know whats supposed to happen when u nut so every time hes been jackin it he just does it until it starts to be Just A Little Too Much and then hes like "mission accomplished" and stops. imagine his fucking surprise when  gordons jerking him off and he doesnt stop and hes like "wh ha hu what the fuck i already got off bro" and gordon just stares at him and the distinctive lack of cum on his hand and s like ".......did you?  you sure about that one." 

tl;dr benrey squirming and babbling and digging his fingers into gordons back as he begs him to keep going, he doesnt know whats gonna happen and hes feeling totally overwhelmed b/c gordons pushing him further than hes ever been pushed and he keeps inadvertently trying to wriggle away b/c its So Much but gordon, maybe, pins down his hips so he can get benrey off For Real....... 

even better if its when gordons sucking him off for the first time so he can wrap his arms and hands around benreys thighs to keep them spread wide open and firmly in place 

knees shaking and thighs jumping constantly 

and benrey has no idea when its supposed to be over so he cant even warn gordon properly. he just keeps getting louder and louder....... 

maybe even.......completely hunched over gordon......pushing him down on his dick with his hands in his hair....... 

alternating between babbling "stop" and "dont stop" b/c hes stupid 

eventually gordon gets so sick of benrey not being able to decide whether he wants to shove gordon onto his dick or yank him off that he just pulls off and says "look, man, do you trust me?" b/c he would really like to just get benrey to stop edging himself here 

UNINTENTIONAL OVERSTIMULATION.......THE TEARS........HHHHHHH

and he eventually gets benrey to nod furiously at him that he trusts him and gordons just like, okay, im not gonna stop then. im gonna keep going. and.......he does 

eyes glazed, hair sticking to him with sweat, hips all twitchy, dick all red, face also all red 

sucking benrey dry until hes over sensitive....... 

He started off spasming then he’s rocking into Gordon’s face by the time he’s wailing his name. Panting and gasping like he’s fucking DROWNING 

gordon meanwhile almost nuts in his pants from the fuckin show that benreys puttin on for him and hes not even trying. hes just Like This. gordons got jerkoff material for the next month just thinking about the way benrey wails his name and clutches his hair tight 

benreys like (slurred) 'u gonna jack off or sumn.......was it not hot'. gordon fighting with every cell of his body not to scream "WAS IT NOT HOT?"

trying to decide what would be hotter: gordon jacking off while hes on his knees with his head resting on benreys thigh or jerking off on benreys stomach and.....r.......rubbing it in

benrey watching gordon cum and feeling a whole new context for it cause now he knows how good it feels and gets turned on again faster-

thinking.......about.......th. next time. now that benreys figured it out. he gives it a try on his own time and hes so surprised that it works that he goes up to gordon like "yo. check this out. i figured out how to jack it" and gordon has the most unimpressed look on his face imaginable 

"proud of you, buddy. am i good to go back to watching storage wars, or" "you wanna uhhh.....wanna see it maybe?" and that changes his entire tune

imagining benrey being so fucking bad at it still that he keeps doing the start-stop shit b/c its so intense and hes not used to it and the thing that actually gets him to finish is gordon, pants down to his knees and fisting his own dick like he might die tomorrow, leaning forward and telling him that hes got this, benreys gonna come for him, right? come for gordon? 

gordon fucking telling him "dont stop" WRT jerking himself off and benrey just listening to him and pushing himself is ruining my fuckin mind 

its a really good thought......i love how it plays into non-human benrey having to figure out human stuff........makes me crayz

probably keeps being sensitive for a long while too........ (mumbling very very quietly) and if hes so sensitive from never being touched before......maybe hes kind of........uhhh..................ticklish

new layers to the whole "oh my god its too much stop it" + "i actually dont want you to stop touching" thing .. . . .. . . . + gordon powertripping when he realizes whats going on with him and why he keeps jerking away and trying not to laugh when gordon touches him like on his stomach or his sides

benrey accidentally jerks too hard and knees gordon in the dick from how ticklish he feels just from like, hands on his sides or something

i was actually thinking about......like.......gordon laying on the ground and suffering (because why wouldnt i be thinking about gordon suffering) and deciding that enough is enough and offering to.......desensitize benrey. you know. for his own health

you know. uhhh. tying up his arms and legs, perhaps, and. you know. "do not noclip through these. i swear to god, benrey, if you kick me in the dick again" 

i'm think about benrey begging gordon to stop, so he does, to check if this is a Forreal stop or a "hahah nooo~" stop, and benrey asks him through gasps to keep fucking tickling him (except he just says smth to the effect of ."gh.. ....keep doing it dude wuhdah hell...") and gordon gets an evil fucking grin and just feels on top of the world "yeah?? think you can handle it, huh???" and just destroys him. benrey thinks about gordon's horny manic face for weeks 

neither of them had a thing for this before this point but the combination of feeling like hes being tickled and gordons hands on him for the first time making him mad horny gives benrey a brand new fucking fetish. gordons manic fucking face im so glad we are on the same wavelength about that

i truly hate my own posts. incurable. diseased

[hello-yue-here]

For the ask game:

tyzula

zukka

and that’s all I can think of now.

NOW WERE COOKIN

tyzula

i like it. i do. i think that if its well written and actually acknowledges how problematic azula and ty lees friendship was in the show and actively works to overcome that and grow from that then i enjoy it. but if its just written as a toxic ship or doesnt address all the shitty things azula did then its a no from me. i dont like toxic ships and in canon their friendship is INCREDIBLY toxic and while i love azula, in order for me to like a fic with azula in it and shes being portrayed as a “good guy” then youve gotta acknowledge what she did to make her evil in the first place. i hate when people gloss over the fact that she was an imperialist and was super manipulative towards people who were supposed to be her friends. in canon she was a horrible person and yes she was abused and yes she was just a kid and yes she did not deserve to be abused but that doesnt change the fact that she was still not a good person. i feel like theres a good amount of tyzula content out there that does an incredible job of addressing this and making sure they craft a good redemption arc for azula and depicts the relationship in a healthy way. other than that ive never had any issues with tyzula shippers and i do say that i ship them myself. ive hardly heard about any drama among peoppe who say tyzula is their otp and ship it hardcore (i have heard some toxic stuff tho so it isnt perfect but its also very rare for that kinda stuff to pop up on my dash) so at least from my understanding its a good fanbase a majority of the time. on a much more positive note i really enjoy their dynamic. i like how azula can be rough around the edges and very regal and proper and still bitchy and then ty lee is there to be bubbly and creative and bring joy into azulas life. i think they balance each other out well and in canon we can see very clearly how much they admire each other (despite the toxicity in canon). azula wishes she were more like ty lee and ty lee thinks azula is amazing and gorgeous. i think theyre a good pairing when done correctly.

zukka.

MY LOVES. i adore zukka. i think they have so many parallels in canon such as being over shadowed by their prodigy younger sisters, their insecurities, their profficiency in weaponry, their anxiety about following in their fathers footsteps (in diff ways obviously). i think their personalities mesh well together. dramatic dickhead zuko. genius snarky bastard sokka. i love them. and the content we get from zukka creators is SO GOOD. the art the fics everything. i love it so much. i personally relate very much to zuko in the sense that he has lots of anger and is dramatic and i relate to sokka a lot too in the semse that im sarcastic and smart and hide my emotions a lot and sometimes feel second best to my friends. i see myself in both of them and when i see them together being happy it makes me feel happy.

zukka fans on the other hand. there are good zukka fans out there. there are wonderful funny amazing zukka fans out there. but holy fuck the number of zukkas out there who conpletely fetishize the ship and strip away all of their character traits so they can make them into a weak little baby boy zuko and a suave macho man sokka (which btw are both racist characatures. if you havent seen all the poc on this app who have called these characterizations out then please please please reevaluate how ur interacting w zukka because not only is it so out of characfer for both of them. it is literally racist). and while there are so many good fics and fanarts for zukka, there is an OVERWHELMINGS number of racist, transphobic, biphobic, homophobic, and all around problematic content everywhere. and some fans are so toxic that it makes me rlly dislike being a zukka sometimes. i will always love the ship but sometimes i feel a little embarassed to be associated with it. i know that i do my best to stay far away from the toxic fans but it gets so frustrating sometimes. i know not every zukka is like this, literally all of my zukka mutuals are wonderful and amazing. but the amount of toxic fans is turning so many people off of the ship and causing people who genuinely enjoyed it to be turned off by it and its giving the good zukkas a bad name. im very upset by the reputation zukka fans have gained on this website from the toxic fans who antagonize other ships (primarily zks. i love zk. just because zks ship zuko with katara doesnt mean that its awful. toxic zukkas plz leave zks alone. so many of them are so nice. i know theres always toxic fans in every fandom and for every ship but like,,, its just so much easier to stay in ur own lane yk?). with that being said i love zukka as a ship but the fans have made it hard for many people to enjoy so sometimes its frustrating. but i love zukka. i think they are a wonderful ship and they are my favorite one in atla.

[bigskydreaming]

So this is definitely one of my least favorite things to do, because there’s so many people on here that need help, but if anyone has a couple bucks or a five they can spare, that would be an enormous help to me today. 

For those that know my situation, as far as I know, everything is still on track for me to have the lets-pull-all-twenty-eight - of-your-remaining-teeth-at-once-it’ll-be-fun! surgery on Tuesday. I’m reeeeally looking forward to it, and also the Month of Living Without Any Teeth At All while I heal and they figure out the fittings and everything for my bionic teeth or whatever. Everything about it sounds swell. Can’t wait, it’ll be great.

SO. The plan is for me to take the bus out to the desert on Monday afternoon, reenact some of the best scenes from Saw on Tuesday morning while under hopefully heavy sedation, with fingers and toes crossed that these doctors actually listen to me for once about my ridiculous metabolism making most anesthetics wear off super fast. Because. Ugh. Doctors literally never believe me about that which has led to some pretty not cool experiences in the past, but none of those experiences have been yanking out every one of my teeth by the root all in one go, soooooooo, if ever there was a time for them to think maybe I actually know what I’m talking about and make adjustments for that, I’m pretty sure I want this to be that time. 

Thanks to my keen intuition, I have predicted that this whole process is something I probably want to be deeply unconscious for, and during, and tbh, maybe a week or so after that too. But like, I’ll mostly settle for just not waking up when they’re only actually on tooth eight, you know?

If I seem like I’m babbling cuz I’m nervous, its probably cuz I’m babbling cuz I’m nervous. I’m so not kidding about unpleasant experiences with anesthetics in the past, so while this wasn’t actually my reason for making this post, while I’m thinking about it, if anyone wants to also maybe shoot a quick prayer-tweet over to whomever you might personally @ with that kind of thing, I would be super grateful for anything of that nature, like something along the lines of “Dear Merciful Higher Power/Universe/etc, if there’s any way you could see to it that Kalen spends most of Tuesday knocked the fuck out, that would be awesome, thanks!”

Its just, I’m kinda over being in excruciating pain all day every day, like, I gave it a shot, just don’t think its for me, I’m afraid I just don’t have what it takes to be a hardcore raging masochist or whatever, so I’m just really not looking to set any new personal pain records next week if at all possible.

ANYWAY, requests for spamming higher powers on my behalf aside, the other reason for this post is I only have $3 in my bank account and an appointment this afternoon whose co-pay is going to be $50. But I can NOT miss this appointment, its super critical. See, so, the other thing is, my jaw has decided its reached the point where it just doesn’t want to close at all anymore, so I’ve gone from only eating once a day to only eating no times a day, and since I’ve already lost an absurd amount of weight and muscle mass over the last two years because of all this shit, they’ve put me on a regimen of regular IV intakes or whatever that’s called, just to like....get the nutrients I need into me somehow, y’know?  

And especially with the surgery coming up on Tuesday, and my immune system all shot to hell and my various other Vitally Important By-Products of Eating Food levels are low enough to have my doctor using mostly just four letter words when reviewing my latest labs, they’re literally trying to pump me full of as much of the various Nutrients And Other Stuff IVs as they safely can between now and then. And as much as I’ve been pretty much going 24/7 trying to stay afloat with all of this, I just...did NOT budget for needing to be hooked up to an IV every other day because my fucking jaw picked now to level up on being an asshole and like, physically will not cooperate with my attempts to survive on cheap $5 a day meals. 

So instead this week its been $50 co-pays every other day, because apparently when your body for whatever reason literally can’t take in the cheap 7-11 snacks and Happy Meals you usually live off of because That’s How Being Poor Works, it makes total sense that the one and only alternative for keeping your body fueled is to go to this little clinic place that hooks you up like you’re at a gas station, except you’re some kinda pretentious European model that won’t accept any less than the top dollar diesel, because I guess even Bags of Nutrient Water gotta somehow manage to be name brand shit, because yay capitalism. Everything about it is just so efficient and logical and works so well, especially if you’re part of the 99%.

Anyway I’m TRULY sorry I’m all over the place with this, I haven’t taken my ADHD meds because swallowing is the Devil’s Work right now, and also I haven’t had my daily Bag of Nutrient Water yet so my brain is like no I will not be cooperating. To sum up, once I get to next week I’m all set, everything’s in place for the surgery, insurance, I have a place to recuperate, I even already have my bus ticket for Monday purchased, my specific monetary issue right now is I am literally down to my last $3, I am currently physically unable to chew my way through a full meal, so I’m literally just paying co-pays of $50 every other day to spend 45 minutes sitting in a chair while my body sucks life-sustaining nutrient water through a needle. 

That might actually be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said or heard said and yet its factually 100% true. Our world is so fucking bonkers, jfc.

Literally ANY help getting me to today’s appointment, would be amazing, and then I have one scheduled for Monday morning before I leave, if I can find a way to make that too. And tbh I don’t actually know if one is even an option for tomorrow yet because the clinic I’ve been going to so far isn’t open tomorrow and I’ve yet to hear back if my doctor found somewhere else to send me that I can actually get to. So who the fuck even knows.

So yeah, sorry for making you ping-pong your way through that mess, this is my brain on Empty, like I said, I haven’t had my Bag of Water yet today. But any help is appreciated, whether reblogs, donations or good-thought-tweets for me on Tuesday. I’m a big fan of any of the above. Even $2 or $5 gets me closer to what I need, and if you can’t spare anything or have already sent or are sending what you can spare to another donation post, I totally and completely understand. And again, even just....good thoughts for Tuesday would be awesome, and certainly can’t hurt. I’m not like, worried about the surgery or whatever, its pretty simple, its more just....extensive. And my only real hope or want for it is just keeping the Ow factor as limited as it can possibly be. Whether that’s from the doctors coming through with a good strong hit of the goofy juice or some higher power telling all my nerve endings to take a sick day or just sit this one out, I am so open to either or anything in between or even coming out of left field.

And now I’m done. Thank you. You’re all rockstars, or insert your genre of choice. In conclusion, capitalism sucks, eat the rich, and buy a  bi a bag of water today please. I’m pretty sure there’s a T-shirt slogan in there somewhere, but fuck if I can pin it down.If anyone else does, hey, go nuts with it. I’m literally a bi guy who needs to buy bags of nutrient water every other day right now. That’s so fucking dumb, someone’s gotta be able to milk some mileage out of it.

My Paypal:

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

Or if that link doesn’t work, try this one instead:

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme2/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

My Ko-fi page: https://ko-fi.com/kalenp

[theycallmegothboy]

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

[sasoriapologist]

Could you help me? I've never heard of fictives, and introjects before, but I strongly identify with it. I like to see myself as Deidara, but I am myself too, it's hard to explain.. And I ship Sasodei with all my heart, I love to see them together! But I love Sasori so much! He's my comfort character, and if I could make him real I'd love to be with him, marry him literally, but I'd marry him not as myself, but myself as Deidara. Does that make me a fictive/introject? Sorry if I don't make sense

i was wondering when i was gonna get a question like this. In short: No, what you’re describing is a lot more adjacent to fictionkin.

A fictive/fictional introject is a type of alter in a DID or OSDD system. “Fictional introject” is the technical term for it, and “fictive” is the shorthand. So you’ll see me use them interchangeably. If you don’t have DID or OSDD-1a or 1b, you cannot have fictives. A lot of people compare it to kinning but like, Extreme Mode, and I understand why people do this, but it’s really not the same thing. It doesn’t help that there was a phase in time where the kin community was trying to appropriate the terms of people with DID/OSDD and tried to act like it was the same thing when it’s not.

So basically, what I have is a serious psychiatric condition. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (I’m professionally diagnosed, in case anyone wants to give me hell about it), and I’m an alter that... is Deidara. that’s just who i am. I’m this brains iteration of Deidara. I’m not just a fictionkin who identifies with Deidara in one way or another. That is just literally objectively who I am. I originally split off as a protector for the old host, since she did kin me (but she didn’t really realize she did at the time bc she was like... 10 and didn’t know that was a thing but looking back we’re like “yeah lmao u totally kinned me”) and saw me as a “stronger version of herself”, and she was going through a LOT of messy shit at the time. since then, ive moved on to being the primary host.

In case anyone doesn’t know this: the concept of an “original person” isn’t always something someone with DID or OSDD has, and who the host is can change over time. The “host” alter is just the alter who fronts the most and kinda has the most control of the systems life at the time. That’s me! that’s what i do anymore. I used to consistently cohost with the old host for the most part of almost ten years, but something happened in the last year that made her kinda. step down. and now this hell brain is MY fuckhouse lmao.

That all being said, most of us in this system have spiritual beliefs, and the old host particularly hardcore identified as a Pagan and witch. She believed we did collectively have past lives and I was one of them, and I do kinda find comfort in that thought sometimes? i’m not nearly as much of a spiritual person to the same extent as her, but like. i like the thought. not everyone here agrees that they were in some sort of past life of the body tho.

But yeah, what you’re describing sounds 1000% like fictionkin, which is a WHOLE other can of worms. There���s so many fucking ways people describe what kinning is anymore that I don’t even know what to tell you lmao. Some people kin for spiritual reasons a lot like the “past lives” belief, some people kin for fun or to cope with mental health struggles/trauma, there’s all kinds of reasons. You might see fictionkin referred to as “kinnies”, which is just joking shorthand i guess. You may see similarities between the described experiences of fictionkin and the described experiences of fictives/fictional introjects, but rest assured they are not the same thing.

Unfortunately, kinnies have actually had a long history of treating fictives like shit and trying to one-up us, which is weird as fuck and vaguely ableist. Not all kinnies do this, but it’s been. Something I‘ve definitely noticed over the years. I cant usually be around Deidara kinnies because they’ve treated fictives like such ass and tried to invalidate me, which has sent me into days long derealization episodes because they’re trying to prove they I’m not me, and they’re more me than I will ever be, which is horrendously triggering. And they don’t seem to understand WHY that’s fucked up to do to a fictive because they think it’s somehow on the same level of experience.

So yeah, that got extremely long and probably has a lot more information than you were asking for, sorry. I just wanted to be thorough. Sounds like you’re definitely a Deidara kinnie, babe. I’m more than fine w people who kin me, so long as they don’t pull that weird shit like the other ones do. Per my experience, people who kin me are either absolute fucking demons about it or angels and there’s no in between 😔

[miserybegins]

geez how long have you been an mcr fan??

um a friend introduced me to wttbp and flw in late 2006 (7th grade for me) and i instantly fell in love with the songs but this was prior to me like. being interested in delving into muscian’s work outside of what was on the radio or whatever. probably partially because i had never found anything that made me nearly as interested as i ended up being in mcr. anyway then sometime in 2007 i found teenagers on my own while watching mtv after school (which i wasnt really allowed to watch but no one was home) and i asked my friend the next day if she had heard teenagers and she said no and i was like wow this is my own cool little secret and anyway i loved those three songs but still never delved any deeper until the next year in 8th grade, march 2008, i went on gaia on the forums and found the mcr thread and i saw people talking about their fave songs and people kept mentioning helena and i was like oh ive never heard of that maybe its good but i didnt listen to it i just posted that i had heard those three songs and i really really loved them. and um. i got death threats lol. they told me i couldnt post there cause i wasnt a real fan if i only knew those three. people were so fucking mean. but like. i read these death threats and i just downloaded the black parade and listened to it in full on my bed and thats like. the defining moment of my whole life. everything changed. nothing had ever made me feel that way and i dont think ive ever experienced something as moving as the first time i listened. to that album. i listened to that and nothing else on repeat for over a month. which led to me wanting to know everything possible about them and joining forums and etc.

anyway you didnt ask for my origin story. the answer is i have been listening for over 13 years but just hit my 12 year mark this month of being like. a hardcore fan. the grind really dont stop.

[flamegatorwrites]

Feel (BruAbba oneshot)

Warnings: PART 5 SPOILERS, angst, death

A/N: ok hi so i wrote all of this in like 2 hours so im sorry if its trash. ive been hardcore vibing with bruabba lately, and ive needed to vent, so this was sort of a 2 in 1 combo haha. also uhh part 5 spoilers so if you havent gotten past like episode 28 then leave unless you want it spoiled for you.

Dealing with loss was always something Bruno was good at. He had to be; not only for himself, but now that he was promoted to capo, he had to stay strong for Passione- well, what remained of it.

Narancia had finally tired himself out. He was inside of the turtle now, leaving only Bruno and Giorno outside on the boat. They were on their way to the Colosseum, where the man in the computer told them to go. He still didn't fully trust whoever it was, but it was a hell of a lot better than sitting back and doing nothing. Worst case scenario, it turns out to be a stand user.

He didn't want to admit to the others that he didn't trust the man. He didn't even want to be around the others. Usually, dealing with the loss of a loved one, he'd been alone. He'd been able to pick himself back up and grieve fairly easily. Now that he was the sole guardian of literal children, it wasn't exactly the same. Not only did it hurt to watch them grieve over someone closer to them than their own families, it hurt to lose the man he considered the love of his life.

Bruno always considered him an attractive man. Leone Abbacchio, one of the most esteemed police in Italy. He and Bruno never interacted during Abbacchio's days as a cop, but Bruno always found himself admiring him- from his work ethic, to his sense of justice, and even his looks. But as everyone knows, as beautiful as Italy is, everyone in charge was cruel and corrupt- and willing to kill. Soon, Leone became what he hated the most. After his partner died, he retired. His life went down the drain, he became an alcoholic, and he gave up on everything- including that sense of justice that Bruno loved so much.

Eventually, Bruno decided to shoot his shot. He only had one man on his team, and that wasn't enough to achieve his main goal. Besides, he'd always wanted to talk to him anyways, so why not start then?

He was a little hard to convince at first. He wouldn't even open the door. Bruno would've thought he was dead if he hadn't seen the curtains beside the door move.

Every day for almost two months, Bruno would come by to check on him. Sometimes he would bring fresh food, other times he would simply listen to Leone, allowing him to vent to someone who wouldn't judge him. Eventually, he decided to join Passione, and he moved in with Bruno.

It was only meant to be platonic. Sure, Bruno did find him attractive, and he may have developed a crush. But it would pass, he kept telling himself. Abbacchio relied on him, he trusted him. What would he think if Bruno turned around and shoved all of his feelings down his throat? Bruno didn't even know if he felt that way about other men, let alone himself.

One night, though, that changed. He'd been living with them for around 4 months by then, and it was around two in the morning. Bruno was awakened by Fugo and Narancia shaking him firmly. 

"What's wrong?" Bruno yawned. It wasn't until he heard the screaming that he got up and ran out of the room, the younger boys trailing behind.

"Narancia, search the area! It's late, so nobody-"

"Bucciarati, I already have!" 

"Well do it again, damn it!" He growled, bursting into Abbacchio's room. He was screaming as if he'd been stabbed, flailing wildly about his bed. 

"Go!" he yelled at the boys. Narancia summoned Aerosmith, running back down the hallway, and Fugo glared at him.

Bruno kneeled down beside the bed. He looked for any blood on the sheets, any sign that someone had broken in, but he found nothing. He wasn't hurt- he was having a night terror. 

"Leone," he said, lightly shaking the older man's arm. "Leone, wake up."

He sat up immediately, his silver hair clinging to his neck and forehead. He coughed, loudly, clutching his sweaty t-shirt. 

"Fugo," Bruno called, "I need a glass of water!"

He didn't bother to listen for his footsteps down the stairs. Instead, he only focused on Abbacchio. He was silent, except for his heavy breathing. Bruno sat on the bed beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Abbacchio trembled under his touch. The expression on his face could only be described as pure emptiness. The tears in his eyes began to fall down his cheeks, trailing some of the leftover eyeliner from the night before with it. 

Bruno wiped them away with his thumb, then pushed his stray hairs behind his ear. Fugo appeared beside them with the glass of water, holding it out for Abbacchio to take.

"Grazi," Bruno whispered, as Abbacchio grasped the cup. "I'm sorry for being so rude earlier, I hope you and Narancia can forgive me."

"It's alright, sir," Fugo sighed. "Should I tell Narancia to go back to bed?"

"That would be great," Bruno smiled. "You go ahead and get some rest too. We'll have an easy day tomorrow, so you can sleep in as long as you'd like."

"Thank you, Bucciarati."

Fugo trudged out of the room and called for Narancia. Bruno turned back to Abbacchio, who'd drank most of the water. He sat the glass down on the bedside table. He wasn't as sweaty anymore, and his breathing had returned back to normal, but he was still shaking.

"I thought something happened to you," Bruno sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what the hell I'd do if you got hurt-"

"Bruno," Abbacchio whispered, his voice hoarse and shaky. "I'm so sorry. I'm okay."

"No you're not, Leone."

"It's been so long…" his voice broke. He began to sob, his quiet tone slowly getting louder. "It's been months since he died and I still have nightmares about it! Every fucking night all I can see is his face. It's all I can fucking think about!"

"Leone, it's alright-"

"No, it's not fucking alright, Bruno!"

He buried his face in Bruno's chest. Bruno embraced him, taken aback by the sudden contact. Abbacchio was not a hugger. Hell, he hardly even spoke unless it was with Bruno. 

Fugo and Narancia peeked into the doorway. Bruno waved them off, hoping they would just go back to bed. They gave in and left, still eyeing the two older men suspiciously. 

"Bruno," Abbacchio whispered, "Please don't leave me."

"I won't."

"I just… I just need you with me. You're the only person that understands."

"Leone," he sighed. "It's okay to hurt. It's okay to feel. I'll always be here for you."

Abbacchio sat up and his eyes met Bruno's. Bruno stared in awe. He never noticed how beautiful his irises were. They were golden and rimmed with a light purple, almost like a ray of sunlight shining through the darkest storm clouds you'd ever seen. It was beautiful- he was beautiful. 

It's okay to feel.

His own words repeated in his head. Bruno leaned back on the bed, Abbacchio joining him. After some adjusting and moving around, they found themselves in a comfortable position. Abbacchio laid his head on Bruno's chest, his long hair flowing around them like a waterfall. Bruno ran his fingers through the silver locks, and Leone almost immediately relaxed. 

Bruno stayed up to make sure Abbacchio fell asleep. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he began to lightly snore.

And it stayed like that. That's how they slept almost every night until today.

"Bucciarati."

He was pulled out of his trance by Giorno. The blond was now sitting beside him, a hand on his shoulder. Mista was on the other end of the boat beside the motor, feeding the pistols some chips. He was silent, which was new to everyone. Mista always had a smartass comment waiting to come out, but he wasn't even looking up at the other two.

"I think you should go into the turtle. Mista and I can keep watch."

"Why do you say that?" Bruno asked. "I'm fine."

"Sir, please," Giorno sighed. "I know how it feels to lose someone close to you. You need to rest, you've been working hard enough as it is."

"I'm fine," Bruno snapped. "I'm not going to take orders from someone lower in the gang than me- especially someone who only joined this gang three days ago."

"I-I'm sorry, sir, I j-"

"Don't 'I'm sorry' me! You don't even know how I feel right now. You'll never understand this!"

"Sir-"

"I lost someone who I'd planned my entire future with! I lost the love of my life, and you don't even understand how I feel! You don't understand how any of us feel. If it weren't for you, I'd still have him here! He hated you! I should've listened to him!"

Giorno sat in silence, staring down at his shoes. Bruno knew he'd regret saying all of that- his and Abbacchio's relationship had been kept private from the other members, and for a good reason, too.

"I'm going into the turtle," he mumbled. He decided to get in before either of them could say anything about his rant. He knew he had to get it together before the others woke up. He couldn't act like this in front of them- he was their capo, they looked up to him, they respected him. He couldn't feel this way around them.

Then, he heard those words running through his head that he'd told Abbacchio all those years ago-

It's okay to feel.

[ottorocket808]

Chapter Nine: The Gate

Ahhh!!! Their reunion is so fuckin cute and sweet and here comes Hop to fuck it all up. What would give you the indication that he would be mad at El? She wanted to see him she did go see him and you threw a fucking hissy fit. YOU got in the way all he wanted was to know she was safe he would’ve done anything to know that she was alive. I’d be pissed at him too you let me believe she was dead for a year and you want me to understand?

Aww group hug!!! She noticed Dustin’s teeth! No more purring Dustin we do this in the mirror before a date or dance. Skip Max not sure if that was leftover from seeing them at school or because she doesn’t already know her. Joyce with that motherly love she’s been lacking. You already know she’ll let you see him you saved his life. We have our final puzzle piece to close the gate.

Karen... why did you answer the door like that? Billy stop flirting with married women that’s how you get shot! I always hate that line obviously older woman I didn’t know so and so had an older sister heheh lame ass line Karen you thought he was here for Nancy meaning that you can tell he’s young control your hormones. Todd only pays bills there he can’t be slangin pipe with any type of accuracy if she’s being this obvious with a child.

Now ain’t the time Dustin. STOP UNDERESTIMATING HER!! She destroyed your cabin without even trying she’s the one who opened the gate in the first place if anybody can close it it’s El. It’s interesting that it took this long to connect that dot

Fuck you mean you not leaving Mike?! You did it earlier for a day and a half and before anybody says anything about her not knowing she didn’t even ask. Steve you were never a shit boyfriend she played with your heart because she didn’t want to be alone if she couldn’t have Jonathan and she should’ve said something to that effect instead of letting you feel like it was you.

Dammit Hop can’t you let these kids be cute together for a minute without you interrupting?!

Yup that mild coronary you’re having because she hitchhiked home you deserve but you can tell that she learned and grew a lot since she left she needed to leave regardless because of what happened while she was gone. I get it Hop but if you hold too tightly you’ll kill her spirit and she’ll resent you instead of loving the safety you provide.

Bitchin’

Dammit Dustin we just wasting good food? After all this if they just set it on fire I’d be pissed. That thing is stupid slimy it sounds disgusting.

Just let him pace in peace he literally just found out she’s alive and now she’s tossing herself back into the fray with hundreds of Demodogs runnin loose anybody would be worried especially when you have to sit on your hands and hope that everything goes ok.

This is the start of a trend with Max that pisses me off El isn’t a pack mule or a work horse yes she’s strong as shit but she bleeds just like the rest of us backup and assistance ain’t ever been a bad thing when fighting a war.

It ain’t a fact until it happens. Here comes Billy!! ‘If he finds out I’m here he’ll kill me, he’ll kill us.’ Proceeds to post up in the window where he can clearly see her?! The sucker punch was a bitch move Hargrove.

I’m pretty sure that part of the reason that he doesn’t want Lucas around Max is that it’s hard to control someone with friends if I know you have nowhere to go you won’t sneak out and if she does it’d be to the arcade which is probably closed by now so she’d be on her way back if she wasn’t here. Will he actually strike her is my question he says he’ll kill her will he really? Or is she just being dramatic not wanting to get in trouble for sneaking out?

Another trend is that they don’t help each other literally one has to be being beaten half death before anybody moves to help.

It really seems like the hype of Steve got to Billy way more than Steve himself did. I’ve never heard Steve refer to himself as King Steve other people do that. Screaming that Billy’s gonna kill him is so far from helpful it’s painful. How much of that shit is lethal she could kill him. It doesn’t really work like that Max if his dad says come get you because you snuck out of the house again he has to collect. What the hell is Billy supposed to tell Neil when he finally wakes up? His dad doesn’t seem like the type to accept failure.

Ok isn’t the word I would use determined is better.

I would freak the fuck out too she’s 13 and driving a car with me in it while not actually knowing where she’s going and speeding down a dark road with a box on the gas pedal because she can’t actually reach it.

That high pitched scream was for sure Lucas.

They’re heating the woods around the house too because the windows need replacing because Hop made a El cry like a big ass bully.

Well Steve he has a point.

Mama Steve makes a good point too.

It kinda pissed me off seeing Hop out El to the Doc at the drop of a hat he could forge a birth certificate and drag her to another lab and it would be his fault for trusting the wrong person.

The inflammed Butt Hole strikes again people should really stop shining light at it. How did it get in your mouth past your mask? Where the hell did they get this equipment??

Jonathan would let The MindFlayer live in his brother indefinitely Joyce wants it out and she wants it out now. Jonathan doesn’t have a do whatever it takes mindset and he would’ve messed everything up. He was quick to turn that heater down but Joyce is currently being choked and I hear him say ‘mom!’ But see no hands entering the frame to help her.

We will never speak of this Mama Steve.

In an interesting twist Nancy saves his moms life. I wonder if Will has a scar because of that. So nobody wondered where the inter dimensional blac smoke went?

RUN BABIES AND MAMA STEVE RUNNNNNN!!!! Protect your baby Mama Steve!

It’s like they don’t even realize they’re there maybe it’s a priority thing El is the more pressing threat so even though they’re in pain gotta stop her.

She’s damn near face to face with it and even though she’s disintegrating his tentacle he’s still trying to take her over and stop her. Even though a lot of people didn’t like The Lost Sister Chapter it helped El to boost her power using her own pain and anger therefore helping her close this massive gate my baby is growing up and she’s so strong I’m so proud.

Sweet El/Hop moment I still don’t like him but he means a lot to her.

Hawkins lab is closed but vulnerable. Again if this was real Nancy would’ve destroyed her entire family. But it’s a plot line so I let it go.

Hey Hop her name is Jane Ives you didn’t actually adopt her this still really feels like kidnapping.

Aww it’s Snowball time

Will learning to dance is adorable, I don’t think Mike will ever like forced pictures, Lucas is gonna toss Erica out the window and Max looks cute Billy looks kind of lost he needs to learn proper communication gotta get that hair right Dustin.

Steve is the big brother we all wish we had. Dustin is a dork and I love him. Don’t be talking about my baby’s Steve inspired mullet. She enjoys torturing this boy. I don’t think calling someone Zombie Boy is a good way to show interest Will looked scared and he’s been to The Upside Down. I still wanna fight these girls he’s a sweet kid a bit of a dork but he is a good guy and they made him cry. This is the best thing Nancy does all season. ‘Girls this age are dumb.’ You led your 1st boyfriend on for a year still dumb.

Hardcore RIP BOB moment.

This song is so damn creepy. They are like puppies in love it’s adorable look at them go ah it’s so sweet. And now I’m pretty sure the creepy song is for The MindFlayer being gigantically creepy in The Upside Down.

[domesticangel]

Black cat, coffin, enchanted, potion and vampire?

im gonna warn y'all now but i really got to rambling for some reason SO.....

black cat: favorite urban legend?

I'm biased bc of where i grew up but probably the black sisters!!! (as in like, the actual real women, virginia wardlaw, caroline martin, and mary snead. not the ones from fuckin harry potter ajfhjhfjds). the town i was born and raised in is actually where everything to do with them went down and for most of my life ive lived within walking distance of the place they allegedly haunt; we all call it the old middle school to differentiate it from the new one built not far from it but it stands on the grounds of the academy the black sisters taught at in the early 1900s. i drove past it almost every day this summer bc its only a little ways down the road from my moms house!! basically everyone who grew up there heard bunches of stories about them and apparently a lot of people have experienced tons of paranormal shit in the old school that they attribute to the black sisters haunting the place. i would figure a lot of its embellished bc while what they did was real (they basically murdered a bunch of people for insurance money) the urban legend part of it is all the stuff that people speculated that they did. a popular belief in town is that they murdered and sacrificed infants and kept their skulls hidden away in the ground the old middle school is on now and other satanic shit, but idk about all that. one of them is still buried in a cemetery in town but iirc the marker was removed bc people were vandalizing it but someone told me at one point it said something creepy like “she's not dead.” anyway even though it freaked me out as a kid hearing all the different stories about them over the years always fascinated me lol

coffin: have you ever had a paranormal experience?

well. its not terribly interesting but whenever i get asked this the only thing that comes to mind was something that happened when i was maybe 10 or 11 that may very well have not been paranormal at all, but... that was when we lived out in the boonies so we always had a couple indoor/outdoor cats for mousing. one had recently died bc my mom accidentally ran her over in the driveway, she was a black cat that my brother had named shadow (he was really good at names; one of our cats, who had whiskers, as she was a cat, was named whiskers. one had stripes like a tiger. his name was tiger. we got a long haired cat after that. fluffy, she was christened. etc.). at this point we had already gotten another cat to replace her (the aforementioned fluffy) bc tiger and whiskers were kind of older and lazy and not very good at their only job. so anyway I'm in my parents bedroom on their bed watching tv and to the left of their bed was their bathroom. i suddenly hear a thumping sound coming from the bathroom and i look over to see that the bathroom door is cracked open maybe like 3-5 inches, and theres some kind of like....small black mass jumping up at the door from the inside of the bathroom, and i remember immediately thinking that it looked how a cat does when its jumping up to catch or smack at something, and initially I'm like whatever, its probably one of our cats. but then i remember shadow is dead, i don't know where fluffy is, and tiger and whiskers were outdoor only cats. and fluffy was a tortoiseshell, so while she was on the darker side she wasn't black, and whatever i saw was BLACK black, like, solid black. in my memory at least. so i go bolting out of the room to tell my mom i saw something, and ofc she just thinks i was imagining things bc i was just a kid and she's a hardcore skeptic, etc. and it was when i ran out into the main part of the house that i saw fluffy sitting outside on the porch meowing at the sliding glass door, so i can only assume at the time that it wasn't her that i saw. nowadays I'm sure theres a million ways to explain it away but like i say i still remember it very vividly to this day so. who's to say!

other than that theres been a time or two where ive taken photos of old buildings that came out with those weird orb things, but idk if I'm entirely convinced that it wasn't just dust on the lens, bugs that flash picked up, etc. ive never really been sure if i believe in paranormal stuff one way or the other bc it seems equal parts hard to prove and hard to disprove so? idk. but i avoid it just in case fkghdsjighdj

enchanted: what fictional character scares you most?

this may seem kinda weird but did y'all ever read those scary stories to tell in the dark books? the fucking illustrations in those books freak me out to THIS DAY, at 22 goddamn years old i still refuse to look at them dfghdjfg anyway there was ONE story in there that always really scared me. you bet your ass I'm not gonna look up which one it was for fear of having to see the pictures but any time i get that weird feeling on the back of my neck like somethings following me up the stairs or out of a dark room its the thing in that story that i still picture. oh shit i think maybe the story was actually called the thing!!!!! or something like that??? but yeah. That Guy

potion: favorite horror movie?

hmmmm i don't watch a lot anymore tbh in middle school me and my friends’ favorite thing to do during sleepovers was rent scary movies from blockbuster and watch them at night but a lot of them kinda sucked even though they were fun to watch at the time gfshldljghdij i guess in terms of like. being well made and interesting and genuinely scaring me....the new it movie maybe? it did its job so well that i literally never wanna see it again so thats about as best i can rate them lmao

vampire: are you afraid of death?

well. i kinda like living. so. i reckon! I'm not sure what happens after and I'm pretty sure the not knowing is why most people fear it, so there you have it!

[californiadreaminghq]

Oh good, you made it!

Did you guys know Ky was coming? They brought Vance deLery, The Ghost! And just on time! Grab a drink, find a spot, and make sure you finish everything on the checklist. The band is just getting started – you have 24 hours to send in your account! We’re so glad you’re here!

I. OUT OF THE STUDIO

NAME/ALIAS: Ky

AGE: 28

PRONOUNS: they

                                                 II. ON STAGE

NAME: Vance deLery

FACE CLAIM: Ben Barnes

AGE: 35

TITLE: The Ghost

DREAM: Somebody

OCCUPATION: Guitarist/Vocalist for Indigo Dusk

                                               III. INTERVIEW

Answer the following questions in your character’s voice:

If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be?

“Make music. That’s why I’m here, that’s - it’s what I’ve been tryin’ to do all my life. Since I was old enough to know a note, man.” Not an exaggeration; his ma used to laugh, looking at all those polaroids she’d pinned up. Some beaming, black-eyed baby pawing at the keys of the piano in that schoolroom where she did her lessons. This kid perched on the bench, hand-me-down dress shirt tucked in nearly to his knees, crisp white cotton hanging off his skinny shoulders as he played his first something-like a recital. Keep going, sweetheart. Everybody’s gonna listen, you’ll see. Vance sighed, brushed his hair back. “Yeah, just - music. I want to make it, and share it with people. That’s what it’s for.”

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

“It’d be warm, I’ll tell you that. Can’t handle the cold. Bad for playing in.” He flexed his hands, callused - by steel strings, sure, but busting out license plates, too, nowadays. “Warm. But, like… nice, you know?” A kind of heat that wasn’t so brutally bright, so strong that it’d crush the breath from your chest. Not that thick, sticky sort of warmth he’d grown up in. “Somewhere with real beaches. Soft sand for miles… I mean, California’s great and all, but… gets crowded, man.”

What is one thing that makes you different than anyone else?

“Ah… shit, give me a minute, there…” Experience made him sound like an asshole, didn’t it? Everybody was out there experiencing, all the time. Just, maybe, when it came to the sort of experience people sang about - how many of them had lived all of that? Especially these young things, coming up. Young things. Christ almighty, when did he get old? “I, uh - I’ve done this before. All of it, I’m… I’m doing it again, my second go around.” He nodded, took a deep, steadying sort of breath. “That’s the dream, at least, just… this time, I’m gonna do it my way. Like Frankie said.” Just like that.

                                               IV. BACKSTAGE

BEHIND THE MUSIC:

Vance, he could charm the birds from their trees, the girls right out of their bedroom windows - some of the guys as well, even if it was just their eyes saying so. All it took was a few chords off that beat-up guitar, a couple songs, that crooked smile. He had a certain style, and a sound, but… did he have what it took, to make it big? On his own, he might never have had the confidence to go chasing stars. But he had the boys, pulling him along in their twanging, roaring wake: fellow odd-one-outs around their little town, thick as thieves. There was the frontman, The Fortunate Son, howling himself hoarse out where he could strut his stuff and drink in the crowd. The drummer, The Peace Train - he hit things, hit ‘em at the right time, despite the metric shit-ton of weed he burned through. Their bassman, The Hard-core Troubadour, he didn’t have tricky fingers, but he had rhythm. That’d do. At least, when you had Vance handling the fancy slides and such.

They called themselves the Diamondbacks. Sounded badass, and upscale. So the argument went. Vance, he didn’t see much need to be any of that. That frontman had a way of convincing people, though. Vance, especially. Those heady summer days, passing a joint around by the river, made it real easy to see the light. Their music was good, and it was something else, part of that swell of southern rock n’ roll sound. Those songs they knocked around could be in. Just had to make sure the right people heard them.

First, the Diamondbacks had to get the hell out of Pine Bluff. As soon as possible. None of those boys had any real reason to stick around, no roots they weren’t ready to sever. Vance, he was still missing his mother, her car t-boned by a drunk the spring after she got him that third-hand Fender he lugged over to every practice. His father, he kept a closer eye on the beers in his fridge than he did on his son. But Mr. deLery made sure his boy knew how to take a punch. Did he ever. When the band finally rode off into the sunset, Vance was nursing a broken nose in the backseat - God, though, he’d never laughed so hard. Fuck the whole state. They were going to California.

Beyond there, the plan got a bit hazy. The financing, especially. None of them had much more than a crumpled pocketful of savings. That and a few bucks here and there from gigs was enough to squeak by on, but they hadn’t come all that way to squeak. They wanted to shine. That took cash, though; for new shirts, new drumsticks, the occasional haircut. And the drinking. And the dope, which flowed pretty freely in the big city. The Diamondbacks needed cash on their way to the top. As usual, that singer figured out the answer. He’d met a guy who could use some people. A real cool guy, into real cool things. Like acid, pills, heroin. Just needed a hand moving a little something, now and then, here and there. Vance didn’t like it, but. The Fortunate Son, the tightest friend he’d ever had, was telling him how they were going to save their band. So, Vance listened. It’d be okay, he got promised. It’d be better than okay.

And soon, it was. That cool guy had cool friends, as it turned out, and those cool friends had cool parties. After showing up at a few of those, the Diamondbacks were reading over a record deal, signing on the dotted line. The rest, as they say, is history. There was a promising first album, then, quickly, a record-smashing second, and a third that the radio just loved. Then, trouble. That fourth record spun apart as the band got lost in being bigshots. Vance, never as comfortable being the centre of attention as The Fortunate Son, never as incredibly high as The Peace Train, never as cool and collected as The Hardcore Troubadour, could feel himself burning away in the limelight. He drank to sleep, snorted to wake up. Started to find other things to do, in between. The pressure made him jittery, on and off the stage, and it didn’t help any that that cool friend kept calling. The guy didn’t like to hear no. Said he had strings to pull, if he had to. Going on tour was just such a swell method of distribution, and the money didn’t hurt the band any, did it? The Fortunate Son wasn’t worried. So, Vance tried not to be. He really did.

It all went to hell so fast. One day, they were on top of the fuckin’ world. Next, everybody was going down for possession, intent to distribute. Everybody, or somebody. So said the lawyer The Fortunate Son’s panicked parents had called in. They wanted to make an example, here. One would do. A sacrifice, for the rest of the band, but. With good behaviour, out in no time. Vance would do it. Right? Vance could give the judge those big doe eyes, get off easy. A nice cushy stint in county. It’d be nothing, and the rest of them, they’d fix up that album and keep going, for his sake. Then he’d be back, soon, and… The Fortunate Son, he was half-hysterical. All Vance could say was yes. For his best friend, for the band. It’d be nothing.

Only, that lawyer wasn’t so good as he figured he was. Vance was thrown a dime and a half in San Quentin, a week shy of his twenty-second birthday. Example made.

The band visited, for a while. Prison wasn’t kind, but Vance, he’d grown up keeping his head down. Withdrawal didn’t make it easier. Neither did the visits, honestly. Watching the band break down, from the outside - that stung. That was his life, what he took this long, long fall for. Gone. The days blurred together, a smear of grey concrete, grey food, grey sheets, and the odd, red burst of blood. He watched his hands, playing his way through old songs every night, tapping his fingers on nothing. Listened to the radio, when they allowed - catching the chords, guessing at the picking patterns. All he had to do was stick it out, survive. There’d be music on the other side.

Turns out that all his good, good behaviour would count for something - a few reductions, then, parole. After he hitch-hiked his way to Los Angeles, Vance started strumming along the boardwalks and street corners to make ends meet. He’d lost a decade, of playing, of living; rusty, roughed up, and altogether alone in the world, he had nowhere to go and nobody to see there. Didn’t even have that old Fender. But he could clean himself up and slip into bars and music stores, pick up a guitar, and earn a few coins. Just a week shy of his last pointless parole meeting, he was pulled aside for a proposal. A band, not just some crew of up and comers but a big deal, needed a guitarist, a singer. A replacement. Maybe they weren’t his style, but - could he do it? For the money to keep himself clean, sure. They didn’t seem to have caught on to that criminal record, but that was years ago; the Diamondbacks, and the scandal that snapped them apart, were just about forgotten. All the better for Vance. For the past two years he’s been doing what Indigo Dusk pays him to do, and not much more. This isn’t his band. It’s not his music. He bears them no ill will - he’s grateful, of course, for the chance - but he doesn’t feel at home with them, doesn’t get too personal. Vance is well aware he’s just filling a space onstage, and if he’s honest with himself, he’s not playing his best for them. But, very, very quietly, over the last few months or so, he’s started to slip out to open mic nights around Los Angeles. Nothing too big. Doesn’t want to trouble that contract, obviously… but he can feel it, the quaking in the foundation of this band he’s hitched himself to. They’re going the same way The Diamondbacks did, or something like it, anyway. And that asides, he misses making music that felt like his. Maybe The Diamondbacks weren’t that, either. But he’s out looking for his own sound, now, and if the audiences are any indication, he’s starting to find it…

                                                   V. ENCORE

Let’s start with a PINTEREST! https://www.pinterest.ca/jraphicpark/vance/

HEADCANON time!

Vance got his musical talent, and then some, from his mother - a music teacher. She realized early that her boy had spectacular pitch, listening to him plink along with radio tunes on her piano. He can do more than that now, but hasn’t let the rest of Indigo Dusk in on the fact. They’ve got somebody on the keys, don’t need him. And it hurts to play, in some ways. Piano was his mom’s music, her sound, and it brings back a hell of a lot of memories. 

He can also pick something pretty out on the banjo, and knows his way around a classic diatonic harmonica. Picked that one up in prison; being able to keep folks entertained has always served Vance well, even in his worst days. 

At this point, he’s mostly playing covers for the cafe and bar crowds; but Vance is slowly, surely, starting to throw in a tune or two of his own. It’s not just his sound that’s drawing people in, either. When he warms up, past a certain natural shyness, Vance has this unpretentious, genuine way about him, a self-deprecating kind of humour that sneaks in between songs. It keeps them listening, even if his music isn’t perhaps the kind of thing that’s hitting it big on the airwaves these days.

Though nobody was throwing those words around in 1973, Vance is what we’d call dyslexic and dysgraphic - meaning, very broadly, that he struggles to read and write. It’s not something he has an explanation for, and the ones given to him by teachers and schoolmates weren’t kind. He’s been treated like he’s not terribly smart, or like he’s lazy, or both, since he was a kid. Neither’s true, but he’s still sensitive about it, and tries to hide this fact as much as possible. People already tend to judge him quickly thanks to the backwoodsy accent. It’s not fair, but Vance knows the world isn’t like that. So he just gets on by, as best he can.

And then, obviously, a PLAYLIST! I’ll just list the songs, because I don’t have a proper Spotify set up (shocking, I know). Hope it’s okay that some of these are modern. Vance typically played electric with the Diamondbacks, in their more rock n’ roll style (think CCR, Lynyrd Skynyrd); left to his own devices, he prefers an acoustic sound heavy on the finger-picking. He’s got a genuine gift for that kind of playing, very much a van Zandt kind of talent. His voice, usually background to The Fortunate Son’s in the Diamondback days, actually has a decent range - soft highs to a bit of old country growl.

Highway Kind - Townes van Zandt Little Boy - Barns Courtney

Feel Alright - Steve Earle

Built to Roam - Shakey Graves

Leaving On A Jet Plane - John Denver

Deep Dark Wells - Joe Pug

Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

My Poor Heart - The Glorious Sons

Satan and St. Paul - John Fullbright I’m Not a Saint - Billy Raffoul

Wasteland - X Ambassadors

Tearing At the Seams - Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats

And I Love You So - Don McLean

Everything Is Alright - The Glorious Sons

Unknown Legend - Shakey Graves

Bright Beginnings - Joe Pug

Lungs - Townes van Zandt

Don’t Take Your Guns to Town - Johnny Cash

History - X Ambassadors

Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver

Unlucky Skin - Shakey Graves

Meet Me in the Alleyway - Steve Earle

Panic Attack - The Glorious Sons

American Pie - Don McLean

Still Trying - Nathaniel Rateliff

And for a few more things, here’s some tidbits about the (ex)band, so far as wanted connections might go! Names and Titles are flexible. Faceclaims would be totally up to player, probably in the 32-37 age range.  

THE FORTUNATE SON

The oddest one out, back in Pine Bluff and the band, this character grew up as the spoiled and rebellious child of the biggest bigwigs that little town had to offer. Maybe he’s a Somebody, a country crooner or a real rockstar. Maybe he’s become a Power, staring down the kind of up and comer he used to be across a nice, expensive desk. Is he happy, now? Was it worth it? Who’s to say.

THE PEACE TRAIN

The roving spirit of the bunch, the real hippie, off in la-la land, ready to fire up a fat one the moment they left the stage. You could say that for this character - he loved the music, and couldn’t stand to see it compromised. He was a cheerleader, always ready to shove the rest of the band back on their feet and get the show on the road, eternally the sunny, can-do optimist. The weed probably helped with that, but still. Vance wound up moving plenty of product for him alone, back in the day. Now? Who knows he’s up to.

THE HARD-CORE TROUBADOUR

Once the bassist of The Diamondbacks, this character was always a hard-headed, take-no-shit sonofabitch. But he got shit done. While The Fortunate Son dreamed big and tried to smile and schmooze his way to what he wanted, The Hard-core Troubadour put in the thinking and paperwork that made stuff happen. He spent much of the friendship - and the band - frustrated. Vance was often the one who had to try and gentle things out between people, usually this stubborn bastard and their bombastic, self-righteous frontman. He might have moved on to another band, but it’s just as likely that he left music behind for managing or mixing at one of the labels.

[durianriderofficial]

You say you have coached 100s of people over the years, but how come you have never shown us any of these people?? Coaching is totally different than making youtube videos for people to watch or making an ebook for people to buy, you make it sound like you've done one on one coaching with heaps of people yet no one has ever seen or heard about these people. You film your life so if you were coaching all these people that you claim to have why haven't we seen or heard about them?!

Not sure if you are new to my cult or if you are just trolling.

Lets assume you are new.

Ive not coached 100′s. It would be 1000′s! Since 1996 when I first helped my mate Nicole get into incredible shape to today where I have my personal coaching group where 100′s ofpeople from all over the world ask me direct questions or just sit and read the answers. I havent even really advertised that group either. (I dont want it to get too big too quick in case the format isnt sustainable).Some people live with me for a year or 9. Some just stay a week or a month. Some I just meet a few times a week at sunrise for TT’s. Some I never meet but Im on call for any problem they have or any question they need answered.You say ‘nobody has ever seen or heard of these people’. That is a valid point because I dont really advertise it how many people I have influenced all over the world in my last 4-600 videos I reckon. Maybe scroll back more where I used to have more crew in my vids. Or just go on youtube and if you see a channel promoting high carb vegan then you can be 99% sure they were inspired by me or coached up by me.

If you see someone winning a running race in 2019 wearing a vegan shirt or smashing it hard on Strava you know they are using the DR template - sleep, water, sugar, pacing, early nights, zero carb restriction minimum stims etc.

I could spend the next few hours writing down names of real people and sharing their stories but just go back thru some of my vids and you will see that if you really want to know. I meet people everyday on the street who come up and tell me stuff like ‘thanks for all you do Harley! Fuck the haters, keep doing you man!’

Gimme ANYONE and I can turn them into the best version of themselves. I can guarantee that because Ive done it over and over and over before. Whether or not they want to keep that momentum up forever is up to them but Ive helped so many 1000′s of crew flip their lives for the better that I have quite an arrogant level of confidence because of it.

I don’t even know who you are but I do know if I coached you hardcore I could turn you into something you never thought you could be. I get bored quick though. As soon as I feel someone slacking or ungrateful I look for a new project. The time to let someone go as a coach is when they hit ‘cruise control’ because that means they don’t want to go any further or faster and even if they pretend they do, it is just that they are interested, they are not actually committed. You are just wasting your time and their time by wanting the results more for them than they want it themselves.

My biggest strength is spotting potential in others that they can’t see or nobody else could see or knew how to unleash. My biggest weakness has been wasting time on people who don’t deserve it when I could be investing that time into those who do.

Some people just want to drop 3kg and decrease their insulin resistance. Great I can do that.

Some people want to become global influencers and never have to work a normal job every again. Great I can do that.

Some people just want to find a vegan bf or gf. Great I can do that.

If you want more help join my coaching group people. https://durianrider.com/products/unlimited-direct-coaching-from-durianrider-read-the-description-text