#ive never had a problem with sleeping in my bed cuz of using my phone; probably cuz im doing it at bedtime when im winding down

[manebioniclegali]

Tip: if you're going to be using your phone at night, use a blue light filter. Don't make it harder on your brain to let sleep catch you. Typically any built-in eye comfort modes aren't going to be enough, because you need to be able to turn your brightness down more as well. I don't know what's out there for Apple, but I use Twilight on Android, and it works wonders. Been using it since 2015, and it's helped a lot. (On desktop, I use f.lux on candlelight, the darkest setting. I actually found them both from the same Tumblr post lol)

I use multiple alarms not particularly cuz I might sleep through them (although sometimes I do), but bc they help me wake up easier than just one. I allow myself time to snooze them and come to terms with being awake so that way, by the time the last one comes up, I'm (hopefully) ready to finally get out of bed. Not everyone has enough energy right when they wake up to pull themselves out of bed; sometimes they need like 45 minutes or more to adjust to a different state of consciousness

I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?

Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.

Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."

Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.

BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.

Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.

ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.

Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:

1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."

2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.

3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.

4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.

5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.

6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.

7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).

[shrek-ellie]

is there any way you can write a cute story about bella coming home and surprising reader because reader didn’t think bella was coming home for another month

Hii yes ofc:) thank you so much requesting this. Bella uses they/them pronouns now so I will be doing that and as of yn she uses she/her. I really hope you like this<3 im sorry if this was bad or too short im still a new writer and a not very good one.

Its been a lonely and boring few weeks without my partner Bella, long distant relationships are always a struggle for me. I need to be in their arms, I need their reassurance, their kisses, their warmth. 

I think they know that too, they could easily find someone else better than me even tho they say they could never.

“Well im gonna go to sleep now baby.” Bella giggles while saying “wait nooo im gonna miss you, I don’t want to wait any longer too see you” I pout, this isn’t fair. They’ve been so busy with their filming and I  could never be more proud I just wish they put a tiny more time for me as selfish as that sounds. Bella just giggles as they tell me they love me then continue to hang out, im so inlove with them its insane.

Ive been laying in bed for hours just checking the clock, Bella must already be asleep cuz they haven’t answered any of my texts. I’ve always had sleeping problems especially without Bella, we would usually take night walks or make food together too help me sleep, so I decided im gonna maybe making noodles would help me. i checked the clock on the stove and its already 2:30 am, I get everything I need out and sit on the counter waiting for the water to boil. While im in the middle of stirring I see headlights thru the window, God im about to get murdered aren’t I. I sit there in silence checking my phone to see if any friends texted me, no one did. 

I head the front door unlock and see Bella turn their head around the corner “OH MY GOD BELLA?” I screamed almost falling off the counter running to them. "surprise!" Bella said giggling and quickly dropped their bags and caught me in their arms. I quickly wrap my arms and their neck pecking them with kisses all over. “I missed you so so much baby” they say while giggling.” I thought I had to wait a whole month to see you I was gonna go like actually insane” I say tilting my head causing Bella to laugh and bite their tongue as I put everything that was on the stove in the fridge to eat tomorrow. “Well I just missed you too much, and plus we finished way earlier then expected so why not suprise my lover, cmon lets go to bed.” They grabbed my hand dragging me into the bedroom kissing me softly. I love them so much.

Im sorry I felt this this was really bad I hope you liked it:(<3

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Them Video Games . Pt 1

A very special Non Fandom fic that i care deeply about. I wrote this a few years ago around E3 Time and ive since rewrote it and turned it into a fic with Suna. But this is the rewrite and the one i adore. Its not the full thing because its too long . So ill call this Part One for the time being. I hope you enjoy the read.

W! Nsfw ish. Mentions of body insecurities. One slur. Slight incesty vibes.

I hope you enjoy this as much as me and @squeaky-ducky do. And i hope you fall in love with Toshi like we have 💞

It was early morning and the sun was creeping up to start the day . The sunlight made its way into a medium sized room . It was full of gaming posters. God of War, Overwatch, Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy. The room also had a large desk riddled with games and systems . Ontop sat a big screen tv with little figures in front of it. A dresser was also in the room that was full of figures and had a stack of gaming guides. An alarm was going off … for a long time.

The door to the room opened and a tall boy came in. He was tall with a small build . He was wearing a tank and some jeans . Quietly he went over to the bed to see a small girl asleep with the blanket kicked off . She was wearing Spyro panties and a video game tourney shirt .

The boy leaned down slightly shaking the girl.

“ kiki… kiki…”

Sleeping

“ MISHIKO” he shook her fast waking her up in a panic . He laughed standing up. “ time for school.”

Kiki sat up with a grumpy look on her face and the boy chuckled.

“ but Maaaax” she whined

“ cmon . Or i take the ps4 outta here”

“ nooo!!!!” She jumped outta bed hurrying to the restroom.

Kiki was in the shower trying to hurry to get ready for school, Max went downstairs checking his phone , he sighed up at the stairs when he heard the shower turn off and a door close.

Kiki hurried to get dressed . She pulled on a Playstation shirt and some shorts along with sneakers and rushed downstairs with her backpack on to see Max waiting by the door. He smiled at her and the two got in his car. Kiki was quiet during the ride, she was squeezing her pack looking out the window.

“ do I have to go..” she asked looking over.

“ yes, you do, why don't you see about joining the video game club ?” He pulled into a parking space.

“ I don't know…”

“ adam is in it you know. All you gotta do is ask Toshi to join”

She squirmed before getting out and Max got out too looking over at her.

“ i .. I don't know who that is..”

“ ah well. Uhhhh.” He came over to her side of the car and crouched down pointing to a black Mazda. A tall japanese guy got out holding a backpack that he slung over his shoulder. Max pointed at him and Kiki fell into him shaking her head fast.

“ hes .. hes..” she wiggled.

“ I promise he's nicer then he looks”

Kiki wiggled and they both heard the bell.

“ have a good day kiki” he hugged her and kiki whined when he let her go. They both went into the school but went opposite ways .

Kiki went into her math class to her seat and sat down holding her shorts , she watched more kids come in . Most didn't look at her , or talk to her. Most kids in her grade thought she was a hermit . Class started and Kiki took her book out to take notes and solve problems . She was mostly thinking about video games though. New strategies , new skins, new loot boxes.

“ Mishiko..” said the teacher

She jumped looking up to see everyone looking at her.

“ please pay attention and solve the problem…” asked the teacher. Kiki wiggled in her seat and answered the problem nervously . The teacher nodded in response.

She was right . The kids turned away and Kiki tried to relax.

Max was in class with his friend Adam . He also liked video games and enjoyed football. They sat next to each other to. The teacher instructed the class to work among themselves and Max turned to Adam.

“ i told Kiki about the club , I even showed her Toshi.”

Adam chuckled down at his books .

He was a big kid. Mostly muscle for football and athletics. “ ill ask her again but I don't know man. She seems shy, I wish she would though. No one will join cuz Toshi is so good” said Adam

Max tapped his pencil on his desk and sneaked a peak at his phone. He had a text from Gina. He grinned and elbowed his friend.

“ cover for me?” He asked and Adam agreed rolling his eyes. Max left class and went down the hall to see Gina waiting for him along with another girl . Kera.

They pulled him into the bathroom and into a stall and started to kiss him all over . Toshi was in the computer lab studying up on some game for the first bell . He did not have a first class but came in anyway to study. He leaned in to his hand watching the monitor , blowing air at it. “ almost time for E3.. “ he clicked on an article reading it about the event . He always went , he loved it . But he always went alone. He read the article and some girls came over to try to talk to him . He glanced over.

“ ohayo.” He said

The girls giggled at each other.

“ we were wondering .. if you wanted to join us for some fun?” They smirked.

“ nani?!” He was not amused

“ you know what we mean..”

“ nani?!?” Louder

The girls rolled their eyes leaving and Toshi smiled going back to his article.

The bell rang and Kiki hurried out of the classroom into the hallway. Toshi logged off and got up going to the hallway . He walked a strut almost, but a lazy strut. He was tall. And he took small steps when he walked. Never in any rush. Kiki was hurrying past all the kids down the hall when she passed him. He noticed her shirt and looked back when she passed him and raised an eyebrow then faced forward again. He shrugged his shoulders smiling and strolled into class.

Kiki made it to her class and tried her best to not be noticed. The class was english and the teacher was talking about an upcoming field trip to a museum . She handed out the paper and Kiki read it over. It was in a couple days . The class went on and one of the boys in her class looked over at her a few times. He nudged his friend and he looked up.

“ how come she never talks?” He asked

“ kiki is a video game hermet thats why”

“ yeah all she does is come to school and go straight home” said another kid.

“ I heard she's into freaky stuff too like video game characters” said a girl.

Kiki squeezed her book trying to block them out.

Max emerged from the restroom panting and zipping his pants. The girls came out and waved goodbye walking away. Max leaned on the wall panting and looking around.

“ to be fair. They asked me first” said Toshi. Who was leaning on the corner wall. Max jumped in his skin looking over the corner to see Toshi leaning on it.

“Well.. uh..” Max leaned on the wall next to Toshi.

“ ill take it i guess. Don't gotta work for it.” He said

“ you Americans are interesting. “

“ nab one Toshi you won't regret it”

“ looking for the right one.”

“ good luck” Max said rolling his eyes.

A bell rang and the two made their way to lunch. Kiki rushed out of the room and to the lunch room . Quickly she got her food and went outside to eat alone . She sat down with her back against the brick school and started to eat. Max went outside and sat down with his sister and the two ate their food. She leaned on him sighing and Max smiled down at her .

“ I have a field trip tomorrow..”

“ oh yeah?”

“ yeah just a museum.. “

“Just a museum .” He mocked chuckling and Kiki giggled pushing on her brother.

“ maybe uh.. ill ask .. friday...”

“ I think you should , it will be good for you”

Kiki wiggled around and Max pulled her up hugging her. He squeezed her tight for a minute. Kiki squeezed back whining. He stroked her hail till he realized and let go quickly.

“ c'mon ill take you to class”

Kiki nodded following her brother.

The day went on and eventually school was over. Kiki was waiting by Max’s car for him and Toshi was walking to his car with Adam. Adam waved and Kiki jumped fumbling her backpack trying to wave back. When the two got in the car Toshi looked over Adam and out his window.

“ .. whos that by Max’s car?” He asked

“ oh that's his sister Kiki. Her real names Mishiko though”

Toshi looked closer and noticed her playstation shirt.

“ she's like a huge video game nerd too” he added.

“Hmm..” he drove off.

Max hurried out of the school with some books and greeted his sister. “ sorry , I needed to get some books from my english teacher.”

Kiki smiled and got in the car and so did Max. He drove home and the two watched tv on the couch till Kiki nodded off. Max looked over and slowly moved his hand to her thigh squeezing it. He rubbed gently.

Toshi was up late playing video games and browsing leaderboards. He only had boxers on and bandages around his chest and back . His room was full of trophies and video games. His bed though took up most of the room . He sighed at the boards till he noticed a “KiKi” in the overwatch top 3. He was number one of course . But this girl was number 2., his phone buzzed and Toshi put his controller down to read it.

“ im skipping tomorrow want to come over around 9?”

Max.

Toshi replied and picked his controller back up.

Max looked at his phone and stopped rubbing his sisters thigh to roll his eyes at the text.

“ はい”

“Christ just say yes..” he rolled his eyes putting his phone down and looking at his sister.

It was the next day and Max was dropping Kiki off at school, she looked up at him and he hugged her tightly.

“ your fine. I promise” he assured her.

“ you'll be here at 6?” She asked nervous

“ 6 sharp “ he rubbed her head.

Kiki nodded getting out of the car and boarding the bus. Max drove home and saw Toshi's car already parked. He was leaning on it looking at his phone when Max pulled in.

“ no Adam?” Asked Max getting out of his car .

“ as if Adam would skip school”

The two went into the house and just laze around all day .

“ so i didint know you had a sister Max” Toshi said looking around the house.

“ oh yeah. Kiki. I thought id told you before. She's a sophomore”

“Nope.. didn't know”

Toshi got up going to the kitchen for a drink and Max scratched his lower chest feeling aroused. He sighed at himself trying to think of something. He slipped up to his room trying to fight back the urge. Toshi heard him go upstairs and put his drink down following quietly. He leaned on the wall listening to the door.

“ ughn.. kiki i miss you..” he heard and Toshi peered in but it was too dark to see. He assumed what he was doing and leaned in the doorway .

“ so do you do that all the time or just when she's not here” he smirked .

Max jumped and Toshi flipped the light on to see Max with a hand in his pants.

“ Toshi!!!! God damn it….” Max looked down and away. “Dont tell anyone…”

“ i wont. You should see our porn”

“ WHAT?”

Toshi shrugged his shoulders smiling and strolled out of the room down the hallway. “so where's her room”

Max ran after him grabbing his arm. “ you can't just walk into her room!”

“ but Adam said she's a gaming nerd i wanna see her set up”

“ whats a set up?”

Toshi rolled his eyes opening the door flicking the light on. He peered in and had a grin on his face. It was nice. Playstation and Nintendo, big tv. Stack of games .

Max closed the door and Toshi smiled going back downstairs. Max followed and felt embarrassed still.

“ how are you.. not grossed out?” He asked.

Toshi was feeling his bandages on his back trying not to scratch.

“ because You aren't hurting anything.” He looked over. “ you do you. But I do wanna meet her”

“ she's supposed to ask to join your club at school”

“ mmmm yeah?” He smirked

“ just let her join Toshi…”

“ oh it's not that easy..”

Kiki was on the bus looking out the window. The museum was okay… mostly they listened to lectures about art and sculptures. She was not very interested. The other kids did not bother with her either . She just wanted a friend…

The bus pulled up to the school and Kiki got off running to her brothers car getting in. He smiled and petted her head driving home. Kiki hurried inside and Max grabbed her pack pulling her to him.

“ i'm gonna miss the new loot boxes!!” She whined struggling and Max smiled squeezing her.

“ yeah yeah. Dinner first” he let go going to the kitchen with Kiki following.

Kiki sat down and Max brought their dinner over . They ate their food and Max looked at her a couple times when she was not looking. When they finished Kiki raced upstairs and Max slowly made his way to doing the dishes.

Kiki stayed upstairs for a couple hours playing her video games . She liked to play with all the lights off and the curtains closed. She had just finished opening her last loot box . She rubbed her eyes yawning and looking around. She was lonely . Kiki picked up her phone and looked at her contacts. Just Max and Adam.. she sighed putting it on her night stand. The clock on her tv said 10 pm . Slowly she got up and left her room to not hear the tv on and the lights were off. She knocked gently on Max’s door .

Max was in bed with some music on when Kiki knocked. He yelled for her to come in and she peaked.

“ Max.. can i hang out here… maybe..”. She quietly asked.

Max sat up looking over. He was in pj bottoms and a white shirt

“ yeah.. of course you can” he said quietly

Kiki came in holding the bottom of her shirt blushing and Max’s heart rate increased as he watched her come over. He held his arms out and Kiki hurried into them . Max laid down hugging her and he turned his lights down. The two snuggled while they talked.

“ so.. when do i ask.. to join the club” she asked holding her brothers shirt.

“ well they are there during the off periods , lunch and after school for a bit” he rubbed her back gently.

“ if i eat fast i might ask then…”

“ don't rush yourself Kiki . I can wait for you after school”

“ okay..”

Max held her tightly and let out a big sigh.

“ kiki..”

“ yes?” She looked up but it was dark so she could not see. He stroked her hair for a minute.

“ im just happy you can come talk to me…”

Kiki rolled to her stomach to lay on and hugged her brother tight.

“ me too.. I love you'' Max ``

“ i love you kiki..” he squeezed her and the two listened to music all night.

It was morning and Max was shaking Kiki to wake her up . She whined rolling off of Max and hugging his arm. He sighed watching her and reached over to rub her butt gently.

“ cmon wake up. You can sleep in tomorrow” he said

Kiki whined opening her eyes and sitting up.

“ what are you gonna do today?” He asked trying not to look at her thighs.

“ ask.. about the club..”

“ yes you are” he pet her head smiling and Kiki slid over him and went to the shower. Max waited till he heard the shower and slipped his hand in his pjs groaning.

Once everyone was ready the two went to school. Kiki was a nervous wreck the whole day. Would Toshi let her join? She was so paranoid that she did not hear the other kids in her classes talking about her.

The final bell rang and Kiki hurried out of her class and to the upper classes hallway. Her legs hurt since she was on the bottom floor. She peeked into the hallway to see Juniors and Seniors making their way to the stairs. She jumped when some of them said hello and complimented her gamer shirt. She spotted Max and ran over and he hugged her smiling.

“ just go down the hall, last door on the left Kiki”

She nodded fast still hugging and some of the seniors chuckled as they passed.

“ cmon you can do it” he slowly peeled her off of him.

“ ill be at the car” he petted her head and followed some of his friends.

Kiki held her shirt looking around the now empty hall and closed doors . Slowly she walked down the hall to the only open door. It said Computer Lab on the wall . She could hear talking and button mashing along with some music.

Kiki peaked in to see Toshi and Adam playing a game on a computer . She tried to sneak in but she bumped a nearby chair making it squeak. She jumped hugging the wall and the boys looked over. Adam jumped up and hugged her.

“HEY KIKI!!!” He squeezed making her whine and try to get loose. “ are you gonna join finally?!?”

“ augh let go!!! Adaaaam!!!” She whined till he let go .

Kiki held her chest looking at Toshi . He was… she slumped into the wall and Toshi smirked going over and leaning down till he was eye level .

“ you must be Mishiko…”

Her heart jumped. No one ever called her real name..

“ yes i.. I wanted to.. join” she said quietly

He smiled looking over over. Now he knew why Max liked her so much. She was cute and tiny.

Toshi held a controller in front of her face.

“ beat me in Overwatch and you can join. Three outta three”

Kiki grabbed the controller grinning . Toshi smiled at her standing back up and the two went to sit down in front of the computer. Toshi leaned back in his sit looking over at her. She didn't look nervous in the slightest . She had on a Ubisoft shirt and blue shorts with sneakers and thigh highs. He smiled at the thigh highs and Adam let them know it was starting soon.

A half hour later Toshi’s controller was in half and on the floor. The screen said “WINNER. KIKI & JUNKRAT” the chalkboard had three tallys on it for Kiki. Toshi was very … very silent. Kiki was shaking and looking at Adam but he looked just as surprised as her. The sound the controller made made her jump and look over at Toshi. He was huffing heavily, the bandages on his arm looked like they were being strained from his fist . Kiki slowly set the controller down and slowly got up. She should leave… he's angry… this was a bad idea…

Toshi whipped out of his seat in front of Kiki putting his hands on her shoulders sitting her back down.

“ …...how……” he ordered.

“Wah!!!” She jumped hiding being her hands. “ I WATCH A LOT OF STRATEGY STUFF IM SORRY. “ she whined through her hands. “ I can replace the controller…!!!!”

Adam was about to intervene but Toshi stood up and looked at him in disbelief. Adam nodded very fast. They both looked down at Kiki . She was hiding behind her hands with her knees touching.

Toshi stretched smiling.

“ ahhh…. baka… you can join” he chuckled

Kiki peaked through her hands up at the boy.

“ but to repay me your gonna come over tomorrow.” He smiled down at her and Kiki nodded fast and left in a flash

It was just Toshi and Adam in the computer lab. Toshi slowly picked up his broken controller and Adam quietly packed up the system. Toshi squeezed the controller again making Adam look over.

“ uh ..Toshi..” Adam said quietly.

“Well well well….” he threw his pack over his shoulder walking out of the room . His steps were heavy down the hall and down the stairs. He was on his way to the last floor when he stopped to look out the window. Kiki was running to Max’s car . He grinned and kept walking .

The car ride was quiet , she must of beat Toshi .

“ sooo.. what game was it?”

“ Overwatch…”

Max nearly missed the light .

“ you beat Toshi in Overwatch?!?”

“ yes!! He broke his controller and … told me to come over tomorrow”

Max pulled up to the house not saying anything. Kiki got out running inside and Max dialed Toshi

Toshi was already home and looking at the broken controller in his hand when his phone rang.

“ ohayo” he said

“ so what exactly do you plan to do with my sister tomorrow?”

Toshi made his way to his room to lie down. He ginned looking up at his ceiling.

“Friendly gaming Max. I'd never hurt your little sister”

“I swear Toshi if you try anything”

“Nani?!?”

“I mean it !”

“Uh huh.” He hung up smirking.

It was the morning of the next day and Kiki was still asleep. Max was awake in bed, he did not sleep much, he was caught up on his sister going to Toshi’s house. He trusted Toshi, he wouldn't try anything. Right?..

Max’s phone buzzed , he rubbed his face lifting his phone up to look at the text.

“She can come over whenever. I'm awake.” -Toshi

“Don't try anything.” -Max

“🤷🏻” -Toshi

Max groaned putting his phone down hugging his pillow. He heard Kiki after a while going down the stairs and the door opening.

[ping-ping-ying]

 NCT 2019: Mafia! Yandere!

Warning: toxic relationships, mental and emotional abuse, mentions of death/murder and suicide, kidnapping, illegal crimes, descriptive violence

NCT 2019: Reaction when their s/o tries to escape

To make this easier these will deadass be split up into units😂

Requested by @99-nct 🌻💓

NCT 127:

Taeyong: Would honestly freak a little. Since he made sure he kept track of you the entire day. He always knew where you were, and what you were doing. So when he came home from working late to see the house completely empty he panicked. But about four days after escaping he used all his resources to track you down, and found you waiting at a train station.

“Hey sweetie.” He pointed a gun to your back.

You stood there frozen.

“On the count of three, you’re going to come back home with me and get severely punished, or I’ll start shooting random civilians, your call.”

Johnny: Wouldn’t be as freaked out as you would expect him to be. All he needed to do was trace your steps. He made sure to look through your emails, phone logs, and sure enough, he found out you bought a plane ticket back home (unless you live in Korea lol) . It took him quite a while to find you in the crowded airport, but once he did, he gripped your wrist making you turn and face him.

“Hey doll face, remember me? The love of your life?”

Taeil: Home boi really caught you in the midst of your escape. You thought he went to sleep so you decided to high tail it out of there. But to your misfortune, Taeil was downstairs sitting in his chair. He held a glass of whiskey as he swirled it around looking at it intently.

“Now my dear, what do you think you’re doing?”

Doyoung: Was quite oblivious of the fact that you tried to escape. You both were at the mall and he went to go order food from the food court. Once he left you, you decided to sprint towards the malls entrance/exit. People gave you weird looks but you didn’t care. Your mind was focused on escaping. A mall cop saw you basically running and he came up to you and told you to stop running. In this moment you were about to tell this mall cop everything, but you were quickly shut down.

“Honey there you are!” Doyoung came jogging up to you.

The mall cop noticed your uneasy state, so he asked you,

“Do you know this man ma’am?”

You didn’t have time to answer because Doyoung came up with a smooth lie.

“Yes, this is my wife. She suffers from PTSD. Something must’ve triggered her, I’m so sorry sir.” He came and held your hand.

“No I’m sorry, please just make sure she is okay.” The cop bowed and walked off.

Doyoung then squeezed your hand tightly, to the point where you thought he was going to break a couple of fingers

“You are in big trouble when we get home.”

Mark: Mark wasn’t really a hardcore vicious yandere. He was actually surprisingly lenient when it came to you. That was his big mistake. You kept up your good behavior so he could give you more freedom, and that he did. You two were at a park and Mark had to use the bathroom. He told you to wait for him, and you, plastered a fake smile on your face and told him you would wait. As soon as the bathroom door shut you made a run for it. 

You didn’t care where you were going, as long as it was away from him. You lost track of how long you were running and decided to look back, when you did, you bumped into someone. 

“Are you all right miss?” An older woman asked as she helped you up.

“Yes, I need-”

“Babe!” Mark came running up to you. “I told you to wait for me! She’s so competitive, cheater.”

“You two are adorable! Have fun!” The older woman walked off and you looked at Mark. 

He grabbed your hand and yanked you towards the exit of the park. 

Haechan: This evil little shit actually let you escape, just so he can hunt you down. It was part of this sick little fantasy he had. When he finally caught you, it was not even an hour later. He knocked you out and threw you in the back of the car.

“I could do this all day princess.”

Yuta: It was his fault really. He left you at home alone all day and he forgot to lock the doors and windows. He was such in a rush that he forgot to do it. You walked straight out the door, and hopped into your car. The next thing you remember is waking up in the hospital. You were weak and could barley move, Yuta was asleep in a chair to your left. In that moment, you wanted to just pull out your IV but you couldn’t fore it was probably the only thing keeping you alive right now. 

“Honey! Are you okay?!” Yuta popped up and immediately grabbed your hand. 

“I think, I’m fine?”

“Where were you going? You know you aren’t allowed to leave the house without me.”

To your surprise, Yuta didn’t even suspect you tried to escape, because if he did, you probably would’ve been better dying off in the car accident. So you made up a lie to save your ass.

“I-I wanted to surprise you and make you your favorite meal. I haven’t cooked it in a while, and you seemed so stressed. I just wanted to do something good.”

“Oh honey.” He gave you a kiss on your forehead. “I appreciate it, but next time, just tell me where you’re going okay?”

“Okay.” 

Jungwoo: This sweetheart could turn cold in 2.5 when it came to you. He caught you trying to pick the lock on the front door.

“What are you doing?” 

“I wanted to go for a walk to clear my head.”

“No, come back to bed.”

“Jungwoo-”

“COME BACK TO BED!” 

Jaehyun: You kept being good and Jaehyun immediately knew something was up. You were usually a brat and acted out. For the past week he kept his eye on you. Then you decided to escape. Jaehyun was in the basement working out when you crept out the kitchen and to the front door. Before you could even touch the doorknob, both of your arms were pinned up against your head and your back slammed against the door. 

“I should’ve known you were up to something. You need to start obeying me more princess.” 

“Make me.” You spit in his face.

His head jerked to the side for a couple seconds and he smirked back at you. 

“You’re in for one hell of a punishment baby girl.” 

NCT DREAM:

(Except Mark and Haechan)

Renjun: Honestly, you were afraid to escape from Renjun. He was a sick sadistic bastard who had no problem bashing your fingers if you didn’t listen. So sad to say, you didn’t try to escape this time, due to the fact your broken leg was still healing, thanks to Renjun. 

Jeno: Another one who was oblivious to your attempt to escape. He just thought you had to use the bathroom, but when you didn’t come back halfway through the movie he went searching for you. He found you talking to a cop and went up to the both of you.

“Hey babe, you’re missing the movie! Is there a problem officer?” He said ever so sweetly. 

“Not at all young man, she just got lost is all.” 

Jeno grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly while walking back to the theater. 

Jaemin: Just like Haechan, he loved when you “escaped”. The hunt was his favorite part, he stalked you the entire time. When you were walking back from the store, he sat parked right outside. Now all he had to do was grab you, but he decided to wait. He didn’t find it fun if the hunt ended so quickly. 

Chenle: This baby went ballistic. He was looking around the school yard for you. He thought you wouldn’t have gotten out of the hand cuffs. But behold, you showed up to school with your wrists wrapped up. You basically almost cut off your wrists trying to break free. Chenle walked up to you and hugged you. 

“What happened? Are you okay? You can’t leave me again. This time you won’t be in handcuffs.

Jisung: The school day was over and you tried to hurry out of the school. Jisung was lurking around and you didn’t want to run into him. A teacher stopped you to talk about your grades (leave it to teachers to ruin everything, lol *disappointed but not surprised*). Jisung made his way to you with a wicked smile on his face.

“Hey Jisung!” The teacher greeted him warmly. 

“Hello! Are you ready to go?” He smirked at you. 

You knew you were screwed. 

WayV:

(this boutta be dark asf sksks for some reason I see WayV as darker Yandere’s then the rest of NCT lord help me sksks)

Kun: You tried and failed for the fifth time to escape from Kun. This time you ended up recieving the worst punishment ever. He tied you up in the basement and didn’t give you food or water for two days straight. Then after he fed you, and made you get on your knees in front of this large bucket. He restrained your hands and held your head under water for 30 seconds. This went on two more times before he dried you off and let you go back upstairs. 

Ten: Ten wasn’t expecting to try and escape again so quickly. Since your last attempt didn’t go so well. He caught you trying to hot wire his car, since he hid the keys. He put a cloth soaked with chloroform over your face, so he didn’t have to deal with your struggling. When you woke up, you were chained up in your room on the bed. Your legs were free though. Ten came walking in with a tray of supplies. Ten wasn’t into torture, but you needed to learn your lesson. He sat down next to you and in his hand was a tiny scalpel. 

“Stay still baby, this won’t hurt as much.”

He hummed softly dragged the sharp object along your shoulder. The room filled with your ear piercing screams. All Ten did was hush you and continue to torture you.

Sicheng: Oh boy, this dude. WinWin caught you talking to another guy while you were trying to escape. But, he was more angry at the fact you talked to another guy. Straight to the shed you brought you, and tied you up to a chair. This wasn’t a regular chair (cuz know he’s in that zoooone let me stfu lol),this was an electrick chair (e e e electric shock…. okok imma stop now hehe). Sicheng never used this on you unless he was really mad. To make this even more painful, he threw a bucket of freezing cold water on you, and put a cloth in your mouth. No matter how many times you pleaded and shook your head, he flipped the switch. This lasted about five minuets, before you passed out.

Lucas: Lucas was a very jealous yandere. You could look at another guy and he would want to yank your teeth out. Today he saw you trying to escape his house by running out the door. You thought he wasn’t home, but he was. Lucas grabbed you and dragged you upstairs. After tying you up to the bed post, he got out an iron rod. He went downstairs and put it over the lit fireplace for a couple minuets. When he returned, your eyes immediately went to stare at the glowing orange tip of the iron rod. A little smoke came rising off the tip, and that set you into panic mode. Your struggles were useless as he sat down and pressed the tip of the bar to your thigh. Lucas wasn’t phased at all by your whaling screams, and I mean, not at all. Whenever Lucas was mad, all he saw was red, so in this particular moment, he didn’t care that he was hurting you.

Xiaojun: Xiaojun  was very quiet, and that was more scary than anything. Once he found out you tried to escape, he went into his sadistic persona. He would torture you softly at first, putting salt on the top of your hand and then pushing an ice cube on it, making it burn like acid. Then he would put a rope around your neck and choke you until you felt light headed. After that, he would choke you with his bare hands, since he doesn’t like using weapons to punish you. Let’s just say, you couldn’t speak, or barely eat right for about week. 

Hendery: Didn’t take your escape attempt lightly. He really isn’t into physical torture, so he just made you do hard labor with no food, water, or breaks. Whenever you slowed down or felt like you were going to pass out, he would remind you that if you kept slacking you wouldn’t be fed or allowed back in the house. In some instances, you would rather die than go back into the house. 

YangYang: This little puppy, was probably the most sadistic yandere ever. He found you trying to escape, and boy, you shouldn’t have done that. YangYang actually broke both your legs, and mentally tortured you for hours. When you didn’t seemed phased by his mental torture, he chained you up and left you down in the basement until you learned your lesson. You went about four days without food or before he caved in and came down with food and water. When you refused to eat or drink, he threatened to break both your arms. So you ate and drank, then later on cried yourself to sleep. 

-PingPing -3:53pm 

[the-family-fortune]

So last night I asked my server for suggestions on the Galochio fic I’m working on. They were very helpful.

DaisyYesterday at 11:38 PM

how do u get rid of the main villain of a story............ without actually getting rid of them in any effective way?? like i dont want to be "and then he walked away and was never a problem again" because. thats dumb. but i need something to that effect.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:38 PM

u could kill him off

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:40 PM

I need a little bit more information regarding plot before I can be of any help I think

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:42 PM

distract him with something else entirely?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

family emergency

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

Had a doctor’s appointment

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:42 PM

eat him

sorry

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

he gets sick and has to take a break

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

His magic fucked up and went to another dimension

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

job pulls him to the complete opposite side of the world

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

he took a cruise

turtleYesterday at 11:43 PM

He wanted a vacation

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:43 PM

send him to brazil

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

got a new phone and lost the protag's cell number

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

he broke his teeth and needs to get that shit fixed cuz goddamn

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

im SO glad i didnt give enough context in the first one these are all SUPERB. i did think abt killing him off in the final confrontation but i really dont want this 9 year old murdering her grandpa gjkfds. it COULD be an accident because his powers are big and unstable. 

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:44 PM

mild heart attack puts him out of commission for a while

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:44 PM

goes to antarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:44 PM

coma

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

FUCK

GOES TO ANTARCTICA WINS. I HATE THAT, THANK YOU.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

electrocution fucks up

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

fjsjfjjs

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

but he gets better

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

no?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

maybe the electrocution backfires and makes him bedridden for the rest of his life

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

if he wants

DaisyYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed, but he gets better.........

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

it happens

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

"better" means "more haunted"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

thank you

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:46 PM

ye I gotchu

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

grandpa piss ghost

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:46 PM

send him to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:46 PM

he IS Like. ancient. he's ALREADY missing one leg. it would not take much to put him out of commission, but also he's a cockroach.

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

dont send him to the moon....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

honestly the first thing that came to mind was despicable me

when they sent fucking vector to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:47 PM

portal 2 for me

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

moons getting crowded

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

how many antagonists have gotten stuck on the moon? holy shit?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:48 PM

Usagi the moon bunny has a prison for antagonists

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:48 PM

Alright gonna write a massive crossover of villains on the moon/j

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:48 PM

maybe just... make him cry and have a breakdown or something idk

he cant do shit if he's in bed all day like me

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:49 PM

Also for a idea im not too sure

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

he can cry on moontarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:49 PM

Daisy if this is your psy oc I think you can get pretty absurd with it

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:49 PM

the moon: now with snow

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

cold moon.....

that's how they keep the cheese fresh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

maybe just smack him with a newspaper

or pour concrete on him just leave his head above the surface or smth

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:50 PM

y'all are on the moon, meanwhile I've got him forever bedridden like Charlie Bucket's grandparents

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

mood

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

except grandpa Joe I mean

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:51 PM

dude what if like some sort of freak accident happens that just fucking snipes him and makes him useless

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:51 PM

that bed? It's on the moon now

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

oh to be an old lady and sleep on the moon...

DaisyYesterday at 11:51 PM

it is the psy OC!!! her grandpa SUCKS and he's genuinely the worst person ive ever written and he wont!! DIE!!!

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:52 PM

oh.... oh my god..... to be Wallace from the Wallace and gromit go to the moon and have cheese and crackers.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:52 PM

ghagfdka;gh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

maybe you can send him on a wild goose chase

for forever

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

daisy heres what you do ok. you uhhhhh wait for him to die of old age naturally and see what his will says in an exciting will-reading scene

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:53 PM

just continuously give him red herrings

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

imagine I put quotes around exciting

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

give this man a macguffin, slap him on the back and say "go get em"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

red herrings? Why not a very fun destination???

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

dude sell his soul to whatever sort of dark power there is for a single corn chip

bonk him on the head so hard he becomes a toddler again

uhhh

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:54 PM

what's that app that sends you on adventures based on what you wanna find?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:54 PM

geocache?

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

bonk him on the head in general

aye i've done those before those are fun

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:55 PM

Pokemon go??

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:55 PM

not geocache but close

hang on I saw a vid of it recently

Randonautica

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:55 PM

I mean... if you just have them be fidgety about it for a while... there doesn’t necessarily need to be an explanation now that I think about it

A lot of things could happen to him once he’s out of their sight that they might not end up hearing about

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:56 PM

send him to the mariana trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:56 PM

he steps away and gets hit by a bus a la Mean Girls

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:56 PM

all of the above

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres a bus in  the mariana trench?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres about to be

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:57 PM

Pfft... he starts to walk away and quartermaster shows up, hitting him with the bus, and just turns to the kids and goes “bus is here”

DaisyYesterday at 11:57 PM

the most ambitious crossover of all time....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

snipe him so fucking hard that theres a crossover

dude just take his knees

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:57 PM

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

like just take them off

un-velcro his knees

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

FUCK

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

GOD

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:58 PM

bus in the trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

THERES THE FUCKING BUS

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

DAMMIT

BUS IN THE TRENCH

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

TRENCHBUS GOTTEM

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

well "bus in the mariana trench'' has clearly already been done >:T

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

damn yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

make it a mack truck

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

nothings original these days

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:59 PM

original trench vehicle do not steal

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:59 PM

give him a "mid-life" crisis and make him go soul searching or something

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:59 PM

exactly! you can use mariana trench bus

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:59 PM

Ok, but back to serious answers: they could possibly read in the newspaper about him being arrested for something seemingly unrelated but that they and the readers may be able to connect the dots to some sinister thing he was attempting to do to them somehow?

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:59 PM

he gets sniped byh miss frizzle eastAugust 17, 2020

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

OH WAIT FUCK UR RIGHT

THE WHOLE 

yall.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

let him realize that the most important lesson here is friendship

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

im so fucking stupid

the WHOLE STORY. IS ABOUT HOW HES BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE PSYCHIC FBI

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:00 AM

friendship saves the day....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:00 AM

theres only one braincell in this server its okay we're all just taking turns with it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

GHHGHAHG;GHRR

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:00 AM

LMFAO

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

THEY GOTTEM

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

FBI stands for Friendship Bureau of Investigation

DaisyToday at 12:01 AM

i was SO FOCUSED ON THE END SCENE I FORGOT IT WAS CONNECTED TO A STORY........

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

LAYS IS THE TRENCHBUS DRIVER

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

uwu

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:01 AM

“How do I eliminate this character being pursued by the fbi?” “My first option is to have him be murdered by children but I’d prefer not to have to resort to that”

I love it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

ngfdk;sgkfag;f

we all out here trying to play cabin in the woods with this old man

DaisyToday at 12:02 AM

never once did i claim to be clever

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:02 AM

and he would've gotten away with it too if it wasnt for this meddling government agency

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:03 AM

thus ends the saga of grandpa piss

DaisyToday at 12:03 AM

i am going to CRY this has been an adventure holy SHIT

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:04 AM

he sure did go a lot of places

spry old fucker

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:04 AM

I wonder how many trench buses he had to wait for

DaisyToday at 12:04 AM

you'd think at like 89 with one good leg he wouldn't get around as much but here we are

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:05 AM

he was probably rolling around in that bed 8T

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:05 AM

you can go anywhere with a bus pass and a sense of adventure

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

can we make that zero good legs? i have a nice crowbar right here i can use

DaisyToday at 12:05 AM

BE MY GUEST

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

im gonna put this man in a walmart scooter

kiss your knees goodbye

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:06 AM

(dont stop tho he has more trenchbuses to get hit by)

Theo || teddy assigned mormonToday at 12:08 AM

[rockformed]

1-100 for that ask thing. Cuz fuck you

JESUS CHRIST WILLim putting this under a read more fuck you too

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

soundcloud!! 

is your room messy or clean?

always messy, last time it was clean was when we first moved in lmao

what color are your eyes?

very dark brown

do you like your name? why?

i do!! cause it means “helper”!! and i love to help vv

what is your relationship status?

single as fuck, ive never been in a relationship ;;

describe your personality in 3 words or less

shy, creative, and passive

what color hair do you have?

natural redhead babeyyyy

what kind of car do you drive? color?

i dont drive ;;

where do you shop?

usually i get my clothes from a place called torrid, they sell plus sized stuff!! but i get all my t-shirts from redbubble and thinkgeek! 

how would you describe your style?

all over the place lmao, messy

favorite social media account

tumblr is m fav just cause the site works the way i think it should, in chronological order 

what size bed do you have?

double

any siblings?

yep!! 2 step brothers, 1 half brother and 1 half sister 

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

a small cabin on a riverside with self-sustainability. i just dont wanna have to worry about stuff and be left to myself in a cute little cabin!!

favorite snapchat filter?

THE TIGER FACEMASK ONE

favorite makeup brand(s)

dont wear makeup :p

how many times a week do you shower?

i uhhhhh try to shower once every day but i have a hard time remembering a lot ;;

favorite tv show?

atm i dont have one, i dont really watch tv! im excited for the return of steven universe tho 

shoe size?

8 womens

how tall are you?

5′3″ last time i checked!!

sandals or sneakers?

SNEAKERS, i hate sandals :(

do you go to the gym?

used to every day, stopped cause we moved away from my gym and i have no way to get there :(

describe your dream date

oh gosh, i dont really know, something chill where i could get to know the person a bit, maybe lunch at a cute airy restaurant vv

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

i have misc change and a 15 dollar red lobster gift card lol

what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any!!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

3, and many stuffed animals :3

do you have a job? what do you do?

i do commissions, but i dont have a 9-5 “job” yet

how many friends do you have?

oh gosh, uuummmm 2 really good ones, maybe 7 others?? im probably forgetting ;;

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

when i was 5 i stole a harmonica from a cracker barrel and swore on the bible that the woman at the counter let me have it ;;;;; it haunts me everyday for real

whats your favorite candle scent?

i dont have a specific, but i love sweet scented candles, and holiday ones :p

3 favorite boy names

Ben, Oliver, and Andrew 

3 favorite girl names

Lily, Genevieve, and Lorelei

favorite actor?

Robin Williams %100 forever

favorite actress?

amy adams

who is your celebrity crush?

Chris Pratt i guess??? i dont pay too much attention to that stuff :p

favorite movie?

ever, is wreck it ralph, atm is beauty and the beast (not the remake)

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i dont read too much anymore, but my favorite book(s) is the Doll People by Ann M. Martin.

money or brains?

brains if by brains you include personality

do you have a nickname? what is it?

a lot of people on here call me Rock, but i dont have a real life nickname!!

how many times have you been to the hospital?

one, when i was born lmao 

top 10 favorite songs

GOD fuck umm, Overwhelming by Jon Bellion, Fiddle and the Drum by Perfect Circle, 24 Karat Magic by Bruno Mars, Ticker Tape by Gorillaz, Separate Ways by Journey, I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness, Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston (i know, i know), Kill Your Heroes by AWOLNATION, Clocks by Coldplay, and Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.

do you take any medications daily?

nope!!

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

soft vv cause i drink so much fuckin water lmao

what is your biggest fear?

uhhh my loved ones dying and not knowing if i’d be okay if they did??

how many kids do you want?

NONE 

whats your go to hair style?

natural i guess, i dont really do up my hair :0

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

ideally, id love one of those micro-houses and to travel the country with my house, but if that doesnt work out id like a shotgun style! 

who is your role model?

Robin Williams, again :p

what was the last compliment you received?

“i love the way you color” was the last one!!

what was the last text you sent?

“my feet are gonna fall the fuck off” sent to my mom sjhdfjhdjfs

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

i didnt grow up believing in santa, my mom always just wrote her name on my presents! 

what is your dream car?

a tucker, even tho thats very VERY unlikely lmao 

opinion on smoking?

dont do it 

do you go to college?

no, but i want to!! 

what is your dream job?

character/concept designer for a film or game studio

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural!!

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

no >:(

do you have freckles?

lots on my arms, none on my face anymore :p

do you smile for pictures?

yep!! i have a bad sameface problem lmao

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

100+, my phone doesnt tell me an exact number

have you ever peed in the woods?

yep, once when i was younger i got locked out of my house on the way home from school so i had to pee in the woods behind our house and wait for my mom to get home 

do you still watch cartoons?

yeah, its the only thing i really watch lol

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendys, but Mcdonalds has better fries

Favorite dipping sauce?

sweet BBQ

what do you wear to bed?

sweatpants and a t-shirt!

have you ever won a spelling bee?

no, but i one a book fair contest once!

what are your hobbies?

drawing, singing, music in general, video games, and seeing how long i can stay up without passing out lmao

can you draw?

i like to think so

do you play an instrument?

flute, but i think ive forgotten how by now

what was the last concert you saw?

i havent seen any, but im going to see one next week!!

tea or coffee?

neither, unless we’re talking sweet tea lmao

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN YOU FOOL

do you want to get married?

yes, id like to!! but if the person i end up with doesnt want to im cool with that!

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

im not answering this fkdjgghjdhf

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

depends on the other persons last name and if they wanna change theirs!!

what color looks best on you?

green!

do you miss anyone right now?

yeah, a friend of mine and my dad :(

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed and locked lol

do you believe in ghosts?

somewhat

what is your biggest pet peeve? 

when people are rude or self-absorbed ://

last person you called`

my mom

favorite ice cream flavor?

cookie dough!!

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular (put them in the fridge first, they’re better cold!!)

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

i hate sprinkles :p tastes like paste 

what shirt are you wearing?

a fallout t-shirt!

what is your phone background?

cinderella’s castle, a pick that i took last time i went to magic kingdom!!

are you outgoing or shy?

shy :3c

do you like it when people play with your hair?

yeah!! but only if i know them fkhgdfg

do you like your neighbors?

some of them, our neighbor to our right is really nice but past that we have two trump supporters and on the left we have a couple thats really really mean lmao

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

in the morning!!

have you ever been high?

nope 

have you ever been drunk?

nope 

last thing you ate?

 a subway sandwich!!

favorite lyrics right now

???

summer or winter?

WINTER PLS

day or night?

Day, specifially mornings :o

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk!!

favorite month?

december :)

what is your zodiac sign

cancer!!!

who was the last person you cried in front of?

uhhhh my therapist lmao

FUCK YOU WILL THIS TOOK ME AN HOUR

[officialvneckvigilantes]

literally all of the asks. i dare you do it

wait... for real? gee, i mean thanks i really appreciate it but i feel bad for everyones feed now1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? probs something cheeky like "so, come here often?" or somethin like that2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?¯\_(ツ)_/¯3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?nope its their life4. Is your last name longer than six letters?nope5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?uhhh in between?6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?yeppppp like most of the time7. What does your last received text say?"oh shit dill! yooooo"8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?bruh its been a while idk maybe like a handful?9. Where was your last kiss at?someones dorm10. When is the last time you saw your sister?literally at work this morning lol11. What do you drink in the morning?juice or excellence12. Where did you sleep last night?alone on my futon13. Do you think relationships are hard?no but ya gotta put in the effort yafeel?14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?yeaahhh15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?no but id just rather not16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?sunny17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?yea18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?i like jeans but no pants is best pants19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?i fucking hope omg20. Does anyone like you?i think so amd i hope they do21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?nope22. Is the last person you kissed gay?nah 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?maybe my old dormmate from scad but even that i can get over24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?yeah i want constellations on me25. In the past week have you cried?nah26. What breed was the last dog you saw? pitbull + something (idk what my dogs mixed with)27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?out like why tf would i dry off in the wet shower 28. Have you ever kissed a football player?no29. Do you think you’re old?this is based on perspective and you know that. 30. Do you like text messaging?yeah i think its a nice casual way of keeping in touch31. What type of day are you having?a pretty good one32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?maybe but idk man33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?warm weather is fun for summer but i want snow in wintert goddammit34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?yeah35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?relationships have much more meaning but honestly thats up to the gal i just really want affection at this point36. Are you a simple or complicated person?uhhh im kind of a wildcard so who fucking knows theres a lot going on37. What song are you listening to?the radio rn but recently it was learn to fly by foo fighters38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?yeah of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?i dont think i even know almost everything about me tbh40. What made you start liking the person you like now?WOW what a question uhh cute/gorgeous? funny? personality? has shown affection/interest in me? like what more do you want???41. When did you last receive a text message?9:34 group chat 3:55 text42. What is wrong with you right now?wow thats a loaded question so next43. How well do you know the last female you texted?we kinda just met so theres still a lot to learn but so far kinda well44. Does anyone disgust you?people who dont show consideration for others or the environment45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?hell yes46. Are you in a good mood right now?yeah id say so47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?my parents?48. What color shirt are you wearing?black v neck, baby49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?no i dont think so50. Anyone you’re giving up on?nah i dont think you should ever give up on anyone51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?no. not even a little bit52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?no53. Do you like rain?yeah its real relaxing 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?no way i can make her cool drinks!55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?like 90% of them omg 56. Do you like to cuddle?uhhh who doesnt?57. Are you shy?in some situations but people always tell me im really social 58. Do you get along with girls?yeah idk why59. Have you dated the person you texted last?no? 60. What do you carry with you at all times?phone, wallet, keys 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?yes whats more haunting than student loans 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?yeah and i would really want to 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?nope 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?yesssss65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?yeah. like a lot of cute shit66. How old are the last three people you kissed?well now youre asking if ive kissed three whole people67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? uhhh68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? leopard print reminds me of early 2000's mall rat ladies so dear god no69. Do you have any stickers on your car? yeah from all the schools i attended70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? idk man does it really matter?71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? i like apples ui and the simplicity but ive been using android for the past couple years. just got the s8 and its great. 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? last week?73. Do you like diet soda? eh. dont like dont hate74. What color are the walls in your room? 3 are tan one is black75. Are you 16 or older? yep76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? nope77. Do you have a job? yep catch me at that bed bath and beyond life 78. What are your initials? ztf79. Did you ever have braces? yeah it kinda sucked80. Are you from the south? no81. What does your last status on facebook say? "sinners." in reply to a mountain of cardboard boxes in my old dorm82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? yeah83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? probs my dad84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? i did gymnastics when i was a wee lad85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? dude idk im just pumped for cars 3 midnight release86. Do you smoke? nah87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? ew88. Is your phone touch screen? wow 200889. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? it kinda just does its own thing and i love it for that90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? yeah91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pool for swimming, lake for canoeing92. Have you ever made out in a car? woah yes and theres a big story behind that lol93. …Had sex in a car? not like full sex but hand stuff yea94. Are you single or in a relationship? as single as the last 20 years of my life (very)95. What were you doing last night at midnight? watching the office i think96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? new years but i got a bunch that i wanna light97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yeah it great for snapshots and convenience but ill always prefer my dslr98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? ...like healthcare? no99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? nah 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? i dont hate anyone so no101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? if i was pregnant i wouldnt be the only one who was scared102. Name your favorite Kesha song: why103. Do you have any tan lines right now? HA no im white as fuck but maybe in the summer ill burn up some color104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? for realsies or for fun? cuz yes to eitherthanks again for asking me!! i appreciate it a whole lot!

[conorpmaynard]

All Started With a Song Part 7// Conor Maynard

Word Count-  1852

Summary- conor sees your cover and contacts you

A/n- (feel free to change the friends name I was just too lazy to write y/f/n that may times) so sorry it took so long. i was at my friends and couldnt get time to post. heres part 7. i hope you enjoy. im also not going to lie ot you guys, i have no idea when part 8 will be up. this is laos the longest imagine ive written so far!

~~

You groaned as you rolled over in your bed, the loud noise filling your ears. Your alarm was going off. You slowly reached your hand out from under the blankets and shut it off. You were so tired but you knew you needed to get up. It was currently midnight. You needed to pack everything into the car, get to the airport and get everything checked in by 2:30.

You reluctantly got out of your oh-so-warm bed and walked to the guest room.

“Ali, get up. We have to get ready,” you whispered, lighting shaking the brunette.

You walked to the other side of the bed, “Livy, c’mon. We have to get ready.”

“Why did we stay up last night? We’re so dumb,” Alice groaned, sitting up.

“I regret it so much,” Olivia whined, pulling the blanket over her head.

You laughed lightly, grabbing the blanket and ripping it off the bed.

“You bitch! What did I ever do to you?!” Olivia shrieked.

“Get up you lazy bums. I’m making breakfast,” you said walking out to the kitchen.

“By making do you mean getting the cereal and bowls out?” Alice smiled, following you.

“And the milk!” you retorted.

“Hey Liv, can you bring me some Ibuprofen? My head is killing me,” Alice lightly shouted. A few moments later the blonde came out with a bottle of pills.

“Why did we do that last night?” She groaned.

“Because we’re dumb and immature,” you laughed.

“Not so loud please,” Alice whispered, swallowing 2 of the pills.

“Sorry,” you gave her a smile. “Maybe some Cheerios will help.” You passed her a bowl full of her favorite cereal.

“Oh my god,” she moaned as she took a bite. “God is real.”

You and Olivia laughed.

“Did we take any videos from last night?” you asked, handing Olivia her bowl.

“Let me check,” she took a spoonful of cereal while opening her camera roll. “Oh. My. God.”

“What?” you and Alice asked in unison.

“Look,” she had a weird look on her face when she handed you her phone.

You looked at the screen, mouth wide open.

You were stood on your bed, in an old t shirt and booty shorts. You were clearly drunk and very happy.

“Y/n!” shouted Alice. “Give your bae a quick shootout!”

“Yeah!” Olivia giggled, her grip on the phone shaky.

“I don’t have a bae,” you said sadly. “But I will give a shout out. Shout out to Conor Maynard for being a grade A asshole.” You hoisted the bottle of beer in your hand into the air. “You really know how to treat a girl. Hope your mommy’s proud of you.” You kneeled on the bed and got really close to the camera.

“Oh, and I think I might love you…” you said quietly. And then the video ended.

You stood there, not realizing the tears that had shed down your cheeks.

“Oh babe,” Olivia wrapped you in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t feel bad. I was drunk, I said something I didn’t mean.” You lied through your teeth, hoping they would believe you. “We’re going to LA in a few hours, we should be happy!”

“Speaking of that, we should really get ready.”

“Oh crap,” Alice said looking at the clock. “It’s already 12:45.”

You three quickly washed your dishes and rushed to the bathroom. You guys spent the next 45 minutes getting ready, jamming out to music and packing your essentials into your carry ons.

By 1:30 you three were stood at your door, making sure you had everything.

“Carry ons?” you asked.

“Check!”

“Check,” Olivia placed her hands around the straps of her backpack.

“Phone and charger?”

“Got them both,” Alice said phone in hand.

“Where’s your charger?” you asked.

“In my bag.”

“Prove it.”

She sighed, “Yes mom.” She took her backpack off, opening the front pocket to reveal her various chargers.

“Olivia?”

“Check and check, “she had her charger in one hand, phone in the other.

“Makeup?”

“We packed all of it into yours.”

“Oh right. I have the necessities, Liv has the snacks and you have the activities,” you pointed at Alice who nodded.

“Suit case?”

“You can see them!” Olivia chuckled.

“I’m just going through the list we made!”

“Computers?”

“Yes! We both have them! Can we please go now?”

“Yes! Let’s go!!” you squealed, shooing them out the door. You placed the key in the lock and turned it. “Hold on, I need to do one more thing.”

“What?”

You ignored their questioning looks as you walked across the hallway, knocking on the door. The door opened faster than any of you expected.

“Mornin’,” said the very attractive young male who just happened to be shirtless.

“Hey Alex, here’s the key. Feel free to eat any food you find and use my Netflix.” You smiled, handing him the key.

“No problem,” he smiled, leaning against the door for support. “What exactly am I doing again?”

You chuckled, “Just making sure no one breaks in.”

“Right,” he straightening himself. “I can do that.”

“Thanks again,” you reach up and kissed him on the cheek. “I owe you.”

He smirked and closed the door. You turned around to two girls gawking at you.

“What the hell was that?” Olivia asked.

“That’s my neighbor Alex,” you said, grabbing your suitcase and beginning the long walk to the elevator.

“Why have you never mentioned him?” Alice asked, following you.

“Never came up, I guess,” you shrugged, approaching the elevator.

“Can we also talk about how its Alex. As in Jack Maynard’s friend Alex.” Olivia trailed off.

You laughed, pressing the elevator button, “It’s not a big deal guys. He doesn’t really socialize with anyone but the boys.”

“Have you guys hung out?” Alice pestered, following you into the elevator.

“Once, but it was when I first moved it last year. He was nice, but then had to leave cuz Abe needed help with someone. We just never clicked,” you shrugged once more.

“Why are you not freaking out?” Olivia questioned.

“Because I wasn’t going to use him to get to Conor, so why try? Yeah he’s nice and stuff, but I’m not that kind of person. Also he’d find out sooner or later that I’m a fan of him and his best friends.”

“You have a point, but I would have been all over that,” Alice laughed.

“Do you want his number?” you joked.

“You have it?” she gawked.

“No,” you laughed. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”

~~

It took you girls a solid 10 minutes to figure out how to get everything in the car, it was like a giant version of Tetris.

The car ride was full of out-of-tuned singing and dirty looks from people who were stuck at the stoplight next to you.

When you finally got to the airport you parked in the long term parking and walked inside. It took about 20 minutes to get through security. You had to stop and beg the security to let you take the snacks on the 11 hour flight, which they eventually allowed.

You stopped by a Starbucks because you were all running on about 2 hours of sleep.

“Guys look!” Olivia smiled, pointing out the large windows that displayed all the airplanes.

“Let’s get a picture!” you giggled.

“Hi, could you please take a few photos of us?” Alice asked a teenage girl.

“Sure!” she smiled a big toothy smile and took the phone.

You guys took some facing away from the camera, some facing the camera and some sitting on the ground. After thanking the girl, you exchanged pictures.

While you were sat at Gate 4 waiting for your flight to LA, Conor was an absolute mess.

~~

“I fucked up mate,” Conor sighed, spreading across the couch.

“And I don’t feel bad,” Jack said annoyed. Conor did this to himself.

“What do I do?” he asked his younger brother.

“Let her go. Bro you lost her, just accept that.” His brother sighed, pausing the game to give Conor his full attention

“I can’t,” Conor sat up, squeezing a pillow tight to his chest. “I like her a lot.”

“Then why did you ‘forget’?” Jack asked, using the finger quotes when necessary.

“Because I was jealous, I wanted to make her jealous. But I regret it,” he groaned, slamming his head into the pillow.

“If you regret it, why did you unadd her on everything?”

“I don’t know, I was upset that I just let her leave.”

“Bro, you’re so fucking stupid.” And with that Jack got up and went to his room.

Leaving Conor by himself while he was sad was a bad idea. He always did things he would later regret. And this time was no different, he opened his phone and went to Instagram. One lil peek wouldn’t hurt.

Yes it would.

He typed in your username and noticed you had a new picture. The picture was of you and two girls, the same two girls from your previous post, in front of a giant window of what looked like an airport. All three of you were in a squatting position. Alice and Olivia had their fingers pointing at the camera and you were in the middle, hands in prayer formation.

His eyebrows knit together in confusion as he read the caption.

@y/i/n/

spontaneous vacay with my besties? i think yes!

Where were you going? Why? Who were you going to see there? What were you going to do? He clicked the picture and went to the brunette’s, Alice, page. He was even more upset after seeing her post.

@aliiibooo

a spoon full of travel makes the sadness go away

Her picture was off you three, once again in front of the giant window. But this time you were in the middle, one arm wrapped around each girl. Alice was throwing up a peace sign and the blonde, Olivia, had her hand on your face, squishing your cheeks together. He once again clicked on the picture, this time going to Olivia’s page.

Her post was of you three facing away from the camera. Conor couldn’t see your face but he knew you looked beautiful.

@oliviaaaaaa

LA, we’re coming for ya ;)

California? Why were you going to California? What was in California that wasn’t in London?

Lots of things you idiot.

Conor was half tempted to message you about it. But then he got a call.

Incoming call: Anth

Anth? Why was Anth calling him?

“Hey bro, what’s up?” Conor asked, curiosity filling him as he laid back on the couch.

“Before I tell you anything, you have to promise not to get mad or do anything stupid,” Anth said slowly.

“What are you on about?” Conor chuckled.

“Promise me,” there was no laughter in Anth’s voice.

“Okay… I promise. Now tell me what’s going on,” he sat up again.

“Y/n is coming to LA to do a cover with me,” Anth said quickly, fear consuming him.

It took Conor a few seconds to respond but Anth never expected him to say what he did.

[btsexomonstaxtrash1996]

dating jin part 2

heres part two, this one is a bit sad but dont fear theres more coming.

“Maybe its because im so young? Im still immature in a lot of ways.” she admits and looks down at her feet as they sit in their favorite coffee shop. “Quit being a derp, he probably meant nothing by it, youre over thinking things again.” her best friend says as she stares at her phone with the twentieth text from jin today. “Talk to him, i know you two are close i think he will understand.” she adds as he calls her again and she sighs pressing ignore.

“She ignored me again...this is all because you wanted to tease her...she is sensitive ill have you know!” jin yells at jungkook worried about rose because she has never ignored him this long before, its been two days, normally after the first day she starts answering the phone, something major must be wrong this time, maybe it was because of what he said, or something jungkook said.

“Ahhh you finally answered.” jin says excitedly  but stops smiling when she sees how puffy her eyes were and feels really bad. “Sorry...i guess im still very immature about a lot of things.” she says sadly looking away from her laptop screen, biting her lip to hold back tears, not really wanting to talk to him about it but knowing that she had to talk to him before he got too worried. “I know ive worried you, and it was immature of me to not tell you that i needed time to myself...we have been friends for a while and next time i will try and grow up more and be honnest because you deserve that.” she states her voice cracking a bit at the word friends and jin feels really bad, because he feels like its his fault. “Its fine really...i am all good.” he says and she sakes her head mostly at herself. “I have been dealing with quite a lot lately i dont even know why i got so upset.” she lies laughing at herself a bit as she looks back at jin who is laying in his hotel bed. “Im acting like a child, i need to control my emotions better.” she states honestly wiping off the tears on her face and smiling at him the best she can at the moment. “Its okay to be upset, im sorry if jungkook or i said anything to offend you, i really didnt mean to make you, who i am very close with, upset.” jin says looking like he is upset because she is upset. “It really isnt what you said or what jungkook said...i just had this perfect picture in my head and like a child, i wished for impossible things...im just immature at the moment...it really isnt any of your fault i promise.” she states and jin is so confused, because what could she have wished for that would be impossible, was it him not introdusing her to the members sooner, he had to admit that it has been almost a year since they started talking and visiting eachother, that is a long time for him to have kept her from them, maybe she thinks hes ashamed of her because of how white she is, or how much younger then him she is. “Everyone has dreams...its okay to be disapointed about not getting them...even i can be a child too sometimes, you shouldnt be ashamed of your feelings but if you need some time i understand, i can give you time to feel better...i know our scheduals are hectic and sometimes we need a break every now and then.” jin states and she nods, more tears running down her face as she agrees they should stop talking for a short while so she can get herself together so she doesnt bring both of them down. “Well i will talk to you again soon i hope...feel better.” jin says waving bye before she ends the chat and cries herself to sleep.

Its been a week of him checking his phone after ever schedual and sleepless nights about what he could have done better to have prevented all of this. He turns on his computer in the work room and starts to watch the shows shes in, like the talk shows and the little vlogs they do backstage like bts does all the time. Putting on the korean subtitles to understand the rest of what she is saying because he only understand some of the english vocabulary. “Rose! Where’s that friend of yours?...youre always calling them after the shows...you seem to like them a bunch.” one of her bandmates asks and he can see her tear up and she looks away. “Thats the problem...im trying to be mature about it.” she states and the girl behind the camera awes and laughs a little. “You are so confusing rosie.” she muses as rose looks away for a moment to look back at the camera. “Its been a long week.” she cries and another one of her bandmates comes over and cuddles into rose who is falling over on the couch before the other girl shuts off the camera. He looks on his phone at her groups instagrahm and sees the girls at a party comming to the dorm where rose is working on her computer. “The baby is a party pooper!” one of the girls complain in the car. “Yeah she cried all last night and is refusing to leave the dorm for parties, i understand shes having a rough time it just sucks for the rest of us too, cuz we love her but the baby is so fragile right now we could say her dress doesnt look good against her pale skin and she will take it as we dont like the fact shes white.” another says in the video and jin feels bad and litterally facepalms. “Im such an idiot.” he groans at himself and looks down at her contact information, a picture of the two of them as a contact photo. “I mentioned her being white and younger to jungkook, like they were reasons more then anything else...im so stupid.” he scolds himself looking down at the time before a notification popped up that she had posted something from her instagrahm. “Shhh shes sleeping.” one of the girls muse with her phone, he can tell its hers because she has something stil stuck on her lense so part of the picture is blurry. “Really?” another one asks and the other girls giggle a bit. “Maybe shes getting better...lets hope she feels better soon guys.” one of her memebers say before the video is over and jin smiles a bit, maybe she is getting better and will talk to him soon. He turns his american news notifications on to get notifications about her when hes busy and decides to go to bed before the sun comes up.

[puresponk-blog]

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why... My Story So Far.

I’ve always thought from when I was young I wasn’t the same as anyone else, I’ve shown people who I am even if sometimes I haven’t the clue who that is, but after everything, I think I’m starting to realise you only know how to live life the day you go six feet under.

From The Start To Beginning

I remember an ungodly amount from being as young as 5/6 and onwards, Im born and raised in England in a small town called Barnstaple, nothing major, I remember our first house, living with my mum and dad, in a very tiny two bedroom semi-detached house. After so long being there I remember Sam being born, from literally two days after he popped out he’s been there ever since. I was to understand why I think why I do, how I am and why? Just a little more so, finding yourself is the worst thing you can do. We are working class and very had much... iv never been on holiday, and I guess it's okay, can't be sad about something you never had I guess.

I remember things, days, moments from living there even if I don’t think of it, I remember walking to school, living next to a girls house who’d walk with me, one of my friends would live two minutes up the drive, another who I only saw at school but have known since we were babies, not so much know just our mums were friends, still are but never meet.

I like remembering how I used to think Father Christmas was real, the little things like the tooth fairy, even the odd few pounds would give me the power to feel what it’s like to decide what I want, even if it’s a sweet, toy car, it’s special.

We lived there for a good few years before moving about 20 minutes more so next to town, I kinda figure this’s when I remember a lot about life thinking about it now.

Everything seemed to get a little more and more unfair as I started to realise that some of these kids would have these new toys, but it didn't matter to the sense that it would bother be that much... young and naive as they say. Mom XY Dad So you kinda got a feel for what it was like living in the old house because it doesn’t matter as much when you’re young and don't remember. My mum is sweet and in some sense innocent, but she absorbs life instead of steals it, take things how it is just she hasn’t had a holiday, never been out of the country, hasn’t had many boyfriends at all, very content in how you just live and take things how they come. She’s into some mellow stuff and loves music, a huge music fan and was influenced loads from her mother as I in a way.

My dad is a little different, he’s into his old time rock a’ billy sound, more vintage metal if anything, his dad wasn’t the greatest influence though… he left him with his mother and didn’t do the most knowledgeable things, I remember him telling me a story of how his dad used to take him when he was a baby and go to hospital car parks and try of kinda not lure but use him as a little introduction to the lady business… and then left around the same year as when it kinda got a bit much I imagine, but is 100% take things when you do and don’t really help yourself if you can’t be fucked… very down to earth and will take anything if he thinks he can handle it, not a serious man at all, also an alcoholic and has a problem.

How & When

When we moved into the new house I still went to the same school, as my brother started at this point, kinda when you’re growing up and hit that age when you don’t wanna be treated like a kid anymore, music wise I wasn’t very varied, but wasn’t into that side as of yet just getting a taste almost, dipping your toe into the pool. This is when it stated getting pretty understandable, it wasn't okay anyway, wrong even but didn’t really know why in some ideas.

My mum caught on from when we weren’t born yet that my dad just wasn’t going to do anything with himself, he’s drinking got worse and worse not going out, treating many of us to the little things, just a drive would be like a two day holiday out of town with the experience just to go out almost… she didn’t love him anymore and used us as a starting point or excuse if you will to stop drinking go out more and live life but never got more than another town.

Around this time it got harder to understand many things, I was getting bullied from other kids for things like how I looked, pale ginger kid who wasn’t that amazing at a lot, as it was more everything at once around then, every day was just getting more tackling, going home to arguing constantly and awful silence to total screech and slaughter house environment… to wake up and get picked on it was just hard.

By now it’s getting to the end of primary school, there’s another baby on the way, I remember seeing dad trying for a few times taking us out but just to the beach the odd time, nothing major but probably proved more I his mind than actually proving something, he must have pulled off another stunt like oh let’s have another kid I’ll fix everything but probably didn’t last long, I remember him having cans next to his bed, waking up and just drinking from morning to day, everything you’d have in a normal home from what I could see was not in our favour, yet I guess you got to take it how it is…

… Anyone who knows what it was like as a kid must know how day to day you don’t feel the same when you’re older, the days are much slower and have more meaning, almost every day was a lesson, so you really pick up everything around you, and when there’s nothing but grief, stress, hatred it feels a lot more than it should do, kinda what makes me think everything stays with you when you’re younger…

I was in school and this is secondary, so the teenaged years are here… It was coming up to my birthday before I even started… not saying from now until I was born I never got anything or didn’t experience a lot, I joined a tennis club which only two people out of the entire school went… and wasn’t half bad at it at all, and cricket we ended up doing school leave play as well as football.

I was the defender in the school team and didn’t loose to any school for four years running, something silly like 9-2 every other year, so I wasn’t not doing anything, more so to just leave home so I don’t have to get shit from each ear about alcoholism or how she never touches him and how she has to sleep in the kids bedroom (Sam & Kane, Kane being the youngest now) cuz she can’t stand him all that shit… but he wasn’t leaving because his one stubborn man when he goes the ideas of pure bullshit in his head… mum would say he fools for his own bullshit…

I asked for an electric guitar for my birthday, which means money, something we don’t have much of, but I kicked and screamed and did this for days, I was in my first year of secondary school coming to 13/14.

They got my one tho, and couldn’t have been more grateful, by this time my music range was the complete opposite direction as anyone who I knew, mainstream wasn’t in my vocabulary… listening to hard rock, heavy metal, screamo, all the old stuff everything under what music stand for when everyone who I knew had the new 50 cent ringtone and got phones and hand this, that, and everything I’ve never thought of even having… so when I saw these guys making these songs which made me feel something totally different than I’ve ever felt I wanted to do that.

But still he didn’t leave, not the normal thing to do so the arguments went on for years… if you can think of crying and how shit is was STILL getting bullied not ever having many friends at all…

I think why I think like I do is because of my parents, kinda like that for everyone... I think if someone doesn't fit in it's because they're weird not because they're an individual? Could be very dependent, but from my experience... once you know you don't fit it, you never really will...

Come to day to day life it was get up, listen to screaming, go school, feel shit as fuck, go home, and feel even more shit so say to day life wasn’t pleasant but the appreciation for things like a roof or food just seemed mandatory so why’d I ever feel special?

By now it come to choosing GCSEs, I got really into art by this time and more so towards drumming, before I even chose my gcses I saw an electric kit in school so when I realised that I could go to this music room and not have to deal with anything but me in a room with music I could play cuz I couldn’t at home made a difference… and I ended up being pretty good when it comes to the drums as my alcoholic father says I got a real talent… as all drunks talk pure shit…

So now I begged and begged for a drum kit… and my dad some how got one because my mum didn’t work but dad worked in a factory…

I remember watching this video of trivium and it was the lead guitarist… and I was real into my music by now, and creative side to everything, in primary I loved English writing about wonders and things instead everyone else loved maths and I hated it, if never know what they were talking about and ever felt good when it happened…

But I saw him head banging with this sharp black Flying V just looking how I felt, and he had hair down to his shoulders or longer even, and thinking I want to look like that… I want the feeling of your hair going everywhere not seeing your face just the look, so when I bring it up sometimes as a joke but being deadly serious on the inside dad was very against it. He was very metal nothing poncey dying your hair like… but mum being very flower power opinionated for me to go for I touched me to do it and do things if you want to and think don’t worry what they thing…

So this pale ginger kid with a broken family who had fuck all to do other than play music and relate to heavy music has now dyed his hair from orange, or brown with a highlight of orange just orange in the sun to black mid length and very unpopular so I didn’t really help myself…

At all…

Coming towards the end of the year I had a little group of friends that looked like me, very emo very scene, very outcast very used to taking shit for literally anyone and everyone… so it was kinda a sanctuary, then the people who I thought were my friends for so much of a year decided to do something which kinda made things worse…

I went to the park where we kinda hung out when I only ever got a pity invitation from one of the guys or sometimes girls, like they’d be like why’d you bring him but always behind my back, I met them and we hung out in this girls house and wanted to check my Facebook and when it come to me leaving I forgot to sign out, so they went on all like five six of them threatened a bunch of different 18 year olds and dealers they’d pick up from and kids from our school… all thinking it’s be because they want to believe it, they didn’t know me so would’ve assumed the worse but shit it was so obvious… so it figuratively no one liked me again.

After that day for a solid few weeks it just didn’t feel safe to go anywhere, do anything I had to stay in this horrid house, I kinda turned to music a lot because I cut my hair down sort so it was natural, I left anyone who ever hurt me and moved towards the same friends as I did in school, the one who lived up the drive, and my other who was kinda raised with, kinda hung out with their friends and then on to be some of the best people and funniest people I’ve ever met.

They were also outcasts just not visually anything, stereotypically they were the nerds, living online with a controller in their hand doing nothing all day.

I kinda always picture the worst happening because that's always what's happened, now a days it's more you choose what happens and not being afraid to tell people what I think, it help a lot when in the middle of the first year I did kickboxing... and was the best in the class, I took it seriously which lead me to ranking up belts twice or even three times more than anyone else, I soon become a brown belt, one off a black but the teacher was flaky and we stopped going, me and my dad that is... I met my first actual girlfriend there, it was the teachers step daughter, we would learn up stairs and we the adults we upstairs we hung out downstairs... she was also not one to fit in everywhere but she had a few friends. After I cut my hair and looked sort of normal I noticed a real change of how people act around you especially kids by how you look, in my mind you can be this or that, but now, it really doesn't matter what you wanna be people are gunna say whatever and it won't bother you in a month? You won't remember in a few weeks so why let it get to you now? You'd be labelled for what you are and that really sticks with people so you might as well be true. My new friends... I liked them because at least I had people to see and talk to and be okay with saying hi when they walked down the hall, but still was not liked by many at all…

When I finished school everyone says your school days are the best you’ll ever have and I I thought If that were true I think I might have to blow my brains out… but it wasn’t easy and after everything that was happening at home and in school something weird happened in my life…

Essentially my dad hit my mum well… he did, it was getting really horrid between them and like I said they did this for years living in the same house but not together like… my mum tried to move out it just couldn’t happen, she couldn’t find work and no council flat or house was ready in a few months time… more like years… but because so when this riot of a show which I’ll spare you the details of (don’t worry it was nothing major at all just it was fucked up) she called the police and obviously I stopped him as soon as he touched her ya know it was just instinct but he got taken away, and the next morning smashing a window trying to get is after mum throwing his shit out. But he left… and stayed with his mother as he is doing right now… 50… btw…

And I was skating at the time, doing not half bad at all and was getting pretty used to playing a lot on guitar and drums, and is what I still do today because I’m pretty good at it, not so much art unfortunately, but I left secondary and all the friends I made we never seen again, it was time to choose what to do with your life…

I didn’t really have a clue with not enjoying a subject other than music art and a little graphic design but nothing major…

Mum and dad being working class they wanted me to be an electrician, they wouldn’t go a conversation without thinking of the money, and I never got what you’d call affection from either when I really think about it but wasn’t interested in the outside so I guess I never had the opportunity… kinda why I down play anything I’m good at because of my own mum and dad can’t find anything to encourage out of me hearing them say how good I could be if I follow their advice and become an electrician with no interest in it al all I pursued it…

All these built up feelings, anger was one... feeling like why would who people have a kid if they couldn't get them everything they wanted... why don't you go on holiday if you could? The worst thing is wasted time which could possibly spend making memories? Depression was also one... and I kinda felt it suited a lot to do with at home... you can't go through all this shit and expect not to wanna express it, even if it meant crying because you didn't know what you did for so many people to hate you? I never thought self harm as a realise until you think of actually having something to complain about, feeling a cut on the outside is sometimes better than feeling shit on the inside.

Now I haven’t mentioned any love life or anything like that until now, because I did loose my virginity but it wasn’t what you would call boyfriend girlfriend… more we would meet and then go with it… but I met this girl, and I couldn’t think of a better time for someone to somehow enter at the most right time?

No arguments, no bullying, I was normal looking and had made a few new friends, and now meet one of the most important people I’ve met since.

I mean I don’t wanna go on cuz like we aren’t together anymore but in a sense it was pure poetry everyday, everyday felt bliss, the fire they say that lights in your belly was roaring, feeling nothing but shit to sunshine for the first time it was one of the best feeling s I’ve ever feel and still searching for it again, I just hope I don’t get to relate to those quotes you see about never finding love again…

This girl, seen the country’s of Germany, Spain, two or three others I think, and yet she want to the same secondary and got spoken about the same way people did about me yet never spoke to her before ever, just the odd few times and one day, as Im walking home from collage who do I see walking under this underpass and smiles… the very same girl?! And she smiles at me?? Not like one of those side ounces like no effort like ya know she’s making pretty darn obvious and I literally thought na it’s cool I’ll look at her she’ll look at me and we will look away like everyone who’s ever looked at me…

And I don’t even smile back so I messaged her saying sorry I didn’t smile back?? Like wtf… how lame… but come a few days later I see her sitting on the opposite table as my friends and later messaged about getting a drink… the rest is pretty much history, perfect if you will… just I don’t think I’ve met anyone who was as serious as me when it come to something so special? Never mind the fact I already did another year of collage to get my level 2 diploma in electrical which I was starting to kinda get the hang of, still not interested but I did it, and yet we ended up living together, sharing everything, thoughts food, bed, house, life, and that’s what makes me think, how can someone know someone that well inside and out, how do you find that agin I don’t know? How I did in the first place I’m not sure at all…

But now it’s starting to get a little more clearer… I read somewhere that once you realise things will never be the same that’s when you can truly move on, another was when you find love it takes twice or sometimes three times as long to get over and honestly you’ll never get over it and yet that’s poetry… it’s not how who choose, it’s the ones who you want to see for the rest of your life because sometimes memories last a life time…

And who can me anymore satisfied with how you can go from the the worst days of your life to a few years later find this soul that’s exactly the same in so many ways yet the differences are what made it fun… I was having fun and I was in love… I think once you know what something’s value is, it’s not to imagine it to be a sad loss once it does go,enjoy what is happening right now… not what was yesterday? I want to think about tomorrow.

What & Why

So I think you’ll never understand what will happen if something will happen tomorrow who you’ll meet or what you’ll be, I’m in a band and we got a festival to play in June, to 350 people and I’ve played to a crowed of 15… and other to about 40? And I’ve been giving for about 3 months, I lost my job cuz I was always late and the people were absolutely awful… and now I got an interview with some of the sweetest women and team ever? You just never know what will happen? Iv applied to a music course to do for a year and after I’m moving to Plymouth to continue a degree in music? And you know what’s stayed through the worst and the best?

Music, my skateboard, my drum kit, my mum, and even the one who can leave something behind which can never be replaced? Memories… I can’t say I’ll ever understand life and I don’t think going about it seriously was what I should’ve done and it goes for anybody? You’ll never know what will happen? So just flow with it?

My Story So Far.

So what am I doing today? What’s made it easier? Who’s there now? Do you feel any wiser? Mistakes are probably the opposite to regret for the most part…

Just because I wouldn’t be here today if I had courage to do something sooner? I might be a hell of a lot wiser and probably a lot more understanding and normal… but what’s made it all worth the story? The journey instead of the destination… and that’s why I think you’ll only ever be completely understood of life is when you get laid six feel under? You just won’t know what you’re doing ever? If you told me six years ago I was going to be make a studio and be with a bad that’s planing a week tour I would’ve been laughing…

Hopefully I can think about what I was doing today in a few years thinking of the most ridiculous ideas and be living it… and I can’t wait…

The Story So Far? Can’t say I know yet… still enjoying the journey, not thinking about the destination, I think what makes it serious, when you care too much about what’s happing next instead of now? If you never do the things you’ve always wanted to, do they happen?

You’ll never know, will i ever know what love feels like again? Does it ever feel like you’ll know what you’re doing with your life? Does it make sense that what’s happening right now is for a reason? Do you ever want to hug the people you never think about touching again? Do selfish people ever say sorry for being selfish? Variety is the spice of life? No one wants to be stuck with someone until their teeth go? That’s boring? Sex is the most fun without laughing? You’ll never know where you are until you realise you are no where…

P.s. I hope you knock on my door, I want to leave Devon without knowing the people who meant less to me think more of me? I want to know that whenever either of us look back, it’s not shit but laughing…

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why… My Story So Far.

@invisible-fate98