#ive known them for over a year im so concerned

[thetoaddaddy]

y’all scare me so much when ur blogs disappear off my radar 😭

[ventingbit]

.

[chrisevansonly]

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: charles leclerc x female reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: life is too heavy to carry, thankfully your boyfriend will carry it with you

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: talks of mental health and suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression, heavy topics so please read at your own discretion

𝐚/𝐧: i’ll be honest this is self indulgent and i know i said i wasn’t writing but idk i feel so low and thought writing about how im feeling might help? ive struggled with mental illness my whole life so i find writing it out in a way i can enjoy helps…i hope it helps others that are in need of it too<3

Life is painful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, it’s dark and gloomy, heavy and hard to carry, life is painful. Okay well maybe not for everyone but for you it was, and it was draining, exhausting really trying to survive each day instead of living like everyone else. Truth be told you’d struggled with mental illness for as long as you can remember. In high school the suicidal thoughts came into play and you had fallen into a place no one deserved to fall.

You’d hear people tell you to smile, cheer up, get outside and take in the fresh air, but they don’t understand. They don’t get the internal pain one feels when they deal with depression and anxiety, unless you live it: you don’t get it.

So yes, life was painful but there was an ounce of sunshine in your life and it came in the form of Charles, your boyfriend of exactly three years. The man who broke through the storm to bring you blue skies and calm waters, the man who held you tightly as you cried for a break, aching for a moment of peace within yourself. Charles was a gift, you were sure of it: he was too.

“my love…?”

His voice was soft, delicate as it filtered through the dark bedroom, eyes filled with concern as he looked at you huddled under the blankets, almost willing them to swallow you whole

“hmm?”

It might not have been a word but Charles would take it

“can I get you anything? do you need something?”

The room fell silent again except for the sound of covers shifting, your head peaking over the duvet

“y-you please”

Hearing your voice break was enough for Charles to promptly move from his place in the doorway, lifting up the covers on his side of the bed before settling down and pulling you into his side, letting you virtually melt against him

“okay, okay i’m here, it’s okay amour..”

“it-it hurts”

“i know baby, i know it does…but it will only hurt for a little, i promise you.”

You wanted to believe him, you really did, but how many years would you have to suffer before it truly felt like you would never know how to feel okay.

“it’s hard to be here”

Now this caught Charles attention right away, having known your past with depression and even suicidal thoughts, he felt his blood run cold at the thought of you being anywhere than right here with him

“listen to me baby, i know it hurts, i know it’s hard, but i promise you i will help you find your sunshine, i will help you find your happiness”

He paused shifting to rest a hand on your cheek, his thumb swiping at a stray tear on your cheek

“i love you with everything in me, and i will do whatever i can to help you through this, if you need me to carry more of the weight, let me, if you need a shoulder to lean on more than usual, do it. you are my entire world baby, i won’t ever leave you out in the dark to take this on all on your own..”

Letting out a soft sniffle you looked up at him, always appreciating just how much love he held for you in his eyes alone

“why, i-i’m so sad a-all the time”

“because i love you. it doesn’t matter if your angry, happy, sad it’s part of you, i love all of you no matter what, and i am not going anywhere”

Charles leaned forward, pressing his lips to your forehead letting you have a minute to just digest everything he was saying

“pinky promise?” you asked softly, holding your pinky finger out which brought a soft smile to his face

“pinky promise baby, always.”

Nothing else needed to be said as you curled yourself further into his side, his arms only tightening on you, as if to keep you from slipping away from him. Charles knew words only helped so much, but he was willing to do whatever it took to bring you blue skies back. Even if it took days or weeks, even months, Charles was going to be right beside you, every step of the way.

Life might be painful, but you never had to go through it alone again.

[ravenromanova]

Too close

Pairings: Ghostface Bucky x Female reader (I got this idea from a tiktok i saw of someone that made a scream poster of bucky as ghostface and i died and i also read a natasha ghostface fic and it was so good and i thought why not make one of bucky!) This is the fic that inspired this, by @abbyromanoff you can run but you cant hide

Warnings: Mentions of killing, blood, SMUT 18+!!!!! Mask kink, knife play, Blood kink, Daddy kink, Breeding kink, unprotected sex (Bucky and the reader have sex in another room from an unalived person) (My darkest fantasies are coming out to play here sue me) DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18+!!!!!!!!

Summary- Bucky doesn’t like it when people get too close to his girl. What happens when you figure out why everyone you talk to suddenly dies. Will you run?

Kinktober masterlist - Main masterlist - Send me requests!!

~

“This just in another the mysterious serial killer known as ghostface has claimed another victim. 22 year old Jordan Rodriguez was found in her new york apartment with 50 stab wounds. She was found by her roommate Janice after she came home from work. Officers haven’t given many details as to if they are any leads into who this killer could be. But they have advised everyone within the brooklyn area to be inside by 8pm to limit any risks.” The nightly news reporters vice echos through your apartment as you watch through hooded eyes.

This was the fifth person this week to die a brutal death and not to mention you seem to have had an interaction with everyone that has died. Fear floods your veins as your head runs a thousand miles and hour and what this could mean. Is someone out to hurt you? Do you have a stalker who is killing everyone you know to get you alone? Are you next? That’s all you can think about before your thoughts are cut off by the front door opening.

You shriek and jump off the couch and run to the kitchen to grab whatever knife you can. You decide to duck behind your island with the knife as you hear footsteps walk in. The footsteps are heavy yet soft as the approach you. It’s not until the figure comes closer to you that you jump in front of them and attempt to stab them but they catch your hand.

“Woah they’re tiger” The voice says and you drop the knife once you realize who it is. You flick on the kitchen light before walking over to him and throwing your arms around his shoulders and hugging him.

“I’m sorry jamie” You apologize to your boyfriend and he just chuckles in response.

“It’s okay babydoll, but what has you so freaked out?” He asks looking at your with eyes of concern.

You sigh as you look at him before you decide to tell him what’s wrong. “The news- They said another person has been killed…A-And i knew the person who was killed, Ive known all the people who’ve died this week! What-what if someone is out to hurt me? What i-if i- die?” Your voice breaks as you speak your fears. He looks at you and brings you in for another hug.

“Oh babydoll it’s going to be okay im sure it’s nothing” He said calmly as she stroked your back and kissing the top of your head.

You sighed as you looked at him while you nodded your head. Maybe you were just being paranoid you thought, maybe this is just one big coincidence and you’ll be fine. Yea… you’ll be fine.

“Yea maybe you’re right” You didn’t sound too convinced with your own words but you try to shake off the feeling that something bad is happening.

“Come on babydoll lets get you into bed so you stop overthinking in that pretty little head of yours” His voice is so soft and sweet as he takes your hand in his and walks you two to the bedroom. When the both of you enter the room he tells you to lay down and then goes to get something. Thirty seconds later he comes back with your favorite blanket and stuffed animal and slides in bed next to you.

That night the two of you cuddle and have cute little conversations that help ease your overthinking. You fell asleep with him whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

What you didn’t know was that Bucky was panicking since he stepped foot into the apartment. He thought he had been caught when you attempted to stab him but luckily for him you were as clueless as ever.

~one week later~

You sighed as you watched the news and they reported the 8th murder in two weeks. And very unfortunately for you, you had known the persons who died…just like the rest of them. That really didn’t help with the overthinking that’s for sure.

It was around 4am when you decided to turn off the tv and head to bed. Your brows furrowed when you realized Bucky wasnt home yet. You thought maybe he had gotten an overnight shift at the garage but normally he tells you that. You decided to check ‘find my friends’ since it kinda worried you that he wasnt home.

When his location showed that he was at an apartment complex your heart sank. A thousand possibilities were running through your head as you threw some sweats on, grabbed your keys and headed out the door to find your boyfriend.

The whole car ride you were full of anxiety and your brain wouldn’t shut up. Once you pulled up to the complex you quickly ran to the car not in the mood to play around if he was fucking someone else. You followed the gps and walked right up to the front door but you noticed it was open slightly. So what did you do? You walked right into the dark apartment despite not knowing who or what you’d find.

But what you did find sent bile to your throat. There was a figure dressed in all black standing over who you thought was your boyfriend with a knife in their hand.

“BUCKY!” You screamed as you ran over to the body on the floor. It wasnt until you got up close that you realized that the person wasnt Bucky…It was the barista that served you your coffee this morning. Your thoughts ran wild as you mumbled incoherent words under your breath.

But those were quickly cut off once your heard the masked figured laughing. You whipped your head around and stared at the figure in horror.

“Oh Kotenok you’re so precious” The masked figured said as he slowly removed his mask. Your eyes widened as you saw who was under the mask… It was Bucky. You quickly stood up and backed away from him as you started to hyperventilate.

“W-What the hell?” You finally said after you finally slowed your breathing down. Bucky chuckled as he came closer to you and wiped some sweat off his forehead.

“I guess it’s finally time to tell you-“ He said as she took off the costume and dropped the knife. You stared at him as his hand come up to caress your cheek. “You see kotenok i never meant for any of this to happen- But these people-t-they flirt with you and get too close to you. And i cant have that, i cant have people wanting to take what’s mine. And see i wouldn’t mind so much that people mindlessly flirt with you… if you didn’t flirt back” He seethed as he grabbed your face.

You were speechless at his confession never in a million years did you think he’d do this. But the idea that you’re his motive, that he just wants to keep you to his self is intoxicating. You look up at him with doe eyes before you finally find the words to say.

“You do all of this to make sure that i stay yours” Your voice heightens in excitement as you wait for his response.

His grip tightens on your face as he speaks. “Yes kotenok i do- i cant stand the thought of someone else having you the way i do” He confess as his eyes darken at the way you smirk.

“That’s- the hottest thing i think you’ve ever said to me” Bucky smiles devilishly at your words and suddenly picks you up and pushes you against the wall. His lips are on yours within a seconds time and the kiss is the dirtiest thing you’ve ever done.

“Put the mask back on” The words come out breathless as your chest rises due to the lack of air. He smirks as he walks you over to the couch and lays you down before grabbing the mask and knife again. He put the mask back on and then slowly stalks towards you and he twirls the knife in his hand.

“Oh fuck” You whisper under your breath when he climbs on top of you. Even though you cant see his face you know for a fact he’s smirking. He wastes no time in ripping off your shirt along with your sweats leaving you in just your panties.

“So pretty” His voice comes out a little muffled as he speaks due to the mask but it made it so much hotter. He then takes the knife that he wiped off and drags it across your bare chest. Your breath hitches in your throat as the cool metal hits your skin. Bucky then drags the knife down your torso and slices your panties off and drags it across your bare pussy.

“Please” You beg as you grab the hand with the knife and place it on your stomach. He places the blade on your skin and digs it in just a little, “Mark me” Bucky wastes no time in carving his initials into your skin he leaves a little ‘J.B.B’ on your stomach, before wiping the blood away with his thumb. Your grab his thumb and slowly bring it to your mouth before you clean his thumb off.

“Fucking hell kotenok” He groans at your actions. Bucky grows impatient as he throws the knife across the room making note to pick it back up later. He then spreads your pussy and starts to play with your clit and your back arches in reaction.

“Please daddy” You beg and then he adds two fingers into you in a swift motion and chooses a relentless pace. This is the filthiest thing you’ve ever done but right now, in this moment you dont give a flying fuck.

The pleasure you feel is beyond intense as Bucky curls his fingers and hits your g-spot just right. You let out a screaming moan as your first orgasm bursts through you. “Oh fuck” You breathe out the best you can as you slowly takes off his pants and boxers exposing his hard cock standing at attention for you.

“I want you so bad please daddy” He doesn’t need much motivation after you give him the go ahead. Bucky slams his cock into you hard and fast and you scream in response to his movement.

“Yes yes yes” You chant as you sit up and wrap your arms around him as Bucky slams into you. The room is filled with the filthy noises of your pussy and his balls slapping your skin.

“Gonna fucking breed you kotenok” He grunts and picks up his speed chasing his high. You can feel your second orgasm build up as he talks about breeding you.

“Oh please breed me daddy- fuck- wanna be full of your babies” You plead as you grind your hips down on his cock earning a guttural moan from him.

“Yea? You want that your little slut? You wanna have my kids?” He asks even though he already knows the answer. You dont find the words to respond and just opt for nodding your head. And in turn Bucky changes the position so he’s back on top and he thrusts into you like never before. Your moans become louder and his pace gets rougher. The both of you end up finishing within a matter of minutes and once you do you take the mask off him and just stare at him.

You take a moment and rub your thumb over his bottom lip before you bring him into a passionate kiss. Bucky grunts into the kiss and wraps his arms around your waist lovingly. After you break the kiss you look into his blue eyes and smile softly.

“I love you” You whisper and put your forehead against his. In this moment you love him more than you ever thought possible. Did he murder someone? Yes. Did he kill almost a dozen people just for you? Yes. But he also did it because he loves you and that just makes your heart swell. You get an idea after a minute of just looking at him.

“Let’s clean this place up and then run away, Lets go some where else where it can be just us” You say with a pleading looking in your eyes. Bucky agrees and nods before getting you both dressed again.

The two of you clean up the mess and decide of what to do with the body before heading back home to pack your things. That night while in a way tragic was also the start of the rest of your lives together and you couldn’t be happier.

~the end~

i do not give permission for my work to me translated or copied on other websites

[stevie-petey]

can we get a halloween blurb? i’d love to see season 1-2 bug take the kids trick or treating or something cute along the lines of thay!!

I SAVED THIS BABY FOR HALLOWEEN !!! absolutely yes i miss writing bug with all the boys </33

enjoy !

"jonathan will be here any minute."

"why do we have to wait for him? its his fault hes late." dustin grumbles, tossing his pillow sack over his shoulder. the bag hits softly against the padding of his hulk costume.

you fix one of his skewed shoulder pads. "hes our ride, buddy. be nice."

"some candy would be nice."

ignoring your brother, you adjust your own costume. this year you let the party choose what you dressed as, and honestly you shouldve known better. the witch hat they shoved on your head is heavier than you ever thought possible and the fake, pointy nose they snickered at smells like feet.

jonathan, however, absolutely loves your costume.

"nice nose, bug." he snorts, flicking the fake tip with his finger. it wiggles in a gross, comedic way that agitates you further.

"i'll kill you."

will pokes his head to the front. "i think you look nice, y/n."

"and this is why you're my favorite, little bee."

will beams at you, looking painfully adorable in his quicksilver costume. the frayed edges of his suit tells you that joyce made it.

when mike sees you, he almost chokes on his candy. it takes lucas and jonathan aggressively swatting his back to dislodge the wafer. mike sputters on the ground, panting heavily. its truly a sight to see: lucas, dressed as blade, attacking mike, dressed as captain america.

"almost died." mike breathes out, pointing a lazy finger at your nose. "but that was so worth it."

you glare at the kid, kicking his padded stomach. he screeches and rolls on the ground to avoid your foot while dustin, lucas, and will all laugh.

jonathan stands to the side with them, watching you fondly. he hadnt worn a costume tonight. instead, he brought a backpack full of your old clothes and an extra jacket for you tonight. when you told him what the boys had wanted you to wear, he knew youd last only half the night. as much as you love to please the party, theres only so much you can last wearing an old, smelly plastic nose.

and jonathan is right. after the first few blocks around mikes neighborhood, he notices you ducking your head down as you pass strangers. a little girl screams when she sees you at one point.

"im sorry!" you shout to her mom, wincing. the woman glares at you and tugs her child away angrily. you turn and sigh, leaning against jonathan. "theres no way my costume is that scary."

jonathan rubs your side. "the nose is a bit... rough."

"im gonna kill mike."

"we both know it was dustins idea."

"hey, slowpokes!" mike shouts at you and jonathan. "hurry up, the rich are running out of the big candy bars!"

you tilt your head. "did he just say 'the rich'?"

jonathan kisses your head. "yeah. ive taught him well."

"he knows that hes the rich, right?" the wheelers practically live in a mansion, as far as youre concerned.

"not yet," tugging your hand, jonathan hurries your footsteps so as to not get yelled at by mike again. "hes in for a rude awakening when he realizes, though."

at some point in the night, sometime after dustin skins his knee running after a frog and you ditched the witch costume for the clothes jonathan brought you, the late october chill sets in.

will shivers slightly as he walks, his costume too thin to protect against the weather. dustin and the others are up ahead, eager to get to the last few houses before curfew. jonathan is with them. its his turn to knock on the door, anyways.

"you cold?" you ask will, not even bothering to wait for his response before taking your own jacket off. "here."

"no, im okay-" he tries to shrug it off, but you quickly zip the jacket, locking his small body inside.

"nope. cant have you getting sick. your mom would kill me."

will snorts. "my mom would never kill you. she loves you more than she loves me and jonathan."

you giggle, shoving him gently. "and i intend to keep it that way."

"y/n!" lucas calls over, waving a bag of cookies in the air. "this house gave us cookies. they suck. do you want 'em?"

"im good," you decline, shaking your head. "but dont be rude, im sure they were baked with love."

"more like baked with acid." dustin gags, spitting his out. he starts to wipe his tongue with the back of his hand and youre too tired to berate him.

will takes a bite and immediately spits his out as well. lucas and mike argue over who gets to chug water first to rid the taste in their mouths.

theyre a mess. a giant, chaotic, forceful mess.

but you catch jonathans eyes and find that hes staring at them fondly too. linking your arm through his, you rest your head against his shoulder. "what are we going to do with them, bee?"

jonathan laughs. "i have no idea."

[cconfusedkat]

Spooky month means spooky ideas and spooky ideas ??? Lead to AU's!! >:-D i was dwelling on it for a few months and wasn't really sure on how i wanted to create this up?? But nonetheless i managed :-]

"Vampyres of the Old Faith" is an AU centered around the sudden uprise of vampyr (which are the Bishops in this case) and the vampyre hunters intend to stop this revolt before it gets any worse !! This takes place in the eaaaarly 2000's ,,, so it's a modern au ,,, and is a little funny to consider that the vampyr are Old as hell and arent adapted well enough to modern society 😭😭

YIPPEE Now that i got that down here are the four main vampyres :-3c there is a Green Coven, Golden Coven, Blue Coven, and Purple Coven. Each vampyre is able to shapeshift into smaller forms—like how a vampyre can change into a bat—these four can turn into different animals !! Theyve all been alive for different amounts of time, yet 300 years ago they all managed to find eachother and create a pact of vampyr covens!!

Leshy is Def known as the cruelest and invasive one,, he does happen to be the only one to mess with the shaping and mirroring of reality,,,, which honestly is concerning the most 😭 throughout history people have claimed they've seen "a big tree creature walking and taking people's skin" ,,,, So the eldritch rumors are NOT very helpful for him-

Originally i wanted to give heket a hellhound form but i actually liked the snake form better :-] !! Deciding her outfit was a little complicated but ,,, i think it turned out well ? Hekets known for being the most angry and cold vampyre. Despite , yknow, using fire magick . HELP

Kallamar o kallamar !!! She is a siren and she stays only in the water :-) if her siblings needs to speak to her then they make sure to have a water circle in the middle of their meeting room so they can all talk with her there,,, kallamar is known for her manipulative tactics and ways of persuasion which help her catch and convert people into vampyrism

Lastly is our main coven leader Everyone knows that built up the ideas for a vampyre uprising would be none other thann Shamura 👍👍👍 known for their sadistic self and invincibility , using wind magick to get away with a variety of things in a literal snap of a finger ,,, because of being a vampyre longer than all of them they're uniquely the one with sensitivity to blood?? They can still take blood but they dont drink it as often as the other three do (minus the way leshy does it because he literally latches himself onto a victim's shoulder with his mouth ,,,, )

With all the vampyres in mind who are our hunters ???

Well here's the first three bigshots of the company >:-D Sozonius has been hunting and obtaining information about vampyr for years, narinder is fairly new to vampyr bounty hunting yet still exceeded the expectation of a regular bounty hunter (surprisingly the strongest 23 year old), and lamb only recently started researching the vampyr after they lost their mother to vampyrism,, they are mainly known for being a detective and trying to help people out with finding their lost family members or attempting to help revert a vampyr they found back into a mortal !!!!

The company (which im,,,, Honestly not sure of a name about still 😭 i dont know what to call it) has been a benefit to society more than they realize. The unmentioned references happen to be Forneus and Monch. The head scientist is Monch, and Forneus IS the founder of the company to hunt down vampyres! Shes lost her family to vampyrism all the same, especially her two sons (aym & baal) which were kidnapped by Shamura too since theyve stalked narinder and knew he had a fondness over those two kittens just as much as forneus did.

There are more roles within this universe,, ive also been trying to think of how many characters I could add into this,, BUT YEAH !!!! Something really silly and self indulgent over the past few days of making finalized refs for them :-D

Ive been kinda plotting out another secret story for Narinder on how *he* was the one who caused this sudden uprising,, how the betrayal of leaving his siblings caused them to rage in revolution,, but that can be for another time 🕺

[cajunfoxnight]

Hi really interested in this reconstruct Au!! Do you have more information about the story?

Oh Anon.. I hope you are ready for the can of worms you have just opened 😬

I should warn you tho, I am not the best at telling a story, and im worse at explaining one. However I also want to share this AU as its been something ive been working on for 8+ years, and while it is mostly a self indulgent Monster AU, full of stereotypical troupes and cliches, its also very important to me. I made this AU when I was not in a good place mentally and was using it as a way to cope with and express the feelings I was having at the time. Its changed a lot and truth be told its actually 2 story lines that combine to become 1 down the line. But for the sake of this ask, I will focus on talking about the Reconstruct backstory.

Anyway if youre still interested in what the story is about, then please continue reading! I will do my best to try not to babble too much but.. its going to happen anyway 😅

TW: So I should probably start off with mentioning that this AU does contain emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, and mention of body mutilation. Not that im going to go into the details of that here but thats just me covering my own ass :v At the point the story is at now, Gladion is much older than he is in the games/manga/anime. His actual age isnt fully known as the theme with this AU deals with time and interdimensional travel, so its hard to keep track of, but he appears to be in his early 20s. But for all intents and purposes he is an adult.

✨The story ✨ So the Reconstruct AU is something of a "bad ending" storyline.

So this story follows that of the canon for the beginning. Mohn disappeared when he fell through an Ultra Space worm hole that was opened, and his whereabouts are unknown. Lusamine still went into her crazy and Ultra Beast obsessed self, only concerned with youth, beauty, and keeping things as under her control as much as she can. Gladion steals TYPE:NULL and Lillie taking Nebby and running away. Lillie going to live with Kukui and Gladion joining Team Skull as their enforcer.

In this timeline, Lusamine, in her desperate need to have control of everything around her, decides that she will create her "perfect world" where she will surround herself with all of the things that she loves. A place where everything will be kept exactly the way she wants them, preserved for all of time, and where she wont ever be alone again. However she knows that she can not do this on her own, but knows who can. Someone younger, stronger, and already has knowledge about the UBs and Aether. Now the hard part is getting him to join her, but she has a plan for that.

Lusamine gets in contact with Guzma (as in this story he still "works" for her) and with the help of some choice words, a good sob story, and probably a fat check, she's able to convince him that she has changed and she wants help from him to convince Gladion of these things as well. Being that he and Gladion are so close, and obviously he trusts him so much, it shouldnt be hard for him to talk some sense into him, right? She does an amazing job at getting Guzma on her side, having him think that Gladion is just being a bratty, rebellious, edgy teen. After all, he comes from some nice rich family, could have anything he wants, and yet still chose to ran away, how bad could it have possibly been? Does he even realize how bad some of these kids have it? How badly HE had it?? So generally he thinks that Gladion is just over reacting/being dramatic. He doesnt know how good he's had it, obviously!

Guzma sets up this whole "ambush". He has Gladion come back to the shady house, getting him inside and cornering him in his room, where he is confronted by Lusamine. She puts on this big show of being the sorry mother just wanting her son back, going on about how she's changed and she didnt mean to do all of those horrible things and so on and so on. All she wants is them to be a family again, like they used to be, is that really so much to ask for? Gladion is already seeing right through this, he knows all of this is bs, but he cant seem to get anyone on his side. After all, the members of Team Skull never really liked him anyway and were only going along with it bc Guzma said so. Now with Guzma against him, he has no real back up. He cant fight back and he cant even escape. Despite his stubborn nature, he still cant overcome the hold his mother has on him after all those years. She very much has him between a rock and a hard place. So not having any other option, he is forced to go back home with her.

Once back home, Gladion's life is turned upside down as Lusamine does everything she can to keep him on a short leash. All freedom that he had is now gone, and he is constantly watched and monitored, its suffocating. Much like before, he's told how to dress, how to act, what to eat and how much, he cant even so much as get near a computer or phone without someone questioning him. He cant even bring out any of his pokemon bc Lusamine has deemed most of them "too dangerous" to have out all under the pretense of doing it for his safety. The only pokemon he's able to have around him is his Umbreon, and even then, she's given a electric collar that keeps her within the property of the house, so no chance of her running off in the middle of the night or anything. While Lusamine insists that shes not keeping him there against his will, she assures him that he's allowed to leave whenever he'd like. Tho she also warns him that if he leaves, then Lillie will be taking his place. She will not be left with an empty nest. Truth be told Lillie probably would have been the easier choice between the two, she also knows that Gladion would do anything to keep her safe. So using her as leverage is how she keeps control over Gladion.

One day Lusamine casually brings up about the "Reconstruct Project" to Gladion (keeping its details very vague), mentioning its something he could help her with, as she thinks he would be interested, He shuts it down saying that he wants no part of whatever she's doing. Lusamine doesnt prese the issue, only expressing disappointment that he wont even consider her offer, but she wont force him. Rather she doesnt want to force him as she wants him to join her willingly. (Even if "willingly" means she'll force his hand) She needs him for this Project. Gladion may be stubborn, but she is so much worse.

After their initial conversation, things only got a lot worse. While he had few freedoms since all of this has started, those are gone now. He becomes cut off from his Pokemon, from the outside, he hardly has a moment of peace where he doesnt feel like he's being questioned or ordered to do something. He really is like a prisoner in his own home (well, a place he once called that). His sanity is being chipped away at, and it comes down to 2 options. -He can either join onto this Reconstruct project, whatever it is. Not knowing what fate could await him or what Lusamine as planned, but at least he'd have a chance at having some sense of a life back and limited freedom.. -Or he can live the rest of his life as Lusamine's puppet, having no freedom or will of his own (<-which is also another story of its own). His life will practically be on auto pilot, forever chained to Aether but never having a say in anything.

It takes some time but eventually Gladion does break, and asks to join the Reconstruct Project, even tho he still has no idea what it is, but anything is better than the life he is living now.

Lusamine is absolutely delighted by this news! And almost instantly, life then turns around for Gladion. He finally is given back some freedom, if not more than what he had before. He is able to move around his home without question. He gets to eat more and better than he did before, putting on some much needed muscle. He's even getting a chance to walk around outside and around the property without having some kind of chaperone. Lusamine even invites him to join her at Aether to over see some projects that they are working on as well as helping with pokemon there. She lets him join her in outings in town, taking him to eat and so on. She's essentially love bombing him, and he hesitantly accepts. All the while this is going on, he still does not know what this Reconstruct Project is bc he cant seem to find any information on it, like it almost doesnt even exist. Whenever he asks about it, Lusamine either skirts around the question or tells him that then only thing he should be concerned about is being in his best physical condition as possible. She assures him that it'll all be worth it, and shes going to give him what he's always wanted: To be stronger. But in order to that, he's going to need some "upgrades. None of this does well to ease any concerns or fears he has, but he's already gotten this far, and he doesnt want to risk going to how things were before so.. whatever it is, he's in it for better or worse. Gladion undergoes a very extensive surgery, with about 80% of his body being "Reconstructed" (hence the name) from the ground up. Its some time later that he wakes up from a induced coma and when he does the reality of what has happened to him is made clear. He is no longer human, or rather, not completely. His body a patch worked mess, a terrible jigsaw amalgamation of human and (shiny) Silvally. Lusamine delivered on her promise to make him stronger, even if she left out the finer details of it.. So that is the Reconstruct story line, or the start of it anyway. From here the story follows along with Gladion changing his name to "Reconstruct" as he has convinced himself that who he once was is no longer him. That part of him died long before it got to this point. His job is that of a glorified errand boy and protector of Aether. He mostly travels through Ultra Space and to different worlds/time to gather up UBs for Lusamine so that she can create her "perfect world". He travels through the worm holes with the aid of an altered Dusk Mane Solgaleo who has been fitted with pieces of Necrozma Armor, that acts a lot like NULL's inhibitor helmet. While its an odd life and something he would have never imagined for himself. He is still very much tied to Aether, at least in this way he has some sense of purpose and freedom. Tho in his time of traveling he has seen much, including other versions of himself (Gladion) living out lives that he knows he could never have, being with people that he cared about, knowing that he cant ever go back to how things were. He's very lonely, bitter, and jaded at the world and others. He's closed off, quick to anger, and untrusting of others. His only real reason to keep going despite everything thats happened is bc of Lillie, as knowing that at least this way he can still protect her. He is content enough to live the rest of his life like this. Even if he has to do it alone. Trying not to think about what might happened when he finishes his mission.. but, well, life certainly has a way of surprising you. And that is the story! I admit that I am going to be very surprised to know if anyone actually read all of this, but if you did please know you have my many thanks and my apologies 😅

[youremyheaven]

hi, this is my second time sending it and i pray you receive it. i'm the 22yo anon with the relationships, social dread and sexuality question. ill try my best to rewrite as quick as possible. i would like to be guided and need your big sister advise,,, i don't know how to ask and word my issues smoothly 😓😓,,, (context- ive known to be demiromantic and little to no fixation on sex, on the asexual spectrum?) so i just turned 22 and have a crush and looks like he too likes me the same and im sure its going to get serious,, i have been nervous about talking about my preferences with my crush because someday i have to explain to them because i have friends and peers around me asking me to "get some" and that it's normal and it's how it'll change my asexuality?? to them im just faking being uncomfortable around bed talk even though i agree i can be the holiest nun but i do catch myself having the highest libido therefore take care of myself without needing anyone from time to time. pleasing for me felt like an annoying itch that needed to be scratched like most people,,, corn doesn't do it for me so I never understood the hype and didn't feel a thing,,, yes I have crushes but im not aching and wanting to bang them,, a bunch of my peers have at a young age and unsafely which got one of them pregnant, being in indian society it's looked down upon and what my friend had to go through was rough and it had a huge impact,,, though my parents are forward thinking people and openly and safely talked about this topic with me without having shame tied to it and my mother also makes it a comfortable space,, im not shaming anyone who engages in activities like these and i also understand that its human nature and it's how we procreate and evolve yet i still get very uncomfortable around sexual scenes in movies maybe it's my own childhood trauma causing this feeling of dread and discomfort from my childhood,,,,

besides my friends and family, i shared my asexuality to my aunt and baby cousin,,,,, they were supportive but kept being skeptic like my peers would saying this is temporary 💀 that i need to get laid asap which bothered me sm,,, my cousin now (a party, club going personality) too has engaged in activities with her exes since she was a preteen and im the only one in the fam who knows (desi household is no joke) and im worried for her safety though she seems independent but i do feel concerned and wonder if i should let her be because she has been distant and lord knows who she is with next,,,,she's much much younger but coming from a wealthy family kinda looks down on me and for not having any relationship experiences so distanced herself from me which hurts,,, bottom line i feel ostracized to a degree by people i care about and there is this insane pressure to have to talk about my trauma and issues around sex,,, as they say it's a man's birth right and they all want it at some point and so will your crush or men will leave you the minute they get that repulsion??😓

i might consider it for my man someday but i don't want it to affect my relationship with men??

how do i face people when im not taken seriously or call it a nun phase? i don't want to lose men over this and who better than you to ask,,,, im typing and im all teared up,,, i need clarity on how to approach this better without having internalized any pain, guilt for feeling the way i do. you can answer when you're ready and sorry i made it too long 😞😣

This is my third attempt

"this is my third attempt" 😭😭😭

girlie ur not going for JEE mains 😭😭this is just my inbox

(for non desis, JEE is a highly competitive college entrance exam,, ppl prepare for it for YEARS and some ppl commit suicide when they cant crack it 🤡 explaining it is taking the fun away from the joke but thought id give u context <33)

but ANYWAYYYS

first of all dont apologize for the long ask or for sharing your experiences,, I GOTCHU 😘💛

now about your question:

one thing u need to know is that the right person will NEVER EVER make u feel "compelled" to have sex,, ive had partners during my celibate era who i didnt even kiss lol and they were entirely fine with it

pls dont listen to your friends and family and believe that sex is something you OWE your partner/men. i had many nasty friends tell me the same or try to convince me that i "should" do it bc otherwise its not a "real" relationship and im so glad i never listened to them<33

i also know many women who are waiting for marriage to have sex but have boyfriends atm. they all have different degrees of intimacy that they're okay with (some go up to oral and leave penetrative intercourse for marriage, others just kiss, makeout and cuddle) but u can also have a zero intimacy relationship. if a man wants you and wants to be with you, HE WILL DO ANYTHING. i once told a guy (he was 21 and i was 23 and he wanted to date me) that im celibate and dont want to have sex and he said "thats perfectly fine, i didnt ask you out to sleep with you, i want to be with you, whatever your terms are, thats fine by me" and honestly there are MANY such dudes out there,, not every guy is a porn addicted weirdo who believes u OWE them sex 🤮🤢🤢🤮

u dont have to have casual sex if you dont want to!! esp since you're a virgin, i think its important for you to be wise about your partner and choose someone who is considerate and caring!!! THIS IS NOT A RACE, you can have sex later in life, i assure you its nothing special if you feel "compelled" to do it/dont like your partner/dont feel comfortable.

having another person inside u is as intimate as two people can be and it is so vulnerable,, dont rush it and dont do it with someone u dont trust to take you through the experience tenderly!!!

i think you just need to drop your friends lol,, they sound unhealthy

if i dont include my r4pist, then ive had sex with 3 people (i dont actually want to include baldie tbh but 🤢🤮) and 2 of those were with a partner (1 is my current partner) and those experiences were so pleasant and wonderful<3 ive had people tell me i "should" try casual sex 🙄but its not for me and even now i tell you, i have no issues staying celibate, i think its better to just not have sex than to have dissatisfying sex ://

you wont "lose" men over sex lol, you might lose immature men but those are exactly the guys u want nothing to do with!!! its a great way to weed them out!!!

i follow a 5 date rule with sex actually. i have to like him enough to go on atleast 5 dates with him before we do anything intimate,, if he seems impatient or too eager or whatever, then cut his nasty ass out,,

(this is just general advice for anyone, i know you dont want to have sex<3)

stop telling people your personal business btw!! you dont have to share your sex life or lack thereof with all your friends bc its none of their business at the end of the day. ESPECIALLY since they dont seem to understand where youre coming from, you should stop sharing this stuff with them. this is not info that you owe them just bc ya'll are friends. i absolutely hate sharing my personal business with my "friends" and all the times i have, i absolutely regretted it. i hate that kind of interference. like YOU dont get to have an opinion about my life lol??

basically, stay private, you do you, nothing wrong with being asexual or being celibate, sex is overhyped and most men dont know how to fck (sorry to speak facts) and the right partner wont want sex from you. there are men who take care of bedridden partners. love makes anything possible. and i hope you find someone who truly genuinely loves you so that you never have to worry about any of this.

i also hope you get better friends!!!<33

wishing u the best,

Heaven<3

[mazzystargirl]

ok living up to pinned post w some true confessions/dark secrets… so basically after i tried to kms in 2021 fall and went to the hospital i entered a really intense slut era and like started impulsively spending money and stuff too and i didnt have a job so i was like oh omg having a sugar daddy would work out really well for me and also i wanted to do things that would be like damaging or whatever idk why i did it rly. but anyway i engaged in some sugar baby behaviors. and then that winter break i went home from school and met up w some of my friends who ive known since i was a kid. now i have to give a little bit of context here cuz its important. so i have these 3 friends, one of whom ive known since i was 3 years old (N) and the other two since i was like 7 (S and J). and we all live in a very tight knit neighborhood/cultural community where mostly everyone knows everyone. and so my 3 friends parents know my parents. i guess you can see where this is going… but anyway i told them i had a sugar daddy or like it came up in conversation idk. and that was that. then literally the following AUGUSTTTT my mom comes to me and is like oh so some people in the neighborhood have been saying that you’ve been engaging in risky behaviors with older men and that youve been meeting them in hotels. so obviously i denied it very emphatically and tried to pry out who tf she heard that from and honestly i was like what like who could have even spread that and she said J’s mom told her and was lowkey rly cagey about it bc she didnt want to “break her daughter’s trust” and had asked other aunties about the situation like wtfff… and then i remembered i had mentioned to them over winter break so she must have fucking told her mommmm. i decided to assume best intent and chose to believe she was worried abt me and thats why she told her mom so i messaged her like hi did u tell ur mom abt this and i appreciate ur concern but i would have appreciated it if maybe u came to me directly and checked on me it would have been better and u lowkey hurt my feelings cuz now im stressed and anxious and don’t know whos saying what abt me etc etc. and then…

she fucking LIEDDDDD she said she didnt say anything to her mom AND that her mom didnt say anything to my mom!?? which i know is fucking bullshitttt 😭 like it makes 0 sense like if no one said anything is my mom just pulling shit out of the air and if she was how would she land straight on the money like that it just doesnt add up. so i was like um ok ?? uh have a good day. and decided to let it go and i lowkey don’t speak to her anymore and i told N and S that im not speaking to her but they can hang out w her if they want. and i forgot abt it.

but now i just moved back home after finishing school and its lowkey been eating away at me. it hurts me that she was my friend for 13 years and its all up in flames and i never got any closure or an apology or even her to admit or acknowledge the situation?? it hurts me to be at home worried abt what people are saying or thinking about me. i know i shouldnt care but what other people think of me bothers me. im not ashamed of myself and my choices but i don’t want other people to think less of me. i don’t want to reach out to her bc what if she doesn’t care at all about the situation ??? i don’t want to be like this has been eating at me forever and it really hurt me and her to be like what r u talking about i don’t think about you at all. she also just got into med school and im happy for her for real like glad shes doing well its just like. she hurt my feelings really bad :(

anyway if you read this far… what should i do 🥲 is the only path forward trying to let go… tbh i think i just need someone to validate my feelings like am i right to be hurt or is it all my fault and should i beg for forgiveness 😭 like my friend N got coffee w her a couple weeks ago and brought it up to me twice what does that even meannnn

[dontfindmerain]

um-

What about-

What about some angst? Like- anything you wants, just angst

ohohoho

you have no idea what you've done >:)

"Hey, it's Wil, can't answer the phone right now, so leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can. BEEP." You hang up the phone without bothering to leave a message.

He’s been on tour with his band for weeks now and hasn’t messaged you or called you once, which was extremely worrying after you had met at the local coffee shop at least once every week for the past year. Maybe you were just being unreasonably worried, but you shot him a text anyway.

‘hey im sorry ive been calling u so much

just worried cus we havent talked since u left

hope u r doing ok :)’

He opened it. He opened it. Your heart beat quickly when the typing bubble popped up, grateful that he was finally responding.

And it sunk to your stomach immediately when his response glared back at you from your screen.

‘ok’

What? That’s it? After all that concern, all the pacing, all the tears, that was what he had to say? ‘Ok’?

What the fuck?

You were furious, and saddened but that didn't matter. How could he ignore you for so long and then respond like that? You had been considering surprising him by flying out to see the last leg of the tour tomorrow, but now…

No. You would still go, maybe he was just busy and exhausted from the constant moving around.

When you get to the barricade, waiting for Lovejoy to come on stage, your heart is racing. And when Wilbur walks out? You swear to gods there is no one else in the world.

He is incredibly happy, glowing in the wave of cheers radiating from the crowd. The only thing you can do is stare in awe the entire concert. You can barely hear the music, only a faint buzz as your mind is filled with him.

When it’s over and Mark leads you backstage to visit Wil, you run up to him, spilling out congratulations and praise for how great he is at this. Sorries falling from your lips for not going to every show. You stop when he gently grabs your wrist and takes you to a private room.

“What are you doing here?” he mutters, his face a mixture of confusion and… annoyance? What?

“I came to support you, Wilbur! And I’m so glad I did because you guys were fant-”

“Okay, okay, stop.” His tone was too firm. Too angry.

Silence washed over you and mingled with fear. Did you really upset him?

“I get that you want to support me and that we’re friends and all but did you have to come here? Especially backstage? I mean, for gods’ sake, you couldn’t have waited until I got back to england?”

You didn’t know what to say, you wanted to see him, to tell him…

“I came here because…

because I love you, Wilbur.”

He just looked at you for a moment, and then sighed. “Goddammit, darli- Y/n. I should've known,” he brought his hands up to his face and dragged them down in exasperation, “Y/n, I don’t… you’re like a sister to me, yeah? I don’t know where this,” he gestured wildly at you, “infatuation came from, but it needs to stop. You’re a great friend really, but I don’t feel that way about you.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach, the evidence of your hurt painted across your face and his annoyance resting on his.

“I… I think I’ll go now,” you whisper quietly, needing to leave before the tears began.

“No- come on now, darling- Don’t go, lets talk about this-” but you were already walking, no, running away from him. You ran out into the dark night, the streets were busy and you didn’t know where you were, you just kept running and running and running-

And you didn’t see that car. It didn’t see you either.

[mewcharm]

health + life update

hi, for those who have been around for a bit now, i thought id share some new information regarding my health!

for a while now I’ve voiced my concerns regarding me having long covid, and i finally found out what it was! i was diagnosed with athsma… freaky! doctors said it was pretty ugly, so, now im on medicine to hopefully tame the thing.

since that was figured out, a lot of things were kind of culminating into a biggg mental health crash. i couldn’t function well due to intrusive thoughts, and my brain started finding things to cling to and obsess over. ive been evaluating my options and have decided to pursue therapy and maybe see if I have ocd. a lot of my symptoms fall in line with something like that, but we will have to see what my doctors think.

it’s really hard, not to blame yourself for the actions of your abusers. you once loved them as friends, or partners - and they hurt you irreparably, leaving you with all the weight. “I could’ve done more,” id cry, when i really did my best. id do something entirely innocent and okay, and intrusive thoughts would swallow me whole, insisting i had ulterior motives. i won’t lie, after getting the short end of the stick for a whole year, you start thinking it may be you did something to deserve it.

if you’re reading this, and resonate with it - i feel sorrow for you. it’s horrible to cope with, especially when people in your past were so deplorable. you’re out the other end now, and you can only go up from here. keep people who understand you close, and cherish them. protect your peace.

all that sad stuff out of the way, though…

im migrating here for reals!

it’s a big decision, one im very nervous about - especially since art is my job. i was mainly known over on twitter for my work, and i don’t doubt business will be slow for me during this transition, but i have amazing people by my side wanting to uplift and support me. i wouldn’t be able to make art my job without my followers, mutuals, and friends being here and sticking with me over the years. thank you all!

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

Misconduct Chapter 4

For the ending portion i didn’t write in an outfit cause well, personally i like to leave the reader the freedom to add in their own style. Not everyone would like/be comfortable in my own preferences, so I try to allow for freedom on your end. (also cause some fics ive read i say im not wearing that)

Of course Tseng confiscated the PHS. Gifting Genesis with another one and sending him off to training as there was ‘still another hour left’. Though, not before chewing Genesis out for nearly ten minutes on why he should constantly be in the loop for any activity or extra measures being taken in regards to your case. Taking time out to point out that it’s also a ‘safety concern’. Though Genesis was suspicious that Tseng was trying to sneak in petty things to provide Genesis with the reasons he was in this predicament. He certainly didn’t seem to be the most excited to work with the SOLDIER. 

The room the class was held in was dark when he walked in, interrupting what appeared to be an Intro to Materia video. For once Genesis didn’t appreciate all eyes being on him as the room full of Third Class SOLDIERs looked over at him.Gaining more than a few puzzled looks as Genesis made himself comfortable in the desk across from the instructor’s. This is probably the first time he’s felt awkward making his presence known, quite familiar with being the center of attention. Despite this, he wasn’t going to hide in the back, Genesis having always been the type to sit at the front of any and every class he attends. Looking around the room and meeting everyone’s gaze with a disapproving scowl, prompting everyone to quickly refocus on the video. 

Leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed with a huff, legs spread apart wide enough to call it a whorish display. Quietly regarding the instructor at her position in front of the projector screen, fully expecting her to continue teaching. An eyebrow raised in question as she stared back at him with an excited look on her face.

“Is there something you need?” 

Offering a brief apology before explaining that she had a discussion with Director Lazard and Tseng while they added Genesis into the training program. Inquiring if he could assist in the training of new recruits with materia handling along with a Materia Fusion training starting tomorrow. His level of experience, expertise along with his rank and accomplishments being the source of her request. Deciding to mention the lack of inclusion on making decisions on his behalf the moment he saw either one of them.

An odd proposition considering he was placed here partially due to the mishandling of materia. Though, it would be a bit of an upgrade from being a student. In his mind taking it as a leadership role. The idea of teaching helped heal a bit of Genesis’ currently bruised ego. Giving a few visual presentations in the near future didn’t sound like a horrible plan, “Sure, I suppose I wouldn’t mind while I’m around.” What would be the harm in giving a helping hand? Besides the ancient training video they were watching hadn’t changed from the year he became a third class. It was unbelievable they hadn’t updated a single thing to progress the teachings of their soldiers on how to use something as vital as materia. Maybe that’s why SOLDIERs like the Fair boy were becoming a little more common. They didn’t even bother to share new information with their educators, how could they expect the next coming wave of SOLDIER to be of any use.

The materia instructor was clearly overly excited about this opportunity. Whether it was out of genuine delight for teaching the arts of materia or if it was the way she was openly fawning over Genesis in front of everyone had yet to be determined. Resuming her current lesson plan after thanking him profusely, occasionally receiving input or a correction in terminology from Genesis. He truly didn’t mean to offend the instructor. Frankly, she appeared to be trying her hardest. There was no getting around the simple fact that the information was from an old program. It taught the basics at least. 

Lingering around to discuss his role in teaching the class to the instructor. Genesis wasn’t one to deny such a gorgeous individual of his attention, considering she was clearly seeking it out. Easily standing over the short blonde woman, her straight light blonde hair framing her face and falling well past her shoulders. Light blue eyes admiring his features as he approached her desk. Her anticipation was clear as day as Genesis stood in front of her desk with a mischievous smirk tugging at his lips. ‘I could have a bit of fun with this.’ 

“I apologize for being so rude. I don’t believe I caught your name, love.” Genesis’ flirtatious smile comes off as inviting as he grins a bit more, showing off his perfect white teeth as she blushes under his steady eye contact. Her eyes darted down shyly at his question. 

“Erva,” she timidly responds, her voice now a far contrast from the confidence displayed during her lesson. 

‘A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.’ His eyes trailing along her soft features, round face and big eyes partially hidden behind bangs. Genesis wasn’t looking for anything remotely serious but there was no harm in a bit of flirting. Perhaps he could bring her home for a night if her personality appealed to him as well, so far she seemed more than sweet enough. “Well Erva, I’m honored to assist you as long as I remain in your presence. I was thinking I could bring some training material of my own. I’m sure I have more than enough information to provide, it would make for a better guide than the standard Shinra issued tutorial.” 

Erva, doing her best to contain her excitement at the thought of the, Genesis Rhapsodos, creating a lesson plan that would improve the knowledge of those to come. Dually this would further her own learning, being given an opportunity to delve a bit deeper into such an important subject. With a starry eye gaze she nods her head, her enthusiasm coming off as endearing to Genesis. “Of course, if there’s anything I can help you with, please, don’t hesitate to let me know.” 

She couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Genesis' mouth when he mentioned he was “honored” to teach alongside her. Erva nearly had a hard time understanding Genesis would see this as a positive thing, thinking he would have to be heavily coaxed into putting in that kind of time and effort. 

Extending a gloved hand to Erva, a sense of bliss overcame him as she daintily took his hand in her own. Her features reddened deeply as he shook her hand, still not missing a moment of eye contact. Thanking Erva for having him attend her class before exiting the small classroom. 

“Genesis!” 

Turning his head to acknowledge whoever would be so rude they would dare shout at him in such a way, or at all for that matter. Genesis’ eyes rolling as he sees the source of the unnecessary noises bounding towards him. “Fair.” this wasn’t the same warm aura he had a few seconds prior upon spotting Zack. He didn’t dislike the Third Class, in fact he had grown fond of Zack and his puppy-like ways. Even going out of his way to teach Zack a few tricks from time to time. Typically things Angeal didn’t approve of Zack being shown quite yet. There was a reason it took nearly a year for anyone to let Zack within 20 feet of the materia room without use of the buddy system. Kunsel often the one to supervise Zack on his way through the portion of the building.

Zack was practically shaking with energy, bouncing from one foot to the other. His expression of constant excitement still plastered all over his face. “Angeal has been looking for you everywhere man. Somethin’ about you leaving the other day and you haven’t spoke to em since. What’d he do to you?” Zack didn’t actually think Angeal had done anything wrong and if he did that would certainly come as a surprise. Yet, never the type to point the blame on anyone, also being a bit curious on the matter as a rumor had been going around Shinra that Genesis was taken off duty. He had no information on his current situation and needed to pry a bit.

“Nobody has done anything to me, Zack,” it felt like an absolute lie to say. It had nothing to do with Angeal anyway, Genesis had no ill emotions held to either of the First Class SOLDIERS. “I’ve been busy with a new assignment.” 

“Oh really? I heard you were relieved of your duties. Anyways, gotta get going, training and all of that. Later!” 

Watching Zack’s retreating form for a brief moment, Genesis’ brow furrowing in concern at his words. ‘How would Zack, of all people, know that.’ It didn’t bother Genesis too terribly, after all, he was on assignment. He was working under the Turks for a while, that was all. To think this would even turn into a rumor was outrageous. Already having in mind to pay Angeal and Sephiroth a visit, making Genesis’ need to do so double down as he immediately heads towards their shared office. 

Borderline power walking to their office once he left the elevator. The door flew open, hinges creaking in protest as Genesis burst through the door. The occupants momentarily stunned as the tension in the air thickened as Genesis slammed the door behind him. 

“Who told Fair I’ve been relieved of my SOLDIER duties? I don’t recall it being any of his business.” 

The initial shock quickly wore off as Genesis speaks, replaced with annoyance on Angeal’s part. The reaction earned a smirk from Sephiroth, he hadn’t communicated with Genesis since the day he pushed his buttons at the elevator. He barely did anything to tip Genesis off in his eyes, teasing in the same manner their banter usually consists of.  

“How would we know? You haven’t talked to us since you got back from your mission.” Sephiroth’s voice rang out as he set his pen down. Giving Genesis a look of confusion, his smirk disappearing at his accusation. Genesis could see right through his deception, not being fooled by Sephiroth’s words in the slightest.

Angeal huffs, exchanging a knowing look with Sephiroth, their expressions suggesting they knew more than they were letting on. The subject on hand wasn’t something that should have been a big deal. They knew Genesis wouldn’t be happy to hear he was the topic of the latest Shirna gossip. It was inevitable as other SOLDIER members talked amongst themselves as they saw Genesis was removed from several upcoming missions.

Assuming Genesis heard a version of the story that had been twisted in order for it to seem like something worse than the reality of it all, Angeal attempts to smooth over Genesis’ anger before he went off the deep end over something so trivial. 

“We didn’t hear any details, we heard you were being taken off of any assignments for the foreseeable future. We’ve also been informed by Lazard that we aren’t to attempt to utilize you for SOLDIER roles as you work under Tseng until further notice,” Angeal explained in hopes that it would disincline his red haired companion from making much of a ruckus about such a petty thing. “I was hoping you would be in the mood to finally tell us what’s been going on.” 

“It’s kind of not fair to leave us in the dark like this. You would expect an explanation from us, no?” Sephiroth was right, Genesis would fully have wanted to know every single second leading up to now, fully expecting the only thing to stop them from talking about work have been confidentiality clauses. Even that was a big maybe. 

“I-” picking his words wisely as all three of them know the likeness of any conversation held in the building are more than likely recorded. Especially in more private locations through the building such as the offices. Genesis expression displaying annoyance once he realized he couldn’t freely vent. “Are you going to lunch at the typical time?” 

“Yes, same place as well.” Sephiroth replied knowingly. Cogs turning in his head as worry takes over, concerned as to what the future of Genesis may entail. He didn’t let it show physically, leaning back in his chair comfortably as he looked Genesis over from head to toe. Seeing that he appeared physically fine at least pacifying some of his concerns. 

“I’ll meet you there.”

Sephiroth and Angeal patiently waited at the booth in the back of the small diner. From the looks of the place one wouldn’t think that any of the Firsts would dare stop there. While in nice, clean condition the interior was extremely outdated. Still clinging onto the vintage style that’s probably been around since the day it was built. Six red booth seats lining the left side of the small business. A wooden bar with stools lined up along the counter situated along the right side of the establishment. 

“Always the last one to show up,” Angeal shifted in his seat as Genesis sat in the booth beside him. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah,” Genesis wasn’t sure where to begin. He damn near had not a single clue what was going on. While he did receive a lot of information on his new assignment, he couldn’t help but feel left in the dark. He would’ve cracked a small grin at Angeal’s jab at his punctuality if it wasn’t for him genuinely making an attempt to be there in time. “I had to get rid of that stupid phone Tseng gave me. He was blunt about tracking my location, no doubt he’s sitting at his desk listening to me all day.” 

“This is already sounding worse than what I was expecting,” Sephiroth said, his eyebrow raising, lips parted as he was following up with another statement. Leaning over the table, forearms supporting his current posture, speaking in more of a hushed whisper than he previously had been. “Nod if you need help.”

“Yes!” Genesis announced nodding his head vigorously, still trying to maintain a low tone but he couldn’t help the stress bubbling out of his soul. Earning a puzzled look from both of his companions, anticipating the rant they knew was to come. 

“I have no idea what the fuck is going on. All I know is I’m supposed to follow some bitch around for Goddess knows how long and possibly be their friend so I can get information from them.” Genesis props his elbow on the table, thumb placed on his temple as he rubs his forehead in a display of distress. “It’s like I’m their newly appointed probation officer.”

“So it’s an espionage mission?” Sephiroth asks, feeling suspicious of the task the Turks and Lazard set Genesis to handle. 

Angeal interjecting the conversation this time, “They’ve always been notorious for telling us little to nothing whenever they ask for help. I can’t say I’m surprised they’ve got you going in blind.” 

Genesis couldn’t say he was going into this without knowing a single thing. He’s found out a lot about you, rather everything Tseng wanted him to know about you. Explaining to Angeal and Sephiroth what occurred during the discussion between Lazard and Genesis that led to this point. Giving an in depth explanation of your background and what you’re currently known ties to the increase in crime on the top plate. The only thing missing was the oversized file Genesis received for this. Making sure he doesn’t skip details about the requests Tseng has made as far as keeping tabs on you The mentions of using Genesis to assist in pinpointing a drug dealer leaving the other two stumped. “Can you imagine my disbelief when I learned I see this person more or less everyday in traffic, let alone living within walking distance of me?!” 

Quieting himself down when the waiter behind the bar eyed him curiously as he wiped down the counter. He was quite adjusted to these three coming in for lunch or a general meetup. Taking the silent cue from Angeal’s lingering eye contact, the waiter enters the back room in order to give the three more privacy.

Crossing his arms while making an attempt to relax in his seat, Genesis’ back pressed against the soft red cushion of the backrest. “Tseng says, when they move, I move. I've done nothing to deserve this.” The sight was teetering on childlike behavior. Letting out an exasperated huff as he slumped in his seat.

Genesis could've had it worse in both Sephiroth and Angeal’s perspective. It wasn't the greatest thing in the world, but Genesis didn't have to do anything besides solely focus on this one assignment and a bit of training? The downsides being he would constantly be on call alongside with the inability to leave Midgar on a whim. But how often would Genesis really be leaving anyway. Sephiroth’s statement wasn't meant to be a jab at Genesis’ situation, rather an astute observation. 

“Genesis, you destroyed a historical landmark.” 

“And blatantly ignored orders…again.” Angeal quipped in, immediately earning a glare from Genesis.

“Who’s side are you on?” Genesis sounded insulted at being called out by Angeal’s additional comment.  

Angeal didn’t get to entertain a response, the words dying on the tip of his tongue as he saw the bright red hair of Reno in his peripheral vision. He’s not even sure he heard the usual chime announcing when a new patron has entered. It only took a few seconds before Reno made his way through the small space, his destination clearly being where they’re seated. 

Rude followed through the door a split second after, taking his position beside Reno and nodding at the three as a silent greeting. 

Pulling out the PHS from the inner pocket of Rude’s suit, handing it back to Genesis while giving what everyone could only assume was a disapproving look behind his shades. “I’m sure you’ve been informed how important it is to keep this with you at all times.” 

If being traced down by these two wasn’t bad enough, the moment Reno grabbed him by the shoulders to physically pull him out of his seat by the pauldrons was worse. Hearing Sephiroth’s light chuckle at being handled in such a way by Reno sent Genesis further down a path of anger, pushing against the eccentric Turk as he was brought to his feet. 

Embarrassing was certainly the word for it. Taken off guard by just how strong Reno was, his grip unrelenting in Genesis squirmish. Giving him a light push forward down the aisle as Reno let him go, following behind Genesis with Rude in tow. “We don't like having things added to our to-do list. No hiding next time.” 

“Do not touch me again,” Genesis’ voice carried an unspoken threat, as he was ushered out of the door, not even being allowed the time to say anything else to Sephiroth and Angeal. 

“We have to get you ready, you have a big night ahead of you.” Reno states, a hint of mischievous coating his tone. 

Gears were turning in Genesis' mind as he made an attempt to set his anger to the side and figure out what the next turn of events could possibly hold for him. “What do you mean by that?” 

Genesis' eyes narrow at the statement, stopping in his tracks before they could urge him further along. 

Reno, who couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself, once again grabbed Genesis by the shoulders. His grip was more gentle than the first time, but maintaining a closeness that made Genesis' skin crawl as he was urged in the direction of their car. 

If the list of reasons to rip Reno’s hands off wasn’t already long enough in Genesis’ mind, taking notice of the vehicle Genesis purposefully left at Shinra extended his reasoning by miles. Parked horribly and with the convertible roofing tucked away giving away that clearly someone had been enjoying themselves. 

“You stole my fucking car?” Genesis was damn near speechless for once in his life, firmly believing there was no possible way this could have been allowed. The look on his face screamed ‘let me speak to your supervisor.’ 

Rude finally decided to speak up while he rounds Genesis’ car, “You gave us a reason to, by hiding your PHS, not in the smartest place either.” Getting in the passenger seat, Reno following and to the utmost displeasure Genesis could imagine, despite the list of ongoing annoyances, Reno jumps over the door and into the backseat, gesturing for Genesis to be their driver. 

“Let’s go! You have work to tend to.” 

**Reader POV**

By the time you finally woke out of your slumber the sun had gone down, the living room now cloaked in darkness, the only light coming through your window provided by the patio lighting and soft moonlight. 

Sitting up, rubbing your eyes groggily as you try to regain your bearings. ‘My only off day and I slept it away?’ The rest was needed, but there were things you needed to do. Not conventionally fun for you, but now it was too late to turn down the invitation to a party you’ve already accepted. 

The scene was far from your type, never one for big social gatherings but at times being guilt tripped into going or calling yourself doing a favor for a friend by showing up. This party was no different, the knowledge that it would be held on the top plate made the circumstances slightly better. Still, there was no doubting it would be in one of the shadiest bars they could find. 

Keeping in mind that the “party” is supposed to be a small gathering. ‘Not how that usually works.’ You couldn’t push the reality of your upcoming night to the back of your mind. These gatherings always ended in some sort of rowdy fashion. 

Lazily climbing off of the couch and making your way to the bedroom with the half hearted intent of getting dressed, piecing together an outfit that you found to be suitable enough for a night full of unexpected turns. Looking over the outfit choice you nod your head in agreement at your own lovely taste. ‘Yeah, I could get hoes in this or fight them. Choice is theirs.’ 

Passing through the bedroom, you enter the connected master bathroom. Setting the shower to the perfect temperature, hopping in and taking your sweet time to get ready in the hopes of arriving late. 

This gathering was just as insufferable as all of the others. Finding yourself nursing a drink by yourself at a table tucked away from the night’s rowdy events. You weren’t that insociable that you wouldn’t greet your friends, providing them with the bare minimum amount of conversation you could before quickly taking time to unwind away from everyone else. A few drinks would be sure to get you in a friendlier mood, at least that was the hope. 

As you tilt your head up to finish off your first drink your eyes couldn’t miss the unmistakably good looking man who happened to catch your attention. Not an occurrence you came across frequently, mainly lacking interest when it came to messing around with people in general. However you could appreciate eye candy when you spot it. He seemed a bit overdressed for a bar like this. Despite it being on the top plate it was far from the nicest bar around.

Clad in a fairly expensive looking black suit, red dress shirt adding on to his already sharp looks.  Reddish brown hair stood out to you, tall and perfect ocean blue eyes to top off a very well put together…‘SOLDIER’ 

The mako glow of his eyes becomes more prominent as you examine the mystery man. Seeing him gave you a deja vu like sensation, you were unable to put your finger on it, but you were positive you’ve seen this guy before. As you were lost in thought checking out a total stranger, you didn’t have much time to tear your eyes away as he met your gaze.  

Now that he’s caught you red-handed it seems as though you’ve acquired his attention. Mako blue eyes grazing over your features making you squirm in your seat. ‘Fuck, now he’s coming over here’

***********

shoutout to my coworker for not wanting to go to a party, you helped me make this easier to have them cross paths for the first time

How dare I forget props to a very beautiful man who helped ke come up with Erva

[thejournallo]

hello, so glad to have found your acc🤍 i have some questions and some problems i want to talk about so i'm hoping you can help me! basically ive known about shifting for over 2 years, tried a few times, got symptoms but never really shifted(either lost interest in where i was going to ot got bored) but recently i have been so much more serious and i also have friends that are into shifting, and one of my friend is so knowledgeable about it, she is so close to shifting(maybe even did) and helps me out with my concerns, taught me sm but i don't wanna ask her all the time. so i know that im not just creating a fantasy world and that i'm going to a reality where the things i want already exist and so do i but i'm wondering if i can stay there till i die? i wanna go to somewhere where living for hundreds of years is possible and i can live for hundreds of years right? also i'm not planning on writing a script but rather being in my mind(i haven't decided yet) but things will go how i want right? like if i want to change smth later on can i or no harm will come to me or the people around me right? or if i script smth that will happen later but i forget about it or decide i don't want it anymore will it still happen or will i be able to change it? i keep getting negative thoughts and it makes me really anxious :( i hope you can help me out with my questions and validate me a little🙏 have a nice day! 🤍🤍 sorry if i talked too much :(

My dear, you don't have to apologize for talking too much! All your questions are legit and actually smart questions to ask!

I want to reassure you by saying that negative talk and toughts are really common when we first start shifting, and you can fight them off. When I had them, I often stopped myself and said, "Those are not my true thoughts; those are the thoughts of dought, and I don't dought myself or the universe." It really helps.

Now about the questions! (here is the link from when i talked about shifting, in case it can help)

I can stay there till I die? / i can live for hundreds of years right?

I already talked about how time works and how we can make it work. To answer directly your question, you can do that, but you have to be aware that you will come back to your-age once you die there, and that could be a shock to you because you already lived a life. Imagine five from the umbrella academy that went back to his younger self. It can be like this, but with more shock because you didn't predict it. So living for hundreds of years could be fun to do. I suggest you script (or make sure to remember) how times will work for you. for example:  2 years in your dr are 2 hours of sleep here, and I will come back every 2 years. It would be less of a shock and more of a routine that settles itself like this.

things will go how i want right? / if i want to change smth later on can i or no harm will come to me or the people around me right? / will i still be able to change something that i don't want it to happen anymore?

You have to think of it as another life and world. The only difference is that we can decide if we want the power to control it or not. For me, I always liked the fact that I can't control what happens, but if I want something to happen, I just write it or say it to my doctor. So yes, if you want, everything can and will go the right way for you! No one will be hurt by your decision, not you or the people around you! Yes, everything you script can be easily changed here and in your DR. I usualy script that I have a diary where I can change my script right away in my DR, so I'm always updated, and I always remember what I script, so if I don't like it anymore, I simply write an x on it so I know that the scene won't happen. easy, fun, and helpful!

if you have other questions i will be more than happy to listen and be here for you through out your journey!

[solardick]

Some progress, maybe.

So K belongs to the chariot. With an overlay of justice and strength as harmony, though that card here proceeds the chariot with любовь. Should also be people, life and…. lion works. That waite’s card doesnt well describe a multitude.

Hanged the high priestess around too, but didn’t nullify one of the positions.

And so far, i have nothing but confirmation that the tarot is based on the Cyrillic alphabet. Particularly russian but, that is the only particular being looked at. Because well, russians are all spies and its deeply routed in pop media.

The chariot stands for in a word, politician. Holder of office. Public speaker, equestrian, enclosed space, and movement and battle. These are the literal definitions for letter K taken from a dictionary and not of my own. Just placing the card where. Though for it to be connected by tarot to the justice card, American justice, is fitting to a point considering a figure of authority. Save that the russian justice is card letter Ю. And is found no where near K. As it is for tarot being side by side.

Soeakign of the urkraimeian war, it’s like they’re all pretending to be russia on me while. My disposition is on ukraine, with no backing. At all. Quite the opposite of all. Uh. Ohweel. The homoscope says im supposed tonhave a day of confiendence and whatever bs. But the disease says nope. While the meds i got from the none english speaking doctor with bvery little comprehension say, it only works half the time. If that. Where there are no recognitions or reflections of any of the positive affirmitnf things i do. And only support and affirmations of the negative things i do in respose to the negative things i experienve from them. While spending a life time of witnessing , wathhinc other do far worse things and be rewarded or cast a blind eye too. Its mind boggling. An entire planets casting a war of ittrition in me with sexual

Abused, emotional and soychologicak abuse and negligence. Whike being serrounded by degenerate influences. Casting aid. Cant eait for saterday for another consistent case of diarrhea and gi track discomfort. Well that atttrition ear is over 25 ulyears old now with 14 year leading into that with mistreatment and estrangement. And all of mostly the same bs. Im goiing to go back and theeaten nuclear arms with my suicide. So can be abuse some mor e.. what a mind fuck. Lets see if i give up tarot that the abuse will end. Hahhah. Ok. Hey look! Im dhtting more blood. But thats ok. Its only my life. Not that that has ever mattered before. And the ffeling went away for maybe an hour or so yesterday. Go to go to work and be estranged and a used some more. Thats ok its the only thing ive ever known from other people.

Verified card letter M as the father to be unquestionably accurate. Set in stone. As for the tarot overlay. Its the wheel card, and the only thing missing from Cyrillic M is the machination, the automobile.

The next card of the hierophant or in this case tge patriarchate. Is an interresting find. Wherher it is kept on letter Hn or not. “ In 2018 the Moscow Patriarchate broke communion with the Ecumenical Patriarchate as a result of disputes over his decision to grant autocephaly to the Orthodox Church of Ukraine.” Schism between Constantinople and russia. Pretty much running independently from the rest. Though this is a present tense, it also fits the classic tense of the antiphony agsisnt protestant churches reformations and deviations which ran all thtough the “dark” ages. And on the side of ukraine rejecting the pope francis’ concerns. And to that also of most westerners rejection of the church completely with their hippy vibe lunar landing bs. So the pope or the hierophant or the patriarchate mostly receive a big letter Hn, cyrrently no, by most tarot reading enthusiasts.

And yet no one seems to care about the israel war with over 50 000 deaths during the last 2 years alone. What makes russia so special tonhave half the world interfering? Or the sudanese war or the Myanmar war. Somw of these going on for over 60 years with death tolls in the 10s of thousands. Pretty sure this collective wffort could have completly haultes all these other wars a ling time ago. So damned with all this selective approach bs preaching about world peace. Nonone ever joined my side when an older bigger stranger brother hit on me. Whats the difference? My country is a waste land of destruction and bombings with a bunch of perverts running through the desolation fucking all the dead dogs.

So im choosing the etteila cartes des dames death card for letter У(oo) seems fitting as the letter Y is the automatic association and confusion in recognition. Though i could also fit the Hn card. The letter Hn is a big letter comprised of many words. And so far as with Ha and He it’s negation. But also upwards. Si both fot so far. But it’ll be a bit longer to condense them all into a single image so. Its still open. Though the nakedness of letter Hn does fit the death card well enough. As does it fit with letter У. Being confused with the judgement card. But the omen of the crow standing below the home. Isn’t well felt. As also it being above the stars or canopy card doesnt sense well either. As the pope, patriarchate card is fully dressed in think garment. Doesn’t suit the bareness. Beyond the openness and nakedness of ones spirit and/or soul to the power above. So argument fits for withe rletter so far as it seems. And thoughi coyld oersonaly fit either or argument from experience. As does the lover card fit the pope and death card equally in the same argument as above.

All the stars with the power and teaching of the father to the throne up above, does speak the message. Doesn’t it.

The other position for debate is letter Oo for the death card. And that fits well for the marseille fool above walking on crows. For below would be argued the traditional moon card. But inwanted to change it from the ominous negativity that it has. There being no romance in that card as the moon is also known for but tarot fucks it with the grotesqueness of failure seeping up from the depths with the sensation of akwardness or violation. What kind of message is that? .. soh no my vagina is bleeding again. Don’t touch me a gross. Give me icecream and rub my feet. Its one of those two or its lunar madness. As with changing one of the dogs to a wolf to make that impression clear. Leave it to the americans to go get fucked on lsd and land on the fucken thing. Plant a flag and take pride in it. Ugh.

Sanctions against china for not supporting nato and continuing to trade with russia. In the biggest war effort in Europe since ww2 lol. Jesus. There’s bigger wars not happening in europe at the present moment with even more casualties. China os apart of an ally coalition group called brics. 5 major world nations and other smaller ones not getting a letter in the groups name. Brazil, russia, india, china and south Africa. Look at these assholes playing nice guy, dictating the rest of the world. Of course they’re going to trade with russia. Even more now since america is cutting off their metal trade with them. Now, china has to stop? Harm the economy? While they produce world wonders? Go eat a fucken turd.

Im not so sure anymore on letter Мм. Cause letter Оо suits the same image…

« China on Tuesday urged NATO to "stop shifting blame" over the Ukraine war after the Western military alliance's chief accused Beijing of worsening the conflict through support of Russia.

NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg on Monday called for China to face consequences for what US officials have called a major export push to rebuild Russia's defence industry.

On Tuesday Beijing said that NATO "should engage in self-reflection rather than arbitrary smear and attacks on China".

"We advise (NATO) to stop shifting blame and sowing discord, not add fuel to the fire and instigate confrontation, but rather do something practical for the political settlement of the crisis," foreign ministry spokesman Lin Jian said at a regular press briefing. »

Love itbwhen they manipulate you. Took special note of the venus aspect today and again they attach it to the feminine and create a stressful conclusion. Sonindaid fuck it. Im leaving. I see what your doing. Go blow a bag of dicks. Mines off limits. Want anothe rdig to fuck?

Flipped off by jesus. For when they manipulate the entire enviroment to be solely based of your horroscope. Wouldnt be so bad if you knew there was a single postive thing in it.

Im gratefuk that with russias influnece im learning a third language. But, ich spreche ein bisschen dutch. And opened a new script. Or better said unlocking the script already in effect. And thats fun. Wonder of i change jobs again if these fucktoys are just going to fallow me or waiting for me to fuck around again. And it makes it easy if the work environemnt is varible which gives then freedom to control my experiences.

Gove and help give and help and all they do fuck the dog.

Pls. The russian have enough armaments and firepiwer to fire off bomb all day wveryday for the next decade. The same tactics thevr been playing on me fir thelast 20 fycken years. Probably nust making sire the next outter planet hits has heavily as posiible in the direction the want. Conserign the last 39 year so of my life being own by assholes. Its not going to be a good thing.

Womder who that girl was wispering in my ear this morning.

So woke with a loving kiss to my wife. And met a new clerkess. Pretty redhead. Have that aversion to them. Because of that cursed blood. It was nice. Then the effeminate foreigner pretending to be straight but is obviously a woman, was waiting for me at the punch card. Asked me hiw i was. Responded as usual. Still alive. The rest if the day was “venusianly” pleasant. Even though, im still damaged. And at the end last minute it was arranged to be as frustrating as possible to after the bell and my stock was put away and the lift stationed was placed not to have room to park. Considering i had to deive the lift the whole time because there weren’t any jiggers left. Which makes maneuvering slow and wasteful anf then the guy i was with left. So, i parked the lift crossed infrint of all the others. Hang my prder back i. The office amd left. The exact words were do what you can. Or get what you can get done. And i did. Not dealing with that. With the venus mars semi-square. On a task that isnt possible to get done on time given at the last minute. Then i step out and alarms and sirens going off rushing to nowhere most likely. Making a show.

The only thing i take away from that was thta i was meant to be a first responder soeeding down the highway in an ambulance saving lives. ..damn it inwas havig appeasant conversation but jow i got to cut it short. Sorry love i have to go save some dumb ass’s life. Get out of the fucken way im driven here. Can tyou hear my sirens. Fuck you, learn to drive. Get off the road someone dying here!

Somi gave up on the whole homoscope bs whne i realized they were inly using it to manipulate my life at walmart to their own ends by controlling my environment to its script exclusively. Yeah ok, sure. Using every loophole in the system, to break all the humanitarian rules while still being “innocent”. Seems like by the same type of people running nato right now. Evil hiding behind good mannerism and polite speech like the good fallen angel lucifers they are. Promoting and selling drugs and booze and porn on every street corner. And funding wars killing thousands while accusing everyone else for doing the same while turning a blind eye to all the others.

You know what atrocious thing russia coukd do to anger people? Blow up the St. Michael's Golden-Domed Monastery in kiev. But since it isnt a protestant church it’s probably safe from persecution. Vladimir is living up to the name. For it was a vladimir who addopted christioanity im the 10th century and it was a vladimir who amended the law to prohibit the banning of the four major traditional religious bodies. While also erecting a religious symbol infront of the kremlin, promoting and giving freedom to theological belies. As long as the arent western or protestant. Because protestants fuck the world. I don’t know i was raised protestant. Then that was given up and i was introduced to the devil emmidiatly afterwards so…. I believe in god. I just don’t have a church. Neither doni need one apperently cause god talks to me. I dont need to go searchign or praying to it. Beyond the benefits of positive affirmations. The devils Will, as i have learned is seem in the clouds. But god is seen on the earth. In the little thigns no one pays attention to. Somi dont mnow what the bivle is talkign aboutnof jesus and angels decemding from the clouds. That obviously isnt the case. I can enumerate all the times these fucks tards used “prphetic portents, pretending to be god.” Fucken losers.

I also scared some little girl from a strong religious family straight one day recently. She was going on about exploring spiritual stuff and mentioned naively that would be like witchcraft. And i stoped turned around and started talkign about spiritual omens, and that its ok to worship nature. like the crows as one starting cawing off in the background, saying when you hear that, you better run! As she was biking off, running away from the encounter. Scared. She ain’t going to forget that. Because it was true. I spoke with the crows. It will stay with her and shape her life to come. You’re welcome family.

There was another time of a guy wearing a cross, driking a beer after work just before getting into his truck, i watched a crow fly directly over his truck and when he left got into a frnder bender (light bump) into the trailer hitched to the backnof his truck and he got out, pissed. And started giving back to the kidxm. As a stood there and eatched the whole thing. And then there was cherry in her guise of bs. Wearing a cross around her neck, working the brothels and showing shame, whether that strue or not…. And that while time it was a big game of back and forth running each other in. As I worked that angle over on her. Condemning it and her actions on that degree. The impression of sex and violence on sinful ways. You can’t use a cross like that and intentually insult it without consequences. Save that in that workd of the esoteric buttloving, hedonistic astrologers and taroist. Beign as dumb as they are, don’t look too kindly at that kind of thing and support the degenerative with hostility. Like a bunch of losers.

On that account with the cross behind Vladimir. Why everyone uses his last name. And not his first. Will show on the theological level what outcomes plays out on his person. For if he is true than there is nothing to fear. And so far the west has dine nothing but bs the news since it started. Not only the news but all outlets of information. Speaking lies and slights. Every move made is, put down with accusations and unfounded bs. Its fucken ridiculous. And i lose more and more respect for the “western” world leaders by the day. The other candidate making his move is trump again with more bs. With “if im realected, ill withdrawn all aid to Ukraine” or mr. Tv celebrity with nothign but derogatory press. Its still a loss on that account. And on it goes with the social engineering. Barf. Good job, playing peoples naivety and stupidity to your advantage. So mich for “in god we trust”.

Save for none of this matters much because its all an inside job anyway. All those russians playing on stranger things. And the villain in everything else. Though it’s good to see smallville. With russian influences seen in a more postiive neurral light. Well considering its a sourthen state thing.

I guess this confirms letter Hn being the pope card/lover.

And looks like ill be needing meds the rest of my life. With this constant downer and lacknof self care, and discomfortvand this attention. Its not getting better.

[sonny-whorezik]

my heart physically hurts , has for a bit now , and im seeing a cardiologist next year for it since my ekg in the psych ward raised enough concern . the thought of something being wrong with my heart , impacting my life , and i can't tell them Terrifies me . im almost delusional , i suspect , that they'll come back . they'll find peace and enjoyment in life again and want to share it with me like we used to . a part of me however is convinced this is it for good , im just too much . if something happens to me and i can't tell them ? im petrified . ive known them for 9 years , theyve been my best friend for 6 years , my partner for over two and a half , ive told them everything and theyre the only person who Knows me . what if i end up dying and they never know . does that even matter ? if theyre the one leaving , why would they want to know what the cardiologist says ? i have accepted they were leaving on christmas night , ive now accepted theyre gone , but im struggling to accept theyre gone for good . i don't have anyone else that's remotely close to me like they were , even when we were just friends . ive never not had them or known them . i just feel so , so sick

[tonydaddingham]

really, really good points!!! i will however let my absolute bias where aziraphale is concerned rear its ugly head though, in that whilst im 100% in agreement with you about how crowley perceived what aziraphale offered and said, my view is that aziraphale's motivation is a little more deep-seated that in being aligned with heaven/wanting to be part of the hive again.

(shoving under a cut because woo it's about to get lengthy)

i completely agree that aziraphale should be a little more intuitive than he currently displays re: crowley's trauma from the fall. whilst crowley has never told him, and puts on a 6000-year old swagger to paper over the gaping cracks that formed in him because of it, aziraphale is not stupid, and should be able to make an inference. he should know crowley better than that, be able to see beyond the walls crowley put up.

but at the same time, i know i have certainly known people that had certain triggers from deep trauma, even known people for a long time who have had History, and i've inadvertently glossed over what might trigger them or hurt them, because i just didn't know the full facts. these people didn't owe me their history, not at all, but even when ive previously gotten the impression there is a Thing going on, without knowing the full truth i couldnt entirely avoid hurting them by mistake.

and crowley doesn't necessarily owe aziraphale anything, but after all this time? i would have thought he could trust aziraphale with it. maybe thats just speaks to how immeasurably painful and vulnerable it was for crowley - in fact, definitely does! but in the context of the Domestic, aziraphale knows that crowley is a Good Person. he knows crowley was wronged (as far as the narrative has told us and him about why he fell) in the fall, for a minor infraction (if it's even justifiably an infraction in the first place!... and also if it's even true but that's a different story).

so, to my interpretation, the offer of restoration in aziraphale's mind is that it is an abstract (or from god?) apology to crowley, the gesture of righting that wrong and owning the fault, and giving crowley the position to do Good so noone has to ever suffer as he, they together, and others have. crowley is a good person, already halfway there, so why not just take the title and status that would allow him to practice it in absolute? they could do so much Good together.

and besides - wouldn't this mean they could exercise that good in a way that meant they never have to run? never have to escape anywhere in shame, never have to fear anything or anyone, never have to bury themselves and what they feel, because not only is aziraphale planning to return to heaven, but return as Supreme Archangel; noone would ever dare to question him and crowley! i think that's, in aziraphale's mind, ultimate safety and freedom, however naive in the long term.

i don't think, at this point, aziraphale feels guilty or ashamed of being in love with a demon - we'd probably see a lot more of the hesitancy of s1 in his behaviour, i think, if he was; instead, the man is obsessed with him in s2. like, besotted with crowley exactly as he is before the offer of restoration was ever on the table. i think he's fully embraced loving crowley as crowley - neither an angel or a demon - and ill discuss this here*. but this where i consider "nothing lasts forever" to come in - aziraphale saying that he doesn't care if the world disintegrates, as long as he and crowley remain that's all that matters (and again - crowley understandably does hear that at all).

in terms of vulnerability: im going to be a little ignorant and ask where you see crowley be vulnerable in the series other than in ep6? (genuine q, because im happy to be proven wrong!) because to me all i see is crowley hovering in the metaphorical doorway; aziraphale has been very forward (for him) this season in how he declares their togetherness at the very least, exception being his denial to gabriel in ep1 (but im mindful to chalk that up to it being before all the events of s1 where aziraphale let's himself fully fall). this is probably because crowley's not taking up aziraphale's more subtle cues, doesn't notice the glances and particular 'us' phraseology that aziraphale adopts, and thinks aziraphale is still himself a few steps behind, rather than ahead.

but all the conversations re: "you two a couple? you should talk more, are you treating him right?" has all been involving crowley... for once, it's aziraphale that's maybe gone a bit too fast and crowley is scrambling to catch up, and he does in true whiplash-inducing crowley fashion in ep6, but then of course aziraphale had to mete out the death blow of the restoration offer etc etc. crowley does lead that scene in terms of vulnerability, but was it all too late? possibly.

aziraphale learns a lot from the minisode experiences, but i similarly think they regress him/hold him back massively. he learns that things are not always black and white, that who and what he thinks should be good is sometimes bad, and who and what he sees as bad is sometimes good. that's indisputable, it's a massive shift in his mentality and perception of morality. however (and i discussed this at length here - gets a bit philosophical so fair warning for pretentious crap) i think aziraphale still struggles with his fear and love for god, her ineffability, and the exactness of her power. that's the lesson, as concerns angels-heaven-god, that he still has yet to learn and challenge.

ultimately by this point i don't think aziraphale has any issue with differentiating with Good as an institution, and Good as a core, innate trait and belief. aziraphale still believes in good as a concept, and wants to embody it and bring it back fully to heaven as it was originally intended, but i think he's fully cognizant by s2 that angels and heaven are not wholly good in and of themselves.

rot has set in, and it has led to a heaven and angelic host that doesn't align with his beliefs about what Good should be. this to me is what he's saying to crowley; that heaven as a concept was always intended to be good and is good by her design (again, i don't think he's gotten to the final boss battle of fully, wholeheartedly questioning god yet) but the institution itself has become the problem, and that's what you and i could fix together. when aziraphale says "youre (hell, crowley) are the bad guys", i don't think that he means it in a discriminatory manner, marking crowley as lesser than; but that crowley is a demon - a fact - but also a Good Person, so why would he ever want to take their offer? and why therefore would he not take this offer of rejoining heaven?

im not however (despite having spent all this post defending aziraphale) dismissing at all how crowley interprets what aziraphale is saying. it is completely understandable how crowley reads this all, but i think that its easy to accept crowley's interpretation as fact because he is the party probably in the most pain. i totally get that, and his reaction is so valid because of it.

but my last point joins on from this exact thing; i don't think crowley knows aziraphale as well as he likes to think... or rather, he thinks he knows aziraphale but out of excitement for aziraphale being an imperfect angel, someone like him, he somewhat dismisses some of the key principles of aziraphale's character. the whole Good thing ive already waxed lyrical about - but i think he doesn't quite see aziraphale's own trauma for what it truly is.

arguably (and this will sound fairly reductive of him), crowley had mercy in the fall. he was cast out, and whilst that caused unimaginable agony and disconnect, he knew where he stood. aziraphale spent thousands of years being an outsider, looked down on and brushed off as inconsequential as a result of having the same trait as crowley - occupying the in-between. i could imagine that aziraphale therefore has consistently felt that whatever he does, he is not wholly Enough to be loved by heaven, by other angels, or even by god. so he turns to crowley who, regardless of it being borne out of love or friendship, has always seemed to accept him, taught him more on how to live in, and see, the grey, and never made him feel lesser than for being in the in-between; crowley lives there too.

(further read if interested: first section)

so when aziraphale shows to crowley why he wants to rebuild heaven, "I can make a difference", and crowley rejects that, from aziraphale's perspective thats a massive betrayal. he thought that if anyone would get this, if anyone knew him completely, it was crowley.

that aziraphale - standing in front of him and offering all of him - would be enough for crowley to set aside his pain, hatred, and resentment (that aziraphale still doesn't know or understand the full scope of, admittedly, and therefore why he's asking something practically impossible for crowley to do) and put aziraphale first... to want to be with him in whatever form that takes. this, rebuilding heaven, is another chapter in aziraphale's forever, and crowley stopped at the end of the last one and closed the book.

this to me is summed up (and sums up the whole misunderstanding that was the Domestic) in "i don't think you understand what im offering you". aziraphale is of course potentially talking about being restored and rebuilding heaven, and crowley is definitely on that wavelength in his response, but i think aziraphale is also (if not more) literally saying, "this is me, this is who I am, and i would give it all to you, you can have me but you have to accept all of me and why i need to do this".

crowley doesn't hear that (fair - god i wish these boys would just speak in plain words for once), and from aziraphale's perspective, crowley essentially says 'yeah i love you, but not that much. i love the you that would fit in with what i want, i don't love the things about you that doesnt'. which to me, explains this reaction below - aziraphale accepting that crowley maybe doesn't want him as much as he thought he did, or loved a version of him that doesn't exist:

then follows the temptation etc ive already mentioned ✨

thesherrinfordfacility​:

vaguelyxdownwards​:

thesherrinfordfacility​:

regardless of where one falls on the argument of whether aziraphale was or wasnt in the right in this scene, he has just in his own way been rejected; he wants to go to heaven to fulfil a higher, altruistic purpose, but was only ever intending to with crowley by his side. crowley in his own way has just rejected that, for understandable reasons, and could be interpreted as having told aziraphale that he wants him but only if aziraphale denies the part of him that doesn’t fit what crowley wants. (it’s all more nuanced than that, but as a summary).

that’s by the by, but we do know the crowley is able to tempt aziraphale - s2 with food, and s1 with adam/warlock - and aziraphale is at least on some level aware of it. so after they argue, and aziraphale looks away (bearing mind the “no nightingales” line which i take to mean as crowley saying “the damage is done, we’re over”, and last parting shot of “idiot”), crowley then strides over and kisses him.

it might not be right way to see it, but i did see it as its own brand of manipulation, temptation. crowley is evidently so overcome with his own emotion and desperation, and this is his last ditch attempt to get aziraphale to stay. and i think aziraphale realises it; he immediately reacts with ‘what are you doing’ frozen response.

then he succumbs to it, for a split second, because it is ultimately what he wants. succumbs to the temptation in a very unangelic way - awful when you consider what they’ve just argued about. but then aziraphale shakes himself out of it, and pushes crowley away, which says to me that he’s aware that crowley has just used his ultimate weapon; (inadvertently?) manipulated aziraphale’s own feelings for him and used them against him to try and get aziraphale to stay, in so doing he tried to tempt aziraphale into denying that part of who he is. even possibly intimating that crowley doesn’t want aziraphale unless he lets go of this part of who he is.

which is then where the I Forgive You comes in; personally, i read this as aziraphale benevolently forgiving crowley for what he just did, trying to manipulate him the same way everyone else does (ironic given metatron role in this), and also telling crowley in a language that only they understand that he knows what crowley just did, and that it hurt.

NEVER feel encumbered from sharing and interacting with me as long as it’s respectful (which it was)! 

Okay this nterpretation makes the most sense of all that I’ve received, to me at least. I have little to add because I appreciate the nuance and the recognition of both characters’ process of core belief, thought, and action. 

well you might soon regret that when i point out the following that ive noticed and will proceed to inflict maximum level damage; we know that michael sheen is the undisputed god of micro-expressions, right? well let’s cycle through the immediate aftermath of the Domestic once crowley has left:

that last one? thats just abject rage to me. imo he cycled through “oh my god he’s left, he’s actually left, we are never going to come back from this”, to “well that hurts like hell, he just tried to tempt me, he’s in the wrong, and he gets to storm out?”, to “he actually kissed me?”, to “and i liked it?”, to “i nearly succumbed to it, his temptation, he’s a bastard for trying it”, to lastly “im not good enough for him to stay, but i know i have more value than that.”

okay so yeah the above is very subjective but regardless those faces were a Choice. and whilst we know in the next bit of the scene that aziraphale wavers dramatically, he does, like, regain composure and almost again goes through the same inner monologue before he ultimately plasters on the smile again and follows the metatron out… and does it again just before he gets in the lift… and again in the lift. my silly angel is swinging on a pendulum between grovelling at crowley’s feet, and dedicating himself to proving crowley wrong. and given all of the above, i think it’s fair that he chose what he did!✨

I think this is a really solid observation, although I’d like to add a slight counter-consideration that centers on how SHAME motivates both of these characters.  

I give Aziraphale a BIT less of a pass for his choice, given the context of the Job and starving young bodysnatchers memories, and even more for the general fact that Crowley has been so vulnerable (for Crowley) lately with Aziraphale, and given him ample opportunity to know the deeper pain that comes from being cast out of the company of people you care about….for doing little more than asking God (or, more likely, God’s so-called representatives, the Metatron and Archangels) important questions.  Has he told him about this experience outright? No, but I just can’t believe someone as smart and emotionally intuitive as Aziraphale really doesn’t recognize that red button in Crowley at all. 

Aziraphale has to engage in cognitive dissonance to believe that keeping in line with the Heavenly Host is the moral high ground; we see Crowley repeatedly, patiently (if a little smugly), trying to get him to realize that this view is reductive and dangerous, but he can’t and won’t listen, to the extent that he has to minimize the importance of their relationship as it currently stands (“nothing lasts forever”).  And his point of view is understandable and what he wants to do is not that bad, until one acknowledges (as he cannot, in order to be “right”) that Crowley’s whole being pivots around eons of sorrow and rage at being rejected for existing: genuinely as himself. Crowley embraces being a demon in part to defy that shame. But the important point is that, to ask Crowley to become an angel again is tantamount to saying, “My love for you is henceforth conditional. You have to become like me for me to feel morally clean being publicly attached to you.”   To Crowley, then, the person Crowley loves most has effectively re-enacted the trauma of getting cast out of Heaven. 

 Did Aziraphale mean for Crowley to read it this way? No, not consciously at least, but it really, REALLY sucks. And Crowley knows how much Aziraphale wants to fit in with the “good guys,” so he reads more hurt into the whole idea or being reinstated as an angel than is intended. Ironically, it’s how well Crowley knows Aziraphale that escalates their fight.  Meanwhile, Aziraphale puts on blinders and doubles down because if Crowley would just give in and be an angel again, Aziraphale could bury his guilt over falling in love with the “enemy.” He could be both of the selves he wants to be: an exemplary angel, AND Crowley’s lover. 

This may be my OWN personal bias showing, as a university educator who has been dealing with a largely white and underprivileged social demographic, whom I must constantly try to usher in the direction of feeling compassion for queer and BIPOC people and the issues they face (I teach a course on how American media shapes our understanding of American identity, so we deal with a lot of sticky issues in the classroom).  Basically, we do a LOT of work on preconceptions and on assuming your version of events is the universally correct one. 

 I know Aziraphale isn’t a willfully ignorant person in the sense that a human bigot is (he’s far too caring and has too often proven himself willing to admit wrongdoing), but he’s headed that direction, as you say, in part to prove Crowley wrong, because if he can prove Crowley (who knows him best) wrong, that must mean he can assuage his own misplaced shame and guilt about being “tempted” in the past.  

I do, though, think that not only this scene, but their entire arc to date, boils down to the fact that they both love living in limbo between extremes, on earth, but what separates them isn’t really “angel” versus “demon,” it’s “seeks the approval of community” versus “would rather be authentic even if that means solitude.” It’s two very different ways of coping with shame at unbelonging.  And neither is actually superior; both are (irony!) very human impulses. 

And yes, yes, it hurts :’’’’)