#ive had this migraine for like 4 days of course i only get migraines when i am mentally prepared to get shit done | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nycorix · 2 years ago

Text

Consequences [8/11]

[fic post]

At long last I’m back with part 8!! Feat. the Director feeling proud of herself for #winning with him until she realizes, entirely too late, that she super lost

TW: emotional manipulation/abuse, medical stuff (see part 7 tw)

___________

When the Director enters Medical Bay One, 22 is sitting upright in the bed, posture ridiculously flawless, expression a perfect blank.

This does not surprise her.

She stands aside to let the medbot pass, looks on as it runs through diagnosis protocol, administers the first round of bespoke antivirals, disconnects his IV and pronounces him fit for release and monitoring.

There was a time when she would have had to bring in a team of six. One for the treatment, the other five requisitioned for restraint purposes. Medbots only, of course—broken medbots quantifiably less expensive to repair or replace than broken employees.

Now, in year twelve of the program, 22 does not so much as twitch at any point of the procedure, his stone-faced stillness perfectly evocative of the bioengineered lab-grown AI superweapon all of New Liberty City believes him to be. If he is relieved when it is done, or apprehensive at her presence, it does not show on his face.

This does not surprise her either.

Indeed, the only thing about the operative in front of her that gives her pause is the fact that he, despite a fever of nearly 102 and a vitals display feed that is threatening to give her a migraine, does not look ill in the slightest.

Then again, she amends, he doesn’t exactly look well either. The longer she studies him, the better she can see it: something about him is distinctly and unmistakably off, like if you took everything in a room and shifted it over two inches to the left.

The medbot leaves, but it might as well be invisible for all the attention 22 has paid it. His eyes have been on her from the moment she set foot through the door, and as she comes nearer that gaze sharpens—into the trademark unblinking uncanny fixed stare that all of the operatives have, the one that is just shy of predatory and that to this day still sets all her hair on end.

She bypasses this inconvenient primal reflex with practiced ease, fixing him with a measured stare of her own.

“When I received the operative health crisis notification,” she says mildly, in lieu of a greeting, “you were the last one I expected it to be.”

Predictably, this garners no discernible reaction. He sits there, watching, looking for all the world like a bot awaiting a directive.

“Nor, I must confess, was said health crisis anywhere within the ballpark of my expectations,” she continues, seeding the words with just the slightest measure of reproach. “Sudden-onset acute upper respiratory infection?” Reproach up a fifth of a degree. “A broken nose?”

This last finally seems to get through, if infinitesimally. A sea change stirs in his unnaturally pale eyes—the barest glimmer of…something. Not shame, not embarrassment or alarm or unease. Annoyance.

“A miscalculation,” he says, and the ever-present behavioral-scientist-backbrain part of her points out that he does not specify to which affliction he is referring. “It will not happen again.”

The lethal certainty baked into this statement sends a chill through the whole of her, scalp to soles. She muscles the fight-or-flight response down and smothers it. Lifts a brow, lips pressed in a thin smile of quiet regard, and inclines her head.

“Walk with me.”

She leaves the room without a backward glance, his presence behind her like a weight at the top of her spine. The staccato click of her heels drowns out the faint swish of his socks on the tile of the hall, and when she clears the personnel from the nearest diagnostics room he’s there beside her, silent as death.

“Have a seat,” she says, gesturing to the row of recently-vacated chairs facing the bank of assorted lab equipment.

He does not. He stays put by the smartwall just inside the door, standing: spine perfectly straight, shoulders square. If he’s tired or symptomatic it isn’t presenting in either facial expression or body language.

A lab tech pushes a bundle of clothing into her arms with a jumbled apology as they scurry out the door. The Director takes a look at it, huffs a laugh through her nose, and sets it on a table.

“I see they’ve managed to get the blood out of your jacket,” she says, taking it from the pile and handing it over to him.

He doesn’t even glance at it. Just accepts it wordlessly and slides it on over the thin black smart fabric undershirt he’s still wearing, his stay in Medical too brief to warrant an in-patient tunic. She frowns, just slightly, and hands him his boots and utility belt, which are received in identical fashion.

He reaches out for the gloves as she holds them out next, the extensive knotted trails of scar tissue beneath his skin visible under the harsh fluorescents. She pulls her gaze away, up to his face.

“It’s unlike you.” She speaks softly, almost gently. She wants to say she can see him brace for whatever is coming, but if she’s honest with herself any read she has on his expressions is guesswork at best, twelve years and multiple facial analysis lens apps be damned. “To lose to Nicholas, of all people.”

To this, though, he again telegraphs annoyance to a degree she can pick up with reasonable confidence.

“I was still assessing his condition.” His voice, quietly brittle, is even harder to pick up than usual. “It was a mis…” He pauses, swallows. Immediately her interest is piqued—22 is not given to speaking without premeditation.

“Miscalculation,” she supplies.

The briefest of hesitations, then a nod.

“Yes, so you said.” She narrows her eyes. There is significant overlap between his current expression and the one he makes when he violates censorship parameters—only, this can’t possibly be that. Even if he is thinking about the undoubtedly forbidden behaviors that landed him in this situation, the array filter does not censor thoughts. Not that any of the operatives were explicitly told this, of course.

In any case, hesitation in 22 historically amounts to weak spot in defenses, and the Director is by no means above using this to her advantage.

“Speaking of miscalculations.” She casts his vitals monitor up on the smartwall behind him, alongside data from the medbot’s report. “Can you tell me what this is?” She gestures to the image on the right, a cluster of vaguely hexagonal blobs stained bluish against a pale backdrop.

He looks at it a moment, then shakes his head, watching her sidelong. He’s starting to look just the slightest bit bleary—which, given his readings, would hardly be surprising if not for what and, more importantly, who he is.

“Human adenovirus,” she interjects into his telling silence. “HAdV-B14, to be exact. Known to cause acute upper respiratory infections ranging from mild to severe, occasionally fatal, especially in the young, elderly, or immunocompromised. Present specimen imaged twenty minutes ago from a throat swab of yours.” She folds her hands, watching his face.

“I’m not critical.” This is not a question; and the way he holds her gaze as he speaks is more than a little unsettling, as is the subtle note of satisfaction in the husk of his tone.

“....No.” She regrets the admission immediately and hastens to regain her ground. “However, there is still plenty of time and opportunity for you to become so, given the tenuous state of your health, as you are well aware.” She pauses, meeting his blank gaze unflinchingly. Recalibrates, casting new data to the smartwall with a flick of her wrist. This time it’s a building schematic, overlaid with a scrolling list of names.

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you,” she continues, selecting an entry on the list, “of the extensive measures we have to take to ensure your safety and wellbeing.” The name she selects is random, one she only vaguely recognizes as one of the researchers: a time punch with a small box beside it that reads health check complete. “We screen everyone who enters the building,” she adds, when he doesn’t respond. “The air filtration system is top of the line, especially—” she sidesteps the words down here, carefully—“for sublevels A through D.”

If any of this means anything to him, he gives no indication. He simply watches her, and the screen, and waits.

She pulls up a portion of his file to overlay the schematic. Name, number, age, birthday. Date of initial autoimmune disorder incidence. Dates of subsequential flare-ups. Number, type, and dates of corrective therapies and procedures. List of current medications. He barely glances at it.

“You’re more than old enough to understand the delicate balance your immune system is suspended in. The immunosuppressants you’re on alone would make you more susceptible to infection, never mind your lack of acquired natural immunities—and I’m sure you’re well aware of the fact that the former cannot be discontinued under any circumstances. Unless, of course, you would like another liver transplant.” She waits for him to flinch. He doesn’t.

Her jaw tightens. Waving away the display, she closes the distance between them, picking up a package of antibacterial wipes along her way.

“Given everything I have just shown you,” she says, tipping his chin down, bracing a hand—a gentling hand, a warning hand—against his jawbone as she begins wiping away dried blood leftover on his upper lip, “the only logical conclusion is that at some point in the last seventy-two hours, you or one of your fellow operatives spent a significant period of time outside of this building.”

He stays still—stiller than should be possible—as she works at the staining on his skin. He doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. She’s not sure he’s even breathing, come to think of it. If it wasn’t for the warmth radiating off him, for the pulse in his neck, even she might be inclined to think him more machine than human.

“Of course,” she continues, “none of you were under directive to do so, meaning this excursion was unauthorized.” She gives him a meaningful look. A don’t worry, you aren’t in trouble as long as you confide in me look. “I already have the security feeds to confirm this, by the way,” she concludes, conversationally, pulling back to admire her handiwork. “I’m simply giving you the opportunity to tell me the truth before any more…” she pauses, delicately— “...final decisions are made.”

He says nothing.

She presses her lips into a flat line, patience beginning to wear thin. “I don’t think you understand,” she begins, waving a grainy blow-up of a lens-captured photo from some customer-citizen’s social that depicts 06 and 22 huddled together in the middle of Greenleaf Square over to the blank smartwall, “how much is at stake here. Not just for you, but for her, and for Nicholas as well. So if you have any information for me, it is in your best interest and theirs to share it now.”

Minutes pass, silence and eye contact unbroken.

Irrational anger seizes her, product of the history between them—of the incomprehensible long game she suspects he’s playing but can’t even approximate the shape of; of the way he’s the perfectly obedient foil to 06’s rebellious streak, yet something in his eyes is anything but; of too many unfruitful conversations just like this one.

“I didn’t want to do this, but—” she stops short, distracted by a sharp movement from 22. More of a twitch than anything else, but the sheer uncharacteristicness of it puts her immediately on high alert. His pulse simultaneously spikes, incongruous with the absence of any detectable motion from him.

She glances sharply at him when he does it again, some kind of spasm that has his vitals feed going momentarily haywire with each one.

“Something the matter?” she says, eyes narrowing—and when it happens a third time, his expression contorting in an obvious flinch before he forcibly schools it back, it suddenly makes sense.

“Gesundheit,” she says, arching an eyebrow. “I’d advise you not to keep trying to stop them like that, by the way. If you give yourself an aneurysm, I can’t help you.”

The contempt in the look he brings to bear on her then is enough to curdle her blood, though in a moment it, too, is wiped from his face with a hard blink and the faintest hint of a sniff.

She feels a headache coming on.

“Or Kit, for that matter,” she adds, in a sudden fit of inspiration, probing for sore spots that exist if one knows where to look. “Is she faring similarly after your little excursion, I wonder?”

“I don’t know.” His response is as instant as it is flat.

“I believe you,” she concedes finally, after another long moment of not quailing beneath his stare, “but only because if she were severely ill you would have brought her to me.” She pauses. He doesn’t quite blink under her sudden scrutiny, but he doesn’t quite not, either. “Unless, perhaps, you’ve got her sequestered away somewhere on sublevel D.”

This, finally, visibly strikes a nerve. As well it should—he came out of the incident she’s referencing with a double concussion, a punctured lung, fourteen broken bones, twenty-eight mishealed ones and a stress-triggered flare up. He was in the ICU for almost a month.

…But then, of course, she doubts that’s the nerve that was struck. She remembers all too well how Kit flatlined no less than eight times during her liver transplant, and she’s certain he remembers it too. The only times he had surfaced from delirium during his own harrowing recovery were to ask if she was alive—and with such uncharacteristic distress that multiple personnel broke protocol to answer him truthfully, in case it would improve his chances of pulling through.

She had, regrettably, been one of said personnel.

In the end, obviously, both operatives had survived, and if it was by virtue of the tenacity of their fucking bonds she did not care to know it.

When she glances at him again, his face is blank, any trace of a reaction wiped clean from it.

A spike of frustration nearly claims her before she tamps it down.

“If neither of you are in critical condition,” she says evenly, “and if Catherine does not choose to join you in the next, let’s say, five minutes—” she makes a show of checking the time on her lenses— “then I’m afraid you’re going to have to take full responsibility for the consequences of your actions, with or without her participation.”

He remains silent. If she didn’t know him better, she’d almost think he was exhibiting the faintest air of impatience.

She sighs. “We both know whose idea it was to leave the grounds,” she says, softening a degree or two. An olive branch. A final offering before she drops the other shoe. “Why didn’t you stop her?”

“Risk assessment,” he says crisply—and oh, there’s the infection. Raised just a little louder now, she notes that his voice is nothing like itself, thick and raw like he’s been gargling knife blades. Interesting. “She would have left regardless. I followed her according to the buddy system protocol.”

Listening to him makes her want to clear her own throat. She fights the instinct, instead pressing her lips together in the approximation of maternal concern she’s honed to perfection.

“If you tell me where she is now,” she says carefully, eyes fixed to his, “I will leave you both in the green. Just this once.”

It’s a bluff, all of it. Whether he knows this or not, whether his obstinate lack of cooperation is inspired by this, or his loyalty to Kit, or his compromised state, she couldn’t be fucked to guess; but whatever the case, he does not budge an inch. They stay locked in this stalemate of a stare before finally, hating herself, she blinks first.

“Time’s up,” she says calmly, though her mind is anything but. “Unless you can somehow summon her in the next ten seconds, I’ll be sending you out to do street cleanup.” She pulls up the appropriate communication channels and information packets on her lenses. “When Catherine is found, she will be assigned to SCQ for the remainder of the month.”

SCQ—what the operatives dubbed “the box” when they were children, despite all her efforts to shut the pejorative down—is Catherine’s least favorite punishment, and she knows as well as 22 does that expecting her to spend a full thirty days in it is absurd, even dangerous.

“I’ll go,” he says without batting an eye, in what appears to be utter disregard of both his own failing health and the guaranteed wrath of his partner. As if in some involuntary acknowledgement of the first, however, he sneezes again, stifled to silence against the flat of his fist.

“Be careful.” Her tone is part admonishment, part threat, his name threaded onto the end of the phrase to seal the warning. As it leaves her lips his eyes snap to hers again, unnaturally quick, and something that looks disturbingly close to dangerous flashes in the depths of them, there and gone.

She musters every ounce of her will not to flinch or look away and the moment passes almost before she can register it, leaving him looking distinctly more tired than before.

“Let me be clear: I’m assigning you to clear 13th through 17th Street, alone, before curfew,” she says tightly, unsettled in a way she can’t quite parse. “No assistance, no excuses. If you fail to comply, I’m sending you to the community services department in the morning. Do you understand the directive?”

“I understand.” His tone, beneath the layers of fatigue and congestion, is ice and steel. Worse, though his expression does not change, somehow she gets the distinctly uncomfortable impression that he is, against all sensible logic, pleased. “Will that be all?”

It feels entirely too much like letting him have the last word. She grasps at the straws of the resolve she’d thought was airtight, coming up with little more than a ghost of a threat, the last cast of a baitless hook. “Not quite.” She folds her arms. Realizes the defensive nature of the posture and almost unfolds them, forces herself to remain in the position for consistency, taps her fingers against her arm. “I’m sure you’re as concerned about Catherine as I am. Would you like me to notify you when she is found?”

His eyes when they lock on hers are baleful, a coldly burning gray that pins her like a butterfly to velvet. “That,” he says quietly, “will not be necessary.”

She takes a breath, but by the time the words come he is gone.

|part 9|

#firebreak book #06/22 #fanfiction #kasey writes #consequences fic #boxcar thing #diana reyes says no to the power of friendship send tweet #hoo boy this one was A Challenge lmao #it took so long bc i ended up rewriting it #it's been a while since i wrote the first version and i understand their weirdo nuanced dynamic a lot better now so here we are rip #the director has almost no idea what's going on in his head lmaooo but she thinks she super does.#meanwhile he's using every scrap of his willpower to refrain from murdering her #especially whenever she touches him. or uses his name. sorry 22 #lmao he got exactly what he wanted in this scene but. I wouldn't call it winning lolll he's gonna regret it next scene

5 notes · View notes

fromthedeskofelizabeththird · 4 years ago

Text

Habanero

You're a good girl, well behaved.

Absolutely not the type to rail random guys in nightclubs.

Until you are.

Fandom: BNHA

Pairing: Aizawa x Reader, eventual polyamorous Erasermic x Reader

Rating: Gen

Trigger Warnings: Referenced child abuse, blood

AO3: Here | Want to support me? I have a Kofi

Chapter: 4/16 (all chapters)

You were scared of a lot of things: bugs, dark places, ghosts, drowning and more. Your friends often joked that you were a wimp and you’d bever been inclined to disagree.

There was one thing, however, that scared you above all others. It sent shivers down your spine and left your legs wobbling from under you.

It was the door to your father’s home office.

Your father was a prosecutor and a pretty notorious one at that, famous for the number of guilty verdicts he had achieved over the years. He had an incredible advantage, of course- the same lie detection quirk that he had passed onto you. He spent most of his evenings alternating between his work and home offices, going over the details of cases and preparing for a never ending stream of plaintiffs.

His home office was a near perfect replica of the one in the city, complete with a golden name plaque on the door. You passed it every day, multiple times a day, and each time broke out in goosebumps as if the door watched you in turn.

It wasn’t only the plaintiffs your father needed to find guilty.

Your father was not in the least bit conservative with his quirk. You spent many an afternoon there, jaw clenched and skin crawling at his line of questioning.

Tell me… why were you late?

Tell me… how long did you study?

Tell me… who were you with?

You hated being left so exposed and, in retrospect, you weren’t in the least bit surprised that you ended up vanilla instead of habanero, desperately seeking a simple married life.

The anxiety of standing outside of your father’s home office stayed with you into adulthood, even now that you had your own home. You had started to believe it no longer had an effect on you; that you no longer remembered how it felt.

As you stood outside of the hospital door, though, you remembered clearly.

Hand trembling, you reached up to knock.

━

SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

“Maybe if I move it that way…”

You scrolled through your calendar and let out a sigh at the appointments already there.

“No good, no good.”

You sat back in your chair and stretched, popping your shoulders and wiggling your toes.

“Maybe…”

You had a moment of inspiration, only to groan and click out of the window.

With the sports festival around the corner, your schedule was on the verge of taking a beating. Between modifying your office hours to make appointments with students to discuss their offers, to making room for counselling for those suffering disappointment, to keeping your usual appointments and open office hours, you were starting to consider bringing a futon and moving into your office for the foreseeable future. You’d known it was going to be a tight squeeze, but hadn’t counted on it being this bad.

You logged out of your computer and climbed out of your chair, giving your back a quick rub before leaving your office. You needed an IV of coffee, but a cup would have to do.

You were still thinking about your itinerary as you passed the 1-A classroom. Normally, between Kirishima, Bakugo and Iida, you heard the classroom long before you passed it. Today, though, it was silent and you peered through the window.

You’d heard that they were going on a trip with Thirteen to the USJ for specialist training and, if their empty desks were anything to go by, had already left. You had taken a tour of the facility during your initial induction and it had taken everything you had to keep your jaw from hitting the ground. You knew that UA was well funded, but it didn’t really sink in until then.

You wondered how they were getting on. Had Bakugou destroyed anything yet? Had Midoriya broken any of his bones?

You were still considering it as you passed the faculty lounge, dragged out of your thoughts by the sound of voices within. It sounded like the principal, though you weren’t sure who he was speaking to. You wondered if it was a private conversation and you should come back another time.

You knocked a couple of times before peeping around the door.

“Sorry,” you said, “am I interrupting?”

You really had heard the principal and he appeared to be sharing tea with All Might.

You weren’t sure you would ever be prepared for the sight of All Might in his skinnier form. Like most youngsters of your generation, you had watched his heroic acts in awe. You hadn’t known he was going to join the faculty at the time of your own job application and still found your heart racing whenever you passed him in the corridors.

You had signed eighteen different nondisclosure agreements after successfully taking on the job at UA, of which well over half related to the Symbol of Peace. You knew that he had been injured very badly and was losing his strength at an alarming rate. Even so, it was difficult to adjust to the reality.

“Ah, (Name), come in, come in,” said Principal Nezu, “we were just sharing a cup of tea, would you like some?”

You wanted coffee, but Nezu had already started to pour.

“Of course,” you said, closing the door behind you and taking a seat.

“You got here just in time,” said Nezu, pushing your cup across the coffee table. “We were discussing the fundamentals of teaching.”

“That sounds interesting,” you said, taking a sip of tea. “You must have a lot of insight.”

All Might twitched beside you, visibly restless. You wondered how long Nezu had been talking.

“Apologies,” he said, setting down his cup, “I should get going. I’ve already rested for far too long.”

He got up and walked towards the door, taking a deep breath before transforming into the muscular form the world knew and loved.

You would never get used to that either.

“So, (Name),” said Principal Nezu, “how are you finding the school? I trust you’ve had support from our staff?”

“Everyone’s been really kind,” you said. “I know they’re busy with their own workloads this term, but they’ve had so much time for me.”

You wrapped your hands around your cup, warmth flooding your fingers. You wanted to explain how grateful you were for the opportunity -that not so long ago your life had been falling apart- but you never got the chance, for the door to the lounge flew open and a student stormed inside.

“Principal Nezu! Something terrible has happened!”

It was Iida from 1-A, dressed in his hero costume and visibly out of breath. Your blood ran cold and you glanced across at Nezu, who had gotten to his feet.

“USJ...there’s been an invasion at USJ! Please help!”

Nezu’s response to the matter was swift and efficient. He turned to you, visibly transformed from the mild mannered principal who had offered you a cup of tea.

“(Name),” he said. “I’m going to gather everyone available. I need you to liaise with the authorities.”

“Of course,” you said, setting aside your tea and whipping out your phone.

“Meet us there,” he said as you began to dial.

“S-sir?”

You weren’t a pro hero; what possible use could you be?

━

His intentions soon became clear.

While your colleagues rushed into the danger zone, you stayed behind with the police, hitching a ride with Tsukauchi to the station once the area was secure.

Time was of the essence. You had read enough crime statistics to know that villain attacks very often came in waves, making the next few hours crucial to the safety of UA. Having a human lie detector on hand during the interrogations was more than a little bit useful.

You only wished you could concentrate.

Everything you knew about the incident came straight from Tsukauchi, so even though you had never actually seen the full extent of the carnage, you knew enough for your imagination to run wild.

You knew that the students had escaped with minor injuries and, while Shouta was badly hurt, he wasn’t dead. You couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially since the only image of the incident you had seen was that of his goggles broken on the floor.

You sat beside Tsukauchi in the interrogation room, silent as they brought in prisoner after prisoner. You only spoke to activate your quirk; only dragged yourself out of your contemplations to ask the same set of questions.

Three hours later, you knew only fractionally more than you did to begin with. The villains you’d caught were blatant throwaways, with no knowledge at all of the man they’d followed into battle or a greater scheme. They’d all wanted to take a shot at the symbol of peace and had no idea how close they had come to succeeding.

“Are you going to be alright?” Tsukauchi asked as interrogations came to a close.

You knew you must have looked a mess, popping aspirin and pinching the bridge of your nose.

“I’ll be fine,” you said, “honestly.”

“I’ll organise a car to take you to UA,” he said, but you shook your head.

“No, no that’s okay. I need to go somewhere first.”

━

Technically, you had two places to go first.

You stopped by the police station washroom to freshen up, leaning over the sink as the migraine set in. You pinched the bridge of your nose and watched as it began to bleed.

You weren’t used to using your quirk for such a long period of time and had almost certainly overdone it. The bleeding began to slow and you switched on the tap, washing away the blood on your face before plugging your nostrils with tissue paper. Unfortunately, you had still managed to bleed on your collar.

Just your luck that you would use your quirk too much on the day you decided to wear your new white blouse. You cursed at your reflection, trying and failing to adjust your shirt in such a way that it wasn’t noticeable.

Even now, you couldn’t concentrate.

You had never crossed paths with so many villains in one day. You had watched your father cross examine witnesses and plaintiffs many, many times, but had never been in his shoes. You hated it.

You knew exactly how they felt when you activated your quirk, recognised the squirming as it crawled through their skin. Part of you had enjoyed it, knowing that their discomfort in that moment did not compare to the violence they had inflicted on others.

Shouta.

The violence they had inflicted on Shouta.

He was a hero, you told yourself. He had signed up to fight those very same villains.

Even so, you hated them for it in ways you’d never hated a villain before.

You thought back to your training and took a deep breath.

“This is normal,” you whispered. “This is normal. This is a negative emotional response to a distressing situation. This is normal, we’ll move on.”

You took another deep breath, but your heart still rattled.

What is it that’s bothering me?

You reached into your purse for your makeup, painting away the shock for now at least.

We can work through that later.

━

PRESENT

And so, there you were, standing outside of Shouta’s room in the hospital.

They’d put him under the care of one of the best doctors in Musutafu, who assured you that surgery had been a success and his life was not in danger. There was a high chance his quirk would be affected by the damage to his orbital floor but even that was lucky, all things considered.

You tapped at the door and let yourself inside, taking in the calm and quiet of the room. Shouta was tucked up in bed and connected to numerous monitors, their steady beeps breaking the silence. You closed the door behind you and crept over to the bed, taking in the bandages that covered almost every inch of his body.

You had always known that heroes risked death and worse on a daily basis but had never seen it in person. You didn’t know how to feel about seeing him bloodied and broken. You had seen this man naked; you’d held onto the arms that a villain had broken. Did it always feel this personal?

You took a seat next to his bed, taking note of exactly how much of him was covered in bandages. You wouldn’t have known it was him if you hadn’t been told otherwise.

You didn't know what you had expected to find at the hospital, only that it would give you closure.

Why, then, did you still feel so uneasy?

You recalled his words from only recently, after you had given him a faceful of pepper spray.

Why would you try and confront a villain without help? You could have gotten yourself killed.

You need to be more rational in these things. Running head on into danger gets people killed.

Why hadn’t he followed his own advice?

Truthfully, you knew exactly why.

He had been well aware of the danger, but made the call anyway. He had analysed the situation and prioritised the lives and safety of his students over his own. It was the right thing to do and the rational part of you knew that, but you didn’t feel very rational right then.

You had to report back to Nezu; had to adjust your schedule ready for trauma counselling. You weren’t the only one who had been exposed to an unprecedented amount of villains that day. 1-A had almost certainly seen too much too soon.

You knew you had to leave, yet felt guilty as you got to your feet.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, hoping that your words would reach him through the anesthesia. “I have to go...but I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

You promised yourself that you’d skip lunch if you had to.

“See you,” you said, leaning over to kiss his forehead as if on autopilot.

Your heart skipped a beat once you realised what you’d done.

Oh God, what were you thinking?

You reached into your purse for your chapstick as you left the room, so focused on painting away the kiss that you didn’t notice his fingers twitch.

#aizawa x reader #eraserhead x reader #shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta #boku no hero academia #habanero

76 notes · View notes

sims2squared · 3 years ago

Note

OMG! I'm so sorry! Fortunately, you have a guardening angel. I didn't know that migraine can be that bad. What's the cause of it? Do you even know? Just curious. Please answer only when you're comfortable with sharing. Take care!

Oh yea, migraines can totally be that bad! And the brain certainly makes things interesting when it's hurting sometimes, I'll tell ya. I've been struggling with migraines for... 20-ish years, and despite a whole bunch of medications I pretty much have one constantly. I use an app called Migraine Buddy to track them (as best I can). Currently I have an average pain of 5.8 out of 10, and in the past month I have had only 3 days where the pain was low enough that I didn't log anything (below a 4). There's also a thing called a Migraine Impact Disability Assessment Score, and mine is currently 36 which falls into the Grade IV Severe Disability category. I expect what happened to me the other day was what is called a Hemiplegic Migraine. Of course, I haven't had a chance to talk to my Neurologist yet about what happened and need him to confirm.... but I used to work in Healthcare (been off work 2 years because of the migraine) as non-medical staff, and my mom is a retired nurse... so I have an okay idea of how to sort through medical information. But as of right now, my official diagnosis is just "migraine". I don't think it's fully known what causes migraines. I get mine with weather changes, and also just for funsies. I have had several good knocks to the noggin over the years, so that might be a factor as well. I do have a couple good things going for me though.... I'm Canadian, so no medical bills. I have a new family doctor, new neurologist, and new physiotherapist; all of which are young guys who are keen on staying up to date. And I had good disability insurance through my work, so I've been able to stay home with almost full pay for the last 2 years (fingers crossed my January review goes in my favour). Unfortunately, the dark side of it all is that I basically have 1 IRL friend left (that I'm never up to seeing anyway), and the majority of my family seems to be tired of it all. Migraines can come with fun things like irritability and confusion, which can cause you to lash out, so I can kinda see why my circumstances wear on them. All in all, it's a one minute at a time thing for me.... and I'll be okay.

#migraine #Migraine Buddy #MIDAS

3 notes · View notes

redbirdbella · 4 years ago

Text

@clintasha-week advent calendar day 21 - free

This goes against all my headcanons so it wont go any further but this idea wouldn’t stop bugging me so here we go!

"Hello? Yes. I'd like to request medical assistance to safehouse 3485 please, suspected poisoning" Clint begins unable to take his eyes off his partner and the way she's bearhugging the toilet bowl.

"Ok honey, we can definitely get that sorted for you. Can you just let me know which agent you are requesting this for?"

"Natasha Romanoff"

"Uh-huh," she taps away furiously at a keypad. He wonders if he can see the notes, the ones that say she's only just had the KGBs bounty removed from her head. "So is this Clint I'm speaking to?"

"Yeah"

"Ok Clint, Agents Stanton and Welford will be over to support they are from Natasha's approved file and I believe you've met before?"

"Many times"

"Excellent they are 20 minutes away from your location and are on their way as soon as they can. Do you mind giving me a brief description of the issue?"

"She's been generally unwell for the past 4 days with sickness and nausea - unable to keep food down and now seems weak and tired. It started after Starks party"

"Ok, I've got that noted down. Is she currently conscious and breathing?"

"yeah she's now being sick, bits of blood too"

"Alright Clint, keep her calm, it's perfectly normal for that to happen if someone's being sick as much as she is. No more food and fluids until help arrives though ok?"

Clint nods not that she can see but he doesn't want Natasha to realize he's asking for medical support but if her glare is anything to go by she's noticed.

"And you say it started after Starks party?"

"Yeah the morning after"

"Ok, and can you tell me who was in attendance?

"No, it's a bit of a blur"

"That's ok. We can look into that more if and when we need too. How's Natasha doing now?"

"Still the same"

"Ok, Stanton and Welford are only 5 minutes out now-"

The operator is 48 seconds too early. Stanton and Welford arrive relatively uneventfully as far as Natasha's concerned. She grumbles but still gives Stanton, an ex-army medic now a lovable grump, a tight hug and a soft "hello" leaving Welford to fuss over Lucky and the inevitable paperwork that comes with interacting with Strike Team Delta.

They get Natasha settled on the bed leaving the cool bathroom floor behind.

"Right, let's start by running a few basic tests and then we will either take you to the treatment center or give Clint the number of a good therapist for the hypochondria"

The quick laugh it draws from Natasha disappears as soon as the medical equipment appears.

"First question" Stanton asks sternly but the glint in her eyes says otherwise, "Did you eat Clint's cooking?"

"Nothing I haven't supervised"

"Well that pretty much rules out food poisoning"

"I'm sure it can be arranged if you like Stanton, I can make you my special scrambled eggs recipe the special ingredient is E.coli" Clint mutters entwining his fingers with Natasha's.

The tests are over quickly, with Natasha too drained to put up much of a fight this time. One by one the results all come up negative, negative, negative. But the sickness hasn't stopped. Clint holds her through the next bout until she's left empty dry-heaving and coughing.

"Ok me and Welford both want to give you a little trip up to the treatment centre cause chances are you might have a nasty case of stomach flu or a stomach migraine but we can run some more tests up there just to be sure it's nothing major. But first, let's get you feeling a little more human and a little less walking dead. Wash or a shower?"

"Can't she get clean once we are there?" Clint's asks straining to keep the fear from his voice.

Stanton nods towards the door leaving Natasha to Welford capable hands and Lucky's wagging tail.

"No, it's nicer to do it at home where we can get her dressed. I understand your concerns but between the three of us, we have got her covered. do you want to pack you both an overnight bag? She's going to need IV fluids overnight if nothing else, get someone in to check on the dog"

Clint nods "But it's not life-threatening?"

"No she's still very much alive so don't start spending the life insurance money just yet. Now Natasha wash or shower?"

They let him travel in the ambulance, sitting him close enough so he can kiss her hands and whisper to her when the movement of the ambulance and her nausea collide.

She chooses shower cause of course she does anything to delay a visit to the treatment centre. It works though, she does look more human dressed in leggings and one of Clint's old jumpers. Smaller but still more human.

She even manages a smile when they call ahead and guarantee Natasha her favourite Doctor the quirky young woman with the red converses.

Welford does the handover, patiently repeating himself when the Doctor interrupts to ask questions before he's finished. They stay there goodbyes to Stanton and Wellford and the next few hours pass by with endless tests and observations. By Strike Team Deltas standards Natasha is a model patient even when they place her onto an IV of fluids and an anti-sickness medication with a name with more syllables then ingredients, probably.

Eventually, Clint crawls into bed with her, once the medication has kicked in enough that she can actually relax as the fear of being sick subsides.

"I'm sorry" he whispers "I was being paranoid"

Natasha smiles pushing her forehead against his, "Avoiding blame more like, bet it was that omelette the one you absolutely checked the eggs were good for"

"I'll make it up to you. promise"

Natasha smiles, she relaxes into him and Clint is almost certain she's asleep when the Dr walks in.

"Mystery solved love-birds. The good news is Natasha hasn't been poisoned. The bad news is she's been taken out by friendly fire. The friendliest fire"

Natasha glances over giving Clint her best 'i-told-you-so' smile.

"Congratulations. Your pregnant!"

#clintasha #clintasha advent 2020 #no this will not be continued

28 notes · View notes

kodzumie-archived · 4 years ago

Note

oh man oh man now i kinda just want. either kokichi, shuichi, tsumugi, or kaede to comfort me fr. i was given anti-depressants and ive had like.. 3 panic attacks in the span of 4 days. 👀 anon is no longer horny. 😡😡😡 just angy. -👀 anon

I’m so sorry to hear that, I truly am. I really do hope that no more panic attacks strike and that your worries are soothed soon.

You have every right to be upset at the amount of struggling endured of the course of such a short amount of time. It’s truly frustrating and your anger is very valid.

Ah, I don’t know if this will help in any way, but I went out and looked for some writings of the characters you wanted to comfort you..!

Hopefully they can help get your mind off of things, aah..! I’m truly so sorry for what’s been happening and I wish I could do more. If there’s anything—and I mean anything—you’d like, please do let me know and I’ll do all that I can to support you.

Shuichi Masterlist (Tumblr)

⤷ This is the masterlist of a writing blog that writes only for Shuichi. They’ve got quite a bit of works on there, so I hope that there’ll be something comforting within that list.

Wistful Warmth (AO3-Kokichi Oma)

⤷ This is a multi-chapter fic revolving around aftergame Kokichi and his journey alongside the reader—you—in escaping the game of Danganronpa once and for all. I’d really recommend this as it’s very well written and progressively gets further intruiging. A slowburn, by the way!

White Lies (AO3-Kokichi Oma)

⤷ This is a cute, little comfort fic that portrays Kokichi very well, in my opinion. It’s a nice read and has a few comical moments as well. If you decide to read it, I truly hope it, at the very least, lightens your mood.

Antivenom (AO3-Kokichi Oma)

⤷ A fluffy fic of Kokichi taking care of you when you’ve got a migraine. It’s a charming little scenario with him showing some compassion, also quite in tune with his character!

Cuddling HC’s (Tumblr-DRV3 Girls)

⤷ Ah, this has both Kaede and Tsumugi, so I figured you’d perhaps like to check it out..! Also I presume cuddling is something people do for comfort, or maybe I’m wrong, but I thought that perhaps this could bring some consolation!

Sending Nudes, Fem! S/O (Tumblr-DRV3 Girls)

⤷ Okay, wahh—! I know you said no more horny but..! This fic has some cute moments and some uplifting ones and... waahh!! I understand if it’s not what you’re in the mood for right now though!

Panic Attack HC’s (Tumblr-Kokichi, Kaede, Kirumi, and Kaito)

⤷ Ah, I figured since this is similar to what’s been happening, that it could possibly provide some comfort for you.

Expressing Adoration (Tumblr-DRV3 Boys + Maki)

⤷ This is a super soft and wholesome scenario, especially Kokichi’s. His ended up quite emotional tugged on some heartstrings. Overall, very adorable and I hope it’ll manage to bring some ease to you if you decide to read it.

Well, as far as that goes, those were the scenarios I’d manage to find. I truly am so sorry for the lack of actual comfort fics, but I hope these help in some way, shape, or form.

I love you lots, dear, and I hope the panic attacks cease. You deserve to feel as ease, love, I promise. And I hope you feel better soon.

#kodzu.asks!#kodzu’s.loves!#👀.anon!

21 notes · View notes

drariellevalentine · 4 years ago

Text

Medically Inevitable

Chapter 7- Rueful Reunions

Characters:- Arielle Valentine, Sienna Trinh, Ethan Ramsey, Naveen Banerji, Ines Delarosa, Zaid Mirani

Pairing:- Ethan Ramsey x Arielle Valentine

Warnings:- Cursing, Major Angst, Mentions of Suicide (Read this holding your device in a VERTICAL position!)

Ethan’s PoV:-

You’re standing in of the newly constructed patient rooms, head in your hands, when you hear Naveen let out a shocked gasp. You turn to look at him. “Naveen! Are you okay?” He doesn’t say anything, his eyes widening.

“...Arielle..” He looks through the hallway. Your head whips towards the hallway and you see Arielle standing there. “Fuck!” You call out to her, “Rookie! Wait!”, worried she’ll go tell Harper or some other attending. You run out from the room and about to stop her when you see her eyelashes flutter, her violet irises filled with shock. She slumps to the ground, her petite body hitting the floor with a thud. “What the hell!” You rush towards her, making sure nobody sees you and pick her feather-like body up into your arms and carry her quickly back towards Naveen’s room.

“Arielle! My god, Ethan, what’s wrong? Did you tell her?”, Naveen shouts as he rushes towards her. Now you’re utterly confused. How the hell does Naveen know Arielle?

“How do you know her?! And no, she found us by accident.”, you say as you hook her up to an extra heart monitor, peering at the numbers.

“You don’t remember, do you Ethan?”, he says. “Remember what?”, you bark.

“You don’t remember me introducing her as my goddaughter a few years back?! And here you’ve admitted me for memory loss!” Everything clicks into place. You knew you’ve seen her before, those striking violet eyes, her luscious hair, her perfectly pink lips.

Your eyes widen as you see the stats, “Her heart went up to 104 bpm. If she’s your goddaughter, then why did she freeze like that when she saw you?”

His eyes flash with pain. “I haven’t seen her in 4 and a half years, Ethan. We had a misunderstanding, leading to her cutting off all contact. The only way I knew she was fine was asking Adrian about her.” Your heart shatters for your mentor, but you’re still confused about why Arielle would cut off all contact. You’re about to hook up an IV to her when her eyes flutter open.

“Huh... where am I? She sits up and notices you, but not Naveen. “Dr. Ramsey?”

“You fainted in the hallway, I had to carry you here. Do you remember anything?”, you ask. Her cheeks are pricked with a blush.

“I fainted? I was on my way to my next patient when...” Her eyes widen as she remembers what happened. Her eyes scan the room, landing on Naveen. Tears prick her eyes, laced with pain. “Naveen?”, her voice is barely above a whisper. He walks towards her, gently cupping her face.

“How are you, my sunshine?”, his voice matches hers, softer than you’ve ever heard.

“I-I’m”- She bursts into tears, burying her face in his chest. “I- I’m so-sorry...I shouldn’t-have pushed-you away.”

“Shh...it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. We both said some things we shouldn’t have that night.”, he pauses wrapping his arms around the young intern, comforting her. “But now look at you. You’re doing exactly what you said you would be doing 7 years ago. You finished med school in only 6 years nonetheless at one of the world’s prestigious medical schools, now you’re completing your residency at your dream hospital.” She looks up, her face streaked with tears.

“You’re not mad at me? For pushing you away?”, she asks, tears still spilling from her eyes.

“Of course not. I’m proud of you...and your mother would be too. You look just like her, you know?” Her eyes light up with the tiniest hint of hope.

“Really?”, she hopefully asks.

“Really.”, Naveen assures her, encircling her in a hug. She suddenly sits up.

“But you told everyone you were retiring. But now, you’re in a hospital room, with Dr. Ramsey secretly taking care of you. Why?” Naveen’s face falls, turning to you for help.

“Dad...what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?!” He doesn’t say anything. “Dr. Ramsey, at least you tell me.”, she says walking towards you. “...He’s dying, Arielle.”, you reply quietly.

Arielle’s PoV:-

The wind is knocked out of you as you hear his words. Your knees buckle, gripping the bed at the last minute to make sure you don’t fall down. You sit on the bed, looking at Naveen. Finally, you manage to speak. “What? But how, why? When?

“I don’t have the time now, Arielle. But, the short version is that he’s in sepsis. And I’m trying to find the cause.”, Dr. Ramsey painfully replies. You look at your father, the man who’s always been there for you, being both a father and a mother to you when your actual father wasn’t. You only then notice his very thin and frail body, weakened. “Is it true?” He nods.

“Wha-Why didn’t you tell anyone?! Were you just going to wait until I found out that you were sick or worse?!”, you ask in disbelief.

“Of course not, sunshine. The only reason I’m here is because Ethan begged me too. I agreed as long as he did it in secret. I couldn’t bear to see the look on your face if I told you.”, Naveen says.

“I didn’t want to worry your brother or you for no reason. I’m confident that I’ll find the answer.”, Dr. Ramsey tries to defend him.

“We’ll find the answer. I’m helping you. There’s no way I’m not, and there’s absolutely no way you can talk me out of this.”, you firmly reply.

“Dear god! She’s like a mini you, Naveen, with her stubbornness and kindness at the same time.” He laughs.

“You’re definitely more stubborn, Ethan.” Suddenly your phone chimes. “I have a long shift in the ER in fifteen minutes. Dr. Ramsey, whenever you’re checking up on him, please page me... wait text me, pages get recorded into the system.”

“Do you have any shifts this weekend?”, Dr. Ramsey asks.

“I’m free from this evening till Monday morning. I don’t have any important plans. Why?”, you ask.

“I need a fresh pair of eyes on Naveen’s scans and reports. Can you come to my house after your shift? I’ll be able to explain Naveen’s condition more explicitly.”, he asks.

“I’ll be there.” You hand over your phone, having created a contact for him. He gives you his number.

“This is my personal number, not my office one. Do not share it with anybody.” You nod.

“Sunshine?” You turn to walk towards him. “Promise me you won’t tell anybody. Including Adrian.” Your eyes widen.

“But-I”, he cuts you off.

“But I also don’t want to bottle up your feelings, I hope you have a trustworthy friend to vent to like you did when you were young.”, he says. You giggle.

“No one’s a better listener than you, but don’t worry I’ll be fine. Take care of yourself, okay? I still have a lot more to tell you.”, you sincerely say.

“You know it would be much easier to go if you settled down. Then I could leave peacefully after seeing you in your wedding dress, walking down the aisle...”, he says.

“Naveen!”, you and Dr. Ramsey both shout.

“You will never stop with the wedding, will you? I promise you I will someday, but only if you don’t mention it again.”, you say. He laughs.

“How can I? You’re my one and one beautiful daughter! I want to see you happy.” “I am happy.”, you say.

“Ethan, my boy. Hand me my bag, will you?” He hands over a bag to Naveen. Naveen searches through the bag and pulls out a beautiful velvet box. He carefully opens the box, pulling out a beautiful rose gold necklace, encrusted with diamonds. You gasp.

“I bought this for your mother as a gift to give after she had given birth to you. Your mother was like a younger sister to me. After she died, I was heartbroken. But the moment I saw you, all my sorrow vanished. You were a striking resemblance to your mother. Those same violet eyes, pink lips. I then decided I would give this to you at the right time. I planned to give it to you on your 18th birthday, but I never got the chance. Then I decided that I would give it to you as a graduation gift, but I didn’t want to ruin your day. Life has finally given me a chance to. Will you wear it?”, he asks, his eyes full of hope.

Your eyes fill with tears once again. “Of course.” You lean down, brushing your hair towards the side as he claps the necklace onto your neck. He brushes the tear away as he looks at you.

“You look beautiful, Arielle... Now, shoo! Both of you, you have lives to save!” Giggling, you head towards the bathroom to fix your smeared makeup and head on to the ER.

General PoV:-

Arielle heads to the ER where she finds Ines. “Hey Ines.”

“Hi!.. Arielle, are you feeling okay? You don’t look so good.”, Ines asks concerned.

“It’s just a headache and some cramps from not eating. I’m fine.”, Arielle replies.

“What! How long have you been here? And what did you eat in the lunch?”, she asks. Arielle winces in pain.

“I’m fine, Ines. I didn’t have time to eat lunch but I had a glass of almond milk in the morning.” Ines goes into mother mode.

“No, you’re not. I’ll find someone else to take over your shift. Go home.”, she says.

“No. It’s okay, it’s only a few hours.”, you say. Ines spots Dr. Mirani and calls him over. “Ines, I’m fine!”

“Zaid, tell this girl to go home. She hasn’t eaten anything for more than 8 hours and she has a migraine.”, Ines firmly replies.

“Go home, Dr. Valentine. We don’t need you fainting in the ER. I can find someone else to cover your shift.”, Zaid says.

“But”- Arielle protests.

“No buts, go home. You already came here way before your shift.” Arielle heads towards the locker room, grabbing her things and heads to her car.

Arielle’s PoV:-

Entering the apartment you find Sienna in the Kitchen. "Hey, I thought your shift -" She stops seeing your tear streaked face. “Oh my God, Arielle! Are you okay? What happened?" She runs to your side and asks, concern laced in her voice.

"I-" you try to speak but instead end up sobbing, all your pent up emotions flowing out. She hugs you, “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”

You try to say something but only a few incoherent words come out from your mouth along with the sobs. Sienna keeps comforting you the whole time you cry.

"Here, drink it," she hands you a glass of water after your sobbing stops. Wiping away the tears from your eyes you take the glass from her somehow managing to say her a thank you.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks softly sitting beside you.

"No-" you try to say but even you know you need to talk about it. "...yes," You slowly nod your head.

"I'm here, Ari. We can talk about everything. You know that right?"

"I know.”, I nod. "I told you about my godfather." She nods and motions for me to continue.

“But I never told you who he is... Dr. Banerji. He's my-" my voice breaks, "Godfather."

Her eyes widen in surprise, " You mean by Dr. Naveen Banerji, Dr. Ramsey's mentor?"

"Hmm," I nod. "You know we were really close when I was young. He's the one who inspired me to be a doctor. He'd always talk about his patients and cases, how his diagnosis would save someone's life. He'd always smile while talking about that. And I wanted to feel that too. I wanted to save lives and be like him, make him proud."

You know that Sienna knows most of this part but for some reason at that time you feel the need to get everything out of your system.

"Today I- I was wandering in the new wing. The one where construction is going on. And from one of the corridors, light was illuminating, so out of curiosity I walked towards that." You pause for a brief moment and Sienna waits for you to continue patiently.

"I saw him in that room. After years-" tears starts to brim in your eyes again, "But that wasn't the shocking part. I- he was surrounded with machines, IV attached to him and Dr. Ramsey was there, head in his hands."

"Years after, I see him- and he’s sick! He's dying," you break into sobs again.

"I-I- am so sorry," Sienna side hugs you, "I thought he resigned."

"I- thought so too," you say in between your sobs ,"but apparently no. He resigned because he is sick and because he can't diagnose it!"

"Did you talk with him?" She asks and you nod.

"I did," You say still crying. "I apologized to him for pushing him away and he accepted it." Si gives me a sorrowful smile.

"Even Dr. Ramsey couldn't figure out what's wrong with him. Not yet." Your mind wanders back to what his diagnosis. "He said Naveen's in sepsis, right now."

"Hey, it'll be okay! They are the best diagnosticians of this age. I'm certain that they'll figure it out," She tries to encourage you.

"I hope so. I said that I am going to help too. Maybe I won't be of that much help but still I want to," you say.

"You're an amazing doctor, Ari. I'm sure you'll be a lot of help!"

"I just hope it’s true. I just want him to be okay."

"He will be fine. Just don't lose hope, okay?"

"Okay."

“I won’t tell anyone, don’t you worry. This stays between us besties!”

“Now, I’ll give you some space okay?” You nod. Sitting down at the piano, you’re about to play when you hear the tone you added for whenever Dr. Ramsey contacts you to make sure you don’t miss any of his updates. Laying down on the bed, you grab your phone and open the text. You decide not to tell him that you came home early.

Your heart fills with adoration once you see the adorable dog. Any trace of professionalism from you is gone and you decide to tease him a little bit.

You plug your phone into your charger, a small smile on your face, when Si enters with a plate of mini cupcakes.

"I baked you some mini red velvet cupcakes!" Sienna's cheery voice announces and you look at the plate she's holding. It bears some perfectly decorated cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. She looks at you.

"Are you going somewhere?" She asks nodding at the makeup bag you are holding.

"Yeah." You go and sit on the bed, Sienna sits beside you and you show her your texts with Dr.Ramsey. "Dr. Ramsey said he'd need a new pair of eyes to go through Naveen's report again," you say.

Sienna's lips forms a smirk reading the texts leaving you confused about what on the earth could've earned that reaction.

"You sent "heart eye" emojis to your boss, Ari," she says in a teasing manner, the smirk still on her face.

"It was for his dog Si and not him," you roll your eyes.

"Uhuh, keep saying that to yourself," She grins, "You're the one whom he invited in the box studio."

"That's because no one else was around!"

She smirks and continues, “He dropped you off." You roll your eyes at her. "He carried you bridal style when you fainted and now he asked you to come to his place!" She exclaims.

"I fainted seeing something no one was supposed to know! And I’m going to his house to help him figure out what's wrong with my godfather and his mentor," you complete the sentence for her.

She giggles seeing your irritation. "Yeah, sureeee!" She still keeps teasing you.

Sighing you pick up a cupcake from the plate and take a bite. "This is so good," you moan as the cupcake melts in your mouth.

"Thank you," She smiles at you. "But important things first, have you decided what you are going to wear?"

You shake your head. She dramatically sighs. Moving towards your walk-in closet, she goes through your clothing to find you something to wear.

"I got the perfect thing!" She says pulling out a pair of jeans and a white boho off-shoulder top. She rummages through your accessory drawer and pulls out a matching choker and hands it to you. it to you. "Get dressed. I'll be waiting outside." You nod with your mouth, full of cupcake. Getting dressed, you brush on a touch of eyeliner and lip gloss before calling Sienna in. "You look pretty!" She says coming to your room.

"Thank you!" You smile.

"Okay, so what did you pack?" She asks seeing you pack your toothbrush, comb, night cream and a few other essentials.

“Just a few essentials and a small makeup bag.”, you nod towards the backpack you’re packing.

“Okay! I’ll help you the clothes.” You pack a robe and a set of workout clothes. Sienna hands you a silky powder blue pair of pajamas. You pack everything into the bag and are about to close it when Sienna holds out a box.

“Take this with you, I’m sure you can bribe Dr. Terminator with one of my treats.”, she says. Laughing, you pack the box too. After grabbing your purse, phone and AirPods, you head out. A sudden thought hits you, “What if I’m too late to make amends, what if I can’t solve what’s wrong?” Your heads runs through several what ifs, doubt setting in you. Sienna notices.

“You’ll be okay, Ari. You’ll save him.”

“What if I can’t?”, your voice barely above a whisper.

“You will. I know you will. Just don’t give up.” You nod and head to the underground garage.

You enter your car and play your ‘Sorrowful Sadness’ playlist the whole drive, after entering Dr. Ramsey’s address into your GPS. You manage to arrive there in 40 minutes, minus the traffic. You park your car beside his and take the elevator up. “1202..1203..1204!” You ring the bell, after a few minutes he opens the door.

“Arielle. Come in.”, he pauses, “You can keep your things in that bedroom there.” You nod and head inside when a bundle of fur rushes towards your legs. “Hi!”, you go forward to pick him up, but your heel gets stuck in the door hinge, causing you to fall down and twist your ankle. Hearing your cry, Dr. Ramsey turns around and manages to catch you in record time. You blush. Jenner barks. “Nice catch.” He nods and slowly sets me down. You hadn’t realised how bad you had twisted your ankle, causing your knees to buckle. He quickly loops an arm around your waist and leads you to the sofa. Jenner comes near you. You scoop him up and pet him, “Aren’t you just adorable!” He barks and rolls around on your stomach. You start giggling uncontrollably. “Jenner! Stop.”, Dr. Ramsey says. He stops, looking sad.

“Aww! It’s okay, boy.” You open your purse and give him one of the dog treats that you brought. He eagerly eats it. “Aren’t you a good boy?” “How did you manage to twist your ankle on a doorstep?”, he asks while helping you sit on the sofa, then leaving to take your things in a guest bedroom.

“I honestly don’t know. I guess I was just distracted by this little cutie!”, you turn your attention back to Jenner. “Great Arielle, two seconds in, you managed to twist your ankle nonetheless at your boss’s house, leaving him to carry you like a bride, and also managed to make a complete and utter fool of yourself. Oh god, there’s no way Si will leave this!”

He comes back to the living room and sits on the sofa. “Jenner likes you. He doesn’t play with people that easily.”

“Well I’m very likeable. Aren’t I, boy?” He wags his fluffy “Show me your ankle.”

“It’s fine. Just a little sore.” He gives you an incredulous look.

“You weren’t able to walk 5 feet, let alone stand.” He moves closer, taking your foot and inspects it after removing the heel.

“Tell me if it hurts.” He slowly and very gently starts pressing on the ankle, to check if anything’s broken. He presses on a throbbing spot, making you cry out in pain. He wordlessly props your foot up with a pillow and goes to the kitchen, returning with a soft towel and ice.

“You really are Naveen’s goddaughter. Stubborn but kind at the same time.”, you laugh as he wraps your foot with the cold towel. He brings a footrest and places your feet on them, placing your heels near the door. Jenner bounds towards Dr. Ramsey, sitting in his lap.

“When did you adopt Jenner, Dr. Ramsey? He’s an absolute delight!”, you ask.

“Ethan is fine, outside the hospital, of course. I’ve had him since the end of my residency.”

“When did you first start noticing Naveen’s symptoms?”, you ask.

“A few months ago. It started off normal. Cough, fever, colds. Then he started getting confused, leading to trouble with his memory. When I confronted him, he said he was getting old, to worry about myself.”

“Classic Naveen...let me guess, he said no to taking a few days off or getting it checked out.”, you say. He nods.

“Then it got worse. He couldn’t breathe properly, organs started dysfunctioning.”

“...Which led to your diagnosis of sepsis.” Ethan sombrely nods. “But why didn’t you tell Chief Emery? She could have done something!”

“Once I found out, he begged me not to tell anyone. I’d never seen him like that.” You listen quietly. “I don’t know why but he doesn’t want to ask anybody for help.”

“Let me talk to him. I’ll get him to seek treatment, even if it breaks our bond. I just want him to live!”, you say feeling tears prick your eyes.

“I can’t do that to do, nor would it be of use. I’ve been trying to find out the cause, running tests under a false name.”

“Patient X. Naveen would have loved that name, the mystery... No one asked questions?”, you ask.

“People tend not to get in my way when I want something.”, he says with a humourless smile.

“Do you have any leads for what’s causing the sepsis?”

“No. Which is why I invited you. I need a fresh pair of eyes. Your level of thinking is much different then mine. I’m hoping that can get us somewhere.” He leaves the room and returns with a mountain of files, charts and test results, laying them on the ground in an order. Using your hands, you lower yourself into the plush rug, carefully crossing your legs.

“We’ll start with his latest test results. Go through them very carefully and tell me if you find anything.” You pull out your teal MacBook and a test result. Between the both of you, you manage to cover all the tests and scans, but don’t find anything. Everything, you think you have something, it ends up being false. Frustration and pain brew up inside you until you can take it anymore.

Goddammit! There has to be something we’re missing!”, you shout.

“We’ve gone through everything, Arielle. We’ll have to perform some more tests and we can find a lead somewhere.”

“No!” The night of your fight with Naveen runs through your mind. “I have to do something! There has to be some way or some lead”-

Ethan’s PoV:-

You can tell that Arielle’s in pain, but about something else.

“Arielle, listen. I know this is hard. It took me a while to forgive myself for letting this get so far. You need to let go of whatever you’re holding on to and focus on whatever we can do.”

“I-I”- She breaks down completely, her hands cover her face as she tries to muffle the sobs. You tentatively put a hand on her shoulder, letting her cry for a moment. After a few minutes, she speaks, regardless of her smeared makeup or tears continuing to stream down her face.

“...On the night of my 18th birthday, I announced to all of my family that I had gotten into Johns Hopkins for med school, completely on my own merit, full scholarship and all. My father was furious. He thought that I had betrayed him, the family legacy, the firm. My brother and Naveen were so supportive and they had always knew I would become a doctor. My father acted like this was coming from nowhere, like I was just doing it to spite him. But the truth is, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor and he never noticed that. He never cared and he never acknowledged it.”

“...he was drunk that night. He thought that I was doing this for attention, for money or something, I honestly don’t know till this day. He said that he would never speak to me again if I didn’t follow the family legacy. At that point I was furious. I blamed him for not being there for me ever, and that Naveen was.... and I told him that he was never my father..and that Naveen was. He buried himself in his work while Naveen was the one who helped me with my homework, gave me advice for any dilemma that I had. He would drop everything just to help me......and I had to go and ruin that too. He was completely out of his mind at that point, and made a mistake.......by revealing the truth of my birth.”

“....he said that during the operation, he was given a decision to make. Either save the mother without harming her,...or take a risk and try to save both. “He said that he thought that he had chosen the right decision...until now.” Her voice wobbles.

“You don’t have to tell me.” She shakes her head and continues.

“He told me that he would have given up everything to...change his decision. He said that he would’ve been much happier if...I-I wasn’t there.” Her voice turns cold, even though tears are still flowing freely. “I couldn’t take it anymore. I left, just like that, taking my car and drove all my way to Alyssa’s house, threatening that if anyone followed me, that I wouldn’t hesitate to take my life... Alyssa is Adrian’s wife, well then girlfriend. I arrived at her house, she took me inside, ran me a bath, gave me some clothes...she didn’t force me to tell her what happened. I ended up telling her everything that happened when she woke me up from a nightmare because I was screaming. A week later, Adrian and Naveen both came to see me, we both talked about it, I went for therapy and slowly got over it.”

“A month later, I moved in with Alyssa completely so that I could attend med school. It was all going perfectly fine until two years later, Adrian tells me that my father had been diagnosed with cancer. I didn’t give a care. A few days later, I went to Boston to visit Naveen. He told me that I should see my father. I got so angry, just completely bursted with anger. I don’t know how I did but, I accused him of supporting my father. I was such an idiot! I couldn’t think straight, anger blinding me, and I decided to cut all my ties with Naveen. The one person who had always been there for me. Cared for me like a father, and I stupidly decided to ruin that bond...when the truth was, he was the only person who I considered as my father. I stormed out and never saw him again until today.”

For the first time in your life, you’re speechless. You don’t know what to say. “...Naveen’s told me about you many times, but he never told me you had a falling out with him.”

“You know the worst thing of all, I hurt him so badly, but he forgave me in a second. I wanted to mend our broken bond, but now it’s probably too late. He’s dying, and I can’t do anything!” She starts crying again. Against your better judgement, you carefully wrap your arms around her, letting her cry and stain your shirt with your tears. Both of you stay there for a long time.

Arielle’s PoV:-

After a while, Ethan slowly releases you from his embrace. “Do you mind if I go and take a shower?”

“Of course not.” He leads me to the guest bathroom and runs a bath while you strip and slip on a robe. “I’ve ran a bath. There are some things in that cupboard so you can take anything you need.” You thank him, grabbing your stuff, you head into the bathroom. “I’ll leave a few towels here.”, he says as he leaves the room.

You slip off your robe and slowly sink in the luxurious bath tub, relishing the feel of hot water against your skin. You just sit there for a while and relax, letting the warm water and bubbles soothe you. After some time, you wash yourself off and head back to the room, wrapping yourself in a robe. Locking the door, you dry yourself off and slip on the shirt and shorts you brought for sleeping. You run your fingers the your hair. Realising it’s damp, you look for the towels that Ethan said that he would bring but you can’t find them.

“Ethan! Where’d you keep the towels?!”

“The towels are on the nightstand Rookie!”, he shouts after a minute. You grab the towel and give your hair a nice rub. You braid your hair into a messy, loose braid and head out.

Ethan’s PoV:-

After making sure Arielle has everything she needs to take a shower, you decide to order takeout from Olive Garden. “What would she like?...”, you think. Just then Naveen calls. You quickly answer.

“Naveen? Is everything alright?”, you ask.

“Yes, everything is fine. I wanted to ask if you saw Arielle.” You’re about to reply when Arielle shouts.

“Ethan! Where did you keep the towels?!”

“Ethan? Is that Arielle?! You facepalm yourself. “Just a second, Naveen.”

“The towels are on the nightstand Rookie!” You go back to your phone call.

“Yes Naveen. I brought her here to explain your condition more throughly.”, you reply.

“I see I’m not the only one with a nickname for Arielle!”, you groan. “It’s not a nickname”- Just then Arielle comes out.

“Thanks for the”- She pauses when she sees you’re on the phone. You hand it over to her, “It’s Naveen.”

“Hey Dad. Is everything okay? Do you need anything?”, she asks tentatively.

“No, I’m perfectly fine. I called to ask Ethan to ask for your phone number, but I didn’t know you were here. How are you feeling? I know that news wasn’t easy for you.”, he asks. “I’m fine.”, she says.

“So you didn’t cry, or break down...you just took a shower because you felt like it.” She winces. “Sunshine, please don’t cry. It isn’t your fault. I want you to know that. And I could never be mad at you.”, he replies.

“I know, it’s just...I wish I’d reached out sooner.”, she says.

“At least you reached out now. You know the people who have you in their life are very lucky. Do you know why I call you Sunshine?”, he asks. She shakes her head. “That’s because when your mother died, it was heartbreaking for all of us. But when I saw you, an exact copy of your mother, it felt like that pain was suddenly nothing compared to the joy you brought. It was like sunshine shining through a thunderstorm. I want you to know that you are loved and cherished by so many people.”

“You’re going to make me cry again!”, she says. He laughs. Your heart warms.

“Now, will you a small favour for this old man?”, he asks.

“Of course. What is it?”, she asks.

“Will you sing something for me? It’s been a long time since I’ve heard your beautiful voice.”

“Now? Here? But I don’t have any instruments not to mention I’m not at home.”, she says nervously.

“Ethan, if you have a guitar lying around somewhere, give it to her, will you. Also, you don’t mind if she sings right?”, he asks.

“Of course not. I’ll go get it.” You go and get the guitar you keep in the other spare bedroom, and come into the living room to find Arielle struggling to sit down, phone in hand. Taking the phone from her, you help her sit down on the sofa.

“Sunshine, what happened? Why is Ethan helping you sit down?”, he asks worried.

“I’m fine Dad. I twisted my ankle because I got distracted by Jenner...Wait, where is he?”

“He’s sleeping.”, you point to a dog bed inside your bedroom.

“Dear god, Arielle! Be careful will you! Barely 1 day since I saw you and you’re already hurt.”, he exclaims. You hand Arielle the guitar and pick.

“What song do you want me to sing? I’m not exactly in the mood to sing something happy, though.”, she says. “Anything you feel like.”

Arielle’s PoV:-

Music has always been an outlet to you. It lets you feel whatever you’re going through. So, what better than to sing something that you’re going through, you convey whatever you want to say.

You start strumming the starting verse of “If You Need Me”.

“I wish I could fix it, I wish I knew what to say” “But everything feels like a lie these days” “Don’t know how not to feel that way, oh”. “But everyone feels like a liar these days” “Don’t know how not to feel that way”

You sing the first few verses in a meaningful but medium pitch. “But if you need me, I’ll be right there”. “When you’re dreaming all your nightmares” “I’ll come tackle the monsters”. “I’ll find where they hide in the nighttime”

You feel like you need to sing this, to let him know that from now on, you’ll always be there for him. “If you need me, I’ll be right there”. “When you’re happy, and when you’re scared”. “I can still be your shoulder”. “I’ll be by your side, even if I’m not next to you”

You hum along with the strumming. “Have we spent too much time on what we used to be” “Am I making up details in the memories”. “Have I got too caught up on the you and me thing” “Well I’m hoping not ‘cause I loved all we got” “Outta sight, don’t mean out of mind” “Not in your space but you’re still in mine”. “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...oh, oh, oh, oh, oh”.

Your voice reaches new heights as your strumming intensifies. “But if you need me, I’ll be right there”. “When you’re dreaming all your nightmares”. “I’ll come tackle the monsters” “I’ll find where they hide in the nighttime” “If you need me, I’ll be right there” “When you’re happy, and when you’re scared”. “I can still be your shoulder”.

Your voice reaches even higher peaks, all your pent up emotions flowing into the last verses you sing. I’ll be by your side even if I’m not next to you” “All I had!” “I’ll be be your side, even if I’m not next to you...”

You let your voice slowly dry out, until Ethan speaks. “That was beautiful.” You blush for no reason.

“I knew a song would get you to open up.”, Naveen says.

Your eyes widen as you realise what he just made you confess. You smile sheepishly. “You really know me.”

“Of course I do. Now, have you two eaten dinner?”

“I was just about to order when you called, Naveen.”

“I’m extremely sorry, Ethan for interrupting. I’ll go now, enjoy your dinner date!”, he quickly ends the video call before either one of you can say anything.

“That man will never let go of the teasing, will he?”, Ethan asks.

“Nope! I’m hungry! What are we ordering?”

“I don’t know what you like.”

“Why don’t you use your ‘Art of Observation’ skills?”, you tease him. He groans.

“Okay, okay, umm...let me think.” You take the phone from Ethan and scroll down the menu. “I’ll have the Alfredo Fettuccini with Grilled Shrimp.” “Nice choice.” He calls the restaurant.

“Hello, yes, is this Olive Garden? I would like to order one Chicken Parmesan with Penne and one Alfredo Fettuccini with Grilled Shrimp, please.” He orders and give them the address, cutting the call. “It’ll be here in thirty minutes. Do you want something else?”

“No. It’s enough. I don’t even know if I can eat that much. Oh my god, I completely forgot! Sienna baked cupcakes and gave me a tray to bring here.” His eyes go wide.

“You told your friend?!” You wince.

“It was a moment of weakness. She’s my best friend and wanted to make sure I was alright. We can trust her, she won’t tell anyone.”

“And how do you know that?”, he retorts.

“She lied to you to save me from getting butchered by you on my first day. She didn’t even know me then. She’s very trustworthy. Plus, anything she makes are totally worth it.”

He sighs. “You’re right. It’s just Naveen will bolt the second if he knew somebody else knew.”

“I know. Just wait a sec.” You carefully hop to your bag and grab the box of mini cupcakes that she baked. “Here, try one.” He takes one, peeling of the wrapper and pops it into his mouth. A few seconds later, his face is filled with surprise.

“I told you they’d be good. I’ll tell her you said so.”, you say with a smirk. He stares at you. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone else that Dr. Terminator loves mini red velvet cupcakes...although on the bright side you would get them every single day. Want me to do you a favour?” He looks absolutely horrified. You start laughing so hard, that you almost fall, forgetting that your ankle is swollen. He wraps an arm around your waist, steadying you and leads you to the dining table. “Sit down, and please don’t make your ankle worse.” “Okay, doctor!” You see a small smile on his face. “I’d say we’re becoming friends, if I didn’t know you any better.”

Ethan’s PoV:-

You scoff. “I don’t think so.”

“You said that Naveen had told you a lot about me, but clearly not enough. You didn’t recognise me at all. It’s not like I expected you to give me special treatment or anything. In fact, I would have hated it. That’s the sole reason I changed my last name. So what did Naveen tell you about me?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Cause you’re my boss! And he’s my father! He might have told you the most embarrassing stories about me!” You laugh.

“He didn’t tell me anything like that. He told me about your personality, interest of becoming a doctor, and that you were very close with your brother and cousins.”

She nods. “I am. My brother is someone I admire and look up to very much, like Naveen. He’s the person I always turn to for advice during a crisis. When it’s a fashion emergency though, I always turn to Alyssa though. She’s like the older sister I never had.”

“Alyssa is a fashion designer?”

“She’s one of the best. Her brand ‘Flair’, has been endorsed by many celebrities and me a few times. She always sends me a bunch of clothes, shoes, lingerie every season she releases a new line. According to her, her little sister should always be in style wherever she goes. I’m quite lucky. Through her, I got to meet a lot of my favourite singers, and even became best friends with some of them. We try to meet up every 6 months but our schedules are demanding.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever come across your name though.”, you say. “Search Arielle Raines.”, she says. You pull out your phone and type her name. Your eyes widen at the results.

“I know, though a lot of it might be fake. I don’t really name search myself.”

“According to Wikipedia, you’re an actress, model, singer, influencer, and a MD holder. Care to explain?”, you ask. The bell rings. “I’ll get it.” You answer the door, paying for the food, you set everything up on the table.

“Okay, So when I was in high school, I played one of the leading roles in a medical drama. I sometimes help Alyssa with modeling her new outfits. According to my Insta bio, I have 40 million something followers. And well, I finished med school and now I’m in Edenbrook for my residency. Does that sum it all up?”, she asks. “That’s quite accomplished for a person of 25.”

“Well, it was all given to me in a silver platter. The only thing I actually worked hard for is my med degree.” You nod as you both dig in. “Mmm...this is good!”

“Anyways, my cousin and I are really close. Even though Adrian is younger, he is more mature. Me and my cousin though, we would play pranks on each other all the time. I suppose the great Ethan Ramsey wasn’t like that.”

“Actually, I once blew up my neighbor’s shed.” Her eyes light up as she starts laughing.

“You did?! You can’t be serious! There must have been some reason!”

“He bashed my cello, so I blew up his precious shed. What pranks did you play on your cousin?”

“Well I played a lot, and so did he. But probably the one that got him the most was probably the act I put on when he pushed me into the pool.” You look at her.

“So...I think it was a few days before Christmas and we were home alone. We were idiotic teenagers and decided to jump into the icy cold pool. So we both changed into our suits and when we were about to jump he pushed me in. I pretended that he had pushed me too hard and started coughing so hard. He literally screams and quickly bends down to pull me up. I was near the edge, and he pulled me halfway from my waist and then I suddenly yanked him down. He was sooo mad.”, she grins.

“My god! You are evil!”

She feigns shock, “Me! He’s the one who pushed me into the freezing pool, and mind you it was deep!” You both laugh and talk throughout dinner. You don’t think you’ve ever been so, at ease talking to somebody. Something about her...

Both of you finish dinner. You place everything into the dishwasher and clean it all up, after refusing her help.

“Goodnight, Ethan. Tonight was nice.” “Goodnight, Rookie.” She smiles as she heads to the guest bedroom. You enter yours, following through your regular night routine, you change into a pair of low-waisted sweatpants and cover yourself with the comforter.

#open heart #playchoices #ethanjonahramsey #ohsy #collab #ethan x mc #modern au #open heart fanfic #from the bottom of my heart #thank you for never getting tired of them

31 notes · View notes

vonnyphant · 4 years ago

Text

To Blog or Not to Blog?

“You should start a diary and write about your experiences. It may help people going through the same thing.”

Honestly? If there’s one thing I discovered about this diagnosis, it’s that it makes me pretty damn selfish. I don’t want to help other people (not just yet, anyway). But putting some thoughts down about this time in my life may be of some sort of therapeutic value, and I do want to help myself.

(Maybe for once, saving the world can wait. Do you remember how, soon after the pandemic hit, people stopped avoiding plastic and single-use items? When your health is at risk, suddenly rainforests and polar bears and the planet are deprioritised- not that anyone will admit to this. But this is my diary and I can say what I want!* Writing for myself it is.)

Having established my less-than-Mother-Theresa-like reasons for this blog, my conscience cleared, it’s time to start. This is where the Lifetime movie shows me, in a half daze, mellowed out on drugs while they sew a mediport into my chest to start administering chemicals. A fast lane to my bloodstream. A docking station. The soundtrack? Hopefully ‘Across The Universe’ by the Beatles (possibly Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. If I get a say in it, I veto The Walrus) Time to pump this body full of drugs that’ll make my hair fall out.

Wait, what?

Voice Over: “Yep. That’s me. You’re probably wondering what I am doing here…” //record scratch - freeze frame - fast rewind to the psychedelic outtro of A Day In The Life//

Two months ago, during rub-a-dub-in-the-tub (less naughty than it sounds, was just washing myself), my mind inexplicably went to an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, s1 (aired in 1992- yes, I am that old), where Brenda Walsh has a breast cancer scare. I say inexplicably, because my usual shower fantasies do not include Ms Shannon Doherty - if I was going to pick a shower lady, I’d opt for Charlize Theron, Kiera Knightly or Winona Ryder in their short-hair phases, but that is neither here nor there.

Say what you want for 90s television- weird outfits and ponytails notwithstanding, in their AfterSchoolSpecial PSA way, they dedicated a whole scene to the girls giving themselves a breast exam, including how-to instructions**, and eventhough I was only 11 years old when I saw it, I remembered what to do, and for the last 30 years, every now and then I have randomly carried it out while wondering how I always preferred Brandon over Dylan and how my tastes have changed over time.

But this time - my hand actually found something.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down the same way I did after finding spots on my skin, lumps on my head and every time I sneezed since covid-19; by telling myself to fucking snap out of my hypochondria tendencies. One cannot go to the doctor every damn day after all. Breast tissue is pretty lumpy and I assumed it was just imaginary. I made an appointment to see a therapist, and put it out of my mind until a few weeks later, when one of the kids came crashing down on me (literally) and faceplanted in my boob (as they do).

Now this always hurts af, but it just hurt that little more that day, so that I grabbed the appendage in question and went “WHAT THE--!” And I felt it again- the lump, more defined than a few weeks before.

Cue a lot more freaking out than the first time, and after a sleepless night, imagining what my funeral would look like (as one does), I decided to go to the gynocologist the same day or risk never to sleep again.

After a long wait and an ultrasound, my doctor assured me that while there really was a mass, it had every indication of being benign. We should keep an eye on it. If I was worried, I could schedule a second screening, but would not likely get an appointment before April. I scheduled one and tried to focus on preparing our first lockdown Christmas.

But over the holidays, the lump started hurting, even when I wasn’t poking it or having a kid catapult themselves into my chest. I’d be Netflix and Chilling, and suddenly - ZAP - like someone stuck a hot needle into it. Repeatedly. My nipple would go numb or start tingling like a bodypart that fell asleep. It freaked me out, and in the new year, I realised I couldn’t wait until April - I had to get it checked out again or I may worry myself to death.

My gynocologist did another ultrasound and again, told me not to worry. I told her it was way too late for that as I had been worried for weeks, and I wanted the thing biopsied (they gave Brenda Walsh one too, after all! It’s the only way to be 100% sure). She referred me to the hospital. At the description of my symptoms, I could come directly, and the radiologist told me in no unclear terms: “I will not let you leave this room until we draw blood and take several biopsies.” Okay- not exactly what one wants to hear at that point, but at the same time, I figured knowing would be better than guessing by the shape of it.

Test results took a week. I went in, being prepared to be told (like Brenda) it was a harmless clump of random cells or a cyst we could have removed like a wart. Only it wasn’t. It was breast cancer, an aggressive, fast-growing kind, and had I waited until April, that could have had disastrous consequences.

While the doctor explained we now needed to determine the scope of the spread and take more tissue to determine what kind of chemo (if any) could be applied, all my 2020-PTSD brain could think was:

“.............of course”.

Didn’t hear much of what she said afterwards.

Another harrowing 4 days went by, with a CT screening with contrast solutions that gave me an intense stomach ache as well as a migraine, and finally, a fully rounded diagnosis and treatment advice could be made.

Thankfully, all my organs as well as lymphnodes were clear, so it appears to be a localised tumor. And here we are - to fight this thing with chemicals and then cut out whatever is left. Genetics testing to see about the likelihood of a recurrency (and a possible double mastectomy if so - ‘pulling an Angelina Jolie’, ‘not saving the tatas’, insert ‘Think About It meme’...can’t have breast cancer if you don’t have breasts! THINK ABOUT IT***).

Chances are good. I need to cling to that while I wait for this port and treatment to start. I have accepted the inevitable hair loss, have scheduled a ritual ‘crazy hair cutting party’ with my kids for this weekend (as I would rather shave it off in one go than clean up clumps and strands over the course of weeks and look like Gollum), and I have sewn several funny little hats for inside wear and ‘going out’ (though where will I be going in pandemic, idk).

I was going to end this post on a light and happy note - but I must admit my confidence just took a really big hit in real time, as I googled how to spell Shannon’s last name for this blog entry and found out that she was treated for breast cancer in 2015, initially succesfully, but it reappeared metastasized in 2020 (again: ‘of course...when else’) and she is now in stage IV. Fuck 2020.

What are the odds that the woman whose character made me discover my own breast cancer is now, in fact, dying of the same disease? This will surely haunt me for a long time to come.

More tomorrow? Or soon? It may take a while. Until then: outro to It’s Getting Better.

*also for the record I would like to state that I’ve sewn my own masks from upcycled pillowcases and continued using fruit- and vegetable nets to avoid plastic; maybe that makes up for me being utterly selfish at the moment. Karma +1?

** https://youtu.be/pkgYXITkrfw (the scene from BH 90210)

***cis men / trans women without breasts can also get breast cancer (even though it’s rare) so this meme doesn’t really hold up, but that’s the whole point of the meme ;)

8 notes · View notes

ashisbaeee · 5 years ago

Text

Her Part 11

a/n: hello lovelies, my goodness, it has been forever since I’ve last been on here and more importantly since updated this series. thank you all so much for being so understanding and patient for my absence, I greatly appreciate it.

here is the long awaited part 11, I truly hope you all enjoy it and that it was worth the wait.💗as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated, I love hearing what you guys think of the chapter.

sorry for any errors

word count: 4.1k(eek!)

italics are Y/N’s thoughts

for those who are interested, I will have the previous parts here:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

_____________________________________

Shock, disbelief coursed through you, completely taking over your frame. What was once your cozy home became uncomfortable, wishing you were still out, albeit your feet were killing you, anywhere else than your quiet home and away from him. You could feel his eyes on you, but you dared not look. You had glued your eyes to the ground; wishing this was some terrible dream. You didn’t need this, not right now. If you were being frank, this was possibly the worst time as he will eventually take in your full appearance, your bump in full display. You never wanted to see his face now and certainly not ever. This wouldn’t be good for you, and ultimately, this wouldn’t be good for the baby. Stood right smack in the middle was the last person on earth you prayed you’d never see again. Shock and anger coursed through you. You could feel your heart racing, your breathing was becoming erratic. You noticed your quickened heartbeat; you could feel it pulsing in your carotid arteries, you were beginning to get a massive migraine and you were becoming a bit nauseous. The room started to spin, it was as if you were back in your first trimester of pregnancy again.

Quick, let me find a garbage can in the event I hurl my guts out.

You pushed that thought to the back of your mind as you took in the man that broke your heart invading your home. And how your sister let him in?! She must have been out of her damn mind. No good was to come out of this. But that was a discussion for a later time.

What is he doing here?! You exclaimed.

“Please Y/N, let me explain” your sister pleads.

“Then get to it” you spoke, your patience gone the moment you stepped foot into your home.

“I saw him while I was at the grocery store. Actually, he saw me and approached me.”

“That doesn’t explain as to how he got here. Meeting at the grocery store doesn’t lead into coming into my home” you interjected.

“I’m getting to that part, so please, just listen” she spoke, while he stood silent a few feet from the both of you.

“He came up to me and asked me how you were doing. Before I could even respond, he said he had seen you with me. He knew that we were both around the area as he had seen pictures of us”

“Pictures from where?!”you interrupted yet again, but you didn’t care.

“Uh, a fan had sent them to me” finally, the man had broken his silence.

Your head snapped so quickly you were surprised it didn’t crack or something possibly worse.

“What??!! A fan?! A fan! How on earth did they even get a picture? Explain”

“A fan had seen you a couple times, or at least that’s what she told me. She sent the pictures-- err- she sent me DMs of you both via Instagram, and this isn’t the first time she has DMed me. One day, as I quickly scrolled passed through my DMs, your name caught my eye. Without thinking, I clicked on the message and that was when I saw your pictures, it was a picture of you smiling. I thought it was a joke, some skilled photoshop or something. My curiosity got the best of me and I couldn’t bear the unknown and the ‘what ifs’ and I was driving myself lad so I think a couple of days later, I sent her a message asking where she saw you. Which brings us to where we are now”

“So she freely sent you the town I’m at?!”

“Well, uhm, yeah. Uh. Yes, she did. Please, calm down”

“I can’t calm down” your voice rising.

“I don’t get why you’re so angry”

Oh hell no. He did not just say that.

“Angry? Want to know why I’m so angry? It’s because what she did was an invasion of privacy?”

“You know, out of all the people in this room, I should be the one that’s angry. Angry that you left me without a trace. How you deliberately went to all extents to erase yourself from the world. You went completely ghost on me. You went to great lengths to make sure that I would never be able to find you ever again. Do you know how sick and worried I was? I didn’t know if you were okay and there was no way for me to find out. God forbid something happened to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Knowing or not knowing if you were okay or not killed me. So yeah, I am angry, and understandably so” his voice matching yours.

“When did you feel that? When did all those emotions hit you? Huh? Please, enlighten me. Right after I did everything I could to ensure you would never find me again? Don’t act like you cared since the beginning. Clearly you did not care that day when you and the group realized a whole while later that you had left me at the Jimmy Kimmel studio. I get that you were so excited for the movie, trust me, I understand but it really seemed like the movie mattered more than me. Not to sound jealous or anything. But really, I felt like I was invisible and in my opinion, it seemed like a total waste of time and money flying out to you, and that day was a total wake up call; I got your message, loud and clear. A part of me thinks that maybe you’ve never really cared for me, uh, but only you know that answer. But it seems like you have a lot to say, so by all means, Tom, please, entertain me, since I clearly don’t have anything else better to do” the sarcasm clearly evident in your tone. “You were so preoccupied with the movie and talking about the love scenes and all the places you were all about to visit, how it was working alongside Jake Gyllenhaal, that of course you’d forget me. It was as if I was never there, I felt invisible. Like I was an afterthought, it was stupid of me to think that I mattered to you. I regret flying out to see you, that is time and money I can’t take back”

“Oh stop that, don’t be dumb” he says exasperatedly.

Just as you were about to reply, you stopped in your tracks. Your pent up anger greatly affecting you and ultimately the baby too, all of your emotions consuming your entire being that you felt sharp pains running at your side. It was as if someone had ran up to you and stabbed you in your ribs. You kneel to the ground clutching the right side of your body as you hunch over in pain. Your sister notices your sudden moves and rushes to your side, she tries to calm you down, and tells you to do some deep breathing exercises but you can’t, the pain was too unbearable.

You ended up changing positions and curled yourself into a fetal position as you clutched your side. You were in agony, the pain was so excruciating that you started crying. Panic courses to all three of you. Seeing you in this state killed him. If there was one thing he hated, it was seeing you in pain and upset; and here you were, feeling both. Something was definitely wrong. He and your sister decided to take you to the hospital. He offers to drive while your sister tries to help you calm down and relax. Instinctively, he scoops you up from where you were and carried you bridal style; he carries you into the backseat of the car and buckles you up. While waiting for your sister, he quickly typed the nearest hospital address in his phone GPS, and in a matter of seconds, he got the car up and running and began his route.

You could feel yourself profusely sweating. Your body was shaking uncontrollably, assuming that you were becoming hypothermic because of this added stress, your body’s defense mechanism in complete overdrive. Your heart was racing, as you put your index and middle finger in the inner aspect of your wrist, just below your left thumb, you felt the pulsations. Your pulse was bounding, you couldn’t even count your heartbeat, it was just beating erratically.

It must be somewhere in the 150s or higher. Who knows. Baby, I hope you’re alright in there. We are on our way to the hospital. I truly hope and pray that you’re not in any distress, I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you, I don’t know what I’d do if I find out you aren’t okay. I can’t bear the thought of possibly losing you. God knows what I would do if I find out you aren’t okay. Please, baby, mommy’s begging you, please be okay, for You thought to yourself, as a few tears fell, ultimately landing on your sweater.

It felt like forever, but you finally arrived at the hospital. Tom pulled into the entrance to the Emergency Department and quickly ran in to get help. Within minutes you saw 3 people running towards the car with a stretcher. They assisted you into the stretcher safely and brought you in, Tom rushing alongside you all, matching the strides of the hospital staff and your sister in tow. Immediately you were brought into your room and you were hooked up to the monitors. More staff came in to get an IV line inserted as well get blood and urine samples for routine testing. They took off the sweater you were wearing and quickly put on a hospital gown. They realized you were expecting, so they planned to get the OB resident involved in your case.

Everything and everyone was moving rather quickly, you began to feel dizzy again. Without warning, you started to vomit. Your fight or flight instincts kicking into maximum overdrive, your body’s internal homeostasis all out of whack. You assume that this was your body’s weird way of dealing with this distress.

If there was one thing you got from this pregnancy, it was that stress plus your body was not a good mix. You got extremely ill whenever your body’s homeostasis was out of the norm. Your body’s way of dealing with the stress/situation at hand.

In the midst of your body retching, getting rid of all the contents of your stomach, you happened to muster up enough energy to look up at the monitor. Heart rate 198, Blood pressure 180/120. Holy shit. One of the nurses had hooked up an external fetal monitor to your bump; the alarms were going off as soon as it turned on, as per the monitor, your baby’s heart rate was 175. That was out of the norm; normal fetal heart rate is 120-160. How you were still awake and conscious and aware of your surroundings was beyond you. A person with those vital signs usually pass out, goes into cardiac arrest or have a stroke. They were then immediately intubated, had a foley catheter and had a central line inserted instead of just a peripheral line and whisked into the critical care unit. It was almost shocking that you hadn’t passed out or lose consciousness. You’ve seen it happen countless times, I guess you were one of the rare cases.

You end up passing out. While you are unconscious, he meets up with your sister and the doctors, your sister informed him that she got in contact with your parents and that they were on their way.

The doctors waited for your parents to arrive before leading you all into a private room to talk about their plan once all the test results come in. After discussing your plan of care, they brought him into your room, and that, at that moment, was when he took in your appearance. That was when he saw your bump, you’re pregnant.

Had it really been that long since he last saw you? So many thoughts ran rampant in his mind. Who was the baby’s father? Will he be coming to meet up with your family? Will he sit beside you and wait until you woke up? His consuming thoughts elicited the pain he worked so hard to suppress. The love of his life was having a baby with someone that was not him. His lifelong dream to marry you and start a family with was shattered; now becoming his worst nightmare. In just a short time, he would come face to face with the lucky man who now has you.

After some time, you wake up. Your family rushed to your side and held you tightly, relieved that you regained consciousness. He stood in the back of the room and watched the moment.

You were consumed with talking with your parents that you didn’t realize he left the room. He leaves and heads to the nurse’s station to alert them that you’ve woken up.

He comes in to let your parents know that your nurse was paging the residents to let them know you were awake. As he spoke, he dared not look at your direction. He maintained eye contact with your parents. As you lie in bed, you took in his image. Never in a million years did you think you would bump into him again. After all this time, he managed to stay the same. The same lanky, curly headed fool that you were once in love with. You could see the look on his face; the look of heartbrokenness, mixed with him being a little more pale than usual. He looked so hurt, so empty. Every single one of your family members felt it too. They knew that it wasn’t their business, but just like everyone else(everyone that mattered), they loved and shipped the idea of you both, and seeing the two of you apart and so broken, broke them too.

He whispered something to them and left your room.

It had been quite some time and he still had not returned to your room. Worried, you send your sister to look for him, or at least see if he was okay, or if he had left(again), without saying goodbye.

She obliges to your wish and leaves your room. About 100 feet from your room, she sees his frame in one of the chairs. He sat in one of the chairs in the hospital waiting room, his hands brought up to his face. As your sister made her way to the seat beside him, she rested her hand on his shoulder. Shocked at the action, he looks up. With flushed cheeks and red eyes, he locked eyes with hers. She couldn’t help it, it wasn’t long before she started crying too.

“How is she doing?”

“She seems okay, she’s talking to mom and dad right now. She was wondering where you went, so she sent me to find you. Are you going to go back?”

“N-no, I don’t think so. I don’t think that’ll be good for her. I think it is best that I leave, please send her my regards and well wishes; also, please tell her I send my congratulations, she’s going to be such an amazing mother. I’ve never doubted that, not in the slightest bit. She was always so good with kids” his voice quivered, the agony clearly evident.

“I know it’s hard, but please. Just go in, I’m sure she would like to see you and thank you for taking her here. What do you have to lose?”

He sat silent, contemplating his decisions.

What does he have to lose?

“Okay, I’ll go in”

Content with his answer, she nods her head.

“Y/S/N, can I ask you something? Is, is, she still angry? Is she still upset about what happened? I want to explain myself, but I don’t know if that will do more harm than good. Things clearly did not go as I had hoped it would earlier today, I mean come on, look where it landed us- I mean her, and her baby. I don’t want to stress her out any more. She doesn’t need that, she needs to focus on getting better, for herself and the baby. I am afraid to ask her, but what is she having? A boy or girl?”

“I don’t know, really. I don’t, I, I uh haven’t asked her. I feel like it’s none of my business, y’know? Like I don’t want to bring it up and upset her or something. Try and see if she’s willing to listen, you honestly never know unless you ask and try again. Anyways, she’s having a girl. We are all so excited. I swear, the baby isn’t born yet but she’s already so spoiled. I can’t even imagine how it’ll be when she’s actually here”

“Uhm, yeah, maybe I’ll ask her. I’m going to take it one step at a time”

She gets up from her seat and waits for him. It wasn’t long before they arrived back into your room.

She enters first and takes her seat right by your parents. He shuts the door and stands in his original spot.

You knew you needed to have a conversation with him, to continue with the conversation you both had before coming to the ED.

Your whole family sensed some kind of tension in the air. They figured you both needed to have this conversation, even though both parties were hesitant.

Your parents tell you that they were going to grab some dinner and needed your sister to come along with them, making up an excuse really, so that you and him were left with no choice but to talk. It was a long time coming. Well needed too.

The three of them left, leaving you and him. You could feel the awkwardness in the air.

You figured he was going to leave.

“Do-do you want me to keep you company until they return?” he finally spoke

“Uh, it’s up to you. You can leave if you want. I’ll be okay, I’m hooked to the monitors, so the doctors and nurses on the unit can keep an eye out on me. If anything happens, they have everyone’s numbers, so they’ll get in contact with them. You must be exhausted”

“Actually, I’m okay. But if you want me to leave so you can rest, I can. Maybe I’ll stop by tomorrow, if you want me to”

“I’m actually okay too. If you want to come by again tomorrow, you can. Uh, I. Uh, I, I just want to say thank you. Y’know, for taking me here”

“Y-yeah, of-of course. I’m sorry; for what I said earlier. You’re not dumb, not in the slightest”

“I’m sorry too”

“Can we talk?”

“I thought that was what we were doing?”

“I mean, like talk, talk”

“About?”

“Us. About everything”

You remained silent.

He took this opportunity to explain himself. When else was he going to have the chance to do so?

Your sister’s words replaying in his head.

“I know there are no sorries in this world can truly express how terrible I feel about what happened and what I did. I’m sorry it took me getting to the hotel to realize your absence. I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner. Sorry that I didn’t try hard enough to find you. How I’ve let you in an unknown place by yourself. Because of what I did I missed out on what was the biggest day of your life. I would have loved to have been there on your graduation day, cheering for you from the stands because I am so unbelievably proud of you. All of your hard work, blood, sweat and tears paid off. If I could go back in time and change everything, I would. I would do so in a heartbeat, because that shouldn’t have happened” he sobs.

Tears pool in your eyes as well. This was a long time coming. As much as you hated the idea, it needed to be done, for both your sakes.

“I can never blame you. That, this, is your career. This is what you’re meant to do in this life. This is your calling. Who am I to ever take that away from you? You worked so tirelessly and so hard to get to where you are now. You are so passionate in everything that you do, and that movie was no different. It definitely showed, it was a really good movie. Look, it’s in the past now, I’ve moved on. I’ve accepted it, and I’m okay.. And I think you should stop beating yourself up for what happened and carry on. Don’t be too hard on yourself” you spoke, your voice barely a whisper.

“I can’t. I just can’t” he whimpered.

Silence.

“So Y/S/N told me you’re having a baby girl. Congratulations. You are going to be such an incredible mom, I’ve seen you with kids, you are such a natural... Did you find a name for her yet?”

“Uh, thank you, yes I did. Her name is Arielle Rose”

“That such a lovely name, darling”

Darling. His favorite term of endearment for you.

“Uh, I’m sorry. It just slipped” he says, trying to save himself from the uncomfortableness.

Oh how you’ve missed that name.

“uhm, thanks”

Great, now things are awkward again. Ugh.

“So, is your boyfriend on his way?”

“What boyfriend?”

“The baby’s father, is he on his way?”

“No. He doesn’t exist”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know”

“It’s fine. Yeah no, he will not be a part of her life. I know she’ll probably ask when she is older, but we will cross that mountain when the time comes”

“I know it’s none of my business, but did something happen?”

“Just as you said, it is none of your business; but we just didn’t work out, that’s all”

Y/N, tell him the truth. He deserves to know. He has the right to know, he is the father. Even though things fell apart between you both, you need to not be selfish and not rob her of her father and his amazing family.

“I’m sorry”

“Yeah”

Just as you were about to speak, a knock caught both your attentions.

The OB doctor as well as your nurse came in. They told you that you were going to be admitted for the night for observation. They asked if you needed anything else from them before they left, shaking your head and reminded you for like the hundredth time that night that if you needed anything to press the red button in the remote and a staff would be in to assist you.

You thanked them as they proceeded out the door.

“So how far along are you?”

“6 months” “Did you have your gender reveal or baby shower yet?”

“My sister and I are actually planning my gender reveal. My parents don’t know. We are supposed to have it in about 2 weeks”

“Oh that sounds great, how are you revealing?”

“With pink balloons inside of a huge white box, after the countdown, we will untie the strings and the top of the box will open, revealing and releasing the balloons. The color theme is pink, blue and white, we are planning to have different things and foods that are pink and blue to see which one each guest thinks I am having and games where people can guess what I’m having”

“That sounds like so much fun”

“Yeah, it does. I can’t wait. In a way, I just want it to be over, this was beyond stressful trying to plan. I think I need to make a mental note of this for her first birthday party” you let out a small laugh.

He locks eyes with you and smiles.

He saw how tired you looked, and opted to pause the conversation, you needed to rest. Pleased with how your conversation went. He still had some questions, but decided that he will defer them to a later time.

He shut the light off and told you to take it easy. He told you that he would stay with you until your family came back. He greeted you goodnight and tucked you in.

You thanked him once again and began to drift off.

You woke up in the middle of the night and saw him asleep beside you. He rested his head at the foot of your bed. You were surprised to see him, you thought he would be long gone, assuming that your sister or your mom was going to spend the night with you.

The exhaustion clearly taking its full effect on your body, your eyes barely staying open, even in just that mere moment. You pulled your blanket up to your neck as you rested your head back on your pillow, welcoming your slumber again.

G’night, Tom.

_________________________________________________________

series taglist: @hollandroos @roses-hxlland @parkeret @sleepybesson @moonlightom @blueeyedbesson @unholyholland @lemondropirwin @delicately-important-trash @let-me-luve-you @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl @smexylemony @allieandcoffee @captainbuckyy @notevenenglish @infamousmany @geeksareunique @bellagrayson-wayne @a-dorky-book-keeper @crazypsychobookworm @lilya-petrichor @gemflowerrr @judemoos @chillinjules @littlebookbengal @marvelhoelland @its-the-unknownspidey @emeraldrhee-grimes @stephy-senpai @marvelismylifffe @tiya14 @andreuskystuff @soy-una-conejo @danicarosaline @youngjellyfishpolice @ellascarlettangel @wonders-of-the-multiverse @trumpettay @aestheticgaybish @ghostlytree612 @asmilinghopelessromantic @raspberrydreamclouds @seasidecrowbar @anini71 @kaylinfayezink @trashsiara @ionknowrlly @southsidespidey @julsgrc @jackiehollanderr @hollandshearteyes @imagine-addictt @madeinthemidnightmemories @iwokeupinabadmood @bobo-bush @h-oneyholland @vthenerd @justkeepdreaminganddreaming @lala-florez @mutuallynotmutual @karlitabi-rrito @crashhmycar @a-dorky-book-keeper @hollandinq @southsidespidey @kill-the-stereo @wronglanemendes @quackson606 @lovexo26 @wowiedraco @kaylathekittykat225 @popluckbih @littleraton @cannotpsd @unholyholland @ashwarren32 @parkerindustrys @euphorichxlland

#tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland one shot #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #herseries

169 notes · View notes

briefololtragedy · 4 years ago

Text

Something to Stay Part 4

Sakura X Itachi

Prequel to Say anything

Itachi doesn’t like being called Uchiha-san.

Rating G

Call me by my name

It was 4:55 when Sakura rushed into the locker room to change into her scrubs for the day. She was always at least 15 minutes early, but this morning it was hard to get up. Sasuke had so many questions and worry for his brother, by the time she go to answering all of then it after 11pm and she wanted to crash into bed, which she did the moment she got home. Shower be damned!

Her alarm woke her from sleep at 430, apparently she snoozed it at 4am. Next thing she knew she bolted out of the bed, almost tripped on her bedding that was now on the floor of her bedroom. When she says almost tripped, she means full on face plant to the floor. A quick shower to wash of the hospital grim just for it to be replaced by a new layer. There was no time to dry her hair, which she put into a quick messy bun. Looking in the mirror after throwing on a simple pair of skinny jeans and oversized T-shirt with a bowl of ramen on it, she noticed the bumps on her face and the slight break out she has gotten due wearing surgical mask so long yesterday and only eating cookies. Looking at her watch, it was 445, the time she normally got to work. She grabbed her Toms and ran out the door.

Sakura made it to handoff just as the clock hanged to 5. Kabuto looked smug. “You look like a walking disaster this morning. Try to put yourself together before seeing patients. We don’t want you giving them a heart attack with how dreadful you look.”

Sakura found herself having to count to 10. She could not punch Kabuto, in the face multiple times, it would be unprofessional. She was sure he was upset with her getting to assist yesterday. They had 20 patients to cover. Kabuto took 4 and split the rest between her and the other intern. Anticipation and worry came to her briefly, knowing that she would have to take care of Itachi. She hoped Sasuke and his parents got what ever peaceful rest they could obtain. She heard the nurses complaining how Fugaku demanded them be able to stay past visiting hours to see that Itachi’s needs were being meet. She planned to pre-round on him last, so she could make a quick escape to meet before the formal rounds with Dr. Senju.

She finished going through the charts of her other patients in record time and able to quickly examine them with no problems. She had a couple appendectomies, cholecystectomies, and hernia repairs. She had one hernia repair who tried to get a little to handsy when she was examining his abdomen. Sakura made a mental note to have a nurse with her the next time she had to be in the room with him.

She had 20 minutes before she had to meet with her team. She planned on taking 5-10 minutes to quickly check on Itachi and then get coffee. She already downed her first cup when she was sitting in front of her computer. Sakura also didn’t care to fix her appearance, aside from her dark circles, she looked presentable. She wasn’t here to appeal to the male sex, she wanted to learn and follow in the footsteps of Dr. Senju.

Hana quickly gave her a report on how Itachi was doing. He had woken up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep after some pain medication was given. His family had left before he fell asleep, which came to be a relief for the nurses working. He was still resting this morning.

Sakura took a deep breath, gently knocked on his door. Hearing no response, which she expected, she entered.

Many years have gone by since she last saw the oldest son of Mikoto and Fugaku. From what she remembers when she was 11, he was a tall, dark, intimidating force. He once snuck her some dango that Sasuke didn’t want following her punching him in the face. His parents weren’t happy with her. She had ran off into their gardens after the incident.

This man laying on the bed sleeping was not the picture that she carried with her all these years. He looked paler than normal, his lines under his eyes were more pronounced, IVs in both his arms, and the IV poll on his right side. His heart tracing looked steady, no arrhythmias. Oxygen saturation was perfect. His breathing pattern and heart rate on the lower side confirmed he was in a deep sleep.

“Uchiha-san, its Dr. Haruno. I will be taking a quick listen to you and then will want to look at your surgical incision.” She had placed on her hand on his left arm, gently trying to get him to stir. She then went about assessing him this morning.

It was now time to look at his incision and knew she would have to be more forceful when trying to get him awake. He started to stir.

“Uchiha-san, its Dr. Haruno. I am just going to check your abdomen quickly to make sure everything is ok. How is your pain?” Those words brought Itachi out of his dream world and as he opened his eyes he was met with the most color he has ever seen, bright pink and emerald. He was once again reminded of a cherry blossom field.

As his eyes started to focus more he was met with Sakura. Gone was the scrawny little thing, and now before him stood a grown women. She still had delicate features, gone was the baby fat of her face. Her hair was on the top of her head in a bun. No makeup on her face, which was a breath of fresh air compared to the other women he has come across over the years.

“I will need to bring your covers down to get access to your bandages, is that ok?” Her eyes were warm and welcoming. She had a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t answer her right away, but went to slowly push his blankets down. The slight crunch he did caused pain to shoot through his abdomen.

“Uchiha-san you should let me do that for you. It wasn’t even 24 hours ago that you have an intense surgery. I will let nurse Hana now that you will need one of your as needed pain medications.” Her voice was smooth like honey.

He didn’t even notice as she removed the bandages on his abdomen and inspected the site. She worked quickly and professionally. After she was done looking she redid his bandages with fresh gaze and tape.

“Do you need anything else Uchiha-san?” He didn’t know why she was acting so formal with him, but he could understand it. They hadn’t seen each other in years, she wasn’t even a teenager the last time they met. He couldn’t remember ever holding an actual conversation with her.

“No Dr. Haruno. Have you heard from Sasuke any?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“I haven’t heard from him since last night. Hopefully he is getting some rest along with your parents, all of you have been through a lot. I almost thought you wouldn’t remember I'm friends with Sasuke.” She had a slight smile on her face. She was staring at him and it was then that he realized it was because he hadn’t said anything in reply. Itachi got caught up staring at her eyes, those dazzling emeralds.

“Sasuke talks about you and Naruto, well as much as someone like him can… Would it be possible to get something to drink? My throat feels raw.” He had to kick himself for asking her about the drink, he was an absolute idiot.

“Of course. I’ll see if one of the nursing students can bring you something. They are pretty good at checking in on patients and helping out. Dr. Senju and the team will be around later, get some rest Uchiha-san.” Sakura had brought his covers up to his chest and walked out the door. For some reason her saying Uchiha-san didn’t sit well with him.

A few minutes later he was brought multiple cups of water and students more then welling to help him. it was when his nurse came in with some pain medication that they were shooed away.

Itachi didn’t know what to do with himself now. When was the last time he was idle for so long.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sakura made it just in time to get a new cup of coffee before starting rounds with Dr. Senju. It was hard keeping an indifferent face when talking with Itachi. She couldn’t help as she acknowledged how attractive he was, but she wasn’t an airhead preteen anymore. She was able to separate work and her personal life. While Itachi muddied the water some, she would be professional with him and his family when they came into the hospital.

A proud smirk made its way onto her lips as she brought up her coffee cup to her mouth. She had beat Kabuto and the other intern to the meeting spot. She only had to make it though 3 more days until she had a day off. Sunday would be a glorious day!

Jin was the second to arrive, he was one in her first year class. He stood a head and half taller then her, he had an average build, his coloring was brown hair and brown eyes. Unlike her, he had a tan to his skin. He was doing a trauma rotation, but belonged to the orthopedic surgery program.

“ Wonder where Yakushi is? I heard you got to scrub into that surgery yesterday with Dr. Senju, man is she scary! “ She couldn’t help but be irritated by his voice, it wasn’t his fault that she was having the start of a migraine.

“He should be here soon, maybe he heard about a new case for the day.” It was unlike Kabuto to not have arrived by now. At times Wednesday could be a slow day compared to the other days of the week. Starting Friday - Monday you would get the reckless injuries that were brought about by too much drinking and wanting to have a good time. A couple of weeks ago it was a party boat that capsized when too many people were on it.

“Where is Yakushi? I’m ready to round, it was a long ass day yesterday. “ Dr. Senju came up, tea in hand. She was not Kabuto’s biggest fan to start and him not being here was not a way to get off her bad side.

“Dr. Senju, sorry to interrupt but Dr. Yakushi was pulled into a surgery with Dr. Orochimaru.” It looked like the nurses had sacrificed one of the nursing student’s to deliver the message. Sakura didn’t know the name of the poor girl, but could see her shaking.

A grumble came form Dr. Senju, her lips pressed together. “ Let get started. I take it you two are carrying the majority of the patients anyway. We will round on them and then you two can finish charting. You two will be up for first assist on the next surgery. Decide among the two of you who will take it when it comes.” She then started walking down the halls.

Rounds were lightening fast. It was decided that Jin would take the first surgery of the day since Sakura got the one yesterday. Jin vanished to do his work, while Sakura took to sitting at one of the empty computers at the nursing station. The gossip from the nurses would put Ino to shame. ‘notes and then lunch.’

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Shisui leave Sasuke alone. “ How many times did Itachi have to stop those two. Sasuke had gotten back at Shisui for giving his cell number to some of the nurses. Sasuke’s phone wouldn’t stop going off. In retribution apparently Shisui’s Instagram was hacked and was announced that he was undergoing treatment for multiple STDs, his prior conquests were not to happy about the announcement.

Shisui had come with food from Mikoto. Sadly he was unable to eat it due to being on clear liquids. The aroma itself was making Itachi’s mouth water. Itachi refused to let either Sasuke or Shisui eat his food and made them put it in the mini fridge in his room.

“I heard you have little Sakura-chan overseeing you. Aren’t you a lucky dog. Sasuke I don’t know how the two of you never got together even for a night.” Sasuke looked ready to attack. Itachi wasn’t aware that his cousin knew Sakura. Shisui initially worked for the family law firm, but then branched off with itachi to do pro-bono work. He typically got in later then Itachi and stayed to close up the office, where Itachi opened it. Shisui had guilt from not being to the office sooner he may have been able to prevent itachi getting shot.

“Uchiha-san I have come to check on you quickly. Sasuke-kun said that you may be in pain.” Sakura was at the door, her presence stopping the inevitable match between Sasuke and Shisui.

Sasuke looked annoyed and Shisui straightened up. Itachi could already tell Shisui was putting his best flirting face on. “Sakura-chan I have to ask if it hurt?” Sakura looked at Shisui annoyance spreading on her face.

“Shisui we have had this conversation before and I’m not currently in the mood to put up with your ridiculous pick up lines.” Sasuke was annoyed he knew his cousin was doing this to get on his nerves. He and Naruto made it their mission to make sure the guys wanting to date Sakura where fully screened, much to the annoyance of Sakura. She had to keep most of her relationships a secret, unless they were creeps. The creeps she held no remorse for when the two idiots chased them away. Just because they watched out for her didn't protect her from having her heart broken a few times, before she decided to focus solely on her training.

“Come on lets go find something to eat since Weasel here wont share his food.” It was then that Sasuke’s stomach started to grumble, he was in agreement to finding food and some tomato juice.

After dumb and dumber left Sakura was able to speak to Itachi. “Uchiha-san I know you have been having increased pain and wanted to make sure you were doing ok. Is there anything that you need? “

“Why do you call be Uchiha-san? “ Itachi blamed it on his pain medications for having no filter.

“What am I supposed to call you? I think Shisui has dibs on Weasel. “ she looked playful, mischievous look behind her eyes. It reminded itachi of the little girl he remembered from another time it seemed.

“I would like it for you to call me by my name Dr. Haruno. I feel like my father should be in the room when you say Uchiha-san. “ Sakura couldn’t imagine anyone calling Fugaku by anything other than Uchiha-sama. His face would probably get as red of the tomatoes that Sasuke adores so much in anger.

“Itachi-san considering you are older than me doesn’t that make you an old man?” Before Itachi could reply Sakura’s stomach decided to interrupt their conversation.

‘I forgot to eat lunch again! Two appendectomies came in that Jin and her split, which was around lunch time.’ Sakura couldn’t help but be embarrassed.

“Excuse me Itachi-san, but I will leave you to get some more rest.” Itachi didn’t want her to leave. She was a breath of spring in the shade of beige room.

“My mother made me a bento and my doctor has decided to only let me have liquids. I don’t think she would mind me giving it to you.”

Sakura was speechless. Mikoto’s food was a precious commodity, one that Sasuke refused to let anyone have. “I can get some food in the cafeteria, that was made for you and I’m sure you would like to have it once you are cleared for a regular diet.”

“I’m sure my mother would make me a new one when the time comes. This one hasn’t been in the fridge long and will still be fresh. I insist that you take it. Although I do ask that you enjoy it here as a way to repay me. I could use company that doesn’t want to punch the other person in the face.”

“Well that’s an offer I can’t refuse.” This meal would be the first of many, neither of them knowing that at the time.

#itasaku #itachi uchiha #LawyerItachi #Sakura Haruno #SurgeonSakura #naruto #fanfic #prequel #part four

17 notes · View notes

you-did-well-moon · 4 years ago

Text

questions tag :))

i was tagged by the lovely @bearboyunho thank uuuu

relationships: I was in one for a maximum of three hours dkejek. Ill explain in the breakup question. This is definitely not a relationship im proud of. It caused me too many problems considering how short it was...

break-ups: I have so many trust issues and insecurities, i think i still have a long way to grow before i can enter a relationship, besides i havent met anyone yet. I didn't lead this person on, i treated him as a friend. And i usually spent more time with him since we were both in track. He caught feelings for me which i honestly knew about but i didnt say anything bc i didnt have feelings for him. One day during lunch with all my friends at the time he asked for a relationship. He later confessed to me he did this on purpose because he knew i would feel bad saying no to him, and that paired with the pressure of my friends, i said yes. He held my hand, and it just didn't feel right. Everything didnt feel right. So three hours later i got him alone and told him i wasnt ready for a relationship but that we could still be friends. He took it relatively well, but he avoided me. His cousin confronted me and told me he cried all weekend, but she said she understood and that she was glad i said no in the end which i was confused about but didnt question just wanting to leave it behind. Then it all started the next year. Out of nowhere he texted me, which was ???? Bc i never gave him my number, but i talked to him believing he was doing this on friendly intentions. lol i was a dumbass. Later my friend revealed to me he had lied to her and said i was paired up with him during a project. I also found out he asked her for pictures of me. His cousin which im friends with also told me she was sure he was not befriending me on good intentions, and that she was creeped out by him. My friends had continuously told me he would speak about me as if we were together to other people, and that he stared at me for weird periods of time. At this point im fucking scared and confront him and say i dont want to be friends with him and that i dont think us talking or being friends is healthy for either one of us. He continued texting me, making me feel bad when i didnt respond asking me if i hated him i had to eventually block him. He gave me a present on both valentines and Christmas which i rejected but he forced me to accept them. After class i always packed up my stuff slowly bc i had a good relationship with my teacher and talked to her. He stood in front of me and just stared at me while i packed. We actually had a kpop club, and one day he showed up. I was part of student council, and at the middle of the year he started attending. He sent me kpop memes to try to get my attention. I felt so unsafe i told my English teacher. Eventually he gave up when i started being firmer in my silence and overall attitude towards him. so yeah.... a relationship that didnt even last a day caused all this. I genuinely wish i had been more careful. The red flags were there from the beginning and i tried ignoring them bc i wanted to be nice. Dont do that, if someone maked you uncomfortable please dont feel bad and cut them off for as long as you need to. Anyways- nExT quEstiOn.

kids: i dont have any but i want twins so badly it's stupid. I honestly dont mind having kids that aren't twins. I just want two tbh. A girl and boy.

brothers and sisters: i have one sister who's five years younger than me. Im very close with my two cousins tho so theyre like sister to me too. They're older than me by more than five years.

pets: i have three dogs. Two shih tzus Otis and Bella, Bella is mother to Otis. He's the only puppy we kept from when Bella had puppies. I have Rocky a very clumsy english bulldog. I also have a beta fish called Suho.

surgeries: Ive had two. One when i was four to get my tonsils removed because i got sick a lot, and last year i got my gallbladder removed because i had gall stones. That one was so painful i couldnt laugh or do anything without everything hurting.

tattoos: None but i would like one. Not big ones, just small meaningful ones.

countries i’ve been to: Mexico....i miss it

been in an airplane: my family is not in the class where we can take an airplane to travel or even travel to other states. Ive only been on it twice for a contest i won.

been in an ambulance: Twice as much as i can remember. Once for my sister who had a really bad seizure when i took her to a doctors appointment and the other when they had to transport me to another hospital when they first found out i had gall stones.

i sing karaoke: no but you can usually find me singing along to a song on the radio or randomly around my house.

ice skating: I would love to try. The closest ive gotten is rollerblading. I can't do any fancy tricks but i can balance, but oh no i havent gone in such a long time. My poor rollerblades are collecting dust in my garage.

been on a cruise: ..... this is a joke right? Let me have enough money to buy groceries first.

driven a motorcycle: ah i would really like a motorcycle, but no never.

ridden a horse: Lolol all the time. When i was young my uncle helped out at some stables that were literally at the end of my street snd and he always took me a long with him. A lot of my family especially in Mexico and in the valley have ranchos which means they have horses and you can usually find me hanging out with the lovely animals.

stayed in a hospital: I once went because my head was killing me and i found out it was migraines. I had gall stones for seven months and stayed in the hospital about two times a month so yeah i was there a lot. And for the surgery of course.

favorite fruit or berry: Watermelon and Guayaba. Also green grapes.

favorite color: peach and aqua.

last text: "ye ok" it was from me to my cousin since i was gonna go to her house but she was with my grandma who tested positive for covid so we both decided it would be safer for me to keep my distance.

coffee or tea: coffee. i need it to survive. As long as it has sugar im ok. But tea is great for when my stomach hurts. I just prefer coffee. I could drink it any hour.

favorite pie: Pecan, especially with ice cream its so good. Key lime isnt bad either.

favorite pizza: i dont really care? I like all of them but when i was little and we'd go to the mall my dad would always get this big pizza that was big enough to have things stuffed inside it and it tasted so good. Its a good memory.

cat or dog: dog but i really want a cat.

favorite time of year: Chritmas and Thanksgiving always. I love it. Especially Christmas when my family gathers together and we play games and everyone brings a traditional Mexican dish. We stay until like 4 am and its always great.

met a star: That one woman who had an affair with george bush. I met her. That doesnt really count. Yeah no one, i met basketball players but i dont remember from which team or who they were. I met ted cruz. Cool story tho my english teacher knew one of shinee's choreographers.

flown a helicopter:..... umm. nO..

been on tv: Nah. Probably in the backround of some news things.

broken my leg: no ive never broken a bone surprisingly.

seen a ghost: i had sleep paralysis it was close enough.

been sick in a taxi: never even been in a taxi. Ive been on a uber tho.

Tags: @doyoungbunnyagenda @butterflybam @brighttragedy @saturnsluna @waterfallsandrosebuds @jooheonyonehunnit @leecherryyong

#moon gets tagged in stuff

2 notes · View notes

blackdragon-sama · 6 years ago

Text

my breast reduction experience

i'm back home from the hospital after my reduction and i'd like to share my experience for those interestedalso to vent a bit about my nice-but-also-hella-annoying bed neighbour.

i went in on thursday morning, to get prepped, see the doc and settle into my room i was given the choice to either stay overnight before the surgery, or come in at 7 on friday morningi chose to stay overnight, since i knew it'd be much easier if i could just stay in bed until they wheeled me in for surgery. rather than having to haul my stuff and myself to the hospital with the bus, high on adrenaline and panicwas the right decision, too early in the morning, a nurse woke me and i went to change into the very sexy piece of fishnet they use as panties and the butt-free gown thingi swear, those mesh panties are the worst.but, i got a dose of lorazepam to make up for it, and was wheeled downstairs and into the wake-up room, from which i was wheeled in for the anaesthesia prep.a very nice lady (i don't know if she was an anaesthesiologist or assistant or nurse....) helped me put on the hair net and put an IV into my hand, chatting a little with me, which helped with the anxiety. at this point i was glad for the lorazepam, because i was nervous as fuck, even with it. they didn't make me count or anything, just told me to breathe in all that nice oxygen, and then they told me when they inected the good stuff and - like with the two general anaesthesias i had before - i went under complaining about the pain XDit's like, the last two seconds before you go under, your face, or in one case, arms, get really bad pins-and-needles, and it's one of the grossest feelings ever, but it's literally just a second or two and then you're out. the first thing i remember after coming to, is people coming to my bed and telling me to take breaths, or to breathe in deeper.i had a little trouble with my oxygen levels for a while, but they put an oxygen tube thingie into my nose, with a piece of sponge around it to keep it in place, i also remember telling someone i was feeling nauseous, and i think they gave me some medication for that. i was in no pain at all, just super woozy and confused why it was already around 3 in the afternoon. surgery must've taken WAY longer than 2-4 hours, since they put me under at 7:30, and i came to enough to ask the time at 3 in the afternoon.back in my room i asked for my phone and sent a few typo-heavy drunk texts to my mom and my girlfriend to let them know i was still alivestill no pain, dizziness, overall "just trying to sleep"-iness. a nurse came in some time later, to help me get up and pee. i didn't think i needed to, but she told me they put five liters of whatever (saline, probably) into me during the surgery and after, and i do know that getting up is important after surgeryso, she hooks me under and butt-naked me (surgical bra and mesh panties only. sexy. comfortable. not basically literally ass-naked) shuffles over to the bathroom, nurse carrying the big drainage bottles.i could feel my ears rushing and hearing static the moment i stood, but i managed to sit down and do the deed. on the way back to the bed, i nearly passed out, but nurse and another nurse got me back safely and i could sleep some moreduring the night, i am woken up a few times, by a male nurse who comes to open my bra and check the bandages and palpate my new tiny tiddies for anything bad.it's a bit disorienting to be subjected to someone messing with your boobs when you're more asleep than anything, but the whole staff was super nice and gentle with me, on saturday, post-op day 1, i managed to somehow pull at my right-side drainage and the bitch gave me trouble for the entirety of its stay in my boob, and it's still the more sensitive side >_>my new boobs looked soooo teeny tiny! to be honest, while i was excited, i was also a little scared that they'd become too small, but that feeling came and went, and looking back, i know it was simply the shock of the /difference/. day one was mostly spent entirely in bed, since my circulation was still pretty bad, and getting up gave me big troublesluckily, the nurses all were very very nice and refilled my water bottle for me and helped me get to the bathroom and back, and iirc, in the afternoon, i managed to put on some real panties and a shirt. MUCH better!also, on saturday, my girlfriend came to visit and it was really nice <3as for pain, i wasn't in any mentionable pain, other than that bitch of a drainage tube. that shit hurt like hell, while my boobs themselves almost didn't hurt at alli was, and still am, quite surprised they weren't painful. (given, i was taking ibuprofen 600 3x a day) sore, of course, and tender, and feeling about ready to pop with how taut they were, but not painful, i didn't and don't feel the incisions or the sutures/stitchesi stopped taking any pain meds yesterday, which was post-op day 5, and i only needed one ibu on tuesday) sleeping on my back is lame. and waking up on sunday, i had a major headache, that even the ibuprofen didn't manage to helpi think it was a mix of my neck being overly tense, plus leftover surgery and anesthesia meds that messed with my head (i read that having migraines puts you at a higher risk of post-op headaches) sunday was the day where i started to get lots better. i could get up on my own for the bathroom, and even the little trip down the hall to the water fountain dispenser thingie, and in the afternoon/early evening, i even managed to take the elevator to the ground floor and grab some well-earned sweets from the little shop there. the headache was the biggest discomfort, other than the drainage tube pulling occasionally, and my petty room mate... boy... by that point she was getting SO annoying. she had had surgery the day before me, a procedure to put an expander under the skin of her face, to grow skin to remove a mark from her face (i don't know what it's called, in german, it's a fire's mark, basically a large, deep red/purple mark that's puffy and you're usually born with it)i think she's russian? she had a heavy accent, and the first pieces of conversations i remember clearly were of her complaining about refugees and how they have so many kids only to cash in on social child support money (which is a thing in germany, but, well, for citizens, not for refugees...) i tried half-heartedly explaining that refugees aren't here for shits and giggles, and no, they don't get child support money from the state. they get, if at all, a bare minimum to feed and clothe themselves.... i didn't want to antagonize her, because in my drugged-up, post-surgery state, i was having paranoia she would try suffocating me in my sleep. (which i was aware of was purely my anxiety talking, but, y'know, i didn't want to pick fights either way, and delicate topics are best discussed if you have the opportunity to leave.)next thing i very clearly remember her doing was antagonizing the nurse that wanted to put a new something into her iv. the thing was, the nurse sneezed. into her shoulder. before moving to continue with the tubes. roomie gives her shit about that. how it's unacceptable that she'd sneeze onto the needle and get her germs all over the place, and how that's unprofessional and why she wasn't getting new needles and all that the nurse calmly explained she wasn't sick, it was just a little sneeze and she didn't get anything onto the stuff. discussions ensue. nurse sents me an "is this really happening?!" look, and i just give a helpless grin-shrug, because, yeah, it was happening. nurse was clearly heavily annoyed, but managed to finish putting the iv thing into her before leaving a little louder than necessary.i can understand voicing your concerns about hygiene and your worries. that's good. not good is picking fights with the people taking care of you. like... i caught myself thinking, every single time lady next to me went to complain or whine about something (which she did... /quite/ a lot) that, if i am in a hospital, dependent on the care of the staff, that the LAST thing i want to do is being a bitch to them?i'll do my damndest to be polite at least, friendly whenever i can, so they know i appreciate the help. being nice to your nurse means your nurse will do their best to care for you, and maybe put in a little more effort than absolutely necessary (like offering to fill my water bottle for me) and if someone has to sit me onto the toilet becauce i can't pee by myself, the least they deserve is me not bitching. seriously, the lady was nice enough, overall, but man... she also was entitled and just that special little snowflake kind of person. complaining about her boyfriend not taking the day off work so he'd be available all day to pick her up whenever she was discharged... i understand the thought behind it, but i also understand you can't just leave work just like that. and she was better off than me, mobility-wise, she could've taken a taxi or even public transport (given, i wouldn't have, either) or just waited for him until he could leave work)aaaaaanyway, on monday, headache was getting better, and my surgeon came in to check up on his work, he finally told me how much he removed, and it was WAY more than i expected or he estimated before,he'd told me, he'd remove about a kilo of tissue per side, which seemed a good weight, (i'd weighted them before, and they were about 2 kilos each, according to my kitchen scale XD )and it ended up being 1,4 kilos per side... that's almost 3 kilos! that's, like, two whole chickens! i was pretty shocked, but also excited, because, for the first time i really understood how HUGE my boobs had been. and how reasonable and right my decision was. i have no regrets and even in between never had any, but i had my doubts about the necessity of this whole thing, a lot of the time, i felt like it was a mood, or a phase, something i wanted out of a whim, rather than that i really needed it. it was my idea, and i wanted it, and as such, as a non-essential surgery, i was scared that i was doing something wrong. that it'd end up turning out bad, simply because of my paranoia-driven fear of karmic punishment for wanting something like that without it being unavoidable (like my gallbladder surgery) but hearing how much he'd removed, and given how much is still left, and how i now have an average pair of breasts for a woman of my stature, it took some guilt off me. also, by monday, i was starting to feel the first effects of the weightloss. i could sit up without using my arms (which was still being a bitch, because it'd pull on the damn drainage), like doing a situp, and it was sooo easy!even right now, i'm still too overall sore/tender to really notice a direct difference, but indirectly, it's already so amazing! i'm sitting up straighter without even noticing, i can breathe freely, which is odd, but i keep noticing how free my chest feels, like i'm expecting it to feel tight or heavy, but it isn't,on monday, the drainage tubes were FINALLY removed and it was glorious!i could stay until tuesday, and it was good i got to stay another day, because walking around was, and is, still somewhat tedious.on wednesday, i had a bit of an emotional crash. i guess it's the physical shock of surgery/injury and the medication wearing off, coupled with the relief of being at home and knowing you can relax now, i was dissociating a little, on and off through the day, feeling weepy and alone and all thatbuuuut that went away, too, and today, post-op day 6, i'm still a little tender and weak, but overall, i'm doing pretty fine!i can wash myself on my own, even my hair, and i am in SO much less pain than i expected. like... i was preparing to be out of commission completely for the entirety of the three weeks vacation i took off of work, but if things continue like this, going back in two and a half weeks will be absolutely possible. i catch myself being a little too enthusiastic sometimes, like trying to reach up to open/close my skylight window and getting a little reminder NOT to stretch up my arms all the way. or having to take a break from walking up the stairs and having to sit a couple minutes in the house's staircase on the way up to my appartment (we don't have an elevator)the most uncomfortable thing right now is the itching. the medical bra rubs against the edge of the steri-strips, where my skin is taut and dry and it's leaving mild imprints and it ITCHES and it's driving me insane, but it doesn't hurt, and it doesn't seem to mess with the stitches, so i'm trying not to complain too hard. all things considered, and with how weak and sore i was, right now, as i'm typing this, i'd do it all over again. i don't want to jinx anything, so i won't jubilate, but overall, i'm pleasantly surprised by how well things have been so far. i like my tiny new boobs, and i hate the itching, i love how much longer my torso looks, and i'm looking forward so much to buying beautiful bras and all the pretty swimwear i couldn't before, because it would never fit my boobs....aah <3next week i'll go in to have my stitches removed (they're not the dissolving kind) and i'm a little worried how the scars will hold, but i'm also eager to start using lotions and all the good stuff to help the skin recover i will recommend this procedure to anyone that's considering it, and i'm so happy that the surgery went well and my new boobs look perfect! (if still a little crinkly around the scars XD )

#breast reduction #experience #just me any my last week

6 notes · View notes

elane-in-the-shadows · 6 years ago

Text

Red Queen Fan Fiction - Dark Heart Bright Lightning Chapter 4

Attention! Contains War Storm spoilers. Attention!!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Find this on wattpad and on AO3

Bones

Maven POV

They dragged me out of my cell into some kind of locker room and let me sleep for a day. Next thing I knew, I woke and was urged to clean and shave – shaking, I insisted to do this by myself – and then was dressed up and styled and fettered. I could hardly focus on my face in the small mirror, a massive migraine combined with nausea and tiredness drowning me in place of the silent stone. Those weren’t new sensations, but more intense than before. So strange to feel worse without silent stone, and although I wasn’t sure if my face betrayed that, I looked horrible still.

Like in the cell, there was sweat on my skin, unusual for a burner. But I pulled myself together, trying my best to stop the shivering at least. I glanced over my shoulder, as haughty as possible. Ives leaned against the wall, eyeing the other jailers in a blend of threat and boredom. She cocked her head. “Done?” she asked.

I smiled, noticing how odd that looked from the corners of my eyes. I took a meaningful step away, the cue for the Arven jailer to shove me aside with a deceivingly soft insistence.

It had to be only a few minutes with the manacles and they already chafed me. They didn’t contain silent stone, only heavy metals I could melt down if I summoned enough heat. But I figured that would be futile, that I’d fail. My ability was mediocre at best, and the lingering weight of silence continued to press the power out of me. It was like a memory I could never erase. Maybe it would war with Mother’s voice in my head while I waited for the heavy, lead-like white noise to shift into the whispered words I’d grown familiar to.

It had been too much to hope for from the start, hadn’t it?

All I could wish for was for her voice to become indecipherable with time, although that was likely to only drive me closer to insanity.

On the threshold to the corridor, the Arven man pulled harshly on my manacles, making me flinch. Ives glared at him but I laughed. I just realized: the flamemaker bracelets I’d craved to get back were now replaced by fetters, and in this moment, I yearned for them even more. I almost hoped to catch a random spark – maybe by drumming the manacles against each other? – so I would feel the fire chase way the silent ache in my bones.

Cassie Ives was a traitor. I’d been aware of it, and accepted how she took insolent pride in that, for the sake of having her company instead of no one’s. But now she betrayed that paltry gift as well, when she told me goodbye on the airfield.

“I belong in the capital,” she said, her mismatched eyes adamant as she waited for me to enter the plane.

“Unlike me, you mean?” I snorted.

“Unlike you and the rest of your family,” she countered.

I almost smiled, although I didn’t feel amused at all. She was still abandoning me, like all of them, and I was still nauseous and weak, my mood dim. But I returned to what I always did and prepared myself for dealing with the new set of jailers and enemies and the brother I hadn’t seen yet. With as much posture I could muster, I spun on my heel. They couldn’t take faux pride from me.

I’d never particularly enjoyed flying and of course, this trip wasn’t improved by my current state. The hum of the plane roared as loud in my ears as the ocean beneath would, the sight of the sea not making this any less uncomfortable or scary, and thus a whole choir trio of torment was formed.

Sunk into my seat, the white noise soon became the worst of them, since every other minute, I believed to hear words among the hum, words whose meanings were impossible to grasp but dangerously tempting to guess.

The relief I’d experienced in the Bowl of Bones became short-lived. Maybe I was getting paranoid, never able to trust my own mind again, with or without whispers and silent stone. But I knew that already, didn’t I? No one could fix me, but I’d have to find a way to deal with that, as always.

The Maven from two months ago would’ve started to analyze, to scheme, to machinate already: I would’ve found out as much as possible about those around me and used it to my advantage. Mother had taught me, and I’d done my best to internalize her instructions. But it was never enough. How could it? She was a whisper, compared to her I remained a mere human, barely above a Red in ability, and she’d remind me frequently the difference between Red and Silver lied as much in attitude as ability, so I had to make the best of it and excel at the former.

I did what I was taught: I watched. Three guards surrounded me, an Arven silencer, a Newblood nymph from the Scarlet Guard, and a burner, distant Calore cousin. The flaws of this set-up were obvious – these three had been chosen for their abilities which were able to neutralize mine. But this way, my other strengths – if I might say so at the moment – were underestimated. It was too easy to figure out what to say, how to prod and tempt them.

Was the nymph truly Monfortan, or her uniform a fraud to confuse me? Did her country and the Scarlet Guard know about me, and could they accept the deceptions and sour compromises enabling my survival?

Did the silencer resent me, blaming me and not Mare or the Samos, for the deaths of his relatives?

And was my cousin Cornelia really supporting Cal’s abdication? Or would she be more than happy to conspire to reclaim the throne with me?

And why did they, whoever they who kept me alive were, even risk that – bringing in more people? They could’ve put Cal and me alone in the cabin, letting us confront each other so our flames would meet, neutralizing each other.

But on the other hand, the heat of that discussion might’ve carried too much risk, so much the Calore brothers might’ve taken this plane off the sky to drop us into the dark sea. Maybe for once, Cal had been bright enough to figure that out from the start, unlike me, or he simply procrastinated facing me as long as possible.

I would be ready for all of that options. Fearless. But not now. Now, I was too tired for any of that, and all I could do deal with myself was to rest, hoping to sleep off the week in the Bowl of Bones.

The humidity soaked everything on the island of Tuck. It dwelled in the wet ground, muddying every path, it saturated the air with heavy, cold fog, and the noise of the violent sea just topped the dread of this place. I buried my chin in my shawl and coat and hugged myself, as good as possible with manacles. I stepped into the soppy sand, although I hated the way it sullied my shoes. All of it was disgusting and I’d never planned to come here again. But despite its ugly weather, the island had a draw. Not only for the courtesy call to Mother’s grave I was to make. I stood on the despicable beach and stared at the relentless waves of the sea, mighty surges that could swallow me easily. I didn’t want that, but I liked to imagine – to tell myself how close the end might be, to play with the danger. Like a warning to myself. I often did this, yet I knew a part of me just liked staring into an abyss, as if that helped me understand the abyss I called “myself”.

The guards shuffled behind me, growing impatient. A small joy, one I gladly prolonged. Soon they started to cough, as if I was too stupid to get a hint when I only enjoyed playing petty games, one of the few joys I’d left.

Before I could give in and turn around, Cornelia came for me, luring me with a faint warm breeze I couldn’t withstand. But as I shifted my stance, the air had cleared and I saw more of the island and its airfield and hangar. It stopped my silly notion of distracting myself from the reality: I was a prisoner of the Scarlet Guard and its Monfortan allies who had claimed this island for themselves before ever I came here, and they were back at showing their flags.

Bile rose in my throat and desperation won me over. It urged me to turn this into a scene. I hissed and cursed, stepping away from the guards who only side-stepped into a new formation to surround me. Suddenly, the maw of the ocean became tempting again, the wet death preferable to the humiliation and taunts of a public trial and execution staged by Red rats. The nymph bitches of the Lakelands would be glad, although they’d never learn of it.

The guards were hesitating to touch me, but they didn’t leave me the option of fatal escape via drowning – the Newblood nymph was in her element and Arven lowered his silence over me, though hardly with an intensity I couldn’t suffer; I just gritted my teeth. Cornelia, finally, made a move at me, despite being the least effective in subduing me.

I stared at the flamemaker bracelets on her wrists, wishing to catch one of its sparks, to start a fire, even when that was hardly possible with an Arven present. I cackled, imaging he would plunge into the sea, like Mare had gotten rid of Rane Arven in the Bowl of Bones. Even with barely two months of training, she’d been a better fighter than I ever was –

I shivered, despite the new heat wave Cornelia sent my way. I heard a crack, and too late I noticed it wasn’t shiver at all, but a shock of sparks. I spun, aimlessly hoping I could use them when they’d already found their way into the ground.

Before I could look up, I was grabbed by the shoulder. The touch startled me, but its shock was gone when I recognized the man who caused it, the white-haired electricon, Tyton.

“What’s going on here?” he growled, sourly as ever. I didn’t listen to the incompetent stutter of my guards, my eyes fixed on Tyton. Not Mare, then. But if he, a Monfortan, knew about me, I was as good as dead. His eyes met mine, and he didn’t need to say more, not for my sake: The time for hesitation was over, and we’d soon start another show.

The nymph led the way. As a Scarlet guard member, she knew the place best. Arven was the rear, the electricon walked next to me. I watched him unabashedly, in a way that would make looking away more suspicious. But I also wanted to watch him, for another reason than mere caution. The wind lifted his bleached bangs, revealing his dark eyes that sparkled whenever the dim light fell on his face.

Despite the danger and gloom he exuded, he reminded me of Thomas. It wasn’t his looks, although there was a kind of resemblance. But Thomas’s skin had been a few shades darker, his features rather south than east Asian, as Tyton’s were. Tyton was athletic and lean where Thomas had been chubby. No, the resemblance was subtler, there was something about his demeanour and expression that woke foggy memories buried beneath Mother’s manipulations. I’d thought them lost, those ephemeral images of Thomas’s smile and the seconds before and after it, when his dread returned, a fear I hadn’t been able to erase nor even understand, combined with a sense for injustice. Thomas might’ve become a rebel one day, a man ready to destroy someone like me, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. And yet he’d seen hope – in me.

When I met Mare, she’d reminded me of him, of the same blend of resignation and dreams. And I encountered, or believed so, the same in Tyton. They weren’t brave for the sake of it but because they were unable to forget what a cesspit this world was. But unlike them, Tyton would never make the mistake of trusting me, and I liked that as well. Because it enabled me to hide one less layer of my fractured self.

Candour. Another thing I cherished in Thomas.

“Are you trying to set me on fire with those stares?” Tyton scowled.

I looked aside as if it meant nothing, catching the sight of a lone person standing in a courtyard cemetery. “That’d hardly work, don’t worry,” I said, shaking my manacles. He hmphed, his gaze gliding from the cemetery back towards our destination.

“But what about you?” asked I. “Can I be certain you won’t electrocute me before we’ve met my brother?”

He stopped, glaring at me with a dark eye. I stared back, almost waiting for another gust to reveal his other eye and his complete expression. It didn’t come. “No need,” said he, “Calore’s already arrived.”

As if I wasn’t a Calore as well, how charming. But indeed, Cal stood recognizable in the shadow of a building, wearing a simple coat like mine, having shed his regalia. The corners of my mouths went up. He might be content with a commoner’s garb, but I missed my old wardrobe. It’d done so much for my image. Now I could only straighten my posture and walk with my head held high as I devoured every twitch in my brother’s stunned face.

The mausoleum stood in the dim path between two buildings, only seeing the light – if it ever found the way to misty Tuck – on certain days, at limited times. I had a Haven calculate the dates for me, and he’d demonstrated how it’d look then. I’d nodded and I had the statue shipped and installed in this spot, chosen carefully. I avoided this place, her grave. She had it all to her own, as a queen’s due, although not as one expected.

Since I’d had the secret service clear and claim Tuck in my name a year before, I’d visited the place only once to pay my respect to Mother’s body, but today was my first time to see her grave in completion. Light marble inlaid with lapis lazuli rose from the high pedestal that stored her bones. A statue was enthroned on it, the Lady Justice with the sword and the scale. Mother had liked the allegory, always laughing at her blindfold. Of course, one would hardly impede her. Elara Merandus owned the truth and she made the law and I had to commission something for her grave while her death had filled me with a void. I’d had no idea how else to describe her life apart from a myth she’d mentioned a few times. But I did my duty, as a year before. I fell on my knees in front of her.

Cal ogled me, disbelieving. “What … ” he stuttered. “What is this … monstrosity?”

I rose and turned to him. “Have you never heard? I conquered the island, and built Mother an appropriate grave. Or,” I sneered, “do you mean me?”

He swallowed and went a step backwards. “I didn’t – “

“Didn’t want me dead?” I said. “Or alive?”

He shook his head and it was exactly like on that other island, or on his throne in Harbor Bay. He had no idea what to do with me. I waited, gave him a chance.

But he did the same. I sighed. “If you have nothing to say, Cal, then this has no point. If you excuse me, I have something better to do.” I walked past him, almost colliding into the guards, and thus implied them to lead me away. They had to have order, didn’t they? They had to know –

“Stop,” Cal commanded and although my guards formed a wall I couldn’t cross, although all of this was merely symbolic, Tyton grabbed my arm and pulled me around. He didn’t let go and I thought I could smell his electricity as Cal approached me. Heat clouded him as always, and while his temperature increased, my bravado waned. This was it, then? He’d finish what Iris, Mare, Julian – so many – had failed to do?

His bronze eyes seemed sad, if he was willing to give me that. I didn’t know what to do with his “compassion”. I wanted to see his hate when he killed me, not his fake pity that was more likely disappointment, over the brother he wished for that I wasn’t. I wouldn’t never give him that, wouldn’t care about him –

“Tyton,” he said, nothing else. Yet the electricon had to know what he meant; I saw sparks in confirmation. Not by Mare’s hand, but I’d still die like my mother, and be buried next to her if I did nothing.

“So Julian had lied,” I whispered.

Cal frowned. “One thing, Maven,” said he. “Why is there no space for you?”

I laughed. Despite the morbidity, I had to. “Finally you understand, Cal? That I’m always lying?”

He winced and waved a hand and Tyton’s sparks and current vanished back into his body before he let go of me, obviously not very willing.

Cal cleared his throat and suddenly patted my shoulder, in the most strange, intimate manner. “Then, Maven, I’ll wait for you to tell us the truth.”

I cackled again, as if I knew anything about the truth when I didn’t know myself.

A/N: Let me be honest, I don’t know whether I’ll continue this. This story is extremely hard for me to write and it eats up the time I’d like to spent with other projects. I know I said this would work in tandem with Paradise Refracted, the Evane story. but exactly this combination only slows down my writing process, since Dark and Bright, despite my interest in Maven, lacks the kind of inspiration I have for other stories. I hope you’ve enjoyed this chapter though and maybe, I’ll get back to it one day.

@moikorolrezni @christineflame @flameandshadowx @znanyjany @runexandra @mcvencallore @caven---malore @i-tried-mare @warstoned @wrenskonos @samanthaslytherin @hannaharies @mareshmallow @redqueenfandom @redqueenforever @artbooks-trash @inopinion @lilyharvord @selenbean-beany @marecalrandomstuff @greenfeldbramlouis @scarletguardsource

#red queen #maven calore #cal calore #war storm spoilers #the therapy club #war storm #tyton the electricon #thomaven #dark heart bright lightning #dhbl ch 4 #red queen fanfiction

27 notes · View notes