#ive had her for at least a year and i draw her more than any other oc lmao

[xxplastic-cubexx]

🧙‍♀️🐈‍⬛

[pcktknife]

Can you tell us about that dessert lady.. who is she i keep seeing her and i love her design so much

i can! this is gwen she is a former princess and a current criminal <3 she is made of cake and magic and is fully carnivorous 👍🏾 she is a terror to anyone who has the misfortune of crossing her path. the fork/knife in her hair are actually lodged into her head but can be removed and they can also combine into a claymore :3c

[evans23]

Daughter of mine II

Pairing : Judge Turpin x Daughter OC

Summary : The great judge Turpin tries to adapt to his new role as a father. Awkward, he doesn't realise that his daughter doesn't find her place in this new world.

Tag(s)/Warning(s) : A bit of angst I guess. Mention of prostitution and death. Awkward father. If I forget something, please mention it to me !

A/N: Hello dear 😁 Here the next part of Daughter of mine. Enjoy !

Part I - Part III - Part IV - Part V

Also read on AO3

The first days were awkward, to say the least. Catherine was intimidated by her new surroundings and Turpin didn't know how to be a father. He didn't really try either. He didn't have any good paternal figure when he was a kid, his father being the kind violent. Besides, he couldn't stop thinking it would have been easier if he had been in the child's life from the beginning. 

Not only did he have to catch up with six years of his daughter's life, almost seven, which was utterly impossible, but also, he wasn't sure how to impose his authority on his daughter. His daughter... Even this word sounded strange to him. 

It had only been two weeks since the girl had moved in with him, in his mansion. The servants were totally enamoured with the child, who was reserved and overly polite. She never asked for anything and ate everything that was served to her, even when it was obvious she didn't like what was on her plate. Fortunately, her governess could read the little girl far more easily than her dad, and each time she noticed an imperceptible grimace of disgust, she warned the cook not to prepare this food for the child anymore. 

True to his words, two days after her arrival, Catherine got a tutor. In fact, more than one. One of the teachers had for a mission was to teach her how to write, read, and speak properly, like a well-mannered lady should do. Another one was there to teach her to speak French and Italian and another one to provide some music and drawing skills.

She probably should learn how to dance, sew, and many other things a mother would judge necessary for his daughter to know, but Turpin wasn't a mother, scarcely a father, and those trivial competencies weren't what mattered the most for Turpin. He wanted a well-educated daughter, with knowledge in his head and not just an empty brain as too much lady of his acquaintance. Turpin was a conservator, yes, but he knew how important it was to be able to think by itself, even for a girl, even more for his daughter !

The triviality would be learned later, when he decided it was time to introduce her to the high society, in a timely manner. For the moment, there was no place for any leisure. Anyway, the hectic schedule of Catherine didn't leave any room for that. She had a tiring day like she had never experienced before. 

She had to wake up at seven o'clock, half past six sometimes, and be ready with the help of her maid before eight. She had a light breakfast before the start of her courses, which only stopped once at noon to let her the time to have lunch and then at half past four in the afternoon. From half past four to five, she had some time to play on her own but she had to be quite imaginative, for there were no toys for her. Not because Turpin was too stingy but because it hadn't crossed his mind that the girl could need more than pretty dresses and coats. 

However, Catherine was so happy with those beautiful clothes that she wore them with unconcealed joy as she had never had new clothes before, even less expensive and elegant dresses like these one but only the old ones of her mother who took up it as best as she could, that she didn't dare ask for more. 

In addition, she had three meals a day, water at will, tea in the morning, and even orange juice and snacks during the day if she wished to. But what delighted her the most was the hot cocoa her governess brought her every night before sleep. A beverage her mother couldn't afford at all. Also, and for her biggest relief, she was allowed to keep her candles lit all night to make the terrifying shadows of her past disappear. And she knew how expensive was a candle, her mother told her so each time she asked to keep one alight for the night when she was alone and so afraid.

Unfortunately, despite all the affluence she was surrounded with, she felt alone. Terribly alone. She had no friends, wasn't allowed to go out, except for the backyard of the mansion, but anyway, it was too cold to play outside, but more than everything else, she missed her mom. She was also secretly longing for a father. But Richard didn't seem to appeal to the idea or at least, it was what she thought. 

Richard was never home. He left an hour before her waking time and came back far after her bedtime. He worked every day, including on Saturday morning, and during the afternoon, he was locked up in his office. The only room she was forbidden to enter in. Should she have been bolder, she would probably intruded into his sanctuary of peace to have the privilege of his company, but the natural severity emanating from the man was enough to keep her on track. 

Sunday was the only day during which she had breakfast with him, but he wasn't very talkative and she didn't know what to say to the man who, inevitably, dismissed her in her room or in the garden with her maid to let her have some clear air while he was, yet again, in his office, working on court cases or attempting some business with The Beadle. 

And because she couldn't have a piece of Richard, not necessarily his heart, not even his affection, even though she was in desperate need of a bit of that more than the beautiful dresses and the palatable food, she started to become sad. Sadder than she was when her mom died or when they were living in the paucity on the outskirts of London. Sadder than when she had lost her little cat, dead because he was starving and her mom couldn't buy enough food for the three of them, sadder than when she had been sent to the orphanage. 

In fact, she felt deceived by the man she had thought would be more than just his savior. The moment she had understood who he was, she had thought he would be his father, the one she had wished for on every birthday, and also for Christmas. She had begun to feel the need to fill in the hole in her heart with the presence of the man she had dreamt of. Moreover, the death of Elena, her dear mommy, had enlarged that hole, and the instant she had acknowledged Richard for who he was, she had wrongly thought he would embrace his role as a father. How stupid she had been. How a man who had left her mother with a broken heart could have loved her ?

The governess and the maids had already understood what the child was longing for. She needed her father's love to heal. However, Richard wasn't mean on purpose. He just didn't know how to step into the life of the child, how to take up his place as a father. Of course, he knew he just had to be himself, but the truth was that he was afraid to act like his father. Never could he forgive himself if his daughter was as afraid of him as he was of his own father when he was a child and even a young teenager. 

He had promised to himself, the day she arrived home, that never ever he would beat her, no matter her wrongdoings. Never she would hear the sound of a whip on her back and even less the feel of it. Nevertheless, he was a firm believer in the fact that a kid needed a sprinkle of authority. Even more than a sprinkle. 

Yet, he had to admit that she was easy to manage. She didn't run amok around the house and apparently, she didn't inherit the malicious and devious traits of the Turpin. Also, she never answered back, something Richard had done many times at the same age, which had owed him many slaps in the face. And surprisingly, he found himself wishing she would answer back because it would mean she was talking with him. In his presence, she was always silent and he didn't know if it was because she was impressed by him or just because she didn't adapt well to her new environment, but it was bothering him. 

"Sir, may I enquire how is doing the daughter of yours ?" asked The Beadle, that morning in the court office.

Richard looked down at him suspiciously. He didn't appreciate the attention Beadle thought necessary to have towards his daughter. He knew the man too well and didn't have any difficulties to figure out his intentions. He would be cold in his grave before a man like him could consider being betrothed to Catherine. The girl wouldn't have any suitor before her twenty-five. Or before his death. And he was able to defy God's authority on that matter just to be sure she wouldn't fall for a miserable like Beadle. A depraved man like him. In fact, after consideration, a man at all !

He dismissed The Beadle with a frown which said far more than his mouth. For God's sake, he thought, never come the day she would find man interesting. Not that they were all that bad, but Catherine's legacy would be substantial. Indeed, he had already found enough loopholes in the law to prevent his manor and all his wealth from being entailed to a stranger cousin he hadn't met in his life. All he knew about that man was that he was living in Australia with his wife and a son of sixteen named Elliott. 

"How is she ?" he asked as usual when he came back from the court to the maid.

"Asleep," answered merely the woman. 

She was the oldest maid of the manor, also the one who was able with Richard diplomatically enough to bring him around the right decision. 

"Did she eat ?"

If the answer was no, which happened sometimes, he always made sure she had a heavy breakfast in the morning, one she had to eat entirely if she wanted to have a break after her last course of the day. It only happened once that she was deprived of her playtime. Turpin knew it wasn't a solution to punish the girl when she didn't feel like eating, but she was so thin, even after two weeks of the best food that he was afraid to see her fall sick. Eating wasn't a pleasure, it was vital. 

"Yes."

The quietness of the maid made him suspicious. 

"What's the matter, Anne ?" he asked roughly.

The old woman wasn't impressed at all by the man. She wasn't afraid to stand up to him, even if she had already threatened to fire her or worse, to send her to a colony in the middle of nowhere in the upside-down. Perhaps the fact she had been his governess when she was a child had something to do with it. And even if she was grateful for the man to have hired her after her husband's death when he was still a young man, barely established as a young lawyer thanks to the influence of his family. 

"The girl is depressed," she stated frankly.

"Depressed ? We are not depressed at her age. She didn't know anything about the hardness of life," he prompted harshly.

"As you didn't know anything about it at the same age, I guess ?" Anne uttered perfidiously. 

The look Richard gave her would have made anyone else shriek with fear, but the woman didn't flinch under his stringent gaze.

"She is not mistreated here," he growled, his tone a dangerous warning.

"No, but she is alone. No friends, no toys, only studying the whole day."

And no father, she added for herself. 

"I've no acquaintance with child of her age," stated Turpin, "and for the toy, I'll leave money on the buffet tomorrow morning. Go into town and buy what you think is fit for her."

Anne shook her head with disapprobation.

"What ? Woman, do you want to live on the street ? It's where you would be if it hadn't been for my great kindness," groaned Richard, his patience thinner and thinner at each rolling eyes of the maid.

"The gift would have more valor if it came from her father," she simply pointed out. 

Richard, whose eyes were flashing with all his anger, hurried away to lock himself in his bedroom, slamming the door violently to let everybody know how angry he was in the whole house, but more peculiarly Anne, how displeased he was tonight.

The next morning, there was no money on the buffet, which made the maid smile. She was sure her words had reached Richard.

The day seemed to drag on for poor Catherine. She was too distracted to focus on her lesson, which annoyed her teacher who scolded her, promising her to give a report to her father about her bad behaviour. Catherine didn't say anything, even though she found it quite unfair as she just let her mind roam around. It wasn't as if she had disrupted the class by chattering incessantly. Anyway, except for the servants, there was no one to speak with. 

The second teacher was far more lenient with her, asking her why she was so lost on him. She shrugged her shoulders, but the man, who had three daughters and eight grandchildren, wasn't dupe. There was a heaviness in the heart of the little girl. He tried to incite her to open up, without success. He didn't insist as he didn't want to frustrate her. He understood that she was like her father : she didn't give her trust easily and the old man wasn't keen to damage the bond he had started to create with her.

At the Court of Justice, Turpin wasn't more focused than his daughter. He had adjourned the Court, even though he had found some pleasure in not temper justice with mercy. Anne's straightforward honesty had kept him up all night. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to hurt the child, yet he knew he would if he was too involved in her life. He hadn't had any good role model and it wasn't as if he wasn't providing the child with everything she needed. But deep down, he knew it wasn't what she really needed. He had been a child too and back in time, he would have traded everything he had, money, wealth, high education, and the best tutors for the love of his parents. Or at least their care.

Her mother didn't have any maternal instinct. She had been married by force to a cruel man. She had given him an heir, then another one, who had died at the age of fifteen. His younger brother, more sensitive, more fragile, had made the terrible choice to stop breathing by hanging himself to the attic load-bearing beam. Richard was already studying in London when it happened. It's the butler who had found his brother and the boy had been buried in the highest discretion. No one knew the truth, except for the Turpin's family. Richard would never forget the belt lashes of his father when he had made him swear to never reveal the real causes of his father's dead. The truth would have disgraced the family. 

Catherine deserved better than the heavy Turpin's legacy. She deserved to be happy. And because he had been raised by the worst parents, he could be better. He knew everything he mustn't do. He knew how he could destroy her, therefore he knew how not to. 

He left the Court earlier than usual and well-decided to have supper with his daughter. Yet, when he arrived he found the manor too calm, almost as if everybody was already asleep. It was only five, so the venue should have been alive with servants accomplishing their duties, not with the distant cries of a little girl.

Turpin strode up the stairs, worried that something had happened to Catherine when he stumbled upon Anne.

"What's happening here ?" he asked roughly, "while Catherine is crying and where is everybody ?"

"It has been a tough day for the little mistress. Her classes didn't go well. Mister Wosley, her morning teacher had been quite hard with her. He wrote a rapport about her bad behavior, but the governess was with them and she assured me the little girl was quiet as usual, she was just not focusing on her lesson."

"And she's crying for a rapport about her behavior?" asked Turpin bewildered.

"She's afraid you don't want her anymore. The paper is quite severe."

"Because you read it ?" asked Richard, his eyebrows arched, the slightest annoyance on his face.

"No. She did and then she read it to me because she couldn't understand some words. I explained them to her in a more... soft way. I also assure her that you won't send her away because of the angriness of a teacher."

"You did well," said Richard absent-mindedly. 

He pretended to go to his office to read the note, but the maid retained him by clearing her throat. He turned around to face her, a questioning look on his features.

"What else ?" he asked, annoyed at his highest.

"This afternoon, she went out with Mister Brandon. He wanted a change of scenery to cheer up Catherine and..."

The maid hesitated, biting her lower lip.

"Anne, I'm tired, my daughter is crying which, I have to admit despite my disgust at doing it, distraught me, and I'm terribly hungry, which only add to my annoyance. If there is more, then speak without any diversion," he chided, his square shoulders and his stern eyes leaving no room for argument.

"Well, they found a strayed kitten and Catherine had brought it back. Mister Brandon didn't see the harm in it. But once he left, Harry, the stableman, told her that you didn't like animals and that you would probably throw the little pet against a wall to kill it if she didn't get rid of it before your return. She and her governess were trying to find an appropriate hideout for the little cat when she heard you arrived. Yet again, we tried with her governess to tell her you wouldn't do that, but she didn't believe us and now she's afraid Harry told you about her new companion while she didn't find anywhere to hide it."

Richard sighed heavily. The weariness and tiredness put a strain on him. 

"Thank you for telling me, Anne. Ask the butler to thank Harry with no money and reference. The boy doesn't work in my stable anymore,' and with that being said, and the package in his hands, he headed towards Catherine's room.

The governess froze when, after having closed the door, she turned around, almost bumping into Richard.

"My lord," she said with a curtesy.

"How is she ?" he asked, ignoring her terrifying eyes on him. 

"I managed to calm her down, but she is very afraid that you scold her or worse for what Mister Wosley wrote about her. She swears it's not true. And also..."

The woman wasn't sure she should keep quiet. She knew everything she had to about Turpin's bad temper and she had been here for only two weeks, also she didn't know if he could kill or not an innocent kitten.

"What about the cat ?" asked Richard harshly.

If he hadn't been so concerned about the well-being of his child, he would probably have found the expression of the governess hilarious. Her eyes were wide, she was gawking at him.

"Well ?" he insisted, "did you find an appropriate hideout for it ?"

"Indeed," answered the governess with embarrassment.

"Well, let's see if I can find it."

And with that being said, Richard knocked on the door, then entered without waiting for any answer, as he was sure the girl wouldn't have given permission to anyone to come in. 

"Catherine," thundered Turpin's voice, making the little girl shiver.

Her sad eyes looked upon his. He opened his mouth, but he didn't have time to utter any words that the little girls rushed into his arms. Flabbergasted, Turpin didn't know what to do and stayed stunned while Catherine flooded his golden waistcoat with her tears. 

"Come on, come on, calm down," said Richard softly, "let's sit down, yes ?"

He led her towards the huge bed on which were laying Merlin and many other plush animals.

"There's a whole zoo on your bed. Are you aware of that ?" asked playfully Turpin, hoping to ease a bit of the distress of his daughter.

It seemed to work as she giggled discretely. 

"Where do all those animals come from ?" asked curiously Richard.

"The servants," whispered the girl. 

Of course, they were all so fond of their little mistress, and apparently, they knew her better than him as everybody but he knew her love for animals, that they had spent some of their pay into expensive kids' stuff. 

"Do they all have a name ?"

Catherine nodded, introducing him to each of her unanimated friends with enthusiasm, her previous outburst forgotten. Even though Richard was happy to see the mood of the child liven up, he needed to clear up the events of the day. He cursed himself for bringing up the topic when she started to cry with violent sobbing.

"Hush, hush. I'm not scolding you, am I ?" he said, bothered to not know how to talk without causing anguish to his child. 

He, eventually, took his little hand in his, frowning at how thin her little arm was. He could see her bones protruding from her neckline and her shoulders and he was sure that during bath time, her maid could notice the same things with her ribs and knees. 

"You're not angry ?" she asked bashfully.

"No," said Richard.

And it was true. He knew quite well the teacher and how harsh he could be with his pupils. Yet, he was one of the best in his profession and Turpin wanted nothing but the cream of the top for her. He would have a word with him tomorrow, asking him to be more indulgent with the girl. He wouldn't have to ask twice for the man restrained his sternness because no one could match up to the anger of The High Judge Turpin. The Death's Judge. 

"Yet, I would like to be acquainted with someone else," uttered Richard.

Catherine still, understood he was talking about her cat. 

"I put him out," she declared too quickly.

Her alarmed eyes wandered a second too long towards her wardrobe. Richard stood up in a flourish and walked briskly to the piece of furniture.

"NO !" shouted the girl.

"Hush !" prompted Richard.

He sharply opened the door and a little ball of fur ran through the room to find refuge inside a cardboard box that the butler had given to Catherine for her new companion. 

"Well, it seems to already feel at home," stated Richard.

"Please, father, do not kill him," begged Catherine, bursting into tears.

Richard felt his blood ran cold through his whole body. It was the first time she had called him father. And if he was honest with himself, it had made his heart beat faster. 

"Never would I do something like that, Catherine," he said genuinely concerned she could believe him able to do something like that.

Actually, if Richard was totally honest, he could do that without any qualms to blackmail someone or to torture an enemy. But never would he do that to this girl who had become so precious for him in such a short time. Also, for Richard, animals were the sheerest and most beautiful of God's creation. Nothing to do with the mongrel he had to deal with in his day-to-day life. 

"But Harry said..."

"Do not listen to this idiot. Anyway, he doesn't work anymore for us. Rather than being gullible and believing everything everyone's telling you, you should learn to trust me."

She looked down embarrassed but Richard forced her to look at him by lifting her head with the help of one finger under his chin.

"What's the name of this little opportunist ?" he asked, looking with an amused look at the pet tearing apart the old blanket Anne had put into the box.

"Arthur," answered Catherine with a bright smile.

"Arthur ?" questioned Turpin.

"Like the King !"

Obviously. Merlin, Mordred, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan were the names of her plush and now Arthur, thought Richard, suppressing a laugh. 

"Well, Arthur is more than welcome in this house. As long as he doesn't dare come through my office and he doesn't scratch the sofas of the parlor."

Catherine nodded vigorously, her smile and the happiness flickering in her eyes a reward for Richard's tortured soul.

"I've also a present for you. I'm sorry it's not another beast for your zoo."

With that, he handed her the box he had put down on the nightstand. Catherine looked at the box with surprise before opening it with the enthusiasm of a child who wasn't used to getting a gift. Inside was laying the most beautiful doll she had ever seen. A porcelain doll with curly brown hair and the same green eyes as hers, like the one she shared with her mother. The doll's dress was made of real cashmere and embroidered with golden threads. 

"Are you happy ?" asked Turpin with trepidation as he didn't know how to interpret the child's silence. 

"I've never had something as beautiful before," whispered Catherine, not daring to take the doll out of her box, too afraid to damage it.

Richard did it for her, placing the doll among the animals.

"She will soon have her own house. I'm sure Anne and your governess would be more than delighted to help you to install her in her new lodgings. Perhaps you may ask Anne to teach you how to sew so that you could create a whole wardrobe for your doll. I will provide you with all the pieces of furniture you could need for this new entertainment."

The little girl, overwhelmed with joy, didn't know what to say and Richard, as introverted as his daughter on the field of sharing his feelings, told her he would meet her for supper. But while he was ready to leave the room, he heard Catherine's hurried steps running towards him. He didn't have time to turn around when a mass of brown curls threw itself into his arms.

He gently stroked her back with one hand, the other one caressing with as much love as he could dispense her hair. She finally stepped back, diving her green eyes in his hazel one without quivering at the natural toughness his face was constantly bearing. 

"Thank you, father," she whispered quietly, almost as if she was afraid of his reaction, afraid to lose the little affection he seemed disposed to give her.

Richard's face softened, his heart swelling with a feeling he hadn't felt for long. The last time, it was when Elena, his beloved Elena, was in his arms after he had made love to her. Elena had betrayed him when she had left him with no explanation. And now she was no longer of this world. But Catherine, the fruit of their love was there and she wanted nothing more than to love him unconditionally. It was at this moment, when he saw all the gratefulness of his daughter for a mere doll and his permission to let her keep the kitten, that a thought struck him. A man could lose a woman, but never a father could lose his child if he was able to be a good parent for the said child. So, Richard silently swore to himself he would be the best father a girl could hope for. From now on and until death comes to take him away from this world.

"You're welcome, daughter of mine," he said with a smile matching his daughter's one. A Turpin's smile. 

[jennilah]

2024 roundup!

Honestly, I don't know how to start this one. Before looking into my diary for specifics, I know this year was one of the most emotionally difficult years for me in recent memory. And yet, I still just want to take this moment to look back and reflect

cw depression symptoms, eating issues, medical talk, death talk

I started off this year getting more tattoos, and that was fun. I still love them, just taking a small break until I get my next one

I also got to check out Igloofest, which was so enjoyable that I plan on going at least one or two days again this year. A few years ago I started going to these music festivals, and something about them just really hits me. Something about being able to wander around and hang out somewhere quieter or less crowded or grab some food at any point makes it a very "relaxing" party atmosphere.

Then my first temporary layoff occurred pretty early in the year, because the industry still, to this day, is still being affected by the hollywood strikes last year. People are still struggling to find stable jobs because of it, on top of things like AI starting to replace artists in front of my very eyes. it was pretty difficult for me, as everyone else, as you could imagine.

Also at around the same time, my parents lost a good friend of theirs suddenly from undiagnosed cancer. While I didn't know him very well personally, that was immediately also just... awful. Just tragic. And in the background, a few other people I care about were also struggling with cancer themselves.

I spent a lot of my "break" in the worst depressive period I think Ive ever gone through in my life. Not diagnosed, just when thinking about how hard it was to do anything other than sleep all day. I lost so much weight from being unable to eat without getting sick, if I had any appetite. things were very bad.

The fandom and all of my other friends also helped a lot. I had a massive output of fanart this year, with most of it being drawn during the first layoff. People being so kind and supportive and joining in the Coffinshipping fun with me helped keep me sane, and gave me something to look forward to every day.

Once the weather finally started getting warmer up here, around March, I also started taking myself out on little daily walks around my neighborhood, and checked out local museums. That also helped stave away the extreme depressive thoughts.

I did manage to do something I've always wanted to do, and that was fly to Manitoba to hang out with my online friend of 10 years, Jen of riseofthefallenone fame. Finally getting to hug her irl and watch movies and go to museums for about a week was definitely one of the highlights of this year. And while it didn't cure my slump, she can attest that I was still struggling heavily with food and stuff, it really helped a lot.

Late spring, my mental health started stabilizing enough that I was able to start doing things I really love again, like go to the movies and draw even more and write fics, and most importantly- eat like normal.

I was able to see the total Solar Eclipse with friends. Anyone else who was able to witness it probably understands when I say that was another highlight of my year. It was just breathtaking, and a little bucketlist win that I really needed while I was still unsure if I was going to have a job to return to at all.

By June, I was still just being wracked with stress waiting for my job to call me back as I watched my emergency rent funds fizzle away. I spent a lot of quiet time outside enjoying the nice weather, just trying to keep my mind off of things.

I drew more. Wrote more fics. Got more tattoos.

Then, my job DID call me back. and I was so happy!

kind of!

because the MOMENT my job called me back, I had to take a sick day to get an abscess removed from my leg. yeah, I know. gross. but holy fuck, that shit hurt like a motherfucker. I felt like everything was finally turning around, and then I was in immense physical pain every day before and after recovery.

also, the medication was killing me.

the 10 days I was on antibiotics was torture. after spending most of the year so far struggling to eat, the side effect of my medication was really bad nausea, so that set me back again

and changing the bandage alone every day hurt so fucking much until that shit finally healed up after a month

Then the political debates started. and that started affecting me subtly in the background.

Also every global thing, pretty much.

Then my grandfather's cancer was starting to get worse.

Meanwhile, finally back at work, I was working on something that was so stressful that the extent of how stressed out I was is only really hitting me now in hindsight

One fun thing: I was able to make that Strahm cosplay that I really wanted to, and I had a lot of fun at Montreal comic con! I am going to describe that as a brief reprieve from everything else that was going on.

Shortly after, with a fuck ton of surrounding dramas that I don't care to describe in detail because it's too personal, my grandfather passed away.

He's the first person I've lost in my family that really affected me like this. It's been difficult.

I continued working. Summer came and went. I attended Piknic Electronik and Ilesoniq, which were fun. Everything else from that time just feels like a weird blur. I was really feeling so overwhelmed by everything by that point, a lot of days were just spent crying and trying to feel normal. like someone else was living this year, not me.

I leaned on my friends a lot this year. They really helped me feel sane, kept my mind off of everything terrible, and generally just made me feel happy when I wasn't.

I'm reading through my diary to recall events this year, and nearly every entry by this point had a breakdown. I wasn't doing well. Work was stressing me out, the world was stressing me out, the internet was stressing me out, loneliness was stressing me out, it was overwhelming.

I finally managed to find a therapist. Even just knowing therapy was on the horizon and I was finally going to get some help was tremendous for me finding some optimism again

Therapy also came at the perfect time, because I was at the "crying every day" point of depressive/anxiety symptoms again and my second temp layoff of the year was approaching on the horizon, and I really didn't want it to be as bad as last time.

Also come Fall, I discovered hockey. I finally went to my first game after living in Canada for 7 years, and as you may have noticed, I got hooked. I've been going to games and watching them on tv/online and I've been having a genuinely great time with it!

Things still felt tense though. The election was coming up. We were all feeling it.

Therapy was needed.

The election. You know what happened. I was called back into work the next day after the results came in. Same day, I was told I'd have to learn french in order to continue living in quebec soon. I have a learning disorder, language was always difficult for me, and this was suddenly dropped onto my lap with no warning. I had to be a functioning worker after that.

Then, my parents' neighborhood lit on fire.

Yes I'm serious. Not even a full week after all that, a record breaking forest fire raged for 2 weeks in my home town and my parents had to evacuate. There was a fear for a while that they were going to lose everything. Their brand new house that they only just moved into last year.

Between all of those things all at once, you could kiss my appetite and ability to keep food down goodbye again.

But thanks to the help of what might have been hundreds of firefighters from both in and outside of town and state, every single home was saved.

Ever since, things have smoothed out a bit. Work stabilized. I have been given news that our studio should have enough work to keep everyone employed well into next year. Finally, there's a light at the end of the Hollywood strike tunnel. We're not completely free of industry stress... there's still AI and quebec tax credit drama thats threatening to ruin my life and everything I've worked for... but I'm TRYING to not catastrophize things before they happen. (And I'm begging people... please be more forgiving to sequels and remakes that make you seeth and froth with rage. They're giving human artists much needed jobs. Please.. stand behind us right now.)

A lovely string of movies came out that I was able to enjoy!

Red One, Sonic 3, and Long Distance (well, not available in the US yet) all came out in quick succession, and I was able to see those with loved ones!

When movies I work on come out, it feels like my gallery exhibit opening after months or even years of anticipation. Finally! I get to show everyone my art! Sonic 3 especially was super special. I got to see that not only with excited, cheering adult fans, but I also got to see it with my parents and happy, giggling children. Both experiences were special for different reasons.

This was probably one of the hardest christmases I've ever spent home. With Grandpa gone, it was the first christmas where it felt like something crucial was missing.

With cancer increasingly present in even more elderly family members, I'm anticipating another extremely difficult year ahead of me. Knowing christmas is only going to get more emotional and unrecognizable for the rest of my life has been very, very hard for me to compartmentalize

I'm going to continue leaning on my friends and family. I'm definitely going to be leaning on my therapist more.

I don't really have much in terms of a resolution this year. I just want to feel like myself and not someone desperately trying to feel like myself

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[bronz3y]

Anxious Love - Georgia Stanway

A/N

Hi everyone!, welcome to a new story I’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks, This is going to be a multi part story, so it’s gonna be quite long :)

If you guys have any questions of suggestions for the story, please feel free to pop a message in my inbox x

this character (Alex) ,ive written is very similar to my experiences of dealing with diagnosed anxiety, which has changed my life, not everyones experience is the same x

word count: 3k

warnings: mentions of anxiety

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Chapter 1 

“Can I have a caramel frappe please?” the Starbucks cashier nods at Alexandra, leaving after taking Ellas order as well.

Alexandra and Ella have been best friends since they were 5 years old, Ella was the more outgoing one of the two, she enjoyed going outside and getting all muddy playing football. It was, and still is Ella's passion. Alexandra on the other hand was the more relaxed of the two, she enjoyed playing her guitar, drawing, and watching football, she wasn't very sporty at a young age, which has now changed, but she preferred watching football more than actually playing it.  Ever since Ella joined her youth team, Alex had been watching football religiously, always making sure to be there and support her best friend, and also by never missing a single match of her favourite team, Arsenal WFC.

 Alex and Ella had always planned on going to the same university together, Alex secured her spot at the university of Manchester by getting the grades she needed to study sports psychology, and Ella got her ticket in by earning her scholarship to play for Manchester university.

The two girls sat down at the star bucks, sipping on their cold drinks, even though it was december.

“God im so done with that one girl in my class, she has to make a comment about every point the lecturer mentions, like just shush man” Ella groans, shaking her head

“How does she even have the balls to speak in front of like a hundred people, that actually baffles me” Alex laughs.

“Anyways, me and the girls are probably gonna go out tomorrow night, a bunch of them are here in Manchester for a couple of days for some event” Ella tells Alex with a look in her eyes.

“Ella, don't even bother trying, i have an exam in a couple of weeks, if you want me to one day become your sports psych you need to let me study” Alex laughs shaking her head.

“Alex!, it's one bloody night man, you can leave your books behind to shag a girl” Ella wiggles her eyebrows.

Alex's jaw drops and Ella has to put a hand over her mouth to keep her laughter at bay.

“Ella!, oh my god you already know i don't do hookups” Alex huffs as Ella rolls her eyes at her best friend's words.

“Come on you can at least kiss one, just come and have some fun, you can make some friends besides me” Ella laughs

“Excuse me, i do have other friends” Alex huffs

“Lex, you and I both know that's a fat lie” Ella says after taking a sip of her drink.Alex looks down at her hands, knowing that her best friend's words are true.

“Hey, don't worry, if you come this weekend, you'll make some for sure, you just gotta put in a bit of effort, which is actually coming,” Ella says smiling sadly.

Alex looks down at her empty cup, nodding at Ellas words.

“Fine, I'll come, for once you're actually right about something Toone” Alex laughs

Ella rolls her eyes, “Whatever man, come on, let's go home and get warm, I'm freezing after this bloody drink” Ella shivers.

The two girls walk out of the starbucks together, laughing about some meme Ella saw on her phone. Once they got back to their shared apartment they began doing some chores around the house, Alex cleaning the living room and Ella preparing the dinner since it was her turn that night.

A couple hours later, Alex was relaxing on the couch after completing all her chores for the day and Ella was finishing up their dinner, which was some pesto pasta, made from scratch since Alessia had taught Ella a few months ago.

As Ella was pouring the pasta in two plates, the sound of her phone ringing echoed through the house.

“hello?..Georgia hi!”

Georgia Stanway, Alex has heard about her a few times, Ella and Georgia had met a couple years ago in one of the England youth camps, the same place where she met Alessia, who she knows well, Georgia on the other hand, she hasn't met yet.

Ella always mentioned that she was funny and very talented in football, Alex had only seen Georgia in some instagram posts Ella made while in football camp or when she would go out with her football friends, Georgia went to another uni about half an hour from Manchester most weekends they would meet up, sometimes Ella would get a train with Alessia to them, or they would get the train to Manchester, which is what was happening this weekend. Ella had also told her that Georgia went to uni with a couple other football girls Ella had mentioned to her, Leah and Lotte.

“Oh yeah, i know a good bar we can go to…no, G we are not getting a maccies, we are all gonna go to a nice restaurant before we go to the bar” Ella laughs into her phone, rested between her shoulder and her ear as she brings the two plates of pesto pasta to the table.

“Mhm, oh and by the way, i actually convinced Alex to come, she's not too thrilled though” Ella laughs as Alex shoots her a death stare.

“Alright G im gonna have dinner now but ill message all the details on the group alright?, okay, bye!” Ella hangs up and puts her phone down, replacing it with a fork.

“This pesto better be good, it took me 2 bloody hours man”

Friday 

Friday came around quickly,  Alex was in the apartment finishing off some notes since she had the afternoon off, but her peaceful silence was interrupted by Ella barging through the front door.

“Alex!, its time to find you a cute outfit for tonight” Ella sang as she entered Alex’s room, rummaging through her wardrobe.

“Ella!, its still 5:30 in the afternoon” Alex groaned

“We need time to get you all glammed up, now, what are we feelin’, a polo with jeans?, this one's very nice” Ella pulls out a navy blue Ralph Lauren polo with some white pants to match the white logo.

“Yeah alright, thats nice” Alex nods her head, ella smiles and puts the outfit on her bed

“Ok, hair, do you want me to iron it?” Ella suggests

It takes them both a couple hours to get ready, after a few arguments over Ella almost burning Alex’s ear with the straightener, they are about to leave their apartment. After parking Ellas car, they start to walk to the Italian restaurant Ella had booked.

Alex felt quite nervous about meeting more of Ellas football friends since she didn't play herself, her anxiety had risen a bit on the way to the restaurant, but she reminded herself that Ella was with her and that she already knew Alessia. Alex exhales as they approach the door.

As the two girls walk in they scan the restaurant and see the rest of the girls sat down, Alessia sees them and waves. 

“Hey girls, nice outfits” Alessia gets up and gives them both a warm hug, Ella then sits down next to Alessia.

Alex then looks for a seat and sees the only one free is next to Georgia.

“Mind if I sit here?” Alex says, Georgia looks up at her and smiles.

“Of course, there's nowhere else after all,” Georgia laughs.

“You're so stupid” Alex thinks to herself as she sits down next to georgia.

Lotte, Leah and Georgia introduce themselves to Alex, they all seem lovely girls, just how Ella had described them.

“So Alex, what are you studying?” Leah asks as the waiter brings their drinks.

“I'm studying sports psychology” Alex replies shyly

“Oh nice, are you enjoying it?” Georgia looks at Alex, Alex smiles at her

“Oh yeah, i've always been interested in it, and plus, i can make sure El has no more screws loose” Alex jokes.

“Oi!, all my screws are tight thank you very much” Ella huffs, rolling her eyes at leah commenting on how that's a lie.

As the rest of the girls are talking to each other, Alex and Georgia are eating their meals in a slightly awkward silence.

“What about you? What are you studying?” Alex asks to continue the conversation.

“Oh um, nothing special, just accounting, i wanna focus on football as much as i can so i didn't want to study something hard” Georgia says shrugging.

“That makes sense, you must be pretty good if you're planning to make it pro” Alex smiles at her.

“I guess so, thankfully i have football, i've never been a smart person” Georgia laughs.

As the dinner went on Georgia and Alex got to know each other, from life plans to favourite animals, and before they knew it, they were going to head out to the club Ella had mentioned. The girls paid the bill and soon enough they exited the restaurant into the cold night, the club was only a five minute walk from the restaurant, so they got to the entrance pretty fast.

As the girls entered the club, Alex was already overwhelmed, she hated being squished to sweaty men, the smell of cigarettes and weed, she hated all of it.

As the girls found a booth they all sat down, Ella announces that she’ll get the first round of shots. Alex rests her head on the table on her arms, trying hard to control the anxiety she feels, the familiar fatigue in her stomach increasing. “No” Alex thinks, “i need this, i need friends”

she balls her hands into a fist, she sits up and takes a breath, none of the girls notice, except Georgia, Alex can feel her looking at her from the corner of her eye.

“Alright, everyone take one” Ella announces as she comes back with a tray of shots, Alex grabs one and quickly downs it before she can overthink it.

Half an hour later, the girls had gone to dance, Alex insisted she was not a dancer and would much rather stay at the booth, as she does, she sees georgia dancing with the rest of the girls, her freckles and beauty spots being hit perfectly by the dramatic lights of the club, her pearly white teeth had been showing ever since she entered the crowd and started dancing to the rhythm of the overplayed songs.

Alex hadn't dated anyone before, her shy personality in highschool made everyone think she was weird, thankfully, she'd slowly grown out of it as she grew up, acting more like herself.

Alex had always known she fancied girls, she had never really had a crush on any boys, one time when Ella and Alex were 12, Ella had asked her if she had a crush on anyone, Alex replied with the first boy that came to her mind, but she never liked any of them, she just wanted to fit in, like Ella did, she did one time ask a girl out at 15, but she rejected her and made fun of her for liking girls, from then on the rumours started and everyone knew her as “the lesbian”, from then forward is when the anxiety started.

Alex snapped out of her trance when she noticed that Georgia was looking back at her, Alex quickly looked down, but then looked back up again, to see Georgia's eyes still on her.

Alex suddenly felt a presence behind her, or more so smelt,.

“Hey beautiful” a deep raspy voice mumbled behind her, Alex could smell the alcohol on the man's breath without fully turning around, Alex then felt hands on her waist, she froze, tensing as the man continued talking to her.

“Oi fuck off will ya?” Alex saw someone shove the guy off her, Alex could feel her chest tightening, making it harder to breathe, Georgia then appeared in front of her.

“Alex?, ya alright?” Georgia said quietly.

“I ca..i cant breathe” Alex manages to speak.

“Shall I take you outside?” Georgia suggests, Alex nodded at her words.

Georgia puts her arm around Alex’s shoulder, guiding her to the club's exit, as they leave the club, Georgia finds a bench and sits Alex down.

“Alex, breathe in and out, slowly” Georgia crouches in front of Alex, showing her how to do it. Alex nods and does as she says.

“Good, you're ok, you're safe” Georgia whispers, Alex nods, a couple tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh god” Alex breathes out when she can speak

“You alright?” Georgia says, sitting down next to Alex, a worried look on her face.

Alex nods at her words, resting her head back onto the bench.

“What that guy did is fucking horrible, touching you like that without asking” georgia says angrily.

“My anxiety got so bad, sorry you had to see that” Alex looks down

“Hey, there's nothing to apologise for, I'm glad I got there when I did” Georgia smiles, putting a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“Thank you for that, i shouldn't need someone to do that, i should be able to tell the person to fuck off myself” Alex says, playing with her ring.

“No Alex, it's not your fault, not everyone is like that, some people go into shock, like you, and some people punch or shove them away, like me” Georgia says softly, Alex nods at her words.

“I dont think im gonna go back in there” Alex shakes her head.

“I can take you home if you want” Georgia suggests Alex

Alex shakes her head, “Georgia, there's no need, seriously i-”

“Alex, I don't mind, I promise, and plus your house is like 20 minutes walking from here right?” Alex nods at Georgia's question.

“Alright, Ella told me that the place me and the girls are staying in is close to your accommodation anyways” Georgia smiles.

They both get up from the bench and begin to walk towards Alex and Ellas place. As they did so, there was a comfortable silence between the two girls, apart from the sound of cars driving by them and the occasional group of teens passing by. but Georgia's voice interrupted the silence.

“Hey, sorry if this is too much to ask but, I saw that when we first sat down, you looked really stressed out, were ya alright?” Georgia fidgeted with her coat zipper as she asked.

“No,no it's alright, I saw that you noticed, it's just i'm not a big fan of these things, going out to clubs and getting really drunk” Alex shrugged.

“It gives me a lot of anxiety, but i don't have any friends besides Ella, sure i had like 2 more back home, but i've been to uni for a couple months and i only have el, i need to make more friends” Alex looked down ashamed. 

“Hey, you've already made one” Georgia smiles at Alex, gently bumping into her, Alex smiles back at her, but it quickly fades.

“I just feel like shit,I don't want Ella to feel like she only needs to hang with me, she has you guys, and a couple other friends she's met here” Alex explains.

“I understand, i'm always here if you need anyone to hang out, if you want to of course i know i can be much sometimes” Georgia rants, Alex shakes her head.

“I'd really like that, don't feel forced to, i know you already have your own friends” Alex says

“There's nothing wrong with making more” Georgia says shyly

After a couple more minutes of walking and their hands grazing every once in a while, Alex and Georgia arrived at Alex’s and Ella’s home.

“This is me” Alex says, stopping at her apartment building door, Georgia stands in front of Alex.

“Thank you, for tonight, you didn't have to see me like that, im s-”

“Alex.” Georgia says sternly, “i wanted to, i know you needed someone with you”

“Thank you” Alex says softly, smiling at Georgia.

“Any time” Georgia smiles back, before Alex could walk away, Georgia spoke up.

“Hey, would you maybe want to go get a coffee tomorrow afternoon?” Georgia asks shyly

“I'm not too busy tomorrow, but if I finish my studying, I'd like to,” Alex smiles at georgia.

“Great!, erm what time works best for ya?” Georgia cringes internally at her excitement.

“any time after 5, is 5:30 ok?” Alex suggests.

“Mhm, perfect, i'm not really doing anything tomorrow, just training in the morning” Georgia laughed.

“Stanway and her football” Alex shakes her head, Georgia giggles at her words.

“Well if it wasn't for football i wouldn't be here, gotta keep it up eh?” Georgia rambled, Alex nodded with a “that's true” expression.

“Well, I should head in, it's getting late” Alex says softly.

“Yeah same, gotta get some sleep before training” Georgia mumbles.

“Goodnight, stanway, thank you for tonight” Alex mentions it again, she wants to make sure Georgia knows she's not taking what the girl had done for granted, no one has calmed her down that quick before.

“Of course Alex, i'll help ya as many times as you need while I'm with you” Georgia smiles, her cheeks slightly red due to the cold, or at least that's what Alex thought in her head.Alex then walks closer to Georgia, wrapping her arms around her, it took Georgia a second to hug her back, not expecting it, Georgia hugged her back tightly, after a couple of seconds, they parted, smiling at eachother.

“Goodnight stanway” Alex whispered.

“Goodlight Lex,” Georgia smiled.

As alex walked up to her door to unlock it, she looked back, watching Georgia walk away, she smiled to herself and let herself inside, once she got into her apartment, she prepared herself a tea, it always helped her calm down after an anxious day, once Alex had sat down, sipping on her tea catching up on her series, her phone vibrated.

“Georgia Stanway has followed you”

“Accept”

“You are now following Georgia Stanway”

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hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! :) x

[waterfallofspace]

Who are your favorite artists/writers in the community?

I see this one has been going around!! I actually got two, so forgive me for answering only just the one, but thank you both for sending this in!! Absolutely gonna emphasis *favourite*, not best, so I'm CERTAIN I'm gonna miss people that I just haven't seen

Okay so this is gon be a long list, and tagging people is scary so I really apologize if any of you didn't wanna be tagged <3 and I'm certain to miss a few, so if I don't mention you, please know that you're still amazing and it doesn't mean I don't melt to bits at your content!!!~ <3

(also gonna include a few wav makers bc that's honestly an art too!!! and i feel they deserve to be praised for that!!~)

(and gonna copy snzdreams here <3) People I know/Friends:

--- @onetrickponi is an absolute TREASURE, not only so kind and fun, but also genuine triple threat, despite what her name suggests~ --- @zensations35 one of the BIG names on here, at least to me~ someone I've adored for years, such a kind person too!! Not super close, but adore her!~ --- @snzdreams Absolute dear, and SUCH a fun person, and honestly honestly honestly the best g/ojo writer ive ever had the pleasure of reading, girl i stg that closet fic will live with me forever --- @bestwhumpist SOOOOO good!!! and so sweet, i have the honour of calling you a friend and also the honour of enjoying your WORK bc mmm girl yes --- @ithadtobesneezing also one of the sweetest people, so many people on here are so sweet and it makes me insane, and SUCH a good writer, like hello??? hi???? made me fall in love with y/uta i swear --- @6pmsoup AMAZING art like AMAAZZZINNGGG art, looks so good i'd swear it was straight from a manga --- @hachiibun some of my favourite art on this entire site, hachii is not only INSANELY impressive, also so nice!!! genuinely amazing~ --- @goodlucksnez makes some REALLY good wavs, and Vic is also such a kind and fun person!~ --- @ezynse REALLY good fics, personally seen a few a/ce a/ttorney ones making the rounds, but also just a funny and sweet person~ --- @lycheeehehe made this one w/olfwood drawing that made me feel things AND AND AND then also made a list of hcs for t/oji and ik hcs arent what you asked but literally made me insane over this man --- @devilscastle69 THE h/otwings writer on A/03, absolutely go check them out if you like h/otwings, some AMAZING stuff on there!! (also just such a cool person hi <3) --- @themiseryandcompany older fics but SOOO worth it, tasty lil morsels, and also one of my first friends on here!!! so adore her forever <3 --- @snzluv3r hi so honestly this one is so hguahguh for me to admit but some of the hottest wavs on here, and more than that!! literally a sweetheart, SUCH a sweet person!~ <33

People I don't know, but really appreciate:

--- @whiskey-tango-matcha such good stories about their lil guy ocs, they're SO alive and I honestly feel like they're characters from a published media with how much I know them and feel certain of them!! --- @autumnsneezes some of the best wavs (and snzs) that i've heard, absolutely amazing!!~ --- @gemsden some REALLY good content over here, mostly just posts with vague ideas, but some writing too!~ and just sooo good!~ --- @kotyonoksnz literally SUCH amazing art, released a few comics of it, and SPOILED snzblr with a beautiful h/azbin partial one, absolutely incredible art!!

omg this has been SO long im so sorry!! and im so sorry if i missed someone/you, i PROMISE it doesn't mean I don't love your stuff, just means i forgot T-T but I hope the length (and tags) are alright, and thank you for asking non!!~

[bthump]

What do you think would happen if Griffith not only won the fight, but if the eventuality of his sword straying off the mark and killing Guts, that Griffith considers (and accepts...) before the fight, actually came true? could this be enough to trigger all the events of the Eclipse or do you think he could pick himself up from killing Guts more easily than from being abandoned by him and instead of following the exact same pattern as when Guts leaves, simply become more determined (and more ruthless than ever) to achieve his dream? bonus question: where would Casca be in all this? would she be able to stay by Griffith's side had Guts been killed by him and with seemingly no remorse?

question 2 (im almost done, i promise <3) - had Griffith won without killing Guts (provided Guts didnt try to leave anyway or at least wouldnt manage to sneak out again, since Griffith would probably keep him on a leash afterwards lol), do you think their relationship could still be salvaged or would there be no way for Griffith to forgive him for ever wanting to leave (and no way for Guts to forgive Griffith for forcing him to stay)?

huge fan of all your meta posts, you simply get it, you just get it, and ive been rotating that duel scene and all its possible outcomes in my head to the point of losing my goddamn mind, so. there it is. hope you have a good day!

Thank you! Hope you also have a good day <3 Sorry this took a while to answer, I've been sleepy recently thanks to schedule changes.

What I generally think is that Griffith killing Guts in that duel wouldn't be a behelit-opening event itself, because I feel like there's a reason Griffith had to go through the torture for a year. I definitely think it could also lead to him sleeping with Charlotte and getting caught though, and it would be just as if not more devastating than Guts just leaving, because now Griffith believes that Guts wanted to leave him out of disgust/hatred/resentment/whatever, AND also he just proved him right in the worst way possible.

What I personally envision happening in this scenario is that Griffith gets cold and distant and wraps himself up in his dream to the point of losing all genuine connection with others. He'd also double down on the seeing himself as a monster thing and embody that even more, doing worse and worse things to achieve his goals. Basically becoming Femto and NeoGriffith in spirit, if not literally.

I see this because imo within the griffguts dynamic, Guts basically embodies Griffith's potential to give up his dream and all its associated negative shit like guilt and self loathing, and be emotionally fulfilled without being obsessed with a distant goal. So if Griffith kills him, thematically he's destroying all hope of growing as a person and he can only regress into all his worst traits from there.

As for Casca... this isn't based on any kind of analysis lol, but I think she'd stay for a while and maybe try to draw Griffith's humanity out, but maybe she would leave eventually, falling out of love with Griffith and understanding that even their friendship is over, and wanting distance from him. I don't think she'd hate him for killing Guts, since they're all mercenaries, but I think it would change how she sees him for the worse.

I'd like if she stayed because she has her own emotional investment in the realization of Griffith's dream, or at least her life as a soon to be knighted captain of an army, but unfortunately canonically she is only there because of her feelings for Griffith lol. If I was writing it as a fic though she'd stay because she's got a great life going in Midland, but she'd drift away from Griffith and fall for someone else.

Wrt your second question, I definitely think their relationship could be salvaged, and honestly imo it's a great jumping off point for canon divergence fic. There's drama, there's angst, but there's still potential for a happily ever after. They'd both assume the other hates him, they'd be polite and strained and awkward and only interact professionally, but eventually something could give and they'd realize that they've been in love with each other the entire goddamn time lol. Like if Griffith nearly died for Guts again, eg.

Thanks for the fun questions!

[malwaredykes]

ma'am give us the catherine boone lore, please i beg of you

well *smiles shyly*

in case its not clear she is Boone the companion in fallout new vegas but after realizing some important things about herself

which is something that started out as just me having this sort of loose “wouldnt it be interesting” idea but then @fallout-lou-begas and i spent days digging into how well this actually fits boone's narrative. boone being an egg i mean. starting from simple things that dont Necessarily have to mean anything but definitely add up, like boone going by last name only, or being the least talkative companion by far (do you not like the sound of your own voice, boone?), all the way to like. the general Long-Unaddressed Dysphoria Hopelessness, the sense of having no future and no autonomy and no power to change anything. there's a lot to go through here but there's just this constant vibe of being a lost cause, of feeling like things can only happen to you as you move through life detached and disconnected and numb, and of not having the words to express any of that, not knowing how much of that can even be put into words or given any meaning or solution, because something is always missing, something big.

so. i think leigh suddenly appearing in boone's life had one hell of an impact. still took boone a long time to understand why and that it was okay for her to “want to be like leigh” and so on. but yeah, ive mentioned before how it adds a whole new layer to the fact that boone just followed this strange woman into the wasteland and became so ride or die for her. and how she felt that she and leigh had been destined to meet. in fact boones dialogue thats like “maybe its you i shouldve been expecting all along”, “i knew i was supposed to follow you the day we met” just kind of hits harder this way Im Not Gonna Lie. like, yeah, narratively in the game its suppose to be about boone's guilt, but... theres this overarching mindset that boone has... similarly to how boone's not liking to talk definitely reads as a neurodivergence thing, but also.... could be more than one reason.. there are Usually complex/multiple causes behind such character-defining idiosyncrasies yknow

i might write/draw something about the moment boone starts to piece things together and Realizes and tells leigh. and even though boone had been shaking like a leaf about the prospect of telling her, leigh is of course very very happy to help her and support her. shes happy she gets to be there for boone and get to know her even better than she already did.

as for the name, honestly catherine just kind of came up. like it just came up and immediately sounded right. she can go by cat and thats very very cute.

overall catherine is like… well shes just very lovable. shes definitely a LOT happier, she actually smiles and laughs, and feels a lot more grounded and present. and hrt makes her look very soft. and she grows her hair out to where its this like, fluffy mullet situation. and leigh falls for her because she already liked boone a whole lot, they were besties/worsties who had seen each other at their lowest and were very comfortable with each other, and seeing cat be this content and radiant and cute… she was Defenseless. Oh, This Lovely Woman Has Been Right In Front Of Me This Whole Time. shes crazy. cat youre gonna get sooooo kissed.

so. yeah. it IS ocXcanon with extra steps. and i love it. i love you cat boone. theres so much to her and so much i could say and so many layers to her new hopes and dreams after so many years of dreary soldier-conditioning dissociated i-am-made-for-a-purpose loneliness. but i wanna convey it properly thru art and writing i think.

[beebundt]

would you mind sharing a bit about Angel's character design and the process of developing it? are there qualities of her personality/story that inform her appearance that you haven't shared so far? have you talked about her tattoos yet??

yeah absolutely!!! i have a Lot i could say here actually because its my favorite thing to think about when designing a character! this is going to get a little long. thanks for the question! 💕💕

to begin with, since she's paired with 2D ill be comparing the two a bit here. i intentionally wanted to use a lot of curves in her initial design from the git go (body shape, her curly hair, etc.) and generally contrast other features against his, so how i draw him with circle eyes, i draw her with much sharper ones, or him being like 6 ft and shes short af. which is not to say there's any real importance behind that besides my satisfaction seeing this scrawny coward of a man tower over this 4'9 chill af beef queen and knowing she could easily snap him in half if she wanted & he'd worship her for it. but anyway it is something i consider in contrast to 2D even in outfits. not that it's purely the only way they dress or anything, but angel tends to wear a lot more leather + punk elements in comparison to him so there's also contrast in style there reflective of their general attitudes.

her development + concept is sort of an odd one for me because i already had a mostly clear idea of what kind of character i wanted to make from the start, im sure it has something to do with just how long i've already been into gorillaz so ive.... def had the time to think about it lol. here are some REALLY rough sketches from the very first time i drew her, they're very ugly bc i never expected anyone to see but just want to show how little she's actually changed from initial conception? disregarding style ofc. i can't really explain my motives anymore than i wanted someone who was not afraid to challenge 2D, equally as wild + independent, but also supports his vulnerabilities, is protective of him. someone who would be similar to murdoc in attitude in a lot of ways but uses it to protect, not destroy.

spitballing some little stuff because ive been so in my head im not exactly sure what i've shared and what i havent lmao. some things angel used to do were habitual out of insecurity like when she used to straighten her hair from teenage-young adult years, but then started wearing it natural from p3 and on, or plucking her eyebrows so much she doesn't have really left anymore & has to draw them in. also her brothers used to make fun of her tooth gap and shit when she was a kid so she stopped open smiling but since being 2D she's felt confident about it again. has a lot of tats + piercings bc she was big into the rock/punk scene way back and that's something i try to show at least a little throughout her wardrobe no matter the phase. like an aging rock fan trying to get with the times. her style does get more "modern"? as the phases go on though, so her rock influences become a bit harder to spot by p7, but are most prevalent p2 & p4.

for tattoos, i have talked a little about it on her toyhouse page but ill go more into it here!! all current tattoos include:

large wings on her upper back - angel symbolism of course. she really leaned into liking her name the she older she got because it almost became a sense of pride to her as she's sort of a local legend to the general community. so with this one she got to represent that, her community and friends is what gives her her wings.

long roses + stems from her right forearm to her shoulder/collarbone - honestly she just fucks with it. was done by a friend who wanted to test her skills on her & angel really does not give af so ofc she was on board with that.

a small star under her left collarbone - represents an old friend she used to know and is put there so she can always keep them close to her heart.

a chubby cupid with a bow and arrow on the top of her right upper thigh - dare by a friend because they thought it was funny. plus you know. angel symbolism with her name. anyway the arrow points directly at her you know.

a heart with an arrow through it on her left shoulder - used to have her ex best friend/crush’s name on it but she had it completely removed later when they had a big falling out, so it's just the heart now. was one of the first things she had tattooed on her when she was a teenager)

a large black scorpion just below the left shoulder and all down her upper arm - represents her old band, the scorpion was a symbol they used for a one-off album.

a dagger with a snake wrapped around the blade on her left forearm - honestly she just fucks with it. another done by a friend to test on her.

and a small cross on her left middle finger - she grew up in a christian household, although she's atheist, it still holds some comfort to her. but mostly it's just funny to flip murdoc off with (and why she initially got the tattoo lmao bc she cant stand his ass)

when thinking about angel's design/lore i have to be mindful that not even gorillaz cares this much about their own lore or go deep into it at all lmao. so i always struggle with how far should i cross that line in the name of developing an interesting character i can imagine for the world and how much i should step back and be like.... "its just gorillaz bro" lmfao. so i TRY (keyword try) to only briefly go over some things in her lore and not dig too deep into it. but its hard being a gorillaz fan and wanting to be invested 💔

[auroraescritora]

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME - PERCY/NICO AU HIGH SCHOOL - CHAPTER XVIII

Hi, how are you doing? We're finally back with the English version. I took a break from the Portuguese version because I couldn't connect with my dramatic side, so in the next few days we'll have the English version. I hope you enjoy it.

Before we go any further, I'd like to know who is still interested in this story written in English. It's more work than the Portuguese version. So, if you're still interested, vote below!

CHAPTER I / CHAPTER II / CHAPTER III / CHAPTER IV / CHAPTER V / CHAPTER VI / CHAPTER VII / CHAPTER VIII / CHAPTER IX / CHAPTER X / CHAPTER XI / CHAPTER XII / CHAPTER XIII / CHAPTER XIV / CHAPTER XV / CHAPTER XVI / CHAPTER XVII

If Nico had known, he wouldn't have gotten out of bed that morning. In fact, if he had the power, he would have gone back in time to the exact moment before he fought with Annabeth at the party and done everything differently; he would’ve keep lying to Percy, pretending that everything was fine, even if at the end of the day, it was one less problem he had to deal with. Yes, he was the only one to blame for all this, for not telling what was happening with himself at the right time and for not saying enough at the wrong time. In the end, Percy was only doing what he had asked, but in a way that Nico hadn't anticipated, taking control of the situation when he least expected it. A good example of this was that morning, a Monday like any other. Or so he thought.

Nico didn't know how he hadn't noticed these things before, how much the loneliness had disappeared with Percy's presence and, in turn, the reaction he caused in people. Nico had been back for a week or two, but it seemed like the two years abroad had never happened. People still looked at him and treated him the same way, the prejudice veiled and barely hidden for anyone to see. Was it the color of his skin? Homophobia? Or it was the fact that Percy once again ignored anyone when he was around? Was a weight Nico couldn't remember feeling before. It wasn't like he could help it or had any inclination to do so, because that morning Nico had woken up the way he had always imagined impossible, with lingering kisses and caresses that made him sigh. With tight hugs that warmed his soul and made him feel safe. Of course, all this came to a halt when they had to get out of bed and go to school and face the cruel world of teenagers. 

He barely noticed the silence around them until Nico walked in with Percy for the first lesson of the day. He only understood what was happening when he saw Annabeth at the back of the class, surrounded by a group of people. 

"Don't mind her, okay?" Percy said and brought Nico's hand to his lips.

Then, everything made sense. They were holding hands, walking around the school without a care in the world. Nico bet Annabeth was doing her best to spread the latest gossip; the popular basketball player was sleeping with the newly transferred boy, even though he was sure most people remembered him.

Nico didn't have much more time to think about what people were whispering. Percy pulled him to the other side of the room and sat with him in one of the corner desks, perfectly away and protected from curious eyes. He wished he could say he hadn't been able to concentrate in class, when in fact it was the opposite; the whispers became background noise and the next thing Nico knew, another school day was drawing to a close, Nico seeing himself in the reflection of the car window, watching the avenue full of trees and stores, the bustling commerce at that time of day.

"Are you okay?" Percy asked beside him, placing a hand on his leg as he drove towards their house, or rather, towards the Jacksons' house. 

"I think so. Can we stop by my house? I wanted to get my things.”

"What's wrong? My clothes not enough?" 

Percy was joking, of course. He couldn't go on wearing the shirts that kept slipping off his shoulders or his old clothes, even if they were in very good condition.

"Per.”

"It's all right. I'll do anything for my baby." Percy flashed him a huge smile, as if he'd just told him the best joke in the world, and Nico decided to ignore it. 

Every time he said he wasn't a baby, something happened to show how right Percy was. Staying quiet, Nico put his hands over Percy's hand and held them, intertwining their fingers.

"We're almost there. Do you want me to get it or you do it?"

It was a good question. Nico didn't want to find Hades inside the house, but it had been days since he had talked to Bianca.

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course. Whatever you need." 

So, after a few minutes, Percy parked the car in front of the house and they both stopped at the door, the doorman letting him through as soon as he recognized him. Nico didn't even try to greet the man, all he wanted was to get his things as quickly as possible and talk to Bianca if she was home. Imagine his surprise when he saw his father in the living room, sitting on the couch while reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Nico, what a surprise. I thought you'd forgotten where your home is.”

"That's funny." Nico replied. He didn't even bother to see his father's reaction, and looking ahead, made his way up the stairs. "I thought I didn't have a father."

"Boy! Come back here right now!”

Of course, it wasn't like he would obey a complete stranger. Nico kept on walking calmly, and even though he overheard Percy exchanging a few words with Hades, it didn't shake him. It was something common between them. Soon Percy was at his side again, offering him a smile and a friendly shoulder. Honestly? Nico didn't care. He cared less and less. He already had a family, and wasn't an irresponsible man who would make him feel guilty for ignoring someone who should be the first to support him. 

Without making too much of a mess, Nico picked up his suitcases, his personal belongings and some boxes that had just arrived from Italy, and walked around the room, making sure he had everything.

"Is that all?" Percy asked him, looking sad.

"The rest is in Verona. I didn't know how long I'd be here.”

"What does that mean?”

Nico shrugged and checked under the bed.

"I thought you'd be dating someone. Getting ready to get married, you know? I thought I'd come back to finish school and apologize. And then... I guess go back to Italy to help my nona.”

"Really? I mean so little to you?" Percy looked hurt, but that wasn't the point.

"I didn't expect all of this.”

Nico decided to face Percy when the silence stretched longer than usual.

"I always forget what I did to you.” Percy said.

No, Nico refused to get into this argument again. He refused.

"I mean..." Nico said, trying to change the subject. "You knew where I was.”

"I did." Percy agreed. "I was planning to go after you. After I graduated.”

"Hm." Nico muttered without knowing what to say. That was a good thing, right?

"I wanted to give you time to... live.”

"I don't think I understand.”

"I didn't want you to live wondering what could have happened without my shadow hanging over you. I know that's stronger than both of us.”

When Percy talked like that, it sounded as if they had no choice, as if they had no free will. Maybe it was. Because if Percy had shown up at his door, he would have dropped everything and said yes to anything Percy suggested.

"Sorry, I didn't want to talk about it again. Let's go, okay?" Percy said and kissed his cheek, trying to smile, before picking up the suitcases and one of the boxes, leaving him to carry the lighter items. 

They went down the stairs and there was Hades blocking the way. Luckily, Bianca was there too, she took some things from his hand and tried to smile at him, just like Percy had done, trying to comfort him.

"Nico, we need to talk." Hades said, still blocking the exit door.

"Now you want to talk? What would you have to tell me?”

"We need to talk about your future.”

"Future? As long as it's away from you, I accept it.”

"I'm your father. You owe me respect!”

"What respect?”

"Nico, please." Bianca stepped between them and, pleading with her eyes, kept talking: "Could you listen to what he has to say?”

"I'm sorry." Nico said, not feeling guilty at all. "I don't want to know about his plans for me. It's your responsibility now.”

"I know we wronged you and--"

"Wronged me?" Nico shook his head, refusing to believe it. "I love you, Bia. I really do. But I have nothing to do with the Di Angelo family. He's your father much more than mine. Enjoy it.”

"Niccolas. Obey me this instant!" Hades' voice boomed through the room, deep and hoarse, like thunder. Maybe this had terrified him a few years ago, now all he felt was a deep anger.

"What are you going to do? Hit me? Isn't that your favorite way of dealing with disobedient little boys?”

The following scene became quite a spectacle in Nico's eyes. Bianca went pale as a sheet of paper, Hades got even angrier, but the most interesting reaction was to see Percy freeze like the most perfect Greek statue. Would this be another layer of guilt for Percy to “ not try to talk to him about?”

"It's okay. Go ahead." Nico said when no one else dared to say a word. "Make sure you leave at least one mark, so it's easier to hand over as evidence to the authorities. What do you think of that?”

"You wouldn't have the nerve.”

"No? Then try your luck." And yet, when Hades didn't move away from the door, Nico was forced to continue: "Are you going to force me or are you going to get out of the way?”

"You damn--"

"Nico, leave it to me. I'll take care of this." Percy said beside him, reminding him that his boyfriend was still there. It was strange. Usually these things happened when there were no witnesses.

That was it!

"You don't have to. I know Hades will make the right decision, won't he? Especially with two witnesses present?

Nico then turned to Hades and waited. Hades might be irresponsible and violent, but he wasn't stupid. 

Still fuming with anger, Hades walked away from the door, but not before saying:

"What are you going to do? Live the rest of your life on other people's money? Begging for attention?"

"What I do is none of your business. Soon you won't have any power over me or what belongs to my mother. Say goodbye to your fortune, dear Papa.”

With that, Nico turned his back on Hades and walked out the door, never to return. He would make Hades pay for everything he had done and make him return every penny that had been taken from his mother.

***

Nico felt lucky. Really.

They got his things into the car in time for Bianca to say she would call him, enough time for Percy to close the car doors and to drive away from that house. Now, why did he feel lucky? Well, he was lucky that Percy waited until they got home to hug and try to comfort him. The funny thing is, he didn't need to be comforted. This time, all Nico wanted was to hit something to see if it would take the tension out of his shoulders. What did he do? He let himself be comforted anyway. He let Percy hug him tightly, he let Percy stroke his hair in that way that made his hair stand on end, and he let Percy kiss him for a long time.

"I didn't know. I never-- why didn't you tell me?”

"I knew you'd do something stupid.”

"He hit you! And I... I did the same!”

"I wouldn't say that. Hades has never been so talented at making me cum.”

"Nico!”

"Sorry! " He ended up laughing, feeling some of the tension leave his body. "I didn't want to be sent away because of him.”

"I'm so sorry.” Percy said, holding him even tighter. “You had to go through all of that and I never suspected. All makes sense now. You didn't like going home and avoided Hades at all costs.

"I didn't want to worry you.”

"Don't say that. Hades will never see you again. That's a promise.”

"What are you going to do?”

"Do you trust me?”

How could he not when Percy looked at him so seriously and with those intense green eyes?

"I do. You know that.”

"I’ll take care of you. And this time, I’ll make sure those people pay for what they did.”

And again, Nico thought about objecting. But if Percy wanted to, who was he to deny it? Nico knew he shouldn't like being put on a pedestal or being protected as if he were made of glass. The real problem was that he liked it, loved seeing the sense of possession that emanated from Percy. Was it even a problem when he allowed it to happen and even consented to Percy's actions? 

Tired of hesitating, Nico just agreed, letting Percy keep on with the kissing and the cuddling. The best part was when Sally arrived from work with Grover and Tyson. He snuggled against Percy's chest and allowed himself to enjoy the moment, watching the Jackson family's reaction. Well, seeing his family's reaction, because they were the ones who had offered him a home when he thought he had nothing. But, seeing them go from surprised to furious in less than two minutes was shamefully satisfying. It was something that warmed his soul and stroked his sense of revenge. Why try to fight his nature when he could have everything he wanted? In the end, Nico heard a lot of “I'm sorry” and “we'll take care of everything”, ending with “you're safe with us”.

Nico also knew that they weren't just saying that to comfort him, but seeing their faces full of affection and a sense of justice made something inside him calm down, a huge satisfaction bubbling out of him in the form of a smile. That shouldn't be too common, right? To start laughing when they showed so much concern? The truth was that Nico already felt vindicated just by the fact that someone knew what kind of person Hades Di Angelo really was.

"Thank you." He ended up saying when the family hugged him together, Sally almost crying while Grover and Tyson had a serious, neutral expression on their faces, reminding him of when Percy was trying to control himself so as not to destroy whatever he saw along the way; Percy might be the family member who showed his emotions the most, but behind the innocent and kind face it was Tyson who acted first.

Any thoghts? Thanks for reading!

[okiedokiegoosey]

theories w/ rocki bc @caterva told me to put it on the dash:

today's edition: cooper howard is not a naturally occurring ghoul.

i am pointedly putting this on lucy and not barb because we're going to talk about how it affects lucy and cooper's interactions. i may expand upon it on barb later. under the cut bc i am long winded and do not want to clog your dash with my cooper was an experiment theory.

disclaimer: these are my thoughts and opinions and that's it. they aren't law. do not have to apply to anyone. they're just here as thoughts and theories. that's it.

let's discuss how cooper howard is nothing like a naturally occurring ghoul in the fallout universe.

the first time we meet the ghoul, he's in the ground, and he's let up every year by dom pedro, but he's hooked to the same chem that's in the vials via iv. this directly goes against the general knowledge of natural ghouls being a. highly chem resistant and b. able to go on for at least a few decades without intervention for turning feral. it's important to note that todd howard himself said the show was canon, so that means game lore is in play here.

he called himself a bucket of drugs, which also, doesn't make sense to a naturally occurring ghoul or his personal character motives and development to that point. chem addiction itself is not uncommon in the fallout universe, but if we take his character as a whole. he takes it as it comes, he's a bucket of drugs. we see no indication in his supply that it's a chem addiction. hancock had a chem addiction that started his ghoulification. howard? yeah. no way.

and we have to consider how close he was to the memories of his past life after two hundred years and what he says about torture to lucy. he strung her up and lucy immediately dived into her own memories and personal mission to make him see reason. he immediately brings up studies, and if you look at his face, you can see a whole play of emotions before he said anything. that points in the direction of him having been where she was at some point. on the receiving end of what he perceived as torture.

so, let's say he was an experiment and not the product of continued radiation exposure. that also explains why his reaction was SO BIG to lucy smashing his supply. There is something inherently wrong with his regeneration and degeneration rates to need support beyond maybe radaway/radx on occasion to keep the radiation at a healthier rate? If the radiation were that bad, for him to need chem support so frequently, people would be dropping like flies due to the radiation. we don't see any evidence of that.

in theory, there's more than enough evidence to say he was tested on in a vault (hence why he knew at least janey made it in to one and not where she went after) and he likely wasn't the most willing to go in but did it for his daughter (dad of the century. take notes hank). If they'd separated them under the guise of protocol, he likely would've been more receptive to letting janey go before they went to night night sleep. it would also explain why he asks where the hell they are, because he knows for a fact at least janey is in a vault and likely trusts barb followed her own plan and went in one, too (more on that later. on barb). yes, he hated vault tec. that isn't up for debate. what is up for debate is how far he went to protect his daughter. his memory of where he knew she should be is too clear to indicate he was knocked out at any point. he knows they're in the vaults. that part he doesn't debate. he wouldn't know that unless he put janey in one himself. it would be more likely that he assumed at least she died.

now, what does this have to do with lucy? i'd be kinda hostile if i saw someone in a vault tec suit and i was their pet project, too. let's be clear about that. It's how he tells her he's her and to give it time is what I want to draw on first. we assume he means physically given the constant callback to her checking her radiation levels, but consider he meant mentally. that he too was a product of their design and look at how he turned out. he'd already called it quits with vault tec before the drop to think that kept him bitter. something in what we didn't see has his ire for them even higher.

plus, the name maclean would've triggered some memory. moldaver, too. we saw that. we know he's got a good grip on his mind (another reason the constant chem recall makes no sense in the grand scheme of things). i truly think his initial motive with lucy was to fuck with her because of her connection to vault tec. it was luck and chance she was useful to his personal mission, at least in the beginning.

let's put this naive (not dumb unless it's street smarts, in which she has no experience) girl in front of someone who has been through hell and back and still just wants to find her family. You see he's still capable of humanity (which goes against him being on the edge of turning feral too) because he does, in a way take responsibility for her, covers for her, and at least invites her along later.

nothing about this is to say the relationship can't turn romantic, okay? we aren't discussing that. if you want that for what you're writing, go for it. the room for interpretation is a beautiful thing, but at the very least, he cares enough about her to help her see her mission through to the end, too.

we aren't even going to mention the ghoul organs for sale which really wouldn't do anyone any good unless they're for science and research, which feeds back into the logic that someone is running experiments.

AGAIN ROCKI; TL;DR: all of this is to say that there are inconsistencies in the lore we know about ghouls and cooper howard to say he was a naturally occurring ghoul. his chem dependence leads to inaccuracies of his own cognitive function, and he was likely experimented on. it also explains why dom pedro kept him as he did in it's own way. his chem dependence also makes him unique in terms of a ghoul, and it's my theory that vault tec made him the way that he is.

[scotianostra]

On 26th July 1513 James IV responded to pleas for assistance from France and declared war on England.

While most Scots will know a wee bit about The Battle of Flodden, few will understand the background behind the fateful day for arguably the most succesful of the Stewart Kings, I will fill in a few of the blanks in this longish post.

It wasn’t all Flodden, it only ended up there. The build up to the cataclystic battle began in the years beforehand as James started building his great navy. Yes the Auld Alliance is often used as an excuse to go to war with the English, but other factors also played a hand, not least the that the English Navy had seized two Scottish ships, there was also the case that Scotland was due part of an unpaid dowry for his Queen, Margaret Tudor.

James IV was a flamboyant King, it has been called a Golden age for Scotland by historians, he lavished his wife with gifts, now it might not sound much nowadays, and no disrespect to the town, but he gave her Kilmarnock as a wedding present! They also loved holidays around his Kingdom and in particular James and Margaret enjoyed making music together and listening to professional players.

With that he was also making sure his country was protected and he put together a most impressive navy, two huge ships were at the centre of it, The Great Michael, and the Margaret, the fleet numbered 13 larger ships and they carried an armée de mer (‘army of the sea’) of thousands of troops, about 10 smaller ships sailed with the fleet, and it must have been some sight, about two dozen ships sailing out The Firth of Forth.

James Hamilton, first Earl of Arran, the Kings cousin was admiral of the fleet. James was aboard the Michael as the ships sailed round North Scotland past the Hebrides attacking the English stronghold of Carrickfergus in Ulster. After looting Carrickfergus the Earl of Arran’s fleet returned to Scotland, berthing at the port of Ayr. These events are described by the 16th century Scottish historian George Buchanan in his History of Scotland :

“James, king of Scotland, although he had determined to remain neuter, yet being inclined to favour his ancient ally, resolved to send the fleet, formerly mentioned, as a gift to the French queen, Anne, that it might appear rather as a pledge of friendship, than any assistance for carrying on the war.

…having heard that great preparations were making for a maritime war, James determined to send the fleet, we have mentioned, to Anne immediately, that it might, if possible, arrive there before the war broke out. He appointed James Hamilton, earl of Arran, admiral, and ordered him to sail with the first fair wind ; but Hamilton, a simple kind of man, more acquainted with the arts of peace than of war, either afraid of danger, or through his natural indolence, having delayed to go to France, landed at Carrick-Fergus, a town in Ireland, opposite Galloway, and after pillaging the place, burned it, and set sail for Ayr, a harbour of Kyle in Scotland, as if he had performed a great exploit.”

Less than a month after the royal fleet left the Firth of Forth under the command of the Earl of Arran, King James led a massive invasion of north-east England. The prime military objective of the campaign, the taking of Norham castle, was achieved within a week. In early September the Scottish army moved south, capturing the smaller castles of Etal and Ford before encamping on the summit of Flodden Hill where they faced the army of the Earl of Surrey.

The invasion achieved the wider objective of drawing English forces from northern France. The Earl of Surrey was joined by his son, Lord Thomas Howard, who had returned from France with a force of a thousand men, according to the 16th century Chronicle of Edward Hall. Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie gives a higher figure, narrating how James IV invaded England “for lufe of France” prompting Henry VIII to despatch six thousand of his best men from France to England.

On the 9th of September the Scots moved from the summit of Flodden Hill towards the nearby Branxton Hill in an attempt to deny the English the high ground. The Earl of Surrey had manoeuvred his forces to the foot of Branxton Hill, blocking a northwards retreat back to Scotland and forcing the Scots to fight.

I shall leave it there and pick up the rest in September when we will lament the loss of “The Floo'ers 'o the Forest.

[xinnamonbun]

Got Nostalgic

So I decided to look at some old Inanimate Insanity humanizations I did a couple years back. I'm pretty sure I did these RIGHT when season 3 released. Good times-

(Looks)

...

AAAAAAAAÆ-

Below will be humanizations of: Soap, Bow, Paintbrush, Blueberry, Goo, Cabby, Test Tube, Cherries, Taco, Apple, Fan, Lightbulb, Suitcase, Balloon, Lifering, Microphone, Marshmallow, Nickel, and Yin-Yang

⚠️ WARNING OLD ART ⚠️

Off to a great start...the soap hair tie is almost cute...almost. (also I'd like to mention that I only knew like three types of shoes so you're going to be seeing these once or twice)

It's... Okay. This is one of the better ones we're going to see. Why does she have ballerina shoes???

I was really really bad at drawing guys and was much better at drawing girls (not that that was very good either). Paintbrush being an entirely different thing made me nervous that I was going to make them too masculine or too feminine. I remember being SO proud of myself... And like this one isn't terrible... But why are they wearing ice skates- (they're not supposed to be ice skates but that is NOT lined up)

Not terrible. I think that this still gives Blueberry vibes it's mainly the shoes that are bugging me. But other than that it's not BAD.

I remember one of my cousins called him Caillou, I sobbed... I hate that they were right- I MADE HIM BALD

Did not know how to draw a wheelchairs (still don't but I hope I could do better than THIS) THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE CABBY. END OF STORY. I also don't want to talk about the dress- it's bad

I guess I don't hate this one. I don't love it either. This one is pretty much just "I could believe that's test tube" BUT THERE'S NO SPICE

I had this headcannon that one of the cherries was trans which is why they never spoke because they were self-conscious of their voice. Not the worst head Cannon but I just can't see it anymore. These outfits also just suck. And the return of the ice skates-

This is season 1 Taco specifically and the idea was upon show to hide the hands while having her fancy spy outfit underneath. With the little that you can see of the spy outfit it sucks. The top doesn't look super bad I guess. I also gave her little fangs that I decided to make gray for some reason so they blended into her skin.

I remember this one was my absolute FAVORITE like I thought this was peak character design. It's not that good but at the very least it's definitely the most okay one here... Except for the fact that APPLE'S KNEES ARE LIKE 5/8 DOWN HER LEG- WHO BROKE YOUR LEG?!? Also are those green jeans? Also return of the ice skates.

RONALD MCDONALD!!! IVE FOUND YOUR COUSIN- in case it wasn't clear (it isn't) this is Fan... Excuse me while I bash my head into the wall- WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION?!? AND ON TOP OF THAT WE HAVE ANOTHER CASE OF ICE SKATES- I swear if I see one more ice skate I'm going to lose it-

This is...kinda adorable??? The hair doesn't fit though. I still like the socks.

This one isn't THAT bad, it's just...the nose. The idea of her having a backpack to carry stuff is still cute. And-... Are those. Ice. Skates. (Inhale) AAAAAAAAÆ---

Burn it with fire. I didn't even like this one when I first drew it! I always had plans of redrawing it but I never did. In case you need clarification this is Balloon... In my slight justification for why he's wearing... that. I was originally going to give all of the returning season 3 contestants vacation clothes because they thought they were going on a vacation but I didn't really do this with any of the others so it just looks out of place and ugly.

I saw an ad around the time I drew this that showed a child missing their upper lip. I thought that that would be an interesting design choice for Lifering to to represent the hole in his face. I was correct that it's interesting. It being a good design choice before this art style is a different topic- still like the earring I gave him though.

I hate those fingers. They're so small. I hate it. I remember this was my favorite outfit, and now I don't like it that much. But I guess it's not THAT bad. It's still kinda bad.

This is Marshmallow. I needed to lead with that otherwise you wouldn't know who this is. This is straight up isn't marshmallow. That is some random girl that should not be trusted with hair dye.

This one is just...okay. at least compared to the other ones on this list. It's not the worst. It's DEFINITELY not the best. His hair is... Something. Also the return of the ice skates

This one is honestly just funny to me now. Yin just looks done (I feel you buddy) I really played around with a vitiligo (the reason why they have both pale and dark skin; look it up) and I do like the concept I had of this I just don't think I have the skills at the time to properly pull it off.

Wait...is that it? IM FREEEEEEE-

Bonus: (this was made before season 3 and I only found this because it was one of the reference images for my Bow humanization shown above)

You know what I said about Balloon? I take it back. Burn THIS with fire.

Ok NOW I'm free.

(for the record I give you full permission to bash me in the replies, in fact I encourage it. I'm planning on making redo's of these humanizations with my (hopefully better) art skills. So pointing out things that you didn't like in the previous designs or things that you think would be nice to add are greatly appreciated feedback)

[lightineventide]

Happy birthday to Magali "Maggy" Luyten! Her work is a big inspiration for me (I know that metal music as a whole is, but I'm not immune to having favourites). Especially since I recently found out about her newest band - The Prize. I couldn't finish the whole of this experimental drawing in time like I had wanted, so I'm putting here the first half, hehe. I hope that I've managed to catch a glimpse of that stage presence which has captivated me for years! (Note: I hold a great appreciation for singers that make me wanna sing along Every Time I hear their voice, so that's why I'm currently fangirling more than usual.) I don't own the rights to the reference photo.

Some recommendatons:

With Ayreon - that's the most popular of her works. In the studio album she's featured on only two songs: Liquid Eternity and Ride The Comet, but I strongly recommend checking out her performance in the Ayreon Universe live album (2017) - of the songs Intergalactic Space Crusaders, Star of Sirrah, Everybody Dies and again, Ride The Comet.

Beautiful Sin - I'm not that much of a fan of their album, but that was Magali's first more popular work, I think, and it's definitely not bad at all. Songs recs: Give Up Once For All and Closer To My Heart.

Nightmare - this French band was founded in the 80s and has had different vocalists. Luyten was on the position in 2016's Dead Sun. I don't know if it's the band's best album, but I definitely love it - a classic heavy metal songwriting style, plus, Maggy's voice really shines here, and the production is nice - worth checking out if you like such stuff, in my opinion. Specific song recs: Ikarus, Red Marble & Gold and Starry Skies Gone Black.

The Prize - again, a very classic hard rock/metal approach, with a touch of modernity. I'd say their album (first and only for now, self titled, from 2022) is a collection of the musicians' influences and loved music, overall a not-too-unique but fun and exciting work. I strongly recommend it to anyone who has that specific nostalgic connection to this type of music (I am a person who was raised on rock and metal and I get very excited by only the sound of electric guitars and drums and rockstar-type vocals, so maybe that's why I like it so much). Song mentions: Cirkus (my favourite), Funhouse Mirror, Garden of Bones and Blood Red Ink.

[your-phantomfield]

CARL = CLOVER

i .. ii .. iii circa 2198 for @tokufan400

An older-sibling-esque relationship...

I.

What Carl Clover has had to live through would change anyone. The things he’s seen are the kinds of things one usually can’t find outside of a war zone. In many ways, his experiences have made it impossible for him to relate to others his age.

And considering who was behind the horrors he’s faced, it’s even worse with those older than him.

He knows adults are smarter than him. They know things he doesn’t, they’re able to hide things and lie to your face in ways he never would have imagined two years ago. They can hurt you in ways he couldn’t have made up in his worst nightmares.

So Carl doesn’t take any risks with those older than him. He can’t afford to. Not now- not with Ada depending on him.

II.

Because of this, it isn't easy to get through to Carl. His trust is hard to earn. The walls he puts up get higher in proportion to the age difference between you, and the power difference that creates.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need someone looking out for him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be able to trust again. But to build that relationship with him, you have to be patient.

He keeps his distance by presenting as unfalteringly polite. This chilling formality is how he’s learned to protect himself, how he keeps himself from being tricked or used- so don’t try to push past it. Let him set the pace if you want to get close to him.

Try to treat him like an equal early on. That kind of respect will do more to prove your good intent than anything else could.

III.

He’s had plenty of people start off expressing concern for him, only to turn around and treat Ada like a monster. You have to avoid that if you want to be in his life. Try to be compassionate toward Ada. She may not look it, anymore, but she’s just as much of a traumatized child as he is. She’s worse off, in his opinion- at least he still has his body.

Be honest with him, of course. You’re not going to be able to understand her. Don’t try to pretend to be able to- you’ll do just as much damage by ignoring her ‘condition’ as you would by ignoring her humanity. But do respect what she was, at least, and what she still is to him.

He says she speaks to him. So trust him on that. Ask him to translate for her so that she isn’t left entirely out of conversations, just like you would for a ‘normal’ child with a disabled or speech-impaired sibling.

IV.

Meet him on his own interests. Even before his life was torn apart, Carl was always a little different. Sheltered, shy, oddly mature- being born into aristocracy made him a little… stuffy.

If you want to foster a surrogate sibling relationship with him, keep that in mind. Even in a good mood with his walls down, he might not look like a stereotypical fourteen year old boy. He’s not up to date with memes and doesn’t ‘get’ a lot of them. There may be some video games he’s open to trying, but he is prone to regurgitating that “I was told they rot your mind, we should play a more stimulating game instead” rhetoric. He thinks music with cuss words is pedestrian. (Yeah, this is the kind of kid that calls things “pedestrian.”)

V.

He loves chess, and he’s had no one to play with for a long time. He used to play with Ada, but she’s lost the dexterity to move the pieces; when they’ve tried to play, she ends up knocking the chess board over on accident, drawing attention to just how much they’ve both lost and unfortunately ruining the mood. So play with him. Even if you don’t know how or aren’t very good at it, he likes to teach, and it’s nice to see him have a chance to be all smug about his win streak- a chance to be a normal, bratty kid about something inconsequential.

If you humor him enough, he might be willing to try out some of your ‘more simple’ interests. He’s no good at sports, but as long as you encourage him, he can have fun with things like basketball or volleyball, where movement speed and quick thinking is more important than brute strength.

As for games those ‘brain rotting’ video games, he might never really ‘get’ first person shooters, but story driven games might be up his alley. Get him hooked on some good visual novels or JRPGs, he’ll like them more than he expects to.

VI.

There are actually a lot of hobbies he used to have that he was forced to abandoned after what happened to Ada. He and his sister both played violin, once upon a time. The incident stopped them, each for their own reasons- Ada can’t hold an instrument properly anymore, and Carl doesn’t have the space to be carrying around anything superfluous while living on the road. He used to read a lot, too, but his books had to be abandoned for the same reason as his music; he can’t be carting around a library from city to city.

It would be great if you could help get him back into the things he used to love. Buy or rent a violin for him; he can play it all he wants while he’s in town, and leave it at your place while he’s gone. Keep some books for him, and on occasion, offer to read to him. His sister used to read to him all the time, and he loved it. It’s one of the million things he misses about his old life.

VII.

On that note, invite him into your home, if you can. Whether you’re able to offer him a whole room or only a couch, that stability represents the end of his loneliness. Give him a place to keep his things, a place to return to when he’s about to fall apart, a place where he knows someone is waiting for him.

He’ll never be able to stay; his work is not yet done. So don’t insist. Don’t try to be his parent, don’t try to set curfews or bed times- just be there for him. He’ll come and go as at his as he needs to, but as long as he can trust you to see him off with a smile, he’ll keep coming back.

Whether he’s staying for days and waking up to share breakfast, or showing up at your door unannounced in the middle of a rainy night; give him a place where he’s welcome.

A ‘home base,’ at least, if he’s not yet ready for to accept a ‘home.’

VIII.

Speaking of breakfast. Could you cook for him? Even early in your friendship, before he’s willing to trust you, he’s always open to food. No matter how much he insists on his independence he still needs to eat.

He’s a horrible cook himself, so he hasn’t done the best job keeping himself fed while on the road. When he has money, he can buy himself a meal, but there aren’t a lot of restaurants that will allow him to go in with Ada without making a scene. He’s gone hungry often, and he knows it’s a problem; it weakens him and slows him down as a vigilante, and it worries his sister.

A home-cooked will melt his heart. He’s missed his sister’s cooking so much- this may not be able to make up for that, but it still means the world to him.