#ive had her for at least a year and i draw her more than any other oc lmao

[pcktknife]

Can you tell us about that dessert lady.. who is she i keep seeing her and i love her design so much

i can! this is gwen she is a former princess and a current criminal <3 she is made of cake and magic and is fully carnivorous 👍🏾 she is a terror to anyone who has the misfortune of crossing her path. the fork/knife in her hair are actually lodged into her head but can be removed and they can also combine into a claymore :3c

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[waterfallofspace]

Who are your favorite artists/writers in the community?

I see this one has been going around!! I actually got two, so forgive me for answering only just the one, but thank you both for sending this in!! Absolutely gonna emphasis *favourite*, not best, so I'm CERTAIN I'm gonna miss people that I just haven't seen

Okay so this is gon be a long list, and tagging people is scary so I really apologize if any of you didn't wanna be tagged <3 and I'm certain to miss a few, so if I don't mention you, please know that you're still amazing and it doesn't mean I don't melt to bits at your content!!!~ <3

(also gonna include a few wav makers bc that's honestly an art too!!! and i feel they deserve to be praised for that!!~)

(and gonna copy snzdreams here <3) People I know/Friends:

--- @onetrickponi is an absolute TREASURE, not only so kind and fun, but also genuine triple threat, despite what her name suggests~ --- @zensations35 one of the BIG names on here, at least to me~ someone I've adored for years, such a kind person too!! Not super close, but adore her!~ --- @snzdreams Absolute dear, and SUCH a fun person, and honestly honestly honestly the best g/ojo writer ive ever had the pleasure of reading, girl i stg that closet fic will live with me forever --- @bestwhumpist SOOOOO good!!! and so sweet, i have the honour of calling you a friend and also the honour of enjoying your WORK bc mmm girl yes --- @ithadtobesneezing also one of the sweetest people, so many people on here are so sweet and it makes me insane, and SUCH a good writer, like hello??? hi???? made me fall in love with y/uta i swear --- @6pmsoup AMAZING art like AMAAZZZINNGGG art, looks so good i'd swear it was straight from a manga --- @hachiibun some of my favourite art on this entire site, hachii is not only INSANELY impressive, also so nice!!! genuinely amazing~ --- @goodlucksnez makes some REALLY good wavs, and Vic is also such a kind and fun person!~ --- @ezynse REALLY good fics, personally seen a few a/ce a/ttorney ones making the rounds, but also just a funny and sweet person~ --- @lycheeehehe made this one w/olfwood drawing that made me feel things AND AND AND then also made a list of hcs for t/oji and ik hcs arent what you asked but literally made me insane over this man --- @devilscastle69 THE h/otwings writer on A/03, absolutely go check them out if you like h/otwings, some AMAZING stuff on there!! (also just such a cool person hi <3) --- @themiseryandcompany older fics but SOOO worth it, tasty lil morsels, and also one of my first friends on here!!! so adore her forever <3 --- @snzluv3r hi so honestly this one is so hguahguh for me to admit but some of the hottest wavs on here, and more than that!! literally a sweetheart, SUCH a sweet person!~ <33

People I don't know, but really appreciate:

--- @whiskey-tango-matcha such good stories about their lil guy ocs, they're SO alive and I honestly feel like they're characters from a published media with how much I know them and feel certain of them!! --- @autumnsneezes some of the best wavs (and snzs) that i've heard, absolutely amazing!!~ --- @gemsden some REALLY good content over here, mostly just posts with vague ideas, but some writing too!~ and just sooo good!~ --- @kotyonoksnz literally SUCH amazing art, released a few comics of it, and SPOILED snzblr with a beautiful h/azbin partial one, absolutely incredible art!!

omg this has been SO long im so sorry!! and im so sorry if i missed someone/you, i PROMISE it doesn't mean I don't love your stuff, just means i forgot T-T but I hope the length (and tags) are alright, and thank you for asking non!!~

[malwaredykes]

ma'am give us the catherine boone lore, please i beg of you

well *smiles shyly*

in case its not clear she is Boone the companion in fallout new vegas but after realizing some important things about herself

which is something that started out as just me having this sort of loose “wouldnt it be interesting” idea but then @fallout-lou-begas and i spent days digging into how well this actually fits boone's narrative. boone being an egg i mean. starting from simple things that dont Necessarily have to mean anything but definitely add up, like boone going by last name only, or being the least talkative companion by far (do you not like the sound of your own voice, boone?), all the way to like. the general Long-Unaddressed Dysphoria Hopelessness, the sense of having no future and no autonomy and no power to change anything. there's a lot to go through here but there's just this constant vibe of being a lost cause, of feeling like things can only happen to you as you move through life detached and disconnected and numb, and of not having the words to express any of that, not knowing how much of that can even be put into words or given any meaning or solution, because something is always missing, something big.

so. i think leigh suddenly appearing in boone's life had one hell of an impact. still took boone a long time to understand why and that it was okay for her to “want to be like leigh” and so on. but yeah, ive mentioned before how it adds a whole new layer to the fact that boone just followed this strange woman into the wasteland and became so ride or die for her. and how she felt that she and leigh had been destined to meet. in fact boones dialogue thats like “maybe its you i shouldve been expecting all along”, “i knew i was supposed to follow you the day we met” just kind of hits harder this way Im Not Gonna Lie. like, yeah, narratively in the game its suppose to be about boone's guilt, but... theres this overarching mindset that boone has... similarly to how boone's not liking to talk definitely reads as a neurodivergence thing, but also.... could be more than one reason.. there are Usually complex/multiple causes behind such character-defining idiosyncrasies yknow

i might write/draw something about the moment boone starts to piece things together and Realizes and tells leigh. and even though boone had been shaking like a leaf about the prospect of telling her, leigh is of course very very happy to help her and support her. shes happy she gets to be there for boone and get to know her even better than she already did.

as for the name, honestly catherine just kind of came up. like it just came up and immediately sounded right. she can go by cat and thats very very cute.

overall catherine is like… well shes just very lovable. shes definitely a LOT happier, she actually smiles and laughs, and feels a lot more grounded and present. and hrt makes her look very soft. and she grows her hair out to where its this like, fluffy mullet situation. and leigh falls for her because she already liked boone a whole lot, they were besties/worsties who had seen each other at their lowest and were very comfortable with each other, and seeing cat be this content and radiant and cute… she was Defenseless. Oh, This Lovely Woman Has Been Right In Front Of Me This Whole Time. shes crazy. cat youre gonna get sooooo kissed.

so. yeah. it IS ocXcanon with extra steps. and i love it. i love you cat boone. theres so much to her and so much i could say and so many layers to her new hopes and dreams after so many years of dreary soldier-conditioning dissociated i-am-made-for-a-purpose loneliness. but i wanna convey it properly thru art and writing i think.

[bthump]

What do you think would happen if Griffith not only won the fight, but if the eventuality of his sword straying off the mark and killing Guts, that Griffith considers (and accepts...) before the fight, actually came true? could this be enough to trigger all the events of the Eclipse or do you think he could pick himself up from killing Guts more easily than from being abandoned by him and instead of following the exact same pattern as when Guts leaves, simply become more determined (and more ruthless than ever) to achieve his dream? bonus question: where would Casca be in all this? would she be able to stay by Griffith's side had Guts been killed by him and with seemingly no remorse?

question 2 (im almost done, i promise <3) - had Griffith won without killing Guts (provided Guts didnt try to leave anyway or at least wouldnt manage to sneak out again, since Griffith would probably keep him on a leash afterwards lol), do you think their relationship could still be salvaged or would there be no way for Griffith to forgive him for ever wanting to leave (and no way for Guts to forgive Griffith for forcing him to stay)?

huge fan of all your meta posts, you simply get it, you just get it, and ive been rotating that duel scene and all its possible outcomes in my head to the point of losing my goddamn mind, so. there it is. hope you have a good day!

Thank you! Hope you also have a good day <3 Sorry this took a while to answer, I've been sleepy recently thanks to schedule changes.

What I generally think is that Griffith killing Guts in that duel wouldn't be a behelit-opening event itself, because I feel like there's a reason Griffith had to go through the torture for a year. I definitely think it could also lead to him sleeping with Charlotte and getting caught though, and it would be just as if not more devastating than Guts just leaving, because now Griffith believes that Guts wanted to leave him out of disgust/hatred/resentment/whatever, AND also he just proved him right in the worst way possible.

What I personally envision happening in this scenario is that Griffith gets cold and distant and wraps himself up in his dream to the point of losing all genuine connection with others. He'd also double down on the seeing himself as a monster thing and embody that even more, doing worse and worse things to achieve his goals. Basically becoming Femto and NeoGriffith in spirit, if not literally.

I see this because imo within the griffguts dynamic, Guts basically embodies Griffith's potential to give up his dream and all its associated negative shit like guilt and self loathing, and be emotionally fulfilled without being obsessed with a distant goal. So if Griffith kills him, thematically he's destroying all hope of growing as a person and he can only regress into all his worst traits from there.

As for Casca... this isn't based on any kind of analysis lol, but I think she'd stay for a while and maybe try to draw Griffith's humanity out, but maybe she would leave eventually, falling out of love with Griffith and understanding that even their friendship is over, and wanting distance from him. I don't think she'd hate him for killing Guts, since they're all mercenaries, but I think it would change how she sees him for the worse.

I'd like if she stayed because she has her own emotional investment in the realization of Griffith's dream, or at least her life as a soon to be knighted captain of an army, but unfortunately canonically she is only there because of her feelings for Griffith lol. If I was writing it as a fic though she'd stay because she's got a great life going in Midland, but she'd drift away from Griffith and fall for someone else.

Wrt your second question, I definitely think their relationship could be salvaged, and honestly imo it's a great jumping off point for canon divergence fic. There's drama, there's angst, but there's still potential for a happily ever after. They'd both assume the other hates him, they'd be polite and strained and awkward and only interact professionally, but eventually something could give and they'd realize that they've been in love with each other the entire goddamn time lol. Like if Griffith nearly died for Guts again, eg.

Thanks for the fun questions!

[scotianostra]

On 26th July 1513 James IV responded to pleas for assistance from France and declared war on England.

While most Scots will know a wee bit about The Battle of Flodden, few will understand the background behind the fateful day for arguably the most succesful of the Stewart Kings, I will fill in a few of the blanks in this longish post.

It wasn’t all Flodden, it only ended up there. The build up to the cataclystic battle began in the years beforehand as James started building his great navy. Yes the Auld Alliance is often used as an excuse to go to war with the English, but other factors also played a hand, not least the that the English Navy had seized two Scottish ships, there was also the case that Scotland was due part of an unpaid dowry for his Queen, Margaret Tudor.

James IV was a flamboyant King, it has been called a Golden age for Scotland by historians, he lavished his wife with gifts, now it might not sound much nowadays, and no disrespect to the town, but he gave her Kilmarnock as a wedding present! They also loved holidays around his Kingdom and in particular James and Margaret enjoyed making music together and listening to professional players.

With that he was also making sure his country was protected and he put together a most impressive navy, two huge ships were at the centre of it, The Great Michael, and the Margaret, the fleet numbered 13 larger ships and they carried an armée de mer (‘army of the sea’) of thousands of troops, about 10 smaller ships sailed with the fleet, and it must have been some sight, about two dozen ships sailing out The Firth of Forth.

James Hamilton, first Earl of Arran, the Kings cousin was admiral of the fleet. James was aboard the Michael as the ships sailed round North Scotland past the Hebrides attacking the English stronghold of Carrickfergus in Ulster. After looting Carrickfergus the Earl of Arran’s fleet returned to Scotland, berthing at the port of Ayr. These events are described by the 16th century Scottish historian George Buchanan in his History of Scotland :

“James, king of Scotland, although he had determined to remain neuter, yet being inclined to favour his ancient ally, resolved to send the fleet, formerly mentioned, as a gift to the French queen, Anne, that it might appear rather as a pledge of friendship, than any assistance for carrying on the war.

…having heard that great preparations were making for a maritime war, James determined to send the fleet, we have mentioned, to Anne immediately, that it might, if possible, arrive there before the war broke out. He appointed James Hamilton, earl of Arran, admiral, and ordered him to sail with the first fair wind ; but Hamilton, a simple kind of man, more acquainted with the arts of peace than of war, either afraid of danger, or through his natural indolence, having delayed to go to France, landed at Carrick-Fergus, a town in Ireland, opposite Galloway, and after pillaging the place, burned it, and set sail for Ayr, a harbour of Kyle in Scotland, as if he had performed a great exploit.”

Less than a month after the royal fleet left the Firth of Forth under the command of the Earl of Arran, King James led a massive invasion of north-east England. The prime military objective of the campaign, the taking of Norham castle, was achieved within a week. In early September the Scottish army moved south, capturing the smaller castles of Etal and Ford before encamping on the summit of Flodden Hill where they faced the army of the Earl of Surrey.

The invasion achieved the wider objective of drawing English forces from northern France. The Earl of Surrey was joined by his son, Lord Thomas Howard, who had returned from France with a force of a thousand men, according to the 16th century Chronicle of Edward Hall. Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie gives a higher figure, narrating how James IV invaded England “for lufe of France” prompting Henry VIII to despatch six thousand of his best men from France to England.

On the 9th of September the Scots moved from the summit of Flodden Hill towards the nearby Branxton Hill in an attempt to deny the English the high ground. The Earl of Surrey had manoeuvred his forces to the foot of Branxton Hill, blocking a northwards retreat back to Scotland and forcing the Scots to fight.

I shall leave it there and pick up the rest in September when we will lament the loss of “The Floo'ers 'o the Forest.

[xinnamonbun]

Got Nostalgic

So I decided to look at some old Inanimate Insanity humanizations I did a couple years back. I'm pretty sure I did these RIGHT when season 3 released. Good times-

(Looks)

...

AAAAAAAAÆ-

Below will be humanizations of: Soap, Bow, Paintbrush, Blueberry, Goo, Cabby, Test Tube, Cherries, Taco, Apple, Fan, Lightbulb, Suitcase, Balloon, Lifering, Microphone, Marshmallow, Nickel, and Yin-Yang

⚠️ WARNING OLD ART ⚠️

Off to a great start...the soap hair tie is almost cute...almost. (also I'd like to mention that I only knew like three types of shoes so you're going to be seeing these once or twice)

It's... Okay. This is one of the better ones we're going to see. Why does she have ballerina shoes???

I was really really bad at drawing guys and was much better at drawing girls (not that that was very good either). Paintbrush being an entirely different thing made me nervous that I was going to make them too masculine or too feminine. I remember being SO proud of myself... And like this one isn't terrible... But why are they wearing ice skates- (they're not supposed to be ice skates but that is NOT lined up)

Not terrible. I think that this still gives Blueberry vibes it's mainly the shoes that are bugging me. But other than that it's not BAD.

I remember one of my cousins called him Caillou, I sobbed... I hate that they were right- I MADE HIM BALD

Did not know how to draw a wheelchairs (still don't but I hope I could do better than THIS) THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE CABBY. END OF STORY. I also don't want to talk about the dress- it's bad

I guess I don't hate this one. I don't love it either. This one is pretty much just "I could believe that's test tube" BUT THERE'S NO SPICE

I had this headcannon that one of the cherries was trans which is why they never spoke because they were self-conscious of their voice. Not the worst head Cannon but I just can't see it anymore. These outfits also just suck. And the return of the ice skates-

This is season 1 Taco specifically and the idea was upon show to hide the hands while having her fancy spy outfit underneath. With the little that you can see of the spy outfit it sucks. The top doesn't look super bad I guess. I also gave her little fangs that I decided to make gray for some reason so they blended into her skin.

I remember this one was my absolute FAVORITE like I thought this was peak character design. It's not that good but at the very least it's definitely the most okay one here... Except for the fact that APPLE'S KNEES ARE LIKE 5/8 DOWN HER LEG- WHO BROKE YOUR LEG?!? Also are those green jeans? Also return of the ice skates.

RONALD MCDONALD!!! IVE FOUND YOUR COUSIN- in case it wasn't clear (it isn't) this is Fan... Excuse me while I bash my head into the wall- WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION?!? AND ON TOP OF THAT WE HAVE ANOTHER CASE OF ICE SKATES- I swear if I see one more ice skate I'm going to lose it-

This is...kinda adorable??? The hair doesn't fit though. I still like the socks.

This one isn't THAT bad, it's just...the nose. The idea of her having a backpack to carry stuff is still cute. And-... Are those. Ice. Skates. (Inhale) AAAAAAAAÆ---

Burn it with fire. I didn't even like this one when I first drew it! I always had plans of redrawing it but I never did. In case you need clarification this is Balloon... In my slight justification for why he's wearing... that. I was originally going to give all of the returning season 3 contestants vacation clothes because they thought they were going on a vacation but I didn't really do this with any of the others so it just looks out of place and ugly.

I saw an ad around the time I drew this that showed a child missing their upper lip. I thought that that would be an interesting design choice for Lifering to to represent the hole in his face. I was correct that it's interesting. It being a good design choice before this art style is a different topic- still like the earring I gave him though.

I hate those fingers. They're so small. I hate it. I remember this was my favorite outfit, and now I don't like it that much. But I guess it's not THAT bad. It's still kinda bad.

This is Marshmallow. I needed to lead with that otherwise you wouldn't know who this is. This is straight up isn't marshmallow. That is some random girl that should not be trusted with hair dye.

This one is just...okay. at least compared to the other ones on this list. It's not the worst. It's DEFINITELY not the best. His hair is... Something. Also the return of the ice skates

This one is honestly just funny to me now. Yin just looks done (I feel you buddy) I really played around with a vitiligo (the reason why they have both pale and dark skin; look it up) and I do like the concept I had of this I just don't think I have the skills at the time to properly pull it off.

Wait...is that it? IM FREEEEEEE-

Bonus: (this was made before season 3 and I only found this because it was one of the reference images for my Bow humanization shown above)

You know what I said about Balloon? I take it back. Burn THIS with fire.

Ok NOW I'm free.

(for the record I give you full permission to bash me in the replies, in fact I encourage it. I'm planning on making redo's of these humanizations with my (hopefully better) art skills. So pointing out things that you didn't like in the previous designs or things that you think would be nice to add are greatly appreciated feedback)

[lightineventide]

Happy birthday to Magali "Maggy" Luyten! Her work is a big inspiration for me (I know that metal music as a whole is, but I'm not immune to having favourites). Especially since I recently found out about her newest band - The Prize. I couldn't finish the whole of this experimental drawing in time like I had wanted, so I'm putting here the first half, hehe. I hope that I've managed to catch a glimpse of that stage presence which has captivated me for years! (Note: I hold a great appreciation for singers that make me wanna sing along Every Time I hear their voice, so that's why I'm currently fangirling more than usual.) I don't own the rights to the reference photo.

Some recommendatons:

With Ayreon - that's the most popular of her works. In the studio album she's featured on only two songs: Liquid Eternity and Ride The Comet, but I strongly recommend checking out her performance in the Ayreon Universe live album (2017) - of the songs Intergalactic Space Crusaders, Star of Sirrah, Everybody Dies and again, Ride The Comet.

Beautiful Sin - I'm not that much of a fan of their album, but that was Magali's first more popular work, I think, and it's definitely not bad at all. Songs recs: Give Up Once For All and Closer To My Heart.

Nightmare - this French band was founded in the 80s and has had different vocalists. Luyten was on the position in 2016's Dead Sun. I don't know if it's the band's best album, but I definitely love it - a classic heavy metal songwriting style, plus, Maggy's voice really shines here, and the production is nice - worth checking out if you like such stuff, in my opinion. Specific song recs: Ikarus, Red Marble & Gold and Starry Skies Gone Black.

The Prize - again, a very classic hard rock/metal approach, with a touch of modernity. I'd say their album (first and only for now, self titled, from 2022) is a collection of the musicians' influences and loved music, overall a not-too-unique but fun and exciting work. I strongly recommend it to anyone who has that specific nostalgic connection to this type of music (I am a person who was raised on rock and metal and I get very excited by only the sound of electric guitars and drums and rockstar-type vocals, so maybe that's why I like it so much). Song mentions: Cirkus (my favourite), Funhouse Mirror, Garden of Bones and Blood Red Ink.

[okiedokiegoosey]

theories w/ rocki bc @caterva told me to put it on the dash:

today's edition: cooper howard is not a naturally occurring ghoul.

i am pointedly putting this on lucy and not barb because we're going to talk about how it affects lucy and cooper's interactions. i may expand upon it on barb later. under the cut bc i am long winded and do not want to clog your dash with my cooper was an experiment theory.

disclaimer: these are my thoughts and opinions and that's it. they aren't law. do not have to apply to anyone. they're just here as thoughts and theories. that's it.

let's discuss how cooper howard is nothing like a naturally occurring ghoul in the fallout universe.

the first time we meet the ghoul, he's in the ground, and he's let up every year by dom pedro, but he's hooked to the same chem that's in the vials via iv. this directly goes against the general knowledge of natural ghouls being a. highly chem resistant and b. able to go on for at least a few decades without intervention for turning feral. it's important to note that todd howard himself said the show was canon, so that means game lore is in play here.

he called himself a bucket of drugs, which also, doesn't make sense to a naturally occurring ghoul or his personal character motives and development to that point. chem addiction itself is not uncommon in the fallout universe, but if we take his character as a whole. he takes it as it comes, he's a bucket of drugs. we see no indication in his supply that it's a chem addiction. hancock had a chem addiction that started his ghoulification. howard? yeah. no way.

and we have to consider how close he was to the memories of his past life after two hundred years and what he says about torture to lucy. he strung her up and lucy immediately dived into her own memories and personal mission to make him see reason. he immediately brings up studies, and if you look at his face, you can see a whole play of emotions before he said anything. that points in the direction of him having been where she was at some point. on the receiving end of what he perceived as torture.

so, let's say he was an experiment and not the product of continued radiation exposure. that also explains why his reaction was SO BIG to lucy smashing his supply. There is something inherently wrong with his regeneration and degeneration rates to need support beyond maybe radaway/radx on occasion to keep the radiation at a healthier rate? If the radiation were that bad, for him to need chem support so frequently, people would be dropping like flies due to the radiation. we don't see any evidence of that.

in theory, there's more than enough evidence to say he was tested on in a vault (hence why he knew at least janey made it in to one and not where she went after) and he likely wasn't the most willing to go in but did it for his daughter (dad of the century. take notes hank). If they'd separated them under the guise of protocol, he likely would've been more receptive to letting janey go before they went to night night sleep. it would also explain why he asks where the hell they are, because he knows for a fact at least janey is in a vault and likely trusts barb followed her own plan and went in one, too (more on that later. on barb). yes, he hated vault tec. that isn't up for debate. what is up for debate is how far he went to protect his daughter. his memory of where he knew she should be is too clear to indicate he was knocked out at any point. he knows they're in the vaults. that part he doesn't debate. he wouldn't know that unless he put janey in one himself. it would be more likely that he assumed at least she died.

now, what does this have to do with lucy? i'd be kinda hostile if i saw someone in a vault tec suit and i was their pet project, too. let's be clear about that. It's how he tells her he's her and to give it time is what I want to draw on first. we assume he means physically given the constant callback to her checking her radiation levels, but consider he meant mentally. that he too was a product of their design and look at how he turned out. he'd already called it quits with vault tec before the drop to think that kept him bitter. something in what we didn't see has his ire for them even higher.

plus, the name maclean would've triggered some memory. moldaver, too. we saw that. we know he's got a good grip on his mind (another reason the constant chem recall makes no sense in the grand scheme of things). i truly think his initial motive with lucy was to fuck with her because of her connection to vault tec. it was luck and chance she was useful to his personal mission, at least in the beginning.

let's put this naive (not dumb unless it's street smarts, in which she has no experience) girl in front of someone who has been through hell and back and still just wants to find her family. You see he's still capable of humanity (which goes against him being on the edge of turning feral too) because he does, in a way take responsibility for her, covers for her, and at least invites her along later.

nothing about this is to say the relationship can't turn romantic, okay? we aren't discussing that. if you want that for what you're writing, go for it. the room for interpretation is a beautiful thing, but at the very least, he cares enough about her to help her see her mission through to the end, too.

we aren't even going to mention the ghoul organs for sale which really wouldn't do anyone any good unless they're for science and research, which feeds back into the logic that someone is running experiments.

AGAIN ROCKI; TL;DR: all of this is to say that there are inconsistencies in the lore we know about ghouls and cooper howard to say he was a naturally occurring ghoul. his chem dependence leads to inaccuracies of his own cognitive function, and he was likely experimented on. it also explains why dom pedro kept him as he did in it's own way. his chem dependence also makes him unique in terms of a ghoul, and it's my theory that vault tec made him the way that he is.

[your-phantomfield]

CARL = CLOVER

i .. ii .. iii circa 2198 for @tokufan400

An older-sibling-esque relationship...

I.

What Carl Clover has had to live through would change anyone. The things he’s seen are the kinds of things one usually can’t find outside of a war zone. In many ways, his experiences have made it impossible for him to relate to others his age.

And considering who was behind the horrors he’s faced, it’s even worse with those older than him.

He knows adults are smarter than him. They know things he doesn’t, they’re able to hide things and lie to your face in ways he never would have imagined two years ago. They can hurt you in ways he couldn’t have made up in his worst nightmares.

So Carl doesn’t take any risks with those older than him. He can’t afford to. Not now- not with Ada depending on him.

II.

Because of this, it isn't easy to get through to Carl. His trust is hard to earn. The walls he puts up get higher in proportion to the age difference between you, and the power difference that creates.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need someone looking out for him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be able to trust again. But to build that relationship with him, you have to be patient.

He keeps his distance by presenting as unfalteringly polite. This chilling formality is how he’s learned to protect himself, how he keeps himself from being tricked or used- so don’t try to push past it. Let him set the pace if you want to get close to him.

Try to treat him like an equal early on. That kind of respect will do more to prove your good intent than anything else could.

III.

He’s had plenty of people start off expressing concern for him, only to turn around and treat Ada like a monster. You have to avoid that if you want to be in his life. Try to be compassionate toward Ada. She may not look it, anymore, but she’s just as much of a traumatized child as he is. She’s worse off, in his opinion- at least he still has his body.

Be honest with him, of course. You’re not going to be able to understand her. Don’t try to pretend to be able to- you’ll do just as much damage by ignoring her ‘condition’ as you would by ignoring her humanity. But do respect what she was, at least, and what she still is to him.

He says she speaks to him. So trust him on that. Ask him to translate for her so that she isn’t left entirely out of conversations, just like you would for a ‘normal’ child with a disabled or speech-impaired sibling.

IV.

Meet him on his own interests. Even before his life was torn apart, Carl was always a little different. Sheltered, shy, oddly mature- being born into aristocracy made him a little… stuffy.

If you want to foster a surrogate sibling relationship with him, keep that in mind. Even in a good mood with his walls down, he might not look like a stereotypical fourteen year old boy. He’s not up to date with memes and doesn’t ‘get’ a lot of them. There may be some video games he’s open to trying, but he is prone to regurgitating that “I was told they rot your mind, we should play a more stimulating game instead” rhetoric. He thinks music with cuss words is pedestrian. (Yeah, this is the kind of kid that calls things “pedestrian.”)

V.

He loves chess, and he’s had no one to play with for a long time. He used to play with Ada, but she’s lost the dexterity to move the pieces; when they’ve tried to play, she ends up knocking the chess board over on accident, drawing attention to just how much they’ve both lost and unfortunately ruining the mood. So play with him. Even if you don’t know how or aren’t very good at it, he likes to teach, and it’s nice to see him have a chance to be all smug about his win streak- a chance to be a normal, bratty kid about something inconsequential.

If you humor him enough, he might be willing to try out some of your ‘more simple’ interests. He’s no good at sports, but as long as you encourage him, he can have fun with things like basketball or volleyball, where movement speed and quick thinking is more important than brute strength.

As for games those ‘brain rotting’ video games, he might never really ‘get’ first person shooters, but story driven games might be up his alley. Get him hooked on some good visual novels or JRPGs, he’ll like them more than he expects to.

VI.

There are actually a lot of hobbies he used to have that he was forced to abandoned after what happened to Ada. He and his sister both played violin, once upon a time. The incident stopped them, each for their own reasons- Ada can’t hold an instrument properly anymore, and Carl doesn’t have the space to be carrying around anything superfluous while living on the road. He used to read a lot, too, but his books had to be abandoned for the same reason as his music; he can’t be carting around a library from city to city.

It would be great if you could help get him back into the things he used to love. Buy or rent a violin for him; he can play it all he wants while he’s in town, and leave it at your place while he’s gone. Keep some books for him, and on occasion, offer to read to him. His sister used to read to him all the time, and he loved it. It’s one of the million things he misses about his old life.

VII.

On that note, invite him into your home, if you can. Whether you’re able to offer him a whole room or only a couch, that stability represents the end of his loneliness. Give him a place to keep his things, a place to return to when he’s about to fall apart, a place where he knows someone is waiting for him.

He’ll never be able to stay; his work is not yet done. So don’t insist. Don’t try to be his parent, don’t try to set curfews or bed times- just be there for him. He’ll come and go as at his as he needs to, but as long as he can trust you to see him off with a smile, he’ll keep coming back.

Whether he’s staying for days and waking up to share breakfast, or showing up at your door unannounced in the middle of a rainy night; give him a place where he’s welcome.

A ‘home base,’ at least, if he’s not yet ready for to accept a ‘home.’

VIII.

Speaking of breakfast. Could you cook for him? Even early in your friendship, before he’s willing to trust you, he’s always open to food. No matter how much he insists on his independence he still needs to eat.

He’s a horrible cook himself, so he hasn’t done the best job keeping himself fed while on the road. When he has money, he can buy himself a meal, but there aren’t a lot of restaurants that will allow him to go in with Ada without making a scene. He’s gone hungry often, and he knows it’s a problem; it weakens him and slows him down as a vigilante, and it worries his sister.

A home-cooked will melt his heart. He’s missed his sister’s cooking so much- this may not be able to make up for that, but it still means the world to him.

[sailorshadzter]

some modern jonsa that i was inspired to write after seeing a word prompt list ive since lost since i didnt reblog it lol

tw: domestic violence mention

tbh i had every intention of writing more for this but realized ive written this same plot line too many times & it turned me off from finishing it any further lol

ANYWAYS

His phone rings, an unfamiliar number flashing across the screen. 

At once he knows, somehow, within the depths of his mind just who would be on the other end of that call. He reaches, thumb clicking the green button, putting the phone to his ear. “Hello?” He says, but the only response is a small, yet sharp intake of air, then the blare of the dial tone. His hand falls back to his side, phone gripped tightly in his palm- he thinks for a moment he might move on, a wrong number perhaps, but his heart twists and he knows. 

So he pulls it back upwards, clicking the number and listening as the ringing begins once more.

She gasps, the phone she holds lighting up, the number she’d only just dialed a few moments ago flashing on the screen, calling her back. Her heart skips a beat, a tremor of fear rushing the length of her spine, but she steels her heart against it and answers the call. “Jon…?” 

Jon… 

The voice is familiar, despite the time that’s passed since he last heard it. “Sansa…” he greets softly, gray eyes closing for a long, silent moment. “It’s been a long time,” he continues, perhaps with a sharper tone than he intends, opening his eyes so he might stare at the single photo he keeps on the table beside his couch- it’s from five summers back, when Robb had been alive and his time was so often spent with the Stark family that he was usually mistaken for just another of their many children. 

She knew this was a mistake. 

It’s been nearly three years since she last saw Jon, since she even spoke to him, let alone saw him, so why would he want to talk to her now? Besides… It wasn’t like he’d tried to call, either, at least not recently. “I know,” she says, holding onto whatever bravery is left in her heart. “I’m sorry.”

Her voice breaks over the syllables of apology and something tells Jon that this nine o’clock call on a Tuesday night isn’t just to catch up. “Sansa… What is it?” He softens now, empty hand tightening into a fist at his side, his mind whirring with every possibility. 

On the other end, Sansa steps into the bathroom, flipping on the light so she can stare into the mirror. The face that stares back at her is one she almost doesn’t recognize, not with the bruises and the tears, the eyes haunted by what’s been done. She shudders, closing her eyes for another moment more, wishing she could find the words to say to him. “I… I need help.” She finally says, softly, brokenly, a fresh tear falling down her face. 

The silence that falls lasts all of twenty seconds before he speaks. 

“I’ll be there tomorrow.” 

[ x x x ]

When his truck pulls into the driveway, she’s already at the door.

She slips out the front door so she can stand there on the front steps, watching as he climbs from his truck and makes his way up the drive, looking quite like a man that’s drove all night long to get to her side. Her heart skips a beat as he climbs up the two steps to stand on the porch, his familiar gray eyes sweeping her up and down. “Sansa…” He says her name in such a way that her knees buckle and he’s reaching for her then, embracing her as he’s only done once or twice before. He’s warm and smells like shitty gas station coffee and cigarettes- he still stress smokes, it would seem. 

“Come in…” Is all she says, drawing away and returning inside, holding the door open for him to come in after her. 

They stand there in the foyer for a long moment, he merely staring at her, words unable to form on his lips. He swallows, hesitantly reaching a hand out, fingertips trailing along her swollen lower lip, across the ugly bruise that stains her ivory skin black and blue. “When?” He asks, tight lipped and somber, a look in his eyes that she’s never seen before. 

“Yesterday…” She admits softly. “Right before I called you.”

Jon nods, taking in the information; he was who she called in her most desperate time of need. “Is it the first time?” He asks next and when she hesitates to answer, he knows it isn’t. “Where is he now?” His next question comes, palm cradling her cheek, his heart thumping so loudly he imagines she must be able to hear it plain as day. 

“I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “Maybe his parents house, maybe his flat,” she hasn’t seen nor heard from Joffrey since he stormed out of her place the day before. But, she knows it won’t last- he’ll return home eventually, perhaps with a huge bouquet of flowers, or perhaps a diamond tennis bracelet. Anything he can buy to get her to accept his apology, his tears and promises always enough to convince her that it would never happen again. “He has a place over by the University.” She pulls away, but Jon reaches for her hand, keeping her there. “Jon…” She begins, but sighs, shaking her head. “Thank you for coming.” 

 “I’m glad you called me…” Jon tilts his head and chuckles softly, drawing her back in for a tight embrace.

She will be safe from now on. 

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twelve

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn't know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 1, 2018 los angeles, california orion

My moms come up from San Diego for my first chemotherapy appointment. While I’m grateful that they’re here, I hate that they’re just another group of people who want me to tell Calum. Emelia is working today. She had offered to take the day off, but since my moms are here, I figured she should go to work.

“Honey, do you need us to take Duke while you’re getting treatment?” Mama asks.

I sigh, not wanting to think about yet another round of logistics. I feel like I’m having to rearrange my entire life because of the diagnosis and Cal being on tour. Granted, I don’t even know how much of my life is worth getting into order. Does it really matter if I take my classes if I’m going to be dead in a year or two? Taking care of Duke does matter, of course, but he’s not a very active dog and I want him here while I’m living alone temporarily.

“No, I can keep him here. He’s already got a lot of changes with Calum gone,” I tell her. She nods.

“Of course. Let us know if you change your mind, okay?”

I nod.

We get ready to leave, prepping a cold bottle of water for me to have, along with a box of crackers and a bottle of fruit punch Gatorade. In the pamphlet that Dr. Harris gave me about my chemotherapy drug, it mentioned that I’d likely be nauseous after receiving the IV of the essentially poisonous fluid. I don’t think that they’ll do much to remedy the discomfort, but I want to at least try to dispel the symptoms.

Mom and Mama insist that I also bring a sweatshirt in case I get cold, and I just do what they say. I am not in the mood to debate anything with them. I bring one of Cal’s to have a piece of him with me at the hospital. It’s not the same as having him there to support me, but it’s the closest I’ll get to it.

We drive the short distance to the hospital. My appointment is at 9:00, but they’d woken up super early to be able to pick me up and take me to the appointment. I got a text from Calum at 3 am when they landed in Tokyo and I’m so thankful he didn’t call like he’d promised. I would’ve woken up and I’m already exhausted as it is. The chemo is about to make it all worse.

I check in at the same desk that I’d come to before, but this time I don’t see Russell. A young, pretty blonde nurse calls me back instead and she explains that they’re doing more tests to provide a baseline while we track the chemo’s progress over the next few months. The tests include another blood draw, and they let me lay down, but this time I don’t pass out thankfully. Once the initial dizziness wears off, we walk down the hallway into another room, but this one is far larger.

There are several sterile-looking arm chairs, some of which have patients sitting in them already, an IV hooked up to them. I am sad when I see the youngest patient is a boy who can’t be more than 9, bald, hooked up to the chemo transfusion, and reading a Magic Treehouse book. He's so young and he's already received a death sentence: a cancer diagnosis.

The blonde nurse directs me to my own chair, which has a table next to it that has a “WELCOME, ORION” sign and a bottle of apple juice and a pack of cookies. Wow, way to make a girl feel special while she's dying.

I take a seat in my chair, and my moms stay right in front of me, even though they have chairs available for guests very much available. Maybe I get it from them — the inability to accept help. I can't imagine that they'll stand there the whole time. We're supposed to be here pretty much all day.

Another nurse comes over with a cart of medical supplies. She's older, around my moms' age, and she greets us with a 'good morning' that I just ignore. It's not a good morning.

"Let's get you started. Any questions?" She's already grabbing my arm and wiping it with a disinfecting cloth, prepping it for an IV. The thought of an IV gives me chills, so I try not to stare as she puts it in and then hooks me up to the drip of the chemotherapy drug. I don't want to think about it.

"No questions," I tell the nurse.

She smiles at me and hands me a remote. "Press this if you have any issues. I'll be back in a moment to check on you."

I try to look anywhere except for the bend in my arm where she just inserted my IV. Mom opens her mouth to say something right as my phone starts to ring. It's Calum.

"Hello?" I answer instantly. I've been waiting to hear his voice. I know it's some ungodly early hour in Tokyo, but I'm sure he's got a completely messed up sleep schedule right now, and that won't be changing for a few weeks until they're consistently in the same time zone for a few days.

"Hi baby," Cal's tired voice comes through my speaker.

"How was the flight?"

My moms mouth to me that they're going to go grab coffee and I nod, appreciating the chance to talk to Cal without them eavesdropping.

"Long and boring. Ash kept snoring for most of it." He sounds so tired. I've never understood how they could tour like they do. The different time zones, constant busy-ness, late nights... it's exhausting.

"I'm sorry."

Cal laughs. "Don't be sorry, you had absolutely nothing to do with it. How are you? What are you doing today?"

My breath catches in my throat. I have to lie again. My stomach sinks and I feel guilty all over again, but I don't have time to dwell on that. I have to tell him something. "My moms are here. Probably just gonna take a short hike and get some food, maybe go to a museum."

I feel like I can hear him frown. "I wish they'd come before I left! I've not seen them in forever. Let them know I say hi?"

I nod even though he can't see me. "Yeah, of course. I'm sorry I didn't think to invite them up to see us before. My brain has kinda been mush lately."

"I know, it's okay. I'm excited to spend Thanksgiving with them again, though," he says. Last year we did Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his, since Thanksgiving isn't exactly a thing in Australia. We were talking about hosting his parents and Mali here in LA this year, but we hadn't finalized that yet.

"Yeah, that'll be good."

"Hey," Calum says, which makes me laugh. Why is he greeting me again in the middle of our conversation?

"Hey?" I reply, asking it as a question.

"We're one day closer to me coming home."

I smile at the prospect of having him back home and by my side. "Yeah, what is it? A couple of months ‘til you're in San Diego?" I think I'll still be getting treatment, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to cover my tracks with him being so close to home, but I try to focus on getting through things the way they are right now. He will be home for good in November. I can make it to November.

"Yep, two months. It's October 2nd. Oh! Maybe your whole family can come to the show! Would your moms let Eri come even if it's a school night?" His mention of bringing my brother to the show is cute. My little brother absolutely adores Calum. Actually, my entire family is obsessed with him, and I don't blame them.

"Maybe, I'll have to ask." I know for a fact that they would let Eri come to a show, regardless of date or time, but I'm leery to make any kind of promises at this point.

“Just let me know, I’ll put whoever on the list.”

“Yeah, for sure. How’s Japan? How’s everyone else? I wanna hear all about it.”

Cal then dives into the rundown of their arrival to Japan and going through customs, meeting fans at the airport and finally getting to the hotel. He said Matt is already tired of them, but, to be fair, Matt was tired of them after two days of rehearsals. Ash said that Kay’s grandma is back at home, so I won’t be running into her at the hospital. It hasn’t been a full day since they left but I feel like so much has happened. Hooked up to this IV, my cancer feels so much more real.

“I’m getting sleepy again, so I can let you go. Just wanted to hear your voice.” He yawns and I can only imagine how tired he looks. I'm tired too.

“Of course,” I say. “Sweet dreams. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll text you when I wake up again.”

We hang up — I’m not sure which one of us does it first or if we do it at the same time, but it seems like the silence comes instantly. The moment my phone goes quiet, I realize just how freezing I am. I remember the sweatshirt my moms made me bring and pull it out of. my tote bag that's on the floor, just as the two sympathetically smiling faces appear in front of me again.

They're carrying Starbucks cups from the food court, a third one in their hands that I presume is for me.

"We got you some mint tea — it's supposed to be great for nausea," Mama says, handing me the hot cup.

"Thank you," I say, wrapping my freezing fingers around the warmth of the tea.

"How's Calum? He's in Japan first, right?" Mom asks. She ignores the chair that's next to me that she could sit in, instead choosing to squat in front of me with her iced coffee in hand.

I nod and take a sip of my tea. I've always loved mint tea. Cal and I seemed to have a cup almost every night for the first few months of us living together. "Yeah, Japan. He's tired, but he'll be tired for a while."

Mom sets a hand on my knee. "So will you." She's right. I'm about to be drained and exhausted and sick and miserable. She smiles sadly at me.

Just like the drip in my IV, the next few hours go incredibly slowly. I'm so cold the entire time, the staff have to bring me a blanket, and I note mentally to bring one with me next week. My moms were prepared and both brought books to read, one of which they end up giving to me. Scrolling on my phone got old quickly, but I found some photos of Cal and the boys arriving in Japan and enjoyed that.

Once I'm done with my first full bag of the chemo drug, we get to leave. Walking out of the hospital and back into the sunshine is jarring, and I'm still cold, even though it's still very warm outside. My moms drive me back home, but once I'm back in the apartment, they have to leave to drive back to San Diego so they can have dinner with my brother. He'd been at a friend's house all day while they were here.

They offer to order me a pizza or something for dinner, but Emelia and I are planning on hanging out tonight. I know I won't feel well, but Em just wants to be there for me in case I need anything. She'll probably stay the night, too. It won't be as comforting as having Calum, but I will gladly take the company.

A few hours pass while I'm alone, and the nausea sets in quickly. I text Emi and ask her to bring food, even though the thought of eating makes me feel worse. I know I need to eat. I don't specify what she should bring, because nothing sounds good. She just says she'll be here in thirty minutes.

I text Calum in the meantime.

To: bass boy 💕 hi my love hope you're getting some beauty sleep i know i said don't bring me anything but actually can you bring me some kind of Japanese snacks pls i will love you forever and ever and ever i mean i'll do that anyway but i do want some snacks ignore me til you're awake was just thinking and thought of it and wanted to ask hehe oh and i know it's not til the v end but can you pretty pretty pretty please buy me chocolate special k in europe i will remind you dw

I think I've successfully pretended things are normal, and I do desperately miss the Special K in Europe.

A knock on the door is timed perfectly with the end of my texting spree, and I know it's Emelia, hopefully with food.

"It's open!" I yell out, not wanting to move from my comfy spot on the couch.

I hear the door opening and closing, followed by some echoed footsteps, and then Emelia is standing in the living room. She has on her work clothes — black leggings and t-shirt, nonslip shoes on her feet. She's not wearing the hat that they make her wear anymore, but her hair is still up in a messy ponytail.

"Hi, how ya feelin'?" She asks. She also holds up the bag of food she brought. It's the ramen from the place that's pretty close to here that I love.

"Pretty shitty, but I know it's only going to get worse."

Em frowns. "Well, have no fear. I brought ramen, and we can watch Girl Meets World all night."

My jaw drops. Everyone in my life knows how much I love Girl Meets World but judges me for liking a kids' show so much, so no one ever watches it with me. She really is such a good friend, willingly watching something that she knows will make me feel better.

"I love you," I tell her.

Then, she smiles, takes off her shoes, and puts the food on the coffee table, disappearing for a minute. When she comes back, she has glasses of water, napkins, and silverware. Emelia plops onto the couch next to me and takes the ramen out of the bag, setting it up for us.

"I got the curry and the mushroom," she explains. "I wasn't sure which you'd want today. I'm fine with whatever you don't want."

Both are normally delicious, but neither sounds appealing right now. The mushroom broth is lighter, so I go with that, thinking if nothing else, I can just sip the broth.

After a few hours of watching TV and pretending to eat my ramen, I suddenly feel Emelia's eyes on me. She's got a thoughtful look on her face, and I don't know what it is.

"What's wrong?"

She shakes her head. "Sorry, was just thinking. Do you know if you're going to lose your hair?"

I gulp. I'd looked into it. It depends largely on which form of chemo you're on, but also, it comes down to luck. "The drug I'm on is one that doesn't usually cause it, but there's still a chance I might."

Emelia nods, thinking. "Do you want to get a wig? Just in case."

I'd thought about it, but wigs that actually look nice are very expensive. Medical bills are already racking up, and my moms are going to help me, but it's a lot. "No, I think I'll just cross that bridge if I get to it."

"Do you want to cut your hair?"

It's relevant, but it catches me by surprise. I hadn't thought about that. I might lose my hair, but I've had long hair for so long. I've not cut it much shorter in so long. I'm also... dying. Why do I need to have long hair until I die? Why can't I change it up?

Isn't that what life is all about? Doing fun things?

I turn to her. "Let's do it."

I stand up and head straight for the kitchen, grabbing scissors from our junk drawer. I then go into the bathroom, switching on the lights. Emelia joins me soon after I start tying my hair into four sections, aligning the elastics at the same level, halfway between my chin and my shoulders.

Emelia doesn't say anything, she just smiles at me through the mirror and watches while I begin to saw off my hair. I don't know why I'm making such a sudden, big decision, but I've chopped a full ponytail off already, so there's no going back. Leave it to leukemia to stop me from overthinking every piece of my life.

Once I've cut off all the length, I take off the elastics holding everything together and have Emelia help me even everything out. It's not perfect, but if I'm about to lose it, it doesn't matter. If I don't lose it, I'll go see a hairdresser to fix it.

"OK, let me take a picture and then I need to go lay back down.

I take a mirror selfie, covering my face with my phone, just showing the lack of hair cascading over my green sweatshirt. I send it to Cal while I trudge back to the couch, flopping face-first onto the mountain of throw pillows and blankets.

"Want some Tums? Or Pepto?" Em asks.

"No," I groan. Why did cutting my hair suck all of the energy out of me?

"You okay?"

"No."

Em chuckles, and I feel the couch sink slightly as she sits next to me. "Can I get you anything?"

"A new body?"

She snorts. "Can't do that, sorry."

I let out a pained sigh, turning my head so it's not face down on the fuzzy blanket. "Thank you for being here."

"You have to stop thanking me. I know you'd be the first person holding my hand and bringing me food if it was me."

She's right. I'd probably let her move into our place so I could take care of her as much as she'd let me. I don't think she'd take me up on the offer to move in, but there'd undoubtedly be an offer. I'd do anything for her.

"I think I'm gonna sleep," I announce. My phone buzzes several times in my pocket. Hoping it's Calum, I pull it out.

From: bass boy 💕 UM EXCUSE ME MADAM YOU CANNOT JUST SPRING THIS ON ME IT LOOKS SO GOOD GOOD MF MORNING TO ME MY GIRLFRIEND IS A GODDESS can't wait to see it in person <3 and 1000% will get you snacks and special k anything for you

read next chapter

a/n: hi hi hi sorry sorry it's been a lil bit have been slowly working on this chapter :)

[lepoppeta]

Are there any role swaps or personality swaps in the hellaverse you think would be fun? Or even an improvement on each characters canon story

swaps in general have always been enjoyable from a storytelling perspective, at least for me. how much would the story change if this character was here instead? or if their job was different? their personality? its very fascinating.

that being said i dont think a swap is necessarily an improvement, especially when it comes to something as controversial as the hellaverse (im interpreting this as hazbin hotel and helluva boss combined). the characters as they are now are completely workable on their own, but their effectiveness relies solely on whos handling them. DISCLAIMER — im not saying im the best person to do that. a lot of the changes i think about for hazbin and helluva are just that, changes, rather that outright swaps.

starting at the basic level, i think one of the most approachable swaps is for hazbin hotel, and its simply imagining how the pilot/comic/beta personalities and occupations of the characters would affect the story as it is now. alastor is a great example of this — in the current series hes a narcissist whos pettier, more insecure, and less powerful that he lets on; in the pilot/comic he channels more of a hannibal lecter energy, where he doesnt actively go looking for fights and will leave you alone and even treat you nicely if you do the same to him; in his beta/zoophobia iteration, he comes across as much younger — a barely-there twenty-something (probably younger, honestly — he has the energy of a 13 year old with delusions of grandeur) whos content with being an edgy chaos-monger without giving a shit about coming off as palatable or gentlemanly. thats three very distinct personalities which would all react to the same situation in potentially vastly different ways.

helluva boss has less character iterations to draw from, but it still has the pilot episode. this would be more of a genre swap than an outright character one — outside of stolas, none of the main characters have changed drastically since the first couple of episodes. the pilot originally advertised an work sitcom a-la the office or brooklyn99, whereas the series now is comparable to a tele-nova. i think if the show had been planned and advertised as such it would have been less of a big deal, but i definitely think we were told one thing and then gradually given something else.

(i think hazbin hotel would have also worked as a workplace sitcom — ive definitely had an idea for that in the past. it negates the redemption storyline and becomes a story about charlie trying to save her favourite childhood vacation spot from dilapidation. in point of fact, that WAS kind of a swap, now that i think about it — hazbin became a workplace comedy, and helluva was a romantic-drama-comedy that was based off of what hazbin set up).

approaching the more drastic swaps, one of the ones ive seen for hazbin the most often and enjoy a lot in concept is where different characters are looking after the hotel, either with or without charlie. there are a fair few characters who have a foil — charlie has emily, alastor has vox, etc. — these are the ones i see the most. seeing how creators interpret different powers and personalities affecting the idea of redemption for sinners is very cool. id like to try my hand at this myself one day, but i havent found the inspiration yet.

similarly, a common swap ive seen for helluva boss is switching blitzo and stolas out for barbie wire and stella. unfortunately we dont know much about barbie or stella for me to have much of an opinion on this version. one swap i would like to try myself is swapping blitzo out for fizzarolli — off the top of my head, i think this would turn more characters into outright bad guys, or at least rivals, instead of simply being misunderstood, and im not sure how many people would actually like that.

as a general closer, genderswaps are also fun, because playing with societal expectations and seeing how that affects things like fashion and personality and relationships is always very interesting.

[pastriibunz]

heres your letter! i'd rather you private answer this if you do im embarrassed by how gay it is

happy birthday, princess. i know you’ve had a couple rough weeks recently, and im sorry i haven’t been able to do very much for you. i’m sorry last night even happened.

but i can do this. by the time you read this, sotbaw will be done and hopefully fully posted or queued it least. i hope every fic i've written for you this month brought you just a sliver of joy, even if they were all late lol.

this is the only letter i'm writing. i scrapped the other ones because of burnout, but this one was so easy to finish, it barely affected me at all. i’m still not the best letter writer, but i do my best.

you’re incredible. i don't want to talk about kai this whole time, but i think she deserves a mention or two at least. nothing goes unanswered (forever) or unturned when you write, and that shines when you write kai. she’s saved you, i know, but she’s saved me, too, and seeing the way she’s developed over the years (although i've missed almost all of them) is so genuinely amazing. both your drawings and writing come to life around her, no matter the tone. sotbaw would’ve been nothing if not for the little bits you helped out on, and really would’ve been nothing if you hadn’t started it, and boosted me along those first few days, not to mention the fact that you created this.

everything you touch, you improve. from our other friends, to the hatchetfield community, to me, my life, and my writing. nothing i’ve ever seen you do has been less than wonderful, and most things have exceeded even that. 

you’re kind, creative, hilarious and gorgeous. somehow you’ve wormed your way into my heart, and my daily routine in just a few months, and if i have any say, you’ll stay there. from the way you connect to other people, to hearing you sing and read while we’re on call, every moment from you is worth keeping in a locket.

and yes, i mean every single moment. the more time i get with you, the more i believe that there may be a god, and he’s gifted me with the most incredible person in the world.

you’re everything to me. i hope, somehow, i make you even a fraction of how happy you make.

i can’t wait to marry you someday. to see you dancing with your friends, singing at the top of your lungs, dressed in what i’m sure will be the prettiest dress in the world, just for the fact it’ll be yours.

i’ll see you in seattle, with our book on the shelf in our living room.

happy 16th birthday. i hope you enjoy your present. you’re the best friend, and best qpp i could ever have dreamed of, and ever have asked for. here is fic 21 and 22, 

surprise! and finale.

yours, 

          raspy <2

im. im literally gonna cry

listen. im not the best with words. not when im not talking about kai. but. i really do love you. i think youre the best thing thats ever happened to me. youve made me better. thank you for everything you do. i love you more than anything.

i cant wait to see you. youll be the most gorgeous woman ive ever seen. not that you arent already are. i just feel itll be better in person.

i love you, raspberrysmoon. thank you for loving me.

[tanadrin]

One of the random ruler names for the Maya in Age of Empires 2 is Lady Great Skull Zero, and since that’s such a distinctive and interesting name, I’ve been trying this evening to find out what the underlying Maya name is and how it is written. A Google search turns up the Wikipedia page for Lady Eveningstar, whose name is also given as Lady Ik’ Skull of Calakmul. She is the wife of Itzamnaaj B’alam (”Shield Jaguar;” one paper I found gives his regnal number as I, but the Wikipedia page gives it as III; I don’t know why), of the powerful B’alam/Bahlam family, who ruled Yaxchilan. Although not the first wife, her son Yaxun B’alam IV (”Bird Jaguar IV”) succeeded to the throne, after a possible interregnum of ten years or so, in unclear circumstances--most of the history we have here is from monumental inscriptions, and a lot of the details are missing. Ik’ Skull is depicted on Yaxchilan Stela 35.

Yaxun B’alam IV was married to (among others) Ix Chak Joloom, whose name is translated Lady Great Skull. This page shows her name as this:

Incidentally, it shows Ik Skull’s name as this:

While a separate drawing from this collection shows the full name and titles of Ik’ Skull.

It’s really hard for me to tell what are the distinctive features of Maya writing, because each glyph is so complicated, and each square seems to be a combination of 2-3 actual characters, but I think you can identify the basic elements of the short version of the name above in the second square from the left in the larger drawing. Or some of them, at least; there’s a left-facing head with a small mark on the forehead, something that looks like a skull with another symbol on top, and on the right side of the square at the bottom a horizontal glyph that looks like the bottom glyph of the second square on the first drawing. But I’m really not sure! I’d love a more detailed breakdown of how Maya writing functions in practice.

Lady Chak Joloom/Great Skull Zero seems to have been the brother of a sahal, a military chief, also called Chak Joloom/Great Skull Zero. The Chak Joloom lineage seems to have been fairly powerful in Yaxchilan, and may have contributed to Yaxun B’alam IV’s rise to power.

As far as I can tell, “Great Skull Zero” is a fairly literalistic reading of the glyphs that make up the name, not a translation: Mayan glyphs could stand for words, or sounds (usually syllables; but like Linear B, Mayan phonotactics are more complicated than simple CV combinations, so underspelling or overspelling was common), or could be used as phonetic determiners attached to glyphs a la cuneiform, so teasing out which glyph is being used in what way is difficult.

Yaxchilan and Calakmul are both in the southern-middle bit of the Yucatan peninsula. Yaxun B’alam IV succeeded to the rulership of Yaxchilan around 752 CE, at age forty-three; Itzamnaaj B’alam had died around ten years earlier; the nature of the interregnum is not known, and may have involved a power struggle for the throne. In the Old World around this time, the Umayyad Caliphate is being overthrown, and the Ruthwell Cross was being carved in England, just for context.

I’m not sure why Lady Chak Joloom is included in the AoE2 ruler list. She does not seem to have reigned on her own--though it’s conjectured that her mother-in-law, Ik’ Skull, might have been regent during the time between Izamnaaj B’alam’s death and Yaxun B’alam’s accession. I’d also really like to know 1) what the literal meaning of “chak joloom” is, if any; 2) how you get “ik’ skull” from “uh chan” (ix is clear enough--it just means “woman;” sometimes it’s attached to ajaw, “lord” to indicate a noblewoman), and 3) where the “zero” in “Great Skull Zero” comes from. “Eveningstar” as a reading for Ik’ Skull’s name also seems to be a bit of a puzzle--I found a passing reference to a temple inscription involving the phases of Venus? But now I can’t find the page I originally found that on.

[hyperch1ptune]

ykw no i’m impatient

GADGET OC INTROS

(I have a dozen more in mind but I wanna show the ones ive at least drawn & planned before lmao)

i’ve had these guys for a couple years now,,but i’m just now finding good motives & stories for the both of them❗️the last time I tried writing for them it was a MESS dude

I wanna introduce them on here cuz I wanna dRaw them more dude oughuho AND I THINK THIS’LL BE A GOOD INTRO 2 SOMETHING BIG I WANNA START AS WELL,,???? iDk

—

ISSAC

(Issac Marcello Hernandez) / 27 FtM mlm (He/they) 🇲🇽

•

A specialist hacker/coder for W.O.M.P.

Not originally getting into coding for a position like this, not even wanting to be hired in the first place; they originally got the skill for wanting to learn more about game development, aaand just wanting to mess with old friends who’s turned a negative leaf (Rival Gang)

The only reason he ended up associated with W.O.M.P. was from him being questioned and watched sharply from famous cyborg robo-cop: Lieutenant Gadget. Looming at night while trying to hide anonymous isn’t that great of a look..even if he’s just trying to mess around with their personal antagonist’s plans

With how long the lieutenant kept the questioner, he ended up fairly impressed with how much defense he was doing on the back lines (even if very vulnerable to physical damage) and suggested a placement; only reason Issac agreed was because it was good money..still fairly pissed at the team for keeping them isolated for no reason

If it weren’t for him doing that though he would’ve never gotten closer with the agency, especially gadgetinis

Just by their clothing alone, you can tell he’s a HEAVY metal/rock enthusiast. He’s the one that originally got his best friend (Percila) into his favorite shock-rock artist: Bob Walker (Rob Zombie parody lmao)

From him being metal it gives him the persona of being stern-headed, or nonchalant; in reality talking with them is just like talking to a geek-surfer boy once they’re comfortable enough. Even a bit of an embarrassed scaredy-cat at times..but even then, it’s hard for them to trust

speaking of his best friend, Percy was the first person Issac told that he was transitioning; she was extremely supportive, and he was relieved to have someone so close with anything like this

An extremely heavy thinker in the right situations, but usually rushes for most answers either in a panic, or in a matter of being impatient. Their brain is always on the move, it’s only a matter if the thinking would be messy or not depending on how he feels

—

PERCILA

(Percila Rosette Snyder) / 28 wlw (She/Her) 🇵🇷

•

A skilled inventor/mechanic slash chemical specialist for W.O.M.P

Also not originally getting into these professions for the sake of an agency; if anything, science like this was always a special interest for Percy. Keeping many mental notes of what some chemicals & machines can do & what they can’t do

She ended up associated with W.O.M.P. because of Issac, having him being absent from the two’s apartment for a good couple days only had her worried on what happened to him; making daily lookouts throughout metro from sunrise to sunset to try & get a lead..wasn’t long till she found him almost choked out from a MAD agent whilst Gadget was still suspicious; involving herself for support

She was FAR less trusting of Gadget & the agency than how Issac was, seeing they’ve kept her best friend enclosed for days without notice..buut she still tagged along on the “trusting” ride just to see what’s happen along the way. Hell, even insisting she’d get a placement in W.O.M.P. as well for extra support!!

Although it was out of spite in the beginning, growing closer with the agents made her enjoy her placement much more

Her clothing doesn’t really give it off, but she’s more of a hardstyle girl. If she’s is any kind of bar, more than likely she’s gonna recommend it. Hell, bar’s, raves, and skating rinks of any kind are some of her go-to hang out areas at best.

Very visibly she has more of an outgoing persona because of these details, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t easily get angry as well. If she’s talking with someone who’s either hurt her or her friends in the past, she’s more than likely going to be extremely bitter; even if they’ve improved on themselves..you don’t see that side of her often though

She’s disabled, being born without the lower part of her legs; always wearing metallic limb enhancers because of it, and why she’s go good at skating! This pinpoint never had Issac thinking any less of her, if anything, it’s made him proud to have a friend this physically strong

More of an easy thinker, but “thinks easily” on stuff that’s seen as ridiculously complex to someone else; only from how use she is to thinking complex. She never really panics whenever in a rush, but more than likely if there was a moment to rush she’s run straight to the guess work

—

As if I haven’t clarified it enough; both of them are best friends!!

They’ve been close ever since the peak of middle school, inseparable now even with them living in an apartment together. They’ve always been the defender of each other, walking through their own separate experiences, discoveries, interests, etc.

Percila is more of the brawn of the two, being more physically fit from the inside out. More stable breathing, can carry heavier objects, and doesn’t become as disoriented as how Issac dose (he’s got ear & iron problems lmao)

Issac can be the brain..if you count emotional connections being something “brain” related from mentality. He can easily talk his way out of most situations from how naturally empathic he is, or hell, give himself extra defense from all his “peers”

They both bond the most with the gadgetinis!! It was originally Percila who started the friendship first from how interested on how sentient & advanced both robots seemed; Issac joining in just to see what Percy was doing overall, and bonding with the two as if he was talking with people his age

just looking at how the both act, they can almost act like mirrored opposites like the gadgetinis!! Issac being more of a Digit counterpart, and Percila more of a Fidget..but not everything is similar to the two. If anything, both Issac & Percy have traits similar enough that can mix together well, whilst the twins have traits that have them bounce & mirror

(this has the both of them bond better with the person that’d seem like their mirror counterpart..if it makes sense idk)

speaking of gadgetinis, yk the one headcanon I made with the twins unique middles? Percila was actually the one who upgraded the two!! Making Fidget a stomach took much longer for her than it was making a storage compartment for Digit, but she was patient with her materials & acid types

it’s usually Issac that takes advantage of Fidgets stomach, not backing down if he wanted to be fed or feeding by hand for the hell of it

i’ve been writing a lot more often hi gUys