#ive dealt with this shit way too much

[jamisafan]

When your forced to put your phone number in for two step verification but you live in a town with no cell service.

[abyssalpriest]

if i disappear after saying that ive been assassinated no jokes aside if i take that down its not bc i disagree with it, you can still pin it on me as a belief that i think that shit should be said and ill put my whole ass behind it, but saying shit like that has consequences lmfao. also theres a time and a place to bring that up

[ladylokilaufeyson5]

Where The Shadows Dance (iv)

Bodyguard!Azriel x AutumnDaughter!Reader

CHAPTER IV: The Tavern

SUMMARY: Taking care of the Princess of the Autumn Court is more challenging than Azriel anticipated

WARNINGS: more misogyny! (would it really be the autumn court without it), mentions of murder ig, alcohol and vomiting, swearing

NOTE: once more thank you to my moots @icey--stars and @fieldofdaisiies for reading over my work <33 (check out their stuff rn istg)

WORDS: 2K

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

That was the only word that was flying around Azriel’s head as he knocked on the princess’s bathroom door and received no response. She had been in there for an hour now, doing Cauldron knew what, but her silence made Azriel uneasy.

Shit. He was in such deep shit.

And not just because Y/n may have drowned in her bathtub — or worse, been assassinated — but because of the way he felt about her.

Azriel was no stranger to attraction, and he knew he was attracted to the Daughter of the Autumn Court. It wasn’t just her undeniable beauty that drew him in — it was the way she held herself, the way she was so unafraid to provoke him, the fiery determination in her soul.

But he couldn’t feel that for her. Y/n was the only daughter of the Autumn Court, and if Beron discovered the feelings Azriel harboured for her… well Beron would probably send all four of his legitimate sons after him.

So he had distanced himself after the inner circle had left. He could tell it had hurt and surprised her, and of course he felt horrible, but it was the only thing he could do. The longer he spent with the Autumn Daughter, the more the attraction grew, so he decided that if he did not speak or engage with her, then maybe that would halt the growth.

But sometimes, he couldn’t help but ask her questions, to answer hers, or to just talk to her. It must have been confusing for Y/n, with how much Azriel seemed to switch between being interested, and then ‘broody’, as she tended to put it.

“Lady Vanserra?” Azriel called, knocking on the wooden door. “Are you alright?”

He thought of how he had followed the princess into the bathroom earlier, and physically cringed. By the Cauldron, that had been embarrassing. He hadn’t even been thinking — he was too occupied with what she had said earlier, the way she had looked at him as she tried to seduce him. It probably would have worked if Azriel didn’t have centuries of training.

There was no answer, and Azriel’ worry grew. What if she had been assassinated? His shadows roamed the room beyond and… nothing.

Azriel opened the door, and what he saw made his blood boil. A pair of scissors lay on the ground beside what he assumed was parts of the princess’s gown, which had been transformed into a makeshift rope. It hung out of the window, and upon further inspection, she was not waiting at the bottom. Worst of all, though, was the guards stationed beneath her window were nowhere to be seen.

Where had they gone? Had they pursued the princess, or had she dealt with them otherwise? Azriel was beginning to see why the Daughter of the Autumn Court was constantly described as difficult.

Azriel took a deep breath. He needed to find her, and quickly. If Beron or anyone else discovered that she was missing…

The walls, his shadows whispered. She climbed over the castle walls.

Well, fuck. Azriel rushed to the window, intending on jumping out of it and dragging her back home, kicking and screaming, when a sly voice said, “Lost her already?”

Azriel whirled and found Eris leaning against the doorway of the bathroom, arms crossed and a small smirk on his face. Fuck fuck fuck. What was he supposed to say? Oh yeah, I lost your sister and she’s climbed over the castle gates, my bad I’ll just go grab her.

Eris chuckled and shook his head, a single strand of his hair swinging in front of his face. “You need not to worry, shadowsinger. My sister is perfectly capable of taking care of herself.”

“I’m here to protect her,” Azriel ground out, although he was surprised at how calm Eris was.

Eris raised an eyebrow, the gesture mirroring the way his sister did it. “Are you sure about that?”

Azriel paused and glared at the heir. That was what he was here for, wasn’t it? To be the Autumn Daughter’s bodyguard, to protect her from harm. That was why he was here, in this damned court, rather than at home.

“What are you talking about?” Azriel demanded.

Eris sighed and walked over to the other side of Y/n’s bathroom. He felt around for a moment, and Azriel wondered if the heir had lost his mind before part of the wallpaper popped out, as if there had been a secret door. Azriel’s shadows fluttered towards it, and inside, squirrelled away, were…

“Tunics and pants?” Azriel stated, unimpressed.

Eris rolled his eyes and waved his hand, causing the glamour to disappear. There were still a few pairs of folded pants and tunics, but they were accompanied with jewelled daggers and small bags of gold.

Why would Y/n need to hide bags of gold? Her father was a High Lord, and she appeared to have every material thing her heart desired.

“Why are you showing me this?” Azriel questioned.

“When my sister musters up the courage to finally leave this place, I want you to protect her,” Eris stated plainly, folding his hands behind his back. Before Azriel could even speak, the heir continued, “But I also want you to know that it will not be an arduous task. I have been quietly training her in defensive combat for decades… but still, she is young, and untried. She will need someone to protect her from my father’s wrath, to give him pause if he considers going after her.”

Azriel watched the heir carefully. His shadows detected no lies, but… why? Did Eris truly care this much for his sister? Azriel had to admit, Y/n seemed to be able to worm her way into anyone’s heart, but…

“Why me?” Azriel inquired. “Why not yourself?”

“Trust me, shadowsinger, should my father show any inkling of wanting my sister dead, I will kill him myself,” Eris said sharply, his eyes flashing. “She just needs to be safe during that time.”

Azriel found himself considering it. He could take Y/n to the Night Court, he could show her Velaris, he could—

“Wait. When we uphold our part of the bargain… you want us to watch over your sister as well?” Azriel asked.

A nod was all he got in response. Azriel opened his mouth, ready to say something, anything, when Eris commented, “You should probably go find my sister now. The Cauldron knows where she’s ended up.”

And, fuck, Azriel should be searching for her right now, but he was still dissecting what the fuck was going on here. What Eris was asking of him, and the Night Court. It would be considered an act of war if they harboured her — at least until Eris killed his father.

Azriel gave Eris one final glare before shadow-winnowing to the castle walls. From there, he followed Y/n’s scent, his shadows tracking her when her glamour was too strong for his immortal senses. Darkness had fallen by the time he had reached the main street, and his shadows led him to a tavern. It appeared to be similar to Velaris’s Pleasure Hall, and Azriel steeled himself as he entered.

Loud music assaulted his ears, the floor thrumming with the intensity of it. People danced everywhere, their bodies a large, twining mass. Azriel searched for the Autumn Princess, and his shadows found her before he did. She was in the middle of the dance floor, and had he not been so pissed at her in that moment, he may have stopped to marvel at her beauty. Her hair was loose, the top of her tunic unbuttoned, and she looked so free.

Did the people around her know that they danced and drank with their princess? As Azriel looked closer, he realised that her face looked slightly different — her eyes were larger, and her lips were lower. In fact, her skin was a few shades darker, and her hair was even a different tone. She had glamoured herself, even though no one knew what she really looked like.

Before he knew what he was doing, Azriel stalked through the sea of bodies, all the way to the princess. Her eyes lit up when she noticed him, a massive smile covering her face.

“Azriel!” she beamed, her voice slightly slurred. “You made it!”

Azriel narrowed his eyes at the princess. “What are you doing here?”

The princess snorted and downed the rest of her drink before he could stop her. “What does it look like, silly? I’m dancing!”

She threw her hands above her head, hips swaying to the beat of the music. People danced around her, as drunk as she was, almost as if they were some sort of hive-mind, and their only thought was to let loose.

“We’re going home,” Azriel ordered.

That seemed to sober the princess up slightly, causing her to frown and shake her head. “No. I don’t want to. I’m having fun.”

“Lady Va— Y/n, we need to leave,” Azriel urged.

Because, in this crowded tavern, anyone could be an enemy. Indeed, Azriel had already spotted several males eyeing her, although in their defence, there did not seem to be anything in their gazes beyond lust. Still, it infuriated the shadowsinger.

“Azriel,” Y/n groaned, as if he was being unreasonable.

“Please,” Azriel tried. “I’ll get into so much trouble if your father finds that we’re missing.”

It was the correct tactic, guilt tripping her, because it worked. She sighed deeply and hung her head, defeated. He felt slightly bad, but if Beron did discover that they were currently breaking at least seven of his rules… well, Azriel didn’t want to find out how he’d respond to that.

Y/n walked out with him, albeit a little drunkenly, stumbling and waving goodbye to people. When they started on the road to the castle, Azriel asked, “How often do you do this?”

Y/n shrugged and kicked a rock. “Every few weeks?”

“Every few weeks?” Azriel repeated, eyebrows raised. “How do you not get caught?”

“It’s easier when I don’t have a broody shadowsinger following me into my bathroom,” Y/n snickered.

Azriel frowned and refused to let his face flush. He looked around at the road, and he realised just how far they were from the castle. In his frantic search for Y/n, he hadn’t even noticed it was a relatively lengthy journey…

Y/n suddenly halted, hand clamped over her mouth, before she turned to the side of the road and emptied her guts into a bush. Azriel acted on instinct, gently grabbing her hair in one hand, and rubbing the other in soothing circles on her back. He remembered when he was her age, when he used to binge drink with Rhys and Cass… none of them would have even made it out of the tavern without puking, so she was doing better than all of them combined.

“I hope that wasn’t from the thought of me following you to your bathroom,” Azriel said, trying to lighten the mood.

Y/n laughed, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. “No. Just at the thought of going back to the castle.”

She must have still been drunk to admit that so easily. Of course, she wasn’t entirely secretive about her distaste of her home, but still.

“You think you’re okay to walk?” Azriel asked.

The princess nodded, and Azriel thanked the Mother, because he really didn’t want her to throw up on him if he had to carry her. Azriel took his glove off and pressed the back of his hand to the princess’s forehead. She was warm, but not too warm, so she’d probably purged the sickness from her by now. Indeed, after doing that, Rhys, Cass, and Az would continue drinking, but that was not the case in this scenario.

As he pulled his hand back, she grabbed onto it suddenly. He was so shocked that he didn’t move when she pulled his hand closer and inspected it. Her fingertips were soft as they ran over the burn scars, and Azriel wished he’d never taken his glove off.

“Pretty,” she murmured. “Like art.” Azriel tried to pull his hand away, but Y/n held firm. “Really. There is a story behind every piece of art. And this art looks painful, but it’s beautiful.”

“Spoken like a true drunk,” Azriel muttered, finally yanking his hand away.

Y/n smiled sadly, and they walked back to the castle in silence.

TAGLIST: @honeybee54321 @marigold-morelli @lucky7rosie @itsswritten @paankhaleyaar @bubybubsters @5onedirection5 @lilah-asteria @sheblogs @thelov3lybookworm @blushingfawnsposts @thisiskaylin @morganisheree @sleepylunarwolf @bakananya @bookishbroadwaybish @namelesssaviour @glitterypirateduck @sfhsgrad-blog @ash-mc @feyres-fireheart @ib525 @azrielswhore @copenhagenspirit @eternallyelvish @teenagellamaangel @thisiskaylin @littleladdty @dnfhascorruptedme @taylorgriffin @fightmedraco

[pearlsinmyhair]

₊ ⊹ the price of the name.

synopsis: reader has had a hard life, and now she’s an orphan. but someone just as lonely comes into her life to take her under his wing.

warnings: there’s death in this one. miles being injured. self deprecating thoughts from miles (brief). suicidal themes (brief). cursing/language.

let’s do this guys. reminder that birth miguel and star girl have trauma that hasn’t been dealt with.

part i | part ii | part iii

word count: 3.3k

pt iv: the price

　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚

prophet girl,

chosen by the sun,

do you hear the gods whispering

those silent stardust words?

it had been three months when hobie jumped through the window of your bedroom to tell you what was happening.

you had been cooking at the stove, boiling water and checking the seasoning cabinet when you heard the tell tale thump of hobie’s boots on your floor.

you expected the usual: hobie wanted to hang, maybe listen to music, maybe take you to his dimension for a show.

but then he stepped out of the bedroom doorway, wearing a look of cold disdain, and you realized something was truly wrong.

but you were getting ahead of yourself.

₊ ⊹

the three months without fighting anomalies or training with miguel had been fine. typical. normal.

but you hated normalcy, especially after the madness of inter-dimensional travel.

and on the quiet nights, where hobie was too busy to visit and there was no crime, you felt lonely.

you didn’t have close friends in your demension, all thanks to how much time you dedicated being spider-woman. when you were just defending your own new york you spent most of your time fighting. but the addition of miguel’s apprenticeship had left you with very little free time to make friends.

the three months without company had worn you down, to the point where you nearly used your watch to go back to Nueva York multiple times.

and that’s how you came to the realization that miguel meant much more to you than you originally thought.

and it felt like shit. because miguel was stubborn. he would not change his mind on bringing you back. and even after three months you were sure that he was still pissed.

you shouldn’t have mentioned gabriella. it was unfair and below the belt.

but your words were not lies; you didn’t want to be treated like you were fragile. you weren’t.

yet you craved it, being held like you were something to be cared for.

you missed your mother. you missed your old friends. you missed the stupid shenanigans of the spider society. you missed…

you missed miguel.

his glares. his scoffs. his chuckles. his smiles.

hell, you missed the way he and peter b bickered. or when he would yell at lyla. or when he would criticize your notes on complex cellular functions.

if it weren’t for hobie, you were pretty sure you would have risked the trip back to Earth-928.

so you had got up from your bed, still in sweatpants and a tank to cook. productivity was hard, but you could try by at least making dinner.

₊ ⊹

and here you were with your head in a spice cabinet, trying to find three seasonings that it looked like you didn’t have. you promptly pulled back upon hearing a thump from your bedroom, greeted with an uncharacteristically grimacing hobie.

“hey” you said simply, trying to figure out what was going on.

he looked up.

“miguel’s chasing down a kid from 1610.”

“wait, gwen’s kid? miles?”

“that’s the one.”

you paused, watching as the steam began to make the pot cover rattle.

“why?” you asked, turning the stove off and fully facing hobie.

he sighed, dropping his head back to look at the ceiling. “his dad’s the captain. and he wants to save em.”

your hands tightened on the countertop. “and miguel will have none of it.”

of course he wouldn’t. he had spent so long holding the canon together, why should he let it crumble for one kid’s father?

you had never agreed with that logic.

which was exactly why hobie was here.

“so what can we do to help miles?”

hobie smiled, passing you a box covered in various stickers and sharpie drawings. “i need help finding him. i’ve already sent one to gwendy, so i’m gonna get her and touch base. but miles doesn’t have one.”

you opened the box to realize that ‘one’ was a homemade watch, just as decorated as its box.

“miguel’s gonna murder you, hobes.” you whispered as you studied the make of the invention.

“yeah, well, he��s had a while to do it, and he hasn’t yet.” came his reply.

you smiled, closing the lid. “so, what’s the plan?”

₊ ⊹

universe 42 was a hunch, an educated guess that left you swinging through a world with no idea of what ‘spider-man’ was.

all around you, roof tops were burning, cop cars were blaring sirens, and thieves were running ramped. it took all of your self restraint not to pause and help.

but you had a mission, and barely enough time to complete it. you needed to find miles morales, before miguel did. you had no doubt that if the kid wasn’t in his dimension that miguel wouldn’t figure it out, so you had to be quick.

you hadn’t expected to find the kid so quickly, running from this universe’s prowler through the streets.

well, swinging.

the kid was fast and unpredictable. but the prowler matched him easily, keeping up with him and even getting a few hits in.

it took you webbing miles and tugging him against a building for the chase to end.

miles threw his elbow back against you, no doubt assuming that you were one of the spiders sent to find and detain him. but then he glitched and went momentarily limp.

you had just enough time to drag him under a covered rooftop and snap hobie’s watch onto his wrist.

that gave miles pause, and you watched as he slowly figured out that you weren’t going to kill him. for good measure, you pulled off your mask, and that seemed to relax him a bit more.

“we need to get you to a safe house, away from the open. can you swing?” you asked the boy, quickly taking inventory of the various injuries on his skin.

you were going to kill miguel when he came.

miles nodded, his eyes drooping slightly with exhaustion. you grabbed him under the armpits to pull him to the edge, and together you webbed to a warehouse not too far away, just on the outskirts of town.

it was a place that you had established long ago. if you ever needed a place to sit and tuck away, you came here.

hobie didn’t even know. and miguel especially didn’t. at least, you thought so.

miles landed unsteadily on his feet, and you once again circled you arm around the younger boy, leading him to a small cot tucked away behind a wall.

he went willingly, practically collapsing onto it as you left him to get some water and first aid. when you returned he had an arm thrown over his eyes.

“hey hey. i know you’re tired, but we don’t have time to sleep right now.” you murmured regretfully, handing him a water bottle and a protein bar. “i need you hydrated and energized. now, let me see your injuries.”

when he removed his sweatshirt and jacket, you inhaled sharply.

forget killing. you were going to gut miguel alive.

as you cleaned his scratches and iced the bruises, he watched you, searching. he may have been young, but he was attentive.

“you’re miguel’s apprentice.”

your fingers halted against his skin, holding a bandage over a small cut.

“yes.” you said. there was no point in lying. “but i assure you that i don’t want to restrain you, nor beat you into a train.”

peter had told hobie about what had happened, and hobie had relaid it to you before you had disappeared into the portal to this universe.

miles winced, from both the hydrogen peroxide and from the reminder. but he didn’t talk about it more. you took it as a sign to drop it.

“this place is terrible.” he muttered, and you noted the way he shifted the conversation.

“yeah, it is.” you agreed, more so to get him to continue talking. he was tight as a wire, this kid. he needed to release some tension, and these words seemed like a trickle before a flood.

miles looked up, studying the metal beams of the warehouse. his jaw tightened, and his eyebrows knit.

he was starting to cry.

“it’s my fault that it is.” came his quiet voice.

you stopped, watching his face as he refused to look at you.

“and what makes you think that?” you whispered, moving your hand to rest over his in an attempt to calm him.

a single tear rolled down his cheek as he looked at you.

“i’m an anomaly. i…the spider wasn’t mine to take. if i hadn’t been bitten, then this world would have been better.”

your heart thumped hollowly as you registered his words. here was this boy, so young and wonderful and strong, torn apart.

by someone who you cared for.

“are those his words?” you asked, and he turned his face to the side, attempting to recover.

but you reached up and pulled him down, and he bent his head to tuck against your shoulder. you pulled him close, letting him cry, granting this one moment of release.

the eye of the storm.

“you are worthy of this suit, miles. it was not you who took that spider. it was fate that you be bitten by it. you couldn’t control that. you are not an anomaly.”

his arms tightened. you held him fast against you.

no kid deserves this. no child. he was only fifteen for fucks sake.

your spider senses tingled. then they roared.

you pushed miles behind a crate, and he went invisible, already sensing as well.

he was hidden right as you heard a portal open below.

your chest tightened, and you pulled your mask back on. you stepped out to the balcony, looking down to find him already looking at you.

miguel ohara.

“long time no see.” you called, and his eye marks sharpened.

hobie had warned you that he had gotten harsher since you left.

“where is he?”

“the child?” you countered, anger already boiling. “the fifteen year old that you beat the shit out of?”

miguel didn’t relent. “he will break the multi-verse, y/n. i don’t have the time to bicker with you. where. is. he?”

“not here. i searched already, and he’s not in this dimension. maybe you should tune up your go-home machine.”

he was in front of you in an instant, towering over you. it would have been intimidating if you had just met him, but you had seen this man shed a tear at holding a newborn mayday, so you stood your ground.

“i’m not playing games, y/n. tell me now.” he growled, and for an instant you felt actual fear.

before you could even open your mouth to reply, a screw dropped from the ceiling.

miguel turned, and miles’s invisibility shivered as he lost his concentration.

“shit.”

miguel launched forward, but you threw a web and tugged him back, quickly webbing him against the railing until he couldn’t move.

you hadn’t stopped training just because you didn’t have miguel.

he yelled after you as you and miles left the building, swinging faster than you ever had before. you needed to make a portal quickly, but your watch was blocked.

“lyla!” you screamed at the watch, and the ai-woman appeared. “let me through!”

“i can’t do that, star girl.” came her reply, almost sounding mournful.

so it was up to miles to open the portal. but hobie’s watch wasn’t as perfect as the one on her wrist. where the portal popped up was unpredictable, and it didn’t stay open for long.

and because the universe loved you so very much, an orange web stuck to both your bodies and hauled you back.

you both rolled onto a nearby rooftop, but you quickly recovered, dragging miles forward as miguel slammed into the ground behind you.

“you run, i’ll distract him. whatever you do, get through a portal.” you shouted as you turned.

you webbed a long string into each of miguel’s shoulders, then pulled so that you slammed your feet against his chest, throwing your bodies off the building.

miguel was fast, but you were smaller, more agile. you kicked at his back, slicing his webs as he tried to sling them. he tried to restrain you, but in the open air of the city, you easily avoided the webs.

but miguel was still gaining, and you were nearly physically incapable of stalling him.

hobie’s voice cut through the watch. “we got ‘em, star girl. you’re doin great.”

“hobie!” you cried, panting as you kicked against miguel’s chest again. “how are you doing that?”

“spider-byte.” he replied. “y’need help?”

miguel caught your foot and threw it to the side.

“nah, i got this. just like old times.” you said back, ignoring the way your muscles burned with overuse. “just get miles out of here.”

“yes ma’am.”

miguel’s fighting tactics were aggressive, almost always throwing and punching. but now, it seemed like he refused to even touch you.

he wouldn’t scratch or aim to hit. he just moved you away and kept going.

you didn’t know if it was pity or mercy, but either way it was pissing you off.

you were swinging forward when you suddenly glitched. hard.

which didn’t make sense. you were wearing a watch, which should have prevented it.

miguel caught you with a web when you fell, and you lifted your wrist to check it.

only to see a blaring ‘CANON EVENT DISRUPTED’ warning on it.

“lyla, explain.” you heard miguel call from above you. you still dangled from his web, and you utilized that to catch your breath.

“there was a canon event in y/n’s universe, but it snuck up on us. the algorithm has never seen it before.” said lyla’s hologram.

miguel looked down at you, cocking his head to the side in question.

you shook your head: you had no idea.

he pulled you up to a roof, where you stood up on unsteady legs. he rested his hands on your upper arms, letting you lean your weight on him for support.

your spider senses were going haywire, and it felt like your head was buzzing. your knees buckled, and miguel sank with you.

you realized he had pulled off your mask when the cool wind hit your face, and opening your eyes, you saw that he had removed his as well.

he looked exhausted. even more than the last time you saw him. how this man was even on his feet was astonishing.

“i’m gonna kill you.” you said as you set your forehead against his shoulder. he chucked, and you punched his chest.

“m’not joking. you traumatized that kid. he was shaking when i got to em.” you muttered, and for a moment you felt like you could fall asleep, warm against miguel’s shoulder.

but then your spider senses screamed, and you jumped up with a rush of adrenaline.

“hey guys, hate to mess up this reunion, but y/n’s universe is collapsing. fast.” lyla spoke up.

you sat up quick, stumbling to your feet. miguel reached to steady you, but you were already pulling from him.

“lyla, open a portal.” you asked, and she did immediately, understanding the urgency of the situation. but a hand closes around your wrist.

and there’s miguel, keeping you from rushing into danger.

your conversation three months ago flashed through your head.

you can’t lock me in a tower and call it love.

his grip loosened as he met your eyes.

“there’s a high chance that i can’t protect you in there, y/n.” he said, voice low.

“does that mean you’re coming with me?” you asked, daring to even hope.

he exhaled, looking to the side. you turned away, your stomach sinking as you remembered who exactly you were talking to.

you jumped through the portal.

₊ ⊹

you had seen the hologram of what the world miguel had been in looked like when it disintegrated, collapsing in on itself. you figured that you’d be prepared when you were faced with your own.

you were so very wrong.

the instant you exited the portal, there was screaming.

hundreds of people flooding the street, trying to escape the black void approaching them. children crying for their parents, families huddling together in a last goodbye, others standing still and letting themselves be taken away.

the plan formed in your head as you zipped through the streets: grab as many as you could and put them in hq. there had to be a way that you could save some of them.

but then your web hit a building, and the void traveled down it with a speed that made you stop. the black mass nearly reached you when a blade cut the string, and you were pulled into a hard chest in midair.

“miguel, let me go!” you screamed, pounding a fist against his chest in an attempt to get free.

“it’s too far gone! there’s no way to save them!” he called back, finding a rooftop that was still safe.

“no!” you screamed again, shoving him away. “i have to try, miguel! i have to! this is my home! i know these people!”

the blackness was seeping towards you two, approaching with an ominous humming that made your hair stand up.

“i can’t let you die.” he whispered as he pulled you against him again, trying to force your through the portal.

“let me! let me die with them! it’s what i deserve!” you were crying, voice so loud and desperate that your throat aches. “let me die miguel.”

he looked down at you and webbed you close, tucking your chin against his shoulder.

“i’m sorry.”

and then there was nothing but the sound of universes rushing around you.

₊ ⊹

you were launched through the portal, rolling across the floor to land face down. your body ached, wanting to give in to sleep. but your mind was racing.

“what was the canon event?” you demanded, getting on your hands and knees in an attempt to rise.

miguel looked at you, a terrible sense of deja-vu flooding his mind as he watched you break down.

lyla scrolled through her charts. “y/n, i don’t think you’re in the right mental state to-“

“i don’t give a fuck what mental state im in right now, i need to know.” you yelled, pounding a fist against the ground as your gut rolled.

miguel rested a hand against your back. “mi estrella, you need to calm down. por favor-“

you slapped his hand away, flinching at the contact. “no. you don’t get to call me that. not now, not ever.” you seethed, turning once more to lyla. “please, i need to know. tell me.”

your voice trembled as emotion stopped up your throat, and tears threatened to spill. your chest was heaving as your body tried to get enough oxygen to fuel the rapid pace of your heart beat.

lyla bit her lip and looked at the screen. “it’s a unique event, and the algorithm didn’t know what number to give it. so…it’s called event 0-star girl.”

you waited as she read the screen, watching her projected expression slowly drop.

“event 0-star girl description. spider woman of universe-328 meets universes doc oc. fight ensues. and…”

she paused, re-reading the page, searching for anything but the words that appeared to her.

“no, no, no…” she whispers, frantic.

“lyla.” you beg, tone desperate as your shoulders start to shake and tears trickled down your face.

she looks at you, with an expression so devastated that your heart drops down to your stomach.

“you…

you die.”

masterlists. | next

one more to go. are you ready?

btw if it seems like i rushed through the whole universe-has-collapsed thing, i did. next chapter will address it. star girl hasn’t fully let it hit her.

edit: guys i kinda…i kinda hate this? idk, what do you all think. i feel like it’s not we’ll written.

taglist:

@brittany69 @ladyfairenvale @teamwolverine @kinkybandages @lunamhm565i @dhadiirah @pearlssdiary @zeyzeys-stuff @alexisabirdie @ifuckyourmom @hagdgishr @migueloharaslxt @ladynecromancer

[preciousmomentsfigurine]

hey, is anyone still here? looks like the last time i was on here was two years ago and change. things are really different now, but i guess then again it would be weird if they were the same

i was thinking of returning to this dead site because for a good fifteen years it was a big part of my life and provided me with a unique way to express my thoughts and ideas and feelings and opinions and musings to an audience of people who can hear me but not truly know me outside of my words that i share on this platform. and on the same coin i enjoy following the lives of people i know nothing about and watching their stories and selves develop and evolve from a complete distance in every sense

i'm five months sober now

i have a hard time pinpointing when exactly i became an alcoholic, but i guess i could say i dealt with it in some degree for about eight years, and progressively, as it always goes

i graduated with my masters last may (2023) in critical media studies where i spent my time writing and researching feminist cultural social and media theory. i produced a great deal of work i was and am very proud of including a thesis that is honestly my life and heart's work but unfortunately over the course of those two years my drinking escalated rapidly and by the end i was manically and drunkenly banging out papers and essays in the dead of night sleepless and naively inspired

somehow i got a 4.0 though despite that. everyone in my life always says i played off my drinking well anyway. beats me how or why

once i graduated i practically immediately began drinking all day every day while somewhat-hardly-kind-of-not-really looking for work which was fruitless and i quickly learned my degree i worked so hard for meant practically nothing to employers who were merely looking for experience i dont have outside of my teaching background in grad school

for almost exactly a year i was drunk 100% of the time i was awake

same old story, at some point i switched to bottom shelf pints of vodka, which constituted my breakfast lunch and dinner. sat on my couch in my filthy apartment occupying my filthy poisoned failing body either watching tv or causing problems somehow

this was when i was twenty-nine. for a while now i had known in my heart of hearts i wasnt someone who would ever be able to handle my liquor or drink like a normal person, whatever that means, and that too much was never enough, and that it was literally impossible to function so long as booze was a part of my life. any attempts to "cut back" or "take breaks", i knew, would end the same way, which was waking up to shots of room temperature vodka and being a prisoner to the worst shame a person can feel

i figured once i turned thirty, which was this march, that would probably be about the time i got sick of my own shit and said goodbye to the bottle. which i undeniably felt a kind of affection toward as if it were a lover. still do in a sense and thats why ill never flirt with it again

my sobriety date is april 16th 2024. my last drink was a shot of vodka at 8:30 am on the 15th after creating massive gashes in my upper arm the previous evening during a blackout fight with my boyfriend

im still unemployed and extremely mentally ill and my bipolar has gotten progressively worse over the past couple of years and will likely continue to according to what the science says and all of that. after my last manic episode last month i adjusted my meds (again) and for now they seem to be working but i don't hold my breath really

i do AA and i like it a lot, i do it my own way, i have a sponsor who approaches the program liberally and progressively and shares many of my comorbidities and has allowed me the freedom to define my relationship to the program and god in a way that works for me and i have made incredible strides through this. i have become a far far far better person.

being sober is easy and i never want to drink. not once not ever

ive never worked so hard on myself in my life because i got as close to death as i ever had and ive been very close at many points in my life for many years. when i was drinking i knew i wouldnt make it to see 35 if i continued as i was

therapy, AA, meds, a whole fucking lot of discipline

ive been with my boyfriend for two years and wed like to get married. thats nothing that will happen anytime soon but it is nice to think about. he has been by my side through unimaginable things that any sane person would not have stuck around for. he is my heart and my soul

im also trying to start applying for jobs again but im genuinely on the fence if i am capable of holding a full time job due to my severe mental illness. im exploring a bunch of options right now as far as that whole thing goes. the future is very uncertain as always

let me know if you see this or remember me or anything.

bye for now

[boxheadpaint]

juice induced hill depression. Back on meds again and hopefully going to get in touch with a new psych who can prescribe me something else. Have been very tired and unjoyful the past week but better now and playing modded Skyrim, initially just to make my oc in it but then just kept slamming more thangs in there. Mod that puts bunny rabbits everywhere. Also is there a mod that adds cute animal ears/suits as wearables or one that even makes the girl armor less sucks. Like im either fully leaning into the immersion breaking for self indulgence sake or im getting rid of the annoying shit.

visiting mom in Vegas earlier this month was nice except for the part where I hate Vegas. I know im not great with travel and settling into places can be a tough one for my brain but also my god it’s just evil there. Brilliantly so but still evil. I would have loved to enjoy the scenery surrounding the place more as deserts are just very beautiful and fascinating places but at no point during the day was the temperature less than a full hundred degrees Fahrenheit. It barely dropped during the night either. Between that and varying physical ailments (Oof Ouch My Digestive Sensitivities Lol) (Oof Ouch My Tendons Lol) (Oof Ouch The Agony Caused By Using Stairs Lol) it was the perfect conditions to be a miserable pile when I wanted to be with my family. As sad I was to part ways again I was not sorry to leave that place. Gained a new appreciation for changing up what I eat randomly to keep my body on its toes. At one point mom brought us to a pub and her husband asked for Diet Pepsi while I asked for regular Pepsi. Visually there’s no difference so we got handed the others pepsi and swapped. And then later after he refilled his Diet Pepsi another waiter came up and wordlessly refilled mine as well. With Diet Pepsi. Wasn’t even asked. Fucking stunned. Also went to a near dead mall that was nice anyway

stuck on brain zaps as a symptom of Specifically antidepressants withdrawal. There’s some things describing them as “mini seizures” in function. To me it’s like the body noticing the usual isn’t happening for some reason so it tries to jumpstart the brain into working good like before. universities I can go to with my theories. Back in and at it this week, hopefully to remain consistent for longer than before which will also likely help with the depression and anxiety. More people should just put stuff in their blood if they can

it can be embarrassing to express your misery more clearly to someone, specifying the fact fact thoughts running through your head. But then again it’s only embarrassing because your mind convinced you so, and will convince you that holding it in is also cruel and selfish. Finding it funny that animals probably don’t have as complex spirals and bouts of depression because they dont have a language to articulate to themselves in their own heads that something is awful in a very specific and contradicting way. Or actually no because there is still pattern recognition but that’s more a paranoia learned thing. Is there an animal that can randomly, for seemingly no reason evident to anyone including itself, experience crushing dread and self doubt. Is there an animal that feels shame besides man

had a tilt table test that was embarrassing too but for much more clear concrete reasons. Somehow didn’t know about that second part, and did complain through most of the first part because Oof Ouch Everything Hurts Lol. REALLY did not know the iv thing and had to once again sadly state that no, It has to go in the hand . I will say the experience was funny in the second part from the other ways because my first reaction was literally just “Uh Oh.” The moment I realized it was going to get worse. all I know is my blood pressure stayed consistent throughout, I don’t know what else im gonna hear about it. Hopefully something helpful.

is setting up an ABLE account difficult? Can anybody do it? It’s an issue dealt with by a lot of people but I should at least try to find a way to save money from benefits for the future or in case some stupid medical shit happens that the health won’t cover. I just looked up and saw Vinny sleeping while propping lubics head up with his foot. Hoping I can enjoy things normally again shortly,

8/26/2024, Still better than july

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 14 ~ Thank you

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 2

✧ Word Count : 3.7k

In this chapter ~ Rose's boredom grows to be unbearable as she is advised to lay in bed and rest by the older man Hershel. However, it doesn't last as long as she assumes when she receives quite the unexpected present, and from the quiet archer no less.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ROSE POV *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I woke up the next morning with a lingering sting still present near my stomach, sore to the touch. But I quickly reminded myself that I had dealt with much worse in the past. This surely wasn't the first time I've been shot; being a cop clearly had its ups and downs. But all I wanted was to finally get up and out of this bed to help look for Sophia, however the pain in my side was surely preventing that much to my dismay.

Rick kept the promise he made and came in early this morning to check on me, and after reassuring him about fifty times that I was okay, he left to plan another search for Sophia. I knew in the back of my mind that he probably felt that he was to blame for what happened to me, so now he was trying to make up for it in every possible way. But in all honesty, it was just my dumbass standing too close to the animal. Still, I would much rather be in here rather than Carl who only stood inches away from the whole scene.

A sudden knock came from the other side of the door, snapping me out of my thoughts once it reached my ears.

"Come in." I called out softly.

The door opened, seeing Hershel pop his head in with a small smile, "Good morning. I just wanted to check a few things and give you these." he said holding up what looked like painkillers.

I smiled gratefully and took them, "Thank you."

He nodded before moving around to the other side of the bed, checking everything under the sun. My middle that was still bandaged up, my pulse to see if it was getting stronger, my head to see if I had a fever, and about five other things I didn't understand. He worked thoroughly and quietly, making sure everything was feeling okay by me before nodding silently to himself.

"Well, it seems like you are doing a lot better. I can go ahead and take this IV out of you now." he said as he carefully moved towards my arm.

"Thank God. Can I finally get out of this bed?" I asked him.

He chuckled a little to himself, "You act as if you've been in this bed for weeks."

I scoffed a little, "Yeah, well that's what it feels like. I am not the type of person to sit still." I replied.

"Well, let's just wait until the painkillers kick in. Your body went through a lot the past few days and you need time to heal. But later in the day if you're feeling up to it you can go outside, but don't do anything too active." he advised, removing the small needle from my arm.

I tried not to uncomfortably squirm as I looked away from the area, "I'm telling you right now, being in this bed all day hurts worse than the actual shot."

I felt him place a small bandage over the spot where it started to bleed, looking back up at him in time to see a thin lipped smile cross his face, "Rick mentioned you were stubborn."

My mouth dropped slightly. What an asshole. But the older man didn't say anything else as he quietly left the room. So, Rick was talking some shit about me behind my back to people that I hardly knew. Awesome.

I sighed and leaned my head back to stare at the ceiling, counting the small specks of paint that made little patterns in different places. This felt like torture. I hated feeling trapped and I was itching to go outside and feel the sun on my skin. Getting some fresh air would be nice and it would also be nice to know actually where the hell I was instead of being briefly told that I was on some farm.

But I found myself just sitting alone in the silence with nothing to do because I forgot to ask Glenn to grab my stuff when he was here last night. The last thing I needed right now was more sleep, and all I really wished for was something to keep myself busy if I wasn't allowed to leave for a while. What I would give right now for my notebook.

I was then pulled out of my small trance once more when another knock came, revealing Daryl as he slowly entered the room. Though I couldn't help but notice he obviously had something hidden behind his back.

"Hey, yer up." he stated while lingering near the door.

"Wow, thanks Captain Obvious." I replied, smiling sarcastically.

He gave me a small glare in return, still just standing by the door shifting uncomfortably like the thing in his hands was weighing him down heavily.

"I don't bite," I said jokingly, "Come over here."

His eyes met with mine again as he nodded small, hesitantly making his way over to me once he knew it was okay, sitting down on the edge of the chair with his hands still behind his back. He looked nervous, so I immediately assumed something was wrong.

"You okay? What are you hiding from me?" I asked to try and lighten the mood.

He cleared his throat, "Well, I uh...I brought ya some stuff." he admitted quietly.

My eyebrows raised in amusement, "More flowers?" I asked.

His cheeks instantly flushed red while he avoided my eyes yet again. I hadn't forgotten the conversation we had before Carl came into the room yesterday, but I didn't want to bring it up again. He seemed to not be completely comfortable talking about it, so I just let it be.

"Nah, some other stuff." he said while pulling something out from behind him. I instantly recognized this as two of the books I took from the CDC, feeling myself smile warmly at the sight.

"I noticed ya didn't have anything in here to keep ya busy while you rest so...yeah." he spoke.

I took them from his hands, "Thank you, that's very sweet of you." I said before putting the books down on the nightstand, right next to the Cherokee rose that now stood tall in a glass of water.

Turning back to face him again, his hands were still behind his back, "You have something else?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Uh yeah...it was something I found when we were lookin through them cars on the highway. I didn't know when to give it to ya, but I figured you'd be bored in here so..." he trailed off.

I waited patiently for him to reveal whatever he had to show me with a smile on my face. I couldn't bring myself to understand why he was so nervous. I thought it was about the sweetest thing in the work he thought to bring me things while I was stuck in here.

He then slowly brought his hands out from behind his back to reveal a real sketchbook. My smile disappeared from my face as I stared at it with wide eyes trying to figure out how he managed to find one. I had been looking for one since the beginning and couldn't seem to find one anywhere because apparently, they're scarce in the apocalypse or something.

I slowly took it from his hands as I examined the cover of it thoroughly, running my hand over the smooth surface. It looked almost brand new.

"I also found these," he said as he handed me a fresh watercolor palette, "I found em in the same car, they must have liked to draw and shit too." he finished while I slowly took the paints from him as well.

I almost couldn't believe the things he sought out just for me, truly at a loss for words. But I could easily tell that my silence was starting to worry him, because he then began to ramble.

"I just uh...thought...you would like em. If ya don't like it, it's okay, I can take it back. Glenn said somethin bout how ya said you were lookin for a new sketchbook or somethin and when I saw it, I just grabbed it in case ya wanted it but-"

I then quickly cut him off and discarded the new things, wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing him into a hug. He was clearly shocked at my actions because he stopped talking completely and his muscles tensed like he had just been burned. But then he soon started to relax after a few long seconds and began to hug me back, placing his hands hesitantly around my waist.

Not letting go of him, I whispered, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." however many times I could. Wanting him to know how much I truly loved it.

Eventually I let go of him after giving him one final squeeze, pulling away to see his face. He was smiling shyly, with his ears turning a bright red as he huffed out an awkward laugh.

I looked back down at the supplies once more to admire them, "I love them Daryl, thank you so much." I spoke gratefully. 

He smiled even wider, "No problem." he muttered.

I paused as an idea suddenly came to me, "Well now, since you got this for me you have to tell me the first thing I paint in here."

He sat there for a minute thinking before shrugging as if it was too hard to decide, "I dunno, yer the artist." he smirked.

"Just whatever comes to mind." I replied.

He thought about it again as he rubbed his hands together nervously before an idea came to him, "How bout the house?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "I could do that later when Hershel actually lets me leave this room." I joked.

He chuckled before nodding his head, "Alright, well...I gotta head out and look for Sophia some more, but I wanted to see ya before I left."

"Oh yeah, yeah of course, just be careful out there okay?"

He gave a small smile, "Always am."

Nodding my head, I watched him get up and begin to head towards the door, stopping once I called his name just one last time. "Thank you again, it really means a lot to me." I told him.

He winked back at me before turning to head out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. I let out a breath of air I didn't realize I was holding in, flopping back on the bed as my heart raced in my chest. I lifted my left arm up to check and see if I was having a heart attack. I wasn't. It might've just been a certain man making me feel all giddy inside like a goddamn teenager.

But I merely scoffed to myself at the thought, knowing there was absolutely no way he felt the same.

My eyes flew through chapters and chapters of books but nothing was curing the utter boredom that I was feeling inside this stuffy room. I placed the book down with a slam on the bedside table before swinging my legs over the side of the bed at an attempt to stand. Hershel didn't give me the okay, but hours had passed and the painkillers were working, leaving me feeling much better for the most part so fuck it.

Slowly and hesitantly walking outside past the screen door, I tilted my head up and let the sunshine hit my face, it felt nice, refreshing after not being able to get out. My eyes then opened and gazed upon my surroundings, the acres of land, noticing this place was really beautiful. I would have a lot of fun painting this. The ideas only flowing the longer I stood on the porch.

But my attention was quickly drawn to my left after a moment or two, noticing Maggie and Glenn having a quiet conversation together. Their hushed whispers seemed almost harsh, but I couldn't make out what they were saying from where I stood. Though it didn't last long before Maggie started to walk away towards me, with Glenn looking defeated from behind her.

Her expression seemed to brighten when she caught sight of me out and about, a smile forming on her face as she approached. "Hey, you're up! How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Painkillers really work wonders." I replied.

She laughed at that and nodded her head, "Oh I bet. But actually I'm glad I got a chance to see you. I gotta run and finish these chores, but when I'm done do you want to maybe...hangout?" she asked me.

I smiled at her and nodded, "Yeah, yeah I would like that."

She smiled back, "Great, I'll see ya later." she said before walking off towards the barn.

Turning back to look at Glenn, he had a confused and upset look on his face as he followed Maggie's retreating figure with his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern as he was clearly replaying the conversation over and over again in his mind.

I found myself walking over and taking a seat next to him, nudging his shoulder with mine. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He looked over at me and gave me a small smile before shaking his head, "Nothing."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Don't lie to me."

He sighed, "Okay...okay. This is what I was going to tell you last night but everyone was there so I couldn't... so you know how Maggie and I went out on that run?"

"No, I think I was still unconscious for that part." I deadpanned.

"Oh right, sorry." he muttered before continuing, "Well, Maggie said that they needed more medical supplies because they were running low, and so she asked me to come into town because Rick recommended I go with her. Anyway, we get there, and everything is going fine, and I pick up something that I needed but she came around the corner and I panicked. So I dropped the thing I actually needed and picked up condoms on accident." he rambled.

I was silent for a few seconds as I stared at him, "Okay, I'm really confused as to where this is going."

"Oh, I'm getting to the weird part don't worry. So, I'm holding the condoms and then she asked me if she was sure, you and I weren't together since I was getting the condoms-"

"Woah, what?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, she asked if we were together because I came to see you when you were still passed out. Anyway I said no, that we were just friends and then all of a sudden, she offered to have sex with me."

I waited for him to say more as he gestured wildly with his hands, but I got nothing in return. "So...did you have sex with her?" I asked him.

"...Yeah," he responded.

"Okay, you got laid. I'm failing to see the problem here." I said.

He sighed, "The problem is, she doesn't actually like me. We just finished talking about it when you came outside."

My lips pulled together in a sympathetic smile as he just hung his head, "Glenn, I'm sorry." I said while wrapping one of my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a side hug.

He hugged me back tight, squeezing me slightly before I hissed out in pain the minute I felt an excruciating pain in my side. He let go of me immediately and looked at me in shock, "Sorry, shit I'm sorry." he apologized quickly.

I waved him off, "No, you're good." I breathed while gently smoothing my hand over the bandage.

He sighed again and let a few moments of silence pass us before shrugging, "I just don't know what to do."

My eyes glanced back towards his face, seeing how much this was truly affecting him. "...Just give it time hon, I'm sure she'll come around." I assured.

He gave me a small smile and nodded before the conversation ventured off to talk about some other things to get his mind off of Maggie. I hoped they could work it out because I could see how this was slightly hurting him. Even though he didn't know her very well, he still had some feelings for her while she claimed to have none whatsoever.

Although the longer we spoke, the more I could tell he had something else on his mind, something else that was bothering him. I didn't ask though, if he wanted to tell me, he would when he was ready. That is one thing I didn't like to do to anyone. I absolutely hated to pry. If the person truly wanted to tell you, they would when the time was right. All I could do right now for him was listen, seeming to be the one thing he needed from me the most.

Though after a little while we split off as I eventually ventured further away from the house to start working on the painting that Daryl suggested. I walked a little further out towards the tents where everyone was staying at the moment to get a better full view of everything, briefly seeing Lori standing there hanging up some laundry to dry. I smiled at her as I passed, but then stopped myself and backtracked, wanting to properly do something I should've done last night.

"Hey Lori?" I said as I walked back over towards her.

"Yeah?" she responded as she hung up another shirt, clipping it in place.

"I never got a chance to say thank you."

Her brows furrowed, "Thank me? For what?"

"For giving me that blood transfusion," I said simply, "I know it was really important, and...I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

She stopped there for a second as her expression softened, before walking over to me and giving me a hug. I almost didn't expect her sudden actions, but smiled a little to myself as I wrapped my arms around her.

"You're welcome honey. I'm so glad I could help you." she said while pulling away. "It's good to see you up and moving already." she pointed out.

"I was going stir crazy in that small ass room." I joked, "But hey, if you see Hershel, you didn't see me out here at all." I finished with a wink.

She nodded as she raised her hand up to zip her lips shut without saying another word. I smiled at her again gratefully before heading back to the perfect spot to start on my painting.

This seemed to be the exact moment I realized how truly beautiful this house was, the way the sun was hitting it was making it even prettier. I started with a sketch of the structure to get the basic idea and started painting the plants around the exterior first, adding different shades of green to the grass below. The light purple flowers popping up around the area gave the whole thing an even more perfect effect as I added those in as well.

I even made sure to add the line of fences in the background, not wanting to miss a single detail as my eyes glanced back and forth between the page and the surroundings. Feeling myself get lost in focus only made me remember how much I loved to do this. It was a good distraction and something I would surely love for the rest of my life, calming me in a certain way I wasn't able to explain.

I was working for a good long while before I felt someone walking up to me, looking back up to see it was Maggie coming at me with a smile on her face.

"Hey," she greeted while taking a seat next to me, "What are you painting? The house?" she asked, looking over my shoulder.

"Yeah, Daryl gave me the suggestion and I thought it was a pretty good idea." I said as I turned the paper so she could get a better look.

She smirked and nodded her head without saying anything, though I quickly noticed the look on her face, "What?" I asked.

"Nothing," she shrugged, "He's just so soft with you."

My eyes narrowed, "Huh?" I asked as if I couldn't understand.

She laughed at my blank expression, "I said he's soft with you. Just today he was snapping at people and telling them off, but when he's with you he smiles, he actually laughs, and gives you presents..." she trailed off.

My eyes glanced down at the sketchbook before turning back to her, "So you were eavesdropping?" I asked.

"No, not eavesdropping." she quickly defended, "I just happened to be passing by." she said, smiling innocently.

"Uh huh." I muttered, going back to painting as I attempted to ignore her suggestive eyes.

"I'm just saying, when you hadn't woken up yet, he was real worried about you. We all saw it." she said.

"You're preaching to the choir, believe me," I stated, "But everyone was kind of worried, I don't plan on reading too much into that."

"Okay that's fair...but I personally think it was something a little more than that." she told me.

"Whatever you say."

I then seemed to quickly change the subject, getting to know her more while I continued to paint the house. Although, I was a little surprised when she told me herself about what happened with Glenn, but I pretended I didn't know a thing as I listened to a different perspective. She then told me that the whole experience was eleven minutes of her life she was never going to get back, and that made me laugh louder than it probably should.

I knew this was hard for Glenn but for some reason I had a feeling it was all going to work out okay. She was actually very sweet, and I knew she would come around and love Glenn just like the rest of us did.

But after a while she then had to go off with her sister to do some more stuff around the house, and told me we would talk more later which I was looking forward to. I liked her, and we already got along much better than I ever expected.

Though after she left, my mind seemingly wandered back to Daryl. I couldn't help but think about how nice it was of him to get me these things just because he figured out how badly I had been wanting them. And if that wasn't bad enough, Maggie's words also seemed to replay a bit in my mind no matter how much I didn't want them to.

I had to agree, he was a little different around me then he was with anyone else, but I always assumed it was because I actually knew how to talk to him and when to give him his space. But I liked the kind of relationship we had; he was just a great person to have around I've come to find out. I just really hoped he was being safe out there.

~ Thanks for reading!

[sipsteainanxiety]

okay sooooo while procrastinating on my responsibilities i decided to make a giant list of the bkg/reader fics i've read (so far) on ao3. here's a link to the tumblr fic rec list i made a while ago too lol. please keep in mind that not all of these works are sfw!! i will label the nsfw-containing ones ofc but, as always, be cautious!

note: these are all LONG FICS. as in i sorted the bkg/reader tag on ao3 by word count and kept going until i hit works with abt 5k words. i might continue to add onto this list as i read more LOL idk

be still, just for me by WitchofWriting. this is THE bkg isekai fic tht i'm sure everyone has read lol. contains nsfw. there's also tedium in blue (mermaid bkg). i think that was one of the first bkg fics ive ever read and it will always be special to me LOL

of snowscapes & explosions by sugarbun. tbh i haven't finished this yet but from what i did read it's good!! canon compliant

other by Deadite. also haven't finished this one yet but it's a kind of coraline au!! interesting stuff tbh

enouement by LadysDaze. i read this fic a looooong time ago so i can't rmb much but it was p interesting! it's a choose your own ending type fic. there's also memento mori (fantasy fic w good worldbuilding tbh), entangle, expecting the unexpected (pregnancy/family fic), star-crossed (fantasy), blood bond (vampire bkg) and its sequel blood union tht i haven't read yet sdjfdfkg

misery business by siegmunde. OHHHMYYGODDD this fic. i was obsessed with it omg. i cannot even explain how insane it made me. has nsfw at end

cruel world by lydiasgrace. idt i finished this one but i do like villain reader LOL

like ghosts in snow by Jupiters_Witch. genuinely i think this fic ruined me /pos. vampire au & does contain nsfw things!! mind the tags

surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids (hi merms!!). THIS FIC. CHANGED MY LIFE!!! literally anything by merms is sososo good. i want to eat them all whole. on loop in my head 24/7!! contains nsfw btw. there's also the widening sky (mermaid bkg tht made me sad for days) and on my way (to you).

white curtains by arsonphobic. tbh i havent finished this one too but its got an older (by a yr) reader whom i liked! canon compliant i think

our love at sunset by LittleSponge. horizon zero dawn au. very well done imo. ending made me cry LOL (in a good way). contains nsfw

uncharted by NyxRedfoxWinchester. reader's quirk in this is soooo fucking cool to me. i read it a while ago so i dont rmb a lot but like i rmb the quirk and bkg LMFAO.

zigzags by hokshi. i can't rmb this fic all too well either but ik i liked it LOL. contains nsfw!!

newsflash, asshole (i kinda love you) by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room. fake dating au!! idt it contains nsfw but it has some steamy parts

i melt with you by art_deco_deity. i am so sad this fic hasn't been updated in a hot min bc its genuinely got fantastic bkg characterization!!!

garden of lungs by 0weCrew. ive read so many hanahaki aus that they've blurred together but this was v good!

exiles by BookWormOnAString. i'm currently reading this one actually! fantasy au with dragon kiri!!

how're your hands? by Spazztastic. another fic i read a long time ago. it's canon compliant i blv but i rly liked the reader tbh

body switch up by Fandomness_randommess. a body swap au if the title wasn't obvious enough LOL. it was interesting reading how both reader and bkg dealt with their predicament here pfft

husband for hire by btp. also currently reading this!! stardew au! there's also boîte de pandore. v good shit

gemini syndrome by opal_vortex. LMAOOOO this was such a fun read ngl. masked singer au!! will contain nsfw

mistletoe by WhenSarahSmiles. this is a UA christmas/new year's booklet that is sooooo well done tbh. i love bkg in it. super cute

and you take me the way i am by willowser (hi will!!). pro hero bkg in this >>>>> he is so AHHHH!! makes me insane. very well written!! contains slight nsfw.

bar tool by thunderhead. LMAO this is like a bar and band au combined?? i loooveeee bkg in this and his interactions with reader pfft. contains nsfw

sugar scorched by restwellsoon. culinary au!! bkg is like gordan ramset ngl LMAOO its rly cute imo and very detailed wrt the cooking things from what i rmb. idt it has nsfw

war paint by andypantsx3. i love how andie writes bkg tbh. he makes me wanna beat him up. there's also statistically significant, and cover shot (through the heart). all of them contain nsfw!!

learning your love language by hokshi. the author has the tag 'when ur love language is getting punched in the face' on this fic and honestly? LMAOOO so true for bkg. contains nsfw!!

oil paintings and late night jam sessions by insanityrunsinthe_family. this was also one of the first bkg fics i've ever read and it is so so so good. it's college au bkg and i looovee every part of it.

the phoenix by orphan_account. i'm so sad this fic was dropped but its plot is genuinely so interesting to me. it's more aizawa/reader tho tbh.

sleeping in the garden by Petrichorium (hi loriii<3). i will ALWAYS plug this fic. single dad bkg au!! sososo fcking good, trust. will contain nsfw

jealousy, jealousy by lytters. i think i rbed this on tumblr already but its such a fun read tbh LOL.

fathoms below by 32Q27. i'd started reading this and didn't get to finish bc life. mermaid au!!

a fractured flame by Magicow12. fantasy au!! very entertaining from what i rmb! contains nsfw

breath of a dragon by free_deku. i rec'd this before but im doing it again bc it's that good omg. fantasy & reincarnation au. contains nsfw!!

bakugô wants a ride. by Bragi. LMAO contrary to the title i dont think it has nsfw pfft. mechanic reader tht bkg's crushin on!!

turning page by rhydonium. THIS IS ALSO SOO GOOD omg i almost forgot abt it. god bkg!!!! i literally cannot describe how good it is.

[beesmygod]

yesterday was webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 4: the art

this part i feel like gets done semi-easy once the rest of the shit is dealt with. yesterday, my knuckles continued to swell and feel like rotten wood so i had to cut it short. this shit happens more frequently than i would prefer. today i need to run to the store and also pick myself up a lil treat (an eighth). for right now tho i have some cbd rich stuff that should help. maybe. while the index finger still hurts, only the middle knuckle is swollen anymore. let's see.

i started with panels 2 and 3 bc they seemed the least immediately labor intensive. ill be copy/pasting the line/flats for panel 3 to edit from there. t...there's going to be a lot of copy/paste this page. its not usually like that. but i usually only copy/paste the lines and flats. i will re-shade things so that they look different

unlike the sketch, the lineart has more "weight" to it. wait thats not how the pillow would deform. hold on.

ok that's better. did people even notice that before i changed it. probably not. but it matters to me!!!!! these little things add up and add weight to your world!!!! ive been trying new things with line as as of [looks at watch] last week. so it looks bad right now. like someones vague idea of what good lineart is supposed to look like. practice makes perfect tho....or breeds familiarity or something.

some parts of this look weird. dont worry. we will cover up that shit with speech bubbles. thank you comics for your ways of obfuscating bad art.

flats are easy. select everything that isnt your line art, invert the selection, and dump a base layer. then color that base layer with a mask

this page will, blessedly, not have any complex backgrounds. i already established the scene previously and can skate on doing my textured backgrounds. the background gradients in the direction the light in the room is being cast, usually.

first, a multiply layer at 50%. since she's facing away from the light source, she'll be mostly in shadow. then a white overlay layer at 50%; this is to make the first shadow layer pop and keep from getting too muddy. then a second multiply layer at 50% for the next layer of shadows.

added some sweat beads to make her look more haggard and some shine to her hair, since she's so close to the light. i've started bothering doing this bc it unfortunately looks good. finally i add one more multiply layer at 40% over her eyes to make her look more over this entire thing. and then added the red glow in another overlay layer (100%) where it would land if being cast from above.

completely servicable and theres room for like. a speech bubble later. usually i do text first, but in this case its so secondary to the actions being performed, i want to prioritize one over the other.

looking at it, im not going to be able to copy/paste this after all. she's going to settle in more and her body will rotate too much in the process. i can use this as a base to trace over, though, which will get me started.

but pain is occurring so im going to eat breakfast. what a bitch!

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

Do you think ppl in this fandom infantilize Lucifer? I often see some fans (Cough Lilith Haters cough) treat him like he’s nothing but a helpless uwu baby. Like dude he fought against Adam (The only one who should be calling him baby is Lilith-)

Throws chair holy fu cking shit yes

'Lucifer would be horrified to discover ducks' corkscrew dicks but also he designed them' Pee your Pants now, your fav has weird little girl picking up worms energy and you should be grateful for that

Honestly this issue annoys me most in discussions around the Eden incident because I think the potential is downright fascinating only for the actual rebellion of their actions to be overlooked

Like, shippers have been making the Short One a weak little submissive twink cause they don't know how to write interesting relationships since the dawn of time, Adamsapple fans just found out about being tall and a bottom at the same time and they have yet to shut up about it. If thats what gets them off whatever

but in other contexts? like come on, someone engage with the text with me

He tried to break humans free from heaven's control, regardless of the introduction of evil, that was a direct confrontation

No, Lucifer hasn't deconstructed his bias properly but that doesn't mean he likes Heaven, there should be more hostility, that man is a wet blanket for exclusively Charlie(and not even always) and is so very irritating sometimes on purpose sometimes on accident to everyone else and he is very unapologetic about it

He's a cunt! He's an almost entirely self focused annoying cunt and was a dismissive father for years, My Beloved

I get really turned off by any depiction of Lucifer as a younger sibling/ apprentice/etc figure now just cause like, the actual issue is never tackled in those, he just cries and is hugged better

There's a lot misrepresentations of mental illness too, like he has stimulation seeking depression its weird when hes morose and apathetic, i miss my overly dramatic attention whore performer hurling around ducks that displease him, also the suicidal thoughts tend to be written poorly which is offputting when you've dealt with them before

the Adam scene is interesting cause Lucifer clearly knows his power, it makes sense Char doesn't have a grasp on her rank but Lucifer knew Adam didn't have a shot against him

Lucilith fans aren't even that much better, like how many are just 'Lucifer is sooo cute and sweet and innocence and childlike wonder and Lilith wants to fuck him so bad about it'

ive seen a lot of Lilith taking care of drunk Lucifer, I have yet to see any drunk Lilith just saying

Maybe i'm just too invested my tarnished divinity dynamic but im bored of that shit, let's cracks them open and see whats wrong with them already

I've really come to appreciate Lucifer writing in the show after all the caricatures he's spawned, only a truly interesting and nuanced character could be interpreted this badly in this many different ways

[mostlymaudlin]

just read every single one of your fics and prompts. ur so good i literally love everything you’ve ever written ever. would you be able to write (or recommend if you don’t fancy writing it) some wymack just being so good to neil and or andrew? being there for them, understanding them, i love parental wymack

hi anon 🧡 ty for being so nice!!! it has been a while since you asked this question, sorry. ive read a lot of excellent portrayals of wymack, but i don’t know that i could name any fics that really focus on this? as you probably know, i wrote one wymack pov fic, but it’s still mostly about andreil hahaha.

ANYWAY. i know you said parental, but i was kinda thinking abt the very unique role he serves. And I did write a little scene abt Andrew’s midnight break-ins to Wymack’s apartment 🤪 cw for vague mentions of past abuse/self-harm.

rated t, <1k

“And here’s the real kicker, Coach.”

Wymack is fairly certain that the information Andrew is about to deliver will not be the kicker. He’s fairly certain that it will only lead Andrew to another line of outrage about the thing he is always rattling on about these days when he breaks into Wymack’s liquor cabinet: Neil Josten.

“He doesn’t even listen to music!” Andrew says. “I know you see him running on that treadmill too, eyes glazed over like a goddamn zombie. I heard Boyd offer to let him borrow his iPod, and he went, ‘oh, no thanks, I don’t listen to music.’ And Boyd kept pushing him, trying to find out if he liked an obscure genre or something. But he is ambivalent to it. Be honest, Coach — did he grow up in some kind of satanic cult? Is he brainwashed? Is he going to hear some code word and go ape shit on us?”

Andrew is lying on his back on the sofa, dirty boots on the arm rest and a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand. He’d made significant progress on it before Wymack even got home, and Wymack can see it flushing his cheeks and ringing around his eyes.

Wymack has dealt with a lot of fucked up kids, but in some ways, Andrew is one of the most difficult. It’s not the violence or the bad manners or the obstinance — Wymack can deal with that shit all day long.

It’s nights like this that make Andrew such a challenge in Wymack’s head: Why does Andrew come here? What is he looking for? What has Wymack done to earn this frankly irritating privilege — and how can he make sure he doesn’t squash it?

Andrew doesn’t talk to anyone. Betsy doesn’t tell Wymack much about the kids, but even she has expressed worry at the layers of repression Andrew seems to hold.

But sometimes here, between casting Neil in various villainous roles or complaining about Kevin or stating his grievances with Palmetto State’s meal options, Andrew drops in something real. A comment about getting slapped by a foster mother. A crude joke about the scars Wymack already knows are on his arms. Hints toward some kind of big secret that Andrew seems to dangle in the air between.

It’s always casual. It always feels like a test. Wymack doesn’t know if he passes or fails — Andrew always just finds his next tangent and moves on.

Wymack rubs his temples. He must take too long to offer a grunt to indicate he’s listening, because Andrew looks over to where Wymack sits in his armchair.

“I don’t think Neil is religious,” Wymack finally offers.

“But would we really know?” Andrew asks. He sighs, dramatic, turning his head away again. “He doesn’t add up.”

“He’s hiding things,” Wymack agrees. “So is everyone else on the team.”

“Yes, but everyone else on the team isn’t as interesting.” Andrew brings the bottle to his lips again. “He’s a threat. But it would be less of a problem if he wasn’t so nice to look at. It’s very distracting.”

Well. Wymack didn’t see that coming.

Maybe he should have.

Andrew keeps his eyes on the ceiling, but the air is charged as he waits for Wymack’s reaction. Wymack holds in a heavy breath.

“Maybe you’re looking so much that you’re seeing stuff that isn’t there,” Wymack says.

“Ha,” Andrew says, but there’s little amusement in his voice. He tips his face toward Wymack, pointing with the bottle in his hands. “That’s a good one, Coach. But no. He’s definitely up to something, and I’m going to figure it out. How far is Millport from Area 51?”

“Far enough,” Wymack says.

Andrew hums. “He’s pretty fast. Maybe he escaped containment there and ran.”

Wymack snorts. “Report back when you’ve exhausted that theory. Preferably not in the middle of the fucking night.”

Andrew laughs. It’s not a joyful sound, but it’s familiar.

The are boundaries he’s supposed to maintain, and he knows Andrew wouldn’t want to have rules bent for him. The minute Wymack gives Andrew an open-door policy, he’ll never see him again. He’ll never get to see if he’s passing Andrew’s tests — he’ll never figure out if there’s something he can do.

So he’ll play the role. It’s not hard — he’s old and grumpy and tired. He’ll listen to Andrew bitch, even when it’s about these other kids whose names weigh heavy in his chest.

Maybe it will pay off, maybe it won’t. But this is the job. He has to be okay with these odds — they’re the best he’s going to get.

[xxsweetoothxx]

I need more Liu lore please

I've been trying to think of how to explain Liu lore without explaining the entire backstory of Jeff 😭

This got kind along so under the cut it goes!

Jeff's backstory in PM is a mix of the 2 origin stories most know of for Jeff, and then a weird ass dream I had.

This post ain't about Jeff tho so I'm not gonna go too into that but Jeff had SERIOUS mental health issues for a lot of reasons. I never picked a specific condition or Disorder for him I try not to pick specific stuff unless I feel ive dealt with it myself or it's something that I feel knowledgeable enough on. for Jeff it's definitely more than just Depression and Dysphoria however. His biggest (and to him at the time scariest thing) was intrusive thoughts especially when they involved hurting people he cared about. Jeff would sooner hurt himself than any of his family.

So when Liu was told Jeff killed their parents and confessed to it and pleaded guilty Liu called bullshit. (And I mean he wasnt. WRONG) Liu knew Jeff well enough to know that if he DID hurt someone there was some kinda reason even if it wasn't exactly the best way to go about it. If Jeff beat the shit out of someone it wasnt for no reason. He knew Jeff wasn't as violent and aggressive as people made him out to be. He was a lot better at controlling his anger than a lot of people gave credit for and Liu recognized that. He knew there was no situation that could cause him to be violent with family ESPECIALLY not to the level of straight MURDER.

The events of that night obviously fucked Liu up and the fact he likely was sent to stay with the same relatives that he later found out were responsible for it, did not help. His aunt and uncle for sure would not have treated him any better than they had treated Jeff. But I think he likely got more upset about the mistreatment because of they were treating him who just lost both his parents and was told his brother was the one responsible for it that shitty for being mentally and emotionally fucked up then he couldn't imagine how they were treating Jeff. It for sure would have fueled his anger for getting back at them for everything because he for sure would have killed them once figuring out what happend (or at least what he thinks happened because he'd have no way to confirm what actually happened) He for sure visited Jeff when he was in prison when he could. However it'd have had to be when he was old enough to get there on his own. And considering at some point Jeff went missing and was presumably dead. He probably only was able to see him maybe once or twice.

He wouldn't have believed he was dead though considering they never found him. He'd probably assume he just some how escaped. (Which is semi right)

I do think Liu kills people in the present day but I think he's more selective and he gets no joy out of it. It's for sure a thing he does specifically if it comes down to it. He actively is trying to find Jeff and getting nowhere tho but I do plan for them eventually to meet. Because I think Jeff would keep tabs on Him and I don't think Slenderman would have issues with it. He likely will end up in the underworld at some point potentially working for slenderman or at the least living in the manor for a bit while he adjust to life there.

I don't think I have all that much 😭 but I tried to write what I got in mind for him so far so hope it's enough

[silantryoo]

BONUS [ RP STONT ] — iz*one’s ahn yujin?

y/n and yujin’s first hangout

WARNINGS ; mentions of overworking, death threats, misogyny

y/n sat quietly as yujin stared at her, wondering what to say to the girl. the hybe idol had just arrived when the news had dropped, leaving the awkward situation much more awkward than it already was.

even though yujin didn’t know the girl well, she felt bed.

“are you okay?” yujin asked, the wind blowing her hair as the two stood against the edge of the railing on starship’s rooftop hangout.

y/n’s eyes moved to scan the city of seoul. she wondered how people could hate her so much for something that they knew nothing about. did people just naturally hate her? was it in her blood?

y/n hated being a kim sometimes.

“i feel like shit.” y/n said honestly, she looked over to yujin with her eyes glazed over. “but yeah, i’m okay.”

yujin looked her up and down. chaewon had mentioned to her that y/n was going to get like this, but yujin had dealt with enough drama in IVE to be comfortable enough to push.

“are you sure?”

y/n stared at her, immediately knowing the worried gaze of a leader.

“if you ask me again, i’ll break down.” y/n winced, realizing that it might have been a bit too hostile.

yujin wasn’t fazed. she understood how hard the situation was. she was couldn’t imagine how tiring it must be to be the scapegoat of the group. the public was brutal, especially when it came to girls who naturally attracted people towards them.

she was just surprised that the public was more repulsed by y/n herself than by the thought of two girls dating. their country may have progressed, but they still hated women.

“i’m sorry. i’m just embarrassed.” y/n apologized. she shook her head as she looked at the business below. “i can’t believe i’m breaking down in front of my bias.”

yujin felt herself blushing, not expecting the girl to be so forward. she covered her mouth, her smile making her eyes squint into a moon shape. “i’m your bias?”

y/n nodded, not sure what the big deal was. “in iz*one, yeah.”

yujin’s face dropped. “not in IVE?”

y/n shook her head almost automatically, hiding a smile as she watched yujin’s face. it was always fun to tease leaders. they usually had the most extreme reactions.

maybe that’s why y/n loved teasing minji so much.

“you have no taste.” yujin rolled her eyes, a playful smile covering her face.

chaewon was right about how the two of you would get along. it was nice to finally have a friend around her age that wasn’t insanely busy all the time (read: shin yuna).

y/n scoffed, leaning back. “you’re just bitter.”

“you’re just blind.”

y/n chuckled, IVE’s leader joining soon after. it was one of the very rare times that the two felt like they weren’t hanging out to make connections, something extremely common in the industry.

yujin finally had someone who she felt like she could talk to about things aside from work, and she knew that y/n felt the same, even if the two of you had more friends than just each other.

the two girls fell silent, once again watching the busy streets of korea.

y/n couldn’t help but start to worry. the media had a horrible way of twisting her into the villian, even back when she was a trainee. she couldn’t imagine minji going through something similar.

it made her angry, and made her fearful for the younger girl. she would never say it out loud, but she would gladly take the hit for minji if it meant that she got to live in a world that wasn’t like hers.

y/n just wanted minji to be okay.

yujin looked over to y/n, noticing that the girl was starting to overthink. she knew that face, yujin saw it in the mirror every time she looked.

“we can talk about something to take your mind off of it.” yujin hummed, y/n’s eyes snapping to the taller girl’s.

yujin sent her a smile, waiting for her to speak.

y/n blushed, not realizing that she had been that noticeable. she nodded, thinking of something to talk about. “i found this 7/11 that sells really niche american snacks.”

“wait what?” yujin stood up straight. her members would’ve loved to go there. “where?”

“i don’t remember.” y/n shrugged, a small grin appearing on her face. “i was with minji and we just ran around until we found something good.”

yujin nodded, squinting slightly as she observed how the shorter girl had started blushing.

“she almost got ran over on our date actually.” y/n reminised, looking back down at the street below.

minji had been in such a big rush, realizing that it was way past midnight and she was definitely going to get scolded by her manager in the morning.

“wait…” yujin’s eyes went wide. “you guys are actually dating?”

“no, like friend date.” y/n laughed, a small pang going through her chest. weird. “minji wouldn’t date me.”

yujin nodded, not believing the girl. “but you would date her?”

“if i liked her, yeah.” y/n shrugged, not sure why yujin was asking such random questions. “she deserves someone who’s good to her.”

yujin hummed. she felt like y/n was hiding something, and yujin knew she was nosey. y/n was her new friend, so pushing a little wouldn’t hurt.

“who would you want her to date?” yujin asked.

y/n thought a little, not sure why the question bugged her so much. “someone who she can have fun around.”

“oh,” yujin smirked, looking at y/n’s oblivious face. “like going on 7/11 dates?”

“yeah!” y/n agreed almost immediately. she turned to look to yujin, wondering if she was hinting at something. “are you dating anyone?”

yujin stopped herself from laughing. “i’m too busy being the leader here.”

y/n scoffed, hearing that excuse before. “you sound like chaewon-unnie.”

yujin gasped, hating the fact that she had been compared to le sserafim’s leader. she was nothing like that.

“chaewon-unnie’s blind.” yujin complained, ignoring y/n’s loud laughing. “she can’t even tell that minju-unnie has been waiting for her to ask her out. i’m surprised she even pulled.”

y/n laughed harder, momentarily forgetting about the entire problem of the night. “sounds like you’re projecting.”

“i can’t pull because everyone thinks i’m dating wonyoung.” yujin whined. she loved wonyoung but not like that. “wonyoung’s not even my type—”

“wonyoung’s not your type?!” y/n shouted, immediately wincing after she realized how loud she had been. “she’s everyone’s type?”

“not mine.” yujin sighed, smiling as she thought of her type. “i like people who can make me laugh without meaning to.”

yujin bit her tongue. she liked funny people, someone who didn’t care about cameras, but who was just themselves. she liked that type of funny.

“minji’s like that.” y/n smiled before glaring at yujin. “you can’t date her though.”

yujin sighed, shaking her head. “i know.”

“i’m serious.”

“i. know.”

masterlist | next

taglist (CLOSED)!!

@fav9yu @gojosrug @lizseos @captivq @invusblog @writingficsblog @wonyoluvr @limbforalimb @lethalvenus @archerheejin @bibrinastan @ahnneyong @theeyoon @phamminji @chaersly @misumiausworld @afiaaaa19 @yumtooki @oshyci @txtbrainrot @falling-intoo-deep @0310lvr @yizhoutv @rinpopz @serenitygrace24 @noiacha @marimo-anura @sserajeans @cfvgbhndun-new-blog @rd0265667 @li0ilthecxnt @dmndtears @rosiehrs @yeridaenggi @spritin @cecedrake2217 @meltingbluess @jeonsy98 @haerinstolemyhrt @ssambf @awkwardtoafault @babycubchae @perfectsunlight @forever-in-the-sky2

[demise-seems-dead]

*cracks my knuckles*

hello doctor who fandom. Im here to throw out my opinions in a vibey way, just to get it over with. I may literally never talk about doctor who on this acc ever again, but i figure i may as well lay out all my nuwho opinions right now for anyone who wants to vibe or to know who will hate my opinions so i can get a nord vpn sponsorship and hide my ip address.

so heres where im at.

9: my all time favourite, wrote well- if not a bit cheesy- and acted very well. Do i think anyone actually skips nine? Not really. Do i feel like defending him on my life from the evil tenners? Nope. I think hes the best, but its not like hes under-rated, people just like to make up conflicts for the fun of it. Its the internet, its what we do. Favourite episode is empty child or boom town.

10: hes fine! I liked him well enough. Good actor, great establishing episode, but i dont feel too strongly about him. Hes pretty neat but i think there wasnt a lot of creativity? Like fun monsters, but we didnt get a lot of the real timey wimey shit we get to see later that i think 10 could have acted very well. Favourite ep is 42. Sorry weeping angels, your like 3 or 4th tho!!!

11. i actually really like him. I think later season stuff was fantastic but there was a dip in my enjoyment around lets kill hitler. Found him to be a lot more dynamic than 10 or really 9 in his personality. Hard to characterise, which is great when your talking about basically a god. Favourite episode isssssssssssss the impossible astronaut? Maybe the lodger actually. I dont like james cordon, but i do like the concept.

12: beautiful wonderful old man. Admittedly, watching his season was a blur, right before i started falling off the who train for a bit, but i do know i fucking love him. Uh, i think i remember liking knock knock. Im due for a rewatch.

13: i promise im coming back to it. I fucking love jodie but the end of 12 is just when i started struggling to watch doctor who (dealt with heart issues and a car accident and just could not divide more attention to a tv show) but im coming in with optimism. I know a lot of people thing her season was shitty, i'll probably think the same, but by god im going to try and love it! Also shes hot /hj

14: skipping because i dont really have a lot to say????

15: oh boy. Im really trying to like it. I think its good tv! I like what its about. But i just dont think it feels like doctor who. I dont really care for talking about ai/media bad (even though the actual theme of that episode is racism that is still part of it, literally dont come for me lol i think the racism part of it is very well wrote) or economy failing/bad in my show about a time alien and their human friend against the world. Not that its bad, but its just not for me. So far ive liked boom or 73 yards the most.

and yeah, those are P much my thoughts. Feel free to debate with me. Dont argue- because thats stupid- but debating is fine! I'd love for somebody to show their passion and make me rethink. Most of this posts purpose is to encourage civil discussion.

[sspidrwebz]

so theres this spidergwen fan song and let me fucking tell you guys

it goes. so fucking hard. oh my god. bloody fucking hell.

yapping under the cut

Where are the people whose love is unconditional Let family down, and they want me gone a criminal

holy shit?? family issues is a huge part of the reason im a gwen kinnie and just.. hit hard

Dropping the ball so much, it's wild, I'm in the game Then I remember multiverses know my name, uh

slay.

Not a photo, I'm a Ghost, go find me up in the air I'm a kid pro, I get in your head, there a big joke, never catch me yet

flow goes hard. lyrics go hard.

Tell me I'm wrong when I hear y'all say a hero is a person you want dead Moving so slow, when I win go next, saving all those who give no respect

the bullshit she goes through and nobody even thanks her or anything. spiderman is loved. miles is loved. why cant she be??

Demonize me in your mind Just one truth, it's yours not mine When I leave it's 'cause it's time To heal

this applies to so many communities in real life, its insane the discrimination. queer people, poc people, neurodivergent people, the list goes on. i think the last line is in reference to when she runs away, that hurt.

The hurt I've dealt with all these years To you must seem like teenage tears The ones I loved have so much hate For this side of me

ohhh god right in the heart. the biases between generations. the homophobia/transphobia coding...

I'm done with all the fear and pain, the sorrow, the sorrow I'd slam the doors and scream until you'd follow, but there's no lifeline I know I've made my choices, my mistakes over and over, over But I'll fight until I can't see a tomorrow to do it differently this time

its me its so me. such a common sentiment for any queer teenager honestly oh my god.

Doing my best all the time, and it ends up with them falling Always guessing does it count if I'm lost at my true calling

oh gwen baby... me too, relationships and trust issues it sucks ass

Maybe it changed along the way am I delusional? Bad for everyone, my actions always prove it all

this song reminds me of just how much i relate to her :[[

Let me sink 'till I'm too deep Keeping warm in memories If I go, one day you'll see What you've thrown away

its giving sad teen poetry, feels like she genuinely wrote this. i feel like ive written something very similar before.

[chorus] Think you'll stop me? Good or bad, it haunts me Past the point of caring, they see someone that's long gone in my face

fucking try to tell me gwen isnt trans when that latter line exist, tell me right now. i relate too hard to that one [im cis, i just mean it in a diff way]

Take the rules and bend them 'till I shatter them all Can't help it because

fuck the awful fucking rules man do what you need to, thats beautiful

[chorus]

-

anyways yeah im so in love with this song, thanks @halacg for this absolutely lovely and powerful piece

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

ok weeks later i am finally continuing my gwitch rewatch lolz. time for episode 12.... someone PLEASE tell tumblr to stop erasing my posts just as im about to hit post and not being able to undo it because i had the longest write up and now here i am.... rewriting again and trying to remember what i'd written. i'm gonna scream lmao

this part feels so awful now that the series is over and thinking back on ep 24. miorine just comes to, all to see the doors closed and hear suletta's screams and sophie's gunshots on the other side. no doubt in my mind this girl probably dealt with awful nightmares about suletta dying after quiet zero

i know prospera did use this as another XP level up for aerial, but jeez, imagine how much confidence she has in suletta and eri to be able to say something like this. like not just that suletta will go to aerial, but that together they can take on the attackers who at the time prospera didn't know shit about

lmao i dont think ive ever felt so confidently about something that id bet my whole life ln it

ad stella universe is crazy because i can only think the big liberatarian ancap society is some silicon valley fascist's wet dream because how else do you explain the business management girl knowing 1337 hacker skills

stupid asshole

sophie and norea are such tragic characters to me goddamn. like how often were they practicing their piloting to be able to be good enough to join on a mission like this? were they upping their permet score during practice too?

and why exactly is it them who pilot the lfriths instead of someone else from DoF? we never really get a clear answer on why it has to be the teenage girls when later on we see there's a ton of grown men around. i think given what else we know of ad stella, though, it doesn't matter much when we have asticassia as a school for the elite that basically serves for furthering earthian oppression be it by force (ie. see guel's original plans for joining dominicus) or just continuing to further the spoils of space capitalism

when you think of it that way, i don't see DoF any different than say palestinians fighting back against oppression from IDF forces. unless you're a racist fuck, you can't blame palestinian kids for throwing rocks at IDF soldiers, so i can't really blame norea and sophie for joining the fight

to quote fanon:

National liberation, national renaissance, the restoration of nationhood to the people, commonwealth: whatever may be the headings used or the new formulas introduced, decolonization is always a violent phenomenon.

- Frantz Fanon, "Concerning Violence," The Wretched of the Earth

i really do wish they hadn't just sidelined DoF entirely lol if you subscribe even a smidgen to anti-colonialism, its hard not to sympathize with them and shaddiq/grassley girls. and here theyre actually fighting for a just cause and are deserving of sympathy unlike 0079’s fakeout with zeon.

flipping the UC spacenoid/earth dichotomy so that earthians are the exploited class is just good shit when you consider what fuckers like musk want to do lol and its not as set in stone as exploitation only happens on earth either. mercury sounds like an abandoned appalachian mining town at this point with people lured out by jobs and then left to fend for themselves once permet was found elsewhere and their utility to the spacian capitalist class has run dry. and though i take this one with a grain of salt because we never get hard confirmation or denial, the elans were supposedly spacians (norea calls him a spacian even after finding out el5n’s not the real elan and he doesnt say one way or the other).

enough marxist ramblings, here's a cool shot of lfrith ur

whoever added this, i love them

as much as i don't trust bandai with sulemio unless they reverse the mess they've made for themselves.... i just want to fucking know more about notrette so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!

badass shot of lfrith thorn to go with the ur one earlier

snitch boy starts his snitch arc

the whole way guel killing vim plays out felt like it was gonna lead to something cool at the time... it makes me even more mad now knowing that it very likely is all an homage to zeta and kamille stealing the mk-ii and then later watching his mom die lol (ffs we even have the guel episode later on stealing its title from a zeta episode). guel's entire character just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth with everything thats happened recently

to think that 15 mins later she'd just be all ditzy over pancakeing a man after basically peeing her pants here

prospera shooting a gun at quiet zero >>> prospera shooting a gun at plant quetta

this show and this fucking pose, man lmao

AERIAL REBUILD is going to be stuck in my head all night because of this episode.... but look at how fucking cool she looks!!!

okouchi if this is a line you wrote, you, sir, are a troll... her face now is literally just :<

if you have the rebuild aerial and you don't have her posed like this, then what are you even doing?

i still feel like secelia and rouji for sure had no idea how powerful aerial's gund-bit gun was in episode 17. like norea is scared shitless here and tells sophie and olcott to get the fuck away. we have olcott telling us that even though it has school regulations on, it's strong as fuck

that said, i don't think guel was in mortal danger given that the school restrictions don't let them aim at cockpits or whatever, but it sure would've fucked up the darilbalde

oh this line hurts lol

i don't think i ever paused on this frame before lol i really hope peil hags master plan here wasn't just to have el5n get all rapey like he does later on. i mean, probably not and that was moreso el5n's desparate attempts to stay alive given he barely gets a chance to do anything before school shootings 1 and 2 bring everything to shit

comparing this frame versus suletta inside calibarn in ep 24 and suletta is still just a baby at this point in the show lmao she looks like a little teddy bear vs kakkoii ikemen suletta

paused on this frame and it honestly looks cool as hell lmao

and we made it to THE scene

you know, as i said in prior rewatch posts, i had been watching via GJM's fansubs at this point and was gonna wait for them to release their version of episode 12... however, that same suletta sunday i logged on to twitter and immediately got spoiled on this scene lmao so i needed to find out what the fuck happened and stopped waiting on fansubs (i did rewatch later on)

it really is such an amazingly well done scene though like goddamn lol

now that the show's over, i do kind of wonder if there could have been something other than this to become the spark of tension between suletta and miorine. with the exception of sophie (which arguably was more eri's victim than suletta's), suletta never kills anyone again in the show. her final fight ends up being against the gund nodes being commanded by eri lol so she just fights unmanned drones. it's an interesting decision considering the gundam franchise as a whole

i know it's meant to contrast against shaddiq's by any means necessary approach and prospera's willingness to do the same if someone tries to hinder her plans to help eri... but i really just can't get behind the whole violence is always bad no exceptions message behind the show. i do appreciate that shaddiq's plan basically still came to fruition and that it ends up being an in-world analogue to nationalization of industry. and it's really a cherry on top to have sabina call out whether that was for the best - not just that they nationalized industry but that nothing else was done to stop those who don't agree with what miorine did. history has given us countless examples of countries that nationalize various industries just for the united states military to come in and make some shit up and stage a coup and hand over said industry to whatever shithead capitalists were being piss babies about it at the time

lmao i know we're all mad about a lot of the yuri being left on the table because of bandai execs, but i wonder how much of the anti-capitalist message got left on there too. they really had a chance to make guel a real hero and he's just... not lol. episode 15 makes me mad not because it's a guel episode but because nothing ever actually came from DoF existing. like what was the point?

if they just wanted to humanize DoF a bit and introduce the kid that guel and kenanji run into later on, that could have taken half an episode given the insane pacing they chose to go by during the 2nd cour

regardless, i'll still savor little bits here and there

ok lmao i feel like my original post was way better than this and it took me double the time now to make this post but whatever. gonna try to get through some more eps this weekend