#ive been wanting to talk about this and I've decided this super nice and well meaning anon is going to be where i talk about this

[mrpenguinpants]

Hope you’re doing alright!! Sending you well wishes and lots of love

I cannot fuck it we ball for much longer

[circuitsfantasies]

I FOUND YOU /silly not quite a fic, but could i get some ultrakill cuddle hcs? ive been seeing them around for other characters (namely sebby) and i wanna hear some ideas from u!! love u /p bye :3

(RAHHH I'VE BEEN FOUND!! anyways hi!! Here are some cuddle ideas for ultrakill for characters I know of :]c)

V1

Most likely super handsy and probably wouldn't let you escape the cuddle session for a bit till they either get a. bored or b. hungry

I feel like v1 would fiddle with things on you like a necklace or parts of your clothing just because the material was weird to him

Would 100% make some kind of mechanical purr when cuddling you

His wings will flutter a little happy to be so close to something that doesn't want him dead

V2

Likes when you put your full weight on them

Pretty much likes to wrap themselves completely around you so you feel so safe in their arms

If you have hair I imagine they like to play with it or brush their fingers through it

Probably makes little beeps and whirring noises while cuddling up with you

Kinda just pats your back from time to time while trying to get closer and more comfortable

Gabriel

Probably touch starved and will not let you go for hours!

If you've decided to cuddle this man you have to also listen to him yap about random things but he'll definitely also listen to you talk about your day and other things

Most likely takes off parts of his armor so he can actually get comfortable with you. Most likely lets you rest your head on his chest

Wraps his wings around you if you both fall asleep while cuddling almost like his wings are like a nice soft blanket for you

possibly reads to you while cuddling and just lets you feel the vibrations of his voice on your face

The most lovey-dovey angel you have probably met if he's allowing you to cuddle him

Minos

Due to his experience with anything romantic, he probably knows all the best ways to get you nice and comfortable

definitely a believer in soft blankets and pillows

doesn't matter if it's prime or before prime Minos knows just the thing you need when you come to him for cuddles

Probably likes to talk to you are maybe on rare occasions hums to you while cuddling

Sisyphus

Probably gives you a nice comfortable squeeze

big man means big fucking pillow! You love how plush but firm Sisyphus is while cuddling

Sisyphus is probably fairly warm so if you get cold easily he's the perfect partner for cold nights

Would most likely bring some snacks for the both of you to share if it's just a casual cuddle and not you two getting ready to sleep (which he definitely snores)

big teddy bear energy would allow you to squeeze him like one too but be warned he will squeeze you back harder /j

Swordmachine

big arms to hug you better!! Absolutely wraps you up in its big arms to cuddle better

french fry machine likes to basically just blanket over you completely putting a comfortable amount of weight on you

similar to v2 swordmachine likes to make beeps and other robotic noises while you two cuddle

Most likely would let you fiddle and examine his sword if you asked if you could while the two of you were together

Streetcleaners

look made for cuddles and will absolutely wrap you up in their arms

I imagine if there is a pair of streetcleaners they just sorta pile on you making it a nice little cuddle pile

they like to put their silly little heads on yours while making some form of whirring noise letting you feel the vibration from it

These silly guys are probably fairly warm due to well, they do start fires after all

Drones

interesting choice but they make happy beeps when you wrap yourself around the little things

they will in fact swarm you just so they can all get some affection like cats almost

you will be absolutely drowned in how many of the silly flying things will surround you

Mindflayer

These robots would be surprisingly plush depending on the one you would meet.

they would wrap you up in their tendrils almost like they didn't want you to leave for a good while

I feel like they would possibly be more flirty than the other machines because well, they are from lust are they not?

(WAHHH CIRCUITS NOTE!! Sorry I have been like writing this all day and my creative juices ran out!! I hope you like it love you too!! /p)

[apolsup]

The super epic polycule cooking

Fhs week day 5

Polyship - Traditional/FolkClothing - Scarring

This started as me joking abt peeling potatoes being the ultimate date idea, I love peeling potatoes so yeah

So basically this is my idea of the different uhh dynamics between each of these guys,

Anyways I'll explain some things bc I've been thinking about this for a while now

I feel like Aiden and Oliver (my Bonnie) were dating for a while now since they've known each other for a long time, Aiden probably confessed first (at like 15) since hes a bit uhhh act first think later. Oliver was like "cool, wanna date then?" And they've been together ever since

Bon is obviously crushing on Oliver, but knows hes dating Aiden, starts hanging out with Freddy (Oliver asked him if it was cool for him to bring him in order to help him out since yknow guitar) and they hit it off, instead of falling into a codependent situationship like my freddon au, they start dating (bc of the little detail of Aiden and Oliver already dating)

So turns out, Aiden and Freddy are kind of developing feelings for each other, Freddy feels SO guilty bc hes crushing on his best friend boyfriend who is also his best friend, he still loves Bon to death but he cant just pick one and forget about the other he just can't. Aiden is having his own internal hell because he loves his boyfriend but yknow why the fuck is he also crushing on his best friend???? But since hes always been honest with Oliver (it took a while to get there) he decides to just tell him. Oliver has never really been someone to care about society's rule, so he's like "ok? Date him then I don't really mind or care dude, it's fine" so now Aiden has to talk to Freddy about this BUT Bon is also in the picture in case he forgot

So Freddy has been feeling awful for days and has no idea how to tell Bon about what the fuck is going on. Aiden decides to talk to him, and is honest, I like you, I still love my boyfriend, I asked him and Oliver said he doesn't mind, but I know about you and jhon- uh Bon, but if hes cool with it id love to take you out on a date or something I don't know...

Freddy of course is feelings #guiltyaf but also relived to know that at least

1. His feelings are not one sided and

2. Oliver is fine with the idea of sharing a partner

Of course hed like to accept but says he needs time to talk to Bon about it but that he also kind of feels some kind of vibe there and leaves, giving him a little bit of hope at least

Now talking to Bon? It was hard, he loves him but knows hes insecure about this topic (love, dating and stuff) so he tries to be as gentle as possible and tells him, I still love you, but ive been developing feelings for Aiden and uhmm recently he told me that hes been crushing on me and already confirmed with Oliver, and hes fine with it so he wants to like uhmm take me out but I didn't want to give him an answer until I talked about this with you and uhhh yeah I think thats all I still love you I promise I just need to know what you think about this

Bon is surprised, stunned, shell shocked even. He takes his time to think and talk to Freddy. Long story short, he accepts but needs a hell of reassurance that everything between them is fine. After this emotional talk, he timidly asks Freddy about Oliver, Freddy is surprised to see that he still has some small bit of hope in there but smiles and squeezes his hand, he tells him that he could give it a shot and hed be completely supportive and help out if he needed it, but he didn't know how or what would Oliver say if he did ask him out

So how do Bon and Aiden start dating? Well since they're metamours they have to at least be neutral to each other, at some point when they are all hanging out Aiden and Bon would have to interact more, turns out Aiden is kinda cool and okay maybe a little cute. Aiden thinks Bon is nice and its fun to watch him get nervous about horror topics, over flirting with Freddy or other things so they like each other at least enough to consider each other a friend. Time passes and turns out they like-like each other, by this moment they're used to the whole 'polyamory' thing and after giving a heads up to their partners (they both knew way before them) they go out together and well now they're dating too! After talking Aiden also hypes Bon up to ask Oliver out, he tells him "look ive seen some sparks between you two especially when you're playing the guitar, I know Oliver and im sure he'll accept!" So he does, and surprise! He accepted yay!!

So Bon and Onni have some story, way before meeting the animatronics he used to hang out with the nightmares (he used to be way edgier than how he was when he met the gang, his teenage angst was perfect for them!) And got along great with Onni since they had the smallest age gap (a year) theres two aus where they have a story, one where they were dating and Bon broke up with him due to changing and leaving the nightmares behind to befriend and form the toys with the girls, so Onni tries to get him back but is ignored. In the other, Onni has a crush on him but Bon rejects him due to his father being, well his father and not providing a safe space for his kid to realize who he is (Bon did return his feelings but got scared and chose to flee and then he meets the girls and forms the toys). The story changes a bit depending on the au, but it has the same general vibe, Bon finds him Onni sad at the library looking at his failed test (Onni got in with a scholarship and his ability with the guitar btw) Bon would usually just leave but the guilt kicks him again right in the ass and decides to walk up to him and ask if he's okay, Onni is still bummed out so he just answers by pointing at his test and the big red "2.0" (nota mínima d acá idk) and sighs. Bon knows this will end up in disaster but still, sits down after saying "I'm so gonna regret this..." And asks him if he could help him out, Onni accepts, turns out no one else wanted to help him because of his reputation.

So they start meeting at the library occasionally to study, and to bons credit Onnis grades seem to get better! They start to get more comfortable around each other and they fall back into a friendship, it's sweet, inside that library they get to joke and talk as if no time had passed, it feels as if they were barely 13 again. Bon apologizes for being a dick (he was kind of an asshole for just leaving and ignoring the nightmares) but also he needs him to apologize to those he hurt, Bon knows about his tendency to steal from Oliver and making fun of him, he can't exactly just ignore that.

So Onni does so, because he did feel at least a little guilty about it, especially more now that he had a more... Morally oriented friend/potential future boyfriend? He goes and apologizes to Oliver (and other people he hurt as well), Oliver obviously, doesn't like him and hits him, hard. Twice. A knuckle sandwich just for you! And leaves, Bon after hearing about this tends to his poor black eye and split lip (damn Oliver you had that talent hidden huh) but also "you have to admit you did have it coming" "yeah, yeah I know"

Of course they can feel the tension, they know that the other feels the same way but they dance around each other for a while before actually confessing (because their friends/partners were so DONE with it they had to force them to do it) and start dating

Aiden and Oliver DO. NOT. like him at all but they tolerate him for Bons sake, he did prove that he can handle him and control his destructive tendencies, so they accept him under the condition that he does not try to interact with them, and everyone is content with that, (also Freddy doesn't particularly care).

Fred is still here, by this time the animatronics all know about him and they like him, they're friends, Bon learnt about him some time after dating Freddy and they're also on friendly terms, they like to sing together whenever Freddy allows him to possess the body for a while. Fred kind of feels some sparks with Bon but he doesn't know how to explore this so hes ignoring this for a while (Bon is kind of unaware but he does kind of feel warm inside whenever they're sitting side by side and brushing knees)

Out of everyone, Fred is closer to Auryn (my golden) because they can relate to feeling trapped in their living situation and not having enough freedom, due to different reasons since one is a ghost with no memories of his life and the other is a repressed guy with a controlling family but they relate to each other a lot. Fred and Auryn have been dancing around each other for a loooong while, the slowest slow burn to ever slow burn. But Freddy has been pushing Fred to ask golden out for a long time. And when he's just about to do it, Auryn beats him to it! Damn it Goulding! (Joy helped) he says yes but they have to be subtle because Auryns family is, as said before, very controlling and if they ever found out about this they could take Auryn back to England (mi golden es British 😱😱) to finish his studies there so yeah, it sucks but it is what it is.

Auryn and Bon are chill around each other, not exactly friends but they like the other. Bon is also on the "im scared of my parental figures control over me haha" club so he and Auryn have at least something in common. They kiiiinda have some sort of attraction but they haven't talked about it yet.

But yeah I think thats all, maybe ill pick this up some other time bc its so fun to think about different aus where the super epic polycule exists but whatever

OHMYGOD this took a long time to write what the fuck anyways byeeeee

[thisdreamplace]

hi dream. it’s 😵‍💫. I see you’re a bit more active lately. how have you been? what’s happening in life for you? (if you’d like to share) I saw you said it’s Spring for you, that’s crazy. I have to remind myself that people live all over the country & world, the seasons are different lol.

any plans for Halloween ? I’m either going to dance or celebrate with my family. I can’t decide but the choices make me feel bitter sweet. it’s a great dance opportunity but I appreciate going trick or treating with my siblings because they’re growing up. one day they’ll be over it. :’) enjoying where we are. I’m hoping I can do both.

in the previous messages, you said “your hair is not ugly. it’s the way you perceive it” that makes sense. There are rare times when I love my hair in certain mirrors but every time I tried to take a selfie or saw it in a different mirror, it looked hideous (today it happened). with my looks as well, sometimes I look pretty. sometimes I don’t. I just saw a picture of me from last month and was surprised that I looked pretty? but then I saw myself in the mirror today and I immediately panicked. someone called me pretty today & I didn’t know how to feel. a part of me started to fight with myself “am I pretty or not? what are they seeing?” yesterday, someone called me cute & the only thing that went through my head is “that’s odd. what are they talking about?” I don’t know what they are seeing.

I was trying to figure out why it keeps happening everyday. why in the hell do I look different every day? what is going on with my perception? any tips on how to navigate through this? I used to think my features were a problem, but I don’t think so. I used to think it was my weight because I gained a few visible pounds. I don’t think my looks should depend on weight though……well, I think. my mom took pictures of me this weekend. the weight didn’t bother me. my stomach was even showing. it’s just some pics were cute, some looked terrible like another person (even in regular angles 😭). like wtf is going on? what do I really look like? 😔

hiiii 😵‍💫 anon <3

i've been well thanks~ actually, i've been really focused on organizing myself in a way that feels good and productive daily. i started working from home and actually, it was hard for a while to really be disciplined with myself hahahah but now i've got a swing of things and its really nice. ive been exploring new places, making new friends, and just trying my best to enjoy my time :') thanks for asking <3

i hope you can do both too! that would be such a darling halloween!🎃 hehe actually for the holiday, i'll be doing my usual tradition. eating pizza and sweets, passing out candy, and watching some of my favorite halloween movies <3 (specifically, halloween (1978) and hocus pocus~) for me these are the true halloween classics i've always watched with my family for many years!! up until then i'll be marathoning halloween dcoms. my partner has never seen any before, so i'm really excited to share that part of my childhood with them~

i think that really unstable perception of yourself is extremely normal!! it really goes back to have an unstable inner self as well. of course, some days you can look entirely different. honestly, you can even look different in the same day!! when we arent very stable in ourselves, our looks can shift and change constantly. ive truly experienced this myself, and its super trippy. more than anything, just keep practicing deciding how you want to feel about yourself, despite anything else!!

xo

[youredreamingofroo]

hey rooo 😝 4-6 for the editing questions!

gatekeeping this post under the cut, it got lengthy 🤧🤧

4: If you can remember, why did you start editing?

Okay, so this may be a little off topic, but it still talks about editing LMFAO but I started editing mainly cuz one day I saw Minimooberrys renders and was like WOW okay, I want to learn to do THAT and editing, so she was a MASSIVE inspiration for me to start, not only that but I also watch solitasims and lovvvvvveeeddddd her stuff, and wanted to do what she did but mix in editing :) (I think that answers the question, idk I guess like, I've always wanted to edit, but more importantly the want to learn how to render and also do storytelling in TS4 helped motivate me to start editing if that's a better answer)

5: if you caption your edits, what do you decide to put in the caption?

I tend to keep the caption relatively clean (tags are where you get my reaction and shit LMAOO), if you take Leo and Roos posts for example, they're song related, so I'll put some lyrics that I think correlate to them and the scenes placed in the post ("and then you looked right back and caught my stare"), or sometimes scenes not necessarily mentioned in the post, but can be heavily implied or just assume occur ("It's really nice to talk to you, it's really nice to hold your hands," which implies that they talk a lot and that they do hold hands a lot, whether it be romantic or platonic 🤧). There's other situations where I don't have a song (tbf the Reo posts were the first posts where I did put songs agsiabs), like the valentines day prep posts, I just put "valentines day preparations: [sim perspective]", or like in earlier NSB posts, I just put prev / next cuz idfk what to put in the caption. With more recent posts, ive been trying to caption the posts with something related to the characters (like cataleyas drowning post, where it basically lays out the metaphor for the post, which is "too much love from the wrong person").

6: give us a quick breakdown of your editing process

WOW okay, LMAOO well, I'm gonna have to whip out my laptop for this one

For Cas shots: Usually i put cas shots together, so first thing I do is import the images I want to use in a 6000 by 3000 canvas (to preface: I do all my CAS ss in the dimensions 3000 by 3000), and I usually choose from a few mental presets, two headshots and a body shot, two head shots and a half body shot, three body shots, and theres more to list but im not gonna do all that LMFAO so after that, I place them in their positions and then erase the black background (which DOES get tedious when two screenshots sorta overlap and have to make sure theres no black left around the sim), after that incredibly tedious and unnecessarily long process, sometimes I play around with flipping the character around (in the case of two head shots and one body/half body shot, I make the headshots face toward each other, so basically headshot > body shot < headshot- if that makes sense), although that can be placed anywhere in the editing process sometimes I do it earlier on or later on doesnt really matter lmao. Around this point, its just final touches, looking for weird shadows (which is USUALLY more prominent in blender renders, but it can happen), places where shadows look a little too sharp, and cleaning up those spots. For the VERY VERY final touches, I use sharpen and depending on the shot, contrast or saturation, I sometimes use the hue tool to make a certain color brighter or a different color, however I avoid the latter because it creates a weird effect on the picture, the sharpen tool is important for this part, because I tend to make the sharpen effect stronger on closer shots (head shots), or i dont change settings that much for decently faraway shots (half body shots) and i try to make full body shots to not have SUPER strong sharpen, but i tend to go on the lower end for full body shots aisuhdg

For in game screenshots: This is a bit different, so I import the screenshot that I'm using into a 3840 by 2160 canvas (the size the screenshot was taken with), depending on the shot i may add text, the font i use is Walter Turncoat (in most instances, they vary for different posts lmao), I make sure to color the text depending on whos talking or whats going on, a good example is in the catty drowning post and VDAY prep post, I dont do "[character]: [text]", i like the element of figuring out whos speaking (EVEN if it can be frustrating for me), i try not to make it too challenging to figure out, around my level of reading comprehension (/j), so like Catty is pink, calico is yellow, etc etc. I dont use as much sharpen with these shots since theyre clean as is. A lot of my shots like Gifs are pre-planned and thus is a different story, but in short I usually just edit the gif frames as usual and then put them together later. I also have a custom set of black bars to put around my screenshots bc even tho i do use reshades black bars, sometimes bloom or DOF messes with them, and have to put a clean set above them. I dont really know what to say that is quick, I guess for more "complex" shots, like with moodlets or text messages, i just get the assets online and then edit them for myself 😭

and LASTLY, for renders: Trying to keep this short, I usually just do what I do for the aforementioned shots, but like I said in the CAS shots, weird and sharp shadows are more prominent and I just edit those to make them cleaner and then also just add sharpen and make it brighter or more contrast-y idk 🤧

[underfelsansfictive]

I rewatched Godzilla -1.0 yesterday

Minus One was one of the best fucking movies ever I think

Ive been reading some articles and im devastated

(Read more for review + possible spoilers/stuff from interviews, there will be bad spelling)

Review - ★★★★★

I have. Literaly no words for how amazing Godzilla Minus One is. I watched it in Japanese with English subtitles and I cried 5 times in the theater. I felt so incredibly moved by Minus One its hard to start this without gushing about it a bit.

Godzilla himself is super cool. Hes well modeled, powerful, intimidating, and most important of all almost unstopable.

-1.0 Godzilla represents survivor's guilt and how hard it is to rebuild after total collapse. I love godzilla's growth over time as Koichi's guilt builds up.

One of my favorite things about Minus One was Koichis relatonships. People go from blaming him for their issues even thoghue he couldnt have changed anything to accepting him and wanting him to stay alive.

A few people who reviewed the movie said they think it's too emotional but I think its so good becase of how emotional it is. The reason its so impactful is becase it makes you feel something for the characters, who are easy to get attatched to. Theyre all really well designed, which is nice becase complex human characters is something toho and legendary kinda forgot about over time.

Interview Things (Spoilers warning!!)

I've read a few articles about Minus One now and I have 2 main things to talk about.

1. Godzilla doesn't die anymore.

The Godzilla room, a group of people who (basically) decide whats best for godzillas image, have confirmed Godzilla wont die. In Minus One, its pretty obvious from the final scene that godzilla is regenerating. Im not the biggest fan of this, becase Noriko's comment at the end of the movie, "is your war finally over?" would be a great way to wrap everything up. Koichi has healed from his survivors' guilt.

2. Noriko is infected with g-cells.

If during the final scenes you noticed the black mark on Noriko's neck and wondered what it was, we have an answer now! Its g cells, which might mutate her into a kaiju. :(

I do think if Minus One got a sequel it would be amazing, but I also think its good as a standalone movie already. Id love to hear other peoples thoghts on this stuff!!

[sparklinpixiedust]

Game

A/N: I've realised Ive never really written anything with all 3 of them together. So here it is. I think we all know by now I don't proof read, sorry.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Emerald eyes pierced at them. He was sure, if looks could kill, they'd be 6 feet under now.

He was also sure , that if this were a cartoon her face would puff red and hot steam would stream out of her ears.

He chuckled at the thought.

" I'm sorry is this funny to you?" Gwen snapped at her cousin annoyed.

" uh no?" he said, trying to hold back another smile from breaking through.

" have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you're mad?" Kevin chimed in , trying to lighten the situation.

Her eyes looked him , " well then I must look drop dead gorgeous because I'm furious"

She really couldn't believe them. Like really, all she wanted was a nice spa day at the fancy hotel in Manhattan, but nope.

Her 2 idiots had gone and decided it was perfect opportunity to get arrested. And boy were they successful in their mission.

" I just don't understand why on earth you'd do it?"

Kevin leaned against the metal bars that seprated them , his hands in his pockets as he avoided direct eye contact with his girlfriend.

" because it's something we really had to do"

" no , you really didn't need to "

Ben sat on the metallic bed across them with his hands on his sides, slowly voicing in a serious tone,

" No Gwen , we really did. We couldn't come this far and not know what could've been"

Gwens eyes widened as she almost yelled, " what could've be-- JAIL! That's what it could've been. And now it is!"

They all stared at each other in silence , trying to figure out how to break it without arguing.

The redhead was getting into her bathrobe an hour ago when her phone rang suddenly.

" heeeeeeyyyyyy Gwen. So um funny thing, it's really funny you're going to laugh so hard....... hahahaha um ..so canyoubailusoutofjailrigtnowplease okay bye"

It was then an hour of tracking down which station they were in and then negotiating with the officer for bail.

" babe, we're really sorry "

The red head glared at her boyfriend " sorry for attempting this or sorry you got caught?"

" uh we choose the right answer" replied the brunet. If they told her they were sorry for getting caught, she'd yell at them for trying to do what they did. If they tell her they were sorry for trying , she'd yell at them for lying to her. There truly was no one right answer in this scenario.

Gwen closed her eyes and pinched the bridge. " you know what the most infuriating thing about this whole situation is? The fact that this was the second time you guys you've tried to steal some stupid video and yet you still got caught. How??"

They boys looked at each other and shrugged.

Kevin had got a tip that the newest sumo slammers game was being shipped in while they were there on a mini vacation. When he told Ben about it, they both figured it would be a fun little adventure to try to steal it this time again, for old time's sake since they never really did accomplish the task when they were younger. They figured they were older and more skilled , it wouldn't be hard.

They were older sure, but unfortunately not wiser. They began arguing who would go which direction once inside the warehouse, leading to them have a little shoving and eventually tripping the security alarm.

"I mean come on. It's a little warehouse on the dock, not a super secret FBI base" she said , a little mockingly.

" Oh yeah, well we'd like to see you try to get in, Bet you can't even make it past the entrance" Kevin challenged her.

She straightened up , a little offended with her skills being challenged " oh please I could do it in my sleep"

She used to steal books from Hex's library, this in comparison would be piece of cake.

" talk's cheap. get us that game and prove it" Ben smirked.

She narrowed her eyes at them " you're on." she said as began walking to the officers desk to see how much longer the bail process was going to take.

The boys looked at each with smug smiles on their faces and fist bumped. They were finally going to get that game.

[jist6543]

Ok @fleetway-super-sonic has gone too far now, I may have been a bit upset when you didn't accept my apology, but now you've officially crossed the line, ive told you that i was letting that character bullshit go, i sincerely appolozed to you, and this is how you treat me? By not letting me live it down and saying that my behavior is pathetic and laughable, with no qualms about it at all? I admitted my faults and tried to own up to them, the only reason why I responded like that was because of how satistic you were to me, For the love of God, for the hundredth time, I said that I was letting that character shit go, im not worried about that anymore, stop twisting the knife on me, your sick you know that, your are absolutely sick, you can't even accept a simple God Damn apology, even when i admitted I was wrong for countless times, telling me to grow up and making fun of me shows that you are no better then ssj-Blake. and corection, 1 they misinterpreted a friendly compliment to a drawing, and 2 they freaking told me to f off when I tried apologizing, before i even knew why I was blocked, the only reason I got pissed off at them was because they called me names, when I tried talking to them calmly and explained that i only said their picture of brandy was cute, and they even called me a dumbass despite that I'm autistic, and wrongfully scorned me and told me to get a life, if they're gonna be that way to me, then yeah im definitely not gonna respond nice either, before signing off. And another thing, you are clearly missing the point that the reason I waited a month was to give you some space before apologizing, but no, you can't even learn to forgive people and to say I was disrespectful to you is putting a slander tone to that statement, making fun of me when I tried apologizing to you is the complete definition of disrespect, I admitted my faults and realized I was wrong which is something you obviously feel doesn't apply to you, i mean hell, your practically bullying me right now, and that's not a very mature thing to do either, so apparently I'm not the only one who needs to grow up. you were very hasty in taking assumptions about me before, and you haven't changed at all, I still like your videos and all and I'll still give you support, despite the negativity you've given me, but again I left you alone for 1 whole month before coming back to apologize, you could at least be great full for that, and your absolutely right enough is enough, I've clearly had enough of your bullying, and will stand for it no longer, if you want me gone, FINE , and I have some great advice to you as well, LEARN TO FORGIVE PEOPLE! When I say I'm sorry, I mean it, when i admit that I made a mistake, and try to own up to it, you don't laugh at someone and make them feel more bad about themselves, your 32 years old for crying out loud, act like it, I'd expect you'd be more principled than that, I don't want to keep arguing about this any more than you do, unless you decide to admit your faults as well, and apologize for bullying me, then I'm definitely gonna talk to you anymore, I don't know why your complaining of someone bullying you when your doing the exact same thing, you should be ashamed, I'm not saying my behavior a month ago was any better, and yes I shouldn't have been so persistent on telling you to include those characters, but at least I admitted my mistake, appologized for it, and tried to own up to it, before you turned me away may I add? and again I'm sorry for getting on you about those characters, but seriously please stop making fun of me, so yeah ill leave you alone now, i know your probably just gonna laugh again, but I hope you can forgive me someday, even though I see that unlikely, so yeah if your gonna be an absolute stuck up, and think that you have the right to scoff people like that despite them sincerely appolozing to you, then yeah, good riddance, but i do wish you the best of luck on your story and hope to see it someday when its finished. I mean that too, but I do hope your additude heals.

You clearly have issues, with forgiveness, I was wrong to think you were any different than ssj-Blake, and I stand by what I said before, I was not gaslighting you when I said you were acting irrational, you were gaslighting me!

[feysandfeels]

thank u! The situation is this, roughly. I'm in my mid 20s and I live in city A, where I'm very comfortable. I have all my friends here, old firndships of 10+ years and new ones. Since I'm not close to my family, they're extremely important to me. In the past two years I've maybe spent 15 days without meeting anyone, being able to socialise and lean on my friends is super important to me. I love my city, I'm comfortable here and I know I wanna spend my life here. However, I cant get my masters degree here, I'd have to do an expensive online degree and I've really been considering moving somewhere else for my masters for a while now, to use that opportunity and get to know a new place before returning here for good. I dont really wanna do an online degree, spending 6 hours a day in my room with no way to socialise and meet new friends. Ive been dating someone since november 22, we just broke up a couple days ago. I think ive sent u asks about him before lol. He lives in city B, 600 km away from me and ultimately the distance was the break up reason, although admittedly there have been other struggles as well. He said if I were to move there, he'd love to date me again for real this time. City B is far away, but it would actually offer me a good (and free) degree, its a vibrant metropolis and I could honestly do worse. The thing is, I'm scared of moving there only to end up depressed and homesick and on top of that back in a rocky relationship. I love and miss him a lot but there is no guarantee this would work out, even without the distance.

Got any advice? Both options have their pros and cons I guess

Hello My Love,

I'm sorry for the late reply but it was my grandma's birthday and a woman is nothing if not extra and we literally had celebrations for her the whole week. But she deserves it. Fabulous lady, truly.

Anywho, I have been thinking about this a lot and I - do you have a cunty friend? Can I be your cunty friend? Like I will give you hugs and bake you cookies, but can I be the cunty friend?

Because here is what I think: do not include that man or your relationship with him in your decision making process. Even though, I think distance is a valid reason when talking about North America -and America in general as traveling within the continent is not as cheap or easy as it is in other places... I am looking at you "long distance relationships within England"- the fact that you were also having other issues makes me believe that maybe maybe this is not where you should be putting your energy. If you give him a deciding factor weight type of thing then there might be chance you end up in a program that is good but not "the one", in a relationship that shows you that the problems that were not distance related are still there and well with a cup half empty. Personally, and feel free to disagree and be more of a romantic here... but personally I feel that if you guys have only been together a couple of months he should not hold such privilege weight in your life as to be a deciding factor to where you do your MA, that is something that comes with time and dedication.

Even if you do think it is worth a shot please please have a good think about whether it comes from a sense of comfort and of "hey at least I would have someone there" or the comfort of having previously been together. If this dude was not in an emotional position to put the effort to be in a long distance relationship with you then I think you deserve someone who will put that effort and even encourage you to fully look at all the available brilliant MA options you have. There's nothing wrong with him not wanting to do that and peace be with him and all that, but you deserve someone who will be there even when an ocean stands between you two.

Choose your MA because it feels your heart with joy to study whatever it is on, because you love the classes, because the campus seems nice and they have cool clubs and a nice community, because there are cute cafes and the nice restaurants, because the bookstores are amazing, because the scenery is inspiring, because you want to learn... and then jump.

Now for the MA experience and the fear of leaving home. I will not lie to you babygirl, it is daunting and settling in will take a while. This being said it will be an adventure! A great one at that. I feel these experiences allow you to truly get to know you for who you are when your familiar context is stripped away, you learn to spend time with you, to date you, to enjoy your own company; simultaneously it forces you to grow past the beautiful fence that limits your comfort space, to face the horizon and see all that land with boundless opportunity for you to build something from it and cherish it.

I know there's a fear of what if I don't meet new friends? what if my teachers suck? what if there is no cute cafes? what if I feel alone? But during those years you learn to communicate with your loneliness and find company within it; you learn that a smile is universal and most likely people will also be looking to make friendly connections; you learn things that you like about yourself that can help you grow into a new version; your teachers will most likely be lovely; you learn to love and be with people at a distance (you have an online community that literally travels with you, and your friends from home will adapt to you being away and you will not feel alone). Don't let fear of the unknown stop you, because even within the borders of your hometown the unknown will find you.

There's something my MA teacher used to say to me that I have loved ever since: be brave and head into the unknown, you never know which constellations you will find in a new sky.

Hope it helped..

sending you lots of love and light.

Ps: if you end up choosing the MA in the city he is in, make sure you are choosing it because of the program and the city... make sure you would choose it even if that dude did not live there.

Ahora sí, besos mi reina (gn)

[with-the-same-tattoos]

Okay wait what do you think the slashers would be like at college?

AHAH allright uh....... ive not been to the traditional kinda college personally, I've been and am currenly in a vocational college, so I'm not totally sure how accurate I can be w this but!!  ; v ; honestly????? Student life slasher au hcs???????? Lets go?????? Here's the ones I could think of currently, feel free to ask abt others /send me opinions abt yalls own >:0

Brahms Heelshire

Literature major. English lit? Dunno if they get seperated, I feel like I've heard that in a sentence somewhere!!

Doesn't really have a clear aim for what he wants to do after gratuation. Like, doesn't really care all that much.

However, he is actually really passionate about school and studying. Student life fits him well. He loves learning, etc, and likes to get good grades.

The routine works well for him too. At least, partly. He's a bit bad at taking care of himself, because he just puts a bit too much focus into studying instead of cleaning, showering, eating well, etc.

He really is just a massive tall guy who appears at classes wearing half pajamas and kinda smelling musky but not bad. He never speaks during class but he really, REALLY looks like he wants to "well, actually-"

Gets flustered easily by his thoughts/opinions being challenged. Not good at debating his thoughts w other people, feels personally attacked, and wants to always be swooned over.

Doesn't really talk to people. Stares, however. Like, a lot. At boys n gals.

He has like a p nice apt, payed for by his parents, nat. Its messy. Not too bad, but a lot of pizza boxes. N som nasty mags n such. Kinda empty.

Bubba Sawyer

What if..... the Sawyer family decided to farm instead of murder? Hmm....

Agriculture in vocational college mayhaps??? Economics, mechanization, kinda the technical stuff at first- but he gets interested in the sustainability, politics, etc the further he gets!

A bit of a chaotic student. Tries REALLY hard and is very passionate and spends a lot of time on schoolwork, extra reading etc. But he struggles w organizing papers, files, looses a lot of his notes and pens, etc.

He's always helpful, and like, eeeveryone likes him bc he's just so nice??? Bumbling lad but if u need a pen he will borrow u one, if u need help w schoolwork u should ask Bubba, also just super fun to hang out w !!!

He's... hes big yeah and kinda noticable, he often kinda knees himself on things and rattles tables, drops things etc, so he might be a bit distracting to students who struggle w attention :(

Chop Top Sawyer

ART MAJOR CHOP TOP BAYBEE

YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING. ART MAJOR CHOP TOP BEING SO WONDERFUL AND CUTE N JUST CREATING AND VIBING.

Nobody really gets his art. Its kinda grandiose, chaotic, colorful, kinda painful to look at, but he's so full of enthusiasm and joy and he's so nice to everyone that u can't help but to love him.

Always wearing clunky headphones and jamming to loud music that can be heard very strongly thru the headphones. But like, its all bops so nobody minds all that much?

Im guessing this is like BOBBY, not chop top, technically? Long hair Bobby in college with the weed bunts and rocking music.

Actually has like a lot to say thru art, the world just isnt ready for it yet.

Also does performance art.

Jason Voorhees

Forestry. Duh.

Good good student, good kid, solid person. A little shy and withdrawn, but, RELIABLE.

Generally interested in natural resources, sustainability, and very into wildlife studies. Is just there to stUDY HOW TO PROTECT NATURE.

Can kinda come off as scary, pretty often. Tall, muscular as hell (he works out rly often and hikes), has kinda lumberjack kinda look going on w durable pants, boots, flannels and tanktops. Looks like he could fuck shit up but if u spend just a little time w him u find out that he's just... so soft

Not like the most upbeat, gets kinda nervous in big people groups. Probs had some experience w bullying as a kid in school. The enviroment he's in now is much more mature, tho.

Also he's like 6"6 pure muscle people r not gonna mess w him anymore.

Also the reason why the dorm area around him is so fucking chill.

He has 2 knock like once on ur door and stare u down for 5 sec and if ur partying too loud and u WILL NOT BE PARTYING TOO LOUD ANYMORE.

People r scared of him but also love him

Imagine being his wimpy small roommate tho ; v ; who he's in love w and all n uhh... yeah....

[dzpenumbra]

8/24/22

My cat, Maxine, has been really hyper right at bed time every night the past few weeks. It's been very difficult to manage. I'm trying to be nice about it, but it's very clear that her primary goal is to attack and sink her fangs into my ankles, calves or shoulders, and it's kinda hard to negotiate with that. Especially when she doesn't speak English. So I have to figure out how to get her the attention and play she's looking for, in a way where I'm not really encouraging the way she's getting it. Assuming it's just play she wants and not like... a tooth problem she's trying to tell me about or something. Anyway, just finished up a little light play and well developed physical deflection tactics to get myself into bed.

I'm afraid this might be subconsciously part of why I'm going to bed later at night all of a sudden, because she's trying to claw me to pieces every night, but honestly I have no idea. If I had to put money on it, it would've been the full moon that threw off my sleep, but maybe she's part of it too. It's so crazy that at 16 she's still so youthful and playful. I've been really lucky with amazing pets that stay youthful their whole life, I hope she has many more years to share with me. Even though she goes all huntress-mode and gets me sometimes, she's still incredibly sweet and loving, and she's become very expressive. I love her very much.

I wanted to write in here about mental health stuff a bit. My personal journey and the things I've learned so far. I've been browsing #journal and I see a lot of stuff talking about mental health. Kinda duh, I guess. I've been on all damn sides of the mental health world. I took my first psych class in 2005. They taught us out of the DSM-IV, I remember that shit because a LOT of disorders in there are just... not really considered disorders anymore? I guess it was like 10 years old at the time, but it's been interesting to see the shift as we continue to learn more as a culture. I avoided meds for a long time, then when things started getting dark for me, I just said "fuck it, fix me" and let them give me whatever they wanted. My life went in the toilet so quick, dude.

The situation was basically like... no healthy family or friend relationships, trapped on my parents' property, rarely leaving my house. No where to go, nothing to do. I just became a ghost kinda, I guess. The only times I went into public were for groceries and to go out to dinner with my family, which would give me panic attacks literally every time. I got on benzos for the panic attacks. Then sleep just stopped happening. So they put me on, I shit you not, an anti-psychotic medication because... get this... it has a side-effect of making you sleepy. Right... I was on that for like a year. It fucked me up so much that they had to send the medication to a compound pharmacist who would make a solution out of the smallest dose available so I could take 1/4 of the smallest dose they had and it still knocked me on my ass on a 10 minute fuse. They threw in an anti-depressant or two cuz, you know, fuck it.

After a while of this, I got into a new phase in life - I had a girlfriend for the first time in like 5 years, I shut down a career path that really was a sinking ship, I was at a turning point and since I finally had dedicated support, I decided to take the opportunity to get off of meds.

It went bad. It was on a delayed fuse, of course, but after a summer of detoxing, that Fall got messy as fuck. I started to lose track of who I was. I had moments where I didn't recognize those closest to me, where I saw bad things in them. I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. It scared the fuck out of me. I remember having a moment where I was a total dick to someone on a hiking trail with my girlfriend and my dog. They didn't have their dog on a leash, and I was programmed to be a complete tightass about that. I feel super embarrassed even thinking back at that, though definitely not consciously at the time. The gf, no idea what she thought of it, she seemed to be on my side. But as we left that, I was so stuck in my head, so upset, so irritated, our day just ruined by this dude, why can't people just put their dog on a leash, blah blah. Time started moving different, I got disoriented, I read into it like I was "not there", like I was losing chunks of time or something. I don't know why I thought that, I have moments like that all the time, I just get lost in my thoughts, especially after some form of conflict and my mind just starts racing. But this one, I was convinced something was wrong with me. Which, admittedly, I was correct about. But it sure as fuck wasn't because I was skipping in and out of reality.

I went to the local counseling center. They had failed me a few times before, but I figured I'd give it a chance. They brought me in, got me set up with a counselor who I found out after the fact was actually a drug and alcohol addiction counselor. He was the only one they had available, I think. He was chill, but I really don't think he had a plan to deal with the caliber of shit he was facing with me. They then brought in the consulting prescriber. This woman specialized in neurology, she was a consulting psychiatrist who ended up going on to leave the counseling center and become an ER psychiatrist.

From the story that I told you all here - I shit you not - she diagnosed me with Major Depression with Psychotic Features, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and the fun one, Complex Partial Seizure Disorder. Imagine that, a neurologist diagnosing me with epilepsy. What are the chances? The weird part, she didn't even really seem to want an EEG to like... confirm the diagnosis? She really didn't seem to need anything more than a 10 minute story and then 15 minutes after meeting this woman, she has decreed based purely on my own biased personal testimony that I am psychotic and epileptic and prescribes me meds for ALL OF THEM.

I was back on the benzos, after going through literal hell trying to detox off them. I was back on anti-depressants, which never did anything good and destroyed my sex drive. I was on some weird epilepsy medications for very long periods of time, cycled through a bunch of them and they took a fuckin toll on my body. For like a year, my entire life was just taking down physical symptoms every day, taking meds at proper times, feeling like shit on the couch and watching the dogs at home. I ended up in the hospital a few times from physical side effects, the final straw being a colonoscopy at age 32.

After that, I said enough is enough. I went and got a take-home EEG thing at a reputable hospital. Humiliating as fuck to walk around with an EEG cap on for 48 hours, just for the record. When I got the results, the neurologist laughed at me and told me to get a therapist. That started a landslide that changed my life, in a lot of painful but good ways. I started to entertain the thought - "what if these doctors are wrong?"

I started backing off some meds, but the home life was... well... incredibly unhealthy. We tried couples therapy, it was a wash. We tried breaking up for a bit and getting back together, that just shone light on worse problems. I finally had the guts to end it, late summer 2018. It hurt, losing both her and her dog who me and my dog bonded very close with, spent every day we could with. But when she left, my art and music came back to fill the void. And I finally started to heal.

I started smoking weed again as a way to face my fears (I had a huge phobia of weed for well over a decade) and to connect with my brother. I started journaling and drawing, making music, writing stories. But I was living alone, smoking weed every day and then dealing with sudden unexpected losses. Deaths of friends I hadn't seen in a long time, people I grew up with, and in violent ways too. It sent me into a freakout the likes of which I had never seen. And since I had no idea what a weed freakout was, because I don't have friends to like... talk to about this kind of stuff... I, of course, genius me, go and talk to the counseling center about it. They tell me to - again, I shit you not - check into a state-run mental health facility for a 3 week general-purpose rehabilitation program. She recommended staying on-campus for the duration. I went back into "yes, doctor" mode and I... I did it. I went. I sent my best friend in the world, my dog (rest in peace baby girl, she just passed in June, I miss her so much) to live with my Mom for the whole time and I go and check myself into a place that was like basically Prison Lite. I don't want to talk about it.

I got out early, 2.5 weeks, ready to get started again. Honestly, I learned some REALLY important shit there. Stuff about family, about relationships, about setting boundaries, about getting to know yourself and your thoughts, to study and understand how they work and why you think and believe the things you do. A lot of valuable stuff. I don't know if I needed to check into that place to do it, I would never check in there again, but I'm glad for the growth.

With no follow-up plan from the Retreat, nothing on the table, I went back to the drug counselor dude. We tried for a bit. He was into Buddhism, which kinda worked with me somewhat, but I was still trying to find my place and he didn't understand where I was coming from. He was nice, but I needed something different. I met with a new prescriber, and I started tapering off the meds. Alone.

When the taper was going too fast and I was really not feeling well, I went back in to meet with the prescriber who immediately told me "no, I didn't give you that plan, that's way too fast." I literally had hand-written plans she handed me. So I said fuck it, googled taper plans and went off to do it myself. I still haven't been back to the counseling center. Fuck them.

The taper did not go well. I was in extreme isolation for several months, not seeing human faces for days, sometimes over a week at a time. All while tapering off of 6-8mg of Xanax daily, Lamictal and Mirtazipine. With no supervision. And I couldn't even get friends to visit just to hang out. It was fucked.

Once I started getting really freaked out by how scary and depressing all this was and had a few cabin-fever paranoid moments, I said fuck it again and checked into a different facility with the express purpose of having emotional/medical support on call while getting off these meds, because more than one of them could be life-threatening if it doesn't go well. This turned into a 6-month detox, one med at a time. It was grueling living in that environment, but at least I got to bring my pets with me.

Again, I got to learn a ton about myself. And make some really good friends with people who professionally cannot be friends with me because they were staff and I was a resident. So, again, I went back home - med free for the first time in like... 5-6 years? 2 months later, the pandemic hit.

Through the pandemic, I had been meeting with a guy who was working at the live-in place I stayed at - more of a Jungian, so we had a bit more of an understanding than most. That was very insightful for me. Conversations with trusted friends tend to be the most insightful.

That's most of my mental health system story to date. I wanted to sorta recap my journey to show what experience I have, and then show what insights have helped me make progress in my journey of self-discovery, recovery and growth. So you can see where I came from, and why these shifts made a difference.

I learned that I am not a "normal" person. My story is not "normal" or "average", I'm pretty far outside the realm of "typical" and that involves a lot of give and take. In fact, the majority of my life has actually not even been "healthy". Time journaling, being alone and speaking with honest vulnerability in therapeutic environments helped me get to know my own story and character much better.

The things that I have happened to me are not my fault. And it's okay for me to talk about them.

I learned that "my anxiety" and "my depression" are not magical spirits that possess my body and make me do things, they are parts of me. They are not "diseases", they are reactions. This one is a big one, that people like to push back on. Alright, then answer this. If your anxiety isn't you, then who is it? Once you accept that the voice that's stopping you from going to that job interview that will change your life is really... part of you... if you look at it with a little more creativity than just hopeless resignation... then you start to see that there is plenty of room there for internal conversation. Your right now voice and perspective and have a little chat with the anxious voice that seems to be so separate that it's often thought to be an external entity, like a parasite or a virus or something. Something to be treated with chemicals, like a bug infestation or some shit. Ugh. Nononono, this voice is simply one of your internal advisors. A branch of you that warns of dangers, that tries to protect you, keep you safe from harm and shame. Once I started opening up diplomatic talks with my depression, anxiety, panic, all of those often intrusive aspects of myself - I started learning the reasons for all the dysfunction in my life. I started telling myself exactly why I was upset, what was holding me back, it was all there. And now I just chip away at it, day by day, little by little, step by step.

I still have a lot of damage, a lot of hang-ups, a lot of phobias, trust issues, rampant thoughts and environmental programming left to unravel. The journey never ends really, I don't think. I learn new shit constantly. I'm far from perfect, and perfection sure as shit ain't the goal. But the progress I've made in the past several years of just spending a fuck ton of time talking to all the different parts of myself and exploring the "whys" in my own personal story, the origins, the logic; the progress is stunning, even to me. I think back to that cranky sick kid detoxing off of meds walking his dog with his emotionally shattered girlfriend and being a jerk to the stranger in the woods and I just... I really just don't miss him. I don't miss being him. But I remind myself... I had to be him, to learn to be me. And for that, I love him.

Now, I try to approach things with warmth, love, compassion and sympathy instead of... well, control and fear, I guess. I still have a lot of fear. The ones that are regularly coming true are very hard to get rid of. They can be very convincing.

So yeah, I guess take from that whatever you will, for what it's worth. I just see a lot of familiar posts, written by people in a mindset I used to live in, and sometimes slip back into in bits. "My anxiety is making me do this." "Why can't I just be angry?" Stuff like that. And my natural reaction I've trained is to go - "Hey anxiety, thanks for the memo, you wanna elaborate on that? Let's find a solution" (rather than letting it do whatever it wants.) "Why do I want to be angry? Do I want to be angry, or do I want to be... Heard? Understood?"

I don't know, just wanted to pass it on. It was all crafted internally so I have no idea if any of this is helpful to others, but it sure as hell is helpful to me. The more I sit down and chat with these parts of myself, the more I learn who I am, and it's a wonderfully hard-to-describe feeling to truly get along with yourself. For the most part... I think it's a big step in the transition between surviving a life that's happening to you, and growing into a life that you're participating in.

I swear, one of these times I'm gonna get to sleep before dawn.

[theloveinc]

Hi Catie,

I didn't want to put this in the replies of your post, but a DM seems too ~familiar~ so your ask box it is 😅

I've been on Wellbutrin (well, the generic version) for about three years now (?) for my persistent depression and general anxiety. It's treated me really well, but meds aren't necessarily one size fits all. It took me about a year and a half to find a dosage I was happy with - and even now I have to take an additional (super low dose) sedative to go to sleep.

As far as side effects, I mostly deal with just dry mouth which can escalate to a sore throat, but nothing major. I did recently find out that it very easily could be the reason why I have problems regulating my body temperature, so that's fun.

It's enabled me to go from barely functioning because of my depression, to mostly functioning despite my depression.

I'm not trying to sell you on it or anything, just ease your mind some. And I'm not a medical professional, so you should definitely discuss it with your doctor because your needs might have changed between when it was prescribed to you and now.

My ask box and DMs are open if you have any questions or just want to air out your thoughts before taking them to your doctor 😊

ahhh hello!!! sorry for sitting on this so long... i'm sure u already know i get kinda intimidated by long stuff, but i've totally been meaning to reply to this for DAYS!

(and askbox is perfect, thank u!!! tho we are Friends so i wouldn't have been mad wherever you left this tee hee <3)

BUT I APPRECIATE UR THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT SO MUCH! it sounds like it's been a pretty good match for u, which i'm happy to hear for both ur sake and mine. i'm laughing kinda cuz i sorta already suffer from dry mouth, but honestly it's great that the side effects have been so minimal for u.

to be honest tho this whole thing has been so crazy cuz i agree with u that meds are definitely different per person... but when i actually sent a message to my doctor about it... neither she nor the pharmacist gave me as much advice as u did, so ive been really happy to have this message since i've been scared asf lmfaooo.

(literally my email was like "i'd love to talk to u about the wellbutrin suggestion u gave me a couple months ago!" and she was like "OK i ordered for u" ..........i was like HUH?????? NO APPOINTMENT OR NOTHING???

and all the pharmacist told me was like "make sure to take it in the morning!" and i was like "that's it?" and she was like "yep :)" LMFAOOO)

eh ni whey... i just really wanted to thank u for this since it super aided in my decision making process. i even told my mom about some of the stuff u said (dry mouth, insomnia, dosage) and she was like "WOWW it was so nice someone sent u all that!!!" and i was like "yeahhh :')))" SO THABNK U!!!

today was also actually (just now really, 9 am SHARP) the first day i decided to take it............. so i'm sure you'll hear about how it goes soon.

love to u til then tho and tysm! <3<3<3

[yourclownpal]

A comprehensive list of all my Ghost au's

this post will be talking about all of the ghost au's ive created or co-created including talking about ghost au's from old fandom's that i am no longer in. if you want to ask about any of my au's my ask box and dm's are always open this includes the hermitcraft au but keep it to a minimum please also if any of the creator's of the characters have said that they arent comfortable with what im making ( with proof ofc) i will edit or delete what is needed to fit in the boundaries also another thing this is a long post if you just want the art go under the cut! this post will discuss how each au works and basic plot stuff about them the fandoms in this post are hermitcraft, epithet erased, and dsmp okay first things first-

my hermitcraft au (what a pity)-

On my old tumblr account I made a few posts about it along with a fanfic which never got finished due to me not wanting to interact with the fandom any more due to personal reasons and also I'm not very good at writing imo but I think I'm ready to talk about it again. Just keep in mind i will most likely not talk about this fandom ever again at least not on here again for personal preference : -) it was about season 6 Grian since he was who i was hyperfixating on at the time, being haunted by the ghosts of Sam and Taurtis, both of them from the old roleplay series' Yandere High School, and Tokyo Soul, and taurtis from Grians old-ish smp Evo. Since I never finished the fanfiction nobody but me and close friends ever got to hear the full story i had planned but now you will i guess. It was mainly just grian stressing about Sam and Taurtis being ghosts and him worrying about being crazy, though he would still join the hippies during the area 77 war he would be significantly more stressed especially when finding out that Sam and Taurtis have been possessing his body during the night, he’s more worried about Sam though because of his track record back in the other servers( yhs and ts) it was going to be that Sam (although death isn't permanent) would go on a killing spree in Grians body which would cause the area 77 guys to put him in the facility to see what's going on with him, and it didn't get further then that. My favorite part of this au much like all of my au’s were the design elements i had for it which i'll have under the cut with the other designs. Now for a rundown of how the ghost physics work in this world, in typical ghost fashion Sam and Taurtis were not able to touch or move anything, but they were able to interact with Grian, him being the only person who could see/hear/or touch them. Their only super natural abilities is being able to possess Grian.

Okay! Time for my Epithet Erased au!: Unlike what a pity this one doesn't have a name or a fanfic to go with it as said before i'm not exactly a writer but i have talked about it a bit before on this account along with posting the designs and general concept but i'll go more in depth here! As said in my original post this au was a co-creation with my best friend and sibling @brocolibean so go check bun out ^^ Unlike ‘What a Pity’ it was more lighthearted and comedy centric because it dealt with a bit more and also the original show is a comedy. This au didn't include the character’s epithets so they are all humans. This will also include talking about house each ghost died so if your uncomfortable hearing about that you might want to skip the ghosts portion Just like the original post I'll separate the story summary into 3 parts with intervals in between to talk about the ghosts. First we have the Banzai boys part of the story. Giovanni, Spike, Dark Star, Crusher, Flame Thrower, Car Crash, and Ben all decide to move into a house together so they could all easily split the rent since its close to their collage, the house, which they get for cheap, is aa very old house with sketchy history. But it's a huge house for cheap so they don't complain they encounter the ghosts very early on living in the house and they swear to figure out how they died so they can get their memory back! The ghosts, Molly, Sylvie, Trixie, and Pheonica have no memory! All they know is that there are ghosts! They are connected to the property of this house but if you where to get something- like perhaps a stone from the property the ghost is still technically attached to it therefore the ghost can go with you anywhere Speaking of- -Phoenicia Fleecity is one of the last ghosts to show herself, her body is found in the overgrown garden flowers growing over her skeleton, she is from the victorian era making her the oldest out of the ghosts though he death is the most mysterious -Molly Blindeff is the first ghost the group meets her decomposed body is found buried in the floorboards of the living room, found when gio decided that the house needed renovation and taking matters into his own hands, she died via blunt force trauma i will not be going into detail here because i'm still thinking of doing something with this au she died in the early 2000’s -Sylvester Ashling is the second ghost to show himself though he didn't want to, his body was found in the bottom of the pond in the backyard of the house in the garden. His body while it was decomposing and falling apart was still intact, bloated from drowning. Again i wont go into detail but this wasn't an accident time of death is unknown -Trixie Roughhouse is the third person to show themselves to the Banzai Blasters she is found in the bushes in the backyard her face disfigured from some sort of explosion unlike the others it seems like it was purely an accident, like sylvie their time of death is unknown Mera Salamin is the collages part time librarian nicknamed “the library witch” she started seeing her ghost after obtaining a neck bow with a blue pendant from a pawnshop she got it cause it was pretty and didn't expect a himbo to come along with it -Indus Tarbella is a ghost who is attached to the pendant and bow Mera wear it used to be his own until he was decapitated wearing it through he was properly buried he has no troublesome memories about what happened even after seeing his body he’s just happy to be with Mera Percival King is a security guard at the college and one of the best at that, she wields a story she got from a pawn shop as its her preferred weapon she takes her job very seriously -Ramsey and Zora both died by the same sword while fighting neither remember who wielded the sword, even after death they hate each other and hate being bound together even more Everyone ends up meeting and finding out they all have ghost hijinks ensue. The way ghosts work in this world is a bit strange I'll admit but it's one of my favorites. The ghosts can interact with the human world(menma style) but

they can only talk to the others who can see them (the Banzai Blasters, mera and percy) and the ghosts can interact with each other ghosts in this au attach themselves to an item or property that has someway to do with their death, the kids in the property, Indus it's the bow, and the sword duo is well, the sword Percy carries. As alluded to from before Gio and the rest of the boys end up carrying a bit of the property with them in the form of friendship bracelets four for each of them which makes 28 different bracelets so the kids can decide who to follow around for the day.i talked about how percy and Mera’s items work enough but i would like to mention that Indus does most of the heavy lifting around the library but becaus enoone else can see indus they assume she’s magical, the glowing pendant doesn't help.

The last two au’s i want to talk about are both dream smp au’s

though i've never talked about them online until now, again thanks to @brocolibean for letting me brain vomit my way through these au’s and helping me out with things i love them please check him out I'll be honest i'm so scared of this fandom so i'm afraid to talk about my au’s please be nice to me Also this is all roleplay and fiction!<3 The first one i'll talking about is the dsmp ghost hunters au Sam runs a company where groups of people hunt ghosts for money! Those groups being Phil, Technoblade, Wilbur,Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo Dream, George, Sapnap, Quackity, Karl Bad, ant, Skeppy, and Puffy There’s most likely more but there the only people i can think of at this moment The only canonical ghost being Schlatt This au doesn't have a proper story perse it's more about gags and stuff about the different character fighting over ghosts for money but the story stuff i do have- Sbi family dynamic is real here you can rejoice, Phil adopts Tubbo after his dad (Schlatt) kicks the bucket and fucking dies , Tubbo befriend’s Ranboo some mysterious teen who just desperately needs a job so he- and the rest of the Minecraft family help him get one- though they find out Ranboo isnt as human as he was made out to be and he finds out he’s this worlds version of angels called ender’s and he’s there to protect Tubbo and Tommy which explains why the more violent ghosts start being less violent at the arrival of Ranboo joining their team. Bad isn't human either being a demon his entire group know’s plus quackity. Quackity found out but squirting him with holy water through a water gun but don't worry he promised not to tell anyone; -) Bad and Ranboo know about each other because they see each other as their true forms The minecraft fam found out about Schlatt being a ghost through Tommy- despite Tubbo telling him not to- telling them from calling up and paying for them to investigate their own house saying “technically i didn't tell them” they ended up not getting rid of Schlatt though I'm not going to talk about how the ghosts here work because it's not super important to the plot

The second au is another ghost au where the main characters are ghosts themselves,

like the others its mainly lighthearted and comedic with dark attributes The plot surrounds the sbi family moving into a new house and Tommy finding out it's being haunted by two ghost’s. Those ghosts being Tubbo and Ranboo This au isn't fully figured out but I know that he found out he was haunted by sending a selfie to someone(possibly Drista and Purpled? Since there are only other minors who were part of the dsmp lore? But ultimately idk) and them being like “yo i didn't know you had friends” and him being like “?????” Tubbo died from a boiler exploding and Ranboo died from drowning (which are apparently my two favorite deaths) this also doesn't have an official story? It was just an excuse to make ghost designs with a bit of a story without the commitment As said before it's a sbi au but also a Dadschlatt au cuz I like Dadschlatt au’s. The main story bits i have are background stuff for Tubbo and Ranboo which ill elaborate now The house was originally meant to be just a summer home because it had a large lake in the backyard Ranboo’s family would go there often but that doesn't mean his family liked him very much because of his heterochromia, Vitiligo, and his height his family thought he was strayed from god and drowned him Tubbo died during sleep while Schlatt wasn't home either out drinking or just at work he came home to the house being partially blown up and his son nowhere to be seen he calls Puffy out of fear and she calls the cops. He moves away and most likely starts drinking a bit more. The house gets rebuilt and now the sbi live there hijinks ensue! The ghosts in this au work in a simpler manor only Tommy can see them unless a photo is taken but even then they are blurred, they can float and go through walls and their ability to touch things is limited Ranboo’s memory is worse then Tubbo’s but Tubbo’s isn’t much better.

below the cut will be designs and stuff be safe pal's- there will be minor/cartoony blood-

rip me exposing my old art on this account also i'm ripping these from my fucking amino account that i don't use but still have the password too

gonna do the original what a pity drawins first them ill show a more recent rendition because i hate the old drawings

these are the old drawins i hate them

then,,, i just drew them,,,,, fuck these guys/j

thses are the old sprite edits of these four! trixies design is the only one that really changed

the ded;-; i couldnt fit him on the page

there he is! ft indus and very much alive mera(who i cant figure out how to FUCKING DRAW-)

gay's get wilbur'd/j

they lookin for ghosts

the whole fmaily is here but its quality is shit

these bitches dead! good for them,,, good for them,,,,,,/j/rp

[atiny-piratequeen]

Hey Fie. I've sent you a few asks in the past, like probably last year? I'm not super active on Tumblr at all, or social media in general but I do time to time open the app to see if you and two other blogs I follow have released any new works or chapters to series I follow. I believe I found you from AtT, but all of your other works are so good too. I love your ideas and how you write. I'm sure you know that even if you can write well, if the ideas are shit it doesn't matter. But you write well and your ideas are fun and new and sometimes heartbreaking but still so so intriguing. Not to mention that you go out of your way to make sure alltiny (get it) are included, and also just... within AtT alone you have been so inclusive and its so nice to see various forms of representation in such passive ways rather than making them the token character of That Thing (I've said it to you before but like how your trans characters are trans but it's just a fact about them, not their storyline. That's so important for trans youth to see that they have more than one story, that they are more than A Trans Person) gosh and all the different backgrounds you gave the ateez members, all the different cultures you've included. Okay I don't wanna ramble too much but just know I really love that you're inclusive in such a natural way. I hope in those times you get down in the dumps you can remember that you've been such a good and helpful human to others through your writing, and also through your asks idk I just always smile when I see your interactions with your followers and anontiny cause you're always so sweet and encouraging. I don't really remember why I decided to send this now. But it was something about you responding to an ask and I read it and was all "man. Fie is great. What a great person. Love Fie." Something very much like that. I hope you have a great one (what the one is, is for you to decide. I'm a reasonable person hahaha). Thank you for being such a great human

I..🥺

Thank you so much. Really, thank you so so much, anontiny. I do have,,,a lot of times where I second guess if I'm doing enough with my works, if I'm doing too much with some of them but I really, really appreciate this ask so much.

I've always wanted to share my works in a way that made folks feel like they walked away with something they maybe didn't know about before, because there's things even I didnt know about before I sat down and studied for it.

Something that people who maybe don't have their culture mentioned much in fics if its not from other people from their cultures, can sit and go "wait holy shit that's not only my culture for once, but also its accurate".

And something that makes them feel welcomed and included. I've listened to people talk about issues with not feeling included enough. I've listened to different ways some of them have said they'd feel more included if some folks just did this or that, and I try my best to make sure I provide it.

My works, AtT in particular, are long, they take forever to write, even longer for me to do all my homework for the details, but getting asks like this, having readers like you tell me you feel welcomed and enjoy it so much and appreciate it as such, really makes me smile more than I can ever properly convey.

Please dont ever apologize for sending me asks. Especially not ones like this, i dont care how long or short it is, don't ever apologize for sending me asks like this where you tell me how you feel or how my works make you feel.

Ive been crying since I opened this ask up and I want you to know you've made my day. You really have. Thank you so much and I'm going to keep working hard to make AtT, and all my other works, something you all can enjoy and immerse yourselves into.

Thank you. I love you a lot

[wolferals]

👄 whiskey lips*👄

arón piper imagine

*

„Hey y/n... shh wake up."

I was woken by someone shaking my shoulder.

It was Alvaro, I figured after opening my eyes and being hit by the sunlight right into em.

„Huh?" I asked tired and slowly sat up.

Thats when I realized I really had fallen asleep at the beach.

I slowly looked around and saw that the boys were gone.

„The guys are back at the house. You are burned."

He spoke in his cute accent.

I scanned my body and saw that, in fact, i was really red. Well I didnt use sunscreen because I just came down to the beach to bring Arón his phone which he had forgotten. Then we ended up splashing each other in the water and then I unfortunately fell asleep.

„Yeah. Uh thanks for waking me. Let's go."

I got up, grabbed my bag and walked next to Alvaro back up to the house Ally, their manager, had rented for us for a couple of days to get some rest from all the traveling lately.

„When did the guys leave?"

I asked Alvaro when we walked up the stairs.

„Like uhm... 10 minutes ago."

I nodded. „Okay."

Alvaro and I didnt really talk the rest of the walk. Not because we dont like each other, it was more because Alvaro was a rather shy guy and so was I. So no one ever started a conversation.

I do like Alvaro, but i feel like we just dont have too much in common.

When we arrived at the house I walked in first, directly to my room to immediately moisturize my skin from the already burned incident.

Then I took off my bikini and put on a comfy bra, a big shirt and some shorts before walking downstairs meeting the guys in the living room.

Arón, Itzan and Omar were shirtless, for whatever reason. I mean Miguel and Alvaro survived as well even tho they were wearing shirts.

„Hey sleeping beauty, uh damn u got burned."

Itzan said and put away his phone looking at me grinning.

„Didnt you use any sunscreen?"

Omar asked then and started laughing like crazy seeing my beetroot red face.

„Noo, because I never meant to fall asleep. Why didnt any of you wake me?"

-„Arón wanted to but we felt bad because you were sleeping like a baby."

Aw he wanted to wake me because Arón knew I would get burned, i told him before.

„Well..." was all I was able to say before Itzan pulled me down at my shorts making me sit next to him on the couch with me legs on his lap. „So girl, how you doin in general?"

Itzan grinned at me, then touching my cheek trying to feel up my sunburned skin.

„Im okay."

-„Can we watch a movie and order some food?"

I then suggested and looked at all the guys.

„Actually Omar cooked for us. But for a movie Im totally in. Lord of the Rings?"

Arón words made me smile. He remembered how much I loved Lord of the rings.

The rest of the guys apparently noticed mine and Arón's staring because they started making kissing noises and i heard stuff like „uhh guys hitting it off hard" of „Arón get her".

We all started laughing and Itzan grabbed my leg and said:"Yo Arón, she's my babe tho, u can have her but first u gotta pass me."

I hit him in the shoulder. Not for the „she's mine", for the „u can have her".

I've always seen Arón as an amazing guy. He's beautiful as hell, has the nicest personality ever, is caring and loving yet he hasnt had a good girlfriend at all.

Thats why he's mostly really awkward around me, he just doesnt know how to behave around a girl. Especially a girl that keeps staring at him, preserving his beauty.

„Alright let's watch a movie."

Miguel spoke and we set up the movie and Alvaro brought in the food spreading it within us.

*

About an hour into the first movie my head kept falling down and my eyes got really heavy. I felt bad because they were watching the movie because of me but i got so tired that I just got up and said:"I'm gonna go sleep. Nighty guys."

-„Ey! No kiss for papá?" Omar asked confused grabbing my arm.

„No way. You'll get a hug but thats it."

He seemed pissed but nodded. So I gave him a hug, said good night to the rest of the boys and headed upstairs.

The moment I opened the bathroom door I heard a „Wait"

from behind me.

„Arón." i smiled.

„Whats up?"

He came up to me and asked rather shyly:"Might I get a goodnight hug too?"

I smiled even wider from all his cuteness.

I took a step closer to him and pulled him in a nice warm hug. He put his arms around my waist and held me really close for a while, giving me the opportunity to inhale his sweet scent of the chocolate he had eaten before.

„Buenas noches y/n." he then whispered and smiled at me.

„Goodnight Arón." i giggled and entered the bathroom real quick.

I have never giggled from anything a guy has said.

What is he doing to me?

Without thinking about it, I got ready for bed. When I changed into my pants I noticed something in my back pocket.

It was a little note saying:"You looked pretty today."

Was that from Arón? But it seems more like something Miguel would say. I was wearing those pants sleeping at the beach, so everyone could've put it in my pocket tho...

I then walked to my room, snuggled into bed and watched some videos before putting my phone aside and turning off the lights.

I still heard the guys downstairs but I just ignored it and tried to sleep. Unfortunately I couldn't because they were talking really loud, so I slowly headed back downstairs.

„Hey uh guys?"

They all turned around to look at me.

„Could you please keep it down a little bit?"

They nodded and Alvaro said:"Of course y/n. Everything for you."

This led to even more noise coming from the guys.

All except Arón.

Where was he?

„Night."

I went back to my room and kept staring into the dark, still thinking about the note. I dont know the guys' handwritings so it really could've been everyone.

And still i was wondering where Arón had been.

Something that second made me get up to walk to his room.

I knocked at the door lightly and got a „yeah" response.

I slowly opened the door and saw Arón sitting on his bed with a lot of polaroids in front of him.

„Hey?" he spoke, which sounded a little bit like a question. „I didnt know you collected polaroids."

Before he could answer I sat next to him on the bed, looking at the photos.

„Yeah uh my mom got me a polaroid camera for my birthday and i kind of like to capture moments on instant film."

This simple fact made me go crazy. I've always been a big fan of polaroid cameras, i had 4 to be honest:D

„Thats amazing."

I looked into his eyes and saw the sincere agreement in his brown puppy eyes.

„Can I take a picture of you?"

He then asked rather shyly and smiled at me.

I laughed a little embarrassed because i really hate it when people take pictures of me.

„O-okay." I answered and smiled back.

-„Smile for me." Arón took a camera and held it in front of me.

„No wait."

-„yeah?"

I laughed again and said:"Lets take one together."

He hesitated for a second but then agreed and I sat right next to him.

„Alright, ready?"

I looked at him smiling and nodded before looking back at the camera.

-„I,2,3."

And the flash went off. Seconds later the instax wide film came out of the camera and I took it with my left hand.

„Dont shake it." Arón said.

I gave him a serious look and spoke:"I know. I have a polaroid myself."

He grinned, then took the picture out of my hand and we kept staring at it as it was developing.

When it was clear i started smiling. I was smiling into the camera while Arón stuck his tongue out looking at me.

It was honestly super cute.

„Here." He gave it back to me.

„You keep it."

I smiled ever wider but then said:"No its your film. You bought it, that shit is expensive."

Arón grinned again and then simply added:"No you keep the picture and in return we take some more with my phone, then i got some too."

Laughing I agreed. He took his phone and we started taking some selfies.

At first we really took it serious to take some pretty pictures but at some point we didnt care anymore and were just goofying around.

„I love this one." i laughed and scrolled through his phone.

I was having a lot of fun and I guess Arón did too because I have never seen this guy so happy. Laughing all the time and he literally got out of his comfort zone I could see that.

Usually he was really serious but right now he was relaxed and seemed to be happy.

Which made me happy since I knew about his past and all.

„Send them to me!" I laughed and looked at him as he was looking at the pictures himself. He was honestly so beautiful, jesus christ.

„Do u think the guys are still downstairs?"

He asked without looking up.

„Should we check?"

-„Yeah."

Arón and I then walked through the hallway. The guys made some noise so they were obviously still downstairs.

„Hey guys." I said and jumped onto the couch sitting next to Omar.

„I thought u wanted to sleep dude." He hit Arón in the leg as he sat down as well.

„Yeah but i couldnt. I met Y/n on the hallway when I went to the bathroom and we decided to join u guys again."

Wait what?

He really denied hanging out with me. Was he embarrassed?

„Nice. We actually wanted to hit this beach bar in 30. Do you guys want to come with us?"

Miguel spoke.

Im actually not a big fan of partying but right now i was bored as hell and since i love dancing, why not?

„Im in." i said.

All the boys looked at me in confusion because I usually never go out with me. They know how much I hate clubs and alcohol.

„Wow okay. Arónsky?"

Arón shook his head.

„Oh come on dude. Even y/n is going."

-„Nah I'm not in the mood to partying."

I looked at Arón and decided to work my female charme to make him go with us. „Aróny, please come with us. For me."

The guys started groaning again but Arón started laughing.

„Alright. But no one is going to make me drink anything tonight."

So we got up to get ready for the beach party event we saw a sign of.

„Back in the living room in 30 okay party people?"

Omar ordered and we all went into our rooms.

*

*

After 10 minutes of staring at my closet I decided to wear a boho dress Ive bought recently. Since it was very hot out still I only needed the dress and some shoes.

I then applied some make up, not too much though, and put my hair into a half up bun.

Then I went downstairs where I met Itzan looking just fine as always. I gasped because he looked so good. The loose shirt made him look even broader.

„Damn girl u look hot."

He grinned and put some dished into the sink.

„I could say the same about you Itzan."

He laughed a little and then came up to me.

„I like it, a lot actually."

He scanned my body, making me slightly uncomfortable.

„Thanks." i whispered and looked to the ground.

„Nah come on, look at me."

He lifted my chin with his thumb. When my eyes met his soft brown ones he smiled and mumbled:"You'll dance with me tonight, im telling you."

I laughed a little, of course I would dance with this guy. He's a god on the dance floor and I could learn a lot from him.

„Oyy guys." I immediately stepped back and turned around.

„Oh y/n lookin good!" Omar cheered and came down to us.

„Thanks." I smiled and then sat onto the couch with my phone in my hands.

„Alright I'm done." I heard Arón's voice coming from the stairs.

Fuck he looked good. Itzan looked hot, yeah, but Arón's outfit gave me chills everywhere.

„Wow." i whispered and looked at him.

Apparently I said it louder than i thought because Omar started making kissing noises again and Arón looked down slightly embarrassed.

Fuck...

„Chicos y Chica, estamos aquí."

Alvaro and Miguel ran downstairs looking good as well.

„Alright lets hit the party."

Itzan grabbed my hand and pulled me with him, outside the house.

„Jeez Itz. Chill. Im coming."

He laughed with his funny dirty laugh and started running down the stairs to the beach with me on his arm.

„Guys hurry up!" he yelled back to the guys who were just laughing at his eager running.

*

When we all had arrived at the bar we already heard some good latin music playing and people dancing.

„See u later guys, y/n follow me."

-„Wait what?"

Before I understood what was going on, Itzan had pulled me with him to the bar.

„Have a drink and then we'll dance." I laughed and nodded. „Alright, but only one. I hate being drunk."

Itzan knew that I hated it so he understood and ordered me a Sex on the beach. (Classic him:D)

For himself he got a Bacardi-Cola and some shot I didnt even know.

„And go." We chugged our drinks really fast and once the glasses were empty, he pulled me (again) to the dance floor. He started moving his hips right away and I was feeling a little uncomfortable but after a while I got more and more fluent in my motions and at some point Itzan and I were grinding against each other (in a non-sexual way tho) and I was having a lot of fun.

Itzan was such an amazing dancer and guy but still i had feelings for Arón and i definitely wanted to dance with him after that. Itzan spun me around so his stomach was touching my back. I could feel his abs just right and his breath against my neck.

„Me gusta como tu mueves tus caderas baby." he whispered in my ear giving me chills.

I didnt understand what he said since I dont speak Spanish yet he turned me on somehow.

But no! I like Arón, not Itzan.

„Do you want to get out of here hun?"

I immediately turned around and looked at Itzan who was biting his lower lip.

„Itz I'm sorry... But i honestly like Arón a lot and uh I dont want to hurt you, you're amazing at dancing but dont hate me for saying that."

He smiled and answered against the loud music:"I knew you liked him. Even though you're beautiful as hell and I'd love to have u as well. But im fine, you go girl. Get your man." Once I turned around I saw Arón dancing with a girl.

And it was not just dancing, they were basically all over each other. He met my eyes, looked at me for a second and then didnt even hesitate and grabbed her face to kiss her.

My mouth fell open and I stared at them kissing for a while before something in my brain reacted without thinking.

I turned back to Itzan and pressed my lips onto his. He kissed back immediately and i put both of my hands on his half exposed chest.

Then I turned us over so I could watch Arón in the corner of my eye. He did the same. We were kissing other people but staring into each others souls like we're crazy.

But he started it. And i wouldnt be ready to make him win. I pulled away from Itzan, bit my lower lip and said:“Lets go."

He grinned, grabbed my hand again and we left the party. I turned around, meeting Arón's look once again. He looked confused.

Well i wasnt planning on sleeping with Itzan, i just wanted Arón to believe i would.

We walked away from the beach party until I spoke:"Can we please just go somewhere else? I need to get away for a little." He looked at you in confusion but then seemed to read your face and nodded. „Claro." You two then made your way back to the house where your plan was to turn on some music and have your own party.

The second you had entered your bedroom to get changed, you heard the front door open and a girls laugh downstairs. Immediately you walked out the room again and looked down to see Arón kissing that same girl from the party. No, no, no! You swallowed and thought about it for a while but then decided to destroy this. You knew he was playing. Quickly you made your way downstairs and coughed to make them both look at you. „Hey." you spoke with a fake pissed tone. „Baby who the fuck is she?"

Arón looked at you confused. „Baby?" the girl asked and looked between the two of you.

„Your girlfriend?"

You then walked towards her and spoke:"Yes, bitch get the hell outta here."

Before saying anything else she left the house, looking very pissed.

„What the fuck y/n?" Arón walked up to you and grabbed your arm. For a bit you just looked at him and then did something you couldnt believe alcohol had made you do. You grabbed him by the neck and kissed him. Just like this. He kissed back but seemed to hesitate a bit.

The kiss didnt last too long because he pulled away eventually.

„You bitch." he spoke and it shocked you. His face was straight and he stepped back. But he then started to grin and you calmed down again. He didnt actually mean it.

„You did this shit with Itzan to make me jealous hm?" He came closer to you, making you step backwards. „Hm?" he asked again

You swallowed. He was so fucking hot.

„Maybe."

He grinned and pushed you further backwards until your back hit the kitchen counter.

„Speechless much hm y/n?"

His cockiness turned you on.

You just shook your head. „No."

Before you knew, his whiskey lips were back on yours, making you close your eyes.

He basically owned you that moment. And it was all you wanted.

After pulling away he grabbed your hand and wanted to pull you out the house. „What are you-?"

He laughed and leaned down to whisper in your ear:"We're going back to the beach but this time you'll be grindin that ass on me alright?"

[rogue-barnes-16]

SECRETS (part II/IV)

Summary: Detectives James Barnes and Y/n Y/l/n never really got along, despite being partners for seven months. You could say they hated each other, however, when James' past shows up threatening to break him all over again, the truth about their feelings comes to the surface.

Pairing: cop!Bucky Barnes x cop!Reader

Genre: angsty

Tags:

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @sinviix @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack

Warnings: abusive ex-partner, mentions of toxic relationship, hungover, scars

A/N: I'm back from my brief hiatus(?) yayy! I'm still feeling super insecure about my writing so if you see something I'm doing wrong or something that I should improve, tell me. Tomorrow I'll post the next part of The Protege, but now enjoy <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist (you can find part I there)

The moment my eyes fluttered open, my hands gripped the sheets I had gotten tangled with, trying to suppress a loud groan the would have just made my head pound harder.

I stirred and turned my head to the man lying besides me as a proof of the bizarre events that my mind remembered from the night before.

This time I was unable to hold back a now regretful groan, which ended up shaking him awake.

"what the- Fuck" he sat up, pressing the heels of his hands against his shut eyes. "fuck fuck fuck fuck"

I shifted my position in a way that I had a perfect view of his bare back.

And that view made my heart clench, because it made me remember what I wanted to talk about without him in first place.

It also proved me that, sadly, there was no way in hell that I was wrong. The patterns of the scars were signs of domestic violence without a doubt.

"Barnes" I called him, not daring to move. "we still have to talk." my voice sounded demanding, but still tender and quiet.

"what 'bout?" his eased voice almost made me doubt my gut feeling, because after all, those scars could be something else.

But then he put his shirt faster than normal, and before even putting on his underwear.

"Dot." his shoulders tensed for a moment, but he did his best to hide it from me. "what happened between the two of you?" I didn't want to ask it directly, so I decided to take the long way.

"c'mon Y/l/n" he let out a humorless laugh, getting up to put on his underwear and pants. "You're the smartest detective I've ever worked with" I managed to hide my surprise at the compliment and I sat up on the bed. "do you really need to fuckin' ask?"

"yeah" he glared at me, leaning over the bed to grab his jacket. "Barnes for fucks sake" I let out a groan, falling back on the bed after I had seen him get out of my apartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

I got in the precinct an hour or so before my shift actually started, but, honestly, I couldn't care less.

I made a bee line to my desk, not bothering on greeting my colleagues "Hey man, are you okay?" Wilson asked, probably noticing how bad I looked like due to the hungover.

"always" I curtly replied, grabbing the manila folders Y/n had been working on, and displaying it in front of me.

"Bucky?" I didn't even need to spare a glance at Steve to see his worried gaze. "what are you doing here? You don't-"

"got a problem" I muttered low enough for only us to hear it. "I- Y/n and I-"

"Please don't tell me that-"

"yeah" I replied before he finished his question. "we were drunk and-"

"Oh c'mon man" Steve sighed and I let myself fall on the chair while he kept pacing besides me. "with her out of everyone? You had to fuck your co-worker, who you've been pinning over for the last four months?"

"Listen, jerk that's not the important thing right here" I hissed, leaning over the desk to be closer to him. "she knows."

"she knew the moment that Dot showed up" he replied, sitting over my desk. "why does it matter anymore though? The trials start in a week."

"I didn't want her to know" I confessed, running my hands over my short hair. "not now, not like this."

"well there's no going back, pal" Steve said with a sad note on his voice. "you gotta- oh, there she goes" squeezing my shoulder, he got up and walked to his own desk. "Mornin' Y/l/n. Isn't it a bit early?"

"I have work to do" she replied emotionless, looking for the folders on her desk. When she didn't find them, she silently walked to stand besides me and, leaning over my desk, she started to grab the folders.

"I won't tell anyone" she whispered in a tone much softer than I expected. "it's your place to do it so don't worry" with that, she came back to her desk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was midnight and Y/n and I hadn't spoken since our brief exchange of words in the morning. Now that we were the last ones left in the department, it was impossible for us not to chat with the other.

It was Y/n who started the conversation.

"Hey listen" she called in low voice, walking to my desk to sit besides me. "I'm sorry for pushing you. I just-" she sighed, scratching her arm distractedly. "I-I just wanted to be wrong, and then" pursing her lips, she spared me a nervous look. "I don't know"

I glanced at her for a moment and, after taking a deep breath, I spoke. "I fell for her when I was really young" I stated. "Hell, I fell hard" she peaked at me, leaving the pencil she was using over the papers. "she was so charming. We got married when I was twenty-six"

"That's..." she looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face. "that's nine years"

"not really" I scratched my neck, feeling Y/n's eyes on me. "we took lots of breaks" I tried focusing on the reports in front of me. "things went south during the last three years, though. We fought. A lot." I scoffed "I loved her so I always blamed myself-"

"Bucky" she cut me off in the most tender way possible. "we- you don't- we don't have to talk about it." before I could tell her that I wanted- no, that I needed to, she spoke again. "unless you want to."

I nodded. "one day I came home late. We argued and she... Uh... Slapped me." I shrugged, not daring to look at Y/n. "and I thought, she's worried, don't mind it." Y/n stayed quiet for me to tell her the rest of the story. "slaps turned into things being thrown at me, and then... Well, you already saw it."

"Your back." I nodded at her guess. "Bucky, those are some serious scars." I just shrugged, not knowing what to answer. "what the hell did she use?"

"what does it look like?"

"I didn't look at them enough to-" I started to unbutton my shirt to take it off. "you sure of what you're doing?" I nodded, leaving the shirt aside. "Okay uh" she stood up and hesitantly traced the scars with her fingers "those three ones gotta be from a belt."

"they are"

"well then she's strong as fuck" I let out a nervous chuckle while she inspected the rest of the scars. "this one... Did she stab you"

My nod was almost unnoticeable "That's the last one"

"I wanna believe that this burn here" her fingers ghosted over it. "isn't one of them." she sighed, grabbing my shirt and handing it to me.

I realized too late my hands were shaking too much for me to be able to button up my shirt. When she noticed this, she kneeled in front of me and did it for me.

"the last time we were together, she ended up stabbing me" her jaw clenched.

"I'm guessing she came here" she got up and came back to her chair. "because you brought a lawsuit against her?"

I nodded, clenching my fists a few times in an attempt to calm my nerves. "she showed up in my house yesterday. That's why I was in the bar."

READER'S P. O. V.

"what are you gonna do tonight?" That question didn't really need to be asked, but still, I did.

"I'll stay in the break room" he replied distracted. "tomorrow I'll figure something"

Without thinking twice, I casually suggested "come to my place"

He shot me a perplexed glance "and then what?" before I could even think about replying, he spoke again. "we fuck again?"

I couldn't help but snort with a note of bitterness in my laugh. "I'm trying to be nice, what the fuck was that?"

"not sure" he muttered absently, a frown forming between his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, I think I'm too tired"

I sighed "yeah, me too" I looked up at the clock and, taking a deep breath, I spoke again "we should go home"

"we?"

"yeah" I got up, not wanting to face him for some reason I could not pinpoint. "You're staying at my place remember?"

"Y/n" he called me "there's still a week left for the trials"

"I think" I grabbed my things and put on my jacket "that we're more than capable of standing each other for a week"

I heard him standing up and I finally turned around to face him again. "Y/n, you don't have to-"

"Oh shut up" I said cut him off, throwing him his jacket. "I bet if it was Steve, you wouldn't be so hesitant"

"of course I wouldn't" he admitted, letting out a chuckle. "he's my bestfriend"

"then- I dunno" I shrugged with a grin on my face while we made our way out. "pretend I'm Steve, but stop complaining"

"That's-" he snorted falling into step with me. "that's so fucking weird"

"why? 'cause we fucked?" there was a beat of silence, but when I looked at him, we both burst into fit laughs.

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

"yeah, because we fucked" I confirmed, looking ahead of us with a smile dancing on my lips. "Where's your place, by the way?"

"what the hell? you were there last night." she shook her head a couple of times with a grin pulling the corners of her mouth. "I guess you were too drunk."

"so were you"

"yeah, but I still know where's my place" she stated proudly.

"what the f- Y/n, that's because it's your place." a snort escaped her lips. "which way, genius?"

"This way, jerk" she placed a hand on my back to guide me and, despite the thick jacket, I could still feel it's warm.

It was in that moment that I realized her touch somehow soothed me, and I found myself wishing she didn't let go of me.