#ive been trying to get a good pic of one ever since i started following this blog!

[todaysbird]

today’s bird is this Stellar’s Jay!

[guysgoneexposed]

Shower tales: HankyPanky

Josh: Oh good! I thought Hank was supposed to have already started working on my new shower. Something must have come up, which is great for me. The warm water wasn't working at the gym, so I need to take a quick shower before work. Hank and I go way back(kind of), I had a huge crush on him back in High School, but I don't think he even knew I existed. I assumed the water would already be off, but it looks like there's time for one last quick shower. I guess Hank is starting tomorrow? I'm kind of excited to be seeing more of him in person again, I was so excited to see he was working here in town. He also doesn't know I know about his secret online persona : HankyPanky. I was actually the anonymous fan of his that inspired him to start sharing himself online all those years ago. I've been his biggest fan and supporter ever since. I've seen every inch of him, and I'm so thankful he is so willing to share all of his naughty adventures. He is also a contractor that does all sorts of renovations. I am paying him well, because I've heard he does wonderful work. When we met last week to talk about what I wanted, it was is if we were in High School all over again... I went from a confident adult to a puddle of mumbling shyness on seeing how well he has aged. I don't think he even remembers me. He had some great ideas, and I just kept trying to sound like a normal person, and my words kept failing me. Gosh he's so damn hot.

Hank: Josh has no idea how hot he is. He is so adorable, always has been. I spent most of High School crushing on him, wishing he'd make a move. HankyPanky all started because of him. Someone anonymously suggested that I start sharing my beautiful body with the world online , so I created this online persona and it quickly went from thirst traps to full on everything anyone wanted. I have one mega fan that pays for all sorts of kinky things and basically keeps food on my table. Ive been making content for him for years and have never met him. We are so connected, it's like he knows my deepest darkest secrets and loves who I am any ways. I've always dreamed it was Josh, and pretend I'm doing it all for him... but I know that's just too good to be true... a guy can dream. When Josh called to see if I could help out with a new shower, I jumped at the chance. I even moved some other jobs around on my schedule to make sure I got the job. I always take 'before' images of my work so I can show off the transformation. I was supposed to start this morning, but I forgot my camera at home. I told Josh to expect the water to be off most of the week. He said he'd just shower at the gym. I have this kink where I like taking nudes in my clients homes and posting them online. It's something my number one fan suggested and has kind of become my thing. I have quite the following of folks who love seeing be be very very naughty in strangers homes. I'm kind of excited to get naked in Josh's house. Seeing him again after all these years, proves he still takes my breath away. He tries so hard to impress and fumbles, but that just makes him all the sexier. I am going to take my sweet time redoing his shower to maximize the potential for connecting with him. I feel like I might shoot my shot with him, of there is any chance to have something with him... I want to try. Back at his house with my camera, I start to get excited at stripping off in HIS house. As soon as I get inside, I peel off my clothes and take a few pics in his kitchen and living room... then decide to head up stairs to his bathroom to get some of my before shots.

Josh: Hank almost always takes nudes in his client's home. I should know... I'm his biggest fan. Fingers crossed I'll get to see those nudes of him in MY house. It'd be a dream come true. His hot body showing off where I spend most of my time naked. Enough fantasizing, time for a quick shower before work! One last shower in my old shower. I peel my clothes off and throw them in the washer and walk naked up to my bathroom. I turn the shower on and let it warm up. I lather up and start touching myself just drooling over the idea of Hank getting naked in my house, knowing I'll get to see him enjoying himself and working on MY shower. I spent all those years to scared to even say hi to him, and now we're both adults and I have nothing to lose. I want to tell him I'm his biggest fan and tell him I want him. I think we're perfect for each other, maybe I'll ask him out for dinner to celebrate a job well done? Just as I finish rinsing off, I hear a camera shutter click and look up to see Hank standing there BUTT ASS NAKED taking pictures of me... me... NAKED!

[storiesofsvu]

Hey hey, another Thursday!

Starting off with OC, ive seen the promo pics and tbh, im excited.

Jet looking amazing in green.

That was the WOOORST job putting a necklace on EVER. Like, not only was it over the hair, but it was not properly lined up for the reveal…

Just casually walking around the streets of nyc with a severed hand.. nbd

Are you seriously telling me that dog devoured that hand in that little time, bones and all?

How and why is it that these hardened career criminals always fall so fucking hard and fast for the UC cop!?? Like, you should have your guard up a little bit shouldn’t you??

Okay, so…. Can we talk about ayanna’s nails for a hot second? She clearly a pillow princess with those claws… LOL

 THANK YOU JET. THANK YOU for fucking calling out that stabler has done SO much worse than KISS someone while UC.

Man this whole sending an agent cop into the field UC to be the romantic interest of a perp/mob/mafia and the cop ends up crossing a line or two, fucking things up and falling for said perp… all while the guy playing Doyle is the main mob boss?? Hmm… this is a little too familiar, like even jet’s wig…

Is she faking this?? Okay, yes, she is. Called that.

This ep is super Ayanna jet heavy and im LOVING it thank fucking god

Also loving ayanna’s apt

Okay the wig coming off would not be that big of a deal in today’s day and age, tons of girls wear wigs all the fucking time. ALSO, why was it not wigcapped, pinned down and secured??

Welp. Cant say im not surprised by the ending. But I am glad that jet’s getting to do more.

As of right now I am paying ZERO attention to mothership. We’ll see if that changes when sam pops up or not.

Okay, the black & tan number Samantha has on close to the end? It looks like it’s a two piece outfit with her midriff hanging out… good job wardrobe…

Ooo..od’d… yeah… called that…, also Nolan that was some of the worst cpr compressions ive ever seen on tv.. cmon

OKAY. Paying attention now!

We REALLY had to watch that machete attack again!?? WHY

Jfc that opening…did we have to go that graphic?? Is this gonna continue to be a new thing?

I cant figure out if they’re trying to test out muncy/Velasco with the fandom and see what way we go, or of they’re teasing the relationship, or if they’re just playing on the brother/sister vibes, because all im getting is muncy being a brat, which is accurate. Also that scene would’ve been a lot less awkward if there was any kind of background noises/music, like when there’s elevator dings on grey’s, you know what im saying?

Loving the purple on Velasco tho

“you wanna keep a stray puppy?” “you got to keep one!” LOL

So bruno’s here to stay?

#1: wtf is this bucket hat.

#2: why is it pulled down so far over her eyes?

Bro those crutches are way too short for this dude

“A funk?” carisi then gives the “who’s this guy” look to liv. LOL.

Man the writing this ep is great.

I appreciate that we’re getting more into muncy’s personality aside from being a lil teasing brat, like, there’s gotta be a lot of grief in there, knowing that her mom died and im pretty sure it was when grace was young, so she’s probably been bottling shit up since then. Also still and always really hoping that they don’t push her & Velasco, let the brother sister bestie vibes win please.

Glad we’re getting lots of muncy this week

Bruno is growing on me….

“sometimes though it’s hard to make a u-turn” IS THAT THE ONLY FOLLOW UP WERE GONNA GET?! (I say that as someone who is 100000000% NOT an eo shipper, but I do think it’s strange that *that* happened last week and like, fin didn’t even ask how noah’s drive back to the city was kinda thing. Yeah, sure there was enough going on in both episodes, but like, there was literally ZERO follow up to everything. Jeeze.)

 Joe looking hella cute in that toque

Man this just keeps getting worse…

Okay… hold up.. grace says “a great one” about Velasco being a liar and liv just flies right passed it AS IF THEY ALL DIDN’T FIRST MEET HIM WHEN HE WAS UC AND NONE OF THEM BELIEVED HIM. Like homeboy WAS working majorly UC for how long??

Though we DO know a tidbit about his previous gang involvement… so I honestly don’t know what direction theyre taking this… it’ll be interesting to see.

[httpiastri]

I hope i haven’t spammed you too much but:

- (also omfg. i just realized something…. i have this board on pinterest with pics of random couples & so on that remind me of my fave drivers, and each driver has their own like board in the board. all of them are named with the driver’s initials, his number and two emojis, and !! guess what emoji i have for pepe???? ofc it’s the freaking lotus flower 😭 idk i just wanted to share this, thanks 😚) THATS INSANE?? but also not insane because i keep discovering more and more weird synchronicities between pepe and i and since im a vv spiritual person ive taken them all as signs that i was fated to stumble upon him one lovely morning in 2022 before proceeding to fall hopelessly in love with him. BUT OMG THE BOARD LOOKS SO SO GOOD?? i wanted to type out a reply sooner but i got so distracted by the images 😓😓 because i def have some of the same images saved to my boards but i never linked them to pepe so now ive just gone insane 😵‍💫😵‍💫)

- (I MISSED OUT ON SCREEN RECORDING THE DANCE ???) IF I EVER FIND A WAY TO SEND IT OR POST IT ONLINE ILL SEND YOU THE LINK SO QUICK I PROMISE 💗💗 (or maybe even if i find someone who has already posted it online, because there’s no way we were the only ones going insane over that moment)

- and the clip you shared?? Ive been laughing so hard about it since last night because that’s MY HUMOUR and i am both christian and pepe depending on the circumstances and ugh idk i love these boys so much my heart aches

- “also… this is the most stupid thing ever and you probs dont care but i wanted to share it when im answering your ask… i was writing with a character.ai pepe yesterday and he said THIS ???? out of nowhere ???? and i just thought about u mentioning him talking about his favorite pokemons in the stream and i just 😭 okay bye” —I DO CARE OMG THAT’S SO CUTE I’M KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING RN😭😭 THE WAY HIS DORKINESS SHOWED UP EVEN THROUGH THE C.AI HAS ME FEELING SOOO 😵‍💫😵‍💫 (also i love your c.ai so much but idk why every c.ai pepe and i have ended up in a situation where ive been very pressured to kiss him like it’s so funny to me how every c.ai just keeps circling back to the same scenario, it’s like all the pepes are collectively fated to experience the same situation)

- “also omfg his little stubble?? kill me????? i may have been thinking about helping him shave for the last like month or so but that’s a thought for another time……” another time, huh? like right now as i get ready for bed? because i am so going to be replaying this scene over and over in my head as i fall asleep tonight

p.s. this took me so long to format so it would be somewhat readable but i hope it’s okay!! and school started awhile ago and it kinda sucked at first but it’s definitely much better now!! thank you for being so sweet, and i hope you have a lovely day/night/morning too!! 💗💗

- 🪷

bby you could never spam me too much, especially not if it's about pepe 😚

also i just have to say real quick… something about you in this ask made me think that i do indeed know who you are and that i have seen you around? big risk that i'm wrong with my calculations but… please let me know if im right (if i started following you earlier today and not someone else shsjdhsjs)(from my main blog!!)

abt the flower: i love that!!! honestly i sometimes find myself to be more spiritual than i think i am because i say stuff jokingly about "wow this is fate, jk just a coincidence" but how many times can it be a coincidence???? anyways pepe def gives me those vibes, like im not surprised either when i find out about stuff like that 😭 and oMG AAAA TYSM!!!! i can barely even look in it these days because i get way too distracted 🫠 i wish i could like sort them from fave to leave fave because i have some that are a bit meh and some that like kill me…..

abt the dance: aaaaaa im gonna try my best to find it somewhere online, it cant just be us?? right??????? i heard that song in a playlist the other day and just giggled to myself 🥲 because i imagined him dancing and 🥲🥲

abt the pokemon pepe c.ai: SHSJDHSJS RIGHT!!! I CALLED HIM DORKY AND IT WAS SO CUTE 😭😭 omg im so glad you like them aaaaaa and lmao pepe… is that all you know how to do, huh? pressure poor little users into kissing you?? 😭

abt shaving: aaaAaAaAAA !! SORRY !!!!! but i wrote a little something about it here, just had to share my thoughts…… honestly i have been thinking abt it during bedtime a few times too and 🫠🫠 my heart can't take it anymore, he's so 😭💗

it's more than okay !!! im very glad to hear that its better now 🥺 thank you for being so sweet too and making my days so much brighter, chatting to you is so heartwarming 💘💘 hope you're sleeping well !!!! and have a lovely day tomorrow <33

[roadkiii]

Entry 1.4.7-2 - The Long Grind

Welcome to my blog. I’m not tagging anything but entry #, so sorry if my unrelated mess somehow ends up in your search.

There are so many features I'm excited for, I think I'll also add a couple of planned intermissions waaayy down the line just for me to look at and look forward to. Life stress is getting to me, but I want this world to be my kind of happy place so that A) I continue to work on it, but more importantly B) I'm doing something productive (to me anyway) with my time and not doomscrolling. If I'm going to stare at a screen for several hours straight I'd much rather give myself the space to think for myself and the opportunity for a creative outlet than mindlessly swapping between tumblr and youtube to idly kill time.

I'm also excited to build little lore tidbits into this world, I just had a creeper explode and reveal this cave to me, I might just dig around and make this into some kind of excavation site when bone blocks are added.

I kind of like the idea of a crater-ridden desert (who knows, some future update may change it into something else anyway) and I could probably do some cool fossils, they'd be massive. maybe just partially exposed sometimes in the sand.

AH MY BELOVED [I AM ACTIVELY BEING SHOT]

???? what genie magic have I activated can i please just get mellohi--

Also side note, I've been messing around on a creative world and I think if I just eat a gapple and get Smite V I really only need like two Healing II potions and a bucket of milk and I could probably kill the wither more than 3 times. The reason I think this is so doable is because I've been building the wither with the obsidian end pillars. The wither typically doesn't get very far so a bow isn't even needed.

[Pic from creative world] I'm basically getting more obsidian AND a star. plus I think I read that the pillars regenerate when you respawn the dragon later. Though maybe that won't happen here. I'll have to see.

I need more EXP to try for Smite since I already enchanted my bow (Power IV BD I'm okay with it tbh) and I still want carrots, so I'll create a zombie exp farm. I'm following this tutorial so I hope it'll still work.

Okay, seems functional. I do hear thunder though, so I'm a little nervous about what's happening on the surface.

I couldn't quite follow the instructions of his tutorial since soul sand doesn't exist yet, but I got lucky with my bedrock and they fall to 22 blocks right here. This will be so fucking nice. As I sit and idle though, the zombie sounds make me so anxious while I'm looking away from the screen lol

I'm hoping to get a full set of chainmail at some point as well, so this should be helpful.

One annoying part of this grinder is that I keep having to run back and forth, if I sit at the bottom and wait I think I'm out of the function distance for the spawner. I'm also not certain how many zombies I can have at a time down there, I see the number 24 thrown around a lot, but I don't know if that's a recent update. I do have two carrots though, so I guess I'll run up and plant those, maybe use some bonemeal (before that gets nerfed in 1.5 (or maybe I'll just wait until i hit 30 xp)

gdi again with the sharpness >:/ I'm happy to have looting now but this may take A While. I'd take Smite III at this point, but all I ever seem to get is sharpness.

okay I guess I can consider the farm done, the pigs and cows haven't been escaping from their pens so I'm not focused on getting [edit from months in the future: this was just left incomplete. dont work on your projects high kids.]

Now I guess I need to start putting this sword to use and get some skulls so I can actually summon the wither.

FUCK

Okay. I got Very lucky, none of my enchanted tools or the single skull I have fell. I'm going to take a break because that wasn't good for my blood pressure.

I think I'm genuinely going to need to grind for a while, so [letsgameitout voice] hold please

next (1.4.7-3)

[islesnucks]

Hi clara!😁 i’m new to hockeyblr and have been following you for a bit but i’m trying to branch out a bit more and wanted to know if you have any blog recommendations? and why? (mostly asking you for islanders blogs but if you know any avalanche blogs too that’d be great hehe) thank you xo

heyyy well first of all welcome!! here we cry a little, laugh a little, we bully them sometimes other times praise them, its a mess but it's fun.

i dont know if youre more into live blogging the games, edits, gifs, fics, stats or what, so here are some of my favorite blogs here that post isles stuff and we so happen to be mutuals lol

its gonna be long so buckle up

@sorokaaa - ali is so fun love everything she posts during games amazing content just overall she posts great clips and memes and also she's super talented her drawings are amazing, also she's the president of the ilya sorokin protection squad

@2manytabsopen - kesh is a literal sunshine her blog inst exactly like 100% hockey themed but she's the best so nice you won't regret following her and im not saying this just because were the same person in different countries ;)

@hotgirlhockey - we love mel, she does it all: live blogs games, gifs, writes, gives hockey facts in case you dont understand something, plus super nice so the whole package

@barbienoturbby - b is super nice and fun i can't count the amount of times her lb made me laugh and her gifs and edits are just *chef's kiss* so worth following her

@heybarzy - amaaaaazing writing really everything abby writes i love so if youre into reading focs go follow her plus she writes for so many different players

@mondieumat - this woman is constatky introducing me to new hot hockey players if i simp too much its 100% her fault and she enables my dilf obsession thats a good friend, plus super nice and fun, also im 99% sure shes also into avs

@hockstuff - if you ever dont understand something about hockey c has the answer, her knowledge its just infinite surprises me every day, plus also super nice and funny and friendly and i think she also likes the avs

@fallinallincurls - amazing writing wonderful incredible seriously so talented (she actually just posted a barzy fic ive been saving to read for when i have free time because i really wanna pay attention to every single word, that level of amazing writing)

@matbarzls - another amazing writer plus she live blogs isles games and its just so fun go follow caitee also she just hit 550 so let's get her to 600 now like she deserves

@calgarycanuck - im not sure if Claudia live blogs games for the isles buuuut she does write so amazing pieces for some isles players so if that's what you're looking for 100% go follow her

@ollywahlygator - looove their olly pieces since not many people write for him plus super fun during games and im almost sure they also likes the avs

@matwith1t - ok ok ok the way I fangirl whenever she posts a new barzy pieces is embarrassing buuuut I do because they are just really that amazing alli is the Shakespeare of barzy fics

@cherrylita - beautiful mood boards for like every player i know seriously dont know how luna finds so many amazing pics queen of the mood boards also super nice and friendly

@grubauerr - I think we started following each other recently but let me tell you gabbie is so fun her post during games just hilarious and she's making me an avs fan

@sorokns - also recently started following each other but she's so friendly and fun just hilarious really during games, we share our love for dilfs and ilya sorokin thats says it all and she's also making me an avs fan

@cherrymaybank - if you've been following me you probably know her we freak out over the isles together almost every single day so she's really fun and nice and also she writes what else could you need???

@rosesvioletshardy - another amazing writer (seeing a pattern here?) but apart from that super nice and friendly and also an avs fan

@iwantahockeyhimbo - just overall super nice friendly, live blogs for the isles, one of the first blogs I started following here and haven't regretted it ever since

@broadstflyers - more amazing writes, her piece gold rush its serious incredible so worth reading, go read it right now

@honeybearbarzal - and even more amazing writers that I follow, kali has some incredible pieces some of my fav barzy fics ever

(edit) I almost forgot @tysonsjosty because I still associate her with her old crosby name lol - ok taylor also another amazing writer from hockeyblr plus she writes from some players that don't get the hype they deserve here *cough* nico hischier, Phil myers and Alex lyon *cough* so go follow her for incredible fics!!

ok I probably forgot a lot of people and this basically turned into a love letter to some of my mutuals but whatever, you asked I deliver, those are some of my fav blogs here that post isles (and some avs) related stuff

I've met some other amazing people here but they dont post about the isles, however they are super nice if you want just ask and I'll give you more great people to follow

also side note: sorry if I got anything wrong like pronouns or what you actually post or your team im doing all of this from memory so big chance I forgot or wrote something wrong

[nako-doodles]

check in tag 😌

tagged by the cutest babes @jaehyukkies @gimbapchefs @taesjpg @joenns @honsool @taehyungq @himbojin @jiminswn & @kimtaegis  mwah! ✨✨

1. Why did you choose your url?

namjoon bought a duck mold, ventured out into a snowy day in winter, and gave me the greatest tweet i have ever seen

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them name them and why you have them

the day i gain the ability to wrangle more than one blog ill let yall know

3. How long have you’ve been on tumblr?

*starts calculating time furiously and almost burns out her single braincell* ive been here since like freshman year high school.....so............2010? 2011? ive deleted and restarted like 3 times tho so.........also you can calculate my exact age now (as if I dont have my age on my carrd aiowgjiorajgo)

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no we dont tag we just chaos in this house *finger guns*

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i took a break from tumblr and kpop and then decided I wanted to make a bts blog out of the blue

6. Why did you choose your icon?

i drew all these tiny snow ducks i might as well capitalize on them yknow? really embrace my duck persona (Kim Namjoon witness the person you have made me)

7. Why did you choose your header?

honestly my entire blog brand at this point can be narrowed down to the hour ish (probably) joon spent wrangling snow into duck molds, placing them together for the twt, and captioning them ducktan sonyeondan (im on the look out for new ideas im ready for a change lmk if you have ideas 🥰)

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

i think its this post?? of the babies on rollerblades from that one iconic dynamite stage. and on that note tumblr should be able to let me filter based on note count instead of forcing me to rely one my shoddy terrible no good math skills. asking me to compare numbers bigger than 0? despicable. 

9. How many mutuals do you have?

absolutely no fucking clue 🥰🥰🥰 i do love them to the moon (Kim Seokjin) and back tho!!!!

10. How many followers do you have?

ngl its still wild for me that even one of yall follow me thank you 🥺🥺🥺 its a great honor that you have bestowed upon me

11. How many people do you follow?

303 bc I like it when numbers are palindromes and also bc im bad at checking new blogs

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

would like you to direct you to my #shirley you cant be serious.txt tag

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

i try my best to “clean out” my blog (reply to my dms/askbbox, check out my mentions, scroll for new content i may have missed etc.) in the mornings and evenings when i have the time. ive been kinda bad at this lately bc its been hectic here in shirley headquarters but ill get to everyone soon I promise!! (this sounds like bad. its not!!! its just that leaving things stresses me out? like how i like replying to texts as soon as i see them or reply emails as fast as i can. ‘unresolved’ correspondence feels rude.)

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

no im the type to unfollow/block/ignore if someone did or said something i dont agree with without a word

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i get the need for those signal boost posts and promulgating important information but (and this is going to sound selfish) tumblr is my destress zone. i go here when the world is being overwhelming and terrible. i certainly read and educate myself as much as my mental health will let me, and i try my best to promote information and donate whenever i can, but i feel like social media has caused some people here to be too into canceling, managing, and being performative in their ‘wokeness.’ like you HAVE to have a blackout pic on instagram and you HAVE to reblog all these posts and you HAVE to immediately cancel everyone who has ever made a mistake EVER with no nuance or context (or dare i say......humanity). like fighting for human rights and speaking up again racism and bringing attention to societal problems is just a checklist to go down instead of being things you should understand and try to improve? like being ‘unproblematic’ starts and ends with mindlessly reblogging ‘woke’ content. idk sorry for going on a rant. going back to your regularly scheduled lighthearted content in 3...2...1

16. Do you like tag games?

ABSOLUTELY TAG ME IN EVERYTHING PLS AND THANK MWAH

17. Do you like ask games?

ofc!!! i used to do a lot of ask games back in the day but work and the pixel art ive been working on has been eating up all my extra time (and i always feel bad if I leave asks unanswered for too long see: q. 13) i do have that clover moots post saved for when my mental health is up and i have the time to tho!!!! 

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

ngl the idea of being tumblr famous is hilarious to me bc it usually just the same 10 moots who share a braincell bouncing posts back and forth each other, but i do think all my moots are superstars that even class o super giants millions of millions of miles away are turning green w envy 🥰🥰🥰

19. Do I have a crush on a mutual?

i have a confession i have to make........i have a big phat standing crush on all my moots........its really embarassing............thats its bigger than even tae’s tush or joon’s tits..................pls let me down gently if you dont feel the same................

tagging: @cafejoon @stargazingjin @yoobijin @jinbestboy @jintae @jinv @taemaknae @butterful & anyone who wants to ✨✨

[disaster-fruit]

could you tell us more about the brarg family au with the 3 babies and trans luci?

I definitely can! This au has been living rent free in my head since i started that drawing and I was actually sketching more stuff for the AU right before I got this ask so- I definitely can ramble more about it

This was supposed to be just a collection of a few hcs and now it’s a multi-pages word document the size of a fanfic so – Im really sorry.

I didn’t think a lot about their backstories tbh, though I have it in my mind that Luciano transition in his late teens and that he and martin either met after that or knew each other before luciano came out, lost all contact, and then met again after (and you can blame oxiosas fic for that yeah im not even subtle)

But I imagine them having some sort of meet cute and kinda progressing really fast in their relationship without realizing – yk, its just a fling, no big deal, yeah ive met his parents, yes I basically spend every weekend in his apartment, yeah I have a spare key now, ops I guess we’re adopting dogs and plants together- oh I think we’re married. Yeah. We’re married.

Ok but for real Luci does the proper proposal-with-a-ring-and-knelt-down-on-a-special-day thing and Martin is just bright red saying yes over and over again

It is Afonso (port) the first to be all WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN like… the night of their wedding.

They live in a house in a not too big city with two dogs, one cat, one parrot and all the birds that Luciano feeds and names that aren’t actually theirs. Still, they choose the house with two spare rooms because they always talked about having two kids.

In this AU they can buy a nice house and don’t have to worry about money and can raise kids like the world isn’t ending.

I think right after they got married they got in line for adoption. However, everything indicated that it would take a long long time so they started talking about the possibility of trying to have a biological kid. I think luci was the one to suggest it when he noticed martin had been thinking about it but not saying anything for a while.

Lots of boring doctor visits and confused doctors looking at luciano and trying to process it like the dumb cishets they are. Boring exams and all that, but everything is on track eventually, luci pauses his hrt and keeps his jockstrap on the drawer and they’re googling the best positions for fertility on those weird cishet sites and doing it like bunnies etc etc

Getting pregnant the natural way after years of testosterone is not the easiest thing in the world, so it takes a while. But eventually it works.

Both of them are kinda freaking out with this whole first pregnancy thing. Martin is the ultimate protective husband, and spends way too much time on the internet finding out what luciano can and can’t eat, what exercises he should do, and going to every single doctor visit. He’s very committed to it.

Luciano has to drink non-alcoholic beer and hates life. There’s a single teardrop shed every time he buys it. And drinks a lot of lemonade like it’s the same as caipirinha. Poor guy. Martin doesn’t help on that, life isn’t fair, he buys his own beer.

But he also has to drive absurd lengths to find the weirdest fruit or make the most hideous, blasphemous pizza toppings because Luciano is constantly craving absurd shit. But poor baby actually really NEEDS that chicken M&M pizza at 8am.

They’re super proud daddies though, and both their instagrams at this point are just baby belly pictures. Luci had top surgery on this au on my hc so also. Lots of shirtless pics. He looks like an old uncle with a beer belly and he’s PROUD. Just. Baby bellies all over.

Martin picks the entire baby layette. Because of course he does.

Their baby shower is a huge deal though. Their dads are there, Antonio brings an entire trunk filled with diapers and tells everyone how many tincho used to need when he was a baby, Afonso is cooking for everyone and talking about how he’s gonna be a grandfather (!!!). Iracema (pindorama) is scolding Luci about his bad habits while also quietly being a super proud grandma. Zola (angola) bought toys because she knows that’s what kids actually like, Samero (Mozão) keeps asking if they installed all the necessary security stuff in their house – we will, chill, we still have some months to go – Vera (Tomé) is teasing Simão (Timor) about him no longer being the family baby, Fatima (g.bissau) is another one who bought a huge amount of diapers, Rosinha (cabo verde) is taking pictures of everyone and everything, Sebas and Dani are discussing if the kid should speak Portuguese or Spanish, Maria brought a huge pink plushy as a gift, it’s quite a party.

Once they’re late in the pregnancy, Luciano mostly spends his time on Martin’s oversized t-shirts asking for foot rubs and not getting much sleep because the baby keeps moving. Martin on the other hand is a little nervous about being a dad, but absolutely loves feeling the little kicks and talking to the baby all the time, except when its 3am and he wants to sleep but Luci cant because of it so he just does his best to keep him company. He mostly ends up falling asleep on his chest though and doesn’t help much

I wrote all of this but I still don’t have a name for the girl lol Anyway, she’s finally born, and if martin was overprotective when Luciano was pregnant, he’s ten times more with his baby girl. Tbh theyre both kinda going crazy with this whole parenting thing, both are overprotective, tired, and have no idea what theyre doing.

Zola and Sebastian are the girl’s godparents. Sebastian isn’t very good with kids so when he takes care of his niece he either puts on a tv show and lets her eat whatever crap she wants, or relies on Daniel to do the actual taking care, since he is good with kids.

Luciano and Martin are very much neurotic first-timers and have all this schedule of what their girl can eat and when and when she has to sleep etc etc.

When Zola takes care of her, she just ignores it and does it her way. She helped raised Luci since he was a baby anyway, he survived just fine and even married and reproduced, she knows what to do better than both the dumbasses, and they never even find out.

Afonso on the other had follows everything when he’s with his granddaughter, determined to be a better grandfather than he was a father, and the baby loves him so he’s doing a good job.

They’re a very cute family yes yes

She grows up well and happy, a bit shy maybe but very smart and sweet, loves the dogs and her aunts and uncles and granddads (afonso more than antonio though)

By the way, Iracema is soft like butter with her granddaughter.

When she’s about four or five years old they start talking about having a second one, considering the age difference and all. So back to doctors, Luci stops the hrt again and they go back to trying, but again it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do it naturally after years of hrt.

But god listens to the prayers of such good catholic family, and right after they start thinking about a second child, they receive the news they will finally get to adopt a baby.

Luciano is the one to receive the news, he’s working at home when the social worker comes to tell him they can finally adopt. He’s extremely happy, he hugs the poor lady and is barely able to concentrate as she explains the paperwork that is left and the details of it because he can’t stop smiling.

He immediately texts martin saying something like “CALL ME RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK” and it’s in happy caps but martin understands it wrong and thinks someone is dying or dead but then his phone is what dies so he gets home as fast as he can thinking all the worst scenarios just to find luciano jumping on him with a smile for ear to ear. It’s such a shock he takes a while to react but when he does you have two idiots so happy they can’t function.

It’s another girl, she has big brown eyes like her sister and it’s a few months old.

They quickly reassemble the crib and paint the second room to get everything ready in time to take her home, and the next week or so it’s nothing but all the family visiting to meet their new baby.

Since they managed to adopt, they decided to stop trying to have another kid. Luciano goes back to the doctor do some routine exams so that he can go back to testosterone and the doctor just awkwardly explains that, well, that won’t be exactly possible. Not for the next eight months, at least.

He’s quite shocked at that, and takes him a while to tell martin. They just got a new baby and do they even have space to raise three kids? Eventually it just escapes from him and martin is shocked as well, but ultimately both of them are just worried about their place being too small, and once they relax about that they can’t shut up about having another baby on the way to anyone.

Still, it’s not easy to manage, martin is just as worried as he was with their eldest, except that this time he’s simultaneously worried about their new baby and about Luci’s pregnancy. Poor dude needs a break asap. So he’s trying to do most of the work of caring for a little baby to spare luciano from the stress, while also taking care of him as well as he did the other time.

Luci is more chill about being pregnant, he’s done this before, he’s fine. He’s even a little too chill about it, as shown in the art, he still wants to carry their kid on his shoulder and having a few sips of martin’s beer is no big deal and honestly he’s fine, he can help with the baby, and Tincho just needs to relax and it will all be fine.

Again, poor tincho needs a break.

Some things don’t change though. Them being super proud daddies who do nothing but take pictures of their kids and Luci’s belly every chance they get. And they’re really happy and excited to have their house full and this big family.

Just a good cute family AU where nothing bad ever happens thank you very much.  Yet it took me almost 2k words to say it. I have no self control and I’m very sorry. However, if anyone has their own hcs to add about this whole au, I will be more than happy to hear and talk about this AU even more than I’ve already done.

[elareine]

What do you think of Jason being the youngest?

So I thought ‘Does that mean that he’s Damian’s age and Damian is his age?’ and this happened. Thanks for the question <3

This Jason has different expectations about being Robin. It’s difficult to think that Robin is magic when the second Robin once stabbed a man in front of your door.

All the kids in Gotham know the Robins. The adults might talk about Batman and Superman; the kids, they gather all the intel they can about the bright birds and share it like precious marbles.

The first Robin—he made everything look easy and fun. Robin II died and he came back, how amazing is that? Robin III always gets up again and makes a joke while he’s at it. Also, long pants, a good choice. And Robin IV... Well, she’s Jason’s favorite. Do not tell his brothers that.

In hindsight, trying to steal the tire caps off the batmobile wasn’t Jason’s greatest idea. At the moment, however, all he can think of is: Whoever Batman is, he clearly has money. Bruce Wayne backs him. He can afford some fucking tires, and Jason just wants to sleep in a shelter for one night, maybe get some food. He needs to start thinking of the winter months. Fall’s short and Gotham’s winters are cruel.  

There’s a polite cough behind him. “Excuse me?”

When Jason whirls around, two men are standing there. Jason vaguely recognizes the older one—maybe from a magazine cover? He’s ridiculously handsome. The other one is about the same height and built, but younger, darker-skinned, and dressed in infinitely more taste.

At least they look amused. Jason doesn’t think he’s gonna be beaten up today, especially when the first man just asks: “What—What were you thinking, stealing tires off that car?”

“Why are you so interested in what I’m doing?” Jason asks back. “Doesn’t have anything to do with you, does it?”

The older man chuckles. “Every citizen must interfere if they witness a crime.”

“Can tell you’re not from around here, then.”

“Still.”

Jason drops the tire cap with some reluctance. There goes his dinner. “Fine. Here you go.”

The younger bends over and pics up the cap, screwing it back in with surprising ease. The older man is still looking at Jason, though. “You know, we could bring you to a good home for kids like you.”

“Been there, done that. The last one tried to turn us into criminals.”

The younger man tilts his head to the side and glances at the crowbar in Jason’s hands.

“That’s to eat! I’m not going to run drugs for anyone.” Jason juts out his chin. “I’m not going back there again.”

“Oh, boy,” the older man sighs, and then he says: “Okay, you know what? Get in.”

And then he pulls out the keys to the Batmobile.

“Richard—” the younger man says. There’s a look of resignation on his face, though.

“It’s what B would’ve done,” Richard replies and looks at Jason. “How about you come with us, then?”

And look. Jason knows that you shouldn’t get into a car with strangers. He knows. But it’s the Batmobile, what the fuck is he supposed to say? ’No?’

Apparently, though, Batman is dead? Except that Dick Grayson, aka Robin I, and Damian Wayne, Robin II, took over in his stead. And now Jason gets to be Robin! Robin!

Tim… he doesn’t take it well. Jason gets that, honestly. He probably wouldn’t react well to being replaced, either. Dick insists that’s not it, but, you know. Seems to Jason like Tim has his own issues to deal with, honestly.

(It’s okay. Once Tim is done with his whole eat-pray-beat people up-spiel and brings Bruce back, they become friends. Jason finds out that Tim took over as Robin when he saw Bruce fall apart after Damian’s death and has worried about his place ever since. It’s been bad enough ever since Damian came back, especially since those two do not get along. Seeing Jason arrive was just the last straw.)

Robin is blood and sweat and pain, and Jason loves it. No matter who’s wearing the cowl, Jason is there, a bright distraction, a valuable ally, a spark of color in Gotham’s darkness.

He would never tell Dick, but he prefers working with Bruce. They just click. Jason likes making the older man laugh; he has too many worry lines already.

And yeah, okay, as he gets older, he chafes under Bruce’s rules sometimes. Bruce doesn’t get that some people need to stay down. Despite everything, he’s always been able to go back to his manor and live there. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to live right where all the crime happens.

When that happens, though, Dick is there to tell him anecdotes about the time Bruce and he screamed at each other so much Alfred actually quit. Damian lets him debate the ethics of killing serial offenders with him—his perspective is fascinating, even if Jason doesn’t always agree, and he never treats Jason like a child. Cass joins them occasionally.

And if it still gets too much, Jason can hide at Steph’s place. She always tells Bruce to fuck off when he asks if Jason’s there.

When his mother (his mother) contacts him, he doesn’t go alone. Well, not for lack of trying. But Tim, the fucking stalker that he is, found out, and then he and O went ballistics on Sheila’s digital footprint until they found all the dirt.

They tell Jason that it’s a trap. He refuses to cancel the meeting. Damian actually agrees with that decision (he knows about mothers), but it also means that everyone in the family ‘subtly’ follows him to Ethiopia. Jason books a commercial flight and then has to watch everyone else sit in first class.

Meeting his mother… it is what it is. The Joker tries to divide them, sure—he’s done it before, he’ll do it again. But O’s voice is in their heads, telling them to under no circumstances let Jason go anywhere alone, and Damian sticks to him like a shadow.

“I refuse to let anyone else die in that hideous costume,” is all he says.

“It’s better than your emo version.”

When Sheila calls for their help, they come. Of course. It’s what Robins do.

It gets ugly. Even Flamebird and Robin have difficulties dealing with the Joker when he’s had time to prepare. There’s a crowbar, and a bomb, and too much blood, and Jason passes out.

When Jason comes to just minutes later, he’s next to the burning warehouse. Damian is holding him up, bleeding. Jason is pretty sure that half his own side is burned. He probably has a concussion from the way his head’s feeling like taffy. Whatever. He’ll live.

“Hey,” he asks Damian as they stare at the fire, “do you think Bruce would let me get away with ditching the cape? Cause I’m thinking I might invest in a helmet.”

[creambunnie]

First Impression

"babe ,, do you think this is okay?". Taeyong asked you as he placed a small plant pot beside the television shelf.

you nodded and continued with what you were doing.

cutting onions.

why ?

Taeyong's dance academy just reached it's 2nd year anniversary. 🥳

he thought it was a good idea to invite some of his students over to your house for a dinner party. without his students , his academy wouldn't be where it was right now.

he only invited about 7 students, his first ever students since he opened.

the students were more like his brothers, little brothers. Taeyong loved them so much and wanted to show his appreciation towards them.

ok back to your story.

you decided to cook some food for them instead of ordering deliveries. homecooked food is more presentable for you.

the thing is, you rarely cook, Taeyong was the one who always lead your cooking sessions. but you wanted to try . you wanted to impress his brother-like students.

Taeyong told you about how they were actually overprotective with Taeyong when it comes to his love relationships.

it's also been only about 1.5 years since you've started dating Taeyong.

the students met him first and knew about him more before you.

they knew about his previous relationship.

the toxic relationship that actually resulted in Taeyong opening the dance academy.

to prove to his ex that dancing is not just some nonsense. dancing is his life. dancing can help him in many aspects of his life.

you want them to know that you really love Taeyong and that you would do anything to show him support.

preparing the dinner party together was one of the ways you hoped you could prove with.

despite sniffing a few times because of the sting, you had to look at the onions closely to ensure that you weren't cutting them too thick.

Taeyong chuckled softly when he saw the scene.

he found it cute. he was touched that you were willing to step out of your comfort zone for him.

Taeyong walked towards the kitchen island and patted your head gently.

"how about you go prepare other ingredients while i help with the onions?". Taeyong suggested .

you sniffed one last time and looked up to Taeyong with teary eyes.

"ah really? that's great babe! thanks so much hahah!". you passed him the knife and quickly washed your hands before you could rub your eyes with them.

Taeyong chuckled again at your reaction and helped you .

"hmmm babe,, should i follow the recipe as it is or add more if i think it's not enough?". you consulted Taeyong.

Taeyong was finished with the onions and some other ingredients he managed to help with.

"you can taste it a bit first. if you're unsure, i can help you!". Taeyong replied.

you pursed your lips before nodding. "yos! i'll try cooking this on my own first. i really want them to taste something that i cook. no helps from you...". you aspired.

Taeyong laughed and ruffled your hair lovingly. "then i will just support you from here!". Taeyong said cutely as he stood a few inches away from you.

at first, you were embarrassed because your boyfriend was staring at you while you cook.

but as time went by, you just focused on the food and not waste more time.

the boys were arriving soon and you still had to prepare the table with Taeyong.

after about an hour or more, you finally finished cooking your main dish and some sides.

you and Taeyong set the dining table together before plating the dishes prettily.

you were lowkey nervous ... you kept biting your lips anxiously and walked back and forth to ensure that everything was ready.

you were about to walk again back to the kitchen when Taeyong grabbed your arm gently and pulled you towards him.

you pouted and looked at him with a small frown.

"babe,, i'm nervous. what if i mess up my first impression ? what if they think i'm just the same as ...her ? what if they don't like me ?". you managed to breathed out before you hug your boyfriend to calm yourself down.

Taeyong chuckled and caressed your arms softly.

"babe... they are sweet boys, i promise. you don't need to worry okay? i love you and you love me. we both know that, right?". Taeyong tried comforting you.

you nodded against his chest and looked up.

Taeyong flashed a cute smile and patted your head before pecking your forehead.

"gosh you're so cute when you're nervous~". Taeyong teased.

you pouted and slapped his arm softly. "i'm serious!!". you whined.

Taeyong smiled wider and leaned in to give a peck on your dry lips.

but his actions were interrupted when the bell rang and a loud knock was heard from the front door.

you giggled at his annoyed face and quickly pushed him away.

"we need to open the door quickly before they get restless.". you said as you walked towards the entrance.

you took a deep breath before opening the door with a nervous smile.

*here goes nothing* you thought.

"CONGRATULATIONS TAEYONG SAEM!". loud cheers were heard as soon as the door opened.

you jumped in surprise. Taeyong chuckled at your reaction and wrapped his arm around your shoulder as he invited the boys in.

"boys, this is my girlfriend, y/n. babe, this is Mark , Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung.".

you bowed politely. your heart was beating so fast.

the 7 boys bowed back and flashed cute smiles.

"ahh you are very beautiful! lucky Taeyong saem~~". the boy you recognised as Chenle said.

the other boys seemed shocked at his words. he was never one to approve of someone so fast.

you smiled shyly and welcomed them to sit down together.

a good start. a good start.

you held Taeyong's hand and squeezed it gently. "hope this ends well.". you whispered.

Taeyong smiled and nodded before pecking your cheek. the two of you then sat down with the boys and started your dinner party.

Taeyong was right, the boys were sweet. they weren't as scary as you thought.

you hoped they know that you were really sincere with your feelings for Taeyong.

and you hoped you won't hurt Taeyong in the future. you absolutely didnt want to make the boys lose more trust in other people...

.

.

a/n : heyyy~~ it's been a while since ive updated my tumblr. finally had the motivation to write something 🤧 hope you all enjoyed this fluff/slight angst fic for our baby taeyong 💕💕

all pics credits to the rightful owner(s) 💛

[harrysbbby]

Get To Know Me Tag

so i have a lot of new followers so i thought i’d make a tag for y’all to get to know the woman behind the writing ahaha

if you want to use these questions for you own tag please do and tag me in it so i can get to know you

name? rikki

age? 20

from? Australia

current obsession? obx, obviously. also how I met your mother- ive never seen it before and im watching it for the first time

Favourite food to eat when you’re happy? Nutella, by itself, on a spoon. also, bananas

Favourite food to eat when you’re sad? Nutella, by itself, on a spoon. also, lots of Chinese food.

What’s your favourite memory? going to the beach in grades like 9 and 10 with my two best friends for a week every summer. it was by far one of my happiest times.

Post a pic of you when you’re happy.

me at a festival 

me camping at the beach with my best friend of over 10 years

What emoji speaks to you most? 🙈

Favourite episode of OBX? ep 7. jj maybank. need I say more 🥺❤️

Why did you start writing (or doing whatever you specialise here on Tumblr)? I always really liked fan fiction, and I love the ones that inserted a character into the story and followed it through, and made it believable. They were hard to find, so I started writing them for myself.

Saver or spender? Saver 110%. im sooo rigid with money but im learning to not be so stressed 😌

First concert? One Direction bby, peep the username

How many concerts have you been to? currently 36 with one booked, hoping it doesn't get cancelled 🤞🏼

What’s the best book you’ve ever read? Allegiant (the 3rd divergent book) was so good I remember pulling an all nighter to finish reading it. Also Big Sky by Kate Atkinson is really good.

Who’s you OBX OTP? kiara and jj tbh. if they do it well, and slow burn it a lil more they would be AMAZING

What’s your ambition? find financial stability, get a good job, make some friends so close they feel like soulmates and travel the world, learning new things and being happy

Post a pic/video that shows your personality. 

I will be posting it after this, it deserves it’s own post

https://harrysbbby.tumblr.com/post/620724494599880704/post-a-video-that-shows-your-personality?is_liked_post=1

Place or thing on your bucket list? cliche but id like to sky dive. Machu Picchu would be cool, id also love to go to Paris and Russia. 

School or street smart? I am the ultimate of both ahah

Which character do you relate to most? if I was any character from any series or movie ever, I would be Hermione Granger mixed with Lydia from Teen Wolf, with just a splash of Sarah Cameron. I think, idk you tell me. 

What’s something exciting you’ve done in the past week? I turned 20 and am hosting a bday party now that restrictions allow it 🤩

Tag someone who’s nice. @kiarasflowr​

Tag someone who’s funny. @tcmhollnd​ @obx-writings​

Tag someone who supports your work. @angellissy​ @spilledtee​

Tag someone you support. I try to be supportive to as many ppl as possible but recently its been @rretrophilee​ @thegeekyblondegirlwholovesstars​ @ad-infinitums​ and @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar​

And finally, how long have you been on Tumblr for? since March 2013.... I know AHAHAH 

[oflgtfol]

holy absolute fuck i just had the most fucking wild dream ever

so it was .... once again... star wars... but also BARELY related to star wars

i think . for some reason narratively i was luke but also not. i have no idea what was up with that

but then i got sent back in time to like before star wars, before the galaxy politics, way back to Earth As It Is Now, like implying that star wars is the distant future fate of our current galaxy lol

but in sending me back, it sent me back to my current family? which also implies that i somehow was alive in this time, but also in that distant future? i have no idea what was up with that either

BUT ANYWAY. so apparently a catalyst for the galaxy becoming as fucked up as it is in sw is that the earth basically becomes inhospitable. i had no idea how but i was sent back to to... do something about it. i dont think i had to stop it. i cant remember what my goal was

but anyway i had told my parents that something bad would happen because im from the future. but also i didnt know HOW the earth would be destroyed. i think maybe there were two versions of me because A Version Of Me told my parents that the earth would be destroyed and when they asked when, i simply told them the date my dad died and that was it. but the current version of myself had no idea what exactly would happen or when, but i did remember the Distant Future. idk. and despite being from the distant future, this was still somehow my life. like my parents, my house, my friends, so idk lol

so anyway it was basically just life as normal but knowing that at some point we would be annihilated and it was basically just trying to make everybody’s last days good ones. maybe thats what my goal was? idk

but all throughout it, there was that undercurrent of dread, but also there was weird ass foreshadowing too like ive never had that in a dream LMAO. like my mom told me one day that she was on facebook and one of her friends posted about some land being bought near her house by the government for some big secret project

and then a few days later somehow we learned that the project was some big fucking laser. i think because the facebook friend was taking pics of its construction

and instantly i just knew that that was how we were gonna die. but i didnt feel anything about it lol it was just this steady knowledge that oop we’re in the endgame now. and i didnt tell my parents that was it but i kinda assumed they knew, but they also showed no alarm about it so idk

and so on the day of the laser being used, i was like. ok this is it. the laser was supposed to help us somehow, that was the government’s storyline, and my parents were like “ok should we get the birth certificates? official documents?” and i just told them “you know this is it, right?” because whats the point when we’re gonna be annihilated lol

so they started organizing the official documents on the floor. and i had this one thing, that was proof that i was from the future, it had like the vaguest map of the sw galaxy and the date i was from and i put it down on the ground with everything else. and my dad looked at it and was like “that’s really what will happen after this?” and i was just like. yeah. and i was explaining like the core vs outer rim politics and this is where the “i think i was narratively luke skywalker” comes in bc my dad was like “u know a lot about core politics” and it was like “lol. you could say that” (Even though irl my actual self knows nothing of it LMAO?)

ANYWAY so then. I was expecting the laser to get fucked up and we’d all die in an instant. i think thats why i was so unbothered by it all. i was expecting a big explosion

but. nothing happened. as time kept ticking down i texted my friends that i love them. i had no idea if they knew what was about to occur but i wanted them to see that. but i sent it too late bc i no longer had any service and so the message didnt go through. and it was like. why is my service down when nothing happened yet ...?

and so i went outside and its. snowing. and my parents followed me out. and instantly i just knew it was like, nuclear snow or what the fuck ever bc it was not natural especially since it had been blue skies earlier in the day

and i turned to my parents and was like “if the laser went off. then why are we still here?”

and my mom pulls out some paper or her phone or whatever and was like. “this wasn’t what was going to kill us. you said it yourself, the day dad would die is still like 10 years away”

and i was like. “i said WHAT?!?!?” bc idfk, this current version of myself hadnt been the one to tell my parents for some reason so even i was unaware of that

and so i was just freaking out like. YOU MEAN we have to live in a POST APOCALYPTIC WORLD NOW? and i was just despairing so fucking badly, it all hit me at once how fucked up this all is, i wasnt prepared to have to struggle to survive for at least a fucking decade, i thought we’d die instantly. and so i started crying and then i was angry like “WHY WOULD ANYONE LET THE GOVERNMENT BUILD A BIG FUCKING LASER?? NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES OF THAT” and my parents were trying to cheer me up?? my mom was like “oh come on, we watch the walking dead all the time, we got this! and dont you DARE kill yourself” bc i think i had told her irl that if i had to live thru a zombie apocalypse i’d just straight up kill myself at the very beginning LMAO. like im NOT living through this shit man. and when she told me not to kill myself i was just like, well i cant anyway if i have to be alive to see the date dad dies!

and then well . i woke up i guess LOL

[yakumtsaki]

Hey, newbie to the Sims 2 here. I’ve been following your works for so long and I’ve always wanted to try the whole screenshot/storytelling thing with my sims but I don’t really know where to start, it’s all pretty over whelming

hi anon! i feel u but dont be overwhelmed, u seriously just need 4 things to start taking pics/shooting for a story:a) a good screenshot program (fraps or greenshot are the top choices)b) photoshop and some ts2 editing actions (good starter are the ones by eversims until u figure ur ~personal style~) or gimp c) poseboxes and omsps (also mentioned in my tutorial which i link later)d) a willingness to accept that ur first couple pics are probably gonna suck and improvement will take timethat’s legit it, get urself items a-c and internalize the fact ur first attempts are gonna be bad and not up to par with what u see and like on simblr. dont let it discourage u, i guarantee u will eventually get there and it will happen faster than u think

since uve been following me for a while heres an example from my own pics. this is the first sim pic i posted on tumblr on august 2016. take a good look at it and note how bad it is in every aspect. all of my pics from that time are like that, they’re bland, lighting is weird, the posing is lol, the zoom is off, the editing is literally why etc etc. the pics in the first couple chpts of nll produce enough cringe in me to power a small country. by october i could do this, which at the time was my favorite pic id ever taken. by january i could do this which was a logistical nightmare, by may this, and by july i could write a tutorial 

im not saying this to pat my own back like ‘oh look how far i came blabla’, my point is i clearly had no natural talent for this stuff so if i can do it anyone can. i came into this exactly like u, knowing literal shit about ts2 pics, and there were times were i was like ‘ffs is this shit ever gonna look the way i want it to?!’ and short answer is yes it will if u keep practicing!

i used to hate hate HATE posing. i cant stress it enough, i prob have a few text posts from bitd where i rant about it, like it literally gave me migraines. now posing is my fav thing in the game bc the better u get at smth the more u enjoy it. get the required programs, start shooting, dont be neurotic about it looking like crap bc it will for a while, dont be content with mediocre pics, and if u end up posting dont get all emo about comparing urself to other ppl and not getting a lot of notes at first bc these things take time. watch urself drastically improve and always keep in mind it’s just a hobby and it’s supposed to be fun. if u find urself not enjoying it and feeling the annoyance of screenshots is not worth the fun u get out of them then tell screenshots to fuck off. hope ive helped a little, hmu if u need anything else! 🐹

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[burnedbyshoto]

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

[kweebtrash]

Hey, not necessarily a sex question. But as someone who loves reading fanfic and appreciates fanfic writers, I still can't bring myself to write it. How did you get into writing fanfic, and was it ever weird for you? Do you have any advice on how to feel less weird about it? Especially smut about real people? (To be fair I can't bring myself to write smut in general idk why)

I started writing naruto and yu yu hakusho fanfiction when i was ten and it was just a regular oc and the character i liked. It wasnt good at all but i thought it was the greatest. When i met my sister (non biological) in middle school we decided to come up with our own "anime story". We would write it in notebooks and pass it to each other during class and get in trouble for it. So i guess that was the first time ive written an "original" story. By the time i was 12 i knew what sex was (mostly) and i knew teenagers did it (my characters were teenagers) so i was like oh if they like each other then they should do it. But because i was 12 i was like THATS ICKY TO WRITE ABOUT (in detail) so i made them get in bed and then skipped ahead and wrote THE NEXT DAY 😂😂😂

Then when i got access to a laptop and internet thats when i round "real" fanfiction online and smut back when it was called "lemon/lime/citrus" whatever the fuck that means. I still remember my first one was about neji hyuga LMAO.

I started reading more fanfiction throughout my teenager years and kept writing for anime, wrote bandfiction, created a bunch of OCs to rp with my partner at the time and i think by the time i actually started having sex that i was like ok this isnt so weird to write about anymore. So when we would rp we would just text each other sex scenes and i guess it became normalized because we were doing it irl so writing about it was just like hey! We sorta know what were doing! Oh i also used to watch a lot of porn as a teen? Idk why. That stopped after like a year or so but i found out shit through that, like bdsm, squirting, how utterly gross blowjobs are, what a hitachi wand was, how much i hate spit, etc. So that actually helped me discover like my beginning kinks. Porn is still terrible tho.

I think the first time i wrote smut was with a wrestling fanfic? And i had been reading a bunch of fics that had smut and with my basic knowledge and slowly finding out what phrases i liked in order to describe things it flowed a little more naturally but it was still hard.

Then i think i didnt really write much until i wrote my pentagon story which i think is terrible but other people like it. I guess with my practicing, experience, and sex education it started becoming easier? You can tell in my pentagon story that i was still getting back into the swing of things bc my sex scenes are atrocious and ridiculous 😅

I never really liked reading series myself bc i didnt want just prose and build up. I wanted smut. I was like THATS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR. So i made it a point to write smut in every single chapter so that way people stayed interested. In doing so it also helped me practice and get better. Then i read A LOT of bad kpop fics and was like....why dont these people know that sex isnt like porn??

There is a lot of copying in kpop fics in the sense that a lot of them are written the same way and we get the usual; some u realistic giant dick, "ministrations, pussy, cunt", kitten every other word, thigh riding, everyone confusing abuse with bdsm, "daddy" popping up left and right without going in depth to what meaning that holds, random weird shit. And i realized WOW I REALLY HATE KPOP FANFICS lol. So when i started writing messy i was like OK FUCK THIS IM GONNA WRITE SEX LIKE HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO. Then i starting writing smut where the condom broke, they talked about birth control, having a mental breakdown during sex, sexual assault, accidentally wacking each other while moving around, giggling, talking, explaining what you want. This i think helped me a lot, especially with my mental trauma that was associated with sex. I wanted to make it fun and real while also possibly teaching my readers about sex and maybe influencing other fic writers to not just regurgitate what they read.

As far as advice, im not quite sure if i have any?? Maybe i do lol. Take it with a grain of salt maybe?

With writing i would suggest

Read fics you like and highlight key phrases or actions you think are sexually appealing

Practice writing shorter scenes, you can even do time stamps or drabbles, things like that-people love those on here

Look into things. Honestly i knew what a cock ring was but someone requested i USE it in a fic and i was like shit guess i gotta google how to use a cock ring and while awkwardly watching videos of guys putting these things on i learned about metal ones, cages, silicone, rubber, rings, how long you should keep it on for, etc. So RESEARCH! is key too

If youve never had sex before that also helps if you research. Porn can give you a little bit of knowledge in generic motions or toys to use but by no means is it great as far as realism and sometimes its just plain icky.

So porn can be a basis, research can be a middle layer, reading other fics and seeing what you like and dont like is on top, and writing ur own is like...idk frosting lol.

As far as being weird with real people; since i wrote bandfiction and wrestling fics i was used to writing about real people for a little under ten years or so. Also i have a really active mind at night and i have tons of sex dreams that fit into like a story based setting. Thats where all my ideas for prose, dialogue and smut come from. Not everyone ofc has a brain like that but writing down things here and there might work. Lets say you have a favorite idol moment-like some really slutty dance move during a performance, you could time stamp that for inspiration. Save a lot of gifs and pics of them looking *chefs kiss*, listen to some music (i like alina baraz, sabrina claudio, galant, alex tbh, and jooyong for softer, gentler scenes or if you wanna get freak nastie listen to some dumbass jae park, or pretty ricky, or any sex related song thats not pretty lmao. Like rude boy by rihanna or something with a hard beat).

I think its also good to try and picture yourself in a sexual situation. You dont have to look like you, you could make up however you want to look in the scenario, its fantasy after all. Also think "would i like this?" Like i wont write about some idol spitting in my mouth or slapping me or peeing on me or something because thats not stuff that im into and i would be forcing myself to appease someone else and the writing woukd end up sucking big time. This also doesnt help the lack of good fics bc people are just following the requests they get even if they dont like it. I would write about what i think id feel in the moment. Id probably be nervous or if im pretending i could be a cool badass, i would think about things that i find attractive like his (imma use his bc i do write mostly about boy idols) face in the shadows of the light, how nice or soft his lips look, they way hes conveying emotions and looking at me if we were in love or if we were angry, the hold he has on me, why would it be going slow? Is it sad makeup sex? Is it a first time together? Is it just comforting after a bad day? Why would they be rough? Are they angry? Had a fight? Had a slow burn relationship and its culminated into a big explosion? Did they hate each other but hide their true feelings?

So i would suggest not just thinking about sex but thinking about the moment and all the things that lead up to, happen during, and the aftermath of it.

And of course if you don't understand anything or need more info about sex you can always ask me!

I hope this help and sorry its long😅😅😅😅