#ive been seeing these again on my dash and wanted to do one lmao

[kaiserkisser]

mutuals appreciation post

omg i cant believe im already writing another one what- anyways again, im just making this to let all of you guys know that i appreciate you LOADS. every single one of my mutuals. doesn't matter if ive mentioned you here or not, if youre a mutual, that means i do remember you and will never stop loving you /gen. i seriously LOVE you guys. thank you so so much for putting up and staying with me, talking to me and being friends with me. i cant express how much it means to me. happy new year, all of you ♡♡♡

(i wanted to write essays for everyone wtf this isnt at all enough but tis a LONG post nonetheless lmao)

oh also a little gift for everyone hehehe <3333

@meowmaii MY LOVELY ONLINE LIL SIS ILYSMMM. interacting with you and seeing u on my dash or notifs brings me smmm joy istg and im so so so proud of you for being you!!!! i am so very glad to have gotten to talk to you my dear behen and i hope we never stop talking <333 i genuinely love u so so much thank you for being here and being yourself! ♡ help i could literally make this a 50-page long essay sooo ill stop here. for now. :333 here's to another year together and to us never stopping talking to e/o hehe :333

@thegolden-tigeress SHREEEE ARGHHH another of my absolute favorite people on the planet!!! tysm for everything!!!! i literally appreciate your existence and you so so much i cant even begin to express it ♡♡♡ thank you soooo much for talking to me and sending me asks n tagging me and stuff!!!! it makes me feel so so seen bby <33 i promise ill try to interact more with u this next year after boards r over! im so so proud of u for being here despite the bs lifes giving u!! heres to us talking more and more simping over chuuya this next year haha ily take care <33

@kavehpilled aaand hello to u my dear online older brother :33 (help am i picking up siblings like pokemons-) anw!!! thank you for regularly interacting with me n remembering me despite how busy, chaotic and CRAZY(??!!!? HELLO??!?!) life is for u :3 i love talking to u so so much hehe <3 it always makes me SO happy to see u in my notifs, inbox or on my dash going insane over arcane (youre making me wonder if i should get into arcane too.) take care noah!! you being kaveh is great and all BUT dont become overworked and broke like him- :3

@floraldresvi you ANGELLLL!!!!! i did already send u a nice long christmas tree message so !!! ill keep this short but thank you so so much for remembering me!!! ill not have been very active for a while and then all of a sudden ill see you in my notifs or inbox or dash and go 'YAYYY ITS VI EEEE!!' and jump in happiness :333 (and just you wait grrr once my exams are over ill unleash ❀✿ anon on the world again and youll be the first victim mwehehehe :333) take care vivi ilysmmmm/p <33

@milk-violet MIMIIII :3333 tis our dearest ray of sunshine, incredibly talented star, god-level pjsk player and kazuha's most beloved lover <33333 i swear, talking to you is always soooo fun it leaves me smiling without fail :33 i love love love !!! seeing your energy and interactions on my dash and in notifs!!! aaa im so glad i got to meet u n talk to u this year!!! take care n i hope we talk more this next year ehe!!! <33

@alexisomnias LEXIIII !!! another person i absolutely love seeing on dash!!!!! admittedly, i havent interacted much this year but nonetheless i do always !!! remember u n thinking of u makes me smile without fail <33 ur so so so sweet and fun whenever we talk and it makes me vv happy <333 and istg u n kaveh are SO adorable omfg i ship you two SOO much its insane djdhs :333 take care lexi!!! <3

@mlkbwunnies oh my god yinggie!!!! again, ive often said this to u but youre are genuinely SUCH a wonderful person!!!! you give off such a comforting vibe that i always feel vv relaxed n happy when i talk to you <33 interacting with u n seeing u on dash makes my day hehe ♡ youre so so very caring and kind and loving and i still cant believe i get to be moots with someone as amazing as you!! take care of yourself!! you and alhaitham are so cute too ohmygoshh :33

@damyoujackson ok so you. tbh i have NO idea when youll be seeing this. may be a month or year later when im out of the schl or maybe today (in which case im running away bye.) BUT. thank u sm for being my friend. like genuinely fgfdffg omg i swear youve been one of my absolute best friends so like. tysm for listening to me yap and yk, putting up with my weirdness haha i cant even express how glad i am to have met you jajsdj !! hopefully we still stay in touch aaajshs (also if u see this before ive left then NO we dont talk about this.) take care bro n dont be a stranger :333

@punkisntdeadandneitherami orion!!!!!! thank u so much for interacting with me!!! (i wouldve honestly not reached out cuz social anxiety lmao) BUT!!! i loveeee talking to u and seeing u in my notifs!!!! youre such a chill and cool person djsjjshs youre one of the first people who come to my mind when i think of my moots or of tagging ppl !!! thanks for being moots with me shshs :33

@fishii28 youre such a wonderfully sweet person fishii !!!!!! its always been SUCH a delight to talk to u mwehehehe :33 and omg yukifishi >>>>>> hopefully we talk more this next year, please take care dear because you deserve nothing but the absolute best in the world, and im so so happy and proud of you for still being here despite everything!!!!! thank u so sooooo much for interacting with me <33333

@blackcherriestxox styx!!!! we only started talking recently but you are SUCH an incredibly fun person to talk to!!!! youre so silly hehe /pos/lh n i love ur vibes!!! +your aesthetic >>>>> thanks for listening to my rambles XD and and lmk if u read bllk hehehe anw im so so very glad i started talking to u!!! heres to getting to know e/o better this next year :33

@fyodorsushankaaa oliviaaaa <333 thank u so so much for filling up my notifs hehe it makes me feel sooo seen <333 but at the same time please don't burn/stress yourself out!! i loooveee talking to u :333 and oof ykw im gonna fix a day to spam u in return too mwahaha :333 hopefully we talk more next year ^-^ anw thank u sm for being mutuals with me!!! <33

@hoicacti cacti my dearest!!!!!!/p ilysmmm omg somehow ur always there for me for me when i need it even if u urself might not know it shdhdbshsj thank u smm for your kind words, asks and messages!!!! i often think of you and how sweet u are!!! interacting with u is SUCH a pleasure omg and i appreciate you so so soooo much its insane !!!! sjsj take care!!! <333

@still-fatemeh @s0lace-1n-s0l1tude @magicalgear @raskoln1kovsaxe +

@softmeetscreatureplz @siimplyapril you guys, thank you SO much for tagging me in stuff and interacting with me !!!!!!! makes me feel so happy even if i might not always do the tag games <333 (i have all the picrew ones saved in my drafts lmao i promise ill do them-) anw thanks for always remembering me and tagging me <3333 hopefully we interact more next year too <3333 (had to seperate the first tags from the last bc cant tag more than five in a row :( )

alright i think the tags r over for now... im sorry if ive forgotten any of my close moots :((( but to those mutuals who havent been tagged, if u see this please dont think ive forgotten u!!! i absolutely do remember u n love u its just we havent interacted one on one much soo i was nervous to tag yall ahaha...

anw thats it i think! to every single person reading this, happy new year!!! lets hope that this is our year lmao- everyone please take care of yourselves!!! i love u all smm <333

[voltronisanobsession]

miguel finding his kid again

I wanted this to be short but I couldn’t help writing so much :/ I just ended it quickly LMAO💀💀

SPIDERVERSE CONCEPT CUZ IVE BEEN OBSESSED

OK SO!! I’ve seen a LOT of headcanons and concepts about Miguel finding his kid in a different universe and just being super protective of them, whether they’re a spider or a normal civilian. But I have a different take on it.

Imagine Miguel and his crew of spider people hunting down this new anomaly that’s been jumping between different universes, always managing to narrowly escape them. Miguel is super frustrated because not one of them is able to capture this villain? Person? Ugh he doesn’t have enough time to care with all the mayhem they’re causing.

This new anomaly, aka Reader, happened to gain these freak new abilities after the events in ITSV that allows them to tear a hole in any universe and travel through it. Of course they have no idea which universe their new powers will take them to so it’s always a 50/50 chance with it.

But the real problem that makes reader a ‘threat’ to the spider society is when they stay too long in a universe, things start slowly glitching out and causing destruction to the world. They’re just too strong that it breaks the balance of any universe they stay in. Kind of like tipping the scale sort of deal!

Which is why homeboy Miguel wants Reader detained asap before they cause a whole universe to collapse on itself. But like! It’s not the readers fault really!! They just don’t know how to control their powers and having a bunch of adults viciously chase them around really does something to a kid (looking at you Miles💀)

But constantly running away from superheroes while wearing a mask does begin painting them in a villain light💔

So imagine Reader gets cornered at last by Miguel, Jess, and some other spiders.

“Guys, I promise it’s not what it looks like. I’m just a normal person, I’m practically harmless!” They say as they bump against the building behind them, watching in horror as it begins to glitch at the contact they made.

Despite the teens voice sounding familiar, Miguel brushes it off and scoffs.

“Ha, harmless. Don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be.”

Reader has no idea what the spider society is gonna do to them so they can only glitch a hole in the building behind them and run away in fear. Miguel is absolutely fed up with them and just dashes after Reader, chasing them up buildings as they glitch around. He knows he’s running out of time since this usually only happens when they’re getting ready to open a portal.

He would manage to get a hold of their hoodies sleeve before they go tumbling down to the ground, mask yanked off to properly breath in some air. Reader opens a portal, trying to stand up and stumbling a bit, looking back to Miguel.

Just as he’s about to run towards them and tackle them to the ground, his breath gets caught in his throat, heart suddenly beating erratically.

He recognizes their hair, the shape of their face, sees the fear in their eyes. He literally cannot move. Miguel is frozen at his spot, body trembling at the sight of you. His child. His dead child.

“y/n?” His voice would almost be a whisper, but reader hears. They can only stare in shock at the sound of their name, slowly backing up.

“How do you know my name?”

This dude would get some major flash backs, from his old life, to when he caused a universe’s destruction. Everything he swore to protect, to love, he failed. He failed reader twice, so it’s understandable that Miguel might be a little afraid of you.

He would not move an inch even after readers gone, Jess having to snap him back to reality. Miguel was not ready to get a smack to the face with seeing Reader again after all this time and pain.

This is what I wanted to talk about originally. After seeing his kid again, instead of growing desperate to create a new relationship with them, he’s just afraid. He’s scared of a repeat after what happened before. Miguel wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of reader, they remind him too much of what he’s lost.

I think he would step down in being about of the chase for Reader, he can’t go after them after finding out their his child. Well, in a different universe, their his child. He’s too afraid to face them again. Too afraid of the memories they bring.

It’s only when they accidentally glitch into his office that he’s forced to come face with them again. And when he does, he tries his best to get away from them💀💀💀 like bro is webbing away, powering up his platform and getting lifted up into the air away from them.

Which would totally be fine with Reader hadn’t they been chased down by this man for a couple of weeks. Why isn’t he trying to attack them? What’s the sudden mood change? Is he afraid of what they could do?

They can only clumsily climb their way up to him while asking him questions.

“Um, I know we got off the wrong foot but- urgh! Almost slipped haha! Anyways like I was saying! What’s your name? Oh and why are you trying to get away from me?”

They would be right in front of Miguel, a few feet away from where they’re hanging and he would just turn around, back facing them while they grunt in annoyance.

“You stopped going with your little gang. I know I’ve been zapping all over the place but was it something I did? Hey are you ok??”

Miguel’s body would move as he tries to stifle his quiet sobs at the sound of your voice. Oh god did he miss you. But he can’t get close to reader again. Not after what happened last time.

“I think I have tissue somewhere in my poCKEETTT-!” Miguel’s immediately webbing reader towards him as they slip off the pipe they were standing on, making a free fall

He lets out a shaky breath at the sight of you alright in his arms again. He can’t control his urges as he hugs reader tightly, letting soft apologies fall from his lips.

All this is happening and reader is just so dumbfounded. They could only awkwardly pat his arm and accept his apologies. You didn’t know he was THAT sorry for chasing you around universes.

“I missed you so much. I never wanted that to happen to you, mi corazon. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about man but thanks I guess?”

He’s sniffling as he releases you, eyebrows furrowed as he holds you by the shoulders. It’s only when he realizes reader has no idea who he is that his heart sinks.

“My dad died when I was young. Like toddler young. I never got to know him.”

You don’t know how to feel when Miguel reveals that he was your father, not the same dad from your universe, but a different variant.

This begins the weird growing relationship between the two of them. Miguel tries his best to put distance between them while Reader is just super eager to know more about him! His favorite foods, how he created this spider society, what happened to the different variant of you that clearly has him shaken up!

It would take a bit of time before Miguel slowly lets down his guard again. Allowing reader into his heart again for the third time.

[levi501ackerman]

That Day | Levi x Reader Angst

masterlist

Summary: Ever since That Day . . . Anytime you became lucid, Levi spent all the time with you that you could offer him.

Word Count: 10.1k ( about 50 mins to read)

Megan's Note: This popped into my head the other day and I had tunnel vision to write this. I have written 90% of Part 3 of Allegiance. I decided to write this in one part and it's not entirely proof read cuz now that I am done I need to focus on finals LMAO. Posted: 5/2/24

TRIGGER WARNING: torture, scars, mentions of underweight. (please lmk if there's anything else I should add because I've never written anything this dark.) It's supposed to be angsty AF. Please know I did my best and I understand for having medical stuff wrong or something unrealistic. Enjoy and lmk if you cried cuz I cried.

“This will not be discussed again,” Levi said firmly to the girl in front of his desk. She was frustrated and tearing up. Her dark hair was long and the girl had her arms crossed. Levi started pretending to read, hoping the girl would get the idea to leave. Annoyance crept up because the girl was still in front of Levi. He had nothing left to say. “Please, leave. I don’t want to discuss anything un-scout-related with you.” The girl sighed and headed toward the door. Before she could get near the threshold, there was a knock from outside.  

“Captain Levi, It’s Eren Jaeger.” The voice said behind the door. The girl glanced at Levi and then opened the door for him. Eren’s eyebrows were furrowed and raised, his eyes alert. Then suddenly dropped to confusion, “Oh hey Grace,” She walked passed without greeting him. Eren’s anxious tone returned, he was slightly sweaty and out of breath from dashing to the Captain’s office. “It’s Y/N. She’s lucid.” Levi looked at Eren, he slowly started rising from his desk. Engaged and forgetting anything else he was focused on. 

Hange and Moblit with a clipboard stood against the wall in an attempt to stay out of the way. They were quietly listening to the girl behind the curtain groan. A nurse could be heard trying to get the girl to drink water, but she kept rejecting the offer. The girl kept mentioning how cold she was. Hange had not visited Y/N in a few weeks. At the end of each lucid episode, it was filled with nothing but frustration and guilt. If only things went differently. Levi and a few others should be here any moment. The door opened and Sasha entered, quietly. She knew the protocol, she stood next to Moblit near the door and silently greeted Hange and Moblit. 

“NO! No, please! I don’t want shots!” Hange could hear you hoarsely beg. Hange breathed deeply. She thought to herself, you’re in the room. We are safe. “Can we wait?! Please, no!” You screamed. Behind the curtain, the nurse softly reassured you and asked you to lower your voice. 

“I think we’ll start as normal, have Doctor Winston Yates and Levi assess Y/N, and go off based on this first hour,” Hange whispered. Moblit and Sasha nodded. “I assumed Mikasa has been reminded of her role?” Sasha nodded again. The door opened again and Dr. Yates walked in. He gave Hange, Sasha, and Moblit a thumbs-up with a big smile. The older man brought a warm presence. He lively strode behind the curtains.

“Y/N! Good to see you awake . . . she’s on IV fluids?” He loudly greeted you. 

“Yes,” the nurse said. 

“Tell me how you feel right now, don’t hold back on me!” His chuckle is probably what you needed to hear. You didn’t hear much laughter anymore. 

“I’m tired . . .” You said softly. The door opened once again with Levi hastily entering the room, he glanced at the three and then went behind the curtain. Eren entered and held the door until it closed with a quiet click. “Levi!” You said and Levi sat in the chair next to your bed. You reached out your hand. He sat down and with a soft embrace he held your hand. 

“Y/N, how do you feel?” He asked in a low voice. 

“Good, I want to sit outside.” Levi smiled and Dr. Yates and the nurse laughed.

“That’s what we want to hear!” The nurse said.

“We can go outside, later,” Levi assured.

“We need to give her a shot, she’s on her usual IV with concentrated vitamins and minerals.” The nurse said lowly to Levi and Dr. Yates. You panicked and jerked away from the nurse. You couldn’t get far with the straps still clamping down your ankles. But you moved as close to Levi as you could. He wrapped an arm around you and then looked you in the eyes.

“Just a shot it’ll be over really quick.” Levi whispered.

“I’ll need her arm.” Levi freed you and held your hand with both of his. The nurse rubbed your arm and you felt the cool sensation. You closed your eyes. “Okay and you’re done.” 

“What!? I didn’t even feel it,” You said.

“There you go! Next time, bump her TPN to 2 liters,” Dr. Yates said, looking at your arms. 

“See nothing to worry about.” Levi said and you smiled at him. “Let’s brush your teeth and clean yourself a little then we can sit outside.” 

5th Debriefing Session:

Hange glanced at her notes before speaking. She sat in a comfortable chair at a table where the survey corps typically held meetings. Dr. Yates, Levi, Commander Erwin and Moblit sat at the table and turned their attention to Hange. Hange hated the debriefings. All of them did They only happened at the end of your lucid episodes. 

“According to this recent episode, Y/N stayed lucid for four days. Her 2nd longest lucid. This time she was showing a more closed off demeanor. She only wanted to socialize with Levi, Sasha Brause, Dr. Yates, and Eren Jaeger. She was opposed to physical touch except for Levi . . .” She looked at her clipboard and sniffled. “My hypothesis was correct that when Y/N showed signs of starting to revert and feel triggered, Sasha’s presence made Y/N feel safe. Twice during this episode, Y/N started screaming and Sasha was introduced and Y/N appeared to calm down and eventually went back to a neutral state. And like Dr. Yates mentioned in his therapy debriefing, Y/N is showing signs of improvement.”

“Day by day. She’s getting better,” Dr. Yates said to Levi. Levi was looking down at his lap. He hated these sessions too even though they were important. Though he did recognize signs of improvement, he felt defeated every time you got triggered. Guilt shredded him, as he went through the past seven months without you fully. Levi wanted you to live life with him.

“White pants or black pants?” Levi asked you, holding up both pairs. 

“Black.” For the first month after That Day, the pinstriped scars on your legs triggered you. As they healed and were less bloody, scabby and painful they didn’t visually trigger you anymore. That was the first success from Dr. Yates working with you. Levi went behind the curtain and pulled it behind him to give you some privacy. It was now only you two in the cold room. When you pulled back the curtain slowly you let out an unsure sound. “Um . . .” Levi looked over at you looking down at your big pants. His heart dropped, but wasn’t going to let you see his disappointment in you losing more weight.

“We’ll eat soon. Try rolling it.” He said.

“What?” He approached you and grabbed the pants and folded it down so the waist wouldn’t fall down. Levi couldn’t help but catch your eyes. He wanted to kiss you, but to him you were so fragile. You kissed him on the cheek and it elated him how lovingly you were this time. He wrapped one arm around you and squeezed you.

4th Debriefing Session:

 “Y/N’s overall behavior this episode . . .” Hange said and then let out a sigh. “Was . . .” 

“Aggressive.” Levi said. 

 Hange held two bowls of hearty soups with bread. One bread had an excessive amount of butter on it and in one of the bowls there was extra oil in the soup. She carefully walked with the meals in her hand. Moblit was next to her with the clipboard. 

“With the extra butter and oils, I’d track probably a thousand calories for this meal. If we can get her to eat again later, I’ll call that a success.” Hange said and Moblit was writing on the clipboard in his hand. They walked outside of the dining hall and saw you and Levi in the distance. You were sitting on a bench under a tree facing away. 

“Section Commander, her bread is as wet as the soup.” Moblit said, eyeing the pound of butter on your slice of bread. 

“ . . . I’ll do anything to have her be healthy again . . .” Hange said. Birds flew away from the tree Levi and you were sitting under. She sighed. Moblit looked at her and recognized her anguished expression.

“Don’t be hard on yourself. Torture trauma could take multiple years to recover from . . .” Moblit said.

“ . . . I just think about . . . only if . . .” Hange stared at the grass in front of her. Then she recognized the beauty of that moment. You were lucid and cooperative. Moblit was right to not be hard on herself. It was a good day because of the sun and the slight breeze. It has been Months since you were outside. Not only that, you wanted to go outside. Inbetween most of your lucid episodes, you were sedated, because you wouldn’t stop screaming or kicking. Your vocal cords would get shredded and you would lose your voice. “Good Morning, Levi! Y/N! Are you hungry?” Hange found it deep inside her to sound joyful. You whipped your head around toward the voice. You gasped excitedly and jogged toward Hange. Levi walked toward the three after.

“For me?” You asked.

“If you won't eat it, I will.” Hange bent a little to your height with a smile. Levi took the two bowls from Hange. When the food was out of the way you hugged Hange and she froze out of shock then embraced you lovingly. She hadn’t received a hug from you in a while. You seemed excited for her to be around. You hugged for more than five seconds and when you realized Hange wasn’t going to pull away you did.

“Thank you for the food!” You said, “Come sit with us!” You grabbed Hange’s wrist and pulled her toward the bench. “You too Moblit”. When you looked back, you saw him writing on his clipboard and then he grinned at you. When you got to the bench Levi handed you the bowl with the extra oils and butter. “Oh . . . I don’t think there’s room on the bench.” You scooted all the way next to Levi and assessed if Hange could fit in the small space. 

“Oh no worries—”

“Levi, get up.” You said and he obeyed, which Hange laughed. Levi faced you while still standing next to you. He didn’t want to leave your presence or miss anything you did. Hange sat down next to you. 

“She’s been asking about you,” Levi said to Hange then sipped his soup. Hange was certainly intrigued especially since the last time was not a good experience with you. She felt a sliver of hope.

“Have you been missing me?!” She asked. It was an eye opener for her, the last two months were not physically good for your health. Her heart dropped analysing you, you were skinny, looked dull and genuinely tired. She regretted not visiting you enough.

“Yes, I feel so . . . out of it. Like I woke up from the longest dream . . .” You said. Then took a spoonful of soup making sure to get a little bit of the chicken onto the spoon. 

“She was talking about the time you were teaching her how to braid hair.” Levi said. 

“Hmm. Are you sure that was me?” Hange asked.

“Oh well, I thought it was you, maybe not.” You laughed. 

“Hey, eat before it gets cold,” Levi said, tapping your ankle lightly with his foot.

“Yeah. Yeah. I just want to talk to Hange.” You said.

“Awe, you’re so cute. But Levi’s right, you wouldn’t want your food to get cold.” Hange said.  

“Could you have put any more butter on this bread?” You laughed and Hange laughed it off.

“Try it like this,” She took your bread and dunked it in the soup. The bread was dripping in broth, butter and oil. You took the soaked bread and attempted to take a bite out of it without dripping on yourself. 

5th Debriefing Session:

“Yes, day by day, Y/N is getting better. My only concern is that she stopped having an interest in eating. Levi informed me that she would push around her food and barely drink water. I sat a table over and noticed two evenings in a row she only took a few bites.” Hange read from her notes. “However, I noticed the start of a trend. She always finished a bowl of soup. Perhaps at least one of the meals for the day needs to be soup.”

“We can start a total parenteral nutrition IV when sedated. Then adjust the dosage.” Dr. Yates said and wrote the note down. 

“Great. Another thing I wanted to talk about which I mentioned before was her social behavior . . .” Hange took a deep breath then focused on her notes. “Y/N had a small improvement from her last episode. This episode Y/N wasn’t against socializing. Besides the few previously mentioned she seemed fearful or hesitant around some friends. I do not want to describe her as shy, just . . . disinterested.” Hange choked and then took another deep breath.

Levi stared at the books on the bookshelf. He couldn’t look at his friend.

“How are you?” You asked Levi. “You are more quiet today.” He smiled, grabbed your hand and lifted to kiss the back of your palm. The four of you were on a short walk. You were unknowingly walking toward your next few tests. Hange was on the other side of you with Moblit on her side. A few scouts would walk past and greet Levi. He ignored them.

“I’m at peace being with you.” He said softly knowing moments are fleeting. You thought he was being cute. You stepped in front of him, wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. It took him by surprise. But you were giving him a pleasure he wasn’t going to deny. He kissed you again, deeply and he thought how there is just no one else in his life he wanted. Levi was willing and planning on being patient for the time it took you to heal. Years. Decades. You made it through That Day. Levi knew you were worth the time to heal. He knew that healing was not linear. He intended to be with you for all of your moments. He remembered something and reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out your ring. “I cleaned it.” He grabbed your left hand and slid the ring on your left ring finger. Then he warmly smiled at you, gazing at his special girl. “Someday when you are healthy, we’ll get married . . .” Levi realized they were out in the open in public and glanced towards Moblit and Hange. Moblit was writing on his clipboard and Hange was acting like the bowls she was holding was the most interesting thing. He clasped your hand and continued walking, Hange and Moblit slowly trailed behind you. 

When you got closer to the entrance of the dining hall the more noise you could hear. There were scouts laughing with each other. Some people standing in groups talking to each other. Some were out in the front enjoying the sun. A few people grouped in the front. Some faces you recognized but you haven’t ever conversed with. It was getting louder as you approached the threshold. A girl with pretty dark hair caught your eye.

“Mikasa?” You asked a little unsure. The girl’s eyebrows raised and her eyes were wide. “Mikasa Ackerman?” She stepped closer to you. Hange, Moblit and Levi could see Mikasa’s eyes start to gloss over. 

“Y/N . . .” Mikasa said calmly. 

“I haven’t seen you in a long time,” You hugged her and she hugged you back tightly. Mikasa didn’t want to let go. She kept blinking, but her eyes were filling up with tears. You pulled away, “How are you?” You asked brightly. “Keeping Eren out of trouble?” She smiled through her tears. “ . . . What’s wrong?” 

“We haven’t seen each other in a while. It’s happy tears.” She sniffled and you laughed. 

“You look sad,” You said and touched her hair. 

“I have something for you . . .” Mikasa gently went through a small bag she usually did not have with her. 

“What is it, Mikasa?” Hange asked.

“She got me a present!” You said excitedly. Mikasa found what she was looking for. She gently brought out paper that was folded twice. 

“I found this a few weeks ago and I want you to have it.” She handed you the folded paper and you hesitantly took it. You carefully unfolded the paper. On the paper was a drawing of three girls. You gasped. It was a drawing of Mikasa, Sasha and you and the background you could tell was your room from your cadet days. Mikasa sniffled, blinked back tears, and quietly took a deep breath. “Remember? Jean drew us and Sasha when we were roommates in the cadet corp.” The drawing of you and your friends was done in pencil, but along the edge of the paper were names written in ink. In elegant penmanship was written: Mikasa, Sasha and Y/N. “I had it all these years, but I think you should have it.” Your heart felt like it was swelling in your chest. How could you not? You thought of the fun times you and Mikasa would plug Sasha’s nose when she was sleeping. She would swat and roll over leaving you and Mikasa giggling. You thought of the time when you peed your pants because Sasha made you laugh so hard. Another memory of Mikasa teaching Sasha how to braid hair and she tried it on you and put knots in your hair. Mikasa had to cut your hair. It ended up so badly that Mikasa braided your hair for the last year of the cadet corp. You thought of the time you stole Mikasa’s shirt for the day then when heading to bed your mattress was gone. Mikasa was like the sister you always wanted. You hugged Mikasa and she let a tear fall. She closed her eyes and enjoyed that moment. 

“ . . . You’re the one that taught me how to braid hair . . . This is so sentimental, Thank you.” You said and when you pulled away you analysed the drawing again. “Hey, how's Jean? I’m surprised I haven’t seen him yet . . . Where’s Eren? He’s usually . . .” You froze, you felt cold. You felt sick. Why did you feel scared? Mikasa stared back at you, her eyes grew bigger. 

“Y/N.” Levi grabbed your arm and held your head while embracing you. 

“How do you feel? Tell me your thoughts.” Hange said worryingly. She tugged on your shirt gently. You stared off and then you looked at Mikasa.

“I was just . . . wondering where Eren was . . . you two are usually together.” You said dazed and confused. 

“Let’s sit down . . .” Levi said and you stared at Mikasa. She was still in her stance. She looked at you carefully, she didn’t want to frazzle you. Though this moment for her was fleeting, she looked at you and appreciated that you were alive and lucid.

“Do you want to sit with me?” You asked Mikasa. More tears streamed down her face with a smile. 

3rd Debriefing Session:

“There’s not a clear indication why Y/N’s long term memory was affected. There are gaps—not remembering long term friendships, routines, and some milestone events. But with this episode lasting 28 days and with the evidence that over time her health did improve over the 28 days.” Dr. Yates said. Levi stared at the books he always did. The survey corps went on a large scale planned expedition and unfortunately, you became lucid the morning they left. 19 days they were gone. Apparently, you kept asking for Levi. You were a little moody sitting in the medical room not being allowed to do much. You asked to go outside, but once you were outside you just wanted to go back in. 

Levi was pissed when the survery corp returned and he received the message that you’ve been lucid since they left. He wasn’t there for the longest time you were lucid and he didn’t know how much time he had left. When he did return to you, you became happier and so you started becoming healthier. Dr. Yates let you stay with Levi for a couple nights. 

While staring at the books, his mind ended up thinking about one of the nights of you staying with him. You were on top of Levi practically begging to have sex. He thought about how you kissed his neck and palmed him teasing him with pleasure. You two haven’t had sex since before That Day. He rubbed your thigh gently, he tried to pretend he didn’t feel your pinstriped scars. You ran your hand through his hair, pleading with him to touch you. Levi felt like he was taking advantage of you and suggested going to bed. 

“I suggest we can add a couple tests when she’s lucid.” Hange’s bright tone pulled Levi away from the thought of you. 

“What are you thinking?” Commander Erwin asked. 

“Since Y/N could not recognize Mikasa Ackerman, even though she should have for knowing her for so long. They were roommates along with a few others including Sasha Braus since the Cadet Corp. We could have Mikasa walk by Y/N and see if she reacts, says hello or recognizes her slightly. If she doesn’t we could try having Mikasa approach her and have a light conversation to jog her memory. 

“Another thing I noticed was Y/N feels calm around Sasha Braus. Whether it's because they are long term friends or because of That Day. According to Sasha, she was the one that killed Hecate when she was torturing Y/N. We could conclude that subconsciously Y/N remembers Sasha saving her.

“One last hypothesis. I was thinking if Eren Jaeger was around Y/N. She would not think about where Eren could be as that was the information Hecate was trying to get from us.” Hange suggested. “I recognize these ‘tests’ do require the efforts of others, that are not mandatory. But I know they would want to help Y/N.” 

“How long do you think expect her friends to help her?” Commander Erwin asked. 

“With all due respect, I am not the doctor. I am just summarizing her social behavior. I can only help, but I can not solve anything.” Hange said and then there was silence in the room. A sense of apprehensiveness to speak. They were ignoring what needed to be said. 

“ . . . Levi, there’s a hospital in the capital that specializes—”

“Are you suggesting shipping off Y/N? She was lucid for almost a month. She’s improving.” Levi said sharply. Erwin let out a deep breath and decided to pin that suggestion for later. 

Your fourth lucid episode was two months after. Levi was worried that you were slowly dying and not going to have another lucid episode. When you did . . . it was the worst behavior to deal with. Hange and Levi had to restrain you while Moblit attempted to sedate you with a syringe. You scratched Hange’s face with your engagement ring.

As the day went on you felt tired. Though you did enjoy hanging and conversing with Mikasa, Eren and Armin. You were starting to feel out of it. Dinner was starting to be served and more of your friends came into the dining hall. 

“If I get you food will you eat it?” Levi asked.

“I’m just tired.” You said. It felt like a long day. Your social battery was starting to become drained. 

“You should eat, Y/N” Eren said. 

“Yeah we’re all going to get food. I think there’s soup.” Armin added. 

“I already had soup today.” You said, lethargically

“Are you saying F/N L/N has a limit on soup?!” A bright voice said behind you. You turned around and a jolt of energy burst from you as you sprung up to hug Sasha.

“SASHA!” Levi and Hange laughed. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“Is soup all you had today?” Sasha asked, but it seemed like she was more asking Hange. 

“I would like for her to eat more.” Hange said to Sasha. 

“Then let’s get in line I’m starving” Sasha grabbed your wrist and you guys went into the line. 

During dinner, Levi’s heart swelled watching you be with your friends. It was the first in a while where you were smiling and laughing with them. Jean told stupid jokes that made you laugh hard. You laughed so hard you cried. Sasha gave you some of her soup so you could eat more. Armin didn’t say much, but he enjoyed seeing you alive and healthy. Levi thought your smile was so warm and watching you from where he sat it was like he was seeing you for the first time again. 

Your laugh, your smile and you being with your friends. Levi remembers being so shy and nervous to talk to you. Your courage and initiation to talk to Levi is what started the relationship. He glanced at the ring on your finger. He just knew. Denied it to himself, Levi thought he was ridiculous for knowing he was going to marry you only after interacting with you a limited amount of times. But you were just so considerate of him and caring for him. He never had someone like him for him. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry. He was grateful you were in his life. Levi was going to be by yourside for the entire time you needed to heal. He will marry you. 

“Levi? Are you okay?” Hange asked. He opened his eyes and saw you intently listening to Eren’s story. 

“I just . . . want to marry her.” He said.

After you were done eating. You braided Sasha’s hair and then Mikasa stood behind you and braided yours. You french braided Sasha’s and Mikasa was also giving you a french braid. When you and Mikasa were done braiding. Mikasa sat down in front of you and you started braiding her hair. 

“Hange! I could braid your hair!” Sasha turned excitedly to Levi and Hange’s table. Hange raised her eyebrows.

“No! I want to braid her hair!” You said to Sasha.

“Oh come on please!” Sasha begged. 

“HANGE LET US BRAID YOUR HAIR! YOU WOULD LOOK SO CUTE WITH PIGTAILS. ” You demanded and Levi laughed. You dropped her hair and walked over to Hange, you started pulling her wrist but she was holding onto the table. “SASHA GRAB HER OTHER WRIST!” Sasha laughed and you both pulled Hange over to the other table. 

“Fine! Just normal, nothing fancy.” Hange appeased and sat down at your table. 

“You braid Mikasa’s hair. I want to do Hange’s.” You said. Then you started pulling out her ponytail and brushing it with your fingers. “Jeez, your hair is knotty.” Levi smiled. You braided her hair into pigtails and looked over at Sasha braiding Mikasa’s hair. “You look so cute, Mikasa!” Mikasa blushed. “Awe Hange you look so cute, too!” 

“We’ll all have braided hair, now!” Sasha said excitedly. 

“Jean needs to draw us!” You said. “Quick, we need to get a pencil and paper!” Jean froze with a spoon almost to his mouth. 

“When did I sign up for this?” He laughed. 

“Just do a quick one!” Mikasa said. Molblit handed Jean a blank sheet of paper and his pencil. He smiled. He did want to remember this moment. 

“Okay bunch up. Have Sasha and Hange stand behind you two.” You and Mikasa had an arm around each other and Hange and Sasha hugged you two from behind. It took a little, but you still chatted and talked with the rest of the table. Except for when Jean asked you all to smile. Then he let you get out of the pose. He continued drawing though and after a while he folded the paper twice. Then licked among the folds and split the paper into four. “Ladies of the braid. I have your drawing.” Jean handed Mikasa a fourth of a paper with a drawing of the four of you with your braids. Then handed you another fourth with the same drawing copied over. 

“Jean, you drew it four times?” You asked and Jean handed the last fourths of the paper to Hange and Sasha. The four of you lined up the drawings you received by the ripped folds. You all had the same drawing of the four of you smiling with your hair in braids. 

“You’re an amazing artist, thank you, Jean.” Hange said admiring the drawing. 

“Thanks, Jean!” Sasha brightly said. Mikasa picked up the pencil Jean was using from the table. 

“Y/N, hand me your drawing really quick.” She put your drawing on the table and wrote something on an open space of the drawing. Then she gave you the paper back. You looked at what Mikasa wrote. In elegant penmanship was written: Sasha, Hange, Mikasa and Y/N. 

“You have such nice handwriting, Mikasa.” You said and she smiled hopefully at you. Then you hugged Jean and thanked him for the drawing. You happily strolled to Levi and showed him the drawing. It was like the drawing Hange showed him a moment ago. Except yours had the names written. Levi recognized it was the same handwriting from the other drawing. 

5th Debriefing Session:

“We need to have a tough conversation,” Commander Erwin started. “When looking at the big picture of Y/N’s health. We are nearing the 6th month mark . . . Levi, the Survey Corps can only do so much . . . evaluating her when the one year mark—” Levi abruptly stood up with a loud screech from his chair. He began to walk toward the doors. “Hange wants to help Y/N! Her friends want to and are willing to help, but—” Levi ripped the door open.

“If you want to send her to a hospital in Mitras. Honorably discharge me. I’ll go with my wife.” Levi slammed the door. 

“Okay Hange. Yeah, okay.” Levi closed the door on Hange. He just wanted to spend some alone time with you. You carefully walked to the table while holding two cups of tea and gently on the table. For a moment you reminded him of his mother. You were so elegant and when you smiled at Levi his felt happy that you were his. He had love in his life and he was going to take care of you just like you have always taken care of him. He fondly looked at you and then he approached you and hugged you. You were his just like he knew he was yours. No matter what. “Sit, I want to get something.” He said and went off to the corner where he had a small bookshelf. He grabbed a leatherbound journal and a pencil. He put it in front of you. “Here.” You stared at it.

“What—”

“Remember it’s your journal. You haven’t written in it in a long time though. I want you to write an entry.” Levi gently said then he grabbed the drawing Jean gave you and he leaned it against some books on the bookshelf. 

“Oh yeah . . . I forgot . . . I used to write everyday. I had like 8 journals . . .” You trailed off.

“Yea, you wanted to keep a record of your life. Maybe write how you feel or just what went on today. I think the last entry you wrote was near when we got engaged.” Levi said. 

“ . . .we’re engaged?” You asked confused. Levi closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He tried to keep the mood light.

“Just a little entry.” He sat down next to you and sipped on his tea carefully. You smiled and started writing about your day. “Then we could go to sleep early.” Levi enjoyed sleeping with you because he had poor sleeping habits. But when you slept next to him he got a few more hours. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and you turned to kiss him again on the lips. His admiration for you only grew watching you write in your journal. These little moments are everything he has to accept for now.

“I don’t know what else to write . . .” You said lightly. Thoughts came into your mind and then disappeared. “I’m sorry.” Levi offered you his hand and when you took he gently helped you stand up and walked towards the bed. He then held your hand to his heart.

“Let’s lay down.” Levi said.

“Can I have a back massage?” You ask. Levi does his best to give you a shoulder massage, he carefully does his best to not hurt you, but he wants to relieve you of all pain. Levi tried to be as careful because to him you were so delicate and fragile looking. He wanted you to relax and be with him.  

“Is this okay . . .?” He asked.

“Keep going.” You ordered and he obeyed then smiled. He moved down your back, pressing little circles into your back and along your spine. 

“Let’s go brush our teeth and go—” Levi said, pulling away. 

“No more.” You put his hand back on your shoulders. He gave you a couple more seconds of massaging.

“Okay no more, your majesty.” He said. You jumped on him which took him by surprise. You attempt to pin him down on the bed and Levi let you. You kissed his forehead and he looked up at you fondly. Youre eyes looked so pretty. You trailed your hands slowly on Levi’s chest, feeling his carved muscles. You placed one of his hands on your thighs and you ran your fingers in his hair. To Levi you are everything. He reached towards your face and then touched your braid. “Let’s go to sleep.” You kissed him and fisted his shirt. Levi pulled away, “Y/N . . .”

“Please . . .” you mewled into his ear softly, knowing this is what gets to him. You put more pressure on him, feeling him getting harder. You tucked some of his fringe behind his ears. You looked into his steel grey eyes and the eye contact was making you feel heat in yourself, you haven’t felt in a while. You grinded your hips and Levi was starting to breathe heavily. “ . . . Levi,” you moaned, you knew it drove him crazy. “I love you so much.”

“I’m in love with you.” Levi said to you. You looked so pretty.  

“We haven’t . . . made love in a while.” You said and continued to grind on him and Levi was thinking of the pleasure’s he could have with you. He hasn't felt your body in a long time and Levi wanted to feel you wrapped around him. He wanted to hear you whimper in his ear. But clarity came to the forefront. 

“I can’t take advantage of you . . .” He said quietly.

“You’re not, I want you.” You started taking off your shirt. Levi stopped you. Pulling your shirt down. He sat up and hugged you, smelling you. 

“Y/N I can’t . . . please let’s go to sleep.” You pulled away and gave him another kiss.

“Ok.” 

When you slept next to Levi, he felt it easier to relax. His muscles untensed and he found it easier to fall asleep. Levi had terrible sleeping habits before you and when you slept next to him for the first time he realized you helped him. He slept a good six hours with you next to him. Levi realized you brought him a sense of peace and you always were positive and good natured. 

You always had taken good care of him, sometimes he saw his mom in you. You reminded him that he was worthy of love and he saw you as someone who wanted to give love to your friends. He admired that you made friends wherever you went. He knew how much your friends love you and you saw them as your family. Your kind heart is what drew people in. Levi was glad you had a large support system, something he didn’t have in life. He recognized that he wanted to marry you when he realized that you made up an entire family for him. He trusted that you would always be there for him and you were so supportive and loving. You made him laugh so much, feeling joy in life. 

Levi half asleep rolled over, he felt the bed empty. He sat up and he was alone. He heard you in the dark room whimpering quietly. He saw your dark silhouette on the floor against the wall. His heart dropped, more time he begged.

“Please,” you begged quietly. Levi cautiously approached you. “No, please don’t” You said as he got closer. He grabbed a syringe off of the table. 

“Y/N. It’s Levi.” He said almost pleading.

“NO!” You pleaded. Holding your hand out to him as if that was going to stop him. He started to feel tears in his eyes, this was the first time he had to do this alone. There was a hope that you just had a bad nightmare and you needed comfort.

“Come back to me . . .” He said. You screamed loudly and it pierced his ears. He had to jump on you. You thrashed and one of his tears landed on you. You slapped him and pushed Levi. He grunted. 

“Y/N!” He said, pining one of your arms against the wall. 

“NO! PLEASE DONT!” You cried out and screamed again. Levi used his weight to hold down your legs. He set the syringe down and did his best to pull your pants down. You panicked and fought him. “STOP! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!” You pulled up your knee and tried to hit Levi in the croch. Levi cried. You were weak and Levi was much stronger than you. He managed to get a good surface of your thigh showing. You managed to get another slap on his face and he grunted. You screamed loudly, a cry in desperation. You whailed hoping someone would hear you and help you. 

“Please—”

“PLEASE STOP!” You screamed, he winced at the volume going into his ear. He picked up the syringed and shot it into your leg. You screamed and Levi looked at you in the eyes hoping to find you somewhere. You looked at him in desperation, pleading to spare you. Levi had to hold you down until you got physically worn out, he cried waiting for you to go unconscious. When you were weak. He hugged you, he knew you needed help. This was the life he was dealt with. 

Before he left his room, he laid you on his bed and pretended you were only sleeping. This time was so short again. What else could Levi do to help you? He knocked on the door and waited for a while. His eyes were puffy and his face was stained with tears. He knocked again and the door finally opened. Hange still had her pigtail braids in. Levi held up his empty syringe.

“Levi . . .” Hange said tiredly then she saw the syringe. 

“Y/N’s in my room.” Levi said dismaly. Hange leaned her head against the doorframe and sighed. 

“I’ll get Dr. Yates.” She said.

That Day:

They were in a large room of a house. The windows were large and revealed that there were no other buildings nearby. They were almost in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere northwest Wall Rose. One of Hecate’s men was holding a knife to Hange’s throat. Another was holding you by your waist and had a knife to your back. Levi and Erwin were on their knees and tied up. With another guy standing behind them. Hecate walked back and forth between the four of you. Her heels being the prominent sound on the hardwood floor. 

“I recognize you, scout regiment. You know where Eren Jaeger is. So which one of you is going to tell me where he is?” She said toyingly. She has been wanting to kill Eren for years. She came close to killing him twice. She played with the knife in her hand. “Commander Erwin . . . top dog. Leader of the scout regiment. Tell me.” She bent down to level with him. He stayed silent. Hecate grabbed his hair and yanked his head back then sliced into his collarbone. Erwin groaned, gritting his teeth. You grimacing looked away. 

“We don’t know where Eren is.” Erwin said lowly.

“Liar. Tell me where he is.” She said and Erwin didn’t respond. She kicked him in the balls and he let out a gutteral groan and fell on his side. The scouts were on their way, though there was no hope of getting out of the situation. They needed to get here before everyone was dead. Erwin painfully coughed. Then she walked over his body. 

“What about you?” She stood over Levi. He said nothing. You couldn’t help but watch what she was going to do to Levi. She grabbed his shirt and yanked him up. “Are you going to tell me, handsome?” You felt a rage, but your fear was more developed. You knew Levi wasn’t going to spill even if he was beaten to death. The four of you wouldn’t. She slapped Levi and you closed your eyes.

“That’s Captain Levi born from the underground. He’s not going to talk.” The guy behind Erwin and Levi gruffly said.

“Huh, that's so?” She looked at Levi and pushed him face forward to the ground. She lifted up his shirt revealing his back and dug the knife into him. “I’ll ask you one more time. Where is Eren?” You heard Levi muffly groan as Hecate dug the knife across his back. Beads of blood bursing from the cut. “Come on, Captain, I want answers.”

“I’m not answering you, bitch.” Levi spat at her. You raised your eyebows when you saw some of his blood. You wanted to tell Levi to not make her angry, but you stayed silent. She stood up from him and looked at him. 

“Huh, of course, Captain.” She kicked his face. You jerked, “I believe you.” She laughed. She glanced over at you and Hange. Your heart pulsed. She strolled over to you two while wiping her knife. “I know how the dynamics work, captain . . . your attempt to provoke me? I’ve seen it a thousand times. You’re not gonna talk.” You felt your heart in your throat when she eyes you and Hange. “But one of you will.” You kept your eyes down. She stood in front of Hange. “No need for that . . .” She said to the man holding Hange. He took the knife from her throat and put it in her back. “You’re quite pretty.” Hange scowled at her. Hecate took Hange’s glasses off then threw them on the ground then crushed her glasses with her boot. She kicked her in the stomach. She recoiled, the wind being knocked out of her and the man holding Hange caused her to not fall over. Tears started building in your eyes. “Tell me where Eren is and you and your friends will be left alone.” Hange said nothing. Hecate slapped Hange. She whimpered. “Tell me what I want to know. Where is Eren Jaeger?” Hange sniffled. Hecate breathed impatiently then looked at the ground she picked up a sharp glass edge from Hange’s glasses. Then lifted a part of her shirt and jabbed the glass into Hange’s abdomen. She cried out loudly and whimpered. Choking for air trying to regulate her breathing. Hecate walked over to you. You continued looking at the ground, noticing some blood was on her shoe. “Why are you crying? Do you not like seeing your friends get hurt?” She taunted. She slapped you. You yelped and some of your hair got in your face. “We don’t have to do this, you know. Let me know darling, where is Eren Jaeger?” You stayed silent. A tear rolled down your cheek begging that the scouts would save you four. She swiped the blade onto your collarbone. Blood drew from your cut. You moaned and whimpered. “Answer me. Or you’ll get another cut.” She grabbed you by your shirt and pointed the knife to your abdomen.

“Stop, she doesn’t know.” Hange huffed out. Hecate turned her attention on Hange. Then glanced at you.

“Bring Commander Erwin Smith over here, would you?” Hecate asked and the man brought a stumbling Erwin over in front of Hange. He made Erwin kneel. “Commander these pretty girls are your subordinates?” Erwin stayed silent looking at the ground. Hecate slapped him. “So fucking rude not to answer my question.” She went toward you and kicked you, knocking the wind out of you, making you fall to the ground. The man who was holding you put his foot on your side. You felt paralyzed and then the pain set in. “Where is Eren Jaeger? or these girls will get it.”

“I don’t know.” Erwin said.

“You do know.” Hecate said and then sliced a cut into Hange’s collar bones. She whimpered. “Tell me what I want.” She was starting to lose her patience. 

“Leave them alone, bitch,” Levi with a strained voice said. Hecate kicked you in the chest and forced you to let out a cry. 

“Say that again, Captain? I didn’t hear you. Get her up.” The man forced you to sit up. She knelt in front of you and Hange eyed both of you. You couldn’t hide your tears. “This time it’s your choice . . . which one will get my knife?” A tear dripped onto the floor in front of you. “Hmm?”  Hange swallowed and wheezed.

“Me. Just give—” Hecate cut your arm instead of Hange’s, making you shriek. You cried out, not being able to hold it in. You breathed hard. Erwin winced at the sight of you two. 

“Once again, you or you?” Hange and you stayed silent. She sighed and kicked you to the floor again. 

“She doesn’t know anything! Stop it!” Hanged yelled. Hecate grabbed Hange’s hair, forcing her head back. 

“I see . . . you care for her . . . ” She let go of Hange’s head. Then she stood in front of you. “Where’s Eren Jaeger?” She asked Hange. She then held down the same arm she cut into earlier. Hecate started cutting into your arm next to the other one. You screamed trying to thrash your legs, but the man was holding you down. When she was done slicing you, you sobbed into the floor. Hecate sighed. “Take them downstairs.” One of the man jerked you and Hange up. You couldn’t look at anyone. The one man forced Levi up and his nose was bloody. The last man got Erwin up and he was stumbling and wincing trying to keep up with the man. Hange coughed and her vision was blurry. They pulled you toward an area where the stairs went down. Levi was the first forced down the steps. “Hold on.” Everyone froze anticipating what Hecate was going to say. “I want to ask her some questions,” she pointed at you. Hange’s eyes went wide as she felt another man grabbing her. She watched as the man who was holding both of you, pushed you back towards Hecate.

“NO! WAIT! TAKE ME INSTEAD! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Hange, Erwin and Levi were pushed down the stairs by the other man. You went out of sight and Hange noticed Levi glaring at her. The men threw them in a cell, locking it and walking back upstairs. 

“Levi, untie my restraints,” Commander Erwin whispered. Levi turned around and tried his best to untie the knot while not being able to see it. Hange started crying again sitting down. Then Commander Erwin untied Levi who was pissed. He walked over to Hange and grabbed her shirt. 

“YOU IDIOT!” Levi couldn’t care about his volume. “HOW STUPID COULD YOU BE?! YOU NEVER SHOW—” Hange jerked away from his grasp.

“I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT Y/N!” Hange said harshly 

“DIDN’T WORK—”

“—I WOULD RATHER IT BE ME THAN HER!” Hange said. As Levi was about to retort back, the three of them heard you scream above them. Hange’s heart pounded and she started crying. Levi took off one of his shoes and threw it against the wall angrily. Erwin started untying Hange. She slid down the wall crouching into a ball. They could hear you begging.

“NO! NO, PLEASE!” Then they heard you scream louder. Hange put her fingers in her ears, she closed her eyes. The special operations squad should come any moment. Hange then felt a pull on her shirt, again. Levi with a bloody face and a fire in his eyes was holding her. 

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT. THE MOMENT YOU OPENED YOUR MOUTH. I KNEW THEY WOULD PICK HER!” Levi sneered.

“LEVI!” Erwin pulled Levi off Hange. Another scream was heard above.

“I was trying to get her to hurt me instead of Y/N!” Hange sobbed. 

“Because you opened your mouth she knew you cared about her! The moment you do that they’ll torture her to get you to fucking talk!” Levi said. “My fiance is going to die BECAUSE OF YOU!” He pushed Hange into the wall. 

“GET AWAY FROM HER!” Erwin asserted himself in front of Levi. “ENOUGH PULL IT TOGETHER! WE NEED TO THINK . . . let's look around and try to get out.” Levi put on his shoe and Hange covered her face, sobbing. 

“STOP! PLEASE! NO!” They heard you above them. Hange got up and started coughing. She went into the corner gagging. Hange threw up in the corner. Levi kicked the cell door, it clanked and didn’t budge. About ten minutes later. It was quiet. They didn’t hear you screaming and they didn’t hear yelling from Hecate. Suddenly they heard soft footsteps descending from the stairs. Hange’s hope rose only for it to deplete when Hecate walked up to them. The knife she was holding was covered in blood

“Comfy?” Hecate taunted. They couldn’t look at her. “Terrible of you to not do anything about your friend . . . hey gorgeous!” Hange ignored her. “Fine . . . Anyone want to tell me where Eren is?” She started backing away, smirking. “I’ll just ask your friend.” She walked back up the stairs.

“Where are they?” Hange whispered frustratedly. Levi leaned with his arm against the wall. He was facing the wall, the pressure was building in his nose and he was blinking away any tears forming in his eyes. They heard a thud and they heard you screaming above them, Hange plugged her ears. She continued crying. The three had dried blood on them and they stayed helpless in the cell. They heard you scream, beg and cry for a while longer. Hange felt paralyzed listening to you scream. She couldn’t think of a way to save you or them. To her it was her fault, she shouldve kept her mouth shut. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if she kept her mouth shut. She hugged her knees. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. She glanced at Levi who had his forehead against his arm. In the distance they heard shattering, then some yelling. “Commander Erwin, THEY’RE HERE!” Levi turned around. There was a large boom above them and more screams and yells. Then suddenly rapid footsteps were descending the stairs. Moblit and Jean appeared. 

“Section Commander!” Moblit exclaimed then he noticed the blood on Levi’s face and Erwin’s cuts. 

“How’s Y/N?” Erwin demanded. 

“Let us out!” Hange screamed. 

“HOWS Y/N!?” Levi yelled. Jean unlocked the door with the key from one of Hecate’s men. Levi ran out of the cell and dashed up the stairs, Hange followed after him. Hecate was dead on the ground and scattered on the floor were her men. Levi saw you slumped against the wall, Sasha was holding you. You had no pants on and instead there was blood dripping on your legs. Multiple long cuts down the length of your legs. 

“Captain!” Sasha exclaimed. “Captain, her pulse is faint.” Levi caressed you. Your eyes were closed and your head was nodded out. “I think she’ll need stitches.” He shook you a little waiting for a response. He was revolted at what Hecate did to you. He let anger get to him, gritted his teeth then went over to Hecate’s dead body and kicked her four times, grunting. 

“Levi!” Hange pulled him away and Levi pushed her off of him. Hange saw Mikasa crying at the sight of you with Armin comforting you. Levi went over you and Sasha. 

“She’ll need stitches, she lost a lot of blood. We need to get her to a hospital somewhere.”

“Sasha knows how stitch wounds.” Levi said.

“I don’t have any supplies.” Sasha said defeatedly. Connie ran into the room.

“I found a small first aid kit.” Connie said, panting. “We can clean her up and use whatever we can for now.” Sasha dashed over to Connie grabbing the first aid kit. 

“Captain Levi, are you wounded? There’s a bunch of blood on your back.” Moblit asked. 

“And on my face. Y/N is more important right now.” Levi said, his voice breaking. He could not lose another person he loves. 

6th Debriefing Session:

Levi didn’t want to sit. He listened to Hange and Dr. Yates relayed the details to Commander Erwin. His time with you this time felt so short. This time was the most you, you have been since That Day. He stared at the window. Having the trees fill his vision. Watching some scouts walk by or sit on the grass. The sunset was emitting an orange sky. Your favorite. Erwin was right. 

Levi leaned his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes. There was nothing left, but to wait for the next episode. Levi didn’t mean to zone out. His frustrated thoughts were consuming him and he was with you the whole time. He was defeated and didn’t know how to take the next steps. 

It felt like there was no improvement. As he gazed out the window, there were no positive thoughts. This was the life he was dealt. He abruptly turned around making Hange pause. 

“What is it, Levi?” She asked softly. He looked at the ground while walking past the table. Pressure building in his nose, his eyes starting to gloss over. He looked over his shoulder locking eyes with Erwin who had a sympathetic expression. With everything he had in him, he tried not to break.

“Start t-the paperwork, commander,” Levi did not win. 

Three weeks later:

Hange cautiously walked into your medical room. She held the door until it closed with a quiet click. She heard faint beeping and it was quiet. She knew Levi was behind the curtain sitting with you.

“I know it’s you, four-eyes.” Levi said shakenly. Hange walked around the curtain. Levi sat in a chair next to your bed. His arms were crossed and he was leaning back into the chair comfortably. Levi’s eyes were red and puffy. He looked at Hange and she saw the desperation in his eyes. Though he was sitting, there was no one around and so she stepped forward and hugged him. Levi nuzzled his face into her shoulder. Hidden, even though there was no one to hide from. Hange softly rubbed Levi’s back. 

“In the morning, right?” She asked.

“Yes . . .'' Levi pulled away from Hange and he stared at you. You looked like you were sleeping. He stood up from his chair and offered Hange his seat. They looked at you for a while. Both filled with thoughts. One thought after another. Begged for a change of fate. “Do me a favor . . .” Levi said and Hange didn’t look at him. “Stop blaming yourself . . .'' Hange put her face into her hands. “ . . . I was an asshole that day. I was wrong for calling you an idiot. Nothing was ever your fault”

“Levi . . .” she did her best to muffle her crying. “I thought if I could make it seem like I knew where Eren was . . . they would leave her alone . . . If only they questioned me instead . . .”

“Stop talking like that.” Levi said defeatedly. “I’ve forgiven you and you need to start forgiving yourself.” She sniffled.

“I wish I wasn’t losing my best friend . . .” Hange said and they looked at each other, knowingly. Years they have relied on each other and built years of trust. “And you.” They laughed. Hange wiped a tear from her eye.  

“Y/N would want you to visit.” Hange smiled.

“She would want all her friends to visit.” Hange said thinking of Sasha, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Jean, Connie, Christa, and anyone she saw Y/N sharing joyful moments with. Everyone liked her, even Annie. 

“You don’t need to ask, drop by when you’re available. You could stay with us.” Levi said. 

“I will . . . I want to be there with her.” Hange whispered. She gasped because she saw your hand jolt. It was more than a twitch, Hange stood up anticipating for any more movement. “Her hand moved! She can hear us.” Levi grabbed your hand and they both hovered over you. Waiting for any other sign of consciousness. You did not move. Hange brushed your hair with her fingers. “ . . . Y/N, It’s Hange . . . If you can hear me, I love you so much . . .” No movement. No twitching or any indication of consciousness. “I’ll visit you when I can . . .” 

In the morning, Levi and you started traveling to Mitras. Erwin and Darius Zackly ensured to put you in one of the top hospitals in Mitras. Fortunatly you did improve. Your lucid episodes started becoming longer and the periods inbetween shortened. You were not triggered as much. Levi was by your side most of the time.

 Two and a half years later after That Day you, Levi, and the psychologists hit a huge milestone. For six months you were lucid, your triggers no longer  made you panic, scream and kick. You didn’t need to be sedated. You were able to relay the details of That Day without being triggered. Levi was allowed to take you out of the hospital and live togehter in the city. That day was now a painful memory. You didn’t cry when remembering it. Every now and then you would have nightmares about That Day, but when Levi woke you up you knew you were safe. You would calm down and then go back to sleep. 

Two years and nine months after that day, Levi and you officially were married. Though he already considered you his wife, he was elated that it was official. Friends who visited you in the hospital were there. Most of the scouts who you knew attended. Commander Erwin was happy to see you healthy and happy to see Levi happier. Everyone mentioned how happy they were to see you healthy and like your old self. You met Sasha’s boyfriend, Niccolo at the wedding. But when she showed you a ring on her finger you met her fiance. You cheered and jumped up and down excitedly. You planned to hang out for a day with Mikasa and Sasha. Eren wanted to come, but Mikasa told him no. 

Three years after that day, you barely thought of that day. You were free spirited and started to enjoy reading again. You mostly stayed home, cleaning, cooking and doing hobbies. Sometimes when the scouts were in town you’d invite your friends over for dinner. Most of the time you had a quiet and peaceful life. 

Three years and two months later, Levi brought up the idea that he would return to the Survey Corps. You were confused and almost begging him to not return. You didn’t want something to happen to him while he was away with the scouts. You absolutely did not want to go back. You wanted Levi to stay with you and continue the peaceful life you had with him. He agreed that he had everything he wanted. A home, a beautiful wife, a peaceful life on the surface, but he felt like he had a duty to fulfill. That he needed to payback Commander Erwin for helping him with everything he’s done. 

It took a while for you to come around, but you wanted Levi to feel fulfilled. You knew he was capable of doing everything he could to survive. You knew he would come back to you. 

Three and a half years after that day, Levi returned to being Captain of the special operations squad. You would visit each other in your free time. Sometimes you felt lonely, but you lived a peaceful and safe life which is what Levi wanted for you. 

Thank you for reading through the editing mistakes. It takes a good 50 mins to read through this whole story and I just need to study for finals rn LOL

Also i know the villians are random. Lol originally they were going to be Zeke Peick and Galliard but i couldnt imagine them doing shit that dark LMAO

masterlist

[kingsillysmilez]

Is there any particular artist, show, game, or movie that inspired ur art style? It’s so pretty ^^

I have so many!!! I definitely can't name every single one but heres a few that have been extremely influential to me!! This took me 2 hours to write i am SO sorry lmao

Puyo Puyo (Specifially Fever, Quest, and Tetris)

CUTESY BRIGHT BRIGHT COLORS!!!!!! Thats everything I love!!!!!! I'm pretty sure I talked about this when I first got into puyo puyo but I for SURE instantly decided that yep Im steering my style in this direction sorryyyyyy!!! I just think its so fun and silly and cute and rahhh it makes me so happy.

Especially for the work I do most often, which is character portraits without backgrounds, I will often look at puyo puyo posing just to get ideas!! (I've drawn Arle's dumbfounded pose 100000000 times becus I love it so much). The puyo puyo anatomy has very noodly arms and legs but with big ass shoes and accessories which is probably my favorite design thing in the world....

I seriously recommend just looking through the Puyo Puyo Nexus wiki for pose ideas (if you want something cute/silly of course) because every single one is just perfect. I am trying to get out of some dumb art habits of my own right now, but hopefully in the future you'll be able to see more goofy poses with sillier effects :3

Muse Dash Again I want you to look at the COLORS. Its so bright and this time you can really tell where I took my shading style from. I dont want my shadows to be dark I want them to be PINK or PURPLE. thank you. For my own art, I really try to make it so the darkest "black" is actually a deep purple or blue, and as I keep making art that dark color keeps getting just a bit lighter haha...

This is also the reason I color my lineart the way I do. I just really want to add as many colors as possible into the image. And if the image looks a bit more pink after that then thats just an extra perk!!

I also need to bring up the animation because they're just so bouncy and alive!!! This is like an instant stunlock for me, I have to look at them, theyre so BOUNCYYY!!!!!! I don't do much animation but every other week I get the sudden urge to try tweening again just to eventually get to the point I can make something similar to these for my own ocs lol

Great Pretender This show has some of the most gorgeous art ive ever seen. All the backgrounds are so bright and colorful. I dont usually draw art with backgrounds anymore sadly, but when I used to I really tried to study these for them. And I hope in the future I can make more art and show how far I've come.

Though I;ve changed to a more chibi style in recent times (thanks puyo puyo), this was still one of the first times I had ever watched a show and said "Oh my god I love this artstyle I need to get better at art" and Its always in my mind for that reason.

Ive definitely stolen lots of elements from the style. Though they've gotten more subtle over the years. I dont really know how to describe it any further but I hope you understand what I mean by looking at these screenshots,,,

[teethcake]

literally just went through your whole blog and SOBBED.

my creepypasta phase was a big part of my life and still is. it shaped me as a person and my skills as an artist and writer as well when it came to creating ocs as I'm not creating overpowered Mary sues anymore lmao

AND SEEING YOUR ART AGAIN?? ON MY DASH??

Little me was so happy to see it always, it was never not a joy to see and really helped boost and keep my obsession with creepypasta going for a while. Your slenderman art is absolutely beautiful and so stylistic? It's like art gummies

I remember going through 'which creepypasta character is your boyfriend' quizzes on quotev, convincing myself that I was just doing it for 'fun' because I didn't want to be a fan girl and seeing your art pop up in the quizzes for it 😊

Anyways, thank you for existing !! ☺️🤗

im being so serious, tell me your favorite creepypasta rn so i can doodle them for you bc this ask is so sweet WTFF THANK YOUUUU all the creepypasta art i have on here besides a few recent ones are sooo old but im so touched people like them still it really keeps me going you have no idea T__T thank you and everyone here im getting to a point where im feeling kindof comfortable posting again, drawing esp (ive been drawing just going through own withdrawals) so its so sweet and nice to get messages like this...... thank you oml

[carmenized-onions]

HEY LOVELY!!!

Been a while since ive done one of these. Im re-reading AGAIN and forever will be. im obsessed, truly.

Through re-reading this hit SO hard.

“The other shoe still hangs in the air; but not in your bed.”

LIKE WHAT? HELLO? KILL ME? Your writing is phenomenal. i cannot fathom how you do this EVERY CHAPTER.

Anyway, im so exited to read every chapter to come. Am i in love with Tony? maybe a little (a lot). I was also wondering if you have anything planned for after you finish Chicago's finest? Another The Bear book? or maybe something else entirely? Not to rush you or anything, obviously. Im just so incredibly nosy. My deep apologies.

Just to tell you for the millionth time, im in love with you, youre writing, Tony, how you write the characters, EVERYTHING. gives me life.

me when i hear anyone coming even CLOSE to me while im reading Chicago's finest.

me planning a characters slow and painful demise when they upset Tony. (love you Carmy. not really. no, joking i do. maybe not. NO I DO I SWEAR.)

me trying to act casual when i see you've posted.

ALSO

me trying to act casual when Tony and Syd are interacting. (Dont worry, babe! by Chappell Roan? Who said that...?)

ANYWAY (for the second time) very sorry that this is just me rambling about stuff you dont want to hear.

Hope you're having an amazing day/night, lovely!!

I've stuck you in perpetual re-reading hell have I? My deepest apologies. Esp since I've been chronically re-reading in my brief basically hiatus as i write, I USE SO MANY COMMAS GUYS??? WHY WERE YOU LETTING ME GET AWAY WITH THAT??

the revisions once the series is finished is gonna go CRAZY.

Anyways, SUCH A DELIGHT to hear what silly prose of mine sticks out to you!! thank god you think i do it every chapter!! i am constantly doubting each chapter (man why do you think 15 has been so delayed? LMAO)

I adored using the other shoe as a through line throughout the Troubled Angst arc, one because it's very canon, but also because its very much a thing for me, like, when a good thing happens, cannot HELP but wonder how it's going to get fucked in the end.

which, after telling my doctor that, got reccomended the same books i reccomended carmen LMAO. love you son <3

THANK YOU FOR LOVING TONY!!! I love her dearly, I put so much of myself in her and also so much of what I see and love about my darling friends; my sweet darling dashing hero complex burden carrying the guy overconfident yet under confident tony. My sweet babe. the people love you!!

As for when I finish Chicago's Kindest (PUNCH BUGGY ACAB!! FUCK THE FINEST!!), I'll probably certainly absolutely take a break from writing for The Bear for a bit (though I'll definitely be around to answer asks!! duh!!). But once I return, I am hoping to...

If you send in little blurb requests for Chicago's Kindest, I'll do em!! I know esp with like Mikey/Chip there's a lot of bits that have been spoken about but never actually written out and lived. So like. If you got requests, send em in, I might write em.

I promised a SquidInk spinoff and bitch you're getting one!! There's two different ideas I've got twirling around for them at the moment, they might combine into one one off, or two separate things, who's to say!

More and More I cannot see RiChip as anything more than a platonic duo, but like, maybe I'll try to write something about them? I do adore those two. I just cant see em doin a kiss. that's just bad for my brain.

And I have no hard plans atm, but like, I'd like to write something for RIchie in general at some point. What about and what of? Idk. Certainly not a series this long. that's for fucking sure.

I don't think I can ever write for Carmen though again LMAOOO, it's only Tony for me atp. Like I can't pair him with a new reader, I'll fucking freak out. It's Chip or Die, y'know?

And while I have an epilogue planned, once Season 4 comes out, if there's something interesting that I feel like I wanna throw my hat in on, I'll come back for a Chicago's Kindest Season 2, so to speak. But no promises. They will probably give me nothing to work with, with how our stories diverge. who's to say.

anyways! not nosy!! sorry for talking about it for so fucking long!!!

i'm so glad I write the characters well, please note that it's cause I'm always freaking out about it. I am re-writing bits of lines all the time to make sure it suits their voices and decisions ,and even still i have changes i wanna make looking back LMAO

DONT CRASH OUT WHEN READING CHICAGO'S KINDEST LMAOSOD where is everyone typically when reading CK?? I'm usually on the subway editing my google doc lmao

and listen, every time i re-read Just Dropped i'm like damn. why did i not go with the punching route. should've cold clocked his ass. (love you carmy but JESUS CHRIST I WROTE ALL THAT??? WHAT WAS I GOING THROUGH MY WORD???)

THE LAST PHOTO ALSO?? i know that's a classic promo image but what the FUCK IS RICHIE DOING IN THE BACK? WHY ARE YOU SITTING LIKE THAT??? SIT UP BIG MAN WHAT THE HELL WE RUN A BUSINESS GIRL

Always rant and ramble to me!! Love to wake up to spam in my inbox. even if it takes me ten years to answer (sorry to everyone still trapped in my inbox, i love you babies)

all of you are really gonna hoot and holler when you see the squidink playlist, truly, it's so gay and sad. i love those idiots. when do i get to make them kiss. is it now? i hope it's now.

anyways i am SO LATE TO GO TO BED I'VE GOTTA GO BABIES BUT THANK YOU FOR CHATTIN WITH ME SORRY FOR TALKING FOR TOO LONG <3 HOPE I GET YOU YOUR NEXT CHAPTER SOON BABY I'M SORRY FOR THE FORCED HIATUS

[aspiring-artist-em]

get to know better tag

thank you @achilleslikespeas!! you're so so amazing omg- anyhoo

three ships: wolfstar, ineffable husbands (someone pls talk to me about good omens I literally can NOT rn), drarry

first ship: drarry, it’s a tried and true ship for me, ive been shipping it since I was like, a child  (literally flashback to me at like, 7 years old telling my mom that harry and Draco should get over each other and buy a castle and live together forever as a happy couple (parents were not happy that their daughter was saying this (they were homophobic( (im now gay and still shipping it so suck it, ig)))

last song: I would love to lie and say its something cool like “killer queen” or “lady stardust” bc I listen to those a lot, but once again, I would be lying and my actual last song that I listened to was “no hands (ft. Roscoe dash and wale)”, yk, the frat party song, I like to play it while writing angst

last movie: Harry Potter? idk what one, I like to put the tv on while I do stuff like budget money and write fanfic and draw, so honestly idk, it was probably the chamber of secrets, that and poa are my all time favs 

currently reading: ur mom LMAO (im so sorry) no, what im reading is smut, and also like, a good omens fic about Crowley’s fall (witness the fall) bc im trying to forget about season 2′s ending. im also reading away childish things (again) bc like, that's one of my fav drarry fics of all time. if we’re talking about marauders fics, it was probably her body is a temple down in the frozen food aisle  by achilleslikespeas, both for my emotional masochistic enjoyment and bc I wanted to draw a scene in the story (go read it now pls, its really good, Claude is really good a writing and im freaking out bc I wanna draw a scene from every single one of their fics I- like go-to horror dead dove fics for me I reccomend Claude and for smut I go to moonie), if we’re talking books books, Ive been reading yellowface and I am a cat which so far, are really really good, but also like, im really bad at reading so like, I haven't actually touched them in a week LMAO

currently watching: good omens, its playing on my tv in the background both because I love it and also because Neil said if u stream it enough amazon will see how valuable it is (with the strike and everything) and like, actually be willing to negotiate, essentially, help out the strike, go watch gay celestial beings 

last thing i wrote: 'Til Death Do Us Part, and Even Then, I'll Do My Best to Stay With You, its a dead dove fic centering around grief and denial, uh, 2 chapters in lol

currently writing: I have like, a million wips and no motivation to write rn so lets dive into them lol

1) chapter 3 of do death do us part, very sad, like, maybe 3 sentences in?

2) the next part of my lesbian wolf star series, its the one right before the trail one, so like, part 10 is gonna be another chapter centering more around Sirius’s memories and part 11 is gonna be the trial, I have like, 2 separate things ive written for it and I need to decide where I want it to go tbh

3) smut, gay wolf star, frat hazing blow or blow smut. sirius is on his knees and almost throws up but he doesn't and its lowkey like actually non con but its also frat hazing, like, idk how to explain the vibes but sirius is referred to as a dog and a filthy animal and degraded and he's sucking remus’s dick on coke and im like 2k words in and like, running out of ways to describe a cock lol (its also hard to bc like, I don't have a dick and my textbooks are no help sometimes) but he is also called the “pike puppy” and like, I think im smart for that and also its really filthy ngl, not a happy ending?

4) a short fluff fic to make up for the angst I put my readers through, im like 200 words in

5) au kinda thing, inspired by don't worry darling and like a TikTok that I saw (and now people are commenting on me commenting if I can write the idea and asking for the fic name and like, Im 500 words in? pls I need time), the idea is that Dumbledore has everyone under imperio or a potion to get them on his side to fight for him, lily’s pov, I really like it so far, uhh im like 500 words in I think?

so yeah, when I get inspiration im gonna write everything all at once lol, probably when my body isn't trying to kill me lmao or im at work

tagging: @spookymoonie @pinklume @wxlfstxrisbest @spindrifters @siriuslystargazing @siriusly-sapphic @green-lights-33

[ottersinhats]

simblr gratitude day ‼️

thank you to everyone who has supported this little hobby of mine from the bottom of my heart. i started this tumblr at a time in my life where it finally had started going uphill. it has seen me through some really rough times and has become a space where i can truly be myself with my fellow simmers.

ive played and loved this game since 2018 and the fact that anyone wants to engage with my story brings me so much joy. no one in my real life knows that i do this, so it really is something that is all my own.

i deeply love these characters and seeing them through their lives. i know i say this all the time but i want to be more consistent with it, but life happens. i can't believe it's been a year and a half and im only on gen 4 lmao.

thank you to the lovely people who inspire me everyday with their own stories i live seeing you on my dash. there are too many to tag but know i am excited everyday you post. even as i near 200 followers my mind is blown everytime i get more than 10 notes lol.

again thank you and sorry for the rant lol

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

ive said this like 4 or 5 times irl, maybe twice online, and it's been recieved VERY positively so far, everytime; so i assume it's a good rule of thumb on how to tell if youre a millenial or gen z

also i admit, this rule of thumb MIGHT(?) be American only?? bc it relies, via implicatipn, on some of the nationalistic/patriotic propaganda. idk how heavy those sentiments are for one's own home-country when said home-country is not a territory within the USA. so if such applies to you, great! well. not "great"-great, bc it actually sucks to experience that as your overall enviroment. but like. you get to join in too. that's what i mean lol

anyway. people who were born at the fringes of baby-millenial/elder-gen-z-er/zillenial/whatever, here's my pitch to you on "what side are you on":

if you grew up, feeling like you were decieved on how [the world/your home-country/the economy/etc] works?? like you feel like kid you had so many hopes be dashed as things "became unveiled" as it were?? millenial

versus: if you grew up seeing [the world/your home-country/the economy/etc] works with a reluctant or despairing "ahh... so this is how things are", not feeling lied to at all, but rather just like you are old enough to be observant of "the truth" and that younger-you was just unaware?? gen z

if you're somehow both (which is a response i have not heard irl or online yet when i broached this, but is one i statistically know could happen), you're either a 50/50 "zillenial" or you pick the majority-experience you most identify with. so, if you want to say you grew up 75% "ahh... so this is how things are" and 25% feeling decieved by the adults/culture around you?? you can do a joke about "i am a gen z sun-sign with a millenial moon" zodiac oooorrr just say you're a gen z in that example. whatever. there's no rules lmao

which means, yeah, you can be a 2000-millenial with a 1996-gen-z best friend, sure. hell, it means people you share/d classrooms with are also probably a mixed bag of gen-z-ers and millenials. my big brother is a millenial (he is not in the fringes) and my littlest sister is a gen z member (also not in the fringes), and id consider myself (a '97 baby 🤡) a member of gen z. meanwhile, my little sister (the who IS with me on being in the fringes) is debating it still and most of these days is leaning millenial(? could be subject to change). whatever. it happens

bc baby-millenials and elder-gen-z-ers are both at the blurry (fringes) area and sometimes people were parented differently, some towns in some states had odd climates, sometimes people processed things differently, it's okay if we don't make a ton of sense

it's just those two items tend to be kind of the core of a millenial or gen-z-er (from the USA), so that's how i personally vote the shift be made. very choose-your-own adventure but with a dash of some ✨️guidance✨️ so youre not lost in the woods, so to speak, like, you now know where north is (or what i say north is, bc again, idk how "universal" this is outside of the USA) but whatever lol

just wanted to share in case it continues to be a helpful lil guide for people to decide how they feel

[wild-winder]

》Rules《

Hello.

I go by feral. they/them or she/her.

You might have heard of me. Or maybe not. Ive been around one side of this rpc or another for somewhere around 10 years.

I will turn asks and anons on and off again depending on my safety. if I forget to turn that back on before an ask meme let me know lmao

if you can make it through these rules without being scared off. maybe I will give you a chance. yes they are extremely long. consider it a filter. if you can't handle that. get out. you're already not worth me giving a chance.

I'm well fucking over 18. I am over 30 years old. Get off my lawn. Kids don't belong on Tumblr let alone anywhere near this RP blog. this is 18+ and you need to get the fuck out of here.

I will do icons or iconless threads. I primarily do ic-blogging but I will also do para. I don't always have the energy for threads but I'm willing to adapt.

I am nowhere near as acerbic as these rules make me sound. all of this is essentially fear-biting. but this community leaves me no fucking recourse other than to come in guns drawn. I will keep myself safe. unless you are already friends with me? I do not give a fuck about you. I am here for my safety. this community is too toxic to my well being for me to be anything else.

this blog will be NSFW. all of my blogs will be. though I plan to keep most overt erotic posting to side blogs there will be lurid stuff here and I likely will do sexual sunday stuff here. Get lost if you can't handle it. I'll try to tag such things #nsfw //

in general my tags are in the "#blank //" format but if you have a specific tag you use let me know!

this blog will also feature usage of weed and psychedelics, but no hard drugs.

I have extremely complex and very very harshly enforced rules. I have a lot of needs as a mun. I am not going to apologize for them, because this community at large makes zero effort to make any form of safe space for me to exist in. So instead I will make it myself. If you do not follow these rules you will be blocked for my own safety.

If you find yourself randomly blocked by me and you dont know me, you probably post some triggering shit the algorithm keeps shoving onto my dash so i had to block you to get rid of it. nothing against you. this site just sucks.

I am extremely selective. meaning im very choosy about who I interact with. who i follow. and who follows me. don't take it personal. i have extremely complex triggers that make Tumblr a wildly unsafe environment for me. I can only exist here with extremely harshly enforced boundaries and even then I see shit on here that triggers my intrusive thoughts every single fucking day.

I will only RP with mutuals. I will only RP with non mutuals on very select occasions. often I don't even look at my dash because I don't trust y'all to actually respect my needs and not start reblogging triggering shit because you "forgot." I am so incredibly used to having multiple days of violently intrusive thoughts because some friends "forgot."

and I am so incredibly tired.

I am fat and do have trauma around being fat how I depict big bodies with sexual overtones comes from a place of self acceptance and I will absolutely drag your ass through the dirt if you try and come for me with that. your experience with fatphobia is not mine. I will reclaim my own damn body how I fucking want to and I do not care about your opinion. My body positivity my rules.

I am aggressive and will bite as a mun, I’ve gotten too much bullshit to do otherwise. I have 6 years of experience moderating hyper leftist communities with over 10,000 members. I have heard every brain dead idpol argument in existence. If you try and go to war with me you won't win. Multiple individuals on this platform have tried. None have succeeded. Don't fucking bother. I will beat you.

there are people in this community I do not want to ever see again. if I see you interacting with them I will not start drama. I will not spread rumors. I will just unfollow or block you. that is all.

I do not respect anti vs proship rhetoric and i will not acknowledge or care about it. it's fucking stupid ass teenager culture war nonsense based on radfem terf beliefs worming their way into queer spaces. Get your own disgust-based reflexive politics out of my life because your bullshit is what empowered the current anti-trans wave that's destroying lives. get your worthless ramshackle house in order. you aren't virtue signalling by including it in your rules you're just an idiot.

freaks are absolutely welcome here. freaks and weirdos with every kind of depraved fucked up or silly cartoon deviantart kink imaginable. there might be some things I don't want to see but I will not judge you. yes even for that. yes even for that. I am an ex-furry. There are no kinks that will make me judge you. as long as it is between consenting adults then I don't care.

Please don't stalk my DMs, I am very selective socializing that much especially with people I don't know, its exhausting and puts me on the spot, besides, trying to get me to interact with you that way is a fast way to get me to not do that. Do not see me posting as a right to pester me via dm or on discord. That shit makes me so uncomfortable. I will bite.

this blog is multiverse & multiship. canon is extremely fluid and will change or be rewritten or retconned at any time.

I don’t do actual sex rp with anyone but close friends. do not try. I will block you and retcon any history you have with my characters as blog canon is arbitrary and fluid.

tag shit #feral don't look or #feral dont look

use this tag so I don't have to mind your 4000000 different personalized tagging systems. my safety is about me. not your blog aesthetics.

if you are making it through this. Good for you. I do not require you to automatically send a rules password. I know that can make people anxious. But. If you plan on trying to interact with me, then I need you to include the password "paws up" somewhere. that way I will know you have acknowledged these rules and will abide by them. otherwise I won't interact with you.

dont talk to me about religion and spirituality. yes yours too, even yours. deeply traumatized exvangelical. what beliefs i have are my own and im not interested in yours. that means any mention of demons or angels even in character form. that also counts for witchcraft and such that closely mimics irl spiritual practices. Stuff that's obviously fairy tale fantasy stuff doesn't count. Yes there is a difference between folktales and irl spiritual beliefs. Use your brain. if it's commonly accepted mythological fantasy fun material it's fine. if it is buried in the trappings of modern real world spiritual practices it is not fine.

a dnd wizard is gamey fun fantasy, your irl new age spiritualism is not the same thing. they are not interchangeable. one is made up nonsense for fun and games and the other is a real held real world belief. The latter I do not want to see. and if any game or media specifically draws from those real held real world beliefs. It is off limits for me. and if I see it I will block you.

This means I don't want to see hazbin hotel, this means I don't want to see helluva boss, this means I don't want to see dungeon meshi, this means I don't want to see your edgy demon oc blog. This means I don't want to see your castiel blog. If you get anywhere near me with any of it or reblog or post any of it untagged you will almost certainly be automatically blocked. unless I know you personally and can talk to you about it I am going to just cut you loose without a second thought.

I do not give a fuck about your stupid ass fandom wars over these properties. I need them off my dash because they're triggering. That is the only reason I care. If it involves demons or devils succubi or incubi or deadly sins or hell or angels or heaven or even a stupid pitchfork and demon horns halloween costume any of that horseshit get it the fuck away from me or I will start attacking. I will not be nice to you.

the actual trappings of church or priests or temples are not nearly as triggering as the more metaphysical aspects of religion.

I will not engage with any aspect of settings surrounding that kind of religiousity even in settings my characters are ostensibly in. consider those elements to be retconned even from canon settings I roleplay in. I do not care. No I don't care if yours don't "have a religious theme." if it's got western religious trappings I won't touch it and I will block you.

Japanese yokai don't count. we just call those demons because translators are stupid.

I have other triggers, but people are so incapable of following even this one that I almost don't feel like bothering to bring it up. I don't do alcohol or alcoholism. I don't really like slugs and snails. but they all pale in comparison to how difficult it is to exist in this community with the previously outlined restrictions.

if you made it all the way to the end. good for you. maybe I'll give you a chance. but don't take it personal if I'm not up for it. either way? I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and understand this.

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

hi hi hii sorry ive been a bit busy but i love talking to you <33

ooh gift giving day is coming closerrr i lowkey hope you like yours ajsjfjdjc

fun fact: i listened to story of us for the first time today?!??? i know im crazy ajdjejsjd such a fan i am

alsoo while we are on the topic of my little pony ajdjrjs whats your favourite character?

herbal tea is soo good and chamomile tea after a hard dayy soo reall unfortunately i cant function properly without coffee so i prefer coffee ajdjfjsjf but tea is definitely more calming and probably more healthy for me lmao

see, i would pick master any instrument bc im not a sporty person andjdjs im more into music been learning it since i was 6 and i own an acoustic guitar which i would love to be able to play barre chords on but tbf the main instrument id like to master is ELECTRIC GUITARSSSS omg im obsessed w electric guitars theyre absolutely loml any character that plays them will forever be my favourite character electric guitars are SO HOT sorry im very passionate abt them i would love to be able to play some sick riffs on an electric guitar (also they just overall look so cool omg akdkejsjd) ive always wanted to learn electric guitar since i was a kid or like a bass 😍😍

anywayss amdjeksjd what would you pick? and my question for you: if you could pursue 3 careers what would they be? (if you dont mind sharing) alsoo cats or dogs? and sky blue or baby pink?

-swiftie spring exchange anon

Hello again! Is ok, no need to apologise! I'm enjoying talking to you as well! (Also low key shocked you only just heard that song the other day?? I swear it was everywhere at one point XD)

I'm sure I will like mine!! I am stressing over if my person will like theirs tho XD

My favourite MLP character is Rainbow Dash, but I'm a fan of Applejack too. I like the dynamics Applejack has with everyone, whilst with Rainbow Dash I think she's just super cool. How can I not love a rainbow pegasus??

Pfft sometimes coffee confuses me because everyone I know who drinks it seems to drink it for the caffeine...do people actually like coffee itself, or is it the caffeine? I'm mostly joking but also very confused XD And ooh...honestly electric guitars are very cool. I don't know why but they're just always associated with cool for whatever reason?? Electric instruments fascinate me however. Like what we make electric vs what we don't...imagine an electric violin. Or a flute. A recorder XD Idk but basically I can see why you'd pick that!! It's really cool you can do the guitar! I am terrible with music (I tried to learn the violin as a kid...I broke part of it on the very first day, panicked, and tried to fix it with superglue. It...sorta worked, enough so that I managed to just keep quiet about it until I turned 18 and was well away from consequences regarding breaking it lol.)

I think personally I'd like to go sports, but opportunities are low where I am, so it feels a bit wasted :( So maybe music? Ideally sports, especially anything that lets me go super fast. ALSO I want to be able to swim. And currently I uh cannot. And keep failing at trying to learn. Oh well.

Okay so 3 careers...I feel like I'm gonna be a bit vague here. First is my ideal career of "something that helps children with special educational needs". Whether that's like, support in schools, or making sure schools provide the right support, idk. Second...probably something medical? When I was younger I had wanted to study medicine at uni. I did not in the end but yeah! Helping out in the medical industry would be fun. And third...an animator! I've not got the patience for it tho XD What about you??

And cats!! I have two, one of which is sleeping beside the computer and the other is currently climbing over the keyboard and trying to sit on my arms. She is very helpful (sarcasm) but I love her so she gets away with everything XD You? And unsure on the pink vs blue...probably blue? In general I prefer warm colours to cool colours, but if I look around I have more blue things than pink things so maybe blue is the exception?

And last but not least, my question to you: of the four elements, air, water, fire and earth, which would you most like to be able to control?

[waloeders]

i have a bunch of fun tibids relating to that fic (so spoilers below for my own fic i guess??? and also ff16 spoilers LMAO) but i dont wanna clog dash so. readmore my beloved<3

this turned into an info dump abt so many things. enjoy?

- ok so fun fact #1: the use of Lord vs lord throughout is directly relating to how much barnabas' belief in ultima as a god/the god is wavering

- similarly, the use of mythos vs logos. in another fic set before this one that ive yet to post 🙈, clive (aka mythos, aka logos) makes a point to barnabas abt being logos not mythos, which ultima affirms. despite this, barnabas is still clinging to clive being mythos bc if hes logos, all the scripture n beliefs he has are wrong

- barnabas often mimics ultimas phrasings and sayings, even in game, including the use of Eikon names rather than the persons yaknow. actual name. e.g. shiva vs jill. kosmos vs ryder. mythos/logos vs clive etc etc

- barnabas n sleipnir have a. weird semi-spiritual bond. this is mostly hc'd from me bc we never see it super directly or stated in game/story? its implied that a dominant can sense when their egi is killed but not really expanded upon. where benedikta (garudas dominant) can sense her egi n refers to them as 'sisters', her egi arent nearly as human or as, well, sentient/alive as sleipnir is.

- im also taking the stance of sleipnir being originally an extension of barnabas (+odin) that he made to protect himself from his grief/loneliness. but over the ~50yrs theyve been alive + together, hes grown into his own being and does have traits/personality that barny didnt give him/doesnt have himself. hes very much his own person but cant die (permanently) unless barnabas does. he can also duplicate himself, change some parts of his appearance and still has this bond with barnabas that allows them to vaguely sense where the other is, what theyre doing and better interpret what the other wants/means

- im takin it to be theyve been in the worlds longest qpr while never actually really admitting it to each other. this is both good and bad for them (mostly bad for the world, they enable each other)

- fun fact!! canonically sleipnir and ultima never interact in game. sleipnir only ever interacts with some ppl from kanver at the start, hugo (titan), benedikta (garuda), barnabas ofc and clive. dude is not getting out and about nearly enough. but interestingly as an egi, he can be (physically) very far from where barnabas is! its also kind of implied that he can prime into his horse form without needing barnabas as odin?

- this fic does have the least amount of kosmos introspective. wack. hes just going through the motions, okay? its not like hes been kidnapped n threatened by a god-like being before. their ass is not thinking 💀💀

- ultima uses this weird combo of we/us but when on the defensive, it speaks of i/me. im assuming this is relating to ultima being multiple beings of ultima-species merged into one hivemind-like being? and this idea/notion of being part of this larger whole but when afraid, feeling alone and like one being again. i also tend to use it over he for it partly bc i impart kosmos' perspective a lil n he views ultima that way and partly bc there was like 4 different he/him users there. guys. pls. invite some women to ur fights its not very feminism of u

- barnabas's mother is never named in anything. she doesnt even have voice lines when ultima turns into her in the game, despite it being able to mimic benedikta and hugo (also dead)??? like she is the epitome of fridged i feel so bad for her. but context is she is killed when barny is 18 for worshipping ultima n thats what causes him to prime as odin for the first time and create sleipnir (as an egi/person)

- but barny is the first dominant of odin literally ever so its like. sleipnir is part of odin (the eikon) and in my mind first shows up/is created as a guy when barnabas unprimes that first time. and theyve just stuck together ever since

- speaking of. sleipnir does worship ultima too, but largely bc barnabas does. they share a lot of beliefs abt ultima + mankind (esp. since its been them two for again, like 50yrs) but he draws the line at ultima hurting barnabas, hes sleipnir's #1 priority over anything or anyone else

- sleipnir literally has one line to kosmos in this and hes bullying them i 💀💀😭😭 it made me laugh so much i was like 100% he would watch and just throw in the occasional comment, the only reason he didnt comment in game when clive fights that thing outside hugos palace is bc he didnt want clive to know he was there i KNOW im right

- final sleipnir tibit is actually that in canon we never see if he has a semi-primed form? its assumed not since hes an egi, not a dominant but i decided that his armoured look is his semi-prime since thats true of barnabas + we dont see sleipnir change into his armour. its true to me

- ultima actually slips that kosmos is kin (as in also an ultima) in this but somehow none of the gang notice! com'on guys 😭

- the golden aether!!!!! aether is always blue in canon and i wanted it so that when kosmos uses aether/magick a) it to look cool b) for kosmos (the ultima being) to look distinct from ultima (hivemind)

- technically speaking. ultima is a non corporeal being, it doesn't have a physical body buuut since zantetsuken "severs" some shit in ur atoms, it works

- it is kosmos that teleports them away, not barnabas! prior to this, clive absorbed odin and altho ive not mentioned it yet, kosmos n logos have a weird connection - the more eikons clive absorbs, the stronger kosmos gets (as he is also getting the eikons). in a similar way to mythos og needing to absorb eikons so that ultima can possess clive long enough to cast the spell for the new world w/o dying, kosmos (the ultima) needs the eikons to both get strong (theyre like half dead prior to this) and to awaken (which is what happens in this fic). so yeah, he is the one using odins rift slip, not barny! :3

theres a bunch more stuff abt kosmos i wanna talk abt but also. i wanna write it out in fic form bc theres so much that happens its a slap

i have like at least 3 shitposts i wanna make regarding the fic too that are basically like.

---

barny: i would never betray you, my lord!

kosmos, glowing gold less than 5mins later: hi

barny: ....fuck.

---

sleipnir: can we sick this guy PLEASE can we please sick this guy can we have a fight can we have a figh- {etc}

---

clive: we got back as soon as we could jill, which way did they go??

kosmos n barnabas: *reappear in the hideaway after having the most traumatic, life-altering, religion-breaking moments of their lives*

cid: found them! :3 <- guy abt to get the hide n seek championship award

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

Oh Kat :( Out of all of this I'm concerned the most about you writing for others and not for yourself, but I'm willing to see your point. It happens often to me, I daydream a lot and when i catch myself thinking "this would make a good fic" i have to make sure I'm not putting pressure on myself. in a way yeah it's as if you're offering this as a gift to others, like here's whats in my brain, it took me 2 hours to make it so you can experience my thoughts too. and to me the solution to this is, you gotta find something that makes it worth it to post other than the notes and the feedback. for me this is the documentation of these thoughts. because when they're in your head they start to fade with time but when they're on paper you can revisit them in their full glory LMAO yes I'm talking even about a theo smut fic, especially about a theo smut fic. also yeah writing without posting is a thing but if you're like me you wouldn't put in the same effort so...

also the fulfillment of having a collection of something that you carefully constructed, each one bit by bit. my fics are like my children, i love them all even if I've forgotten some of their names oops

i dont want to sound like a philosopher or try to change your mind on something that I'm sure you've already spent enough time thinking on, i just. genuinely hope you're having a healthy approach to this thing. because it's scary to start feeling weird about your hobby to the point where you don't want to do it anymore. i know there's plenty of outside factors and i can only wish you a better job opportunity in the near future, i really really hope things get better for you.

as for the fandom having been more interactive than how it is right now, Ive already talked about this awhile ago but i...don't think so? especially when you say that people arent talking to each other, when that's all I'm seeing on my dash. there's so much going on now, more than ive ever seen before. when i was lurking on the tag back in the early days of ikevamp EN, there were tons of posts every day but those people didn't necessarily talk to each other, they were just co-existing. does anyone remember the ikemen-writers-of-discord or something like that? it was a large writing community that posted under one blog, so many creators listed on there. in my eyes that was a pretty big deal. i was just starting off with my writing and i secretly hoped to get in there one day. now i look back at it, and it turns out the notes they've accumulated are mostly likes. it could be that i stumbled upon the wrong fics for this conclusion, but still, it makes me think that people were a lot more shy back then! whereas now we do so many things to make the community feel warmer. there are tons of challenges, we encourage ocs which is a pretty big thing for prompting interactions between blogs, we're roleplaying like never before, we also have more cybird games so there's always something to talk about... i know people are going to hate me for this but i think this is the best time to be a part of the ikemen fandom on tumblr.it's very easy to fall for nostalgia blues and i miss the early days as well but we shouldn't dwell too much on it right? try talking to people again! maybe you just couldn't mash well with the last one(s) you approached but that shouldn't stop you from trying! and of course don't push yourself either... for this or for writing. kinktober is a serious deal. ive only completed it once. you shouldn't aim to complete it every year :( you're gonna burn out big time and we don't want that

thank you for respecting my choice, Kat. just you wait until i cure my depression and i binge some of your stuff again KJHKFHG

A YEAR IN THE MAKING

You know this BIG project I keep mentioning??

A good amount of you have guessed it, some of you know all about it because I've been bouncing ideas off of you to help me with the thought process.

SALAÌ IS GETTING HIS OWN ROUTE!!!!

Long story short.. it was supposed to be 8-10 chapters. It was going to be a speed run route. It's obvs not a real route it can be quick and not so indepth right? Right?

It's 20 chapters. With 3 side stories and an Episode 0.

There were going to be 4 cgs but... Art is pricey and well... honestly.. his route isn't even canon.

In Salaìs route, you, the mc, meet Salaì as he's painting in town. He's there looking for someone but you don't know who. But you get closer to him, going on little dates.. having no choice but to stay at his place for a night, helping him get his art shown in a gallery...and then it falls apart

I will be posting each chapter separately. There will be 3-4 days between each chapter. I will have a tag list. If you are tagged on this post you are already part of it. If you'd like to be part of it just comment saying so.

Minor details: so he has 3 side stories plus the episode 0...those will not be posted here. I've put so much work into this.. literally started August 25th last year...they will be available on Kofi as the chapters related to them are posted. They will only $1. You don't need these side stories for the main story just like in the game so please don't complain about me putting 4 of these behind a pay wall.

Info on the route itself: I will be staying this once I start posting it but through the story I will be calling him Salaì..but for a good part of it he goes by a different name. It shouldn't be confusing but he does have three names after all. Also I said his route isn't canon, meaning his route does not line up with his actual lore. In no way would Salai chose Mc over Leonardo, and I also don't put all of trauma of his in here bc its not really the focus, and like I said.. not even canon. BUT I AM WILLING TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS AT ANY GIVEN TIME. I also have @ask-salai where you can ask questions about it too if you would want HIM to answer and not me.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS READ AND INTERACT WITH THIS.

Not trying to be threatening... But if this doesn't do well... I'm not sure if I'll continue writing. This is a years worth of work. Reblogs really do mean a lot to me. I want feedback. I want to know what you guys think.

I still need to proof read it all and doubt check some things but I wanted to get the word out about what I was doing.

@chandeliermichel @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @fang-and-feather @namine-somebodies-nobody @evil-quartett @lokis-laugh @candied-boys @breadmercury @aquagirl1978 @xenokiryu @lulu-the-smol-floof @tako-cafe @floydsteeth @spoopy-fish-writes @weird-profiterole

[aintmyjewelry]

anti-dni time. please interact if: you enjoy oatmeal, you prefer going to movie theaters over streaming movies, you like black coffee, you think astrology is onto something, you buy way too many snacks at Costco or other wholesale stores, you actually hate grocery shopping, you enjoy history but like not that much, you used to watch mukbangs, you use the word girlboss in any context, you really want to like soup but something is holding you back, you enjoy walks alone, you make ur whole family listen to you rant about your current fixations, you go to disney world but not like yearly or anything, you like horror movies, always mean to read a certain book but then get distracted by another, used tiktok before 2020, have a favorite brand of instant coffee, get confused using food delivery apps, have a needy dog, uses or have used apple music, enjoy a little something sweet after dinner.

[heartofwritiing]

You Left

Paring: 10th!Doctor x Fem!reader

Summary: The Doctor left you on earth and one day while your walking you see the tardis on your street.

A/N: one day ill write somthing longer than 300 words or less but today is not that day lmao. Ive just been only in the mood for short fics recently and dont know what to do to drag fics out longer. and honestly you can imagine any doctor for this but i kinda wrote it as the doctor being the 10th but imagine it how u like! :)

Warning(s): my mistakes as usual, angst, mentions of abandonment.

“you’re married?”

“you left. what did you expect me to do?”

Silence hangs around you both and it’s deafening.

“i’m sorry, i never meant to leave you.”

“well than what did you mean to do?” you snap and he stiffens. “I waited months for you and then now you show up? and you expect me to drop everything to run away with you again?”

“I didn’t have a choice!” he pauses. “I didn’t want you to get hurt, I was gonna come back for you but things got complicated.”

“how complicated?”

He stares at you for a moment, he gose back to fiddling with the some switches on the console to avoid your eyes. You scoff under your breath and nod your head realizing what he meant and it was the one thing you were always afraid of.

“You found someone else, I get it, is that how it is for you? you just drop us somewhere and then you replace us?”

“No!”

“Then why!? why didn’t you come back for me?!”

Your both shouting now and your face is flushed with heat and tears are running down your cheeks. You didn’t want to fight with him, but you were so angry with him and you wanted answers.

“Because I wanted to give you a better life!”

Everything stopped instantly and you inhaled shakily. He looked away from you again and pressed random things on the console. You moved forward and walked over to him and placed your hand on his bicep and you tried to make eye contact. Your heart broke as you could tell he was holding back tears and trying to keep himself together.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles.

You shake your head.

“i’m sorry too.” you mumble.

“I just wanted you to have a better life than all of this, with me.”

“Im the one who gets to make that decision, no one else.”

you walk towards the Tardis doors and with a final look at your Doctor to see his head hanging low and his body slouched over.

“and i’m not married, i’m engaged.” and with that you turn and slammed the Tardis door closed and left. He looks up at the doors right where you just were and he quickly dashed for his coat and ran out the door. Running to you before it was too late.

~

[grapesodatozier]

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.