#ive been grinding for train parts

[triforce-of-mischief]

i should try to play spirit tracks again

[captainjamster]

Omg please do a pt 2 of daughter reader x price, it is a guilty pleasure😫😫😫

ive been cooking just for u anon!!! a continuation of this post <3<3

light dom/sub, incest, domesticity kink, breeding kink, daddy kink

Price normally comes home late, spending a night at the base before returning to you. It’s his favourite part of the routine – landing, settling into the godforsaken cot of his room, and sending you that text.

>> Daddy’s coming home.

He gives you time to prepare. You know exactly what’s expected of you; clean the house down, restock the fridge properly, finish his laundry and tidy yourself up. His clever little housekeeper, so well-trained. Normally you’d greet him on your knees, head down and palms up in servitude, until he pulls you off the floor and to whichever surface he wants to bend you over first.

But this time, Price doesn’t warn you.

The door doesn’t even creak as he cracks it open, pushing through the entryway into the dim loungeroom. It might be an unexpected visit, but John is pleased by what he sees regardless – the house is neat, the air fresh and still tinted with a scent of cleaner, accompanied by just a few piles of mess from the hobbies you keep yourself entertained with laying around. You’ve avoided most of the spanks John’s been itching to spread across those cheeks.

He saves time and avoids waking you up by shucking off just his boots, listening for your quiet snores between the dull thuds of soles meeting the ground. You don’t stir as the he climbs into the bed, taking care not to jostle you as the mattress dips under his weight. Artificial scent wafts from your still damp hair, filling his nose and spreading through his chest, and his mouth waters with the temptation to dive between your legs. But there’s plenty of time for that – first, he needs to give his cock what it’s missed so badly, and he’s sure you’ve missed it too.

John's thankful you’ve always been a heavy sleeper as he tugs down his pants just enough to pull his cock out, frotting up against the panties outlining your ass. There’s a pause in his sloppy grinding as you let out a sleepy groan, squirming back into him further as you seek out his comfort, and he decides he can’t wait a moment to give you what you need. Your panties are so easily pulled to the side, and when his head notches against and sinks into the sticky warmth he’s been dreaming of for the last six weeks, he finally feels whole again.

You wake with a start, instinctively squirming from his strong grip, and it makes his head fucking rush with just how tight your pussy clamps down around him in panic. There’s a struggle for a few seconds as the remnants of rest blind you in a sleepy panic, but John’s hushed reassurances against the crook of your neck have you relaxing back into his arms. He ignores your mumbled questions with shushes, fucking squeaks and whimpers between each syllable you fight to get out until it’s nothing but needy moans and gasps falling from your lips.

It takes so little to bring you to the edge, and he revels in the hiccupped confessions of how much you missed your Daddy as he forces that familiar fullness inside you, head tilted back with a hand around your throat to let Price kiss you whenever he wants. His spare hand traces a practiced path, skimming further and further down until his hand is nestled between your legs, rubbing and pinching the sensitive nub until his ministrations have you leaking slick with each purposeful thrust of his hips.

He keeps you like that until morning, stuffing back in each load until you’re overflowing, thighs saturated in a sticky white that he licks clean when he finally pulls out. But of course, it doesn’t end there – don’t be so silly, sweetheart. Daddy’s getting a shower and some food for the both of you, and then it’s right back to exactly where you belong.

headers and dividers by saradika-graphics

[angellayercake]

Smudge

Papa Emeritus IV x Reader | NSFW

Warnings: Eating pussy and being sweaty! I wrote this for @ghelullu a while back after being tortured with beautiful Copia drawings one too many times and I have been waiting for a hot day to post it and as today was one of the first actually warm days in the UK i decided it was finally time.

The heat is oppressive even now, laying on your bed in nothing but a damp towel. The insulating walls of the old abbey where you live are doing nothing to protect you from the weather, the old stones soaking up the heat of the day so even inside they are warm to the touch. Somewhere in the back of your clouded mind you think you had plans this evening but even after a chilled shower all you can bear to do is lay down and let your little fan push the stifling air over your sticky skin.

It's only when he knocks on your door you remember to expect him and even though you are unsure you can stand the addition of any more body heat in the room you can't turn him away. You call to him unable to muster the energy to move, the last of it stolen by the ever present butterflies dancing around your insides at the idea of his presence. The heat hangs around him like a cloud. Even he, the man raised in the scorching summers of southern Italy is affected, his grey roots darkened with sweat and his usually stark paints mixing in grey drips from his temples.

Tired and uncomfortable as he looks his eyes still alight when he notices your state of undress, his gaze roaming your flushed skin so intensely it almost feels like a caress. You give him a look in an attempt to quell the desire that is building but even under these conditions you feel yourself swept up in his lust. He begins to strip, peeling off the layers that make him Papa until he is just your Copia nude but for his melting paint.

His advances shouldn't be welcome right now, not when even the cool sheets find a way to stick to your skin but as you take in his heat touched body you find yourself craving him just as much. The curls across his chest dark and dampened clinging to his shape and the glowing flush of fresh perspiration. You should tell him to shower, it would be better for both of you but you lose your train of thought when he kneels at the foot of the bed.

He is conscious as he crawls over you, holding space and allowing the circulating air to come between you. You hold his gaze letting the spark of heat you may actually enjoy ignite as he closes the space between your lips. It’s odd, this maintained distance, if necessary; you struggle to ever remember an encounter where you weren’t pressed as close as your bodies would allow. And yet his distance now feels as intimate as your habitual closeness.

The press of his lips is slick and salty when he licks into your mouth and encourages you to do the same with a deep groan as your tongue slides against his. The heat of your mouth doesn’t content him for long though as he indulges the urge to taste every inch of you in lieu of his body flush against yours. His paints leave a map on your skin of his progress, smudged lip prints getting less distinct, the sharp black shapes to light grey smears in a gradient down your body. He settles between your legs, the only point of contact a firm hand gripping your thigh and his hot breath against your core.

Holding your breath is the only reasonable action in this moment waiting for him to take his first taste but just as you think he is about to close that distance his mouth finds your inner thigh. He grazes you with his teeth, worrying the already heat sensitive skin until you are writhing. Your fingers find his hair when you reach your limit no longer giving him the choice and when his tongue tentatively touches you you are lost.

It is lazy the way he works you over with the slow grind of the bridge of his nose, his attempts to taste every part of you with his dexterous tongue and his infuriating soft sucking pulling you further and further from reality into a sweltering haze of pleasure where only the two of you exist. You are caught in his half lidded eyes as lost in your bliss as you are. It’s hard to distinguish the heated air from the almost overwhelming heat building with your climax as they work together to scramble what little rational thought you have left. The lack of his touch makes you feel almost adrift so when a hand crawls its way up your body to massage your breast, palm rough against your hard nipple, it’s the grounding you need to let yourself go.

Your fingers tighten in his hair, an unconscious threat to keep him exactly where he is greedily swallowing down the fruits of his labours with a moan that vibrates through you. Your whole body resonates with your pulse and you try to remember how to breath again. He eases back on to his knees sensing your need for some space and giving you the opportunity to appreciate the debauchery written all over him. His chin and cheeks are entirely clear of his paints, both of your sweat and your slick wiping him clean. The lamp light catches in the beads of sweat decorating his body your visceral reaction to taste him taking you by surprise.

His cock lays thick against his thigh, the gathered precum making your mouth water but as much as you wish to tease him to hardness you suspect that he might have hit his limit for the day. Somehow you manage to kneel next to him, wanting so badly to pull him close and bury your face in his chest but already knowing you will regret it. He knows what you need, as he always does, sensing your need because he takes your hand and encourages you off the bed. Only when you are both steady on your feet does he pull you closer, gifting you the soft press of a kiss to the back of your hand.

‘Shower with me?’ His voice is rough but happy, his tired smile bleeding into his words and you realise these are the first thing he has said to you today. With your hand still in his he leads you back into your bathroom. In the mirror you take in the pleasant mess he has made of your body and the tired look of pride on his face as he regards you just the same. The air begins to chill as the cool spray fills the stall and reluctant as you both are to wash away the evidence the siren call of reprieve from the heat is too strong.

It is easier like this to stand the skin to skin contact you always crave with him. Allowing yourselves gradually closer as the water cools you in increments until you can stand to be in his arms and you can relax. Washing can come later, for now you enjoy being close, face pressed into his neck where the water hasn't managed to wash away the scent of him.

The time is short, or as long as your ancient water tank allows, but for now at least you can both relax.

[sentoooo]

[anon: could you do a nsfw alphabet for raiden??!!] i am also so sad about the lack of raiden stuff in general, like im mk1 he's just the sweetest!?!?! like he's so bbg. and in like every other game he's so fuckin hot, dont sleep on him cmoooon. i also apologize for this taking so long to post, ive been getting so distracted lately its kinda hard to focus fully on. anything. BUT IM MAKING UP FOR IT I SWEAR!!!!

cw: amab, nsfw, pretty vanilla tbh, proofread. MINORS DNI

ʀᴀɪᴅᴇɴ || ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴀʟᴘʜᴀʙᴇᴛ

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Raiden's aftercare routine is second to Tomas'. He loves you, and he refuses to skip aftercare. Doesn't matter how he is, or how tired you are. He's going to run a bath with all sorts of dried herbs and some Himalayan salt, he'll even hop in if you so wish. From there, he'll be hands on, or hands off. Whichever one you like. If you want some space, he's more than happy to give you some. He'll change the sheets, and get you some clean clothes. He'll also make a full on meal for you. But if you'd like him to stay near, he'll sit at the edge of the bath and just talk with you. About the sex, about you, about him, about anything, really. And after all that, he'll carry you to bed,- he refuses to let you walk- and lay down with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite also has to be his hands. He's very proud of his training, especially after becoming Earthrealm's champion. They're strong, and he also loves how they look on your body. He's gentle, always. He's also particularly proud of how soft they are, especially since he was a farmer and now fighting for Earthrealm's protection.

On you, his favorite body part is your chest. He likes how it displays your strength. Not to mention, he's simply drawn to your chest during intimacy. As much as he's Earthrealm's protector, he likes know that you can defend yourself and that you have your own strengths as well. He also enjoys your back, how defined it as, and the little noises you make when he runs his fingers down your spine.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Raiden prefers to cum outside, specifically on your lower back. He simply likes how it looks. He refuses to cum inside, he feels like it's almost undignified. Don't try to convince him to.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to be ridden by you until he sees stars. He's so sure you wouldn't mind it, but you are his first and he's rather apprehensive about sharing. It's the first thing he thinks of when he masturbates even, watching your body grind against him, in a desperate search of pleasure.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

You are his first. He had saved his body for someone he had felt comfortable and a real connection with. He enjoys learning about sex with you, especially when you take the lead. Of course, he gains more experience the more you two fuck, and he gets quite good at it. His focus is all on your pleasure, and always will be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

With his aforementioned secret, he loves cowboy. As much as he loves cumming on your back, he needs eye contact. It is very important to him. He likes to know he's treating you well, watching your face twist in pleasure. It also makes it easy to tell how well he's doing, since he makes sex all about you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Raiden is serious. Granted, he's shy, but he's fully serious about sex. It is something he had saved himself for, and he prefers if you are serious about it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's got a little body hair everywhere. Some arm hair, some chest hair, a delicious happy trail, and some pubic hair. He keeps himself trimmed, however.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Raiden is by far the most romantic. Like I said, he focuses on you during sex, and your pleasure. He does everything to keep the moment intimate, and he makes sure you feel beyond loved. He cherishes you, and as such, he makes you feel like the only boy in the world. You're his one and only love, you're his. He's going to make sure you know how much he loves you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He prefers not to masturbate when he has you. Even if you two haven't been able to enjoy each other for a while. Now, if he's absolutely yearning for you and you aren't available, he'll jack off then.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

His only kink is praise, really. He loves seeing your reaction when he calls you a 'good boy', listening to your soft moans as he throws all sorts of sweet words & praises your way. He also responds quite fondly to being praised, he likes to know how he's doing. Whenever you praise him, you can always feel a shiver of electricity run from his body to yours.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He always prefers his room. It's comfortable, private, and quiet. He's hesitant with sex, so he enjoys the environment of his own place. It's almost a sanctuary for both of you. He rests easy knowing no one is peering or listening in.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Initiative. Raiden is rather timid, so knowing your yearning and knowing you are okay with taking the initiative really sets the mood and gets him going. He particularly enjoys it when you trace his arms or his hands, and give him that sly smile.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything rough, he hates the thought of harming you, even for your pleasure. He cannot, physically, mentally, or emotionally. If you ask, it is an immediate no. He wants to make you feel good, not make your hurt.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He actually prefers receiving, he just finds it hard to ask. But he'll go down on you if you ask. Anything for you. He's actually really good at giving head, even more so as he continues to learn about all your body's tells and quirks. But if you go down on him, he'll be the loudest, most appreciative man.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Raiden's default is slow & sensual, and he'll only pick up the pace slightly. He takes his time with you, he likes the mood to be right and proper. Doesn't mean he can't make the time worth it though, he makes you cum like no other. As said beforehand, he catches on quickly to your body language. He knows every single sensitive spot on your body, where to touch to make you moan just right. He loves having you give in to his touch and lay against him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

It doesn't matter how long you two have been apart, he refuses to do quickies. He wants the moment to be perfect, to be right. He wants you to feel his love, and he cannot find a proper way to appreciate your body with quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

There is only one thing he wont mind trying, and that's using his powers. He's thought about it, more than once. But he is afraid of hurting you. Of course, he'd only use them on a smaller scale, shocking you just a little here and there. But anything else, he really can't do. If you ask him about using his powers in the bedroom, prepare for a full conversation about it. It is only until he has proper consent that he will try it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His stamina only increases as he spends more time with you. But he can only last for about 3 rounds, however, he puts his all into every. single. round.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Raiden doesn't see the appeal, to be honest. Perhaps if you ask nicely, he'll use any sort of stimulation toy on you. But why do that when he can use his powers? Creativity is a naughty thing, my friend.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He can't bring himself to tease you, not now, not ever. He hates it when you beg, actually. His whole goal is to satisfy you, and if he has you begging, then that means he's not doing his job right.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Raiden is loud. He's sensitive, he's comfortable, and you just make him feel so damn good. Sometimes it's hard for him to form words properly, that all you can hear is the very start of his praises melting into sweet, sweet moans and sounds of appreciation.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He really enjoys coming up with little names for you. And he always loves your reaction bed when he uses them. It's always something sweet, 'My light' is the most common one he'll use. Regrettably, he picked up 'Sweetheart' from Johnny, but the way he says it sounds so perfect. He does prefer using your name, especially during sex, because it just feels intimate.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Raiden's more of a shower, and he's around the average size. He's 5.7" in length when hard, and 1.7" across. He leans slightly towards the left & is slightly veiny.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive depends on you, really. He'll fuck you whenever you wish, as long as time permits it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Raiden's mind is an active one, so it takes him a while to fall asleep after you do. He isn't worried about his performance, no. He's just got a lot on his mind, and sometimes your naked body lingers in it for a bit too long.

[libraryofantiquitea]

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬. you and jake "hangman" seresin begin casually dating while he's training for a top secret mission at miramar. both of you are content on simply fooling around until he leaves, but the more time that you spend together, the more it becomes apparent that his departure will be difficult for you both.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. explicit, minors do not interact! warnings across all parts in the series include: dirty talk, face sitting, grinding, groping, hand jobs, oral sex (both f + m receiving), vaginal fingering, and unprotected p in v sex.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭. 14.9k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬. this series contains the first fic i ever wrote for the top gun fandom! special thanks to @wildbornsiren for the betas, for bringing me into the tgm fandom, and the rest of the creator coven for their support.

these fics are little more than a vessel for some smut with some plot that accidentally happened. the first three parts have already been completed, with the final two hopefully coming soon!

◊ - angst | △ - smut | ♡ - fluff

‟ pt. i | tell me my name △ ↳ you and jake go out for a drink after meeting at the hard deck the night before. you aren’t at the bar for long.

‟pt. ii | tokyo summer ◊△ ↳ you and jake go out on a second date. it ends as well as the first.

‟ pt. iii | whiskey mouth ◊△ ↳ jake visits you at the gallery where you work after he’s done training for the day. it becomes very apparent that you’ve both caught feelings.

‟ pt. iv | cassiopeia [coming soon] ‟ pt. v | letters from the sky [coming soon]

[linpunny]

Fever Dream

Hanma Shuji DC

A/N: It has been a long long time since ive written anything and actually posted it. Most of my content is fluff from Obey me! shall we date but ive always loved TR since it first aired. Ive been stuck with horrible writers block forever. BUT BOY DID HANMA HELP ME OUT OF IT. So please enjoy, i usually don't post any smut that i may or may not write or have saved in my drafts ! Reblogs over likes plz :3

Network: @enchantedforest-network

WC: 910

♡

TW/CW: DARK CONTENT: somnophilia, drugging, reader receiving while unconscious, unprotected sex, unconscious reader, non con, pussy slapping i guess but it only happens once, orgasm denial

established relationship, naive reader, penetrative sex, female reader with a kitty. No pronouns. 

PLEASE BE ADVISED THIS A DARK CONTENT /SMUT FIC!!! DNI MINORS 

“Shh…go back to sleep baby♡~” Hanma breathed hotly into the shell of your ear. Luckily for him you had been falling back to sleep so easily as of late-thanks to the special tea he gave to you each night. Laced with just enough sleeping pills to keep you lucid enough to think you were dreaming but strong enough to keep you from realizing just how naive you really were around him. 

You were now drifting to sleep, humming in response while Hanma smirked and gently placed a kiss on the back of your neck as he bullies the fat tip of his dick in between the warm folds of your pussy. The sin tattooed hand firmly digs into your hip holding you in place as he shutters burying his entire length inside you with ease. Your walls flutter tightly around him as he begins to shallowly thrust, setting an excruciatingly slow pace. Your body is well trained and immediately grinds down on him, your hips rolling to match his thrusts. 

“Dammit,....can’t get ‘nough of this pussy.”He groans into your neck, leaving small bruising kisses along your nape. 

Intoxicated was an understatement. Hanma was addicted to you. The shape of his dick was already molded into your pussy- no, his pussy and he loved how soft, sweet and wet you were for him. The best part was how easily he could control you at night while you dreamed. Your body is so pliable under his fingertips. For once he didn’t have to hold back or restrain himself unlike when you were awake. He wouldn’t dare to ever indulge his dark desires in fear of you leaving and realizing he was still the same rough street thug he was all those years back. 

He was already dangerously close to his release, and you whined in between the gentle breaths of sleep as his tip kissed the entrance of your cervix. “Shu-shu…ngh~”

You squirmed wildly, humping what you assumed to be a very life-like and very hard version of Hanma’s dick that you had only felt in your dreams. A slight sense of pain washed over your body as you felt something like a rough slap pulse through your clit, causing a pathetic moan to leave your parted lips. The overwhelming sense of pleasure quickly faded as another jolt of pain pinched and squeezed at your overly sensitive bud. You stirred slightly in your sleep, brows furrowed deeply, hands gripped tight to the covers as you begged aloud, voice cracking as you chanted his name over and over. Praying for Hanma to let you cum in between sleepy sobs. And like always your climax never came in these vivid dreams that you yearned for every night. 

Hanma wasn’t going to let you cum first like he always does. This wasn’t about your pleasure. It was about his. These late night sessions were about making you his personal cum dump.

‘Such an obedient slut’ He thought as he re-positioned you, rolling you onto your back. His golden eyes glowed with lust as he watched your breasts rise and fall as you whimpered in your sleep. He now hovered over you, hands on either side of your head caging you in between his large body as he dipped down to suck and nibble your plush lower lip. His lips worshiped you as he placed wet kisses along your jawline, down your neck and all over your chest. His punishment hand roughly cupped a breast squeezing just enough to hear you moan while his tongue licked over your perked nipples. Just the sight of you right now all laid out, body glowing from the sheen of your sweat, pussy slick from his cock was almost too much for him as he smiled with his eyes down at you. He truly loved this version of you. 

Hanma had done this enough to know that if he waited any longer you’d wake up and realize he was balls deep inside you without the condom that you nagged him to wear every single time you had conscious sex.  He hated not being able to fully feel how soft and wet you were for him. He needed to feel your pussy clenched so tightly around his cock as he edged you into submission. He just didn’t have the heart to tell you how badly he wanted to pump his cum into you.

He pried your legs open with his thigh, pushing your knees to your chest. He admired you for one last moment, dripping wet pussy on full display just for him. His cock leaked as he stroked himself, letting his predator-like gaze devour you before lining himself back up with your slit. He grunted as he bottomed out, thrusting repeatedly into the deepest part of you that he could. Your eager cervix easily accepted his thick bulbous tip as he painted your walls white, draining every last ounce of his thick milky cum into you. He pulls out and proudly smiles as he watches your gaping pussy dripping with his cum. 

Hanma really couldn’t let you know how rough he wanted to be with his sweet, caring, angel.  So instead he resorts to drugging his “pretty baby" and pumping you full of his cum, only to finger it out of you each morning before you awake. 

Not his proudest moment but Hanma couldn't stop. Why would he want to when your body keeps pulling him back every night for more?

© Linpunny 2023 All of the following works are fictional and belong to me. Please do not copy, edit, or steal any of my content. Do not advertise on any other social media.

[blackbackedjackal]

please try to sell me gw2. i really want to like it and ive tried a couple times over the years to get into it, but every time my experience is like: walk for 5 irl minutes -> talk to someone -> kill 20 things -> random world events -> kill 50 things -> go back and talk to the person. rinse and repeat

and then i uninstall the game

Hard to sell it to ya when it's free to play ;0

As a new/returning player I honestly recommend going in with some friends. It's a game were you can absolutely solo PvE with the right build, but I always have more fun playing with my friends for the shenanigans. I also, 100%, recommend plopping an OC in the game. My first characters were both in-game and all their lore is based around GW2, but putting June in there has been hella fun to see how she would handle being in Tyria.

Your first 80 levels are basically to help get you accustom to the game mechanics and the story. Though the story is optional, I recommend playing it so you get more of a feel of Tyria and the history. The story also leads you through the game an the map rather than just taking random quests as you explore. It's really the only mode that gives you a bit of direction in the game.

If you happen to get stuck or have any questions about the game, it's pretty safe to ask the map chat and usually people will help you out, especially in early maps. GW2 is a game that doesn't really teach you how to play, you learn as you go. There's also plenty of YT vids on how to get started and tutorials if you get stuck or suggestions of things to try out as you level. They've also updated the game fairly recently where you now have access to the Raptor mount without needing to have Path of Fire or doing the expansion, which is a HUGE quality of life change while you explore the early maps.

Once your toon hits level 80, that's when you unlock your mastery tracks that will allow you to do more of the endgame content and continue through the living story. Fractals, Raids, Dungeons, Strikes, World Bosses, Meta Trains, Gold Farming, PvP, WvW, FASHION WARS!!, There's a ton to do once you're set up, and again, lots of resources available to help you out (TaCO, GW2 Efficiency, Crafting Guides).

The world is unique. It feels lived in and ever expanding. The lore for all the playable races in the game is really interesting and they do a lot to subvert expectations from typical fantasy stories. Some things are a hit or miss for a lot of folks but there's so much to love about the game even my least favorite parts are like just mid to me compared to the parts I genuinely enjoy. My favorite expansion is Path of Fire + Season 4. The desert maps are my favorites followed by Maguma (begrudgingly). Cantha had grown on me a lot after a million Leviathan Farms for gold lol. THE SEASONAL EVENTS AHHH like again there's just so much to touch on but yeah the long and short of it is it IS a time sink at minimum to get to the more favored content, but even as a old player I still love making new toons and taking them through the early game content again just for fun.

But yeah, free to play, no subscriptions, all expansions are a one time purchase. You've got 10 years worth of content to explore and try out. It's a relatively inexpensive MMO (the expacs can be up to 50% off during certain yearly sales). An overall very helpful community. Any paid content is mostly cosmetics and convenience items, but nothing that gives you an advantage over other players. Basically everyone is grinding towards a similar end-goal, so you can always get the same gear as people through grinding. Nothing is really out of reach and people are always willing to help others out with multiplayer content.

I've been consistently playing for 8-9 years now. It's one of those game where I'm IN it for like a few months then may take a few months off until a holiday event I love is coming up and then I play for a few months again. It's probably the only other game I've sunk as much time into as Pokemon or Skyrim over the years (I jokingly call it Skyrim Online since ya'll won't catch me playing ESO). But yeah just, it's a game I never expected to play for this long and this consistently and it always feels fun to pick back up. Genuinely I do hope you give it another try. I've honestly had the most fun I've had in years with the wave of new and returning players jumping back into the game c:

[hummingbird-of-light]

Prompt: Hold On A Little Longer

(Second story for Angstember 2024 by @ivystoryweaver)

"Farie! When will the damn order be ready?"

When she heard the chef's loud voice, Nomira couldn't help but flinch. Her glasses almost slipped off her nose and with a quick flick of her wrist she pushed them back into place before she finished garnishing the next plate and quickly pushed it to the others.

"Ready, sir!"

Sweat trickled down Nomira's forehead. This workplace was simply awful. The boss was an unpleasant fellow who bullied his employees to no end. If she had known that she would end up in places like this, the young Tyriuk would never have embarked on this journey.

It had seemed like the opportunity of a lifetime. When Nomira had finally been employed in Miss Harkem's restaurant at the age of 16 and began her training as a master chef, she had been called a natural on her planet. Within two years, she had managed to work her way up in the kitchen and had become one of the best employees. But it wasn't enough for Nomira.

When she was offered the chance to go on a journey through the galaxy, shortly after her master's examination, to learn different cooking techniques on various planets and improve her skills even further, the young Nomira immediately accepted. She didn't just want to be as good as Miss Harkem. She wanted to be the best.

Part of her knew that it would have been enough. She could easily have been one of the best cooks on Tyriuk IV. But there was a deep hope in her that maybe – just maybe – she would find her brother on visits to different planets.

For several months after her brother's departure, Nomira had received messages from him. Messages in which he had tried to dissuade her from her dream. Messages in which he had tried to convince her of his ideas and ideals.

But she didn't want it. She didn't want to live a miserable life like him. She wanted to be rich and free and carefree. She wanted to give her parents everything they deserved. And for this very reason, she eventually broke off contact with Malui and decided to live her own life. And yet ... If only she could see him one more time ...

"Faster, you stupid weaklings! There are more orders!"

That voice. Nomira gritted her pointed teeth angrily.

She had worked in so many unpleasant places and experienced so many bad things, but the chef on Ragulo V was the pinnacle. A lanky, ugly guy with six arms who believed that no one was as good as him. No one could please him. He paid his staff poorly and fired good employees again and again.

Nomira would have loved to say something, to give him a piece of her mind, but she knew that would be the end of the program for her. And she wanted to see it through. For her family. And for herself. She wanted to be the best of the best.

Just a little longer. She just had to hold on a little longer. But that was easier said than done.

When the bastard of a chef turned to Nomira's sauce and tasted it, he immediately turned up his ugly snout and spit onto the ground.

"Ugh! That tastes awful! I thought you were good! I expect better!"

Pointed teeth rubbed together. If Nomira wasn't careful, she would suffer permanent damage from this constant grinding of teeth. She nodded silently, but continued with the garnishing of the plates assigned to her.

However, a hard blow with a spoon on her beautiful long fingers stopped her and she suppressed a pained noise.

"Then redo the sauce! My goodness, do I need to explain everything to you!"

Another nod. Nomira would follow the orders silently. Better jobs would follow. She was quite sure of that.

Shouting, beatings, insults – she would get through it all.

And one day, when she had her own restaurant and was the most famous Tyriuk woman on the entire planet, she would show everyone that no one had the right to treat her that way.

"Faster! Work, work, work!"

As the chef turned his back on Nomira, she couldn't help but tighten her grip on the knife which she picked up to cut a few herbs.

As soon as she owned her own restaurant, one species was quite sure to appear on the menu. Even it would only be for a day or two.

[v-bee-lilac]

it towers above into the bloodstained distance lightning in its jaw as it bares its teeth at another in the distance, crackling with wasted energy, legs groaning with effort as it writhes against scarlet bonds from the earth. a creature, trapped. a monolith, bound. a modern tower of babel, lights aglow like stars in the endless red of the sky.

the air crackles with caged lightning. wasted, but beautiful, like fireworks before the long night soaring into black before bursting in a gorey shower of sparks. the machine purrs under my hands, servos groaning at the minute sensation that still registers to sensors meant to track every last human on board, even on the back of a beast the size of a human to a fly, metal not even able to twitch at the touch of a fly it is kind enough to not swat.

and it could swat: every last inch of it is peppered with weaponry, a thousand sights could be trained on me before i could even realise. but it does not. it lets me rest my hand on a petty few centimeters of its flank, to feel the vibrations of its every movement through my own flesh.

i know this, deep as the marrow in my bones:

it lives.

and it wants.

war-ready metal does not pry apart easily, even with the assistance of hammer and screwdriver, but i am determined: skin will be pried away even no matter how much it takes. no security system is activated as i drive the head of the screwdriver beneath metal plating with a hammer; no turret comes to life with me in its sights as my hands peel away the skin one i have enough for a handhold.

it wants this. it want this as much as i want to do it, to be peeled apart, laid open beneath loving hands that will worship every bloodied piece like the frayed threads of god itself.

the skin is tossed aside, a shell outgrown as it clatters to the grating behind me, something to be - not forgotten, but honoured, remembered for what is was part of and preserved.

but what it preserved, what it hid: a rainbow of wires, live nerves liable to set every last fibre of my own alike with a misplaved touch. the rubbery, pumping hydraulics like the vessels of a heart the size of a room. deeper, deeper still, the warm metal muscles beneath, bound by hellish roots in the earth and yet still twitching, jumping, desperate to carve furrows into the ground and charge for its foe.

every inch of it is beautiful - no, just the tiny piece ive been allowed to see is a beauty greater than any mortal masterpiece. what is the mother and child to the tapestry beneath my fingers? what is the coming of aphrodite to the machine that looms above me, a towering monument to man's greatest war that carried the last refuges of humanity on its back as it walked almost-eternal in the sun?

a hydraulic tube pulses as the leg im standing on twitches, grinding motors above and below as it helplessly tries to force itself free. as if my possessed i reach out, one hand wrapping around the pulsing vein before me and squeezing ever so slightly - too little strength to constrict, but enough to feel the liquid move under my fingers. alive. blood, rushing through vessels as the machine vents hot air and howls fury at its fellow in the distance.

it lives. it lives.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

HI

ive been ever so sneakily updating the playlist on yt, mostly for lucio my beloathed and im here to share

BUT ALSO i went to look at lucios official playlist to check for repeats and was appalled to find that it was like half comprised of julian songs istg. im kidding of course its subjective but still the bidding?? THE fucking Bidding???? THE most julianest song ive ever heard and its on Morgassons playlist. i simply cannot even with this.

and so to start this off im giving the floor to julian with the entirety of Tally Halls The Bidding! *polite applause*

I've been sleeping in a cardboard box, Spending every dollar at the liquor shop/ (yeah this ones obvious) And even though I know I haven't got a lot I'll try to give you lovin' til the day you drop/ 🥺🥺(wait i just remembered mc technically has dropped one time already on his watch but i suppose hes learned his lesson bhjzdljzg)

I've been training like a Pavlov dog, Let my independence out to take a hike/(😩😩🙄🥵😤😤🥺come ON this is the most julian line ever) All you're gonna have to do is ring my bell/ (ok confession time i edited this line because this is the first time im actually reading it and im sorry but it looks so wrong who tf says Activate my Bell what in the hell) And I'll fetch you anything you like/ (in summary: heeeere subbysubbysubbysubby)

Going once, going twice, Every man here has a price/ (i highkey Love this one so much in relation to the game in general because boY DO THEY fucking EVER have a PRICE THEY GOT ME CRAWLING BACK EVERY DAY GRINDING FOR THESE DAMN COINS) Over where? Over there, sold To not a single lady in here

I've been here like a thousand times, Dated every woman in the atmosphere. I've been to every continent, Broken all the hearts in every hemisphere/ (mmm yaass we love a well travelled king. also yeah i can see that other bit being accurate, he is a catch) And if I'm not the type of guy you like to circumvent, Just remember not to love me when I disappear/ (yeah that sounds like him alright)

I graduated at the top/ (Mmmm we LOVE a medical degree king slay) I like to take advantage of the bourgeoisie/ (maybe not exactly how it happened i mean he worked for him for the most part but i count it as a lucio reference lmao) So if you have a fantasy of being a queen, Maybe you should blow a couple bucks on me/😏😏

Going once, going twice! Won't these gentlemen suffice?/ (*brain animatic director voice* pan over to the rest of the lads standing at their respective game show-y podium stands; a somewhat disgruntled asra, lucio preening for anybody paying attention, muriel's left already) Any here? Any there? Any motions anywhere? Going twice, going thrice, Guess this means we'll go four times a lady

I promise I'll be all you'll need, ever need You'll never have to shop around (don't shop around) And I'll give you all you'll ever need, ever need, Don't worry I will never let you down, let you down- Don't worry I will never let you down/ (admittedly this doesn't sounds exactly like something he'd say, the insecure avoidant wretch of a boy kjbdfkjadf maybe a bit later, god knows hes trying bless his little heart)

So many ladies are wanting for mates, And the prospects are good but the date's never great- Over here, over there, over where? Anywhere! They're too busy with winning the bidding to care! And he's sold!/ (*film director voice* the gavel bangs one last time, the doctor & mc pushed into each others embrace laugh together before going in for a kiss; curtains fall; brain animatic over, credits roll kbhsrjkdgh)

Alright lets get the lucio show on the road number one: Central Cee Retail Therapy which ive been obsessively listening to basically every day now for some reason but also im skipping like half the song literally only because i genuinely could not understand wtf hes talking about in there lmao

Fly uptown when I'm feelin' down I wanna do retail therapy/ (only kind of therapy i can imagine him pursuing) Been with the gang all week I need some female energy/ (ok tbh i dont remember how it went with him and nadia before they got together but this line just has me picturing him in his soldier mercenary days, back home from whatever job, done with boys nights, lookin to get bizzayyy) Sucked my soul, I lost my breath She got me breathin' heavy, Toxic relationship with my queen But me and the T got chemistry/ (ok im just now learning T means trap house but imma pretend i didnt see that gjhfhkgk)

Told her that I'm a Gemini Now she on Google checkin' the compatibility, She wanna see if I got the agility She wanna see if I got the ability/ (this bit may be silly but the first time i heard this while thinking about lucio i just instantly went "omg itd be funny if hes actually a gemini and it fits" and i checked, hes not, of course hes capricorn lol (but also wasnt there that one time when they gave him two birthdays on accident jgxgnvgs that just makes this even more in character bear w me) and after i learned that i just instantly reasoned that, at least to me, him lying about his star sign to get with nadia totally sounds like something he would do xD im not sure i can see him putting in the effort of actually researching which sign is compatible with nadia, but i mean hey he wants to bag a whole princess hes got a lot riding on this he might as well memorise some charts dgkhgj/ ok update i did in fact google the compatibility for cancer/gemini and its utter shit😂😭 she actually supposedly is more compatible with his actual sign but also, like. come on. look at them. if any relationship can be used to prove that thats all kinda bullshit or bad writing for a game about all this astral stuff? its probably them lmao

I went 'round three, she want round four- she killin' me, ADHD, my trigger finger fidgety

Walk in- Walk-in wardrobe look like the stockroom - Mum said I'm materialistic/ (literally canonically them fr shes such a hater bmvxhkhx) When you're the boss, that shit will cost, I'm buying my mumzy a crib for Christmas I'm livin' a movie, but it ain't scripted/ (oh honey if you knew how scripted your life is) God is my witness, get out my business, Back in the day I had one pair of trainers I wore that shit 'til it gave me blisters/ (also pretty canonically accurate sentiment i reckon with the living in a hardcore arctic hunter tribe situation n whatnot)

numba tew: Panic at The Disco's Emperors new clothes~ the music video for this one kinda fits the vibe for his storyline too a little bit at least aesthetically lol

Welcome to the end of eras, Ice has melted back to life - Done my time and served my sentence, Dress me up and watch me die - If it feels good, tastes good, It muuuust be mine~ Dynasty decapitated, You just might see a ghost tonight/ (kinda could describe his debut as a ghoast (ghost goat?)?)

And if you don't know now you know

I'm taking back the crown/ I'm all dressed up and naked/ (naked ghoast ass mf) I see what's mine and take it (Finders keepers, losers weepers) oooOOOh yeeeah, the crown/ So close I can taste it, I see what's mine and take it (Finders keepers, losers weepers)/ (yeah this bit speaks for itself i think, pretty biblically accurate lucio characterisation)

Sycophants on velvet sofas, Lavish mansions, vintage wine~ I am so much more than royal/ (i mean. mister I Deserve Everything. cmon) Snatch your chain and mace your eyes/ (man i dont know something something devil deal chains😭)

If it feels good, tastes good, It must be mine/ Heroes always get remembered/ But you know legends never die/ (yeeesss YYYEEEEESSSS UGH the auDACITY)

number 3: Nick Lutsko's Sometimes!

Swinging for the fences, Hanging from the moon, I cut my tongue on the rust of a silver spoon, I bet my billionth bottom dollar on a hopeless case-/ (i like those two lines for him being a nepo baby theyre so nice and evocative) And now the devil on my shoulder has a knife to my face/ (obvious allusion is obviousing)

Racing toward the mailbox With a letter in your hand But the postman's gone away, and you begin to understand- That you're no hero to this story, You're just another wretched pawn, Who bought his tickets to the sideshow And then slept through the alarm/ (UGH this song is just good i dont even have anything to say about that little blond bitch anymore htkjyufh no theres something in there i swear. about him taking on this bigger than life endeavour to acquire all this unimaginable power and dealing literal demons and barely even taking it seriously sometimes and not realising how played hes getting)

Sometimes the short end of the stick is the sharpest/ Sometimes the only road to take is the darkest/ Sometimes all you gotta say is "mommy make it go away"/ Sometimes the only way out is as a carcass💀

Sometimes you gotta finish what you shouldn't have started/ Sometimes you gotta shoot before you see the target/ Sometimes mommy's gonna say, "You're not worth the price to pay" Sometimes the tunnel only leads to darkness/ (this is where im cornered into admitting i only associate this song with lucio cause of the mommy issues. yippee)

im not saying anything but if you havent heard these songs before theyre reeeally fun to listen to and worth checking out i prommy👀 i enjoyed thinking through this so much im not great at Lucio so the details might be iffy i hope it made any sense thank you bye goonight🥰🥰

@tetsuoooooooooo HII!

Ugh I can't begin to say how much fun it was to read all of this, thank you!!! I always love how you unpack the lyrics for different characters ^.^

I've just added all of your suggestions to the playlist and I'll put them on the tag too. (Istg I will never be able to listen to The Bidding the same way again, you've effectively Julian'ed it for me XD)

Cheers friend!

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

A Wolf’s Heart | [Deglan x M!Reader] | The Witcher | Part V

Notes: This is part 5 of a request and the angst is still here yayyy but Deglan finally appears with his own POV :P

Fandom: The Witcher

Warnings: Mentions of Blood, Swearing, Depression, Angst, Slight OOC, Non-Canon Story, Century Typical Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Spiraling, Injuries, Self-Concious Reader, Misunderstandings, My sad attempts at making the language sound old

Summary: Y/N made a promise. A promise he’s willing to keep, even though he is not yet over Deglan. But fate has to be a bitch and for the second time, he does not appear in Kaer Morhen in the winter. Deglan is furious...

Word Count: 5,483

Taglist: @thatsequoia

If you want to be tagged in my stories send me a pm with the fandom/character name! Or comment on the fic :)

Additional note: Birke is on March 20

Please note that The Witcher is supposed to be around the Middle-Age. Homophobia existed and is addressed in this story. If this makes you uncomfortable or triggers you please do not continue to read!

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part VI, Part VII

Masterlist

"He will probably arrive in a few days, I’m quite early after all. So, don’t worry, Deglan."

"I don’t know, maybe he is stuck in the snow. He will come, he promised. Let’s wait a bit longer."

"I-I don’t think he was acting. He seriously promised me, he is not the lying kind."

"... I apologize, I... I really don’t know..."

-

Fenri pulled Barmin aside in the passage before the Evening hall. The torches only lit the place poorly and he pulled the red-head under the shine of the flame. He worldlessly showed him a letter. Barmin read it and his face turned into a frown.

"So... he lied to us?" 

Fenri nodded, his teeth grinding in anger. He was certain that Y/N had lied to him. Straight to his face. 

The blond man had been a bit suspicious after they had parted in Kaedwen and he never received a letter until the next winter but life as a witcher was busy so he made excuses for the h/c haired man. And they had never really exchanged letters before so it didn’t seem that strange. 

But he had been wrong. He believed his rival with blind trust. 

He knew Y/N could be a coward. Just not such a big one. 

Barmin sighed next to him. 

"He is a bloody fool", barked Fenri and crumpled up the apology letter.

The other witcher looked at him and hummed, his eyes showed disappointment as well but he tried to hide it.

"He must be scared. It seems reasonable that he didn’t return this year as well. Did you not tell him that we would never view him differently because of his feelings?"

Fenri shook his head with a frown. 

"What does it matter? He wouldn’t have come regardless." 

Barmin leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. He knew that the blond witcher wasn't yet done with his tirade, so he got comfortable.

"I understand him. I really do! After that fucking... After we had to watch that pair of lovers get strung up by the people who ate with them every day...  Their own damn family! - I understand why he is scared. But he promised. And after all those years of training together, I thought I knew one thing about Y/N for sure; that he’s not a liar. That he values promises."

Fenri paused and tried to relax the fists that he unconsciously formed during his words. He could still see the two men from all those years ago hanging before his eyes. The grotesque satisfaction in the eyes of their family members. The absolute horror on Y/N's face... 

He had witnessed that moment in his youth but that moment still followed him into his dreams even now. How much worse it had to be for his rival... 

"You know, I would have helped him with Deglan. I had this intricate plan for how I would aid him, how I would make sure he would finally see what-”, he sighed, “You remember Hannes, yes?"

Barmin nodded, his friend had recounted to him how he met a bard in Vergen who also knew Y/N. 

That whole encounter was embarrassing for Fenri because he had shown the bard his ugly side. 

He was drunk in a tavern when the other man started a conversation and told him about another witcher he met in Aedirn, Y/N. They quickly realized that they knew the same person and after a lot of ale, Fenri spilt the thoughts that had been plaguing him since his rival stayed away from Kaer Morhen during their first winter. 

Hannes listened patiently and then lectured him about the common folk and their attitude towards anything unusual. He told him many stories about people like him - he actually expressed his interest in men openly to Fenri’s utter surprise - and the blonde learned that Y/N's "avoid or die" stance was sadly a fairly good instinct. 

So he did understand his friend and sympathised with him. But the fact that Y/N broke his promise hurt him anyway. He wanted to spar with the fool, he wanted to boast about his hunts, spend time with him and the others like the good old days and also reminisce about Cole. He missed the fucker, okay. He was family.

But now he had to wonder if the h/c haired witcher would appear in Kaer Morhen ever again. It had to be his fault. After all, Y/N never said he forgave him and accepted his apology.

"Hannes believes that Y/N has already given up hope. That he resigned himself to be alone forever. And I don’t blame him for that. As witchers, we don’tt have it easy with love and most of us don’t even consider it, but we have places we can go to for relief. He doesn’t. Or at least not that I know of... But that isn’t what I am trying to say", he groaned in frustration and turned his head left and right to check the passage. 

After listening intently for a second he said: 

"If only he knew what Deglan feels for him. It’s so fucking obvious! I am telling you, those bastards are mutually in love. I bet all my belongings! If Y/N would just get his head out of his arse and come here..." 

Barmin watched the light of the torches dance on the stone wall with a pensive expression. He was uncertain about the letter Fenri showed him. He couldn’t imagine that Y/N outright lied to Fenri’s face. That just wasn’t their friend. He watched the blond witcher rant and crossed his arms before his chest.

"Quite funny that you are so noisy about their relationship. Considering the words you said to us all those years ago."

Fenri scratched his neck awkwardly. 

"I asked for forgiveness, you know that", he mumbled and his friend placatingly patted his shoulder. 

"I know. I merely want you to remember not to meddle in other people's affairs."

His eyes wandered to the dark end of the passage, where the corridor split into two parts.

Fenri only grinned apologetically.

The next day during a sparring match, he received a bloody nose. Groaning he tilted his head back while sitting in the dirt. He heard Barmin snort behind him.

"Mind your own business, boy", Deglan spat before walking out of the courtyard.

The blond witcher held his bloody nose and took the hand of his friend who helped him up. Barmin patted his shoulder.

"I told you", he said with a grin.

Fenri rolled his eyes.

"He had already heard everything by then."

The red-head only laughed and he sighed. Hopefully Deglan would do something now. He had big hopes that his mentor would bring their unruly friend back. If the older witcher couldn’t do it... 

There would be no hope at all.

-

"You need to calm down."

"Oh, shut your old mouth, Rennes! I am calm!" Deglan growled as he paced in the wolf school leader's room. 

He wanted to leave Kaer Morhen right now and go beat someone up. Someone with h/c hair and a lot of scars in his face. 

He would punch that someone real good and then he would drag him back to the school's keep. Where he would beat him some more, to get his point across. 

And after that, he would confess his love, kiss him breathless and then fuck the shit out of him. Preferably in that order. 

The fact that he couldn't do any of that, therefore, made him considerably angry. 

"Well, then you can fuck off and be calm in your own goddamn room, my attention is needed by those documents." 

Rennes massaged the bridge of his nose while he sat at his desk which was covered with papers and books of all sizes. Deglan was about to open his mouth and argue but Rennes interrupted him: 

"And I told you, you are not to leave these castle walls before spring arrives. You got punched too much in the head if you think I will let you go out there for merely one witcher." 

"He is not just any witcher-" Deglan started, but he got interrupted once more:

"He is Y/N, the best of the bunch you trained, I know. All the more reason to not let you storm off like a bloody fool. What do you even try to achieve? He probably arrived too late at the mountain range and got snowed in. Fenri himself said he was on his way here." 

Deglan had to physically restrict himself to not break Rennes' nose too. That was the thing, Y/N never planned to come home. 

And now that he knew why he could not sit still anymore. His patience had been running thin for years and when Fenri told him that the h/c haired witcher was finally returning to Kaer Morhen this winter, his blood began to boil in excitement. 

Excitement, because he had been waiting for two years now to finally clear up the misunderstanding that had driven them apart. 

Whenever he thought about that moment he needed to restrain himself from wanting to murder Olav - the witcher who was the cause of the misunderstanding. 

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. 

"When winter is over, I want to go out on the Path."

Rennes looked up from the letter he was reading and frowned.

"To go look for him? Deglan, what the fuck is the matter with you and that boy?"

"He’s not a boy anymore."

The older witcher dismissively waved his hand. 

"You can’t leave right away, you know the rules. You have not yet done all the training months from last year." 

Deglan gnashed his teeth in annoyance. Despite his anger, he gave in.

"Okay, but I will leave after Birke."

It was okay. He had been patient for such a long time. He could be patient for a bit longer. Just a bit. 

After Rennes finally gave his approval, not without scrutinizing him first, he left his room. 

It was already late afternoon but he was not in the mood to eat anything. So he went to his own quarters and lay on his bed, staring at the stone ceiling with crossed arms behind his head. 

Birke was still a few months away and the uncertainty about Y/N's fate was heavily weighing on his mind. 

Fenri believed that Y/N was staying away willingly and Deglan knew that it was very likely - he understood the younger man's way of thinking well - but he could not stop himself from worrying about his safety anyway. 

Y/N's character had never allowed him to back away from any fight much less one with a monster, at least not that he was aware of. Deglan wondered if he ever took his words from before to heart. The lack of knowledge tortured him. 

He wanted to see the h/c haired man. He wanted to grab him and shake him violently by the shoulders, to tell him that he was a bloody bastard. How dare he make him wait so long and break his promise?!

Deglan knew about the younger man's feelings for him for a long time. 

At first, he thought those feelings were simply admiration - every witcher had a mentor they looked up to - but when Y/N’s glances lingered longer in the following years, when his body turned rigid as soon as Deglan got a bit too close and his ears turned a deep shade of red, he understood. 

He remembered how Cole had told him about Fenri's comments all these years ago and how he had noticed the stares Y/n had given another witcher.

And then it hit him.

Never in a million lifetimes had he thought that someone would look at him like that again. As if their breath got taken away whenever Deglan looked at them. As if he was the most important person in their life.

He was not one to brag, but when he had been younger he turned a lot of heads. Not that many approached him, his witcher eyes and prominent scars deterred even the bravest among them. But he had been quite popular. Back then.

That changed though. His best years were most likely behind him, his beard and hair already had streaks of grey, and he never thought he would be someone's object of affection again. Especially not his student’s.

It came as a surprise. 

And Deglan had told himself at first to ignore it. Y/N would change his mind soon enough. He did not want to imagine anything, he was much older than the other and Y/N was still fairly young when his feelings bloomed and with a few more years he would forget. 

But he never did. 

The h/c haired youth turned into a formidable man with muscles at the right places, scars littering his lean body and the yellow eyes of a witcher full of courage and a sense of duty. 

And the look in his eyes never changed when he watched Deglan. The older witcher, therefore, could not stop his heart from wavering when the man reached the end of his training. 

After all, he had felt a certain connection to the other since he was just a brat.

The fact that Y/N appeared to also like the same sex had been reason enough for him back then to take him under his wings. Deglan knew well enough what could happen when that kind of preference got known and he saw his younger self in him, so he decided to watch over the boy in secret. 

He made sure that any kind of foul talk would be met with punishments, he tried to shelter him from any abuse and he thought he did it fairly well. 

But he noticed that Fenri's and Y/N's rivalry took a turn for the worse and then the two boys were sent on a hunt to the closest village by Rennes.  

The rascals' expressions when they returned had been strange. Both of them had departed with an exciting air around them but that was nowhere to be found when Deglan welcomed them back. Y/N's eyes appeared empty, his expression haunted. Something had definitely happened. Something bad. 

So, when Fenri was surprisingly meek the following days, he had asked the witcher who took them down the mountain what had occurred during their days away. 

He told him that they witnessed the hanging of some sinners during the last day.

Deglan counted two and two together and it broke his heart. 

He began to notice how Y/N became careful with touch, that he never let his hands linger on the shoulder of his friends. The youth looked lost and Deglan scolded himself that he was unable to protect Y/N from witnessing that awful moment. 

Once, he had been that boy - to be fair, he had been much older - but he had a close confidant who knew about his preferences, he had had support. 

Deglan remembered his late friend and he felt a sting in his heart.

Although Y/n appeared to have found good friends in Cole, Barmin and the others, he was most likely scared. Scared that if he showed his true feelings his fate would be the same.

And so Deglan had decided to become a confidant for the boy. He would try to be a better mentor. Someone Y/N could trust.

This decision had led to the improvement of their relationship and suddenly Y/N's eyes were stuck on him like a tick.

The boy grew into a handsome young man and his small hands turned as big as Deglan’s. Suddenly they were almost the same height and the skin around his chin scars grew hair. 

It did not help Deglan that the younger witcher had many attributes that he found attractive.

So, he was suddenly more conscious of the yellow eyes following him and the other’s movements when they tackled each other in their never ending training fights. Y/N's gaze sometimes burned like molten iron and during late nights when he was dazed from too much alcohol, Deglan's hands itched to just slam the younger man against a wall and kiss him. 

But he tried to ignore these thoughts. 

He really tried, he did not want to let his loneliness cloud his judgement, he did not want to take advantage of Y/N's feelings and so he held himself back. He was an old man after all, compared to the h/c haired witcher. He really tried to stop the growing emotions in his chest.

Until Rennes told him that his group of disciples would finally go out on the Path. 

Spring was only weeks away and Deglan was suddenly confronted with the fact that Y/N would soon only rarely appear in his life. If he did not die out on the Path. Which he did not really believe would happen, the young h/c haired witcher was the best among the ones he trained but still- 

He could not stop himself from worrying. Nightmares about finding Y/N's dead body out in the mountains began to torment his sleep. And his resolve wavered.

The prospect of seeing the man only once or twice a year for a few weeks upset him. He knew that witchers usually grew apart like this, especially if they were “only” mentor and apprentice. He did not want that. He did not want to see Y/N change and become a stranger in his eyes. 

Deep down he knew that he wanted to witness every little change, every new scar, every new freckle and wrinkle. 

He wanted to spend every minute, every second of the respite a witcher had in winter with the other man.

And then he remembered his past. His own sad attempts at finding love. He had pined for someone before, he yearned with the patience of thousand men and waited until that person finally realized his feelings. 

It took a long time but they were reciprocated. They had spent two years together and he would sneak out of Kaer Morhen every week to see the man at the foot of the mountain. 

He had been younger back then and believed he had all the time in the world to spend it with the one he liked. But then his lover died in an accident. And Deglan finally realized that life was fragile and as a witcher his was maybe better spent killing monsters and making coins.  

At least that was what he thought until that dumb fool with h/c hair and heart-eyes sprouted from a lad into a charming man and pinned him to the ground in one of their last fights before the end of his student’s training.

Y/N laughed heartily, he was out of breath and Deglan could feel it from the slightly vibrating blade that touched his throat. Under the sun the h/c haired man looked mesmerizing and Y/N being on top of him ignited something in his heart.

He studied his face, the pale scars on his cheeks, his sharp jaw which showed even more signs of a growing beard, the bridge of his nose that was like no other, his adam’s apple where a drop of sweat was running down and after he looked up after the few seconds that had passed, Y/N’s pupils had become fully blown and the air between them shifted.

He gulped and before his student could say anything, he pushed Y/N’s blade away and slowly sat upright, giving the other the chance to pull away from him. The younger witcher downcast his eyes when he moved away and Deglan could basically feel his insecurity.

“It’s my loss” he sighed and took Y/N’s hand to stand up. He held onto him for a bit longer and when he finally let go he had made a decision.

He would not wait anymore. 

He was done waiting and hoping something would change. He waited enough for the universe to change its mind, to tell him no, they were not meant to be, but now it was his turn and he would make sure that Y/N would become his better half. 

Yet, he didn’t immediately walz up to the other’s room and kiss him. No, he painfully decided to wait for the other to come find him. If he wanted to change his mind. It was one last chance for the other. But deep down Deglan knew, Y/N wouldn’t change his mind. He would come and confess. He was absolutely certain.

He knew that it would happen soon. He had noticed the looks of the younger witcher, he knew that Y/N wanted to tell him something as well. He could guess what it was. And that knowledge only stoked the burning desire in his chest further.

But then destiny had to be a massive twat and told him 'fuck you' straight to his face by making him go on a hunt a month before Y/N and his friends would leave on the Path. 

When Rennes had called him to his room that night he should have felt that something would happen. But he did not, he was too occupied with the idea of Y/N finally addressing the tension between them and maybe a little bit nervous about it too, not that he would tell anyone that. 

"I need you to go on a hunt." 

Rennes had not noticed his expression that night because it was too dark in the room but his face said something along the lines of 'are you fucking with me right now?' 

He did not want to go anywhere. He had been staying in Kaer Morhen for months more than the other witchers because it was his turn to train the younger generations - especially after he brought home that Vesemir boy - and now after he finally got his shit together and knew what he wanted, he had to leave for a hunt?! Why couldn’t any of the others go?! Why now?!

But Rennes did not allow any complaining and so he sent him on a particular job with two other witchers Finn and Olav - two younger ones who had gotten in trouble before because they were raging drunkards and he was supposed to supervise them to prove that they could get their shit together. 

Deglan was pissed. 

But it was alright. He could be patient for a few more days. That would also allow him to choose his words carefully and to restrain himself from just pouncing on Y/N when he saw the man. 

However, in the end, it wasn't alright. 

The nobles who ordered the hunt were a couple he knew. A sickly old man and a young lady who watched him with hot eyes. They had met once before when he was ordered to their castle to find the reason why their servants would disappear and show up dead. 

He was younger back then and the lady's eyes used to follow his every move even back then. 

He knew she was attracted to him since she begged him to protect her in her bed chambers. He had been a bigger fool in the past and did what she demanded because she was nobility and he was born piss-poor and the respect for the aristocracy wasn't yet beaten out of him by years of slaying monsters for sleazy whoresons. 

So he spent the night in her room and she basically dragged him to lay with her. He complied and sat on the bed while she tried to charm him but that was as far as he went. He used Axii on her and she spent the night in a confused daze while he worried about other things. 

That was all that really happened with that noblewoman but when Olav and Finn noticed the looks she gave him they tried to squeeze out any kind of gossip from him and when he told them the gist of what had occured in the past, their dirty minds formed their own opinions.

And it came around to bite him in the ass when they had returned to Kaer Morhen and Olav loudly declared that he was probably fucking that noblewoman.

That night the Evening hall was full of witchers and so he did not spot Y/N at first. 

He was casually playing with the fabric in the bag around his hip: On his way back they had encountered a merchant and instead of buying an intact shirt, he haggled with the man for some cloth as a present for Y/N, cerulean blue or whatever was the shade called by the fella. He felt like it would be meaningful to gift the other man something. 

That thought calmed his annoyance a bit but then Olav had to open his fucking mouth and mess up everything.

The comment made his heart skip a beat and he hoped that the object of his affection wasn’t there to hear it. But fate was a bitch and he picked up Barmin's worried voice in the bustling hall with his mutated hearing. 

He searched for him with his eyes and spotted Y/N right when he was leaving his table. 

His yellow eyes were glazed over and Deglan had a bad premonition. He called out to the h/c haired witcher but Y/N ignored him and left the hall in a hurry.

Deglan could count two and two together, especially when he saw Barmin stare at him from across the hall with scrutinizing eyes. 

He cursed loudly in his head and gave Olav a death stare before leaving the hall to look for the man who stole his heart, all while ignoring Rennes’ stupid commentary about his lack of interest in women. 

He needed to make things right, to tell Y/N it was a misunderstanding but the younger man was good at hiding and he did not find him in the end. 

The next day he tried to search for the other as well and the next, but that fucker seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to him because the witcher disappeared whenever he found him or flocked with other people to hide. 

Deglan did not want to approach him when he was with others because rumours spread faster in Kaer Morhen than in a group of washerwomen. And he had a feeling that if he wanted to separate Y/N from a group, the other would protest loudly. 

So he waited. Waited patiently for Y/N to calm down and act like a rational man for a goddamn second. 

And then he thought he finally had a chance to talk to the object of his desire.

One evening, he came across the h/c man in the courtyard. Deglan realized immediately that Y/N was drunk, but he expected him to be at least aware of his surroundings and actions, as witchers rarely experienced a truly drunk state but that apparently was not the case this time. 

The younger witcher leaned on him for support and buried his head against his throat. Deglan could feel his breath on his skin and the slightly agitated rhythm sent a jolt right through his body. 

He wanted to talk to him, he saw the opportunity to fix their misunderstanding, the change of their lives was in reach but-

Y/N had to throw up and he had to clean the witcher and carry him to his chambers. And once again fate told him to go fuck himself.

That night he left Y/N’s room and leaned on his door. He growled in frustration. 

“Tomorrow will bring another chance,” he told himself.

But another chance never came and then it was already time for the younger man and his friends to leave the keep for the Path. 

Deglan was furious and hurt and frantic and losing his mind from all that fucking waiting. 

But he would be patient. He was set on loving that man, on having a future with him. He would never let him go. Therefore he would be diligent some more and torture himself for three seasons. And then he would confess. Fuck Y/N, it was his turn. He would make things right.

The thoughts of Y/N by his side would be calming enough for him to endure spring, summer and autumn. Winter would bring relief with its cold days and Deglan could not wait for the snow to soothe his burning desire. 

That Friday morning, the sun illuminated Y/N's hair like a halo and Deglan clenched his fists to stop himself from just walking up to the fool and dragging him behind the stables. 

He did not want him to leave. His patience was especially wearing thin today and so he could not stop himself from walking up to the witcher right when Y/N wanted to mount his horse. The thought of the other just leaving, without a word to him, made him growl inwardly. 

He patted Lisica's flank, the chestnut-coloured mare he personally picked for Y/N all those years ago. 

The nostalgia made his eyes a little wet and he squinted them before he looked at the h/c haired man before him. 

"Are you leaving without saying goodbye to your mentor?", he said and tried to add a teasing tone when he saw the tension in Y/N's shoulders. The younger man avoided his eyes and stared at the ground, allowing Deglan to see his ears redden. 

Shit, he loved that bastard. He loved him so much that his knees weakened when he saw the shy reaction of the other man. That fool was in love with him, did he not see that he returned his feelings?! 

He really wanted to shake him by the shoulders. 

If Y/N could not see it, he would just straight up tell him. Next year. 

And he told him that with a determined tone. He would make sure that the h/c haired man got it. 

He could barely wait. He really wanted to cup Y/N's face in his hands and softly trace his scars before kissing all of them but that thought got interrupted by Rennes and he sighed. 

Three more seasons. He could endure that. He would. For the things that would come after. 

He petted Lisica again as a few very intimate scenes flashed before his mind. Oh yes, he would endure that torture. And then he would pay it back. Ten folds. A grin flashed on his lips and he nodded to himself, already imagining the ways he would get back at Y/N. 

He listened to the end of Rennes' speech and glanced at the younger witcher. 

If Y/N would not come back next winter... He dismissed the thought, that would not happen. That could not happen. Some of his nightmares flashed before his eyes and he bit his lip. 

No, he would be fine. 

Deglan took a step back as the other finally sat on his horse, but when Y/N appeared to just lead Lisica away, he ended up grabbing him by the wrist, stopping him. 

He needed a second to formulate his thoughts after he saw the alarmed expression of the other and an idea crossed his mind. 

He took out the expensive cerulean cloth from his bag, he had been carrying it around in the last few days like a treasure. He carefully tied it around the man’s wrist and told him to return safely because they had to talk.

You need to take care of yourself. If you die... 

“This is a promise that you return unharmed”, he softly said and his tone quivered.

His heart hurt and he allowed himself to trace Y/N's artery with his thumb, feeling his pulse. He was alive and well and he would be when he returned. 

Then he let go and patted Lisica's neck. She would take care of the dumbass, he knew it. 

She knew it as well as she whinnied and he sighed. 

His group of apprentices started moving and he waved at his former apprentices. He watched as they traversed the bridge and with every step of Lisica, Y/N moved away from his reach. 

Now he would have to wait. He bit his lip as frustration welled up in him. 

Why did he always have to wait?

Someone grabbed him by his shirt sleeve. It was Vesemir, the young boy he more or less brought with him after another hunt a few months ago. 

"How many of them will return?"

His eyes were dark as he watched Y/N's retreating back.

"All of them."

Then he left. Before he regretted his decision to allow the man he loved to leave.

He did end up regretting it. So much. 

Two whole fucking years.

He was about to go crazy. 

Birke, he thought. Six more weeks. Until then he would endure and after that... Y/N would have to prepare himself.

[iiota]

i find it very shocking that pokaymon fans are like 'if only devs had more time to fix the graphics and glitches the game would be one of the best' and that the game isnt busted to its core...(granted this would be solved by having more time)

sorry i have to elaborate or ill die bc i have quite a few qualms with it (long)

one looking at its selling point is that its open world + that you go to school thats why u have to wear that stupid outfit the whole time. The open world is..so bare there are no unique spawns like arceus and like 4 cool spots in the WHOLE MAP. its so easy to get lost bc its big just to gloat that its big, theres No landmarks and the map is very unhelpful orienting urself...also ur bike moves so slow and it Cannot move faster bc the game almost dies when ur boosting as is (and half of the time ive seen the climbing Does Not Work bc the mountain areas are terrible) not to mention in area 0 they take ur map and let u loose in this open world and its so hard to find anything..esp if u want the paradox pokemon u search for hours only to find out they have semi unique spawning points. also the legendaries are the coolest ive seen i will admit but theyre sooooo detached from the story which could be cool if the school wasnt so ass to be in b cthats where u learn about them. oh btw theres really only two things u can find on the whole ass map and its gimmighoul coins(bc u need 999 of them for a pokemon bc ofc u do) and random items/tms so if u dont want either of those things exploring just..wont be on ur radar its also impossible to know if ur getting a potion or a rare candy only tms are marked yellow which isnt Really a problem i actually like it but there are still like no rewards for exploring.

also the items u find almost render stores useless AND trainers are pretty hard to find u could consider them ur reward for exploring but again. the game puts little effort into making ur want to fight them bc all u get is an item for doing it in each area and u can just grind with the visible spawns that way And since theres no rubberbanding its like..what point is there once u beat the game to get all trainers in a lvl 20 area unless ur training up pokemon (but in that case ur probs just doing tera raids to get the rare items)

another qualm is that u go into like. 4 buildings the whole game. and the building insides are the best looking thing in the game besides the school main foyer..ugh. the town design to me felt very hollow bc its like..bc the gyms all look the same and are business-y a big part of the town lost its personality. also its very noticible that theyre trying to bounce off how cool the galar gym fighting was with the song and having a crown but it um Really ended up being pathetic its like the base part of pokemon games was an afterthought(actually it felt really obvious that everything in this game was super split up so instead of focusing on a coherent pokemon game it was section off into bits that strained the team) i have a lot of issues with how ur friends only exist within their storyline until the post game..there is no way to talk to arven unless u do one of his story quests. i think running into nemona just on the roads would have been fun or anyone that you can catch up with really! that or just have them at the school when ur back..

THE SCHOOL. GOOD LORD. the song that plays when ur in the town and school sucks so bad i cannot imagine listening to it longer than like 5 mins. now functionally i do think the idea of the classes having helpful tips for pokemon would be kinda cute esp for newbies but um. ok if a game is like omg u went to school and now u get to get WHEREVER U WANT freeroam are you gonna remember to come back to the school whenever u beat a gym(specifically i think gyms unlock more classes) are you. are you really. i think the only push to go back is one of the teachers being like 'try my class ^_^' yes i am completely convinced. the school itself is like. pathetically trying to be persona and giving u motivation to come back by having stuff locked by classes or telling ppl about ur adventures so u cant speedrun it(unless u decided to do school stuff last) literally could be so easily fixed by having to report back to someone In the quest to the school forcing u back so ppl r like well since im here ill take an art class. also dont lie about the classes if u say its a math class name it..something that its actually about (technically Math but its in relation to how pokemon deal damage)

also a lot of the gym leaders are um. boring. it doesnt help they lost a gym to customize and only get a challenge thats like a few mins of ur time. their designs are ok but only like rhyme, grusha, larry i can remember the names of LOL. i think rhyme, larry and maybe the art guy are the most compelling bc they have like. interactions with other characters. the elite 4 is pretty cool but i dont..really like that they had a kid. objectively its a little funny but im like oh god ppl are gonna be weird about that. um was extremely disappointing fighting them in a plain ass room. and u just fight geeta on the roof. ok at least xy had STAINED GLASS BITCHIN ROOMS. interview was fantastic tho. part of the questions were stupid bc it was grading u on something objective.

i do like the idea of getting to know the ppl around the school and encouraging the nurse to get a teaching degree again was cute..but it has little impact when half of the conversation is blacked out bc they dont want to show u explaining ur journey to here bfhdskjbkf. like no choice in the game matters is it that hard to have a couple of prompts of what to tell her. honestly i also think for classes itd be cooler if they happened randomly and you had a prompt to auto join them ie 'an art class is starting would you like to fly back to school?(Y)' also a good reason why a lot of the school stuff falls flat is everything in this game is in neat little categories that have no relation to each other its like im eating dinner and i dont want my peas to touch my mac n cheese. i dont mind that ur set up to fail some quest lines w not knowing where to go bc u Can ask for advice on where to go but also most of the playbase probably took advantage of do whatever u want but ALSO the progression makes no sense bc it wants you to go back and forth throughout the entire map...i do think pausing the gym fights to do team star and then do more gyms then do arvens stuff would have flowed a bit better..sometimes letting the player decide what to do is bad.

team star is probably my fav storyline bc it involves something other than ppl being focused on u so it stands out a lot also i do think it was cute for them all to have banded together from bullying. that being said the running around and throwing ur pokemon out to fight was . stupid as hell. just make it a gauntlet, maybe some double battles. that way the camps didnt have to be so ugly and Open. they have the best music tho

tera raids are objectively the most thought out and best looking but they need help for 5 or 6 star unless ur really good and its..so hard to do them online bc everything fills up so fast ive heard the game also gives u little indication of whether ur running towards a 3 star or a 5 unlike swsh. the more real timeish battle does uh. make ppl think the game is crashing bc some actions are forced/scripted but dont tell u so ur game is just frozen for x amount of time..

a more petty thing but the clothes suck ass and theres no little fun customize thing like the trading cards from swsh..u can just change the photo on ur trainer card...ok anyways this is already too long <3

wait i need to say i dont mind arven now but i think him suddenly losing his backbone when his ai parent said his parent actually loved him and being like omg woah really was. boring and stupid. he should have told them that he didnt believe them THEN after been like 'i am not sure if that ai was only telling me what i wanted to hear or if it was actually what (parent) believed but there is no way for me to know i can only move on and focus on whats really important. I am going to (enter job title here on something he wants to study for) and take care of someone who was really there for me (pans to mabosstiff). And also you! My friend thank you!'

rika rules tho. my only complaint about her is no mudsdale

[lite-aid]

im not on top of my grind im below it. i got sucked in and strung along like with a train or a treadmill in nightmares. ive been sequestered by my grind. i've not been circled back to, i'm part of the circle now, i'm in the vortex of my grind. i am the grind the grind is me, but we (i) couldn't be further apart. capiche?

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

Yes! This is me, except i wish it WAS second hand embarrassment that i felt. I feel more of an unearthly dread mixed with overwhelming cringe and disgust when im forced to see sex or romantic scenes in films. In real life, it’s the same.

Folks engaging in PDA gives me this feeling. One of me schoolmates got engaged years ago n offered me to stay at her place. She lives with the fiancé. I can’t, even if they don’t do anything, because I get this feeling. The longer I’m forced to feel this feeling, it quickly turns into a very bad panic attack. I had crushes grinding up, but even the idea of having a crush made me feel like this over time. I felt like I was a voyeur, and violating something I shouldn’t. It didn’t feel fun n exciting. It felt disgusting.

Ive had relationships in the past. I never felt the attraction I was supposed to. If I did, it was temporary. I’ve had to fake attraction. It felt disgusting. I felt like I was lying to them - and to meself. In a way, I was. I was looking for something, but it wasn’t so much about ‘the right msn’, as it was more about trying your understand who I was. I thought I was straight, but was always pickier. I wanted a partner who was mature, but also virgin, who had not seen porn, who hadn’t been exposed to certain social media, because of attention seekers who easily take advantage of others.

I liked older men. Or the concept thereof. I wasn’t really into younger lads, n the few I was around were only a few years younger. I didn’t like the idea of being a ‘cougar’. Vastly younger men are like dating ur son. (This goes for vastly younger women too, admittedly). That disturbs me greatly. The only reason why I liked older men, was because I was used to being patronised, not treated like I was a child, when secretly, I had to be very mature. I wanted to be treated maturely by someone. I wanted THAT to be validated. I wanted to not deal demeaned for once. Also, I’ve never been into partying, rap, n a lot of the stuff that younger folks r often into. I never felt I could relate to younger lads. That made them even more awkward n off putting. I was more looking for the attention n validation meself n finding out id looked in the wrong place. I was neglected and seen as an outcast growing up, so I wasn’t used to this stuff. I wanted to feel something and be acknowledged for something I rarely got. Instead, I got more pain. I was also raised in an era where sexuality wasn’t talked about as much.

I don’t mind the concept of sex, I can even read about it (although I prefer not to most of of the time.) I’m ok with gay male anime, and stuff written with gay blokes (I’m a woman. I’m the woman in me profile pic in fact). I make sex jokes, some sex jokes r funny, but I do get touchy with others. It depends. Things with other females especially effects me negatively, especially when they are showing their bits.

At first, I thought given up trying to have someone would be terrifying. What was terrifying was the cycle I’d put meself into. Once I finally mustered the strength to stop looking, it was still awkward for awhile. It was like pulling a tooth and having that gap - except it was emotional. I felt completely lost. In time though, I made sense of it. It began to feel better, and exploring bring me own validation has been wonderful. Drooling over fictional m trains and Kirby the vacuum have also been. They allow me to laugh n not take meself so seriously. I can also explore my feelings in a way that’s safe. They won’t hurt me. They’re not real. They’re also not portrayed as romantic. They’re a safe space. They’re a blank canvas, ready for me emotional masterpieces lol

To be fair, these reactions could be a combination of things.

1. Is my asexuality.

2. I was molested by an old lady in our neighbourhood who used to babysit me. I don’t remember all of it, but I do remember some disturbing parts. She used to pull me knickers down n watch me use the loo in a ballpark. The parts I don’t remember r her bathing me. It’s possible, n there was evidence that u came home with wet hair from a session with her. I’ve also been sexually abused by many of the blokes I trued to be with n verbally harassed by other females.

Let me be clear that although these things can overlap in terms of how they affect a person, they are two very different things.

To the last re blogger, n to all who blogged/faved this - thank you! I hope I’m helping you discover yourself. I hope I’m also helping those who may not understand so easily n think that we r making things up that this is very real.

For those who think asexuality isn’t real,

Why am I having NOT having something then? And if you think it’s for attention, why am I happy

NOT getting attention? Stop your ignorance, you make no sense.

“This person is not like me! They don’t like what I like, or what makes sense to me! They must be bullshitting!” You sound like ur doing straight people logic. Or lack thereof. Be BETTER.

Also, I did not create the flag image. I only did the bit in black. Please Google search to find more, and explore your identity further. I may try to edit this to include more in the future

[ireallylikehickorysticksyay]

just need to get something off my chest here. im sorry if im yucking on your yum but it truly is irksome.

an intrusive thought? is not a "bad thought" you think BECAUSE of a strong emotion

it is a "bad thought" that CAUSES a strong emotion

a guy on the train is being obnoxious so you have a snippet of fantasizing about giving him a piece of your mind or doing onto him as he's doing to others? "oh he's pissing me off i could just toss him out the window" that's just a petty thought, an emotional thought, perhaps an invasive one. an urge mayhaps.

your best friend who you adore is sitting on the bus and there is no tention between you, and you have a flash of "what would it sound like to toss them out the window" maybe you see or feel it happening even though you're sitting still? that causes you great stress? that is an intrusive thought

i adore cats but i can't pet them often or for very long because my brain is flooded with images of me dismembering them. sometimes i can feel the blood cool on my hands and turn tacky their claws digging into me, squirming, flailing to try and get away. i can hear their hypothetical screams, i can feel a burning tense energy building up as if my body is getting ready to do it. all while im petting them gently and im too scared to push them off my lap incase i accidentally throw them through the window or trample them to death in a self fuffilling prophecy, unfortunately, no i am not exaggerating. this horrifies me. obviously. it would cause anguish to anyone. it fucks with me so much so that i can't always eat, not even just an aversion to meat or fake meat or turning the stove on, or picking up a knife, but even straight up tomato sauce, sometimes im too exhausted or stressed to eat. because of that "what if i'd done it. what if i'd done it in my sleep. i would never know."

i lose sleep over the sheer concept of what if the intrusive thought wins. ive been locked in a hospital room because i was keen to die because of this. both from the fear of myself and the dread of what others might think if they'd known, if they'd think me a monster and be right as if their thoughts would prove to me i actually would do these things. i didnt like these thoughts of course but what if they did mean something about me? i get the urge to jump in front of oncoming traffic because of these thoughts, i can feel the wind be knocked out of me before the internal flash of my eyes. my bones crushing and puncturing my skin from the inside the failure of my bladder or bowels from the impact the scrapping of the pavement as i land the weight and grinding of the wheels going over me squishing blood from my minced entrails and this vivid imagination of such a demise may be intrusive for others but it is welcomed in the home that is my desolate mind. a brief heavenly hyperfixation to distract from what i otherwise cannot escape.

i get that sometimes you learn a new phrase or a new word and you're excited to use it, but part of learning words is learning their meaning. you eating the cookie from your friends hand and laughing about it is not "listening to the intrusive thought" it is not "the intrusive thought won" it's "my urge was followed through on" "my inner cookie monster won"

it's "im close enough to my friend that we can do weird annoying shit and laugh it off, if not immediately, then certainly later. thus me eating their cookie like a fucked up demonic seagul is the deepest sign of respect trust and love there is"

im sorry to yuck on peoples yum, no one who does or says this is a bad person nor do they deserve harassment, id hope that much would be obvious. it's just grating and maybe im a sensitive snowflake but my god is it a slap in the fucking face.

[gbaromspokemone]

Introduction

If you don’t want me to pour my heart out to you, you can go to the Features section, followed by the Documentation and Patch section. Pokémon has always been at the forefront of my hobbies. When I was younger, I loved creating teams for various Gym Managers, Elite Four members, and just about any trainer that could be described as a “boss fight”. I never really had the idea of making my own game until I played games like Pokemon Unbound (Skeli, Ghoul), Radical Red (Soupercell), and Inclement Emerald (Buffel Saft). These hacks are among the best Pokemon experiences for me. My fondness for these games stems from a few things in common: all games offer a wide variety of Pokémon to obtain, all games are based on a polished, modern combat engine, and – most importantly – they all offer a significant level of content Challenge, which also shows in their brilliant boss fights. The concept of “boss fights” has always appealed to me, and after playing these games I knew I wanted to make my own game as well. Given the massive amount of resources selflessly made available by this community (RHH, DizzyEgg, and PRET in particular), I set out to create a game that respects a few key principles:

Difficult but fair. On a scale of 1-10, with Vanilla being a 1 and Radical Red being a 10, I would say this game is a 6.

Alignment of the features with the modern parts of the series

Simplification of the gaming experience

Regarding point three, while I enjoy competitive battles, I’ve never really enjoyed worrying about EV training, maxing out IVs, or catching a Pokemon with the optimal nature. Likewise, I doubt the average player would enjoy grinding relentlessly for experience.

The Pokémon Emerald Horizons was designed to allow the player to quickly achieve what they want to do from a team building standpoint, while being held accountable through an increased level of difficulty. Although the game includes a significant number of new features, the main identity of the game is a difficulty hack.

To be honest, I wanted a Hoenn experience that I would be happy with. While the game mostly follows the vanilla Emerald storyline, there are also new trainers to fight and new things to do! With that in mind, I’m proud to share my Emerald Horizons difficulty hack with the community.