#ive been craving a cheese sandwich

[adderallbastard]

time to obsess over what im going to actually eat now hhhhhhhhhhhh

[clanoffelidae]

Cons to being suddenly sent into vyvanse withdrawal again: basically everything

Pros: my appetite, which I have been struggling with since starting adhd medication that resulted in me rapidly (nearly a pound a day) and uncontrollably losing weight and led to changes i don’t like in my diet (more processed sugar, doesn’t sit well on my stomach :/) in an effort to consume enough calories to stabilize, has returned with a VENGEANCE

[nobody7102]

Sorry you’re still recovering from the wisdom teeth removal ☹️ can I ask how the experience was?

Honestly supper good,

For people who don’t wanna know the details this is the end for you, for people (like myself) who want to know the details (to be prepared for whatever could happen with their go under the cut

So I am a person who would rather know everything that could go wrong/right so I can be prepared.

My personal experience so fair has been fine, I’m 6 days post op(I do count the day of the surgery) I have bruising on the left side of my jaw and I’m only in pain when I don’t take meds(alternating every 2-3 hours starts with ibuprofen then the next time Tylenol and so on so forth, also I’ve just been using over the counter stuff, I was given a prescription for pharmacy grade Tylenol and I filled it just in case but I haven’t used it)

FULL DISCLOSURE: I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed, three of them were impacted and one was partially exposed. But all of them were coming in sideways essentially(pushing up against my other teeth)

I went under general anesthesia, because I knew that if I was awake, I would freak the fuck out. I honestly don’t know how long I was under for because they did the general anesthesia through an IV. I remember them putting the spacers in and then I don’t remember anything after that after the surgery.

I 10/10 recommend general anesthesia.(and no I didn’t keep my teeth.)

Apparently my mom said we sat there for 20 minutes so they made sure I was OK, I remember the nurse sitting me up and helping me out of the chair and that’s it. Apparently I went the wrong way twice when the nurse was helping bring me out to my mom’s car and then I remember my mom helping me out of the car when we got to her house because you have to be monitored for six hours after at the very least, if you get general anesthesia.

But my mom essentially brought me over to the recliner chair and I passed out. I went in at 9 AM and the next lucid thing that I actually remember happening was around 12:40PM

When I woke up, my mouth was super sore, but I wasn’t bleeding a whole lot. I wasn’t super swollen, I took three days off of work after, and I also put ice on the sides of my jaw for 20-30 minutes every other hour for the first two days (now I only do it if my jaw feels super sore)

Day of I had yogurt, noodles(that were cooked off), and mashed potato. I have been going crazy with what I can and can not eat(I’ve been craving pickles) but overall I’ve just been doing soft foods.

The second day I did yogurt, jello, and udon(big soft chewy noodles, cooled down)

Day three was also pasta and lightly grilled cheese sandwiches(which panned me so much because I like them crispy)

Day four I started doing soft normal foods, chicken tenders (being very careful about the breading), biscuits or scones for my EU babes(but nothing super dry and crumbly), and zippy poppers(if you have a Newts then you know but it’s kind of like a better deep fried mash potato ball)

Now I’m so sick of soft foods, I have started eating normal foods. I’ve had hot pockets, grilled cheese, BLT, fruit. But I am mindful I guess of how hard/crunchy/gritty/acidic/spicy some things are.

So fair no dry socket

[knifeforkspooncup]

bro ive been adhding the entire day and i forgor if i asked the asks i was gonna ask so i guess i'll just do it again lol if i already did, just ignore this. anyway:

ox rib, goats, Alpha Centauri, ball

Welcome to the club I literally did my first productive thing of the day after being froze all day and it is currently almost 9pm here. Also buddy I can't remember if you asked me already anyways so here we go (possibly again?) (Cue ABBA background music)

Ox rib - if you were a type of food what would you be?

I'd either be like, roasted vegetables or a grilled cheese sandwich. Idk why. Maybe I'm just craving those things lmao. If anyone wants to chime in and personality analyze what being a grilled cheese sandwich says about me, be my guest.

Goats - if goats could speak, should they be able to vote? Why or why not?

Imo goats should be able to vote just as they are. At least then maybe the absolute barnyard of a political system in my country would make a little more sense. Plus I think it's high time clothing was made more edible and I think goats have a lot of thoughts about that.

Alpha Centauri - where do you run off to when it feels like the end of the world?

My mind. Which is cruelly ironic because usually it's my mind that's making it feel like the end of the world. It's a codependent relationship.

But seriously my imagination, my daydreams, or more often these days distraction like my silly little favorite shows or fanfiction. Where's that poem about not mocking the bright colours of the life preserver?

Ball - what's something that's great in fantasy but disappointing in reality?

Everything lmao. OK partly joking but really a huge aspect of my experience is the real world not living up to my internal world. It's why sometimes fixations on fictional stories are simultaneously The Best and also deeply existential dread inducing for me.

A more normal answer is most careers lmao. I have an on paper certified Cool Job and it really is just. Meh.

[cheapcheapfaker]

all i have been craving are the foods of my childhood but a lot of those are very difficult to acquire at this point. for example, as an after school snack one of my favorite things to eat were these twice baked mashed potato boats in these little blue paper sleeve cups. you got 2 in one package at the dollar store from the frozen section and the cheese ones were my favorite. but ive gone to all the dollar stores and even that cursed dollar general where most things are not a dollar and god even the dollar store is a dollar twenty-five nowadays and they’re nowhere to be found. I want buttered noodles but specifically the leftover dollar store egg noodles from last nights dinner sprayed with gobs of ‘i can’t believe its not butter’ and doctored up with the Italian spices, red pepper flakes and parm packets from the local pizza place and i wanna watch is spin slowly in the microwave in a red-tinged tupperware. I want a Celeste pizza on a metal round disc which i can still find but they got rid of the metal disc so the crust isn’t the same and instead of sixty-four cents they’re like, fuckin two bucks for the tiniest pizza in the world, and I ain’t payin that. I want a Wawa breakfast sandwich which i can get but would it be the same if it’s not the ones bought by my grandfather, who used to get up early to grab the paper and drive over in the crown vic to clear out the entire Wawa hot sandwich section by getting five hash browns and at least one of every type of sandwich like some sort of south jersey noah’s ark, even though only three people were eating? he’s gone now and I’m no longer eleven, twelve, thirteen waking up at ten am to “good morning, morning glory,” with the comics picked out and laid next to my plate and the shmorgasboard of pork roll and sausage and scrapple sandwiches. they don’t even have the small wawas anymore. i just made a bowl of cereal today. i’m still hungry.

[rollypoliesonarock]

I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday, and wow, you don't realize just how much you crave solid food until you can't eat it

I would kill to eat a sandwich right now, or pasta, or chips, or something that isn't soup or yogurt. I ate some Swiss cheese half an hour ago and it was a mistake that forced me to take more painkillers.

What's worse is Ive always needed to chew on stuff to stim. I've been obsessively chewing mint gum since the 5th grade, and chewed on pencils and my shirt sleeves before that. I NEED to chew something now or else, but I literally can't because of the whole chewing is painful and I shouldn't disturb the scabs yet thing.

Hopefully I can consume overcooked Mac and cheese tomorrow

[gasmeros]

Get to know you better tag thingy

tagged by @sulkybender !! thanks, im still startled by the reality that people can perceive me asgdjfk

Relationship Status: Happily single

Favorite Colors: Green, Blue, Brown

Three Favorite Foods: Fruits!!! Turkey sandwich!!! Bagel and cream cheese!!! (if you give me grocery store bagels, i will cry)

Song Stuck in My Head: Rondo Alla Turca/Piano Sonata no. 11 by Mozart

Last Song I Listened To: The Sims soundtrack: Buy Mode 3 (take a wild guess what ive been playing lately)

Last Thing I Googled: What the fuck is the name of that one classical song that goes "deleleleLE, deleleleLE" (believe it or not, that didn't help.)

Time: Evening

Dream Trip: I'm too much of a homebody to really dream of travel, but i would absolutely love to see Sue at the Chicago Field Museum of Natural History again. that's my baby! my long dead t rex baby :3 (also id love to see a giant sequoia in person someday)

Anything I Really Want Right Now: Fried chicken. i have been craving fried chicken for the past two days, and im suffering, and i know im going to be disappointed when i finally get some, cuz i don't want ANY fried chicken, i want fried chicken from this one fuckin shop in ireland across the whole ass atlantic ocean >:((((

anyway i don't tag people cuz im lame, but thank you for the tag!! :D

[soupforthebowl]

i havent been able to eat all day, hopefully something spawns in my kitchen to gorge myself upon 🤔

right now im craving.. a big egg sandwich, with bacon and lettuce and tomato. or the brisket grilled cheese ive had before... THAT was fucking Delicious.

[itscoldinwonderland]

For the last week the only foods Ive been craving are the veggie cheese sandwich from five guys and vegan pho

[onlyswan]

oh art :(

i saw your recent ask. Take as much time you need. i understand the audience's curiosity to want something new asap but some people forget that there are people behind these screens who spend time out of their precious day to sit and write, and yes it's passion but you have a life too in which you have to work to fill your stomach up!!

ive seen writers on here just leave because they get overwhelmed with the pressure to post their work timely. you're human remember that, everyone's internal clock is different and it's not easy to whip up and write something either. i just hope you don't get under the pressure, take care and be very healthy :)!

also i have a life update hehe. im 13 weeks preg now and the morning sickness has started to subside but I've started my cravings journey. see, i did have a phase for pineapple on pizza but now im literally eating fruits with bread??? like i made a sandwich today but instead of putting cucumbers and tomatoes i put in kiwi and mangoes with cheese and ate it like a madwoman 😭😭😭 also god i feel like eating my laundry detergent, ive been holding myself, telling myself - " ari, don't do it, you'll regret it " but time is ticking and im worried that i might just eat a spoonful of detergent anyday 🥴

hope that humoured you in someway atleast haha! take care art, i loveeee you and your art <3

- 🐽

i really am grateful for everyone’s support and interest and i’m always happy to write whenever i can !! 🥺 i guess the only thing i’m asking for in general is feedback on a latest drabble before you ask about the next. even a simple ‘i loved it!’ would make me smile. as a writer my goal is to invoke thoughts and feelings and it can be disheartening when it feels like i’m not reaching anyone, yk?

and thank you so much for looking out for me! 🫂 tbh in my very core i only do what i want to do so when i feel pressure they clash dramatically lmao but we’re gooood i’m dying to write but i’m just busy and i need to rest my brain </3

omg i’m so glad to hear that !! and your cravings surprisingly sound healthy so that’s good 🥹 BUT PLEASE PUT THE DETERGENT AWAYSHSHKDFJKGK you made me laugh thank you and i love you too 😭🫶🏼

[raeygina-george]

so many tag games lately lmao! tysm for the tag appreciate it 5ever <3

Three ships: uhhh. soul x maka x crona, killugon, and then heromari cause people with their names appeared in the dream i just had

First ship ever: idk what my actual first ship was but im going with lukanette, unfortunately........

Last song: just finished underwater prom queens symphonic metal cover, am now on incertus symphonic metal cover. i will never shut up about these

Last movie: uhhhhhhhhhh oh i watched the half of it recently! and ride the cyclone

Currently reading: just started the road by cormac mccarthy, just finished no longer human by dazai osamu & one by sarah crossan

Currently watching: SOUL EATER ive been watching nonstop for the past like 3 days. im actually going to finish this time guys im so close. im also making my father watch it but he's back at the very beginning

Currently consuming: nothing but im prob gonna eat breakfast after this and for that i might cook that really yummy grilled cheese sandwich that im Also never going to shut up about. or maybe yakisoba or something idk

Currently craving: nothing but now that im on the topic of soul eater i want to go watch it. anyways free space my last video game was hollow knight

tagging @lord-shitbox @mikiyu @bichikichi @sinister59 and anyone else who wants to pls do also so sorry if you're tired of being tagged for these i have 'needs to do tag games immediately' disorder

tysm @lazyrunawayphilosopher :) as always for the tag (sorry i’m so late) this was very fun!!

1. three ships: Hualian, Soukoku (+ Fyolai my dear aaah), Kavetham

2. first ship ever: ngl Johnlock but i stand by this

3. last song: My Love Mine All Mine (teaching myself this on piano atm)

4. last movie: genuinely cannot remember

5. currently reading: among other things! The Myth of Sisyphus (Camus), tgcf vol. 5 (queen MXTX), The Colossus and Other Poems (Plath)

6. currently watching: bsd (rip), jjk (rip), rewatching tgcf

7. currently consuming: nothing :( but the last thing i had was peanut m&ms when i woke up randomly (ty insomnia as always) at four in the morning (i was a hungry lad and it was a wonderful experience)

8. currently craving: sleep, video game night (Little Nightmares my love i miss you), strawberry + brown sugar + nutella crêpes (good god do i love those)

tagging: @irritable123 @againtodreaming @ghostsinacoat @vinylbiohazard and anyone else!!

[theghostwthemost]

tagged by @cronchycronchs  - thanks for the tag! kfjhsdf starting a new post bc. the other one was getting long lol

relationship status: single, not really looking for anything atm

song stuck in my head: everything is awful by the taxpayers fkjsdfb but also i want you by fefe dobson

favourite food: idk man but lately ive been really craving grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup...

last thing I googled: “father son motorcycle” 

time: 11:35pm at the moment

dream trip: not sure, lately I really want to go to an amusement park so anywhere where I could ride as many roller coasters as possible appeals

something i want: a better job lmfao kjfbdsfkdf gotta find something that doesnt want to make me pull my hair out atm

 hmm anyone who wants can jump in and do this.. but i’ll tag @come-sael-away , @ghostfolly and @alovelylonelygoodra if ya’ll feel like doing it - but obvs no pressure

[parvulous-writings]

An Idyllic Life is Nothing short of Splendid

Request:    Hey! May I ask for some Ethan x Vanessa (from Penny Dreadful,of course) fluff? Something involving their children,maybe?  For the Ethan x Vanessa request: I’d like the fic to be set in a modern au, but I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to keep the original victorian setting anyway! Besides this - and the children (or just one of them) being babies - nothing else. Thank you!

Submitted by: @ecasen

Genre: Modern!Penny Dreadful AU- Fluff

Warnings:  Brief mention of nursing (not too explicit), crying child.

Summary: Ethan Chandler and Vanessa Chandler (nee Ives) go on a small outing with their growing family. 

Words: 2.1k (2,152) Notes: I am so so sorry for how long this took, I have had a lot of work recently. I also apologise that this doesn’t really go anywhere. Don’t ask why the title is a little odd, I don’t know.    

Saturdays were the day that the entire Chandler household always looked forward to, no matter how slow, rough and teeth-grinding the rest of their week had been. It was Saturdays when Vanessa didn’t have to work, when she could spend a proper amount of bonding time with her steadily growing family, without the next week looming over all their heads like a menacing and treacherous beast, ready to devour their souls and morale.This particular Saturday was going to be a very pleasant one, Vanessa could just tell- she always could. Call it a mother’s intuition, or just plain intuition- but she could always tell whether a day was going to go well, or end in total and utter disaster. 

Ethan had woken up around half past seven in the morning on that particular Saturday. He had a plan, one he had been formulating for the last three days or so, a surprise for his darling Vanessa, his four year old girl Florence, and two month old Arabella. He valued his wife, and his children above all else- part of the reason he was the parent who stayed at home. He didn’t overly mind it,he enjoyed it actually, it was a nice life. Though, perhaps nice didn’t encapsulate all that he felt for his loved ones, idyllic, pure and perfect seemed to fit the bill much better.   Despite it being half past seven, a perfectly suitable time for his family to start their day, he still tip-toed around their home, carefully stepping over the few stray floorboards that creaked under any shadow of pressure.  

A single, full night of peaceful and undisturbed sleep was increasingly hard to come by in the Chandler family dwelling most Saturdays. Well, almost every day if anyone residing within was completely frank about the subject.So it didn’t weigh on Ethan’s conscience one bit that he was the only one up and about. He didn’t need as much sleep as the rest of his family unit, despite what Vanessa often tried to convince him. He knew that out of the pair of them, Vanessa was the one who needed much more rest- though she would never admit that to anyone, not even her darling husband. In the clear and bright beams of the morning light, Ethan set about completing his task- making a special tailored lunch for each member of his family. Well, as much of a lunch as he could, it was more for Florence and Vanessa if he was completely honest. The young and infantile Arabella was not yet of the age where she could properly savour great foods and homemade meals like the other three could. She would in time, he could just tell. Not in the same way Vanessa could, but he just knew.  He hoped that this- not grand, but certainly sweet, unique and special- gesture would just remind the three of them of Ethan’s profound and undying passion, love and admiration for them all. It was something he often said and told them about, yet he hardly ever managed to find the time to show them, to prove that the words he spoke were true, as true as their very existence.

Ethan started off with preparing Florence’s lunch. Cute little square sandwiches, varying between cheese and cucumber fillings, they were her favourite in the summer time, she could hardly get enough of them. He placed them gently into a little plastic tupperware container, being careful so that they didn’t fall to pieces. He put a bunch of grapes in there too, little Florence had developed a slight craving for them in past weeks.  He then moved on to make his wife’s sandwiches. He filled them with salad and cucumber again, something he knew he could keep cool, even in the summer’s heat on their outing. They were at least twice the size of Florence’s, naturally, and Ethan put them in their own little box before making himself his own sandwiches with sliced meat. Whatever the weather when it came to food, if meat was an option, Ethan would take it without any hesitaion, barely batting an eye at the other delectable options available to him.

It took him perhaps a quarter of an hour to fix up everything they needed and place them into two different canvas bags. One for himself, Vanessa and Florence, the other for baby Arabella, her feeding necessities and a couple of her toys which she had taken much fancy to.  It was then, when had finally had everything squared away and prepared for their little family adventure at noon, that he heard the little pitter patter of bare feet against the carpet in the hall. He turned to look over his shoulder, and was met with the brilliant emerald green hues of Florence’s curious orbs. The same bright green that her mother had. Ethan often spoke of how the young child had been blessed with her mother’s eyes, and though Vanessa often tried to play it off as a joke or some playful comment, Ethan meant it. He thought carefully when he spoke of his family, meaning each and every word that flowed from his tongue and unto the ears of whomever chose to listen to his love-induced ramblings.  When Ethan brought himself back to the present from his thoughts of admiration and closeness of his family, Florence was giving him a wide and beaming smile- one of the widest smiles he had ever seen on a child. He gave a gentle chuckle, turning round to face her fully. 

“And what are you doing up so early?” He questioned with a quirk of his brow, his tone playful and teasing, as it often was with both of his children. Florence just started to giggle at him, not yet answering his question. “It’s not early, dadad!” She announced to him, pointing up at the clock mounted on the kitchen wall. “See? The big hand’s on the nine, and the little hand is on the seven! It’s not early!” She repeated, seeming a lot firmer in her tone, as if she were protesting and defending her point. Ethan couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled past his lips, and he pretended to try and figure out what the clock’s face read. “Well, well, well... I think you may be right!” He exclaimed, turning to look at her once more. “What a clever and observant young lady you are!” He praised, replying to Florence’s toothy grin with one of his own. 

Florence responded to his compliment with a gentle little giggle, before squeezing past his form to get to one of the cupboards. Ethan just managed to stop her before she could get her tiny little hands on the breakable bowls that he and Vanessa used for a variety of things. “How about I help you with that?” He offered, knowing that she was trying to prepare her own breakfast. A cute little action, to be sure, but one that would most likely end in a mess that engulfed the entire kitchen. With a look of great reluctance, Florence took a small step back, allowing her paternal guardian to make her morning meal.  It didn’t take him all that long, and he moved with her through to the living room, sitting her down and placing a plate with jam on toast beside her. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head, before going to make himself some of his own breakfast. 

“Florence, darling, have you managed to get your shoes on the right feet?” Vanessa’s voice was sweet as she called through to the living room, conversing with her eldest child. Florence gave a loud hum in reply- indeed she had done, with some help from her father of course. Vanessa came through, baby Arabella strapped into the baby carrier around her shoulders. Ethan had already put the bags by the door, and was just making some last checks before they were to leave their home for the day.  “Well done, sweetheart,” Vanessa praised, kissing the top of her head gently as Ethan gathered the bags and pushed out the front door. Florence was hot on his trail, with Vanessa bringing  up the rear, closing  and locking the door behind them all. 

The walk didn’t take them all that far from their family home- Ethan didn’t exactly want to drive when he had planned the day, and he knew both Florence and Vanessa wouldn’t be able to walk for miles and miles, Vanessa being mostly too tired and Florence being too young- her legs too short to wander as far as her father could in the same amount of time. 

It took them about forty-five minutes to get to the secluded clearing in the small and idyllic woods behind their home- mostly because Florence kept getting distracted by brightly coloured flower blooms and lagging behind just a little bit. Neither Ethan or Vanessa minded though, so long as she didn’t get hurt, her curiosity was something they allowed her to satisfy, especially in this sort of scenario.  They soon found a nice little spot to have their lunch, nestled between a few tall and curving trees, on a patch of soft and inviting grass. The midday sun trickled through the canopy and down to the floor where they began to set up their picnic blanket in soft little rays- speckling their surroundings and their faces as they moved. Ethan started to unpack their food and snacks whilst Vanessa went to nurse a now fussing Arabella, with Florence attempting feebly to climb one of the many slender trees that surrounded them. Vanessa looked up from the babe latched to her chest to check on her eldest daughter, and worry briefly flashed across her visage, as Florence managed to get herself onto a precarious looking branch. For an older child, the height of the branch would be high enough for exhilaration, yet low enough that they wouldn’t get too hurt should they fall, but for Florence there was the exhilaration and the added danger of getting more seriously hurt. How she had even gotten up there was beyond Vanessa- the last time she had checked on her she could barely reach the branch with her slightly chubby hands, now she was sitting and barely balancing on the spindly limb. 

“Florence, be careful!” Vanessa chastised, an edge of panic to her voice. She would have gotten up, but with Arabella still suckling, she could not. Ethan, ever the attentive patriarch, immediately recognised the tone of his wife’s voice, and his head snapped up. He saw Florence with almost heart stopping clarity as she began to lose her balance, and he dropped the tupperware in his hands, taking off at a sprint towards his daughter, starting to slide as she finally lost her balance completely, falling backwards off of her makeshift seat and starting towards the ground. Time seemed to slow for both Ethan and Vanessa, as the former dived to try and catch his daughter before she hit the rocky dirt which had been beneath her. He just managed to, cradling her head in his palm as she landed with a jolt. She was unharmed, but she was still shocked. After a second or so to take in what had just occurred, she began to sniffle. A panting Ethan held her close, bringing her to his chest in a warm bear hug.  “You okay, sweetheart?” He asked her in a hushed voice. Florence began to nod, her hands grabbing at his flannel shirt as tears welled in her eyes. Though she had said she was fine- and she was thanks to her father- the floodgates had been opened, and she burst into tears, her wails muffled slightly by the fabric of her father’s attire. 

Ethan pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, slowly getting up from his knees and padding back over to the other half of the familial unit. He carefully sat down again, giving Vanessa a reassuring look to say that Florence was in actual fact perfectly fine, even if her tears of shock tried to convince her mother otherwise.  Ethan carefully reached over to Florence’s lunch, opening the box and taking out a handful of grapes as a sort of peace offering for the young girl in his lap. He held one up to her, and she shakily took it from him, eating it in one swift bite.  “There now...” Ethan cooed softly, rocking her back and forth ever so slightly in his gentle embrace. “Is that a little better?” He asked, to which he got a gentle nod as a reply. He hummed softly, showing that he saw she had replied, before looking to Vanessa with a soft smile. She returned the gesture, before starting to chuckle lightly. “Now that was an eventful start to this afternoon...” She mused, and Ethan joined in quite merrily with her laughter. 

[celandineitsaflowerdickward]

Tagged by @thesunandthestarss​, thanks Hay

Last song: im listening to a slowed version of getaway car - by taylor swift, been in a mood lately - basically only listening to slowed versions of taylors music - particullarly folklore

Last movie: i watched Hocus Pocus w @arsenicpanda​ and @grebyn​ last night - movie night with the bughead discourse - and omfg i LOVEE that movie! I had actually never watched it before last night! And ahh - truly delievers on all fronts, a fucking lovely 90s campy movie - also watching it together was really fun! truly glad i joined the bughead discourse man

Currently watching: uhh - am i watching anything??... huh i dont think so - i did recently finish the last season of Killing Eve, fell in love with the aestethic of the show and so some fucking A+ plus fanart, and you know mainly cause you know i had to watch for the gay shit 💁- and i am absolutely fucking gone for my murder couple 😍   

i have many thoughts on Killing Eve now - so if anyone would like to read me rambling just dm me lol - oh AND i of-fucking-course have art planned 😏

Currently reading: ah fuck - i do have 5 books rented from my library - but i have not had the time to read. I honestly also have ton of fics ive been saving that i wanna read first - cause you know 😌 priorites, and the fics def do be coming first. 

Currently craving: i just woke up and have had a cup of coffee - so breakfast - not really fancying anything in my fridge tho but alas - oh i might make a lil grilled cheese sandwich tho 👀 - some toasted rye bread and cheese with smoked paprika of course (my all time favorite spice) mmm 😋 

Tagging: @literatiruinedme @orangenfrottee @monicasposh 

[themaskedwriter]

Leave Me Weak

Clues

If you want to find me just look to the sky. I mainly write for Bucky but I’ve struck gold in other characters. 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU)

Word Count: 5045

Warnings: fluff, descriptions of blood donation (needles/blood)

Summary: Donating blood was the last thing you wanted to do but you find that something else leaves you weak.

You knew this was a mistake.

Pushing your way onto the street in the pitch black night you pass through a small crowd outside the nightclub, with clouds of smoke drying out your already tired eyes.

Even though you lived in “the city that never sleeps” it wasn’t a rule you followed. You were accustomed to a very strict sleeping schedule for work that would normally have you waking up at this time but Nakia’s bachelorette party was not something you could miss, even if you knew you’d be paying for it later.

Sometimes you missed weekends like this, where you could stay out until the sun rose in the sky, sobering up with greasy fries smothered in cheese and steaming cups of freshly brewed coffee.

Mmmm coffee. You need to have some as soon as possible, especially if you’re expected to be up for the next few hours preparing the baked goods for the crowds that filtered into the Excelsior Bakery.

You had been working there for a while before the owner Mr. Lee had asked if you were interested in taking over the business. Your passion for baking was evident and he was happy to sell to someone he trusted.

The transition from worker to owner was scary but you were lucky to have Stan stay on to help. To ensure your success he continued to come in weekly and hand paint his famous sugar cookies.

They were Excelsior’s signature hit, square shaped cookies covered in royal icing with Stan’s original characters intricately portrayed on them. You marveled at the detail he put into each cookie and loved hearing about the characters; each a superhero he made up for his children’s bedtime stories.

You rubbed the chill of the night from your bare arms as an Uber took you to work. Unlocking the side door you flipped the light on in the large kitchen. It was quiet for now though soon the additional baking staff would join you.

Entering your office you quickly swapped your champagne sequined tank top for a comfortable cotton Excelsior Bakery t-shirt and let your aching feet rest in a pair of casual slip-ons as you put your heels aside. Your dark jeans were normal enough to wear to work though after a long night of drinking and dancing you wished you had a pair of leggings instead.

As you were preparing the coffee you heard the side door open as the loud voices carried throughout the back of the bakery. In walked Scott, Clint and Vis, who were way too upbeat for this hour as they greeted you, hanging their coats on the wall.

“Mornin’ guys,” you replied, looking over your shoulder as you anxiously waited for the pot to finish brewing.

When the coffee was finished you couldn’t help but take the first large cup for yourself; your slightly buzzed and very exhausted body needed the caffeine immediately.

Leaning against the table you lifted the mug to your mouth and instantly the three men were stricken with laughter. After swallowing the delicious brew you quirked your head at the group, wondering what caused the sudden giggle outburst.

As you brought the cup down from your lips your fingers brushed against the culprit making your eyes widen in horror. Christine, a colleague of Nakia’s, had insisted everyone wear tacky penis necklaces, one you just realized you had forgotten to take off.

Vis’ grin peaked through the hands that covered his eyes, while Scott was keeled over laughing hysterically.

Clint wiped a tear from the corner of his eye as he proclaimed, “I’ll never let you live this one down, boss.”

Slamming the mug on the counter you quickly took the necklace off and shoved it in your pocket, opting to throw it out at home because you were wary of what these pranksters would do with it here.

Once they calmed down and Scott no longer resembled a tomato you all began preparing the fresh goods for the day. Soon all different types of breads and rolls were rising the oven, as you finished making crumb cake, turnovers and other pastries, yawning as you set them to bake.

Your baking was done but unfortunately you couldn’t rest yet, inventory still needed to be done along with some bookkeeping. A third cup of coffee sounded tempting but you needed to eat and while you loved all the delicious sweets you made you knew you wanted something more substantial.

The air was still chilly in the early morning so you asked to borrow Scott’s hoodie as you walked to the corner of the next block. You frequented this deli out of convenience, even though your rolls were a million times better. By the time you got back to Excelsior you had to set the sandwich aside to deal with a delivery.

The hazard lights were blinking on the large box truck as you held the door open for M’Baku, the even larger delivery driver, who kindly carried in your order of flour.

“Hey man,” Clint affectionately greeted him as he slipped outside with Scott following behind as their work was finished.

“Scott, wait!” He turned around just as he got to the sidewalk. “Your hoodie,” you shouted, gesturing to yourself still wearing it.

“Leave it in the lounge, I’ll pick it up tomorrow,” he yelled, sending back a smile.

Back inside Vis worked on baking cakes as you settled in your office. Scott’s hoodie hung over the back of the chair you sunk into as you unwrapped your sandwich. A knock at your door alerted your attention to Darcy, a long time employee you recently promoted to assistant manager. She informed you the latest hire Miles, had just arrived for his first day.

Leaving the sandwich again you greeted Miles, assuring that he was in good hands with Darcy and his other shift employee Kamala.

Miles’ father worked in the same precinct as your friend Wanda’s brother, becoming hooked on Excelsior from the moment Pietro brought in a box of pastries. Officer Davis stopped in for coffee and snacks quite often after that and when he saw the help wanted sign he told Miles to apply for the job.

Miles had a few questions and though Darcy was just as capable to answer them you did so yourself, showing him the same kindness Stan showed you when you began.

You returned to the sandwich and took an unsatisfying bite of cold eggs and cheese on a roll. Oh well. It sat mainly to the side as you went over some paperwork, stifling a yawn as your tired eyes drowned in the sea of words. You felt your head nodding forward in slow motion, and there was nothing you could do to prevent it. Your shoulders slumped down as you fell into a slightly uncomfortable but much needed rest.

The loud vibrations of your phone buzzing on the desk startled you awake and for a moment your sleep deprived mind needed to gather its bearings before realizing you were at work and not in your comfortable bed, the place you were desperately craving.

Yawning again you rubbed your eyes, acutely aware you might be smudging last night’s makeup all over your face. The phone buzzed once more as a reminder, and you picked it up finding a text from Wanda.

No.

Not today.

Any day but today.

You read over Wanda’s text reminding you about the blood drive over at the fire station this morning. You promised her you’d donate, knowing how important it was to her after Pietro had been shot on the job and blood transfusions helped save his life.

You wanted to go, you promised you would go, but you really didn’t want to go today. You were more than exhausted and needed rest, but realistically if you went home for a nap you would definitely sleep through your alarm. Donate blood, then sleep. That was the plan.

Vis began working on a large cake order for Stark Industries and asked your assistance in helping him gather the ingredients.

He entered the large walk in refrigerator to grab eggs and milk while you assembled the rest of what he needed on the large butcher block counters. You eyed the heavy bag of flour, ambitiously thinking you could lift it on limited sleep and drained energy.

Bending your knees you gripped the bag that seemed to fight against you, causing you to tug with more force, bringing only the half ripped top of the bag up with you as you stood. Clouds of white smoke surrounded you, with puffs of flour floating off of the fabric of your shirt with every move you made.

“This is not your day,” Vis commented from a distance.

Your unamused face turned towards him, saying nothing as you sighed and then began to cough as you choked on flour that you inhaled.

You cleaned yourself up as best as you could in the bathroom. Your dark jeans had a white-washed fade to them and your t-shirt was now rinsing in the sink. No amount of wet paper towel would have been enough to clean the shirt whose fibers engulfed the flour like it was their last meal.

Opening the bathroom door a crack you called out for Darcy, who eyed your mostly bare skin through the door with curious concern.

“Couldja get my top from the office? It should be in the bottom drawer with my heels?”

Darcy returned, admiring the sparkly top as she held it up before handing it to you.

Once you were certain your hair, face and the rest of your body was free from flour you exited the bathroom, letting Vis and Darcy know you were leaving.

“Bedtime?” Darcy asked, following you to your office.

“I wish,” you sighed, grabbing your phone. “I promised my friend Wanda I’d donate blood at the firehouse so I have to head there first.”

Darcy’s head shook with laughter as she pointed at your ensemble. “And you’re going there dressed like that?”

You grimaced as you thought about it; a sequined tank top was a bit extra for a blood drive. “Hmmm, you’re right. I think I’ll keep borrowing Scott’s hoodie until tomorrow,” you said, slipping your arms into the large sleeves and zipping it up all the way.

***

The strong morning sun blinded your eyes through the gaps of the skyscrapers as you walked to the fire station. It was going to be warm today, you could already feel yourself sweating in Scott’s hoodie. Grabbing your phone you texted Wanda letting her know you were on your way.

Ambulances were parked on the block leading up to the fire station though red balloons caught your attention; they were tied to a large plastic sign on the sidewalk promoting the blood drive. You checked your phone finding Wanda hadn’t texted back yet but you went inside anyway hoping by some chance she was already there.

Surprisingly a small crowd had built up despite the early morning hour. The room was packed with broad figured firefighters and paramedics lining the walls and medical students tending to people already in the process of donating. Volunteers were everywhere, serving juice and cookies at a table in the back and handling the registration process for the line you were in.

Wanda was not in sight so you texted her again warning that you’ll be donating soon and would need her by your side. You weren’t afraid of the needle going in but the idea of it sitting under your skin irked you and you needed her as a distraction.

After handing in your paperwork you were nervously bouncing your leg as you sat down and waited, checking your phone for the millionth disappointing time to see there was no response.

Upon hearing your name called you looked up and were greet by a very young looking kid. He introduced himself as Peter and though he looked seventeen his ID badge proved he was in fact a med student at Metro-General Hospital.

Your stomach twisted with nerves as you sat back on a cot, comfortably crossing your legs as you watched Peter slip his hands into latex gloves and slowly collect the items he needed to draw blood. He whispered to himself, methodically going through the steps of what he should be doing.

His meticulousness should have been comforting as he checked over his tools, allowing more time for Wanda to show up. Your nerves began to bubble over more as you worried if something happened to her.

The packaged needle crinkled in Peter’s hands but he was quickly stopped by a leggy brunette in a long white lab coat.

“Mr. Parker, did you check her blood pressure first?” the woman sternly asked, knowing her answer as she had been observing him and the other students from the center of the floor.

Peter cleared his throat nervously, “Oh, uh, no Ms. Hill. I’ll do that now.” He let out an uncomfortable chuckle and she nodded in return.

With the blood pressure cuff in his hand Peter wrapped it around your sleeve and began to pump the bulb. The cuff tightened around your arm and Peter was focused on reading the dial but Ms. Hill calling his name out interrupted the process.

“Mr. Parker, can you tell me what’s incorrect?”

Peter checked that he placed the cuff in the proper spot, his eyes running along your frame until he noticed his error.

“Oh, um, miss, could you uncross your legs?” he asked, throwing a hint of a smile towards Ms. Hill who turned away.

You felt bad for Peter as he resumed taking your blood pressure. You couldn’t imagine how stressful his job could be. Being covered in flour was annoying but the thought of blood and other body fluids getting all over you made you feel sick.

When it was time to finally take your blood Peter asked for your arm, giving him your left one after rolling up the sleeves. You squeezed a ball a few times before he tied off the top of your arm with a painful elastic that squeezed your skin.

“There’s g-going to be a little pinch, okay?” Peter said to gently warn you, though hearing the shakiness of his own voice did nothing to calm your nerves.

You turned your head away as Peter began, tightening your core at the intrusion of the needle that felt worse than a little pinch and tried to breathe through the mildly uncomfortable pain. The sharpness beneath your skin continued and though you didn’t look it felt like Peter was stabbing you internally as he searched for a vein.

Picturing the needle inside your arm did nothing to calm your nerves so you searched for something else to focus on since Wanda was not there. A loud burst of laughter caught your attention and you looked over to see a group huddled together.

There were two men in FDNY shirts that threatened to split at the seams across their massive muscles. They had similar looks with blond hair and beards though they were distinctly different. The shorter of the two by a few inches, had longer blond hair with a full dark beard, while the other’s facial hair was fairer though his cropped hair had a darker tinge to it.

Your face squeezed tightly in pain as Peter apologized, claiming he was having trouble with your veins.

“It’s okay,” you lied, focusing your attention back to the group.

Hunk 1 and Hunk 2 were talking to two other equally large and handsome men wearing shirts with an emergency services logo on the back. The loudest of the group was a dark man with the brightest smile you’d ever seen. His laughter was contagious as he tipped his head back, palming the shoulder of the long haired man next to him he looked to be teasing.

Hissing in pain at the sharpness you felt you couldn’t help but look at your arm, seeing the silver needle prodding your skin. You weren’t a medical professional by any means, in fact the only brush with saving lives you’ve had is when Scott once choked on a Tic-Tac and you gave him the Heimlich maneuver, but you could tell something was wrong.

“Umm, Peter,” you meekly spoke, “That doesn’t feel right.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to try the other arm, okay? I think it’s the vein,” he said, convincing himself.

He undid the elastic and you could see the difference in skin tone from where it had been cut off by the band. Withdrawing the needle from your skin, he placed a cotton ball there, applying pressure for a few minutes before he asked you to take over.

Peter grabbed a bright blue roll of a self-adherent wrap that he applied around your arm. The uncomfortable way it clung to your skin added to your ever-building nerves. Sweat pooled on the back of your neck though you found relief rolling up the other sleeve, feeling the cool air comfort you skin before the elastic wrapped around your arm again. You squeezed the ball tightly, venting all your frustrations out through every pump of your hand.

Peter opened a new needle and you caught his gaze before he began. He looked confident and so you inhaled deeply, in search once more of the hunks to distract you. They had moved closer to the refreshment table and catching your eye was the man from before, whose long chestnut hair fell in front of his face as he leaned down to grab a cup of orange juice.

When he stood up you were mesmerized by full pink lips and the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen. He was drop dead gorgeous but judging by the way he held himself it didn’t seem like he would believe you if you told him. He was the most reserved out of the group, sporting a shy smile every time Hunk 3 said something and pointed to him.

“Ow!”

You didn’t mean to shout so loud, drawing attention is the last thing you wanted. You couldn’t even bear to glance at the huddle of hunks, instead focusing on Peter who was apologizing profusely.

Reluctantly he called over Ms. Hill and she had another med student named MJ come over to have Peter observe her. She inserted the needle into your vein with ease and silently judged Peter through her side glance before leaving.

By the time you officially began donating blood you received a text from Wanda, apologizing after she was stuck on FaceTime with her mom in Sokovia for longer than she expected.

You were thankful she was alright, texting her back about your bad experience so far. You told her not to bother coming since you would be finished soon, passing the time on your phone or occasionally sneaking glances at Hunk 4; he had caught your eye the most.

It felt like you were laying there for hours as your blood flowed like sludge in a pipe. People that were seated after you were now long gone. Shifting slightly against the cot made the needle twinge inside your arm and you really couldn’t wait until this was over with. Scott’s hoodie felt like your own personal sauna and you wanted so desperately to get out of it and into pajamas.

Peter kept checking on your progress and finally when you filled the container he, with Ms. Hill shrewdly watching over his shoulder, removed the needle from your vein and placed another blue wrap around your skin.

After thanking Peter you began to walk towards the refreshment table that suddenly seemed so far away as a wave of lightheadedness washed over you. If you could just get to the juice and cookies you would be fine. You had already been here for so long you wanted to get out.

Though you were burning up your skin was clammy, and sweat beaded on your forehead but you were determined to get to the table. It was a slow trudge, like shuffling your legs through thick mud. You’re almost there. Your vision is spotty and starting to fade but if you push a little harder you could make it.

Your ears fail you as they begin to clog. A soft voice coming from the indiscernible figure beside you asks a question. It’s muffled, as if you’re underwater but you’re able to figure out what they said.

“I’m fine,” you insisted not wanting to make a scene.

The table is barely visible but you’re right there, reaching out for the cup of juice you presume is in front of you. Your hands never made it though, as your body began its descent to the ground.

***

Bright fluorescent lights were shining behind the shadowy outline that hunched over you.

“There she is,” a man said.

You blinked a few times as your vision came back fully, noticing you were lying on a cot that had been tilted so your head was down and your legs were elevated. You asked what happened as your eyes began to focus on the curtain of hair that hung in front of the figure above you. He tucked the strands behind his ears to reveal familiar blue eyes.

Oh no. Hunk 4.

“You passed out,” Hunk 4 said, “All the color was drainin’ from your face. You almost fell but I caught you in time.”

You covered your eyes with your hands out of embarrassment, hoping this was a dream. Please wake up Y/N. When you heard the hunk’s soft chuckle you knew this was unfortunately real.

“My name’s Bucky and I’m a paramedic. Is it okay if I check your vitals?”

He asked for your name and smiled when you said it. Bucky gave off a comforting vibe and even though you were incredibly embarrassed from passing out he didn’t make a big deal about it.

Beside him was a small equipment bag, those beautiful eyes made contact with your own as he dug around for a stethoscope. His lips pulled into a tender smile as he asked you to unzip your hoodie.

Inhaling deeply you looked away, too embarrassed to face him again as you exposed the sequined top that was not appropriate for a morning blood donation.

“That’s pretty,” Bucky commented, placing the end of the stethoscope above your heart. “Doesn’t match your blue bandages though.”

The laughter that floated from your lips instantly became Bucky’s favorite sound. He was drawn to the way your smile warmed your face and noticed how beautiful you were as your eyes crinkled in delight. Listening to your steady heartbeat, he was thankful you couldn’t hear the way his own had definitely skipped in rhythm.

Warmth spread throughout your body as his soft fingers pressed against your inner wrist to check your pulse. Bucky’s wide smile and twinkling eyes definitely made your heart beat faster and you hoped he couldn’t tell.

Your eyes followed the lines of his smooth skin, up his arm towards the prominent vein that spread across his bulging biceps. You regret passing out, for obvious reasons, but mainly because you missed out on what it was like to be held in those strong arms.

Bucky asked you something though you didn’t pay attention as it finally struck you, he has been staring at you at the most unflattering angle possible ever since you woke up.

“Uhh, Bucky, can I sit up now?” you practically begged.

He asked how you were feeling and no matter the truth you would have told him you were doing much better. He adjusted the cot to a sitting position and turned around, calling out a name. Suddenly Hunk 3, otherwise known as Sam, was walking towards you with a cup of juice.

“Oooh!” Sam exclaimed, taking notice of your top. “How’re you feelin’ Sparkles?” He joked a little too loudly for your liking.

“’M good, thanks,” you said, taking the cup from his hand.

Hunks 1 and 2 came over as well to check up on you and though you appreciated their concern the attention made you want to crawl into Scott’s hoodie like a turtle and never come out again. Bucky sensed your discomfort and kindly asked Sam and the other hunks to give you some space.

“Thanks. I hate making a scene,” you said, offering an appreciative smile in between sips of orange juice.

“That’s the wrong shirt to wear at a firehouse then,” he chuckled, though he was intrigued as to your choice of outfit.

Bucky’s unasked questions were answered as you explained the bachelorette party, going into details about heading straight to work, hardly eating and then leaving after the flour explosion.

“Oh, so that’s what’s on your ear!”

“What?!” you panicked, rubbing your ears with your fingers.

Bucky’s eyes crinkled tightly as laughter bubbled up from the pit of his stomach, erupting from his mouth. “I’m just kidding Y/N!”

“Don’t scare me like that!” you feigned anger through a relieved smile, “I might pass out again!” you joked.

“Yeah you just might. Why did you think it was a good idea to donate blood after a night of drinking, no sleep and not eating?”

Bucky’s question wasn’t accusatory, in fact the expression in his eyes showed just how much concern he felt for you. You began to explain Wanda and her brother, and the promise you forgot you made to donate blood today.

“That’s real sweet of ya,” he said, with the hint of a Brooklyn accent coming through. “I work the night shift a lot too so I know how easy it is to forget these things, ‘specially when you’re tired.”

“Tell me about it, I’m exhausted,” you said, covering your mouth as talking about sleep brought out a large yawn.

“I bet you are, but uh… well here’s the thing,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Since you really didn’t eat anything today what do you say you let me take you out for breakfast?” he asked, with a hopeful smile.

Your eyes widened at his proposal and Bucky wasn’t sure if that was a positive reaction. He hadn’t asked anyone on a date in far longer than he wanted to admit and he knew he was rusty.

“As a concerned medical professional I gotta make sure you don’t pass out again,” he said, chewing on his bottom lip as he waited for your response.

A wide smile spread across your face as you accepted his offer and it felt like he could breathe again.

Bucky helped you stand, assuring that you were steady and held your hoodie up as you slipped your arms in. As you zipped yourself up he leaned over the cot, grabbing something and studying it curiously.

“Uhh… is this…” he laughed, holding out the palm of his hand to reveal the penis necklace.

They might as well take all the blood from your body since you practically died on the spot.

“This is the worst day of my life,” you deadpanned.

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, offering his arm out for you to hold. On your way towards the door you passed by the smiling hunks with Sam smirking at you both. Bucky slapped his hand, placing the penis necklace in his palm leaving Sam very confused as the two of you walked away.

It was a quick walk to the place Bucky wanted to take you for breakfast, a trendy little spot with exposed brick and wood beams and old floors that creaked under your step. A relaxed voice from behind the counter belonging to a man with a waxed mustache told you to seat yourselves.

Leading you to a table near the window, Bucky pulled out a mismatched chair for you before he sat down. You glanced around the room, spying lights strung across the ceiling and distressed furniture repurposed as the wait stations.

Menus were brought over and reading through the details of each item made your mouth water. Your starving stomach wanted all of it as you continued to scan through every delicious offering.

“So let’s get all of it,” Bucky replied to the comment you thought you said in your head.

“What?” your head lifted to see the sincerity in Bucky’s eyes.

Though he hardly knew you, Bucky was already willing to give you the world if you asked for it.

“No! I mean, I don’t think I could eat all of it anyway. Some of it, but not all,” you joked.

Bucky’s tongue poked out to wet his lips as he chuckled. “Y/N I mean it, get whatever you want. After donating you need to indulge.”

“Paramedic’s orders?” you asked with coy glint in your eyes.

A smile cemented itself on Bucky’s face as he replied, “That’s right doll, paramedic’s orders.”

By the time your server came around you decided to order avocado toast with a fried egg along with French toast that you insisted Bucky share with you.

During the wait for food you got to know each other. Bucky was from Brooklyn where he shared an apartment with Hunk 1, otherwise known as Steve, his best friend.

“He’s a punk but I love ‘im,” Bucky said without hesitation.

You didn’t realize how long you had been smiling until your food arrived and the act of chewing hurt your sore cheeks. You couldn’t help it though, everything about Bucky made your heart sing with joy. He was handsome and kind, funny and caring. He was… disappearing from your vision as you yawned widely, covering your mouth with your hand.

You had been yawning for a while, ignoring the need for sleep to continue talking with Bucky but it was finally catching up to you.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been selfish wantin’ to talk to ya all day,” he said.

“S’okay, I really didn’t want to leave either,” you admitted, sharing a smile with him.

Before leaving you exchanged numbers. “In case you feel faint,” Bucky said, nervously running his hands through his hair.

You caught the blush on his cheeks and felt your whole body fluttering. There was no doubt you would be calling him later; it was undeniable, Bucky Barnes made you weak.

[suscaptain]

ive been craving outside food all week… i even cooked a little something earlier in the week but im having specific cravings. pizza. mac & cheese. breakfast sandwiches. iced coffee. chocolate.

i dont want to spend “bad money”… which is how my mom would describe it