#ive been checking there every few days for more leaks

[dolla-dolla-yeah]

So what are people's thoughts on the leaks of Kavi's collection?

[midnighthazee]

Greenridge ABO Series

Series Masterlist Masterlist

Warnings: explicit language, fear, mentions of past abuse/trauma, violence, abuse, mentions of blood, pet names, a lil smut... 18+ MDNI

WC: 5867

Chapter 11

Two days went by. Two long, agonizingly slow days. The Mansae pack had made it to the house within the hour and Changbin explained how chaotic their day had been. The Mansae members eagerly pitched in to help. Their pack medic Joshua and his assistant Seungkwan worked with Felix and Doctor Quinn in keeping an eye on you. They checked your vitals every hour, keeping you on an IV drip. They also took shifts at night to keep an eye on you around the clock.

Changbin and Seungmin went to check on Minho since there were so many people at home to protect you should the Nykos attack. Jeongin wouldn’t stray too far from you though. He even slept on the floor in the basement living room the first night.

  When Changbin and Seungmin arrived at the house, Minho growled and yanked at the chains when they entered.

“Minho?” Seungmin spoke cautiously.

“We really should have put some clothes on him before locking him up.” Chanbin noted.

Minho was still hard, his tip red and leaking.

Seungmin stepped forward carefully, looking into Minho’s eyes. They were golden and no longer red so that was a good sign. Changbin stood back, observing in case he needed to intervene.

“Please.” Minho rasped.

“Please what?” Seungmin asked, catching Minho’s rut scent.

“Touch me.” Minho hung his head, voice barely audible.

Seungmin stepped forward, caressing Minho’s cheek. Minho whimpered, leaning into his touch. He was covered in cum, so was the floor, and Seungmin felt bad. He clearly had been trying but to no avail.

“I’ll help you.” Seungmin whispered, kissing Minho as his hand dropped to Minho’s cock and stroked.

Minho bucked his hips, searching for more friction. Seungmin squeezed hard, pumping his hand faster. It was only a few minutes before Minho cried out, cum dribbling down Seungmin’s hand. Minho’s body shook as the orgasm washed over him. Finally, after hours, he began to soften. Apparently it wasn’t enough for him to do it, he needed someone else’s touch.

Seungmin littered his face and neck with kisses as Minho leaned into him. Changbin went and grabbed some pillows and a blanket from the other room, placing it next to Minho so he could rest. Then he cleaned him off while Seungmin went to wash his hands. Minho laid down, his wrists and ankles still chained to the wall.

“Should we unlock him?” Seungmin asked upon return.

“We’ll check on him when he wakes up.” Changbin assures, kissing Minho’s temple.

“I’m going to stay here until he wakes.” Seungmin said, sitting next to Minho and rubbing his back.

Changbin nodded, heading back to the house.

It took a few hours but eventually Minho woke up. 

“Seungmin? Wh-where’s y/n?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember waking up next to y/n this morning. I started my rut and told her to leave but she insisted on helping me.”

“She did!?” 

“Yes…You seriously think I took advantage of her?.” Minho glared, shaking his wrists to make the metal clink. 

That must be why I’m locked up, he thought.

“I don’t know. We thought the urges took over or something.” 

Seungmin shrugged, looked away. He was unsure how to break the news, knowing how Minho was - he was not going to take this well. Of course Minho could tell there was something he wasn’t saying.

“Spit it out Seungmin.” Minho demanded.

Seungmin sighed, “You went feral. That’s probably why you don’t remember. My guess is it was because of Lewis’s mark. ”

Minho clenched his jaw, staring at the far wall. “What did I do?”

Seungmin took a deep breath.

“You marked her.” He looked at his alpha, awaiting his reaction.

Minho swallowed, his fists clenched. “How bad is it?”

“Minho…”

“How…bad?” Minho growled.

“She sub-dropped.”

Minho took a deep breath. “I wanna see her.”

“I don’t think that’-”

“Tell her I’m not going to hurt her. That I’m chained-”

“She’s in the med room…we are waiting for her to wake up.” Seungmin spoke in a quiet voice.

Minho finally looked at him and Seungmin shivered under his intense gaze. 

“It’s not your fault-” Seungmin tried to say.

“It is. I did this.” Minho looked back at the ground. “You should go be with her.”

“I’m here to help you with your rut. She’s got plenty of people around her right now.”

“I don’t need help.” Minho stated.

“Minho…”

“Seungmin…I love you…but I demand you leave. Go.” Minho commanded with his alpha voice.

Seungmin stood, shoulders slumped, and with one last look, he left. He headed back to the house, finding Changbin. Changbin sighed upon hearing about Minho but told Seungmin to just give him space to process. Seungmin did bring Minho dinner after a little while but he said he didn’t want it.

The next day, Changbin had gone to bring him food. Minho was sitting there, staring off in space. Changbin could see a tent where the sheet covered his crotch but Minho ignored it. Changbin undid the chains, but Minho didn’t move. 

“You need to eat.” Changbin said after a few minutes of silence.

Minho just stared at the floor, catatonic.

“She’s doing better.” Changbin offered. “Her vitals are going up so that’s promising. We are still trying to find Chan but I swear it-”

“Chan is missing?” Minho finally spoke, looking to Changbin.

“Seungmin didn’t tell you?”

“No. Tell me what?”

“Chan didn’t come home yesterday. The Mansae pack is here to help us find them.”

“That’s what Seungmin meant when he said she’s got plenty of people around her.” Minho muttered.

“Yes. I swear it’s the Nykos but we have no proof. Two of Seungcheol’s people went to track their phones’ last location. Hopefully from there we can find them.”

“If it was the Nykos, go storm their house and get them back.” Minho deadpanned.

“If we do…and they aren’t there…” Changbin shook his head. “We can’t be reckless. You know this.”

Minho sighed. “I hate that I put this on you and Innie.”

“It’s not your fault. Plus, I think it’s good for Innie.”

“I knew I should have kicked her out of my room.” Minho shook his head.

“Minho…you would still be dealing with your rut. So you would still be here.” Changbin reminded him. “Eat please.”

Reluctantly, Minho ate his food and Changbin went back to the house. Seungmin would be there later and end up helping him a bit with his rut, Minho’s urges taking over.

Hoshi and Mingyu finally called, letting everyone know that they found their phones as well as the car flipped over in a ditch. They were further convinced of this being a kidnapping since one of the doors was ripped off. It was also unsettling to think they were hurt from the car accident. 

Jeongin was soothing Felix as he sobbed in his lap, this all being too much for the sensitive beta. Jeongin was doing his best to remain calm and collected, soothing Felix and learning from the older alphas and betas.

Nighttime finally came and everyone was getting some rest. Changbin was restless of course but sleeping. The Mansae pack was scattered around the house, sleeping on couches or piled with each other in the guest room. 

Jeongin, after finally getting Felix relaxed and sleeping, went to check on you. He was standing in the doorway, watching you carefully. You were sleeping peacefully, although your skin looked pale. Jeongin missed your smile, the sound of your voice, your laugh. He smiled at the memories, impatient for you to wake.

Thump…thump…thump…thump…th-

Jeongin hurried to your side, squeezing your wrist. No pulse.

“FELIX!” Jeongin yelled, starting CPR.

Felix popped up, confused. 

“FELIX!” Jeongin called again, waking a few others.

Felix sprinted into the room, Joshua shaking Seungkwan.

“What happened?” Felix questioned. 

“I don’t know. One minute she was fine. Then I heard her heart stop.” Jeongin explained.

“Push epi.” Joshua said.

Felix measured out the epi and fed it through your IV, Jeongin still giving CPR. Felix’s eyes were teary but he blinked them away. He had to be strong for you right now.

“Pulse check.” Joshua said.

Jeongin stopped as Joshua pressed two fingers under your jawline.

“She’s got a pulse.” 

They all breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ohh, thank god.” Felix said, dropping to the ground.

“Breath, Lixie.” Jeongin rushed to his side and rubbed his back as he cried. The stress was definitely getting to him.

“Her heart is weak right now. But it’s fighting.” Joshua informed.

“She’s strong. She’s a fighter.” Felix sniffled, standing up. “She made it out of that hellhole. She will survive this.” 

Joshua smiled sympathetically, nodding his head.

“You three rest, I’ll keep watch.” Seungkwan offered.

“I’m fine.” Felix said, holding onto your hand.

“Lix, you only slept an hour. And only four the night before” Jeongin held Felix’s other hand. 

“I’m not leaving her side again!” Felix nearly yelled. 

“Okay,” was all Jeongin said.

Jeongin stepped out of the med room, Joshua and Seungkwan too. They laid back down in their spots on the couch, Jeongin noticing Minho at the back door. He was inside, just standing there staring with a blank expression. Jeongin sniffed the air, not catching the scent of his rut. Was it over already?

Seeing Minho’s eyes look towards the med room, he wondered how much of that he heard.

“Go see her.” Jeongin whispered.

Minho looked at him, making him squirm under the harsh stare.

“I’m sure it would help if you go hold her hand or-” Jeongin stopped when Minho moved.

Minho walked around the couch opposite of the med room and headed upstairs without a word. Jeongin pouted. If he would go see you, it might help you recover, especially now that you’re bonded and he marked you. But Jeongin didn’t push. Instead he just tried to get some sleep.

It was the early hours of the night and everyone was asleep. Minho stood in the doorway of the med room, refusing to enter as he watched your slow breaths. He locked in on the faint heartbeat of yours, staring as Felix was cuddled into your side, finally sleeping. The bed was barely big enough for the both of you but he didn’t care. He needed to be close to you.

Minho looked behind him, seeing Jeongin asleep on the couch. He remembered what he said, and what he’d been taught of soulmates. Sighing, he stepped forward, coming to your side opposite of Felix. Seeing you like this made his heart ache. He had done this - he had nearly killed you. And you were still not out of the woods yet. 

Hesitantly, he reached his hand out to yours and took it. Your touch felt tingly on his skin as held your hand. Studying you, it sounded as if your heart beat was stronger. Counting, he realized it was elevated. Maybe being bonded does help. 

He held your hand for a while, not wanting to pull away. Nearly twenty minutes passed and he heard movement from the living room. He closed his eyes, leaning down and breathing your scent before whispering in your ear.

“I’m sorry.” He kissed your cheek and left, his hand slipping from yours.

It was the next morning when Doctor Quinn returned. She checked your vitals, Felix filling her in on what happened last night. It made her worry, but your vitals were in a healthy range and she felt optimistic of your recovery. Felix wouldn’t believe it till you were awake and talking though.

Minho was upstairs, cooking breakfast for everyone. Changbin insisted he rest but Minho ignored him. So Jeongin and Changbin pitched in to help him cook for everyone. Soon breakfast was ready, Felix refusing to leave your side. Seungmin brought him a plate down, kissed your temple and went upstairs to eat.

“We can’t keep sitting around. We need to go to the Nykos and get our boys back.” Minho said once everyone was done eating.

“We don’t know how many people are at their house right now. Their numbers are huge…like five times ours. We would have to bring everyone - Enha and Ahgase - and hope we have enough.” Seungcheol noted.

“Someone has to stay behind for y/n,” Seungmin added.

“Doctor Quinn can.” Minho said. 

“What if they bring a handful of people for y/n? Doctor Quinn can’t protect her from one alpha, let alone like two or three betas.” Seungmin pointed out.

Minho sighed. If they split their numbers to leave you guarded, they risk not having enough to rescue their members. Not that they had enough anyways if reinforcements were already in place. If they had your pack members, they probably had packs on guard ready to attack. 

“Even if we leave her with just Doctor Quinn, who says we would make it past the border. They would be expecting us and keep us off their lands. We could very much not even make it to the house.” Wonwoo said as if he read Minho’s thoughts.

“I just can’t stand them being there as long as they have. Who knows what shit Lewis is pulling right now.” Minho grumbled, running his fingers through his hair.

“What if we have Doctor Quinn take y/n away. Hide her somewhere while she recovers. She would be safe, and we better our odds on the front lines. We are just going to have to take the chance of guarded borders and large numbers.” Changbin suggested. “We can call Enha and Ahgase. Tell them to get here immediately and make our move tonight. That way our people don’t spend another night there.”

“I hate to play devil’s advocate…” It was Hoshi, raising his hand to intervene. “But what if they aren’t even at the house. Lewis could have taken them somewhere else.”

It was silent.

That was definitely an option, one they didn’t want to think about. If they made it to the house, and their people weren’t there…

“Then we torture him until he talks. Kill no one and only take prisoners. Someone will break and tell us where they are being held.” Minho states. “We move at dusk. I’ll call Enha and get them here. S.Coups, can you call Ahgase?”

“Of course.”

“Everyone, get some rest and fuel up. I need you at your best.” Minho says. 

Everyone nods and moves to get themselves fight ready for tonight.

Meanwhile in the basement, Felix was checking your vitals for the third time that hour. He was stressing to say the least, anxious your heart would stop again. You had been dressed in some of your clothes, the new mark cleaned carefully by Doctor Quinn.

As he took your blood pressure, reading the dial as he listened, you blinked your eyes open. Your brows furrowed at the harsh overhead lighting. You blinked rapidly as your eyes adjusted, turning your head slowly when you noticed someone next to you. A small moan escaped you, causing Felix to look at you. 

“You’re awake!” Felix practically fell on you. “Oh my god, you’re awake!

You groaned a little as he squeezed you, your lips turning up into a small smile.

“Oh, y/n! I was so worried. We all were!” Felix spoke with tears in his eyes.

You swallowed, trying to sit up.

“Easy. Take it easy. Let me get you some water.” Felix sprinted from the room, across the living room to the bar and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. He was back within thirty seconds and placed it to your lips. He tipped it slowly, helping you drink.

“What happened?” you rasped, coughing.

He helped you with a few more sips. “What do you remember?”

You thought back. The last thing you remembered was waking up in Minho’s arms and he had started his rut. Your eyes got wide, worried about what happened during that time for you to end up in the med room with Felix crying. But Felix waited for you to speak, not forcing any memories.

“I remember Minho got his rut. And…I pushed him to let me help.”

Felix nodded. “That’s it?”

“I remember feeling this…blinding pain. Like nothing I had ever felt before. Not even with the Nykos.” You said that last sentence in a small voice, hating that something hurt you more than the Nykos.

“Minho marked you. He went feral upon seeing Lewis’s bite and his instincts went into overdrive.”

“But it didn’t hurt like that before.”

“It’s because he was overwriting the old one. Your old bond was being broken, a new one forming. Doctor Quinn was supposed to be here to observe when you were finally ready. You know, in case you sub-dropped… which you did.” Felix explained.

“Where is he? Where’s Minho? Is he okay?”

“He’s upstairs and he’s fine.”

“I should help him.” you moved to stand.

“Whoa, y/n.” Felix guided you back down. “Help him with what? His rut?”

You nodded.

“You’re in no condition for that. Plus he’s not rutting anymore.”

“What? How?”

“I don’t know. He stopped last night.” Felix shrugged.

“How long have I been out?” 

“Two days.” Felix whispered, stroking your cheek.

“Two days?!” You gasped. “Wait, he's done already?”

“Apparently. It's confusing for him too.” Felix shrugged. “But he said there have been reports of skipping a rut or one ending early during times of high stress.”

It was quiet for a few moments as you processed everything Felix told you. He tucked your hair behind your ear, smiling at you. 

“I’m sorry.” you whispered, looking at your hands as they fidgeted in your lap.

Felix took your hand in his. “Sorry for what, love?”

“Being a burden. We should be worrying about the Nykos…”

“No, no. Shhhh.” Felix squeezed your hand. “You are never a burden. We will always take care of you, no matter what. We love you. I love you.”

You meet his loving gaze, your own eyes watering. “You do?”

“Yes. I don’t care if it seems too soon. I know how I feel.” Felix says. He was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve.

“Felix, Minho wants to see - hey you’re awake!” 

You tensed at the foreign man coming into the med room. Felix felt you squeeze his hand and remembered you hadn’t met them yet.

“It’s okay. This is Joshua. He’s part of the Mansae pack. He’s a friend and he’s been helping me take care of you. Him and Seungkwan.”

You looked at him and he smiled at you. You looked down, avoiding eye contact with the alpha and whispering, “Thank you.” 

“Oh course. I’m glad to see you awake and talking.”

“I have to go see Minho. Will you be okay stay-” “Let me come.” you pleaded.

“Y/n…you need rest.”

“I’m okay. I’ve been resting. I wanna see Minho.”

Felix didn’t know how to tell you that Minho didn’t really want to see you right now. Instead, he was too busy beating himself up over it all.

“Y/n…” Joshua stepped forward. “You were…without a pulse for a while. Felix and Jeongin finally brought you back but your heart stopped again just last night. I’m happy, but a little surprised you’re awake so soon after that. And with such strong vitals…. I know it’s a lot to take in, but you really should rest your body. You don’t want to stress it too soon.”

You looked to Felix to see if what Joshua was saying was true but he was looking down at your intertwined fingers, gnawing his lower lip. It must be true and the thought made you whine. Truth is, Felix was happy Joshua told you, he didn’t have the heart to relive it by telling you himself.

“I’ll send the boys down, okay?” Felix forced a smile as he reassured you.

You just nodded, knowing he needed to go. 

Upstairs, Felix rushed over to the boys on the couch.

“She’s awake! Y/n’s talking and she’s awake!”

“Really?!” Jeongin popped up from the couch.

Felix nodded his head excitedly.

Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin rushed downstairs, racing and arguing about who’s getting the first hug.

Minho remained seated on the couch, not showing how relieved he was to hear this news. He couldn’t bear it if he had killed his soulmate - hell, their soulmate.

“Don’t say a word.” Minho warned them as they descended the stairs.

“Say a word about what?”

“I don’t want her to know about our mates. She doesn’t need the stress.”

“You’re going to lie to her?”

“No.”

“Lying by omission is still lying.”

“Doctor Quinn is going to take her somewhere private and secluded while we infiltrate the Nykos.” “I’ll go with her.”

“Felix. I need you fighting with us. We need everyone helping. We don’t know what we are walking into or how many people will be there.” Minho’s tone was serious and gave no room for protest.

Felix's shoulders dropped but he nodded.

“So I need you rested and ready. We leave at dusk. Enha and Ahgase will be here soon. Doctor Quinn too. We will leave and then she will take y/n away.”

“This is all happening so fast.” Felix stated.

“I know. But I can’t leave them at Lewis’s mercy another night.”

“Okay. I’ll be ready.” Felix said.

“Thank you.”

“You should go see her.” 

“Go eat.” Minho stood and walked off.

“Minho.” Felix stood and he stopped. “She’s okay. You don’t have to punish yourself. Go see her. She even asked about you.”

Minho looked back at Felix and, without a word, left towards his room. Once behind his door, he exhaled heavily, clutching his chest as he dropped to his knees. Silent tears fell from his eyes as relief washed over him. He sobbed for a few minutes before collecting himself and standing. 

He hadn’t been in his room since coming back from the rut house, too preoccupied with everything going on. And now, he’s seeing the messy state he left behind. Walking forward, he looked down at his unmade bed - the sheets blood stained. You bled on his sheets when he bit you, and now the sheets were a reminder.

Minho moved robotically, ripping the sheets from his bed. He rolled them up into a ball and took them out to the trash in the garage. Then he came up, finding new sheets in the hall linen closet. He made his bed and tidied up his room before going back to his action plans.

The boys had practically fallen down the stairs to get to you, scaring you briefly with all their commotion. 

“Y/n!” They exclaimed, about to attack you with a group hug. 

“Easy.” Joshua warned, but to no avail. 

You winced, the pressure of them hugging you made your shoulder hurt a bit. The mark was still sensitive, your tissue healing.

“Sorry.” Seungmin muttered, kissing your temple. 

Jeongin leaned in and kissed your forehead, Changbin kissing your cheek. He wanted to kiss your lips but nobody knew about the first time. (He also didn't want to do it in front of everyone).

“Are you hungry? Seungmin can make you some food.” Changbin offered.

You shook your head. 

“You need to eat. It's been like three days, darling.” Seungmin squeezes your hand. 

You pout but don't say anything.

“I'm gonna make your favorite, okay?” Seungmin says. 

You can't help but smile. He pecks your cheek and then hurries off upstairs. 

“Where are the others?” You ask.

“Um…they are working on the,uh…the Lewis problem.” Changbin says. 

You notice the way his smile seems tight. Like he's hiding something. But you don't get a chance to ask because Felix comes back and sits on the edge of the bed. 

“This one…has refused to leave your side.” Jeongin says, jabbing his thumb in Felix's direction. 

Felix smiles sheepishly. “I was worried.”

“We all were. But we still rested and ate.” Jeongin notes.

You smile at Felix, your heart warming at his undying love. All of them cared about you so much and you didn't know how to handle it. It was overwhelming but in the best way. 

After a few minutes of them cooing over you and helping you to the bathroom, Seungmin returned with food. 

“M'lady,” he said with a bow. 

You giggled, taking the plate. It smelled so good, your stomach growled loudly. The boys chuckled as you started eating. 

Joshua came back in, telling the boys that Minho was asking for them. They promised to be back quickly, leaving you alone to your thoughts. You kept eating, thinking about how you probably scared them all so bad. It looked like they hadn’t been sleeping much and that made you sad. 

Suddenly, you got a bright idea for a sleepover night. You would get pillows and blankets and set them up in the living room, demanding everyone huddle together for the night. That would probably be the best way to get everyone to have a good night’s rest. And that way you didn’t have to be alone with your nightmares just yet.

After eating, you attempted to stand. The IV was still in your arm, but you ripped it out, now knowing how to turn off the flow of it. You pushed the covers off and swung your legs over. Your body was stiff and you wanted to move around to get the blood flowing.

You slid off the bed, your feet dropping about a foot before hitting the cold tile. Your legs felt a little weak and wobbly but you managed all your weight on them. Carefully, you walked to the foot of the bed and found that it wasn’t hard - you didn’t even need to support yourself. You continued walking, upstairs to a living room crowded with foreign faces.

You froze, not sure what to do. The mix of smells was overwhelming. You looked into the kitchen and saw Minho at the island. Quickly, you walked over and hugged him from behind. He tenses.

“Are you okay?” you whisper.

Minho swallows. “I should be the one asking that.”

You let go and he finishes making his sandwich. 

“Minho…” you start.

“I gotta get some planning done.” Minho walked out of the kitchen and down the hall to Chan’s office.

You pout. He barely looked at you. And he seemed so distant. Your mark began to sting a little. He wasn't… rejecting you, was he? He hasn’t been this cold since your first day. Your cheeks flush red as you realize all the people probably witnessed that.

“He’s just processing.” One spoke up. “I’m Seungcheol.”

“Y/n.” you forced a smile.

“I think he blames himself for you… well… you almost dying.” 

The idea made your heart ache. Nothing about this was his fault. It was yours since you pushed him the other morning. Sighing, you go back downstairs. You stopped at the bottom of the stairs, not wanting to go back into that room. So you decided to go out back.

Outside, you inhaled deeply, enjoying the smells of the yard. The fresh crisp smell of the leaves and trees. It was a bit colder than you last remembered, making you hug yourself. You stepped forward, your barefeet in the grass. It was comforting - the freeness of being outside. 

You caught a whiff of unknown wolves as you heard chatter from above. It must be members of the other pack on the balcony. You went to go back in before you caught some of the conversation.

“I don’t know what condition we are going to find Chan in. I’m worried.” one of them said.

Find Chan?

“Lewis is probably doing a num-ber on him for taking the omega. And I can’t wait to put a hot poker through his eye.” spoke a second one with a grunt as he acted out the motion.

Lewis what?

“Tell me about… That bastard needs to be humbled.” the first spoke again.

Your legs move before you think, carrying you upstairs. You look around the living room, everyone stopping and looking your way. Some hushed voices whispered as you made your way down the hall to Chan’s office. Swinging the door open, you find it empty. You march back down the hall and upstairs.

“Y/n? What are you doing out of bed?” It was Jeongin.

“Where’s Chan?” you asked.

“Uh, he’s with-

“Lewis?” you interrupt.

Jeongin swallowed.

“H-how do you know that?”

“So it’s true.”

“Y/n…” 

“You weren’t going to tell me?” your voice was getting louder.

Jeongin pulled you into Felix’s room since it was the closest. It was the only bedroom without a neutral color scheme, a dark blue on the walls. It also had a cute window seat on the far wall.

“What are -,” Felix said, caught off guard by the intrusion.

“She knows.” Jeongin deadpanned.

“Knows?” Felix asks cautiously.

“That Chan is with Lewis.” you answer, crossing your arms.

Felix’s eyes go wide, sucking in a breath.

“What happened?” you ask.

They sat you down, explaining everything they knew.

“Let me come with you.”

“You just woke up from a two-day coma.” Felix states.

“I can fight.”

Jeongin laughs.

“It’s not funny. I’ve been training too. Please! I can’t sit here and do nothing when it’s my fault in the first place.”

“It’s not your fault.” Felix gives her a look.

“If I hadn’t veered off course and ended up in your yard, they would be prisoners right now.”

“If you hadn’t ended up in our yard, you would probably be dead. Or still suffering and not knowing you had actual soulmates.” Changbin stated from the doorway.

You all turned to see the beta with his arms crossed. He wasn’t wrong…

“Minho said Doctor Quinn was going to take you somewhere safe in case they try to come here for you.” Changbin explained.

“No.” You say, standing from Felix’s bed. 

“Sorry, babe.” Changbin shrugged.

“This isn’t fair.” “It’s for your protection.” Jeongin grabbed your hand. “Please let us keep you safe.”

You look into his pleading eyes. You didn’t know if it was his cute pout or he did some alpha influence thing, but you rolled your eyes. “Fine. I’m going to shower.”

You left their room, showered and dressed within an hour. It felt nice to freshen up and put clean clothes on. Then you went over to your nightstand, taking out a notepad and pen. You decided to write a note to Minho to leave on your bed. 

Sorry boys,

I can’t let anymore of you get hurt by Lewis. 

I Love You.

You glanced one last time at your room, not knowing whether you would ever make it back. You committed it to memory and closed your door. Then you casually made your way down to the basement. Most of the hybrids were congregated in the kitchen eating. You heard the doorbell and realized it was probably the other packs coming in. But you kept going. 

The few people in the basement were asleep. So you quietly snuck past them, opening the basement door and slipping out. You hurried across the lawn, checking to make sure there wasn’t anyone up on the balcony before doing so. Once the coast was clear, you darted into the trees and hurried off towards the Nykos. 

You didn’t know how far it was to their property, but you pushed on. At least you had shoes now and proper clothes, although you probably should’ve worn pants and a sweater, not shorts and a t-shirt. The sun was beginning to set, making the air feel colder.

You pushed on, hugging yourself to keep warm. The scent in the air started to smell more familiar, flashes of your nights running away from the brothers came to mind. You pushed them away and walked forward. 

It had been an hour and the sun was nearly set. You continued on, watching your step. You followed the scent, climbing up a hill at one point. Then you notice a worn path. Looking up, you see a tree with letters carved in it - your initials. You were here. You made it back to Nyko territory. 

Now you just had to make it into the house undetected and find the boys. They would probably be in the basement like you were. The hairs on your arms and neck stood up. It was eerie being back after all this time. The memories kept threatening to creep up on you, but you focused on your mates and happy memories.

Snap.

You jump, twirling around. No one was behind you. You swear you heard a branch. Cautiously, you keep walking. It was quiet for a minute until another snap. You turn again. But this time, everything goes dark. Your hands instinctively reach for your face - a bag covering it. Muscular arms grab you and lift you up.

You scream and thrash in an effort to get away but his grip doesn’t loosen. You hear the creak of the backdoor and know that you’re now in the house. You’re thrown to the ground, bag removed. You blink at the light as your eyes adjust. Looking at the man hovering over you, you don’t recognize him. He must be from an allied pack, hence why he was guarding the border.

“Boss will be out to see you.” he grumbled, his voice deep and crackly.

You look around and notice another man standing by the outside door. You were in the living room, the basement door off by the far wall. The lock on the door was open. Perfect.

You eye the men, watching as one paces the living room. The other stands guard, looking between you and his comrade. You slowly adjust your position on the floor, subtly getting yourself closer to the door. The one who carried you pulls out his phone. You look to the other and he’s looking outside. As quietly as you can, you rush to the basement door, swinging it open.

“Hey!” the men yell after you but you’re halfway down the stairs.

That god awful smell hits you, making your eyes water. You splash in the puddles as you hurry to look in the cells. They were empty. Not even the other omegas were in here. Panic sets in as you make your way to the torture room in the back. You hear the mens’ footsteps coming down the stairs.

Please don’t be in here. Please. You think as you round the corner.

The door was wide open and you were met with an unpleasant sight.

You gasped loudly, staring at the hanging body. It was naked and covered in open wounds from torture, completely mutilated. But it wasn’t Chan.

It was Lewis.

He was dead. Alpha Lewis was dead.

Your vision started to blur and you felt lightheaded. Your stomach churned at the sight, making you lean over and vomit on the floor.

The men groaned, carrying you back upstairs. They dumped you on the floor yet again and, this time, the room started to spin. You tried to focus your vision at the sound of footsteps, but you were only met with a pair of black boots and an unfamiliar voice.

“Hello, little sis.”

TAGLIST:

@estella-novella @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @butterflydemons @readr1221 @gaby105-skz @notevenheretbh1 @bah2004 @sinfulfic @bowsnbang @just-a-blackthorn-cookie @dreamerwasfound @motheraiya55 @m00njinnie @writeuntilthebitterend @jutdwae-flower @staytinyluv @emmxxsworld @galaxy4489 @wolfo2027 @iknow-uknow-leeknow @thatgirlangelb @fr34k4c1dr41n

[octuscle]

Could you make me a jock?

I'm lost in life , and IV never been able to fulfill my dreams

Iv always wanted to play football, but it never happened

Those jocks are hot, cocky, built and horny with leaking dicks

If I could just wear the kit , I'd be happy, but to play , I'd do anything, i would obey anyone for it to come reality

Bruh, you're 22 years old now… A bit young to be having a midlife crisis already, isn't it? It's not too late to turn things around. Your job at the supermarket checkout doesn't have to be the end of your life.

Friday morning. Almost the weekend. At last. Your transformation process starts with the alarm clock ringing at 06:00. Yes, you don't actually have to get up until 07:30, but this way you can go to the gym before work in the morning. For the first few minutes, you still think it's a terrible idea. After your protein shake, you don't think it's so bad anymore. Once you're lying on the weight bench, you can't wait for your muscles to start burning.

When you open the store at 08:00, nobody is there yet. Sure, you don't open for another hour. But you're proud to be a store manager at just 24 years old. And you take your job seriously. When the first customer comes through the door, everything has to be perfect. Shortly before 09:00, everyone is in position. You check your reflection in the mirror again. Hell yes! You look hot. You've been torturing your body every day for six years. You're still mourning the missed opportunity to start exercising in high school. Maybe then you would have become a competitive athlete, maybe even a professional. As it is, you're just a damn broad man in your mid-20s.

The place is packed. Many customers come in just because of you. You're a bit of a celebrity around here. Quarterback of the local team. Some even want selfies with you or an autograph. You go back to the gym for your lunch break. You're 29 years old. You have to make the most of every opportunity if you want to stay fit. And tonight you have to get back on the field. Your team is relying on you. Your memories fade as you pump… Supermarket? Damn it, you're not a loser! You played football as a freshman in high school. Okay, you never became one of the greats… But you have over ten years as a pro behind you. Maybe you're not the fastest on the field anymore. But you can take a hell of a lot more than all the young wimps.

The photos for the new calendar are taken before the game. Like every year, you're Mr. February. The Superbowl month. The Superbowl will remain a dream. Let's see how long you'll still be active as a professional. But you don't care either. You're having a lot of fun. And when the damn photographer is finally finished, you wank into your helmet. That's good luck!

Calendar page of February has been published @maxx-magnum

[stonyponyofficial]

oh shit? whats that skanking this way? are those some more summer songs? are those some summer songs spliced seamlessly alongside some ska since Skaugust started? seems interesting, maybe u should pick em up and take a listen if u get the chance... might be the rudest sounds of the SKAmmer...

🎺spotify link ⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜ yt link🎺

notes on each ⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛ below the cut :3

Remember Summer Days - Anri: my city pop kick has not ended as you will continue to see. its the kinda shit that makes me wanna be taken on a warm evening drive. yeahh bitch i control the music and im not even driving >:3 sorry. umm also the horns make the song fit our skankin tone this time around so very well. they are like sisters <3

Car Song - Danny L Harle, MC Boing - speaking of drives! if, say, you are ever driving in a car, or perhaps playing music in a car this would be the track to signal to those around u that u are doing those things. i just love mc boing also. so much dumb hype that i cant help but follow his lead and bounce along. check out his like three other songs if u get the changce soun

Death Grips is Online - Death Grips: i was looking at my 'summer rewind' on spotify and this was apparently a death grips song i had listened to a lot a few years ago just without getting into any more death grips after that? it makes sense tho i was listening to a lot of igor of tyler the creator fame around that time. i was probably like ooooh this has that hard cunchy igor bass i like. and was like 😂 what the heck is the rest of their stuff tho seriously tihs is craazy 😂. probably is how i was like back then. tch. fool.

Flaunt It/Cheap - Rae Sremmurd: amen break waveform tattooed on my forehead running up to u voice HEY U SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG THEY. HEY> THEY RAP OVER AN AMEN BREAK ITS GOOD. okay thats misleading they only do that for a bit but after that the flow is very amen break inspired..but then beat switch thats still very good i love a good beat switch and all.... i just wish he kept spitting over that pure amen break sample. paws in pockets kicking the dirt as i walk away.....

Helium - Ecco2k (Drain Gang Archives): comes back excitedly to talk about draing gang ^w^. this time around our drain gang entrance is actually a bootleg posted by a drain gang leak aggregator on spotify. in case u were wonering this is probably the best of those unreleased/leaked songs ........... ecco's voice fits this song so well with all his falsetto stuff (get it it's like helihey it's like a helium balloon get it his voice it's hifh) but he also does that on his other songs bc he's a beautiful angel. GOd and his pouty fucking sighs in the chorus god i just wann[

Merlin's Staff - Ski Mask The Slump God: as i posted about before i love me some ski mask :) i hadnt listened to a lot of his new stuff until i watched his most recent interview with nardwuar. it is from here that i found this song bc ski mask references nardy on the track. HOWEVER. i would be remiss if i did not talk about my favorite lyric from this song that ive refrained from just posting as is. makes me GIGGLE every goddamn time.

"On the go like Mario, drive in a kart

Lisa Simpson, her head sharp"

now he does bring this back around to be a joke about her "giving brain" but just that line alone with the cadence gets stuck in my head. Li. sa. Simp. son. Her. Head. Sharp.

Morning Bell - Radiohead: speaking of... head? been catching up with ol mr. head recently on account of people i know whose music opinions i trust liking his tunes a lot (hai :3) this is My preferred morning bell btw.... for u music perverts out there who wanna know (hai :3) .... the drum groove is irresistible and the piano feels so cooold. cmon its in 5/4.... like im sorry to those whom i may have disappointed i do like amnesiac morning bell it feels a lot eerier.. yet brighter with all the bells? and the 'release me's in that one are very pretty but. kid a morning bell 👍

your clothes - Jane Remover: still havent listened to new jane BUT i have gone back to revisit old stuff i hadnt listened to in a while. upon listening to this one i was reminded Wow! Jane just doesn't miss! so congrats to Jane the Remover on being the only artist to have never left some songs thus far. may ur reign be long.

Last Summer Whisper - Anri: i leave you with this. the last whisper of summer. the last whisper of my city pop kick. the last whisper of some songs until fall right guys? do u guys hear a train?

⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️

⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️⬜️⬛️

Train to Skaville (Live) - The Selecter: ALLLLLLLLL ABOOOOOOOAAAARRRD. THIS TRAIN. IS BOUND. FOR. SKAVILLE!!!!!!!!! wait oh shit i can't leave yet i have a train to catch 😳someone made a joke to me last year about this song (i believe it was in September they said 'the train to skaville has left the station') and i straight up didnt get it at the time bc i was kind of a poser skahead when i made my skaugust post eheh nervous laughs bc i pretended to know it in that post ehehe ^^ . i do believe in ska fans beliefs (that ska is good, and anticapitalism probably) i just didnt know much about it besides like stupid horse did it that one time and that post about a kid getting an extra mozz stick.. anyway fast forward one year this fucking song is the idle music in my head. i pretend to be that funky ass bass on this song a lot too hehe. there are MANT live versions of this song on yt so i chose the most fitting one for the playlist but the one ive been listening to is the spotify one -w-

Superman - Goldfinger - this is the archetypal ska song to me. and u know why. that fucking post about that kid getting an extra mozzarella stick and ska plays in his head. from uo there ^. this is the song on that post. this is like capital s Ska to me. u know how people associate dnb with really slick games u grind on rails and skate/snowboard in. make the main character 12 and sucking ass on his first shitty skateboard rolling around his neighborhood and the soundtrack is now ska. only this song actually. it is good tho is the important thing

Never Meant - Skatune Network, JER:

.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - Skatune Network, JER:

.

Come on Eileen - Save Ferris:

.

Take On Me - Reel Big Fish: what can i say im a sucker for a ska cover? SKA-ver. heh so true

Old SKrAp - Jeff Rosenstock: i believe jeff rosenstock has done other things which i will get to eventually like all things but i know him specifically for having made an album called No Dream (that i... havent listened to :/) which released in 2020 (05/20 specifically). and then.. on 04/20 of 2021 (!!!!!!!!!!! WEEED WEED ITS WEED) he released Ska Dream, which, of course, is a complete reworking of No Dream but to be Ska instead. the original title of this song is Old Crap which they still sing in the song i just love how they put SKA into the title. all of them are like this btw.

stupid horse - 100 gecs: the OG. also s/o aimkid amv. s/o all aimkid amvs but thats beside the point. there was a point in 100 gecstory that there were maybe only a few interviews they did after 1000 gecs and ofc not many live performance videos besides minecraft festival screen recordings and maybe one video of a show from the secret tour. but there was an interview from skullcandy of all places with an accompanying live performance of stupid horse that i rewatched sevreal times :) ......... i thought the neon green and yellow set pieces and outfits were cool ok??? anyway fucking stupid horse yeah a swordfish dancer spend my money on a fishnet carousel go go go go goin so fast now go go go go goin so fast now.

Frog On The Floor - 100 gecs: and then they did it again :)

I Got My Tooth Removed - 100 gecs: and did it again :)

Two-By-Four-And-A-Half - Thee Goblins: as i said before ive been narding it up recently with some nardwuar interviews. my favorite thing about him is his elusiveness as like. a guy who does things besides being nardwuar. and my favorite story about him doing other things is that on his quest to interviewing kurt cobain, he tried talking to dave grohl and somehow dave recognized nardwuar from a band he's in (this band Thee Goblins :3). but the band wears masks when they perform so u cant see its nardwuar. and he still knew it was him without the mask and i guess felt enough respect for nardwuar in that moment to decide to get him an in with kurt, which did come to fruition BTW. anyway this song is a SKA SONG by NARDWUAR himself.... this isn't on the yt playlist unfortch but there is a good video of the nardman himself and others as thee goblins.

Ska Sucks - Big D and the Kids Table: found this one while just ska-ouring ska-tify for more ska. and idk theres just something in a good subversive title (and lyrics if u venture to take a listen >w< ).anyway this ska doesn't suck its quite good actually :) this is a theme in ska if u could not tell. being quite good not sucking. sorry if that was unclear.

yyyaWWWn ummmmmmmn.. okay This is ewher i leave u.. with all the skanking ive been doing i believe ive kicked up a month long ska storm... but i hear there are some pretty rude winds forecasted to come in later today so oerhaps keep ur ears to the wind on that front 😳... um anyway peels off in my car i am sooooo licensed to operate leaving u behind with this helpful guidento steer your path. and this, thjs last SKA-mmer whisper, is how ill leave u until fall music fans :3 <3

[rockinmyownboat]

Vindieziel Wooksvagen:

The Nazi Pinata

There's a phrase i use all the time to encapsulate those insane moments when life spirals out of control like a freebasing pimp on the freeway. When life is on its way to smack me, fuck me and steal my money, i just bend over, smile and say,

"It is what it is."

I love it. You literally can't say anything more. Complain all you want, but what good will it do?

It is. What it is.

Heres an example of a great use of this timeless classic.

I bought a used car. Its A jetta TDI. Its a great drive. Fast as hell. Powerful. Handles like a fucking dream, the way that fine German cars are designed to. You could take this thing on the autobahn and it would cling to every curve like silk on a supermodel.

The car has been running great, mechanically, which is EXACTLY what i wanted. I prayed for that. I asked God for it.

I said, "God, give me A mechanically sound car that hauls ass. And please give me a ripped guardian angel who can keep up. I can install my own stereo deck. Amen"

And i left it at that.

God answers prayers.

With a sense of humor.

This spunky little German is my Nazi pinata. Just one bad surprise after another.

Here's the conversation that's been going through my head every day for the last 4 days since Snowmageddon '23 besieged the citizens of Portland.

I preface this with the fact that ive owned this car less than 2 months.

Me: Gosh...Driving around on a tire steadily leaking is bad enough. Now i have to do it on ice, like... what the fuck am i? a German figure skater with a burst breast implant?

wait .... i can pump it up ....i have a portable air compressor. Im good there....

There we go. Tires pumped. Im as pumped as my tire. Pump up the jams, and Lets go. Driving a diesel on ice makes me feel like im on Ice Road Truckers.

BRING IT ONNNN....

>a few minutes later, staring at the low tire air indicator on the dash, while slipping and sliding down thick sheets of ice that were streets yesterday<

Inner voice : Change the bloody tire...?

Me: Well... i can't.... there's........ no tire places open ... everything's Frozen ... gotta let it go...

IV: You have a bloody spare, you idiot! You could change your own tire, right??? You're as worthless as pig shit on an oil pan aren't you??

Me: Well no ... I'm not .... i could change my own tire...

>lightbulb< I have a spare! SAVED!!!

... wait ....

oh no ....

IV: Where in the bloody hell is the sodding tire jack???

Me: ummm ......

Damn.

IV: Well shit to that idea. Good thing you thought to check for that at the dealership when you bought the car, you fuckin muppet!

Me, somewhat frazzled: Okay, but i got roadside assistance? ATT? Farmers? AAA???? They could come out to put the spare on for me... yes! Ill call them! One of them HAS to be able to make this happen ....

IV: Ha!! Guess what? They have the EXACT BLOODY SAME service provider pool. No responses to level 2 requests. Emergencies only. Blizzard trumps all like its trying to make Oregon less than great again. Foiled again!

>this is where i start slowly breaking down as my inner Chef Ramsay lets loose with a tirade<

Oh hey, don't forget the check engine lights still on, and it will beep incessantly like a digital chinese water torture device.

>anxiety reaching critical levels<

And the driver side handle is still busted from the LAST ice storm, so good luck on those contortionist skills. Every day, you'll open up the driver side door through the back door, from the inside...

Get creative and think thin, you chunky monkey.

Lets add 14 inches of ice and snow to add a degree of coordination challenges as you're trying to get on the road for work, Slippy mcLegstretchy

>anxiety at maximum capacity<

As you settle in with broken seat warmers, take some more snow and smile as you choke on it.

Mother Natures on the rag and you're her bloody tampon.

>critical point reached. Its time to scream<

As i slide down an icy urban Slip'n'Slide, im minnowing back behind a city bus doing a fishtail -- wait no ... i guess its a whale-tail....

...lets be accurate....

...I think to myself .... it is what it is.

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 2

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: Smut 18+ only please

--

When Bucky made it up to your shared room he slowly and silently opened the door. You were sitting on your bed, your back facing the door, but he could tell you were crying by the shaking of your shoulders. It broke his heart to see you so upset.

He closed the door behind him and walked over to sit next to you. He wrapped his metal arm around your waist and pulled you into his embrace. You then openly sobbed into his chest. Bucky caressed your back and kissed you on the head, allowing you to cry.

When you started to calm down you sighed deeply, sniffed, and said, “Are you going to break up with me now?”

Bucky’s heart completely broke. He put his finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him. “No, baby. Of course not. I love you. I love you so much! Why would you think that?” He asks.

“Because before we started dating you told me about Dot and how much she meant to you. You were going to propose when you got home from the war. Well here is your chance to live the life you wanted with the girl you wanted,” you say as tears again start to leak from your eyes.

“Baby, I’m not the same man I was then. Yes, I still have love for Dot, but I’m so madly in love with you. I promise,” he said, kissing your forehead, nose, and then lips.

“I’m going to help Dot become acclimated to the world now, and help her settle. But I promise I will always be here for you, ok?” He asks.

You nod, feeling slightly better. “I love you,” you say.

“I love you too. I’ve gotta get down to the lab. I promised Dot I would be down there with her. But I won’t be long,” he says before kissing you again and then leaving.

You sit and wait for him, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. But after 4 hours you give up on him and go to sleep. You hope that he will keep his word on still loving you. You don’t want to lose him. You love him too much.

- -

1 month later

Over the last several weeks, you’ve only seen Bucky’s about a handful of times. He’s always off with Dot, helping her learn the ways of today, and helping her deal with her “trauma”. Every time he tries to give you a little time she always calls for him saying how upset she is or that she’s about to have a panic attack. You try and be understanding but at the same time it’s really starting to annoy you.

One of the worst things is that he barely even sleeps with you anymore. This morning you woke up to an empty bed, yet again, and head downstairs for breakfast. When you got down to the common room you heard the sound of Dot’s giggles and saw her sitting on the couch with Bucky, her feet on his lap. At that point you lost your appetite, so you went up to the roof instead.

After an hour you hear the door to the roof open as you’re staring off into the distance. You feel arms wrapped around your waist as a stubble chin rest on your shoulder. You decide to ignore him and continue staring off into the distance and several thoughts past of your mind.

“Was looking for you,” Bucky said as he kissed your shoulder. “Why you up here all alone?”

You sigh, “well I’m used to being alone a lot these days. And I guess I didn’t feel like sitting there watching you and Dot flirt in the common room,“ you say annoyed.

You hear him sigh behind you as he puts his forehead on your shoulder. “I know, and I’m so sorry that I haven’t been around much. I’m just trying to do my best to help her,” He said.

“I promise I’ll try and do better at managing my time so that I can spend more time with my girl,“ he says as he kisses the back of your head and trails kisses all the way down to your neck.

He turns you around in his arms and rests his forehead on yours. Before you know it you are both swaying to no music, until Bucky starts singing your song. You wrap your arms around his neck as you both slow dance to your song as Bucky sings. When he finishes you kiss him passionately.

“Tonight we will have date night. No Dot, no interruptions, just you, me, and that new lingerie you bought a few weeks ago,” he says as he continues to sway you.

You smile widely at the thought of spending a night alone with your boyfriend. “Oh Bucky, that sounds amazing! I’ve missed you so much, and I get what your doing, but it’s hard,” you say.

“I know. I’ve been neglecting you and it ends now. You are my priority, not Dot. And I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. Tonight,” he says.

You kiss him in reply.

- -

Later that night, after dinner and another bout of dancing, you come out of the bathroom with your new lingerie set. You stand in the doorway staring at your half naked boyfriend. Bucky’s eyes darken with lust as he starts to stalk towards you like a lion about to pounce.

“You look good enough to eat, baby,” he says huskily. He then pulls you into his arms with a searing kiss.

He leads you to the bed and throws you on it, before jumping on top, connecting your lips again. His hand travels down to your core and he moves your panties to the side, putting pressure on your clit. He starts rubbing at an intensely fast pace, making you lose your breath. Very quickly he pulls your first orgasm from you.

Before you come back to earth you feel your new panties being ripped from you, as well as the bra. Bucky loved to rip your underwear all the time. He kissed his way down your stomach to your wet core and dove in. Your back arched off the bed.

“Oh my god, Bucky!” You moaned as your hand pulled his hair.

He then stuck two metal fingers into you and started pumping. You knew it wouldn’t be long now. You couldn’t stand the amazing sensation of his fingers and tongue. You started to feel the build up of pressure in your belly.

“Bucky! I’m going to cum,” you cry as you again orgasm on his face.

After a moment Bucky kisses his way back up your lips. You taste yourself on his tongue, which makes you wetter, if that’s possible. “You are the best thing I have ever tasted, Doll. Truly exquisite,” he says.

He then pulls off his pants and boxers before lining up with you. He slowly starts to push in, which feels amazing. After a moment he completely bottoms out in you. He kissed you, and just as he is about to thrust, you are both interrupted by FRIDAY.

“Sergeant Barnes, Ms. Jones is requesting to see you sir,” she says.

Bucky groans into your neck, “Tell her I’m busy and we’ll talk in the morning,” he says.

“I’m sorry sir, but she appears to be having a panic attack and having trouble breathing,” FRIDAY says.

“Shit,” Bucky says as he pulls out of you and grabs his sweats. He looks at you guiltily, “I’m sorry. I’ll be back in 10 minutes tops, and then we can finish what we started,” he says before running out the door.

You stare at the door as it closes in shock. He just left you in the middle of sex for his ex. What the hell! You lay there and wait, but after 2 hours you decide to get dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. You take your ruined lingerie and throw it out. You lay back on your bed thinking about how you will have a stern discussion when he comes back.

Before you know it, another 2 hours go by and it’s the middle of the night. You’re more than angry, now you are hurt. You grab your pillow and your blanket and leave your shared room with Bucky, and head to your old room. After locking the door, you inform FRIDAY not to let anyone, especially Bucky in. You climb into bed and allow a few tears before falling asleep.

- -

Bucky woke up the next morning disoriented. When he realized he was still in Dot’s room he panicked. After he finally got Dot to calm down last night he went to leave but Dot begged him to stay until she fell asleep. He must have dozed off too. He quickly got out of the bed and quietly exited the room.

Steve was coming down the hall and saw Bucky’s coming out of Dot’s room. “ why are you in Dot‘s room?” Steve asked.

“She had a panic attack last night and I came to calm her down and fell asleep. Y/N is going to be so pissed at me,” Bucky said.

“Wasn’t last night date night?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded, “Yea and Dot interrupted right in the middle of sex. I left Y/N there naked on the bed like a jackass,” Bucky said angrily.

“You left her in the middle of sex to deal for your ex!? Why didn’t you ask me to deal with it?” Steve yelled.

“I don’t know. Dot says she only feel comfortable with me. I’m just trying to help her. But I’m going to lose my girl in the process. I’ll talk to Dot later about it, but things have to change. I can’t keep ignoring my girl,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded, “Yeah, we’ll good luck with talking to her after last night,” he said before slapping Bucky’s shoulder and leaving.

Bucky sighed and went to your shared room, only to see that you weren’t there. He checked the kitchen, common room, roof, gym, and lab but couldn’t find you. The last place he went was to your old bedroom. He found the door locked, which told him he found you.

“FRIDAY, can you please open the door?” He asked the AI.

“I’m sorry Sergeant Barnes. But I was requested by Agent Y/L/N to not let anyone, especially you in,” FRIDAY said.

Bucky’s heart dropped. He really messed up.

- -

Chapter 1 / Chapter 3

A lot happening in this chapter. Bucky being stupid, but at least he is aware. Now can he fix it? will the reader let him? And what else will Dot do? Feedback is appreciated!

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Story Taglist: @afuckingshituniverse @wintrfld 

[localdorkincombatboots]

Sadly I am back again. Hello friends, I made a few posts before asking for help and now I sadly have to again. We have been trying to force our truck to go back and forth to work everyday to earn money for everything and we think the head has cracked and somethings wrong with the fuel pump because it keeps leaking transmission fluid and barely wants to pick up and go and wont go past 60 now. Boyfriends cancer is still horrible and literally killing him and has cause him to take more days off here and there cause hes literally puking blood.

My hours have been cut at work and i just applied for somewhere that pays a bit more and is close enough to walk to. We are still really struggling because in our struggles to keep going and keep up with everything that seriously never stops happening, more stuff continues to happen. Boyfriend has also fallen again and finished off the break in his L3 and we're at the point that the only reason why he's physically able to still force himself to get up and work with a broken back is because he's literally been to war and in several other situations that leave you with no choice but to shove it all down and try to force forwards.

All of this has been going on for a long time now and we have been mostly making it, albeit very closely, but now his work didnt put two of his days on his check and while theyve told us that it will be on the next one, we needed every penny of that one in order to make it to the next check. Now we have less than an 8th of a tank of gas and not only does he work in the next county, we also really need diapers and dinner and help catching up a couple of bills please if anyone can help.

We literally have 2 dollars to try to survive until friday the 6th and even then were still going to be really behind because my boyfriend is literally dying and ends up having to call in at least once a week at this point because his symptoms are so bad its more than he can force through at times. Anything that we could pawn has already been taken up there a month ago and we're going to lose all of that very soon too but obviously thats no where near the top of our priority list because everything else takes precedence by far. I know ive had to ask for help a few times now but honestly we still have a roof over our heads at the moment and we are still going to our jobs as much as physically possible but cancer, his literally broken back, the truck breaking down repeatedly, trying to take care of two kids under two in addition to an elderly mil with Alzheimer's being only one of her many medical conditions, and everything else that seriously keeps happening every day, are each extreme struggles and trying to keep up with all of them at the same time is near impossible but we are trying so hard. Please, if anyone can please help or at least share this, youd literally be helping save my family.

P*ypal: crackerjaxx7@gmail.com

V*nmo: jayep7

C*shapp: jayep7

[boygirlmeetsworld]

Something in the Way You Move… Makes Me Feel Like I Can’t Live Without You.

Disclaimer: One piece and all it’s characters belong to Eiichiro Oda, I just like to write about them.

ONE-SHOT.

Rating: T

Author’s Note: For @marimoandtangerine on Tumblr as a part of @zonamievents secret santa holiday event!

Takes place when Nami is sick right before they land on Drum Island, after Zoro tells Luffy to go check it out & theres a few minutes where he's alone with her.

also I'm sorry this is late & if its not not that great, Ive been in the process of moving & i had a really hard time writing something that's not smut bc im a heinous trash raccoon lmfao

Summary: He’d even noticed her wince when a bug bit her back on Little Garden. He’d believed her when she said it was nothing.

AO3 link.

‘How many times had he tried to convince himself that he didn't care for her?

She was too bossy. Too full of herself. Too greedy. There were a hundred and ten different reasons for him not to give a fuck about her. Maybe more!

But... as the days passed, and he spent more time with her, he began to notice things that he found really endearing.

Like - her patience with children, and how gently she treated them. Her ability to predict a storm by a slight change in air pressure. Her sense of loyalty. Her crafty, witty nature. Her smile. Her laughter...’

Zoro could hear Luffy chattering about the island that had just been spotted, but he was too lost inside of his own head to say anything more than, “Just go. I've got it covered.”

‘Before he knew it he was taking naps near her chair. Having drinking competitions to see which of them had the best tolerance. Listening affectionately while she explained something complicated about the weather and the ocean.

And lately, every time he thought about her his stomach twisted into knots. His chest burned like he’d been pierced with a branding iron. Sometimes when they drank together he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to touch her.

He’d tell himself over, and over, and over again that the only reason he thought about doing something so stupid was the alcohol. Not because he was attracted to her. Or because he liked her...’

His gaze turned to Nami now, and his forehead wrinkled in a small, confused frown. A little voice in the back of his head told him he could lie till he was blue in the face but that wouldn’t change the fact that he was falling for her.

‘After all, his instincts had been honing in on her since the day they’d met. He became hyper-aware of anything that might threaten her. If she was in danger of being harmed he felt like his heart would burst through his rib cage if he couldn’t protect her.

He’d even noticed her wince when a bug bit her back on Little Garden. He’d believed her when she said it was nothing...

But now she was lying in bed struggling to breathe. Her fever hadn’t gone down in days. Vivi had told them if they didn’t get her treated soon, there was a very good chance that she could die.’

The swordsman swallowed the stinging lump that had formed in his throat and forced back tears that wanted to leak from their ducts.

‘He didn’t like to think about the way he would feel if she were taken from him. It reminded him too much of Kuina... and of a bad dream from long ago that felt all too real. About a woman with eyes like his that he didn’t have the power to save.

He never wanted to experience the way part of his soul died along with the people he cared about ever again. He chose to keep anyone he met at a distance, that way their loss couldn’t hurt him. Alone he had nothing to worry about except himself.

Then he’d met Nami, and the rest of their little crew - and they turned his world upside down. He’d been doing such a good job protecting his heart but against all odds she had found a place within it. And now.. If this disease took her because he couldn't protect her...

He was sure that it’d break him-‘

Distracted by the sound of footsteps pounding across the deck above him, Zoro shook his head somewhat violently to break his thoughts up.

‘Fuck,’ he pushed off the wall and moved over to the navigator, bracing his hand on the mattress by her pillow. ‘He didn’t want to lose her - he didn’t even want to think about it anymore because it was making him feel sick.’

“We’re gonna get you fixed up real soon,” the swordsman said quietly as he bent over her, and kissed the space between her eyes. He lingered there for a beat before continuing, “You sit tight, okay?” As he drew back, a tender expression overtook his face that he wasn’t aware of. He lightly traced his way from her cheek bone to her jaw with the backs of his knuckles.

‘He didn’t believe in gods, but he felt half inclined to pray that this island had a doctor who could help them. He really, really needed her to be okay. He just... he wasn't strong enough to grieve for another person.

Not one that he, whether he admitted it or not, loved so deeply.'

[k-llama-llama]

Snap Shot

SuperM/WayV AU: 8th member

YinYin x SuperM/WayV/NCT

YinYin's back injury makes a rather abrupt appearance. 

A/N:ALSO FYI check out my patreon (patreon.com/kllamallama for exclusive posts!)

Requests are Open…and your feedback is still super important to me.

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

“Lucas! You’re up.”

YinYin glanced in the mirror, watching as her group mate walked over for his turn in front of the camera.

“What do you think they’ll have him do?” Taeil asked her. He was leaning against her dressing table, chatting as she finished having her makeup done.

“I don’t know. Flash his abs?” YinYin proposed. 

“I think the stylists forgot to give him a shirt.” Taeil laughed.

“He’s probably loving it.” YinYin smiled as the makeup artist moved away, letting her get up from the chair. 

They were doing the solo shots portion of a group photoshoot, and it was chaos with everyone there. They were all getting solo photos taken, some more standard ones and then some showing off their individual skills.

“You’d better get ready to bend yourself in half.” Taeil told her. “That’s probably going to be your special pose.”

“Urgh, I know.” YinYin tried to bend down and touch her toes. Her back had been feeling particularly tight for a few days, and even now, as she bent down to touch her toes, a sharp pain protested the movement.

“YinYin!”

“It’s my turn.” She stood, trying to stretch out.

She stepped onto the photo set, quickly getting into position. The first few minutes were just the standard photos, tilting her head, hand on her hip, normal posing type of stuff. She was wearing a pair of black dress pants and a black bandeau top. Her hair was up in a high pony tail, and she had red heels on her feet. Honestly the entire look felt very sleek and mature, and she was sure that the photos would look great.

“YinYin, can we get you with you leg in the air, like we showed in the meeting?” The shoot director asked.

“Are you alright to do that in heels?” Taeyong leaned around from where him and Johnny were looking at the monitor.

“Sure.” YinYin swallowed. “The heels won’t be a problem.”

It was true, the heels weren’t a problem. She couldn’t do flips in them, but any sort of standing position would be fine. The actual issue was going to be her back. She might have been hallucinating, but it felt like her back seized up a little at the thought of it.

“Right, ready?” She took a step back, bracing her right leg.

“Whenever you are.”

YinYin relaxed her face, and then kicked her left leg up behind her, reaching to grab it with her hands. For a split second, it was okay.

And then her back erupted in pain.

She dropped her leg, feeling her right leg crumple underneath her and she went down. She land on her side, trying to breathe through what felt like stabbing pains all through her back.

“See, I told you the heels weren’t a good idea.” Taeyong said. “Yin, you good?”

She didn’t respond. The edges of her vision felt fuzzy.

“Yinnie?” Johnny stood from his seat, stepping around the cameras. “Are you okay?”

YinYin tried to turn her head to look at him, and pain exploded down her back. Her vision was blinded by a white hot flash of excruciating pain, and she thought she heard a scream, but couldn’t tell if it was coming from her.

“Yinnie, Yinnie look at me.” She felt a hand on her waist - heard Taeyong’s voice next to her ear. “Yin, you have to tell us what’s happening.”

She couldn’t think straight, couldn’t form the words to respond.

“Liu Guanyin,” Kun was next to her, speaking in Chinese. “Just tell me where it hurts, okay?”

“My back.” She managed to choke out.

“It’s her back.” Kun translated. 

“Her back?” Taeyong seemed confused. “What’s wrong with her back?”

“It gets kind of sore, but she-”

“She was getting physiotherapy for it.” Jisung said. “She told me once, after she did a move and it hurt her.”

“Okay, okay,” Taeyong seemed to be thinking. “An ambulance will come and it will be fine. You’re going to be fine, Yinnie.”

“It hurts to breathe.” She said quietly, unsure of what language she was speaking. Every breath she took seemed to spark up another burst of pain. When she opened her eyes, she could see the floor and a bit of someone’s knee, but she was terrified of trying to move again.

“Yinnie?” A face descended into her line of vision, Lucas laying down on the floor so she could see him. “You’re okay?”

“No.” She said. Something wet got into her eye, and she realized she was crying.

“Help is coming, okay? You’re going to be okay.” He wiped her tears away.

YinYin felt like she couldn’t pull enough air into her lungs, and every breath she took just added to her pain. Of course she would be having a panic attack right now.

“I think I’m....” She searched for the words as her vision clouded over. “gonna...pass...” The world went dark.

“Yinnie!” Lucas tapped her cheek. “Yin?” He went to shake her shoulder, but Kun pushed him away. 

“Don’t move her, we don’t want to make anything worse.” Kun advised. “She’s going to be fine.”

The managers rushed in, leading the paramedics right to her, and they all took a step back as YinYin was put in a neck brace and strapped to a stretcher.

“Did you know she was getting treatment for her back?” Taeyong whispered to Kun.

Kun shrugged. “She’s an athlete. She’s always getting physio for something. I didn’t know there was something that wrong.”

“It’s from Weekly Idol.” Lucas said quietly, watching carefully as an oxygen was put on her face. “When they pushed her leg too far.”

“This is insane.” Taeyong pushed them back to let the stretcher wheel past. “How did no one realize?”

“She doesn’t exactly respond to pain like a normal person.” Lucas frowned. 

“She was screaming.” Kun’s heart dropped. “We need to....we need to meet her at the hospital.”

“I want to come to.” Lucas said quickly.

“Me too.”

Taeyong glanced around. All of the boys would be willing to go to the hospital, but 21 people was a lot for any hospital room to handle.

“I’ll go, with Lucas and Kun.” He decided. “And we’ll call you guys if something changes.”

“We’ll wait up.” Johnny nodded. “Go.”

They’d been at the hospital for a few hours, waiting as the doctors debated over what to do with YinYin. The three of them had been sitting in the hallway, looking up every time a doctor left the room.

“The news is out.” Kun said quietly, holding up a phone screen. “Someone from the photoshoot must have leaked it.”

“Let the company deal with it.” Lucas said. “That’s not really that important right now.”

“Exactly. I’m sure the company will-” Taeyong’s phone started to ring. “Sorry, I’ll just see who this is.”

He didn’t recognize the number, but he stood as he answered it, going to lean on the opposite wall.

“Hello?”

“Is this Taeyong?” It was a male voice, but Taeyong was becoming more and more certain that it was a sasaeng by the second.

“Um yes. Who is this? Because this really isn’t a good time.”

“Are you with Guanyin?” The guy asked. 

Taeyong blinked. “Uh, just give me one second.”

He covered the receiver, turning to talk to the others. “Who do we know who calls YinYin Guanyin?”

“Her parents?” Lucas offered.

Taeyong shook his head. “He sounds younger than that.”

“Is he Korean? I can’t think of anyone.”

Taeyong shrugged, going back to the phone. “Sorry, who am I speaking to?”

“Oh sorry, it’s Jeon Jungkook.”

Taeyong blinked twice. “Come again?”

“Jeon Jungkook. Listen, I got your number from Jaehyun but is Guanyin okay? He couldn’t give me a straight answer and said you’d know-”

“How do you know YinYin?”

“We’re dating.” Jungkook said matter-of-factly. “Is she alright?”

“I’ll be right back.” Taeyong turned again, covering the receiver.

“Either of you know anything about YinYin dating?”

Lucas and Kun both nodded.

“Yeah, for about a month now? Maybe more.”

“Why, is that her boyfriend?” Lucas exclaimed. “She still hasn’t told us who it is.”

“Right, well that’s probably because it’s a BTS member.”

“WHAT!”

Taeyong turned back to the phone.

“She’s with doctors right now. We don’t really know what’s happening.”

“But you guys are going to stay there with her? Or do you want me to-”

“It’s already kind of a media frenzy.” Taeyong advised. “But we’ll keep you posted?”

“Yes, please.” Jungkook sounded relieved. “This is my number, so just call or text me. And let me know if you guys need anything.”

“We will. Thank you.” Taeyong held up the phone.

Lucas snatched the phone, trying to identify the caller. “Who the hell is she dating?”

“I should probably let her tell you guys.” Taeyong took his phone back. “But she has a lot of-”

“Kwon Yerim?”

“Yes! That’s us!” Kun turned to the doctor as he stepped through the door. “Is she alright?”

“She has a micro-fracture to the spine. It would have been an issue in the long-term, but she re-broke it today.”

“What does that mean?” Taeyong asked.

“It’s actually a good thing.” The doctor explained. “It means that now we can brace it and let it heal properly. There will be a rest period, but there shouldn’t be any reason that she doesn’t make a full recovery.”

“Is she awake? Can we see her?”

“Of course. Go right ahead.”

They waited until the doctor and two nurses had filed out of the room, and then they hurried through the doors. 

YinYin was lying flat on her back, a brace around her middle. Her hair was still in the pony tail from the shoot, but she’d been changed into a hospital outfit. The shirt was rolled up to expose her stomach and the brace.

“How are you feeling?” Taeyong asked gently.

“Pretty good.” YinYin lifted her arm, showing off her IV. “They gave me pain meds.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us how bad your back was.” Kun poked her on the nose. “You scared us.”

“Sorry. I thought I had it handled.” She frowned. “I didn’t expect it to be so bad.”

“Well, you need to-”

“Whatever, her back is fine.” Lucas cut them off. “You want to tell us which member of BTS you’re dating?”

YinYin’s eyes widened. “How did you find out? Does the press know?”

“He phoned Taeyong to see how you were and he won’t tell us who it is. So now you have to, before I murder you.” Lucas informed her.

“Oh, it’s Jungkook.” She looked at Taeyong. “He called?”

“Yeah. He was worried so you should call him when you-”

“You have been dating him for a month and we’re just finding out now?” Lucas exclaimed. “He drove a red sports car to pick you up and you didn’t tell me who it was?”

“It didn’t seem important.” YinYin shrugged, and then winced. “Ow.”

“I hope it hurts. I can’t believe you kept this secret from me.” Lucas sat down at the foot of the bed, and smacked her leg. 

“Let’s talk about why he calls you by your full name.” Kun laughed. “That’s adorable.”

“I am in the hospital right now and you guys want to talk about my boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Lucas and Kun said together.

Taeyong cleared his throat. “I know my Chinese isn’t the best, but it sounded like he kind of pronounced it wrong?”

YinYin smiled. “Yeah, he’s horrible at it. But he doesn’t know that so don’t tell him.”

“I’m so mad at you.” Lucas smacked her again. “You have a boyfriend that is completely out of your league and you didn’t tell me. How dare you call yourself my best friend?”

“Hey, she’s out of his league.” Kun protested.

“And I’ve never said I was your best friend.” YinYin shook her head. 

“Whatever, can you just ask him if I can drive his car?”

YinYin turned her head to look at Taeyong. “Can you please make it stop? I’m sick and in the hospital and they’re bullying me.”

Taeyong shook his head with a smile. “I want to see the car too.”

[boogiewrites]

Never Break the Chain Pt 5

Part 5 of 5

Characters: Javier Peña x OFC

Summary:  Reunited after their deadly close encounter. They finally have time to ask the right questions and give honest answers.

Warnings/Tags: Sexual Content. Lover’s reunited. Confessions of Love. 

Getting shot was never part of the plan, but it was always an option she had to consider. She was already marked and scarred, not the first time she'd been shot, but the first time in the shoulder. Needless to say, it fucking hurt.

Staggering, bloody through the streets was awkward enough, being shirtless turned it into a circus attraction. She had to shove with her good arm through concerned passersby and made her way as quickly as she could to her bike. It was a good trek, but far away from the action. She had a jacket in the side bag, and that had one problem fixed. The other, a much larger one was leaking out of her sleeve and throbbing through her entire body every time she moved, which was as little as she could manage. Being the sinful girl scout she was, she was always prepared, which meant knowing where she could go if she was shot. It was always a smart move to have blackmail on a veterinarian. She wobbly directed her bike with only one truly useful arm and braced herself for a very painful experience.

-------------

As soon as his eyes opened in the hospital room, he was being asked questions. The last thing you want to do after losing so much blood and being shot with surgery on top of that was be interrogated. But here he was. After giving his signature attitude that no supervisor had ever enjoyed dealing with, he was left alone. He finally knew some peace after a week or so, laying with eyes closed, healing up well he was told, now waiting out infection just to be safe. He’d never passed out from blood loss before, and he would be lying if he didn’t feel every second his age while he had been in the hospital. The bare walls and sterile fixtures didn’t help make him feel any warmer or comfortable. The pain medicine in his IV did though.

Murphy comes in, an eyebrow raised and a grunt in response to the appearance of his partner was given in acknowledgment.

“I know. I look like shit.” Javi smarts, adjusting himself to sit more upright, a pull in his side still noticeable but no longer grating.

“If you’re aware of that I guess that marks off one of my theories.”

“You? Have a theory?” Javi snarks, leaning back, propped up and hands across his stomach.

“I thought you might’ve had brain damage.” Murphy grins. “Claiming you didn’t know who that woman was we saw.”

“You didn’t say anything did you?”

“Don’t insult me, man.”

“Good.”

“They’re pretty fuckin’ annoyed with you right now.” the observation draws a chuckle from Murphy.

“Good. They’re only going to get more mad.”

“I can see why you’d wanna protect her though.”

A raised eyebrow was all that was needed to ask a question.

“They not tell you about anything that happened after you passed out?”

There's a pause as a wave of subdued anger rises on Javi’s face.

“I got to ya first. I peek over the edge of the roof and there she was…” he holds his arms out, a dramatic retelling for no other reason than to take his sweet time and annoy his partner. “You sure can pick ‘em Javi. She was standing there like some Colombian centerfold with no shirt on, hair all wild. I would’ve thought I’d just interrupted you two having a good time if I didn’t know better.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Shirtless?”

“Still had her bra on. Unfortunately.” Steve huffs out a laugh at him and the annoying twitch in Javi’s crow’s feet. “She made her shirt into a tourniquet for you, man. It was ripped and holding your guts in. You’ve got to thank that pretty little lady for saving your ass.”

He sits silently for a moment. “No wonder they thought I was working with the narcos.” he says quietly.

“They told you that?”

“Not outright.” he shakes his head.

“I guess you don’t know about what Trujillo did then huh?”

A sharp turn to face Murphy and a glare told him to spit it out fast.

“I saw her and she had her hands up, let me know you were shot. The sweet thing said, Murphy...Please don’t let him die.”

A twitch of his nose and an uncomfortable grunt show the emotion Javi was willing to show about the heartfelt statement.

“So I put my gun down, cause I figured I knew it was your girl. Who else would be willing to save you and put herself out like that? Unfortunately...Trujillo wasn’t aware of that.” he pauses for a moment, a wince to tell Javi the rest. “And he shot at her.”

“Shot AT her or shot HER.” Javi immediately demands clarification.

“Both.” he shrugs.

“Why the fuck am I just finding this out? Is she alive?” he begins getting out of bed, his torso pulling forward before Steve holds an arm out to keep him down.

“Woah, she should be, man, don’t get your panties in a bunch. She jumped off the roof and I was honestly a bit worried he’d hit her, but when I looked down there was a mess of a dumpster and a blood trail out to the street. You were right about her being good.”

“I know I was.” his brow furrows, immediately preoccupied with her again. “You should check the-”

“Hospitals, I know. I already did. Nothing. I would’ve been in to see you way sooner if she was dead.”

Javi looks away and that’s the closest to a thank you Murphy will get, but it was enough.

----------------------

The first night back in his apartment Javi sat and smoked by an open window, half expecting Esme to show up, a pop of black hair over the edge of the roof but she never came. He could swear she said she wanted to stay with him, or there was something building when the moment was ripped away. He wanted to be angry and tell himself he was being stupid, but he couldn’t help but think he was recalling correctly.

-----

He had finally gone back to work. He hadn’t foreseen a warm welcome but being reprimanded and lectured hadn’t been what he expected either. He was too distracted, not trustworthy, a rebel, a loose cannon. All things he’d heard before. This time they focused on his history with women. Both professionally and personally, the experience was vast. He had pulled more visas out of thin air than anyone in the DEA. His methods worked, yes it was sleeping with his informants and gaining their trust but it was a perk to a transaction that always worked. Because of Esme’s unknown identity, they had nothing concrete about him having connections with the groups they were after. He wouldn’t budge in telling them and they couldn’t accept that. So now he was too lenient on women, they said. His judgment couldn't be trusted because he could be compromised. To say he was pissed was an understatement. Had this suspension and possible reassignment after a board review been something he thought could happen? Of course. That didn’t mean he had to take it well or be happy about it.

He went to a bar, Murphy giving apologetic glances and slaps to the back between snarky remarks to break the tension. Javi knew he meant well, but his mind was elsewhere. He sauntered home, a warm belly of the contents of a few highball glasses and a glare on his face. He didn’t contain his annoyance as he let his boots hit heavy up the stairs and his shoulder jam against his door before opening it and twisting the lock hard. A more vulnerable groan, his hands running down his face after throwing the contents of his pockets onto the counter diffuse through a quiet and dark apartment. The warm light from the street lamps outside seep in through the thin curtains, a light breeze causes them to sway against their thicker partners that provided a shield from the sun during the day. He moves towards a window, feet dragging slightly, lighting a cigarette that illuminates him in orange and red for just a moment before the billowing smoke frames his face, half-lit in Rembrandt lighting by the mix of the moon and artificial light.

“Bad day Javi?”

He hears from the direction of the chair in his living room. Any other voice he would’ve turned and leaped for his gun and aimed, but he shut his eyes and took another patient inhale and exhale.

“I was wondering when you’d show up.”

“You should have better security for your place.” she smiles but he doesn’t see it, she admires him for a moment before standing.

“Not many have the balls to break into a cop's apartment.”

“It’s not a matter of excess balls, but lack of brains.”

He turns to see her in a dress, ruffles on the edges and red as blood fitting her loose and tucked in at the waist. A matching flower sat in her hair, woven espadrilles on her feet made her look like any other beautiful woman he’d look twice at on the street. He could see her green eyes gazing at him doe-like and calm in the low light. They gave away that she was special, not by their color but in how they looked at him. No other woman had looked at him like that. He would’ve sworn all the answers he needed were right there in her eyes as she approached him, he could’ve almost gone on without the need to say his questions out loud. But he was never one to act without proof.

He looked her up and down, a cigarette resting between his lips before he pulled out a chair next to the small kitchen table against the windowed wall. “I’d ask what took you so long but by comparison, you didn’t make me wait long at all this time.” He begins taking off his boots, giving her time to respond and appear calmer about her appearance than he was.

“I had things to take care of.” She pauses, hip against the kitchen counter observing him and appreciating seeing how his jeans pulled tight across his thighs and hips as he moved.

He looks her over again, her relaxed stance, weight on her arm resting as he took a long drag. He stands and walks over, his significantly taller frame, even minus the boots, takes his time taking her in. He selfishly makes her wait, drinks her in, pushing her hair off her shoulders and almost touching the bare skin of her decolletage. “Is it true that you got shot?”

She nods and motions with her head, “In the shoulder.”

He takes his liberties and pulls the sleeve of her dress down to expose a fresh pink scar. “Still hurt?”

“Does yours?” a light touch to his side for a moment, barely outstretching her arm for how close they stood. Personal space wasn’t something either of them was interested in when they were together.

“Sometimes.” he admits.

She nods in agreement. “Yeah, sometimes.” is her quiet answer. He leans down for a moment and kisses the blemish on her shoulder.

“You could’ve let me know you were okay.” she was prepared for anger, which she deserved, admittedly, but she wasn’t met with it. His eyes were dark and deep, looking over her wound where his thumb was currently tracing.

“I didn’t want to risk being seen.” he keeps his eyes on her scar, his brow low and to anyone else, he would read as angry, but she knew he was just thinking, wheels turning and recalling the day she received the mark. “What did work say?”

“Why?”

“Call me curious.”

“I’d much rather hear what you have to say.” he meets her eyes again but he’s faced with the look of insistence a woman gives a man she loves. “Alright,” he sighs. “I'm under review. They wanted me to give you up, tell them who you were but... “ he shrugs, needless to say, he didn’t give them so much as her alias. “They don’t trust me. Too many favors pulled to cover other people’s asses finally caught up to me.”

She nods, looking away in thought for a moment. “You were too good in other words.” she finally answers, reaching out to take the hand that had been anchored to his jutted-out hip.

“Me?” he lets out a chuckle, another inhale, blown away from her face. “I’m not the one who lost their shirt saving my ass from getting shot.” he grins and nods down at her. “I’ve been told I should thank you for saving my life.” he takes one last drag before snuffing out the cherry in the ashtray on the counter.

“It was nothing.” she lied and matched his grin.

“If you’re so bad at lying, how have you not been caught yet?” a teasing squeeze of her hand as the pair rest in the small space between them. “Wasn’t nothing.” his other, now free, hand rests on her scarred arm. “Getting shot for me is something. Men get medals for that shit.”

“But I’m not a man. Just a topless woman who’s stupid enough to risk her life for one.”

A soft huff of amusement is shared between them. “So that part was true?” his smile reaches up to his eyes before he pulls her in to kiss her head and her laugh gives him his answer. “I really wish I hadn’t been a chicken shit and passed out. Would’ve liked to have seen that. ”

“Play your cards right and you still might,” she smirks. “But I believe we have a conversation to finish first.”

“So I didn’t dream all that?”

“No, you didn’t.” a soft and gentle answer, her eyes tender as they looked up to his face. He sees the lump in her throat bob before she speaks. “Where did we leave off?” She sounded a touch uncertain.

“You gonna act like you haven’t been playing it over and over in your head this whole time?” His head ducks down to eyeball her and she gives him an unexpected smile that grows up to her eyes.

Touching his face she lets out a wistful sigh, thumb dragging on his clean-shaven cheek. “I didn’t even realize how much I missed you until I saw you again.”

The sentiment was a punch in the gut that softened him, clearing his throat he looks away almost bashfully for a moment.

“Once I saw you that night in the jewelry store you haven’t been far from my mind. And since that kiss…” her eyes move to his lips and he nervously wets them. Only she could make him nervous. He lost the power balance when he was with her and it felt new, almost scary again. It made his old bones feel like a kid again when she said sweet things to him. “I would’ve come to see you sooner if I could have. I’m sorry. I worried the whole time if that’s any consolation.”

“I worried about you too. Always have.” He speaks quietly and almost mumbles the latter, turning to kiss her palm that had started stroking into his hair absent-mindedly. “I thought if I ever saw you again I would give you a piece of my mind. I'd tell you everything I’d built up in my head all these years.” His eyes move to her marked shoulder and he places his hand over hers. “But you’re making it hard on a man, sweetheart… looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” She quietly laughs and moves her chest to his, her other hand moving to hold his face and he encapsulates her other hand

“Like you used to. Like you love me.” There’s a pause and the cards are on the table. Neither was the type to fold and bluffing wasn’t an option in this company.

“That’s because I do.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t want to leave you, Javi.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“I had to find out for myself, didn't I? I’m as hard-headed as you are, no one could tell me nothin’ at that age. I had big dreams, ones I couldn’t reach if I was with you.”

“What about now?”

“Now?”

“Could you reach them if you were with me now?”

She smiles almost condescendingly at him. “That’s why I’m here.” She whispers and gives him a small kiss to his lips before pulling away and moving farther into the room. “I just finished a job.”

His hands fall to his sides, holding to hers until they’re forced to let go. “And?”

“It was my goal. For a long time. I wanted to work with a billionaire and I have. So now I’m faced with what to do next.”

“Well, what do you want?” He takes slow steps towards her.

“You.” She looks his way with her big green eyes shining.

“How may I be of service?” He holds his arms out in offering.

She takes almost a full minute to speak and a worry grows in his gut as he musters all his patience to wait. “I’m tired, Javi.” Is the response she finally sighs out and meets his eyes.

With a furrowed brow he begins to move her towards the couch. “Well you were shot hun-“

“No. Not like that.” She stops him and her fingers pick at each other. “I want... this to be over.”

“You’re gonna have to give me a little more than that, sweetheart.”

“I was wrong. I can admit that now... now that I’ve found you again. I’m tired of this life. This... running. I’m tired of not being able to trust anyone and being alone and getting hurt and taking this disrespect from these men and-“

He shushes her as she speaks faster and grows more upset. “Take a breath baby, you’re fine. You’re with me. Nothin bad's gonna happen as long as I’m with you alright?” He says it and means it, an honesty she meets in his eyes that makes hers well up.

“I know. That’s why I don’t want it anymore. I want you. I want to be with you. I want to have that quiet life where nothing happens. I want to wake up and know we’re safe. Together.” She wraps her arms around him and he holds her tightly. She doesn’t cry but the sting is red on her face.

He stands and considers this confession, one he’s only had in his wildest dreams. While stroking her hair a million scenarios run through his mind. He eventually settles on one. “I’m tired too.”

It’s a simple sentence but it spoke volumes between them. “I have enough money, Javi. Enough for us to be happy somewhere.”

“You want to run?”

She feels the burn of reality in her chest. “I don’t know any other way.”

He looks away into the empty and dark room, hands on her face and stroking her temples. “Fuck…” he exhales. “I don’t either.” He shakes his head before looking back at her burning cheeks. “But fuck me am I tired of this shit too. They’re no better than the men you worked for. They’re all in bed together. There are no “good guys” and “bad guys”. There’s no fucking justice there’s just…”

This time she distracts him by kissing his palm. “I know Javi. I wanted to tell you when we were younger but you believed in it so much. I didn’t have the heart to-“

“I wouldn’t have listened.” He shrugs and watches her eyes pour our decades of apologies.

A long but not heavy moment of silence passes. Decades of memories whirling around, potential possibilities for the future playing out as his hands held her heart-shaped face and studied her. Both older, crinkles in the corner of their eyes and sun spots mixed with the freckles, their faces showed their age but their eyes were 18 again.

“I’m sorry.” She breaks the silence. “For everything.”

“So am I.” Is the best response he can muster.

“Instead of you asking me to stay… I’m asking you to go now. Ironic.” She smiles.

“Timing was never our strong suit.”

“No.” She shakes her head and softly laughs. “We didn’t talk much. Not with our words anyway.” The smiles shifted into a smirk.

“Never had to back then did we?”

“You only had to smile with that baby face and as soon as I’d see that dimple it was over.” She shakes her head in agreement. A rush of new emotions comes over. The happy memories. It was so easy to let the negative eat away at them and replace them. “You’re so much more handsome than I ever thought you could be.” She admits with a fully formed laugh. “Better looking than that scrawny young man I left.” She loves her hands to feel his shoulders and watch the grin spread on his face.

“You’re sweet-talking me now.”

“Well, I have to get you to run away with me. Thought I’d try flattery.”

“All you had to do this whole time baby was show up.” The grin he wore wasn't an exact match to the sentiment but she felt it like a knife. The mood shifts, they both feel it. A weight, but it was comforting. “There’s never been another woman that could even begin to replace what you meant… mean to me. This whole time it’s been you missing. The way only you’ve been able to make me feel and that... that damned beautiful face that makes me want to do anything it asks. It’s not fair on an old man sweetheart.”

“Run away with me. Fuck that job. We’ve taken a lifetime to figure out what we needed. Come with me, Javi. We’ll have that quiet little boring life. Like it should’ve been.”

“How can I say no?”

“I’m hoping you can’t.” She gives him the sweetest smile she can.

“You mean it don't you?”

“You seem surprised.”

“After all this time?” His eyes squint showing his disbelief.

“You are as handsome as you are clueless.” She laughs and reaches up to kiss him again. “I never wanted to leave. I never stopped trying to fill my guilt and regret with money and danger and drugs. Just feeling your hands on me like this right now feels better than anything else ever has. I can’t beat how you make me feel.”

He takes his cue, hands moving to pull her closer. “I can make it feel better, sweetheart.” A lower voice, one that was deep, sends a tremble down her spine. He didn’t sound like that when he was younger.

“You always did like to talk a big talk.”

“And I can walk it now. I’m not a kid anymore Esme. I’m a man.” A stern brow appears and she feels her insides melt. “If you think it was good then... well it was…” he gives that grin that wins women over time after time. “You’re gonna love what I can do now.” With broad shoulders and a strong jaw, he loomed over her, making her feel small in a way she didn’t want to fight against..

“Then stop talkin’ and show me, Javi.” She whispers, a seductive smile on her face. “Show me what I’ve been missing.”

“I can do that… but you’ll never wanna leave again.” He smirks before closing in.

“Make sure I don’t.” She softens for a moment, her hand carding through the almost curls at the nape of his neck. She lets the tension grow, the flirtatious closeness, an intimate sharing of smiles and breath isn’t taken for granted. Something hotter grows in the heat between their bodies, and as she had in the past, she gives him a direct signal to move forward. “We’ve waited long enough, Javi, stop sweet talkin’ and make love to me already.”

Her laugh is broken off by a commanding press against her mouth and his two strong hands moving into her hairline. She feels his smirk fade against her lips, each pass growing more and more urgent. With confident hands, he reaches down to grab her ass, one staying to her jaw. These weren’t the clumsy but enthusiastic hands she recalled. There weren’t short sweet kisses, unsure glances shared as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried not the cum so soon from inexperience. He handled her like a man, and she felt more like a woman than she had in years in his strong grip.

He didn't let up as he moved them to his bedroom his mouth stayed to hers, taking each breath and devouring it, savoring it with a tease of tongue before deepening again. She bit his bottom lip after a light slap to her ass to get her moving in the right direction. He spreads his fingers, handling as much of her body as he could, a hard controlled wobble of her ass cheek, another slap of ownership, not enough to hurt her, but enough to show her how he thought of her as his. Once he had her at the foot of his bed, as much as he wanted to take his time, he also wanted to ravage her and intimately know every inch of her he’d been away from. She kicks off her shoes, lost to the darkness of the room before he hitches her leg up, hand traveling back and forth on her thigh, exposed from the wrapped slit in her dress. His mouth follows where his mind wanders, to her neck to hear her sighs and hums. His hand snakes up the nape of her neck into the thick black hair, a tight fist to gently control her head, holding it back so he could explore the sensitive bend.

A moan from her elicits a response, “You like it like this?” spoken quietly in her ear as he gives her head the slightest yank back.

“Aye.” she sighs, her eyes fluttering back. “I love it.” she whispers, a smile on her face and her long lashes shadowing over her cheeks from her blissed expression.

He makes quick work of making her shudder from the pressure of his lips and tongue on her racing pulse. She let herself enjoy it, not another thought in her head except how it felt with him touching her. It was an abandonment she hadn’t been afforded in decades and the act of letting go had never felt so good before.

His kisses trail her neck, shoulder, making tender work of her scar as he slips her arms out of the sleeves. His hand was fast to her back and one to her naked chest makes him press his forehead to the wound he directly caused. “Fuck me, you’re even more beautiful now aren’t you?” his hand kneads her breast and his mouth moves lower over her exposed top half, the cinch at her waist the only thing keeping them apart now. “I wondered what you’d look… feel like now.” his words a quiet but the low rumble in it, pouring that masculine energy he gave off in waves made her melt in his hands. His hands move to cup her chest, an eager mouth, and open kisses before latching onto her hard nipples and triggering a moan he mirrors enthusiastically. “Now I get this… grown fuckin’ woman, don’t I? Fuck, look at you baby.” She wasn’t the skinny little thing he’d held before. She’d filled out, the years kind to her body from the athleticism they’d demanded. She was strong but soft in all the places he wanted her to be. Perky little tits and a tight ass were now something substantial. Something he could sink his teeth into and he wanted to touch every inch of it.

“Let me see you,” she asks quietly, pulling out of his embrace, dropping her dress to leave her bare. Her hands unbuttoned his shirt, tugging it out of those jeans that fit him just right. “I almost want to keep the jeans on you look so good in them.” she grins and reaches back to grab his ass and he jumps before they entwine again. A soft laugh and an old lover's embrace float them down to the bed together. Mouths and hands explored as she straddled him and felt the breadth of his shoulders and the lean muscle in his arms from work.

He laid back, hands moving over her naked body, taking her in with an open mouth in awe. Her arms knocked her tits together as he played and pinched, making her grind and giggle. With a slow drag of her hands down his chest, the soft fuzz covered his pecks, grew smaller, and flowered out again as her fingers followed the trail, her hands moving to unfasten his belt. “As handsome as you are… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t most excited about this.” she leans forward and coos as her hand reached into his undone jeans, finding no underwear and considering teasing him for it. Then she remembered she had come to him not wearing any either. She supposes they were both whores and deserved each other. With a breathy indulgent laugh, she leaned forward, hearing him swear as she began kissing him again.

“I thought you loved me for my mind, sweetheart.” They both share a laugh and she bites his bottom lip.

“I love you for a lot of reasons, Javi. This cock has always been one of them.” The thick hair around his base was as soft as she recalled, maybe softer. But he certainly wasn’t. She kisses him through a groan, freeing him and feeling him fully harden in her hand. “Don’t know how you keep this thing in those tight little jeans.” she kisses down to his neck and he smirks, hand in her hair and the other still teasing her nipple.

“Same way I’m gonna fit it in your tight little pussy, baby doll.”

He hadn’t lost that smoothness, a perfected skill that made her bite his throat for making her throb and feel herself get wet and warm between her legs. “Suave.” she coos into his ear before licking the rim of it. “Now show me.” she demands sitting up and rubbing herself against his pulsing cock.

He moves quickly, his body trained and hers willing to submit to him. He sits up to grab her and push her to her back, hair splaying out, her breasts bouncing before heaving from the sudden excitement. There’s a girlish giggle he’d heard before as she watches him, her fingers disappearing between her pussy lips as he made quick work of his jeans and made his way back between her legs. “You’re still impatient.” he grins against her inner thigh, his hand tracing her slit, a bite to her inner knee that turns into a lippy kiss.

“For you.” she lets her arms fall back, biting her lip and watching him with interest.

His fingers find her swollen clit, both his cock and her sensitive bud jump at the touch. “And you still get so wet for me, Esme.” a trail of kissing to her inner thighs, moving lower towards her center makes her shiver. She didn’t have a response with the circling of her clit, the way he spread her knees apart before dipping down to suck the pulsing spot into his mouth.

“Fuck.” she exhales quickly. A compliment if he’d ever heard one. He did know what he was doing. His broad fingers teased her opening, waiting for that tension, that suction that meant not just her mind but her body was ready.

He hadn’t anticipated being the one not ready for the loud moan that left her thrown back head when he filled her with his fingers. One to test, another soon after added, and the trio to finish it was the curl of them inside her as he made her spasming clit even more sensitive with the suction of his mouth and the attention from his tongue.

“Fuck, Javi, don’t make me cum yet.” It was a plea and a chuckle at the same time.

“You think you’re only cumming once tonight?”

“I want the first time you make me cum to be on your cock.”

He hums deeply, “I can’t deny that, now can I?” a kiss to right above her lips before he eases the pace of his fingers and removes them. “C’mere baby.” he leans into her, hard against her slick folds, dragging his hips back and forth, a strong hand on her hip and his mouth firmly attached to hers again.

Her impatience shows, a brief indulgence of the feel of him, velvety against her before she reaches between them and angles him in. Her legs stay back, he's holding himself up on one hand before taking her hand, kissing her fingertips, and taking over himself. He teases her and it’s met to a whine, a pressure against her hole that was aching for him. “Javi, please.” her hips circle as a pout appears on her lips.

“That sounds too good for me to wanna stop, sweetheart.” he grins, knowing he was in control and being indulgent as fuck about it.

“You gonna make me beg?”

That cocky brow raises, rubbing his tip against her clit.

She raises her hips to meet him. “Fuck me, Javi. Don’t make me wait. I’ve waited too damn long already. Fill me up, I wanna cum so hard on that cock.”

He pushes into her to cut her words off, he loved dirty talk but he couldn’t take it tonight. He’d topple over far too fast, so best give her what she wanted. She was right after all, they’d waited too damn long for this. You couldn’t tell who was making what sound at first. Their limbs entwined, her legs around his hips, keeping him in and her nails into his back. He had his face buried into the side of hers, not willing to miss a sound, one hand on her lower back that was arched up off the bed and the other in her hair. He waited, feeling her tighten and then give to him. “That’s a good girl.” he exhales softly in her ear, feeling her whine as her legs fell farther apart for him.

It happens fast for her, something she wasn’t accustomed to. But no man had been him, and she didn’t recall the last time she felt like this, with every muscle aching and reaching for pleasure from someone. She’d never been able to give over, to trust enough to let some in like she did him. The fact that she was sober and feeling like this was something she didn’t even think was possible. She wasn’t usually so submissive, but while he was looking into her eyes, kissing her lips, temples, nose, and forehead while he moved inside her she didn’t want to be anything else but taken care of by him. His body pushed against her just right, her legs wide let him rub against her clit and the spots most effective inside her. “Javi.” it comes out so desperate and he moans into her mouth as she tries to kiss through her rapidly quickening breaths. “It’s so good.” it was rushed out and ended with a squeak of a sound as she first tightened around him, he knew what that meant. “Just like...like that.” water wells in her eyes, feeling it build from the depth of her stomach, a wave builds up into her chest.

He pushed her hair out of her face, looked her over watching the painful pleasure fall over her flushed cheeks, her lips swollen from his kisses, sweat dampening her hairline and he concluded she’d never looked more beautiful than she did like this. “Fuck you feel even better,” he says against her temple, leaving a comforting kiss while she slowly let herself go. “I feel it Esme, let go for me, lemme feel you baby.”

Her fingers turn to claws in his hair and sink into the thick of it and the skin of his back as she gasps his name like a warning. He puts his nose to hers, nuzzling and reassuring and watching her burst into full bloom. There was no high-pitched showiness like ages ago. She knew what she wanted, asked for it, and got it. She knew her body and what felt good and how to make it work.

He got to watch her body move in waves, a subdued but not quiet cycle of moans and swears, her thighs trembling around him, feeling her squeeze and drip and make the deep muscles in his stomach jerk at the white burst inducing pleasure behind his eyelids. Javi loved sex, for so many reasons. But to have sex with someone he loved? It was quickly making the other experiences fade into the background to be forgotten and replaced by every second he spent inside Esme. The sound of her moaning his name like she desperately needed him fogged his mind, her sounds, the whimpers from deep breaths stayed steady and after a shared moment of the most intimate thing someone could share with their bodies, she forced his mouth back to hers, even hungrier than before.

Riding high, feeling her insides soaked and sensitive and each stroke still forcing a moan from her, she holds him close, a bit less submissive now with a clearer head. The kissing grows more heated, nails raking and teeth sinking into skin deeper. “I wanna ride you.” is all she states, and he obeys, pulling her up and situating her, a deep moan as she sinks back down on him, a string of expletives as she finds her footing. “Fuck you’re so deep like this.” her face is more playful, biting her lip and smiling down at him. She lets her hands explore his chest, moving to his neck before he takes her wrist to kiss her palm, his palm on her bouncing chest. He groans, her thumb slipping into his mouth as he gives her a bite and lick, “You’re too god damn handsome.” she grins and shudders from a growing wave. A slap, barely enough to call it that makes him grin as it hits his cheek. He pushes the thumb of his hand he had held hers with into her mouth. She greedily sucks at it, feeling his hips jerk beneath her. He moves it between her legs, targeting her clit and her hips stutter. He’d make her cum again soon and she was almost embarrassed at how easy it was for him to make her. Only she could roll them out like this, but he certainly was right about knowing how to handle a woman.

“You're already close again.” his upper lip almost snarled back as he said it, his prowess he prided himself in but knowing he was making her in particular feel good was cutting off his usual time quickly.

“Fuck you, Javi.” he laughs and slaps her hips, grabbing them and making her move faster.

“Go ahead and run that mouth. See how long you can keep it up while I’m making you cum.”

She gave in with a flutter of eyelids and a whimper as he braced his feet and pounded up into her. “Oh shit.” she cried, a hand on his chest to balance herself, the other absentmindedly on her breast, twisting at her nipple. The higher-pitched moans made their appearance, her mouth open, panting and paced with the slaps of his balls against her ass.

He holds her hip, making her move and she watches him pop his thumb into his mouth before zeroing right back in on her clit again. He feels her tighten back up again, her thighs starting to shake as she tries to push back in time onto him, taking him deeper, feeling him slide into the deepest spaces of her, filling her up, and feeling him up into her belly.

“It feels so fuckin’ good, don’t stop. Cum for me.”

He switches modes, she sees his brow lower, his nostrils flare, a sharp slap to her ass before gritting out “Then fuckin’ ride me, baby girl.”

Planting her hands on his chest, he braces her wrist, other thumb still pushing her over the edge with the way he was pounding into her. She bounces on him, watching his eyes shut from time to time, holding back as she drenched his cock and balls, the wet slap of skin loud in the otherwise quiet room. She moves her hips up and down, in circles, grinding down when he hits her just right, the sheen of sweat is now obvious on both their skin. They were both breathing hard, exertion and excitement weighing heavily on them as they tried to sync up.

“Fuck that’s it,” he grunts, head raising slightly to watch himself disappear in and out of her. “C’mon and give me that pussy. I feel it Esme, fuck, don’t make me wait for it.”

He had never been able to dirty talk when he was younger, perhaps that was why it had such a strong effect on her. Because she did exactly what he asked, and came hard on him again. It was borderline violent, a combination of inner and outer taking over her whole body as their angry expressions matched up, groaning out his name through her clenched jaw, keeping eye contact and making him watch, seeing the mess drip from her as she rose and fell on his cock.

“That its…” is all he gets out, no masculine power tripped words as he came shortly after she did. His hips thrust hard to each pulse of cum that he filled her with. A deep grunt followed each thrust, his brow low as he quickly moved up, sweeping her to him, splayed together still inside her as he kissed her. They came down together, breathing soon normal, mouths still intertwined and hands still exploring curiously. As he moves to kiss her neck, both hands warm on her back she sighs loudly.

“I missed you, Javi.” she whispers, soft from the exertion and orgasms and the way he warmed every part of her he touched. “So much.”

“I’m here now,” he answers with a flick of his nose to hers, scooping her up and rolling them to their sides. He gives her a soft kiss before pulling away, standing, and yanking the covers down. He gives a pat to her bare ass, a signal to move as he then covers her up. As predictable as he could be, he makes his way to the pack of cigarettes in the other room and she gets to warm up and watch his cute ass walk away. “You want one?” he asks, looking down the lit cherry at her, now getting under the comforter with her.

Instead, she reaches over him, grabs one from the pack, and lights it off his, still in his mouth.

“First time you did that I almost came in my jeans.” he grins, taking a drag. “Always thought it was one of the sexiest things you’d ever done.”

“I wanted to show off. Good to know it worked.” she smiles.

There’s silence for a moment as they bask in the quiet of the room, she angled against him and his arm over her shoulders. “Are you gonna stay?” his eyes swing her way, pushing back a wild curl in her face.

“Here tonight or… in general.”

“Both.” he shrugs casually.

“You want me to stay tonight?” an eyebrow raised at him, squinting as she smoked.

“First time for everything.” she’d never watched a girl stay after he called her up. She’d wondered how this would go down but she was continually pleasantly surprised. "No, I don't want you to leave." he states it as obviously as he felt it was.

“What happens when someone sees me leave tomorrow?”

“Who says I’m not leaving with you?” he gives a nod her way. “You said you wanted to leave, right?”

“Yeah.” she answers softly.

“I don’t say things I don’t mean, sweetheart.” his voice demanded respect she already had for him, but after the sex, she was happy to know he hadn’t changed his mind.

“I’ve got enough money. I just have to go back and get it. I’ve got visas and passports for both of us.”

“You work fast.”

“I had to.” she smiles, scooting in closer. “Couldn’t risk wasting time.” her voice is softer, she put her head on his chest. “Do you want to quit your job? Or do you just want to...dissppear?”

“No.” he takes a drag. “I’ll quit first. I don't want them trying to find me. Or you.” his arm swings in and rubs hers to comfort her. “I want to tell them to go fuck themselves anyway.” he grins, amused by the thought. “I can empty my account, well what little’s in it. Packing isn’t exactly a worry for me. Long as I’ve got you with me.”

“You’re a real Cassanova.” she kisses his chest and smiles into the warm fuzz.

“I mean it.”

“I know.” she nods and wraps her arm around him, letting the cigarette land in the ashtray by the bed. “It doesn’t feel real yet, is all.”

He nods, letting his cigarette join yours in the ceramic dust-filled pile. “I’m afraid I’ll wake up and I’ve been dreaming. Or in a coma from being shot.”

“No, it’s real.” she sighs and runs her hand over his healing side. “I’ve fantasized about running, and being with you has been such a pipe dream I can hardly believe you…”

“What?”

“Love me still.”

“Never stopped. I couldn’t. You said you loved me, why’s it so hard to believe I love you too?”

“Because no one has since you.” the answer hurt his chest, he kisses her hair and pulls her into a firm embrace. “I didn’t think I deserved it.”

“Shhh.” he strokes her hair back and keeps his lips to her bare skin. “We're gonna get out, Esme. We’re going to leave this shit behind. Because we have to. We aren’t made for this like we thought. We aren’t like them.”

So that’s how he’d slept at night. Truthfully she’d entertained the denial on occasion too. He was a good man who did bad things. She thought of herself as a bad woman, but if the one person whose opinion she valued didn’t think so, she’d have to change her thinking on the matter. Maybe he was right. They just weren’t cut out for this, and instead of shame for failure, she felt relief for the first time in a long time. “Where do you want to go?” her voice sounded weaker, sleepier now.

“Far away.”

“How are you with cold?”

“What does that mean?” he huffs out a soft laugh.

“I thought someone cold might be nice. Somewhere in Europe. It’s beautiful there. A nice secluded cabin...maybe some dogs.”

“That the European version of a house and picket fence and two kids?” he chuckles. “It’s not what I originally wanted but…” he sighs, “It doesn’t sound bad.”

“What did you want?” she sounded different, he tilts her face up so he can see her eyes.

“What I said I did, sweetheart. You, a home in San Antonio, figured we’d have a couple of hell raisers. Get old and fat together. Spoil the grandkids.”

Her eyes flutter for a millisecond. “You really wanted that?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I didn’t know that’s really how you felt. Thought you were just falling in line with what was expected of you back then.”

“I was always sure about wanting you forever.”

“Kids?”

The way she said it answered his question, that’s where the surprise was. “Yeah. You’d keep a kid walking a straight line.” he grins. “Put the fear of God in them.” a laugh builds and he kisses her softly. “Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age. A man gets to a certain age and he starts thinking about these things.”

“I don’t know if I can… have kids at my age.”

“You act like you’re 50 hun.” he dismisses her worry without his tone being condescending. “I’m not asking you for kids, Esme. I’m answering your question. I wanted all of you. The good and bad. Even then.” he touches her chin sweetly. “As long I’ve got you I’ll be a happy man. We have so much time to make up for. Don’t worry that beautiful head about it. We haven’t even gotten out the door yet.” he gives her a lingering, comforting kiss.

“I’m sorry for leaving you.”

“I know you are, baby.” he whispers back.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” her eyes were honest, a sincerity he’d not seen from anyone in years.

“Then that’s our plan. Plain and simple.” he seals his promise with a kiss.

“We’ll figure out the rest in the morning?” her eyes looked hopeful again, face nuzzling into his hand that stroked her cheek.

“We’ll figure out the rest together in the morning.”

In the morning they figured it out. It went just as they planned. Plain and simple. Together.

@jaegeeeeer​ @likedovesinthewnd​ @inkededucatednnerdy​  @biharryjames @ladamari68​ @past-romantic​ @weliketomoveit @shikin83​ 

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Chapter Fifty-Two

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV, XLV, XLVI, XLVII, XLVIII, XLIX, XLX, LI

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: Hey everybody!!! It’s been a hot minute. We’ve been busy lately between work and life and all that fun stuff but here’s a new chapter <3

A/N: So we’re changing a lil bit up, and adding more characters, specifically the gods as we’ve been doing more world building lately. These Gods are also from my own WIP, but have also found their way here!

“I just don’t understand why you need specific wood from a specific place for the crib,” Lev muttered, splashing the water with his foot as he watched Nik paddle around. Nik still wore a large shirt even in the pool, as if Lev and Cameron didn’t know he was pregnant.

"Well, Lev," Nik said. "Not all of us are okay with using hand-me-downs from four hundred years ago. Some of us like new shiny things for new shiny parasites- I say with love- and besides, its native to Tullum. It's home; at least as close to home as I'll likely get."

Lev huffed. “I didn’t mean that you had to get hand-me-downs, if you don’t want to. But I figured asking for wood specific to a region of angel territory when neither of us can go to retrieve it... It’s just a big fuss to make, I guess.” He braced his hands on the side of the pool, leaning forward a bit. “I don’t- Cameron had lots of very pretty options, is all, I guess.”

Nik arched a brow, eyeing him dryly. "And where, exactly, do you think some of those woods come from, Levant?"

Lev hesitated. “I assumed demonic territory?” he finally said, very unsure of the answer now.

Nik splashed Lev with enough force Lev was drenched, spluttering. Before he could think of how to respond, Cameron popped Lev gently on the back of his head. Lev hadn’t even noticed Cameron approach.

As Lev looked up, Cameron simply said, “Come inside. Biela requires your presence. Both of you.”

Lev stood, looking back to Nik, who was hauling himself out of the pool. Since Nik had already soaked him, Lev tucked himself against Nik’s side as they went inside.

Biela was standing in the kitchen. Without looking at them, she simply said, “Take a seat.”

Lev peeled away and settled in a chair, but Nik folded his arms over his stomach, which was beginning to show by that point, and said, "And why should-"

Cameron sliced Nik a look. "Nikolas, sit the fuck down."

At those cold words, Nik promptly sat on the nearest stool without another word.

Lev reached for Nik’s hand. Something told him he would not like whatever Biela had to say. Nik’s fingers tightened around his briefly as they waited for Biela to speak.

Biela fixed her dark gaze on Nik first. “I’m assuming you are keeping the fetus.”

It wasn’t a brief squeeze this time. “Why?” Nik asked sharply.

“Nik,” Lev said softly.

Biela held up a hand in Lev’s direction. “Because I'm also assuming you'd want to know the magic used to bring your boyfriend back from the dead poisoned my lands and is killing countless children. That's why."

Cold washed over Lev, colder than the death that he knew still tugged at his bones. “What?” he blurted, barely a whisper.

"You," Biela said, squarely looking Lev in the eye, "And your cousin and that witch played with forces beyond your control and decided to poison my lands with your greed because you just couldn't leave death well enough alone. I figured since your mate is currently pregnant, that you might want to know what is happening to the infants being born. Much like Nik's infant soon enough."

Lev risked swinging his attention to Cameron, eyes wide. He knew he was digging his nails into Nik’s hand as he searched Cameron’s expression, but for the most part it was unreadable, the usual shrouded calculation flickering in his eyes. Lev looked back to Biela after a moment.

“I didn’t know,” he finally said, voice small.

“Clearly not. You seem to know nothing.”

“I’m sorry,” Lev said, finally shifting his attention to Nik. “I’m sorry.”

The blood had drained from Nik’s face. “You’re lying,” he said, the words a harsh counterpoint to Lev’s whispered apology.

"And why would I lie about such a thing?"

"Because you despise me, and you loathe Lev and want any excuse to put Lev back in the ground."

Biela’s mouth curled in a non-smile. "If I was going to put your precious Lev back where he belonged, I'd do so without needing such a cruel lie. I'd just do it."

Lev tugged on Nik’s hand. “Nik,” he said, a warning in his tone this time. “She’s right.”

Tears of anger welled in Nik's eyes. "This is bullshit. This is absolute bullshit. I just decided to keep the thing. Now you're telling me it'll die anyways?"

Greif coiled alongside the fear and guilt. “You didn’t have to tell us,” Lev said to Biela. “Thank you,” he added, before tugging at Nik again. “We’ll figure it out, Nik. You- you could stay with Nate, couldn’t you?”

Nik's mouth pressed into a thin line. "But this is my home," he said, voice breaking.

Steadily, Biela said, "Not every child has been born dead or scarred. Perhaps your blood will… protect it in some way. Healing it."

Lev pressed his face to Nik’s shoulder. “You should talk to Ash. Or Sazra. Both of them.”

Nik stood abruptly. “I’m going to bed,” he muttered, as if it wasn’t midafternoon. Lev watched him go in silence, his heart aching.

Only once he was gone did Lev look back to Biela. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Is there anything I can do?” He meant it, knew she’d read that in his mind, and hoped it meant... something. Though he doubted it did.

Biela leaned against her palms, black hair slipping over her shoulder. "What do you think you can do? You and your cousin offer your pretty apologies while countless are dead like a few well placed 'sorries' will give parents their young once more. I highly doubt putting you back where you belong would solve it, and as I promised your cousin, I wouldn't. You will live with your actions and you will think about how this has affected my kingdom. And you will think about how my mercy has been the only thing keeping you with a home. Not even your own people want you. And now, you're a mass murderer to my people. That is what you can do."

Her words hurt, as they were meant to, he was sure, but he heard no untruth. “I would never assume that an apology would fix anything,” he promised carefully. “I will never forget the cost; I promise. But-” He hesitated. “I know most demons don’t appreciate an angels healing. I have the magic to spare, if it is ever useful. I understand that- it’s not- it’s all I can offer.”

Biela arched a brow. "I'll keep it in mind. If there's something to make you useful, I'll look into it. It's the least you can do."

“It is,” Lev agreed, grief leaking into his tone despite himself. “Thank you,” he added again, before lowering his gaze to the ground. Any more, he thought, and he might say too much.

"And you're not even crying," Biela noted. "An improvement." She straightened, readying to leave. "I'll return for our check up. I expect you to behave in the meantime."

On her way out, Cameron dipped his head in a reverent bow.

Lev waited until her footsteps faded before he looked to Cameron. “What are we going to do?” he asked.

All Cameron said was, "Survive."

-----

After nearly a week of Amara seemingly dodging every appointment Ash tried setting up with her, Ash decidedly went to see Nik so he didn't hunt her down and wring her neck. It seemed like the better alternative.

It was Lev who answered the door. Hesitantly, Lev asked, "Am I allowed to talk to you?"

"Well," Ash said, looking over Lev’s head, "if you weren't, you'd be a little too late now. Where's Nik?"

Lev flushed, cheeks going a blotchy gold. “In bed,” he said, sounding sad. “I’m assuming you heard, then.”

Ash blinked. "Heard what? I just needed to check on him. Did something happen to Nik?" He asked, shouldering his way past Lev. "Is he alright?"

“Oh.” Lev seemed to hesitate. “Fine. Nik is. I think. I mean, he is, but-” His voice got smaller and smaller. “Whatever Cyrus did to bring me back- the magic- infants are dying. Not making it to birth. Biela told us a few days ago. I assumed that’s why you were here. I thought Nik had taken my advice.”

At that Ash halted in place and whirled on him, face leeched white with horror and rage. "Wanna run that by me again?"

Lev flinched away. “The magic poisoned the lands,” he whispered. “The children are dying because I came back."

"I-." Ash inhaled sharply. "I told you. I told every single one of you not to do it. I hope you're fucking happy with yourself," he snapped, jabbing him in the chest. "None of you selfish assholes would listen to me and children are dead for it." Ash whirled back around and stormed his way to Nik's bedroom. "And now I need to make sure another one doesn't die because of everyone's bad choices."

Nik jolted up when Ash burned the door in place to stalk inside. He didn't give Nik a moment to speak before he started doing what he did best. "Have you been keeping everything down? Any fevers or anything beyond the usual normal pregnancy stuff?"

Nik blinked blankly at him. "How the hell am I supposed to know? Because I'm an omega? I-"

"My mistake," Ash said. "I shouldn't have asked you. Lev, has everything been normal with Niks pregnancy so far?"

Lev hovered in the charred doorway. “Other than morning sickness that Cameron and I have been keeping an eye on, everything seems fine. I didn’t think to ask Biela how the- what was happening to the parents. I was- it was a shock.”

"Oh I'm sure," he said, shortly. He turned his full focus back on Nik. "Is there any way I can convince you to come home at least until the baby is born?" When Nik shook his head, Ash sighed. "Right. Well, at least meet me for appointments every few days in Liwen. That way you get exposure outside of Demonic Lands as well as getting a better look in my office?"

Nik sat up on his elbow and watched him warily. “Papi doesn’t want me coming home, Ash.”

Ash rolled his eyes and eyed the bruising still fading from Nik’s neck. “Hm. Well. I don’t think your father is going to get to say much of anything when I hold just as much, if not more power and sway than he does. Besides, you’re not stepping foot anywhere near him, especially when you’re pregnant. I’m sure Nate would have my head. Or at the very least try.”

Nik didn’t so much as crack a smile. “I don’t want to go home.”

Ash sighed loudly. “Alright, fine then.” When Lev tried scooting his way past to Nik, Ash shoved his face away. “Move it, I’m dealing with my patient, Lev.” When Lev huffed Ash looked pointedly at him. “If that’s too much to ask,” he suggested, “then perhaps you can see yourself outside while we talk.”

Lev’s only response was making a face. “I think I’m going to go see what Cameron’s making for dinner.”

When Lev left, Ash turned his sole focus back to Nik who was still looking rather tired. “You gotta let me help,” he said. “We both know I’m the best you’re going to get when it comes to your health.”

“Dunno. Sazra seems to know plenty.”

“Sazra hasn’t seen the light of day in well over a thousand years. That,” he said, “and from what you’ve told me, Sazra also wants to string you up by your balls. Your physiology is different from demons and as great as a healer I’m sure she is, I am your healer and I’m not trusting a demon to take care of you when I’ve known you for the last nineteen years.”

Nik waved him off. “Figure it out, Ash. I don’t want to leave.”

“Because of Lev?” Ash asked, pointedly.

“And if it is?” Nik shot back.

“Then you’re making stupid choices for your baby.”

Nik almost looked like Ash hit him. Ash tried to reel back from that very poor choice of words, but even if he was successful at it, he still didn’t regret them. It was the truth especially when there were millions of infants dead because Ash didn’t stop Amara or Cyrus and now Nik was in the line of fire for his own inactions. “Look,” Ash warned, “if you won’t come back then I’m moving in here and I will make everyone who lives in this house as miserable as physically possible.”

“Like Cameron would let you.“

Ash scoffed. “You think I’m afraid of Wonder Bread Cameron? I get what I want and what I currently want won’t come back with me.”

Nik’s brows shot up at that, but before he could say anything Lev came slinking his way back into the room. “Mami’s actually in charge of dinner tonight so Cameron’s in his office. He looks kinda grumpy.”

“Surprise of surprises, I’m sure,” Ash said. He looked back to Nik. “So what is it, you coming with me voluntarily or am I moving in here against all of your wills?” When Nik stared at him in stony silence, Ash took that as answer enough. He got up from the bed and shouldered his way past Lev.

----

Ash was still being cranky, and Nik was still in bed. Lev wasn’t stupid enough enough to bother Cameron again, and so when he heard Eden waking up from her afternoon nap he decided to go pick her up before she upset the whole house with her fussing.

Even if he was supposed to be limiting how much he picked her up.

After some well placed smacks for not getting to her soon enough, Eden buried her face in his shoulder with a half-awake growl. Lev gave her a little bounce and settled in the rocking chair, toy in hand to offer her when she bothered to lift her head.

Only when several minutes had passed did Eden finish her little sniffle-growls and take the stuffed bear. Within seconds the ear was detached.

Lev sighed as he fished it out of her mouth. Eden took the chance to sink her little teeth into his finger, hard enough to draw blood. Before Lev could pull away, Eden gave a pleased shriek, little nails digging into his hand to keep him there. Despite the surprising amount of strength the toddler had, he managed to get free, in time for Ash to stick his head in the room, eyes glowing enough of a bright green that Lev was quite sure Ash was seeing just fine.

“I just can't seem to leave you alone for five minutes without you nearly getting killed by demons,” Ash grumbled.

Lev shrugged, catching Eden’s little hand before she could smack him again. “Hitting isn’t nice, bitty girl.”

She simply screeched in his face, and then thunked her forehead on his shoulder, giggling.

Lev looked up at Ash. “I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he said as Eden took her bear back and began the gruesome work of beheading it. “Well, I mean- I wasn’t sure how to because I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to talk, and then you needed to check on Nik, and-” He paused, blinking hard. “Rambling. Sorry. I’m trying to work on that. I remembered things, about when I was dead.” He pressed a kiss to Eden’s head to buy himself some time to order his thoughts, and then went on. “I met Nature. During that time I was hesitating. And they talked to me.”

“Oh? And you didn’t bother to tell me this sooner?”

Lev winced. From what he’d gathered from the conversation with Nature, the link between Ash and the god ran deeper than Lev had ever realized. Not that Lev had ever really paid attention to it. He’d never been particularly close to Nature himself; he was starting to regret not trying to forge a connection with the only god the angels had. Maybe his magic would have been easier to access, stronger even, if he had.

“I didn’t remember for a long time,” he finally said to Ash. “But I do now, so I’m telling you.”

It’d been an intense conversation, for sure. He could see a lot of Ash in Nature. Or maybe there was a lot of Nature in Ash. Lev wasn’t too sure how the mechanics of it worked. Nature had all but berated him for dragging his feet. Just from past experience they knew if the spell failed it’d have unimaginable consequences, and Lev now knew just how bad it could have been.

“I promised them I would be the last resurrection,” he told Ash. “And I said if that failed, that I’d help take some of the- the punishment you suffered. It’s not fair for you to be in that much pain on your own.”

“Ya think?” Ash snipped.

Lev took a small breath, and then replied calmly, “I really am sorry, Ash. It was the least I could do, I thought.”

Ash rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Tell me everything you talked about.”

“A lot of it was... kind of scolding. About trying to come back,” Lev admitted. “And telling me there were going to be consequences either way. They laid out exactly what you went through while not stopping us.” Lev cleared his throat. “I- that's when I offered. To help shoulder the pain.” After tucking his cheek against Edens hair, he held up a hand, weaving his shadows through his fingers with ease. “I think that might be why my magic is stronger. I was going to try to- to find more ways to connect with them, but I’ll have to wait until I can go back to angelic territory now, I think.”

“Why? There’s temples here.”

“Oh. I didn’t-” He stopped, frowned. “I don’t know much about demons and the gods-” He sighed this time. “I’m still on house arrest. I’m not allowed to leave until Biela deems me not a security risk.”

Ash lifted a brow. “Aren’t you in a relationship with a demon?”

“We’ve never had a conversation about religion, Ash,” Lev said with an even deeper frown. “I don’t think Cameron’s particularly religious. I guess I could ask him about the demonic gods. All I know is that they’re where demons get their magic, like we do from Nature.”

“They have a name, you know,” Ash said. Lev couldn’t figure out if he sounded irritated or tired. “It’s Asmi.”

Lev flushed. “I- I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He cleared his throat, and said more firmly, “No one really calls them by their name, but I should- I should have asked.”

“Probably,” Ash said drily. “And technically they’re not even the god of nature.”

Lev stood up, bouncing Eden on his hip. “They aren’t?” He asked. “That’s what we were taught in primary school, I’m sorry.”

“Primary school?” Ash said. If Lev didn’t know better, he was teasing him now. Crankily, sure, but still.

Rather than dignify that with an answer, Lev gave up and let a very wiggly Eden down to crawl around the nursery.

“Asmi is the god of balance,” Ash finally said. “They’re tied to the earth. Anything falls out of balance, and we’re all affected. That’s probably where the angels got nature from.”

“Makes sense why the teachers simplified it like that, I suppose,” Lev replied. “If it’s- if it’s not too much trouble, could you teach me more, whenever you get the chance?”

“Sure. Looks like I’m rooming with you for the foreseeable future anyway.”

“Thank you,” Lev said, smiling at Ash. He didn’t get one in return, but considering the amount of pain Ash had gone through in the past several months because of Lev, he didn’t blame Ash. Not one bit.

~~~

There was only so much of Nik’s day being spent in bed Lev could stand before he felt restless himself. Even taking care of Eden couldn’t shake his inherent need to be a busy body. So when it occurred to him that Nik had not yet actually celebrated his pregnancy, he decided it was high time something good be associated with Nik’s pregnancy.

After all, it was tradition.

Lev waited until Eden was down for her nap to corner Cameron and Ash in the kitchen. “I think Nik deserves a baby shower,” he said without preamble. “And I think we should throw him one.”

“Of course you do,” Cameron said, not even looking up from the meat he was searing in a skillet.

Lev looked expectantly at Ash, who just gave a shrug. “Might as well get him out of that foul mood of his.”

“He’s no reason to be happy about what’s going on,” Lev replied reasonably. When Ash narrowed his eyes at Lev, the lack of a glow to his green gaze letting Lev know he wasn’t actually able to see him right now, Lev was quick to add, “So I want to... give him some happier memories about this pregnancy. He’s so miserable right now and all he’s gotten is bad news. A party will cheer him up and maybe give him something to look forward to.”

“Are you suggesting he isn’t looking forward to the several horrendous hours of labor to push that fetus out?” Cameron asked, flicking a look Lev’s way.

Lev blinked. “Well. No, I doubt that. But. The after? Holding the baby? I don’t think he’s thought that far. He’s just stressed and worried.”

“That was sarcasm, Levant,” Ash pointed out.

“Oh.” Lev rubbed his nose. “Um. Well. I do think it’s a good idea.”

“Alright. Fine. I’m sure we can have something set up this weekend.”

“Thank you,” Lev said to Cameron, looking pleased. Up until he realized... “Who can we invite”?”

“Well, that is indeed the question, isn’t it?” Ash mused.

“Can Nate be invited?”

“I sure hope so, Nate practically raised him,” Ash said dryly.

Lev grimaced at him, knowing very well he couldn’t see it. “Yes, but- am I allowed to be there if he is?”

“I think it’ll be fine, especially if Bay is with him.”

After considering that, Lev gave a small nod. “Okay. Can I help plan for it, Cameron?”

“I suppose,” Cameron said.

Lev gave a small hum. “Ocean themed? To match the nursery?”

“Sure,” Cameron said, with the same amount of indifference as before.

This time Lev huffed at Cameron. “I’m going to go see if Mami wants to help,” he said, knowing it was a little petty.

“You do that,” Cameron said.

As Lev... well, even he could admit he was flouncing off a bit, Ash followed. Lev took that as a silent agreement to actually participate in the planning.

---

Darius found himself in Cyrus’ office with a mug of tea in front of him and Cyrus across from him with his own coffee. Even if Darius couldn’t drink the tea, he did appreciate the gesture. It would be nice to be able to drink tea once more.

“Why Cameron?” Cyrus asked, not in an accusatory way, but genuine curiosity.

“Why not Cameron?” Darius asked, splaying his brown fingers along the desk.

Cyrus gave a shrug as he continued to flip through his notes, coffee seemingly forgotten. “He’s not exactly the sort most people seem to be attached to. Outside yourself, Nikolas, and Levant, of course. Most others seem frightened more than anything.”

“I don’t see why,” Darius said. “Cameron’s never been frightening to me.”

“Perhaps it's the amount of people he’s tortured and killed,” Cyrus pointed out mildly. He looked up briefly. “I mean no offense, I simply want to understand.”

Darius thought on that, and he thought on the boy he had known when he was alive. And he thought on the hell that was unleashed upon Cameron once it was found that Darius had died at Cameron’s own hand. And then he said, “Perhaps. Though, I do not judge a person by their occupation. One could say Sorin has killed his own fair share of people, no?”

Cyrus looked over at Sorin, who was curled up as a cat on a pile of papers, orange tail twitching against his white flank as he dozed. “He did,” Cyrus agreed. “And he retired. But you made your point. I see where you’re coming from.” He looked back to Darius. “The war made a monster out of many people. But something tells me the war is not what happened to Cameron.”

“Just a different kind of war,” Darius sighed. He traced along one of his rings. “Have you come up with a solution that would not let Cameron die in the process?” Even if Darius was quite sure Cameron wouldn’t blink at the idea of giving his own life to right this particular wrong- even when the last five hundred years had Cameron’s story of survival written in betrayal and blood.

“I considered just... any life. But- that doesn’t seem a fair trade,” Cyrus sighed, running his own ringed fingers over his face. “I’m not willing to attempt the spell without certainty. The cost of failure is too high, and it’s your only chance.”

“Of course,” Darius said. “I do not take any of this lightly. I am very grateful to you, Cyrus.”

Cyrus gave a small smile, though his face was tired. “Don’t thank me,” he said. “Not until after I guarantee this will work.” He propped his chin in his hand. “It’s starting to look like there’s no way for me to be sure what is an acceptable trade, unless I speak with Nature themself.” Cyrus paused. “Which would be difficult, because I’ve never tried to form any sort of connection with Nature before. I didn’t get the education most witches do from their covens, and I was learning so much about the practical side that it slipped my mind.”

“Well,” Darius said, “I am sure there is no time like the present to get acquainted with your god.” Something Cameron, too, was unable to do. “Asmi seems… sturdy.”

Cyrus hummed. “Sturdy. Concrete. Something like that. I think.” He tapped his cheek. “I have no idea how to go about it, though.”

“I could reach out,” Darius offered. “Seeing as how I’m in the same realm as they are. And there’s less risk to you if I were to approach them first.”

Cyrus considered that. “That would... be very helpful, actually,” he mused. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “Though perhaps after I take a nap.”

Tagging:  @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @lil-miss-red @halstudies @littleyellowdinosaur @caelisis @idreamonpaper

[falling-fineline]

Native of mine you’re just my kind

(A Cake one shot)

Title and lyrics from “Lonely Hearts” by 5SOS and some inspiration from Ashton’s breakdown of CALM that he did for #1yearofCALM.

Summary: Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say. What they don’t tell you is that it also exhaustingly lonely.

Warnings: smut and fluff! You’ve been warned!

can also be found on ao3!

Our house on fire

We’re burning

We dance inside

You’re hurting

If you leave me in the morning

I’ll have such a

Such a lonely heart

“I’m only gone for a week to see the family, Luke. Not moving back there forever. Plus, it’s my fourth day here so there’s technically four more days until you see me again. There’s no need to bring out that pout of yours, pet.” Calum rolls his brown eyes but smiles fondly at how childish his boyfriend is being right now.

Luke pouts for a second longer at the screen, then a small grin breaks the pout.

The blond loved these facetimes they have. There were no verbal promises but they’ve been facetiming at least twice a day, sometimes more. Mostly about silly things, most calls that don’t last more than 5 minutes. But these little nuggets of seeing calum’s really are the sole thing that’s Luke got looking forward to every day since Calum’s been gone. Luke won’t admit it to himself, and he thinks that Calum has caught on but just doesn’t say anything about it, but most of the calls are from Luke, and it’s whenever he gets a spike of ice cold fear that he calls Calum. An irrational fear, he knows, that calum’s going to stay in Aus, and not come back, essentially breaking up with him.

Aside from walking Petunia around the block every morning and night, Luke hasn’t doesn’t anything else other than lying around in bed, waiting for Calum to call him.

A pretty sad sounding existence, he knows. But ever since Calum left to visit his family in Australia a few days ago, luke’s been spiraling. He had sensed the his mental fragility settling in when he said goodbye to Calum at the airport and his mood has had a downward trajectory ever since. Luke went from quarantining with Calum ever since they came back from tour, seeing Calum every day, to suddenly not seeing him. This has thrown his head into a pitiful sad loop.

“Luke, you still with me, love? I know it’s late over there in LA but you called me.” A light chuckle rang out from Luke’s phone, in his hands as he laid on his side in bed.

“I just… couldn’t sleep. Wanted to see your stupid face again.”

Luke actually hadn’t slept for more than 2-3 hours every night ever since Calum left. This morning, Luke woke up, head in a hazy state, and just sat out on their balcony, staring at absolutely nothing. Begging to feel the sun that’s shining on him, the warm hug she would have beared for him. Anything but this dark pit that regenerated out of thin air, in his chest, that seeped into his bones during the night Calum left and he hasn’t felt a thing in days.

Calum sees through Luke right away. It’s as if their souls were grown in the same origin, or something. Calum’s the only one that takes one look at luke and instantly reads him like an open book. Eager to read every word, every sentence, meticulous in not missing any clues along the way.

“Luke, you can be honest with me. This is your 5th call ever since I woke up and I’ve only been for 6 hours. I’m not saying to call me less, but today’s been a lot, huh? How have you been feeling?” calum’s concerned brown orbs search Luke’s through the screen, trying to see any minute change in the blond’s features that would give him away.

Luke closes his eyes for a moment, thinking of a suitable answer. He readjusts on the bed so he’s sitting up against the headboard. The younger lad had been so caught up in his head, wallowing in his sadness, he hadn’t really checked in with how he was feeling. Luke’s speak is thoughtful when he speaks.

“ive been feeling… lonely. Nothing new to me, nothing new to you.” A dry chuckle leaves the blond’s mouth and he see’s his boyfriend readjust in his own bed, mimicking Luke’s position. Calum’s eyes are filled with concern for the blond, a frown on his lips.

“now what have we talked about using humour to minimise how you’re feeling? Remember, for me to understand how you’re feeling, you gotta be honest with me, especially with how you feel.”

“I just hope that you’re missing me half as much as I’m missing you right now, cal.” Tears begin to form in the blond’s eyes, making his vision of Calum a misty one. But he continues on with how he truly feels. “Like, my heart hurts whenever you’re not here with me. I’ve got such a lonely heart without you here, cal.” A choked sob escapes out of the younger lad’s lips. He’s quick to wipe his tears with his hoodie sleeve before he looks like a right mess in front of his boyfriend.

“Oh, pet. Don’t cry. If anything, I do miss you, so, so, much. My chest can barely hold myself together. Every song reminds me of you and I’ve been listening to my music nonstop without you here with me. Mali keeps making fun of me cuz I’m glued to my phone, chatting with you all day long.” A wet grin appears on Luke’s lips then, reveling in the feeling of being missed. Of being thought about. Of feeling wanted.

Interest grows in Luke’s as he watches Calum innocently lick his lips. A low groan comes out of Luke’s mouth as he sinks into the bedframe, sinking deeper into his beige hoodie, his hood flipping flat on his blond locks.

“oh, I know those eyes whenever I see them. You in the mood right now, Hemmings?” Luke blushes even when he sees Calum strip out of his black calm sweatshirt through his screen, revealing a number of scattered tattoos all over his abdomen and arms. Luke drools at the thought of what comes next.

Luke begins to play with his growing bulge that’s beginning to come alive in his briefs, causing the camera to shake a bit. Calum noticed the movement and smirks.

“Are you touching yourself right now, babe? Is me being shirtless causing you to become hot and bothered, my boy?” just to seemingly directly add to Luke’s erection and to the mental wanking log he has of visuals of Calum, Calum flexes his tattooed arm for the camera, muscles seemingly bulging out of his skin.

Luke moans in luau of responding, one hand starts the task of getting his dick out of his briefs and one hand holding the phone steady. He moves his camera back a bit, revealing his angry red cock that glistens at the tip with precome. Calum’s whistles lowly at seeing his boyfriend’s big cock.

Luke overtly stares at calum’s tattooed arm. The way the 5 o’clock shadows are casted on his muscles, clinging to every curve and jutted out vein. The blond fantasizes that it’s calum’s hand that’s jerking himself off right now, arm pumping up and down, muscles working overtime to get Luke to his climax.

Luke’s eyes become hooded eyelashes fluttering as he feels the familiar warmth coil itself in his abdomen, close to release. Mouth hanging open, Calum doesn’t think Luke realizes the soft continuous “ah ah ah’s” that are leaking out of his mouth as he feels his orgasm building. Small tears escape his eyes with how good Luke feels as he imagines it’s his boyfriend’s thumb that goes over the tip of his leaking cock, sliding his precome over his slick dick. At one point during their FaceTime, Luke had stopped jerking himself off to hike up the beige hoodie that he has on, tucking it under his chin, revealing perky nipples and pale skin with luscious chest hair.

“Look how pretty my boy is, all desperate for me.” Luke preens at calum’s words, warmth growing in his cheeks and heart. “Look how beautiful you are, at worked up, just from imagining me jerking your big huge cock off. And it’s at for me, my eyes only. God damn it Hemmings, what am I gonna do with you?” Calum lips his lips in anticipation. Luke loved when Calum got possessive in their dirty talk. It made him feel wanted, lusted over, and more importantly, loved.

A low whine escapes Luke’s lips as the blond imagines face-fucking Calum. He’d take his cock so nicely into his mouth. His greedy greedy mouth. Luke imagines calum’s jaw going slack as the brunet succumbs to his own pleasure and with a dazed look in his brown orbs, the blond imagines fucking calum’s throat relentlessly as he jerks himself to climax.

With a shout of calum’s name, Luke comes all over his stomach and chest, huge spurts of white spunk paints his chest hair, mingling in the unruly curls.

Eyes glazed over with his orgasm, the blond sees his boyfriend’s mouth open in a silent scream as Calum cums too in his own pants.

After a couple minutes of silence from both ends as they came down from their orgasmic highs, Luke chuckles.

“I really needed that cal. Thanks. I’m so relaxed now…”

They stay on the line for a while longer, just smiling like goofs to each other.

[jenovahh]

The Honey Pot - Ch. 26 - Irrational

“Oh thank the Twelve, you’re coming to.”

Blinking your eyes, you feel like you’ve been floating in space and have finally come down to earth, your limbs feeling heavy after being suspended in zero-gravity. You’ve been passing out too much lately you think, circumstances be damned.

Milky eyes that belong to a powdery face come into focus, Merlwyb the picture of worry as she calls for a doctor to check on your condition.

“Chief Merlwyb?” you cough, a glass of water held in front of you before you can even ask, Merlwyb slipping a straw inside and gently holding it towards your face. Mumbling a word of thanks, you take a sip, the water refreshing and quenching as you nearly down the whole cup until Merlwyb draws it away.

“I think you should slow it down. From what I understand, they were having to reintroduce you to food.” Merlwyb murmurs, setting the cup down on a nearby nightstand. Taking a look around you’re back in the same makeshift sick room within Cid’s mansion, IV hooked up to your arm as it pumps you full of whatever is in the bag attached to it. The doctor shows up soon enough, giving you a quick once over as she makes sure you’re on the mend.

As the doctor asks you a few questions, you notice Merlwyb looking incredibly guilty, wondering if she really feels so bad you had gotten captured. Surely she can’t be beating herself up over that?

“And if I may ask,” the doctor begins but Merlwyb holds up a hand gently.

“If it is alright with you doctor, I would like to speak to my officer about this alone.” Merlwyb interrupts, the doctor giving a nod of understanding, saying nothing more as she exits the room. Turning to you, Merlwyb’s fists are clenched tightly in her lap, and you get too worried to keep your peace.

“Is everything okay?” you ask with a broken laugh. “I mean, I know it was scary, Varis locking me up, but I’m okay. I’m okay.” You grin, reaching out to try to console her but she jerks away. “Chief,”

“Do not call me that.” She bites out, the harshness of her voice shocking you. A little hurt, you begin to question what you could’ve done to warrant such a flip in her attitude, until you see she is shaking with unshed tears, liquid pooling in the corners of her eyes as she finally gains the will to meet you eye to eye. “Do not refer to me with such respect after I’ve failed you so catastrophically.”

Confused, you shift to try and sit up a little better. “Chief Merlwyb, what do you mean? I thought we went over all the risks at the start! We knew that this would be a dangerous job,”

“The job would be dangerous, yes! But never would I have made you become pregnant with that bastard’s child!” She cries, tears finally running down her face. You sit in perfect stillness, unsure what to say. Faced with the reality of having to explain that you were not only pregnant with Zenos’ child, but that you didn’t even feel bad about it. When Varis had revealed that same fact to you, you didn’t even care.

“We sent you to simply try and catch his son in the act. To give us any kind of proof of illegal activity. Only to realize too late we had put you in that monster’s hands!” Merlwyb sobs, clutching your hands within her own. “When I had said that you must protect the mission at any cost, I never meant that you had to bear Varis’ child. That you would have to accept him forcing himself upon you.”

Eyes widening as you see the cause of her grief, you fumble to try and find your right words. “Chief, I...did the doctor,”

“The only one that knows is myself and Cid. Cid is busy preparing other avenues to try and handle Varis.” Merlwyb grumbles, over the worst of her crying. “He was appalled to learn of this, he had--”

“Please, please, stop right there.” You groan, sick at the thought of if things really had gotten to where they assumed they had. Taking a deep breath, you fix Merlwyb with a guilty look of your own. “Never would I have guessed the famed Annihilator to be a crier.” You joke weakly, watching as she seems to lighten the tiniest bit.

“Strong I may be, but I am not immune to the suffering of my officers.” She sniffs, rubbing your hands with her larger ones.

Looking at your hands joined together in your lap, you struggle on what to say next. “While I’m...glad you feel such concern with me...things didn’t get that far. Not with Varis.”

Brows furrowing, Merlwyb shifts closer to you in her seat. “What do you mean?”

Breathing deeply, you try to get everything out in one breath. “I will not deny it. What led to me being locked away was actually due to Varis trying to force himself on me.” Saying it nearly makes you throw up, tilting your head back as you take calming breaths. “He had drugged me with a substance mixed with aether rendering me unable to move. If his right hand man hadn’t shown up when he did...then he would have--” You nearly throw up again, having to keep the bile down as your body breaks out in a cold sweat.

“You don’t have to talk about this.” Merlwyb consoles, rubbing your back gently.

“No. Because I need to...I need to explain.” You sigh, feeling weary already. “What I’m trying to say is, Varis only tried to force himself on me before he locked me away. And...if my math is right, I should be a month or two along.” Placing a hand on your stomach, you rub it gently. “It’s not his.”

A mix of relief and worry passes through Merlwyb’s face, standing to her feet. “Thank the Twelve it isn’t so. I must tell Cid,”

“It’s Zenos’.” you cut off before she can even leave your side.

She stops in place immediately, shocked by your words as much as you are having said them. To put out in the universe you are carrying the child of someone you once thought a monster.

“Honey…” she whispers, sitting by your side once more. “Honey, did he,”

Shaking your head furiously, you refuse to meet her surely judgemental gaze. “No. I...it was consensual. Multiple times. I…” swallowing your fear, you press on. “I was so stressed from working for Varis, my health suffered. I stopped taking supplements, vitamins, and my birth control. I had met with Zenos that day when Raubahn died and one thing led to another.”

As tears leak from your eyes as you finally give voice to your shame, you still cannot bear to face her scorn. “I tried to hate him. I tried to hate him for so long, but he…” you sob, wiping furiously at your tears, “he’s the only one that understands me. The only one who’s strong enough, the only one who makes me happy. I didn’t even blink when Varis told me I was pregnant with his kid, I didn’t even feel sad. How fucked up am I for falling for him?!” You laugh, the sound broken and mangled. “I’m a failure to the mission, Raubahn would be ashamed--”

Merlwyb crushes you in her arms, ceasing your downward spiral. She says nothing, merely holding you tightly as your tears catch in her shirt, clutching you tight as she buries her face in your hair. “Honey...no matter what I better not hear such self deprecating language from you ever again.” She whispers, stroking your head softly. “Raubahn would be proud. You’ve survived. You are alive. And that’s all we ever wanted. For you to come home.”

“But I--”

“No ‘buts’.” She interjects, pulling away to give you the stern look you had known her for. “Not to throw him under the bus, but Cid had already filled me in on your entanglement with his bodyguard and Zenos respectively. I can’t lie that at first I was alarmed, but when he recounted all the trauma he had known you had gone through, how he could see you warp and change...I could not think to hold it against you. And neither would Raubahn.”

You weep thankful tears at her words, a weight lifted from your shoulders at her comfort. You embrace each other once more, wrapping yourself in the comfort of simply being held, knowing you both have been through the wringer these past few days.

Merlwyb notices your eyes begin to droop, promising to see you again when you wake up next. She would go off to find Cid and relay what you had told her in a calmer, less emotional fashion, sparing you the risk of potentially triggering yourself. You allow yourself a few more hours rest, drifting thoughtlessly as you have the most restful sleep you had in what had apparently been weeks.

Two weeks had Varis managed to stow you away, Cid and Merlwyb knowing something was wrong when they hadn’t heard hide or hair of you in two days. The phone Cid had given you had been confiscated and destroyed, giving them no idea on how to find you. They had been sick with worry with no way to find out what happened until Zenos had showed up on Cid’s doorstep in the dead of night, demanding that you be saved. Cid had immediately called for his personal doctor to begin treating you, bringing you to the present.

Even while you rest, your thoughts are too tumultuous to let you sleep long, the steady drip of your IV and the light buzz of the alarm clock on your nightstand your only companions when you wake. It is a few hours past midnight, the mansion quiet, but in a good way unlike the Galvus estate. There’s just enough white noise in the halls that gives a comfortable ambience, a home that is lived in, prompting you to drag yourself out of bed and into some slippers to walk a bit to maybe tire your mind a bit to go back to sleep.

Forced to drag your IV pump around with you, you shuffle down the hall, enjoying the peace as you let your feet aimlessly wander. Though you know Cid was prone to all nighters if he was knee deep in a project, something tells you he’s fast asleep. Making your way downstairs you enjoy the calm of his mansion at night, slipping past the many doors as you struggle to not bump your shin into any unsuspecting furniture.

As you pass through the living room, you hear grunting, looking through one of the many floor to ceiling windows to spot Zenos outside, running through his practice routines. His golden hair now looks to be made of spun ivory under the moonlight, muscles flexing with every movement as he swings his sword through the air. Each strike is precise, measured as he hones his skill, a fierce determination on his face as he snarls his frustration.

Heading to the sliding door, you gently push it open, the warm night air soothing you instantly as you stand in the doorway, watching him quietly. You’re surprised he’s yet to notice your presence, too focused on whatever he’s thinking about to catch you watching him. Leaning against the doorframe, you’re content to watch how his body flows effortlessly through each stance, dressed in his usual workout attire, clinging to him like a second skin.

It is only when he spins does he take note of you at the door, uncharacteristically startled before a shadow of guilt darkens his features. Frowning, you move to join him in the yard only for him to give you a look that promises retribution if you move from your spot at the door. “What are you doing here?”

Tutting, you stand up straight. “From what I heard, you brought me here.”

“That’s not what I,” he pauses, turning away from you for a moment. “I meant what are you doing outside? You should be inside, resting.”

“I was trying,” you grumble, stepping out onto the manicured grass, dragging the IV pump along uneven ground. He turns to you once more, unable to meet your eyes. “I couldn’t sleep, probably because I had spent the past two weeks being made to sleep. My body’s quite sick of it, I think.” You joke lightly, coming to stand before him.

He still won’t meet your gaze, which is strange in and of itself. Creeping closer, he shifts away and you frown, trying to peek under his fringe of hair. “Zenos? What’s the matter?” you ask, reaching out for his hand but he jerks it away.

“What do you want?” he snarls, eyes furious. Though you begin to get angry, you take a step back and look at the situation. Though your memories are hazy, you can remember his desperation to get you out of that facility. His worry at seeing you look so frail and weak. The guilt you had seen once he had realized you were there--

He was scared.

Lowering yourself to the ground, you can’t help but laugh a little at how he casts his sword to the ground while reaching to catch you in the same motion, uncaring of where his blade ends up. “I’m not dying, Zenos. I’m not falling apart.” you sigh wistfully, motioning to the ground for him to sit next to you.

Pursing his lips, he seems to debate between picking you up and carrying you back inside, versus giving into your whims. “You’ve not seen the horrors of my father’s experiments.” He answers instead, lowering himself to the cool grass to your side, one knee bent with the other leg extended before him. You relish in his slight intake of breath as you shuffle to be closer to him, leaning upon his warmth. It’s not too cool out, but the furnace that is his body isn’t unpleasant. “But I suppose for that, I am thankful.”

“I’ve not. And I’m glad I didn’t.” you murmur, relaxing immediately from his presence alone.

The two of you are quiet, Zenos stiff as if he does not know what to do with this nearness from you. “I...I’m glad I had found you in the condition I had. I had feared the worst.” he admits, which coming from him, is no small feat.

Gazing up at the moon, you rest your weight fully upon him, his arm naturally coming to support you and hold you close, almost as if on instinct. His hand seems unsure where to place itself, so you help by gently coaxing it to sling around your waist, linking your fingers with his. “He had told me so many horrible things. He told me how awfully he would treat you.” you murmur, satisfied to stay just like this.

“What did he tell you?”

His voice is guarded, cornered. Scared.

“He told me...that he forced himself on your mother.” You answer, unable to look him in the face.

He tenses then, skin heating before you tighten your grip on his hand, hearing his deep breaths behind you as he calms himself down. “The story the public knows is that my mother passed away due to sickness. Only a select few know the truth.” His voice is far away, distant, as if lost within a nightmare. “After all, it’s not really palatable to have it leak out that your father had threatened to have your mother killed if she tried to run. That when she felt she had no option left, she had killed herself.”

Gasping, you turn in his arms to look at him, finding nothing but an emotionless gaze staring back. You can see the truth in his eyes, a pain so guarded and so deep that you wonder if this is the first time he’s told anyone else. “Zenos,”

“After all, wouldn’t you do the same? Would you not burst into hysterics upon looking at the child you not only had forced upon you, but were also forced to bear?” he laughs humorlessly, as if the joke is tired and worn out, the punchline having lost its kick.

You wonder if he can hear your heart breaking.

“Zenos,” you whisper carefully, reaching with both hands to cup his face, feeling its warmth but a cold expression is all you get in return.

“I do not need your pity.” he snips, though he makes no move to push you away. “I’ve had my share of it. And for what? It would not bring my mother back. Not that she would want to stay anyway. Not when she gave birth to a monster.”

Tears pool in your eyes at his words, wondering how much he had of this locked up inside, and for how long?

How long had he not known love?

One of his hands reaches up to dab at a tear trailing down your cheek, frowning as he does so. “Why do you cry? I told you I didn’t want your pity.”

“I’m crying for you.” You murmur, turning in his hold to be on your knees, crowding closer to where he parts his legs more to give you room to sit between them. “Because you’ve not had the chance to do it for yourself.”

His lips part at that, emotions of all kinds warring on his face before he settles on anger. “You are a fool if you think that would change things.”

“I’m not trying to change things you idiot!” you whisper harshly, not wanting to yell and potentially wake anyone up. “You come and save me from being experimented upon by your father until I die and you don’t want me to show you I’m at least a little grateful? When I had started to believe that no one would come for me and you carried me out in your arms?”

“Sweet words won’t excuse your cowardice.” he growls, trying to pull away. “That even after you apologized, you had gone running back into my father’s arms.”

“For you!” You snap, clutching his face desperately.

Confused, he shakes his head. “What do you--”

“You think I would go back to the asshole willingly?” you seethe, begging him to understand. “That me, a cop, would want anything to do with his desire to be a dictator? To remember the good ole days of imperial rule?” Despite your earlier reservations, you raise your voice with every question. “Do you know how much it hurt to be apart from you? To see the betrayal in your eyes as I left your side for no other reason than to try and take your father down so you would be free from his influence? To fall for you--”

Your words catch in your throat, unable to take them back. The two of you only stare at one another, wide eyed and frozen as your unsaid words hang between you, wishing you could simply disappear. Zenos is solid as a board and your heart sinks, releasing his face as you begin to stand. “I should get back inside,”

He pulls you back to him forcefully, not letting you flee back to the safety of your room. You try to tug away but you’re still too weak to fight against his might, huffing and puffing for him to release you as you try to run from the shame of your actions. “Let go of me,” you whine, resisting his touch as he wraps his arm around you like a vice, refusing to let you go anywhere.

The rough pads of his fingers urge you to face him as you squirm in his arms, not wanting to face him, to face your feelings. “Honey.” He breathes, finally getting you at a suitable angle to press his lips to yours, ashamed at how easily you melt in his arms. He deepens the kiss, full of all the passion, the emotion you now know he’s capable of, threading his fingers into your hair as you rest your hands upon his chest before looping around his shoulders.

The kiss is all passion, all affection, all possession as your tongues dance together, as teeth nibble each other's lips, as you breathe each other's air. You fall into him just as easily as you did the first time, wondering how on earth did you get here? It is only when he feels you crying again does he pull apart, dabbing gently at your tears with an indescribable emotion upon his angelic features.

“You would run because you’re afraid of what you feel for me?” he asks, holding you as if you were made of the most delicate glass. The same man who had no problem flipping you over his back, grappling you like a wrestler, was now cradling you as if you were the most important thing in the world to him. “I have never run from how I feel for you, even if I cannot understand it. I have only wanted you. It can only be you.”

“You don’t get it!” You sob, pounding your fists on his chest. “I love you, you idiot! I was sent to try and take you and your father down and look where I am! I fell for you instead, I’m having your ch--” you stop yourself once again, afraid of what he would possibly think.

“I do not know love but I do know I would have no other. Is that not good enough?” he asks, desperate to understand, and Twelve above you wish he did. Perhaps he loves you in his own way, but there’s so much of him that needs healing, so many bad habits he needs to break before you could truly be by his side. It occurs to you only now that you looked at him through rose-tinted glasses, seeing nothing but the happiness he brought you, and you alone.

A child brings new questions into the mix.

Would he treat the child the same way he treated you? Would he fall into the bad habits of his father, having no good example of how to be a parent? Continuing a cycle of abuse because he had never known love? Would he train that child for the sole purpose of becoming stronger, unsatisfied until either of them fell in battle?

Deep down you knew you were being foolish, but fear overcame reason as you kept your eyes shut tight, crying against his chest as he held you. It was such an irrational fear, one you were completely self aware of, but that did not stop you from crying, nor did it stop you from falling into his embrace as he kissed you once more.

You are no stranger to Zenos’ touch, though you are a stranger to how gently he treats you as you recover from being detained by Varis. Only with your permission do you allow him to visit, except visitation is not satisfactory. He all but moves into your room, seeing to your needs during the day until he goes about his own business before returning to you at night. He’s always there to bring you your meals, sitting in comfortable silence or making light conversation, making you remember just how much you loved him, until he reminded you just how much you needed to run away when this was all over.

You only wish he knew how hard he was making it for you.

There wasn’t a need of yours that wasn’t seen to by Zenos personally. Whatever you wanted to eat, he went and got it. If you wanted to walk around, he was the one to pull your IV pump along, leaving you free to simply stretch your legs. From fluffing your pillow to simply being a warm body to hold at night, there was nothing he would not do for your sake.

This wasn’t going to be easy.

As you recuperated and strength once again flowed through your limbs, he turned into your physical therapist, helping you stretch your muscles and make you limber enough to fight again. He would only spar lightly at your request, making you feign exhaustion so he didn’t feel angry for making himself hold back. Naturally you made sure to avoid all blows to your abdominal area, flowing like water around his strikes, taking a more defensive approach, which you thought would make him angry.

It had the opposite effect. It seemed to only make him want you more, pursuing you like a man possessed, fucking you into the floor until your voice was hoarse from crying out his name.

This is how I got here in the first place, you grumble to yourself, walking with him to meet up with Cid and Merlwyb on another part of the estate. There was hardly a day he was not by your side, something you did not mind after spending so long apart, but you began to think it strange considering the circumstances. Varis had to be wondering where he was. But if Zenos was not worried, you figured you shouldn’t be either.

Reaching the conference room turned “briefing room”, you give a small wave to Cid and Merlwyb who greet you in return. “You’re looking better by the day, Honey. I’m glad to see you’re making a recovery.” Cid welcomes, standing from his chair to come give you a hug. You return it with equal measure, glad to have people on your side. “Please sit. We haven’t been waiting long.”

Nodding, you pull a chair out from the table, not at all surprised as Zenos takes a seat in the one directly next to you. “I’m sorry to delay everything for so long.”

“Your recovery was paramount, Honey.” Merlwyb speaks up, giving you a serious look. “You have shouldered so much of this upon your back. There is no way we could ask you to put your life on the line anymore than we already have.”

“But I want to. I want to take him down.” You insist, refusing to take no for an answer. Merlwyb looks ready to argue but Cid quickly interjects, physically leaning between the two of you.

“Easy there, ladies. We’ve got a common goal, and let’s just look at the facts before we start making plans.” Cid offers in the interest of neutrality, slowly sitting back down in his chair. “We’ve got quite a bit of information to catch Honey up on anyway.” He sighs, reaching for a remote and turning on the mounted TV. The screen is paused with Varis’ face on it, a news ticker reading “Varis Unveils Revolutionary Technology”, your heart immediately sinking.

“This has been on the news for nearly two weeks. Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking. Varis has revealed his ‘discovery’ of aether upon your capture.” Cid grounds out, clicking on the remote to start the clip. It is silent, but the clip continues to play, allowing Cid to speak. “It’s been a nightmare since. I’ve been called by more news outlets than I care to remember asking for my response.”

Sadness creeps into his features as he watches the TV with a forlorn expression. “As I had told you, my father’s laboratory had burned down, leaving me with no physical proof that it was he who originally discovered aether. All I have is my word against his ‘proof’.” Banging his fist against the table, he runs his hands through his hair. “It’s infuriating.”

Clicking the remote a different press conference plays on the TV, Varis showing off different bits of technology powered by aether. "He's got the public in the palm of his hand. Everyone's dazzled by the power of aether, but of course only we know the truth. We know that aether is not to be messed with, that it is dangerous and more powerful than we could possibly comprehend." Cid explains, tapping his fingers against the table. "I've considered trying to make my own sample, to show what a volatile resource it is…"

"We already discussed this Cid. Absolutely not." Merlwyb interjects. Their interaction comes as a slight surprise. Merlwyb was Cid’s senior by barely a decade, but within the past month they became fast friends. "Varis has already tried to take your life once and is already so sure of his victory that he's content to leave you alone for now. Let's not give him reason to try and take you out."

Nodding grimly, Cid turns back to you. "As you can see, we've got our hands tied. Varis is, if anything thorough, making it hard to plan any sort of move. We're running out of time."

Gnawing your lip, you find yourself focusing on what Merlwyb had said. "If...do you think he would try and target Lord Hien?" The room is completely silent, and you don’t know if it’s because they find the notion preposterous, or they wonder how the thought has never crossed their mind. “I mean, clearly Varis has to think he’s nigh untouchable now. He’s attempted to kill Cid once without facing any consequences. He successfully killed Raubahn and forced Merlwyb into hiding. Don’t you think…?”

Cid drags his hands over his face, heaving out a dry laugh. “Nymeia save me, I think you might be onto something.”

“But Cid, why would he need to kill Hien? The election is so close, he’s already done so much to make himself look like the ideal candidate. What more could killing Hien do for him?” Merlwyb questions, posing some good points.

“An easy win.”

The three of you turn to Zenos who has remained uncharacteristically quiet this entire exchange. “Honey has been around my father long enough by now to understand how he thinks. However, as his son,” he grounds out, “I have intimate knowledge of how his mind works.” Shifting in his seat, he sighs. “Before he had stopped telling me of his plans, he thought himself untouchable; he had evaded you all for decades.” He explains, looking pointedly at Merlwyb before his gaze shifts to Cid. “And the only one who could ever bring any evidence against him had no physical proof, nor the courage to say anything.”

Giving a frustrated sigh, Cid turns once again to the TV. “I can’t deny that. My own cowardice has allowed this to go on for as long as it has.” Cid murmurs, fidgeting with the remote in his hand.

“And if he were to kill Hien, who could stop him?” Zenos asks, glancing around the table. “The Chief has been killed, and the only other ‘good cop’ remains hidden for her own safety. Who is next in command to take Raubahn Aldynn’s place?”

You gasp, turning to Zenos. “Ilberd.”

Shrugging, the heir goes back to looking bored once again. “With his longtime supporter at the head of police, it would be no problem to have Hien’s death look like nothing more than an accident even if he shot him point blank on national television.”

“Twelve above…” Merlwyb whispers, burying her face in her hand. “Decades worth of planning. Decades worth of moves. I had always suspected Ilberd, but on this large a scale…” Gasping, her eyes widened in horror. “By the Twelve, he has the entire police force under his control. If he wins the seat, he would have an entire army--”

The room is silent once again, the three of you processing the scope of Varis’ plans. When he boasted of his intellect, you had thought little of it, knowing that like any businessman he was educated, but to be so thorough, to make the right connections, to plan this far ahead…

Clenching your fist, you stand to your feet. “We have to save Lord Hien.”

“I don’t disagree, but--”

“But what, Chief Merlwyb? I refuse to have another person die because of that bastard!” Your chest is heaving, Cid looking surprised at your outburst while Merlwyb maintains her composure, giving you a knowing look.

“Honey, please calm down.” She urges, reaching across the table to place her hand atop of your own. Something silent passes between the two of you and you take a few calming breaths, sitting back in your seat. “If you will allow me to finish, what I was trying to say is that this is not something we can go into guns blazing. We are dealing with a man who knows how to run circles around the law; this I know well. We will have to make a plan that is fool proof and draws no attention to us.” Her eyes turn to the heir sitting by your side. “Especially now that we’ve got his son on our side.”

At that Zenos fixes Merlwyb with a hot glare. “And where did you get the notion that I would be assisting you in any way, shape, or form?” Zenos asks, his voice even and neutral, but you can see the rage within his eyes.

“If you are not helping us, then why have you stayed here, Zenos?” Cid asks sternly.

“Is it not obvious?” Zenos scoffs, eyes upon you. “My only focus has been, and always will be Honey. But even then…” Something haunting passes through his eyes, seeming far away before coming back to the present. “...even then I could not aid you. I cannot go against my father, but I will no longer aid him either.” Standing to his feet, he prepares to leave but you snag his hand, giving him a pleading look.

“Zenos...I,” you begin, unsure what to say. “We could use your help.”

Shaking his head, he tugs his hand free and continues on his way, saying nothing else. Your heart breaks that much more to see him go.

Stewing in your thoughts a bit, you find yourself a bit hurt at Zenos’ refusal to take down his father, but try to think about it calmly. Given what he revealed to you, that his own mother did not want him, saw him as a monster, who knows what psychological damage had been done to him to make him unwilling to raise a hand against his father?

You’d make a point to ask him about it later, but for the time being, you needed to make a plan. “We’ll have to carry on without Zenos. He’s not against us, which is almost the same as being on our side. Trust me...if Zenos did truly serve his father and Varis had kept me hidden, the only being who can take Zenos down, Varis truly would be unstoppable.” Cid and Merlwyb nod grimly at your words, having no other choice. “Do we have any way of contacting Lord Hien?”

“I have his number due to working with him for the...rally. The only problem is he’s surely seen my funeral and thinks me dead.” Merlwyb answers, flipping through her phone.

“In that case, perhaps Cid can give a call, especially since he has the technology to make sure it isn’t tampered with.” You direct, having taken the lead. “We’ll call Lord Hien and apprise him of as much information as we can. If I have to go in and make the rescue myself, then so be it.”

“Absolutely not.” Cid interjects, eyebrows pinched together. “I will not have you shouldering this entire operation again. Besides, if you’re not familiar with Lord Hien, he’s got an excellent shadow of his own I hear. Yugiri, I believe her name is. What she lacks in your sheer strength she more than makes up for in stealth. In fact, she just might be our ticket to get Lord Hien to safety.”

Unfortunately, Lord Hien has other plans.

Cid contacts Hien as promised, relaying as much information in as little time as possible. Lord Hien expresses his concern and guilt for the recent happenings, and due to the credibility of your accusations, hears you out.

However, he will not escape.

“But Lord Hien,”

The three of you are seated in the same conference room, staring at the TV screen where current Kugane Prime Minister, Lord Hien sits staring back.

“I understand your concern, Mr. Garlond,” Hien pauses, handsome face deadly serious. “But this would be a terrible time to abandon the public. I would go as far to say that my sudden disappearance would only usher Varis into his seat faster.”

Biting your lip, you can’t deny he’s right, but still you worry. “But we can’t let him get to you either!”

“Do not worry for me, my friends.” Hien smiles, as if all will be well. “I did not say I won’t take safety measures. I will remain out of the public eye, and stay hidden with those who I know are loyal to me. These past few years as Prime Minister have allowed me the opportunity to gain many allies.” Hien explains calmly, pausing to take a sip of water. “This will also allow me to help you behind the scenes as well.”

“While we appreciate your aid, Lord Hien, this entire operation is contingent on you living. Will you not reconsider coming into our custody where we know we can protect you?” Merlwyb asks, sounding as strong as ever.

“The operation does not revolve around me, my friends. It revolves around Varis atoning for the crimes he has committed against the people.” Hien frowns, threading his hands together. “He has murdered civilians he is desperate to rule over. Lied and stolen from his constituents. While Kugane needs a good leader, yes, it does not have to be me.” Smiling, something about him makes you wish you knew that kind of calm. “While I appreciate that you want me to remain in my seat, what matters most is his crimes coming to light and being locked away for what he’s done.”

Unable to argue against that kind of logic, you merely stand from your seat. “I understand. I need a moment of rest, so if you will excuse me.”

Not stopping to hear what anyone has to say, you flee from the room, allowing your feet to carry you anywhere within the estate.

Lord Hien either put too much faith in you, or he was a fool.

His certainty that all would be well, that things would work out, where did it come from? You could see his appeal, a confident, easy going charisma backed by an unwavering sense of justice, of doing right by the people. All the things that Varis lacked, that would make Hien the ideal candidate for Kugane.

But he was right. No matter how ideal he was, what mattered most was making sure Varis did not come into power. Even if it meant Hien somehow died in the process.

It was a tough pill to swallow, that Lord Hien was so okay with being a willing target so long as Varis was brought to justice. It made you feel as if his life was in your hands, a deeper part of you whispering to trust in his words, that he would do his best to keep himself safe.

Coming to a stop to a door leading outside, you step out into warm, summer air, feeling the grass between your toes. Days like these did wonder for your mood, making sure you made a point to keep as much stress off of you as possible. With everything going on, it was hard to do, but Merlwyb had aided in that department, making sure you kept your temper in check for the sake of the child growing inside of you.

The thought of getting rid of it had occurred to you more than once, to simply rid yourself of all the “what ifs” and “maybes” and be done with it. But each time you did, you found yourself weakened by the thought of being able to give your child everything you didn’t have. To raise her with the same love and adoration in which Minfilia had raised you.

When this was all said and done, you would have plenty of time to make your escape. Perhaps you would flee to Eorzea, make a new life and name for yourself there. You doubt Zenos would care enough to spend time to track you down on another continent, making it the ideal place to start anew. You could get a new home. You could find a new job.

You could continue running away from the best thing to ever happen to you.

[ussjellyfish]

Felix’s birth story

So I never wrote this out after he was born, or last year, and this year, my little gentleman is 2, and it seems like the time to tell it.

So, Felix’s birth story under the cut. (unmedicated vaginal delivery, really almost boring).

Felix’s due date was January 14th, and he was born on January 14th. I went for a walk the night before, and it was cold, really cold (-25C ish), and really beautiful and icy.

After midnight I had contractions, and I don’t think I could have said what a contraction was before I had them, but when I had them, it was obvious. (so that was nice!)

And they didn’t hurt at first, they were kind of consuming and tight and I couldn’t sleep through them. I did try to sleep. I lay there in the dark and listened to Drastic Measures (Star Trek Discovery) on audiobook because I had that on my phone and it didn’t take any effort.

My cats came and slept on me and it was actually kind of nice (but weird, intimidating because at some point it was going to hurt and be more intense and I wasn’t quite ready and when do you actually go to the hospital (I didn’t want to go early and be bored).

My water broke at around 430am, and it was weirdly just like they tell you. A pop kind of and gush, like I’d suddenly peed my pants without feeling like peeing.

I got up, I took off my pajamas, I put towels on my bed and then I couldn’t sleep anymore. I hadn’t bothered to time anything, I hadn’t looked at my phone, and I remember leaning on his crib, dancing around a little because they were pretty tight and wondering if I should use the contraction timer (which I hadn’t even looked at but I did have on my phone).

So I did that for about half an hour and I remember staring at the times thinking “these are too close together, I should wait until they are further apart and then go” They’d said around 5 minutes apart, you could head in.

Mine were three minutes or less apart then, and they lasted almost a minute. They hurt, a little, like my whole belly was tightening up and almost bouncing down? Very weird. Truly a unique experience.

So I woke up my mom after 5 and told her to walk the dog. She was staying with me with her rather annoying dog and my mom’s rather annoying so I wasn’t thrilled. We already had the car seat in the car and I had a bag (which included my star trek robe, always a good choice).

Mom was kind of skeptical, I guess because I wasn’t in that much pain. It did hurt, now, like the worst menstrual cramps I’d ever had and kind of bigger (I suppose my uterus was a lot bigger). It was cold and my mom was complaining about my car (I needed the brakes fixed) and we listened to classical music on the radio because she was grumpy.

It was after 6 when we got to the hospital, and we walked in and I remember in the parking lot was the first contraction I couldn’t walk through. I just stood there because it really hurt and if I was still, it was fine. And then you fill out paperwork and they offered me a wheelchair, which I didn’t want. Then they send me into a room to get checked and I took my clothes off and I was so wet, fluid was leaking and it just keep leaking and I was sweaty and they put a monitor on me and made me sit on the bed

Which sucked. Holding still sucked, sitting sucked and then they did an internal exam which was really uncomfortable and one of the women from my labor class had been sent home because she wasn’t in labor enough, and I was worried, because going home sounded so annoying.

I was at 8 centimeters, so I did not have to go home and the stupid monitor said Felix was fine. (stupid monitor). So we walked to the delivery room, which had purple lights, and I wanted to take a bath SO much and they wouldn’t let me because of the monitor. (my monitor hatred is strong).

My doula came, and she was awesome awesome. I hadn’t met her before and I didn’t get the one I thought I’d have because I was apparently so close they sent the faster one who lived closer. We changed positions a lot and wandered around and I remember basically peeing on the floor because I didn’t have to pee that much and they also weren’t that keen on mme going to the toilet. I don’t know why. They just put towels on the floor and it was fine.

My doctor was a 2nd year resident, and we were his second continuity of care delivery (where he’d been my prenatal too). He’s very sweet and enthusiastic. The teaching doc we got is this very calm Asian woman with small hands and really pretty hair. She came in around 8 because then I could push.

They made me lie down, which was annoying. They were worried about Felix being too big because I had gestational diabetes (mild and a huge point of contention because they just made everything hell).

I had to hold my legs and pushing is just the strangest movement because it’s muscles you usually don’t use. The light was bright over the bed and I did swear a few times, or yell, because it hurt and it was more just...frustrating and exhausting because it hurt and then it would still hurt and I did the right things but he would get closer and then go back.

I remember them wanting me to push with every contraction and there was one where I just took a break. Screw you guys.

I never really felt the bearing down they talk about. I thought I’d hit somewhere when I wanted to push and I didn’t. My hand hurt because the stupid IV was doing something. I had to hold on to my legs and that was annoying.

They decided they needed to do an episiotomy, and I’m still kind of bitter about this because we didn’t try changing positions (my doula did ask I was just not in the position to argue or advocate).

That part is really strange. I didn’t have any fight. I was tired, sure, but I was really agreeable. I’m told this is hormones too.

The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and kind of short, so I’d push him down and it would pull him back up. So they numbed me up (getting the needles in for that hurt) and my teaching doc did the cutting and then I pushed once and he just fell out.

He was just there, and damn, not being pregnant anymore feels really great. Kind of empty, but you’re so bendy-flexible- not under any tension anymore. It’s great.

And the placenta was nothing. It just kind of squelched out. It did look cool.

He had chubby arms and a chubby face and he was totally fine. I held him for a bit, he was not interested in eating, so they weighed him and gave him a hat and a heel poke and they stiched up the episiotomy.

That hurt, and my student doc was doing the stitches and he went outside the anesthetic for a few stitches and damn. I remember saying fuck a few times.  I also got to get up to pee and I had one nurse called Katie who had been there and two more had come in at the end and they didn’t want to let me up, but I stood up just fine.

My nurse Katie said I hadn’t had an epidural and I think that was rather rare because they were surprised I could just walk.

And I was tired, like I’d been running or swimming or climbing, something really full body exhausting, but it didn’t hurt really.

We moved to the other room and Felix and I watched CNN and eventually we worked out how to get the boob in his mouth (more of it than I thought had to go in there).

and it was really boring. My mom stayed and my dad came and...it was still boring. Felix was very cute and cuddly and he wanted boob and snuggles and I remember changing his diapers and holding him (those funny sticky black new baby diapers) and he just wanted to be held all the time, and we atched pointless television because they won’t just let you go home.

I got ibuprofen and paracetemol and pancakes. I had pancakes right after he was born because I was so hungry.

And chocolate pudding and they were terrible pancakes but, I was hungry.

They made me pee in a weird upside down hat thing that went on the toilet a few times and then they left me alone.

It was very alone. I remember holding him in the bath in his blanket because I wanted a bath but I didn’t want him to get lonely and cry so I couldn’t grab him.

I was so sleep deprived and they don’t want you hold him in bed and fall asleep so he went down and back and down and back and I did eventually just give up and hold him and sleep.

He was also a perfect size. We went home the next day, which was too long in the hospital, especially after I got released at 1pm and he didn’t get out until 7pm because he was a little yellow. (he bounced back fine, but was a little yellow at first)

Then we went home, and watched Discovery and the Witcher and Korean zombie dramas and I ate so much chocolate peanut butter pretzels. My Doula came to visit, and we talked and I remember thinking kind of in a shellshocked way that I was really annoyed they made me push on my back and I couldn’t do anything about it.

It’s actually not a good position! It goes against the spine and I had my feet in stirrups and I had a nasty bruise on my hand from my IV (that I also didn’t need, they just ran saline the whole time) and my pinkie finger was all tingly (that took weeks to get back to normal).

And all the “you just had a baby” advice is totally crap if you’re single. Let someone else...do the dishes cook for you do...

No, you do ALL the things and baby, and change diapers in the middle of the night and feed them (constantly, it’s so constant).

And take the kiddo to get his blood checked when it’s -35C outside. (poor little guy, he was fine, didn’t even need the light jacket). And get weighed (he was getting plenty of milk and chubbed up fast).

But newborns have no personality. (in my opinion They don’t even really ‘like’ you. You feed them and you make them comfortable and they sleep, and sleep, and snuggle.

Star Trek got me through a lot those first couple months until he was big enough to know I was there (like actually know me)

[frozenprocedural]

[100: "Okay fine, one more story, but then you really have to go to bed."] Pretty please?

Sorry, this took me so long to finish! But it’s a fantastic tie-in to TDOE! So here’s my submission for TDOE “Scarf”. This takes place in @the-spaztic-fantastic‘s “Tale of Two Cities” verse, particularly following her story “In Troubled Times”. Go read it, it’s amazing. I really do hope I do the verse justice. My first time trying to write a bit of Agduna.

Alarik, Jenny and Dag belong to @patricia-von-arundel.

Scarf

"Bes'mor? I can't sleep."

Iduna looked up from her book to see Jenny toddle in, dragging her well-loved stuffed frog behind her. Iduna set the book aside and opened her arms, helping Jenny clamber onto her lap, both of them settling back into the overstuffed recliner. 

"Can't sleep, little one? That's no good." Iduna stroked a hand through her granddaughter's soft hair, already forming into distinctive curls like Alarik's. But her face- tipped upwards- was all Elsa's. Iduna could see the fear and worry Jenny was trying to hide. 

Iduna knew exactly what was on Jenny's mind, because it had been on everyone's mind for the past two days.

……………….

"MAMA!"

The scream jolted Iduna awake. Next to her, Agnarr uttered a sleepy, questioning grunt. Her own foggy mind tried to figure out what was going on- why the scream felt wrong. Was Jenny…

No, that wasn't Jenny. That was Elsa.

Elsa, screaming in agony.

Iduna threw off the covers, rushing down the hall faster than she knew she was able to. She heard Agnarr struggling to extract himself, but her only concern was Elsa. Her daughter needed her. 

When she got to Elsa's childhood bedroom, Iduna saw her daughter curled about her swollen middle, shaking and moaning in pain.

"Elsa? What's wrong?"

Elsa looked up, and from the faint light of the streetlights, Iduna could see her pupils were dilated, and tears coursed down her cheeks.

"Mama, it hurts. It hurts so much." Elsa's voice was soft, almost childlike. She hadn't called Iduna "Mama" in decades. 

Swallowing back her own panic, Iduna switched on the light and came to Elsa's side. It was then that she saw the blood spreading across the sheets. 

…………

"I don't like the tubes an' straws."

Iduna blinked, struggling to pull herself out of memories and back to reality. 

"Tubes and straws? What do you mean?"

Jenny curled up, tucking her head against Iduna's chest. "Mama had them. In her arms. They were scary." Her voice was muffled, but Iduna could hear the tremble in her words. 

"Oh, little one, that is rather scary, isn't it?" Iduna reached behind her and pulled down the well-worn shawl, knitted by her own mother. She wrapped it around Jenny, making sure to tuck the ends in, quickly wiping the tears that threatened to leak out. 

If she was honest with herself, the wires and tubes frightened Iduna as well.

………………

"Mister and Missus Runardsund?"

Iduna startled, so lost in her thoughts she'd failed to hear the nurse approach. Next to her, Agnarr all but shot up, tension in every line of his body. The nurse- Leisel, Iduna remembered- gave him a wary look. 

Not that Iduna blamed her. Agnarr had… lost his temper when Leisel prevented him from going past the waiting room when Elsa was brought in. Iduna admired the nurse- few could stand up to her husband like she had- completely unfazed despite him being well over a foot taller than her. 

Iduna rose slowly, feeling the dread grow. Her traitorous mind conjured the awful dialogue- "I'm so sorry, but there was nothing we could do…"

Were they to lose both their daughter and grandchild?

It took a second for Iduna to realize that Leisel was speaking.

"...significant blood loss, however, we were able to stop it, and Elsa made it through the surgery. We have her in an ICU room right now, but we are hopeful that this will be temporary. Her baby was taken to the NICU. Unfortunatly at this time, I can only allow one guest in the room. By tomorrow, we'll be able to increase the visitor limit, but for now- I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Iduna murmured, feeling it was anything but, "It's hospital policy. Agnarr, do you…?"

He shook his head, reaching out to take her hand. "Go. I'll be down in a bit to switch with you. Go see our daughter."

Iduna nodded, then turned to follow Lesiel. Along the way, Lesiel gave her more information, speaking about vitals and statistics that Iduna only half-listened to. Eventially they stopped in front of a closed door. Leseil placed her hand on the door handle and looked up.

"I do want to warn you, Missus Runardsund, it may be difficult to see your daughter right now. We have her connected to several machines, so I want to make sure you know what you'll be seeing."

Iduna felt her throat constrict. "Let… let me see her, please." 

Lesiel nodded and pushed open the door.

She wished Agnarr had come with her. Because no amount of pharmaceutical knowledge, no warning from Lesiel, could prevent Iduna from staggering and sucking in a sharp breath.

A veritable web of wires and tubes sprouted from Elsa's body, snaking to various machines that whirred, buzzed and beeped. Her skin was pale, even for Elsa, with a grayish tinge and bruises already growing where the needles sunk in. 

Iduna made her way to the bedside, taking Elsa's hand in her own, trying to ignore how cold and clammy it was. Tried to see her daughter past the mechanics keeping her alive.

Tried to keep hope.

………….

"Can you read me a story?"

Iduna smiled, almost relieved. She often wished she had her granddaughter's ability to move on quickly. Even though Iduna had already read a story earlier in the evening, she certainly wouldn't deny her another one.

"Okay fine, one more story, but then you really have to go to bed."

Jenny made a small sound of triumph as Iduna stood, making her way over to the section of the bookshelf she and Agnarr ensured to be well-stocked with children's stories. Freeing a hand, Iduna ran a finger over the titles until she found one that made her smile. Pulling it out, Iduna returned to the rocker and situated Jenny back on her lap, making sure the shawl was wrapped comfortably about her. Iduna put on her reading glasses and showed Jenny the title. 

"Guess How Much I Love You!" Jenny cheered. "I love this book!"

"Oh, I know. I gave your copy to your Mama when you were still in her belly. Now, let's begin…"

…………..

Iduna lowered Jenny into bed, brushing away a strand of flyaway hair and lightly tucking the blankets around her. Jenny took after Elsa with blankets- she didn't use many, and by morning, they were often in a heap on the floor, no matter what the temperature. Iduna didn't remove the shawl- Jenny needed it more than she did.

"She's asleep?"

Agnarr’s voice was pitched low and quiet- Jenny didn't so much as stir. Iduna nodded and made one last check to ensure Frog and Chicken were cuddled close before rising- her knees got worse each year, she swore. She joined Agnarr in the hall, leaving the door open just enough they could hear Jenny if need be.

"She video-chatted with Elsa today. She said the IV and monitor lines scared her." 

Agnarr pulled her close, resting his head atop hers. "They scare me. But from what Alarik said today, she won't need them in too much longer."

Iduna curled her head into his chest, breathing deeply, taking comfort in his solid form. She could feel tears leaking from her eyes. Agnarr rubbed her back, murmuring softly in Norwegian, calming her.

The sound of the front door opening broke them apart, and they both came to the landing to see Alarik stagger in. He was haggard-looking, with stubble covering his face and neck, and deep shadows under his eyes. Iduna rushed down to meet him, and he gave her a weak smile. 

"How is Jenny?"

"She's doing okay. She just went to sleep a few minutes ago." Iduna was helping Alarik remove his jacket and saw the concerned look on his face. No good trying to hide anything from him.

"The monitoring equipment on Elsa scared her when they video-chatted today. So we read a story together, and she was able to fall asleep."

Alarik looked blankly at her for a few seconds, then sank to the step, dropping his face into his hands. His shoulders shook, and Iduna could hear soft, broken sobs. 

"Oh, Alarik." She sat down next to him, wrapping her arms around him the best she could. "There, there, let it out. Just let it all out." Alarik didn't lift his head, but he did lean into her, and Iduna couldn't help but to wonder how long he'd been keeping everything bottled up, to keep a strong appearance for everyone.

He was too much like his father-in-law for his own good sometimes.

Agnarr settled on the step behind them, wrapping an arm around Iduna, and, after a moment's hesitation, Alarik as well. For how long they sat like that, Iduna wasn't sure, but then a soft voice spoke over Alarik's quieting sobs.

"Papa? Are you okay?"

They all looked up simultaneously to see Jenny at the top of the stairs, wrapped in the shawl. She padded down the stairs and squeezed her way to Alarik's open side, removing the shawl and doing her best to put it over his shoulders. Iduna caught the other end and adjusted it. Alarik sniffed and pulled his daughter close.

"I'm sorry, Eldig. It's… it's been a long day for me."

"You're tired?"

Alarik wiped away the tears clinging to his cheeks and nodded. "I am, Eldig. Quite tired."

Jenny took his hand, tugging. "Let's go to bed, Papa." 

Iduna stood up with Alarik, motioning with her head for Agnarr, who was watching the scene with an unreadable look, to move. "That's a very good idea, Jenny. In fact, do you think you can share your bed with Papa tonight?" When Alarik opened his mouth, she raised an eyebrow. "You need to be together tonight." She was glad at that moment that she and Agnarr had kept the full bed in Anna's old room, even though it often looked like Jenny was being eaten by it. 

Jenny nodded enthusiastically, pulling Alarik's hand. "Come on Papa, we'll have a sleepover!" Alarik gamely allowed himself to be led up the stairs, turning to mouth 'Thank you' to Iduna. 

Agnarr's hand found hers, and she squeezed it. "I think it's time for all of us to get some rest."

Iduna followed his lead up the stairs, back to their room. She peeked into Anna's old room as they passed, finding Jenny already curled into Alarik's side. He looked already half-asleep, but he gave her a small smile before tucking the shawl around Jenny. 

Iduna smiled back. They would be alright. It would take time, but they would be alright.

[copias-thrall]

There’s a New Papa in Town

The whole clergy was buzzing about it. Something had happened during the Ritual in Mexico. Sure, there had been hushed whispers about whether or not The Cardinal would meet the same end as the Emeritus brothers—but when the shaky footage of Papa Nihil had leaked, the Sibling’s dorms had erupted into bedlam.

And then the power had gone out.

*power play; power imbalance*

Ghouls slithered out of the darkness—not the feral but somewhat tame band Ghouls—the ones that still hissed and snarled to communicate and watched each human with hungry eyes. Phones were confiscated, and the Siblings were escorted back to their rooms—locks clicking from the outside—where they lit candles and talked softly to their roommates.

And if some of them though they heard howls and screams in the distance, they convinced each other it was just the wind through the old bones of the Abbey.

The next morning, Siblings awoke to the sounds of keys turning in their locks; they warily emerged into the halls where they were once again escorted like kindergartners to the mess hall (and if anyone noticed a slight dwindle of their numbers, no one said so). Sister Imperator stood at the head, stick straight as usual, flanked by her personal Ghouls.

After everyone had sat down, Imperator raised her hand—a subtle order for silence. When she had everyone’s attention, she spoke—her commanding voice loud enough the fill the hall even without the aid of a mic.

“Good morning, everyone. Last night there were higher than normal winds that knocked out some of our wires. The Ghouls were kind enough to help you back into your rooms for your own safety. You should thank them for their assistance.”

When no one spoke, the Ghouls at her side made “go on” motions, and the hall was briefly filled with the murmurs and mumbles of thanks.

“Very good,” said Sister, her voice clipped. “I’ve been told the electricity should be back on soon, but until then we’ll just have to make due with a cold breakfast.”

No one moved—some Siblings were literally at the edges of their seats—waiting to see if Sister Imperator would talk about It. The steel in her gaze seemed to meet everyone and no one at once. She lifted her chin and clapped twice.

“Chop chop! A power outage will get no one out of their chores or lessons. Breakfast hour still ends promptly at 9am.”

Slowly, the crowd in the hall began to move—quicker when they realized they’d have to fight over the potpourri that was set out for breakfast. Sister Imperator turned to leave, her Ghouls following a step behind, and it wasn’t until she’d reached the doorway that she’d turned her head over her shoulder and said,

“And I expect each and every one of you to be extra diligent in your chores today—Papa will be returning home tomorrow morning.”

She left the room before what she’d said even reached half of the gathered Siblings.

Excited chatter broke out as the game of telephone both amplified and muted the importance of her words. By lunch the rumors were flying, but without power, there was no confirming any of them. Their phones had been returned—all mysteriously without charge.

By dinner, everyone had stories of Copia’s favorites being summoned or taken by Ghouls. Some argued that meant The Cardinal was out of favor while others argued for it. That night, Sister Imperator imposed an early curfew and again had them locked into their rooms—for safety—since the power was still out.

At 6am sharp, the bells chimed out—not just a ringing of 6, but a whole unholy hymn. The Siblings were instructed to put on their ceremonial garbs and meet at the main entrance—some very lucky to get a spot outside, the rest congregating down the main hall. The Siblings found banners and their religious totems all done up in blue and gold—but any whispered speculation was quickly silenced by a sharp hiss and a jab of claw.

At 8am, the congregation saw Sister check her watch, and soon after they heard the low rumbling of a car and tires crunching across stone gravel. Some Siblings bounced on their heels, other clutched each other’s hands, and some swallowed in dread.

The Clergy limo finally pulled into view, and Imperator’s Ghouls rolled out a carpet, fibers blue and trimmed in gold. The door opened, and the band Ghouls emerged, sinuously—their polished masks held high, their uniforms new and still a rich black—to flank either side of the carpet.

Then.

A boot emerged.

Over the boot a hem—beautifully embroidered in golds—fell.

Then two legs came into view and with them a shock of blue vestments.

Aether and Swiss both leaned down, each lending a hand to help—

The Cardinal—

No, a freshly painted Papa Emeritus IV—out of the limo.

Like a butterfly out of a cocoon, Copia emerged, resplendent in his new colors and wearing his new title like a fist of iron. Gasps and sharp intakes of breath blanketed the crowd.

Mountain reverently placed the mitre on Copia’s head, and Copia give him the slightest of nods.

“Ah! Papa. Welcome home,” said Sister Imperator—her tone now laced with an emotion that could have been described as joy.

Copi—no, Papa—spread out his arms. “It is good to be home with my flock.”

When he was met with silence, Imperator said, “Well, is this how you welcome home your new spiritual leader?”

Claws were back jabbing in sides, and the congregation erupted into whistles and cheers—some genuine, some not—as Papa IV gestured with the subtly and grace of a ruler who knows not to waste their energy with grand movements.

Sister Imperator held out her hands, and Papa IV began to make his way down the blue carpet, stopping here and there to place chaste kisses on hands and unbless heads—his Ghouls following in his wake. When Papa IV reached Sister, he clasped her hands in his and leaned forward to kiss each cheek. He murmured something in her ear that became a hotly-debated topic for many meals to come—was it Madre, or was it Mater? Or—as some snorted—had it just been a non-verbal Mm?

Some poor fool—just loud enough to be heard—asked, “But where’s Papa Nihil?”

Dewdrop made a throat-slashing motion before Rain elbowed him.

Papa IV bowed his head, then turned to face his—his—congregation.

“It is with heavy heart I regret to inform you. Our dear Grand Papa has joined the Olde One.” Papa IV pointed a gloved finger to the ground. “This was a tour too many.”

The white noise of many whispers all up once filled the air, and Papa IV sliced his hand in front of him for silence.

“But what is a simple Cardinal to do when his superior insists on playing his solo?” Papa IV shrugged, an echo of his nervous rat persona. “Please, un momento di silenzio for Nihil, per favore.”

The congregation all bowed their heads, startled when Papa IV immediately clapped.

“Come! I have been hearing the beautiful Imperator prepared a welcome feast.”

Papa IV practically glided down the main hall, shaking hands and kissing foreheads. He paid particular attention to his favored—who had seamlessly reintegrated into the crowd and were beaming. They had apparently been tasked by Sister Imperator to carry out the celebration’s plans.

The only surprise came when Papa IV stopped in front of Sister Doreen. Sister Doreen had always been vocal on her disdain for Copia, saying her papal love would always be for Papa III. She’d often make chittering noises behind his back. Now she stood, pale faced, as Papa IV considered her. He held out a gloved hand, fingers now adorned with his ceremonial rings.

A Ghoul flinched as if to make for her, but Sister Doreen faltered only for a second before kneeling and kissing his rings. The whole hall let out an exhale it didn’t know it was holding as Papa IV gave her an unblessing and chucked her under the chin as permission to rise. He’d continued on down the hallway then, only pausing briefly to whisper in Cumulus’ ear.

Most of the crowd had their eyes glued to Papa IV’s form as he paraded away, but a few saw the Ghoulette walk over to Sister Doreen and hand her what looked like a square of cardstock.

The rest of that day was filled with pomp and ceremony over Copia’s ascension to Papa—the power having come back on sometime during his arrival. Papa IV sat contentedly—a Sister in his lap, a Brother feeding him fruit, a gaggle at his feet—as he watched most of the congregation gorge themselves on food and lose themselves in wine.

By midday, most of the Siblings were passed out drunk or in a food coma. Even some of the Abbey Ghouls lazed about, their tails slowly swaying in their stupor. The Band Ghouls had long since disappeared with their chosen Siblings. 

Papa IV—looking a little more lax, a little less bright—dislodged his harem.

“It has been eventful, no? It is time for Papa to rest—no, no: not that kind. Enjoy the rest of the festivities.”

The Siblings pouted, but a well-placed kiss here, a cheek-stroke there, went a long way to easing the disappointment as they watched their new Head saunter off to his chambers. 

His new chambers. The one guarded by two Abbey Ghouls, as befitting his new status.

It was a suite in the Emeritus wing, and either a trusted Sibling or Ghoul had carried over his possessions and his babies. Papa IV disrobed down to his tight suit, and bustled about, searching through drawers and boxes until he found the treats.

“Ah yes, sweet ones. Here you go.” The rats with their twitching noses and quivering whiskers rushed over to him as he opened their cage and let them take the treats off his fingers. “Daddy is celebrating today. You shall partake too, yes?”

Copia hung up his vestments, running his gloved hand along the fine embroidery, and he waited.

It wasn’t long before he heard muffled talking outside his door, and then a sharp rap. Copia put on one of the under robes, and answered the door. Sister Doreen stood there, hands clasped in front of her and looking pensive. Papa IV eyed her, then addressed the Ghouls.

“Yes?”

One of them held up the card—an invitation—for Papa’s inspection.

“Ah, thank you, Ghoul.”

Papa IV took the invitation and pretended to peruse it—but he already knew what it said. Knew it entitled the barer access to him to play.

“All is in order. She may enter.”

Papa IV didn’t even glance at the sister again until the door clicked shut behind him and he was seated in a chintz armchair. He caught and held her gaze—defiant still despite the contrition in her body language.

“So,” he said, “what has you seeking an audience with Papa?”

A glare crossed her face before she schooled it.

“You know why.”

“Do I? I must admit ignorance.”

“You ‘invited’ me here. Your Dark Excellency.”

“Sì. But you have come here why?”

Papa IV stood then, and Doreen flinched before holding her ground. He touched her head.

“Have you come to beg?” He slipped his hand down to grip her jaw. “Or have you come for … something else.”

Now she did glare at him.

“What if I’ve come for nothing, huh?”

Papa IV released her and stepped back.

“Then you have only wasted our time and you may go.” He gestured at the door.

“I may go,” she repeated.

“Sì.”

“And then what?”

“And then nothing. Life passes.” He paused. “But a warning: you continue to mock me at your peril.”

Doreen blanched.

“Ah. Not from me, child. I am unmerciful,” Papa IV spread his arms wide, “but some of your fellow Siblings. They are … fervent in their worship, yes? Best you be keeping your rat noises to yourself, mm?”

Doreen considered him.

“And if I don’t go?”

Papa IV crowded into her space, growling lowly. “If you stay I’m going to bend you over everything in here and you’re going to let me.”

He looked down at her again, his skull accents still stark against the white paint, his colorless eye practically glowing.

“Choose.”

Doreen crumbled to her legs and clutched at his robes.

“Please, P-Papa.”

Papa IV ran his hand through her hair.

“You have made an excellent choice, my child.”

He wrenched her head back.

“Now, up on your knees. You have a lot to atone for.”

“Y-yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Papa.”