#ive alwasy been told

[rotblume]

It's rarely the stranger danger and more likely the known creep.

People of all ages can have the same interests and tastes, and everyone can learn from one another.

I don't have a probleme with an age gap, but I do have a problem with too much of a power imbalance, which can be caused by it, but can just as well happen due to e.g. (not) having money & (not) having experienced things.

In real life, I sometimes have less trouble bonding with people 15-50 years older than me rather than my generation (as long as they take me seriously), because those my age around me have totally different priorities - neither my problems, nor my experiences - and it was the same 5-10 years ago, when I was still a minor.

Sometimes when people on the Internet are like "ADULTS CAN NEVER INTERACT WITH MINORS IT'S CREEPY" I remember how, at 12, back in 1997, I was on the Witchvox forums with people ranging from me to people in at least their 50s, and no one there was ever a creep to me, no one ever made me feel uncomfortable or asked for my personal info, and when I finally broke down after a particularly brutal day of bullying at school and posted about it they were the first adults I'd ever met in my entire life who told me the bullies were the problem and it was okay to be angry about it.

Kids need to interact with adults who will listen to them.

[jingledbells]

jesus now that i have glasses i am fully aware of how blurry my vision was before lmao

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[justgottarant]

Its now 3 in the morning and I haven’t been able to quite my mind. I just spent the last hour crying silently in my living room of a house I dont own and might be having to leave. About my life thus far. Im 27 years old and have had the people I thought that loved me throughout my life turn their backs on me the moment things got hard. I lost my dad when I was a teen and instead of having the support I was raised to believe I had they all turned and said I wasn’t putting the effort in to stay in contact, to reach out on holidays or birthdays, to expect it was fine to now be left out of any and all family trips. I was a literal child. Up to that point I was told when those things were because I was in school. But then expected to just know everything. I wasnt given time to grieve due to a mother who in front of his open grave that I had just lowered the most supportive person I had known in how much of a shit person he actually was, how we suddenly had a new man living in his room and expecting me to embrace him and my stepmother’s pregnancy not even a week after his funeral. Having to pose with this stranger for prom photos and having to ask him for help when I had car trouble because otherwise I was left alone for days until I “figured it out”. How my whole family that was so closed off suddenly embraced him our first Christmas and not a single person uttered my dads name. Only 2 years after his passing was I given a handmade Christmas ornament with his picture on it because as much as my grandmother detested him at first she was one of the first to embrace us into their family and still tried to keep in contact with me. Out of 3 aunts and 3 uncles none of them included me anymore, no more birthdays with my cousins, no more family vacations, I was an afterthought even at Christmas being one of the only people to receive barely anything anymore unless it was homemade. No advice to help me when I started college. I didnt want to go, my dad had known but my stepmom forced me to go and then live in the dorms. When I had a psychotic break and asked for a therapist she took me to psychiatrist after psychiatrist and got me on pills, not to someone I could talk to. I finally tried asking this past year if I could come to Christmas. I was told no. All because I asked to bring my partner along. They’re disabled and we now live over 2 hours away. I wasnt about to leave them home completely alone on Christmas. And I wanted to introduce them to my “family”. I tried talking to my stepmom about it and how hurt I felt. How I felt betrayed since I had alwasy seen her as my mother growing up, even introducing her as such to people. All she did was apologize and tell me how she never felt that way about me. It made me realize they don’t actually care about me. It hurt.

My nann from my dad could only compare me and everything I did to being just like my dad. I wasnt allowed to be me anymore only a replacement. It took me years to try and talk to her about that. Even now she still does it, I dont want to fully blame her though. I know shes hurting too. But she had more people she could talk to about it. I love her but I am starting to see she isnt the person I always thought she was. She wont even let me meet my nephew I just found out I have because she’s afraid of him “acting out” because he’s autistic. My partner is autistic. Its not a disease and I try to keep telling her that. That it would be fine and that Ive also worked with kids on the spectrum for many years in child care so it was no issue. Shes just embarrassed by him and it saddens me to think how shed react if I ever had a kid who was also.

I got bullied in school for my dad dying because the girl that liked me I didn’t reciprocate so she got everyone in our class rallied against me. Her excuse? Well her dad died first. Before she was born. I was so suicidal during this time and even before. She had met my dad even and knew how he was and how close I was with him. It really hurt especially when my best friend at the time wouldnt even stand up for me and would join her at times because he didnt like conflict.

I had only just been living with my dad for around 2 years after I was forced to leave my moms due to the abuse her boyfriend had put me through for years. She made a choice and always had to choose men over her kid. I grew up raising her, being the adult that made sure her and her friends got home safe from parties and preventing her from starting street fights. I was 10, I shouldnt of had to be the adult pushing a baby stroller and dragging a drunk woman home at midnight.

Honestly I dont know how I didnt go down the same path my parents did. Pregnant at 16 and doing as many drugs as I could find. I was instead immersed in reading and writing and learning skills that interested me. But was inevitably punished for all of them at some point. I remember being only 12 and I told my mom’s boyfriend I hated him, why? Because he told me to tell him how I felt about him. That very night we had a power outage and I was still terrified of the dark, so what did he do. Lock my door and say that people who hate him dont get flashlights. My mother didnt even scold him for that. I had to make myself be used to the dark after that. The amount of sleepless nights because of fear was all too common for me and just grew into a bad habit now as an adult.

I just want to scream. This is all so frustrating. Im exhausted. Im infuriated. The state of the world is shit on top of it all. I cant even afford to live on my own. I cant have a savings.

[rotblume]

I just generally hate if people don't treat OR raise their pets right, especially the bigger dog breeds that suffer from bad ownership and reputation or the unhappy and aggressive little yappers, and always the overbred and mutilated ones. People either don't care, or so often say that their pets are like their children.

Well, don't you want your kid to brush their teeth or do some sport to keep healthy, and live and learn things to stay happy, and do their homework or help in the household to be capable of living in society and having the chance of a good future? The same goes for pets, no buts.

Don't overbreed and mutilate them, don't overfeed or starve them for a cute or cool look.

Don't neglect their need for activity and company, but don't overwork them and do give them their freedom and safety bubble, cause they've got personalities as well.

Don't actively hurt them and don't let them be hurt, so teach them the rules for their own good.

Animals are not things, every pet of ours has always been like a family member. But if they are your kids (or siblings or elders with a grey snout), then how about you actually treat them like it.

On an offside note: I also hate how people say my generation lost all respect and such crap.

One, I know just as many impolite adult and elderly people as I know young ones and while everyone deserves to be treated civilly, no one I don't know deserves my respect (that's the point, I don't know them, so for all intents and purposes they could be mysogynistic homophobes whom I certainly do not respect). Two, all generations say the same about the younger ones or the good old days (well, who knew, times change, for better AND worse, and you can rarely tell what's it gonne be).

Also, three, even if the generations turn out worse and worse, where does it come from, huh? Maybe some kids are lost to the group dynamics and generational failings because they've never been taught better before?

Maybe there are sooo many more ADD/ADHD diagnoses in children cause their family doesn't give them any attention? (Not trying to invalidate ADD/ADHD, the science, the kids (and late-diagnosed adults) or the struggling parents, but with a "nature AND nuture"-mindset acknowledging that there are multiple factors at play and influencing a situation.) Maybe so many kids lose their lives in front of displays cause they've got to amuse themself without supervision and other 'safe' opportunities offered to them?

Getting back on topic: unhealthy habits and bad behaviour don't come from nowhere. Even if that means that the (invisible) bad influences win only because of the lack of good ones.

Source: [x]

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts!

[solardick]

Honestly? I dotn think im surviving. Get me out of this fake reality. Out of this hell. Leave me alone.

Its only just me. Everyone else is fake, playing the script manipulating me forward. How many more years? Ever since childhood it doeant stop. They wont leave me be. Always shipping me around, always hurting. Always controlling.

Im dead inside. Theres only silence at home. Detach from all of them. Theres only detachment. Only disconnection. Don’t fight to change that. Its only more pain. And im allowed to build up my life on my own.

No prayers can help. Not while they keep working you over. Day in day out. Year after year. After year after year after year after ywar after year after year after ywar after year after year. It doesnt end.

What control do i have? I can eat and bathe and walk. And…. Thats about it. No need controling myself when theres other people to do that for me. Theres nonone to talk to. Hasnt been in a good 15 years or so. Its just me surrounded by assholes.

Nothing like being framed and judge for everything that ails the family. While they cheat it and dont have a pay a dime. Cause i am. I was always nice and supportive of the gay community. Now. Fuck all of them. After spending the last eight years being abused by fucken cocksuckers. And the degenerate druggies. Ny famiky is right fuck the gays. As i sat there time after time again watching them fag bash people. While i always showed a hand. Im done.

Come now X-con continue putting ice on the street maybe you’ll ruin anothr life. One poor guy. Will try it. It’ll put them down a negative path by supporting and the next thing you now. All the posiive rhey would have created to the world gets perverted. And they become a problem. And taxes will have to go up another fraction of a dollard. Do they can continue doing drugs rhey get cheeper than the the price for food.

As for omens, there is always a crow forshadowing violence and homosexuality. After the last few years of studying this phenomenon. been set as fact. Ill trust in god. The rest of you may choke on my giant dick.

Wverytime ive ever asked for guidance in life i was told to go fuck myself. 30+ years and counting. And then god shows up. And starts doing it. But its hard to listen cause the entirw fucken planet is manipulating me to the contrary. I pray gid pushed the recent button in. Ny lifetime. I want to it.

Go Jamie. Not the best voice or sound but, it works.

Canada aka the defeated kingdom. Theres nothing in life to love. Run and refuel on hatred. Not my choice but. Don’t have one either. What the fuck does man know? I just get punished for everything i don’t deserve and what i do. I don’t. Life is only a mind fuck. Alwasy was. Its just get more sophisticated as one ages away.

Well until life becomes authentic. Theres nothingni can do but hold on. As they continue raping my spyche insode out.

Got to wait out the whatever ive been dosed with again. It’ll take awhile. Hello devil. How are you? Good? Fantastic.

I use my third year as the horoscope. Its better. With a jupiter pluto opposition. Venus mars trine sun moon conjunction. Another year of being shipped to a new home. Again. Astrologicay. I was born on the worst date in history. AIDS! Fight the fight! Got to fix the damage and make this place more friendly for you. Also the time when i was paired to be trapped sharing the same room with a pluto oppostion sun. And all life goes to deeper into hell. To a life of sex and secrecy. Year after year. With a boy and with a girl. Until puberty and then….. i quit the addiction. The only sense of intimacy there was. Safe from all the violence. And the cruelty. Well there goes the only source of nourishment. Fall off the wagen. Burn in hell for eternity. Spend the nect couple decades being beaten down into and unstable deliquent mess, drugged on gods knows what. Carnage and violence. Year after years. People taking liberties with my life. On and on. Place after place. Job after job. Persona after person. No peace just chaos. Setting me up firther done the line to be raped soem more. And never have any healthy frame of mind. To build myself up. Just in solitude no one to speak with. More desperate in each passing year.

Thrirty years worh the mother in all that time i had like one estranged converstaion woth the woman. All intent on repairing the situation. Curbed. I was born to be abused into suicide.

And so the new home life starts being paired to a pluto opposition. With a jupiter Pluto oppostion squaring mars and violence. All those raised voices yelling over everything i did. The constant pressure aided and supported the secrecy and the stress. For it was the only thing available at the time to take its place. Everyone blows shit out of propertion with me. Always have. Or the biased drain fule to cause damage. Because people are like that apperently. Always was a pluto oppostion. And there always will be because its generational and all those 90’s punk CS arw always present. Alwasy causing damange and putting themselves over me. As the do caaled master. Their job it to disrupt natural flow. Into a state of i dividyality from stark. For them nature is the enemy.

And they made sure i cant find another job, because i need to be conditioned and controled and owned and never experiencing any sense of autheticity or power of the self.

And now i havento go around pretending everyon eis my friend when in actuallity. No one is. Their all enemies. People only cause me harm. And always have. All the way back to my forst memory. Thats all life is. And if they are froendly its because they have drugs to offer or manipualtion to fulfill.

Fake it till i make it, uh? Too bad im not thr one doing the faking. Ugh. I always had a dream to do soemthign that matters. To make a name. To extend myself onto the world. And fulfill tge purpose of contributing. Since. I can’t breed and i cant create. Life is pointless. So here all that potential gets poured faciliting the effort of owning me.

God, pls fucken kill me. Like the latest girl you sent to fuck with me. Which confuses me. Cause she actually did love me. It was obvious. She loved me for the breaking of unhealthy habits and entropic affairs. She projected that part of herself onto me. She loved me because i was supportive, but i was just a sexual object. I tried fixing that. Tried to bring into my home. Create a dialogue. But no. Wouldnt even look em in the eye. Only when she outs herself over me. Or she staired at me from the side or from behind. And now they switch her out and put the giy whos supposed to catch my mars. Got to project that shit. And ive never invited anyone over before. That be the first time.

Well you got sexual harrasment ltg girl. But that was out of desperation during hoghtened vulnerability while they were busy dosing me and raping my mind.

How well, she’ll be a great mum of a couple of kids one day. And own a house. With lots of happy memories. Bye luv. I always have a welcoming hand. Even theough everyone abuses it to cause me harm. I dont know how else to be.

Maybe i should just go back to being the creature that i was. Bent on the satisfaction of desires without mind for anything else. Since in not allowed to feel human. Maybe if they were wealthy and i could, just spend my days studying the feminine oracle practices and watched tv everyday. Instead of going to work. Maybe i’d create something awesome. That would support the new age effemination of mankind. Since i have no say over my own life. And since thats the only part of me im allowed to develop. Ive been debased so much in life. That i deserve nothing else.

I just want another fucken person in my life. Man. I cant function on my own. And im always alone.

And ill never have the eyes for astrology. To be able to read a chart and how it develops. Wont be able to rewind and fastforward through time. Like the professionals do. Especially not not after having more of myself being repressed. While others get oppressed. If a lose a lose. And since most if it is by the work of others. Im blind to it. Because i dont have it with me. They do.

And it’s not what you’re doing, it’s that you’re doing it. No type Os here. Its the only silver lining. Thr only pillar that doesnt fall. In this ruin of a toxic wasteland dumbed on and regulated by thr outside. And there’ll never be enough “pillars” to be able to do anything with it supporting someones else weight. Theres a corner over there that still has floor. Pull up a chair and have a sit.

Think they gave me hormone thearapy.

nyway i was going to quit amokign but then i realized my entire reality is fake. And theres not a single person ay work want i want to hang with. Theri all cockcsuckers. Un the degenrate crossdrsseing body shaving drug dealing criminal or the effeminate litle forwign iid whos sings female pop song hits. Igh no

[prof-peach]

(OOC:) Professor, I gotta say... You're one-of-a-kind. You're one of the first blogs I ever followed on here, and seeing of of your comics dubbed on youtube is what rekindled my passion for pokémon.

I don't really expect an answer, but I judt hope that you read this and know that you've made my life a lot better with your creativity and talent.

Cheers!

I have mixed feelings about the youtubers responsible for dubbing my work. They never asked permission, and I only found it thanks to a friend sending me a link. I was not told. Kind of a poop move on their part.

They linked my account sure, but its kind of an...underhanded thing to do?? Just prefer some honesty I suppose, would have been ok with it if there was some open dialgoue going on, but they chose not to do that, questionable methods. That aside, hon im super glad you found the original blog no matter the reason. I just like to see folks enjoying the content and vibing with the franchise in ways that suit them best. Pokemon as a whole have focused so wholly on the younger fans, that anyone over the age of 13 is kind of left wanting. So thats where this blog, the comics, and the content comes in. I fully appreciate the message, I alwasy see them, and often read them and feel like at least ive made some ok decisions in my life thanks to the support. Alwasy makes me day. May your life continue to be good and wholesome, and when its not, at least we can all fall back on pokemon. Have a good week buddy!

[lilyander]

It’s weird.. ever since I got into this relationship I feel like ive lost my connection with him and that its turned into almost a friends with benefits thing but its not even really that because we don’t really make out. i dunno, we used to have these late night conversations about the dumbest things and music and it was so much fun getting t know him, but now its just a routine of “how was your day” and “i feel shitty today” and “im such a shitty boyfriend im sorry” and what i dont understand it why he doesnt just change the things he says he can do better. he already treats me with immense love and respect but he always tells me he can treat me so much better so like, what am i supposed to say to that?? i tell him that he already is treating me well but if he thinks he can do better then do it. but he says that nearly every damn day. and he always comlains about doing the same things every day but oike, literally the only person who can change that is you, so i kinda want to tell him to stop comlaining and do something about it but instead i tell him that the only one who can change that is him, which is completely true. i dunno, those are some of my complainst. the conversations are completely gone and its filled with how was your day and depression talk. also he hangs out with this one kid named mark so much more than i think he used to. i dont know, i think they became really good friends recently because his old best friend, Evan, is never with him anymore. i remember last year they were almost inseperable and it was kinda cute tbh, but i havent seem them together once this year. the other day he mentioned evan so i dont think the friendship is completely gone, but definitely damaged somehow. i dont know. all his attention seems to be towards this Mark kid or maybe im just being exteemrly jealous. and like, my boyfriend alwasy did invite me to eat lunch with him, i just never realized it would be with mark too and now i feel like im invading their time together during lunch so i just wander the halls becausei have no place to eat lunchcomfortably. usually i would go to my theatre teachers room but jim and mark usually eat there so... not an option anymore. also i feel like all i do is complain and i think maybe i wouldnt complain so much if i just worked on my relationship with him. but i really dont know. another thing, ( i should shut up) we both are involved in theatre but lately i havent been able to go to the dramam club meetings. anyway, this one chick named isabelle came up to me ( i know btw, shes a great friend) and told me that last week during drama club she jokingly asked jim to take her to homecoming and he actually took it seriously andsaid he had me ( aww sweet right?) and she wanted to make a poster today as a joke and make a big spectacle of asking him but she wanted my permission at first, so of course i said yes lolol, i wanted to see how he would react too but most importantly it was all in good humor and isabelle has her own boy lol. today i unfortuenely couldnt stay so i missed it but apparently someone recorded it and is going to send it to me lol, how cute. anyway, i dont know if isabelle told jim i knew or not, but jim never mentioned it to me, even after he kinda gave me an analysis of his “shitty” day. i even prompted him by asking if anything interesting happened to him today and all i got was an i dont want to talk about today. so, yeah, i dont know. it kinda bugs me that he hasnt said anything about or even briefly mentioned it to me, and it kinda makes me think, what if i hadnt had known... i would have found out by someone else... not him, and idk, that just rbs me in the wrong way. but whatever, its fine, i should actually work on this relationship and not just complain. im still waiting for him to ask me to homecoming... fingers crossed, hes got 2-3 weeks max

[edit: so i definitely wrote this while emotional and while it kills me to see all these typos, i’m going to leave them in. that and this situation is so,,, high school HOWEVER- i’m removing all the real life names coz like girl, these were people’s lives and i straight up just said their names without a care in the world smh ;-;)

[thoughtsatmidday]

Family

At the end it’s them who are there for you.. I used to think they were my enemies at times especially when they didn’t approve of my decisions especially mom & dad...but eventually they were alwasy right they as my parents have this ability to know beyond me even as of today, somehow they know they told me that I’m still young to ease up & stop being so hard on myself me being stubborn I probably won’t listen but I will keep it in mind until I do I can’t thank them enough....my dad gave me a hug as a tear brushed down my face it may sound funny but my whole life I’ve never received a sincere hug from my father to be honest it’s alwasy been laughs and stern lectures and conversations yet from that power distance he has shown me kindness in its most simplest & purest forms from his early wake ups to cook breakfast working every single day 12 to 15 hour shifts toloreting all the trouble I got into growing up. If there’s anything he passed on was that ...forgiveness and understanding people arnt bad even the worst people just make bad decisions I do bealive there is the dark malignant evil in certain people that does come from a dark place but I bealive that is rare just like the opposite a relentless selflessness that no matter how much you hurt will alwasy be there I’ve embraced that ideology as I grow it comes at its own cost yet one thing does keep me smiling honestly through all the shit, I understand how much People need that sometimes how you could feel so alone when your surrounded by so many people how you feel you made the right choice yet everything feels wrong I know what it’s like ive been there trust me it’s hard that’s why you have to learn to forgive and accept you were wrong it takes I was lucky to learn it early.I’ve embraced life with a smile even in my most painful moments I’ve said I’m fine to some moments where I swear I almost lost grip of my sanctity & wanted to rage with my anger but I didn’t & refuse to becouse people need someone to be fine so they can also be fine so I’ll be that in my life to everyone I love and will love I’ll extend that gift becouse my father lost his brother two months ago and he smiled and held it back becouse if he’s fine he knew he could help everyone. Else feel fine my life is my family I didn’t understand that until I lost what I felt was my family.

[anarchobumblebee-blog]

.

[our-lostboi]

Well let me just say this.. Im gay. I feel like everyone knows, havent had the "coming out" convo with my family... no. I always told myself that once i found the right guy thats when it would happen cuase i just know they would accept it. I truthfully thought this year was going to be the year I took someone home... hahaha boy was I wrong. I truely thought i found love, I was comfortable in my own skin for once.... then he broke my fucking heart. Then i started to hate that i spent so much time giving this man so much, but then thinking back i always made sure he was happy that i wasnt taking care of myself. sadly to say im still not, ive been drinking more smoking just trying to numb the pain... but yet here i am full of pain smiling still making other people smile. What can i say i guess its true:

the saddest people alwasys try their hardest to make people happy

because tehy know what its like to feel absolutely worthless

and they dont want anybody else to feel like that.

[for-the-brokenhearted]

1/23/2020

i am actually getting freaked out about how much time is passing without me logging in or anything. a lot of course has happened in the 7+ months ive been gone. its like a fucking pregnancy

ive literally been gone almost long enough to have a fucking child. i should start writing in here more, bobbi even suggested that. i had a meltdown at her house a couple of weeks ago and she gave me some really great advice....jase too.

i was upset bc craig and i had another fight. we had just gotten back from ny and i got sick with sinus infection and pink eye. wonderful. he came over and gave me some schpeel about...wait...schpiel? shpealllll....shpiel?? 

*clears throat* 

....about how he would like for us to be a couple that has great self discipline and shit... blah blah blah. im so annoyed. not only was it the most imperfect timing (me feeling as bad as i look) but as if i already didnt feel like shit.

this september, on MY birthday actually, we had a huge blowout bc i just couldnt take it anymore. i was sick of feeling fat, imperfect, ugly, not fit, all that jazz. 

what caused it all was him pointing out how i had bad posture while driving to his house. i fucking lost my shit.

“WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP POINTING OUT MY INSECURITIES I FEEL LIKE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IM SICK OF THIS SHIT I SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME AND IM SICK OF THE PASSIVE AGRESSIVE COMMENTS YOU MAKE ABOUT ME AND MY BODY AND I FEEL LIK EVERY TIME YOU TOUCH ME ITS LIKE YOU’RE EVALUATING MY BODY FAT”

to be fair, i shoudlnt have blown the fuck up. but come on. i had been dealing with this shit for over two years. since float fest, maybe even before that. which is awful bc i shouldnt feel so bad everytime i look in the mirror. 

when im with my boyfriend or future husband or whatever...i should feel like the most beatufiyl person, inside and out. like i can tell him EVERYTHING and not feel like i have to lie to protect myself. 

this is just scary bc the bottom line is lately i havent felt like that. in a long time. like prob over a year. which sucks. 

anyways, the solution i came up with was to not talk about food, health, or fitness for 3 months. yup. i laid down the law. 

but at the same time, i needed to. this had really manifested itself into something super super ugly. where when we went out to eat i would order what i would think he would WANT me to order, not bc he said anything, but bc of the pressure i felt whether that was coming from him or me. 

i would also lie about getting fast food by myself or feel happy when i would skip a meal bc it was less calories- these are very unhealthy behaviors and i did tons more.

i felt like the little commesnt like grande girl or glutton girl really got to me and he probably felt like he could make those comments safely bc i wasnt fat or unhealthy. but he made me feel like it. 

im still working on it everyday, but right now im hitting a wall.

Bobbi told me to start writing more bc i think the stream of consciousness helps me cope. and i know shes right. i tell craig the same thing and he says it helps him gather his thoughts and whatnot.

i went over to her house freaking out bc i found myself in a state where i’m afraid of everything- this is actually my current state. i just had a major realization. 

im afraid of love. marriage. committment.. running. exercising. living together. moving forward- even though that's everything i want

craig also said that he felt like hes not allowed to touch me and we havent had sex in a while. bobbi pointed out that this is probably bc i wasnt taking care of myself and bc I didnt like MYSELF so i didnt want anyone near me.

she was def right about that. 

so i started doing more for myself and prioritizing the things i needed to do over everything else. its been nice. i even took a bath today. and the thing is craig is happy when i do things for myself like that. which is great.

but im still defensive and i still reject physical touch. i dont feel that kind of love i felt for craig at the beginning and he probably knows that. weve been through so much and ifeel like i dont know what to do.

i feel like were so unhealthy and i feel like things are always so fucking hard. i mean you know whats batshit crazy....? weve been dating for almost 5 motherfucking years. 

im so upset. not that weve been dating for that long, but because i feel like were still in such a juvenile spot. i got made earlier in 2019 bc craig is JUST NOW thinking about marriage and is having a forward thinking mindset. justnow. i am 25. im just sick of dating someone younger than me sometimes. 

i want to be lead. i want someone whos there for me. i want security, reliabiolity, etc.

last night we atually got into an arguemnt over bobbi and jase: tl;dr i feel like hes weird aroudn them and didnt liek the fact that he says a ton of outlandish negative untrue bullshit about jase and its not even true. its just based off of the “vibes” he gets. i dont do that. i try to be as kind as i can to everyone and i just feel like he has a lack of tolerance. i dont like that. i want him to have a good heart and treat everyone as they should be regardless of their background, unhealthy habits etc. 

i just feel like maybe the more we grow old or whatever, the less compatible were getting. and im exhausted. i dont feel like dating anyone else i dont even feel like dating him sometimes.

something cool we did discover, along with the fact that i need to take care of myself more is that in the relationship i have alwasy been “on” or “on call” in a way of alwasy being alert and never at rest bc i feel like he needs me to show up somewhere and in a way it was my way of showing that i cared about the relationship bc it was always top of mind, wrong. i am tired and maybe thats why i always got on his ass about random bullshit bc i felt like i was always putting in way more effort than he was, bc i was. in a bad way.

I'm really lost and i don't know what to do. I've been in new Orleans (still am) for Kaltura connect and its been super fun to meet a ton of cool people. but i am so tired, I worked almost a 12 hour day yesterday and conferences are exhausting. 

maybe im feeling this way bc I'm tired? i just hope we get it back even though sometimes it feels like we wont’. our relationship has always been so volatile form the very beginning and i was hoping that over time it would get better. in some ways it has, in some ways it hasnt. 

i look at couples and marriage photos and see the love and the joy these other people experience and i wonder if i will ever get that. sometimes with craig i think yes, but sometimes i think no. what if this ends. i know ill be okay if it does but obviously thats not ideal. the thing is that were not even married and i dont feel that now, will i ever? will it come back? im praying for an amazing and safe but spontaneous love and ive been praying that for a while, i just dont know if ill ever get that with him. is this God telling me this is the end? then again,  ive felt like this before

like last year 12.23.18 when craig called me a slut and called my family psychos at the slc track bc i accidentally threw keys at my face. it took me the majority of 2019 to get over that. and to get over the fact that 4 months later i was going to be fired from wells fargo.

bottom line is im getting older and i feel like i don't have time for stupid bullshit or to feeol bad about myself, but the problem is that i still do. maybe this is just the beginning of the end. we love each other so much- i really do and i mean it. sometimes i feel like i could never be this comfortable with anyone ever again, but then again i said that last time with chad.

fuckkkkkkkkk i hate feeling like this. i hate being so unsure about everything and feeling like shit. i feel lonely bc sometimes our disagreements are so bad. i just want him to grow up and get over htis shit or maybe its just time to move on.

hes already done some growing up but i cant keep banking on that to happen in a long term plan bc what happens if he doesnt..... then what. 

[shadowz5022]

bitten

girlfriend of many years decided one night that i was nothing. no not just things said meant to sting but the soul havok/heart tearing stuff that you would only hear from a literal enemy.ive felt it before ..yes from this one but of ones from the past. who have cheated lied and rubbed my nose in my own insecurities. there was something different about this one though...i thought. she had a huge heart one that i could see in the way she would help others. she was a fearce lover. no im not covering how she was in bed but in that when she loved you there was very little she would let you handle on your own, she was alwasys there as a listening ear a strong supporter and a true friend to handle the brunt of the world with. but i also sensed something else..as strong as her ability to love and care there was also a strong inability to empathize id even take it so far as to say there was such a hateful pettyness to her that it would make me shudder. now i couldnt wrap my brain around what or how even a person could care so much without empathy. there was alot that she had gone through but for alot of it it just seemed like she was going above and beyond sometimes. then as the latter mentioned it was as if a switch flipped and ppl who cared or was in her corner were enemies. unless you were blood family. there is no fault in that one. anything said, done, or anything in between was held as if it was pure scripture. something i had a very hard time with and still am to this day. as you can imagine someone with the two sides can have unique view of things that happen in a relationship and when told to family suddenly you are nothing but an enemy a person that can be hated behind closed doors and sealed lips when your around but when your gone i can only imagine open season. but something that i noticed as equally important is that there is also a lack of understanding and empathy on the family side as well. they take care of thier own who get brought in pass some simple tests that show your like them and there you have it. i started seeing where her unique ability to care for others came from...without the empathy...it was from turning what she had learned with and from her family towards others in the world. but equally there is a plaee were the hatred has been born . and taught and given an ability to grow. somehting deep rooted that i only imagine the person that i used to be help water every now and again. im here with soo many good memories and some hrutful ones and im struggling to figuring out how i can still show my vulnerabilites ..trust in her and still be the team we have been striving to nurture. just like any relationship i feel like we could pick it apart to just be like damn just give up but after awhile you realize no the person ive spent soo much time with and put time into cultivating an understanding ..i dont want to lose that nor go through the learning of another persons ....personality all while trying to balance how much of myself at any time they could handle . im in love and yet there are times where that person hurts me, is that normal yes is it okay ...no if it was to keep happening then something more has to change but as for now ...all i can do is just try. sorry if this didnt make much sense

[xottzot]

2018--SEPT-19th-2018-Wednesday--later---more stuff Ive had to deal with in relation to this hellhole making my life HELL.

2018--SEPT-19th-2018-Wednesday--later---more stuff Ive had to deal with in relation to this hellhole making my life HELL.

ABSOLUTELY NOBODY...NOBODY...IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO THEY ARE OR WHAT ORGANISATION OR SERVICE OR ANYTHNG...NOBODY BELIEVES ME.

I'm an honest, caring person, a TRUTHFUL person, a person who supprts charities for those less fortunmate in a range of ways but NONE of that counts for ANYTHING IN MY HELL OF A LIFE...MADE WORSE IN THIS HELLHOLE....EVEN RIGHT DOWN TO WHERE I LIVE IN THIS HELL.....

Dear Fliss exprienced some of that herself when she was here with me for a decade or so......

And then SHE had a terrible physical and mental breakdown....part of what she ALREADY had BEFORE I ever met her.....

AND I GOT THE BLAME !?!? - I ALWASY GET THE BLAME FOR EVERYTHING...BLOODY EVERYTHING....EVERY DAMNED THING...EVERYTIME EVEN WHEN I DO NOTHING AT ALL I GET BLAMED FOR NOTHING TO DO WITH ME......

AND EVERYTIME I DARE TRY TO BE ENGAGED IN ANYTHING....I ALWASY END UP SUFFERING AT MY EXPENSE.....

AND...dear Sm and dear Max always end up suffering....

Oh,...but YOU don't want to know abou any of that do you......

And all the criminals and shitheads about this hellhole still keep PROSPERING and GETTING REWARDED....even without trying.......

In my huge blog contents that I myself voluntarily deleted from Tumblr to preserve my safety, dear Fliss's safety, and those of our loved ones...I detailed almost DAILY teh shit that was going on in just a coupel of years or so....but I also details the YEARS of shit (and criminal shit) that assailed poor dear Fliss and myself with us being the victims....and we were NEVER EVER BELIEVED...and I'm STILL not ever believed.....

And dear Fliss's family and friends only ever believes the damaged memories of dear Fliss medically proven damaged brain andd memory and damaged body....all that and the terrible to dear Fliss thyroiditis and all the other things of dear Fliss they keep SECRET from everyone and so use me as a fall-guy for everything that's wrong with her. - And so she she waltzes along blithely unwares in her life and they keep covering up everything to cover her and themselves.

So you can see that I appreciate worthy causes for charity and I have always done so all my life. Dear Fliss I deeply love as a person, not as a bundle of affictions wrapped up in her unfortunate body and mind. That's not who she is.

All of her conditioens wwere kept alwasy secret from everyone else, even from fellow job workers, even from dear Fliss's deepest friend Cath in Queensland. (Cath STILL does not believe me and has broken off all contact with me, depsite seeing for herself dear Fliss's current state of terrible existance...and how much better dear Fliss was with me.

Dear Fliss and I were always struggling financially, which brought a great deal of undeserved stress to us both. She kept blaming herself for any and everything. I kept saying she did NOT have responsibilty for all the terrible things in life asailing us both. - So MANY MANY OTHERS were exploiting us both on so many levels.

And dear Fliss's family and parents just kept blaming me....because it suited the narrative they were forever pushing to any and everyone.

I have never met a family more aligned to misinformation and misdirection and outright lies as they travel in life and bring others into life. Much of it all is for their own reasons and privacy. And I have ALWAYS respected that.

But to anyone else outside....they have NO FUCKING IDEA...NONE AT ALL...and so others just keep falling into the same bullshit lines they have been told to believe from them.

But I still love dear Fliss and want to be with her.

And so I am still suffering.......

So in effect, to all thse reading this except dear Fliss, YOU should NEVER EVER EVER give your trust to others because you will ALWAYS be betrayed and YOU will suffer....but NEVER by me dear Fliss. I've stuck with you through terrible times, when all others abandoned you, even your own family, your friends, your work collegues, your job employers...strangers, officials, demi-god officials....., people in the street, horrendous faceless people on the internet.......the list goes on far more than anyone knows.....

----------------------------------------------------

Sorting out some of this home lottery stuff this morning touched on all of that......but I kept things private as much as I could......

And the person I was talking to was aghast at what I told them, even the smallest amount of it all.....

And I said, "Now you now why I wanted and deserved to win that grand pize of the new house away from here to live......and that (by a cruel and terrible invisible hand of fate) I am never ever allowed to win such a thing no matter how many entries in all sorts of things I have been doing all my life."

The person at first thought I was declining the meagre prizes I'd won in relation to winning that new house and land away from this hellhole, but they soon came to realise (I hope) that exactly what I've been telling people for countless years in my life in that nothing good ever happens to me and I always suffer and nobody believes it because it sounds like I'm cursed or something to them, it's too out of their sphere of understanding to WANT to believe it. And so they also fear it 'catching' to them....

----------------------------------------------------

As I've said countless times, I'd write a book but NOBODY would believe all the shit that's gone on in my shitty life, and so much of it all I had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AT ALL other than being a victim of so many things.

I love YOU dear Fliss and want to be with YOU.

I have been in terrible pain again. So has dear Max. And to a lesser extent but no less terrible has poor Sam been. And your dear chicken here Fliss.

And of course nobody believes me.

And so I'm so contantly saying to the terrible world...fuck you world!

I love YOU dear Fliss and want to be with YOU.

Imbecile is due to return with absolute shit and diseases to spread and he will also be wont to cause me and poor Sam and poro Max terrible HELL as well in any way that he can. And he will be ANGRY and violent and do shit.....and NOBODY will believe me......

I love my dear brother and have tried to protect him all my life far more than he knows at all. But he is not very intelligent and he relishes being that way and considers hinmself far beyond me in intelligence but is so utterly wrong....and has been wrong all our lives.

I've cared for him all my life and protected him.....though in his mind he reverses everthing so he can alwasy think in his mind that he is always superior against me, against all others.

Dear Fliss saw all this for herself. SHE KNOWS. - And so he HATED her for KNOWING.

I love YOU dear Fliss and want to be with YOU.

-------------------------------------------

Oh look...Tumblr is fucking me around AGAIN.....and so is the internet....AGAIN......FFS......

Those around in this hellhole are also not so innocent believe me.....

[chemicalmiraclee]

1-134

sorry for the delay my dude i havent been home today

1. name: Jenna

2. age: 20

3. 3 fears: heights, squirrels, talking to people lmao

4. 3 things i love: coffee, working out, girls

5. 4 turn ons: a good connection, good conversation, eyes, smile

6. 4 turn offs: bad listeners, no connection, nothing in common, boys

7. my best friend: Raieeee

8. sexual orientation: gay

9. my best first date: i went to my exes dorm room and we didnt really do much we just layed in bed and watched netflix and talked and enjoyed each others company and it was wholesome and innocent and perfect

10. how tall am i: 5′2

11. what do i miss: a person

12. what time was i born: i have no idea

13. favorite color: tiffany blue or seafoam green

14. do i have a crush: nope

15. favorite quote: “You miss 100% of the shots you dont take.”- Michael Scott

16. favorite place: Montauk, LI

17. favorite food: lately mozzarella sticks

18. do i use sarcasm: sometimes if im feelin moody

19. what am i listening to rn: a band called Homesafe 

20. first thing i notice in a person: uhhh maybe their eyes

21. shoe size: 7

22. eye color: green

23. hair color: dark blonde? light brown?

24. favorite style of clothing: oversized ugly sweaters that were $3 on etsy or like various band merchs

25. ever done a prank call: noo

27. meaning behind my url: its a Moose Blood album

28. favorite movie: i just saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and that was pretty cool

29. favorite song: right now its Houdini by nothing,nowhere.

30. favorite band: lately ive been feelin Have Mercy, but also Sorority Noise

31. How i feel right now: drained, stressed

32. someone i love: my mom, my dog

33. my current relationship status: single as hell

34. relationship with my parents: pretty decent rn but thats rare so that could change 

35. favorite holiday: either christmas or easter

36.  tattoos and piercings i have: lilacs, an arrow and a lotus flower; five on my ears, nipples septum and nose

37. tattoos and piercings i want: im hopefully getting a mountain tattoo soon; im good with piercings fornow but i do want to stretch my ears again

38. reason i joined tumblr: idk im gay and sad

39. do me and my last ex hate eachother: i dont hate him but idk if that feeling is mutual

40. do i ever get goodmorning/night texts: lololololol no?

41. have i ever kissed the last person i texted: nope

42. when did i last hold hands: last night my dog reached for my hand with her paw HA

43. how long does it take to get ready in the morning: not long maybe like 10 minutes 

44. have you shaved your legs in the last three days: yes 

45. where am i right now: bed

46. if i were drunk and cant stand whos taking care of me: raieee

47. do i like my music loud or reasonable: reasonable

48. do i live with my parents:yup

49. am i excited for anything: i get paid this week thats exciting 

50. do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to: sure

51. how often do i wear a fake a smile: too often

52. when was the last time i hugged someone: today

53. what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone in front of me: i dont care lol

54. is there anyone i trust even though i should not: maybe idk

55. what is something i disliked about today: i didnt have time to work out like usual

56. if i could meet anyone on earth who woul it be: bernie sanders

57. what do i think about most: idk my mind is alwasy racing

58. whats my strangest talent: i can put my leg behind my head

59. strangest phobia: too many to list im scared of everything

60. do i prefer to be behind the camera or infront of it: behind it 

61. what was the last lie i told: idk 

62. do i prefer talking on the phone to chatting online: i hate any form of phone call unless im really comfortable with the person

63. do i belive in ghosts/aliens: ghosts sure but aliens nah

64. do i believe in magic: no

65. doi believe in luck: maybe

66. whats the weather right now: freezing

67. what was the last book i read: Salt by Nayyirah Waheed

68.do i like the smell of gasoline: yes honestly

69. do i have any nicknames: Jenna

70. worst injury ive ever had: nerve damage and 10 stitches in my finger

71. do i spend money or save it: spend

72. can i touch my nose with my tongue: nah

73. is there anything pink in 10 feet from me: yes my victorias secret perfume 

74. favorite animals: lately hedgehogs forwhatever reason

75. what was i doing last night at 12am: probably netflix

76. what do i think satans last name is: this is such a random question

77. whats a song that always makes me happy when i hear it: its basic but riptide is a happy song

78. how can you win my heart: just do all the talking and let me sit there and listen bc i dont like to talk

79. what would i want to be written on my tombstone: here for a good time, not a long time

80. what is my favorite word: bumblefuck

81. my top 5 fav blogs on tumblr: @keepyouinmindfromtimetotime, @keepyouinmindfromtimetotime, so on and so forth (self promotion)

82. if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say: idk not much

83. do i have relatives in jail: no

84. superpower of choice: mind reading or teleportation

85. what would be a question id be afraid to tell the truth on: oooh idk this could have multiple answers

86. current desktop picture: like marbly blue

87. had sex before: yes 

88. bought condoms: noo

89. gotten pregnant: nope

90. failed a class: lmao yes

91. kissed a boy: yes

92. kissed a girl: many a times

93. kissed in the rain: yes

94. had a job: yes i am a barista 

95. left the house without my wallet: yes

96. bullied someone on the internet: no its usually the other way around

97. had sex in public: uhhhh

98. played on a sports team: yup

99. smoked weed: yes

100. did drugs: nah

101. smoked cigarettes: yuup

102. drank alchol: yes im drunk whle typing this

103. am i vegetarian/vegn: used 2 b

104. been overweight: nope

105. been underweight: very

106. been to a wedding: yes

107. been on the computer for 5 straight hours: yes lmao

108. watched tv for 5 straight hours: yes lmao

109. been out of the country: no :(

110.gotten my heart broken: too many times

111. been to a professional sports game: yup

112. broken a bone: yes

113. cut myself: ya

114. been to prom: no 

115. been in an airplane: yes i hate it

116. fly in a helicopter: no

117. concerts ive been to: too many to list idek

118. had a crush on someone of the same sex: yea haha

119. learned another language: i took italian in hs

120. wore make up: sometimes

121. lost my viriginity before 18: yes

122. had oral sex: sure 

123. dyed my hair: yes its been blue, purple, pink, red, black all of the above

124. voted in a pres election: yes

125. rode in an ambulance: nope

126. had surgery: i dont think so maybe once when i was little

127. met someone famous: yes

128. stalked someone on social media: i mean define stalking. like ive looked through peoples instagrams? 

129. peed outside: literally never

130. been fishing: yup

131. helped with charity: yes!

132. been rejected by a crush: id have to put myself out there to be rejected which i dont do so no

133. broken a mirror: too many times

134. what do i want for my birthday: uhhh idk 

[bittersyrups]

everything everything everything is always MY fault its always my fault ive always believed that ive alwasy been told everything is my fault and its always what i believe i always lblame myself i dont know how to see others as bad i even tell my friends to lowkey always blame me for shit ive literally told people to not say that “its ok” when i say sorry to them because its not fucking ok its my fault im a fuck up dont act like im not because if you think im not its a goddanm lie