#ive actually had this interview saved for a long time

[carcarrot]

[evupdates]

GuitarWorld: “I did everything by working my ass off. I played in bars six nights a week, 300 shows a year, three one-hour sets every night for eight years with no record deal”: Evanescence’s Troy McLawhorn on his guitar firsts, favorites and embarrassing moments https://trib.al/khFs88q

Interview Behind The Read More

In this Inquirer column, we reach out to Troy McLawhorn of Evanescence to answer the essential questions in any guitar player’s life. We’re talking first songs learned, first guitars played, and what would McLawhorn do if he had a time machine?

Well, maybe we know the answer to that – he’d take that damned trench coat back to the store…

What was your first guitar?

“My mom and dad had guitars in the house, and though they didn’t play them that much, those were the first guitars I grew up playing on. The one I really started to learn how to play on was my mom's nylon-string classical guitar.

“I played that for years before they bought me my first guitar, which I picked out in a music store down the street from my house. It had a black Gibson Explorer-style body with a maple neck and was made by a company called Lotus.”

What was the first song you learned to play?

“House of the Rising Sun by the Animals. I figured out the chords and then gave a little concert to my mom and dad. I was around 12.”

Do you remember your first gig?

“My first gigs were playing at parties. In my hometown, older kids would have what they called keg parties, where they’d buy a couple of kegs of beer and have a band play. So my first gigs were in people’s backyards, playing at parties for older people who were getting drunk. One of the earliest bands I can remember being in at the time was Hellrazor. By default, our only payment was beer.”

Ever had an embarrassing moment on stage?

“I can't think of anything in particular that occurred in Evanescence, but I do remember one embarrassing moment back in the early ’90s when I was in Still Rain. Whenever I performed, I’d wear snakeskin boots and a leather trench coat that went all the way down to the ground.

“One night, I was playing a solo at the front of the stage and totally rocking out. When I was done, I took a step back, but because my trench coat was so long, I stepped on it and couldn’t stand up straight.

“Each time I tried stepping back, the trench coat got shorter and shorter, until I fell down on stage on my back into the drum kit. I rolled around for a second so I could get my shit together, and I finally got up.”

What’s your favorite piece of gear?

“One piece of gear that I regret letting go of was a Mesa Boogie Mark IV. It was a combo that had a beautiful tweed front. As for my favorite, it’s my 1985 Gibson Les Paul Custom that was given to me for my birthday by a good friend.

“It was used when I got it, but it’s a beautiful guitar that’s got this amazing piece of leather artwork on the front. I’ve never seen anything like it and it just sounds and plays great.”

Suppose the building is burning down; what one guitar from your collection would you save?

“My wife gave me a really great American Telecaster for Christmas a few years back. It’s one of my favorite guitars to play when I’m at home, and it means a lot to me because my wife gave it to me.”

When was the last time you practiced and what did you play?

“It would’ve been last night before the show. I warm up before every show, playing guitar for 20 or 30 minutes. I will usually go through some exercises, and maybe a couple of things in the show that I may have fucked up the night before.

“I don’t really have a routine, as I don’t actually sit down and practice all that much when on tour, as I concentrate on maintaining and getting ready for the show I’m about to play. But when I’m home, I practice a lot and like to learn new things.”

What aspect of the guitar would you like to improve?

“I’d love to have more of a knowledge of music theory. Growing up, I learned everything by ear. I just listened to records and tried to figure out what I could. I think it would be great to have more of an educated knowledge of theory and scales and all that stuff.”

What advice would you give to your younger self?

“I’d say invent a time machine so it can take you to now, where you could watch YouTube videos! I think it’s amazing that kids have YouTube now, because it would’ve been a whole different thing for me if I had all the knowledge that’s on YouTube."

“I did everything I could by working my ass off. I played in bars five and six nights a week, playing 300 shows a year, playing three one-hour sets every night for about eight years with no record deal. The experience was amazing. I don’t know what more I could have done outside of what we did in that time.”

Fallen (20th Anniversary) is out now via Craft Recordings.

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. IV

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: toxic relationship, abuse, blood, injuries, mentions of crimes, angst

A/N: Maybe it’s a little too much, but I really felt like it, promise the other parts will be more calm and fluffy, still hope you enjoy🥰

It’s been a few days now, and not much has changed. He still wasn’t talking to me about things he should, but I knew it was only a matter of time. But at least we talked a lot, about everything except the important things, but it’s okay. If he wasn’t here we were texting and it made me feel more safe.

I got up late, enjoying my day off, when I got an unexpected call. It was from St. Thomas, one of the hospitals I applied to. They wanted me to come for an interview and I could actually go there the same day, since I wasn’t at work, so I took a quick shower, did my makeup and put a jacket on to cover the tattoos on my arms. At least for the interview. I really wanted to get this job and the phone call was promising. I sat in my car, feeling like I wasn’t there for ages. Sound of the engine starting warmed my heart a little. I was still stressed, but nothing bad can happen, the worst thing is them not hiring me, but that’s not the end of the world. Driving 30 miles and obeying all the rules was pretty boring, so I decided to step on the gas harder. I knew well why I stopped doing that, but still, it can’t get any worse now, can it?

The lady interviewing me was much nicer than I expected and at the end she said I can get started next week. After that she was talking about some papers I’ll need to sign, but I couldn’t focus on that. The only thing in my head was who should I call first. My shitty boss, telling him I won’t stand behind his shitty bar ever again, or Juice. That one won’t be so easy, me moving from Lodi might make our situation worse. Leaving the room and going down the hall I was staring at my phone, wondering what should I tell him first. New job, moving out? I stared at my phone and stopped rapidly before tripping over some man. He stopped too, so I looked at him. Pretty tall, black beard and hair with silver accents, two long scars by his mouth, imitating a wide smile. But that was not what I was looking at, his cutte was hella familiar.

- Holy shit - I said before thinking of anything else

- Hi - he laughed - can I help you?

- Uh-huh. I have a quick question.

- Go on then - his smile was warm

- Is “Redwood Original” the name of your charter? - I pointed at his patch, which I saw way too many times, but on a different guy

- Ya. Why? - I liked his accent

- And what are you doing here?

- What do you mean by “here”? - his laugh was a bit comforting looking at the weirdness of the situation - The hospital?

- No, what are you doing in Charming?

- Well, darlin’ I live here.

- You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!

- I’m actually not, but can you tell me what’s wrong?

- Nothing’s wrong. Could you tell Juice I said hi?

- Juice? - I heard confusion in his voice

- Yeah… - he kinda put me off guard

- Oh no, don’t get me wrong. We just didn’t know he had a lady.

- We’re just friends, nothing serious - I said nervously and he smirked

- Hey, Chibs! - I heard a man yelling from the other side of the hall - No time for chicks now, we have to go.

- Shit, sorry. So what’s your name again?

- Y/n - I realised I didn’t introduce myself - thanks Chibs.

- Anything - he said walking away

Problem solved. I dialled my bosses number when I heard Chibs saying

- Ay, Tiggy. You knew Juice got himself a girl?

- No shit, finally - the other man replied with a laugh

That’s gonna be fun.

My ride back home was way quicker than it should, but I didn’t care, still happy about my new job. I sat at the balcony with my laptop and started to look through the houses for sale in Charming, after a few minutes I heard a motorcycle pulling up. A moment later I heard a familiar knock on my door, so ran there to unlock it. Juice came in without even asking.

- The hell were you doing in Charming? - I flinched at him throwing his hands in the air and saying it a bit louder than necessary

- I got a new job…. - I replied taking a step back

He must’ve seen my reaction and realised it’s because of him, staring at the floor now.

- But why didn’t you tell me you applied to St. Thomas?

- You never asked what places I applied to. Are you mad? - I decided to get more defensive and set my boundaries - I don’t get what your problem is, you never even told me where you live, so what’s this about? Scared your friends are going to meet me now? Don’t worry, it’s already too late and I still never wanted to-

- Hey - he cut me off with a laugh - What are you talking about? That’s great news.

The relief was surely visible on my face because he shortened the distance between us again.

- So you’re not mad I’m moving?

- Mad? - his laugh melted my heart - Why the hell would I be mad? It will be even easier to hit up on you when you’ll be closer. Just watch out for Tig, he might me a little extra sometimes.

My phone started buzzing but I completely ignored it.

- Why would I ever see him again? Y’all live together in a cute little house or you spend so much time at the hospital? - he didn’t say anything about that, just laughed

- You’re not going to answer?

I took the phone out of my pocket and declined the call from Mark.

- Absolutely not.

We decided to order some food and just hang out for a while. Spending time with him was something else, I felt more safe and comfortable than ever, even tho I knew him for only about a month. Although this time was different, Mark tried to call me two times and I declined. He hasn’t reach out for a few days now so it was my chance to finish it, but I couldn’t pick up when Juice was around. He will probably call again. Definitely. I tried to enjoy spending time with Juice but it was hard to focus. For the first time I was relieved when he said he’s got to go. When I closed the door behind him and sat on the couch I looked at the unread messages. “You moved to Lodi? Why didn’t you tell me?” Holy fuck. How can he know that. I stared at the messages when he called, answered immediately.

- Jesus Christ Mark. Can you finally leave me alone? We broke up months ago.

- Not really - he sounded offended - you broke up with me.

- Exactly - I just smiled at how ridiculous was what he just said - and it means we’re not together anymore

- But can we at least talk about it? For the last few months you acted like you forgot about me.

- Maybe because I did - I was confident, trying to let him know it’s really over - that’s what people do after a breakup. Fucking forget about each other, you should do that too.

- Don’t swear princess - he sounded so calm, started to freak me out

- I’m not you damn princess, what the fuck is wrong with you Mark?

- I just want to talk, you live in Lodi, right? - I felt my body tense at his words

- Well, I’m moving soon, but that’s not your business.

- But you’re still in town? I want to talk to you personally. I’ll be there in 5.

This has to be a joke. He can’t come here, he can’t know where I am.

- You’re freaking me out Mark - I said and hung up

I didn’t know what to do and lately when this happened I just texted Juice. But what am I going to tell him now? Hey, can you come save me, I think my crazy ex got my address somehow and is on his way to kill me or sth. He probably isn’t even going to come here. He surely just meant Lodi. I’ll be there in 5. I’ll be in Lodi in 5. Yup, that’s it. I opened the conversation with Juice.

Hey, I know you just left, but could you come by? I want to talk, but don’t worry, you haven’t done anything bad this time:)

I looked at the message. He won’t freak out, nothing’s happening. It sounds cool. I praised myself in my head for not overreacting when I heard knocking on the door. But it wasn’t my favourite knocking. It was more harsh, aggressive.

- Y/n, please, I just want to talk - his voice was nice, welcoming

I walked to the door slowly, thinking what could happen.

- Please, you know I won’t hurt you. Let’s just finish it.

At this point I had no choice. Slowly bringing my hand up I unlocked the door, at the same moment he slammed it open. I felt warm blood dripping from my nose. Meeting with the cool surface of the wall behind me was comforting, trying to get my thoughts together I just stood there for what felt like hours. He grabbed my hand and brought me to sit on the sofa with him.

- Oh baby, look what you made me do - he said while getting a tissue and wiping my nose and mouth, but I slammed his hand away

- What I made you do? Get out of my house and leave me alone - I yelled, but got silent as he slapped me

I wished I told Juice the truth, or at lest called him to actually come here.

- Shh, let me talk - I just nodded - look, we could start again, what do you think?

- I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship, not with you.

- Not with me? - he put his hand on my throat and started squeezing - okay, but we don’t have to do it now, huh? - I felt my eyes watering - I can give you some time, just don’t treat me like air.

- Mark, you’re hurting me - I whispered underneath my breath

- Oh right - he pulled his hand back - sorry, love.

My phone started buzzing on the table, I tried to get it but just felt a hard punch on my ribs causing me to wrap my hands around my body.

- Who’s Juice? - he asked

- Just a friend, we work together - I forced a smile to calm him down

- Just a friend? - another punch - just a friend? - he yelled punching me again

- Yes - I said confidently

- Then why would you try to answer so fast? - another punch

I have to change my strategy before I cough my lungs out.

- I just wanted to mute, so no one will bother us.

- Oh, I’m sorry baby, you know I’m nervous sometimes.

- I know, it’s all right - I smiled, blood filling my mouth again

- So can we start again? You know I’m not like this. I have a hotel here, I’m staying for a while.

- That sounds good, but I need some rest now. You can call me tomorrow, how about that? We’ll figure something out.

He pulled me in and kissed my forehead. I felt tingling in my fingers, realising he was holding my wrists so tight I felt blood leaving my hands.

- I missed you. Glad you’re okay, I was afraid you’ll push me away again. I should go now - I felt the pressure around my wrists loosen - I’m so grateful I found you.

- How did you know where I live? - I asked before realising it will only make him stay longer

- Emily told me she talked to you before you moved.

Oh sure, fucking slut.

- I’ll go now, please don’t make me do things like that again. We’ll talk different tomorrow.

- Okay, see you then - I forced a smile and waited for him to leave so I can close the door

I sat on the couch and tried to settle my breath. While putting my fingers to my pulsing temple I felt it’s also wet and sticky. And how the fuck did that happen? I looked at my fingers covered in blood and just wished he’d really leave me alone today. I walked up to the sink to wash my hands and face, looked at the mirror. Bruises covering my neck and wrists, tried to take off my shirt to look at my ribs but couldn’t put my hands high enough so I just sat on the couch glad that it’s over and I’m all right. I remembered the times when he suddenly started being aggressive towards me and after that acted like nothing happened. That’s why I left him, that’s one of the reasons why I left LA. Focusing on what just happend I forgot about texting Juice, but when I heard knocking on my door my heart dropped.

- Y/n. Open the door please!

His scream made me shiver but I walked to the door opening it slowly. He bursted in and walked past me.

- Please don’t do that again, you can’t text me such shit and then just not answer my messages and calls, I was-

He got silent immediately when he looked at my face. Wandering around with his eyes he saw the tissues covered in blood on the coffee table.

- What the hell happened here?

I couldn’t answer, just fell into his arms feeling tears dripping on my cheeks. He gently walked me to the couch and sat close enough to wrap his hands around me in a comforting hug. He didn’t say anything, just hold me close stroking my arm lightly, waiting for me to calm down. When I started breathing normally I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, but immediately turned my head away when I felt my eyes watering again.

- Can you tell me what happened now?

- You want to hear the whole story or just todays one?

- Do we have time for the longer one? - he smiled gently encouraging me to speak

I told him everything about Mark. Starting at how we met during a race, our stormy relationship, his sudden change of attitude and finally about the breakup he couldn’t accept. Then I started about what happened today, but felt like I forgot half of it.

- So at least I was right about the toxic ex - he tried to sound funny but I heard his voice shaking - Why didn’t you tell me? Jesus, I should know, all the missed calls and messages, you flinched when I raised my voice. I should ask you about it, it’s obvious you won’t tell me.

- God, stop. Are you blaming yourself?

- Maybe a little. You should go with me, we have a doctor at the clubhouse, she should see this.

- I don’t need a doctor Juice.

He put his hand on my side which made me bring my knees up and hold them close to my chest.

- This looks like you need to see a doctor. Your nose is also not looking good.

- I don’t think it’s broken.

- Maybe it’s not, but Tara will do something about it. Let me help you, please - he sounded desperate at this point

- Okay, I’ll go.

- Then go and pack, I’ll help you but first I have to call Jax.

- Pack?

- You don’t think you’re staying here, do you?

I knew I couldn’t stay here but I was planning on getting a hotel room near Charming before I could find a house.

- I’m not homeless, I don’t need a shelter.

He just smiled at me and called Jax, I got up slowly and went to my bedroom to get the most important stuff. Juice joined me a few minutes later.

- Tara finishes her shift in about an hour, then she can come and see you, we’ll wait for her - I rolled my eyes - unless you want to go to a hospital?

- And what will I tell them?

- That you were attacked by a clowder of cats?

When we packed all the things I might need in the next few days I realised I’m still covered in blood in some places, it dried up making me feel pretty uncomfortable.

- I think I need to take a shower before we go - I said stroking my hair

- Really? - he put his face in his hands in an act of disbelief

- Really. I won’t go anywhere like that.

- As you wish princess, I’ll wait.

- Yeah, great. Can you help me with my shirt?

- You can’t put your hands up and still tried to refuse seeing a doctor?

- I just. I don’t want to go to your clubhouse okay, definitely not looking like that.

- We’re used to it, don’t worry.

- Used to bringing beat up hoes by another members? - I didn’t actually know why I reacted like that

I was really grateful Juice wanted to help me, I guess it was just my reaction about being so stressed lately. I automatically regretted saying that, waiting for him to take up the argument, but instead he came closer and lightly grabbed my hands.

- Y/n - he started softly - you’re not a hoe, nobody thinks you are. You shouldn’t think about yourself like that either. I know you’re stressed, but you know I just want to help.

- I know, I���m sorry…

- Don’t be sorry, just let me do what’s best for you now.

When I took a shower Juice helped me with my bags and we were ready to go. He stopped at the door and turned to me.

- Can we take your car? I’m not sure bike is a good option for our trip - he smiled

- Sure - I tossed him the keys - but you drive.

We walked out and I leaded him to my car, before he put the bags in the trunk he stopped and looked at it for a moment.

- A fucking challenger? You really were playing Fast and Furious back there.

I just laughed and got in the passenger sit, realising I’ve never sat here.

- I never let anyone drive it, it’s like my child, so you better be careful - I sent him a warning smile - you should feel honoured.

- Well, I am. Don’t worry, I won’t be speeding.

- Oh don’t be ridiculous, that’s what this car was made for. Just don’t hit any pedestrians or worse, a curb - I sent him a death stare and he just laughed before turning on the engine

- Wow - his smile was beautiful, especially when he was sitting here

I started getting more nervous as we entered Charming. Handling one biker was enough for me and meeting an entire charter sounded even worse. I met one, basically two of them and they seem nice, but I don’t think that’s really how they are. We pulled up in the parking lot around midnight. Juice helped me get my bag and we headed to the clubhouse. Silently I wished it’ll be empty since it was that late, but I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t crowded, but when we entered, the hot smell of alcohol and cigarettes hit me as if I walked to a crowded bar in a big city. Everybody got quiet and all eyes were on me. Chibs stood up and walked to me, patting my shoulder lightly.

- Hello sweetie. I believe you looked better last time I saw you.

- Oh thanks, nice to see you too, now shove off - I said before thinking about it

At least I didn’t say fuck off.

- I knew you were a good one when I first met you - he laughed and went back to the couch

I looked around and saw that they’re not staring at me now, when I walked through the room everyone greeted me, like they actually were friendly. Juice told me to sit next to Chibs since I already knew him and he went to get Jax.

- Oh hello - said the man with curly hair I saw at the hospital - I’m Tig.

- I remembered that - I smiled lightly - I’m y/n.

- Well, so you’re Juice’s girl, huh?

- Okay, I don’t know what he told you, but we’re just friends - I was pretty annoyed by hearing it again, not knowing what Juice was saying about me

- Actually he told us nothing about you. We tried asking him but he only said that you’re from Lodi, nothing more. But now - his blue eyes wandered around my face and body, tracing all the visible bruises - what happened?

- Just a few scratches, Juice insisted that I should see a doctor so here I am, waiting for Tara.

- But who did it?

- Thanks for your worries Tig, but that’s not important.

- I’ll get you a beer, huh? - he smiled and walked up to the bar

Actually a beer is a good idea.

- Listen - I turned to Chibs immediately when I heard his voice - I know you’re not comfortable here and you don’t want to talk about it, but we need to know who did that. You’re a friend to a club now, we’ll help you.

- Juice helped me already - I shrugged my shoulders

- So you’re sure that this person won’t find you here?

- Uh, well - but I never finished

Juice came in with Jax and gave me a hand to help me get up.

- Jesus Christ… - Jax gently wrapped his hands around me as a welcome - Are you allright? Tara will be here soon, she’ll take care of you.

- I’m sorry Jax, I didn’t want to come here in her free time. I’m really grateful she’ll come.

- That’s not a problem.

- Now - Juice looked more serious then ever - can you give me your phone?

- My phone? Why do you need it?

- I need to make sure he won’t bother you again, your phone can help me find him. And don’t say you don’t want me to do that, I’ll find him either way, we can’t risk him coming back.

I didn’t know what to say, I never thought this could happen. Juice bringing me here should keep me safe.

- I’ll come with you - said a long haired man sitting at the table besides us, he greeted me with the warmest smile saying his name’s Bobby

- I’ll go too - said Chibs standing up slowly

- Count me in - Jax nodded looking at me

- If you have so many volunteers - Tig came back with our beers - I’ll stay here, keep an eye on the girls.

- Okay, so we’re all set - Jax smiled at me again - Tara will be here any minute, then we can go.

I sat on the couch, glued to Juice’s side when they were talking about some random shit, I couldn’t focus on the conversation thinking about what was going to happen. When all of them got in an argument about Tig’s hair I felt Juice’s eyes landing on me. Bringing my head up I looked at him and he put his hand on my cheek sending me a warming smile.

- Are you going to kill him? - I asked seriously, keeping my eyes on his

- We’ll do what’s necessary - he kissed my forehead

- Don’t do this - I shyly tried to push him away

- And why is that? - I looked around the room - I told you they don’t give a fuck.

And they actually didn’t. No one was even looking at us. I took a sip of my beer realising it’s almost empty.

- Another one? - Juice asked and I just nodded

When he left I looked around the room again, how can they all be so calm? My eyes stopped at a woman coming through the door. She also saw me, gave me a welcoming smile and came up to me.

- And you must be y/n. I’m Tara, nice to meet you. Let’s go clean you up.

She leaded me to a smaller room and closed the door. I looked around at the wooden table and chairs around it. Tara encouraged me to sit down and opened her bag, starting to clean the cuts on my face.

- I’m sorry you had to come here, I really wanted to do this myself but Juice got stubborn.

- Don’t worry, I help the club when I can, wanna tell me what happened?

I couldn’t say anything because the door opened and Jax came in saying that they’re ready to go. He gave Tara a kiss and told her to take care of me, after that he was gone and we stayed alone again.

- So? - she continued - it doesn’t look like a little fight with a friend.

She seemed so peaceful that I decided to shorten the story for her. She looked at me from time to time but never interrupted. When I finished she stopped for a moment and looked me in the eyes.

- I know what you’re going through, trust me. The guys will take care of him and you’ll be safe, it’ll be okay. Let them do what they have to, before it’s too late.

I didn’t know what to say, just kept looking at the door not wanting to catch her sight again.

- Good news, your nose is not broken, but it may bleed from time to time. And about your wrists-

- Oh, probably nothing happened, I’ve actually had problems with my wrists for a few years now.

- Yeah, I can see that, you should think about a surgery. None of your ribs are broken too, but it looks bad, so I’ll come again and see what’s going on in a few days. For now you’re okay - she smiled while packing her bag - I’m really sorry, wanted to stay with you but our babysitter called and I need to go home.

- Oh sure, you should be home right after you finished work. Thank you again for all you did for me, I really appreciate that.

She smiled and opened the door for me. I instantly came to sit with Tig since he was the only one here I “knew”.

- You look better now, hope you also feel that way - he handed me a beer

- Do you drink here all day long or is today any special?

- There are no limits about drinking here, don’t worry.

He was actually nice and pretty funny. All of them were, maybe it’s not going to be as bad as I thought. We talked for about 40 minutes before they came back and I actually enjoyed our conversation. I felt pretty safe here. That’s weird. When boys came through the door I felt shivers on my body. Knives and guns at their belts, bruises and scratches everywhere, they just looked scary.

- It’s all done, you don’t have to worry about him anymore - Jax said with a smile - but I think you should stay here, at least ‘till tomorrow.

- He’s right, come on - Juice got my bag and gave me his hand

I followed him through the hall and entered his room. It was much cleaner than I thought and kinda cozy. If you can say a room at a clubhouse is cozy. I went through my bag to find a T-shirt and matching shorts to sleep in. Juice helped me with a shirt and put my bag back on the floor.

- I’m going to take a shower now, you can change here. The covers are clean, don’t worry - he laughed as he closed the bathroom door behind him

I changed my jeans to shorts and crawled under the covers. The bed was much more comfortable that it looked, but maybe it was just because I was really tired. I tried not to drift away waiting for Juice to come back. When he finally opened the door quietly and made sure I’m not asleep he sat down next to me and grabbed my hand.

- You’re safe here y/n, everything will be fine. Aren’t you hungry?

- I don’t know.

- How can you don’t know? - he laughed softly

- I mean, I probably won’t eat anything, you know.

- Are you sure? I can get you something.

- I’m good - I felt my eyes closing

- Okay, so goodnight - I felt him getting up and opened my eyes again

- Are you not going to stay with me? - he froze

- Do you want me to stay?

- Well… - he raised his eyebrow - yeah, okay. I want you to stay.

He said nothing and laid down next to me, but still keeping some distance, so I decided to shorten it. Rested my head on his arm and smiled when he kissed my forehead again. That felt nice, I love feeling his body next to mine. He gently traced all my face features with his fingers, not leaving any detail, while I slowly fell asleep feeling his hot breath in my hair.

[pixelkip]

I have an interview for an actually terrible sounding job today bc there are barely any jobs in my bumfuck nowhere city that im even remotely qualified for and I just cannot stop thinking about how fucked it is that you're just expected to be willing to give up any semblance of comfort or concern for your own wellbeing to get the Getting To Live Points.

Doing menial work makes me wanna jump off a cliff and I'm genuinely concerned about whether it's safe for me to be doing physical labor for around 10 hours a day at a job where you have to wear full-length pants in a building with no ac while it's consistently 80-100°F outside.

Not to mention they want me to pass a drug test, and I use thc to treat my anxiety and depression.. but I'm only 19 and don't have a medical card. My parents insist it'll be fine bc thc itself is legal in our state and "surely they won't care even if it does come up!". Yea. Sure.

But since ive been rejected by or unable to do most of the jobs here, it's either take this or keep looking for a dwindling number of available jobs, continue being chastised by my parents for not having a job yet and possibly no longer be able to pay for shit I need once I run out of money I've had saved.

I know no job I can get is going to fit all the things I'd prefer, but I really don't know where I should be drawing the line anymore in terms of how bad of conditions I should be willing to deal with. Every time I don't want to do a job for a reason that sounds pretty sensible to me I'm told I'm being too picky, but now I'm being told "well you don't have to take it if it doesn't sound like you can do it" when just a couple weeks ago I was being called too picky and full of myself for not wanting the job in the first place.

I already know this whole,, thing was fucked up as is. Capitalism bad what an unorthodox take for this site /s but it feels even worse when you're surrounded by people who really should understand why this feels to devastating but just.. dont. The whole attitude around it seems to be "yea, it sure does suck! But if you aren't willing to deal with it there's something wrong with you!"

Sorry for the long post I just cannot seem to keep my thoughts in my head.

[mrstsung]

Unpopular opinion them gender bending cyrax n sektor was the worst thing and cash grabby "look at me guys im so special,give us money" move from nrs. It's so fucking stupid that they ignore cassie n Jacqui (lets be honest,they wanted to appeal to those characters fans and did it in a backhanded way,look at takeda,no longer kenshis son,and is his brother or some shit. Ugh gross.) and think that this will save them from a shitty game. Gender bending and adding microtransactions to your broke ass game that needs patches for your patches to make it even functional on a basic lvl won't make people come and play it. Nor will it bring back long time fans,players,and new people are getting bored. It appeals to short time players n tik tokers who only make dumb sparkle edits and don't even play the game or care about the series. They only look at it because fucking homelander,omiman,and "trends" and it hides behind hastags. Mk11 wasn't even this bad. So yeah.

Sorry not sorry. If you want more women in mk fix your fucking established women characters first fuckers.

And stop making them same faced and looking like rule 34 porn models.

You cant hide behind the "it's a new era" shit when everything they are doing is fucking a scam. They dont care about their fans and the mk community outside of small circles is toxic. It clearly shows when they've been in the dark,not genuinely promoting their game because they know it's shit. Only interviews on podcasts. Which imho,unless done right is the bane of online business. Also to add insult to injury,multiverse is lazy writing so people dont have to actually think about continuity,consistency,and fixing the problem. You dont wanna explore possibilities because you wanna have superheros in your shitty dying franchise. I love mortal kombat but i have every fucking right to be pissed! Ive been on that train since i was a kid. Since shaolin monks and deadly alliance days. Midway days. Yeah. I was there gandalf! I've seen the fuckery for yeeeears! And non game mk media is going so well and thats not good when your game sucks and your a gaming company. But the movies based loosely on your games thats not connected has a better understanding of your series than you. Hollywood,of all places understands mk better. That's the fucked up part.

In all honesty im not surprised by this move at all. However,it's sad more to see people falling for this garbage. The media illiteracy is astonishing. And it doesn't hurt to be skeptical considering nrs current business decisions. And the fact they fucked up a simple thing at evo. And nobody's going to play if you keep promoting a broken ass game with no fucking substance. It's all a fucking mess and it's the most expensive half assed mugan.

No offense I've played some mk mugans,fans understand how to make a game better than a "triple a game company"

Nrs has also i heard in rumors,gonna be selling mortal kombat and jumping ship. So im not surprised if all the shitty business decisions they've been making in the game is to "make it worse for the next sucker to clean it up" type of thing.

Ed boon should retire. And give it back to tobias.

Then maybe we can actually have something nice.

Wb is also going to the shitter and im thinking that they are a big factor to why this game series has gone to shit.

Not to mention to unnecessary crunch time they've been putting their game devs thru. Mk11 and i think mkX had this problem.

So yeah. I dont want genderbends to make me a femme gamer to feel included. I want you to use your established female characters and fucking write them right!!!

🔥💀🔪

Starting with sonya blade!

[cheshire-castle-library]

hey! this is chance & here’s this week’s prompt. what websites or resources do you use while you write or develop a character/story? what do you think of them and would you recommend them?

Hello!! Been fighting a war of spoons this week, so sorry for the delay with this!

Honestly it would be magical if I had 1 single source I could rely on for writer's research, but Google is generally my starting point. After that here are the places I trust the information of:

Masterclass - there are a surprising number of articles and mini interviews for free written or influenced by the professional writers in the platform. One day I'll pay for the full service if only to hear Mr. Gaiman tell me his perspective on storytelling; but the free articles are really concise and informative for structure

Save the Cat Writes a Novel (its a book but there are references all over the internet to it as well) - definitely don't feel chained to what the method lays out!! But the nuances about what should happen in certain types of beats are a great push when you get stuck!!! But it's a really rigid beat sheet that probably won't 100% adhere to what you need it to be.

Behind the Name - actually discusses meanings and origins of cultural names!! This is a great way to get started or to help carve put a character who is a little too murky to write yet.

The Phrontistry - difficult to navigate on a time crunch since its not made for writers, but ctrl-f a key word helps. This place has lists and lists of DEAD WORDS!! Use it to name shit! Use it learn victorian and old english slang. Use it because you just like words. (By the way, a Phrontistry is "a place meant for thinking", so a Zen garden is a phrontistry!!)

My Uni Library Website - this is a privilege I know, but if you can get access to academic sources on arts and cultures it really changes the way you can respectfully draw inspiration from other cultures!!

4TheWords - this is the ADHD buster! Its down at the time I wrote this, but it's a website that gamifies writing so its not just a timer like in writing sprints, every word you type goes to "defeating a monster". You so quests like any mmo and I've legitimate written over 50k in under 30 days because brain goes into panic "it doesn't have to be good" mode and I can get stuff done! Its not totally free, but the micropurchases are actually micro snd you can earn time as well as buy it. They have to make ends meet so i can't be mad

Writer.bighugelabs.com - ive used this online typewriter for like 5+ years. Lifetime membership is 99$ and it goes to the one guy who made it keeping it running. It's got an offline mode and document history so just as long as you are careful and you preload the tab, you don't need data on your netbook/chromebook/ipad to write. It's no markdown, just words on page, it makes typewriter noises, and it looks like a dos command prompt. If you pay for it, you can customize colours, and ive used it for everything from timed exams to emails to novel chapters.

Obsidian.md - free program you can get as an app or on desktop that lets you make basically your own wiki. I've posted about it for my studies, but you can just make your own wiki about your novel, or choose to write directly into it. It supports markdown and latex-like formulae so I've literally written reports in it.

Also like,,,, don't be afraid to use the blogs of other writers! They have experience you could use. But I try to avoid posts that are "7 tips to write x y z" or "never do p q r when writing" because they just get in my head and are generally highly opinionated and are not objectively correct.

I do use, reblog, and strongly support resource and psa type posts though!! Some beautiful human has been making "ways to write [emotion]" posts on tumblr and that person I would like to kiss. They are useful information-based and example-based posts that are just like "and here are some oprions" instead of giving people who are already prone to second guessing themselves (writers) more things to fear cause them "should i even try, what if im cringe and everyone roasts my work" anxiety. ((If people are gonna roast your work, they will nitpick it apart regardless of whether you reinvented My Immortal or wrote the spiritual successor to This Is How You Lose The Time War, so like,,, please just write @me and everyone else who needs to hear that.))

I also advise at least skimming posts about demographics you are not in, especially the ones about how they want to be represented and how it's appropriate to include that in your narrative structure. If you are not in that demographic, you - by definition - cannot fully understand what it's like to be the people who are. Therefore you should to do some quality research and maybe be willing to ask questions of people to make sure you don't fall into stereotypes/virtue signaling/etc.

Finally, *inhales*: WIKIPEDIA!

Yes anyone can edit it, but you know who does??? Coffee riddled neurodivergent individuals with a passion for that one obscure thing you were shocked to find on Wikipedia.

Use the information as a primer, and then to to the sources and try to track down more specific and more "reliable" information. But Wikipedia is usually enough if you are like designing creatures and stuff like that. I don't need amphibious biology research to design an axolotl-like alien sentient lifeform.

That being said, I'm not going to stay limited to wikipedia when i go to learn about xolotl and the culture that named axolotls in order to make sure i don't just steal one animal and a naming convention but also pay some respect and homage to the spirit of the animal and related irl folklore. But finding relatable and first hand cultural sources is very case by case.

[call-me-lemon]

Guys I was fucking dead tired all day but I had to run dnd anyways and right after the session I fucking crashed, took like a three hour long power nap, and ive been up ever since.

Ive been trying so hard to sleep at night and stay awake during the day and everybody acts as if this is a personal moral failing as if im not trying hard enough but im fucking wide awake against my own will. Even if I actively choose to lie down and try to go to beddy bye at 10 pm like a good little cunt I still end up lying awake in bed unable to do anything about it. Melatonin works wonders but I am not financially independant because trying to break into the job market is hell and it doesnt help that im afraid of cars so id honestly rather bike everywhere, I like bikes, but to do that id need to find an entry level job thats actually entry level and isnt just lying about being entry level and is within biking distance and preferably has a bike rack or just get rides from my mom all the time which I dont like my mom shes so mean that both me and my sister who actually likes here are constantly having dreams about her being mean to us and she always uses opporotunities where im isolated and unable to leave to lash out, scream, and rant, I just dont think I can deal with that on a regular basis. Im still applying for jobs anyways but im running out of places to apply too after 30+ attempts netted me a grand total of like 2 interviews with no call-backs. When I get a job I need to start saving for a bike but I also need to buy melatonin or else im just going to be fucked all the time because I was just built different.

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 2 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side B

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Luis

real funny little guy I was introduced to him through seeing a shirtless mod that made several already somewhat queer scenes with him even more queer lol. also he dies so sadly and asking Leon (the protagonist) if he turned his life around which is both very catholic flavored and very depressing

Okay so i marked yes because the wiki says he was raised catholic but i can't find a source on that so here is what i for sure know: He does the sign of the cross with his gun when you play as him in the mercenaries mode and a major part of his character was that he grew up in an extremely backwater part of Spain. The head of the village when he lived there had the title of Father so thats Probably Catholic. A side novel released with the game about the village describes the village head as a priest and everyone in the village attending church on Sunday as well.

this guy drives me nuts for a variety of reasons including same age as my mom (not now but the game is set in 2004 so he would be now) he's very goofy and silly in a pretty scary kind of game, he eats floor three times in his second cutscene, and he has an extremely emotional and touching death scene (yeah he dies and im not over it). Also in the OG version of the game the protagonist literally never pronounces his name right even as he is dying (he dies in the original too yeah) so he deserves a break.

Vanessa

Despite her supernatural abilities & such that many people would label her as a sorceress, the series actually establishes that Vanessa, despite her darkness, is in fact Catholic. In fact,according to series creator John Logan in an interview with Variety Magazine discussing the ending of Penny Dreadful, he outright states that the series at its core is about Vanessa’s struggle with faith & doing the right thing, which is something that every Catholic (& even other religions as well) go through at some point before either returning to or turning away from the faith. In Logan’s own words: “This is a show about Vanessa Ives and her struggle with faith — how one woman grapples with God and the Devil.” The television show features on many occasions Vanessa & her Catholicism: her backstory with her childhood makes it very clear that her family was devoutly Catholic, an episode in Season 1 features Vanessa receiving an exorcism from Ethan with a Saint Jude pendant & Latin chanting that begs for divine intervention, Season 2 illustrates Vanessa losing her faith in God due to her guilt, & eventually *SPOILERS* Season 3 ends with Vanessa receiving redemption & her faith in God restored, as Ethan shoots her after saying the Lord’s prayer, saving her & the world from evil. John Logan discusses this redemption of Vanessa in the above mentioned interview. In his own words: “…she’s a character desperately in need of peace, & the mortal realm was not going to give it to her. The options were the realm of the Devil or the realm of God. Her way to achieve apotheosis, to achieve God, was to die and go to Heaven, and find the peace of the grave. That seems appropriate to the tone of the show. What I find remarkable about the ending is that she gets what she wants, which is to die & go to Heaven & be with God.” In other words, the creator of the show outright confirmed that despite her many struggles with faith, Vanessa found redemption & got to join God in Heaven. *SPOILERS* Long story short, it’s a story about a Catholic woman’s struggle with faith, but ultimately finding her way back & being saved.

[aishu-no-melody]

Can you please talk about Roy Mustang for me? I'd love to hear your interpretation of him? What do you think of him in 03 vs brotherhood/manga?

Ok grab a snack lol.

So to preface I have to say that I don't like Brotherhood in general and my opinions on that play a part in my opinion of Roy. He's my absolute favorite character like I have a VHS tape from like 2005 where I took my sister's VCDs and literally took up half the tape of a Roy montage lol. But these are my opinions and why I think he has the superir portrayl in 03.

Keep in mind though I have seen Brotherhood once, havent read the manga in years, but ive seen 03 and COS SO SO SO many times.

So I feel like the overall theme of Brotherhood is "military and armestris good. Ishvalain immigrants bad." And the military in 03 is painted so much differently. It's more realistic and they drive home the point that the military fucked up and show us that Roy really has not been a great person. I mean in 03 we see him try to kill himself twice over the fact that he's killed so many people and especially he's haunted by the innocent children. When he kills Winrys parents he realzies hes become so absolutely immoral and rotten that he has killed his own people and gets turnt and tries to take his own life. He's shady, there's that scene where he threatens to blackmail child Edward/expose him and Al (it's early in the season but I can't quite remember what for) yet he tries to shelter them from how harsh reality is. He thinks by becoming Furher everything will be okay now, he will be forgiven, and the country will be better. Long story short he has his own agenda that sounds great on paper but in reality, at least in the first like half of the series, is impossible.

The growth of his character in 03 is huge and they kind of stealthily plant the seeds early on. He's no longer gunning for the position of Furher because of his own selfish reasons, he's actively seeking revenge for Hughes which makes him start to unravel.

Obviously the character of Pride/Bradley deviates from the source in 03. Actually all the homonculous and their personal foes are directly related to the people they're fighting. Edward/Sloth etc. The whole relationship of Bradley and Roy and also the characterization of Bradley as Pride is very deliberate - Roy fights Bradley and is severely wounded/almost dies fighting Pride. The entire series Roy has so much pride and so much of an ego that it's destroying him. He is literally forced to face his own deadly sin and to kill his own ego.

Ultimately he kills Bradley but in doing so his life unravels and he does not get to be the hero, the savior, the one that fixes everything which his pride previously convinced him he was capable of doing. In COS we find him isolated, depressed and a shell of his former self, waiting for Edward to return, crippled and alone. Even by the end when he saves the day in the fancy little air balloon, he still cannot protect Edward and looses him forever. He looses absolutely everything and the director of COS even said in some kind of interview or something that after the movie Roy still would never hold the same power he once did and have that same respect. So at the end of the day - he has thrown everything he's ever had away for good because of his pride. He has no happy ending. He redeems himself to the viewer (unless you're me and the second you first see him go 😍 zaddy I can fix him) but by then he is too far gone - he is both an awful person and a martyr. We know his heart ultimately is in the right place by the end but his war crimes and atrocities still exist and his failure is still very evident. If you've never seen it, look up the 10 of Swords tarot card - while I'm pretty sure they did not purposely do it, the meaning of the card and ESPECIALLY the imagery of the original card is so so accurate and I think the best summary of his character. Look up Labyrnthos or something like that their summary of it is the best.

So I feel like in 03 he has far more depth and his character arc is so, so, much richer.

To discuss this I also have to get into his relationship with the Elric brothers, mainly Edward. He and Edward are parallels of each other - both of them are arrogant and oblivious and in trivial pursuit of righting their wrongs, when in reality there is nothing they can do to rectify either situation or take back the damage they've done. Roy obviously does care for the Elric brothers but does not know how to show it properly and ends up hurting them more than helping them, he basically put them into a world that destroys them - Edward loves his brother but can't outwardly emote it in the same way Al can and ends up literally destroying Al's everything when he convinces him to help attempt their mom's life.

Edward hates people who use others for their own personal gain or for selfish reasons, he hates arrogance and hatred itself. He rightly identifies all these qualities in Roy who he appears to hate, when in reality Edward tried to bring back his mom knowing there's a chance he and his brother could die, he is also extremely arrogant and has no problem using all the militaries money and resources to do what he wants yet he cannot fathom why Roy, who sticks his neck out for him many times, gets angry with him or why some Ishvallans people are offended that he is in the military.

They have some distantly codependent relationship because they both realize they need each other - Roy needed to recruit Edward initially to show off, he also realizes Edward knows valuable information he uses to complete his goal, but also sees someone who needs some form of guidance and discipline. Edward needs Roy so he can access the power and resources he provides but he also at the end of the day, after leaving the military and coming back randomly and literally going AWOL, Roy (AND his team) does not abandon him.

So knowing that Edward is loyal, Roy assumes in the last episode when he runs into Edward on the street looking fine as hell, that Edward will join him in his battle with pride. Roy has to go into battle now alone which it seems he didn't apparently take into account and because of this he barely beats Bradley and almost dies. Edward finally accepts that Roy isn't 100% gutted and sees the good in him and finally becomes aware that the military he chose to join is corrupt, therefore so is he - he doesn't think what Roy is going to do will solve anything yet he goes and fights Dante to basically accomplish the same thing. You finally see that deep down they did always care about each other. When they say goodbye it is like the completion of both character arcs, at least for the series itself.

In COS they still follow the same path in that, yes, did they accomplish their goals? For sure, but now Roy -who succesfully killed Bradley - is demoted and exciled and miserable, and Edward -who got his brothers body restored - is alone and has absolutely nobody who understands him and is stuck that way for life.

This relates to my over feelings about Roy and his character arc because it adds to the depth of it. Their relationship is integral to it and would not be the same at all without it. I didnt talk much about Brotherhood because its been so long I don't want to mess up the facts on, but the one thing that plays into my opinion is that in BH Roy does get what he wants and I dont like that. Roy does not desevre that unfortunately and it is way boring because its like.....oh....ok? What a total shocker -_- VS Wow after ALL this, he fails even though we all think hes going to succeed at first. I also like how Edward is portrayed in 03 way better and all that ties into it to but that's another topic itself.

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

i really want to share this because i think i was so smart to come up with this and i dont think i'll be finishing karma is a bounty hunter anytime soon. here's the twist:

Elle would be speaking on the phone to Tash and Andrew, and she starts complaining about this Ristic dude who's been the one spearheading the campaign against her and Harlow.

Tash would be like hmm interesting. have you considered that it might actually be pronounced Ri-Stich, which is a common Serbian last name.

Elle pauses, then goes I'm such an idiot!! and goes on to explain that Ristic is Lil's maiden name but she's only ever heard it spoken, never seen it written anywhere. Then goes on to say that she's only ever met three serbian people not including Tash. Lil, Serena...And the guard outside Robert's room (Robert attempts to kill himself *actually a murder attempt) who won't let her in to visit him despite her being explicitly named as his POA. Andrew asks how she knows his last name, and Elle explains that she can't see his name tag because he's wearing a coat but that one of the other guards called him by it earlier.

Then, she delivers the big fuck off twist. She can only think of one person who would care about getting revenge on her and Robert...Lil's eldest son Luka Dokich. She's been trying to speak to him for an interview for years but she's been searching for the last name Dokich, it never occurred to her he would have changed it to anything else. Realizing that Robert is probably in danger, Elle, without any allies left (Paul disowned her in part one, Riley is still in Sydney, Nicolette and Leo turn their backs on her in part three when she reveals that she actually could have given David a kidney, however she had made a choice to save it in case Harlow might need it later, Harlow tells her that she'd kill herself to get away from her too after Robert's alleged suicide attempt etc. it's the dark before the dawn basically) runs out of her hospital room, and up to Roberts. Robert is not there, the door is open and there's a small trail of blood from a removed IV...And crushed jacaranda flowers going up the fire escape.

Jacaranda flowers were going to be a repeating image in the story. They appear in the first part only on Elle's computer (she has Beneath the Jacaranda as her wallpaper), but in part two they would show up when she meets with Riley in Sydney and they walk under them in a park. Then in part three they would have shown up again when Elle arrives back at Lassiters and she follows a trail of them to another hotel room where Luka is spying on her and Harlow from, and for a third time when she's pushed down some stairs by him she's got one in her hand. In part four they would have shown up in Elle's extended dream sequence that takes place in the Plane from the Plane crash, where outside the window they're like, raining on them, and again after her long talk with Helen in the second part of the dream sequence she begs to be allowed to see Cameron before she goes, Helen agrees and lets Elle out into the backyard where he's waiting for her under some jacaranda trees. Finally, in part five they show up twice. Once, on the way to the prison with Harlow to see Robert they pass a car that has crashed into a Jacaranda tree before receiving the call he's tried to take his own life (and Harlow is angry that Elle is his POA not her) and again to lead Elle up to the roof top where she begins her confrontation with Luka to determine if Robert is going to live or die.

Part of the reason I havent actually started writing this is that it's too daunting lol, and also I haven't done that much research into Luka's episodes so I'm not sure what his actual fate is/if he has a personality that would lead her. not that it matters I guess neighbours can make a baddie out of anyone. But anyway if you were curious about the ending of Karma is a Bounty Hunter, then. here you go!

[oflgtfol]

ok so for clarity im making this post in two parts because i had originally saved the original post as a draft but now something else has happened to complicate the situation but i feel like you still need to see the original post to know my feelings over time

[original post, drafted on august 29th:]

anyway i need a bit of a reality check on this like am i being weird and overthinking it or what

so my store has traditionally been all or almost all entirely women. the most we ever had was like 1, at most 2 guys working replenishment. we’ve had several long stretches where there was not a single male employee

my new SM is, well, a man. and we have many many problems with him for reasons that i wouldnt say are sexism but is mostly just that he’s a bad manager and the store is falling apart because of it and we’re bearing the brunt of it. especially weird dynamic because hes a 50 year old man and the entire rest of the store’s staff are all young women, at most mid 20s, and a sizeable number still literally in high school. our two full time managers, one in her mid 30s and the other in her 60s, have left for various reasons, which means that there is no sort of mediator to advocate for us anymore. its just this middle aged man overseeing a bunch of young women. add on how overbearing and bad he is as a manager in general and its like toxic lol

and so now hes finally started hiring for seasonal and its…. As far as i can tell, literally the only people calling the store saying they have interviews, have been guys.

and so i feel weird, and i feel weird thst i feel weird about it, that we’re now hiring like 5 men. but i also feel kinda justified in feeling weird because i almost feel like this is the SM pulling more weird shit. that he doesnt like this all female dynamic and is now trying to like, idk

IT FEELS WEIRD verbalizing it but hes a very condescending guy and the store is falling apart and so it almost feels like hes now giving up our current all female staff and trying to bring men in to fix it?? like he cant fire any of us women bc we’ve been here longer than him but now hes gonna bring in his own people for the first time and its all men? fundamentally changing the dynamic of the store that has been here for years longer than he’s even been with the company, and to further establish a disconnect between him and his young female staff ?????

am i overthinking it and reading condescension/superiority/whatever the word is into this. like i feel weird for being put off over hiring more than 1 dude per season but also this SM is backhanded like that so i really cant discount that there might be some weird vibes or motives behind this

[original post’s accompanying tags for the full picture:]

[new addition on september 3rd]

so now i just found out that this guy, who was literally the guy in the break room having his first day on august 29th, is being considered to be promoted to a manager

which is killing me because theres been all this talk among the managers for literally almost a year now about making me a manager and ive been indecisive because i dont know if i want to or not but ultimately its just been a “what if” situation to me because the actual SM hasnt said a word to me about it! he has never given me an offer. he has never even vaguely mentioned it to me. the only reason i know about it is bc im friends with the other managers and they tell me that hes been thinking about it for a while now

and my framing manager told me that this new guy was being considered as a new manager and i said “well. im actually kind of offended now that hes only been here for a week. meanwhile here i am” and she said “didnt SM give you an offer though?” and i told her that no the SM has not uttered a word to me about this and she was shocked

and its just. this kid has been here literally five fucking days? what the fuck? what the hell is going on. like yeah i am kind of offended actually. i still dont know if i would accept if given the offer but my indecision comes from whether i’d get an adequate raise and i cant come to a final decision without being able to negotiate my raise, which i cant do that if i havent been given the offer !!!! ive been here over two years i know pretty much everything in this store im cross trained on everything and everyone else in this store looks up to me as a non-manager superior and ive been told multiple times by the non-sm managers AND my non-manager coworkers that i should become a manager. meanwhile this guy has been here five days, ive interacted with him for two minutes, and of those moments i spent near him he barely spoke a word to me, and im sure he doesnt have the trust + camaraderie with my other coworkers yet as well, and yet SM wants him to become a manager like five days into him being hired ?!?!?

and again i dont know if i’d accept so thats why i feel kind of stupid for being offended but also like it’d still be nice to have offer ! especially compared to the guy who just started five days ago!!

[faggotmox]

Top 5 wrestlers any place and why?

top five RASSLERS || @perchtdont

nick gage (gcw). the why part of this is so long. like...how to explain things here. nicky is my favorite wrestler ever. i say with my whole chest that i do not think there is another (at least american) wrestler that has as strong a connection to their fans as nick gage does. for a lot of us being mdk, being in the gang, means something very real to us. it's a place we belong. when you look a guy in his eyes & tell him how his silly lil stabby glass breaky rasslin & gang saved your life & he genuinely responds back to you "i wouldn't be alive without you guys either" there's something truly special. nick gage has such a a special, genuine connection with his fans & he is truly a wrestler above most. i could talk a lot about this, i could really go into it, but i'll leave it here. nicky just is special. also he explicitly supports the queer community, & makes his gang & shows a safe space for us (like it's not just him at gcw doing this though).

jon moxley (aew, gcw). when i started watching wrestling it was during the kinda closing of the omega/mox feud. i hadn't really find the wrestler i connected with yet, i had a bunch i liked though. can't remember the first mox match but i do remember just very easily finding myself invested in mox. the exploding barbed wire deathmatch is the most significant match to me as a wrestling fan. everything he does is good, even the bad stuff. he doesn't exactly have what i say nick gage has but his genuine self really connects with people. also mox's love of deathmatches/hardcore is what lead me to discover that kind of wrestling which lead me to wanting to be that kind of wrestler. so mox gave me my dream & love for wrestling.

bryan danielson (aew, roh). i know everyone's like of course its cuz u think he's hot. FALSE. well, i do but everyone on my list is hot. i actually kinda hate having bryan on my top five list because it feels generic (sorry bry but you seemed too hyped to be that good) but kenny vs bryan seriously changed my definition of good wrestling. i used to not get technical wrestling (& i really wanted to bc it's nicky's favorite kinda wrestling) but bryan changed that. then i stumbled on bryan vs kenny vs tyler black which just...fucking slaps. bryan became one of my favorites before he was even stalking mox. i also like the man behind the wrestler a lot.

minoru suzuki (everywhere). this is the coolest motherfucker in pro wrestler. not only is he cool as fuck but the dude has just such a fucking understanding of wrestling. not just the moves & the holds & the whatever. no, suzuki gets pro wrestling. like seriously having read some of his shoot interviews & his in character ones, the guy has such a mind for it. the way suzuki brings legitimacy to the sport of pro wrestling is fucking amazing. not only that but suzuki works to use his credibility to legitimize others. effy v suzuki is a good example. it's still a fucking effy match but suzuki brings his vibe to it as well. the dude is who i look to when i want to understand something about pro wrestling that's maybe just not clicking. he also is very humble & just loves what he does. it shows. i just really respect & admire suzuki. ive been so fucking fortunate. i saw him 3 times in 2 days during which he earned his first US title (roh tv championship), & that's like...such a thing for me. like i start to cry thinking about it, it makes me so happy. his chops sound unearthly (like legit not of this earth) in real life.

eddie kingston (aew, chikara, deffy, njpw). i mean...like yall been on my blog. yall know how i feel about eddie. ive spent the last like day running my mouth about eddie which is fitting since all he does is run his mouth which is what i love about him. i could write an essay. but i'll break it down like this. the way he and mox are, the players tribune article, his love & influence from king's road, the genuine way he expresses himself, & his sense of style are why eddie is one of my all time greats.

[defectivehero]

Villain woke with a start, throwing the sheets off of the bed they were laying on.  They tried to sit up, but their limbs wouldn't work.  Their eyes shot around the hospital room they were in.  They had no idea why they were there. 

A loud knock at the door made them flinch, sitting up slowly.  The door creaked open ominously, and Villain watched in suspicion.  A lean figure was standing in the doorway.  They pushed the door aside and walked closer to them.  Villain blinked, squinting as the person walked closer.  Suddenly, as if a lightbulb just went off, they remembered.

Hero.  Their fight on the rooftop.  The bullet careening into their rib.  Hero's horrified face..

“How are you feeling?” Hero asked.  Villain looked up at them, and examined their face.  Hero had dark circles under their eyes, and looked like they were about to fall over.  Villain squinted at them, getting the feeling that this was some sort of trick.  Hero was looking at them expectantly.

“I’m fine,” they fibbed, not feeling like telling Hero the truth.  Hero raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing them.

“Hm,” Hero replied, eyebrows furrowed in contemplation.  “Stand up for me, then,” they dared them.  Villain groaned, trying to push themselves up.  They barely made it to a sitting position before their body gave out, and they fell back with a soft thud.  Hero grinned in satisfaction.  “That’s what I thought.”

“Shut up,” Villain groaned.  “Wait. Why are you here anyways?” they asked, looking over at Hero.  Hero seemed to be wearing doctor’s scrubs... were they a doctor?  Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Villain’s head.

“Did you operate on me?” Villain’s eyes widened, their hands flying across their body as they searched for any sort of wound, scar...

“Oh, stop that,” Hero chided them, sending a death glare at them.  “And yes, I did,” they muttered, fiddling with their hands.

“What’d you get from saving me, huh?” Villain pressed.  “A shiny plaque?  An interview with Heroes Weekly?”

“I got fired, actually,” Hero replied, voice devoid of emotion as they took off their gloves and threw them into the trash.  They then went to wash their hands, unaware of the mental breakdown Villain was having.

Villain’s thoughts were all over the place.  They watched Hero, not quite sure what to say and how to say it.  Hero noticed their confused expression and sighed, leaning against the countertop in the corner of the room and facing their hospital bed.

“Yeah. They were going to let you die. I was the only one willing to operate on you,” Hero replied, looking down at their shoes.  They bit their lip, and Villain had the fleeting urge to do something, anything to wipe the sad expression off their face. “I...” Villain’s eyes widened, suddenly noticing the blood coating Hero’s medical scrubs.  “Oh,” they finished smartly, laying back in the bed.  They wanted to take a very long nap.  Preferably for eternity.

“Yeah,” Hero’s shoulders shook, and they covered their face with their hand.  Villain watched them, guilt coursing through them.

“I’m sorry,” Villain blurted out.  Hero looked over at them in shock, evidently not expecting them to apologize.  An awkward silence filled the room, and Villain looked up at the ceiling with disinterest.  

“It’s okay,” Hero’s voice broke the silence.  “It’s my fault, anyways,” they mumbled, pushing off the countertop and walking over to the IV inserted in Villain's arm.  Villain sighed, nerves increasing as Hero got closer to them, inspecting their wound.  

“Well, I did a good job, at least,” Hero huffed, pulling up Villain’s shirt and nodding in satisfaction.  Villain sighed, and they stared at the heart monitor, willing their heart rate not to rise.  After an agonizing amount of time, Hero let go of their shirt and washed their hands again.

“Anyways, I advise you stay here and rest for a couple days,” Hero said, glancing around the room.  “I’ll get someone to watch over you.” they concluded, turning to walk out of the room. “Hero.”

Hero paused in the doorway, turning to look back at them.  Villain bit their lip and swallowed their pride.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Villain apologized, grimacing at the reluctant smile on Hero’s face.  

“It’s okay,” Hero replied.  “I’ll be fine- eventually.  I always am,” they finished, nodding at them and walking out the door.  Villain watched them go, a sick feeling churning in their stomach.  

[fruitcoops]

Hi!! So I was listening to paper rings by Taylor Swift today and the lyric 'I like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings' made me think of coops and o'knutzy. Could you write a prompt about this?! <3

This song is so perfect for Coops and it’s the best way to start of the long-awaited wedding series! Yay! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

Combined with:

1. Domestic Coops

2. Remus making fun of Sirius’ initials

3. Sirius trying to make Remus moan while he’s on the phone with his folks

4. From @colored-rain: Taking Hattie to the vet

TW for mild smutty content, taking a pet to the vet, and the inherent stress of wedding planning

I: Six Weeks Before the Wedding

“Where are we even going to do this?” Sirius asked, running a hand through his hair.

Remus shook his head silently, pressing his forehead into the wooden edge of the table. “What if we elope?”

“Celeste would skin us both.”

“True. Oh, god, my dad would cry if we did that.” Remus slid down in his seat and stared up with sad eyes. “Can’t we just be married already?”

“I could get tinfoil from the kitchen and just…” Sirius mimed wrapping it around his ring finger and Remus snorted.

“Baby, I would marry you with paper rings, but I think we want them to last.”

“You like shiny things!”

“I do, that doesn’t mean I want tinfoil on my hand for the rest of my life,” Remus laughed, pulling him in for a quick kiss. “Alright, let’s go through our list again. We agreed on small, right?”

“Just the team and families. We still want it to be outside?”

“Yep.” Remus checked off two boxes on the piece of paper they had been grappling with for the past four days. “Rings have already been ordered?”

“I’m doing that this afternoon. What kind of cake do we want?”

“Uhhh…an edible one?” Remus shrugged. “I don’t have a huge preference. Chocolate is really good but all the ones from the store are spongy.”

“Wow, an edible cake, so original,” Sirius teased. “We can ask Celeste what she thinks.”

“Good plan.” He paused for a moment. “Where outside will we do it? We need an actual venue. I think people would be upset if we just had a wedding in a public park.”

“The media would be all over it, too.” Sirius scrunched his nose up in thought just as their timer went off and both sighed as they headed for the door. “It’s going to be hard to focus on practice when we know next to nothing about the wedding we’ve been planning for over six months.”

“We’re disasters.”

II: Four Weeks Before the Wedding

“We’re not putting that on the cards.”

“Why not?” Sirius frowned and looked down at the mock-up invitation. “It’s our initials. It’s cute.”

Remus blinked at him. “Sirius. Your initials.”

“Do you not want my initials on our joint wedding invitation?”

“I would love to have your initials on our joint wedding invitation, except for the part where it’s the same acronym as ‘son of a bitch’.”

Sirius paused, then groaned and put his hands over his face. “Fuck, I forgot about that.”

“You forgot your own initials?”

“I forgot the son of a bitch thing!”

“Okay, I clearly don’t tease you enough for that,” Remus snickered, wrapping an arm around his waist to kiss his cheek. “Alright, attempt number eight is a bust.”

III: Three Weeks Before the Wedding

Sirius ran his fingers gently through Remus’ hair, feeling him shift in the darkness. “What’s on your mind, mon amour?”

“Are we changing our last names?”

“Did we…not discuss that?” Sirius wracked his brain, but it was so exhausted from wedding topics that he came up empty.

“I don’t think so.” Remus scooted around so he was on his side, facing Sirius. “Both our names are super connected to our jobs. Plus, Lupin-Black might be a little long for jerseys.”

“I’d rather not go through the whole name-change process.” There was a beat of quiet. “Though I do like the sound of Sirius Lupin.”

Remus’ breath audibly caught and he leaned closer to Sirius, nuzzling against his shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

IV: Eighteen Days Before the Wedding

Remus’ back hit the mattress with a soft bounce that was quickly stilled by Sirius’ weight pressing him down by the hips, his mouth skimming along all the right places on Remus’ neck. “Yes,” he hissed as Sirius ground down, their bare chests bumping together. He dipped his hands beneath the waistband of Sirius’ sweats and he shivered, nipping the hinge of his jaw.

“Wait,” Sirius gasped, pulling back to straddle Remus’ waist.

“What? Is this a flamingo moment?” Remus panted, still buzzing with arousal.

“Did we invite your parents to the wedding?”

Remus stared at him in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“I don’t think we did.”

“Sirius, you are literally about to—holy fuck, did we invite my parents?”

“I don’t know!”

Remus groaned and let his head fall back against the pillows before tapping Sirius’ hip and swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and dialed his mother’s number, taking a few deep breaths to collect himself as it rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, mom, how’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s going fine out here. How’s wedding planning?” Hope asked. Remus could hear her smiling.

“That’s what I’m calling about, actually. Did you—” He bit his lip as Sirius’ fingertips trailed up his thigh. “Uh, did you get an invitation?”

Hope was silent for a moment, save for a few rustling sounds. “Now that you mention it, I don’t think so. Lyall! Honey, did Re send us a wedding invitation?” There was a low humming noise as his father responded. “He says we didn’t get one.”

Remus winced. “Sorry about that. I can text you the details, if you want.”

“Will you mail one as well? I want to put it in our memory box.”

Sirius’ hand slid further along Remus’ leg, growing closer to his inner thigh by the second and doing nothing to quell his frayed nerves. “Yeah—yeah, mom, we totally can.”

“Are you alright? You sound a bit out of breath.”

“Hattie was running around and being a little crazy.” Remus covered the speaker with his hand and turned to glare at Sirius, who grinned and kissed his cheekbone.

“Okay,” Hope sounded skeptical. “So you’re not getting sick or anything?”

“Nope. Healthy as a horse.” The last word came out a little breathless as Sirius licked a stripe up his neck and bit down on the junction to his shoulder, making Remus’ eyes flutter closed. He smacked Sirius’ hand halfheartedly and felt him grin.

“How’s Sirius doing?”

“Fine, he’s fine. We’re a little stressed with the wedding planning and everything, but things are good here.” Really good, he thought as the heel of Sirius’ hand pressed down just next to his dick. He swallowed down a moan and squeezed his eyes shut. “Alright, I’ll text the details to you this afternoon love you mom bye.”

“Love you t—”

A millisecond after the call ended, Remus slammed his phone into the nightstand and pushed Sirius into the sheets, bracketing his face with his elbows. “What the fuck was that?”

“I’m just keeping things interesting.” Sirius tugged his lower lip between his teeth and smirked, which really left Remus with only one option: kissing him senseless until he couldn’t even remember his own name.

V: Three Days Before the Wedding

Sirius’ leg bounced up and down nervously and he gripped Remus’ hand as they waited in the lobby of the vet’s office. “She’ll be okay.” His voice was noticeably higher than usual and he cleared his throat. “She’ll be fine. It’s just a cough.” A cough that’s been going on for four and a half days.

Remus hummed his agreement, though he hadn’t stopped twisting Hattie’s leash in his hands since they arrived. “Just a cough. Probably a cold, or—or something like that.”

The doors ahead opened and both of them stood as Hattie trotted out next to the vet tech, who looked rather amused. “What’s wrong with her?” Sirius asked, scanning her for any signs of illness. “Is she alright?”

“She is a very talented actress,” the vet said, rubbing Hattie behind the ears. She whined pitifully and cuddled into Sirius’ side. “Have you two been busy lately?”

“We’re planning for our wedding.” Remus looked as confused as Sirius felt. “Why?”

“Because Miss Hattie here is one of the healthiest, snuggliest dogs I’ve ever seen.”

“But she was coughing.”

“She was faking.” The vet knelt next to her and petted down her back, raising an eyebrow. “Weren’t you, munchkin?”

“Hattie!” Sirius exclaimed, torn between relief and shock. “You little monster!”

Remus frowned and tapped her forehead lightly as he slid her leash on over her head. “We were so worried about you! Why would you do that?”

“She’s probably been sulking because you’re busy with wedding stuff,” the vet said with a smile. “Quite the drama queen you’ve got there.”

“Tell me about it,” Sirius huffed as he kissed her head. “Don’t ever do that again, young lady. You’re in big trouble when we get home.”

“Thank you for your help,” Remus said, shaking the vet’s hand. “We really appreciate it and we’re so sorry for wasting your time.”

“Are you kidding? She was the best part of my day,” he laughed. “All the other techs can’t stop talking about Hattie cuddles now. Have a good one, you three.”

+1: The Lions, the Media, and the Locker Room

Word spread like wildfire in media circles, and the rumor mill had never worked harder once news of the Black-Lupin wedding came out.

Naturally, the Lions decided to have a little fun with it.

“Pots! Pots, what can you tell us about Black and Lupin’s wedding?” Four different microphones were shoved into his personal space, but James put on his best confused face.

“What wedding?”

A wave of murmuring spread through the reporters. “So you weren’t invited to Sirius Black and Remus Lupin’s wedding?”

“There’s a wedding?”

Across the room, two other interviewers mobbed Thomas Walker in his stall. “Talker, do you know anything about Black and Lupin’s wedding?”

“Who?” he asked with a perfect act of innocence.

“Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.”

He bit his lip. “I don’t think I know them, sorry. Are they fans?”

“Talkie!” Remus tossed him a towel from the adjacent stall, and he caught it with a grin.

“Heads up, Loops!” Talker threw it right back and headed toward the ice baths with a wink to the cameras. “Good chat, guys.”

One of the interviewers muttered under their breath and hurried over to Pascal, who was still unlacing his skates. “Dumo, when is the wedding between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin?”

Dumo frowned. “Quoi?”

“The wedding. You were invited, yes?”

“Desole, je ne parle pas l’anglais,” he said regretfully. “C’est un…wedding?”

“Yes, the wedding between your teammates.”

“These words, I don’t know them.” His French accent was almost comically thick as he shook his head. “Desole.”

Out of view of the cameras, Sirius gave him a thumbs-up and reached over to high-five Pots.

[theevangelion]

Soulmates: Chapter IV

AN: Some parts are small. This is one of them. I’m finding it helps to keep the story moving fast-paced. The majority of updates are 1-1.5K words, or around 10-15 minutes of reading time.

One in the morning.

Kara tossed and turned just like she always did.

Her phone rang. She picked it up without thinking, half-assuming it was her sister. Kara was a few hours ahead. Alex would have been finishing her on-call shift and just seeing the onslaught of text messages. It made sense.  

“Mhm?” She rubbed bleary eyes.

“Tomorrow evening, seven o’clock.” Cat was nondescript. “Turns out John lost his life savings on the LexCorp IPO last year. It regrettably influenced his line of questioning. Well. To make a long story short, John has now lost his job too.” It was never a long story with Catherine Grant. “I smoothed things as much as they can be smoothed. She was understandably upset but Lena Luthor was quite clear that she would only redo the interview with you. Seven o‘clock, tomorrow evening.”

“Oh.” Kara blinked and sat up straight out of bed. “I…still have a job?”

“Better than a job, Kara, you now have two”—It didn’t go amiss on Kara that she had finally earned her name—“Assuming you’re interested and you do a good job tomorrow. You can expect more reporting assignments while John’s position is being filled. You have...the right amenable, Labrador-ish demeanour for fielding. It will be good experience for you. I imagine such assignments might even lend opportunities for those darling, fanciful social media updates that give some illusion of a very… Anna Delvey existence for your cowboy friends back home.”

“Miss Grant, thank you. I promise, I give you my word, I will not let you down.”

“Get some rest.” There was a softness in her voice, almost. “You should work from home tomorrow, Kara, it’s no small feat for a journalist’s first job to be an interview with Lena Luthor.”

“Wait.” Kara blinked. “I’m…asking her the questions?”

All of a sudden, Kara felt that warm sensation spread on the proximate part of her hip again, right where her birthmark sat on top.

“Kara, all you do is ask questions. It’s actually rather tedious. Please for both our sakes, figure a way to make it productive and mutually beneficial. I’m hanging up the phone now, goodbye.”

***

29 chapters of this story HERE, along with all 59 chapters of The Tying of Hands, additional chapters of Alpha Sub, and more delicious exclusive goodness with nearly 1000 Patreon posts to sink your labia into.

[llogllady99]

Au revoir

CHARACTERS |  Levi, Erwin, Hange, Mike, Nanaba, Petra, Kuchel

RELATIONSHIPS | Erwin x Levi, Mike x Nanaba, Petra x Hange

GENRE | Reincarnation, Smut, Romance

IV | Alternate Universe- Reincarnation. Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Romance, Smut, Angst and fluff and smut, French Levi, Student Levi, Writer Erwin, Light angst, Alternate Universe - Coffee shops.

Summary | “Puis-je vous aider ?” That voice, the familiar voice. It rang through his head and brought back memories of the man he had tried to find for so long. He lifted his gaze and was met with the sight of no one other than Levi freaking Ackerman, cleaning a cup, completely oblivious to him.“

Levi.” 

Erwin and Levi meet again in the modern world.Series

-

Levi will never admit to anyone that he thoroughly enjoyed reading romance novels. Yes, they were a bit too cheesy for his liking and maybe some of the passage were kind of forced, but the way they made his stomach drop and heart flutter was enough to keep him buying one novel after another. His first novel of such kind was: Madame Bovary, a book which he stole when his mother was away at work. At the green age of 12 Levi hid in the house’s library, right behind the couch and began absorbing the words hungrily, gaping and gasping in shock whenever Emma’s affair with Rodolphe or Leon would appear in the book. He didn’t necessarily enjoy the story as it was quite bland compared to the romcoms he and his mother would watch on Sundays, but was instead mesmerised by the rose scented perfume that lingered among the pages, a phenomenon which he didn’t encounter in other books because, as his mother told him later, Madame Bovary had been a vessel for Kuchel to deliver her love letters to the post office back when she was younger.

Coincidently, Levi was now holding the same book, enjoying it with a little more fervour and fascination as he himself, in his twenty-one years of life, had experienced some form or pretence of love at some point with maybe two or three of his lovers. Wetting his finger he turned the page and finished what was left of the chapter he was currently reading. He let the book down and stared out the window of the train he was embarked on in other to return to his childhood home: Marseille, France.

Levi remembered his past life. This life had treated him extremely kindly, almost as if the universe was apologising for the hell it put him through the last one. He was born and raised in the countryside, his childhood being characterised by stealing from vineyards, scraped knees, and dirty faces, a fun and ideal childhood. His mother, although having gone through a divorce when he was small, was now well and alive, indulging herself with a quality lifestyle and relaxing hobbies; his home forever full of jamon, quality wine, fresh sea food, and oil paintings in easels  adjourning his hilltop village house’s balcony crowded with red boungainvillea. He had met Hange and Petra in the same village at the sea on a hot summer’s day, introducing himself brusquely, startling the girls, who lacked even an inch of recognition for him in their eyes. Levi quickly realised that not everyone remembered their past life and as such he should keep quiet. Nonetheless, the three quickly became inseparable, their bond not destroyed but only slightly deterred when him and Hange left for university, leaving Petra back home alone. Levi had left to study architecture at the university of Sorbonne and Hange to England to study Medicine at the Imperial College of London, surprising both herself and her friends when she had only applied at the university on a whim not even half expecting to get accepted, but she was the smartest person he knew and if anyone deserved it then it would undoubtedly be her.

Apart from them, Levi had not encountered anyone else from his past life, and by anyone else he only meant Erwin, his blonde, tall, and handsome commander. It was a disappointment that after so much time he still hadn’t managed to meet him, one which left him with an enormous hole in his stomach that would only get bigger every time he allowed himself to think about his past lover. He eventually lost hope and stopped looking for him all together. He had not told Hange and Petra about him however, instead choosing to keep his existence and unsuccessful search all to himself. After all, it is simply expression that gives reality to things. Never mind the fact that he would sound batshit crazy, but if he would have opened his mouth and openly voice the fact that he had not found him yet, then there would have been chances of not meeting him at all. He was still clinging to a thin thread of hope that Erwin will keep his promise of them reuniting again eventually.

At once, the train pulled in Marseille’s train station with a deafening horn, its locomotive letting out clouds of white vapour that swirled fast up in the azure sky, and announced its passengers that they have reached their destination. Levi stepped on the platform, and dragging his black suitcase behind him, he inhaled the fresh country air as a warm feeling came over him. He had arrived home.

-

On the other side of the globe, free lance writer Erwin Smith was packing his suitcase hurriedly, throwing clothes chaotically in his suitcase. He was terribly late for his flight.

Summer always turned unbearably hot in Miami, the dry heat and the omnipresent smell of sweat managing to deeply irritate Erwin. That had been his initial plan for the summer: change shirt after shirt as he walked the road from his apartment, a small 2 bedroom space that lacked air conditioners and that would turn into a literal oven during the hotter months of the year, and his publisher. Therefore, when Mike and Nanaba invited him to celebrate together their anniversary in Marseille, France, he didn’t hesitate to agree, he actually did with so much desperation that he worried even himself. He had quickly called his publisher making up some shitty excuse to extend his deadline, spattering something about how the sweet mediterranean breeze will to wonders to his inspiration. He lied, and quite horribly so, he had finished the chapter he was due but hadn’t edited it yet, a chore which he assigned himself for when he would return. Quickly closing his suitcase and praying that he didn’t leave everything behind, he ran out the apartment and waved his arm frantically in the direction of a cab that happened to be passing by.

Erwin also happened remembered his past life, something he cursed and treasured at the same time. He treasured the memory of Levi but cursed whenever he would wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat screaming as he felt the phantom pain from when he lost him arm, something that had somehow followed him into this life also. Just like Levi, Erwin also learned that not everyone remembered their past life. His first such experience had been when he woke up screaming when he was small due to a very unpleasant memory, one filled with titans, blood and the death of his comrades. His father had come to comfort him but dismissed everything as just a nightmare that sprouted from Erwin’s wild imagination. At the age of 16 he started writing everything he remembered before being reincarnated and then at the age of 24 after graduating from university he published a book retelling his story. Society, just like his father, quickly dismissed it under the false and shallow pretension of fiction. Erwin didn’t mind, and at an interview when he was asked what had inspired him to write such a masterpiece, he simple answered: “It’s as if I’ve lived this life before”. In retrospect, a bold statement, but one that had triggered incredulous looks and nervous laughs. It didn’t matter, as long as he was the one that knew the truth.

At the airport, he was met with a very angry Nanaba, that proceeded to punch him in the shoulder as soon as she spotted him coming through the automatic sliding doors, dressed with cargo short pants, white t-shirt and one of those hawaiian shirts, espadrilles not missing from completing his outfit. He apologised and shook Mike’s hand, that came up from Nanaba, trying to calm his petite lover from ending Erwin’s life then and there. His friends, like everyone else he had become acquainted with in this life, did not remember their past lives. They had met in college when he tried to hit on Nanaba and earned himself a punch from Mike, who apologised shortly after and bought him a drink.

“You are well aware we’re going to France, right?” Mike eyed his outfit, and scrunched his nose in something close but not quite to disgust.

“The eccentric writer facade ain’t holding up anymore, you seriously need to change outfits.” Nanaba also joined in.

“I was up writing, thence the messy outfit. I do actually have fancy clothes packed.” Erwin retorted, trying to save himself from their scrutinising gazes.

“Good, because I want to enjoy some of those pretentious wines they’re so famous from at one of those expensive terraces that overlook the sea without wanting to crawl under the table from being seen with a hobo like you. Now come on, plane’s not waiting for anyone.” Nanaba flipped him off, her way of reprimanding him.

“Au revoir America, bien venue France!” Erwin exclaimed, mixing french with english.

“How much did it take to learn those?” Mike asked, amused.

“Only 3 thorough Duolingo lessons, of course.”

-

Levi pushed the door of the little vintage cafe open and was immediately met with the sight of Hange engaging in quite a heated make-out session with Petra. His arrival at home yesterday was met with nothing more than pure joy, as he was bombarded by his mother’s kisses as soon as he walked into the house. They spent a quiet evening on the balcony, enjoying some tea and simply talking the evening away. It felt good to return, he missed the salted air, the chilly breeze, the pink flowers and green bushes, and the exquisite view of the mediterranean sea. Later, when the mosquitoes had started to annoy them, Levi and Kuchel retired back inside the living room, where he was urged by her to play her favourite piece on the piano that had dust on it from never being used anymore. Upon the arrival of the next day, Levi headed to Petra’s cafe, a small vintage shop, which she had opened up quite recently after successfully raising the funds necessary. It was right in the middle of the hill, its glass windows giving a clear view of the stony road and orange coloured walls and roads of the city.

“You guys should get a room, it’s gross.” He said, not one bit of disgust lacing his words. He truly was happy to see his friends again.

“Levi!!!!!” Hange squealed and broke away from Petra, practically jumping over the counter before she threw herself in his arms, hugging him tightly. Petra’s behaviour was hardly any different, surging on the other two and tumbling all three of them down to the floor. They stayed like that for a few minutes until the first customer of the day arrived with an awkward cough to get their attention. For the rest of the day, they chatted quietly, each with a cup of special Petra coffee in their hands, reminiscing about old childhood memories and the things they did while they were apart. Hange had successfully landed an internship at a renowned research company back in London and Petra bought her first place, somewhere they would surely go after she closed the cafe.

“So how’s it going for you Levi? You seeing anyone?” Hange interrupted a peaceful silence then took another sip of her coffee, eyeing him curiously.

“Well, no not really. I guess I’m still waiting for the right person.” Levi replied, his mind drifting off involuntarily to Erwin.

“That’s a pity, tell him Petra!”

“I guess so.” The strawberry blonde sighed, scrubbing the counter. She looked troubled, stressed if Levi knew any better.

“Everything all right?” He asked, hoping she would tell him what was bothering her.

“Theoretically yes, the cafe’s been growing in popularity and the number of costumers has increased exponentially and it has become harder and harder for me to keep up. It’s afternoon and I’m already exhausted.”

“Hire someone to help you.” He offered.

“I would have, I even put up a sign a while ago asking for help, but it’s summer and you know how it is. Everyone would rather bathe than work.” Petra leaned on the counter, huffing exhausted.

“You know, Hange and I could help you if you’d like, until the summer’s end and till you find someone.” Levi scooted over closer to Petra and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Sure! There is nothing we’d rather do, Pet.” Hange joined in, assuring her girlfriend.

“You guys, thank you.” Petra smiled brightly, exhaling in relief.

-

Their first day in Marseille had been spent at the beach until they were all fried. Well, Erwin had managed to get a nice tan, save for the red slight burns on his shoulders, those didn’t count. Nanaba had made sure to use sunscreen, but with her pale skin tone, she had turned into a lobster by mid afternoon. Deciding that it was enough sun for today, the three settled on exploring the city, in particular the ports, where smell of fresh caught fish would imbue their noses, the hill village, the sights recommended on the internet, like the colourful Noailles Market, Musée des Civilisatons de l’Europe et de la Méditerranée, and following a maniacal Nanaba that sprinted through every shop in La Panier.

As six o’clock came by, hunger made its presence known in their stomachs, they started searching for a restaurant. With an immense amount of luck and without too much time spent looking, the three had found themselves in Restaurant Peron, escorted to a four persons table right next to the clear glass that provided them with an extraordinary view of the sea, admiring the calm relentless waves and snow white moon that reflected itself on the clear water. When the waiter came, Erwin ordered, putting on his best french accent.

“Un Ricard, s’il vous plait.” He managed to make a fool out of himself, sounding exactly like an ignorant American. Un Ricard was an alcoholic beverage made with aniseed and spice that turns an enticing shade of yellow once water is added, a local must try. Nanaba ordered herself an Aperol sprits and Mike a whiskey on the rocks. The waiter bowed and went to get their drinks. While they waited the three engaged in casual conversation, their voices accompanied by the low murmur of the sea and other people’s conversation.

“I believe this has been quite a successful weekend, don’t you think, honey?” Nanaba asked Mike, leaning her face on her hands.

“Indeed. Happy 5th Anniversary, Nanaba!” Mike kissed her cheek tenderly. Erwin watched the display with nothing more than pure envy. It wasn’t fair that they had found each other despite not knowing their past life, it was utterly infuriating and it made Erwin seethe with anger and frustration, both emotions directed more at himself because he had not found him yet, Levi, his lover, his everything.

“Excuse me, monsieur. I brought the drinks.” The waiter interrupted them, making Erwin forever grateful as he was not sure how much more he could bare. He bowed and retrated, leaving them to enjoy their drinks. The Ricard Pastis Erwin had ordered had a creamy texture and yellow colour, bringing the glass to his lips, he tasted it, immediately scrunching up his nose from how strong it was. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to it, god knows his college years hard served for so much, so many nights spent drowning vodka and absinth bottles, he just hadn’t expected it to be so strong, he thought it would be like Nanaba’s Aperol, slightly bitter and sweet. Mike was sipping slowly on his whiskey and asked:

“Any plans for tomorrow?”

“How about we stick to just visiting the town, my skin can’t take any more sun.” Nanaba proposed, hinting to her burnt shoulders that were covered with a very nice white blouse. Mike and Erwin both agreed.

-

Levi fumbled with the speakers’ wire trying to get them to connect with his phone. It was his first shift today together with Petra, Hange will come later tonight to take his place, something completely unnecessary as he would stay anyway. It was his turn to choose the playlist and he resorted to a simple jazz playlist that would blend in nicely in the background acting as white noise. Once that was settled, he wrapped around himself the black apron with the shop’s logo on it and went up to the counter, patiently waiting for the first costumer.

-

Their second day in Marseille was spent indulging in even more sightseeing. Nanaba woke them up at the crack of dawn, excited and completely oblivious to Mike’s and Erwin’s sower moods, dragging them with her to their first destination: Basilique Notre-Dame de la Garde. Located in a breathtaking hilltop, this spectacular church is the most important landmark in Marseilles. The site was used in ancient times as an observation point, and during the Middle Ages, was the location of a pilgrimage chapel. Erwin enjoyed the renaissance architecture, admiring the big hemispherical dome with a big golden cross on top of it, the golden statuette of what he reckoned was Virgin Mary, the symmetrical high arches, and smaller, little angel statues. It was truly a sight to behold. Their next destination was also a historical landmark: Abbaye Saint-Victor, a house of worship once belonged to an abbey founded in the 5th century. The abbey's basilica is one of the oldest buildings in Marseilles that is still intact, with foundations dating back to Early Christian and Carolingian times. With its crenellated walls and towers, the foreboding exterior has the feel of a medieval fortress. Inside, the basilica reveals a simple and somber design, which gives it a special aura. The crypt houses sarcophagi of the 4th and 5th centuries, as well as the 11th-century tombstone of Abbot Isarnus. It fascinated Erwin immensely, so much so that he filled his gallery with the amount of selfies and normal pictures he took.

He lied when he said he would find his inspiration here, but he was not so sure that it was true. The city’s architecture and overall way of being, from the local’s lifestyle, to its history and vibe, Erwin was sure to use all of this while working on his new book. Wether he would add a spin off in the book, or make references and parallels to everything he saw here.

It was now mid-afternoon and Erwin was exhausted, the sun constantly warming his head had not done a great job of comforting him in the slightest. They were now in Le Panier again, Nanaba having decided that she did not see all of it the day before and that it was absolutely mandatory they go again. Not wanting to be a burden, although he would have much rather gone to his room, Erwin agreed and set on following closely the two before him who were very much engrossed in their own little world. The old town, like any other part of Marseille they had visited, was also magnificent, with its romanesque architecture, houses that were colourful and joined together, and paved streets. It also housed a lot of shade, making him able to cool down and gather up whatever strength he had left.

The thirst he had tried to ignore for the better part of the day had become unbearable, his throat dry like a desert. As such, Erwin made it his mission to find some place from where he could purchase a water bottle. They passed by jewellery stores and artisan themed shops, displaying their handmade products, like dresses with weird designs from cottons, crystals, wooden scultpures, etc. Finally, in a corner, they had found a small cafe: Haricots vapeur de Petra. Quite a long name for a cafe but who was he to judge. He asked Nanaba and Mike if they wanted to join him but they quickly refused, instead choosing to go ahead. Erwin announced them that they will be seeing each other at the hotel before dinner. That way he could spare a few hours relaxing at the small tables placed outside the cafe, enjoying whatever drinks they were serving. He pushed the front door open and was immediately assaulted by the scent of fresh brewed coffee. The cafe was very nice, inside was quite chilly as there was the air conditioner blowing. Its walls were made of brick, from them hanging several plants, portraits, and drawings of people having coffee and the like. It had small circular tables with purple plush chairs that contrasted perfect to the black counter that housed pastries of all kinds: croissants (of course), pains au chocolate, cinnamon rolls, and macarons of all kinds of colours. It was just like an ordinary American cafe.

“Puis-je vous aider ?” That voice, the familiar voice. It rang through his head and brought back memories of the man he had tried to find for so long. He lifted his gaze and was met with the sight of no one other than Levi freaking Ackerman, cleaning a cup, completely oblivious to him.

“Levi."

-

“Levi.”

That voice. It couldn’t be could it? Levi refused to look up, he was imagining things, it was because of the song, the song he played the man a life time ago. We’ll meet again was playing through the cafe’s speakers, it was only natural he would be thinking back to when he visited Erwin’s grave one last time. With his hands now shaking he continued to clean the glass even more frantically, wiping away inexistent water, droplets he imagined were still there.

“Levi, is that you?” Once would be considered a coincidence, but twice? Finally, the raven haired boy looked up, only to have his breath stuck in his throat. Right in front of him was Erwin freaking Smith, the man he loves even to this day, the time spent together and the promises still so fresh in his mind. Erwin had kept his promise, he found Levi.

“Erwin.” Levi croaked, overwhelmed by emotions. He ran around the counter, stopping for a moment in front of his lover to look at him again. Erwin was exactly the same, except for an almost unnoticeable tan, his hair was now sitting comfortably on his forehead, instead of being styled back with gel. Levi jumped into his arms, wrapping his legs around the other's waist so tight, afraid to let go as he might disappear, proving only to be a figment of his imagination. He buried his face into Erwin's neck, inhaling the scent of cologne, sweat, and sunscreen. His lover snaked his hands around his waist and held him tightly, in the same desperate manner. Pulling away, Levi looked into his eyes again, relieved to see the same warm sapphire blue orbs staring right back at him. They were whole again, together again. Unable to hide his excitement anymore, the raven brought their lips together in a kiss, one in which they poured all of their emotions, the longing, love, and relief they had for one another were all present.

“Tu m’as trouvé!” Levi pulled back, out of breath.

“English please.” Erwin chuckled, running a hand through his hair, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his year before putting him down. Levi looked at him in confusion. If Erwin didn’t know french then that meant…

“We should perhaps talk. Wait here for a moment please.” He told him, pulling his hand away from where it was intertwined with the other’s. Taking a step back, he began untying his apron, then turned on his feet to head to the back where Petra was, baking pastries probably.

“Petra, can you cover for me? Something came up. Hange should be here soon, I hope you don’t mind.” At the sound of his voice, Petra turned around just as she was leaning down to grab the tray with freshly baked pastries from the oven. She searched his face, noticing the look of bewilderment, and made to grab his arm in comfort. Levi pulled away.

“I’ll tell you later, but please let me go!” Levi all but begged, making Petra shake her head with wide eyes as she still didn’t understand what was going on.

“Call me if anything happens.” She demanded. Levi thanked her then bolted out back to the front of the cafe where Erwin was waiting awkwardly in the door, never actually having left the spot. As soon as the blonde spotted him, he offered the other the usual warm smile.

“Why don’t you speak french, Erwin.” Levi asked him and gestured for the other to follow him out the cafe. Once outside they started walking on the direction of Levi’s house, unbeknownst yet to Erwin.

“I’m actually a tourist.” Erwin murmured, understanding finally the graveness of their situation.

“Where are you from then?” Levi croaked, his disappointment taking the best of him.

“USA, came here on vacation with some friends.”

“Américain.” Levi spat, his frustration finally showing. “How are we going to make it work Erwin?”

“I don’t know Levi, I believe that’s a problem for another time. I’m here for another week, let’s enjoy ourselves shall we?” Erwin took his hand and kissed it in an assuring manner, smiling again.

“Okay.”

And enjoy themselves they did. Making sure that Kuchel was out, Levi brought Erwin to his house, taking him through every room while he talked about his childhood, his vocabulary limited because his english wasn’t very good. Fortunately, Erwin was patient and didn’t push him, instead helped him by filling in the gaps with google translate or by using his own words when he understood the direction the story was headed in. At some point, they stumbled upon the piano and the blonde urged him to play it, Levi complying not only by second nature, thinking involuntarily to their time on their battlefield, but also by desire, pouring his heart and soul into each and every key he pressed, eliciting sounds that would later formed the master piece named Canon in D major. Erwin listened intently, absorbing every sound Levi produced, his gaze focused solely and completely on him. His lover playing the piano was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. The onyx black hair hung loosely in the air as Levi played, his brows furrowing in concentration, and shoulders tensing when he lifted each hand over the keyboard.

As the song came to an end, unable to hold himself back anymore, Erwin scooped Levi up in his arms and brought him to the couch, the other straddling his waist. It was all too much, the smell of Levi, the feel of Levi, the smooth alabaster skin, silky hair, minty breath, and citrus smelling musk. Levi, Levi, Levi. Erwin brought their lips together in a heated kiss, introducing his tongue shortly after, probing the entrance then entering fully. For a while, that was all they did. They kissed like teenagers, running their hands through each other’s bodies, remapping and rediscovering them. Slowly, Levi became more demanding and started to undo Erwin’s shirt, pulling it down his shoulders and caressed his hand over his chest, playing with the curly strands of blond hair that lined it, although scarce. He then kissed his neck and clavicle. All the while, Erwin had been undressing Levi, his fingers now at his entrance, working slowly but steadily their way in. In his arms, the raven writhed, low moans filling the room.

Done with the stretching, Erwin positioned himself at the other’s entrance, entering him slowly as to not hurt him. Once he was fully seated, he waited for Levi’s signal to move, a slow nod in the pit of his neck shortly after. Their rhythm was slow at first, an occasion to feel each other out, but as their moans got louder in volume, the pace, inevitably increased, turning the love making session into something more rushed and more carnal. They had all week ahead of them, they had plenty of time for slow and passionate love later. After a few more minutes each of them reached their climax, Levi first by tensing all of the sudden, his mouth open in a silent scream, then Erwin shortly after with a low groan. The smaller of the two slumped his forehead against the other’s chest and tried to recover, his panting waning.

“I love you.” Erwin brought his lover’s head up and looked him straight in the eye. Levi replied with a lop-sided me too before retaking his position in the crook of his neck, where he shortly passed out, the physical and emotional effort from the day finally taking their toll on his petite frame.

For the rest of the week, Levi showed Erwin the rest of Marseille, taking him sailing with Petra and Hange, snorkelling in the turquoise water, dining in other less famous restaurants that harboured a magnificent view nonetheless, and hiking. Levi also got to meet Nanaba and Mike, a meeting that was awkward at first but then turned casual as the chemistry they had in their past life never had quite gone away. It was now their last day, and they both chose to organise a brunch on a boat Erwin offered to rent. It had started out great, the interactions between the rest of the group going smoothly, but as night inched closer, Levi grew significantly more and more upset. The reason, revealed to him that night when they were alone, tucked in bed together, was none other than Erwin’s departure. It was time to say goodbye, their short week of heaven brought to an end by force of circumstance, a tragic end to an equally beautiful story. A soulmate who was not meant to be, at least not in this lifetime. They could try a long distance relationship, but that was inconvenient for both of them, they would soon fall apart, each having to take care of their lives. Levi had to work towards a degree and Erwin towards finishing a new book.

“Don’t go.” Levi suddenly croaked, turning towards him and taking his hands, kissing each of their knuckles. “I don’t want you leaving me again.”

Erwin turned his head away in thought. He was a writer, he could basically work from anywhere. In Paris he was sure to find a good publisher, working while also living with Levi in his apartment. If he put in a little effort he might manage it. But what about Nanaba and Mike? Would they understand? Would they still maintain their bond? Is he willing to give everything up for Levi? Erwin furrowed his brows, concentrating and thinking even more. Of course, he would go to the end of the earth for Levi, would rip his heart out of his chest and give it to him. Therefore, he voiced the only obvious answer for his lover’s request:

“I’ll stay.”

-

At the airport the next day Erwin hugged Levi and kissed him on the cheek, bidding his goodbye to his lover. After accepting to stay, they both decided that it would be best for Erwin to return to the states to get his affairs into order and when he would be finished he would return back to France and start his new life with Levi. So, with a waving hand, Erwin fell into step with Nanaba and Mike, who were waiting in line to board the plane. Levi smiled his way and said:

“Au revoir, Erwin Smith.”