#ivan the terrible part two

[wendydoodles]

Your tears can save him...//...will you be the death of me?

[malachitezmeyka]

Ah yes, Magnificent Century, or as I like to call it – “Why the fuck are the most likely Ukrainian girl and the Crimean Tatar woman speaking Russian to each other, what were the writers smoking???”

[sakuraluck]

this moment will never fail to make me feral bc he gave up!!! till, the boy who rebels even when all it does is get him hurt, the one who burns as brightly as the stars in the sky, the flame that lasted for almost two decades finally gave up!!! he snuffed out!! he closed him eyes and stopped fighting!! do you understand how devastating that is??

especially to ivan who idolizes and adores him for it?? who has only ever known till for his never-ending love and will that never falters? to see the man he loves broken down like this—a hurt that extends far beyond that of the physical body but to his soul— must’ve been terrible

and you can see it

ivan’s crumpling too. his mental state is on the verge of snapping too. his shoulders are dropped and his eyes are bloodshot.

till’s given up and ivan can see it and as his hands tighten around the other’s neck, a voice whispers what if you don’t let go?

because that’s what till wants right? he isn’t going to win against luka like this. he wants to die and no matter what ivan does, it’s not going to change that. so why not kill him?

that way they can die together.

wouldn’t that be wonderful?

ivan has always had a great potential for darkness and he holds it back most of the time, rarely ever letting it come to the surface. it wouldn’t be far off to assume this was one of those moments, where emotions are high and last minute regrets and wishes are surging forth—it isn’t far off to think there was a small part of him that was seriously contemplating throwing away his decision to sacrifice himself alone.

but then he gets shot in the chest, through the lungs, and the pain snaps him out of it. because this is it. this is the end. and he remembers why he’s doing this.

he remembers his desire to save till despite how foolish as it may be, how hypocritical it may be. the light reappears in his eyes and it’s ivan in love again. it’s ivan swelling with pure love, looking at till for last time.

it’s ivan doing the one thing he’s never been able to do:

it’s ivan letting go

[blacksorrow-untiltheend]

oh.

Ok.

Hi guys.

My friend and I were on call, and we were rewatching Alien Stage together.

Normal stuff, right?

But then she points out something. Something that I did NOT notice before. Like, at all.

Tw for mentions of SA and abuse

ok. There’s one scene— the scene in Cure, where Till finds out Mizi is missing. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll miss it.

In this part, Till’s already being treated horribly— which, isn’t it normal in a fucked up world where Aliens only see humans as pets, and make them compete for their lives in a singing competition?

In the part after this, His head literally gets shoved down— that’s already a lot of abuse. And, like I mentioned earlier, the aliens only see humans as pets, so isn’t this “normal”?

There’s a frame for maybe two seconds, but you could easily miss it if you blink.

It disgusts me— yeah, the reason this is happening is because he fought back, but the way they’re manhandling him? It’s horrible. And something tells me this isn’t even the first time, depending on how his whole trait is being rebellious? Yeah, he’s definitely gone through this before. and that’s horrible.

This part kinda makes me cry. The alien— for one, has partially no clothes on, besides its jacket. Till looks famished, he looks so tired, it’s so upsetting. Using these two things, we can assume they’ve done something to Till. And based on the hallucination of Mizi, it’s not impossible that he might’ve been drugged. (Less likely, but still.)

This part is me speaking from experience—

The way the Alien pets Till’s hair, as if to “comfort” him, is something a lot of Sexual assaulters do to their victims.

Here’s a reminder; a sexual assaulter can be ANYONE. Friend, family, “trusted” adult, anyone. And they will make the victim feel like it’s their fault. After they’ve done those terrible things to their victims, they won’t always leave them alone. They might treat the victim like a partner would after sexual intercourse— kindly, comfortingly, doing actions that would soothe their partner. They’ll make the victim think that it’s okay, and it wasn’t a big deal.

This is what’s happening to Till. There’s a possibility that he thinks it’s fine, despite being so tired and hurt, because it’s higher ups, it’s his master, or something else. This isn’t quite confirmed but, in my own experience, SA victims can become hostile, and will run or fight if someone tries to touch them. And till? Well, he’s hostile, and he runs away a lot. Right?

And god knows if the others have gone through this too. My goodness.

When Ivan goes to free Till, he’s passed out. They left him there.

That’s what happens with sa victims sometimes.

The assaulter treats the victim so nicely, and then leaves. Because they always leave, eventually. They leave the victim alone, feeling disgusted by themself

I love the way vivinos handled this. Not straight out saying, “oh Till got SA’d”, or something. They showed it, but in a way that not only is it not being sexualized, but it’s also painting a picture of the fact that sexual assault is anything, and it can happen to anyone. It’s a common shit idea misconception for a group of people that “females are the only ones who can get assaulted!” When that’s obviously not the case. Is Till a female? No. Did he go through that? Yes.

Tl;dr — Vivinos is awesome when it comes to handling topics that are big and relevant. And Till deserves a better life

Also, I didn’t give a good explanation, so please go and read other ones that are better.

And if you’re an SA victim, just know; you are not alone.

[kasagia]

❄️️Warm my heart pt. 8 (end)❄️️

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/ The Darkling x fem! heartrender! reader Summary: Winter Fiesta at Christmas? Great idea. After all, there is no better opportunity to end the drama that has been going on between you and the general than at a huge ball thrown by Lantsov. Word Count: 3,6k Taglist:@aoi-targaryen @budugu @flostvs1508 @chelseyyouraverageluigi ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova’s Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 7 ~•♤♤♤•~

You liked Christmas, but the winter fete that preceded it was a terrible event.

Especially since this year you weren't leaving to visit your brother right away, and in the next few hours you were going to find out whether the man you gave your heart to was really an immortal, power-hungry monster who would stop at nothing to achieve his goal.

In hindsight, you would probably prefer to endure the snark and rudeness of your grandparents and your siblings.

You took a shaky breath as you walked out of the Little Palace. At the exit, you met Fedyor and Ivan, who reconciled after Ivan promised to meet his family. The bastard knew it would be impossible this year, so he agreed, but as long as Fedyor is happy about it, then you are too.

Fedor's worse half separates from you as they reach the great hall of the king's palace.

You and Fedyor blend in with the crowd of other Grisha. You manage to grab a glass of champagne and sip it while watching the people around you. You unconsciously look at Alina, which Fedyor immediately notices.

"Are you waiting for the big show?" he asks, referring to the little show of power Alina and Aleksander were about to do.

Luckily, you missed out on being a circus monkey at the party this year (you suspect Aleksander didn't want to anger you more), so all you had to do was try to get through the last few hours as pain-free as possible.

"I can't wait." you say sarcastically, grabbing something sweet from the snack table. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice your friend smirking. "What is it? What did you do?"

"I? Nothing at all," he lies, leaning on the table and grabbing something to eat.

"I know you too well for you to lie to me. I've seen this conspiratorial smile more than once. What's going on?" you ask, looking at him carefully and expectantly.

Before you can push him further to speak, Genya joins you, saving the man from your further investigation. She shows you some Inferni tricks. When you look away, they both exchange knowing glances, and Fedyor silently thanks her for saving him.

"You look pretty." Genya comments, turning to you as the three of you eat the sweets. Take advantage of the opportunity while you can. In the Little Palace, you rarely ate anything other than those nasty herrings. "I like your earrings. Moonstone, right?"

"David made them for me. Initially, they were supposed to be… something else, but he had enough material to make me earrings as well."

"Yes, he is very talented. And what was most of it he spent on making?" she asks curiously as you three walk to a more distant part of the room where there are much fewer people.

"A ring."

"A ring? I don't see any on your finger."

"It wasn't supposed to be for me. Christmas gift." you explain vaguely.

The ring was supposed to be for Aleksander... no proposal or anything else. He recently lost his ring, so you asked David to make him a new one, practically the same as his old one but with a piece of moonstone inside.

"Oh, I see. You know, David told me that the moonstone has… a very special meaning," she says teasingly.

"Really? And how often do the two of you talk like that?" you ask just as teasingly, and she blushes too.

You both laugh, and only now do you notice that Fedyor has also disappeared somewhere, leaving you and Genya alone.

"May I ask who that special gift is?"

"I... I haven't decided yet." you tell her what is actually true.

This evening was to decide everything. That evening, Aleksander was to put his plan into action. If he really decided to use Alina in his plans... you had a backup plan ready. Which you hoped you wouldn't have to use.

You notice Aleksander as soon as he enters the room.

And you are speechless at the sight of him.

At the sight of his black kefta embroidered with red threads.

He gives you a short, meaningful look and goes to greet the royal family. You turn immediately towards Genya with a questioning look, and she simply shrugs.

"He wanted a matching kefta." she explains, but she frowns at your growing excitement. "But I want you to be careful. He's… a powerful man. Even if you tamed him a little."

You are going to deny her words, defend him, and say that he is not as bad as everyone makes him out to be, but you are speechless for the second time when soon after Alina enters the room in a black kefta with gold embroidery.

You shake your head, laughing bitterly.

"Apparently not." you say, staring at Alin with envy. The bitter bile of jealousy and hurt wells up inside you as you try to focus on your anger rather than the tears welling up in your eyes.

Genya stares at her as surprised as you, searching for someone in the crowd.

"I don't understand… after all…"

"Don't worry, I understand." you say firmly and coldly, making the redhead shiver. You ignore her, staring at Alina as she approaches Aleksander from behind, surprising him when she smiles sweetly at him. "And I'm not going to be part of this fucking threesome."

You leave Genya alone before she can say anything. You don't stay for the Alina and General show. You just walk out, pushing your way through the crowd and finding the back exit where the fewest guards are patrolling. All you wanted was to disappear into the shadows.

Aleksander looked for you frantically after Alina approached him. But he doesn't see you anywhere. You left Genya alone, and he wasn't able to spot you in the crowd.

He did his little show with the Sun Summoner and left her with her friends. He moved quickly towards the exit, catching Genya's gaze. The woman immediately followed him. They both left the room and went into the corridor, where Fedyor was already waiting for them.

"What happened there?" he asks them furiously. "Who gave her that damn kefta? That wasn't the plan."

"Um… David saw Baghra leaving the Grand Palace."

Aleksander frowns in anger at Fedyor's words. He clenches his fists and takes a few breaths to calm himself down. His mother always had to destroy everything that was good. He should've predicted it.

"And where is she now?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"Baghra?" Fedyor asks hesitantly as Genya gently moves towards him.

"Y/N!!" they both tremble when they hear him shouting. Shadows circle him, giving him an even more ominous look. He sighs when he sees the fear in their eyes, and with a wave of his hand, everything returns to normal. “I meant Y/N.” he says more calmly, slightly embarrassed by his sudden outburst.

"We do not know. David followed her, but she vanished from his sight."

"Vanished?" Fedyor nods. Aleksander immediately thinks of his mother. Only she and he knew the exact location of the hidden corridors in the Grand and Little Palace. She had to take you. Convince you finally that he is a monster. "I want our men at every exit gate around the castle, at every exit and entrance, and at the sewers that lead from here. As soon as you see her, you are to capture her and alert the rest."

"Baghra or Y/N?"

"Both!" he says angrily, walking towards the exit of the palace. "And you two are to guard the Sun Summoner. I don't want her to disappear too."

He doesn't go far before Ivan catches up with him with the news that there was an attack on Alina. He freezes in his steps. It cannot be split.

He can either look for you or protect the Sun Summoner.

And the choice is simple for him.

You kept your hand pressed tightly to your mouth to keep from making any sound as you walked down the hall of the Grand Palace. Tears flowed freely from your eyes, somehow making their way through your hand and into your mouth so you could taste the saltiness of your defeat.

He chose Alina. Actually, both of you, but what difference did it make? You made it clear to him that you wouldn't be just another pushover in his life, just another face among many others. You wanted everything or nothing. Nothing half-hearted, no half-truths, and no being THE OTHER WOMEN.

As you walk and cry, you don't notice something suddenly moving in the shadows, and listening to the heartbeat of someone who might be hiding in a secret passageway in the hall is the last thing on your mind right now.

That's how someone grabs you tightly by the arm in an aching hug and drags you along with them to the hidden exit of the castle. You struggle and freeze, both shocked and irritated, as you see who caught you.

"Baghra? What the hell do you want?" you ask irritably, not wanting her to see you like this. You pull your hand from her grip and wipe the remaining tears from your face.

"I'm helping you, child. Do you think Aleksander won't send people after you who will lead you back to him like some pet?"

"I don't need your help." you growl, backing away from her in anger.

"You think so? So c'mon. Go, run away by yourself. I am sure he will find you. Maybe he will even put a collar on you too. You, Alina and Aleksander will have so much fun together."

You stand still, listening to her words like poison. You shake your head and turn to face her, watching her smirk with spite.

"You know what? I'm not surprised that he... that he thinks what he's doing is right. If he told me even a little bit of the truth about himself, then I know how you treated him. How you shaped him. So don't be surprised that your son became what he became when all you showed him was how to take advantage of other people and how to not care about anyone but his own goals and needs. Maybe if you hadn't run away from all those who are supposedly not worthy of your attention and hadn't taught him the same things, he would have turned out completely differently. Maybe if you saw him as something more than a creator of the fold, a Black Heretic, everything would be different. And don't worry. I can handle everything perfectly on my own."

You leave her in the secret corridor and don't look back as you return to the main halls of the Grand Palace.

Aleksander was furious. No one saw you, no one could find you. He ran out of the Little Palace and headed straight for the stables. You had to sneak out somehow. He hoped that maybe he would ride his horse around the area and find you.

He doesn't wait for the horseboy. He approaches his horse and saddles it quickly and expertly. He has his foot in the stirrup when he hears movement near the entrance.

"Are you going somewhere?" you ask, leaning against the entrance with your arms crossed.

He freezes, blinking a few times, making sure you're not some sort of vision, ghost, or other creature tormenting him. When he realises you're standing there in your body, he jumps off his horse and runs towards you. He hugs you to his chest and buries his nose in your hair. He lets out a shaky breath, inhaling your scent.

"Saints, where have you been?" he asks, not letting you move away from him. He needs to feel you close.

"On the way. Far from here. I turned back when I heard that there was an attack on Alina. Did anything happen to anyone?" you ask worriedly, moving away from him. He doesn't let you go far, just enough to look at him.

"I… I don't know." he admits, embarrassed, and you frown, looking at him in disbelief.

"How don't you know?"

"I left. I left Ivan, Fedyor, and Zoya in charge. I… I had to find you."

His confession makes your heart melt, and you bite your lips, holding back the sudden urge to kiss him. Your brain gets back on track as you start to think again about how your friends and other Grisha handle another attack on Sun Summoner.

"We have to come back to them." you tell him as you somehow manage to get out of his grasp and turn towards the exit.

"Wait... please." he says this and quickly overtakes you, blocking your only escape route. You stare into his dark eyes for a moment before shifting your gaze to his horse, which is watching the two of you closely. He doesn't let you take your eyes off him for long. He gently grabs your chin and forces you to meet his pleading gaze. "Talk to me."

"About what? We have nothing to talk about." you say, glaring at him defiantly.

Common sense screams at you to run away from him. He wasn't just the red flag; he was the whole red carpet. But how can you leave him when those dark eyes look at you so pleadingly, when he clings to you like to the anchor, like to the only thing that holds him sane?

"If that were true, you'd be on your way, far away. I know you could get through all those people I put on guard, even me. If we didn't have anything to talk about, I… I wouldn't be looking for you like a mad man, leaving the Little Palace in such a situation without my supervision. You know that."

"Why are you wearing a kefta with red embroidery? Why did Alina replace her blue one with a black one? You can't have a cake and eat it at the same time, Aleksander. I want... I want to be the only one for you... as you are the only one for me, even though this shouldn't happen. Even though I know what you did, but... I can't help seeing you as... as someone more than my general or the Darkling. I... please, just don't prove me I am that naive to love you."

You lift your head to look at him just as he leans down to capture your lips with his.

You stand there in shock for a moment, but you respond to his kiss with equal parts fervour, passion, and need. He wraps one hand around your waist, and the other gently cups your cheek, tilting your head to a different side to give him better access to your mouth. You moan into the kiss, grabbing the lapels of his kefta and pulling him even closer to you.

The thought occurs to you that he looks good in red.

His cold fingertips tease the hot skin of your neck as he begins to undo the buttons on your kefta. A shiver runs through you as you break away from him, realising that you two still have a few more things to explain before you can finally let yourself lose yourself in him.

"Wait, wait." he listens to you and immediately pulls away from you, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. He licks his lips and is about to ask you a question when you interrupt him. "Nothing happened. You didn't do anything wrong; I just need to know. What about Alina? And the fold?"

"She means nothing to me. She is nothing compared to you. She is just a means to an end, and I… might have changed my plans a little bit."

"What do you mean?" you ask, crossing your arms. He sighs and looks at you for a long time before answering.

"I'm not known for making noble decisions. But know that everything I do—everything I wanted to do—I did for Grisha's sake. And I admit... these were not good for everyone. I wanted to seduce Alina. Make her trust me, make her rely only on me, and take advantage of her. But then I promoted you. I needed help with the papers—someone who wouldn't question my authority and for whom Grisha's well-being was as important as mine. And you ruined all my plans after the first day when you argued with me about sending our people through the fold. I... for the first time in hundreds of years, I had someone who wasn't afraid to say what she thought. Someone who respected my opinion even if she didn't agree with it. I felt that… that I didn't have to be this monster around you, that I didn't have to keep up my image. That I don't have to be a Darkling for you to respect me. And I know I'm far from being a good man, but with you... with you, I remember what I was like before all this happened, before this whole thing with the fold. What I was fighting for. What I believed in. I thought that that man died a long time ago, but with you, I am... I can be just my old self. The one I really missed. The only one of many of my... well, version of myself that I didn't play or create for survival purposes. I live with you. Not just keep fighting to survive for the better times. So please believe me that when I say I love you, I say it from the deepest truth, from the remnants of my heart that I still have after the centuries I have lived. The remnants that you picked up and brought back to life, my little almighty heartrender. You don't have to want me back. I don't suspect you will… just please don't leave. Don't leave me again alone in my darkness."

And what can you say? What can you do other than go up to him and kiss him like you've never kissed anyone else? You don't know who is more surprised—you, him, or that damned horse neighing in the background, ruining your perfect moment. But you don't care. You kiss your shadow summoner and try to convince him that, from now on, he will never be alone. At least as long as you breathe.

"I have something for you," you say later that night as you lie in his arms in his bed.

After your little make-out session, you returned to the Little Palace and took care of everything. Baghra was gone, Alina was safe (with Mal returning after Aleksander had abandoned his search for the deer), and everyone in the palace had somehow survived another attack.

"I don't need anything except for you to stop squirming so much," he murmurs into your neck, tightening his grip on you as you try to reach for your kefta, which is discarded on the floor next to the bed.

"Aleksander!” you squeal, laughing when he touches the sensitive spot on your waist, making you tickle. "Don't you dare." you say, seeing his malicious look. "I'm serious. Tickle me, and I'll fly out the door, not caring who sees me naked."

"I'll remember that." he huffs, offended, and buries his face in your neck. His beard tickles your skin, and even more tickles your sensitive skin, where he left a few hickeys on it.

You somehow manage to reach into your kefta and take out a canvas pouch. You place it on Alexander's chest, smiling excitedly as he pulls away from you gently and takes the item, examining it in his hands.

"What is it?"

"Your Christmas' gift. Open it."

He doesn't question your order. He pulls you towards him so that you're sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest. He hugs you, holding you close to him and resting his chin on your head as he opens his pouch and selects a ring. You feel him hold his breath, and his heart speeds up.

"Don't worry; I'm not proposing to you. I'm not crazy enough to do it so quickly. Besides, I'm quite a traditionalist when it comes to this. I'll wait for my ring. I just know you lost yours somewhere and… I thought it would be a nice gift."

"Is this a moonstone?" you nod at his question.

"Do you like it?"

He doesn't answer. He places a kiss on your head and hands you the ring. He sticks out his left hand, obviously wanting you to put it on his finger.

You do it with trembling hands. It looks good on his finger. And the possessive thought crosses your mind that he is truly yours now.

"I have nothing for you, milaya. You'll have to wait before I pick up your gift from David and Genya." you turn around in his arms with a smile.

"I already have my gift. You let me warm your heart. That's all I wanted." he gives you that charming smile and kisses you. You smile against his lips, feeling his arms around you again as he pins you to the mattress to shower you with kisses again, hickeys and all his attention, whispering against your skin with every kiss how much he loves you and needs you.

And in the morning, you find a beautiful black kefta with red embroidery and a ring that matches the one you gave him. And as you hear his heartbeat against yours, you decide it's the best Christmas you've ever had.

[tumbleweedsthesecond]

CLONE HIGH CLOTHING SWAP!!(I'm gonna lore drop abt them but more importantly Anna )

Yayy lore time. So Anna is the clone of Anastasia Romanovna but she says she's the clone of Anastasia Romanov. This is because the other Anastasia Romanov is more well known and I like to include historical references in stuff. From what I know her body was never officially found, she was considered a mystery she was important because of that. Many people think she lived and escaped instead of being killed. Some people also pretended to be her or tried to for money from the aunt as is shown in the Disney movie. specifically Anna Anderson I think which is why I nicknamed her Anna. (If anyone needs to correct me on some of this stuff Ik its been a while since I've done research on the topic I've been researching other stuff.)

When Anna was cloned her foster father believed she was that Anastasia, so up until she was like 11 or so she believed she was Anastasia Romanov, she felt important. She watched the movie and loved the idea of being a princess, of being the one everyone was waiting for. Until one day scudworth told her she was wrong and got the names mixed up. So Anna saw Ivan and cried her eyes out. She didn't want to be the clone of some guys wife. She wants to be more important than that and not live in his shadow. She thinks she's important and seeing her dad disappointed about that really hurt her. So she decided that she was going to just cope. She'd forget everything scudworth said and live that lie. And it felt great for her, she brags about it alot. Though she's gone so far into coping she does almost believe it. because of that she's obsessed with popularity and living up to the real Anastasia Romanov. She wants to be famous, she studies hard and everything. She's even a cheerleader. Because of the coping thing it does make her view other people just as extensions of their clone parents. She thinks everyone thinks the way she does cause she's preppy. Also on why she expects people to be extensions of the clone parents is also due to some self loathing because of who she really is. That doesn't make her any less annoying though but I forgive her❤

Orginally Anna and Ivan were a ship because she couldn't fight her genes or whatever that's been erased actually I decided it'd be more interesting of she was a lesbian. ivan and her are still rivals. She doesn't know she's a lesbian yet tho cause comphet she's also Topher stepsister!! Basically they hate hate each other at first for obvious reasons and Topher even blackmails Anna. Then he does reveal who he's a clone of and she full on ignores him and calls him disgusting for like a week. But eventually they talk and they become a little closer? Anna starts understanding people aren't just their clone parents and she still like trying I guess? Topher also learns to not blackmail her so yay They have some solidarity, a little. They still don't like each other but its more in a sibling way.

Okay now Fyodor. Gonna guess no-one(but like one person) knows who Fyodor Basmanov is. I learned about him through some movies, basically Ivan the terrible had this alleged male lover. He was in the Oprichnina, like a secret police Ivan had made, and he rose in ranks fast. He was known as the favorite of the Tsar many people thought they were a thing(probably). There was rumors he'd wear skirts and dance for Ivan and stuff. Whether or not that's true in the Ivan the terrible movies he's in they actually do address it. In the 1940s two part one he sings this song abt killing people in a dress and a mask that is supposed to resemble Anastasia Romanovna in the beginning of the film. Which is actually why I made them do a clothing swap in the post. In the 1991 version he is sooo pretty and I can't understand everything in the film because no subtitles but I was able to get some context to what was happening. The story from what I know goes Fyodors the favorite and he uses that alot over other people, he sits next to the Tsar during meals and stuff, poisons people for him etc, then he tries to trick this other guy to get rid of him with witchcraft but word got back to Ivan and now they think Fyodor committed treason. So hes like no not me!!come on Ivan listen to me I'll tell everyone about us or something like that I don't know I could only understand some and he's dragged away. Real Fyodor apparently did get accused of treason by Ivan and he was ordered to kill his father. Some say then Fyodor was executed others say he was just sent away I don't know what really happened. Shrugs. Anyway

I made a clone of him just because I can ❤yay❤ he's Ivans ex friend they don't hang out anymore because Ivan thinks he's better than him. Fyodors just a chronically online guy that uses discord too much(gamer). He wears skirts too not for Ivan just cause I like gnc characters. Yay❤. Also Ivan and him weren't a thing though Fyodor probably does have a crush on him for a bit, the most Ivan does for him is buy him discord nitro. Which he doesnt do anymore. Fyodor does still sometimes try be friends with the bleacher creatures mainly cause sometimes he feels like he's nothing without Ivan so. Yeah. He's unsuccessful tho he's annoying af. He's cringe. He thinks it's funny tho

Anyway just realized I made three clones of Ivan the terrible lovers and I don't ship any of them with him(Maria's the third ill post about her another day. Her and Anna get together tho) this guy had like eight wives. I should really just clone all of them and make them a polycule(minus Ivan ofc) this is why I shouldn't study historical figures

[maimingaffairs]

Moonlight & Shadows (aleksander morozova x fem!moon summoner!reader)

READ PART 1 HERE

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this is the requested part two to another request i had gotten previously so PLEASE read that first. it’ll make it easier for you to understand this one :) apologies in advance for how long this is… i got very carried away.

requested by: @sloppyzengarden

as always.. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR LOVELY REQUESTS <33

warnings: major character death, spoilers for season 2, canon typical violence, mentions of blood. slightly (?) ooc (?) mal

word count: 17.5k

-

Tendrils of shadow weaved themselves between your glowing fingers and you tapped them, watching as the darkness of the shadows fizzled into a soft silvery shower of tiny sparks.

Your delicate hand was clasped tightly in Aleksander’s much larger, scarred one. A black mark covered the back of his hand where the bone of the stag used to sit, fused into his skin.

With your free hand and his, the two of you absentmindedly messed around with your powers, something the two of you did often. He claimed you should use it often and that’s why he did it, but you suspected it was because he enjoyed watching your light consume his shadows and turn them into silvery, moonlit sparks.

You sat on one of his thighs while your legs were draped across the other and you laid your head down on his shoulder. Every now and then, he’d turn to press a kiss to the side of your face. Despite the situation you were in, the pressures you both were under, you’d never felt so adored.

You pulled back just a bit to look up at his face to admire him. Black scars now decorated his beautiful face and there was a different roughness to him ever since you had found him, emerging from The Fold.

He didn’t like his scars, but to you, they were just another part of the man you loved so dearly. Every part of him was so beautiful to you.

As if sensing your stare, he slowly turned his head downwards and gazed at you through his half-lidded, tired eyes.

“What’re you staring at, little one?” He asked and reached down to run just the tips of his calloused fingers over your cheek.

“Just you. What else?” You answered honestly, and he simply let out a short laugh.

He didn’t respond in any other way, instead deciding to wrap both of his arms around your waist. You laid your hands on his chest and rested your cheek against his collarbone, eyes falling shut slowly. Comfort washed over you like a warm rain and you gathered the lapels of his kefta in your fists, holding yourself as close to him as you possibly could.

Most of your nights ended like this, together. Ever since you had found him, crawling out of The Fold with his nichevo'ya following behind him, he’d held you just a little bit tighter when he got the chance to. He hadn’t allowed you to board the skiff with him and Alina on that fateful day where everything went terribly wrong. He’d instead had Ivan put you to sleep and left you in his tent back at the army encampment. When you woke, you could feel him. All of him. All of his pain, his suffering, and most of all, you could feel the way he was calling for you. You heard it in your mind, and it led you all the way to the edge of The Fold. When he came stumbling out, you ran to him, taking him into your capable arms.

When you promised him forever, you meant just that.

You’d always known there was a darkness within Aleksander. A darkness that was more than just the shadows he controlled.

A darkness that you’d taken in whole and accepted as part of the man you loved.

There was much unspoken between the two of you, much that was unnecessary to speak. He knew you better than you knew yourself, and at this point, you liked to believe that you knew him better than he did.

“You ought to be getting some sleep, my precious Saint.” He whispered and placed a kiss against the side of your head.

“I do not wish to, not yet.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I am comfortable here with you.” You replied and looked up at him. His face was soft, a sight you’d seldom seen before his emergence from The Fold. You felt a twinge of sadness in your stomach and he must have noticed it on your face, because he cupped your face with one hand and leaned down towards you.

“Oh, my love. None of that. Do not pity me. I am alive and I am well. You are mine, I am yours, we will emerge victorious through it all, all is right. All is well.” he cooed in a tone that could’ve convinced you that the sky was green rather than blue.

His warm lips pressed themselves against your temple and he drew you in closer to himself until you were completely covered in him.

“My beautiful Saint of the Moon, sleep now. I will not let go of you.” he promised in that same velvet tone, and it was enough to make you close your eyes.

“But you need your sleep, too, moi soverenyi.” you whispered to him, but you felt his finger tap your lips.

“I will sleep once I know you have comfortably fallen into your very own slumber. As I do every night.” he replied and you nuzzled your face into the side of his chest.

You listened to the shallow beating of his heart underneath your cheek and you focused on the rise and fall of his chest, never wanting to move from the spot you’d taken up residency in for the night. The distant sound of his heart lulled you to sleep, slowly at first, and then your exhaustion came down on you like an avalanche, pulling you down into its clutches.

-

“Do you think perhaps once we find the last amplifier that I could have a bit of it, too?” you asked softly, watching as Aleksander flipped through a leather bound book on the table in front of the two of you.

Vladim, a small Alkemi pushed another book towards Aleksander and he let out a discontented hum.

“But of course, my little moonbeam. Anything you would like shall be yours.” he mumbled distractedly and you heard a snort from the other side of the room. You glanced over at Baghra who sat in her cage, eyeing you with contempt.

“Feeling like a little house kitten yet, Miss y/l/n?” Baghra asked and Aleksander’s head perked up.

“Speak not to my Moon Summoner, woman. Keep your spite to yourself and rot with it, mother.” he said sharply and then as if he had to apologize, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Do ignore her. She couldn’t possibly understand the capacity of that which I have affection for you.” he murmured and then picked up another book.

“Please. You know little of true affection, Aleksander. You’ll have your fun with your pet and then once the novelty wears off, you’ll want another. Something else to gain.” she said with a sense of pride that made you curl your fingers into fists.

“Last I checked, Baghra, I was not the one collared and chained to a skiff. My presence is entirely voluntary.” you snapped, referring to Alina.

“Voluntary because you choose to show him what tricks you’ve learned. Because you derive your pride and pleasures on making him proud. Proud of the tricks he taught you. You-“

“Enough!” Aleksander yelled and turned towards Baghra, “Bitter hag. Make your assumptions to yourself, for you know little of what you speak.” he snapped and the room fell entirely silent.

His arm wrapped around your middle and he pulled you into his side tightly.

“You can have whatever you like. If you desire The Firebird, then I shall give it to you on a silver platter.” he repeated and then stared down at you, his eyes steely, “A queen deserves that much.”

A warm feeling, much akin to drunkenness, filled your chest as you looked up at Aleksander and he trailed his eyes away from the journal in his hands. He looked down upon your face and then he sighed.

“Stop gazing at me like that. We have things to do today and if I catch your affectionate stare once more, I will want nothing else but to stare back.” He replied and then he set the journal down and clutched your hands in his.

He gave you a soft smile and then he ducked down to place a delicate kiss on your cheekbone.

“My dear girl, would you be so kind as to fetch me the notebook that is in our room?” He asked softly and you looked up at him, giving his hands a soft squeeze.

“Of course. Give me a moment, I’ll be right back.” You promised and he moved in to give you one more peck on the side of your face and you felt your cheeks heat up.

Once he had released your hands and turned back to his work with Vladim, you walked out into the hallway, humming quite contently to yourself.

You rounded the corner to your bedroom when a hand closed itself around your arm. You spun around urgently only to see Genya standing behind you, her lips pursed in a frown.

“Y/n,” she began, speaking in a tone not much louder than a simple breath, “I am hoping you will find it within yourself to help me.”

You gazed into the red headed girl’s eyes and you blinked a couple of times, reaching up to gently lay your hand on her forearm.

“You look ever so frightened, Genya.”

“I need your help-“

“Yes but you are shaking.” You protested, cutting her off.

“That is why I need your help!” She exclaimed and then she leaned her face into her hands, “I did not mean to raise my voice to you, I apologize, y/n.”

You’d never seen her act so skittish before and it struck a chord of worry deep within you.

“Oh, please no. Don’t apologize. Just tell me what you need, darling.” You breathed, trying to be as soft and kind as you could be to the anxiety ridden girl.

“David and I-“ Once again, the girl was cut off by a bloodcurdling scream behind the two of you, and you slowly turned around.

The scream resonated in your bones, it nearly made you shiver with its proximity. You’d heard that kind of scream many times before; someone was in great pain.

Determined footsteps followed just a moment later and they echoed down the hall, coming closer to the two of you.

Genya let go of your arm instantly and she turned the opposite corner and took off in a fast walk, leaving you standing in confusion. Just as you went to walk to your bedroom, another hand caught your arm and you looked up to see Aleksander.

He did not look down at you this time. His face, though stoic, had a burning fury bubbling just underneath the skin, and you could see this through his dark eyes. His jaw was set so tightly you thought he might shatter each and every one of his teeth. You had not been around an angry Aleksander before. Either he displayed his anger elsewhere, or he was just very skilled at keeping it at bay. Whatever the case may have been, the apoplectic glint in his eyes made you frown and you wanted to make yourself very small in that moment.

“My love?” You whispered and reached up to place your hand on top of his as he held your upper arm.

His restraint was impressive. For someone who had eons of rage just beneath the surface, he held your arm so gently that you would have believed him to be much happier if you’d felt his touch without seeing his face.

After just a moment, he tipped his head down towards you and he gave you a very, very tense look.

“I have acquired amplifiers for you and I.” He said simply and then he let his fingers fall away from your arm before he gently brushed past you and strode down the hall.

You wondered where he could have found an amplifier so instantaneously and you turned around and made your way back into the room he had just left.

Vladimi stood at his table with a semi-disgusted look on his face and you stared at him for a moment before you dared to look over at Baghra, who had her hand cradled against her chest. Blood slipped through her fingers at a rapid rate and dribbled onto the floor beneath her. You questioned what had happened and turned to Vladim to ask, though, you wished you hadn’t, because the boy held a dish with one severed finger sitting upon it.

Your mouth fell open and you looked between Vladim and Baghra rapidly before you retreated out of the room, feeling rather sick to your stomach.

-

You hadn’t seen Aleksander all day. Not since he informed you that you now had an amplifier. The thought made you shiver.

You had never been fond of Baghra, in fact, the two of you had a very tumultuous acquaintanceship. She was very well aware of the fact that you stood with her son at all times, completely devoted to him. Just as you were well aware she was completely devoted to his downfall. The two beliefs didn’t match up, and neither did the two of you. That didn’t necessarily mean you wanted her to be dismembered in the name of your own gain.

It wasn’t as if you were angry with Aleksander, though. Truth be told, you were a bit afraid of him at the moment. You had never seen the man angry before. He was smart, he played his cards right, and he was cautious to never show you his anger, his contempt. Perhaps it was because he knew just how terrifying he could be. He didn’t need a gun, he didn’t need weaponry of any kind, he didn’t even need to raise his voice. All Aleksander needed to invoke fear was a simple change in his eyes, and the look in them earlier was enough to send a biting chill down to your very bones. And you weren’t even the subject of his anger.

You finished your ninth slow lap around the grounds of the sanctuary and you rubbed your cold nose a few times, letting out a little sigh. You’d been outside walking for quite some time now, trying to decide what to do next. You wanted to thank Aleksander for the amplifier, but you also wanted to ask him why. You wanted to go inside and sit on his thigh while he pondered by his window, but you didn’t want to see his anger. So you instead went for your tenth circle around the grounds, only getting started before someone cleared their throat near you.

You turned your head to see David walking alongside you now and you gave him a little smile. He didn’t smile back.

“Is there anything I can do for you, David?” You asked, keeping the polite smile on your face as you spoke to him.

“Yes. I need to ask something of you. I would never ask if I wasn’t completely desperate.” He mumbled and then looked away from you.

“Ask.” You instructed, and you were almost surprised with how your tone resembled Aleksander’s.

David must have thought the same thing because his eyes shot towards you and he studied your face for a moment before he shook his head.

“I am… leaving. With Genya. I need you to keep The Darkling… occupied. For the evening. Please, y/n. I know very well of your devotion to him, I know what I risk by asking this of you, but I saw your eyes today, when you realized what he’d done to Baghra. You are afraid of him. So are we. Please, I beg you to let us go. Let us escape. Buy us some time.” He explained, not bothering to hide the desperation in his voice.

You eyed him and pursed your lips. A bit of your own anger began to build and you let out a little scoff.

“Do you realize what you ask of me? You want me to deceive the man who protects me? Who protects you? All of us? David, he saved Genya. He saved you, and all you can do to repay him is run?” You asked incredulously, your eyes narrowing.

“He is no man! He is evil in its truest form. He commands wicked things, horrible things. He inspires nothing a man who saves his people should inspire. He inspires fear! Pure fear!” David protested and then stopped walking, causing you to stop as well.

You looked the Durast up and down in disgust and you clenched your hands into fists.

“You only fear what you don’t understand. Just because you cannot see the beauty in his nature does not mean it isn’t there. You and Genya are ingrates. You should be ashamed of yourselves. He saved you, took you in, gives you purpose and a shelter in a country where Grisha are being hunted every single day-“

“And why are they being hunted now?” David asked sharply, cutting you off.

“Because they fear what they don’t understand!” You exclaimed, “Just as you do! Just as Genya does! My answer is no. I will not aid in your abandonment. If you wish to run, do so at your own risk. I hide nothing from my Darkling.” You hissed, squaring your shoulders as you stared up at David.

The mild-mannered man looked down at you in a sort of disbelief and then he shook his head.

“I cannot have you tell him what we have planned.” He said somberly and reached out for your arm, but you jumped back as quickly as he moved forward.

“I will tell him what I please!” You shrieked and held your hand up threateningly, the silvery light of the moon glowing just beneath your skin, “It would do you well to not try and stop me, David Kostyk.” You warned before you stepped back once more. You stared at him for just a moment longer before you took off back towards the sanctuary, running with intent. You looked back just once to see him running in the opposite direction. Frustration filled your chest and you ran even faster up to the doors. You flung them open once you reached them and dashed inside. It took all the self control you had not to scream Aleksander’s name, and as soon as you came running through the halls, Genya went running past you and you gasped.

You ran down the hall to your bedroom, your footsteps graceless and loud as you stampeded towards the room and you pushed the door open.

Aleksander sat in his chair and when the door flew open, he slowly looked up at you.

If he was angry still, there was no trace of it left on his face and in his eyes. Instead he looked exhausted, pained, regretful.

You let out a loud cry of frustration and you pointed towards the hall, out of breath.

“Genya and David are deserting!” You cried out.

That got his attention and he stood as quickly as you got the words out. He grabbed his cloak from off of the table it laid on and he nodded towards the door.

“Come then.” He commanded simply and he stormed out of the room and you followed behind him, your chest heaving.

He pulled his cloak on as he walked and then reached back to grab your wrist and pull you closer to him.

“How do you know they are deserting?” He asked you as the pair of you made your way outside towards his horse.

“David. He asked me to keep you distracted while he ran with Genya.” You admitted and Aleksander looked down at you with wide eyes.

“Then I suppose we will have to put a stop to that, won’t we?” He asked in a hum.

As soon as you reached his horse, he hoisted you up onto the animal and climbed on behind you and kicked the horse in the side, getting it to move.

You looked out across the clearing before you and you saw Genya’s head bobbing above and beneath the tops of shrubbery and twiggy bushes.

“There.” You said and pointed towards the distance, and Aleksander didn’t waste any time in steering his horse in that same direction.

You placed your hands on top of his gently and you let out a very quiet sigh.

“I am sorry, my love.” You whispered and you could feel him shake his head behind you.

“This is not your doing, I will not have you apologetic for the actions of others.” He replied and simply urged his horse on faster until the only sound you heard was the thundering of the animal’s hooves.

The two of you chased the girl up a few paths until you rounded a corner and he called out for her viciously.

“Stand and answer me!” He shouted determinedly.

Genya was cornered. There was nowhere else for her to run now that she was stuck between some old ruins and you and Aleksander. Your lover threw himself off of the horse and you stayed up on its back, staring down at him as he stalked towards her.

His hood hung over his head ominously, and the ground beneath his feet blackened in little tendrils, all radiating out from him. Genya was shaking like a frightened animal and her eyes darted between you and Aleksander in terror.

Normally, you probably would’ve felt pity for the scared girl, but all you felt in that moment was a white hot twinge of frustration .

How dare she so easily abandon the man who saved her life? The man who wanted nothing but peace for his people.

You stared coldly at the girl and you straightened up your shoulders, your jaw setting sternly.

Aleksander pushed his hood off of his head as he approached the Tailor and he looked around the small clearing.

“What is the meaning of this?” He asked lowly, still approaching Genya, “I rescue you from certain death, yet you abandon me.” His tone was calm, so soft that it was eerie.

She looked up at you as if you might save her from her fate, but you simply watched her as if this was nothing but a show put on for your own entertainment, a silly little attempt at your amusement.

Her face became one of anger and she whipped her head towards Aleksander.

“You used me to satisfy a king. I should be your greatest shame,” she replied, her voice trembling just as hard as she was, “Please,” she began, tears forming in her wide blue eyes, “just let me go.” She wasn’t begging, she wasn’t asking. She was trying to reason with him.

She turned towards you and then she let out a fragment of a gasp.

“And you! Who have you become? You were my friend!” She cried and pointed at you shakily.

You raised an eyebrow and then let out a long sigh. You tucked a fallen strand of hair behind your ear and you shifted on the horse.

“You speak of things you have no possible capacity of knowing.” You replied in an even tone.

“Please, just let me go.” She repeated, eyes still on you as if you were going to speak up on her behalf.

You weren’t.

“I’m afraid not.” Aleksander spoke, and you tore your eyes away from Genya just in time to see one of his nichevo'ya rise up from the ground at his side, “I need you, Genya.” He added, approaching her with small steps, his side half consumed by the cyclonic billowing of shadows that made up his new creatures of nothing.

Genya jammed her hand into her coat and yanked out a gun, and without hesitation, shot into the nichevo'ya. The misshapen humanlike form of shadow moved toward her, followed by Aleksander and she made one last look up at you before the nichevo'ya wrapped itself around her and she let out a gut twisting scream.

You averted your eyes from the scene in front of you and pushed down the little sliver of guilt that prodded at your throat.

She deserved it. She was going to desert you. She betrayed Aleksander, she would have gone straight to Alina.

You closed your eyes and took a few slow breaths before you opened them again and exhaled slowly. You kept your eyes on your hands now as Genya continued to scream and for only a second, you thought you tasted but a lick of the fear that compelled Genya and David.

-

Aleksander was nearly doubled over coughing when you entered your room. You approached him with caution to make sure you didn’t startle him, and you laid your hand gently on his back, passing him a handkerchief from the pocket of your kefta.

He took it from you very gently and held it over his mouth as he continued to cough. After a few moments of this, he straightened up slowly and lowered the handkerchief. He dropped it on the chair he was clutching onto and you didn’t dare look at it, afraid of what you might find.

His eyes found your face and he reached out for you, his hand sliding gently around your neck as he pulled you into his chest.

“I know that look. I’ve told you not to pity me.” He mumbled and tucked your head against his chest. His voice was hoarse and he sounded exhausted, but you let him pull you close nonetheless and wrapped your arms around him tightly.

“Aleksander, I do not pity you. I worry for you. Grisha do not get sick, yet you cough and are burdened with headaches. I have the right to worry. I lo…” you slowly trailed off and let out a small huff. You didn’t let yourself finish, instead, you pressed your face against his kefta and closed your eyes tightly.

Many of the emotional things between you and Aleksander went unspoken, and it had always been this way. You weren’t doubtful that he loved you, just as he wasn’t doubtful that you loved him. Nonetheless, it was a word that fell into the realm of the unspoken.

You never knew why.

Perhaps it was that it had a deeper meaning than just the affection you two held for one another. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to proclaim your love for him in verbal form. But he never did. Not in such a direct way. For you, not telling Aleksander that you loved him was simply because he never did either, but for him, you theorized that it was much deeper. Maybe it was because he didn’t love you- which you didn’t believe for one moment- or maybe it was because the last time he claimed love for someone, they were murdered before his very eyes. Or perhaps it was because the moment he said it aloud, he would give up the very thing that kept him impenetrable to his enemies: he would give up his supposed invincibility.

To his enemies, The Darkling didn’t have weaknesses. He didn’t falter, and he didn’t hesitate.

To most of them at least. It was no secret that you two were close, and Alina knew that much. Though, you didn’t fear Alina. Neither did he.

But you were his weakness, just as he was yours. You admittedly had many more weaknesses than he, your so few years on this earth leaving you with soft spots that had yet to harden. He had the luxury of having those soft spots hidden behind walls and steel and stone.

His hand slid away from your neck and up into your hair as you stood silently in your thoughts, and his fingers curled protectively against your scalp.

“You worry for such trivial things, angel.” He replied quietly.

It wasn’t trivial.

Not to you.

If he didn’t get the third amplifier before Alina did, you knew that his use of merzost freely would poison him until his heart finally did stop for the first time in over five hundred years.

You didn’t say anything more. You just kept your face hidden against his chest and you clung to him, desperate to have him as close to you as possible. Especially tonight. Especially after Genya.

The two of you hadn’t said a word on the matter, and you knew it was because Aleksander knew he’d frightened you, even if you did try to mask it with a replica of the hard facade of his that you coveted so deeply at times.

A knock on the door broke your silence and pulled you away from your wondering thoughts and Aleksander gently pulled your head away from his chest with the grip he had on your hair. He leaned down and pressed one delicate kiss to your lips before he let go of you and cleared his throat.

“Yes?” He called and the door opened briskly.

His unofficial right hand, Fruzsi stepped into the room and she approached the two of you instantly.

“General, Miss y/l/n.” She greeted with reverence.

Aleksander hardly acknowledged her greeting and instead turned his body towards her and let out a quiet wheeze before he spoke.

“The moment Genya is conscious, let’s take her and make sure the others understand what awaits them if they are disloyal.” He instructed and you bit the inside of your cheek. You didn’t want to be part of that.

“With pleasure.” Fruzsi replied obediently and clutched her hands in front of her as she bowed her head just slightly at Aleksander.

He turned back around and faced you now, reaching out to carefully adjust your kefta, straightening it and dusting it off just a bit.

“I’ll admit disappointment,” he began and then he tidied up the collar of your kefta, and though he was fiddling with your clothing, you knew he was speaking to Fruzsi, “I always felt an affinity for her. And David,” he continued before he turned back towards the other girl in the room.

“Morozova’s journal is missing.” She blurted and you stiffened.

The journal was the only thing you all had with the information that was needed to possibly cure Aleksander’s ailment that he’d dragged out of The Fold with himself.

His shoulders stiffened and you reached out to grasp his forearm, and though he didn’t acknowledge you, he was thankful that your hand was on his arm.

Your touch grounded him.

“Vladim believes David took it.” Fruzsi continued on, a look of worry ghosting over her features.

Aleksander didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds and you brushed your thumb soothingly over the sleeve of his kefta, even though you were sure he didn’t feel it through the thick material.

Of course David would take it. The one thing that you needed. The betrayal of Aleksander by two people he claimed to trust sent a stab of sickness up through your stomach.

“And with it, any possibility of understanding my… condition.” he slowly turned towards you, his face colorless. The same anger from earlier boiled just beneath his skin and his eyes seemed to glow with the same fury.

You practically cowered underneath his indignant stare.

His lip curled back just slightly and you let out a shaking breath, your hand tightening around his arm, mouth forming his name.

You had never been one for anger before. It took a great deal to get you to the point of rage, and even then, you kept yourself as calm as you could. You had to. All of your life, you had to. You could tell by the look in your lover’s eyes, that he reached his breaking point. There was no masking his anger now, his mask had fallen, and there was no amount of patience now that could compel him to slip the mask back on.

“Leave.” He hissed over his shoulder at Fruzsi.

The girl glanced worriedly at him and then at you before she bowed her head once more and scurried out of the room.

Aleksander yanked his arm from your grip and you gasped softly.

“Aleksander, my love-“ you began but he held up a hand to silence you.

You fell silent, your heart hammering anxiously against your chest now.

He breathed heavily for a moment before he launched his arms down upon his desk and sent everything atop it flying, a loud, mangled cry leaving his mouth. He turned his back on you and leaned up against the desk as he continued to scream, and you brought your hands up to your mouth, tears gathering in your eyes.

The sound of his yells and the clattering of objects flying off the desk made you jump and you stumbled backwards just a bit, a tiny cry escaping your lips. You held your hands tightly over your mouth and watched him as he lifted a shaking hand and turned it over, staring at the remnants of his and Alina’s shared amplifier.

You watched him in shock and you shook your head, lowering your hands from your mouth.

You knew very well of the tether Aleksander shared with Alina, and you also knew of the dangers that came with it. He loved to have the last word, loved to toy with the girl as if she was a mouse caught by only her tail and he was the cat that held her in place.

“My love, do not call on her, you’ll only grow angrier.” You whispered and stepped towards him.

But he already had.

-

You had barely left your room for a week now. You’d barely found the will to speak along with your desire to not leave the room.

Aleksander knew very well that he had scared you the night the journal was reported missing, and though he didn’t come out and apologize aloud yet, he’d spent a considerable amount of time with his arms around you. He would hold you against his chest and he’d coo sweet little things in your ears and he’d rock you back and forth like he was comforting a baby.

His guilt was eating him alive, perhaps more rapidly than the merzost was.

Tonight in particular pained him more than the others.

You were sat at his desk and stacked his papers carefully after arranging them. He wasn’t angry, he didn’t even mean to stand up so fast and so aggressively, but he rose rapidly from his favored chair and you jumped backwards, eyes wide as you looked up at him.

You stood up quickly and tried to play it off as just getting up, but he’d seen the way you’d flinched.

“Y/n,” he whispered and slowly moved towards you. When he was only a foot away from you, you looked up at him and gave him a watery smile and shook your head.

“No, Aleksander I’m just fine. It’s okay.” You insisted and held your hands out to dismiss whatever he was about to say. You knew the look on his face well. He was stricken.

“You are not fine. You walk on eggshells around me. You have ever since Genya.” He stated and you swallowed nervously, shaking your head in protest.

“I don’t, I promise.” You insisted, your voice getting stuck in your throat nearly at the end.

“What do you call this, then? You jumping at my abrupt movements, your newfound anxiety in my presence. Just seven days ago, I brought you comfort. I know this has to do with her and my outburst and I am sorry that-“

“No! No! Please, Aleksander! You have nothing to apologize for-“

“I am sorry that I allowed myself to act that-“

“Please, no-“ you cut him off again, only to be cut off in return.

“Will you just listen? It was no way for me to behave. Especially in front of you. Because if I don’t have your devotion and your trust then I have nothing.” He said firmly and reached down to cup your face in his hands.

His touch was feather-light and he held your face carefully as if you were thin, breakable glass.

“You have my devotion and all of my trust. It was just… new. Genya has nothing to do with it. I’ve just never seen you so… angry. It startled me.” You admitted in a whisper and Aleksander leaned down to rest his forehead against yours.

“My sweet little angel, I do apologize for startling you. Please know that my anger will never be turned on you, it will never be directed towards you. How could I be angry with you? You stand by me so adamantly and so loyally. That is a wonder. A beautiful wonder. I’ve not known such unconditional devotion.”

“That’s because it’s not only unconditional devotion, Aleksander.” You whispered and closed your eyes, your lips trembling under the weight of the words you wished to speak.

“What else is it, then?”

“I am devoted to you, that is the truth. But I don’t regard you with only devotion, Aleksander. This unconditional devotion you speak of is not devotion at all. It is love.” Your voice broke at the end and a single tear rolled down your cheek, “It is love Aleksander. Unconditional love. And I know you don’t wish to say that aloud, but it’s-“

He cut you off yet again, this time with his lips crashing down upon your own.

You received his kiss with a type of reverence that could only be comparable to the kind you give to a God and you returned his action by kissing him back. His fingers curled into your hair and held your face to his as he kissed you with the same reverence, and you could feel past his apology, past the shared reverence. You felt his sorrow and his fear and his devotion to you, all in his kiss. When he finally pulled back to take in a breath of air, he let out the tiniest cry you had ever heard out of his mouth and he clenched his jaw painfully tight.

“What have you done to me, woman?” He asked breathlessly, squeezing his eyes shut.

You opened your mouth to answer but you never got the chance to, because he spoke again before you could.

“I don’t fear things. I am the one to be feared. But I fear losing you. It rattles me down to my very skeleton. I fear losing you the way I should fear death. Tell me what you’ve done to me. Tell me what curse you’ve put on me to leave me in such a haze. Tell me why you have me on my knees for your love. Oh, I want it. I need it. I crave it. Oh, how I want you. I need you. I crave you. You are the light that belongs to the darkness. The Moon needs the shadows to shine. You were meant for me, just as I was meant for you. And oh, my beautiful saint, how I love you.”

You gasped at his words softly and he nudged his nose against your own, and you didn’t notice that you were crying until he was wiping your cheeks dry with his thumbs.

“When we win, when we get out of this victorious and I rise as King, I will make you my queen. I will have you for life. I will marry you, underneath that pretty willow behind the Little Palace, in the dead of night where we can be surrounded by nothing but shadows and moonlight. Isn’t that what we are? Shadows and moonlight?” His tone was hushed and it was devout, as if he were a prophet reading you his favorite scripture.

You brought your own hands up to Aleksander’s face and you cupped it the same way he cupped yours. You wanted to speak, but you weren’t sure if anything would leave your mouth except for sobs, so you let him continue.

“I fall at your feet, Sankta y/n. You are my very own saint to worship, and I will make sure that one day, you are the one they scrawl into the history books and sacred texts. Sankta y/n, summoner of the Moon. My love, my life. You are the one thing that makes me stronger while simultaneously making me weak.”

“That is love, my dear Aleksander.” You cried and he shushed you with a handful of light kisses over your trembling lips.

“That is love.” He echoed, his lips so close to yours that they brushed your bottom lip when he spoke.

The two of you stood in silence for a long time, and he wiped your tears when they fell and you brushed your thumb over the soft skin underneath his eyes.

Finally, he pulled his face away from yours and he looked down into your eyes with an intensity he’d not looked at you with before.

“I mean it. I will make you my queen and marry you underneath the willow behind the Little Palace. Surrounded and adored by Grisha. We will liberate our people and I will spend eternity by your side. My queen of the Moon, the love of my life.”

You nodded once, a small smile tugging the corners of your lips upwards.

“Eternity sounds nice.”

-

In the days following your heart to heart with your Darkling, Aleksander had a Durast make you a ring infused with his mother’s finger bones. Your very own amplifier. He’d slid the dainty gold ring onto your little finger, too, murmuring the entire time about how he’d get you a prettier ring one day and how this one was just a reminder of his promise to marry you. And then he held up his own hand to show you his own little gold ring, sitting upon his little finger as well.

It was a pretty ring. Really. It was gold and made to look like a willow branch, fashioned after the tree he vowed to marry you underneath. He always was one for symbolism.

You sat and admired the metal on your finger while sitting atop the desk in yours and Aleksander’s shared bedroom. Most of the other Grisha that were usually around were out on a mission, and Aleksander was hiding out somewhere, using the tether to provoke Alina, as he so often did. The sound of metal clattering startled you and you slowly climbed off of the desk and walked to your door. You pushed it open and looked around the hallway. No one was there, and no one should have been there to make something fall, that was for certain. You stepped out of your bedroom and eyed the halls once more suspiciously before you shook your head.

“Hello?” You called out, expecting exactly what you got in return, which was silence. You stepped out further into the hall and you began to slowly walk towards the makeshift laboratory to find Vladim, who had likely stayed behind, not one for the organized attack on the Lantsovs. The sudden sound of glass smashing and things clattering to the floor made you freeze in the middle of the hall and you raised your hands up, the unforgivingly cold light of the moon beginning to light up your hands. The strong electric feeling that came along with your new amplifier travelled up your spine and out towards your fingers, sending a bright surge of light up through them.

Out from around the corner, Baghra and Genya walked towards you in tandem. Baghra looked complacent while on the other hand, Genya looked furious. You hadn’t directly looked at Genya since she’d been maimed by the nichevo'ya, and now that you were looking directly at her, you felt a small bit of pity fill your head.

“Stop right there!” You called at the two of them.

Baghra did. Genya did not. Instead, the Tailor marched towards you and you raised your hand up higher as if you were loading an arrow with one hand.

“Genya, I do not want to use my power on you. Stop where you are, now.” You commanded, standing your ground.

She did not reply, and she did not stop, either, until she was nearly three feet away from you.

“Look at me,” She seethed and pointed at her face, “Look at me and know this is your doing. I never thought you’d lose your compassion. Your kindness. But every single day that passes, you become more and more like your Darkling.” She growled and you shook your head.

“You are a fool, Genya Safin.” You breathed and then lowered your hand just a bit, “You are the only one to blame for your misfortune. And when we find David, you’ll be the only one to blame for his misfortunes, too.” You chided and watched a look of worry cross her face.

“You’ve lost your heart.” She said harshly and then jabbed you in the chest with her finger, “You have allowed The Darkling to rip it from your chest and blacken it. We grew up together, Y/n! We served the Queen together! How could you have just turned your back on me? I needed you!” She shouted and you lowered both of your hands entirely.

“My heart is as bountiful as it needs to be. Blackened or not. You betrayed and abandoned the Darkling, therefore you have betrayed and abandoned me.” You said flatly, gazing at her with the same look you’d give a non-compliant child.

“You love a made up man. He will never love you back. He is using you. The same way he used Alina, you’re just too arrogant to believe that you’re being played with. You are but a piece in his infinite game of power.”

She wanted you to doubt him. But you knew better. You saw sides of him that no one else got to, that no one else needed to.

“Don’t make me maim you further, Genya. You might have to find a strength greater than your beauty if you keep pushing me.” You said coldly.

This had her eyes blazing angrily and she reached for you, grabbing onto the lapels of your kefta.

You brought your hand up to shoot a beam of moonlight through her chest, but you were stopped, something cold and clammy tugging your wrist backwards. You looked up to see a thick tendril of shadow around your wrist and you looked at Baghra who now had her own hands raised. You furrowed your brow angrily as you watched the old woman and you went to raise your other hand, and in the struggle you didn’t even see Genya reach up to grab the side of your head until you felt her fingers in your hair. She swung your head near the wall and you pushed back with all your might, but she kept trying to make contact between your head and the wall. You growled in frustration and tried to fight her off with your free hand, but another shadow wrapped itself around your free wrist, and before you could even protest, your head was being slammed ferociously into the wall, and blackness consumed your vision.

-

You weren’t sure how long you had been unconscious, and furthermore, you weren’t even sure of where you were, because when you woke up, you were behind iron bars on a gravel floor. The room around you was dim, and it looked like it had been carved out from a cave. You went to touch the side of your head that throbbed painfully, only to find that your hands were bound and separated by a beam of wood. You let out a frustrated groan and you slammed the wood between your hands against the bars, but it hardly even dented.

“There is absolutely no point in trying, girl. You are getting a taste of what it’s like to be a prisoner.”

You groaned again and lifted your head to see Baghra walk shakily into the space beyond the bars in front of you.

“Mm, abduction is your thing now?” You asked sardonically as you looked up at the scraggly haired woman. A sharp pain shot through the side of your head where you’d been hit and you winced slightly, your vision blurring just temporarily.

“I wasn’t fond of the idea but sometimes we have to do things we aren’t fond of in the name of what’s right.” She answered with a shrug and she sat down on a stool about six feet away from you, and you loathed how there were bars in your way of tackling the woman to the ground.

“So your grand idea is keeping me locked up? And then what? I’m not the threat you think I am.”

“No, not a threat. More like… bait. But I wouldn’t expect you to recognize when you’re being used. You haven’t thus far, why start now?” Baghra droned and your lips twitched angrily.

“Your plan is listless. Aleksander will tear you and anyone else apart to ensure my safe return.”

“You overestimate your importance to my son.”

“On the contrary. I think I underestimate it at times.”

The two of you were locked in an intense stare for a long time before she finally waved her hand dismissively.

“Well, only time can tell.” She conceded and slowly stood up. She didn’t say another word as she exited the room, and you didn’t care to speak either, so instead you watched as she left, sneering in her wake.

You were unsure of how long you sat in silence in that dim little room, but it surely had been a few hours before you heard gravel crunching underneath a pair of footsteps. You looked up spitefully to see Alina standing across the room with a deep frown on her lips, and at her side was unmistakably her little orphan friend, Mal. You eyed the two of them contemptuously and said nothing as Alina approached you. Instead of using the stool Baghra sat upon, the girl knelt in front of the bars and she placed her hands against them, a sadness pooling within her eyes.

“I remember when you saved my life. I’ve always so admired you for that.” She said quietly, wrapping her fingers around the shabby iron bars between the two of you.

You didn’t say anything in return. Instead, you shifted your gaze to the wall adjacent to you and you shook your head once.

“Y/n, I know this is hard to hear, it was for me as well, but you are being used. You are being manipulated. You’re stronger than this, look at you. You harness the power of the moon. Our powers are supposed to work in tandem. We are supposed to work in tandem. Please don’t let your potential be reduced to just another thing Kirigan desecrates and throws aside.” Alina whispered and reached through the bars to touch your arm.

You shied away from her fingers and you looked up at her, staring her down as if she were as maimed as Genya.

“It’s okay to be scared. But I really need you to trust me.” She added and pulled her arm back to her side.

“How long have I been here?” You asked her, looking down at your sore wrists. Surely they were raw by now.

“Almost a week. We had to keep you unconscious until we were sure you were securely… locked up.” She said with a frown.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, laying your bound hands out across your thighs.

“This is ridiculous. You are begging for a death sentence.” You mumbled.

“Right. And so are you and The Darkling. Trust me when I say, we will deliver.” Mal snapped, and it was the first time you’d heard him speak. You eyed the tall, dark haired boy and your lips curled upwards into a little smirk.

“Try, otkazat'sya.” You challenged and you watched Mal’s face darken as he took a step forward.

“She’s hopeless, Alina. He’s fried her head. Whatever friend you knew now belongs to Kirigan. Just do as the old woman says and get her out so we can get going. She won’t help us willingly so she can follow us as our leverage.” Mal remarked stuffily and he crossed his arms over his chest, his dark eyes raking over you in disdain.

“And just where do you think I’ll be following you?” You asked rigidly, looking to Alina this time.

She hesitated in answering, her eyes shifting down to the gravel floor. You could tell she didn’t want to be in this mess, and neither did you. However, you’d be more inclined to be kind to her if her main objective wasn’t to kill your lover.

“We are going to find Morozova’s workshop, and you are coming with us. We hoped as an ally, but Baghra warned us that you might not be so interested in being an ally.”

“Ah. Well, I’ll have to politely decline. I will not be going with you.” You drawled and dug your heels into the gravel beneath your feet.

“You don’t really get a say in the matter.” Mal snapped and you looked up at him through narrowed eyes.

“You sure talk bravely for someone so mortal.” You replied and he took another step forward and raised his thick brows.

“And you sure act like you’re important enough for Kirigan to smite me over so perhaps we are both wrong.” he replied and you watched as Alina reached up and placed a hand on his leg to silence him.

She gave him a sad look and then shook her head a few times.

“Mal.” She warned and then nodded back at you, “She’s not the enemy.”

But you were… weren’t you?

It was probably best for them to keep believing you weren’t, though. Keep yourself unassuming and secure feeling.

You glanced down at your hand and almost let out a breath of relief when you saw your ring still sitting around your finger. The only explanation you had was that they didn’t know it was your amplifier, and if that was the case, you had to keep it that way.

To keep yourself unassuming, indeed.

-

The next few days were uneventful. You had spent most of your time on a horse, your hands still held apart. Your entire body was stiff and at the end of the day when you were allowed off of the horse, walking was a daunting task all on its own.

Hardly anyone said anything important around you, and the journey was quiet and awkward. However, the night before last- the first night of your journey- you had heard Alina speaking to Mal and Baghra when they believed you to be asleep. It wasn’t of much importance, but she did say that Aleksander had been the most unstable she’d ever seen him the last time she reached out to him through the tether. Baghra had assured her that they were not going to be stopped by him, but Alina seemed on edge and quietly tried to suggest leaving you behind to find your way back to him.

That was the night you had started trying to create your own tether with Aleksander. It’s mostly all you had put your energy into for the last few days, desperate to hear his voice at the very least. You weren’t afraid that anyone was going to hurt you. Alina wouldn’t in spite of her big heart, Baghra wouldn’t because you knew deep down she knew you cared fiercely for her son, and Mal… you weren’t sure about. But he didn’t scare you. If anything, he just vexed you beyond all reason.

The two others led their horses on foot while Mal was pulling the one you were on. He hadn’t so much as looked at you once that day. Bitter little orphan.

“You know, if you spent even half as much time smiling as you did brooding and being a grump, you might actually start to have the inkling of a personality.” You remarked down at the boy. At first you thought he was going to ignore you some more, but you watched in surprise as he shook his head.

“I’ll take brooding and grumpy over being The Darkling’s zealot, time and time again.” He replied, not looking over his shoulder at you once.

You rolled your eyes and wished you could kick him in the back, and you willed him to come a little closer to the horse so that you could. But he never did, much to your disappointment.

“I believe my feelings for him to be no different than your own for Alina. I mean, we’re both putting our trust and loyalty into something otherworldly. The only difference is, this side of the world has never scared me as it has you.” You remarked, feeling a sense of accomplishment when you watched his fist tighten on the reins.

He said nothing for a while, the only sound now was Baghra and Alina chatting ahead and the sound of twigs and gravel crunching underneath your horse’s hooves. You didn’t expect him to speak again, so you closed your eyes and prepared yourself to connect with Aleksander once again.

Mal’s voice stopped you.

“At the risk of feeding into your delusion, I believe that we are entirely different. Look, I know you aren’t a bad person. His crimes aren’t on your hands, Alina tells me of your kindness when she came to the palace. How could you have betrayed her after saving her life?”

“I didn’t betray Alina. I simply chose my side, just as she chose hers. That doesn’t… I don’t have to justify myself to you, boy. You know as well as I do that when you care deeply for someone, a lot of things such as reason or morality tend to fade into grey little lines that are easily blurred.” You remarked.

This time he really didn’t answer. And you were fine with that.

You closed your eyes again and went back into your mind, doing everything you could to find a way to Aleksander. You almost groaned with frustration nearly half an hour later when nothing had happened.

You both had Baghra’s bones as an amplifier. You both wore the same thin gold rings on your littlest fingers. Surely that had to be enough.

It didn’t seem as if it was, though.

You wanted to reach for your ring, but the bar between your hands stopped you and you frowned and clenched your fists tightly, balling them up against your thighs. You took a deep breath and decided to try again.

You closed your eyes slowly and focused on the band around your pinky finger. You focused on how it was cold, how the patterns on it pressed against the side of your ring finger. You felt a small buzz at the very back of your mind and you grit your teeth and chased it, breathing heavily. You focused on him. The thought of him, the feeling of his hand against yours, the sound of his voice, and the starless black glittering of his eyes. The blankness behind your eyes began to shift into something blurry and misshapen. It focused and refocused hundreds of times before the picture in your mind became the blurry from your shared bedroom.

Your stomach filled with warm anticipation and you took a long, deep breath and willed yourself into the room. The second you moved forward into the room, it was as if everything around you changed. You could no longer feel your sore body nor could you feel the horse beneath you. The air felt warm and soothing against your cheeks, and it was a different feeling than the chilly air that had been biting at your face for the past few days. Your steps were soundless as you moved further into the room and your eyes fell on Aleksander as he stood by his window. His hands were gripping the windowsill so tightly that the skin over his knuckles was pulled taut and colored white. His hands shook underneath the intense pressure of which he held the windowsill with and you didn’t have to see his face to know his jaw was clenched.

You spoke his name, but the sound seemed to get lost, because you didn’t hear it, and he didn’t seem to either. You felt a twinge of disappointment and you took a long breath and refocused completely on him, speaking his name again.

This time, you could hear it. It sounded like a faint, distorted echo. One that he still couldn’t seem to hear.

You clenched your fists as tightly as you could and you focused on the ring on your finger, on the man in front of you, on the very emotional connection you two shared, and you finally spoke his name one more time.

Your voice was fully audible to your own ears now, and you had definitely gotten his attention, because he spun around from the window and his eyes fixed themselves on you. There was a vast collection of emotions that flickered through his eyes, ranging from surprise, to relief, worry, anger, and then finally something else that you couldn’t name at first but you eventually came to recognize it as guilt and sadness.

“Y/n.” He breathed and strode towards you determinedly. He reached out to pull you towards him, but his hand only went right through you.

It took him just a moment to recover from the confused look that painted itself over his face, but when he did, his eyes flooded with realization.

“You aren’t here. Not really.” He whispered sadly, his big, dark eyes glossing over with a layer of unshed tears.

“No. But I’ve been trying to reach out to you this way for days, and I haven’t been able to. This is the first time it’s worked!” You exclaimed excitedly and then you smiled up at him.

He did his best to give you a proud smile, but you could see there was a heavy sorrow lingering in his eyes.

“Oh, you’re such an intelligent girl. So gifted.” He said softly.

You wanted to touch him. You wanted him to take you in his arms. You missed him.

“Aleksander, I don’t like being away from you.” You whispered and you watched him shatter before you with those words.

He closed his eyes and reached up to rub them with the sides of his hands and he let out a slow sigh.

“My darling, where are you? I will find you and I will bring you home. I will kill anyone who stands in my way; anyone who tries to stop me.” His face was almost pained and you frowned.

“I don’t know where we are. I just know we have set out to find Morozova’s workshop.” You stated.

Exhaustion started to seep into your head and you were finding it hard to keep the connection going. You knew you were not as powerful as Alina and Aleksander, and this was taking almost all of the energy and power you had, and it didn’t help that you couldn’t even use your hands.

“We? Who is we? Who is with you?” He asked sharply and he leaned closer to you. His eyes studied your face and he frowned, “Angel, you look so tired. You need your rest, this must be taking so much out of you.” He whispered and you shook your head.

You struggled to piece your thoughts together so that you could answer him, but eventually you pushed through and were able to elaborate.

“We… Alina, Mal, Baghra.” You mumbled.

He gave you a little nod and then he frowned even more. He looked as if your struggle pained him.

And it did.

Seeing you this way pained him more than he cared to admit, and the week without you had been one of the hardest of his entire life. It was as if he could feel every single second passing. All he could do is hope that his Grisha would find you, hope that you were safe, and then fantasize about how he would enact painful revenge on anyone who dared lay their hands on you. He would have his revenge on those who took you away from him.

“Darling, stop trying to keep the connection going. You’ve done so much already, and I am so proud of you. Seeing that you are unharmed is the greatest relief to me at this moment. Rest now, don’t exhaust yourself. I will find you, everything is going to be alright. Do you trust me?” He asked softly and gazed down upon your face.

You gave him a nod and he gave you a watery smile in return.

“Sweet little girl, you have made me so proud today. I love you. Know that I will find you. I swear it.” He vowed in a whisper and you looked into his eyes one last time before you felt the connection slip.

It was like a rope, pulled in two different directions being cut in the middle. Your eyes snapped open instantly and you gasped, nearly falling off of the horse. You steadied yourself quickly and you had to readjust to the brightness of the outdoors. You blinked a few times and looked around to see that you had stopped moving, and Mal was staring up at you, along with Baghra and Alina.

Alina looked a bit paler and she turned to Baghra with a worried expression.

“I knew this was not a good idea, Baghra. I-“

Baghra cut her off with a wave of her hand and she eyed you contemptuously, her beady eyes fixing themselves on you in an accusatory way.

“You, too, can connect with my son it seems.”

You didn’t respond, instead you jutted your chin out as if you were an indignant child and you looked away from them, gazing off over to your left.

“Foolish girl. You think he’s going to save you? He won’t give himself up, even for you.” Baghra said haughtily and you shook your head once, not saying anything.

“Look, we need to get inside.” Mal stated and then looked up at you, “But she can’t come. If she’s able to speak with Kirigan then she can’t be anywhere near whatever is in there. Then whatever we find out, so does he.”

You snorted and looked back over at the three of them.

“What was the point in bringing me, then? This was easily a three person job. I think, Baghra, that deep down, you did expect Aleksander to come for me. You wanted to isolate him from his Grisha out in the middle of nowhere, then you would’ve had your chance to stop him. But now that he hasn’t come, you are flailing.” You theorized and then you shook your head with contempt.

No one said anything for a long time. You knew you were right. They knew you were right. No one wanted to speak. Baghra didn’t want to admit her idea had been a farce, Alina was anxious, and perhaps Mal just had nothing to say.

But as usual, the boy finally did find something to say.

“Get down.” He commanded and you held your hands up and shook them a few times.

“Can’t really dismount a horse on my own without my hands.” You said in a bored tone, and Mal scoffed in annoyance, but his irritation didn’t stop him from reaching up and grabbing your waist. He easily lifted you off of the horse, and instead of setting you on your feet, he gingerly dropped you before making sure you were steady.

You fell onto your knees in the fallen leaves and the dirt and you winced. You didn’t have even a moment to recover and stand before Mal grabbed you by your upper arms and dragged you to a tree next to a large rock. He pushed your side up against the tree and you yelped, the rough bark biting into your cheek.

“Give me the rope.” He instructed and Alina hesitated for a moment before she reluctantly untied one of the ropes from one of the horses and brought it over to Mal.

You looked up at the tall, lanky boy and you shook your head.

“Just let me go. You don’t need me, I don’t need any of you. Please.” You said exasperatedly and he gave you a hard look before he pushed you down onto your knees. Your knee collided with one of the tree’s protruding roots and you groaned quietly, leaning your head up against the side of the tree.

Mal looped the end of the rope up underneath one of your shackles and knotted it many times before he tied the other end around the slender tree. He gave the rope a hard tug and when it didn’t budge, he stepped back and looked down at you with disgust.

You mirrored his expression to a T and then sneered.

Your eyes wandered past him and you looked at what seemed to be large rock formation on the side of a hill, but upon closer examination, there was a door. It was much like the stone doors you’d find at a tomb, and there were branches and vines shrouding the entryway. Small stone steps led up to the door and your three delightful travel companions slowly turned away from you and walked towards the workshop.

You looked down at your raw wrists and you gave the rope a few sharp little tugs before you let out a grunt and leaned your back up against the tree. You needed Aleksander. You needed to speak to him again. If only you weren’t so damn exhausted.

Your entire body ached and you could hear Baghra speaking faintly behind you. You closed your eyes as tightly as you could and tried to muster enough energy to connect with your lover once again.

You couldn’t.

You opened your eyes after a while and realized that you couldn’t hear anyone any longer, and you turned to look over your shoulder to see that Mal, Alina, and Baghra had disappeared. Likely into the workshop. You scooted over in the dirt and leaves until you were up against the rock and you laid your arms down on top of it and laid your head against your arms as if you were laying your head upon a desk. You stretched your hand out a bit and then felt something sharp catch your palm.

“Ouch!” You hissed and sat up. You glanced down at a rather sharp edge on the rock and then looked down at your now bleeding palm that had been sliced open. You slowly turned your head back towards the sharp, serrated edge of the rock and then you glanced at your shackles. You quickly rose up on your knees and leaned over the side of the rock and brought the middle of the wooden beam down on the sharp edge of the rock. You pushed down against it with all of your might and began to drag it back and forth rapidly, trying to saw through the wood. After a few grueling moments of this, you stopped and let out a little whimper.

Your wrists were raw and sore against their metal shackles and your arms ached terribly. But you had made some progress. The rock had indeed began to cut into the wood and there was a small split in the wooden beam, about one quarter of an inch deep. Staring at the split in the wood filled you with determination and you brought the beam back down on the edge of the rock and continued to drag it back and forth as hard and as fast as you could. Your wrists protested with every movement, but you didn’t stop.

You had almost gotten past cutting halfway through the beam when the scraping of stone stopped you. You quickly scrambled back down on the ground as if you were sitting there the entire time and you stayed still and silent. After a moment, you turned to see Mal and Baghra standing in front of the workshop. Baghra passed Mal a blade and you tried to make out what they were saying but couldn’t hear anything more than their faint vocal tones. You watched as Baghra cut Mal on his hand and he slowly turned and pressed his hand against the stone door, which slid shut. Mal jumped back, startled, and he slowly stepped away from Baghra and the door, looking frantic.

You turned your attention away from the two of them and instead looked back at the wooden beam that held your hands apart. You pursed your lips and you put the beam over your knee and tried to snap it, pulling your wrists down as hard as you could before you let out a shriek and stopped immediately, your wrists now bleeding from all of the friction against your raw skin.

You heard Alina cry out from inside the workshop and you turned to watch Mal dash inside. Baghra didn’t follow. Instead she came towards you hurriedly. She used the blade in her hands to cut the rope off of the tree and she grabbed your arm.

“Come with me, girl.” She said flatly and pulled you to your feet.

You complied silently and glanced at the severance in the wooden beam. All you had to do was wait for the right moment. You followed Baghra inside of the workshop and the two of you joined Mal in the doorway to one of the rooms.

Mal went to run for Alina, but with the hand she didn’t have on you, Baghra grabbed onto Mal with and she shook her head.

“Don’t break the connection!” She commanded.

“You said she’s not strong enough to face him!” Mal protested.

You looked past Mal to see Alina surrounded by an electric blue light and you widened your eyes. Aleksander was here.

“Exactly.” Baghra said to Mal calmly and stepped in front of him, leaving you behind.

You eyed Baghra warily as she grabbed a torch off of the wall and walked towards Alina, who was struggling against the wall, held there by the telepathic presence of Aleksander.

“I will end this once and for all. Once I’ve killed my son, my time here is done.” Baghra said sternly and tossed the torch into a bin of scrolls, “All this goes with me.” She finished and you let out a wail.

“You’re heartless!” You cried out, realizing what she was about to attempt to do, “He is your son, Baghra!” You screamed and tried to run at her, but Mal stopped you and pushed you down to the floor, where you landed in a graceless heap of limbs.

“You know what you have to do. And close the door on your way out.” Baghra said to Mal as the room began to go up in flames, “And leave the Moon Summoner here with me.”

Baghra approached Alina and you slowly sat up and turned to the shackles on your wrists. You had to break out of them, there was no question about it now. You began to slam the split in the wood against the rock walls and you let out a scream that was born of pain and determination.

Alina dashed past you, and you assumed Baghra had freed her from Aleksander, and Mal was now dragging her out of the workshop, trying to convince her to leave Baghra behind. The old woman now stood at the far side of the room in a trance, her head tipped upwards in focus.

“The Firebird!” Alina said in a panic and jumped towards the burning table.

“I know where the Firebird is!” Mal shouted, “We have to go!” He said and yanked her towards the door.

“No! Y/n, Mal we can’t leave her!” She cried and you looked up at Alina who was standing a few yards away from you, trying to break free of Mal’s grasp.

“Alina, cut your losses. She is not your friend, we need to go!”

You eyed her sadly and you let out a little sniffle, looking up at her. The room grew hotter as the flames grew closer to you and you shook your head once, looking down at the floor.

“Mal, she’s innocent, please!”

But her begging was futile, because Mal only gave you one last look, a cocky little sneer, and then yanked Alina from the workshop.

You heard the scraping of stone and knew that the door had been closed.

You cried out in frustration, tears pooling in your eyes and you banged the wooden beam against the wall, even harder now. You didn’t realize you were screaming until your throat felt hoarse and you coughed, smoke filling your lungs.

This couldn’t be how you died. You refused. But your body had different plans. Exhaustion washed over you, trying to pull you into its sea. You were so tired. Everything hurt. You were almost tempted to lay down and let the warm flames consume you until you remembered Baghra. She was aiming to kill Aleksander.

With one final burst of determined energy, you slammed the beam down on the jagged edge of the wall a few more times before you heard a snap. You looked down at your hands to find them separated. Still shackled, but separated.

Quickly, you scrambled upwards with a burst of adrenaline just in time to see Baghra collapse. She turned her head slowly and her eyes met yours, blood dribbling from the corner of her lips.

“Stupid girl. Though it will never be enough, thank you for loving my stupid boy.” She murmured, and you could hardly hear her over the roar of the fire.

You looked down at her in disgust and you shook your head.

“One of us had to.” You spat and then you brought your right hand up to your lips. You placed a little kiss on the gold ring upon your little finger and then you let out an ear shattering yell, bringing your hands together in a sharp clap that resonated even louder than the fire.

Silver light flooded the entire workshop and turned each flame into a blazing beam of the moon. You held your hands together and squinted to see, but within seconds, there was nothing but bright, bright light and then an earth shaking crash.

You fell to your knees dizzily, unsure of what just happened and your eyes rolled backwards into your head as you slumped sideways and finally let your exhaustion drag you away from the present.

-

There was a loud ringing in your ears, and you could feel a cool breeze dusting across your cheeks. Your throat was dry and your tongue was like sandpaper against the top of your mouth. You willed yourself to open your eyes and you stared straight up at the grey sky above you.

Your body was sore everywhere, but you couldn’t ignore the tingling, electric sensation that coursed through your veins. You weakly pushed yourself up and felt rubble tumble off of your chest as you did. The workshop laid in ruins around you and there were still little traces of silvery light, fizzling out slowly like smothered flames. You took in the ruin around you and you blinked a few times.

You did this. You had destroyed this entire cavelike workshop. You would’ve been a bit more giddy if you weren’t covered in bleeding cuts and sensitive bruises. A strange sense of pride swelled in your chest and you very slowly hoisted yourself up with a grunt, grabbing onto a fragment that remained of the wall to steady yourself. You looked around the mess slowly and your eyes settled on a hand that protruded out from underneath a pile of stone.

Baghra.

You stared down at her for a long time and then finally you tore your eyes away from her rock burial.

If she was dead, it could mean two things. Aleksander’s mother had killed him, or he had killed his mother.

With a grunt, you walked away from the ruins of the workshop and approached the nearest tree. You leaned heavily up against it and took a few long, deep breaths before you closed your eyes and reached up awkwardly to hold onto your ring with your opposite hand.

It was much easier this time to establish a connection with Aleksander, you simply pictured him in your mind and let your power do the rest. When you opened your eyes, you stood behind him in what appeared to be a tent. He was hunched over on his knees and seemed to be in pain, but you couldn’t deny the relief you felt to know that he was alive.

“Aleksander.” You breathed.

You knew he had heard you by the way his head perked up a bit, but he didn’t turn towards you.

“Sweet Moon Saint. Are you really there or have you come back through my head?” He asked in a low, ragged tone.

“I’m not there. Not yet. I just had to know if you were alive.” You said quietly and watched as his shoulders rolled back a bit. He never did turn around, though.

“Mm, alive, yes. I was very worried about you. My mother told me you were going to die for my sins. It seems ironic to me that now she’s the only one that’s perished for them.” He said in a deadpan.

“My love, where can I find you?” You asked softly and he let out a sigh.

“You sound terrible. You sound tired. You sound hoarse. What have they done to you?” He asked, hanging his head.

“I am fine, Aleksander. Please, I need to come to you. Tell me where you are.” You pleaded and he very slowly turned his head toward you.

“Keramzin. You’ll find my encampment. Please, please my love, do not leave me alone on this earth. Fight tooth and nail if you must, but return to me. You must return to me.”

“I will.” You promised.

Always.

-

The journey to Keramzin had been a brief one, and you were thankful for that. You weren’t sure how your body hadn’t given out, but after hobbling through the mountains for nearly a day, you came across a little farm and stole a horse from its stables.

After that, it was a straight shot. You made it to Keramzin in only six days and it was easy to locate Aleksander’s camp. You slowly rode up on your horse towards the camp, and two large Heartrenders ran towards you to stop you before recognition crossed their faces. They both bowed their heads to you and whispered your name.

Sankta Y/n.

Your hair was in tangles and your face was polluted with dried blood and dirt and your kefta and dress were torn and caked with mud. You looked terrible.

But you also looked formidable.

Perched high upon your horse, broken shackles still around your wrists, wounded, but sitting straight with your shoulders squared nonetheless.

“Take me to The General.” You commanded and slid off of the horse, landing on your feet, a painful shock going through your entire body as you hit the ground.

You followed the two Heartrenders through the field and around a handful of tents before you saw him. His back was turned to you and he stood at the precipice of a dead little meadow, and across from this meadow was a shabby home. Likely an orphanage or an inn, you reasoned. Fruzsi stood a few paces behind him, and as you approached, she turned around and let out a gasp. Your eyes met hers and she bowed her head immediately.

“You’ve returned.” She said softly, relief evident in her tone.

“I always will.” You said gauntly and then stepped past her.

You continued on towards Aleksander, and when you reached him, you slid your hands around his arm and fastened yourself to his side before you completely leaned against him, your legs giving out.

He didn’t even need to look at you, he recognized your touch the second you grabbed his arm. He turned towards you and in one swift movement, hooked an arm underneath your knees and lifted you off of the ground and into his arms.

Silently, you wrapped your arms around his neck and tucked your face in the spot between his shoulder and his throat, breathing in his scent. He wordlessly tightened his grip on you and he buried his face in your hair. The two of you stayed like that for a very long time, silent. The only sounds between the two of you were sighs, sharp inhales, and exhales.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Aleksander moved his face away from your hair and he gazed down at you as you laid in his arms, weary.

“I love you.” He whispered, dipping his head down so that he was close to your face.

You turned your head so that you could look up at him properly and you leaned up to nudge your nose against his.

“Aleksander.” You whimpered and he nodded once.

“I know. Never again. You will never be away from my side again.” He promised and you gave him a little nod, your eyelids growing heavy.

He watched as you fought to stay awake in his arms and he turned towards the crowd of his Grisha. He glanced at Fruzsi and then he jerked his head towards his tent, “Draw the Moon Summoner a bath immediately. Have an Inferni heat it. Get me a Durast so we can get these dreadful things off of her wrists. Waste no time, she is in pain.” He ordered and Fruzsi ran off in a frenzy.

Within only half an hour, you already had a Durast remove the shackles from your wrists safely and you now sat in a deep metal bathtub, filled with hot water. Aleksander knelt by the side of the tub and kept his eyes on you the entire time you laid in the water. You looked over at him and he reached up towards you slowly to tuck a piece of damp hair behind your ear.

“Aleksander, what did your mother do? When she claimed she was going to kill you.” You asked quietly.

He sucked in a deep breath for a long time before he blew it out and then he gave you a very small, very sad smile.

“She told me she was going to burn you alive, then she… permanently severed the connection between Alina and I.” He answered and then held up his right hand.

It was deep grey and glinted metallically in the low light of his tent. You stared at it for a moment before you looked up at him, a little frown tugging your lips downwards.

“I should have stopped her, Aleksander, I’m so sorry-“

“Do not. No. You will not apologize. You couldn’t have done anything. Judging from your state now and even when you called on me the second time, you were in no condition to stop her. I am simply grateful that you are alive and you have returned to me.” He explained in a soft voice and you reached out of the tub to gently take his new hand in your own.

You intertwined your fingers with his and you closed your eyes, leaning your head back against the edge of the metal tub. He allowed you to hold his hand for only a few minutes before he pulled away from you and stood up. You opened your eyes and looked up at him as he shed his kefta and a few other layers until he was only in his base shirt, a loose fitting black shirt made of silk. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and he knelt back down next to you and he held his hand out to you and nodded towards it.

“Hand me the cloth, my dear.” He instructed softly and you reached down into the water to search for the cloth that had been in the tub with you. You found it a moment later and then brought it out of the water, wringing the excess water out of it, and you dropped it in his hand.

He made a pleased humming sound and he grabbed your arm and lifted it up towards him. With a touch as soft and light as the silk of his shirt, he began to clean your skin with the cloth.

You watched his scarred face as he bathed you, and the sight broke your heart in the best way. He looked so serene and so peaceful, making his features softer and you swore you had caught a glimpse of boyish innocence in the sincerity on his face. The world had been so cruel to him for five centuries, and despite it all, he’d allowed himself to love you; allowed you to love him.

Your eyes glittered with tears and they began to fall freely down your cheeks while you watched him wash your arms and your legs, being especially tender with the places that had little bruises or scrapes. His touches were usually selfish, driven by his own need to have you close to him, but as he touched you now, there was nothing but selflessness behind his actions. When he moved up with the intent to clean your face, your tears made his face fall as he shook his head.

“As beautifully as you cry, I have half a mind to let you continue, however, the sight breaks my heart. What pains you?” He asked softly and reached up with the cloth to very carefully wipe at your face.

“It is not pain. You are my greatest accomplishment.” You whispered and leaned into his hand as he wiped your cheek, “You are the best thing that I will have ever known in this life.” You added, your lips trembling as you forced them up into a smile.

He stilled his movement and he looked down into your eyes and simply shook his head before he went back to washing you. Once he had finished cleaning you up and washing your hair, he stood up and rolled his sleeves back down. He pulled all of his shed clothes back on, along with his kefta and he grabbed a large, thick towel off of the table he stood near. He came back to the tub and held it open, looking down at you.

“Can you stand, darling?” He asked softly and you nodded. You grabbed the edges of the tub and very slowly pulled yourself up.

Before you could even step out of the tub, Aleksander wrapped the towel around your upper body and lifted you out of the water. Your bare legs broke out in goosebumps and you held onto his shoulders as he carried you to his bed. Once he sat you down, he readjusted the towel around your body and he knelt in front of you.

“You claim I am your greatest accomplishment. The best thing you’ll know. But you are mine. My greatest accomplishment, the best thing I’ll ever know. My peace. My sweet peace in the middle of the turmoil and chaos that is my long life. You are the truest kindness I’ve ever been shown, and whatever sent you to me knows I don’t deserve you, but Saints, I will try everyday.” He murmured and laid his head down against your thighs as he knelt before you.

You reached up and threaded your fingers through his hair and stroked it gently.

You looked down at him as he laid on your thighs and your chest ached with adoration for the man that was before you. No one else mattered anymore, how could they?

Alina had told you that you and her were meant to operate in tandem, but the sunlight is no place for the moon, and moonlight has no business with the sun.

No, you and the Sun Summoner had no business working alongside one another, because Aleksander had been right when he said that the moon needs the darkness to shine.

Moonlight needs shadows.

-

In all your life, you’d never imagined your death.

You’d never felt as if you’d die.

But you probably wouldn’t ever have imagined it would happen this way.

You stood by Aleksander’s side in the middle of The Fold. Alina and Mal had created a bubble around them, keeping the volcra out. Keeping the darkness out. Your hand was tightly closed around Aleksander’s and you held a bright beam of moonlight in your other hand, eyes fixed on Mal and Alina.

It all had happened so fast.

One moment Aleksander was pulling you against his side and Mal was shooting at the creatures of darkness that threatened to come in and wreak havoc inside the little bubble of light. The next moment, you were making eye contact with Mal. His face twisted in a feral anger, and he spun his gun towards you and shot it just as Aleksander dropped your hand to summon his Cut.

You didn’t even realize you’d been shot until warmth began to spread over your chest. You looked down to see the silver embroidery on your black kefta turning red with your blood, and that’s when you felt the pain. A hot, sharp ache bloomed through your chest and you fell backwards, head thumping against the sand. You’d been shot in the place between both of your collarbones, between the tiniest opening in your bulletproof kefta.

How capricious this universe can be, you thought.

Everything around you seemed like it was happening underwater, and you felt something shift next to you. You very slowly turned your head to see Aleksander on the ground next to you, clutching his side. He had been wounded, too. By what? You weren’t sure.

You closed your eyes and focused on your breathing- if you could even call it that. Every breath you took felt shorter and shorter and you were losing awareness rapidly.

It took you a moment to register that your name was being screamed and you opened your eyes to see a blurry Aleksander knelt over you. Light of pink and blue was swirling around everywhere and he pulled you up into his arms as if you were a child and he cradled you against his chest as he rose to his feet. The world became brighter and brighter around you until there was no trace of shadow.

The Fold had fallen.

You weakly grabbed at Aleksander’s kefta as he held you and your eyes grew hot and burned with fat tears.

“Aleksander,” you whispered weakly and let out a pathetic, weak sounding sob, “Please do not let me die, I don’t want to die. Please, I don’t want to die.” You begged, and you watched his face contort painfully.

He ground his teeth together as he looked down at you and his own tears threatened to fall.

“You are not going to die, do you hear me? Everything will be alright. You’ll still be my queen, wed under the willow at midnight. Remember?”

You did remember and you wanted to tell him you remembered but your mouth didn’t seem to want to form the words and your head didn’t move when you willed yourself to nod.

He let out a broken choking noise and he shook his head rigorously.

“Don’t you dare. Do not leave me alone on this earth. Y/n! Don’t do it!” He called and sunk to his knees.

Your head weakly rolled backwards and he grabbed your jaw gently, forcing you to look up at him.

“Please. Do not go this way, my love. It is not your time to go.” He whimpered and you shakily reached up and laid your hand on top of his as he held your jaw.

“You… are my greatest accomplishment. The best thing that I have ever known in this life.” You mumbled and gave him a weak smile.

“Your life is not over!” He protested and then he pulled your head up to his, resting his forehead against yours, “You are too young, my love. You are meant to live centuries at my side. Please, I know you’re strong, I need you to…” he trailed off and stared down at you as you cried. He wanted to beg you to fight, but the look on your face stopped him.

Your face was full of fear and you were shaking in his arms.

He knew you weren’t going to survive, and filling you with that false hope was not fair. Was he even going to survive? Likely not. He was a selfish person, but he couldn’t be selfish with you. Letting you die in fear because he begged you to hold on wasn’t fair. He couldn’t be selfish now. Not while you slipped away in his arms. His chest ached in a way he never wished to feel again, and hopefully he wouldn’t have to. He placed one kiss against your lips and bumped the tip of his nose against yours.

“It’s okay, my beautiful moonbeam. You can let go. Close your eyes, angel. Close your eyes and let go, it’s okay. I won’t let go of you.” He whispered, his own tears falling onto your cheeks.

“I love you. I’m so proud of you.” You breathed, your hand weakly falling away from his.

“And I love you, little love. Rest now. No one can ever hurt you again. It’s okay to just rest.” He said, barely above a whisper. Your tears and his mixed together on your face and you closed your eyes slowly.

With the last bit of strength you had in your body, you moved up just slightly and pressed your lips against his, and you did your best to muffle the sob that came from his mouth with your own.

A bittersweet smile crossed your lips as you moved away from his lips and you laid your head comfortably against his arm.

“My love, my life.” You murmured and he took a sharp intake of air to prevent himself from crying more.

He knelt there on the sanded ground with you until he watched you draw your last breath and he leaned down to kiss your forehead, painfully aware of all of the eyes on his back.

“My love, my life.” He repeated against your skin.

He very carefully laid your body out over the sand and rose to his feet, turning to stare at Alina blankly. He looked over at Mal as he laid unmoving and Aleksander held his hand over his wound as he stood straight up.

“Now… you know sacrifice.” He breathed and watched Alina carefully.

Alina eyed him and then glanced at your lifeless body on the ground.

“I believe you do, too.” She spoke in a firm tone, “And look what said sacrifice did.”

“Indeed.” Aleksander replied blankly, willing himself to keep his eyes off of you, “Look what it did.”

Tears gathered in her eyes and she nodded once at him.

“Mal and I changed the world.” She said tearfully, a little smile on her face, “We tore down your Shadow Fold.”

“You have my sympathies for what comes next. When you realize that what you’ve done solves nothing. The world doesn’t need a Saint to protect it-“

“But you needed one. You just had to have a Saint. And look where it got her. Perhaps the world doesn’t need a Saint, but look what you have done to yours.” Alina shouted and pointed at you.

His eyes wandered towards you and he shook his head, holding his hand over the gash in his side caused by Alina’s Cut.

“Your Firebird did this. Not I.”

“No, she is dead because of the choices you made.” Alina stated, shaking her head just once.

“Choices you, too, will make in time.”

Alina jutted her chin up into the air and she balled her fists at her sides.

“I will never walk your path. And if you hadn’t carried her down it, she would never have walked yours either.”

“I know you believe that now-“ Aleksander stepped forward and let out a groan, holding his side with both hands, “But soon, you’ll have no equal. The years spent alone will grind you down, they will harden you. And who will be there to shield you from it? Who will be there to save you? I could have. Y/n could have.“

There was a long pause shared between the two of them, and Alina grasped his shoulder when Aleksander approached her unsteadily, still clasping his wound.

“I will save myself. Your legacy is already written. It always has been. No amount of love for or from a girl could save you from that truth. There is no redemption.” She gave his shoulder a hard shove and he fell to his knees in pain.

He let out a long, gasping growl, and one of his nichevo'ya poured out from his back, taking on a sinister form behind his kneeling body.

The creature grabbed Alina, by the throat and lifted her up and when Aleksander tried to stop it, the creature flung him backwards.

A blade came flying through the air and pierced the shadow form, sending it scattering into the air, and Alina fell from its grip. Aleksander pulled himself up off of the ground at the same time as Alina rose to her knees and he grunted.

He walked towards her and offered her his hand.

“You can’t control them, can you?” She asked shakily, “You can’t control any of it.”

“I thought I could control it all once.” He spoke and Alina eyed his outstretched hand as if it were a venomous snake and he continued on, a tear rolling down his cheek, “Find peace. And for a moment…” his eyes fell shut and he tipped his face up towards the sky, “I swear I did.”

He inhaled shakily and his mind flickered to you. Every little moment with you seemed to rise to the forefront of his mind. The first night he held you and lulled you to sleep, the night of the winter fete when you promised to stand with him forever, the afternoon just mere weeks ago when you two had whispered your first and most meaningful “i love you”s. Tears were steadily falling down his cheeks now, slipping through his closed eyelids while your sweet voice filled his ears, calling his name, singing him praises. In his mind, you weren’t laying on the sand with a bullet in your chest. Instead you were laying underneath the moonlit, starry sky with him, in a world where forever meant forever.

Not here. Not in this cruel place where you had to be the atonement for all his wrongdoing; the price he paid for the sins he committed.

This world was no place for you. He swore you were his Saint but as he imagined felt your touch on his face there in the middle of what used to be his Fold, he began to wonder if really you were an embodiment of The Moon itself. Graceful and beautiful in all endeavors.

He could hear you calling for him and he leaned forward to meet your call, further, further…

Until he could lean further no more because a blade had pierced his abdomen.

He laid his hands on top of Alina’s as she held the sword in his stomach and he looked up into her eyes as black blood fell from his lips.

“Thank you.” He mouthed.

She gave him one nod and withdrew her blade, sending him falling backwards onto the sand next to you.

He heard you call for him again, and you were closer this time, and he was ready to answer your call.

Alina stood over him and he let out a little cough before he sucked in whatever breath he could to speak.

“Alina. You make sure there is nothing left of me. But her… please see to it that she is buried underneath the willow tree just behind the Little Palace. Please. She deserves that much. Make sure she’s remembered as a Saint.” He begged, giving the Sun Summoner a little nod.

She gave him one nod in return and pursed her lips.

“For her, Aleksander. Not for you.” She whispered and he gave her a weak smile before he looked past her, up at the sky above.

“I hear her.” He breathed. And it was true. Your voice rang in his ears, singing his name.

“Go to her.” Alina commanded quietly, her voice softening only slightly.

So he did.

[wntrsnat]

Was Natasha a kid when she met Bucky?

It’s a widespread misconception outside of winterwidow fandom that Bucky and Natasha have known each other since she was a kid. I’ve seen a handful of people object to their relationship for this reason or (sometimes in a humorous manner) comment on how weird it is. And I'd have to agree with them. Bucky dating Natasha despite having trained her since she was a child would have been utterly inappropriate, if not immoral and disgusting. However, the assumption is not only incorrect but also fundamentally impossible.

Let’s go back to the beginning to clarify why that assumption is fundamentally impossible. Different universes equal different realities, and different realities equal different characters. Sometimes characters' counterparts across multiple realities only differ in details, not the basics. MCU characters have a similar correlation with their What If counterparts but not comics’ ones, which is a grave mistake cinematic fans make. I believe that’s why we have this absurd assumption as well, from someone thinking that 616 Black Widow and Winter Soldier are the same age as their more famous counterparts.

MCU’s Natasha Romanoff was born in 1984, and Bucky – 1917. Thus, an adult-kid dynamic is plausible. If we consider cryostasis, Bucky was still pushing 30 when Natasha was born. The situation, however, is significantly different for their 616 counterparts. Let’s start with Earth 616’s Bucky Barnes, who was born in 1925, making him nearly a decade younger than the cinematic one. But that isn’t what disproves the aforementioned belief. What disproves it is that Earth 616’s Natasha Romanoff was born around 1928, making her 56 years older than her cinematic counterpart and just 3 years younger than 616 Bucky. You will find this information on the following page from Black Widow: Deadly Origin, a 2009–2010 graphic novel (which I will be using as a basis today):

This alone debunks the adult/child misconception, but I want to go one step further and discuss the timeline of Natasha's time in the Red Room and the early years of the Winter Soldier.

At the young age of 20, Bucky Barnes "died" alongside Captain America in late 1945, in last days of the war. The Russian submarine discovered Bucky's preserved body after the war while hoping to retrieve Captain America’s remains. And with that, the Winter Soldier story began, along with his role as a super soldier trainer at the Red Room for Department X.

Now, one might say, "Ana, if he was 20, Natasha was 17, which is still kind of wrong, no?". My answer is yes; it would’ve been rather inappropriate. "Would’ve been" because there’s a catch: Natasha wasn’t part of the Red Room when he joined.

I know what you’re thinking: What the fuck, wasn’t she...? Didn’t she…? So let me explain that one from the beginning.

Natasha Romanoff, then 10 years old, was brought to the Red Room in 1938 by her father figure, Ivan Petrovich (a terrible piece of shit about whom I'll write a blog), Taras Romanov, and Joseph Stalin himself. After her trainer, Wolverine, killed Taras in 1940, she let Wolverine go, fled into the woods, and was found three months later by Ivan, possibly going back under his care, which can be seen below:

She returned to the Red Room only at the age of 28, ironically enough, becauseof Ivan, which is depicted on the following page:

There, we find a collapsed building with a bleeding Ivan and a sobbing Natasha, who have been approached by …. *DRUM ROLL* ….  the Winter Soldier, who has been sent by his superiors. They were both offered the super soldier serum that would save Ivan in exchange for their newfound loyalty, which Natasha accepted despite Ivan's protests.

Here we are, then: Natasha, 28, meets the Winter Soldier, roughly 31, who’ll soon be her lover and her trainer. Two adult people who met when they were both adults. And with that, we conclude our blog, disproving the infamous “she was a kid when they met!” argument.

Thanks for reading my blog. If you have questions or have found a mistake, let me know. I'll be happy to answer and discuss <3

[ashen-char]

I'm obsessed with the idea of ani joining in the conversations about partners and bringing reader up like "they never let me cook! which is sweet but i want to cook too!" or "they drool a lot when they sleep!" in a innocent way not thinking much about the fact the other girls are talking about their partners and she just started yapping about reader like they're together.

I just know the fact she always brings reader up in partner conversations makes them even more confused when ani drops the information she's married and it's NOT with reader, like they're happy for her but 'what does she mean she's not with reader??' Yes, they tease her and joke about it but they fr think there's something going on with those two.

reader likes to sit close to anora when she's playing, they're reading a book or doing something job/studies related, stuff like that. They just like being around her either they have her attention or not, they just feel this comfortable aura coming from anora whenever she's close, she's home. You'll giggle about her getting mad at villagers and then ani looks at you annoyed because 'you're suppose to be on my side!' and you're like 'sorry, got to a funny part on the book...' and you're reading the saddest and most tragic book ever.

I think later on reader introduces ani to one or two more violent games where she can kick people's asses! probably Mortal Kombat, she'll definitely play this type of games when a client/her boss pissed her off badly on that particular day and she needs to punch someone to calm down, even if it's on a video game it helps her a lot! But she likes more the cozy games like animal crossing, stardew valley, even the sims (her favourite is the sims 2 because of all the attention to detail the game has).

You once tried to make her play an horror game (resident evil, until dawn, silent hill, amnesia) and she tried it, she really did but after some time she was like 'nop! I'm done! put my animal crossing NOW!'

About ivan, like I said his parents are to blame for a big part of who he is today but he's 21 already and that's old enough to at least KNOW not to leave your wife alone when she's fighting for a future with you against 3 MEN DOUBLE HER SIZE! like if you care about her and her safety you either runaway with her or you stay there with her! That scene is what makes me think that anora cares about him but he doesn't care about her or at least not as much, you know?

YES! There's nothing wrong with wanting to have fun and be free, you don't have to be serious all the time like life's too short for that shit, but the fact he doesn't take anything serious, never thinks before doing a joke or just the way he treats people bellow him (maybe besides anora) lacks sense, maybe even empathy, like why yell as a joke at this staff member who's apologising already for not having the room ready because 1. THEY DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING! and 2.BECAUSE IT WAS BEING USED!! it's a terrible joke, it can make that poor person lose their job if their superior happens to walk by, it lacks touch with reality too!

On the coke scene: if he had taken too much coke, mixed with the alchool and probably other drugs that shit could lead to his death or a coma! toros and garnick aren't stupid, they very likely know that ivan is using drugs and shit like that but if they don't know how much he has done/where he is how are they suppose to help him if it goes wrong? they are there to keep him alive, to keep him in line too, but mostly to keep his ass alive! You don't have to be serious 100% of your time but you also can't be 100% of your time acting like this petulant kid. ivan strikes me as someone who doesn't want to be treated like a kid and wants to be free but he hasn't shown any sense of responsibility to be able to take care of himself alone, like he can still have a kid spirit and be responsible AND sensible towards other people.

Oh i don't think he would even bother to ask anora about her past because like you pointed out he only calls her ani, she only started existing when ani did too. if ani did try to talk to him about it, open up about her past and stuff he wouldn't pay much attention, too distracted playing video games or on his phone. He would be like one of her friends boyfriends she heard so many complains about, you know?

it's a cute assumption but now I'm a little disgusted with it because of what I know... so embarrassing to me! i think with ivan she tried to keep it as much fairytale-ish as she could so she also tried to be a fairytale character, maybe because she felt the need she showed him her true self he would leave, while with igor she didn't want to/felt the need to put up a character, because he wouldn't leave since he understands her struggles.

I do agree that I prefer igor and ani over ivan and ani, like there's somehting more realistic about them, more personal and more 'honest-ish' for lack of a better word to express what I mean. I think ani needs someone a little more serious and responsible than ivan but also someone who can be carefree and I think if we had more time we could see igor being carefree around ani.

Anora only deserves the best and whatever or whoever that is I hope she's happy and at peace!

HELLO I DIDN'T MEAN TO LEAVE THIS ASK FOR SO LONG it kept cutting off when i tried to answer on mobile (which i was restricted to at the hospital) and eventually i decided to leave it until after i actually watched anora and had more formed thoughts!

ani's got a good rapport with the girls at HQ (barring diamond obviously). with how they flocked to see the fight, i bet they're pretty nosy too, listening intently to pick up on clues of if reader and ani are together. they'd have bets on it. lulu (who's basically the captain of the reader x ani ship) would scoff if anyone said reader's just ani's best friend, offended because obviously she is ani's best friend thank you very much.

sometimes when lulu invites ani out after work, ani says that you two have plans, excitedly yapping about how she's planning to decorate your shared sims' house or the ccs she downloaded. and lulu has this knowing look, cause that's so domestic? sweet? calm? not something ani would find fun if you weren't the one showing it too her. like, lulu finds ani in their backstage/changing room area on her switch, doing her daily fruit foraging in her ACNH island, probably cussing out tom nook for upping the house fee when she JUST paid the last one off. lulu knows all of ani's smiles and the ones about you/something you showed her are different to her performance smiles, to her flirty customer service. they're even different from when she's bragging about what a catch ivan is, about his mansion or how much he likes her.

how much he likes her. never the other way around. any other girl would be half in love with how vanya splashes out his time, attention, and cash. even if ani hasn't realised it herself, it's because her heart's already occupied with reader. imagine ani being away for that first week, apologising over and over to reader cause they already made plans while you just tell her it's ok. and then the next two weeks of their marriage, ani was happy and swept up in the excitement but also... restless? missing you? she busied herself with polishing up her russian, in the lavish new wardrobe and new life. in the dark of night wondering when it'll make her as happy as a simple day with you.

ivan's actually pretty interesting now that all the clips have context. he didn't run to not be caught, but more so to take in all the fun he could before he was whisked back - hitting up all the clubs, getting so drunk he wouldn't worry anymore. he didn't even plan to leave ani, fully wanted her to run with him. it was more... "consequences? what are those? boringgg". didn't wanna talk about his family, didn't wanna hear a word of reprimand from his parents, considers anything that isn't having fun as unnecessary. and especially him thanking ani for making his last trip fun as if he didn't ask her to MARRY him, when she was sceptical in the first place and told him not to tease her! she made sure he was sincere multiple times and he strung her along, pure and simple, knowing his parents wouldn't let that happen. knowing that he wouldn't actually fight his parents for it/for them.

gonna write some thoughts on ivan on another post this is getting too long and tbh i was more focused on anora :P (basically he's all about freedom and even argues back when they make a comment about him possibly marrying a man). the marriage was a fantasy to him, as is america, it's a freedom he won't actually pursue at the end of the day. not when being under his parents' thumb is easier. him being treated like a child is actually a privilege. ani's only two years older and knows so much more of responsibilities, of what it takes to earn and own things, of consequences. all vanya has to do is simper and follow his mom, childishly asking if her clothes are from the new collection rather than listening to her beratement.

i feel like if the marriage didn't collapse because of his parents, it'd be whenever ani decides she's had enough of the partying or the smoking and watching him play games. he asks about her parents, and she even offers to let them meet or go meet her sister. she wants to go to disneyworld for their honeymoon. but vanya would be the same vanya. show up drunk and blazed, embarrassing her in front of her mom and stepdad (while she covers his ass and lies "oh i swear he's not always like this, he's just tired"). ruining her childhood dream by letting his friends crash their honeymoon and trash the cinderella suite. she'd realise that this isn't perfect, that it isn't sustainable. it's fun, yes, ivan was right that they'd probably still have fun together if he wasn't rich. but imagine them going through the paperwork of getting that green card, of her trying to make him take it seriously so he can stay. applying, appointments, providing papers and proof... vanya would groan and act like ani's dragging him to do this. and he'd offer ani hits from his bong like he did to klara, never thinking about if something's the right time.

to contrast a relationship where ani would have to be the mature one, ani is notably different with igor (obviously). even if not romantically, having someone there that she can freely bitch at, let out her tension on, that accepts her moods must feel freeing. all these masks she puts on, be that at the club, or the perfect wife for vanya/his family. she's got her barbs, she's allowed to be prickly and abrasive and say whatever comes to her head. igor will laugh it off. she softened near the end (not the end end, i'm sure there's a lot of thoughts on that) when she brought him that blanket. wordlessly sharing blunts or taking the cig from his mouth, smiling when he laughs at a joke she slung to hurt his feelings. he doesn't just take it either. he asks why she says these things about him, asserts that he isn't (a gopnik, a f-slur ass bitch, a drug dealer, a rapist etc), but doesn't get mad at her for it. when toros or galina says "no, that didn't happen", it's to shut ani up, to not listen, to prove that she doesn't have a say/doesn't have power in the situation. when igor says it, it's on equal grounds-that he had to because he was genuinely scared about ani and that he didn't want her to hurt herself. AND after apologising multiple times, rather than jumping to "i didn't hurt you". it was "you were never in danger of being harmed".

[ninelivesastrology]

Moon/Saturn aspects

The Last of Us Part 1 (2022), Naughty Dog

The Moon/Saturn person understands what loneliness is, even in a crowded room full of people. Saturn rules isolation and the Moon rules connection like two opposing forces—Incredibly so because the Moon rules Cancer, the sign of Saturn’s detriment and Saturn rules Capricorn; the sign of Moon’s detriment. Polarities drive this planetary relationship and to whom it belongs, they struggle to find balance.

It’s hard for the Moon/Saturn person to feel a sense of belonging in their own life and in others, to not feel shame for their existence. A Moon/Saturn person would tell you there is no meaning in life if there is no purpose to apply themselves to.

The sense of pressure, of being good enough, it colors everything in apathy, in shades of grey, but this drives perfectionism. But perfectionism is suffocating.

The Scream (1893), Edvard Munch

The Moon/Saturn person must learn to take up space and unlearn the habit of making themselves small. Saturn’s significations lie in restriction. But no one ever tells you that to deny and reject who it is that you are, to reject your very nature is to suffer, to not live a life at all.

There are so many phobias that drive the Moon/Saturn person’s behavior. The internal compass never points North without trembling in fear. The fear of regret, the fear of being hurt, the fear of being close reinforces the belief that nobody can hurt them if they are not vulnerable. Above all these fears, it is the fear of feeling.

Grief is a shadow behind the Moon/Saturn person, the idea of loss intertwined with responsibility, the idea of “what could’ve been” overshadows any amount of gain. 

Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan (1883 - 1885), Ilya Repin

The Moon/Saturn person is a puzzle of learned habits, ingrained so deep in the subconscious. The blame and shame game Moon/Saturn people play with themselves is an example, often as a result of the parent, the Moon being a natural ruler of the all mothers and Saturn being a natural ruler of fathers.

Our Lady of Sorrows, the Moon joys in the 3rd House, also named “the House of the Goddess”

The first time a Moon/Saturn person was told, “You are too sensitive,” they believed it and hardened their heart.

In trying to learn how to control their emotions, they suppressed them. Saturn chills and delays what it touches, resulting in emotional numbness or delayed emotional reactions.

Taurus is the nocturnal domicile of Venus where the Moon is crowned. Libra is the diurnal domicile of Venus where Saturn is crowned. Why is it in Venus’ signs that the Moon and Saturn experience empowerment? Because pleasure without guilt does not deserve punishment, from anybody or the self.

It’s not a crime to have our needs met, to acknowledge the humanity within ourselves and humanity in others. Moon/Saturn people hone in on the wrong “bigger than” situation. No superiority in not feeling. There is no shame in relating to others, in craving security or feeling insecure or lonely.

The internal belief of being “better off alone” originates from grieving people, places and things. Remember, even the word “belief” has “lie” inside of it.

It is a beautiful thing to feel anything at all in the face of grief. Even moreso, it is a gift to be able to let go of temporary feelings that overstay their welcome and cause harm. Intimacy is priceless.

[kissorkill16]

Friends: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: They can still be friends...right?

Maritza was the first one out the door as soon as the bell rang.

She just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. That school was filled with too many people, people she hated.

She didn't know why, but she hated everyone so much right now.

Maybe it was because of Trinity...

Yeah...

Definitely because of Trinity.

It was because of her that she was in such a shitty mood. That girl had the nerve to call her a traitor, and she only did what she did to save her brother, but even he was against her.

Oh well. Whatever happened to him was Trinity's fault, not Maritza's.

Just then, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Enzo. He gave her an awkward smile, but Maritza just turned back around.

"I thought you were busy with Trinity. You said I was old enough to walk myself home, remember?", she said. Enzo didn't look at her, he just looked at the ground as they continued to walk down the sidewalk.

"I just meant that I wasn't walking you home today.", said Enzo, "But I changed my mind. I'm scared you might get kidnapped again."

Maritza looked at her brother, almost surprised. "But what about Trinity?", she asked. "I thought you were in love with her."

Enzo shrugged, still not looking at her. "I thought so too, but after what happened to you, after she called you a traitor when you didn't have a choice, after she locked Nicky in the basement,...I don't think I like Trinity as much as I did before."

He reached a hand to her and held it in his.

"I don't care that you went against the group, you did it to protect me from the cult.", he said. "I love you, Maritza. I love how brave you were despite wanting nothing to do with any of this."

A moment of silence passed by, and Enzo just held his sister's hand. Then out of nowhere, Maritza wrapped her arms around Enzo.

"I love you too, you big doofus.", she said.

Enzo smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around Maritza.

Just then, someone else came up behind them. They turned around to see Ivan, and he looked absolutely terrible. His eyes were red and puffy and his hair was a mess.

"Oh, hi.", he said. "I'll just go around you guys.", but before he could walk around them, Maritza called out to him.

"Nerd, wait!", she said. Ivan slowly turned around to look at her. "Hm?"

"Look, Ivan. Even if we're not the Inventor's Club anymore, we can still be friends.", she said. "Does that sound good to you?"

Ivan shrugged and looked at the ground, then he looked back at Maritza. "Can I still build stuff?", he asked. Maritza laughed and shrugged as she nodded. "Yes, you can still build stuff."

Then he charged to the two kids and wrapped his arms tightly around them.

"I love being friends!"

The kids continued to walk home together, and as they turned another corner, they ran into someone else.

Delroy.

"Sorry, man.", said Enzo.

"It's fine, dude.", said Delroy. "Can I talk to you guys about something?"

They all turned their attention to him.

"Look, I know I was never part of your club, but I enjoyed spending time with you guys. I may not be as smart as any of you, but I liked helping out in the lab. Sadly, there's not really an Inventor's Club anymore."

Ivan stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. "Delroy, while there isn't a club anymore, we're still friends. We don't need Trinity anymore, and we don't need to solve any more mysteries. We can just be friends and hang out."

Delroy looked at the group, then he smiled. "I guess you're right."

Ivan took Delroy's hand and gently pulled him, "Do you maybe want to hang out? We can go to Enzo and Maritza's house and watch a movie or something."

"Sure, I ain't got nothing better to do."

They continued to walk down the street, but as they did, Enzo couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

"Do you guys think we should invite Nicky?", asked Enzo. The group looked at him.

"Nicky?", asked Ivan, "But you know his state right now. I doubt he even wants to talk to us, let alone watch a movie with us."

"I know, but it's just...I miss him, okay?"

Enzo stopped walking as he was in front of Nicky's house. "He's been through so much, and none of us were there for him to help him out. I want to make it up to him, maybe he's...somewhat back to normal enough for him to form coherent sentences. Maybe he'll be stable enough to hang out."

The group looked at Enzo, then at each other. Maritza sighed and squeezed her brother's hand, "Just don't say anything he might take the wrong way, okay?", she said.

Enzo nodded.

They all walked to the front porch of the Roth house, Enzo rang the doorbell, and Mr. Roth opened the door.

And for some reason, the kids could hear Mrs. Roth crying from the other room. But they tried not to pay to much attention to it.

"Hey, kids.", said Mr. Roth.

"Hi, Mr. Roth.", said Enzo. "We were just wondering if Nicky is okay to come over to my house."

Mr. Roth looked down at the floor. It was silent for a moment.

"Sorry, kids. Nicky isn't here right now, and I'm afraid he won't be coming home for a while now.", he said. The kids looked at him confused.

"What do you mean?", asked Ivan, sounding worried.

Mr. Roth still looked at the ground, but he said it anyway.

"Nicky's in the hospital."

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Shopping trip (What is cosplay?)

Self-Aware! Nikolai Gogol x GN! Reader x Self-Aware! Doppo Kunikida

Description: Set after BSD gang got into your world.

Your new friends/roommates love exploring your world. You keep them company. One day, you and Kunikida decide to go to the mall. Gogol wants to accompany you two. The problem is... He doesn't want to disguise himself. He wants to go in his normal attire.

...

Maybe, everything will be alright, right?

Fluff (for the most part). Everyone thinks that Gogol is a cosplayer. He is ready to throw hands. But he is holding for your sake. People can't mind their own business, they have to discuss, how terrible anime fans are. Karen. Kunikida, as a former teacher, has something to say about looking after the kids.

Prequel to Surprise

Warning: OOC. Rude people. Annoying people. Karen. Rowdy unsupervised kids. One person try to touch Gogol's thighs. But not on your watch. Unintentional lockdown joke. English is my second language.

BSD cast love exploring your world. They love going for a walks. They love visiting cafés. They love going to the festivals. They love to be in places, where they can see other people.

You understand, why they doing it. If one day you woke up and find out, that streets are empty, and then lived in this environment for a few month (even, if you life with few other people), when streets became bisy again, you also would spend all your free time outside. With other people.

You accompany your new friends as much as you can. So many new good memories.

The mall became one of the most visited places. All this shops, cafés, people... For BSD cast, this place seems perfect.

Each time you and someone from BSD cast visit the mall, it became an interesting experience.

You visit the mall not only to have fun, but also to buy necessary things.

Today was 'necessary shopping trip day'.

________________________

Doppo was sitting on the sofa and rechecking the shopping list for a third time. He wanted to make sure, that everything is going to be according to plan. You lazily stretched out and sit near Doppo.

"Hey, Kunikida," greeted you. Man smiles at you and nodded.

"Good morning, [Y/N], Hope, you are ready. We will go to the mall in thirty minutes. The shopping list is complete and has been re-checked a few times."

You hum, showing, that you have heard him. You take a quick glance at the list.

"I see, Thank you, K..." You saw Kunikida's expression. He was waiting for something. You take a breath and spoke again. "Thank you, Doppo"

It was a little bit hard, calling BSD gang by their first names. It feels strange, to call Dazai 'Osamu', Goncharov 'Ivan', Poe 'Edgar' and so on. But, cast want you to call them by their first names. Slowly but surely you were getting used to it.

Doppo nodded, he seems pleased.

"Don't mention it. Be ready in half an hour. We three are going to..."

"Wait!" Interrupted you. "Three? Who is going with us?"

Kunikida's gaze became irritated.

"Nikolai Gogol."

Kolya, of course. He was one of the weirdest of your friends.

And by weird, you mean, your friendship with him start weird.

_______________________

It's been a week, since BSD gang got into your world. That day all of you held the meeting. You wanted to discuss, what they are going to do now, when they got into your world.

Meeting was normal, for the most part. But, Gogol decided to start talking about his freedom and that he will do anything to reach it.

"What I mean, Little Bird, if I want to break the law, I will break the law," Gogol leaned towards you. He looked smug. Like he was challenging you to say something.

You didn't look amused. You noticed Fyodor's expression during Gogol's speech. Dostoevsky looked annoyed by Gogol... Actually, everyone looked annoyed at Gogol. Well, you won't let him win.

Your idea was... weird. But, to be fair, the whole situation with characters from your favorite anime/manga been self-aware and in your home already was bizarre.

"So, you really value freedom, right?"

Asked you, looking Gogol right in the eyes. He grinned and nodded.

"Well, in that case," you booped his nose. "I also value my freedom. And right now, for me, freedom means booping your nose."

Gogol blinked. He opens his mouth. You booped him again. Gogol tried to say something again. You booped him again. This time, you left your finger pressed against Gogol's nose. He squinted his eyes. "[Y/N], what are you doing?"

You tried your best to mimic Gogol's voice.

"What I mean, Big Bird, if I want to boop you, I will boop you"

The room was silent. Everyone was looking at you and Gogol. Suddenly, you saw a golden glow near your stomach. Before you can react, Gogol used "The Overcoat" and trapped you in his embrace. Gogol was laughing. Gogol jumped towards Fyodor, still holding you in his arms.

"Fedya, Fedya, their reaction was priceless!"

Fyodor took a breath.

"I still don't understand, why did you decide to test them. You never planned to cause trouble here."

Gogol only grins. He looked at you. He looked much friendlier, than before.

"You are my new friend now, we will eat something tasty later"

For the rest of the meeting, you were in Gogol's embrace. It took combine efforts of Fyodor, Sigma and Fukichi to pry him off you.

____________________

You smile at the memory.

"Well, with his help we could buy more things. Don't you agree?"

Kunikida grumbles something, but nodded at agreement.

"I guess so. Anyway, we should start preparations."

______________________

In thirty minutes, both of you were ready to go to the mall and were standing near the front door, waiting for Nikolai.

You changed into suitable clothes for today's hot weather.

Instead of his normal clothes, Kunikida was wearing a green t-shirt, dark-brown shorts and flip-flops. He decides to keep his hair as it normally was.

Kunikida started to become impatient. Gogol was late.

"This clown... He himself wanted to go, and now he is late" grumble Kunikida. You put your hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.

"Easy, Doppo, it's not that bad. Maybe, he is trying to disguise himself better. His looks are quite recognizable.

It was one of the first things you taught to BSD gang. They were recognizable. That's why they should wear different clothes, when they are going somewhere. If they don't want to deal with people staring at them.

Kunikida grimaced. He doesn't like unplanned events. And Gogol was an embodiment of chaos. Kunikida turn towards you.

"I know, but still, he should be ready"

You pet Kunikida's shoulder.

You heard the sound of steps coming towards two of you. Gogol, with a few empty shopping bags in his hands, walked towards you two.

You were glad, that Kunikida didn't see Gogol right now.

Nikolai Gogol was standing there, in his normal attire and hairstyle.

You are a patient person. But, right now, you wanted to attack Kolya.

To lose some steam, you decide to indirectly quote O. Henry.

"Doppo, there isn't any heart disease in your family, is there?"(1)

Doppo looked at you, puzzled.

"I don't think so... Why?"

You looked at him. Your gaze was a mix of pity and anger.

"Then you might turn around, and have a look behind you."(1)

Kunikida looked around and saw Gogol.

Kunikida closes and opens his mouth. He looked like he was ready to combust.

To help him, you asked Gogol.

"Gogol, why aren't you ready? It's time to go."

Gogol smirked.

"Birdy, I am already ready. You know why? Right, I want the rest of the free world to accept free me! My clothes also part of my freedom."

Kunikida hissed.

"Do you forget, what Our Guiding Light told us? We are recognizable in our normal clothes! Everyone will stare at you!"

You nodded

"Doppo is right, we would attract unwanted attention."

Gogol waves his hand.

"Oh, don't worry, it can't be that bad. Everything will be fine."

You signed and try again.

"Gogol, please, you need to listen to me. Please, wear a disguise."

Gogol grimaced.

"[Y/N], please, stop it. I tell you I want to go in my normal clothes."

You facepalmed. Before Kunikida can start shouting at Gogol, you raised your hand.

"Fine. You can go in that. But don't blame me, for what's going to happen."

Kunikida wanted to protect, but, after noticing your gaze, changed his mind. Gogol looked triumphant.

You open the door.

"Be ready to be called cosplayer, Gogol."

You heard Gogol's quiet "What is 'cosplay'?", but you ignored him.

Hopefully, people at the streets won't be that annoying.

__________________

You jinxed it.

You haven't reached the mall yet, but twenty people has already annoyed Gogol into taking pictures with him.

The five-minute walk from home to the mall became a fifteen-minute walk.

You had a feeling, that everyone wants to have a photo with"cool cosplayer".

At first, Gogol was fine with having his photos taken.

But then you run into a group of rowdy fans.

They crowded around Gogol, pushing you and Doppo from their way.

"You looked like a real one!"

"Cool costume, dude!"

"The scar looks so real!"

"How much have you paid for the costume?"

"Do you want to read my smut fanfic about Fyolai?"

"Can I grab your things?"

Doppo's eyebrow twitched.

"[Y/N]... Is this normal behavior of 'BSD fans'?" Spited Doppo. You shake your head.

"No, of course not. This people are just jerks."

Gogol looked annoyed. He agreed to take some pictures, so the group will leave him alone.

Unfortunately, the group wasn't satisfied with simple pictures.

They started to demand him to make poses. Dubious poses... They clearly made Gogol uncomfortable. You noticed, that Gogol was holding himself back from attacking the annoying people. You decide, that it's time to intervene.

"Okay, everyone, move away from our friend, stop making him uncomfortable! No poses, no pictures."

You and Doppo squeezed through the crowd and stood near Gogol, like two bodyguards. The crowd try to protect, but one heavy look from Kunikida make them shut up.

You and Kunikida tried to take Gogol from the crowd. With the conner of your eye, you noticed, that the same person, who asked if they can grab Gogol's thighs, were trying to touch Gogol's thighs. Immideatly, you turn towards the jerk and hit him in the face with all of your might.

"Hands off, parasite!" Growl you.

The Creep fell down, sobbing. His friends tried to attack you in return. But, before any of them they can take a step towards you, Doppo dealed with them.

Never underestimate Fukuzawa's trainee.

All group members were lying on the ground, groaning in pain.

You three left the Creep and their friends behind.

___________________

When you finally reached the mall, you signed.

"Okay... It was something. Is everyone alright?"

Kunikida adjusted his glasses.

"I am fine"

Nikolai stay quiet. The look in his eyes was dangerous. You feel chills running down your spine. He was angry. Then he spoke.

"I am not. I want to hurt them. But," Gogol looked at you. His gaze soften. "But, for your sake, I won't do it. I don't want you to get into trouble."

You squeeze his shoulder.

"We can find a quiet place for you to stay, while Doppo and I are going shopping."

Gogol shake his head.

"No, don't worry, I will be fine."

Kunikida huffs and take the shopping list from his pocket.

"We have lost quite some time. We need to split up, so we can buy everything faster. I will go find cleaning supplies. [Y/N], can you and Gogol buy meat, fish and fruits?"

You nodded.

______________________

Good news, you haven't run into anime fans anymore.

Bad news, you run into people who hate anime.

You and Gogol were choosing fresh fish, when you heard their conversation.

"Look at this weirdo. Does the Freak thinks he can wear this clown costume in public like this?"

"Yea. He must be a screw loose."

"All the anime fans are perverts. I have heard, all of them likes little girls. Really likes"

"Bro, you will make me puke!"

Gogol's eye twitched. You quickly grabbed his hand. You whisper.

"Nikolai, please, stay calm."

Gogol squeezed your hand.

You have noticed a golden glow in one of the fish tanks. In this tank there were alive crabs. Five of them.

You blinked. All crabs disappeared.

The sound of something falling. Shocked cries of "Where did crabs come from?" The pained whines of the company that was talking about Gogol.

Crabs didn't like their new company.

____________________

After you finally buy everything you need, all of you decide to have some coffee, before you go home. The day was hard, all of you need some rest.

All of you were sitting at the same table, drinking coffee.

But, it seems, that today trouble didn't want to let you go.

At first, you heard a loud scream.

Then something ran near your table.

Two six-year-old kids. Boy and girl.

They were running around the café, screaming and grabbing everything they can see.

Their mother wasn't paying attention to them. She was talking to someone on her phone.

You three tried to ignore all this noise. Kunikida finished his coffee and put the empty cup back on the saucer with a loud clatter.

"This kids... Why parents didn't do their job? At first, parents forget about parenting, then this 'parents' have the audacity to blame teachers for their kid's terrible behavior."

You looked at Doppo with a soft look.

"Have you remembered your teaching days?"

Doppo nodded.

Gogol let out a loud yelp. Then the kids noticed Nikolai's braid and start pulling it. He turned around and growl at kids.

"Back off, you brats!"

And mother finally decided to do the parenting. By starting yelling at Gogol.

"You creep, don't you dare yell at my children!"

To be fair, Gogol tried to stay civil.

"Mam, your kids were pulling my hair! I shouted at them to make them stop."

Women glares at Gogol.

"You could let them do it! They are just kids! They are allowed to do anything they want! Wait... You... What are you wearing... Is that... one of this anime characters?"

Without letting Gogol answer, she hit him with her shopping bad.

"SATANIST! You are a satanist who is watching Chinese porn cartoons. Useless member of society!"

You had enough for today.

"Miss, watch your..." You didn't finish your phrase, when mom hit you with a shopping bag.

"Shut up! Don't interfere!"

Kunikida snapped.

"If you watched your kids..."

And Kunikida was also hit with a shopping bag.

And security finally escorted the woman and her kids from the café.

You feel, that the day was ruined.

_______________

You finally were home. After putting your bags in the kitchen, three of you sit on the couch in the living room. You're in the middle, Doppo on the right and Kolya on the left.

All three of you were silent. Gogol was the first who spoke.

"It's all my fault. You warned me. I didn't listen. I am sorry."

You stay silent. Then you whisper.

"I am also sorry. I should have tried harder to make you change your mind."

Gogol chuckled.

"[Y/N], don't blame yourself. I am also an adult, I should understand the consequences of my actions."

You take a look around the room. There must be something that can make them feel better.

You had a plan.... Maybe, it will work.

You called.

"Hey, Kolya, Doppo"

Gogol's eyes light up. It was the first time you called him by the short version of his name. He looked at you.

Doppo turn his head towards you.

"Want to have a movie night? Choose anything you want to watch, I will make snacks. How does is sounds?"

Both guys agree.

____________________

Three of you were covered in blankets. Doppo was carefully petting your head, while Nikolai was tracing lines along your hand. The movie was on. The snacks were on the table. You were snuggled between Doppo Kunikida and Nikolai Gogol.

At least this time, everything was right. Everything was better.

__________

A/N: (1) Changed quote from "The Ransom of Red Chief" by O. Henry.

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

SET TEN - ROUND TWO - MATCH FOUR

"I am Happy Because Everyone Loves Me" (1928 - Louis Wain) / “Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581” (c. 1883-1885 - Ilya Repin)

I AM HAPPY BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES ME: It makes me want to live! I AM happy! Everyone loves me! I'm tired of living life where I don't care if I live or die- I don't want to do that! I don't just "not want to die-" no, I want to live! Life is beautiful and I'm a part of it! (anonymous)

IVAN THE TERRIBLE AND HIS SON IVAN ON 16 NOVEMBER 1581: bc i have seriously never seen more evocative and haunting eyes ever like ever. bc his son's dying thoughts are of forgiveness. bc the weapon is in frame bc the lighting is that of an entirely normal day outside. (@that-one-queer-poc)

(”i am happy because everyone loves me” is a ink and chalk piece on paper by Louis Wain, and is held at the Bethlem Museum of the Mind along with most of Louis Wain's other works. It measures 14×10.8 cm (5.5 x 4.2 in)

“Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581” is an oil on canvas painting by Ilya Yefimovich Repin. It measures 199.5 cm × 254 cm (78.5 in × 100 in) and is on display at the Tretyakov Gallery.)

[kurithedweeb]

Katelyn the Fire Fist used to be Katelyn Anchorage III, the only daughter of a working class family with five sons, named for her mother Katelyn II (hereon referred to as Mama Katelyn).

Her father died before the birth of her youngest brother, and ever since then she had wanted to be a guard to help protect and provide for her family. Her mother and older brothers always encouraged her and worked hard to help pay for the gear she'd need for the academy. They were all very close-knit until Katelyn was selected for the Jury.

Her older brothers Keiran and Killian are identical twins about eight years older than her, so identical that the only way to the only way to tell them apart for the longest time was a scar from when Keiran broke his collarbone at seven. Kacey, a shy boy who liked to sit with their mother while she worked, is two years younger than Katelyn. Pretty boy Kenneth is five years younger, and Kyler the baby of the family is about eight years younger. There's a whole sixteen years between the oldest and the youngest of the brothers, so Kyler ended up mostly being raised by the twins while Mama Katelyn recovered and went back to work. Katelyn once called the twins dad and they shut it down real quick. The majority of their stories about dad comes from them since Mama Katelyn doesn't talk about him all that much.

Mama Katelyn collects stories. Her work is fairly repetitive, so she and her fellows often tell stories and share gossip to fend off the boredom. She's so opposed to Katelyn joining the Jury because she's heard such terrible things about them, and sure some of them are bound to be rumors, but how can she not be wary after hearing about Janus terrorizing the Tu'lan countryside or Ivan cursing a village with winter year-round? But she doesn't want to discourage Katelyn into quitting because, well, isn't joining the Jury of Nine every guard's dream? Instead, she quietly confides her worries in Keiran.

Keiran, now terrified his baby sister is going to be made into a monster at the behest of the church and Lord, starts a massive argument to try to convince Katelyn she's making a mistake by not passing on the invitation. Katelyn blows up instead of listening to what he's trying to say and it gets really out of hand. She ends up completely cutting ties with her family and completely devoting herself to her duties as a Juror.

They parted on such bad terms that after she's left the Jury she fears she ruined her chances of speaking to them again for no good reason since she didn't even stay with the whole reason she left in the first place. She's incredibly hesitant to reconnect in case they hate her, or worse fear her, and never reaches out. She talks about her family so rarely that the only reason anyone even knows she has one is because one time she got a little too tipsy around the campfire and started going on about how proud she is of them.

Imagine her surprise when she runs into one of her brothers completely on accident someday post-Irene Dimension and learns that Kenneth is now all scarred up and missing a leg, little Kyler is running the O'khasian citizens' resistance under Tu'la rule, shy Kacey has gone off and become a mercenary, Mama Katelyn is running a shelter named after her daughter, Killian's running a pirate crew, and Keiran's been searching all of Ru'aun for her for years. She's been just missing three of them for years! Killian's even been weighing anchor in Phoenix Drop and Meteli for ages!

Does she ever really reconnect with her family? Does she recognize her brothers? Do the younger ones recognize her? Does she ever see her mother face to face again?

[beyondmistland]

I read through all your posts about Alysanne Targaryen as Maegor's daughter and am now in a rabbit hole. Thank you. I've been thinking about Maegor's wives and which one of Henry VIII's wives they represent. Ceryse is Cathrine of Aragon and Alys is Anne Boleyn. The others are hard to pin for me since there isn't a lot. What do you think? Would Maegor's reign have been more interesting if his marriages had more similarities to those of Henry VIII?

I think this is where we run into a number of problems regarding the way GRRM wrote Fire & Blood specifically and the way he setup Westeros more generally.

For one, the fairly homogenized nature of southron culture as well as the oversimplification of religious institutions and history means you can't quite get the same dynamism as from real life European history, with its dizzying array of languages, cultures, cuisines, fashions, etc., to mention nothing of the then-ongoing Protestant Reformation. I suppose GRRM could have had Maegor convert to the Old Gods a la Julian (II) the Apostate or the Drowned God (you just know the Ironborn are the one race on the surface of Planetos that would say King Maegor the Good with a completely straight face) or even R'hllor, which would be the best choice in terms of worldbuilding opportunities in my opinion.

Moving on, we run into a handful of problems with Maegor specifically, one of them being the length of his reign. Look, while I can't deny Maegor ruling for 6 years and 66 days is incredibly cheeky, it also isn't anywhere close to Henry VIII's 36 years as king. With so little room timeline-wise, there isn't a lot of flexibility when it comes to telling new stories and fleshing out preexisting ones and all that is before you factor in Maegor himself.

I won't hold back. For all GRRM's talk of moral ambiguity, the human heart in conflict with itself, good men who were bad kings and bad men who were good kings, etc., his Targaryen monarchs are, for the most part, numbingly one-note. Aegon I is a literal enigma, Aenys is weak, Maegor cruel, Viserys I a party animal, Aegon II and Rhaenyra mirror-images of each other in their disqualifying vices, etc. As I've written before with my post reimagining Maegor as more of a Ivan (IV) the Terrible figure there was room to make him a genuinely controversial figure of historiography but instead GRRM doubled down on sensationalism and apathy-inducing slasher porn for lack of a better word. The fact Maegor is also the first and last of Visenya's line just adds more salt to the wound but that's part of GRRM's more general (and for me personally, vexing) habit of keeping family trees incredibly small.

(I do recall another alternative someone once brought up to the late Steven Attewell. Namely, turning Maegor into the Westerosi version of Macbeth by way of Der Untergang.)

This brings me to my semifinal point. GRRM didn't have to write Fire & Blood as Procopius' Secret History on steroids with a dash of Suetonius' Lives of Twelve Caesars and I, Claudius (the entire Saera episode is practically lifted wholesale from the scandal that envelops Augustus' daughter, Julia) but he did, which is doubly disappointing because not only does the final product suck quality-wise as a result but also because there were so many other avenues available to him.

He could have written Fire & Blood as a proper history (with less focus on the sex lives of teenage girls for one) or as a mirror for princes or as a dialogue between two characters or even as a character study. You can even see GRRM struggling with the constraints imposed by his use of Gyldayn in certain sections like the death of Maelor and the entire Hour of the Wolf episode, where you get reams of dialogue and characterization as well as more traditional narrative trappings like build-up, mood setting, etc.

Now, to answer your actual question (lol), I don't think any of Henry VIII's other wives map well onto Maegor's. Tyanna is, more or less, his female counterpart in terms of cruelty and zero redeeming features and entirely a fantasy construct. Elinor and Jeyne are both married to Maegor for only a year (with poor Jeyne dying in childbirth because Jeyne Westerlings, like the Brackens, Peakes, and Florents, cannot catch a break in Westeros) and before said marriage takes place neither appears on the page. As for Rhaena, well, credit where its due, she was a rare (and unexpected) highlight of Fire & Blood.

Thanks for the question, anon

[kasagia]

❄️️Warm my heart pt. 5❄️️

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/ The Darkling x fem! heartrender! reader Summary: You're getting closer, closer, closer and closer... and noticed. Word Count: 3,2k Taglist:@aoi-targaryen @budugu @flostvs1508 ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova’s Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 4 ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 6 ~•♤♤♤•~

"Something funny?" his question pulls you out of the letter. You glance at him briefly, slowly fold the letter, and put it in your pocket, still smiling.

"Nothing special. Can we return to further discussion?" you ask as he sits down in front of you and places two glasses of kvass on the table.

You didn't talk about… that night. Or previous events. There was a consensual silence between you regarding those events. A silence that was anything but peaceful. It was more like before the storm. But you both chose to ignore it. You had more important things on your mind.

"There is no need. I've already told you. Tracker and some of our people are going to haunt the stag until we won't get the bones. End of discussion."

"But it's Christmas. Is this stag that important? You don't have to send after this poor animal almost 30 of our people." you try to convince him, but he only rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"Y/N. I appreciate your opinion, but no one and nothing will change my mind. Not you, not Alina, not Zoya, not any women, do you understand?"

"Why didn't you mention Ivan or Fedyor, or any men?" you ask, crossing your arms, now as irritated as he was just a few seconds ago.

"Because they know too well to try to oppose me."

"Oppose you?" you huff, glaring at him defiantly. "With all due respect, you don't know what it's like when someone REALLY tries to oppose you. At least not in the last month." you see him take a breath to say something, but one look from him at you makes him change his mind and shake his head. He takes the glass and drinks it before deciding to answer you.

"Can we... can we just go back to read those reports and finally write the orders to units? Please." he asks. You sigh and take your pen in hand, continuing to write down on the paper, in a more logical way, notes containing some of your plans.

"If you insist." you mumble over the paper.

"No whining?" he asks in shock and you bite your lip to avoid saying something rude.

"No." you say, shaking your head and reaching for a glass of kvass.

"And you're not offended?"

"Since when do you care?" you snap at him, annoyed. Not only did he stupidly stick to his opinion, but he also made you look like an offensive brat.

"Y/N." he says it calmly, and you raise your gaze to him. He didn't seem like he was doing it maliciously, more like he was making sure everything was okay. Which only added to your irritation. You close your eyes and sigh before answering him.

"No. I'm not."

"Your tone of voice is telling me something entirely different." you narrow your eyes at him and he just shrugs his arms.

"Should I smile at you sweetly to make you sure about that?" you ask teasingly, and he nods, leaving you surprised.

"Yes, please." he says, wanting to see you smiling at him at all costs. He missed this view. You both had a lot on your minds lately, and dark circles under your eyes were starting to appear under your eyes as well as under his own. And he despised them terribly. He smiles, though, feeling a strange warmth dissipate in his chest as you giggle in amusement and give him a mischievous smile. "That's better." he mumbles, shifting his gaze to the papers.

He can't feel like this. He shouldn't want... you. Not after what he went through last time.

And after that night, where he almost gave in to his desires, he promised himself that you wouldn't be his second Luda. You'll end up better than her. He won't let anything happen to you because of him.

"You know... I got something for you." you say, snapping him from his thoughts.

"For me? On what occasion?" he asks, surprised, shifting in his chair. He dropped the papers on the desk and focused his attention on you as you nervously stroked the edges of the report, straightening the corners.

"When I was a child, we used to draw lots a few weeks before Christmas to choose a family member to give a gift to. You know, a small present before the big one. And since I spent half of December fighting for my life with a fever and swimming in frozen rivers, I didn't have time to give it to you earlier."

"Why did you..."

"We drew lots for whom we would buy a gift." you interrupt him before he has a chance to ask you a question. "Me, Fedyor, Alina, Mal, Zoya, even Ivan, and the rest. I had Mal, but since you decided to send him to hell knows where, I figured I might as well give you something."

"Whatever bribe you want to give me, tracker and others don't come back without a stag." he says, crossing his arms. You giggle softly at that.

"I'm fully aware, donkey."

"You're treading on thin ice." he says menacingly, but he can't help but tilt his lips upward slightly in kind of a small smile.

"It's good that you're close; maybe you'll save me again. Come on. Just open it. I promise, I didn't ask David to put any explosives in there." he rolls his eyes but takes the box from you that you left under his desk. He turns the small box over in his hand and shakes it gently, assessing the size and heaviness of the gift. "Are you really expecting a terrorist attack? From me?"

"You stabbed me with a letter opener."

"That was ages ago!" you shout, offended and blushing. "Besides, how was I supposed to know you'd just walk into the war room and stand behind me?!"

"Who normally throws a letter opener behind them?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. He slowly begins to unwrap the box.

"It was from my grandparents. You know how we get along. Besides, I've apologised to you a thousand times."

"And apparently my mental health has been damaged, and now I can't trust you around with any weapon or mistery presents." he teases; you whine at this, and he starts laughing. You smile at the sound and shake your head.

Suddenly, he stops laughing. He holds on to his breath as he carefully examines your gift. It's not a big thing. A simple, black pendant. What is more important is its content, which he stares at in amazement.

"I... I know you don't believe in any saints or stuff like that, but... I noticed that every time we're in the chapel for some kind of celebration, you stare at the stained glass window of Sankta Ursula of the Waves. I found it in some flea markets while we were searching for a stag. I immediately thought of you."

"I…" he has no idea what to say. He didn't know you were watching him so carefully. That you actually care. But now… you didn't even know what it meant to him. Especially since the pendant you gave him and the portrait of Sankt were an exact representation of his sister. Not like that terrible stained glass window. "Thank you." he whispers shakily, because it's all he can do.

You took away his words. More than once. He should get used to this. I want to get used to it. But he can't. He won't risk losing you for a few moments... a few moments that are a young boy's dream.

"Anytime. May I?"

He nods. You stand behind him and take the necklace from him. You roll up the collar of his kefta so you can fasten it around his neck.

Your fingers brush against the skin of his neck, and he has to bite his lip (almost to the point of bleeding) to keep from letting out any embarrassment moan at the small touch.

He despised himself. His mother would mock him so much for weakness and vulnerability like this... but all he could do was sit quietly and appreciate your every little touch.

"Do you like it?" you whisper softly, still standing behind him. Your hands on his arms burn him, despite the thick layers of clothes he's wearing.

"I love it." he answers faster than he can think. He knows you can feel his heart beating wildly. He feels himself turning even redder.

"I'm glad you like it, Aleksander."

He feels blood on his mouth as he bites his bottom lip, hearing you whisper in his ear his real name. He was alternately regretful and glad that you knew it. In moments like this... he wasn't sure which feeling prevailed. Suddenly, he realises that he is gripping the arm of the chair so tightly that his knuckles are white.

Where was the fucking control he had spent years practicing when he needed it most? Where are the walls he painstakingly built around his stupid heart?

One heartrender was enough for all his composure to go to hell. And the worst thing was that, deep in his heart, he wanted to lose himself in you.

He stands up from his chair and turns towards you, looking down at you, trying to intimidate you as his shadows dance around you. But you just came closer. He holds his breath and tries to take a step back, but realises there's no escape as he slams his hips against the desk.

"Y/N."

"Aleksander."

You exchange whispers between the two of you, staring deeply into each other's eyes.

The sudden outburst makes you both shiver. Aleksander automatically grabs your arm and pulls you behind him, covering you as he listens.

"Stay here." he whispers as he takes a step towards the window.

You grab his elbow tightly and stop him. He turns to you, raising an eyebrow questioningly. You shake your head, staring at him defiantly. He rolls his eyes and grabs your waist, tightening his grip as you both walk carefully towards the balcony.

You see smoke rising from the Durasts' workshop.

"Damn it, 5th time in this year." Aleksander curses under his breath, and he releases his grip on your waist.

"They're working on transportation through the fold, be gentle with them."

He sighs and rubs his hand over his eyes. The tiredness becomes clearer on his face as he realises that he's going to have a long night ahead of him.

"I'll try my best. Go to bed, milaya. One of us should be rested." before he knows what he's actually doing, he walks up to you and kisses your forehead.

You stand frozen, feeling his lips on your skin, your heart racing at his gesture more than from adrenaline at the sudden outburst. And then he walks away quickly, leaving you alone.

You can't help but smirk as you watch him disappear into the shadows.

Aleksander is pissed. Nor. He is furious. Mad. Not because of the outburst that happened last night, but because he found out that you were getting more and more letters.

And he managed to intercept one. It was from Mal fucking Ortsev. The tracker you so desperately wanted back at the palace for stupid Christmas.

Everything made sense. Every kind gesture you made this month. And now he was storming through the halls of the Little Palace, straight to the kitchen where the guards had told him you would be, holding an unopened letter from your lover in your hand. A lover who, he will make sure, will never see the gates of Os Alta again.

He storms into the kitchen, and you almost manage to cool his anger when he sees you in an apron, baking some cake. You were singing something under your breath, probably one of those annoying songs that were played in every corner of Ravka.

And he almost melted, fascinated by the sight of you so... calm. A strange fantasy played in his head. You and him together, cooking something for the damn Christmas, decorating the house. He never had a real Christmas. Baghra wasn't sentimental enough to celebrate it, and she taught him the same, but with you... he would do all those stupid things.

Seeing you in this homey atmosphere almost took him off his warpath. Almost.

Until he remembered the letter he was holding and imagined the tracker doing all those things with you. He slammed the door loudly and waited for your reaction.

You screamed, spilling some of the flour you were holding onto the floor. You looked at him, and you were ready to yell at him for scaring you when you saw the look on his face.

"What happened?" you ask, brushing your hair off your forehead and getting flour all over it in the process.

In any other circumstances, he would have laughed; he would have been completely enchanted by your state. But now he was seeing red, imagining every single love letter that you could have written to that damn tracker.

"All these gifts, sweet words—all of it was for your tracker, right? You don't know this boy, you don't know what he is like, and yet you try to undermine my authority and change my decision just for some orphan from Keramzin! What does he have, huh?! What has blinded you, MY SECOND-IN-COMMAND, that you so desperately want this rash fool, who only gets into trouble because of his own stupidity?! Is he really worth risking my wrath?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"THIS!" he slams his hand with the letter on the table between you. He glares at you furiously as you look at him with an equally defiant attitude. You take the letter and look at it in disbelief and anger.

"Do you monitor my correspondence?!"

"I should have done this ages ago! At least you wouldn't make a fool of me! You can say goodbye to your lovely tacker; I'll make sure he never again sets his foot in Os Alta."

"SERIOUSLY?! Look at me carefully, because I'll only say this once: MAL AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER!"

"Of course." he laughs mockingly and is about to leave the kitchen. You run to him and grab his arm tightly, forcing the letter into his hands.

"Read it." you say it coldly and firmly as you control yourself enough not to scream at him in anger.

"What?" he asks dazedly at your command, looking between your furious eyes and the letter you're pushing into his hands with all your might.

"Do you want to blame me for something? Go right ahead. Read. Prove yourself right." he takes the letter from you.

Jealousy and rage were still present in him, as well as a hint of sadness and hurt. That's what it was. Proof that all of this, every kind gesture, smile, look, touch, kiss—well, not a real one—was intended to bring you closer to another man. A man whose insides he would feed to volcras.

"Here you go." he opens the letter and clears his throat dramatically as he begins to read. "Dear Y/N. Thank you for your help. Alina was overjoyed with her gift. I don't know how to thank you. I'd love to be there for her, but I'm glad that at least you can take care of my beloved while I look for some damn stag…" he falls silent while reading, looking for something more in the letter he has in his hands. He blushes with embarrassment, realising the mistake he has made.

"See?" you ask him and gently cup his cheek with your hand, forcing him to look at you.

"But... the other letters..." he whispers, confused.

"I exchanged them with my brother."

There is a long silence between you as he digests all the information and realises the mistake he has made. He turns even redder at the rashness of his actions. He, who boasted of his patience and the fact that he was never wrong. The slightest suspicion that your heart belonged to someone else was enough to make him want to spill some blood and commit murder. And not yours, but that damn tracker's.

"Oh... the youngest one I guess?" he asks, trying to camouflage his earlier behavior. Or at least forget about it for a moment and let his heart slow down to a normal rhythm. He already humiliated himself enough in front of you.

"Yes." you confirm, a stupid smile on your lips. He swallows, nervous.

"Umm... that's lovely."

"He asked me if I'm coming home for Christams." you tell him, and he holds his breath for a moment, looking at you in anticipation. You don't say anything further. So he clears his throat and prepares to ask the question.

"Are you?"

"No. I'm staying in the Little Palace this year." for some strange reason, these few words bring him more joy than anything else in his several hundred years of life.

"Taht's... that's good. That's good to hear." he nods, unable to look you in the eye. You lick your lips, shifting your gaze towards the kitchen for a moment.

"Do you want to join me?"

"I beg you pardon?" he asks, confused. You nodded towards the bowls and cake you were baking before he came in and… jumped to the wrong conclusions. "I haven't… I haven't cooked for a while." he admits shyly. And you smile fondly as you see him so… ordinary for the first time. Humanly.

"Well, it's the best time to do it again, don't you think?" you ask and are about to pull him towards the table and the ingredients you prepared to make a cake when you feel the urge to look up. And you see mistletoe.

He also looks up and freezes at what he sees. A shiver of excitement and anxiety runs through his body. It was late at night. No one in their right mind would come here. No one would interrupt you.

He unconsciously leans towards you. He slowly lifts his hand and brushes your hair away from your face, gently brushing the flour from your forehead with his thumb. You giggle softly.

You cup his cheeks with your hands, and Aleksander sees in slow motion how you pull him towards you. Your lips get closer... but instead of moving to his lips, you place a tender kiss on his cheek.

His beard tickles you a little, and he can't help but feel deprived and tricked when your warm lips are limited to just caressing his cheek. He almost growls, exasperated, when, as quickly as you cling to him, you pull away.

"Put an apron on. We don't want to have your black kefta covered in flour." you say and go back to the table. You smile evilly. He didn't deserve a kiss after his little act today, but next time...

You squeal as he grabs you from behind and dumps a bag of flour over your head.

"ALEKSANDER!" you shout, and he laughs loudly, not caring at all that anyone might have heard his name. He tries to get away from you when you throw eggs at him.

When you are laughing and throwing everything at each other, you don't notice that the kitchen door is slowly and silently closing. And someone's footsteps echo through the corridors of the Little Palace.