#itsgoingtogetbetter

[winterblueandotherhues]

Series 1--CH 1. An introduction

Jan. 14, 2023

This is my first entry. I've been thinking for a while that I would like to put my thoughts out into the universe and see what it says back. I hope that whoever comes across these entries will feel some sort of comfort knowing someone else is going through the same things...and if no one else is going through this...well then truly good for them hahaha. Right now, I am going through a very big shift in life plans, and it feels like the worst timing because it's winter. And I can never feel motivated in winter. I blame it on the lack of blue skies and direct UV rays.

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It's been twenty-three days since my 25th birthday, and although this is not my first quarter life crisis, 25 has me feeling like a mouse stuck in a trap...I have to find way to free myself from the things that are hold me back/holding me down. This is the year where I have to find a way to actually make myself proud.

Somehow I always find myself in this predicament as winter rolls around. I tried to start on resolutions in October but like most "new year" resolutions, they fell through. And it's pretty obvious why--there was no real plan. I like to feel like I know how to plan, but I've always been bad at it. It's probably because of the ADHD, but I feel like that's not really an excuse. This is the year for no excuses. I have to make a decision, and I have to see it through. And if it's the wrong decision, then I adjust accordingly.

Currently, I am back home after living/working in the city for the last seven years. After graduating from college at the beginning of the pandemic, I've been struggling with applying for PA grad school. I just never feel good enough. I also blame my lack of accomplishments on my anxiety which kept me from taking so many opportunities in undergrad.

And then my mom died right when I thought I was going to get my life together, and then my life really fell apart because I was looking forward to making her proud. I mean...I still think she would feel proud of me now...but I really wanted to pull myself together for her, and it felt like the rug was pulled from under my feet and I couldn't remember how to get up.

Although I surrounded myself with my friends while I was living in the city, watching my friends finish graduate school and becoming doctors was a huge wake-up call. I was wallowing in my depression and my anxiety held me back more than ever while everyone around me was going on with their lives. I felt left behind. It was like I was stuck watching a movie of everyone laughing, growing, celebrating, and all I wanted was to be a part of that movie. And I came to the realization that no one will ever stop their lives to help me live mine...that's just a selfish thing to ask of anyone...and I knew that..

So here I am, back home, trying to piece myself back together because the only person who can truly do it is me. I quit my patient care job, and I have no job right now. I am taking a biochemistry class, and it starts next week. I am scared shitless haha. It's been so long since I've learned something. I'm afraid to learn that I'm not as smart as I once was...if I even ever was...I'm terrified of failure. It feels like I've done nothing but disappoint myself for the majority of my twenties. But I know that I can't let myself be held back any longer by self-doubt and self-pity.

[closeenoughtolonely]

I check and check and check to see if you’ve texted.

I’m sure you don’t do the same

[minaasikter]

Never lose hope & don’t let anyone dull your sparkle. Keep going, the best is yet to come! #thursdaymotivation #itsgoingtogetbetter 🙏🏽💪🏽🍾🥂🥳 (at Skåne County) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKBwdDbJX_F/?igshid=k71xlge1bq83

[julissadesigns]

In Jesus's name, Amen! #welcomeMay2020 #may2020 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #inJesusname #coveredbythebloodofJesus #foreveloved #ahead #itsgoingtogetbetter #promises #Godincontrol #julissadesigns #designerjulissa #glorytoGod #danbury (at Julissadesigns LLC) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_oabkGA9_O/?igshid=1ez1k0ympj98v

[giraffeslovemeback]

"I like me better when I'm with you." 💚💙 . . . #lyrics #lauv #ilikemebetter #tyedye #daisy #snapchatfilter #choker #heathershandmade #handmade #peacesign #hawkeyes #fuckautobrightness #septum #itsgoingtogetbetter #wantshorthairagain #butnotreally #alternative #alternativegirl #🤟🏻 https://www.instagram.com/p/B77iBBqH4Y1/?igshid=i3g14u3sg075

[kbhwriting]

Do you believe? Ya or nay💔💔💔💓💓 What are your biggest breakthrough?!!!! #Motivation #nevergiveuponyourdreams #quoteoftheday #itsgoingtogetbetter (at Portharcourt Rivers State Nigeria) https://www.instagram.com/p/B57XRPTAW2v/?igshid=1p3ed8gfl06l2

[nikaukai]

Just waiting patiently for the waves to roll in... #surfmore #surfsomething #sanO #morningviews #loyaltothefoil #letsgo #itsgoingtogetbetter #anyminutenow #oksoon #learningpatience #sortof (at San Onofre Nuclear Boobs) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4fMFBvFwRE/?igshid=h1mqyeyrk6b

[jonboyford]

#forreal #rollwithit #itsgoingtogetbetter #focus #kcco

[sylviasellzhomes]

#springishere #itsgoingtogetbetter #itsaboutyou #relationshipovertransaction #www.ryndockrealty.com #whereourheartisinyourhome #sylviasellzhomes #sellers#buyers #realestateagent #ontarionyrealestateagent #waynecountyny #houseexpert #thehelpfulagent #realtormom (at Ryndock Realty, LLC) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-uHQAdp4MS/?igshid=1oravmopo5a2k

[deonispredes10dbygod]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Deon is PreDes10dByGOd™ (@deonispredes10dbygod)

#Repost @jamalhbryant Say it Loud ....I’m black and I’m proud! -James brown Our lives begin to end the day we become silent on the things that matter! - Martin Luther King jr #AbsoluteTruth #Truth #Facts #itsGoingToGetBetter #itwillhappen #HaveFaith #itsNotSundayButYouNeedToHearThis https://www.instagram.com/p/ByiBKuWnAaN/?igshid=1q1nr6op8zsgz

[gr8estpoetalive]

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A post shared by James Gordon (@greatestpoetalive)

Stay in the ball game. Only way you can win! #keeppunching #everforward #hanginthere #itsgoingtogetbetter #jamesgordon #motivation (at Chicago, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnJUvhLHVkY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=d4vkukwmelst

[julissadesigns]

More Yellow in the works , thank you for making it a popular color 💛 #positivevibes #hope #itsgoingtogetbetter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #madeindanbury #yellow #facemasks #facemask #julissadesigns #madeindanbury #madeinct #handmadewithjoann #perfectpleats #sewing #glorytoGod (at Julissadesigns LLC) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_gBC4ngWjl/?igshid=1pu4lhoxexkyj

[letitgocoach]

Do Your Best

Time seems to be flying by. It’s Friday, and it seems like I was looking at the weekend just the other day. As you know, I love weekends, but there is this one part that I don’t love.

My job.

I am grateful to work from home, but my job has an ironic twist to it. I care for angry people. Thursday through Sunday, I’m a virtual assistant, and I respond to the angry emails.

Maybe that sounds like a…

[jswithdvondach]

When the only thing going good in the morning is your eye-makeup... it's going to be 👌 Love this lip shade too! #revlon #revloneyes #revlonmattelipstick #goingtobeagoodday #itsgoingtogetbetter #minimalisticmakeup #beautifulday #crazymorning

[peppersfilledwithcheese-blog]

I'm sick of people saying it's going to get better than this, because the truth is it probably won't. I've hit the stage now when I really couldn't give less of a shit about whether it's going to get better or not because I'm not staying in this dead beat town all my fucking life I'm not going to marry the boy that I meet a college. No. I'm going to leave, I'm going to go live somewhere where things actually happen, I never really liked the countryside it always reminds me of everyone's hopes for me that I'm not going to be able to make true. So he's I'll leave and the reality is it might not get better when I leave but it will be something different, something new to make me miserable and that's become enough for me. And you, you won't have an impact on me there because I will no longer be the girl you used to know.

[niighte]

Sending love to those who need a little extra today 💜 || #loveyouguys #itsgoingtogetbetter