#its weird though it usually only happens when im naked

[blkkizzat]

Kali losing her virginity story time when

sis lmfao it's not glamorous... ngl i 18 and i was crossfaded af at a college party and "superman" by eminem was playing.

LMFAO A MESS, ill talk about it but i don't wanna trigger anyone so under the cut. tw sex under the influence; dubcon

i probably wasn't in the right mind frame to consent or anything tbh (so please dont be like me stay safe). well, honestly now that i think about it, i think it was just that last bong hit that had me out of my mind. although i was already naked atp lol so i was down to have sex. but right after that's when i blacked out and when i came to i was literally moaning as ol'boy had a mouth full of my pussy hjdfasdjhfasdjh. i just wanted to lose my v and get it over with so i was happy to go with the flow. (disclaimer: back in the day when i was drinking hard dark liquor and mixed it with weed i would literally black out, but not go unconscious but just lose that time and not know wtf i was doing for the last 20 mins. But people have told me i was talking/acting like normal so idk.bdjhsdfjh but it happened then too. its only happened to me like 3-4 times tbh all when i binge drank heavy in college and smoked a fuckton of weed. so no it wasn't like i was unconscious and he was hooking up with me anyway).

that said, ngl that was some of the best sex i ever had in college. high sex is always great for me tbh and i dont remember it hurting much (but he had also just ate me out for like 45 min) but i think me and ol'boy just had good natural chemistry. he lived on the 3rd floor and my friends on the first floor said they heard me kfjhsdkjshdfkvjhsd.

one awkward asf thing though is the guy did not know i was a virgin and i would have told him if i wasnt so fucked up fjkhrfkdhgkdf.

also just wanna note, im not sad or upset at all. i always gave zero fucks about the construct of virginity (personally, please if you want it to be nice and special that is your preference and nothing is wrong with that). and sidenote thats why other than the one virgin!reader fic i will write (she wont really give af either tho tbh), i dont like writing virgin!reader cause i dont believe in idealizing it.

honestly i just wanted to lose it cause up until that point i was scared to use a tampon and was tired of being in the bloody dirt trenches with pads fhsdfjkhasfjaksh. like it wasnt even about "losing my virginity to a tampon", i was just scared to put it in. but literally got my period a week later and was like "well a dick has been in me" and found the courage to put it in. i was a silly bitch im fully aware LOL!

but i will say, it was this weird thing after where i felt bad for NOT feeling bad. like i had other friends who idealized virginity so much (then were all pikachu face when they found out i didnt want to tell them i had sex), i felt like there was something wrong with me for not thinking it was a big deal. even sometimes now, i wont want to discuss it just because so may people do idolize it its annoying to have to deal with their reactions and reassure them "no i dont feel like i was SA'd, no i dont regret it, yes i actually enjoyed the experience."

however i will say now im in the middle.

these days im alot more selective with who i fuck as personally i subscribe to the ideas of tantra/tantric sex. That while you can have sex without emotions, you can't have it without an energy exchange. sometimes ive felt shitty after one-night stands or liked the friends with bennies for the pleasure in sex but felt off after. i realized that those feelings weren't due to guilt from slut-shaming but the fact that their energy was off and it was now having an effect on me. so rn im DTF 100%—but yo energy gotta be right. and usually i cant tell that just from the bar or first meeting so ive been waiting more.

i rambled again jsdhsdjhbj but oh well.

[batfamtv]

me after writing smut: is this who i am? is this who i represent? lmao i've never written smut until trese, i guess the thirst was too much, let me know how y'all like it! thank you so much for all your support, ily <3

(ﾉ´ з `)ノ

kambal x reader; established relationship

gif by @rasputinaillyanna (see their original gifsets here!)

sfw

the three idiots

seriously, alexandra feels like she keeps aging 20+ years whenever you three are together and goofing around

this is one of the reasons why you’re not allowed on the field with them, they’d get absolutely nothing done

that, and the twins simply wont put you in danger under any circumstances

alexandra also treats you like a sister (in law) and wants you safe, but can only do so much to keep you out of their lives since you still find ways to help them out

absolutely rowdy when you’re with basilio, you and him practically have a lot of inside jokes and a secret language

people would give you both weird looks when you’re out in public, just because you’re both so damn loud

with crispin you’re more mature (but not a lot), he does these grand gestures like taking you out on expensive dates, takes instagram/pinterest style pics of you

basilio also takes pics of you, but those are some of the most unflattering ones that he sends to your groupchat as memes

the ppl who arent familiar with your relationship with the twins are almost often confused when they see you with just the one twin: they’d think “huh i saw this couple a week ago, but i could have sworn the boyfriend had much shorter hair, it couldn’t have grown that long in a week, right?”

when you do go out with the twins, they flank you and you almost get squished in between them, so sometimes you have to push them both to the sides so that you would have space to move around

the three of you like to just chill at the mall sometimes, go window shopping and then eat samgyup/mang inasal later on

other times when you manage to drag alexandra with you, people would assume that you guys are on a double date, and alexandra has the ugliest/most disgusted look on her face as she corrects them “these are my brothers” “im gay”

in your groupchat (just you and the twins) crispin is the sweet, doting one who would text you “have you eaten?” “want us to pick something up for you on the way home?” while basilio sends you memes and selfies of the twins

they send you videos and pics of pets they meet “today we met brownie and blackie”

with regards to living arrangements, the twins have separate rooms (basilio’s is the messy one, smells weird)

when you moved in, alexandra offered you your own room, and most of the time that’s where the boys stay anyway

the bed is much larger than theirs because it needs to accommodate all three of you

you three try to cook meals for ate alexandra, but it almost always turns out disastrous - mostly when basilio insists on helping

so you always make him run errands (“can you go pick up some more garlic and magic sarap”) while you and crispin man the stoves

you braid basilio’s hair while crispin tunes his guitar!!

and you spend a couple of hours listening to crispin play the guitar, basilio’s head now resting on your lap

crispin’s movie taste are like *film* and *poetic cinema* while basilio might enjoy movies that are so bad they’re good, but you three are all suckers for superhero ensemble movies and horror movies

the boys become really annoying when watching filipino horror movies because they like to point out mistakes in the film “aswangs dont do that” “why would you go there all alone are you stupid???”

“please boys i just wanna watch the movie”

a huge cuddle pile

both boys run hot, so during cold nights (that never happen, bc you live in the philippines) you’re all warm and toasty between them

both light sleepers! they were pretty heavy sleepers when they were kids/teenagers, but the occupational hazard of their jobs require them to be ready at a moment’s notice

they still, however, snore quite loudly

crispin doesn’t ever tend to move positions when sleeping, he wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in

basilio rotates around the bed like hands of a clock

most often falls off the bed, but clumsily climbs back up and cuddles you

really really simpy when it comes to you, though most of the time it’s just you three sharing one brain cell (it’s with you, mostly), they can be quite romantic and cheesy if they want to

crispin probably has his brother as just “Basilio” on his phone, and “Y/N ❤️" for you

basilio has “my love ❤️😍😘💘 ” for you and crispin’s number isn’t even registered lol

nsfw under the cut

nsfw

threesome? threesome

boys barely do anything separately and usually just have a Single Thought in both their heads, so if one is horny, the other one is 69% (lol) horny as well

you realize that crispin doesn’t like to be teased at work, but basilio enjoys it so much

you find this out when you’re alone and horny, so you send a pic of you touching yourself to the boys in your groupchat

crispin sees it first, but doesn’t say anything?? he honest to god just left you on read

meanwhile basilio also sees your pic not too long after and you quickly get a “what the fuck” as a reply from him

like 10 mins later he sends you a pic of him in what looks like a washroom and his cock is straining in his pants

he texts you “had to find a washroom so fucking fast so that ate alex and the police captain doesn’t see me so fucking hard in my pants” and “wanna eat you pussy babe”

crispin does text you when the three are on their way home, not mentioning the picture you sent “we’re on our way home”

and at first you thought he is mad at you bc he didn’t bring the nude up?? does he not want you anymore :(

but the moment they arrive crispin all but sprints to your shared bedroom and sees you there, in your underwear

holds your cheeks in one hand, “what the fuck was that baby, hmm? what did you send us?”

you try to ask if he’s mad bc you sent him a nude, ask him if there’s anything wrong, but he just lets your face go as he takes his suit off, basilio finds his way to your room, locks it, and gives you a kiss

basilio whispers “missed you baby” against your mouth before moving away to undress

crispin, now fully naked in front of you, makes you suck his cock, which is hard and twitching, its tip leaking with precum, he makes you place both his hands on your head, “do you know how surprised i was when i saw a text from you and it’s a picture of you touching your cunt? hmm?” he sighs as he sees you looking up at him, eyes watering as you struggle to take all of his cock down your throat “i had to stop myself from getting hard in front of everyone, baby, basilio couldn’t even do that”

basilio huffs but the boys reposition you so you’re in bed and on your back, crispin kneeling to your side, his cock still throbbing in your mouth, basilio positions himself between your thighs, moaning when he sees how wet you are

basilio removes your panties before rushing to sniff your cunt, groaning in delight--you’re sure his eyes roll to the back of his head before he dives into your cunt

you moan into crispin’s cock and he grunts, shoving more of his cock into your mouth, now moving faster, “i really wanna cum down your throat baby, would you let me?”

you nod and he pushes his cock all the way into your mouth, your nose practically touching his groin and pubes

you gag, for a moment panicked as you try to breathe in, while crispin just eyes you, his cock growing ever harder when he looks at your face wet with tears and drool, he grabs your hair, softly at first, to make sure you’re okay, and when you nod crispin groans as he sets up his pace, groaning as he feels his orgasm building

basilio, meanwhile, is licking and sucking your clit with three fingers knuckles deep in your cunt, and when he starts to feel you spasming, a telltale sign that your orgasm is approaching, he pulls his mouth and fingers out and quickly replacing them with his fat cock

immediately, you and basilio both groan, your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel yourself so full of cock

basilio curses under his breath before taking your legs and resting them against his shoulders “fuck, y/n, im sorry i’m not gonna last long” “your pussy got me so fucking hard you tasted so good baby, you know how much i love your little pussy, right?”

crispin groans at this before he pulls his cock out of your mouth, leaning down to kiss you, he then moves down your neck and your tits, making sure he marks your chest

basilio whimpers and thrusts three more times before releasing a long groan, his cum exploding deep in your pussy “fuck baby you feel so good” he manages to pull out and you see his cock wet with his cum and your juices before settling beside you, panting harshly

you barely had the type to recuperate before crispin flips you on your stomach, making sure your face is resting on the pillows before he thrusts into you with a grunt

“fuck, still a tight little pussy after basilio rammed your cunt, huh?”

your eyes rolling, you couldnt do much other than hold onto the sheets and basilio’s hand, moaning loudly when you feel crispin’s fingers on your clit

“can you take one more, y/n? can your pussy take one more load?”

speechless, you nod, trying to grind your ass against crispin’s hips, but his hands on your hips hold you firm

he grunts approvingly, “good baby, take it deep in your pussy okay? and cum on my cock, baby, i wanna feel it”

you cum on his cock, almost violently, and twins groan at the sound of your moaning, and the sight of you spasming and shaking on crispin’s cock

a couple of deep thrusts later, crispin also cums deep into your pussy, his cum now mixed with basilio’s

crispin moves to get a washcloth to clean the three of you up, before all three of you collapse in bed, huddled together, basilio with his arms wrapped from behind--already falling asleep, you rest your head against crispin’s arm

“so, no more nudes when you’re at work?”

crispin laughs softly before pressing a kiss on your forehead, “unless your cunt is ready to take two cocks at once, no nudes when we’re at work”

[estrel]

It’s in the Knowing (that Wishes Come True)

destiel december 2020 prompt: sledding + spn advent calendar 2020 prompt: wishes wc: ~1.4k

[READ ON AO3] 

“Dean, you had,” Sam huffs, “infinite possibilities at your disposal. And you wished for–for this?”

Dean’s a little confused, too, looking out at the mountains. Almost every inch is covered with a layer of snow, but by far, the hill they’re standing on has the thickest blanket. Dean’s feet sink into it a little when he shifts his weight, studying their surroundings.

Apart from the clearing they’re in, the place is littered with trees. Dean’s gaze follows the trunks up, until he’s looking at the sky, which is quickly losing light. He thinks he can make out the beginning twinkles of constellations, and when he laughs, a puff of frosty breath obscures them for a moment before fading off.

Then he smells it—something like firewood, he thinks, and turns towards it. Eyes still searching the tops of the trees, Dean catches sight of a thin column of smoke, likely from a cabin nearby.

A few feet away from them, a tree branch packed with snow loses its hold, and the whump of the snow hitting the ground startles Dean out of his thoughts.

“I don’t know, man,” Dean says, “It’s not like I really had a choice. I just, you know, just had this thought, I guess, and now…we’re here.”

He turns back to Sam, who focuses on Dean once more, seemingly having caught sight of the smoke too.

“I’m assuming…those have something to do with it?”

Dean’s eyes follow the direction Sam’s finger is pointing to, which is a somewhere on the ground and behind Dean, off to his left. Just at the edge of the hill sit two sleds—the old, wooden kind that seem like they’re always one good bump away from splintering into a million pieces, but somehow never do.

He chuckles, moving towards them to check them out, when Sam urgently pats his shoulder. Dean swivels around, taking in Sam’s confused—but not shocked—expression, and once more tracks his stare to see what he’s looking at. 

Dean finds himself mirroring his brother, but otherwise smiling despite himself.

“What took you so long?” He hears himself say, feels Sam looking at him weird in response. If this was his “wish,” then this only made sense—it’d just been a matter of waiting for him to show up.

Cas levels him with a stare that says ‘really?’ and Dean moves to meet him half way.

“Jackets,” Cas says, handing Dean a thick black one that looks like it’s meant for snow. Dean takes it. “And Jack,” Cas adds. With a gentle tilt of his head, Dean looks over and sees Jack, not too far away, walking briskly towards them with something small in his hands.

“You two always come out here practically naked,” Cas says, leaving Dean and handing Sam his own jacket. “And the lumberjack outfits are fine for when it’s any other season, but you do realize it’s the dead of winter, right?”

“Well, you…” Dean starts, about to tell him off for the dress shoes and trench coat he’s never seen without, except that Cas isn’t wearing them, he’s…

“Cas, is that—are those—are you wearing boots?” Sam asks, a lilt of amusement in his voice.

Cas looks down, frowning. “These are my snow boots. Dean got them for me last Christmas.” He shoots Dean a confused glance, as though Dean should be in on this, and Sam was the one acting deluded. Dean can’t really bring himself to care, too busy smiling at the rest of Cas’ outfit.

He’s about to comment on the snow pants, which are black and baggy over Cas’ lower half, but Jack makes it to them just in time, pushing something into Cas’ chest.

“You forgot your beanie,” Jack explains, and then looking up at them, “I thought you guys came out ahead of us so you could ‘get the sleds ready.’ Cas and I started on the cookies so they should be done by the time we get back.”

Dean watches Cas slip the beanie on, losing his breath a little at the sight. The thought occurs to him—when he’s looking long enough to notice Cas’ red nose and ears and cheeks—that angels don’t usually get cold.

“Hang on—you left the oven on unattended?” Sam says. Pulling his eyes away from Cas, Dean chuckles at the wild look on Sam’s face, like he’s half ready to bolt for the cabin to stop it from catching fire.

“Of course not.” Jack frowns at him like he should know better. “I charmed it with the spell you taught me. It’ll shut off automatically when it’s done.”

Sam relaxes, forcing a smile. “Right. Uh, Dean? Can we talk for a second?”

Dean follows him around to the nearest tree, which is far enough away that Jack and Cas probably won’t hear them over their own conversation (Dean thinks he hears something about hot chocolate) if they talk quietly enough.

“We can’t stay here,” Sam says, “We have to find a way out.”

Dean wets his lips, “I know, Sammy, but…” He looks over at Jack and Cas.

Sam is quiet for a second before he notes, “You want to stay.”

He shrugs. “Just…just for a little while longer. We can–we can go sledding, eh? We haven’t done that since we were kids! And then—then we can figure out a way out of here.”

Sam has a look of growing concern on his face, something Dean thinks is teetering too close to pity.

“What?” He jokes, “You’re telling me you don’t wanna see those two sled? It’s not for us, Sam, it’s for the nerdy angels over there.”

His brother manages a smile, which is a relief. “Sure,” he says gently. Dean pretends not to hear it, heading now for the sleds and waving them all over.

He pulls the sleds apart, placing them each by the hill’s edge, but not so close that sitting on them would be enough to send them flying down the slope.

“Okay,” Dean starts, “How do we want to do this?”

Dean knows the answer before anyone says it. Better stated: he knows his wish before anyone else does.

“The logical route would be to pair up,” Cas says seriously, “You and Sam have done this before, so each of you gets a sled.”

Dean feels his chest go tight with anticipation for a second, and then it subsides. He nods.

“Good idea. Who—”

“I’ll go with Jack,” Sam interrupts, a wry smile on his face. Dean quirks his lips in a smile, cocking his head to the side in a mild ‘screw you’ gesture to his brother. He turns to Cas.

“Well, hop on then Louise and we’ll sail off this cliff together,” Dean says. He waits for the recognition to spark in Cas’ eyes and he smiles—for real this time—as Cas situates himself in the front of the sled. He spares Jack and Sam a glance, amused at how Sam is struggling not to take up most of the sled with his legs, before sitting down behind Cas. 

And he stays like that for a moment, sitting awkwardly and gathering his courage, until he musters up enough to wrap his legs around him.

“I’m nervous,” he hears Jack say. Dean thinks, Me too. Sam laughs and reassures Jack that it’ll be fine.

“Okay, uh, you’re gonna have to lean back once we kick off, alright?” Dean instructs, trying to remember how to do this. 

“You promise I won’t fall?” 

Dean swallows. “Nah. I’ll hang on to you.”

“Let’s race,” Sam says. He can feel him staring and avoids Sam’s gaze. He’ll blame the tint on his cheeks and ears on the cold, if Sam ever asks. 

Dean scoffs, “You’ll lose.”

“Prove it,” Sam responds, and then he’s pushing off and leaving them in the dust.

Dean’s surprised by the laugh that escapes him, and then he’s pushing off too, and he and Cas are propelled down the snowy slope after the others.

Cas leans back as instructed. Dean’s pretty sure the guy can feel the rush of his heartbeat with his back on Dean’s chest like that, but Dean can also feel Cas’ steel grips on his legs, nails digging into his shins. 

He laces an arm around Cas’ chest, pressing him closer. “I’ve got you!” he reminds him. 

There’s a beat, and then over the sound of the wind whipping against their faces, Cas says, “I know.”

-

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[bmpmp3]

Do you have any tips for drawing bodies from multiple angles?

WROTE A LOT SORRY its under a cut!

honestly i dont have the most practice with it since a good 70% of what i draw is characters wait up standing looking 3/4s left or right orz BUT some things that helped with the few interesting poses i draw once every fiscal quarter IS.....life drawing orz

specifically life drawing sessions where you do a bunch of quick gestural figures (like a 60 second timer each pose) at the beginning and then slowly increase the time for later poses, like 2 minutes, then five, where you slowly increase the amount of detail and rendering each pose, and then one or two long 10 minute ones where you go all out. i think that kinda structure helps a lot to 1) warm you up and get loosey goosey with ur lines and 2) get in the zone to think about how bodies work without overwhelming urself - like in the 1 minute sketches you could basically only get a weird stick figure, in the 2 minute ones maybe you might get a little more definition in the sillhouette, at the 5 minute poses you got some folds of the flesh implied with a few lines and a bit of hatching, and by the 10 minute ones ur really thinking about how the different parts of the body all interact because you already did some practice (the previous poses) if that makes sense?

ALAS we are in a world situation where cramming 40 people in a room to silently draw one naked person for three hours is not......happening (at least not where i live) so for the past couple years ive had to make do with online resources, which arent half bad! theyre not quite the same, for me at least (i think in person i can see more interesting angles) but they do the job! here's some I've used:

http://reference.sketchdaily.net/en

https://line-of-action.com/practice-tools/figure-drawing

https://quickposes.com/en

https://youtu.be/mNNSwITdPIM (linking this channels clothed references so no one gets a surprise titty in the face but normally i personally use nude references) (although recently ive been using some clothed references as well just because i realized im so out of practice drawing clothes hsjlkfBJKLFJSFKLD)

figure drawing and life drawing and especially gesture drawing is also something thats kinda tricky to learn if no one ever taught you (and honestly its tricky if someone DID teach you lol) so maybe someday i'll get around to trying to explain what ive learned myself if that could help someone

ive tried using 3d models but ive never foudn them that useful, probably for the same reason i prefer irl models to pictures (easier to see whats goin on) BUT sometimes it can help as a rough guideline if ur doing a weird angle youve never done before!!

SPEAKING of guidelines. guidelines are ur friend. guidelines r ur lifeblood. guidelines will always help even if u dont follow half of them they are SO helpful - I OFTEN find myself kinda skipping them, like you can see here in this drawing i havent erased the sketch from yet that i drew a circle and then a line for shoulders and gave up (probably impatient lol):

BUT guidelines can help so much~ when im drawing a full pose i'll usually have guidelines that really are no more than stick figures like basically like:

stick figures with dots for joints and maybe some rough lines here and there like it doesnt need to be nice or perfect since its just gonna get erased anyway~ it helps me keep track of how bones work hjfsdskjvfdfs

OH and artist mannequins.....like 3d models theyve also never done me any good like those wooden ones? I hate em theyre so stiff and i dunno what to do with them BUT.....okay...action figures? not bad....like maybe not so much with anatomy but if you have a doll or action figure with good articulation you can kinda use that to help out with funky poses sometimes!! like i have this one gundam and honestly....even though its a mecha with a giant mecha dong or whatevers going down there its like....not a horrible mannequin for poses jfksdlfjrfkehjklsd

WITH REGARDS TO foreshortening.......................................we are all on our own with that one orz LIKE i have tried every trick in the book, every funky tip and method and technique and none have worked for me so i just wing it jhkDmFJKDLS WELL actually having like a page of really sloppy loose stick figure sketches where you experiment with proportions helps a lot!! i do that with weird poses or angles, like dont worry about about how it looks HELL unfocus ur eyes. unfocus ur eyes. i do that all the time while drawing and its great it helps you see the big picture and the silhouette without focusing too much on one thing~

anyway yeah i dunno i guess a lot is just experimentation but hopefully some of these resources might be useful!!

[the-fiction-witch]

NSFW 100 Benny Watts

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? I don't know, I don't think about strangers all that often I'm usually busy, I think the worst would just be when I kinda get the thought In my head of, Hu. I'd fuck that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? At night, when the work is done fkr the day, dinners done, and we can go to bed and fuck for a while and go right to sleep after, that's a good evening.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? I think we both know it's when people play with my hair, I don't know why, the come here eyes don't do anything, hinting doesn't do anything, you start playing with my hair I'm literally hard in my pants within seconds.

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? That's a good question. Probably just fantasying about beating my aponent and then taking them back to the hotel room and raw fucking them bent over the table, or likewise them beating me and taking me back to the room and riding on my dick for several hours. Either is good.

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I am my own boss I guess. But if we are saying the people I play against are co workers then yes. Yes I would.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? It depends why I'm horny. If I'm horny for an actual reason then I'll have to go see who it was causing it, but if it's just like a random everyday boner then no I ignore it, people can't see it though my jeans, can they? If they can great the can look at my dick and be jealous.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom? No. I don't masturbate a whole lot and never in public mostly because... Have you seen male public bathrooms? That shit is gross!

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself? Chess. Whenever I do actually masturbate it's usually at night, when I'm alone, my works done and I can't get to sleep so I yeah I mess around a little usually while going over chess games in my head, I don't need to imagine anything when I do it I just do it, the touching on its own gets me horny enough, so my head just does it own thing and I usually just think about chess plays.

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? Well pillows. I think that's it pillows and my hand. Or Beth harmon, I'm kidding Beth's great.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? No I don't. I don't think I ever like had a moment of Hu Im aroused, it just started happening and eventually I noticed to be fair I have been in a constant mood of I wanna fuck things since I was like fourteen. Not sure why? Maybe I'm just really horny and refuse to deal with it?

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? Now that depends because I did it alot in my sleep when I was younger, but the first actual time when I was fully awake and aware what I was doing it was probably Ali, a girl who used to work up at the bar down the street from my apartment, I was having a drink after a championship one or the few times I'd been in there even if the first few times I was underage, and we got talking about this and that and... We went to the bathrooms together, I miss ali, not for the sex but she was always so nice to me. Still I have a better girl now.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? Fucking amazing! And now... Now I have a problem because now I wanna do it all the time.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew? A few times, hotels after championships, airports and the like, I've picked up the odd girl or too I didn't know but it's fine. I think I picked up someone's wife at a competition once?

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? How simple it is. With a quickie both people involved know what this is, we both just wanna fuck and get our release so it's very much a simple understanding, sometimes you have sex with people and they assume that means you give a shit? It doesn't we fucked doesn't mean I like you, it means I was horny, you where horny and now it's over.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done? Airplane sex! That was intense because those bathrooms are not sound proof in the slightest, you have to be dead silent or everyone can hear you fucking your girlfriend.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers? Maybe... when I was a lot younger

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks? Sometimes depends on the stranger, but more often people I know, like people I've had sex with before or you know my girlfriend, but to be fair I'm never not mentally undressing y/n?

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them? Sometimes, again much more likely people I know and alot less now I have y/n, before her yeah pretty much everyone but now I'll strip some people in my head every so often but only imagine y/n.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah, many times, towens is a great kisser, also gives amazing blow jobs.

20. What inspires you to make the first move? Ask them! Literally I do not get all the hinting and the cute eyes and shit just.mm you want to fuck me just ask me to have sex! It's just that simple. Why does it need to be complicated.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed? Making it good for you but also for your partner people forget about that sometimes you not just in it for you they want some too don't be a ick and just get yourself off, you have to make it good for them too, that and consent is important, not just to start the sex but also during, you don't know if she likes spanking, you don't know of she wants like her hair pulled or her boobs felt ext. Ask don't just do it.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself? .... Yes. But it was always in relationships that weren't all that serious, or where fairly open anyway, I cheated on beth do I care? No! Because she fucked harry so I kinda think that's fair? It's only in that kinda situation but if I hadn't I would have my sweet y/n, and I'll never cheat on her.

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush? No.. that just seems weird.

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

I do not have a go to fantasy, except maybe my little kitten snuggling up with me

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Not a lot really, because porn isn't... that great at the moment I do not have time do go to like the weird little theatre's that play them, the best bet really is things like hustler and various magazines you can pick up in newsagents... which I admit I am partial too having a flip though sometimes.

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

No always open

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times yes, But I have found I much rather be handcuffed, I like when y/n handcuffs me to our bed, I like blindfolding her though, maybe handcuffing her too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Sometimes, depends what's said

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex god?

Yeah? How about we go handcuff you to our bed sugar and see how much whispering in your ear you can take before your dripping for me?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Benny, I want you to fuck me Hard! and when we're done don't pull out I want us to fall asleep with you inside me so tomorrow we can fuck again without you ever leaving me, so You can be inside me all night long"

Yeah... that was hot. to be fair I did eat her out and edge her for like half an hour so, I don't blame my kitten for going a little cock crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

Once. Okay if you have sex by a pool you have to accept there might be people in here hotel rooms who overlook the pool who can see you!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

Does three ways count? because for some of that I was watching Beth and Clio have sex so...  yes?

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

Depends who it was? Towens and his boyfriend? yes! Beth and Clio? Yes! Beth and Jolene? Yes! Harry and Beth... Eh I'd think about it? But I guess nowadays We'd be the dirty couple asking for a third? won't we kitten?

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"so Perfect I wish I could have you inside me forever"

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Ummm very very fun. Would you like that kitten? a nice hotel room? all our chess friends? and getting everyone to have a nice orgy? Well I'd be happy to it would be fun, but... you know I don't share kitten.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Yes many times

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Uhh maybe a drink, some good sex and then get up in the morning maybe a little spooning, maybe round two if they want to, cup of coffee then fuck off out my house I got shit to do.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Uhh About ten minuets? with y/n well usual a good half hour but sometimes my little kitten's mean to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Hair. Playing with my hair. I don't get why I  get hard for it but I do? and... when y/n sticks her tounge out again no clue why just whenever I see her do it it means she being a little brat. Or if she does it unintentionally I can't help looking at it thinking how dirty that tounge of her's has been...

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

No!

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Not woke up humping it. I have been spooning it a lot, and been humping it the previous night but no never woke up humping it

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Ohh god years ago, I don't do that anymore, well I did actually not so long ago but that wasn't me that was my kitten who was too impatient for me to wake up

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

Moaning the wrong name... yeah I did not live that down. I'm sorry towens! you look a lot like harry from the back, you two have similar hair... and similar asses.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Many many times! y/n likes to watch me, but she always strips for me or touches herself too so I've got something nice to watch

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

Y/n sent me some polaroid's of herself in a park, in a sundress and... nothing else, and I mean nothing, Yellow sundress, striped thigh high socks and nothing... no bra, no panties, fuck I'm getting hard just thinking about those pictures.

I think it was then I really did realize, yeah I love this girl, and I'm going to marry her!

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Both are good, they have there draw backs but more likely amateur because I like my kitten.

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

Tounge! Need I repeat my weird like of tounges but... when she's licking and swirling it around fuck! I get loud! and god it makes me cum quick.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Noooo! don't make a me choose!

But I love when my kitten handcuffs me and rides me till she's satisfied!

and I also love bending her over the table and ordering her to cum!

I can't choose! there both soo good...

I guess if I had to. Dominate but only because It's slightly more options of stuff to do and because I like calling her kitten.  

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

anything with like piss and shit can fuck right off I don't know how anyone is into that! but anything else in the world my kitten want's she can have it just not that.

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Its kinda something I really really want but also really don't want, I like the idea of it but it would be horrible. I kinda have a fantasy about Y/n, inviting some... friends over, and letting them all... have there fun with me? literally like tie me to the bed, y/n, beth, clio, jolene, really anyone else towen's too if he's down, just everyone can just use me as a literally cock slave and I would be so fucking happy I would let everyone fuck me!

But that would not go well, I can't stay hard that long, and the girls would fight, and... it wouldn't be good.

so other then that... Ummmm I wanna take y/n to central park! in that sundress.. see how long we can last before I bend her over and fuck my little kitten.

52. How many people have you slept with?

I have stopped counting.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

A Plane bathroom? bar bathroom? that time we did it in a pool? I don't know I've had sex lots of weird places?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her tounge she knows how much I like it . Her pussy, Ummm her pussy's so sweet I could eat my little kittens pussy for hours, and it feels so good around me I mean I fucked her and never ever want another girl ever again, she turned me! someone who fucked around for fun into a one girl guy would would never dream of cheating on my sweet little wifey.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, many times, It's the one thing about being in a committed relationship that I miss being with a girl, I miss anal. But I'm sure we could get a toy so she can still do it.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Sundress! I love her little sundress! and nothing else.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

hair... Or my hips, I love when she touches my hips

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I don't care.

59. When did you first had sex?

I was sixteen, and it was a bar bathroom. But it was amazing!

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The first time I had sex with y/n, the first time that we actually had sex we were in a little hotel in Cali, and it was amazing! she was so amazing, I'd never felt so good in my life!

61. What's your favourite position?

I love from the side, its so good when it's an early morning or, if we're both a little lazy, we start off spooning then have a few kisses and then after a couple of minuets she's screaming for me.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never,

63. Do you watch porn?

No! it's hard to find the places, and there always full of perverts.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

I look at magazines. Or my little kitten. Oohhh we could make a porno?

65. How often do you masturbate?

Not very often, once a month maybe

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I want to try a weird like upside down thing

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

Give! I love hearing her scream! I love when she does it took but I like taking care of her better.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times, I wish we could more often but it's going to one of the warmer places becuase... new York is too fucking cold for that shit! but last time we where in paris in the summer we went skinny dipping and it's so fun, unfortunately it doesn't last long because one of us breaks and just has sex.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Oohh I think four times, i do not have the like replenishment ability to do anymore then that.

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I know I'm loud but I like her to know how good she's making me feel, besides' she's louder.

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

No, that seems... sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

Voice, and looks I guess.

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like calling y/n kitten, and I love torturing her!

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I think I've probably gone... very very far.

75. What's your favourite toy?

well my little kitten is my toy. But I do enjoy this little toy we got recently that turns me into a little vibrator for her, i like it because well it makes me hard as fuck and she likes it because I slightly vibrate inside her, and it rubs on her clit for me which Is good because sometimes my hands are... preoccupied.

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

I've read stories people send into magazines about fucking stewardesses and hotel maids? does that count?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

Yes I have, I think by now I'm probably like a platinum member?

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

Yes I can. I have tried. Many times. but I can't anymore... my kitten doesn't bother with panties anymore

79. Would you say you're kinky?

Do. do I need to answer this question or does everything else here answer that enough?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

Not really no. The water never stays hot, the shower spray means one of you is always cold, it's weirdly dry, it's hard to get the angle, it's just way more trouble then it's worth, I'll wait and just cuddle her in the shower then bend her over the bathtub before she puts her towel on. but! Bath sex? I like.

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

I don't really do it anywhere then my bed, or the shower.

82. Do you like to be spanked?

Yes I do, It's amazing! I like it a lot. and I also like doing it.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

Not really,

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I would let her watch of course and likely ask her to give me something to watch

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Not really I guess.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

Falling asleep afterwards is just a habit, but I have cried several times usually when it feels so amazing your eyes water.

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact is so good!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

sometimes, it depends what position as much as I love kissing during sex but some positions it just didn't really work

89. Do you get tired after sex?

Very I want a nap afterwards.

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

I think we have tried most of them

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

About six months I guess, I don't know I don't really pay attention

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Ask me for sex? or wear the sundress!

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

Lights on! I can't be trying to work in the fucking dark.

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very very much so

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I used to really like one night stands, I liked just the hello, fuck goodbye element to it. but Now I have y/n I'm happy with long term and I don't ever want anyone else.

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

I like both. Don't make me choose!

98.Rough or romantic?

I guess both we are rough but it's in a romantic way

99. Quickie or marathon session?

I love quickies, allows us to get on with other things later in the day, but one night a week we have a nice long marathon session with the toys, and the handcuffs.

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

I love how kinky and how rough we can get, but it's because we used to miss each other so badly back when we were long distance,  it became out release and to show each other just how bad we had missed one another, but it feels so good and its so amazing to make you feel so good and that you make me feel so good, I'll never need anyone else for the rest of my life now I've got you, I mean you literally made me cry it felt so good the first time we had sex, all your sexy little pictures and letter when we were apart, even if we do go a little crazy on each other sometimes,  I really do love you kitten more then anything, and I can't wait for us to get married, and for our honeymoon.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 20

lmao last time i did one of these was February there is a lot

Anonymous said: What's your collab process when you and other creators make packs? Like how do you decide to do it together and how do you split up the ideas and everything?

I’m going to answer another ask outside of this post that details this but I’ll answer this one here too. The way me and ayoshi do packs is not like a usual collab (in my opinion I don’t think people collab like this). I am good at making meshes. So usually I make a mesh for something and ayoshi makes a base texture that I can use to finish the base of the top/bottom and then we work together to fix any texture issues. Nothing we’ve made has ever been 100% mine or 100% his except for the hairs. Sometimes a mesh is easy but the texture requires a lot of work so it’s more work for him, sometimes I decide I want to try and texture something (like with this AxA I made textures for some of the clothes) and then ayoshi will clean the texture up for me and add some shading for me. So it’s a lot different than what I imagine most collabs are. But I love the way me and him work together and the ability to change something I don’t like because it isn’t just his, it’s ours. 

Anonymous said: I'm so excited for your new AxA collab that female hair is stunning!!

Anonymous said: I s2g if it werent for your cc my sims would just have to walk around naked lmao you literally make the game playable for me, so thank you ❤❤❤❤❤

thank you!!! Assuming the 2nd ask is about AxA too because that’s the only time I make clothes lmao. Excited for you guys to see everything this week. 

Anonymous said: Do you know anyone who recolours your hairs? They’re so gorgeous I’d love to see them in more colours! Xx

I usually reblog recolors of my hair at @aharris00britneyrecolors​.

Anonymous said: I'm a sucker for your sim Bella. Every time I see Bella as your hair models, I click and download

Anonymous said: Hi, sorry to bother, are you planning on uploading your Bella Sim Anytime soon? Love your content!

Bella is a queen, she’s a streamer in my game at the AH00B house. I don’t think I’m going to upload my Sims anymore though :( I have a ton of sliders and presets in my game and I have no idea which ones I use. I have 3 of the ones I know I use listed on my resource page but there are so many more and I don’t want to share them and they be broken in peoples games.

Anonymous said: will there be an axa this year im in desperate need of new clothes for my sims :(

I got this a few days ago before the teaser came out which I thought was funny fvghb yes there will be one

@lysssimpatico​ said: I was wondering if you might consider making the Elli hair have ombre accessory options. There aren't any cute curly ponytail ombres anywhere!

I think I tried making an ombre accessory for it when I made the hair and it didn’t fully work with the way I changed the UV maps. I’m sorry :(

Anonymous said: why the HELL is your dog so cute lemme have her please

Right? She’s an angel omg my dad is watching her while my foot heals but I miss her so much fghvbj 

Anonymous said: Your Daphne hair is so cute!!

thank you! 

Anonymous said: I have the feeling everyone knows what kind of Supernatural they would be if they were one, so what's yours?

I think I would want to be a ghost so i could fuck with people ya

Anonymous said: Does the Natilie hair need to be updated?

Nope, all the updated stuff is in my post that lists all the updated content off. Everything on my download page is up to date.

Anonymous said: Hi im just submitting an idea if you want to - i love your melanie hair and i was wondering if its possible to remove the accessory on it? im sorry if im bothering you im new to all this hope you have a nice day!!

hey :) I am pretty sure someone had to have made a hair similar to that already as it’s just the university ponytail with new ponytail on it. If not I could look into doing it sometime in the future. 

Anonymous said:I LOVE U 😍

and i love u

Anonymous said: Do you know if there’s any hair accessories (like ones that change the color of it) that work with your Elli Hair? ❤️

It comes with an accessory that changes the elastic :)

Anonymous said: Hellooo! first of all, how are you? how´s your day? i´m sorry but, do you know if someone makes maxis match hairs based in kpop videos? I´m searching for that bull all i can find is alpha hair and i´m not into alpha cc :( Thank you very much! have a great day!

I’m not sure if there are people that specifically only do that but I think there are a handful of creators that get inspired from kpop/music videos and make hairs similar to that. Cause we use EA meshes most of the time the hairs aren’t going to look exactly like the inspiration though. Like I have two hairs that are based off Go Won from loona (Go Won hair and Kelsey Hair) but i don’t think you can tell that just from looking at them. 

Anonymous said: I downloaded the new version of the sydnie braids but my game says they're corrupted and won't let me play with them in my mods folder

try to redownload and they should work, I haven’t had any other issues. 

Anonymous said: hey, i was just wondering whether you did or are thinking of doing eyelashes at any point

I am not lmao I don’t think I would be able to make my own eyelashes

Anonymous said: you are incredibly prolific. constantly amazed and delighted by your high-quality work. have a good day king

thank you!!!!

Anonymous said: aaaahh I know this is probably a long shot but I was wondering if you had the quartz eyes psd? I've been trying to find it but all of the links I've stumbled onto are dead :( thank you in advance!! ♥️ and no problem if you don't have it or can't share it :)

here is a link to a post that has the PSD

Anonymous said: the mica hair looks so cute 🥺 you’re amazing

thank you! It’s named after the main singer from Magdalena Bay ;n; i love them

@whendowestopcaring​ said: I love, love, love your work!! + your blog, aesthetic, etc. Keep it up!

thank you!!!! pink and blue all the way bb

@marsupialmother​ said: Not an ask, just a comment. All you stuff is so beautiful. Thank you for being such an amazing creator!!!

no, thank you for sending me this! I appreciate it a ton <3 have a wonderful day

Anonymous said: How long have you been creating CCs for?

I recolored a get together cardigan in Dec 2015 and started making hair in November of 2016 to promote Britney Spears lmao. So around 4-5 years. 

Anonymous said: hi!! just wanted to say i love the item index download option! thank you for your awesome cc and organization :)

You’re welcome! item indexes make things so much easier I agree, happy to help simplify things for downloaders. also they look nice so that’s a plus for me. 

Anonymous said: i love your cc, they are really beautiful but can you do more male hair cc? im just asking

I prefer doing female stuff tbh, I feel like I’m better at it and I get more ideas. But i did 4 male hairs in this upcoming AxA 2020 pack and a bunch of male clothes. I’m sorry I can’t do more :( I just don’t get inspired to make much male stuff personally.

Anonymous said: what happened to Ayoshi???

he’s in the basement working on AxA, don’t ask.  he actually just doesn’t like being on Simblr anymore but still likes making CC with me, so we just make cc on call sometimes when we get bored of a game we’re playing. he sends his regards from the basement of AH00B studios <3

Anonymous said: hello i love all your cc and you’re my favorite creator, i have a question, are you planning to make some more clothes anytime soon?

getting these while working on AxA was so funny because there are like 80 new clothes for male/female sims in it and i was like... these people don’t know what they have coming their way. thank you!

Anonymous said: 💃 How you make all your item index for your pack and collab? 💃

I make mine in Word using tables and then save as PDF. Here’s a peak at the AxA 2020 one

Anonymous said: am i on drugs or have u uploaded an eco lifestyle kids dress conversion? i remember seeing it so vividly, (the zip up kids dress), but maybe it was another creator... lol

I think that was from grimcookies! Here is a link to his eco lifestyle add on set that he made. 

Anonymous said: would you happen to know how to get rid of the weird gloss that can be on some cc hairs?

if you download Sims4Studio and open the package you can make the specular blank but that could cause issues in your game if you play on certain graphic settings. So do it with caution. 

Anonymous said: Awww we have very similar life aspirations, I just want a boring/calm life, settle down with a wife (I'm a lesbian) and become an lit teacher.

yup yup boring lifes are where it’s at. Like i just want something simple lmao if I wanted exciting I wouldn’t do teaching. 

Anonymous said: hi! i hope youre doing well! could you please tell me wcif the two toned jeans on the sim in your eco lifestyle addon collection?

They’re in AxA 2020! We have had so much of the stuff done for a while so i’ve been using it in previews for a while lmao. 

Anonymous said: WAIT is the Love Bomb palette named after the Fromis_9 song???

yessss ayoshi is their #1 fan

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love - Part 2

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Badly written Smut happens in this part!

A/N - Read More wont work sorry!

After much consideration it was agreed that Chris would be my sperm doner, we decided it would be best to do it through the clinic so that things didn't get weird with us. Disclaimers were signed by the clinic to protect Chris, we didn't want this getting out to the public/press. The actual procedure was over in a couple of minutes and then i just had to lay there for half hour, Chris stayed with me the whole time making me laugh and keeping me distracted, he was amazing! Then we just had to wait, they said we'd know in 6-12 days whether or not i was pregnant but advised to wait 2 weeks.

Today was day 14 and i was sat on my sofa with Chris holding my hand while we waited for the pregnancy test to tell us if we were pregnant or not.

"You know if your not its not a big deal, we can try again"

"You leave again Friday, we'd have to wait til your done. Thats gonna be another few months...."

"We'll make it work, i can fly you out and we can find another clinic...." he started to say until the alarm on his phone went off and i reached out for the test, as i flipped it over i felt my heart break a little at the negative result.

"Its negative" i told him sadly before covering my face with my hands as i cried. Chris pulled me into his arms straight away, my face pressed to his chest as i cried.

"Sshhh its okay" i could hear him saying, his voice slightly mumbled against the top of my head.

"Maybe I'm just not supposed to be a mom, i should just accept that this isn't meant to happen for me"

"Hey! Dont say that! This will happen, ok? This was just the first try, these things take time" he said moving back so he could look at me, his hands cradling my face as his thumb brushed away my tears.

"I don't have time Chris thats the problem" i replied sadly.

The next thing i know Chris is kissing me! And it doesn't feel weird.... or wrong.

I kiss him back my hands tugging his hair making him moan into my mouth. He lays me down on the sofa without breaking the kiss, his body resting between my legs like its the most natural thing for us to do. He starts rubbing his hips against me and i can feel how hard he is through his jeans and i want him, i moan at the feeling of him rubbing himself against my clothed pussy. Reaching up i grab his belt and start to unbuckle it, he finally sits back and looks at me as if checking I'm sure about this, i nod quickly and he free's himself from his jeans and boxers before reaching down and pulling off my shorts & panties. When i finally get a look at him my eyes go wide.....his cock is huge! The biggest ive ever had inside me and my stomach flips at the thought of what it will feel like. Chris leans back down and kisses me again as my hands wander under his t-shirt before tugging it off, he pulls off my shirt and bra tossing them behind him somewhere. His hands are grabbing and massaging my breasts as he rocks his hips against mine, his cock sliding through my slick pussy. I reach down taking hold of him and line him up with my entrance, i just needed him inside me. He pushes in and lets out the most beautiful moan ive ever heard in my life!!

"Mmmm oh fuck.... you feel like fucking heaven!.... so tight" he mumbles as he starts to thrust in and out of my tight wet pussy.

"Shit Chris..... ahhhhh" i moan grabbing his ass and pulling him closer if thats even possible "dont stop!"

"Does that feel good?"

"So fucking good! fuck me harder, i can take it" i moan as he kisses and sucks on my neck. He sits back and looks down at me, his eyes on my breasts and then he grabs my hips and does what i asked, he fucks me harder, faster while watching my breasts bounce with every thrust.

"Ah fuck I'm gonna cum.... your squeezing my cock so tight!" He said before i felt his thumb press agaisnt my clit and start rubbing quickly until i felt myself let go... i practically screamed as my orgasm hit and Chris was groaning as his hips kept pumping, he threw his head back as i felt him release inside me. He slowly came to a stop but i could feel his cock still twitching inside me as he rested his head against my shoulder trying to catch his breath. I run my fingers through his hair and pressed a kiss against his neck as i tried to catch my own breath.

"Wow" i heard him say quietly in my ear and started laughing "why haven't we been doing that before".

"Maybe because we're best friends"

"Right" he nodded "only i don't usually do this kinda thing with my friends"

"Me either"

"I mean I'm not sure if you've realised but my cock is still inside you right now..."

"Oh I'm well aware!" I said with a laugh that must have made me tense up because Chris gasped and bit down on my shoulder.

"Jesus christ woman!"

"Sorry my bad, we should probably get cleaned up and put some clothes on"

"If you insist" he carefully disconnected himself from me making me groan.

"Chris...."

"This doesn't have to be a bad thing. It didn't feel wrong to me at all..... it felt right" he says already knowing that i was going to be worried about what we do now.

"Im not saying its a bad thing or that it felt wrong...."

"So you agree that it felt right, right?"

"Yeah but is now the time to be doing this?? Chris i cant loose you, i honestly don't think id be able to survive without you in my life. It was already a risk trying to get pregnant and now this.... plus your leaving again Friday"

"So how about we take some time to think about it, wait until im back, then we can give this a go if we still think its for the best" he suggested "but we promise no matter what we stay friends"

"Its not that easy once sex is involved" i said getting up and pulling his tshirt on quickly "i mean how can you say no to this now you know how heavenly it is inside me" i teased as i headed towards the bathroom.

"Oh your gonna get it woman!" He laughed running after me still naked as the day he born.

Friday came around quickly and i drove Chris to the airport and went in with him to say goodbye.

"Okay be careful! And kick some ass" i smiled up at him making him laugh.

"I will, i'll call everyday. It'll be like i never left, you'll soon get sick of me"

"I could never get sick of you Evan's"

He pulled me into a hug kissing my head "we'll talk properly when i get back"

"Yeah" i nodded knowing he meant about us "dont go meeting any new guys while im gone"

"There's only one guy for me, Dodger has my heart you know that" i chuckled against Chris's chest.

"Your a dork" He laughed taking a step back to get a look at me "But your my dork"

"You bet your ass i am" i smiled up at him, he leant forward pressing his lips to mine for a quick kiss.

"Im gonna miss you"

"I'll miss you too. You better get going though your already cutting it fine and they wont wait for you"

"I know but its just so hard to say goodbye to you" he pouted like a sulking child and squeezed my hand.

"Go! We'll Skype tonight"

"Okay fine" after another quick kiss he grabbed his carry on and went through the check point.

@jennmurawski13

[mithranqueersmusings]

Before This Dance Is Through V

Chapter: 5/16

Rating: M (Smut Warning)

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Despite what John had suggested, Ringo didn't go back to The Helter Skelter the following week; he'd considered it when John sent him yet another late night text but ultimately decided it wasn't the best idea. Spike had been playing on his mind daily and Ringo wasn't sure he was prepared to face him again. Instead he focused on his drumming and searched for a few more students to teach, which were fairly easy to find. Usually Ringo enjoyed his time off, he understood he was lucky that he didn't have to work a 9-5 job just to get by, but recently he wanted his fill his time up as much as possible, to distract himself.

One of his new students seemed incredibly interested in him, they'd spent an hour just chatting in his living room before they'd even moved over to the drum kit. Ringo wasn't too fussed, he was getting paid by the hour so wasting time was beneficial to him but he didn't want to give the guy the wrong impression. He was a little bit older and attractive enough but Ringo simply wasn't interested.

"Why didn't you just go for it?" John had asked him when they next met up.

"I dunno..." Ringo mumbled, but a part of him knew very well.

He'd given the guy another lesson since then and it became clear that the guy's interest in him wasn't going away any time soon. Ringo felt bad about the whole thing, wasn't he just doing exactly what Spike was doing to him? He tried to act as professional as possible the second time around in attempt to get the guy to back off, considering he hadn't heard from him since he was hoping it had worked. What was wrong with him? Was he really going to make himself suffer like this all because of one guy? And not just any guy, a stripper who had shown absolutely no interest in him at all. It was ridiculous, he kept telling himself, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he had to get over Spike, he would still think about him every day without fail. Trying to distract himself with clients had been working somewhat, but it had been difficult, especially when his best friend was John Lennon.

       youre gonna love me

The text came through when Ringo was sat in a café getting some lunch. He'd finished with one of his younger students, a sweet girl who's parents had tried to convince her to try a more 'ladylike' instrument but she had promised only to give up the drums if she was awful; much to her delight, and Ringo's for being able to prove the stereotypical parents wrong, she was pretty good. Seeing her always put Ringo in a good mood, the parents mostly stayed away partly due to the noise but mostly due to disappointment, which meant they could joke around together. Ringo could tell she admired him and he welcomed it gladly, one of the best things about teaching was inspiring others, at least for him it was.

        do i not already?

        well yes         but youre gonna love me EVEN more

        what have you done

        well i happened to stop by the club last night

        oh god what did you do

        wow is that how little you trust me

        can you blame me

        suppose not         ANYWAY i got talking to paulie

        surprise surprise

        do you want the good news or not???

        fine fine sorry

        AS I WAS SAYING i was talking to paulie         and he told me that your special little someone has an onlyfans account

        first of all fuck you for calling him that         second of all wtf is onlyfans

        oh sorry i didnt realise you werent living in the 21st century

        ......         care to grace me with your knowledge?

        basically its a website where you can post exclusive stuff for ONLY FANS to see         its not a porn site or anything but its basically where people sell their nudes         MEANING spike has an account so you can totally see loads of raunchy filthy perverted pics of him

        but i have to pay?

        well weve all gotta make a living

        i can basically see him naked for free

        but this way you wont get all freaked out and embarrassed         well you will but nobody will know at least         so do you want the link or not???

Ringo paused for a few moments, he was gripping his phone tightly in both of his hands as he unblinkingly looked at John's words. If his mind was going to decide to make him suffer by enabling his intense interest in Spike, he may as well get something out of it.

        fine

        where are your manners richard??

        can i please have the link to the strippers nude photos please john please

        alright calm down         let me know if its worth while i might have a look

        idk if im even gonna look at it         paying for porn is a little dated

        treat yourself ringo         id offer to pay but im broke

        if youre broke why were you at the strip club last night?

        well SOMEONE had to go

        they really didnt

        im supporting my local economy

        i dont think thats how that works

        sure it is         anyway here you go

Ringo stared at the link for a while, his eyes even began to blur, he didn't want to risk opening it in public even though he knew there was little chance of anyone seeing. He finished his lunch in a hurry and headed home quickly, only when he was in the privacy of his bedroom did he dare open it. First he had to make an account, when he saw the screen loading up asking for an email address and password he just turned his screen off and put the phone down. This was far too much effort for something he shouldn't really have been doing in the first place. But it only took a few minutes for him to pick the phone back up and begin signing up, he used an old email as it felt less seedy that way and he didn't want to risk his name cropping up anywhere for Spike to see. Now he could load up the link properly and take a proper look at Spike's profile.

Just looking at the small profile picture was enough to startle Ringo a little, the dark eyes looking into the camera with that unreadable glimmer behind them. He was shirtless in the picture, Ringo wondered why that didn't catch his attention first, with the frame cutting off just before it showed anything too explicit. The header was a photo taken from the club, showing him in tight, leather pants and tassels on his nipples which matched the whip he held in his hand. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He'd spent so much time and effort trying not to think about this man, attempting to keep him out of his mind as much as possible. Ringo knew that if he went through with this all that progress would be lost, he'd be giving in to whatever strange obsession he'd developed for Spike, one that no doubt wasn't going to lead to anything good.

Ringo kept staring at the screen as though it was going to tell him what he should do. Spike's profile had no description, which wasn't very surprising, and it dashed any hope Ringo had of discovering something new about him. Right before he was about to put his phone down again, it vibrated.

        howd the wank go??

        john i dont care how long weve been friends asking how my wank was will always be weird

        youre right sorry         so how did it go???

        if you must know         i havent had a wank         i havent even paid for entry

        now whos the one being inappropriate??

        ha ha

        why havent you???

        feels weird

        oh i see         youll consume a bunch of unethical porn for free but god forbid you actually give sex workers any actual money

        you are the last person who can lecture me about unethical porn

        hey now watch yourself         ringo if you dont get a subscription I WILL

        go ahead

        and ill tell you every day what sexy sexy pictures hes posting         ill tell you EVERY SINGLE TIME i have a wank over them

        every time? i dont think youve got enough data for that

        im not joking

        neither am i         you wank A LOT

        ringooooo just buy it i swear to god         if its not worth it or you regret it or whatever ill give you the money back

        on top of the money you already owe me?

        have you always been such a capitalist

        youre not doing a very good job of convincing me

        fine         spikes cock         now are you convinced???

        maybe

        naked pictures of spike whenever and wherever you want them all for the low low price of 10 quid a month         convinced??

        fine fine         if itll shut you up

        im starting to think thats code for 'i really wanna do this but im too embarrassed to admit it'

        i hate you

        now that DEFINITELY code for 'john youre right'         anyway theres no time to be telling me how right i am all the time youve got dick pics to look at         even i wont stand in the way of a good wank         so dont bother replying to me until youve paid for that subscription young man

        im older than you

        DONT BOTHER REPLYING

Ringo let out a sigh and rested his head against the bedroom wall from where he was laying on the bed. He opened up the link again and his thumb hovered over the subscription button, why couldn't he just do it? The money wasn't an issue, it could've cost half as much or be double the price and he'd still be debating it all the same. Somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy, after all Spike hadn't told Ringo about it himself, but then again that didn't necessarily mean he didn't want Ringo to see it. After all it was like John said: everyone has to make a living somehow. Sometimes Ringo wished he could turn off that part of his brain that was so empathetic, so concerned about how everyone felt and what they were thinking. He knew that he wanted this, so why wasn't he allowing himself to have it? Ringo could see that he was being ridiculous, as he was with almost anything involving Spike, and after lying there for a while pondering and debating he decided to flip a coin. Heads would mean he got the subscription, tails that he didn't. He watched the coin spinning through the air after he flicked it upwards, then snatched it and slammed it down onto his forearm before slowly moving his hand away: it was tails. What a relief. Ringo chuckled to himself for being so foolish, settling down into his bed; it was still only around midday but he didn't have anywhere he needed to be.

So why didn't he feel relieved in the slightest?

This whole thing was getting tiring, the constant debate between what he believed he should do and what he wanted to do, and it seemed like it wasn't going to be ending anytime soon. Apparently he was in this for the long run, whatever that meant, but if he was going to turn down relatively attractive guys practically throwing themselves at him, he may as well go all the way. While he was putting in his credit card information, he stopped to think around three of four times, but once he'd finished and the images became accessible to him, his brain was barely able to conjure up a coherent sentence.

"Jesus..." Ringo breathed out as his eyes flicked across the plethora of pictures loading up on his screen.

There was a lot of them, and a lot of Spike was on display. Most of them were pictures taken at the club, either from a professional photographer in the audience or photos he'd taken himself in the mirrors backstage - Ringo could even see glimpses of Paul in the background of some of them. The ones that caught Ringo's eyes the most were those that seemed to be taken in his house, these also happened to be the ones in which Spike tended to be fully naked. It was very different experience to see him like this: a static image that he'd intentionally taken of himself and posted for so many people to see, an image that couldn't look back at Ringo and make him feel that strange mixture of excitement and shame. He began scrolling down the feed which only revealed more and more enticing photos. Ringo began to feel himself hardening, he suspected it had been happening for a while now but he'd been far too distracted to notice. He felt like a teenager discovering porn for the first time, it was difficult to remind himself that this wasn't anything new. Seeing Spike naked shouldn't have excited him so much, and yet it did.

One picture in particular drew Ringo's attention: Spike was stood in front of a bathroom mirror with a loose black tie lying against his bare chest, one hand was holding a phone and the other gripping his cock. He had dark eye make up on and his hair was messy. Ringo wasn't sure exactly what it was about this photo that was so enticing but he couldn't take his eyes off it. The prominence of his collarbones, the faint curls of his dark hair, how his slim fingers wrapped around himself. Slowly Ringo slid his own hand under the waistband of his boxers as he stared at the picture. At first he hesitated, his fingers stopped right above the base. It's not like this would've been the first time he'd touched himself while thinking about Spike, it would've been far from the last he imagined, but this was different. It was more concrete, more of an admission. Nothing felt quite as real when it's only being imagined, the haziness of lust fuzzing up the mind as it so often did, but now with a very real photo of Spike in front of him - which he'd paid to see - the feeling was far more tangible, far harder to ignore.

He'd come this far, he told himself as his hand sunk lower until his fingers were running along the length of his semi-hard cock, he may as well go all the way. To begin with Ringo stayed looking at this single picture as he slowly pumped himself, but as his lust began to grow he perused through more and more pictures: Spike kneeling naked in front of a mirror with a loose cigarette hanging from his lips, lying in the bath with bubbles only just about covering his nakedness, spread out on the bed with a gag in his mouth, handcuffs forcing his slim arms behind his back with his cock throbbing. None of this was anything Ringo hadn't seen before, like most people in this day and age he'd searched through the darker corners of the internet - sometimes willingly, sometimes John was to blame - but to see Spike in such a way was like an entirely new rush. Each picture drove Ringo further and further on, at times he almost dropped his phone with how sloppy his movements were becoming. Who took these photos? Ringo figured it was best not to think about it, the possibility that Spike had a boyfriend who took all these pictures of him would've been the quickest way to kill his erection.

Ringo began moaning and cursing wantonly as he got closer and closer to his orgasm, he had to stop flicking through the pictures because he could hardly concentrate on what his other hand was doing, so he settled on a final one to help him finish; it wasn't particularly strategic but he was definitely grateful that he selected the one that he did. In it Spike was looking directly into the camera, allowing Ringo to gaze longingly into the rich brown of his eyes and how his dark lashes curled beautifully around them. He was shirtless with nothing but a necklace on, the same necklace that Ringo had seen him wearing in the record store and Ringo couldn't help feeling a sense of satisfaction that he'd seen it with his own eyes, as though it meant something. Deep down he knew that it didn't but his inebriated mind was latching onto it. The nudity in the photo was hardly interesting Ringo by this point, although it would be wrong to say that he completely ignored the flatness of his stomach or the faint shadows of his ribs beneath his pale skin, it was the personal aspect which truly affected him.

This wasn't just lust. Lust Ringo could understand, he could compartmentalise it and give into it without much shame or a second thought. If this was just lust, he would've bought the subscription without a care and touched himself looking at the nakedness of Spike's body as though it meant nothing more than a way to get off. Yet here he was on the brink of orgasm looking into another man's eyes, eyes that felt like they were looking straight back at him as though they were sharing this moment together. It wasn't hard to imagine Spike's hand in place of his own, those deep eyes watching Ringo come undone piece by piece. Ringo's hip began to stutter, his leg twitching a little as he had to drop the phone down onto his lap as his head fell back against his pillow as his orgasm approached. It wasn't the image of Spike's naked body that filled Ringo's mind as he came, it wasn't his arse or his cock or even his chest, it was his face, his voice, it was him.

Ringo lay breathless on his bed for a while, the clarity that arrived as his orgasm subsided wasn't welcome in the slightest and he was reluctant to pick his phone back up to see Spike's eyes looking at him once again. There was no use in feeling ashamed about it, no point in trying to deny it any longer: his feelings for Spike were more than a mere passing fancy, that was clear. Exactly what he was meant to do about these feelings was far from clear but that wasn't something Ringo could figure out right now with cum on his stomach and the daylight seeping through his bedroom curtains.

When he'd picked up his phone he'd closed all the apps immediately, doing his best not to catch a glimpse of what he'd been so eagerly looking at before. Just as he was about to step into the shower to clean himself off, his phone buzzed; he almost couldn't hear it over the music he was blasting out. It alerted him for a moment as though it was going to be a message from Spike stating he knew exactly what Ringo had just done - it wouldn't have really surprised him had that been the case, Spike's face almost always looked like he knew something that nobody else did - but fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, it was John.

        sooo how did the wank go

         who knows          but on a totally unrelated note im about to get into the shower

         well before you do that i have even more good news 

         can it not wait?

         NO because you might cum just at the thought of it and then youd be wasting a good shower

         well arent you considerate          and unnecessarily graphic

         thats me          anyway im taking you to the club next tuesday whether you like it or not

         im still waiting for the good news

         well if youd let me FINISH          next week theyre doing a special event and we just have to go          youll never guess what it is

         what is it?

         guess

         you just said ill never guess

         youre no fun

         WHAT IS IT

         alright alright keep your hair on          its a crossdressing event          high heels make up probably a few wigs all that good stuff

         im still waiting for the good news

         OH COME ON youre telling me you dont want to see spike in heels and fishnets with some lovely lipstick on

Ringo gulped. It wasn't a difficult image to conjure up his mind, considering he'd been staring at photos of Spike for the past twenty minutes and it excited him to say the least. He did want to see that, very much indeed.

[gamerwoo]

Yixing: Side Job (Part 2)

Characters: Yixing x female reader (featuring Jongin, Sehun, and Junmyeon)

Genre/warnings: camboy au, barista au, crack, kinda fluffy, mentions of masturbation

Word count: 3,453

Summary: Your go-to to get off is your favorite camboy who goes by the name of Lay. Physically, he’s perfect, and everything he says leaves you breathless and wanting him to keep talking until you’re coming undone in front of your laptop. However, you notice that the new barista hired at the cafe down the street has a voice that sounds familiar…

Part 1 | Part 3

Coming home that day, you went straight to your room and flopped down on it face first. Your friend kept asking if you were feeling alright because you weren’t paying any attention at all the whole day. All you could think about was how Lay, your favorite camboy, was a barista just down the fucking street! And then that lead to the fact that he must’ve lived nearby, which was somehow even more terrifying.

There were three things you knew for sure: first, you weren’t sure you could ever watch another one of Lay’s streams; second, you were never stepping foot in that cafe ever again; third, Lay’s face was just as drop-dead gorgeous as his body.

No, not Lay. His name was Yixing. And you couldn’t get that out of your head for some reason. You knew Lay was probably some sort of alias, but you never expected you’d know his real name. It felt too...personal. You weren’t sure how you felt about it.

You spent the next few days trying to keep yourself as distracted as possible. You didn’t want to go watch any of his streams -- no matter how mentally and emotionally exhausted you felt -- and you didn’t want to build up the curiosity to go back to the cafe and see if he was there because some masochistic part of you wanted to go back and take in the fact that Lay was a real person that was right in front of you. But you wouldn’t let yourself do that.

It wasn’t until those few days had gone by that your promise to never return to the cafe was broken.

Jonginie: come keep me company :(

you: do you not realize what time it is???

Jonginie: but studying sucks and i need friends

you: sehun exists???

you: taemin exists????

you: jimin exists??????

Jonginie: sehun's getting laid, jimin’s at a concert, and the last time i invited taemin out late at night he got lost and i spent two hours trying to find him because he wouldn’t answer his phone

you: oh my god you big baby

you: where are you?

Jonginie: that little cafe down the street from your apartment :)

you: NO

you: NOPE

you: IM NOT GOING

Jonginie: ????

Jonginie: what the actual fuck is wrong with you

You couldn’t tell your best friend the reason you couldn’t go back to that cafe. You couldn’t admit that you watched a camboy and that camboy just happened to work there. You couldn’t tell him that the day before you ran into him, you donated $20 and called him Daddy as you begged for him to whip his dick out. You just couldn’t admit any of that.

So what excuse did you have to work with?

Jonginie: i’ll buy you your favorite!!! :)

None. You had no excuses at all.

you: i’ll be there in 10 ig

So you got dressed and put on your proverbial big girl pants before you grabbed your keys, slipped on your shoes, and left the house with your phone in your pocket just in case. Only Jongin would ask you to meet him at a coffee shop at 8pm so he could study and not be alone, so you, being a female, had to keep your phone with you at all times and have your keys in hand just in case -- and not just to unlock your door when you got home.

Thankfully, the walk to the cafe was uneventful, but you couldn’t get your brain to calm down the whole way there. You were just worrying about if Lay -- Yixing -- would be there. You didn’t even know what you were so worried about the longer you thought about it. It wasn’t like you had to talk to him. Just say hello, order, and then say thanks and have a good day. It was so simple but your stupid imagination was acting like he would somehow know you masturbated to him on a weekly basis. 

Taking a final deep breath, you opened the door to the cafe and walked in -- you also made note to check their hours and you were surprised to find the cafe had such late hours, but it was probably because there was a college campus nearby. You glanced at the counter, offering an awkward smile to the bored-looking girl working. She seemed to be the only one working, in fact, since the cafe was empty except for Jongin and some other poor college student that was typing away furiously on their laptop. 

“Hey!” Jongin grinned as you sat down across from him. The table was covered with papers, his textbook, and his notebook that he was scribbling in. “You should’ve told me when you were closer by so I could’ve ordered for you.”

“It’s fine, I can order for myself,” you shrugged.

“Alright, here’s my card,” he said as he pulled out his wallet and handed his card over to you. “I’m gonna use the bathroom really quick.”

As you both got up, you stopped at the counter while Jongin went passed it to where the restrooms were located. You greeted the poor barista before ordering what you wanted and paying for it. But as you waited for her to make your drink, you started to get curious. You figured you had nothing to lose if you were never coming back here -- starting tonight -- so you softly spoke up.

“Excuse me? Um...w-when does Yixing usually work?”

The girl looked up at the sound of your voice, “Yixing? Uh, usually mornings, I think.”

You nodded with a quiet “thanks”, happy she didn’t ask why you wanted to know. She finished making your drink and handed it to you with a “enjoy” that wasn’t nearly as chipper as the one Yixing gave you, but that was neither here nor there.

As you went back to your table, you smirked to yourself. Maybe you could find away around avoiding the cafe, especially since this seemed to be where Jongin liked to study now. If you just came here at night, you’d be safe. It made sense anyway -- nighttime was when Lay liked to stream. If you just didn’t come in the mornings, you were safe. You could easily get your coffee and not run into the boy that didn’t know you’d seen him naked way more times than you could count on one hand.

“What’re you smirking about?” Jongin scoffed as he walked back over to the table.

You cleared your throat, scrunching your face before letting it fall back to its neutral state, “Nothing. Do your homework.”

-

The cafe was back to being a safe space now that you knew Yixing’s -- Lay’s; you never knew what to call him, honestly -- schedule. You showed up quite a bit to keep Jongin company while he studied. Sometimes his other friends would join which was always...interesting to say the least -- especially with Taemin. Sometimes it was just you and Jongin with him complaining about how he hated homework and wondering why he went to college. 

After a couple weeks, you had calmed down enough to be able to go back to watching Lay’s streams. You figured there was no harm if you didn’t really know him and would never see him again, so...why not? Plus, you hadn’t gotten a really good orgasm ever since you stopped watching him and you really couldn’t take it anymore. You had to give in because you were weak.

A month had gone by and you were finally over your fear of seeing Lay at the cafe.

While you were packing your things up to go home from work, your phone vibrated. You took it out to check, seeing Jongin was texting you.

Jonginie: can i stay at your place tonight?

Jonginie: i miss you :(

you: okay whats the real reason

Jonginie: .......my roommate’s drunk and obnoxious and i probably won’t sleep tonight

Jonginie: BUT I SWEAR I ALSO MISS YOU

Jonginie: please?? :(((((

If you were going to host Jongin tonight, you’d need something to keep you awake after you got home. Typically you were able to crash then and there and it would only be about 6:30. So after agreeing to let Jongin stay over, you grabbed your things and left work, deciding your next destination was the cafe.

When you entered, nobody was at the counter. There were only a few customers inside, already having gotten their coffees. Some were on their phones as they sat at tables, and some were working on their laptops. You didn’t really pay much attention to them -- or anybody -- as you walked up to the counter to order a coffee, looking down at your phone instead.

“Hi! How can I help you?” that friendly voice chirped, shooting ice through your veins as you all but froze on the spot.

Slowly, you looked up, almost whimpering when your eyes moved over the nametag that read Yixing. Your eyes met his as he smiled at you, showing off his dimples as he waited for your reply.

Internally, you were panicking. He wasn’t supposed to work nights! Why was he working? Why was he here? Why now? Why, why, why?

But externally, you shyly gave him your order before you paid for it.

Yixing turned to make your order as you went to wait by the pick-up counter. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him even though you wanted so badly to look away and erase all of this from your mind. But your eyes followed him as he moved around, thinking about how good he looked even in his barista uniform. Maybe he’d do a barista theme for one of his cams...

‘Jesus, _____, stop it. That’s weird, don’t go there.’

You shook the thought from your mind, taking a deep breath to try to clear your thoughts. That was when Yixing walked over with your order, sliding it across the counter to you with his dumb beautiful smile that made your legs turn to jelly.

“Have a good day, _____,” he grinned, remembering your name from when you gave him the order.

And that’s when you said the worst thing you could’ve said to him other than admitting you watched his cams. Your stupid brain wasn’t thinking, and you blurted the only thing you could get away with in public, but would still probably not only send Yixing into a panic, but would make him think you were weird.

“Thanks, Lay.”

You were half-turned to leave when you realized, and you froze. Lay -- Yixing, Jesus; it’s Yixing -- froze as well, the smile dropping from his face as he just stared at you with an unreadable expression. His eyes were slightly widened, and his mouth was a little ajar, but you couldn’t tell what kind of emotion it was conveying. 

“Wh--” Yixing’s eyebrows furrowed the tiniest bit as he looked away at the counter before looking back at you again. “What did you just call me?”

You didn’t want to answer and drag this awkward conversation on even longer, but your legs also wouldn’t respond when you decided it was best to just walk away and not answer or look back. Your feet were practically glued to the floor, staring back at Yixing in silence as you looked like a deer in headlights.

“_____!” a familiar voice called.

Your head whipped around to see Jongin smiling at you as he waved, walking into the cafe. You almost wanted to cry from relief when you saw him.

“I was on my way to your place when I saw you were in here,” he chuckled, grabbing your arm. “C’mon, I told Sehunie he could come over to watch movies for a bit and he’s gonna beat us there. If he’s waiting for longer than 2 seconds, he’s going to complain all night and I don’t wanna hear it.”

Jongin dragged you away from the counter, forcing your legs and feet to finally move. However, your dumb, idiot self decided to look back over your shoulder to find Yixing still staring at you, watching as you disappeared out the door with Jongin -- who you now decided you’d owed your life to.

-

“You got here the same time as us, stop whining!” Jongin groaned as he pushed open the door to your apartment after he unlocked it.

Sehun followed in behind him, stating that the host should already be at the house before the guests get there, and that even arriving at the same time is impolite and “fucking dumb”. Jongin was quick to point out that it wasn’t a house, it was an apartment, so Sehun could take his whining and shove it up his ass. 

You walked in behind Sehun, still in a dazed state after what happened. Neither of them questioned your behavior since Jongin was chattering away the whole walk to the apartment, and then him and Sehun were bickering in the elevator. But in your head, all you were doing was replaying the incident with Yixing. How the hell did you actually call him Lay? How did you slip up like that? Just “thanks” would’ve been fine but no, you had to tack a name on the end of there.

Thankfully, the two boys were still oblivious to your spacey state even as the three of you sat down to watch a movie together. Sehun was on his phone for parts of it, but him and Jongin were still going back and forth throughout the movie. Both of them were critiquing the acting, the special effect -- basically anything that they could during the movie so you weren’t sure why they wanted to watch it. The only thing that interrupted them was Sehun’s phone dinging before he stood up and went to the door.

“A couple of friends wanted to stop by -- apparently it’s important so I said sure,” Sehun said over his shoulder as he went to go put his shoes on to go downstairs and let them in. “Hope you don’t mind, _____.”

You only half heard what he said, mumbling it was okay. But Jongin began lecturing the younger boy about how he shouldn’t have complained about manners and being polite when he just openly invited strangers to your apartment. But Sehun ignored him as he left, closing the door behind him.

You stayed spacing out on the couch, still replaying that awful embarrassing moment in your head. Sehun opening the door didn’t snap you out of it, and neither did his voice mingling with his friend’s. It wasn’t until you heard a third voice that your eyes went wide and your body went rigid. It was just a laugh, but it was one you recognized -- one that would probably haunt you in your dreams.

“Hey,” the way Sehun said the greeting made you and Jongin realize he wanted your attention, so you cautiously turned your head to see Sehun standing with a two shorter men -- one of which was already looking at you with those beautiful eyes that shot fear into your soul as of late, “this is Junmyeon-hyung, and this is Yixing-hyung.”

“I think I’ve met Junmyeon once before,” Jongin smiled. “Nice to see you again.”

“Hi,” you mumbled before you shot up from the couch and decided the kitchen seemed like a way better room to be in right now. “I’m gonna grab a drink.”

You scurried out of the room, hoping to go unnoticed. You hoped that even though Yixing was staring right at you that maybe somehow he didn’t recognize you as the person that called him by his camboy alias. You knew that was impossible, but you still hoped, anyway.

Entering the kitchen, you went to the fridge, hoping to just get a bottle of cold water to calm your nerves. But when you had the door halfway open, it was pushed shut. You stared at the ring-clad hand that was holding it shut, afraid to let your eyes follow the arm of it up to the owner, but you did so slowly anyway.

Yixing stood there with a raised eyebrow, but you couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking or what he was feeling. He was showing virtually no emotion other than the quirked brow. He didn’t even say anything, and you were shrinking back away from his gaze, feeling like there was a weight pushing in on you.

When Yixing didn’t speak up, you said the only thing you could think of.

“W-why are you in my apartment...?”

To your surprise, he let out an amused chuckle, his eyes glancing away for a moment as he shook his head, “Sehun’s an acquaintance of mine. I thought that was pretty obvious when he introduced me. Of course, he did introduce me as Yixing and not Lay, so I could see why maybe it would be confusing to you.”

The smirk he gave you was teasing, and your cheeks immediately burned red as your gaze met the floor. You didn’t even know how to reply. Should you apologize? ...That was really the only option your brain could come up with.

“You watch me?” he asked, his voice soft but with a tinge of amusement.

You opened your mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Obviously you did watch him but you couldn’t bring yourself to verbally admit to it. How could you even admit to that? And right to his face in your kitchen while his and your friends were in the living room.

“You don’t have to panic,” he laughed softly, letting himself lean against your fridge door so his shoulder was resting against it with his arms crossed. “I mean, I’m the one who gets off on stream for everybody to see. I’m already aware that people watch me.”

“Still...” you mumbled, still unable to meet his eyes.

“You’re cute,” he giggled.

That made you look up, your eyes wide. Why did he say that? Literally what part of this made you seem cute to him? Or maybe he was just sadistic and found your embarrassment to be cute. Maybe he was into that. ...Then again, you recalled a stream where-- 

‘Not the time, _____.’

“You wanna know something?” he asked. “I came here on purpose.”

“What?” you blurted, looking absolutely horrified.

Now you were being bullied by a camboy. This was a new low in your life.

He let out a laugh that sounded so genuine, you didn’t think you’d ever heard it in any of his streams. He just looked so happy that you wanted to look at him laugh and hear him laugh forever.

“I swear it wasn’t just to torture you more,” he insisted before he explained, “but you called me Lay and I’d never had that happen before. I vaguely recognized your friend, and he said you were friends with Sehun -- when he was talking about the complaining, I realized it was the same Sehun. Him and my friend, Junmyeon are friends, so I texted Junmyeon and asked if he could do me a favor.”

“A...a favor...?”

“Alright, so maybe it was a little bit to tease you,” he giggled with a shrug. “I just-- You should’ve seen your face when the name slipped out! I don’t know, I guess I felt...intrigued. Why were you so scared anyway?”

“You wouldn’t be horrified if you had to admit to somebody you watched them get off on the internet?” you asked.

“Nah, seems like it would be more their problem than mine.”

“It’s still not at the top of my list of conversations I’d like to have.”

“What would be at the top?” he asked with a playful smirk.

“Not this...” you muttered.

“Yixing?” the other boy poked his head into the room before his face spread into a smile. He looked amused about something but you didn’t know what or why. “C’mon, let’s go.”

“Coming,” he nodded as the other boy left. He turned back to you, flashing a dimpled smile. “Come by the cafe tomorrow morning if you can. I’ll make you a drink -- my treat. Bye, _____.”

With a wave, he walked out of your kitchen. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath after his goodbye until you heard the door close and let out a sigh of relief.

Sehun and Jongin entered the kitchen, both looking around curiously.

“You and Yixing-hyung were in here for a while,” Sehun noted.

“Yeah,” Jongin looked at you with a crease between his eyebrows, giving you a questioning look, “did you two know each other?”

You shrugged, mumbling, “Kinda...”

[calm-me-down-oh]

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex?  Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

[wintersxsoul]

Ancient Love (2)

Summary: Loki never thought he would fall in love with a mortal, but much less that he would lose you as fast as he did. But…did he really lose you?

Pairing: Loki x Female Viking!Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Dirty talking, mentions of sex and all that stuff.

A/N: Finally I get to finish this chapter. It’s been almost done for almost a week, I’m a mess ugh ily. Please, give feedback, a reblog never hurt no one and it really keeps me motivated to keep writing.

As always, Masterlist and Taglist are on my blog bio!

As weeks went by, you spent less and less time on the village and more in the woods, with the company of your foreigner friend. You were stubborn so you were struggling to admit your feelings to yourself, knowing what that could bring you. You discovered new things about the world you lived in thanks to Loki, his extent knowledge always taking you aback. He was soft and caring but something in his demeanor denoted a strong feeling of loneliness, you never asked him about it though, maybe with time he would open up to you. Loki, on the other hand, was falling for your beauty and strength of spirit, a warrior indeed. You moved around the woods like you belonged there, swaying around like leaves on the wind.

The day Loki knew he loved you was the day you were sparring with him, you achieved to pin him on the soft grass your sword threatening to cut his throat open if he moved. Your faces were mere inches apart and you could feel his hot breath on your cold lips, for a brief moment you thought it was finally going to happen but the bubble burst when you heard a loud caw coming from a crow that was sitting on a branch, staring at you.

“Let’s go, it’s getting late.” You stood up and reached out to help him get up, a shiver ran down your spine when your hands made contact for the first time, something blooming warmly in your heart.

You walked slowly through the woods admiring how the moon lit the top of the trees, the dark green shades appearing to be silver. Loki was silently admiring you, how your hair flowed with the wind and the moonlight making your skin glow. A true goddess of the woods, he thought. He would have never thought he was capable of loving someone, but there you were, making his heart ache.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You stopped dead in your tracks when you realized he had a weird expression on his face, maybe thinking that you did something to upset him. Loki’s eyes widened when you looked at him, confused and you also seemed to be scared, your eyes betraying you.

“I...uhm I think I...you have something in your hair.” He reached out to get it off your hair, a fake leaf he created to hide his true thoughts.

“Oh...okay, thank you.” You placed a strand of hair behind your ear and started walking, leaving Loki behind. He ran to you after he scolded himself, totally missing how you sighed heavily, longing for him. You were walking besides him really close, your hands brushing lightly, until you gathered the strength to intertwine your fingers with his. You heard his breath hitch but said nothing, smiling to yourself. Small victories, you thought.

Loki was hard to approach at first, you were sure he had secluded himself so deeply he forgot how to interact with someone, but as the first days went by, his actions changed, leading you to that exact moment.

Most of the nights, you slept at his hut but that night, something felt different. You could feel he was nervous and that made you aware that something you didn’t know was going on.

He stopped in front of his door and looked at you, his green eyes piercing yours. You instantly saw what was troubling him but you wanted, needed, to hear it from his own mouth.

“I’ve always thought I was incapable of bearing this kind of feelings in my chest, but you’ve set a fire inside that I’m not able to extinguish. And I do not have the will or power to do so.” He had his hand pressed on his left side of the chest, on top of his heart. Your eyes widened at his honesty and you were now able to see the love and adoration in his gaze. You placed your hand on top of his while you moved the other one to cup his cheek.

“Loki, my heart and soul are yours.” That’s all it took for him to close the space between you, his lips softly colliding against yours. Your eyes fluttered closed, your whole self melting into his arms. Loki let out a soft whimper and you moaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss, trying to pour all the love, adoration, passion and total surrender of your barriers.

Loki felt he was about to burst into flames, your breath filling his lungs with your sweet scent. He moved his hands to your waist, pulling you closer to him, your chest colliding to his, both of your hearts beating rapidly, pounding with lust. You ran your hands through his raven locks and pulled, making Loki’s breath hitch and you bit his bottom lip after tracing it with your tongue. He pulled apart trying to catch his breath and pressed his forehead against yours.

He slowly opened his eyes and watched you adoringly, both of your gazes full of desire.

“If we continue, I won’t be able to stop.” You said out of breath still right before Loki leaned in to kiss you again, this time more needy and intense.

“Then don’t.” He added, his voice low and hoarse.

-

“Do we really have to get out?” You whined at him, the coldness of the morning hitting your bare skin. Loki gave your dry lips a soft peck and got out of bed, in all his naked glory.

“We’ve been rolling on the bed for two days, Y/n. We really have to get out. We barely have food and water left.” You let out a sigh and grabbed his wrist before he could move further from the bed.

“I can think of a few very nutritional meals.” He looked at you amused by your insatiable thirst, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted by your offer, after all, he had the stamina of a god.

“Ástin mín (my love), just stay in bed and I’ll go find us something to eat.” You pouted but nodded, pulling the furs up to cover your body, watching him get dressed.

“Óst min, kyss mik (my love, kiss me.)” You tried to sound demanding but your voice trembled in anticipation, your lips longing for his, your body already missing his heat. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on top of your head, his hand cupping your cheek.

“I’ll be back before dawn, warm the bed for me.” You smiled at him lovingly and snuggled up in the bed, smelling Loki’s scent in the huge blanket.

Loki knew it would take him a few hours to hunt a big prey, so he started collecting fruits to eat and flowers to give you, knowing he could later find some meat on the village.

After a few hours he went back to the hut, some fresh stolen meat, a basket full of wild berries and daisies. He tried not to startle you so he opened the door slowly his heart swelling at the view in front of his eyes. You were sprawled on the bed, back facing the ceiling and arms tucked under the pillow, your breath blowing a few strands of hair back and forth from your face. He casted a fire, the woods from the fireplace lighting immediately and he also lit the candles, since it was already dark outside.

He approached the bed and sat besides you, leaning forward and trailing kisses up and down your naked back. You moaned half asleep and turned around, your eyes glancing at Loki half-lidded due to your sleepy state. You sat down and pressed your forehead to his chest, your hair covering your face. Loki hugged you and stroke your hair, rocking both of your bodies slowly.

“Are you okay?” You nodded, face still buried in his chest. You finally moved to look at him and smiled, reaching out to kiss him on the throat, a small and sweet peck.

“I’m starving. Can we please eat and then get back to bed?” He nodded smiling at your petition, standing up to cook the meat and prepare some herbal tea.

Months had passed since the first night you spent together, both of your new lives already established. You moved to Loki’s house since it was way bigger than yours, the spot where it was marvelous. You bought a few chickens, a cow and two horses, so you would always have food, milk and a way of transport. You never knew where Loki had gained all that money and when you asked, he always said it was from his father’s fortune.

You woke up one morning to an empty bed, thinking that maybe your lover went to gather some fruits or flowers as he usually did and as the morning went by, you tried to ignore the burning feeling that was settled on your chest, the feeling that something bad was going to happen. You were preparing some herbal tea when rain started to fall heavily on the roof of the hut, frowning, you went outside to check if it was really raining. It was very rare that it rained at this time of year, maybe the gods listened to someone’s prayers like they did with yours, it was the only logical explanation, for you at least. Loki on the other hand hurried through the woods to get to you knowing that you weren’t safe.

Just when the wooden house was in his field vision, he heard a scream, your scream, and it wasn’t coming from the house, so he ran, he ran so fast he thought his lungs were bleeding and oh god, how much he wanted that to be true because it wouldn’t be as painful as seeing what was in front of him.

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[thenamesseven]

Warnings: None!

It would have been one of those perfect mornings when you could sleep for hours without getting disturbed by anything, when you felt so relaxed and comfortable in your bed that you never wanted to get out. However somebody was making a horrendous amount of noise in the kitchen honestly, it sounded like he was fighting with the pans instead of cooking what you supposed that would be breakfast.

The person laying next to you groaned, probably frustrated by the noise "Fuck off, Jackson" It made sense that somebody as clumsy and restless as him would be the one to wake up first and do enough noise to wake everybody up. Jackson would never admit it but you had noticed this was a habit of his, if Jaebum was at work already he would wake you up with snuggles and little pecks around your face but whenever the other male was around he would wake both of you up like this.

That way he would be able to tease Jaebum and wake you up quickly.

It seemed like Jackson was too focused on his making breakfast task because he didn't reply to Jaebum's angry comment. His husky voice made you shiver a little, your body still a bit sore from how rough he had been last night with you. "You're going to wake her up idiot" Jaebum spoke slightly louder this time before he pulled you closer to his hard yet warm chest.

At this point, you were more than awake but since Jaebum seemed to be in an affectionate mood you kept your eyes closed. Groaning, faking you were being disturbed by Jackson's little scandal, you buried your face against his neck breathing in his morning scent. Jaebum quietly wrapped his arms around you, letting you get as close to him as you wanted.

"Mhm? Are you awake?" Somehow Jaebum had managed to guess you were awake, you could hear the small smile on his lips as one of his hands moved up and down your back slowly

"Thanks to Jackson" You whispered opening your eyes slowly. Luckily, the curtains were pulled together so the room was still a bit dark. Another loud noise came from the kitchen and both of you groaned, it sometimes felt like Jackson was your mischievious kid instead of your other boyfriend.

Jaebum nuzzled you gently, his face lowering enough to kiss your lips in an attempt to distract you from what was going on outside of your bedroom. "Are you sore? You flinched a little during your sleep" He asked against your lips, kissing you one more time but pulling away quickly before you could kiss him back. "I shouldn't have been so rough with you, Im sorry"

"I'm okay, don't worry" You shook your head, leaning in to kiss his lips, you couldn't help but love when Jaebum was so sweet and caring, it drove you crazy "Just kind of weak, yesterday night was intense" Looking into his eyes both of you chuckled softly while Jaebum pressed his forehead against yours.

Your morning kisses with Jaebum didn't last too much, Jackson literally barged into the room making both of you jump slightly scared, you had been so focused on each other that none of you had realized his noisy cooking stopped.

"(Y/N)-ah!" Jackson walked around the bed absolutely ignoring Jaebum before he laid himself on you. A groan escaped your lips, Jackson wasn't fat but his muscles weighted a lot. "I made pancakes for you" The silly grin that appeared on his lips made you laugh, he looked so childish and silly like that.

"Yah, Jackson we were waking up" Jaebum groaned rolling on the bed away from both of you, still with the blankets around his body "We're tired"

"You're the only one complainning, she seems really happy about getting pancakes for breakfast" He muttered leaning down to kiss your cheek, your arms moved up around his body to give him a gentle hug.

You reached out to grab Jaebum's hand, intertwining your fingers since he seemed to be a bit grumpy about sharing your attention with the other male "Come on, he made us breakfast Jae" Squeezing his hand you attempted to pull him closer but he didn't even budge.

"I want to stay in bed with you though" He mumbled still staring at the wall. Jackson frowned at his comment kind of unsure of what to do. At first he had just been teasing the other male but was Jaebum seriously competing for your attention? What was wrong with him? Relationships like the one the three of you had didn't work that way. Jackson saw the concern on your face and he suddenly was scared that you might prefer Jaebum over him.

"Come on kitten, it's going to get cold and it won't be that yummy!"

You felt weird. It wouldn't be the first time both guys felt needy and only wanted you for themselves but usually the other one would just let that happen. Today both of them seemed to be silently fighting to see who would make you stay with him and honestly? It was kind of stressing.

"Jackson?" His eyes brighted with happiness when he heard his name, however his smile soon fell when he heard your next words. "Could you give us like five minutes? I'll be joinning you for breakfast really soon"

Jackson's fear just grew, you had chosen Jaebum over him. Little did he knew you were just worried about Jaebum being sick or something, it was really weird for him to just not want to get out of bed. The guy never procrastinated.

"Yeah, sure" You noticed his upset expression, his tone not being as happy as it was when he walked into the room five minutes ago "I'll be in the kitchen" He quietly made his way out of the room and closed the door behind him. You sighed, moving your eyes away from the door to Jaebum once again.

"Did you guys fight or something?" You asked, Jaebum rolled again facing you now that Jackson was gone.

"No" He shrugged a little "I just said I want to spend time with you, it's not my fault he got upset"

"Well Jaebum, we can't just leave him out, all of a sudden" You tried to explain to the other male "And I can spend time with the both of you separately but we also need time together, you know?"

"He's just too loud, I need time with somebody who will let me talk just like you do" His words were worrying you because Jaebum seemed to not want Jackson in the relationship anymore, however, you would be unable to choose one of them. If he asked you to choose you would end up choosing to be alone unable to hurt one of them by choosing the other.

Willing to shrug it off and act as if you thought he was just kidding, you gently pushed him away, sitting up on your bed as you forced a small smile up to your lips "Come on, stop being so grumpy, he made us breakfast"

Not giving Jaebum another chance to wrap his arms around you and bring you back down against his body you pushed the warm blankets away from your half naked body before putting on your robe. "I'll be out in five" Jaebum grumpily whispered, watching you walk out of the room.

"Jacksoooon" Whinning, you rushed down the hall and into the kitchen kind of surprising Jackson who had just been sitting down by the table alone, staring sulkily at his pancakes. Before he could say something you opened your arms and wrapped them around his body stealing some of his warmth for yourself.

Jackson smile returned when you were back into his arms, nuzzling your face against his neck so he could cradle you like he always did. "Good morning kitten" He whispered kissing your head using his sweet and soft tone that almost made you purr. You had been worried about him being mad for staying in the bedroom with Jaebum to talk with him but Jackson's negative thoughts dissapeared when he saw you running towards him.

"You should have stayed in bed with us, it's so cold" His grip around your body got even stronger when you mentioned being cold, Jackson was literally using his huge body to keep you as warm as possible. This guy was absolutely adorable.

"I wanted to make something nice for you though, kind of as a thanks for taking care of me last night" He smiled nuzzling you, leaving gentle kisses on your jaw. The memories of last night made you blush a little bit, even though Jackson had been sweet and slow with you it had also been intense in its own way.

"I thought you were the one taking care of me" You joked with a soft chuckle making him laugh too

"Of course kitten, I always take care of you" Jackson leaned down and kissed your lips. However, you both didn't have time to deepen it since Jaebum, to catch your attention, slammed the fridge door making you and Jackson jump. "Shit Jae, the hell man?" You felt Jackson getting tense underneath you, Jaebum seemed tense too. Something was going on between both males and you didn't know how to fix it.

"What?" He asked not even looking back at Jackson, his hands inside his pants' pockets as he waited for his coffee to be heated up in the microwave

Sighing you stood up from Jackson's lap and sat down on the chair that was place between Jackson's and Jaebum's, that's where you've always been, between both males and there has never been any kind of problem with that. Why were they being so grumpy with each other now? You quietly blamed their comeback, the date of their new album release was getting closer and that was probably what had both males on edge.

"Any plans for today guys?" You asked willing to start a conversation that would make both of them interact with each other. Jaebum placed a mug of coffee infront of you, ruffling your hair affectionately. You smiled up at him while waiting for them to answer.

"Work as usual" Jaebum was the first one to break the silence "The guys have a free day but I need to spend some time in the studio to go over some songs, want to come with me?"

"I was actually going to ask her if she wanted to come shopping with me" Jackson joimed the conversation just to create a small competition again. You held back the urge of rolling your eyes, both of them were being ridiculous.

"Weren't you going with Bambam?" Jaebum asked finally interacting with Jackson without being sarcastic, he sounded purely curious.

"Bambam had things to do so I was going to bring her with me"

"We can all go to the studio and then I'll go shopping with you?" You proposed looking at Jackson, eating one of the pancakes he cooked as Jaebum sat down next to you.

"Ah but I've got a free day, I don't want to spend it there" He groaned sipping his coffee. You bit your lip looking down at your plate, they were really going to make you choose who you prefered spending your day with.

"You are going to spend the whole day locked up in the studio?" You glanced at Jaebum, passing him the chocolate syrup for his pancakes. Jackson smiled, ready to be chosen over him.

"I guess, the sooner I finish everything the sooner I'll be allowed to have a small break" Jaebum kept his eyes down, ready to be rejected.

"Let's do this then" You leaned back against your chair, letting out a soft sigh "I'll join Jackson's plan and have lunch with him" Jackson smirked happily, glancing at you with a silent thanks in his eyes "And then I'll visit you and drag you out of that cave to get some dinner okay?" You asked looking at Jaebum, who looked now as happy as Jackson were five seconds ago "You could join us for dinner" You added moving your eyes back to Jackson, he didn't look as happy as before but at least he nodded agreeing with the plan.

It sounded like a win-win situation right? Little did you know that both males were ready to step up in their quiet competition.

[surveysonfleek]

1660.

Do you have mean comments that replay in your head and haunt you? i used to post travel vlogs on youtube and can still remember all the mean comments i received. there werent much but i remember them over the good ones! 

Did you go Black Friday shopping this past Black Friday? i dont remember if i did last year. i most likely got sucked into an online shopping sale though

^If so, what was the best deal you got? i forgot

Have you ever seen a spirit? nope

Are you happy that the year is coming to an end? not really. time is going really fast

Have you ever bought a designer purse? i was gifted one. idk if/when ill buy one myself. id have to really love it

What color was your senior prom dress? black with some white

Would you ever consider a career in writing? haha never. im not a creative writer whatsoever

Have you ever purchased a YouTuber’s merch? If so, what did you buy? nope

Are you better at spelling or writing? spelling for sure

If someone signed you up for karate lessons, would you take them? nope

What was the last movie you watched? Would you recommend it to people? catwoman. definitely not lol, it was cringe but halle berry looked amazing in it

Do you update your Facebook relationship status when it changes? i havent changed it in 13 years lol

Do you want your own house someday? i already do! a second home is on the card next

Are you superstitious? sometimes but not really

When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? coke or frozen coke

Have you ever thought about your wedding? always, its happening soon

Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? tay

Growing up, did you see your cousins often? yes, i did

Where was your first job at? this kooky crystal store. funnily enough i wasnt into crystals then or now lol

Ever seen your parents make out? no lol

What’s your dream height and weight? im okay with my height rn but id love to weigh less

What do you do when your house loses power? check the electricity box

What piercing do you hate? haha i dont particularly ‘hate’ any

Were you raised in a religious house? yeah but not overly religious 

Do your parents get mad when your on the computer for hours? haha no, only when i was a kid

Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? yes

What’s your favorite thing about your crush/bf/gf? everything

What’s the worst thing? when he sneezes. its way too loud

What song can bring you down? meh, nothing

What would you do if your parent hit you? id be in shock, i wasnt hit as a kid be either parents so itd be completely out of character if they ever did now while im an adult

Ever see yourself going to jail? no

Last song you sang? i forgot :(

Has the last person you kissed slept with more then 3 girls? nope lol

Ever been tested for any STDs? no

Do you think it’s weird when girls change in front of their bf/gf? haha why would that be weird?

Get a new camera or new phone? new phone! mine is still going strong though

Last person that saw you naked (can’t be yourself): my fiance

Ever kissed someone half-naked? yes

Is being sweaty nasty? yes ugh i hate waking up in the middle of the night sweaty

Are your parents embarrassing? nah, they never were tbh

Do you prefer dating a virgin? Or a guy who’s been around? -

Are you blond? no

Do you like bacon? i do but im really fussy with it. i hate american and canadian bacon. with aussie bacon, theres a few diff cuts. i dont like shortcut bacon

Do you have an annoying dog? no

What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? honestly the simpsons comics haha. my parents would never buy them for me so id always read them while i went grocery shopping with my mum as a kid. id finish the comic by the time she was done and would put it back on the shelves haha

What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? prob tiktok tbh

What color was your first phone? black

Was your first phone a flip phone? nope

If you’re a girl, have you ever had an embarrassing period story? hmm nothing on a public scale tbh

What was your worst experience in high school? i had a good high school experience tbh. my parents separated while i was in highschool so there’s that

[teddy-feathers]

I haven't shaved my legs in like... Half a year? Cause it itches when ir grows back and I aint here to impress none of you, and also its a hassle when mostly my legs are covered so why bother.

But I wanted to try that sugar scrub thing cause bad set of days and anything to make you feel... Okay. Break the routine. Take care of youself.

So I did and shaved and theyre smoother than theyve ever been and... My first thought was how... Weird they looked. Girly.

And so yesterday I spent all day obsessing over how I hate my long hair and how without it my round face looks stupid and and and

... And I'm so...

Its weird how safe a binder feels. Its not that different from a sports bra but it feels different and I LOOK different

Like yeah im not perfectly flat but neither are non boobed chests.

And its weird because Ill look at the mirror and go "i look off" because booba make you look round and with a binder im square.

And while I feel guilty for it... I like looking square.

It all feels like... Like Im juat easily susceptible. But... I also try not to get attached to things I like.

I cant tell which is at play here. Maybe its all some sort of vanity.

Im not a guy - Erics a guy and he told me weeks ago and then came out at work and Im happy for him but im not a guy and the idea of people calling me such just feels like a hassle and wrong.

Ive been a girl my whole life and aside from that bs stage where I hated EVERYTHING about being a girl... It never bothered me the parts i have or the pronouns applied.

Well the period thing is bs and god I really think boobs are bullshit and want them gone...

Which is why ive been like... Testing myself.

And honestly. I dont fucking know. Or care.

Im me.

Just me.

Im just... Scared that being me isnt.

That it isnt okay or that I'm being fake or appropriating what isnt for me.

Cutting my hair doesn't change shit about me... But it scares me what people will see and say.

Im not a guy. Im not a butch lesbian - or a lesbian at all. Im not as work puts it "counter culture" im not... Anything really.

But sometimes I go to work and I have a bra on, or I dont which is annoying how naked i feel when i didnt sign up for boobs, or a binder.

And soon I may cut my hair off almost entirely because I want to and... I think most of the reason Ill hate myself for that is just how much of my life revolves around how people see me.

Im not here for anyone... But I dont want all that... Trouble.

I started wearing boxers at home. Its the nice balance of wearing no pants but also theyre like shorts so i dont feel naked.

And i wear my work clothes or leggings and a long top with them and wearing girly clothes seems less bad...

Dont get me wrong I LIKE my clothes a lot. Especially the ones i picked out and bought for myself without anyone around because... I bought them for me and I can feel that.

But I feel again like a huge fake.

Why wear a binder or boxers if i dont want anything to change much? Or if i cant narrow down what that much is?

Why bother cutting my hair if itll just make me feel exposed and wrong even if i want to do it?

Why do my naked legs look grosser to me now than they did when I didnt shave? How did the shape of them change so much?

Why does any of this MATTER to the point its bugging me, when it doesnt feel like it does or should?

Somedays I want to be hard lines. Others I want to be that sort of soft in all the right ways that ive never put in the work to achieve. Mostly though I just bounce between two different flavors of casually relaxed/cutish?

Idk. Gender is bullshit anyways. But its easy to SAY "just do what makes you happy" and its another to exist in the real world where if I or someone else doesnt like it I don't have a character slider to fix myself to how I feel.

How many times have I dont something only to hate it after the excitement wore off?

How many times has one wrong look set me into hating everything?

Being a girl... Even a lazy one who doesnt try. Is kinda like being invisible once I learned how to live inside myself.

Now I want to do things that will... Make me less invisible and in a way older folk will disapprove of and people will judge me on.

Idk how to reconcile that.

I don't know how bad i want this.

I dont know how much is fake or how much is just a struggle to find a bit of newness to push back all the bad emotions you know?

Avpd and self discovery is not a great combination.

"Whats the worst that could happen"? Usually youd be right but uh. The worst is self loathing and having to put myself back together after the fallout.

And ill ponder and stress about this... And ill either not do it and be sad, oe give into an impulse and emotionally shit will hit the fan.

Nonbianary feels like the wrong lable but. Ive never wanted to be a girl and even though I'm at peace with it i still don't want it.. And Im not a guy.

Eric knows hes a guy. A girl I know knows shes a girl.

Im just. A stupid attention seeking idiot.

[decaynow]

∞

SHDHDHHSHD DOES THIS MEAN YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER WHICHEVER ONES I WANT OR ALL OF THEM??? Fuck it, I’m done with stuff at this job so. I’ll do them all. Why not

1. What is you middle name?

Gerard

2. How old are you?

20

3. When is your birthday?

June 20th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Geminiii

5. What is your favorite color?

RED but i also love black

6. What’s your lucky number?

6!!! I like this question’s placement. 6 because Grimmjow but also because HAIL SATAN 666 AAAAAA

7. Do you have any pets?

I have a lil’ black pitbull named Trixie!!!

8. Where are you from?

Georgia the state

9. How tall are you?

5’3

10. What shoe size are you?

uhhh i actually do not know my size in men’s I think it’s like a 5??? Technically in women’s I’m a 7.5 but I tend to buy a half size up A. because doc martens doesn’t do half sizes and B. i dont really like for my shoes to be tight

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

... a lot. I have a shoe fetish ngl.

12. What was your last dream about?

I think I had a dream last night..? About Invader Zim maybe???

13. What talents do you have?

I CAN SING LIKE ANY TWENTY ONE PILOTS SONG, i can touch my tongue to my nose, I have a pretty decent Kermit the frog impression, and I have other weird flexes but I cant remember them rn because my memory sucks

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Idk, sometimes I can predict what song will play next but I think I’m just lucky.

15. Favorite song?

Hhh this is so hard to answer bc I wanna pick something metal but tbh... Holding On To You by Twenty One Pilots

16. Favorite movie?

Either Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron (I know the whole movie by heart and all the songs)

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

HBNGFHBB,, i dont know I thirst after many celebrities and fictional characters and they’re all kind of different. I guess someone who won’t make me be someone I’m not. Obviously my lack of adult qualities probably isn’t endearing but idk, someone who’s willing to let me be a lil’ childish. I’d like someone who takes the reigns when it comes to adult stuff, I wanna be a stay at home dad and manage our place and kids or pets and stuff. I like kinda being left to my own devices. That will include me constantly wanting to be in ur space LOL

18. Do you want children?

YEAH... REALLY BADLY... but idk if I’ll ever get to have any bc I dont think anyone would want to date me and marry me and have them LMAO so I dont think I should be trying ever

19. Do you want a church wedding?

My ideal wedding is in a graveyard, on October 31st, at sundown, we are being married on an altar of black candles and jack-o-lanters, the autumn colours are flourishing, and I am carried out to the walkway down to the altar in a casket. Everyone is required to wear black except for our bestmen/bridesmaids and me or whoever I marry. If they aren’t dressed like it’s a funeral I’m kicking them out. Deadass. I want the gothest wedding imaginable.

20. Are you religious?

I do kinda believe in stuff but I’m not a fan of organized religion. I mean, I’m a fan as in, the aesthetic and idea of organized religion is majorly sexy, but i feel like religion is really personal and not a public thing for me. Also 666 hail sa-

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Nope!!! Never broken a bone or had any kind of emergency LOL

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

ONCE I GOT PULLED OVER FOR ROLLING THRU A STOP SIGN AND I CRIED

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I’VE MET HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD TWICE!!! And I’ve met Norman Reedus too. I also went to school with Chandler Riggs (not to put my location on blast HDYDUFHDGDGDD) uhhh I can’t think of anyone else if I have I’d probAOH. Shannon whatever her name is from Stranger Things. She was at my last TØP concert and I asked her for a picture bc my friends were too shy to say anything but since idk her i didnt care LOL

24. Baths or showers?

I like both but I take showers more often

25. What color socks are you wearing?

One is The Scream by Edvard Munch and one is The Kiss by Gustav Klimt

26. Have you ever been famous?

Not like BIG famous but like, people in my school all knew me basically because I was always Doing Shit

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Maybe??? Part of me doesnt want all my shit on blast but at the same time idgaf

28. What type of music do you like?

E... everything... i lean towards punk, pop punk, rock, metal, alternative and whatever but i will literally go from Hannah Montana to Dethklok to Twenty One Pilots to Ghost to Katy Perry don’t test me

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

NO and idk if i want to i dont like to be naked

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

I have 7 but i usually have 8. I like a lot of pillows. I want more.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

... ur asking an active sleeper that question. I don’t even know what position i wake up in.

32. How big is your house?

Normal sized I guess???

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I DONT EAT IT BECAUSE I DONT WAKE UP IN THE MORNING

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

I think my dad let me once when I was a kid but that’s because he’s a bad father

35. Have you ever tried archery?

YEAH i sucked at it but in my head i imagine being good at it lol

36. Favorite clean word?

Salutations, Shenanigans or Hold

37. Favorite swear word?

hmmm would go with your classic fuck but tbh i LOVE to lengthen it to motherfucker. Think in terms of most used though, God Damnit.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Maybe two days?

39. Do you have any scars?

:/ I have a lot. Some are from me being dumb (the scar on my leg from melting tape) and some are from me being really dumb (scars on my wrist and arm and thigh) but I’m not ashamed of them, in fact I like scars and bruises. I just hate when people randomly ask about them in person (ie “omg what happened!?!?”) because it’s like... self harm scars are pretty obvious about what’s going on so when you ask like that... idk wtf to say.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

PROBABLY??? But im oblivious.

41. Are you a good liar?

Hhjfguvghhh maybe sometimes??? I try not to lie though and i think its impossible bc im a gemini so there’s a little truth in everything I say

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO IM STUPID

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

NOOOOOOO i can do Kermit the Frog and thats it

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I’m southern so yes

45. What is your favorite accent?

I LOVE YOU SWEDISH PEOPLE... also love irish accents but also i cant understand anything bc my ears are stupid

46. What is your personality type?

Rambunctious

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I have a $100 Ghost hoodie but I think my Big Boots were $148

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yas

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Inward belly buttons or perish

50. Left or right handed?

LEFT LEFT LEFT

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Hmhnghhhhnnnn depends, usually

52. Favorite food?

PASTAAA

53. Favorite foreign food?

I fucking LOVE udon

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I am a messy person doing my absolute best to be clean

55. Most used phrased?

like ever? I start most sentences with “you know what i hate?” But mostly i tend to parrot memes. If I think something is funny I repeat it to myself over and over until it isn’t.

56. Most used word?

Probably “I” because I cant ever stop talking about my damn self

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

... i dont wanna talk about it (a while)

58. Do you have much of an ego?

... I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT (i simultaneuosly... hate myself but also think im the best)

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

SUCK WHO IS BITING THEM???

60. Do you talk to yourself?

SO FUCKING MUCH

61. Do you sing to yourself?

OBVIOUSLY

62. Are you a good singer?

... no but it doesnt stop me

63. Biggest Fear?

I HATE MIRRORS I HATE BATHROOM MIRRORS IN THE DARK THAT STUPID FUCKING CHANT I HATE IT I CANT SAY IT EVER ITS MY FEAR

64. Are you a gossip?

I dont want to be but I’m a gemini so it just HAPPENS

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Man i dont even know just go watch Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I prefer to have mine long but i kinda wanna cut it, i LOOOVE guys with long hair

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Oh definitely Not

68. Favorite school subject?

ART or biology

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous?

LOTS OF SHIT GOD BUT I HATE DOING A BAD JOB OR MAKING MISTAKES

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Sometimes, it just depends

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Hhhffudhdhhh only if I know I wont come off condescending

74. Are you ticklish?

YEAH BUT DONT TICKLE ME I KICKED MY CHUCKLEFUCK EX IN THE DICK ONCE FOR TICKLING ME, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT BUT U SHOULD STILL BE WARNED

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Dont think so

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Sometimes I told groups in school to just let me do all the work because I didn’t trust them with my grade.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

... like a few days ago but tbh alcohol is disgusting and i only wanna drink banana liquor or else i dont drink at all bc its gross

78. Have you ever done drugs?

I desperately wish i had more drugs in my life but i dont wanna come off as a crackhead

79. Who was your first real crush?

EITHER SPIDER-MAN OR YUGI MUTO

80. How many piercings do you have?

I WISH I HAD MY NIPPLE PIERCED SO BADLY... also if i HAD A DICK god nerf’d me I WOULD GET PIERCINGS UP MY DICK... also my (expensive) dream is to get like subdermal/metadermal? implants on my forehead and get devil horns

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yep

82. How fast can you type?

I type... so fast

83. How fast can you run?

Maybe kinda fast but not for long

84. What color is your hair?

Naturally its brown but the bottom half is bleached and one side is yellow and the other is green

85. What color is your eyes?

Bluuue

86. What are you allergic to?

FIRE ANT BITES AND AMOXICILLIN AND I HAVE HAD HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES WITH BOTH

87. Do you keep a journal?

Kind of??? I have a poetry journal and I write dreams down sometimes.

88. What do your parents do?

My mom does like marketing and my dad does carpet cleaning

89. Do you like your age?

No I wanted to die at 12 and I wanna die now. The difference is I didn’t think I’d live this long so now I have no idea what I’m doing.

90. What makes you angry?

FUCKING EVERYTHING IF YOU DATE ME OR BEFRIEND ME YOU NEED TO KNOW I WILL RAGE ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AND U CANNOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN LEST I FOAM AT THE MOUTH

91. Do you like your own name?

YEAH I PICKED IT!!! But i also wanna change it but i kinda cant bc Johnny from HU called me Reimond and they all know me as Reimond. But also I wanna be Lucifer Slade Solo.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

TOBIAS JEREMY AND EMELE CECILIA

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I’d be fine with either but tbh!!! Probably a boy.

94. What are you strengths?

HDHDUFHHH,, I NEVER TRULY GIVE UP I JUST GET ANGRIER. I’M INDEFATIGABLE

95. What are your weaknesses?

yelling. if you yell at me i will get upset. if im yelling its fine but if you yell i’ll cry. also roaches.

96. How did you get your name?

Well i consider Reimond the “masculine” version of my deadname!!! Technically there’s Racheal but it’d just get pronounced the same and I still have to correct people on Reimond (EVERYONE KEEPS THINKING IM SAYING RAYMAN) and Gerard is my middle name bc MCR, and I would love to change my last name lol.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I know of

98. Do you have any scars?

U ASKED THIS ALREADY

99. Color of your bedspread?

I have Star Wars sheets with Kylo Ren and storm troopers! I also have Spider-Man sheets.

100. Color of your room?

It’s like painted like a beige colour but most of my stuff is dark lol