#its very much a city from a country person's perspective. i think it works. its a very oppressive atmosphere

[pyrriax]

i think i'll spontaneously combust when i hit 20k posts on this blog. what the hell. (my queue is putting in the work. also the multiple reblogs of the same posts because i have a Point to make.)

[theothersideofthewoods]

Introductions!

Hey everyone! I'm gonna pin this for any new followers to get an idea of the kind of person I am and the thing I'm writing. Always happy to respond, feel free to message!! :)

In the following sections, I've boldened the most important aspects, if you really want just a lightning-quick summary, but otherwise I have, as is my usual fashion, yapped.

Enjoy the read!

The Author:

Hi! I'm Eliot. I'm a student of English Literature and for years I've been DMing and writing fantasy novels. I thought I'd make this blog as a sort of public diary to record progress on my current novel as it's the largest piece of work I have ever done to date. Part of my degree focusses a lot on Mediaeval Romances, Arthurian Legend and Old English Epics as well as Graeco-Roman Classics and I wanted somewhere to channel that fascination into my very own world of myth and legend. I'm always on the lookout for more writer friends so if you want to, why not introduce yourself in the comments (or PMs if you're feeling shy!)

The World of Waystone:

It is a high fantasy set in a world largely inspired by the 19th Century, drawing ideas from all sorts: from the French Revolution to the British Empire, from the Industrial Revolution to the Romantics, from Victorian England to Edo Period Japan. I've taken a lot of inspiration from folklore, history and religion from around the world as well as throughout history. I've not conscribed myself to one century or continent, but instead pick and choose across the multitudes of human history whichever I think the most fascinating to explore. That being said, I always will be a sucker for the 1800s. This world is, to me, an ever-expanding, constantly shifting, indefinable shape which I learn more about every time I sit down to write. This current project is not the only time I have used the world and it has been in conception for over a year but anything outside of this narrative has been small D&D campaigns (one-shots) or the odd short story. I have wanted to create a longer work set in Waystone for a while. That is, until I began to write this.

This novel takes place in the continent of Bantiel in the late 9th Millennium. The continent is split in two by a great mountain range in the middle named The World Spine and is home to the mystical Forest of Secrets where the Fae are said to reside. One of the most important details for me is that the political boundaries/kingdoms are not defined by race/species nor do the races have their own respective religions. Though, of course, each race has its own creation story and each nation has its own religious practices. I have come up with reams of mythology and history but, for the most part, I try to treat the world outside of the story as though it already exists because, to the characters, it does. It is a world where Gods are present and this presence has, for millennia, changed and interfered with the lives of mortals. It has been almost 9,000 years since the wars between the Gods that shook the earth and the mortals have grown complacent with their own power. Many wars have broken out between nations; many factions beyond those defined by borders have sprung up.

With this being my longest work set in Waystone, as well as one I feel comfortable sharing to a much wider audience (as D&D campaigns have only been between me and my friends), I will treat it as the first instalment of the World of Waystone. The novel requires no previous knowledge, not even this blog! It is still in the works, but when I publish it it won't assume any prior understanding. I just hope this blog can get other people excited about the world too! :)

Concept:

Originally, I intended to write a sort of Slice of Life story where the perspective hops from person to person, city to city, country to country and weaves this interlinked narrative of all of the small insignificant events that build to make a full, entire world. I wanted something that let me go to all the stretches of the world and to see all of these varying lives and to explore different types of societies, different types of people, different landscapes and different 'normals'. But, the more I thought about it, the more I leaned more towards exploring Waystone on a much more down-to-earth level. It needed characters, it needed life, it needed personal input and something not 'Slice of Life' at all, something completely opposite of ordinary. It needed something Extraordinary, to bring out the ordinary. Something atypical to serve as a reference point to explore all of the differences across the world. And instead of the perspective hopping to different characters all across Waystone, the characters themselves would make that journey.

However, to have a narrative that ranges across the world means that I need characters from all across the world. And so, thus began my planning process. The main cast of the novel is comprised of five people from all across the world, each with their own lives and problems, each with their own aims. The more effort I put into these characters, the more involved I felt with them and the more I understood about my world. This way, I can explore a different aspect with each of their backstories, taking the perspective all across the world just how I wanted, whilst, at the same time, having a group to interact with one another, to have intertwined and complicated relationships and to look into the daily lives of.

The more I planned this story, the more I found myself insanely inspired. And, because of this, I have been churning out a ridiculous amount of content. It's lucky, then, that the story's arc is an ambitious one; though, to begin to give an idea of what I mean, I must explain something else.

The Structure:

Every piece of work up until this one, I have always ended up with relatively short narrative arcs. This is a habit I really wanted to kick and so, upon starting this work, I devised a new creative method for myself and can now confidently say it works. Rather than having a single arc from start to finish, even with intermediary smaller arcs or parallel arcs (ie. sub-plots), I instead divided the main narrative into many smaller arcs. This episodic structure meant that I could, instead of having one main climactic scene, or one main denouement, have many climaxes, many resolutions and the story would continue on. It's almost like the structure of a television series. Yet, to make sure I write a substantial amount for each 'Episode,' these Parts are divided themselves into chapters.

When I publish this, I aim to post it online and for it to be a continuous web novel with something like weekly chapters. Each Part is named so it would, for example, look like this:

Let the Reign Fall: IV

With the Part's number only being next to the first chapter of each and the title being before every chapter number(And yes, that is the title for Part One).

There is no end in sight, but that does not mean the plot won't have larger arcs or resolutions, but when one line ends I will always make sure to open another one. I love these characters too much to just stop at any point and the world is so vast I have so much to explore.

When I have written enough, so much that I feel I have a fairly substantial backlog, I will begin posting weekly chapters. Don't worry, I'll keep up with updates here so you know exactly how far along it's coming!!

The Characters:

These are only the main characters, but are by no means the only important characters in the story. What with each of their own histories, families and previous relationships alongside encounters they make along their journey, from new friends to fearful enemies to everything in between, the world soon becomes a vast place. Though there are more than five, this is because the central cast changes over the course of the story (I promise it isn't just that I can't count). In future updates I will post more character intros!

Ren: A drow who escaped his war-torn life in the cities under the surface. A mysterious wanderer, he is clearly hiding something. Under his favourite black-and-red cloak, he always holds a weapon close. In his dreams he sees the future and not once have they failed to come true. With harrowing visions of the future, he searches for a new life in the nation of Cerulea - or just about anywhere that isn't home. However, he struggles to let go of the past and with his sense of self. Despite his cold exterior, he is very sentimental.

Prince Alastair: The Prince of Cerulea. A highly educated, elitist and over-proud young man. He is the heartthrob of the nation and, naturally, has an ego. An elf of over two hundred years old, soon he must inherit the title of King and has, for years, been trained as a diplomat. Yet, he isn't loved by everyone and many want him dead, whether it's because of his arrogance or his sadistic streak. Because of the strain of public life, he has become somewhat detached from emotions.

Maia: A Fae from deep within the Forest of Secrets, beyond the borders to Waystone and deep into the Kingdoms of the Spiritworld. She is the Princess of the Seelie Court. With her best friend, she ran away from her own wedding and doesn't even know of the existence of other elves, other Fae people, beyond the Forest. Erratic and energetic, she proudly carries her magic staff with her wherever she goes, even despite sorcery being forbidden. A master of the arcane arts, she has a particular interest in illusory magic which makes her difficult to understand and difficult to believe what one sees about her...

Diavol: On the run for serial murder charges, this elusive and over-confident criminal is perpetually a source of poignancy for Ren, ever since he left him all alone twenty years ago. He is a stickler for the city scene and a reputed womaniser. Self-taught in the ways of sorcery, oftentimes he resorts to dirty tricks and 'cheap shots' with his quick-casting, underhanded spells. Yet, on top of this, a secret that none other than Ren knows, he has the ability to read minds, and uses this to his advantage to evade arrest and flirt with strangers.

Asphodella: A strange loner, dressed like a noblewoman from thousands of years ago, she visibly stands out in a crowd. Rude and self-assured, she does not let anyone tell her what to do. She has mastered the art of shapeshifting and at times can let her bestial, violent nature out. Bloodthirsty, fierce and independent, though at times a softer, more sympathetic side comes out. Her heart holds a dark past.

Illuvi: An exorcist from the rural countryside of Narika. Renowned for his bad temper and vulgar language, many people are scared off by his aggressive nature. However, he is now being chased by the Spirit Hunters for failing to exorcise a spirit. He felt pity for it, only young, as it took the form of a child and he could not bring himself to kill it. Now, she calls him her older brother and the two of them live by themselves off of the land, running from place to place and sleeping outside. He uses himself to channel elemental magic and controls flames at the expense of his body.

Akari: The spirit that Illuvi could not kill. Takes the form of a young girl and is (mostly) tame. Shy, softly spoken and naturally skittish, this kitsune practically clings to her older brother wherever they go. Afraid of what humans will do to her, the only person she trusts is Illuvi. Wields magical power beyond human comprehension but, being a young spirit, her inexperience means that she does not know how to control it. Oftentimes changes into fox form and hides up trees.

The Plot:

With a story that spans across a whole world, with characters that, too, span across a whole world, one of the more difficult things I have struggled with when creating this story is how they meet each other. However, there is one thing that they all have in common: they have all run away from something in their past.

As they each search for something, whether that's a new life, a new love, a safe place, a home or somewhere free from the law, they find each other and, consequently, get tangled up in each other's lives. They're tied into a grand conspiracy to destroy the monarchy, involved in the escape from pursuers and left with no one to turn to but each other.

If you want to know more, I'm going to post a synopsis/blurb thing later so look out for that!

Closing Thoughts:

Anyway, thank you for reading this far. I hope this gives you a better idea of what this project exactly is. I know this intro is long but that's because I actually have already written a fair amount and there is a lot of content, and many creative decisions, to summarise. I'm going to keep adding to my blog with updates on the writing process. Follow for more, I've always got a lot to say about this, and have a nice day!!

[truehumanform]

i know i hated this job, and i think that company is extraordinarily evil. but like,,, everyone there was still a normal person. and im just thinking about that right now.

one of the other interns had to stay late on his last day to finish up, in the room where he'd been working & hanging out alongside 20ish other interns in different parts of the company. i went over to grab a snack from the fridge and he was sitting there at his computer alone, surrounded by vacant seats and cleaned up, empty desks.

he was trying not to cry, and he pretty much apologized for being emotional because men aren't supposed to cry. i don't think he hates his university but i know he loved being at work as a social environment. ridiculous sentiment from my perspective but like, he made good friends over the summer and then they're all moving back out all over the country to wherever they're from.

and all they have is sterile LinkedIn profiles and professional recommendations and resume details. and maybe a groupchat. and he doesn't even think he's allowed to be emotional about it all.

i had to call a senior engineer the other day to ask some questions, and he started talking about his daughter, and how he only saw her for two days after she graduated before she left to work somewhere else. he told me how great of a job he thought i was doing, but more importantly he asked if i was still planning on going back to my hometown to visit my parents. he even remembered what city i was from.

at work i try to come across as very sterile and professional (because i hate my job and do not want to be friends with my coworkers), so i'm giving polite workplace impersonal responses to this man who just wants to have a conversation with another person, a regular college kid. he asks about my college experience and i reply that i find classes enjoyable but that real work experience has been highly valuable. That wasn't what he was asking.

towards the end he just sat on the phone line in silence for about 20 seconds before finally asking if i had any more questions and wishing me a good day & hanging up.

i don't know what i wish i'd done. i don't want to become an aspect of the professional corporate persona, but i don't believe this company i work for deserves to get my Real Personal self. im wasnt even out at work i was cishet to them.

I want to be kind to my coworkers. I tried to do as little work for that company as possible and I never want to go back there. Despite my best efforts i found camaraderie with the other coworkers in my room, pretending to be someone who doesn't despise the very existence of the company and didn't regret ever accepting the job. i think its just human nature to connect with each other even in weird scenarios.

[imakemywings]

A+ Library Review: "The Bruising of Qilwa" by Naseem Jamnia

Review #3! We're on a roll, and breaking into my favorite genre: fantasy. "A+ Library" is my bit where I review books with asexual and/or aromantic characters.

Previous review: Loveless by Alice Oseman

The book description for this one is:

Firuz-e Jafari is fortunate enough to have immigrated to the Free Democratic City-State of Qilwa, fleeing the slaughter of other traditional Sassanian blood magic practitioners in their homeland. Despite the status of refugees in their new home, Firuz has a good job at a free healing clinic in Qilwa, working with Kofi, a kindly new employer, and mentoring Afsoneh, a troubled orphan refugee with powerful magic. But Firuz and Kofi have discovered a terrible new disease which leaves mysterious bruises on its victims. The illness is spreading quickly through Qilwa, and there are dangerous accusations of ineptly performed blood magic. In order to survive, Firuz must break a deadly cycle of prejudice, untangle sociopolitical constraints, and find a fresh start for their both their blood and found family.

The character: Firuz-e Jafari, aro/ace

Final verdict: Thumbs up

The Asexual Rep

There's honestly not much to say on this front. Outside the one-off mention of Firuz finding sex and romance both as appealing as a maggoty banana, there's really nothing else that addresses their orientation. In terms of queer identity, there's a lot more time in the book devoted to their brother Parviz being trans than to Firuz's sexuality. There's no awkwardly unrequited crushes, or jokes about obliviousness to flirting (in fact, Firuz immediately picks up on Parviz and Afsoneh's interest in each other), or angsting about a perpetually-single future.

If you're looking for a book that explores an aro or ace identity, this will likely disappoint you. If you want a book with ace or aro characters that doesn't center on their identity, this may be perfect.

The Rest

The Bruising of Qilwa is a pretty short book, almost a novella. It barely hits 150 pages. As such, I feel it doesn't explore its many focuses as much as it could.

One prong of the book deals with Firuz's interpersonal relationships--with their brother, with Afsoneh, with Kofi. This part of the book I really enjoyed. I think it does a wonderful job showing how even well-intentioned and loving people can end up at odds. I did think it was slightly odd how little Firuz's mother is a part of the story even though she's around. This is often hand-waived as her being off at prayer, and she doesn't have to be a core of the story, but it did seem odd to me.

Firuz's relationship with Afsoneh is particularly touching, given where her story began. Another author would have made this a YA novel with Afsoneh or Parviz as the star, and Firuz as the often-absent-at-work older sibling, so I thought it was very interesting to see this sort of relationship from the mentor's perspective. Afsoneh is remarkably powerful in magic, and often sour and sulky when she feels like Firuz is holding her back or keeping more knowledge from her--but of course, Firuz is desperately trying to train her with their own limited knowledge, and their early awareness that Afsoneh is much more powerful than they are. From Afsoneh's view, Firuz may appear adult and in control, but the reader can see them as the late 20s/early 30s harried "Oh shit I'm the adult in the room" person they are.

A second prong has to do with the fantasy history of Qilwa, the island where Firuz and their family are refugees, and the neighboring country of Delmune, which also harbors the remnants of the Sassanians--former residents of the now-defunct Sassanid Empire. Bruising does pose some interesting questions about identity where a people is presently oppressed or disfavored, but has been oppressor themselves in the past. We see so much of Firuz's struggle as a Sassanian in Qilwa--the Sassanian refugees are predictably scorned by the local Qilwans--that you can almost understand their shock when Kofi points out that to Qilwans, Sassanians are the ones carrying a legacy of oppressing (Firuz even jumps in to point out how many intellectual achievements the Sassanid Empire made, which I think made for a reasonably realistic response to a perspective they had obviously never considered).

However, because the book is so short, there's not really much room to dig into these things. We know only a skeletal outline of the history of these three cultures, and very little about what defines them, except that blood magic affinity seems to appear--or at least be nurtured--exclusively by Sassanians, while Qilwans worship something called "The Nameless One." There's some mysterious killing of Sassanians going on back in Delmune which is mentioned several times (this is why Firuz and their family left), but it's never resolved or even confirmed as an intentional ethnic cleansing. Not that every plotline in a book must resolve--but this seemed like a significant thing to leave hanging to me.

The third prong of the book is what I'm calling the "fantasy medical mystery." A new plague has cropped up by Firuz's second year in Qilwa, and they and their mentor Kofi are desperate to find a cure. In Bruising, there are both healers, who use magic to heal, and physikers, who are what we would call doctors. Illnesses can be both mundane or magical. Firuz and Kofi are up against a baffling and deadly malady, the prejudice of the locals, a serious lack of funding, the meddling of a clumsy government, and the question of whether or not someone has created this disease on purpose.

If the book had focused exclusively on this aspect, 153 pages might have been plenty to really dig into it. As it is, while this feels like the "main" aspect of the book, it often gets sacrificed to the first two prongs, because there's just not enough space for all three. We don't get to see much of Firuz looking for answers about the illness, but it is interesting to see the social ramifications play out across the city.

Overall, this book was enjoyable, and if you want a book with no sex or romance in it, this is a great choice. It simply doesn't come up, outside the brief implication that Parviz and Afsoneh share a mutual crush. To Firuz, what matters is their family and their patients. I do think this book would have benefited from being longer, and I would have liked to see its fantasy cultures fleshed out more. It didn't leave a strong impression on me, but it definitely kept me entertained while I was reading it.

[pepper-salt]

Re: book concept, randomly saw your post and wanted to give my completely honest opinion and unprofessional advice as a fantasy reader in the hopes that this book will be completed!

The characters certainly could have potential but I'd be more interested in hearing what the plot of this story is? How do the characters motivations relate to each other and the world?

I'd also say that less is more and it might be worth combining the princess and the prince since all there is for the prince are the body issues and if you combined them there could be a more complex and interesting interplay of traits. Maybe showing how a character's desire to help people relates to their body issues? Or how they help others when they cannot help themselves? Especially if this is a medieval setting and (i'm assuming) a trans story, in a time when there wasn't much of an outlet for those feelings, showing how this character might've found other ways to cope. The motivations of the princess and the oracle are also pretty similar, so it could even be worth combining the prince, princess, and oracle, and having the crux of the story be centered around really developing the one relationship between that character and the god.

On the note of setting, I'd be curious how this medieval feudal monarchy functions and recommend exploring the implications of such a thing critically. Maybe making the oracle and god the two main characters and giving the oracle the traits of the princess and prince. You don't have to make the royalty outright villains but I think a story from an outsider perspective is more personally interesting to me. It presents more conflict to focus on an oracle who might not necessarily be from nobility and has to work harder to convince their regents.

Final thought, definitely not saying an overly defined magic system is necessary But I'm interested in at least how magic and gods are viewed in this world? Is the oracle a peasant born with unusual powers? Are their powers derived from the god or from the same source as theirs? Or is the oracle not magical at all? A well meaning fraud or a genuinely deluded royal fortune teller?

I'm sure you already have answers to many of these questions, just a little bit of food for thought. Coming up with a cast of characters is fun but I find that diving into a few specific ideas is where you'll find the meat of the book.

Thank you so much for your feedback! I honestly didn't expect to hear from anyone for at least a few days! Yes, I did make a mistake by not putting a plot in my description. I haven't fully made a comprehensible plot yet, but I have one pretty figured out. My plot is mostly about taking down the corrupt political and nobility system from the inside. It follows the story of the seige of a country. Two of my main characters are from this country and the other two are from the opposing country. The oracle is from the opposing country. Their motivations mostly relate to their experiences within the inner council of their country and during the siege of the other country. Their desire to change things is brought up from seeing the people in their country struggle through they tyrany of the royals. The prince and the princess are both nobles of the same country that is taken down in the beginning of the plot. This country is a lot better in terms of political systems, but it is very secluded and behind the other countries of its time. The princess's motivations stem from seeing the rise of homelessness and poverty due to her country being behind its time and being prone to natural disasters quite often. The god is from the same country as the oracle. He was originally the patron of a now destroyed small city. After his lover was killed by the citizens of the city, he destroyed it and killed most of its citizens. After that, he created a new country that turned very corrupt over the years. He would like to help the oracle in destroying this country in order to undo his past wrongs.

I also talk a lot about the curses of immortality in my book. Some chapters, mainly the ones told from the point of view of the god, go into detail about the experiences of the earlier times before the world the mortals live in. I also go into depth more towards the end of my book about the gifts and curses of godhood.

I loved your idea of combining the prince and the princess. You have assumed right, I do want to make the prince's story a trans story. I had originally thought of making the two minor characters, but never combining them. Your feedback has really helped me because I was having a hard time figuring out how to make them their own fully fledged characters. I might take your advice and also make this new character a minor character in the oracle's story. I had thought at one point about making the book just about the oracle and the god. They are my two most developed characters, despite being the newest of the four. It would leave more room for the many months of development I have had with them.

The feudal monarchy in my book is mainly inspired by medieval Europe. This hierarchy of feudalism with the upper class ruling over is what mainly inspires the country the oracle and the god are from. This country is very corrupt, as I have said multiple times. (Sorry! I'm a bit repetitive.) It is a country that doesn't have a lot of modern laws that the other countries in this world do. It endorses forced and child marriages, meaningless execution and punishment, heavy immigration laws, and lots of prejudice towards the impoverished. The Oracle being royal is a very important part to my story as it helps me to write about taking down this system from the inside, however, I would like to make my book multi-POV and I would like to include perspectives from some of the commoners that they interact with to include that outsider perspective that you talked about. For example, in the book, the Oracle teams up with a crew of sea explorers to smuggle immigrants out of the country in an attempt to help the people affected by its corruption. A majority of these excerpts that I have already written are from the perspective of different members of this crew. The oracle does already share a lot of the values of the prince and princess, as you have said. I might take your feedback and combine the princess's need to make a home for her people with the oracle's need to change their country when talking about this story of immigrants.

The magic system I have created isn't entirely original, but it is different. Most people in this world are born with some kind of magic, with the exception of humans. Magic is widely taught as a life skill in all of the countries. In the human countries, any magic is man-made through experiments and ways of torture. There are some exceptions. The gods in this world are able to create their own magical beings modeled after them. Two of the gods take on a human form, so any magical being they create looks human, but isn't entirely human. The oracle is one of those beings. They look and act human, but they are a being of pure magic. They type of magic is dependent on the god who created them. The Oracle was created by the sun god, who is the god of a new day and the old sunrise, so they have visions of the future and the past. This sun god is my other main character who created the Oracle to take his place in the council. (I know, so original of me to have a godly council.) My council is made of the original gods. They are gods made from the two formidable ones, creators of the universe.

The way the gods are viewed depends entirely on the country. Most countries worship their gods as deities and saints. They never communicate with their gods directly and some countries even worship deceased gods. Other countries, like the country my two main characters are from, see their god as just another authoritarian figure. The god is almost always in the country and mingling with the people as one of their own. There are also minor gods in my book. These are mostly demigods, some mortals, who have appeased the gods and earned nobility.

Thank you so much for your feedback! I have literally never talked to a single person about my ideas, so it feels so good to hear that someone is interested! Sorry it took so long to respond, I not only had school, but it took me a while to think about your advice. You should really consider taking up writing! Your advice was some of the best I have ever heard! Again, thank you so much, and if you are still interested after reading my repetitive nonsense, I have a writing blog, @olive-souris. I will try to post weekly updates there and go more in-depth into my characters and plot!

[taylortruther]

Hi, its Shakespearean anon. Thanks for responding so thoughtfully (and it did not come across as argumentative at all!!!) Okay, so a couple thoughts:

I don't criticize Taylor for being a romantic/romanticizing her life. I wouldn't change that about her because its one of things that makes her such a brilliant and compelling songwriter. It is also just a nice quality to have, and I think she brings a lot of light and passion and love to the world because of it. Hell, I bet Shakespeare himself had these qualities!!

I agree, if it wasn't her creating her own narrative then it would be the media. Historically it has been the media creating the image we saw of most pop stars and essentially telling their story for them.

For most of Taylor's career she has had to combat that, which I would agree is certainly an external issue. It is an issue I would argue Taylor has for the most part overcome/made peace with. I think she accepts that there will be prying eyes in her life. I don't think Joe ever accepted that and I don't think he ever wanted it. To commit to a relationship with Taylor he had to compromise that he would, to some degree, have prying eyes on his life. I wouldn't really classify that as the world going against their relationship though because that's not anything to do with the relationship but the nature of Taylor's life.

I don't fault Joe for not wanting his relationship or private life put under a microscope. That's a hell of a trade off to make for the person you love. What he was risking was his comfort, his lifestyle, his normal; none of those are small things but (in my mind) a Shakespearean sacrifice needs to be drastic.

Now this is just my amature literary analysis of what makes something Shakespearean and I by no means expect or want Taylor (or any other artist) to adhere to it lol. I think if the resulting situation is just living in limbo, working to preserve the compromises you made to get together, it just isn't drastic enough to be Shakespearean. If Joe gave up his need for privacy or Taylor gave up her drive for fame, then it would certainly be Shakespearean. But that didn't happen, and the result was akin to a city person and a country person just agreeing to live in the suburbs where neither liked the result but hey at least it could be worse!

Anyway, my original point in the original post was wondering why as a storyteller, Taylor kept revisiting the beginning of the relationship. I think in a lot of ways the beginning saga was Shakespearean and romantic and a hero's journey of sort for Taylor, and I understood why she wrote about it the way she did and focused on it the way she did during rep. It really is a good narrative from a storytelling perspective and I think rep being disguised as a love album is why it is one of her best albums narratively. Even on Lover I can see the argument for it, because it ties into the theme of the album. BUT when you look at where they ended up, even just three years in, I think a lot of the romantic/heroic narrative falls apart. Years in, I think it was hard for her to put that Shakespearean shine over their current (at the time) relationship. Almost every song about them was her relationship anxiety or how they got together. It almost feels like Taylor could write about the struggles they faced and eventually overcame together, but not the actual growth. Although that may be reflective of the fact that it appears there was a lot of stagnation and then backtracking and then reconciliation in the relationship, so maybe there were not very many periods of just contentment. Also, I can fully admit that maybe narratively Taylor just prefers the more conflict oriented stories.

Wow I cannot believe I just wrote that much - thanks for always pushing for some interesting discussions. (and I've never used the word Shakespearean so much before lol)

i see where you're coming from. i don't agree with some of this but it was interesting to chew on nonetheless!

tbh i just think humans create stories and narratives - we all do it - so i don't know if i'd ever try to determine if taylor's life "warranted" a specific narrative, because... those narratives don't have strict rules. they're devices she uses to tell us the story of what happened. so i don't think i'd ever think "well, WAS the world really against her? this doesn't fit an us vs them narrative" because it's more satisfying to think, "taylor felt the world was against her, how does she describe that in her art?"

however i agree with you that part of the reason she focused on the early days might have been because she wasn't sure how to process what was going on later on. which is partly why ttpd is going to be such a ride. it feels like she kind of circled around the last few years... but ttpd sounds like it will be catching us up.

thanks for writing so much bestie, i had fun reading it.

[duckduckdilf]

Pathologic, an Underrated Work of Art

Pathologic is a video game made by Russian studio Ice-Pick Lodge located in Moscow Russia in 2005. “In Russia, Pathologic was critically well received, winning year-end accolades from five Russian outlets.”(Pathologic). However the game was not as well received in english speaking countries when the translation was released in 2006. Often calling the game a boring walking simulator.

I think too many people miss the point of this game. Even in positive reviews like the one from Rock, Paper, Shotgun written by Quintin Smith, which is an article quoted by almost every dissection of Pathologic since 2008, misses some points. Such as comparing the game to the Dark Souls series just because the games are both difficult. Which just misses the point of Pathologic. Other reviewers bash the lack of tutorials for certain mechanics or the walking speed of the player (Flynn) though I believe that this adds to the game. 

In the world of Pathologic nothing waits for the player before things happen. The other characters are still healers motivated to save this town and so they do. In real life time never slows down so that you may complete your tasks for the day and so neither does Pathologic. The clock is always ticking and should the player fail to complete everything in time, someone important will fall ill which very well may be the end of the game. 

Pathologic is a game that goes out of its way to make the player have a bad time. This is a game about overcoming a plague but just getting enough food to eat is a monumental task. Everything about the mechanics draws the player into the setting. The very gritty and bleak setting where doctors are forced to kill children for a chance to save the town. Pathologic really hammers home this feeling of helplessness. Like how this first person shooter creates situations where it is better to sell the only gun to avoid starvation. Even if the gun is kept, the fighting mechanics are deliberately terrible. “The game has fighting mechanics in the same way that a car being driven off a cliff has flight mechanics” (hbomberguy 11:53-12:01). This game loves to take everything the audience knows about videogames and turn it on its head.

Pathologic is a great subversion of how survival horror games typically use the in game economy. Where typically in games the economy provides a consistent reward system for the work of the player, it provides a security not found in the real world economy. Survival horror almost never has an in-game economy to make things as unpredictable as possible for the player. Pathologic however uses the in-game economy and the mechanics players are so used to from other games, to enhance the fear and insecurity. (Novitz)

Despite the more fantastical and mystic elements to the game it still grounds itself in a gritty reality. In Pathologic it is much more common to starve to death or fall ill than to die in combat. Due to a pollen in the air, everyone in the Steppe is more susceptible to starvation at this time of year. Only being able to survive twelve hours without food. The main place where the player will find this essential food is in the local store. The first day as the player gets to know the town they might stop by and get acquainted with the prices and mechanics. On the second day, when word gets out that there is a plague, prices do not just double, but go up around six times the original price. Bread that originally cost 350 now costs 2240(Grocery). 

Well, that is enough preamble. Please, take your seats, the curtain is about to rise.

When the games first opened the player finds themselves in a theater with three people on stage. These people are the three playable characters. The Bachelor, the Haruspex and the Changeling. They argue about how to best heal the city. They are all right and wrong in their own ways. 

This initial play sets up some core themes of the game being: perspective and morality all while introducing the theater motif.

As the play concludes the player leaves the theater where we see the character selection screen. Each character has their own story set in the same town where we see their perspective on how they try to cure a plague named Sand Pest that ravages the Steppe on the second day in the game. The unique thing about Pathologic is that as you play one character the others still continue their stories. There are several points in the game where the player speaks with the other two and at times works against them. 

As interesting as the full story is, there is simply not enough time to explain it here. There is a reason most video essays for this game are at least two hours long. Here and today the story will only be explained from the viewpoint of the Bachelor. It is important to highlight that this is not everything for as much as this game is about attempting to cure a plague it is also about perspective.

The intended first character to be played is the Bachelor, Daniil Dankovsky.

Dankovsky is a famed doctor with the goal of defeating death altogether. He is arrogant to say the least. He believes in analytical interpretation above all. He sticks firmly to what he knows and dismisses the more mystical explanations and beliefs of the people of the Steppe. 

In Pathologic every player character has a list of bound. These are people important to that character's story and must be kept alive to the end of the game for any remotely positive ending. For the true endings every characters bound must be healthy by the end of the game, this is the story that will be covered here.

The Bachelors bound are called the Utopians, they are: Mark Immortell,  Eva Yan, Georgiy Kain, Victor Kain, Maria Kaina, Vlad the Younger, Andrey Stematin and Peter Stematin.

Andrey Stematin is the brother of Peter Stematin who is the architect behind one of the great landmarks of the town: the Polyhedron.

The Polyhedron is this large structure on the edge of town made of its own blueprints that seems to defy gravity, the only thing holding the impossible structure up is this large thin spike that pierces the earth. The Polyhedron is off limits to the player until later in the game. The place has been overtaken by the children of the town who claim that it makes dreams.

Vlad the Younger, part of the Olgimsky family. Son of Vlad the older who owns the Termitary which is where the workers of the Abbatoir reside. The Abbatoir being another important landmark to the town, it is a large, tumor like hill with an underground facility made for harvesting the meat of bulls which is the town's main source of food and revenue. The place is closed down before news of the pandemic by Vlad the Younger. The Bachelor learns that Vlad had suspicions about the plague but instead of telling anyone he decided to lock up all the workers in isolation. Later in the story the Termitary doors are unlocked at the arrival of the Inquisitor. Revealing that the Termitary was not clean like the Olgimskys had insisted but instead has had most of its workers die off due to the plague. The bodies of the infected are placed in these giant bags hanging from the ceiling. In that time Vlad has been digging into the ground as he believes that the Sand Pest originates from beneath the Abbatoir. 

Eva Yan is a kind woman who provides the Bachelor with a place to stay. She is not incredibly important to the plot but the player will likely talk to her each day. She is one of the only trustworthy people in this town. Even the other bound do not care about the Bachelor outside of what he can do for them. This makes Eva a real breath of fresh air. Which makes it all the more heartbreaking when she kills herself the night before the arrival of the Inquisitor. Her death hurts, even more so because there just is not enough time in the day to think about her passing. By the time that the player reads the letter with the news there are several more letters with very time sensitive tasks to complete for the day. Which is yet another way Pathologic uses its game mechanics to evoke feelings in the player. The clock is always ticking and in a plague one life lost will not stop a whole town from needing the only available doctor.

On the twelfth and final day of the game after the Bachelor wraps up his business with the Stamatins and Kains he receives a letter from “The Powers That Be”. This is not the first time the player hears from them. They send nightly letters checking in on the progress of the Bachelor who, up until this point, was led to believe that The Powers That Be are some sort of government force that resides in the capital who are so disappointed in his progress that they destroyed his life's work. The letter reads: “A Letter from the Powers That Be, Bachelor! We thought we should write because you don’t seem to be listening to what we tell you! You’ve gotten out of hand! As of late you keep doing whatever you please. This is unacceptable. You are spoiling the game…”. The letter then proceeds to give instructions on how to meet them in the Polyhedron.

Upon entering, the Bachelor is faced with two children and a sandbox recreation of the town. He, understandably, has some questions and concerns and the children supply answers.

These kids made the town in this magic sandbox. The characters are just their least favorite dolls. The Sand Pest is a sandbox pest. The kids say the reason that the topic of their game is so dark is because there is a funeral happening. A funeral that has been going on for ten days. The kids believe that the sandbox is magical in a very similar way that the children of the Steppe believe that the Polyhedron is magic. 

There is one thing that really stands out when they are explaining the situation, and that is the use of the word epidemic. Just the one word says so much because remember these are children, children who think sandboxes are magic, why would they know such a word like epidemic? Because there is one where they live. That is likely what the ten day funeral is for. 

Here is some history: in 1770 a plague broke out in Moscow, Russia, the same city this game was made in and that the city was modeled after. In the beginning, the citizens would not believe that there was a plague, ignoring any measures to prevent infection until it was too late. When the citizens finally believed that there was a plague they blamed it on superstition, thinking that it was punishment for not burying the bodies in the proper christian way. (Mitchell)

This is exactly how the town reacts to the plague. From denying to superstition. On the very first day in Pathologic someone is burned alive in front of a crowd as a sacrifice. The children who made this town are living through a plague and the town they made reflects the reality of their town.

The Bachelor leaves. After all of that, he receives a letter from the Makers. Asking to talk in the theater. The makers are stand-ins for the actual developers of the game and they do not speak with the Bachelor, they speak to the player. “The hero is a doll, but so are the children. The real game is what’s happening between you and us”. This is very literally speaking about the video game. The tragedian puts it more bluntly  “I am exactly what you think I am. A collection of poorly rendered polygons on a screen…”.

 “Perhaps not all is lost yet. Let's wait for the finale and see if the day brings any surprises. We still have a chance to play in a drama with an unpredictable story.” The player: “Watch me act”. This is just fantastic writing. The whole conversation is so unique to Pathologic. There still is not something quite like this since this game came out in 2006. Where else do the game developers speak directly to the player and give them subtle hints to not follow the choices that the main character would make.

There is a true ending that is much more positive after all of this but because context of the other routes is missing the Bachelors choice of finale will have to do. 

The military are in town with guns and bombshells. They are leaving the final decision up to the Bachelor. As he is the only doctor in town he must know by now better than anyone whether or not the town can be saved. The Bachelor looks at the town that he spent twelve days in. Being lied to, infected, starved, robbed and beaten. He looks to the Polyhedron, a beacon of hope. The only place untouched, untainted by the people and the plague. It's a symbol of a better world to come, a utopia. 

What was once a city, now a crater that the Polyhedron looms over like a tombstone.

Pathologic is undeniably art. It is not very often that a game is so well realized and affects its players so profoundly yet seems to have had zero impact in western gaming. Perhaps the sequel will gain more traction so that others will come to understand the masterpiece that is, Pathologic.

Mitchell, Jared. “A Body, Divided: Pathologic.” Heterotopias, 18 July 2017, http://www.heterotopiaszine.com/2017/07/18/body-divided-pathologic/. 

“Grocery.” Pathologic Wiki, https://pathologic.fandom.com/wiki/Grocery. 

hbomberguy. “Pathologic Is Genius, and Here's Why.” YouTube, YouTube, 21 Nov. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsNm2YLrk30&t=721s. 

Flynn, David. “Pathologic 1 & 2 Review --- to Suffer Is to Know.” GAMING TREND, 10 Feb. 2022, https://gamingtrend.com/feature/reviews/pathologic-1-2-review-to-suffer-is-to-know/. 

Bailey, Andrew. “Pathologic.” Critical Distance, 5 Aug. 2020, https://critical-distance.com/2020/07/01/pathologic/. 

Smith, Quintin. “Pathologic: Why It's the Best Game You've Never Played.” Rock Paper Shotgun, Rock Paper Shotgun, 5 Oct. 2014, https://www.rockpapershotgun.com/pathologic-review. 

“Pathologic.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 24 Jan. 2023, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathologic. 

Novitz, Julian. “Scarcity and Survival Horror: Trade as an Instrument of Terror in Pathologic.” Transactions of the Digital Games Research Association, http://todigra.org/index.php/todigra/article/view/64/112.

[bugbearstew]

2022

This year has been an absolute wild ride. I've done so many things and so many things have happened that I wanted to write up something to kind of put it all into perspective for myself mostly.

So 2022 started a panicked scramble to move across the country from Oklahoma to Pittsburgh, PA to live with my partner. This was a big step for me because I had lived in the same house my ENTIRE life! So this was the first time I was moving. It was a pain in the ass, incredibly stressful, but so worth it. I love pittsburgh and I love being here with Meg.

I got a second tattoo! An homage to Van Gogh's sunflowers. I plan on slowly working up to a full sleeve.

We visited a lot of really amazing places like Phipps, the carnegie art museum, the aviary, the frick museum, a bunch of art shows, but my favorite was seeing Hadestown in person in an absolutely astoundingly gorgeous theatre.

This year I started to dig into a lot of different kinds of art. I finished a (small) traditional painting that I still really love. I made some traditional art for Art Fight that I'm really happy with and some lovely gift art for friends. I've also dug a bit back into my own game designing and art for fun. My taste and skill for cooking has EXPLODED since I moved here and I have 4 cook books on my desk alone right now! We also have 4 plants that we take care of and I'm very happy with how they're doing. (yes cooking and plants count as art!!!)

I started reading a LOT more this year! I read... -Small Gods by Terry Pratchett -The Crossroads at Midnight by Abby Howard -The Trees by Percival Everett -Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt -Shiver by Junji Ito God there might be more but I didn't keep a list... I'll keep a list next year

Theres SO many theatres in Pittsburgh! Meg and I saw a couple movies this year. Nope was amazing! Belle was a gorgeous anime movie. But it was Everything Everywhere All at Once that really blew us away. I don't know what I could say that would do that movie justice. I just remember walking home from the movie and getting choked up just discussing it.

Played a ton of games this year. I'm really happy about it because I played a bunch of weird and older games that really expanded how I feel about video games. Between Morrowind, Dwarf Fortress, Caves of Qud, System Shock 2, and Prey 2019 I feel like I've grow a lot in the games I consume and how I look at them.

I didn't get around to playing as many tabletop games this year as I would have liked but my game of Root TTRPG has been going strong! A year now and its so much fun each time! Plus, a weekly game of Gloomhaven has been great. Gloomhaven is a very fun time but also can be draining with how much thinking I have to do.

While moving was the biggest thing for me this year, Art was up there. I left my position working on Sun Haven in September. There were a good handful of reasons that I don't really need to get into but the main thing was I just wasn't happy. After leaving I've felt rejuvenated and excited about art. Working on a bunch of different things and excited to work on more. I have so much planned for 2023 and I can't wait to hit the ground running with projects I'm working on, starting, or planning.

In 2017 my twin sister passed away. That started a big chain reaction that, somehow, led me to here. It was a terrible thing that happened and I still feel the echoes of the pain today. But because of that I have grown into a much stronger person. When I sat in the audience of Hadestown, knowing how much my sister loved musicals, knowing how much she would have loved this one specifically, I fidgeted with my necklace. It's a small silver container of some of her ashes. I turned 30 this year. All of these things coming together, getting out of oklahoma, being in the big city, seeing hadestown, all of the tiny, daily things combined feel like I have closed a chapter in my life. 2022 wasn't an easy year, it had it's ups and downs as any year would. But it was the best year I've had in the past 5. I am so excited to see where I go from here. I don't know what 2023 will bring but I'm expecting big things for all of us.

[green-wiv-envy]

What went wrong with Depop

I remember the first items I bought on Depop. It was back in 2017, actually before I had developed an interest in sustainability. I had just dropped out of university and was working part-time at a local pub. It wasn’t a great time in my life to say the least.

It became a bit of an outlet. For a shopaholic like me, branded items being sold for a fraction of their original price was a no-brainer, and was pivotal in getting me over my aversion to second-hand clothing.

I would see items in shops and think to myself “I’ll just wait six months and buy it for cheap on Depop”. It’s how I got my Topshop Hurricane snake print boots. It saved my hide when I bought some ASOS shoes in the wrong size and then they ran out of the right size, only to stumble across them later on the app.

I didn’t just use it to purchase high street items; Depop was the first time I dipped my toes into the waters of vintage clothing and I found some real bargains on there (although the stench of stale cigarette smoke on the floral maxi skirt I ordered still remains in my nostrils to this day). I found a genuine leather white mini skirt and a Burberry trench (although perhaps that should be third-hand as the seller had purchased it from a vintage clothing store).

I personally never sold on Depop, as I found it was only really the sellers who committed to selling their items (and usually keeping a steady flow of new stock) or those whose items adhered to a tightly curated aesthetic. The layout of Depop is very similar to that of Instagram, and having items in the same style, colour or brand is pleasing to the eye and increases the likelihood of shoppers following the seller (and thus receiving notifications of new items to sell). This approach was much more successful than the sellers with eclectic mix that honestly represented the cast-offs of their wardrobe. Many of the items I bought were a casual seller’s first ever sale, despite usually having around a dozen on offer.

This was not a problem in the beginning- at least not from a shopper’s perspective anyway. But it was a sign of troubles to come.

Those who realised there was money to be made by reselling second-hand items sourced from charity shops (not an inherently wrong thing in my opinion, but a somewhat controversial in sustainability circles online due to the allegation that this denies low-cost clothing to those in a local community who most need it) went into overdrive, hiking up their prices.

The magic word was ‘y2k’, a banner under which anything could be sold for £20 and above, creeping close to the original RRP or sometimes surpassing it!

The app became increasingly challenging to navigate. For maximum visibility sellers would list just a blurb of tags regardless of whether they were relevant; a Topshop skirt manufactured and sold in 2013 could simultaneously be tagged ’90s’ and ’00s’ when the skirt itself frankly bore no resemblance to the clothing of either decade. Brand names would just be used for the sake of increasing their chances of appearing in search results. The rise of even faster fashion brands in the late 2010s became increasingly omnipresent, lowering the overall quality of the items on sale.

So when Vinted launched in the UK, I immediately signed up. At the initial stage the app was pretty glitchy; it would only show a few dozen items and then was unable to download more and at one point was entirely in French. But it soon came to find its footing and since then has firmly established itself amongst young people in the UK. I erroneously assumed that Vinted was a relatively new company, but actually it was founded in Lithuania in 2008 and has since expanded into over a dozen other countries.

It would be fantasy to pretend that Vinted is a shining city on the hill- Shein and its ilk are arguably just as prevalent as they are on Depop (with the small caveat that sellers aren’t charging nearly as much) but its search engine and filters are much better than Depop’s. The layout of the website and the range of items sold bear more resemblance to the early days of eBay (before it became an Amazon copycat dominated by mass-produced new items sold by large companies). I also suspect it will follow a similar trajectory to Depop, starting out as a cheap, sustainable and user-friendly platform that is ultimately undone by its popularity, with sellers asking for unreasonable items for low-quality products leading to a migration to whatever new reselling platform senses an opportunity. But for now, I enjoy Vinted as much as I once did Depop (and perhaps more than is good for my bank account).

[peppertaemint]

I don't know that you'll have a different perspective on this, but tmikpop posted about some of the goals of the possible kakao and sm "collaboration" and one of them was removing a restriction on artist performances(I didn't even know that was a thing) and having them do 20 performances a year.

Maybe I'm out of touch, but I would think that's a good thing? That's literally a tour? Artists(in general) like performing and touring. But you have everyone in the quotes crying about sm overworking the artists(including army, which is funny cause a couple days ago they were laughing about hybe disbanding all these sm flops and now they're concerned about them)

But like, am I the crazy one? I didn't see anyone celebrating the fact that these artists(their favs in a lot of cases) are gonna get to perform. Maybe its coming from the shawol side with Key just saying that he'd like to have a concert but he hasn't been able too, and seeing how much Taemin desperately wanted to perform for fans but couldn't cause of covid before his enlistment, the idea of being upset that they get to do that as much as possible would be insane to me?

Why are kpop fans so backwards???

Thanks for this great Ask.

If Kpop fans were predisposed to infantilization, fetishization, and victimization/othering of Asian artists, COVID exacerbated this. The "big bad" became real, affirming all their worries that Oppa needs to stay at home.

First, COVID really changed the playing field for those of us in jobs that involve extensive international travel. Some of us went from traveling every month to zero. This is true for traveling musicians, which is most SM artists. COVID put us all at home together but separately. I do think that some have gotten used to this "new normal" where no one goes abroad. I notice it in the outsized receptions at airports and with fans seeming to have soured on touring altogether unless it is directly benefitting them. The line seems to be "it's too much unless XYZ artist is playing my city."

The overwork stuff, in my opinion—and I'm focusing on English-speaking, western fans here—is tied into Orientalist views about Asia and the perceived cultural differences at play. I say perceived because there is interesting work I've read tiny chunks of about how colonizers in the past centuries created the myth of Orientalism and the East/West split. Essentially, we are more the same than we are different (duh, I mean, not rocket science) but I'm sure if you're a westerner, you could name lots of media, and even recent media, that plays on this facile idea of the strange and differentness of the East. It's tied to xenophobia, too, which was very pioneered by Xenophon who went around reporting on what he thought were backward, crazy cultures he countered in his travels during ancient times.

All this is to say that I think fans don't have a realistic idea of what a demanding career in any country looks like (because lol, omg ... ), and they cannot put their selves in the shoes of a person like a Korean popstar who has worked for countless years to enjoy an abundant career. If they could, they'd understand that while safety and health are important, they're not just about "too many tour dates". It's actually about what do those days look like, how much well-being is built in, and how much rest time is afforded?

I'm hesitant to use Haechan as an example, but I think I'll bite the bullet to say he got sick, he got COVID, and he now has a heart condition of some sort. We're not privy to the details of what that is or what its limitations are, and rightfully so because how is that our business unless he shares it? If, against medical advice, SM order Haechan to do X amount of work, he does it and then gets sick, that's grounds for a lawsuit. SM has made terrible mistakes in the past, but I do not judge them as a company operating against medical advice. If Haechan makes his own decisions against medical advice and SM fails to make an intervention, that could also be a lawsuit around duty of care, but I'm not a Korean law expert.

You might remember the Michael Jackson lawsuit against his record company regarding duty of care re his death. If the record label knew they were paying for a doctor who was doing XYZ, are they culpable for not providing safe care? Are they culpable for arranging a tour when they likely knew the state of his health? His family filed a wrongful death lawsuit against AEG but ultimately AEG was not found liable. That case is really good reading if you have an interest in the duty of care that record labels have for artists.

All the above in mind, no I don't think extra tour dates are an issue because touring is the norm, and it's what artists and fans want. I also operate on the belief that SM operates legally (lol, what a thing to say right now), and does have artist well-being enmeshed in their work. Does that mean artists won't get sick? Of course not. People will always get sick or have personal problems, but whether the label is liable/culpable is a legal issue and for many a moral issue that isn't well represented in legal opinions.

[laura-apexart]

DAY 21 : 7.28.23

The Cezanne documentary was sold out so I walked around the neighborhood until Marthin picked me up to go Visit Delcy Morelos studio. 

She was at the sweat ceremony and we all rode the bus back to the city together and she invited us to visit. When we arrive at her studio on the outskirts of Candeleria neighborhood, 

we are greeted by her 4 dogs and 4 cats– And there are also addolescent ducks but they greet us later, when we take a tour of the garden a neighboring building that is being restored as a storage area // more work space.

Before looking at her studio or work we go sit in her office which is more library or sanctuary made of beautiful wood and a cement sloped ceiling so it stays cool. There are lots of shelves with wooden boxes as movable drawers or containers. The space is lit by natural light and filled with beautiful objects-mostly organic, like her collection of hand woven baskets of various sizes and proportions collected from the Amazon.  All the fibers are natural and also hand made-she has a couple rolls of the twine that was spun from the bark of a tree or roots or a plant (I didn’t catch the specific name of it) and she also has an incredible wasp nest and bird nest collection, with potatoes that are white and chalky and apparently still edible. She invites us to sit down on small stools and lights candles and incense and Marthin and her chat, and I listen intently and try to understand but also submit and try to relax and just enjoy sitting in the beautiful space looking at all the beautiful objects. In her studio, she also has an incredible textile collection because she makes her own clothes which are beautiful, simple patterns (Japanese influence)  denim, Colton, linens.

She is preparing for a number of exhibitions in nyc and has a number of studio assistants helping her. One is at Dia. Chelsea in October–which will be fun to go see.

Because much of her work is made with earth /dirt, living matter, she explains, it can’t be shipped because of rules and regulations agains introducing seeds and soil and living matter from one continent or country to another. Funny to think of all the new microscopic matter and bacteria I will carry with me home after my month here. 

Crates are filled with hand made clay objects painted with a black chorcoal looking pigment, made to replicate the shapes of fossils and bones, Seeds, Carrots or tree roots. She will create the layers of the earth within her installation. 

After our studio tour, we sit in her kitchen drinking barley tea for hours talking.

Barbra Santos (whose installation I had seen at the national gallery a few days earlier) who also works with indigenous tribes in the Amazon, has been going since 18 yrs old and focusing on the land, earth and its stories, a non human centric perspective, also comes to visit as well as a gentle man originally from North Carolina who has been living in Bogota for 3 years teaching English. 

We  talk about horoscopes, all of our signs and their meanings, I tell her I’m a triple water sign and she gasps HA! So emotional, you lead with emotions, very intense–but have been told from a young age that I am too sensitive–which is why maybe I am so good at masking and sometimes being inscrutinable–a form of overcompensating?. She is also part Scorpio–Scorpio’s have a tendency to want to self-destruct–so the antidote is working your way through it–making, making, making! This resonated.) Conversation traverses family, teaching, racisom or fear of foreigners-between different cultures and specific stories of personal experiences, her recent trip to the Amazon, how it heightened all of her senses, she went alone and stayed with an indigenous tribe which she had been studying but still was getting to know them. We talk about places to travel outside of the city (that I should try to see to be in nature, because Colombia has some of the richest, most bio diverse ecosystems in the world) . I will have to come back. 

The difference between being inside of something and physically experiencing it with your body and senses (nervous system) vs reading /studying something from books and in an academic sense.  We talk about Input vs influence. A lot of the conversation is in Spanish and only some is translated. And I’m both trying to follow along but also kinda submitting and just enjoying the beautiful space and people but also feeling an exhaustion from my brain's battle to try to know but not know and be comfortable and ok with that. And time kinda disappears and I dono if this would happen in nyc. And by the time we leave it’s past 10pm, past my bedtime.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Alex Recommends: April Books

This month has been full of my last few assignments for my MA. I can’t believe that I’m so close to the end of it already -it has gone SO fast! I am also starting to sort out my dissertation now, which I’ll be working on over the summer. It sucks that I won’t be able to have any proper time off this year but I am actually quite excited about my topic, so it shouldn’t be too bad.

My brother Luke turned 30 this month. Having a younger sibling in their 30s does make you reflect on your own age and life stage, so I have been doing some self-assessing recently. I am definitely not where I thought I’d be at 32 but I’m actually the happiest that I’ve ever been. I am still trying to be OK with my body and I am forever working on becoming a better person but I am certainly much happier and (I think!) wiser than I was five years ago. So, it seems like I’m on the right path!

I have been continuing to make my way through the Women’s Prize longlist and just like March’s recommendations, that’s where all of this month’s books come from too. Although there have been a few books on this list that I thought were questionable additions, I’ve really enjoyed the majority of them. It’s a real eclectic mix this year and on the whole, I was really happy with the shortlist. I’d love to know your thoughts on it, if you’ve also been following the prize and reading the nominees. I’m really looking forward to the winner announcement in June, so roll on the summer!

-Love, Alex x

FICTION: Wandering Souls by Cecile Pin.

At the close of the Vietnam War, young siblings Anh, Minh and Thanh make the journey across the ocean to Hong Kong, knowing that their parents and younger siblings will follow. But when their family fails to make it to safety, 16-year-old Anh becomes the sole guardian of her younger brothers but their lost loved ones never really leave them. As the years go by and the siblings settle into 1980s London, plagued by xenophobia and inequality, they begin to wonder if love and history is enough to keep them together. This heartbreaking story of unimaginable strength and resilience is the true story of so many immigrants of war-torn countries. I loved the fact that the book’s focus was on a young migrant family who made simple lives for themselves. None of the siblings went on to have high-flying careers and lots of money but they did all find some kind of peace and happiness, meaning the characters felt very real and were so easy to connect to. There are also some beautiful friendships and family bonds forged by displacement and a search for belonging. I was so moved by the message that our dead loved ones are constantly there and will never stop loving us. It’s a highly emotional yet hopeful novel that I strongly believe should have been shortlisted!

LITERARY FICTION: Black Butterflies by Priscilla Morris.

Sensing that things are escalating in Sarajevo, artist and teacher Zora sends her husband and elderly mother to her daughter in England. But as divisional lines become clearer, random killings become commonplace and their city begins to deteriorate, Zora and her friends must learn to survive and persist within a world that is becoming increasingly hostile. Black Butterflies is a unique story from a unique perspective. Both the setting (the siege of Sarajevo) and the narrative voice (a woman in her 50s) are rare in popular fiction, so it was really refreshing to learn about a part of history that I knew literally nothing about. I also greatly appreciated that it’s a book about the people who stay behind rather than those who flee war, as that brought yet another fresh take. It also explores the power of art and the horror of losing one’s culture. The actual meaning of ‘black butterflies’ is such a heart-wrenching image, when it’s revealed and I’m pretty sure I literally gasped when that whole concept hit me. The lightness of the book comes in its celebration of community and their coming together in times of crisis to try to find pockets of hope. It was an altogether very well-written and singular book that I’m delighted was introduced to me by the Women’s Prize.

HISTORICAL FICTION: Trespasses by Louise Kennedy.

Cushla is a primary school teacher and barmaid amidst the horror and violence of the Northern Irish Troubles. In her family’s pub, she meets an older, married man called Michael, a barrister who defends members of the IRA. Finding herself drawn to Michael, he and Cushla begin an affair. But when one of her students’ father is brutally attacked, Cushla finds that everything she knows and loves may be about to collapse. Trespasses came to me with some very high praise from multiple sources, so I was very excited to read it. It’s a heady story that depicts 1970s Belfast perfectly. It tackles some heartbreaking themes such as poverty, social divide and of course, war. It’s also an exploration of crossing forbidden lines in the name of love and this takes several forms throughout the book (hence the title, I imagine!). Cushla is a thoroughly likeable heroine who clearly wants to do the right thing in a world where she is an underdog. I wasn’t expecting it to have thriller-esque vibes towards the end but I really appreciated it and it definitely had me completely hooked.

MYTHOLOGY: Stone Blind by Natalie Haynes.

Following her brutal rape at the hands of Poseidon in the temple of Athene, the youngest Gorgon sister Medusa is cursed by the goddess. Now she can kill with her stare, Medusa resorts to a reclusive, solitary life with only her immortal sisters for company. But then a young hero on a quest shows up, needing a Gorgon’s head to prove his worth. The cover of Stone Blind pitches the book as Medusa’s story and while it is that, it isn’t just that. We also get chapters watching the gods and chapters that tell the story of Perseus’ mother, Danaë. It’s an equally funny and equally tragic book that paints a far less than flattering portrait of the ‘hero’ Perseus. I really enjoyed the dialogue between the gods, particularly when Athene was involved. She is completely unreasonable in this tale but still somehow a figure of wit, sass and wisdom. There are also some fascinatingly unique perspectives, such as Medusa’s severed head. Even after its separation from her body, it continues to narrate part of the story, which is incredibly macabre while making some kind of horrific sense. 

COMING OF AGE: Homesick by Jennifer Croft.

Sisters Amy and Zoe are homeschooled in Oklahoma, as Zoe suffers from seizures, the cause of which can’t quite be determined. While Zoe is in and out of hospital, Amy begins to fall in love with her Russian tutor Sasha and nurtures a deep love of languages. When her academic talents send her to university at just 15, Amy’s life changes drastically. Homesick is a touching story of sisterhood and the powerful bond that can forge. It’s also a book about guilt and family duty, which continuously shows itself throughout the narrative. In places, it is full of humour and in other places, the story becomes very tense. Homesick is about learning who you are, what’s important and the realisation that sometimes that journey can take us to dark places.

[vizhen-thoughts]

Thu June 9 2022 3:18pm

i recognize that this is just American entitlement in my subconscious, but i truly believe that people shouldn’t have to pay for the things they can’t live without. all humans can’t live without food, water, and some form of shelter.

i believe we’ve reached a point where established societies have all of those things to some extent. but i also believe that the human existence as a whole was meant to progress. continuously evolving and changing, doing not only better for humans across the globe, but doing better for the planet that provides us with these essentials.

forgive me for my mind and way of thinking are quite abstract and i’m often misunderstood, but i’ll do my best to explain this cohesively.

i think of the planet and human existence as ouroboros—the snake depicted eating its own tail. i view it this way because humans have the incredible ability of sentience, meaning that our brains evolve as we take in new information and that falls in the same category as learning, only it goes much deeper than that.

humans are able to walk on 2 legs with a straight back.

we learned how to make controlled fires to cook our food.

we learned how to make language to communicate our thoughts with words.

we went on to adapting to our environments by forming communities and utilizing shelter, eventually learning how to build our own houses. we learned how to build towns, cities, countries.

we developed cultures—which if you really think about it, the depth of any one culture is crazy, but the way that humans created multiple different cultures?? my god.

we were able to learn about how the body works, and how to cure disease and even do smaller things like alleviating pain or medicinally aiding a fever so you don’t die from it at any age.

right now, we are learning about how our brains work—how we have come to be “humans” as we now know it.

there’s still a lot to learn, but one truth has been rearing its ugly head lately—that is, we cannot go on like this, to say the least.

everything we are doing is not doing anyone any good. we can look at numbers and productivity levels and all that man-made crap. but the fact of the matter is personal satisfaction rates—maybe even overall satisfaction rates—are so low that i dont know a single person who’s happy with their life and genuinely means it.

and of course i do recognize that my perspective is limited to what i’ve seen. maybe there are more ppl satisfied with the true state of the world than the opposite. its just very hard for me to imagine that the majority of 7B humans would be okay with knowing that global warming will claim this Earth if we continue on this path, which will effect all humans—even the rich humans who think they’re untouchable.

nature’s funny like that, and so is karma. you see these are all very real things.

powerful humans do conquer the weak, and to be more specific, it is humans who have been allotted power by their human ancestors.

but nature will always find its balance, and that is a force that no human can stand against.

so, to put it bluntly, how do you feel about knowing that a lot of the things that are the fundamentals of our societies are actually killing us?

through diversifying our minds we can come together in ways never seen before and save our planet while saving ourselves. i think it’s absolutely stupid to insist on fighting when our home is at stake. when the planet’s uninhabitable there won’t be anywhere or anyone left to fight. we’ll all be screwed.

that is the reality of this dilemma we face.

so many factors go into this, major factors like nationalist ideals and diplomacy, and smaller factors down to the individual level of consciousness.

i’m definitely not going to pretend like i know every single thing or have all the answers, but i know for certain where we need to start. we all have a part to play in this, but until we all get on the same page and realize that life can be better, safer, and more gratifying for everyone, we will not get anywhere. in fact we will be the cause of our own destruction. but it doesn’t have to be this way.

we can come together.

“the internet will change the world,” is a quote i heard recently.

the fact is, the internet made us aware of the fact that other humans exist in worlds beyond our own. and that did not have to be a bad thing, but humans often repeat the same mistakes, such as extreme culture shock to the point of extreme rejection. depending on how you’re looking at the situation that could be either a good or a bad thing.

but the fact of the matter is, the internet opened our eyes to the world as a whole. there’s no way that that in itself isn’t a sign telling us to do better as one collective.

i stand firm on my beliefs and my morals—and call it entitlement, narcissism, or whatever you want— but all i wish to do with my life is be apart of the movement that’s gonna take all of humanity to a brighter future.

the future where every human can live in comfort and peace, no matter where their home is, and no matter where they wish their home to be.

the future where traveling is much easier and more efficient and safer for the environment.

the future where we can actually explore our own oceans and learn something abt this planet before we no longer have the opportunity for christ’s sake…

the future i envision is one where anyone can become whoever they want. whether they want to be a marine biologist, a doctor, a chef, or even just an at-home tech support or full-time parent.

everyone, and i do mean everyone, would love the opportunity to be productive in the way that works best for their physical and mental needs.

this future focuses on the individual within a greater society with the common goal of survival & prosperity. we all need it. for ourselves alive today, and for our children who will take our place.

i truly believe that we can change, and i have hope that we wont squander our planet and all the progress we’ve made up to this point.

— VIZHEN

[survivor-north-sea]

Episode Four: "I am VERY susceptible to flattery" - Chelsea

Trinica

Another successful tribal! All the girls seem to feel really bad about voting for Tyler and now I have to pretend that I also feel bad about voting for Tyler or else they'll think I'm heartless lol. But the boy does not speak to me!!!

I think Esteban really does trust AJ and I again, which is great. I almost feel bad about being against him. Almost.

-

AJ and I had a long call post-tribal about strategy moving forward! We're literally finishing each other's sentences while scheming. The plan is for AJ to continue her "woe is me" story and pretend she wants to flip. I suggested she tell them to target Toni or I and say that she thinks one of us has a tribal so they need to split votes. They split the votes, we stay strong, and off Arvin goes.

We're going to STRUGGLE with picking a song for this challenge, so not boding we'll for our chance of winning.

Hairie

Okay Hidra with the crazy tribals ! Dang it I wasn’t expecting Azri to go cus I wanted to potentially work with him us being South East Asians and all

-

Bethany, Esteban and Tyler spilling hot piping tea and I’m here for it but do I believe it?

Arvin Bentonon

I really love the challenge. But it took us more than half of a day to decide which song to pick. Now, I'm worried because it's already 9pm here, and I'm so tired. I just want to record now, so that I can sleep. Tired af.

Raffy

I really want Brandi and Champ to trust Hairie to make my life easier, but they obviously don't because of the idol shenanigans. I wish there was a way to mend that bridge, but it needs to come from Hairie himself not me. Right now though I need them to realize we need him until merge. It would make this pre-merge so much easier. Hopefully they see the path of least resistance is to keep Hairie.

Other than that, apparently Esteban trusts me enough to tell me that he's on the bottom, there may be a non-men alliance on Hidra, and that he wants to go against them. I told him that what makes the most sense to me is that there are only three people working together (Jinx, AJ, and someone else) who are pulling the strings. They were the onto use the idol and they were the ones to split the vote correctly in case of an idol. However, Champ told me even MORE tea (which I can only assume was from Bethany based on what was told) wherein Clefford was the messy one (I wouldn't be surprised) and spread rumors about Jinx based on Raccoon City. And Esteban was being pushy about idol hunting with AJ and Trinica which put them off. So, from presumably Bethany's account, the boys were trying to start a men's alliance or, at the very least, were the ones that painted a target on themselves first.

Now, which do I believe? Probably a little bit of both. I can definitely see both Esteban's and Bethany's accounts being true for their personal perspective. However, that won't stop me from voting any of them out. After all, my plan is to stick Tromoya strong so none of this information changes the way I'm playing rn. Though its nice that they are giving out all this tea for free.

Chelsea

This is an interesting situation to be in! 3 OG Hidra messaged me almost immediately after the swap. It is really hard to decide who to work with bc one of my things is that I want everyone to like me. I am not good at saying no either so I will have to tread carefully. Also, no one “has time” to edit. I am literally across the country from my home and with my kids. Let one of these young’uns with way fewer responsibilities take it!

Tyler Frazier

So I currently hate this game. I have three allies, one of which lied to me on my old tribe, two of which hate each other, and not only that! I am in the minority and I’m not even the majorities favorite so I could easily be booted bc my only other ally is telling her tribe to stick together for some reason. So it’s just all going terribly for me. Honestly if I make the merge give me a medal.

Trinica

I FOUND A FREAKING IDOL!!!!!!!!!! Survivor bucket list complete!!! And no I will not be telling AJ, thank you very much. I told her instead about the golden key I found awhile back- hopefully she can help me figure out where it goes.

I feel like I'm in such a good place right now, no matter what happens with this challenge. My goals are twofold: use this successfully later on in the game, and don't go home with it in my pocket. 🙏🏾

Hairie

Ex Hidra members now on new tromoya are sharing similarities in the information they share with me and others. I just hope OG tromoya don’t get thrown off

-

Okay Raffy is killing it in every challenge and he sure did for the lipsync challenge 🔥

Chelsea

I wish I weren’t traveling during the music video challenge! I did my best and used all my advantages (read: children), so hopefully people like it!!

Jayjay

I have not been feeling well today at all and I still have yet to film my video for this challenge. I was excited yet really nervous because I’m not good in front of a camera but it seems so fun with the ideas I had in mind for it. I just hope I can get to feeling well enough to get this done within an hour or so, so I don’t let my team down and we can win this challenge! Wish me luck! I may just puke my brains out 😅

Brandi

Challenge not going well- no one cares about it and instead is worried about drama. We are gonna be at tribal if they don’t get it together

Jayjay

So l finally got the videos for the challenge done that was fun! Although I had to do it later at night so it was pretty chilly out to have the water hose rain on me it was so worth it! 🤭 Everyone has already made their videos I believe now we just have to leave it in Champs hands to edit it all together! I can’t wait to see the final result!!! It’ll be a video to keep forever for sure. I lii ok ve our new tribe and how dedicated everyone seems to be! 🙌🏻 Let’s just keep our fingers crossed we win this challenge especially with a 10% advantage Bethany has!

Trinica

From the way Jinx is talking, Raffy is going to dominate the editing for this challenge and we're probably gonna lose...but I had fun and that's all that matters!

JK not going to tribal is what matters

Bethany

i'm so annoyed literally an hour into this swapped tribe the og tromoya was saying that they should bring in esteban like please give tyler and i a chance!!! but hairie is telling me tyler is not responsive so like hopefully it would be tyler targeted and not me. idk i'm not really vibing with any of them so we will see what happens. just trying to be more active than tyler at this point and get people to like me a little by spilling some tea. hairie was like "i don't believe in an all one gender majority alliance" and i'm like ok esteban has definitely been spreading that but here is the thing literally like day 2, the guys were all targeting 3/5 non-men on our tribe. jinx was being metatargeted by cleffort, and esteban was targeting aj and trinica for trying to help him with the idol hunt??? like this was before we even formed the alliance. so not really our faults that you were trying to target all of us when azri and tyler were both pretty inactive!!! but whatever, gotta deal with that now, it will be fine.

Tyler Frazier

Okay as you know I’m not happy ab my spot on the tribe. My allies are kind of flopping and my best shot at keeping all of them is if I’m the target and we go to a tie and someone from the other side flips or we force rocks. So overall it’s just not great. So I’m really hoping we pull out a win so that Bethany and I can integrate ourselves into the tribe a bit more and they’ll be more comfortable targeting each other over us. Champ thinks we could flip votes onto Haire however I am afraid of being the one to put that plan into motion as I don’t wanna come on too strong and further mess up my spot.

Hairie

Sooo Bethany told Champ and Brandi about what I told AJ about keeping Julia safe. I had to do some damage control because it wasn’t entirely true how the approach went. I only did that to make sure AJ did not pick Raffy first.

-

All these talks about idols is making me anxious because someone has it but everyone’s saying they don’t have it. I know I don’t have it

-

It’s so hard to figure out who to vote out for this tribal if we lose. I’m liking getting to know Esteban Bethany and Tyler but I’m also strongly with keeping Tromoya strong

-

Okay me and Brandi are finally opening up and having some game talk and we’re both just keeping up with the pace of how intensified the game is going after the swap

AJ

Alrighty I’ve been so busy with this swap and the music video that I haven’t confessed yet this round. Shame on me and all that. But I am excited this round, I won’t lie. First I got almost all of our femmes and thems alliance on this new tribe with me, which made me feel pretty great. Second I’m almost entirely convinced that Tromoya believes I’m an extra vote for them. Which if all goes well they won’t realize isn’t true until too late.

Speaking of extra votes, ya girl just bought one. Somehow I went from broke to absolutely loaded in a single day of idol hunting. Right before we left for the swap coincidentally. Now I’ve got an extra vote and hopefully I won’t have to use it. Though Tromoya hasn’t really been too eager to interact with me, with the exception of Arvin. I do feel like that’s almost entirely because of how busy everyone is and also having barely any time for the video clips for this challenge.

But it’s done and submitted and there’s nothing we can really do about it now. I’m honestly pretty happy with how it turned out all things considered. So yeah, absolutely exhausted and now just waiting for the results. Fingers crossed we get so many points that we win even with less of an advantage, though I have a sinking feeling with Raffy editing the other video (probably since he’s done these so many times) and their tribe most likely not being as busy as ours, we’ll come nowhere close to winning.

Fingers crossed is all I can do though.

Raffy

I finally approach the Tromoya strong alliance about knowing who has the idol based on the secret phrase. It's so Brandi who has it. I don't know why we're lying anymore. It's just nonsense. They've been caught. Red-handed. Case closed. Will Brandi reveal this information? Probably not. Will she use it for my benefit? Maybe. So, I'm just going to sit here and fume about it until its used. Maybe I just got myself voted out, but who cares. I hate being treated like I'm stupid. Let me be your loyal ally and trust meeeeee. I just wanna be a hero who everyone can rely onnnn.

Chelsea

Ugh! I cringe at my video!! I had no time and I was traveling and just UGH. Trying to cover my bases in case we lose and in case others thought my video was dumb too. Talking to AJ and Jinx since they were on the outs with their tribe we can bring them to us and vote out one of the other OG Hidras

Tyler Frazier

Okay I’m not sure this’ll work but Champ said our best bet is to flip votes onto haire so if we have to go to tribal I could go to Raffy and say Haire talked ab doing an all newbies thing and that bc of Raffys reputation he’d like to see him go before the merge. This is all I could come up with to keep bethany and I safe and none of it’s true I made it all up.

Chelsea

This is good! Julia, Arvin and I all think that Toni should be the next to go if it comes to that, so we can pull in AJ and Jinx who were already on the outs with their original tribe, and Trinica seems really nice too. If I had my way, it would be Toni, and then Zach, and hopefully we win enough of the time that we will only need to go to two more Tribals before the merge...

Brandi

I was so worried about this dang challenge but it’s fine bro

Bethany

thank god we won immunity 🤩 i’m booked and busy trying to get people to stop targeting me 😭 tyler is trying to convince esteban but thankfully i can chill for a day and just try to get people to like me

Arvin Bentonon

We did our best and I had a lot of fun too. I just so sad that we didn't win. Huhu.

Trinica

https://youtu.be/vQxP14VAbkQ

Tyler Frazier

So I am really happy we won. That keeps Bethany Esteban and I safe another round and the longer we are safe the better. I’m not really sure who I believe is lying to me Bethany or Esteban but I think Esteban is messier and Bethany and I have a connection to Brayden so I’d like to see her do well. Plus come merge (hopefully I make it) I’m not sure how much longer Esteban can stay due yo how messy he’s been.

Hairie

Okay we slayed the lipsync competition! Shoutout to Champ for putting it all together !!

-

Okay Trinica slayed the most in that lipsync challenge. I mean come on she gave me outfit change, she gave me BACKGROUND. Ate it!!

Zach���

howdy. i fee like it could be my time. no one has spoken to me and I didn’t really reach out because I was busy all day. this was just a really inopportune time for me to play a game i think. n e way. light a candle for me besties.

Tyler Frazier

(I can’t remember if I submitted anything after we won so sorry) So we blew the other tribe out of the water with the challenge and thank god we did bc now I don’t have to put my super messy plan that likely wouldn’t have worked into motion and I can keep my allies. I’ve said before I have a lot more trust in Bethany than Esteban now because he’s just so messy but if we go to tribal I’m not really gonna have a say in who the target is and it’s not the ally I’d prefer be targeted (Sorry Esteban) it’ll be me or Bethany 🥰

Hairie

Omg that was worth the purchase and I’m so happy. I’m crossing lots of things I wanna accomplish for my very first ORG

Raffy

Hairie and I split our coins between each other to buy the sweater and the sauna bucket. I got 10 coins for everyone on the tribe including myself. This means my allies have grown very rich. Hopefully, tomorrow I can try to convince someone with a lot of money to come with me to buy things from the idol hunt. However, most importantly, Hairie found a hidden immunity idol and he told me about it. This pretty just confirms to me that Brandi has the other idol since Hairie would have told me about it. Now, I do not trust Brandi. For as much as she says that she wants to work with me and be really tight with our trio with Champ, not telling us about the advantage while also knowing we should have figured it out by now? Its giving strange. Despite that, I'll still be close with her cause I got no one else to go to at this point who I would want to work with. Its looking like I am going to be Hairie's sidekick for the game which is fine by me. I need to take a secondary role for once haha.

Hairie

Actually that was lowkey a good move on Brandi for sharing about the 10% advantage. If most of them do it, means we stack up on advantages and nobody went searching for the idol truly

Chelsea

Arvin is really complimentary and I don’t know what to do with it bc I am VERY susceptible to flattery lol and bc I know that about myself I am being hyper sensitive when ppl say something nice. Like do they mean it? Normally I would lap it up be here it so complicated!!

Toni

Theme: Short and Sweet

Hello world!

I'm not as chipper as the last time I confessed. I am exhausted. Exhausted but like if there was a word worse than exhausted I could think of I'd use that instead. I have had a busy weekend which of course meant I wasn't able to contribute much to the challenge or start building relationships with the new Hidra peeps. My name is out there tonight but I trust the relationships I've been working hard to build (instead of idol hunting) since the first challenge - AJ, Trinica, Jinx. My fire might go out tonight but we'll see.

So signing off scared.

Jayjay

So we won!!! I’m super happy and proud of our team for giving their all in this challenge. Definitely a video to keep forever lol. I think the other team did well as well, however it didn’t seem they put in as much effort as we did. I also think us getting wet in ours gave us the win! 😂 Nervous about they’re tribal council to see how it plays out for our ex Tromoya players. I hope they’re safe but from what I hear about ex Hidra I really doubt it. Anyways I’ll have my fingers crossed for them! I’m just relieved it’s not us having to make that elimination tonight. Thank you VL! 😁

Champagne

I’m so stressed! This is so messy because Bethany and Tyler are in the miniority while I’m in the majority and I want to keep Tyler and Bethany safe so we make it to merge together. The only option for me at this point is to continue to win for our tribe

Arvin Bentonon

This is the first tribal council I felt really nervous about. I mean, at this stage we are still getting to know each other, so it's hard to make a decision.

Zach🤠

So uhh this vote is very easy so far which scares me. I feel like I’ve connected with this new tribe enough for them to keep me around. I don’t trust anyone in this game yet really but I have to and if I go out trusting them when I’ve been nothing but honest, that’s on them! 🤠 see you on the other side 🫡

Trinica

Another tribal, another opportunity for AJ and I to manipulate everybody. I think we've got Arvin and the Tromoya girls eating out of our hands. Zach is a big ol' question mark, though. Refuses to game talk.

AJ keeps trying to pass off her extra vote on me, and is acting as if it's strategy but really she just doesn't want to use it herself and have a target on her back. She wants to maintain a relationship with Tromoya so that when she gets to the merge she has options. Which is exactly what I would do in her position. But I convinced her to give it to Toni. It's not the best solution because I really want Toni to trust me the most and I think at this point she's getting closer to AJ than she is to me but I wouldn't much rather not have the target on my back. I said in the vecepia chat "the devil works hard but AJ works harder" and Toni goes "I love AJ though" which tells me she's feeling really grateful.

Jinx

https://voca.ro/1iFqHoXbSw6L

these jinxcasts are okay but they got thee spirit

Julia

Well obviously we lost a music video challenge to raffy. I don’t think he’s ever lost one of those and I don’t think he ever will. I’m really upset that the tribes broke down this way because our tribe is just so god awful at challenges. I’m hoping that aj and jinx both vote one of their old members here because if not idk what the heck will happen

Trinica

Not me being behind every single tribal elimination so far???? It's giving ICONIC.

Dropped a truth bomb on Zach 20 mins before tribal letting them know that Arvin mentioned his name, Zach immediately freaked and added me to an alliance chat with Jinx and Toni. Then I got him to add AJ and now we're flipping on old Tromoya (and don't even NEED the extra vote AJ has)!! I am CACKLING

Zach🤠

So…that was fun. Just panicked and swung the result of tribal tonight. It was toni all day and then 15 minutes before the original tribal time, Trinica came to me and said Arvin and couple others were planning to vote for me l and wanted me to know. So I got with jinx and we realized with Toni at the bottom, AJ wanting to be in the majority, Trinica, Me and her we have the majority. So here we are and Chelsea is going home…hopefully.

[halfagone]

There was one interested party, and that was all I needed to release the floodgates.

It's Happening Now.

There will be MCU Canon references included in this essay, however I will not be mentioning any specific fic while discussing fanon characterization. This is because I cannot confirm whether an author is using this alteration of a character's personality as a plot device, or because they personally believe that is how they act in canon.

Let's get started.

Steve's Character

One of the most glaring changes I have seen in Steve Rogers' character in fanfiction is how he is stickler for the rules. They make him out to be this America Apologist, who looks down on anyone else who so much as criticizes his country. They also make it seem as if he only ever carries out orders and is incapable of thinking for himself.

How This Isn't True

For one thing, in comic book canon, Steve Rogers grew up during the Great Depression as a sickly child with a single mother. I think we can all agree, with this in mind, that Steve is well aware of the domestic shortcomings of the country.

When he wanted to join the US Army to fight the Nazis, he was willing forge documents- which is illegal, might I add- in his attempts to enlist.

Here is the scene from movie itself:

Why does he want to enlist? Why does he fight in general? "I hate bullies."

It can also be argued that Steve undergoes development in later movies which inspire him to change his mind or adjust his perspective of the U.S., particular when it is revealed that Hydra has sunk its claws into the world's political scene. For example, Senator Stern who is seen in both Iron Man 2 and Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Which means, we will now be moving onto:

Captain America: Civil War - The Sokovia Accords

I have not seen a single satisfactory piece of fanfiction that can properly address the Sokovia Accords argument in a way that acknowledges both sides. That does not mean these stories do no exist, it simply means they are not getting the attention to appear at the top (or near the top) of the page when sorting by Kudos or Hits on Ao3.

If you go to Ao3, you will find a great number of stories with Tags such as "Team Iron Man" or "Not Team Captain America Friendly", or similar tags in the latter's case. However, you would be surprised by how many of these very same stories either have the Accords abolished or adjusted. It is as if even the author cannot ignore how the Sokovia Accords would impinge on human rights, particularly those of heroes and mutants.

While it could be argued that the Accords could have been adjusted once they signed off on it, there was still no guarantee that would be possible. Just as there was no guarantee that the Accords would be repealed, as we learned from a line by Matt Murdock in the recent She-Hulk series.

Arguments against the Sokovia Accords include:

The people who created this Accord (notably Thaddeus Ross) are some of the very same people who wanted to nuke New York City to stop an alien invasion (even when they had no proof it would repel them [and as evidenced by Iron Man's heroic save, it would not have done anything besides obliterated millions of people]).

It encroached on the rights of mutants and stripped them of their autonomy and/or privacy.

It risked the chance of the heroes' families being endangered.

It opened up the possibility for the Avengers to be militarized by countries to do their dirty work, instead of enabling them to fight and protect everyone equally.

Here is the debate scene:

We will get into Tony Stark and Steve Rogers' individual stances on this matter in a later subheading. For now, let's move onto:

How Steve Rogers vs. Tony Stark ACTUALLY Started

The opposing opinions on the Sokovia Accords could be likened to the first cracks in the ice, but Baron Zemo's schemes was the breaking point. If you've watched Captain America: Civil War, then you know that Zemo framed Bucky- aka the Winter Soldier- for the bombing of Vienna and the murder of King T'Chaka of Wakanda.

While Tony intends to bring him in for questioning and/or arrest, Steve knows from his history with Bucky, both pre-Hydra and post-Hydra, that there is something missing. So instead of going along with Tony to bring Bucky "to justice", he intends to help his friend escape.

That is where we get the first fight between "Team Iron Man" and "Team Captain America" at the airport.

And then, of course, there is the more infamous battle between Iron Man vs. Captain America + Winter Soldier.

Steve's words to Tony? "He's my friend."

It was NEVER about Tony.

You would be surprised by how many fanfics you will find that paint Steve as a monster, not just in this scene, but in general. There are many fanfics where Steve is characterized as ungrateful, spoiled, egotistical.

Hm, now doesn't that sound familiar? Oh right, that sounds like Iron Man.

But in these very same stories, they paint Bucky- Bucky, the guy that killed Tony's parents under duress, the whole reason Steve was fighting Tony in the first place- as one of the victims he rightly is in the situation. They do not acknowledge how Steve had seen this from the start.

When Steve implores Tony about how Wanda "is just a kid" and shouldn't be stuck in the compound, fanfics will paint that as him being ungrateful for Tony's generosity. They do not see it as Steve recognizing how Wanda feels isolated and imprisoned.

And that is one of the greatest shames because some of these fics also give Tony Stark such beautiful character development. But. Only at the cost of Steve's character.

Character Bashing does not make your MC better. It just lowers the audience's standards.

This brings us to our final point:

Steve and Tony On The Sokovia Accords And How It Shows Their Character Development

In Iron Man 2, there is a whole scene where Tony shows up to court and totally annihilates the proceedings when he refuses to give away his Iron Man suit and other prototypes. He does not care for rules or regulations, he flaunts his intelligence, and shows a general lack of care.

And then, Ultron happens.

If Tony was not already terrified of the upcoming threat in the form of Thanos, then I would say Ultron's attack just proves to him how dangerous, not just the enemy can be, but how dangerous he and his companions are.

He went from a man that did not care about rules, to someone who understood oversight was necessary or else people- especially overpowered individuals- could get out of hand. He saw what he did with Ultron, he saw what he did with the Stark weapons. He knew something had to change.

And he did try to change. He spends, arguably, most of his time in the MCU trying to be a better person.

So why, then, when Steve makes a mistake, he's vilified for it?

In terms of arguments, Steve was right about the Accords. It was messy, it overstepped its bounds. In terms of execution, Steve should have never gone that far with Tony in Siberia.

However, look at that scene in the last video, and compare it to the scene from Falcon and the Winter Solider.

Steve shows restraint. John Walker does not.

Look back to that other video of Steve vs. Tony.

"That shield doesn't belong to you. You don't deserve it." - Tony Stark

And Steve drops the shield.

Because even he knows, that he doesn't. That is a level of awareness that John Walker, as Captain America's successor, does not have.

Steve Rogers loves his country. He fought for it. He was willing to die for it.

But he should not have to compromise his principles because his country could not live up to theirs.

He sheds the name of Captain America, and becomes the Nomad, as seen in Avengers: Infinity War.

There is no acknowledgement of that in most popular fanfiction you'll find in the MCU. And that's disrespectful to both their characters. Because Steve always had that empathy, while Tony went on a journey to learn it.

They both made mistakes, many of them, and yet Steve's mistakes are the only ones often vilified and blown out of proportion. Steve is not a perfect man, but many people aren't even willing to acknowledge he's a good one.

In the words of Dr. Erskine in Captain America: The First Avenger:

If you enjoyed this, I would recommend watching this video from Cinema Therapy that has an excellent analysis of his character.

Thank you for reading.

I could write a whole literary analysis essay about how fanon's characterization of Steve Rogers in the wake of Captain America: Civil War's debate between Team Iron Man and Team Captain America is an affront of Steve's character, character development, and is demeaning to Tony Stark's own character development and growth.

[thera-daydreams]

INDAY

± A Trese Fic ±

[Crispin/Basilio/Maliksi/Dominic x Skymaiden!Reader]

01: Noon at Ngayon (✓)

02: Ang Kambal na Anak ni Datu Talagbusao, Diyos ng Digmaan (Link)

03: Ang Prinsipe ng Mga Tikbalang (Link)

04: Ang Pinuno ng Mga Aswang (Link)

05: (Link) 06: (Link) 07: (Link)

01: Noon at Ngayon

Back then, long before you were born, your mother used to work as a katulong of the Trese Family and was very close to its matriarch, Miranda Trese. Coming from the province, she was no stranger to superstitions—even more so after knowing the work of Miranda's husband Anton Trese, who was actually the Babaylan-Mandirigma of Manila.

Years later, after giving birth to you around the same time Miranda gave birth to her twins (one a stillborn, unfortunately), it was you and Alexandra who became best buddies instead, as different your personalities were. You two had practically grown up together and you yourself heard countless stories of the supernatural from your Tito Anton. It wasn't that hard to believe when he and his sigbin companions would sometimes come home tracking blood prints on the floors (which you'd helped your mother clean up). Heck, you'd even met Señor Armanaz, the Great Stallion himself and the ruling tikbalang of the Armanaz herd. That pretty, white-haired diwata seemed extremely fond of you, too, which was evident when you'd sneak in with Alexandra to Tito Anton's meetings and she would smile (even wave) at you happily.

You had absolutely no idea why the fae-like lady was so nice to you, but you weren't complaining at all!

However, in spite of your experiences with the supernatural, you and your mother always believed that you were normal humans. In actuality, that was who you were for the majority of your childhood. It was only until Miranda herself saw a vision of you—a much older you—fighting the monsters of the Underworld alongside her own daughter. During dinnertime, Miranda told your mother that she saw you blessed by the heavens with powers that would aid in the battle against evil.

It sounded absolutely ridiculous, right? Yeah, your mom thought so, too.

Your mother only laughed it off as she placed a steaming bowl of tinola in front of Alexandra's brothers, who instantly dug in like they haven't been fed in years.

"Boys! Dahan-dahan lang," Anton reprimanded his sons. "Or else you'll choke and the soup will come out of your noses!"

"Okay, Papa."

"Grabe ka naman, Miranda. I doubt that anything like that's going to happen to my daughter," your mom chuckled, watching your little hands try to feed Alexandra with a piece of chicken. "Unlike you guys, our lineage isn't anything special. Ordinaryo lang ang lahi namin."

Miranda sighed, looking at you and her only living daughter enjoying your time being kids, "I guess you're right. Baka panaginip lang talaga 'yun."

Anton glanced at her knowingly. Although he was aware that you and your mom didn't dabble in magic or anything like they did, he knew that whenever Miranda—one of the Seven Seers—had such vivid dreams, it was something of great importance. But he decided to say nothing, understanding how much your mother wanted to let you live as normal of a life possible in this household.

That was when you were seven years old. One year later, Miranda died fighting against a group of aswang who decided to betray Anton. Said man found the eight-year-old Alexandra hiding in a corner behind the waterfalls, scared and holding Sinag close to her heaving chest as she tried to hold her tearful sobs in.

Of course, a few days later, you and your mother attended the funeral with the mourning Trese family. All the brothers had done their best to stay strong, especially for their little sister who didn't fully understand yet what just happened. Little you ran towards Alexandra, holding her hand tightly as her mother's casket was lowered. Around you were various comrades, both human and non-human, paying their respects to their bereaved allies.

That day, as you turned your back to return to your mother's arms, you knew you would never forget the feeling of numerous unearthly eyes following your every movement.

Even they could sense that there was something about you, a so-called regular human child. You smelled human and had the aura of one, but there was something they couldn't place. It was like a tiny rock getting into your shoe, not coming out at all.

Much changed after that, but you and Alexandra remained close together. To your dismay, just after you graduated elementary, you and your mother had to move back to the province to stay with your sick grandparents. The last thing you could remember was kneeling in the back of the car, looking sadly through the rear windscreen as Alexandra and her brothers waved goodbye to you.

More than a decade had passed since then. You used to write letters to Alexandra, but after Hank told you she had to undergo the trials of the Puno ng Balete, you haven't heard from her (although Hank did disclose that she'd managed to come home safely, which was a great relief to you). You didn't blame her; you knew Tito Anton had passed away in the five years she was gone and that she had to take over the title of Lakan, as well as the Babaylan-Mandirigma of Manila. It was a demanding job! You remembered Tito Anton sometimes staying up all night—breakfast would be served and he would still be in his study, going over paperwork. On other days, he would be gone for consecutive nights handling cases all around Manila. You could only pray Alexandra was fine.

Your life had continued on, as well—you took care of your ill grandparents until they died, helped your mother in the province, went to a good highschool, then earned your degree in another prominent city that wasn't Manila.

Your mom actually recommended that you go to school somewhere else, given the constantly rising number of attacks in the capital of the country. And so you did. Life was hard, but normal until then.

The funny thing was that, when you reached the age of twenty-one, you finally understood why those supernatural creatures kept looking at you weirdly as a kid (and why Lady Diwata liked you so much).

What was even funnier was that the dramatic revelation came to you when you weren't in the Philippines. It was after you freshly graduated college, when you were traveling all over Asia to volunteer in charity projects. It was always your dream to one day expand your horizons not only beyond your province, but the Philippines itself, while also doing good in the world.

And here you were, walking that path you dreamt of.

The organization you luckily managed to become a member of provided everything you needed, and every few months, you would move from country to country. Because of that, you'd already been able to travel to so many places. First it was Thailand, then Indonesia, China, South Korea, India, Japan, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, and currently, you were in Vietnam. Visiting those places was fun and gave you a whole new perspective of the world you lived in; it was a... learning experience, too.

Still, that incident happened when you were in Thailand, when you were the last one in the rented apartment balcony taping up the boxes for the donation drive tomorrow. Yawning, you cut more duct tape and stuck them to the open boxes tightly.

"Inday," someone said from behind you. You didn't bother turning around, thinking it was one of your fellow volunteers looking for you this late at night. Probably your roommate. She was the only one who usually called you by your nickname instead of your real name.

"Hmm?" you hummed, taping up more boxes. "Papasok na ako sa kwarto, Lyn. I just have a few more boxes to close. Alam mong mapapagalitan ako kung may hindi madidistribute bukas."

"Hindi ako si Lyn."

You paused, then slowly turned around, flinching at the sudden bright light that shone right against your eyes. For a moment, akala mo namatay ka na at hinaharap mo si San Pedro.

It was a glowing figure in white whose face you couldn't clearly see, which frightened you even more.

"Ay, mama!" you exclaimed, shielding your eyes and falling to your knees. Then, you gasped loudly, patting your body and panicking with closed lids. "Oh my God, am I dead? Nasa heaven na po ba ako?" Your lips wobbled. "Ngayon pa nga lang ako nakaalis ng Pilipinas... I haven't even done all the things I've wanted to do! Hindi pa ako nakapagpaalam sa nanay ko—aray!"

You'd felt something hit the back of your head. Hard. It was the glowing figure in white, but now you could see their unimpressed face scowling at you.

"Kalma lang, Inday. Hindi ka pa patay, pero makinig ka nang mabuti," they shushed you urgently (you weren't sure if they were male or female). "Do not be afraid. I am a messenger from the heavens, and I bear great news!"

"Great news...?" you trailed off, then your eyes widened excitedly. "Like, nanalo ba ako ng lotto? Isang milyon? Bilyon? Hala! Wait, is this a Mama Mary moment? I'm not ready to be the next immaculate conception!"

They glared at you, making you shut up instantly. "Sorry, I'll shut up now," you apologized with a mumble. This person (thing?) was kind of... strict. Whatever did you do wrong? You were just sleep-deprived and running on energy drinks (as well as kape).

"I have come to tell you that you are the vessel of the last skymaiden," they revealed, arms wide open. The light around them seemed to grow even brighter, making you squint. You felt like you were about the go blind! "Ikaw ang huling biraddali, Y/N L/N."

At ayun, zero brain cells remaining. Tunay na nagloading screen ang brain mo. Nag-error at nagcrash pa nga siguro, eh.

"... Ha? Ano?"

You blinked, completely speechless—as seen by how wide your jaw had dropped open. It wasn't that you were unfamiliar with the biraddali, it was just that you'd only heard of them once when you were just a young child. Your Tita Miranda had mentioned they were long gone from the world of the supernatural.

"Oh no, me? A biraddali? You're joking," you stuttered out, pointing at yourself. "Aren't they extinct or something? And, uh... not human?"

They nodded, "Yes. It is correct that everyone in the mystical world thought that the biraddali were long gone, even before the colonizers came to conquer the native lands. However, before the skymaidens all disappeared, the youngest and most powerful one among the seven sisters sealed her soul away to the rivers of time until the strength of a heavenly being was needed to help purify the evils of the world." The figure floated closer to you. "That last biraddali's soul, along with its corresponding power, traits, and knowledge, had chosen to reside deep within you the moment you were conceived."

Honestly, how were you even supposed to react? Your life was nowhere near ready for something like this. Was this a prank by your friends? Your colleagues? The light around this person seemed too authentic to be fake, though.

You stayed in shock for an entire minute, silent. The being in front of you only waited for a response.

"Ano 'to, Sailor Moon? Winx Club?" you whispered to yourself, before slapping your own cheek and scolding yourself. A stinging red mark was left on your face. "Inday, kakamanhwa mo 'yan! Nasosobraan ka na ata, matulog ka na!"

Sighing heavily, you rubbed your face tiredly, still in disbelief that you—according to this stranger—were apparently some old soul from a species of ethereal beings that were long gone. It sounded like something out of those reincarnation webnovels you got addicted to. What now, you were the MC? Wattpad ka, girl?

"Look, this is a mistake. I still have to wake up early tomorrow to give out the donations," you spoke to the glowing being (or whatever it was), laughing nervously. "I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong person. Either that or I must be hallucinating from sleep deprivation, because I'm definitely not a divine creature. You're probably just a product of my imagination. Sorry, I'm going to bed."

Bang!

At that moment, the power in the building went out. The only thing you could see was the thing who assumed you were a biraddali (they were so bright they were like a flashlight in the dark for you).

"Brownout?" you blinked. It felt wrong, though. It was eerily silent. "Did a fuse blow up?"

"Nagsimula na ang iyong unang pagsubok, Y/N," they announced seriously. "Creatures of the dark have already begun to take over this building. You may not have noticed, but all throughout your life, you have always been helping and giving. It is your nature as a being descended from the heavens themselves, and now, it is time for you to accept your destiny."

"Hoy, sandali lang! Sandali, sandali!" You were absolutely wide awake now as you heard the sounds of strange whispers around you. It was terrifyingly creepy, much creepier than whatever you'd seen back in the Trese Residence (and you'd seen a lot in that house). You did not want to be a part of a horror movie-like lifestyle. "Don't I have a choice in this?! I—I don't have any training or fighting skills! Hindi ako Alexandra Trese o Babaylan-Mandirigma! I'm not ready for this, holy sh—"

The candescent creature raised a brow at you, "Inday, I just told you that you have the power of a lost mystical being. And tell me, if you had the power to save your companions in this building from the forces of evil, would you save them?"

You were silent, knowing the answer.

"Well?" they prodded.

You bit your lip, "Oo naman. I'm not heartless!" But you were a little impulsive. And apparently, insane.

"That's what I thought. I just need you to believe in yourself," the being encouraged, gentler this time. It transformed into something smaller and rounder—like a ball of light. "Ikaw ang huling biraddali, Y/N, at marami kang kapangyarihan. Isa dito ay ang pagtulong sa mga nangangailangan, lalo na laban sa masasamang nilalang."

Bestie, what had you just gotten into?

You swallowed apprehensively, then nodded in determination, "Sige. So, how do I save the people in the building? Biraddali were said to be able to shapeshift, right? If I remember the tale correctly. Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening to me right now."

"That's just one of your abilities, but I'll teach you. I'm actually your guide," they replied confidently. "With me, you'll be able to master your powers and exceed your capabilities in no time!"

"Wait! Anong pangalan mo?" you asked breathlessly, following them as they speedily flew out of the room. "Grabe, slow down! I'm not athletic! I haven't even exercised this week, goodness."

"... Gabay. Ako si Gabay."

Despite the adrenaline and fear running in your veins, you still grinned up at the ball of light, "Okay. Nice to meet you, Gabay."

This was just the beginning of your supernatural combat training abroad. When you returned to the Philippines three years later, you were stronger, faster, and more powerful than you'd ever felt before. It was crazy.

Oh, that guy who tried to rob you when you came back to Manila was crazy, too. The two identical-looking men in dark suits and white ties—you wondered how they were surviving the heat in that attire—could only watch in awe as you chased down that man who stole your bag while doing acrobatics and parkour.

"Uy, Kuya Crispin, sino kaya 'yun?"

"Ewan ko, Basilio."

"... She's kind of pretty. Type ko. Type mo rin ata."

"The more important question is, paano niya na nahuli ang magnanakaw?"

"Oo nga, no? One in a million chance 'yan dito sa Maynila, haha! Ang astig ni ate!"

(Next Chapter.)

± Author's Notes ±

Ayieee, type daw tayo ng kambal! 😌

How the hell did I write this entirely random thing in one day? 2k+ words? Ano daw? 😃⁉️

You know, this was supposed to just be a Trese one-shot or a bunch of drabbles for the characters I'm currently simping for... but it turned into a full-blown, shameless self-insert slash crackfic. Kakacellphone ko 'yan. 🤦‍♀️

Nagresearch pa ako ng articles about Filipino skymaidens because I wanted something similiar to the Japanese celestial maidens (tennyo). Very random idea but why not? Gusto ko ng badass Y/N na hindi takot lumaban sa mga mumu! 👻

Also, pagbigyan niyo nalang ang matandang 'to kasi ilang taon na akong hindi nagpopost ng mga writings ko. May track record pa naman ako bilang author na hindi nagtatapos ng mga fanfic, hehe. I also haven't read the comics so please forgive me for any inaccuracies and of course, misspellings/errors. Gusto ko lang matapos 'to para makakabalik na ako sa Jujutsu Kaisen. 🥲😗

Anyways, comments and constructive criticism are welcome! Hit those heart, reblog, and follow buttons for updates! Just comment if you want to be tagged in the next chapters. ❤